#very rambly forgive me

[aroaceleovaldez]

Something something Jason feeling like he doesn't quite fit as "Greek" or "Roman" as a metaphor for bisexuality, particularly the semi-canonical bi-coding in his half of experiences during the Cupid scene and how Favonius and Cupid speak to him in parallel to the scenes confirming Nico is gay.

Something something the camps as metaphors for traditionally acceptable forms of relationships and Nico living as a rogue outside of them, rejecting expectation (ergo in himself representing a metaphor of queer identity and living outside of boxes and defined/usually hetero-allonormative/binary ideas of what love/relationships should look like) versus Jason struggling with the expectation to conform to a label and even discussing with Nico both of them remaining at CHB together.

Something something the inverse of Jason shifting away from the camps after he breaks up with Piper, feeling lost and unable to find a place between the camps as he begins to explore his queer identity properly for the first time versus Nico only remaining at CHB because he has entered a relationship. In this essay I will-

#pjo #riordanverse #jason grace #nico di angelo #analysis #i know ive semi-rambled about this before here #but i was thinking about it on the discord the other day #for those in the discord forgive it being mostly copy/pasted from my rambling lol #i say ''semi-canonical bi-coding'' re: the Cupid Scene because. well. it's in the text! it's pretty overt! #which means it's pretty canon but nobody ever really discusses it and Rick has never acknowledged it #but also he never acknowledged Reyna's aspec-coding until a rare instance of him responding to q's on twitter #(that chain was also specifically sparked by me in that instance - due to him replying to my open letter about aspec coding in the series #- which i still find amusing cause it is SO obvious he didnt read it) #and he only like once acknowledged his mostly unintentional aspec-coding of the Hunt on goodreads #and very frequently goes ''death of the author - whatever i say outside the books is irrelevant and doesnt matter. read it how you want.'' #''if you can get it out of the text then there's your canon.'' which i respect. reject ''word of god'' canon embrace analysis

[moonstrider9904]

I also love how much it feels like Mayday was Crosshair's equal while still being utterly different.

The witty banter? Glorious. The way Mayday asked Crosshair what his name was? Fuck. The mine scene where Crosshair makes the deadweight comments, only for him to carry Mayday all the way back to the outpost despite the latter having told him leave me, as in, leave me and save yourself, and Crosshair still carried him anyway? I hope the hatewatchers saw that too. The way Mayday was mocking Crosshair regarding the pressure mine, but as soon as he was done, wiped the sweat off his forehead revealing how nervous he was? If I didn't know better, I'd say Crosshair would act similarly if the roles were reversed. The way Mayday asked what squad Crosshair used to be in and the pain with which Cross answered? Yes.

And it's tragic because, deep down, maybe Crosshair came to think he could find what he lost with one family in Mayday - a brother - and he lost that too. He did what was in his power, more than that, and he still lost it.

#forgive me if i'm rambling #i am clearly very emotional over seeing crosshair again in such a state #please please let my man be okay #the bad batch #tbb crosshair #crosshair #tbb spoilers #tbb s2 spoilers #the bad batch s2 #tbb s2 #tbb season 2 #commander mayday #tbb mayday #the bad batch spoilers #star wars #tbb #bad batch crosshair #crosshair bad batch #imperial crosshair

[merakiui]

ALIEN SCARAMOUCHE WITH OVIPOSITION MERA ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME 😭 I need more, what would he look like, what are his motivations... Omg... Maybe some kidnapping going on...some experiments on humans...him studying how humans reproduce and if his race can use them... Aaaa my mind is going crazy with ideas, please do share yours too! <3

What if he doesn’t have a form of his own (something that sort of ties into canon Scaramouche’s obsession with wanting a heart and a purpose)? And maybe he’s more like a shadowy mass that can take the form of anything so long as he’s encountered said thing (i.e. made contact with it? Or maybe he has to kill the original in order to take its form? Or it’s something like a reflection where if you happen to look at him long enough he’ll have a good enough idea of how to replicate your form from staring and analyzing it.) and since he’s so dedicated to having a form that really fits, that truly feels like him, he’s continued to adapt and evolve as the years pass throughout every planet in the solar system.

Perhaps he does have a few features of his own, but maybe they’re sort of scattered?? Or they aren’t really features his species is known to have? He’s like a mixture of various things he’s observed over the time he’s spent on your planet in an effort to shape himself into something beyond the formless shadow he’s lived as for so long. Like a patchwork copycat composed of so many different parts because he’s desperately trying to understand all of these things. It’s like his version of trying on clothes and new fashion styles. So maybe he has horns or maybe cat ears because he’s seen so many stray cats and they’ve always fascinated him for some unexplainable reason (maybe in order to have these features he’s had to ingest part of the living thing he wants to replicate??? Just something a little extra horrifying for our beloved alien mouchey. <3) And maybe the only thing he has from the one who created him (Ei) is the same piercing stare in a pair of brilliantly colored eyes she graciously bestowed upon him.

Maybe Scaramouche can’t understand human emotion in the usual sense that other humans might, so he assigns flavors to these unusual feelings. When he hurts the things he likes or is interested in (cats, the human he stole his current appearance from (i.e. Kabukimono; let’s pretend they’re two separate individuals hehe), and even other gentle things or creatures who are completely innocent), the taste in his mouth is sour or bitter or so very intolerable. I think over time he hardens himself and learns to live with the foul flavors he often encounters when he attempts to blend in with humans and utterly fails because he can never replicate their emotions as well as he can copy behaviors or appearances. He starts his journey so curious and sweetly innocent, albeit murderous and eerie, and he tries so hard to learn and be good and explore the world with the eyes his mother gifted him and yet he always finds himself hurting. He hates it. It tastes terrible. It feels terrible, and he has never truly felt before. This is new.

When Scaramouche is captured by Dottore, a human scientist who is a little too dedicated to the pursuit of forbidden knowledge, he finally tastes the cruelty of humankind—learns of the lengths they’ll go to in the name of scientific breakthroughs. The researchers run dozens of tests on him. He can’t feel external or internal pain from wounds or injuries; he’s sturdy, birthed from a substance foreign to humans, intended to survive the harshest conditions. But Scaramouche feels pain—the emotional kind. He’s never felt fear; he’s what humans would call an apex predator. He’s strong. He’s never needed to feel fear, and so he doesn’t fear the unknown. He isn’t scared of the sharp tools, of the peculiar creatures he’s shown in hopes that he might replicate them and their features, nor does he fear the trajectory of this new life. The concept of ethical practices means nothing to him even though he’s aware he’s a lab rat, a grotesque curiosity that doctors poke and prod at. He reacts to everything in unique, defensive ways. He impaled a doctor through the throat with a strange shadowy spike. It moved as though it were liquid, yet it struck very solidly, sharply, deadly efficient. Dottore likens its movements and behaviors to that of an octopus’s tentacle; Scaramouche is unsure of this comparison. This is merely a shadow of something he has observed—a reflection. A cheap copy. He has never been original.

You’re the first human he meets who isn’t adorned in sterile white. No lab coat, no gloves, no goggles, no protective gear. Just clothes. Normal clothes. The both of you are separated by indestructible glass, placed in two very white rooms, and you can see one another so clearly. Scaramouche hates the purity of white because he knows that when he’s forced into a white backdrop he’s meant to stain it red. And lately he doesn’t want to break things that are undeserving of it. Perhaps he’s feeling too much. Perhaps he ought to tear these human feelings out and go back to the blank, shadowy slate he once was. How he intends to accomplish that, he has no idea.

He’s uninterested in you at first. You’re a human. He’s seen humans. He interacts with them daily. He’s killed plenty. But you spend nights in that white room and he watches you sleep. He tries to sleep in the same way you do; he has no need for sleep. He regulates his energy differently. He tries to breathe like you. He blinks at the same times you blink—or he comes awfully close. He tries to copy your movements and mannerisms. One night he presses himself to the glass and takes your form and watches you, counting every rise and fall of your chest as you lie so comfortably on the very uncomfortable cot. With hands that mirror yours, he pokes at these human features. He fits one hand in the other and pretends he’s holding your actual hand. There is no warmth, though. Humans are warm; Scaramouche is not. He’s frigid. His home planet is gloomy and cold and desolate. He thinks humans are lucky for cyclical days—for being in close proximity to the sun. There is no sunshine where he hails from. He likes the way the sun feels on him. It used to burn terribly when he first arrived on this planet. Now it’s like a hug—a hug that still singes, but a hug nonetheless. He’s never known what a hug is, but he thinks this is what it must feel like—like the burning warmth of a sun.

Scaramouche feels true, raw, animalistic, paralyzing fear when you’re taken out of the room after two weeks and replaced with a new human. You’re gone. Replaced. Are you dead? Did he kill you? Did he stare too long? He’s distraught, overcome with a horrifying emotion that has him curled and trembling in the corner of his white room (a cage if he’s ever known one). Why aren’t you here? And why is he so…restless? He can’t call it fear because he doesn’t know that word. But oh he’s scared. He’s so scared. You were the first human to smile at him, to put your hand on the glass where his rested, to sit close to the glass and eat meals alongside him. You were like the stray cats he’s interacted with: kind, soft, gentle, sweet. He’s so scared he loses the ability to remain in his human skin, and he practically melts into a shadow, clinging to the corner like glue or slime. He’s empty and alone. It tastes terrible. It feels terrible.

The humans that follow are terrified of him. Either that or they’re disgusted, baffled, cautious. He hates every one of them, so much so that he’s tried to break through the glass numerous times to dispose of them. Weeks pass; he’s forgetting your features. There are no mirrors here, so he must rely on the reflections shown in the glass. Some days he thinks he looks just like you; other days he’s certain he’s a monstrosity—a sloppily stitched version of you. The you he saw did not have pointed fangs or curling horns. He hates his reflection because it isn’t you. Most importantly, he hates that the humans he’s forced to look at are protected by this thick layer of glass. If it wasn’t so indestructible, he’d tear through every human nuisance until he reaches you.

Scaramouche is not sure how many months pass, but you return. And when you do the fear ebbs away. He feels…happy? Is that the right term? He’s pleased to see you, and for the first time in a while he returns to his human appearance—to the one he took from a young man many centuries ago. You’re back. You’re here. He’s so happy. He detaches himself from his corner and he tries to smile in the way you do. And, though it’s awkward and strange and sharp-toothed, you smile right back.

Dottore decides then that you are to be the next subject in this experiment. He’s observed Scaramouche’s reactions to you and compared them to reactions to the other humans and found that you are the best suited to this role. If anything, the alien couldn’t have picked a better specimen to adore. You’re helpless and so naïve. You need the money; it’s why you allowed yourself to live in that room for a few weeks. You were paid handsomely for it. He’ll pay you beyond handsomely if you agree to what’s next. And, really, when you’re in between a predator’s jaws do you really have much of a choice?

Scaramouche needs a human match, and the scientists need to study more than just the social biology of an alien. They promise you he won’t hurt you, and if he does it’s all right. They’re kind enough to respect the wishes of the dead. You must let Dottore know if you’d prefer a burial or a cremation. There’s nothing special in this distinction; it’s just a precautionary measure. You’ll agree to participate in this experiment whether or not you want to.

Your new home is the white room that faces Scaramouche, and after some more time and observations to ensure you won’t be killed the moment you step foot in his space the glass barrier will be lifted. Dottore wonders how Scaramouche’s kind mates and reproduces.

There’s only one way to find out.

#genshin chit chat #alien scaramouche #yandere scaramouche #scaranya #please forgive me for rambling orz #i just think there’s so much potential for aliens and scara #I PROMISE I HAVE OVIPOSITION THOUGHTS FOR HIM TOO OTL #i just wanted to world-build a little >_< #(adding more tags because i have so many ideas but!!!) #maybe you can’t kill his species in the way you might kill a human #maybe the only thing that kills his species is heartbreak (or extreme emotions) #because his species cannot handle just how overwhelming heartbreak and things like fear are #maybe because his species was never intended to feel to the extent humans feel #because scara has evolved to withstand any and all dangerous threats #he hasn’t evolved enough to defend against emotional threats #so essentially he is physically very strong but mentally/emotionally he’s weaker because he does not know how to feel or comprehend feeling #and too much of a certain emotion if felt in extreme amounts is detrimental and even fatal to him #because he doesn’t know how to protect against that or repair the damage that has been done from strong emotions #he can be beheaded and he’d easily repair the wound #but heartbreak… he can’t repair that (not after he’s formed such a strong bond with his darling) #AAAAA TOO MANY THOUGHTS

[designernishiki]

it’s so weird to think that ryuji was only a major character in one canon game. like he’s such a strong character with such a strong personality it doesn’t feel like he was only prominent in one canon game at ALL. he feels almost as ever-present and beloved as someone like daigo and yet he’s basically never even mentioned after kiwami 2. that’s so crazy to me.

#am I saying bring ryuji back? yes. end of statement #same goes for mine to a slightly lesser degree. and somehow yokoyama agrees with me on both of these I think #I am biased in a way because I am one of the few who has been lucky enough to play dead souls but. yeah #those two are also just good examples of antagonists that are almost comically malicious but still somehow have depth under the surface #and redeemability. in a way. not saying mine bulldozing an orphanage is Forgivable im saying he Did start to have a change of heart at the #end of y3 so he’s Capable of change and whatnot. and ryuji’s just a bully who takes his feelings out on other people usually physically #like he’s very much a teenage bully in the body of a gigantic adult man. #cause he never had to grow out of that. no one challenged him/his views/etc enough to do so. until the end of yk2 #AND IN DEAD SOULS ITS JUST A FACT THAT HES GROWN AS A PERSON AND MATURED. #it’s somehow a DRASTIC difference in personality from him in yk2 and yet still believable because of how much in his life had to change #and because he is like. the adult version of the previous ryuji. I know ryuji was already 30 in yk2 but you get my point. he wasn’t grown up #not really. (same goes for daigo- they’re such obvious foils for one another it’s so interesting and I wish it was explored more but ANYWAY) #ryuji #yk2 #rambling

[michaeljoncarter]

ya joking about kentuckystroke is funny and all, but if we can be really for real for a second, drawing a connection between slade's character and the very specific cultural weirdnesses & religious... issues of rural appalachia is one of the most big-brained ideas in the history of comic books

it's only directly addressed like once & the rest of the time, it's just in subtle little references to a religious upbringing, but it's such an insanely perfect fit that all those disparate character traits i could just never really manage to find believable because there was no clear through-line or reason for any of it instantly added up like the second that fool started quoting the kjv from memory, everything about him suddenly made perfect sense

his weirdass "code" & completely amoral outlook on life has nothing to do with his brain being fried by being used as a human lab rat or as a way to rationalize murdering people for a living or whatever. that's literally just what growing up baptist does to a dude

#slade wilson #but 90s slade is definitely pentecostal because he had that whole thing where he went feral every now and then which is very penny #post-reboot slade doesn't have that kinda energy. he's just kinda tired and pissed and vaguely disappointed. & thats baptism baby! #if you have no idea what i'm talking about just smile and nod it's fine. and if you do i'm sorry about your childhood lol #anyway. this is barely a joke btw #reading the priest interviews got me thinking about it again.......... #i wanna make an annoyingly long post rambling about all the Implications & such w this one day #because it's soooososo good #the crunchiest character revamp ever & i'm never forgiving them for squandering it ! #(important disclaimer: i am from the area & say this all with love. begrudging love perhaps but love nonetheless. please dont be weird lol)

[good-beans]

Who was gonna tell me that Yonah FUCKS !!!!!!!!!

I finally sat down to watch it and sudddenly realized why it made people so upset with Kotoko -- it's "get the audience's ass" pt 2 (part one being Baptism of Fire)

What an Incredible, Precise, Scathing commentary on the public's view of punishment. On how we treat "justice" in the news when it's two parties we don't know. On how hypocritical we want justice but don't want our actions to have any consequences -- we want it to be done but we don't want it to be our fault. She makes a HUGE point about people ignoring mental stress and only feeling bad when people are physically suffering. Before getting attached, people did want the prisoners to get hurt and feel remorse. In real life people are constantly wishing pain onto wrongdoers so they change their ways.

She's making excellent points, as well as the voice drama overall emphasizing the fact that it's the right thing to do to get attached. She's 100% correct, but by framing her as a villain, Yamanaka encourages the audience that we should care about people. We should find out about everyone's lives and get attached before making judgements about them. This project remains about human understanding and love and I am amazed.

And from a character perspective, I just loved her view of the situation! I was worried from the bits of the vd people were posting that she was just going to be painted as a flat, villainous character, but she's so so deep. I love a character who will get their hands dirty to make a better world for the innocent characters they care about. And her speech when hugging Es really revealed how much that burden weighs on her. She isn't violent for fun. She doesn't enjoy it. But her heart is so broken by a world of injustice, she will take on this painful responsibility since she has the power to and others don't.

#milgram #yonah spoilers #finally sat down to listen to the whole thing and im going INSANE #its so fucking good #(i think it sucks she was going to beat up amane dont get me wrong but) honestly this really made me like kotoko so much more #she has a very keen eye for the way society works -- though shes only aware of the bad things which is where her mindset fails #she doesnt realize the good that attachment and forgiveness can do #but damn if she didnt speak the Truth about how people treat punishment and are hypocrites for calling her out on her attacks #AHHH #i was scared to watch it since i thought it was all going to paint her poorly but im so glad i finally did #kotoko yuzuriha #rose rambles

[seariii]

My take on Kotoko as a morally gray person, about a morally gray character who thinks in black and white

first of all, i absolutely love this woman, so all of this comes from a kotoko enjoyer, but when talking about canon i can not turn the blind eye to the wrongs she has done. i will talk about my perception of her murder, of her as a character and about her beating up the guilty prisoners (i will put this emoji 🐺 when i jump subjects just to keep it organized)

this next phrase is my personal take, i know some will disagree with me and thats okay, which also works as a tl;dr:

Kotoko didnt do anything wrong outside the prison, but she did wrong inside of it

i know beating up people isnt actually good, but she did research upon research to get to the bottom of the cases she was investigating and found the culprits this way. "but she could've brought them upon justice" and you arent wrong about that, but the victim she actually murdered, even when his identity was revealed to the public, the law didnt bring justice upon him.

screenshots & translations from @/maristelina (i didnt put everything in here, if you wanna check all the articles, please go check on their post!)

her victim was a child murderer, he had already killed 10 girls in 2 years, but even then, he was still free because of his father’s position of power. 

then we have her other victim, the man she beat up and sent to the hospital

there are a couple articles dedicated to this one. but a quick run down: the man, Mikio Oshii, was wanted for theft and assault, having tricked at least 2 or 3 elderly people, pretending to be a bank employee, and convincing them to hand over cash, he pushed one of his victims, fracturing her ankle. 

then we have the article about Kotoko’s assault. again a quick run down: someone heard screaming and found a man lying on the ground, who had lost consciousness after being beaten up, and was taken to the hospital. the police suspects a man (kotoko was wearing men’s sneakers and covering herself up). the victim was wanted for theft and assault charges and was Mikio Oshii.

further proving that she was aiming at people who prayed on the weak, she had good intentions (at least at first), and we also have the facts that she was trying to go through the lawful(?) path at first 

she was studying law, showing us that she genuinely believed her cause, bringing justice to the world and protecting the innocent, or “weaklings” as she calls them, more on that later.  that she was gonna try and go for the morally correct route, but what changed? what is that thing she “wants to do”? i hope we get to see her reasoning on the next trial. for now i agree with the theory that says that her or her family was victim of someone like the guy that was above law for having money and a father with a position of power. showing her the flaws of the law/justice system and thus taking matters into her own hands.

🐺 i personally believe that there are some people who dont deserve second chances, like pedos and rapists, and like the man kotoko murdered, between others. so this is why i forgive her from her crimes. she did proper research, she is passionate about it, she wants to protect the weak, or thats what she tries to convince herself of, because this brings me to my next point

she does have those violent tendencies, and she enjoys them

“this feels so good”

this is from the t1 trailer, people suspect this were phrases they said after their murders. so i think there is a possibility that while she was trying to convince herself that her actions were for justice, to try and protect the weak, and i dont doubt that that was where it came from at first, she ended up doing it out of personal enjoyment.

i once read that “if you do a good deed because you want to do it, it means that you arent a good person. to be a good person you need to do good deeds without wanting something in return” meaning that you should be uninterested on even the satisfaccion of said deed. this is a phrase that i absolutely hate and dont agree with, but i think it applies in here. kotoko was trying to do something “good” (morality is on the bearer’s eyes) by bringing to justice people who kept escaping it, by taking revenge for those weaklings she so desperately wants to protect, and while thats her main motivation, she also does it because she wants to.

i believe my girl has a thirst for power. she is self righteous, the way she refers to the people she wants to protect as “weaklings” its like shes putting them down in some way, the way on her VD she just wants to keep rambling about her theories, the way she inserted herself on Mikoto’s interrogation, the way she just assumes Es’ intentions and doesnt seem to accept when they call her out on it. she doesnt listen to others at all and once her mind is set on something, there is nothing that can move her from there. she isnt a good person…. but also, she isnt a bad person, and i feel that the fandom forgets those two statements can coexist. even if she sees herself as a saint, and firmly believes that she did nothing wrong, thats because

🐺 her world view is black and white. and this is why while i condone her actions on her murder, i do not condone her actions of beating up the guilty prisoners.

a lot of the prisoners have a black and white morality, heck, milgram itself as a system IS black and white. and from what i’ve read, a lot of the fandom also thinks in black and white. all of which i find extremely… interesting…. tbf its the nd majority vote game about nd murderers on the nd website, so makes sense (im half joking, sorry)

kotoko attacked the guilty prisoners because thats what she had been doing, and thats what she got voted innocent for on t1 (i wasnt around). but no one told her to do that, she acted on her own, she misinterpreted her judgment and forced her opinions and methods on others, claiming it were Es’, without their knowledge and without ours.

as a side note, when i first got into the fandom, i found surprising to see that kotoko was inno and fuuta was guilty on t1, since from my perspective their crimes are basically the same, they both exposed and harrowed “bad” people.

i make a lot of emphasis on black and white thinking, since its something im familiarized with, for example lets talk Amane since its her trial is still going

she is the type of girl who will correct other’s mistakes, who will call them out and try to fix them so that the others can be right, like her. her truth is absolute and even when it flails, she stands her ground and proceeds to believe in herself and her views of the world. in what i said, you could re read that and it would also apply to kotoko, and just like her, Amane also convinced herself of doing something she wanted to do by telling herself it was the right thing to do. kotoko’s “protecting the weaklings” directly translates to amane’s “punishing her mother for her sins (hurting the cat)”. so while in both cases there were hidden feelings, something tells me neither of the girls knew about their own ulterior motives, thats how well they convinced themselves.

people who think in black and white just see it as it is, right or wrong, left or right, green or blue, there is no other choice but those two. and from my personal experiences with myself and with others, its something you end up applying in almost every aspect of your life and its really difficult to change up this way of thinking. beginning to see the grays of the world and its other options its not an easy task without some proper help

overall, i dont believe she was right for hurting the guilty prisoners, and fuuta losing his eye because of her gives me a horrible gut feeling. overall, it also ties on her need for power, since she firmly believes shes Es’ “fang”, thus reducing herself a weapon for justice, not implementing her own judgment anymore, but someone else’s, ours, which my problem with her actions in this scenario. i firmly believe that if outside the prison she had came across mahiru or fuuta, she wouldn’t have attacked them, but  after her t1 inno, and getting her ideals supported, her beliefs became radical, and now shes going based on our ideals, our judgments, our right or wrong, our black and white morality, MILGRAM’s black and white morality.

🐺 im still a kotoko inno truther, and i love her, shes my favorite character. but i dont expect her to get innocent this trial, as she did wrong. i dont want to say it was our fault that she harmed the other prisoners, since we had no way of knowing this would happen. in retrospect we can say whatever we want, but none of us can read the future. 

i dont even have a real argument on why you should vote her innocent “shes pretty” is not good enough lmao… but who knows, maybe we will see something that makes her worthy of an inno vote on her second trial a few months from now (not counting on it, probably wont be enough)

in the end i wrote this because im really passionate about this character and her black and white views on the world (shes so intense). and because this beautiful person @archivalofsins told me to "keep talking about kotoko" and i have zero self control regarding this fictional woman.

🐺 i believe with the help of a third party, someone who could act as a moral compass to her and could teach her that the world has more colors, more choices, and if she actually learns about this, she would end up being an amazing thing. 

also, if the theory about her being an accomplice of the serial killer turns out to be true, i will puke and cry :) 

#please forgive me for i am not good at character analysis and i was just rambling about my fictional wife #also never give me an open floor to talk about my hyperfixations someone needs to put limits and its not gonna be myself #im sorry if this isnt comprehensible its almost 4am as im typing this and i always talk so much i get distracted and forget what i was #saying but i tried my very best to try to organize my ideas in a way that others could maybe understand!! #im also sorry if there is something wrong with the spelling or the way i said something english isnt my first language #milgram #kotoko yuzuriha #milgram analysis #long post #also not her parallels with amane making me a little more fond of the little girl #about the moral compass its me ill be her moral compass i dont trust other people to give proper judgment #or maybe it could be a small group project but just a small one because i dont work well in large groups #wife <3 #seari writes

[time-is-restored]

btw this might be me swinging a bat at a hornets nest but like. absolutely none of my disappointment from the tl finale comes from ship baiting or any relationships that didn’t happen (though to be clear, i think the tedbecca fake outs were meanspirited and served no narrative purpose - in noted contrast to the season's earlier jamiekeeley fakeouts, for example, which were explicitly there to demonstrate jamie's growth + maturity)

tedpendant is a really fun concept for me, and i LOVE the characterisation + thematic potential there!

but as someone who personally resonated with a lot of ted’s struggles, the idea that ted could leave richmond so… seamlessly, for lack of a better word, really doesn’t sit right with me. the thesis of the shows entire first season - assuming it can be said to have only one - was about how everyone needs the love and support of a community, whether that comes in the flavour of someone who hypes u tf up or someone who will relentlessly call u on ur shit (or, as happened quite frequently, both!).

rebecca, roy, jamie are the clearest examples as the characters with the most screentime: they were all deeply isolated and disconnected from the people around them, and that was making them miserable. the connections they made with the team, the vulnerability they finally allowed themselves to express (the ghost banishing ceremony comes to mind!), and them going on to want *more* out of their life are what made their arcs about *progression* rather than *regression*. without that clear theme of compassion + community inspiring positive growth in everyone who encounters it, there is, frankly, no season one.

my personal favourite scene from season one comes right after michelle walks away from ted, when they’ve agreed to get divorced. ted sits down on the bench looking gutted, and a little shell shocked - and beard sits down with him. hands him the drink, and they sit there together. silent, but together. to me, that scene is an implicit promise from the episode, to the audience: ‘it’ll be okay. it’s going to be hard, but ted isn’t alone, and his friends won’t leave him behind.’

it also makes it clear to the audience that ted isn’t the saintly-giver-of-grace who needs nothing in return, as one might assume on first brush, but rather that he’s Also struggling with his own shit (as is everyone, always, in real life!) and he has something he needs from the people around him too.

and looking at the text of s3, and the conclusion to his arc in the finale, i just don’t believe that he got it. he wasn’t just sad that he was leaving (which would be understandable!), he was completely closed off. unresponsive to the people around him reaching out, borderline confused as to why they were trying so hard!

(side note, while i completely respect the read of ted and trents last interaction being rather rude + ooc on ted’s part, i personally read a different motive into it. for me, it was more like… he didn’t understand where trents enthusiasm was coming from? like, he read that as trent being too invested in what other people think of him, and responded in a way that he hoped would emphasise that ted doesn’t *need* to laugh at everything trent wrote, bc trent Already Knows that he’s done something really cool and kickass, and he shouldn’t value anyone else’s reactions above that. basically, based on his demeanour in the episode, i genuinely don’t think it would’ve even occurred to him that trent was more invested in HIS reaction than he would’ve been with anyone else.)

again, looking purely at the text, the show had already established that ted has really strong depressive + avoidant tendencies, as well as panic attacks (largely triggered by his fear of not being ‘good enough’ in various roles, ie: a father). we saw one area he was able to calm HIMSELF abt these fears (worry for henry, which is a Hell of a choice considering the ending…), but in literally every other heightened moment, he had to rely on his support system to help him make the choices that he WANTED to make, rather than ones inspired by avoidance and fear (ie: confronting michelle abt jake, talking to his mum abt why she was visiting + his dads death).

and to be clear, this is a GOOD THING! we’re not supposed to go through life alone, no matter how bad OR well we’re doing. rebecca and keeleys friendship isn’t worth less for all the scenes where they’re both in good places. if anything, the opposite is true - it’s lovely that they both have someone who want to celebrate the achievements in their life!

and fuck it, we’re sure as hell not supposed to go through life with exactly one (1) person whom we expect to fulfill ALL of our emotional needs at all times either! like, im sure i don’t need to labour my point here, but tying everything to one (1) person in ur life doesn’t make u any less isolated than if u were going it completely alone, whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a partner. i won’t pretend to know the first thing abt what it’s like to be a parent, but i don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that no parent would be at their best if they had absolutely no support/camaraderie/general love provided to them from Anyone other than their child.

so when ted is SPECIFICALLY shown to be in a bad place, over and over again (did he come to terms w his fear to be close to henry overnight???????), and then removed from his community? of COURSE the audience is left feeling unsettled, and like the rug has been pulled out from under them. there was no time in this finale dedicated to how ted would still be in contact with anyone from richmond. no promises of visits, or phone calls - fuck, nothing about emails!! according to the text, we might as well assume this is a clean break (and the maybe-dream-sequence does Fuck All to assure us otherwise. if ted doesn’t go to beards wedding, what WOULD he go to????). and since the show has ALSO completely failed to give us even an IMPLICATION of who/what ted’s support system would be in kansas, there’s… a reasonable argument to be made that this is It for ted. that, after two seasons doing NOTHING but attesting otherwise, the audience is supposed to suddenly believe that ted can (and SHOULD!) pull himself up by his bootstraps, and cope entirely on his own.

that, to me, is a betrayal of the show’s premise. we were promised a show about how, no matter how dark things may get, none of the characters would be left to struggle alone. and then they ended the show with ted alone.

i don’t know. i guess if i had to give this post a tldr; if anyone has any gen fic/meta/Literally Anything in the pipeline, i would absolutely love to be tagged/directed towards it. i’ll be endeavouring to write something myself, as well, but it might take a while before i can return to my WIP, lol.

#this is the most measured version of this post i was capable of fghjskdjhgfdgjhsfd #the least measured one is just the aromantic flag with the ‘we are going to beat u to death’ meme overlaid #look ik this is hardly impartial wrt very small + insular communities like nuclear families #but its fucking impossible to go into media analysis and not bring Anything from ur real life in there w u #so im trying to forgive myself for being a little hashtag Vulnerable + Opinionated on main #in the spirit of what this show could’ve been lol #if not here then where etc etc #Ted lasso spoilers #Ted lasso meta #Ted lasso critical #also just to be clear here im being dead serious abt that last point #im spiritually doing the jamie run to demonstrate to u all how badly i want gen shit #please. p l e a s e . #okay wait last ramble here but. this is also why the lack of information we got on trent was so crushing to me #like ur telling me this man went through the incredibly painful + harrowing process of breaking out of his (comfortable! safe) shell + #cynical journalist persona. came out to someone VERY important in his life. and has done nothing but face the music wrt acknowleding #his past mistakes + endeavouring to be better and kinder. and we never get to know if he has ANY support through all that? at all? #is he dating? what's his family situation like? does he have full custody? any friends from work? any friends period????? #like i can should must and will die on the beard + roy + higgins + colins are trents best friends hill but #its like the premise of the show stopped mattering just in time for him to be left in a legitimately depressing limbo #like 'yes everyone needs love + support bc life is rlly hard. but we're tired of making a show abt that so This Is All Ur Getting #+ screw anyone's personal life that u didn't already see in s1. You Know Enough.' #anyway i love u all this is a very silly show and im gonna go play t.o.t.k for a few hours o/ <3

[eggydaxy]

I’m gonna stamp a huge bi flag on every taleena drawing I make from now on so everyone gets the picture

#/j #ramblings #forgive me if I sound aggressive but it’s so hard to actually feel happy about bi rep when all you see is erasure #I’m holding tight onto the very little bi4bi rep we get

[fleshandwires]

god. I'm thinking of one-sided shockbee again

Love the idea of Shockwave being the one crushing on Bee first, maybe that little crush starts on boot camp. Bumblebee is always around him, trying to seem cool and great at everything, Shockwave thinks it's annoying at first, he can't wait for this mission to end and offline this annoying thing.

But then he gets used to Bumblebee. He actually listens and pays attention to every word that comes out of Bee's mouth, the minibot's grown into him, and he hates it. Bumblebee's annoying, immature, and a loudmouth, traits a bot who's trying to be part of Intel (and also hiding the fact they're a Decepticon) shouldn't find endearing. And yet, he has found himself more than once looking at Bumblebee and listening.

Bumblebee doesn't help the situation at all, he's making it worse. He'd go around holding Longarm's hand to drag him somewhere, or get too close during a simulation while trying to get cover and it makes Shockwave a mess, Bumblebee doesn't even try to keep his EM field to himself, it crashes into Shockwave's own when he gets close.

Toleration becomes something else, it starts making Shockwave go slowly insane about it, he's spending time with Bumblebee after he becomes head of Intel, buys gifts for him or other stuff Bumblebee has shown interest in. Bumblebee's probably aware of more than friendly feelings going on by now, but god they're probably both so stupid about it, no one confesses. ever.

Shockwave is infatuated with the minibot, he can't deny it, Bumblebee continues to plague his thoughts like a virus, he wants to crush him and put an end to all, he wants to hold him tight, wants to feel their spark fields interlace and beat like one, he wants to rip his spark out, it's a mess, and he dug himself deeper into it by indulging his feelings.

#i cant even put into words the way these two make me feel #worst part about this is that i have to make my own food </3 because my brain thinks of very specific scenarios #shockbee nation WE ARE FALLING APART #Come back 💔 #shockbee #tfa shockwave #tfa bumblebee #forgive me if this is rambly and makes no sense #im not feeling the greatest rn and writing this served as a distraction </3

[remyfire]

what is that pet name you have sid calling hawk? i can't seem to find a translation anywhere and i'm curious!

Hello! :D This is a headcanon that my friend @siriusnebulae came up with for Sidney, and I was so in love with it that I adopted it immediately.

Zissele is a Yiddish term of endearment that essentially means "sweetie," with the -ele suffix making it diminutive. This is why it's more "sweetie" than "sweetheart."

That suffix, -ele, is one that's often attached to names to demonstrate that this is a person you are very close and endeared to. So you take Hawk, add the diminutive suffix, and you get Hawkele!

Another one we have comes from me being like "Man, it's a shame that 'kitten' has become such a meme of a nickname, because Hawk is so cat-like that I bet he would honestly be smug and preening if someone called him that. I just can't bring myself to use it seriously when writing him." So Sirius was like, "Well, what about ketzeleh? Yiddish for kitten." And I was immediately sold.

Notably these headcanons all really came about because Sirius had been looking for a term of endearment Sidney might use for Hawkeye and came across the word 'feygele,' which means 'little bird' and was used frequently as a fond name for young girls. Gradually, it became a disparaging term for gay men, but it subsequently began to be reclaimed and defanged. I believe we both headcanon Sidney as a gay man, so there was a lot of power in the thought of him not only reclaiming that term but introducing it to Hawkeye, Captain Sodom himself, who then takes it with incredible glee and relish, and it becomes quite a fond and sometimes teasing endearment from Sidney.

We both headcanon Hawkeye as having a Jewish mother—he uses Yiddish so frequently in the course of the series and shows what appears to be quite a reverence when witnessing the bris in S3's Life With Father—and Sidney is Jewish as well, so letting them have that connection was really meaningful for us. I especially headcanon that Hawk had no other connections to his Jewish heritage when his mother passed away. He recognizes the fondness in Sidney's voice when he first uses those endearments and feels an instant warmth as he realizes they're Yiddish, but he doesn't know what they mean until Sidney tells him. It becomes a moment of being seen between them both, and Hawkeye especially gets to really feel that sense of belonging that he sometimes has been missing when it comes to his heritage.

So yeah, now I'm hooked on that headcanon! Those are Sidney's Special Names for Hawkeye, so I am incapable of writing any other characters utilizing them fhdkdfs

#i got very rambly here but it's because i love them please forgive me #i just love when characters have really lovely reasons to have their Special Nicknames for each other #especially when they get to be unique to those characters' story and ship #my ramblings #headcanons #my writing commentary #sidhawk

[merakiui]

jade leech my beloved little actor and sadist!!!! what happens after you disapear on the way to the hospital...im hooked now lol

I tell myself I won’t add another Jade concept to my ever-growing list of Jade concepts, and yet I’ve already done so. orz I just love the idea of Jade being so obsessed with someone that he’d do virtually anything to get their attention, even if that’s throwing himself into positions he normally wouldn’t. Even he can be a pathetic babygirl when he adores someone so much. But I also think he just likes the thrill of it all. He likes to scare those who try to take advantage of him when they think he’s inebriated and unable to properly defend himself. Oh, the surprise those people are in for when Jade straightens, loses the slurred speech, and smiles oh-so-sweetly, while his drunken façade is replaced with a frightening coherency. It’s his version of cruel fun.

Rambling aside, to answer your question, in my mind he absolutely threatened you to drive elsewhere. T-T or he forced you to pull over and knocked you unconscious so he could commandeer the wheel. <3 you are never making it to your home again, but you will wake in a very nice high-rise penthouse! His house is very pristine, always so clean, and so organized. It’s minimalistic, too. A very quaint design for someone like him, but for you it’s just unnerving. Nothing is ever out of place.

And it’s unfair. You’re in the middle of the city, looking out over a sparkling cityscape, and yet unable to truly call for help. No one will notice you from below, and it’s not like you can try to write an SOS on the large windows. Jade keeps you properly chained and restrained. He’s beyond annoying about everything, too. Always teasing and getting in little digs just to be irritating. But he keeps you well-fed and bathed and clothed, and he doesn’t treat you terribly.

But he’s horribly obsessed. He shows you the little journal he has for you, and it’s page after page detailing information he’s gathered over years of stalking. He’s nothing if not dedicated, determined, and diligent. On top of that, there’s a page in there with every bar and club in the city, most of them scratched through with a perfect line. Those are the ones you’ve never visited, according to him. The ones you have are either highlighted or marked with a star to indicate you frequent them often.

Jade has two closets that reflect his contrasting sides. One is filled with formal business wear. Suits, slacks, belts, an array of wristwatches, shoes shined to perfection, ties, and so on. It’s this closet that is unassuming and normal—praiseworthy, even. It’s an indication that he’s a man with a good job, with a good position, at a good company. The other closet is strictly for his little nightly escapades. Crop tops, fishnets, heeled boots (that he endured horrible blisters and heel pain for just to learn how to walk properly and confidently in them), slim-fitting trousers and shorts, ripped jeans, oversized band shirts, leather jackets with spikes, a variety of chokers and necklaces, sterling silver rings and bracelets, and all kinds of ear jewelry. If Jade’s going out with the purpose of being noticed by you, he at least wants to look appealing and appetizing (even if he’ll be acting not so appealing or appetizing).

It’s a shame he won’t be able to go out very often now that he has you all to himself, but the enjoyment he derives from you greatly outweighs any twisted entertainment he gets from putting others in their place. People at those bars and clubs like to think they can have Jade because he’s (in their eyes) an attractive, single man alone at a club. But the truth is they can’t afford him and he’s saving himself for someone very special. :)

#twisted chit chat #yandere twst #forgive me for rambling orz #jade leech is a fun muse <3 #i like him a very normal amount ^^;;;;

[landfilloftrash]

autism media meet autism inspired characters

#my art #dnd art #DnD OCs #my OC #Cash (oc) #friend’s OC #Aromar (OC) #Sphinx (OC) #Les Misérables #Les Mis #Javert #Jean Valjean #those tags are for my sorting on here but. You know. So-- sorry main tag :’) #as well as forgive Javert's ever changing coat w/ me. I'm desperately trying to figure out how that thing works + his supposed uniform #Cash and Eno were inspired by very different parts of Valjean and are slowly taking their own paths (one closer to their inspiration than #the other. Kore’s OC of Aromar on the other hand…. We shall see. Inspired heavily by MaZM Erik and Javert.. this can only go badly /aff) #all of this and we’re in a Fallen London setting. WHEEEEE #Rea rambles in the tags #shut up Rea #rea’s trash

[tityre-tu-scurra]

"Cicero couldn't have been a guide to Dante cause he would've spent all the time rambling about how those fucking poetae novi keep writing of love and spirituality and not of politics".

- Natalino Sapegno, probably.

#(fyi Sapegno is prolly the most important and famous Divine Comedy commentator) #cit. my friend who hates Cicero #also forgive me for rambling about Dante but I've been very much into his Comedy lately #divine comedy #divina commedia #dante alighieri #marcus tullius cicero

[itspileofgoodthings]

Nina and I are unfortunately like dynamite and gunpowder. something happens and we’re just like oh yeah? You wanna go? Let’s go! Meet me in the ring bitch!

#part of our power is the insane SPEED and then reconciliation of our fights #we forgive and communicate as fast as we fight #but there is no one in the world who makes me just SAY the shit I shouldn’t say than her #like she just. she herself is so fast and so blunt and so ruthless and so bullying and so LOUD #that it fires me right up and it’s like okay well FINE the gloves are off #but then it makes me anxious after like. did I say something TOO hurtful #Nina and I always joke we have the RANGE #because for all of my we’re the struggling married couple of sisters #we also have times where the fun and exchange of ideas is flowing #and this ability to say and hear things to/from each other that most people don’t/can’t? #like. the level of rock-solid trust is SO high. but equally high is our wildly differing personalities and worldview #so there isn’t anything quite like it and it can be confusing from the outside #like I HAVE to meet her in the parking lot because she’ll be being the WORST #but also she thinks I am being the worst #but anyway I do hate when a fight seems like NEW territory #and then I always worry that I have done irreversible damage #I can hear Nina in my head mocking that very idea because she is so tough #and mocking the anxiety of me being like nothing can ever be okay again #but life and certain subjects have been traumatizing in the past year #so idk what is safe exactly right now #I am FULLY rambling and having a million thoughts at once #but yeah #SORRY FOR SWEARING #twice

[zellk]

Feeling bits and pieces of Lana & Rena's story fall into place these past weeks/months since I've started to re-think about them is so satisfying.... I really wanna find something better than the first/old version of their dynamic ! (I don't blame young me, I didn't know any better back then haha) There's still a lot of weird spots and events & changes to figure out (especially their order of arrival) but it's so so fun thinking about them again aaaaa, I missed my messy girls so much

#truly figuring out that Lana is a bitch was what broke the dam I think #their story just wans't really working bc Lana was a very... passive paticipant ??? like very reactive / stuff would happen TO her #but not BECAUSE of her #now though ??? oh boy hahahaha #she grows a lot though... rn I'm trying to figure out the moment she starts to accept her really check slap #and understands she has to make ammends (but later... understand that she has to forgive herself) #I need to spend more time thinking about Rena in the future but for now I've been pleasantly surprised to figure out the person she is #outside of her traumatised self fdksjhk #she is so soft she kinda makes me want to cry ngl #paracosm #lana #rena #renaiel #lanare #beary talk #oc #ocs #beary ramble #symphonia #zellk #zellk ocs