#very lenghty ones for this list!!!

[cuties-in-codices]

Where do you find these manuscripts? Is it like a website or do you find it randomly??

hey, thanks for the curiosity! lenghty answer below the cut :)

1)

medieval manuscripts are typically owned by libraries and showcased on the library's websites. so one thing i do is i randomly browse those digitized manuscript collections (like the collections of the bavarian state library or the bodleian libraries, to name just two), which everybody can do for free without any special access. some digital collections provide more useful tools than others (like search functions, filters, annotations on each manuscript). if they don't, the process of wading through numerous non-illustrated manuscripts before i find an illustrated one at all can be quite tedious.

2)

there are databases which help to navigate the vast sea of manuscripts. the one i couldn't live without personally use the most is called KdIH (Katalog der deutschsprachigen illustrierten Handschriften des Mittelalters). it's a project which aims to list all illustrated medieval manuscripts written in german dialects. the KdIH provides descriptions of the contents of each manuscript (with a focus on the illustrations), and if there's a digital reproduction of a manuscript available anywhere, the KdIH usually links to it. the KdIH is an invaluable tool for me because of its focus on illustrated manuscripts, because of the informations it provides for each manuscript, and because of its useful search function (once you've gotten over the initial confusion of how to navigate the website). the downside is that it includes only german manuscripts, which is one of the main reasons for the over-representation of german manuscripts on my blog (sorry about that).

3)

another important database for german manuscripts in general (i.e. not just illustrated ones) is the handschriftencensus, which catalogues information regarding the entirety of german language manuscripts of the middle ages, and also links to the digital reproductions of each manuscript.

4)

then there are simply considerable snowball effects. if you do even just superficial research on any medieval topic at all (say, if you open the wikipedia article on alchemy), you will inevitably stumble upon mentions of specific illustrated manuscripts. the next step is to simply search for a digital copy of the manuscript in question (this part can sometimes be easier said than done, especially when you're coming from wikipedia). one thing to keep in mind is that a manuscript illustration seldom comes alone - so every hint to any illustration at all is a greatly valuable one (if you do what i do lol). there's always gonna be something interesting in any given illustrated manuscript. (sidenote: one very effective 'cheat code' would be to simply go through all manuscripts that other online hobbyist archivers of manuscript illustrations have gone through before - like @discardingimages on tumblr - but some kind of 'professional pride' detains me from doing so. that's just a kind of stubbornness though. like, i want to find my material more or less on my own, not just the images but also the manuscripts, and i apply arbitrary rules to my search as to what exactly that means.)

5)

whatever tool or strategy i use to find specific illustrated manuscripts-- in the end, one unavoidable step is to actually manually skim through the (digitized) manuscript. i usually have at least a quick look at every single illustrated page, and i download or screenshot everything that is interesting to me. this process can take up to an hour per manuscript.

---

in conclusion, i'd say that finding cool illuminated manuscripts is much simpler than i would have thought before i started this blog. there are so many of them out there and they're basically just 'hidden in plain side', it's really astounding. finding the manuscripts doesn't require special skills, just some basic experience with/knowledge of the tools available. the reason i'm able to post interesting images almost daily is just that i spend a lot of time doing all of this, going through manuscripts, curating this blog, etc. i find a lot of comfort in it, i learn a lot along the way, and i immensely enjoy people's engagement with my posts. so that's that :)

#if you ever have any specific questions about any of these tools or my strategies feel free to ask or dm me #i'd also be interested in recommendations of databases that are specific to other languages/regions that are neither german nor english #preferably with a focus on illuminated manuscripts #or useful databases that are just not very well known #ask #medieval art #medieval studies #btw @anon sorry for only getting around to answering your ask now #and re: your following message. first of all never apologize for your english skills. like ever #it's a daily struggle for me as well tbh. i never post anything without german/english dictionary tabs open lol #and i feel like i 'owe' it to the tumblr blogger format to write in smooth english #secondly your question wasn't dumb at all! i'm glad somebody asked :)

[just-antithings]

Someone recently posted on Twitter a trigger warning list for the Inazuma Eleven series, which is very lenghty. Is all valid and all and tbh I haven't checked the fandom in years. But I can see it now plagged with antis. Which is funny considering this is one of the most Yaoi/Shota bait animes I know (specially in the sequels)

Tbh I’m pretty skeptical of trigger warning lists after the one I saw that had a middle school student having a crush on a high school student labeled as “weird pedophilic undertones”

#mod erin #ask #shota mention #pedophillia mention #just anti things

[postbadbadassqueen]

Kallen/Lelouch Fanfiction recommandations, Big plot fics Edition

This fanfiction list is all about Big plot fics where you can find some nice shipping of Kallen/Lelouch; Be warned that the romance in those fics is a subplot (my favorite type of work lol) so it's not all about shipping (One of my all time favorite got interrupted even before the shipping happened but it's too great of a read to not be mentioned there, so it will be there anyway xD) and some are ongoing or interrupted forever, so in some they might not be the final pairing and in othesr you'll have to imagine the end ; Still all of them are amazing read and I strongly advice you to bookmark those;

(Kalulu files gif cause why not; Also click on the title to read the fics and don't forget to leave reviews !)

Ice and Fire ; by Al Smash This work is a reverted work where Kallen actually gets to wear the mask of Zero and it's BRILLIANT, the author really master those characters and while Kallen reminds me from time to time Cagalli from Gundam seed (which isn't that surprising cause they have similarities anyway) the characters are still very much them, even if Lelouch is less excessive lol; Anyway super entertaining and a great read.

Code Geass Meggido; by Wing Zero Alpha This one is certainly one of the most popular fic amongts the Kalulu fandom for it's a very big plot fic and very Kallen/Lelouch as well; It begins at the end of Season 1 and takes a whole new direction that's very unexpected ; I honestly enjoy it a lot so I wish you a good reading if you didn't read it yet !

Lelouch of Britannia; by Cal Reflector If you never read Lelouch of Britannia you have probably never read Code Geass fics before, this one is one of the two most popular Geass fics of the Geass fandom, the other being Dauntless, Everyone seems to have read Lelouch of Britannia and it's natural since it's just perfect. Lelouch is a prince in this one and never left Britannia. R E A D I T

Code Geass The Game of Kings; by Lord Bear The Game of Kings is also easily one of the most well known fic of the Geass fandom, after the end of Geass it was one of the most talked about cause it's an insanely well written fic, with a super rich and interesting plot that takes place after the end of R2, It's a what if fic with unexpected characters coming back (in a very smart way) and with a very interesting plot ; Everyone should read Game of Kings (Be warned, you'll cry tears of blood after that cause you'll know what a decent S3 could have looked like instead of this shitty piece of fanfiction we got with the resurrection AU)

I Heard the world ; by YamipaladinofChaos This wonderful author worked on his own lenghty fic and it's just gret ; In this one everything is reverted; Britannia has been subdued and the Grand empire of Japan is ruling them ; Shirley is a resistance fighter, Kallen and Naoto (yes Naoto ! Yami is perfection made author really) are the light of Japan and it's all super entertaining and fabulously written, as usual with YamipaladinofChaos.

In The Land of the Blind...; By soulstar07 This work of art is currently on going and I think everyone, who was actually interested in the Black Knights as characters, (or who just love great fics with great character devellopment and great Lelouch) should read it. While It's not a shipping fic (at least for now there is no romance on going, wich is more than fine) it's an AU that happens after the end of S1 that works on a very intelligent and interesting alternate scenario where Lelouch and the BK have been captured; The main plot revolves about Lelouch's new strategic to get back on tracky but actually involved the black knight greatly; The work on each of them is marvelous (Oghi damn) and it's a super interesting what if version of Geass where Lelouch has to learn to trust and rely on the black Knights more ; Kallen obviously plays a major role as well and you just got to love how the author actually manages to put both back Lelouch and Kallen at their rightful place, which is basically kids doing some adult jobs; No, really read it, review it, enjoy it, you'll have no regret doing so.

Excalibur The Witch in the Lake ; by AmintaDefender This one is the Book 2 of a on going work of fiction with Lelouch still as a prince ; I could have recommanded Book 1, (and i'd recommand it if you have time anyway) but you can understand everything starting from book 2, and since Kallen appears only in book 2 I though it would be smarter to mention it ; While Kallen and Lelouch are at this point absolutely not a pairing they have some very great devellopment even though Kaguya/Lelouch might be very likely as well, but above all, Excalibur is just wonderful to read, It's literally what brought me back to the Geass fandom, even the Ocs are interesting, and her work on Charles/Marianne or Nunnally is just brilliant. The author also has a very active discord linked at the end of every chapter and if you want to talk more about geass or ship i'd strongly invite you to go there :D After The End ; By Lance 1122 Another bonus absolutely amazing ongoing fic for which i strongly urge (beg ?)you to review after reading so that the author feels motivated in going on; the set up is absolutely great, going AU after episode 20 of season 1, so Euphie is actually alive, Lelouch is seemingly emperor (and a ruthless one) Kallen is actively wanted and...and some other super interesting stuff are going on and you need to read it to find out cause i don't wanna spoil it ! The author has others ongoing fic, if he keeps going i'll definitely add those in a future fic rec list, but so far this one has everything to become one of the best fics of the geass section, so I hope the author will go on !

That's about it for this post, hope it helps some hungry Geass fans (Yeah cause those fics will feed various type of fans and even shippers as some are multi ships as well)

#code geass #kallen stadtfeld #kallen kozuki #lelouch vi britannia #lelouch lamperouge #lelouch of the rebellion #lelouch x kallen #code geass hangyaku no lelouch #it's all in the original and not in the alternative #fanfiction #code geass fanfiction #lulukare #kalulu

[bnhaobservation]

I think enji apology to Shouto was lame I don't think a simple sorry should be enough...

You wrote just a sentence but there's so much I want to say about the topic I hope you'll excuse me if you get a lenghty reply...

Now... I'll assume you're referring to the scene in chap 390, right? The one in which he apologizes to his whole family? Please, correct me if I'm wrong.

Now, premise.

I'm not a particularly forgiving person. Enji destroyed his whole family. If I were in the shoes of one of his family members I wouldn't forgive him, regardless of him saying sorry or not.

So yeah, FOR ME, sorry isn't enough. It doesn't even begin to cut it.

The problem is the story isn't about me but about the Todorokis and we were told long ago his family (except for Touya) has already planned to forgive him way before he were to say 'sorry'. So to them 'sorry' is a bonus, not even a requirement to forgive him.

I'll try to keep this not overly long so I won't dig into the reasons why a fictional family chose to forgive someone who did to them the things Enji did, despite him doing so little for them to make up for his wrongdoing. It happens in real life too so it's not completely irrealistic.

It's their decision... and it's Horikoshi's decision to depict them as so forgiving because the end goal was likely always rebuilding the family.

Now... chap 390 is not the first time Enji apologizes to Shouto and the rest of his family. The previous apologies which were shown were also lame so I don't blame you if you don't remember them (Enji is really, really bad at apologizing)... and possibly there were apologies which weren't shown as plenty of time went by between the moment Enji decided to atone and chap 390 so lot of things could have happened.

Many of us didn't expect him to apologize again to the family in such circumstances, we expected him to apologize to Touya because he was the only one who hadn't gotten an apology yet... and he's clearly very upset to say the least (and Enji didn't even seem to have prepared an apology or something to say to him...).

Yet Enji apologizes again, not just to Touya but to all of his family members, no more a group 'sorry' but a sorry for each of them (which is still lame because he skips a lot of his wrongdoing). Yes, Shouto is the only one who doesn't get to hear why he's sorry.

It can be that the answer on why Shouto doesn't get an 'I'm sorry because...' is Doylist, we, as readers, were told repeatedly what Enji did to Shouto, it's impossible we've forgotten so Horikoshi didn't feel to fill the balloon with a list, we know why Enji should feel sorry... or that Horikoshi just wanted to save this for later, so that it would have more impact and would be a Shouto & Enji scene.

It can be that the answer is Watsonian, Enji might not have gotten to finish because Shouto is fainting so wouldn't hear whatever he were to say after, or because his sorry, in Enji's mind, is meant to cover EVERYTHING he put him through (which was quite a lot).

Enji's atonement/redemption arc always left many people unsatisfied because... he seemed to do so little to earn forgiveness from his family... he doesn't seem to deserve it.

People complained about poor writing.

After reading it many times after chap 390 dropped, I've been wondering if, instead, the fact that Enji seemed to do too little wasn't indeed the whole point.

Let's go through a traditional redemption arc for a moment.

After doing one or more terrible deeds a character is pushed to regret them. The regret comes either because he didn't mean to do them but circumstances forced his hands or because something (usually traumatic or eye opening) happens that causes him to regret his actions.

At this the character starts to feel terrible for what he did and work hard to show how sorry he is, to make up to those he had wronged and earn forgiveness.

That's not how Enji's arc takes place.

When Enji realizes he has to atone?

When, contrary to his expectations HE, and not Shouto, ends up as Number 1, not because he has surpassed All Might but because All Might... retired... and he decided the role of the Number 1 might be protect the future but... ops... he ruined the future of some people, namely his family members.

Rei is in a psychiatric hospital, Touya is dead, Natsuo doesn't want to have anything to do with him, Shouto doesn't view him as a father.

That's not how a Number 1 should have acted.

His atonement arc seem to stem from his sense of duty at being Number 1, not from genuine regret for his actions because he understood his family's feelings and how he hurt them.

As readers we're bound to catch it up and... well, someone who apologizes merely out of duty and not out of genuine emotional regret often doesn't feel like deserving to be forgiven, the apology feels like a pro forma.

I think the idea is that, through the story, Enji learns to empathize with the pain he caused, how his family can't just shrug it off because it was a big deal to them.

As Touya said 'the past never dies', each of them will have to live with the consequences of Enji's actions, he can't just wash them away.

And, during his clash with Touya, Enji finally came to realize that it was his mistakes what lead to that situation and, finally, regrets his actions not because they weren't fitting of the Number 1, but because they were cruel to his family members.

That's why at the end of it all he apologizes not just to Touya but to his whole family again. Because this time he's truly sorry for what he did, not because it was something he shouldn't have done, but because he has grasped the enormity of the pain he caused.

It's a lame apology? Oh yes, but this time I think the core is it's heartfelt. This is the point in which Enji's redemption arc can really start because now he's ready to make up to his family, not due to his duty as Number 1 but because he, as Todoroki Enji, wants to make up to them. Now, Enji can work on earning forgiveness in a way that won't feel lame, a mere lip service.

The problem is that, with the manga ending, we might get to see very little of it but, I like to think, this time Enji will genuinely try to gain his family's forgiveness, to do something for them with care toward their feelings. And this, of course, includes Shouto, and includes seeing Shouto as more than just a future Hero, Shouto is his child and his own person, not merely another Hero in the Hero industry and Enji has mistreated him horribly (he was a child of 5 for crying out loud and he caused him to throw up as he trained him! He isolated him from his family, didn't let him play with his siblings, had him watch as he beat his mother so that Shouto felt guilty over it and over Rei's following mental break up and didn't dare to see her for 10 years!).

At least, that's my speculation in regard to Horikoshi's intentions.

Of course I might be wrong and it can be that Enji's atonement arc is just badly written and therefore his actions, including his apology, come as unsatisfying because they're poorly written. I'm not Horikoshi, I don't really know what he's thinking and my guess is as good as anyone else.

We can only wait and see.

Thank you for your ask!

#Ask #Todoroki Enji #Todoroki Shouto #Todoroki Touya #Todoroki Rei #Todoroki Fuyumi #Todoroki Natsuo

[itomiu]

hiii beloved 💓✨ how about !! top 5 gg makeup looks & !! top 5 ptg songs ? 🫶✨🌸

bieeelovedest hi !! i'm gonna answer the ptg songs first and put the rest under a read more bc she is going to get a lil lenghty ..

top 5 ptg songs

sparkling night ... i've been listening to it every day for Months i would be lying if i didnt put it first

spring snow

naughty boy

thumbs up!

don't (a new addition to the list bc i love her)

top 5 gg makeup looks

i got sooo distracted while looking for pics bc i would think of one look and then be like ooooo pretty and forget what i was looking for .. anyway, in no particular order !

taeyeon's makeup during INVU era but this one in particular was sooo stunning

stayc's makeup during stereotype !! it was so so prettie i looovee the eyeliner !!

aough a classic .. seulgi during monster era .. i LOVE the dark makeup on her and the lil dots under her eyes were super cute

lalalay sunmi !!!!!!

a very importand addition to the list .. haruna during ring ma bell era i loooove the red under her eyes hehe

#bie 🌻 #messages

[when-pigs-fly-4]

About Me

Hi! My name is Courtney. I do not feel like I am a very interesting or exciting person. I have been told I am passive aggressive. Which is definitely, probably true. I have also been told that I have OCD. Again, probably true. (I am sure you will agree when reading some of my posts.)

I have been married since 2009. My husband is awesome and amazing. He takes great care of me and our boys. Honestly, I am spoiled. He helps with dishes, laundry, cleaning, and running our boys. He coaches their sports when he can. He works insanely hard so we can survive with me only working part time. I am lucky.

We have four boys together. They are crazy and busy, but I love it! Between the four of them they do travel soccer, recreational soccer, school soccer, marching band, school basketball, travel basketball, track and field, archery, lacrosse, and..well I don’t know, but it feels like more!

When I get free time, I love designing and making shirts. It makes me happy to take someones thoughts or vision and turn them into a design. When I see someone wearing a shirt I made them, it is a cool feeling. Then when someone else reaches out because they want a shirt like the one I made, it is awesome.

I love reading. Mostly romance type books, but I enjoy other genres on the occasion as well. I don’t find much time to read and do it mainly laying in bed until I fall asleep.

My favorite animal has always been a pig. So, a flying pig is my thing. When I started selling the shirts I made, I decided on When Pigs Fly Designs. So, it only makes sense that my blog shares the name.

I have a list I keep called my pet peeves. It’s silly, but there are so many things that annoy me. My husband joked one day I needed to write them down because there was so many, so that is what I did. The list keeps growing.

My plan for this blog is to go through the lenghty list and explain why they are annoying to me. Maybe you will agree, or maybe you will laugh at them/me! Either way, I hope you enjoy. 🙂

#about myself #abt

[twistednuns]

April 2022

·  Destroy what you know.

·  Bonding with Margit over a 90s nostalgia attack triggered by a plastic pacifier necklace I'd seen. Thinking about going wild at a toy store spending a fixed budget on silly toys and gummy snakes.

·  Iced green tea flavoured with lemon and prickly pear.

·  Sending lenghty, image-heavy text messages to my mum (they're basically personal essays) after not talking for 5 weeks.

·  Buying a Lindt chocolate bunny as a treat for myself, just because it comes with a pink ribbon now instead of a red one. It's white strawberry chocolate and yes, I am indeed a marketing victim.

·  Instead of crossing things off a list I highlighted completed tasks with my new "magic" colour-changing pencil. And it was beautiful. But I'm one step ahead already; I should have mentioned writing with my favourite black ink pen on crips white paper (I was just about to write that I love extreme contrasts - thinking of black on white paper and nice black and white patterns on clothes - but in fact this really applies to my whole life. Living in extreme duality, having a hard time finding balance...)

·  Dennis remarking on how deliciously polarising he perceived me when I said that I actually went to the butcher's last week (as a vegetarian) but only bought a Capri Sun and explained how I thought artificial cherry flavour was far superior to the actual fruit.

·  Anastasia made a green bunny ring for me out of paper! Kawaii!

·  Exaggerated morning reunions with Becky.

·  Patterns combining royal blue and pink. I finally need to find the right dress to make up for the one I found in that Mexican outlet mall I didn't buy.

·  Olivie Blake! The Atlas Six has everything I want in a book: dark academia spiked with magic; mysterious libraries, undiscovered power, interesting characters and very insightful dialogue (I highlighted so many quotes - I feel seen in some of the character's observations and descriptions). The Secret History meets the Umbrella Academy - I could hardly put it down. And there is a sequel coming in October! I'm psyched!

·  Shopping my closet: I pulled out the Monet dress again and wore it immediately. It looks like a close-up of one of Monet's Nymphea paintings. Dark, lush greens and fresh pink for the petals.

·  An Easter surprise from my mum: Chocolates, a labradorite egg and some money in a pretty confetti box.

·  About compulsive habits.

·  The last day of school. Little presents from the kids, hiding Easter chocolates, watching an English movie, helping them draw bunnies. Bonding with Doris helping each other with some unfinished business, talking about her upcoming trip to Mexico. She even gave me a soda and drove me to the bus station! Later: A celebratory massage. Dinner with Helga at the Chinese hotpot restaurant. Then I hung out with Manu. Deep talk, play fights. We work so well together. He's one of the few people I can actually talk about emotions with.

·  The first real concert in over two years. I saw Bilderbuch at HP8 the other night and damn, Maurice is still hot AF. But it was very weird to see thousands of people together, not even wearing a mask. I kept mine on because I didn't want to risk my trip to Seoul but I still felt a little anxious.

·  I didn't have to pay for my PCR test and the (negative) result came after only 3 hours! Highly appreciated.

·  My trip to Korea was fantastic. I booked it on a whim (as I usually do) when I saw that South Korea accepted foreign vaccination certificates starting 1 April. I got major Japan vibes - sakura season, the food and the behaviour of the people, lots of cultural affinities like karaoke, binge drinking or cute things. And people are all so (uniformly) stylish. But they don't really warm up to foreigners so that was a bit of a challenge. A few things and moments I loved: a Korean crash course with GJ - I think I frustrated her when she wanted to teach me vocabulary but all I was interested in was the structure of the language and the logic behind the letters and signs / meeting Eléa and Emma on the plane - we spent a few days together in Seoul; Eléa is basically my astrological twin! / a fun evening with Korean BBQ, somacs, a photobooth and renting a karaoke box together / riding the Namsan cablecar together with the Frenchies (incl. Léa) / the amazing folk art museum in Seoul - I learned so much; they recreated an old Korean village in the gardens and had an exhibition about Korean customs, holidays and beliefs - so interesting / Iceland poppy! / walking through Bukchon village, entering a tiny lille museum where Mi-Yeong the curator sat down on the floor with me and taught me how to play Gonggi, a Korean children's game - on my last day in Seoul I invited her for lunch at a vegan temple food restaurant near Jogyesa temple - we had a four course meal in a private booth! / art in public toilets; public toilets in general - so clean! / taking a flight to Jeju island - choosing a guesthouse with a resident cat (Laksumu) / beautiful walks, waterfalls, flowers everywhere, smelling the ocean / an island tour with two guys from Singapore - lava cave, climbing a mountain, getting our jeans (very) wet when we walked into the water barefoot, a very weird communal foot bath experience - my higlight was learning about the Hanyeo (the women divers on Jeju) / a day in Seogwipo, a beautiful seaside town with lovely vibes / a Jeju orange and strawberries for breakfast / solving an entire NY Times crossword puzzle in the sunshine, lying somewhere in a park with an iced coffee / visiting a Korean bathhouse, spooking the ladies there with my foreignness / roasted corn chips / cute pet cafes with Benjy - the merkats were my favourite / an otherworldly tasty mushroom burger at Shake Shack / and oh, the SHOPPING.

·  Making summer rolls with Manu.

·  McCain Golden Longs - the perfect fries.

·  My annual Girls' Day tour with Jonathan. I love that day because I get to learn about interesting jobs and I find it very inspiring to be able to look behind the scenes. I always engage in deep talk with Jonathan too. A lovely, sunny day. I especially loved the wood printing company we visited. The boss, Malte, is a physicist who is not a full-time artist. If he'd offered me a job I would have immediately said yes.

·  Lebanese Friday lunch at BeirutBeirut with Doris. Who is my friend now. I'm still struggling with her change of mind. We looked at old photos afterwards and looked for wigs and sunglasses in the cellar.

·  Flea market at Theresienwiese with Lena! Trying on all the flashy glitter jackets. Buying little treasures and a beautiful leather jacket in a rusty red. Lunch at Café Mariandl. Creamy mushroom dumplings!

·  Ostentatio Genitalium in Renaissance art.

·  Learning that the origin of my name, Katharina, might very well be the ancient Greek goddess Hekate, who is "variously associated with crossroads, entrance-ways, night, light, magic, witchcraft, knowledge of herbs and poisonous plants, ghosts, necromancy, and sorcery." How cool is that.

#things i love #april #2022 #april 2022 #personal #present perfect

[5uptic]

crewfu: fanfic spotlight :)

Angel of Life, Bringer of Death by woofles1990 (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 377 words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Steve and Dk just wanted to explore a dungeon. That's all they wanted! A certain angel clearly had other plans.

flashover by Anonymous (Apollo & 5up, teen rating, gen | 853 words)

Summary: n. the moment a conversation becomes real and alive, which occurs when a spark of trust shorts out the delicate circuits you keep insulated under layers of irony, momentarily grounding the static emotional charge you've built up through decades of friction with the world. OR: it's pretty stupid to sleep on the tiles of a subway station, even though you are well aware you have a home. It's also quite embarrassing to have a friend pick you up from there.

Sparks Fly by Rocketro (5up/Fundy, gen rating, m/m | 863 words)

Summary: 5up and Fundy watch fireworks together.

you're holding back (shut up and dance with me) by lytriis (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: 5up and steve dance.

what happens in Vegas by aphilologicalbatman (Apollo/Steve, explicit rating, m/m | 1.4k words)

Summary: "I'm pretty sure this is a bad idea, Steve." "Nah, this is a great idea, dude." (Or: the one where they hook up in Vegas.)

quiet when i'm coming home by homeward_bound (5up/Hafu/David, teen rating, gen & multi | 1.4k words)

Summary: 5up comes home from LA.

i could peel it for you by sweetlikesugr (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: One appletini at a time, 5up ponders about oranges, buttons and celestial bodies.

from blossoms by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: “O, to take what we love inside, to carry within us an orchard, to eat not only the skin, but the shade, not only the sugar, but the days, to hold the fruit in our hands, adore it, then bite into the round jubilance of peach. There are days we live as if death were nowhere in the background; from joy to joy to joy, from wing to wing, from blossom to blossom to impossible blossom, to sweet impossible blossom.” -Li-Young Lee, From Blossoms

you think that i'm foolish now by amsves (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.1k words)

Summary: “Is everything okay?” That’s a stupid question and Steve knows it. If everything was okay, Five wouldn’t be randomly appearing at his hotel room at—Steve checks his phone—2:37 in the morning. Their group had split up for the night a few hours ago, uncharacteristically early for them, but Five had had plans to talk to—

Like you wouldn't notice by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.1k words)

Summary: Apollo is having feelings, so he pushes them down and hopes Steve doesn't notice. Avoiding Steve was never going to end well. "From that moment on, Apollo becomes hyper-aware of all things Steve. The way his long leg touches his, hip-to-knee, in the bar booth when they're drinking overpriced cocktails."

Vegas Lights by amethystvxidwalker (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.3k words)

Summary: “You were planning on actually swimming with me, right?” Steve faced him, brown eyes and dopey grin almost making Five swoon. He forced himself to focus on Steve’s face rather than the black ink above his hip, small, blocky text that read ‘SUGR?’ because of course it did.

ice-cream-covered screaming hyperactive thought by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.5k words)

Summary: Apollo isn’t sure when, exactly, he fell in love with Steve. Maybe, just maybe, he thinks, he never really fell. Maybe, he’s been falling. He’s still falling.

u spilled orange on u by SmearedWords (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.1k words)

Summary: Five times Dumbdog thinks Steve is illegally attractive and the one time he tries to admit that to him. Keyword: tries.

My love is the evening breeze touching your skin by tumtummeke (Apollo & Steve, general rating, gen | 5.2k words)

Summary: Steve's love language is physical touch. Dumbdog's is... not that. A day at the beach with Steve and Dumbdog (and background crewfu), told in five touches.

be like the love that discovered sin by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 5.6k words)

Summary: It’s annoying because Apollo even left for work a whole hour early today, which should be enough time to get to his shitty office job like everyone else on the train, but unlike everyone else, Apollo also has a second job. Which leads to the last reason why Apollo is having a bad day: being pinned under an overturned car while a villain monologues at him. Well, that last reason isn’t really part of Apollo’s bad day, but sue him if he wants to include the misfortunes of his hero identity Dumbdog while listing the reasons for his bad mood. “I don’t have time for this, Suptic,” Apollo grits out, interrupting the villain’s monologue.

friends in this town by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 6.1k words)

Summary: Five only realizes he’s bitten his nails down to the quick when the sting of pain catches up to him. He’s probably overthinking. He just needs to talk to Hafu. That’s all. ...He doesn’t want to. He’s worried he will only hear an answer he’ll hate. Out back, putting off talking to his sister really gives Five a sense of deja vu. All he needs to complete the feeling is Steve. “You need to relax, man.” Speak of the devil.

this party's just another haunted house by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 7.7k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: On December 31st, Apollo wakes up in his hotel in Vegas. The problem is, it's always December 31st.

call me by your name (i don't know that's pretty gay) by Qupid (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 10k words)

Summary: “Oh!” The human suddenly exclaimed, “You probably want my name!” Five had no interest in holding the power of a name over a human, it always seemed more trouble than it was worth, “Not particu-” “I’m Steve! It’s a pleasure to meet someone as cute as you.” The human, Steve, interrupted before 5up could finish. 5up’s eyes widened as he felt the power of gaining a name rush through him.  It was intoxicating and he could see why some fae would frequently come to the human realm just to trick humans into giving up their names. Five hadn’t needed to trick Steve, the man had given up his name freely and Five couldn’t believe how goddamn stupid he was to do it. “Ohhhh my god you’re an idiot.”

you'll hear me howling outside your door by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 22.2k words)

Summary: Something warm blew against Steve’s face and, distantly, he heard a high pitched whine. A nudge, and when Steve ignored it, a more insistent push had him opening his eyes to the face of a wolf mere inches from his own. Steve laughed. How delightful!  He was hallucinating animals now. The wolf’s fur looked bright to him, but even with as dark as it was Steve could tell it wasn’t white. Maybe it was more of a sandy color. Not that it mattered when all Steve could focus on was its piercing gaze and how its eyes seemed to bore into his soul. The wolf whined again and nudged Steve in the shoulder with its nose, making the man rear back when he realized that this might actually be a real wolf and not a hallucination at all.

kinda good for my love by sweetlikesugr (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 44.7k words, chaptered)

Summary: 5up can’t really recall the exact moment when dares became his and Steve’s thing and he is not sure if he even wants to try - after all, why would you mess with something that feels so natural, that feels so right? Why not just let it take its course and see where it might lead them?

Also: mangoedges‘s 5up the human impostor collection!

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s)], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k], [added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji… you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed.

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3

#crewfu #fanfic spotlight #very lenghty ones for this list!!! #also the first e rating oh boy oh boy

[chaberkowepole]

A common miscommunication that I have witnessed between autistic vs. allistic communication is the following:

Autistic P: I am unsure about [subject matter], for xyz reason, the solution could be either a, b or c, however I do not know which one to take, [lists further reasons and repercussions for each option] help?

Allistic P: Oh don't worry about it! Just take whichever feels right!

Autistic person: (mostly in thought) I don't worry, I want information and now that I don't have information I cannot make the decision and now I will certainly worry

I guess this stems from allistic people wrongly attributing our lenghty explanation as an expression of an emotion (worry) instead of an informative statement oriented around problem solving. They then offer an emotional solution ("don't worry") because they thought that's the issue and what we needed was reassurance, when what we needed was information. We then get nervous, because our question has not been understood nor answered and further miscommunication and distress usually arises from there.

I have seen this dynamic play out especially when the autistic person is in a social position with less power relative to the allistic person, e.g. student/teacher, employee/employer or manager, patient/health care provider, etc.

Idk how to solve this, I just observed that this is a very common miscommunication and thought I'd put it in words. Maybe it helps someone to even see this, or maybe someone even has techniques to prevent it?

#actually autistic #autistic communication #allistics #Allistic communication #Neurotypical communication #Autism

[rudjedet]

Who is Paneb ?

A chief workman of Deir el-Medina, who was quite probably a short-tempered and violent asshole with little respect for authority unless it was his own.

We have a letter, written by* Amennakht and addressed to the vizier, that contains a very lenghty list of all Paneb's wrongdoings in the village of Deir el-Medina, for the purpose of showing the vizier that Paneb wasn't suited to the office of chief workman. Since Amennakht's brother Neferhotep was chief workman before Paneb. Neferhotep's and Amennakht's father Nebnefer was chief workman before Neferhotep, and thus Amennakht says he should have been made chief workman instead of Paneb. Because of this we should assume at least some personal bias in the painting of Paneb as an absolute maniac. However, we should also consider the length and variance of all these accusations, and realise we can't really dismiss all of it just on the basis of Amennakht's hatred for Paneb. Paneb does disappear from the administrative record after the time of writing of this papyrus, so it is likely that the accusations had weight, and that Paneb was punished.

*it's more likely to be dictated by him to a scribe since the literacy rate in ancient Egypt was about 2%

Now that we've got the disclaimers out of the way, here's a run-down of some of the stunts Paneb pulled:

Bribing the vizier at the time to give him the office of chief, by way of five servants that belonged to Neferhotep

Bribing the head scribe of the village to get out of trouble

Appropriating labour for his own ends, like ordering the workmen to make stuff for him such as a bed.

Theft. From royal work sites, from the other workmen, from the village's storerooms - dude got around. Oil, tools, stone to build columns for his own tomb, doors from the tomb of Seti II, incense, a statue, chariot coverings, etc.

Violence, such as threatening to kill his predecessor Neferhotep and chasing him until Neferhotep locked himself inside his house. Paneb tried to break down the door but when that didn't work, went off in a rage and hit 9 other people. Salient detail: Neferhotep was Paneb's adoptive father, or at the very least charged with his care after the death of Paneb's father when Paneb would have been about 5.

Adultery and possibly sexual assault. He had various sexual acts with married women, but the wording is ambiguous and it's unclear whether or not all of these were consensual. Juicy detail: for at least one of these cases, Paneb's son Apehty is said to have participated.

Complete and utter disregard for authority. As mentioned, Paneb pulled shit like dodging work by making up a sick cow as an excuse.

So when we say Paneb was a dick, we mean it.

#egyptology #ancient egypt #deir el-medina #paneb

[bourbon-ontherocks]

1 3 14 for ff reader asks pls!!

1. Is there anything that upsets you about reading fanfiction?

Mmmhhhh, not sure to get this right, is this about getting upset about the fact of reading fanfiction or getting upset about stuff in fanfiction?

In both cases upset is a strong word, but for the first option, it aggravates me when people come up with lenghty essays to try and defend reading fanfiction and pretend it’s all a positive and healthy hobby just to feel good about it and themselves. Even if it’s not the healthiest thing in the world, who gives a crap? Just own not being fucking perfect and doing not perfect things for fuck’s sake. We all do it and it’s okay!

As for the things in fanfiction that “upset” me (again, bit strong): authors explicitely asking for comments/kudos, RPF, OCs that are blatant self-inserts, twisting the characters and/or the narrative to fit the writer’s personal story to a point where one doesn’t recognize said characters anymore. Oh and no punctuation, especially when there are dialogues! Big time! But I guess these are more things that make me nope out of a fic rather than stuff that I actually take issue with. I’m not really easy to upset lol!

3. Have you ever assumed you wouldn't like a fic and then read it and been very wrong?

Mmmhh, yeah, especially during that era when I was like “I don’t like AUs” 😂 But also I guess this also applies to actual books, movies, shows... It’s all about made-up prejudice and stuff you wouldn’t think you’d be into, isn’t it?

14. What fandom or pairing do you WISH there was more content for?

I already provided a list of answers here, but here are some others:

HPI (non-existent fandom which I WISH existed lol)

Mary Pat x Turner (the hatefucking vibes are STRONG)

Beth x Turner

Rio x Turner

Dean x Turner

Buddy the dog x existence

Kevin (the homeless guy) x Kevin (the scarfed cat)

 Fanfic thingy

#ask #sothischickshe #fanfic #about that last one... the other day I was like you know who else is named Kevin in that show? #*exploding brain emoji* #KEVIN IS A CAT!!!! #that explains so much #or not lol #this show really lacks of names imagination though #nbc good girls

[dirivaakku]

Did anyone who has watched the FB3 movie notice these fellas in the backround?

They are diricawls. You may see some similarities in their name and my name. What a coincidence, right? Actually, no..

Dirivaakku is the Finnish translation for diricawl. So basically I'm a flightless fluffy bird.

The story behind why I chose a teleporting bird as my name isn't that interesting, but I'll tell it anyways.

So my friends already called me a duck before I became Dirivaakku. The duck came from Youtube. One of my friends stumbled upon a channel with their name as _____ duck (the blank being my first name), and thought haha that's funny, you're a duck. That's the first piece of the puzzle.

Then I read the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them book. And there it was. Listed amongst all the other wacky creatures, the dirivaakku aka diricawl. I read the description of it and just kinda thought yep, this is mine now. And right then and there, Dirivaakku was born!

I was watching the FB3 yesterday with one of my friends, and when the diricawls came waddling on the screen I just said to her "Those are diricawls! Those are me!" Or at least something like that.

So now you know the very lenghty and very interesting story behind my name! That's...cool? I hope you enjoyed?

Have a nice day :>

#fantastic beasts #fb3 #dirivaakku #diricawl #name origins

[writemyaceattorneys]

After taking a long long break and changing phones.. I l i v e once more! hA!

----🎭 Anon on their lenghty hiatus from everything really.

So! I've been in and outta the AA fandom, but what brought be back was an idea (or several) I had-X) So I've decided to get whatev I can remember out of my system, since none of my irl friends are interested in AA. And hey, visiting this blog again's pretty cool by itself, too!

Imagine, if you will, Sebby in an arranged marriage(now now, I know that the original AA setting is 'y2k future', but the Von Karmas are pretty archaic, and 'prosecutor' in general seems to be more aristorcatic-ish "title" than profession). I just feel like him having a crush on his to-be spouse would be not too far off from the established character aesthetic, + pretty funny (and awkward)--X)

On another note, Sebastian with a s/o who'd gone thru a lot of trauma (and mb also works with him) could be interesting. Can't say much on that one, but I'm a sucker for mutual hurt/comfort and Debeste boi.

As always, feel completely free to ignore my ramblings if you want, but stay water💧 and drink safe!😌

🎭 out!

Very sorry for these long waits folks. My laptop has been out of commission for a while so I'm using my mum's laptop to answer stuff now!

🎭 anon, welcome back! I'm sorry that you've been falling in and out of the fandom recently, I hope that your other fandoms are serving you well and you'll always have a place on my anon list!

None of my IRLs like ace attorney either (in fact they often brush me off whenever I bring it up) so this blog is the hub for everything to be honest, but feel free to bring your ideas here whenever you may have them!

Now onto your idea!

GAH!!!!!

Yeah the whole timeline of Ace Attorney is very funky. If we take into account the timeline of the ace attorney Wikipedia, it places the first case in 2016, which makes the fact that everybody has flip phones very funny.

But arranged marriages still happen in today's society, so it isn't completely unbelievable for someone like Goggles (Blaise Debeste) to set his son up with someone he deems acceptable.

But I think that while Sebastian would definitely be frustrated with this turnout, he's somewhat used to it at this point. But seeing S/O for the first time and having a positive interaction with someone who probably has about as much of a say in their life as he does would be very reassuring.

It would take him long at all to start developing real feelings for his S/O, he'd want to be the best husband he could be so that they could both be happy. I think that if there was to be a blocker in the development of their relationship, it would be his tendency to be incredibly arrogant and childish. It would make him harder to relate to, so S/O might be a bit put off of interacting with him, especially if they've dealt with a lot of trauma.

Saying this, once they find that balance and grow closer, the two of them would be pretty much inseparable. Sebastian would be very overprotective of S/O, the two of them have been through so much after all. Their home life together would be a great improvement from their home life with their respective parents (parent, in Sebastian's case) and I think that with Miles as a proper idol for Sebastian, both of them would be able to heal!

#talking to mod miles #ace attorney #sebastian debeste #🎭 anon #sorry for these long waits folks #exams are fast approaching too lmao #stay hydrated everyone

[ljf613]

OOOOOHHHHHH, IT'S SISTER THEN?? THIS IS GETTING A LOT MORE INTERESTING EACH DAY!! Expect a lenghty review here when the new story drops, then!! And it will surprise you but i've already read all of your recs, i consider symbolism like a classic toko fanfic and i really enjoyed the sequel one shot that author did back in the day... About "A Simple Request", well it's not your typical arranged marriage trop but it's more like Iroh playing matchmaker and arranging their marriage kind of story (1)

I really enjoyed because i've always believed that if you make Toph and Zuko spend time together, they are gonna fall in love for each other at some point... So, that's why Arranged Marriage is a perfect trope for them, because it forces them to spend time to know together and to know each other in a deeply way. The other way is Uncle Iroh, but it works more like friends to lovers kind of story and slowburn.  But regardless of if they’re in love when they get engaged, it still could be seen as an arranged marriage because of the political implications of their union. I mean, the Fire Lord marrying an Earth Kingdom's noble screams politics and rebuilding the trust between their nations.  So, at the end of the day their relationship is beneficial to everybody, not only themselves. And it's a good topic to treat in fiction, like in this fanfiction called  (Is there a line I’m missing?)  If you don't want to go the Lin/Tenzin route, i'm all for it because it's very sad thinking about it and i love angst but i prefer the "life is not easy" type of angst you're going for in these series than romantic angst... like in my point of view, there are more heartbreaking and painful things than a broken relationship, i'm not trying to dismiss someone experiencing a heartbreak because it's also painful, but to me, if i'm very honest, losing a loved one is the worst hearbreak you could ever experience...  Death is a really hard topic to deal with and you never get over it, truly, you only learn to live with it but like i said that's my approach to life... but i think whatever you is gonna be amazing because i love your writing and the way you've outlined this so far, so i can't wait for you to surprise us with more!! 

-WonderBabe. 

I did not say it was a sister, either! I refuse to reveal any identifying information about my OC lavababies until they crop up in my fics, so you shall have to wait and see! 

And, wow, you’ve read all of them? Noice! Symbolism is definitely a classic (I should reread that one, it’s been a while), but I think my favorites are A Tale of Earth and Fire, @pigeonchest’s not supposed to come home (major inspiration for we all want love/we all want honor!), and @this-acuteneurosis’s Third Time’s the Charm.  There’s one other currently updating arranged marriage Toko fic I haven’t had the chance to add to the list yet: @lone-star-ranger’s How to Scam Your Way into Marriage, which he wrote for the @avatar-rare-pair-ship-challenge​ and was kind enough to gift to me. (Thanks again, Lone Star!) 

I did read A Simple Request, and I realized pretty quickly that it wasn’t actually an arranged marriage story, but I was not disappointed-- a 15k word Toko fic I haven’t read yet is still a Toko fic I haven’t read yet. I strongly recommend it to anyone interested in this ship-- the writer had a really good handle on Zuko and Toph’s character dynamic, especially considering that this one was written before season 3 aired (in other words, before the two of them had ever actually interacted with each other on screen). (TW for Iroh death.)  

Arranged marriage is one of my favorite tropes in general, and it works really well with Toph and Zuko-- I’ll go into this in depth some other time, but suffice it to say that, politically speaking, Zuko’s best marriage option would be a minor Earth Kingdom noble, preferably one stubborn and thick-skinned enough to be able to handle the intrigues of the Fire Nation royal court, and Toph checks all of those boxes.  (Did you forget to include the title of a fic you were trying to recommend?) 

As for Lin and Tenzin I feel like I read their relationship pre-canon very differently from how most of the LOK fandom seems to.  The story I put together while watching the show was not one of childhood sweethearts who were dating for nearly two decades before Pema swept in and broke them apart.  No, my interpretation was that they were a pair of childhood friends who, upon entering their thirties and and realizing that they were still single, decided that they may as well try out a relationship-- which failed miserably and ended in disaster.  In short, I don’t think that they dated for more than a few months, a year or two at most, and Lin is less upset about Tenzin “breaking her heart” than she is about how he broke up with her. (Maybe with some added bitterness that Tenzin, who she always considered to be “in the same boat” as she was, was able to find someone to settle down with while she wasn’t.) 

Back to my writing; I’m a lot more comfortable working with that “life isn’t always easy” angst you’re talking about than your standard romantic angst plotlines.  Broken romantic entaglements are hard, sure, but you can always find stories about those. I prefer stories about the struggles relationships experience that actually require effort to work through. 

As always, it was really nice to hear from you, WonderBabe! 

(PS: Do you have an AO3 account?)

#avatar the last airbender #avatar legend of korra #thoughts #toko #toph x zuko #otp: that's how i show affection #arranged marriage #zuko and toph #lavababies #fic rec #zuko #toph beifong #we all want love #we all want honor #tenzin and lin #tenzin #lin beifong #real love takes work #wonderbabe

[innermort]

*** disclaimer: this is a very long diary type of entry that is probably quite boring for everyone else and may be ignored. it's merely a very lenghty epiphany I just had about my life and myself and I had to type it out for me, to lock in the thoughts, if you will. it was pretty therapeutic tho. 🙃 ***

10/Sept/2021

I just had the realization that I'm in the process of redefining every aspect of my self and my life.

I quit smoking cigarettes from one day to another exactly 2 months ago tomorrow and went from a heavy to a casual party smoker.

I rarely ever smoke weed anymore (plus when I did since quitting tabacco, I rolled with herbs) and now made the conscious decision to take another long break, so it doesn't interfere with my weight loss again. I get the worst munchies and have no self control when I'm stoned. I'm talking "5000+ cals in one sitting" type of binges. I'm not tolerating this kind of self sabotage anymore.

I re-discovered edblr. Yes. I know. Not the healthiest habit to get back into but it's the only thing that has actually helped me gain the motivation and willpower to put a stop to my raging sugar addiction and instead, an actual effort into losing weight again. Besides, I'm doing it in a much more careful and "responsible" way now (high restricting, taking supplements, no strict/exact calorie limit, very light to no exercise (okay, to be fair the reason for that is mainly my injured knee but still), letting myself eat/drink more than planned if I feel my body needs it). And let's not forget that I've literally been binging every day for the past 2 or 3 months. My diet nearly exclusively consisted of chocolate, pastries and pizza. Literally. I've gained 10 kgs (22lbs) during that time. That lifestyle was just as unhealthy, if not unhealthier.

I finally got to hang up and use my calender. Due to my ADHD (self diagnosed for now), I'm very forgetful and unorganized - at least in my private life. That's why I made the decision to get a big calender which I can use as a semi To Do/Buy list and appointment/meeting/bill reminder. Since I'm glueing a sticker to each day I got through without binging, I'm looking at it pretty much every day anyways. Plus, it's a motivater to not binge (reward that inner child)! Overall, it's helping me become more organized and put together which are two areas I've been lacking in in the past years. So far, I've been mostly using my phone notes but I usually write something down and immediately forget about it if it's not a grocery list or a To Do list I'm actively working through on that same day.

I have my first appointment at a psych ward since I was a teen. It's just a phone call and first get to know conversation but it's better than nothing and more than overdue. I'm finally taking the first steps towards getting diagnosed and being eligible for therapy. I'm sick of feeling like a victim of my own brain, I just want to be better. I deserve to be better.

I'm hungry for knowledge again. I deleted Tiktok from my phone because of how big of a distraction it was and because I realized that even though I'm being bombarded with new information everyday, I'm not learning anything. Our brains can't even comprehend the amount of information given in that short time span. Nothing sticks. Sure, you find out about some pretty cool stuff on TT depending on what kinda fyp you have but for me personally, it was just hours and hours of mindless scrolling in the end. It's crazy how addictive it is, too. Even despite the fact that I was already at a point where it didn't even give me that quick dopamine quick anymore. It felt boring and repetitive and I was merely doing it out of habit.

So, I got rid off the app. I started watching documentaries again. Mostly about gut health and mental illnesses like ADHD, Autism, BPD, Narcissm etc. Like TED talks or interviews/discussions by and with professionals/experts/diagnosed people. I'm back to not just craving but actually consuming something with substance, something that gives me more knowledge and insight on a topic. Something I actually want to know more about.

I realized and accepted that even though I am a creative mind, a fully creative job might just not be for me. I'm learning that maybe I'm the type of person who does something entirely different in their free time than what they do at work. And that that's very much okay. I noticed that at my job (this was the case for every job I ever had), my mind seems to work differently. When people expect me to do something, I have the needed pressure and motivation to get it done. I could also observe in myself that at work, I enjoy organizing/sorting stuff, I'm a fast and independent learner while I'm also excellent at training new employees, I'm much more detail oriented than in my private life - overall, it came to my attention that I might not actually be the ever chaotic forgetful mess who can't form a logic thought - or I can at least recognize that this is merely a part of me and not what defines and limits me as a person. I realized I actually like straightforward work, I like working alone and I like working precisely. When I was younger I would have never used any of these traits to describe my dream career. I would gag at the idea of working an office job and now I feel like this would actually suit me very well. Especially the working alone part would mean feeling less drained at the end of a work day and still having the energy to hang out with people I actually want to see. This is an extremely valuable lesson about myself that I finally seem to have learned.

After this big sub- and now concious evaluation about myself I'm also finally taking actual steps towards a possible career. I bought a course and worked through the first 2 lectures today, taking notes and writing everything down neatly for 3 - 3 1/2 hours (in total with breaks in between). I even got a notebook specifically for this new life project. I'm excited to learn. I feel scared, too. This is something I've never done before but I'm telling myself that trying won't hurt. I have my main job as a safety net, financially nothing can happen to me. I can only learn, even if I fail. And time will pass anyways, whether I get my ass up and put in the work or continue to be unhappy with what I'm doing without trying to change anything.

Speaking of finances, I also started taking those more seriously now. I stopped using my credit card (I was in negative numbers constantly, big numbers like -300 to -800€ due to constant overspending). I set up standing orders for my monthly fixed costs to make sure bills are always paid on time. Due to my forgetfulness and ADHD freeze I would often forget to pay or postpone paying bills until the reminder came in the mail and led to me having to pay on top or generating debt. I still have a little bit of debt to pay off but it's thankfully not a dramatic amount. I also have a second bank account for savings now where I transfer 200€ to every month. Even the simple act of calculating my fixed costs to see how much I can use for what was something that was desperately overdue. What I still have to do is sort out my receipts and write everything down in a housekeeping/budget book. And my first ever tax return. I am very much dreading both of these. 😃

Anyways. Wow. I really needed to type this out. I have the very harmful tendency to look at all the negative stuff and only focus on what I don't have and don't do. I really needed to take a long, deep look at all the things I've been changing around in the past couple months. A lot of it really passed me by until now. It's crazy but I really feel like a complete failure when my body isn't looking its best and it makes me blind for everything else. So, thank you to myself for reminding me that I am actually making a lot of progress, even if it has been in areas other than my fitness and looks. They're just as important (from a healthy brains point significantly more important, obviously) and deserve to be noticed and celebrated.

Conclusion: ❤️✨YAY, ME✨❤️

[dcsireful]

&&. cauldron above, ( katherine amaral ) was just spotted in the fae lands — word has it ( she ) is affiliated with ( DAWN COURT ). ( she ) is a ( 200 / appears 27 ) year old ( high fae ). it’s been said that ( she ) resembles ( bruna marquezine ). ( she ) has been said to be ( passionate & alluring ) but also quite ( impulsive & peculiar ). ( she ) is currently serving as ( duchess ).

“drink me, i’m poison,” she said with a grin.

hi hello i’m anette & i’m new here! i’ve brought katherine along with me.. it’s been a while since i’ve been in a rp this complex so please do correct me if i ever say something wrong and be nice to me but you don’t have to be nice to her, hehe! anyways, i’m super excited to be here! let me know if you’re interested in figuring out something with this girl and i will run to you! ( discxrd lydicmartin#4202 )  also a little disclaimer that i’ll probably need to update this intro as i go and figure her out more.

◭ katherine’s statistics.

full name. katherine oriana amaral

nicknames. kat, kathy

age. 200 / 27

zodiac sign. aquarius

greatest strength. control of fire, ability to project someone's desires, tba.

greatest weakness. no skills in physical combat, tba.

usual apperance. golden necklace of a phoenix, dark red lips, her hair falling freely, tight short dress, a flowing red cape, skin tight v-neck blouses, the color of dark red, her nails painted in the color of her mood, golden rings.

aesthetics. the sound of someone running away with their heels clicking loudly, someone pressing against you as they're kissing your neck, crows leaving the trees to fly over red sunset clouds, a child reaching for mother's hand but being pushed out the room instead, laying beside a person you wished was someone else, the scent of burning wood, dipping your feet in a hot bubble bath, feeling the tiny warmth of sun on your skin as its setting, drops of water from your hair dripping on your skin.

random headcanons. she loves swimming, especially winter swimming. she has nightmares almost every night. tba.

◭ katherine’s backstory.

the previous duke and duchess of the dawn court had solemnly sworn not to have children and to never continue their bloodline. other courts loved to rumor all about it, and they were nasty about it too, as a reason was never to be presented to anyone; a family’s secret. truth be told, their reason for it was a very old prediction of a child of the couple bringing damnaition to the dawn court, ending the cycle of resurrection after death for their people and sending all of her bloodline straight to hell. perhaps someone had simply tried to scare amaral newly wed couple of their happiness out of jealousy, but the loss of their love and dreams made them scared enough to believe it.

the birth of katherine was unexpected to say the least. esther amaral hadn’t known she had conceived until it was too late. the court called her a blessing, but the parents acted as though the world was going to end at her birth. the world didn’t end, and yet she was still brought up distant and secluded from her parents. many years passed and katherine was growing up to be presentable. proper. being spoken to only when absolutely necessary and acting as a family only when an united front was necessary to be showed to the world. but once katherine became of age, her father was killed. the mourning of that would have gone for years, if her mother’s sanity hadn’t slipped. losing her loved one made her slowly lose her mind and she put an end to her life. katherine went through heavy grief for most of her life and if it wasn't for her aunt, her household would have been doomed. her aunt was the one who taught her the games of the courts and politics. she was also the one who created the woman now before you, or at least the shell of her. katherine's aunt is the only family she currently has and she is responsible for most of the dedicisions kat herself should make, earning the title as not only her guardian, but her mentor and political advisor.

◭ katherine’s personality.

katherine felt unwanted and unloved by her family ever since she could remember herself and it has left the biggest scar on her being and daily life, resulting in her always needing affection. she'd never admit it, her aunt had taught her better. she's a mixture of confidence, needing no one, always putting herself first, which is what her aunt taught her, and craving to pour all of herself into someone and lusting after anyone who looks at her because of the lack of love in her childhood. she's learnt to love sex as an easy thing that has less to do with intimacy and more to do with craving attention. she has a tendency to fall in love easily, but that doesn't mean she falls out of it quickly. there's a lot of love in her, despite her deeming herself unlovable, when the sun has set and she's all alone again.

she's passionate and lustful, and she's aligned with her feminity and sexuality. she's fun and mysterious, and you might just expect anything from her, her mind always quick and everchanging. she likes to wander in her thoughts and make the craziest out of them her reality. she likes to be free, after having been caged as a child. she's not afraid of committment, but she's proved herself she's not capable of it before, her heart being a thing of its own, too wild and free for her or anyone else to be able to contain it. the combination of constant need for a company, getting too attached to others and questioning reality and dreams has made her quite self-destructive. after having cheated on her ex fiance (apollo) has left her on a roll of bad decisions when it comes to not only her heart but also her well being.

having left with no family but her aunt has made her learn how to stand up for herself and earn the respect of everyone in the room. she's picked up some skills of intimidation and goes out of her way to learn the ins and outs of the problems in her and other courts. one might easily become her friend, lover or enemy.

◭ katherine’s wanted connections.

friends - basic, childhood, gossipy, schemey, formal friends or any type of friends honestly are welcome, she's quite easy to get along with (if she hasn't slept with your man, ekhem) and definitely seeks companionship so anyone is welcome.

lovers - current and ex lovers, she has a lenghty list of lovers and still has a lot of love to give. either for a night or longer, their current status can be discussed! her sexuality is fluid.

blurred lines - will they/won't they type of connection, perhaps they're friends or acquaintances with a lot of tension.

forbidden - a connection that could lead to a lot of controversy, whether it's a friendship or very advantageous to either of them or both of them, or simply led by friendship or passion.

fake friends - this could be fun for the drama. either or both of them using the other for information about either their families, friends or courts.

blackmail - i'd like a plot about blackmail, we could figure out the specifics and katherine is flexible enough of a character to fit both the role of the blackmailer and the person being blackmailed about something.

mate - keeping an option open for this as well, because it's such a fun plot, and by no means leaves it easy or boring or sets anything in stone.

#katherine : intro #ahqintro