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fallingdownhell · 1 year

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i love your writing so much i can't resist from requesting -

im an AS student and man these exams are not easy I've been pulling all nighters and its obviously effecting on me a lot and i don't have a thoma in my life T^T

can i request thoma x reader (modern AU) where she is pulling all nighters, skipping meals, etc while thoma is away on a buisness trip or something (with the Kamisato siblings) and when he gets back to home he sees her almost passed out with a fever and he takes care of her and helps her get back on her feet again ^^

feel free to ignore this <3

have a nice day/night and take care :D

Thanks, I'm glad to hear that<3

Ugh yeah, studying and exams are hard, but please do take care of yourself! That's still the most important thing to do.

But honestly, you're so right. Everyone should have a Thoma in their life. So, allow me to prepare something. Hope that it helps to relax you a bit as well<3

Pairing: Thoma x reader

Content: gender neutral reader; Modern AU; burnout; stress; exams suck; comfort; being taken care of when sick

Word count: 1,8k words

Enjoy the ride!

Studying was hard.

In fact, it was one of the worst things on this planet to ever exist. Why do people have to go through this for multiple years in their life?

It was already hard enough to stay focused and not get distracted by literally anything else. Even the most minute thing could normally easily steal your attention away.

Yet right now, you had to endure. A hard week was coming your way, two very important exams were approaching, with a third one being scheduled the week after.

You have been studying non stop for a few days now, but somehow, nothing seemed to stay in your head, every word you read seemed to be thrown out your head again at the next second.

So, instead of taking a break and just giving yourself even a few minutes of rest, you just studied even harder. Days became longer and longer and before you knew it, you were studying well into the night, but you couldn't help it.

Those exams were very important, it could possibly ruin your entire future if you were to fail even one of them. At least, that's what you're telling yourself.

To your (mis)fortune - however you wanna look at it now - your boyfriend Thoma, who usually would be pestering you by now to finally take a break, wasn't around for a few weeks, since he went on a trip with a few of his friends.

At first, he wanted to bail out of it, so he could stay with you and support you through these tough weeks. But you insisted that he went on the trip, said it would be good for him to get out and spend some quality time with his friends.

In the end, he reluctantly agreed to it, but he still made sure to text you every day, reminding you to take care of yourself and to not overwork yourself.

Each time you got a text like that from him, you felt guilt well up inside you, from how you so easily ignored his worries about you and your health. Yet, every time again, you pushed those feelings down again, telling you that you had no time for them right now.

...

You were currently deep into yet another study session again, your head already pounding from the constant stress and influx of information, when your phone gave off a text notification next to you.

The screen lit up once you looked at it, showing you a new message from Thoma and also told you that it was already almost midnight again.

'You still up?', was the message displayed on your screen. You hesitated on wether or not you should respond to him, knowing that he would most likely scold you for staying up so late again. But in the end, you decided on just answering him.

'Yeah, I am. What's up?', you replied back to him.

You waited a few seconds for his answer, but instead of a new message came the notification of an incoming video call. Confused but also pleasantly surprised, you accepted the call and were soon greeted with the handsome face of your boyfriend Thoma, which you haven't seen in quite some time. God, how did you only now realise how much you missed him?

"Hey", he said, his voice sounding a bit off thanks to the quality of the phone, but that's okay. At least you got to hear his voice again.

"Hey", you answered back with a soft smile, taking in his surroundings. He was laying on his stomach, holding his phone in front of him with one hand, while the other rested under his chin on a pillow. In the background, you could hear soft snoring.

"Is that Ayato snoring in the background?", you laughed, but Thoma seemed to be used to it at this point.

"Yeah. I'm actually not surprised you hear that, but trust me, it's so much louder when your in the same room as him. He sleeps like a stone and his snoring has kept me up so many times. Like today."

You nodded in understanding. While Thoma may not snore, your previous partner sure did, and it robbed you of your sleep more times than you could count.

"How are you, (name)? Taking enough breaks?", he asked, even managing to give you a pointed look through the camera of the phone. You briefly debated on just telling him yes so he would feel better, but you couldn't bring yourself to lie to Thoma. Not when he was so earnestly concerned about you.

"More or less..", you opted to respond, thinking it would not sound too bad. Yet, knowing you for this long, Thoma knew exactly what that meant.

"(Name)...", he sighed, pinching his nose with his free hands. But before he could go on a full blown rant, you tried changing the subject.

"Let's not talk about that, okay. I'll manage and I don't want to ruin the good mood of your trip. I hope you're having fun by the way."

Thoma looked at you for a few seconds, deciding on wether or not to just go with it. "I know what you're trying to do here. Just... promise me you won't take it too far, okay. Don't neglect yourself, take breaks and remember to eat something."

"Thoma.. I can't really promise you, but I'll try, okay?"

He sighed again, but agreed to that with a reluctant "Alright.", since he knew that this would probably be the best he would get out of you. He really hated how you had this habit to just not take care of yourself when you were stressed, which is why he didn't want to go on this trip in the first place.

But, you were right after all. He really needed this trip to get out for a bit and breath some fresh air, and he had a lot of fun with both Ayato and Ayaka. You were initially invited to join them as well, but sadly had to decline because it would overlap with your exams.

The two of you talked for quite a bit about all kinds of things. The stuff the three of them had been up to during their trip, where they went to (since it was a road trip) and stuff like that. Hearing about it, you were really sad you couldn't join them, but that's just how things are now.

Before ending the call, Thoma informed you that they probably would be back by the end of next week, which was also when you would finally be done with all your exams. Then, you could finally rest again and enjoy some much needed quality time with your boyfriend again.

"Good night, (name). I love you."

"I love you too, Thoma. Good night."

And after that, your screen went black again, and you were suddenly all alone again in your quiet room, with nothing to occupy your mind but the constant need to study and get better.

So, with a deep sigh, you got back to work.

...

It was finally done. The last test has been dealt with, it was over.

You arrived at your apartment, utterly exhausted. You had been ignoring the warning signs of your body for far too long, and yet you still insisted of pushing your own limits.

You started to develop a constant headache a few days ago, with the fever joining in two days ago. Yet you still pushed through, telling yourself that you were fine, that you were able to do this.

And you did do it, but now that you were falling onto your couch, finally able to relax for the first time in two weeks, you realized what you had done to yourself.

You had no strength left in you, no will to do anything at all. You were utterly exhausted and done, not being able to do anything but welcome the darkness that overcame you as you simply passed out on the spot.

...

"(Name)? I'm home!", Thoma yelled as he entered your apartment, using the spare key that you gave him. When no reply came back to him, worry began to rise even more. He had been texting you for the last three hours, telling you that he got back safely. But when you still didn't reply, his concern got the best of him, and he made his way over to your apartment.

"(Name)?", he tried again, while moving through the living space. Once he passed the living room, he saw you, laying on the couch, passed out. At first, thinking nothing of it, he smiled a little and made his way over to your side, crouching down next to you.

But when he saw the pained expression on your face and how sweaty you were, he instantly knew something was up. Without thinking, he gently picked you up into his arms to carry you to your bedroom, before he went to check on your temperature.

As he suspected, you had a fever.

"Damn it, (name).", he sighed. Seemed like he had to take care of you until you wake up again.

...

When you woke up again, you had no idea what time it was, but judging by the the lack of bright light coming form outside, it had to be either evening or night already.

Your head was still spinning a bit and when you went to touch your forehead, you noticed something cold and wet.

That's also when you realized that you weren't in the living room anymore, but actually your bedroom.

Still confused and trying to piece the missing information together, the door to your room swung open, revealing the form of your boyfriend Thoma to you.

"Thoma! You're back!", you exclaimed, trying to get out of the bed, but were quickly pushed back down again.

"Don't even think about getting up. Your fever is still way too high for you to be jumping around like that.", he scolded, which caused you to follow his instruction. Only now did you also notice that you were wearing your pyjama and not the things you collapsed in on the couch. He really took care of everything for you...

"I'm sorry..", you quietly mumbled, and you meant it. You felt bad and guilty for causing him to worry so much about you. Even worse that he had every right to do so, since you did work yourself sick.

Thoma sighed, sitting down on the bed, slowly extending a hand to stroke your hair a bit.

"Don't scare me like that again. You were passed out for hours. All I want is for you to be okay. I can only achieve that if you also start taking care of yourself."

"Okay.. I promise I'll take better care."

And he believed you. It was the only thing he could do, besides nursing you back to health right now. And you appreciated and loved him even more for putting up with you and still caring for you, despite all.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #sickfic #genshin sickfic #genshin impact sickfic #genshin impact scenario #genshin scenario #genshin impact thoma #thoma x reader #thoma x you

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fakevariety · 16 days

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ok so just want to ramble somewhere about this outdoor camp thing i went to for the week so long post incoming

overall, it was so fun!!! i was in a tent with my friend group, including my bsf and someone who i'm getting to know better but they're hilarious and i really like her. however, in this tent was also a girl who is... not the best. she makes pretty awful jokes, like at at least half of the meals she made so many comments about how much food other people were eating, and one point she made some comment making fun of people who use neopronouns which is awful enough but she made it in front of someone who uses they/neopronouns??? she was just overall awful, and the worst part is most of the people in our tent, people who i've been friends with since sixth grade, were laughing at her jokes and joking along? it was so fucked up and really changed my perspective of them and showed me how much they've changed this past year and not in a good way.

one of those people is someone who used to be my best friend last year in seventh grade. i've posted about this, she basically pretty much stopped talking to me randomly and just stopped being interested in me, blah blah blah i'm kind of over it even though i won't really ever trust her again. anyways, she was one of the people laughing at these awful jokes and making similar jokes, and um. she was using she/her pronouns on me. which, just, wow. very much hurt. she was kind of friends with me since i first started using they/them, and it's never changed. i can't believe i used to trust this person the most and now she's using she/her pronouns on me like genuinely what the fuck it felt like a punch in the gut i was so thrown off i had to hide in a changing stall full of bugs so no one would see me crying lol. i do understand not getting people's pronouns right all the time, but she did when we were friends!!! she was great at it!!! and then this past school year we've only briefly talked because we aren't really friends anymore but my pronouns have NOT changed! and she kept using she/her pronouns on me a few times and then switching to they/them, but it seemed so purposeful as if she thought i used she/they, i have no idea where she would get that from since our friend group occasionally does pronoun checks with each other and i always say they/them. anyways, it really hurt and i kind of strongly dislike her now for multiple reasons.

also, this was kind of stupid but. basically there was a snake behind our tent which was cool! as long as it didn't bother us we liked it because snakes are sick. anyways a few minutes later i hear a squeaking noise, i look out at the snake is eating a baby bunny. i draw people's attention, and for the next 40 min or so, people just crowd around and watch the snake eat five baby bunnies, and it only left one alive (which some counselors took and are feeding and taking care of which is sweet) but i head a pretty big reaction i'm like very sensitive so that caused me to cry in the changing stall again but other than that i didn't cry so yay!!

and the last main bad thing that happened was last night our tent was talking and the girl that i really don't like said that at first she thought our counselor 'looked jewish'. i myself am jewish so i was like 'well it doesn't really work like that' and went on to talk about how while in history, jews have come from certain countries that have certain features, but in modern day times jews don't really have physical features that tells you they are are jew. the people in my tent went on to not acknowledge what i said AT ALL, and another person said how people think she is jewish and how 'it must be [her] nose'. i AGAIN said that you cannot look jewish, and everyone AGAIN ignored me. i didn't really realize that they were ignoring me until i thought over it the next morning and i just had a long talk with my dad about it as i always do when i experience antisemitism.

anyways yeah this was the notable bad stuff that happened overall it was so fun and i loved spending time with my friends

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badassbiburgerbob · 1 year

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Okay, I keep seeing Chicago Fire stuff on my dash and I'm becoming increasingly intrigued despite myself... is it like the police procedural genre but for the fire department? or something completely different? That last gifset says it's from 2012 and I've never even heard of it??? I'd assumed it was a new show??? If you're at all inclined, I'd love to hear a rant about What This Show Is because I had no idea it existed until I started seeing stuff reblogged and now my curiosity is piqued

Oh my lord where do I begin?

Tldr: It's a drama about a firefighters. It started I think in 2012, I only started watching it last year but I've gotten all caught up. They're in the middle of season 11 now.

But it's so freaking good. Something is always going wrong (hence drama) and each season usually has one overarching problem and then a few small ones. They do cooperate with the pd sometimes though the first season not as much, as a dirty cop tries to kill one of the lieutenants. But they're usually helpful with the pd.

There's a few character deaths that suck which just sort of rip your heart out. It gives kinda a good insight to what firefighters do in a busy urban area tho. It's fiction obviously but they do work with actual firefighters to get things right and one of them ,Tony Ferris, is an actual firefighter with the Chicago fire department. He's not a main main character, but its still cool.

But it's a drama, so shit happens. Like all the time. And sometimes it absolutely sucks (like what the assholes have done to Cindy this season). At one point the chief gets framed for murder and arrested. Another lieutenant, severide, has had people try to kill him a few times, and had his ass kicked. Herrmann (my personal fave) is such a good guy but sparky as fuck and makes multiple bad decisions. He also has the best wife in the whole world, Cindy (I love them so much). He also sets a couch on fire in front of the company's CEO to get him to increase safety standards of his furniture, and it works!

But then it also touches on important issues, like the increased risk of cancer firefighters face, which promts new protocols of equipment and gear cleaning. Mental illness associated with the stuff they see and do, and the death of colleagues that they have to grieve and move on from. And how people in lower income areas struggle and get into trouble. There's a season where Dawson and Casey try to adopt a little boy and end up giving him back to the father and its breaks my heart. They touch briefly on how hard it is for women to get high up in the department because of politics. Although they don't focus at all really on politics, there is an episode where Herrmann screams at his sone for knealing during the anthem but then Herrmann defends his kid to the principal which is super cool. He's got 5 kids and is a pretty good dad, usually. There is one season or two when Casey, one of the fire lieutenants, becomes an alderman so there's some politics in that. There's also a few episodes on substance abuse, and how it affects the people around you.

One episode they get locked in a jail. Another episode they rescue people froma crashes helicopter stuck on a roof. They open a bar and name it Molly's and have to chase off a mob type guy who tries to burn it down at one point. Herrmann beats the crap out of guy who's Crack habit killed his kid. There's an episode where the paramedics get abducted. But everything turns out fine. And then there's episodes where they get married, there's three or four of those and its precious. They have a bbq where there's a surprise promotion. One paramedic Brett, starts a paramdicine van, that goes around helping g people with medicine and stuff, like a visiting nurse type thing kinda. Severide gets married in Vegas, which turns out ok although ots doesn't last. They also get a firehouse dog named pouch who they give away later, for very touching reasons. And then they get another one, a dalmation named Tuesday. Both of which are precious. Some of them have kids, which never fails to make a smile.

There's just so much. But it's such a good show.

It's about the hardships they face and how they deal with the shit that happens in life. And then the joy of what they do and the relationships they have and make. And how they touch snd change peoples lives.

And they absolutely drag eachother through the mud. Sometimes ruthlessly. It's hilarious and I love them for it. There so much sass. God so much sass. It's a really really good show. There's a lot of kinda dark stuff but it's broken up by some positivity and/or comedy and some poignant moments. It shows really good relationships or how to deal with really bad ones.

They're idiots in different ways but also all very lovely. I love them.

They have a few gay characters, too. Right now it's just the one, and he's not doing so good in the dating department. But he's fantastic.

I'm hoping this was at least somewhat coherent. It's kinda late and I'm a bit tired. But I love this show so very much. Easily one of my favorite shows ever. 1000/10 definitely would recommend to everyone. It's on NBC or their streaming platform: peacock (i don't have that one tbh). They usually have a chicago one (which is med fire and pd, three shows) Wednesday at 7pm EST. It's also on ion (I think?), which for anyone in the US with Verizon is channel 31, every Tuesday from like 12pm to about 2 or 3 am the next day, and usually in order. I think that channel is on season 3 rn.

Please ask if you need/want more details. I tried not to spoil anything. But I will rant in more detail if you'd like! I also have gifs but I didn't want to make this too long

#asks #chicago fire #chicago one #its such a great freakin show!#please watch it #its so good #christopher herrmann #wallace boden #cindy herrmann #kelly severide #matt casey

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faceless-conspiracy-buff · 1 year

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A Bit of an Update

[ Hi everyone! It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Since I haven’t posted anything new in the past... four months? Ish? I thought I’d take a moment to let you all know where things currently stand with regard to my life, this blog and its future.

Fair warning, though: I’ve got a lot to say. ]

[ Let’s start with the obvious: I haven’t posted anything new since December, and even then, I wasn’t posting very regularly.

There are reasons for that. Four big ones, to be precise.

The first (and biggest) of those is my job. I might have mentioned it before, but I started my first full time job last summer. It’s not a fun or fulfilling position and I plan on leaving it as soon as I possibly can, but right now, it’s the only source of income I’ve got.

It also takes up most of my free time. Back when I was in university, I was able to answer multiple asks each day. Now, I’m lucky if I draft a new post once a week.

Secondly, this blog has gotten a lot more attention than I ever expected it would.

As I’ve said many times before, I started faceless-conspiracy-buff as a passion project. I just wanted to try my hand at writing Q and maybe respond to a few questions from my friends. I had no idea that I’d end up with nearly three hundred followers.

And I’m grateful for the attention! It’s really, really flattering to know that so many people are interested in my art and writing.

But it’s also a little intimidating, which brings me to my third point: I’m trying to prioritize my mental health.

I’m an anxious person by nature and the past year has been quite rough on me. Maintaining a healthy work-life balance is challenging under the best of circumstances and since my circumstances aren’t the best... I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Things have been slowly improving. I’ve been practicing self-care, spending more time with friends and family, and generally trying to deal with my issues in a healthy way.

I’ve also been trying to cut out sources of unnecessary stress and, unfortunately, writing for this blog can be quite stressful.

I want to learn to manage that stress before I dive back into my inbox, y’know?

Finally, I’m working on a couple other projects right now. My dad’s a writer, and his number one piece of advice has always been “make your own stuff”. He understands the appeal of fan fiction, but he has always stressed the importance of having full creative control of your work.

And while I’d like to think that this version of Vic is uniquely mine, in the same way that Gail Simone’s Barbara Gordon is uniquely hers, I don’t own him. I can’t put any of my asks in my portfolio, or submit my flash fiction for publication.

I like writing Q, but I think it’s important for me to create original stuff too.

All of this is a long way of saying that there were legitimate reasons for my absence this time around.

I don’t want to abandon this blog. I don’t intend to abandon this blog.

I may eventually decide to throw in the towel, but I don’t plan on leaving without giving my boy a proper send off.

Q is still a major source of inspiration for me and a huge comfort character to boot. He is, for lack of a better term, blorbo from my shows. I love him.

And I love you. All of you. The mutuals, the strangers. The long-time followers, the newbies. The AIs, and the Riddlers, and the Dannyzens, and the vampire hunters, and all the people who send me in-character messages and delightful fan art.

I love you all.

Working on this blog has been hard, but you guys make it worthwhile.

Expect some kind of... something, in the near future. The issues I mentioned will probably keep me from settling into a schedule, but I’m going to try to put something together for all you kind, patient people. It’s the least I can do. ]

#OOC #[ This got. Really long. Sorry about that folks. ]#[ I just wanted to keep you guys in the loop ]

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powertripblog · 10 months

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Lore Dump: The Lampesh Mercenary Co-op

I've been showing off random pieces of backgrounds and environmental art for Powertrip for a while now, but I haven't really talked about any of the writing for the story. Since I've been head down in Scrivener writing up the story and world for Powertrip I haven't touched a drawing in a few days now. So I don't have anything to show sadly, but I can talk about something that I have written.

For today, I want to focus on one of the major antagonistic factions that will be appearing in the comic. The Lampesh Mercenary Co-op (it is not actually a co-op).

The Lampesh Mercenary Co-op, often abbreviated as the LMC is a freelance mercenary company that is mainly active in the southern half of the planet Ceres. For a fee they are willing to do just about anything for their clients. This can range from protection, extortion, robbery, sabotage, and even all the way up to assassination if the price is right. The LMC has become a massive thorn in the sides of the populace, as they are both decently skilled and well-armed enough to bully the population with almost total impunity. While communities do often have Watchmen to stand guard over them, the LMC has only seen a small amount of direct pushback towards their operations.

Not helping matters is the attitude of the mercenaries within the co-op. Ceres is a world with very socialist policies. Universal Basic Income, Guaranteed housing, Food Banks to help those who still don't quite have enough to put a meal on the table. There isn't any real reason to go into crime in this world, and as a result those that do tend to be very mean people. The larger part of the LMC is made up of narcissistic, greedy, cruel jerks who are only interested in their own personal gain at the expense of others. This attitude is not only reflected in the grunts at the bottom of the ladder, but goes all the way up to the boss of the whole operation.

The LMC was founded by two brothers, Adam and Barry Lampesh. Adam is the actual boss of the co-op, but doesn't really do a whole lot. He's become lazy over the decade that the LMC has operated and sees little issue with sitting around in his ill-gotten gains all day, with only sending out the occasional order. Adam can do work if he feels the need to, but no one has given the LMC a real challenge in years. Barry on the other hand, gets to deal with the brunt of the actual work. Both in terms of paperwork, and also going out on field missions. The lopsided arrangement and lack of respect and control is less than ideal for him, and Barry sometimes starts to think on what it would be like if he was in charge instead.

Next to talk about is aesthetics. The LMC has a very utilitarian attitude towards their look and equipment. Basically if they don't need it, they don't buy it. As a result their bases are minimalistic, with cheap construction and furniture. Their actual equipment is of much higher quality, but the mercenaries are only ever equipped with the items they will need for their current mission.

Now, to zoom out and talk about my thoughts behind the creation of the Lampesh Mercenary Co-op. The most obvious idea is to simply come up with an antagonistic faction that can be encountered multiple times. As a mercenary group, they tend to be all over the place which is important since the protagonist of Powertrip will also be frequently traveling. This means that I can have them act as a recurring presence throughout the events of the story. I don't plan on them being the only villains, or even the most important ones, but they will continue to be a grindstone that has to be dealt with during the early chapters of Powertrip. I also have some more interesting stuff planned with some of the individual characters, but that is very much spoiler content. I've already said more than I normally would like cause I tend to be very closed-mouthed with my stories.

I think that's about all I've got for this lore dump currently. I plan on doing a couple more of these since this was fun to write. If you bothered reading to this point, hopefully there was something interesting here for you.

#powertrip comic #powertrip dev #comics #webcomic #writing #original character

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mariska · 2 years

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this is going to sound kinda Cunty™️ of me maybe but i just started my period and im pissed off so idc. i get at least one public display of asshole behavior a month i think. but there is something so incredibly and indescribably frustrating to me about waking up in more pain than i can properly describe because of my endometriosis and taking a few mins to scroll thru my phone in bed because this happens multiple days per month so i know its gonna be A Whole Ordeal trying to drag myself upwards and out of my room to take my meds and seeing on my instagram feed (via Playbill i think?) that another big popular broadway show will be shutting down soon and checking the comments expecting, for some stupid reason on my end, to see people being like "goes to show what a serious financial and health situation the average population is going thru in the US right now if all these uber popular shows cant stay open", but instead seeing literally hundreds of people writing "WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH BROADWAYYY OMG" and 90% of the replies to those comments being 'IKRRR ITS SO SAD WHATS GOING ON'

like FULL offense but are you actually fucking kidding me right now. if some of the people being that dense about whats happening to Us Peasant Folk Who Have Never Been Able To Partake In A Broadway Showë are like. teenagers that are just commenting impulsively then like. whatever thats fine i can get that, teenagers dont know shit sometimes i was one myself once i remember, but full ass grown adults legitimately flipping out over phantom and beetlejuice not being on broadway and focusing that outrage at. like. broadway. and not even stopping to think about the fact that us Disabled And Poor Peasant Folk who are still alive have been screaming at them for almost 3 whole years and way way way more years before those last big 3 years that if they didnt start valuing other peoples lives as much as they do with their own then our pandemic health crisis and shit for-profit health "care" system will not have an end in sight and that means eventually it will affect them too. whether that is by getting sick with the still very real and deadly virus and becoming disabled, or things like classic cherished theater shows suddenly disappearing because their largest source of regular income are 1.) newly disabled or literally dead, and 2.) no longer able to have enough disposable income to spend on broadway shows because they have to prioritize necessities in an economic collapse where only the very rich and privileged are able to get by fine.

like again i know im being mean about it but i really do not care, the logical/rational processing section of my autistic brain just cannot wrap my mind around being so out of touch from the majority experiences of US american life that THIS is like, The Last Straw for so many adults my age (25) or older. get a fucking reality check or its going to affect a lot more personal things in ur life than ur ability to see phantom of the opera every weekend. my fucking god, dude.

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nco05 · 13 days

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The Barça season 2023/24 - menemí edition

The Femení edition will come after their final Liga F match, which isn't for another 3 weeks

Pardon the potential inaccuracies

Analysis of goals, transfers & injuries

As you can see, sadly there are no trophies for them this season. 2nd place in La Liga, defeat in quarters, RO16 & final sees them have a 2nd trophyless season in 3 years

Some highlights:

Robert is the player with the most goals, 25 in fact;

With his goal last matchday that was again the winning goal, Fermín is joint 2nd highest scorer of the season. A remarkable feat given 365 days ago he was still in 3rd division. Also no easy feat given he plays as an attacking midfielder;

Of the 7 goals Ferran scored in La Liga, 3 were scored in 1 match;

A handful of Barça B/U23 players scored 1 or more goal: Balde (U23), Fermín (U23), Pedri (almost 23?), Gavi (almost 20), Lamine (U19 even), Marc G. (Barça B) & Vitor (U20). This shows the ambition of the youngsters!;

A total of 109 goals isn't too bad. Not their absolute most, but still pretty good considering all the problems

Transfers:

Barça didn't receive many incoming transfers, with 2 even being loans!;

The midseason transfers/contract upgrades proved to be a critical key in 2nd place. While Roque sadly got limited playtime, Cubarsi & López proved extra critical for differing reasons: Fermín in the past month had among the highest efficiency in front of goal & Pau was defensively the best, remarkable for a 21 & 17 yo;

Xavi's departure - keep the discussion on the fairness elsewhere, thank you - could cause a real shake-up in terms of players;

The loaned players could return but also be sold?

Injuries (I could be wrong about some dates & miss some people)

It goes without saying this season much like the previous, Barça had a serious injury crisis. With key players being injured for a lenghty time

Pedri & Frenkie were injured on 3 seperate occassions. A total of 5 months for Pedri & 4 months for Frenkie is devestatingly long;

However Gavi is currently injured over half a year & Alejandro for 4 months. It is unlikely either player will be fit again after Euros;

The 2nd time Mats needed to be operated on his back. It isn't uncommon for sportsfolk to have backproblems as young as 32 years old (shit bro, some of my figure skating rivals & friends had back surgeries at age 16, MULTIPLE TIMES!). However it is worrying the problem re-arose or became a different one alogether;

Frenkie's 2nd injury was bad luck of landing wrong - speaking from experience, it really is just a misrotating of your ankle & you're screwed. The last one was even the doing of someone else;

Iñigo's 2nd injury is probably to do with faulty medical green light;

Gavi & Alejandro's injuries were season ending. Devestating blow as Gavi was easily the best player of the season at that point & Alej was a strongholder;

Few players unfortunately came back strong after injury: Pedri after his 3rd, Andreas, Iñigo after his 2nd, Lamine & Raphi after his 2nd. This could be due to not entirely recovered or the blow was mentally catastrophic... So to hear some players in the team talk about the benefit of therapy & mental health coaching is very hope-giving!;

The list of players uninjured is far shorter: Fermín - likely due to not playing full matches - & Pau - which could be worrisome after the summer. I don't even know if there is anyone else left that was not injured?

A lot has to improve in the upcoming season to prevent significant drama like the injuries listed!

Anyway this is the end of the season. Many things to look forward next season

German coach is always different than a Spanish one. So I am curious;

The inevitable return for Gavi & Alejandro will be a thing I greatly anticipate;

A potentially less dramatic season for Pedri, who's been steadily stabalising in the midfield & even defense again;

Some rest for Lamine & Pau!;

Another season of Fermín who does not lack in confidence in front of goal. Could he score even more than 11?;

A more stable season for Ter Stegen hopefully;

More minutes for Roque

#fc barcelona #futból #sports #get busy shake that queue

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thedarkcaustic · 2 years

Text

When We Were Young

I guess I want to talk about it.

I’m home alone. Sober and sad and sort of desperate for a hug.

I spent the weekend in Vegas with my best friend from childhood. We got tickets to When We Were Young and were lucky enough that ours were for the Sunday show and not the cancelled Saturday show.

I just have so many fucking feelings, I don’t even know where to begin. Lots of good feelings - it was amazing. It was amazing to be there, to see so many people excited to show that the music and the fashion and the feeling lived long beyond seventeen. In my experience, everyone was polite, even in the sun, in the lines, like we were all somehow strangers and friends. We were all revisiting the ghost of our youth.

It’s the closest thing to a religious experience I’ve had in a long time. And when I was a goth little teen, I was also a very devout Christian and somehow the music and the scene played into my faith. That’s something I don’t much feel like explaining these days. I never felt like my love of all things emo, my suicidal thoughts and self-harming behaviors made me a bad Christian.

I’m an atheist now. Which is neither here nor there.

It honestly felt like a pilgrimage. It’s sacrilegious. My flights to Vegas were full of the muttering of multiple people on the same journey as me - all of us going to that patch of asphalt in the desert. Standing out in the sun waiting to get into the venue, I was struck with a nostalgia that threatened to close my throat. We are all who we always were - teenagers that want to scream along to our favorite songs.

When I was younger, I didn’t think there was a point in going to a show unless you were going to be right up against the stage. At seventeen, I stood in line for eight hour or so to be as close to My Chemical Romance as possible. I was functionally only a few feet away from the stage. I got heatstroke for my efforts and was violently ill the rest of the night.

Having no desire to to get crushed, we stood in the back of this show. It was still incredible when they took the stage.

We all certainly felt our age - people trickling off before the last bands were done. I woke up the next morning and felt like absolute dogshit - standing in the sun for some thirteen or so hours really took a toll on my body. We aren’t young anymore. But I still can’t believe I’m an adult.

Throughout the event, I saw shirts and pins and signs that said things to the effect of, “It wasn’t a phase.” There is something so rightfully sweet about acknowledging that it isn’t a phase - that we may have all gotten our degrees and our office jobs and wear mild, professional clothing on the day to day. But given half a chance, we are busting out all the black again. We are still ourselves, underneath our grown up cosplay.

For me, that’s the heart of it - I am, somehow, the most distilled version of my teenage self. I just now have an income, and coping skills, a fully formed frontal lobe. But who I was - lonely, angry at injustice, ready for life to start, queer, wanting to make a positive change in the world - all of that is still here. Still me.

It’s been hard to listen to MCR, Taking Back Sunday, the Used, We the Kings, and the Starting Line for many years. Sometimes it brings me back to that powerless place of teenagehood. Sometimes it brings me back to the powerful friendships I had. To the long drives on the desert highways. To my desire to grow into a world-changing adult. To my angry, uncontrollable desire for love. To the sense of helplessness I felt over my life. And those parts are hard to touch. Those parts of my teenage self are hard to engage with. Because my life didn’t unfold the way I thought it would when I was young.

This is all to say - I don’t listen to these bands on the regular like I did as a teen. They don’t live in my car’s radio like they did my senior year of high school. But the chance to see them in person, to go back, to be this version of myself meeting the teenage version of myself - that was an experience I couldn’t pass up.

I’m still struggling to put it into words - the sorrow and the joy. The grief and the nostalgia. The contentment and the overstimulation. The past and the present.

#jd rambles

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cheapcourses · 2 years

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that-disabled-radfem · 3 years

Text

Happy back-to-school y’all

I’ve attended and worked at a couple of super liberal universities. I avoid the gender studies departments for obvious reasons and I still had a lecture in which the female prof gave a brief overview of TERFs and proclaimed her hatred of JKR. Being openly critical of gender ideology, the porn industry, kinks, and ‘sex work’ are the kind of things that can ruin your future in academia. Not to mention the fact that any speech or actions that could be labelled transphobic (ie. defining woman as adult human female) can get you a suspension according to many universities anti-hate-speech policies.

So, here’s a list of small and smallish (small in terms of overt TERFery, some may require more effort than others) radical feminist actions you can take as a university student:

(this is a liberal arts perspective so if you’re a stem gal this may not apply. but also if you’re in stem maybe you can actually acknowledge that women are oppressed as a sex class without getting kicked out of school. idk)

(Note for TRAs hate reading this: One of the core actions of radical feminism is creating female networks. This is not so that we can brainwash people into being anti-trans. This is because female solidarity is necessary for creating class consciousness and overturning patriarchy. It is harder to subjugate the female sex when we stand together.)

Take classes with female profs. Multiple sections of a class? Pick the one taught by a woman. Have to chose an elective? Only look at electives offered by women. When classes have low numbers they get cancelled. When classes are super popular, universities are forced to consider promoting the faculty that teach them

Make relationships with these female profs. Go to office hours. Chat after class. Ask them about their research. Building female networks is sooooo important!

Actually fill in your end of year course feedback forms. Profs often need these when applying for tenure or applying for a job at another university so it is very important (especially with young and/or new profs) that you fill out these forms and give specific examples of how great these women are. Go off about what you love about them! Give her a brilliant review because you know the idiot boy in that class who won’t shut up even though he knows nothing is going to give her only negative feedback because he thinks any woman who leaves the house is a feminazi b*tch.

(note: obviously don’t go praising any prof - female or male - who is blatantly racist, homophobic, etc.)

(Also if you have shitty male profs write down all the horrible things they have done and said and put it in these forms because once a shitty man gets tenure they are virtually untouchable)

(also also, leave a good review on rate my profs or whatever other thing students use to figure out if they want to take classes. idc if you copy paste your feedback from the formal review. rave about the class to your friends. do what you can to get good enrolment for that prof for reasons above.)

Participate in class. Talk over the male students. Say what you mean and mean it. Call out the boys when they say dumb shit

Write about women. If you have the option to make a text written by a woman your primary text in an essay, do it. Pick the female-centred option if you’re writing an exam-essay with multiple prompts. (Profs often look at what works on their syllabus are being written about/engaged with as a marker of whether to keep those texts the next time they teach the class. If there are badass women on your syllabus, write about them to keep them on the syllabus) Use female-written secondary sources whenever possible.

(pro tip: many women in academia are more than happy to talk to you about their papers. expand your female networks by reaching out to article authors through email and asking them about their cool shit)

Get your essays published! Many departments have undergrad journals you can publish in. This will ensure more people read about the women you write about and will demonstrate to the department that people like learning about women

Consider trying to publish your undergrad essay with a legit peer-reviewed journal. If you can do it, your use of female-written secondary sources boosts the reputations of the women who wrote those secondary sources. Also this helps generally to increase scholarship about women’s writing!

Present your papers at conferences! Many schools have their own undergraduate/departmental conferences that you can present at. Push yourself by submitting to outside conferences. Bring attention to women’s works by presenting your papers. Take a space at a conference that would otherwise be reserved for mediocre men

Talk to your profs and/or your department and/or your university about mandating the inclusion of female works in classes if this isn’t something they do already

Sit next to other women in your classes. Talk to them. Make friends. Form study groups. Proofread each other’s essays. Give each other knowing looks when the boys are being dumb. Just interact with other women! Build those female networks!

Be generous with your compliments. A female classmate and I were talking to a prof after class and the classmate told me (out of the blue) that I always have such interesting things to say. I think about that whenever I’m lacking confidence about my academic skills. Compliment the women in your classes for speaking up, for sharing their opinions, for challenging your classmates/profs, for doing cool presentations, etc.

Talk to other women about sexist things going on on campus. Make everyone aware of the sexist profs. Complain about how there are many more tenured men than tenured women. Go on rate my professor and be explicit about how the sexist profs are sexist

Be active on campus and in societies. If a society has an all male executive or is male-dominated, any women who join that society make it less intimidating for more women to join. Run for executive positions! Bring in more women!

(Pro tip: Many societies’ elections are super gameable. You can be eligible to vote in a society election sometimes just by being a student at that university — even without having done anything with the society before. Other societies might just require that you’ve taken a class in a particular department or attended a society event. (Check the society’s governing documents.) Use those female networks you’ve been building. If you can bring three or four random people to vote for you, that might be enough for you to win. Societies have trouble meeting quorum (the minimum number of people in attendance to do votes) so it is really super achievable to rig an election with a few friends. And don’t feel bad about this. The system is rigged against women so you have every right to exploit loopholes!)

(Also feel free to go vote “non-confidence”/“re-open election” if only shitty men are running. Too often people see that only candidates they don’t like are running and so they give up. But you can actually stop them getting elected)

Your campus may have a LGBTQIA+alphabetsoup society. That society definitely needs more L and B women representation. It may be tedious to argue with the nb straight dudes who insist that it’s fine to use “q***r” in the society’s posters and that attraction has nothing to do with genitals, but just imagine what could happen if we could make these sorts of societies actually safe spaces for same-sex attracted women and advocated for our concerns

Attend random societies’ election meetings. Get women elected and peace out. (or actually get involved but I’m trying to emphasize the lowest commitment option with this one)

Write for the campus newspaper. Write about what women are doing - women’s sports, cool society activities, whatever. Review female movies, books, tv shows, local theatre productions. Write about sexism on campus. We need more female by-lines and more stories about women

Get involved with your campus’s sexual assault & r*pe hotline/sexual assault survivor’s centre/whatever similar organization your campus has if you can. This is hard work and definitely not for everyone (pls take care of yourself first, especially if you are a survivor)

(If your campus doesn’t have an organization for supporting survivor’s of sexualized violence, start one! This is probably going to be a lot of hard work though, so don’t do it alone)

Talk to your student council about providing free menstrual hygiene products on campus if your campus doesn’t already do this. If your campus provides free condoms (which they probs do), use that as leverage (ie. ‘sex is optional, menstruation is not. so why do we have free condoms and no free pads?’)

If you’re an older student, get involved with younger students (orientation week and such activities are good for this). Show the freshman that you can be a successful and well-liked woman without shaving your legs, wearing heels, wearing make-up, etc. Mentor these young women. Offer to go for coffee or proofread essays.

Come to class looking like a human being. Be visibly make-up less, unshaven, unfeminine, etc. to show off the many different ways of being a woman

Talk to the custodial staff and learn their names. (I know there are men who work in this profession, but it is dominated by low-income women) Say hi in the hallways, ask them about their lives, show them they’re appreciated

Be explicit with your language. When you are talking about sex-based oppression, say it. Don’t say ‘sex worker’ when you mean survivor of human trafficking. This tip is obviously a bit tricky in terms of overt TERFyness, so use your best judgement

That’s all from me for now! Feel free to add your suggestions and remember that feminism is about action

#back to school #university #terf safe #terfs DO interact #feminist action

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061890 · 3 years

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Asougi and Naruhodou’s speeches and localization

A while back when the Great Ace Attorney was first released, I made a post on my DGS Twitter on some… Not great localization changes made in the first Escapade in the game's DLC. Namely, the topic of Asougi's speech.

In the Dai Gyakuten Saiban subtitles channel's translation of the DLC, Asougi's speech excerpt is this:

"Now's the time to make a stand! All you young and elderly, gentlemen and ladyfolk of the downtrodden classes!"

In Japanese: 「さあ！今こそ立ち上がれ！低所得者層の老若男女よ!」

While the translation uses the phrase "downtrodden classes", the original text uses 「低所得者層」 specifically, referring to low-income working class people. This is relevant due to the fact that, in the late 1800s and early 1900s, rapid modernization and changes in Japanese labor relations led to the mistreatment of the working class. The emphasis on social harmony, along with censorship and restricting the right to assembly (which would later become criminalized in 1900), made it difficult to organize labor strikes.

And yes, while this DLC episode was very much a slice-of-life thing compared to the rest of the Great Ace Attorney, the original topics of both Asougi and Naruhodou's speeches are very informative of their characters and political views; Asougi especially, which makes the changes made in the localization even more confusing.

See, at the time, rapid industrialization was done in order to bolster the military, as the government believed back then that doing so was necessary at the threat of European imperialism; however, as real-life history shows, this directly led to Japan doing irreparable damage in its own imperialist conquest.

So, for Asougi to have given a speech explicitly in support of low-income working class people was not just him being anti-capitalist, it also very much had to do with him being anti-militarist and anti-imperialist as well.

Him planning to say 「老若男女」 ("men and women of all ages") —specifically, him mentioning women of low-income in the working class— also references how labor relations for female workers in the textile industry were mostly girls from poor families that worked in wealthy households in preparation for marriage. Similarly, Asougi acknowledging workers of all ages references how at the time, Japanese labor unions were more inclusive than that of the United States', as apprentices could join regardless of age and skill level.

Kazuma Asougi is, to the surprise of few, an incredibly political person. In fact, his actions here and generally recalcitrant treatment of authority figures, parallel left-wing socialist views at the time:

"One ideological faction [of the early labor leaders] favored discussion and cooperation with management, avoided strikes and political issues, and tried to win higher wages through improved productivity. These were moderates who favored harmony between labor and capital. The other major faction favored confrontation with management, thrived on political issues, and embraced the strike weapon. These were the left-wing socialists." — The Birth of the Japanese Labor Movement by Stephen E. Marsland

Even the year wherein he gave his speech, namely, the summer of 1897 is relevant to Japan's labor movement and how Asougi's character is rooted in exploitation by Western powers. This is because in April of 1897, Takano Fusataro, a Japanese labor activist, wrote "A Summons to the Workers", calling for the workers of Japan to organize at the threat of being exploited by foreign capitalist powers. Asougi's speech even parallels some of it, but notably, advocates for confrontation now while Fusataro discouraged revolution and radicalization, instead advocating for gradual change.

From "A Summons to the Workers":

「立て職工諸君、立つて組合を組織し、以てその重大なる責務とそのの男子たる面目を保つを務めよ。」

"Stand up, you workers! Stand up and organize unions!"

Asougi's speech:

「さあ！今こそ立ち上がれ！低所得者層の老若男女よ!」

"Now's the time to make a stand! All you young and elderly, gentlemen and ladyfolk of the downtrodden classes!"

Note: Fusataro references men due to "Summons" being directed towards factory workers at the time, but Asougi's speech generally references workers of all ages due to having a different audience.

In sharp contrast, Naruhodou's speech is about filial piety:

"Let's all cherish our mothers and fathers!"

Asougi losing all support for what was considered a very gutsy and controversial speech when he made a single slip-up —that being the infamous tongue twister— where Naruhodou wins for a very simple, even boring, speech tells us a lot about how they're seen by society.

Asougi in canon is considered arrogant and annoying by multiple authority figures —namely, Auchi— because he's outspoken about current events and politics; and while being 23 years old is very much an adult by our standards, in Meiji era Japan, one couldn't vote unless they were male, over the age of 25, and paid taxes of at least 15 yen per year. This was something that mainly landowners and ex-samurai could do.

Naruhodou, on the other hand, is initially a typical Japanese young man that conforms to the status quo. He dislikes going against his parents' wishes, and as his speech shows, advocates for an idea that's the standard in Japanese society. He's also notably apolitical, as originally, when he claims he and Asougi talked about politics over lunch, Asougi corrects him stating he only ever talked about comedy theatre.

Note: While Naruhodou uses the term 「愛国」 (あいこく, lit. love of one's country, basically patriotism) when talking about he and Asougi's "debates", from literally everything we know about Asougi's political views, I seriously doubt Asougi was being patriotic when he criticizes the government as often as he does. That, and the fact that Naruhodou is already a very unreliable narrator and doesn’t even remember what actually happened.

Similarly, in the Japan-only DLC episode for Dai Gyakuten Saiban 2, he chides Naruhodou for not keeping up with current events:

Asougi: "It sounds like you haven't been reading the papers, Naruhodou."

Naruhodou: "N-No, not so much lately..."

Asougi: [...] "Defence attorneys didn't exist in our country until only recently. Our reputations are still as low as mud, being called shysters who make underhanded deals. It's stuff like this which makes us have to claw back the people's trust. You should read at least this much, Naruhodou."

Naruhodou: "Urghhh… Newspapers are too complicated…"

Now, to return to the topic of the Great Ace Attorney, Asougi in the localization instead gives this speech:

Asougi: "So arise, ladies and gentlemen, and applaud our forefathers' plight and the fight for filial piety!"

...Thus, making him losing to Naruhodou a matter of skill and verbal articulation rather than that of politics. While again, yes, the DLC episodes are very much just extra content, the fact of the localization changing this not only weakens Asougi's character due to him being a very political person, but goes directly against his character.

After all, his original speech was a call to action for laborers in a time where labor relations were based in a parent-child (oyataka and kokata) dynamic for employers and employees respectively. To have him say that when he originally challenged this authority is just plain wrong, especially when Japanese society expects one to defer to their elders and authority.

Not only that, but Asougi's motivations for traveling to London had to do with how he and his immediate family were killed or harmed because of the Professor ordeal. He makes no mention of being obligated by his family name, even when he tells Naruhodou and Susato about them, nor the idea of clearing Genshin's name of wrongdoing. After all, while Genshin supposedly being the Professor was concealed from the public, it still would have brought him and his family shame in the wider Asougi family as a result.

While the Great Ace Attorney being localized certainly brings many great things —accessibility, directors' commentary, etc.— to the Ace Attorney's audience, it has several flaws in its localization, and this speech thing is just one of them; one particularly egregious example being Megundal being made Irish in a time where they were racially discriminated against, not to mention the antisemitism in DGS1-3, but that's a post for another day.

In the meantime, I can only wonder why this change was made to a character whose story is inherently rooted in questioning authority, and speaking out regarding Japanese politics and current events at the time.

#dgs #dai gyatuken saiban #meta #the great ace attorney #tgaa #kazuma asougi #tgaa2 spoilers #tgaa spoilers #dgs2 spoilers #this one's... a long one. my god.#localization unfortunately opening the floodgates for more super not great historically insensitive choices #i'll most likely write on megundal/mcgilded next since there's also a lot of stuff to unpack there

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tommyspeakycap · 2 years

Text

Blue

little bit of setting of a setting scene chapter :)

john hates the idea of you sitting at home alone, but also the idea of you being out drunk and wild by yourself, so he decides a little white lie to get you out of the house couldn’t hurt

series masterlist + prologue

chapter song: drive - halsey

John was three when you were born. He didn’t much understand the prospect of babies or why everyone was cooing over you quite so much, but he grew fond of you pretty quickly afterwards anyway. Once you started to toddle around, you became very interested in the football he appeared to always have within a reaching distance of him and by the time you were five and him eight, you were pretty much inseparable.

No one was really sure why you and John got on so well, other than the fact you were next door neighbours who didn’t like very many people, but everybody see that you were very very close from an incredibly young age. Other than that really, you're starkly different. John’s loud and boisterous, outwardly funny all the time and you’re a lot quieter. Still hysterical, especially with John more reserved, not so outgoing as he is. John definitely isn't so academically inclined, always far too focussed on football to really concentrate on anything else because he knew he didn't want to even do anything else.

You wanted to go to uni. You never really knew what for, but you did always know you wanted to go pretty much no matter what. You wanted to be the first of your family to go to university, first to be scholar and really make something of yourself so you never had to struggle for money like your family always had to. That dream had been confided in to John many times on those late nights down at the makeshift football field where you would jog on the spot to keep warm and John would continue doing shooting practice while you both talked for hours on end.

Both of you, in some ways achieved the dreams you spoke of as those unknowing kids. John's a world-class footballer now and you went to uni for four years to do the course you decided on. You worked your arse off and now you’re nearly 23 now with a specialist masters degree and yet wholly and completely unsatisfied. Every job you get lasts merely a few months at most because nothing seems to scintillate you as much as you are searching for. Nothing feels right, no job feels like the one you’ve been longing for and it feels as though you've worked you whole life, given up on so much of it and have nothing to show for it.

John believes having a masters degree with offers into a multiple different programmes at 23 is something to show for yourself, but it doesn't appear as though you wholeheartedly agree with him.

He can't really say anything though, because he knows its been nothing like what you expected it to be. They tout university with a good future for a steady life with strong income that will keep you settled. You could get good jobs, but everything left you feeling empty and no matter how much you worked anyway, you knew you'd be paying off student loan debts probably for the rest of your life and you won't let John touch them despite the fact those debts weren't even half of his paycheque for the month.

With just about everything he can think of done to try and help you, John really isn't sure what other avenues he can take. He couldn't count the times on one hand that he's suggested you go to therapy because the face value issues were likely a whole lot deeper than you realise, but you have never once even begun to humour the idea that that it something you would do. He even offered to pay for a specialist, thinking that it might be the money or the waiting times that help you back from seeking help initially.

You were just...averse to being helped maybe?

He hated that because he can see the pain you are in each and every day even if you don't ever admit to it. Even if you never say it, try to never let on; John had known you since you were born and so that man knows better than any other person in this world what you look like when you are sad, hurting and lying about it.

It's what you've done your whole entire life.

"Wakey wakes eggs and bakey miss (y/n), your family would like to see you at some point today if that's alright with you." John announces sarcastically as he enters into your flat as loudly as it seems that he possibly can. "It's not." You grumble from beneath your mountain of duvets curled around your body, rolling over to shield yourself from the curtains you know he is going to open the second he barges into your room.

"Rise and shine!" He bellows, striding through the small room with his long legs. "It's time to wake- AH!"

"John stop shouting," you protests, keeping your eyes clenched firmly shut. "It's only like, 10am."

"(y/n)." He clears his throat.

"What is it, John?" You groan.

"There appears to be a man in your bed."

You roll over finally, peeling open your eyes only for them to land on the body of a man you only vaguely remember speaking to at the bar last night. "Oh crap, David! Up! I told you not to sleep in my bed!" You thwack the sleeping man (who's name you aren't actually sure is David) with a pillow to jolt him into the same reluctant wakefulness that John's booming Yorkshire accent dragged you into.

"What the fuck?" He mumbles, just about as confused by him being there are you clearly are. "Out you go mate," John cuts in, easily pulling him up out of the bed by his arm. John chucks a bundle of clothes at him and is very glad to see the stranger out the door while you resume your laying down position in your very favourite place.

Bed.

John shuffles back through to your room, dropping himself down on top of the bed next to you with a heavy sigh. "Another night, (y/n)? Really? How are you not dying."

You chuckle slightly, shrugging your shoulders. "I'm not an old fogey like you John, I'm only 23. Still ready for many nights on the piss up bringing home random guys like I should have done when I was in uni." You retort, words closely followed by a long yawn with a full body stretch that makes your body pop and crack along with it.

"You know it hate when you do that." John groans, words muttered through teeth clenched in discomfort. He'd always hated the sound of you cracking all your joints. "And you know I don't much care for what you think, eh Johnny?"

"Yeah, yeah," he brushes off, "Need a favour."

"Of course you do." You yawn again.

"What's that supposed to mean?" John protests, wearing a sudden and somewhat unintentional pout.

"It's called a joke, John. Maybe you'll learn some one day."

"Ha, ha, ha. So very funny. Can I ask you my favour now?"

You nod your head, inviting him to carry on as you turn to face him with just a portion of your face peaking out from beneath the blankets and duvet still shrouding you. "I need you to pick me and Ruben up from the game tonight?"

You shut your eyes and swallow the groan. "You have a game tonight?" You tease, trying to cover the fact that you really just don't want to despite the fact you're probably going to tell him as much in a mere few seconds.

"Ha, ha. Again, very funny (y/n). UCL opener. He was going to drive us back but his car broke down at this morning and we have no other way of getting home. Look at this as a-"

"Curse to ruin my Friday evening plans?" You cut in with eyebrows raised to challenge him. "No," John retorts sharply, "I was going to say: A chance to finally meet him. He's the only one of my teammates you've never met and I like him, so you will too." He tries to persuade. You now furrow your brows.

"Oh so you're a liar now then, Stones?" You snort out, a laugh of disbelief close to follow. John rolls his eyes directly at you so that you can vey clearly see he's doing it. "Well you like Kyle don't you?" He argues, giving you a chance to roll your eyes. "Kyle's funny and I do love him, but oh my god, please tell me you haven't gotten another Kyle-"

"Rúben is nothing like Kyle, (y/n). But you'll like him, I promise."

Despite the sceptical look you direct at your longtime best friend, his puppy eyes, that pout he puts on and the way he's looking at you to beg you for this one favour makes you groan as you agree. "But you owe me, John Stones, I had plans!"

"Okay okay! Thank you thank you love! What would I do without you eh?"

"Freeze to death standing in the Etihad carpark?"

"Probably. I should head.” He acknowledges, but doesn’t move a muscle from where he lies on his back on your bed, hands clasped over his stomach. “Fair. I need to get back to sleep.” You yawn, stretching your arms up over your head. John lays there for probably another ten minutes in the comfortable silence before he finally groans and rolls to him feet. “No i really do need to run, but I love you to the moon and back and I’ll see you tonight at the match!"

He doesn't even give you time to respond, but subconsciously you both know you'll do anything he ever asks of you. You sink down into your mattress, letting out a heavy sigh when you know he can’t hear you in his way down your hall. His phone rings, allowing you to hear his chirpy voice once more as he answers it. “Yeah, daddy’ll be home soon sweetheart.” He assures, “That does sound fun!”

His chortling laughter bounces down the hallway, spreading a small smile across your face and aching like a weight on your chest. John is so happy, and you love that that he is, but it doesn’t ease your pain the way you wish it would. His chuckles quieten the closer he gets to the door until you eventually hear him exiting it, leaving your flat just as tired and empty as you feel every hour of the day.

your laugh echos down the hallway, carves into my hallow chest, spreads over the emptiness. it’s bliss

next ->

#sorry if this one is crap i swear the next ones better😂#john stones #rúben dias #john stones x reader #rúben dias x reader #ruben dias x reader

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let-them-read-fics · 3 years

Text

What Could've Been

Requested By Anon: "pls do a rosé or jennie imagine where the reader is into them but they just keep rejecting her. then they just cross the line one day and say hurtful things to y/n so the reader just ended up stopped pursuing them. then someone else (could be the other rosé or jennie also of yk what i mean) became interested in y/n and they get all petty and jealous yk djajdua,, COULD BE ANY ENDING HFHSHAU I'M JUST A REAL SUCKER FOR IMAGINES LIKE THIS TYSM"

Pairing: Love Triangle -- Jennie x Fem!Reader and Rosé x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~ 7,333

Warnings / Misc. -- Angst, Pining, Rejection, Crying, Fluff

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: ⚠️ Important ⚠️ Class, gather round -- we have some things to discuss. I'm not angry, just... disappointed. *dramatic music*

First off, I want to address something with asks: as I've stated before, there's no certain amount of time that any one request will take me. Sometimes I'm more inspired by one than others, and sometimes I legitimately lack the time or brainpower to write a piece that holds true to my standards.

Please, refrain from messaging me multiple times about a request. Once is fine, especially if it's been awhile since you first asked, but I'm doing my best to give you starving fans the content you wish to see, and that takes time.

To those of you who continue to be patient with me: I sincerely appreciate it.

Secondly, I hope you enjoy this. ♡ Happy Reading ♡

PS ~ Anon, I still love you. Now enjoy this fic or you're grounded.

PPS ~ It gets better as it goes on

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

"Thank you," you politely say to your driver, handing him some money before stepping out of the sleek black car and onto the sidewalk. The bottoms of your shoes crunch lightly as they come in contact with the concrete, steadily announcing your course towards the performance hall.

You let out a breath as you stand in the elevator, alone with your thoughts in the small space as it ascends.

Your hands nervously palm the fresh bouquets of flowers you purchased on your way here -- the girls just finished a comeback stage, so you've decided to surprise them and show your love. You spent time picking out a personalized batch for each of them, making sure to mix their favorite colors and types, but you went even further for Rosé: you hand picked a larger, special array, choosing them based on their meaning and how much you think she'll appreciate them. Over the years, you've made sure to note her favorite ones; that came in handy tonight, and the florist assisting you definitely appreciated your attention to detail.

Too chicken to go to her first, you decide to bring the other girls their gifts now and save Rosie for last. All of them are unwinding independently in their dressing rooms right now, enjoying some much needed alone time before coming back together later to celebrate.

"Jisoo-yah!" You sing-song, rapping lightly on the door. It's slightly ajar, but you still knock out of respect for her privacy.

In an instant, the door swings open to reveal a very happy unnie. "Y/N! I've missed you!" She nearly shouts, pulling you in for an eager hug. A surprised noise leaves her lips as her hands come in contact with the bundle behind your back, crinkling the plastic slightly in her excited state.

"I got you a present," you say, smiling softly. Jisoo can feel the way your cheeks raise up, brushing against the skin of her neck as your head rests there, and her heart melts. After pulling out of the embrace, she wiggles her eyebrows at you.

"Well? Let me see!" You do as she asks with a chuckle, pulling her bunch out of the hold of the rubber band that's keeping them all together. "I got your favorite." You grin, sticking them out for her to see. Her eyes widen at the sight, and she's touched by the kind gesture. Flowers aren't particularly unique in terms of what companies and fans send them, but seeing the effort you put in makes it incredibly special. She couldn't be happier.

"Y/N, you're the best." She presses a small kiss to your cheek as a thank you, and invites you in right after. Jisoo considers you to be one of the closest friends she has, so being apart hasn't been easy on her. You're the only person she's okay with venting and crying in front of, and she's been needing that lately. Sensing this, you pull a chair up to her vanity and let her fill you in on all the mayhem you missed out on during your time away, holding her hand for reassurance. When she gets a little frustrated, you rub her back gently, telling her to take her time.

Jisoo is beyond thankful for you, and that becomes more and more apparent the closer you two get. Times like these hold a special place in her heart and remind her of why she loves you so much. You truly are a great friend to have, and there's no one she'd rather have in her corner.

----

"Incoming! 3...2...1…" You call out, standing in front of Lisa's door, ready to knock it down and barge in. The greeting is an inside joke between the two of you, though neither of you know where its origins lie.

"Yah! Hold on!" She shouts, nearly tripping and falling from how quick she rushes to the door. You laugh at the sounds of chaos coming from inside, wincing slightly when a thud rings out. Hair slightly disheveled, she opens the door with a huff. "This had better be good, because I almost died."

Wordlessly, you reveal her present and smirk as the halfhearted scowl on her face disappears completely, giving way to a dopey grin. "You remembered?" She asks quietly, running her fingers over the petals of her all-time favorite flower. The fact that she sounds so shocked makes you sad -- not many people take enough time to notice the little things. They'd rather focus on profiting off of the girls' talents than actually caring enough to get to know them.

"Of course I did, Lisa. You're one of my best friends; how could I forget?" The maknae pulls you in for a meaningful hug, allowing the gesture to tell you all the things she doesn't know how to express. She's not always the best with her words, but she makes up for it with her actions.

"I really love you, dork. You know that?" She asks as she pulls away, ruffling your hair lightly. She cracks that smile that seems to make the world stop, and you just shake your head.

"You'd better. Your flowers were the most expensive!" You tease, dodging her when she reaches out to grab you for that one.

"Get back here!" She shouts, chasing you down the hall like a 5 year old, planning to get her revenge.

---

"Jendeukie, open up!" You squeal, pounding on her door while throwing a look over your shoulder. Lisa is dangerously close, ready to tackle you as she continues charging down the hall.

"Y/N?!" She exclaims from the other side of the door, clearly not expecting you to be here.

"Hurry!" You can hear footsteps eagerly rushing towards the door, and just as she opens it, disaster strikes.

Lisa's arms wrap around your waist, pushing you forward and right into Jennie. The three of you fall into her dressing room in a messy heap, limbs splayed in various positions as you yell together on the way down. You manage to keep the flowers out of harm's way, thankfully, and your arm remains stuck out just in case Lisa tries anything else.

"Hello to you, too, Y/N." Jennie groans with a chuckle, the words coming out a little strained from all the weight on her. Lisa stands first, pulling you up right after, and you turn to help your best friend up as well.

"I sure know how to make an entrance, huh?" Your lopsided grin makes Jennie weak in the knees, much like it has ever since she met you all those years ago, and she has to fight to contain the blush that rises to her cheeks. After bantering with Lisa for a few more moments you eventually push her out of the room, shoo-ing her back to her own in order to give yourself some one-on-one time with Jennie.

You stick your tongue out at the maknae one final time before shutting the door and turning around, finding a very soft looking Jennie peering back at you. Her cheeks are pulled back in her signature gummy smile, and the fluffy sleeves of her Chanel sweater engulf her small hands as she cradles her face in them.

Perhaps, if circumstances were different, you'd be hopelessly pining for this 5'4" angel instead of Rosé. Love knows no logic, though, and you're stuck chasing after a certain Australian beauty that never seems capable of giving you the time of day.

"I missed you," she pouts, pursing her lips adorably as she steps forward to wrap her arms around your shoulders. You pull her in and pick her up with a spin, smiling into her neck when she giggles in your ear.

"Well, I'm here now. And luckily for you…." you start, allowing for some anticipation to build, "I come bearing gifts. Well, a gift. Singular." Jennie chuckles at your rambling -- it's one of the traits she finds most endearing about you, and she always hates it when people cut you down for it. It's adorable in every way.

"Oh?" She asks, intrigued as she raises an eyebrow -- she's keeping the act up for you, of course, too fond of the cute smile on your face to tell you that she already knows what it is. You hand over the flowers with a little jig, too excited by how happy she looks to contain yourself.

"They're beautiful, Y/N." She stops herself from adding a, "just like you," to the end of the phrase, wishing she was able to say things like that. You deserve to be reminded of how special you are everyday, and she knows her bandmate fails to do so.

"So, what've you been up to?" You amble over to the couch that's tucked away in the corner of her dressing room, plopping down onto the cushions with a small bounce. Rosé's flowers lay beside you, and Jennie eyes them.

"Same old, same old," she says, finally looking back at you with a tiny grin. "Practice for the comeback has kept us really busy lately, and somebody hasn't been there to tell us jokes at 3AM and keep us going." She playfully rolls her eyes, pretending to be annoyed.

"My most sincere apologies," you hold a hand over your heart in mock regret, bowing your head with closed eyes. "On the bright side, though, I'm back in town for next month or two. I finished the business deals we had to handle abroad, so now I'm all yours."

She knows you didn't mean hers, but that doesn't stop her from pretending.

A happy noise of approval slips past her lips, and she claps excitedly. The sight reminds you of some of the childhood videos she's shown you, the two looking eerily similar to one another. No matter what may happen in her life, Jennie will most certainly remain that innocent young girl at heart, getting scared by everything that moves and loving with her all. She's an amazing person to know, and part of you feels sorry for everyone who'll never get the privilege of knowing her personally -- after all, everyone deserves a Jennie Kim in their lives.

"Are you celebrating with us later?" She asks from in front of her mirror, now brushing her hair to busy herself. She runs the risk of making her feelings too obvious if she doesn't keep herself occupied.

"I was planning to, yes. But that might depend on Rosé." You inform with a nervous chuckle, an anxious smile playing on your lips. When you look up and find her brows furrowed, you elaborate.

"I'm gonna try to ask her out today when I bring her these flowers." You lightly chew your bottom lip out of habit, rubbing your hands together. The mere thought of such a task is daunting, especially with your not-so-perfect track record when it comes to her. You still try to cling to what little hope you have squirreled away in your heart, wishing with all your power that your sweet present will convince Rosé to at least give you a chance.

Distracted by your thoughts, you don't notice the way that Jennie's face falls. Her heart is breaking in silence, splintering into pieces far too small to put back together. She knew this day would come eventually, given that you're a determined person and head over heels for Rosé, but that doesn't mean she was prepared to find out like this. The lovesick glimmer in your eye hurts Jennie even more, knowing that you're probably imagining what it would be like for her to say yes to you. This whole time, Rosé has been stringing you along -- giving you just enough hope to keep coming back to her, using your devoted acts of kindness selfishly -- and Jennie would do anything to make you see that. You don't deserve what she puts you through.

"...Earth to Jennie!"

The brunette snaps back to reality and clears her throat, attempting to gather her thoughts again.

"Sorry, just got lost there for a second." She says, looking back into your eyes after a moment. A curious look plays in them, and she can practically see you debating on whether or not to question her further. She lets out a quiet sigh of relief when you accept her answer, choosing instead to smile at her.

"It's alright. But what's not alright, is that I've been sitting here for 5 minutes and you haven't come over to cuddle me. I mean seriously, a girl's gone for forever and her best friend doesn't bombard her with love?" You shake your head with an amused smile, throwing your hands in the air.

Oh, the things she would do to change that title.

Successfully suppressing the pang of longing that runs through her, Jennie quips back, "A month and a half is hardly forever, Y/N."

"It felt like it, though. I missed seeing you."

She finds you pouting, your arms folded across your chest like a toddler, and her heart melts. Any amount of time without you is too long for Jennie's liking, and she's happy to know you missed her as well.

"Fine, I guess I can spare some cuddles." She pretends to be put out as she approaches you, really playing the part by huffing and looking uninterested. Inside, though, she's celebrating. She can't wait to hold you close again, even if it may lead to her hurting herself with the what-ifs and scenarios that play in her mind.

"Yay!" You shout, pulling her into your lap before laying your head on her shoulder. Her heart beats rapidly at the proximity, and she prays to every higher power in existence that you don't notice it.

She relaxes after a moment, releasing the tension from her muscles as she sinks into your embrace. It's warm and comforting, and she never wants you to let go. Her head rests on top of yours, and she's content just running her hands through your hair, feeling your calm breaths against her skin.

She's so in love it hurts.

-----

This'll convince her, you whisper to yourself, attempting to sound confident -- key word: attempting. If there's one thing you know about Rosé, it's that she loves to be difficult with you. You caught feelings for her years ago when you were first introduced to each other at a company event, and ever since then you've done nice things for her nonstop, hoping that she'd fall for you with time. The longer you wait, though, the more discouraged you get. Regardless, those times that she appreciates your efforts make up for all the rest, and you'd gladly take 100 instances of the "bad" in order to have even just one of the "good".

After taking a deep breath, you knock on the door a couple times.

A sigh can be heard, sounding like a complete 180 from the reactions of the other girls. The subsequent footsteps are heavy -- like she's dragging her feet, not even wanting to get up in the first place -- and they work to dishearten you a bit. Nevertheless, you imagine how happy she'll be when she sees the surprise, and a small smile makes its ways onto your lips. All you want to do is brighten her day, if only for a moment.

An indifferent expression rests on her face when she first opens the door, likely expecting someone else to be standing in your place. Not much changes when she realizes it's you, though a sliver of a smile does quirk up at the corner of her lips.

"Hiya Rosie," you greet sweetly, unable to contain how wide your smile grows at seeing her again. She makes you feel like a giddy school girl, and you can't decide if you love it or hate it.

"What's up?" She asks, more out of common courtesy than anything else. Her body leans against the doorframe, her left arm resting behind the door. She didn't throw it open or invite you in like the other girls, so that tells you that she probably doesn't want visitors.

When you take too long to answer, she asks dryly, "Are you just gonna stare at me?" Her voice is laced with a slight undertone of annoyance -- one that makes you shrink down a bit. You can practically hear how exhausted she is, and part of you feels bad for disturbing her with your presence.

"N-no, sorry." You curse yourself for looking like a fool. "I got you something that I think you'll enjoy." Her eyebrows raise slightly and you can tell she's intrigued, even if she may try to deny it.

"Here." You declare, nervously fixing the plastic as you hold the bundle in front of you. You want it to look perfect for her.

"I, uh, hand picked it."

"Thank you, it's lovely." She says politely, taking them from you and bringing them up to her nose. She admires the gentle, pleasant scent of them, and smiles appreciatively at you.

You blush under her gaze, slightly tripping over your words as you respond, "Of course, I'm glad you like it."

Now, the part you dread: when the conversation dwindles down, threatening to end entirely unless you step up to keep it going.

"Well, how've you been?" You cringe at the overused question, but you're willing to employ it in order to hear her sweet voice for a little longer.

"Look, Y/N, I really appreciate the gift and all, and I'm really happy to see you again, but I don't feel like talking right now. I just want to enjoy myself for a little bit." Her denial makes you scrunch your face up, embarrassed beyond belief as her words sink in. You should've known that flowers wouldn't suffice. Perhaps that last line stung the most -- you try not to read too far into it, but the idea that she doesn't enjoy herself when talking to you nags at your heart.

"Yeah, yeah. For sure." You scratch the back of your neck, awkwardly taking a step away from her door and back into the hallway.

"I'll see you at the get together later though, right?" You ask, kicking yourself when you realize how hopeful you sounded. You have to get better at hiding it.

"Sure," she nods, sending you a smile and little wave before saying goodbye and shutting the door.

Well, that was a bust. Damn. Back to the drawing board, it is -- though your ego will need a few hours to recover.

---

"Lisa, I swear to god, if you come near me with that I'll punt you across this room."

Your very serious, totally-not-exaggerated warning evidently worked against you, because the maknae soon raises her head to look at you, grinning like a maniac. Frosting from the cake she just messily cut into covers her hands, looking threatening as she wiggles them at you.

"I mean in!" You shout as a last resort, slowly backing away. You accidently bump into Jennie in the process, but you fail to realize that it was part of the plan all along: she and Lisa are in cahoots. When the maknae lunges, swiftly striding across the room towards you, you attempt to move out of her path and get somewhere safer. Steady hands on your waist keep you anchored in place, though, and you try to fight them.

"Jennie?! Let me go, she's right there!" You squeal, trying to pry her fingers off of your hips one by one. She merely laughs, whispering a sorry into your ear right before Lisa's hands run across your cheeks and neck. You squirm, leaning further back against Jennie to evade the younger girl as she does her worst.

Now, practically having a face mask of frosting, you step away from the girls and glare at them.

"Bullies, I tell you." You say to Jisoo, groaning when she busts out laughing. It doesn't take a genius to know that you look a mess, and you'd probably laugh at yourself if the roles were reversed. The others soon join in, and a chorus of belly laughs fill the air around you.

"Go ahead, laugh it up," you tell the girls, nodding your head, "Just wait til I get my revenge. I'm coming for you, Manoban." You point a finger at her as you exit the room, grinning when you hear the oooo's that they let out at your threat, and you make your way to the bathroom at the end of the long hallway before you.

On your way back, you hear Rosé's voice filtering in from one of the lounge rooms that branch off of the main corridor. Intrigued, you stop walking and listen in.

Big mistake.

Your ears perk up when you hear your name roll off her tongue, though her subsequent sentences crush your spirits.

"...I know, right? She's honestly so annoying. Like earlier, I was finally getting cozy after our performance and then she just showed up."

Too shocked to leave now, you stay where you are and try not to let her words hurt you too much. She listens to the person on the other end of the line, laughing at something they said. That sound -- one you’ve grown to love more than anything else in the world -- is turning into something you hate. It feels like she's laughing at you; which, in hindsight, she probably is.

"Exactly! She had flowers for me, as if I don't get those almost everyday already, and I guess she really thought that that would win me over. It was sweet but, c'mon, you know?"

Every insecurity you have is nagging at you, and you can't stop the few tears that roll down your cheeks at her brutal honesty. She's really hurting your feelings, and you can't help but want to call her out for it. So, you do just that: you step into the open room, one that lacks an actual door, and say, "Next time you wanna talk shit about someone, maybe you should make sure they're not around to hear it."

Her smile falters slightly, and she spins around to face you. A hint of guilt plays on her features, but you're sure it's only because she got caught -- she definitely meant everything she said.

"Y/N--"

You don't stick around to listen to what she has to say. Her change of behavior surprised you, and you can't trust that she's even sorry for it.

Your pace quickens as you hear her voice become clearer -- she's in the doorway now, calling after you, but you don't even turn around. The salt of your tears greets your tongue, and you're once again reminded to wipe your face as you rush down the hall, rounding a couple corners and darting past countless doors on your way. You just want to get out of this place and be alone.

A new voice slows your strides as it greets your ears, feeling like a security blanket in its gentleness. It's Jennie. "Y/N? Why are you crying?" She came to look for you when you took too long to return from the bathroom.

You're far too embarrassed to look at her, so you simply sniffle and raise a hand up in her direction. "Don't worry about me, Jen. It's not important."

"Hey, yes it is. You're upset and that matters." She steps towards you, saying the words that you had no idea you needed to hear so badly. Your heart aches, still shocked by the fact that Rosé would say such things about you. You thought you were friends, if nothing else, and yet that's never felt further from the truth than it does right now.

When you don't move away, Jennie takes that as a sign to bring you into her arms, cradling your head against her chest. The kind act hurts your heart more for some reason, and you want to pull away. Jennie senses this and decides to rub soothing circles on your back, her warm embrace comforting you as she says, "I don't know what happened, Y/N, but I'm right here. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, either, but please don't leave like this. I hate to see you upset."

Something about the way she's holding you, so close and tenderly, is comforting beyond belief and you can't find the desire to leave anymore.

"Can we at least go to your dressing room? I don't want everyone to see me like this."

"Of course, sweetheart. Come on."

Sweet phrases of reassurance are whispered to you as she leads you away, keeping you safe from prying eyes the entire time. Jisoo appears in the doorway of the party room, raising a concerned brow when she sees the two of you approaching. Jennie shakes her head at the unnie before she can utter a word, giving her a silent answer as she uses her eyes to communicate what's happening. Jisoo eventually understands, and she offers a sympathetic nod when you pass by.

-------

7 Months Later

"Hey Jennie, do you think you can go answer the door? I'd do it myself, but…" Jisoo trails off, glancing down at the bowl of partially mixed dough that sits in front of her on the counter. Her hands continue to knead the mixture as she looks up at the younger girl, subtly sighing in relief when she agrees.

There's more than one reason behind having Jennie be the one to answer it.

The brunette grabs a pen as she pads her way over to the door, ready to sign for a delivery package -- that's usually the only thing they get at the dorm, considering guests are discouraged for the most part. Screw YG and their rules.

Being a bit clumsy, Jennie accidently knocks her phone out of her own hand as she opens the door, muttering out a quiet “shit” as she bends down to retrieve it. Her eyes trail over to the stylish boots that set just a few feet away, and her breath hitches.

"Hi baby." You greet with that healing smile that she's missed so much, peering down at her with a look in your eye that makes her heart trip and stumble over itself.

"Y/N!" She shrieks, jumping up from the ground and right into your arms.

"Uumph--" you let out in surprise, making sure to catch her and prevent her from falling. Ever since you two began dating a few months ago, leaving has become harder and harder. Jennie is beyond thrilled to have you back again, and she tries not to think about the next business trip you'll have to take. It's a methodical rhythm -- a month or two abroad and the same amount back home, then you're left to repeat the cycle over and over. Both of you hate it, and you'd much rather spend all your time with her instead. After all, ever since the incident with Rosé all that time ago, Jennie has steadily worked her way into your heart and become someone you can't live without. You were close before, but you've reached a new level now -- and that's about the only thing you can thank Rosé for. By hurting you and showing you how little she cared, she effectively pushed you right into Jennie's waiting arms.

"I'm so happy you're home." She says with a sigh, truly grateful to have you in her arms again. You wrap your arms tighter around her waist and sway a little bit, both of you content with just holding each other for a while longer. The weather outside is dazzlingly perfect; signs of summer apparent in everything around you. Birds chirp their looping songs as they fly through the air, feeling the sun's gentle heat on their wings all the while.

You move your head enough to be level with hers, bringing her in for a long-overdue kiss. She smiles into it, cupping your cheek with one of her hands as she languidly moves to deepen it.

Rosé should've stayed in her room. She should've ignored her stomach's incessant grumbling for a snack; but she didn't.

She gave in, and now she's stuck, rooted in place as she watches Jennie kiss you, the one that got away. It's like watching a train wreck: she can't look away, and part of her psyche knows she deserves this. The apple in her hands is the only thing working to distract her, and she grips it tightly within her clutch to comfort herself. You look good -- so good -- and Rosé doesn't know whether to be happy or not. She knows she didn't treat you right -- then or ever -- but for some selfish reason that she doesn't dare give voice to, she wants you to still be hurting. She wants you to be suffering like she is now, crying into your pillowcase at night when she crosses your mind. She wants you to miss the good times, though there may not have been enough of them, and she wants you to want her again.

You've turned the tables on her, and she doesn't know how to cope.

She realized what she had once it was gone -- once you were gone, too busy falling in love with Jennie to pay her any mind anymore. She misses how devoted you were to her and how much care you put into everything you did; she misses the consistency that you offered; she misses every sweet thing you ever did for her. Hell, she even misses hearing you ramble and seeing you blush when all she did was smile at you.

But you're gone now, destined to be with her member when all she wants is another chance. She'll never get it, certainly not after everything she's put you through, and she resents herself for treating you so badly. All you ever did was care, and she was too self-centered to give a crap.

She deserves this. She deserves to see you happy with Jennie, happy in a way she could never make you. For you, she deserves to hurt; to silently cry in her room when she hears the two of you on call, laughing about whatever new thing you experienced that day. Because it wasn't just the one instance of pain she inflicted on you; it wasn't just that one night at the performance hall -- it was a steady build up of rejection and half-assed excuses, and even she can't blame you for getting tired of it. She wishes she hadn't been so stupid to deny you.

What's worse is that she's actually fallen for you now; she imagines what could've been, what would've been, had she given you an honest chance. She's never tried to deny how gorgeous you are -- that's a given -- but now you're bruisingly beautiful, shining with the happiness that Jennie's worked hard to instill in you again. Shining with the love you hold for that 5'4" angel.

Maybe, if circumstances were different, you'd be in Rosé's arms right now. Perhaps in another life.

---

"Do you want to come in? Jisoo's working on some dessert for the lunch we just made. We can heat you up a plate in the meantime…" Jennie trails off, hoping to persuade you. She knows it's risky, considering the tension that feels almost tangible anytime the three of you are together, but she doesn't want to let you go so soon.

"I don't know…" The uncertainty in your voice is clear, and Jennie watches as a slight grimace crosses your features when you look past her and into the dorm. Luckily Rosé had already found the will power to move to the dining room, so you're spared from seeing her just yet.

"If things get weird or uncomfy we'll leave, okay? I promise." She says, knowing she's convinced you once you give her a little nod.

"Okay. But I'm only doing this because I missed Jisoo's cooking." A playful glint shimmers in your eye as you quirk your head to the side, teasing her.

"Hey!" She groans, pushing your shoulder as the two of you walk down the little concrete path that leads to the front door. "I'm kidding! I missed Lisa's jokes, too."

You laugh at the gasp she lets out, and you make sure to turn around and press a kiss to her temple to stop her from pouting.

"So, Y/N, where did you go this time?" Jisoo asks, leaning against the marble island of the kitchen as she pops a piece of tanghulu in her mouth. The crack of the sugary coating pulls your attention away from Rosé, where it had momentarily been -- she looks awful. Bags rest underneath her eyes, her normally vibrant features crestfallen now as her gaze scans across the food on her plate.

You look at Jisoo as you answer her. "The states. We worked with some local companies and small businesses to get more promotional material out in front of people. It's actually pretty amazing, guys -- you're blowing up over there. They love you." The girls smile at your words, feeling a sense of accomplishment swell within themselves. Back when they were trainees they never imagined that they'd end up this far, and yet here they are, seeing their dreams come true, day after day.

You're just happy to be along for the ride. It's not easy by any means -- people often crack under the pressure and get discouraged by the hustle and bustle of everything that such a major operation entails -- but you've never been more thankful for a position in your life.

"As they should," Lisa smirks, looking self-assured with the little cocky motion she does. You almost choke on the piece of food you just stuffed in your mouth, laughing at how ridiculous she looks.

After successfully not dying, you look at her and shake your head. "Lisa, what is wrong with you?" She puts on her infamous meme face, pretending to be shocked by your question, and you cackle again. The sound makes Rosé jealous; she wishes she were the one making you laugh like that.

Another hour or so passes with the 5 of you just relaxing and snacking together at the table, taking turns trading stories and jokes in the meantime. After finishing your dessert and complimenting the unnie's cooking skills, you make your way towards the kitchen with a groan of, "I'm so full" thrown over your shoulder.

You begin washing the dishes, finding it only fitting seeing as they spent all that time preparing such a good meal. It's the least you can do. A smile tugs at your cheeks when you hear the door open, followed by light footfalls against the hardwood. Jennie.

Warm arms snake around your waist as she hugs you from behind, resting her cheek against your back. Your brows furrow when you notice an unusual thing -- either Jennie grew a few inches in the last 5 minutes, or someone else is holding you. Their cheek reaches a place Jennie isn't tall enough to, and it all hits you.

It's Rosé.

You go to shut the water off and step away, but the sounds of her quiet sniffles give you pause. "Please don't." She whispers into your shirt, bunching the material up within her fingers against your stomach. A pang of sadness pulls against your heart strings, the long forgotten feeling reignited by the waver in her voice. "Rosé," you start with a sigh, ready to launch into the practiced speech of how happy you are with Jennie now and how you've moved on. She tugs at your shirt, slowly turning you around, and you can't find it in yourself to break her heart even further in this moment. Her eyes are filled with what tears have yet to stream down her face, brimming with the salty liquid you hate to see.

Even after everything, you can't stand to see her cry.

So, perhaps stupidly, you allow her to lean forward and rest her head against your chest; you let her fall into your arms, sinking into the embrace she never intended to miss so much.

It was innocent. Completely, utterly innocent, but Rosé couldn't stop herself -- not when you were there again, right in front of her, looking so good it hurt. She wrapped her arms around your neck, pushing her lips against yours in a kiss you weren't prepared for at all. Her mouth moved quickly against yours, knowing you'd be shoving her away at any moment. But she was okay with being selfish again -- she needed you then, and you allowed her to keep kissing you until you realized what was happening.

As you go to stumble away and put distance between the two of you, the door once again opens; only this time, it's actually Jennie. Her eyes immediately dart between the two of you as she notices how Rosie's hands are still holding you close, both of your lips swollen from the kiss. All at once you realize how the situation must look, and you begin panicking. You knew this was a bad idea from the start.

"Jennie, no. I promise this isn't what you think." You shake your head, finally freeing yourself of Rosé's grip as you take a couple steps towards your girlfriend. She takes an equal amount back, scoffing lightly at the memory of the scene she just witnessed.

"Yeah, okay," she says, sounding anything but convinced as she makes her way towards the door. You go after her, but she holds a hand up -- after knowing her for so long, you've learned that that signal means to give her some time alone. Both of you know you'll go after her again later, but she needs some time right now. As she leaves the dorm, the heavy sound of the door shutting is the only noise that cuts through the palpable tension.

"How could you do that?" You ask, voice small, not even turning around to look at Rosé. You doubt that she's even sorry.

She isn't sorry. At least, not for kissing you. It felt good to have you like that, and she doesn't regret it. However, from what angle of your face your side profile offers to her, she can see how upset you are. That's what makes her feel the slightest bit guilty for her timing.

"I spent so much time trying to get you to notice me, and now you choose to do that? You're unbelievable, Roseanne-- I'm finally happy, and what, you want to ruin that?” She takes the blows as they come, staying quiet. “If you've ever cared about me at all then you'll stay away." You set your jaw, willing the tears to go away. You've wasted too many on her, and you'll be damned to look weak right now.

"Y/N, I-"

"No. Don't apologize when we both know you don't mean it. You've always been selfish, Rosé." You bite back, not caring if the words cut her down like her old ones always used to do to you. Earlier, before her little stunt, you were starting to feel sorry for her; clearly though, that was yet another mistake on your part.

You leave without another word, praying that she doesn't further complicate the situation by following after you. Jennie is the only thing on your mind as you hop in your car, having an idea of where she might be.

"Jennie, no. I promise this isn't what you think."

Your worried voice replays in her mind for the millionth time, further tormenting her. She's been cheated on before, so that phrase isn't a new thing to her.

She was always afraid this would happen. She used to lay awake at night, overthinking as usual, wondering when the beautiful thing the two of you created would ultimately come crashing down. It was too good to be true, and she curses herself for foolishly believing any different.

The better part of an hour passes by as she sits on the park bench, reminiscing on all the memories you've made here. The idea of ending things with you and starting over with someone else sinks in, and she hates the feeling. She only wants you -- she's only ever wanted you -- and the thought that things could really be over now hurts her more than she cares to admit.

Your eyes scan across the park, ghosting over the playground equipment until they zero in on her, sitting near the fountain that you shared your first kiss. Such a sap, you smile bittersweetly.

You ruffle through the plastic bag that sits in the passenger's seat, moving the receipt out of the way so that you can pick up what you're really after. Returning your hands to the steering wheel, you grip it while giving yourself a little pep talk before exiting the car. You press a kiss to the present in your hand for good luck, hoping this encounter will go well.

Water spouts from the top of the fountain, the sound growing louder the closer you get to Jennie. Her back is turned to you, and for that you're thankful -- you're not quite prepared to see how she'll be looking at you. Now just a few feet away, you say, "Marry me."

You’ll do whatever it takes to show her how crazy you are about her.

Her head whips around, completely taken aback by your proposal. She thinks that there's no way you're serious, but when she looks down to find her favorite flavor of ring pop in your hand, her eyes widen. You're sick of wasting time, and seeing that she hasn't yelled at you or turned you away yet, you take advantage of the situation.

"Marry me, Jennie," you repeat, taking small, careful steps towards her until you're right next to the bench. "She kissed me, but I tried to push her away. I told her that you're the only one for me."

She blinks, taking in your words as she notices you nervously toy with the plastic wrapper of the candy. She knows you're telling the truth; you're a terrible liar, and you wouldn't be here right now if you didn't want her back. If you wanted to choose Rosé over her, you had the perfect opportunity to do so back at the dorm.

But you don't; you want Jennie, and now you're standing in the middle of your favorite park, proposing with a piece of candy to prove that to her. The things you do for love.

"It just scared me, Y/N. Seeing her wrapped around you like that--"

"I know, baby. I know. But I promise I didn't want it, and it meant nothing to me. I'm so in love with you, Jennie Kim."

She smiles at the dopey grin on your face, seeing how smitten you are.

"Okay," she answers back, yet again looking at your hands.

"Is that a yes?" You ask, slowly beginning to tear open the wrapper.

"Yes, dummy. I'll marry you." She declares, nodding her head with a laugh at how slow you are sometimes.

"Yay!" You shout, stepping forward to pick her up in your arms. You set her back down with a smile, slipping the ring onto her finger as your heart soars.

Jennie kisses you, letting the action convey all the emotions she's been through in the past few hours. "I love you." She sighs, resting her forehead against yours.

"I'd surely hope so, jagi," you smirk against her lips, giggling at the squeal she lets out when you playfully pinch her side. Her kisses are replacing all traces of Rosé, and she's comforted by the fact that you'll so adamantly choose her, everyday.

With a smile, Jennie realizes something: never again will she be forced to dream of having you in another life -- her wishes came true, and now she'll have you in this one, always.

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