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#vent post so mind the tags here
tekra-brings-the-rain · 3 months
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I keep thinking about Nex. They should’ve lived. They should be home with their family right now.
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2hoothoots · 11 months
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i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:
Restore Ford Cruller's memory
Find Maligula
???
Profit
but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.
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[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]
like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.
...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:
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[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]
and that's kind of interesting, right?
to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:
"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"
my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.
so what is going on here?
in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:
"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."
other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.
the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.
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[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]
i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!
we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.
like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.
i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.
#psychonauts#psychonauts 2#bored waiting at the airport so you get more psychonauts meta from me#the delugionists have been on my mind recently (because i Might Just have an upcoming au lorepost about them and also cults are fun)#so tossing my thoughts up here because people seemed to like the last few times i did this#and also it's my blog and i like to talk :)#related vent i HATE drafting posts in the tumblr editor because if you hit crtl+z to try and undo a formatting change#it deletes like half the post you just typed out#(yes i did it again while i was writing this. yes i'm still salty. why do i even bother)#what else... this is just becoming a disconnected thoughts dump#but if you've seen my posts you knew what you were signing up for when you hit the button to expand the post tags#there's new art coming hopefully this weekend if i can get it finished! it's more mermaid au designs#i'm two and a half weeks late for mermay but it turns out starting a new job and moving house doesn't leave you with a ton of free time#but that's okay it's never too late for mermaids#omg and artfight's coming up next month too! geez#i gotta make refsheets for the fsau trio because i would LOVE to get art of them#and this year i don't have a thesis to crunch on so i might actually have time to participate#oh and then in august i'm having top surgery! will make a proper announcement post for it at some point#i say 'announcement'. it's just a life update but it's nice to share#i'm super excited about it :)#i might end up blogging the process and recovery but obviously it won't be going here lol. i'd put it on my main#idk if anyone would find it useful but when i first started looking into surgery i had like very little idea about the whole process#and it's only through joining a bunch of online support/discussion groups that i managed to find more info and resources#so hey it might be useful to share? we'll see#our flight doesn't land for another fifty minutes so now i'm just writing in the tags because i'm bored#alright i'll proofread this and then post it when i land and have signal again. peace out yall hope your pride month is going well
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sketchy-tour · 2 months
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Happy Easter if yall celebrate it!!!!! Otherwise I hope yall have an absolutely fantastic Sunday!!!!
Aaaa I feel like I'm not as chatty as I once was on here. Been a bit all over the place! Also feel silly making a ton of text posts with no art so I try and limit how often I blab on here.
But just know I still appreciate all of you who follow and like my art! Every bit of interaction I still see and it still baffles me to see such kind words. It means the absolute world to me!!!! 💖💖🌻
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moe-broey · 1 month
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Textpost redraw that only works in a modern setting, so. I gave them silly outfits (and a little bit of lore!)
Some zoom ins on the illusts!
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And Lore
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Moe is like. A SHUT-IN shut-in. So in any modern setting that isn't "Hey wanna visit my hometown for a sec (events so far have followed canon at least loosely)", it would have to meet Alfonse under Extremely Specific Circumstances.
And finally! Textpost under cut!
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#fire emblem#feh#I PUT. SO MUCH LOVE INTO THIS ACTUALLY IT'S INSANE. ESP FOR A TEXTPOST REDRAW LMFAOOO#the vision was so clear to me though. the vibe of the post (struggling). a catastrophic fall from grace.#the idea of alfonse venting about almost losing a social interaction. a performance slipping.#a setting where he isn't performing at all now. there is nothing to perform here bc moe. well.#also the visual. i am imagining a very specific nostalgic shitass swingset in my mind.#one that doesn't exist anymore actually bc they rebuilt it (probably for the best.) but that thing#would leave rust on your hands and arms and leave your ass blue. it sucked but it was awesome#the rust marks don't show up as clearly here unfortunately LMFAO so i had to point em out.#ALSO. I AM ACTUALLY SO INSANE ABOUT THEIR OUTFITS ACTUALLY. bc BOTH of them are hiding#alfonse is trying to blend in. pass as normal. moe is trying to distract you. but also desperately trying to communicate Something.#like do you wanna be seen or not little buddy (the answer is Yes.)#back to alfonse like if not 'normal' then at least 'put together'. will suffice. i think he's also beginning to loosen up here too tho#like. so at the beginning of it that he isn't Really LMFAOO but. he painted his nails black. just to try it.#it was also so fun to freehand the patterns... camo and argyle (the socks) (hardly noticeable but that's the intent!)#'beginning to loosen up' actually i think he's just starting to fall apart.#fe alfonse#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics
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bogchampion · 15 days
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something about autism and depression and brains that attack you, but so poorly executed it won't really resonate, so whatever.
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crabussy · 1 year
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I want to take a bite out of someone's arm but I'm too shy
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x-adoringvoid-x · 2 days
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Apparently that's called the 'irresistible force paradox'
#oc f/o#f/o art#fictional other#self shipping#self insert#oc#original character#they're patient with me#also I finally draw Hadri with a different form!#I want to do more with their shape shifting but I haven't made much that turns out well#small vent in tags upcoming if you don't want to read#Feeling bad about posting but I shouldn't just give up#In some way social media isn't for me because I take things too personally#but if I'm going to meet people I have some common ground with I don't know where else I'd look#common ground with something that means something to me#I want to meet people that don't suck to talk to#And actively have things they want to talk to me about that we're both interested in#Tired of being just ears.#I'm talking about my family here not anyone on the site btw#I just wish there were people who wanted to talk in the same way I want to talk#same level of energy I guess#Sorry to vent in silly drawings but it is what it is#Fun fact if you read this far...Hadri would like Evangelion#I don't know why that came to mind today but it makes total sense#They're a deity-like person so religion is interesting and they'd be drawn in by the drama#I honestly don't know how they'd examine media since their setting is basically medieval so Hadri's never really watched anything#Maybe a play?#I'd be nice to know what Hadri would think of things I like#But my tastes are very colorful... watched Ind/go Park for example and have it stuck in my head now#Popp/ playtime and Ind/go Park seem to both be going for fnaf Portal and I am feeling something
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frozenhi-chews · 1 month
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illumiera · 1 month
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sewed again for the first time since last summer and it felt like taking a little breath of fresh air
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shirogane-oushirou · 2 months
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having a no good very bad health day so i've decided my trainersona DOES in fact have a lugia on standby. as a treat. bc fuck you. 💖
current loose trainersona idea + some art:
they did in fact get through most of the johto league, went hog wild, burned out a bit after all of the Commotion around catching lugia (need to brush up on this, my memory is fuzzy, but i'm firmly in the "there are a bunch of legendaries they're just reclusive and hard to catch" camp so they're not like. taking The One And Only Lugia lol.), took a break to travel for college in kalos, got into a poison sting accident w a nidorino / nidorina while traveling near geosenge (and was saved by wild-but-eventually-partner sawk), and re-joined with their family who had either moved to coumarine in kalos OR wedgehurst in galar.
(i'm planning a swsh replay as ren once i'm done with x so i can compare the Vibes of the two places. also so i can dress him up HEHE.)
they officially retired their league challenge on the basis of permanent damage sustained from the attack. even if they could have somehow physically managed victory road, the brain fog made on-the-fly strategizing basically impossible.
if in coumarine: they're usually either in their family's home at the top of the cliffs, or they've ridden their scolipede down to the harbor to draw.
if in wedgehurst: they're either in their family's home on the outer edge of the town, or they've ridden scolipede to the lake at the end of route 2 to draw. basically "place with fresh air where they can ride their bug horsey to a body of water to draw some landscapes".
undecided if they do streaming on the side or not. after their intense league challenge and their accident they've become a little snippier... a little deadpan snark. but they aren't good at relaying sarcasm, and they DO have good jokes but it takes a while for them to form, so the quick-on-their-feet "sarcastic snarker" jokey archetype of streamer wouldn't work for them -- they just come off as mean unintentionally. and they can't be peppy or actively entertaining or anything. maybe they just stream to an audience of a couple of friends and the occasional stray chatter who finds their stream on accident.
hennywaise! all this to say. i want to ride my bug horsie and fly on my big-hands birdy and sit on the shoulders of my punch guy. i wanna ride a funny little Guy to local towns for a day without it being a whole Ordeal.
i want to be on a date with ren, when it's getting late, and he's like "oh shit how are we gonna get you home safely if the sun's already going down?? dangerous pokemon might be around!!!" i turn to him and say, "oh don't worry about me, i have a safe way home. =v= " i pull out a pokeball, toss it behind me, and out comes a giant shadow of a legendary bird with frightening glowing eyes.
and then i turn to it and its form settles into a big cuddly Wet Bird with Big Hugging Hands and i bunt my head into his head and scritch his chin. ren's on the ground, thoroughly spooked, bc Um Why Does My Frail Partner(???) Have A Legendary Bird In Their Back Pocket Like It's Nothing?? Who Are They Actually?????? and i can turn around and casually smile and reach out to him like "want a ride?" while he's still having a Moment.
like this:
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....... i didn't mean for this to turn into a mini illust, i was just gonna scribble a little bit, but i mean... hey. neat. teehee. i might post this separately once i have everything figured out. who knows. shrug.
ALSO: working on back-tagging for poke!ren and poke!ro, so once that's done and i'm 10000% sure i want to stick with those tags, i'll make a post with a few tags for potential blacklisting.
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helianskies · 22 days
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ugly maths.
i hate maths, right. i don't usually like numbers, and if i do like numbers it's gotta be an 8 or a 48 and nothing else.
thing is, i've recently caught myself doing maths again. ugly maths. the kind of maths that, really, i've been trying to avoid as much as possible because, well, it's ugly!
you... wanna see?
okay, fine... but don't say i didn't warn you!
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ugly, see? look at all those numbers! not a 48 in sight!
huh? what's that? you don't see what i'm on about? oh... oh! hang on, lemme just—
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better? yes? no? no? okay, what if i—
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mmh, yes. ugly numbers. see it now? can you see why they're ugly?
here, i can make it worse.
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these numbers are ugly. the maths they make me do is ugly.
now i'll level with you: the worst ones by far are the yellow numbers. the maths they make me do it the ugliest.
why ugly?
because it makes me ugly.
those numbers turn me into not only a suddenly number-obsessed fool, but a fool who also cannot understand these numbers and what they mean and why i feel like they reflect on me and my ability.
87, 75.
the thoughts are as follows:
• the orange numbers are big, so why are you being ugly about the yellow ones? you should be happy with what you have. so many nice big numbers! not everyone receives that.
• is it that there are two different audiences for these two different fics? perhaps. they are quite different works, with different appeals, and different themes. maybe you are reading too much into it.
• why are you obsessing over numbers anyway? you don't like maths! you left maths behind when you were 16, put it down!
okay, okay, fine! i'll put the maths down. right here, in fact!:
that 87 was an 83 at the start of the year. the 6161 it is attached to was a 5453.
4, 708.
ugly maths.
the 75 is a nice number. in fact, compared to 87, it is beautiful, radiant, enchanting. at the start of the year, 75 was 48. wow. now that is one sexy number!
27.
mmmm.
6161, 1061.
5100.
87, 75.
12.
mmmm.
you know, my most favourite comment left recently on a fic of mine was 2 characters long: :(
it made me :)
well, actually, it made me >:) because it was left in response, presumably, to one of the key scenes in a new chapter which left the exact impression on someone that i hoped it would.
they must be the only one who reacted like that, though.
1.
have i mentioned that that 87 and 75 include author responses?
i won't try to do more maths, there. it might not end well for me. the maths is making me tired enough as it is, and i have an early start tomorrow.
oh! but, that being said, i have another set of ugly numbers to show you, so keep 87 and 75 in mind.
ready?
838, 245.
(want a hint? the green numbers!)
838, 87. 245, 75.
9.6, 3.3.
ugly maths. it's ugly again, see? i don't like it. i'm seeing numbers within numbers within numbers, and i can't seem to stop!
the numbers make me ask new questions:
• why is it not good enough?
• people seem to engage more with one fic over the other, so shouldn't you prioritise?
• is all this maths this really good for you?
no, it isn't.
i want to avoid ugly maths. ugly maths makes me want to tear my hair out. it makes me want to start from scratch. it makes me want to grab someone and scream. it makes me want to cry and press a button that has tempted me many times before when the numbers become too ugly to bear.
ugly maths turn me into an ugly person.
ugly maths make me obsessive, paranoid, anxious, regretful, vindictive, spiteful, alone.
i hate maths. i hate numbers, just like, it feels, the numbers hate me.
#helia rants#cw vent#i'm okay but i'm not#this has been playing on my mind over the last couple of weeks#it's aimed at the sky rather than anyone here#i know i'm not the best myself as commenting. i justify it to myself by affirming i don't read much. which i don't.#since the start of the year i have tried to comment on everything i have read#bearing in mind i may also dm someone rather than comment because i want to scream and ramble about their fic more personally#that being said. i know i'm not the only one who finds themselves doing ugly maths#and in turn starting to feel uglier too#i don't like looking at the numbers#i was doing well at the start of the year#but as i open my drafts and look to a new chapter and at the notes i wrote#i can't stop myself from opening the fic. from seeing where it's at. from seeing if it's changed. from checking my inbox to see if...#if only...#what it's meant is that i've come to a point where a fic i loved has become exactly that: a fic i loved. past tense#the other fic is still a fic i love. but i know deep down that that is tied to the numbers too#i hate that this is what i've become#because i have tiny fics. fics with 50 hits and maybe 1 comment. and i love them. i still love them#but when it comes to the big ones. the multi-chapters. the hefty fics. after a point all i see are numbers#and those numbers have come to determine both my happiness and fulfilment as a writer#and so i am ugly. i am sad. i am pathetic.#and i don't know how to stop.#helia's stuff#this was meant to save back into my drafts. i was editing tags. tumblr decided it should post. so... so be it.#also this is not an attention thing if anyone dares go 'oh but you're a good writer uwu' i might do something we'll all regret#this is also not a 'ffs comment on my fics will you 😒' hell no#it's just about me. and my issue. and my unhealthy relationship with these fucking numbers.#gotta get this shit out of my head somehow :)
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mishapen-dear · 6 months
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I read that same fic earlier and I just straight up muted the person so their works don't show up for me anymore lmao
there was also another one like that posted yesterday because the person was mad at something qBad did a couple of days ago while not at all in his right mind and amnesiac, it was odd (not shitting on the person just confused and slightly concerned)
yeah there’s. a lot of misconceptions around qbad rn lmao. It’s one of the reasons Im so obnoxious about him, tbh, so that it’s not JUST the negativity that gets spread. He’s a really good target for the hate rn, because he has a smaller fanbase and his pvp playstyle + lore lead him to all that antagonizing during purgatory, and that gets vented out into fics.
It’s genuinely really interesting, the dichotomy that seems to exist between tumblr and twitter regarding him. Ive heard nothing but slander about bbh from twitter (again, he is not faking his illness, that is a lie), but he’s got a solid enough foothold on tumblr that ive seen more hate towards the fans that the cc, here. which makes sense, given how we take over the tag almost ever day when he logs on. genuine o7 to people who find that obnoxious but thats one of the reasons i overtag so much, for blocking purposes.
anyway i think all the bbh mischaracterization means that we just need to write about him more >:D please this is a call for more bbh centric fics from people who do not hate him/know a little bit about his lore. blease he’s such a fun pov to write i promise
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gabbi-the-grackle · 2 months
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Sad, high, and playing overwatch................ it's garbage day babes
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deus-ex-mona · 1 year
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mfw someone i’m mutually blocked with seems to frequent this blog anyway (you know who you are)
#i’m not gonna name names but if the text in the tags managed to bring someone to mind then… that’s just how it is ig#though don’t send this to the person you think of ok? we may be thinking of different people after all soooooo yeah#let’s all stay clear out of trouble together… maybe~? i’m just gonna vent my confused frustrations in the tags in case the person sees this#seriously. haven’t i gone over this before? don’t we block each other for a reason?#you blocked me first (prolly) bc i ship lxl with each other. i blocked you in return (and bc i hate your ship just like you don’t like mine)#so… let’s just agree to stay off each other’s blogs. capisce?#i don’t like you and i know you don’t like me either. so seriously can we just coexist in separate circles or sth? stay away!!!!!!!!!!!#and like real question: if you are somehow here… why? just why? you made it clear that you don’t trust my tls so… why are you even here??#it’s getting kinda irritating to be told that you may/may not be making indirect posts @ me on main. seriously!!!!!!#i’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt (that it may be just a small coincidence) but it’s getting real hard to do so these days#so if you’re somehow reading these tags (and idk how bc we’re mutually blocked remember) please just… stay away?????????#in all seriousness i sincerely hope that this was just a few mere coincidences#bc lbr who would willingly check the blogs of people they’ve blocked without being prompted to? it makes no sense whatsoever#i hope that this will be the last post i make about this. bc seriouslyyyyyyy i don’t have the time for this nonsense </3#and before you accuse me of wanting to start discourse i’m not!!! i just!!!! want to be left alone!!!!!!!!!!!!#let me shitpost and occasionally tl in peace pls my bones are too aged for this
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mellowthorn · 11 months
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what a rough day.
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surreal-duck · 2 years
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letting me live alone was a bad idea i think
#duck rants about something#i mean its not like i particularly mind most of the time. sure chores are a hassle and i am the Worst at keeping myself alive but#im getting better! probably#<- they forgot to eat dinner#putting this on here because like hell am i risking my sister see this#strangely enough i was fine at first at having to move here by myself for school#sure i did miss my family but i could call them anytime and stuff so i wasnt too affected on that end at the time#but wow after like nearly a year of this. i really do miss them#i miss my parents' food. i want to watch cartoons with my little siblings again. i want to throw hands with my sister#ive tried to make my room feel more like home bit by bit and ig it works most of the time#dunno something a little depressing about coming home to a mostly empty room void of other humans to interact with#as embarrassing as it is to admit. im really looking forward to seeing them again in december#i dont really like the town my family's moved to but honestly. ill stomach it if it means ill get to see them again#damn i am just going through a whole range of emotions today arent i#does anyone read these. i hope not is there anything more pathetic than venting in the tags of a tumblr post whwjskdgkjksdgh#my mental health has been on the decline for a while now. was very aware of that but Wow this year was absolutely horrific#i wonder if ive ever really put myself or the things i wanted first without having to be overly considerate of everyone else#so being thrown into a situation to fend for myself and only myself was. kind of jarring#i Know i have a problem w opening up i Know that i tend to make sure others are feeling better and disregard my own feelings in the process#and i have so much trouble asking for help that i end up bottling everything up and reaping the consequences of my actions#damn it.#wheres that post about never trusting your thoughts past 9 pm (it is 8 pm)
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