#vague mentiones of child abuse

[14dayswithyou]

I don't understand why didn't Rendacted approach our MC sooner? Like if he'd been obsessed with them for MORE THAN A DECADE(?like since the ring incident?) he could as well just try to befriend them or ask them out many many times earlier.... What made him go "THATS IT! I'LL FINALLY ASK THEM OUT!! TODAY!!!"?

✦゜ANSWERED: I've explained this before, but Ren had an extremely horrible childhood growing up, and formed an inferiority complex because of his father >.< After the ring incident, he didn't feel adequate enough to approach Angel again for a long while.

I've also mentioned before that Ren has tried multiple times to talk to Angel throughout his life, but none of his personas were perfect enough to really stand out to them. His Haruko persona was the first time Angel actually noticed him and paid full attention.

Also! It's just a silly lil fantasy game, so sometimes you don't need logic lmao

#💌 — answered. #💖 — about ren. #💖 — 14 days with queue. #💜 — canon. #Also! It doesn't go into any detail; but just to be safe... Vague mentions of: #cw child neglect #cw child abuse

[eclaire-went-bam]

i'm THIS close to just making my pronouns he/it, or just it/its, bcs istg ppl see "prefers it/it but also ok with he/they" & think it's a good excuse to not call me by my "weird" pronouns

people hardly ever use "he" either, bcs i don't pass

like. it/it's my preferred pronouns. he/they is tolerable but over time i'm just going to get annoyed. wait till they hear abt my super secret neopronouns

#a lot of my close friends/ep do refer to be as he/it with more of an emphasis on “it” so that's nice #but a lot of my more casual relationships just stick with they/them. even if they're also lgbtqia+ or genderqueer #at first i was fine with they/them but now its wayyy too ;; eugh #basically everyone 40+ i meet irl will be disgusted if i wanna be called an it or just stick to they/them #istg they/them are the standard nb pronouns that make *some* allies be more comfortable with nbs. if it's anyth other than th #**they/them they get uncomfortable #every time #the number of people i've had lecture me abt why wanting to be called an “it” is bad should be illegal #once someone referenced a book abt child abuse as the reason they won't call me it #cw child abuse mention #once someone compared it to the treatment of the victims of the holocaust #cw genocide mention #LIKE WHAT #eughhh #they/them is highkey starting to make me dysphoric bcs i know the ppl who exclus call me that #just view me as some vaguely nb-identifying girl #i can't wait to get top surgery !!! #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ #transgender #trans #nonbinary #agender #genderless #genderfree #it/its #he/it #neopronouns

[katyspersonal]

Absurd how my biological father was so negligent about my general existence that mom had to divorce him for this same reason (it was like life-threatening). It was my very early years iirc. Like, according to my mom, he dipped out as soon as he learned he had a girl and not a boy xd

Then my first stepdad so obviously wanted a son that he kept deliberately rooting out any and all femininity out of me - hobbies, toys, clothes, etc. He kept taking me for fishing, tried to teach me how cars worked, often pulled me together with him to watch sports like soccer, groaned and got passive-aggressive when I wanted a doll or to watch a princess movie, encouraged me to dress like a goddamn mine worker etc xd It was my age from 3 to 8, until mom HAD to divorce this one and pick up that prick..

And then my second stepdad caused types of abuse that will demonetize me upon mentioning, but on more "tame" scale he on the other hand was so aggressively insistent of me being a """real""" girl/woman. Like I swear he was policing every single hobby, speech pattern or look when it was not feminine, he would police even every single feeling I had because "but a woman should this" "a woman should that" etc. Trying to raise me to be a model housewife. As a result, I developed revoltion for cooking, doing make-up, putting even minimal care in my looks and being rude, blunt and physically incapable of being polite or gentle. And I swear I still see red when anyone as much as mentions me being motherly / mother in the future @_@ That lasted right until my adulthood (8-18)

I just think in retrospective it is funny how I got all types of father-figure-inflicted abuse like goddamn pok3mon gym badges hfjjygh All because I had to get the short end of being a part of sexually dymorphic species huh. -_- Was it so hard to be born a snail or something 🐌 But in retrospective, this might explain a lot about why I abhor gender roles, obsession with gender presentation and gatekeeping/controlling masculinity and femininity so much (it applies to both queer communities and conservatives because people do be weird and keep building their own limitations no matter the ideology smh). It is like I got "trained" to have a common sense by effect. 🤔 Like, usually someone experiences only one of these sorts of mistreatments (or none). And I just got to try everything xD

It also explains why I grew up to be a cute-looking woman wearing a dress and a cute flower pin and loving cute things but behaving like an absolute filthy gremlin type of a troublemaker boy that also curses like sailor hfhhhvj I am like, opposite of what was inflicted on me 😎👍

#personal #tw: child abuse #(sort of? idk i am too vague but it lowkeu counts as such) #tw: child neglect #/abuse mention #memories #i really miss the first stepdad though

[mattodore]

the echthroi protagonists on the set of barbie

#river dipping #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #echthroi #oc extras #i didn't feel like doing any of my other ocs bc there just aren't enough colors for the full lot (but still missing three lmao) but okay so #imani: this barbie is living in a plastic house #romeo: this ken is collecting roses #sehyuk: this ken is carving his name in flesh #dutchie: this ken is circling the drain #alessandria: this doll is tending to too many wounds #delphi: this barbie is stomaching bone #dionte: this ken is digging claws into dirt #nicholas: this ken is fading in and out of the light #............................... romeo fr the only oc in here having a good time i'm gkjfdhnfjghndfkjghn #!! cw for vague mentions of abuse and drugs and like... a lot trauma in these tags past this point bc i'm talking abt my ocs !! #we got fuckin uhhhhhh neglected child aching for affection grows up craving any kind of touch even a welt abusing substances and himself #vs. barely there boy nearly human enough for love but missing the mark and growing up detached wild too apart from anything to feel alive #vs. eldest daughter discarded for only son unable to break free from kinship and find herself and a life apart from the plastic #vs. murderer drug dealer crime lord born to a cold family then sent away and abandoned out of shame #vs. recovering catholic suffering guilt and violent urges toeing the line of morality and seeking acceptance #vs. werewolf never meant to lead suddenly having their entire family ripped from them and struggling with power and isolation and grief #vs. woman who spent her whole life being used and hurt and silenced growing claws and teeth to strike back and maim and feast #vs. lost boy in a foreign land mourning the loss of his mother has humanity ripped from him and is forever altered from failed shifting #vs. protective volatile arsonist orphan older brother figure whose entire story arc is [redacted] #vs..................... romeo the hopeless romantic like it's kjdnhkjfnghk #maybe it's just bc romeo is a new oc and i haven't had the time to really sink into him but i kinda like that about him #dutchie was originally supposed to be the untouched by history oc but then i made him catholic and well. that turned around pretty quickly #i fully blame his pinterest board for that like you add one cross image in a board and suddenly every pin you get recommended after is like #hey what if you fucked this guy up a bit? and who was i to argue with that? ...................also i just reached tag limit LMAOOOOOOOO

[toringo]

I love to headcanon Williams parents as an almost stereotypical dysfunctional family. His mother was the quiet house wife afraid of her own husband and the father was never home but abusive when he was. William learned very early on to put up a front and act like everything is ok, to mask and hide his true self. He had to endure so much pain and suffering, and instead of becoming a better father to his kids he finds it hard to fully sympathize with them. Even if he cares for his kids he’s the type to say “I had a harder life then you do so be grateful”

You get it!

Personally I headcanon William's mother to be the type who sees abuse and keeps quiet while also shaming him for even doing anything "worthy" of being punished. She came from a wealthy family and keeps strict discipline in the house. His father is an ex soldier who, post war, has a successful business. He is mostly harsh, distant and verbally abusive, since I hc Will to be trans, but isn't afraid to punish him physically if he deems it necessary.

William, in my HCs, grows up quiet and friendless and smart enough not to fight against his parents.

At one point he does something so out of line by their standards, that he gets punished in quite a cruel way.

Basically in the story he comes out to someone he considers a close friend (only one) but rumours spread and he, uh, beats the shit out of her publicly. Thus, he's expelled and continues his education at home, not really able to get out due to his parents' paranoia over people finding out that he's queer.

The vision of being sent to a psychiatric ward of being lobotomised (it's the 50s babey) is looming over him keeping him quiet and obedient while also trying to cook up a plan of escape. He basically grows up to be a cold calculated man, quite emotionally stunted, who will say anything to anyone if it betters his situation.

He also gets his mother's strict kind of coldness that he can never quite shake.

Generational trauma goes wild in the Aftons.

Turning their lives into a telenovela

#child abuse tw #child abuse mention #child neglect #ableism mention #vaguely #transphobia mention

[trainerbymoonlight]

🦕- The muse talks about their very first pokemon

man, apollo. my sweet lil guy. where do i even start with him? i can already tell this is gonna be a long post, i tend to get sappy when i talk about him- and how could i not? he’s been my partner pokémon for nine years of my life.

(i guess, uh.. cw for vague references to past injury to a child?)

[photo of what looks to be a very young Floris in a lab, smiling at the camera as they hold a small Torchic in their arms, which is gripping onto their t-shirt with its tiny claws and glaring in displeasure at whoever’s behind the camera.]

this was taken right after i got him! the story behind him being my pick was.. untraditional, really. accidental. he wasn’t the starter torchic that was supposed to be one of my options, actually, since our local professor thought his nature being too opinionated and high-maintenance wouldn’t be optimal for a beginner Trainer- especially not me, who hadn’t even turned ten yet.

he tried to convince me to choose another, much more suitable torchic for my age back at the lab, but when he tried to pry apollo off of me, he bit the shit out of the professor’s hand and screeched his little head off! totally refused to let me go, and i really didn’t mind, so i decided on keeping him.

you’d probably assume he’s all serious and battle-focused, but he’s still just as much if not more of a cuddlebug as he was when he was a baby, just bigger, stronger, and able to hold me hostage (/j) now lol

[more recent selfie of the Champion, face halfway in frame, wrapped in a tight hold by a big, battle-scarred Blaziken, eyes closed and sharp beak nestled into the crook of their neck comfortably.]

he’s.. done a lot for me, especially during my first journey. he basically taught me how to train pokémon in the first place, since he’s always had very particular ways of doing things. i think i’ve mentioned he’s force evolved a couple of times, but i haven’t really elaborated on that yet

i’m gonna keep it vague, but after one of my Gym battles as a kid, i got super injured. at some point during the whole thing, apollo broke out of his ball. he was a combusken at the time, and he ended up force-evolving himself into blaziken early (thankfully not significantly earlier) in order to keep me alive the best way he knew how and put himself between the threat and i. the threat gave up, which is probably the smart move to make when you’re faced with a six-foot-tall fire-breathing bird pokémon who wants you dead.

all in all- apollo is the best boy, (at least to me) and he deserves the world. i try my best to give it to him every single day, but.. well, seeing that i’m human, i can’t necessarily ask him if i’m doing a good job. i can only pray to Arc that i’m giving him the best life i can give him as his trainer until somebody somewhere invents some kind of pokémon translation device :) he seems happy, though, and that’s what matters most to me. i owe him a hell of a lot.

sorry for the long post! :3

#champion floris.txt #cw mentions of abuse #cw child abuse reference #but only vaguely #pokeblogging #rotomblr #unreality #pkmn irl #pokeblr #pokemon irl #irl pokemon #pokemon #irl pkmn #ask answered

[lovesastateofmind1]

Lie To Me

Rated: Explicit

Summary:

“What do you need?” Kara asks, hips jerking, pressing just right into that spot that makes her toes curl and Lena chokes, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes, muscles taut and heart aching. And she thinks if she won’t be here tomorrow, if this is the last day that she ever lives, she wants to hear it, just this once.  

“Tell – tell me you love me.” She says, a surety not present before now. Something she’d only ever entertained in the sickest part of her mind, latching onto the almosts and letting them fester. But she knows that it will work. Knows how she responds to the three little words that Kara never quite says. Knows she will never be the same again and she’s counting on it. “I come harder when you lie to me.” 

A slight pause. A stutter of her hips. A singular moment made up from memories of countless others, lighting up one by one in a vivid array of color where the past five months have been black and white. And Kara whispers the words in her ear like it’s the one thing she’s been wanting to say her whole life.  

“I love you. Rao, I love you.” 

Or -

Upon learning that her best friend has been lying to her for years, Lena offers an ultimatum for her forgiveness. Kara is willing to do anything she asks to salvage what they had -but it takes them both down a path they were never prepared for. How far is Kara willing to go for love?

Read Chapter One Here

#and here i go #supercorp #fanfiction #heavy angst #so so much smut #self indulgent af #tw for alcohol abuse #tw for child abuse - mentioned #tw for suicidal thoughts/attempt - vague #i have hated it #i have loved it #and i can't look at it anymore #so now its yours

[hawkinsgsa]

the hints of lonnie byers that we got haunt me…. him pretending to care about will’s “death” for the money, shoving jonathan into the wall when he went to look for will and saying he’s gotten stronger (implying he’s done it before), forcing jonathan to go hunting, joyce mentioning how he called will slurs, the fact that jonathan loOKED IN THE TRUNK FOR WILL…….. this man was so horrible and this is only glimpses

#LIKE…. GOD #lonnie byers hate club let me at the man jfc #no wonder will his so attached to the way things were with his friends when they were younger and d&d .. drawing and comics… #even before the upside down he NEEDED something to bring him comfort #that and joyce and jonathan like god.. i love them….. jonathan stepping up and caring for will they way lonnie never did kills me too #JUST HHFHH …. THEM . #📺 : ̗̀➛ ooc #abuse tw #child abuse tw #homophobia tw #very briefly and vaguely mentioned but-

[blackbird-brewster]

In the process of changing to a new back up hard drive, which means I'm transferring everything from my old one that has every single photo, file, video, etc. from my life between 2004-2017.

I've made peace with most of my past. Most of the trauma I've survived. But I clicked into a folder and was unexpectedly looking at my abusive ex and the pregnancy test that changed everything.

Six years ago.

I've probably deleted everything on here from what happened next with all of that, but I know plenty of you were here for me then and are still here now, please know I am so grateful for all of you. To this day, I don't openly talk about Lil Bean. But god, no matter how much time passes, I will never not miss that kiddo.

#about me 2k23 #Fuck it feels like I can't breathe anytime I think about them #I'm 35 and I've lost a parent and a sibling and a child #Not to mention everything else *gestures vaguely* #It still hurts #cw: abuse #Cw: child loss

[nach0]

ough.... loving someone so much you overlook the flaws and pain and suffering it brings because she's your mother and she loves you she must-

except she never did. not really. you and your siblings were born for a purpose. your sister left. she knew the danger and she left and now you're the oldest and you have to keep the rest safe, keep attention on you

but still you try and you try and you try to fulfill that purpose, the one that makes your mother smile when you do well, because maybe if you're just a little better...

it's never enough.

now she's gone, locked away so she can't hurt anyone ever again. it wasn't even the pain she caused you that did it.

your oldest sister refuses to let you visit. she ignores your cries for closure and keeps you locked away, in an endless paper cage but one in which she holds the only key

in the meantime, you keep training. your mother has never stayed away for long after all.

she'll want her soldiers back.

#oop this got long and also very specific to my blorbo #this was gonna be vague and nonspecific :sob: #tw abuse mention #tw child abuse mention #just in case

[lonelier-version-of-you]

What do you think the significance is between Henrik's mother drowning herself in a lake, and John eventually doing the same?

Okay, it's taken me 2 days, but I'm finally answering this.

I think John had been fixated on the idea of dying by drowning for years, and I think that was because of Henrik. He'd been suicidal before, no doubt, but it was after pulling Henrik from the lake and finding out about Elisabet that he decided he wanted to die by drowning specifically.

John is someone obsessed with his own self-image. Fandom tends to boil this down to an idea of him thinking highly of himself, but I think it's a lot deeper and more complex than that. First of all, John does not hold anywhere near as strong a belief in his own superiority as many would think. He has essentially the same unstable self-perception as Henrik: he'll think himself a genius who's better and smarter than everyone one moment, and view himself as completely worthless the next. For some reason, a lot of people simplify both their characterisation into "John is arrogant and thinks he's a god, Henrik is self-hating and thinks he's unloveable", but that's just... not accurate at all. (Mr. Clarke the psychiatrist didn't call Henrik a narcissist for nothing!) I think this isn't helped by the fact that John is suffering increasingly from grandiose delusions throughout his storyline, something which I suppose it's easy for people, especially those without much experience with mental illness, to misread as him just being egotistical.

I've had a lot of conversations with Lucia (@prydon) about this, because it's an aspect of John's character we both find fascinating. John sees himself as less worthy because of his background. Sees himself as broken (in the same way Henrik sees himself). He feels he has to meet a ridiculously high standard of 'greatness' in order to deserve basic human respect like other people. In fact, I'd argue the path he went down makes much more sense if you read it as, at least in part, John going to more and more desperate lengths in an attempt to 'prove' himself and feel like he was worthy.

This does circle back to John's chosen suicide method, I promise. Part of that whole spiel was just me trying to introduce the fact that Lucia is responsible for, like, half my views on this subject!

So, John has a lot of terrible coping mechanisms for his poor self-image, and one of them is him developing a viewpoint of seeing certain things as "tragically beautiful". (I think things like his canon love of poetry can easily fit into this.) He can't romanticise his own past - much as he wishes he could (I've read fic that has him being jealous of Henrik's trauma because he thinks it's "prettier", which, as awful as it is, is utterly in character) - but he can try to romanticise his present. (See: what I said to you a few days ago about John trying to romanticise himself for being "insane".)

But that only goes so far.

It's basically canon that John romanticises just about anything to do with Henrik. His dialogue in Report To The Mirror part 2 as good as confirms it, sounding, basically, like John wondering how Henrik is able to carry his trauma with him in a "prettier" way (in John's mind) than John himself does:

"I know how you suffer. Every day, like the rest of us, you report to the mirror. But when you come into work, you come into a place where so much tragedy has befallen you. And yet you’re still able to carry on. For this vision. So that we can do this together. If we don’t have this, then… how do you do it, Henrik?"

So because John sees anything to do with Henrik as "beautiful", even the ugliest, most painful parts - like his mother drowning herself and him going on to try to do the same (see, we're getting there.....), it's no wonder he ends up romanticising the idea of dying by drowning. In particular, the idea of drowning with Henrik. Let's face it: you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn't, on some level, find the idea of dying alongside the love of their life to be romantic (or at least I assume you'd be hard-pressed? Maybe I'm just fucked up).

I don't think this desire was at all one-sided. I think John just felt it more intensely (story of his life right there, poor lad). But - look. There is no way those two didn't have a 30+ year long suicide pact.

You know how normal friends sometimes promise each other: "Hey, if we haven't found our soulmates by 50/60/70, we'll get married to each other"?

John and Henrik's equivalent was definitely "if things don't work out in our lives, we'll drown ourselves together". I don't know if they ever said it to each other and I don't know how seriously they said it, but on some level, even if just through their weird borderline-telepathic Understanding, they knew it was a possibility.

But they just kept putting it off. The years went by, they went their separate ways, floated in and out of contact. Henrik probably hardly ever thought of the idea by the time John turned up at Holby, although I think John was still obsessed with it and fully believed that drowning with Henrik was how he would die eventually.

I also think John and Henrik having made an agreement to drown themselves together if it came to that, in the past, would go some way to explaining why Henrik knew exactly where to find John when he disappeared in Report To The Mirror, and why John had equally been expecting Henrik to come. Still doesn't explain why Henrik knew it would be that specific lake, unless it's the only one in Holby lol, but it does add another layer to those scenes.

Lucia once said that John's mindset regarding the idea of drowning himself and especially of drowning with Henrik was him thinking "my entire life has been so ugly, I want at least my death to be something beautiful". And I mean... yeah. Yeah, that's the whole thing summed up. :(

(...I've just spent over an hour typing up this answer. I do apologise if it's not coherent.)

#Holby City #John Gaskell #Johnrik #my meta #long post #asks #backjustforberena #tw;suicide #tw;abuse mention #tw;child abuse mention #tw;trafficking mention #mentioned very vaguely but tagging anyway because better safe than sorry

[goingtothebes]

if my stepmom could go. one single day without being a shithead. that would be cool. awesome actually.

#today has had two (2) gaslighting incidents and each time #i literally have to do a breathing exercise afterwards so that i don’t become the joker #and i know it’s gaslighting too because like. i am aware that i am not crazy #but also she’s a godawful liar and has so many tells!! #girl get help #we finally had my birthday dinner last night and #every time my dad even tried to vaguely mention that it was my birthday she would make it about herself #like she would butt in with a joke or get *literally huffy like a child* that we weren’t paying attention to her #dad was talking abt divorcing her like. two weeks ago bc she was physically abusive towards him #but has dropped it again! awesome #listening to the jd wtf with marc maron interview like its the bible recently #two weeks tho until i don’t have to see her/speak to her for a good while 👍🏻😊 #and if my mom even vaguely has her shit together come winter/summer #i won’t have to see her for even longer than that 💗 god bless america #vent ✌🏻

[cass1x1]

“  i want you here.  ”  | maia x eden

The pressure had been mounting, like walls closing in. Like adding weights to hold something down. Like a migraine. Maia could tell; she felt herself becoming hot and clammy all at once, though she couldn't have pinpointed why. It was like that sometimes for her, as though she weren't really in her own body. The sort of person who could afford help might think something of that. Maia was not that sort of person, so she tried not to think of it at all.

Everyone here was likely that sort of person, though. Or, at any rate, some sort of person. Eden had the sort of job that brushed them up against rooms full of anybody who's anybody. They weren't all the kinds of people Maia had read about in checkout line magazines, but they were all the kinds of people that were important enough to go somewhere just to be seen. People worthy of seeing.

Get out of my sight.

Surely, it showed. In the way she tucked into herself, trying to become invisible, surely, it showed to anyone who bothered to look. Hopefully, no one bothered to look. Maia had found that to be a very effective trick for most situations: to become unworthy of notice so no one noticed that you did not belong.

Why do you think you're here?

She stepped back slowly, in incremental steps, sliding passed conversations between important people and more important people, until her fingertips could feel the cool stone of the wall behind her. She'd picked her spot instinctively--she'd noticed when she first walked in where the waiters were circling with their plates of appetizers and booze, and thus the spots where no one was--and hit that mark perfectly.

No one else would take you.

The hiccup in the plan--wasn't there always a hiccup in the plan?--came right as she was pressed into that wall, looking for her exit route. Footsteps, downright jogging toward her, much to her surprise. "Maia, I've been looking everywhere for you. I--" Eden had a good eye, an eye for details. Of course they noticed right away. "What's wrong?"

"I--I should probably, y'know, head out." Where the false calm came from, she wasn't sure. Survival instinct, perhaps. "You've got, like, people to meet, and everyone's seen the outfit so..."

No one else wanted you.

Eden grabbed her hand, loose enough that Maia could still pull away, but the surprise alone kept her from trying. "I want you here. Stay?"

Maia pulled her hand back and rubbed it on the fabric she'd watched Eden painstakingly pin to the exact right shape. "Sweaty hands," she said, not an answer. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Eden said. "I get nervous too."

Maia didn't argue--it wasn't nerves, but she didn't have the kind of smarts to say what it was instead. But she didn't leave, either. "Yeah." A beat passed. She opened her mouth to say something, right when Eden did too, but then a waiter appeared and they both got quiet. Eden was someone to notice, here, so of course the staff would divert their paths for them. Well, to be fair, so did Maia.

"Can I get you two drinks?"

"Yeah, uh." Maia tilted her head, wondering why she'd answered at all. "Two glasses of that bubbly I've seen you passing around, please."

He smiled, giving absolute customer service face. "Right away, Miss."

#answered #gerrykecy #i oops #child abuse mention tw #(extremely vague but yanno) #emotional abuse mention tw #dissociation tw #ch: maia #o: eden #otp: maia x eden #answered memes

[enby-calamity]

hearing my mother scream at my brother that she was a good mom to us growing up because she made sure we didn't need anything (aka gave us what every parent that can should give their kid,( and also a bit of spoiling i'll admit)) a couple of minutes after she slapped him for not being able to find the dog food and asking for her help is wild

#tw vent #tw child abuse #tw childhood trauma #tw mommy issues #tw mom mention #vague #tw vague

[necro-hamster]

🦌

i've noticed in the past few years that my parents have this weird habit of recounting stories about my childhood to me that are obvious examples of abuse/neglect or just traumatic instances in general -- but they try to frame it as if it's a funny story.

and they only do it to me.

as far as i know, they never tell anyone else these stories. and, y'know, if they really thought it was a funny story, you'd think they would, right? why not? i tell my friends funny stories about my life all the time. everyone does. so why do they just tell these 'funny' stories to the person at the center of them? it's definitely not to spare me embarrassment; they do that on purpose all the time.

i can only think that it's because they know the stories aren't really funny. they know that people would look at them funny if they told them the story about how their kid was so scared of upsetting them that he didn't tell them when he broke his wrist on the way home from school until mom came to make sure he was doing his homework hours later, or that one time they ignored his complaints about intense pain (assuming it to be an excuse to not do chores) until he started bleeding from his ears, or the story about how he one time got so scared of his dad (who was screaming and throwing things around for hours) that he tried to secretly call mom to come home from work, or the time they 'jokingly' threatened to beat his ass for accidentally saying a cuss word and he hid in his room for hours, or how he once had a breakdown as a very young child and begged them to believe him that his older siblings were constantly treating him like shit every time they turned around.

because those stories aren't funny. nobody would think they are. it's not like they embellish the details; they don't try to lie and say i hid my injury because i hurt myself doing something i shouldn't, or that i cried for hours over them making a joke about tickling me. they say it exactly how it went. and then they laugh and expect me to laugh too, like we're fondly remembering a family bonding experience together.

it's like they expect me to smile and chuckle to myself, nodding along when they tell me about what a stupid kid i was. and for a while, i did. because that's what they wanted. but these days, i don't give them that, and they always get upset with me.

isn't that something? to get mad at someone when they don't laugh at a tale of their own mistreatment being told by the perpetrator? but, hell, why am i supposed to laugh when they clearly know that nobody else will?

why am i expected to make my own suffering into a joke, but they can't even laugh about an incident where they made a silly mistake? why am i expected to be the comic relief of the house?

why the fuck does my life have to be one big sitcom joke, when their lives are supposed to be regarded with the seriousness of documentary? they can't stand when anyone even cracks a smile at anything they do unless it's a carefully calculated joke or bigoted comment.

it's like i'm the stupid side character to their main story. and they know that this is a fucked up way to view their own kid, so they reel it in when they're in public! they act like we're just a regular family, and they hold back the awful stories and shitty comments and screaming and broken glass and threats.

i think the idea that they're self aware is worse than the idea that they don't realize the way they're acting is a problem. because that means they just don't give a shit.

#kris.txt #just. venting i guess #been really feeling sad tonight about my family #i just wish i didn't feel so isolated and trapped all the time #cw for child abuse #mentioned non graphic apart from vaguely summarizing some events

[xpiester333x]

I think people don't really understand what a lala lewder actually is.

Like. I acknowledge you have your lala character and they are an adult and they are going to do adult things. I did not bat an eye (except maybe to find it funny) when the game said Tataru gets around. Maybe that bothers some people? But I acknowledge there's nothing wrong with an adult character being written as such, regardless of appearance.

But I assure you the "adult" part of lalafell is not what lala lewders are after lmao. And that shit is pretty immediately apparent right from the get go. There are very obviously people looked at the "childlike" description of lalafell and went "fuck yeah, thats so sexy". And I promise you that shit is NOTICEABLY different from people just playing a lalafell like a normal fucking person.

Trust me, true lala players, I'm on your side and I'm sorry anyone gives you shit. They clearly haven't seen some of this shit I've unfortunately been made to see or they would know the difference.

#easy as pie #personal #cw child abuse #tw child abuse #there isnt really any but idk just the vague mention