#urgh. i'll think about it some more. knowing me its probably another ''love (in all forms) is the meaning to life'' type story lmao <3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sanchoyo · 3 years

Text

danny phantom season 2, eps 1-5 thoughts! opening the new season with episodes like these kinda blew me away. we had multiple serious episodes INCLUDING a two parter!! also, valerie :)

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-I don't know what I expected s2 to open with. but danny portal incident in more detail was not it. (also, I hate to break it to you, sam, but danny's parent's bigass ghost hunting rv def chugs more gas than those vehicles, lmao. unless it runs on ectoplasm or something...)

-WHY WAS DESIREE IN THE SEWER? HAVING TEA WITH IT DOWN THERE?? Her making the giant cow come alive is a boss move, we've almost had all of my fav animals as ghosts now <3 I also don't like how sam was expecting danny to just, haunt the place so the cars wouldn't get sold? I KNOWWW I know she's 14 (and I had a very annoying phase like this, I think I mentioned in a previous post, I GET IT) but they're HIS powers, and messing with (1) dealership will not really put a dent in sales overall because they can just move the cars to another sales lot, and it certainly wont change the industry anyway, it's more of a minor annoyance for (1) location. Also, usually people who work at car sales places work on commission, so if they dont make a sale, they don't have money to pay bills, or eat. sam baby if u wanna be an activist you need to like, actually look into these things. with as much money as her parents have, she could be doing a lot..more useful things for causes she cares about? it's frustrating to see someone with resources who doesn't know how to use them. but shes 14 so again. cannot be really upset :/

-IS THIS A PREDATOR VS TERMINATOR VS FREDDY KRUEGER MOVIE BUT THEYRE ALL WOMEN?? you know, sam is so right to be excited about this. /I/ want to see this movie. that rules

-paulina inviting danny and friends to her quinceañera, aw! even if it is just to get phantom to show up :') and there'll be a meteor shower, and we KNOW danny wants to be an astronaut!! there's not a meteor shower every night!! the tickets are non-refundable, but..she's rich? like. gotta agree with danny, they never get invited!! I KNOW it's the principle of keeping promises, but if she was that upset, she should've said something. directly. I hated how she was like, passive aggressive about it through the episode, like you SAID IT WAS FINE, THAT YOU'D GO TO THE PARTY TOO. MOVIES SHOW FOR A FEW WEEKS IN THEATERS. IF YOU HAD A REAL PROBLEM YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE, SAM. YOUR FRIENDS. ARE NOT. MIND READERS.

-MR. LANCER GOING AFTER THE GHOST WITH THE FIRE EXTINGISHER LMAO

-this outfit is everything . anytime the show does an over the top cutesty pink outfit i WANT IT. it looks like shit I wear JKASDHF I HAVE a bow like that and a pink sweater. I need leg warmers </3

-SAMS GOTTA RE-HALF-KILL HIM??? thats fucked up. but also, he finally got his logo!! it took until s2!!! this episode was lowkey very fucked and I felt like it glossed over a lot. does sam have guilt about like. kinda KILLING HIM?? I know, he also agreed and walked into the portal. but. she made the choice to redo it SO quickly (even if it was because someone had to beat desiree) and danny, during their fight, brought up a lot of stuff sam's done in the past, meaning he was holding onto those memories and resentment was building. (I KEEP SAYING HE LOWKEY NEEDS THERAPY, BUT I THINK MOST EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW KINDA DOES) which...is a red flag? and then they didnt even GO to the party URGH I know she tried to make up for it, but it really felt like Sam fucked up and barely faced any consequences and got everything she wanted in the end. I KNOW it's a kids show obv they aren't going to go too in depth, and she undid the damage, kinda, but...I DUNNO how to articulate it but it rubbed me the wrong way.

-but on a note about desiree, her powers of wishes were STRONG ENOUGH TO ERASE NOT JUST THEIR MEMORIES, BUT DANNY'S POWERS?! fuck, if I was danny I'd be like, trying to make friends with her. I know they always have horrible side effects as most genie-granted wishes do, but...c'mon, I'd at least TRY to be like 'I wish no ghosts would hurt anyone in my town' or 'I wish vlad would lose his ghost powers forever no matter What and also forget about my mom' LIKE. SHIT DESIREE IS SO POWERFUL. rewriting reality powerful, basically!! appreciate her. respect her.

-aww, sam helping tucker pass the nurse's office so he wouldn't see because he's afraid of medical stuff? very sweet. I also don't like medical stuff, I've gotten a lot better at handling it tho. but seeing blood and needles still makes me feel lightheaded x_x

-FOLEY, BY TUCKER FOLEY. I want to make my own perfume, that's so cool. even if his first attempt isn't good, he's pretty consistently shown to have an inventor/entrepreneur streak in the show, so like. I can see him inventing or making something (or several somethings) that make him $$$ when he grows up :) proud of my creative son

-I know the 'creepy abandoned hospital on the edge of town' is a joke and the creepy hospital trope is so Worn Out, but in my town we actually DO have a hospital like that! my dad was born in it, but its not in use and hasn't been for, like, 20 years! it needs to be torn down but I think the city doesn't wanna pay the money. the inside is horrible, spray painted and broken glass and shit everywhere. but there's still like, rusty equipment and fucking DOLLS all over the place. the cops drive by it pretty frequently to make sure no one is like, breaking in. (because of water damage, some of the areas really aren't safe. also, asbestos, but people still go in anyway) but also, some of my town was used in a filming for a stephen king show. So it's lowkey spooky all over. just a fun personal tidbit :) to lead into saying, any hospital abandoned for any period of time is NOT safe to quarantine these kids in JKSAHDKF like I KNOW it's a ghost trying to do this, but NONE of these parents are even like, 'well, why dont we keep them in the regular, working hospital'....YIKES. this hospital looks pretty accurate to the one in town. grungy and spooky.

-fentons are tax evaders confirmed by jack's fear of being audited, lol no one is surprised

-ghost sickness via ghost bugs. horrifying concept. I actually expected it to be a new villain, not dr. spectra again! this is a very elaborate scheme. her new form rules, love the new costume. the way none of the bg kids seem to recognize her as their old school councilor. did we just forget about that completely?

-dash watching romance movies in the fucked up ghost hospital. same.

-'oh please, you're ghosts, do you have any idea what YOU smell like?' no, tucker, what DO ghosts smell like? I genuinely didn't know they would even have a smell, I actually want to know now.

-it feels like a while since we've seen jazz!! i was happy to see her again, even if she was a head in a jar for most the episode. I want another jazz-focused ep!!

-we finally see danny doing space-related stuff!! him and his friends stargazing to open ep 3 of s2. cute :) until, GHOST PIRATES!!!!! ...ghost pirate captain is a small child?? VOICED BY TAYLOR LAUTNER???

-oh, the easy listening is ember's song instrumental slowed. 'vapor drone' THEY VAPORWAVED HER!!! ember in a pirate outfit tho >>>>. and the cruise being called m.bersback JKASDHJK. ember adopting a little pirate brother is also pretty cute. concerning this teen and little kid have such bad opinions of adults, like, who hurt you?? (how did you DIE ALSO?? im always lowkey curious about that. we know desiree died at an old age, but her ghost form is young, probably mid-20s, so I wonder how that sort of thing works...its a more mental thing, isn't it?) but ghost team-ups are always cool to see, even if ember bailed after danny took her guitar. I guess she probably thinks youngblood can handle it (which, he's been owning danny this far in the ep, so...fair)

-tucker got that sponsorship from nasty burger for their radio!!! again, opportunistic money maker king, love to see it!!!

-danny taking control of the kids SO FAST. he makes a pretty great leader. no one is surprised, im pretty sure I said I think he's the most mature of the trio, once again, correct, because he's taken on so much responsibility already. all the teens suiting up in the jumpsuits to go save the adults and taking the ship over with a BLIMP. OKAY LETS GO. this feels like it should be a mid finale or straight up finale.

-...speaking of finales. why is ep 4-5 of s2 combined into a 50 minute episode? I havent even clicked play and im concerned. weird placement, like, this season JUST started and we're getting a two parter? okay...why are the episodes placed like this? why not put this at episode 10 or something, for a mid-season thing?

-this is also a cute dress. possibly my fav dress so far. can her parents give ME cute dresses, I'LL wear them.

-it turns out the castle fright knight was in is called pariah's keep and there's something worse than fright knight in there! lovely! fuck off vlad wtf are you doing <3 your hubris <3 is going to literally get you killed <3 'ring of rage' and 'crown of fire' are great names tho. ...vlad turning into a super polite guy when he was scared of mr. pariah was hilarious. and fright knight doing the same...I mean, it makes sense, he's a knight, he serves a king? happy to see fright knight again either way :) vlad telling him to call him tho, lmfao. you WISH HE WOULD. (I wish hed call me, too. 😔)

-so...jack being genuinely concerned about vlad...maddie really didn't tell him what happened at the cabin, did she. damn. if I was her id immediately come home and be like 'YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS SHITTTT THIS CREEPY GUY--' like, I feel like that stuff you need to tell your partner!!! I know she didnt want Jack to think she was an irresponsible parent putting danny in danger at that time, but STILLLL. maddie spilling boiling tea on him. get his ass. how is jack this oblivious to his wife's discomfort with vlad!! ughhh

-fenton wipe (tm). trademarked toilet paper.

-DANNY AND VALERIE BEING FRIENDS??? :D that was a cute moment. 'hey val <3' and 'if you like him like him, make a move, or someone else will ;)' at sam...damn!! I love her. valerie go for it girl!!! I hate how sam and tucker treat val also, like I GET IT YOURE PROTECTIVE AND DONT TRUST but if anything him befriending valerie will help when she finds out or he tells her like I feel like she'll be more understanding that they think! ALSO I feel like her reason for not liking ghosts is valid, like you haven't really explained the full story to her anyway! she doesn't seem to have any other friends after being booted from the a-listers so im like :( but seeing them kick butt together again was nice <3

-the ghosts all RUNNING FROM PARIAH DARK IS NOT GOOD, I thought he sent them to attack or something, but no. why doesn't someone just tell desiree 'hey i wish pariah dark would die' lol. once again I think she can solve every problem <3 but seeing all the enemies in one place, being civil and hiding together? love it.

-you just know danny's gonna have to clean up vlad's stupid mess. also, jack being willing to put on the ectoskeleton pants to help maddie, as soon as vlad heard it could kill him, he suggested jack do it instead of helping maddie himself? this is why jack got the girl, my man.

-ghost skeletons. how do you end up as a skeleton ghost in your afterlife instead of a humanoid like most the ones we've seen? lmao

-the ghosts just making new homes in various stores. I'd totally be setting up in an expensive clothing store if I was a ghost.

-valerie's dad is possibly the most useful adult so far, with that ghost shield expansion!!! and valerie saving vlad and danny, even tho shes been thru it already, shes still so good!!! this family rules.

-danny: *gently caresses valerie* :)

-*then he immediately TELLS HER DAD ON HER. and his first response is 'are you okay?' :'( such a good dad...

-*me every time fright knight breathes* youre doing SO great sweetie :)

-the fenton suit thing is so silly looking. does anyone take this thing seriously

-ALL THE GHOSTS FIGHTING WITH DANNY <3 AAAAA. and the fact that pariah isn't perma-defeated, but just locked away again. yikes. he'll probably get out again, won't he? it wasn't too clear, but if vlad DID make a pact with fright knight, I am rabid. I will beat vlad to death with the fenton bat (tm). YOU DONT DESERVE A COOL KNIGHT.

-valerie being direct with sam and challenging her? kinda love that, even tho I normally don't like 'catfight' type situations. because sam has been very passive aggressive about it which is annoying. valerie knows wtf she wants and wasn't even embarrassed to tell sam, but she did tell her, giving sam time to make her own move! and sam denied it and got embarrassed/mad! and sam did have a chance when danny was about to go off and fight, and she hesitated and didn't tell him. I feel like she's hesitating because they're friends and it might make it weird between the trio (poor tucker would be third-wheeling) but if u snooze u lose, u gotta GO after what u WANT girl. smh this is a No Tsundere Zone. 😤

#sanchoyorambles #dp thoughts #danny phantom

12 notes · View notes

rpbetter · 3 years

Note

Urgh. Okay, full disclosure, I haven't been on tumblr much over the last week or so, because I was one of the people that Raven initially called out after the COAR mess, and it was in the interest of my own mental health to fuck off for a while so I didn't stress myself out into oblivion. So I'm scrolling through most of this stuff for the first time, and talking to other people who were targeted. And pardon my French here, but I'm fucking disgusted at the lengths Raven has gone to assert themselves as a victim, how many people they've affected, and the waving around of something as serious as suicide for brownie points.

I have sympathy for people who overinterpret things in a strictly emotional and mental sense (actual reactions aside) because they lack the maturity. There's always a reason for that, and it's not their fault. And I have sympathy for people if they legitimately feel suicidal. That, too, isn't their fault. If I hadn't been blocked, I would've reported Raven in case their claims were true as well, because yeah, I don't mess around with that stuff either. But what's unacceptable is how Raven acted on those sentiments and behaved towards others, even after people tried to provide perspective. How Raven claimed to be done with the drama, but continued inciting it; how they claimed to be suicidal and had left tumblr, but wrote what amounts to a "fuck you" in their header and were still putzing around on their blog, and were apparently still editing their posts until as late as today; how they claimed to have deleted but only changed the url; how they weaponized all of this stuff and used it as a tool for guilt-tripping. Like, come on. It's okay if you're down in the dumps, but it's not okay to treat innocent people like garbage, and carpet bomb half the RPC. To me, it really feels like there was an intent to weaponize all of their hurt, offense, anger, and suicidal ideations, despite the possibility it did come from somewhere genuine, and that's so harmful to anyone who is actually struggling with depression.

Every time someone weaponizes mental illness in this way, it just makes people more and more apathetic the next time someone is genuinely just hurting, and saying they feel like they're at the end of their rope. And it makes people suspicious of whether those words are being used maliciously, or legitimately. That suspicion and that association is now there, unconscious or not. And every time this kind of stuff happens, the association gets stronger. What happens if Raven does this again? Some people will still report, but some people might just scoff and walk away - people who might've actually acted before. So in a way, that kind of behaviour impacts Raven as much as it impacts other people.

And you know what? They're not the only one dealing with serious shit. I've been suffering from MDD for the last fifteen years, and I've been in the process of changing medications and having little success for months. I've been going through hell offline. I have a shit list of people I want to yell at because they're dragging their feet on really important things I need to function; I'm constantly running a deficit on spoons. Until a week or so ago, roleplay was one of the only ways I could unwind. So for Raven to bully me by sticking that stupid post in my tags, because they needed to make a scene on COAR, which I was obviously going to comment on (like many other people), then to "like" an unsubstantiated callout about me and other innocent people related to that mess, it's only worsened my own mental health. It sounds melodramatic, but really. Someone else mentioned this too, but the fear of being in another callout, and the fear of that first callout somehow exploding, was in the back of my mind all week, despite being away from tumblr. So that was a little anxiety-inducing, much as I tried not to think about it.

And I'm debating whether to return now, or take more time off, and I have no idea what to do. Because that callout post is still in my blog's tag. I'm freaking out because I was planning on approaching some people to roleplay, which is something I rarely ever do, but now I'm concerned that I'll contact someone, they'll look at my tag to get an idea of my writing/partners/who I am, and see the callout post, and immediately dismiss me because even seeing the word "callout" on its own will send up red flags, by unconscious association with more impactful drama. And as long as that callout is up, these fears are going to be there.

That's just not fair.

And Raven's "apology" is completely unacceptable. Like you and others said, it doesn't reach anyone who needs to hear it, because they've all been blocked. I would fucking love an apology if it came from a place of honesty, but am I going to receive one? Probably not. And even for the followers who can still see that apology, it doesn't address anything. It isn't directed to anyone in particular. It doesn't mention the specific behaviours that were wrong on their part. And miss me with the "my intentions were good" part. No, they weren't; going around blocks and sticking shit in peoples' tags is vindictive and entirely intentional in all the worst ways, and shame on them for pretending otherwise, and by leading with such a poor example for many roleplayers, some of whom are in their teens. One of the people who tried to message Raven (they, too, were called out on Raven's blog) was speaking to a nineteen-year old who was completely clueless about the extent of the manipulation Raven was pulling. They thought all of it was normal and acceptable behaviour. That genuinely terrifies me. And while I imagine if Raven was genuinely apologetic, they would've gone to the callout blog and ask them to delete the callout post (attempt it, at the very least), somehow, I don't think that would've happened given all of their prior actions. God forbid something else is going on there.

Phew. Yeah, I'm angry. Maybe I'm just biased and tired. But honestly, I have a right to be. Raven's apology is a handwave, and they know it. It's a slap in the face to me, to you, and to everyone else who was involved in this clusterfuck. They're not the center of the universe. They affected real people, with real problems of their own. Anyways, I am so sorry for this, argh. Really had to get this out, and I didn't want to dump it on discord or somewhere else; I sure as heck didn't want to go to COAR with it. But hey, maybe people here will feel less alone if I added my own account to the mix. The more, the merrier? In a sense, anyways. Sometimes if you feel like you've been singled out, it's nice to know you're not actually the only person it's happened to.

Sorry for saving your reply for last, Anon. It's such an important one, I wanted to be properly thoughtful!

I think that it is going to make some people feel less alone, and there is always some relief in sharing one's trials. That might be especially true when one has been unable to share them anywhere else. It's not like you can address this on your own blog right now, COAR is definitely not a safe place to do so, it's a very isolating feeling that is made worse for having done nothing.

Coming back and being required to wade through this shit was really damn disgusting to me as well, but at least in my case, I had neither been obliged to distance myself for the sake of mental health nor was I treated to the sickening display of drumming up ideas of victimization from someone who victimized me. What I experienced was just incredulity and disgust, I cannot imagine how incensing this must be for you, I am so very sorry. If it makes me angry having a degree of removal and watching in it real time? What you're experiencing...there really isn't a single word to adequately encapsulate that, I'm sure.

You've still expressed so many of the things I've thought and felt. I found all that initial behavior uncalled for, shameful, yet another display of what's actually wrong in the RPC, but it was increasingly upsetting to me the more I looked into it because it did feel a little (a lot) too reminiscent of the sort of bullying experienced in person. It's really something else to be viciously picked at by someone who keeps upping the game until such point as it begins to cause them trouble, then get to be painted the wrongdoer and punished in some way for it because they're presenting as a sympathetic victim. A more sympathetic victim than you, that's really what I mean, I'm just going to say it.

And that was already in swing by the time I got from the launch point to the smoking crater of then current events. I got to Raven's again after bouncing back and forth between their interactions with others, largely from COAR, yes, and the shit on the callout blog...to see...everyone else being blamed in increasingly drastic ways.

Because on tumblr, unlike reality, if you throw out enough times ahead of time that you have disorders people can get behind, you're more sympathetic, not less. So long as one has set that foundation and has others to broadcast it once convenient, any horrible action one undertakes is given a pass. Anyone disagreeing, anyone not tolerating the abuse, is in the wrong now. In the worst possible way, of course.

This whole thing began with incredibly unnecessary bullshit and every, I mean fucking every, further action taken was a new level of fucked up, but the trivializing of and damage done to the perception of mental health and differences is quite possibly the worst. Are those things that need any more of that? It's already such a problem! I already see suspicion and fatigue with this, every time it's given validation, it grows.

Even if I wasn't mentally ill, with one of the disorders that gets vilified even on tumblr, even if I were not autistic, even if I never knew a single person who suffered worse than I do from the the complications they won by way of being born, hadn't anyone I loved that took their lives, this would be extremely upsetting to me. Using the idea that "whatever I do, it's got to be acceptable because I am X" while not caring that anyone else is X, Y, and/or Z. Weaponizing it for bullying and sympathy simultaneously. Way too much. Incredibly gross and harmful, legitimately fucking problematic.

I want people to be taken seriously when they choose to speak of the boundaries their mental health requires, I want muns to be able to say that they are having a difficult time without it coming off (even to the rest of us with mental health conditions) as a ploy for attention/guilting for whatever action they desire be taken by partners, and I want people to take threats of oncoming, serious harm seriously. How are they to do this, when it is continually used as tool or weaponized against others? At very best, it becomes another thing to ignore and scroll by on the dash.

As we've all had the misfortune to experience or witness so recently, once it is weaponized, it's a problem of priority. I've said in damn near every message I've gotten that Raven isn't the only person involved here who has serious shit going on, but like the absurdity with trying to spin an accident as transphobia, or having the audacity to attempt speaking from a place of peace in a way that might benefit everyone, Raven included, resulting in a callout about being against ND people...it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter that any of us are neurodivergent, have serious chronic mental health complications, or are not cisgender. Raven was swinging that around like a flaming sword to drive off bigots real and imagined before we ever got their attention.

Attention they fucking asked for.

Reblogging that post from COAR was just like posting those rules. The intention was to get attention, and it was asked for with extreme hostility. I have no idea how that is coming off to anyone as simply them defending themselves. It was a great moment to either not out themselves as the person in the confession at all, not engage with it, quietly remove the post, or to reblog it and take responsibility in a meaningful way at that point. Can you imagine what a difference that would have made then? If Raven had chosen instead to reblog it and apologize for doing what they had. Just that. No shitty, snide little comments about how they're sorry, but still absolutely correct and here are five reasons why everything they've misconstrued won't be tolerated. Just an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, an apology for doing so, and awareness gained moving forward.

Their decision to interact with that post in the way they did wasn't just more of the same nonsense, it was actively upping the game. I don't really care if it was intentional bait or just continuing to let malicious impulse run free, it was used as bait. Everyone who interacted with that post was effectively consigning themselves to harassment, and if they happened to interact on literally any other topic that group held a passionately opposing opinion on, they were attacked for it. Curiously, it became necessary for them to be harassed by way of the callout blog, but that is getting a little close to off-topic, so, I'll leave it at that.

So, while I initially really wanted to have the appeal to Raven work because their expressions of regret that I was greatly on the fence about being genuine, I'd say those flags were accurate. I cannot believe that someone who took every opportunity to do the wrong thing is genuinely sorry. Sorry for themselves, absolutely, sorry for anything they did, not so much. This constant narrative I got of "they SAID they were sorry" and "they apologized again and again and took the posts down," including from Raven, is incredible. On that last one, they, yet again, couldn't actually address me.

Appropriate response: messaging me or reblogging that post (you know, the rules snippet I found right the hell there still, despite the claim of it being deleted and the final catalyst of me needing to say something after I saw that, nope, surely was not) with the acknowledgment of a single thing I said.

Extra appropriate response: ^ plus going to everyone who could still be located that they harmed with a genuine, individual, private apology.

Inappropriate response that was had: new post, shitty, childish tone like they at once wanted to argue with me and didn't want to drop the act, restating of this apology that had already been deleted and meant exactly shit while it existed, restating of how they deleted this post and couldn't control reblogs, ignoring that I literally reblogged the original copy from their blog.

Apology neither believed nor accepted. Just as it wouldn't be if my nephew came to my house, broke a bunch of my things, said he was sorry while throwing the pieces at my pet, then threw himself on the floor screaming that he said he was sorry when I told him to go have a time out.

(Yes, I absolutely did just make a comparison to a child, y'all can shit yourselves again. It's not my problem if you want to misconstrue "this person's actions are not befitting of an adult" as "Vespertine said autistic people are children!" Fucking miss me with that. I'm an autistic adult who pays my bills, apologizes, doesn't treat people like shit while trying to excuse it by being ND. You're offensive with that shit, and contributing to the negative perception people have of those on the spectrum. Be a good ally today! Don't valid that! Free ninety-nine offer!)

Again, sorry for yourself does not equal being sorry for what you've done. The former can contribute to the development of the latter, but as I said in a response yesterday, there has been no display of that beginning to transpire. I genuinely hope that will eventually be the case because that would be the best outcome, the only "best" outcome at this point. Even if it was two years from now, if it did happen, I certainly would not be kind to people refusing them any such growth in peace, and I hope that, by some distant chance, I get to prove that.

But...stating "my intentions were good" over any part of this is not remotely promising. When? Where? At what point? Oh, right, when you took it upon yourself to label a random mun you took issue with. That's when your intentions were good. Then, when you vehemently needed to defend that point by callouts and individual attacks under the guise of it definitely not being about your pride, no! It was the defense of everyone else! Defending the community by carpet-bombing it, yes. This is not a "the path to Hell is paved with good intentions" situation.

I am so disturbed about the nineteen-year-old mun, my god. I'm telling y'all, my anger and disgust almost reach what I think is a pinnacle, then there's something new like this.

I don't even subscribe to tumblr's ideology that anyone under twenty-five is an actual infant who needs be kept in a protective bubble and forgiven for all bad behavior with infinite kindness, nineteen-year-olds deserve the agency of the adultier adults they are becoming, but it is a transitional age. Especially today. Most socialization and formative ideas take place online, and by the time younger RPers are entering the adult sphere of RP here, they've already got some really unhealthy ideas. About themselves, about others. There is such a demand for rabidly performative action that gets internalized, it shouldn't be being heartily fed by people in the community they might look up to.

At that age, someone like Raven is going to be a person looked up to. They espouse all the right ideas, and it's an age in which aggressive interaction over those things is seen as amusing and correct, no matter how wrong the actions taken are or the basis upon which they are founded. When these people foster an environment of cruelty for questioning, of course, that is not going to be the natural response. The response is now going to be the requirement of being told otherwise with adequate proof.

I have suspected that many of the hateful anons I've gotten were from Raven's even younger followers who feel like it's normal, acceptable, and that everything they're being told by Raven's sales team over at the callout blog is absolutely true. Of course, they're now morally obligated to come harass me for the things they were told I did! I think it's likely that several of the anons people got were from actual minors, which is so many levels of scary and irresponsible. Really great example all around, yes!

Because whether it is one's intention or not, that is potentially exposing minors, or muns who are still close enough to be more negatively impacted, to who even knows what. As well as violating the rules of blogs who do not interact with minors for good reason, setting those blogs up for yet another callout for treating someone they didn't know was a minor the way they did or having "freak shit" on their blog. Setting up the other party to be treated with full hostility as an adult would be. Very cool, very responsible.

There is just so much here that is unacceptable, I don't think people who were not directly impacted or have never had a callout against them understand the results, and that is one more unacceptable thing you've been good enough to talk about.

Even while taking a break from the RPC, it affects you negatively. Wondering what you're coming back to, your blog is no longer a safe feeling space, and there's nothing you can do to "cultivate your blog" to change that. They've taken away the ability to simply block and avoid others, the thing that keeps all of us comfortable here as well as allowing that to be all of us no matter how disagreeable we might be to each other. Callouts negate adult behavior. Callouts mean that one doesn't know where more potential for harassment might be coming from, or how long we might have to be worried about that.

It would be a major concern for me as well about what putting myself out there to new writing partners might bring. What the success of that might be. It's incredibly unfair that they've made finding new people precarious and more unpleasant than it can be anyway. That puts all of the future of your RP here in question, and if you're like me, just dropping a muse, picking up another, and moving to a new URL isn't going to be a good choice for you. It isn't that simple if you dedicate time to a muse for a long period of time, when that's the case, that's the RP you want to do and have laid the groundwork for.

I don't know if it will help at all, but it has seemed to me, over the past several days, that there are fewer people in the RPC who are inclined to believe or support callouts than there once was. I was hoping that was the case, since there is always so much interaction on my posts against callout culture, but until this crap went down, I had no idea just how many people are not positive toward it. It has seemed to be that the people who are inclined to listen to callouts are just louder.

I've also noticed that those people have the same set of red flags, so maybe sharing that will help you or others?

They don't have simple, basic, reasonable Do Not Interacts. It isn't simply asking that minors don't interact because the mun is over eighteen, that muns writing a triggering topic not interact, or that sort of thing. No, it's URL dropping of specific muns, outright links to callouts or "receipts," and an accusatory tone about any topics or types of muns who shouldn't interact. Such as "nasty ass proshippers" or "pedo apologists shipping incest."

Their rules are reflective this as well. A statement cannot be made that they do not write, let's say, toxic ships and left at that. There will be some morality wank present about normalizing or romanticizing toxic/abusive relationships.

There are less assured flags, but literally, anything that stands out as an interest in RPC or fandom-based activism as opposed to an interest in writing, their muses, or even their friendships with a variety of muns. I don't mean a rounded-out interest in things, I really do mean a glaring predominance of buzzword-laden reblogs and PSA's while they've not written a reply, headcanon, or answered a meme in months.

I'm not saying any of that because I feel like you, or anyone else's, judgment is terrible or that you're oblivious to warning signs! It's just that when we've experienced bad situations, it can compromise our ability to see clearly. It becomes easy to see a potential threat everywhere, and maybe that seems contrary, but it's then easy to fail to see real threats from those we're blowing up. We question whether we're being just as judgmental as the people who wronged us, putting words in other muns' mouths and thoughts in place of their own as was done to us. While we still are afraid to be wrong in giving someone an in to ruining our time again.

So, please, don't feel like I'm questioning your intelligence or speaking from a place of ultimate knowledge, never making mistakes in such a choice! I just really hate that you, and many others, are going through this, and anything at all that I can think of that might help you move forward from this utter bullshit you've been through, I've got to try to grab it.

Because, Anon, like all those sharing their experiences these last few days, you sound like the kind of mun we need in the RPC.

You're someone willing to share with others for the benefit of others. You're being honest about your feelings of anger and even the hopeless sensation of whether it's even worth it to try to return, having your progress on and offline stomped on, while still maintaining a sort of fairness and calm that I know is not easy. Because that's the mature thing to do, it's the right thing, and unfortunately, those are usually the harder things to do as well.

You did the right thing in expressing your opinion and doing what people like Raven's group love to be on about, can only do through bullying: not tolerating it. I'd hate for the RPC to lose someone like you!

Just as your message matters to more people out there than myself, I have no doubt that your choice to not quietly allow this behavior mattered to more muns than you'll ever know. I'm sure that none of them would have wanted this result for you, but so many muns have experienced such toxic, bullying behavior over the years in which not a soul spoke up.

Many of you proved something very important with challenging Raven and the callouts blog, that unlike them, it isn't necessary for good people to even know each other to do the right thing. They have to dogpile and engage in cliquish behavior, what they do isn't coming from a place of inner ethics and strength, but what you all did? It's the opposite.

So, not only do I thank you again for sharing and providing the important support of simply not being alone to others, I thank you for being the example to the RPC that people dealing in callouts and generalized shaming cannot be, no matter their platform.

I hope that, whether you choose to remain, leave, or take a very long break, everything you've been dealing with starts to look up. I know it's easy to say things made hollow for their repetition and flippant use, like telling you not to let them win, or that their bullshit just isn't that important. So, I'm not going to say them.

It doesn't work that way when you're dealing with mental health concerns! You can logically know that this is just petty bullshit not worth being run out of something important to you, but that doesn't stop the worry, frustration, or depression. You can have all the determination in the world to hang in there, even the spite to back it up, but neither is a match for the things you cannot control coming from your brain. That is the cruelty of mental illness on the very best of days.

You have all of my respect, support, and genuine sympathy that this happened to you. No one should be allowed to continually and unapologetically go out of their way to throw a wrench into someone's hard-won progress. You did nothing to deserve this, and the people out there worth interacting with are going to be the same ones who will have no question of that.

Lastly, I also hope that some of the anons sharing their experiences have helped you feel less alone, or like you're not just irrationally upset. Please know that you're seen and supported as well! And that you are always welcome to talk more, vent, share successes here.

Thank you, Anon.

#vespertine #answered #anonymous #long post #drama cw #rp harassment #callout culture

2 notes · View notes

medeafive · 4 years

Link

Chapters: 7/? Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov Characters: Natasha Romanov (Marvel), James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Nick Fury, Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Sharon Carter (Marvel) Additional Tags: Vampires, I only write AUs now don't ask, Vampire Hunters, Going for dark and gritty here, Set in Prague because I love it, Suicide mentions, Late 90s Summary:

She's good. Really good. She's done this longer than almost anyone else and no one tracks vampires down better than her. That's the only thing that matters. Hunt and kill. He has white eyes and a black cloak. He's either an impostor or, judging by the color of his eyes, the most dangerous vampire she's ever met. And he's not going to leave her alone.

He's in and out. She got him to the place, his place, not much different than one of her apartments, but he hasn't opened his eyes since. She pulled all the curtains already, before the sun even comes up, and now she's sitting at the bedside, staring at the gray skin of his face dissolving.

No, she has to. She takes the knife and cuts her finger, holding it over his mouth. He twitches when the first drop of blood hits his lips. The second drop and his tongue darts out, licking it up. She presses out more. "James? You hear me?"

He groans, licking up more. "Blood."

She lowers her finger so he can lick it, then puts it into his mouth. His tongue darts over the cut again and again. "I can give you more," she whispers. "Just say it."

He nods weakly, sucking on her finger. She breathes in and takes the blade to her palm. Stings. He laps it up eagerly. His skin still looks awful, red blisters, open wounds, gray colour.

He's careful not to suck too much but she can tell he's hungry. They sit there until the sun goes up, until the cut in her palm starts closing. His head drops back, eyes closed. She should tell the others where she is, before they get worried. She texts Clint that she's fine but she won't be back soon.

He really looks bad. She's worried. She grabs a water bottle, finds she's thirsty herself and drinks before nudging his head up to do the same. Spills a lot but they work it out. "Better?" she asks quietly. "Do you want more blood?"

He groans, head dropping back, swallowing. "Don't wanna- don't wanna hurt you."

"I'm fine," she assures him. "I've got enough blood."

His nostrils flare. She takes the knife again, cutting her other palm. He laps it up greedily, tongue sliding over the wound again and again. His skin is not getting any better. Damn, she should stop worrying. When he's done, she gives him more water. He closes his eyes, head resting on the pillow, slurring his words. "I'll sleep. Don't- don't worry."

He's out so quick. She goes to the bathroom, drinks more water. No food in the apartment. She drops the blinds on the window where the sun is indirectly streaming in. She's hungry but also sick with worry. He's totally asleep, not even breathing. The skin comes off in big chunks. She dials.

"Hey?" Bruce asks. "Natasha?"

She sighs, walking over to the kitchen and closing the door behind her. "Hey. It's me."

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah, yeah." She rubs her eyes. "Me, yeah. But he- he got hit with a UV light and his skin is literally falling off and I don't know what to do."

"Is he dying?" Bruce asks.

She groans. "I don't know. Do you- do you have any idea what I could do? To help him?"

"I don't know anything about vampire medicine," Bruce replies hesitantly. "Do you have- could you do a blood transfusion? With vampire blood?"

She has some left, but that's hidden in her room in the tower. "No. I gave him some of my blood. And water."

"Be really fucking careful with that," Bruce advises. "Your health comes first. Are you at his place?"

"Yes," she replies, not thinking about the implications of whether it's really his place.

"Check whether he has any specific chemicals around," Bruce orders. "He'd probably know. Formaldehyde has been a theory of mine."

She digs around. There are some syringes in the fridge. Checks the label. "Yeah. Formaldehyde solution."

"You could try injecting him that," Bruce suggests. "Maybe ask him first. Is he awake?"

"Not really," she mutters, closing the fridge. "Okay, I'll try. Thank you, really."

"No problem, Natasha," Bruce replies.

She hangs up and walks over into the bedroom. His eyes open. "Oh. Found it."

She sits down on the bedside again, careful with the syringe. "Does this help?"

"Yeah," he rasps. "But I'll be fine anyway."

She snorts, staring at the skin peeling off. "You don't look fine."

"If you could-" He closes his eyes. "That would be great. Neck."

He turns his neck carefully, where the skin looks less bad. She breathes in, leaning over him. Puts her hand on first, to warm him up. He hisses slightly when the needle punctures his skin.

She caresses his hair. Her stomach's still churning. He closes his eyes. "Mhm. I'll sleep again. Don't worry, really."

He's fast asleep almost immediately. She pulls all the blinds, flooding the room in darkness, and returns to the kitchen, putting the empty syringe back. She's really hungry but she can't go out like this. Fighting suit. Vampire blood on it. She locks herself in the bathroom, dousing the suit down, then climbs under the shower herself. Tired. She's tired. Low battery. Stays under the shower really long.

She slips into the dark bedroom, trying to find a stash of clothes of some kind. Doesn't have night vision, though. She bumps into something that drops to the ground noisefully. Fuck. The bedsheets rustle. "Mhm. Hey."

"Hey," she replies. "I'm looking for clothes."

"Left," he says. "Lower. Yeah, in there."

She pulls out something that feels like a shirt and something that feels like tactical pants. "Got it. I'll head out to get something to eat. Are you going to be okay here?"

"Yeah," he replies. "Thanks. Don't worry."

"You keep saying that, it's not really reassuring," she remarks, making her way through the darkness back to the door. "Should I get you anything? Not food but… anything?"

"No, don't think so," he states. "Maybe water, but not really."

"You still got almost a dozen bottles," she agrees. "Okay. Sleep, I'll be back soon."

The shirt is too big, which was not really a problem but looked kinda weird, and she rolled the pant legs up and tied them around the waist with her garotte. The woman in the bakery looked very suspicious of her but when she ordered with a nice fangless smile, it was okay. Kids these days. She wonders whether she looks young still.

She eats two rohlíky before she's even back, and it feels great. The bedroom is still dark. She opens the door, indirect light streaming in. He's asleep. She grabs another rohlík and sits down on the bedside. His eyelids flutter. "Mhm. Oh. You're really back."

"Where else would I be?" she asks, chewing. The skin is still coming off in gray flaps the size of her thumb, which is not very appetizing, but she's hungry. "You don't look better."

"It's better," he insists, pulling one of the skin flaps off, the new skin beneath still rosy and thin but intact. "Just have to shed the dead skin first."

"Urgh." She shudders. "I could swear I was hungry just a few seconds ago."

"Sorry." He sits up slightly. "I should let you eat. Uh, one thing though."

"I'll go over into the kitchen," she says. "Yeah?"

"When you came over, before you went out," he starts. "Did you not think I would wake up or did you just not care that I can see in the dark?"

She shrugs. "Didn't care."

"Okay." He leans back again. "Feel free to go eat. I'll… I'll deal with this."

"Thanks for reminding me," she chastises, getting to her feet. "Just what I wanted to hear before my meal."

She eats two koláčes, too, and drinks an entire bottle of juice. The cuts in her palms have formed scabs. She hears him go to the bathroom at one point but doesn't pay attention to that. The sun goes down again. He's back in bed when she returns, most of the gray gone from his skin, though it's still open at some points, crusting with dark blood. "You're really tired, aren't you."

"Yeah." He shakes his head. "You know, you really don't have to stay. I'll be fine."

"Come on," she replies, pulling the blinds up. "Like I'd be super busy otherwise."

"I should probably sleep some more," he states.

"Yeah." She walks back to the bed, sitting down. "You look better, though."

"You were really worried, weren't you?" he asks.

She snorts. "Yeah. Of course. You idiot."

"Prime chance to get rid of me," he remarks. "And you missed it."

"Didn't just miss it," she specifies. "Hit it on the head with a hammer. Smashed its skull in. Tore its heart out."

He grins, fangs peeking out. "You got him, right? The second one."

"Put a silver bullet in his skull," she says. "That usually works."

"Yeah," he agrees, head dropping back on the pillow. "Usually."

The skin is still coming off in places. She doesn't want to tear on it, though. His eyes are red and swollen. She strokes over his hair, which is remarkably soft. "You really had me worried there," she mutters. "Don't die on me. I've already lost too many."

"Won't," he whispers, pressing against her hand. "Promise."

She leans over and kisses him softly, lips cold at first but warming up quickly. Strokes his face. His fingers come to tangle in her hair, she feels the claws. She bites his lip carefully, making him groan. She swings a leg over, his hands come to her hips, she presses her entire body against him to turn the cold block of stone into a living, breathing human. It becomes hot very quickly. She likes how his body responds to her touch, how he comes alive, it arouses her. She kisses him heatedly.

He pulls her in, strong, against him, arms wrapping around her. She feels the cold metal parts. That and the fangs. Everything else is human. She rocks against him, open-mouthed kisses, he groans again, rumbling in his throat, breathing her in constantly. His fingers dig into her back, release before the claws come into play. She pushes up slightly, catching her breath, looking down at his face. "You're not going back to Schmidt," she whispers, caressing his cheek. "You can't go back to him."

He groans, pressing her hips down against him. "I don't wanna go back. Ever."

"Come with me," she purrs, pressing little kisses to his jaw. "Join us. We'll figure it out together."

"Figure what out?" he asks. "They'll only try to kill me."

"They won't," she replies. "I promise. Please. We could get rid of Schmidt."

"He's too strong," he says. "They are too many. We'll all get killed."

She sits up. "I'd rather die than watch you go back to him."

He sighs, rubbing his eyes. "I can't ask that of you."

"You don't have to," she replies. "I'm a hunter. I already signed up for hunting vampires until I die."

He snorts. "Right. Great."

"They're better than you think," she says. "And if there's a chance we can get Schmidt… Everyone in their right mind would take it."

He closes his eyes. "I'm too tired for this."

"Sure, sleep," she agrees, moving off of him. "I should maybe go home, before they really start worrying. That is, if you don't need anything."

"I'm good, really," he replies. "Go home. I can take care of myself."

She pecks his lips again. "Get well soon. I'll see you."

"We're going for a run," Pepper announces. "Do you want to join us?"

She's no good at running. "Yeah. Sure. Just a second, I'll change."

Running in the evening has to be well-planned in order not to go over sundown so most people run in the morning, especially in summer when the sun comes up around four or five a.m. Still not many people, though. You can do without a lot of things when they're risky.

Sharon and Pepper look way more professional when she comes down onto the street, stretching and talking. "Oh hey," Sharon says, ponytail whipping around. "There you are. Is by the river fine?"

"Sure." She shakes her hair out, tying it together, ignoring the nervousness.

"I have to say, I quite like Prague," Sharon remarks, running off. "Everything I've seen so far."

"It's pretty run-down, though," Pepper objects. "Not like Munich, I imagine."

"I mean, it would be even nicer if they renovated some houses and the plaster wasn't peeling off everywhere," Sharon acknowledges. "But still, it has flair. History. Just the powder tower, I really like that sort of thing."

"Then it's good that you're here," Pepper concludes. "So, Nat. Bruce said you had to play nurse."

She hates running and talking. "Oh. Yeah."

"The UV lights are getting more and more common," Pepper remarks. "Especially in the wealthier neighborhoods. Maybe that will turn the tide in the long run."

"He looked burnt," Natasha breathes.

"Oh yeah," Sharon agrees solemnly. "Those UV beams are really effective. You have some in your suit, Pepper, right?"

"Yes," Pepper confirms. "Though they are a little too slow for a fight. There are many around the tower, though."

"Traps," Natasha remarks.

"I mean, I'm sure it's not great for him," Sharon relents. "Do you have a name for him, by the way?"

"Winter Soldier," Pepper supplies. "But nobody actually calls him that."

"James," Natasha feels compelled to whisper.

"James," Pepper repeats. "And I understand if you take his side on the UV lights but we just have to keep us safe."

"I'm not taking his side!" Natasha protests.

"Yes, you are," Sharon says in the most friendly annihilating tone. "And that's okay. As long as it's not endangering us."

Natasha groans, slowing to a walk. "Could we- just slow down a bit?"

They drop in line with her, hardly increased breathing. Oh, this is worse. "You clearly have a special relationship," Sharon points out. "Unheard of. And that's very useful, potentially."

She really doesn't like this. "But your safety is still more important," Pepper stresses. "All of our safety. Don't take this the wrong way, but in the end, he's… still a vampire."

Natasha comes to an abrupt halt. "You know what, I'm going back. Not feeling well."

They exchange a knowing look, which is the worst. "Are you sure?" Pepper asks.

"Yes," Natasha returns, turning on her heel. "Don't mind me. Enjoy your run."

She doesn't react to the first knock. The second knock either. "Are you okay?" Clint's voice asks.

She groans loudly, staring at the ceiling. "Can I come in?" Clint asks.

"Just a second," she calls, blinking as if that would help. "Okay. Come in."

The door opens. Clint leans in. "So."

She groans again, sitting up, rubbing through her hair. It's a mess. It's all a mess. "You think you're making a mistake," Clint observes.

As if it were that easy. "Maybe. I don't know. Just- I think I care too much. I shouldn't. I really shouldn't."

"Yeah, well," Clint remarks. "Can't exactly turn that off."

She scoffs, pulling the sleeves over her palms, hugging her knees into her chest. He walks in, pulling the door closed. "You cut yourself, didn't you."

"He was dying," she hisses. "Well, maybe he wasn't, but he pretty much looked like it."

"And now you're defensive about it," Clint points out.

She groans again. If only he were wrong. "What about it?"

"Look, this job is merciless," he says. "And this world is merciless. So when it gives you something nice for a change, no matter how twisted… maybe you should just take it. Carefully, but take it."

"I had nice things," she remarks. "They all died."

He snorts. "Let me tell you, life is too short to let nice things pass you by. Too short not to get attached. Learned that the hard way."

"I'm sorry about Bobbi," she states.

"Don't be," he says. "I fucked that one up. Thoroughly. Not getting another chance. So don't fuck yours up, too. You don't want to end like me."

"Great advice," she remarks sarcastically. "Was there anything you wanted, other than moping?"

"We're having a strategy meeting," Clint explains. "I mean, if you wanna. It's just the fate of the city. If you'd rather mope."

She groans for the last time, swinging her legs off the bed. "Coming, coming. Gimme a second."

"Oh, yeah," Clint remarks. "You should take a second to fix your hair, too."

"Wilson and Stark spotted a hunting party around the Rieger park," Fury states, pointing on the map. "Here. Three vampires, all male. There must be a hiding place somewhere."

"Yeah," Tony interrupts, drawing a circle around. "Somewhere in this area."

"We should run recon," Pepper remarks, twisting her earlobe in concentration. "Before we engage. If we engage."

"Obviously," Fury states. "Three trained killer vampires is a big deal. We're not moving in before we've shined a light up their asses from all directions."

"The television tower is here," Clint points out. "Here's the School of Economics. Train station."

"It's really close," Sam remarks, rubbing his neck. "It bothers me we didn't spot them earlier."

"Maybe they moved," Sharon suggests. "Hunting parties do that every once in a while, to draw less attention."

"Romanoff," Fury demands. "Are you up for it?"

She doesn't feel up for it. "Yeah. Sure."

"Take Carter with you," Fury orders. "And either Barton or Wilson. You'll stake out there every night until you know their habits in and out. Don't engage. Hide your scents-"

A door slams closed somewhere above.

Everyone tenses up. There's steps, almost silent. They're hardly armed, though. The steps come closer. The black cloak sweeps down the stairs, slowly, carefully.

His skin looks better, though still crusted and red in places. He stops after the stairs. Nobody moves. His eyes hitch on her briefly, then move on around.

"Hello," he says. "I'm afraid I need your help."

#buckynat #natasha romanoff #black widow #bucky barnes #winter soldier #vampire au #fanfic #my writing #chapter 7 #I'll post the whole thing to tumblr with a master post and all as soon as... I manage to

6 notes · View notes