#under a read-more for suicide

[asgardian--angels]

Izzy Discourse Masterpost

Hey all, given the amount of awful splintering and wank happening in ofmd fandom rn regarding Izzy's death, including the flat-out immature and unacceptable harassment of David Jenkins and Co, I wanted to just make this one all-encompassing post to address the various grievances and complaints I've seen (almost entirely on Twitter). If I've missed anything, please feel free to add on. I'm putting most of this under a read-more for length.

Please be aware, I say all of this as an Izzy fan. I've loved his character since season 1, and while I was sad to see him go, I completely understand and support David & Co's reasons for concluding his arc, and I think it was done respectfully in a way fitting to his character. So let's break down some of the takes I've seen. I am not referencing specific posts or people here, I just want to address the general themes that I keep seeing about why some people are upset.

Izzy's death served no narrative purpose.

Look, this is one that I'm sure fans will debate for the rest of the hiatus. It's completely within your right to disagree with this writing choice, but Izzy's death did serve a narrative purpose in the story that David Jenkins is telling - and he has spoken to this end in several interviews already. I can only summarize here, and fans may find other perspectives in time as well. What we need to remember is that Our Flag Means Death is, at the end of the day, Ed and Stede's love story. That has been made abundantly, explicitly clear. The show has been fantastic at fleshing out the other supporting characters, but that's what they are - supporting characters. They often have their own subplots but ultimately the narrative seeks to move Ed and Stede's story forward and they are tools to spur Ed and Stede's growth or mirror their struggles. Izzy has been a wonderfully complex, multifaceted character but we must remember that all characters are vessels through which stories are told, lessons are imparted, and metaphors are established. He's not a real person who 'deserves' any particular fate. David said he's always intended for Izzy to die at the end of his arc.

Firstly, Izzy (now canonically, through his own dying words) represents part of Blackbeard. He enabled and encouraged Ed's darker side, they were mutually toxic forces to each other. Ed is attempting to cope with and move on from this phase of his life, and like Stede in season 1, set out a free man, unshackled by expectations and loose ends of those he's hurt and been hurt by (though we realize this is an ongoing process that takes time). This lovely gifset sums it up nicely, with Izzy being the Mary parallel, and making s2 mirror s1. Blackbeard is both Ed and Izzy; Ed cannot be free of Blackbeard while Izzy is in his life, and when Izzy is gone he will never truly be Blackbeard again. They are each other's rotting leg!! Yet, they love each other - and David has said that for Ed, this has developed into a mentor and father relationship, and where Ed has previously despised his father figures (his actual father, Hornigold) he does not want to lose Izzy. This time, Izzy brings out Ed, not Blackbeard - and that's where we get the callback to 'there he is', bringing their impact on each other full circle, freeing Ed, getting approval of sorts that he never had, to be soft, to be loved (and there are parallels to Zheng and Auntie here as well that others have made) from that force that drove him to stay in line all this time. David has said in multiple interviews now that he was going for the idea of the mentor/father figure dying and the hero living on and trying to do justice to them.

From Izzy's side, Izzy cannot be free while Edward remains either (Mary cannot find peace while Stede remains). The scar never truly healed, the leg will always be a reminder. At this point the argument becomes 'yes, but why did he have to die? Why not just sail off with the crew of the Revenge?' David has stated that he feels they've done everything they can with, and for, Izzy; he's come leagues from season 1, he's found community, he's found hope, he's found new parts of himself, and he's made good memories. He's found worth outside of what he can be to others. That's more than most pirates could hope for. Where would his character go from there, when the Golden Age of Piracy he belongs to has burned to the ground? Would he stay around and whittle on the Revenge? If he were a real person, yes, that would be lovely, and he'd deserve all the quiet peaceful happiness in the world. But as I explain several points below, he's not interested in being a captain. He's not up for the hard physical labor of regular crew, and he's extremely overqualified for that besides. He has served his narrative purpose, and symbolically, to enter a new age, everything must go. He's connected to the old age of piracy, to the Republic of Pirates, that is now demolished. To him, fighting for what he believes in, for the family he's found, bringing down an army of British twats in the process, is how he should go. It's a pirate's death, and as Izzy's said, he's a pirate - unlike Blackbeard who's succeeding in breaking away from piracy, Izzy never wanted to stop being a pirate, throughout his arc. To me, that's why Izzy remains trapped in the narrative, trapped in history, whereas Ed and Stede will escape history. They leave piracy, and canon, behind, while Izzy was content to remain a pirate and face a pirate's fate.

Burying him on land, right next to Ed and Stede's beach house, shows that his sacrifice was not in vain - they start this new life together, thanks to Izzy's mentorship, his role in their lives that sometimes for worse, sometimes for better, made their love what it was and made their breakaway possible. The new age is built on the foundations of the old age, and is stronger for it.

As we're well aware by now, David tweeted that there's no version of ofmd without Izzy. Whether that's literal or not, symbolically it's true. Izzy's arc of growth affected everyone on the Revenge. Jim fondly remembered fighting for a time when life meant something on that ship; the crew helped give Izzy new meaning in life, and he helped them in return. When he dies, they mourn and have a funeral; that wouldn't have happened under Blackbeard's watch in episode 2. His life meant something to them. He influenced Ed and Stede immensely, and they will take that with them. As David's said, they're all a family, and Izzy was a part of that family, and his loss unites them and brings them closer to continue to fight for that family they've built. It's a tragic, sudden death of someone they've all grown to care for, and that steels their reserve to keep the torch lit. They literally sail off into the sunset to hunt down Ricky to avenge Izzy; he will always be a part of this show. And, of course, with the brief appearance of seagull Buttons, the door is left open for anything.

If this was The Izzy Show, then sure, we'd be content to see him simply engaged in shenanigans every episode. But the plot, and therefore the characters, need to keep moving forward, and Izzy got his growth and development. He got what he needed for his character to have closure, and he served his symbolic narrative purpose in Ed's (and Stede's) story. You may have your own ideas and perspectives, and that's great - that's what fandom is for. But we cannot say his death was pointless when David Jenkins and the writers clearly had a well-defined motive for pushing the narrative in this direction. I actually think the narrative around Ed and Izzy is the most well-developed in the entire show. I for one am so happy we got such an interesting and complex character, and had the brilliant Con O'Neill to portray him.

Izzy's growth & healing arc was rendered pointless by his death.

As this post so eloquently puts it, it's pretty bleak to have the outlook that taking steps to heal and find meaning in life is worthless if it's later lost. Seeking happiness and self-actualization is worthwhile for its own sake; no one knows what's down the road, and we all die eventually. Find meaning in life now. Would you rather have had Izzy not miss with his bullet in ep2? He was given the chance to experience joy, freedom, and hope for the first time in potentially a long time, and when he died he did so with those happy memories. As mentioned, Izzy's death was decided long beforehand given the narrative, and the point of storytelling is to make you feel emotions. We were given impetus to connect and relate to Izzy's character through his process of healing, so when he did die, we felt it keenly. That's how stories work actually! We felt what Ed felt. It moved us. It's not a bad thing that Izzy's arc made him more likeable to fans before his death. It's not a bad thing to lose a beloved character - guess what, it happens constantly in stories - and it's not bad to grieve over it either, but to say that it made his journey pointless is just not true. People saying that Con must be upset that they snatched his character away from him after getting to develop him so much - again I say, would you rather him have died in ep 2 before he had the chance to grow? Or how about in s1, when the crew tried to mutiny? How'd you feel when Stede killed him in his dream, in the very first scene of the season? I think Con's probably glad for the opportunity to have explored this character so much in season 2. Ask him if he thinks it was pointless.

Killing off Izzy was bad for queer rep/burying your gays/"Izzy was the queer heart of the show"

I'm putting 'bury your gays' on the top shelf so people can't use it when it doesn't actually apply. Most of the main cast of characters in this show are queer, and it's a show about pirates with a good amount of violence. Ergo, chances are a queer character will die in the course of Things Happening In Stories. Izzy didn't die because he was queer, and he wasn't the token queer rep. Please turn your attention to the boatloads (literally) of queer characters that are happy and thriving (how about the LuPete wedding immediately afterwards??). As for Izzy being the "queer heart of the show," this is literally the Ed and Stede show. You know, the two queer leads whose queer love the show revolves around, per David Jenkins himself. I'm glad folks connected with and derived joy from Izzy's growth and especially his performance in Calypso's birthday, but he is not the main character of the show. The queer heart of the show is in fact, the entire show, all of their characters and the community & found family they create aboard the Revenge. Not to mention the fan community as well. Izzy was never carrying the show's representation on his back, and frankly that's an absurdly wild take to have (esp when he spent most of s1 actively working against the main queer relationships in the show, attempting to maintain the oppressive status quo of pirate society).

It was bad and irresponsible to have a suicidal character die

Are we forgetting the entire first half of the season where Ed, who was suicidal, kept trying to passively kill himself because he felt he was an unlovable monster, only to be shown that he is in fact loved unconditionally and it gives him the strength to fight for life and triumph against his own self-doubt? The show has spent quite a lot of effort telling viewers that despite feeling damaged or broken you are worthy of love and that you are loved even if it may be hard to see it when you're in a bad place. That you don't need to be fully healed to deserve love and care, and that love and support will help you along your journey. It's incredibly wild to disregard this major plot point and fundamental message of s2 to try and spin this the opposite way for Izzy's character.

Secondly, where are people getting 'Izzy is suicidal' from? Are we going back all the way to episode 2, when he's at his lowest point and fails at his suicide attempt, only to be figuratively reborn after removing the metaphorical rotten leg? By the time of the finale he's shown to be in a good place, thanks to the arc of healing and growth he's gotten, through the support of the Revenge crew and his 'breakup' with Blackbeard allowing him to find his own way in life, realizing he doesn't need a purpose to have value and enjoying his time on the Revenge and the bonds he's made with Stede and the crew. He is, in the words of Ivan, "the most open and available I've ever seen him" by the finale. To take episode 2 as evidence he's suicidal is to erase his whole season of growth, which is an ironic thing to do in the context of these arguments. There's no canon evidence Izzy Hands was suicidal post-'Fun and Games'.

As for 'irresponsible,' once again I say, David Jenkins is not your therapist, he's not 'Dad,' and has no responsibility to tell his story any other way than he intended to tell it. Please find media that gives you what you want or need, and if the death of a fictional character causes you this much distress please seek help. I mean this kindly but seriously.

Killing off Izzy was ableist/bad for disability rep.

I point once again to the rest of the characters, several of which are disabled in varied ways. There are literally multiple other amputee characters specifically. It's not good storytelling to wholly avoid killing off any character that is disabled/queer/poc/female or [insert marginalized group here], especially when a) it makes sense narratively, and b) there's plenty of representation of these groups in the media in question. The answer isn't making such characters invincible and immortal, it's increasing the number of these characters in shows so it's not devastating when some do die in the course of natural storytelling.

OFMD was my comfort show/safe space show, now it's ruined for me

I am not trying to be insensitive here when I say that's a problem that is yours and nobody else's. David Jenkins created this show with a three-season vision and a story in mind, and he is telling that story to the best of his ability the way he wants to. It's already been said that he and the crew did not anticipate the fandom becoming as large and passionate as it has. The plot of the show was never intended to be 'fan service,' and it's ironic that there were people complaining this season that there's been too many fanservice tropes, up until David and the rest of the writers room made a narrative decision they did not like, then the complaints changed to not coddling the fans enough.

We as viewers can derive joy from this show, it can be a comfort to us, it can be important to us. But it was not designed specifically for that purpose, therefore it cannot fail in that respect. We do not have the right to harass writers for not steering the ship in the direction we want - it's their work of art, and we can choose to either come along for the ride or not. It's rare to see creators actually given the chance to tell their story the way they intend (budget cuts aside), so let him do that. He should not cater to fans, or cave and change the story to appease us. Respect his right to create his art, and remember you have the right to create your own. That's what fanfiction is for - write fix-its to your heart's content, but keep these realms separate. David Jenkins and Co hold zero, and I mean zero, responsibility to you. He could not please everyone no matter what he did, it would be fruitless to try, and it would certainly compromise the quality of the story he set out to tell.

You are absolutely allowed to dislike choices made in any show. Curate your media experience. If this show no longer brings you joy, stop watching. But it was never David's purpose nor responsibility to juggle the mental health of millions of fans. Trying to put that on him will only make him less enthusiastic about interacting with fans or continuing to make this show. This isn't rocket science. You're responsible for yourself, not this guy you call 'Dad' that you've developed a parasocial-therapist relationship with.

Izzy should have become captain of the Revenge.

Really?? Firstly, we did actually get that already in s1. He was tyrannical and the crew mutinied. But even if you think 'well after his character arc he'd be better suited to it,' it goes against the point of this arc. He's found value in not having a distinct role or purpose on the ship, decoupling his worth from the job he's expected to perform. He's found his place amongst the crew, not commanding it. There's no narrative reason to put him in charge when he's expressed no further interest in slotting himself back into a role full of pressure and expectations.

Con O'Neill was only told halfway through filming, it's cruel to just kill off the character he loves so much.

Guys, he's an actor. More than that, an actor with a theater background. I think he's used to characters dying. You don't need to look out for him. Con and David spoke one on one about it at length so they were on the same page, and David even said that Con took it well. I'm sure Con had input, just as other members of the cast have influenced their characters' stories, costumes, backstories, etc. Do you really think David Jenkins hurt Con's feelings or something? The writers (remember, it's not just David, it's a whole team of hard-working people coming up with these ideas) gave Con such a chance to shine this season, really developing Izzy beyond what he was given in s1 and letting Con show off his full acting range. Why are you only focusing on the destination rather than the journey? Sure, Con's probably sad to see Izzy go, but please do not project your distress onto him or try and accuse David & Co of being 'cruel' to their cast. That's really ridiculous. It's constantly evident how close they all are.

More importantly, do you actually, seriously think that Con O'Neill would want fans to harass each other or the writers over his character? The man who preaches being kind above all? There is no better way to make an actor uncomfortable about a show and its fanbase than to start treating fictional characters like they're more important than real people. He would not want you to bully people over Izzy Hands, and it's mind-boggling that some of you have convinced yourself otherwise.

Lastly, I just want to talk about the fact that some people are holding OFMD to absurdly high expectations.

Our Flag Means Death has been a pioneer series for its diverse representation, earnest storytelling, and themes of hope, community, and love. It's fine to discuss aspects of the show with a critical eye, but so much of the discourse has truly felt like folks are trying to find fault in a show that is leagues ahead of the average tv series that we still enjoy. How many fan favorites are killed off all the time? How many plotlines are scrapped, or drawn out without closure, or contradicted the very next season? How many shows are indifferent or actively hostile towards their fanbase? How many have any queer characters, or actually do bury them? The bar's so low, and OFMD has risen above to give us so much. Some are holding the show to astronomical expectations, waiting for it to fall from the pedestal it's been placed on. If something you don't like happens in the show, it's not suddenly ruined or demoted to being ~just as bad as those other shows~. Give them some breathing room, have some perspective on how progressive the show is, and that perfection is impossible, especially meeting every single viewer's idea of it. This is basically a repeat of the recent Good Omens drama, with an absurd number of people harassing Neil Gaiman for breaking up Aziraphale and Crowley and leaving the second of three acts on a very predictable cliffhanger. Let stories be told, let them unfold as they may, and you are free to leave anytime. It's so wonderful that more queer love stories are becoming popular and even mainstream, but let's not shoot ourselves in the foot by tearing them down when they don't go exactly the way you want it, which often seems to mean no drama, no character deaths, and therefore no conflict or even plot!

Just, please be civil human beings, and while this seems to be a difficult thing for so many fandoms to do, just keep your fan opinions in the fan space. Never bring your grievances to the writers, never bully them and persecute them for telling a story that you opted into viewing. That's something that goes entirely against everything this show, and this cast and crew, have imparted onto us - the importance of kindness, support, community, and love. I'll say it again because it bears repeating: the fate of a fictional character is never more important than how you treat real people. Just be kind in real life, which includes the internet. Thanks.

Now please, let's work together to ensure we get a season 3. There's so much more story to be told, and if you want to see Izzy back, whether that's as flashbacks, as a ghost haunting the inn, or in the gravy basket, we'll need more episodes! #RenewAsACrew

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #and after this i will speak of it no more ok #now once we're all calmed down i am really looking forward to meta about izzy's role in the narrative #i truly think izzy's one of the most well written characters on not just this show but on tv lately in general #suicide mention tw #I tried to put a read more under the first bullet point but tumblr's formatting basically deleted it #by automatically overriding it with an Expand #so sorry about the length and such

[ikamigami]

So today's episode was a funny one..

Like first things first wow even Catnap who is literally a gag character in this show sees that Sun needs help..

Second Sun told a suicide joke hmmmmm..

Hmmmmmmmmmm interesting Sun talking about such a thing in a joking manner while spilling his mind to a complete rando being completely unhinged really makes one think..

Also when Sun was listing things that are reasons for Catnap to not be in this dimensions are mainly things that are stressing him out..

Interestingly enough he didn't mention Eclipse at all.. hmmmm..

Hmmmmmmmm could that be that Sun was actually lying that Eclipse is stressing him out so much? Hmmmmmm...

Like I was waiting for him to say or scream that "my worst enemy got back to life!" but nothing like that happen..

This episode proves me right on so many things regarding Sun and I'm very happy about it ^^

#sun and moon show #sams #sams sun #sun and moon show sun #sams spoilers #message to all haters under the read more #tw suicide

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

good news I'm not currently suicidal

bad news I have yet another second or third degree burn

#personal #tw suicide #tw sh #(more details hopefully below the read more so don't click on this if you don't want details of burn) #another tag to make sure it gets under the read more #i think it's just second degree but like it blistered very quickly and the skin kind of came off #not full thickness i don't think #but it will defs scar and also be very annoying until it's finished healing #and it was. easy. scarily easy. im a little shaken #also it hurts like hell lol

[lysspossum]

I hate how MEAN anxiety and hunger make me

I don’t want to be mean, I don’t want to be short with people, I don’t want to snap at people

I try to keep snacks but every once in a while I just don’t feel hunger at all until it gets BAD.

Cw for suicidal ideation under the readmore

Also ughhhhhh suicidal ideation creeping back in. I need a therapist but also I don’t want to see a therapist because it always ends the same.

I’ve been living day to day for my entire adulthood and some of high school. I don’t know what to do but keep doing the same I’ve always done.

I just don’t have any hope of any kind of future where I’m able to provide for myself and live in my own place. I feel increasingly separated from anyone my own age, increasingly unable to relate to them at all.

I’m just sad and I don’t know what else to do. I hate that it’s far easier to envision dying early than to be able to imagine any sort of stable future for myself.

#cw for suicidal ideation #under the read more

[bisexualspongebob]

i’ll be honest. i might end up going to a hospital or an intensive day program or some shit like that. talked a lot with my therapist today. i’m very clearly suicidal, and i will not do anything to myself within the next 24 hours but within this next week i really can’t tell. i literally am losing all of my purpose in life. i’m not as talented as everyone else in my life and i don’t have the drive to get better. does that make me useless? i don’t know. but i’m tired and over living. and i don’t want anyone to care about me if i die.

but for some reason i’m still alive. and i probably will still be for a while. i need serious help. and i might go get it. if i go MIA at some point don’t get worried about me.

#dumb bullshit under read more #suicide mention #idk what else to tag as

[gay-nidoking]

I know I've posted about this before, but I don't understand the reasoning behind posting graphic images and videos of people dying and/or mutilated corpses

I 100% understand and support needing to get people to look at what's happening BUT I also believe that shocking people with dismembered bodies is both needlessly traumatizing without actually accomplishing anything and extremely disrespectful to the dead

#at least people are starting to put them under warnings/read mores #but my feeds are basically unusable rn unless the desired end result is my suicide #which i feel like it isn't #not just palestine either people do the same thing almost every time a black person gets murdered #kirby.txt

[zekkopunks]

i swear i take this game seriously

#suicide tw #mother 3 #shitpost #i swear check under the read more 😭 #zekko art

[cloudcountry]

my two moods while playing jihyun's route are "jihyun i love you, i want you to be safe and happy and love yourself, i want to make sure you know you can trust people and i want you to know that some things just couldn't be avoided because they were the decisions of other people and you couldn't have done anything to help or stop it even if you wanted to, and i know you aren't perfect but i love you anyways because you're trying to get better and improve and thats a beautiful thing." and "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOOSUNG."

#auburn talks mystic messenger <3 #okay so idk how long these tags are going to be but i have BEEF with this blond fella. #if you haven't played jihyun's route and dont want spoilers do not read these tags. also tw for suicide. #i get that hes grieving over rika and that she was really special to him #but under ZERO circumstances does that excuse yelling at jihyun and telling him that he was the reason rika killed herself. #that does not excuse telling mc you're jealous of her because she's with rika when you know damn well the situation is dangerous #that does not excuse CONTINUOUSLY saying that you're certain everything rika has done of her OWN VOLITION was jihyun's fault #that does NOT excuse saying that rika almost blinding jihyun was very a good reason. #he is so. fucking out of touch when everything he needs to know is right in front of him. #his denial is so frustrating and the fact that i can't call him out as mc is even more frustrating #you have no fucking right to blame jihyun for everything that happened while simultaneously glorifying rika's actions. #you are absolutely DESPICABLE and i CANNOT believe you. please get your fucking head on straight for the love of every star in the sky. #no have no right to talk about him like that. nobody has any right to talk about him like that. they were both very bad each other- #-and i CANNOT STAND the fact that you're acting like rika could never do any wrong even if she is a hurting soul #stop excusing her actions. you're so shameless and its infuriating.

[incaensio]

setting : district thirteen's infirmary, days one to three after the arena breakout.

it is the sting in her hand that wakes her up. instinctively, she raises that, only to find something fight back — her eyes ache as she opens them, only to realize she's in a hospital of sorts. the rush of panic is familiar as she believes herself to be in the capitol. of course. the plan — rebellion, however haymitch had put it — could never work. they haven't strapped her to bed, however, which is foolish. her head is hazy but anxiety is a powerful tool that pushes her to tug at the line set in her arm; she keeps her heart monitor (nevermind it is spiking) as she properly sits up, looking around to set herself. the curtains are drawn shut, but the privacy is not a cage — only a mask that keeps her from finding an exit, which is just as bad.

there's a chiffonier on top of which the big machine that monitored her heart rested. the sounds are louder now, how long until someone comes? she doesn't have the time to hesitate. so she doesn't. she goes through the drawers, finding all sort of useless things in the unlocked ones — silicone ties and gauze and a fluid bag or two — and, just as the she hears the sliding of the door, she secures a hand around a syringe, and falls back in bed, keeping the needle under the covers.

her nearby captor is dressed in all gray, other than the medical coat; there's a device in their wrist and they talk into it, something along the lines of she's awake. oh yeah, she's awake, katniss thinks. they approach to take her vitals and she pounces, sticking the needle in their neck — that is enough for them to stumble backwards, and katniss tries to push her own body forward; she slings her legs out of the covers and out of the bed, but her knees wobble and she falls to the floor. it is just enough time for another person to come and sting her with something else.

everything's black again.

———

when she wakes up again, the first thing she notices are the restraints. they keep her lying down, tight against the mattress, and, this time, there's no delay in the arrival of the medic. it's the same doctor, only they have some kind of bandage around their neck; katniss would smirk at that if she wasn't so groggy, or defeated that her attempt has failed.

"do you know your name?" the person's voice is a bit husky.

"don't act like you ain't fuckin' know it." katniss' own voice feels as if she has slept for days — she should feel that drop in her stomach as she realizes that's probably the truth, but it doesn't come. they've put her in something more powerful, then. that's bad.

"we need to be proper here." in hospitals in the capitol, they had mini computer screens — tablets, or holos — when they wrote down patient information. this person uses paper. that's odd.

"i ain't proper, haven't ya heard? where in the capitol are we?”

there's a pause then, but the person's expression doesn't change much. they've been doing this for a while, probably — it's the same look her mother has when she handles patients: impersonal, profissional, secure. even if the patient has just tried to kill them. katniss isn't sure either to respect this person or loathe them.

"we're in district thirteen, katniss everdeen. you've been brought here two days ago by haymitch abernathy, along with some more people from the capitol to join the cause against the tyranny of the capitol." well, that's a bunch of bullshit if she has ever known it. obviously, the capitol caught up to the hovercraft and captured them, and is now playing mind games. destroying her for her dare to fight back. they're fucking wrong if they think she will stop now. "you've broken two fingers in your left hand when you assaulted soldier abernathy. they're setting, and you'll be able to use your bow in no time." they want her armed, after she's just tried to kill them? that's either interesting or just dumb.

"it would be nice if you ate something, it has been a while since your last meal according to your bloodwork." the person is offering a plate of something that looks like oatmeal. katniss barely gives the food a glance before glaring at the medic. food is the last thing in her mind, and she'd rather starve herself than eat something from this fake district (it would be better if she did starve. a full circle, at last).

"what about haymitch?"

"he's alive, and his nose is back in place. you're not ambidextruous, so the hit wasn't precise."

that smile comes to her face now. then it falls, back to a scowl. what does she care that haymitch is alive if he's left peeta behind to die? she'd have preferred if he was dead. perhaps she'd have had better luck if she went for his throat rather than his face.

there's another moment of silence, and then katniss hears her own laughter bubbling out.

"soldier? haymitch?"

"we're all soldiers here. we're all fighting for the cause, mockingjay."

that takes away all the sardonic amusement from her face. she finally feels the cooling in her stomach.

"where's my family?”

that's the first thing that seems to distress the person. they look to the side, as if waiting for help. it comes swiftly, another spike in the medicine making her pass out.

they're dead too, then, is the last thing she thinks.

———

she doesn’t want to wake up a third time. she wants the drugs to take her forever. there’s a part of her that finds it amusing that they shall not have any mockingjay, that this is over for her, finally. then the softest, most familiar voice rings through the room. “can you remove these from her, please?” primrose. katniss’ breath becomes ragged even before she opens her eyes, but panic is halted at her sister’s gentle hand undoing the straps around her body; prim’s hands then go to her face, brush away a stray hair or two (they haven’t bothered braiding her hair, then. guess if she attacked a medic who went to take her vitals, trying to make her pretty is not worth it. this is truly not the capitol).

“katniss.” prim breathes. there are tears in her eyes. katniss finds that, as her vision blurs, she also her tears in her eyes. someone else comes in — katniss recognizes her mother, the now rare dread in her face. “katniss!” she’s less gentle than prim as she wraps her arms around her eldest daughter, and something is heavy in katniss’ throat at her mother’s worry for her. it feels foreign, but she doesn't flnch away. lilian pulls away and prim keeps a hand on katniss’ own, as lilian takes the other.

“am i dead?” it’s katniss’ own voice, that rough pattern that seems to have become her new tone. lilian’s face turns in a way that katniss has seen in the mirror sometimes — how ironic is that, that she has always been deemed her father’s mini me, yet it is lilian she has become — and she looks at prim, then back at katniss. “no, katniss. we’re in district thirteen. they- they’ve just taken us in.”

“yes, we’ve just arrived. we came straight to see you. we didn’t know if you were alive after the interview, the arena blew up just a bit after that, and they turned off all the tvs then.” prim is the one telling the story. she has a steadier voice, her little duck. one year ago, she turned to katniss’ side in bed in tears about her first reaping, and now she’s sitting at her death bed, comforting her as she tells what certainly is a fresh horror katniss is unaware of.

“katniss,” lilian has started again. katniss wonders if they have rehearsed this on the hovercraft. “we couldn’t have come any sooner.” a pause, and the two healers of the everdeen line look at one another. “katniss,” she’s getting tired of her own name. she’s getting sick of this.

“what?” annoyance is palpable. “spill it.” her insolence earns her lilian’s sad, shocked eyes. that’s nothing new. primrose looks at their mother, and, adding to katniss’ suspicion of an arrangement between the two, lilian stands up, saying she will check what they’re giving katniss. of course. mother always scrambles in times like this.

“after the power went out, we waited. we could tell something was coming. and then… we could hear the cars running up the road. all the peacekeepers left. then... after a while... they dropped the bombs.” katniss blinks. “they bombed twelve, katniss.” katniss is speechless in a way she has never been before. worse than when she couldn’t think of the right words. she just can’t think of anything. anything but they bombed twelve, katniss.

“because of me.” it’s the only thing she can say.

the volunteering for prim. the arrow to the gamemakers. the flowers for rue. the berries for peeta. the mockingjay dress by cinna, for the rebellion. bombs, for twelve. all pointless, because they're all dead (save from her sister, the first sacrifice, the only one that stuck).

“it’s my fault,” she can’t breathe. she tries to pull in the air, but she can not inhale, she can barely hear prim trying to tell her otherwise; she can not hear anything else but they bombed twelve, katniss. her hands, free for the first time in what feels like days, shoot up to her face, nails dragging across skin and then fingers curling around hairs and pulling until it hurts, until everything hurts.

someone holds her hands down — she thinks it’s prim, but when has prim gotten that strong? mother has found a syringe with one of the capitol/thirteen people, she’s approaching them — but she still can’t breathe properly and her chest hurts so bad she’s almost begging for the now familiar oblivion, the one that everyone from twelve must have asked for when they burned, scorched by real flames, to coal.

real twelve coal. katniss can hear herself laughing again.

then darkness embraces her as the loop restarts.

#suicide ideation tw #hospital tw #needles tw #violence tw #panic attack tw #self harm tw #drug use tw #— 𝐾. 𝐸. : written. #eventideevent04 #ptsd tw #attempted murder tw #under a read more because it is a whopping

[karmirage]

incomplete list of niche characters i restrained myself from submitting to the niche comic character tournament

Ryoko Sabuki/Radiance: 7 appearances. Granddaughter of Gwen Lou Sabuki, whom I did submit. Biggest sensation since Dazzler, which would mean more if Marvel remembered Ryoko existed. Light generation and manipulation, just like her grandma.

Ameiko Sabuki/Goldfire: 9 appearances. The dead sister of Ryoko. I don't think she ever even showed her face in her non-powered form.

Leyu Yoshida/Sunpyre: 9 appearances. The dead little sister of Shiro Yoshida/Sunfire.

Marnie/The Rumor: 9 appearances. Spider-Man side character. Badass old lady. Figured out Peter Parker = Spiderman in like two issues.

Takeshi Matsuya/Wiz Kid: 29 appearances. He's literally so funny to me. I think he should be allowed to say fuck.

Nuwa: 2 appearances, once in an X-Force annual and once in a Tabitha Smith oneshot story. Her personality shifts wildly between those two and they never elaborate on why.

Tamara Kurtz/Dragoness: 28 appearances. Evil and loving it. Has wings, but they're technological, not part of her mutation.

Rina Patel/Timeslip: 19 appearances. No hate to whoever submitted Robbie, but she is definitely the more niche New Warrior.

Georgia Dakei/DK: 13 appearances. I like it when teenagers sass tf out of adult characters I think it is so fucking funny.

Sybil Dvorak/Skein: 44 appearances. her original villain name was a slur and i am SO glad they changed it. canon sensory issues queen. Also evil and loving it. Canonically bisexual (for evil).

Larry Bodine: 1 appearance. This is the guy from New Mutants vol. 1 who killed himself after his classmates joked about outing him. Yes this is the issue of NM with Kitty's infamous slur speech.

Rebecca Littlehale/Lighttrakker: 3 appearances. Kid from Power Pack who could teleport to light sources she could see.

Helen Takahama/Jolt: 74 appearances, which makes her the least niche character here. I need to reread Thunderbolts. In MC2 (Mayday Parker's universe), she was an Avenger.

Charlie Burlingame/Charcoal: 41 appearances. Created by a reader via a Wizard magazine contest. Legal problems means that he was never brought back when he was killed off.

#what does niche mean? anything you want it to mean. i have more but these are the major ones under 100 appearances. #babygirl i have niche faves you cannot even comprehend. etc #river rambles #anyways i think everyone should have a villain fave who doesn't want/need redemption but you just think they're so neat anyways. #spices things up. #marvel #i am NOT tagging any of these guys. just know that i would write essays and comics about them if i had the time and money (which i don't) #cw suicide mention #THESE GUYS AREN'T EVEN THE MOST NICHE GUYS ON MY SPREADSHEET. seiji honda and his 'kind of autistic' 1 appearance swag <3 #1999 enigma.....forever in my heart. haven't even read that one issue yet but i will someday. #edit she (1999 enigma) actually in THREE issues.....💕💕💕

[decoysouled]

JOURNAL ENTRY // AETHER.

Date: 12th August Mood: 2/10. Daily Goal: Get tea with friends. Find the energy to make something to eat. Tea isn't happening anymore.

I need to learn to hide my feelings better. If someone as oblivious as Zhongli can pick up on the fact I've been sad, I must be showing it. I wonder if he asked because he cares or because it was annoying. I think it was the latter. I don't see why anyone would care about my feelings. I don't think he and Venti are getting along right now, considering he said he wouldn't get tea with us. I didn't even ask Venti after that. I didn't see a point.

I just wanted to spend time with my friends & forget about Lumine & my parents & everything else for just one hour. It was stupid of me to ask at all.

Before he started asking me things, Zhongli was talking about biodegradable urns being a scam... I wonder when I die, what would someone do with my body? I think I'd want my ashes to be scattered by the sea. I don't think anyone would care to do that or give me a funeral, really. Those are for people who are loved. Would anyone even show up if I had one? Would anyone even visit my grave? Although, it was a bit of an odd topic for a casual conversation... I wonder why he chose it, of all things.

Maybe it's a sign.

I think that I should make something to eat and then go to bed... People always tell me writing my feelings down helps, but I don't think it does. I feel worse than I did earlier. I feel hollow, like I'm not a person. I'm not enough of a person for anyone to want around, at least. Maybe I'll make some toast. This is just a hard time, it'll pass eventually. One day I'll stop dwelling on the things that hurt me.

Tomorrow will be better. Aether of the future will be happier, I just know it!

#& post — status update #source — discord #& fandom — genshin impact #100. ❝like i’m trapped inside a wrong dimension.❞ — aether #110. ❝you can come alive here.❞ — V4 ( modern ) #& verse — 4.2 ( of yellow roses ) #cw: depression #tw: suicidal ideation #( i put the bulk of the text under the read more just in case )

[arolesbianism]

Wendy and Abby fuck me up so bad just like in general but what keeps coming back to haunt me is wondering how long they had to go through it all just them two. How many times did Wendy die, how many times did Abby watch the light fading from the eyes of her twin. How many times was it slow, how many times was it in a split moment, how many times were they together when it happened, how many times did Wendy die completely alone. It's just like god damn no wonder Wendy talks Like That not only did Abby die but poor kid has been forced to become accustomed with death in a much more direct way than even adults are built to handle

#rat rambles #dst #and like if I may read more into these characters than was probably intended #I feel like a lot of abby's in game behavior just clicks once you look at her from a oh this kid has watched her sibling die a Lot #like no wonder shes so protective #also love how abby's constant wandering and twirling also adds up like yeah shes a bored kid with too much energy #but yeah I think ppl tend to not realize just how big a part being stuck in the constant is in regards to hashtag wendy depression moments #although its reasonable since not everyone has read all of this brats dialogue like me <3 #dont read all of wendy's dialogue you will feel your brain melting like 5 minutes in #but yeah wendy brings up the whole being stuck in the constant thing a Lot #and wendy is under no illusion that death is an escape in fact he brings up the fact that its not quite a bit too #oh and I think ppl get the flavor of wendy's suicidal thoughts wrong most of the time #hes currently much more in the go to sleep and not wake up flavor than the I want to be with my lost loved one flavor #its less abt wanting to die and more abt wanting to stop being able to be in pain #luckily thing have technically gotten better for the both of them #like ofc theyre still fucked up and traumatized and still Being traumatized but at least theyre not alone #theres some sense of normalcy. wendy has friends now and in theory so does abby. #they can afford to just be kids again. not always unfortunately but much more than before #shit still sucks but at least they have the other survivors now

[idolsummons]

Quick and simple written scar guide for Ren under the read more with definite trigger warnings mentioned in the tags.

Scarring up the left forearm as a result of years of cutting with various types of blades.

Scars left from cigarette burns, predominantly on his right thigh (though there are a couple on the left).

One long scar on his neck from a previous suicide attempt. He's never really proud of this regardless of if he's feeling good or if he's contemplating taking his life again and typically takes steps to cover it with makeup when he's unable to cover it with clothing.

#self harm tw #suicide tw #i was really just gonna put this under the read more with those warnings without the explanation up top like that wouldn't make ppl worry- #may or may not revise add or change as time goes on #little known facts ･ﾟ✫ hc (ren ishikawa)

[theboxfort]

Hehe hoo hoo, it's angst time (Mandela AU I guess ASKDJGALSDFG)

Pink fucking dies bay beeeeeeeeeeee

And a silly doodle page because

#pink draws #pinks ocs #pink ponk #blink black #green gronk #pinkdela catalogue #<-- tentative name but i don't want this in the main tag either sooooo #tw blood #tw suicide #<-- just in case because i mean. mandela catalogue is like that #that panel is under the read more tho. also just in case

[nintendont2502]

that fun moment when you realise some vaguely uncomfortable truths abt yourself but also you have No Clue what to do with them so you kinda just. ignore them

#turns out i may be more of a dirk kinnie than i originally thought #this is not a good thing #me.txt #dont read this i just need to get it out somewhere #so i. think i might be depressed #or like. my anxiety is *way* worse than i thought it was #idk i did a k10 test last night which is like a test therapists and psychologists and shit use to assess anxiety and depression levels #and apparently ive been experiencing 'high levels of distress' for the last four weeks #and it also linked a ton of anti suicide helplines and articles which i dont need but *fuck* that was kinda uh. #wild to see under an assessment of my mental health #idk #i had a really bad spiral yesterday which im still kinda riding out the after effects of now #so odds are i was projecting how shit i felt then onto the last four weeks #but still uh. not great i dont think #eh there isnt shit i can do abojt it

[cchickki]

if you post your fics on tumblr as a text post, then for the love of neptune would you PLEASE put all of that text under the ‘read more’ tag. scrolling past thousands and thousands of words in an untagged long post is already annoying, but if it’s explicit or triggering material that makes it worse - it should be under the ‘read more’ cut anyway.

#can’t even scroll without all these recommended fics taking up my entire feed #and like sorry I don’t want to be bombarded with suicidal content without being under the read more at 6am #i know I’m being a grumpy bitch but come on #txt #delete later maybe