#ugh tumblr always makes my writing seem bad

[tojjist]

𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐘 ↳ r. sukuna

in which: the king of curses left you the moment you announce your pregnancy to him. but after nearly losing you... he might be having a change of heart contains: very slight objectification of reader, reader is a half-curse, mentions of injury and near-death experience, reader is pregnant, slight mention of pregnancy sex, sukuna is really ooc tbh A/N: yall really wanted soft sukuna lmao. i js wanted to write something more in my own style instead of the tumblr style. It's all over the place really, also obv trueform! sukuna. w.c : 1.6k

“Sukuna-sama?” Your voice comes out a breathy whisper, barely audible.

“Do– ugh,” The pink-haired curse sighs. “Don’t call me that. And don’t make me repeat myself.”

You haven’t known Sukuna to be tender. Actually, scratch that. You used to genuinely believe he mistook the adjective for an affront. He probably still does, despite the sheer softness of his actions. His mind is a marvel far beyond your, or anyone else's, comprehension. And if Sukuna hasn’t always been complicated, his sudden switch of behavior recently has rendered  unriddling the complex being that he is even harder.

“What do I call you then?” There’s confusion in your tone; confusion fused with unadulterated innocence. His eyebrows crease further. He loved how naive and ingénue you are. Such a simple, sheepish thing. Easy to lead one, easy to use, easy to hurt. But as of late, he’d come to hate it.

He hates that he hates it. He shouldn’t care.

“I don’t fucking know,” he snaps back. It’s enough to bring you silence, the somber tone he uses coming with a sense of finality. 

Rough callouses are surprisingly gentle against your flesh—callouses that slap, bruise, grope, but never caress. Despite that, he pulls your underwear up your thighs with utter care. If you didn’t know any better, you might even dare call his actions delicate.

“Does it hurt?” He reminisces. Curious digits stroke your lower abdomen and across the swell of your belly, where an ugly scar sits. It decorates your skin with a long, uneven line of dried blood cells.

“It’s not too bad,” You assure, daring to test your luck by bringing your own hand to his hair. It causes the king of curses to pause. His ember eyes continue to stare at your scar, unable to swat your hand away for some reason. The wooden floor beneath him feels too cold. Or he feels too hot. He’s unsure.

In the dimness of the room, there is no light but the flickering glow emitted from the fire, ensconced within a cage of brick—a fireplace, by name. Yet, the warmth that enfolds you does not excrete solely from the flames. It originates from within, a pulsating heat that comes with the beat of your heart as a large palm finds your shoulder, urging you forward with an urgency that seems to echo through the very fibers of your being.

“What about this one?”His intense glare persists, averting your demure gaze. Never before have you witnessed him in such a state, making you wonder whether this demeanor is a consequence of recent events.

“It’s fine, I promise,” Your whispered words cause his gaze to harden even further, his thumb tracing over another, deeper cut nestled in the valley between your breasts. This one could have been fatal. The realization sends a shiver down his spine, unsettling him to his core. Sukuna, the ancient and ruthless curse, has borne witness to countless horrors in his long existence, inflicted unspeakable cruelty upon countless souls, but none have shaken him to his core quite like seeing you teetering on the brink of death. The memory stirs within him an unfamiliar sense of disquiet, a realization that his desires may have consequences far more profound than he ever anticipated.

The brawny curse grunts in response, opting to continue examining the scar. He’s careful to not stretch it as your human flesh would hurt. 

Sukuna’s agenda never included leaving a child within you. It never even crossed his mind. Such muses were not to be entertained, especially not with you.

You. Yeah, you who doesn't try to kill humans simply for the pleasure it brings. You who takes life so lightly, as if you have several souls to spare. You who accepts every word Sukuna says as an indisputable fact, every order executed before he has a chance to reconsider.

You, who has shared your bed with the strongest curse more times than he cares to count, always intrigued him—an enigmatic subject for his manipulations. You, who confided in him the startling revelation that your half-cursed body now nurtures a growing fetus.

At first, Sukuna swore he'd never visit you again, adamant in his belief that he wanted no involvement in your pregnancy, leaving you to navigate the situation alone. Despite his capability to end your life without hesitation, he chose to spare you. Sukuna granted you a reprieve under the condition that he never crosses paths with you or whatever child you carry. He told himself time and time again that you would be a rather boring kill, not worth the effort. But it wasn't about the difficulty of ending your life—it was an excuse. He'd never admit that he doesn't want your blood staining his hands

Sukuna swears he’s not soft, that he doesn’t care for you at all.But the notion of being the one who brings you to your end does not enthrall him in the least.

He doesn’t care for the inferior likes of you, he reminds himself. That’s absurd. It’s laughable. It’s offensive, even. He doesn’t ‘care’, It’s simply curiosity that keeps him around. Curious of what kind of child the one you carry would come out to be. To see if they’d be worthy of being called his kin or not.

“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” Your voice is dulcet, a melody that cuts his train of thought smoothly. Unlike anything he’s ever heard before. There’s a pleading tone, a need so urgent it's almost painful. He finds pleasure in that. Your perpetual longing for him, your unwavering loyalty even after his defeat by sorcerers the first time around—you kept him close like a devoted guardian to a fallen hero, even when you knew is anything but a hero. It's a power unlike any other—staying but not out of fear, it's a choice. A strong belief.

Balancing on his knees between her parted legs, he reaches out, his fingers finding purchase on the edge of the bed. His grip tightens instinctively, fingers slipping beneath the hem of the sheet as he steadies himself. With a controlled effort, he pushes upward, leveraging the bed for support as he rises to his feet

“Why do you ask questions you know the answer to?” He muses, his towering frame looking down at you. The flickering flames of the fire, their orange hues swirling and weaving a macabre tapestry around his countenance, lend him an aura of terror that would instill fear in any who behold him. Yet, unlike others, you find his presence strangely comforting. Despite the aura of terror he exudes, you've grown accustomed to it, finding solace in his formidable presence now more than ever before.

Your only reaction is to chew on the inside of your cheek, careful to not bite the fiber too hard. There’s an ambivalent air to him, remaining motionless as he towers over you. It seems as if he’s looking for something. Anything. He wants a reason to stay, but he can’t seem to find one satisfying enough.

He owes you nothing. But when you look at him like that… He’s never been one to falter at your pleading face, but perhaps he’s changing little by little. He staunchly refuses to acknowledge this change still, for him to do so would be an admission of vulnerability, a humiliation he cannot bear, even to himself. How he yearns for the willpower to end you, to push you away so you never obstruct his way like this again.

The worst part of it all is his acute awareness of why he feels so strongly now. He knows that it’s all him, and not at all you. He can pinpoint the exact moment he regret leaving your side. The memory is seared into his very core. 

He wishes he could forget, to erase the haunting image of you, wounded and bleeding, from his mind. 

It was when he came back a few days after his departure, for reasons he can’t recall, only to be greeted by the sight of a malevolent curse looming over you, hungry and poised to make you its next meal. He shouldn’t have intervened. It's the natural order—a relentless cycle where only the strongest survive, preying upon the weaker. He knows he's no exception. Nor are you.

But seeing you sprawled out on the floor, barely intact, with his child inside of you. 

He gulps at the memory, feeling an overwhelming urge to touch you once more, to make sure you’re not some figment of his imagination. To keep you from harm. You’re so stupid, so goddamn naive. He doesn’t know what to make of you. Other than a fucking headache.

“What is it? What do you want, brat?” He hopes to catch some semblance of his normal attitude. “Get it over with.”

“Please stay,” You plead, fingers gently gripping the open kimono he had thrown on once finished with you. “Please, Sukuna-sama.”

He sighs. You’re so obstinate.

Perhaps it's his lack of understanding that breeds hesitation within him, or perhaps it's his inherently fierce nature. A thing like you deserves to be treated with the utmost delicacy, cherished and nurtured. Sukuna, with his staunch commitment solely to his ideals, can never be the one assuming such a role for you.

“You’re doing things to me, you know?” Sukuna gets down, kneeling between your parted legs again, placing a warm palm in either side of your hips and seizing you within.

Maybe… staying with you tonight wasn’t such a ludicrous notion. He’s the king of curses; he  has all the time in the world to fret the trivial details.

#arabella writes #jjk #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #jjk fluff #sukuna fluff #ryomen sukuna fluff #sukuna x reader #jjk x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna smut #jjk smut #sukun x reader smut #ryomen sukuna smut #dividers by benkeibear

[etherealspacejelly]

does anyone else find it really difficult and frustrating trying to infodump to people? like. either i just get going and they change the subject or they seem really uninterested, or they dont understand that i dont want to talk about the Facts about my special interest i want to talk about my Opinions and the way it makes me Feel

someone will be like oh hey infodump to me about doctor who. tell me some doctor who facts. and im like. ok thats great and i appreciate you encouraging me to talk about it but. i dont Know that many facts off the top of my head. what i Want to tell you about is how there are so many Ruby and Rose parallels and that the use of puppets for the Meep and the Goblin King and the Stooky Babbies was really cool because practical effects give the actors something physical to react to so their performance is more engaging and believable and how the platonic relationship between the Doctor and Donna is especially compelling to me as an aroace person and and and

you know??

but they expect me to be like. idk. rattling off facts about the series and the writers and the episodes and its like. no!!! i dont want to tell you exactly how many episodes the weeping angels have featured in i want to tell you that Blink was really creative in its story telling because it barely features the Doctor at all!! and the scene where Sally talks to the recording and the conversation finally makes sense is so cool and interesting!! and we really get to know these characters over the course of just one episode and then we never see them again!!

its just so Frustrating because i want to infodump so bad all the time but i hate feeling like im boring people or that im infodumping Wrong and i always end up being the person everyone infodumps to because im a really good listener but when i do it i always end up either talking to myself or writing about it on tumblr.

i just. idk sorry for the vent im just kind of upset because i was really excited about the new doctor who episodes and a friend invited me to talk about it and just. ended up asking if theres ever been a character with my brothers name because there was one with my sisters name and now im upset because i dont know!! and i dont care!! thats not what i wanted to talk about!!

ugh

i think i might be on the verge of a meltdown and it feels so stupid but. this Always happens

#autism #actually autistic #doctor who #vent #vent post

[armins-main-hoe]

Coukd u do an aizawa arrange marriage fic?

Sure! But i don't think i can create a whole fic with chapters so this will just be like a really post with my head cannons about it.

I know you sent this request like literally ages ago and I'm so sorry for only now getting to post it. I was not trying to deliberately ignore you're request I just had not opened tumblr to write in a very long time.

But I'm back now and I'm going to keep up with all the requests I get.

Aizawaxfem!reader

Selenophile

(A person who loves the moon)

You both got married in your early twenties, by now quirk marriages were not as common and were often frowned upon, yet your life had been sealed with Shota Aizawa since you got your quirk.

His quirk, the ability to remove another's quirk with his eyes and your quirk, the ability to control another's health, to either make it better or worse, by your touch.

What your families hoped to achieve was a quirk where one could control another's health with their sight. Since you can always see further than you can touch, the two family heads believed that a quirk like this could lead to a lot of success and, of course, money.

Neither families were at the top of the upper class of society but that did not stop them.

When you first met Shota, you could tell he was a man of few words, he did not like small talk. His eyes sullen and drooping with lack of sleep. You struggled a lot to keep the conversation going with him.

During your engagement, you hardly met him, he was busy with starting his career as a pro hero and you were still doing your apprenticeship under the top nurse of Japan's most famous school, UA.

When you got married and had arrived at your honeymoon, you were sweating buckets. While you weren't all that close to your newly wedded husband, you could never deny that he defiantly had the body of a pro hero, in other words, he was hot as fuck sometimes.

All the exhaustion from the wedding had suddenly disappeared as you began to wonder if he too was expecting anything from tonight.

He didn't. He went straight to sleep. Ugh, men.

The rest of your honeymoon was just as awkward, well at least from your side it was, Shouta did not seem to care all that much, he just appreciated the actual time for sleep he was getting.

Months passed and your relationship with your husband did not get any tighter, you both took turns with chores and cooking, working around each other's schedules.

By now Aizawa's pro hero career was kicking off and you had finished your apprenticeship and had begun working with Recovery girl.

You soon began to think your life was not all that bad, you enjoyed your job and it paid extremely well, you had developed some sort of mutual understanding with your husband, though there was no romance nor friendship, there were no arguments or squabbles either.

Not wanting to admit it so soon, you had actually begun to feel fond of Shota. Sure no strong romantic feelings yet but you could tell he was a genuine guy. A workaholic but to be fair, so were you.

After a year went by, however, you both soon began to get pressure from your families to start trying for a child. They wanted their perfect quirk and they wanted it now, claiming that they had given you both plenty of time to settle in.

Shota would then tell you that he was perfectly fine with waiting, since all anyone can do was talk and shout. No one could physically force you to conceive a child. He also believed now was not the time for a child for you both, since the two of you were so busy with your own work lives.

While you agreed with him you began to wonder if he actually ever wanted to have children. Just like you he was forced into this marriage, neither of you had a choice. But now that you are married, no one can force you to have children like they forced you to get married. So in a way, you both have a choice now.

You didn't ask him about it.

One day you got a call from Shouta, it was late in the evening and you had came home after work. He had told you before hand that he was going to go out and have dinner with a friend of his.

You pick up the call and immediately realised the person on the other end was NOT your husband.

"Yo Mrs Aizawa, your *hic* HUBBY bubby is on the floor, passed out *hic*"

ah, Hizashi Yamada, also known as President Mic. You had never met him but you knew he was a really close friend of your husband's. You then made your way over in your car and picked the two drunk men up. After some difficulty, you managed to get the loud blonde to his place and then got yourself and your husband back to your place.

You helped him walk up the stairs and back to your shared bedroom.

"Okay, stay sitting on the bed, i'm gonna get you something esle to wear okay?" You tell him softly.

"Y/nnnnn?" Shota called out even though you were in the same room.

"I'm here." you say while opening his wardrobe.

"You're my wife, you know that?" He drunkly babbles.

You smile at his antics. "I know shota." You walk towards him with a pair of more loose clothes.

"My pretty wife."

You know he's drunk but it still made you blush.

"My pretty cute wife." He then grabs your face, squishing your cheeks.

"S-shota-"

"Why are you like that?" He asked, letting you go and throwing himself back on the bed.

"Like what?"

"Like, like... like awkward around me. I'm your husband!" He threw his arms up for effect.

"Come on, change your clothes." You pull him up so he is sitting again.

Thats when he pulls you onto his lap.

"Shota!"

"Y/n!" he whined.

He then hugged your waist, nuzzling into your neck. You're entire body flushed, you did not know what to do. You couldn't move even if you wanted.

"You're like the sun y/n.." He then mumbles, yet you couldn't quite understand what he was saying as all you could focus on was his lips brushing against your neck.

"So pretty and happy and... well.. hot. But no matter what I can't get close to you."

"i'd say you're pretty close to me right n-now..."

"But i'm drunk." He then looks up at you.

"Oh so you're aware?"

he nods. "I don't think I have the balls to hug you sober."

You let out a soft laugh, your mind and heart still racing, you had never been so close to him ever since you shared a kiss on your wedding day.

"Why's that?" you asked him, somehow feeling your heart calm down.

"I'm scared." Your eyes widened at his words. You never thought he could be scared of initiating a deeper relationship with you, you always thought that he just did not want one. The conversation ended there that night since he ended up falling asleep straight after.

Shota woke up to one of the worst hang overs he has had his entire lige the next day. Suppose it was not all that bad since his wife took the day off to help him get better.

He did not quite understand why she would take the whole day off, he already had the day off which is why he even agreed to drinking. He thought that she didn't have to skip work just fro him, though he was grateful that she did.

He also noticed that something about her has changed, she became more... close? He isn't quite sure. But he likes it.

With a new step forward in your relationship, the two of you found each other becoming much closer to each other, you would sit and talk for much longer during dinners, tell each other more about your personal interests and on those off days where your both manage to get a day off on the same day, you both would spend the day together, almost as you would on a date.

Then there was a day where Shota had another long shift at his agency, he came back home with a few new cuts and bruises.

You were just getting ready for bed when you saw him go in the bathroom, you noticed the blood dripping down his arm.

"Shota?" You knocked on the bathroom door.

"Yeah?" You heard him say followed by a soft groan.

"What happened?" You ask. "Can I come in?"

"It's fine don't worry, go back to bed."

"Shota.... I can help. You know how my quirk works."

After some convincing, he let you in. His cheek had a dark pink bruise forming, his hero suit ripped. Though he mostly wore black, up close you could see darker patches of black where it clearly was soaked in his blood. The worst of it was his arm, his sleave completely missing and he had burn marks around a massive cut that started at his bicep to his elbow.

"Fuck." You breathed out at the sight of it.

"That bad huh?" He chuckled.

"Why didn't you get patched up at ur agency?" You looked up at him

"The medical staff are out on strike."

You nodded, you heard of some medical staff in some agencies leaving because of how little they got paid.

"Take your top off" You softly say. You can't imagine the type of pain he must be in and yet he's standing and smiling at you like it's nothing.

His top was off and you saw many other little cuts adn bruises filling his skin. You frown at the sight.

"I'm okay Y/N." He whispers.

"No you're not. Stop acting so tough. No one would be okay in a condition like this." You softly scold him while you take his injured arm in your hands and start using your quirk to heal him.

"I'm okay because I have you remember. Look, it's as if it wasn't even there." He looks down at his arm, any sign of injury completely gone. You shake your head at him and then start to work on his torso.

There you both stood, under the single light of the bathroom, your hands on his bare chest while he looked down at you. You then looked up at him. your hand coming up to gently trace the bruise on his cheek while you watch it slowly disappear as you used your quirk. You're eyes met his.

There was something in the way he looked at you. Something that made you feel warm. Something that made you feel safe. Perhaps it was the atmosphere, or maybe the way he looked at you but you found yourself leaning towards his lips.

One of his hands held you by your waist, another now on the back of your head as he leaned in too.

At first it was just a simple peck. But that small kiss ignited something more. As if burning down the doors that help all your pent up emotions towards him. He pulled you back in, kissing you much more passionately this time, his lips moving against yours as if he needed to devour you. He walked you backwards while kissing you till your back hit the door.

Breaking off for air you looked up at him. "Finally grew those balls huh?" You teased him, referring back to when he was drunk.

He rolled his eyes before picking you up so your legs crossed around his waist, carrying you to the bedroom and laying you down on the bed while he hovered on top of you.

"You.. ready?" He asked, placing a soft kiss on your cheek.

"For what?" You ask. He wiggled his eyebrows at you while smirking. You let out a laugh while playfully smacking his chest.

"So?" He laughs with you, littering your face with his kisses.

"Yeah, I'm ready." You smile while you felt his lips kiss you all over.

He stopped and took time to admire you, his wife. His pretty wife.

#mha #my hero acedamia #mha aizawa #aizawa shouta #aizawa x reader #bnha aizawa #aizawa sensei #arranged marriage #aizawa arranged marriage

[dilfhos]

sooo this is gonna be a messy rant on the observations ive made between different writer communities, blog interactions and overall “status”. just silly little things I’ve noticed in my 4+ years being on tumblr btwn 2 diff blogs. and this is about no one specific, a very generalized post so if you find urself offended i honestly dont know what to tell you?? :o do better ig. & if you relate, i feel for you. TLDR @/end.

i dont like interacting/ building connections with people but not for the reasons ppl think. im not stuck up or pretentious or weird or anything. just another anime-enjoyer who loves to write in her free time. nobody special by a longshot!! i enjoy writing, always have since before i was a teen. (wasn’t always ff tho!).

but over the years ive just noticed fandom writing has its gritty sides that no one talks about often and its no mystery why so many prolific/ popular writers deactivated, me included. i had some shitty experiences and have seen friends go bc of it.

firstly, I’ve noticed, once you start interacting and building friendships with people, it’s easier to see the bigger perspective of where ppl stand and the blatant hierarchy of friendships and groups. same applies to that outside. like its literally just me n’ my bsf then my acquaintances bc mfs be weirddd omg its like cults or something. like thats why initially I didn’t interact w/anyone starting on my new blog. that n’ fear of drama following from my last blog ugh. ‘Cept the few i’ve met on my old blog (like my wifey)

not to mention i have bad anxiety. and sometimes im cue-deaf. i dont always pick up what people put down and vice versa and it makes me conscious in a lot of my interactions. so a part of me doesn’t want to interact at all to avoid all awkwardness and possible miscommunications. that’s not to say i don’t notice subtle changes in interactions after one situation / conversation or so forth, that in myself or witnessed between other ppl. (im perceptive, just not that good conversationalist lol. like i really have to try.)

but then…if you don’t interact with people on here, your chances of building an audience or a reader base is slim to none. the likelihood of developing relationships is zip. because you’re already perceived and pegged as just another tumblr writer. pause. to clarify, a writer who doesn’t want any recognition or interactions from mutuals or new friends. or just a lonely writer? a introverted, lonely writer. which leads to little to none interactions (anons, reblogs, moots —exposure.)

so then its like you’re kinda placed btwn a rock n a hard place. and there’s absolutely no problem with that! in fact this is the best part—meeting friends and like-minded people! people that make being online all the more worth it right? thirsting over fictional characters and sharing in each other’s works!

but you have to be in specific circles it seems. but then you can’t imply that you want to be in those circles bc then you’re desperate.

but well, then you cant purposefully want to be independent or be on your own or else you’re a hater, hypocrite or stuck up. not to mention, no one will reblog your stuff lol. no one will interact fr, and you’re friendless essentially. and god forbid if you disagree on something as if opinions don’t exist btw! then you’re being ganged up on. (like omg grow up!)

but then if you reach out you’re seen as trying to wedge in or kiss ass? you interact and follow and you’re ignored or left hanging? (bc im gonna touch your hand when i say this—it never gave fan, your majesty of horny nerds) and this is about ALL the writing communities and fandoms—spicy content, black content and dark content. ALL.

yet no one wants to talk about the pregnant elephant in the room—bias. and favoritism. also people seem to have a hard time being direct with how they’re feeling toward/about someone ( in a good or bad way) which in turn leads to a lot of miscommunication and subliminal attacks. (not to mention hate anons? one of my moots just had her inbox flooded w/them recently, ew.)

you can lead a horse to water AND you can write a 500-word essay on the observations made on tumblr writers as a whole. (a long ass post on the truth on behalf of those feeling this too)

also, slapping a HEY LOOK AT ME! IM A WRITER WHO WANTS INTERACTION AND FRIENDS! on a blog is frankly embarrassing. it shouldn’t even take all that seeing how easy it is for others wanting the same thing.

or doing less to achieve the same result.

not to mention, yall shit on ppl who essentially feel this way altogether bc you peg them as sb who doesn’t “try” or just jealous when their own works are phenomenally written themselves. ive seen it. and ive lived it. never gave jealousy baby.

at the end of the day, we’re all writers— either longterm or hobbyists. (personally, im longterm) self-indulgent or not! and its absolutely amazing when people are being fair in how they spread love and feedback to their writers.

Secondly, its not news that people have to want to reblog your fics so that their followers can reblog, so they can reblog, and their followers can reblog and so forth. but ppl honestly dont care atp bc once they’ve already read it, they owe you nothing. and apparently asking for reblogs is crass and bold. (imma do it anyway) but putting your very all into a story just to turn and see a half-thought out hc soaring 3k in 2hrs and 5k in a day — you have to stfu, open your ass and take it. keep it cute!

you’re getting fucked after all!!

because if you complain—you’re just jealous and lazy and uncreative!! and i hate that to seem like a writer worth a damn, you have to change up your writing style every two weeks to fit in with trending waves.

“no more poetic long fics, nobody’s into that! short, snappy slutty shots are all the rage!” “ppl are only into these specific tropes but you can’t exceed 2k words!” “only add trending characters to these hcs! ppl love them only!” “don’t write too much about a specific character or else ill unfollow you!” its exhausting.

i am well within my right as a literary artist to desire more feedback and interaction on anything i put out. period. and you are too! 🫵

God, im tired of that stupid, ‘you have to enjoy your writing for yourself and not worry about notes’ line. i do love my writing! don’t get me wrong there’s nobody id rather write like if not myself fr. not to mention the inspiration i draw from famous literary authors. however, i would love feedback and the same energy that i see with others in my same caliber.

and when i see others that didn’t even try fr—its a slap in the face to put it bluntly.

i can want silly little comments and notes about something i cherish and put out for that reason and yall aren’t gonna make me feel bad about it. sorry! like yall really be making people feel shitty for wanting the same type of interactions you get! especially when its harmless, bye asf. nb want to recipe to ur peach cobbler b!

the only one giving push back are those appointed popular /top blogs n’ cliques tho. now personally, i honestly dgaf if you have 20 followers or 25k, writing is writing and if its good you should want to support it regardless of following count/interaction right?

unfortunately, and quite unsurprisingly its not the case for the rest of this hellhole lol. there’s always gonna be some “big blog” in any part of tumblr or any social media for that matter.

but when the sole purpose being on a site like tumblr to write is mainly exposure, then it just makes it ten times worse especially if it seems that these blogs are steady at the top of every. single. tag. and listen, i know how initially stupid that sounds but when you’ve picked up on patterns for as long as i have, well iykyk.

so imma be real bc no one else will, half of the posts that yall see with 25k notes have alr been done. just different characters, different words, different dialogue. And 8/10 its been done by sb who only received 100 notes. Thats the evil part. whats more is that it lacks the creativity the one post with 100-300 notes is filled with completely.

POP QUIZ! what post would readers be more inclined to read? — one that says 10k (ohhh that must be popular!) or the one with only 150 (oh i guess nb really liked that one) that no one is even willing to reblog for MORE. and BOOM. now yall wonder why so many great writers LEAVE, its a fucking joke.

so unfortunately its no longer only about or only on readers anymore. its about who you know and who you know is willing to support your fr. who is willing to REBLOG your fics for their friends and followers, so that their friends and followers can reblog. to fit in you actually have to get in these days and it makes it all less enjoyable. makes it a chore and if you aren’t ‘doing it right’ ultimately it makes you feel shitty about your writing. (Please don’t, you are doing amazing. its the platform.)

it makes people not want to jump into writing. it pushes away those who actually want to join writing communities and meet people without feeling like they have to jump thru hoops to thrive or worse—live in other ppls shadows. and then it deters those from speaking up in fear of being shut down by bigger groups. ive seen it happen time and time again.

lastly, and this is the juiciest part! you absolutely cannot say anything about any of this bc you’re complaining and a fisher just looking for attention and not someone who just want things to be fair all over. play the game, right? ( wrong. and if this is your logic, you suck! )

its no longer about making flashy banners and pretty themes. its no longer about how many clever directory links you add or how many games you initiate on your blog or whether or not you’ve reblogged your fic three times already. its about your “friends”, other mutuals, and blogs willing to support you too. not just the audience. audience gonna do what they want regardless. reblog, don’t reblog, whatever. “at least ive read it right?” but everyone knows this. duh! but it’s obvious who doesn’t care as long as they’re on top of that tag! its admirable in a way but it sucks for those wanting to break out and build some kind of readerbase and/or make friends.

TLDR; people need to stop being bias and be fair and open lol. stop picking favorites and share the love all around. you see another person writing your favorite character or trope, give them a fucking chance and reblog, regardless if they’re in your ‘circle’ / radar or not. regardless if you know them or not. hell, let them put you on to a new fandom. bc writing is writing and making new moots and finding new fics seem to be what everyone loves to showcase until its time to actually do it. no wonder people get discouraged to make friends and write, yall treat it like some kind of secret society when its supposed to be fun💀 not a competition. (yall need to dead this clique-y shit. )

#writers #writers of tumblr #WATCH EVERYONE SKIP OVER THIS DHDHDJDN #OH OH OH #and im black #LMAO THATS THE PUNCHLINE #so #all of this isnt only happening in a general writing fandom #but the little corner for my black people?? #and in the corners of other minorities #IT HAPPENS HERE TOO DHGSGJG #nb is safe🙅🏾‍♀️ #i thought we were escaping exclusivity? #and assumptions made about other people?? #trust when i say this is NOT about anyone specific #just silly little observations #and pieces of my experiences #so any complaints #SHOVE IT SHOVE IT SHOVE IT! #will delete if this starts a revolt #or not bc i love chaos in the name of truth #i hope yall can feel the sarcasm this is kinda longer than i intended but i wanted to be as thorough as possible in my point #been working on this for a min #im not tagging as discourse bc this isn’t what this is #and if you treat is as such imma just assume you’re exactly who im talking about and keep it pushing🤷🏾‍♀️ #just be better is all im saying #BYE I JUST CAUGHT SO MANY MISTAKES #the shame #i was caught up #but yall get it

[monstersinthecosmos]

I'm so glad you're back!! I was so panicked when I saw your blog was gone, because you are truly one of the absolute stars of VC fandom!!

I joined VCblr a few months ago because I have been obsessed with Marius since I was 13, like my Marius obsession literally changed my life in multiple ways and I saw VC was becoming popular again so I wanted to join in! but like one of my first posts got these comments from people I'd never even spoken to before about how I was disrespecting Marius and his fans, and to be a little dramatic the way some of these comments were written, I felt like some of them seemed to actually really hate me personally. It just killed my desire to write fic or meta anymore so I just deleted my tumblr and now I just have an empty one so I can lurk on people. Like I have really limited time and energy for fandom, and I don't want to spend it writing stuff that people just hate seeing and making them feel bad, and then feeling bad myself for liking the stuff I like.

Anyway, I found your blog a little while ago and I am OBSESSED with your creativity and your perspective on like everything, so I'm sorry to be a weird rambling anon but basically I'm just trying to say your blog has made a difference to how I feel about my own freaky way of loving Marius and I just love your openness and acceptance and your ABSOLUTELY FLAWLESS A++ MARIUS TAKES and you genuinely have improved my VC experience 100% and I'm glad you haven't been erased from existence.

ugh see this is what I mean dude!! I'm so sorry to hear you had that experience!!!!!! Please talk to me off anon any time, I'd love to see your posts if you wanna come back and share again!

I BRING THIS UP NOW AND THEN so I'm sorry if I'm like a rambling old man telling the same story 400 times, but, now and then I think it bears repeating. But like, when I was 13, a boy at my school bashed my head open on a locker (I had to go to the hospital and get my head stapled shut) and he punched me in the face so hard that I have permanent ligament damage in my jaw. And it was because I was like, a baby bat and I was into numetal and Wicca and I was like the only kid in my small town school who didn't go to church. The day it happened I was wearing a Korn shirt!!! And I had blue hair! And I'd been like very intensely bullied my whole time in middle school, and the adults in my life NEVER protected me. This was RIGHT after Columbine and people were still buying into the propaganda that the killers were bullied goth kids and not fucking neo-nazis, so like, the entire time I was getting violently harassed, every day!, no one protected ME because they thought I would turn out to be the violent one. And yet, I was being put on hit lists. I had a gun pointed at me. A boy one time stole my Wicca book out of my backpack and read it to the class to make fun of me, but *I'm* the one who got in trouble for it because they thought I wanted to cast spells & curses on my classmates. The boy who assaulted me was a KNOWN problem in our school, and I wasn't even the first girl he hurt! MEANWHILE I still got a week of detention for having my head bashed open because they said I started the fight. ((This is up for debate: Yes I actually did throw the first punch LMFAO but he HAD been teasing me incessantly for like ever so like come the fuck on. I deserved that one.))

idk why I was just born like, without any shame or something, I guess it's innate, the rebel streak, I can't explain, but none of this really hurt my feelings? Every time people would make fun of me I was thinking "Yeah but I love Korn and they're so COOL and if you're making fun of me that means you're NOT cool and I don't really value anything you have to say????" And that really sustained me through all of this.

So yatta yatta terfs & conservatives poisoned the fandom well on Tumblr and I always think that it's not so different -- being picked on because you like something weird & offputting or whatever, and being treated like a threat or a danger when you're the one who's vulnerable to harassment and violence. In the digital space on Tumblr it's going to be about like kinky stuff and villainfucking and IRL it was because I was the only goth at my school and I liked horror films. It's the same shit, being harassed because of the fiction you like and the media you consume. And on Tumblr it's people being absolute fucking dickheads and IRL it was me being put in the hospital because a guy put his fucking hands on me, he was that upset that I was into cool shit.

And just. Yknow. It does suck when you want fandom to be a chillout space and you get your feelings hurt. It fucking SUCKS when people show up here specifically to be unkind to others, like I can't think of a less productive use of time. But part of me always thinks "I didn't get my head stapled shut for some grassless little fucking weasel on tunglr dot com to shame me over vampire porn" lmao.

(As an aside if you ever want to look into other examples of people being IRL fucked over over STUFF THEY LIKE, google the West Memphis Three ((innocent metalheads who did 20 years on death row because people thought the weird metal boys MUST be murderers)) or the FBI trying to file Juggalos as a GANG which means anyone who had an ICP phase and got a Hatchetman tattoo as an 18 year old is now in jeopardy of losing their fucking children for affiliating with a gang, okay. And this isn't even to scratch the surface of the way people treat hip hop and way it's mired in racism. Censorship and thought policing are always going to come down to Christofascism and white supremacy, but I digress.)

So blah blah all that to say, I'm not going anywhere and it pisses me the fuck off that people can't keep this bullshit to their private group chats. I have NO idea what anyone gains by acting like this in public.

Like, yeah yeah, fandom is silly, whatever, but hobbies are legit! And we deserve a space to unwind that isn't ruined by capitalism and bigotry and just, some little space to land. ESPECIALLY when, let's be real!, it's very very very common for fandom folks to be neurodivergent. I mean why else would we be so obsessed and blorbo-sick lol. So like, it just feels extra fucking shitty of people to be rude to fans like that, to make you feel shame for the thing that excites you.

Fandoms SELF GENERATE. Someone has to be here posting shit and we have to interact with it and create community. And genuinely if all you can contribute is your horseshit attitude, you can go fuck yourself!!! And I can't begin to tell you how much it breaks my heart when I see this infighting in one fandom, because like, being a Marius fan - BELIEVE ME - when I tell you I've done my time as persona non grata, the antis have fucking come for me LMFAO, I'm on the blocklists, I've been accused of absolutely heinous bullshit for liking a stupid fake vampire character. Like, listen!

I've had my head bashed open on a locker for liking numetal! You're not going to chase me off Tumblr!!!!!!

Anyway this got away from me, idk what I'm trying to say, I'm saying that I'm so sorry you had a bad experience and I hope you come back some time! And I encourage everyone to block & curate your space as needed to make for a happy escape zone. EVEN BLOCKING ME, I KNOW I GET ON PEOPLES NERVES SOMETIMES. And my content isn't for everyone! It's fine! Stay safe please, and I love you, and I have your fucking back dude!!!

AND EVERYONE ELSE JUST, HOLY SHIT BE NICE TO PEOPLE. IT COSTS $0 TO BE FUCKING NICE TO PEOPLE. IF YOU'RE NOT BEING CREATIVE YOU'RE BEING DESTRUCTIVE!

#fandom lolitics

[bengiyo]

Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yara ka Ep 9 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Sakae and Soga started dating properly and working on their relationship. Sakae tried to adapt and compromise as always, this time by trying to downplay his own emotional reactions and focus on being rational. Meanwhile, Soga was struggling because he wanted to be more affectionate and intimate. They eventually sorted it out through the incredible power of baseball and then Soga asked for dick and got it.

Ah right. Saeko, the ex-wife, is coming.

Episode 9: It suddenly changed, what now?

She's here with Soga's respected senior from head office to tell him they're dating. This is awkward!!

Okay, Soga says he's fine with it so I'm cool. He also immediately told them about Sakae, so he's definitely keeping an eye on the clock.

Well that all went well. What now?

They have ten months together and they're doing all this worrying? Guys, please. Just love each other and then sort out your priorities.

I'm suddenly extremely invested in Soga writing a song on a harmonica.

Sakae is going to keep a diary for the first time? Maybe we should introduce him to Tumblr.

Ope, that got ruined quickly and now we're in our first real fight. The knives are out!

Wow, we do not get makeup sex often enough in BL that isn't part of huge breakups.

Kaname and Kanda, I am usually with you both, but I am not on team simulate distance.

Every time this harmonica comes up my Southern camping roots jump out.

Yes, Soga, just be together.

Wait, that felt like a cameo. People who recognize Japanese actors and singers please check in about the person who wished them happiness on the street.

They really introduced a new character just so he could reveal a promise to Sakae and make Sakae feel guilty about Soga wanting to quit and stay in Osaka. I don't like that. Then they have Kajiwara be understanding! Ugh.

No, don't use their first time together in a sauna for a penultimate episode breakup!

Ehhhhh....... I understand where Sakae is coming from, but I was really hoping grown folks wouldn't break up like this.

I am not certain where I feel right now. On the one hand, I like seeing people try to simulate distance and fail because it doesn't work. I also like seeing someone prioritize a relationship that's important to them over work. Still, it feels kinda bad that these two never seem to feel like they get to be a team and are always trying to solve something alone.

#Ben watches #sukiyanen kedo do yaro ka #although i love you and you #japanese bl #bl series

[teaveetamer]

I am curious, I've been watching the discourse going on for a bit without getting involved and at this point I feel like I have to ask.

What is the desired result here? Why are you engaging in the discourse at all? Clearly this is not a discussion, so what do you gain from interacting at all?

(I will send this to several people, just out of curiosity)

Alright anon allow me to explain what's been going on with me on my end.

The year is 2019 (yes, we're doing this). FE3H has just come out. I play it and rather enjoy it actually. I've got a couple of ships that I'm into, some fanfic I want to write, etc.

I go onto Reddit to chat with people about the game. Now I don't really like Edelgard, but I'm chill, I'm open to discussing the game and getting alternate viewpoints. Initially it's more or less fine.

Then some posts start coming up. People start getting really aggressive about this. I'm trying to have a conversation, but it feels like their goal is just to shout me down. I get in arguments, I get in fights, I get misgendered, I get called a bigot, I get frustrated, I get ablest rhetoric spewed at me, and I waste my life.

Stop. Take a look at myself. I'm literally sitting here arguing about Edelgard von fucking Hresvelg for hours of my day. I'm annoyed, I'm irritated, I'm always in a bad mood. Ugh.

Now it's 2020, early times I think. I resolve to stop looking at Reddit so much with regard to this game. It's not worth the hassle and the frustration. I should be, like, out doing things and having fun not wasting my time arguing with a bunch of weirdos on the internet. I want to have fun again, not be angry. I delete the Reddit app from my phone and install a blocker on my web browsers, even.

Start using Tumblr for more than just shippy stuff, and find people who agree with me, who are saying the things I've been saying. I stop feeling crazy for liking the game the way I like it. I make a few posts on my main blog but you know what, I don't really want my main blog embroiled in this shit, though I want to add my voice to the conversation. So I make this side blog.

Make some posts. I get flooded with asks from other people about the game, saying they agree with me and they're thankful that they aren't the only ones who think the way I do. I think within like a month of existing this blog had double the posts of my main blog (which has existed since 2016, so for four years at that point), most of them from asks.

The blog was initially for me to vent and throw in my two cents here and there, but I figure I'll keep it around in regular use because people seem to be benefiting from it.

Early on I tried to establish a rule for myself that 1) I wasn't going to go looking in any main tags (e.g. the Edelgard or Edelgard Positive tags) for stuff to reblog or talk about, and 2) I wasn't going to go into any Edelgard specific spaces looking for stuff to talk about (e.g. r/Edelgard or even Dimitri-critical tags). However, anything maintagged that was looking for a fight (e.g. a Dimitri-critical post in the main Dimitri tag) was fair game.

I'm not perfect, but I did try to stick to that rule. I talked about things that happened on the main FE Sub or FEH sub. I did my best to encourage my anons to not go seeking out stuff to bring back to me from Edelgard spaces. After all, this blog was meant for venting and having my own personal space where I could talk about my views without getting accosted. I thought it would be petty for me to go bring back stuff from other places.

Moving into 2021, I was kind of done with 3H. I was still getting like dozens of asks a day about 3H discourse. I'd answer one and five more would pop up in their place. By now we're like, well beyond 3x or 4x the amount of posts I have on my main blog. I'm getting kind of tired of it. It's a lot of the same points over and over and over. We're in pandemic times, so I can't even walk away from it and do something else IRL for a while before coming back to it. I feel like I'm wasting my life again. I feel like I've said anything and everything I could have possibly said about the subject. I ask people to stop talking to me about Edelgard. Eventually, everyone mostly obliges.

I still chat about it here and there, but I'm chatting about other stuff too. This blog is still about venting just about venting about more than 3H. A lot more petty fandom shit in general.

Now we're in, like, 2022. I don't remember exactly, Pandemic Time makes some of this a bit of a blur. I notice a new kid on the block, doing basically what I'd noticed happening on Reddit. Going into the wrong tags. Picking fights. Posting things in the wrong tags. Picking fights.

I'm over it, I'm done, I don't want to deal with this shit anymore. I block the dude. Most people I know block the dude or ignore him. We figure he's new here, he just hasn't learned the etiquette.

He gets increasingly hostile. I'm not really paying that much attention, just getting info about it from the fringes. Again, we figure eventually he'll just go away if we ignore him.

Then Nilsh gets harassed off the platform.

My mutuals are getting increasingly hostile anons and combative reblogs.

At this point I'm relatively unaffected. I guess because I don't tag anything, so he didn't find it.

And you know what? I'm still like "he'll get bored. He'll leave eventually." We were all like "just ignore him, he'll leave eventually."

People try to explain tags to him. Try to help him curate his experience so he quits arguing with people who don't want to talk to him all the time.

Then Moonlitboar gets harassed off of the platform. They take the URL. He's bragging about having done it. He's spreading this vitriol to other platforms and convincing others to join in on the harassment.

And I'm like. Okay. This dude isn't leaving. This is what he wants. His goal isn't to talk about this game—his goal is to hurt us.

I unblock him and respond. We go back and forth. He stops... for a time.

Here's the thing. I didn't re-block him after that, and I didn't do that for a couple of reasons. First, because at this point I'm still hopeful that he's just unaware of what he's doing, and that he'll acknowledge how messed up it was and apologize. I'm all for second chances. The second, because he's dangerous and I'm worried that if I don't keep tabs on him, he's going to try to hurt me.

It's not long until he's doing the same shit again. He tries harassing BWIIDT, he tries harassing FantasyInvader, he tries harassing Ezra, he tries harassing RandomNameless, he tries harassing Emblemxeno, he tries harassing Gascon, he tries harassing people I've literally never even heard of. I keep calling him out, and he tries harassing me. He calls me hysterical, accuses me of acting like a victim. Tries to make me feel stupid and small by saying I don't have anything worth his attention to respond to.

(By the way dude, my point about that was that you were being misogynistic but treating discourse like it was only worth responding to if it came from a man. See, I noticed that you only liked to attack people you thought were cishet white men like yourself, even if we were saying basically the same things at times. The fact that you continue not "debunking" any of my posts doesn't upset me; it proves my point)

He blocks me. I can't say for certain why, but my bet is that he realized people were actually listening to what I had to say, and having a queer woman question the actions he purported to be for the benefit of queer women wasn't a great look for him.

He's still trying to harass me. He's taking screenshots, he's using my name, he's @ ing me. He's casually lying about me. He's using sexist rhetoric implying that I shouldn't be listened to because I'm just too ~in my feelings~ and he's the true victim of my hysterical victimized martyr complex (geez, you sure a a feminist ally for that one, aren't you?)

You know, I did actual research when one of my anons accused him of being a trump supporter and tried to lie about him? I burned an entire evening on that, because I didn't want to be spreading lies about people. Meanwhile he lets his anons casually and repeatedly misgender me without so much as a passing correction, and he hangs out with people who spread lies and slander accusing others of heinous crimes.

And you know what? If I knew it was going to be like this? I'd still waste that evening and correct that anon. It's not about getting a petty win or convincing people he's a bad person for me. It's about being respected.

So to get back to your question. Why am I doing this? Because I have to. Because I know that if I don't he's going to hurt someone else, just like how he hurt Nilsh and Moonlitboar. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, after all. We ignored him and he didn't leave, so now we have to say something.

What's the desired result? I want to be respected, like I've tried to respect them for almost the entirety of this blog's existence. I want my boundaries acknowledged. I want him to stop hurting people for no other reason than to hurt them, because they don't agree with him.

When will I stop? When he stops.

[satancopilotsmytardis]

🌈☯️

I need you to know what a profound impact your fics have had on my life. They helped pull me out of a troubling mindset and were the driving force behind me picking up writing again and genuinely makes me feel understood and acknowledged dispite have nothing to do with me, I'm not fighting a war I have only a third of a chance at winning against superpowered child soldiers. But the the scale you bring your stories down to the focus on the internal aspects, the self understanding (and lack of sometimes) present in every situation and the way the characters relationships effect each other... Ugh your fics are both killing me and giving me new life. So thank you.

Oh man, wow. I really don't know what to say, I'm so glad that you're getting so much out of my silly little stories. I'm also so happy to hear that you've started working on your own! I personally think that the act of creating something (anything) is such a great way to examine the self and one's relationship with the rest of the world, I hope that doing so can keep helping you the way it seems like it already has! Thank you so, so much for always having a kind word for my stories, it always encourages me to keep creating more!

🌈 Is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

Ha ha, you all know by now that I am really actively still struggling with Shattered and have been for a few months now. I think I've determined that I just absolutely fucking hate writing in chaptered segments. Something about breaking things into chapters ruins my brain and flow of writing because I also struggled constantly with Playing Favorites and that's a multi-chap too.

☯️ how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

Oof, fucking coming for my kneecaps with a serious question that I don't have a strong answer for. I'm going to be honest, I haven't been active in fandom spaces for many years because while interacting in fandom spaces can be really encouraging and create a wonderful community, it can be really toxic too, which I don't think is a controversial take. I don't think I have room to talk on this subject because I am a person who isn't social and who experiences social anxiety. I'm very sensitive and just a bad experience or two is enough to poison an entire thing that I liked and make me give up on it, so I really avoid going into bigger and more generalized fandom spaces. I live by the rule of creating my one little tiny corner and then making everything in it work for me, and if other people see it and like it then they can come and hang out and we can all have a nice chill time, but if I see something I don't like, then I'm very liberal with my block button and policing my own internet experience. This blog is the little corner I've made recently! So far everyone who has joined me here as been so sweet, kind, and encouraging and that has been so good! It makes me want to make even more things and then I get so excited because the things I've made have apparently inspired other people to make their own things too! That feedback loop of inspiration and encouragement is definitely the best and most healthy thing that can come out of fandom experiences to me!

#tanco speaks #writer asks #asks #ask

[safyresky]

Frostmas Year Nine: Behind the Scenes

Prologue | Y1 | Y2 | Y3 | Y4 | Y5 | Y6 | Y7 | Y8 | Y9 | Y10 | Y11 | Y12

(in Kermit the Frog voice) Let's begin!

I straight up thought this chapter would be fairly short, because when I wrote it out in point form the events didn’t seem like they’d have a lot of action. Then I began writing it, and I was DEAD wrong

I listened to the opening scene of the North Pole Resort SOO MANY TIMES to hear the lyrics to the song perfectly. I had to ask my wonderful housemate to take a listen to try and figure out the “santa t-shirts, santa ties” line and WHEN I FINALLY WATCHED IT ON DISNEY WITH SUBTITLES, HEARD THAT I GOT IT W R O N G! It's Santa SIZE. I'll have to change that up lol

FUN FACT! “at this point I’ve adopted a stance of the less I know, the better” is my family’s motto up until recently

“I like the cut of your berg” is one of my FAVOURITE frosty-fying slang lines I’ve ever done! It’s a frosty version of “I like the cut of your jib” which was used in sailing in the 1700s ish to describe if an incoming ship was frens or not frens

-> I originally thought it was just some funky 20s slang, then googled it to make sure I was right and learnt the above!

-> the berg is short for iceberg--B likes the cut of Jacqueline’s iceberg, being the idea to maybe get rid of the awful recordings :)

Sometimes I’m like ‘these things don’t really need explaining’ but I get excited about my own work and then have to share how I got the ideas with everyone so ONWARDS I SUPPOSE

Man I miss multi-level lists! this Frostmas BTS has been in my drafts for FOREVER, and was the last one I did before tumblr switched to the new post editor

WHICH DOESN'T LIKE MULTI LEVEL BULLETED LISTS!

So it's kinda all over the place. My bad lmao.

LET'S KEEP ON KEEPING ON

Jacqueline realizing that she hadn’t updated everyone on what the elves thought of her nonsense was a BLESSING because I realized that I hadn’t addressed it, so thank you for that opportunity, Jacqueline

Archie's Guide to Important People in the North Pole: Big Man->Santa. Boss Man->Bernard.

I would like to take this moment to credit @shittyelfwriter with Archie’s existence in those few chapters of ROE, because I love him and always picture him as the elf playing the piano and going UGH and facepalming during Jack’s rendition of North Pole, North Pole (pictured below). THANK YOU FOR NAMING THE BOY, ANA!

The conversation between Jacqueline and Archie, that dripped sarcasm, was my favourite thing to write this chapter :D

The scene with Chrys give you weird vibes of all manner? Yeah, that was intentional. "Perfection" can be unsettling, after all

Bernard is definitely so DONE this year and it SHOWS -> That is exactly what I was going for, especially since I know that he's not normally

Okay so. Let's Talk About Chrys. TW: Sexual Themes

very embarrassing, but I got the concept from a series of fantasy erotica novels and I wish I was joking

(they’re called the World of Hetar series, very good, very very VERY smutty. I’d say it’s 60% SEX, 30% PLOT, and 10% SEX DRIVEN PLOT)

(I know people who know me are like YOU READ SMUT? YOU?? AN ACE??? and yes, I did, I read exclusively smut from the ages of 12-17 because my Dad worked for "Trash Romance Novel Company" and brought home books for free every month, and the books were, in fact, mostly if not totally smut)

Erotica aside, I quite liked how the author had built up the magical world, the beings, and how magic works in it

In the third or fourth book, called “The Twilight Lord”, the fairies ally with the desert princes who are some kind of magical fae themselves, and they create the Perfect Wife for the corrupt leader of the neighbouring continent to distract him from starting a war

She was a mix of his current 2 wives and the things he liked about them, and looked like the protagonist, Lara, who cursed him to not be able to fuck I shit you not and who he ALSO had a big huge thirst for which was GROSS because he was old as fuck and even though she’s half fairy, she was like. 12 or 13

And this new wife is able to GET IT UP with him, hence how he’d be distracted--he really liked sex (reminder: this is an erotica series)

So he’s too busy fucking her and then on top of that, she would divide the other two wives and basically bring the house down from the inside, neutralizing the threat of this corrupt sex loving mofo

And that’s where the idea of Chrys came from!

So basically tl;dr: Chrys was inspired by a spell a sexy bunch of desert princes in an erotica series did to make the perfect wife for their enemy and knock him right tf down :)

How this works with Cheri’s magic: same concept, less sex

Chrysanthemum is a Perfect Being, who is bound to a specific magibean. Chrys’s purpose is to be Jack’s Mrs Claus, and because she was made with dark magic she drains energy of those around her (except for jack’s energy bc he’s the person she’s bound to) and magnifies bad ideas

spoiler alert: in the long run, Chrys will be TOO perfect and TOO agreeable for Jack and he’ll grow tired and it adds to the whole “I thought this would get me everything I’ve ever wanted but it didn’t” long term theme I have going for Jack as Santa

but yeah

end tw for sexual themes. away from chrys we go!

battled with the “cultural appropriation” bit because I felt as though it may be insensitive but then I wrote it anyway because that’s what it is at it’s base :\

it was supposed to be a stand in? I'd go back and change later? then I didn't. We're rolling with it now lol

Have you ever heard Elf’s Lament by the Barenaked Ladies?

Because it’s where I got the Union Comment from

Then I was like “but DO THEY HAVE UNION???!?!” and remembered the “accident or design” thing and realized “OH they ARE their own union” and figured that in terms of a Santa like JACK, The council would step in (which they’ve done. and tried to do stuff. but haven’t had luck bc PLOT)

god Frostmas is exhausting. Villains are underappreciated for all the effort they put into for being on TOP of things

(in Korvo Solar opposites Voice) what fucking scene are we on. why are these so long. why did i do this to myself. FUCK

ANYWAY CIRCLING BACK TO THIS MESS OF A BTS!

This uniform thing was unplanned/meant to be just a footnote. Then. Well. THIS.

It is a decent feature of the Resort in the movie so, I guess it works out :)

FUN FACT: I was playing a very good dnd campaign at the time! And that's how Davian got her name, lol. One of the amazing NPCs was named Davian, and we had a really good session with them and the name stuck and boom! Into Frostmas it goes. Once again, Frostmas is proving to be a time capsule reminding me of wtf I was doing while writing these bad boys :)

I miss my friend's campaign ):

And yeah, this fight is one Jacqueline cannot win. this is on the elves. So what does she do? Goes back to her hyperfocus of destorying SantaJack

How? By figuring out wtf Chrys is >:)

STUPID DUMB CHRYS

Alright. Scene subheadings are back! Right on.

"Myles would be proud AND would probably have been able to connect the dots and figure out what was up, and then place it on a neat presentation board, to boot."

LEGATE DROP! Myles is Tooth Fairy's Legate! He's v sweet, a lil bit clumsy, SUPER into conspiracies--hence Jacqueline being like "MAN I WISH THAT KIDS WAS HERE, HE'D KNOW WTF IS UP"

So let's talk about BLINTER. Just to clarify: THEY WERE NOT ABOUT TO GET IT ON IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DEN. This is just a typical post work day for them: start a fire, make a blanket nest, be cozy until kid 2, 3, or 4 come to harass them

Blaise is pouty bc they didn't even get a single cuddle in before Kid 2 came in like

And I was 100% referencing the meme lmao.

god tumblr killed the quality. I'll post it separately. ANYWAY

the Blinter and Jacquie scene was fun to write! This is one of the scenes where I was dropping very strong hints that Jacqueline was freezing--and Winter AND Blaise were noticing. Winter'll explain it all in Y11 ;)

FINAL RESORT

"You could really tell that graphic design was Chrys's passion"

another meme reference:

I think we, as a collective people using slang, should bring back "gag me with a spoon". Also some older slang! I try to sneak those in when I know of some to show. Y'know. AGE.

This whole scene with Jack and Chrys actually was me laying the ground work for FINAL RESORT. Trying to get in all of the booths we see, the petting zoo, and the different announcements about various activities set up before the double digit years! That was my goal :)

THE ELVES UNION AT WORK

Ah yes. the walk out. God, this uniform thing was meant to be small, but lord did it EVER go big. I'm actually okay with it--my y9 notes were so lacklustre, I was concerned it would be (you'll laugh I know) TOO SHORT lmao

No. Fr. Look at them.

"Because those outfits are a joke, and you wouldn't catch me dead wearing those."

Sassnard. We Stan.

"I'm so proud of all of my crew," said Davian. "Crimes against fashion should NEVER be tolerated!"

"And the break from the constant ruined showtunes, what a relief!" said Archie, leaning very far back in his stool."

The elves have their priorities lol. I Bet Archie and Davian are biffers.

Curtis on damage control was A) a stroke of genius on my part and B) the way I decided to start laying the groundwork for Customer Service Sales Person Curtis we see when Scott gets to the Resort! God, there is SO MUCH GROUND WORK FOR VARIOUS ITTY BITTY BITS WE SEE IN THE MOVIE, IT'S ACTUALLY INSANE. No wonder you all dig Frostmas so much. good lord

And then, we have it! Final Resort. Wholly heckeros! And yes, I did indeed name the Fire Marshall. Marshal. I'm a genius 🙃🙃🙃

""Course! It's lunch. I doubt anything will happen during lunch."

Famous last words, B-Man. And yes, I did that on purpose >:)

CHRYS UNMASKED. AND ALSO, IT'S CHERI!

Cheri's...interesting

While she is master of the dark witch arts, she isn't evil? Very chaotic. Kind of lets it slide a lot of the time when Witches use "dark" magic. Everything has a price, blah blah blah, it's not her place to tell people off about it--that's her sister's place, Gwen, aka, Glenda, master of the light witch arts

And also, dark magic will take what it needs in response. She just makes sure people don't use it SUPER illegally. Otherwise she kills em. It's her favourite part of the job :)

Lawful Evil?? Idk.

FUN FACT: She gave Gwen the nickname Glenda, like the good witch in The Wizard of Oz (derogatory), and Gwen went, "oh! Glenda, like the good witch in The Wizard of Oz (affectionate)? you're such a sweet sister I'll take it :)" and now everyone calls her Glenda much to Cheri's (dis)satisfaction.

Cheri is very not serious and hates being called in for business unless murder is involved. She does NOT ignore any summons, ESPECIALLY from Mother Nature.

Hence why Tara had a easy enough time getting her in

But Cheri does NOT make things easy for people, nope!

"Hay, Jacquie" a la Catra going "Hay, Adora". I was watching SPOP at the time. It's a DAMN good show, Catra/Adora my BELOVEDS

FUN FACT: Only recently decided how Warlocks worked in my universe! They know everything and can guide ANY castor. It's like a reverse of Warlocks in DnD. They don't need a patron; they ARE patrons!

By RETIRING Cheri means that a lot of Warlocks went into Rosehaven with the Call. They were making BANK on the feuding fae factions.

Petty vengeance->one night stand with Jack where he said he'd call back, and didn't, which Cheri expected but any excuse for petty revenge is a good one! Good karma->Cheri explains it herself: if it helps the "good" forces, and she contributed to it, she gets a bit of a pass on being The Worst :)

OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE SNAP BACK INTO THE PRESENT

this was an idea I had had since like, the BEGINNING. Halfway through or so, Jack would bug Jacqueline in the proper timeline, to check in and also let her know that he'd like a turn and also, as a plot device so I could remind everyone it's a story of the past being told from the future, and plant the seed of "wait, is Jacqueline going to forget it? Or is she going to remember it?"

Is she? Well, you're not finding out until the Epilogue :)

It is just as jarring as I had hoped it'd be, especially since I forgot all about it! I was ready to title this section THE END and talk about Bernard's amazing exit.

But yeah, it was a fun reminder that this takes place POST redemption, TECHNICALLY, which is a lot of fun! And that was so pleasantly jarring. I'm pleased >:)

anyway

THE END: BERNARD'S STELLAR EXIT

if you listen to this version of the halo theme song on loop, you may enter the space I entered when I wrote this bit

anyway. i love Jack. He is. the Blorboest Blorbo EVER. But he did, in fact, steal Christmas for his own holiday and turned the park into a Resort. Implying that there is an overnight stay. Especially with a pamphlet THAT THICK. It;s not even a pamphlet. It's a fucking guide book. FUCK.

And like, there were no hotels that we saw. Maybe there are inns! I mean, the Winter Wonderland has rooms. But I digress.

REGARDLESS, something needed to happen to really get B-Man, well, GONE. And this was the final straw: Elf's houses for you to stay at, with your own personal elfsisstant!

It HURT to SUGGEST Jack would make the elves like. SERVANTS so I tried really hard to avoid that sort of thing--but yeah, they'd be like hotel staff but live in. Imagine being an elf and having to NANNY HUMANS?! FUCK

"That's what your emotional support sprite is for," I said.->Meme alert! "sir this is my emotional support x" meme lol.

Jacqueline gets to kick down doors, once again. Idk why she slams doors open so much? She just does lol

"...It's perfect," Jack said. "It's everything I've ever wanted." I tilted my head. There had been something about the way he said that that made me think that he did not believe that anymore"

I'M LIKE, DROPPING HINTS NOW AT JACK'S ENDGAME FOR FROSTMAS (since we already know Jacqueline's)

AND JACQUIE IS PICKING THEM UP!

I wanted to avoid "servant" related words, but B-Man is way more blunt than I am and we thank him for it tbh

"Really? Cause this is me, walking away."

SO THIS RAW ASS LINE WAS GIVEN TO US BY @shittyelfwriter YET AGAIN! WOMAN'S A GENIUS! We were chatting about BMan's exit and she sent a snippet with that line and I went "Ou. Yeah. That's GOOD" and did a bit of "do it different so they can't tell it's copied"

but credit is given where credit is due lmao! Ana's mind is like, BIG BRAIN when it comes to writing and connecting dots n shit :)

and there we have it! Frostmas BTS: Y9. Y10 coming to you SOON I hope! I'm clearing out my drafts. They're all just. Frostmas BTS and wips that have yet to see the light of day :3

#dani speaks #frostmas #the twelve years of frostmas #frostmas behind the scenes #frostmas bts #frostmas bts year 9 #CLEANING OUT MY DRAFTS! MAYBE Y10 WILL MAKE IT'S WAY TO A DASH NEAR YOU THIS NOVEMBER #WHO'S TO SAY!

[stevethehairington]

5, 12, and 32 for the weird writer asks! <333

lexxx ty for sending this in!! <3

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

ooh hm honestly i don't really think i do? i feel like that's such a boring answer lmao but i really truly cannot think of anything for this one. like, i guess probably because i'm not really a super stitious (hah) person to begin with?

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

ooooh. i think the first one would definitely be "i wish that i could finish a multichap fic" because good GOD do i want to do that so bad!! i have so many ideas for multichaps but there's just soo much that goes into those and even if i do start one i always seem to loose steam and never finish it so yeah. that absolutely would be a wish.

i think my second wish would be "i wish that i could pull the visual scenes from my head and have them pop out onto the page in perfect textual description and dialogue" LMAO. this just happens WAY too often where i have like THEE perfect image of the scene in my head, but when i sit down to like write it out it NEVER translates exactly the way i want it to (or maybe not never but definitely rarely or it takes a lot of work to get it there lol).

and my third wish would beeee hm maybe "i wish i could have time, motivation, and inspiration at the same time always" because ohohoh it is SO RARE to have all three at once lol.

(of course i would also make sure to phrase all of these in ways that they couldnt be twisted lmaooo - i see you sneaky genies)

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

OH OH OH THIS IS SO EASY TO ANSWER. okay so my favorite quote of A L L time is this one:

"soaping together is sacred to us. washing each other's shoulders. you can fuck anyone — but with whom can you sit in water?"

from while the child sleeps, sonya undresses by ilya kaminsky

god it's just my absolute favorite quote in the entire world because it's allllll about the tender nonsexual intimacy, which if you know me you know that that's like my favorite thing ever to read about and write about and think about skdljfs.

there's just something so so so vulnerable and beautiful about sharing yourself with someone else in this way. like yes, sex is an intimate thing, but this - bathing with someone, washing someone's hair, touching gently, tenderly with no other purpose other than to take care. THAT to me is even more intimate. like. you're getting emotionally naked with this kind of stuff, you're giving yourself over to someone else in a way that goes so much deeper, that peels back all the layers. you're putting your beating heart into someone else's hands and hoping they don't crush it to death. it's just ugh it means SO much to me. it's so beautiful and i just love exploring that kind of thing in writing and reading.

i know i found that quote on tumblr first lol, but i can't remember the specific context. i just know i saw it and instantly fell in love with it and it's so so important to me.

weird questions for writers

#asks #thefreakandthehair

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

I LOVE LOVE LOVEE the reunion between Rhaenyra and Babey. It’s so cute and heartwarming when they communicate. When Babey said

“talk to me. Stop shutting me out. I can handle it, I’m old enough now–”

It really holds very true to their particular brand of sisterhood. I’m not a younger sister so I can’t relate specifically but the line still hit me.

Babey really knows her Daddy Daemon, each chapter you reiterate how they’re such a perfect match honestly. Babey is his good influence 😂

Mmm Daemon unlocked a new kink haha ✅🍼 I feel like this has been long awaited by many of your readers hehehe 👀

Thank you for answering all my questions in the last ask lol. In the next season I hope the give us more dragon scenes, more fighting and fire breathing scenes specifically 🥺🥺🙏 It’s called House of the Dragon HBO. As much as I love watching unhinged individuals I want more dragonsss. Although it must cost a lot in cgi

Surprisingly Babey’s cravings don’t seem gross, they’re pretty tame and actually sound kinda good? Like I’d eat them all except for the full pot of honey. I thought she’d be asking for way crazier food combos.

Uni update: I’m on Easter break but I’m still getting emails about grades cause my profs are just mean like that lol. I was 0.5 points away from an A on an essay and the prof didn’t round up so I’m mad at them.

Random question: What’s your take on why some fans of HOTD strive to make their faves seem “good” or excuse their actions as “oh they had some trauma”? What’s the obsession with “defending faves”, UR FAVE IS A GASLIGHTING CRIMINAL AND YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF THEM. Accept that everyone is morally grey/complex and interesting except Larys, fucking hate him and just enjoy the drama and derangement. It’s a fiction show at the end of the day. This is mostly based on tiktok discourse but I do sometimes see it on tumblr too

Always remember to put yourself first and take some rest and relaxation! Thank you so much for the chapter! You deserve all the good karma and positive interactions 🫶🏻💖💖💖

-💎

AAAAAAH, hello, 💎!!!!! I hope you're doing well!

I'm thrilled you enjoyed the Rhaenyra-Babey reunion scene! I wanted there to be a work-through that wasn't aggro but still packed the punch it needed to, so I hope that works out how I intended.

DAEMON IS GROTTY and we all love that for him, tbh. He's a horny ol' peepaw. I stan.

I NEED MORE DRAGONS, I swear. Not even just from a writing point, because it makes it fucking hard to write interactions with dragons with limited source material, HBO!!!! But I wanna see what the dragons can do, manoeuvre-wise. I imagine we're about to get a good look at warfare on dragonback, or I hope we will. Come OOOON, guys, GIMME DRAGONS!!!!

Babey's gonna escalate to something a little weirder in terms of cravings next chapter, haha. But mostly - thank gosh - she's not completely gross. Maybe I'll revisit this in another pregnancy - just truly heinous cravings, and Daemon's all "what the fuck evil spawn is in you????"

Ugh, your professor's a grade-B BITCH. You tell 'em I told you that. They ain't grade-A because apparently they don't know what an A is, so HA! B-grade. I am sure your essay was a work of fucking art, so they can suck my fat dick. (Um, my encouragement is a bit... aggressive. You got this, booski.)

To answer your question: short form, people suck, lol. I think there's a stunning lack of critical thinking among the general population, probably because of inconsistent schooling. There's a conversation to be had about standardisation globally insofar as this is possible (i.e. language barriers), because the disparity between nations can be whack. (I'm not exactly endorsing standardisation as that has its own pitfalls, but like - there needs to be some sort of benchmark, for fuck sake.) People don't know how to rationalise liking a character that is deeply flawed because they lack the ability to separate that from their own moral code; they think liking a 'bad' character makes them 'bad', very loosely. Also, people just generally suck and like to start fights because it's in our nature to be anarchist fuckwads, etc. Lol, my faith in humanity is shining through!

I am doing EXCELLENT, 💎, never fear. The next chapter is coming out very soon! Thank you so so so much for your support, it means the WORLD TO MEEEEE!

#fanfiction comments

[francis-cherry]

the last few pages before i finished Donna Tartt’s ‘The Secret History’

i liked the cat part<3 + francis’ letter broke me

a ‘brain dump’ kinda review(?)

i did like the twins at first but after the you-know-what incident i was disturbed. i still feel bad for Charles after everything though. he had it the worst out of all of them. and i cant for the life of me make myself like Henry & honestly i was very happy when i found out what he did in the end.

this book was satire. i realized that when i thought back on some stuff that happened. they were all so pretentious & through richards lens everything they do was romanticized. julian fed into that as well. they were outcasts who were so detached from society & common morals.

also my entire body boiled with anger when i read the part where richard realized that henry initially wanted to frame him, and was so close to doing so if the snow hadn’t melted in time. i read somewhere on tumblr bout how henry wanted richard to write how much of the mushroom it’d take to kill bunny so he had evidence to frame richard. that made me audibly gasp i-

francis was honestly the only person i could like. i rooted for him since the beginning & i was so glad i did. i thought bout whether francis felt bad after killing bunny. i guess he did when bunny’s dad cried but im not sure.

the part where richard was shot was insane. no one paid attention to him like wtf.

people seem to rlly like camilla but i cant stand her sometimes. because it’s richard’s narrative he romanticizes everything bout her, everything but her personality so im really curious bout her. but still idk why i don’t like her that much. she showed no remorse & she loved henry (huge red flag lmao). honestly i dont know much bout her, so i cant judge. also, since henry and camilla were in love, camilla would do anything henry told her to. and that makes me mad because why tf does everyone do what henry tells them. idk… cant judge camilla still.

the twin thing… you know what im talking bout is so disturbing honestly. it’s so sad bc they lost their parents and they had to stick together so that happened… they were both jealous of each other as well. im glad she ended up w henry but i cant stand henry ugh. and charles story is so sad… ig theyre all living in their hells according to bunny.

i wish richard ended up with francis. like the way he describes francis all the time is… it’s cute really. like before they kissed and after. he was attracted to francis i could tell. and i love francis and richards dynamic sm. they way francis would always ask richard whether he was mad after francis jokingly said something outrageous lmao.

this post is what im gonna use to continue my rants/random thoughts that pop up whenever i think about TSH<3

[gay-otlc]

Straight A Supervillain- 14

Shit starts going down.

Content warnings: Politics (fake but based on reality), bigotry (fake because it's anti-superpowers, but based on reality), description of a panic attack and trichotillomania.

Enjoy!

previous

When Cameron first interrupted eir pitiful attempt at writing an essay on henchperson qualifications, Naomi was grateful. This gratitude quickly went away when ey looked up and noticed the look on her face. “Cameron? You look okay? You look like someone just called you cishet,” ey said.

Cameron didn’t even crack a smile at what Naomi thought was a very funny comparison, if ey said so emself. Silently, he handed her computer over, setting it between em and Lani (who were holding hands as they worked, not that it was anyone’s business). “Ugh, is this tumblr? I had to delete my account last year because some discourse bullshit made me set my computer on fire,” ey explained, shuddering at the memory. 

Noel gave em a concerned look. “Please don’t set this computer on fire,” he said as he leaned over Lani’s shoulder to look. “Your username is ‘frog earrings my beloved?’”

“I like frog earrings, okay? Just read the post. Naomi, no arson.”

“Dammit, Cameron.”

Before ey could further argue the arson case, Lani scrolled down and began reading off the screen. “IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ! Senate majority leader Laura Smith introduced a new bill on November 5th, parenthesis, and tumblr paid more attention to Destiel smh, end parenthesis, called the Superpower Restriction Bill. Creative name, Smith. This is really bad news for anyone in the country with superpowers, especially for villains which I’d imagine are more popular on this hellsite. This bill orders the draining of power from every supervillain and supervillain in training, people with powers who don’t plan to become supers, and even heroes with destructive powers like fire or super strength. For a complete list of powers that even superheroes can’t have, look at senatorlaurasmith.gov. I know yall get all your news from tumblr dot hellsite even though you shouldn’t, but here’s an Eyver Times article with all this information and I’d encourage you to read that. Stay safe yall, blue heart emoji.” 

She left the rest of the group in stunned silence.

“What the everloving fuck,” Noel said, finally. 

Cameron nodded. “So, we’re fucked.”

“I mean, the law hasn’t passed yet,” Lani offered. “Smith could be alone in thinking this is a good idea, and people can petition or protest or whatever.”

“Or we could assassinate her.”

“Naomi?”

Ey rolled eir eyes. “I’m kidding, Noel. On the bright side, if this law does get passed, my dad will lose his powers and probably my mom too, they’ll be so pissed and it’ll be hilarious.” It felt strange to mention eir parents so casually when ey spent so long trying to keep that hidden, but definitely good, to bitch about Blaze and Thunderclap out loud. Bitching was always better when people could listen.

Cameron shrugged. “That sounds satisfying, but I would prefer for no one to lose their powers, actually.”

“No, I agree, but that would be a silver lining.”

“This sucks,” Noel mumbled, slumping his head onto his hands.

“It sure does,” Lani agreed. “Should we take a look at the article? Make sure…” she glanced at the poster’s username. “Liveslugsboyfriend-official was telling the truth and we’re not freaking out over nothing?”

Noel nodded. “Seems reasonable.” They all stared at the computer. Naomi definitely didn’t want to be the one to click for confirmation, and by the look of it, the rest of the gang didn’t want to either. Noel was the first to cave, with a muttered “Fuck it.”

The link led to eyvercitytimes.gov, so it was probably real. Shit. The headline read “Superpower Restriction Bill.” Once again, shit. 

Lani cleared her throat and read. “Majority leader Laura Smith introduced the Superpower Restriction Bill to the rest of the senate late the night of November fifth. This bill, intended to minimize the damage done by superheroes and villains alike, outlined an ambitious plan to entirely remove superpowers from all who possess them, save for some heroes with less destructive powers. Smith states that she has been apprehensive at the potential for destruction these individuals hold for years, and has wanted to do something about it for a long time. What pushed her to assemble a team of scientists to investigate the cause of superpowers- and how to use that to take them away- was when the daughter of Ben and Alana Rothstein, more commonly known as the heroes Blaze and Thunderclap, endangered her- eir- school when first developing fire powers. ‘This is far too much power for anyone to have, let alone a child,’ Smith said after the incident occured, and she has been hard at work ever sin- Naomi, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Naomi mumbled, intstinctively. Ey could barely hear Lani. Barely hear anything. All the shit that was going on- this stupid senator trying to take away the powers that meant so much to em and all of eir friends and Lani and everyone at this school- it was because of em, because of when ey lost control three years ago and been haunted by it ever since. That day hadn’t just pushed em away from eir parents and solidified their disappointment in em. It hurt every other villain, everyone else with superpowers. My fault, my fault, my fault. If eir friends hadn’t hated em for being related to heroes, and that was a miracle in itself, they would definitely hate em now. Who wouldn’t? Ey hated emself. 

“Naomi. Breathe.” The command- eir head was swimming too much to gather where it had come from- brought eir attention to the fact that ey wasn’t, in fact, breathing. Ey made no attempt to fix this. It was too much effort to breathe right now, and that wasn’t a luxury ey deserved, was it, not after hurting so many people. 

“I’m- I’m sorry,” ey gasped. The room closed in around em. Was there something on eir chest? It was so heavy, ey was trapped, ey couldn’t fucking breathe-

“Shh. Naomi. Deep breaths.” Something cold touched eir hand. “Please don’t pull any hair out.”

Whoever was holding eir hand didn’t get it. Ey needed to pull hair out, that was the only thing that could possibly bring relief from the anxiety storming all around. I’m having a panic attack, ey noticed distantly. The thought did nothing. Ey still wanted to pull. Ey still couldn’t breathe. 

“It is not your fault,” another voice said. Soft, almost lyrical. Ey wanted to wrap the voice around em like a blanket. Lani? Only Lani could make em think such a stupidly sappy thought, so it must have been her. Her voice was nice. Naomi tried to focus on it, tried to take eir spiralling thoughts and draw them all to this one point, concentrate on listening ot her speak. “It’s not your fault Laura’s a bitch and afraid of what she doesn’t understand, or that her only response to something that can be harmful is to eradicate it completely. She’s an adult and you were eleven. Your actions then are not responsible for her terrible reaction, okay?”

It made sense. Lani had a good point. Of course Lani had a good point. But regardless of most of the blame lying with Laura, VHS would be a hell of a lot safer if Naomi hadn’t been there to ruin everything. 

“Keep breathing,” said a different voice. “Breathing is important.”

Breathing is important, ey tried to respond in a high, mocking tone. Eir mouth wouldn’t cooperate, but it was nice to see eir internal monologue had resumed being a bitch. Good sign. Ey took a slow breath in eir nose, and out eir mouth. Then repeated the action. And again, and again, until the spiral slowed and eir thoughts sorted themselves into something coherent.

“Fuck,” ey said simply.

“Fuck,” Noel agreed. He was the one keeping eir hand away from eir hair. 

Cameron took his computer and shut it gently. “I think we’ve had enough of politics,” she mumbled. “Let’s go… I don’t know. School library? Get some books for you nerds?”

“You’re also a nerd,” ey said. Four whole words. Progress. 

“Can’t argue with that. Come on.” He helped em up, and Lani put an arm around eir shoulders as they walked out the room and to the library. Naomi had hoped looking for some nice gay books would serve as a distraction, but unfortunately, everyone around them was hell bent on talking about the new bill. Panic bounced around the hallways and between students. What would they think if they knew I was the kid who inspired the bill? No way in hell would I be lucky enough for them to be as forgiving as the arson gang.

“Naomi. Keep doing the breathing thing. It would be bad if you stopped,” Lani reminded em.

Ey stuck eir tongue out, but obeyed. All ey could really do was breathe and fight a panic attack off with a stick as ey stumbled through the day, badly finishing homework and trying to enjoy the gay books. When it was time to eat eir stupid vegetarian alternative because stupid VHS decided to serve stupid nonkosher lobster, ey barely picked at it. Naomi supposed it was a good thing the food was terrible, because eir stomach was swirling way too badly to eat much of anything, and ey wouldn’t want to miss out on something good. 

Dr. Plague got to the stage and cleared his throat into the microphone. It took him several tries to speak through the frantic, anxious chatter echoing around the room. “Ladies, gentlemen, and villains,” he said finally, and the opening usually made em crack a smile and Cameron declare themself all three, but no one in the arson gang said anything. “Given the rumors I’ve heard circulating the school, it seems as though a majority of you have heard of the Superpower Reduction Bill. I’d like to, pardon my expression, set everyone straight on this; the state senate leader introduced this bill that would take away the powers of everyone in this room, and everyone else except for a few of her favorite heroes. This has not passed, and villains around the state are prepared to protest using every tool at our disposal, legal or otherwise. Villains will triumph over policticians.”

Two weeks passed in a flurry of stress, homework, fighting panic attacks off with a stick, and sending letters to state senators encouraging them to vote against the bill. It seemed rather useless, but ey wasn’t sure what else to do. Some students had organized a protest, but Naomi was worried ey would be recognized by Laura Smith as the pyromaniac who started this. Or worse, that eir parents would be there and recognize em. Ey resigned emself to writing letters and letting Lani help em edit out the profanity. 

Naomi had almost forgotten about it, but towards the end of November, another reason to be stressed- as if ey didn’t have enough- came along. Time for the next elimination.

It was a little funny how anxious ey had been the last time. It was still a struggle to not go mad with worry, of course, but the focus on grades seemed mildly trivial compared to the very real threat of losing eir superpowers for good. And this time, Naomi felt fairly confident in eir grades. Throwing oneself into work to avoid panicking had its benefits. 

Eir last assignment for Villain Monologues before the elimination was one of the few to give em real trouble. “In light of the recent threat to your powers, what does being a supervillain mean to you?” The question kept Naomi at eir desk, tapping eir pencil and groaning, for far longer than Lani would have encouraged em to be awake.

Being a supervillain means a last ditch attempt to help my community to make amends for hurting them beyond repair three years ago.

Being a supervillain means showing everyone that they were right to believe me dangerous, and make them regret being right.

Being a supervillain means continuing to fight the system that tries to hurt me, because it would be cowardly to work as a hero and serve the people who want me gone. 

Finally at least half satisfied, ey threw eir pencil down and slept badly.

The next morning, the arson gang silently got ready and sat at breakfast, ready for the announcement that could ruin their cobbled together lives.

Cameron Delos.

Noel Garner.

Lani Hale.

Ey squeezed eir maybe-girlfriend’s hand, holding eir breath as ey hoped to complete their group moving on.

Naomi Lebowski.

“We made it,” ey sighed, leaning eir head on Lani’s shoulder. “Not that I was worried. I wasn’t worried.”

Whatever was coming next, with the Superpower Reduction Bill, at least they would be facing it together. 

#straight a supervillain #do you like my descriptions of tumblr in this universe #do you like how i named the antagonist laura #s's writing

[selamat-linting]

continuing my last liveblog, this time focused on the characters.

-vriska is. amazing. she is THE CHARACTER EVER. i enjoy her a lot but when it comes to morality, she's... i dont know what to make of her. like, from all the fandom drama i heard secondhand, she was made to be this mass murderer. like yeah, she is responsible to a lot of fuckups in plot, she is ableist to tavros and used aradia's boyfriend sollux to kill her, and sabotaged jade's attempt to get into the game but i think at her core, she's just a 13 year old bully. if she was in a normal human environment, raised by an ordinary family, at worst, she'd be the kind of girls who spread mean rumors of the outcast kids at school. still bad but, garden variety shittiness that can be fixed with age and growth. its the condition she's in that drove her into such terribleness. alternia let kids kill and maim each other, eliminate people who defy the law and customs. its a tyrannical empire and of course the kids produced in that kind of environment are vicious to each other. its not wrong the other kids dont want nothing to do with her and seeing her gets her shit kicked by aradia was cathartic but. man, i still feel very sympathetic to her.

-also, if im not wrong, her romantic relationships now would be :

nicholas cage - one sided matesprit(?)

kanaya maryam - moirail / auspistice (?)

tavros - the most unhealthy kismesis i have ever seen

-also, poor tavros. im waiting for the scene where he gets to kick the shit out of vriska like aradia but alas. its nice that he and vriska seems to get on better terms later on. i have to admit, vriska taking the time to dress up and set the mood to kiss tavros is kind of endearing while also being yikes what the fucking fuck my guy. but anyway, tavros being disabled as only a fodder for stair jokes, and then getting his legs forcibly replaced when the wheelchair jokes gets old, and then making him the butt of the joke again, good god. i want tavros's narrative arc to be treated more seriously. andrew hussie you are an ableist piece of shit you know that right?

-and kanaya! its so interesting how space aspects players are all very aesthetic-minded. they always have the cool pretty stuff. also she had a crush on rose isnt she? the way she admired her gamefaqs playthrough guide reminds of that tumblr fairytale where cinderella reads aurora's diary and fell in love. haha! right after i have that suspicions, i check tumblr to see if theyre a popular ship and apparently theyre also canon? cool. its so nice to be proven right. theyre both unhinged weird girls but in a very subdued way. also, i think karkat have been underestimating how much she helped on cooling down the group's animosities. not just between tavros and vriska, but eridan and feferi too, to an extent.

-speaking of feferi, ugh, i feel so bad for her. i cant believe someone as positive as her could be corrupted by the horrorterrors. one moment, she's the only one preventing a trollnazi and a doomsday lusus from destroying the shit out of everything, and suddenly shes twisting squibbles into cthulhu. "dont you get it, im dead," baller fucking quote but im so sorry girl. she has always been someone who is resigned of the fate of everything, but she never stops trying to make the best of it, unlike aradia.

-Also, why is equius so horny all the time? my god he is so fucking rapey.

-terezi!!! terezi!!! she's my favorite troll. her friendship with dave is so adorable. i like how they start out as enemies mocking each other but end up as (shitty) art buddies. but man, she is just as extreme in her trolling effort like, she did kill john in a timeline. anyway, back to dave and terezi. they both think theyre so cool but theyre actually cringe. also, is the drawing of the guy above the his tyranny writing in her room, meant to be karkat? ugh, i wish im her.

-i dont have much to say over sollux but as a gemini, he has the coolest design. literally the coolest shade ever. twin signs represent!

-karkat is... *grits teeth* self recognition through the other (derogatory). i hate that i shared his classpect. he ruined an objectively awesome title just by being himself. but i never really know what kind of guy he is, just his notoriousness as a grumpy anime boy slash tumblr sexyman. i hate him even more after knowing him btw, because he really is just like me! on the surface, he's just a 13 year old version of jean vicquemare from disco elysium. but seeing his memos, seeing his... everything. oh my god. i hate myself. his constant bitching is my inner voice everytime i have to deal with [redacted] and [redacted]. only that im now old enough to know i shouldnt unleash that to everyone indiscriminately. also, i too did the future writing thing. like, i would actually look at my old diary entries, and wrote a response as if speaking to my past self. but, is it weird that seeing him makes me a bit more confident in my own leadership skills? I dont know. anyway, he's funny. god even him just living his life and breathing is hilarious. i want to see you suffer little man (not in a whump way i want to see him get mad, eat shit, and react to ridiculous shit)

-JADE!!!! i miss her a lot. finally she's in the game. she's one of the nicest and the coolest of the beta kids. and i envy her house a lot. im sick of her being out of the loop. also, just from her science alone, she's pretty OP. she dont need powers to defeat the imps. she's very much my favorite out of the beta kids

-i cannot believe dave resorts to ruining the stock market. he would have liked nfts. cant believe that plotline exists and it was actually an elaborate troll plot. i cant wait to see him blossom to his cool future selves. caw caw motherfucker was impressive as hell despite being ridiculous. i have no idea how his sprite make that cool. also, his bro's dead? its kinda sad. like, i know the training and the smuppet shit wasnt exactly healthy and sane but, its still a tragedy that he never really get the chance to understand his parent or get closure. bro's dead. thats it.

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #homestuck liveread

[retired-ceo]

How do you feel about Ezekiel?

My explanation under the read:more (a lot of salt, be warned)

Blorbo by proxy: I have tumblr moots who love this guy. So many. Canon isn't real if I don't look at it: I don't see the point of Feral!Zeke. They sure do exist: I have mixed neutral feelings on Ezekial. Ezekial as a character is like... idk, he's so clearly a straw-man? Like I'm not even mad that he's sexist because it's so forced and stupid. Nothing about Total Drama is subtle, but S1E1 Ezekial was so clearly just meant to be a character no one would miss. But so many other characters on the show, men and women, are sexist! There are so many sexist jokes on this show. So like... what was the fucking point? Ezekial to me is a less a character, and more of a preformance. "Look, we hate sexism! See, we get rid of the sexist character in the first episode! Wow!" And then pat themselves on the back, while continuing to write sexist comments for the rest of the show. And I didn't miss how if Ezekial wasn't such an obvious first-boot, Courtney would have gone home in his place. Like... couldn't they have figured out a more clever way to make sure Courtney wasn't eliminated, if they wanted her to stay so bad? Ugh. But anyway, as for Ezekial himself as a person he's fine, I guess? He seems to want friends, he's just like... really ignorant. It's cute that he wants to be Lindsay and Beth's friend. Yay. I just... don't care. I'm gonna be honest, nice characters aren't my thing? Evil people for me all the way. And sure Ezekial's sexist but like... none of it is actually feels like his fault. He's sexist because he's stupid, not because he's taking advantage of the real power dynamics that sexism helps create. So no villainy for me to exploit and critique :( I guess you could use Ezekial to discuss how prejudice is passed down and adopted blindly, how people should always question the information they get. And so his crime would be his gullibility, but... Ezekial's backstory is that he's homeschooled by conservatives who isolated him from the world? So like, what else was he supposed to think? How am I supposed to say he was wrong to believe that women were stupid when that was the only thing he was taught from birth? Like? I don't know. When I think about writing a story deconstructing racism or sexism, I'd like to be able to point the finger to *society* as a whole, to the wage-gap to uniform policies for girls, to talk about how prejudice manifests itself in media and life. But with Ezekial, I'd just have to go "The reason he's sexist is because the two random individuals raising him are sexist! Case closed!" Perhaps I could stretch it farther and explain how his parents got that way... but then I wouldn't be talking about Ezekial, would I? Anyway, you get the gist. I don't like his character, because I don't like any story that he's used to tell. I don't doubt that more experienced and creative writers could find a use for him, but... not me lmao. Tl;dr: Ezekial's just there for me. I don't find his actions or his backstory compelling enough to like him. And Fresh did a really bad job of writing him.

#total drama #i won't tag the guy's name here because #this is kinda anti-ezekial #do i think he's an okay person? #sure #do i think he's a good character? #no #sorry person who asked this #your profile pic is a picture of ezekial you must have some attachment to the man #you can tell me why if you want or defend your blorbo if ur so invested

[renticat]

WIPED OUT!

I am back and forth I think I am going crazy...

I don't wanna let you down, so promise you won't let me drown.

I don't wanna be alone

I don't wanna be in love, no I want to but it seems that people just have many interpretations of love anyway and mine is not considered as I am an ace. Okay another topic for another day.

This blog is so old. Trust me but I wiped out if for several times, and I almost did it again because I feel I change now and I should just erase all my history and start a new.

But I feel little sad as I don't know, there is some people reading it, even maybe they're just couldn't find me back then. Ugh, is so slow typing on this phone, not to mention the risk of losing it all, I mean sometimes my google just crash and then gone all my writing. Yeah I should just write it on note then copy paste it but back then tumblr is never neat either unless you're doing the writing on the website or app, but the app is huge for my old small phone. 😭

See, I try to make paragraph but the gap is like twice big like the gap of me and him now 😔. Fuck what am I talking about? It's my own fault and yeah I need to take shower instead of rambling about this craziness again.

𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙄 𝙖𝙢 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙?

Yeah, you can't but I keep trying to make you understand and somehow it only made you feel sick about me and now I am sad.

Because I am afraid to lose you, while losing itself sometimes is inevitable. Oh yeah English is not my mother tongue so if this notes sounds stupid to you it probably is. I wish my English writing skill is improving so I can just rant as good as my Indonesian (even though in my Indonesian, I tend to jump from ideas to ideas because there's just too much on my mind; feels like I am exploding and yeah I need to chill) . Fuck I can't chill.—please babe take me away from here, yeah but I am stuck and brokie huhu.

As someone said one or two times talking bout your problem is okay but if you keep ruminating it without looking for the real solution, it'll only makes you go crazy. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? IS THIS WHO YOU ARE?

Nope, i don't even know who am I, but I know what I want. Yeah and the upper capital it's something new here because back then I have to type manually big letter for each sentence after period. Gosh, and yeah I sometimes not using commas properly because in Indonesian, if there's conjunction that comes after main clause it's actually not needed; well I tend to write in long manners also like I sm someone who born at 60s. Yeah I wish it will be much easier as text is killing me and I am bad texter.

Cause I know you wanna reach me, but I am a bad texter. No kidding this is the lyrics Bad Texter by Ryan Woods and I kinda dig in to this song too much back then in 2021 as I miss someone who doesn't even miss me back. Isn't that always the case of you Ren? yeah yeah. Like right now I am dying.

Dying for love, but knowing new person is another problem and again I feel bad for lying, saying that everything is OK, when I am NOT OK. I should've done that from the beginning. Fuck. Fuck me. Oh yeah is not that I am vulgar, is just is not my language, so I feel less bad. It's alien to me but not in my Javanese, i don't do that often so I AM SO SORRY. I need to tone down on swearing. LOVE. LOVE ME. HAHAJAA

Writing is fun, is like I can think of what I want to say not like speaking. Yeah I am shy at first but when you already know me, you'll gonna be the one who will embarrassed like how the hell I know this person? I don't know it's full of surprises, congratulations it means i trust you. If I don't speak that much to you, we're not that close (we are though in this blog of mine as I said sooo many freaking things).

Maybe it's because I am hiding for too long now I am going crazy. Well I can't also safely publicly stated my situation right now, right here but goddammit I am too naive and honest that I can't lie for goodness sake. I wish I learnt many things from people whom I talked in the internet, how they're so cunning and crafty with their words even though they never meant it. It's amazing, astonishing and breaking my heart at the same time.

Oh, I don't know I tried to make this blog neat but instead the archive page is fading in one words? The color? Yeah it's strange because I have another tumblr (which I don't open it anymore) but it looks okay. Yeah this one is my favorite because it's the first and back then this theme is available now I can't download it anymore— even though I am planning to just make a new one and save myself time to edit all my past nonsense but I am too old for this. Not tech savvy. 70 years old what do you expect? Hahaha

Old as hell. In this crazy world full of Instagram. I have it back then but then I am bored because I can't afford new outfit or going to cool places. Like people only post their highlight of life and not misery unless it's in form of art that I wish I could draw it out.

Sometimes is like what I am trying to say with all of this things but because in reality I have no spot to be heard as I am already wrong by default it hurts. And I know I don't own explanation to anyone but then I thought love is sharing about everything but then maybe i am mistaken their lust for love.

#Love #wiped out #Mistaken