#u know I Tried etc

[gothwizardmagic]

Our Flag Means Party Day 4: AUs

So the like… obvious thing for me to do AU wise is closet cosplay punk Ed & I decided to do a twofer and Record My First Tiktok, which was a ridiculous amount of effort and I wound up chickening out of even posting in the end so this is a Tumbler Exclusive

#this was so much FUCKING EFFORT TIKTOK IS AN ABSOLUTE GOD DAMN NIGHTMARE #also putting it together was HARD lol i moved house a month ago idk where anything is #the beard/eyes are fucking eyeliner and moisturiser mixed together bc i couldnt find any eyeshadow #no tattoos because i used all my eyeliner on my face #u know I Tried etc #GOD ALSO LITERALLY A MINUTE AFTER I WASHED THEMAKEUP OFF A FUCKIGN GOVT SURVEY GUY KNOCKED ON THE DOOR #heart fucking RACING #rowan cosplays #i think is my tag #IDR #ofmd #i guess #i was looking for pirate punk songs but the only good ones i could find werent on tiktok boooooo #or the snippet that WAS on there didnt... have any lyrics about pirates #boooooooooooooooo #so i just used mcr cause. im lazy

[lucabyte]

i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.

i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.

anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.

#[isabeau voice] am i insane or does sometimes loop talk like they might have killed their whole family. is that just me? just checking. #nille design highly inspired by @kiwibrain's since its the one that imprinted in my mind. liberties taken since i didnt look @ reference #anyway i have a lot more thoughts on this? i guess ill hide them in the tags...? scroll down i suppose. #isat #in stars and time #isat spoilers #in stars and time spoilers #isat act 6 spoilers #isat loop #isat siffrin #isat bonnie #isat nille #isat fanart #in stars and time fanart #doodlebyte #---------------------------------------------------------------------- #anyway the extra thoughts. are literally just my general thoughts on postcanon. (and thus are the context for all of my postcanon doodles!) #which is i think nille joins the party before loop reappears for a start (either from a period of nonexistence or just wandering around) #and that like. i think the party should be able to integrate loop as a completely new person. because they are! the secrecy isn't great but #They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches in the party (eg. i think sif is more squeamish after it all but loop isnt) #and while it's not *exactly* what Loop wanted they get that beggars can't be choosers. and its pretty good #(i am glossing over how i think loop's reappearence drags both them and siffrin into a massive behavioural backslide and is likely a bit #distressing to watch go down. cycle of argument -> lovebombing -> normalcy -> repeat. etc etc. but since they are no longer literally #stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time they do resolve it via productive conversation on their own time. its fine) #the party well-meaningly tries to deduce things from loop's vagueries and are able to pin down the DEAD FAMILY vibe pretty quickly. #but eventually the question of their prior identity falls by the wayside because well! they're just their friend loop! (also change belief) #as for how The Truth Come Out... this is what i mean by The Isabeau Torment Nexus(tm). which is that i think... isiloop should almost occur #BEFORE isabeau knows who loop is. he's just genuinely charmed by them eventually and tries to close the open end of the polycule #which FREAKS LOOP THE FUCK OUT because thats just too genuinely sick and wrong. and obviously w emotions high its not a great confrontation #ANYWAY told u i had more thoughts. if i were normal itd be a text post but.

[mo49ko]

(fengqing 🏹⚔️) cw: implied nsfw

when the praise kink is just his personality

#fengqing #tgcf #moko art #me when i no longer feel too sick to sit up: yall know what time it is #(draws more fengqing) #i tried posting this on the bird app but the bots got me so i ran for my life #happy mu qing loves feng xin monday etc. etc. #edit: i reposted this bc i drew his hand backwards #no matter how long u draw u cant escape it

[bacchuschucklefuck]

love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest

#not art #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit #kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it #until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it #until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her #but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs #she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying #probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone #lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear #Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!! #and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked #but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now #yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc #man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet #and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out #lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help #it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around #but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever #its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous #its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot #yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry #doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it #ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking

[averlym]

,,, sun-dappled sheets...

#the sapphics got to me okay. portrix real #it's so cute how they go from falling asleep tgt at the presses to having a room to share #adamandi #portia elizabeth harper #beatrix valeria campbell #it was a doodle and then i was like i want to make it softer so i painted it over and in the process rendered it somewhat #it's still quite sketchy akdhfj but u get the vibes!! ++ tried out using a Lot more noise than usual #so that's like the New Art Takeaway from doing this. #;;; i feel like every time i draw wlw fluff it's stepping back deep into my comfort zone haha but yes. soft cosy comfy etc. #my brain was not processing enough to figure out casual wear so this is kind of just the stripped down costumes akdhdjdh but yeah #bonus side note here is i was like hehe wouldn't it be fun if beatrix hand + portia ribbon. as like a nod to contrast how #previously it was strings on their hands instead. and now she cut them off bc portia and also smth smth about the difference #between tying (the strings) and choosing to hold (ribbon) and sjdhdhfhfh ue. #*incoherent noises* it's about the softness. the touching. the idea of choice- but less afraid of losing it- smth smth inherent trust also. #knowing tomorrow you'll still be there.. #<- sorry there's a silly little conceptual thing in every adamandi thing i make i think #i would love to say this was For Adamandi Week but i do very badly with timed events so the truth is just. i woke up and saw #@/regret-repentir 's post (which is so so lovely actually) (credit where credit is due) and then spent the next 1.5h drawing portrix #the prompt was post graduation i think? but seeing as i didn't really respond to the prompt itself #it doesn't rly count in my head as a prompt response for the event. idk #it technically works. but also it feels like false advertising... #<blinks> fun times include this being the first time i've drawn adamandi characters entirely without reference. they have been blorbo-ified

[belleandsaintsebastian]

most of the time i really don't care but. today i'm feeling a bit sad that i don't think i'll ever be able to tell my dad i'm queer. and i know it's literally so stupid to think about and its not that bad or anything but just. gahhh idk. i'm just a bit angry and sad bc i feel like it would change everything + i'd just let him down. GAHHHHH :) okay anyways back to the main program....

#actually going 2 overshare a little bit more sorry..... #(<- tumblr user ass thing to say..) #okay like. last year when i was just abt to move out for uni for the first time ever. he wouldnt stop going on abt #how i needed to shave my legs. like he wouldnt stop he kept going on abt how everyone would laugh at me + how i needed to do it #implied that it grossed him out or smth. like he tried to bribe #me??? to shave my legs at one point???? which was. i mean it was kind of funny + also i was so devastated hahaha #like top ten things 2 tell your eighteen year old daughter the month before shes about to leave home... #can't WAIT until i enter my late 20s and he inevitably starts asking me why i dont have a boyfriend etc etc :))) #but yeah it's so like. i love him and i wish i could tell him all abt me #and it makes me really sad that i cant do that anymore. like i used to tell him everything. idk its all different now :( #anyways oopsies so sorry for the oversharing dump umm hello i love u + youve done more for me than youll ever know seriously xx

[fleshdyke]

#csa warning for tags #ughhh ik i was just talking abt this but man. Man. constantly bullied as a child + raped as a child is a brutal combo huh #completely irreversibly fucked up sense of intimacy. i dont want to have sex with anyone i dont care what ppl think of me looks wise but i #also care more than anything and want people to want me so bad #like when ur only experience with anyone at all finding you desirable is being raped at 6ish. fucks u up man #was constantly told by everyone i knew that i was undesirable from day fucking one. i was always the one ppl would dare their friends to #'ask out' bc everyone thought i was that bad. i never had those rumours of 'some boy likes you' without people laughing in the background #all of my friends. even the ones that were also weird kids and bullied etc etc always have stories of other kids having crushes on them or #whatever. and i just never had that. it feels like i missed out on something important #i want to be pursued by a guy i hate i want them to not leave me alone. i want to feel like im in danger. and i know how fucking disgusting #that is but i cant help it. like i feel like thats the only way im going to feel normal and wanted like theres not something inherently #wrong with me. and i know how dangerous that is but its not like it matters anyways bc still no one likes me at all. #and i know how stupid of a thing it is to obsess over like what am i 9 years old? but i just cant get it out of my head #like idk i feel like the only way im going to actually feel desirable at all is if someone tries to rape me again. or if i feel like i have #to worry about someone raping me again. i know i wouldnt feel that way if someone was like. nice about it. #bc if someone genuinely liked me and was a decent human being about it i wouldnt be able to see it as anything other than faking it for pit #i wouldnt be able to believe it. even if i wasnt waiting for them to drop the joke and start laughing at me i would always think it was jus #an act bc they feel bad for me. the only way i could ever think it's genuine and that i'm desirable at all is if someone sexually #harassed me. like idk how to explain it but thats the only way i could feel desirable at all #bc it's the only way i've ever been desirable. when i was a kid. #and it terrifies me so bad bc i know how fucking disgusting that is and how self destructive it is #but i still feel like i dont even have to really worry about being assaulted. bc i still believe im completely undesirable at my core. #i dont believe i could be desired so i dont believe i have to worry about being raped. bc no one would want to anyways #rambles #vent

[l8tof1]

.

#lmao i tried tinder for the first time this weekend and #nothing has ever confirmed to me more strongly that i’m demi #u mean to tell me there’s people (MOST people allegedly???!?) that look at one pic of a person and are immediately attracted to them? #like u just. look at their pic and you know whether it’s a yes or no??? #that is a WILD concept to me #literally i could never #i need to know your life story and all your beautiful lil mannerisms and favorite things #we need to have made memories and fallen asleep together accidentally #etc etc etc #and maybe THEN i’ll know #it made me so uncomfortable too to have my pictures out there for everyone to look at? #🥲🥲 #personal #demisexual #demisexuality

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck you’re so fucking funny wtf do you mean with Izu it’s "byeee" and with Marcille it’s "if you die I die". You ass

Chapter 69 vs chapter 92 Results:

Be so serious my guy

#Chilchuck tims #I won’t tag it but if u know me u know what i’m thinking. He’s a prince charming he’s her knight in armor etc etc #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #When will izu know peace. The peace of not drowning #‘If anyone tries the ‘it’s just bc she’s the healer he can always get revived’ ah yes makes perfect sense in this situation /s #‘Izu was already dead’ yeah and in the 2nd one they’re all about to be…. He’s being irrational wtfff my guy calm down save yourself #They’d just both die and she’s too heavy but he just holds onto her anyways. Crying #CHIL YOUR CAT DAUGHTER IS DYING #The visual of izu drowning and chil just dipping is so. I can’t stop giggling i’m sorry leaving her like an old sock #Marcille not gaf thinking about falin as everyone swims with the fishes. Rip #he's always like my life first i'll always put my safety first i'll let all of you die ☝️ And then

[daughterofsarenrae]

pleaseee explain the difference between positive reinforcement/negative reinforcement/positive punishment/negative punishment to me!!! if u want to. if not i can just google it i guess. but if ur in the mood to talk about it i’d be interested in hearing your explanation

I am always in the mood to talk about operant conditioning <3 All u gotta do is get rid of the moral implications of the words! think of it more like a math problem. Positive/negative are about what the trainer does; reinforcement/punishment are about what the trainee does

Positive means you're adding something

Negative means your taking something away

Reinforcement means a behavior is more likely to occur in the future

Punishment means a behavior is less likely to occur in the future

so, examples:

Positive reinforcement: Giving a dog a treat for doing the right trick; praising someone for doing good work

Negative reinforcement: Using a choke chain/prong collar on a dog- when they stop pulling, the pain/pressure goes away; your car stops ding-ing at you when you buckle your seatbelt

Positive punishment: Hitting a dog for barking; grounding a kid because they broke the rules

Negative punishment: stop playing if your puppy nips you; putting money in a swear jar

i do think the main issue people have with this is that they get hung up on the words negative and punishment. those sound bad! they don't want to punish anyone! but in this context the words have a different meaning. you can make a case for or against the morality of most of these, but none of these are inherently evil- context is very important. this is super obvious with my positive punishment examples. hitting a dog for barking is bad. don't do that! grounding a kid for breaking the rules (esp if they're rules that keep them safe, like don't sneak out at night) is justified. negative reinforcement is a BIG sliding scale that depends on how bad the aversive (bad stimulus, like pain/pressure in the dog example down to the annoying car sound) is, but it does require an aversive stimulus being ongoing until they do the right thing.

and the other trouble is they can seem like they're kinda blended together. with the example of grounding: grounding a kid for doing something bad is positive punishment. lifting the grounding for doing something good is negative reinforcement. when you're trying to figure out which it is, it's not about what the actual consequence IS (grounding), it's about 1) what you're doing with it and 2) what it makes the subject do (implementing it to stop bad behavior vs lifting it to encourage good behavior)

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk

#tldr dont overthink things #i tried to give an example for both dogs and people. these work for literally any animal tho #but a lot of times i think people only think about them in the context of training animals #u can use these with people too #if someone you know does something good praise them! thank them! make them cookies! they will be more likely to do that thing again #etc etc #thanks for the ask! #anonymous #genuinely got excited seeing this ask thank u anon <3

[bunnihearted]

._.

#no to be mean but sometimes i just dont have the energy to make myself like reply to ppl nd try to interact #continiously ppl block me bc i dont reply fast enough or etc etc #nd it's just like damn i tried just to get blocked???? 🥴🥴🥴 #also funny thing in my experience it's mostly girl mutuals who lose patience nd block me #hmmm inchresting 🧐 #anyway im wording this clumsily but like im just so exhausted nd my heart's tired #im tired of building some sort of light online attachment to someone #just to feel crushed when i notice they've blocked me nd i dont even know why??? #also wanna be clear that im referring to ppl i've talked to. not just interactions. sksks 🥴 #i know not everyone will block me nd i know there r nice ppl here but like i dont have the energy to sort thru it all #or take chances bc im tired 😭😭 #i feel bad bc there r ofc very kind ppl who reach out to me nd stuff but in my bones im dejected #like what if i actually do start talking nd i start feeling affinity to u nd slight healthy attachment nd then boom one day u block me??? #i feel mean nd oversensitive complaining abt this but idk 😣 #i liked this mutual nd talking to them but they blocked me nd idk whyyyy what did i do i always do smth y'all gotta fill out a form telling #maybe if i had irl friends i wouldnt care tho im aware im a loser

[parkeryangs]

thinking about cricket sherwood AGAIN and how his view of iterative personhood shapes everything he does!! because it doesn't matter until it DOES — before cicada, he's happy to lie about the fact he knows he isn't the "real" cricket, that that version of themself is probably long-dead and he doesn't care in the slightest — and after, it matters in a way he doesn't even know how to explain out loud.

they iterate a version of themself with an accent reminiscent of the red dirt in their youth, give back a name he buried a long time ago, and send them back to the valley to move on from cicada (even though they both know it's impossible) and it's at that moment i think they finally acknowledge the space between themselves now and a dozen years ago and who-knows-how-long into the future are less than they pretend to be, that every version past and present still wears a threadbare friendship bracelet and ignore the weight that carries. etc etc.

#cricket sorting his life into pre- and post-cicada .yeah #its like. it doesnt matter which cricket i am UNTIL WE ALL BECOME ONE THAT KNOWS A LOSS WE CANT FORGET #AND I TRIED TO CRAFT A VERSION OF MYSELF WITHOUT WING BUT I AM NOT ME WITHOUT THEM IN MY HEART.etc etc #oc: cricket #sorry cowboy cricket. u were created only to suffer and be haunted by a person you never really knew. or something

[suffarustuffaru]

i just. remembered again that i have a fembaru fic but also the premise is. Very Messed Up hah and also it was written before the canon genderbent au with its official genderbend names for everyone so its also outdated on top of that T^T i had like. Genderqueer subtext going on too. but i also wrote this fic like almost two years ago and havent touched it in forever so im unsure if i should go back to it…. o.o but i would love to finish it one day if only for my own satisfaction hah… i had a very detailed outline for ch 2 (its a twoshot) and several scenes written already anyway!! (and also i would probably update those names, make minor edits, etc etc hmm…)

#just thinking about this wip again………… mmmm….. not super confident in my older ao3 fics but the premise for this one was like. i think i #ended up brainstorming it with a friend or two and then i was like wait holy shit howd this play out. and then i took about two weeks to #write ch1? :o #and then i like. REALLY got into revolutionary girl utena after finishing ch1 so like that def bled into um. the themes. #just. thimking…….. bc ive had so many ideas to explore like. themes regarding gender and misogyny and Choice and destiny and queerness and #all sorts of things….. bc rezero Touches on them and is even Detailed on them sometimes and id Love to go in depth. but im also a bit #nervous to bc 1. writing fic is….. so much work sometimes fr and i am but a lazy writer and 2. the slight anxiety of what if i get flamed #o.o wild to think about….. #like. i have ideas for emilia fics that are. definitely darker maybe a bit controversial but i will go off the walls with writing for the #sake of answering the questions of. can this be done. and is it possible to narratively critique canon and fandom treatment of emilia. that #sort of thing. #not that im the best writer ever akdbdnd but i do like darker fiction sometimes. and i also like being meta about things in fiction. and i #also like writing to get out a tiny bit of salt. etc etc. #i tried to write these kinds of thinngs with my atm sole emilia centric fic that i wrote. uhhh more than a year ago? and i would love to try #again one day bc ive def improved and changed as a writer since then. u know what i mean?? :o #just like. rezero and queerness is very interesting to me. #suffaru post #saving this on the blog bc i talked Too Much about my writing process here HAH #my writing process being: HOW FAR CAN I TAKE THIS IDEA AND HOW OFF THE WALLS CAN IT GET???? #in reality tho im really just a massive nerd whos gone down a massive rabbit hole of writing anime fanfic. 😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏 #if you actually read all these tags big thank you HAH

[inkmaze]

miso mushroom butter pasta has been recently added to my recipes and waough. good as hell I won't lie

#txt #extra additions like chilli oil n green onion etc. mwah. mwah!!! #n parmesan..... #theres a few diff recipes id rec one that uses cream n parm if u wanna be fancy but also tastes good without those #first time i tried i was skeptical bc i didnt know about miso in pasta.. but its good as all hell

[padfootastic]

Lily may have brushed over it but now I’m curious, why is Sirius so familiar with the Slytherin common room? Is it just stories he’s heard from his family and their friends, or has he actually been to their common room?

hehehe anon have i mentioned i absolutely adore when people pick up on the tiniest details i leave in fics? makes my heart swell.

but! my hc is that him and james have sneaked into the common room. for all houses, really, and just because they could. slytherin was a personal challenge just bc so many people they didn’t like were housed there but they did it to prove to themselves they could. it’s a feat of sneakiness, ingenuity, and audacity ykno?

i also think,,,pre-hogwarts, he would’ve seen pictures of the common room from his parents/relatives/reg constantly asking for stories bc he’s enamored by the place but being familiar enough w it to describe it only came with experience.

#sirius black #thank u for the question!! i loved it #talking ab my fics is my fav past time #slightly unrelated but i also hc that j&s had sneaked into the girls dorms #mainly bc they had friends there and wanted to sleepover #but also just bc i hate the idea of girls having stairs and not boys so that anyone could walk up there #(i get why it’s so and i understand the reasoning. kinda. but i still don’t like it) #so the kids aren’t prides and j&s have gone to many ‘dorm parties’ there over the years #prudes* #for the longest time lily didn’t know bc she wasn’t even invited to these parties #(connected to my hc ab her isolating herself accidentally on purpose) #and when she found out she tried to create a scene but her roommates etc shut it down real quick #but that’s a tangent lol sorry #pen’s asks

[swordmaid]

something about how brienne tries so hard to appear as stoic and nonchalant in the outside (how different characters perceive her) but she actually is sensitive to a lot of things and how she just internalises it like …………

#🫠🫠🫠🫠 thinking about how she always tries to hide her smile . or hide her tears . or hide if she’s feeling nervous etc . #she can never freely express her own emotions out of fear or being mocked . and it’s the same with how she feels towards someone #where she’s just used to loving from the outside and just doing stuff FOR them and not expecting anything else done to her #screaming into the wall #I guess this is also why I’m not a fan of that take where jb won’t happen but they’ll know there’s love between them but it’s not acted on #like it’s some symbolism or whatever. like yeah I get it romantic love doesn’t depend on the actions made but it’s also like #you have a character that’s been so used to suppressing everything she feels and who actually craves acknowledgement and she wants physical #touch but you’re just denying it for the sake of said Symbolism. like it’s cruel to me that she’ll never get that kind of resolution #just because it’s more symbolic that she doesn’t ????????????????????? I’m too much of a bri stan for this 🙄 #and not to mention . said character who thinks that her touches are repulsive to other people and then u don’t want her to be touched #by someone who actually cares about her ? ok ……