#trans matt murdock | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stackthedeck · 2 years

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do you have any thoughts or headcanons ab trans matt? he’s so special to me and i love projecting my gender conflict onto him

oooh okay here's my hot take Matt could be both a trans man or a trans woman and both options are interesting and exciting but this is all trans guy Matt and it went really long so send another ask for trans girl Matt. Also the headcanons all use he/him pronouns even before Matt comes out but that's how I think about my gender

Matt realizes he's a boy very young. It's the 90s, there aren't exactly words for what he's feeling yet, at least no words he's hearing from his catholic father or community. He's labeled as a tomboy and everyone ignores it, figures a little girl growing up with just a dad is going to be a bit butch. Matt can get away with wearing his hair short and wearing boy clothes because "well it's just easier for her dad, poor thing"

and then the accident happens and Matt's blind and people stop commenting about how he looks because you're not going to tell the blind kid they're doing gender wrong. And then his dad dies and he's in the orphanage and everything feels wrong. He's grieving his father and his senses are flooded with too much and he has to wear the catholic school uniform and grow his hair out, and he can't explain why but that feels just as terrible as the scratchy sheets and the wailing sirens at night. He's grieving every part of himself and he has no words for it

At his confirmation, Matt chooses St. Michael as his confirmation name. "The archangel is an odd choice, especially for a girl, but this is her confirmation and the poor girl has already been through so much." Matt chose Michael because something about that strength, being a warrior of God, holy and set apart called to him. But also he's already experienced so much death, why not the angel associated with it, why not strive to have the scales balanced, to find justice?

It briefly crosses Matt's mind that maybe he should be a nun. He brings the idea up to Sister Maggie who tells him in no uncertain terms that he's too angry, too passionate, he'd suffocate in a convent, and he needs to be out in the world. Matt says he likes the idea of not getting married, keeping his hair short under the veil, long robs that cover his body. Maggie says that he can't join just for the outfit and "it might not seem like it now, but one day, a girl like yourself, you're going to be a heartbreaker, just like your father." And Matt says he doesn't want to break any girls' hearts. Maggie sighs and tells him that it's fine if he likes girls, but technically he's supposed to be breaking boys' hearts. Oh well, he can do that too, but... Matt can't quite articulate why but something about the people he likes, how he likes them feels off? Like there's a piece of the puzzle of his attraction missing. spoiler alert: it's gender. He likes both and he knows he's not supposed to but for some reason, his brain has put boys off limits even though it should be the other way around. Because he's a girl, right?

Stick doesn't help with this gender confusion in the slightest. When Matt trains with Stick he's allowed to trade the school uniform for pants. Stick yanks on his ponytail one too many times during a sparing match and Matt just steals his sword and slices it off. Stick smacks him for dulling the blade, but he's proud that the kid is losing all attachments. And Matt likes that pride, that tiny scrape of affection. And that's the thing, it feels like Stick gets it, feels like his hatred for feminity could let Matt slip into masculinity. Stick doesn't call Matt by his given name, doesn't call him girl or miss, he's just kid. Stick doesn't pull his punches. The girls at school just whisper behind his back, call him a try-hard, a blind freak, a dyke. Stick just hits him. It's so much easier being not a girl. It hurts, but the pain goes away when the whispers don't. But Stick leaves because Matt is weak and emotional. Even with all the training, he's still that scared little girl he found crying in the orphanage. Being a girl always felt wrong, but now it hurts.

It's well into his teen years that Matt confesses to Father Lantom that he's probably gay and Father Lantom says that's alright even though it's the late 90s, it most certainly isn't the Catholic Church's stance, but it's Father Lantom's stance. Matt says he likes boys too, maybe he can marry a man and have kids and be a good Catholic wife. Lantom says that he thought Matt wanted to be a lawyer, no reason to give that up. But Matt also says sometimes he wants boys but like in the way he wants to be a boy, not just do the things they do, but be seen as one, look like one. He doesn't know what he looks like, but he knows that it's changing, rebelling against him, his skin itches with the way it just doesn't feel right. He doesn't have the words for it, but his body is wrong, but God doesn't make mistakes. Father Lantom says, "we are made in His image" and Matt's heart sinks. Right, to complain about how he looks, it's vanity, it's pride, it's desocrating creation. Father Lantom says, "the wonderful thing about creation is that it changes, that God gave man the ability to choose and create just like Him. You were made in God's image and likewise, you can make yourself reflect the image of God. Isn't that what we teach you, to reflect God?" Matt gets really quiet and nods. "I was thinking about maybe a new name?"

It's challenging to get the right resources, it's really not until Matt is 18 that he can even start the transition process. Father Lantom and Sister Maggie help, and the church help. New York is pretty progressive so by the time Matt's done with undergrad, he's got his name changed and all the gender change paperwork done and he's been on t for a year. He feels guilty about changing his name, it's one of the last things he has of his dad. But in the end, he chooses Matthew Micheal, a good Catholic name. He's still got a piece of his dad, he's a Murdock boy, after all, and he's got the same devil in him that his father did. He still has that money his dad left him, he got a full ride for undergrad, but now he has to choose. Gender-affirming surgery or law school? He chooses law school and hopes that his roommate in law school isn't a bigot.

his roommate isn't a bigot. Matt got paired with Foggy because they're both trans. Which would feel like discrimination on Columbia's part, but it's such a relief for both of them that they can't be mad.

Matt binds so unsafely, especially when doing Daredevil stuff. He hates his body, he's doing Daredevil to punish himself, to indulge his worst impulses. Of course, he's binding with bandages, his ribs are already fucked, might as well get flat as hell. Even though he doesn't want tits, he doesn't want top surgery because he'd have to take days, maybe even weeks off being Daredevil. But whatever, it's not like he has the money for it. Elektra comes back into his life after the second time dying and flashes her black card and is like "hey babe, I'm going to pay for anything you want to make up for all the hand nonsense." Elektra pays for his top surgery and offers a few other surgeries too and covers his Daredevil patrol while he recovers.

With the suits and the years on t and just the general confidence, Matt passes really well. He's definitely brought girls back to his place and they left thinking he's cis, just with a weird dick and a very talented mouth.

Foggy buys little pride flags for the office and puts a trans flag on all of their desks. Karen comes in and is "oh did you guys do that for me?" and they're like "what?" and she's like "oh, you guys didn't know I'm trans?" and Matt and Foggy are like "holy shit us too?" How it didn't come up for at least a solid year is a mystery and a miracle

#asks #oooh probably shouldn't put this in the daredevil tag #yikes i remember the last time i wrote a fic with trans characters that was a hellish month #fuck it #matt murdock #marvel #daredevil #trans matt murdock

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antique-traveler · 2 years

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the shape of his smile

alright folks, it's officially here!! the trans!matt x reader fic you've all been waiting for. i definitely wanna do some trans!reader and nb!reader stuff in the future, so keep an eye out for that too :-D

2.2k, T, trans!matt x gender neutral reader, no Y/N, no warnings

You meet Foggy first, actually. You’re working at a cafe on the Columbia campus, and he orders his coffee with a frankly absurd amount of sugar, but he seems nice and his name is memorable enough that you recognize him immediately when he comes in a couple days later with someone else.

“This,” he says, gesturing to the person standing beside him, “is my esteemed roommate, Matt Murdock.”

Matt is kind of scrawny beneath his loose sweatshirt, and clearly pretty shy. He gives you a tight smile below his dark glasses, and raises one hand from where it was tightly gripping his cane to wave at you. He’s got soft features that counterbalance the short angles of his haircut, he might have been average height if he stopped slouching. When he orders a small black coffee like he’s sixty years old, you can tell that he’s pushing his voice down into an uncomfortable part of his range.

Matt and Foggy keep coming in to your little coffee shop a few times a week as the semester starts (they’re law students, you learn, so you can forgive Foggy as he gradually starts to add more and more extra shots to his mocha lattes), and you start to notice more about Matt. The little dimples that you’ve only seen a couple times when you make a joke good enough to make him actually laugh, the slight relaxation of his voice as he becomes more used to you, the ever-present weight of the world on his shoulders.

After a couple months of joking around with the two of them, Foggy eventually invites you to one of their fabled movie nights, and their little group of two becomes a little group of three. It’s amazing to see Matt relax around you. You get more and more tastes of his dry humor and biting wit, and rare glimpses of a soft, comfortable smile, and you’re completely enthralled.

It’s you who accompanies Matt to the doctor’s office in your second year of grad school. Matt can’t wipe the smile off of his face and your hand is shaking as you take a video of the nurse applying the clear testosterone gel to Matt’s bicep.

“Congratulations, Matt,” you laugh as he rubs the gel onto his other arm, “you’re officially starting puberty!”

Matt scoffs but can’t hide his smile. “Shut up, I’m trying to pay attention.”

“You know, your body’s about to go through a lot of changes, young man,” you say in your best impression of your sixth grade health class teacher. Matt just rolls his eyes, even as a pink flush begins to color his cheeks.

Later, on the train back to Columbia, the smile still hasn’t left his face, and you feel something new begin to echo in the chambers of your heart.

Matt had insisted on bringing you a housewarming gift for your new broom closet of a studio apartment. He’d shown up at your door with the cheapest bottle of bodega “champagne” he could find, and now you two are sitting on your bed just passing the bottle back and forth, since you have neither a table nor glasses fancy enough for champagne.

You’ve been quietly cataloging the changes to Matt’s face and frame in the months since he first got his prescription for testosterone gel, and you swell with happiness and pride every time you notice something new. His face has become so much more square, his eyebrows thickening and his jaw redefining itself below his slightly sharper cheekbones. The same sweatshirts that looked two sizes too big for him when you met almost look like they fit now as his shoulders become wider– though you know that he’s been hitting the gym more lately, too. You can feel the new muscle he’s been building press into your arm as he leans against you warmly.

“The only real asshole is this guy Pat,” he says, telling you about his and Foggy’s new internship at Landlord and Zap or whatever the firm’s called. “He only ever calls all the women ‘sweetheart’ and ‘hon’–”

Just as he finishes the last word, his voice jumps an entire octave up and back down within a fraction of a second. Matt stops himself mid-sentence and flushes a bright red.

“Matt, come on, you don’t have to be embarrassed that your voice cracked,” you laugh, taking another gulp of champagne.

Suddenly Matt’s face cracks open into a smile, and you’re confused. “No, I– that’s the first time it’s happened,” he says, grinning so big it looks like it hurts. “My voice is changing.”

“Oh my God,” you say as you set down the champagne bottle on the ground next to your bed. “Oh my God! Matt!”

He just laughs and leans forward into your hug, and you can feel the shape of his smile on your shoulder.

“I mean, if you could’ve heard what these guys were saying about him, about how stupid he was for even trying to sue… it makes me sick to my stomach.” Matt’s knuckles are turning white where he’s gripping the mug in his hands. This has probably been a long time coming, you think. Matt’s complaints about L&Z have only gotten more and more intense as the months have passed, and you weren’t surprised at all when he told you he was going to try and convince Foggy to leave with him and start their own firm.

“You don’t have to convince me, Matt,” you say, leaning across the table at this tiny cafe. “You’ve been telling me for months how shitty these guys are, and I think you’re doing the right thing by leaving. Honestly, I’m surprised it’s taken you this long.”

Matt relaxes his death grip on his mug and sighs a little, shaking his head. “Yeah… isn’t there some old saying about straws breaking camels’ backs?”

You chuckle a little bit, but stop yourself. Something on Matt’s face catches your eye, and you lean a little bit further forward to get a better look. There, just on the tip of Matt’s chin and the very corner of his jaw, are a few small, dark hairs pushing their way out of Matt’s skin. Even on the curve of his new Adam’s apple, you see them growing. They’re sparse and few in number, but they’re there– Matt’s beard.

Matt tilts his head and makes a face at you. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

“Yeah, you sure do,” you laugh, “hair.”

Matt’s mouth falls open and his hand flies to his cheek. “Really?”

“Yeah! On your chin and way back on your jaw. There’s not a lot, but I can definitely see it.”

That smile that’s started to make your heart ache more and more comes back on his face, and doesn’t leave for the rest of the time you’re with him. It comes back a few days later at Matt’s apartment while he, you, and Foggy are crammed into the bathroom while Foggy teaches him how to shave. From your perch on the side of his bathtub, you see that smile in his eyes, even if his mouth is contorted to pull the skin on his upper lip taut. Your heart buzzes a little bit, seeing him that happy, and you realize that this whole time, ever since Matt walked into that cafe at Columbia, you’ve been totally screwed.

It took less time than you were expecting for you to stop being furious at Matt. Foggy had practically dragged him bodily into your apartment to tell you about his big red secret, and you’d only spent a couple weeks rejecting his calls and telling Foggy to tell Matt to go fuck himself. Soon enough, though, you started paying more attention to the headlines about Daredevil stopping muggings and taking down traffickers and saving kittens stuck in trees or whatever, and you found yourself knocking on his door, tears in your eyes, just missing your best friend.

You’d given him hell about it, of course you had. He got himself beat up almost nightly, took punches and bullets in equal measure, and he did it all in his binder, dear God. The kicked puppy look he gave you as you started to lecture him, though, told you that he’d definitely already heard all that and more from Foggy, and that now he just desperately needed a friend. So you just folded him up in your arms and tried to ignore the swelling in your heart as you felt his stubble brush against your cheek and the low rumbling of his voice vibrated into your chest.

Now, the day has finally come. He’s been saving up for years; you’ve watched him opt for the cheapest of almost everything he buys ever since you met him, and now you’re in the hospital waiting room, tapping your foot and trying to keep yourself distracted until you’re allowed to go into his recovery room and take him home.

When a nurse finally comes by and leads you to his room, you have to hold back from throwing yourself onto him and hugging him tight. His eyes are only half open as you enter, clearly still loopy from the anesthetic. The bandages around his chest are wound tight, and the small plastic receptacles near each of his armpits are already slowly filling with blood.

He gives you a slow, watery smile and limply lifts a hand to wave at you. You try to still your fluttering heart now that you know he can hear it, but it’s useless. You’ve been gone for him since the first movie night you shared at his and Foggy’s dorm, what’s the point of pretending you’re not?

You help him into his zip-up jacket and record everything the doctors and nurses say on your phone for Matt to listen to later, and before you know it you’re pushing him into the backseat of a taxi and letting him rest his head on your shoulder.

It’s only an hour or two later when he says it. He’s sprawled out on his couch while you grab him an ice pack from the freezer. He grabs your hand as you start to situate it between his chest and arm, and you go still.

“Hey, I, um… I think I’m in love with you,” he says, and your heart drops into your shoes. His eyelids are still heavy with painkillers and his words slur together the littlest bit, and you feel sick.

“Matt,” you say, smoothing down his hair, “you’re on a lot of painkillers. You’re not thinking straight.”

“No,” he argues, face suddenly stern and serious. “I’m not saying this ‘cause of the painkillers. I’ve felt this way for a long time.” His cheeks have the slightest pink flush on them, and you know, you know, that you can’t do this. He’s sedated, he’s loopy and in pain and vulnerable and you can’t take advantage of him like this. You’d never forgive yourself, even if he is telling the truth.

So instead of answering, you just pat his cheek and try to ignore the broken look on his face as you walk away.

The next week of taking care of Matt passes in a haze. Even as you two go to his follow-up appointment and he gets to feel his newly flat chest for the first time, your smile is genuine, but there’s a fog between you and your emotions. You stand by your decision last week, but a part of you thinks that by not betraying Matt’s trust when he told you how he felt, you might have betrayed yourself instead.

That same smile you’ve been admiring for years stays on his face in the cab ride back to his apartment after the appointment, and you can’t take your eyes off of it. Back at his apartment, he immediately strips off his shirt the moment the door’s closed and just continues moving casually around his apartment shirtless, just because he can.

You stay frozen in the entryway to the living room as you watch him, eyes glued to him and feet glued to the floor. You can still see the silhouette of the boy you’d met at Columbia in him somewhere, shy and self-conscious and at odds with the world just because of how much he thought he didn’t belong in it. Now he moves with a grace and confidence that you never imagined he’d ever have back then. His broad shoulders descend into solid biceps and a muscular back, his deep voice is evidenced by the Adam’s apple that sits nestled in his scruffy, even beard, and his square, angular face is showing that soft smile again as he runs his hands over his chest, flat and well-defined and his.

Something in you melts away, decides that everything makes sense now, and you take the few steps that separate you two confidently. He’s facing away from you, but you place a hand on his shoulder and turn him, and the moment he’s facing you, you kiss him. He’s still for a moment, but soon his large hands find their way to your waist and he’s tilting his head as he sighs into the kiss.

You only break away once the oxygen between you becomes scarce, and there it is on his face. That smile. You run a thumb over his bottom lip and feel the same smile take hold of your own face. “I’m in love with you, too,” you say. “Have been for a long time.”

Matt laughs, low and easy and right and says, “I know,” before he’s kissing you again, and you can feel both of you smiling into the kiss in the exact same way.

big thank you to @sobachka-korol and @mattmurdockspainkink for the encouragement, hope y'all liked it!! <3

#my fic #daredevil #matt murdock #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x you #trans matt murdock #gender neutral reader #matt murdock x gender neutral reader #nmcu #netflix daredevil #daredevil fanfiction

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metalphoenix · 2 years

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Trans Matt Murdock

Ok I know I’m not the first one to do this but yesterday I was board so I fucked around and transed Matts gender.

{Image Description: Matt Murdock a white man with fluffy brown hair and scruff. He is not wearing his glasses and his eyes are squinting because he is smiling really big. He is lounging upright on his couch one of his arms is resting on the back of it. He is shirtless and all of his scars are visible and in addition to the canon scars OP (thats me!) has photoshopped top surgery scars onto him. End Image Description}

Some bonus trans head canons:

-Matt knew from a young age that he wasn’t a girl. Jack thought he was just a tom boy for the longest time. Matt came out right before the accident. Jack started to call him Matty as a sort of transition from Madeleine (his dead name) to Matthew. Matt liked the name. Jack let him cut his hair and wear more masculine clothing.

-*TW for transphobic language in this section* When Stick started training him he was a huge biggot. He would call Matt by his name and use the right pronouns but made sure he felt shit about himself for it. He would call him Matty but in a not nice way, more like the nickname Maddy derived from his dead name. He would also say things like “god your the weakest boy I’ve ever met” “your a fucking pussy” “a real boy your get up and take it” “a real boy wouldn’t complain” and other horrible things.

-*TW transphobia in this section* the nuns kind of ignored his gender. They mostly deadnamed him and used she/her pronouns. Father Lantom was a bit better about it.

-At 18 one of the first things he did was take the money Jack left him and start Testosterone and get top surgery. By the time he hits law school he’s been stealth for a few years. Even though he has transitioned he still has a lot of internalized transphobia from Stick and the orphanage and very much hates himself for not being born cis.

-He and Foggy meet at the beginning of L1 and Foggy is pretty nervous because they have been out and proud as nonbinary for a long time and they realize that Matt is Catholic. When they tell him he handles it really well and uses all the right pronouns but doesn’t come out to them quite yet.

-Its not until half way through L1 that Matt finally tells them. Foggy is ecstatic and helps show Matt that being trans is something to celebrate instead of be ashamed of. Matt still has internalized stuff but he doesn’t hate himself as much as before.

-Matt has to go to Planned Parenthood every two weeks to get his T injection because he can’t fill up the syringe on his own. When Foggy finds this out they’re like “Hey I could totally do that for you!” and Matt is just :o {surprised face}. Foggy reiterates that its totally fine if he feels more comfortable going into the clinic for it, its totally his choice which they will completely respect. Matt actually hates having to go in every two weeks and takes them up on the offer. They go together at the next appointment and the nurse shows Foggy how to do it and they practice a few times with a small amount of saline. Foggy does Matt’s injections from then on.

-After they start Nelson and Murdock, Karen (a trans woman) find out that Matt has never once been to pride despite Foggy (who has been every year since they were a teenager) trying to get him to go. She makes it her mission to get him to go and finally he relents. He’s nervous because the noise will mess with his senses and the crowd will make it hard for him to navigate with his cane. He would die before he says this but Foggy and Karen are perceptive and promise to guide him the entire time. When they go Karen goes shirtless (she's on estrogen but has not had surgery) because you don’t need boobs to be a woman! She does crazy eye makeup one eye has trans colors and the other has bisexual colors (credit for the idea of Karens makeup goes to @marvelvibess) Foggy paints their nails black and Karen does their makeup which is similar to hers but instead of the trans colors its nonbinary colors. They also wear a pronoun pin. Matt goes a bit more low key with dark blood red nail polish and eyeliner and a two small pins one trans and one bisexual. Foggy also gets him rainbow sunglasses which he wears. They all have a blast.

-After The People v. Frank Castle and the office breakup Foggy stops doing Matt’s T shots. They are really mad at him. So, Matt calls Claire. She's just happy that he’s called her for something thats not a life threatening injury. After Defenders when Matt wakes up at St. Agnes and he’s well enough he goes back to his apartment to steal his supplies. Sister Maggie begrudgingly does it for him (she's not sure how to feel about her child being trans but its obvious that this is who he is so its kind of a if you can’t beat him join him type thing). After Season 3 and the trio get back together Foggy starts doing it again.

And thats all I have for trans Matt Murdock!

TLDR: Matts known he’s trans since he was little. Stick was a dick about it. He starts transitioning at 18 and Foggy (who is NB) starts doing his shots for him. Karen (a trans woman) and Foggy drag him to pride. Claire does his injections after the office breakup then Maggie does it after that until they all make up again.

-Phoenix

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