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mrsreginagold · 1 month

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Fic: Fill The Spaces Inside Of My Heart

Fandom: Nikita

Pairing: Ari Tasarov x Nikita Mears (Nikari)

Rating: R

Spoilers: Canonically refers to events in 3 x 12 but diverges drastically. Nikita is also not engaged to Michael.

Summary: Nikita has been avoiding Division’s latest guest, though whether it’s because of her own guilt or a different emotion entirely is something she can’t quite figure out.

Author's Note: We Go Down Together by Dove Cameron and Khalid is essentially their theme song, particularly in season 3. Tragic, doomed by narrative OTPs have long been a problem of mine, but at the very least I attempt to fix things for them when canon doesn't comply.

On AO3

Fill The Spaces Inside of My Heart

It was arguably the rarest of circumstances for Nikita Mears to overthink her actions. Part of what made her so excellent at survival was her ability to perform quick judgements while under pressure.

And yet – there she was, standing, frozen, hand raised to knock at Ari Tasarov’s door, and completely uncertain of how to proceed.

The former head of Gogol had been in Division’s custody for roughly two weeks. In that time, he proved useful in gathering intelligence for missions, but remained at their headquarters while his wounds healed.

Injuries, as it happened, that Nikita bestowed upon him.

She was sure that the overwhelming guilt regarding how severely she had treated him would pass, but his proximity also resulted in something unexpected.

From the moment that the pair met, there was an undeniable simmering attraction between them. However, Nikita had never taken the time to dwell on it. Now, with Ari around consistently, she found herself distracted by him more often than not.

It did not help that the man was frustratingly handsome, but what really disarmed her was the intensity in his gaze when it was directed at her.

She feared that if she stared too long into that ocean of clear blue – she would inevitably drown one day.

It was often difficult to form coherent words while in his presence, and though she’d rehearsed her apology about ten times over in her mind, it was of no use. She was entirely at a loss as to what to do or say.

She was also so lost in her own reverie that she didn’t notice she was no longer alone till a strong hand landed on her shoulder.

“What are you doing here, Nikita?”

Her response was a startled shriek while she pivoted around to find herself face-to-face with Ari.

He blinked several times, surprised by her reaction. “Perhaps you should lay off the caffeine my dear.”

One hand flew up to her chest, her breathing erratic at the unintended jump-scare. “Or maybe you shouldn’t sneak up on someone who knows over a hundred ways to kill you!”

His lips twitched in amusement, and he crossed his arms over his chest before replying. “A fair point. However, it doesn’t answer my question: what are you doing here?”

“I…” cohesive thoughts rapidly deteriorated once the shock subsided and she got a better look at him. “Did you go for a swim?”

His short, dark hair was damp, with errant strands swept to one side and falling across his angular features rakishly. There was still moisture evident on the skin revealed by the vee in his white tee-shirt, which clung to the surprisingly sculpted planes of his torso in a manner that left little to the imagination. This was paired with black sweats, while his feet were bare.

“I had a quick shower,” he explained, concern crossing his face over how intently she was staring. “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah,” she stammered, bringing her gaze back to his. “I’m just not used to seeing you wearing something like that. I figured you wouldn’t touch anything that wasn’t Armani.”

“Right now, I don’t exactly have a choice,” he chuckled. “And I highly doubt anyone would appreciate it if I wandered around naked.”

Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure, she thought, idly, and then flushed at the lustful turn her musings had taken. “Right. That would be a bad idea.”

“And cold,” he teased, taking a step forward. “But I doubt that you came all this way to chat about the finer details of fashion. What’s on your mind?”

She inhaled sharply, trying to calm the butterflies that had begun to flutter around her stomach. “Actually, I came to apologize.”

His brow furrowed. “Apologize? Whatever for?”

“What for? I hurt you. Repeatedly. It took a week for the swelling to go down! I nearly cut off your hand! Take your pick!!!”

He moved closer, seemingly undaunted by her outburst. “Nikita, you were doing what you were trained for. You don’t need to apologize for what’s essentially your job.”

There were sole inches between them now, and her heart rate picked up as she trailed her gaze over his mostly healed face. The cut on his left cheekbone had yet to disappear entirely, and the bruise was still fading on his right eye, but other than that: there was no evidence of how badly she had beaten him.

Unable to resist, Nikita reached out and delicately traced along his jawline. “I’m so, so sorry…” she whispered. “I should have given you the benefit of the doubt and instead I lost control.”

His hand caught hers, stalling the motion. “It’s all right. If what you need is my forgiveness, you have it.”

Relief flooded her senses and without a second thought, she stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips lightly to his cheek, murmuring her gratitude when she pulled back slowly.

Those stunning eyes of his searched hers immediately after the impromptu affection, the air between them becoming charged with emotion.

“Why did you really come all this way, so late at night, Nikita?” He queried.

She drew in a shaky breath and then answered, honestly. “You. I wanted to see you.”

It was evident that this was the response he had been waiting for, as his next action was to gather her into his arms for an appreciative, passion-filled kiss.

The world around them shattered as they gave in to the embrace, Nikita draping her arms over Ari’s shoulders, a delighted squeal escaping when he abruptly lifted her up and carried her the short distance to his temporary quarters.

There was a tell-tale click as the door shut behind them, offering complete privacy.

Her pulse jumped considerably when his mouth strayed from hers to gain purchase on her throat, her head falling back to grant him better access.

He nipped teasingly at her clavicle and then slipped the cardigan she wore down her arms, leaving her in a simple black camisole.

Goosebumps erupted due to the cool air and the contact of his elegant fingers while they travelled along her back, eventually sliding under the silk to trace over bare skin.

She mumbled something incoherently against his lips, finally parting for air to communicate what she wanted with an insistent tug at his shirt.

It was peeled up over his head rapidly, her hands eagerly discovering the beautifully toned chest and stomach now exposed to her touch.

She yanked him close for another fervent kiss, the pair toppling onto the bed in the corner of the room.

Clothing quickly formed a pile on the floor, naked limbs entwining once there were no more barriers, and they sank together into a welcome nest of blankets.

Ari proved a very giving lover, pressing lingering kisses to every inch of Nikita’s skin and dedicating time to areas that proved more sensitive.

She raked her nails through the hair on his chest and hooked one leg over his before twisting and bearing him beneath her, amused when an astonished look crossed his face due to her actions.

“I told you I was here to apologize,” she tilted her head, a playful smile crossing her lips while she straddled him.

“I think this goes above and beyond an apology,” he eyed her, hunger evident in the sea-colored depths of his gaze while one hand slowly inched up her stomach until he could thumb along the underside of her breast.

She shivered, her nerve endings exploding into overdrive from the slightest brush of his fingers. “Or maybe I’m just being thorough.”

“I’m not minding,” he admitted, sitting up just enough to follow the path he had created with his lips instead.

Coherent thoughts drifted away instantly when he purposely lavished devotion to sensitized skin. She coiled her legs around his waist as they settled into a sitting position instead, exchanging a meaningful look before joining together with a fluid thrust.

They continued this way – as equals – exchanging romantic kisses while they found a perfect symmetry of movement.

She clawed at his back hard enough to leave marks when their motions began to lose grace, which he took as a signal to gently recline her beneath him.

They reached completion not long after.

“How many recruits do you think have engaged in this exact scenario?” Ari’s tone was thoughtful as he stroked idly over the curve of Nikita’s hip.

They had resituated to face one another, a tangle of sweat-streaked skin and rumpled blankets, basking in the afterglow from multiple rounds of love making.

She reached out and traced an invisible pattern across his chest. “Given the average age tends to be in the late teens, I’d say most if not all?”

He chuckled, low and incredibly attractive, filling her to the brim with want all over again. “I can’t say that I’m surprised.”

She sighed, stretched lazily, and then curled further into his arms. “Neither am I, though I don’t envy anyone on sanitation duty.”

There was a huff of laughter before his lips grazed her forehead. “Any port in a storm, as they say. At least these beds are more comfortable than the ones at Gogol…or whatever prison awaits me.”

Reality came crashing back as she remembered their situation – and the fact that she was partly responsible for it.

Nikita peered up at her lover, noting the serious expression on his face. Her heart clenched. “Ari…”

“It’s all right Nikita,” he threaded his fingers through her tousled hair, risking a nuzzle before whispering: “There’s much I still have to atone for.”

“Maybe you can do that here. I could talk to Ryan, ask if there was another option.”

His eyes widened at the sincerity in her voice. “Is that even possible? I don’t blame anyone here for wanting to shoot me on sight.”

“Division isn’t the same now. I have more sway. Ryan is much fairer than Percy or Amanda without even trying.” She crawled half-way on top of him and looked intently into his eyes. “Ari, please let me help you.”

The silence stretched between them for a long moment as he searched her gaze.

She found herself holding her breath in anticipation for his answer.

Slowly, a tender smile was directed her way and he swept her into a loving kiss.

“Is that a yes?” she mumbled.

“There’s nothing I’d love more than to remain here with you.”

Judging by how eagerly she returned his affection – it was clear that she wished for the same thing, and to remain exactly where she belonged. Namely, with him.

The End

#nikari #ari x nikita #mine #mrsreginagold #fanfiction #peter outerbridge #ari tasarov #nikita 2010 #otp: enemy mine #otp: this is the life we've chosen #i need to update all my posts with that tag #it's *serious* otp level when i create multiple tags #and they jumped to my top 10 FAST

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cultofcreatures · 2 years

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10 Scariest Movies I’ve Personally Ever Seen

Last year, I wrote a post about the 10 scariest movies I’d ever seen. I’ve since seen way more movies considered to be quite scary, and I have to say many of the ones on the old list I made aren’t scary to me at all these days haha. At least in comparison to many of the new and new-to-me movies I’ve seen since I made that original list. Some of them stood the test of time and remain on the updated list, but I hope you find some new recommendations. As before, this list is ranked and not definitive. Merely my opinion. Note: It has been a minute since I’ve seen some of these, so the trigger warning lists are not exhaustive.

10. Buried (2010)

Genres: Psychological, thriller

A civilian truck driver in Iraq must work against the clock to get himself out of a buried coffin with little more than a lighter and a Blackberry.

Everything about this film is stressful. It starts stressful and doesn’t let up for the entire runtime. If you’re claustrophobic, maybe skip this one.

TW: claustrophobia

Streaming: HBO Max

9. Gaia (2021)

Genres: Horror, thriller, fantasy

A South African forestry employee takes shelter with survivalists after being attacked by mysterious creatures in the woods.

I don’t want to spoil too much, but I will just say I had a nightmare about plants growing out of the bottoms of my feet when I was a kid that sort of scarred me for life, and this movie plays on that fear. Admittedly, it is a personal reason why I find it so scary, but nonetheless, it is sure to make your skin crawl.

TW: body horror

Streaming: Hulu

8. See For Me (2021)

Genres: Thriller

A newly blind cat sitter is forced to rely on a seeing eye app in order to defend herself against dangerous intruders in the house she’s watching and unfamiliar with.

Home invasion is something that really gets under my skin personally, and I can’t imagine how terrifying it would be to have to navigate a situation like that while you’re losing the use of one of your senses. It’s not the best movie on this list, but it is quite tense.

TW: home invasion, violence

Streaming: Shudder

7. Last Night in Soho (2021)

Genres: Horror, thriller

A young modern fashion design student is mysteriously able to enter the life of her fashion idol, a 1960s wannabe singer through her dreams. As the student taps more into her muse, she learns not everything as it may seem.

On paper, it doesn’t necessarily sound terrifying, but it gets scarier and scarier as the story unfolds. Again, I don’t wanna spoil too much.

TW: SA, violence

Streaming: HBO Max

6. Host (2020)

Genres: Horror, found footage, supernatural

A group of friends hold a seance over Zoom to entertain themselves and spend time together during lockdown when a malicious spirit starts messing with them.

I’ll just leave what I typed for the original post: This entire film was written and produced during lockdown. Maybe that’s part of what makes it so scary. It uses one of the functions we found vital to stay connected during lockdown: Zoom chat. How terrifying would it be if you were talking to your friends over Zoom, they were being attacked, and there was nothing you could do about it? It really utilizes the format for its scares with its “less is more” mentality.

TW: gore

Streaming: Shudder

5. The Strangers (2008)

Genres: Horror, home invasion, psychological

James takes his partner, Kristen, to the family vacation home for a relaxing weekend away that quickly sours due to random acts of harassment and violence.

The realism and arbitrary nature of the situation are what make this film terrifying.

TW: home invasion

Streaming: Nowhere rn

4. The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Genres: Horror, found footage, supernatural, psychological

Three college kids head into a forest in Maryland in an attempt to make a documentary about a local cryptid for a college film course when the subject of their film takes an interest in them.

Your imagination is far scarier than anything shown on screen, but that’s what’s scary about it. You can’t see exactly what’s happening, and the confusion and uncertainty are what cause you discomfort.

TW: gore

Streaming: Hulu, HBO Max

3. Get Out (2017)

Genres: Horror, psychological

Chris goes upstate with his girlfriend for a weekend to meet her parents. Things are weird at first, which Chris perceives as racial awkwardness, but more and more disturbing discoveries begin to unravel as the weekend goes on.

This film is a disturbing reminder of how far people can, do, and would take racism. It’s also an exploration into how horrifying the loss of bodily autonomy is (a reality for some).

TW: racism

Streaming: Nowhere rn

2. The Invisible Man (2020)

Genres: Horror, thriller, scifi

Cecilia runs away from her abusive ex-partner, then soon after finds out he’s dead. Weird things start happening to her as she tries to put her life back together in the aftermath of their relationship.

Honestly, this is one of the most terrifying things as someone with mental illness, a history of being abused, and just as a woman. The camerawork is some of the best I have seen in my life. It and the music are *so* terrifying. I cannot recommend this movie enough.

TW: abuse, psych unit, self h*rm

Streaming: Nowhere rn

1. The Night House (2020)

Genres: Horror, psychological, supernatural

Beth is left alone to deal with her grief in her lakeside house after the death of her husband. Strange things begin to occur as she slowly uncovers disturbing secrets about a house he recently built.

I can’t really explain why this one freaks me out so badly. Definitely not without spoiling it, but also it scares me on a deeply existential level that I wouldn’t really be able to describe anyway, I don’t think. This might be one that you’d just have to watch and see for yourself. What scares me about this film is deeply personal. It captures a familiar desperate emptiness that I've tried so hard to hide away as my mental health has gotten better. It forces me to face something I don't want to face. But that's what makes the horror genre, dare I say it, something that can be so personal. It really is based on the life experiences we have that determine what we find to be the scariest.

TW: s*icide

Streaming: HBO Max

And that was my revamped list of scariest movies I’ve ever seen. And all of them are actually movies this time! Lol. Like I said, this is just my opinion. What we find scary is based on our individual life experiences. What do you think? What are the scariest movies *you’ve* ever seen? Are any of the ones on my list also on yours? Let me know! Hopefully you were able to add one or two of these to your Halloween watchlist this year. Happy spooky season!

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