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circular-bircular · 7 days

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Now that I can finally sit down and take 10 minutes to write this post--

Earlier today, we finally dived into the littlescourse that's starting up again. I fucking despite littles discourse, but it's so important to talk about, especially since there are a lot of common misconceptions. So, I'm going to get my thoughts out under a cut.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that child parts and littles are not the same thing. Child parts are parts who are stuck in that trauma; stuck in that moment. They often split when you're that age yourself, and they still feel that age entirely.

We only loosely have a child part, and we don't indicate which of our 14 alters is that part.

Then we have littles. Little is a term used by the community to denote... a lot of things, honestly -- it has a fairly loose definition from what I've seen! The way I use it for my system is "Part that identifies as a child in spirit." That is because none of my parts are literally children; all of them can acknowledge we are 26, going on 27, and can accurately remember things. Only one part gets fuzzy on that, and that would be said child part.

Our littles are adults. Because I am an adult.

Now, to address some of what was said in the post from earlier (which I will not be linking, as I genuinely don't want to bother OP with this, but it's all things I feel need said):

something I HATE about syscords is that they have sections specifically for littles. they are CHILDREN. Why are you letting them have a place online?

I hate littles channels in syscords too, because often, my littles who curse, discuss severe trauma, and like to vent about adult matters are stuck with child parts. If your post is discussing child parts, then... I can understand some of your reservations, honestly! But I can also say, to each system their own -- maybe that system knows something I don't about how safe their child parts can be. I know I can let my child part talk in syscords without it being harmful for her, though we do keep a close eye.

I'm sorry, but caretakers in your system are there for your littles.

None of my caretakers look after my littles because our system only has three caretakers -- and two of them are our littles. We have Sie and LED, who are our emotional caretakers. The other caretaker is... Sie, but grown up -- Sierra. By your logic, my littles should be caretaking themselves! Which. They do.

Which, skipping around a bit, leads me to this point you made:

The fact that you let your littles participate in adult actions and they are "mature enough" when littles are there to heal your inner child that you LOST due to trauma makes me SO disturbed.

...

My littles aren't here to "heal the inner child that I lose due to trauma."

Straight up, that is not their job.

Sie's job is to help us understand that we can still have fun as an adult. She's there to remind us that childhood is how we define it, not how our parents did. She isn't there to 'heal our inner child' -- she's there to heal our inner adults.

LED's job is to regulate our emotions. We struggle with our distress, our fear, our shame. When it gets too much, he helps us to see the positive light in the world again. His job is also to process trauma and come to terms with what we've gone through in a healthy manner; learning how to grow up is his job.

And Gazi, her job is specifically related to Curtis's. Yknow. The sexual alter we have who we split to deal with our internalized homophobia and transphobia. Gazi, who is there to help him process his feelings. To help us all process our feelings, as we start to integrate more. She's newer, so it's hard for us to understand her role, but nowhere there do I feel "healing our inner child" fits.

Your system is not applicable to everyone. For instance, my system does not have an "inner child" who needs healed in that way, and even if we consider our one child part to need healing -- it wouldn't be their job!

Our mum (an adult, like you.) is a system and one of her littles isn't allowed to consent or have adult actions, you know why? BECAUSE THAT LITTLE IS A CHILD!!

Cool! My littles aren't like that. That was my point in my post.

Every system is different and I won't judge you for what you do. But the fact you openly say this shit on the internet as a GROWN ADULT makes me lose faith in the future for everyone.

This sounds a hell of a lot like judging me for what I do.

For most systems the littles chat is there for a reason and that's to protect them, especially if that system is a minor. Which in syscords, is mostly minors.

Never said they're inherently bad; I just said I wish more syscords allowed people to choose for themselves if their littles need to isolate in those channels.

As I MINOR (let me say it again.) MINOR with littles, for some systems I get why littles can't stay in main chat in syscords, it's for safety.

Cool! I genuinely don't know why people in syscourse are so insistent on reminding everyone that they're minors. It's okay to be a kid. I didn't describe anything graphic in my post. I simply mentioned "mature acts."

Obviously, as a 16 year old... You shouldn't be doing those mature acts! But I would hope that, by 16, you can understand that... adults... do mature things sometimes? And can find positivity, joy, and yes, healing through those mature things. I had hope that you were mature enough, yourself, to be able to acknowledge that adults do things you don't do.

Your system will be different you're an ADULT. but us, we're a MINOR, there's still things that we don't even understand and we're still going through my own traumas. You're able to recognise basic things without being disturbed and out right saying your littles can do outrageous shit like this.

You being a minor once again does not negate the ability to understand "Huh, maybe that person's experiences will be okay once I'm older."

I can recognize you're a minor and going through your own traumas. I never once said you need to let your littles completely loose to do whatever they want -- in fact, I strongly advise against it, especially if you're still in an active trauma situation. But. Minors can recognize basic things "without being disturbed" as well. That's not something I gained from being an adult. I knew how to do that at age 15 at least.

The reason the post even exists is to state our opinion and talk into the void about issues that either we have or others do. Not for you to compare your system to everyone else's. Respectfully.

I will be honest, I don't feel very respected, with my actions which have been incredibly healing for my parts being called outrageous, disturbing, and something to lose faith over. I'm really sorry that your post -- publicly put into the DID tags with the word "thoughts?" at the end of the post -- wasn't looking for other system input. I'm also really sorry that you're going to get a LOT more people explaining their thoughts on this, when it seems like the conversation is unwanted.

The fact is, your experiences are not just not universal -- they are also fairly uncommon. Many, many, many systems have found healing through letting their littles grow up and be mature. Whatever that may look like for them.

And then this last bit...

(I'm not pressed about this, but the way you've replied makes me feel physically ill from someone who has been taken advantage of not only as a child, but also has had to see our littles go out of their way to not be around a caretaker because they wanna talk to people and then hurt, harassed and exposed to disgusting content online because people are CREEPS. For our system, we CANNOT let littles into online spaces. Especially around strangers. Our littles have the mindset of a 16 year old. so, oh so sorry to stay it's different for minors.)

You've made a lot of bold assumptions here, entirely based on your own experiences once again.

I am a system who was taken advantage of as a child. I've also had my littles -- back when they were more akin to child parts -- go out of their way to not be around a caretaker. I've had my littles get hurt in the past, exposed to disgusting content, and participate in acts they could not, at the time, consent to. We were severely hurt by these actions.

I also changed. They changed. And we grew.

There is hope for the future, you know that, right? Again, I know you're 16, but I really hope you know that there will come a time when those child parts of you may grow up, or become part of you in their own right. There may come a time in your future when you will need to navigate romance and intimacy and "mature things" in regards to your littles. I don't say this to scare you, but to help you understand that there can be growth and change.

You don't need to make that leap right now -- again, please fucking don't, you are a LITERAL MINOR -- but understand that healing can come in many ways.

I compared my system in your post to help you understand the perspective of others who might be healing in ways other than yours, or even just the perspective of others who aren't like you at all. Not to say all systems have to be like mine, or that you HAVE to let your littles do things like what mine do. I'm not sure how many times I could've added, "This definitely isn’t the case for every system" like I did in the post, but... Yeah. Apparently I didn't make that clear enough.

Things are different for minors, yet. Thankfully, you've only got two more years left before maybe, just maybe, it might be time to start thinking about what your life may be like as an adult, and what healing may come in your future one day.

#syscourse #keeping up with nerd shit

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tumblasha · 8 months

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10.02.2023 - grateful

i feel like this is a word that’s brought up a lot in my writing [1] and today is not any different. this month is so special to me!! let me list some reasons why:

a. reunion month (i saw a college pal today in LA, i will see a high school pal next week in nyc, i will see almost everyone here This Weekend in nyc!)

b. it’s my little brother’s bday at the end of the month! oct 23 if u wanna send david some happy bday thoughts :)

c. learning that my life is flexible! i work remotely!! i can work from wherever!!! [2]

d. end of this week will be my official first completed month of being an Employed Adult with a Big Job renting an Apartment with Roommates who are Nice to me

e. i saw pabllo vittar today! talked to some brazilians!! i met a peruvian-boricua (bori-peruana? idk)!!! glad i wore my ear plugs bc pv was yelling all night (positive)

f. i’m planning to travel internationally next year!! taiwan in march and hopefully perú in june / july [3]

i just love myself, everything, and everyone & i wanted to shout that into a void for more than 280 characters

thank u,

<3 -dc

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[1] if u look up “grateful” or “blessed” on my twt acct you will Find things, esp references to this one mha panel of the main character thinking his life is blessed (he’s surrounded by his friends having dinner) right before they all go into war. the war part is less applicable. (i also journal in my notebook but no one will see that)

[2] been feeling homesick. looking forward to november, going to stay in houston for two weeks LOL

[3] my grandpa (dad’s dad) has been feeling lonely so we wanna say hiii. he deals w lonely-based depression and it’s hitting hard again bc i think my aunt and young cousin moved out :( kinda scared tho bc he and my grandma (dad’s mom) hate hate hate traveling so i forgot if they got their covid vaccines yet (they don’t even like the 3hr car + 2hr plane trip to lima). i’m sure they got at least a first dose, idk abt boosters, but my fam hates masking so i hope they’ll mask up for them :((

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falsemortal · 8 months

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🫠 more.. ramblings… cw anxiety, depression, Probably other shit too

I’ve been very anxious lately. My brain won’t shut up about stupid stuff.

I’m probably overthinking or not thinking at all because I’m so goddamn dumb.

I hate how obsessive I get. I try to keep it locked away, but it seeps out and makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I just cling and smother and I hate it so fucking much. I can’t be normal about people.

My biggest fear is being forgotten, which happens all the time at work.. and well, family, too.

My siblings don’t talk to me, I’m sure they’d respond to me if I sent them a message.. but what would I talk about? I have nothing going for me.

I have no connection with extended family, have never had it either. The only time I saw anyone, it’s at a funeral, and even then, I have to be told who is who.. which is kinda sad.

It hurts to see people have healthy relations with family and friends, but also the gross jealousy of it all. Wanting something I’ll never obtain. It’s awful and I recognize it each and every time it happens, same with the feeling of myself being manipulative. It just comes out like alarm bells in my mind and makes my anxiety skyrocket that I’m being overwhelming.

And..with work, the only time anyone notices that I’m not there is if things start piling up. I take care of so much shit behind the scenes, that if I just up and quit.. I do think chaos would happen.

I’ve only been putting like 40% of my energy into my own department and it is very noticeable to me, I can see my backstock growing and growing because I haven’t had the time to work it unless I stay over.. which is not something I want to do when I’m already doing 6 day weeks there, which doesn’t count the extra 4 days that I’m at my other job. I’m just so fucking exhausted and want rest.. but I can’t. I have adult responsibilities. I might be “lucky” to have been able to buy my own house.. but I am alone with that. There is no other income, it’s.. only me and that brings so much dread and anxiety.. because one day I will have enough of my main job and will just walk out. I may be looking at loads of job listings, but nothing.. looks applicable.. and I desperately want out of retail.. and customer facing stuff entirely.

Thanks to anyone who read.. this, I’ll be okay some day,, but for now,, I’m just an empty husk who just.. feels bad.

I hope to write some fanfic later today, to cheer myself up.. but I dunno if I’ll get to it. I might just wallow some more because I’m awful.

+ if.. I’m quiet, this is why

#it’s taken me years to realize that after-period me is very… delicate mentally #mortal life #ignore me I’m just uhhh rotting #cw depression #cw anxiety

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stampstamp · 10 months

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Grrrr venting argh

So the summer school situation has been pissing me off for over a month because no one during the job application process said 'by the way, over summer the campus will be filled with bored, loud children from Italy and China* at the exact age you can't handle. They'll be coughing and sneezing and throwing paper planes in the area where you work and you'll have to keep telling them not to sit at your desk, touch your things or use the lift, run down the stairs and use the lift again over and over because the organisers don't get why that bothers you or the rest of your team and their teachers are hiding in the staff room'

And I finally had to shout at some of them today because my blood was boiling and I hate being mean to people so it ruined my day. My PMS is getting worse and worse so I was worried my new anger issues would affect this job and it already has!

I think I'm going to leave before next summer because I really didn't want to work near or with children - I just didn't think I'd need to check that a university was going to have kids around?

* It's especially frustrating that I can't speak their languages - if the were French, Spanish or Japanese I could ask them politely to stop in their language and then they'd know I can understand what they're saying to each other and they couldn't pretend they don't know what I'm saying to them.

TL;DR I'm too petty and impatient to work with children and I know this so I specifically chose a job working with adults only to find they hire my working space out to summer schools

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stitchthesewounds · 1 year

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Stitch and I got a boba tea slush today.

We are having a bad day. Anxiety through the roof, hopelessness blanketing every inch of breathable space, I don't know what to do anymore. Two months of job searching, of selling my possessions, of doing odd jobs and taking commissions for my barely acceptable "art," doing everything I can to take care of my bills all while battling severe depression and anxiety, only to end up barely passing the test and working a mere three days before making a critical mistake and getting let go... I can't help but feel like it was fate. I feel like I was never meant to make it in this world, like I'm a loser and always will be, like there is something fundamentally wrong with me that can never be made up for or changed, and that I am helpless against invisible forces who have already decided the course of my life to be a cruel and pathetic one. I've never been good enough. I will never be good enough.

The weight of my responsibilities crushes me now. It's too late, I won't find another job in time, I don't know what else to sell or what else to do, I fear I won't make my rent or anything else. So what do I do? Spend money. Spend money on boba. Because I'm a pathetic mess that can't sort out her priorities and can't make the right decisions. Sometimes I feel so incapable, so inadequate, of handling any adult responsibilities. I feel like a child in an adults body. Like I'm not ready for the world. I want to run and hide from it. I tell myself it's an act of self care, to take my mind off the stress of what's happened, to make myself feel better in order to do what I need to do next, but I can't help but judge myself for it, and wonder if it's just an excuse to overconsume and feed my ED.

I know that I need to start over... again... start the lengthy, anxiety-inducing process of putting in 20+ applications a day again, of fearing the interviews and presenting myself as confident and capable when I am anything but again, of stressing about finding the right clothes to wear when I've outgrown everything, of feeling more hopeless and more stressed with every day that passes as unemployed...

I feel so incredibly overwhelmed by it all. So many steps, so many days, so many emotions I can't handle. I feel like i can't handle anything at all, and I'm shutting down. It's too much, I'll never get through it, I'll never make it anywhere, I can't. Pathetic excuses, I know. It's just so much and I don't know how to deal with it.

I don't see any hope. Not like I ever did in the first place. Fear for survival, for consequences, drove me. I honestly don't know how I even did as much as I did before this, I don't know how I put in so many applications and did those handful of interviews and made it through while being so depressed and hating myself so much, and I don't think I can do it again. I can't see any sort of future or any hope at all that things will get better. How can I keep going, how can I plan for my bills or for getting a job, when I don't even see as far as the end of the day? I don't see any way out, any way up, only down, and I don't want that.

Stitch gave me a big hug when I got the call and he hasn't let go of me all day. I don't want to disappoint him, i can't. I need to be better than this. I have to be. I need to be flawless or I won't get hired. I need to be flawless or I won't deserve to exist. And I am only riddled with flaws, and they just grow as my waistline does every single day. I am a truly disgusting being.

I don't know what to do. I sat on the couch in tears for awhile, paralyzed by the overwhelming amount of adult tasks that squeeze my throat l, and the only thing that got me up was the thought of boba. Like a true fatass, I dragged my mascara-streaked face and my best friend to the tea shop for some sugar, left so as to not be observed my judgemental eyes, and sit on the couch at my emotionally abusive fathers house, pondering the reason for my existence and whether I need to exist at all.

Why am I the way that I am? Why doesn't anything work the way that it should, the way everyone tells you it does when you're a child? Why does everything i feel come all at once or not at all? Why does it feel like I'm not actually living at all? Why does true happiness not exist in the real world? Will anything ever be enough?

I don't know what Stitch would say to me right now. I don't know if I want him to encourage or to berate me. I wish I could say something positive and uplifting, something that makes it sound like I'm winning the recovery game and am on my way to a better life, but it's just not here in the cards today. I'm crushed. I feel hopeless. Nothing makes it better. Stitch being in my arms is the only thing I want to feel

#stitch #lilo and stitch #mental instability #mental illness #mental heath issues #boba #boba tea #bubble tea #kinda depressing #tw depressing thoughts #hopelessness

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vocalwarrior24 · 8 months

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Since it's World Mental Health Day today, I decided to make a post of my own to talk about it just a little bit and share a few of my own experiences with mental health and the struggles that came with it.

I have High-Functioning Autism and AD/HD. I've had it basically all my life. I've had an odd mix of struggles and blessing come to me as a result of them basically all of my life, even now as an adult about to be 30 next year. I can still remember when all of the words were being said by my doctors, my parents, my peers, everybody. AD/HD. High-Functioning Autism. Aspergers. Learning Disorder. And now Disability.

It's funny... I've always seen these conditions as just a learning disorder and a mild condition that a certain percentage of the population deals with on a regular basis. It's only this year, after months and months of grueling and difficult job interviews and applications being done, that I've seen it classified as more of a disability than a learning disorder. I was just a little bit astounded at first when I saw it being classified as such. And yet, when I really thought about it, knowing all that I know about the last 29.5 years of living with these conditions, part of me... kind of agrees with that classification. Maybe just a little bit.

Whatever the case, I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you guys. Living with AD/HD and High-Functioning Autism my whole life has been a mix of wonderful, beautiful, amazing experiences and then difficult, horrible, terrifying experiences. I'm honestly still not sure if I love having them or if I hate them. There are some days when I can see the gifts and blessings of having these conditions, and then there are days where it just kicks my ass mentally and I just hate having it. And yet... I'm not sure I would change a single thing about having it. I'm not sure I'd take back a single day or week or month or year of having it. If hypothetically someone were to come up with a one-size-fits-all solution, like a pill or a nasal spray or a shot, to rid me of my Autism and AD/HD... I would not have an answer for you. In part because I just don't know myself. Yeah, maybe one day some brilliant scientist WILL come up with a solution and a way of ridding yourself of conditions like this, but maybe the bigger question here is whether you would WANT to be cured of them in the first place. Especially knowing all that I know now. And that I think is a way more difficult question for me to answer.

Whatever the case may be, I do think it's extremely important, especially in times like these, to stay mentally healthy and able to function healthily, especially in the crazy, insane times that we live in. It doesn't take someone being a genius to see that we live in unprecedented, volatile, crazy times. And one HAS to do the best they can to stay sane in all of it. Like surrounding yourself with wonderful best friends who are supportive of you and are there to catch you and help you when you're down. Same with your family. Surround yourself with the most amazing family members you can find and never let them go. Whatever you can do to stay as mentally healthy and sane as you can, absolutely you should do it. It is so important.

Today, I'm very happy to celebrate World Mental Health Day with you all, as well as to share with you a tiny bit about what it's like dealing with the kinds of conditions that I've dealt with and still deal with on a regular basis. I am not ashamed to admit and talk about my conditions with anybody, and I am very happy and blessed to be surrounded by the kind of amazing people in my life that I have today. Love you all!

#world mental health day #world mental health day 2023 #adhd #adhd awareness #adhd awareness 2023 #high functioning autism #autism #autism awareness #autism awareness 2023

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suhnnyskiess · 2 years

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Hi bestiesss, quick life update + rant ahead <3

so idk if anyone will read this its way more for myself to keep record and to rant away bc i am in dire need of assistance LMAo

So basically a few months back after I quitted my job I started to apply to other internships and stuff to get credits to get my degree. Nothing came back to me until last week when I got two calls from two different people telling me that I got an interview for one of the internships I had applied and I also got a call from one of the projects I applied with uni to get credits to graduate and-

Tomorrow I have an assessment of said internship and I don't know how to say to them that if I am chosen I am not taking them? Bc well, I fucked up and today on thw interview i said I could immediately start working with them, but now that I've actually think things through I don't feel ready??? Bc I have the time I gu3ss??? But at the same time I have that other project going on which exites me more and ugh

BUT I WANT THE MONEYYYY it's like a paid internship and I know I would learn a lot and idk I'm just confused on what to do. My plan as of now is to go unprepared to the assessment tomorrow and explain to them that I thought things today and that I can't commit completely so I hope there are other applicants so I won't feel too burdened if I don't accept LOL

So yeah? That's why I've been kinda MIA??? Not really bc I've queued stuff but like, I hate being an adult ugh 😭😭😭

#rox rants #anyways lets see how this goes hhh #bc like i really letting jesus take the wheel #the problem here is that i do volunteering job and i have other side project that takes much of my time and im.very study oriented #so im conflicted bc deeply i know i dont have the time to commit 100% on said internship #but its too good of an opportunity to pass by

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sonicenvy · 5 years

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applied for a job i am 100% unqualified for today for kicks

today’s mood:

#text #personal bs #applying for jobs sucks and is literally the most mind numbingly boring thing you could be doing at any given time #i hate re-entering my resume data into little fields after uploading my resume to an application portal #also i sent a message to a potential employed via linkedIn today and immediately had the thought:#is this what being a boring professional actual adult is like?

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bungeenomin · 3 years

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COMPETITION- KIM DOYOUNG

genre: e2l doyoung x reader

word count: 5.2k

summary: your entire life, your neighbour has been nothing but competition. from as soon as you had the ability to form an opinion on people, it was engrained in you to hate kim doyoung. but can you still hate him when you reunite as adults after getting hired under by same company? is he still competition?

warning: oral (m+f receiving), dirty talk, sex

a/n: feel free to send me requests, asks and leave feedback!

main masterlist

from when you were a kid, you were taught to hate the kim family. ironically, both your parents and mr and ms kim pretended to like each other. they acted like they didn’t completely despise one another, but they knew they did, everyone did. the feud was so petty, you’ll admit. your families constantly competing with who was the richest, who had the nicest car, who had the better education, who’s children were more talented. no matter how petty you knew the feud was, it was ingrained in you to hate kim doyoung with all your being, and that’s exactly what you did.

when your parents and the kim’s pretended to get on, you and doyoung never dared speak to each other. in both of your eyes, you were just competition, feeding into your parents on going feud. as you sat glaring at each other at dinner meals, your parents would brag back and forth about how amazing their dear children are, constantly trying to one up each other and get the last word.

you didn’t hate anyone, you thought hating was harsh. but kim doyoung was different. you had deep, deep hatred for him. your only conversations were cold, offensive, hateful. he was an obstacle in the way of your success from the day you were born until the day you moved away for college. he was nothing but competition.

December 5th 2020

“good look today my love” your mother beams through the phone, full of pride. it’s your first day at your new job, an extremely well paid job, a job to make your parents proud of you.

“thank you mom but i have to go now, being late on the first day wouldn’t leave a very good impression” you sigh, grabbing your handbag from the passenger seat and exiting your car, locking it behind you. “i’ll fill you in later mom, okay?”

“yes, yes of course!” your mother enthusiastically responds. “your father and i are so proud of you, talk to you later”

you sigh, locking your phone. you love your parents, you really do, but sometimes they can be intense. too intense. in their minds, everything has to be perfect first try. according to them, successful people leave no room for errors. they leave no one pass their level of success. they get distracted by no one, keep their eye on the prize.

the building is exactly the same as you remember it from your interview, extremely large, but not too difficult to find your way around, signs and directions places frequently throughout the building. “hello, my name is y/n, i start working here today” you confidently tell the receptionist.

“ah yes” she responds, “one of mr lee’s new recruits”. one of? clearly multiple people were taken on at once, not that it’ll be a problem to you. “follow me, i’ll lead you to where the rest are waiting” she smiles softly, walking you down a corridor and into a waiting room. “mr lee will be with you shortly!”

there are four or five people in the room, you assume all starting work today, but your eyes lock on one person. kim doyoung. after what, five, six years? he looks the exact same, slightly better skin with more prominent facial features. he wears a slick black suit. classic. he can’t help the cold chuckle that leaves his lips the second his eyes land on you, eyeing you up and down in the process, judgementally. the last thing you expected was to see him here. after all the years you spent competing with him, you never thought that you would be back at it again after college.

“long time no see” he mutters.

you roll your eyes, “yeah, pity, i finally erased your ugly face and shitty attitude from my memory and now i’ll have to start all over again”

doyoung chuckles leaning closer to you, “ouch, i’m hurt. well now you have plenty of time to watch me beat you, like i always have done”

“you fucking wi-”

“hello everyone, nice to meet you all as employees and not applicants this time. as i’m sure you’re aware, i am the ceo of this company. i take great pride in my company and only hire the best of the best, people who i know will aid my companies success”

“shame he hired you then” doyoung whispers.

“now, i am a busy man, but that does not mean i won’t see if people are slacking. If you are slacking, you get one warning. If you continue to not put in one hundred percent, you’re fired. it’s as simple as that. i will constantly be able to view your work, so i expect everyone’s full effort. i believe i pay you very well for your job, so expect it to be done well. anyway, with that being said, welcome to the company! i hope we can all do great work together”

as soon as mr lee finishes his introductory speech, you are brought to your offices. it is one big room but fortunately, there are walls between each desk, allowing for privacy to work. you notice there is someone in between you and doyoung, which you are eternally grateful for, you really don’t know how you would be able to work to the best of your ability knowing he’s beside you.

it doesn’t take you long to get stuck into your work load. quickly setting up your desk to your liking and turning on your computer. honestly, the morning goes really fast. with the work load you have, you’re constantly busy. what distracts you slightly is when you see a familiar face walk to mr lee’s desk, handing him a stack of papers he was working on, ready for mr lee to read. “thank you doyoung, i appreciate your hard work already”. with that doyoung turns to go back to his desk, not before looking your way and sending you a sarcastic smile. fucking idiot.

by the time lunch rolls around, you’re just excited to try the food that is served in the cafeteria, everything looking and smelling delicious, leaving your mouth watering. once you get your food, you sigh in defeat as you look around for a table to sit at, only to be left disappointed when you see they’re all full. your eyes slowly pan the cafeteria, looking for anywhere you can possibly sit, until your eyes land on a free seat, beside the one and only, kim doyoung, who’s sat quietly on his phone as he eats his lunch. him working here is going to be more hard than you thought.

“can i sit here?” you question.

“gosh y/n, looks like you’re a little obsessed with me huh?” doyoung replies, a smug look on his face.

“you fucking wish. i wouldn’t come near you unless it was absolutely necessary, which unfortunately, it is. there’s no other seats”

“whatever” doyoung rolls his eyes, looking back down at his phone as you take your seat. arrogant prick.

“so” doyoung speaks up amid the awkward silence, “how has little y/n been?”. to anyone else, they would think he was being nice, but you know he’s just nosy. prying into your business as usual.

“i’ve been great. i graduated top of my year in university, got to travel a lot. all good things” you reply, a smug expression on your face.

“you know y/n you should really get the stick out of your ass, it’s very unprofessional” doyoung replies, him now wearing a smug expression as yours drops.

“oh fuck you doyoung”

“i’m sure you’d love to sweetheart”

the rest of the day went relatively fast, without any more encounters with doyoung, thankfully. before you know it, you’re back in the comfort of your own apartment, relaxing with a glass of wine. you’ve already informed your parents about your first day, causing them to almost burst with pride. what throws them off slightly is the mention of doyoung. ‘don’t mind him’ you mother advised. ‘don’t let him get in your way’ your father informed. not that you intended to take notice of him, certainly not intending on letting him get in your way.

December 14th 2020

working with doyoung is proving to be a lot harder than it seems. he’s very, in your face. always chiming in with his opinion and what he thinks is right. his presence alone gets on your nerves, let alone when he opens his mouth. to everyone else, he seems like a great, hardworking guy, but to you, he’s just in your way. a headache. an inconvenience.

“doyoung these files are for you” you sigh standing at doyoung’s desk with your hand extended.

doyoung looks up from his desk, taking the files from your hand and flicking through them. “no they aren’t” he nonchalantly responds, handing them back to you.

“doyoung why the fuck would i lie about something so stupid?” you scoff, rolling your eyes at his stupidity. “these are for you”

doyoung sits back in his chair, folding his arms. “how do i know you’re not just loading your work onto me, hmm?”

“fucking hell doyoung why are you the most difficult person in the world? jesus. they’re yours. take them, if you don’t do them, it’s you falling behind, not me” you groan, once again extending your arm out with the files that doyoung insists don’t belong to him. as doyoung takes the files from you, your hands brush off each other swiftly, but it’s enough to make your cheeks turn pink to your dismay.

doyoung chuckles slightly at your reaction to such a small touch. “are you okay?” doyoung questions, playing innocent.

“of course i am” you respond sharply.

“whatever you say darling” doyoung chuckles turning his attention back to his computer, leaving you standing there with your mouth hanging at his words. “it’s rude to stare y/n, am i that attractive to you?” doyoung asks, completely focused on his computer screen.

“fuck off” you mumble before storming back to your office. that’s the thing about doyoung. he’s cocky. too cocky. always thinking he’s better than everyone, above everyone. thinks he’s beautiful. he makes you sick.

doyoung doesn’t mean to stare. he honestly doesn’t. he catches himself doing it quite often though. the coffee machine is placed in perfect eye line of your desk. it just so happens that doyoung spends a lot of time at the coffee machine. he convinces himself that he looks in anger. you stress him out after all. you’re his enemy. his competition. he never gets caught staring at you, well, until now. “it’s rude to stare kim!” you shout at him from your seat when your eyes meet his, only earning an eye roll from doyoung. you giggle lightly at his reaction. you’ve always loved getting under his skin.

December 19th 2020

you honestly thought your day was going great. there was very little traffic, no line at the coffee machine, you were way ahead on your work. That was until your boss entered your office, asking specifically that you and doyoung stay back a few hours to get through some work with him. of course, this is your worst nightmare, but who are you to turn down your boss?

“just wait inside my office” mr lee announces to the two of you, “i’ll be back in a few minutes i just have a quick phone call to take”.

the silence between both you and doyoung is severe as you sit in the two seats across from mr lee’s. you try think of something to say, literally anything, to break the awkward silence, but you can’t think of anything. reflecting now, you and doyoung have ever had a casual civil conversation.

“doyoung can we just- can we just cut the shit for this?” doyoung raises an eyebrow in curiosity. “we’re doing this with our boss, and the snappy comments and awkwardness is just gonna look bad, so can we just pretend we don’t hate each other for this”

“fine” doyoung snaps, crossing his arms over his chest and facing straight ahead, you doing the same. once again, the silence is deafening. it’s been a significant length of time since your boss left now, probably getting caught up on the call. “remember that year our families went to the lake together?”

you look across at doyoung, thrown back by his sudden conversation starter. “of course i do, it was a fucking disaster” you chuckle lightly, thinking back on the events.

“the literal worst” doyoung responds. “it felt more like family bootcamp than a break”. it really did. both of your dads spent the whole trip trying to one up each other, making sure their family was presenting themselves as best as they could the entire time. It was intense.

“no, the worst was when our dads kept trying to one up each other on the jet ski’s” you giggle, “they literally just embarrassed each other”. at the time, you hated the trip. you felt tense the whole time, on edge. looking back now, you can’t help but to laugh at the mayhem.

“they really did” doyoung cringes, remembering how hard his dad tried to show off his ‘jet ski skills’ when in reality, he was a complete amateur, just like your dad.

“we beat you in the family tennis tournament though” you tease, remembering how happy you were with the victory.

“oh whatever, as if i was gonna go hard on a girl. i’m way better than you” doyoung scoffs.

“oh my god, remember when our dads decided to make a barbecue together!” you laugh loudly, your eyes welling with tears.

“stop that was so bad” doyoung chuckles, “we just ended up with way too much food and they burned half of it”

once you both calm down from your fit of laughter. there’s a weird atmosphere. everything feels lighter. you and doyoung sit there for a minute, just staring at each other with silly smiles on your face. “i still fucking hate you”

“thank fuck for that” doyoung replies, rolling his eyes once again, playfully this time.

“i’m so sorry!” mr lee announces as he barges into the office. “i’ve kept you here for over an hour without doing anything. look, just go home for tonight i’m so sorry” the older man sighs.

you and doyoung ensure him it’s okay, before getting up and leaving, going your separate ways into the old december night.

December 24th 2020

the usual christmas eve agenda didn’t even cross your mind when you started your new job. of course, your christmas eve will be spent in doyoung’s families house. this was typical of your families at christmas, the host house alternating every year.

“merry christmas!” ms kim greets at the door, allowing you enter into her home. “go to doyoung sweetie, he’ll get you a drink” she suggests, extending her arm to the living room, where sure enough, doyoung was.

doyoung’s eyes devour your figure as you stand in front of him. your dress hugging your figure beautifully, showing you off in all the right places. “your mom told you to get me a drink” you say, an eyebrow raised.

“wine?”

“red”

soon after you giving your order and taking a seat on the now empty couch, doyoung returns, two glasses of red wine in his hand, taking a seat beside you. “don’t you want to go into the dining room with everyone else?”

“do you really want to listen to them more than you have to?” doyoung questions, earning a giggle from you as you sip on the expensive wine.

“absolutely not” you reply, getting comfortable on the couch, facing doyoung slightly. “are you going to the new years party in work?”

“mhmm. it’ll be nice. it also would leave a bad impression on the boss if i didn’t show” doyoung replies sipping on his wine. things are weird between you two since the day in mr lee’s office. it’s like something switched inside the two of you. maybe it’s because you’re speaking as adults now, not children. maybe it’s because you’re both independent of your parents. for whatever reason, you can’t find the same hatred you had for doyoung previously. “are you going?”

“mhmm”

“will you look as beautiful as you do now?” doyoung questions, tilting his head slightly sideways.

“w-what?”

doyoung leans in, so close to your lips, eyes stuck on them. you close your eyes, thinking doyoung was about to close the gap between, but instead he whispers in your ear, “maybe you’ll get a midnight kiss”

“doyoung, y/n dinner come on!”

doyoung stands up, a smug smirk on his lips as he extends a hand to help you up.

“You’re insatiable Kim Doyoung”

December 31st 2020

the work new years eve party is going much better than you thought it would. everyone mingling, getting to know each other more than just ‘the person in the office beside me’. everyone is currently sat on the rooftop of the building, a cozy little set up. the addition of alcohol in the coworkers interactions allows them to feel a lot more casual and at easy with each other.

“everyone it’s just time! come on” someone shouts from beside the large projector mr lee had brought up for the countdown. everyone rises from their seats, glasses of champagne in their hands as they walk towards the projector.

“ten”

“nine”

“eight”

“seven”

“six”

“five”

you feel an arm sling around you wait. looking up your eyes meet doyoung’s.

“four”

“three”

your heart is pounding in your chest as you get closer and closer to finishing the countdown, doyoung’s eyes remain glued on yours, like no one else is present.

“two”

you place a hand gentle on his upper chest.

“one”

“happy new year” doyoung whispers.

“happy new year”. before you can even process the celebratory screams and shouts around you, you feel a soft pair of lips against your own.

the kiss is so soft, delicate, lips gently placed together. you pull back slightly, looking up at doyoung, who rubs soft circles on your waist. you pull doyoung closer to you, wrapping your arms around his neck to bring him closer to you, the body on body contact driving you wild. The kiss this time is harsher, needier, more desperate, your lips moving passionately against each other with such ease.

reality hits doyoung, remembering you are surrounded by colleges. he pulls back and whispers in your ear, “let’s get out of here baby, hmm?”

your back is against doyoung’s door the second you both make it into his apartment, doyoung’s lips attacking your neck, peppering it in kisses, sucking large marks all over. “mmh doyoung” you moan, tilting your head to the side, allowing the man have more access.

“jump” doyoung mumbles against your neck, tapping your thighs lightly as an indication, to which you comply. you jump, wrapping your legs around doyoung’s waist, him holding your legs up with his arms, his hands resting on your ass squeezing it as he begins bringing you to his room. “gonna fuck you so good” doyoung announces, nipping on your neck.

doyoung lays you on your back, him on top of you, not once detaching his lips from your neck. your hands find their way to the hem of his shirt, tugging at it, signalling for doyoung to remove the garment. doyoung complies, pulling back to unbutton his shirt, throwing it to the other side of the room. “your dress is so pretty baby, but i think it’ll look prettier on the floor” and with that, doyoung removes your beautiful red dress, allowing it to move to the floor, leaving you in your red lace lingerie. “fuck baby, you look so good for me” doyoung praises, already working on unclasping your bra.

the second your breasts are free from the confines of your bra, doyoung’s lips are on your right nipple, sucking on it harshly, flicking his tongue across the sensitive nub, leaving you a moaning mess. doyoung doesn’t neglect your other boob, messaging it with his large hand, pinching and twirling your nipple between two fingers. “fuck doyoung” you moan, grappling onto his hair, a small groan escaping doyoung’s lips in response, the vibrations against your nipple driving you wild.

doyoung trails kisses all the way down your stomach, making sure to leave his mark on the way. “you want me so bad huh? you’re a moaning mess for me already baby” doyoung smirks against your skin.

“doyoung, i’m supposed to fucking hate you” you moan out as doyoung starts kissing along the lining of your soaking wet panties.

“baby, we both know we’re passed that point now” doyoung chuckles as he pulls down your destroyed panties, proud of the mess he caused as he see’s your glistening folds, your juices starting to drip down your thigh.

doyoung places open mouthed kisses on your thighs, taking in all of you. worshiping every inch of your body, the whimpers escaping your throat being music to his ears. “mmh fuck doyoung” you moan as doyoung licks a stripe up your dripping folds, collecting your juices on his tongue.

“taste so good baby” doyoung groans, dragging two fingers up your folds and bringing them to your mouth letting you taste yourself, airy whines leaving your lips as you suck on his slender fingers. “gonna make you feel so good”

with no warning, doyoung shoved two fingers into your tight hole, a scream escaping your lips as he does so. “f-fuck doyoung faster” you moan, grabbing the bed sheets tightly. doyoung listens, picking up his pace, fucking your dripping core with his fingers faster than you can even process.

the room is filled with your load moans, your legs shaking as doyoung’s pace gets faster and faster. doyoung smirks at you before bending down and attaching his lips to your clit, gaining a scream from you as your eyes roll to the back of your head. “doyoung i’m gonna cum fuck” you moan, grabbing onto his hair tightly.

doyoung moans against your clit, sending you over the edge. doyoung’s fingers and mouth don’t stop as you reach your high, continuining to move the whole way through and continuing after, sending your body into shock. “fuck doyoung i came already stop” you moan, causing doyoung to finally let you calm down, stopping his actions and looking at you with a proud look on his face.

doyoung meets your lips again, placing a chaste kiss on them before whispering in your ear, “you haven’t even taken my dick yet angel”. you look at him with doe eyes, as you feel his hard dick through his pants rub against your stomach.

“are you gonna take me like a good girl, hm?” doyoung questions, tucking your hair behind your ear. you respond with a nod but that’s not enough for doyoung. “words angel. use them”

“yes doyoung”

“good girl” he smiles, placing another quick peck on your lips before leaning back to remove his now very tight suit pants and boxers, allowing his hard dick to slap against his stomach, earning a small whimper from you.

“sit up for me baby” doyoung smiles, extending a hand for you to take, helping you sit up. “knees angel”

you comply to doyoung’s request, getting on your knees for him, now eye level with his hard length. doyoung pumps himself twice before tapping his length against your lips, giving you the hint to open for him, which you do.

you wrap your mouth around his leaking tip, collecting his precum on your tongue, earning a groan from doyoung. you move your lips to the base of his length, dragging your tongue all the way back to the top from the bottom, following the vein the goes the whole way up. “stop teasing fuck” doyoung grunts, grabbing a fist full of your hair. “suck”

you once again wrap your mouth around his tip, but before you could move by yourself, doyoung shoves your head down his entire length, hitting the back of your throat and causing you to gag. “pretty” doyoung smirks, enjoying the tears welling up in your eyes as you look up at him as he fucks your throat. moans and groans spill out of doyoung’s lips as your tongue works wonders on his hard length. a moan escapes your lips, causing his eyes to roll back in his head. “enough”doyoung groans, pulling your head off of him, “i’m not cumming until i fuck you baby”

doyoung effortlessly lifts you up, laying you down in the middle of his king sized bed. “do i need a con-”

“no!” you reply sharply. “no i’m on birth control. you don’t need one” you blush at your quick response.

“fuck you’re perfect” doyoung groans, attaching your lips together for the umpteenth time tonight. you’ve had your fair share of kisses, but none of them feel like doyoung’s. his lips feel like they’re made for you. your mouths move in perfect synchronisation, making you feel so whole, so excited.

you moan against doyoung’s lips as you feel his dick against your wet folds. “doyoung please i need you” you whine against his lips, earning a smirk from doyoung.

“so desperate for me angel” he teases. “how badly do you need me?” he questions, teasing you more by just sticking the head of his length in you.

“mmh fuck so bad doyoung i need you so bad, please” you plead, eyes wide showing your desperation.

“good girl” doyoung kisses you softy before moving his hips slowly, moving inside you inch by inch until he bottoms out, both of you whimpering at the feeling. “ready?”

“yes please move” you whimper underneath him.

doyoung wastes no time in grinding his hips in and out of you, fucking you at a fast pace. “you look so pretty angel” doyoung praises, “i love how fucked out you look for me”

“f-fuck doyoung” you moan as he picks his pace up again, you grabbing onto his forearms. “fucking me so good mmh”

doyoung throws back his head in pleasure, your words making him harder and harder, snapping his hips more harshly into you. “you’re so tight for me angel. such a good girl. you make me feel so good angel. all those pretty moans”

doyoung’s praises earn a loud moan from you, digging your nails into his back. you feel doyoung twitch inside you, he’s close. “my good girl. you’re mine angel aren’t you?”

“mmh yes doyoung fuck, just yours, no one else”

doyoung brings his hand to your clit, thumbing the bundle of nerves rapidly as a string of moans escape your lips. “cum with me baby yeah?”

“mmh yes fuck” you moan loudly as you both reach your highs. loud moans from both of you bounce off the walls at your euphoric feeling. “fuck” you whisper as doyoung pulls out of you carefully, his cum dripping out of your hole.

doyoung throws himself down beside you, pulling you into his arms, peppering your face in gentle kisses. “my good girl. you did so good for me baby, so so good” he praises, moving your hair out of your face. “i’m gonna get you cleaned up my love, okay? i’ll be back in a second” he says, placing a delicate kiss on your forehead and walking to the bathroom.

doyoung returns a minute later with a wet wash cloth, sitting in between your legs. “i’ll try be gentle angel” doyoung warns, earning an appreciative smile from you.

“Ah sore, sore, sore” you complain as doyoung meddles at your sensitive area.

doyoung pouts seeing your pain. “sorry baby, i’m done now”. doyoung throws the wash cloth in his laundry basket before climbing back into bed with you, something he hopes he can get used to doing. he pulls you close against his chest and plays with your hair, as if he’d lose you if he didn’t hold you tight.

“doyoung?” you question, looking up at him with soft eyes.

“yes baby?”

“why did we spend so long hating each other” you frown.

“well when we were kids, it was inevitable. but when i became a teenager, it was easier to still hate you than to admit my feelings for you” doyoung shrugs.

“huh?” you reply confused. he liked you then?

“i liked you a lot when we were teenagers silly” doyoung chuckles. “you’re beautiful, you always have been, you can’t blame me!”

“so you were mean to me because you liked me” you scoffed playfully.

“exactly” he chuckles, placing a soft kiss to your cheek.

“you know y/n” doyoung speaks, “when i liked you back then, i knew we wouldn’t get together while still living at home. i knew we were both too stubborn, and our parents would be too difficult. but i told myself that i’d wait for you. that in the future, we’d meet again and you’d be mine. now, i have you, and it was so worth the wait.

you can’t believe what you’re hearing. the kim doyoung who caused you all that struggle and strife, has been waiting to call you his. wants to love you. wants to be there for you. “bold of you to assume i want to be yours” you tease, sticking your tongue out at him.

“well do you want to leave me?” he responds with an amused raised eyebrow.

“never” you whisper, connecting your lips once again, your new favourite hobby.

January 1st 2021

you had the best sleep of your life last night, in the arms of the one you love. you had the best morning of your life, waking up to cuddles, kisses, breakfast, coffee. it was nice having breakfast with him, the small talk and jokes, it just felt so domestic. so normal. so right.

“babe, they’re going to be staring at my neck” you pout, as doyoung takes the keys out of the ignition as you pull up outside your workplace.

“good” doyoung smirks, “they need to know you’re mine”. with a quick kiss on the lips, you’re both out of the car, walking towards the company building.

walking in to your work hand and hand with doyoung, your neck littered in hickeys from him feels so right. you’re proud to be his. proud to let everyone know. you get some looks from coworkers as you walk through the building, but you couldn’t care less. he’s yours.

“i’ll see you at lunch angel” doyoung smiles, leaning up against your office wall.

“that’s if you can resist me for the long” you giggle.

doyoung rolls his eyes playfully, “brat”

never in a million years would you have believed you would end up loving kim doyoung. up until two months ago, he was nothing but competition to you. an obstacle to you. now, you want to be with him all the time. you love seeing his head sticking around the corner of your office when he’s at the coffee machine. you love hearing him talk. you love seeing him thrive at his job, no longer seeing him as competition. after all these years, you and doyoung are on the same team. your own team, not your parents. telling your parents about your relationship will probably be, a lot, but you’ll go through whatever it takes for kim doyoung. now you have him, you’re never letting go.

———————————————————————

@bubudays @uhyikesbro @whoe-dis @nctxtrash @junglewoos @ajhdr @obligatoryidolblog

453 notes · View notes

scripts4dreamers · 4 years

Text

And Stuff

AN: When you decided on a life of academia, you’d never expected to meet someone like Spencer Reid

Characters: Spencer Reid Pairings: Spencer Reid x reader Spoilers: None Warnings: Mentions of crime and violence, alcohol

------------------

You hated this stupid paper, you really really did. You stared blankly at your screen, reading and rereading the same two paragraphs in the vain hope that something would stick, but it was all gibberish.

“Hey, there’s my favorite PhD student,” a familiar voice called, collapsing into the seat beside you, “coffee?”

“Please,” you sighed gratefully, wrapping your hands around the disposable cup and taking a deep sip. It was perfect, just warm enough to shock some life back into you, “I owe you one, Prof. Reid.”

Spencer wrinkled his nose distastefully, and you laughed.

“I told you I hate that,” he said.

“And we both know that’s a lie,” you teased back, “you love being called Professor.”

“By my students,” he admitted, “not by you. How’s the thesis outline coming along?”

You sighed, “it’s not.”

“Can I take a look?” Spencer asked, reaching out towards you.

“Noooooo way,” you said, closing your laptop quickly, “not until it’s done.”

“But, Y/N-“

“No, Spence! It’s terrible.”

Spencer stuck his tongue out at you but didn’t press the issue as he pulled a stack of unmarked essays out of his satchel. You and Spencer had met a few years ago, when you’d both started a BA in philosophy. It was your third undergraduate degree, but like Spencer’s hundredth, and you’d bonded over your love of academia almost instantly. By now, meeting in one of the common areas to study and work together was almost a ritual, twice a week at least, every week of the semester. You loved it, you relied on it really. Without Spencer you were sure you’d have lost your mind years ago.

Spencer couldn’t always stay long, after all he was still a hot shot FBI agent, but even just the little bit of time you did have together was like a breath of fresh air. You both looked forward to the chance to talk about something other than your jobs for once.

“I’m sure it’s not, Y/N/N,” Spencer assured.

“Mhhm,” you said unconvincingly, “what about you? Did you get your epistemology paper in on time?”

“Oh yeah. I’m not sure anything I wrote technically qualifies as an argument, but it’s done.” Spencer replied, his eyes tracing the papers in front of him at lightning speed and marking as he went

You could see the signs of exhaustion on his face and your stomach pinched with concern. Spencer was a genius, you knew that better than anyone, but even he wasn’t immune to the stresses of university life. He was always burning the candle at both ends, taking on more than any reasonable person could ever hope to accomplish, and that was before he started teaching an intro to criminology class. It worried you.

“Spence?”

He looked up, his eyes still glassy and faraway, the hint of a smile on his lips, “Mmhmm?”

You frowned, “Are you okay? You look exhausted.”

Spencer nodded, “Did you know that some studies have shown that an adult man can actually survive on as little as two hours of sleep a night without showing outwards signs of exhaustion?” He rambled, gesturing at nothing with his hands, “Sleep deprivation will, of course, affect your mental capabilities over time, but the amount of time that process actually takes is fairly individual. In my case-“ he looked over, noticed you raising your eyebrows at him, and laughed, obviously realising just how tired he was. “Yeah I’m a little tired,” he admitted, “it’s just been a long week that’s all. I was up for a few days for a case,,” he nudged your shoulder with his, “you know if you took me up on my offer I’d probably have more time to sleep.”

“Me? Join the FBI?” You scoffed, shaking your head, “No way. I’ve never even held a gun.”

“Neither had I before I joined.”

“Yeah but you’re-“ you gestured in his general direction, “you know.”

“I’m what?”

“You know,” you huffed, feeling your cheeks flush with embarrassment, “strong. And brave. And stuff.”

Spencer laughed but he looked pleased with himself nonetheless, “you think I’m strong and brave?”

“And stuff,” you clarified, “I’m an academic. I’m perfectly happy in a dark room with my dusty books and manuscripts, thank you very much.”

Spencer nodded, stealing a sip of your coffee and grimacing at the taste, “is there any sugar in this at all?”

“You tell me,” You answered, “you bought it.”

“Well there’s obviously not enough, you can still taste the actual coffee,” he said, just as his phone started to beep frantically.

Spencer took it out of his pocket and frowned at the screen. Your heart sunk a little but, when Spencer looked up at you apologetically, you shot him a small smile.

“Duty calls,” you said simply.

Spencer nodded, packing his stack of papers back into his satchel, “I’m sorry, Y/N/N. I’ll see you back here on Friday?”

“Sure,” you agreed, “if you’re back by then.”

“And you’ll send me your thesis outline when you’re finished with it?”

“Of course.”

Spencer wrapped one arm around your shoulder, giving you a quick hug, “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Enjoy your day.”

“Good luck, Professor,” you smiled, waving him off, “and thanks for the coffee!”

He waved back at you, half jogging and already on the phone as he vanished into the incoming crowds. You watched him go, sighing sadly as you turned back to your unfinished outline.

“Okay, Y/N, you can do this. Spencer’s written like three of these, let’s go.” You muttered, “The psychological implications of linguistic progression, think.”

You threw yourself back into your research, losing yourself in the methodical nature of your work. The coffee next to you got cold.

————————

Spencer was flushed by the time he made it into the office, his cheeks hurting with the effort of suppressing his smile. Time with you always did that to him, no matter how drained he was when he first arrived.

You were like a ray of sunshine on an otherwise very gloomy day, and ten minutes with you was better for his mental health than a whole weekend’s worth of sleep. You were sweet, and funny, and you let him ramble about whatever he wanted to and even pretended to listen. Meeting you for coffee every week had become more than an act of friendship, it was an act of self care, a thin thread holding what was left of his sanity together.

His phone chimed and he smiled down at the message, a picture of you sipping your coffee and giving the cameras a big thumbs up:

Go kick some bad guy ass, Wise Guy!

He started typing up a reply but, before he could, someone interrupted.

“Good date, Pretty Boy?” Morgan greeted.

“It’s not a date, Morgan, you know that,” Spencer replied, fondly, “it’s just coffee with a friend.”

“Oh yeah it’s totally not a date, just a biweekly coffee hangout with someone you’ve been in love with since forever.”

“Yeah, exactly,” he smiled.

“But it did go well, then?” He retorted with a knowing smile.

Spencer smiled and nodded, “She thinks I’m strong and brave and stuff.”

“And stuff?”

“And stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?” Prentiss interjected.

Spencer froze, “I don’t know, I hadn’t thought about that.”

“Does she know you’re not dating?” Prentiss asked.

“What? Yes of course! Or-maybe? I don’t know we haven’t exactly talked about it.” Spencer replied.

“No, she doesn’t know,” Morgan clarified.

Spencer opened his mouth to argue but, before he could, Garcia cut in.

“Okay my little geniuses, it’s a weird one today. Let’s get briefed,” Garcia called.

“When do we get to meet her?” Prentiss whispered as they took their seats.

“Never,” Spencer replied.

Emily pouted, “you’re no fun.”

Spencer smiled but, as the briefing went on and the picture of their newest case got clearer and clearer, so did something else; they couldn’t do this alone. They needed help, very very specific help. His heart sunk. As they headed to the jet, Spencer pulled out his phone, wishing to God he didn’t have to.

“Hey, Y/N, remember how you said you owed me one?”

—————————-

This had to be some sort of nightmare, you thought to yourself as you stepped off the jet. When Spencer had first called you, you’d laughed, told him to stop joking around and tell you what he actually wanted but, as it turned out, he was serious. They had a case, he’d said, one that required a certain set of expertise, one that only you had. And you couldn’t really say no could you? Not to Spencer.

And now you’d solved it. It was over. Your hands were shaking and you’d never been this tired in your life, but it was over. You felt a hand on your shoulder and jumped.

“Hey, it’s alright, kid,” Derek Morgan assured you, “you’re okay.”

You nodded, even though it wasn’t a question and gave him a small smile.

“I know.”

Derek nodded, his dark eyes boring into you in that way only members of the BAU could, like they were looking into you and not at you, so you tried to look brave.

“You did good work on this case,” Derek said, walking back to the building with you, “without you I’m not sure we would’ve caught the guy.”

You shook your head, “Spen-Reid would have figured it out eventually.”

Derek pressed his lips together, “Probably, but even he said it would’ve taken him days to reconstruct the language from scratch, even without adding the psychology behind it. In that time who knows how many people our UnSub would have been able to get.”

You looked over your shoulder to where Spencer was standing at the base of the jet’s stairs, looking everywhere but at you. He’d been acting distant for a while now, ever since Hotch had decided to strap you into a bulletproof vest and send you in to talk a maniac off a ledge. The UnSub had been having some sort of psychotic break, he’d forgotten how to speak English and communicated exclusively in a language he’d created himself, a combination of several that pointed to details about his personal life. It was fascinating, in the worst way possible, a real life application of the theory you’d been working on for years. It would make your thesis a piece of cake to finish.

The thought made you feel nauseous.

“Is he-“ you asked Derek, pressing your lips together nervously, “is he angry at me or something?”

He frowned, “Reid? No. He’s crazy about you, he looks forward to those coffee dates with you every week for days.”

You flushed, “They're not dates, Derek.”

“Oh yeah, sorry,” he replied, sarcastically, “slip of the tongue.” He ruffled your hair fondly, “Go on, talk to him, I’ll call you a cab when you’re done.”

You nodded and hung back, letting Derek’s hulking form vanish into the FBI building as you made your way slowly back toward the jet. Spencer was staring up at the moon, looking pensive and beautiful and painfully sad.

“Hey, there’s my favorite profiler,” you greeted gently, “you alright?”

“Hey,” he replied, still looking up at the moon, “why didn’t you go inside with everyone else?”

“I was waiting for you,” you explained, “I wanted to see if you’re okay.”

“If I’m okay?” He laughed incredulously, meeting your eye, “Y/N, I’m out here because I’m trying to figure out what I could possibly say to make up for what I just put you through.” He explained, “This...this stuff-it’s my world, not yours. I should never have brought you into it.”

“Spencer you needed me, your team needed an expert and, no offense, but your social circle isn’t big enough to have two experts in linguistic psychology.” You teased gently.

Spencer chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest.

You stepped forward, resting a hand gently on his bicep, “You made the right decision, Spence. I’m glad you called, I’m-“ you paused, “I’m glad you let me help you.”

Spencer snorted, “And it nearly got you killed.”

“It didn’t nearly get me killed-“

“Yes. It did,” he insisted, “the UnSub was psychotic, there was no guarantee he wouldn’t have killed you on sight. Hotch should never have let you-I should never have let you go in there.”

“But I wanted to and I’m fine. The case is over, Spence, we’re in the clear.” You assured him, “Things can go back to normal now.”

“No, they can’t!” Spencer practically shouted, turning to face you, his eyes red and puffy. You instinctively stepped back and Spencer pressed his lips together, looking guilty, “Y/N, I-knowing you were in danger and that there was nothing I could do about it...it killed me. You were never meant to know about any of this, you were meant to be safe! I was meant to keep you safe!” He explained, running a hand through his hair, “You were the one thing in my life that this stuff couldn’t touch and now-“ he breathed, “now everytime you look at me you’re gonna think about this, and him, and everything I put you through and-“ he met your eye, “and things will be weird and you’ll stop wanting to talk to me. Things won’t be the same, Y/N.”

You flushed and stepped forward, “You're worried that I’m not gonna talk to you anymore?” You asked. Spencer didn’t answer, but the way he avoided your eye and worked his jaw seemed like answer enough, “Spence,” you smiled, “you’re like...my favorite person in the world. This stuff,” you gestured around, “what you do, it doesn’t change that. In fact I think it’s kind of incredible. You guys tracked down a serial killer based on nothing but some muddled letters, who does that?” You laughed.

Spencer didn’t respond, but the edges of his lips twitched, like he wanted to smile. You watched him for a moment, the way he held his head, the way his eyes darted up to yours. He was just as beautiful as he’d always been, but there was something more now. He was vulnerable, you realized, really vulnerable for the first time since you’d known him. No matter what he said, Spencer was reaching out to you.

“Your world is messed up, Spencer,” you continued, stepping forward and taking his hand, “but you aren’t. We aren’t, and I’m glad I got to be there when you needed me. We’re good, okay?”

“Do you promise?” He asked, his voice small.

You squeezed his hand, “I promise.”

Spencer nodded, squeezing back, and let you slowly pull him back towards the FBI building.

“Besides,” you continued, “you still owe me a look at my thesis.”

Spencer snorted, “That’ll literally take me 3 seconds.”

“Show off.”

“What? It’s true.” He laughed.

You suddenly realized that Spencer was still holding your hand and, when he saw you looking and tried to pull away, you held on tighter. Spencer smiled nervously, and you felt a rush of something warm and promising flow through you.

“Hey, Y/N?” He started nervously.

“Yes, Spencer?”

“Are we dating?” He asked.

“After today? We’d better be. I’m expecting at least a dinner after almost getting shot for you.” You teased, bumping his shoulder with yours.

“That’s so not funny,” Spencer replied, but he was smiling when he said it.

“It’s a little bit funny.”

“Fine,” Spencer agreed, stopping in his tracks and pulling you towards him, “it’s a little bit funny.”

And that’s when he pulled you in, cupping your face with his hands and pressing his lips to yours. Just like that, the weariness of the day melted away, disappearing into a kiss that tasted like burnt coffee and sugar and the best champagne you’d ever had. Spencer was strong and sure. He kissed you like it was the only chance he’d ever get, like he wanted to burn the memory of you into that brilliant mind of his forever. When you broke apart it felt like the earth had shifted beneath you and you stared at one another, breathless and smiling like teenagers caught making out beneath the bleachers.

“Oh yeah,” you laughed, “yeah you definitely owe me dinner.”

“Woohoo!” Morgan cheered.

“Ooooo, Y/N and Reid sitting in a tree,” Prentiss sang, “K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

“Go get ‘em, Lover Boy,” Garcia joined in.

Spencer laughed, letting his head fall down onto your shoulder, humming when you threaded your finger through his hair.

“Can we-um-can we maybe continue this at a later date?” Spencer asked, “Like maybe at dinner? Or,” he checked his watch, “breakfast, maybe?”

You looked back at Spencer’s team and felt, with a sudden rush of clarity, that you were looking at a group of people who would soon be staples of your life.

“Let’s go get coffee with the others,” you answered, “and then after that,” you tilted his head up and kissed him softly, “you can take me to breakfast.”

taglist: @ourfavoritesergeantbarnes

#jordsie #jordsie writes #criminal minds #criminal minds headcanons #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid headcanons #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler imagine #matthew gray gubler x you #matthew gray gubler

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snwscript · 3 years

Text

pivot point || hyunjin.

pairing: guard!hyunjin x princess!reader.

genre: historic au, strangers to lovers au.

themes: fluff + a bit of angst i guess??

word count: 7.6k

summary: when the task of picking the newest royal guard comes to you, the princess, it isn’t difficult to choose. one applicant, with charming looks and an interesting hobby, catches your eye and attention. maybe he might find himself shooting arrows into something other than targets?

tw: this contains a female lead, and terms such as princess. also, some things might not be fully accurate to how things worked in historical times, but i really tried to research as much as I could.

a/n: i miss him w blonde hair but whateva it’s fine (〃ノ∇ノ) also prince minho is not minho from skz !!!! oh and if a word is underlined, it’s a song you can listen to to feel more in the fic :]

masterlist.

As you were the princess of one of the most well-know palaces, a lot of weight was put on your shoulders. The thought of being next in line to the throne, along with the absolutely tiring schoolwork and boring schedules always filled your head as you waited for the next day to roll around.

It sometimes felt like you were forced into that life. But your head always perked up when you were asked first about a decision.

“Y/N, darling.” Your mother called your name as she sat at the dinner table.

“Yes Mother?” Making your way to the dining room from the living room, you rested your arms on the chair in front of your mom. You looked at her, eyebrows furrowing as you questioned her sudden ask of your presence.

She started with a sigh and you could tell she was stressed, her hand sparkling with accessories holding close to her head. Her eyes looked up from the papers in her other hand and to you. “Oh, there you are. I need your help with something.”

Your ears perked up as you looked away from her shining decorations and nodded. “Okay, what is it?” You leaned in to look at the paper that was in her hand. It had different names written on it, next to them were their skills.

But when did Mom get the time to do this?

“Well, we’re trying to get a new royal guard since one had to step out due to a finding of their criminal record, remember?” She queried, looking up at you from the paper.

Whipping away from your thoughts, you nodded. “Yeah, I do. But why so sudden? I’m pretty sure we don’t have to get a new guard.. we had enough already.” You said with a soft sigh. Your palace had originally had more than ten guards but due to the hardships the job gave, they had resigned. Now you only had five

“Y/N,” your mother stopped you, “we’ve talked about this. You know that your coronation is coming and when that day comes, you know how the crime rate will be.” There she goes again, talking about your coronation. “I would hate to have you suffer like your grandfather on his crowning.”

Her statement was blunt but it made sense to you. You made a small frown and nodded. “Yes Mother.” You took the papers out of her hand and made your way out of the dining room.

Your mom could tell you were upset about the conversation so in a small cheer she said, “I love you.”

“Love you too.” Your response short as you walked out of the dining room and back to your room.

On your way, your friendly chef Felix smiled at you, walking past saying, “Good morning, Your Highness.” You did a small head bow, but deeply wondered why he was being so formal. He wasn’t that much older than you, and he normally talked to you on friendly terms. Shaking the thought away, you continued back to your room.

But just like with Felix, whenever you would see one of the kind workers throughout the palace on the way to your room, they would always greet you with polite nonsense like: “Good day, Your Highness,” “Hello, Your Highness,” and “Wonderful weather we’re having, Your Highness!” It only broke you when you saw your older brother Seungmin reply, “Hey, Your Highness.” It was still in his joking tone but it was so chilling that you had to get out of there.

You ran out of the palace as a whole and decided to chill by the pool.

Sighing to yourself, you looked at the pool and tried to calm yourself. You were deeply confused why they had all responded like that. You weren’t even close to becoming the queen. You had thought it was all too much for you, like all of a sudden you were an adult. But it didn’t feel like it.

“What’s wrong, your Highness?” Chan said after seeing your distressed manner as you sat on the steps.

“Oh god, not you too Chan!” You buried your face in your hands.

He laughed heartily and soon went to sit down next to you. “Sorry, it was Seungmin. He asked me to say that to you since I was in debt to him for a while.” Looking over to you, Chan saw your sad expression.

He didn’t say anything for a while, his thoughts calculating as he thought of what to say to you. “You know, I probably have no say in this but the whole crowning doesn’t seem too bad.”

Your head whipped around to him. Confusion furrowing your eyebrows caused you to respond, “How can you say that? Everyone’s been treating me like I’m the Queen already..”

Chan laughed a bit, but not as happy as his last. It contained remorse for you. “Well I can tell you as a royal guard that they’re only doing this to get you ready for another year.” His statement softened to a whisper and covered his mouth near the more important end of his sentence.

Letting out a chuckle of unbelief, you crossed your arms. “How could they- Never mind that.” You stopped yourself before sighing and then looking at Chan. “Thanks for telling me, Chan. I swear, you’re one of the only guards I can trust.” You said jokingly, a soft smile making its way onto your lips.

A smile creeped up on his face too, showing his pure pleasure in seeing you smile again. “No problem, your Highness.” Chan finally said with a fake bow.

“Oh, stop it.” You slapped his shoulder in an attempt to get him to stop embarrassing you any further.

Chan laughed again, his serotonin boosting laugh making you laugh with him. With another smile and a two-finger salute, he said, “Alright, duty calls. See you later, Y/N!” He dashed off and started to make his way back into the palace.

“Ok, bye!” But by the time you responded, he was already gone.

He had always been so good to you. Always doing his best to make you feel better. Still, he had no real idea what you truly felt.

...

After a while of laying on your bed while reading a book, you looked at your nightstand. Those terrible papers seemed to look right back at you. With a sigh, you decided to take the time to look at the papers your mother had given to you that morning.

The candidates were.. okay. Your mind was still frazzled from the day’s events and soon after 15 minutes of looking, you came to the last page. You had skimmed over his credentials but when you came across his hobbies, you found yourself leaning into the paper.

Hobbies: reading, singing, & archery.

A-Archery? Were you reading it right? No matter how many times you read it, it still read the same thing. You had heard about it before, when your mother and father had left to go to a match with friends from another kingdom. It had always made you wonder what it was like, and seeing a candidate with that as a hobby made you feel inclined to approve his submission.

No photos or further reading needed, you put a check next to his name and went to put it in your parents’ room.

On your way back to yours, you were stopped by Seungmin. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed and his right leg crossed over the other. You shrugged, wordlessly saying, “What do you want?”

“Was that the guard slip?” He soon asked, a chuckle coming with the end of his question.

With a nod you replied, “Yep. Hopefully Mom doesn’t scold me for who I chose.” You continued to walk to bed with the words, “It was the archer, by the way,” leaving your lips. You had known Seungmin had seen the papers before they were given to you, so of course he had asked.

Seungmin’s small giggle turned into a happy laugh, but you couldn’t tell what for. A wave of relief came upon you as he called, “You’re so predictable. I knew you’d pick that one!”

You walked to your room that night to your older brother’s laughs echoing in the main hall.

It had been about two weeks since you had made the final mark on those papers but fortunately, your mother hadn’t said anything about it. Today was the day you were going to greet what seemed in your mind as the kind archer fellow. You were somewhat nervous, for reasons you knew.

As you got ready in your room to finally meet the archer, a soft sigh escaped you. Was it the right choice? Sure, knowing how to do archery was unique but you barely looked at any more of his credentials, so it made it hard to truly know him. You chose to shake the thought off for now and make your way to the front of the palace.

...

“I can’t wait to see who you chose!” Your mother said with happiness in her tone, hands clasped in excitement. She looked over to you, and was concerned as to why you were so quiet. “Something the matter?” She asked.

Your single head shake was enough for a response and your eyes kept looking out for the carriage the guard would come in. If you had to be honest, you just wanted to see what this guy looked like.

And just as you would have it, the clopping of the carriage came along the cobblestone. You felt your heart race as you heard the gates open for his arrival. And there he was, walking up to your family politely with his hands behind his back.

His appearance though, was much more ethereal. Eyes of a dark brown color and long hair that you didn’t see often, all while wearing a soft smile. His clothes were both sleek and looked comfortable. You could tell you were staring for too long so you decided to get your eyes off him with a small head bow. In response, he did the same.

“It’s nice to meet you. I hope I can serve you well.” He said, his soft voice causing you to look up with a kind smile.

Your father held out a hand for the boy to shake and replied, “Of course. We’re happy to have you..?” His reply became more of a prompt for his name.

“Ah, Hyunjin. Hwang Hyunjin.” He replied happily as he took your father’s hand and shook it. His soft smile had become an eager one, as if he was really excited for his new job. The boy who was apparently named Hyunjin looked from your father to you and did a small head bow to you. “Nice to meet you, Princess. Hopefully we can be friends.” His expression softened. “And hopefully I can serve you well.” He continued, his eyes crinkling as his smile widened.

“Of course, same to you.” You replied, voice soft after being out of focus. From the start, you knew that he was kind but the fact he even acknowledged you kindly made you smile.

Your mother broke up your kind exchange by cutting in, “Well now that introductions are over, we can get you inside and talk a bit more. It’s a bit humid out here.” A posh laugh came with her statement as Hyunjin mouthed “Of course” and you all went into the palace.

After two of your other guards opened the palaces’ doors, you could hear a gasp come from Hyunjin. He soon exclaimed, “Wow.. this place is huge..,” voice drifting at the end of his sentence. He seemed like an excited puppy, eager to look more around the place. To get his attention, you let out in a small whisper, “Excuse me, it’s this way!”

He turned around and covered his mouth, obviously embarrassed. “Sorry!” His voice low in a whisper to match yours.

You and Hyunjin soon caught up with your family in the drawing room, both acting like you had been there instead of staying behind in the great hall. Almost on queue, your father turned to you with a smile. “Ah yes, now that we’re here, we can talk more on the agreement.” Your father’s tone was soft but still had the power of a king.

“Yes, Your Highness.” Hyunjin said, eyes burning with confidence.

Your mother smiled. “Then let’s get to it!” She said, taking out some more papers, probably for him to sign.

...

Though it took what felt like a few hours, Hyunjin was ready to take the oath. What you noticed during the long talk and signing was that he was very active. Your mom mumbled a few things he had done to get to where he was now, including training for a year and a half at a camp. It seemed like he desperately wanted to get away from his normal life and land a better job at the palace, though it was harder than most. It made you wonder..

Your thoughts were taken to a pause as your father said, “Alright, now that you’re done signing, you can take the oath.”

Hyunjin nodded as his smiling face was replaced with a serious one. When you looked down at his hands, you saw his left closed in a tight fist. It soon loosened as he rose his right hand like your father told him to not long after.

“Repeat after me,” your father said firmly, his right hand raised as well, “I, Hwang Hyunjin, do swear that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to the Royal Family, their heirs and successors, according to law.”

He soon repeated before taking a deep breath, “I, Hwang Hyunjin, do swear that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to the Royal Family, their heirs and successors, according to law.” His hard expression soon softened when he earned an accepting nod from the king.

“And now, you’re officially a part of the royal guard.” Your father cheered, a raised curve you knew was a smile coming to his face. Though he didn’t show it much, you could always tell the difference between his capitalist smile and his genuine one. Hyunjin seemed to know too, as he brought him in for a hug.

“Wow, thank you so much for this opportunity!” He let go and then shook the king’s hand. “I promise I won’t let you down.” He said in a voice filled with gratitude. The king let out a hearty laugh at Hyunjin’s peppy attitude and nodded.

“Happy to know you’re excited.” He soon said. Your mother’s mouth turned into a smile, soon turning to you with a brighter one. The pleasant feeling in the room made you smile back.

Hyunjin looked to you and remarked with an assuring smile, “I’ll protect you for real, now.” His statement made you burst laughing, still more calm than your normal laugh as to not expose yourself. “I know you’ll do well, Hyunjin.” You replied.

“Thank you, princess.”

You woke up the next morning to the sun coming through the window. Surprisingly, none of the maids or butlers was there to escort you out of your room. Making your way down the stairs and then the long hallway, you started to make your way to the kitchen to start to make breakfast yourself.

You usually weren’t allowed to when your parents weren’t around because they entrusted the chefs to cook every meal. Though you didn’t mind them cooking for you, you always like to cook by yourself. Unfortunately, the kind chef Felix walked in as you took out some flour.

“Ah, your Highness.” He did a small head bow with his bright smile. His formal behavior made you a bit uncomfortable. “Good morning.”

You still mustered a smile. “Good morning, Felix. It’s good to see you.” Your statement was true despite you knowing he would be making breakfast for you.

“Y/N, don’t worry. I’ll let you make breakfast for yourself. You always look so eager when you see me cooking anyway.” Felix let out in a chuckle. His laughter brought a happier smile to your face.

“Thank you, Felix.” You replied while bringing him in for a hug. He happily hugged you back, his warm hug made you smile.

You decide to ask him, “Hey, why do you keep calling me “Your Highness”? Have we drifted?” Your tone was soft, and Felix responded with a shaking of his head.

“No, of course not Y/N! It’s just.. the king and queen have been wanting to prepare you for the life you’re going to have in a couple years. So I’ve been listening to their wishes. But don’t worry,” Felix let go of you and held you by your shoulders, looking at you with caring eyes, “we’re still friends.” His bright smile reached his eyes.

“Well that’s good! I got a little worried.” You replied with a laugh.

After clearing up the situation, you started to make your breakfast, every now and then having Felix help you. Who would’ve known that making french toast and fluffy eggs would be harder than you thought?

...

The happy feeling you had soon drifted with your parents came back home. You had prepared yourself for this, but you really hadn’t wanted to.

As they walked in, they appeared with your “destined prince,” as your mom called him when you were a kid. You made eye contact with him immediately as a rush of a hurt came through you.

Prince Minho of the Cha family, the future husband of your dreams. (but was he?)

It wasn’t like you hated Minho, he was fine. Charming looks, a great personality. He even loved animals and had 2 dogs of his own. You just weren’t ready yet. But though you wanted to, you couldn’t tell him. If you had known sooner that the marriage decision had been made when you were kids, you would’ve declined already.

Minho walked up to you with a soft smile. “My darling Y/N. I haven’t seen you in ages.” You smiled shyly at his pet name. “You still look as cute as ever.” His eyes stared into yours longingly.

“It’s good to see you too, Minho.” You took his hands and nodded. Still, you couldn’t shake the sorry feeling in your chest. It felt like you were playing with him.

Your mother interrupted your soft exchange with a clearing of her throat. “Alright, lovebirds, let’s get moving to the ballroom. You two,” she said pointing at you and Minho, “need to practice dancing together.”

Minho smiled at your parents and then at you. “Don’t worry. I won’t step on your feet.” You chuckled at his joke and made your way to the ballroom.

...

When you got there, you saw Hyunjin from the other side of the ballroom standing against the wall with his hands behind his back. He smiled to you as a soft greeting and you smiled back as a reply.

“Hyunjin,” your mother called to him, “do you mind turning on the gramophone and putting on the record for me?”

The smiling guard nodded, “Of course, your Highness.” He walked over to the gramophone that was on the coffee table and put in the record. After glancing at you and Minho for a second, he went back to the wall he was at before.

The music from the gramophone was somber, a soft piano piece. You had heard it many times when you were younger. It brought back memories and a soft smile to your face.

You slowly waltzed with Minho, hands interlocked. Minho kept eye contact with you, his eyes sparkling happily. You traveled along the room with him, careful with each step as the music flowed. The song came to an end as Minho took your hand and kissed it.

“You danced wonderfully, Y/N.” He said with a soft tone.

Your smile toward Minho was sincere, you nodded happily. “Thank you, Minho. You didn’t do half bad either.” You joked.

He let out a little chuckle and linked arms with you. Making eye contact with your mother, he asked, “Do you mind if I have lunch with her, my lady?”

“No, of course not,” she shook her head with a smile, “I don’t mind at all. We wanted you to have lunch together, anyways.”

“Thank you.” Minho looked at you once again and started to walk out of the ballroom.

You looked back to Hyunjin who stood there with a smile you couldn’t quite place. You gave him a quick beam, making him nod to cheer you up. Before you could mouth “thank you”, Minho walked out of the door with his princely smile and you.

“I don’t get you sometimes.” Seungmin shook his head at you, arms crossed.

“What do you mean?” You replied innocently. Clearly, judging by the look on your brother’s face, he was talking about your boring lunch with Minho.

Seungmin sighed; it was full of annoyance. “You know exactly what I mean!”

You still pretended to be curious as to what he meant so you shrugged.

“Why did you come from lunch with Minho so.. normal? Usually when people have a meeting with someone they really like, they can’t think of anything else but that person. But you.. you seem fine! Almost too fine.” He put a hand on your shoulder. “Do you really not feel that way for him?” He finally asked.

You looked up into Seungmin’s eyes. You couldn’t find it in yourself to lie to him. “I-I’m just not ready yet.” You replied, your voice soft. “I thought you knew that.”

“I do know. I’m not mad at you, I just don’t get you. This is a big opportunity and Mom’s gonna be upset with you, I’m just telling you now.” Your older brother replied.

“I know she is.. Minho’s a good guy, it’s just I don’t think I could marry him, or anyone for that matter. Not right now, anyway.”

Seungmin let out a sigh again. He was done nudging an answer out if you. “Alright, just don’t be so indecisive for too long. It’s all in your hands.” He began to walk out of the room but stopped himself. “Remember that you have to talk with Mom at 3, okay?” His smile was soft as he continued to walk.

You watched him walk out of the room, leaving you at the table. You grunted softly and put your hands over your eyes. I need to get some fresh air.. your thoughts festered.

...

Again, you found yourself outside by the pool as a way to calm down. You had understood what Seungmin meant and that he was just looking out for you, but you couldn’t stop thinking about it..

“Do you really not feel that way for him?”

You tried to shake off the feeling by continuing to look into the pool and soon threw water towards your face. When you went for another splash to wake yourself up, you heard someone walk up to where you sat and soon the voice that belonged to it:

“I hate to be interrupting something but are you okay, Your Highness?” It was Hyunjin. You looked up at him with your chlorine drenched face and smiled.

“Yeah, I’m fine! No need to worry!” You replied with a small laugh. “Just trying to calm my nerves..” Looking up at him again, you saw his hand holding out a handkerchief.

Hyunjin smiled. “Here. I think you need it.” He chuckled.

You were surprised at his kindness and took the handkerchief, a soft smile coming to your face. “Thank you.” Taking his hand to get up, you met eyes with him. Something about seeing him so close made you feel kind of nervous, even though you weren’t the one with the new job. Still, he made you feel comfortable. Hyunjin was doing his job as a guard right.

Hyunjin tried to break the silence. “So, care to explain what you’re doing out here?” He asked curiously.

“Well,” you started, “I usually come here to calm myself down. Seeing the water settles me.”

“Oh, I see..” He didn’t want to pry on what could have been messing with your emotions and decided to try and keep conversation. “Whenever I get stressed, I like to go out and shoot some arrows. It feels good to just shoot without the worry of doing wrong.”

You looked at him, your eyebrows furrowed, as you asked, “So then, what do you do? Do you just.. shoot?”

Hyunjin laughed at your question, his smile reaching his eyes. “Yeah, pretty much! Of course, still with the skills I’ve learned. I just try not to be fancy with it.”

“Okay.. I think I get it.” You replied to him, your voice drifting in volume. “Do you mind showing me some of the “fancy work,” mayhaps?” You looked up at him with a small smirk.

“If the Princess allows it.” Hyunjin replied; your nodding seemed to be a yes. “Alright then, let’s go to the fields. The King let me set up some materials over there.”

After walking to the fields, your eyes widened when you saw the archery setting. Bows and arrows on their own table, targets set at different ranges. It was like you had heard of before from Chan. You were excited to see how it really looked in person; seeing archery was different than hearing about it.

Hyunjin bent down to pick up one of the bows and an arrow from the table. He looked back at you and smiled. “I’ll shoot to the second nearest one so you can see it.” His voice lifted near the end of his sentence and his smile matched his happy tone. As he adjusted his form, he took a deep breath. He lifted the bow and arrow and closed his right eye, trying to get the best shot. You watched his smile turn into a serious straight face as he got a confident glint in his eye. Hyunjin soon released the arrow and watched it hit the target he had been aiming for.

“Wait a second,” you said, looking at the target, “you got it straight in the middle!”

He nodded and held the bow in his hands. “It’s like I told you! I still use the skills I’ve learned.” Hyunjin smiled at you again and handed you the bow.

“What is it? Why are you giving me-“ He stopped your question and put an arrow in your free hand.

“Don’t worry, I’m just gonna help you.” His voice was soft as he adjusted your hand placement and your angle. You ignored the hot feeling in your cheeks, but you were thankful for his help.

“Okay,” Hyunjin continued, “now close your right eye, since that’s the hand you’ll be shooting with.” You listened to his words and closed your eye. “Now just hold back your right arm. Only shoot when you’re ready.” You strengthened your grip and almost forgot that Hyunjin was there. Straightening your gaze like he had done before, you finally let go of the arrow. Your eyes closed immediately as you did.

Your worries wavered away as you heard Hyunjin’s laugh. “You did good for your first try! Come on, open your eyes and look. I promise you actually got a hit on the target.” As you opened your eyes, you saw the target with the arrow on the third ring. You looked at him and smiled.

“It’s okay, Princess,” he chuckled, “The third ring is good enough.”

“Thank you, Hyunjin.” You replied. His laugh made you laugh along with him. “I’m surprised that you even wanted to show me! So thank you very much for the lesson.”

He shook his hands around in a sporadic manner. “Don’t worry, it’s not a problem.”

You could tell that he really was happy to teach you and that his smile was genuine. A rush of shock ran over you as you realized how late it was. “Oh no... I totally forgot that I had to meet with my mom today.” Your eyes were sorry as you said, “Please forgive me for leaving so suddenly, I have a meeting and I can’t stay too long. I’m really sorry, Hyunjin.” You did a head bow as an apology.

“Please don’t bow to me, Princess Y/N! If you need to leave, it’s okay. Feel free to go! I-I wouldn’t want to keep you any longer.” Hyunjin’s words were a jumble, he couldn’t figure out what he wanted to say to you. Especially after your politeness towards him.

You giggled a bit at his flustered behavior. “Alright, see you later! Thanks again for the archery lesson!”

Hyunjin watched as you dashed off into the distance, probably going to the castle. There was a pleasant feeling in his chest. He was glad that he could have a good time with even a Princess. But he couldn’t figure out what it was about you that made him smile so much to himself... was it your attitude? Your kindness? Maybe he was thinking too much about it.

“Oh hey Hyunjin!” A familiar voice greeted him. Hyunjin turned around and saw Chan standing there with his bright smile. “What are you doing out here? Doing some archery?” Chan referred to the setup in front of them.

“Yeah! I even got to give Princess Y/N a small lesson. With her permission, of course.” Hyunjin replied.

Chan was intrigued as his mouth formed a small ‘o’. “Oh, I see. That’s good, I’m glad she’s trying new things.” He smiled again.

Hyunjin nodded happily. He glanced to the table that had the bows and arrows on them and noticed there were only two bows instead of the three that were there before. “Oh, I guess she accidentally took one of the bows with her. She was kind of in a rush.”

“That makes sense. She doesn’t like to make the Queen upset over simple things like being late.” Chan patted Hyunjin’s shoulder. “Don’t worry too much, she’ll probably be able to give it to you later.”

“Yeah..” He started to walk with Chan back into the castle.

“Hey,” Chan said quickly, “Do you think I could learn some archery skills from you, too? I can teach you how to handle and fight with a sword in exchange.”

Hyunjin chuckled. “Sure, I’ve been needing to get better at that, anyway.”

...

You had met with your mother that day to talk about the harvest festival taking place in a few days. It was the pride of your kingdom; the small amount of time that most ‘regulars’ could come into the castle to join in games, music, and dancing. You looked across the table at your mother with confusion in your brows when she told you that you were going to be greeting people for most of the festival.

“What? What do you mean? That’s what you and Father usually do.” You retorted.

Your mother sighed. “Yes, I know. It’s different but it’s okay! Instead of us, it’ll be you and Minho. That’s why you two are doing the ending dance instead of your father and I. And then you can take the prized crown alongside Minho.”

You found her smile too pleasant. It made you feel betrayed that she would tell you so early, as if she knew you would’ve tried to leave. “But.. why didn’t you tell me earlier? I’m still just a young princess, you know.”

“Don’t play that game with me. Why else would I have you practice with Minho beforehand? Be reasonable and stop arguing with your mother.” She said plainly.

“Fine, I guess I have to do it.” Her tone made you feel overpowered, like whatever you would’ve said wouldn’t have mattered anyway. “Thank you for telling me, Mother. I hope I can greet everyone well.”

She laid a hand on your cheek and smiled at you. “That’s my girl. I’m going to pick out the best dress and accessories for you, I promise. You’ll wear the crown greatly.”

“Thank you,” you told her again before you left. All you wanted to do is get to your room, the one place you could let your emotions out. At this point, you didn’t want to go to the harvest festival at all. You jumped on the bed at stayed there for a few hours.

You hadn’t wanted to do much around the castle the next few days. Your mother and father had decided to let you do what you wanted to do; to be by yourself. Your father came to you yesterday to reassure you that you could do it, just for one night.

Though you didn’t respond at all, you remember him talking about sudden threats that had come around every harvest festival. All he wanted was for you to be safe, and he knew that throwing you into it was not the best decision. Your father just knew in his heart that you would do well, like he and your mother did.

You decided to get up after two sluggish days. You looked outside of the window and then at the clock. “I guess I’ll have to really do it tomorrow.” You mumbled.

Maybe, just maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

...

As you sat at the mirror getting ready for the festival, you practiced your smile. You even tried different ones to change it up and give your face a rest. One of your designers laughed.

“What are you doing, Princess Y/N? You look so funny.” She said, still chuckling.

You looked back to her and retorted, “I’m practicing my smile for the festival. Father says not to look too dull.”

“Well trust me,” she laughed, “the king will be surprised and probably pleased.” You shared a smile with her but she quickly faced your head towards the mirror. “Now face forward. I need to finish your makeup in 30 minutes.”

Before you knew it, you were walking down the spiraling staircase to the main floor. You felt stiff due to the makeup and extravagant light red dress, but you had to admit that you looked good. When you got down, you saw Minho standing there in his tuxedo. It was a nice red with white accents. The red matched your own.

You smiled as you came to him, deciding to be as nice as you could to him that day. “You look so nice today. Your courters dressed you well.” You remarked.

“Thank you, Y/N. You look splendid.” Minho replied as he went for a kiss on your hand, as he usually did.

“Let’s get going, okay? The gates open in a few minutes!”

He beamed at your enthusiasm and took a tight hold on your hand. “Of course.”

...

For the past two hours at the harvest festival, you had been stuck greeting every single person who had stepped through the door. You were glad to see all of your citizens but while all of them moved on from the line and had fun, you were still stuck at the door. And to make matters worse, Minho held onto your hand like it was life or death.

All of a sudden, the music playing from the ballroom stopped. You remembered it from before.

“Now, we’ll stop the dancing for a few minutes to have a special couple dance together.” Your father’s voice was clear from the ballroom.

Minho looked at you. “I guess that’s us.” He walked with you, hand in hand, to the ballroom.

“And it’s not just any couple. It’s our very own junior fiancés!” Your mother added as you and Minho walked in. All of the citizens clapped and cheered for you, yet only you were surprised by the term ‘fiancé’.

Soon, you and Minho were the center of attention. All of everyone’s eyes were on you two. Minho tried to assure you that everything would be okay with his eyes, as if he could tell that you were worried.

You must’ve spaced out; the music started playing again. A smile came back to you as you remembered the song. You waltzed with him like you had practiced before, moving your way across the floor. Minho’s glimmering eyes showed a deep effect of love towards you. You tried your best to ignore how close he was until the end of the song.

The citizens clapped for your shared dance. You smiled, you must’ve done it well. “Guess we didn’t do too bad, huh?” You said quietly.

Minho placed a hand on your cheek and surprised you and everyone else in the ballroom; he kissed the other one. You didn’t know why he would’ve done it so passionately, it wasn’t like how you had practiced. Your feelings were unsure.

What’s going on? Is this okay? Why do I feel like this?

You pulled away after a few seconds of thinking. Backing away, you ran out with a small mumble, “I’m sorry.”

Your hands were clammy. You felt like you hadn’t drank water in days. The butterflies in your stomach seemed to only get worse. You needed to get out of there. No, you needed to get anywhere but there. Your thoughts were a giant mess as you thought of where to go. Thinking of leaving the castle was already a no, but where else could you-

“Ah!” You let out after bumping into a familiar figure in the main hall.

Hyunjin caught you. “Careful there, princess. You remember what the King and Queen said, hm?” He said, keeping your eye contact. “You should be in the ballroom.” Leaning over your shoulder to whisper those few words.

“I know. It’s just..” Steps could be heard down the hall along with your mother’s calls for you. You glanced back to him. Your thoughts ran dry, and you did the only thing you thought to do. “Kiss me.”

“Princess Y/N-“

“I said kiss me.�� You didn’t know where the straightforwardness was coming from but what would happen was unexpected.

Hyunjin leaned in for a kiss on your lips and closed his eyes. You had enjoyed it as you both moved swiftly into the room next to you. He had held onto your head tightly as he continued to kiss you.

When you both let go, you smiled. You couldn’t help but giggle a bit. “You’re a good kisser, Guard Hwang.”

“There’s no need to call me that, Princess Y/N.” He shook his head with a smile, still a little shocked that he kissed the princess in the first place. “But I have a question.”

You looked at him with curious eyes. “What is it?” You asked.

“Why did you come sprinting down there? And I understand that it might be hard to talk about.” Hyunjin replied softly.

“Well, you remember the prince I was dancing with that day, correct?” Hyunjin nodded at your question. “Basically we did the same dance at the festival today. But Minho changed things up and kissed me on the cheek. I didn’t know what to do, I was just confused..” Your voice fell to a quieter level.

Hyunjin patted your back and sat you down on the bed in the room. “Don’t worry about him, it’s okay. He should’ve known that you wouldn’t have liked it as much as he would’ve.”

You shared a pleasant smile with Hyunjin as he continued to pat your back. You were glad that someone was there to uplift you.

The lovely feeling in the room soon disappeared when yells of “intruder” and “thief” came upon Hyunjin’s and your ears from outside the room. You looked at him worried but he shook his head.

“Stay here, okay? I’m still supposed to be on post.” Hyunjin stated.

As Hyunjin walked out of the room and down the hall, he kept a serious face. His eyes glanced around as if he could feel someone else’s presence was there. He slowly got the bow — one of the secondary ones from your small lesson — off of him and slowed his pace.

“You guys are very bad at hiding.” He mumbled. He easily could see one of the culprits hiding behind a pillar in a mirror right across. Without any hesitation, he lifted the bow and strengthened his grip on the arrow and shot for the mirror instead.

The man screamed and jumped out of the way. He started to shake on the floor. Hyunjin sighed as he walked up to the man and held him by his collar. “I’m sorry sir. I don’t care what sob story you give me, duty calls. I have to take you to the King for intruding.” He flipped the man over and stood up with him, soon grabbing his wrists from behind and placing them over each other.

“Let’s go.” Hyunjin’s tone made the guilty culprit start walking with his head down.

“You do know that it’s not just me, right?” said the man.

“Well of course. There’s never just one.” Hyunjin replied quickly.

The man sighed as if he was immediately sorry. “I’m very sorry for what might happen to the kingdom after all of this.”

“There’s no need to apologize to me,” Hyunjin said to the man, “that’s something you need to take up with the King and Queen. Just know that it’s likely that you’ll go to jail for this.”

The man was surprised at how nonchalant Hyunjin was. “Thank you for not being too rough with me.”

“Just doing my job, sir.” Hyunjin said with a small chuckle.

After a few minutes, the intruder and Hyunjin made it to the King in the ballroom. “Here, Your Highness. I’ve caught one of the intruders.”

“Thank you, Guard Hwang. I appreciate it.” The King smiled as he took the culprit to some policemen that were called to the scene. “Here’s one of them!” He called to them.

Hyunjin looked around the ballroom, recognizing the faces he had seen at his post. The citizens murmured worriedly all around. But he could tell that someone was missing.

“Your Highness,” Hyunjin called, “do you mind if I check outside? That culprit over there told me that there’s more than just him.” The king nodded. “Of course, just take another guard with you.” He motioned towards Chan. “Guard Bang, go with Guard Hwang to check outside. If there’s more intruders, just call for more.”

“Yes, Sir.” Chan grabbed his sword and shield in hand. “Alright let’s get going, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin nodded and the two went out of the castle, soon being met with the slowly setting sky. They looked all around the perimeter of the castle after deciding to split up but after they found nothing, they threw away the plan and searched together.

“Do you think anyone’s actually out here?” Hyunjin whispered to Chan softly.

Chan shrugged at his question. He wasn’t quite sure what could come from searching or not. “Usually there’s more than one when it comes to castle takeovers, so probably. But it’s hard to see with only the moon enlightening us. So try not to worry. The King won’t kill you if no one’s out here.” He tried to lighten up the mood with a chuckle.

“Okay..” Hyunjin mumbled. For a while, only the crunching of the grass under their boots could be heard. They paid close attention to their surroundings.

“S-stop right there!” A voice shouted from behind them, their voice breaking near the end of their scream. Hyunjin and Chan turned around to see the person who owned the voice: Prince Minho with a sword held in front of him. “What are you guards doing out here?”

Chan held his sword in a tight hand. “We should be asking you the same question.”

“I just wanted to get some fresh air. It was a bit congested in there.” Minho’s light laugh had a nod to something else. He had kept one hand behind his back.

“Are you sure about that?” Hyunjin spoke up. “There’s something more to what you’re saying.” His eyes stayed close to the prince’s hidden hand.

“Your Highness,” Chan started, “may I ask you to lower your sword?”

Minho’s face tightened. He didn’t expect this. “O-of course. Of course I can.” His voice shook slightly; he was terrified. He knew they knew. But still, he didn’t lay down his sword. He couldn’t. “Actually.. no. Shouldn’t you be a bit more respectful to your future king? I can do as I please.”

When Minho turned around to leave, Chan pushed his weight onto him and tried to hold him down. “Hyunjin, here!” He held out what the prince had been hiding: the crown. “Go and return it! I’ll take care of this guy.”

“Okay!” Hyunjin ran off and dashed through the castle. He held to a pause when he saw you standing there in the hall. “Princess Y/N.. I think this is yours.”

You held the crown tightly and smiled. “Thank you so much, Hyunjin. I really appreciate it.” You wanted to thank him but the confidence from before came back to you. “Hey, do you have time to dance with a princess such as myself?”

“Well, I think so. I do have to do my job as a guard and stay at my post.” He chuckled. “But of course, Princess.”

You smiled softly and took his hand to lead him into the room you were both in before. “I know the perfect song.” You soon put in the song that gave you pleasure into the gramophone.

Hyunjin took your hand gently and began to waltz with you. His smile was soft on his face as it reached his eyes. The strings in the music led you across the room. You hadn’t wanted your final dance any other way. The song calmed along with your dancing near the end.

“I feel like I’m going to cause you trouble, Princess Y/N.” Hyunjin said, his hand was tenderly clasped with yours.

“I would count it as good trouble, my archer.” You softly replied as you kissed his cheek. As Hyunjin put the crown atop your head, you both laughed. The two of you waltzed in the room for the rest of the night, the sun’s final colors setting behind you through the window.

#stray kids #hyunjin #stray kids hyunjin #stray kids fic #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #stray kids scenarios #hyunjin scenarios #kpop fluff #kpop angst #kpop fic #kpop fanfic

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incarnateirony · 3 years

Text

I'm gonna need fandom to stop projecting some weird romanticized and/or bitter idea of suicidal ideation on 15x20 Dean which is directly contrary to the text.

If anything, 15x20 was Dean's least suicidal period. He had opted to start trying to enjoy life. He still clearly struggled with depression and grief from his sloppy room, but that doesn't necessarily translate to suicidal thoughts.

Dean highlighted his desire to make sure sacrifices weren't in vain. He tried to eat after a whole season of refusing to because he was too angry and scared.

People misunderstand "being realistic" as "suicidal". While yes, you can even check the script and there's a moment of panic thinking about if Cas was there, and yes, it even clarifies the nearest hospital is 45 minutes away and yes, clarifies Dean was 100% run through, just because that didn't make it to screen doesn't mean it's suddenly Dean surrendering.

Maybe this is something not understood because of how international SPN fandom is, or how urban its digital demographic tends to be--but I've got news for you. It's basically common knowledge that places like that are at least half an hour from anywhere in the US.

I've lived in those places.

One such place, for example, was Timpson Texas. When I moved there for a few months, I was warned. Don't get hurt. The nearest hospital is 45 minutes away. But if it's really bad--they do have a volunteer EMS department. Which, they joked, was "express delivery" because it was located right next to the funeral home, and frankly nobody was sure what their actual credentials were in a town of 200~.

It's very, very rare to find a farmhouse setup like that near a city. Or at least anything less than 20 minutes from anywhere. There's a few exceptions to that rule for anything in life, like the Independence, MO area that has really weird fucking zoning and you can go from farmland to ghetto to farmland to downtown in a straight shot, but by and large, this is how it is in the US. I know 45 minutes sounds insane to someone living in like, the UK. Or even people who've lived their whole lives in and around big US metro cities like New York and Chicago.

But I can promise you, just because those thoughts didn't come out of Dean's mouth, they ran through his head, like many silent things you can see him assess at any given moment in the show that are common sense life, battle, or other issues. "Well, shit, it'll take an ambulance at least 30 minutes to get here if I'm lucky and my vision's already tunneling, Cas isn't here, gotta take my chance to say what's important, like I learned from Cas."

That's it. That's what that was. Was the death comically long? Yes, still not enough for him to get help. Were there ways they could have illustrated it better? Sure, they could have used that one overhead driving in a field shot for the 1000th time. Would the text have helped in dialogue--maybe, you know this fandom loves missing the point anyway.

Everyone goes "but why tell Sam not to bring him back then!!" bro-- bro--he literally says why, and it's true. That always ends bad. It's stopping this jerk off cycle and realizing it's ok to be freaking mortal. That they can't keep fucking up the cosmic balance for all eternity. Letting hundreds/thousands/millions/billions of people have their entire universe fucked up because the two brothers insist on being in the same spot at the same time. He insisted Sam live on.

Maybe it's a misunderstanding of biology too? Hell, there's some ways that could have gone in that would have had him dead even faster. It really just depends what exactly it punctured how. Is it technically survivable? Yeah, if you're not basically an hour and a half out from a hospital with the weewoo cab trip both ways. If he already felt himself fading though, reality strikes.

That's Dean Winchester becoming spontaneously aware of his mortality, not giving up. Like I hate to tell people, but you'll never make it out of life alive. That's not suicidal, that's reality. The point is, to live the best life you can while you have it, and to not give up, sure. But also to be aware that you might get diagnosed with terminal cancer or you might get hit by a bus or maybe you'll fucking ridiculously get run through on a dickbar. Some things in life you can't control.

Are there ways this could have been pulled together far better? 100% absolutely. The finale was a disaster in delivery. At literally every corner. In every way. But that shouldn't make us just scream past it and somehow convert it into the worst possible take guys. I should hope that a young adult to middle aged demographic understands things like basic biology, emergency response time, the fact that we're all mortal beings, and the general moral of learning what to say when it's important and maybe your last chance, c'mon.

Or worse, trying to turn it into "Dean didn't want to live anymore because he missed Cas." Like shit. I'm blazing "Destiel is canon and has been for a while" trash but -- that's literally? Contradictory? Dean wanted to live because he respected Cas' sacrifice. That's canon. Even when he still felt down and his room was still messy and some days he might have almost felt dead, he kept trucking, kept dreaming, put in job applications, tried to be the young self he used to be and go to a pie-fest, whatever. He kept moving. THAT'S where he kept fighting.

Giving up isn't Dean accepting that a pike through all his major organs an hour out from medical help is gonna be the end. Giving up would be him having stayed passed out on the whiskey bottles on the floor forever moping and just WAITING for that instead of being like, damn, I didn't think today would be the day.

Is it a perfect ending, no, not saying that, nor in any way defending the fucking trashfire finale but I'm so sick of seeing this "suicidal dean" talk. When that isn't even remotely what it was.

#supernatural #spn #dean winchester #tw suicide

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tngrace · 3 years

Text

Finding My Happy

My dearest Max, happy birthday dude! I hope you have the best day ever and I hope you enjoy this! Thanks for letting me add the missing Judd/TK and missing Tarlos moments from the last episode. I truly hope you enjoy this.

Read on A03.

As always thanks @moviegeek03 for helping me iron out the finer details and the support. It means the world 💙

After their little talk that morning about the news TK received the night before, Judd knows something major is up when TK leaves his father's office with a simultaneously pissed off and kicked puppy look on his face. "TK," he calls out, but TK just brushes past all of them.

Judd sees the questioning looks from the others and just shakes his head at them. "I'll take him," he says heading in the direction TK went.

He finds TK outside pacing the front of the firehouse. "Hey. Take a breath," Judd says, laying a hand on TK's shoulder. TK tries to shrug him off, but Judd just gives his shoulder a squeeze and holds him still. "You wanna go out again? Talk?" He questions when TK won't say anything.

TK looks at him with those sad eyes and a nod, and Judd squeezes his shoulder in response knowing he'd do anything with TK giving him that look. "Gimme five and we'll go," Judd tells him as TK nods again wringing his hands. Just as they're loading up in the truck, questioning looks from the others still firmly in place, the alarm sounds and TK groans.

Judd gives him an apologetic look as TK jumps out to gear up and climb in the back. Once everyone is in, Judd takes off leading them to their call. Owen is giving out the information from dispatch, but TK is a little zoned out. The call is easy, routine, and TK was rather impressed that Pearce was able to save someone. He knows Owen can feel the attitude he's giving off, but he can't help it. His dad's comment hurt more than he wants to admit.

Once back at the station, he grabs a bite to eat before he and Judd try once more to have their conversation. "You gonna tell me what's up? Or am I gonna have to pull it out of ya?" Judd eventually asks as they sit in the firetruck and TK doesn't even attempt to start it.

"It's just something dad said earlier. It just…." TK trails off, biting at his lip as he hangs his head.

"TK you can tell me anything," Judd reminds him squeezing his shoulder. Judd hates the kicked puppy look TK seems to have perfected. It makes him hurt for his brother.

"Dad had me sign papers earlier. Signed his power of attorney over to me. Said he's gonna have that cancer surgery in two weeks, the one I've been bugging him to do."

"That's great bud. I know you've been on him about it," Judd says knowing that would be a relief for TK.

"Yea…. Well," TK sighs running his hands through his hair tugging at it. "I asked him why he was finally going to do it. And you know what he said?"

TK's eyes drop to his lap, his hands twitching and wringing with nervous energy. Before they can go any further, their radios crackle to life with a call. Luckily they're right near the firehouse, and after a quick switch of drivers they're back at the station. Judd so wants to know what Owen said to devastate TK like this, but it's gonna have to wait. TK grabs his gear from Paul, and jumps in the back with the others. He can see TK in the mirror zoning out again as Owen talks. He is determined to get to the bottom of this after this call.

Upon arrival, the two captains converse with the Travis Co Sheriff's Officer on site as the team hangs back waiting for a game plan. TK can already feel the adrenaline starting to course through his body as Owen details out what they need. "You good?" Judd asks him and TK nods reassuringly even though he can tell Judd doesn't buy it.

He can't help but overhear the conversation with the new guy as everyone else gathers what Owen requested and Judd keeps tabs on the bomb squad. TK hates that his dad is always putting himself in the most dangerous situations, but he knows he can't do anything about it either because Owen wouldn't listen to him. When he hears the new guy declining to go, he knows he needs to speak up and save two captains from being in danger.

"I'll go," he says getting looks not only from his team, but also both captains. He can almost see the objections on his dad's tongue, so he continues before Owen can object. "I was a dual-function FD medic in New York. All my certifications are up to date. I can do this," he says almost daring his dad to contradict him.

Owen just nods and tells him to suit up. Captain Vega prepares the bag he will need while Judd pulls TK to the side to help him suit up. "What the hell are you thinking?" He practically growls at TK.

"That kid needs saving and it was better than both captains risking their lives," he says, stripping down to his undershirt. Judd straps his chest harness around him as TK puts on his helmet. "I'm fine. You're not gonna lose anyone else," TK says quietly to which Judd just grunts. TK knows he's worried, but TK honestly feels steady.

Jumping through a minefield had his blood pumping and his adrenaline flowing. He almost forgot what Owen had said earlier as he zoned in on work. The call goes faster than TK expects even though his dad almost got blown up. TK felt steady, felt sure of what he was doing and keeping Wes alive. It felt good to get back to the medic side of calls. Once the bomb squad cleared a path for them, TK helped load the boys into the ambulance.

Before TK could volunteer to ride along with them, Judd pushed him towards the firetruck. TK knew their conversation was far from over, but having a good call helped refocus him. Once back at the station, Judd pulls TK out to the side yard. "That was fool-headed and stupid," Judd starts, but he pulls TK into a tight hug. "And also badass as hell. You did good," he says, making TK shake him off with a nervous laugh. He's still not good at taking praise for just doing his job.

"Thanks. It felt… it felt good," he says with a shoulder shrug and bashful smile.

"We'll get back to this," Judd says as they sink into some chairs. "Wanna tell me what your dad said now?"

TK sighs as he bites his lip, his eyes dropping. He knew Judd wouldn't forget, and he knew he needed to talk about it. He just wanted to ride the adrenaline high a little longer. "I asked him why he was finally doing the surgery. He said…." TK sighs and Judd can see he's fighting tears. "He said because he's going to be a father," TK gets out quietly not looking at Judd.

Judd is stunned. He didn't think Owen could be so callous to TK. He has to bite back a growl of anger on TK's behalf. "I mean…. I know he's happy about a new baby, and it's their…. Their second chance to get it right and not screw this one up.... but I just… "

"TK stop!" Judd says forcefully interrupting TK's self-degradation, reaching for TK's shoulder giving it a squeeze. "You are not a screw up, you hear me?" Judd searches his eyes trying to make sure TK hears him and believes him. "You're not. And I don't give a damn how happy he is about another kid. That doesn't give him the right to ignore and hurt the one he's already got. Just because you're an adult, doesn't make you any less his kid."

"Thanks Judd," TK says quietly. "Dad's… dad's always just been dad," he shrugs. "He wasn't around much as a kid, and then mom worked, and I just... I figured things out on my own, made some bad decisions, some not so bad…. And I became a firefighter so I could be a part of his family finally." TK hates painting his dad in this bad light, but he's just trying to be honest with someone who's always honest with him. "He's always had a hero complex and when I need saving he's there. And then he finds someone or something else that needs saving, and that's that. I'm used to it, but I dunno. It just…. It hurt this morning ya know?" TK finishes, his eyes dropping back to his folded hands.

"Of course it did. And you have every right to feel that way, and express how you feel TK."

TK scoffs as he finally looks at Judd. "He wouldn't listen if I said something. He'd tell me I misheard him or something. Hell he didn't even notice anything after he said it, and I know I don't have that good of a poker face," TK says with a shrug. "But that last call, it felt good. It felt right. It made me forget what he’d said for minute. I haven't done medical since New York for obvious reasons, but it just…. I don't know it felt really good."

"TK you were a total badass out there today. If this is something you want you should go for it. I doubt Pearce is gonna last with Tommy. I'd say he's already out the door," Judd says looking back at the firehouse.

"Yea but…" he trails off with a deep sigh.

"But what? You've got the qualifications and the experience. You proved yourself today for sure. Tommy would be lucky to have you."

"But what about us? The team? Dad?" He trails off quietly.

"TK we're still a team, a family. That's not gonna change just because you move over to medical. We're gonna support whatever you want to do because that's what family does. If this is something you want you should go for it." Judd’s quiet for a moment contemplating his next words. He reaches over, squeezing TK's shoulder, making him look at him. "You don't have to do everything exactly like your dad did. You have a family that loves you and supports you, and if he's too stupid to see that, that's on him. You have to do what makes you happy, bud. And if medical is what's gonna do it, then I say go for it."

TK nods, taking in Judd's words. "Think you could sneak me an application just in case?" TK asks him with a sly grin.

"Yea… yea of course. Think it over, but you've always got our support," Judd says squeezing TK's shoulder one more time before heading inside. And if he decides to detour by Owen's office to give him a piece of his mind, then TK doesn't have to know. TK sits there for another minute before going to find the rest of the team to see what their thoughts are on this development.

He finds the rest of them in the kitchen. He jumps up on the counter, grabbing some chips to snack on as they hear footsteps coming down the stairs. Pearce has his bag over his shoulder, and says his goodbyes. "And another one bites the dust. Man Vega's got them dropping like flies over there," Paul chuckles.

"Must be tough," Mateo chimes in.

Before TK thinks it through he opens his mouth, "She's tough. So is the job. It was… um.. it was pretty exciting though," he says with a grin and a shrug jumping off the counter.

"You should get his paycheck for this week and yours," Marjan says as Mateo chimes in, "Yea you were a badass out there."

TK chuckles as he shakes his head at Mateo's enthusiasm. "Thanks guy," he says bashfully. "I uh… I wanted to ask you all something." He notices three sets of eyes fall on him immediately, and he can't help but nervously chew on his bottom lip. "I uh… Judd and I were talking just a bit ago…. And I just… I wanted to see…"

"Yes," Paul says before TK can even finish, making the other two look at him strange. He gives them a shrug and a smirk having already figured out where TK was going with this. "That's not fair," comes from Marjan, and "Let him finish," from Mateo making Paul and TK both chuckle.

Paul's unwavering support gave TK the boost he needed to spit it out. "I wanted to see how you all would feel or what you all would think if I applied for Vega's open position. Judd seemed to think it was a good idea, but I don't want to… I don't want to mess this up," he says gesturing between the four of them.

"Yes," Paul says again as the other two appear to be in shock. TK turns to them biting at his lip as Paul clears his throat and shoots them a look.

"TK I think you would be amazing at it," Marjan says squeezing his arm. Mateo is the only one not to say anything until Marjan nudges him. "Yea.. You'd be great at it TK. I wasn't kidding when I said you were badass today."

"Are you sure?" TK asks, getting three nods in return. "Aren't you worried about this changing things?" He asks them gesturing between them once more.

"No," Paul and Marjan say at the same time. "We're all still a part of the same house. We're all still gonna hang out at Carlos's. We're still family TK. That will never change," Paul finishes getting agreement from the other two.

"Thanks guys," he says with that bashful grin again. "I wanna talk to Carlos first, but I think I really want this."

"Vega will be lucky to have you," Marjan says. They all three converge on him for a hug before Paul gets called away and shift ends. When TK grabs his bag, he sees the application Judd must have slipped in there and smiles. He tells his team bye, barely gets goodbye out to his dad, before he's heading towards home, to Carlos's.

Carlos was just finishing up dinner when he hears the key in the door and his boyfriend walks in. "Hey babe," TK calls, dropping his duffle at the door and kicking his shoes off.

"Don't think you're out of the doghouse," Carlos says trying to be gruff, but he opens his arms to TK for a hug and a kiss.

"You heard?" TK says cocking his head to the side and scrunching his nose adorably.

"Did I hear that my boyfriend went jumping through a minefield?" Carlos asks with a contemplative look. "Yes… yes of course I did because the bomb squad couldn't quit talking about it."

TK pouts and Carlos just finds it too adorable. He gives TK a soft kiss as he squeezes him gently. "Did I also hear that said boyfriend saved two kids' lives and was a total badass about it? Yea I heard that too," he smiles kissing TK's scrunched nose.

"Who told you that part?" TK asks, adorably confused.

"Judd sent me a text while they were watching y'all jump through the field. Then he let me know you were fine and had done a stellar job."

TK gives him a bashful smile finally letting Carlos get back to plating their dinner. "Yea it was pretty cool," TK says, getting two glasses of tea as Carlos brings their food to the table. "I uh… I haven't felt that good on a call in a long time," TK says barely meeting Carlos's eyes. He has the support of his team, but he's still nervous about telling Carlos what he wants.

"Yea? That had to make for a good day then right?" Carlos asks, picking up on TK's nerves but not pushing him.

"Mmmm yea," TK says with a nod as he digs into the delicious as always food. "That part of the day was good. The rest…." He trails off with a shrug.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Eh… dad just made some comment that hurt," TK says shrugging it off.

"TK your feelings are valid no matter what he says, you know that right?" Carlos asks, laying his hand over TK's. He knows TK and Owen have their spells where Owen won't listen and makes TK feel unheard and insignificant. But he wants TK to know it's ok to feel what he feels and to voice those feelings.

"Judd said the same thing," TK says, finally meeting his eyes.

"Then maybe you should start believing it," Carlos smiles.

"Yea… and then the call today. It just…. It got me thinking," TK says pushing his plate away and climbing into Carlos's lap straddling him. He wants the comfort of being close to his boyfriend.

"Yea? Thinking about what?" Carlos asks, wrapping his arms around TK’s waist.

"What I really wanna do. Today was so invigorating and I felt really good about it. I felt confident and sure of myself. Something I haven't felt on the job since New York. And I talked it over with Judd and the rest of the crew, and I think…" he trails off biting his lip. Carlos rubs his back and softly kisses his lips to get him to stop biting it. "I think I want to apply to Captain Vega's open paramedic position."

Carlos gives him a soft smile and softly kisses his forehead. "I think with that big caring amazing heart of yours that you will make an amazing paramedic," Carlos murmurs.

"Yea?"

"Yes baby. I think you would rock at it."

TK lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding as he lights up. "Would you maybe wanna help me type up this resume then?" TK grins toying with the buttons on Carlos's polo. "I mean I can do it, but I'd…"

Carlos kisses him to interrupt him. "Yes. I will," he grins.

They finish dinner, and Carlos clears the plates as TK gets his laptop. They type out TK's resume for the paramedic application, and Carlos is honestly impressed. He already knew TK had been on the job straight from high school, but he didn't realize what great scores TK had on his tests or how many commendations of Valor he had already racked up. "Baby this is impressive," Carlos says in awe.

TK blushes and shrugs him off. "Captain Vega is going to be lucky to have you," Carlos says kissing TK's forehead. "You said you talked to the team, so what did your dad say?" Carlos asks. He knows TK said Owen had made a hurtful comment and he's trying not to push TK, but he is curious.

"I haven't told him," TK says with a shrug. Carlos wrinkles his forehead at that, setting the laptop on the coffee table and pulling TK into his lap.

"I see. Do you wanna tell me what happened?" Carlos asks him softly. TK bites his lip before recounting the conversation with Owen earlier and what Judd told him. TK can feel Carlos's anger, and he runs his hands through Carlos's curls to try and calm him. Carlos takes a couple deep breaths knowing this is about TK, not him.

"TK, I'm going to agree with Judd on this one. I know sometimes your dad speaks before he thinks, and I don't like how he makes you feel insignificant and unimportant. Because you are the most important person and you deserve to feel how you feel. I get why you don't want to tell him, but he's going to find out and you're gonna have to talk at some point."

Carlos runs his hand up and down TK's back, "But no matter what, I'm going to support you, and I'm going to love you, and I'm always going to be here no matter what. This is your home too, and you’re my life. I never want you questioning where you belong ever again."

He reaches up and wipes TK's tears. "I think you're going to make an amazing paramedic, and if you need help coming up with what to say to your dad, then I'm here. Whatever you need," Carlos says as TK dives in for a hard passion filled kiss.

"I love you too Carlos, so much," TK murmurs as he snuggles his face into Carlos's neck. They eventually make it to bed with TK feeling confident in his choice to apply. He hopes Vega will accept it because now that he's set his mind to it, he really wants it. He knows he's going to have to talk to his dad at some point, but for now he falls asleep in his boyfriend's arms, happy and secure in his choice.

#tarlos #tarlos fic #911 lone star #911 lone star fic #911 lone star coda fic #tk x carlos #writers life #for max #maxs birthday fic #brother fic #fire fam fic #tk needs a hug #and support #tk becomes a paramedic

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vaindumbass · 3 years

Text

The ministry is good for one (1) thing... getting Tonks a date

‘Why-’ Tonks says to the head that is currently sticking out of her fireplace, ‘Why did you ask me for this job.’

Charlie doesn’t even hesitate before answering. ‘Because you speak French fluently, and because you love me and therefore couldn’t say no.’

Mentally, Tonks curses out the Black family and their fucked up traditions. Why French, of all things? Then she corrects herself and blames her mother instead, for keeping this particular tradition. Couldn’t she have gone hunting when she was ten, instead? Bella always thought that was great fun.

Out loud, she replies. ‘I could’ve said no. If I wanted to.’

‘So you want to do this? Good to hear! You can always thank me later, a gift basket would be nice-’

Tonks scoffs at Charlie’s way too wide grin, a laugh threatening to crack out on her face too. ‘You know what, Charlie?’

‘What?’ he says, smugly, as if he’s won.

‘You weren’t completely wrong. I couldn’t have said no.’

‘I know.’

‘You were wrong about one thing, though.’

The fire crackles as Charlie cocks his head. ‘Well?’

Tonks pulls her face into something sad and melancholic to the best of her ability, and looks dramatically into the distance. ‘I don’t love you.’

Charlie’s gasp is loud enough that Tonks almost fears that he’ll douse the flames, somehow. ‘How dare you! Was all this…. a lie?’ After he has stared morosely into the flames for a while, though, he asks: ‘But seriously, babe, what is it?’

The back of Tonks’ shoulders itches a little now that they aren’t joking anymore, and she feels a bit too closely scrutinized. ‘It’s not that bad, okay? You don’t have to look so worried.’

Charlie still looks worried.

‘It’s just- remember how you asked me so that I could translate what she would say?’

‘Sure.’

‘Well, since she’s here partially to improve her English, she told me that I wasn’t really needed.’

‘Okay.’ Charlie says, ‘And?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You wouldn’t be bothered this much by that. I know you, can’t fool me.’

‘Okay so I may have-’

‘May have or you did?’

Tonks ignores him, words spilling out of her. ‘I may have spilled my coffee on her. And she’s so fucking pretty, Charlie, and confident, which I’m apparently attracted to?’

‘There we go,’ He mutters under his breath. Tonks isn’t done.

‘And she doesn’t sugarcoat stuff, you know? So logically I know that she means it when she says that it’s okay, and that she doesn’t mind me ruining her clothes, but what if she secretly hates me now?’

‘Mhm.’

‘She was perfectly kind, though, and have I mentioned how good-looking she is? Name is Fleur, by the way, and sure looks aren’t everything, I change mine on the daily, but the way she looks when she smiles… Only, there’s no excuse for me to stay around her, anymore, and now I’ll never see her again, and she’ll only remember me as that horrible person who ruined her day.’

Charlie’s laugh rings around the room, warm and comfortable, and some ash gets on the carpet when he finally decides to just step out of the fireplace. ‘I’m going to have to stop you there, babe. You’re not just here to speak the language of love-’ After these words, there’s a horrible eyebrow wiggle, and Tonks makes and even weirder face back, just because she can. ‘- but also to show her around!’

‘I don’t even work here anymore! It really is weird that you couldn’t find anyone else who speaks French. I mean- Sirius does?’

‘Yes,’ Charlie responds, while walking around in her house in that comfortable way of his, easily settling down on her couch, ‘because I know Sirius so much better than I know you.’

Tonks lifts up his legs so that there is some space for her to sit, and then keeps one hand curled around his ankle, the other gesturing wildly, almost hitting the lamp that stands near. ‘I don’t know! You both like animals, right?’

‘You know very well that Sirius has adopted a hippogriff. Now, if it’d been a dragon-’

‘Fair enough,’ Tonks says, because while she loves Charlie’s ranting there’s still one topic she’d like clarity on, ‘But still, aren’t there people who speak French and, like, actually work at the ministry?’

Charlie purses his lips. ‘Maybe. But while I am very aro ace I still have eyes and she’s indeed very pretty, and you are very single, so-’

He can’t even finish the sentence before Tonks has thrown a pillow at him. He throws one back, of course, and soon enough they’re two adults in a full-on pillow war, laughing up and until Tonks accidentally punches Charlie in the face.

She gets him some ice and then they just cuddle on the couch for a bit, legs intertwined, and as Charlie tells her about the proper way to clip a dragon’s toenails, she gets a feeling as if she might just be able to handle the whole Fleur thing.

~~~

Tonks is not able to handle the whole Fleur thing.

They don’t spill their coffee again, they’re trying to be careful now, but she’s already confusing departments, and accidentally pressing all the buttons in the lift, which isn’t really appreciated by anyone.

Fleur just laughs at that. ‘How did you press all of them?’

‘I was-’ Tonks stammers, ‘I was trying to hold on to something so I wouldn’t fall.’

‘Why not hold on to me?’ Fleur asks, a thick French accent coating her words, and Tonks just stares for a while. Is this flirting? Is it a joke that Tonks is simply too dumb to get? Should they respond to this with ‘but then I wouldn’t have fallen for you’ and some finger guns?

Tonks only knows the answer to that last one (it’s ‘no’, in case that wasn’t clear). ‘It’s- erm- I mean-’

Fleur just smiles at them in a way that Tonks wishfully thinks might be flirtatious. Tonks is suddenly very glad blushes don’t really show up on their dark skin.

A voice calls out ‘Department of Magical Games and Sports’ and Tonks and Fleur get out, because this was the next part of the tour.

Fleur, her eyes lingering on the various posters hung on the walls, says, ‘Aren’t people here supposed to be impartial? This must be inefficient.’

‘For sure,’ Tonks says, never one to defend the ministry, ‘it’s all a bit shoddy, as if it’s taped together with duct tape.’ (They very carefully pronounce that last word. Who knows, maybe muggle knowledge will impress Fleur?)

‘Then why do you work for it?’

A laugh curls Tonks lips. ‘I don’t! Me and Moody, that’s my old mentor, have opened a sort of private detective office.’

They aren’t even walking through the corridor anymore. One quidditch poster (The Chudley Cannons) is slightly crinkled where Fleur’s shoulder is leaning on it. She throws a bit of her long blonde hair over her shoulder. ‘Then why are you giving me a tour here?’

With a bit of a crooked grin, Tonks answers: ‘Like I said, a bit shoddy.’

Tonks likes the fact that they’re talking now, likes it very much, and therefore they try to lean on the wall just as casually as Fleur does, but they miscalculate, and the ground suddenly comes at them with an alarming speed.

‘Watch out!’ Fleur says, from somewhere very, very close, a flowery smell suddenly surrounding them. One of Fleur’s arms is around their upper arm, the other one curled around their waist. Fleur is very warm. Coincidentally, so are Tonks’ cheeks.

They get up quickly, trying not to elbow Fleur, avoiding eye contact just a little bit. ‘When you said I could hold on to you, I didn’t think I’d need it this quickly.’

Fleur snorts. ‘I am not all too surprised, honestly.’

‘That’s fair,’ Tonks' heart is still beating wildly.

There’s a bit of a silence, and Tonks wrecks their brain for something to talk about. They don’t want this to be over just yet. Luckily, Fleur speaks up.

‘How is being a metamorphmagus? I am part-Veela, and I know other magical beings are immune for that, but I do not know much more. What do you change most often?’

‘My hair,’ Tonks laughs, raking a hand through it (short and a deep blue today), ‘It’s partly apart from my body, in a way, so it takes a bit more effort to change, but once it’s a different colour it stays that way without any effort.’

Fleur cocks her head. ‘It takes effort to change?’

‘For sure. Not all that much, but if I change too much for too long I get a headache. I would never change my skin tone, but if I did I’d get really grouchy, most probably. Oh! And I sometimes change my nose and such as a party trick.’

‘Sounds fun,’ Fleur says, a smile playing on her lips. Tonks seriously considers changing their nose into the one of that squid in the cartoon Hermione showed her, before realizing that that wouldn’t impress Fleur, but rather the opposite.

‘It is! But I get tired if I do it too much. That’s also why, on days that gender is-’ Tonks makes a vague hand gesture, ‘- I sometimes wear a binder, because while I can make my chest flatter, sometimes I’ll be concentrating on some work and suddenly, bam!’ They mimick an explosion in front of their chest, pushing their hands forward.

Fleur snickers. ‘Poor you.´ That sounds like the end of the conversation, but Tonks has finally had enough time to get their brain to work again, and they’ve come up with a new topic.

‘So, what are you here for?’

‘Did you not get that information?’ (Tonks had never said it was a good topic)

‘No, I did, but I thought you might be able to explain it better?’

‘Oh.’ Fleur says, ‘well, I am looking into the practical applications of magic, but specifically on magical creatures. Dragons, for example, can be lured to sleep with a sleeping charm, but can resist most hexes without any effort.

‘Giants, who can also resist hexes, can easily resist a sleeping charm, but curses can seriously harm them, and that’s already fascinating, but I’m going to look into what effects other kinds of magic have, outside of wizardry, starting with Veela magic, because I happen to possess that, and that's not even talking about how that magic works. Only female Veela have any sort of non-wixard magical power, but the magic is not stored in the uturus as one might think, because I do not have one, but still have magic. How does the magic know that?’

Fleur had been talking slowly and deliberately ever since Tonks had met her, as if she was weighing the words, remembering the pronunciation, but now she talks faster, a flush on her cheeks.

‘But I'm getting of topic. I will mostly work with stuff like: why does Veela magic affect unicorns but not dragons? Why does it affect giants but not metamorphmagi? And if it doesn’t affect metamorphmagi, then why do you still get so flustered?’

‘I-’ Tonks says, ‘Erm-’

‘Do not worry,’ Fleur says, smiling ever-so-slightly, ‘I think I know the answer. Would you like to go on a date with me?’

Honestly, Tonks didn’t think a dingy corner lined with quidditch posters could ever be romantic, but Fleur makes it work, with the soft lighting on her cheek, and that fucking gorgeous smile on her lips. ‘Yes,’ they answer (was there ever another option?), ‘I’d like that very much.’

In a sudden rush of courage (what are they, a gryffindor?) they ask: ‘Can I kiss you?’

Fleur nods, and they discover that yes, Fleur’s smile tastes as wonderful as it looks.

#flonks #in my timezone its still femslash february so im saying it counts #even tho this isnt completely FEMslash yall get what i mean #fleur delacour #nymphadora tonks #charlie weasley #to anyone wondering: yes this is what prompted the 'charlie weasley calls his friends 'babe'' post #and im right!!!!#oneshot #mywriting #i took hp lore and RAN with it #fleur is just so smart tho.... that deserves its own place #and moody and tonks ruining a private detectives business is actually something that can be so personal-#also just so yall know charlie doesnt work for the ministry EITHER the reason why he could still get tonks the job is. well.#its explained in the story

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