#today has been a rollercoaster of mental health.

[jinniebit]

….

#I think I need to go back to therapy kdnshdnsj my metal health has been such a rollercoaster jfjsjdmsjd #even the lil of the things can completely ruin my day and nothing can fix it …. #like today.. I woke up okay.. feeling ‘normal’ and then I saw that I forgot to schedule my sr of the night and Bam I start to feel bad #and suddenly nothing works…. #not to mention that I have been really hating my job…. and when I think about quitting I can’t think of anything I want to do next… #I just have been so tired…. it’s been more than a year since I took a vacation…. #and because of contractual issues I can’t even think about getting a vocation until December 🥲 #so yeah I’m really tired physically and mentally….. #and the people at work are also so SO tiring idkshd they are never satisfied with ANYTHING!! #the people on my department are angels and is just for them that I’m still here but the others are just THE WORST #and I’m just so TIRED 😭😭😭😭 #you know that saying ‘money can’t buy us happiness’ this never felt so real to me…. #I’ve been the best financially I ever been kfjsjdj and I’ve been buying stuff like I’ve never thought O could buy and feel happy about #but in the next day I feel miserable again…. #I just genuinely don’t know what happiness is anymore kfnskfjs I just feel lile crying every day jsjdjsjd #I don’t even know if any of this tags made sense I just needed to rent somewhere….. #just don’t mind me being weird because I don’t even understand myself sometimes nfjdmdjdmd

[softlyspector]

So, today I turn 26. Forgive me, I'm going to be a little nostalgic and sappy below the cut about age and you all and fanfiction.

tw: mental health issues, please don't feel obligated to read this

I turn 26 today, and I'm feeling very nostalgic and odd about it. I've never had a good relationship with my birthday. Mainly because every year, I think, really? Again?

In all honesty, I never thought I would make it this far. I never planned to get this old (and I am aware that I'm not old). But a large part of who I am and my continued existence, is because of this blog.

Even when the world was loud and things were bad, I could always come here.

Some of you have been here for nearly the whole time I've been writing. While I've never been particularly open about what's going on in my life, you've all gotten me through a lot. The characters I write for sure, but more than that you all and the interactions I get to have with you.

So, I just wanna say thanks. Especially to those of you that have stayed through the rollercoaster of new interests in the last year, and allowing me to explore them.

I know some loved this blog because it was only Bucky all the time. In that was my safe space for a long time, because it was familiar. I couldn't even branch out into new media because it was too uncertain. Starting a new show or movie literally gave me debilitating anxiety.

While I've still have a lot of issues and things I'm working though, and found out some horrible things from my mother about my childhood, I'm much better at working through that than I ever have been.

A lot of that has to do with you all, and the attitudes around mental health. I've learned a lot from all of you. I've learned how to be kinder and gentler, I've learned how to stand up for myself and others and that silence is never okay.

I started writing when I was 19 and a freshman in college. I was anxious and depressed. I was scared. I was in therapy because the suicidal ideation had reached a peak. I was miserable as an undergrad, I hated the jobs I had, and nothing seemed worth it.

And then, I started writing. First, letters to people that I would never send. Then, fiction, at the behest of my therapist. It wasn't good. It was dark and mean. I realized I wasn't just hurt, I was angry.

But I've never known how to be angry, not really. I was never allowed.

And then I started writing fanfiction. And in those little worlds, no matter what else was happening, there was always someone who was kind and understanding, someone who got it.

And when I started posting (and I realize how stupid this sounds) I realized based on reactions that I was not the only person who needed that, who sought it out, and who understood me even if they didn't realize they did.

It gave me a reason to keep going. Writing and knowing that someone would read it and identify with it, kept me going.

Now, I'm 26. I've moved abroad, made friends with people I would have never met otherwise. I'm getting my masters degree in something that's really important to me. I've gotten to travel to places I was convinced I'd never see because I couldn't see past the next month, let alone the next couple of years.

And although I still have lows and highs, and plenty of undiagnosed issues, I feel like I can handle it. The weight isn't as heavy as it used to be.

Not to get too preachy about it, but don't do it like I did, if you're struggling. Talk to people, let others help you shoulder it. Only inadvertently did I do that through this blog and I can never be thankful enough.

I love all of you, truly from the very bottom of my heart I do.

I wanted to be upset about turning 26, but I just can't manage it. I never thought I'd get this far.

#bec talks #im going to be so embarrassed about this in a couple of hours.

[thespectacularspider-girl]

Retiring this Blog

So yes, I’m retiring this blog as of right now. I will be turning off the ability to send asks, messages or submissions. The queue is empty so you will not be seeing any more posts after today.

Why am I retiring? Mostly for mental health. I felt like nine years of political discourse has not done me much good. I have clinical depression and I’ve been making progress in combating it but this blog has not helped overall. I found that the constant inquiry about political discussion, getting into arguments, etc, made my mood deteriorate. Even worse, when my mood was already in bad shape, I’d find myself tempted to engage in discourse as a distraction. This might work in the short term but in the long term this only did damage to me.

For a few weeks I was focusing on my art and other creative work and I found that I was genuinely happy with my life during that time. And when politics came knocking again, I found myself splashed with cold water and miserable again. That feeling of being dragged backwards is what spurred this decision.

I want to focus on the things that make me happy; game design, writing and artwork. That is what I’m going to do. Maybe, one day in the distant future, I might come back and this blog might revive. But I can’t promise that.

Since I announced my intent, I’ve been flooded with numerous comments and messages from people who wanted to thank me or wish me luck. Honestly, it’s been overwhelming to experience, and this week has been an emotional rollercoaster for me, having realized I’ve had an impact on so many people. I never really expected to be worthy of such an outpouring.

To everyone who supported me, who wished me well, who worried about my wellbeing and who made me laugh, thank you so much. It wasn’t all bad, lots of my time here was good. And that’s solely based on the people who followed me and who I surrounded myself with. I made friends here who I don’t think I can ever give up.

I just want everyone to know how grateful I am for being part of your experience. I recognized so many of you over the years, seeing the same people in the notes or in my inbox. I remember all the running jokes made about me, good and bad, and I hope at least some managed to make you laugh.

I know that it might seem like a story without a conclusion. I know people have followed me for a long time, wanting to see how it all turns out. I’m sorry that I’m closing this book without any definite answers. I wish I could have posted one day that I got to move and be out of the closet, to heal and recover, but it hasn’t happened yet. You will just have to hope that things turn out better for me. That’s all you can you and all I can do, really.

If there’s one thing I can ask of all of you reading this, it’s this; Please take care of yourself. Find the things you find joy in and do them. Life is too short to have it be spent in misery and anger. Don’t let the negativity consume you because it helps nobody and only serves to damage you. Appreciate what you have and cherish the things you take for granted.

Thank you, again, to everyone. You’ve turned something I was sad to do into something I won’t ever forget. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Take care of yourselves, everyone.

Goodbye.

[rz-jocelyn]

hello! what did Sato Ryuji mean when he said that a character he had the hardest time shaking off was Uchiha Sasuke?

Hiya! :D

Thank you very much for the Ask! It was quite the rollercoaster of emotions for me looking back at how much of himself Ryuji has given to the character of Sasuke over the years ♥

A role he won through a long and hard audition process (9 hours), Sato Ryuji considers Uchiha Sasuke to be one of the milestone characters that has played an important part in who he is today, something which he talked at length about as recently as the stage pamphlet for the "Live Spectacle NARUTO ~Ninkai Taisen, Kaisen~" (2022). 

As of this post, he has given 7 years of his life to playing Sasuke (he is one of the starting cast members who has been in the franchise since 2015), and will have played Sasuke for 8 years by 2023 with his participation confirmed for the final stage play in the "Live Spectacle NARUTO".

In the documentary-style show "Sato Ryuji 'Ryu'", Ryuji also talked about having a similar personality with Sasuke and being able to empathise with Sasuke, commenting on how Sasuke has become something like "his other self". In fact, he is so comfortable playing Sasuke that he can switch to being Sasuke with a snap of his fingers.

To watch "Sato Ryuji 'Ryu'", please refer to the link: HERE

But, this also means that it is easy for the character of Sasuke to bleed into his personal life.

In the past, Sato Ryuji has talked about how the characters he played influenced his emotions even in his personal life, so he would generally be cheerier if he played a brighter character or moodier if he played a darker character.

With Sasuke being one of Ryuji's darkest characters, having a hatred, anger and sadness that is deeper than any other character he's played, this had a huge influence on Ryuji, especially during the times when he had difficulty switching the character "off" even when he wasn't acting.

In an interview for the "Live Spectacle NARUTO ~Uzumaki Naruto Monogatari~", when he was asked about how Sasuke's pain affected him, Ryuji said this:

"Speaking of pain, the separation from Team Seven and the Hidden Leaf Village in first production was the hardest on me emotionally and the most painful. It was the most painful in terms of the contents [of the story], and at the time, I was also bad at switching off and on when I was in the heat of my emotions, and it bled even into my private life, [so] my mental health wasn't very good (laughs). It was a period in my life where it was [really] painful for me, physically and mentally."

While he has become better at mentally switching "off", even now, Ryuji continues to push himself to the physical limit when he performs as Sasuke in the "Live Spectacle NARUTO". Ryuji was fully prepared for the risk of death when he performed in the "Live Spectacle NARUTO" for the first time in 2015/2016 with Suga Kenta (who plays Gaara) commenting on how he felt like Ryuji had the most to do during the stage play.

In recent times, the "Live Spectacle NARUTO ~Ninkai Taisen, Kaisen~" came right after Ryuji had sustained an injury during the action and stunt-heavy "'Jujutsu Kaisen' The Stage" due to stress and fatigue where he was sent to the hospital for treatment with Kimisawa Yuki (who plays Hatake Kakashi) and Rachi Shinji (who plays Uchiha Itachi) expressing their worry for him publicly on their Twitter accounts.

Their Tweets can be found below.

Kimisawa Yuki's Tweet: HERE

Rachi Shinji's Tweets: HERE, HERE and HERE

In conclusion, when Ryuji said that the character he had the hardest time shaking off was Sasuke, he was referring to how the character of Sasuke would bleed into his personal life and how he had a hard time switching the character "off". Looking at his relationship with Sasuke, we can see how Sasuke has influenced his life over the years that Ryuji has played him.

#Live Spectacle NARUTO #Narusute #NARUTO #Sato Ryuji #Uchiha Sasuke #About Sato Ryuji #Lyn Translates

[seresinhangmanjake]

🍄⭐🪻🌺🍀

🍄 what is something that’s happened in your life that you wish you could go back and change?

You know, I really don't know. The things that come to mind were important lessons for me to learn and very much shaped who I am today, but I'm good with who I am today. I've been through my fair share and while those circumstances have caused me pain and have held me back in some areas where many people thrive, in other ways, they've put me ahead of many people in some areas that eventually everyone has to face or experience, if that makes sense. It was a bit of a trade-off, but I'm better for it.

⭐️ what is one of your biggest accomplishments? Why is it so important to you?

Well, my B.A. for one thing. Because of all my mental health issues, it took me ten years to finish, even though I started taking courses at sixteen. It was hard for me to cope with starting earlier than most people and then finishing so far behind the original date I was supposed to graduate. I just finished this past summer.

🪻what is the toughest thing you had to go through, but can say you’ve successfully overcome?

Wrapping my head around being bipolar and figuring out the right meds I needed. I was diagnosed at sixteen and had so much anxiety that as a junior in high school I went to the office every single day and called my mother crying and begging her to pick me up. The medication struggles took seven years to sort out. I was 23 when I found meds that worked for me, and at the same time, I decided to tackle the realities of my childhood and early twenties in therapy. That combination of meds and therapy made my life 180.

🌺 what is the best gift someone has ever given you and why is it so important

This is going to sound so fucking weird, but I'll be honest here. My mom and I have said for four years that the best gift my dad ever gave me was dying. I loved my dad, but not until he died did I recognize that I had so much to sort out in therapy. He was so messed up and was a really good representation of someone who could've been so much more. He was an ENT surgeon and eventually turned into a hoarder who never left his house, abused his mental health meds, and drugged out every couple of weeks from the time I was three. When he was out of it, I wouldn't be able to get ahold of him, so I grew up on the emotional rollercoaster of thinking my dad was dead every two to three weeks. If he didn't call us in seven or so days to say he was back to normal, my mom would actually have to break into his house to make sure he was still alive or to call an ambulance, or whatever. Twenty years later, that actually is how he died. So there was a lot that I thought I had a handle on that I didn't think I needed to sort through but I was so so wrong. I think I felt some guilt about talking about it when he was still alive, but talking about it in therapy changed my life. So yea, in its way, it was a gift.

🍀 what is your comfort show/series and why is it your comfort show? How has it helped you?

I Love Lucy, 100%. I used to watch it with my dad, but I just became obsessed with it. Years ago when I was not doing well mentally, I would tell myself that regardless of how I felt and what was going on in my life 'there would always be Lucy.' I could put it on and feel a bit better.

[sexualrevoluti0n]

Y'know what, I'm really fucking angry with my ex tonight and I can't sleep because of it so I'm gonna write some of it out here in the hopes that it'll get it out of my mind so I can rest. It's just a big long vent so feel free to scroll by.

He said that he'd left because my mental health was too much for him, which has pissed me off more because when things were really bad I told him I wanted to admit myself as an inpatient to get help because that really helped me in the past and I was having constant flashbacks at that point, and he convinced me not to go. He said he wouldn't be able to cope without me, he wouldn't be able to manage in the house on his own (for like a couple of weeks, seriously?!) and that it wasn't that bad, that we didn't need to resort to that. He stopped me from being help before things got to a crisis point, and then when a few months later they got to that stage because I had no support (and he'd told me multiple times that he didn't want to hear about my mental health struggles so I had no support from him) he acted like he couldn't have seen any of this coming and I was just too much for him to handle and such a burden. When he actively prevented me from getting help and getting better before it got to that stage!

He came round this week to bring some of my things back but forgot basically all of the things. Acted shocked at the amount of his stuff that's still here - it would take multiple car loads to take all his stuff and furniture he's left.

Not to mention that he then spent the whole time he was here this week telling me how hard this all is for him, how awful he feels for leaving me because of my mental health, what a monster and a terrible human being he must be, all woe is me, everyone hates me, no one has spoken to me in months, let me emotionally dump all my current mental health struggles and suicidal ideation on you without asking if you have capacity for this when this is exactly the reason I'm saying I left you. I got forced into the comfort and rescue role once again, and he spent the whole time telling me that I was wrong, that the reason people weren't taking to him had nothing to do with the fact that he hadn't tried to talk to any of them in 5 or 6 months and was actually because everyone hates him. I spent sooo long trying to say that friendships work both ways, and that people often assume a friend is busy if they don't hear from them, and that doesn't necessarily mean they hate you. He said he was really hurt that he hadn't been hanging out or speaking with any friends when I had, and when I said that I'd been actively reaching out and arranging things with people regularly since he moved out he just kept telling me that it had nothing to do with that and that he's just such a terrible unlikeable person and none of those people are his friends, and how I knew so-and-so first actually so they're my friends not his, and it was just. So. Fucking. Exhausting. I'd said that I thought if some of his friends knew he wanted to hang out then they'd probably be up for doing something with him, but he was adamant that under no condition would he reach out or try to talk to anyone because they all hated him and he deserved it etc etc, literally went on so much about that and that he would not speak to anyone. Messaged me later saying he'd looked on Facebook and it just made him sad so he'd never go on again 🙄

And then today it turns out he's posted on facebook saying that he misses hanging out with friends and wants to see them. Just. Ffs dude. Stop being a fucking hypocrite.

He messaged me saying we still need to sort out rent. I've been busting my ass constantly chasing estate agent and landlord to change the tenancy and he has done fuck all about anything this entire time. There's no we, it's just me doing everything, like it was our entire relationship. All of the mental load, running everything in the entire household as well as managing his constant rollercoaster depression that he refused to ever get help for, and when he did try counselling he would stop the second he started feeling slightly less bad, and not actually follow through until he was properly stable and functional.

I'm pissed off because my mental health was doing really well before we got together, but his depressive episodes always lasted so long and he would never speak to friends or family about it so I was the only support, and I gradually got worse and worse myself from only ever hearing the most pessimistic answers to everything, so that I started to think that way myself. Because what was the point of trying to help him when I'd be told everything I said to help was wrong, that nothing would ever change, there was no point to anything but that that was just normal and how life was and that there was no point trying to change anything. Hearing that constantly for so fucking long.

I'd just got to the point where I was finally stable and happy and not having flashbacks again and had come off all my meds and was finally starting to enjoy life again when he decided that actually, after 5 years of me having to be monogamous with him because he was too anxious to be ok with me being polyam (which he knew when we got together and said was fine with but changed his tune once he actually saw me being interested in acting) that actually he was totally poly cause this cute person liked him, and we didn't need to have any conversations ever about what we wanted from this new relationship, no we didn't need to know what anyone's boundaries were, but oh sorry he forgot he promised to pick me up from the station cause he was taking to the other partner! oh he forgot he'd told me he was back from this partner's today and that I was waiting for him before making dinner, he wasn't actually back til late on Tuesday, but he feels sooo bad about this he's such a terrible person. oh he forgot we had plans tonight, he was too excited and planned a thing with the new partner, oh he forgot we had a party with friends doing all his favourite things this weekend, he was going to visit the new partner instead. You're feeling left out and like you're second best? I don't understand why would feel like that, you don't need to be jealous it's poly, no one's more important. Oh by the way it's been 6 weeks and me and the new partner are getting handfasted and talking about living together. There's no reason to be anxious it's not important it's all in your head, I love you both equally. I don't know why you want to talk about what we all want from relationships, we don't need to do all of that. You don't need to be uptight or worried. Yes fine sure let's have a talk about boundaries around sex when we're in the same house. But actually me and them are just gonna fuck anytime we want in any room and not have the discussion we promised, screw your boundaries. Idgaf that you've been waiting the whole two weeks our partner is here for this conversation to happen and have not been initiating anything sexual and turning down advances until you knew what everyone was comfortable with. We don't care about what anyone else apart from the two of us want. Of course you're still important. Actually your insecurity is getting really difficult to deal with. You need to get help to stop being so jealous.

#vent #personal #relationship #relationships #ex #polyam #breakup #breakups #mental health #mistreatment

[arwenkenobi48]

Life Update

Trigger warning: Depression and suicidal thoughts

Apologies for my absence for the past few days. A very bad depressive episode hit me at full force. Earlier today I was experiencing suicidal thoughts again. But luckily I managed to reach out to a crisis relief team who’s going to check up on me tomorrow and make sure that I’m ok.

My job application was unfortunately rejected from one of the places I sent it to, but another organisation scheduled an online interview with me today and despite everything, I managed to attend it. It wasn’t very long and I think I did ok under the circumstances. I’ve applied for a part-time position with a mental health charity. Depending on what they think of the interview I did today, they might give me a follow-up interview and if that goes well, I may very well get this job.

The last day has been an absolute rollercoaster to say the least. I’m still a little shaken up from everything thats happened, good and bad. I’ve been plunged into a dark place and then lifted back up again almost as quickly. But I’m still here so I’m sure that counts for something. There’s also some progress regarding my birthgiver; she had been trying to stop me from claiming necessary financial support, but I think that’s going to change very soon.

There’s some days that you just have to fall away from. At least I’m glad that some good news came from it. My support worker also gave me a pep talk and reminded me that I have a lot to live for. A very kind stranger helped me out at the convenience store when my card wouldn’t work as well, so I got to have a warm bowl of mushroom stew to calm my nerves (and restocked on bubblegum soda).

I can only hope that tomorrow brings some more good news and that I’ll be able to make some more progress with things. If all goes well then I’ll be able to concentrate on my creative projects again later in the week. I’m going to be ok, I promise. The worst of the storm is definitely over, that’s for sure ❤️

#arwen speaks #tw sucidal ideation #tw depressive episode #life update #mental health

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

@themischiefoftad

It's been a hell of road and there have definitely been both highs and lows on this rollercoaster, but this arrived today so I'm feeling pretty good about life right now.

Like when I left Tumblr, I was still pretty fresh out of my BA with an uncertain future and chaotic mental health, and here I am about to graduate with my Master's, with a job letter already in pocket, and am set to basically live my weird little cottage witch dreams, doing better than I have in years.

Like don't get me wrong, it takes a truly impressive number of interventions every day to keep me that way, but they're working, and I'm stable, and I'm increasingly self-reliant with wifey being able to step back a little bit more each day from basically 24/7 care at one point (speaking of which I should refill my med pack before I forget).

I get the kind of compliments from my peers and supervisors and professors I used to DREAM about getting (actual exchange after I led a role play included a peer saying "I wish Raz was my therapist" and the FUCKING PROFESSOR chiming in with "we all wish that" like?????? 😭😭😭😭)

I continue to be my own harshest critic, but I'm learning to be kind to myself and to love the things about me that others have taught me to despise.

The hardest thing has been adjusting to life with multiple autoimmune disorders and the potential for a significantly shortened life span. It's weird to spend your chikdhood thinking you'll never even make it to 18, finally start accepting the idea of a full life in your 20s, and then suddenly learn that you might never reach 60 before your 25th. I'm 30 now, and that may be half my life, or maybe I'll manage more, no one really seems to know at this point, but I've come to grips with the idea that time is what I make of it.

I've made peace with my moms, I've lost the family I thought I'd have, I've learned that my reproductive system is entirely healthy but can't seem to ovulate, so wifey and I will probably have both bio and adopted kids someday. I've owned a home and lost it, and plan to own a home again. I've lived in cities and suburbs and backwater towns with barely enough people to be worth plotting on a map. I've intend to live every bit of time I have left without shame, and with dedication to who I am as a person, even when it's hard, and I can see the ways that's made me better.

It's cliché, but it's me. And I'm okay with that. I know who I am, and I know how to be that now without letting other people hurt me and ruin the experience.

[ankhisms]

painfully aware of how my mental and physical illnesses make it feel almost impossible for me to function or exist at all in society

yes i have a diary now yes i am still writing this here bc im not home yet. my pain in my back and neck and hip have been worse and worse lately and ive been trying to just manage it and deal with it but my mental health has also just been a rollercoaster lately where ill be fine and then ill take a nose dive and have been genuinely really seriously suicidal and close to relapsing into self harm but i thankfully havent. right now im just thinking about how much it sucks that just no matter how hard i try people can still sense that theres something off about me and that i dont act "normal" in our interactions like at the end of the audition i had to talk to this like theater manager lady and the conversation was really hard for me to follow along and get through and it was clear that she thought i was acting weird and she asked me if id be willing to do behind the scenes stuff and i said something like well i like 25 miles out of town so i cant really come for backstage stuff on short notice and she was like well can you follow instructions and i had trouble responding to that because thats a loaded question for me i do often strugglw with the instructions people give me especially in environments like work ones so i said uh within reason and she clearly thought that was a weird response. it just all makes me feel so hopeless i feel like in the past with the theater i grew up in and the other one i acted in they like... they were aware of me being strange but the directors at least didnt hold it against me or get mad at me really for being not normal because they knew i was a good actor and i worked hard and i was serious about it and passionate about it and now i feel like people just notice that im not normal and think that means that they shouldnt have me in their production. but then it hurts to also think like. well what if ive just never actually been very good at this. for such a long time acting was like the only thing i ever truly felt fully confident in myself about and the only thing i belueced in myself about ive always felt pretty insecure about my art and writing even though i love doing those things just as much as acting but with acting i always felt like it was something i was good at or at least decent at it like i got lead roles the first time i tried to go to college i got a scholarship for my acting. and now im just like. what if ive just been total shit at this this entire time. what if someones going to just tell me straight to my face that im laughably bad at this and that its pathetic and that theres no chance in hell that i can ever be a professional actor. thinking about it all now its like man. the professors at that first college i tried to go to who tormented me and told me i was too ugly to get any roles and too emotional really fucked me up i think thats where this self doubt in my acting ability is coming from. because before that whole disaster i really did feel more solidly confident in my ability. and now its like. what if i really just suck at this and no matter how much i love it and care about it and put a lot of work and thought and effort into it what if theres just no chance for me and its all impossible. anyway im just rambling now but yeah. really doubt im getting into the show i auditioned for today

#flashing warning #suicide mention #self harm mention

[chasing-rabbits]

I have had an emotional rollercoaster of things lately. Whilst I’ve had TWO really good meetings with different health professionals under my new mental health team it some how spiralled into a weekend of crying breakdowns and Sunday I just completely lost it and was struggling with thoughts of suicide. Yesterday I had an appointment I’d forgotten about with my care co-ordinator and it went really well just like Thursday’s appointment did. It’s just been a lot to take in and after such awful treatment at my last place I’ve really been struggling to let my guard down and trust. I’ve been very anxious and paranoid that I’m going to get treated just a shit all over again & if I let my guard down it could be worse when that happens because I guess in my mind sometimes it feels like its not an if but a when. I definitely need to let go of the past and move on but as they identified in my meeting yesterday I never really got closure and that’s probably a barrier to me moving past it. I also feel I was a little overwhelmed to have everything validated and to be treated with such compassion and care after multiple years of being made to feel less than human by my previous care team. It left me wanting to cry in a good way but it was also a lot to take in and it was really hard to process everything that’s happened in the past week again it was all good news yet it somehow triggered a downward spiral. Although I don’t know that it 100 caused the downward spiral because I’ve been generally unstable anyways especially since my Granddad died and after his funeral that was really tough but I do think it maybe played a role for sure in my breakdown over the weekend I guess because I got in my own head about it and got anxiety and worried that it was too good to be true. I’m feeling better today though I got to spend some quality time with my parents afterwards we went for some food and then I did my weekly shop and it was nice to get out and spend some time with them because I’d missed being able to just have some time to relax and socialise with especially my mum as opposed to me either not talking at all or us talking but me just breaking down or being irritable idk it was just nice to have time to enjoy the moment with them than just fighting fires caused by my anxiety & bpd. I also finally fixed my sleeping which I know has had a big impact on my mental health being up at night has been really shitty for my mental health so I also think that has helped me start today off on a good note plus my cats just come to give me cuddles so I’m gonna leave this vent/update for now to give him the scratches.

#erin rambles #erin talks #life update no one asked for #life update #tw suicidal thoughts mention #tw suicidal thoughts

[sugardefendersupplements]

Sugar Defender Supplements - Health

In a world where sugary temptations lurk around every corner, maintaining optimal health can be a challenge. But fear not, for there's a sweet solution on the horizon: Sugar Defender Supplements. These tiny powerhouses are revolutionizing the way we approach our sugar intake, offering a shield against its harmful effects.

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Heading 1: "The Sweet Menace: Understanding Sugar's Impact"

Sugar, once hailed as the sweet elixir of life, has now been unmasked as a silent villain wreaking havoc on our health. From weight gain to diabetes, its effects are far-reaching and insidious. But fret not, for knowledge is power, and understanding sugar's impact is the first step toward reclaiming our health.

Heading 2: "Enter the Hero: Sugar Defender Supplements"

But fear not, for every villain has its match, and in the battle against sugar, Sugar Defender Supplements emerge as the valiant heroes. Packed with a potent blend of natural ingredients, these supplements work tirelessly to regulate blood sugar levels, boost metabolism, and curb cravings, empowering you to take control of your health.

Heading 3: "The Science Behind the Shield: How Sugar Defender Works"

But how do these tiny titans achieve such remarkable feats? It all boils down to science. With ingredients like chromium, cinnamon, and alpha-lipoic acid, Sugar Defender Supplements work synergistically to stabilize blood sugar levels, improve insulin sensitivity, and promote healthy weight management, all without the crash and burn of traditional sugar-laden snacks.

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Heading 4: "Embracing a Sweet Victory: The Benefits of Sugar Defender"

But the benefits don't end there. By incorporating Sugar Defender Supplements into your daily routine, you'll not only experience improved energy levels and mental clarity but also a renewed sense of control over your cravings. Say goodbye to the sugar rollercoaster and hello to a healthier, happier you.

Heading 5: "Join the Sweet Revolution: Where to Find Sugar Defender Supplements"

Ready to take the plunge and join the sweet revolution? Sugar Defender Supplements are readily available online and in select health stores, waiting to empower you on your journey to optimal health. Don't let sugar hold you hostage any longer. Arm yourself with Sugar Defender and reclaim control of your health today.

With Sugar Defender Supplements by your side, the sweet life has never been sweeter. Say goodbye to sugar crashes and hello to a healthier, happier you.

#succession #welcome home #the mandalorian #ted lasso #super mario #taylor swift #wally darling

[trexovablog]

Meditation: The Gateway to Inner Tranquillity

In the modern world of constant change, where stress and anxiety seem to be lifelong companions, finding quiet moments becomes more and more important. Meditation offers a sanctuary amidst the chaos, allowing individuals to reconnect with themselves and attain inner harmony. Among the plethora of meditation techniques, transcendental meditation, vipassana and guided meditation stand out as powerful tools for self-discovery and personal growth.

What is Meditation?

Meditation is more than just sitting cross-legged and chanting "om." It's a practice that involves training the mind to achieve a state of focused awareness and inner calm. Whether you're seeking stress relief, clarity of mind, or spiritual growth, meditation offers a myriad of benefits.

Understanding Transcendental Meditation

Transcendental meditation (TM) is a technique that involves silently repeating a mantra to transcend ordinary thought and reach a state of pure awareness. It's like diving deep into the ocean of consciousness, where the mind experiences profound stillness and bliss. TM is renowned for its simplicity and effectiveness in promoting relaxation and reducing stress.

Delving into Vipassana Meditation

Vipassana meditation, originating from ancient Buddhist traditions, emphasizes mindfulness and insight. Unlike TM, which focuses on transcending thoughts, Vipassana encourages practitioners to observe their thoughts and sensations without judgment. Through this practice, individuals gain a deeper understanding of their inner workings and cultivate compassion and equanimity.

Exploring Guided Meditation

For those new to meditation or seeking structured guidance, guided meditation offers a gentle introduction. In guided sessions, a narrator leads participants through visualization exercises, breathing techniques and relaxation prompts. It's like having a personal tour guide through the landscapes of your mind, making meditation accessible and enjoyable for beginners.

Benefits of Meditation

1. Physical Health

Meditation isn't just good for the mind; it's beneficial for the body too. Research suggests that regular meditation practice can lower blood pressure, improve immune function and even alleviate chronic pain. 

2. Mental Well-being

In today's hectic world, mental health is more important than ever. Meditation has been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression and insomnia, promoting overall well-being and resilience. 

3. Stress Reduction

Feeling overwhelmed? Take a deep breath and meditate. Studies have demonstrated that meditation can lower cortisol levels, the hormone associated with stress, helping you feel calmer and more centered. 

4. Emotional Balance

Life is full of ups and downs, but meditation can help you navigate the emotional rollercoaster with grace. By cultivating mindfulness and self-awareness, you can respond to challenging situations with clarity and composure. 

5. Enhanced Self-awareness

Who are you, really? Meditation offers a window into the depths of your being, allowing you to explore your thoughts, emotions and beliefs with curiosity and compassion. Through self-reflection, you can uncover hidden truths and cultivate a deeper sense of authenticity.

Techniques and Practices

There are countless meditation techniques and practices to explore, from breath awareness to loving-kindness meditation. Experiment with different methods to find what resonates with you and incorporate them into your daily routine.

Establishing a Routine

Consistency is key when it comes to meditation. Set aside a dedicated time and space for your practice, whether it's first thing in the morning or before bed. By making meditation a habit, you'll reap the full benefits of this transformative practice.

Overcoming Challenges

Meditation isn't always easy, especially in the beginning. It's normal to encounter distractions, restlessness and resistance. Remember to be patient with yourself and approach your practice with kindness and curiosity.

Tips for Beginners

1. Start small: If you are uncomfortable with meditation, start out with just a few minutes a day and work your way up to longer sessions.

2. Focus on the breath: Paying attention to the rhythm of your breath can anchor your mind and cultivate presence.

3. Let go of expectations: Meditation is a journey, not a destination. Release the pressure to achieve a certain outcome and simply allow yourself to be present.

Conclusion

In a world filled with noise and distraction, meditation offers a sanctuary of stillness and peace. Whether you're drawn to the transcendental bliss of TM, the mindfulness of Vipassana, or the gentle guidance of guided meditation, there's a practice suited to your needs. Embrace the journey within and discover the transformative power of meditation.

FAQs

1. How long should I meditate each day?

The length of your meditation sessions is not as significant as regularity. Every day, start with a short period of time and add more as you feel comfortable.

2. Can I meditate lying down?

While sitting is the traditional posture for meditation, you can certainly meditate lying down if that's more comfortable for you. Just be mindful of the tendency to fall asleep!

3. Is meditation a religious practice?

While meditation has roots in various spiritual traditions, it's not inherently religious. It's a secular practice that anyone can benefit from, regardless of their beliefs.

4. How do I choose the right meditation technique for me?

Try out various methods to find the one that works for you. Trust your intuition and choose a practice that feels natural and sustainable.

5. How can I calm my mind during a meditation session?

During meditation, it's quite normal for the mind to wander. Instead of trying to suppress thoughts, simply observe them with curiosity and gently bring your focus back to your breath or mantra.

#meditation #transcendental meditation #vipassana meditation #guided meditation

[shaadelyfe]

So here we are…. the start of a new journey into the emotional rollercoaster called mental health. It is my journey but could easily be yours. It is my pain, experiences, feelings, and a critical outlet that helps me seek clarity and peace. Over the years it has been easy to hide behind the masculine front of a happy life while the stresses and demons filled my brain with unexplainable thoughts. Some good, most bad. But why? I live in a beautiful city, have an amazing wife who shows me love and support, two kids that bring so much laughter, and an overall great outlook on what’s to come. It’s something that I cannot explain, but I hope through shaade LYFE, I can try.

I think about the past couple years as a catalyst to how I landed here…on a blog…professing my deepest insecurities. As an anxious person I have always been consumed by outside feelings in various ways: the way I schedule my time and how it impacts others, how I think of rejection first, how I compare myself to others’ successes, always thinking about the “what-ifs”, the easy way outs of not being here, hiding behind addictions to numb the world, never thinking I’ll make it out of the imaginary “hole” I put myself in. I have dealt with loss. I have been down the road of suicide. I have continued a life of not feeling good enough.

That stops today. Welcome to shaade

In order to heal I have to be accountable to myself: It’s ok to be Sad. I strive for Hope. I have Anxiety. I struggle with Addiction. I combat Depression daily. I can beat Expectations.

Mental health has become such a mainstream topic today because it is unavoidable. Each of us has known someone that struggles with their outlook on life, seeks help, hides behind a smile, buries emotions in addiction, or just need a shoulder to lean on. Some of the most famous and seemingly “happy” figures today have told their stories and achieved a path forward, but many fill our news with sadness and pain as they left this world too soon.  Over time I hope further understand my mental health path to betterment through writing, conversation, and vulnerability. Having an outlet, even if nobody listens, is something that has helped me overcome past obstacles and ultimately why I’m still here. I hope that even one message or story can help someone find their own outlet and know they are and will always be “good enough”.  If you ever need help, I welcome your comments as we build this community together.

Sadness.Hope.Anxiety.Addiction.Depression.Expectations

#hope #inspiration #mens mental health #mental health #self love #shaadelyfe

[jaydinsane]

Today was an alright day, for the most part, I needed to remind myself of numerous events that I am enough and can do anything with my life right now even while on probation and struggling with mental health and addiction.

My feelings today have been a rollercoaster 🎢 from sadness to anger to calmness but all are valid when you are lost and rediscovering who you truly are. As for enforcing my boundaries, I've been not doing so great at enforcing my boundaries but that is difficult when you aren't living exactly in your own room or your own place and still living with your parents. So you can't have such high expectations of being sturdy in your boundaries I guess.

I am realizing more and more that my mood has been changing based on whether I feel like someone is discouraging me and or denying me somehow or I feel is talking to me passively aggressively in a coded manner. It's like I allow others to trigger negative memories and then I turn negative but if I read or work on things like this blog and get how I feel out there it helps a shit ton. I have to constantly remind myself that other people's opinions of me don't really matter. Even some songs remind me of others that I have met in the past then make me miss those people because I have connected with so many people over the many years of my life some were good and others probably bad. Regardless, lessons learned from all.

I am capable of amazing things if I put my mind to it and I know that but lately, I have found myself lacking the motivation to do just that and start doing things to actually make the last 32 years of my life not a waste of the last 32 years.

I AM ENOUGH, I WILL SUCCEED.

#mental health #my writing #addiction #positive mental attitude #mental illness #mentally fucked #vent post #daily check in #Spotify

[tiger-resilience]

Emotional Intelligence: Key to Managing Life's Ups and Downs 🌟 🐯 #resilient tigers

When life gives you lemons, your emotional Intelligence decides whether you make lemonade or allow the sour taste to ruin your day. Having the capacity to navigate through the ever-changing tides of feelings - both your own and those of others - has never been more critical, especially in this rollercoaster ride of the world we live in today. That's where Emotional Intelligence (EQ) steps in - your beacon light in the stormy seas of life's ups and downs. 

Emotional Intelligence is your ability to understand and manage your emotions and those of the people around you. It involves empathy, self-awareness, and effective communication - basically, it's all about being 'emotionally smart.' In the face of adversity, your EQ becomes your shield and weapon.

Acceleration in mental health awareness, shifting elastic societal norms, increasing complexities of personal relationships, and intensified strains of professional life are all triggers necessitating high EQ. Let's delve into why emotional Intelligence is the key to managing life's ups and downs: 

Improved Self-Awareness: Emotional Intelligence starts with recognizing your own feelings and understanding why they arise. This self-awareness helps you recognize your emotional triggers and prevent irrational behavior.

Better Decision Making: The more emotionally intelligent you are, the better you handle pressure, leading to improved decision-making capacity.

Enhanced Social Skills: EQ is pivotal in understanding and interacting with others effectively. Greater EQ leads to more successful relationships.

Effective Stress Management: High EQ means you're better equipped to regulate your emotions, resulting in lower stress levels and increased resilience.

In a nutshell, your Emotional Intelligence is the vessel that can guide you safely through the choppy waters of life's highs and lows. Buckle up as we embark on a journey to understand and deepen this profound skill.

[the-future-memories]

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21st December, 2023

Oh god! A year can change you a lot!!

I see myself today and then realise who I was the last year at this point of time!!

I'm alive and living my life the way I want to.... I am living everything fearlessly..... The way I'm facing tough situations now, I'm still wondering if I would've tackled the same situations the same way back then..... But I'm glad about my past self who faced all those shits and made me stronger and happier!!

I'm so relieved to finally feel the real peace and every bit of happiness in my life..... The break was much needed for me to change every aspect of my life...

Mental health can do wonders.... I get it now!! This year's been a rollercoaster ride but above all I am so thankful to the people who stood beside me when I was in such a horrendous place in my life..... You guys deserve much more than a thank you!! My closest and unicorn special people are always with me no matter what the situation is.....

I just want one single thing rn.... And that is to spend the new year or last few days of this year with you guys..... You guys truly deserve it!!

I now know life's about ups and downs but it's all about how you perceive it.... And I don't even get the saddest when the down phase comes into my life..... I pass that phase with hope and it doesn't affect me at all.....

This year's ending is again a downfall for me for my grandfather and academic pressure but I'm facing it like a pro......

I make people laugh..... Can you imagine? It's me ? Really? Like if I told this to my past self, she would've laughed so hard considering it as a joke..... But I'm laughing, making people laugh...... I'm making real great friends at my university..... Becoming social but also not much active in social media and not overthinking every bit of people's life which is none of my thing to worry or care about.....

It's like the version of me about whom I prayed for years and years......

And I wanna continue my life like this..... Not worrying about tomorrow cuz you care about today!! And not worrying much about anything!!❤️

This year has been my best in my whole life till now!! 🥰💗

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