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#to ppl sending me asks: case and point do not expect short answers
jemmo · 1 year
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🎵 🎤 🧡 🦋 🧸
eeeek tysm kali 💖
🎵 Last song you listened to?
my turn by cravity (for context im preparing for kbs music bank in paris but also this song does objectively slap. i will be vroom vroom vroom vroom vroom vroom vroom vroom vroom skrrrrting in my grave)
🎤 Is there a song you know all the lyrics to?
kinda all of them? my sisters says i have a photographic memory which idk im kinda bad at remembering like actual memories, things I’ve done and such but i pick up song lyrics and even dances pretty quick. which says a lot when i listen to majority kpop and like 99% non-english music these days, but even then i kinda just pick up the words in that language enough to recognise them and sing them in songs. but yeah if ive heard a song like 5+ times i will know the lyrics.
🧡 A color you can’t stand?
not really?? i just don’t like super muddy colours, like khaki and mustard colours can be off for me if they are too muddy. and as a blue person, i do dislike bright electric blues idk why.
🦋 Describe yourself in three words.
ok but i have 2. visually; short, bob, glasses. interests; gay, kpop, yarncrafts.
🧸 Favorite place to nap?
bed. like hot take but sleeping somewhere that isn’t a bed sucks and i don’t understand why people do it. my sister purposefully falls asleep downstairs most nights to have a ‘sofa nap’ and I’m like??? why???? when you could just sleep in bed??? and i really can’t get comfy or fall asleep anywhere else bc I hate other ppl being around doing stuff, the wrong lighting all that stuff. but I’d say the back of a car is a close second. like a late night long journey and the time can just pass without you knowing, it hits quite good sometimes.
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hymnblood · 1 year
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KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. REPOST.
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name.  sage
pronouns.  she / they / he
preference  of  communication.  discord tbh, i don’t enjoy tumblr ims because i don’t get notifications or my messages just won’t go through and i don’t know if it does or doesn’t lmao
name  of  muse.  zagreus mf hades game babie
rp  experience  /  how  long.  i’ve been writing for a good .... 9 years on tumblr. 
best  experience.  uhm. teehee i dont know writing wise. i guess when i met my best friend @hubrisi​ ?? they really helped me grow as a person when we first met, i don’t think i would’ve been able to heal as i have without them in my life and i just ... genuinely don’t know where i’d be without them?? meeting them changed my life tbh, i would never give up our friendship for anything in the world they’re the sweetest, realest, most honest person i’ve ever met and every day i’m so thankful for their patience and kindness to me when i struggled and relapsed into horrible habits. rp  pet  peeves  /  dealbreakers.  passive aggressive behavior when i haven’t replied in a while lmao, or also showing possessiveness over my muse if i’m rping w a duplicate of their muse. or ppl getting petty vagues about other people writing with duplicates of their muse. it’s like the one way to get a hardblock from me. i don’t tolerate petty, childish behavior over pixels on a screen, grow up, janet. i also hate the “ no one writes with me “ spiel every day of the week bc it wrecks my mood to be around bc then, eventually it’s all i see on my dash from rbs about people doing better ( as if they don’t have real lives and themselves to put first ) and then dash drama over it. like ... i can’t say much bc i’m writing a male muse, but if in my case, if i’ve sent you numerous asks which is the most obvious sign of me being interested and you haven’t answered a lick of shit of such and you continued to cry no one interacts with you, then it’s just gonna make me give up on trying and just sb. this has happened to me so many times across almost all of my fandoms i’ve written in. it’s really not cool to pull that card on people. sometimes people send an ask first to test the chemistry of their muses before randomly jumping into that person’s dms bc your writing, your muse, your ask reply, gave them motivation / ideas / a starting point to discuss things. it takes two to tango, but don’t leave someone dancing alone when they try to dance with you. OR having people become mutuals with me and i ask them about their muse’s background / original character beause they didn’t have anything proper and i’m told : idk . like. instantly annoys me, i get annoyed very easily and typically when this happens i just don’t bother bc i don’t write your muse how tf am i supposed to plot with you if you can’t even remember the character you write no less your oc fluff,  angst,  or  smut.  i’m fine with any of it and darker themes ( not gross shit ) just gotta be close to me for the last one for me to fully write it in deep detail, and overall everything just gotta be plotted plots  or  memes.  i prefer memes to kickstart plots :) long  or  short  replies.  depends, you’ll notice if something is heavily plotted if i’m writing novella length paragraphs ( that or i’m just super excited to write w someone ), short ones are usually on more casual interactions, or i’m warming up on my writing skills before getting into the flow again are  you  like  your  muse.  uhm. i’m not trapped in the underworld so no - lmao jk, i’d say we both have similar insecurities, trying to do our best, eventually fed up with how they’re treated so ultimately saying fuck it and existing outside of those expectations. my life has been a lot better since i’ve made the decision.
tagged by: @shenzuns​, this was weeks ago but tysm tagging : anyone interested
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pink-imagines · 3 years
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snow day
request: Hi hi! Can I get a headcannon of needy Todoroki were Todoroki is in the ~mood~ 😏but his s/o is out shopping. But when they get back he’s all on them and pretty much attacking them w kisses and cuddles.
a/n: let’s just say for this fic’s sake covid never existed!! (stay safe ppl, try to stay at home as much as possible!) also hi! i’m back, i literally have no excuse now but i’ll be posting a bit more soon hopefully. (you can probably tell that i started writing this back in january)
warnings: mentions of something smutty that might go down but no smut and no other warnings!
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requesting rules
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The snow couldn’t seem to stop falling. It had already been snowing for the past few days, but the weather didn’t change. It stayed the same and the snow piled on and on. You quite liked this kind of weather, somehow seeing people wrapped up in their scarfes with beanies dragged far over their ears made you feel warm - despite the cold weather.  Today was your day off work, so you had a wonderful lazy morning with a bath and eating breakfast while watching TV. The only thing you could think of that would make this better was if Shoto would be here. He was, unlike you, out doing work. You remember teasing him lightly about it yesterday, that you got to spend the day at home while he had to be working out in the snow. In reality you worried that he’d become sick or catch a cold, even though you knew he stayed safe.  Either way, you decided to treat yourself today with some shopping. It had been so long since you could actually go out to shop, so despite the cold you wanted to go outside.
You took the train to the mall and walked through the stores. The only thing you were planning on buying was a sweater, considering that you had been frequently stealing more and more of Shoto’s hoodies so you should probably get some of your own. When you saw the little jewlery shop you stopped dead in your tracks. Knowing that your wallet would start screaming if you walked in there you decided to keep it to window shopping. Earrnings, necklaces, bracelets... but most importantly rings. The memory of your mom straight up asking Shoto when he was planning on proposing came to mind. A smile grazed your lips, he had been so flustered that he choked on whatever he was eating. You had been trying to tell your mom off when he put a hand on your thigh and lightly brushed his thumb across your skin there. “No, it’s fine.. we’ll see in the future.”, he had said and had given your mom a soft smile. If it weren’t for the fact that people were around you would’ve started giggling, but you held yourself back and kept glancing over the rings. One in particular caught your eye, a simple silver one with a smaller diamond. You knew you couldn’t wear a lot of jewlery for your line of work so it seemed so perfect. For the sake of the memory that your brain decided to pull out from the dust, you took a picture of it and sent it to Shoto. -So... when’s it happening? :P You snickered to yourself and started walking again but your phone buzzed quicker than you expected. -You’re starting to sound like your mom A laugh escaped your lips at the message. However, it did surprise you that he could be texting you back so quickly since he was at work. -I was just joking.. aren’t you supposed to be working right now? The text bubble that indicated that he was typing appeared immediately. -Not on patrol today and I just finished my paperwork. I’m about to go into a meeting though -Is that a warning or a challenge? -Y/N. Do. Not. Yet another laughed made it’s way up your throat and you put your phone away again. He usually sounded cold over text, but you could always see right through it. Maybe that’s what four years spent together does to you. 
The hours passed by as you walked around in the mall. It was actually quite pleasant, as not many people were there considering the fact that it was a weekday. As you were trying on clothing in yet another store you found a sweater that you really liked. It was an oversized black sweater that went down you your mid thigh and the collar was a bit wider, almost creating an off the shoulder look. You smiled at yourself in the mirror. Under the sweater you had the black bralette you had tried on moments before. Both of the items fit you perfectly and together it created a very cute look. Without thinking you sent a picture to Shoto, asking him if you should buy it. Thinking he probably had his phone off during the meeting, you put your phone down and changed back to your clothes. When you had just finished up putting your pants back on you looked at you phone again to see Shoto’s messages... you forgot his messages are connected to his laptop as well. -Y/N I told you I was in a meeting! -I mean you look very pretty, I like the sweater.. but if you’re going to send me pictures while I’m at work please put pants on. This was not a funny situation, is what you tried to tell yourself... but that didn’t stop you from smiling at the thought of his ears going red in the meeting room. -Sorry, I forgot! I’ll make it up to you by making you soba, okay? It took a while for him to answer so you went out of the dressing room and put away the things you weren’t going to buy. -... fine. I’ll be home after this meeting, so maybe around 5. -See you then ;) Were you being cheeky? Yes, but it wasn’t anything that he hadn’t dealt with before. 
After making your purchase you looked at your phone and saw that the clock was nearing 4:45 pm, this meaning that it was time for you to go back home. You went over to the trainstation only to see that the train you were taking home was delayed by 20 minutes due to the snow. With a sigh you sat down on the nearest bench and took out your phone. Because of the 20 minutes it would take to arrive at your home station and the 5 minute walk home, you’d be home in about 50 minutes. Knowing Shoto, he’d probably already be home by now as he most likely managed to cut the meeting short - what was the meaning of staying longer when you had already gotten to the point? Even so, you decided to not call him just yet in case he actually still was in the meeting. 
Time passed and as soon as the clock struck 5:00 pm you got a call. “Hey, are you okay? I’ve been waiting for a few and you’re still not home...”, Shoto’s voice was slightly distorted over the line due to your bad connection but you were still relieved to hear his voice. “The train got delayed, can you believe it?”, you sighed heavily. “Yes I can actually, it’s been snowing all day.”, he said calmly, “Do you need me to pick you up? I can be there in 10 minutes.” “No it’s fine, the train should be here in 5 and then I’ll be at the station in just 20 minutes.”, you stood up and looked by the track for the train. “Are you sure? The train’s probably gonna be packed.” “It’s fine, I have headphones with me so I won’t even notice.”, you smiled at his tries to come get you, “Besides I can practically see the train by now.” “Okay... then I’ll meet you at the station.”, he answered, as if it was nothing. “No, baby, you don’t have to do that. You’ve been at work all day just rest please?”, you reasoned. “I’ll see you in 20 minutes, sweetheart.”, he hung up on you. You were taken aback by the usage of the nickname, he barely ever called you by petnames. Before you could think to much of it the train arrived and you put in your earbuds and got on quickly to find a good seat.
The train wasn’t as packed as Shoto had thought. Though there was a crying child in your cart. The mother who frantically tried to calm her baby down gave you an apologetic smile. You made sure to look friendly back at her to make sure she understood that you didn’t mind. The poor woman was trying to keep her child from screaming while also balancing groceries and a stroller at the same time.  “Do you need any help?”, you asked and took out your earbuds. “Please.”, the woman gave you a relieved look. You took her grocery bags and balanced them against some empty seats. Then you took the stroller from her hands so that she could properly care for her baby. “He’s just a bit hungry...”, she said and took out a bottle to give to the young boy. “... I’ve never understood how parents always know what their children want like that.”, you said mostly to yourself but the woman answered anyways. “I guess it’s an instinct.”, she said with a warm smile, “Thank you for your help. My husband’s working late so he couldn’t take care of the groceries tonight.” “Ah... I understand.”, you nodded. “Are you married?”, she asked and when she saw your shocked face she quickly apologized, “Sorry I didn’t mean to pry, I was just trying to make small talk.” “It’s alright.”, you stifled a laugh, “I’m actually not married... not yet at least, my mom’s been pressuring my boyfriend for a while now so who knows.”, you joked. “Oh, you have a boyfriend. Have you two been together for long?”, her demeanor had changed back to the kind and warm one from before. “A few years, actually.”, you nodded, “He’s a very sweet guy and-... that’s him actually.” Your phone started buzzing and Shoto’s caller-ID flashed up on the screen. His picture that you had chosen was of him holding a puppy husky that you had been thinking of adopting. Sadly, you ended up not doing that since you were both to busy to take care of a dog - let alone a puppy. You excused yourself to the woman next to you and answered. “Hi, babe, is everything okay?”, you asked. “Yeah, I just wanted to say that I’m by the station. Was the train packed?”, he spoke softly, which made it clear for you that he was in fact outside. “Not at all actually, it’s quite roomy. I told you that you didn’t have to wait for me though...”, you sighed. “I wanted to. It’s fine.”, he said and then added in a whisper, “Then I get to see you sooner.” Your face flushed up in all shades of pink as he said that. He was never usually this affectionate, but you couldn’t deny that you absolutely loved it. “You’re cute, Shoto.”, you chuckled. “Don’t laugh at me.”, you heard him huff slightly. “Sorry, sorry.”, you smiled, “I’ll be by the station in a few minutes if I’m lucky, okay? Thank you for waiting for me.” “No problem... see you soon.”, he said and hung up again. When you turned back to the woman sitting beside her you could tell she was holding back her excitement. “That was the sweetest conversation I’ve ever heard. That sounded like it was straight out of a story!”, she realized what she said and quickly apologized again, “Sorry! I didn’t mean to eavesdrop!” “It’s no problem, we all do it sometimes.”, you tried to control the blush that was creeping across your face but it was near impossible. “I bet he’ll propose to you soon.”, she said and looked back at her baby, “I hope he does.” “Thank you.”, you smiled and looked down at the baby, who was staring back up at you. You waved at the child and he let out a gurgling laugh that had your heart melting. Today was certainly a special day.
You and the woman just happened to get off by the same stop so you helped her get her grocery bags out of the cart. When you saw Shoto standing by himself you waved and called his name. He turned to you and smiled softly, almost longlingly. “He’s handsome too... wow, you’re lucky.”, she smiled to you, “Thank you for the help, miss.” “No problem!”, you smiled back and watch her walk away before turning your attention to the man walking towards you. “I haven’t seen you all day.”, he embraced you with a sigh. Hugs were normal for the two of you, but absolutely not in public. Your body stiffened in shock before settling in his arms and hugging him back. Eventually he let go of you and took a step back. “Who was that woman? Do I know her?”, he asked. “No, I just met her on the train. Let’s get home, it’s freezing out here!”, you said and took his arm in yours.
The two of you walked in silence, as you usually did, but there was one thing that was running around in your mind. “Do you ever think of having children?”, you asked out of the blue, your breath forming white clouds in the cold air. Shoto stopped in his tracks and looked at you. It wasn’t until then you had realized what you had said, maybe not directly but the question was floating around your heads. “Children, huh?”, Shoto took a deep breath. You peered up at him through your eyelashes, afraid that he’d look disgusted or even scared. He didn’t. His mind was somewhere else, you could tell by the far away look in his eyes. Shoto’s face was dusted pink but, just like yours, you couldn’t tell if it was because he was flustered or cold. “I’ve never thought about it, actually.”, he looked at you which made you look away, “Not against the thought of it though. Let’s talk it through some other time.” He said it so casually. As if this was obvious and not a huge step in a relationship. Then he just kept walking. If it wasn’t for your arm that was still wrapped around his, you would’ve forgotten to walk along with him.  “Don’t be embarrased about it, please.”, he said suddenly, “It’s good to bring up these things.” “I just thought about it... you know... the woman on the train and everything...”, you muttered. “Sweetheart.”, there was the nickname again, “I told you not to be embarrased about it.” After a few years you’d think he wouldn’t be able to make you weak in the knees anymore. That was wrong. You hummed in response to what he said and leaned your head against his shoulder. There was an urge in you to feel a sudden intimacy between the two of you and that was the first thing that came to mind. “Are you cold?”, he asked. “Not extremely...”, you looked up at the clear sky, “... maybe it’s not the best time for cold soba though.” “It’s always a good time for cold soba.”, he answered, completely serious but you still laughed. You laughed because it sounded like him. You laughed because it would ease the excitement stuck in your stomach from what he had said before. You laughed because at that moment you felt so incredibly wonderful - and who wouldn’t laugh at that?
When you got home you made yourself a cup of tea while Shoto stuck to heating up by the radiator. “Are you sure you still want cold soba? We could always make warm soba.”, you suggested as you poured the hot water into your cup. “I say we make cold soba.”, Shoto shrugged as he kept his hands on the warm radiator. His nose was still red from the cold. “Then we make cold soba.”, you nodded.
After eating and cleaning up you sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. Since you usually sat with a bit of space in between the two of you, you did so. However, this time Shoto scooched closer to you and put your head on his shoulder, only to then wrap his arm around your shoulders. “Is this okay?”, he asked quietly to not disturb the show playing. You could care less about the show, your heart was beating loud enough for you to not even hear it. No words would come out of your mouth so you hummed as an answer to his question. He had been acting very lovingly the entire night, something that he didn’t always do.  “Are you okay, Shoto?”, you asked suddenly, “Did something happen at work?” “Why do you ask?” “You just seem... more cuddly?”, you looked up at him, catching him staring but he didn’t look away. “I just missed you then I guess.”, he said, “... and you sent me that picture and that wasn’t very fair.” He looked away and now he couldn’t blame the cold on his reddened face. That’s how you remembered your sweater that you had bought. “Right the sweater!”, you exclaimed, “Can I show you?” “Sure.”, he said and watched you get up, “You seem very excited about this sweater.” “Yes! And you should be too, because now I won’t be stealing yours anymore!”, you took your bag and walked over to the bathroom. “But I like it when you wear my clothes...” “Then...I won’t be stealing your clothes as often anymore!”, you smiled before closing the bathroom door behind you.
You walked out of the bathroom, dressed just like you were in the picture, and walked up to him. He looked over at you, looked you up and down, and then stood up. “What do you think?”, you smiled as he pulled you closer by your waist so that you could wrap your arms around his neck. “I like it more when you wear my clothes... but this is also very nice.”, he leaned down and kissed you quick, “Let’s go have that talk about having children...”, he whispered and started guiding you to the bedroom.
-
permanent taglist: @theoceanphoenixhasrisen | @raven-r0ses | @darkbeautyswife | @sondering-thoughts | @gowoneandonlyone | @bnhabadass | @queenblackcat | @jayetheanimefreek101 | @witchy-anna | @cutest-celestial-princess | @missymysa | @karebear5118 | @weebartistinc | @crystal-lilac | @brithedemonspawn​ | 
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palmett-hoes · 3 years
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7 for Andrew??
( ask game )
7. Exists as a pretext for the intellectual exercise of seeing how much textual support I can find for something patently absurd
okay well this isn't patently absurd it's actually a very sad and sadly very common story for a lot of kids, but i did spend a lot of time combing the books for evidence of andrew’s relationship with books and reading. him being a big reader is a super common headcanon in the fandom, and im sorry to tell yall that we pulled that one out of our asses. from what’s available in canon andrew hates reading and refuses to do it in front of other people. so, i concluded that andrew is in fact, dyslexic, and that reading is difficult and frustrating for him. he avoids it whenever possible, instead relying on audible information that seems to work best for his memory. it also tracks that he wouldn’t read around other people because it would be displaying weakness in his eyes for people to see him struggling
so, the evidence. i’ve searched the books by appearances of words like “book” “read” “paper” etc. most things i can think are related to reading yknow? and there’s not one instance in the entire trilogy of andrew reading anything, ever. in fact, he canonically hates libraries and refuses to go in them. one time he’s handed a packet of an opposing team’s stats and he crumples it up and throws it in his locker immediately.
to put it in perspective, most if not every other characters is shown reading at some point or another, it’s just in very short, missable scenic descriptors. aaron buying a book in the airport. kevin reading a magazine in the dorm. the upperclassmen hanging out and doing homework together. neil reading foreign news sites. it doesn’t seem like much but the fact that andrew is never actually seen reading anything at any point ever,, is actually somewhat conspicuous if you pay attention to the fact that well,, everyone else does.
there’s a handful of other details, mostly andrew’s phone. he has an older model that both essentially forces him to use it slower to type, as well as disincentivizes other ppl from texting him and expecting a quick response. he doesn’t text neil at any point except for the essentials of setting up the phone, and it doesn’t seem like he texts with anyone else either. he specifically tells neil to call him, not text.
so let’s backtrack. let’s talk about what it means for andrew to be dyslexic.
(um,, a lot of this is gonna be based on articles and studies i’ve read but i don’t really wanna make this an Essay i want to cut through the explanations and background info so i’m gonna be making some Statements. if you’re curious or confused pls send me a message and i’ll tell u what i had in mind/what i was drawing from)
thematically, when thinking about andrew’s background, the most important thing i keep in mind about andrew is that he has never been lucky, ever. he is consistently, over and over, handed the worst cards. he is born and raised in the foster care system, and even within this (basically inherently traumatic system) he is ONLY placed in bad homes. he says so. maybe they vary in their methodology, but they’re all bad. so then i have to extend this reasoning to the other parts of his life. he has bad teachers, bad foster siblings, bad case workers. no one CARES about this boy, no one looks at him, no one asks why he behaves the way he does. he gets written off, over and over and over again, in every part of his life. that is FUNDAMENTAL to who he is and what has shaped his views and personality as a person
growing up, no one helped him with his homework, no one read to him at night. probably he had very limited experience with books before he entered school. if andrew is dyslexic he would have struggled in school from very early on, and he would not be receiving any help or support at home. he never learned any skills or coping mechanisms for dealing with the fact that he mixes up his letters or that his head hurts when he looks at them too long, because no one is paying attention to him to notice these things. if he’d received help, if people had been patient with him, he probably could have learned to read just fine and could have done well in school with some accommodations. instead, he just learned to resent reading, to hate books, because people were always trying to force him into it the wrong way, when he was a square peg in a round hole and he needed to approach reading differently from the other kids. but no one saw that there was a problem that could be helped, they only saw HIM as a problem, so no one helped him. not his foster parents, not his foster siblings, not his teachers. so he has no positive associations with reading, it’s just a continuous negative in his life
his teachers especially saw his outbursts and his resistance in class. they didn’t see that he was an abused, traumatized (autistic) child with a learning disability who couldn’t convey to anyone that reading was frustrating and physically painful for him, that he only needed a little more time and a little more support. they only saw his “attitude” and the fact that he took longer than his classmates. so they labelled him a “bad” kid, a “stupid” kid, and they didn’t question that judgement further
no one saw that, if he was given that extra time to read and think at his own pace, that he was brilliant. that he remembered everything that was ever said to him, word for word. they didn’t notice his self-discipline. his skill at puzzles and mind-games. the way he could see right through people and predict with uncanny accuracy how they would act and react. how good he was at putting clues together. his incredible spatial reasoning. they didn’t start conversations with him long enough to realize that he was incisive and observant and clever. they didn’t notice that he was bright and inquisitive, if reserved. that because no one ever answered his questions he learned how to answer them himself. that he started trouble because he was bored and under-stimulated. all they knew was that he never finished his tests and that he couldn’t read aloud in class because everything in schools is levels and data and test scores and working under ridiculous time requirements.
so i don’t really like that common characterization of andrew as a bookworm who does well in school. we know that andrew is intelligent, it’s so obvious that he’s brilliant to us from reading the books, but that’s because we’re seeing him through neil’s eyes. neil who looks at and understands andrew more than anyone else ever has, who sees in him the things that other people miss. and that’s important, because people have missed the fact that andrew is smart. but reading books, getting good grades, eloquent essays, that’s all one of the most typical, the most universally recognized ways to be smart. and i think that’s an injustice for andrew as a character and what his story represents, because he represents all the kids that got missed and passed over and thrown aside for not operating “correctly,” for reacting to things the “wrong” way
there are so many ways to be smart, so many different kinds of intelligence that get dismissed and written off for not being successful in the very narrow set of skills the school system teaches. giving andrew the most classic and conformative and universally recognized signs of “being smart” (actively AGAINST his passive characterization in canon) is honestly a disservice to him. and that’s what i like about him being dyslexic, of him struggling in school, because he can still be smart, be BRILLIANT (because he IS brilliant) but in non-conventional ways
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mbti-enemies · 3 years
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Dumb question: I'm INFJ and started speaking to someone who I now suspect has a crush on me. We knew each other as interns many years ago, clicked super but I was seeing someone else... and he had a crush on me at the time. Years of no speaking. And I got in touch with him again in mid-Feb (not noticing it was V-Day) and we spoke a bit, clicking. After a few weeks, he sent me a song which I now retrospectively see was a hint that he fancied me. Fast-forward, in mid-April I told him I fancied him a bit but need space (past relationship ghosts) but would be eager to befriend him more. He asked me if I'm ok ofc but I chickened out from answering. It's practically May and I wondering if I'll ever have a shot with him? Or maybe I wrecked it all? I think he's INFJ and I suck at reading ppl's romantic vibing with me... and I'm almost 30! Also, we live in different countries thanks to covid. Insights are SUPER appreciated.
Aaah hello- infj here and I can imagine writing a similar ask. I think if I wrote this I think would pretty much predict the answer I’m going to get beforehand. So perhaps you’ll have predicted this.
intj’s main blocks of writing are in italics, though she’s also helpfully edited mine a little >< My writing now sometimes sounds like her voice in my head- very strange stuff. We hope you like the length and detail! Hopefully, it doesn’t get boring/confusing/long.
The short answer? GO FOR IT! The only thing at risk here is your friendship dynamic, cause worst-case scenario going for it would mean giving up being friends for the chance of something even greater than that (but in all honesty one could argue a chance like that is worth a hell of a lot) . And hey if they really are a good friend, i would expect them to still stick by you regardless of the awkwardness/disagreement in any situation so all in all yeah just GO FOR IT.
Oh, and in terms of bad timing concerns , a few months (from him sending the song) and a few weeks (from you telling him you liked him) is honestly not as much time as you think! Especially as you suspect as he had a crush on you from years before too, these types of feelings don’t tend to be that fickle.
If you feel that you want a relationship with him now, you should tell him, however difficult. And if you still feel like you need more space, and just want to be friends, take the space! And if you just need a little more time, tell him how much, just make sure to take his feelings into account to and any way will end up just fine. Just to be clear - you definitely haven’t wrecked it at all. It’s damn hard to be clear with other people about what you want, heck sometimes it’s hard to be clear yourself about what you want, but trying matters. Trying matters.
In terms of sucking at reading others’ romantic vibing- I’ll suspect that as an infj you’re more likely to not notice their romantic vibing than falsely think it was there. Still, as intj said, you may be scared of losing your friendship. I hope that your confession of feelings hasn’t disturbed your friendship- but if it hasn’t, that’s a pretty good sign for open communication and if it has, then you don’t have much more to lose! But whatever you decide, it’s important to weigh up how much you value your friendship with how much you want a romantic relationship with him. And considering he did in fact have a crush on you before , your situation would be understandable to him so perhaps you really wouldn’t be risking all that anyway…
Finally, long-distance. I don’t really know how far away your respective countries are, but I hope that whatever you decide, that your relationship mitigates the challenge! If you feel a romantic relationship with the distance between you is feasible- then that shouldn’t be something stopping you. But, of course, do make sure that you (both!) want the relationship despite the distance, otherwise, either the distance or the relationship will have to go somehow. But it’s okay not to be sure about all that just yet , maybe its best to just try and test the waters first - time can make decisions like these become a lot easier and then you’ll really know what you would be willing to give up (or not give up). Just speak the truth and feel free to go with the flow , your heart will be able to navigate you to shore.
So yeah …, FOLLOW YOUR HEART! And you know- make logical decisions (intj can’t stress this point enough). Be brave (it’s underrated in these situations) and try and be honest. Life’s too short for regrets like these. Whatever you decide to do, I hope your friendship is doing well right now, and will thrive even more in the future! Keep us updated and good luck <3
(P.S Quick note about same-type pairings. I doubt you’re both infjs, though of course still totally possible. Perhaps he’s an infp (easily confusible?). Two people of the same type have the same cognitive functions and so don’t really click as you said you two did (that being said its not like its i m p o s s i b l e for two of the same type to click so its cool if he’s an infj too :) . So, if you haven’t heard about functions, look them up! They’re very cool and at the heart of mbti. And of course, if you have any questions about this, please do ask)
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horansqueen · 5 years
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BabyGirl 9.0
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NOTES:
♥ this is based on a concept i received a few weeks ago and ppl asked that i made a story with it. ♥ i planned 3-4 long parts but i think it’ll be 8-10 short parts ♥ 3.4k. fluff. ♥ there may be smut but i doubt it and IF it happens it wont be as explicit as my other smut works. ♥ i didn’t proofread and if you read my stuff you know i never do because im a lazy ass. ♥ i hope some of you still enjoy this! let me know! ♥ if you have any questions please dont hesitate.
♥ PART 1  // PART 2 // PART 3  // PART 4 // PART 5 // PART 6 // PART 7 // PART 8
                     9.0  HESITATIONS & OREOS
HIM
I had no idea what made me propose that but although my mind was fighting hard against it, this time, my heart won. She stared at me, blinking a few times, probably wondering what my words meant exactly, and what they implied. I was asking myself the same thing but it seemed like I couldn't concentrate. All I could hear were the hard beatings of my heart against my rib cage. It echoed all over my body, making it throb and making nervousness spread inside me. I wanted her to say yes, I wanted her to stay with me, even if I knew it was dangerous, but at the same time, i knew the right answer was to refuse.
Despite everything Louis had told me, I still was not sure our feelings were real anymore. I didn't know if the relationship we could start would be as deep and intense as it used to be, and I was not sure it was the right thing to do for Chelsea. It made me realize that my daughter's happiness was now the most important thing for me, and I was ready to let go of things I wanted if it meant keeping her from hurting. That evidence hit me hard and I moved back slightly like someone had slapped me hard.
"You know what, maybe it's not a good idea after all."
The words escaped my lips and I regretted them as soon as I heard them. I found her eyes with mine and she frowned, nodding slowly and licking her lips. I had done it again, I had hurt her, and i cursed at myself mentally. Every single time I took a step forward with her, I ended up taking two steps back, making things even harder between us.
"I mean, no, you can stay." I corrected myself quickly. "The room where Chelsea is sleeping has a king size bed, so you two can share it."
She didn't even try to hide it, her face twisted into a sad expression and she nodded, sending me a fake smile. She kept quiet, and silence fell between us. I thought about the kiss we shared only a few minutes ago, and my heart skipped a beat. It was incredible how her lips seemed to fit perfectly with mine, how this damn kiss seemed like a choreography we had rehearsed for years, how every time my mouth left hers, I seemed to feel completely empty. I wanted to reach for her, bring my hands on her cheeks to cup her face, if only to feel my skin against hers.
I shut my eyes tight for a few seconds and opened them again. She was playing with her fingers nervously, her leg shaking and her gaze fixing the floor, like she was lost in her thoughts. I wish we could share how we felt, but we were both a bit confused and I couldn't seem to put into words all the emotions invading me. I was never really good with expressing my feelings unless it was in a song, but it's been even worse in the past few days. It probably didn't help that I kept backing away after showing her affection and even if I was having a hard time, it still was not an excuse to play yo-yo with her.
I suddenly felt extremely guilty and licked my lips, reaching out to grab her fingers with mine. It seemed to startle her and her head raised up before her eyes met mine again.
"Come on." I let out very gently with a small head movement.
She didn't ask anything, she simply got up and followed me to the kitchen, bringing her empty glass with her when I grabbed my beer. She put her glass on the isle and leaned against it, her fingers brushing on the marble of the counter. I felt my heart twist at her sight, trying to push away all the romantic thoughts that rushed to my brain.
My heart jumped in my chest when I noticed something on the counter and held my breath, walking to it. It lay in my hand, the cold metal burning the palm of my hand. Louis had told me that he had left something for me in the kitchen, but I didn't expect it to be the silver heart I had thrown away before the party he dragged me to. I stared at it, blinking a few times, before quickly slipping it in my pocket. I took a deep breath, happy that it was not lost forever, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself.
"Are you alright?"
I looked back at my ex girlfriend and sent her a smile and a nod to reassure her. I grabbed the bottle of wine from the fridge and poured her an other glass. She stared at it, making it turn around with two of her fingers while I took an other sip of my beer, emptying it quickly.
"Hungry?"
She raised her head as I walked to the pantry, reaching up to grab a box of cookies and coming back to her, placing it next to her glass as I leaned on the isle too, right next to her. I watched as her lips curled and she chuckled, looking up at me. I noticed I was closer to her than I thought but I fought my first instinct and remained motionless instead to back away again.
"Wine, cookies... you're a real diet breaker, Niall Horan, did you know that?"
I stared at her some seconds before answering.
"You haven't seen anything, I ordered pizza earlier." I pointed out with a smirk, making her laugh. "There's some left if you're interested."
Her smile turned into a fonder one and mine did too. She took her glass and brought it to her lips, making my gaze move to her mouth as she took a sip. If only I didn't feel that strongly about her, perhaps it wouldn't be as confusing.
"No thanks." she finally replied. "Cookies are good."
I knew she had a sweet tooth and I smiled more, opening the box and giving her an oreo cookie. She grabbed it and twisted it, separating both cookies before letting her tongue gather all the cream on one until there was only the cookie left. I laughed and rolled my eyes as she handed it to me, making me grimace.
"There's no way I'm eating that," I admitted with a laugh. "It's full of your spit. You literally licked all of it."
"It's the cookies you prefer though, right? And I prefer the cream. It's called sharing." she joked with an other chuckle. "Besides, you kissed me earlier, did you think it was nasty?"
She stared at me with a daring smile as my eyes traveled from her eyes to her lips and back to her eyes.
"That's different." I whispered. "You know it."
She licked her lips and this time, it made my heart skip a beat. It was crazy the effect she had on me and it bothered me.
"But did you think it was nasty?"
I smiled more and laughed, my hand reaching her way as I touched the top of her hand with the tip of my fingers. It sent an electric shock all over my body and I could swear I saw her shiver.
"Of course not."
"I dare you to do it." she let out, playing with the cookie in her hand, her gaze still dived in mine.
I felt my heartbeats accelerate and held my breath as we looked at each other intensely. Time seemed to be suspended and my fingers stopped moving on top of her hand. My lips parted slightly and I finally inhaled, filling my lungs with air but also courage. I had to stop fighting against what I wanted, I had to stop over-analyzing every single action I made. It was not easy for me, I was used to check my every move, to choose my words carefully, to make sure I let out enough but not too much, that I reacted exactly the way I was supposed to...
Without thinking, I moved closer quickly and pushed my lips against hers. She jumped slightly but I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer, and she finally relaxed against me, allowing me to kiss her deeper. This time, our kiss was more impatient, and way more passionate. I held her body flush against mine, enjoying the burning sensation it procured me, and when I finally broke the kiss, I kept my forehead pressed against her, opening my eyes slowly. I met her gaze and we smiled, chuckling again and she nibbled on her bottom lip for a few seconds.
"I meant, I dare you to eat the cookie." she explained with a short and low laugh, making me smile more.
"I know."
We remained like that for a few minutes before I loosened my embrace and she sighed, reaching for her glass and taking a long sip from it, making me laugh again. I grabbed the cookie on the counter and put it completely in my mouth, chewing on it and swallowing it quickly. She rolled her eyes with a grin and shook her head before to hand be the other half.
"Still hungry?"
I glanced at the cookie in her hand as she shook it to catch my attention but finally looked back up at her. She was pretty, and the way she smiled made me want to be close to her, physically, and emotionally.
"I bought wine just for you, in case you'd come here." I randomly let out.
She immediately stopped wiggling the cookie and looked at me, surprised. I breathed in and sighed, looking down at her hand and taking the cookie gently from her fingers, putting it away.
"And I kept buying oreo cookies because it reminds me of you." I confessed, feeling my heart jump up my throat. "I never really forgot you, or got over you. I just pushed the memories away."
She kept silent, swallowing hard but pressing her lips together. I didn't know if it was to stop herself from talking, or from crying, but I just shook my head.
"See? I contradict myself all the time." I scoffed, feeling ridiculous and shaking my head. "I did all I could to stop thinking about you, yet I kept buying these cookies that made me think of you. It's exactly like right now. I kiss you and back away, when in reality I just want to bring you to my room. I invite you for the night and take it back but what I actually want is to have you in my life. And not just as the mother of my kid but as my girlfriend."
HER
His self-critical tirade left me voiceless. It was the last thing I expected and I felt slightly dizzy from his avowal mixed with the two glasses of wine I had swallowed. I backed away slightly, as if to get an overview of the whole situation, but I was not sure the words he spoke had really sank it yet.
"What do... what do you mean, Niall?"
He turned around, his back facing me, and moved his hand in his hair, pulling on it slightly and letting out a sigh. I watched him, remaining motionless but feeling my heart beat so hard in my chest that the sound echoed all over my body.
I didn't want him to stop talking. I wanted to hear his voice over and over again. I wanted to listen to his words for a million times, until I could really grasp them and let them invade all of me. If I could, I would record him, just to close my eyes and play his confession all night.
"I don't know, I don't know what i'm saying."
Slowly, he turned my way, his hand still in his hair, and his eyes moved up to meet mine. I held my breath as he took a step closer and shook his head.
"I know what I want, but I don't know what I should do."
"Why don't you do what you want to do." I let out very low, tilting my head and frowning slightly. "You ever heard of the saying 'just follow your heart'?"
He chuckled and shut his eyes tight for a few seconds before opening them. He became serious again and just shrugged.
"I know you're that kind of person but I'm not. I can't be."
Obviously, I had no idea what he was going though or what his life was like, but what kind of regrets is he going to have in fifty years from now?
"I can't pretend I understand," I started, moving closer and holding myself on the isle. " But I respect that. You have a very different life than mine."
He stares at me again, letting his arm fall back on the side of his body, and I let my eyes wander on him. He grew up and changed. He was not the skinny kid I used to date, and I felt sorry I didn't get the chance to watch him turn into the man he became.
"That's the problem." he admitted so low I barely heard him. "I want my life and yours to be similar."
I felt my lips curl into a small but fond smile.
"We have Chelsea," I mentioned. "That means we're linked forever."
His eyes roamed on my face and he put his hand on the isle too. I glanced at it and breathed in, desperate to be closer to him again.
"I'm very happy about my new title, I love being Chelsea's dad, way more than I thought I would at first." he professed, bending slightly and making me look up to follow his eyes. "But I want us to be linked in many other ways. I just don't know if it's really what we should do, I don't know if it's the good thing to do for Chelsea."
It took me a few seconds but I finally nodded slowly at his comment. I felt my heart twist in my chest knowing he cared about our daughter's well-being before his own, since making her my priority was something I did ever since I found out I was pregnant.
"She asked me if I was her new father."
My lips curled at his words and I chuckled, my gaze never leaving his.
"What did you say?"
He shrugged, licking his lips and I did the same without thinking.
"You know me, I eluded the question with an other question."
This time, I let out a laugh that made his smile grow. I brought my hand slowly to his chest and gripped his shirt lightly, shaking my head. There are so many questions I wanted to ask him myself without daring to, but I was not surprised my daughter had more guts than I did.
"Well done." I simply said. "But one day, we're gonna have to answer it. You're lucky she didn't insist."
I felt his fingers over mine on the counter but didn't have the courage to look at our hands. At that point, I didn't care about anything else but what he was going to do next.
"I know." he whispered, his face so close to mine I could feel his warm breath on my skin.
"Okay."
He bent closer and I swallowed, keeping my eyes open until his lips pressed against mine once again. I gripped his shirt harder and pulled him to me a bit rougher than I intended, making him chuckle against my mouth.
"How about we take things slow but without telling Chelsea?" he breathed, his lips brushing against mine as he talked.
"Okay."
I swallowed my emotions and cleared my throat, knowing my voice was about to crack. I knew why he didn't want to tell our daughter yet, and I knew he was right, but trying again with him was something I desperately wanted. I was scared, probably even more than he was, and there was no way I wanted to risk hurting Chelsea with this.
He kissed me again. It was a simple kiss, but it made an ecstatic sensation run through my body and I didn't deepen the kiss this time, in fear of ruining it. It took me a while but I finally let go of his shirt. He moved back a bit to look in my eyes and I sent him a large smile that he sent back.
I grabbed my glass and downed it completely, making him laugh. He took it and brought it to the sink.
"Enough for tonight, are you tired?" he asked. I shook my head and he just nodded. "Alright, maybe we can listen to music in the living room?"
I waited until he was sitting down and he patted the seat next to him. I sat down and immediately, his arm moved around my shoulders. The intense feeling that invaded me was almost unknown but after searching in my memory, I realized that the only times I ever felt like that was when I was with Niall.
He used his phone to put music on the tv and I smiled when it filled the entire room. I leaned my head on the couch and closed my eyes until I heard a chuckle next to me. I turned my head in his direction and opened my eyes, raising my eyebrows.
"What?"
"You and Chelsea, you're both so..." he let out, shaking his head. "I don't know, you two have the same expressions, you do the same faces, and you react the same."
I laughed too and shrugged, closing my eyes again.
"We've been doing almost everything together for five years now, I guess you develop similar habits and reactions."
I couldn't tell him how bad I wanted him to be a part of us, a part of what we had. I would gladly let him join us and I was sure Chelsea already had feelings for him. She had such a big heart and Niall was so easy to love.
"Chelsea is gonna need new clothes," I started, feeling him shift slightly on his seat.
"Oh, yea, sure, I can pay for her stuff."
His response made a laugh escape my lips and my eyes fluttered open, waiting until he looked back at me.
"No, I'm not asking for your money, Nee." I explained with a grin. "I was wondering if you wanted to come with us."
He stared at me, blinking a few times, amusing me even more.
"The mall? You, me, and Chelsea? Tomorrow?"
His expression changed and he seemed surprised.
"Oh, yes, of course."
I sat up and turned my body to him, glancing at his lap and bringing one of my hands on his thigh. I had no idea why I needed to touch him so bad, but it was stronger than me. I felt bad until he moved his arm from the back of the couch to bring me closer to him. My lips found his easily and I brought both of my hands on his cheeks to cup his face.
"I know it's probably not your favorite activity, but Chelsea loves shopping." I mentioned. "She also loved trying out clothes, so I hope you're patient."
He laughed and I did the same.
"I'm ready. Bring it."
I felt my heart soften and he pulled me with him as he lied down. His body felt so good against mine and I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes and wrapping my arm around him. I didn't want to move ever again, I just wanted to stay close to him forever. He smelled exactly the way I remembered, a mix of his expensive cologne and his unique body scent. The heat of his body warmed mine and it calmed me in a way I couldn't explain.
"I think I'm gonna spend the night here, after all."
He chuckled and I pushed myself harder on him, feeling suddenly incredibly tired.
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identitycris1s · 3 years
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im back
hi just thought id pop in with a status update! maybe i’ll break this down into categories. feel like im doing an email update (ew!) but this rly is probs the best way to structure this post...
work / school (?)
work has been....aite. idk what to say. idk if i have unrealistic expectations of what work is supposed to be, but the idealist in me thinks its wrong to not even try and find something that seems meaningful / is deeply fulfilling. i think im mature enough to get that work isnt supposed to be fun / exciting every single day but bro this daily grind / sense of dread / utter disinterest / feeling of futility / frustration / disenchantment surely isnt the correct state of affairs.....at least let me try and find something that is a better fit, thats more stimulating, that feels more NATURAL to me? i just dont think im cut out to be a lawyer. sure i sometimes like arguing and making my point and i like that everyone i work with is smart and interesting and generally kind and reasonable and i like the prestige of the job and feeling like ppl respect me and i like the decent pay and the humane hours but.....i feel unmotivated to be a good lawyer. i think i find it difficult / disingenuous to always 100% get behind my client and advocate for their best interests. i tend to see things from a zoomed out perspective, like WHY are we fighting, WHY cant we just settle, WHY are the claimants pursuing this absolutely crap and unmeritorious claim and WHY do we have to defend it when its stupid and bound to fail (cos access2justice i guess but still, WHY), WHY cant we just hash things out in a meeting instead of sending emails here and there and wasting time, WHY do we have to answer stupid questions, WHY WHY WHY
and i think public policy is sort of an answer to that....i think theres more questioning of why we do things and why a policy will or will not work, in a macro sense - what is good for society at large. whereas in law (at least in litigation) its how can we just move this case forward and help the client, which is often not the most productive thing to do in a macro sense - very much a zero sum game. i get that shitty / unmeritorious claims still need to be defended against and someone has to do it and I GET IT but i just dont think i want to be that person defending these claims...or bringing them for that matter.....ultimately i cant fully / sincerely separate the overarching sense of futility from the duty to do a good job.
sigh. well at least ive kind of figured out this isnt for me. which is scary cos being a lawyer in this firm is pretty much a career for life - truly an iron rice bowl, i could probably make partner in maybe 4 or 5 years and live a comfortable upper middle class life...but i cant bring myself to do that. i cant bring myself to not give myself a shot at doing something i actually find interesting, stimulating and that i care about deeply. call me crazy! we’ll see where this brings me in 5 years’ time....:) 
anyway most ppl at work (at least in my team) know that im most likely gonna leave soon. i rly only told 2 ppl (my boss cos he had to sign off on my testimonial and G cos she was quitting anyway)...but somehow ppl found out one way or another. i dont rly mind and ppl have been taking it pretty well and have been kind and encouraging (i guess why would they not take it well, im hardly indispensable) but i get a bit antsy thinking - what if i dont get in...then what? do i just put my head down and continue here (BUT IM SO SAD) or do i just quit without any prospects and try to find a policy-ish job??
idk. will have faith that God will put me where I need to be. he is in control of it all and I BELIEVE THIS !!! I am just a bit scared that his plan is different from what i  think i want....but this is just my human instinct and i know in my head that there is no reason to be scared cos his plan is always the better one. head knowledge just needs to translate to heart understanding and real trust / faith.
ermmm relationships...???
i started using...cmb...idk why i find this so cringey. i guess about a year ago i couldnt imagine doing this and i kept thinking EW what if ppl i know see me and they think im a desperate saddo who cant find a bf irl and has to resort to an app EW shes so lame and ugly and gross. and i realised that is so stupid no one actually thinks that way and its very backward and dumb and insecure of me to be thinking that. and anyway as i get older i rly dont quite give a shit what ppl think of me (at least i tell myself that....)
i suppose i was also inspired by csm who has been quite actively using apps and meeting ppl and taking real..strides..(LOL) in her dating life. i used to tell myself hey God will provide u with a mans if he wants u to be with a mans. but also God can use an app to do that...and if i dont step out in faith that he will do something and i dont take any action at all, how is God gonna work?? should i sit at home and expect a man to fall into my lap??
for some ppl it has been way easier, e.g. my parents meeting in uni and falling i love. i always wanted that - the organic relationship, the meet-cute, the friends to lovers thing. (i guess i tried that last one before and it didnt work...) but i think theres no point in romanticising relationships anymore. thats a very modern thing to do and its not necessarily a good thing? like who’s to say a relationship that had organic beginnings is intrinsically better than one that started from an app?
anyway i havent had much luck haha i think its hard to find genuine GCBs (or maybe theyre just not attracted to me....) although recently ive been talking to this one guy B for a week or two and its been...ok i guess. hes rly nice and seemed cool at first - we talked about travelling and hamilton and the office, which was a good start. he is thoughtful and kind and doesnt seem to be put off by my very slow replies (he replies so fast......its stressful a bit) and he does the whole good morning text thing (which i frankly find a bit bizarre, we barely know each other..?? and ive never even met him irl.. but its sweet i guess :))
but DUDE his english seems to be not great - at least thats the impression i get from texting him. which is an issue for me. i dont want it to be BUT IT IS...first red flag was when he said some weird thing about not wanting to wear a mask at work (not a literal mask - like he didnt know if he could be his ‘true self’) and the wording was very strange. then he said “the weekends are almost here” ?? the weekend is not a plural though? then he used the wrong tense a few times and his apostrophe usage was wrong (”Gods’ love” - bro there is one God). he also uses way too many commas which irks me.
i mean i get that text is supposed to be an informal medium - come on look at this post, there r hardly any capital letters and plenty of short forms and hardly any apostrophes but u see its CONSISTENT and its obviously cos of laziness / convenience - but i think his problem is a bit different...u can sort of tell if someone doesnt have a 100% strong grasp of english. those r basic grammar mistakes man...i get that i sound petty and stupid and this isnt a huge deal but i feel like im settling by even talking to him cos this is not something i wld normally tolerate but hey maybe im getting desperate with age :(:(:( urgh 
on the other hand maybe i just need to be more generous with ppl and l have an irrationally high standard for english cos i am a lawyer and my friends all speak well / text well?? maybe im just being too nitpicky?? honestly hes very nice  and communicative and straightforward and seems mature and very God-fearing and idk why hes still talking to me cos ive been a bit cold and slow to respond. hes very patient which i dont rly deserve.....i myself have a million flaws that are probably way worse and egregious (ahem PRIDE...ahem ego....ie the source of this dilemma in the first place...) so maybe i should just close one eye abt the bad grammar.
i also realised how fked up i am - confirmed my suspicion that i am naturally attracted to emotionally unavailable ppl / ppl that just seem distant / out of reach (thats my avoidant attachment style right there). i think there was one day he didnt text me at all and omg...i couldnt stop thinking what i did wrong...like did i piss him off by being too cold for too long...did he get scared off cos i said i wanted to do a masters (idk this seemed like an irrational leap but i was being irrational)..then i started being nicer to him and replied more promptly hahaha turns out he was just rly bz at work that day. omg this pattern is real i think i did this with xj also - was eager to speak when he was in japan but after meeting irll i was just over it... (i am drawn to distance like a moth to a flame and i am repelled by availability like....a fire by a fire extinguisher (??)). yucks i rly hate myself sometimes but yknow what at least im self aware and im trying to fix this...kind of.. gonna hash this avoidant thing out with my therapist at the next sesh.
on the topic of xj i got a bit nostalgic and wondered why we stopped speaking (surprise surprise it was my fault, didnt reply then felt it had been left to long to pick it up again...) went back to look at our texts and aw we rly got along so well, i do miss him as a friend and im sorry about how poorly i treated him especially in dec 2018 / jan 2019 sigh.....i was a real bitch....
anyway im just gonna see how things go with B... if he asks me out i prob will go... just to give it a shot. update if / when that happens!
EDIT - he asked me out lol we shall see how it goes. 
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cryamore · 7 years
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MINI UPDATE PART 1: Backer-only Discord Server Questions
Mirroring a recent Kickstarter update over here on Tumblr to try and keep all the social outlets up to date.
This has to be split into two parts because Tumblr only allows five embedded videos per post.
Thanks for everyone’s comments and support on the previous Kickstarter backer only update! A good number of people have joined the Cryamore Backer Discord server that I started up.
We’ve got about 132 members on there right now and it may grow a bit more once I send out the invite to the Paypal backers as a means to get them caught up with what’s been going on behind the backer-only posts. I just have to mirror the backer-only posts in somewhere like Dropbox for their prolonged perusal and prepare a short list of Q&A in case they have any queries and I’ll send out this draft I’ve done.
With that said, I wanted to make a short update reiterating questions gathered from the Discord channels and sharing some of the things we feel we can have non-backers see since it won’t spoil the game... too much.
FoolishWolf asked: I guess my first question is if it is possible to give an ETA on the project at this point?
Rob: We want to be finished this year. We're currently in the "Polish" phase where all the moving and working parts are in, it's just a matter of cleaning up presentation, major bugs, and final art.
Alan: There are going to be gameplay polishes too as we go along. The mechanics we've got are now all adjusted to any suggestions we've taken in from our publisher's testing but we'd like to see if during the backer tests, anyone feels it could be improved further.
That's fair. I guess this is just the marketer in me, but is there gifs and videos that maybe you can release for the community for #Indiedevhour and #screenshotsaturday that we share around. Kinda get the hype train going?
Rob: We want to get back into doing more of that, yeah. Now that we're polishing stuff up.
Alan: We'll be sharing stuff as often as we can on Discord which we'll then pool together for the mini updates.
Clay | Terminally Nerdy asked:
Once the game is in a “playable” preview state, would you all want someone to stream/talk about it?
We’re absolutely okay with it as this would help reinforce the fact that the game is legit. We’ll make sure to mark which builds are public ready.
Can you get Atlus to port the Persona series to PC, and will Jack Frost be in the game?
We sadly don’t have that kind of pull but I personally would like to see the Persona series on PC too.
Phosphatide asked:
How close is it to the proposed "40+ tracks" from the Kickstarter?
We’re pretty much within the forty track count already. I’ll share surasshu’s answer here as it’s better to hear it from one of our composers.
Tumblr media
here's a link to a larger version (just adjust the zoom) in case Kickstarter decides to shrink the whole thing to an unreadable point.
fpwong asked:
What do ppl usually use for programming AI in Unity? UE4 has inbuilt behaviour trees but idk if unity has anything of the sort.
Alan: We’re not sure about other people using Unity but for us, we’ve been using a mix of C# and FlowCanvas/NodeCanvas to achieve an easily tweakable AI system. It’s the same thing we used to set up our cutscene/dialogue system too, so it’s multipurpose!
youtube
Rob: This video is quite outdated though; It’s mostly the dialogue on example there and a few older bugs but that shows how the dialogue tree is set up, how it can control objects to walk away from the scene, change sprites and more.
Brendan (luigimeistersa) asked:
Hey dev guys. Does Cryamore have any kind of buffs you can apply to Esmy?
Alan: We sadly don’t have much in way of buff abilities besides things like Oxy Barrier which provide you with a protective bubble and allow you to breathe underwater or other abilities like Time Paradox and Shadow Cloak. You do get a Well Rested buff though from sleeping at the inn though and the buff comes at various tiers.
Can you bind them (abilities) to the row of number keys on PC?
Alan: We're using Rewired for Unity to support keybinding and a variety of controllers (here's a list) so you should be able to rebind controls to any key you wish on a desktop keyboard.
Rob: Controllers may be more limited for keybinding in comparison, however.
AreYouSmarterThanACheeseGrater asked:
So, how are you going to work sleeping? Will time advance a set number of hours or will time progress to the next morning/evening?
Alan: Here’s an excerpt from our design document to easily explain how sleeping works.
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Take note, costs are subject to change but sleeping in specific beds advances time by a set amount and you get better rest in a shorter amount of time from the more expensive rooms at the inn (to be fully rested and free from fatigue for a day in just two hours would be amazing). You do have the option to be cheap and just sleep in your own bed but you use up more time in a day.
Downing energy drinks is a way to stay awake without having to sleep but you can only carry so much and it won't fully restore your fatigue and you'll eventually find yourself sleeping on the ground, helpless against any threats around you.
shadowreaper5 asked: Are you still looking for help? I can't draw or code, but if you need someone to poke every corner for bugs I'm your man
We'll put out a public call for assistants when there's nothing else left but the art polish push, there's a bit of design polish that Rob and I still have to work on here and there but when the backgrounds and pixel tracing are all that's left, we're hoping we get many applicants that're willing to stick through.
As for poking every corner for bugs, I've currently given 13 members on the Backer Discord @tester status. Having them on Discord will help us all communicate as they run the builds. I expect we're going to have a few questions of why the game won't start when loading a save (recurring bug that happened in old builds regarding data from a previous build being kept in the %appdata% folder on Windows systems and conflicting with the new build)
Does your [insert magic equivalent here] regenerate quicker if you sleep in a bed/inn?
Alan: In our aim to nail down the fun factor without sacrificing too much of the original vision, we decided to make EP regenerate automatically.
You should see it in action in this older stress test video that Rob shared on the Discord server.
youtube
As you can see, the blue meter to the lower left goes down each time Esmy uses a skill. The meter is actually comprised of a number of cells but displays as a meter, the cell count is shown to the right of the meter as EP <number>. Each ability eats a number of cells, i.e. an ability like Ignite Lv1 costs = 1 cell but Shadow Cloak of any level will use = 4 cells. A channeled ability like Boulder Dash will eat up a cell every second.
Cells can be increased by finding certain collectibles in the game.
Rob: You can also see in the video above that even in-editor, the game runs pretty smoothly (60FPS+) with 8 monsters and numerous adds it summons.
Alan: I've personally tried it on my own PC with a 1GB video card from 7 years ago and it runs fine in-editor and runs even better on a compiled build.
lemon-rev asked: With your post regarding the update, I can now fully understand why the game looks at is base level, playtime on each of those levels sounds great, but are they leveling, completing quests, just beating up mobs, I am sure each of those other sections that have to be redone for unity as well as the type of content for each one.
Some context is necessary here for the non-backers reading this. During the previous backer update, I mentioned the listed completion times we got for each dungeon when we had testers run through it, here are those numbers...
Northern Caverns v1 Build: 20-30 minutes
Rime Rapids v1 Build: 30-40 minutes
Molten Mountain v1 Build: 30-40 minutes
Terrestrial Woods v1 Build: 40-60 minutes  
Vale of Gale v1 Build: 40-60 minutes  
Sunken Ship v2 Build: 40-120 minutes
Mekanika v2 Build: 40-120 minutes
Phantom Marshes v2 Build: 40-120 minutes
The v1 builds were before I ran a level design revamp over the layouts so those numbers can go up. All in all though, that's currently around 4.6 hours worth of dungeon crawling (and there's one dungeon unaccounted for still).
With that bit of context given, to fully answer lemon-rev's question, take note, these are all approximate numbers as there was a guide provided for the publisher testers to consult and these numbers also DO NOT include boss fights, cutscenes or enemy ambushes. There's also the time required to head out into the overworld and look for and access those dungeons so we estimate that we could hit 12 hours at the very least of regular gameplay without completing any sidequests and hopefully 16-18 hours if you try to 100% the whole game.
sky asked: Is Linux still planned?
Yes! This is also why we're going to have to reach out to our backers for testing assistance as we've only been able to test on PC and Mac so far and do not have much if any Linux testbeds.
We've had a number of people on the Discord server that I've tagged as willing testers and we look forward to working with them soon!
CONTINUED IN PART 2
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teenage drivers insurance quotes
"teenage drivers insurance quotes
teenage drivers insurance quotes
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolution.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
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teenage drivers insurance quotes
teenage drivers insurance quotes
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teenage drivers insurance quotes
teenage drivers insurance quotes
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i asked this question already, but don't think i was specific enough, i am fully insured on a golf, which my boyfriend drove, beleiving he was insured under his company insurance as third party,since he drives dozens of cars at work.(and at a similar company he worked for last year it did cover him) however when he asked for the insurance policy from work he was informed it only covered the work fleet cars. it was a stupid but honest mistake, will he lose his licence?""
""Car insurance help, 16 yrs old?""
hey, so im 16 yrs old. I live in florida, have above a 3.0, took driver safety classes and everything, and im thinking about getting a 1995-2000 v6 camaro as my first car. Problem is, about 4 or 5 months ago, some asshole in a truck with a trailer crashed into me while i was driving and my parents got ****** on insurance, and the court just now ruled it wasnt my fault, but i know its still going to affect my insurance. If i go under their plan, have them as the lead and im just an off-driver, as it will be a school only car, how much do you think the insurance would be? im just looking for a medium range, i know everyone can't get specifics, im just trying to see if its worth it or not. i think with me on both cars now they had to pay $150 dollars more now, they said it would usually be more, but since they have been with them for over 30 years or something they get a discount.""
What Is the average monthly payment on a new 2008 yamaha r1?
And the average insurance price cost for an 18 year old
Does AARP offer affordable health insurance?
I'm turning 50 the end of October, as of now I have no health insurance. Someone told me that I'll be eligible for AARP and will be able to get affordable health and dental insurance. Is AARP the answer to being able to finally afford health and dental insurance?""
How much is car insurance.......suspended license?
I am interested in purchasing a car in the near future and am worried about high insurance rates. My driver license was suspsended for one month last January (driving with only a learners license....I know, stupid) Anyways, I did a quote online without stating the fact that my license was suspened, and the rate it game me back was $238 a month. How much more do u think it would be if I added that driving infraction? The website won't give that information. I used to live in Ontario and now am in Alberta.""
""Can I purchase, insure and register a motorcycle with a temp license in California?""
Hey everyone. I passed my motorcycle skill test six weeks ago, but haven't received my motorcycle license yet. And I want to buy a motorcycle and ride legally commuting everyday. I wonder if it is OK to purchase, insure and register a motorcycle? Thanks.""
""Health insurance question, very simple?""
Ok, this may sound stupid, but, for health insurance; we pay both the premium and the deductible, right? Or is it either or? Do we pay the premium every month and the deductible only once a year? Thanks a lot""
How can I find cheap car insurance?
I have a policy with RBC. They just jacked me up by 400 a year....
Need alot of work done but no insurance any good dental insurance?
Iam self employed and need my wisdom teeth removed and also need braces but i have no insurance is there a good dental insurance out there so i dont have a huge debt?
teenage drivers insurance quotes
teenage drivers insurance quotes
Is Geico a good insurance company?
Is Geico a good insurance company?
If I get 3 points on my licence for speeding how much will my car insurance go up next year.?
I paid 350 last year for my car insurance (pre 3 points)
How much time do I have to get another's insurance to pay for my medical bills?
If I was a pedestrian hit by a car and was injured, taken to the hospital, how long do I have before I can claim my medical bills on someone else's insurance since it was their fault?""
What motorcycle insurance companies would you recommend to any young rider aged 16-18?
I would like to know which is the best company to go for as I plan on getting a 125cc motorcycle as a means of social and domestic transport, I've seen mce and that's the cheapest comapny I can find at 990 are there any other cheaper companies with good benefits ?? Thanks""
Insurance required for a self-employed cleaner?
My girlfriend is thinking about starting cleaning peoples house's. Does anybody know what kind of insurance would be required for this!
Car insurance?
I am a minor living with my mom and she is being a ***** about car insurance so can i get on my dads insurance even though i dont live with him? i live in delaware by the way.
How much would the car insurance cost for a 2006 ferrari f430?
for a 25 year old
Auto Insurance question...?
If my teen neighbor (with a licence)borrowed my car and he/she wrecked it, would my insurance cover it? If so, why do teens that are driving, have a licence, have to be covered on parents insurance if they are driving their parents car? Isn't the car already covered by insurance? Why do I have to pay insurance on my teen and not my neighbor?""
The best car insurance company for a young driver?
Hey guys I'm 18 and about to get my first car and I've been notified that i need a car insurance before even buying a car from a car dealership. HELP! I've heard that young driver's insurance is more expensive than experienced driver's insurance, Is there a cheap car insurance for beginning drivers?""
""How much does car insurance usually cost for a 17 year old in Ontario, Canada?
a 17 year old brand new driver (Girl) owning her first car? (a pontiac sunfire) IN CANADA !! NOT THE US
Can I get unemployment benefits after workerscomp?
I have been on workerscomp for over a year. My benefits may be ending soon. I do not think I can continue working with the company because of my injuries. If my benefits end and I decide to quit. Can I file for unemployment benefits? Doesn't your unemployment benefits based on your last salary? If so, I did not have a salary because I was receiving benefits from my workers comp insurance company.""
What car insurance company has the policy that you insure on person but anyone can drive it and be insured?
What car insurance company has the policy that you insure on person but anyone can drive it and be insured?
Car insurance rates sports vs regular?
ok i've never owned a car before, im 19 and i've been insured on my parents 3 cars since i was 16, 1 being a 2005 mazda rx8. perfect driving record, no tickets, no fenders. they're going to buy me a car now, and i'm trying to get them to just give me the mazda because they want to sell it any way. They say the insurance rates would be too high. So they want me to get a shitty honda or something (which would be like the same price they would be selling this beautiful mazda for because it has 40k miles on it) So what would be the difference per month i would be paying in insurance if i were to take the mazda (which i guess is defined as a sports car) vs if i were to buy a shitty car that isn't a sports car""
Young Driver Insurance?
I am 18 and have recently passed my driving test. I have bought a car, a 55 regVauxhall Corsa 1.2 SXI 3 door, and before I bought it all of the insurance quotes were cheap - none above 2500 a year. I looked today and all of them are over 4000, even if I put both of my parents as named drivers. Does anyone know any good, cheap young driver car insurance companies or have any advice on how I could lower my premium? I have checked the majority of comparison sites.""
Car Insurance Question?
I am buying my first car....a pre-owned 2008 nissan altima 3.5 sedan (4 door) I would love to know how much im looking into for insurance and which company would be best for a new car owner/college student Geico Progressive State Farm etc..... Any information would be beneficial
""Whats the cost to own a brand new BMW 3 series in CA, US (with Tax, insurance etc.)?""
Whats the cost to own a brand new BMW 3 series in CA, USA (including, Taxes, Insurance, and other hidden costs if any)?""
What is the average car insurance cost in Arizona?
I'm moving there very soon and before I get quotes from a million different companies I would like to hear from every day people. Any one who can help has my thanks.
What are the top 5-10 cheapest car insurance?
And which one is the cheapest?
National Health Insurance?
I have a huge report to do for school on my position on National Health Insurance. I am completely opposed to it. Although I'd like to see what anyone else thinks, and I'm looking for any great statistics I could add to my report. Thanks!!""
Can I add my 18yo niece to my medical insurance?
She is a college student and we provide more than half of her support. I do claim her as a dependent on my taxes, but only starting this year. I know I can keep my own children on the policy through age 26 (if in college, I think), but I didn't know if I could add my niece. thanks!""
Will my insurance go up when i get my own car?
i'm on my grandpa's insurance which makes my insurance 27 dollars a month but i do not have my own car. when i get my own car will the insurance go up and if so, how much will it go up?""
Whats the cheapist car to run?
which car is the cheapist to run including the average price on fuel, tax, and insurance....thanks mikey maidon""
How much should 17 year old boy expect to pay for car insurance?
I have looked around various places and saw from a few thousand p/a to 10, 000 p/a (yes, ten thousand pounds!!). I am booking my driving test very soon and will be buying a small, cheap car such as a 2000 VOLKSWAGEN POLO 1.0 E 5DR or a KA or Fiesta. Approximitely, how much should I expect to be paying.""
Short term car insurance?
i need UK car insurance for just one day, ive looked at various companies such as more than and the AA but they will only do it for people over 21 and i am 20. does anyone know any companies that can do this?""
Car Insurance Issues?
So I've just passed my test, looking to purchase insurance on a car (peugeout 1.1 fever) and the prices they're, sky high! My dad currently has a car with 5years ncb. I figured that if he ends his current policy on his car (which he paid annual for) and begins a new policy for my car using his 5years ncb it would be all cheaper. Then if he started from scratch on his car again. So basically hes ending his policy in order to transfer the ncb onto my car, him being the main, and me being an additional driver and starting from scratch again on his original car. Only query i have is, Is it legal? Is any part of the above illegal? Thanks guys for the help :D""
teenage drivers insurance quotes
teenage drivers insurance quotes
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