#to everyone thinking void would be a good big brother....... sorry

[emthimofnight]

We have heights, we have voices....now we need a run down on the Siblings personality! Then the trilogy will be complete...and then I can (affectionately) release Stellar from my 6 star basement of adorableness.

HAHAHA OKAY!! I will do as you ask for the safe return of my baby girl 🙏

Void

Confident, calculating, and unnerving.

Rarely without a smile on his face.

Has the energy of an apex predator. Unflinchingly comfortable in spite of any danger, having never known what it feels like to be prey.

Strongest out of his siblings and the leader of their little trio.

Manipulative and power hungry.

His creators have no real control over him. They've created a monster.

Views life as a game and himself as the main character. Doesn't recognize other people as actual people, only as pawns for him to play with. If they don't play the game they way he likes, he breaks them.

Taller than both Sonic and Shadow. Doesn't view either of them as parents, only genetic donors.

He sees Shadow in particular as his prototype.

Only acknowledges other people as important if they have great power or something that he recognizes as stand-out.

Has never known defeat nor fear. Both of these things have the power to shatter his world view.

His siblings are afraid of him for good reason.

Who is to say what his sexuality is??? Probably power-sexual. 😂 He would only ever be attracted to someone based off of strength or what they could offer him.

Andromeda

Short-tempered, snide, and bitter.

A gloomy person over all, almost always in a perpetual state of scowling.

The emotional core of the failed experiment trio. Does her best to keep Void and Polarity from killing each other.

Deeply envious of Stellar and her happy relationship with Sonic and Shadow. Wonders why she wasn't found and whisked away to a better life.

Awful self-esteem. Knows she is unhappy with her life in Cosmic Labs, but doesn't see any way out. At least she has a place she belongs if she stays inside the box that was made for her.

Cares for both Void and Polarity, but doubts if Void returns that sentiment. She and Polarity are close, getting along well when they are alone.

Pressured by their creators to get Void to behave. Since they cannot punish him, Andromeda and Polarity are often punished in his stead.

Secretly craves love, affection, and praise. Despite this, she chooses to fight Stellar whenever they encounter one another instead of accepting her offerings of sisterhood.

If she had to pick between Void or Polarity, she'd pick Polarity.

She is a lesbian!

Polarity

Hot-headed, resentful, and explosive.

The weakest of the siblings (including Stellar) and he knows it. Only outdoes them in speed.

Has an extremely tumultuous relationship with Void. He is constantly trying to prove himself to their creators, but is outshone by his elder brother.

Despite this, he trains harder than either of his siblings, and is often covered in bandages from overworking himself.

Takes the most after Sonic despite everything, and is a fun-loving, quick-witted, and gentle person at his core. If isolated and given enough time to open up, he is actually very sweet.

Only ever confides in Andromeda, and cares about her deeply. He will often step in and take punishments in her stead.

A closeted nerd. Has a stash of old comic books that were given to him by a generous lab worker that he has read cover to cover countless times. He could quote any scene from memory.

Often speaks out against Void and his methods. Void has gotten very good a tuning him out on missions.

Lowest chaos energy reading of all Project Stellar experiments, but cannot be beat in willpower and determination. Notable for his inability to ever give up.

Has constant dark circles around his eyes from lack of sleep and stress. Rarely ever rests.

He is bisexual!

Original post with Stellar's failed lab sibs if they had survived:

#answered asks #lore dump #sibling au #fankid au #void the hedgehog #andromeda the hedgehog #polarity the hedgehog #stellar the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonadow #shadonic #sonadow fankid #sonadow fanchild #sth #sonic #to everyone thinking void would be a good big brother....... sorry #maybe in an au where Shadow found all four of them

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Mario Land

Debut: Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins

So I was lying awake in bed, thinking. What is up with Mario Land? Everyone knows that the setting of the first Super Mario Land game is Sarasaland. Nintendo loves to vaguely allude to it in character descriptions for Princess Daisy! But where does Super Mario Land 2 take place? Well, it’s in Mario Land, of course! Now, Super Mario Land does not take place in Mario Land. It takes place in a Land, in which Mario is a participant, but he doesn’t own the Land, just as he doesn’t own the World or the Galaxy. But he does own Mario Land!

Nothing is really clear about how Mario came to own Mario Land. Nintendo Power once described it as his ‘kingdom’, while the Wiki describes it as Mario’s ‘private island’. Lots of people immediately remark on how odd it is that Mario owns a castle in this game, and they’re right! It is odd! We don’t think of Mario as an avaricious man. He is a humble, working class individual. He lives in a cottage with his brother despite being a world-renowned hero. Except here, where he owns an entire landmass, with a castle! My personal canon, in my head, was that Peach or someone else gifted him with a large chunk of land and a castle as a reward for his heroic deeds. It seems the most likely, given what we know about Mario! But why couldn’t he settle for a vacation home, or anything of the sort? Why are we placing the responsibility of land ownership on such a modest soul? 

I think what is the strangest thing about Mario Land, to me, is that despite being Mario’s Land, it is so devoid of allies. Mario Land is vast and untamed, a collection of wacky themed zones filled with creatures entirely hostile to Mario! There are no maids or servants from Mario’s Castle, who fled Wario’s invasion. There are no Toads or Toad houses to aid Mario in his quest. Mario is entirely alone in a Land that bears his name, but his name only. Once his only symbol of power, his castle, is gone, Mario is back where he began, all alone in this foreign land. All the material goods in the world could not fill the void of - wait I’m sorry I completely forgot a key detail of Mario Land 2’s plot is that Wario put all of Mario Land’s inhabitants under a spell! False alarm everyone!

Everyone in Mario Land is actually Super Nice actually and was just brainwashed by Wario, who has the power of dark magic. The Big Bird from Tree Zone and the Octopus from Turtle Zone, and also Spikey, they all love Mario and see him as their king. I was gonna say the Witch too, but it seems the witch was Wario’s friend. Or are they Wario’s minions? If so, where are the inhabitants of Mario Land? Are they in hiding? We never see them! Who does Mario rule over? Is Spikey a wild animal? A brainwashed citizen of Mario’s country? Or an ally of the wicked and greedy Wario?

And of course, we have to discuss the matter of the Mario Zone. Mario was not content with having a Land, he needed to have a Zone in that Land, which is also Mario! It is actually one big Mario, a mechanical automaton built in his likeness. Mario has always expressed an interest in making toys of himself, as we see in the Mario Vs. Donkey Kong series, so it stands to reason that his major construction project would be just that, but bigger! 

Or maybe the Mario Zone always existed, before Mario came to Mario Land. Maybe it’s named Mario Land because one of its most famous natural formations is a giant wind-up toy that looks like Mario! And Mario’s Castle is named that by coincidence. I don’t know! I don’t have answers to any questions, ever! I literally don’t know anything! I’m going to bed!

Just kidding! I’m not going to bed. This post is a bit, um... rambly. But I thought it would be a shame to conclude it without appreciating how whimsical Mario Land is as a whole! There is a giant pumpkin with haunted woods inside it! There is a hippo that takes you to space! There is a turtle that swallows you and takes you underwater to a whale! There is a house that is just kind of a normal house but forces you to be really small to enter it! But I probably don’t need to tell you all that! It’s kind of what makes SML2 so wonderful! 

Would YOU live in Mario land? Would you want a monarchy as long as Super Mario is your benevolent ruler? What do you think of the giant turtle? Please let us know what you think of the giant turtle in the comments below. I don’t know. 

#mario #mario locations #mario land #super mario land 2 #mod f boy

[the-unrelated-theorist]

...but nobody came.

Man. So many characters in these games have major abandonment issues.

Flowey with "nobody came", which the Echo Flower dialogue confirms is him speaking from experience, feeling like Toriel forgot all about him, or worse, was glad to be rid of him.

Spade King saying the Lightners left the Darkners behind and forgot all about them.

Jevil being locked up and having no one to play with.

Spamton saying he was left to rot at the bottom of a dumpster.

Susie telling Kris in the "New Girl" post that someday someone would take Kris away and Toriel would forget all about them, or even be glad to be rid of them. Susie is definitely transferring her experiences onto Kris.

We don't know what Kris said to Susie in "New Girl", but one theory is "I know," or "Good." While this is only a fan theory (and one I don't agree with), it is worth noting that "...but nobody came" also appears in Snowgrave Spamton Neo whenever Kris calls for help.

Gaster was lost in the void, shattered across space and time. And now no one remembers him, except for his followers, who can't even speak about him directly without fear. (I'm including Jevil and Spamton as Gaster followers- they certainly came in contact with him.) This is just my own headcanon, but I often imagine Gaster waking up in the void, and his first thoughts being, "Where am I? It's so dark, and so cold," screaming, crying, begging for help... but nobody came.

For each of these characters, even if the exact dialogue isn't used, they all have an aura about them of "...but nobody came." All of them have at some point felt alone, trapped, and helpless, and nobody came to their rescue. Granted, this hasn't been positively confirmed for Susie, but given that she almost quotes Flowey when she screams at Kris, it's easy to deduce that she also had a "...but nobody came" time in her life.

And so many other characters face rejection or abandonment, as well. Toriel divorced Asgore in both timelines, leaving him desperate to see his children and his wife again. Shyren lost her voice when Shyra fell down. Maddie and Mettaton both ran off to fuse with their own bodies, leaving Napstablook alone. No one can remember Ruins Dummy's name. Mettaton was Alphys' friend until he became a big... heh, sorry, I almost said "big shot" (fitting, tho, isn't it?). So Alphys felt abandoned until she met Undyne... and then if you kill Undyne, Alphys disappears, apparently having committed suicide. Snowy left home because his mother fell down and his father hated his jokes, so Snowy felt abandoned. Ralsei is described as "the lonely prince." All of the Darkners feel abandoned by the Lightners. Queen divorced Spade King because he neglected her. Spade King pushes Lancer away- or, possibly, outright abuses him- so Lancer calls Rouxls his "Lesser Dad," even though Rouxls largely pushes him away, as well. Papyrus...

Papyrus...

"Forgettable." Still striving for a double-digit follower count on Undernet. Can't get into the Royal Guard. Works himself to the bone but can't get any recognition, much less a friend. May have "left home due to happiness." And most important, has a brother who is willing to avenge his death.

Everyone loves Papyrus. Everyone knows his name. More people talk about Papyrus than about his brother. holidaygirl1225 is asking everyone if they know how to find his egg again. Undyne is Papyrus' best friend. Alphys thinks his posts on Undernet are hilarious. The biggest differences in the ending for neutral runs fixate on whether you spared him or killed him. He even becomes king if he's the only one left alive. Why does Chara call him "Forgettable"? Why does he not think he has any friends? It's honestly a bit like Susie saying, "Why would anybody really wanna be my friend, anyway?" Except that he never lets himself say exactly that- but his whole attitude of "I can't make any friends, I have to work hard for people to like me" says it all.

It's like he does have an abandonment issue, but he's not giving in to it. Did he... Was he... was sans the only one who ever came when he called? Is that why these two are inseparable?

Much as I would like to leave this essay on this dramatic note about everyone's favorite skeleton, I also want to mention Dess. Most people believe that Dess is the one singing, "Don't forget, I'm with you in the dark." This feels like the exact opposite of "...but nobody came." How is she holding onto hope? Even though a lot of people miss her, nobody's looking for her anymore. They've all moved on. All except... her sister. Can Dess see Noelle searching for her? Who exactly is with Dess in the dark, anyway? The player, I presume, but could it be someone else?

#deltarune #but nobody came #flowey #spade king #jevil #spamton #susie #kris #gaster #toriel #asgore #shyren #shyra #mad dummy #mad mew mew #mettaton #napstablook #gaster followers #alphys #undyne #snowdrake #ralsei #darkners #lightners #papyrus #sans #dess #noelle #analysis #my theory

[paramountpetrichor]

hate that i cant send asks on my side blog-

but hi! im void! and im absolutely Obsessed with ur art and the ships u talk about and- and-

*clears throat and tents hands together calmly* im here to lose my mind a bit :3

some Rambles of a few ships that i just. love a lot OTL

obviously love eclipse/earth. theyre just. its perfect! eclipse Really needs someone to pamper and take care of him sweetly but also Not tolerate his bullshit while also being gentle. his main drive is getting the reaction he wants, so wut if he doesnt get it? well then he has to find other ways to make ppl react how he wants and earth shows him how to get that satisfaction while not hurting ppl! its really easy to get a quick reaction out of ppl when u just give em a quick kiss. a small peck or two. like a small harmless prank! and she cheers him on as he (consensually) kisses the entire family. ofc he kisses her too. earth is the big sister that hes always needed and DAMNIT is she gonna help him get better <3

another earth ship but... solar/earth. AGAIN. SOOO MUCH POTENTIAL!! THEYRE SO CLOSE AND BONDED AND SO FUCKING FLUFFY!!!!!! im surprised how little ppl talk about solar/earth despite HOW FUCKING GOOD AND EASY ITD BE TO SHIP THEM. they were gonna make lil stuffies with each other and she was gonna make a bunny and he was gonna make a snake and theyd be friends!!!!! GGAAAAAAHHHHHH OTL and dont even get me STARTED on how she cried and said "i wanted to ask if he wanted to be my brother" FUCK DUUUUDDDEE

okayokayokay.. moving on...... i think we all know of moon/eclipse. literally the tension between them HURTS to witness. "want me to get on my knees back there sweetie?" "want me to bark for u?" "kiss my boot while ur at it" LIKE????? ECLIPSE STFU STOP BEING GAY!!!!!!!!! i can just imagine HOW MUCH that flusters moon and he tries SO HARD to hide it but. its *so* obvious. ALSO the added bonus of the whole enemies to lovers thing??? also wut u talked about earlier in ur own post about how their relationship would slowly develop is SO GOOOOODDDDD

sun/moon.... always the classic. the otp of them all. can never escape them. something i wanted to ask YOU was how do u think moon/sun realized they were attracted to the other?? i bet itd be something like super small like the other doing something silly and them just going "oh *shit*" AND I AGREE that theyd be SOOOO TOUCHY!!!! hugs and kisses and cuddles and hand holding ALL THE DAMN TIME!!! u can NOT EVER separate them! they r a packaged deal!!!!

im a HUGE sun/eclipse shipper tho i usually dont imagine them as being incestuous but... its fun to consider 👀 he gets redeemed and added back into the family and UH OH- he has feelings for the sun :] wut will he ever do!!!! (obviously kiss him. clearly the only correct answer) BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS i think itd be a Really Good slow burn between the 2. i feel like eclipse would be Super ashamed of himself for having a Crush on his Brother of all ppl!! but.... it wouldnt hurt too much, would it? i feel like in general the family would already be a big mess of polyamory but eclipse doesnt Know for a while. they THOUGHT it was obvious that like- its normal for them to kiss each other. but he didnt know!!! so hes like. super fucking shocked to maybe like one day walk in on a pair of them kissing the other (i say sun n moon :3c) and being super fucking confused and conflicted like. THIS IS A THING?? THIS IS NORMAL FOR THEM???? honest to god i wanna write this as a silly oneshot maybe- but dw! bc in the end sun and eclipse DO KISS!!!! THEY GET TO BE GAY IN THE END!!

this is getting so fucking long and im so sorry so ill limit myself to only ONE more ship- solar/jack. on my main i say "oh no it isnt incest i just like creator/creation" but... we all know y we're here/silly TJERES SO MUCH POTENTIALL!!! jack/everyone is great but i ESPECIALLY love solar/jack bc jack Really needs the gentle guiding hand of a parent to help him understand the world better. sweet baby boy needs a bit of help understanding things. but dont worry! solar is here to help!!

also just in general. lunar is a little shit. he goes after Everyone. no one is safe from him. there is no escape from the wrath that is lunars affection :3c

i would ramble more but this has gotten So Fucking Long and its like 1am and im not even gonna go back and spellcheck/edit this so im just sending it and hoping it makes sense :'3

HOPE U HAVE A GOOD DAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!

rubs my grimy little hands together. ive been WAITING for time to answer this big boy ask and now I've got it muahahaha

well actually first off, ADHDKAFAJSGA THANK YOUUU 🥺🥺 <3 the whole ass reason i create things is bc i like seeing people's reactions to what my silly little mind cooks up, so knowing you like my gay kissy robots simply makes me wanna create More >:3 and yes please feel free to lose your mind in my inbox any time, any hour /gen

YAYAYAYA ECLIPSEARTH YAYAYAYAYA!!! god you're so right, they are Objectively good together and i Can't be convinced otherwise. Earth won't take Eclipse's bs, but she also won't go about calling him out on it in a mean way. she politely asks why he's Like That, what she can do to help, and then she just has to stand there Confused when Eclipse runs away cause his ass is NOT used to genuine sincerity and his mechanical heart starts beating out of his chest at even the slightest sign of it!!! also just ascended to the heavens over the thought of Eclipse kissing Earth for the first time (cause i feel like Earth would initiate all the kisses at first :3c) and Earth just explodes into giggles and stims. Eclipse is even more flustered- he's grumbling and hiding his face away as Earth tries to kiss his rays cause "you were supposed to be embarrassed- not happy!!!" andand one more thing- the thing where you said how Earth would encourage Eclipse to go give everyone kisses? *Inhale*. HELL FUCKING YEAHAHHAHAHHA!!!!! ourghhh Eclipse and Moon are bickering per usual and then Eclipse just shuts hi up by kissing him... and now Moon is thinking about that for Days. then Eclipse pulls that on Sun. and Lunar. and on every Other celestial until he's kissed everyone, and then he approaches Earth like a proud cat about it, explaining who he kissed and how he did it all while preening like a peacock. (he wants kisses from her as a reward, dammit!!!) agajsgqja eclipsearth hhh theyre so cuteee hhh i need to draw them smooching so bad hhh

KWGIWGIQGA YES NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE TALK ABOUT SOLAR AND EARTH. and tbh i think the reason so Few peeps talk abt them is Because (as much as i love it) of the fact that Earth canonically considers Solar her brother. that pushes many Normies away from even making au's where they're together, which is what solarmoon's normally do bc they were shipping solarmoon Before Moon ever even though of Solar as family. the content-craving part of me brain kinda wishes Earth never called Solar brother bc there would've been sooooo much ship art of the two after that episode if so istg. ...but the proship brain LOVES that she called him brother cause now i have more reasoning to make them kith >:3 i bet when Solar comes back (bc he will and if he doesn't i'm gaslighting myself into believing he is <3) he and Earth are gonna have little playdates with the things they crochet together... their bunny and snake end up on a little date and Earth and Solar are giggling like teenagers whenever they flirt w each other through their respective plushy <3<3<3 and then at the end of it whenever the two plushes bonk their heads together in a kiss EA&SO KISS TOO and JAFUSFAIGA AUGHHH THEY'RE SO CUUUTEEE

anon i will literally /p marry you. you just gave me an excuse to yell about mooneclipse. *Ahem*. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!1!1!!1! I FUCKING LOVE MOONECLIPSE!!!1!!!11!!1! ik i've previously screamed about how i think their relationship would develop, but i haven't talked about the slowburn enough yet. sooo... hi not to make this a Lil raunchy but: Eclipse saddling up behind Moon while Moon's in p&s, Eclipse presses his chest against Moon's back, wrapping his arms around his torso and murmuring teases mixed in with Very Family Friendly things in his ear. Moon is torn between leaning his head back to start kissing the sonuva bitch, or if he should smack Eclipse's head 180° around with a wrench. (spoiler: he goes with the first option :3) mooneclipse Also good whenever i can shove Sun in there bc if Sun ever walked in on the two making out he'd never recover. that's all he'll be thinking about for the next year, and the year after that if it happens again. he wants to be in-between them so baddd afaksfaksfaga

SPEAKING about Sun, SUN/MOON YEHAHAHAHAHAH!!! and oh ohh i TOTALLY agree with the Super Small thing. i think it was a fell first, fell harder situation with Specifically Sun and New Moon. Sun fell first, and N.M fell harder. thas' because S&M were already a Thing during the Old Moon days, sooo Sun already had them-there feelings, and New Moon, in all his dorky, smart, trying-his-best glory, just MADE THEM WORSE doing the tiniest little things. like, y'know that high-pitched screechy laugh Moon does whenever he's laughing too hard? Sun heard him do that for the first time and the urge to kiss Moon struck Sun so hard he got a lil dizzy. there were so many times before the two got together where Sun would just Stare at Moon, not listening to whatever tf he was saying and just admiring every inch of him. and Sun only snapped out of it whenever he heard his own rays whirring a mile a minute isgsigsogaoga. BUT. but, New Moon fell harder. if i were to assign a canon moment in the timeline where i think he realized his feelings for Sun, it would be when Sun comforted him during his breakdown over Solar. like Moon, on the verge of passing out, feels himself being cradled into Sun's chest as he carries him to bed and oh no oh fuck oh shit this isn't brotherly love he's feeling it's not it's not. and then whenever Sun brings him sushi the next morning Moon accidentally starts thinking of it like a lil breakfast date and that thought has him shaking and JAFAUFIAGIAG they're so CUTE and AWKWARDN and SOSOSO cuddly whenever they finally get together. Sun has to be on Moon's lap at least once everyday or else he'll be Pouty.

THE WAY YOU FLAVORED THIS SPECIFIC VERSION OF SUNECLIPSE MADE ME ISGIAFIFAIGAIGIA. YESSSSS. Eclipse feels so bad about catching feelings for his new brother, but... the Celestials are already More physically affectionate with each other than normal siblings are, and Eclipse Swears he sometimes catches them all coming out of each other's rooms wearing each other's clothes, and most importantly why does it seem like Sun is flirting with him all the time??? (< cause he Is lmao) Eclipse walks in on S&M making out- Sun having his whole ass legs wrapped around Moon's waist and Eclipse fucking just.🧍‍♂️. "hELLO???!?! HELLO!!?!?!?!1?!" and then S&M Still take like a solid minute to Fully pull away cause. whaaat d'you waaaaant Eclipse can't you see they're busy??? ...unless you wanna Join them, ofc :) (< Eclipse explodes on the spot /vpos)

ON MY KNEES. FINALLY, ANOTHER WHO SEES MY SOLAR/JACK VISION. i'unno if you are a Reader of my Ao3, but if you Aren't, then you should know i think jack starts doing romance stuff alllll thanks to Lunar. he is a Horrible influence. Lunar tells him about kissing, flirting, seduction, the Things That Come After That that i can't say in interest of keeping this post Tame uagigaigaigs. aaand then Jack wants to try all those things on Solar!!! cause who better to love on then your own creator!!! someone walks in on Solar with Jack in his lap one day, and they are very close together, Almost kissing, and then Solar Shrieks and tries to act like he wasn't about to kiss Jack. he's just- he's just doing repairs!!! that's all!!!! thaaat's all!!!!! (Jack is so confused- is he a bad kisser? what did he do wrong :( [< he did Nothing wrong Solar just has Anxiety usgwgigwigw])

AAAND last but not least, yes, Lunar has gone for everyone once, twice, thrice, and probably even more for Some. if someone were to ask him his body count he'd have to Swiftly change the subject out of fear of Never Living Down The Truth Igiahagaig

it took me like over 3 hours to write all this out AHAHHAHAH hope i matched your Hype when it comes to these ships cause theyre all AHAHHJHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

#celestialcest #celestial proship #talky tag #asks tag #cloudystar #cloudymechanic #sleepystar #sleepyanxiety #anxietystar #and a New one for sol//ar and ja//ck: #mechanicpumpkin #:] #a huge mess (celestial polycule tag)

[thesmallworldofsamizayn]

Please do!!

Well If You Insist!

(copied right out of the drafts <3) (long)

okay beatle roys. they don’t map perfectly at all, but if you absolutely HAD to, im sorry roman but you are george. yeah sure romey we know you’re a good songwriter you can have 2 on this album how’s about that? as smart as or maybe smarter than his siblings/bandmates but doesnt have a genius complex unlike them so is forced to play their games. including their mind games with each other. didn’t want to go on the roof; ended up on the roof. kendall is paul, ‘big brothering’ the little angry guy on the bus who he’ll always see as a little kid even though there’s like 2 years between them for christ’s sake. in terms of age seniority john might be the kendall equivalent but unfortunately paul was ACTUALLY an older brother and he brought that energy to the band, and the john/george alliance against paul reeks much more strongly of roman and shiv teaming up to peck their golden boy older sibling than anything george and paul had together against john. and to those who would say roman’s too much of a dick to be sweet peaceable george, he’s actually nicer okay cause he refused to sign the letter decrying kendall as a bipolar drug addict but george played slide guitar on how do you sleep quite happily.

on the subject of kendall, his depressive lows may seem more john but his manic highs? his big creative visions? his costumes (he got one for roman too)? his general addiction to the spotlight? his droopy eyes? his inability to have swag despite his charm and talents? the way his siblings close ranks against him when he tries to make a stand? the way he's a cog built to fit one machine and paul mccartney's state after the beatles broke up Actually im getting sad let's change the subject? looking for pussy like a fuckin techno gatsby? non zero chance of having done a collab with kanye west/wanted to do one? paul. he’s paul. 

but it’s tough because shiv is the least easy to pin down as her age and gender relations with the rest of the family put her the furthest from john, and she ends up being at best a combo of all three - the underestimated and undermined baby (george) the repressed thwarted leader failgirl (paul) and the hotheaded bastard who's smart but not as smart as she thinks she is (john). but that john role gets much more delectable when you have kendall as paul, or at least if you think of them as the core duo in some way - im thinking of that crushing final scene between them, like take 'I want a divorce' and multiply it by a hundred holy fuck. she respects him, but she needs to prove herself better than him constantly. she needs validation just the same as he does but she's determined to believe/put out that everything she does is entirely under her own steam and that other people are pawns to her. her relationships with logan and mattson remind me of john with authority figures he would latch onto in the hope that they'd fill the void left by his parents, before realising they were phonies trying to get something from him and angrily discarding them.

honestly actually while shiv is the hardest to map clearly john is also the hardest from the beatles end cause there's a lot going on there from childhood trauma that any one of the roys can relate to, and his brand of cruel wit fits them all to an extent as well - but this is the configuration i like the most. also her spouse broke up the band

of course connor maps onto ringo perfectly do i even need to explain it - actually i do cause people might just take that to mean i’m saying ringo was useless or ignored. no he was the older brother everyone loved and who loved everybody, who was an only child for most of his childhood and was so happy to get three brothers/siblings even though they happened to be the worst people alive.

there you have it. and logan. is allen klein (kendall dreams he is being hunted down by him as a dentist)

oh one more thing - kendall as paul is right because he's the only one who's a documented beatles FAN lol

#sure i'll tag this. the people deserve to know #roman roy #kendall roy #shiv roy

[melanielocke]

The Stars Collide - Chapter One

When Prince Charles of Fair dies suddenly and unexpectedly, his widower Alastair has to remarry a different noble soon to keep the treaty between their planets intact. He ends up marrying Thomas, the son of the Duke of Lightwood and together they have to navigate the perils of politics, marriage, and possibly love.

But Alastair has been keeping secrets, and not everyone is so happy about their match, and the two of them will have to fight to keep their marriage, the treaty, and their lives.

This is the start of a new TLH sci-fi AU loosely based on Winter's Orbit by Everina Maxwell, the first chapter posted today for Jaimie's birthday, congratulations!

Chapter list

Next chapter

‘You can’t be serious.’

Thomas wasn’t sure what he’d just walked into in aunt Charlotte’s throne room, but Matthew seemed upset. The past two months hadn’t been easy on him, Thomas knew that. Matthew and Charles had never been close, and Matthew had often claimed to hate his older brother, but that didn’t make losing him any easier. If anything, Thomas had always believed it made it harder, to lose someone you were on bad terms with.

‘I’m sorry, am I interrupting?’ Thomas asked.

His father had wanted him to speak to Charlotte about something political, Thomas was hardly an expert but he had all the files on his phone. He was starting to think that had been a mistake, why not wait until Charlotte was out of mourning?

‘Yes,’ Queen Charlotte said at the same time Matthew said ‘No.’

‘I can come back another time,’ Thomas said.

‘You are staying,’ Mathew decided. ‘Thomas, help me out here. Not only am I expected to follow in Charles’ footsteps as new crown prince, take on all his stupid responsibilities, but I’m also to marry his widower.’

Thomas stared at Matthew, then at Charlotte. ‘Wait, what?’

‘Thomas, please don’t take it personally, but I would rather discuss this with my son in private.’

‘I’m not marrying Alastair!’ Matthew shouted. ‘He hates me. He’ll hate me even more if he ends up chained to me. It’s going to be a disaster. And I still don’t understand what’s the point to it.’

‘Matthew, this is serious. Without this marriage, our treaty with Turan is void.’

Turan was a nearby planet and one of seven in Queen Charlotte’s alliance. Intergalactic peace was dependent on such treaties kept by marriage, only then the sovereignty of their seven planets would be recognized. There were so many powers out there in the universe, empires so big Thomas was unable to wrap his head around it and if the treaty fell, any of them could invade if they chose to.

Thomas had always thought it was unfair to force marriages upon people for the sake of a treaty, Charlotte did too, but when the alternative was being invaded by an intergalactic empire Thomas understood sacrifices had to be made. Despite being the Queen of a planet, Charlotte didn’t make the rules.

‘And I’m not the only one who can uphold that treaty. Any noble will suffice. Even Thomas here could do it.’

Thomas’ father was the Duke of Lightwood and one of Charlotte’s closest allies from her own planet, and therefore Thomas had grown up knowing the ins and outs of the treaties, the various limitations his father and Charlotte had in improving Fair’s laws. Any mistake and their recognition as protected territory was void. Thomas had always avoided working in politics for that very reason, it was far too anxiety inducing. He didn’t want to spend his time thinking about the prospect of the Fair Planet falling into enemy hands if he messed up.

Matthew, unfortunately, seemed to have skipped this part of his education. He’d never cared much for politics and as the younger son he’d never had to. Thomas hadn’t either, but he’d been interested when he was young. He spoke the common language from each of the seven planets of the alliance at least. A good thing, because with Barbara gone and Eugenia working in medicine, Thomas was the heir.

‘I could,’ Thomas said. ‘Marry Alastair, that is. To uphold the treaty, and everything.’

Thomas wasn’t sure why he said what he was saying. Alastair was grieving. He’d never wanted anything to do with Thomas, or Matthew, or anyone outside Charles really. Even if Thomas did feel attracted to Alastair, even if there was a chance Alastair could like him, this was not the right time. Except for the treaty, of course. They would have to find another Turan noble, or find Alastair a new partner and with the official mourning period soon ending, they were running out of time.

Charlotte frowned. ‘You’re serious, Thomas?’

‘Someone has to do it, right? Did you speak to Alastair about it? Did he note any preferences? I mean, I can’t imagine Matthew would be his choice.’

Thomas wouldn’t be either, he knew that. He wasn’t Charles and he had no clue what he was getting himself into. For the treaty, he told himself. And for Matthew too.

‘Alastair understands how important this treaty is,’ Charlotte said. ‘His only request was for a male partner. So I guess you would suffice, Thomas. Don’t take this lightly though. We could all die if your union isn’t recognized.’

‘I won’t,’ Thomas said and if he wasn’t supposed to take this lightly, why on earth had Charlotte ever considered Matthew for this role?

‘I don’t understand why you did that, but thank you,’ Matthew said once they walked out of Charlotte’s throne room.

‘You’re right, you and Alastair would have been a disaster,’ Thomas said.

‘And you and Alastair won’t be?’

‘We’ll see,’ Thomas said. ‘Truth to be told, I barely know him. But someone has to do it or we’ll all die and I do speak the Turan language so I guess that helps with the political alliance stuff.’

‘Is that necessary?’ Matthew asked. ‘I didn’t even know.’

‘I don’t know,’ Thomas said. ‘Right now I’m more concerned with Alastair. And I’m concerned with you too, Matthew. I know what happened to Charles affects you.’

‘I’ve worked through that,’ Matthew said. ‘I’m fine. I never liked him anyway.’

Thomas didn’t believe that for a second, but he never knew how to approach sensitive subjects with Matthew. Whatever he tried, Matthew bounced it right off and pretended everything was fine. Matthew had quit drinking, but Thomas might have been able to convince him to seek help earlier had he known how to break through that shield.

Matthew waved his hand dramatically. ‘I still can’t believe you just volunteered to get married. I mean, I know you’ve always thought he was hot but still.’

‘Yeah, me neither,’ Thomas said with a sigh.

Alastair packed up the last from his belongings. He would be moving out of the Crown Prince’s rooms soon. Queen Charlotte had been generous to let him stay here for the time being, but Prince Matthew would want to move in soon. As he understood it, Matthew had refused to marry him at all costs and Alastair couldn’t blame him. Matthew wouldn’t have been his choice either, but he’d let it up to the Queen. In all her wisdom, she’d found him a different nobleman to marry apparently. Someone who’d volunteered for it. Alastair would have to do his best not to let him down then. Not like he’d let Charles down.

A stroke, they’d said. Uncommon at Charles’ age, but then he’d always been a heavy smoker. Apparently heart disease ran in the Branwell family and all things combined Charles had just gotten unlucky. Still, Alastair could not quite believe it. He had been married to Charles for six years. And while it had been a political union, Alastair had loved him more than anything.

He went back to the day he and Charles had first met. It was something Alastair had always been able to do, go back in time in his own head, replay his memories before his eyes as if they were happening right then. In time he’d even learnt to access the memories of other people, something Charles had encouraged. Recover them, and with some effort even removing or changing memories became possible. Alastair preferred to stay out of other people’s heads, but his gifts had had their use to Charles.

No one knew why he was like this, and Alastair wished he did sometimes. It happened sometimes that people were born different like him, but not often. His mother often told him he’d been blessed by the stars. To Alastair that sounded rather meaningless.  

The first day he’d met Charles had been at Turan’s palace. Alastair had been a minor prince there, his mother a second cousin to the Shah, just closely related enough to still have the title. On most other planets, Alastair wouldn’t even hold the title of prince, but this was Turan’s strategy to make sure there were always enough princes around to marry off to foreign nobles. He’d been visiting the Shah’s palace at the same time Charles had. His family had lived on a recluse estate back then, to keep Father’s problems hidden, but Alastair couldn’t hide forever, he’d wanted to do his duty and get politically involved.

Charles had wanted to propose to the Shah’s younger brother first. Politically, he’d been the better option. Wealthier, more influential. It had been a coincidence he’d encountered Alastair during his visit to the library, that they’d struck up a conversation about intergalactic politics, how they were all trapped between empires so big they were beyond their imagining. How Charles had wanted to change that. Alastair had been so charmed by him, he never could have imagined Charles could be interested in someone like him.

Charles had proposed to him a week after. Alastair had said yes immediately. He’d said goodbye to his family and left with Charles to go back to the Fair Planet where they’d lived for the past six years.

It had taken some getting used to. Gravity was lighter on Fair. Most of the planet was ocean, except the water was fresh rather than salty. Fair was one of the biggest exporters of fresh water this part of the galaxy. He missed home sometimes, he missed speaking his own language, his sister. He hadn’t spoken to her in so long.

Alastair took his bag with belongings outside the room and through the courtyard of the palace, and looked at the night’s sky. With a telescope he might be able to see Turan on a night this clear, the closest he’d been to his home in a long time. He still had a treaty to keep up, and soon he would be meeting his new husband. Alastair was far from ready to remarry. He didn’t think he could ever get it right. But he could protect the treaty.

Taglist: @alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer @thefoxandthefound @life-through-the-eyes-of @styxdrawings @justanormaldemon @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised @amchara @all-for-the-fanfiction@imsoftforthomastair @ddepressedbookworm @queenlilith43 @wagner-fell @cant-think-of-anything @laylax13s

#Alastair Carstairs #Thomas Lightwood #Matthew Fairchild #Charlotte Fairchild #The Last Hours #fanfiction #Star's Collide #Thomastair

[scribbledquillz]

Dragon Age: Origins OC as PC - soundset and banter edition

Thanks to @wild-houseplant for putting this meme on my dash - I love banter memes for my OCs. :D

I'm not sure who has and hasn't done this yet, so I'll just leave it at whoever wants in, do the thing and say I tagged you. Better yet, @ me so I can see your answers!

Warden’s name: Revka Tabris

Voice option: Curt, clear, and lower pitched than expected with a thick Ferelden accent. Listed in the voice options menu as "Blunt".

Soundset

Select PC: "Ready." / "Let's get on with it." / "Shall we?" / "Excellent."

Bonus options -

High approval: "I'm with you." / "I've got your back."

Low approval: *irritated* "Again?" / "If we must."

Unselect PC: "Really?" / "Sod it." / "Maker's ass." / "Alright."

Bonus options -

High approval: "Be careful." / "Are you sure?"

Low approval: "Make up your blighted mind." / "*disgruntled sigh*"

Combat attack: "You're going to regret this!" / "Didn't think this one through, did you?" / "The big one is mine!" / "*sigh* By the Void, it never ends." / "Hit them where it hurts!"

Mana/stamina low: "Come on, Tabris, keep it together!" / "Getting tired of this shit!" / "The Void do they keep coming from?!" / "This isn't going to end well." / "*angry, violent yell*"

Heal me: "Alright, that one hurt." / "Won't last long like this!" / "Nothing a salve won't fix." / "That's going to leave a scar." / "I'm fine, keep fighting!"

Near death: "This *gasp* isn't good." / "Shit shit shit blighted bloody SHIT!" / "Andraste give me strength..." / "I'll take this bastard with me!"

Bonus options - if Broken Circle is completed / the party has met her brother: "Tell Ceral *pained noise* I'm sorry." / "Mam... Da... I'll be with you soon."

Enemies sighted: "Eyes up, marks ahead." / "Give me a moment, I'll slip behind them." / "Lovely. More idiots to knock sense into." / "Here I thought we'd seen the last of them." / "Sod off already!"

Dragon sighted: "Holy Maker... it's huge!" / "Right. 'Spose we know which way not to go." / "Thought they were supposed to be gone. How in the Void does something that massive hide?" / "...We can turn back any time, you know."

Bonus options - if Warden instigates fight: "Are you MAD?!" / "We're dead. We're bloody dead." / "I ever tell you you're an ass? Because you are."

Spell/attack failed: "Damn it!" / "Shit, that wasn't right." / "Oh, you lucky son of a..." / "Sit still, would you!"

Fight over, enemies killed: "Everyone still breathing?" / "*grunt* What a waste." / "Hardly broke a sweat." / "Check their pockets. Won't need their coin any longer." / "Could've turned out worse, I 'spose." / "One of these days we'll go somewhere folk don't want us dead."

Companion KO’d: “[Alistair] "Alistair! Shield, damn you!" / "Hold on, Alistair, we're here!" [Dog] *to the one who fell Titan* "Blighted coward! You'll pay for that!" / "Titan! No!" [Leliana] "Someone help Leliana!" [Morrigan] "She's going to be furious when she gets up." [Oghren] "Damn it, Oghren is down!" [Shale] "Oh. Shit. How'd they manage to do that?!" [Sten] "Cover the Qunari!" / "Sten! The Qun demands you get your ass up!" [The Warden] "Hold on! I'm coming!" / "Oh no you don't - you're not allowed to die yet!" / *If in a romance with Revka* "No! Not you!" or "*Name*, don't you dare die on me!" [Wynne] "Shit! Mage down!" / "Wynne needs help!" / *if the truth of her condition is revealed* "Haven't you had enough of dying?" [Zevran] "Zev, if you're faking I swear to the Maker..." / "Zevran doesn't look so good!" / *If in a romance with Revka* "Maker, no! Zevran!" / *to the one who fell him* "I'll kill you!"

Trap sighted: "Watch your feet, trap ahead." / "Trap. Cowards couldn't be bothered to face us themselves."

Bonus option - if Warden triggers trap after being warned about it: "...Really?" / "Are you bloody deaf or just stupid?"

Open chest: "Let me have a go." / "Don't ask why I know how to do this, and I won't ask what you do with what's inside." / "Should have something worth a few coins in here."

Cannot do the thing: "Not happening." / "Shit." / "Right. Plan B?" / "Want me to powder your ass as well?"

#dragon age #dragon age origins #revka tabris #warden as a companion meme #well shit #didn't realize this was sitting in my drafts #it's only two years old right? heh. heh heh...

[spageddy]

theory - diavolo is nightbringer??

this is mostly a joke but yeah. i’ve seen posts explaining why every side character could be nightbringer except diavolo so i am here to fill that void

disclaimer: i haven’t even finished the first game i’m stuck on lesson 27 cuz my cards are shit

nb spoilers ahead

ok so things that could make diavolo nightbringer:

1. he is old as hell and a demon which nightbringer is probably a demon. and old as hell

4. he is crazy overpowered like do we even know the extent of his powers.. he also controls when and how barbatos uses his time lord powers so he has those at his disposal too

2. has a UR card that’s about apple picking and apples are like the forbidden fruit or whatever, what if it was diavolo who gave adam and eve those shits and that’s why adam was stuck in the devildom for a while? if diavolo is nightbringer that explains how adam knows him, also maybe diavolo felt bad for him so that’s why he told him about the ring that could get his ass back to the celestial realm

6. diavolo and nightbringer’s goals are not necessarily in conflict. diavolo wants to build a better relationship between the three realms and nightbringer wants to bring night to the world whatever that means, probably has something to do with the devildom becoming more powerful than the other realms. maybe diavolo wants to become the ruler of all 3 realms so he can make sure things stay peaceful for everyone

73: one other thing nightbringer wants is for MC to be happy which diavolo also wants along with like the entire cast, however nightbringer doesn’t rly give us a choice in the matter and acts like he knows what’s best for us. diavolo is guilty of this sometimes too and can be pushy when he wants something because he thinks he knows what’s good for other people

94. i think diavolo has good intentions but he’s still a sussy baka just like nightbringer. can’t help being a scorpio.. sure he never lies but he’s still kinda shady sometimes. like the whole deal with raphael threatening war if the brothers don’t go back to the celestial realm. when diavolo agreed to let the brothers stay i was like ?? dude they’re gonna nuke everyone what is u doing. his decision only makes sense if he knew michael was just joshing all along (which he probably did because he can tell when people are lying). but in that case why would u go along with the bit like that when the stakes are so high and giving everyone anxiety? not funny babygirl

15. other sussy baka moments are his comments about destiny and shit, knowing full well he has a time butler who can manipulate the past and future to what he wants it to be (this power is probably limited like diavolo from jojo’s power but still crazy to believe in fate when u can literally choose it yourself)

i don’t think past!diavolo could be nightbringer but he might be aware of his other self’s intentions and that’s how he knows we have a connection and trusts us despite barely just meeting each other in this timeline

8. seems like a really long winded and unnecessarily complicated plan to make us go through 80 lessons then cancel that timeline and send us to the past but diavolo has been known to make some pretty big sacrifices for the sake of his goals. he sent us into the past before in lesson 16 where we died but one version of ourself survived so that apparently makes it all ok, also was going to kick us out of the devildom for the sake of his reputation, and some other stuff i forgor

anyway every other demon king has died in combat (with the celestial realm perchance?) so it makes sense that diavolo wants to do everything possible to save his own ass (and the entire world from getting destroyed by the celestial realm) even if it means some of his other selves get obliterated

or maybe none of this means anything and nightbringer is actually just maddi the witch or some shit. sorry for making diavolo sound like an ass i actually like him a lot i just like coming up with silly theories more and solmare’s bad writing makes it easy

#obey me nightbringer #diavolo

[sulky-valkyrie]

“i’m not in love with my best friend” but everyone knows you’re full of shit for alistair and male warden (if you didn’t get the hint Daylen specifically)

Set in a world state where Alistair has no idea he's attracted to men. Why? Because non-queer Alistair is A CRIME. (So it non-queer Morrigan, but she's not in this ficlet so hush.)

~~~

“Ali, Ali,  you alright?”

Vision came back grudgingly.  Alistair touched his temple carefully as he sat up.  “Yeah, I think my bruises have bruises, though.”  

“Let me fix that - Wynne showed me another spell.”  As Daylen’s arm wrapped around his shoulders, he couldn’t hide the small contented sigh he made.  It was stupid, really.  Feeling safe with a mage.  Not because mages were dangerous.  Because they were, well, as Shale put it . . . squishy.  Daylen didn’t wear a helmet, or even chain mail, but he just was so . . . certain all the time.  Cool healing energy soothed his various aches and pains down to a dull tired soreness and he closed his eyes to bask in that blissful absence of hurt.  “Better?”  Daylen asked, stubble brushing his ear.

He shivered at the contact.  “Er . . .”

“Need some more?”  the mage asked with a light chuckle.  “I can do this all day.”

“Uh.”  Where had his tongue gone?  Alistair really hoped it hadn’t gotten into trouble without him.  No, he hoped it hadn’t gotten into trouble at all.  

“C’mon, Ali, does it still hurt or not?”  Daylen’s voice was no longer amused, but concerned.

Alistair shook his head.  “Sorry, no, it’s fine.  I just - magic just feels nice, you know?”  Ugh, why did he always say the dumbest stuff around his fellow Warden?

Daylen patted his shoulder reassuringly with one hand as he held up the other, letting it spark with some kind of purple glow.  “I do know.  Big fan of magic, as you might’ve guessed.”

Maker, how did he always know how to put Alistair at ease too?  He grinned.  “You?  Magic?  Perish the thought.”  He glanced around their newest killing ground.  “Should we keep moving or camp here?”

Daylen frowned.  “I’ll ask Sten.”  As Alistair moved to stand, the mage pushed him back down.  “Oh no, you’re staying put until Wynne checks over my homework.”

He sighed and settled back onto the ground as his fellow Warden walked off.  Getting healed was nearly as exhausting as being in a fight some days.  Maybe he’d just rest his eyes for a bit . . .

“Oh good, you’re not dead.”

Void.  The bloody Antivan.  Hah, bloody.  Because assassin.  Alistair opened one eye.  “Here to fix that?”

“Oh nonononono, my dear Warden,” Zevran tutted.  “I only kill for money.  Or when my life depends on it.  Or when I -”

He sat up.  “What do you want, Zevran?”

The other man crept close and spoke softly.  “I wanted to ask you something.  It’s a bit personal, and you are, after all, quite popular, so getting you alone has been no small feat.”

He tried to scoot back, but there was a tree blocking his exit.  “Um, alright then?”

“Do you have any . . . designs on your fellow brother-in-arms?”

“What?”  Alistair’s face scrunched up in confusion.  “Why would you - he’s my best friend, I don’t - what?”

Zevran arched an eyebrow thoughtfully.  “You haven’t been with a man?”

He shook his head.  “No, I haven’t -” he clamped his mouth shut.  No way he would tell Zevran of all people he was a virgin.  “He’s my best friend.”

“So you wouldn’t mind if I . . . borrowed him?”  The assassin waggled his eyebrows.

Oh Maker.  This was not happening.   “I don’t - why are you even asking me this?”

The elf stood up with a shrug.  “You seem very close, that is all.”

This couldn’t possibly be happening.  “Just promise to feed and walk him.”

“Oh, I can assure you, I’ll do far more than that,” Zevran laughed softly as he patted Alistair’s shoulder and walked away.

Alistair shook his head.  What the fuck just happened there?  Maybe his skull really was cracked.

#dragon age #fanfic writing #prompt fills #alistair theirin #warden amell #zevran arainai #latent queer feelings

[overgrownmoon]

ventpost below i need to yell into the void some more

ok i had dinner and i feel better but man there’s a lot on my mind right now and if i don’t yell about it somewhere i might explode. the problem is i don’t really know who irl might be able to genuinely help me with this issue. let me get into it, while trying to not give out too many personal details.

my baby brother is 17 years younger than me. yea, big gap. he’s actually my half brother, my stepdad and mom got married a few years ago. look, i love my stepdad. i love my bro. but… man, do i have complicated feelings.

i’m terrified we’ll never be close due to the age gap. we might never relate to each other or find common ground. i mean, im gonna move out and he’ll spend most of his childhood knowing me as someone who doesn’t live with him. will he see me as a sibling? will i just be another annoying family member mom makes him say hi to?

how can i even say that part of me is angry he exists? how can i say that and feel good about myself? listen, i dont like feeling that way, but there is a part of me that is so upset that he was born.

my younger brother and I were sat down and told the news when mom was a month pregnant. i spent the moments leading up to that reveal praying that this wouldn’t be a pregnancy announcement. then I had to pretend i wasnt thinking that. i told mama i was happy and felt so guilty, like i was lying. i’m not sure if i wasn’t.

we were never consulted. at no point did mama or my stepdad ask us how we would feel about a new sibling. never were we included in that conversation. i’m sorry, don’t i live here? isn’t this my family? don’t i have a voice in this? it felt unfair, like i wasn’t even considered as someone who would have feelings about this. it’s a huge life change, i would’ve liked to at least be asked! i still feel betrayed. and i feel selfish that i do.

no, i didn’t want a new baby in the house. i was happy with my younger bro and my new stepsister from stepdad’s side, who lives in a different state than me. i thought our family was enough. when the baby was announced, i suddenly felt that maybe i wasn’t enough. maybe me and my brother weren’t enough.

are we not enough? why did mama want another? did we not love her enough? did my stepdad not love us enough? why would they have felt that they needed a new baby between them, a new child born from their marriage, when we kids were already there? what sort of need did they feel to “validate” or “deepen their bond?” y’all are married, we had the ceremony and everything, was it not enough? i don’t understand.

it’s hard for me to understand. i have tokophobia, the fear of pregnancy. i describe it as a phobia since the very mention of it makes me feel sick and upset. i get uncomfortable just seeing a visibly pregnant person in public. the idea of a being growing inside me and using my energy frightens me, and the whole ordeal that is birth sounds like a torture scene from a horror movie. i can’t fathom why someone would want to go through that a third time! i can’t even imagine wanting to do it once!

i know it’s not my baby bros fault. he didn’t choose to be born. he’s here, and we can’t undo that. i’ll do my best to love him and raise him in this home. i’m so, so scared of the future, though.

i’m scared because i see so much of my own childhood fears coming through. as a kid i felt like a burden. that i was a leech on my parents money and time. i felt guilty for having the problems and issues every kid has because i felt that i was being an undue burden, some kind of obstacle against my parent’s happiness. i thought they would be happier if i didn’t exist, and if they were free to go travel and vacation without a needy child to take care of. in many ways i’m still shaking off those old thoughts about myself; i still find it hard to ask for help without feeling like i’m just making more problems for everyone.

will the baby feel like that? will he watch me and my brother move out, get jobs, while he has to live at home for another decade? will he watch other folks my parents age, whose children are out of the house and are free to go and do whatever they want, and feel that he is the reason his own parents can’t? will he feel that he is the burden of the family, like i did?

i hate that feeling. i don’t want him to feel that way. no kid should feel that way. i especially hate that sometimes i feel myself thinking that way about him; being annoyed that i have to watch him instead of going somewhere, that we have to be back in time for his nap instead of staying out, that we can’t go out at all because we don’t have a sitter for him. i hate it. it’s not his fault. i know that. but after going a few years where we as a family could be spontaneous, could go and do and be out for however long we wanted, and then be put back in a restrictive schedule - it sucks. i liked that freedom and i want it back. that’s not fair to him.

i don’t feel like a very good big sibling, or a very good person saying all of this. i don’t feel good at all. i struggle talking about this to anyone because that’s mum family i’m talking about, a little boy, and how dare i speak so evilly about my little baby brother? i feel like a monster. i’m could never say anything about this to mama; she’d be so hurt, because that’s her baby i’m talking about. it sucks because i can talk to mama about anything else but this. we have always been so close and i feel like this is driving. a wedge in that, because i don’t think we will ever be able to see eye to eye and understand each others views. mama had always wanted children; i will be happy with none. i dont think we’d ever be able to find a solution.

i don’t know what to do. of course i’ll never take it out on the baby, but i’m so scared of this turning into resentment that i can’t help but show around him. i can’t do that to him, make him think i hate him for something he had no control over. yet, how does one ever figure out these complicated thoughts? i don’t think i ever will. that’s terrifying to think about.

uh, thanks for reading, i guess. irl moots please know i’m fine, currently. just really in the weeds at the moment. im tired.

shit, man, family. i thought mine was already complicated enough.

#clownponderings #venting #vent please ignore #sighhhhh complicated feelings time #tw pregnancy #just in case #doomposting

[feudalismoffire]

Kobold lives usually are unforgiving under the shadow of dragons, forever bonded to serve their masters

Silence and fear prevents revolts of any kind, for far greater races than themselves were defeated by dragons, they would be mere bugs to be squished

But this is only true for the higher draconic classes, the educated and with superiority complex aristocracy, nobility and tskars (the red emperors)

For the lower classes of dragons, there's very little thought about kobolds more than "yeah, they are here, they work for us, we usually don't think much about it"

For the ignorant and illiterate, kobolds are part of the daily life, part of their society, and in a few cases, part of their families.

This is the story of Rorv and Rarrouthor...

A kobold youngling once found a dragon egg, lost into the shadows of a forest, he took him and his family, though worried, raised the young dragon when he hatched. They were more than friends, they were brothers, the bond of them as strong, but soon everyone would come to realize that too.

The dragon started to grow too big for their house, showing him to the villagers was the only option at that point, and well, they didn't like it, to say the least.

The speaker demanded the dragon to be gone, and with a heavy heart, Rorv and his family would force him away, with a last watery look at them.

A young dragon now facing himself alone in the forest, his next years were not easy, but he survived, he grew ever stronger, but one particular feeling was growing on him, the hate of kobolds...

20 years would have passed since then, Rorv was an adult with his own family now, his parents long gone, and so was partially, his connection with Rarrouthor

One day however, a couple of dragons had moved to a mountain nearby, the villagers were worried about this, and decided that a speaker should come forth to talk with the dragons, offer their submission. Courage was lacking, but Rorv had a peculiar feeling, he volunteered to go, even if his family wasn't so happy by the decision.

He wasn't worried, for his own younglings would known their dad as the one who faced the dragons. There was no shame in giving himself up to the greater good.

He departed into the journey to climb the mountain, it was an extremely dangerous task, but kobolds were miners, climbing mountains for ores were part of their lives, tools made the situation easier, he climbed the mountain, exhausted after two days, and faced a dark void into the lair.

A particular low tone snore come out of it, in fact, there were two distinct ones. The kobold hold his hands into fists, it was now or never...

"Dragons! Rorv comes here in name of our village! Rorv seek submission and protection under your watchful eyes!"

The kobold yelled, almost regretting afterwards, two pairs of orangish-red eyes appeared in the dark void in front of him, in these times, there was no courage, no will, there was no kobold who would stand firm.

One of them moved forward, quickly appearing into the light, the reddish scales.

"Kobold... There's NOTHING to protect from your little dirty huts. In fact, I think I am going to burn them right now!"

Rorv shaked his little legs, he was the speaker, the sacrifice if needed, this was not suppose to happen, anything but the village, he came out there to protect his family in the first place.

"N-No! P-Please! Smash Rorv! Eat Rorv! But don't go to village!!!"

The kobold plead, and from heavy footsteps' march to the outside, the dragon halted for a moment, slowly turning his head back.

"R-Rorv?"

The dragon shoked his head, and so did the kobold

"R-Rau?"

The dragon turned away from the entrance, returning to where he was. Both of them kept looking at each other for a long moment.

"I didn't think you would remember me, Rorv..."

The dragon let out a long smoky sigh

"R-Rorv is sorry. Rau... Rorv's parents and him never wanted you to be gone, b-but Rau so young! Villagers would kill Rau if he stayed!"

The kobold said, still with his legs shaking a bit

"Where are your... Our parents?"

"Mar and Far... gone! Rorv feels sorry to say. Smashed by big rocks who fell out of big huge mountain."

Rau was angry, sadned and happy, he couldn't really process his emotions at that moment...

"Are... You alone, Rorv?"

"No, no. Rorv has family, small family, but family! A mate and three youngs!"

Rau's heart tightened deeply, he was really going to destroy his... Well, part of what he would, once upon a time, consider his family. His destructive anger had completely vanished at that point. He smiled slightly.

"Rorv... I am sorry I... threatened to destroy your village, I... I... Hated you, your kind, and your village, I thought you abandoned me..."

"No, no apologies! Rorv understands, he is happy Rau smiled, but Rorv feels sorry too, couldn't do anything against whole village. Rorv thought he would run in the forest and find Rau, but, too late."

"HAha... I am glad you didn't, Rorv. After all that I had seen and suffered to reach here now, you wouldn't have survived..."

"Rorv knows... Far told Rorv was stupid, stupid little kobold, too big fantasies, finding dragon in night. Rorv now is relieved, nothing against Far, he was right."

"Hehe... Ah, Rorv, you have no idea how much I actually missed your squeaky little voice... Not my squeak one, though, I had to practice a lot to talk draconic without being laughed by other dragons."

Rorv and Rau had fun while talking, and reminding good moments, but then it has come to the final showdown between them.

"Rorv thinks now... Rau... still... still Rorv's brother?"

They looked at each other for a moment, Rau nodded.

"YAAAAAY!!!"

The squeaky little kobold jumped, as Rau lowered his head, Rorv hugged his snout and both stayed like this for a long moment.

From the shadows, Rau's mate appeared, the slightly smaller red dragoness watched both brothers' embrace, perplexed and curious.

"Ah, Ranaslugar... Sorry for huh..."

"Its fine Rarrouthor. I was listening and... Didn't want to ruin your guys' moment."

"Thank you... And eh..."

The dragoness hold her laugh for a moment

"Rarrouthor... Lord of the Mountains... Brother of a Ko-HAHAHA!!!"

Rarrouthor and Rorv stared at each other and then at her.

"Sorry... Sorry... I... I-I think I am going to call you Rau from n-HAHAHAHA!!!"

"Ranaslugar..."

"Ok... Ok... Sorry my love. Its that this whole situation is... Quite goofy."

Rarrouthor and Rorv stared at each other again and then smiled.

"We know... Its exactly why we are brothers, two goofy brothers, dragon and kobold!"

Ranaslugar almost begun wheezing again, but she controlled herself this time.

"I know, my dear. For a second back then, I almost thought you would burn the poor creatures down in the village. It wasn't very... You know, you. You are a kind-hearted dragon, mocked by everyone because you were weird, but this... This was why I choose you, and you chose me... Now, now I know why this odd dragon has such a big heart.

She said, as she looked down to Rorv.

"This kobold and his family raised a very, very kind soul. They wronged you, but you forgave him. And I am sure you will forgive his people when the moment is right. THIS is why i love you, Rau..."

"Thank you, Rana"

Both dragons embraced each other for a tender moment.

"Rorv... I... I know we just met again, and there is a lot for we to talk about. But... Do you... Do you think you and the rest of our family could live here?"

"Rorv can't believe it! Rau wants Rorv and his family to live with... Rau?!?! YES!!!!"

"I am so glad, Rorv. They will be scared, but Rana and I... We are very careful. Also the matter of this mountain, you were very brave, but I will carry you and them, no worries."

"Rorv's little ones won't even believe him! They live with dragons! Big and strong dragons! Caring dragons! They will talk about it in school for months!"

"Hehe. They will Rorv. I look forward to meeting them all. Just huh, maybe I shouldn't appear in the village right away, so you talk to them first when we arrive there."

"Rorv knows, he will! Also..."

"Yes?"

"Rorv thanks Rau, very much."

"You welcome, brother"

"...Brother!"

#brother #cavern #digitalart #dragon #family #kobold #reddragon #siblings #story #art #continentofwrath

[ghostysword]

The Gusu Summer Camp kids (and siblings) would make such a dramatic and awesome Sburb session. Classpects and thoughts below the cut:

Wei Wuxian, Mage of Time. A lot of dead Wei Yings pile up early on in the game, but that's fine! Once he finally creates Chenqing in his exploration of the Land of Graves and Turnips, he invents new ways to summon alternate timeline ghosts to his aid.

Jiang Yanli, Maid of Space. She's a very talented frog-breeder: with her brothers, she had a head start on the frog-handling skills.

Jiang Cheng, Heir of Blood. In a different world, he built a sect from nothing but devotion and stubbornness; in this one, he grows into a vital anchor binding the party together. (Sometimes literally, since he will happily use his whipkind specibi to keep Certain People from running away before plans are fully made.)

Lan Wangji, Knight of Light. He's Hanguang-jun, motherfucker. His Consorts are rabbits, and if anyone hurts them he will kill everyone in the room and then himself.

Lan Xichen, Seer of Heart. Absolutely a passive class, in the best and worst ways. At his best, Lan Xichen uses his insight into other's true natures to help them become their best selves. His struggle is learning not to look away from the dark.

Nie Mingjue, Prince of Rage. Anger is his weapon. Anger is destroying him. He's the most powerful offensive force in the party, but he'll need everyone else's support to not break himself before he can even fight the Black King.

Nie Huaisang, Thief of Void. Our know-nothing boy is great at ripping void away from secrets that need to be revealed, and wrapping the shroud of secrecy around himself. He gets deeep into Derse shenanigans, although everyone else thinks he's just drinking with his favorite locals.

Wen Qing, Rogue of Life. She's really good at moving vital force from one person to another: what else can I say? Also needlekind is a great strife specibus for a rogue.

Wen Ning, Page of Doom. In a kinder world he'd be a Heart player. In this one he still ends up as a fierce corpse. Sorry, Wen Ning.

Jin Zixuan, Sylph of Hope. He starts out grandiose and unrealistic, but grows into his role. Elsewhere he would have created a garden to renew Jiang Yanli's hope, or sent an invitation to Yiling to give Wei Wuxian a glimpse of a path home. Here, he finds his way to a similar support role, bringing hope to heal when it's most needed. His new brotherly relationship with Meng Yao will be one of his greatest tests.

Meng Yao, Bard of Mind. Meng Yao is exceptionally skilled at getting people killed in a domino chain of decisions. By the time he dirties his hands himself, his target is already good as dead. He and Xichen make up the mind-heart duality. They work closely throughout the game, teaming up to understand the game and influence political systems, with Xichen a Prospit dreamer and Meng Yao on Derse. He almost betrays the party: are they able to pull him back?

Luo Qingyang, Witch of Breath. Decisive, independent, and on the move, she's ready to give her team a little shove (and her enemies a big hurricane.) Helps Jin Zixuan grow into his destined Wife Guy role.

#mdzs #the untamed #cql #homestuck #I'm sorry #But not that sorry #I'm most proud of NHS and MY

[starlitwinter]

Holy Crap

Hello. I'm Sunny. And today I offer you my version of "Modern Girl in Middle Earth". But with what I would have done if I was in Valinor during the Silmarillion. I'm not from an English speaking country so sorry if there are mistakes. Being proud of my language and culture, I will put words in French and references to the French culture. I will give the translations and explanations at the end of the chapter!Little help: italics are for quenya

My updates will be when I've written something so uh... sorry in advance. Have a good read!

(Of course, everything you recognize belongs to our dear Tolkien!)

"Holy crap, why is Manwë in front of me?"

The man, or rather the Vala, stepped back and looked at me warily, surely thinking I was a servant of Satan. I mean, of our dear Melkor. Morgoth. Melkor. Anyway.

"How do you know my name, stranger? What are you?"

Oh fuck. Just why? I should have listened to Paul and learned Quenya. Also, isn't it a rule in fanfics that Y/N has a great integrated translator or is such a fan of Tolkien that they are fluent in Quenya? God-no Eru dammit! Help me with this!

"Answer." "You know what, I don't understand anything you're saying okay. I'm going to tell you about my last day on Earth, even if you don't get it. Well, it all 'started' on a beautiful summer evening."

And here we go for a ride! Start the flashback music!  ~~ " We eat! It's on the table!"

My brother got up from the couch, grabbing my phone before I could react.

"Luke. Give me my phone back." "Boo-hoo, I'm scared." 

He mimed crying before glancing at my screen and letting out an exaggerated sigh.

"ao3 again? And what are you looking for now?" "Fanfiction ducon."

He rolled his eyes.

"I'm not dumb sœurette. About who?" "The twins." "Which ones? Weasley? Skywalker?" "Not the Skywalkers! What do you take me for? That's seriously shady with... you know." "Well, I never know with you... And may I remind you that your name is Leya with a y and not an i? Thanks Maman."

Yes, you heard me right. Or read. My brother, a twin at that, is named Luke. And I'm Leya. Thanks Papa who is more than a Star Wars fan and thought it was funny to convince our mother to name us after the Skywalker twins. But our mother made a mistake when we registered with the Civil Registry. And now we are Luke and Leya Owes.

"Are you done staring into the void? There's no camera and this isn't a 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before' type show."

A sharp and brutal return to reality. Thanks frérot. He waved my phone in front of my eyes and snapped his fingers (with his other hand of course).

"What twins? And then we can go downstairs to eat and avoid Maman's wrath." "Fëanor's twins. Ambarussa. Amrod and Amras. Telufinwë and Pityafinwë." "Ah okay. I see who it is. Here. Take your phone back."

He tossed me my phone while turning to go open the door to our room. I retrieved my phone on the fly (thanks to my reflexes) and followed him to join our parents.

"What took you so long!"

Our mother was waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs, hands on hips.

"Sorry Maman, Leya thought she was in a soap opera and was staring at an invisible camera. I tried to get her to react but she wouldn't stop until she finished telling her story.

As I went to sit down, I kicked him in the shin and smiled at our parents.

"Let's eat, I'm starving." "Be careful or you'll sink tonight."

As I kicked him in the shin again and handed my plate to my father to serve me.

"Don't say that Luke, I'm sure your sister is going to do great tonight."

Thanks for the support Papa. 

"But speaking of which, isn't it better that you don't eat before the race, chérie?"

I nodded as I watched my dad put some peas on my plate.

"Luce said I could eat a little beforehand just to. But nothing too big. Besides, it's in four hours..."

My mother nodded to support my words and everyone resumed eating. Three hours later, I was in the 'lodges' near the lake where I was going to do my first night race of the year. Despite the fact that the race was an hour away, I was already dressed in my wetsuit and my hair was already tucked under my swimming cap. The stress was starting to build. Still. Two kilometers in the dark is always extremely long. My coach, Luce, had her hands on my knees to stop them from shaking and was gently answering my questions.

"What if I miss my roll? Or get a false start!" "You keep going. You're fighting for the gold, Leya." "Even with a cramp? Can we really not go test the water? Imagine it's freezing and I'm getting hypothermia!" "That's what your suit is for. And then we are in summer, the water can't be like in winter. And you can't test the water. That's the point of this race, to get into unknown water. Every year, a new lake." "What about the cramp?" "Leya... How many times have you participated?" "Fifth. So yes. I know what to do if you get a cramp. The thing Benoit explains every year. The tab on the side and boom light. Sorry I'm stressed." "I saw that! But Leya. You've already brought us three silver medals and one bronze. That's already great. But this year is the last." "I know. After that I'll be too old. Well, in a manner of speaking. 17 is still young." "Leya. This year you're going for the gold. More than ever okay? Gold." "Yeah. Gold. Got it." "I'll give you your last hour with your family and friends. Then you jump in the water and bring back?" "The gold medal. Thank you, Luce. "Thank you instead."

She winked at me before walking out of the tent and my family and best friend walked in. My brother was the first to break the silence.

"Ready for the gold, Princesse?" "I think so. This year is my year. I can feel it."

Paul, my best friend since kindergarten came over to pat me on the shoulder. 

"You shouldn't have put on your swimming cap right away. You're keeping me from ruffling your hair Tomate."

Tomate is my nickname because when I was little and even now, when I get angry I turn as scarlet as a tomato. And therefore lose all my credibility according to Paul. 

"Let's make a bet Leya."

Him and his bets. How much is he going to talk me into learning Quenya?

"The conditions are? Because if I accept without knowing, I'm pretty sure I'll get screwed."

He looked at me with a fake outraged look before dramatically putting a hand on his chest.

"I am outraged by this attitude, jeune fille. And to answer your question, if you win the gold, I'll stop talking to you about learning Quenya. But if you win something else... You will take quenya lessons with me." "To please you I will accept. But be prepared for me to win!"

Afterwards, the atmosphere was lighter and we talked until Luce arrived.

"It's time."

I stood up and gave a small smile to my family and Paul before leaving the tent. A small breeze caressed my skin and made me shiver. We walked until we reached the edge of the lake, where the race would begin.

"Ready?" "Ready." "You're going to make it kid, and don't forget..." "We're taking the gold home." "That's good."

She left, probably to join the other coaches. Almost all the participants had arrived. Focus. Speed. I am speed. One winner, fourty two losers. I eat losers for breakfeast. Speed.  Faster than fast. Quicker than quick. Wait. Am I doing the beginning of Cars 1?  The first shout of the referee sounds and without having understood what he said, I automatically put on my glasses and get in position to jump. I can do it. The start is launched and I jump to make a great dive. Great start. Ready to feel the water wrap around me and start swimming. But. This is the ground I encounter. Grass. Grass? Bruh. Where's the water? 

"What the hell is this?"

I took off my glasses and my head spun from the bright light my retina perceived. After a few seconds, I could see the beautiful plain that had replaced the lake and the forest.

"Where the fuck am I?"

I stood up before I heard someone speaking to me in an unknown language. 

"Is everything okay?"

I turned around to face a guy. Tall. Handsome. With long white hair. His clothes were strange, but so were mine. Being in a wetsuit in the middle of a plain is suspicious. But what shocked me the most was behind him. Two gigantic trees. And they were shining. One gold, the other silver. Telperion and Silpion. I believe. So that means... the guy. That's Manwë. 

"Holy crap, why is Manwë in front of me?"

And there it is. You know everything.

#fanfic #fanfiction #silmarillion #tolkien #original female character #maedhros #turgon #celegorm #ambarussa #manwë súlimo #manwë #elf

[lovestuckyhatemarvel]

Okay, another hour and a half long episode.

1.) Brenner missed the sad CGI and also baby El was very good at sealing the upside down.

2.) Brenner should have been a tattoo artist instead. I mean, a tattoo artist for adults, not kids. He’s got very steady hands and can tattoo numbers very exactly.

3.) THIS IS MUSIC.

4.) Honestly so far the only one who’s been a snob about music is Robin. But also I still don’t think Eddie would like Taylor Swift.

5.) Henry really wants to villain monologue at you, Nancy. Take a seat for this cliche.

6.) Damn, the CGI on those restraints is…bad.

7.) These images are going way too fast.

8.) Damn, Steve. Your arms are nice.

9.).”Written and directed by the Duffer Brothers”. I Know. That’s the Problem.

10.) What’s the point of keeping Yuri quiet at this point?

11.) Hopper, we super had a funeral for you.

12.) El is actually doing really badly.

13.) Why is anyone surprised that demogorgons can climb? Look at those fuck off legs.

14.) DID NONE OF THESE GUARDS PAY ATTENTION TO HOPPER USING FIRE?

15.) Okay the soldiers can unload their clip into a demogorgon and nothing happens but Hopper can shoot a demodog once in the head like Ol Yeller and it works.

16.) Okay but for real, where are the Russians getting all these bastards? Fun tubes, but WHERE ARE THEY FROM? Are they from Hawkins? How did they transfer that shit?

17.) HOW’D THEY GET THE CGI DUST MONSTER TO RUSSIA?

18.) Okay she can lift a thing.

19.) Will, I’m so sorry, but I did not care about your speech to Mike.

20.) I still don’t understand how Henry survived El’s attack or why the upside down didn’t turn into anything for him or what the fuck he did for like a decade floating in a void.

21.) Why is everyone whispering

22.) El got to hear at least some of the plan, at least.

23.) The War Zone is a hilarious name for a shop.

24.) Eddie, you moron. Wearing a mask doesn’t help if you’re wearing a shirt emblazoned with your club.

25.) BIG BOY.

26.) My roommate pointed out the RV would have been hooked up to water and sewage so driving it off like that would have fucked up the ground and the vehicle.

27.) I do not understand why Henry is so powerful or why him killing people would give him their powers when it doesn’t do that for El.

28.) I still don’t want Steve and Nancy together. Also I don’t think he actually said he wanted her there.

29.) that helicopter is hilarious

30.) “The KGB will be listening to this call” Oh what a change. This time it’ll be agents of someone else’s government that will be listening in.

31.) Oh, okay, Steve got the jacket from War Zone. Where’s the vest though?

32.) Ah, the boyfriend reveal.

33.) I still hate Jason Carver. Also, buckshot has a pretty good range, dipshit.

34.) Tire tracks. Ah yes, the plot happened here.

35.) IDK why El told Sam to check Max’s place. The bit she heard did not make it seem like they were staying there. And so Sam asking that woman for that was kind of stupid.

36.) What? Brenner double crossed Sam Owens? Who could have predicted this twist? Surely only the greatest psychics.

37.) I am proud of El for saying to Brenner’s face that he’s a monster.

38.) Baby girl, kill Brenner anyway.

39.) YOU KNOW WHO WOULD LOVE TO KILL BRENNER? KALI. THE GIRL NO ONE IN THIS FACILITY TALKS ABOUT.

40.) Robin and Steve are sweet.

41.) goddamn it, brenner, just remove El’s collar.

42.) I am glad Brenner got shot so many times though.

43.) Oh shit, it’s the script.

44.) oh no the psychic child is using her psychic powers to stop your from badly shooting at her? Who could have predicted this?

45.) oh my god el, do something real already.

46.) the payoff wasn’t worth it.

47.) “Yeah, it’s cool, but it would have been better if it’d happened about 11 seconds earlier.” My roommate is hilarious.

48.) Brenner turned off the collar as a last act. Okay whatever.

49.) BRENNER SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DIE ALREADY.

50.) this heartfelt conversation makes no sense and was not earned.

51.) brenner you were shot like 5 times by a sniper rifle, how are you still talking, let alone alive?

52.) SHould have run over his corpse with the pizza van

53.) god they held on that brenner shot for way too long

54.) WHO’S GONN DIE????? Just say everyone.

55.) moody shots.

56.) LMAO THIS SONG. GOD. DUFFERS, STOP SUCKING YOUR OWN CODCKS FOR FIVE SECONDS.

Oh god I looked ahead and the season 4 finale is 2 and 22 minutes long. I hate the duffers.

#stranger things #stranger things rewatch #stranger things s4e8 #s4e8 #season 4 episode 8

[mrsman]

I am doing all the shadow work and inner child healing and the sinking down trying to stop being hyper vigilant cultivate safety but the crux of it the real issue of it in a relationship is my low self esteem and it’s not because I don’t like myself I do I love myself but I’m afraid anyone who loves me that isn’t family can and will leave when they uncover who I truly am and see that I’m not enough for them at least not long term so I stopped investing or caring or giving love freely and tried over time to close my heart up like a clamshell

It’s not my fault but I see that I definitely had a big hand in everything that happened and I created an environment that all the love seeped out of and I tried to stop being “obsessive” because I thought it was my worst flaw but in that I really just turned off my vulnerable self and stopped reaching out and letting myself be reached by my partner and that created a big void that then my partner went out and tried to have someone else step in and rectify it and it blew up our entire relationship

And at the end of the day when I examine my goals and motives up close I see that I was protecting myself from day 1 and I see my future as inevitably dying alone and without any one to call family that I got to choose and chose me back and I was okay with it because then I wouldn’t have to worry that one day my true self would get uncovered and spook my partner and the whole house of cards would come crashing down on me

Well it ended and I got out “unscathed” he doesn’t think I’m crazy probably just obsessive and needing to move on

That obsessive nature of mine my deepest insecurity unable to move on or ever let go and creeping out any boy I wanted to date before him and then suffocating him until he had to leave and now years later still from afar being obsessive 🤙 super rad suz good job real nice call back to your Ivan days when you literally had a journal with his name in it 🤦🏻‍♀️ I hope I never see him again but I also hope anyone who knows me and encounters him apologizes for me because I can’t fucking explain why I was that way and I’m so sorry the loneliness was a prison at that time and my way out was to idealize a stranger and now I still can’t escape it when I have dreams and I apologize to him or we “hang out” and he sees I’m superrr normal it’s embarrassing

I remember in middle school when I had a crush on a boy named Austin bc he was cute and I obsessed and told everyone and then somehow ⁉️ the whole school found out 🤯 and everyone made fun of me and the humiliation stuck to me but I still couldn’t stop doing it except in high school I was almost friends with Ivan then I ruined it and then there was Dustin and he was legitimately an asshole so it was just a placeholder a pretty face with no substance and then we get to peter ofc my partner in crime my baby all that stupid romantic stuff I hate myself for saying and I actually befriended him but when he showed signs of liking me back I truly did not believe it and the fear that fear never ever left and last year when my brother banged on the door when we were being intimate it was over for me now he was in my traumatic household and he was gonna see my through my farce that I wasn’t a stable long term partner and eventually I’ll probably be just like my brother it’s just a matter of time before I’m caught for stalking him or some shit I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I tried so hard to pull back and fold into myself and make it smaller make my love smaller make myself into an impenetrable wall so it wouldn’t hurt when we moved in together and we slept next to each other every night and he would look at me and would see it that crazy stupid little kid and think what am I doing this is not worth it

I love that stupid crazy little girl she’s trying her best and I think I really do think he did too and it was unfounded but I’m doing it again now I’m trying to do Gods will but i feel like I’m just trapping guilt in a box and gift wrapping it for him when he gets around to checking on me it’s just sad I would like to leave him alone and let myself die alone like I want to and not believe in anything but I’m Christian I have to listen I know we have a special connection and hey maybe in a decade then God can do his will and it’ll be okay it’ll work everything will be so far in the past it won’t matter anymore

But even saying that it’s so crazy this is crazy everyone is right I’m nuts and one day this mind is gonna break and spill out on the streets and I don’t know who’s gonna take spoopy but I really hope it’s peter bc she loves him so much and misses him but it’s also okay if not maybe he’ll get married she’s not a spring chicken either so it’s okay I’ll stay sane until she goes then we both go? What a concept

I’m sorry if anyone read this and felt sad I’m okay I’m just processing and reformulating and being me for once

[purpsthings]

A lonely valentine's

The day went as normally as any other day for me, but add a little more dread and sadness.

No it wasn't raining nor did I get hurt in a way, it was something else, something more upsetting than those...

Valentine's day....that was today.

All day, I saw love between couples and friends and family...mostly couples, I even saw some people propose to their partners.

Now I know what your gonna ask, 'oh!? Why don't you like valentine's day?', 'its because you don't have a partner yet, in time you'll love it.', 'you just haven't found the one yet.' and all that crap.

Well the answer I have is.... I don't know....I just never really liked it, even as a kid. I never brought candy for the other kids on this day and no one gave me any unless they did the whole class.

But after all day of hearing and seeing lovely dovey people, I finally get home and do somethings around my home.

Cooking, cleaning, dancing and singing, and some other random things until night falls.

I get into bed and think out loud.

" another day of love...for everyone but me..."

By the way, the name anth (AN-TH is how you say it), I go by he/him pronouns and as said before today was valentine's day, or....at least the end of it.

"just one more hour to go, and this stupid day is done. The only positive is the candy and chocolate will be on sale, so I know what I'll be getting tomorrow." I say as I look at my ceiling.

As I look at the ceiling I think back to when I was little and my brother telling me about stories of monsters under kids beds, I wonder if it's still a thing now even though I'm an adult... Let's see.

"hey demon or whatever under my bed...wanna be my first valentine? Even though we have under an hour to do so?" I say smiling, knowing that there's no way-

I heard something under my bed, then a hand with long black claws was now on the side of the bed and pure white eyes looking at me, just above those eyes was short black hair with sharp black horns, along with pointy ears instead of regular ears.

"r-really?" Said the demon(?) In a soft tone.

I look at him with wide eyes, he notices my surprise face and hides his lower face so only his eyes are seen above the side of the bed.

"oh...uhhh....I didn't mean too... How is this...?" I was quite confuse and didn't really believe this was happening.

'am I having a sleep paralysis attack or something...?'

I just kinda look at the demon and he seems concerned.

"was it not for me? Sorry.." he says as he starts to go back under the bed.

I crawl over and try to grab his hand, I somehow did and pulled him back a little to see me.

"I... I did mean it for you, I just thought that you weren't real or wouldn't answer. " I quickly say, pulling him onto my bed.

"oh....well...that's good to hear." He says quietly.

I put my lamb on so I could see him a little better. He was tall even when sitting and quite buff, with skin the color as the void, hair black as said already and glowing pure white eyes. Horns are big and the only clothing he had was a small cloth around his lower area, which I quickly looked away from before I got caught staring.

"I'm sorry if I scared you." He says running the back of his neck and looking away from me.

I smile a little and say " it's fine, you really didn't scare me. Just shocked me was all."

He looks back at me and does a small smile.

"do you still want me to be your valentine?" He asks, his face showing a bit of a darker tone around his cheeks like a blush.

I felt my cheeks heat up and nod my head a little.

"sure. What is your name by the way? My name is Anth." I ask flipping the blankets off me and getting up.

He gets up too, to follow me, " my name is Knot. Where are we going?"

"To the kitchen for a late night snack. What would you like?" I explain as I open the fridge door.

"Do you have chips and dip?" He asked.

I nod and give him the dip and go over to the cabinets to give him the chips.

"Would you like to watch something?" I say as I got my own snacks.

He nods and we both walk over to the couch and sit down. I turn on the TV and flip through the channels landing on a movie I've seen before.

"Is this show ok?" I ask eating some chips.

Knot nodded his head, and I made a 'hmm' noise. We sat watching the movie until we both fell asleep.

' I change my mind about valentine's day, it's decent. But I still like the day after better.'

FIN. 10/22/22 By: Jay/ Purp

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