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toomuchracket · 4 months

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angsty part two hmm. well maybe it can have something to do with whatever the heck was going on at electric umbrella studios. maybe girly is there helping out bea (we can pretend maybe she’s doing stuff with jack and not matty for ease of everyone’s heart lmao) then there is that little listening party or whatever where taylor and matty are seen together but maybe girly’s heart couldnt stand to stick around for very long so she leaves early. maybe in this dream matty pulls his head out of his ass and decides he will do anything and be anything that girly wants him to be because this thing with taylor is not doing it for him either

ok! edited the request slightly. and it doesn't have a happy ending because actually i'm a messy bitch who lives for drama. please note: THIS ISN'T ACTUALLY CANON IN THE D WORD UNIVERSE IT'S JUST A COLLECTIVE NIGHTMARE. ok. lol. happy new year. enjoy <3

gone four weeks, part 2 (d word matty x reader angst)

“oh my god, hi! you came! oh, thank you so much!” taylor pulls you into a hug, which you reciprocate warmly; you've no problem with her, after all. “and you look amazing! your hair! those shoes! it's a new look for you. i like it.”

you smile. “thank you, i just fancied a bit of a change. and thank you for inviting me! i was so touched when i got your message.”

“matty said it was your favourite of my albums - i couldn't not have you here.”

what the fuck?

“oh, he did?” you try to keep your face and voice steady. “that was nice of him.”

taylor nods. “it was the first thing he said when i first wondered if anyone would even come to a 1989 listening party - you would, if you were around. thank god margaret ran into you last week and told me you were!”

you murmur a “yeah”, in response, too busy reeling from the sudden emotional pain in your heart to reply properly. blinking a couple of times, you look back towards the front door of the studio to see more people coming in. “taylor, i'll catch up with you later, yeah? let you speak to… oh my god, i'm at the same party as kendrick lamar? fucking hell.”

she laughs, squeezing your arm. “no worries, babe. i'll see you later! matty’s… somewhere, if you want to catch up with him”.

not bloody likely. “cool. see you!”

you smile politely at kendrick, who returns it (!!), before heading off into the busy room. there are people you recognise absolutely everywhere you turn, but nobody you really know, more just celebrities you'd be worried about embarrassing yourself in front of. no sign of jack, or margaret, or even matty - not that you particularly want to see him, to be honest, but a familiar face (one not from your tv screen, that is) would definitely calm you down.

of course, so would a cigarette.

pulling your cigs and lighter from your bag, you nudge the side door open with your hip and step out into the alleyway and still-warm evening air. and then, almost immediately, you wish you hadn't. because, standing with his back to you - although that makes no difference, you'd know those back muscles and that head of hair anywhere - is matty, talking to jack and margaret, all three of them smoking.

fuck. this was an awful idea. but you can't turn back to go inside now, because jack's clocked you; he’s beaming, waving at you, shouting “sprout! get over here and smoke with us!”

despite yourself, you smile, wandering over and allowing yourself to be enveloped in a hug from the man and his fiancée. “wish you'd stop bloody calling me that, jack.”

“never,” jack replies, kissing your head as he releases you into margaret's arms. “you're sprout, and he's cabbage.”

“whatever - hi, mags,” you kiss your friend's cheek as she breaks apart and settles her arm around your waist, before reluctantly meeting your ex's gaze. you're irritated to see that he looks good. like, really good, something-twinging-between-your-legs good. get a grip! “matthew.”

“alright?” matty smiles at you, but it doesn't reach his eyes. “almost didn't recognise you. hair's shorter.”

you shrug. “wanted something different.”

“sounds like you.”

the snide comment slices through you. unlike last time, though, you don't tear up; you fire right back at him. “well, i'm at an age where i can afford to experiment.”

matty frowns, while jack and margaret burst into giggles. the latter kisses the side of your head. “god, you’re funny. i can't believe you were in the city all this time and you didn't tell us! i miss hanging out with you.”

“i was busy,” you place a cigarette between your lips, shaking hands trying and failing to successfully operate the lighter. matty wordlessly steps forward and does it for you - your cheeks burn as much as the cig does. “thank you.”

“don't,” matty waves it off, taking a long drag of his own cig before looking at you again. “so. you haven't been back home?”

“not since the last time you saw me,” you ash the cig, pointedly looking down at the ground. “there hasn't been any work for me to do, so there's nothing keeping me there, really.”

matty scoffs. “typical, you prioritising your job.”

“well, it's what you pay me for. you should be happy i care so much about my career, really, matty,” you smile, saccharine as summer peaches, before turning to jack and margaret. “anyway, how's wedding planning going?”

jack breaks into an excited soliloquy that you can only half focus on, hoping you're timing the oohing and aahing and awwing at his fiancée’s enthusiastic interjections right; most of your attention, you hate to say, is focused on the man opposite you, clearly - to you, at least - upset. the familiar guilt begins to gnaw at your ribcage, and you're thankful when margaret checks her watch and begins to usher you back inside.

matty, though, has other ideas. he touches your elbow, so lightly you barely feel it, and yet your body reacts as if he's punched you. “can i talk to you alone for a minute?”

panicked, you turn towards jack, who nods. “you still have a few minutes. i just need to go in to set up. see you in there!”

shit.

once you're alone with your ex, you move to brace yourself against the wall, folding your arms. “what?”

“why didn't you tell me you were in new york?”

“why would i?”

“well,” matty's voice falters; when he speaks again, it's almost a whisper. “i don't know. maybe we could've, like, gone for a drink. or you could've come down here to hang out.”

“again, why would i?” you tilt your head. “no offence, mate, but hanging out with my ex and his new girlfriend isn't exactly my idea of a fun time. or just hanging out with my ex full stop.”

“thanks for that,” matty grimaces.

you sigh. “look, i know you well enough to be able to read your cryptic fucking subtext. i've been alright, matty, i really have. i've been with friends.”

“you don't have any friends in new york.”

“and how the fuck would you know that? honest to fucking god,” you snap. “i didn't tell you everything about me…”

“i know that well enough.”

“...but, if you must know, one of my friends from home opened an exhibition in tribeca. orla.”

matty nods. “we went to her london opening together before… us, didn't we?”

the memory feels distant, as if from another life, but it hurts all the same. “yeah.”

“i would've liked to have gone to her show here, too. she's good.”

you smile genuinely for the first time, pride for your friend stronger than the fucked up pot of feelings you have towards matty. “it was really something. i helped set it up, actually. was fun.”

“really?” matty laughs; something cracks inside you when he does. “yeah, i can see you being good at that, actually.”

you look at the ground, still smiling, but less now. “been thinking about switching to it full-time. curation and stuff.”

“oh,” matty sounds crestfallen. you peek up at him to find that he looks it, too. “well… if that's what you want to do, i s'pose you should look into it,” he checks the time on his phone, while your heart sinks impossibly deeper. “it's starting soon. i'll head in now, and then if you-”

“wait thirty seconds before i follow you? yeah, i know the drill,” you smile lifelessly. “least you won't have to worry about that if i get a new job, yeah? you'll likely never have to see me again, let alone risk being seen with me.”

“i- anyway,” matty clears his throat, turning quickly away from you. “i should go.”

“okay,” the door closes behind him before you can even get the second syllable out, and there you are, alone again, in the suddenly-cold night air. you shakily exhale your cigarette for the last time, stubbing it out on the wall and stamping the butt with your high heel for good measure; once no trace of the flame remains, you go back inside.

for the rest of the night, part of you wishes you hadn't bothered. while hearing your favourite album is truly, genuinely brilliant, the experience is marred somewhat by your ex sitting in the seat opposite yours with taylor's head on his shoulder: you can't quite lipsync along to this love or clean or you are in love without your lips beginning to tremble, the new song now that we don't talk genuinely makes you nauseous when you figure out the lyrics, and actually hearing matty's voice on a vault track is painful beyond words.

but still, you clap, you fake smiles, you cheer for taylor and jack and the work they've put into the production. it's not easy, though, and you're thankful for the distraction when your phone buzzes with an invitation while you're alone at the drinks table grabbing another champagne.

“now i know you're not about to entertain a man who sent you an i miss you, come over text,” taylor’s voice sounds scandalised from behind you.

you turn, grinning, smile dropping slightly when you see she isn’t alone. “don't worry, i'm taking the piss out of him for it as we speak…”

“good.”

“...but i am gonna go and see him, in a minute,” you finish, looking down at your phone and giggling when you see a reply. “if that's alright, that is.”

matty raises his eyebrows the way he does before he opens his mouth, but taylor beats him to it. “look at you giggling at him! of course! go! but first,” she gently drags you to a nearby sofa and settles onto it, patting the seat beside her; you take it, while matty awkwardly settles himself on a footstool in front of you both. “tell me about him.”

“you really want to know?” you aren't quite sure which of them the question is directed at. taylor nods, and judging by matty's expression he's also curious, so you sigh and keep talking. “well, his name is michael. he's a playwright. we met through friends. he's lived in new york his whole life. he seems slightly obsessed with me, but in a good way - so far, at least. he's very sweet.”

“a playwright? that's cool,” taylor grins. “what does he look like?”

“a bit like andrew garfield, actually,” you laugh, looking down at your phone again. “and he's offering to meet me at a bar, so it's probably time for me to be on my way.”

“sure. have fun, stay safe,” she pulls you into a hug; you see matty wince, out of the corner of your eye. “thank you so much for coming. when do you go back home?”

“not until the end of the month. i don't know if i'm actually going on the festival run, yet,” you shrug. “but i'll go home before it, just in case.”

“it's a lot, isn't it?”

taylor, babe, you don't even know the half of it. “yeah. it won't be easy.”

she hums. “we should hang out before you go. nothing crazy, just dinner or drinks or something. like, something fun, before you have to go back to keeping a record label running,” she nudges matty, who smiles quickly but continues looking at the floor. “i'll call you, okay?”

“that sounds good,” you stretch. “right, i really should go - the bar is a twenty-minute walk from here and i said i'd meet michael in fifteen.”

matty tuts. “he's knowingly letting you walk alone to meet him at half ten at night? no. absolutely not.”

you roll your eyes. “for god's sake, i'll be fine. i'm an adult!”

“yeah, babe, but still,” taylor’s eyes are wide. “take a car! for our peace of mind, at least.”

our. you do your best not to shudder, and smile instead. “if you're sure…”

“she's sure,” matty nods. “get it to take you back to your… whatever it is you're staying in after your drink, too.”

“i mean, i'm going back to his,” you look matty dead in the eye when you say it, and the sadness that fills his is impossible to miss. christ, what is his deal? “but thanks. anyway,” you hug taylor before you stand. “thanks again for tonight. i'll see you soon,” you nod at matty. “and i'll… see you at finsbury, definitely. maybe sooner. i don't know. there'll be an email soon confirming what's happening. bye.”

much to your chagrin, matty stands too. “i'll walk you out. make sure you actually get in the car - i know what you're like.”

for fuck's sake. “alright. bye, taylor!” you wave as you move towards the door.

“bye, babe!”

you walk quickly through the corridors, trying to keep some distance between you and matty. annoyingly, though, he matches your pace, and speaks. “so… michael.”

the vitriol practically drips from his tongue. you scoff. “what about him?”

“tell me more about him. what’s he like?”

“he's my age,” you pointedly don’t look at matty when you say that, but you hear the way his breath catches in his throat. the guilt begins gnawing again; you keep talking to distract yourself from it. “he's ridiculously american, which means he doesn't get my sense of humour sometimes, but as soon as he found out i lived in london he took the piss and started calling me ‘princess’.”

the word leaves your mouth before you can stop it; as soon as it does, you bite the insides of your lips together, guilt spreading to every bone in your body. tentatively, you look round at matty, who's stopped walking in favour of looking at the ground and clasping his hands behind his neck. everything about him radiates hurt, and it only worsens when he quietly speaks. “he calls you what?”

you can't bring yourself to say it again. “you heard me, matty.”

“wish i fucking hadn't,” your ex looks up at you again, and you know he's about to verbally lash out; he looks exactly the same as he did before you split. “you really let him call you that? my name for you?”

“think you lost all rights to that the day you dumped me, to be honest, mate.”

“fucking hate it when you call me that. stop it.”

“well, i'm sure as shit not going to resort to what i used to call you, am i?”

matty laughs mirthlessly. it's the worst sound you've ever heard. “no, you've got michael for that now.”

“no, i haven't,” you're loathe to admit what you're about to say, but you really want him to feel bad. “haven't slept with him yet - or anyone, for that matter, since you broke up with me,” you glance at matty, who looks rightfully sheepish, and decide to just fuck with him even further. “but maybe i will tonight. s'about time i felt good about myself.”

“you know, you've been really fucking snide today. i don't know what i've done to deserve it.”

you stop dead in your tracks, turning to face him in total bewilderment. “well, aside from the whole, y'know, dumping me at the first sign of disagreement, you fucking started it with the arsey comments today, matty. sounds like you? fuck off.”

he shrugs. “but it does. you don't want what i want, so… why bother keeping this going?”

you huff, pushing the door to the staircase open. “i never said i didn't want to get married and have kids, by the way.”

“what? yes you-”

“no, i didn't,” you smile sadly. “all i said was that i was unsure, and because it wasn't me immediately saying yes to something for the first time in our relationship, you took it as a no.”

matty's shaking his head. “no, that-that's not-”

“yes it is, sweetheart,” the tears are beginning to prick at your eyes; matty's too, you can see. “that's what happened.”

“but you freaked out so much…”

“because you sprung it on me, out of the blue! come on, matty,” you can feel your jaw trembling. “you would've done the same, if a partner had asked you that question when you were my age.”

matty sniffles. “please stop bringing up the age gap, darling.”

the pet name enrages you; it's agonising how natural it sounds coming from his lips, and even more painful how automatically your body reacts to it. “well, i can't not, given that it's what fucked us up, in the end,” you take a deep breath, and walk out the side door onto the street. it's fairly quiet, you're relieved to see. “besides - i thought you liked it? that was my appeal, wasn't it? being young, and pretty, and naive, so fucking naive. a meek little toy, something you could play with however you wanted without fear of it rebelling against what you wanted. because that's really all that matters, isn't it, what you want? course it is, because when that was threatened, you stopped wanting me.”

hot tears are hitting your cheeks with increasing speed, but your voice somehow stays strong, unwavering, controlled; the same can't be said for matty, who's crying just as much as you. “no, no, that's not true, not at all, please don't say that.”

“but that's what it feels like,” your voice cracks into a sob. “you didn't even want to talk to me about it. you were just... fine with letting me go. i didn't think you could ever be so cruel to someone you claim to have loved, once, matty. especially not someone who loves you as much as i do,” sniffling, you wipe your eyes and open a car door, quickly telling the driver the address of the bar before turning back to matty. “i appreciate you getting taylor to invite me tonight, but i think it was a mistake; we can't be friends, you and i, we really can't. i'm sorry, it just… hurts,” you check the time. “i need to go. take care.”

it's too warm in the car. you roll the window down slightly. you can hear matty crying from halfway down the street.

#i'm very sorry #mads muses #mads does writing #d word matty #matty asks #angst asks #matty healy fanfiction #matty healy fanfic #matty healy fic #matty healy angst #matty healy x reader #matty x reader

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princessjung · 4 months

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Blue

GE Saeran x Fem!MC

626 words

Bittersweet memories and longing for lost love melted into one color.

Blue.

The colour that reminds me of peace and tranquillity when I'm with you.

If comfort were a person, she was certain it would be Saeran Choi. His entire existence alone melted away her worries and pain, as if they never existed in the first place. Every single thing about him reminds her of sunshine, clouds, and everything nice.

She woke up late that day, which is rather unusual for a morning person like her. She took a glance at the empty space next to her before going to the bathroom to wash her face.

Blue.

The colour that resembles the longing I felt for you.

It didn't matter whether they were apart for a minute or even months; she always longed for his presence right by her side. There is no safer place in this world other than in his arms, embracing her as if she were the centre of the universe.

She doesn't have much planned for the day, but she did want to go out and let her instincts guide her journey today. She exited the now-empty house after a quick breakfast and left a brief message in the chatroom about her whereabouts.

The street was surprisingly empty, much to her advantage, as she was not fond of crowded places in the first place. Along the way, she passed by a flower shop that caught her attention right away.

It's been so long since she bought something for herself. It would be nice to have a bouquet of hers and his favourite flower, she thought to herself. After contemplating for a moment, she decided to enter the shop and tapped the shoulders of the male florist politely.

"Excuse me, can I get a bouquet of white roses with lilies of the valley, please?"

"Right away, miss. Did you know that white roses represent loyalty and innocence? Lilies of the valley symbolise happiness, so this combination is a popular choice among brides for their wedding day."

The young florist explained with sheer excitement in his voice while preparing her bouquet. She smiled faintly at his enthusiasm. He reminds her of Saeran, perhaps a tad too much.

"I may have learned a bit about flower language from my... boyfriend. But thank you for your explanation. Don't lose this passion of yours, okay? It suits you well."

His eyes shone brightly from her compliments. "Really? Thank you, miss! Please send my regards to your boyfriend. I'm sure that he's a good person if he cares about floriography, and I wish you both a long-lasting relationship..."

"...Of course, I'll let him know."

Blue.

The colour that bears the resemblance of sadness when I think about you.

After walking out of the shop, she stared at the bouquet in her hand for a while. The flowers are fresh, soft, and blooming, in contrast to her withering heart. She felt the ache creeping up at the thought and quickly shook it off. The gentle breeze suddenly brushed off her face, as if telling her to cheer up and gaze at the passing clouds and endless sky right above her.

So that's what she did.

She looked up at the blue sky for the first time that day. It was neither too hot nor too cold. The weather is just right for a little walk down to the nearby park. It's been a while since she left home, after all. Maybe some fresh air would bring some good change to her emotional state.

She smiled unconsciously. It's as if Saeran was being her guardian angel and taking care of her, just like he promised her back then, even if they were miles away now.

"My love, the sky and clouds look beautiful today as well. Are you having fun painting it up there?"

#a blast from the past i guess #heavily inspired by taeyeon blue urgh i love her so much #i wrote this last year and broke my own heart #i need to stop being depressed on my own birthday #maybe I'll write something more fluffy for myself after this #who knows #mystic messenger #choi saeran #mm #mysme #saeran choi #mysme saeran #mystic messenger saeran #mm saeran #ge saeran

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miraculouslbcnreactions · 26 days

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Hi. :D

Regarding the ending, it seems like the fandom divided about Marinette's decision to hide the truth from Adrien. I've seen group of people believing the lie is the result of her being manipulated by Gabriel, there's other who said that it's in character for Marinette to control information and compare it to what she did in Bubbler episode and there's also people who believe that the lie is a result of the wish that make Marinette's memory become blurry hence why she believed that Gabriel and Monarque are two different people.

What about you? What do you think about Marinette decision? What could be reasoning?

Thank you and I'm sorry for grammar error. ;;

My personal opinion is that it's all the result of bad writing, making it impossible to guess Marinette's motivation. If/when her motivation is revealed, I'm guessing it's going to make about as much sense as Alya knowing who Ladybug is and still believing Lila. To show you what I mean, I'll just go through the arguments you bring up one-by-one and explain why they don't hold much water.

Gabriel Manipulating Marinette

For this point to make sense, Gabriel needed to actually manipulate Marinette, but that's not what we see. He makes a dying request of her, but nothing in the fight or the season backs up her caring about that request. The lead up to the wish is largely Bugnoir and Monarch in a verbal sparing match that looks something like this:

Bug Noire: You'd know this if you ever took an interest in him. But in reality, Adrien means NOTHING to you anymore! You've locked him in your house — LOCKED him in your Alliance rings! Locked him into a life that allows you to hide behind him in order to justify YOUR madness! Lucky Charm!! (summons a tube of glue) Monarch: All I want is for him to be happy

Oh yeah, she's being so manipulated here! Gabriel is totally changing her mind about everything! That's why the fight literally ends with Gabriel changing his mind and making a different wish than originally intended! That's how manipulation works, right?

If the message of this fight was supposed to be that Gabriel manipulated Marinette and not the other way around, then it would need to look something like this comic where he guilts her into keeping his secrets. It would need look like this because Gabriel and Marinette have nothing close to a positive relationship. They hate each other. They also know next to nothing about each other, which is why the fight's dialogue is nothing but exposition and squabbling over who knows Adrien better as Adrien is literally their only connection.

This is why the only manipulation that would work on Marinette is guilt tripping her about the reveal hurting Adrien because Marinette doesn't give two shits about Gabriel. But Gabriel doesn't do that. He just politely asks her to not tell Adrien:

Gabriel: (turns around to Marinette) Marinette, make sure that Adrien never knows about the villain that I was, (puts down the twin rings on the ground) but instead, that he remembers the times I tried to be a good father. (turns back to Gimmi)

This is not manipulation. He's not messing with her emotions. He doesn't say anything like, "telling Adrien will hurt him immensely Marinette. If you love him, you'll let him remember me as a loving father." He just makes a request of a young woman who hates him and hopes for the best.

If Marinette loved Gabriel and was heartbroken that he was her enemy, then his dying wish could be argued to be a form of manipulation because he knows how much she cares for him and how much his actions hurt her and how much she doesn't want to remember him as a villain, but that's not what the writers wrote. Instead, they gave us things like the pancake scenes and Gabriel trying to break Adrienette up with magic.

Marinette likes Controlling Information

I've talked about the scarf thing and Marinette's general tendency toward secret keeping before. My general thoughts are that there is no point in the show where Marinette is shown to like keeping secrets or controlling information. She only ever keeps secrets that arguably should be kept. The show has also never put her in a situation where she has an ongoing lie that actively hurts someone.

You may be thinking about the scarf thing as a counter argument, but for that to be an indication of how she handles ongoing lies, it would need to be an ongoing lie in the actual narrative and not just the fandom. As is, the scarf appeared in one episode and was then forgotten by the show. The scarf lie was also a split-second decision made without any knowledge of why the lie even happened.

If Adrien wore the scarf all the time and talked about how much it meant to him that his father had gotten him such a wonderful gift, then I'd agree with you that the scarf sets Marinette up as the type of person who might keep the senti thing a secret. But that's not what the show actually does. She's never confronted with this lie again. At this point, it would honestly be weird for her to bring it up.

I'm sure someone is reading this and thinking about the Chat Blanc thing, but the narrative treats that episode in such a confusing way that I don't even know how to approach it. A lot of people thought that it was the thing driving the season four conflict, but that doesn't actually seem to be the case because revealing it wasn't part of resolving the season four conflict. Marinette also doesn't seem to have any trauma around Chat Blanc. Instead - somehow - Adrien does even though he doesn't know it happened and I just... what?

At the very least, I think that we can all acknowledge that telling your partner that he ended the world in an alternate timeline that will now never exist and whose cause you do not know has, at best, questionable benefits. The only reason I wanted Marinette to tell him was because I thought that it was affecting her and because, in certain circumstances, telling him could have lead to Gabriel's defeat and I like poetic justice.

But if Chat Blanc isn't affecting Marinette, then telling Chat Noir is kinda pointless since there's nothing that he can do about it as far as she knows. It could even be arguably seen as cruel. I don't think that Marinette needs to tell her partner every awful thing that he does when the akuma of the day controls him because none of it is his fault and he can't change the past. Telling him just feels like guilt tripping. Given canon's wacky writing, a Chat Blanc reveal is just that on a larger scale.

I honestly can't think of anything else we could call an ongoing lie outside of the secret identities and general miraculous stuff. The senti thing is Marinette's first real harmful ongoing lie and it's one that she actively planned, too, since she would have had time to gather her thoughts before she sees Adrien. I truly don't think that it fits her character, especially since Adrien isn't shown to be in mourning.

I'm not saying that this would be an easy thing to tell him, I'm just saying that it really doesn't fit her character to choose to lie. Even if you disagree with my above arguments and say that the scarf and Chat Blanc were setups for this, canon itself has given Marinette an arc about being less controlling.

In season five we have the stuff with Lila where the whole "high road" thing was proven to be a bad call. And, Chat Blanc or not, season four ended with her saying this:

Ladybug: Why don't you just give up on me? I've lost ALL the Miraculous! I'm the worst Guardian EVER! I wanted to control everything, I didn't listen to you, I lied to you, I kept you at a distance! Every time you offered me a helping hand, I never took it! I really made a mess of EVERYTHING! (continues sobbing)

So what was the point of that if she still "tries to control everything"? (Even though I'd argue that she didn't. A lot of this rant isn't actually backed up by what we see happening in season four, but it's still the lesson that the writers chose to have her openly state she learned.)

In summary, Marinette has never been big on lying unless she has to and she's supposedly had an arc about not being controlling, so either this isn't it or she's learned nothing and season four was an even bigger waste of time than I already thought it was.

The Wish Did It

This is arguably the most plausible scenario, but if we go this route, then it's still bad writing because the wish rewrites the universe so there's no way to discover "the truth" because it isn't the truth anymore. Whatever Gabriel changed is now reality and the only way to make that not so is to retcon how the wish works. And if they're reconning that, well, how can you trust anything the show tells you about the lore?

The reason why consistent world building and characterization are so important is because it's the foundation on which stories are built. The puzzle pieces that fit together to create the cohesive whole. If your puzzle pieces don't fit together, then you are telling a story that the audience cannot logically follow and that is generally considered to be objectively bad storytelling unless you're writing literary nonsense like Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. (Yes that's an actual genre.)

In Summary

Like I said at the top, this all just feels like bad writing to me. It's not the natural next chapter in the story. It actively goes against past characterization and supposed character arcs, but that's hardly shocking. Throughout the show, we've seen the writers do whatever the hell they want to make a plot work, ignoring their own lore in the process. I don't expect that to change and neither should you.

The Alya and Lila thing is my go-to example because it's the most glaring indication of what you should expect to see in this show. If a reporter who actively reported that Lila is Ladybug's best friend will not be swayed by learning that Ladybug is someone who actively hates Lila, then it is pointless to try to make sense of the writing. Trying to logically guess where it's going next or what a character is going to do is an exercise in madness because that's not how Miraculous works.

It's why I haven't weighed in on what the wish will mean for season six. The wish will mean whatever the hell the writers decide it means no matter what the previous five seasons contained. It's also why this blog largely focuses on discussing canon's existing flaws and ways that you could potentially fix them. That's the stuff I really enjoy and find value in. Theory crafting only works for media that is logically solid and consistent. Asks like yours are still welcome! Just know that they're going to bring out my most cynical, judgemental side.

#ml writing salt #ml writing critical #ml season 5 salt #marinette deserves better

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dearweirdme · 4 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/737790710290546688/hi-rain-merry-christmas-in-arears-and-happy-new

First of all, amazing response. You were way more polite than I would have been, and I think yours is the best answer that could be given because as rude as this anon is, responding with rudeness would accomplish nothing. But I find this message fascinating. I know Jkkers had a rough year. They are clinging for dear life to this fantasy they've created for themselves to live in. And it is pure fantasy. They are not fans of the real Jimin and Jungkook. They do not ship the real Jimin and Jungkook. They don't even hate the real Tae. They have twisted those three into fictional characters because that is what is necessary to maintain this illusion they are desperate not to shatter, and that should tell you everything you need to know. Anon admits to us that what Tae has shown over this last year is enough to make them believe he is in a romantic relationship with Jungkook, because they think they've found a way to twist it into something that reflects negatively on Tae. In their alternate version of reality this starts and ends with Taenn/e. But Tae's affection for Jungkook has been loud and clear a long time before that. They are just now allowing themselves to see it since they've found a way for it to fall in line with Tae being the villain of their story. They're getting so close to a revelation on this. So much of this essay comes from a place of hatred for Tae. I genuinely hope they start working through this in a healthy way. They said they have read through your blog, but that's an obvious lie when they start talking about how we hate Jimin and think he's a homewrecker. Personally, Jimin does not factor into my beliefs about Taekook. At all. I don't need to believe anything negative about him (or anyone else) to make Taekook make sense for me. I see Taekook, I listen to Taekook, and I do the math. Their relationship and interactions are enough. It's very simple actually. Jimin is obviously one of their best friends and cares about them a lot, and they care about him.

Hi anon!

It is a bit fascinating to me too. That anon came back last night and kinda doubled down on their takes. I've decided against posting that ask, since no-one really wants to read all that again, and anon was quite condescending to me, which I don't like. But there's a few things in their ask that stick out which I would like to talk about, so I'll elaborate a bit in my reply to your ask.

We all wonder why anons like that come here, and why they try to change our minds. That anon brought it as "i needed some of you to objectively think about how you view things now and how your views might change if it turns out that y’all were wrong", but I think we make them feel uncomfortable in their own beliefs. We are quite strong in our wordings and convictions about Jkk not being real around here. And seeing that conviction makes them... have a nagging sense of doubt that they wont admit to. BUt it's there in the back of their minds. This anon tries to come off as strong, but just the mere fact that they come here to convince us is the doubt speaking. They call me "the sanest Taekooker they have seen" but what they actually see (or what they think they see) is an opening. They don't actually think I am sane 😂. Anon is very stuck in their Jkk believes, and they need to think like this: I don’t hate Tae. I don’t understand him and i think he is weird and likes to troll or stir chaos (RM himself called Tae the king of trolling) but i don’t hate him. Because they are the ones who don't know how to explain Jkk while also being able to see the good in Tae. They are the ones who have to reconcile Tae using Jk for clout, with Jk also choosing to spend a lot of time with him, with Jk letting Tae hear Seven first. They even throw all members under the bus when thinking like this. They think Jk and Jm allow Tae to do this, to use the people he's close to like this. They think the other members are alright with this. They think Jennie is alright with Tae hinting at a queer relationship, but not acknowledging their own. THey have to think lowly of so many people including the ones they ship together just to maintain their believes. It's despicable really. If they were to hear Jm and JK's actual thoughts on this they would burn in shame.

It has not been a great year for Jkkrs indeed. There were times when some started doubting, narratives of temporarily splitting up, narratives of Jm pushing Jk to the side when he was working on Face, followed up by "they are still the same" when they did get a glimpse of them together. Ofcourse they are still the same, nothing changed between Jk and Jm except the lack of spending time together as much. But their freindship is the same as it ever was. It's only Jkkrs ideas that did not match up, and they had to be creative to explain why things felt different.

Jkkrs are great at finding far fetched explanations. They do it constantly by filling in the voids with fantasies. They also lack a subtlety in understanding how humans actually work. When anon came back their main point was that: I was talking about taekookers in general and i have seen you get some asks from toxic taekookers who believe that Jimin is the villain in Taekook’s love story and to be honest in a way, you all do whether you accept it or not. They then went to explain how Tae at times seems hurt by Jkk interactons, while at other times he doesn't seem to mind. In their head, that means that Tae deliberately chooses times to make us Tkkrs believe in Tkk, because why else would he: If Tae honestly had a problem with those kind of interactions, don’t u think he would have a problem with Jikook being together at all? So according to some tkkrs, tae can get hurt because Jikook are singing to eo, or because Jimin pinches Jk’s thigh or because Jimin goes too close to Jungkook, but he is fine with Jk having Jimin’s sweaty earlobes in his mouth, he is fine with Jikook drinking together late at night and Jk carrying Jimin in his arms which leads to Jimin biting his neck to get him to put him down? He is ok with Jk sitting down for hours watching Jimin centered content while having the most nostalgic look in his eyes even though this is something Jk never bothered to do for Tae?

Anon looks at this situation from a fan perspective and does not allow room for member's own feelings, experiences, knowledge, moods, etc. Anon does not even allow room for Tae's knowledge of his own culture and of his knowledge on Jk and Jm's characters. We just had the Korean-american anon explain how skinship is viewed in SK, and that is exactly what matters here... because Tae (being a very touchy person himself) knows that what Jk and Jm do (and what Jkkrs hugely misinterpret) is skinship and a bit of fanservice. Tae does not worry about them being more. He is not jealous of Jm in the way that he thinks Jm will steel Jk away.. he is jealous of Jm being able to do certain things and for how people receive that. With all their experience, Tae knows which actions of Jk and Jm will get Jkkrs all geared up... and I think that THAT is something he dislikes very much. Not Jm, but how some think Jk is Jm's and not his. Jm and Jk were never held back in their interactions and affections, while Tae and Jk are.. and that hurts. He wasn't even able to show how close they were in a platonic way. He was even made to make it seem as though Jk and him had drifted apart. So yes, Tae has bitterness about the situation, but he knows it's not Jm's fault. And he would never ask Jk and Jm to tone down their genuine friendship just because some misinterpret it. Jk and Jm mean too much to him for that.

Real life is filled with all sorts of different influences, having slept badly can already make someone react differntly to a joke than they normally would. People aren't static beings who always react the same way. People are influenced by lots of things: sleep, stress, hunger, arguments, lots and lots and lots of things.

Well this was long and I think I rambled a lot 🙈

#taekook #straws

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mindmeltonabun-blog · 4 months

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My Demon: Theories and Analysis for Eps 9-10

Happy New Year, Readers!

I hope 2024 brings great things for everyone. I delayed posting a T&A post for Eps 9-10 partly due to holiday busyness and partly because I'm tired of plagiarists taking my theories and ideas and reposting them as their own. For those who have been my followers for a while now, you know this has been a constant issue for me. I don't think it's hard to give someone credit for original ideas that they've come up with.

I thought I wouldn't encounter this same issue with the MD fandom, but I was wrong. I saw a Twitter user taking multiple theories of mine and reposting them as their own. I don't rule out the possibility that people can have the same thoughts, but when you're specifically mentioning things only I had talked about and no one else did, it makes you look guilty as hell.

Hours after I posted my T&A for Eps 1-6, they decided to take multiple theories of mine and post them to their account. One example is how they took my idea that the cross necklace either once belonged to Do Hee or was given to Gu Won by Do Hee. Another example is how they took my idea that the cross tattoo on her wrist symbolized she was the source of it all. There are many more examples, but I don't want to spend all my time listing them all out. It's the same old spill, though; they're doing it for clout. In the future, I won't be posting my theories or analysis for eps until a day or two before the newest episodes come out. This ensures the cheaters won't be able to use my theories for their own personal gains. But enough about this piece of trash.

I want to forewarn everyone this post is very long like 17 pages so definitely take a break from it whenever. If you have any questions about anything I've written so far for MD, please feel free to use the "Ask Me Anything" button and I'll try to answer your questions ASAP! There are probably grammatical mistakes...it's hard to edit 17 pgs worth of shit haha. Finally, if you choose to use my stuff, give me credit, that's all I ask.

Time to put on our thinking caps to analyze and theorize!

Section 1: General Thoughts

Eps 9-10 were top-notch! I admire the writer's ability to incorporate twists inspired by literature, movies, kdramas, fairytales, art, math, etc. One major theme appears to be the profound impact our choices can have, leading to unintended consequences not only for ourselves but also for others. The show also delves into the coexistence of seemingly opposing elements, such as angels and devils or odd and even numbers.

The clock in the intro, featuring angels and devils, draws inspiration from MC Escher's "Circle IV: Heaven and Hell." Escher, influenced by mathematics, created art that explored the interlocking nature of opposites, mirroring the eternal connection between Do Hee and Gu Won.

Now, let's discuss the intricate math woven into this show. The complexity of the numerical elements has forever changed my perception of numbers. For instance, I once saw "snake eyes" as 1+1=2, but after MD, I now see it as 11. Similarly, 10 used to be just 10, but after MD, I see 01 is its mirror image, and 1+0=1.

MD provides a fresh perspective on Dostoevsky's "Crime and Punishment" and "Demons," exploring psychological complexities, moral and existential dilemmas, societal and political systems, faith, morality, isolation, alienation, guilt, internal struggles, and redemption. Much like these literary works, MD delves into the psychological toll of potential crimes and the impact of abuse on individuals. It's a concoction of various influences, reminiscent of Frankenstein, weaving elements from Romeo and Juliet, DAYS, TOTNT, Goblin, Lucifer, The Bodyguard, Greek Mythology, Christianity/Catholicism, Cinderella, and Beauty and the Beast.

The overarching message from MD seems to be that everyone harbors inner demons, and it's how we confront and handle these demons that defines us. Our choices can lead to positive, creative outcomes or negative, destructive consequences, shaping not only our self-perception but also how others perceive us—angelic guardians or malevolent demons.

Section 2: Gu Won's Past

2.1 Gu Won's Name: A Divine Revelation

As I revisited my previous ideas and rewatched episodes, Jang Mi's line, "I'd say the heavens or his ancestors did," really got me thinking. Recall that in my last post I theorized Gu Won might be related to Madam Ju. Well, after I saw Jang Mi's comment, I felt like I might be onto something.

I repeatedly wrote "Ju Yi Sun…Ju Yi Sun" and thought about ways my theory could be wrong (like, what if he's a Park? Kim? Choi? Cho? Jin?). That's when it all started clicking. Gu Won's current name had ties to Catholicism/Christianity, so his past name must've been the same. Out of all the last names mentioned in this, only one was associated with religion--Ju. You see, there's a wordplay in Gu Won's past name, Ju Yi Sun. In Korean, "Ju" means "Lord," but it can also mean "wine" and "week" (hint hint… the show's got themes of Catholicism/Christianity and time, haha). The second syllable of his name, "Sun", sounds like "son". When you piece it all together, you'll realize Gu Won's past name means "Lord's son" aka Jesus. I've now realized the clues proving he is a "Ju" have been there since the very start, but I just didn't connect the dots until now haha. Additional clues are available on my Twitter for those interested!

I doubt we'll witness Gu Won pulling off miracles like walking on water, but he has showcased some Jesus-like feats. Remember Ep 1, where he performed the fish miracle for Park Bok Gyu? That's similar to what Jesus did (miracle #6, to be exact), haha. Then in Ep 3, he healed the sick, echoing another one of Jesus's miracles. And in Ep 10, Jesus—I mean Gu Won—brought Do Hee back from the dead, a blend of miracles #11, 15, and 33. Who knows, maybe we'll get to see another Jesus-like miracle before this show wraps up? Perhaps calming a storm at sea or casting demons into a herd of pigs, haha.

Throughout the series, Gu Won has been frequently seen with wine, a symbol often linked to Jesus and representative of his blood. In Ep 9, Gu Won tells God he prefers wine because it's the tears of God. Interestingly, in the original myth, these tears were attributed to Jesus, not God. Jesus shed tears when witnessing Lucifer Morningstar's fall from Heaven. The writer's choice to attribute the tears to God may hint at their intention to portray Gu Won as a blend of Jesus and Lucifer Morningstar. It makes you wonder though if God shed tears after Gu Won died the first time around or when he started going "bad", doesn't it? Haha.

For those unfamiliar, Lucifer Morningstar earned the moniker of the Devil following his rebellion against God, leading to his descent from heaven into Hell. Before this rebellion, his name carried positive connotations such as light bringer, dawn bringer, and the morning star, associated with the planet Venus and the Goddess of Love. Examining Won's former name, Yi Sun, the word "Sun" stands out. Given the sun is a type of star, this connection holds significant meaning. Coupled with the dawn imagery in Ep 1 and Ep 10, the connection to Lucifer Morningstar becomes apparent. Gu Won's story started with him playing the roles of Jesus and Lucifer Morningstar. After his fall from Heaven, he transformed into the Devil. As Gu Won reunites with Do Hee, his journey comes full circle, bringing him back to his original identity as Yi Sun aka Jesus/Lucifer Morningstar.

If Gu Won is indeed a Ju, it would introduce some serious drama in the show. This means he'd be related to people responsible for the past deaths of Do Hee's parents and the current threats on her life. It's giving me Romeo and Juliet vibes haha. In Eps 11-12, I think Gu Won will discover he's a Ju. This discovery will affect him deeply, knowing he's related to those who've inflicted so much pain upon Do Hee both in the past and present. This revelation will weigh heavily on him, leading him to end his relationship with Do Hee due to overwhelming guilt.

Section 2.2 The Past...Flip It and Reverse It

Let's revisit the Joseon dynasty, a time when societal norms were so conservative and backward! My theory about Gu Won's past remains largely unchanged. I still believe the major obstacle to Gu Won and Do Hee's love story was the differences in their social classes and that Gu Won became a demon because of Do Hee. However, I'd like to add a few more details to this theory.

Before delving into the intricacies of Gu Won's past, it's essential to grasp a couple of key points. Firstly, the past is the reverse of the present. Secondly, within the show, the notion of "wealth" or "richness" takes on an unconventional meaning. While wealth is conventionally linked with material affluence --having substantial money (i.e dollar dollar bills)--here, being "wealthy" or "rich" can also mean having a soul, as souls are considered a form of currency. For example, in the present, Do Hee is rich in both the conventional and unconventional sense-- she has substantial monetary wealth and a soul. However, in the past, Do Hee was poor in the conventional sense (she was the Cinderella character in this context) but rich in the unconventional sense (i.e had a soul). Now, Gu Won in the present is rich in the conventional sense but poor in the unconventional sense (has no soul; he's the Cinderella type character in this sense). In contrast, in the past, Gu Won was rich both in terms of monetary wealth and spiritual wealth. I hope this wasn't too confusing for anyone!

Before Gu Won was a mean bankrupt vampire in the the present, he was a kind man who was well-loved by his servants in the past. Gu Won treated them with respect and as equals. This type of behavior would've been viewed by many of his social class as unusual and unconventional. In the hierarchical society of the time, where nobility often maintained a distinct separation from their servants, Gu Won's compassionate and egalitarian approach set him apart. His genuine care for those around him challenged societal norms, earning him both admiration and, inevitably, disapproval from those who clung to the traditional expectations of class distinction.

One such person who would've greatly disapproved of Gu Won's actions was his father. Judging from the flashbacks, it seemed Gu Won's father was a strict individual devoted to tradition, adherence to societal rules, and maintaining an image of wealth and power. In contrast, Gu Won disregarded these conventions, prioritizing modernity and challenging norms, a stark departure from his father's values. Therefore, Gu Won's father would've viewed Gu Won as a rebel and a devil similar to how Madam Ju viewed Seok Min. Unlike Seok Min, however, Gu Won was inherently a good person. Side note, I think it was funny that in the past, Gu Won was all about being modern, while in the present, he's all about tradition haha. How the times have changed!

Being a hedonistic individual, Gu Won would have been a frequent visitor to local kisaeng houses, and this is where I believe he initially encountered Do Hee and God. My bet is that God may have been employed as either the owner or a waitress here. As we know, God tends to hang around places with casino games, and kisaeng houses often had various gambling games.

In the past, Do Hee was the antithesis of her present self. Unlike the present Do Hee, who held no belief in God and perceived her life as modern warfare, the Do Hee of the past was deeply religious and traditional. Similar to Sonia in "Crime and Punishment", Do Hee worked as a kisaeng to support her family. Her family's financial status was probably in shambles due to her father's gambling problems and alcoholism. Despite his vices, I don't think Do Hee's father was abusive like Ga Yeong's father in the present. I think he was more like Sonia's father, where even though he was a gambler and drunkard, he never mistreated or abused Do Hee.

Much like Sonia, Do Hee was a devout Catholic. However, in contrast to Sonia, Do Hee couldn't openly practice her faith. This was because during the Joseon dynasty, the predominant religion was Confucianism. Those of the Confucius faith viewed the rise of Catholicism as a major threat to their current belief system. Therefore, many Catholics faced persecution during the Joseon dynasty.

Despite coming from two different worlds (rich vs poor), Gu Won and Do Hee connected because they were seen as oddballs and outcasts in their own social classes. Gu Won, a nobleman who treated his servants as equals found common ground with Do Hee, a religious prostitute. These two odd birds were equally matched in every respect (odd and even get it? 1+1=2), creating a connection that transcended societal norms--they were, essentially, each other's soulmates. Their only "crime" was being born in the wrong era. Their love wasn't destined to flourish during the Joseon Dynasty. Instead, it was meant to thrive in the more modern times, like the present. If only these two had a time machine to fast forward to the future. Oh right...they did have a time machine and it was called God haha.

In Ep 9, God said to Gu Won, "Some call me time". Gu Won and Do Hee had the favor of God and time on their side. While God couldn't fast-forward time in the conventional sense (i.e give them a time machine or snap her fingers to transport them to the future), she could fast-forward time in the sense that she could make one lover immortal, freezing them in time, while she reincarnated the other lover at the right time so they could meet.

Just as in the present, Gu Won and Do Hee in the past also had to deal with people who were trying to sabotage their relationship. Much like their present-day counterparts, Ga Yeong and Seok Hoon of the past were among those who sought to break up Gu Won and Do Hee for their own selfish gains. Just remember what Gu Won said in Ep 1, "Evil stems from human desires". It's the desires of these two that contributed to the tragic fates of Gu Won and Do Hee in the past.

In the past, Gu Won's father had likely chosen Ga Yeong as a bride for Gu Won instead of Do Hee. Unlike her life now, past Ga Yeong was from an affluent and influential family, making her an ideal match by Joseon's standards with her beauty, wealth, and power. What remained unchanged from the past to the present is that Ga Yeong still had a bad personality and was just as obsessed with Gu Won in the past as she was in the present.

As for Seok Hoon, being a Ju in the past, he likely still enjoyed wealth, but instead of being the humble and kind person we know him to be today (I still have my doubts btw), he was a greedy and power-hungry Ju.

If we go with my theory that Gu Won was a Ju, one might ask, what was the relationship between him and Seok Hoon in the past? I think they were brothers--Gu Won, the lazy older brother set to take over the Ju household, and Seok Hoon, the younger, ambitious brother. Seok Hoon was probably jealous of Gu Won because Gu Won seemingly had everything handed to him on a silver platter without much effort or desire (maybe they were like Cain and Abel?). Side note, I'm going to laugh if it turns out Seok Hoon killed Gu Won with a rock because that's what Cain did to Abel.

Another possibility is that Gu Won and Seok Hoon were brothers who found themselves in love with the same woman. Seok Hoon got butt hurt because Do Hee chose Gu Won over him so he decided to destroy them both. If he couldn't get love, he would seek power (hmmmm sounds similar to the present haha).

Gu Won and Do Hee were just trying to be in their own little love nest but societal norms and people's desires got in the way. Similar to the present, Ga Yeong and Seok Hoon teamed up to exploit the lovebirds' vulnerabilities. Ga Yeong coveted Gu Won's heart while Seok Hoon sought the position of heir to the Ju household. Gu Won's vulnerability was Do Hee, and Do Hee's Achilles' heel was her Catholic faith. Team Judas decided to use the lovebirds' secrets to fulfill their greatest desires. As we've seen in the show, revealing people's deepest secrets can be an effective means to achieve one's goals.

Seok Hoon found out Gu Won was in love with Do Hee and wanted to marry her which again was a no-no because noblemen couldn't marry those from lower social classes than them. And Ga Gyeong, she discovered Do Hee was a Catholic by paying someone off.

Seok Hoon and Ga Yeong probably informed Gu Won's father about Gu Won and Do Hee's secret relationship. Gu Won's father couldn't have Gu Won tarnished the family reputation by being involved with a Catholic kisaeng so he sought to eliminate Do Hee.

On the day they died, Gu Won and Do Hee were doing normal couple things like walking on the beach. However, their blissful day turned into a nightmare as they found themselves being chased by the men Gu Won's father had hired to kill Do Hee. They eventually ended up being cornered on a cliff. Subsequently, they fell into the ocean similar to the events of Ep 1. The only difference between the events of Ep 1 and the past was that Gu Won was a mortal man who didn't have the powers to save him and Do Hee.

After this death, Gu Won woke up in Hell. Why? Because he was rich and lazy. Remember what Do Hee said in Ep 1- the rich and those who don't believe in God go to Hell. You might wonder why being rich automatically lands you in Hell? It's because those who are rich usually acquire their monetary wealth through unethical and immoral means. In turn, their actions eat away at their soul until they have none. Therefore, those who don't have souls go to Hell. While Gu Won might not have been directly involved in shady dealings, he still lived off his family's wealth which may have been obtained through dishonest means. Additionally, Gu Won's slothful nature and lack of diligent work might have been another factor contributing to his descent into Hell. As for Gu Won's religious beliefs, I don't think he had one. However, maybe he did in the end because of Do Hee.

So, what about Do Hee then? Where did she end up? She probably found herself in Heaven because she was poor and believed in God. This created the same issue for the lovers in death as they had in life-- being in separate worlds. Just like in life, they weren't able to be together even in death. Do Hee ended up wishing she could be where Gu Won was, which in this case was Hell. Do Hee sacrifice her soul/Heaven for Hell.

Do Hee's sacrificial act probably deeply touched God and prompted her to offer the two lovers a once-in-a-lifetime job...become demons and earn your souls back. However, I think Gu Won wouldn't have wanted Do Hee to become a monster, so he negotiated with God that he would become a monster for the both of them. Meaning he would work as a demon to earn back both of their souls and spare Do Hee the life of working as a demon.

By doing so, Gu Won would be able to save them from Hell and live a happy life in a place between Heaven and Hell, which was Earth. However, it wouldn't be all rainbows and unicorns though. Without any soul money to bargain with, Gu Won had to give up the only bargaining chip he had--his human memories. With the last vestige of his humanity gone, God imbued him with powers so that he could work towards saving his and Do Hee's souls from Hell so that they could have a better and brighter tomorrow.

Alternatively, I can envision the events unfolding similarly to those in Episode 1 with minor differences. Gu Won regained consciousness in the waters, and instead of turning back to try and save Do Hee, he swam up and left her behind. Once ashore, he felt immense guilt about his actions and saw himself as a monster and a poison to the very woman he claimed to have loved. Like the previous theory, God appeared and offered him a deal that would allow him to redeem himself. Though I find this theory plausible, I believe the other one is more likely to occur.

Section 3: More On The Contract with God

Section 3.1 Soul Money

Now let's take a deeper dive into the specifics of Gu Won's once-in-a-lifetime job! I'll start this section off with an analogy. God is the owner of Jesus Corp. Bank where money is stored. When I say money, I'm not talking about dollar bills, I'm talking about souls or as I like to call it, "soul money".

Gu Won is working at Jesus Corp. Bank as a loan officer because he's spiritually bankrupt as in he has 0 Soul Wons (SW) in his soul bank account. As with any job, Gu Won gets paid except he doesn't get paid with earthly money, he earns soul money. To buy a soul, you have to have 1000 SW (1000 SW=1000 W). For every year that he works, he earns 10 SW or 10 won (I will go over how I came up with these calculations further down). This may seem like a lousy pay, but when it comes to reclaiming your soul, sacrifices must be made. It really is a small price to pay hahaha.

Anyways, if it costs 1000 won (1000 SW) for a soul, how many years does Gu Won have to work to earn 1000 won at a pay rate of 10 won per year? 100 years. You're probably thinking where are you getting these values from and how the math ain't mathing, but don't worry just keep reading!

Let's first start out with how I deduced a soul is worth 1000 won. I kept thinking about the bill God was holding which was 1000 won. 1000 is "cheon" which means Heaven in Korean. It dawned on me that souls have the same value as Heaven, meaning souls = 1000 won and Heaven = 1000 won. You have to have a soul to go to Heaven and those who end up in Hell have no soul.

After this, I started to investigate the clocks. I discovered the clocks in Gu Won's place and on the promotional posters were decimal clocks, commonly used by those in accounting for payroll and hourly billing. If you're curious about what these clocks are, just Google it. I'm not going to spend more time writing than I have to

Ok so now you're wondering how I came up with 10 won/year. Let's consider how Gu Won's 10th name would be Sip Won or 10 Won. Then consider how there are a total of 10 hours on the clocks in Gu Won's place which are representative of 10 years. Put those things together! Each "hour" on the clock is 1 year and each time the hour hand moves from 1 hour to the next, it's 10 won. Therefore, it's 10 won/year.

To help you understand this, I have created a figure below that includes the decimal clocks seen in Gu Won's place (orange), the promotional poster (green), and a 12-hour clock (red). It should be noted that both the orange clock and green clock have a total of 10 hours, it's just that they start at different numbers. The clocks (orange) seen in Gu Won's place are a countdown until the people go to Hell while Gu Won's clock (green) is a countdown until he gets his soul and Heaven.

Now, let's revisit the deal Gu Won offers people. The term is that you get 10 years of Heaven for selling your soul (keep in mind you don't get all of Heaven, you only get 10 years of Heaven). Mathematically calculate how much 10 years of Heaven is worth to see if it's really an equal exchange. Multiply the rate (10 won/year) by the number of years which is 10 years and you would get what? 100 won. That's how much 10 years of Heaven is worth...100 won. You might be thinking now that it wasn't an equal exchange at all, right? Depends on how you look at it! One way to look at it is that you just got cheated because you sold your soul valued at 1000 won for only 100 won of Heaven.

On the other hand, one could view it as a fair exchange because these people (except for the mother and daughter) were trying to cheat the system. Meaning they didn't want to work hard to acquire their Heaven, they would rather acquire it through dishonest means (i.e signing the contract). In the end, the cheater got cheated so it's fair haha!

The thing is every time one engaged in shady crap, it eats at your soul until you're spiritually bankrupt. In this context, you've already sold your soul to the devil. You didn't need to sign a contract with the Devil to go to Hell, you would've ended up there sooner or later because you had engaged in deceitful acts to acquire your greatest desires. One could then see Gu Won was doing the world a huge favor by signing contracts with these cheaters because he removed these bad eggs from the living world more quickly!

Some might wonder, can you be a rich person while living and not end up in Hell after? Yes, you can. How? By acquiring your wealth through honest means, following the rules, and engaging in acts of charity. In this way, you would not only be materialistically rich but spiritually rich as well.

The moral lesson in MD is to live a righteous life and work hard for the things you want in life. If you decide to engage in dishonest behavior (i.e cheating), just know you may not have to pay for it while you're living, but you'll eventually have to pay for it in the afterlife.

Section 3.2 Why Did Gu Won Have to Work for 200 Years?

Now let's consider what would happen if say were in Hell like Gu Won was, but wanted Heaven? What can you do if you are spiritually bankrupt? You got to WORK BITCHHHH to earn back your soul. Shit.... that's hard for a sloth who had never worked a day in their life...cough...cough Gu Won.

Why did Gu Won have to work for 200 years? It's because he not only had to buy back his soul but he also had to buy back Do Hee's soul too. Let's do some math....if a soul costs 1000 won and you make 10 won/year, how many years would you have to work? 100 years (10x=1000; x = 100). Again, because he had to get Do Hee's soul out of Hell, he had to work an extra 100 years.

I believe in the first 100 years on the job, Gu Won earned back Do Hee's soul which freed it from Hell. In turn, this allowed her to become reincarnated while Gu Won was still stuck working towards getting his soul back.

Now, you might be wondering if Gu Won obtained more deals, wouldn't he earn back his soul faster? Nope. It doesn't matter how many contracts he signed, he still got paid the same amount every year. What mattered was that he worked period. And this is why Gu Won didn't know how many contracts he had to sign to prevent spontaneous combustion haha. He didn't get that all he had to do was work. To earn back your soul, you have to be diligent, not take any shortcuts, and follow the rules. As a worker at Jesus Corp bank, if you're lazy for one second, you spontaneously combust haha. If you cheat and break rules, same thing haha.

One might think Gu Won would be able to get out of his job as a demon if he became human right? Not quite. I was wrong in my previous theory when I said after he became human, he would no longer face the threat of spontaneous combustion. He still faced the threat because he did not fulfill his end of the contract with God. Gu Won agreed to work as a demon for 200 years in exchange for his and Do Hee's souls. The keywords are "demon" and "200 years".

The moment he became fully human, it was like he breached his contract with God. Hence this was why he still faced the threat of spontaneous combustion even after he became a human. He was close to hitting 200 years exactly but you know some things got in the way haha. God was basically dangling a bone (i.e Do Hee) in front of Gu Won to motivate him to become a guardian demon faster. Oh and the last piece of his soul is in Do Hee!

So how much longer does Gu Won have to work for God? ~1.2 years. If you look at the clock at the beginning of Ep 9, you'll see the hour hand is pointing at ~8.80 which equates to ~1.2 years left haha. This is why later in the ep, the writer hints at this by having Gu Won say to Do Hee, "Otherwise, I might have to wait another year." So yeah, if you don't work, you die and if you break the contract, you die hahaha. I think Gu Won will continue to work for God even after his contract with her ends.

It was funny Gu Won was trying to blame God for everything. I was like boy you're the one that signed the damn contract haha. You made that decision and now you have to face the consequences of your actions haha. End of the day, God was just trying to help these two lovebirds out and to get Gu Won to grow the fuck up and know the true meaning of hard work haha. Oh, and she was also trying to get him to forgive himself for what happened in the past.

Something Punny

Let's take a quick break with something funny before we head into the next section! So what do you get when you cross a line? Read that really slowly and think about it for a minute.....YOU GET A CROSS HAHAHAHAHAHA. This writer though hahahahahaha. On a serious note, it's because Gu Won and Ga Yeong crossed the line that things have been going in a more positive direction.

Section 4: The Mechanics of The Tattoo Transfer

Before going into how everyone's choices influenced Gu Won and Do Hee's fate, let's first explore the mechanics of the tattoo transfer. I have to say, I'll never trust anything Park Bok Gyu says ever again haha. Because I believed in his little hypothesis, my theory was completely wrong haha.

The essential conditions for the tattoo transfer are as follows: 1) A full moon must be present, 2) Gu Won and Do Hee must face a life-and-death situation, 3) The person without the tattoo must genuinely desire to save the person with the tattoo, and 4) The person with the tattoo must be near death or on the brink of it. The location and timing of the ritual are inconsequential. As long as the specified conditions are met, the transfer can take place!

Section 5: Fate is a Web Woven By a Myriad of Choices

Section 5.1 Free Will Vs. Fate

Ok now let's talk about the great debate...Free Will vs Fate. Did anyone catch the writer's stance on this debate? It was conveyed in Ep 1 and Ep 10! The writer believes these two concepts can coexist with one another. This belief is known as "compatibilism"!

What is compatibilism? It's the belief that while external forces, such as God, upbringing, society, and environment, may play a role in shaping our fate, the ultimate responsibility for our decisions lies with us as individuals. All actions, whether deemed as good or evil, are fundamentally driven by the choices we make. These choices, in turn, are influenced by our internal desires, which can be shaped by external forces. In this perspective, we are active agents, empowered to play a significant role in shaping our own fates through the conscious decisions we make.

God can influence our choices, but the crux of the matter remains we are free to choose whether or not to align our choices with divine guidance. As my bf noted, "Those who don't obey God or adhere to their plans tend to find things don't work out for them. This underscores the idea that aligning our choices with divine guidance can lead to a more favorable fate.

In the show, Do Hee's decision to save Gu Won and vice versa, who had the cross tattoo, can be seen as a complex interplay between free will, determinism, and compatibilism. Her desire to save him reflects an exercise of personal agency, emphasizing the role of free will in her choice. Simultaneously, the symbolism of the cross introduces a deterministic element, suggesting an alignment with a divine plan. This dynamic highlights the compatibility between personal choice (free will) and external influences (determinism/fate), echoing the principles of compatibilism.

Simply put, God can present you with a plan, and you can choose to follow that plan or not. It's your decision. If you choose to follow the plan and things don't work out then don't go around blaming God because you're the one who made the decision, you're the one who's responsible. Nevertheless, the underlying belief is that adhering to God's plan can lead to favorable outcomes.

The ending scenes of Episode 10 exemplify the convergence of everyone choices influencing the fate of Gu Won and Do Hee. Let's start with the puppet master – God. If God hadn't conveyed to Gu Won that Do Hee needed to die to regain his power, what would have happened? Gu Won and Do Hee's plan would likely have failed, leading to Gu Won's demise. However, God disclosed this crucial piece of information to set in motion a chain of events that ultimately resulted in a positive outcome. I aslo see this as one of God's tests to determine if Gu Won was ready to have the training wheels taken off haha.

Gu Won had the option not to disclose to Park Bok Gyu what God had communicated, but he opted otherwise. As a result, Gu Won's actions led to Park Bok Gyu expressing his concerns about the necessity of Do Hee's death, which Ga Yeong overheard. This, in turn, led to Ga Yeong providing poison to Do Hee, a necessary step in fulfilling God's plan for Gu Won to regain his powers.

You see, God does know everything despite her saying otherwise (in this show, God does lie haha). She knows all the possible outcomes there are and intervenes strategically to ensure things align with her desires. Thank God, she's Team Dowon haha!

Section 5.2 Team Judas

I believe Ga Yeong's decision to disclose Gu Won's secret to Seok Min will have broader consequences than she anticipated. In the preview for Ep 11, we see Seok Hoon joining forces with Seok Min, with the motive behind Seok Hoon's decision left unrevealed. I can only speculate and say that Seok Hoon perceives joining forces with Seok Min as the lesser of two evils. Thanks to Ga Yeong, Seok Hoon views Gu Won as the embodiment of evil that needs to be exposed and crucified, and the only person with the necessary "power" for such an undertaking is Seok Min. My question is, is Seok Hoon ready to sell his soul to the Devil? In all honesty, Seok Hoon is just doing this because he wants Do Hee to be with him and not Gu Won.

I guess Seok Hoon and Seok Min will devise a plan to expose Gu Won as a demon/devil. I have no clue how exactly they're supposed to do that given when someone tries to film Gu Won doing magic, the camera cuts out. The only other way I could see them able to accomplish this goal is by hiring someone to stab Gu Won in public so people can see Gu Won can instantly heal. Or if they want to do it "The Bodyguard" style, they would hire someone to shoot Do Hee, and then Gu Won would jump in front to protect her which again would expose him as a supernatural being since he would instantly heal. In either case, People would then see Gu Won as a monster. They would try to hunt him down like the Beast from Beauty and the Beast and crucify him like Jesus. Then again this plan might fail because Gu Won being a human now might not be able to instantly heal anymore.

Another theory is that Seok Hoon is teaming up with Seok Min to take him down. Maybe Seok Hoon realized after the incident at the gas station that Seok Min was behind everything. Seok Hoon will go undercover to dig up evidence of Seok Min's crimes. This could be his redemption arc maybe. Again, I still have my doubts that Seok Hoon is actually a good guy, but I could definitely be wrong!

Section 5.3 Do Gyeong

I might be in the minority, but I genuinely hope Do Gyeong survived the car crash so that he can testify against his father. While I understand Do Gyeong crashed his car into the gas station because he saw death as the only way to escape his father's abuse, it was still wrong. I also think he did this as a way to get revenge on his father. By crashing his car into the gas station, the police would start investigating his father. In turn, this could lead them to discover Seok Min as the real culprit behind everything. Additionally, I think Do Gyeong was the one who stuck a knife into Kwang Chul's chest after he was burnt like a crispy duck. Do Gyeong probably did this for the same reason as I mentioned above...to lead cops and Gu Won to his father.

Section 6: Madam Ju, Murder of Do Hee's Parents, and Seok Min

I don't know if anyone has noticed, but Madam Ju wasn't in Eps 9-10. This was odd given that in previous eps, she would always make some sort of appearance. I posed a question in my previous posts asking if Madam Ju was a figment of Do Hee's imagination or a real spirit/ghost. I've concluded Madam Ju is not just a figment of Do Hee's imagination. I think she's a real spirit/ghost.

Going back to Ep 1, Do Hee wished on her 28th (8+2=10 haha) birthday that Madam Ju would be around for a very long time to continue stabbing her in the back. God granted Do Hee's wish. God probably allowed Madam Ju to come back and talk to Do Hee as a spirit to help her heal. However, I think God restricts what Madam Ju can tell Do Hee. I feel like we'll see Madam Ju again after Do Hee discovers her dark secret.

In regards to the deaths of Do Hee's parents, I don't think Madam Ju killed them. I think it may have been an accident, but Madam Ju still blamed herself for it. Maybe what happened was that Madam Ju committed a crime out of greed like cutting costs on the production of electronic products or sabotaging a product to get insurance money and Do Hee's father found out about it. Subsequently, he went to investigate it/fix it and that's when the explosion happened.

Interestingly in Ep 10, we saw Seok Min with a tape recorder on the day Do Hee arrived at the Ju household. Could it be that Seok Min recorded his mother confessing her dirty secret and guilt for the deaths of Do Hee's parents? This might explain why Seok Min said, "So it's you, mother's way out." Maybe Seok Min was planning on using the recording to later blackmail her so he could get the chairman position.

Another theory I have is that Do Hee's father had discovered what Madam Ju was trying to cover up and then Seok Min found out about it. Seok Min then took the initiative to cover up his mother's dirty secret by getting rid of the only person who knew about it by planting a bomb in their car. Seok Min probably did all of this because he thought it would "win" his mother's love and approval and that she wouldn't see him as a devil anymore. Additionally, he thought in his own twisted way that by doing this, he was protecting his mother. Maybe Seok Min's real desire was that he just wanted Madam Ju to love him.

When Seok Min discovered Madam Ju's Chief Financial Officer had uncovered her secret and contacted Do Hee about it, Seok Min once again, turned to murder to "protect" his mother. Instead of receiving gratitude for his actions, Madam Ju scolded him for them. This was the final straw that broke the camel's back. If Seok Min couldn't have love, he would seek power, even if it meant killing Madam Ju. This act is what essentially transformed him into the real devil demon.

I just had an interesting thought. Seok Min killed the very thing he loved to obtain power, mirroring what God implied Gu Won should do with Do Hee to regain his powers (anyone getting Thanos and Soul Stone vibes haha). Perhaps this is the real difference between Seok Min and Gu Won. Gu Won wasn't willing to sacrifice the one he loved for power. Instead, he was willing to sacrifice himself to save the one he loved, which transformed him into a guardian demon. Gu Won's prioritization of Do Hee's needs over his own enabled him to obtain real power.

Section 7: Guardian Demon

Do Hee was right when she said Gu Won would be reborn as a perfect demon hahaha.....guardian demon that is! He probably follow a path similar to Lucifer Morningstar from the show "Lucifer," transforming into a figure with a psychologist-like role, assisting others in finding redemption and embracing goodness haha.

Section 7. 1 God Placed People From All Walks of Life In Gu Won's Path to Help Him Become His Best Self

Every person God strategically placed in Gu Won's path served a unique purpose, guiding him toward personal growth and offering them a chance at salvation. Take, for instance, the Wild Dogs. God orchestrated their encounter to provide Gu Won with an opportunity to rehabilitate them, transforming them into a force for good rather than evil. Similarly, the girl and her mother were placed in Gu Won's path so that he could learn guilt and compassion. Additionally, they were placed in his path so he could use his guardian demon powers to heal the girl without damning her mother to Hell!

In the case of Ga Yeong and Seok Min, I think God placed them in Gu Won's path so he can learn to forgive those who basically killed him in the past. Forgiving those whose choices once led to one's death is a challenge, but it's a necessary step in Gu Won's journey toward becoming a guardian demon.

Simultaneously, God granted Ga Yeong and Seok Min a second chance at redemption for their past actions. Witnessing Gu Won and Do Hee's genuine love for each other might be the very thing that contributes to the healing of their dark hearts, leading them to realize that deceit and manipulation should not be employed to obtain love. Quite frankly, they both need to learn to let go and move on haha.

As for Park Bok Gyu, God strategically placed him in Gu Won's life to be a positive influence, reminding Gu Won of his humanity and encouraging him to embrace his role as a guardian demon. In return, God restored Park Bok Gyu's past memories, preventing him from inadvertently signing another contract and facing a second stint in Hell. It's a fair exchange, highlighting God's generous repayment for those who serve her purpose. Random thought, is Secretary Shin like a real angel or something? Because "shin" in Korean does mean "god" haha.

Last but certainly not least, Do Hee. God placed her in Gu Won's path to assist him in confronting his inner demons, particularly the guilt he harbors for failing to protect her in their past lives. Forgiving oneself is one of the most challenging feats, and Do Hee is poised to help Gu Won realize that the tragic events of the past were not his fault. This, perhaps, stands as one of the final steps before Gu Won can fully embrace his role as a guardian demon.

God also put Do Hee on Gu Won's path so he can help Do Hee in her journey of self-forgiveness. Do Hee carried the burden of guilt for the deaths of her parents and Madam Ju, and God intended for Gu Won to be a guiding light in helping her forgive herself. Moreover, God orchestrated their meeting to help Do Hee overcome her lingering fears, including her aversion to water (in Ep 9 she didn't want to get on the ferry haha). I think her fear of water stemmed from the traumatic events of their past lives, where she and Gu Won met their demise in the ocean.

Section 7.2 No More Following The Rules in The Demon Book

In my last post, I predicted Gu Won would break one of the rules in the demon book to protect Do Hee and that's exactly what happened in Ep 10! Can you guess which rule he broke? It was the rule that stated, "You can't bring back the dead". With the training wheels off, Gu Won could now bring back the dead and that's how Do Hee was alive again and fully healed. You're probably like wait why didn't Gu Won spontaneously combust? Because he became a guardian demon!

You see, the rules in the demon book only applied to devil demons, not guardian demons. What does this mean? It means Gu Won could now do all the things the rule book said devil demons couldn't do (review my previous post for the rules). According to Kwang Chul, humans were greater than the devil or God because they could be anything. Be it the devil, god, or something much greater. In Gu Won's case, he became something much greater. He became a mutant.... a mortal human with demon powers just like I previously said.

Here comes that quote again, "With great powers come great responsibilities." God couldn't make Gu Won a guardian demon right off the bat. He had to go through a bunch of trials and tribulations beforehand so he could learn to use those powers responsibly. I mean, can you imagine if God gave Gu Won those God-like powers with no rules back when he was a spoiled lazy rich boy during Joseon? The world would be destroyed as we know it!

However, it's not over yet people! Remember Gu Won still has 1.2 years left of work in his contract with God! If he doesn't finish up that contract, he can still spontaneously combust regardless if he's a guardian demon or not! Also, Gu Won can kill now which is scary! If I were Seok Min, I would be shaking in my boots right now. Madam Ju did say Seok Min would have to pay for his sins sooner or later!

In the end, Gu Won won't be a man who couldn't have his cake and eat it too. He'll become a man who can have his cake and eat it too! He just has to learn to be a good hard-working boy like Pinocchio haha. If you work hard and live a righteous life, God rewards you with all of your heart's desires (The atheist in me wants to vomit... sorry haha).

Section 8: Who Leaked Information About Gu Won and Do Hee's Whereabouts?

Everyone is thinking it's Secretary Shin who leaked the info about Gu Won and Do Hee's location. However, I think it was Do Gyeong. Seok Min probably had Kwang Chul place a tracker on Do Hee's car and when Do Gyeong hacked Seok Min's phone, he was able to obtain the tracking data. As for Team Judas, maybe Seok Hoon had placed a tracker in Do Hee's purse or put himself as a contact in her "Find My" app!

Section 9: Symbolism

Section 9.1 The Necklaces

In my first MD post, I highlighted the presence of both a silver and a gold necklace worn by Gu Won and Do Hee, and I've now unraveled the significance behind them: Gold symbolizes the Sun and Heaven, while Silver represents the Moon and Hell. Let's delve into Gu Won's necklaces first.

As mentioned previously, the silver cross necklace was speculated to either have belonged to Do Hee or been a gift from her to Gu Won. Notably, Gu Won's gold necklace doesn't feature a cross (unlike Do Hee's necklaces, which bear lover's knots). Why is this? Simply put, Gu Won didn't embrace faith in God and wasn't a Catholic. Gu Won wearing the silver necklace with the cross serves as a testament to Do Hee's steadfast faith, which played a pivotal role in saving them from eternal damnation in Hell. At the same time, when I think of silver, I think of Judas who betrayed Jesus for 30 silver coins, werewolves, and vampires haha.

The choice of material may also offer insights into Gu Won and Do Hee's past. Gold, being an expensive material, was a luxury afforded only by the wealthy, such as noblemen. In contrast, silver, being more affordable, aligns with the humbler status of individuals like kisaengs. Silver exudes humility akin to Do Hee, while gold mirrors the extravagant and ostentatious nature of Gu Won haha.

Now, turning to Do Hee's necklaces – they symbolize the enduring connection between her and Gu Won, transcending realms of Hell and Heaven forever and to infinity! Their love acts as a powerful force, enabling them to overcome any barriers to be reunited.

Section 9.2 Flowers

Section 9.2a Devil's Trumpets

Remember Devil's Trumpets from "The Glory" haha? Its scientific name is Datura stramonium, also known as devil's snare (any Harry Potter fans here? haha). This plant belongs to the nightshade family, a group where many members are poisonous (potatoes, eggplants, tomatoes, etc are part of this family, but they're not toxic). While Devil's Trumpets can be highly toxic, they can also possess medicinal properties and have been used to treat various illnesses. Occult practitioners sometimes consume this flower for visionary experiences.

In the story of Romeo and Juliet, the poison the star-crossed lovers consumed was from a member of the nightshade family called "Belladonna." Considering this, Ga Yeong's poison to Do Hee could have been either Devil's Trumpets or Belladonna. Additionally, the Devil's Trumpet might symbolize Gu Won, suggesting that despite the toxicity of his family (the Ju family), he is a benevolent person capable of healing rather than harming. He's an eggplant haha!

Section 9.2b Poppy

What do poppies symbolize? Death, dreams, and remembrance. It's fitting given in the Ep 11 preview, Gu Won will have a dream of his past life and remember shit. Who knows maybe we will finally get to see how he died? The poppy in his ear could also be a foreshadow that he will die again verrryyyy soon haha.

Section 9.3 Snakes

Christianity seems to have a knack for twisting once-positive symbols into something negative! Before snakes became synonymous with evil, the Devil, and Satan, they were revered as good spirits in Greek and Korean mythology

In Ancient Greece, snakes were often linked to Agathodaimon, a lesser deity meaning "good/noble spirit" (this is what Gu Won is; I bet the writer will mention this term haha). Agathodaemons were household gods and protectors of those who worshipped them. Representations of Agathodaimon featured snakes with a poppy flower (similar to Gu Won's in the EP 11 preview) and an ear of grain, symbolizing prosperity and fertility respectively. This deity was also portrayed as a man holding a cornucopia, akin to Thanksgiving traditions. Ancient Greeks would honor Agathodaimon with a few drops of wine after a meal.

In Greek myths, Agathodaimon was believed to be the spouse of Tyche (probably Do Hee), the goddess of fate and fortune (also known as Lady Fortuna or Lady Luck). In Egypt, Agathodaimon was associated with Osiris, the Lord of the Underworld, and Shai, the god of fate. Basically, you would want Agathodaimon because he would bring you good luck, wealth, and protection.

In Korean mythology, snakes were also viewed as creatures of good luck. For example, in Korean myths, the Imoogi was one big fat snake that brought good luck and fertility to crops. However, it was believed if you ever prevented an Imoogi from ascending to the Heavens, bad shit would happen like plagues, typhoons, infertile land, and famine. The overall message is don't kill snakes because bad shit will happen. I'm suddenly getting a bad feeling Gu Won is going to get killed and a natural disaster will occur haha. For those wanting to learn more about Imoogis, you can click on the link below or Google it.

So y'all are probably wondering why the hell i'm telling you all of this? It's because in Ep 10, Gu Won rolled what is known as "snake eyes". The reason this roll is called "snake eyes" is because the 1's resemble the two pips to the eyes of a snake. In craps, this roll can either mean you're really lucky or unlucky, representing an odd phenomenon. For example, when you roll snake eyes on the initial roll, you have to roll it again on the next roll to win the round. However, the probability of rolling "snake eyes" is very low (2.78%).

Another thing to mention is how 2 odd numbers can equal an even number where 1+1=2. You could also view Gu Won's roll as a good omen because it's 1...1....11 which is considered a lucky number! Our little lovers are snakes who are bringers of luck and fertility haha.

FYI, one of God's rolls was a "push" or "standoff" roll which are two 6's. Like snake eyes, this roll has the same low probability of 2.78%. The funny thing about Gu Won's roll and God's roll is that Gu Won's roll is the lowest value you can get which is 2 and God's roll is the highest value you can get which is 12.

Section 10: OTHER RANDOM THOUGHTS

I have none. I'm brain-dead from researching, thinking of stuff, and editing this monster of a post. K byeeee

#my demon #there are probably grammatical mistakes #song kang #kim yoojung #do dohee #jeong gu won #gu won #devil #ga Yeong #do hee #why did i write so much #my brain hurts now #kim you jung #long post #long reads #i hate plagiarists #daemon #seok hoon #the writer of this show is so religious hahaha

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rainbowsky · 1 year

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Welcome New Turtle Friends 👋🏻💛.

There have been a lot of turtles coming here from Twitter and other platforms, and since most of you will not really be familiar with me or my blog I thought I would give you some information that might be helpful and serve as a bit of an introduction.

I have been a turtle for a few years now. You can read a little bit about my turtle journey here.

I am autistic, so some of the ways I communicate might not be what you're used to. Please be patient with me. I'm human and doing my best to connect with everyone in a positive way.

I believe BJYXSZD, and like most turtles I enjoy some mixture of candy, fan works, and GG and DD's projects and endorsements. I'm also particularly interested in the political and 'queer issues' side of things, which some people are not comfortable with.

I tag absolutely everything that I post, to make it easy for people to filter out things they do not want to see. Here are a few tags that might be of interest to those who want to avoid certain topics:

'your political disengagement is a weapon against you' - political topics

'let's talk about sex' - mature sexual topics

'off topic' - posts that have nothing to do with GG and DD or with queer issues (the main topics of my blog)

'fandom reflections' - fandom issues and self-examination

'antis go home' - haters and antis

'solos belong to moling su sect' - solo topics

'i'll take homophobia for 800 alex!' - posts about homophobia

Please let me know if there is any particular kind of content that you would like to see more specific filtering around. I'm always happy to add in a new tag if it will enhance someone's experience of Tumblr and of my blog.

There are some posts that might be of particular interest:

My masterlist post - links to some of my past posts, somewhat organized around various categories

GGDD fic recs

Wangxian fic recs

Fandom survival guide

There are also tags that might be of particular interest. That list can be found toward the bottom of my masterlist post. Note: most of my posts are not tagged with typical fandom tags (bjyx, yizhan, etc.). That's just to ensure that those tags aren't overrun by topics that aren't of general interest to all fans.

Please feel free to connect with me via comments/reblogs on my posts, via private message, or through my ask box if you have a question or if you prefer to remain anonymous.

New people can bring new challenges and change. Such things can sometimes require adjustment and adaptation, so I hope that people will be patient with me and speak openly (gently) with me if there's anything they have concerns or questions about.

Throughout this time, I hope we can get along and support each other. Let's try to be kind. We are all living in very difficult times, and many of us are at vulnerable and/or emotional places in our lives. Conflict, hate, and personal attacks are something nobody needs. Please yell into your pillow, throw some plastic bottles against a wall, or go for a jog rather than ever raise a hateful or angry word toward anyone, including me.

I hope that we can be friends, but if for some reason there is an incompatibility between us or you find me or my blog not to your taste, please feel free to unfollow me or even block me. We all must curate our own fandom experience.

I'm looking forward to getting to know some new people and hopefully see some new life injected into the fandom here! Thanks for your interest in my blog. 😊

#personal #thanks so much

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blue-hi · 3 months

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I should be using my hooky day to work on homework but there's a Situation in the group chat that is making me feel somehow lucky I had an evening class to attend, and I want to address it here because 1) this place acts like a diary for when I can't say something out loud and 2) I see what I consider to be the root of this particular problem in rhetoric all around this site (and places of similar persuasion, you'll see what I mean) and if possible, I want to help as best I can.

Under a read-more because unfortunately this is long. But if you have any interest in persuading people of your positions, especially political ones and especially this year, please consider what I have to say at least.

Tl;dr— Arguments require evidence, no matter how righteous you consider the cause to be; changing minds takes time and effort but that time and effort will be well-spent; your audience questioning your claim does not necessarily mean they are hostile to it, just that they want clarification.

First, the Situation, as quick as possible, as I understand it: a new individual joined some meetings of one of my friend groups last semester. We have meals which are open to all students, so this person is welcome to join us and we are happy to have them. Last night, after I left for class, they made a request to the group to help them fundraise to help someone they know pay rent. Which is totally understandable, but things have gone off the rails—

This person, so far, is not known for making requests. They're more like. Assumptions and demands. The message in the chat that they sent was definitely a demand, and it was definitely hostile, because of the response to the initial request, which I'll get back to shortly. I haven't been able to speak with them, only my other friends who were there, but I cannot honestly say that I believe the original topic was brought up with. Um. Tact.

The person they are fundraising for lives in another city entirely (another state even) and they have never met in person before. Not necessarily a red flag—I have plenty of friends I only know/have met online, and so overall I'm pro-being-friends-with-people-online (Hello! If you're reading this, you know who you are :) I love you)—but it can be. I don't know anything about my acquaintance's relationship with this person besides "they met online." How long have they known each other? Where did they meet? Do they know this person is who they say they are? A lot of my online friends, we've known each other for over ten years, and over multiple platforms. If they were catfishing me, it would be a hell of an accomplishment.

My acquaintance has been sending a lot of money to this person, reportedly. Like, enough that they came to us for meals because they don't have enough to eat themself.

So a potentially shady scenario (I'm equivocating because I'm trying to hang onto good-faith interpretations of things with all the strength I can muster but. It's definitely shady, let's not kid ourselves) presented with righteous gusto, to people who had not heard of this situation moments before.

Needless to say, this didn't go over well, and my friends weren't immediately on this train. This caused our acquaintance to leave in frustration, and they later put in the group chat a link to the fundraising page and the demand that they "expect each of us to donate and them prove to them that we donated."

This is continuing into this morning. My friends are doing their best to ignore it. Which I think is not how this gets resolved. I don't know how this gets resolved, but I don't think it will be pretty.

So. That's the Situation. What does this mean for the rest of us?

It turns out that I'm studying how to make arguments and effectively deal with people. Right now, in fact! I was doing a reading for one of my classes that dealt with how to structure effective arguments literally yesterday morning, before shit hit the fan. Let's go through how to do that.

How to Structure Arguments: Rhetoric 101

"Rhetoric" is a whole field in itself, but simply (admittedly, perhaps reductively), it is the art of persuasion. You have something you want to say, and you want the person you are speaking with to accept your position.

Quick definition, off the bat: argument is a neutral term here. People use it in English to talk about verbal fights (my other language is German, this would be streiten), but here, it will merely refer to an attempt at persuasion. If I want to refer to people yelling at each other, I'll use Streit or fight.

Your position, or your thesis, is a claim. It is the central idea around which your argument spins, and without it, there is no reason for you to me making an argument. My acquaintance's claim is that we should help them fundraise for their friend.

The reason you make a claim is called, fittingly, the reason. It is the basis for the claim, and the claim flows from it. My acquaintance's reason is that their friend is having financial troubles.

In addition, there is an unspoken warrant. A warrant is a general principle that binds the reason and the claim; it justifies (or warrants) the claim flowing from the reason. My acquaintance's warrant is that good people help others in trouble.

All of this is well an good. The problem is that this is where my acquaintance ended, and then made their ask (I...may be using that word liberally but technically that's the term). The further problem is, that's not a full argument.

What's missing? Evidence.

We still have many questions. I have a few of them above. Who is this person? What is their relationship to you? How did you meet? How long have you known each other? Do you have proof that they are who they say they are? What is their general history? Etc. etc. etc.

This is not to determine whether or not this person is deserving of help (maybe it is for others, but to me, that question is irrelevant). It's to learn more, to make an informed decision. Especially with something like financial resources. A rhetor has to be aware of their audience's hesitances, goals, resources, etc. Asking college students for money is always a hard sell, no matter what cause or what amount you're asking for. Maybe it's not "right," but it just is, and ignoring that will only kill your argument.

My point here is that people asking questions of a premise does not automatically mean they are disagreeing. It means they want to make informed decisions as to whether they agree or not, and they do not want to feel strong-armed into making that decision. In the end, it is your audience's decision as to whether they are convinced of your argument. All you can do is make it as best you can.

And to do that, you have to actually finish the damn thing.

I see this a lot in political discussions here. Person X has strongly held convictions, and they want to convince the more moderate Person Y to agree. Convictions like, "You should sign this petition to switch the city to renewable energy (claim), since our current energy sources pollute the air and water (reason)." This is a sympathetic cause for me, and I imagine you too. But Person Y is in their rights to ask for more clarification, even if they do agree. Maybe Person Y will ask questions like,

What kinds of renewable energy?

How long will implementing your vision take?

Will it create or destroy jobs?

Is the technology feasible?

How polluted are our air and water?

Etc.

Far too often, I see Person X get frustrated at this point. It's self-evident! Why are you pushing back at me! The environment will only get worse, we don't have time to sit around answering these questions! So they lash out, and Person Y walks away, deciding they hated that interaction and that they aren't going to do what Person X told them to do. Meanwhile the environment is still polluted.

I see this all over. It's an election year in the US. You're gonna see it a lot too. Why don't we make a game of it, see how many posts like this we can come across before November. We'll see if I haven't had a stroke by then.

My main critique of leftists is that we have no patience, not even to make an argument. Yes, many important things are pressing! Yes, people will get hurt unless they get fixed now! Yes, these are true!

But change doesn't happen overnight, not even in the most ideal of revolutions (my god, don't even get me started, that's another discussion entirely). Things take time, especially when trying to influence politics or attitudes of whole societies. It took 40 years for conservatives to overturn Roe. It may take 40 more years to put it back. That doesn't mean that all the time in the middle is misspent. Have you ever seen a stonecutter? It happens all at once, but what made it possible was the 100 whacks you didn't see.

Take the extra time and finish the argument. Don't assume people already agree, or that if they do, they'll follow you without question. Remember that questions and clarifications aren't inherently hostile. It is your audience's right to make their own decisions, so it is your duty to make your argument as effective as possible. Rhetoric is a finesse tool, not a hammer. If you try to bludgeon someone with it, it will break.

Post-script

I'm worried about my acquaintance. I don't want them to feel unwelcome with us, and I want them to take care of their own well-being. I'm a Franciscan, I get the impulse. Absolutely I do. But remember that it is not a sin to care for yourself as well.

The reading that inspired this impromptu essay is from The Craft of Argument by Joseph M. Williams and Gregory C. Columb, particularly Chapter 2, "Argument as Civil Conversation."

I didn't talk about tone here but I want to do a brief discussion of it. I'm aware this is possibly too-close to "tone-policing" and I do want to avoid that. But another fact of life as it is, is that people don't like being demanded to do things. How you say something is just as important as what you say (the medium is the message). It doesn't affect the quality of my claims—I can still be right even if I'm an absolute asshole, or I can be calm and civil and just plain wrong—but it does affect how those claims will be received. When I saw the demand in the group chat, my immediate reaction was, "Fuck that, why should I?" Even if I would donate, and therefore accept the claim, I still wouldn't follow through on that demand. Because I'm a petty and spiteful bitch and I don't like being talked to like that. But I can understand the difference between the claim and the demand; my other friends may not, and that hostile demand puts the entire argument at risk. Keep this in mind as well.

#what the fuck do i tag this as #psa #essay #rhetoric #i don't know. i don't do these sorts of things #i'm just stressed and tired #if you're inclined you're welcome to argue (NOT fight or streit) in the notes.#do i have the audacity/naivety to trust tumblr with a socratic seminar. hmm.

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smallfry372659 · 1 year

Text

it be time!

RULEZ

1. Don't be weird to me. I am lil.

(Smallfry is portrayed as a minor, so explicit adult content, weird asks, gore and violent submissions, and/or threats of harm to me specifically will have anonymous shut off, then submissions, then onto blocking, then further offense beyond that will shut down the ask box temporarily. Please keep in mind your actions have consequences.)

(Major offenses include: gore, threats of doxxing or violence to me specifically, bigotry, consent violations, SHARING YOUR LOCATION WITH ME EXPLICITLY, and ignoring of the rules.)

2. I can't get to everyone sometimes :<

(Sometimes asks will be eaten by the server. If you didn't see your ask answered, it's likely it was lost in the code. Otherwise I deleted it because it was weird. See rule 1 about that.)

3. If ur worried about something or wanna tell me somethin, messages open!

(My PMs are open for people who'd like to ask me on how to interact with this blog or want to ask me to avoid certain topics when interacting with them. If you have questions or concerns, that's the place to go. Abuse of this function will have it removed.)

4. Sometimes I make art! But don't expect it

(Sometimes I'll make a silly doodle in response to an ask! I'm not really an artist though, so they're not crazy good. Please don't ask for free art, or send an ask hoping to get art.)

5. We have fun or we have nothing

(If you get blocked, it WILL be your own fault. I'm a fair person and I won't block for some minor offenses, but first-time major offenses are not privy to that. I am protecting my peace.)

6. We can play pretend :>

(ROLEPLAY is fully acceptable and I'm happy to interact with role-playing blogs, including OCs. Keep in mind that I have my own lore for this blog, though, and I will often default to it. If you'd like me to see YOUR blog lore so we can better communicate and have fun, see rule 3!)

7. If this gets weird I'm gonna leave!

(Rules will be updated as needed, check back for changes and updates)

(Finally, this blog is for fun! It's done out of passion and love, and if it's sullied I'm gonna shut the blog down. I HOPE everyone has enough common sense to know how to act.)

8. Dis place is safe!

(I don't reblog triggering topic material! Politics, irl issues, and things such as self harm will NOT be posted here because it triggers others most of the time. Anything such as flashing and cursing will be tagged almost every single time it appears.)

(If something needs a better tag, let me know!)

#Rule of Smallfry #smallfry posting #(seriously dont make this not fun for me)

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not-close-to-straight · 2 years

Note

Hey I hope it's not too late to share some thoughts on the latest Risk chapter...? I absolutely adore everything about it and the story as a whole (though I have this sinking feeling that we can't just have soft boys being soft and that there is some plot creeping up on us as we read) but what I love most is Alpha!Billy. I mean ofc Omega!Steve (especially in his Rudolph jammies) speaks to me on a spiritual level but Billy..? Sweet and protective and just tiny bit asshole-y and just about perfect? I want to cradle him in the palms of my hands and just never let him go. (I told you once that the way you write Alphas has absolutely ruined me. I refuse to fall in love unless it's with and Alpha written by you.)

Also, I'm very pro-murder when it comes to Neil Hargrove but also I'm kind of... not??? Because yeah killing him would be satisfying and it would remove him from the boys' lives forever but also it'd be too easy for him. So don't kill him. Instead strip him of control. Make him small. Make him watch as everyone he used to control lives on, happy and fulfilled, without him. Make him forgotten. I know it might not be a universal experience but having personally seen both sides of the [emotional] abuser-abusee relationship (and isn't that an awful confession) there is nothing worse than being ignored by those you used to control.

Whew that got long! Anyway, thank you for this chapter, it has given me *a lot* of thoughts. Oh and also! I've seen you apologising (here on tumblr or on ao3, i cant remember exactly) for writing long chapters (sic!). Honey, we looove long chapters. We survive only thanks to them. They are beacons of soft light in this cruel cold world. My time is no longer measured by weeks or days but by mail notifications that NCTS updated a fic.

Have a nice day! (Night? Depends on when you'll read this but anyway I wish you all the best!)

(I'm sorta new to the whole tumblr thing, how do "asks" work?? Is it polite to write so much crap to someone?? Someone pls help me

Also im sorry if i made any mistake/typos. English is not my first language so I'll appreciate any tips on how to use it as a native speaker would!)

Hi!

So first of all, FIRST of all, it is literally never too late to share your thoughts on anything I've ever written. I don't care if its a fic from five years ago or from last week, by all means PLEASE share your thoughts I am 100% motivated by comments and interaction with my readers so I'm always happy to hear from you guys!

Also? No comment is too long. I have one reader that literally screen shots parts of the story she likes then texts me exactly why she likes it in excruciating detail. Sometimes there's 30+ text messages on a single chapter. So trust me. No comment is too long. I love all of them. My readers are the only people I get to talk fandom things with so bring it on!

RE: The softness of Risk. I can actually promise that there... isn't? any plot or sadness to this story. Other than the already in verse issue of Neil and the aftermath of one of those scenes that is hard to read (but ends in the softy softness so its okay) there isn't much going on in this story besides BillySteve falling head over heels in love with each other!

I love LOVE Alpha!Billy. There are some characters that completely fulfill the 'Alpha Checklist' without needing to change in the slightest and Billy is one of those characters. Wade Wilson/Deadpool is another one of those characters. Literally all I did was add fangs to Billy and PRESTO he's the worlds most in character Alpha ever.

And you're right, Omega!Steve is all things actually wonderful but there is something very very good about Alpha!Billy and specifically Alpha!Billy alongside Omega!Steve. The way that biological and secondary gender influences their moments is *chefs kiss*.

There is definitely a Fuck You Neil moment in this fic. Yeah I'm still leaning towards straight up murdering him but for several reasons I'm pretty sure I'm going to stick to the original plan for it to be less murdery and more of a metaphorical and probably literal middle finger to him cos you're RIGHT sometimes its so much better just to make that person irrelevant and small and ignored.

The next chapter will probably (hopefully?) not be as long as the last few but it's ultra ultra soft so if it gets long, so be it.

Thanks for the comment!

Cheers!

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sapphos-darlings · 2 years

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I used to identify as a butch lesbian, but I stopped due to dysphoria. I no longer can ever see myself identify as a woman and seeing the word is enough to make me cringe. I'm a lot happier saying I'm a straight trans man because I know there isn't any room in womanhood for people like me and that a lot of it is empty promises. I'll never be good enough for any woman and I'll always be lesser than cis men.

My darling Anon. I'm sorry to hear that you feel like you're in such a tight spot. I hope there will be happier times ahead of you soon!

I'm wondering though why you sent us this message. Of course, we are always happy hear from anyone in the WLW community, and we treasure all experiences! But I hope I can say something meaningful and useful to you.

I hope you don't mind me saying, but you sound depressed. You speak of things that stem from self-hate and feeling attacked and marginilized - and let me tell you, I hear you! We are living through hard times, politically and economically. One main reason this very blog exists is because I as a lesbian have felt silenced, erased and harassed, and Sade as a febfem likewise, so we wanted to carve out this space for us and women like us. We didn't want to be silent and invisible, so this is how we speak up, and hopefully make women like us visible too!

I'm telling you, as a lesbian and a woman with a mental health history, that you are in control of yourself, and your problems can be tended to, your pain can be eased, and you can get better. We can't fix the world, but we do have affect on our own surroundings, our lives, our relationships, and ultimately ourselves.

Now, if you are genuinely happy and content with transition, that's up to you. Many people are. Please note, we are not medical professionals, and all serious medical decisions must be made together with your doctor!! We are not qualified to advice you on treatment or cover the risks of any medical procedures!!

I have friends who have gone down that path, with varying results. But through them I also know that the process is long, hard, mentally taxing, and that you must check your expectations. My oldest friend, with no mental health problems prior or after, had to go through six months of evaluations with a psychologist before any treatments. Even though he didn't think he needed that, he said afterwards that it was really helpful just in general.

One thing was, you have to realize that transition isn't going to change you. It won't fix you, it won't magically change your life, and it won't give you your 'dream body'. You are still going to be you, with this personality, these feelings, and living this life. Your body will look different, yes, but it's still you, and your problems are still going to be there.

So take care of yourself and your mental health, Anon! There absolutely is room for all kinds of women. Even the butchest butch is still a woman like any other, just in her own way. Being a woman isn't wearing dresses or being meek and pretty or whatever else patriarchy is demanding of us today. We're all born naked, not with pink bows. There's also so much love, so many wonderful women in this world, and so much beauty. You haven't met all the people who will love you.

You are not doomed. You are not lesser than, not as you were, as you are now, or as you will be. No matter what.

You deserve someone to talk to. I'd recommend you seek out a mental health professional to help you cope with the stress, the pain you see in the world, and your feelings of isolation, depression and dysphoria alike. Talking about it might reveal stuff you never thought about, and it could bring order to your feelings and relieve that burden. From experience, just talking about your feelings can bring immense relief, and you'll get to focus on yourself and learning about you. There's more there than you might even imagine!

Other mental health hacks that can make you feel better and improve your quality of life in surprisingly efficient ways include:

Get enough sleep. Go to bed by midnight and get eight hours of sleep.

Eat regularly and well. Two hot meals in a day should be standard. (Tip: if you struggle with little energy, cook large portions at once. A big stir-fry or a casserole can feed you for several days, and you can always freeze some so it won't go bad.)

Limit social media time. Stop doomscrolling and stop feeding your anxieties. Let your brain rest, so for example don't start and end your day by bombarding it with a limitless social media feed. Disengage from discourse and anything that is making you frustrated, angry or depressed. Conciously dig yourself up from rabbit holes.

Go outside every day. It's a proven fact that spending time in nature eases anxiety and prolonged stress.

Exercise! This is especially for body issues. Start a new routine or start going for runs. You could also use the company of other female people, so look up local sports teams or hobby groups. Get those endorphines!

Spend time with your friends. You don't need to talk about things you don't want to, but just being in the company of others can be helpful. Connecting with people you care about, having fun, laughing; all this can lift your mood and get you out of your head.

I know these seem very obvious, but really they do work. You'll be amazed how many things are linked, how just rest, food and human connection can help you right now.

Don't give up, Anon! Be a friend to yourself. All the best on your journey!

-Lavender

#reply #mental health advice #self acceptance #dysphoria cw #body dysmorphia cw

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wooahaes · 2 years

Note

I really like your Wonwoo stories so I’m REALLY looking forward to lonely hearts club! You write Wonwoo so well, especially the soft sweet side of things which is hard to come by as a soft fan myself. Can I make a request though? Since you noted that this is a chubby fem! reader, and also mentioned about people writing POC readers, would you consider noting if the reader insert will also likely be fairer complected? Its always a bit of a bummer just how often a reader insert mentions the reader blushing, but didn’t make mention of the reader being fair skinned… kinda sucks for us POCs who don’t blush visibly— not to say you can’t have a reader blushing, it would just be helpful if that was mentioned somewhere in the info on the fic you know?

hiya lovely! thank you for the ask and i'm glad you're looking forward to lonely hearts club <3

typically when i write, i try to exclude any indication of reader's body in general unless i tag it (like with chubby reader fics). usually this means reader not blushing and instead doing something like fidgeting when embarrassed or their face getting hot (which as far as i know doesn't imply a change in color--just that you're embarrassed enough to feel it if that makes sense?) or just in general feeling flustered.

if any of those imply skin tone, my bad! feel free to let me know since i'm still very much a white girl who can mess up from time to time. if i ever write something and don't put an indicator of reader being fair skinned, absolutely just send me a quick ask/message and let me know and i'll most likely fix the wording instead of putting in a disclaimer since i like for my fics to be as inclusive as they can!

ty for the polite ask btw <3 i'm happy to do whatever i can to make my fics accessible for as many people as they can or at least tagging them appropriately! it's definitely not the same as imagining yourself as another race, but i know i like... always get super taken out of a fic when reader is just easily carried by whoever since there is no way some of these men are picking me up, or at least picking me up easily (unless they've got superpowers lmao then ur 100% good)

#wooahaes.ask #asks.anon #inclusivity is something really important to me typically in body type but i'll always try my best to make sure my fics are like #open for pretty much anyone to read unless stated otherwise! <3 #like... ik its absolutely not the same thing but i hate feeling excluded based on my body. i dont wanna make anyone else feel like that #words like 'your thin stomach' and whatnot tend to fuck with me if i'm already doing bad mentally so i just try to eliminate anything #that can potentially identify a reader as a certain way unless im purposefully writing something like a chubby/fem/short/etc reader #literally 'tiger stripes' was the aftermath of me reading a fic that went 'your flat stomach' and getting both upset and kinda pissed bc #there was literally no warning for it at all #anyway i'll stop rambling and just say: i'll always try to put a disclaimer if reader is meant to be a certain way #whether thats race or gender or body type. if i accidentally dont say something feel free to correct me

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stickysad · 24 days

Text

It’s April 8th, you would have turned twenty nine. I started a new job and I find myself talking about you. I haven't figured out how to navigate saying the words "she died" to strangers, so at the office building on Drummond Road you're still alive. I choose this weird lie over the inevitable feeling that I've said too much once it’s spoken aloud, like I've imposed a reminder that humanity can be bleak under the lunch room’s shitty fluorescent lighting. People don't like confronting life's devastations while wearing business casual. I know the societal rules of polite conversation enough to keep topics low stakes, like how expensive yogurt is these days or the morning traffic on the boulevard. Somehow, the I.T. guy’s shockingly bad political takes are fair play, but we steer clear of death and how it changes us. Despite knowing the etiquette of unfeeling small talk I can’t stop myself from bringing you up so…you're alive and well in this unsuspecting corner of Northeast Philly. America's purgatory of strip malls and industrial complexes if you’re unfamiliar. Look, it was the best I could do. Handle your own resurrection next time, kid. I'm moving soon and it will be yet another apartment you haven't stepped foot in. I’m running out of where to feel you, of people who knew you. The only place left is the house on Allentown and god knows you wouldn't go back there in the flesh let alone in spirit. God knows I don't. I still go into the restaurant to try to catch even a glimmer of you, but the employees have changed and the chairs are different and I heard they painted over our scribbles on the walls in the back. Instead, I stick to my cliches and pretend you're nature and lightning and every tchotchke of a carousel at the thrift store. I visit you through every phase of the moon. I stare up at the sky, slow blinks like I give to the cat, praying you get the message. Or I’ll whisper to you alone in my room and trick myself into believing any sensation in my body must be confirmation you can hear me. As if you respond as a tickle in my fingertips. I'm starting to grasp that missing you is endless, but in that way so is loving you. I'll forever love you, talk about you, think of you. Every day that I miss you makes you infinite. I’ll keep writing about you; heartbroken in run-on sentences. I won’t stop counting the carousels. I’ll take small comfort in that, that through me you still are. I guess that's all I can do, unless you change your mind on the resurrection thing - let me know.

Happy Birthday, little sister.

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servin-up-surveys · 1 year

Text

survey #130

Is there a person you talk to everyday? Mom and Girt without fail. I'd say most days some messages go between me, Mazzy, and Tez.

Does one of your parents ever complain to you about the other parent? My mother will take any opportunity to talk shit about my dad, yes, meanwhile Dad NEVER has while I've been with him. As a matter of fact, all my dad ever has to say about her around us kids is that she did a damn good job raising us/is a wonderful mother. I honestly would not be surprised if Mom, meanwhile, would prefer him dead with how she handles the topic of him. I know I don't know everything about why they split, but how she is about Dad nearly a whole decade after they split is kinda ridiculous. It's uncomfortable showing in any way that we care about him in her presence because she VERY obviously hates it.

If you have a webcam, do you take more pictures or make more videos with it? I've never used this webcam and historically have also avoided using them at all costs. I only ever really have for virtual appointments.

Who was the last person you wished a “Happy Birthday” to? Actually Kelsee today; she's the daughter of my favorite teacher. Basically an impossibly sweet human being.

Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? No.

Does your best friend have a job? Yeah, he's worked at the same place for very nearly a decade.

Do you ever visit people at work? Thus far I've brought lunch to Girt at work once, and I plan to keep doing that occasionally forever. I just don't do it a lot now because his work is rather far and Mom has a super shitty car that doesn't need to drive that far, but also I don't have my own income and am not having Mom pay for it. The one time I did do it was with gifted money.

When you move out your house (or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents' house? I fully intend to invite Mom over for dinner like once a week, and I'd absolutely come back here if she wanted me to for something. It breaks my mom's fucking heart how Ashley and Nicole are, generally acting like she's no longer important, and I'll fucking die before I let her feel like I've left her behind, too. I'd still visit Dad too, probably occasionally invite him over. It's a hard situation to imagine just because I already very rarely see him.

What is one thing you hope never changes about you? How much I care about people.

Who was the last person you were mad at? Me.

Why did you break your last promise? Honestly, I feel like the only real promise I HAVE broken (that I remember, I'm sure it's happened more than just once, realistically) is the one I made with Sara, to keep her straight-up diabolical political stance a secret. I broke it because I don't protect the feelings of Nazis/very literal Hitler fangirls. I never should have kept it secret in the first place.

Has anyone ever told you that you were really pretty? Yeah, somehow.

Do you listen to a wide variety of music? Not really, but I've been more open to pop music in recent times... granted, they're primarily songs I grew up with lmao, but still.

What holiday are you looking forward to next? So I'm not very big on the 4th of July just because I'm not this country's biggest fan, but it's more appealing knowing I'll probably spend it with Girt's family, like last year.

Did you ever go through a phase when you didn’t want to take medicine? My problems have always been just being upset over how many medications I've been prescribed during certain periods. There have been many occasions in the past where I've gotten verbally pissed off and even cried over just how many medications I was waking up to and having to take before bed. 100% convinced my memory and focus problems hold DEEP roots in just being so grossly overmedicated by the time I was just a young teenager, and it remained that way for a very, very long time. Thankfully, I'm more at peace with the number I take now; I'm not happy about it, but it's absolutely nothing like it used to be.

Do you love popsicles? They're fine.

Do you like your smile? No, entirely convinced I look high as shit and I know I have a lazy eye when I do smile.

Was the last book you read good? Yup, it was. Jesus, I need to start reading more again... I've been on the same book for SO fucking long.

Does sunlight make you feel happier? Yes, it absolutely does. This was something I learned around the time I started recovering from the breakup and my worst level of depression: I used to be the person who kept the shades closed, lights off always, and just live in the dark. Then I started keeping my shades open and just in general stay in decently-lit rooms, and it made a pretty profound impact on my happiness, eventually. It's why I'm not even big on rainy days anymore; they used to be my favorite, but nowadays I will absolutely feel a difference if it's gloomy outside.

What helps you fall asleep? Fucking nothing. I finally almost cried last night over just how atrocious my ability to fall asleep has been lately; I'm regularly not falling asleep until early morning hours. I just lay in bed for hours on end tossing and turning and being completely fucking miserable. Thankfully I'm starting a new medication tonight that is meant to help me fall asleep... I just hope it works, because historically, meds meant to assist in good sleep have had zero effect on me. I'm one of those people that isn't even knocked out by Benadryl, and you always hear about how that'll knock you flat on your ass.

Do you have stomach problems? Yes.

Do you enjoy editing photos? Yeah, that's basically mandatory to be a notably successful photographer lol, as much as many people don't like to admit.

What was the last photo filter you used? I think it was this one called "Honey" that's on my phone for a picture I took of Girt's sister's dog Onyx.

Do you live a simple life? I'm sure it looks like it on the very surface to people who don't know me well whatsoever, but you realize pretty fucking quickly it's astronomically far from "simple."

What was the last song you listened to on repeat? "Rein raus" by Rammstein.

What are three of your favorite toppings for a pizza? Pepperoni, sausage, and jalapeno are all good.

What are three of your favorite ingredients for a salad? Besides the lettuce, I'm assuming? Cucumbers, bacon bits, and uh... that's it lmao I am MEGA basic with salad. WELL I will say I do absolutely love the jalapenos that are in Olive Garden's salads, like that's my favorite part of the whole thing haha, but idk if I'd enjoy them in every salad.

Do you express yourself better out loud or in writing? Oh there is ZERO competition here, my ability to express myself in writing is indisputably WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better than my capability to do so verbally. I can barely make a normal sentence when speaking.

Do you sing in the shower? No.

What are three random things you are good at? Writing, taking pictures I'd hope, and understanding animal body language, generally.

What is one thing you’ve been waiting patiently for for quite some time? Finding a job, I guess. Though I've been less patient about it lately. I've been doing daily (and I do mean daily) checks online for around three months now for various job titles I feel I could realistically do, and I'm just not getting lucky at all.

What are three of the most painful things you have ever stepped on? Uh idk, honestly.

If you could choose three US states to visit, which three states would you pick? Alaska, Arizona, and one of the states Yellowstone is part of; I'd have to research more about each state.

What color is your camera case (if you have one)? It's black.

What are three things you like that start with the same letter as your middle name? MEERKATS (are you even remotely surprised), music, and mountains.

Which do you use more: Facebook or Instagram? Facebook.

When was the last time you swam in a pool? Today actually; I did hydrotherapy today at PT because there were no land slots for this week when we were scheduling. Well, I guess I didn't really swim because I couldn't get my tattoo wet (it's a saltwater pool), like both my feet never completely left the bottom, but still.

Who or what do you worship? Nothing; I'm not even really a "hail thyself" person just because I think it puts too much divine worth on just us insignificant humans. We're nothing special in the grand scheme of the universe and I think that mentality feeds the ego too much.

Do you know a Ted? Yeah, that's the name of one of my childhood friend's dad.

Have you ever swam in one of the Great Lakes? No.

What is one thing you wish were more easily accessible? ADEQUATE FUCKING HEALTHCARE.

Have you ever chopped something with an axe? No.

What is one mistake you’ve made that you hope to never repeat? Hand my entire identity and worth over to another person.

What was the last thing that kept you awake? My brain doesn't know how to shut the fuck up whenever I try to sleep; that's the primary problem, and it's been that way since I was a literal child. My brain is just always, ALWAYS going, even when I try to tell myself to just concentrate on sleeping. Then there's also the fact my tattoo is starting to scab, and just because of the location, I can really feel the scabbing pull when I roll around in bed, and that obviously hurts.

If you have pets, do they sleep in your bedroom at night? Roman generally does, and sometimes Cookie decides to sleep in my bed instead of Mom's. Venus' terrarium is also in my bedroom.

Can you sleep with background noise or does it keep you up? Only if it's something on the quieter side and monotonous, like a fan. I definitely struggle with like, a TV being on.

Who was the last person to cook you a meal? What did they make? Mom made popcorn shrimp and white rice tonight.

Who was the last person you cooked a meal for? What did you make? I made eggs once when Sara was here.

Who is your female celeb crush? (If applicable) Y'ALL I fucking hate wrestling and find the acting cringy as shit, including whom's I'm about to mention (I know because my niece and nephew like watching????), but Rhea Ripley could RUIN ME and I would thank her

Who is your male celeb crush? (If applicable) I don't think I'll ever be able to explain my level of attraction towards Richard Kruspe even though he could literally be my dad h e l p

Do you have a favorite Marvel character? Probably Deadpool.

Favorite DC character? Harley Quinn.

Who has been your favorite actor to play Batman (live-action)? No opinion, I haven't even seen them all.

Who has been your favorite live-action Joker? Heath Ledger was MADE for the role imo, even if it did cause him a lot of harm. I probably also just have a bias because Heath Ledger's Joker was Jason's favorite thing on the face of the planet.

Has a horror film ever actually scared you? Which one(s)? [TW: RAPE MENTION] There's only been one that has, and that's only because it fed off my pregnancy phobia: The Rite. Doubt it's spoiler material with just being a big part of the plot and it's an old movie now, but a woman is raped by either a demon or just straight-up the devil and it's EXTREMELY fucking gross, like I could not handle it. I still wouldn't watch it to this day, I'm pretty sure I didn't even finish watching it when Nicole had it on. Like obviously I don't believe in supernatural impregnation but I still couldn't handle it.

What was the last horror movie you saw? Well Girt and I startedThe Black Phone but didn't finish it, I've told this story enough.

What was the first horror movie you remember seeing? What did you think of it? Hmmmm... it might have been the OG Paranormal Activity movie. At least, that's the first I remember. I liked it; I tend to like "paranormal evidence" horror films, the ones that seem like they actually happened and can't be explained. I find those much easier to put yourself into/imagine them happening to you.

Name a few historical figures you find interesting. Why? I don't care enough about history for this lmao.

What is your favorite historical film and why? The Boy in the Striped Pajamas because it tears my fucking heart ENTIRELY open every time I see it. I'm crying without fail.

Do you usually enjoy historical films? Not usually, or at least they're not the sort of movies that I seek out.

Name a sequel film (any franchise) you like better than the first film. Why is that? Shrek 2 lmao, the first movie is absolutely legendary and I love it but the second is just more fun to me.

Which do you find most interesting: Greek, Roman, or Norse mythology? Why? Greek. I think it's just because that's what I know most about, though. I will say what I know of Norse is awesome too; it has total potential to be my favorite if I actually knew more about it. All I do know comes from the two most recent God of War games, and while I'm quite sure it is a rather accurate representation of key roles and events, I'm definitely not sure.

Which tale from whichever mythology you listed above do you find most interesting? ... You're making me realize I actually don't remember a lot of Greek mythos lmao, it's been too long since I was in mythology class. With Norse though, I think Jörmungandr as well as Sköll and Hati's lore are very cool.

Do you collect anything? What was the last item you added to that collection? Meerkat stuff is my primary collection; I think the last thing I got relating to meerkats was a shirt. I also collect Silent Hill merch, but I can't recall what the last thing I added on was.

What is your favorite vampire movie? I don't really have one.

Your favorite fictional couple? This is BASICALLY impossible, but I thiiiink I can pick one: Woo Young-Woo and Lee Jung-Ho from Extraordinary Attorney Woo, like that is just a STRAIGHT-UP wholesome, genuine relationship that warms my fucking heart to mush.

Do you have a favorite historical couple? Nope. Again, just don't know enough about history or care enough to dig into their personal lives, especially.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions

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