#this was written in 2017 and it made me want to pull my hair out and eat it

[rxttenfish]

also i finally finished Into The Drowning Deep so i never have to look at it again

my review: legitimately one of the worst books i have had the misfortune of reading, made worse by the fact that its all of the tropes that i love and hold dearly. everything feels like a slap in the face to all that i adore. can't even write amphibians, ancient or otherwise, right, and it does poorly on the other scientific facts. you might be drawn to it thinking it'd be a fun found footage with spec evo mermaids. you would be wrong. it has marine biologist david peters who is right (of course she's right), a megalodon believer, and it doesn't get better.

#all the care guide says is 'biomass' #i hhhhhhhhhhhhhate this book so much #it was torture in every single way #the one good thing i can say about it is its the first book that made me want to go on a rant about how awful it is #do not let it trick you into thinking it has lesbians #yes theyre the main characters. yes they have so little CHARACTER to them i had no idea why they were suddenly fucking #it has dogshit deaf representation and it just straight up has a cartoon poacher couple with a ''dragon lady'' trope #it forgets the disaster that was the dolphin house and thinks people can just talk to dolphins #this was written in 2017 and it made me want to pull my hair out and eat it

[soshiharin]

pause

summary: in which dongwook makes a suggestion

set: early june 2017

word count: 1.4k

warnings: swearing and angst

an: it’s not a silly goofy time if im beinf honest. feedback and reblogs are much appreciated 💐

harin’s masterlist

Harin tied her hair, not noticing how Dongwook’s eyes nervously followed her every movement. When she was done, she flicked her ponytail over her shoulder.

“So, when are you leaving?” He asked, watching as she took a sip of the coffee he made for her.

Harin put her mug down. “Um, I think in October. They’re planning for Mean Girls to premiere in Autumn.”

“Wow, that’s… Wow.” He sat back against the couch as his dog, Cucumber, crawled into his lap.

“I know!” She smiled. “I didn’t even think I’d get the role, but… I did.”

He rubbed his chin as he thought. “Are you going to take it? The role, that is?”

“Of course, I am,” she said, rubbing Cucumber’s tummy. “It’s a Mean Girls musical written by Tina Fey. I’m going to play Gretchen fricken Wieners and I’m going to do a damn good job at it.”

“That’s… That’s great,” he weakly cheered. “I’m so happy for you.”

Harin looked up at him, quirking her eyebrow. “Are you sure? Because you don’t really sound sure.”

He shook his head. “No, no, no. I am. I am,” he reiterated, seeing the look Harin was giving him. He sighed. “Uh, when I invited you over, it’s because I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Okay. Should I be nervous?” She asked, taking note of how he kept rubbing his hands along the length of his jeans.

He took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb along her palm. “I was thinking and… We should… It’s not easy to say this,” he said, breaking off with a sigh.

Harin watched as he did his best not to look at her, feeling her heart beat faster with how nervous she was. Her mind raced as she tried to figure out what he wanted to tell her. “Wha– What is it? You’re not gonna tell me you’re breaking up with me, are you?” She joked, her smile falling off of her face when he didn’t deny it, instead stopping the movement of his thumb. “Are you breaking up with me?” She asked softly. When he didn’t answer, she pulled her hand away from him. “Why?”

“It’s not your fault,” he assured her, still failing to meet her eyes. “It’s not you, i–”

“Don’t pull that bullshit on me,” she interrupted. “Why are you breaking up with me? I deserve to know what’s wrong, don’t you think?”

Dongwook hesitated to speak. “These past few months… We haven’t seen each other in three months. I… I don’t know about you, but I like to spend time with the person I’m da–”

“You don’t know about me?” She asked, grasping onto anything she could understand. She furrowed her eyebrows. “You don’t know about me?” She repeated. “We’ve been dating for almost two years, but we don’t see each other for three months and you don’t know who I am anymore.”

He began to shake his head. “That’s not what I said.”

“Yes, it is. You know I like spending time with people, whether I’m dating them or not. Us not seeing each other for a short while isn’t because I hate you or some stupid shit like that. It’s because I’ve been busy with Maybe Happy Ending. We haven’t finished our latest shows. I’m sorry I haven’t made time to see you recently, but it’s because I haven’t had any. But I will soon because we’re doing the com–”

“You won’t have time, though. You’re going to America.”

“Yeah, in October.”

“For how long? How long will you be there?”

Harin hesitated. “It should be about a month or two.”

“And if you’re asked to stay longer because the fans want to see it again? I mean, look at Maybe Happy Ending. You’re already thinking of planning a special concert because so many people love the musical. What if Mean Girls does so well that you have to stay longer?”

“Then I’ll do my job.”

“And when will we see each other?”

The air in the room had changed from relaxed to tense. Cucumber picked up on it and began to whine for belly rubs from her owner, who obliged.

Harin chuckled darkly, looking away from him. “So what you’re saying is you are incapable of hopping on a plane to see me? I mean you must be if you couldn’t even attend one of the show dates.”

Dongwook sighed, rubbing his face. “I’m not saying I want to break up forever, I’m just suggesting a short break. Just until you get back from America so we have time to actually be together. You’re preparing for this musical and Girls Generations’ comeback, I have a radio show that I’m hosting. So I’m just saying that we should press pause.”

Harin was quiet for some time as she thought. “Why do we have to take a break?” She hated how vulnerable she sounded. “We can just coordinate our schedules more.”

“I don’t want to either, but that’s all I’ve got.” Dongwook shrugged. “I’m sorry, babe–” he pretended not to notice how she flinched slightly– “but I think it’s what’s best for us. I tried to make it work, bu–”

“You didn’t try make it work,” she whispered. “I’m the one with a schedule almost everyday, you’re the one with a schedule on the twelfth of every month. It makes sense that I didn’t have time to see you, but the other way around? I just don’t understand it.” She felt herself get angrier the more she spoke. “For you to even insinuate that I am the only reason we haven’t seen each other is… It’s horrible of you.”

She looked at him, finding him looking at her. “Are you sure you don’t just want to break up with me? There’s no real reason, you just don’t want to be with me?”

“That’s not it.”

“Then why is your reasoning so bullshit? Why is there an easy solution? Why aren’t you willing to do anything to solve it?” She inhaled deeply, willing the tears in her eyes to disappear. She would not cry.

“I am willing to solve it,” Dongwook argued. “This is all I can think to do, jagiya.”

“Don’t call me that. Not while you sit there and come up with excuse after excuse.”

“They’re not excuses. I just… Things are going to get busy and I don’t want either one of us to feel like we’re being neglected. We’ll get back together when we have the time to be together.”

“Why should we?” She asked, an icy edge to her tone. “Hm? Why should we get back together? I mean, you already said I might have to do Mean Girls longer than expected. I could be in America for a year and that would be too long, wouldn’t it? Let’s just break up. For good.”

“You don’t mean that,” he whispered.

“You don’t know what I mean,” she said, shaking her head.

“Yes, I do. Because I know you and y–”

“You don’t know me. I’m a completely different person from the one I was three months ago. For all you know, I want nothing to do with you. In fact–” she stood up, getting her bag– “I don’t want anything to do with you.”

“Rin-ah, please–”

“I don’t want to hear anything you have to say, Dongwook-ssi,” she told him, her voice thick with emotion. “I gave you ways to make this work and you basically refused. If you are unwilling to compromise then I am unwilling to be in any sort of relationship with you.”

He followed her as she went to put her shoes on, reaching for her arm. “At least let me drive you back.”

“No, I don’t– I don’t want you around me anymore. So just leave me alone, please. You owe me this much.”

They stared at each other, both looking into eyes filled with pain. Eventually, Dongwook nodded. “Okay,” he said softly, clearing his throat to repeat himself. “I’m sorry, Harin.”

She turned around wordlessly, leaving his apartment. She found herself on the sidewalk a few minutes later, watching all of the cars driving past in the city, probably parents picking up their kids from hagwon. She walked to a cafe nearby, calling her manager to pick her up. A car pulled up to the curb within ten minutes. When she opened the door, she saw Yoona and Sunny. Ignoring their greetings, she went to the backseat, not bothering to close the door behind her.

“Unnie, you okay?” Yoona asked, noticing how Harin kept tapping her foot.

“Yeah, I’m… I’m fine. Sorry.”

She could tell they didn’t quite believe her, but they accepted her answer nonetheless. She looked at her phone for a few seconds before switching it on. Holding her breath, she blocked Dongwook’s number.

Later, she would cry in her bed about it, but for now, she had a dance practice she had to go to.

tagging: @moongrlz

©️ jang harin

#ficnetfairy #snsd 9th member #snsd ninth member #snsd oc #snsd addition #snsd added member #snsd extra member #snsd member au #snsd imagines #kpop oc #kpop addition #kpop added member #kpop extra member #kpop au #kpop imagines #harin #jang harin #harin :: dongrin

[billthedrake]

COACH LARSON'S FIRST BUCK

(Written with a big assist from @aestheticsupremacy - thanks, bud.)

"That's not how you block, Eckman!" Bryan Larson shouted from the sidelines of the practice field. The Bisons were coming off of a strong 2016 season but Coach Larson wanted more for 2017. He wanted a division win and a championship. The main practice for the day was done but he and Zach Gill were taking some extra time for additional drills with the O line.

A young man stood on the other side of the fence. Not part of the team or part of the staff. The good thing about Eastham State was the low-key vibes around practice, and it was easy for people into the community to come watch.

As Larson walked back to look at his playbook and notes, when he noticed the kid. Young, jock looking, maybe 5'10" and with a compact, taut build. Cute, Coach thought in an abstract way, brown hair cut medium short and blue eyed and dimpled. Real jock next door type.

"Looking good, Coach," the young guy flashed a smile.

Bryan nodded. Normally he'd be annoyed by an onlooker interrupting his work like this. But they were almost done, and there was something innocent looking about the kid. "Thanks. You a brother of one of the guys?" he asked. The dude looked solidly built but was clearly younger than a college student.

That brought those dimples out as he the jock replied. "Nah," he said. "I just came here to watch you, Coach..." and as he saw the look for surprise and incomprehension on Larson's face, well, he expected that. "I mean, I saw you on TV last year and I popped a huge boner, you know. I dunno, I'd just love to fuck you... figured I'd take a chance and come down...."

"Jesus," Larson hissed. His immediate impulse was to call the young man crazy, that he was a married man. But the knowledge flashed to his head that he had in fact been fooling around with another man lately. An Army reservist in his mid-30s, also married and enjoying some buddy sex on the down low. Bryan had kept it a once-a-month kind of thing, but it was a welcome release and chance to explore sex with another man... sucking, JO, even fucking. That knowledge made Bryan blush red in front of this jock, like the kid could see right through him.

"Come on, man, you wanna, right?" the jock coaxed in a low voice and with an affable grin. "It'd be hot."

Bryan's heart raced. There was something disarming about this cute fucker, disarming in an unfamiliar way. Different than his Army fuck buddy. Different than the sports reporter he slept with on a bowl game trip two years ago. Still, he kept his senses about him. "Man, how old are you?"

The jock was unfazed. "18," he replied. "Honest." But as if misreading Larson's objections, he added, "But I know what I'm doing in the sack, Coach. Promise."

"God," Bryan grunted, his handsome blond looks looking somehow just as attractive in his stern authority-figure mode. He could somehow not bring himself to say "no" outright.

The jock got a more earnest look on his face, dropping the nice kid smile. "Look... my parents are out of town for a couple of days. I have the house to myself... here, give me your hand..."

For some reason Larson extended his right hand forward. Maybe the jock was gonna give him a handshake. He looked around, but everything was normal. Coach Gill was wrapping up the drills. No one was paying any attention.

"I'm Jake," the kid introduced himself was he gripped Coach's hand and pulled out a pen, writing an address on it. "1512 Brentwood Circle," Bryan say scrawled in ink as he pulled it back.

"Trust your gut, Coach," was the last thing the teen said before putting his hands in his jeans pockets and turning to walk away from the field.

***

It was crazy. Crazier than crazy. But after shrugging off the encounter as one of those weird experiences, Bryan Larson found himself driving to 1512 Brentwood Circle. Maybe it was the no strings, direct approach. Maybe it was pure curiosity. But there was a good deal of lust, too. Larson was surprisingly turned on by the high schooler and his confidence.

He rang the door bell and about ten seconds later, Jake answered it, wearing only a pair of sweatpants from his high school wrestling team. A thick long boner stuck up obscenely in them, but equally obscene was that body... shirtless and hunky and rippled with teen muscle. For a young man his age he had rounded shoulders and bulging arms that knotted into round biceps.

"Hey Coach, come in," Jake said, like he was expecting the man. "I've just been edging to some porn."

Larson felt like a deer in the headlights but he followed Jake inside. "You sure it's OK? I mean your folks...?"

Jake flashed that winning grin and stepped up to the 6'1" older, football-built stud. "For a hot guy, you worry a lot," he said with a slight chuckle as his hands touched Byran's hips and his lips approached Larson's.

It wasn't that Bryan hadn't kissed guys he'd fooled around with. But he clearly hadn't experienced a kiss like this. It was like Jake was bringing his A game to making out, not too hard charging, just the right amount of finesse, just the right amount of forwardness with the tongue. Bryan melted into it, moaning softly into the teen's mouth.

He couldn't help it. He traced his hands along that bare, smooth muscle and finally reached down and gripped the stud's boner. It was big, bigger than he initially realized. He could almost feel the teen's smirk through the kiss. They pulled back, simultanously and Larson looked down. That ridge of prick was fat and extended to the waistband, even at an angle. Whatever oily lubricant Jake was using had stained a spot in the cotton, which just made the sight even more obscene.

With a grin, Jake eased the waistband over his cock and slid the sweatpants down. That cock was magnificent. Hard, veiny, and uncut, it tapered ever so slightly but was thick the whole 7.5 inch length. And a pair of fuzzy golf-ball-sized testicles hung beneath, barely a centimeter below the shaft. The pubes were a little fuller but still sparse in their brown fur.

"I'm feeling overdressed, Larson," Jake said with a sexy leer. Calling Bryan by his last name for the first time that evening.

Bryan gulped and looked into Jake's eyes. Hungry, on a mission. Fuck it, Bryan wanted this too. He peeled off his quarter zip and T-shirt then started undoing his jeans while kicking off his shoes. He'd gone from hesitant to all-in. He'd have to reckon with the inappropriateness of all this later.

"Love the blond fur..." Jake hissed as he felt up Bryan's front side. "hot fucking daddy..."

Bryan's cock twitched at the touch and the words. This kid was 22 years his junior and at that moment, Larson found that contrast hot as fuck. His hands were now openly on this hot young stud, feeling up every inch he could reach. From the strong back to round ass to the top of the hamstrings.

"You play a sport," he said as much as asked.

"Some football, some baseball, but wrestling's my main sport," Jake answered, gripping Bryan's hand and guiding it to his uncut erection.

"God you're big," Larson gasped. He never was ashamed of his own 6 and a halfer, but he was definitely outmanned in length and girth.

"Why don't you suck it, Larson?" Jake's tone was friendly, still, almost cliche good Mormon kid, but the words had an edge to them.

Bryan took another look and nodded. Then crouched down in the living room of some family he didn't even know. And he started licking that wrestler dong.

"Yes..." Jake hissed as he pressed his hips forward to give Larson fuller access and put his hands on his hips expectantly. "Dude... I'm so fucking horny, you have no idea." The voice showing a definite turned-on edge.

Bryan rose to the challenge. He'd actually gone down on his Army fuck buddy pretty regularly and was now thankful for the experience. He suckled the head and foreskin some before taking the full stalk into his mouth.

Even Jake was impressed. It wasn't a full-blown deep throat, but Larson was working a good five inches with his mouth and throat. It was feeling good, too good.

"Hold up, man... shit you're too good at that," Jake smiled as he leaned down to kiss the hunky coach. "Let's take it to my room, OK?"

Bryan nodded excitedly, standing up with an erection as hard as he could remember. He was even leaking, which he never did. It all felt new and exciting and naughty as hell. Sneaking over to some teen's house, being taken back to his room.

Jake's room was everything Bryan would expect too. A masculine space, a little messy with clothes strewn on the floor and an unmade double bed. Wrestling trophies were lined up on the dresser and desk, and a few music posters covered the walls.

But Larson was surprised to see the bedside table topped with a couple of bottles of poppers and different lubricants... baby oil, Albolene, and Swiss Navy, the latter in a big-pump size.

"Where did you get turned on to this?" Larson said with amusement as he picked up one of the brown bottles. His Army friend liked to sniff them when bottoming but otherwise Bryan had never encountered them. This was the last place he thought he would, too.

The jock just shrugged. "There was a recruiter visiting a couple months ago... he turned me on to the stuff. I know some guys like it cause it helps them bottom, but I like it topping, too... so ordered some."

Bryan had to laugh at the absurdity of it. "No shit?" he exclaimed setting down the bottle.

The teen laughed along but was earnest. "For real. Thank god for discreet packaging, huh?" he added.

Jake plopped onto the bed, his hardon sticking up as he patted the free space next to him. "Come on, Larson," he urged. "We know why you came over here."

Bryan in fact wasn't sure why he came over. But he was finding out, fast. He stepped up and climbed onto the bed. Jake snaked his arm around Larson's waist and pulled his blond-furred middle-aged body toward him. Their kiss was electric, more sexual this time as it fed off the feedback loop of need forming between the two men. They humped hardons and clung to each other's naked body. This was nothing like Larson's Army fuckbuddy trysts. This was better.

Particularly once Jake started kissing along his neck and along the spot right behind the ear. Bryan moaned and Jake chuckled to have discovered that spot. He pulled back for another soft kiss on the mouth before kissing down Bryan's dad bod.

The Coach almost thought he was gonna get a blow job now, like with his Army friend. Only Jake lifted up his legs and pushed them back, exposing Larson's furred cunt to his gaze.

"Fuck man, that's beautiful," the teen growled. "Better than I thought it would be, even." And like that Jake dove in, licking the fur around the pucker, then the pucker itself.

"Goddamn," the 40 year old hissed. He'd experienced a rim job, but that was just a thirty-second flit of the tongue. This wrestler was truly eating his hole out. It surprised the coach but more that that surprised him how much he loved it. Like a ticklish feeling that became something else. His hard leaked more along his belly as he now held his own legs back and his hips up to feed Jake his exposed cunt.

The young stud went at it, too. For a good solid ten minutes before finally rising up and grabbing some baby oil to pour onto the cunt hole. "God, that's a hot ass, Larson," Jake growled as a finger pressed in while his other hand dribbled some oil on his thick, heavy dong.

The first time Jake had fucked a man, he'd gone out and bought a twelve pack of condoms in preparation. But the guy, the father of one of his buddies, had never asked for one. It took the third daddy conquest before Jake even got a request to rubber up. But he discovered that the "just the tip" trick always worked. Playing dumb as he worked the hole with the end of his cock. Pretty soon he was tapping a raw ass.

After a few times of that, Jake tossed the rubbers in the trash.

He got into position now, edging the tip right against Larson's cheek while his fingers saw in and out. With a determined look he picked up the brown bottle and uncapped it, offering it to the coach.

Bryan shook his head, unsure.

"Come on, Coach," Jake sai. "I'm pretty well hung. This will make it easier for you. I promise."

Bryan relented and inhaled through his nose. It was like airplane glue or turpentine and not pleasant for the first couple of seconds. Then his heart pounded and a heat spread over his body. Bryan Larson wanted to get fucked, bad.

The man expected Jake to take a huff, too, given what he said, only the teen held the bottle and urged Bryan to take another hit. Those skilled fingers worked his ring and deeper, rooting for that spot.

The man started really feeling it, flying high. Jake pressed his 7.5 inch tool in place and barely pushed in. Maybe an inch. Maybe just a half an inch just working the leaking tip of Larson's ring.

"Come on, stud, you don't gotta go slow" - was what Bryan almost said. Instead, out of his mouth came a deep, "oh my fucking god." He'd never felt sensations this kid was giving him. Just a repeated tease of his cunt, making him want more.

Only Jake didn't give him more. Not yet. The 18 year old knew what he was doing. He rode Larson's ring for five minutes before he brought that vial up to his nose and took a deep huff. And a couple more. Then he plowed into Larson's guts all the way. Deep, resting a second before going for the hard strokes. A good solid six minutes of hard athletic fucking, as Jake passed the poppers back and forth between them.

Larson felt helpless to do anything but to lie there and take it, pretty quickly cumming on the wrestler's masterful cock, seconds before Jake's body did a couple of quick final shoves and unloaded his seed deep into the married man's guts.

They kissed, hungrily but less urgently, in that missionary fuck position. Bryan felt so completely USED and he had to admit it was magnificent. That orgasm was so deep and complete.

Eventually Jake pulled out, his heavy dick still firm. Softly his fingers massaged the cum-wet hole between Larson's cheeks. "Fuck, man, that was incredible," the jock grinned.

"I'll say. Where did you learn how to fuck like that? I... almost passed out I came so hard."

"It's all about finding the right spot, Coach," Jake just said. He lay beside the older man and pulled his warm, moist body toward his, making out with Bryan softly in the full-sized bed.

"I should go," Larson finally said, reaching down to take one last feel of that dick which had fucked him to heaven just now.

"Stay over, Larson," Jake pleaded. "Come on, it'll be fun." Already his mouth was kissing along the man's neck, and toward that magic spot....

"All right," Bryan relented, unbelievably feeling his erection return, so soon.

***

Bryan roused early and was temporarily disoriented about where he was. Then the wrestling trophies and the teen posters made him star to realize. He couldn't believe he put out for a young stud almost 22 years younger than him.

Just then, Jake shuffled his body behind Larson, running that strong arm over the older man's furry front.

"Hmmm," Jake moaned, clearly waking up too. That thick long piece of young-jock morning wood rode against Bryan's full muscular ass and pressed its leaking tip against the small of his back. Involuntarily, Bryan leaned back against that muscle, enjoying the strong embrace and the kisses long the neck.

Until the guilt hit. Fuck, he shouldn't have stayed over, no matter what the jock said. Larson had let his dick do the thinking for him. He'd been doing that more, but this was a whole other level. Now, he heard voices in the house, down the hall. The kids' parents. Fuck.

But as Jake kissed along that spot behind Coach's ear, it was like all the guilt and misgivings flipped into something else. A naughty thrill and sexual urge. The sex last night had been toe-curling good. Incredible. Even snuggling up with the teen wrestler and all-around athlete had been a new, exciting experience for Larson. No dumping your load on the DL and splitting. The teen had this intense sexual energy that had Bryan under his spell.

The 40-year-old pressed his ass back against the leaking iron-hard boner just as Jake's hand eased down his belly to grip his own daddy erection. "You're horny in the morning, too, huh?" Jake chuckled in his soft morning voice. He slowly worked Bryan's hardon and humped into his backside. The more he ground into that Coach ass the more Bryan half expected Jake to take him right then and there.

But instead Jake pushed right against the pucker. Not like last night, not working it back and forth - just holding it there, while he kissed Larson's neck and caressed his bod.

That ass was surprisingly tight now, and that 7 and a half incher didn't enter right away. Until it did. As if on autopilot, that Coach hole opened up and accepted its morning fuck. Jake's dick was mostly dry, just tacky-wet at the leaking tip, but Coach's insides were wet. Real wet. Jake had shot off twice last night and each load had been a healthy one.

It was an incredible combination for both men. Until the friction got too much for Bryan. "Easy," he urged, but just then that vial appeared.

"This will help, man," Jake said, and it did.

As Bryan took in the fumes, fewer than last night, but enough, he felt everything start to feel real good. The side position definitely helped Bryan adjust to the impaling, which was deeper now. And when he now voluntarily huffed the poppers a second time, his mind was right back to previous night, getting opened up and speared by Jake's teen cock.

There they were, cozy in Jake's full-sized bed, fucking side by side, and Bryan was getting in a deep sexual zone... the smell of sweat and cum.... the hormonal scent of a young man on the pillows and sheets.... the flexing of that teen muscle pressed solidly against his own muscular back.... the scent of bacon.

Fuck! The parents noises were louder now, and Bryan nervously tried to suppress his moans.

"Come on, Coach, don't be shy... Don't need to be quiet..." Jake was speaking at full volume, just like last night, just like that second fuck when he'd gone all verbal on Larson.

Those hips worked faster, jackhammering Bryan's already spasming cunt. Urgent and dominant. How the fuck was this kid 18? Words came out of Larson's mouth, not even caring now he potentially had an audience outside the door of this jock's bedroom. Maybe even getting turned on by it.

"Fuck me, Jake!" he cried out. Not a yell, but real loud. "Fuck my hungry hole, stud."

That turned on Jake like nothing else. He fucked faster now, churning the previous night's cream into butter around Larson's pucker, adding nasty sloshing sounds to their mating. "It's a cunt, Larson. You got a fucking cunt."

Oh god, this Buck was gonna fuck away his resistance mentally, too. "Yes... take my daddy cunt... own it bud."

That did it. Jake pulled Bryan toward him in a bear hug and unleashed his third load inside him. No longer speaking, just mewling against Bryan's now salty-sweaty neck.

Larson embraced it. Goddamn, he loved getting loaded up by this young man. It was making him reassess his sexuality. Not only his desire for men, but a distinct desire for a younger, in-charge buck like Jake. If they made any other young jocks this fucking good at it.

The only problem was, Larson didn't get off. Getting nailed missionary had somehow hit his p-spot just right last night, but the stimulation this morning worked him up but didn't give him that needed release. He started to reach down to his aching erection. Maybe he could tug a load out before Jake finally withdrew.

Only the teen was now maneuvering Bryan onto his belly, effortlessly using one of his wrestling moves. Damn, this stud should bottle his mojo, Larson decided as once again the jock began fucking. Not as fast or hard, but covering Larson's meaty build with his own youthful one. If the first fuck had been for Jake, the second one let the jock consciously use his big, slightly tapered dick to work over the older man's prostate. Bryan didn't think himself a passive lover, but he was helpless to do anything but lie there and get fucked by an expert.

Coach clenched the sweaty bedsheets and felt the pleasure rise in his body. There was some stimulation of his cock, but most of it came from his insides.

"Damn, you're a fucking good lay, Coach," Jake breathed, his voice now giving away that he was getting real excited too.

Bryan nodded and saw Jake's hand appear with that vial again. One last huff did it. The fumes hit Larson's head and everything went to another plateau of pleasure.

He heard Jake take a good sniff behind him then the jock started fucking hard. The headboard hit the wall loudly and rhythmically, louder than last night even. Undoubtedly the parents could hear, but neither one cared at that moment. They needed sex like this, hard and deep.

Bryan came first, barely. Jake's big dong fucked the cum right out of him, onto the sheets. It was a more intense orgasm than last night, even.

Jake orgasmed and kind of collapsed on Larson's sweaty back. "Fuck yeah," he hissed as he rested a second then gave another soft kiss to the neck and rolled off. He gave a light slap to Bryan's ass as he got off the bed and went to check his phone, like nothing had just happened.

Bryan lay still, head turned to the side but otherwise in a fucked-out, relaxed face-down position as his eyes traced over the corded teen muscle of Jake's exposed body, and the cum covered cock hanging still semi hard from his small tuft of pubic hair. Bryan's crack felt fully wet now, lewd and nasty, but that sensation just added to his dreamy appreciation of his top.

There was a knock on the door and Bryan's body clenched nervously, but Jake tossed the phone onto the bed and went to open the door, fully naked and without warning.

"Time to get up sport," came the father's voice. The man was an older version of the jock, strikingly handsome. He peered in and saw the 40 year old in his son's bed, as Bryan quickly pulled a sheet over his body. And undoubtedly he could smell the overpowering smell of sex in the air But the dad didn't miss a beat. He turned back to Jake. "Breakfast is ready and you don't want to be late to school."

"Down in a minute, Dad," Jake said politely. He strutted back in and found some shorts and a T-shirt to put on. "Wanna stay for breakfast, Larson?" he asked nonchalantly.

***

Coach Larson didn't intend to stay. It was embarrassing enough coming down the stairs and seeing Jake's parents there. He had his car keys in hand, ready to leave.

"Aren't you going to stay for breakfast, Mr...?" Jake's mother asked.

"Larson," the father chimed in. "We're big Bisons fan in this house," he grinned.

"Well, Frank is," Mrs. Larson said. "I'm afraid I don't follow... football, is it?"

"Yes, ma'am, football," Bryan replied with a blush.

"Well, I'll be personally offended if you don't have some breakfast with us," she smiled. "I made extra you know."

Bryan relented and it was all so surreal. Family kitchen table, like some Ozzie and Harriet scene. Frank asking him a million questions about the upcoming Eastham State Football season. Then the regular small talk, and Jake's parents asking their son if he was ready for his math test.

"I got this, Mom... besides I have Mr. Presswood eating out of my hand..."

Bryan looked on. God, the kid could eat. He shoveled in the eggs, bacon, and toast and went back for more. And more bacon. "Jake's sure got an appetite, doesn't he?" the father joked. "Practically eats us out of house and home."

"Coach knows how us young guys are, Dad," Jake cracked, pressing his bare leg against Bryan's leg. "I mean, he sees athletes bulking up and stuff all the time."

The crazy thing was, by the time they finished it seemed almost normal to Bryan. Jake went up to shower and change, and the coach stayed to chat with the parents.

"Hope you can come by again, Mr. Larson," the mother said cheerfully as she gathered up the plates.

"Ready?" Jake said as he came down dressed for school. Jeans, sweatshirt, and a backpack slung over his shoulder.

"Yeah," Bryan replied. "Nice to meet you Frank... and Linda...." he bid goodbye to Jake's parents.

As they stepped outside his nervousness came back. "So Jake... think I can get your number?" Bryan asked.

The wrestler gave a knowing grin. "Sorry Larson, I'm not the dating time. I'm kind of a player actually."

"Oh," the man said. Feeling strangely dejected. This 18 year old had upended his life, more than he even realized. And now it was just a fuck and go kind of situation.

Jake paused, a little contrite but also with an impish expression. "If it'll make you feel any better you can suck my dick before I got to school."

"You serious?" Larson replied, not sure if he was more surprised by the kid's brazenness or his quick sexual recovery time.

Jake nodded with a cocky grin. "I gave you four good fucks, Larson... seems like the least you could do to repay me... I'll be late to school, but Coach can write a note to excuse me...."

***

Larson did it. He got in the front seat of that jock's car and gave him a blowjob. After Jake came, the cocky attitude was gone and the sweet talker was back. "Seriously, Coach, thank you. Everything... last night... this morning.... was perfect." And Jake gave him one last final kiss goodbye before the 40-year-old slipped out and walked back to his own vehicle.

That was over 24 hours ago. Now, Bryan couldn't get his mind of Jake. His hole felt empty, and along with it some part of his psyche. It didn't help that the ink hadn't fully come off on his hand. The address was no longer legible, but Bryan could see it still. It gave him a weird satisfaction.

He stayed late in practice, and when he got out, his mind was somewhere else. In Jake's bedroom. He needed some youthful energy around him, so he decided to walk around campus. He'd maybe noticed some of the more attractive students before but strolling around now, he couldn't believe how many hot younger men there were. Jocks, fraternity guys, just regular stud college dudes. He passed a couple of the latter on the quad and they made eye contact. A flash of recognition at the football coach. But maybe more.

"Evening, Coach," the shorter one said. Cute fucker. Like an older Jake, Coach thought, only the voice was surprisingly deep for a college kid.

"Good evening fellas." Normally Larson would keep walking on, but tonight he stopped. "Say fellas, it's been a long day... you know someplace a guy like me could go to unwind a little?" His eye contact was heavier now, hoping they'd catch his drift.

The two studs looked at each other communicating silently. "We were just heading back to our dorm, Coach... if you want, you can come hang with us."

***

The second walk of shame didn't feel as bad, even as Bryan Larson slipped out of the dorm building at 7:30 AM. Neither college dude had matched Jake's technique, but as a duo... well, two was better than one. Bryan felt a complete satisfaction from head to toe. It was a temporary feeling he knew, but for now he'd savor it.

He didn't even notice Coach Gill's quiet demeanor that day. Zach had in fact asked for a rubber with Jake and like the rest Jake had urged him to just let that tip of the cock work his ring... just a little. Now Zac was coming to work with three teen loads in his guts.

But Bryan was in a good mood all day. It lasted to the next day, even. And it got even better when a package arrived. Simple brown paper wrapping. And an incomplete address "Coach Larson / Eastham State Football"

Larson had to laugh when he opened up and saw a scrawled note. "No hard feelings?"

No signature, but beneath it was a used varsity wrestling singlet, some baby oil, and a bottle of poppers.

#drakestories

[cavernsofdarkness]

💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other sim-blogs to do the same 💕

Oh man, okay, so I went through all my stuff as far back as 2016 (everything before that can't really compete). This is going to be a bit long, with honorable mentions under the cut.

Honestly, everything from the Edgerunners series is pretty good; I always joke about the cyberpunk aesthetic being my calling, and it's because the success rate from idea to execution is so much higher than with a lot of my other works. This post (especially with the gif) is probably number one.

2. I did not think I would be able to pull this set off as well as I did. The lighting?? I surprised myself. It's my favorite scene from this set.

3. Stepping away from cyberpunk, the atmosphere of this picture from the North Wind introduction photoset, along with the Unseelie Court introduction post.

4. Another from the SU. This was great; I really liked how it turned out. (Full post, w/lore)

5. The vibes and editing of this (and the gif!), I'm still quite pleased with it to this day. [Full Post]

6. I did not think I was going to pull off this Holi post the way I did, lol.

Honorable Mentions:

7. These two pictures, from this set. Drawing the hair was annoying, but I'm really glad I did.

8. From 2017; the pictures are okay, but the lighting in this set was the first time I really tried to do colored lighting well, and I haven't done this good of a job since xD

9. Vibes all day. Though from 2017 and lower quality, I still look back fondly on the atmosphere of these two photosets. [1, 2]

10. From early 2017, not the greatest quality, but everything about this post, from the video I made for it to the water effects, still holds a very special place in my memories.

Lastly, I wanted to highlight two posts with prose I've written that I look back on fondly. The pictures are fine and I have objectively written better stuff since, but something about them sticks out to me. Check them out here: 1, 2.

#I was going back through my stuff from 2016/2017 like 'man that was a good story I need to go back and read that' #LOL #cod talks

[padfootastic]

So I'm going to be greedy and try for two in the WIP game. Feel free to only answer one if that's against the rules :P

Number 11 prongsfoot (because yay!!! there is never enough of those two imo) and Number 5 Walburga (because I am super intrigued and coincidently I also have a WIP titled that haha)

i’m so sorry for taking so long i blinked and 1567 days passed by; this is the first time i’ve had wi-fi on my ipad in like a week 😭😭

so, prongsfoot is my ~much awaited (lol) longfic that i’ve been thinking about for months (let’s ignore the fact i only have a couple thousand words written hehe) it’s v simple and v cliche but that’s how i like it. single dad james who’s a personal trainer + model sirius who’s tired of his meaningless life who runs away and visits his aunt cassiopeia which is, coincidentally, where james lives. they meet, sirius falls in love with both james and harry, and they get together. very uncomplicated & tropey as fuck bc that’s how i like it. here’s a snippet of that one 🙈

“Give me more credit than that, won’t you? I’ve known you for years now and never have I seen you as fed up with life than in the past few weeks,” Lily said, “Which is really saying something when you consider I was there for your little experimental hair phase back in ‘02.”

Sirius winced. “Jeez, okay, I get it, no need to pull out the big guns. No one wants to remember that disastrous period in life.”

“By which, of course, you mean you don’t want to remember it. It brings me great joy to talk about it time and again—“

“That’s because you’re a little gremlin.“

“—as a reminder of how even the greatest amongst us weren’t always this way.”

Sirius heaved a great sigh and once again contemplated his decision to sit beside the little red headed demon colouring her sun purple and river orange in Year 4.

“Anyway. As I was saying,” Lily said with a pointed cough, “I’ve been expecting this for a while now, so let’s skip the mushy stuff - please and thank you, love - and move right on to what you had in mind if not this.”

Aaaaaaand just as quickly, he was reminded it was because he himself preferred braiding his hair with flowers to keeping it short, and wearing glitter on his cheeks, even as far back as when he was eight years old.

He quickly leaned forward to press a light kiss on her cheek before replying, “How’d you know I have something planned? This could be my chance to go off-the-rails, y’know.”

“Sirius, you know I love you, but your definition of ‘letting loose’ is drinking aged whiskey in a solo cup—“

“Because it’s truly absurd.”

“—and I don’t think you could even take a shit without writing it down in your planner, so forgive me if I don’t entirely believe your, er—what did you say?—‘Going-off-the-rails’ suggestion,” she ended with a snort.

Ah, the mortifying ordeal of being known. Sirius sometimes really wished Lily wasn’t as perceptive as she was, but then it wouldn’t be her if that were the case, would it?

“Fine,” he sneered, “I was thinking of visiting Great-aunt Cassie down South.”

Lily blinked.

“Great-aunt Cassie, as in Cassiopeia Black, as in the slightly-unhinged-spinster-recluse who lives with her pet cheetah and teaches little girls how to wield daggers in her spare time—that Great-aunt Cassie?”

Walburga is,,,interesting. it’s a oneshot (?) i started way back in 2017 and i’ve tried really hard to salvage a snippet from the cringe fest but i just can’t 😭 i like the basic premise which is basically this: sirius, who’s very, very good at offensive & grey/dark magic because his family thighs it to him from birth, and he tries to reconcile himself, who he believes himself to be, who he wants to be with who he was moulded into (regardless of whether it was successful or not). it starts off with the marauders practicing diffindo and sirius having a particularly powerful spell, and goes on to show how walburga made him use it. it’s a bit…dark, that scene, and a little cartoonishly evil (which is why it makes me cringe now) but yeah, that’s basically it.

i’m now super curious about your walburga fic 👀 can i reverse ask for a brief/snippet myself? is that allowed?

#james potter #harry potter #i was SO excited for this fic i cannot #and it’s like i’ve lost all ability to write it now 🙃🙃 #em i have so much respect for u i can’t even tell u #bc the fact that ur writing so consistently (and yes. it is consistent) plus so well is so !!! #bc it’s so hard i swearr

[thesecretattic]

Last message in HINDI before dying: “Mazaak udaaya na tune mere dreams ka be it the book (find all the covers designed on my own on Threads app @cashmerevanilla.co_) or these dreams (read the whole pic whats written here) THE EXACT SAME man with the moustache from that old pic where Jimmit, Preet, Aditya everyone was sitting which was there when u had added me & you were asking me out, that Beer Bonger pic the one in a White Kurti & Moustache with that butterfly wall hanger and A.C. on top (where Jimmit was thin and young and Aditya K. was thinner, the same Preet’s werewolf photos from Anubis post on FB jab tu bhi jawan tha) that same man who was sitting there in that White Kurti & Moustache that man that exact same man will take me on Bike Rides in Navsari and teach me Gujarati & also say terms of endearment in Gujju, and TAKE ME TO THOSE RESTAURANTS I MENTIONED here which the DEVIL knew and showed me, read why READ WHICH TYPE ppl were klld to show that… along with all the unfairness of 10 years. She didn’t want all that, find & read Difference post also, she didn’t have all these dreams which I did as a kid SPECIFIC ones which only the Devil knew such as even recently he left my birthdate along with 9 out of 69 her 26th Mar n my 29th Mar she is the Beast he left it on a pic which had a scene similar to the one in my book where I have put the devil and it is clad in snow cuz he even remembered what i had forgotten - my life’s first wish as a kid, for 3 years i kept wishing to play in the snow ❄️ he remembered it so well and even now I have several things for journalling with Snow theme. He knew the moustache reason and everything else pls find Dea—th Note it has my SPECIFIC prefs (Soulmate post) and the matching Swiggy/Tomar sign screenshot which was equally shocking, the 7up post both parts 1 & 2. Harsh wud say he’s instigating saale mera soulmate hoke uski gaandh mein ek baar ghusa kya nikla hi nahi foreigners ke bu-m ki photos dekh she will say soulmate issue are u JEALOUS? Have some self respect & leave… she was made for Mishkat I have seen their signs, pls read Why the Dead are angry post. It has a lot more than their signs one more below in the same note with proof but pls read. After dying that same man will take me there to these restaurants the typical ones I have mentioned below (haven’t left my house since 2017 more stylish than her better clothes even in this budget thanks to my luck and coupons but they are still with tags never got to dress up or go out) he will take me there and on bikes rides in Navsari and say loving things in Gujju after I die now his real soul will in that white kurti (which I am sure in Heaven) I was born with straight silky hair n everyone wud say I was like a Gujju then he ruined them, my mother wud yank pull them from the crowning area and abuse me a lot and then he came to make things worse, Aneri has curly hair common hairstyle + she is maha tacky

These places read - these Harsh (Jayesh) Rajput - People were klld 5+ ppl to show me all the unfairness from the past 10+ yrs since I was 18 where I kept preserving through all the pain, thrashings the entire ordeal in the chronic pain illness he gave me while he was being UNFAITHFUL from behind. All the small LOW BUDGET hole in the wall quaint restaurants I’d imagined all that with him he showed it WITH HER That too she wasn't even wearing anything matching it wasn't even Co-ordinated I HAD THE MATCHING corduroy jacket in the same fabric & colour he was wearing cuz i'm his SOULMATE. I deserved to be there. Those small fancy low budget restaurants it was MY DREAM u won't understand it. Those cosy small places & two wheeler rides - Zara Sauleh

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

ooh a life update *stares*/mild vent oopsie

sometimes (my every waking moment) I’m like “wow college should not cost this much money” and it really fr fr doesn’t feel worth it because why the fuck do I have to pay to apply to have a place to stay on campus

like I wish my 3.6 GPA got me a full ride or smth but nooo my academics have to be perfect or I have to play a sport and my leggies are not built for any of that

My pipeline was “does homework at the end of the day in class to watch animal shows at home” to “comes home and watches sillies then sleeps”, none of that is related to Kicking A Ball or Throwing Something.

sometimes I wish I contributed more to that type of thing but like……I don’t know if I’d still be the same person or if I just…..it’s odd. I want to feel appreciated by my school but I don’t want them to take credit for something I did myself.

My HS isn’t responsible for showing me how to write well, the internet and writing shitty smut since 2017 did that. I did that myself by building my skills. But they don’t care unless you win stuff for it. They don’t care about your passions for creating change and not liking authority because of how hypocritical it is. You want me to throw a fucking ball, or have other people be impressed by my art, or never have failed a class (sorry, I can’t control when my depression and OCD flare up).

and then the ever looming “getting a job in my field” and paying off student loans after I’m paying thousands each month to stay in fucking school so I maybe have a career in the field im studying for

like make some noise yall (lower tuition permanently or it’s you and the woodchipper)

also another thing that sucks is knowing there’s things wrong in the world and in your government and not being able to do shit about it but call your senators and wish you could vote it away and wish you could give starved kids your meals and your water and your bed and home.

and nobody your age cares either. They’re so unaware of everything going on, or on the most surface level it makes you want to pull your hair out. And you get weird looks for being upset that things are shitty?? Like you don’t get how this is bad and why I’m mad?? How? What does it feel like to not care about anything that’s not an arms length in front of you?

anyway um. Thanks for reading. I hope I actually write that archivist fic. AND ANOTHER THING WAIT

sometimes I feel illegitimate for saying I’m a writer but I don’t write unique characters that I made or stories I created. And I almost want to invalidate it but then I remember how much depth I’ve added to characters and situations and what they’re like, and just sprinkling a bit of ✨spice ✨ into their design. Idk. It’s weird. Like I get what writers mean when they’re talking about writing but I don’t feel special because I feel like what I’ve written in terms of fanfiction isn’t impressive enough. (I fucking forgot I wrote a 10 page research paper in a night, and got to the state level of the social studies fair for one I did last year) anyway

words of advice are very welcome

have a silly for listening to me yap

#anyway yeah um…..i graduate in 2 months and Im Totally Fine And Dandy About It

[flusteredloser]

sugar sweet

richie tozier x fem reader

category: fluff, fluff, literally just fluff

word count: 3,3k

content warnings: swearing, stealing, slight nsfw (sexual innuendos... bc it’s richie tozier), a driving scene written by a bitch who can't drive, overbearing fluff, sonia

a/n: hello here’s a lil soft fic i wrote in a hyper state today <3 i had ‘beverly’ by ben wallfisch from the it 2017 soundtrack stuck in my head while i wrote the ending so !! enjoy

🎡

"sweetheart, if you don't put your head back in, i'm afraid i'm gonna have to marie antoinette you."

you laughed dismissively at his empty threat, feeling a grin take over. you let the wind crash against your face and through your hair, the scent of sea salt softly filling your nose. if richie thought that you were going to give this feeling up, oh, was he wrong.

despite what he was saying, the sight of morning sunlight streaking through your flying hair and your torso poking out the passengers' window was one richie wished he could get used to. despite his nagging for the past half hour, ranting about the dangers of vehicular manslaughter and mishaps, he couldn't help but beam at your laughter. 

he almost hit himself in the head for getting all worked up about safety like eddie always did, but it was something he found himself doing often with you. keeping you safe and sound was one of the few things that kept him from staying up all night. besides, you guys were going to see eddie and the rest of the losers in a bit anyways. the designated role of the pedantic worrier would soon be shrugged off richie's shoulders.

keeping one hand on the wheel, richie’s free hand never left the edge of your knee, not once in the hour-long drive. no matter how far you reached your body out his car's window, his fingers stayed glued around you. you never said anything about the gesture apart from placing your hand over his. being his was something you never got used to, but you were far from complaining.

"richierichierichie i think we're here!" you exclaim, ducking your head back inside the car.

"you sure, dummy? the massive ferris wheel and circus tent means we're close to the carnival?"

your hand leaves his to go shove his temple, "fuck off, rich."

"i know i know, you're really excited," he taps your knee, "so am i."

he pulls into the parking lot, expertly navigating his way through the crowded area before finding a space. an empty space which was coincidentally beside a sketchy beat-up minivan painted with "URIS," in fat letters.

richie laughs, "what are the fucking odds.”

his hand moves from the skin on your knee to the back of your seat, his body shifting to face the rear. you subtly eye your boyfriend sitting in the driver's seat and tried not to physically express any of the thoughts firing in your mind right then. dear god, did he look good today. you end up shamelessly staring at him as he strains his neck to squeeze his way through tight space. his knuckles turn to this ghostly shade of white when he flexed them against the wheel, his rings glinting under the sunlight.

once he finally put the car in park and shifted his weight back to you, he catches your gaze. throwing a wink, he pulls out the keys and stuffs his belongings into his jean pockets. 

you’re sure he has zero clue about the effect any of this had on you. sure, he was your boyfriend but sometimes you found yourself feeling scared at how much you liked him. this boy has you wrapped around his finger and he barely knows half of it.

you reach over and run your fingers through his unruly hair a couple more times, enjoying the way the curls bounce back. “you look so good, rich.”

he rolls his eyes at your remark, but you don’t miss the way a small blush reaches tips of his ears. “enjoy it while it lasts, i can’t let the guards recognise me again.” 

“i still can’t believe you got fired and banned on the same day, rich. that’s genuinely so impressive, you know that?"

richie rolls his eyes but you see the hint of a grin on his face, “you going soft on me, sweets?”

“could never.” you ruffle his hair, letting your nails glide along his scalp and you laugh at the way his head naturally tips back. richie had no clue why the feeling of your hands in his hair that made him short-circuit, but he wasn’t complaining.

“do we really have to go see them...” richie groans, grabbing your hand and placing it back onto his head when you pulled away.

“richard tozier. i did not pester you to drive us an hour away just so you could fold at me playing with your hair.”

he side-eyes you. “why did i agree to this again?”

“because every day for the last month you wouldn’t shut up about ‘taking eddie’s slushee v-”

“ed’s slushee virginity, riiiight,” he breaks out in a smile, “jesus, can you believe sonia never let him near one in his entire life?”

you tug his fringe towards you and the rest of his head followed, “well, now that he’s all alone there, someone’s got to be there to guide him through his first time, right?” 

he faux-pouts back at you, the mischievous glint in his eye sparkling brighter. “fine.”

finally, you let go of his hair and he pecks a kiss against your cheek before putting on his sunglasses and tipping his cap further down his face. opening his car door, you sit there dumbfounded as you watch the 6'2 disguised dork clamber out of his side with your tote bag on his shoulder.

he glances back, offering a hand as if you were going to climb out on his side as well, “c’mon, we don’t have all day.” and richie made sure you knew that by dragging you through the park, evading the guards left and right in under a minute. it was only so long before you spotted a group of idiots wandering aimlessly. bev’s bright red hair was the instant identifier, and watching this bill’s lanky frame grab a fistful of stan’s curls to yank it about sealed the deal. 

“stanley, darling,” richie yelled through the crowd, “if you wanted someone to pull your hair that badly you could’ve asked me nicely.”  “shut the fuck up, trashmouth!” stan yelled back. “wait. rich?”

you walk over and sling your arm around bev, “you guys haven’t been waiting long, have you?”  she grins at the sight of you, “no, but if i have to hear mike argue one more time that the high striker is apparently ‘broken’ i’m going to kill somebody.”

“do me a favour and kill me, bev!” stan’s voice cuts through, followed by a shriek when richie too grabs a handful of his hair. 

bev’s hand leaves yours to go smack both boys upside the head. “y’all better stop acting like children before i get fucking fired. i’m not going out like dumbass richie here did.” she eyes the rest of them, who all halt in their tracks.

“yes, ma’am,” the chorus sighed.

🎡

"ed's, i swear on your mother's smokin’ bod that blue is the. best. flavour. there's literally nothing wrong with it."

"you just called blue a flavour, richie-”

"because it can be. it doesn’t matter if blue and red colouring are the same, you can feel the difference.”

"no, i really can't. i don't understand how the colour blue could possibly be-"

richie groans, "fine, eat your mommy's packed lunch like the big boy you are." he teasingly starts to wave his cup in front of eddie's eyes.

"quit it, rich. if eddie doesn’t want toxins in his body, leave him be." ben interjects before sipping his own neon drink.

the boys huddled together around a picnic table they had managed to snatch before the carnival’s lunch rush swept over. richie and bev used to work in the carnival last summer, the two-week period spent with one another supposedly being “worse than the devil’s asscrack.” the comment itself earned richie five slaps, one each from the boys, and a high-five from bev. that was until richie got permanently banned (which you still don’t know how) and now bev carried on by herself whenever they roll back into derry. 

currently, you and bev were on your way back from the concession stands, attempting not to spill anything. you each held at least four bags of carnival foods and drinks in your arms, bev also balancing the few candy bars she stashed under her shirt. teeter-tottering your way back to the boys, richie burst out in laughter at the sight of you struggling. 

“as graceful as a job you’re doing with that, sweets, do you want some help?” he smirks, already swinging his leg over the chair.

“nope, nothing to see here,” you groan at richie’s smug grin. “rich, i swear to god if you come near me i am going to-”

“hurt me, hit me, murder me, mmhm. i’m sure you’ll do a whole lot of damage.” he winks, swiping the bags from your arms.

“freaky.” stan muttered, churning his slushee with the straw. you grumble at richie’s endearing irritating act of heroism and plop yourself next to stan empty-handed. 

“here, you want some?” stan raises an eyebrow, offering his blue slushee towards you.

“thanks stan, but he’s got my...” you glance towards richie, half-expecting to see him distributing the snacks, only to see him aggressively nudge the slushees in eddie’s face. “you know what, i’ll take it.” 

stan scoffed, “what, you thought i was offering this from the depths of my generous heart? i thought you knew me better-"

the sound of plastic crinkling and eddie’s yelp cut through stan’s sentence. 

you look back at the sight of richie threatening to pour the ice into eddie’s hair, eddie shrieking and wildly missing punches at richie. dear god, your boyfriend was such a menace. richie and eddie never spent a day where they weren’t at eachother’s throats though, but anyone with a pair of eyes could see that they deeply loved one another. rich had that effect on people, you think. he was rarely overtly loving, but it’s not like he needed to be. you guys just knew.

ben smiles sweetly between you and your gaze on richie. “you’re staring again, y/n.”

you immediately snap out of it and go to slug ben in the shoulder. “was not.”

“was too.”

"was. not."

"was too!"

you narrow your eyes at ben who sheepishly smiles in innocence. he reaches over to grab a couple onion rings from your bag to which you lightly slap the back of his hand. he groans, trying again from another angle, “just because i pointed out your goo-goo eyes at trashmouth?”

bev snatched a couple rings from across you and threw them at ben. he chuckles gleefully at the perfect catch. “you know, he’s not wrong,” she points out.

“for the last time, i wasn’t staring,” you groan.

“not about that, genius. the way you’re absolutely whipped for that dick.” she smiles. “i mean,” you barely conceal your smirk, “the dick is pretty g-”

"not what i meant," bev sighs while the rest of them groan at your words.

“seriously though,” bill asks with genuine curiosity, “how did you even end up together? how do you even like someone that much?” bev tuts from the other side, “tread lightly there, denbrough.” 

“shut up, you know what i mean. it’s trashmouth we’re talking ’bout here.” bill grins, “it’s a mystery how someone can shut him up so quick.”

you laugh to yourself, thinking about the few times you get to see richie completely speechless. “it’s not that hard, you know?” you shrug softly at the way the losers nod. you may all pretend to hate the life out of him but he always had a special place in each of your hearts. “he cares with everything he’s got, no matter what. he’s always there for you even if you don’t want him to be. i just...i don’t think he’s been anything less than...” 

“-if you say ‘perfect’, i’m going to hit you.” stan says.

you roll your eyes at stan, “fuck off, but... but yeah. it’s so easy to love him and i honestly owe you guys an apology for being so annoyingly whipped for that dork,” you joke.

aside from the distant bickering coming from richie and eddie in their own little world, a silence hung over the six of you. it was too quiet. wondering if you said something wrong, you scan over them, only to be met with six variations of a smirk. more than confused, you chuckle nervously. “i was joking about the apology thing but if you really want-”

“you said ‘love.’” bev laughed.

“what?”

“you said ‘love,’” she repeated. “that you loved him.”

“i... of course i love him, he’s..” not trusting any more of the words coming out of your mouth, you cut yourself off and gather your thoughts.

of course you loved richie. each and every one of you loved your resident trashmouth, he was one of your best friends. the two of you were the closest of friends, an insufferable duo for years before you began dating. it might have only been a few weeks since he asked you out, but it’s not like too much changed from when you were friends. 

there was only more love, more affection, only slightly more sexual innuendos (majority of them were solely just to piss off stan). 

so of course you loved him. more than you did when you were friends. which he’s gotta know... right?

“fuck, maybe i do owe you guys an apology.” you joke.

“don’t think twice about it, this is nothing compared to him. if i took a shot for every time he went on some sort of love ramble about you, i’d be fucking dead.” bev replies, “and then he would carry on.”

you laugh, shaking your head in denial, “c’mon, he does not do that.”

“are you blind?” mike speaks up. “you’ve had him since the first day you joined us at the barrens. i can still see fourteen-year-old richie ogling you clear as day.”

you stammered at your response, tripping over your words. “mike, i think you broke her. she’s become bill,” stan teases.

you go to shove stan again and sorely miss. “anyways, my point is...” 

you avoid their eye contact and go back to churning stan’s slushee. “he has my heart, fuck, he’s got all of our hearts. like, is he an asshole? sure. does he get on my nerves every other day? definitely. will he be the death of me? probably. but i l-”

“i sure hope you’re winding up to something there, sweets.” 

you snap your head up from your dreamy rambling to see richie smirking next to you and eddie squeezing himself next to bill. you feel yourself go bright red at the realisation that he had been listening. 

“i- no. that was it.”  

“you sure? you going off about me... ‘but’...” richie pushes, quoting your words.

“richie, if you genuinely think you have redeeming qualities, i suggest some self-reflection.” stan quipped. “yeah, i was just pointing how much you bother us. no ifs, no buts,” you jokingly agree.

“mean,” richie rolls his eyes, shifting back in his seat next to you.

he’s gotta know... right? 

you wink and stick your tongue out playfully, to which richie raises an eyebrow at. he glances between the blue drink in your hand and your tongue, his gaze on your lips making you nervous. 

“now, what?” you sigh, wiping the ice from your mouth and pretending that you weren’t dying to know what was churning in that brain of his. 

“nothing,” richie shrugs smugly, “just that i’ve always wanted to know how my cock looked blue.”

the comment took you off guard, your instant blush only fuelling richie’s grin. without hesitation, you lean over with a faux-pout, an act that has richie’s eyes wide. “careful there, trashmouth,” you tease loudly. “you keep this up and you’ll see how stan’s looks blue.”

bev immediately gasps with her hand over her mouth, followed by mike’s stifled cackle as he slapped richie’s back. the rest of the group looks frankly stunned, and stan’s face is on a whole different level of red. 

richie doesn’t even look the least bit angry. his jaw is dropped slightly and he runs his hand over his jaw, trying to stop the chuckle that leaves his throat. if anything he looks proud. 

shaking his head with a smile, he slings his arm over your shoulder to pull you closer. “that’s my girl,” he grins.

“yeah, that for sure is tozier’s,” bill says.

there’s no way any of you miss the way richie’s face goes red under that comment and your heart skips a beat when he squeezes your side. when no one’s looking, you lean up and kiss by his ear, absolutely delighted by the deeper shade of red on his face. 

“darl, if you don’t stop that i’m going to go as red as stan,” he whispers into your hair. the both of you look back at the boy who’s trying to concentrate on his slushee and not the blush that’s continued to creep to his neck. “i’m actually getting concerned.”

you giggle, “shh, he’s fine.”

“no really, i give it a couple seconds before eddie pulls out his medical fanny pack,” richie says.

you look up at him as you’re tucked into his side, his arm still slung around your shoulder. his dark hair and eyelashes caught the sunlight, his blue eyes glinting as he glanced back. his lips were tipped into their signature cheeky smile, almost like a cue that he was going to say something out of hand. you felt the swell of your heart grow as he raised his eyebrows, prompting what he knew you were going to say. 

“you know, earlier...” you whisper, looking down to his hand intertwining with yours. “i just... i wanted to say that i... you know... that i-”

“i feel like i should be offended at how hard it is for you to tell me you love me, sweets,” he whispers back, clearly trying to keep a straight face.  fuck.  “oh god please, you know i-” richie shushes you, kissing the crown of your head. “it’s okay, i know.” you can feel the curve of his lips against your hair. “i love you too.”

trying to tame the aggressive blush and stupid smile that reached your face, you follow his gaze over to eddie. just like richie joked, he had this fanny pack laid on the table in front of stan. you weren’t listening to anything they were saying, but you watched the way stan was squirming from eddie, insisting he did not have heatstroke. mike stood right behind stan, pinching his cheeks and periodically wrapping his strong arms around stan to stop him from squirming. bev was leaning across ben and bill’s laps, joining in and poking her fun at eddie and you notice how bill’s hands traces figures along bev’s side. ben gazes at the group of them, chiming in every so often when stan’s quips got too violent. 

it was one of those moments you wish you could freeze. 

after a while, richie whispers into your ear. “do you think they’d even notice if we left for the ferris wheel?”

you break your eye contact from the group to gaze up at him. “nope, not at all. you think you can sneak us some tickets?” 

“please, you think i got kicked out of here for nothing?” he scoffs.

“is this how you’re going to get banned again?” you grin, poking his side, “stealing tickets for your girl?”

with a soft smile, he takes your hand to subtly stand and back away from the group. with stifled giggles, the both of you manage to make it at least twenty feet without the losers even noticing. the second you two were out of earshot, richie wraps his hand around yours and begins to run, “i wouldn't want it any other way."

🎡

#richie tozier #richie it #richie tozier x reader #teen richie tozier #richie tozier imagines #richie tozier fanfic #richie tozier fanfiction #stanley uris #stanley uris x reader #beverly marsh #bill denbrough #mike hanlon #eddie kaspbrak #ben hanscom #richie tozier x y/n #stephen king it #it movie #it 2017 #it chapter 2 #fanfics

[liveindaydreamswithhim]

Just like 1940*

A blurb in which Harry comes back from filming Dunkirk only to find that his girlfriend thinks he's a soldier coming back from war and wants to reward him.

Warning: This is pure smut. Main kinks: role-playing and even some choking and bondage.

I had this idea back in 2017 when Dunkirk had come out. However, I did not write then so now that videos of Harry training for Dunkirk has resurfaced, it has come back to me again. I will not let this opportunity go this time.

Word count: 5.6K

Harry sighed and rolled his shoulders in order to get rid of the soreness that lingered after his long day at the set. His hours at work – quite different than the work he had been already used to – consisted mostly of hard training. That is how it was nowadays being part of a film and a war film nonetheless, so he and all the cast members had to always stay in their best shape and having to withgo heavy hours of training. From weightlifting and boxing to exercising in the wet sand while they were left to the brutality of the cold wind in addition to the sea that chilled him down to his bones and made the minutes feel like hours. Moreover, they had diving lessons in wet suits that barely even sheltered him from the freezing waters as well as wardrobe training to learn how to swim while wearing the heavy army boots and all the uniform equipment.

Harry searched his back pockets for his hotel room keys and even let a small groan as he reached towards the hole only for the joints of his elbow to crack in protest. Even though this day was not a training day, but rather a filming day, it had hardly given him any comfort for it still requested high physical skills and willpower and he could also feel the consequences of yesterday’s gym training. His thighs had been the ultimate victim as he dragged them around today, the muscles harder and more prominent from the excessive use, along with his torso that suffered the results of continuous core exercises, which also restricted him from laughing too much on set today since every deep breath was like a small pang to the stomach.

The boy felt his uniform stick to his skin with sweat and the smell of saltiness clung to him after being exposed to the sea air for a long period of time. He made a mental check to wash it tomorrow. That was the only problem of taking your work clothes with you – even if it saved you time in the morning for getting ready on set, you had to wash it yourself and that was not something the other actors warned him about when they advised him of it.

As Harry entered his room, the smell of vanilla and jasmine invaded his nose and he remembered to step lighter on his army boots and close the door with a soft thud as to not disturb the other person that was probably in his room so late at night. What gave him a bit of peace – and mostly his body – was the fact that he had tomorrow off to rest and more importantly to spend some time with his girl. Y/N was visiting him after being away from each other for the last three months and she had been very excited the first day he had taken her to the set and her eyes turned twice their normal size as they stared at every piece of the setting as well as behind it with all of the crew members. Y/N had been giddy when she met his co-workers who she charmed with her smiles and blushes (and also the fact that she was cutely wrapped up in bundles of clothes as to not catch a cold that only her face was visible, the skin of her cheeks and nose tinted red from the brutal winds as few strands of hair tickled her face that she couldn’t really push away since her hands were restricted by her thick gloves) and Harry had felt so proud to call her his as he showed her around with his arm over her shoulder as she leaned into him for some extra heat.

Y/N had looked especially proud when she was witnessing him act with her hands clasped close to her chest as she had stared in awe at the way her boyfriend looked. It gave him that extra boost of confidence as he noticed the way her eyes trailed from his short hair to his stained face to shamelessly gawk at the way his green uniform clung to his body especially when water was soaking it, leaving the skin underneath a bit more visible. Y/N would bite her lower lip but would not say anything until he finished filming for the day and then she would drag him immediately to their room, her hands never leaving his body until he was burning up from her touch, melting from her close proximity as she made him moan and call out her name in the darkness of the room over and over again while trembling under her warm body.

His blood rushed as he even thought of the day when he was being pulled inside a forgotten closet by his lover who, without wasting any time, attached her lips to the sensitive skin of his neck and collarbones pushing the fabric off his shoulder to give Y/N more space to invade. Harry had become dizzy at her assault but it had only lasted a few seconds, long enough to guide his hand down the front of her legging, where he realised how drenched and needy she was for him, but before he could curl his fingers in the way that had her begging, Y/N pulled his hand away with a deep sigh like it hurt her to do so, kissed his pink coloured lips for a second and then push him back out of the room before anyone could notice his absence.

Y/N, left in the closet with her own thoughts, had giggled at the stunned expression on Harry’s face and how she had picked her own battle carefully in order to await retaliation from him. And it really was more than she could handle. Harry had had on his scary calm face, the one that made her eyes widen in innocence because perhaps she had bit more than she could chew. After having her hands restrained to the bed frame, unable to move, Harry had granted her what she wanted, but with a twist. That night Y/N got his ring clad fingers time after time until she was sore and raw and made a wet mess of the bed, until she was begging for Harry to stop as he stared at her with a smirk on his clean shaved face, fake sympathy written all over it.

“But we have only just began,” was all that he had said and pulled her until she stranded his lap, a tight hold on her trembling thighs while her hands had fought her restrains.

Almost painfully slow, he slid inside of her, with absolutely no resistance as her mouth choked a small whine. As he had fucked her raw against the bedframe, his lips and teeth leaving marks on any part of soft skin he could reach, Y/N had thought to herself that maybe she had won the battle, but she had definitely lost the war. However, she was not giving up until she finally got what she wanted.

Walking now further into the room, Harry heard a soft humming and was surprised to see that Y/N was still awake and had lit a few jasmine scented candles that gave the whole room a golden feeling.

“Y/N?” he called out carefully.

Harry heard an elongated gasp and soft feet padding quickly to where he was.

“You are finally home!” she exclaimed coming into view and throwing her arms around his broad shoulders squeezing tightly as her feet left the floor.

Although confused at her affection he hugged her back because in the end, he had actually missed her on the set today. With his arms around her waist, he buried his head in the crook of her neck taking in the sweet smell of vanilla that always followed her. After a few moments, Y/N pulled back and smiled brightly at him and only then did he notice her attire. She was wearing a baby blue button-down dress that reached her knees. It had a sweetheart neckline and was tight around her chest and waist before it flowed out with enough fabric to hide her bare feet from view. The dress looked from a different era entirely and Harry was certain that she had bought it from a second-hand vintage shop. However, what caught his attention was the fact that the fabric was so thin that he could actually see her nipples protruding, hard from the chilly air of the room or even her lustful stare at him, because while he was staring her down, Y/N was also doing the same, with her lip caught in her teeth as she saw the camouflage apparel he had on, a few of his jacket’s buttons undone to see the green shirt underneath. A thick black belt kept his army trousers carefully in place and she never hated anything that much before.

“I can’t believe that you are back to me!” Y/N said eagerly, the tone in her voice cheery mixed with surprise.

“What–“ Harry was beyond confused looking at his girlfriend in front of him.

“You have been away from me for so long, I thought I would never see you again,” she cried out and he was so bewildered that he let her lead him to the bedroom and pushing him gently on a chair.

She went down on her knees in front of him and started unlacing his boots. The frown on Harry’s face was still prominent as he thought “what the fuck”.

“Baby, are you okay?” he asked softly and reached over to her forehead, thinking that maybe she had gone out without her protections against the cold and had caught a fever.

Y/N simply gave him her sweetest smile that melted his heart and replied; “I am more than okay now that I have you here again my love,”

“I don’t understa-“

“I am so happy that you have come back home to me from the terrors of the world, my brave, brave soldier,” Y/N looked up at him with adoration in her eyes as well as plenty of mischief as she finally stood up, her fingers reaching towards the stray curls that had fallen in his eyes.

“Soldier?” was all that Harry could say dumbly and he seriously felt that he was missing something, but it wasn’t likely that Y/N would simply reveal it and he was all alone trying to understand.

“Yes, soldier. For have you not been fighting restlessly against our country’s enemy while I am sat here at home praying for your well-being, hoping that you will return to me?” she asked pursuing her lips like he was the mad one here.

This time Harry stayed silent trying to understand and looked in her eyes, filled with challenge as she cocked her eyebrow at him, running her hands down her skirt and raising it just enough to reveal the creamy skin of her thighs as placed each of them in either side of his until she was stranding him, and his hands ended up automatically on the small of her back as Y/N stared down at Harry with a theatrical sigh.

“Oh, how I missed you,” she dropped her head to his neck and puckered her lips to litter soft kisses around the are that slowly turned more opened mouthed as she reach the underside of his jaw, while her thighs squeezed his, trapping him under her.

Oh.

He saw it now.

His palms ran down to her ass and he pushed Y/N with force until her chest was against his, feeling her gasp and breathe heavily through the thin fabric of her dress. A wild sensation came over him as he realised the game that his girl wanted to play and fuck, would he grant her anything she asked for, so with a deep breath, he ran his hands all over her like he didn’t know where to begin touching her, in the desperate manner that he usually possessed after not seeing her for months on end.

Y/N released a small moan as Harry’s hands finally reached her hair and gathered it in one handful, pulling it lightly so that her throat and cleavage was exposed to him. She closed her eyes at the sensation of his lips on her skin that was starting to be set on fire, especially as his tongue poked through to savour the taste of her. His other hand rested on her hip that had already started grinding on him.

Harry growled and the sound travelled deep inside her all the way through her veins and his presence was heavy all around her. She almost couldn’t believe that she had convinced him to roleplay with her, a fantasy born since the first time she had seen him in that army uniform. During the last few second with his lips carving bright red marks on her skin and then licking over them, Y/N had become very desperate and that was not part of her acting.

“I missed you too,” Harry replied almost in agony, for if she wanted him to play desperate, he would gladly do so.

Y/N, now that she was not the one teasing, pulled against Harry’s hold on her hair and clasped his face in her palms and leaned in until she found his mouth. She hummed in appreciation as she tasted his lips that were just as hungry as hers.  One taste and that was enough for Harry to want to rip every single item of clothing that she was wearing, but he managed to restrain himself because he knew that destroying that dress would displease her very much. Instead, he opted for carelessly undoing the buttons in the front and slowly every sliver of her bare skin was revealed to him. He knew that she was not wearing a bra but he was surprised to see that she had no other barrier between them after the dress was only hanging from her shoulders. Harry broke from the kiss and stared shamelessly at her exposed body on top of him as Y/N slowly stood up and let the dress become a pool of blue at the bottom of their feet.

She looked at him bashfully and once again went down on her knees for him. She was still almost close to eye level with him as she ran her hands along his hard chest and undid the buttons of his jacket, which Harry quickly discarded it somewhere in the room. Y/N stared at the light green vest that he wore and how it made his arm muscles protrude in the most delicious way as the shapes of his tattoos appeared even darker under candlelight. She decided to keep it on for now.

Next target was the big belt around his waist that she wasted no time unbuckling and pulling it down along his trousers. She stretched out to give one last kiss to his lips before settling further down on her knees, lifting his vest to reveal the valley of his stomach and the muscles defining it. Y/N marked her way south switching between feather soft kisses and hungry bites of skin while her eyes stayed entirely on his face that looked at her expectantly.

“Let me reward you for what you do for all of us,” Y/N said in a small but steady voice. Her hands ran up his firm thighs and over the prominent bulge that had formed in his black underwear. At first contact, Harry released a hiss and immediately closed his eyes.

“Please,” he exhaled.

Kissing the inside of his thighs, Y/N pulled down his boxers and freed him. Her hands were on his cock, feeling how hard he was in anticipation to her moves. The skin was silky as she gave it a testing pump. Harry’s head fell backward at the feeling and Y/N, very satisfied with his reaction, spit on the head and spread the wetness with her thumb so that her hand could slid easier over him.

“Fuck, such dirty actions from such an innocent young woman,” Harry rasped, his voice laced with lust as he looked down at her.

Y/N said nothing, but in retaliation she bit the inside of his thigh before moving up his spread legs to put him in her mouth. She hollowed her cheeks as she twirled her tongue around him, capturing the pre-cum and tasting him while giving an appreciative hum. She lowered herself on him until he hit the back of her throat while her hand slid up his thigh to connect with his balls, massaging lightly and coaxing a deep moan from Harry who felt his pleasure build at the bottom of his stomach. Y/N released him with a pop and breathed in some well-needed oxygen before wrapping her mouth back around his dick, bobbing her head in a slow tempo. She felt her eyes fill with tears at the big size of him and the fact that Harry without knowing was slowly lifting his hips to meet her every thrust making her choke around him. Harry realising her efforts to breathe stopped his movement and pulled out of her warm mouth even though he wanted to stay buried in her for hours.

However, Y/N did not mind it at all, especially if Harry continued to reward her with the deep throaty moans he released. Eager to put him back in her mouth she went to lunge forward but was stopped when Harry’s hand in her hair pulled her backwards making her let out a pathetic whimper. She looked up at him begging with her doe like eyes to use her throat as he pleased, but she stopped trying to reach him when he gave her a warning glare, which stilled her in place. Instead, Harry tapped her cheek and she dropped her mouth open and poked her tongue out. The look in his eyes was that he was trying to be careful with her and she almost scowled at it. If she had wanted careful, she would not have orchestrated all of this plot. So, when Harry placed his thumb on her awaiting tongue, she immediately closed her lips around it and sucked on it harshly.

Harry was displeased and quickly pulled his hand back leaving her pleading again. He clicked his tongue and tapped her cheek again and this time he gave a warning pull to her hair for her to obey his orders – a small reminder of who was really in charge and he felt a satisfied thrum at the fact that she obeyed him so easily. When Y/N’s tongue came into view again, Harry ran his cock over the outline of her plush lips and she summoned all the willpower she could master to stay put while her eyes silently begged him to do something. Finally, Harry placed the head of his cock on her tongue and he moaned when he saw that Y/N eyes flattered at the action.

“Such a needy lady,” he mused.

“Please,” she begged him.

“What is it baby,” he cooed and urged her to speak but he had already sank his cock deeper in her mouth feeling out the shape of it, watching in fascination the bulge forming in her cheeks. But he knew what she was pleading for, he knew her well enough to understand her looks and her moods and her stares and he knew from the endless hunger rooted in her eyes that she did not want soft, she wanted to please him.

Again he granted her wish to be desperate and without warning he slid deeper until he felt her nose graze his stomach and held her in that position for a moment – only long enough so that he could wrap a hand around her neck and feel himself fill her up to her limit. Harry pulled back and kept her in that position as he fucked her mouth slow but firmly and he almost felt himself combust from the way that Y/N’s eyes focused on him the entire time.

Y/N felt warm all over and she could feel more wetness pooling between her thighs as she got drunk at the view of him over her using her mouth to get lost in his pleasure. After another pause for her to breathe, Harry without hesitation, placed his hands under her thighs and lifted her like she weighed nothing carrying her to the bed and he really thanked his training for it. Although the muscles all over his body hurt, he managed to push the pain to the back of his head, his mind too preoccupied with the vixen wrapped around him. He laid her on the bed, but she did not stay where he left her. Y/N got up, pushing Harry’s shoulders so that he was the one falling on the bed and she crawled to him. In two quick moves he discarded the vest leaving them both completely naked under the candlelight.

“I thought about you every day, even more at night, and even more when I was alone,” Y/N continued her little game.

Harry raised his brows, because he understood the meaning behind her words and imagined her all day in their bed waiting for him while he was on set, with her greedy hands between her thighs and thinking about him. This hunger she was feeling was only a result of her being left alone in her very dirty thoughts that no amount of cold showers would cool her down and her own fingers couldn’t bring the pleasure he could.

“You have been such a good girl for me, welcoming me back home –“ he urged her to him and deliberately placing her on top of him with one leg between her thighs. She was so focused on the praise given to her that she did not notice that his thigh was right under where she needed him the most. “But how about you? Let me greet you properly.”

Y/N’s breath hitched in her throat as she soon realised their position.

“Come on baby, use me,” was all he said as he stretched his arms out to prove that he would not interfere with whatever she wanted to do.

However, the position Harry had placed her in could only amount to one thing, something that she wanted to try long ago, but had been too shy to even mention it. Y/N’s cheeks heated up as she noticed his thigh muscles tensing up giving her a better area. She bit her lip and thrusted her hips forward at an angle that his skin grazed her clit, most of her wetness coming off on him.

Harry looked more than satisfied as he heard her first moan of appreciation that was followed by many more as she used his thigh to receive pleasure. Soon Y/N got lost at the warm feeling that travelled through her veins as goosebumps scattered over her skin, she threw her head back and felt her wetness slide down Harry’s thigh and on the duvet under them, but she did not seem to care about anything apart from what his warm skin was doing to her. She jolted me she felt his hands land on her chest, firm as the fingers ran over her nipple making her shudder a bit. Y/N opened her eyes to see that Harry was already watching her, his lip between his teeth and the deep green of his eyes almost non-existent. Like he was not able to control himself he reached forwards and attached his big hands on her hips and made her movements harsher to the point where Y/N almost collapsed on him from the pleasure and gasped as she leaned in to capture Harry’s lips midway, letting his tongue enter her mouth and taste her own as she clenched her thighs.

“I am going to cum,” she warned and braced herself for the rows of pleasure that would most definitely take her breath away.

However, Harry had other plans, as he lifted her off him and smirked when he heard her whimper and tremble at the incompletion. He laid her on the bed and this time she had no energy to object. He took her right leg in his hand and placed it over his shoulder and turned his head so that he could kiss her calf. When she squirmed until one warning slap was given to the inside of her thigh, so close to her soaked centre, she stayed still.

Harry’s left fingers dragged down his left thigh and over the tiger tattoo, the place where Y/N had used him and collected the wetness she had left behind. She moaned so loud when she saw that he had popped his fingers in his mouth and sucked them dry. Then he grabbed his throbbing cock in his hand, sliding it a couple times over her folds and slowly he eased himself in her wet tight hole.

Both of them exhaled in relief at the feeling of becoming one as Harry leaned in to kiss her opened mouth.

“Harry, please,” Y/N cried out although she didn’t know what she was begging for. But Harry nevertheless seemed to give it to her.

With a hard thrust that left them both in scrambles, he picked up the rhythm, hitting that one spot inside her that had his name bouncing off her lips. Y/N arched her back as Harry’s mouth attached to her nipple, his teeth softly grazing them. The deep moans that she released were like they had awoken something feral inside him, as he straitened his back grabbing the leg on his shoulder with both hands, fingers digging into the plush skin of her thigh and she almost felt a pang when she realised that he was not wearing any rings. That did not last long, for Harry started pounding into her with a force so brutal that had her moaning under him, her body acting without her command as her other leg hit the mattress in order to buck her hips.

Harry tatted amused before he took both her legs and placed them over his hips while he was still on his knees and Y/N lifted her gaze to see the fern tattoos poking between her thighs. When he took the first thrust in that position, the angle it gave multiplied their pleasure by far and she was in awe at the deep throaty moan that he released. Harry’s hands gripped her hips so hard that she knew that in the morning she would find bruises in the shape of his fingers.

Harry felt like his hands couldn’t get enough of her and they flattered every time they stayed in one part of her body for too long. He couldn’t stop the feeling of wanting to explore her whole body in just one night. Complying to his wish, Harry ran his hands up to her sides, her breasts until they reached her open neck, begging for a hand around it. With his left hand around the delicate skin of her throat and his right hand playing with her nipple, he stared at the girl underneath him with awe in his eyes. His stare scanned her pleasure-ridden face, they way her own eyes were screwed shut, brows furrowing, but her hands blindly searched for him, wanting to be in contact with him as one of them dug in the skin of his shoulder while the other gripped the wrist around her neck and pushing it further.

“Open your eyes for me baby, let me see those eyes that I missed,” Harry commanded desperate to catch her gaze.

Her hairline had gathered bids of sweat and she whined at his words, but in the end, although with difficulty, Y/N managed to open her eyes meeting his intense stare. Her mouth let airy moans free every time that his hips rolled forwards to meet her own.

“You feel so fucking amazing love,” he moaned in the space between them and raised her body so that she was stranding his lap. Y/N cried out at the prospect of being separated from him even for a second, but Harry managed to remain inside her, his pride swelling at the reaction of his lover.

“You love it when I am this deep in you,” he continued and Y/N felt like she had lost the ability to talk.

“It’s okay sweetheart because you know I love it too,” Harry soothed her back as she set a rhythm riding him.

“I can always feel you so deep Harry, so deep, all the way to my tummy,” she managed to croak out and dragged his hand to the place she felt him the most. Harry groaned at her filthy words, barely holding it together as he buried his face in her neck, biting where her pulse beat like a hummingbird.

“It doesn’t matter how much time has passed since I last fucked you, I can always remember how you feel, baby,” his voice was like velvet in her ears and she found herself going fasted at his words.

“I can always feel you for days when you are like this,” Y/N whispered in his ear, a few curls tickling her face.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” Harry bragged and she swore that she could almost hear the smirk on his lips they way she heard the wet noises their skin made when it collided as it bounced off the walls along with the groans he released because of her. For a few moments she focused solely on that and how dirty and raw and passionate it felt, and it was enough to drive her out of her mind.

“Harry,” Y/N warned the pressure in her lower stomach like a knot begging for release.

“I know,” he replied, letting his hand down to where they were connected and rubbed small circles on the small bundle of nerves.

Her thrusts were becoming sloppy and it took all of Harry’s concentration or at least what was left of it since he could feel her clenching around him, to keep them up. He latched his mouth on her nipple, the other hand around her waist to guide himself harder into her as she finally found her high with a gasp, almost like she couldn’t believe the power of it. After a few seconds, she was trembling in his arms and tried to shut her legs further to get Harry’s hand of her overstimulated part. Harry ignored her and continued stroking her, prying those thighs apart as he watched himself get lost into her. Y/N cried out and off her tongue rolled Harry’s name time and time again.

So close to his own high, Harry got lost in her moans and became more aware of her presence on him. The way her hands pulled on the strands of his hair hard like they were the anchor that kept her from falling to pieces and the way her shallow breaths hit his face as she calmed down from her orgasm while also being aware of him pounding into her still, the way she clenched her legs around him and she opened her eyes again, begging could be seen in them but this time it was not for her own finish but for his. Harry felt overwhelmed from all the senses and was so close it was painful.

“Please cum for me baby, please cum inside me,” Y/N whimpered in her soft voice and that was all he needed before he spilled in her, short desperate thrusts as he rested his head on her collarbone, taking in her vanilla perfume and felt her arms wrapping around his neck holding him impossibly close while ripple after ripple of pleasure took over his body. His thrusting stopped and Harry felt spent as he tried to regulate his breathing back to normal.

Harry gathered Y/N in his arms and laid her carefully on the bed after removing himself from inside her even though she whimpered due to sensitivity and he took the place right next to her. They faced each other, their breaths mixing together as they relaxed in each other’s presence. Harry raised a hand to push away the hairs getting in Y/N’s face and she hummed in appreciation.

“God, I barely remember what year we have,” she frowned and opened her eyes at the sound of his laughter.

“I do believe that it is 1940,” he mused and her face regained a rosy colour at the game long forgotten.

“I… You don’t have to pretend anymore,” she whispered trying to avoid his gaze.

Harry head turned in question. “Pretend what? I am only a soldier coming back from the battlefield to make love to the woman I love.”

Y/N blushed.

“Because it seems she holds a deep fascination for men in army apparel,” Harry continued and smirked when she mumbled something under her breath.

“What was that sweetheart?” he asked and when he received no answer he dipped his hand between her thighs hissing at the wetness of her mixing with his release as he plunged two fingers in her.

Y/N yelped, “Not every man, just you,” she confessed and Harry satisfied moved his fingers lazily.

“Although I appreciate the welcome home, you have not offered me anything to eat,” he frowned and he knew that if it wasn’t for his fingers pinning her down she would have leaped up to order him something to eat.

“What would you like?” Y/N asked with difficulty because of the sensation he caused her.

“Well I see that you have a whole feast here already waiting for me,” he retorted and pulled his fingers away.

At her confused gaze, Harry whispered hotly in her ear, “Although I could never forget how tight you feel around me love, nothing really reminds me of the way your pussy taste under me,”

And with that, he pushed her legs open and dived between then before she could even atter a word of surprise.  

#harry styles blurb #harry styles #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles x reader #harry styles smut #harry styles fanfiction #Dunkirk!Harry #Harry styles in dunkirk #Harry styles kink

[ggukkiedae]

❝𝕝𝕦𝕣𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘❞

𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜:

⇢ hannah is a little unsettled in her new dorm, and she founds our why in the least conventional way

⇢ set in december 2017

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜:

⇢ sasaeng, attempted murder and kidnapping

𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜:

⇢ conversations written in italics are spoken in english, bold is a language not korean or english. in this case, bold is chinese. requests and feedback are highly appreciated!

Hannah loved her dorm, that was for sure, but she couldn’t help feeling something was off.

She didn’t like how sometimes she and Mark would come home from a schedule, and they’d find doors or cupboards open. She didn’t like how sometimes she’d find her clothes in a different area than she remembered. Most of all, she didn’t like it whenever manager Kihyun opened her bedroom door at night to check if she was asleep. She knew his job was to keep her from sneaking out or doing something that would take a toll on her as a person and as an idol, but she liked her privacy and order.

She didn’t bring this up with him, though. Who was she to complain about this. Not only did she get a pretty big dorm, but she also got her own room. She wanted to show how grateful she was and to not appear like a spoiled brat.

But this was why she liked having Jisung or Chenle sleep over. Manager Kihyun would never check on her in the middle of the night because he knew that Hannah mothered the two maknaes and made sure they were asleep with her by 11 in the evening at the latest. There was peace, and she wouldn’t wake up to the sound of her manager checking on her then apologizing for waking her. Well, sometimes he apologized.

“Hey, meimei,” Lucas bumped her shoulder to bring her out of her thoughts, “breaktime is almost over. What are you thinking about? What?”

She laughed as he slung his arm around her shoulder, pinching her cheek with his free hand. “Nothing much. He and Kihyun oppa just keep messing with my stuff and the doors back at home.”

“Excuse me,” Mark look offended as the younger girl pointed at him accusingly. “I keep my things neat, and so does Kihyun hyung. Don’t think we don’t notice you leaving the kitchen cupboards open all the time.”

“I do not,” she defended herself before looking at Mark in confusion. “Wait, I thought that was Kihyun oppa?”

Mark snorted while he and Lucas pulled her back towards the rest of the Boss unit. “Please, Hannah. Only you use the kitchen. Kihyun hyung likes ordering, and I can’t cook to save my life.”

“Got that right,” Lucas poked Mark’s shoulder.

“Yah!”

The two 99 liners went off, play fighting and arguing about who the worse cook is. Hannah just tilted her head in confusion. Mark was right. Aside from pulling her out of there, doing dishes, or getting a taste of what she was preparing, Mark and her manager never entered the kitchen.

Did they have a dorm ghost?

She shrugged. If they did have a dorm ghost, that would just nean the NCT 2018 project would be a success.

“Haeeun-ah, let’s go!”

“Coming, oppa!” She quickly jogged over to their starting position where Taeyong, who had called her over, ruffled her hair.

“Got a lot of thoughts, Princess?” Jaehyun asked her.

She smiled up at him and shook her head. “Nope. Nothing going on in there.”

With that, they began their practice once again.

She could hear the beeping of her front door.

Hannah didn’t get up from bed. She already knew it was Jisung. He sometimes would come over without a warning just to sleep next to her. True enough, her door opened, and Jisung’s curious head popped in. She smiled and patted the spot next to her for the you ger boy to take. He rushed in as if something was chasing him. She laughed as he rushed under her blanket, immediately clinging on to her and burying his head in her neck.

“What’s got you so worked up, Sungie?” She ruffled his hair with a chuckle.

“I got scared,” she could practically hear the pout in his voice. “I saw someone standing outside your door. Well, they were walking down the hallway, but still!”

Hannah sighed and patted Jisung’s back. “Did you walk here alone again? You know I only want you to come here if you’re with a manager or one of the older members if you want to visit at late night.”

“Sorry, noona,” he apologized.

Hannah just clicked her tongue and encouraged him to sleep. She eventually fell asleep while stroking his hair.

But it wasn’t a straight sleep.

She woke up to the sound of her bedroom door opening. She let out a quiet groan. Why was manager Kihyun checking on her when Jisung was with her? She lifted her head up slightly to address her manager, but he just closed the door before she could see him. She looked at the door in confusion before shrugging. He must have seen Jisung right away and backed out of the room.

The keypad beeped to alert her that someone left the dorm. She was even more confused. Where was he going?

She decided to confront him about it during breakfast the next day.

“Good morning, oppa,” she greeted from the kitchen as he walked out of his shared room with Mark, “I’m surprised to see you awake early. Where did you go last night?”

“What do you mean?” he asked while she placed some waffles in front of him. “Oh, this looks good, Hannah.”

“Thanks,” she sat across from him on their dining table, “and last night? After you checked on me? I heard you leave the dorm after that.”

“You must have been dreaming,” he told her. “I heard Jisung come in yesterday, so I didn’t check in on you anymore. I went straight to sleep.”

“Dreaming, huh?” she pondered to herself. She felt like she was awake, though. She shook her head and went to wake up Mark and Jisung. Maybe she was just hallucinating because of how tired she was.

“You’re literally going insane,” Renjun laughed as soon as she finished telling her story. He then proceeded to make a fake thinking face. “Maybe we should send you to an asylum.”

“You know, you were nicer to me when you were ignoring me.”

Renjun shrugged, making her roll her eyes at him. The rest of the dreamies laughed at the two’s interaction.

“No, wait,” Mark suddenly straightened up, “A few days ago, I woke up because there was noise in the kitchen. I thought you were up making a midnight snack.”

“I don’t cook during the ass crack of dawn,” she raised an eyebrow. “Hey, what if this means there’s a ghost in our dorm?”

There was a look of doubt on all of the boys’ faces. She frowned. Did they really think she was crazy? They all knew that she and Mark have been seeing weird stuff in the dorm, and she has told them about how sometimes she felt really unsettled whenever she was there on the couch or in her kitchen. Sometimes even by the window of their dorm. She felt paranoid.

“If it’s a ghost,” Haechan began, “then that’s good, right? That means our album will be a big hit!”

“That’s what I thought, too.”

There was a silent whine that brought everyone’s attention to their maknae. Jisung turned to Hannah with wide eyes as if he just realized something.

“Noona, what if the person I saw in the hallway is a bad person making you feel like this?”

Chenle snorted. “Jisung has a wild imagination.”

“I’m sure that isn’t the case, Sungie,” she reached up to pat his head. “The security in the building is high, and other people live there as well. It was probably just one of our neighbors.”

Jisung adjusted himself so he had his arms wrapped around her waist and chin on her shoulder. “Still. Now I don’t want to go to your dorm alone.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling you for the past two months!” Hannah lightly patted his knee before turning to Jeno. “You’re on Jisung duty if he wants to come to my place late at night.”

“I’m Jisung’s parent, though,” Jaemin cut in. “Shouldn’t I be on Jisung duty.

Hannah gave Jaemin a look. “Do you really think I’m gonna take even a second of your rest away from you? I want your back as healthy and painless as possible.”

Jaemin rolled his eyes but reached forward to pinch her cheek. “Stop trying to baby me, you know I’m older than you.”

She gave a deep sigh and pried Jisung’s arms off of her then pushed Jaemin’s hand away. Mark chuckled and stood up.

“Alright,” he called out, “let’s take it from when everyone drops to the ground again.”

She got back to the dorm exhausted. Not only did she have practice for Go, but she also had practice for Touch and Baby Don’t Stop. She was already dreading starting the next day off with Boss.

“Long day?” Mark asked her from the couch.

“Don’t get me started,” she walked right into her room, no intention of doing anything but sleeping. “Can you wake me up tomorrow? I don’t wanna use an alarm.”

Hearing Mark’s hum of affirmation, she thanked him and went straight into her bathroom. She wanted to get into bed as soon as possible.

And she did. She was knocked out the moment her head hit her pillows. The amount of dancing she had done in one day had exhausted her way past the point of drying her hair before falling asleep.

She didn’t dream at all. It was pure blackness, and time seemed stretched out. That’s why she felt like she was asleep for such a long time and such a short time when she woke up to someone sitting on the side of her bed.

“Dude,” she mumbled, “I’m pretty sure it isn’t seven in the morning yet.”

“I’m not Mark oppa,” a teasing feminine voice whispered.

Hannah’s eyes snapped open as a weight draped across her stomach. A strange girl had broken into her room and straddled her stomach, making breathing hard for her.

“Who are you?” Hannah asked, trying to inconspicuously reach her phone. She had Mark on speed dial. Maybe she could wake him up.

“Doesn’t matter,” the girl leaned down just as Hannah grabbed her phone. She quickly called Mark (thank god she had him on speed dial) and tried to get up. The girl pushed her down, resting her hands on Hannah’s throat. “I don’t appreciate you living with my Mark oppa. I actually don’t appreciate you being close to him at all.”

With each word, the grip on her throat got tighter. Hannah tried to calm herself, but the lack of air was making it hard. She could feel tears prickling her eyes from the pain as she tried gasping to inhale as much as possible. The girl sitting on top of her had a sadistic grin on her face as her hair draped down, curtaining around their heads. Why wasn’t Mark picking up?

The ringing of his phone brought Mark out of his sleep. He groaned and blindly reached for the phone on his desk. While doing so, he accidentally pressed the red button to cancel the call, but he still checked the caller ID. Why was Hannah calling him at 3 in the morning? He shook his head placed his phone back on the desk and closed his eyes. It was probably nothing. Maybe she was just scared because of that horror film they watched with the Boss unit during their break.

Mark’s eyes flew open in realization.

“She doesn’t get scared,” he muttered before turning in the direction of her room and talking loud enough for her to hear him. “Hannah? Are you okay? Why’d you call?”

He heard nothing from her room. Maybe she accidentally called him in her sleep? Mark shook his head. That couldn’t be it. Hannah doesn’t do things like that in her sleep, and that made Mark worry. He got out of bed and shook her manager awake.

“Hyung, I think there’s something wrong with Hannah.”

“Mark?” The older man opened one eye groggily before waving his hand dismissively. “I’m sure she’s fine. I checked on her earlier. She’s sleeping soundly.”

“Hyung, please,” Mark said a little louder while pulling the manager to sit up. “I genuinely think somethings wrong.”

Manager Kihyun rubbed his eyes and got out of bed. “Alright, you stay here. I’ll go check on her. Again.”

“Hannah?” Mark’s voice called through the walls. “Are you okay? Why’d you call?”

The girl’s eyes widened as she heard Mark’s voice. She immediately got up, resulting in Hannah sitting up and gasping for air. She inhaled quite loudly.

“You called him?” The girl was angry. Hannah, for the first time in a long time, felt a sense of genuine fear flood her senses as the girl pulled her up by the hair and towards her window which, of you were skilled enough, you could climb out of and hop onto the fire escape. It wasn’t something Hannah thought she could do in that state. “Get up. We’re leaving. No way am I letting you stay here.”

“Hannah, could you please tell Mark that you’re fine so I can go back to sle— Hannah!”

Her bedroom door opened, manager Kihyun walking in and seeing the whole situation. The girl’s grip on Hannah’s hair tightened as she pulled harder to make Hannah go faster. Kihyun managed to stop her, though, grabbing the girl by the arms and dragging her out of the room.

“Fuck you! You don’t get to live with my Mark oppa! Only I can do that, you bitch!” The girl was practically screeching as manager Kihyun dragged her out of the room.

It all happened too fast.

Hannah sank to the ground in shock. She could hear manager Kihyun telling Mark to call one of the older members while he brought the girl down to the building’s security. She picked up on the footsteps making their way to her room. Out of fear, she curled up into a ball, pressing herself to the corner where her bed met the wall just as a figure appeared at her door.

“Hans?”

She recognized that voice. It was Mark. It was someone she knew. It was someone she could trust. Someone who wouldn’t hurt her.

“No, don’t cry,” he carefully approached her as if waiting for her approval for him to touch her. Cry? She didn’t even realize she was crying until she felt the wetness on her cheeks. She gave the slightest of nods. “Kihyun hyung got that psycho, okay? You’re safe. We’re upping the security from now on, it’s alright.”

Mark wiped her tears away and brought her over to his room. She was grateful for that. She didn’t want to sit in the room she was assaulted in.

“Hey, I’m gonna call Taeyong hyung,” He told her after pulling his blanket up to her chin. “I’m gonna tell him what happened, and you’re getting out of practice today. That sound good?”

From exhaustion of the situation, she could only nod. Her mind was barely processing anything, but she understood that. She almost panicked when Mark stood from the bed. She grabbed his shirt, making him worriedly look at her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Oppa, can you stay?” she asked him in a quiet voice. She looked down, avoiding eye contact. She hated showing her vulnerable side, but she did not want to be sleeping alone. “Please? I don’t wanna be alone.”

The use of the honorific she practically never used with him told Mark just how distraught she was. He nodded and got into bed next to her. She pulled him so that there was no space between her, the wall, and him. Mark sighed as he pulled out his phone and dialled Taeyong’s number. He made a mental note to talk to manager Kihyun about letting him room with Hannah. He had a feeling she’d be like this for a long time.

“Mark? Why are you calling? It’s three in the morning.”

“Hyung,” Mark began, feeling Hannah’s body tense a little bit, “it’s Hannah.”

Taeyong silently cursed as soon as he hung up the phone with Mark.

Hannah was attacked in her sleep? And in her own bed, too? He needed to get to her as soon as possible. It didn’t matter that it was in the middle of ungodly hours or that they have training the next morning. In fact, he made a quick mental note to call their managers to cancel training for a while.

“Taeyong-ah, what are you doing?” Johnny called from his bed. The Chicago-born 95 liner sat up in his bed and watched while Taeyong speedily got ready.

“Get up,” the leader instructed. “We’re going to Haeeun’s.”

Johnny’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Hannah? Is she sick?”

“Sasaeng.” Taeyong’s eyes narrowed as he said that. “Wake up the others. Wake up the others and tell them to go to the Dreamies and Ten. Get Yuta to pick up Kun, Lucas, and Jungwoo and take them to the Dream dorm, too. I want everyone safe and together. You and I are gonna go to Haeeun and Mark to make sure they’re okay.”

Johnny was already out of bed with a hoodie on and halfway out the door by the time Taeyong finished his instructions. The taller man shook his head in worry as he headed to Taeil and Yuta’s room first. His mind was clouded with worry while his body robotically woke everyone up and told them to go to the living room. What did Taeyong mean by sasaeng?

Johnny shook his head. He would find out shortly, anyway. He hovered a little over Donghyuck’s body in hesitance. The younger would definitely insist on going with him and Taeyong when it comes to Hannah’s well-being. He sighed and woke Haechan up.

“We’ve got a situation, Haechannie. Go to the living room, you may want to be seated for this.”

She woke up later that day to familiar humming and someone tracing circles on her arm. Her eyes opened to find the familiar face of Haechan, smiling at her but with worry clear in his eyes.

“You’re awake,” he smiled, “everyone’s out in the living room right now. They’re worried sick. I’m pretty sure Johnny hyung and Doyoung hyung would have ended up yelling at management if Taeyong hyung didn’t take the phone from them.”

Oh. She made everyone worry. Just great. It was exactly what she didn’t want, but it happened.. She sighed while mentally preparing herself. She needed to make herself seem unfazed so they wouldn’t worry.

She closed her eyes again and nestled closer to Haechan. No matter how much she avoided too much affection, she never could with Haechan. He was a warn and comforting presence that understood her pretty well. Twin flames. The smallest of smiles made its way onto her face as she remembered that while Haechan wrapped an arm around her in a hug.

“You don’t have to go outside just yet,” he reassured her. “I know you’re still a little shocked and not ready to face everyone, but they’ll be right there in the living room waiting for you. Taeyong hyung cancelled practice until the weekend, so we have four days off.”

“I’m sorry,” she coughed out. The effects of being choked was starting to surface.

Haechan gently sat her up and handed her a glass of water. “You don’t have to be sorry. It isn’t your fault.”

“You guys are missing practice days because of me,” she mumbled as soon as she finished drinking. Haechan brought the glass back to her lips.

“Finish until half the glass, yeah?” He held the glass for her while she drank more. “It’s fine. We all needed a break anyway. I’m pretty sure Mark hyung and Taeyong hyung would have gone crazy with the amount of practices they have pretty soon.”

She lightly pushed the glass away from her lips and lied back down, Haechan following in suit after putting the glass on the desk.

“Are you hungry?” he asked her. “Kun hyung cooked some food, but he also ordered Chinese if ever you want to eat. Should I ask them to bring some food in?”

She nodded. She could use some of the comfort from Kun’s cooking. She watched Haechan type some things into his phone and roll his eyes before tucking his phone away.

“Kun hyung’s bringing you food, but ChenJi are coming in here as well. I think everyone’s gonna take turns coming in here to see you so you don’t get overwhelmed by 18 boys at once.”

Then there was a knock on the door. Kun popped his head in with a smile before pushing the door further open and walking in. Chenle and Jisung were both quick to follow, worried looks on their faces.

“Out,” Chenle pulled at Haechan’s arm before climbing over the older boy and settling himself next to Hannah. With a grumble, Haechan sat up, leaning against Mark’s bed frame. Hannah sat up as well, and Jisung took the spot on her other side. Kun sat in front of her, a bowl with rice and sweet and sour pork in his hand.

“Look at you, all unkempt,” Kun chuckled a little while raising a hand to fix her hair.

She flinched.

Thoughts of how the girl from the previous night pulled her hair to try and drag her out the window took over. Chenle and Jisung felt the way she flinched. It was almost as if she wanted to run away. Kun gave her an apologetic look and rested a hand on her knee while Chenle nuzzled his face into her neck. She instinctively raised her chin to not make the younger uncomfortable.

That’s when Jisung saw the purple marks on her throat. The maknae did not believe that Hannah was choked when they first told him. How could anyone want to do something so cruel and disgusting to his noona? The same noona that tires herself endlessly to show everyone the best version of herself and take care of the other members. But the bruises stood clear against her pale skin, and he hated it. He looked up at Kun, who shook his head at the younger to keep him from bringing it up.

Haechan leaned over Chenle and pressed a kiss to the top of Hannah’s head. “I’ll be back in a bit, Haeeunnie.”

Haechan left the room, no doubt to tell the other members what not to do when they got to come in and see her.

“Sorry for flinching,” she apologized to Kun while reaching out to take the bowl and the spoon. Kun held it away from her.

“No need to be sorry,” he reassured her while putting some rice and a piece of meat on the spoon, “and let your Kun baba take care of you, okay? If not for your sake, then for mine and the rest of ours.”

She could feel Chenle nodding into her neck while Jisung reached down to clasp her hand with his. She smiled a little at Kun referring to himself as her baba. He only ever acknowledged it out loud sometimes, so this was a treat for her to hear. Kun lifted the spoon to her mouth with an expectant smile. She looked at him. He knew she didn’t really like being fed or just babied in general, but the worried look in his eyes made her relent. She opened her mouth and leaned forward to take the food, making Kun relax a lot more evidently.

Time went by quickly that day. Jungwoo came in with the 127 members. She was smothered in hugs by the older members as well as Doyoung and Taeyong checking over her.

“Aigoo, our new maknae,” Doyoung had worriedly looked her over. “We can’t have you hurt. The security did a shit job considering this happened, but don’t worry because we’ll strengthen up that security. We just got rid of Haechan as maknae, and we can’t lose that.”

She had just snorted at that and looked at Winwin. “Gege, is he always like this?”

“More often than not, but you get used to it,” Winwin laughed. He patted her knee fondly, leaving the rest of the 127 boys in confusion about what they said.

Lucas and Ten had come in with the rest of the dreamies, and that was an interesting situation.

“Huanuo,” Lucas had burst into the room first, “are you alright? Do I need to fight anyone?”

Before she could open her mouth, Ten spoke. “My baby! You shouldn’t have had to go through that!”

“Not your baby.”

She made eye contact with Jaemin who shook his head and settled next to her. She leaned her head on his shoulder.

“Now both of us can lie down in bed all day and do nothing,” he chuckled. She rolled her eyes at him but laughed a little.

It took a whole hour before the Older members were able to get the dreamies, Lucas, and Ten out of the room. In fact, Johnny, Doyoung, and Jaehyun had to physically tug Haechan, Jaemin, and Jeno out of the room. Taeyong had stayed back, though. He stood by the doorframe, some of her clothes in his hand.

“Put these on,” he instructed her. “We’re going to that restaurant that you, Mark, and Hyuck always had ramen in back when you guys were trainees.”

“All of a sudden?”

“I just wanna talk to you,” Taeyong smiled. “You know, leader to maknae, oppa to little sister.”

“Alright.”

She watched Taeyong place the clothes on the bed and leave the room. She silently gave herself a mini pep talk before finally getting out of bed and getting dressed. As soon as she exited the room, Taeyong smiled at her and approached with a scarf.

“Can’t have you freezing,” he gently wrapped the scarf around her neck, which she felt grateful for since it covered the bruises, then held his hand out. “Let’s go.”

The walk to the small ramen place was silent. Hannah was sticking a lot closer to Taeyong’s side, a little more wary about the people around her. Taeyong had taken notice just a few steps away from the building of her dorm, so he had draped his arm around her shoulders, with permission.

She eventually found herself sitting across from her leader with a steaming bowl of ramen in front of each of them and a large serving of salad for them to share. She noted how Taeyong was removing the carrots from the salad and putting them on a separate plate, just like she would.

“I didn’t know you didn’t like carrots.”

“I do like carrots,” he smiled at her, “but you don’t. Eat up, Haeeun-ah. You didn’t finish what Kun brought for you a while ago.”

She gave Taeyong a small smile and picked up her chopsticks. She didn’t tell them, but it hurt her whenever she swallowed. That’s why she didn’t finish her food earlier. But Taeyong was doing so much and looking into all the little things to make her comfortable, and she didn’t want to disappoint.

She had a bite of the ramen. It hurt, but the grin on Taeyong’s face made it worth it.

“You have to tell me,” Taeyong started as he dug into his own ramen, “and I want you to be completely honest, okay?”

She felt small. Taeyong was talking to her in both a serious and gentle tone, almost as if he were talking to a child. She hadn’t heard that tone of voice since she was eleven. It felt strange. She was so used to taking care of the other dreamies, Chenle and Jisung especially, but she wasn’t used to being taken care of. She inwardly scoffed. Recent events both within and outside the group are starting to try and change that.

“Will you be fine sleeping on your own?” Taeyong asked her. “Mark is moving his bed into your room as we speak, so you two will be roommates, but will you be fine in bed on your own?”

Her right hand went up to her lips, picking at the skin while her left hand spun the spoon around her bowl absentmindedly. To be honest, she knew it would be hard for her. If what happened with Mark earlier that morning were any indication, then, no, she wouldn’t be fine. But she didn’t want to tell the others. That would make her vulnerable. She hated being vulnerable.

Taeyong reached across the table and pulled her hand away from her lips. “I know you put on a strong front a while ago in front of everyone, but this is a traumatizing event, Haeeun-ah. It’s okay to feel vulnerable every now and then, alright. It’s okay to want help.”

“Yeah,” she muttered under her breath before taking a deep breath and speaking louder, “I mean, I don’t think I’ll be okay. I had to ask Mark to stay beside me when I went back to sleep this morning.”

“We saw,” Taeyong stroked her hair once. “I’m pretty sure you would have woken up when Mark got up from the bed if it weren’t for Haechannie getting in with you. But I’m glad you can tell me that.”

“Can we not tell anyone else?” Her cheeks were red as she mixed her ramen around. “I don’t want everyone to worry.”

“Let’s make a deal,” Taeyong told her. “I’ll keep it a secret from everyone except Mark, but you let me sleep next to you until we get that restraining order and strengthen security or until you’ll be fine sleeping without someone right next to you. Whichever you prefer, alright? You can blame it on me being paranoid all you want.”

“I guess Mark would eventually find out because we’re gonna be roommates now,” she trailed off. “Okay, deal. I promise, I won't bother you too long.”

“It won’t be a bother, trust me,” Taeyong laughed. “You don’t know how much the 127 boys are trying their best to get affection from you. I can brag about this.”

#nct 24th member #nct dream 8th member #nct female member #nct female addition #hannah #lee hannah

[imbellarosa]

Let’s Talk Calm-ly about Two Loves

OR: When you’re a grown man who writes stories for a living, you definitely wrote your own weird bedtime story, too. 

The TLDR here is that H has taken one specific listener around the globe, notably to Tokyo and Jamaica. He quotes an old Victorian Poet who was an awful human but who’s lasting legacy is the phrase “a love that dare not speak its name” which is - you guessed it - a reference to queer love. He also is super excited to spend what seems like the foreseeable future with this listener and has bought a little house with a garden of daisies with them and it’s very sweet and domestic. Anyways this is a wild time and it’s all under a cut because it’s...really a lot. 

Anyways I think the people I owe thank yous this times around to are @queenlokibeth​ who had to listen to me scream about this for a while, Astrid, who screamed with me when this came out, and “M” who convinced me to finally get to work in this fandom. And, of course, all of the lovely people tagged below who’s work I used to build my argument. 

1.) Who Wrote “Dream With Me”? 

Well, not H, or so the story goes. Two other people (Steve Cleverly and Sanj Sen) did! I mean, right, okay, for a while I was like...that seems like an odd choice for a man who didn’t want to hand Two Ghosts over to his own band because it seemed too personal. He wrote on every song in both albums’ he’s released thus far, because he seems to be passionate about telling the stories he wants to tell (even if he won’t tell you explicitly what they’re about). But for a while, I was totally going with the flow there, and the rest of this analysis would still stand: the writer of this story definitely referenced a poem by Lord Alfred Douglas and Harry’s own songs. 

However, I then read this fun quote from the Co-founder and CEO of Calm: 

“Well,” he said, “The the Harry Styles one is interesting because that came purely from Harry Styles himself...we took the approach of creating a sort of musical epic poem – he doesn’t sing, it’s spoken with poetry, but there’s a sort of musical sound bed to it and it’s pulling on things and themes that Harry’s fans really adore about him and associate with him. So his story was driven really by him – we really created a concept around him.” 

-  Chris Advansun, July 7th, 2020 via @hlupdate​

And I thought, hmmm. This does not sound like a project that he was not involved in creating. From this point on (July, 7th 2020), I began to think of it as a three way co-collaboration between him and the other two authors. But this confused me a bit, because there was largely a nonreaction from the fandom. I was waiting for an actual transcript, because I always fall asleep to these meditation stories, but it was being referenced to as some sort of Y/N fic, which was...honestly not what I expected, but also not implausible, thanks to the ~lovely~ image this man has had since the age of sixteen. But also, twitter seemed to be concerned by other things at the moment, and no one was analyzing the story. . 

In fact, I messaged a friend the day that this story dropped, because it had been kind of a shit show day on Twitter. Rumors were sort of flying about everyone and everything: had Liam shaved his head? Was he engaged? Had he and Maya broken up? Were Zayn and Gigi engaged? Had they broken up? Did Niall have a girlfriend? (this one was true lol). Were Elounor engaged? Were they pregnant? Had they broken up??? My personal fav was the bald Liam rumor, which he promptly put to rest in LP Act 1 by...having a huge mane of hair. 

So then I thought - huh. Why has today looked like this? I’m not saying that there aren’t days that twitter goes wild because of boredom, because there definitely is - the articles about secret meetings in Italy that are coming out this week (8/12/2020) are proof positive. So that definitely does happen, but it doesn’t usually happen on the days that there’s a lot of content. And maybe I’ve just been starved for content in this fandom, but I would consider a 40 minute video quite a bit of content. 

Then the transcript dropped. I’m using two as references - this one on Wattpad and also @carl-and-pearl ‘s version here (thank you so much for the transcript!!). We’re going to get into a more detailed description of what’s going on in the story, but the first thing I recognized immediately is that it was first person POV. I knew that going in, based on the number of Y/N jokes going around on twitter. Then I read it aloud, and I realized that it read like a letter. Like an experience specific to the writer and the reader. And while that’s not super uncommon to write about an experience from the author’s POV - I listen to a podcast called Nothing Much Happens: bedtime stories for adults which has a similar concept - I thought it was odd that they were trying to include both the author and the listener. I completely understood why the y/n jokes were pertinent. But at the same time, it felt like something had snagged in my mind - like a particularly annoying splinter. 

The conversations I was having around this story - completely based on the content, concept, and my own instinct - was that this story contained specific references to one person. I thought that it did read like a love letter, and that most identifying features would have been taken out, but the essence remained. Which, once I thought about it, was something that H excelled at doing. Think about Sunflower Vol 6 and Adore You and Canyon Moon and even Watermelon Sugar and Golden.  Ask yourself, What do I know about the person they are about? They have skin that browns, they have a secret, they have mesmerizing eyes, they’re willing to dance in the kitchen with him (to dancehall), they have a belly, they’ve been through hard times, they’re witty, they have an accent, and they have lips. I know - super specific right?

So the splinter grew into a thorn - what was I missing? And then - when I was looking for something completely different - I stumbled upon this old interview Harry did with Zach Sang and the Gang Show back in 2017.  For context, he was being asked about Sweet Creature. As you can imagine, it’s hard for people to believe he wrote such a beautiful love song when he hadn’t ever really had a long term relationship (two hearts in one home?? Who did you move in with, you can imagine them asking. When did you have time?). So what did he have to say about this?

"In my opinion,” he explained, “I think most songs are written for one listener. Maybe there's one thing in there that only they'll notice about them.... It's so much easier to say something in a song than it is to say it to someone and I think it's really amazing to be able to communicate through that and be able to wrap up everything that you want to say in three and a half minutes and say it in a song."

- HS, May 3 2017

By this time, please believe that I was screeching. Seeing this felt like he put into words the exact feeling I had about “Dream With Me”. It felt like a nod to someone that I didn’t know, which made the story hard to listen to, tbh. Although, I will say that when I did finally listen to it, it knocked me out and gave me odd dreams so. Once was enough for me haha! 

So my new operating theory is exactly what Advansun said: I think that H was the primary writer/the driving force behind the story. Because of the references I’m about to run through, because it feels like the way he tells stories, and because they admitted to him being more involved than they originally claimed. That’s going to be how I write the rest of the analysis - under the impression that H had a direct hand in the story that was being put forth. However, I think that the analysis itself would stand whether or not he wrote any of it. It would just be a more tenuous reflection of him than I believe it to be. 

2.) How Do I Love Thee? In Two Ways. 

Before I jump into the story, let’s talk a little about the poem that I want to compare it to: Two Loves, by Lord Alfred Douglas.  Let’s be clear this is not at all a defense of who Bosie was - he was a terrible person, particularly in his later years, when he’d converted to Catholicism and turned his back on his younger self, and his partner, Oscar Wilde. He was violently anti-Semitic, and turned his back on his own community. I want to get this out of the way because I very much believe that we should examine artists for who they are. That is, after all, what I am trying to do here. 

But his poem Two Loves has often been used - much to his disappointment, I’m sure - as an exploration of queer love in Victorian times. A line that I will be exploring more deeply in a second was in fact used against Oscar Wilde in his trail for indecency . He attempted - unsuccessfully - to explain it away, but it was too blatantly about their relationship for even the British Victorian society to ignore. I really, really recommend a read of this poem, because it is - despite it’s author - a good piece of work, which explores the themes of shame and love and longing between two men in that time. 

I’m going to start with my own background, as someone who’s analyzed fandoms before. I first came across this poem in the Sherlock fandom, with this analysis by @the-7-percent-solution​, when I was running in that fandom, and she explains the poem brilliantly in just a few lines. I’m going to take a little longer to run through it, but if you want a concise explanation and a brilliant meta, I encourage you to run to their blog and check it out. That fandom taught me most everything I know about catching symbols and recurring themes and “clueing for looks” and I love it desperately, still. 

But we’re here to talk about this fandom, so on with the poem! Essentially, the poem outlines a dream the speaker had: In his dream, he’s standing in a field with flowers - beautiful ones of all kind - and he meets this young man with clear blue eyes and bright red lips and they kiss a bit and have a picnic, and it’s all lovely. If you think I’m kidding, I’m really not. Please, read it for yourself. 

Anyways, after they did they did the whole picnic thing, the speaker and his date go on a walk in this field, where they come across two figures. The first is described as, 

“...fair and blooming, and a sweet refrain Came from his lips; he sang of pretty maids And joyous love of comely girl and boy, His eyes were bright, and 'mid the dancing blades Of golden grass his feet did trip for joy; And in his hand he held an ivory lute With strings of gold that were as maidens' hair, And sang with voice as tuneful as a flute, And round his neck three chains of roses were.” 

- Two Loves, 1894

The speaker, however, was drawn to the second figure: 

“He was full sad and sweet, and his large eyes Were strange with wondrous brightness, staring wide With gazing; and he sighed with many sighs That moved me, and his cheeks were wan and white Like pallid lilies, and his lips were red Like poppies, and his hands he clenched tight, And yet again unclenched, and his head Was wreathed with moon-flowers pale as lips of death. A purple robe he wore, o'erwrought in gold With the device of a great snake, whose breath Was fiery flame..”

- Two Loves, 1984

Of course, the speaker immediately asks the second man who he is. The second man says, “My name is Love”. The first man corrects him quickly: 

“ He lieth, for his name is Shame, But I am Love, and I was wont to be Alone in this fair garden, till he came Unasked by night; I am true Love, I fill The hearts of boy and girl with mutual flame.”

-Two Loves, 1984

The second man sighs and acquiesces, “Have thy will. I am the love that dare not speak its name.” 

It was, of course, this last line that really gave the meaning of the poem away. It was the line that was put to Oscar Wilde as proof of a romantic relationship, it was the line that went down in history as a way to refer to queer love, and it was the line that first stuck out to me when I was reading “Dream With Me”. 

The reading here is clearly that “Love” is the love that is acceptable to society - easy, sweet, and cherished. “Shame” is the love that happens in secret - beautiful, alluring to the speaker, passionate, anxious ( as can be seen in the clenching and unclenching of his hands), and proud. He refuses to call himself as anything but what he is. The first man may call him Shame, but he refuses the name, and instead, offers a qualifier to his own descriptor. He is still love, he is just the love that can’t be spoken about. 

3.) Walking in Golden Fields of Sunflowers

Now let’s talk about “Dream With Me”. I’m ignoring the first few stanzas (from the line “Have you ever wondered” to “What the two of us can find”.) because those are pretty standard introductory paragraphs to a guided meditation. So we start with the line “Let’s travel now to moonlit valleys...”. 

I’m going to do the same thing I did with “Two Loves” first. I am going to describe literally, in general terms, what happens in the story. Warning, I change pronouns from “they” to “you” because the whole thing confuses me, but note that I’m always talking about the speaker and the listener: 

So after doing the standard intro, the speaker and the listener take a walk through the woods enjoying nature, particularly the grass, the trees, and the blue sky above. You’re already clearly in love. Then you’re magically on a raft, with cherry blossoms all around you. If you want a good visual for that, here’s a site that has pictures from a boat rental in Tokyo where you can snuggle on a raft in the  Chidorigafuchi moat. And then suddenly it starts raining, and they (you) watch the rain for a hot second, and then the scene magically shifts again, and you’re under a porch (although I guess it could be the boat rental’s porch. They do usually have covered areas). 

Kind of furthering that theory, they then lounge by the shoreline, skipping stones and hanging out, looking at the snow capped mountains. In case you’re curious, because at this point I sure was, you can see mountains from certain areas in the city of Tokyo. 

Anyways, then it’s snowing, and you’re magically in a cabin, just chilling by the fire, and you fall asleep again. You wake up somewhere else.

Where are you now? Well, you’re on a tropical island filled with palm trees. As an American, my mind immediately jumps to the Caribbean, but I suppose it could absolutely be in the Mediterranean as well. The island has white beaches, mangroves, a turquoise ocean, and a gorgeous, peaceful atmosphere. 

If you’re curious as to what a mangrove looks like - and I certainly was - they are a group of trees and shrubs that live in the coastal intertidal zone and Jamaica is doing a massive restoration project involving primary school children to regrow this vital part of their ecosystem. More interestingly, there currently exist no mangrove forests in the Mediterranean, so my initial feeling that this scene would take place in the Caribbean was correct. On that note - again, because I was curious - Jamaica has gorgeous white sand beaches with turquoise oceans. 

But I’ve gone off topic again! After you’re minds are “in tune” once more (trying to find a heartbeat, anyone?), you reappear in a meadow, with beautiful flowers of all kind, where you are now walking hand in hand through a field of sunflowers, which give the feeling a “warm and golden hue”. Then you come across a little farmhouse with daisies poking out (clearly I have no way of locating this anywhere in the world, but I assume that the UK has both sunflowers and daisies). It’s an empty house which was loved and left because of the passage of time, which inspires my favorite line in the poem: “ The thought of passing time inspires/A feeling that grows stronger”. It’s just...really sweet to me. 

So, of course, they do what anyone would do when they come across an empty farmhouse, they go inside. And there, they begin to fall asleep, reflecting on all they have just seen, referencing other scenes of the poem: “ Moonlit valleys, Burdened forests, Gazing at the ocean. Summer meadows, Tranquil sunsets steeped in emotion”. 

The next few stanzas are just going to be copy-pasted, and then I’ll go into them a bit, but this is the end of the poem, so they’re the final reflections;

“The tenderness we feel When we are close Two minds as one Surrounds us and connects us But we’ve only just begun.

For now we dream together Of all there is to follow. And know that sleep will keep us safe From now until tomorrow.

Maybe all the memories That we’ve gathered here tonight Are all dreams now remembered Or wishes in plain sight.

No matter what They’re with us now. For this night and forever. And every time we close our eyes They’re yours and mine to treasure.” 

- HS, Dream With Me, via @carl-and-pearl​

And that’s it! The literal story, in short, is that you started in a forest, then went to Tokyo (maybe) and then Jamaica (perhaps) and then back to a field of sunflowers and daisies in the UK (which is also a guess, it could be Italy or France or Idaho for all I know, but let’s call it an educated guess). 

4.) My Dream Journal

So now that we know what happens in the story, how do we interpret this? Well, There are a few lines in the poem that I want to draw your attention to: the first takes place in the first part of this story, when you’re still in the forest. This is, I must say, the most direct reference to Two Loves in the whole poem/song/story. Both works are describing a walk in the woods with your loved one, and, in a fun reference in the middle of the story, Dream With Me says

The shimmering reflection Shows us smiling from above. But what we think But dare not speak is L-O-V-E love.

-Dream With Me, 2020

Remember that line I mentioned before? I am the love that dare not speak its name. Right, so that’s almost a direct quote. It also has a really fun nod to “I Would” (Would he say he’s in L-O-V-E?/Well if it was me then I would), but I digress. 

This first part of the narrative, I feel, really sets up what the rest of it will look and feel like, in the same way that “Golden” sets the tone for Fine Line. (You didn’t think I was going to make a post about Harry and NOT mention Golden, did you?? If you did, I’m disappointed!!). So  let’s take a look at what’s happening, and the language he’s using to describe it. 

One of the best things about this poem is how vivid it feels. Of course, I’m about to argue that it’s vivid because it was based in reality, but let’s talk about the sheer amount of detail he uses to describe the place he’s walking through. The valley (canyon lmao) is moonlit, the grass and the leaves make mosaics of green, you’re walking by the heather (the symbolism of heather is good luck, admiration, and protection), the sepia sunlight breaks through the trees. 

You know what it kind of sounds like? Sweet Creature. You’re about to roll your eyes at me! I can feel it! But listen, okay?  

“Sweet creature Running through the garden Oh, where nothing bothered us But we're still young I always think about you and how we don't speak enough”

Which, to be honest, sounds like what they’re doing. They’re walking through the garden in the sun, not daring to speak about the Love that he (they both) feel, and instead refering to it in veiled Victorian terms. 

And then we head to Tokyo! I know that you’re about to ask me why I think it’s Tokyo versus...idk, anywhere else? Well, for one, he went to Tokyo (to let it go) publicly in 2019. He was there for a few months, and there are some great pictures of that time: 

Look! Here he is with his club owner friend and his dog, and a fun red bandanna! But let’s be honest, the dog really steals the show here. But wait! there’s more! More dog content, too!

This was on Jan 31st, 2019, and he’s taking the dog for a walk! Very cute! If nothing else, he spent a lot of time with dogs in Tokyo! And the city fits the description of the story. So I feel rather comfortable with my interpretation that this first date is a memory of this trip - or another - to Tokyo. 

So what did “you both”do in Tokyo? Well, chill on a raft while the cherry blossoms flutter around you, clearly. You also refocused your purpose. What did he do in Tokyo in 2019? Well, he took time to think about and write songs for the album he was about to go record. Kind of like refocusing on what’s next, right? And then, in the story when “you both” had time to think amongst the lake and the water and the rain and the moon, and you’d come to the conclusions you needed to, you left. What did he do when he did the things he needed to? Well, he left, too. 

And where did he go? Well, in real life, I suppose he went to do his job. But, in the story, you’re meant to be falling deeper and deeper into sleep, so it’s sort of like traveling backwards, you see? Like counting down to one. So you end up on this island with turquoise ocean and mangrove forests. I’m calling this Jamaica. Why? Well, the description fits, for one, down to the four types of mangroves that exists within its ecosystem. 

And - probably the biggest reason - I can place him there, too. Here’s him in 2017:

I added this picture because the water around him....looks rather turquoise, doesn’t it? Kind of like he’s enjoying his time on a tropical island by the beach?? Oh, and here’s another one!: 

The red bandanna makes a comeback! 

So what are you doing in Jamaica, according to the story? Well, you’re hanging out, basically. Enjoying the beach and each other, of course!  What else? To be exact, “[Your] thoughts dovetail and unify/ In tune two minds together”. I’m so glad that you’re tuned like an old guitar now! Congrats! Really happy for you! 

What was he doing in Jamaica three years ago? Why, he was recording his first album, or so the story goes. I’ll tell you something: finding press for that album was literally the most difficult part of this whole analysis. I got a fair bit of the tattoo roulette with Kendall Jenner, and some things about Carolina, but the interview with Zach Sang took me like an hour and a half to find again to link. The fact that a lot of it has been buried is...not great, for posterity purposes. He’s going to want that one day. 

But I’ve gotten off track again! We gotta go back and finish our story, right? What happens now? Well, this does: 

hahahaha okay, I’m really sorry, but I had to. I’m not, actually, making it up though! According to the story: 

“ As minutes turn to hours We drift off somewhere new. And visualize a stairway To a door we now walk through”

- Dream With Me, 2020

So maybe Louis was just...demonstrating for you. 

Anyways! Where do you walk out to? A golden field full of sunflowers. You walk for a minute, then come across an old house with daisies popping up out of the garden. And that’s where the story ends. I guess you’ve made that farmhouse feel like home. 

Now to the little reflection he does on the outro. The lines I want to bring your attention are: “The tenderness we feel when we are close two minds as one surrounds us and connects us but we’ve only just begun” and “Maybe all the memories that we’ve gathered here tonight are all dreams now remembered or wishes in plain sight.”

Let’s talk about the first sentence first. In the context of finding a home that could be a shared home, and a future, this is very much an “end of the story, beginning of our lives” sort of thing. You’re back from all over, and it’s time to settle down, and see what’s next. 

And now the second sentence. I think this is the one that really drives my point about this story being a collection of memories he has - that’s what he calls it. The story is “gathered memories” that might also be called “remembered dreams” (think of how people say of vacations, “oh it was a dream!”) or you might call it “wishes in plain sight”. This feels in line with the rest of the story. In this stanza, he’s sort of letting you in a bit. If I’ve read this right - and I really think that I have - he’s giving the larger context for the story. It’s a collection of memories he’s had with someone he loves. 

5.) Cool! Can you prove it? 

I mean, I’d argue that if you read this far, I have proved it, but let’s make some more links, shall we? This was called a “muscial epic” that was “driven by him”. I’d argue that if I know my Victorian literature (thank you, Sherlock!), then he definitely does. Then there’s the fact that he quoted it, so. That did happen. And he knows what it means. And even if he didn’t, there were two other people on the story. Someone was more than capable of catching that one, and the fact that they didn’t speaks to intent. They want you to think of that phrase when you read this poem. They want you to think of that walk in the woods while you’re going on this one. 

And, as for my assumption that this is for and about one person, well. Think about it. He said that he writes his songs for a single listener. I’m not saying it’s the same listener each time, let’s get that right, but it is always just for one person. With that, and with the assumption that he’s been involved in the writing of this story, I’d say that the same rule applies. He went with someone to Japan and Jamaica (J^2 haha). And, if I had to guess, it was the same person. 

Why, you ask? Well, for one, if that weren’t the case, then this poem would no longer be for one listener, it would be for multiple. And, for another, imagine how awkward it would be to listen to it with his current partner and have to explain “oh, yeah that was the super romantic vacation I took with someone else” . And, I suppose that because I think that attitude of “refocusing” and “dovetailing” and “tuning” and getting excited about imagining all of the tomorrows with your partner speaks to a long term relationship breathing easily, you know? 

I’m also going to argue that describing the aura around the house as “golden” was intentional, especially when paired with the location - in the middle of a field of sunflowers. Those are both direct references to his songs. And those two songs are particularly linked by the number 28. The third song that features 28 is Fine Line the song, but that’s a different story. Anywho! “Golden”’s bridge just repeats the word ‘golden’ twenty eight times (if you go here , you can count the bridge) and “Sunflower Vol. 6″ ends the song with 28 “boops” (believe me, I wish I was making this up. I’m not.). So then, once again, you’ve linked a story to two already linked songs. 

And, even if you don’t buy the intentional repetition, they’re linked another way, aren’t they? The color scheme and the sun symbol. Sunflowers were named because of their sun-like appearance. They turn to face it. They symbolize loyalty and adoration. And then, of course, the sun is - say it with me - golden. And it - like the person in golden - waits in the sky, beautiful and dangerous and constant. And here that symbol is, in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. At home. 

This whole story feels like you’re taking the time to find that heartbeat that you think you might have lost, and sort of coming back to a space where you understand that this is what you want, now and forever. It feels like finding a home that could be yours forever, and it feels like walking through some of the moments that remind him of that. 

It really is rather lovely, if you think about it, especially since he has a tendency to attribute “home” to people rather than place, in his songs. So it’s like. Going all around the world and always being at home. 

#harry styles #calm #dream with me #two loves #honestly man #im happy for you #but ewww #be less sappy please #i mean #SOME OF US DONT HAVE THAT YET HAROLD #hahahaha i think im funny #long post ts #idk how else to tag this but im really proud of it #okay now i'll do the penguin song #promise hahaha

[bqstqnbruin]

three times he said he loved you + one time you actually heard it

I have not written for him since Thanksgiving so this was nice, I must admit. But I did this as part of the Summer Fic Exchange put together by @hockeynetwork​ ! I really did love this and I high key hope you do something like this again.

So this is for @broadstbroskis​ I hope you like this!

------------------------

One

“I don’t really understand why we’re having the entire damn town over at our house when half of it still needs to be packed up and the other half is boxes,” you say, trying to maneuver through the mess of your room, making way to your bed while Nolan follows the same path as you.

You flop down on your bed, trying to tune out the noise of your parent’s friends saying goodbye to them when they only let you have one friend over, and that was only because Nolan’s parents were also friends with your parents. “Probably because parents need an excuse to get drunk and it’s more socially acceptable when it’s with a group of people instead of by themselves,” he says, lying down next to you.

The two of you lay there in silence. Neither of you had really accepted the fact that you were moving away because of your dad’s job, and neither of you wanted to accept it, either. But now, you were leaving in about a week, some of your stuff already shipped to the new house that your dad bought, your transcripts sent to Harriton High School in Lower Merion, Pennsylvania, and your life starting over at age fifteen. 

“What do you think it’s like there?” he asks, breaking the silence.

“My dad must have gotten a really nice job because the new house is, like, twice the size of this one.” 

“Really?” he asks, sitting up. “I want to see it. Get your computer.”

“Ok, bossy, give me a second.” You find your laptop, pulling up Google maps and typing in the address. “It’s this one.”

His eyes go wide, jaw dropped. “You’re joking! This is huge! Can I move with you?”

You laugh, desperately wishing that you could tell him yes. “I think you need to stay here. Something tells me if you come with us, your chances of making the NHL wouldn’t be very high.” You take in a deep breath, Nolan exploring the area around your new house while he mutters about how he can’t believe that you’re leaving to begin with. “Wouldn’t it be great if you got drafted by Philadelphia or somewhere close so I could see you?”

“I don’t even know if I’ll get drafted.”

“You will. I know you will. In 2017, I will be sitting there, glued to my TV, watching you get drafted. You’ll probably go top ten, maybe top five if you get really good really fast,” you say, putting your computer away. You dodge boxes, praying that you don’t trip on anything. You have no idea where anything was at this point, despite labeling everything. “God, I need this stuff out of here.” 

You sit back down next to Nolan, your knees touching. Your parents had a rule that you weren’t allowed to date until you were sixteen. Nolan knew that, you knew that, everyone in your school knew that. Sometimes you couldn’t help but wonder if your parents didn’t have that rule, would the two of you already be together? Not that it mattered now with you moving to Pennsylvania and all, but hypotheticals are always fun to think of, aren’t they?

Nolan actually had it all planned. The night of your sixteenth birthday, right at midnight, he would call you on your cell and ask you out. He would take you out to a movie, dinner, and then walk around the city, assuming your parents would let you do all of that. Now that you were moving, his chance was gone. 

“You really think that I’ll go top five in the draft?” 

“Maybe. I think you can be a top five prospect if you work towards it enough.” 

He looks like he’s about to say something to you, his eyes going between your own and looking down at his hands. He can’t stay still, his cheeks getting the classic rosy pink shade that you would tease him for constantly, knowing that you were the only one who he let do it. He finally takes a breath to say something, only to be interrupted by a knock on your door.

Your mom opens the door before you can answer, you trying to move away from Nolan a little so she wouldn’t get suspicious. She was the one who made the no dating rule, even if she loved Nolan like he was her own son. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt,” she says, obviously lying, “Your father just finished everything on the grill, you kids should come down to eat.” 

Nolan gets up from your bed, pretty much running out. Your mom stops you, gently pushing you back into your room and closing the door behind you. She gives you that look asking for an explanation. 

“What?” you ask her, trying to pretend like you don’t know what she’s about to ask you. 

“What were you doing up here?” she asks, folding her arms.

“Do you want a play-by-play or a summary?” you ask her. Every time she saw you with Nolan, her first instinct is that you were breaking her rule about dating and were actually seeing Nolan behind her back. You couldn’t help but get a little irritated when she asked you the same question each time: what was going on?

“Give me the Sparknotes.” 

“Showed him the new house, complained about moving, did the same thing I did when Sammie was over, too,” you told her, referencing one of your other friends. She cocks her eyebrow, the signal that she doesn’t believe you. “Go ask Nolan!” 

 “I know you’re upset that you’re leaving him but there are other-” she starts, trying to reach out to touch your shoulder.

“Please, do not finish that sentence. Mom, come on. Nolan is my best friend, of course, I’m going to be upset about leaving him. You’re moving me to Pennsylvania where I have three years to start over and make new friends only to leave them to go to college. Can we please go down for food, though?” you ask her, trying to get past her, “I’m hungry, I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

She looks at you, trying to figure out if she believes you. “Go ahead,” she says, gesturing to your door. You move past her, Nolan still waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

“There were too many adults for me to fend this alone,” he says when you reach him. 

“Where are your sisters?” you ask him, grabbing his hand and dragging him into the kitchen. 

“Outside?” he guesses, handing you a plate as you both start to pile on the food. Around you are your parent’s friends, talking, laughing, enjoying the time as if you weren’t about to leave them forever. Nolan can see the sudden shift in your mood; whenever you start thinking about moving, you always get upset, “Hey, let’s go look out back,” he suggests, leading you through your house to the back porch. 

Outside was quiet, the sun just starting to set and making the sky brilliant colors of pink, orange, blue; everything that you loved about living away from a city that you wouldn’t get living twenty minutes from Philadelphia. “I can’t believe we’re leaving this,” you say, sitting down in the grass. 

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me,” Nolan mutters. 

“What?” you ask him, snapping your attention away from the sky and to him. He’s looking down at his food, pushing it around his plate. “You ok?”

“Yeah,” he says, still not looking up. “I said I can’t believe you’re leaving, either.” He didn’t want you to leave at all. Slowly, everyone started to come outside to enjoy the sunset, all the adults screaming and being unnecessarily loud. ‘Just say it,’ he thinks to himself. He was going to regret it if he didn’t. “I love you,” he blurts out, just loud enough for you to hear it over the commotion. And he meant it. He really did love you, as more than a friend, he thinks he always has.

You look at him and smile. “Yeah, I love you, too,” you say, thinking he meant it as just a friend. Part of you was happy the two of you weren’t dating. Having to break up would be a lot harder and leave him would be a lot harder than it was now. 

Two

You were ecstatic to be back home, even if it was for the wedding of someone you weren’t really close to. It had been almost three years since you were last in Winnipeg, and when the opportunity came up for you to visit, you had to jump on it, having to beg your parents to let you go back home without them. You hadn’t seen Nolan since you moved, other than through Facetime. He was getting ready for the draft that was weeks away, obviously stressed, and according to him, only going to the wedding because you said you were about to go with him. You were staying at his house, sharing the room with him, much to your surprise that his parents even let you. 

“Why did I agree to go to this with you?” Nolan whines as you struggle to zip up your dress.

“Because you missed me and this was the only way you would be able to spend time with me,” you tell him, turning your back to him. “Come zip me up?”

He gets up off his bed, one of his hands finding the small of your back to hold on to the base of the zipper, pulling it up slowly as he held his breath. You were nearly 18, now old enough that the dating rule your parents had set was done. If you hadn’t lived in Philadelphia now, he was sure that you two would be celebrating your two year anniversary soon. Taking you as a date for this wedding was probably the only time you would ever be each other’s dates unless by some miracle he ended up in Philly, or you ended up in whatever city drafted him. 

You’re also holding your breath, and you aren’t sure if it’s because you think it will make zipping up the dress easier for Nolan, or for some other reason. You hear him mutter that the zipper is up, turning around to face him. He was already dressed in his suit, his hair styled in just the right way so not a strand was out of place. He looked amazing. “You look,” you start, trying to find the right word, “Great.”

Looking at you, he couldn’t find a flaw in your appearance. He knew the flaws that made you who you were, but he didn’t mind them. He had always liked them. “Uh, so do you,” he stammers out. You could feel your heart beat faster, and he could feel his own doing the same. You both swore the other could hear the beat as you got nervous just being around each other. You looked so good with the clothes you had on, but you couldn’t help but think about how you would look with them off. 

“We should get going,” you finally let out after what felt like the longest moment of silence between the two of you. 

“Yeah. Yeah, we should.” The two of you leave his room, calling to his parents on your way to let them know not to wait up for you. Something really was about to happen just then, wasn’t it? No. You were overthinking it. Everyone loves a well-dressed person: you were just getting swept away by the suit, the same thing would have happened if you saw anyone else in a suit. 

Nolan was driving to the venue, not saying anything. He was freaking out about how he could have just kissed you at that moment, but he blew it. He should have just kissed you. What if he did tonight? Would it be better to kiss you and have you leave, or to not kiss you at all for you to still leave? Either way, you were going to leave him again. Part of him thought that he would see you again. Somehow, you would both end up in Philadelphia, he just wasn’t sure how. 

The wedding goes by without you even paying much attention. You seemed to just follow whatever everyone else was doing, standing when they were standing, trying to talk if everyone else was talking. You were focused on Nolan the entire time. He looked so good in the suit, and you could not get over it. You get to the reception, seeing a lot of people you grew up with somehow having grown up a lot more than you expected. 

“Y/N!” You hear someone squeal. You turn around to see Sammie, running towards you and Nolan. Nolan tries to dodge her; she had always liked him, but he was never interested in her as more than friends. He slips away to get food just in time. “I’ve missed you so much!” she says, pulling you in for a tight hug. “You’re here with Nolan?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess he’s my date for tonight?”

She pulls you over to an empty table, plopping you down at the seat next to her. “You know, I’m pretty surprised you two never got together,” she blurts out.

You look at her, confused. Nolan has always been your best friend, and that’s all. No matter what you felt about him, you couldn’t risk something like that. “No way,” is all you can manage to get out.

“Oh, yeah. So many girls at school have been trying to get with him, but no one’s succeeded. During the wedding, I saw the way he looked at you. If heart eyes were an actual thing, that boy would have them for you.” 

“Again, no way. He’s my best friend, that’s all.”

“Best friends fall for each other all the time,” she sings, shrugging. 

“Hey, do you want to dance?” Nolan asks, startling you.

“Yes, please!” you say, thankful that he saved you from more interrogation. “Thank you,” you say as he leads you to the dance floor. 

“You needed saving,” he says, taking your hands and starting to sway with the rhythm of the music. 

“My hero!” you swoon, making him laugh. The two of you move in perfect sync like the song was made for you. The room around you melted away and it became just you and Nolan. It felt like a scene from the movie, where everything goes dark and the spotlight is just on you two. You weren’t saying anything, your head on his chest as he pulled you in once the song changed to a slow song. You could feel his heartbeat, noticing it getting faster even though everything else around you remained steady. 

The DJ came over the speakers to announce the arrival of the new husband and wife. You and Nolan move off the dance floor, Nolan standing behind you, his hand finding it’s place at the small of your back again. They start their first dance as a married couple, and you suddenly can picture yourself doing the same. You’re in a dress that fits you perfectly, flawless makeup, not a hair out of place, dancing with the love of your life. You see yourself with, you aren’t sure who. You feel like you’re standing off to the side watching yourself dance with Nolan. 

You wanted it to be Nolan. You weren’t sure if it was being at the wedding, or if it was a feeling you had been repressing this entire time. You look up at him and smile, him beaming down at you. You put your arm around him to pull him in for a hug. You couldn’t tell him how you felt, though. Not with you leaving so soon to go back to Lower Merion. 

Neither of you could tell that you were thinking the same thing. Nolan wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you closer to him and resting his chin on your head. You reached up to meet his hands, holding them there as you settled into his embrace. If he could tell you right now that he loved you, he would. But he couldn’t help but wonder what he would do if you didn’t love him back. 

Three

The day Nolan got drafted felt surreal. You couldn’t believe that he was going to be coming to Philadelphia, the same city you moved to, the city you were going to stay in for college. The day he actually arrived in Philly didn’t feel real either. You had helped him move in, and honestly, you spent more time in his place than you did at your own.

Neither of you had admitted that you had feelings for the other. There was no way you could. You were practically living together, you being Nolan’s first friend outside of his team when he first moved to the city. You couldn’t ruin what you had, so you just pretended like those feelings didn’t exist.

“Where are we going tonight?” Nolan asks you as you take over his bathroom to get ready for the night. 

“Somewhere called Brew Pub in Manayunk.”  

“Why are we going, again?” he moans. He leans back on his bed, having a direct view of you getting ready. You were doing your mascara, not that he had any idea what else you still had to do. He never really knew why you wore makeup, he didn’t think you needed it at all. 

“Juliette said it was a good place to meet Saint Joe’s and Nova boys. You know, all the right private schoolboys from Nova and then their less rich counterparts from Saint Joe’s,” you say, messing up your makeup.

“What could that possibly mean?” 

“Could not tell you. Apparently she just likes Saint Joe’s boys.” You try to fix your eyeliner, not succeeding. “Shit!” you say out of frustration, “Why do I look like this?” 

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“Full of questions tonight, aren’t we? And, I don’t know, I just feel,” you hesitate, trying to find the right word, “Ugh.”

He gets up from his bed, wandering into the bathroom to stand behind you. “How could you feel ugh?” 

“I don’t know. I’m in a mood. I don’t like how I look,” you admit, shrugging it off. “Whatever, I just need to finish this eyeliner and we can get going. Is Travis meeting us here or there?” 

Nolan stays standing behind you, not listening to the questions you’re asking as you keep talking. God, how could you not understand how beautiful you are? Every time he pictured his perfect girl, he thought of you. He really did love everything about you, right down to your annoying pen tapping when you’re thinking about something. How could you not see yourself the way he saw you?

“Nol?” you ask him, snapping him out of whatever trance he had fallen into.

“Sorry, what?”

“You never answered if Travis was meeting us here or at Brew Pub?”

“Oh, sorry, I kinda spaced. He’s meeting us there.” 

You turn around to look at him, your makeup done, but it was him with the blush on his cheeks. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he lies. Why has he waited so long to tell you anything about how he feels? “I was just thinking about some drill from practice. I was having issues with it.” 

“Eh, don’t worry about it right now. There’s nothing in hockey that you haven’t been able to get eventually. Tonight, let’s just go out, drink a little, flirt with some people, and then come home.” 

Flirt with some people. Yeah, like he actually wanted to flirt with anyone besides you. Not that he actually did flirt with you; something about you he felt like he couldn’t, like it would cross a line or something. You guys leave for the bar, not saying anything while Nolan stays on his phone telling Travis to get there as soon as he can. He’s not sure he can really handle seeing you flirting with someone else. He wasn’t even sure if he had before. But if he was about to see that, then he needed some sort of bonehead energy to keep his mind off of it.

‘I’m waiting outside already. There’s a pizza place across the street, can we go?’ Travis sends back.

‘No.’

‘Once we’re drunk?’

‘No.’

‘Smile Pat?’

‘No.’

The entire ride, you were sitting there, trying to figure out why he went radio silent since you left. The only thing you could do was let him talk when he wanted to. You knew better than anyone that if you tried to force him to talk when he didn’t want to, he would shut down completely. You get to the bar, trying to find Juliette in the small, crowded bar, losing Nolan and Travis completely. 

“Ok, so I’ve seen a few slightly attractive guys but I’m not drunk enough yet for me to find them very attractive, but I figure if we sit down and flirt with them enough, we can get a few drinks from them,” Juliette starts rambling, dragging you directly to the bar to have you start flirting.

Nolan and Travis had found their seats at the other end. Nolan couldn’t keep his eyes off of you as you talked to the guy seated next to you. 

“Why aren’t you there next to her?” Travis asks him. 

“What do you mean?” Nolan asks, pretending not to know what he was talking about.

“She’s there, flirting with a guy, probably intending on at least getting a drink or two from him, and you’re here watching him talk to your girl.”

Nolan looks at Travis, the look on his face telling him to cut it out. “She’s not my girl.” He looks back at you, watching you flip your hair over your shoulder, laughing and reaching out to touch the guys arm. His heart started racing at the sight of something so simple. He takes in a deep breath, “I’m in love with her. Have been since I could understand what love is,” he admits.

“Well, what are you going to do about it?”

“Same thing I’ve been doing. Not telling her.” 

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to mess up what I have with her.”

“That’s dumb.”

“If you drop this, I will pay for that pizza across the street, I will buy the whole place if it means we can drop this.” 

“Fine,” Travis says, throwing his hands up in surrender, “Whatever you say.” 

+one

You groan as your alarm starts to go off, rolling over to try to find your phone and shut it off. You didn’t even remember turning an alarm on for today, so why was it even going off in the first place? Finally finding it after haphazardly feeling around your nightstand for it, you groan even louder when you see that it wasn’t your alarm, but Nolan calling you, instead.

“You really changed my ringtone so it would be the same as my alarm, you jackass?” you answer, mentally cursing yourself for even letting him know your passcode in the first place. 

“Good morning to you, too,” he says. You can hear cars passing him by, indicating that he was somewhere on the street in the city. “I’m going to be over in twenty minutes and we’re leaving when you’re ready.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?” you ask him, pulling your phone away from your ear to check the time. “You woke me up before the sun rose on a Saturday for what reason?”

“See you soon!” he says, his tone sounding weird with his deep voice. He hangs up before you can protest. You put your phone back on your nightstand, rolling back over to fall back to sleep. The door to your apartment was locked; Nolan wouldn’t be able to get in without a key, and there was no way either of your roommates were up to be able to let him in. “Get out of bed!” you hear someone yell, jumping on your bed. You must have fallen back to sleep, only for Nolan to wake you up, somehow breaking into your home.

“I’m calling the police,” you say, throwing your pillow over your head.

“Yeah, like that will do anything. But I told you to get up!” he says, taking the pillow off your head and ripping the covers off from on top of you. “We’re going out today, come on.”

“How the fuck did you get into my apartment?” you ask sitting up, eyes barely open. 

“Alex lent me her key,” he says, pulling you out of bed. “Now get ready.”

“I can’t go out with you if I’m about to kill someone,” you say, rifling through your drawers anyway. “Where are we going?” 

“It’s a surprise.” 

“Then I can’t get dressed and we’re not going.” 

“Yes, we are.”

“Then what do I wear?” 

“Wear something nicer, but bring a sweatshirt because I know you’re going to be cold at first.” You shoot a glare in his direction, picking out patterned shorts and a plain tshirt, pulling out one of his sweatshirts that you stole from him. “I’ve been looking for that!” 

“Get out,” you say, pushing him out the door so you can get dressed, “Make me coffee.” you shut your door, locking it so he can’t come back in while you’re getting ready. What did this boy have planned? 

While you get ready, cursing him both mentally and loud enough that he could hear you, Nolan fumbles around your kitchen trying to make you enough coffee to hold you until you got breakfast. He had the whole day planned for you, something spontaneous enough that you would have no idea what was coming. Travis had helped him figure it out, starting with watching the sunrise on Boathouse row, heading to the Art Museum and walking around, and then going to Sabrina’s for food. He had your favorite snacks in his car so you wouldn’t complain, a map of the museum marked with things that he thought you would like, and a reservation at the cafe so you wouldn’t have to wait at what would be a very busy restaurant for hungover Drexel and UPenn students. 

“That coffee smells so good,” he hears you say, causing him to jump. For someone who had just been woken up against their will, you looked stunning. He was so excited for this; you had told him that you had never been awake to see the sunrise, and he knew that the day he finally told you he loved you had to include that. “Can you please tell me where we’re going?” you ask a still speechless Nolan. 

“You’ll see,” he says, handing you your coffee and walking out your door. All of him was nervous. How does he tell his best friend that he’s in love with her? And what if you don’t feel the same way? 

“The sun hasn’t even come up yet, what could we possibly be doing?” you whine again, sipping the coffee. “It better involve food or I’m going to be very upset with you.”

“You’re already upset with me so what else do I have to lose?” he asks, trying to control the shaking in his voice. “And stop asking, you’ll find out when we get there!” he insists, hoping that you’ll stop for the time being. You end up dozing off again, Nolan stealing glances when he can as he drives to park at Fairmount Park. “Hey, Y/N. Wake up.”

“What?” you mumble, stretching as he wakes you up again. “Where are we?” you open your eyes, looking down the street towards where his car is facing. “Kelly Drive? Why are we at Boathouse Row?” 

“Come on!” he says, already pulling you out of the and running down the street. You keep going until you’re past the boathouses, far enough away that the sounds of college rowers are in the distance as he sets out the blanket you didn’t know he had. 

“You’re unusually happy to be up this early, what’s going on?” you ask him, sitting down next to him. What could he possibly have planned. 

“Will, you just shut up and look?” he asks, pointing you in the direction of the sun. 

“Oh, wow,” you let out, looking as the sun rose over the trees, lighting up the Schuylkill sitting in front of you. “You took me to see the sunrise?” you ask him, not looking away as the sky turns from the deep purple to a brilliant orange. 

He can feel the heat rushing to his cheeks, turning them more pink than normal. He watches you as the sun makes your face glow. Everything about you was perfect, from your hair that you had thrown up into a messy bun so that you could get ready faster, to his sweatshirt that you were wearing because you loved that it smelled like him. He couldn’t help himself, “I love you,” he blurts out, his eyes wide in disbelief that he actually said it. 

Your head snaps to him, finally breaking away from the sun. There’s no way he just said what you thought he did. “What?”

“I love you. And I have been trying to tell you since before you moved here. I always have loved you, and part of me thinks that I always will.” 

“Nolan,” you start, thinking he was done.

“And you don’t have to say that you love me, or anything really, because I’m just kind of springing this on you, and-” he continues to ramble, acting completely out of character from his usual quick and snarky behavior. 

“Nolan,” you try again, hoping that he’ll stop.

“This wasn’t even the way I wanted to tell you, even though this is what I think might be the third time that I’ve actually told you,”

“Nolan!” you yell, finally getting him to snap out of his rant and look you in the eye. “You love me? Like actually love me.”

“I thought I said that,” he says, starting to panic. Did he just go into a rant for no reason? 

“I mean, like,” you start, trying to figure out what to say, “You love me, too?”

“Too?” 

Without thinking, the sun finally peaking over the two of you as Kelly Drive starts to get more busy with runners, rowers, bikers, and families, you take his face in your hands and kiss him. Your lips move together in sync as his hands find your back, pulling you in closer to him. When you finally pull away, not bothered by the fact that multiple people probably just saw you, you look at him, the blue eyes, rosy cheeks, his hair in a state of disarray. “Too.” 

#nolan patrick #nolan patrick imagines #Philadelphia Flyers #philadelphia flyers imagines #flyers #flyers imagines #nhl #nhl imagines #hockey #hockey imagines #the summer fic exchange

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

promise [connor m. x reader] pt.2

because i think this is a fitting end to this story. actual notes at the very end of this post, after the fic.

warnings: general swearing. this is a part 2 to a fic on @pacman-tattoo though.

12:23 AM   connie: you still awake? 

12:26 AM   connie: babe.

12:35 AM   connie: i’ll be home soon, ok?

12:36 AM   connie: traffic is weirdly fucking awful rn and i wish you were here

12:37 AM   [y/n]: sorry, i’m here. i was almost asleep.

12:38 AM   connie: sorry

12:39 AM   [y/n]: make it up to me <3

12:39 AM   connie: i will

With a quiet hum, you left your phone back on the nightstand where it had been charging up until the vibrations against wood had pulled you out of your state of near-slumber. Connor rarely worked late, but sometimes he was roped into cleaning more than just the bar itself. It was temporary, he told you over and over. Eventually, he’d get his stupid book of stupid poetry (his words, never yours) and maybe he could go from there. Write more books, make things work, and one day he’d be staying at home and writing poetry while you continued to be the breadwinner once you were out of school for good (your words, occasionally his). Sure, working in an office when you weren’t swamped with classes and making pretty okay money in the meantime hadn’t been your plan originally, but... things happen. Life changed. Connor was a constant for you, though. True to the promise he made to you almost six years ago at eighteen, he never disappeared again. Not the way that he had used to. Sure, there were fights, and he would leave you alone in the living room while he shut himself up in the bedroom and dealt with the flow of emotions that rammed through him, but things worked out. On the worst nights, he’d come back out to find you asleep on the couch, and he’d end up waking you up and the two of you would fix things. He opened up to you, slowly and surely, and things worked. It was hard, certainly, but... the two of you made it work. 

And now you were lying in bed in the little apartment that you shared, waiting for him to come home from bartending (Connor Murphy, working in customer service? You never could fully believe it, but he managed) and to climb into bed next to you, and maybe the two of you would talk until you fell asleep. 

The sound of jingling keys from the living room caught your attention almost half an hour later, followed by the slamming of a door, and then heavy footsteps. Before you could call out to him, Connor came in through the door, fighting his way out of his shoes, his jacket, his jeans, and soon enough he threw himself directly into the space next to you. For a moment, he was hardened by whatever bullshit he’d faced during the day, but one look at you was enough to soften his gaze.

You sat up, reaching out to brush his hair from his face. “Long day?”

“The fucking worst.”

Despite the aggravation in his voice, you chuckled. “You wanna talk about it?”

He shook his head, hopping back up. “It’s stupid shit,” he said. “Don’t worry about it.” But he paused before he could move away, dipping forward to press a kiss against your lips. “It’s fine,” he said again. “I promise.”

As he walked away, you merely watched as he began to strip out of his clothing before changing into a faded band t-shirt that often was used by one of you as a sleeping shirt. You admired him for a moment. Six years ago, he was... thinner. Bonier. Ever since things had shifted between the two of you, he’d put on a bit of weight (enough to become less of a bean-pole and more... okay) and he generally seemed brighter, if you were honest. Maybe that was what getting out the Murphy house did for him. He’d cut his hair, although it still stayed long enough to hang in his face if he wasn’t careful. As much as you missed the long locks, you were happy. He’d begun taking care of himself. He had his off days, and you knew that, but he seemed to genuinely be trying for you, and he was trying for himself, too. 

“You like the show?”

You couldn’t help but snort. “Maybe I do,” you reached toward him, doing grabby hands. “C’mere,” you whined quietly. “I wanna cuddle.”

He scoffed at the notion, but climbed into bed next to you a moment later nonetheless. Instead of folded into your arms, he pulled you closer, wrapping himself securely around you, cocooning you in his warmth. The faint smell of his cologne still stuck to him, and you happily buried your face in his neck before pressing a soft kiss against his skin.

“Sometimes,” his voice vibrated in his chest, and although you went to move, he kept his hold on you. So you relaxed into him, and he continued, “I think about when we got together.”

“Mmhm?”

“I was dealing with a lot,” he said, lowering his voice. “Fuck, you know how many problems I had, and...” He paused for a moment, nuzzling his face into your hair just for a second. “And I’m glad I got help.” He corrected himself barely a second later, “I’m getting help.” When you didn’t respond, he continued on, “I’m glad it’s working.” 

“I am, too,” you admitted against his skin, and he hummed in acknowledgement. “I’m glad you’re here.”

He ran a hand up and down your back, and the motion soothed you slightly. “I was scared I was depending on you entirely,” he shut his eyes. “I thought that if you weren’t here, I couldn’t be happy. But... I got better,” he said. “I’m better. I have... friends,” he said after a moment of hesitation. “I’m writing. I’m not fucking paranoid all the time. But...” He drew away from you, hands reaching up to cup your face, smushing your face slightly. “I do have you. I’m glad you stayed.”

“Someone’s sappy tonight,” you pulled a hand away. “I’m glad you stayed, too.” 

“Sometimes I think I don’t deserve you,” he said, and the air grew tense for a moment. He... wasn’t being sappy, he was being honest. “But, I think... I think now I’ve learned that even with my bullshit, I... I think I deserve good things, sometimes.”

“You do,” you reached up to trail a thumb along the apple of his cheek. “Just because you fucked up and got angry at people and dealt with a lot doesn’t mean you’re not worth loving.”

He chuckled, and he said your name gently. “No wonder you’re trying to become a therapist.”

You leaned forward, pressing your forehead against his own for a moment. “I wanna help people,” you said. “I wanna help teenagers like you who needed it. I didn’t give up on you then, and I don’t want to give up on my future patients.”

“Even if you’re not what they need?”

“Especially if I’m not what they need,” you said. “I’ll find them someone else. Just because I can’t help them wouldn’t mean that I can’t help them find someone who can.”

There was softness in his eyes as he kissed you gently. No more scent of cigarettes and the taste of smoke (he’d given that up long ago, just so he could have longer with you), but he still held the same warmth he did the first time you kissed. “I love you.”

So you settled into his arms after giving him one last kiss. “I love you, too, Connor.”

-

So... I’d like to take a moment to talk, since, uh, it feels right to. 

I started writing musical reader inserts back in 2017, shortly after my 17th birthday, and the first one I wrote was a Connor Murphy fic titled “Promise.” Which... is why I feel that this is a fitting ending for my writing. I don’t remember the last fic I wrote for this blog, but I never felt completely satisfied in saying “I’m done writing reader fics for musicals” since... nothing felt like an ending. 

Of course, I’ll still sorta be lingering around this blog if anyone wants to DM me or send in an ask, but I’m not gonna write anymore. I sorta stopped once I got to college since I didn’t exactly have the time to do it as often anymore (and I sorta lost interest in writing for musicals, actually, since I do write elsewhere sometimes), but... that’s beside the point.

A... lot has happened since I posted that first fic. I dated someone for the first time, ended things with them, and then I fucked up majorly with some things that happened afterward. I’m still atoning for it, and maybe I never will fully do so, but it’s one of my deepest regrets. Of course, I’ve... learned I’m not the only person at fault in the situation (more like I was manipulated, but I’m not going to deny my own part there), but I think coming to the realization that I wasn’t alone there... helped. I lost a few friends, and I kept everyone else for the most part. For a really, really long time, I always wondered why. I had fucked up so majorly, I couldn’t comprehend why my friends stayed with me.

And... It’s because we love each other. I fucked up, sure, but... they knew who I was as a person. These people didn’t abandon me because they saw me for who I am. I explained what happened, I showed anger and frustration and melancholy for everything that I (and the other person at fault) had done, and... they weren’t going to cast me out in my hour of need. I had made the group chat we all met in, and I tried to take an interest in everyone as best as I could. I became a different person when I was with my ex, and... and I never want to be that person ever again. I was petty, and spiteful, and when I look at who I became, I realize that I’d been changed for the worst. I like to think I’ve gotten better, and maybe that’s because of the stupid fucking trauma making me realize my place. 

But... I love my friends. I love them so, so much. I don’t think I’d still be here if it weren’t for them. It’s been a pretty wild ride, and I’ve written so much for these fandoms (although admittedly not in recent years) but... I’m proud of what I have done. I love writing so, so much, and it’s always going to be a part of who I am, no matter what route I end up taking. While I can look back on some of my writing and laugh because it’s cringe-y and clumsy and I’ve definitely improved, it’s still something I did. 

Even if this post doesn’t get a single note, I’m... still proud of what I’ve done and how far I’ve come, and I thank anyone reading this for coming with me on this journey. Please, take care of yourselves. Be kind. It’s okay to have bad days: even flowers need a little rain to grow. 

But most importantly: love yourself and love the people that want you to be better. 

Thanks, gamers. Feel free to hit me up anytime.

~ Minerva “Minni” @mango-juiiice

#mj's writing corner #dear evan hansen x reader #deh x reader #dear evan hansen imagine #dear evan hansen reader insert #Connor Murphy x Reader #connor murphy imagine #connor murphy reader insert

[lordmomohismomoness]

Oneshots - Smutty

Love Amongst the Embers by Delectate

Rated M 7K words Completed 2009

After the Ember Island Players' performance, and with the help of a little rice wine, Zuko and Katara decide to rewrite an alternate ending to their story. Oneshot, Zuko/Katara. Rated M.

The Date Clause by Like A Dove

Rated M 14K words Completed 2011

Zuko and Katara are forced to go on a date together. Epic confessions, drunkenness, sneaking around, and attempted dirty talk ensue. Who knew defying Uncle Iroh and his stupid matchmaker friend could be so much fun?

Coming of Age by Like A Dove

Rated M 3K words Completed 2012

Katara has decided that it is time for Zuko to become a man. This is about exactly what you think it's about

Come Quietly by Like A Dove

Rated M 2K words Completed 2012

Katara tries to be quiet. Really, she does.

Afterglow by Burning Ice

Rated M 8K words Completed 2009

It’s a proven fact that 'intimacy' the evening before a demanding physical activity such as a marathon or an epic final battle will improve a woman’s performance, but damage a man’s, the following day. Night before the comet Zutara, Lemon, One-shot, PWP

Capture The Spirit by Jennibare

Rated M 1K words Completed 2011

The Painted Lady has been captured by the Blue Spirit and must be punished for her wrongdoings in the Fire Nation. M for dubcon, language, and sexual situations. Written for the "half-a'd game" at capslock zutara. Full description inside

Trigger Warning: Dubcon

The Ocean Takes Me In by Babyfairy

Rated M 5K words Completed 2017

She swallows hard, releasing a shuddering breath, and nods. "Perfect," She whispers, and Zuko is sure that his heart is gone now, wrapped up in her hands.

Steam Bent by Lalunanocturnal

Rated E 5K words Completed 2020

Only the Avatar can master all four elements. But Katara can love all four.

When Katara realizes she can learn more about each nation through intimacy, she figures why not give it a try. But she is saving Fire for last... and Zuko may be the perfect candidate. If you can’t bend all the elements, may as well sleep with them, for enlightenment of course.

For Zutara Week 2020 - Prompts: Fuse, Celestial, Affirm

Clarity by Bluenebulae

Rated M 6K words Complete 2020

There’s something strangely familiar about Katara’s Tinder date.

Blowing Off Steam by Smediterranea

Rated E 3K words Completed 2020

This wasn’t like Katara. Karata was responsible. Katara was organized. Some people might call her a wet blanket, but Katara knew the value of putting work before fun. She had her priorities in order.

Katara had not considered herself to be someone who would have earth-shattering sex with a guy whose name she didn’t even know. But here she was, certain that she had never made a better decision in her life.

An AU one-shot of Katara getting familiar with a certain handsome guy who lives down the hall

Condensation by Smediterranea

Rated E 3K words Completed 2020

“Zuzu!” Azula says, barely containing a laugh. “Did you have a one night stand? I’m so proud I could cry.”

“Shut up,” he growls. “And that’s not what I meant. I know who she is I just… don’t really know how to contact her.”

“You didn’t get her number,” Mai says disapprovingly. “Rookie mistake.”

Zuko groans. Getting scolded by his ex-girlfriend on not being able to properly hook up with someone is more than his fragile ego can bear.

AU College, follow up to Katara and Zuko's one night stand in Blowing Off Steam

[tell me what happens next] by Ephemerall

Rated E 617 words Completed 2020

She hadn’t told him yet – hadn’t given voice to what she felt squeezing her heart every time she looked at him. He had told her ages ago, it seemed, that he loved her, and that it was ok that she didn’t love him back. She never corrected his erroneous assumption.

Drink It In by Boudica Muse

Rated E 11K words Completed 2020

Fire Lord Zuko gathers friends and acquaintances from all over the world for a masquerade to celebrate his birthday. Strangely, he's nowhere to be found at the party, but that won't stop Katara from having a good time.

Agni's Fever by Orphan_account

Rated E 7K words Completed 2013

She decides that she loves him for both the fire lilies and the brimstone on his breath. Oneshot. Zutara.

Zuko’s hands snag around her wrists. His body is a long line of tension, and now that he’s reared up on his knees to match her stance, she notices that his chest is as bare as it is soaked. “You can’t even begin to understand what’s happening to me."

“I’m trying to understand,” Katara grits. “Isn’t that what you wanted from me from the very beginning?”

Taken by a Faceless Stranger by Delectate

Rated M 11K words Completed 2011

Season 2 oneshot, between "Zuko Alone" and "The Chase". Katara thinks she knows all there is to know about a certain masked warrior. Bluetara. Written for Zutara Week 2011. Rated M for mature.

Here's To The Broken Ones by Airiustide

Rated M 3K words Completed 2020

Trouble seems to follow Katara wherever she goes. Maybe she likes trouble. *Maybe you are trouble*, Zuko once told her.

They tell themselves this isn't love, that nothing more can come from two souls bound for different paths. One thing we can be sure of in this story, Zuko and Katara have a hard time keeping promises.

Shimmering Scarlet Scales by Hippomatrix

Rated T 7K words Completed 2016

Katara never thought she'd see a dragon. They were thought to be extinct. Yet here she was, healing a dragon she'd found in the woods (of burn wounds no less) and letting him follow her home. She didn't mean to bond with him, but that's what happened, and he became her constant companion and protector. If only it had stayed that simple.

Lonely Hearts Club by iRockYourSocks

Rated M 1K words Completed 2013

Katara was ready, albeit unhappy, for her new life as the wife of a northern warrior. A fateful trip to Ember Island opens her eyes to an alternative path in life.

Moonlight by evergreentrees

Rated E 2K words Completed 2017

Zuko didn't think that his usual nightly walk would end up with him in the same pond as Katara. Naked.

(Set in that limbo time between "The Southern Raiders" and the finale)

Shut Up by Sood (mbwff)

Rated E 3K words Completed 2015

Zuko and Katara can't cooperate on anything. Up until a week ago, they couldn't even share the same air.

----

ITS A TENT SHARING THING

To drown in you is an honor by Sood (mbwff)

Rated E 1K words Completed 2016

He, surely, is dreaming. Katara is surely not currently making idle patterns in the drying come on his chest. He is definitely not still breathing heavily from an orgasm that she, a girl who recently hated him, has caused.

---

Zuko reciprocates.

Bonus day: Tea Shop by Cincilin

Rated E 11K words Completed 2017

"Hello and welcome to the Jasmine Dragon. Today's special is—" he cut himself of with a sharp intake of breath, at the same moment that Katara placed the voice and looked up.

'He has hair.' was her first thought. Then the rest of her brain caught up with her and she started to get up, sending Momo scrambling to hide under the table.

Season 2 AU, during "The Guru", messes around with the timeline a bit, and with Upper Ring architecture.

I'm not playing by Mila (zkalone)

Rated M 1K words Completed 2020

His golden eyes darken, and he wraps an arm around her slim shoulders, pulling her from the hallway. “That didn’t look too friendly to me, Katara.” The way he says her name causes shivers to run down her spine. Tugging her by the wrist to the back staircase, he drops his bag to the floor, and hers follows.

///

In which Zuko is jealous of Katara's interactions with Jet, and she decides to make it up to him.

Lay me down by Damapintada

Rated E 3K words Completed 2020

“Zuko?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, what is it?” He asks, curiosity piqued.

Her fingers continue their path along the toned planes of his chest, before she says, “Remember a few months ago, when we did that thing with the ties?”

OR

Katara ties Zuko up and has her way with him.

I can feel it in my bones by Marked Mage

Rated E 5K words Completed 2020

Zuko's not planning to get drunk tonight. However, his demise comes in the form of tantalizing brown skin and deep blue eyes, and well, he's never been good at keeping promises.

Zutara week, day three: Fuse

Tumblr Smut Prompt: Hit the Showers by AWildJaxWrites

Rated E 3K words Completed 2020

Anon asked for trapped in a locker room and shower sex.

A locked door can make people bold.

Blue On Blue by Dyce

Rated M 7K words Completed 2013

After four years of traveling with Aang, Katara disappears. Not long after, word comes to the Fire Lord that a female Blue Spirit is performing healing miracles in his kingdom. It doesn't take Zuko long to put two Blue Spirits together.

Here's To The Broken Ones by Airiustide

Rated E 3K words Completed 2020

Trouble seems to follow Katara wherever she goes. Maybe she likes trouble. *Maybe you are trouble*, Zuko once told her.

They tell themselves this isn't love, that nothing more can come from two souls bound for different paths. One thing we can be sure of in this story, Zuko and Katara have a hard time keeping promises.

Embrace by Alexb49

Rated M 3K words Completed 2010

Katara stumbles across a familiar boy out on a date in Ba Sing Se. Set during S2 episode "Tales of Ba Sing Se". Rated M for mature content of a sexual nature. Pairing: Katara/Zuko. Written for the Zutarotica 2010 Summer Challenge.

The Solace of Night by goldilocks23

Rated E 5K words Completed 2020

The Southern Water Tribe Ambassador's diplomatic visits coincidentally coincide with sightings of the Painted Lady and the Blue Spirit.

[brelione]

Henry Bowers (Rafe,Topper,Kelce X Reader)

Warnings:Smut,mentions of bulimia,laxatives,IT 2017 spoilers.

Series Masterlist

Heavy footsteps walked up to your door,turning the knob with a glove covered hand.The footsteps trailed through your house,hearing the screams,laughed and splashing from outside.A large yellow envelope was placed on the kitchen countertop,likcing their lips and taking in a big nervous breath fro they had never been inside your house before.

They knew a lot about you from a certain brunette that spoke so fondly of you,not having anything other to talk about besides how fantastic you were.They should’ve ran out once the task was completed,instead finding themselves jogging up the stairs and ending up in your bedroom.Brown eyes looked around,falling onto a boxed action figure on your dresser,a small smile coming across their soft features.

They saw a bedside table with drawers in it,pouting as they walked over to open the drawers and look through them.A stack of photos,a box of laxatives,colored pencils,spare phone chargers and a handful of tampons.They picked up the stack of photos,looking over to the door every couple of moments as they flipped through them,smiling at the memories that were trapped on the polaroids.There were dates across the bottom of each photo.

In the older ones you appeared empty on the inside,eyes struggling to stay open and a forced smile on your face.The more recent ones were completely different though.Smiling so wide that your eyes squinted,seeming to be more healthy,your eyes holding nothing but joy.Most of the photos didn't even have you in them.Topper appeared in a lot of them,a big goofy grin on his face.In others he looked surprised,not knowing that you were photographing him.

They noticed one thing that really stood out.No parents in the photos,literally nobody outside of the teenage boys.In all of the photos of Kelce he was cooking,smiling or holding you on his shoulders or had you in his lap.The ones with you and Rafe were different though.The one that made them laugh was of Rafe on the floor,your legs on his shoulders to keep him still as you braided his hair,his eyes focused on the tv and not even caring what you were doing.

There were tons of photos from beach days,Rafe wearing sunglasses as he stared down at a triple decker sandwich.The most recent one at the back of the pile was dated a few days ago and was a photo of Topper,asleep on the couch with a bit of drool on his chin,a pillow held tight to his chest in nothing but pajama pants.

They put the photos back where they had originally been,standing up carefully.Thats when they heard the slider door open,cursing under their breath.Water dripped from your hair as you stepped inside your kitchen,Topper close behind you with a towel wrapped around his waist. “I'm cold as hell.”You sighed,pulling the towel over your shoulders,the air conditioning making goosebumps form on your legs.

Rafe closed the slider door,a few water drops falling from his hair and dripping down his nose. “I'm gonna go change,i'll be back.”You told them,going up the stairs slowly,the towel slipping off of you.When you got into the bedroom you sighed,looking at the mess you had made.You looked over the scattered clothes,your eyes finding one of Topper’s sweatshirts that you had taken a few months back when he had slept over.

You peeled the wet t shirt off along with the bathing suit under it,wrapping the wet clothes in the towel before pulling the hoodie over your cold body,sighing at the warm feeling before pulling on a pair of underwear.Little did you know that someone was under your bed,their hand covering their mouth as they hoped you wouldn't hear them.You didnt,leaving your room and shutting the door behind you,going back downstairs.

Your wet hair was making the back of the hoodie wet,you couldn't really feel it through the thick material though. “Hey,(Y/N)?”Topper called out to you as you were about to sit on the couch.You sighed,grabbing your phone and putting it in the pocket of your hoodie.You went into the kitchen,confused as to why they were staring at your countertop.

 “What?”You asked,taking a seat opposite from them,frowning as you saw the envelope. “This wasn't here before.”You looked at your name in sharpie,not sure where it had come from. “I know it wasn't,so why is it here now?”Topper asked.You shrugged,just as clueless as the boys.You opened it,seeing two stacks of twenty dollar bills and a piece of notebook paper. “What the fuck?”Kelce picked up one of the stacks,flicking the green paper.

You pulled out the notebook paper,the message written in blue pen. “Do what you want just dont be mad.You have to live your life and i have to live mine.I can't live my life with you and clearly you don't need me to live yours.I still love you so dont lie and say I don't.I'll pay the bills and shit til you're 23,then you're on your own.You use this money to cover groceries and clothes and whatever,just don't drag me into this.This’ll be the last time you hear from me.Please don't try and talk to me and I won't try and talk to you.”It was rushed,written in big letters to make the page seem more full.

It didn't need a signature for you to know who it came from.At least you didn't have to worry about paying bills and losing your house now.You couldnt believe how fast things were falling apart. “What?What does it say?”Topper asked,coming up behind you to read it over your shoulder.

 “Oh,you’ve gotta be kidding.I hope she gets fucked in the ass with a sword.”You slammed the note down,looking at the stacks of money. “But how’d this get inside the house?Shouldn't it be out in the mailbox?”Rafe asked,going over to your living room window and looking out,eyes widening when he saw the silver car. “Were you expecting someone else?”Rafe asked,gaining your attention.You went over next to him,heart dropping when you saw the car.

 “No-shit!Was the front door unlocked?”You asked Rafe,the last person to come inside.His eyes widened,going over and twisting the doorknob. “Fuck.”He whispered,looking up at the staircase. “Is someone in the house?”Topper asked,his hand immediately going onto your shoulder,almost like a way to protect you. “I dont fucking know?What do we do?Call the cops?”You whispered,looking over to Kelce.Rafe’s eyes widened.

 “Fuck no!Do you know how much shit we have here that we could get in trouble for?”He asked,going back into the kitchen to grab a knife. He was probably talking about the fact that he had hard drugs on him.Either that or he was also hiding a gun in your house.

You wouldnt really be surprised if that were ture at this point.“Hey,hey-the car is backing out!”Topper told you,pulling you back over to the window,seeing the car speed off. “Fucking shit-what if they put cameras in the house?”You asked,locking the door.Rafe licked his lips,putting the knife away and jogging upstairs.He looked into your room,not seeing anything changed.

Topper hugged you tight,telling you to stay calm. “Clearly whoever it was wasn't trying to kill you,they just wanted to leave that here.”As scary as it was he was probably right.But you couldn't help the fear that whoever it was might come back.Clearly they had ties to your mother,maybe even worked for her or something.

Rafe went through your drawers,seeing the stack of polaroids,seeing the box of laxatives next to it. “What the fuck?”He whispered,picking it up to see that it was half empty.He remembered you keeping laxative pills with you all the time during freshman year.

The four of you had gone to the beach and they all wanted to get ice cream and peer pressured you into getting some as well.You had eaten it quickly,excusing yourself to go to the bathroom and sticking three fingers to the back of your throat.You gagged a few times,nothing coming up which caused you to begin to panic.

Your breathing got quick,trying to figure out what to do when you remembered the pills in your pocket,popping five out and swallowing them,sitting on the toilet,tears running down your face as you cursed and hoped that it would come out.

Once the job was done you had let out a loud sigh,wiping yourself clean,your thighs hurting from how long you had been on the uncomfortable toilet seat.You put the bag of pills back into your pocket,leaving the bathroom to see the boys still sitting at a picnic table,waiting for you.

You had went to go back and sit down next to Topper,unaware that the bag was partially hanging out of your pocket.He had noticed it,deciding to pull it out,frowning at the tablets. “What the hell are these?”He asked,shaking the bag back and forth.

Rafe and Kelce looked up,Rafe became intrigued and pulled the bag away,holding the clear material to his palm.He knew that it wasn't xanax or some strange type of pain killer. “Um….those are laxatives...for stomach aches.”You answered,tugging the bag back and putting it back into your pocket.

He stomped down the stairs,box in hand. “Why do you have this?”He asked,holding up the box.Your heart beat sped up at his furious tone,seeing the box,feeling sick.You didnt know why you felt that way,you didn't even have them for a bad reason.Now all eyes were on you and waiting for an explanation,Topper’s arms not so tight.

 “You see….sometimes when i'm on my period I get really constipated so I use those to help myself out.”You explained,feeling yourself getting hot.Rafe bit his lip,nodding while Kelce scoffed. “You use those!Those are so bad for you-you’ll actually shit your pants if you take too much at once.You should drink hot lemon water instead,it's natural and so much better.”He huffed,running a hand through his wet hair.

You just nodded,licking your lips. “You guys will stay here tonight,right?”You asked,hoping that at least Rafe would be able to stay.As much as you loved Top and Kelce they were both pussies most of the time.But then again you were too,you couldn't really be mad at them.Topper frowned,realising that he’d have to head home at some point tonight so that is mom didn't think that he died.Rafe would probably be in deep shit for leaving the party and taking the jetski but he was more worried about you than what his father was going to do to him.

Kelce bit the inside of his cheek,nodding. “I think I can,I have to leave in the morning though.Rafe?”He asked,looking over to the tall boy.Rafe sighed,crossing his arms. “Yeah,I can stay over.”He answered,glancing at the door to make sure that it was locked one more time.

His muscles were flexed,the vein in his forehead sticking out slightly as it always did when he was stressed. “I’m going to go change,you pick a movie.”He picked up the box of laxatives again,going back upstairs.He went into the bathroom,putting on his shirt and boxers,pulling the bag of white powder out of the shorts,staring at it.

He had gotten pissed about the laxatives because you used them to hurt yourself and hurt your health yet he was doing the exact same thing.He stared at it for a while,becoming angry at how bad he was fucking up not only his own life but the lives of everyone else around him.

He jumped when a soft knock came from the otherside of the door,standing up carefully and dropping the little bag onto his shorts,opening the door a crack to see you standing there. “Dude,hurry the fuck up you take like ten years to change.”You huffed,looking up at him.He let out a low,nervous chuckle. “Yeah,sorry.”He muttered,still staring at you.

 “I’ll be down in a minute.”He went to shut the door,only for you to speak again. “You have sweatpants here if you want.”You remembered the loose,soft gray pants in your closet that he had left in your bathroom at the beginning of May.

He licked his lips,slipping out of the bathroom and closing the door behind him.You went into your room,going to open your closet when a thought came to mind. “rafe.”You whispered,making him look up from his boxers,hoping you wouldn't notice his obvious boner.

 “Did you check the closet?”You whispered to him,making his heart drop.Fuck.He grabbed you by the wrist,pushing you behind him,his hand on the closet door knob. “Shit-fuck-okay-okay-3-2-1.”He swung the door open,stepping back quickly,standing in front of you like a human shield. “Oh-oh there’s no one in there.”He calmed down,letting go of you and letting out a loud sigh.

You still gripped his arm,fingernails scratching against his skin,not helping with his boner that you were so close to him.You let out a sigh of relief,stepping forward and reaching up onto the shelves,grabbing the pants that you wore when you were alone sometimes.

THose pants with Topper’s hoodie was probably the best combination ever.You turned to hand them to him,only to find that he was practically pushed up against you. “Did you pick a movie?”He asked,taking the pants that he hadnt seen in a while.You nodded,pushing him back with your pointer finger so you could close your closet door,trying not to watch as he pulled the gray pants up his legs. 

“What movie?”He asked,tying the drawstrings to keep them in place but that didnt help you take your eyes oof of him,able to see the outline in the light material. “IT.”You answered,hopping over your bed and opening your drawer,checking for your polaroids.Thank god whoever had come into your house hadnt taken them.

He chuckled,shaking his head. “Yeah,no.You’re not gonna survive through that,pussy.”He answered,walking out of the room quickly before you could register what he had said to you.You grinned,running down the stairs and chasing after him,eventually getting a grip of his shirt. “Dont run on the stairs,guys!”Kelce shouted,hearing the pounding of footsteps.

Your hand was still tight on Rafe’s shirt,not letting go of him. “You’re giving me those pants back,right?”You asked quietly,letting go of him. “Uhh...these are my pants.”He answered,hands in the pockets.You shook your head. “No,not anymore.”You ended the conversation,slipping past him and going to sit on the couch,stopping to close the living room blinds.

Kelce was sipping a ginger ale in the kitchen,Topper had gone into the guest room,changing back into his clothes.You sat on the couch,holding a pillow to your chest,the movie already prepared and all you needed to do was press the ‘ok’ button for the horror that would probably haunt your mind for the next three months to begin playing.

 “Im fucking serious,you’re gonna cry in the first five minutes.”Rafe grinned,laying down on the couch with his legs across your lap.Topper walked out of the guest room,immediately agreeing. “Like,I love you and all but you’re gonna start screaming and crying and then you’re gonna wake us up at three in the morning freaking out.”Topper plopped down next to you,Kelce taking his spot on the floor with a blanket under him. 

“Im going to bet that she’s gonna scream in the first fifteen minutes.”He grinned,deciding to wrap the blanket around his shoulders and lean against the couch.You rolled your eyes,poking at Rafe’s legs through his pants,playing the movie. “Im gonna say the first five.”Topper placed his bet,earning a smack on the arm from you. “It’s not gonna be that bad.”You told him,rolling your eyes. “Whatever you say.”Topper grinned,watching the movie. 

“Shit….dont fucking chase after-what the fuck?Why?Why is he-OH MY GOD HIS ARM!”You cringed,squeezing Rafe’s shin,grabbing onto Topper’s arm.Kelce was laughing so hard that he was wheezing,watching as you clenched your eyes shut,holding onto Topper for dear life. 

“He’s-oh my god what the hell-I hate it here!”You were screeching,literally about to cry as you gripped Topper’s arm.Kelce laughed,a memory coming to his mind.You two were sitting on your couch,watching Infinity War.You squeezed his bicep,literally sobbing into his hoodie. “Fuck-I hate this movie!”You squeaked,hugging him tightly.He was trying not to cry,sniffling.

 “No-why Peter?Why him?”He sniffled,hugging you tightly,sobbing into your hoodie. “God-Endgame is so much worse.”You gulped,taking in a big breath. “NO!No-not tonight-I cant handle that much pain in one night.”He shook his head,rubbing your sides under your t shirt. “Imagine how tired I am!Imagine how tired I am!”You tried to laugh off the pain,your voice cracking.

As the Losers club walked through the hall,the camera focusing on the Bowers Gang you felt heat rush to your face. “Ooh-he do be kind of cute though.”You grinned,looking at Henry Bowers.Topper and Rafe groaned,Kelce smacking his head off the couch dramatically,pausing the TV. “Is evil brunette the standard?Is that whats happening?”He asked,looking up at you.

 “Wait-are you talking about the creepy one,Draco Malfoy or the mullet guy?”Rafe asked,squinting at the TV screen.You shrugged,biting your lip. “Ummm...yes.”You replied,making Topper roll his eyes. “They’re literally bullies!Why is brunette asshole the standard?”He asked,earning a small laugh from Rafe. “Bucky isnt an asshole!And neither is Peter or Spencer!And Draco Malfoy is blonde!”You exclaimed,bringing the pillow back to your chest.

Topper sighed,dragging you up next to him so he could stretch out his legs. “No,but seriously.Why are your standards so low?Like the bar is on the ground.”Kelce laughed,reaching for the remote and beginning to play the movie again. “Nice frisbee,Flamer!Fuckin losers.”Patrick spoke,your eyes glued on him. “Wait a damn minute-hold on.”You stretched your arm over Kelce’s head,grabbing your phone to search for the cast.

 “Are you seriously doing that right now?”Topper asked,watching as you scrolled through,looking for Henry Bowers.  “Yes,yes I am.”You grinned when you found the name of the actor,searching him on instagram. “Bingo.”You smiled,scrolling through his page. “And you did this for what?”Topper attempted to take away your phone,hissing when you bit at his finger. “Why not?”You shrugged,deciding you could look at his account another time,letting your phone sit on Topper’s chest.

 “Can I play the movie now?”Kelce asked,not waiting for your answer as he started playing it again.For a good amount of the movie you were screaming,holding onto Topper while Rafe laughed at you.After he kept laughing at you while you were freaking out about the painting coming to life and trying to murder Stan you had shifted across the couch,deciding to make Rafe suffer with your screams. 

As Henry began to carve into Ben’s stomach you found yourself giggling. “Wait,why is Henry literally Rafe?”You asked,earning a gasp from Topper,unable to believe that you went there.Rafe’s eyes widened,smacking your arm. “Dont be fucking rude!”He exclaimed,using the iconic line from Keeping Up With The Kardashian. “Are you kidding me?”You asked,smiling.It only took a few minutes for your good mood to go away.

“Oh my god-NO!NOT PATRICK!FUCK-I HATE THIS MOVIE!”You exclaimed,twisting Rafe’s shirt in your fingers. “Do you want to watch something else?”Kelce offered,becoming scared himself.You shook your head,determined to get through the movie. “He cant be actually dead,right?Like he’s gonna show up and it was all a dream,right?”You asked,hoping he’d get more scenes. 

“Can we take a food break?”Topper asked,moving to stand up,nearly kicking Kelce in the head.Kelce smacked his kneecap,rolling across the carpet to let the blonde stand.You glared at him.Clearly he didn't understand your attraction to the brunette sociopath or even care that he was dead.

Rafe moved you off of him,kissing your forehead before getting up as well but you stayed glued to the couch. “Are you coming?”Topper asked,standing in the doorway where the living room met the dark kitchen. “Turn on the light first.”you told him,grabbing your phone off the couch,trying not to look over to the dark staircase.

Topper nodded,getting nervous as he realized just how dark the kitchen was,getting even more nervous when he remembered the light switch was a good eight feet away.Rafe grew impatient,walking across the kitchen with his fingertips grazing the wall until he found the switch,flicking the yellowish lights on.You let out a sigh of relief,sitting at your kitchen table as they raided your fridge and cabinets. 

“This is trash,you don't have shit!Can we get McDonalds or something?”Rafe asked,looking over to you for permission.You huffed,scrolling through Nicolas Hamilton’s instagram. “I'm not driving-Rafe you’re not driving either and don't you dare give me that look!”You squinted at him as he made puppy dog eyes at you,trying to persuade you.

 “I can drive.”Kelce reached into his pocket for his keys only to be stopped by you. “At night?You hit a stop sign last time.”You reminded him,trying to think if you had any snacks hidden anywhere.Topper took the keys from Kelce,offering to drive.He was pretty okay at driving at night except for that one time that he almost hit a small child. 

“Okay,you and Kelce go and Rafe and I will stay here.”You agreed,glancing over to the slider door,seeing the pool lights were on.They came on automatically after sundown because swimming in a pitch black pool is only for dumb bitches in horror movies. 

“Alright,text me your orders.”Kelce told you,unlocking your front door,Topper behind him. “Don't watch the movie without us!”He shouted,shutting the door behind him,pressing the lock button on the key pad.Rafe sighed,sitting down at the table,his elbows resting on the wood.An awkward,tense silence filled the room,neither of you knowing what to say. 

“So….how have you been,besides,you know?”He asked,trying not to sound rude.He couldnt flat out ask “oh so like,are you having a relapse and thoughts of purging?’.You kind of understood what he was getting at,shrugging. “Its just a bad day,my stomach fuckin hurts now.”You touched the skin through the fabric of the hoodie,bruises on your flesh from where you had punched yourself.

He looked down at the floor,pulling the chair across the tile so he was in front of you,going to pull up the hoodie and see how bad they were.He let out a sigh,frowning as he noticed the darker purple parts,yellow and red spots from how hard you had hit yourself. “What happened to healthy coping mechanisms?”He asked,hands on your thighs,looking up at you.

Your hand went to pet his hair as it always did,his blue eyes staring up at you with admiration that you had never noticed. “I'm trying my best,okay?Don't act like you’re not fucked up too.”You mumbled,hearing your phone ding but deciding to ignore it.He sighed,his forehead against your stomach,careful not to touch the bruises.

 “Spencer Reid would want you to have healthy coping mechanisms.”He muttered,pressing feather-like kisses over your bruises,staring up at you.You rolled your eyes,leaning back in the chair. “(Y/N).”He mumbled,somehow ending up on his knees on the floor,elbows on your thighs looking up at you.You hummed,looking down at him.

He moved upwards,forehead against yours,the memory from your bathroom coming back to him.Your heart sped up,not even knowing what you wanted.He waited a moment before pressing his lips against yours,kissing you gently.You didn't pull away this time,letting it happen,your hand going to his jaw as he kissed you.His hands were under the hoodie that had once belonged to Topper but you had kidnapped it,claiming it as yours.He pulled away for a moment,letting you catch your breath.You leaned down to kiss him again,the feeling was addicting.

Your phone dinged again but you didn't care,too focused on Rafe.He began to place messy kisses down your neck,sucking on your collarbone,your hands tugging at his hair.He smiled,kissing your lips again,biting at your bottom lip lightly and earning a quiet moan from you.He felt himself becoming hard in his sweatpants upon hearing the noise,his hands squeezing your hips.

He pressed one more gentle kiss to your lips,moving down to your underwear,looking at you for consent before peeling them off.You gave him a slight nod to give him permission,making him grin,tugging the light material down your legs.You didnt know how to feel about the current situation.It felt good but at the same time felt wrong like you were betraying Kelce and Topper.

Rafe pressed kisses to your thighs,not wanting to rush into anything. “Rafe.”You mumbled,making him pull away from you immediately,giving you a look of concern. “Be gentle.”You requested,earning a small smile from him. “Of course.”He replied,pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll stop whenever you want,I promise.”He whispered,going back down between your thighs.

A shiver ran up your spine when he licked a stripe through your folds,testing you.He glanced up at you,watching your reactions as the tip of his tongue rolled over your sensitive bud,a smirk on his face when you let out a moan.He started to pick up the pace,not going too fast or too slow,his tongue lapping at your core,your hands tugging at his hair,fingernails grazing his scalp. “God,you’re so fucking stunning.”He whispered.

He put a finger inside of you,moving it in and out quickly.Your phone ringed,scaring you a bit.Rafe just smirked,putting another finger inside of you,a moan ripping through your throat. “You should answer that.”He told you,looking over to your vibrating phone on the table.

You licked your lips,gaining the strength to move,grabbing your phone and seeing that Kelce was calling you,cursing. “Shit-Hello?”You answered,trying to keep your voice steady as Rafe sped up. “Dude!I’ve been trying to call you for like three minutes!Didnt you get my texts?”He asked.You bit your lip,trying to contain your moans. “Shit,sorry.”You mumbled,your hand covering your mouth,eyes rolling back in your head as Rafe began to suck on your clit,adding a third finger.

 “I didn't know what you wanted so I got you two happy meals,a McFlurry,a McChicken and like,four sauces.Is that okay?”He asked,waiting for your answer. “Yeah,that's fine.Where are you guys now?”You asked,feeling Rafe’s fingers quicken,going deep inside you to places you had never been able to reach on your own.

 “Umm...like five minutes away.Im gonna need you to unlock the door though,our hands will be full.”He noticed something was wrong with your voice,figuring that you were just paranoid. “Yeah,okay.I’ll see you when you get here.”You hung up the phone,letting out a moan when Rafe began to go hard,biting his lip as he listened to you. “Shit,Rafe.”You whimpered,clenching around his fingers as you climaxed,your head falling back as your liquids got onto Rafe’s fingers and all over the chair,a satisfied smile on his face.

 “Five minutes until they get here?”He asked,sucking your taste off of his fingers with a slight blush on his cheeks,grabbing some napkins to wipe you and the chair off. You were still recovering,a panting and sweating mess,your underwear on the floor. “You okay?”He asked,helping you get your underwear back on,pushing a few fallen locks of hair back,kissing the top of your head.

 “Yeah.”You answered,feeling heavy,your legs tingling.He grabbed you a pepsi from your fridge,opening it and handing it to you.You sipped it,the hoodie making you feel even more hot,wanting to take it off. “I’ll be more gentle,next time...if you want.”He mumbled,leaning down to kiss you again.Next time?

You just had to hope that he wouldn't tell Kelce or Topper about this,it wasn't an innocent kiss or a deep conversation.It was something that could easily tear apart the friend group if they ever found out. “Rafe.”You spoke,even though he was already paying attention to you. “Can we keep this a secret?”You asked.You saw a flash of something in his blue eyes,not sure if it was hurt or disappointment.He nodded though,agreeing.

 “Yeah,of course.”He sighed,trying his best to fix his hair,trying not to look too messy.Your eyes trailed down to the obvious boner that was barely concealed by the sweatpants,eyes becoming wide. “I can help you with that later...if you want.”You offered,making his cheeks and neck become red. “Okay.”He nodded,taking the can of pepsi and stealing a sip of the soda.You heard what sounded like either a head or an elbow hit your door repeatedly,along with a “FBI OPEN THE FUCK UP!”.

Rafe opened the door for you,figuring you were probably too weak to get up at the moment.Kelce almost dropped the ice cream,putting it in front of you. “For the princess.”He placed the two happy meal boxes in front of you,Topper putting paper grease stained bags down in the center of the table.Rafe sat next to you,a small smirk on his face,his hand on your knee as he grabbed a burger from a large bag with the other,squeezing your leg lightly before letting go,eating as he normally would.

Topper kept glancing between the two of you,noticing that something was different.His eyes widened,noticing a tiny mark on your neck,putting two and two together.When he noticed Rafe finishing his first burger he put a smile on his face,hands on the table. “Rafe,could I talk to you for a minute?”He asked.

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[theprologues]

Is that NYC Anon for real!?

"I rent a place on Cornelia I say casually in the car..." A bitch rented that place June 2016. Clearly she had contemplated with her significant other/person BEFORE moving to Cornelia Street—before Toe. She re-prioritized her life that was going down hill like a f*cking landslide. Rent a place. Renovate Tribeca residence for her and her true love. Toe has ZERO to do with New York. He was offered a long-term contract because Taylor wanted to protect what she was trying to rebuild with Karlie so they could become more open together like before, but then election 2016, which fully forced them to go dark.

Think about this:

Kaylor's Their first single public outing was MARCH 2016! It had been an entire year since that happened without chaperones and she captions a picture, "my FAVORITE person to DANCE with (DWOHT)." Beach Stunt trip with CH. Names written in sand 😏 CH get (+) not (❤).

APRIL: Taylor changed her hair to platinum, started wearing chokers—and stars. Went to Coachella. Vegas for Twins bday. Karlie is there. Britney's wedding, gives a wonderful speech about love enduring and being a new page, and mention being in a magical "relationship." Sure not Calvin. 🤣

MAY: Met Gala Technology/Music themed. Taylor was a host with Idris Elba(oh... yes, London Boy Idris). It was also a set of for her "prison break" from CH (Getaway Car) and she 💃 to September by Earth, Wind, Fire with **cough** KK & TH.

JUNE: Breaks up with Calvin, moves into Cornelia Street and BOOM in comes TOM. HiddleSwift✈ 🛩 🛬 🛫

JULY: 4th of July!! Celebrity party. "Karlie's Made in America caption." 🎆 "I ❤ T.S" was born Kimye tapes/receipts. HiddleSwift ✈ 🛩 🛬 🛫. The TIWYCF drama. (LWYMMD).

AUGUST: Taylor practically MIA this month, but shows her face in the Hamptons for a Karlie-Mikey joint bday party. Wishes Karlie a happy birthday with a big "I LOVE YOU KARLIE...!" Sends her Sunflowers 🌻 and a sweet moment is captured via Skype with the sunset. ❤(KOMH). Mystery ranch trip. They both show back up in the city at the same time. Media trys pitting Karlie against Taylor with the Kimye drama. VMA snub by CH. (Apocalypse!)

SEPTEMBER: HiddleSwift breaks up! Taylor looks overjoyed to be free—but clearly has tricks up her sleeve. The Kanye concert "f*ck Taylor Swift"on his tilted stage. (LWYMMD)

OCTOBER: Dinners w/friends, private Kings of Leon Concert, Halloween party, "It's all part of the fucking story—K ALONE" is born. In comes Toe(he is snapped by paps) and saves in the drafts for later. Karlie shows up the next night (also pap'd). The Bowery and Lovers Bar. ALL PAP'D! (Delicate) is crafted literally the day after based on the 🌟 ⭐ tattoo she had worn around her neck. 😏 Drakes Birthday party. Angel wings tats, 🌟 on Kaylor wrist. 3rd poloroid?? (L.A.)

NOVEMBER: Baby Lorde's 20th birthday. Two Angels kissing her cheek. Trump Wins. Kaylor fades to black in public. (NYC). Taylor was being called all kinds of derogatory names for not speaking out during the election. A mess. Jerk and Austin Pap'd walked before election results.

DECEMBER: Karlie post Taylor birthday post about her being blessed to call Taylor friend, sister and partner in crime. (REPUTATION is almost done). Taylor releases her collab with Zayn. Karlie also post a 🐨 from Australia on Taylor's birthday ironically "I'm never leaving". (NYD anyone). Taylor surprised a 90 year old fan who lives in Missouri after Christmas. Yes, Missouri..not LONDON. She was also wearing the same jacket she wore for the Delicate Virticle Spotify video.

JANUARY: Taylor practically goes ghost mostly until her concert in TX in February 2017. By this time. Reputation is practically done. At least 6 months ahead planner she is and album has to be done before she starts planning video. It was also supposed to come out earlier than it did.

You know how the story goes... she pulls her PR out right in time. MAY!!! Pap'd in Nashville on a Balcony. Yeah... in Nashville. Never happens. 👀

So, tell me again what Toe is for? And how NYC is relevant to him?? It is all planned literally to the T!

I may have missed some details. This was from the top of my head. You get the gist though.

Why she dissappeard? She has told us.

TOE was the escape from the 4+ years she knew what the state of our country would be in and the horrible situation Karlie was stuck. She knew it was going to be a long road.

She will come back from Neverland soon. I have faith.

Thank you for this! The detail! 

Also she recorded KOMH in August 2016 how can you write a song like that after meeting someone once in passing and then dating someone else???