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luciddownloading · 7 months

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Mercury Aspects and Sense of Humor

Aspects to your Mercury (as well as its sign and house placement) say a lot about your sense of humor: how you're funny and what you find funny. If you have many varying aspects to Mercury, you express your humor in many different ways. You also might just be ridiculously funny.

Sun conjunct Mercury: The Funny Guy (or Gal). These people identify with their humor so they seek a lot of validation for being funny. This can make them a constant Joker. "Why so serious?" they ask. "Because everything isn't a damn joke!" you may reply. But, they like taking the piss out of everything and everyone, themselves included. This can be a source of insecurity, too, though. They may feel as if they are always being laughed at, not with, even when it's not convenient.

Moon-Mercury aspects: Naturally funny. Seriously, some of the most hilarious people you'll ever meet (I might be a little biased as I have the sextile 😁). Humor is their intuitive response, so they react in very funny ways, sometimes unintentionally. VERY quick-witted. Needs to feel free to joke/laugh or engage with witty people to feel comfortable. The soul of a comedian. Can use humor to heal or comfort others. Either laughs off/through their feelings or do NOT laugh at them when they're having an emotional moment or they will hurt you.

Mercury conjunct Venus: Pleasing humor. Wins people over through jokes and laughter. May be fond of "corny" humor because it's very inoffensive, wholesome and oddly charming. Can make the worst puns or lamest jokes sound hilarious. Sometimes, people laugh with them just because they like them so much, not because of the joke itself. Observers may think, "Um, calm down, he/she isn't that funny." Very common with their love interests or people they date. Easily falls for very witty individuals.

Mercury-Mars aspects: Potty mouths. Vulgar humor that only they can get away with. If people are rubbed the wrong way, it only amuses them more. An expert at making sex jokes or telling hilarious stories about their sex lives. Funny people of their preferred sex(es) turn them on. Savagely skilled at sassy comebacks that will shut the other person up. Legendary roast sessions or reads. Can go on very funny rants whenever they are pissed off or worked up.

Mercury-Jupiter aspects: The clown. Big and broad humor. Loves being a silly goose. Doesn't care if you find it funny or not. It's hilarious to them! Most likely to have an unstoppable laughing fit over something stupid. Will fail the "try not to laugh" challenge. They can't hold it in! Their humor is like sunshine on a cloudy day. Like to uplift people with jokes. Even their laughter is like a healing medicine. Possibly has a distinct laugh and a huge one, at that.

Mercury-Saturn aspects: Dry wit. The absolute masters of sarcasm. It's like their second (or native) language. People sometimes don't know when they're joking and take them seriously. On the flip side, they get really annoyed when people make a joke out of something that they're taking seriously. Sophisticated humor. If American, they might really love British humor and comedians. Making jokes out of difficult situations but in a cynical or "I hate my life" way. Only gets funnier as they get older. Takes things less seriously with age and learns to use humor as a coping strategy.

Mercury-Uranus aspects: Offbeat humor. Other people sometimes don't "get" their humor. Can feel alienated in that way until they meet a fellow weirdo who laughs at the same things they do. Then, it's like "Thank God! I've found my people!" Super-quick, when it comes to telling jokes, comebacks, or getting the joke. Will laugh at things that go over other people's heads. Comedic genius: brilliant bits or wild one-liners. Might get off on controversial jokes or laughing at things they know they shouldn't. Frequently guilty of knee-jerk laughter in inappropriate moments.

Mercury-Neptune aspects: A chameleon-like wit. Can be dry, goofy, odd, offensive or wholesome in their humor, depending on the environment/audience. May write very funny screenplays or novels or be a great comedic actor. The hilarious main character of their own ongoing movie. Tells a lot of jokes to themselves, in their head or in private. Most likely to laugh out loud in public at an internal joke and look a bit crazy. Cracks themselves up. May imagine cracking others up or getting caught up in wacky situations.

Mercury-Pluto aspects: Dark comedy. "Wow, that was fucked up. Funny but fucked up." Might tell themselves that or be told that by others. Can keep some jokes to themselves because other people couldn't handle them. May think they're just joking around but destroys someone psychologically and triggers their trauma with a single quip. Sometimes, though, that's the intention. Mean streak may come out via humor in a way that horrifies them or they regret later. Or they just own it. SHADE, okay? More shade than a oak tree. It's giving Real Housewives or Tiffany Pollard. "Hilarious reality show villain" energy.

#mercury in astrology #mercury aspects #mercury astrology #sun conjunct mercury #mercury conjunct venus #mercury mars aspects #moon mercury aspects #mercury jupiter aspects #mercury saturn aspects #mercury uranus aspects #mercury neptune aspects #mercury pluto aspects #astrology #astrology observations

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thatdeadaquarius · 1 year

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i swear, i WAS going to leave you alone for the rest of the day. I thought 'oh no, you've bothered them enough for the day, wait until tomorrow' (they did not, in fact, wait until tomorrow) however i had thoughts and wanted to share them with you! 😊

concept: I was scrolling through some of your previous posts for a second time today (still all very cool and awesome btw) and the one about the reader saying swear words without knowing what they are kinda stuck with me.

So lets reverse it! You, the creator, fall into teyvat and CAN speak the common language there, while also still remembering your own native language. and so your native tongue becomes super holy to them (eg. 'omg, the creator is speaking in their holy tongue, lets all listen and nod')

Unfortunately, this has its drawbacks, especially because the majority of the times you speak in your native tongue you are cussing out everyone.

3 potential scenarios have stemmed from my brain because of this.

You getting annoyed at your worshippers and yelling at them, then afterwards they all thank you for blessing them

Swearing so often that the people around you start to pick up on the words and now all of your worshippers are parroting swear words at really important events, while you try and keep a straight face

Accidently teaching one of the kids swear words and then klee starts saying 'fuck' all the time and the adults are all like 'thank you for teaching klee one of your divine words, it truly is a blessing. what does it mean though?' and you're just sitting there like 😅

also thanks for being so nice about my shenhe post :) i love her so much <33

NOO dont worry abt it!! Ill just answer whenever i got the time!! I definitely dont mind multiple asks from the same person dw bby 👍✨️

Here, a cookie for ur time 🤲🍪 PSPSPSSPSPS ITS WORKING THEIR COMING IN, I ALSO HAVE CAKE AND DRINKS!! :D

So this is gonna sound demanding,, BUT SHARE YOUR CONCEPTS AND IDEAS WITH ME ALWAYS YES YES I WANT TO BE THE FIRST TO SEE IT YALL R FEEDING MY SOULLL 🛐

This reverse is so much funnier than the OG way, you have such a BIG BRAIN👏👏

Those scenarios had me fucking laughing my ass off, the BLESSING THEM 😭KLEE 😭 PLEASE-

Also this might be ass writing bc I can’t get rid of my headache rn :/

___________

Look what you've done.

It was so harmless at first, teaching Amber a word or two there bc she was curious abt ur accent,

The reveal that Teyvat's language wasn't your native language.

But that was still manageable, that was still okay

From Amber, to Eula, to Venti, to Kaeya, to Rosaria, to Diluc, to Jean, that information spread slowly but surely

After all, you didn't use it often, no one here in Teyvat even vaguely recognized it (not even a vague similarity from one of the other countries even)

It wasn't like,, shocking to the majority of Mondstadt's residents that you had a different native lang. (nor any of the other countries once they realized you were here, and had a diff native lang.)

I mean, you were the Creator,

why wouldn't there be some ancient powerful holy lang. that only you (or along with some lucky priest/vessel/follower) could understand?

However, it did become a problem when you, as the human experience dictates, got irritated

You see, Teyvat isn’t an easy world to get used to, from the elemental reactions, the huge amount of hostile/active flora and fauna, there was a lot of room (even as favored as you were as the Creator) for accidents

You had already had a few mishaps, asking the waiter to bring you some salt bc ur table didnt have any on accident, bumping into the allogenes who wanted to walk around with you that day when they stopped abruptly

...

But now you can confidently say you can pinpoint the inciting incident in hindsight.

You had been traversing Liyue, and of course, it’s very rocky, even the well beaten paths outside Liyue Harbor were littered with pebbles and stones

So bc theyre respectful sweethearts, Shenhe, Xiao, Zhongli, Ganyu and the rest of the Adepti wnated to have a calm brunch at Cloud Retainer’s Abode w/ u <3

On the way up, bc u insisted normal walking was fine- no Xiao you want to see the sights teleportation isn’t necessary right now- nO Shenhe, really, the walk will be good for you, you don’t need to be carried-

Zhongli.

You are supposed to be a mortal these days, not a 60 meter/feet long dragon-

WHAM (u were so busy telling them to quit it that u werent watching ur path, aint none of their thousands of years old reflexes good enough to save u from being a clumsy fuck)

and your on ur ass.

“Fuck, ow,” immediately Shenhe has swept you up, Ganyu is rambling nervously, Xiao jumped but hasn’t said anything, but you can feel his worry from how tense he is, Zhongli’s hands are hovering, unsure if he should touch, and Shenhe- Shenhe- you can’t breathe-

“Fuck guys stop, I’m fine-”

They;re eyes widen, Zhongli looks a little happier?? wtf all u did was-

oh no.

...

Now, everytime you have dinner with any of the Liyue characters they bow their heads, and in unison “Fuck guys stop I’m fine”

...

And it just got worse.

Bc you spent a few weeks in Liyue, and you had a lot of events to attend, little incidents like this happened everywhere

“Shit!” you drop a tea cup

“Damnit” some miner guy in town dropped his pickaxe loudly

You blame Zhongli and Ningguang.

Fuckers wanted to make sure they showed you utmost respect, so they both remembered every. single. word. of your language you have ever said around them.

Between Zhongli’s memory and elegant appearance, and Ningguang’s influence, your cuss words spread overnight

Families are now sitting around their dinner and thanking you for Teyvat’s bounty of food, “Thank you Creator for our meal, fuck guys stop I’m fine.” the kids and everything 💀

Liyue literally has become the most dirty mouthed city overnight, and they look SO PROUD OF IT 😭 😭

u never telll any of them LMAO

It’s a little rough, but I hope u got smth nice outta this, ur idea was so good I didn’t even wanna add anything but I wanted to show my appreciation for sharing those with me lol

TYSM FOR SHOWING UP AGAIN!!

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

#NEVER hesitate w/ asks #yall will just be like a little surprise gift when i open my mail box <3 #my asks #genshin imagines #genshin impact #ask box open #genshin sagau #genshin sagau ideas #sagau #gender neutral reader #:D #genshin x reader #genshin isekai #genshin god reader

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esutonia · 4 months

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a short tutorial on writing majima-speak

So ya wanna learn how to write Majima-speak, eh? Well, I gotta say, you’ve come to the right place. Or maybe the only place? Dunno how many tutorials’re out there fer this shit. Anyway, sit yer ass down and I’ll give ya the scoop on how to write yer favorite fun guy from Kansai.

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a fluent Japanese speaker. These are all the opinions/observations of an American whose only exposure to the Japanese culture and language has been through anime and video games. I have done my best to research all of these observations before just shoving them into this document, but I probably will make mistakes. Any actual Japanese speakers, please correct me. This isn’t supposed to be an educational guide on the nuances of Kansai-ben. This is only a general tutorial on how to portray the Kansai dialect in English writing.

What is Kansai-ben?

Kansai-ben (or Kansai dialect) is a Japanese dialect primarily spoken in the Kansai region of Japan. Pretty straightforward. Our good friend Majima Goro speaks a version of Kansai-ben that I lovingly refer to as Majima-speak. This is because he doesn’t speak true Kansai dialect—it’s a wobbly mix of Kansai and Tokyo (“standard”) that incorporates elements of both. Ugaki Hidenari, Majima’s voice actor, is from Tokyo himself, and doesn’t speak Kansai-ben natively. However, Majima has a lot of quirky Kansai-isms in his speech that make him stand out from other characters.

Therefore, the focus on writing Majima’s dialogue doesn’t have to be accuracy. We aren’t shooting for a 1:1 translation of Kansai to English, because: 1) that doesn’t exist, and 2) he doesn’t speak perfect Kansai anyway. The point is, we’ve got flexibility.

What makes Majima-speak different from regular Japanese?

There are a lot of cultural and historical nuances that I won’t get into, but in modern Japan, the Kansai dialect is perceived as more comedic or casual than standard Japanese. This is reflected in Sega’s localization of Majima’s voice lines: his are rougher, more crass, and generally funnier than other characters’ lines. If you end up taking nothing else from this guide, at least think rough, crass, and funny when writing Majima. It’s a good place to start.

So how do I write Majima-speak?

There are three tips that I keep in mind while I’m writing dialogue for Majima:

Make sure his lines show more emotion than other characters’ lines.

Use shortcuts wherever possible.

Don’t be afraid to get silly with it.

Let’s elaborate on these tips, shall we?

Make sure Majima’s lines show more emotion than other characters’ lines.

I’d like to use Kiryu as an example here, because he’s by far one of the stiffest-speaking characters in the series. For lack of a better term, Kiryu’s lines are prosaic—they sound more like they were written in a book than spoken by a person. Here’s an excerpt from Kiryu and Majima’s first scene together in Yakuza 2, edited for brevity. Pretend you don’t know what this scene looks like and focus on just the text.

Kiryu: It’s Kiryu. Anybody home? I know you’re here…Show yourself. Majima: It’s been too long…Kiryu-chan! You got any idea how lonely I’ve been since ya got outta the game last year? Oh, but I knew my Kiryu-chan would come home sooner or later! Kiryu: It’s been awhile, Majima-no-niisan. Majima: So, what brings ya here? Kiryu: The Tojo Clan…needs you. Majima: For fuck’s sake…What’s this BS now?! You’re a shitty comedian, Kiryu-chan. Kiryu: I’m serious. The Tojo Clan has never needed you more than now. Please. Majima: No fuckin’ way. Kiryu: Please. Majima: You’re killin’ me, Kiryu-chan! I can’t stand seein’ ya like this! Kiryu: Please, Majima-no-niisan…the Tojo Clan is as good as dead without the Majima Family. Please!

Notice how Majima’s lines are much longer than Kiryu’s and noticeably sound like an actual person said them because they’re more casual. Kiryu basically repeats “please” three times, but each time Majima’s response is different. You’re able to tell that Majima’s incredulous, then annoyed, then upset at Kiryu’s request by the way he adds extra dialogue every time he says “no.” By contrast, you’re not really able to tell how desperate Kiryu is until he starts begging. The main disadvantage with writing is that you’re not able to convey images as clearly through text, so it requires more work to make a character’s emotions show through their dialogue. Majima’s lines are all about emotion, whether it’s real or exaggerated, so make sure the reader is able to tell how he’s feeling without seeing his face.

Use shortcuts whenever possible.

While conveying a character’s emotions through their speech often requires writing longer lines, this does not mean you should waste space or over-explain. The way you can balance this need for emotion with the need for casual dialogue is by using slang and condensing phrases.

English-speakers do this all the time in common conversation. We use contractions (I am = I’m), smash together words (What are you doing? = What’cha doin’?”), and add slang/idioms (“The hour grows late; I shall soon retire” = “It’s getting late, I’m gonna hit the hay”). The key to writing Majima-speak is to use every shortcut possible and then some.

If it’s hard to come up with dialogue on the spot, try thinking about how a guy like Kiryu would say a particular line. Let’s use the example of: “You always were the one guy I couldn’t read.” Then, think about what shortcuts you could potentially make to this sentence. It’s not much, but this sentence could be cut down to: “Y’always were the one guy I couldn’t read.” Doesn’t that already sound more like Majima said it?

Then, add some more emotion to this sentence: “Y’always were the one fucker I could never getta read on.” It sounds affectionate or aggressive, depending on how you spin it. And there you go! We just Majima-modified (Majimodified?) a Kiryu line. With the power of slang and shortcuts, you too can turn regular dialogue into Majima classics.

Don’t be afraid to get silly with it.

Majima’s a silly guy, so of course he’s gonna have his silly moments. The RGG localization team knows this and takes creative liberties to give Majima’s dialogue more life. My favorite example of silliness in translating Majima’s lines to English is this specific line from Yakuza 2:

Majima says: “Doya, Kiryu-chan? Kakko ee yaro?” Which literally translates to something like: “How’s that, Kiryu-chan? I look cool, right?” This line is dripping with Kansai-ben.

But the localization team chose to translate it as “Whaddya think, Kiryu-chan? Ain’t I red-hot?” Which I love. It conveys so much more about Majima’s character in the same amount of words and even adds some more context from the scene itself. They make a pun on “red-hot,” and while “cool” would’ve worked too, this would have made less sense. The point is, don’t be afraid to get wild with it. If it sounds cooler, is probably is.

Finally, here’s a few miscellaneous quirks of Majima-speak and pointers that can help you get that much closer to imitating Majima’s style of speech.

Majima rarely uses “you” pronouns, instead preferring to use nicknames and titles like Kiryu-chan, nee-chan, oyaji, etc. This can be substituted for girlie, kiddo, buddy, idiot, etc.

Don’t replace all the “you”s and “your"s in a sentence with “ya”s and “yer”s. It gets difficult to read if you abuse them.

Majima loves to swear. But again, don’t use them too liberally or you’ll sound like a 12-year-old who just learned what “fuck” means.

Goromi’s speech is a bit more cutesy than Goro’s, but she flips between masculine and feminine pronouns. For the purposes of writing Goromi that’s not terribly important, but keep in mind that she’ll frequently switch between masculine and feminine speaking patterns.

Don’t try to imitate Southern American English (if you aren't familiar with that dialect). I also wouldn't try it in general, but if it helps, it helps.

Edited to add: it's ultimately up to you to decide when/if Majima drops his accent. Personally I reserve it for when he's so emotionally vulnerable he can't keep it up, or when he's being so serious about something he just won't use it.

As a bonus, here is a brief glossary of Kansai-isms that I’ve noticed Majima using, with some examples of their use in context and some suggested translations. Most of these examples are pulled from Yakuza Kiwami 1 and 2, since that’s when he has the most speaking lines and has fully settled into his Mad Dog persona.

Ahō (idiot) = dumbass, bonehead

“Nishida, ya dumbass!”

Beppin (pretty) = stunner, knockout

“Well ain’t ya a rare dish?”

Honma (really) = damn, for real

“For real?! Who are you and what have you done with Kiryu-chan?”

-han (-san)

“Well, now it’s your turn, Legendary Info Dealer-han.”

Akan (not good/must) = gotta be, better not

“That’s why he’s gotta be strong.”

Uchi* (I) = ol’ Goromi, li’l ol’ me

“Just don’t fall too hard for me, okay?”

Ee (good/cool) = badass

“Ain’t I red-hot?”

Ikude (let’s go) = let’s do this shit

“Let’s do this, Kiryu-chan!”

Suman (sorry) = my bad

“This is my bad, Kiryu-chan.”

Anta (you, polite) = ya

“Y’know, up close…you’re pretty damn hot.”

Haw (not really a Kansai-ism but he does like it a lot)

“Haw?”

Nanyatte (what) = what the fuck

“Say what?”

Chau (wrong) = bullshit

“That ain’t what I’m saying.”

Dondon (also not Kansai-ben but he likes this one too. Basically “loud noise”) = clobber, beat the shit outta ya, crack some skulls

“It’s way better if ya fight it out.”

*Uchi is a stereotypical feminine pronoun used in Kansai-ben. Only Goromi uses this one. She also tends to waffle between watashi/ore pronouns.

#yakuza #ryu ga gotoku #rgg #goro majima #majima goro

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who1ssheesh · 1 month

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Fluff Xanxus promts

From prompt list by @novelbear

Notes: I love his so much I wanted to cry while writing this. He is OOC and I’m not sorry, I truly believe big scary characters have the softest souls.

Warnings: OOC, not proofread at all, English is still not my native language (maybe one day idk I way told you gotta drink a potion for that), sweating as always, a droplet of sadness

⋆ Always giving the other the first bite of their food

You think Xanxus is bitching again. Maybe it’s all about an almost shoe cook for the reason your man himself couldn’t explain, but who could be sure. He is creaking the plate with a fork messing his untouched meal, and you swear to god are trying to be patient.

You mutter under your nose and get back to your phone, leaving Xanxus alone with his mood swings.

Until you feel something touch you cheek - too hot and too good smelling to be his lips or tongue.

“The hell are you doing?”, with a confused gaze you look at Xanxus holding out some steak piece on a fork.

“Shut the fuck up and eat”, he doesn’t sound irritated as usual though, more like…passive. Even calm you could say, but Xanxus is never calm, right?

“Is my man pampering me?”, you cannot help but smile, especially pointing out those words he oh so much likes, and shake your head coquettishly.

“Just making sure my food isn’t poisoned, brat”, Xanxus answers with a slight smirk that doesn’t go past your eyes.

⋆ Keeping a few of their favorite snacks in the house for when they visit

Xanxus is not domestic at all. A bit whiny cat that comes by your house from time time for the longest time. At least that’s what he thinks, after some times you notice ок is around your apartment more times than he is absent, which allows you to find out some of his habits. Sleeping on a specific side for example. The way Xanxus keeps bumping your leg when he wants you attention or…him having the sweetest tooth in the world.

It started with a cheesecake. You didn’t pay much attention, because eating everything in your house and leaving is pretty Xanxus, to be honest here. But then you see that only certain sweets disappear, it feels as if a very big scary bulky mafioso visits you just to steal candies. He, it seems, enjoys something on a lighter side, not too sweet - cakes with fruits for their little sourness, bitter coffee flavored chocolates. He does indeed enjoy pastry and “fancy” patisserie goods but hates caramel, to this day you wonder why.

You have to admit, getting cakes almost on a daily for Xanxus does bite your wallet - just imagine, this almost two meter high thick man eats twice as much, if not trice, as you.

“You like lemon cheesecakes, huh?”, he occasionally asks while passing by. “You ass gonna become fat”, he threatens you with his finger, and you smirk at his humor despite him having a deadpan usual face - you just feel when he is in a frisky mood.

“You like thick ass, don’t you?”

Xanxus barks a laugh in return

“I think I want to try a matcha cake roll from the new bakery nearby”, you nonchalantly add, smugly looking at his broad back.

“I think you want a rosemary lemon one.”

“What makes you think so?”

“Cause you like the taste, idiot”.

You look at Xanxus checking his gun and getting ready to leave and can’t help but smile way too fondly for your liking.

“Yeah, I think you are right”

Xanxus used to have caramels as a child - very rarely, and his poor mother surely tried her best despite her condition to find at least a couple of them hoping to make her son happy just a little. She used to hide them all around their place, and Xanxus didn’t even realize it was her, being proud with his detective work and annoyingly sniffing around. It didn’t feel the same with Nono, maybe the blood and tears spoiling the taste despite the unthinkable about of money his father could and would throw his way. But it’s…funnier with you. Because Xanxus can again play a smiffing all around detective and find a delicious prize there. You are not dumb and certainly catch something with your foxy witty eyes and mischievous smile and jokes here and there but keep playing along. This small game puts Xanxus” torn soul…at ease.

But you shouldn’t know any of that, he will selfishly keep memories of his dear mother to himself the same way he did with those caramels, and sometimes he can feel pouty because you will never understand how much this small gesture from you means to him.

He doesn’t eat caramels though. Brings back bitter memories.

⋆ Kisses. on. the. tip. of. the. nose.

⋆ Zipping or buttoning their jacket for them

Xanxus is already a pain in every place possible and he makes sure he is the biggest one all the time. It’s not easier in the slightest when he is injured and getting angry because of his lack of autonomy.

You look at his swearing - which is feting louder every second - and thin your lips, not sure what to do. Yes, he has said some rude words to you. Yes, you know that your feelings matter, but realizing where Xanxus has his mood come from softens you.

You sigh in defeat, looking at his pathetic attempts to button up his shirt while having one of his arms is broken - even putting in on was a sight to see, to be fair. You don’t say a word and don’t even look up at your partner, buttoning his shirt with a frown but being so delicate, as if you can hurt one of he most dangerous people around.

Xanxus doesn’t object a bit, patiently - which is an achievement for him - waiting for you to finish, and here you both are just silently standing here and not moving anywhere.

You look up at Xanxus and he rolls his eyes in return as if not to look at you on purpose.

Your heart sings just by looking in his eyes and you cannot help but stand on your tiptoes and cup his face. Kissing the tip of his nose, you smile at his wincing face and leave one more kiss. And more. And more. Until you finally leave your butterfly touch on his lips.

⋆ Waiting until they safely reach the front of the door or get inside before driving off

Xanxus has been trying to show he’s serious, starting with driving you himself instead of sending a chauffeur, and you are glad he sis this. Both of you feel comfort in a shared silence, his hand rubbing your hip or even nipping sometimes so you don’t fall asleep, is so hot to the touch it almost burns your skin. Xanxus doesn’t like when you get to your house, because he doesn’t want to let you go, and he doesn’t give a shit you have certain needs…like sleeping at night.

Every time you walk out of the car, he does so too, and you never understand why since he’s not the one to give a hug as a goodbye - making out in the car is pretty much enough.

“Why are you keep standing there when I go home?”, you ask one day.

“Smoking.”

“Okay.”

You get out of the car, and Xanxus does so too again. He puts his hands in his pockets, no cigarettes visible anywhere and knowing his shitty humour you are certain that was one of those dumb jokes.

You go to the building and turn around before entering and you see Xanxus drilling a hole in your back with an intense gaze.

“Hey, my house could be very dangerous too, you never know”, you start, and he lifts his brow. “Maybe you just start staying overnight?”

Xanxus grins.

⋆ Doing their makeup for them

Sleepy Xanxus is a sight to behold. His dve is still wet from the water - he hasn’t even used a towel after washing his face and even cuter you find him unable to even open his eyes, wrinkling his nose and muttering some curses with a hoarse voice.

You cant help but smile and squish his cheeks - non-existent basically because he has pronounced masculine cheekbones but you are she with the amount of candies he is going to get those eventually - and Xanxus growls.

“I will murder your family.”

“Love you too, babe.”

With a loud growl Xanxus buries his nose in your neck while you try to understand how his feather accessory is supposed to be attached to his hair.

You are not sure, but by the time you finish you think he has fallen asleep again. You just kiss the back of his head and entwine your hands around his shoulders.

Before shaking him violently with all the strength you have.

#khr headcanons #khr imagines #khr x reader #varia x reader #xanxus x reader #katekyo hitman reborn

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lanzhans-resting-bitchface · 7 months

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Language learning with media tips and recs for Mandarin

Once you've started to approach conversational level (or before then if you can't wait) a great way to build familiarity is watching shows in the language you are learning. But if you are still fairly new to the language there can still be a big gaps here, so I am sharing what's worked for me.

General tips

If you haven't already, I highly recommend adding two plugins to your browser: a speed controller and a dual subtitle plugin.

A speed controller is great for slowing it down when they are speaking too fast to process.

And while it's not great (for language learning purposes) to rely on native language subtitles, it's one way to enjoy watching a target language show and not have to engage so much of your brain (work and life can be draining) while still getting some benefit via exposure to culture, the sounds and (with a dual sub plugin) the words.

I use Chrome (yuck, I know) and the plugins DualSub and Video Speed Controller . There may be better ones out there, but I enjoy these. Dual Sub also has a " Chinese learning" option, which adds the pinyin as well, but I find it's not super reliable, not sure what I am doing wrong.

Also, side note: use Netflix in the browser for dual sub, if they have the subtitles you want.

Mandarin targeted tips

Watching shows produced in your target language is great practice but it can be hard to find sometimes, or expensive. The two best free options are YouTube and Viki, which come with their own pros and cons.

Youtube

Pros

If you search any show you want with "English subtitles" you are likely to find it

Accessible to anyone, I don't think anyone is unfamiliar with youtube

Cons

Grainy crunchy quality as expected

Subtitles are often in the video instead of as a subtitle file, so they are often also poor quality

You may or may not find a video with Chinese (simplified or traditional) subs as well

Rakuten Viki

Pros

Extensive collection of shows in mandarin

Chat function

Cons

Don't always have Chinese subtitles

With free version, ad breaks can sometimes be a lot

Chat function

Honestly I like the Viki chat, which is timed comments that you can toggle on or off, but as with any chat functionality, the comments vary wildly and can get a little unhinged (whether that's a pro or con is in the eye of the beholder).

Show Recs

Ok now the real reason for this post: an excuse to gush about my favorite shows lol.

The Untamed

Probably needs no introduction, but as my first cdrama it will always hold a special space in my heart.

Sales pitch: a very fun cast of characters with acting I really enjoyed (but sometimes on the cheesy side) and motivations I could understand, even if I disagreed with them. I don't think I truly hate any character in this show, even the annoying ones I enjoy mocking at least.

Vibes: epic historical fantasy drama with humor and angst and tragedy

Disclaimers: not everyone enjoys the acting as much as I did, many people dislike the deviations from the source material (including the censorship), regular drama pitfalls (pacing, cheesiness, etc)

Where to watch: Available on US Netflix or on Viki (although low quality unless you have a paid subscription)

My Uncanny Destiny

My favorite drama to date.

Sales pitch: an extremely funny satirical take on cdrama tropes, I laughed through pretty much all of it. Has very progressive themes for the setting and handles them well (but humorously). The main couple's dynamic was fantastic.

Vibes: comedic historical drama with depth

Disclaimers: I personally think it is a lot funnier if you are at least passingly familiar with cdrama tropes as the premise of the show relies on flipping these (esp gendered ones), a fair amount of potty/gross out humor (but not all of it), the writing does drop off a little towards the end

Where to watch: viki

God Troubles Me

For the animation fans

Sales pitch: an animated show that is also really great for learning more about modern Chinese culture, I love the light hearted humor and ridiculous characters in this. While there is a loose overarching plot dealing with gods and monsters, it's actually very much a slice of life show

Vibes: cozy fun comedy

Disclaimers: while it's a great way to learn about Chinese culture, that can also be one of the biggest hurdles to engaging with it, especially if you are not very knowledgeable yet (like me!). Because it assumes the audience is already familiar, some jokes/details/plots may be confusing.

Where to watch: US Netflix.

#the untamed #my uncanny destiny #god troubles me #language learning #mandarin learning #chinese learning #language learning tools

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systembug · 4 months

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Bug Pronouns

So, as a non-native english speaker i wonder about certain rules that are connected directly to my interest - insects.

When i was taught english, the rules about animal pronouns were kinda outdated. Any animal should be referred to with an "it/its" pronoun. However being actually exposed to native speakers quickly proved otherwise - people like to humanize their pets and use more "human" pronouns. (Very valid btw) And any language is a creature of its own - it is constantly changing and evolving. So i wonder - how bug-lovers refer to bugs and why? What kind of flavour people give to a small thing they find cute or interesting when they refer to it? This is borderline a shitpost, i just think it would be fun to make this poll, please dont take it too seriously. But if you ever saw serious research on bug gender, send a link cuz it sounds interesting :D

#bugposting #bugblr #bugs

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mascula-sappho · 5 months

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✨️When you get this ask you have to put 5 songs you listen to, post it, then send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positive vibes are cool)🎶

alright then!!!

( in no particular order )

I. TÊTE by AVA

little bit about it: this song actually samples one of my fav songs to listen to while I was younger, Stereo Love, and is by the same artist who made VETRI NERI, a favorite Italian pop song I first heard on the beach at Sperlonga on my first trip to Italy to study Latin.

II. Bébé by Nej

little bit about it: this song is by my #1 artist this year, Nej, a Moroccan-French pop artist who simply makes the stimmiest music, to put it that way. this is one of my favorite songs by her and I'll never not vibe to it

III. BDE (Big Dyke Energy) by FLAVIA

little bit about it: is there anything to say, really?

"I'm not talking about the birds and the bees, I'm talking about the birds and the birds and the birds and me" LIKE COME ON

IV. Nina's Jig by Cullen Vance

little bit about it: so since I was little I was raised around Celtic music, and it's one of the styles I sing most often and sung first. I also have been working on an in-universe soundtrack for the Silmarillion (a playlist ) for the accurate adaptation I would do were I into film and actually yk had money and such. I tried to find a theme for Nelyo and Finno's relationship for the longest time, but traditional, slow, emotional ballads didn't fit them and basically they refused that to be their theme if that makes sense???? I came up on this jig while making it and was immediately like. this is it. this is them. the defiant, fierce, hopeful, and epic sound of this jig stuck, and its one of my fav comfort songs, and also my absolute fav jig I've heard (and I've heard many)

V. Prisencolinensinainciusol by Adriano Celentano

little bit about it: last but certainly not least we have one of the most patently insane pieces of music ever produced imho. An Italian 70s disco hit written entirely in gibberish meant to sound like American English, it is both wildly amusing and hilariously confusing. Nonetheless the singers manage to approximate the phonemes of my native language pretty closely, rendering it even funnier. PRISENCOLINENSINAINCIUSOL SWEEP

#asks #music recs

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alltingfinns · 7 months

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This is the least relevant post I could make, but something that’s been bugging me since the nineties is a sitcom conversation about “political correctness” as in what is now called “cancel culture”.

Sitcom in question is Spin City where Michael J Fox plays deputy mayor of New York. At the end of an episode he and his co-workers are hanging out at the bar they’re always hanging out in after work. I couldn’t tell you the main plot of the episode if I tried, but it must have been something about causing an offense towards a minority in some way. Because I can exactly remember Michael’s character saying:

“So what? If I go around singing girls just want to have fun, will people get angry that I’m insinuating that men just want to be boring and serious?”

To which one of his female co-workers reply:

“No, but they will be angry that you referred to women as girls.”

And I, in roughly my early teens or younger, get super annoyed. Because the sentence “girls just want to have fun” doesn’t in any way preclude anyone else wanting to have fun!! The “just” isn’t before girls, it’s before wanting to have fun. At most it could imply that girls are the only ones that want nothing else but fun, that men must want something besides fun. But that is only insinuated by the singling out of girls, rather than singing people just want to have fun.

The actual “reason to cancel” anyone over the lyric would be the much more explicit implication*) that “girls” have no other ambition or aspiration but to have fun. That “girls” are too vapid for long term goals, and “just” want to have fun.

Note: I am not saying that is the meaning of the song or that it should at all be canceled over the lyrics. To be absolutely clear this is NOT a cancellation of Cyndi Lauper or 80s bubblegum pop.

This is explicitly me being annoyed that the syntax and sentence structure was completely ignored for an interpretation that clashes with the text, when actually considering the order of the words anyway provided a more interesting interpretation. Like, maybe it’s just me, but wouldn’t the dialogue have been funnier as:

“So what? If I go around singing girls just want to have fun, will people get angry that I’m insinuating that girls don’t have any other ambition or drive in life?”

“No, but they will be angry that you referred to women as girls.”

I mean, to me, making Michael’s line rooted in a slightly more serious interpretation of the lyric, one that sounds a bit more “woke”-ish, highlights the contrast in the reply more sharply. I don’t get how me as a kid with English as my second language got that, but a room full of writers where presumably the majority were native English speakers thought a completely nonsensical interpretation made more sense for the joke.

*) I’m aware that explicit and implicit are antonyms, I still stand by my word choice.

#tumblr #where else am I gonna dump seriously outdated media commentary?

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all-timepanic · 1 year

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I watched shazam fury of the gods yesterday and I have thoughts. It has bothered me all day so I need to leave this somewhere. So I guess here is my sort of review. But it is kinda rambly. Or something. Idk I just need to get it out. It also got a lot longer than I planned it to, sorry in advance.

Of course it wouldn't be as good as the first one. Sequels, especially from superhero movies, rarely are. (but maybe I'm just too much of an origin story fan for this as well) This sounds kinda negative, I know, but believe me, I liked this film. A lot, actually. But I'll probably leave out quite a few of the things I actually liked. The main focus is the "bad" stuff. Maybe someone agrees with some of these things. Maybe I'm just overthinking a fun, hero movie. Who knows.

It felt kind of... generic? I liked the first one for its humor. The characters were great, the villain seemed fun and they had fun with some superhero tropes. (+ i loved a lot of the way it was made, from the different shots, to the sets etc.,).

This one fell a little flat for me. Of course, it might be funnier once I get to watch it in english (I can only watch it in my native language here, sadly) but a lot of the jokes just felt like they are forcefully trying to reach the first one in levels of fun. (And don't get me wrong, I was laughing quite a bit as well, there were some HILARIOUS bits in there, but they didn't stick with me as much as some of the firsts ones, y'know?)

The plot kind of felt a bit more boring as well. Yeah, the entire "figuring out the new superpowers" isn't something you can repeat in a second movie, obviously. Instead it went with the kinda family/trust/fear of rejection angle which is nice. It is obviously something that effects Billy. I was excited to see this storyline followed through. But it kind of felt like the movie was just going through the motions? The movie obviously needed to go from point A to B to C but Billy's progression just felt very quick and forced. The speech from the wizard before the showdown didn't feel earned enough for me.

Like, plot angle they were going for was great. Of course everything Billy went through would change him and his behaviour. There is quite a lot of trauma there. And I know with the tone this movie has that is not something that will be unpacked completely. I just wish it was handled slightly differently? (I would have to think more about what bothered me about this, but it isn't handled the way I wish it would be considering it was the very first thing we heard about Billy in this film)

I also disliked how little we actually saw Billy as a teenager? I enjoy Zachary Levi's acting as much as the next person but let Asher Angel get at least some screentime? I don't know if it was because of scheduling or whatever but there were a lot of scenes where the characters didn't need to be in superhero form but they just sort of hung out in adult form.

And it is just a small moment but I still wanted to call it out, because stuff like this annoys me. When Pedro came out everyone answered that they already knew. I hate that. Yes, it was supposed to be a funny moment so of course it wasn't going to be a big, emotional thing and it doesn't need to be. But it always irks me when people "knew" beforehand. bc it always feels like they are saying "people always know before" or "don't feel proud of yourself for opening up, it's old news" (am I explaining this okay? It just diminishes it and if everyone already knows, why add this moment? Especially in this scene where no one would realistically bring the topic up?). Maybe it's not a big deal but imo it was not a good moment.

The biggest thing I hate though is the big, emotional death of a main character with a long scene of the character accepting their fate, grieving friends and family and a funeral (!) just for them to be revived without consequence? Not saying that this is the movie that needs to pull off such a dark twist but... why? It was a very nice emotional part of the movie but it ended up feeling cheap? Especially bc it felt like an excuse to push in a cameo last minute. (It was a nice callback to the fist ww scene, a sort of gotcha we actually have the actress here, but at what cost).

Like I said, I never expected Billy to die, he is THE title character after all and DC would never have the balls to do that. Especially in the 2. film. + they did push Freddy into a more active role, which I love, but especially Adam Brody wasn't built up in a way to take over the franchise, so I knew this would't happen. I was still disappointed. It always cheats the audience out of their emotions. We just wasted 10 minutes of emotional stakes just to be cheated out of the satisfying conclusion?

anyway, I also wanna mention a few things I liked before I leave:

Like I said, the humor was still nice. It felt familiar in a way. And the immaturity was what I expected and hoped for. It makes sense in this film + for the characters. I love the design of the lair. Of course they would bring a bunch of stupid stuff in there. It fit their personalities. (And making the wall in the back a climbing wall was fun, idk why but it was)

I loved Freddy. I liked his character in the first movie as well but I liked him even more here. He got a lot more stuff to do on his own, more screentime and more own struggles to deal with (there are a few things that aren't great but they aren't that big a problem for me)

The monster design was great. I am a sucker for greek mythology and for twists on well known creatures so this one kind of hit a soft spot for me. I liked the way the monsters looked, from the minotaurs to the harpies, and the unicorns were great. I like that they were the fearsome predator type animal in the bunch. and the dragon. I loved it so much. Yes, being made of wood IS sort of a design flaw but you cannot tell me that it didn't look epic. And the way the fear was incorporated into its abilities? Amazing (wish we could have seen more uses of it)

On a similar note the fight scenes were really fun. they played with a few nice ideas and incorporated the superpowers well. ( I especially thought Ana's power were nice to watch, although they weren't often used in direct conflict)

....so I guess that's it? Like I said in the beginning, I really enjoyed this movie but there were quite a few things that felt off, in a way? Maybe I'll feel differently after a rewatch but it just doesn't feel as comfortable as the first one, if that makes sense. It doesn't feel as tightly knit or as satisfying. It is still a fun movie to watch but idk. If anyone wants to discuss this feel free to reblog it and add on or whatever.

#shazam #shazam fury of the gods #shazam 2 #billy batson #I'm putting this on tumblr instead of a review page bc I don't wanna clean up this review xd

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pretentiouswreckingball · 1 year

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hi!!

4 and 20 please and thank you!!

Hi dear!!!

4. which cryptyd being do you believe in?

the way i had to google what a cryptyd being is lmao and the thing about me is, you can convince me of pretty much anything so, i'll say yes

20. do you say soda or pop?

Neither since I say it in my native language xd BUT I would say soda, tho pop sounds funnier if you ask me.

Thank u for asking!!<3

from this ask game

#weird ask game #kat tag :)#loops plays a game

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lauvra · 1 year

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I just found out my favourite teacher growing up died in 2021. My mother sent me an undeniable obituary notice by text tonight. I’m sure I’ve mentioned him before, such was his significance I wrote a short piece about him visiting in a dream describing him flying through the valley of my subconscious. Truthfully, that isn’t how he appeared to me, but the origin of his surname means ‘small bird of the valley’ so I took liberty; but I’d like to recount some things. I still love to tell people about the teacher I had in grade two and then again later in grade five, Mr. Sugden. Nambour is more of a bowl than a valley and that was the name of my home town where he taught me. This man always appeared eight feet tall to me, even as I gained a modicum of height myself over years. He stayed so big, unlike most people and places you revisit from the past. He was slender with jet black hair, a big mouth filled with big teeth and some capped with either silver or gold filling. He could be a terrifying man if he only stood up straight, but he wouldn’t. I recall his thinking sounds to be rather silly, “woe is me,” he’d mock us playfully. Even scratching his nails down the chalkboard, he always seemed to be smirking at a joke no one else was in on. For our second-grade class performance that was held in front of the entire school he had us hand-craft German beer steins, which we used as props on stage as we sang DU HAST by Rammstein to a packed hall. The image in my mind of a class of scrawny seven year old native English speaking children standing side by side singing an industrial metal song in a language they could not understand only gets funnier and funnier to me with time. I cannot wholly attribute my love for heavy metal to him, but he certainly played a role. As kids do, we’d pass notes back and forth in class, stashing them deep at the back of our ‘tidy trays’ with the illusion of privacy which for anyone unfamiliar, was the Queensland term for the plastic draws that slid open beneath each desk within which books and stationary were to be kept. You could find out a lot about a kid by the way they kept their ‘tidy tray’ and they were typically pretty unruly. Mr Sugden would sift through our desks every so often, finding all our secret notes which he’d pin to a corkboard by the front door for ALL to see. Hello, the humiliation of accountability. I just searched my apartment because I know I still have a note from that time upon which he wrote in red pen ‘crawling letter intercepted’ but I cannot find it, which fucking sucks. Ever so often he’d indulge us with games of hang-man on the chalk board, but foregoing typical stick figures, he offered enough detail so that the dead man we created with our lack of literacy had crossed out eyes and sometimes a loose tongue. The winner was awarded broken pieces of computer motherboard. He was a peculiar guy but I think part of the reason I still pin all my should-be secret thoughts onto public forums for all to see can be attributed in some small way to his lesson and I’ll always be grateful for his strange dark humour. Soar, old fella.

#me #word #rip

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pradoido · 2 years

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idea for an minor orthographic update on portuguese

on this post i will present the idea my friend and i came up with for minor changes on portuguese orthography

1. the issue we tried to fix:

in portuguese, currently, words ending in ⟨-ão⟩ /ɐ̃w̃/ can have their plurals in 3 different ways:

· singular ⟨-ão⟩ plural ⟨-ãos⟩ such as cidadão/cidadãos, mão/mãos

· singular ⟨-ão⟩ plural ⟨-ões⟩ such as ação/ações, coração/corações

· singular ⟨-ão⟩ plural ⟨-ães⟩ such as cão/cães, alemão/alemães

the reason for this is because they come from different endings in latin:

· singular -ā̌num > -ão (eg mão) / plural -ā̌nōs > -ãos (eg mãos)

· singular -ă̄nem > -ão (eg pão) / plural -ă̄nēs > -ães (eg pães)

· singular -ōnem > -ão (eg função) / plural -ōnēs > -ões (eg funções)

there is no way to accurately tell the plural of a word if you don't know a fair bit of etymology or if you speak a language like spanish or the galician dialect of portuguese, which didn't merge these 3 endings. this is something native speakers of portuguese get taught in school and we have to memorise each word, even though over 90% of the words ending in ⟨-ão⟩ have their plural in ⟨-ões⟩

2. historical parenthesis

in the past, portuguese used ⟨-am⟩ to spell out words that had an unstressed /ɐ̃w̃/ so that órfão used to be orpham or orfam, sótão used to be sotam and so on. this spelling is still preserved on third person verbs like falam, falaram, ajudam, etc.

3. the solution

singular ⟨-ão⟩ and plural ⟨-ãos⟩ remains unchanged:

· mão / mãos ➝ mão / mãos

· cidadão / cidadãos ➝ cidadão / cidadão

singular ⟨-ão⟩ and plural ⟨-ães⟩ changes the ⟨-ão⟩ to ⟨-ám⟩

· alemão / alemães ➝ alemám / alemães

· pão / pães ➝ pám / pães

singular ⟨-ão⟩ and plural ⟨-ões⟩ changes the ⟨-ão⟩ to ⟨-óm⟩

· a(c)ção / a(c)ções ➝ a(c)çóm / a(c)ções

· coração / corações ➝ coraçóm / corações

4. pros and cons

pros

· you can accurately predict how a word is pluralised just from looking at it

· you can have a unified orthography with galician since reintegrationist orthography spells it almost like that minus the acute accent

· the word for bread looks like an onomatopoeia and that’s funny: pám!

· the word for não is even funnier: nóm :3

· the etymology is more well represented in writing

· doesn’t go against portuguese accentuation rules that words ending in ⟨-am⟩ are stressed on the second to last syllable

· isn’t too big a change to be disruptive to how we spell things currently

cons

· different ways to spell the same ão sound: 3 different ways, currently it’s two

· i can't think of more cons but i'm taking criticism

5. sample text

O texto ou letra das canções sóm tradicionalmente versos de poesia, mas podem ser versos religiosos de livre prosa. As canções possuem amplas maneiras de divisóm, dependendo dos critérios utilizados. Algumas divisões estám entre as músicas "artísticas", "canções de música popular" e "cançóm popular". from here: https://pt.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canção

#linguistics #langblr #portuguese #orthography #brazilian portuguese #languages

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mr-no-life · 2 years

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Eurovision 2022 Review

Ahh Eurovision, that time of year where we in the States realize that we can not have anything nice. This is the first year I listened to all the songs for the Simi-Finals witch has been made easier thanks to the official Youtube channel showing the music videos, it made doing this write up A LOT easier. It still does not change the fact that here in America it costs an arm and a leg just to see the live shows… Now, I will not be grading this the way they do in the actual contest, I will be using simple 1-5 scale for each song and highlight what I like about each one. All opinions are personal and are by no means professional in any means.

First Simi-Final (aired 10/May/22 written same day):

Sekret by: Ronela Hajati (Albania) 4/5

I did not know what to expect from Albania, but it was not this. I do not believe I have heard a female artist have such a diverse vocal range like this, and it is freaking awesome. The fluid transition between English and Albanian lyrics is quiet a nice touch on top of the instrumentation and how you can almost follow the song from beginning to end and is not all over the place. This has the potential to gain some good traction post Eurovision and rivals some American artist in this genre.

Eat Your Salad by: Citi Zēni (Latvia)- 5/5*

By far one of the funnier songs I have listened to so far. I feel like this was all a metaphor for wanting to have sex with someone all in the disguise of explaining how to solve a real-world issue. The jazzy/pop vibes this gives off is awesome and it just sounds so smooth like, I can not think of the right words to describe this. In some cases, saxophones are a nightmare because they are either too quiet or too loud. Not here, it is mixed perfectly in with the rest of the song, and nothing seems like it is out of place. A beautiful song and one of my favorites of the first Simi-Final so far.

Sentimetai by: Monkia Liu (Lithuania) - 4/5

To me this sounds like something that would be in a modern French Noir film. The overall rhythm and flow of the song is smooth, and everything is in place where it is supposed to be. A nice snazzy beat accompanied with simple yet dynamic vocals just goes to show that simple is sometimes better.

Boys Do Cry by: Marius Bear (Switzerland) - 4.5/5

It takes a lot for a song to make me cry. But this song (and the music video that goes with it) almost made me cry (got teary eyed not going to lie). Any song that can drive such strong emotions with a simplistic instrumentation has the most respect in my book. The lyrics do a splendid job in breaking down the stereotype that “men/boys do not cry” when in fact they do. “And sometimes airplanes, fall down from the sky, and mountains they crumble, and rivers they run dry…” all examples of things that we normally think are strong and can not break but they do. The societal norm of “the man shows no emotion” is broken down in this song and shows how it is okay to cry when you feel like you have to.

Disko by: LPS (Slovenia) – 3.5/5

I like this song; it has good flow and rhythm. But I feel like it is missing something, and I do not know what. This lands me in a tricky spot because I like the song, but it is missing that one thing to really give it that special touch. I do hope Slovenia dose well this year because I am willing to bet most of us forget that they exist (and this is not me hating on them I genially do forget they are a country in Europe).

Stefania by: Kalush Orchestra (Ukraine) – 4/5

For starters I think it is amazing that Ukraine is in this year despite current geopolitical situations (at the time of this writing). I think not only singing in their native language (witch not saying singing in English makes a song good/bad, but I think it is a nice touch) added a lot of character in this song. The song is a tribute to the lead singer’s mother (witch to be honest made me want to cry because it is another nice touch). What stands out the most to me is that you do not see a lot of Rap songs in Eurovision, especially rap songs that draw influence from traditional folk as well. The fact that a Rap song made it this far is amazing and I hope to see more of this moving forward.

Intention by: Intelligent Music Project (Bulgaria) - 5/5*

A slight bias for this one. I am big fan of the rock/metal genre, and this is now one of my new favorite rock songs so far (we still have a lot more to go). This gave me strong early Bon Jovi mixed with Foo Fighters vibes and I am loving it. Clean instrumentation and solid song flow, another one of my favorites right up there with Latvia’s submission.

De Diepte by: S10 (Netherlands) - 4.5/5

Where do I start? To be transparent, I am a fan of slow(ish) songs in a non-English language (Dutch in this case). When reading the English lyrics while listening to the song, the song paints a striking narrative of when a relationship turns sour, and you cannot seem to shake the feeling of them out of your head (at least that is how I took it). The overall tone of the song is sad yes, but it is well put together and is by far one of my favorite Dutch based songs I have listed to.

Trenuleţul By: Zdob și Zdub (Moldova) – 4/5

Shoutout to Youtube for having English lyrics on hand because I do not know what I listened to, but it was pretty great. According to some research I have done, this is not the band’s first rodeo with Eurovision (this is there third go around) (just a fun little fact). This is a prime example of how music can highlight a country’s culture just from instrumentation alone. The energetic nature of this song makes it almost binge worthy to listen to. Definitely a song that I think is an acquired taste for some (at least of the American listener, the style is not seen as much in mainstream America), but it is overall a very pleasant listening experience

Saudade, Saudade by: MARO (Portugal) – 4/5

A quaint little song. I think this benefits being a mainly vocal heavy song with not a heavy focus on the instrumentals. I do not have much to talk about outside of that, it’s mixed well, and I think that this represents Portugal quite nicely.

Guilty Pleasure by: Mia Dimšić (Croatia) – 3/5

I hate to say this, but the song sounds good but is low key generic. I know that seems like an odd term to use (especially with the current music scene), but to me it sounds like a lot of other similar songs in the genre and dose not really stand out. Like I said, it sounds good, mixed well, but that is about it really.

The Show by: REDDI (Denmark) – 4.5/5

Right out the gate, starting with a piano solo that kind of sounds like Creep threw me off for a bit, but then the smash cut to high energy and a faster tempo was executed PERFECTLY. I think there needs to be more female rock artists that need this level of publicity and attention because it is clear as glass that they can keep up the energy and tempo of a male dominated genre (and industry as a whole).

Halo by: Pia Maria ft. LUM!X (Austria) - 3/5

I do not have much to say in all honesty, a little generic sounding but has a nice solid rhythm that is easy to track and is not overbearing. As mentioned with Croatia’s submission, it is hard to say when something sounds generic, but at the same time when you pick up on it you can’t shake it. It’s a well-made song and I think this a strong submission for Austria.

Með Hækkandi Sól by: Systur (Iceland) – 5/5*

This is the track that gave me the idea for this in the first place. I absolutely love this song, from the instrument arrangement to the vocals it is an all-around amazing piece. If I could vote in the official Eurovision contest, I would put the max number of points (witch I think is twelve) on this song. I know it sounds like I am being bias and gushy about this, but it is hard not to be in all honesty.

Die Together by: Amanda Georgiadi Tenfjord (Greece) – 4/5

A solid little banger in all honesty. Beautiful vocals accompanied by a decent mix of a drum kit and an orchestral arrangement. When mixed together you get a song that surprisingly feels really dynamic both technically and lyrically.

Give that Wolf a Banana by: Subwoolfer (Norway) – ?

Umm… All I can say is... What the fuck did I listen to? I guess there is always that one song that makes you question your existence as not only a human but a music lover, this is that song. Now, it’s made well do not give me wrong, but shortly after listening to this song my brain decided to shut down from the confusion. I do not know how to even rank this song because I am genially disturbed by what happened. Props for Norway for letting the freak flag fly and showing the world that “Zero Fucks, caution to the wind.” Joking aside, I am glad Norway went with something like this, because this is what Art and Music is all about. It does not have to make sense to the audience, if a select group of people like it, then there you go.

Snap by: Rosa Linn (Armenia) – 4/5

This gives me big Florence + The Machine vibes and I dig it. It is amazing what an acoustic guitar and a drum arrangement can do for a song (and I mean that in a good way). I think this puts Armenia (a country that I did not know was apart of the Soviet Union at one point) on the map musically quite nicely and I hope for the best.

First Simi-Final conclusion:

Wow. All these songs sounded amazing for assorted reasons, and it was almost hard at times to put to words. From the wide diversity of genres to the gender representation, this is by far an excellent showcase of what it means to make Music. But overall, I would rate the first batch of songs a 4/5. There were some solid bangers, some songs that were almost there, and only a couple I felt like were not there for me.

Top Three:

Með Hækkandi Sól by: Systur (Iceland)

Intention by: Intelligent Music Project (Bulgaria)

Eat Your Salad by: Citi Zēni (Latvia)

Second Simi-Final (aired 12/May/2022 Written 13/May/2022

** Editor’s note these reviews were written over the period of both Simi-Finals and the Grand Final, so my reviews and predictions are made ahead of the official release (this will be addressed towards the end) **

Jezebel by: The Rasmus (Finland) – 4/5

This gives me strong mid-2000s rock vibes, and I dig it. Not going to lie the opining lyrics caught me off guard (but at this point after Latvia I’m used to it) but the overall lyrics were pretty solid. This is about what I expected for a Finnish submission, and I hope for the best moving forward.

** Editor’s note, the following submissions I pretty much had the same ratting and thoughts about them.**

The following Submissions I rated 3/5 due to there over all generic sounding nature. They sounded good and were mixed good but were over all just bland.

I.M by: Michael Ben David (Israel)

I am Honestly Surprised they are here anyway in all honesty

I Am What I Am by: Emma Muscat (Malta)

It sounded a bit corny and a bit repetitive

Would make for a grate back track to an advertisement

Stripper by: Achille Lauro (San Marino)

Started strong but fell flat quick

Very on key with Italy’s 2021 Submission (witch I liked)

That’s Ritch by: Brooke (Ireland)

A bit disappointing considering the music scene in Ireland

Circles by: Andrea (North Macedonia)

Points for at least making it this far

Llámame by: WRS (Romania)

Points for the Romania lyrics sprinkled in

Very Latin inspired (and that is awesome)

(Like San Marino) Started strong and fell flat quickly

Miss You by: Jérémine Makiese (Belgium)

Very early Chris Brown mixed with Usher

Excellent vocal range

Painfully generic R&B instrumentation

In Corpore Sano by: Konstrakta (Serbia) – 5/5*

This whole song oozes Lady Gaga and it WORKS. From the vocals to the rhythm, it flows like melted butter in your ears. This is also another prime example on how non-English vocals can make a song just pop. One key lyric that stood out to me (when translated to English) would have to be, “A sick mind in a healthy body.” This song really dose highlight how we as people are so focused on how our body looks and we do not give much of a care to how we feel or think.

Fade to Black by: Nadir Rustamli (Azerbaijan) – 4/5

This would honestly do great on U.S markets (and that can be a good or bad thing, take your pick. This song also doses a surprisingly little trick where it has a subtle tempo increase but you do not feel as if you are being left behind (as I personally feel a lot of songs in this genre do). Being able to carry your vocal through a song and not tapper out towards is quite the feat (so props to him and who ever mixed this song because it is great).

Lock Me in by: Circus Mircus (Georgia)– 5/5*

This is by far one of the more unique songs of the submissions today. A nice little funky tune that its simplistic nature sculpts its own fashion. It is almost hard to put this into words about how this song’s odd quirky nature. If you would have told me that this is from a country that most people get confused with a U.S state I would honestly not believe you, and I am eager to listen to more of them.

Not The Same by: Sheldon Riley (Australia) - 4/5

Okay, for starters, I (like many others) am wondering why Australia is here. But none the less I think this is a solid track. His delivery is very Adel like, and it is hard not to hear it as such. Having heard the live version, I do not think I have heard many male singers have this sort of range (at least in a live setting) and it really helps pull the song together.

Ela by: Andromache (Cyprus) – 4/5

Right out the gate this song is almost harmonious in the balance of Mediterranean and modern instruments and that makes this song slap. This is only further supported by the stylistic choice of the English to non-English mid-sentence. Fun little fact, she is named (or her stage name) is based off of Greek Mythology (I thought it was a nice touch).

Hope by: Stefan (Estonia) – 4/5

Once again, we find ourselves on the verge of a generic track. This time it is saved with the fact that it has a nice little western twang to it. I know I have made a lot of comparisons to other artist through this post, but this time I swear this sounds like an early Avicii style songs and it kind of shows. I would not have guessed this is from Estonia if you played this side by side with other like tracks.

River by: Ochman (Poland) – 4/5

Now, this is interesting. The instruments are nothing really to write home about, in fact I think this would benefit from no drums and more strings (personally) Because I do genially love his vocal range and the natural flow during this song. I feel like it is trying to accomplish to much but somehow still coming out wit ha song that actually makes sense. As I mentioned with several countries, this is an interesting submission from Poland (the fact they are at this point is surprising enough in my opinion).

Breathe by: Vladana (Montenegro) – 4/5

I have noticed a small pattern, the countries we never hear much about have some pretty solid bangers coming out of them (most of the time). Were there are spots in this track that are kind of generic, there are moments in this song were it just carries this track and makes you think “Now why can’t we have more of THIS?” But nevertheless, in short, we have a classic case of very nice and powerful vocals being accompanied by a beautiful instrumentation.

Hold Me Closer by: Cornelia Jakobs (Sweden) – 4/5

So, this almost ended up being added to the “generically bland list” but luckily it didn’t. Something about the vocal presence through this song almost demands attention and to listen. Witch not a lot of singers in this genre manage to pull off now a days. It’s not surprising that the same county that gave us ABBA for Eurovision continues the interesting tradition of having some solid singers/performers.

Lights off by: We are Domi (Czech Republic) – 3.5/5

Hm. This one is tricky, because it dose sound a bit generic not going to lie. But I can not help to get a bit of a Deadmau5 vibe from time to time. Mixed and sounded well, and not bad for a country that not many people see much of now (especially in the music scene). I decent little way to cap today’s line up.

Second Simi-Final conclusion:

Oof. Not as strong as the first, but there were a few solid songs. I hate to say this, but a good portion of these songs just sounded generic, bland, and just not appealing to me. Similar to the first, I appreciate the equal gender representation, but the genres were not as much. Overall, I rate this batch a 3.5/5, some duds, but there are some diamonds in the rough.

Top 3:

Lock Me in by: Circus Mircus (Georgia)

In Corpore Sano by: Konstrakta (Serbia)

Ela by: Andromache (Cyprus)

The Big 5 (France, Germany, Italy (also the host), Spain and the United Kingdom)

I am going to be honest, none of these submissions caught my ear and were all bland (yes despite the attention Space Man (U.K) has gotten.). I honestly think it is kind of weird that these countries get to automatically go the Grand Final, but everyone else has to go through this process. I feel like if you want to have a competition like this, make sure EVERYONE is on the same playing field and being judged the same.

The Grand Final and Final Opinion (aired 14/May/22 written 21/May/22)

** Editor’s note this is written a week after the end of Eurovision.**

Well, after the dust has settled it was announced Ukraine won. I am actually surprised that they won. Geopolitical events aside, they were not my favorite submission, but I did appreciate the cultural touch they added in their work. Having only seen the music videos of each submission I have to say that this was a doozy of an experience. One gripe I have seen over Twitter was the number of slow Ballads that were in the Grand Final, and that is a fair criticism. Moldova and Norway were by far the one that stood out the most and were really in a league of there own from all the submissions (despite how freaking weird Norway was). I think overall this Eurovision was a decent showcase of the wonderful music talents of these countries (even if a bulk of them sounded the same) and I hope moving forward they’ll FINALLY LET THE U.S WATCH IT FOR FREE.

Jokes aside I enjoyed this very much and I hope you all enjoyed reading this impromptu review. Feel free to ask any questions on Twitter or in the DMs here on Tumblr.

#eurovison 2022 #art #audio engineering #audio production #audio music #music #live music #ukraine #song #musical revue

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therealvinelle · 3 years

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Ok I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm just now copying your Norwegian Bella AU into a text translator, and if you don't already have 50 people in your inbox demanding a translation then shame on ALL OF US because this is glorious! And while Google Translate does have a certain charm (it translated "piper hun ut" as "she beeps") I'm curious to see how you'd put it in English.

Troquantary is referring to this post. In which Bella doesn't speak English.

Fun fact, you're the only one who's gone into my inbox to request this. I was so sad, had the translation half-written and everything, but I was too proud to beg. So thank you, Troquantary, for popping this ask.

As for the dictionary fuckups, sounds about right. I made a few typos, too, that made Google Translate suffer even more. (Such as managing to mix up "henne" (her) and "hendene" (hands), resulting in Aro patting Bella instead of clapping his hands. Poor Google.)

Also, there are a few cultural references and language things that would be lost in the translation, in an attempt to keep them I included notes clarifying things.

Some things, like Aro and Carlisle's very old man way of speaking, are easier said than done to translate, you'll have to bear with me there.

Additional notes are that I added a few things to this version, many of them because translating is hard, but a few because while translating I thought "oh you know what would be much funnier-" and then wrote that.

Alright, without further ado:

When Renée left Charlie she did not go to Florida, she went to Oslo. And she went all in to make her daughter a true Norwegian, hiring Norwegian nannies and making sure never to speak English around the child. Since transatlantic flights are expensive, little Bella Swan rarely got to visit her father, and as such she never did learn what should have been her native language.

She quickly forgot what English she did have in favor of Norwegian, with the exception of words like “Yes”, “No”, and “I’m Bella”.

The few trips she took to visit her father were all the more awkward than in canon since she couldn’t play with the Black kids. Let not the blame fall upon Charlie: he took Norwegian classes and speaks conversational Norwegian. He can’t speak to Renée, because her Norwenglish is incomprehensible even to Norwegians, but he can communicate with Bella.

Not that he’s had a lot of chances to do so.

Bella makes it to seventeen years old, she’s in second grade at Handels* and is a major outsider among the preps there, and then Renée marries a handsome skier**. Together they shall travel the continent all winter to participate in as many skiing races as they can, and in the summer they’ll take gigs at Hurtigruta to see the coast.

*“Handels” is the nickname for an Oslo high school infamous for its pupils being rich and beautiful blonds who are going to be CEOs when they grow up.

**Skiing as a sport is huge in Norway

***Hurtigruta is a famous ferry that travels across the Norwegian West coast

Bella, who sucks at skiing and is too young to work at Hurtigruten, takes the hint.

With dread in her stomach and dictionary in hand she goes to her father in America.

Where she doesn’t speak the language.

Faen.

Charlie gives her a car, and I wish this meta was set in the present because I could have joked about electric cars and the automat only driver’s license*, but Twilight is set in 2005 so I can’t. The car part proceeds without drama.

*An increasing number of Norwegian youth take the driver’s license for automatic cars only, and we’re the country in the world with the highest percentage of electric car purchases.

School is worse than in canon, because she is now a thousand times more sensational than if she was merely the new student. She is from another country! All of Forks keels over with excitement.

To make matters even worse, our girl doesn’t understand a word of what people are saying.

She is too awkward to let them know she doesn’t know English. It’d become a thing, and they might think she’s dumb. To be fair, it’s not good that she’s been through primary, secondary, and now a year and a half of high school and still sucks at English.

So she nods, smiles, mumbles “Hi, I’m Bella” to the new faces, and blushes heavily when anybody says anything.

People assume she’s shy. That’s a bit boring, but oh well.

She has her biology class with the redhead hottie she noticed during lunch. She watched him and his family, they were fascinatingly pretty, but she doesn’t know anything more about them. Sure would have been great if she could have asked the tiny girl (was it Jess?) about them.

Biology proceeds as in canon - Edward badly wants to eat the delicious girl, but fortunately doesn’t.

She runs into him in the office when he tries to switch to another biology lesson, but she has no idea what he’s saying so she only has the suspicion that this somehow concerns her. Which is still uncomfortable, but Bella is probably the problem here. The hottie surely can’t be.

He’s missing from school for a week, Bella finds that weird.

He returns, and to her great horror he starts talking to her.

“Hello”, he says.

Bella dies inside. He’s too handsome!

"I'm Edward Cullen," he continues, and ok, she got that. The hottie is called Edward, that’s good to know. She’s not sure she caught that last name, though, Köln?

He says something else, it’s gibberish to Bella even though she’s concentrating, and at the end there he says “Bella Swan”.

She gulps.

"I'm Bella Swan," she confirms and nods. That should be correct. God, she hopes it’s correct.

He smiles a crooked, boyish smile. She’s awed. She didn’t think it was possible to be so beautiful.

He says something else.

Bella didn’t catch it.

She blushes even harder, she hasn’t been more embarrassed in her life. Here he is, the most handsome guy in all the world, and she has nothing to say to him. Literally, they don’t speak the same language.

She should tell him.

It’s one thing to chicken out of telling the town she doesn’t speak English, but there’s something different about Edward Cullen. He deserves the truth.

But...

He’s the most beautiful person she has seen in her life. He is American, too, so the odds of him knowing Norwegian are microscopical. If he finds out she doesn’t understand a word he says he’ll stop talking to her, and selfish as she is she doesn’t want that.

So with a slightly guilty conscience (but not enough to fess up) she contributes to the conversation with enough words and smiles to pull through. "Yes", "No", "Thank you", and "That's nice".

He is surprised by several of these answers, but instead of giving her odd looks and losing interest he grows more invested in the conversation.

Class ends.

The next day the near accident happens, and he saves her. She is stunned - dear god, did he just pick up a whole car? After teleporting across the parking lot..?

Soon she’s in the ER, and more than a little bit stressed about that fact since she knows the Americans have a terrible healthcare system.

She hopes Charlie has an insurance.

An insanely beautiful man walks into the ER, and Bella is shocked. He is just as handsome as Edward and Edward’s lunch friends!

He introduces himself as Carlisle Cullen, and Bella can only assume this is someone’s older brother. Possibly related to the blonde girl.

He smiles at her, says something, and she answers, "I'm Bella Swan."

He frowns.

That must have been the wrong answer, then.

His hands return to investigating her scalp, and to her great surprise he switches to perfect Norwegian, "kjenner De* noe ubehag når jeg holder her?" Do you feel any discomfort when I touch here?

*De is the Norwegian polite pronoun for “you”. Du = thou = the French tu, and De = you = the French vous. These polite pronouns went out of use in the 1980’s, save for when addressing royal persons, and would be considered antiquated in 2005.

He hurries to add, "Norsk lærte jeg i... fjor sommer. Det var et nettkurs." I learned Norwegian… last year. Online class.

"Hvilket da?" Which one? Bella asks, because Charlie needs to hear about this. The doctor has beautiful, if slightly outdated, pronunciation.

The doctor’s smile turns uncertain. She gets the feeling there’s something he doesn’t want to say. "Husker ikke," I don’t remember, sier han etter en litt vel lang pause.

That’s a shame. And weird.

"De hadde hellet med Dem i dag, som ikke ble truffet av den bilen." You were lucky today, not getting hit by that car. he then says, noticeably changing the subject.

"Det var ikke hell, det var Edward," It wasn’t luck, it was Edward, she replies sharply.

The doctor definitely looks uncomfortable.

She continues, "Han krysset skolegården på et blunk, og plukket opp hele bilen. Jeg så det," He crossed the schoolyard in a moment, and picked up the whole car. I saw it,

The doctor laughs. "Om han kunne det hadde nok gymkarakteren hans vært meget bedre. Nei, frøken Swan*, jeg beklager å si at det høres ut som at De er litt omtåket. Det er helt normalt ved hjernerystelse." If he could do that, his PE grade would be a lot better. No, Miss Swan, I’m sorry to say you seem confused. That’s normal with concussions.

*Addressing a young woman as “frøken” is even more outdated than using polite pronouns.

Why does Bella get the feeling he’s lying?

She’s discharged.

We’ll jump ahead to her trip to La Push - that trip uneventful, since Jacob knows she doesn’t speak English. They stick their hands in their pockets and stare at the sea.

The next day she’s shanghaied to Port Angeles, because apparently she said “Yes” at the wrong time when talking to Jessica (Turns out Jess’s name was Jessica!) and accidentally said yes to a day trip to Port Angeles.

Like in canon she wanders away from the others, and as in canon she is nearly gang raped. And again as in canon she is saved at the last moment by Edward.

He buys her dinner, and she can’t believe her own luck- and misfortune. A date with the most handsome guy on the planet (hence the luck) and she can’t say a word to him (hence the misfortune)!

He says things to her, lends her his jacket, and really this is it for Bella, she’s peaked, life can’t get better than this.

(That’s a lie, it would be better if she spoke English.)

He’s so amazing.

She’s gotten pretty good at navigating conversations with him, so she nods and aha’s her way through.

In his car on the way home the tone takes a more serious turn.

He asks her about something, and it’s a serious question, that much she’s gathered. She answers in the confirmative.

He is silent.

Did she say anything wrong?

(Edward, on his end, just asked if she knows what he is. She said yes, so calmly, not even a trace of fear in her.)

A few days later he takes her out on a walk in the woods.

He shows her a meadow in the woods, and when he steps into it he lights up in the sunlight.

Bella is in shock.

She knew there was something different about him, but- holy cow. This guy isn’t human.

Is she dating a god?

She stumbles into the clearing after him, and they spend a day together where he says things, and she can barely hear any of it (nevermind understand it) because she’s so distracted by how pretty he is.

The next day he takes her to a house in the middle of nowhere. She doesn’t want to guess that this can be where he lives. Surely gods don’t live in houses?

He shows her inside the house, and introduces her for Dr. Cullen and a lady with a name she doesn’t catch.

Bit weird that these two are acting like a couple of parents, they’re far too young and divine for that.

Edward shows her around in an old-fashioned office, and she doesn’t know what to make of i when she sees a painting of Carlisle. Edward launches into a long story when he sees her watching it, unfortunately she doesn’t catch any dates or artist names. At one point she heard the word “suicide”, though, and that’s not good.

She doesn’t get much out of the story.

The baseball game doesn’t happen because Bella didn’t pick up on what Edward wanted and didn’t realize she was being invited to a thing. They spend the afternoon watching a movie instead.

The relationship continues, impeded slightly by communication problems, but she’s mostly able to cover those up.

Until her birthday comes around.

She gets a papercut.

Jasper lunges at her. Edward throws her into a glass table, and then everyone is leaving.

Carlisle is kind enough to switch to Norwegian when he’s stitching up her arm, perhaps remembering the last time she was his patient. "Jasper har ikke vært på dietten vår så veldig lenge." Jasper hasn’t been on our diet for very long.

"Diett?"she asks. She’s never seen Edward eat anything. She wasn’t clear on what the Cullens ate, honestly she thought they were above such things. She was thinking maybe photosynthesis. The knowledge that they apparently eat food astounds her, but diets?

"Dyreblod istedenfor menneskeblod," Animal blood in stead of human blood, Carlisle clarifies.

Whachasay?

Carlisle gives a slight smile. “Jaspers liv som vampyr fikk en brutal start." Jasper’s life as a vampire got off to a brutal start.

...

Vampire?!

Bella’s missed something here.

Oh dear lord, oh fy faen, she has missed something.

“Åja”, uh huh, is all she can say, and suddenly she’s very aware of the fact that she’s sitting there with a bleeding arm.

And Carlisle.

Who is a vampire.

Over the course of the following conversation Bella makes a host of discoveries.

Edward has been a vampire this whole time, and he’s a telepathic vampire. Whether Bella should be a vampire too or not has been a matter of hot debate, but due to religious reasons Edward doesn’t want that.

Carlisle also brings up how Edward died of the Spanish flu.

"Jeg var under den oppfatning at Edward fortalte deg bakhistorien min?" I was under the impression Edward told you my back story? Carlisle asks at one point, and Bella just has to ask very nicely if he’d be so kind as to repeat it.

Turns out the guy is nearly four hundred years old.

Jaha.

Jahahaha jaa ha.

That’s… a lot.

She wanders out of the house in shock, and hardly notices Edward’s strange behavior over the next couple of days.

One day he picks her up at school, and takes her behind the house.

That works out.

He’s a vampire, but he never hurt her. He is endlessly beautiful, perhaps easier to love now that she knows he’s not a god. He’s her Edward, and that’s suddenly easier now that she knows.

They can still be together.

But now that she knows this about him, it’s about time he knows something about her as well.

It’s time to finally be honest with him.

So when he opens his mouth, she opens her mouth as well, but she doesn’t get any further than to “Edward-” before he launches into a monologue.

She’ll have to wait until he’s done before saying her piece. It’s a bit embarrassing, but it doesn’t seem like he intends to stop talking anyway.

And what he’s saying seems to be serious, so it’s probably best to let him finish.

Edward concludes his monologue by kissing her forehead. Then he disappears.

Where did he go?

A big unsure, Bella goes back to the house. She’ll just have to wait until he gets back.

She doesn’t know what to think when Charlie returns from work and tells her the Cullens have all left.

Oh, god.

Edward must have found out she doesn’t speak English.

She made a mockery of him.

He has every right to leave.

Knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to live with.

Bella sinks into a depression.

The hallucinations begin, as in canon, though Hallusinward speaks Norwegian. Thank god for small mercies.

The friendship with Jacob (dictionary in hand) blooms, as someone has to help her see those hallucinations.

The cliff diving happens, and Alice shows up. Bella’s not sure what this is about, but she has gotten good enough at English to know that something bad happened, and Alice wants them to do something.

She’s a bit surprised to find herself on a plane to Italy, though.

Alice tells her to “Run to Edward” and ok, she got that, actually.

So she saves Edward.

After that she’s taken into the sewer, which turns out to house dozens of vampires.

Bella, Edward, and Alice are received in some kind of hall, where an unusual vampire has quite a bit to say. She understands some of what he’s saying, at least the part about “la tua cantante”. She knows a bit about Italian, see, so she knows that he’s talking about a song now.

She wishes she knew the context.

At one point he takes her hand, and appears fascinated by it. She wonders if he’s a palmreader. Not very vampirey, but what does she know.

He asks her a question.

"Yes," she says.

Saying yes has gotten her this far, after all.

But when he lights up and claps his hands together, and Edward and Alice stare at her in shock and betrayal, she knows she must have said the wrong thing.

The two are dismissed from the room before Bella can do or say anything, she’s just listening to Edward make a racket outside in the hallway.

Not good.

The unusual vampire brings her further down in his sewer palace to a basement, and she is given comfortable clothes to wear.

This is getting terrifying.

The vampire leans towards her - and she chickens out.

"Jeg snakker ikke engelsk!" she squeaks. "Non habla ingles!" I don’t speak English.

Han stanser, og ser forvirret ut. "Que- Hva behager*?" I beg your pardon? spør han etter et øyeblikk.

*A very formal, and slightly outdated (you can use it, but people will think you’re putting on airs. And they will be right) way of saying “excuse me?”

Sobbing, Bella tells him the whole story, from how she didn’t want to be the weird kid in school to how she’s now somehow in Italy without knowing why nor what she just agreed to.

When she’s done the vampire starts laughing.

"Dette forklarer jo en hel del," This explains quite a bit, ler han. "Men, kjære Bella, jeg er redd det ikke endrer noe." But, my dear Bella, I’m afraid it changes nothing.

He tells her that she has agreed to serve him and his army of undead warriors into eternity.

Well fuck.

"Du skal få slippe det, når du ikke visste hva du samtykket til - men skjebnen din forblir den samme. Loven er loven." You’re released from that promise, as you didn’t know what you agreed to - but your fate remains the same. The law is the law.

After a moment of silence, during which she looks terrified, he hurries to add, "Vi har en lov. Du må bli en av oss." We have a law. You must become one of us.

A law that Bella Swan has to become a vampire?

People are finally speaking Norwegian, and Bella is still lost. And it’s too embarrassing to keep pestering this poor, polite man with questions.

So she nods.

He gives her a glittering smile, and bites her.

When she wakes, Aro offers her an English course. A language course that, naturally, leads to her staying in Volterra. Why not learn a few more languages while we’re at it, dearest Bella?

Some time later Edward breaks into Volterra to save his Rapunzel, only to barely recognize her now that she’s a vampire who says things. Lots of things, she talks all the time now. WHAT DID ARO DO TO HER.

Too mortified to admit that she never spoke English, Bella claims she’s been brainwashed.

Aro is having too much fun to correct her, and the whole sad affair sets off a regrettable flood of rumors.

#troquantary #norwegian things #bella swan #twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #evighetens kyss #evighetens kyss meta #evighetens kyss renessanse

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