#this is probably the last thing i talk about noah bc again people care too much about him

[earstwo]

hi hun, hope you are doing ok. what do you love the most about our beautiful adam?

hi friend! i am doing pretty well, thank you for checking in. i hope you’re doing okay and staying safe/healthy, etc.

as for your ask - i need you to know that i’ve been thinking about how to answer this question since you asked it last night bc i am nothing if not overdramatic. much like with ‘what is your favorite adam look’, there’s no way i could ever narrow it down to just one. it’s physically impossible for me. 

as such, here are a few things i love most about adam driver. these are in no particular order and i will try to not gush…too much, but no promises:

- his sense of humor and the fact that he doesn’t take himself too seriously. you’d think that for how serious and intense he is in general that he’d be like, a stick in the mud when it comes to comedy but he’s just not. i love the fact that he’s hosted SNL 3 times and just gets more and more ridiculous each time. he’s effortlessly funny in a way that we all we wish we could be. 

- he’s very self-deprecating. he makes fun of himself constantly (”that’s a bad joke”, “i’ve derailed this interview and now i can’t remember your question”, “i would be jabba the hutt if i weren’t kylo ren”, etc), and he’s god AWFUL at taking compliments, even when he absolutely deserves them. it’s something that makes me want to bear hug him and tape little post-its on his mirror that say “you are the best human on the planet” so he stops ever thinking otherwise.

- i love how much he lights up when he’s comfortable in his environment. if you haven’t yet, watch the VICE mini documentary about AITAF and his interviews during the logan lucky press tour with channing tatum and you’ll see what i’m talking about. that adam is probably more who adam actually is IRL and it’s literally just…i don’t even know. he’s funny and giggly and silly and absolutely fucking magnetic in every way. it’s almost hard to watch.

- i’ve honestly never tried to put this into words before, so i might fail miserably, but here goes: adam is the kind of dude that i’d be into IRL (putting his looks aside here because duh) because he’s strong and smart and masculine in a way that’s never once felt toxic to me. i love when a guy is self-sufficient and independent. i love when people don’t talk just to talk. that’s something that i struggle with often and i admire so much about him because he thinks about what he says for a long time before he says it and is always thoughtful and considerate with the words he does choose, so they always carry so much more weight. it’s so fucking attractive to me it’s insane. 

- i think it’s so fucking amazing how he’s able to fully transform himself into whatever role he’s playing. he disappears as adam and becomes his character. a perfect example of this is adam sackler, who was my intro to him as an actor. i thought for so long that adam driver just was adam sackler because that was long before i ever watched any interviews/learned about him as a human being. his ability to fully immerse himself in whatever character he’s playing is so incredible that i genuinely can’t see where he stops and his character begins when he’s acting. it’s so goddamn impressive.*side note: i fucking love how dedicated he is to each character he plays, too. doing all his own stunts as ben, learning to drive a fucking bus as paterson, losing 50 lbs for silence. that boy never does anything half-assed and it’s so fucking admirable. 

- his work ethic. don’t judge me too much here, but sometimes when i’m feeling lazy about work or exercising or literally anything, i think about adam driver and how hard he works constantly and it motivates me to get my shit together. i will literally probably never meet this dude, but i still want to be the type of person he’d be friends with and therefore try to always work harder than anyone else in the room. lmao i’m such a mess

- i promise i didn’t intentionally save his looks for the end of this post, and i feel like that’s very telling of how wonderful i think he is as a human, BUT IN ANY CASE, he is obviously incredibly handsome. that goes without saying. people that say he’s ‘weird hot’ can take a long walk off a short bridge, because no. he’s just hot. not ‘unconventionally’ or ‘nontraditionally’ hot. JUST HOT. beautiful. gorgeous. rugged. dark and tall in every way that a heartthrob should be. i love his crooked teeth and his ears because they make him more human; if he didn’t have them it would honestly just be too much. he’s already like a fucking greek god walking among us, we need these little human imperfections (can we even call them that?) to remind us that he’s not actually adonis. i love his hair. i love his eyes and how he can convey 19389294 things with them in mere seconds. i love his stupid half-smiles and smirks. don’t even get me sTARTED ON THE WINKING. men winking in general is something that sends me - watching adam do it had me on the fucking floor gasping for air and wondering when death was going to finally take me. 

- HONORABLE MENTIONS: *he always signs autographs or makes time to go talk to fans*he always turns conversations regarding his talent around so that someone else is receiving the praise instead of him (see: him complimenting noah baumbach’s marriage story script) *the thing with ben affleck’s son and how good he is with kids in general. christ on a cracker, as if i needed more reasons to be obsessed with him*dogs love him too and that’s just not a thing we should take lightly*the fact that he’s not on social media at all and actually hates it*HIS VOICE. JESUS FUCK. HOW COULD I FORGET THAT VOICE??phew, okay - 

i’m not gonna sit here and act like you asked for this, because you didn’t. you asked for me to tell you what i love most and i’ve written you an essay about ALL THE THINGS i love. and i also hope you know that i really did have to pull back here and stop myself from piling more things onto this.

TLDR: adam driver is a devastatingly talented, humble, intelligent, gorgeous, and kind dude. he’s everything that i think a ‘celebrity’ should be and even though i know he doesn’t really care about this kind of stuff, i hope he knows how inspiring he is in so many ways. he’s gotten me to write and create again by simply being my muse and he’s gotten me to be more thoughtful and intentional with my words and actions because of the level of commitment that he gives to everything in his life. i don’t actually know if you can love someone you’ve never met or spoken to, but if you can, i love him. a lot. 

also, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i miss him and hope he’s doing okay. knowing what i know about him, he’s probably enjoying the time he’s got to sleep and spend with his family but also probably itching to go back to work. whatever the situation may be, as long as that boi is safe and healthy, i’m gucci. 

#you didn't ask for this but you're getting it anyway #i will understand if you never come into my inbox again lmao #you can't just cCASUALLY ASK ME WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY FAVORITE HUMAN IN THE UNIVERSE AND EXPECT ME TO GIVE YOU LIKE A ONE SENTENCE ANSWER #it was never going to happen #anonymous #answered #adam driver #adam

[peacedolantwins]

Come Home Safe

A/N: part of my family series and just to make things a little easier, Sky is 22, Connor is 18, Alex and Riley are 15, Noah is 12 and Elise is 7 in this one

You, Ethan and the kids were watching a movie in the living room when Connor came from his room. You had thought something was off about him when he came home from school but you knew he would talk about it when he was ready.

“Mom? Dad?” He stood at the doorway.

“What’s up?” Ethan paused the movie and all eyes turned towards the 18 year old.

“I know I should have talked to you guys about it first but I’ve been thinking about it for a while now and-“ He was rambling, something he always did when he was nervous.

“Just say it bud, it’s okay whatever it is.” Ethan encouraged from his spot.

“I signed up for the army.”

Silence.

You looked away and down at your lap, not wanting anyone to see the tears forming.

“Kids can you go to your rooms please?” You heard Ethan ask the kids, but he sounded so much further than he was.

“Y/n?” He moved closer to you and rubbed your arm. You stayed quiet.

“Mom?” Connor didn’t like how quiet you were. He knew you probably weren’t going to be happy about it but he wasn’t liking the silence either.

“No.” You finally looked up at him.

“No?”

“No. I don’t want you going,” you said while fighting back tears.

“Mom, it doesn’t work that way I-“ his heart broke at seeing your eyes so glossy. He always wanted his mom to be happy and safe and right now he was the one making her cry.

“Connor, I can’t-“ you took a breath, “excuse me.” You got up and went to your and Ethan’s room.

Both of them watched as you rushed up the stairs and heard a quiet click from the door signaling it was shut.

“Con, come here,” Ethan patted the spot on the couch across from him that was now empty.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” While Ethan wasn’t a complete fan about his sons decision, he was going to respect it. You and him and always encouraged the kids to make their own choices and if this was his then so be it.

“Yeah, I’ve talked things over with my recruiter and really thought about it. This isn’t just some impulse decision Dad,” Connor was starting to get defensive about it.

“Hey, I never said it was. You said you had a recruiter?”

Connor nodded.

“So then you’ve talked about everything? Got all the information you need? As long as this is something you really want to do, I’m in your corner bud.” Ethan never wanted his kids to feel like he was against them in anyway. His dad supported his dreams and he was going to support his own kids dreams.

“Thanks. Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“What about mom?”

“I’ll talk to her,” he said with a sigh. “It probably would have been a little bit easier if you told us you were thinking about it rather than just springing it, but it’s okay.” With that he got up and patted Connor on the shoulder before heading up the stairs.

“Y/n…” Ethan walked in to see you crying at the edge of the bed with your head in your hands.

“It’s going to be okay,” he tried to comfort you.

“But what if it’s not? What if something happens to him? What if he doesn’t come home Ethan?” Your cried to him.

“Hey, you can’t think like that,” he took your hands, trying to calm you down.

“But it’s true! Sometimes they don’t come back and I don’t want to have to bury my own child. I can’t do that E,” you leaned in and just cried on his shoulder.

He understood what you were saying and he was scared too. Things happen, especially in the army but needed to make sure you were okay. Everyone couldn’t be falling apart right now.

You two talked for a few hours and you were finally feeling okay enough to have a conversation with your son that wasn’t completely clouded by your emotions.

You slipped on some warm clothes and grabbed a blanket from the hallway as you headed downstairs.

“Connor,” you knocked on his door. It took him awhile but he finally opened it and you could tell he had been sleeping.

“Mom?” He was so confused. Why were you up at three in the morning? More importantly, why were you waking him up at three in the morning?

“Put something warm on and grab a blanket then meet me in the truck.”

He watched as you walked away and heard you grab the keys before heading outside. Connor didn’t understand what was going on but he did as you asked.

He got to the truck and saw you had already thrown a blanket in the trunk and he threw his back there with it.

“Let’s go talk okay?” You explained when you saw how confused he looked. He nodded and put on his seatbelt.

You drove around on the land for a while before stopping in a spot where you could really see the stars. It was moments like this you were grateful for how big the property was.

“C’mon,” you stopped the truck and hopped into the trunk. You arranged the blankets so it would be a bit more comfortable.

He climbed in and you two sat next to each other just taking in the view.

“So, army?” Might as well get the conversation going.

“Yeah,” he knew you weren’t happy about it.

“Connor why?” You just wanted to understand.

“Mom, I wanna be able to help people. Being able to help the country is something I want to do,” he tried to explain.

“Then let someone else do it.”

“Mom.” He turned to you.

“If everyone thought like that, there wouldn’t be anybody enlisting. People need to step up and I want to do it.”

“I just- I want you to be okay Connor. I just want you to be okay,” you understood him wanting to serve but you wanted him to understand your fear of never seeing him again.

“I’m gonna be okay mom,” He didn’t want you to worry about him.

“You can’t promise me that baby,” he turned and saw just how sad you looked.

Realistically he knew you were right. He knew there was a chance something could happen and he might not come home. But he needed to do this.

After a long, long, conversation between the two of you, both of you were finally seeing eye to eye. He explained everything to you, answering every question he could and you listened to him.

The two of you finally went back to the house and went to bed. After some sleeping in, all three of you were going to explain what all of that meant to the kids. Turns out Connor had already talked to Skylar about it.

The twins took it surprisingly well. They thought it was kinda cool what their big brother was going to go do. Noah and Elise… well they didn’t take it too well.

Ever since Noah was born, his big brother was there for him. He was there for him when none of this siblings would help him. He made him feel safe. And now he was going to leave. Just like that.

And while Noah looked up to Connor, baby Elise looked up to Noah. She may be seven but she was able to determine that if Noah decided he was mad at Connor then so was she.

And so who the two youngest in the house used to idolize soon became public enemy number one. Connor offered to take everyone out? Noah said no and Elise copied her brother.

The twins did what they could to get their siblings to not be so mad at Connor but nothing worked. They even tried bribing them to just go hang out with him but they would take it.

Everyone could see how hurt Connor was by his younger siblings but there really wasn’t anything to do about it. You all had tried to talk to them and they didn’t care. They just knew their big brother was leaving them. Their big sister was gone and now their brother would be too.

While two of them wanted nothing to do with Connor anymore, the rest of you were doing what you could to help him out. Which basically meant helping him get ready for boot camp.

Ethan would train with him in the gym, building up strength and muscle. You would get up at five in the morning to go running with him. You hated running and hated getting up at that hour, but it was time you got to spend with him so you took it.

The twins, well… their version helping was going to obstacle courses and taking a parkour class bc they said he had to be ready for the courses. While it sort of made sense to you, you were just glad that after those days your twins came home completely tired and exhausted.

The house was a lot quieter and calmer those days.

Before you knew it, it was time for Connor to leave. You all took him to the airport and walked him as far as you could.

You had all said your goodbyes and were turning away when you felt the two small hands rip away from yours. You and Ethan turned to see Noah and Elise running back to Connor and hugging him.

“Please don’t go,” Noah looked up at him.

“You can’t leave!” Elise was crying into his shirt.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” he knelt down to be closer to their level.

“It’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna come back. You won’t even know I’m gone, that’s how fast I’ll be back. And you have mom and dad, and Sky, and Alex and Riley. You two have each other right? And you’re going to look out for each other?” He pulled them in for a hug, one on each side of him.

“Good,” he relied when he felt them nod. “Go back to mom, okay? I’ll call when I can,” he gave them one last hug and watched as they headed back.

The four of you watched as he went through security, a cloud of sadness over you all as you returned to the car with one less child.

pls like/reblog/comment it means a lot to me

@pgm-dolan @dolandolll @dolanshellyes @mysecretsaremydemons @mmmmmgd @ethandolxns @dolantwinsfavss @knee-deep-in-feels @godlydolans @dolanstwintuesday @sarcasm-at-its-finest2444 @fandomsfeministsandothershit @graydolan12 @ilsolee @inlovewithethandolan @someonedoingnothing @vintagebitttch @sunshinedolantwins @chonisberonica @ardordolan @ethantasy @wasabisama331 @graysavant @atlas-of-a-human-soul @wolfpuppii009 if you wanna be added/want me to stop tagging you just let me know

#ethan dolan #grayson dolan #dolan twins #dolan twins fanfic #ethan dolan fic #ethan dolan fanfic #ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan fanfiction #grayson dolan fic #grayson dolan fanfic #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan fanfiction #ethan dolan angst #dolan twins angst #dolan twins fic #dolan twins imagine #fic #mine #family series

[theyellowcurtains]

Tagged by @rimbaux 

Rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people u want to know better!

Tagging: i am #lazy so i’m gonna tag @chlouais, @thewhatgay, @davenziabend, @vildelesbianqueen, @bibitheroselover, and @sourflorenzi and whoever wants to do this

Nickname: by most people i’m called harri, and by noah i’m beeb, by bibi i’m h alskjd

Zodiac sign: virgo but also i feel like that’s wrong.

Height: in cm i’m 153cm in feet i’m 5′. very tiny

Hogwarts House: i’m a ravenclaw and will take that to my grave i do not care what that stupid quiz says

Last thing I googled: uuuh i gotta check this “after anna todd” bc i was talking to noah about that being a fic turned book turned movie and how much i don’t support it

Fave musicians: get ready for a list. fall out boy, the living end, snoop dogg, killing heidi, one direction, the academy is..., jet, elton john. there’s probably more that i’m missing rn but these are ones i will always say are some faves alskj

Song stuck in my head: wonderwall by oasis, and again it’s enitrely noah’s fault.

Following: 703 follows from @gnomediscourse

Followers: 1372 which is shocking first wow second wow wild

Do u get asks? if i ask for them yes that’s when i mostly get them. i love when people just send them and really really love talking to people. for babieflorenzi though sometimes i get like 20 in a day then none for months it’s brilliant

Amount of sleep: i’m gonna check my app thing but at the moment it’s probably around 3h at a time bc i’ve got the Death Illness that is a sinus infection and tonsilitis. 

What are u wearing? pjamas hell yeah, but i gotta get dressed soon

Dream job: i wanna write and direct films but who knows. i might end up being a film/media teacher in the future bc it’s more secure of a job

Dream trip: i was talking to my nan about this today i wanna fly to like,, the bottom of italy and make my way up europe in trains. mostly bc we don’t have trains here in my city and i love them but also,, europe wow. my other would be to go to cuba and see where my nan and pop were living and where my dad has been and stuff. it’d be cool.

Instruments: i can play,, many. primary instruments are bass and piano but i also play ukelele, the tiniest bit of guitar, trumpet, and violin

Languages: english is my only good language really but i also know french and norwegian fluently with reading/listening. i am trying to learn spanish again and a bit of german :)

10 fav songs: this is gonna take me a hot minute

- you’re gonna go far kid - the offspring.

- music or misery - fall out boy

- slow down - the academy is...

- sensual seduction - snoop dogg

- clint eastwood - gorillaz

- peaches - the presidents of the united states of america

- honky cat - elton john

- are you gonna be my girl - jet

- boatsy - wiley ft a list of people

- highschool never ends - bowling for soup

Random fact: i am dealthy afraid of the ocean and would rather fall from a tall building than go in it. i’m also not a big fan of swimming pools or bathtubs

My aesthetic: it’s one of three things. sk8tr boi, art hoe, or like too much gothic. i love them all sm 

#mine #tag games #thank u flo #i'm maybe the most boring person though laksjn #not skam

[uchiha-sensei]

hello again :) may I ask, are the general fan favourites of DARK our Jonas, future Jonas, the Tiedemann's (all except Bartosz), Martha, Mikkel (cause he didn't do anything wrong...poor thing), the Doppler's, Ines Kahnwald? Is that it, are there more? Perhaps Michael Kahnwald (future Mikkel)? Are there any you disagree with?

Hello! I’m glad you’re back

Regina and Aleksander/Boris (the Tiedemann’s) are very well liked, especially as a couple, but we don’t see enough of them I think, to actually say we love their characters separately? A lot of people see Aleksander/Boris as shady (which for sure he is) and for Regina all we see are her hardships, unfortunately. I particularly love them! Would love to see more of their personalities and background stories tho, especially Aleksander/Boris. About Claudia though, it’s more controversial. I don’t see a lot of people liking her enough to say she’s a favorite, but she’s not disliked. It’s kinda confusing to know because we still don’t know that well where she stands in the ‘war’. But, like, it also depends on which time we see her? I mean, I see that people don’t like old!Claudia that much, but young!Claudia arise a lot of empathy and even fondness. Adult!Claudia is even worse, because she’s a terrible mother, but at the same time a very interesting and decided woman who are trying to deal with The Bullshit as best as she can. Doris is well liked, and I think even Egon has been gaining more supporters, bc since season 2 we see more of him than just a lazy cop. 

The Dopplers, I think it depends on which one you’re talking about. Charlotte, Elisabeth and even Franziska are, for obvious reasons, the ones people like the most. Peter is kinda of ignored, more than disliked. For Helge I’ve seen a lot of sympathy, he was a pawn, manipulated since he was a child, poor thing.. but besides that, I don’t think he’d be considered a fan favorite. Helge’s parents are a different story, Greta is very well disliked (probably bc she’s shown to be kinda of a neglectful and rough mother who then gives her only child to a shady person, Noah). We don’t know much about Bernd, just that he was the one to build the nuclear plant and to pass it to Claudia. 

Martha is another controversial one, I’ve seen sympathetic posts, defending/explaining her situation and position on the mess, but also some that just think her drama and her actions are kinda irrelevant, and her entire existence as a subterfuge to make Jonas do stuff (until the alternative world!Martha, that is). That last opinion is generally what people think of Magnus too, I believe, that he’s kinda “unnecessary” and “annoying”. 

Ines Kanhwald lost her popularity very fast lol. After season 1 her relationship with Mikkel and the way she was kind and taken by his personality, instead of just patronizing, made a lot of people like her, and even feel relieved that she took him in, cared for him. Since season 2, tho, we see that she wasn’t actually that ready to be a mother of a child that has a troubled past. She stops believing him and his anguish of not being where he should be, and instead of helping she starts getting desperate to tie him down to her, to the point that she drugs him (and takes him from Ulrich who spend 30 years looking for him) lmao I think at this moment we all kinda said “nope, that’s it”. This actually explains A LOT of the changes Mikkel went trough to then become Michael. 

And finally we arrive on the subject of Michael Kanwhald. Why do people love Mikkel but don’t care for Michael or don’t feel the same level of sympathy for him? I think it has to do his personality. Mikkel, who was bright, intelligent, smart, well spoken, resourceful, and so on (to be more direct had a very charming personality) turned out to be that washed out version of himself, kind of a dazed recluse that lives in the shadows. The fact that we don’t see much of him (as an adult) before the suicide day don’t help either. But I think, and this is a kinda popular opinion here, that it has to do with the way Ines drugged him and dismissed his stories and opinions, besides him feeling disconnected from the reality he was living on and isolated from the others. It’s a shame though, because I think that Mikkel/Michael was a very good father. We can see this since the first episode through how much Jonas was tortured because of his death; but then also how he is soft, loving and affectionate with Jonas in season 2. His love was so strong he agreed to kill himself so Jonas could be born… (I’m legit tearing up again, jeez). Michael deserves more credit. 

Anyway, excuse me for such a long answer, I just couldn’t stop lol 

#thank you for the ask! #dark netflix #dark #jeez i can't shup up huh

[asillydreamer-on-a-crazyworld]

OK, now that I’m normal again and my feelings are not all over the place I’m ready to talk rationally about the episode.

I’m gonna start saying that I loved it.

Annie:

I always thought that Annie ended up like the most dysfunctional adult bc Beth was there to clean up her messes.  Beth, as the older sister, took Annie under her protection and I think she was way more like a mom to her rather than a sister. We all can see how every time Annie has a problem she can’t deal with, she goes to Beth. She relies on her.Beth became Annie’s safe place whenever she lost control over things in her life. I understand Beth in these situations but I also think she could have handled her sister better, let her deal with her problems rather than running to her when she called it. I always wondered if this co-dependency she has on her big sis is also one of the reasons Dean doesn’t like Annie much. I can clearly see him arguing with Beth about her always going to her sis while she has a family to take care of.

I loved that Ruby told her what Beth really was for her. How she sacrificed a lot just to be there for her little sis. I think Annie knows it too, but sometimes she is so caught up in her own problems that she takes for granted what Beth does for her. And I’m not saying that to make Annie the bad guy here. She is just human and like I said, she was not the only one responsible for the person she became.

What I loved is that later, she feels it, deep down, Ruby’s words. They were inside her head the whole time she went back home, I bet and that is why we also see her so fragile while talking to Sadie. She is finally facing her own demons bit by bit, she is afraid that she is not being a good mom, a good influence on Sadie... She is afraid because she knows her own faults as an adult and she probably feels ashamed that she can’t even afford the medicine her son needs. I understand and respect her for not wanting to ask for anybody’s money bc she wants to succeed in being a good parent to her kid once in her life.

Also. Finally, the moment when she opens her eyes about what Noah did. People call Annie stupid and naive. I think she is mostly naive. She trusts people too easy sometimes. But she is smart ( I think we can agree that she slips a lot but again, she is just human) and she quickly connected the dots in her head when Ruby asked who could have known about Boland Motors. I don’t know what she is gonna do, but I think she is gonna confront him rather than play some kind of cat/mouse game with Noah.

One thing about Noah tho:

I don’t think he is working for Rio. I’ve seen some theories about it but his reactions yesterday tells me that he was feeling guilty and worried. He likes Annie, and frankly, with her goofy, carefree nature it’s so easy to like her. If he was working secretly for Rio or was his inside man in the FBI, I don’t think there was a reason for him to feel any of those feelings. He would know they wouldn’t end up finding anything and that she and her sis would be safe. And about using her in any way or lying to her about it?  I think if he is catching feelings for her as I think he is, he wouldn’t need to be so worried bc, after all, they are all working for the same guy, right? Noah would feel a bit like a d-bag but I’m pretty sure he’d feel like they could talk it out in a way.

From the synopsis for episode 12, I do think that in the end they both are gonna talk about what Noah did.

Ruby:

OMG RUBY!!! She was perfect, as always. From supporting Stan, to not let her man wallow in self-pity  and also standing up for Beth, this woman again shows us how loyal she is and how far she is willing to go to help those she loves, while also thinking about how this will affect her family in the long run, but she knows there is no way out right now. She needs to keep going bc there is no other option. Stan has no job, they have bills to pay, kids to feed and with her job, Ruby can’t deal with everything financially on her own.

I just love how strong she is despite everything. I really can’t say more about Ruby in this episode bc I see Ruby as the moral compass in the show. And I can’t wait to see how She is gonna deal with the obstacles on her way bc we know they are huge and they will make her go against some of her own values here to help her hubby and her family. I’m dying to see how she handles it.

We know she is afraid and that is why she did what she did on that bus. Throwing the drugs away showed me how desperate she suddenly became and I think that it was because she thought about how Sara treated Stan after he was arrested. She panicked bc she didn’t wanna her daughter to go through that again, watching another parent being arrested in front of her friends. Imagine the humiliation for Sara? Ruby loves her kid and she knows she suffered after seeing what happened to her father. She didn’t wanna ruin her relationship with Sara too. I understand, u, boo. I got u!

I will be here rooting and suffering with her and Stan. 

Beth:

ohh Beth... How beautifully complex u are.U guys know I’m biased when it comes to this woman but she had one of my favorite scenes in the episode.That scene of her in the store... GOD! What a scene. The suspense, the thrill she got for doing something wrong and the possibility of getting caught, the song while everything was happening.. slowing down and down... PERFECT. She was trying so hard being good but this dark thing inside her was awakened and demanded to be fed.

She had a taste of it, of freedom from the dormant life she lead. This is a woman who lived, breathed, for everyone else but not for herself. Beth Boland never got a chance to know who she really is, what she likes to do, what she could be. She was molded into that momma persona and I think it’s natural that she struggles between being just that and the scary possibility of finding out what, who else she can be. 

If u had to start all over again, find out who else u wanted to be, wouldn’t u be afraid too? Yeah, for some ppl it can be exciting as well, but most people will feel fear also.

I think that by the last scene of her, she is feeling just like that: afraid but excited as hell.

When she laughed and said it was fun almost being caught by the feds? CHILLS literally chills !! Beth is flirting with this wild side of her that get’s excited with power and challenges.

This doesn’t make her a villain, in my opinion, just someone more complex and that is embracing this side we all have that makes us wonder: “what would be like to not care at all? For rules, for being nice and polite all the time, sometimes to ppl we hate or don’t care at all? What if I just cheat and lie to get what I want as other people do? They don’t seem to care and they are in a better place in life than me.”

I love when writers let us see how a character struggles between the lines of what we accept as morally right and what we think it’s a no-go for “good people” like us, when we know nobody is perfect or a saint.

Watching her sitting inside that car in the dark and then leaving... Her chair empty...

We saw earlier in the episode when Dean (stupid Dean) asks her if she misses it and she says “would it matter?”.  He says something else about her cookies and she just smiles but then we see the smile leaving her face and I was like:

OMG GIRL. I know.. I know it hurts and it sucks.

Her breaking down? One long time thing coming. She needed that. It also shows us that she might have another breakdown soon but this time with Dean. Beth is so fed up with just being the good momma, the good person... Always doing the right thing. No more. And if Dean keeps pushing her?

 Ohh I don’t wanna be him.

Beth x Rio.

ok Now, on these two. I let my shipper feels get the best of me. 

SUE ME.

I have this hopeless romantic side of me that can’t help but go all in in the feels.LOL

That being said:

DO I think that what Rio said in that promo was like a marriage proposal? OF COURSE NOT. And I am sure a lot of ppl know that. It’s called shipper behavior. We all allow ourselves to be a bit silly about it.

AGAIN. SUE ME. xD

We don’t know how that scene is gonna happen and what will be really said, in addition to what we heard them say but like u, dear follower or person who sees my posts in the tag know, I do believe Rio have personal reasons and way more practical ones to want Beth working for him again.

Some say it is a punishment for the headache she probably caused him when she said she was out. However, I’d argue that it is not that good of punishment because she likes it. She likes to work with him. She likes doing it. But yeah, for a lifetime? Not what I think she has in mind or will want it in the long run in that sense, I agree that it is one but not an effective one or the best way to punish her, RIGHT NOW.

And there is a big IF in what I said bc what if she ends up wanting to do that in the long run? We don’t know what direction Beth’s character will follow in the future.

Now back to the point, yeah it looks like a punishment and I’m sure she will freak out about Boomer’s body and we still don’t know what else Rio is gonna do and their relationship right now?

A mess. An UNHEALTHY, hot mess. Because again he has all the power.

Again Rio is gonna feed on her indecision and fears and he will get what he wants from her in the end bc this man is not playing around.

That is why I don’t think he has softened. Rio is like a snake. He will surprise u and attack when u less expect him to.

He surprised her in the park. He followed her or we can say he knows her well enough now to know exactly where she is. And again Rio showed her he is one step ahead of her ( and of everyone else it seems lol).

I see a man who is a planner, a charmer, a cold killer when he needs to be, a father, a rational, logical, smart man, controlling and who loves power and who also can be an attentive, soft lover if he also wants. He is a man who knows how to read people. But the fact that he reads Beth so well? I don’t think that is because she is weak, but rather that she is too much like him in some aspects.

He respects her. No one can say the contrary.

But he won’t let her ruin things for him, so here he is making sure she doesn’t, she goes to that park and tells her the FBI is going to BM bc if she gets caught? The feds will have info on the little operation they had there!

But they were also partners so, if he lets her go down for this, he only has things to lose. Her included. Because, yeah I believe he sees her as a valuable asset. 

Beth, with her efficiency, intelligence, and courage, secured herself a place in his organization, and people like her, even if a bit dangerous ( and are not all of them like that? the people he deals with on a daily basis?)? They are the kind of people born for what he does and he sure as hell won’t let her go.

And I believe he keeps pulling at the strings he has on her tighter bc he knows she is not sure of what she wants herself, but he won’t let her slip away from his fingers.

That is why I also think he is in way too deep with her. Why he let her under his skin and he is not thinking rationally, not 100%. She probably won’t use the dealership again ( for reasons - the FBI still there and Dean). I don’t know how she is gonna do it but she will go back to launder money for him and I believe he will help her with that.

DOES HE NEED TO?

NO.

She is taking too much of his time already. This woman is soo high maintenance. Too much of a headache.

However, I believe he likes it. He has fun with it. He lets her get away with too much. Oh, you all know I said that A LOT of times before.

I do believe he wants her, like hard still.

He is a man after all, who appreciates good, pretty, not too easy to get kind of things.

Beth Boland is like that. She is interesting.

Do I believe they will drive into the sunset together or that he will turn into a puppy for her?

 LMAO nope.

I’m happy with how the writers are handling things for now.

The only thing I hated was how they didn’t give us the trio comedy that Rio x Ruby x Annie is. But I guess they preferred to spend more time on that scene of the FBI breaking into Boland Motors 

But, yeah, I have faith in the writers and the cast bc they gave us a lot already and if they could make an episode look great even when heavy spoilers were published, oh just imagine what else they can give us.

I think we’ve been well fed compared to other shows ( I said that already but whatever. I still believe we are!)

Balance is not easy to manage and hell, I’m happy I’m not a writer bc damn,  it is not easy to keep everyone in a fandom happy.

( there is no way u can feed everyone, not all the time, right?)

sorry that this became such a monster of a post xD

#nbc good girls #beth x rio #ruby hill #annie marks #beth boland #omg look an essay #LOL

[not-a-space-alien]

Into the Unknown, Part 6: Search Party: Regrouped

Prologue | Dramatis Personae | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Series masterpost

On AO3

Author’s note:  this is the chapter where things get a little weird so I hope you still like it!

In the aftermath of this disastrous meeting, Raphael made the rather unpleasant discovery that not only had Maltha never been given medical treatment by anyone else in her entire life, but that she didn’t care for the experience one bit.  She vented her frustrated at anyone who had the misfortune of being nearby; the first thing she did upon regaining consciousness was to mercilessly criticise the way Raphael had treated her.  When he tried to fix his dressings according to her directions, she did nothing but snap at him.

“You’re doing it wrong,” Maltha huffed, slapping Raphael’s hands away.  “I’ll do it.”

She leaned forwards and tried her best to re-wrap the bandages around her burns despite the obvious pain it was causing her.  Raphael sighed.  “Come on. Just let me do it.  Give me some credit.”

“No,” Maltha said.  “Go see to one of your other patients, if you haven’t already killed them all with your incompetence.  It’s a wonder the entire host hasn’t gone extinct under your care.”

Raphael closed the door of Maltha’s room in the infirmary behind him to protect passersby in the hallway from her jilted gaze and cranky commentary. He slid the little window in the door closed, too, for good measure, because Maltha didn’t seem to care about anything not in her direct line of sight at the moment.

She would be in a bad mood for a long time.  Understandably so, considering how close to death she had come, and the extent of her injuries.  All the patients under Raphael’s care right now were unique and would require specialised treatment, but the best treatment for Maltha seemed to be to slide the materials she would need under the door and let her sort it out herself.

The next patient was Kabata.  It turned out that the reason he hadn’t burned up to the point of immobilisaton, like the other demons in the room, was that he had drunk half a jug of angel dust before coming up, which had provided him with some level of protection. When asked to explain where he had gotten it from, he revealed that it was leftover from the siege of Heaven.  He had not been able to force himself to drink the entire jug of the foul concoction and had stashed the rest for later use, which had remained undisturbed in the intervening years.

Raphael told him he probably would have burned had he actually needed the angel dust during the siege of Heaven.  Kabata told him he obviously hadn’t needed it, so maybe Raphael should mind his own business.  Raphael had then made a show of getting ready to leave, which had prompted Kabata to glower and say Raphael didn’t need to go so far minding his own business that he couldn’t attend to his wounds.

While he worked, Raphael thanked Kabata for killing God, because it had saved their lives and ultimately the entire new order.  Kabata fidgeted uncomfortably and snapped at Raphael to mind his own business.  Raphael reassured him he was trying to be nice.  Kabata still eyed him with suspicion.

When pressed as to how exactly he had managed the feat for which Raphael was grateful, Kabata revealed that the weapon he had brought, which had been swiftly taken off of him, was literally called “The God-Killing Knife.” It was an artifact thought lost to time, not seen in millennia, which had been the subject of a number of secret missions from both Heaven and Hell.  It was even more powerful than both the Shiv of Kali and the Golden Dagger of Meggido combined, and both sides had been after it to see the exact extent of what it could do.  Despite the absolute uniqueness of the spellwork on its blade and the rumours about it, nobody had thought the title had been literal.

Despite the name, Kabata insisted vehemently at every opportunity that the God-Killing Knife was a short-sword and not a knife.

When pressed, Kabata admitted he had taken it from Yulera, who collected a number of things she had no idea the value of in her infernal hoard tucked away in a forgotten corner of Hell.  This tracked with the last reported sighting of the God-Killing Knife, which had been in 3560 BC when the archdemon Asmodeus had brought it down to present to Satan, only to find it inconveniently missing from her bag upon trying to do so.

They were beginning to think “Lost to time” really just meant “Lost to Yulera’s grubby, kleptomaniac hands.”  Raphael thought it might be worth talking to Yulera to see what else she had in her hoard, which she had moved to a new location whenever Aziraphale and Crowley had found it to keep it secret.  There might be other things of use in there.  Not for Raphael, of course.  But for someone, surely.

In spite of the Herculean feat Kabata had just completed for the good of the new order, he received few thanks.  Those who were inclined to try had their Thank yous rebuffed with a flurry of threats and insults, and most scurried away under his burning glare before even working up the courage to talk to him.

He was not a pleasant conversation partner.  He had a guarded, antagonistic attitude towards everyone trying to help him, and the medical staff could tell he was trying to judge how hard it would be to escape the infirmary.  Raphael could only stand so many Mind your own businesses before he decided to quit.  He didn’t bother to ask how Kabata had known about their meeting despite not receiving an invitation, figuring a ne’er-do-weller such as him simply made it a habit of being up to no good and snooping.

The infirmary wasn’t meant for holding people against their will and Kabata would definitely be able to break out as soon as he made up his mind to, but Raphael locked the door when he left all the same.  Kabata was unpleasant, but he might not really be an enemy anymore, and he probably didn’t mean anyone any genuine harm.  Between the two of them, Maltha was probably the bigger terror to the staff.

Raphael’s third patient was much more grateful than the first two.  Mykas spent about five straight minutes licking Raphael’s face while Raphael stood in unsure silence before Angelo explained that was how Mykas showed affection now.  Mykas shared a card Angelo had been helping him make, which said Thank You Raphael in overly messy scrawl, with a picture of Mykas and Raphael holding hands.  Raphael thanked him for the card and reassured him he would hang it up somewhere.

Mykas had been exposed to the divine aura for the longest and, consequently, was very severely burned, but he was of a strong constitution and made a quick recovery under Raphael’s hands.  And he was far easier to work with, so the nurses flocked to him over any of the other patients.  The worst they got from him was the occasional sniff in odd places.

Raphael’s fourth patient was not doing quite as well.  Victoria had scraped Metatron off the pavement where they had landed about half a kilometer away from the Judgement Hall, all but splattered into paste by the sledgehammer blow that had been delivered to them. They were alive, but just barely, and Raphael couldn’t tell when they would awake, if ever.

Metatron had been placed in a small pool of holy water, long black hair floating out behind them, and had been assigned three healers to see to them at all times in shifts.  It might be enough to save their life.

Raphael’s last patient was an antichrist, which he had never treated before. The fact that Noah had burned in God’s presence was a sign of his infernal blood and good enough evidence of what might happen if Raphael tried to treat him like an angel, so he used the same makeshift techniques he cobbled together to try and treat the other demons. Noah was the first to regain consciousness out of lot and did not seem as severely injured as the others—perhaps his nature of not being entirely of demon blood, the result of his mixed heritage, had provided him some protection.

It did make Raphael wonder who exactly Noah’s other parent was, but it was more idle curiosity than anything.  At any rate, Noah was the first to declare himself well enough to leave, offering that he was extremely busy in Hell and he had been away long enough over Raphael’s protests that he should stay in the infirmary longer.

Noah lingered just long enough to have a conversation with Uriel that Raphael couldn’t help overhearing, during which he thanked her for saving his life. Upon seeing Uriel’s surprise at being thanked, Noah said he thought someone ought to acknowledge what was probably the first time she had ever done something so selfless, just in case nobody else was going to do it.  Then he left, bidding everyone farewell and heading back down to Hell.

Kabata was the second to leave.  Despite the precautions, Kabata broke out and disappeared as soon as he was well enough to walk.  No one was particularly bothered by this, in truth, because he seemed at worst a nuisance at this point, not intending any real harm for anybody, his one blood-quest fulfilled at last.  He did, unfortunately, manage to swipe the God-Killing Knife back for himself before heading out, which was a pity because they would all have felt a lot better having it around.

Maltha was the third to leave, again before Raphael discharged her, but he knew better than to try and overrule her.  He was somewhat surprised to see Maltha thank Uriel as well, and even give her a peck on the cheek.  Maybe it was true that even the most wretched among them weren’t beyond hope.

Contrary to everyone else, Mykas stayed for as long as Raphael asked him, wagging his tail furiously and pouncing on Raphael each time he came in, seemingly delighted to be the center of attention and doted on.

Raphael eventually had to convince him to leave once it was clear he was perfectly healthy, leaving the Metatron as the only patient left in the healing ward, to be attended to day and night.  Raphael was hopeful, since Metatron was stable at the very least.

There was one patient, however, that Raphael could not help…

“I’ve covered everything between the Judgement Hall and the Hall of the Throne,” Aziraphale reported as Raphael washed blood off his hands.  “No sign of him.  I flew as high as I could go.  I’m going to search up to Heaven’s gates.  Ramial is double-checking the areas I’ve already covered.”

“All right,” said Raphael.

Aziraphale wrung his hands.  Raphael wanted to reassure him that he was sure Crowley was all right, but he was a bad liar.

“There’s still no update from Noah?” said Aziraphale.

“Noah sent an update that Hell has—”

“Did he mention Crowley?”

“Yes, apparently Mammon is coordinating searches through Hell for him.”

“He’s not going to be in Hell,” snapped Aziraphale.  “Why would he be in Hell?”

“I don’t know!” Raphael said, throwing his arms up.  “I don’t know where he is, Aziraphale!  What do you want me to say?”

A hand appeared on Aziraphale’s arm, and Victoria leaned in to speak to him in a low voice.  “Calm down, Aziraphale.  We are doing everything we can.  Raphael is doing his best.”

Aziraphale made a visible attempt to relax, but it didn’t quite work.

“I’ll start organising search parties on Earth,” said Victoria.  “If he’s here somewhere, we’ll find him.”

“Aziraphale, you need to consider the possibility that Crowley died,” said Raphael.

“He can’t be dead!” Aziraphale said tightly.

“Aziraphale,” said Raphael, with a firm hand on the lesser angel’s shoulder. “If Crowley is dead, there’s an easy fix.  We can have Noah bring him back to life.  He’s done it before.”

Aziraphale wrenched his arm out of Raphael’s grasp, refusing to be comforted. “I know that,” Aziraphale muttered.  He wrapped his arms around himself.  “Crowley can’t be dead because Azrael said he didn’t reap Crowley.  Crowley didn’t die.  So he still has to be here somewhere.”

Victoria and Raphael looked at each other hesitantly.

“Maybe we should talk to Azrael to clarify…” Victoria suggested haltingly.

Aziraphale, face stormy, exited the room with wings spread, intending to resume the search.

******************************

The days wore on and still there was no sign of Crowley.  Aziraphale developed dark bags under his eyes, never stopping the search to sleep or eat.  He scoured every inch of Heaven and, finding nothing, repeated the procedure in Hell despite Mammon’s reassurances that search parties had already covered the ground under his inspection.

When they left the infirmary, Maltha, Mykas, and Noah set out helping with the search.  But even with their resources combined, there was no sign of Crowley in Heaven or Hell.

Contrary to conception among humans, Earth is actually vastly larger than even Heaven and Hell combined in terms of sheer surface area.  Aziraphale knew the odds of him finding any clues there were slim, yet there seemed little alternative.

Aziraphale started in London and worked his way out in a spiral fashion. A lot of times he ended up circling aimlessly in the sky, wings keeping him aloft on air currents, trying to absolve himself of all thought, trying desperately not to think of what he would do if he couldn’t find anything, of how long the search would last.

Crowley wasn’t dead.  Crowley was still alive.  Somewhere.

All he could think about was when Crowley had moved Heaven and Earth to find him when he was in the clutches of Satan.  All he could think about was how badly he had wanted to see Crowley, how scared he had been to be separated from their friends, and about how Crowley must be feeling the exact same way right now.  And Aziraphale could do nothing about it; he was helpless, useless as the ring on his finger that refused to activate even under the constant rubbing and activation of the Lover’s Charm.

It was in the middle of one particularly intense session of aimless drifting one day that a piece of mail materialised from a cloud above him and smacked him in the face.  It had Noah’s seal on it.

He peeled the letter off himself and opened it.  

Aziraphale,

I’m back on my feet down in Hell. I’ve diverted the search parties that were set after Satan to search for Crowley instead.  I’ve heard word that Mykas and Maltha have also left the infirmary and are joining the search.

I hope you’re doing well.  You weren’t answering mail at the shop, so I figured you had lost track of time looking for Crowley out there.  Be sure to come home every once in a while OK?  If only so we can contact you more easily.  I had to have Lyra do a scrying spell just to send this letter.

I’ve tried to use my powers to summon Crowley’s location, but couldn’t find anything.  I’ve never had an attempt to seek information through my Antichrist powers fail in such a way.  I am having Lyra prepare a scrying spell, but I doubt it will work.  It is much less powerful magic.

Our thoughts are with you and Crowley.  Please keep us updated.

-Noah King of Hell, Son of Satan, Lord of Darkness etc.

Aziraphale mustered up his willpower to teleport and materialised directly into his office in his bookshop.  He grabbed his parchment and pen set with shaking hands and wrote a response to Noah, throwing it down.  He received the reply a few minutes later:

I’ve already tried bringing Crowley back to life the way I did when Michael killed him.  It didn’t work.  I’m sorry, Aziraphale.  He’s not dead.  He’s just…gone.

*******************************

Azrael’s phrasing of the way he reaps—I guide them to whatever awaits them—seemed to imply to Aziraphale that you did not stop existing when you died.  That you continued to exist, in some way, in some form, in some place, in a way nobody else knew about.  The same way human souls continued to exist and were physically located in Heaven and Hell after death, where live humans couldn’t access them, except a dead demon or angel—or God, perhaps—didn’t go there.  Discorporation—the death of the body—sent you either to Heaven or Hell.  But the death of the soul?  It sent you…where?

Noah had been able to bring Crowley back to life.  He had brought him from wherever he had been.  He hadn’t constructed a new Crowley, or turned back the clock, or something.  He had moved him back into the realm of the living.

God hadn’t killed Crowley.  He had put him, physically, somewhere else, somewhere other than where celestial and infernal beings traditionally went when they died, wherever that was.

Noah didn’t seem to know where it was.  He couldn’t vocalise how his antichrist powers worked, and he couldn’t reach Crowley, wherever he was.

And Death didn’t know where this could be either, upon pressing.  It took Aziraphale a full day to corner Azrael, who reported Victoria had given him the same interrogation and he was getting quite tired of it.  Whatever had happened to Crowley was squarely outside his jurisdiction, and he wasn’t interested in investigating it, so would Aziraphale please leave so he could get back to his job?

He didn’t ask Death to confirm God’s state of existence.  He was afraid of the answer he would get, either way, and Death didn’t seem particularly keen on asking questions.  He was still grouchy about one of the angels under him misbehaving, and he couldn’t get any of them to fess up.

Aziraphale searched Earth without stopping.  He received word that Metatron had finally regained consciousness, but Aziraphale couldn’t bring himself to care unless they offered up any useful contribution.  He received a letter from Angelo that Mykas kept sniffing Crowley’s trail down, only to end up at the bookshop each time.  Aziraphale crumpled up that letter and left fall miles below to the ground.

He perched on top of a mountain and watched the sun rise with his knees drawn up to his chest, feeling more alone than he ever had despite the concerned letters piling up in his un-checked mailbox back home.  The ring on his hand felt heavier than ever, and he found himself clutching it without realising.

He rubbed it to activate the charm at least once an hour.  But the ring stayed unlit, dead to the world.  Whatever was separating them, it was greater than distance.

*******************************

It might have continued on this way forever, had not a certain foundation angel been caught doing something very strange in Heaven’s Judgement Hall.

It is true that foundation angels, in general, care for little else than their jobs.  Nothing makes them happier than seeing the natural order of physics run like a well-oiled machine.

But, like the rest of the angels in existence, they too could develop kinks, quirks, personalities, likes and dislikes.

Wants.  Needs.  Embarrassments.

And Noah had just learned about one in particular, which turned out to be very germane indeed.

“There he is,” said Noah, waving for Lyra to back up.

The court magician, sitting among a nest of spell ingredients on the throne room floor, rolled the scrying ball according to his directions.

The image in the ball panned back to Aziraphale, sitting morosely at a restaurant with a stack of sushi in front of him.  Noah chucked the parchment he was holding into the portal Lyra had constructed for this exact purpose.

In the scrying ball, the letter materialised directly on top of Aziraphale’s head.  He seemed not to notice it for a moment before slowly reaching up to pat his head, then retrieved it and unfurled it.

“We wouldn’t have to do this if you would check your damn mail like I asked you to,” said Noah.

Aziraphale’s face snapped into an expression of intense interest, and Noah guessed which part of the letter he must have been reading.

“He should be down soon,” said Noah.  “Thank you, Lyra, you’re dismissed.”

The King of Hell turned away from Lyra as she packed up her things, back towards the two angels sitting at the ornate meeting table.  One of them looked very shame-faced indeed.

“Time,” said Noah.  “I hope you have a good defense ready, because you’re really going to get it.”

Time slunk lower in his seat.

“Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Victoria.”

Standing behind the table with her arms crossed, looking stormy, Victoria nodded.

“And Space,” said Noah.  “You’re not in trouble, but I really do wish you would have told us about this sooner. We’ve been wasting time looking on our own.  You and Time both work together to—”

TIME AND I ARE INEXTRICABLY LINKED, said the second foundation angel, a long being with hollow eyes and fingers like the branches of willow trees.  WHAT ONE DOES CONCERNS THE OTHER GREATLY.  TOGETHER WE HOLD ALL FOUR DIMENSIONS OF THE UNIVERSE UP, UPON WHICH THE OTHER FOUNDATION ANGELS MAY—

Noah cut her off with a wave.  Space tended to do this, he had noticed.  She sort of…spaced out of the conversation and rambled.  It was understandable, considering Space had no real conception of where she was at given moment, or to whom she was talking.

NOT THAT ONE, said Space to someone not present.  THE RED ONE.  ARE YOU A FOOL?

WHAT WAS THAT? said Time.

“She wasn’t talking to you,” said Noah desperately, “she was with someone else on—”

I WAS JUST SAYING THAT THE RED ONE WAS BETTER, said Space.  SURELY IT’S NOT THAT DIFFICULT.

WHAT ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT NOW?  CAN’T YOU KEEP ANYTHING STRAIGHT?

Noah cringed and waved his hands to try and separate them.

OH DO BE QUIET.  YOU’RE THE ONE WHO CAUSED ALL THIS TROUBLE.

WE BOTH KNOW THIS MEETING WILL TAKE FAR TOO LONG.

OH DO WE?

“Be quiet!” Victoria yelled.

They both craned their necks to look at her looming over them fearfully.

“My esteemed guests,” said Noah, clapping his hands, waving Victoria to step away from them.  “Please, I think we’ve all said there is to say before Aziraphale gets here.”

ISN’T HE ALREADY HERE?  said Space.

HE’S NOT ARRIVING UNTIL 14:52.06, said Time.  THOUGH, OF COURSE, FROM MY PERSPECTIVE, HE HAS ALREADY ARRIVED AND LEFT.

The doors of the throne room swung open, and Mammon nosed them to the side so Aziraphale could pass through.  He made a beeline for Noah, waving the letter.  “I got your—”

“Aziraphale, you’ve already met Time,” said Noah, gesturing to the table. “It turns out he’s responsible for the whole debacle of deaths being reversed.”

Aziraphale stopped, infuriated gaze locking onto the foundation angel. “And why would he do that, pray tell?”

Time stared off at the empty table, expression unreadable.

“So, you know that Time was close with Lucifer,” said Noah.  “And that when Time found out about Satan’s death, he—”

“I remember,” Aziraphale interrupted.

I MISSED HIM, said Time feebly.

“Time thought he could perform a resurrection by using his power to set back one very specific flow of time—namely, supernatural beings who had died recently.”

PLEASE DON’T TELL DEATH, said Time.  HE’LL…WELL, KILL ME.

“So you just brought back everyone between now and Satan without a thought to the consequences?” Aziraphale exploded.  

I’M SORRY.  I DIDN’T MEAN FOR ALL THIS TO HAPPEN.

“Well, it did happen,” said Aziraphale.  “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Time slunk down in his seat even further.

Aziraphale walked over and kicked the legs of the table with a string of curses.  Space looked up to the roof sharply as though something had caught her attention there.

WHAT IS IT? said Time.

IT’S RAINING, said Space.

“The damage has been done,” said Noah.  “And I don’t think it’s a good idea for Time to try and turn it back, because tampering with the flow of time—”

IS SOMETHING THAT SHOULD NOT EVER BE DONE, Space said.  I CAN FEEL THE THREADS OF THE FOUR DIMENSIONS FRAYING UNDER THE WEIGHT OF THIS POOR DECISION.

Noah grimaced.

IT SHOULD BE FINE UNLESS WE STRAIN IT FURTHER, said Space.  WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY NOT JUSTIFIED UNDER ANY BUT THE MOST EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES.  ESPECIALLY NOT BECAUSE YOU…MISS SOMEONE.

The hands on the clocks that served for Time’s eyes whirred around with the sound of grinding gears.

I WAS JUST IN THE PROCESS OF REPAIRING ALL THE DAMAGE TO THE FABRIC OF SPACE-TIME THIS HAS DONE WHEN I WAS INTERRUPTED AND BROUGHT DOWN HERE.  This was said with considerable irritation towards Victoria.

Aziraphale ignored this.  “Okay, so then where’s Crowley?  You said in the letter you have an idea of where he is.”

“Right,” said Noah, taking a seat at the table and tenting his fingers. “This is going to be a little difficult to explain…  Space said she felt a disturbance right around the time God did…whatever that was to Crowley.”

I FELT SOMETHING EXITING OUR DIMENSION, said Space.

“That must have been Crowley!” said Aziraphale.  “Where did he end up then?  Is he…floating in outer space?”

Space crossed her arms.  NO.

“Oh.”

“There’s….Space explained it like this, Aziraphale.  Just outside the confines of our world…of the boundaries she controls, there’s a solid wall none of us can get through.  She felt Crowley cross that wall."

NONE OF US CAN, said Space.  BUT SOMEONE WITH POWER ON THE SCALE THAT GOD HAD COULD MANAGE IT.

Aziraphale’s face began to fall.  “Surely there must be some way to get him out.”

“That’s the problem, Aziraphale,” said Noah.  “He’s over it, somewhere, but we don’t know where. On the other side of this wall, there’s—”

ANOTHER WORLD, Space said.

Aziraphale stood stock still, struggling to process what he was being told. “What?”

I DO NOT KNOW MUCH OF THE MULTIVERSE, said Space.  BUT WE ARE CONFINED IN OUR OWN LITTLE CORNER OF IT WITHOUT INTERVENTION FROM A HIGHER POWER, SUCH AS THE ONE THAT MADE THE WALLS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Aziraphale furrowed his brow.  “Like a parallel dimension?  A mirror universe?”

Space shook her head.  NO, NOT MIRROR.  THERE IS NO WAY TO KNOW HOW SIMILAR OR DIFFERENT THEY ARE.  BUT THERE ARE MANY POCKETS OF SPACE LIKE OURS, ARRANGED SIDE-BY-SIDE, SEPARATED BY WALLS.

“Space says that she believes the factions of the multiverse are arranged so that more similar ones are clustered together.  So they would get more bizarre and different the further out from ours you went, but the ones next door are probably similar to ours.  So, likely that Crowley could survive whichever one he was dropped into.”

THIS IS ALL CONJECTURE, OF COURSE, said Space.  NOT EVEN I KNOW FOR CERTAIN.

Aziraphale clenched his fists.  “So he’s probably alive.”

“Hopefully,” said Noah.

“I still don’t really understand this,” said Victoria.  “It makes no sense that God would build a dimension next door and never go there.  …right?”

Space tapped the side of her head.  YOU ARE ASSUMING BOTH THAT HE MADE IT, AND THAT HE NEVER WENT THERE.  THE RED ONE!

“The red one what?” said Victoria.

BRING YOUR UMBRELLA.  THINK OF IT LIKE THIS…OUR UNIVERSE WAS A HOUSE BUILT BY GOD, AND WE ARE ANTS LIVING ON THE FLOOR.  WE CAN POPULATE THE FLOOR, AND WE CAN CLIMB THE WALLS, BUT BY NO MEANS CAN WE MOVE ABOUT AS FREELY AS HIM, AND WE CAN’T PROPERLY UNDERSTAND NOR TRAVEL TO CERTAIN PARTS OF THE HOUSE.  WE ARE SIMPLY ON TOO SMALL OF A SCALE.  VANILLA PLEASE.

Aziraphale massaged his temples.  “So is Crowley alive or not?”

VANILLA? said Space.  THE MACHINE IS BROKEN.  CONTINUING THIS ANALOGY, GOD PLUCKED CROWLEY OFF THE FLOOR AND TOSSED HIM OUT THE WINDOW, WHERE HE LANDED IN THE NEIGHBOURS’ HOUSE.  WHO KNOWS WHAT IT IS LIKE OVER THERE?  THE FURNITURE IS LIKELY ARRANGED DIFFERENTLY.

“We have to go get him,” said Aziraphale.  “If there’s even a chance he could still be alive, we have to try.”

Space reared up, steaming.  WERE YOU NOT LISTENING?  THE FABRIC OF REALITY HAS BEEN TORN BY TIME’S FOOLISH ACTIONS, AND WE CANNOT STRAIN IT FURTHER, ESPECIALLY FOR SOMETHING AS PETTY AS MISSING SOMEONE.

“Surely the situation isn’t so dire that one small exception can’t be made.”

Time’s unsettling clock eyes ticked on Aziraphale.  SO WHAT YOU’RE SAYING IS, THE THOUGHT OF NEVER SEEING HIM AGAIN MAKES YOU FEEL SO HORRIBLE YOU WOULD REND THE FABRIC OF SPACE-TIME TO FIX IT, HEEDLESS OF THE CONSEQUENCES?  IS THAT NOT WHAT YOU JUST BERATED ME FOR?

Aziraphale turned bright red.  “This is different!”

HOW?

Aziraphale spluttered and looked to Noah for help.  Noah grimaced.

THE RED ONE, Space erupted.  YOU FOOL. YOU IDIOT.

“I don’t see why Crowley and I should be punished for Time’s mistake,” said Aziraphale.  “This is unfair.”

BRING YOUR UMBRELLA, said Space.  I’M SORRY, AZIRAPHALE, BUT DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF WE ALLOW SPACE-TIME TO UNRAVEL?  THE TRAIN IS LATE, IDIOT.

“Erm, well…”

THE PHYSICAL LAWS GOVERNING THE UNIVERSE WILL BEGIN TO BEND.  WE WILL SEE WORSE THAN A FEW DEMONS COMING BACK TO LIFE.  THE FOUNDATION ANGELS CANNOT WORK IF THE TOOLS THEY NEED ARE RENDERED NONFUNCTIONAL. BRING THE UMBRELLA.

“Aziraphale, come here for a moment,” said Noah, gesturing to the corner of the room.

Aziraphale walked over and Noah bent over him, huddling their heads together so they could talk in private.  “Aziraphale, you might not like this situation, but I have a possible solution. It’s…not ideal, but it would avoid having to strain the foundations any further, and it could be a backup if we can’t find Crowley, or...or the worst has happened.”

“What’s that?”

“I can’t resurrect Crowley, but I could make a copy of him.”

Aziraphale stared at Noah.

“He wouldn’t be exactly the same, of course, but it’s not outside the bounds of what my powers can do.  He would be however close to the original as I could get him—”

Aziraphale hid his face in his hands.

“—And he needn’t even remember what happened.  He would never know.”

Aziraphale considered it for just a moment.  He wasn’t proud of that, but he was that desperate.  But when he slowly moved his hands away from his face, his eyes caught the ring Crowley had so lovingly placed on his finger.  The etched sigil still lay darkened under his fingertips.

He had gotten it right after Crowley had just braved Hell and high waters and Satan himself to retrieve Aziraphale when Aziraphale needed help the most.  And all Aziraphale could remember is how scared he had been when he had been taken, and how much he had wished to see Crowley.

And when he had been lying there in Satan’s hands, unsure of what would happen to him, all he could think about was how much he wanted to see Crowley, and how relieved he would be when Crowley found him…

“No,” said Aziraphale.  “Absolutely not.  If Crowley is still out there, we have to help him.  To do anything else would be the height of selfishness.”

Noah took a deep breath.  “Okay.”

He patted Aziraphale on the back and turned back, spreading his arms towards Space and Time.  “We need you to help us.  There must be some way to get into this other world without doing any more harm.”

YOU COULD GO THROUGH THE HOLE GOD MADE, said Time.

Space spun around slapped Time.  THEY WOULD NOT HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THAT IF YOU HADN’T TOLD THEM.

Time rubbed his face.

“What’s this?” said Aziraphale.

GOD TORE A SMALL HOLE IN THE FABRIC OF REALITY TO THROW CROWLEY OUT OF, said Time.

THAT’S WHAT I WAS FIXING IN THE JUDGEMENT HALL, said Space.  BEFORE VICTORIA DRAGGED ME AWAY FROM IT.  

“I really wish you would have told us about this sooner, Space,” said Noah.  “Come on. I think you’re the only one who can see it.  We wouldn’t have found it if Victoria hadn’t seen you repairing it.”

I’VE BEEN FIXING TIME’S MISTAKES, said Space, sounding outraged. AND YOU BERATE ME FOR NOT BRINGING A SPATIAL REND TO YOUR ATTENTION?  HOW MUCH DO YOU PLAN TO ASK OF ME?  I DO NOT DO FAVOURS FOR ANYONE!

“Is the spatial rend still big enough for someone to get through?” said Noah.

Space crossed her arms sourly.  YES, BUT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL I ALLOW ANYONE TO TRAVEL THROUGH IT.  IT MUST BE CLOSED IMMEDIATELY TO AVERT FURTHER DISASTER.

“How fast can it be repaired?”

AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.

“Space, how long is it going to take?”

Space didn’t answer.

“Space…how long?”

THREE DAYS MORE AT THE EARLIEST, said Space.  BUT SENDING SOMEONE THROUGH IT WILL STRAIN IT.

“How much?”

ANY FURTHER AMOUNT IS INTOLERABLE.

“Come on, Space…you have to meet us halfway.  Surely there must be some wiggle room here?”

Space sat silently for a moment.

“How many people can we get through it, and for how long, before it has to be closed?”

THE RED ONE! Space shrieked.  FOR FUCK’S SAKE.  TEN.

“Ten?” said Aziraphale.

THE STRAIN ON THE FABRIC OF REALITY WOULD BE NEGLIGIBLE IF TEN PEOPLE PASSED THROUGH IT.  OR, IF YOU PREFER, FIVE PEOPLE EXITING AND THEN RE-ENTERING.

Noah slapped the table.  “Great.  So it looks like we’ve got an expedition to plan.”

“Five,” said Aziraphale.  “Is that really all?”

Space glowered.  MAYBE SIX AT A STRETCH.  THIRTEEN, IF YOU LEAVE AS A GROUP OF SIX AND RETURN WITH SEVEN.  THAT IS PERMISSIBLE.  GRAB THE UMBRELLA.  

 “Thank you,” said Aziraphale.  “Thank you, thank you.”

“We’ll get him back,” said Victoria.  “The multiverse, or whatever it is, be damned.”

BUT I MUST EMPHASIZE NO MORE THAN THAT, said Space.  ANY MORE WILL CAUSE MORE THAN MINIMAL DAMAGE.  AND WAITING ANY LONGER WILL CAUSE MORE THAN MINIMAL DAMAGE.  AND IF YOU’RE NOT BACK IN TIME, I’M CLOSING THE RIFT ANYWAY.

Victoria and Aziraphale looked at each other.  Aziraphale fidgeted with his ring.  “Guess we’d better hurry, then.”

#good omens #my writing #my good omens fanfic

[j4nn4s]

rules:

always repost the rules

answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!

give 11 questions

tag 11 people

i was tagged by @isakvdhflorenzi, ty miss lorena <3 1. Is the social media presence of the characters important to how you view the quality of the remake/show?

hm well skam nl is my favorite and their social media game is trash LMAOOO so generally No but i do feel like remakes who DO have such a good presence kind of elevate the show and i think it’s pretty heartwarmin to see some remakes go sm farther than skam with social media and puttin out educational and IN CHARA resources like skames does this so well and i feel like in that way, the team is really really spreadin skam’s spirit via these resources (like joana’s billion bpd awareness ig accounts and lucas rubio’s yt channel)

2. Least favourite clip of the show? Why?

tbh there are definitely some duds but probably one of the clips with sana gettin herself into a hole in s4 just bc some were hard to watch cus cringey or yikes .... idk i cant think of others LMAO

3. Which character did you feel the most connected to and why?

ijeoiqjiwoij even tho even is my all time fave skam chara, i have to say isak for all of these reasons 

4. Your least favourite part of every season?

season 1 - tbh even though i really enjoyed this season, it does take a while for it to build up like i rmr at first not being that interested until ep6 maybe ?? which is hard when you’re trying to get your friends to watch but they have to wait until ep6 before shit starts RLLY buildin up and gettin wild

season 2 - hm ig noora chasin after william ??

season 3 - bro NOTHINGGG call me a purist but its such a refined masterpiece like the pacing is good the characterization is so good ugh i deadass cant think of anythin

season 4 - i always felt a little ??? w noora being sana’s bff ig bc from s1-s3 it didn’t Feel like they were that close like even in noora’s pov, sana wasn’t really a part of it that much ?? like eva was more of noora’s bff ?? so i feel like it would have made more sense if maybe sana spoke more with chris or vilde bc sana and vilde eventually seemed to get closer esp with kosegruppa and chris has always been by sana’s side ?? idk that always confused me

5. What is your opinion on the cast’s participation on social media? Do you prefer it when the cast aren’t that involved like the Skam cast, or do you like a lot of content like the Fr cast do?

tbh i don’t care much abt the casts LMAOOO if anythin it kind of brings more harm as seen with the harassment axel and maxence get and also can bring more controversy like with irene (which honestly is p sad considerin how much i love skames bc now i feel super :/ watchin it like she shouldve just had private accts at this point)

6. Favourite song you found from Skam or the remakes?

OMFGGG love this question .... def doorman by slowthai and mura masa bc its one of my fave songs now and i got it from skam nl <3 ugh taste

7. If you could decide which characters from Skam got a season, who would you choose?

OOOHHH ugh torn bc i like isak’s pov but also i want even’s so might have to forfeit isak season for even season ....... hm so probs vilde, sana, even, noora (maybe not w william tho) and honestly maybe jonas too ??

8. Are there any moments that you liked in the show that everyone else seems to hate?

IJXDWQOIJJ yes .... remakes-wise, people hate skam nl s2’s last half but i enjoyed it for the most part ... i think the pacing was off for the last ep but personally, clip 50 made up for it and is p god tier imo ..... and also don’t think the first half of ep10 is enough to discredit the entire season bc i rlly loved seeing liv’s pov and have sm fave moments from the season 

but skam wise, omg might get a lil controversial w this one IM SORRY !!! im bein honest and its Just my opinion ok 

personally s2 got me more invested than s1 and i don’t think its a super bad season like i didnt really say many problems wrong with it until i got on tumblr wiejioqjoiqjq i was sort of interested in the questions that the noora/william dynamic brought up which is, as expressed in william’s war speech to noora, that nothing is ever black/white which i feel was a huge message and feeds into the ‘you never know what ppl are going through’ theme of the season ... like i like the idea of someone like noora, who can have a black/white mentality (as seen in the first clip of s2 when she tells vilde that they can’t have the tannin company as their sponsor bc they objectify women or smth but misses the context and what it could mean for the bus monetarily bc shes caught up in bein ‘woke’) having to break out of that and see more than one side ... and i think remakes like skam austin expanded on this idea well like when zoya was like ‘must be so nice being right all the time’ which i Do feel like is an important for youth to know today .... bc i think its so easy to get caught up in the idea of being so objectively right and morally superior that people lose sight of the more nuanced characteristics to life ... (omg long ramble BUT)

also LMAOOOOO this one might be more controversial as it pertains to bench scene s4 ok oops again doNT GOTTA AGREE !! ........ but i feel like the scene had a lot of good intentions ... i was def kind of cringing a bit tho bc i understand the subject’s sensitivity and how these topics are hard to talk about but i genuinely feel like they both made Some points and should listen to each other .... like as Hard and as maybe ‘unwoke’ it is to admit, unfortunately you sort of do have to answer the tough questions bc that way we learn from each other .... and i perfectly understand why some ppl wouldn’t want to do this and i certainly am tired abt havin to answer shit abt my sexuality or stupid male questions abt women but if u dont answer them, people do go lookin for answers still and the internet is such a shitty place that its pretty easy (esp with youtube’s algorithm) to lead you to ignorant ppl and perhaps radicalization .... questions help us to better understand our community and sometimes they can have good intentions too but we have to ask and answer them or else people will make up answers (which ive literally seen and its honestly worse to see fake as shit and UNINFORMED answers bc ppl did not want to ask you or ppl of ur identity, esp when they’re already startin from a place of hate .... but i rather have ppl ask me patronizing questions than have them spread false info bc that can do much more harm in the long run) however i DO think that isak should also consider sana’s side and i sort of wish we saw him conceding more bc they both have smth to learn from one another, like sana shouldn’t just be learnin from isak, isak needs to learn from sana too

PHEW SORRY QWIOJQWIO girl i just got opinions on some things this is when my desc rlly comes in handy .... oqjdwqioj

9. What did you learn from the show?

omg honestly too much to write here tbh ..... but if it says anythin im (very slowly) in the works of a three part skam essay about basically how skam teaches us to be better humans and how to better treat the people we care about diowjqioj essentially the three biggest themes of the show: you never know what someone is going through so always be kind, always communicate with your friends, and no person is ever alone and i feel like these are definitely rlly good messages to live by (also livet er nå BITCH !!!)

10. What is your favourite headcanon about your favourite characters?

omg tbh i could not tell u at all how the skam charas are doing except i hope even is okay thats all im thinkin of ok .... OIWXIOJX omg remakes wise tho ..... honestly im so bad at this girl IDK !!!!! LMAO i have to really think i have a bit of vdh and dutch even but thats bc we know like Zero abt them so its easier oijwiojqio idk liv and noah bein cute as shit ..... OH WAIT personally i feel like janna got a bunch of pansexual energy so my BIGGG hc is that she’s pan also bc she’s one of my all time fave charas and my fkn url so itd be dope if she was pan ok boom

11. What is your opinion on fanfiction in the fandom?

tbh i don’t read skam fanfiction but i don’t mind reading some from the remakes (tho still its rare) ... eiojeioqw i just don’t trust anyone but julie to write skam charas bc i think that’s how precious the show is to me LMAO like idk everything ive seen of skam fanfiction and ficlets and one shots, i could never get into bc the tone is just so out of character or there will be lines that just take me out of the fic bc im like this !!!! is not !!! how the chara acts !!!! so yeah idk not rlly a fan bc of my purist ass but i dont mind others reading it

Questions:

1. Favorite quote of the show?

2. Which country would you like to see have the next remake? Do you have any headcanons?

3. Which season would you rewrite and how would you rewrite it?

4. What clips do you personally like or don’t mind, but others hate?

5. Which songs do you think SKAM or the remakes should have included? For which moments?

6. Who would you give SKAM season five to and what topics and themes would it cover?

7. What moment spoke to you or touched you from SKAM the most?

8. How did you find SKAM? How did you feel about it right after watching?

9. Have you shared SKAM with any friends in real life? What did they think of it?

10. Of the remakes, which characters are your favorite of their SKAM counterparts? (Ex. who is the best Vilde remake? Eva? etc.)

11. How do you feel about the SKAM (and remakes) tumblr fandom?

I tag: @smileykeijser @whatadaze @queenofpurgatoryx @itlukey @skamyeets @shaykeijser @megeliz01 @isakcijser @wackpainterkid @axelauriantblot @kar-d-momme

(omg ik some of yall have been tagged so just ignore if u dont want to do it ok im srry it was in the RULES!)

#long post #skam opinions #tag meme

[ghoulangerlee]

Lying next to you, in this bed with you, I ain't convinced ; malex ; r: e

hello roswell new mexico fandom, im lee and hopefully this passes muster.

im gonna be honest here, i started writing this before i sat down and watched the entire series (cause at first i just watched alex/michael scenes lmao).

this takes place the morning after, as a ‘what if isobel didn’t come to michael’s place so early’ or what i titled the doc ‘what if isobel didn’t come to advance the plot’ there is an ao3 version but im not linking it here bc i want this to show up in the tags hh

its been a few months since i last wrote porn, esp for a new fandom so. also, im hoping that the more i write them the better i get w/their voices. hopefully y'all enjoy!!! <3 

======

He wakes slowly, silently cataloging the ache in his thighs as something damn pleasant after a good night, though the twin ache in his knee and hand are not, he chooses to ignore those in favor of the gentle pressure of fingertips against his skin, dragging a slow path upwards until he stirs more, eyes fluttering open and—

“You’re still here,” he whispers, reverent, surprised and all around delighted, when Alex smiles at him, a soft thing that reminds him all too well of their days together as teenagers.

Alex’s fingers find his lips, tracing the shape of his lower one oh so carefully, and Michael’s eyes slip half-lidded, “Well,” he says, tone playful though his voice is low, mindful of the calm that’s settled over them, “It was kind of too late to leave last night,” he mumbles, moving closer, “And despite the mattress leaving a lot to desire, the choice in bed partner, on the other hand…” he trails off meaningfully and Michael’s heart swells as he tilts his head up to accept the kiss Alex presses to his mouth.

When they pull apart, Michael feels lighter, calm, head sinking into the pillows as Alex presses a series of soft kisses to his jaw and his fingertips are back again, drawing a slow line down his chest, “Do you have anywhere you need to be?” he asks on a sigh as Alex’s warmth shifts against him, on him, blanketing him in.

Alex kisses him again, longer and slower, an all-encompassing thing that leaves Michael light headed and breathless, fingers digging into Alex’s hips where he’d settled his hands, “Not for another few hours,” he mumbles against Michael’s lower lip, “You?”

He makes a noise in his throat, shakes his head once as a swell of emotion bubbles up in his chest, threatening to explode when Alex shifts up, pressing a kiss to his forehead, temple, fingers brushing the hair out of his face, “Michael,” Alex whispers suddenly, “Michael, open your eyes.”

A noise leaves him, and he grips Alex tighter, but his eyes open, a slow flutter, like he’s afraid, like if he blinks too fast, Alex will disappear.

Alex is still smiling, a soft and fond thing, “There you are,” he says, cupping his cheek, thumb gentle against his skin, “Just wanted to make sure you were still with me.”

“Feels like I might be dreaming,” Michael mumbles before he can stop himself, “Feels like just yesterday you were sayin’ that this couldn’t happen again.”

A frown settles across Alex’s mouth, his thumb stopping its slow motions across the curve of his cheek and Michael’s afraid that he’s said something wrong, tightens his fingers on Alex’s hips as if to keep him there when he inevitably pulls away—

“I did,” Alex concedes, moving closer, leans in to press a kiss to Michael’s forehead, “I said a lot of things I didn’t mean, when I saw you again I—I didn’t know how to react, how to, how to feel,” he breaks off, settling his weight more firmly on Michael’s chest, “We’re not the same kids we used to be, Guerin,” he adds, fingers finding Michael’s curls. “You and I, we’ve been hurt, by a lot of people—by each other.”

Michael doesn’t say anything, his words stuck and heavy in his throat as he holds Alex tighter.

“I will…probably spend the rest of my days regretting that I left you,” Alex says, low and mournful, his voice cracking towards the end. “That I walked away after what my dad did to you, that I let him, that I let him get to me. Blackmail me into joining up and leaving you here without even telling you how much I care about you.”

Michael exhales, shaky and unsure as he moves one of his hands up to grip Alex’s hair, dragging him in for another kiss, feeling the way Alex just sinks into it, the swell in his chest growing with each drag of their lips together.

When they break apart, Alex’s cheeks are flushed, head bowed down against Michael’s, “Guerin,” he breathes out, palm spread out over his chest, right above his heart, “Michael,” he mumbles, “I want to, I want this, I want you, but we need to talk about this. There’s so much—just so much that needs to be said before we do anything, but god,” he lifts his head, eyes opening slowly so he can stare down at Michael. “God, I want you so much.”

A noise, something close to a whine leaves Michael’s throat as he tightens his fingers in Alex’s hair, pulling in a way that has Alex gasping, leaning back into it and if he thinks, if he thinks hard enough he can remember what Alex looked like on his knees, urging him to pull his hair in the quiet of their toolshed.

Something falls to the ground and Michael makes another noise in his throat as he drags Alex close for a kiss just as Alex turns away, his lips falling to his cheek instead, “Guerin,” Alex mumbles, fond and teasing. “We need to talk, talk now kiss later.”

And there’s a part of Michael’s brain that knows that, but the bigger, more dominant part of his brain is scared of talking, of what has to be said, of what that could lead to, because words have never been his thing—math equations and formulas were; words were Max’s thing and Michael, well, Michael had a tendency to speak before thinking things through and despite his best intentions—

“Michael,” Alex mumbles, pressing his palm to his cheek, “Hey, come back to me, yeah? I know you’re over thinking things right now. That big, beautiful brain of yours is running through hundreds of possibilities—”

It’s ridiculous how well Alex knows him.

“—but I promise, that I’m not going to walk away from this, not this time. I want to try this with you. I want to be someone you’re proud to be with.”

Of all things, that’s what gets Michael’s attention, the self-deprecating twist to Alex’s words, a harsh breath leaving him as he opens his mouth, “Don’t, Alex.”

It takes him a minute, he’s loud and brash on his best days, words spilling always with a hard edge that can sometimes cut, but he reels that in, steels himself, fingers going gentle in Alex’s hair, cupping the back of his head instead, “Don’t talk about yourself like that, don’t—I’ve always been fucking proud of you. From the moment I kissed you for the first time, I’ve never been—I’m not scared to be with you Alex.”

“Michael—” Alex starts, but Michael shakes his head, cuts him off.

“No, listen to me Manes,” Michael starts, a hard edge to his voice softening into something sad and painful, “There has never been a moment that I don’t think about you. The last ten years have been fucking hard. Not knowing if you were alive or dead, if you’d even come back here,” he breaks off, draws in a sharp breath, takes a moment to collect himself. “We left things in a shitty way. You disappeared and that hurt, and then, all at once, you were back. You’re here and, and fuck if I know the right way to go about this, I don’t think I’ve—you were the only thing in the world that made sense to me back then and now, now you’re still the only fucking thing that makes sense to me.”

Alex doesn’t say anything this time, just threads his fingers into Michael’s hair and pulls him in for a kiss, slow and full of something, something like love, a low sound leaving Michael as he holds Alex—and around them, things start to float, a ripple rushing through him as he opens—figuratively and literally, to what Alex is offering. A second chance.

A second fucking chance.

When they break apart this time, everything falls with a clatter, but neither of them pays attention to it, and Michael drags his thumb over Alex’s cheek, “You are my quiet in this crazy, unknown world,” he whispers against Alex’s mouth. “Being around you, being with you. It keeps me grounded.”

Alex exhales, resting his forehead against Michael’s, “Michael,” he whispers, voice full of something, “Michael, I want to do this right. I want—if you’ll have me—I want the chance to love you. To give you everything you’ve missed these past ten years.”

(And later, later, Michael will make a joke about how this is the most Alex has called him by his first name in years, but right now he revels in it, soaks it all up because part of him is still worried that Alex will change his mind and—and—)

Alex kisses him again, goes with him when Michael rolls them over, pressing him down into the bed as the kisses turn into something deep and all encompassing, grounding in a way that negates every single bad thought firing off in Michael’s brain.

“I meant what I said,” Michael mumbles a bit later when they’ve pulled apart, “That day in the tool shed, when I told you I’d never done something like this, with someone I liked as much as I like you.” He licks his lips, carefully chooses his next words, “I never in a thousand years expected that I’d deserve something like this. That, all the pain and suffering in my life would lead me to meeting you. That all of that would give me some of the best memories in my life.” He rests his forehead against Alex’s, breathes in softly, “And sometimes, I look at Isobel and Noah and I—fuck—I want what they have.” He closes his eyes, exhales loudly, “I want that with you, Alex. However long that takes, however long we last. I want our eventually to be that.”

Alex laughs and its sort of wet sounding, almost a sob, “Guerin, it’s too soon to talk about marriage,” he teases, fingers in Michael’s hair. “God, it’s too soon but damn if I don’t want that too.”

Michael licks his lips, stares at Alex for a moment, “Then let’s not talk anymore.” he says, leaning down for another kiss, and Alex, wisely, doesn’t pull away this time, lets Michael kiss him until they’re both breathless, panting.

Alex’s eyes flutter open slowly, a smile across his lips as he drags his fingertips down Michael’s cheek, “I think we can pick up where we left off earlier,” he mumbles, leaning up to press a kiss to the hollow of Michael’s throat when he tilts his head back.

“Yeah?” Michael asks with a sigh, “You up for another round already?” the tease is light, and Alex can hear the grin in his voice.

A hum of agreement leaves his mouth as he hides his own grin against Michael’s throat, “I think so,” he says softly. “If you are, cowboy.”

“I’m always ready to throw down with you,” Michael croons, grinding his hips down against Alex, slow and dirty in a way that has Alex gasping, arching up against him. “Oh, Private, you’re getting hard.”

Alex makes a noise, something between a whine and a groan, tangling his fingers into Michael’s hair and pulling him down, “Don’t call me that, Guerin,” he mumbles against his mouth, biting Michael’s lower lip as he laughs, the sound turning into a gasp.

“Why you—” Michael says, but gets cut off when Alex kisses him again, stealing the words directly from his mouth. “—you keep distracting me,” he says when they part and its almost a whine, “If you want to do more than just rub against me like a teenager you’re going to have to chill out.”

Alex just arches under him, grabbing Michael’s hips so he can grind up into him, “I am very chill,” he says with a soft groan, “I’m the coolest right now.”

Michael laughs again, light and happy as he leans in to mouth at Alex’s throat, “Uh huh, babe,” he mumbles. “Sure you are.” He doesn’t move to stop Alex though, just lets him move, “You know I’ll take care of you, right? Anything you want, I’ll give it to you.”

“Yeah,” Alex whispers, eyes closed, cheeks flushed, “Yeah, I just—I want so much.” He admits softly, dragging his fingers up Michael’s back, biting his slightly swollen lower lip. “I want everything, but I feel like I’m too wound up to wait.”

He hums, slips his hand between their bodies and wraps his fingers around Alex’s dick, taking in the way Alex absolutely shudders at his touch, “Then let’s take the edge off,” he murmurs into his skin. “Just like this. And then, when you’re a little less impatient, I’m going to open you up again, just like you like it, baby. Gonna finger you til you’re beggin’ me to fuck you.”

Alex whines, hooks his leg around Michael’s hip and thrusts up into his hand, “Faster Guerin,” he breathes out, letting out a pleased sounding moan when Michael complies with no argument or teasing. “Oh fuck,” he says, fingers digging into hard muscle. “Just like that.”

Michael tries, tries to ignore the voice in his head telling him to mark to claim, but he can’t, can’t stop the sweet sweet pull of mineminemine as he sinks his teeth into the sensitive skin just under Alex’s ear—and Alex jerks in his hand, crying out as he comes between them, Michael’s name falling from his lips.

He goes to pull back, to give Alex some space but Alex makes a noise, drags him back closer, pulls him in for a kiss, sloppy and uncoordinated but Michael’s heart soars as he returns it, holding Alex’s head still, leading him, because this, this is what he’s been waiting for.

“Jesus,” Alex mumbles, breathless, when they pull apart. “Michael,” he whispers, voice full of something as he reaches down between them, feels the hard press of Michael’s dick against his thigh. “I want this in me,” he licks his lips, opening his eyes so he can stare up at Michael, “Want you all the time, in whatever way you’ll let me have you.”

Michael groans, half pained, half aroused, “You’re going to kill me, Alex,” he says, diving back down for another kiss, something messy but chaste, before he’s pulling away again, fumbling around under the covers for the lube, “Shit, where’d I leave it—” he trails off, making a triumphant noise when he finds it wedged between the bed and wall. “You sure you want this?”

Alex makes a frustrated noise, fighting back the urge to move closer when Michael pulls away, “Michael Guerin, I swear if you don’t get your fingers in me right now I’m going to do it myself.”

“Now now,” Michael says, popping the tube open, “Let’s not be hasty here, darlin’, consent is sexy and all that.” He’s teasing now, but Alex knows that, now that he’s come once, the edge is gone, and he can enjoy this. The easiness of sex with Michael coming back to him.

“Your fingers in me is sexier,” Alex grouses, “C’mon Michael, I know you wanna fuck me.”

Michael’s laughing again, warming the lube up between his fingers, “Uh huh, I know,” he says. “God, ten years didn’t teach you patience, did it?” he asks, leaning over to press a quick kiss to Alex’s mouth as he presses his fingers to Alex’s hole. “You’ve always been so bossy,” he mumbles, easing a finger into him. “Jesus, you’re so fuckin’ tight, Manes. We fucked last night and you’re still tight.”

Alex gasps softly, pressing his head back into the pillows, “Really good workout regimen,” he fires back, squirming down against Michael’s hand. “Ah fuck, and yes, I’ve always been bossy. You should know that I’m only this way because someone wants to tease me.”

“Oh,” Michael says, pulling his finger out, a teasing grin on his lips, “Wonder who that could be.” He ponders, drawing slow, slick circles around Alex’s hole with his fingers. “Do I know him?”

“Oh fuck you, Guerin,” Alex says with a groan.

Michael hums, “Well, if you’re offering, maybe you can sometime.”

Alex makes a strangled noise, rocking down against Michael’s fingers, “Michael, please,” he mumbles, nearly begging. “Wanna feel you again, need to feel you again.”

He prides himself with how well he knows Alex’s body, his reactions, and when he hears his voice crack on the need, he hushes Alex, moves close to him as he presses a finger inside, drawing him into a slow kiss.

Alex is shaking by the time Michael has three fingers in him, touch firm but gentle as he stretches him, the two of them trading kisses until Alex pulls away with a soft gasp, “Now,” he whispers. “Now Michael, please.”

He makes such a pretty picture, Michael thinks, all spread out under him, chest heaving, flushed from his cheeks down to his chest—and fuck if Michael’s not the luckiest guy right now, but he files that thought away for later, something to think about when they’re not in the middle of this—and instead he focuses on the low whine Alex makes when he pulls his fingers out, how he opens his mouth to protest but stops when he notices Michael grabbing the lube again to slick himself up.

Alex’s eyes are dark as he watches Michael settle properly between his legs, one hand around the base of his dick, the other spreading Alex open, thumb pressed against his rim, “Do it,” he breathes, begging Michael. “Fuck me, Guerin—Michael, I need you.”

The rushing in his ears quietens the second he pushes into Alex, a crescendo of silence blanketing the room—the fizzle of electricity and fuck, something about this moment, about being inside Alex Manes when their feelings are out in the open causes his powers to fizzle, bottles and miscellaneous objects rattling and levitating and Michael should be worried but he’s not because he’s been waiting for this fucking moment for ten years.

Alex is holding into him, arms wrapped haphazardly around his shoulders as he clings to him, murmuring his name over and over as Michael presses in deep, holds there for a moment just feeling.

“Move, move, move, move,” Alex is begging him and Michael hurries to comply, using his good hand to hitch Alex’s thigh up, holding him open as he starts moving, a slow and slick glide that has Alex arching and crying out, scrambling for purchase against Michael’s skin.

Time melts around them and Michael isn’t sure how long he’s just there, fucking Alex slow and careful, making love to him as Alex whispers his name like some sort of sacrilegious prayer—like he’s deserving of worship.

Alex reaches between them, fingers wrapping around his own dick while Michael continues to fuck him, deep and slow, just the way he likes it, until he’s gasping, Michael’s name falling brokenly from his lips as he comes again, shaking through it when Michael keeps fucking him (also how he likes it).

“You’re so beautiful,” Michael whispers, burying his face into Alex’s neck, breathing him in as his thrusts get rougher, sharper, Alex’s nails digging into his back, urging him closer and closer to the edge.

One of Alex’s hands finds his hair, tangles with his curls and pulls and Michael lets out a broken sound as if he’s a puppet whose strings have been cut—and suddenly, he’s coming with a quiet shout into Alex’s skin.

Neither of them speaks for a while and Michael doesn’t move until he hears the quiet clatter of various objects hitting their respective surfaces; and though Alex doesn’t say anything, he sees a contemplative look in his eye when he finally manages to look up.

“We’re going to talk about that,” Alex finally manages to say, and Michael’s almost relieved to hear that he doesn’t sound distressed, just relaxed, sleepy, and he tells himself not to get too worked up about it—

“Hello, I’ve got bagels!”

Michael groans quietly, dropping his head back into Alex’s neck, “Isobel,” he mumbles, almost whining and for a moment, Alex freezes, before he relaxes. “Why don’t you go see what she wants,” he offers gently, running his fingers through Michael’s hair.

He makes a sort of wounded noise, but goes to untangle himself from Alex anyway, “What about you?”

Alex licks his lips, glances out the small window by the bed and then back at Michael, “Bring me a bagel back?” he asks, hopeful.

“Really?” Michael asks, surprised. “You’ll be here?”

Alex pulls Michael down for another kiss, smiling against his mouth, “Even if I had full use of both my legs, I don’t think I’m gonna be able to move for a while.” He mumbles. “Now go see your sister and then come back to me, yeah?”

Michael makes a sound, something happy, a smile lighting up his face. “Of course,” he says, pressing several kisses to his face before he gets off the bed to pull his jeans on, Alex shamelessly watching him.

“Like what you see?”

Alex just hums, choosing not to answer, pulling the sheets up over him and settling back comfortably in the bed, waving as Michael leaves the trailer and he dozes to the sound of Isobel and Michael’s voices getting further away from the trailer—and well, he should probably be worried or at least curious, but for now, he’s content to lay back and just bask in the afterglow.

#malex #my writing #malex fanfic #malex fanfiction #i dont know what the proper tags are hhhh

[meanderfall]

thank you my love!! ^v^

(lmao i finally did it @solienna... it’s been like months but i finally completed this. also if you’re wondering, when i first tried to answer the original ask, it wouldn’t save any of what i’d written as a draft, so i just started a new post lol)

1. three songs that come up when you put your phone on shuffle

Flaws (acoustic) by Bastille

Wait For It from Hamilton

Here Comes the Rain Again by Eurythmics

3. three songs you were recently obsessed with

World in my Pocket by The Unlikely Candidates

The Darker the Weather, the Better the Man by MISSIO

Walk Me Home by P!NK

8. three songs that remind you most of summer and vacation

this is probably a weird choice but The Kids Aren’t Alright. I honestly don’t know why, it just gives me summer vibes.

Taste by Sleeping at Last (probably bc i listened to this A LOT while playing stardew valley and stardew gives me summer vibes)

Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy

(this section was so hard.... there are like 0 songs that i actually associate with summer and vacation. literally the only way i do is if i discover said song and listen to a lot around the time summer starts)

11. three favourite songs from movie or TV series soundtrack

What’s Up Danger By Blackway & Black Caviar

I’m Still Standing by Taron Egerton

The Cyborg Fights (Genos’ theme from One-Punch Man. It’s an instrumental piece, and it goes off).

12. three favourite songs from video games

i fucking hate you adri, so much, i never listen to video game soundtracks, you fool, i have nothing to offer you

Klavier’s theme from Ace Attorney! Called Guilty Love lmao

I played Night in the Woods recently, and I think my two favourite pieces were Astral Alley (it plays during a dream sequence and i literally fucked around doing nothing for a bit just to listen to this. It’s so peaceful, but there’s something also... wistful or sad about it, that i just love.) 

and Dusk Stars! (That one plays while stargazing with a professor as a sidequest and tbh it was one of my favourite parts of the game. Surprisingly wholesome, and the last bit really struck a cord with me.)

13. three songs you want at your funeral

Saturn by Sleeping at Last

I Lived by One Republic

Pieces by Harbor and Home (low-key this song is practically a narrative for my life and for once it’s just comforting)

14. three songs you want at your wedding

Bright by Echosmith

Lovesong by Adele

Meaning of Life by Kelly Clarkson

(i don’t.... listen to happy love songs.... i was just going through my library of romantic songs and i was like “this is too pop, this is too angsty, this is pre-relationship, etc. etc”.)

15. three songs you want to dance with your love to

Fly Me to the Moon

Turn Time Off

Anna Sun by Walk the Moon (tbh this song gives me a very specific image of like moving into a new home with my lover and this song is playing while we’re unpacking, or even just any high energy song, and we end up pausing unpacking long enough to dance silly together and sing the song and it ends with us like hugging with a peck for good measure and life seems so good and perfect)

18. three songs that remind you of your best friend

Budapest (legit bc she showed me this song and was like “i think you would like this!” and you bet your ass i would love that song even if it was trash)

Another Night on Mars

Trouble is a Friend by Lenka (why? i legitimately don’t know. Especially since she’s the sweetest and most peaceful person ever. Then again she is a junkrat main.... never mind it makes sense)

19. three songs that are your guilty pleasure

Waters of Megalovania

Jessie’s Girl (this is like. the quintessential chad complaining about being friend-zoned, but i jam out to it every time, and im sucker for jealousy and unrequited love)

I Don’t Even Care About You by MISSIO for the days when im angry or having a bad day or more annoyed than usual at people trying to interact with me, and I just want to indulge in my old cynicism and hatred of the world in general

20. three songs that remind you of the person who sends this one

False Confidence by Noah Kahan

Hate That You Know Me by the Bleachers

Happy by Marina and the Diamonds

21. three songs of your childhood

oh boy adri, i was an angsty kid. I also tried to keep this specifically to songs I listened to before the age of ten just bc in my head my childhood was pretty much from the ages 3 to ~9, and honestly corresponds to a very specific period in my life

Because of You by Kelly Clarkson

Pieces by Sum 41

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

22. three songs you listen to when you’re sad

All We Do by Oh Wonder

All the King’s Horses by Karmina

SoLow by Keegan Calmes

(this selection was actually hard bc there are... a surprising amount tbh and that probably isnt a good thing lol)

23. three songs that never fail to get you pumped up

How Far We’ve Come by Matchbox Twenty

High on Humans by Oh Wonder

Shut Up and Dance by Walk the Moon (to the surprise of exactly no one. This song came out five years ago and it’s STILL my feel good song, even when i feel terrible)

(this was also a hard choice because i got so many feel good, pump me up songs as well, which i guess??? balances out the amount of sad songs i know and love??)

24. three favourite old songs

lmao how old are we talking here? early 2000s? before that? 1950s? i’ll just go with some goodies

Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer (OKAY SO. this is low-key an all-time favourite of mine and that i relate(d) to a LOT as the person he’s singing about.)

Africa by Toto (damn fucking right im putting it adri!!!)

For What It’s Worth by Buffalo Springfield

26. three favourite non-English songs

Alles Neu by Peter Fox (for once not a lyrics video, bc the official video is part of the Experience for this song)

The Narrow Street by Shin-Yong Woo (aka Jumin’s voice actor. This is simultaneously a huge mood, and gives me feels for my husband)

Little Traveler by clear (the only vocaloid song i know! im truly a sucker for The Little Prince though, the novel that inspired this song)

(be proud of me adri, this section could’ve been nothing but japanese songs, a good portion just from anime.)

29. three songs that influenced you most (some songs change or save lives)

im not gonna lie, a lot of these songs were kind of taken by the childhood ones but lemme see if i can scrounge up any others

In a Big Country by Big Country

Stand by Rascal Flatts

Better Get to Livin’ by Dolly Parton

(As you know, I listen to the first one A LOT, pretty much every time I get into sad mood and want some comfort, but the other two, i sort of forget about, even though i remember these songs being super important to me when i was younger. And re-listening to these now is... kind of crazy tbh, and bringing up all sorts of memories. I will say, perhaps i should give younger me more credit for how hard she was trying to heal and be a better person, just based on these songs lol)

30. three songs you really want your followers to know (for reasons other than all those above)

Lemme see, im gonna give you guys some songs that I internally categorize as late night songs. The songs that make you feel like you’re listening to it at 2 am on a Saturday night, and reality feels just a little bit shifted, and everything feels deeper, more meaningful

Sloppy Seconds by Watsky

Shrike by Hozier

Hurricane by Reuben and the Dark

Sunflower by Post Malone, Swae Lee

+Bonus. Three songs I can listen to, no matter what my mood

Muscle Memory (Acoustic) by Lights. No joke, even on days where i feel like any song is going to irritate the fuck out of me and im sick of listening to music and the emotions they evoke, i can listen to this and immediately feel better

It’s Alright by Mother Mother (legit whenever it shows up in my recommended i smash that mf play button no matter what. it’s like one of, if not the only, song that matches the screaming in my head.)

You’re Somebody Else by flora cash (same as the two above tbh)

#about #this took.... so long #also the 'recently obsessed with' section is no longer all that accurate lmao #though i am still loving them to death and listen to them on repeat so it's cool #istg it's been so long #we were different people back then

[everyandanythingimagines]

New Year’s Day | N.C

Warnings: use of alcohol? (idk if that is a warning), I guess angst

Word Count: 3341

Summary: Based on ‘New Year’s Day’ by T-swizzle :)

A/N: sooo yeah long break but I’ve been writing again... btw not my song, it’s by Taylor Swift. BASICALLY this one is I guess special to me bc it’s somewhat true. ngl I don’t know if I got the interpretation of this song right, but this is how I saw it. Some parts were altered a bit to fit the song better but right when I heard it I just HAD to make it an imagine. also plz request lol thanks for reading hope u enjoy

*not my gif and it somewhat fits idk not really nvm*

 SIDE NOTE: There are a lot of time jumps so here is a guide if you are lost... Italics are from New Years Eve, normal is the day after and on, and bold is lyrics. enjoy

There's glitter on the floor after the party

Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby

You woke up on new years day with the biggest smile on your face. Reminiscence of the night before still plays in your mind. You threw a party in your apartment with just a few of your closest friends. Somehow word got out that the oh so popular ‘Peter Kavinsky’ was going to be partying at your place and a whole bunch of girls, that you were 100% sure that they did not like you before this party, showed up. Probably trying to get lucky with him or any of his close friends. The both of you had mutual friends, and over time all of you had become one tight friend group.

Since yesterday was New Years Eve, everyone had been drinking and dancing. It was only 10 pm when everyone had started to party. You remember bits and pieces of that night, but the most important memories weren’t forgotten.

There was noise coming from the room next to you, some people had spent the night at yours due to their lack of ability to walk/drive home. You got up to check who it was and it was only just a few girls carrying their stuff in their hands trying to sneak out. They smile at you and thank you for inviting them, which was funny because some of them weren't.

Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor

You and me from the night before, but

   Your friend, Morgan, came up to you as she was leaving, “Happy New Year girl! I thought you would want this!” She says. You look down at her hand and it’s a photo of you and Noah from yesterday. He looked amazing in his jeans and black button-up shirt, his hair was gelled yet slightly messy.

“Thanks!” unable to contain a smile on your face just thinking about the both of you from last night, “Do you wanna stay for a bite? I can make something?” You asked her.

“Yeah sure, I’ll stay and recover a bit more because last night was WOW,” she laughs, “so, you and Noah huh?” you turn to her and she’s wiggling her eyebrows. What happened was amazing, but you didn’t know what was going to happen next. All you thought about was last night and everything but the future between you two.

You had this crush on Noah for a while now, there was non stop texting between the both of you. People kept telling you that maybe the feelings were mutual, but it felt too good to be true. Noah was this amazing actor and you were this ordinary girl who he met through mutual friends. How would a relationship even work if this were to happen?

Don't read the last page

But I stay when it's hard, or it's wrong

Or we're making mistakes

Throughout the whole party, you and Noah were inseparable. Everything you did, he did and everything he did, you did. From playing harmless drinking games to sitting on the sofa cuddling and chatting nonstop. There were definitely glares thrown at the pair, but at your drunken state, you thought it was nothing. When you had become separated from Noah, you saw a few of your friends Victoria, Christina, and Gabby, talking in a corner.

You went up to them to see how they are doing, “Hey guys! What are you up to?” they immediately put on fake smiles. The last bit of ‘sober Y/N’ had thought this was weird, but the ‘drunk Y/N’ didn't think anything of it.

“Oh, just resting from this non-stop dancing! Nice party by the way!” They answer. At some point during this awkward exchange, you saw Vic’s eyes flash to Noah quickly. That’s when it all clicked, Noah had asked Victoria out months ago but she had rejected him because she “wasn’t ready” so why does she care now?

You brush off that thought and continue making your rounds to check if it’s getting too chaotic. As you do this your mind floats back to Victoria and Noah, “Maybe this isn’t okay” you think to yourself, “I didn’t think Vic and Noah were a big deal, maybe they are and this is a mistake” Your eyes find Noah’s, "or maybe not.".

I want your midnights

It was only 10 minutes till midnight, you had gathered everyone to the main area with the projector setup displaying the famous ball drop in New York. Noah had found you dancing with the rest of the group. Everyone partied like nothing else mattered. Dancing, drinking, and capturing moments people probably won’t remember tomorrow, if it wasn’t for cameras.

Time had flown by and the countdown from 30 seconds had started. Your heart was racing, you didn’t know what was going to happen. Sure you and Noah had been talking nonstop but does he really like you? It all comes down to this moment.

10

Noah’s hand found yours

9

You look around at your surroundings

8

But all you see is this beautiful brunette

7

The both of you is still counting together

6

Everyone else starts to fade…

5

Then the music….

4

He pulls you closer

3

You smile at him

2

Both of you start leaning in

1…

You kiss.

“Smile you two!” Morgan says. Noah ends the kiss first, smiling towards the Polaroid camera and you follow.

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

You heard a knock on your door as you were in the middle of looking for some food.

“You get it, I’ll look for something to eat for us,” Morgan said, you smile and thank her. As you walk towards the door you pick up a bunch of empty bottles that were scattered all throughout your apartment.

“Hey! Happy New Year!” You greet, struggling to hold the bottles you had picked up. You look up to meet Noah’s eyes. He looked great considering how much he drank the night before and so did you, but then again you never get hangovers. He chuckles at you struggling and immediately helps you with a few bottles. “Thanks, come on in!” as you invite him in, Morgan sees him and gives you a look. You roll your eyes at her and drop the bottles in the recycling bin.

“Hey! How was your night?” Morgan winks and Noah greets her back. Morgan then looks to you, “ I couldn’t find food I want to eat so I’m going to head out to get us food, Noah do you want anything?” Morgan offers. He replies with a no thank you as he continues helping you clean up the bottles.

“Alright sounds good, I’ll just have what you are having,” You reply to her. She grabs her keys, winks at you and heads out the door. Silence filled the air as you both continued on cleaning. You didn’t know what to say and neither did Noah, he looked troubled, not knowing what to say.

As Noah placed the final bottle in the bin, he turned to you, “Look, Y/N, obviously I need to clear something up here…” Noah trailed off. Your heart was beating a thousand miles per hour, this didn’t sound so good. “You are very pretty, smart, and nice, but I don’t feel for you like as a relationship or anything like that type of thing,” Noah added, your heart dropped and you didn’t know how to reply. Noah continued, “ Yesterday was definitely a mixed signal for you and I feel awful about it…” You wanted to say something but you didn’t know what to say. You felt angry, betrayed, and devastated. So many things were running through your head. How could he do this to you?

You wanted to know what was going through his mind this whole time, it doesn’t make any sense, it wasn’t just last night that he had been flirting with you. The flirting had been going on for about a month now, why the sudden change?

“I have been in the same situation only it was the other way around and it sucked. I’m so sorry for everything I just wanted to let you know before things went too far.” the guilty boy finally finished his speech. You didn’t know what to say, you didn’t want to embarrass yourself.

Eventually, you managed to put words together, “Yeah… I feel like that was just because we were both drunk … And don’t worry about it, you’re a good guy” you finally raise your eyes at him. “ I’m not gonna lie when we first met I was kinda into you, but I like us better as friends. I don’t want things to be weird with us after last night…” you lie, you’re trying hard to keep as much dignity you have left and brush off his confession as if it didn’t affect you. But it had, and you were crushed.

Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you

Your close friends had arrived early to have a fancy dinner before the party had started. Sadly, Noah had a last minute shoot for his upcoming movie. By the time everyone had finished dinner, Noah had finished, he just texted you that he was on his way over. Your friends helped you clean up before people came to avoid anything breaking.  Suddenly, the doorbell rang, you ran to the door and opened it. It was Noah, he still had a bit of makeup on from the shoot that you could tell he had tried to rub off.

“I like your makeup!” You laugh at his attempt to take off his makeup.

Noah sheepishly rubs his face. “I can handle this stuff for shoots and stuff, but daily? Dang woman! How do you do this?” He complains to you. You offer him some makeup remover wipes and he gladly accepts. You take him upstairs to your washroom and give him the wipes.

“Do you need help taking it off? Or can you handle that yourself?” You tease him.

“Well I mean if you need an excuse to come closer then okay…” he says in a seductive voice.

“Come on! You could've done better than that!” You laugh at Noah's attempt to flirt with you. You grab the wipes from his hand as he sits on the counter, your body is in between his legs as he rests his hands on your waist. The sound of your heart pounding was loud, you were sure the Noah could hear it over the both of you talking about each others day.

As you finish taking off his makeup, the both of you stare into each other's eyes, your faces slowly inch closer together. “Hey, you two! Come down here before everyone arrives!” you could hear one of your friends shout from outside the washroom. The both of you jump separating yourselves a bit, but still not letting go of each other.

“Maybe we should join them…” Noah trails off as his eyes flicker from yours to your lips.

There’s glitter on the floor after the party

“Thanks for understanding” Noah smiles at you. You look into his eyes and you were confused. You could see guilt and sadness in his eyes, but what made you confused was when you could see a hint of regret. Not like he regretted what you two had experienced, but as if he didn't want to be rejecting you and he regrets doing this, there had to be more than he isn't telling you. He told you that he wanted to end this and that he didn’t want you, so why are his eyes saying something else? The pair stays silent for a while as you process things and cleaning the tabletops to keep you both occupied. “I should get going now…” Noah says as he finishes wiping down the surface of your tables. “I have to video chat my parents later…” he awkwardly shuffles to the door. Noah had always been open with you from the beginning. The second time you guys hung out he told you how hard it was being in a different country as his parents, especially when he had to move away so young. Although he finds it embarrassing that he calls his mom every day, you found it sweet.

“Yeah, no problem. Thanks for stopping by,” you say as you go to open the door. You both exchange goodbyes before you shut the door. Suddenly your vision became blurry from the tears building up in your eyes, you leaned your back against the wall and slid down on the floor. You don’t know how long you were there for, but you were playing every single moment you two had together. How could this happen? It seemed like the feelings you had for each other were mutual, but you were mistaken.

When you recovered from your mini shut down, you look around the room. There was glitter everywhere on the floor and stuck to your body. You felt empty, even though you told Noah you still wanted to be friends, how were you supposed to go back to normal. You didn’t even know what ‘normal’ was for you guys, the majority of the time knowing him it was always flirting. One thing you knew was that you had to clean up and put everything in the past.    

The door opened and in came Morgan, “Y/N? Are you okay? What happened?” she asked all worried. When she left you were with Noah all happy, but now you’re not and he’s not here.

Please don't ever become a stranger

Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

~time skip~

   It has been a few months since New Years and you finally recovered. It took you a while to get over Noah, your friends practically had to drag you out of bed so you could go out with them. As the days went on it got easier to not think about the stunning brunette and it felt great. You were more mad than anything. Sadly, you never patched up that friendship with him and got back to the way things were, but you were okay with that. Since the both of you were in the same friend group you still had to see him, at first it was awkward but you both got over it. However, you never had a one on one conversation since that day.

   You were currently bowling with a few of your friends having a great time. Everyone was happy now that you were back to normal.

   “Okay! Loser buys a round of shots for us at the club later!” Morgan challenges, everyone laughs and agrees. It was girls night and you all were planning on getting wasted with a possibility of meeting an eligible bachelor.  

   “You guys are going down!” You shout, you walk up to the lane and start prepping. Suddenly you hear a laugh a few lanes down from you, it was pretty crowded and loud but you could never forget one of your favorite laughs. You turn to face where the noise came from, your mind was right, it was Noah.

There were multiple times you saw him after New Years, but this time was different. You saw him with Christina, and it wasn’t just a hangout, his arm was around her plus they clearly were flirting. You pointed them out to your friends and some of them were shooting you looks to see that you’re okay, but others were mad that Noah just practically hit up all the girls in your friend group.

It wasn’t until after Noah told you off that you found out that he had chatted up all your friends, which was disgusting considering that you all were in the same circle of friends. By the time you had found that out about him, you were done with it. You would still deal with being ‘friends’ with him still, he hurt you all and that wasn’t right.

At first, when you found out you didn’t believe it, he was so sweet and caring, how could he do it? But he did. There was still some part of you deep inside that felt for him and seeing him with Christina hurt. She was the last person you would expect to do this, none of you saw it coming. What hurt, even more, was that he promised once that he would take you bowling. One day you sent him a snap of your bowling score and he had challenged you, he didn’t say it would be a date, but you thought it could be one. However, he never took you.

And I will hold on to you

It was nearing the end of the night, you and your close friends were all sat on the sofas laughing about old stories of each other. Noah’s arm was around you leaning on each other, everyone was tired and sobered up. Which made sense since you all started partying at 8. The party had calmed down, mostly everyone went home or to another party spot when they figured out their chance with Noah was basically impossible. As everyone broke into their own conversations, Noah turned to you, “I should go… I had a great time, tonight was unexpected but good,” he smiled as he started to get up.

“Me too! Thanks for coming!” You said. He pulled you into a tight hug like you both were savoring it. The rest of the boys stood up as well saying their goodbyes. You lead them to the door and took one last polaroid before they left.

You smiled at them, you could tell that he was happy, he used to have those eyes whenever you were around. It feels like there should have been more to what has happened, but you will never know. There are some things you will never understand and one of them is the whole truth of what happened between you two. It hurts but you had to let him go, maybe he was the right person at the wrong time or maybe not. All you know is that something felt right between you two to just let him go.

You took a deep breath, “goodbye Noah…” you whispered as threw your ball down the lane. You turn around walking back to your spot, Gabby’s face drops.

“Aw man! Okay, drinks on me tonight!” She yells, “but we’re having a rematch next time!” She challenges. You were confused, you thought were in last behind Gabby, but that was until you looked up at the screen and saw you got a strike. You smile and finish your turn.

“Okay, who is ready to party?” You say as everyone starts getting ready to leave. You walk to the counter returning your shoes then head towards the exit. You pause and hesitate before turning around to get one last look at Noah. Your eyes met his brown ones that had already been on you, both of you had this look in your eyes. Everything that happened between the both of you will live in your memories, and there will definitely always be a place in your heart for him no matter how bad he could hurt you. Whether you had still a future together as friends, you don’t know, but you had to let him go.

So there you both were, staring at each other across the room, it was as if time had stopped. You gave him a slight nod and he returned it. This was it, the ending of you two as a couple, the closure you finally needed.

“Y/N C'mon! We are going to miss all the cute guys!” Morgan said snapping you out of your last moment with Noah. You laugh and ran outside to the car. From that point on, Noah was the last thing on your mind for the rest of the night.

#noah centineo #noah centineo imagine #noah centineo x reader #tatbilb #peter kavinsky #peter kavinsky imagine #noah #sbial #jamey #imagine

[ashleyomidi]

So..

Today at work I had another opportunity to share what God is calling me to do in my life and my coworker gave me this wonderful idea to write a blog after I told her that He led me to book a one-way ticket to LA on my birthday. (S/O to Alison Shine 🤗)

But let’s backtrack a little.

A month ago -April 4th to be exact- is where I got to have more of a 1-on-1 convo on set with Noah Centineo since they had us standing right next to each other. Before this day, we had a few interactions on set but never did I get a chance to actually get to know him a bit.

Funny enough, I actually wanted to hate him after this day because I personally get to know people by asking them questions and he didn’t ask me ANYTHING back to do the same ☹️ I was so upset because I see everyone, no matter how big of a platform you have, as regular people. I refuse to be seen as less than just because of how many people know you 😭 like dang. Anyways, I just wish he saw me as a regular girl but I can’t blame him because if I was famous, I wouldn’t know if people genuinely cared about me either.

BUT THEN, I think the Lord did this- at home I was on YouTube and an interview of Noah popped up on my home page and I clicked “not interested” so it could leave my screen lol 💀 and it did, BUT THEN the audio played in the background somehow so I had no choice but to watch it 🙄😒.

It’s a good thing I did though because in the interview I learned that 1: he said as he gets more famous he needs to be more guarded (which I totally understand bc ppl be fake) 2: he would never date a fan, and 3: he said ppl wouldn’t talk to him if he wasn’t in movies.

So tryna be in his shoes and look at his POV, I understood why he acted the way he did with me even tho (idk if he felt the same) but I felt mad chemistry 😩 (the other background actors beside me said he kept looking at me when I was looking down as he was telling everyone riddles but who knows really 🤷🏾‍♀️).

If he was just a regular guy I would totally hit him up and ask him to chill w me 😭💔 (and y’all are probably like who wouldn’t 🙄😒 tru tho 😑) but ugh he’s everything I look for in a boy. He is SO humble (best trait in a human being ever btw ✨ but v rare), genuine, and wise (I get bored reAL QUICK if you don’t stimulate my mind haha 💀 my last 2 bfs were potheads so ya lol smh 🤦🏾‍♀️)

After watching several more of his interviews on YouTube, I was totally in love ahahaha 🙃🙂🙃🙂. Maaan . I was like Ash chill 🙄 you haven’t even had a real convo w this boy loolol.

During my quiet times with the Lord all I could think about was Noah. Which was very weird to me because I was in a season where it was just me and God and I was honestly so content with dying and not getting married bc I just couldn’t see myself with any guy. There was no one that I knew that could stimulate my mind nor loved God as much as I did. (Idk if Noah is saved and knows Jesus personally himself but he says he’s spiritual -idk what that means yet- and I love the fact that he makes sure he doesn’t conform to the rest of the immorality of this world. He keeps to himself by spending a lot of time alone, making sure he doesn’t change who he is- like society does and wants everyone else to do).

Everyday, Noah was constantly on my heart and consumed the majority of my mind. I just wanted one more day to get to know him or even ask him out 😭. Bc this was so unsual for me to have someone I barely knew to be on my mind, I did keep asking God if Noah was an idol and if I was no longer keeping Him first. But He led me to read Debi Pearl’s “Preparing to Be a Help Meet” and from that point on, I knew God was calling me to be Noah’s help meet.

In mid April, I assumed I was going to meet Noah on set again since God revealed to me that this was what He saw was right.. but no. Instead, it’s been almost a month and a half now since that day we interacted on set and I’ve been completely antsyYyy y’all 🙃. I’d say it’s been horrible but He’s been teaching me so so much. About myself, about people, life, and even potential obstacles I may face if He was calling me to be Noah’s wife especially at this young age. Like what.. thinking of marriage at 20 years old ?? Excuse me. That ain’t me .

Last Friday, on May 10th I booked a one-way ticket to LA for my birthday on May 26th and I don’t even know how to feel about it even though it’s always been my dream place to live and breathe 😭😩💕.

As of now, I have way too many concerns. 1) Noah had told me that they’d be here filming until probably mid May and it’s now May 15th and I still haven’t been called to set ever since April 4th- the last time I saw him. 2) I’ve been waiting to meet him again and ask him out on a date ever since then so why would I go to LA if I’m not going there to spend time with him 😭 3) I have yet to book accomodations because God did not tell me to do so.. I think He wants me to stay with Noah since He’s already calling us into marriage.. and 4) this means I have 11 more days to wait on God and watch Him orchestrate something so good that only His Hand can do. I’m SO scared yet excited at the same time 😭😭😭😩.

Updates coming soon 🌊

Made a new tumblr account today (May 15th) for this reason and I pray that more people come to Christ because of being witnesses of what the wonderful God is doing in my life. May You be given all the glory Father 😊💖 Amen.

P.S. i didn’t mean to reblog my own post idk how to undo it 💀

#noah centineo

[twdmusicboxmystery]

How Henry Spoilers Define Daryl’s Arc

Okay everyone, let’s talk about Henry spoilers! These were officially leaked about six weeks ago, and I’ve been wanting to post about them since then. I didn’t get around to it before the holidays, and I’m just now getting back into it, as you know.

***So, if you hadn’t figured it out from that first paragraph, I will be discussing spoilers in this post! Don’t read if you don’t want to know. You’ve been warned!!!***

In info from the spoiler site reads thus:

“The information on Henry is evolving. He escapes the Whisperer camp sometime in episode 15 and heads back to the Kingdom. This is when he will encounter Alpha, but it looks like he will not survive and will likely end up on a pike.”

As I told my group when these surfaced, man I hate it when I’m right. At least, when it’s about something depressing.

Here’s the thing: if you look HERE, I predicted that Henry might die by the end of the season. And it was a very casual prediction. I just felt like in episode 6, they were focusing a lot on the Carzekiel family dynamic and how devoted Carol and Ezekiel were to their son. It just felt like a tragedy waiting to happen. And then there was Henry’s promise that he’d be back for the fair. Yeah, probably not gonna happen, y’all.

But then in THIS POST where I talked about predictions and possibilities for Daryl’s arc (because he’s going to be looking for Henry, much like he looked for both Sophia and Beth) I said I no longer believed Henry would die. Sure, it’s a possibility, but I thought it was more likely that Daryl would find he and he’d represent Daryl finally finding someone and getting redemption in that way.

Nope. Nada. Poor Daryl can’t catch a break. Yeah. Totally sucks. For everyone.

So what does this mean? Well, let’s discuss.

First off, you know how I keep saying I don’t think Ezekiel will get his comic book death. Of course we won’t know for sure until the Whisperer arc is over and he hasn’t died (I.e. it could still happen at any future point) but for me, this is pretty much confirmation of that. Zeke isn’t getting his CB death. It’s going to Henry.

Foreshadowing: 

As depressing as this is, TD should also look at it from a foreshadowing fulfillment stand point. Once again, THEY DON’T SAY THINGS LIKE THIS WITHOUT FULFILLING THEM! We really should have guessed this outcome from this line. We’re all just too optimistic and want to think our beloved characters will live. And for the record, most people assumed this pointed to Ezekiel’s comic book death. They threw a twist in by making it Henry’s instead. Yet another thing TD has been correct about.

And what’s the last thing Daryl said to Beth? “Go up the road. I’ll meet you there.” Beth’s last words to Daryl: “I’m not gonna leave you.”

More foreshadowing: 

This already made sense because Carol lost Sophia and Michonne lost Andrei. But once again, CALLBACKS ALWAYS DOUBLE AS FORESHADOWING! The proof is in the pudding, folks.

Not to mention, the kids around Carol pretty much always die. Totally sucks for Carol, and we wanted to believe she would get to keep Henry. And to some extent, she did. She had six good years raising him from a young boy into adulthood, but it still sucks that she’ll be burying yet another child.

(Remember when I said Carol might cut her hair again after a tragedy? Still remains to be seen, but I’d be willing to bet this is the tragedy and the short hair will return after Henry’s death.)

Henry/Beth Parallels:

I know people are going to worry that, what with all the Henry/Beth parallels we’ve already seen this season, this shows that Beth is dead, just as Henry will be. Please don’t let that worry you. Let me show you why, despite the parallels, it’s not the same thing.

In fact, I’ve gotten several comments on my picture posts showing Henry/Beth parallels by people who are obviously NOT TDers, who see the parallels and say things like, “So Henry is going to die, too.” 

And I understand where that comes from because they think Beth is dead so parallels between her and Henry make them think he’ll die too. Now he will, and that’s not the best thing for TD because people will be able to point at that as a way to prove Beth is dead. But, check it out: In my predictions post, I said if Daryl looked for another person who dies, that would be three searches for a rule of threes. But I realized I was actually mistaken about that. If we include Rick, this will be Daryl’s 4th search. 

1) Sophia 

2) Beth 

3) Rick 

4) Henry. 

And that simply means the rule of threes doesn’t really apply here. (I could get into intricate details and MAKE it fit 😉 , but it doesn’t apply in the way I was thinking of when I wrote that post.

But that made me think of another…pattern, I guess, for lack of a better word. One we couldn’t have seen before knowing about Henry’s death. Henry’s arc, at least in how it turns out, will be exactly like Sophia’s. Putting parallels aside, it will turn out MORE like Sophia’s than like Beth’s. The reason being that we will see Henry’s remains, just like we did Sophia’s. So in both cases, while the missing person wasn’t found while they still lived, or in time to save them, they were SORT OF found, but only after death. Sophia came out of the barn. Henry, I’m assuming, will be on a pike. *winces*  Beth and Rick, by contrast, we never saw bodies for. They simply disappeared. And Rick, at least, we can prove is alive. So she’s more like Rick (alive) than Sophia/Henry (dead).

That begs the question: why all the Henry/Beth parallels, then?

Well, as per usual, @thegloriouscollectorlady had some amazing insights about this and how it shapes Daryl’s arc. Hence the title of this post. Let’s start by talking about what the spoilers are saying about the Whisperers:

“This whole Whisperers situation and conflict is going to be more complex than the comics. We think there’s more going on and we may be in for some surprises.”

That just SOUNDS like something that might include Beth, doesn’t it? But more than that, we’re already foreseeing a lot of possible parallels between Grady and the Whisperers. We know Henry goes looking for Lydia, because he likes her. We don’t know much yet about the confrontation between him and Alpha that leads to his death, but if it’s something about him wanting to free Lydia, who’s a prisoner to Alpha, well, doesn’t that sound a whole hell of a lot like Beth trying to free Noah from Dawn, just before being shot?

So we’re thinking we may see some powerful Beth/Henry vs. Dawn/Alpha parallels when all this happens.

Also remember that Whisperers have rape culture, just like Grady did. The leadership dynamic is also strikingly similar (female leader, males are second in command, people not treated well, and leadership held through sheer force and brutality.) So Whisperers = Grady 2.0 and that’s Beth’s story. What better way to reintroduce her than through this similar dynamic? We always said what she learned from Grady would be important moving forward. And the Whisperers, more than any other villainous group we’ve seen since S5, are shaping up to be EXACTLY like Grady.

Not to mention, in the CBs, TF finds Alpha just before finding the heads on pikes and she’s brandishing a bloody machete. So the red machete may reappear thru the Whsiperers, which may be the point of the RED MACHETE miniseries. If Beth is with the Whisperers, Legs may still be her, but the point may have been to show the audience how the red machete went from Rick to the Saviors and eventually to the Whisperers.

And that becomes interesting too (seriously we could spin in a million different directions with this) because Rick got the red machete from a bad group (the Claimers) and now, if it’s in Alpha’s hands, it may eventually pass to Beth, who’s so heavily paralleled with Rick.

So the Whisperers are kind of like the Claimers 2.0. (We also see this because in the trailer for 9b, Lydia tells Daryl he’s more like one of them, the Whisperers, than like one of Michonne’s group. That’s a whole lot like what Joe Claimer’s argument to Daryl was.)

But I digress.

Okay, so what does this mean for Daryl? Why parallel Beth and Henry so closely? First, it’s important to note that ONLY Daryl and the audience is aware of these parallels. Maybe that seems obvious, but Carol secretly watched most of Daryl and Henry’s interactions, right? But she’s not relating it to Beth in the slightest because Daryl and Beth were alone on the road together. So we, the audience, can observe these parallels, but in terms of characters, they ONLY mean anything to Daryl.

That’s important because this is going to reopen a very raw, unhealed wound for him. 

For Daryl, looking for Sophia represented finding a place for himself in the group, and also reliving his childhood because no one looked for him. He was strong and saved himself. In 9x08, Aaron also says fear stops Daryl from letting people get too close to him. Fear of failure. When he loses someone he’s searched for, he blames himself.

Both Beth and Denise recognized this fear in Daryl and called him on it. (Beth in Still bc since Sophia, he never lets anyone get close; Denise because he isn’t handling his shit and it’s stupid.) It’s not Daryl’s job to actually save them, but rather to try and save them. They generally have to save themselves. But Daryl can’t see that. He can’t see beyond his own failures to save people he cares about.

Daryl has to learn that he can’t save people directly. He can give them the skills to save themselves, but they have to choose. And this is what’s always happened. He gave Tina meds to help her survive, but she did something stupid by walking up to two walkers and getting herself bitten. Daryl gave Dwight and Sherry the opportunity to be saved, but they chose to go back to Negan. (This messes with Daryl’s head, by the way, because he can’t understand why someone would choose not to be saved. He simply can’t comprehend that level of stupidity.) He gave Denise the opportunity to go on the outside and learn to protect herself, but she still died. And of course, he gave Beth the skills to survive on her own, but she has to save herself.

Again, this was @thegloriouscollectorlady’s insight into Daryl’s arc, and it’s fantastic! Because he can’t see beyond his own failures, this is not something he ever has or ever will learn. At least, not on his own. When he couldn’t save Rick, he started living on his own in the wild. 

The only way I imagine he’ll learn this is by Beth’s return. Not only will he see that he was never gonna be able to save her—she had to save herself and did—but he’ll see that he gave her the skills to survive, but it was up to her to use them. I think he’ll finally start to comprehend this, and maybe it will even be a matter of her telling him. She pointed out his emotional stumbling blocks to him before in Still, and he realized she was right and then proceeded to move past them. He hasn’t had that kind of break through since he lost her in S5.

So, in short, with spoilers of Henry’s death, we’re starting to understand why the parallels between him and Beth are happening. It’s going to be the final straw for Daryl before Beth finally returns and he learns what he needs to learn in order to be the person—maybe even the leader—he needs to become.

Another interesting parallel:

Apparently, Henry will get so close to the Kingdom before actually being caught and killed that he can see the lights from the fair. This is like Andrea (who got close enough to prison to wave at Rick before being captured, which leads to her death) and Beth (almost got her out of Grady but  got shot at the last possible minute).

I should probably touch on Carol’s arc since Henry is her son. I won’t go into much detail, but let’s just say we’re hoping Carol deals with Henry’s death in a healthier way than she did with Sophia’s. Still mourning, of course, but not devolving into the person that burnt David and Karen alive.

Notice I said, we HOPE that’s what will happen. Honestly, I’m not convinced. We saw her burn the Saviors in 9x01, which was a close parallel to her burning Karen and David in 4a, so that might foreshadow her returning to that mindset. 

She may also end up taking Michonne’s CB arc at some point. If that doesn’t mean much to you, don’t worry about it. If it does happen, it probably won’t be this season, so I can talk about it later.

Finally, I want to mention one more detail. Then I’ll shut up. I promise. I’ve had a lot of people this season asking me what the point of killing Carl was when Henry seems to be taking all his arcs, and is roughly the same age. Well, Henry’s impending death pretty well answers that question.

1. Carl wouldn’t have survived much longer. It’s not like they killed him off and then gave someone else his arc (Henry) and kept him on for multiple seasons. If Carl had kept this arc, he simply would have died this season rather than last season.

2. It has to do with how this affects Carol and Daryl. Obviously this will drive Carol and Ezekiel’s arc in a way Carl’s death never would have. As for Daryl, well, it just wouldn’t have been realistic for it to be Carl. Carl would never have left Alexandria, Michonne, and Judith behind to become a blacksmith’s apprentice at the Hilltop. So then Carol would never have asked Daryl to protect him, and the rest of Daryl’s impending arc would have been kaput. See what I mean? It just wouldn’t have worked if it had been Carl, so they gave it Henry, and it appears it will end relatively quickly.

So yeah, just wanted to point that out for the people who’ve asked. It’s not a hating-on-Carl thing. It really is a serving-the-story thing, which is what Gimple told us back when Carl died.

Thoughts on any of this?

Special thanks to @thegloriouscollectorlady, @wdway, @bethgreeneisqueen, @lilly.loop, and @frangipanilove for contributing their thoughts to this.

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance #beth is almost here #bethyl

[prescxtts]

HEEYYY !! i’m so excited to be here omg.. i’m SOOO late as always but anyway.. i creeped on this before the revamp but never had the guts to join ?? i’m glad i did now tho.. anyway, hello, i’m mel.. 20, gmt+2.. so.. worst timezone probably. this is noah.. he’s a revamped character of mine under a diff name and i’m so happy to be playing him (sorta) again. i wrote a bit aobut him below and i’ll set up an actual bio page tomorrow since it’s like.. 4am.. AJSDFJKD

a HARRY STYLES lookalike just rolled into new york city in their ferrari. noah prescott just had a birthday bash for his twenty second birthday. i doubt he’ll make it here in new york city since i hear he tends to be abrasive, but on the other hand he is intrepid. ( cismale & he/him )

noah was born to a famous musician and the producer behind her success. his family was known in the entertainment industry for years and their legacy ran deep.

he obviously has a lot of responsibilities that come with having a last name like his and he has a lot to prove once he’s out in the spotlight.

his parents controlled his life growing up to a certain extent. they weren’t exactly strict .. not unless the family image was at risk. they had to ensure he’d still keep up with his school work and get the best grades while also keeping up with extracurricular activities and music lessons. in a way, they also picked out his friends for him which resulted in a lot of surface level friendships.

as long as he did everything they signed him up for, they pretty much didn’t care what his weekends were like? so they didn’t mind him going out to parties when he was old enough and coming home late or bringing girls home every night. they didn’t mind the alcohol and drug use either.. again, as long as he was sober in the morning and it didn’t affect his grades etc.. they really didn’t care. 

that eventually started affecting him when he realized he wasn’t getting any attention and his parents weren’t around for the important things. he wasn’t ever validated and he felt ignored most of the time.. like his needs and feelings weren’t a priority at all.

because of this, he started to rebel against his parents more and it’s surprising to them when it really shouldn’t be.. and it’s more so for attention and well, maybe to piss them off a little. 

like it fucks him up a little that his parents know little to nothing about him or his personality because they have a false image of him in their minds and they’re just now realizing that he’s not who they thought he was... and it just breaks his heart cause he doesn’t feel like he was ever really validated or accepted LOL.. it was always about the plan rather than what noah wanted to do/liked to do.. not once. but he’ll never say that out loud.

he kinda just changed entirely. if i had to put a label on him, it’d be the connard.

here’s another thing with his parents.. his dad cheats a lot and his mom KNOWS about all his affairs .. at first noah was confused.. didn’t know that she knew until his mom just casually brought it up in a convo and he was shook like.. u knew this whole time..

his mom loves appearing perfect and that’s why she won’t grant his dad a divorce because she wants a perfect looking family in the spotlight. 

the affair affected his mom more than his dad and so she turned a bit obsessed with noah’s career and which direction to take it in. it kinda became her next ‘project’ and she wanted to dictate everything pretty much.. down to what genre he’d go into.

that’s why he hasn’t released any music yet.. his mom wants him to do mainstream stuff but it’s truly not who he is as an artist and he wants to do what he pleases. she thinks his type of music is meaningless and obnoxious and quote on quote ‘non-profitable’ but he just wants to do something meaningful and stick to what he likes, rather than what would sell the most copies.

he still feels pressure being a prescott and deep down, it really makes him insecure.. he’s scared he won’t live up to people’s expectations and have a successful career like his parents. irrelevancy is his biggest fear basically. and though it always appears like he has it all together, he’s just exhausted from having soo much to live up to and sometimes wishes he could just step back from it all. 

he can come off as immature sometimes.. a bit incompetent even, but when he’s in the studio, he’s ready to give it his all and just overall, he’s really professional when it comes to his music. anything else? he pretty much has no interest in.. so he’ll continue to immaturely brush off.

personality wise.. he’s kinda bluster. he can be frustrating sometimes because he likes getting under people’s skin. he lives 2 provoke but hates being provoked LMAO.. will lash out if that happens.. he has a bit of a temper too.

he can be stubborn, thinking he’s right all the time etc.. even when he’s not. he says the wrong shit all the time tbh and it ends up hurting people bc he just doesn’t know how not to? sometimes he’ll do it on purpose if he’s trying to hurt someone. 

in his defense, he wants to be a better person. be kinder, softer but then again, he doesn’t know how. being an asshole has worked fine for him so far.

his parents weren’t really around for him when he was growing up when it came to important stuff and they never really discussed his feelings. they weren’t the kind of family to vent to one another or talk about their problems so he kinda just new to keep everything bottled up. that carried over to now and he just doesn’t know how to truly talk about feelings.. so he also is really bad if people come crying to him about stuff cause he’s just like .. huh.. tears make me uncomfortable .. 

ughghgh,.. my mind is all muddled rn and i have sooo much i wanna add and a lot of things to tweak in this but i’m getting tired and i have a feeling this is all over the place.. i’m sorry if it feels hectic SFJDKSJ i’m a mess.. he’s a mess ugh! whatever. if we’re plotting and i remember something suddenly i’ll let u know but for now... i guess we’ll see where he goes .

#✘ :: ☇ behind the scenes. / ooc. #wealthyhq:intro

[creaturebloom]

this is a 65 question ask meme and im the bitch that’s filling it all out at once to waste time

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? oh yeah definitely, but it’s usually the other way around where everyone else is real and i am not

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? idk like a 2.5 i guess

3. The person you would never want to meet? i mean. i don’t know ??? how can i know who i don’t want to meet until i have met them and decided they’re the worst

4. What is your favorite word? akimbo

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? i would WANT to be a weeping willow, but in all honesty i’d probably be a birch or some type of maple

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? i honestly cannot recall

7. What shirt are you wearing? a grey pajama shirt

8. What do you label yourself as? the skeleton god

9. Bright room or dark room? i mean if we’re talking the absolute brightest room vs the absolute darkest, i suppose i would pick brightest.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? for once i was actually asleep

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? god probably like 8 years old was good

12. Who told you they loved you last? my dad

13. Your worst enemy? it me

14. What is your current desktop picture? it’s a landscape in the style of like miyazaki movie backgrounds

15. Do you like someone? romantically ? no

16. The last song you listened to? poison vine - noah gundersen

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? just like physically destroy one person ???? idk man. like the consequences of this would probably be too far reaching for me to even fathom. do i get caught ?? does it spark paranoia worldwide ? a string of copy-cat murders ? could i live with myself knowing i killed a human being ?

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? nazis

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? idk like. the idea of a slave that has to do stuff for me for a day is kind of wild. if i can like, make a billionaire my slave and then force them to redistribute their wealth then i’d do that

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) my bones !! i can’t show them to you though, not yet

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? i guess the opposite of nonbinary is SUPER binary so i’d be like half man half woman and i’d look exactly like a halloween costume

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? no, all of my talents are pretty out in the open

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? one unique thing ??? i don’t think anyone really has unique fears. if you dig deep enough they all sort of boil down to the same few things in the end. i guess the most strange fear i have is that spiders will be in my slippers, and so i do not own or wear slippers.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. oh shit ok. idk all the ingredients but one time i ate a vegetarian bahn mi in chicago and it was like the most heavenly sandwich i’ve ever had. i want that again. endlessly.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? honestly at this very moment in time i would buy groceries, and also maybe a pad of watercolor paper

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? oof, leave immediately ??? that limits my choices bc i don’t have a passport. i guess i’d go to like. god idk oregon ? colorado ??? the pacific northwest somewhere.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? wait what am i supposed to figure out if i don’t drink booze ??? like if my plan was to sell it, i’d have to get a liquor license, and that’s a can of worms i don’t care to open. i think i would ask the angel if instead i can get a lifetime supply of, like, that good bahn mi sandwich i was talking about a few questions up.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no nerds allowed

29. What is your favorite expletive? i’m pretty partial to fuck, but honesly yikes is what i say most often even though that’s not a swear word. petition to make yikes a swear word.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? hey so one time there was actually the threat of a fire in my house and despite all these questions no one does anything like that. i put on my shoes, grabbed my phone, sunglasses and water bottle because they were all immediately available as i was exiting the house. so as much as i’d love to grab my box of treasures and keepsakes, i absolutely would not and i know this about myself now.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? yikes. i can see the appeal of this for a lot of people, but for myself it’s just uhhh not feasible. i’d always wonder what i erased, and at some point i would uncover the truth. i wouldn’t like to live with that kind of mystery going on.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! oh thank god. i’m moving to a colder climate with universal healthcare.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? okay i would strike a deal here and let’s say i can bring back two pets instead of one person and in this case i would bring back rusty (family golden retriever), and also kohji (brother’s shepherd mix). i’d like to say i’d bring back my cat, but i have two cats now and i know my brother would really like his dog back.

34. What was your last dream about? i don’t really remember, tbh. i’ve been having a lot of weird dreams tho

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? yes i am a VERY good [something]

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yes ! it was terrifying and i’d never like to do it again thanks

37. Have you ever built a snowman? no, somehow this was never presented to me as an option any time i’ve been around snow

38. What is the color of your socks? buddy i’ve not worn socks in months. but also generally they are striped with various colors.

39. What type of music do you like? gay stuff

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunrises

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? chocolate

42. What football team do you support? oh i sure don’t

43. Do you have any scars? yes, many

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? considering that i am no longer in school, the answer is that i want to do whatever i feel like doing at any given moment

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i suppose i’d cure my mental illness (which i’m working on, so, this will happen)

46. Are you reliable? oh, no. no thanks. i absolutely am but i hate feeling obligated so i always choose to not put myself in situations where someone needs to rely on me for anything

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? i guess i’d ask if they’re happy

48. Do you hold grudges? i mean. i don’t forget things ........ but i am capable of forgiving people

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? nope ! i’ve seen movies, i know what horror that can cause

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? one time my sister and i were talking to our aunt, and we could not for the life of us figure out if she was trying to GIVE or SELL us some rabbit fur coats she had ......... it’s been over a decade and we still do not know which it was

51. Are you a good liar? yes

52. How long could you go without talking? several million years

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? sorry my hair is indestructible and because of the natural texture it looks great no matter what. i’m blessed and i know it.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? what kind of person doesn’t bake their own cake ????? rich people i guess

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? yes ! but not very well

56. What do you like on your toast? butter, and occasionally cinnamon sugar

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? some cool clouds

58. What would be you dream car? a honda prelude with the pop-up lights

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. i do sing in the shower sometimes, but not loudly

60. Do you believe in aliens? absolutely

61. Do you often read your horoscope? almost every day, but i do my full birth-chart horoscope so that it’s accurate, and not like horoscopes from the newspaper

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? n

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? i mean are they not the same thing. tell me a dinosaur and a dragon are not basically the same things.

64. What do you think about babies? yeah they’re alright. i never want to be in charge of one but i’m alright with them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. i guess the most interesting thing i can think to ask myself is which tarot decks i have, and i will tell you. i have the prisma visions tarot (which is amazing), and also the shadowscapes deck (beautiful!), and also a deck of runes that i made myself with a sharpie on a pack of pepsi branded playing cards

#about mai #i guess this used up like thirty minutes of my time

[kayliemusing]

Survey 6

Put your music player of choice on shuffle and list the first 10 songs - Betty by Taylor Swift - Broken by Lovelytheband - Make Me (Cry) by Noah Cyrus - One More Weekend by Against The Current - When We Were Young by Adele - Honestly by Gabbie Hanna - Carousel by Melanie Martinez -Brokenhearted by Karmin - Ashes by Celine Dion - Lover by Taylor Swift

If you could spend a week anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Would you take anyone with you? - I’d love to go to NYC, because it’s a place I’ve always wanted to go and it seems so inspiring and lively there. I’d take my mom and sister with me.

What is your preferred writing implement? (eg. Blue pen, pencil, green pen) - Blue or black pen, and I like for my ink to feel super flowy and smooth.

Favourite month and why? - I love December because of Christmas time but I also really like May because the sun feels so much brighter and it’s starting to warm up.

Do you have connections to any celebrities (even minor)? List them. - When I was a kid, my dad’s cousin knew Michael J Fox.

Name 3 items you could pick up from where you are. - My phone, my notebook, and my headphones.

What brand logo is closest to you currently? - Asus (the computer I’m currently using. Don’t know about a “logo” tho. Just a brand name.)

Do you ever play board games or other non-computer games? Got any favourites? - YES. I’m obsessed with matching games on my phone. Right now I love My Home, Property Brothers, and Design Matters. I love them because they make me not think and then when you win levels you get to decorate your home which I find totally fun.

A musical artist you love that isn’t well known - Of Monsters and Men. I think they’re a little known, but not overly. One of my fav bands of all time.

A musical artist you love that is well known - Taylor Alison Swift

What is your desktop background currently? - A portrait of trees in the mist

Last person you talked to, and through what you talked to them - My mom and we talked in person.

First colour name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow - White

What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in? - My phone, computer I’m currently using, and my switch.

What kind of headphones do you use? - The apple ones that came with my phone.

What musical artists have you seen perform live? - Lmao the Jonas Brothers when I was 10 and Marianas Trench when I was 15. 

Does virginity matter to you? - Yes, but I don’t care what others choose to do. 

What gaming consoles do you or your family own? - Switch, WiiU and PS4

What pets do you have? What are their names? - 2 Siamese cats, Archer and Misty.

What’s the best job you’ve ever had? - Sephora as a cashier, which I’m currently at. Obviously it’s not a dreamboat but they’ve treated me the best and I’m not totally miserable there.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? - Chapters. I feel like it had potential to be a good job, but I was in a really bad place so I feel like I didn’t perform to the best of my ability, but in saying that, they also lacked community there. I could go in and out of that store during my shift and no one would say hi or bye to me. I didn’t have any work friends, and I found management not that nice. Whereas at my job now, it has its flaws but I do feel like we’re kind of a family which I never would have expected because of my experience at chapters.

What magazines do you read, if any? - I don’t read magazines unless it’s an article about Taylor Swift because I love her lol

Inspiration behind your URL? - I have three blogs, so the inspiration for this one was just to the point; I do surveys. My main blog @autumnsletters was inspired because I love words and love letters and autumn so I just threw them together and then my Taylor Swift inspired blog where I geek out about Taylor was inspired by a lyric from a song called I Think He Knows. (@sixteenavenue)

Inspiration behind your blog title? - For this blog, it’s a spin on a Taylor Swift song called All You Had To Do Was Stay where I just inserted the word survey, not that smart lmao. On my main blog my title is “Give you my wild” which is from a song called Peace from Taylor, and then on my Taylor blog, it’s “You’re not my homeland anymore” which is from her song Exile. So I’m very Swiftian.

Favourite item of clothing? - My turtle neck sweater from Dynamite. (I bought three just in diff colours but my favourite is the red one.)

Are you friends with any exes? - I don’t have exes, but I always find it kinda weird when people are friends w their exes because I feel like you can’t come back to friendship once you’ve crossed the line but what do I know.

Name at least one book you loved as a child. - I’ll Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. (I think that’s the title but I’m not totally sure.)

What’s your native language? If that language has distinct regional variations, which variation? (eg. AU English, US English) - US English

What email service do you use? - Gmail

Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in? - I’m in the family room so there’s a few things. Some canvas’s of random patterns, shelves, a nyc painting, and then a big rustic canvas of a bible scripture.

What’s your favourite number, and why? - 22, because of Taylor has a song called 22 (surprise surprise) and it’s also doubles and an even number which I like.

Earliest moment in your life you can remember? - I always have this random, very faint memory of being in this double stroller with my sister when I was probably 2 or 3 and she was in the seat in front of me and I was in the back and my parents were behind me talking and it was sunny outside.

What did you have for dinner yesterday? - Chinese!

How often do you brush your teeth? - Morning and night. Sometimes I escape to bed before brushing my teeth if i’m super tired but definitely every morning.

What’s your favourite candy/chocolate? - Maltesers

Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently? - Yes, I talked about them just a few questions ago. I have this one, my main, and my Taylor inspired one lol. My main blog has gone through a series of phases throughout the years lol.

If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat? - I like to go for easy to grab food. So bagels, muffins, cereal. Something super quick.

What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of? - Swiftie and A Court of Thorns and Roses fandom

If you could study anything, what would it be? - English and Communications, but I’ve always stayed away even though I’ve wanted to study those because I’m terrified of public speaking and I also feel like I’m not quite smart enough. Sad but true.

Do you use anything on your lips? (eg. Chapstick, gloss, balm, lipstick) - I like wearing Fresh watermelon lip balm when I’m not wearing makeup or I have my mask on. Generally when I have a full face of makeup on, I gravitate to lipsticks or lipstains.

How would you describe your sense of humour? - Dry/self deprecating and sarcastic.

What things annoy you more than anything else? - Kanye

What kind of position are you in at the moment? - I am sitting on my couch with my legs stretched out in front of me and resting on the coffee table.

Do you wear much jewellery? - I never wear jewelry but I’d like to start wearing necklaces and getting my ears pierced so I could wear earrings again. 

Who is the leader of your country, currently? Any other levels of government with leaders? (State, region, province, county, district, municipality, etc) - Trudeau

Last 3 blogs on your dashboard, not including any of your own - I won’t name them, but one was a Taylor related blog, one was a writing blog, and another was a literature blog.

What do you carry your money in? - My wallet/debit card

Do you enjoy driving? Why or why not? - I don’t mind driving, but I’m obsessed with other people being angry at me for some reason so sometimes driving is stressful if I make a mistake or when people are behind me, I’m constantly checking my rear view mirror so they won’t think I’m bad at driving. It’s dumb, I know.

Longest drive you have ever been on? - When I was a kid and we drove to BC and stopped at literally every freaking town on the way there.

Furthest away from home you have ever been? - Victoria BC

How many times have you moved house? - Once and I was like four lol

What is on the floor of the room you’re currently in, not including furniture? - A blanket, suitcase that needs to be put away, some cords from the lamps, and a random canvas that hasn’t been hung up yet.

How many devices do you own which can access the internet? - Four,  I think.

Is there is anything that is guaranteed to always make you happy? - Feeling creative and Taylor Swift music. Money, too lmao

Is there anything that always makes you sad? - Books where the two people pining for each other don’t get/stay together, getting super existential, seeing homeless people on the street, thinking about my dad who passed away.

What programs do you currently have open? - Tumblr and Word, because I’m avoiding writing because I don’t know what to say.

What do you associate the colour red with? - Taylor Swift lol. But also Christmas and passion.

Last strong smell you can remember smelling? - My garlic knots coming out of the oven <3

Last healthy thing you ate? - One (1) apple slice lmao

Do you drink tea or coffee, and how much per day? - Neither, both are gross.

What do you associate the colour blue with? - Sadness or gloom, usually. 

How long is the closest ruler you can find? - I don’t think we have a ruler and if we do, it’s in a drawer upstairs somewhere and I don’t feel like digging for it.

What colour pants/skirt/etc are you currently wearing? - White sweats.

When was the last time you drank water? - Probably yesterday yikes. 

How often do you clear your browser history? - Never.

Do you believe nude photos can be artistic, rather than erotic? - I guess it could be interpreted that way, but nude photos just kinda annoy me.

Ever written fanfiction for anything? - Yes and I’m not telling you for what.

Last formal event you attended - Oh, I don’t even know. It’s been YEARS. Probably my cousin’s wedding way back when in 2014.

If you had to move your birthday to another date, which one would you choose and why? - December 13 so I could have matching birthdays with Taylor Swift 

Would you prefer to be at a beach or in the countryside? - Countryside. I hate the beach. The idea is nice, but I hate feeling hot and then I’m surrounded by people with nice bodies and I’ll just start to hate myself, and I never feel like I can wear the summer clothes I want to so it just makes me spiral.

Roughly how many people live in your town? - I have no clue. Thousands maybe.

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? - Yes. A girl I went to school with and also Jensen Ackles and Justin Bieber 

Favourite place to shop? Can be a certain store or a place where there are multiple stores - Dynamite and Colourpop.

Do you have a smartphone? What kind? If you don’t, do you want one? - I have an iPhone 11 Pro.

What is your least favourite colour, and why? - Navy blue, because it’s ugly.

How do you spell grey/gray? - G R E Y

Go to your dashboard and describe the image shown in the radar section (below the “Find blogs” link) - N/A

What difference is there between how many followers you have, and the number of blogs you follow? - I have 1,374 followers and I follow 1,969 blogs.

How many posts do you have? - Good lord. Too many.

How many posts have you liked? - Not sure.

Do you post mainly reblogs, or your own content? - Mostly reblogs and occassionally I share my writing but I do this thing where I share my writing and I get 2 notes and then I start re reading my writing over and over until I hate it and delete it and fall down this spiral of shame.

Do you track any tags? - no

What time is it currently? - 6:17 pm

Is there anything you should be doing right now? - I’m supposed to be writing because I’m trying to turn it into a routine so I can be more successful with it, but I’m avoiding it because I get so overwhelmed with how little I’m writing/what I’m writing/not knowing what to say, etc.

#survey

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#2)

\haha yeah I was totally planning on sleeping but I literally cannot think about anything else other than getting this idea out of my brain. so, we will try to get through the finale of s2: Love Hurts. please enjoy.

-okay so right off the bat before even starting the episode, i noted a few things. the episode description is “Robin experiences complications and a new face arrives at the hospital.” How fucking annoying that it’s the season finale and the entire episode is centered around connor? of course, at this point we don’t know that the ‘new face’ is his future love interest.

-also!!! the fact that ava is mentioned in the episode description of the season finale? That’s huge!

-the episode description makes it sound like nothing fucking happens in this episode.

-also i am extremely scared to start the ep bc i feel like it is going to through me straight back into the deep end and put me in a state of emotional shock.

-i will try to take very deep breaths before the episode starts. okay. here we go.

-does this episode open with robin being carted in on the ambo bc if this is the ep im thinking about, i remember appreciating how angsty this scene was

-i still remember charles yelling ‘2 of adavan!’

-okay hi sarah i really was not expecting to see you this soon

-oh wow. just. sarah calling shots in the ed. in control. you love to see it. also. im just now remembering how early in the ep we get to meet ava. i always remembered it as being at the very end but. i remember connor being distraught with his messy hair.

-also i’m highkey loving how out-of-control connor is rn

-reese. god i missed you so much.

-they counted again. love that.

-okay but like i have no analysis just every time sarah’s onscreen i just want to say ‘i love you’

- i have not heard sarah speak in a HOT SEC and god i forgot how deep her voice was and it is sending me (its not even that deep i just like, forgot.) It has been years and I honestly think i have forgotten who sarah really was. sad.

-like i don’t remember the last time i could describe her as in control but right now treating robin she’s calm (honestly bc she’s the only other shrink on the show, but HOLD ON WAIT DOESNT CHARLES GET SHOT AT THE END OF THIS EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK. reese has one moment. and then her and charles start bickering. i remember why i was so mad)

-i’m in love with her.

-i really have to sit through the next 40 mins of this and just everytime i see sarah going ‘i love her,’ and now you do too.

-oh my god CHARLES SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CANNOT BLAME CONNOR FOR THIS

-also the reason i became disillusioned: dr charles just started being suuuuuper sus.

-i do love sarah. and honestly, connor, not my favorite, but this storyline really made me empathize with him. his girlfriend is having a psychotic break and people keep shitting on him. (maybe the reason i didn’t like ava at first. really kicked him while he was down)

-I... haha. sarah. hnghhh. you can guess the rest.

-if you were in this situation, with robin, would you be thinking like connor or would you be thinking like charles? personally- connor. Robin was fine. maybe a little impulsive to take her home, but charles was being suuuper overprotective (from what I remember).

-Charles: “This is on you. You did this.” I remember that line hitting really hard when I watched it the first time lmao damn.

-SARAH. HER EYES ARE RED. SHE’S SAD. SHE’S CRYING! COME ONNNN MEDDD YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME!!! (and I swallowed my water the wrong way which somehow triggered my gag reflex so now im crying too please god stop Im sorry what did I do)

-yay sarah. hey guys look at that. sarah gets to, like, do her job.

-ALSO I JUST REALIZED THAT S3 STILL SUCKS FOR SARAH BC OF HER INTENSE INTENSE PTSD??? LIKE SHE WHOLE ASS PEPPERSPRAYS HER PATIENT???

-also these are the clothes charles got shot in and honestly i’m not even mad. I’m mad that him getting shot put sarah through so much pain (i talked a lot about ava but y’all are really gonna see just how protective i am of sarah. like god even I forgot.)

-you can see how much sarah cares about connor. which is like, fantastically crazy. (it fuels the rheese shippers which is why i tend to be against it) but just like, that’s just how sarah is. she cares so much. she’s not even close to connor, but you can see how much she cares. this is why its so unfair for sarah to work in psych. like, she’s way too soft for that come on man. (y’all remember the huge car crash episode and at the end she tells ethan that it was nice to be back in the ed bc you can fix people’s bodies but not their minds? 1) she was adorable in that. 2) i am so scared for her. she just cares too much)

-okay but the above bullet is probably the exact reason why people ended up shipping ava and sarah. they both are characters who care way more than they let on. sarah is the only one in the hospital who would probably give ava a second chance after an icy first encounter. That being said, being realistic? ava is probably the only one who would she the bullshit that sarah has to go through everyday, so she would never have the icy first encounter. which in turn sets sarah’s empathy bells off or whatever.

-honestly? ava is a mean to people because she thinks they deserve it. that’s it. she’s not a bitch or anything like that (and yeah, ava stans do a little bit of overlooking her behavior bc hey if a careless med student bumps into her while passing by, thats on them). (and of course, in this world and in reesker minds, sarah has never done anything wrong, ever.)

-look guys, i did it. i boiled reesker down to its bare essentials! (lmao tho literally walking through it again from almost a totally fresh perspective, it is still so easy to see how they would have been great together.)

-also. uh. not to pile on the reesker but. ----- connor just got paged by latham. is-is it happening?

-refusing to go home and sleep because the person you care most about is lying in a hospital bed is such classic angst oh my god

-wtf? charles has meds i completely forgot? for his heart? when is he gonna get shot the suspense is killing me.

-ALSO. YOU ARE TELLING ME. THAT S3 SARAH HAD TO DEAL WITH PTSD AND A POSSIBLE PATIENT LAWSUIT. AT THE SAME TIME HER FATHER WAS BEING SUSPECTED OF MURDER, AT THE SAME TIME HE TRIED TO RECONNECT. it is a fucking crime that that is the season we have to rewatch. its a crime they abused her so much.

-waiting for charles to keel over and die like

-the worst thing is that like, he actually cares. he actually truly cares about sarah, he just did a lot of bad things. so sarah has to justify them all! and sarah had no idea how to feel because now she’s disillusioned again. please chill

-lmao stoll wow 

-oh. soft sweet boy noah. he really doesn’t know better, and that’s almost the worst thing.

-also. dr. shore. that’s really all i have to say about that.

-ohhhhh my god nat fucking chill

-what is it with couples on mad and not being allowed to be happy. (this could be about reesker if you, like, reallyyyy squint)

-aw! hey, look! it’s jay! he’s nice to look at too. ooh i also forgot how deep his voice was lol

-counting

- i honestly forgot what a good source of angst this show was. this guys parents are flying in from germany to go to his graduation and then he got hit by a car??? damn

- i still forget how much i like the cop/doctor brother duo. I love it.

-GUYSSS

-GUYSSS ITS HAPPENING

-the air literally left my lungs I am not ready.

-ITS FUCKING

-oh my god

-it is 3 am and I just screamed out loud holy shit

-I FORGOT I FUCKING FORGOT. IT DOESNT HAPPEN WITH HER IN CASUAL CLOTHES. THAT IS AT THE END. I FORGOT THEY INTERACT WITH HER IN SCRUBS

- I FORGOT I FUCKING FORGOT

--holy shit she is fucking stunning. she was just allowed to be like that? in her first introduction? while connor looks like complete shit? IMAGINE THE POWER SHE HAS HOLY SHIT. THIS IS THE GREATEST POWER MOVE IVE EVER SEEN.

-uh for those of you who are confused, ava bekker has entered the scene and holy. shit. is she fucking amazing. and she hasn’t even said a word yet. all she did was turn

-H E R P O W E R

-uhhuufhuahdoas back to the analysis - latham reiterated all of the points we just discussed in the premiere, only goes to show how this was planned, from the start.

- t h e p o w e r ava has to step on the scene and instantly fuck things up. I ASPIRE

-okay let me try again to move forward. (nope. i tried to go back to the tab and just. the expression on her face. guys. i cannot express the emotions. we will press on)

-deep breaths

-she’s so pretty oh my god

-I-uh- okay listen. it is really, really, really hard to analyze this because i have not watched an actual scene or actually heard her talk in her very very pretty accent in two years. I, uh, i need a minute.

-i honestly cannot recall a thing she just said. (i am literally in fucking love) (i’m gonna go back and rewatch the scene and see what I pick up)

-THE----the fucking way she puts her hand back in her pocket

-GOD IM FUCKING GAY

-as for analysis - god that cheeky little smile.

-she’s blunt. is what took me about 75 words to say. this is gonna be a nightmare. (if i torture myself and make myself watch s4 and s5 then I’ll be really sad) (at this point can you imagine what would’ve happened if i had watched her death? I’m remembering exactly how crushed I was)

-OH. YEAH. IN CASE YOU FORGOT? THAT GIRL? THE SNARKY ONE? ON SCREEN RIGHT NOW? SHE’S. FUCKING. DEAD. CANONICALLY SHES DEAD. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

-like just that fact is sending me so hard. i am already so sad. I had like thirty seconds of elation. it’s not FUCKING FAIR

- i need another minute. AND SHE STILL HAS ANOTHER LINE.

-this doesn’t really pertain to the theory but the “loyal, that’s sweet” line has got to mean something. Like something to be said about how connor couldn’t commit to her in s4. (its just so fucking unfair that she’s dead but we really need to move on)

-this also means that ava isn’t entirely loyal? bc she’s looking down on connor for being loyal? I um really don’t have all the info to unpack All of that, but it should be noted.

-DID YOU CONNOR? DID YOU ENJOY WORKING TOGETHER???

-from ava stan perspective: @ connor you like made her life hell, which wasn’t your fault but still. uhh she’s the one that’s dead, you’re not, so obviously one of you enjoyed it a little more. let’s move on.

-i love her.

-haha oh man jack kelloggs back. FUCKING MERC HIS ASS (i don’t hate charles that much and this storyline gave me so much fucking anxiety throughout the ep)

-god jack kelloggs such an asshole

-OKAY BRUH ETHAN AND APRIL HAVE A THING THIS SEASON? jesus this show really moves

-there are a lot of things I could complain about.

-will: “Why’d she do that? Cut her hair. A woman makes a change like that, it’s a big deal.” S4 AVA WHAT DOES IT MEAN

-i can’t believe its the season finale and they have enough time for will to ask maggie why nat cut her hair. this show is the reason I have anxiety. charles is about to get shot and what are you doing

-oh. oh wow. noah and sarah bickering/noah flirting. it’s like, adorable. which i don’t think is really fair. just, sarah’s the best

-I- uh- can’t believe that was the first time I watched an ava scene in years? that was a really big step for me?? god wow.

-god remember how sarah just like, saved robin? yall remember that? REMEMBER WHEN SARAH COULD DO THINGS? there’s a reason i hated this show.

-okay but just like the fact that charles was - content with letting his daughter be holed up in a room for the foreseeable future? when sarah had a perfectly logical answer? who is he trying to undermine here? (and that is why i hate charles)

-sharon: “where’s the daniel who doesn’t give up? doesn’t your own daughter deserve that much?” kind of a reach but if charles really cares about sarah as much as he does, and sharon knows this, the double meaning here is almost impeccable.

-oh hey guys! ava’s back!

-okay this is like super nitpicky but at this point it feels like norma didn’t have the accent down packed and its a little exaggerated and awkward at times but, come on, still love her.

-Ava: “excuse me, you’re an emergency medicine resident, why are we even talking” AVA BEKKER REALLY TAKES NO SURVIVORS (the writers just really weren’t banking on the fans being that attracted to ava) (like i forgot how blunt she was and holy shit. wow. i kinda see where the haters were coming from. its amazing to see how we clawed her back tho [by we i mean the lesbians])

-analytical. That’s what ava is. It’s almost like that thing where people purposefully say something outlandish just to gauge people’s reaction. she doesn’t argue with connor, at least not now. she just looks between him and ethan, sees she’s outnumbered, and walks off. She doesn’t know how the place works yet. she’s testing the waters. - this could be why she slowly gets more and more confrontational as the series progresses. she sees that no matter what, everyone will be on connor’s side. she doesn’t fight a losing battle. but when you’re constantly losing, its frustration. (reminder, these things only hold true in s3. s4 doesn’t exist)

-I’m fucking?? where the hell did jeff go?

-also, oh, this is maggie’s storyline. the guy dies right but he wanted to propose to the girl? wait no that doesn’t seem right...

-yooo its the girl in the gorilla costume. certified iconic. also how the hell did they have enough time for all this crap in the finale. this show fucking moves.

-for like a split second i forgot that noah and april were siblings

-noah’s a sweetie

-oh hey look it’s ava

-knock knock. who’s there? oh boy, point one for ava stans, she’s right about the surgery (potential evidence showing how this is the first scene of connor not being shit/actually being out or equally matched)

-OKAY WOW SARAH GO OFF (she’’s just fantastic i mean look at her. she’s adorable)

-ava: “Why do all the residents in this hospital think they can offer their opinions?” DR BEKKER PLEASE (okay but like i said last ep i had the exact same question. go off ava)

-connor just took control of the case (first instance of ava outright saying ‘i disagree’) (and let me guess, he’s gonna be right in the end because he literally fucking always is)

-if you look at it from a different perspective, ava was necessary. they needed someone to put connor in his place. at least, she tried. (very disappointing that she also had to sleep with him but that’s not the current point) if they wanted to fix his problem of coming off as spoiled, ava gave him a force to fight against, to earn his stars. they could’ve done it better, and actually had him lose a few times. because what does constantly letting connor win do? it undermines ava, it also undermines his attending. his attending who he is constantly having to stick up for. dude. hero complex chill. ava never had a hero complex. which cannot be said for a lot of the people on the show (IF YOU EVEN TRY TO ARGUE THIS POINT IS WRONG I POINT YOU TO THE EPISODE WHERE AVA PUSHED THE CREDIT FOR THE SURGERY ONTO CONNOR WHEN A FAMILY MEMBER WAS HUGGING HER) they did it wrong. they tried to, idk, fix connor by giving him humility, but they kind of completely forgot the humility part. and the part where he learns things. HE EVEN HAS TO STAND UP FOR AVA TO HER OWN MENTOR. LITERALLY? DUDE? FUCKING. CHILL.

-okay but that’s what it is though. ava was always meant to be the villain. because she was always a counter for connor. and connor is the hero. (you may be thinking this goes against my theory because I’m fighting for ava rights, but my actual theory is that ava was never supposed to stay past s3. the only reason she stayed was because she became a fan favorite. she was supposed to take connor’s mayo clinic offer. and you know how it probably would have happened? Connor probably would have gave her the offer. letting him be the hero one last time. [of course, this isn’t what happened. we all know.])

-OKAY FUCK THIS RESIDENT? “good call, Dr. Rhodes” SHUT THE FUCK UP??? (resident speaking rights revoked)

-I have nothing for this but just want to point out how she looks around and says “yes” all contemplative. god if i could just think about what she was thinking

-jack bro stop

-okay. was there ever an active shooter in the hospital when ava was around. bc if there was. i legally need to know

-lmao stoll

-sarah... makes me smile.

-fun fact: we are at about the half way mark. I am so sorry.

-no no no nono. so, robin just got diagnosed and is getting prepped for surgery. Sarah. don’t give charles credit for solving it. stop.

-Hey! yall remember how the best characters on the show only got thirty seconds of onscreen time together? yeah! I’m still mad about it too!

-aww connor being worried. (i think im fine with connor as long as like, ava is no where near. this scene is just very pure)

-when is this guy gonna get shot already

-aww he loves her. i want to kill him. (why? playboy. gets feelings way too quick. stop him. keep him away from ava)

-HAHAHAH okay. robin just got put into surgery and latham and ava are performing it (is it a brain surgery? yes. are they ct surgeons? yes. don’t ask questions) BUT you can see this emotion on ava’s face. she feels sorry for him. it’s up for us to decide if its condescending or she just feels bad for or bc she is on a surgery he wanted, but for the sake of opinion, i’m inclined to say she just felt bad for him (cough empathy cough)

-literally everytime charles is on screen im like when is he gonna get shot

-this scene where both connor and charles admit they were wrong is very nice (hey actually look, connor does have humility! not in front of ava tho so hmm) (sexual tens- literally no, shut the fuck up)

-HAHA HOLY SHIT I FORGOT CONNORS MOM KILLED HERSELF?? HOLY SHIT? THIS FUCKING GUY LITERALLY CANT CATCH A BREAK (maybe take a hint bro? and go far far away? well he did. too little too late ig)

-connor: “i obviously couldn’t save my mom, but I sure as hell didn’t try to save robin” *through cupped hands* HEY! HEY CONNOR! D-DID YOU TRY? WITH AVA? DID YOU TRY? okay literally what is it with this guy and people dying. for such a good surgeon... oh yeah, irony.

-hi sarah! how nice of you to check in with connor and charles about robin!

-sarah: *looks between charles and connor, who have probably agreed on something for the first time since connor got with robin* “everything okay?” literally she’s so sweet my heart.

- sarah: *laughs in disbelief* SARAH STOP MY HEART IS ALREADY FULL

-this man needs to button the top button of his shirt, i do not like that i can see it

-I------ HOLY SHIT?

-WHY DID NO ONE FUCKING WARN ME THAT JOEY WAS STILL ON THE SHOW???

-FUCKING EXCUSE ME???

- the air left lungs on that one again, i was Not expecting that.

-HOLD THE FUCK ON. I JUST WENT OF HIS WIKI AND HE APPEARS IN S4??? FUCKING WHAT??? SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT HE FUCKING DID AND IF IT WAS IMPORTANT

-sarah reese is such a fucking dork she got her boyfriend a rubik’s cube as a gift?? a guy who is so nerdy that he definetly already has like five of them. hmm. things don’t add up. also he’s nerdy enough to give back a gift at the breakup. dude seriously. get some social cues. in like the bargin bin at goodwill. please.

-IF SARAH FUCKING CRIES I SWEAR TO GOD

-oh yeah she’s pregnant. that’s how the story ends.

-okay. natalie comes off as empathetic but like, in the most condescending way.

-like its fucking obvious she’s only ever caring about herself (ava bekker would never. sarah reese would never. get your head out of your ass) (ok wow that aggression came from nowhere lmao)

- i really wanna say something about - Connor: “We all know that love can hurt, but loneliness? that’ll kill you.” have fun with that fic writers. (insert obvious connection to loneliness killing ava? have we had enough? this doesn’t pertain to the theory)

-jesus will at this point stop hesitating at the ‘if we’re wrong, it could kill him’ stage. we all know you don’t care

-how funny would it be if the family just like, disowned that girl

-this will nat and co. love triangle is already so fucking exhausting

-JAY REALLY SAID WILL I AM TAKING NONE OF YOUR BS

-is he really about to break up with her. right now. i swear to fucking god

-this is so fucking stupid (what i would pay for ava to hand him his ass right here right now) (that’s a hc idea right there)

-FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY WILLIAM

-sarah and noah stay adorable

-aww stolllll, my heart

-lmao i forgot the girl who played robin was on once upon a time and i was like ‘ive seen her recently what was it’

-FINALLY HES GONNA FUCKING GET SHOT! HELL YES!

-charles looks high as balls

-the queen returns. she’s back

-IM GONNA FUCKING JUMP OFF A CLIFF

-okay. from the previous ep i mentioned ava’s line being something like ‘you’re quite the gossip magnet, your mother commited suicide, drove your girlfriend crazy, and you murdered your attending.” right?  we all remember that?

-well lads, do we remember connor’s response?

-connor: “...Well you’d better watch yourself, hadn’t you?”

-...

- I-

-hahahah this is not okay.

-AND GOD. JUST THE WAY AVA TAKES IT AND JUST SMILES, ACCEPTING THE CHALLENGE. holy shit. this fucking breaks my heart.

-i like almost can’t even appreciate the easy ending of noah’s grad party.

-oh yeah charles still hasn’t gotten shot.

-god sarah is still adorable. the way she finally relaxes FOR ONCE and lets herself have fun. fun fact: this may be the last time we see sarah just easily enjoying herself. also maybe the first.

- i am officially starting the save ava campaign, anyone who wants to join can. the goal is pretty simple. save ava. save our hearts.

-oh my god is he finally going to get shot?? like what dude come on

Okay. another episode down, the first full one, and what have we learned?

Well, this was Ava’s first episode and we learned how it seems she was doomed from the start. It makes no sense, even just her writing is disconnected from s2 to s3, like how do they do that? This ava lines up so well with s4 ava it’s almost uncanny. if you completely cut out s3 her character arc would make complete sense, in a frighteningly tidy way.

Like I said at the top, the fact that Ava was referenced in the episode description of the season finale is huge. It means she is a big character, ground shaking, almost. I really don’t know why they had to make this introduction at the end of s2 and not the beginning of s3, other than making it fit with the three month time jump that i’m pretty sure starts the season.

The way I see it, Ava had 4 main interactions/points. 1) She called connor loyal (and was blunt about Latham) 2) She remarks that residents shouldn’t have speaking rights (that one’s just funny) and disagrees with connor on the surgery, which they go with connor’s decision because of course they do. granted they switch to her plan midway through) 3) connor takes over her surgery after they disagree on whether or not the patient can be saved. Connor is right. and 4) we have the final ‘I like dangerous men’ interaction.

Let’s focus on the train of Ava vs. Connor disagreements. If we go by my previous statement which was Ava was designed as the villain to Connor’s hero, so the hero could win the favor of the public by defeating the villain, the trajectory of their interactions is not surprising in the slightest.

First, Connor wins the first point bc they initial go with his plan. Then, mid surgery, they have to switch to Ava’s plan, because she was right. This obviously pisses him off, that he was wrong and she was right.  His crown had been knocked askew. But then, he wrestles it back. They disagree on whether or not the patient can be saved, connor takes complete control, and he actually ends up saving him.

It’s interesting that the final disagreement came at the sake of a patient’s life. Ava was quick to dismiss the heart as gone, but Connor fought for it, being the hero. It’s easy to shut Ava down right then and there, call her heartless and call it a day.

if s4 had come immedietely (i have no clue how to spell that) after, it would be completely in character for ava to be a psychopath from what little we’ve seen. And honestly, no one would care. The villain would get her due justice.

Let’s switch gears to the conspiracy theory, or the redemption arc. whichever sounds cooler.

A hero is only as good as their villain. That’s really my argument. At this point, yeah, s4 seems like it was planned, just based on s2.

Okay, so, what? Is that another layer of the theory that I’m adding? that the connor/ava plot of s4 was ACTUALLY supposed to be in s3? I... no. we’ve established that is is very rare for the med writers to plan storylines that far ahead. so what am I saying?

I think that the s4 plot was actually a scrapped plot potentially to be used in s3. and when they were left floundering at the end of s3 for an answer? they retreated. sacrificing character development in the process.

So what the hell happened in s3? A horrible fluke? why was it so different?

in s3 ava became more of a rival and less of a villain. while those words can have very similar meanings, the bulk of it is that neither of them really wanted to be that mean each other, they never went out of their way to stomp on the other (at least that I’m aware of). they just were always forced to work together, naturally leading to friction.

This shift meant all the difference. Connor no longer had to beat Ava. it wasn’t required. as a result, ava was very very slowly allowed to interact with people other than connor. she was allowed to slightly develop.

Why the shift? well, the conspiracy theory suggests it’s because they wanted someone who could follow up connor if he left at the end. IF they were true rivals, each of them should be able to hold their own without each other.

okay yeah, i managed to get like 4k words out of like 5 minutes a screen time and 8 lines. jesus christ.still didnt do my hw tho

next we watch the premiere of s3 and see what happens. thanks for reading

-

read the next parts:

Part 1 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

#i got exactly one (1) hour of sleep last night holy shit #this was so many bad decisions wrapped in one #chicago med #med rewatch series #ava bekker #mine #love hurts