#this is probably not very good but i needed to vent

[subsystems]

hope sending ask is ok rn, i have hard time looking resource. looking for book how to co-exist with independent dissociative parts (have system but not feel safe in saying DID yet). cannot do therapist addressing parts yet but want to cope in daily life. hope can help. or others comment/reblog and give. thank you 🍀

This ask was sent a while ago, I hope you're doing okay now anon. You say you can't talk to a therapist yet but I hope you have someone else in your life who is supportive and you can talk to about these things! You shouldn't have to face this alone.

Even though you don't have therapeutic support, it's still possible to build up communication and cooperation with your parts. I reblog a lot of tips and resources to my coping tag if you want to check that out. Here are some other resources that you might find helpful:

DID/OSDD Self-help Masterlist There are so many resources here, categorized by different topics. You'll find stuff here for both survivors and loved ones, and you don't need to have DID/OSDD to use them!

Beauty After Bruises Blog You'll find so many articles here on coping with daily life as a dissociative survivor. I love how they're written, they feel very approachable and almost calming to read.

Dissociative Living Admittedly, I haven't read many of these articles but the few I've seen have been good. I think their writing is very approachable for people who are new to all of this.

DIS-SOS Lots of advice and informative articles on living with DID here -- in both English and German! I've found some really interesting and unique coping tips here, I definitely recommend it. It's actually because of this blog that I discovered one of my favorite methods of system communication.

CTAD Clinic Youtube Channel A channel run by the director of this clinic which specializes in dissociation and trauma. I've watched probably all of his videos -- they're very good! Lots of the videos provide tools and self-help tips on coping with dissociation & dissociative parts!

Carolyn Spring's Blog You'll find amazing articles here about trauma and dissociation, but do be aware that the author is both a professional and a survivor with DID herself. She isn't afraid to talk about her lived experience, shining a light on the reality of trauma and dissociation which can be confronting but oh-so empowering to read.

System Speak Podcast A podcast run by a DID system. She talks about her own healing journey as well as interviews professionals and dives into the psychology behind trauma and dissociation. Personally, I think the website is a bit hard to navigate but every podcast I've listened to has been extremely informative and relatable!

Self-help books can also be extremely useful if you don't have access to a therapist. You can find a bunch of free downloads here! I would recommend starting with "Got Parts? An Insider's Guide to Managing Life Successfully with Dissociative Identity Disorder" by ATW. Personally, I think this is the best book to start with. It's a bit old and there are some outdated ideas in it, but I think it's a very gentle entry into learning system communication and coping with DID if you have never worked with a therapist.

Some other resources that might be useful:

Strategies for coping with distressing voices

FREE 100 page e-book for trauma survivors

Talk/vent to listeners on this non-crisis support chat line

Apply for a grant to receive financial help or a therapy box -> (Also learn about the Therapy Box Project! If anyone is able to donate, please do!)

- Sunflower

#actuallydid #actuallyosdd #actuallytraumagenic #actuallydissociative #dissociation #complex trauma #resources #DID support #sunflower answers #once again i apologize for how long it takes me to reply to asks

[octochick]

Biggest regret

Cw suicidal thoughts and attempt, blood, ooc

It was raining. Maybe it was surprising, or maybe not. It doesn't really matter.

Bagi's shoes squelched in the mud, dripping with water and blood. She walks, dodging the fallen bodies, white stained with a vivid red and the ashen mud.

She knows what she is looking for. It is right there, laying down in the mud. Dumb ass, that tank top is white, he'll never be able to get the stains out. At least use something darker, stupid head.

She squats next to him. Now, more than ever, she can feel every single raindrop falling on her. It rolls down her face, mixing with her tears, and fall warmly on the cold ground.

"Hey, can you walk?" She asks, shaking him lightly. He clenches his fists, but otherwise doesn't react.

Still, she gets him up. She puts one of his arms around her neck, and hugs his body onto hers. She starts dragging him, at first slowly as she carries the weight of two, but soon after faster, when he gets tired of being dragged.

"What are you doing?"

"You'll get a cold if you stay in the rain. I'm just taking you to somewhere with cover."

A second, just enough for him to comprehend her words, and then she was thrown to the mud, back connecting with a sharp rock with a sharp crack, one of her hands perforated by a knife and the wrist of the opposite hand broken, a silent scream trying to get out. He is over her, eyes maniac, giggles escaping from his lips.

"Why?"

"...I don't want you to get a cold." She answers, like it makes all the sense in the world.

He laughs, cruel and cold, and twists the knife in her hand. A whimper escapes her.

"When I needed you, you went to the other side, but now you come to me like nothing happened? What are you planning? Do you think I'm stupid?"

A small silence is settled over them. She looks at his eyes. Desperation.

"Yeah, a little bit." His knee meets with her shin, but she doesn't feel anything.

"Aren't you afraid of dying? Why did you suddenly decide to play with the monster?"

If possible, her eyes gets even more teary, fat tears rolling down her face and falling into her ears, making everything feel blurry and muffled, the pain dulling into the background from the pain her heart released upon her.

"You are my biggest regret." This somehow manages to surprise him, the emotion passing by in a second before being hidden by a scowl, but before he could talk, Bagi continued. "I love you so much," her voices breaks, and her breath comes out in small bursts. It feels like hyperventilation. "the only thing I want is for you to have a happy and healthy life, but you are my biggest regret."

"Since you disappeared, you are my biggest regret. You don't understand how much I love you, all I want is to see you happy and healthy, but you also don't understand how deep my regret is."

"Since the first day without you, I wanted to forget you, I wished you were never born. I wished I were never born."

"But I love you so much, that I kept searching. No matter how much my regret said that I should give up, I still kept going."

"You don't know how many times I wished to have been a single child. You have no idea how many times I wished I was dead. You have no idea how many times I thought of going to the Federation and asking them to forget everything about myself, to be reborn just like you once were."

"But I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't!"

"Because I love you. I hate it, but I love you."

It was silent. Bagi felt faint, like she would pass out at any moment. She couldn't see what face her brother was making.

"I'm weak. I suffered so much less than you, and I'm so weak. I'm so weak, that I can only beg to my biggest regret."

"Please, kill me. Kill me permanently, kill my regrets and my love, please, kill me and free me from my suffering. I'm weak and can't take it anymore."

Bagi was long hyperventilating, violent sobs wrecking her as she finishes ranting, but just now she closed her eyes.

A moment of suspense, and she felt knife's edge at her throat. She sobs, and her blood drowns her. She feels it in her lungs as they desperately try to work, she feels the rain, she feels her broken spine, she feels her stabbed hand, she feels her broken wrist, and she doesn't feel her brother hovering over her dying body.

The moment her body gives up is the moment she respawns.

And she doesn't feel nothing.

It didn't work. She's still alive. Her love is still alive. Her regret is still alive.

#qsmp #qsmp bagi #qsmp cellbit #bagi #cellbit #shirowritezs #this is probably not very good but i needed to vent #the anxiety was killing me

[smalltimidbean]

I spilt my juice today

#oc: bean #sona tag #this was technically a vent bc today was so overstimulating that I threw up but something about spontaneous combustion is so funny to me #so silly post instead #I did spill my juice tho and I cried about it but I'm okay now #I have also been staring at a blank canvas for about 6 hours and I just needed to draw... something #can you tell I am not having a very good time right now #but I'll be fine probably

[arthur-r]

hello new self portrait just dropped which means this is officially what i look like now

#i have glasses now!!!! i’m not very good at drawing them but i sure have them on my face at all times shdhdf #and i recently started growing out my hair!!!! my distinctive bowl cut had a good run but i’m officially moving forward #i’ve also started exaggerating my big droopy sad eyelashes a LOT in pictures lately it’s part of my core identity now or something #(that’s not true shdhdf but i think my face knew about my puppydog destiny long ago and gave me puppydog eyes) #anyway i just haven’t drew anything in forever like i think i’ve drew four things that weren’t JUST notebook doodling. all this school year #(and one of those was vent art on paper and the other one was coloring with my little sister. so i’ve drew two things on ibispaint at all) #anyway i think my glasses suit me really good and i’m also really excited i can see the world really good now #i still have some vision problems from POTS that aren’t fixed but like. i can see detail in brick walls now and i’m obsessed #house fucker behavior i’m so sorry shdhdhdff (THIS IS A JOKE AND LIE. I DONT FUCK HOUSES) #(and i’m apparently a house m.d. kinnie so i wouldn’t fuck him EITHER cause we’re the same person i could never) #ANYWAYS i can see well finally and that’s good. and in conclusion i’m real tired and should go to bed #i took my meds at 9:30 then started drawing at 10 finished at 11:30 #and now it’s midnight and i’m long overdue to be asleep already. so goodnight world!!!! #i have a sleepover tomorrow night which is very exciting. and also work and homework as usual shdhdf #but in the meantime i get to sleep. for up to 12 hours!!!! here’s hoping #ok anyway!!!! goodnight!!!! #P.S. text or call if you need anything!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later (probably)

[sysig]

Let’s put it all on the line, see who’s victorious (Patreon)

#Doodles #Just Desserts #Villainsona #IRL vent stuff in the tags be warned #I've mentioned offhand that Kaiein is inspired by various sources but overall mostly on one person #And I've been very low contact with that person for years now - but I'm going to meet with them in the near future #I'm nervous as you can imagine haha #But I'd like it infinitely more to have to change Kaiein than to have him reinforced so I'm trying to feel hopeful as well #Either way I'm prepared. Either I get to do some rewriting or I have a very well-worn established outlet #Haha - it's a bit funny actually since there's no one-to-one translation but there is a kind of asymmetrical equivalence going on here #I pretty much never include my family in my sonas' stories - which is double funny since I love being an older sibling so much lol #That aspect rarely makes it into my sonas! I guess I feel like it's not my place to make characters for my loved ones lol #But IRL they're my support system <3 I'm in good hands and I trust them to have my back with what I need to face #And Charm has her wings! The Staff! She has something to rely on that make her more capable and confident! #It's not The Same Thing but it's how it feels ♥ The power of love and friendship!! It makes me stronger!! #And that's what makes the difference between Charm as a villain and a Hero :) #I used her TVAU outfit here - or one of the temps anyway :P - but honestly this is probably how S2 would go down hehe <3 #You're no match for Charm when she knows she's loved!! She'll fight you to full defeat! #I wonder how he'd react #Guess I'll find out real soon #Wish me luck

[tvrningout]

my job sure is testing me this weekend but it’s fine i’m fine

#will i be here like i wanted to be? we’ll see bc i’m fully expecting tomorrow to suck #my manager is super sick and called out today and maybe tomorrow and nobody told me or my coworker 🙃 #and tomorrow we got a bath bomb party that i’ll probably have to run by myself 🙃🙃🙃 #i’m just very irritated bc there’s other stuff going on too and it’s just a big mess #give me strength bc i’m gonna need it… but for now i’m gonna present some nari fc options 💜 #i hope y’all are having good and safe days!! #get ready to ramble | ooc #tw vent

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so there was this pub, the crooked house or the siden house, where im from that was kinda famous for being the "wonkiest pub in britain". its been there since 1765 (it was originally a farmhouse) and let me tell you, the inside was some of the coolest shit ive seen. it was fucking bostin.

but four days ago, it burnt down. now its nothing but rubble, and its being treated as an arson for the investigation.

and just,,, im so gutted. i have that kind of sadness where you feel empty inside because this was our pub. we're an impoverished area and a lot of our country laughs at us for the way we speak, but we're proud of our local culture and history.

honestly the siden house represented us; we're a little wonky bunch with our dialect the most close to old english and banding together like misfits in a movie.

but now its just gone. its one of the few tranklements of our history we get to hold and its just fucking gone, at someones hand. it was probably new developer who just bought it because its the cheapest way to clear a lot.

and i ay even angry at whoever it was, im just sad. as a brit, i hold no pride for my country and the history of it. but i am a proud yam yam, and right now, it just hurts.

#kai rambles #personal #delete later #probably #i just need to vent #because just #i day feel good rn #like ive been to the crooked house and it was so cool and i fucking loved it so much #and it was so unique and it was ours #it just feels like someones took part of my heart away #like i can be proud of my local history because it was the yam yams who dug the canals and mined the coal and built the factories #and transported the coal via canal and built the railroad tracks and built up all our little towns #and obviously there was exploitation happening and you know weve always been a working class area #we got our name the black country from how much dust and coal and steam was in the air round here #theres an entire story where apparently victoria came round in a carriage to visit an area very essential to industrialisation and she #refused to open the curtain on her carriage window because she was so disgusted with us #it was all local folks making the steel and the cars and the chains and the trains and all the rest #obviously we benefited from colonisation like any area of britain but we were also being oppressed and exploited by rich brits ourselves #but so much of our local architecture was built by us and the culture was built by us and the dialect came from us #and the siden house was part of that #and now its simply gone most likely because some fucking clarnet developer decided oh ill do some light arson to cut corners #who cares about our local culture or history? instead you can just laugh at our accents and our dialect and rewatch benefit street! #because weem all backerds roun' here day yow think? eatin faggots and fittle wommucking it down an' gooin to the foot of our stairs? #ar weem right gawbys in yo eyes. goo on gawp at us tek notes if yo want. just doe dither abou' it an' weem haven no more cotter with yow #ye im probably gonna delete this later #i fully just went yam yam slang there #im just upset and a little bit maddened

[daz4i]

while I'm not one for romantic relationships or long term stuff i really do hope i meet someone who makes me feel big emotions again (spongebob getting a piano dropped on him meme. of the positive sort) somewhere. somehow. it's been so long. bc of shitty therapy i conditioned myself into stepping back and never letting myself feel and i just want to know someone who'd be able to make me break this conditioning and return that same amount of emotions too. one more time

#this is why I'm so hung up on it even months later ig. big emotions. MUTUAL big emotions. that felt good #while for me it was mildly euphoric bc it's rare i even *want* to feel this way #it was stressing them out to have those same emotions. so they cut it. but this made me deflate all at once #they made me want to at least try to live 😐 which. you probably already know is a tough thing to do #soooooo crashing this feeling all at once..... well...... didn't end up so well as you can guess #ig the fact i want to feel that way again is a good sign tho lol :/ just. not quite there yet #(wanting to find someone who will make me want to try finding a reason to want to live. that's. a lot of steps) #but it did confirm me one thing and that's that i need to be obsessed with someone to feel good akdkglg #not a good sign either!!!! but!!!! if it's the only way i may as well try it!!!!! #the problem is!!!! i am very bad at getting deeply attached enough to make it last more than like. a week. if i even can at all #i am very bad at love and i am very bad at getting attached or opening up etc etc #and it's hard for me to develop this steadily without an initial spark either which is probably the biggest problem :/ #I'm not good at slow burns. not even a matter of impatience i think i just never reach the result that way #man I'm just rambling now!!!! idk!!!! I'm letting out thoughts!!!!!!!! #do i need to tag this as #vent #???? is it??? idk it's not that depressing compared to my other shit

[medicinemane]

.

#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better #forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood #I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself #by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good #everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice #but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care #not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening #it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me #I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet #and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information #but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived #that's where I'm totally blind #people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking #and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed #and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden #but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters #and I do not #I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to #and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well... #and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this #but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off #not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out #and a scrap of company #but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do #sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past #there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done #I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to #no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to #certainly let them talk about them when they want #...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing

[katyspersonal]

Speaking of "something intimate touched by dirty hands", I'll be real, I kinda do still need someone to "cleanse" image of Mic0lash for me. Ever since the grand fandom rift I've of course fallen onto the better side where fans are trying their best, I just can tell my Mic mutuals are trying their best with the guy. But something so incredibly bad is connected with the character- You guys know how negative experiences with people can ruin a character (and you're in luck if not the whole piece of media)? This character for me is a manifestation that if someone claims to really love and need me, I should keep in mind that it is a lie I should not trust.

I should know by now that when something sounds too good to be true - it IS, but he is like... an "avatar" of that realization. Someone I could just look at at be reminded without the words that yes, I should remember that I'll never be happy or valued like I want to. That my "ability" to see something good even in the darkest people or to listen to the intention of even the most distorted message is reserved for someone else. For something else. I am just not built for things like long friendships, celebrating holidays, exploring the world together, just being loved, just being able to trust, just being cared about, just sharing life with someone. My role in this world is to be a "tutorial enemy". Someone people would have a negative experience with but in exchange, understand who they are and what they really want in life, and let go of their struggles and wishes that tormented them. But I feel like I can only fulfill my purpose in this world for as long as I am ignorant about it. If I stop trusting people and seeking the type of love I need - I won't get attached, so I won't get hurt when people hurt me, so I won't be slain. Because this is what I am in - a videogame enemy that people need to defeat to level up and proceed to their own games. And if I stop respawning - how I can be what I am?

I just should not learn a thing, because people better off after they "murder" me. More cruel and reclused, but better off - more self-sufficient, more confident, more.. secure of how much good they deserve. It would just help them to be more cautious when someone actually toxic appears. Like, someone who is not even self-aware, not struggling and not remorseful. So they won't take chances, to the better.

But I just need to blind myself to the truth, because I've got nothing better to offer to this world than being that "tutorial enemy". People are better after slaying me. I drop Insight points upon being stabbed, and it happened so many times. I guess this character is just cursed with being associated with a truth so horrible that it is better off not realizing it and just be moved like a pawn.

#/vent #personal #i just really need to forget #i'll never know rest and won't be anything but a tool #like i see patterns and i see my role is not a happy one #even when it is not me doing something - i cause collateral effect of the same nature #like... because of the rift that i was the result of my very very very nice and sweet friend had to learn to stand against the bullies #was this a good and useful skill? yes. was it me who attracted the said bullies? YES. #the punchline is that the person that ruined the character for me was probably the only one able to appreciate a place like this in- #-the grand scheme of things #and not just write it down as mad ravings of depressed/traumatized person #i don't believe that the world functions as well and sound as how religious people paint it #if there is truly the purpose to all this then in the end i'll just be discarded like a tool that completed its purpose and now- #-would just otherwise collect the dust #there is no other meaning in my life than to be a step towards someone else's progress and sometimes even happiness #yet i can't just.... trade my life for a different one you know? it's all i can do #i appear in the right time and place and cause chaos past which people are better for one reason or another #most learn how important they are after ditching me. some become kinder if they realize they were cruel to me #but one thing that is certain is that i am just discarded and forgotten to 'respawn' when the need arises again.

[soft-serve-soymilk]

Gaslighting? In MY household? It’s more likely than you think

#sad pav hours #<- ‘tis my new vent tag. filter as needed #just pav things #I have experienced so many levels of Confusion today #I mean most of it just boils down to my dad being a dick for no good reason #what do I even do to him????? I yet again ask him this and he’s like #‘I live with you’. My mere existence causes him misery apparently #He says that I’m unlikeable. I say that people generally enjoy my whimsical disposition or just don’t care and ignore me #or in the case of [redacted] try to pacify me in neurotypical ways that only ended up hurting when I found out #instead of communicating that she didn’t want to be friends. Actually that was what my first vent post on here in 2021 was about #and very ironically it was the reason me and Dolphin became friends (random skribbl game my beloved ^^) #But I digress #Also I’ve already accounted for the fact of my future bosses probably disliking me and some people out there just by virtue of being human #but i’d like to believe I’m generally likeable??? I have so much evidence to prove this that the put-down just ends up confusing #Also the amount of name-calling is insane once you stop filtering it out #I can just casually be called stupid. again without any reason #and then people wonder why I have such low self-esteem sometimes #I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m the family scapegoat. I live with 3 blood relatives who hate me. #Also ffs I’M NOT A FREELOADER!!!! STOP sAYING THAT #I understand the real world will be brutal I see the real effects of the cost-of-living crisis every day #I’m prepared to live frugally to survive so stop saying i will be shook 😭 i’m fuckign ready to leave as soon as I have enough savings #and a place to stay. I’m done here. Except for the dogs I will always love and miss them 😭😭😭

[inakanotori]

friday could be a very wonderful day but nooo i have to deal with the freaking paperwork x.x

#a very personal post #niki is venting on trivial things #the only good thing is that said paperwork is for adding me permanently to the voters' list in this city #so I can save some monies from traveling only for the purpose of vote but ughhh I hate dealing with all this paperwork #especially after last elections when they had to call to the city hall's department because they had problems to find the right list x.x #also fun fact after living there for the past 20 years I literally couldn't find any proof of my residence here XD #so the statement from the owner is needed -.- #I just... ignore me I probably should get off the internet with my anxiety x.x

[possiblytracker]

damn. i really thought i already had the "youre probably never going to see any of your uni friends again after you move out this really and truly is the end of the most vibrant and healthy irl social life youve ever had. and likely will ever have again" breakdown done and shelved but i spent today hanging out with a few friends from my course who are leaving this week to say goodbye and i dont. know how to process it completely. im trying to make the most of everything while im still here but every interaction feels so bittersweet it's genuinely gnawing at me

#vent/ #this is probably not the last time i will have this crisis either. right up til graduation. itll keep happening over and over again #i had a miserable social record all through secondary school im not exaggerating when i say university literally taught me how to #make friends and open up to people in places that werent the internet (or having it pried out of me by more enthusiastic people) #and now its like. ah. right. thats over. where do i go from here. #late june through early august is gonna be completely fine i just need to not lose my mind until then #but after that.. well i am not having a great time thinking about it #living on my own seems miserable but i dont know anyone in This country well enough to make roommate plans #and. well i will stop here before i talk myself into a spiral but man. this is why my social energy is still through the floor #i love my online friends to death but the past few years have taught me everything is so much better with a varied diet as it were #i will not Die if i have to go back to 24/7 discord recluse im very grateful to have good friends in my puter #but god. i will miss Seeing people. very very badly #im sorry i know not responding to messages seems counterproductive rn but. idk i have a lot of wires crossed;; #ill work it out eventually #im the cheetah threatening to go insane in captivity i need someone to put one of those dogs in my enclosure/j

[arsenicflame]

well i think its finally time to open this box

#sorry gang apparently i am incapable of sticking to my word and am continuing to have a personality on main and subject you all #to all of my bullshit #i am doing my best but i am a weak bitch who does not know how to process feelings #so its a fucking miracle im opening this box tbh. ive wavered a lot around this one #this round of thinking is being brought on by the probable imminent break up between me + my gf 🙃👍 #its been on the cards for a hot minute i mean. she hasnt sent me a message since the 8th of march until today and its like a. #we need to talk message so. like im not surprised. ans ive been thinking about it all a lot recently #i dont really want to realise im aro while im with someone so ive been avoiding it but like. ive been thinking. and ive been thinking if we #shouod break up too anyway because like. i get i am so hard to be around. but nothing. for a month. even a silly picture. it hurts dude #but i kinda didn't want to push because. i know i am. me. and a lot. and i know shes got stuff on her plate. but so do i #maybe we're both no good #to be around #nyxtalks #this is very not helpful in my whole. everyone i love leaves me eventually so i should isolate myself and push them all away thing i guess #but i dont think. i want to cling. i dont wanna be that pathetic. #she can do better than me (i cant do better than her) #i mean. idk ive been questioning if im aro anyway so. idk #i dont fucking know #honestly this is gonna be so cringe if this isnt what she wanted to talk about but like. what else could it possibly be i guess #dude i am so sorry if you read this this turned into relationship vent rather than my feelings around aromanticism #those are.complicated enough for their own post and i probably need to talk to some actual aromantic people about that

[arthur-r]

lyrics: i love you loyal like a dog / to breathe your air is quite enough / i follow brightly at your whim / my eyes are wide, i keep a grin / “good boy!” do i deserve a treat? / begging for love, i’m sickly sweet / it’s hard to love a broken dog / better to take advantage of / i’m whining, kicking up the dirt / it’s no secret this doesn’t work / i’m barking, cannot lay to rest / i’m not a lover, i’m just your pest / sincerity is nothing when it’s mangled in my growls and whimpers!! / ferociously in love just means i’m rolling helpless in the dirt!! / if blind obsession’s what you want, i’m burrowed in you like a splinter!! / but if you’re looking for an equal minded partner this is going to hurt!! / cause going through devotion doesnt mean that this is going to work!!

this is a song i wrote almost a week before my partner broke up with me when i thought that i was the problem and that i just don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship. turns out the relationship was not healthy but hey the message of the song still stands shdhdf i get overly attached and embarrass myself and here i wrote a song about it.

#recording this in the dorm on valentines day is so embarrassing people can hear me through the walls #i also did a very weird job of breath control but it’s FINE it’s cause my relationship was strained it’s a METAPHOR actually #anyways i just wanted to share this with my friends how i tend to #songwriting: the sneakiest vent imaginable #(i’m actually being really normal about the breakup though it helps to know that i wrote this song BEFORE he broke up with me. #like yeah it makes sense that the relationship ended. i might be happier now. i’ll be okay shdhdf) #(its also funny to me that i wrote this song when the most embarrassing thing i’d done in the relationship was asking him to HUG me too muc #but that a week later now i’ve ACTUALLY done the fucked up thing the song was about. but like why were you singing this last week arthur #i had not done anything wrong yet. i was being so normal. i was being a good partner. didn’t fuck it up until later shdhdf) #anyways i hope everyone is doing okay. and let me know if you need anything!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later (probably) #music

[dawnofus]

one thing about my new job is that they’re making me do anything and everything they can on the pretense that “it’s a small company and everyone does a bit of everything sometimes” as if my actual job isn’t already a lot most times

#i was hired to do graphic design and marketing (which that in itself are two very different things lmao) #but they’re also making me visit the 26 stores to check that everything is set in place #which i could get bc it involves making sure all the signs and posters are correctly set in place blablabla #and also know to then be in charge or somethings that have to do with the company’s computing system LMAOOOO????? bro wtf #and they’re also making me do a formation course this week as tho i’ll be a barista which okay it’s kinda cool to know this but #everyone keeps telling me it’s probably so i can go up and help in the kitchen and w the coffees when needed which makes sense lmao #amd there are being so many issues (not involving me) these past week and a half and i just kdjdjdd #the two baristas at the store where my office is located have resigned and i liked them sm fjdkkdd #rip anyway #i had to vent good day #ktp #sorry for any typos lol #also like the design and marketing stuff obviously (lol) include photography and social media mangement and video editing and— #man am i in for a ride…