#this is not to say that keefe running away was because of his crush on sophie (it really wasnt) OR that sophie worrying about it

[when-wax-wings-melt]

god i miss when kotlc was about taking down an evil rebel group or coming to terms with being an experiment or trying to fit in when you think you’re more human than what you really are or exploring corruption in a perfect world instead of teenage drama :/

#this is not to say that keefe running away was because of his crush on sophie (it really wasnt) OR that sophie worrying about it #is because she likes him (that's not why) #however. i happen to not care about that when there's. yknow. the neverseen. social experiments that were covered up by the government #new abilities and the struggle that comes with controlling them. #evil fire guy and less evil fire girl he's training and the struggle of that which has been. brushed over #YKNOW. #anyways i miss book 4 and 5 is what im saying. 6 too possibly #summer rambles #kotlc #ask to tag

[fintan-pyren]

I mean, yeah, Keefe has run away only two times, but those two times took up the majority of two books, so I feel like that was pretty significant?

His response to bad situations also seems to typically be escaping them rather than fighting back. Sometimes by physically leaving, sometimes by taking sedatives. I think his refusal to confess his crush on Sophie is also related to that.

(Side note: it's more about running away in a non-literal sense, so the times he literally ran away aren't actually the best examples)

It's not about fleeing responsibility. It's about being scared to face his fears head-on, wanting to choose non-confrontational routes, or being convinced that it's the best way to help others. So I think it's kind of insane to say that he'd abandon his wife and kids because of that, but saying that running away isn't a major part of his character is ridiculous.

#kotlc

[gay-otlc]

Stellarlune Recap

You couldn't get your copy of Stellarlune yet? No worries, my summary will give you all of the relevant details and will definitely not be entirely focused on the gay side characters.

Diversity win! The ogre chemical thing is aromantic!

Gisela is still doing evil things but have you considered; she is very sexy while doing them. Gisela is a milf and I will die on this hill.

Amy! Amy is great. Very glad to see her again.

Obligatory scene where Sophie talks about how she's so much more comfortable when she's not wearing a dress. In a very gender confirming cishet way of course.

Fitz's reaction to Keefe running away was BULLSHIT and I do not accept it as canon. He had to care about his boyfriend- uhh, best friend- leaving and fuck Shannon for not giving us the Keefitz angst we deserved.

The Vacker accent sounds haughty :)

Glimmer is called Little Miss Neverseen now, and I think this means we need a Glimmer/Umber Little Miss Perfect songfic.

Shannon doesn't know how to spell bestie.

Linh and Wylie sibling fight??? Man instead of saying shit like that she should have just hit him with a broom like normal siblings.

Rayni is trans, for no reason other than her name reveal sounded exactly like a coming out scene.

Sophie's description of Rayni is incredibly gay, as expected.

Imagine talking about all the flaws with the matchmaking system and not even acknowledging it's messed up gay elves can't get married? Yeah, Shannon just forgot about queerness ig.

Wylie needs to stop being a council stan >:( please Wylie I know this isn't who you really are-

Pyrokinesis continues to be extremely queer coding- the pyrokinesis ban forces people to deny who they are.

Oralie has trichotillomania! Good to see BFRB rep, less good to see it immediately dismissed as a silly quirk.

Unhinged gardener Fintan! He's so weird and I adore him for it.

Pyrokinesis once again is queer coded. "I have the right to be who I am in the privacy of my own home," okay Fintan. that's gay.

Prentice! No actual thoughts. Head empty. Only Prentice.

Why does it actually sound like Kenric is flirting with Prentice though? He outright asked to be Prentice's partner, I cannot.

I will NOT make a joke about how "keeper and probe" sounds like an innuendo and Kenric called Prentice the most talented keeper while flirting with him. I am NOT. I'm better than that.

I'm extremely normal about the Endal family pre-mind break, I'm not crying, you're crying.

FORK MAN SAID THE TITLE???? You know shit gets real when a character says the title.

For many reasons, Ro deserves to be punched. One of those reasons is invalidating Sophie's trich.

Sophie has alexithymia, it's basically canon. The most honest thing she's ever said is admitting she doesn't know what she's feeling, I am blasting her with my alexithymia laser as we speak.

Also I did enjoy Sophie's "do I have a crush" on Keefe crisis. I honestly found it fascinating from an aromantic perspective.

Sophie is probably on the aro spectrum, by the way. I think allo people usually don't struggle so much with identifying whether or not their feelings are romantic.

Tiergan is "adept at misdirection" because he's closeted. Also he's not that good at misdirection, Sophie is just not very observant.

Sophie's description of Biana is so fucking gay I can't.

Marella reminds Fintan of himself?? Canon?? Time to be insane about their dynamic again.

The sweet and sour chicken monologue >>>

Tiergan has to be Sophie and Fitz's marriage counselor. Rip.

Nobody expects the Cognate Inquisition.

Seriously, why did Shannon call it that. She had to know we would all think of the Spanish Inquisition, right? Or did she... not expect that.

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT LET'S GO (tiertice chapter)

Qualden will never get a happy ending. That sucks ig

Tiergan all but admitted to being in love with Prentice, they were almost cognates, and Sophie had a live slug reaction. 10/10 scene

Tiergan would rather die than hear about the Fitzphie drama. Also he still doesn't understand ship names. Iconic.

Alden... why do you know so much about the rules regarding cognates and dating... did you perhaps want to date your cognate?

Edaline wins all the mom points.

Alden and Quinlin are canonically divorced.

Tiergan canonically wants to marry Prentice.

HOW did Shannon not know what she was doing when she said cognates were like marriage??? How???

Additional training with Marella, Linh, and Maruca you say? That's gay.

Sophie has advised Wylie to fix every problem with the power of homosexuality.

Also, Sophie is trying to break the news to Wylie that his dads are gay for each other.

Dex is bad at picking up when someone is joking or exaggerating. He's neurodivergent your honor.

Keefe... why are you just taking your shirt off for Tam... he wasted NO time with that damn

I want more Keefe and Grady interactions on screen. For. Science.

Chapter 42. I enjoyed it more than I thought. The kiss was... whatever, but their dialogue was very nice and I appreciated the healthy communication. Also the touching foreheads.

Sophie is canonically polyamorous!

"Tiergan held them [Wylie and Prentice] both" I AM GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY I AM SCREAMING SOBBING THROWING UP THEY LOVE EACH OTHER THEY ARE A FAMILY ETC ETC

Tiergan: Well no one in this group ever fucking listens to me so I might as well stay with my husband >:(

Prentice needs a hug. Tiergan is giving him a hug. Love wins.

Sokeefitz can still happen. I refuse to give up hope.

IT/ITs Masteress Elysian. Elysian has the gender of all time.

If my summary somehow wasn't enough for you, you can read Stellarlune for free here. I gave you all the information you need to know though.

#plot? what plot? i only know tiertice #s reads stellarlune #stellarlune spoilers #kotlc stellarlune #kotlc recap

[faggot-friday]

I think the fanon characters are better than the canon ones simply because a lot of them are so problematic and shit

I could use Fitz as an example, but I'm not, because Fitz is trying to change, and also his anger is justified (so fuck you, Keepertok, for saying otherwise).

Keefe is a prime example, because he's portrayed as a better character than he is (and Keepertok thinks he's the Ultimate Supreme, as well). In canon, he's deliberately flirting with Sophie even when she's in a relationship, and it's clear she's uncomfortable with things like that. What the fuck, my dude. And his motivation for everything he does (running away, in both cases), is Sophie. Bestie why. Do you not have a life outside some girl you met a year ago? You have friends, are they not important enough? Of course not, because you and Fitz fell out over Sophie. I forgot. So fanon decided to take Sophie out of the picture, just for a little while, and ask, what would his life be like without her? And then we built on his friendships and other relationships.

And Sophie's a good one too, because she's supposed to be this wonderful perfect character who would sacrifice herself for her friends, and she's still actually kinda selfish. Like, I'm glad she has flaws, but it's a little out of hand. And fanon gives her other flaws, but they take away her Supreme Jealousy, and they give her more of a chance. They let her have crushes other than Fitz, they let her realise that not everything is about her, and that's great! Especially since it's something I'm never gonna see in canon.

And Fintan. Don't even get me fucking started on Fintan. Canon Fintan seems to have no motivation other than "overthrow the council and give pyrokinetics a better life", which is great, but the latter is explored a lot less. He's shown to be someone without anything worth saving. Fanon Fintan has emotions, Fanon Fintan is a better villain, Fanon Fintan wears a stripper uniform and hooked up with Shakespeare.

This post makes no fucking sense. Send

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #tw vent #tw swearing #sophie foster #fitz vacker #keefe sencen #fintan pyren #kotlc crit

[moonlarked]

More incorrect quotes from the quote generator

Wylie: Let's just agree to both say we're sorry on the count of three.

Wylie: One... two... three.

Maruca: ...

Wylie: ...

Wylie: See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

Sophie: Are you a cuddler?

Dex: I'm a machine of death and destruction.

Sophie:

Dex: ...Yeah, I'm a cuddler.

*While the Squad is in a battle*

Dex, trying to warn about the location of an enemy: To the left!

Biana: Take it back now y'all!

Marella: A fistfight CAN be romantic.

Keefe: Hi, who's this? Sophie changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures.

Marella: What's mine?

Keefe: Dwarf.

Marella: THEY'RE SO MEAN, I'M NOT THAT SHORT!

Keefe: Oh, hey Marella.

Marella: FUCK!

Wylie: Are you ready to commit?

Rayni: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Jensi: Where's Sophie, Linh, and Tam?

Biana: They're playing hide and seek.

Jensi: Where?

Biana: I don't think you get how this game works.

Jensi: Why are Sophie and Keefe sitting with their backs to each other?

Tam: They had a fight.

Jensi: Then why are they holding hands?

Tam: They get sad when they fight.

Maruca: Pose as a team because SHIT JUST GOT REAL!

Marella: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name?

Sophie: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though... I don't know.

Marella: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts.

Stina: What? I'm not aggressive!

Marella: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips?

Stina: Survival of the fittest, bitch.

Rayni: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

Sophie: Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey!

Fitz: But I'm a vegan.

Sophie: Wakey Wakey Vegetables and Sadness.

Marella: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??

Dex: What the hell do you do?

Marella: I die? What kinda question...

Linh: I'm never having a debate with Dex again, they literally started their argument with "Riddle me this."

Sophie: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

Fitz: Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they are a certified nerd.

Wylie: Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can’t just say blue because there’s more than one blue.

Fitz: Blue and light blue, nice try nerd.

*Linh and Biana are in a car teetering on the edge of a cliff*

Linh: oh my god, Biana, backwards!

Biana: Really, Linh? I thought I might go forwards into the river, I thought that would be a fun thing to do.

Jensi: Marella's refusing to wear their glasses!

Marella: Jensi, look, I wore the glasses for a day. My eyes are much better now. Watch.

Marella: *points to Dex* Dex.

Marella: *points to Wylie* Wylie.

Marella: *points to Stina* Sasquatch.

Jensi: *eating a cinnamon roll*

Maruca: Cannibalism.

Jensi: *confused chewing noises*

Tam: Why is Keefe crying on the floor?

Stina: They're drunk.

Tam: And?

Stina: They saw a picture of Sophie's spouse.

Tam: But they're Sophie's spouse.

Stina: I know.

Rayni: You remind me of the ocean.

Tam: Because I'm deep and mysterious?

Rayni: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

Linh: You’re alive.

Rayni: No need to sound so disappointed.

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc incorrect quotes

[kindling-of-sorts]

looking for the shapes in the silence

a/n: if you squint hard enough this is the prequel to my kam superpower au that i haven't posted yet,,,, enjoy!

[ao3]

pairing: keefitz

TWs: none

summary:

“I swear that I loved you,” Fitz blurts, words nearly incomprehensible but determined nonetheless. For a moment, Keefe wonders if he’ll crumble. He hesitates a moment longer, and finds himself intact. “I know,” Keefe says, because he does.

Or: Keefe and Fitz are exes and Eternalia's greenhorn superheroes. They go out stargazing with their friends, and talk about their past.

word count: 1.5k

Their eyes meet, and the world does not end. 

Keefe and Fitz pause as the rest of the group stumble out of the van excitedly. The night sky is brilliant and sharp, and half a year ago, it would have reminded them of the other.

They smile at each other, and not at the reflection of themselves in the other’s eyes. If they rip their gaze away quickly enough, the mirror inside is easier to ignore.

Keefe looks away first. It doesn’t feel like victory or defeat, but quiet understanding. Silence is kinder to him, these days.

Biana calls for Fitz’s help on setting up the blankets, and the magic evanesces, if there was any at all. He’s getting better at letting go.

“I’m never trusting any of you ever again,” Stina announces loudly. “Stargazing, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. We literally drove twenty minutes to my backyard.”

“We asked you and you said yes,” Biana calls out, laying down on her back.

“I was playing Candy Crush!”

“No, you were supposed to be doing paperwork.”

“Shut up!”

Sophie sighs wordlessly, head in hands as she pulls Stina and Biana apart. Keefe thinks she might be tired of babysitting in case they start bickering. She’s running on three hours of sleep, which she excitedly told Keefe this morning, much to his chagrin.

“You guys are kind of killing the stargazing vibe right now,” Keefe says, thinly veiling a grin. The city sky is brilliant, but also just as bare as it has been for its very polluted history.

Once everyone settles down, Keefe sees Fitz has been kicked out from Biana’s. Fitz doesn’t fight back, even with Sophie’s equal, if not slightly less, exasperation across his face, though it’s hardly malicious.

Keefe doesn’t hide his smile this time. He’s never stopped being jealous of the Vackers, even after the tense glances and tenser arguments. As one of the rare insiders—if barely—Keefe saw their picture-perfect frame whole, then shattered, and then he realized the fractures were always there.

Still, the jealousy never dissipated. He’s a lot less ashamed of admitting that, now.

Fitz and Biana are a lot happier than they were half a year ago.

He’s proud of them, really. As heroes, as friends, as the closest thing to family he’s ever known.

He’s proud of Fitz. He loves him still.

They never stood together. That’s okay. One day, they will.

Keefe waves Fitz over when he catches him staring. Fitz’s eyes widen, a little, and tilts his head. Keefe recognizes the habit perhaps a moment too quickly.

Yet he doesn’t look away. He shouts, “If you stay there you’re gonna get your ass wet again!”

Fitz huffs, like the huff he always makes when something mildly amuses him. He rolls his eyes, even. Keefe counts it as a win.

Just as Keefe is about to speak again, Fitz stands up and stumbles his way over to Keefe’s blanket. 

“My jeans are already wet,” Fitz almost complains, but his tone is light enough that it sounds like an observation. It’s actually a bit more disconcerting that way. “Biana is ruthless.”

Keefe snorts. “We all know.”

When their laughter fades, they let their friends’ quickly moving attention span entertain them. Their current debate topic is the validity of the artificial cherry flavor. 

“The city’s most promising up-and-coming heroes,” Keefe muses, “arguing over whether cherry flavored Twizzlers actually taste like cherry or not.”

“You would be there waxing poetic about your burning passion for Twizzlers right now if I wasn’t here,” Fitz mutters, head tilted back to observe the spanning, empty night.

“You’re wrong, I hate Twizzlers.” Keefe flashes his teeth unabashedly. “You haven’t left me yet.”

Fitz’s gaze softens, and Keefe might just melt with it. He did, not too long ago, a lifetime before tonight.

“Yeah.” Fitz gulps. “I haven’t.”

The following silence is awkward, but not cruel. It follows, yes, but it doesn’t chase.

They never stopped talking. It’s hard to, when they’re both in every other mission together. Their friends are the same, though that’s kind of inevitable, considering their group is the only heroes around their age.

“Do you remember when we went stargazing in the countryside when we were eight?” Keefe asks. 

Fitz’s expression brightens in recognition. “Of course I do.”

“You were so excited, you fell asleep by the time we could actually see the stars, and I had to wake you up.” Keefe nudges Fitz with his arm. The touch doesn’t spark anymore.

“I lived in Eternalia my entire life and couldn’t leave! Of course I was excited,” Fitz says.

Keefe tilts his head. “You weren’t wrong. It was one of the only interesting things in that town.”

“It’s your hometown.”

“Exactly,” Keefe drawls. “Not my home anymore.”

Fitz offers an indecipherable hum. “It was beautiful. I remember it being beautiful.”

“You went home crying. I think that was, like, a life-altering moment for eight-year-old you.”

Fitz drags his hand across his face, but the sheepish smile is impossible to miss.

“Why do you think I came here today in the first place?”

“Uh, Biana manhandled you across the city?”

“Stina’s house is not across the city.”

“Did I lie?”

Fitz doesn’t dignify that with a response, and shakes his head. That smile hasn’t left. “No, I—I wanted to think, I guess. Just sit down and think.”

“Me too. I guess.” Keefe is at a loss for witty responses. Fitz has a way of making people lose their words.

The reminiscing pauses, and the quiet feels tenser. Keefe fidgets, drawing the blanket closer to himself. He opens his mouth to say something, anything—

“I swear that I loved you,” Fitz blurts, words nearly incomprehensible but determined nonetheless.

For a moment, Keefe wonders if he’ll crumble. He hesitates a moment longer, and finds himself intact.

“I know,” Keefe says, because he does.

“I still think about you.”

At that, Keefe laughs. It sounds more genuine than any he’s shared today. “I know.”

Since they gave up.

Fitz’s eyelashes flutter against his cheek as he studies a particular star, or so Keefe guesses. Keefe is following Fitz’s eyes again. Old habits die hard—but slow.

“I still miss you.” Fitz looks like he musters all of his courage as he fixes his eyes on Keefe’s. There’s resolve in the stare. Strength. Not walls between them.

Keefe opens his mouth, and finds it dry. Still, he speaks. It is the only thing he knows.

“I know.”

“And I know I’ve said it a hundred times, but I’m—I’m sorry.”

The desperate boy in front of Keefe is not Fitzroy Vacker, but something more intimate. Perhaps more than the one he kissed.

He still remembers how Fitz’s lips felt on his own. Everyone marvels over their softness, but Keefe remembers them chapped and trembling.

Keefe has ruined so many secrets. He won’t let this one become one of them.

“You’re an idiot,” Keefe declares, “and I love you.” Now. Present tense. Because it’s true.

Fitz looks at him again. Shit, those eyes. Keefe can’t forget those eyes, burning, hurting, exciting. He doesn’t want to.

“And we’ll be okay.” Keefe grabs Fitz by his shoulders, limbs twisting oddly in the uncomfortable position. “Promise.”

A minute passes, then another, and Keefe has half a mind to start shaking Fitz. He worries he said something wrong. Fuck, did he cross the line? He shouldn’t have—

“I can’t really give you my pinky like this,” Fitz mumbles, and there’s that huff again.

Keefe smiles. “I don’t care. Promise.”

“I promise.” Fitz doesn’t hesitate.

“You’re going to be so good, and I’ll be right there cheering you on,” Keefe says firmly, because it’s easier than, I won’t stare at your back all day anymore, or, I’m sorry I can’t let you go, or, I hope I can love you in a way that matters.

“We’re going to be so good,” Fitz counters, “most promising heroes, and all that.”

“I think I might have heard you say more run-on sentences today than in the past sixteen years.”

Fitz sputters. “You have a way of making people ruin perfectly good grammar.”

“I think you’re just easy to make fun of.”

Fitz laughs, not huffs, vivid and lilting. Keefe breathes, and decides Fitz is the brightest star he could ever gaze at tonight.

“Linh Song, you are a filthy traitor.” Dex seethes, who Keefe finds to be drawing twenty-four. “I cannot believe I ever trusted your innocent act.”

Linh shrugs with a polite smile. Dex continues wallowing as everyone groans and finished their round of Uno. The champion is Linh. Again. For the fourth time in a row.

“Oh, I am going to obliterate everyone,” Keefe says.

“I’m sure you will.”

“You are literally the worst at every board game ever.”

Fitz’s eyes gleam. For all the prim and proper facades he’s managed to plaster, his competitiveness has been left untamed.

“Thank you,” Fitz says, gentle, and the words unsaid are not hidden.

“Me too,” Keefe whispers, and corrects himself: the magic never left.

#river's writing #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc fic #keefitz

[bookwyrminspiration]

Do you think Keefe depends on Sophie so much? He cares so much of the way Sophie thinks of him and idk if feels kinda toxic for Keefe. Honestly toxic isn't the right word. Keefe never gives time for himself and it is quite sad. Everything is revolve around Sophie in his life.

Do you initially think keefe cares about sophie because guilt. Like lady gisele was the one who harm sophie and slowly that guilt becomes love.

What do you think?

Interesting question--I think maybe the word you're looking for is unbalanced or unhealthy, because Keefe's world does revolve almost entirely around Sophie.

There's nothing wrong with a limited number of people in your life you're close with, but he's an extreme. Almost everything he does, he thinks of the impact it will have on her or does it for her. Even when it hurts her or goes behind her back, it's still for her--like his stunt being Mercadir in book six. When he runs away, the only person he wants to say anything to is her. Whenever we see him, even in POVs that aren't Sophie's, she's always brought up. It's like he doesn't exist outside of her and their relationship.

And I do think it's unhealthy. Keefe deserves to exist for himself and in and of himself, not as an attachment to another character. He cannot rely on one person, that's unfair to Sophie, but he doesn't let anyone else in so everything is focused on her. It makes for a kind of dependency that I don't think is a great foundation for a relationship.

As for caring about her, I do think his original caring about Sophie was innocent and a normal crush. I think he saw a cute, talented girl with a penchant for mystery who wasn't afraid to talk back and was drawn to that. Nothing unusual, just a crush. Because I think his feelings predate anything to do with his family or guilt.

But as the series progressed and we learned more and more, I think Sophie became his lifeline. This one piece of calm among the storm that he turned to again and again as everything fell away, leaving only her. It could've been Fitz, but they drifted so it was her. And I think that desperation intensified his crush as this one pure piece of good amongst everything else, putting her on a pedestal he doesn't know how to let go of. Wanting Sophie and loving her is the one thing he has that's stayed consistent.

All that to say that yes, I think Keefe has unhealthy relationships, but I don't necessarily blame him for them. I think he's struggling and doesn't know how to cope, and he's latched on to Sophie. He doesn't want to be unhealthy about it, but he has no example, no one else.

With time that can change and we may see more balance in their future, but right now he's a bit of a hot mess. A lovable one, but a mess

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #keefe sencen #quil's queries #tiramisufluff #it's easy to look at this and go hey >:( you shouldn't do that to sophie >:( #but at the end of the day...he's drowning #and trying to survive #and he's not a bad person for it #i think that's partially why she can never hate keefe #because as mad as she gets. as many times as he fucks up #he's desperate and suffering #i could probably go more into that but! #long post

[crymeariveronceagain]

How do you think keefe would comfort sophie if she had a mental breakdown or panic attack

They were talking about the Neverseen when it happened. Her words picked up speed the way they always did. Keefe didn't notice it.

But he noticed when her thoughts turned dark. Negative. Threatening.

"But if Tam doesn't have the right information then we'll never be able to get through to Glimmer and nothing will get done, and if nothing gets done then we'll never get to try and change anything and the council will be so mad and Grady will have to yell at them and it will get worse and they'll use that ability restrictor on him because he'll make them do what he wants and he will get thrown into exile and Edaline will cry and Mom can't cry and--" Her breathing rasped in her chest, and she cut herself off in the middle of a statement. Keefe's eyes swung from the window to her. "Oh my stars," she hissed, leaning her head against her arm. "Oh my stars," she said, "I can't breathe. I can't--"

Her voice cut off, and Keefe rushed to her side.

"It's all gonna go wrong, it's all gonna go bad, I can't stop--"

Keefe was thinking swear words extremely loudly, but he'd rehearsed this protocol with her before. Anxiety was something she dealt with, that tried to crush her, destroy her in every way it could.

Her head was in her hands and her body was crunching in on itself, her breathing non-existent.

He reached out and gently pulled her hands away from her face. "Deep breaths, love," his voice was calm and steady.

He was glad Sophie wasn't an Empath. There was enough panic radiating off of her as it was. She didn't need his added into it.

He reached out, setting his hands on her arms, holding her in place, gently.

"In for four," he said, inhaling slowly, setting her hand on his chest.

Her breathing was shaky, her hands trembling. But she complied.

"Hold for seven," Her breathing stopped, but he was okay with that this time. She could stop breathing. Just to even it all out.

"Exhale for eight."

Her breath moved too fast, and her hands were still shaky.

"Again," he said, "Slowly."

Her breathing evened out a little more.

"Good job," he said, "Good job, Foster," he kept his hands firm. "Again."

Almost normal, Keefe thought, and relief flooded him.

Her breathing shakily returned to normal, and she looked at the ground as he walked over to the kitchen sink and returned with a cup of water.

She took it, still silent.

The air hung between them like a silent and heavy curtain.

"How do you put up with me?"

Keefe looked up at her. Her eyes were sad and on the ground, and she hadn't taken a drink of any of her water yet. "What do you mean?"

"How do you put up with me? I break down all the time, I trail off in the middle of conversations, I run away and hide from the world, and barely want to let you back in, I can barely breathe right," her eyes got a little frenzied again.

"Take a deep breath," Keefe interjected, calmly.

She complied, almost like she needed the reminder. When her words started coming out again they were rushed, like she needed to say them all at once, "I just don't understand how you're so willing to deal with all of my stupid reactions and bad choices and the way I depend so heavily on you for stupid things like getting me water and re-teaching me how to breathe."

Keefe tilted his head to the side, looking at her.

Her blonde hair hung in waves from being slept on, or rather laid down on, based on the circles under her eyes.

A smile touched his lips.

"I love you," he answered. "And it's not "putting up" with anything. I choose you. And if you're gonna have to re learn how to breathe, today," he smirked at her, and she rolled her eyes, "Then I'm more than happy to be the handsomest breathing teacher you've ever had."

He could feel the doubt radiating off her, but she stuffed it under a lighter feeling.

"Okay," she said, "Okay."

"You don't believe me." It wasn't a question.

She shook her head. "But I'm trying."

Keefe grinned at her, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "That's all I can ask, anyways, Foster. We'll try to believe each other together."

#kotlc #kotlc keefe #keefe sencen #kotlc sophie #sophie foster #sokeefe #kotlc headcanons #kotlc headcanon #kotlc fanfic #kotlc fanfiction #kotlc fic #kotlc thoughts #im writing this very early in the morning and very late at night if it's awful you can say so #thanks for the ask! #tw panic attack #tw anxiety #tw anxiety attack #im not sure the difference #i've never known #real problems i can never tell if it's an early onset panic attack or an anxiety attack #im tagging both to be safe #and btw Sophie gets these so often that it's just like 'we have a protocol we stick to the protocol and when we're properly breathing again #hugs and water and just keep breathing darling'

[squishmallow36]

Keeper of the Lost Prepositions - Thirty-seven

Word count: 2.4k

TW: internalized homophobia. A lot of it.

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @gaslight-gaetkeep-gayboss @kamikothe1and0lny @nyxpixels @florida-floppy-frog @poppinspop @crystallinewalker @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @books-over-boys @rusted-phone-calls @when-wax-wings-melt @cotyledon-tomentosa @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125

A/n: Sorry this one's so late I had to perform Moana Jr. (the summer camp you may have seen me mention) so I didn't get home until like twenty minutes before I posted this.

Also: this chapter is in Fitz's PoV. A good number of the next few will also be in Fitz's pov so I'll probably end up specifying whose pov it is until it's solidly dex pov again :)

On Ao3 or below the cut!

    “Nah. If I leave, you’ll hail Biana again and talk about why you’re hailing for zero-point-zero-zero-one-seven seconds before getting off track.”

    Blanching, Dex stutters, “H-how much did you-did you hear yesterday?” 

    “The majority of it. I didn’t quite hear the beginning…” I admit, quietly.

    He rolls himself into a blanket burrito, head barely visible. 

    I have no clue what I said, but something’s gotten him into full panic mode.

    Trying to fix whatever I did wrong, I try, “I didn’t mean to listen. Biana leaves her door open, and I don’t tell my ears to hear, they just do. Can we just pretend that never happened?”

    I reach for his shaking hand, and he flinches like he’s been shocked by sticking a fork into a wall outlet. 

    Holding back tears, he whispers, “You won’t think of me the same way and I…I won’t be able to forget that you know. You know everything.”

    “Yeah, you like guys. I’m still here. I haven’t run away. I know you can’t control who your heart fixates on—that little preposition can go to Exile. I know you can’t control on whom your heart decides to fixate.”

    Honestly, I don’t really see where the problem is.

    “I’m a guy and my heart’s decided that it wants another guy. That doesn’t bother you? What about Alvar?”

    Alvar’s a bloody wanker that’s what’s the problem.

    “The whole Alvar thing was because he couldn’t go three sentences before bringing it up again and I couldn’t believe that anyone would date that dirtbag willingly.”

    “It didn’t sound that way. It—it really didn’t.”

    I want to give him a hug, but I know he’ll just push me away, and that would be the exact worst thing right now. 

    “Sorry about that. If I’d known—.”

    “Exactly. That's why we can’t just move on like nothing’s changed. Because it has.”

    Dex sniffles, wiping his nose on one of his blankets. 

    “It’s been really nice, you know, actually being friends with you these past few weeks. I’m sorry about ruining that,” I say, knowing that this isn’t going to blow over.

    I don’t know what I broke. But it was definitely something I, stupidly, did.

    “You didn’t ruin it. I did. I’m the one that has a massive crush on you.” 

    My heart stops. 

    Dex has a crush on me? I mean, I guess that’s possible, but I hadn’t considered that. I figured he liked Keefe or something. They have been spending a lot of time together until he, you know, ran away. 

    Through my racing thoughts, all I can think to say is, “Wait, what?”

    He retreats farther into his burrito. 

    I try to dismantle that burrito, so then we can have more of a normal conversation. But he just tangles himself deeper into his blankets.

    “Dex, please,” I beg. 

    “I’m going to stay here for the next century. At least. See you then.”

    “Will you at least talk to me?”

    “What is there to talk about?”

    Something's off, and it’s not his Canadian ‘about’. 

    With a start, I realize he ended a sentence with a preposition. And didn’t immediately fix it. 

    “I don’t know, strategies for Magic, random things you learned on the Internet, the fact that you just ended a sentence in a preposition and didn’t care?”

    “What’s the point? It won’t be the same.”

    “Maybe that’s not such a bad thing.” I hear myself say it, but it’s like I’ve gone into autopilot. But maybe I don’t mind. It’s kinda nice, not having to think. 

    And Dex is kinda cute. 

    It might be something I said, or it might be that he’s given up, but when I try to unwrap his blanket burrito for a second time, he doesn’t fight me. 

    A soft smile tugs at my lips, but I’m not sure how to describe why. 

    I push a strand of his hair behind his ear, and a faint, pleasant tingle of electricity travels up my arm. 

    My hand stops just short of pulling away. Breathing becomes impossible as I cup the side of his face. 

    Something tells me to lean closer, closer, closer, but before I get there I stop. 

    “Maybe change isn’t such a bad thing,” I whisper. 

    I hesitate, lingering, waiting for Dex to close the gap. 

    I don’t want to go too far, too fast. I don’t want to ruin whatever is happening. Not this time. 

    An agonizingly long second passes before he leans forward those last inches and his eyes flutter closed, with their long, blond lashes I’d seen but never noticed before, and presses his lips against mine. 

   His lips are softer than I would have imagined and I forget how to breathe. 

   Time stops and I want to stay here for as long as he’ll let me. 

    My hand, involuntarily, slips towards the back of his neck, pulling him even closer. 

    I feel him smile against my lips, and if I wasn’t already smiling, I would. 

    Then, too soon, much too soon, it’s over. 

    Everything in me is begging for another kiss, another millisecond with his lips pressed against mine. 

    But, somehow, my eyelids open back up to find Dex redder than I’d ever imagined he could be, and it calls attention to my own inferno of a face. 

    He’s smiling, dimples fully out. 

    He starts leaning in for another kiss, and my world crashes down around me.  

    Oh stars, what did I just do?

    What would the matchmakers think? There’s never been a same-sex match in the history of ever. 

    What would my parents think?

    I’m a Vacker for stars’ sake! If I thought a Bad Match would have been such a terrible fate, this is on an entirely different level. 

    And there’s still a part of me that begs for another kiss. 

    “I...I can’t, I can’t,” I whisper, refusing to look at Dex and see his face. 

    Then maybe I won’t be able to tear myself away. 

    Or maybe I don’t want to see the destruction left in my wake. Always left in my wake. 

    I pull out my home crystal, fighting against every emotion racing through my head right now to keep myself from breaking down into tears until I’m alone. 

    When I arrive home, I nearly walk straight into Biana, and I let out a few words I shouldn’t say in order to keep her suspicion to a minimum. I’ve returned home like this a few times after interrogating Alvar. 

    What on Earth did I just do?

    Dex is going to hate me now. 

    I shouldn’t have left. 

    You couldn’t have stayed. You know that. 

    Would it have really been so bad?

    Yes! Of course it would have been! You’ll cheese off Sophie in the process too!

    That was different. 

    How was that different?

    I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I used to think of Sophie like a sister? Or because of those dimples? Or those freckles? Don’t ask me. You think I know?

    Why can’t you go find a nice, uncomplicated girl to go chase after?

    Is ‘after’ a preposition? It feels like a preposition. 

    Who cares about the dam prepositions?

    Don’t you even start about the prepositions. I’m not going to be able to unhear them anyway. 

    Yeah, but eventually you won’t care anymore. 

    Shut up. 

    No, you shut up. 

    How about we all shut up and focus on something else?

    Tired of arguing with myself, I open my eyes, blinking several times to clear my blurry vision, and find a book so I can distract myself by studying. 

    Barely on page three of my Elementalism book I found, Biana starts blasting music. I can feel the vibrations as I lean my head against the wall. 

    It feels familiar, and I almost write it off as some Gnomish song I’ve heard at Havenfield or something before I realize I can pick out some of the words. 

    I’m pretty sure I don’t know anything in Gnomish aside from maybe ‘hello’.

    And that’s debatable. 

    It takes a few more seconds to realize that the song’s in English. 

    I kind of want to say that I must have heard it playing somewhere in the Forbidden Cities, but my brain makes the connection to a different memory. 

    But I wonder what would happen if you say what you wanna say and let the words fall out. Honestly, I wanna see you be brave. With what you wanna say, and let the words fall out. Honestly, I wanna see you be brave.

    “You don’t have to keep babysitting me, you know that, right?” I asked. 

    “Clearly you haven’t met your sister. She’s really worried about you, you know.” Dex replied.

    “I know you have better things to do.” 

    “If you mean working on any gadgets, I’m procrastinating. So, yes, I might have better things to do, but I wouldn’t be doing them regardless of whether or not you’re here.”

    “What kind of gadgets are we talking about?”

    “You ended a sentence in a preposition. No answer for you.”

    “What even is a preposition? Is that even a word?”

    “Of course it’s a word. You’ve been neglecting your grammatical studies. A preposition is a word that begins a prepositional phrase, which acts as an adjective or adverb. Words like ‘up,’ ‘down,’ ‘on,’ and ‘in’ are all examples of prepositions. There’s more than that, but you get the idea. Because they signal the beginning of a prepositional phrase, you can’t end a sentence with them and be grammatically correct.”

    “Sounds fake but okay. What have you been procrastinating?”

    Innocence, your history of silence never did you any good. Did you think it would? Let your words be anything but empty, why don’t you tell them the truth?

    “If you can find a notebook in this mess, there’s a good chance that I’ve scribbled down an idea in there.”

    “Any highlights you’d like to mention?”

    “My current favorite is that I kind of want to build a Roomba so then we won’t have to clean up the triplets’ messes every two seconds. But I’m not sure how viable that option is yet.”

    “That sounds cool. I should let you build it.”

    “There’s no way in Exile I’m doing that today. My fingers hate me from working yesterday. And I’ve disassembled all of that junk because it wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do and I got angry.”

    “Mood,” I replied.

    “I know, right?”

    “That’s me and studying.”

    “I know, especially for alchemy. I have no clue why I’m still in there. Learning from a book is still annoying when you’ve lived it a gadgillion times.”

    “You are? Can you help me with my homework? I know I’m Level Six and you’re Level Four but you probably already know this. We’re studying non-newtonian fluids, as the humans call them, and for some reason it isn’t sinking in.”

    “Preposition,” Dex muttered. “But I guess so. Music or no music? It helps block out the triplet noise for me but I don’t know if that’ll distract you even more.”

    “It’s not going to make it worse,” I shrug. 

    “That’s not the best mindset you could have, but okay. If there’s one thing you remember, it’s that they’re called non-newtonian fluids because they make no sense and want to make life more difficult for you.”

    “I should figure out how to do it to them. Let them see how it feels.”

    Dex laughed, and his dimples tore me out of the memory and back into the present. Or maybe it’s Biana’s music that decided to get louder. I’m still going to blame the dimples. 

    But I wonder what would happen if you say what you wanna say and let the words fall out. Honestly, I wanna see you be brave. With what you wanna say, and let the words fall out. Honestly, I wanna see you be brave.

     To this day, those non-newtonian fluids still haven’t totally sunk in but Dex’s mnemonic devices have helped. More than I want to admit right now. 

     Here’s hoping it won’t be a huge part of my final though. 

    I can’t help thinking that, subliminally, Biana’s trying to tell me to throw away everything I thought my future would be.

     And I’m not sure I’m ready to commit to that much. 

     I know that just because I’m dating someone doesn’t mean that I’ll spend my life with them, but if I go into it not ready to commit, then that’s just going to cause more problems later. 

    My new goal is to cause as few problems as possible. 

    I just wanna see you, I just wanna see you, I just wanna see you, I wanna see you be brave. I just wanna see you, I just wanna see you, I just wanna see you, See you be brave.

    Me too, Biana. Me too. 

    I wish I could be brave and not care about society’s opinion, but that’s just not an option for a Vacker.

    Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a Vacker. 

    Even before the whole Alvar situation, I’ve always had to live up to an unattainable standard. 

    I’ve always been aware of how much of a scandal it was for Dad to marry his three-hundred-first match, so a Bad Match would be a bloody nightmare. 

    And I’ve always wanted to be just like my Dad, but even he isn’t this perfect elf either. As much as a seven-year-old me refuses to admit that. 

    A small voice in the back of my head whispers, What would he think if I were to go and date Dex?

    I don’t really know. I don’t really want to know. 

    I was too scared to tell him about how Alvar’s gay, and now both of his other children are questioning? That’s what I’d call a recipe for disaster. 

    So I guess I’ll figure out how to ignore it. Shouldn’t be impossible. I hid the fact I was going to the Forbidden Cities three times a week during my first few years at Foxfire.

    I can do this. Or I can’t and everything will collapse around me. Lovely. 

    I just wanna see you, I just wanna see you, I just wanna see you. I just wanna see you, I just wanna see you, I just wanna see you.

#detz #kotlc #dex dizznee #fitz vacker #kotlc fanfic #i apologize for what I'm doing to my poor little Dexy

[sophitz]

I’m going to toss my opinion in to the mix if that’s okay, because honestly? I think a big part of Fitz’s hate comes from the difference between his portrayal in the narrative in comparison to Keefe’s, even if they’re both very similar. Like…they both act out because of stress and trauma, right? But, the narrative doesn’t really emphasize that as much for Fitz as it does for Keefe. (Not saying that the narrative never does- just not nearly as much.) WE know that Fitz’s upbringing was probably extremely stressful and traumatizing for him, but how many times is that said in the series, if ever? The only time I’d say the narrative is really ”on his side”, for lack of better words, is when it comes to his stress over Alvar (and in Exile when Alden almost died), but the compassion almost entirely stops there. We, as an audience, know a lot about how Keefe’s experiences negatively affected him. He does bad stuff, yeah, and other characters get mad at him, but there’s always that connection there between his stressors and his actions that the narrative emphasizes. It’s also worth noting that most of Keefe’s bad actions are misguided attempts at helping others (Like how he runs away in Unlocked to try to protect everyone.), which is sort of hammered into the reader each time he does make a mistake. For Fitz, his bad actions tend to be due to stress over what’s happening to him specifically, which is also hammered into the reader through Sophie’s frustrated-inner-monologue half of the time. (Like with the relationship drama in Legacy, for example.) If you just read the series without analyzing it much yourself, you’re likely going to dislike Fitz (unless you project onto/have a crush on him, obviously.) because that’s kind of what the narrative tells you to do, intentionally or not. If anything I just said is actually the case, which it might not be I mean I’m just one person, it could also explain why a lot of younger readers specifically tend to dislike Fitz, since they’re not really thinking as critically about what they’re reading yet. I was going to say more but I’ve already written a lot, which I’m sorry about. I just think the reason behind why Fitz is such a polarizing character is really interesting.

I think you hit it right on the nose, anon. Keefe’s trauma is much more highlighted as a contributor to the plot and as a defining source of his actions. There isn’t much subtlety when it comes to his Tragic Backstory. Gisela and Cassius's A+ parenting is shown so often that readers understand and forgive his rash decisions, whereas Fitz...we don't really get to hear "his side of the story" much anymore. And of course, that's not to say I'm ready to dismiss his poor coping skills entirely (just as I'm not willing to do with Keefe either).

But what younger readers tend to miss is that Fitz's bad decisions are not out of malice becuse they are not always explained on a silver platter in the text. It's so easy to write him off as selfish and narrow-minded in Legacy because of his fixation on Sophie's matchmaking, but I feel like we never addressed his pressure to uphold a several-thousand year family legacy (no pun intended), baring the responsibilites now of eldest son after Alvar effectively disowned them. If there had been more about his struggles with that weight on his shoulders, if he had gotten anything close to the Keefe Sencen Treatment in this last half of the series, his mistakes wouldn't be judged on such a double standard.

I think that's why I'm partial to the strong Alden critics (even though I'm not nearly as harsh on him myself), since they at least draw on that connection between Fitz's upbringing and his outbursts. If more of KOTLC's target audience were able to recognize the intricacies of the story and analyze Fitz past his surface-level actions, there would be a lot more sympathy for him.

#fitz vacker #keefe sencen #legacy #character analysis #thank you for this ask btw! i love when people send their thoughts so well-put like this #asks #keeper of the lost cities

[jazzanddaydreams]

Evidence and reasons to ship Sophiana that literally no one asked for

Disclaimer: I myself am a multi-shipper, so I ship both Sophiana AND Dexiana (and sokeefe of course), but anyway here's my reasoning for Sophiana (no hate to the other ships). This is WAYYYYY overly long and my adhd brain is crying trying to proof-read it so fair warning

1. Representation in this series. Even though I know it probably won't happen with these two, I can still dream. 

2. Both Sophie and Biana are strong independent females who have been sucked (mainly unknowingly) into love triangles in the midst of whatever mess is going on with the Neverseen. 

3. In the beginning of the series, Biana seemed to hate Sophie, but after persuasion from Alden, became friends with Sophie. From there, the two of them have had a couple of rocky moments (Alden's memory break, where she didn't hate Sophie, she just wouldn't talk to her or anyone, which is less harmful of a reaction that Fitz's. Also when Stina reveals that Biana became friends with Sophie initially because of her dad) but overall have been growing into good friends. 

Now for my evidence (be forewarned there's a LOT, but still not all my evidence bc I mainly skimmed through my books I had on hand): 

Book 1: 

Fitz in the first book is shocked when Sophie says she thinks Biana hates her, stating that they're  pretty similar (first book, I don't remember the page number or exact quote). 

 Page 272, in general, when Sophie hands Biana her midterms present, and Biana asks if she's coming over for dinner. After that interaction, both Dex and Maruca (Biana's best friend at the time) are glaring at Sophie. Maruca's reaction can be explained by being best friends and feeling like she's losing Biana (though hmm....), but Dex's reaction is a bit harder to explain, thus my reasoning. Dex at this time has a major crush on Sophie, and yes he hates the Vackers, but that doesn't explain why he's mad at Sophie, unless he feels like he has competition from Biana for Sophie's affections, and is glaring to try and stop her from forgetting he's an option (oh boy my poor child). 

Also just through the rest of this book, when Sophie is having troubles or avoiding her, Biana is actually worried, and cares about her friend, not lashing out at her, just wondering if she's going to come over, and being obviously disappointed when Sophie declines her invitations. "She's right though. Red is definitely your color." 

Book 2: 

Page 567. "'Uh, I've always known that,' Dex said, sitting on her other side. 'But remember? I like weird.' 'Me too,' Biana chimed in." We know later that this statement from Dex was him literally saying that he liked Sophie, but the big thing about this is that Biana agrees immediately after. Before Fitz agrees. This could be read as just friends, but I read it otherwise. 

Book 3: Page 590. Biana is fighting Gisela on Mount Everest, in extreme conditions. Sophie looks at her and is like "Did you know Biana could fight like that?" like she's impressed, and I mean it's very impressive because she's taking down an adult in extreme conditions, but they're in the middle of a fight, and Sophie takes the time to notice and point out Biana's fighting skills. Which seems a little bit ship-y. Later on this page she is written as smiling at imagining Biana fighting Fitz and Keefe and smiling, and then screaming when Biana almost dies, along with Biana's former crush (Keefe) and her brother (Fitz). 

Page 511. Biana literally hides in Magnate Leto's office when Sophie was getting her ability restricting circlet (HIGHLY FORBIDDEN AND DANGEROUS) and watches in silent support. She breaks so many rules doing that, and then to top it off, on this page she says she doesn't "think I could've been that brave." Which is extremely sweet given the circumstances, and knowing just how much she risked going in with Sophie and yet calling Sophie the brave one, it's just very sweet. 

Book 4: 

(Oh boy I love this one there's so much fuel here.) 

 Page 9. "Dex pretended to gag, while Biana stared at Keefe's arm around Sophie." This is generally read as Biana being jealous of Sophie getting Keefe's attention, but it can also be read as Biana being jealous of Keefe being able to get that close to Sophie in that way (and that is how I am choosing to interpret it). 

I would also like to point out that Biana chooses to run away with Sophie to be with the Black Swan. She doesn't have to. She could stay in the Lost Cities and serve her minimal punishment, then get back to her life. But she chooses the dangerous option to BE WITH SOPHIE, which speaks a lot about these two and how their relationship has grown from mutual animosity to ride-or-die friendship. 

Page 31. "'But we're in costume!' Biana argued. 'Yeah, but you guys will stand out. I mean...look at you. You look like models.'" Sophie literally says Biana looks like a model (along with the boys of course, but she's including EVERYONE in her group) (plus she also comments in her head NUMEROUS times that Biana is gorgeous, or pretty, or looks like a princess, and I don't know about you but I don't go around thinking about how gorgeous all my friends look, I mean they're all amazing people but I don't go around thinking "oh wow [friend] looks like a fabulous princess with their on point makeup and effortless looking outfit." It's just a little bit indicative  that Sophie might like Biana as more than just a friend, hidden in the deep reaches of her oblivion at least). 

Also I would just like to point out that on page 38, when the group sees the statue of David, Keefe immediately reacts to it, and Sophie has no immediate gross out factor, she's just like yeah it's art and this dude is naked so what, which I find a bit telling but idk. 

Bonus: Biana finds the fact that the statue is naked a bit disgusting, and is terrified at the thought of running into it, which also seems a bit telling. 

Page 77. aka the page where Biana compliments Sophie's eyes and calls them "striking and unique." 

Page 167, 168, 169. THEY LITERALLY SLEEP IN THE SAME BED TOGETHER TO COMFORT EACH OTHER. BIANA WENT TO SOPHIE'S ROOM FIRST WHEN SHE COULDN'T SLEEP AND IS IN NEED OF COMFORT, EVEN THOUGH HER MOM IS literally within walking distance away. 

Page 168 "The soft sound of Biana's breathing made the room feel warmer"

Page 615 "...especially when she realized Biana was there too. She pulled her soggy hair forward to cover her face. 'It's cold here.' 'It is,' Biana agreed. Sophie couldn't tell if the strain in Biana's voice was exhaustion or something else." This is after Biana and Alvar interrupt Sophie and Keefe basically cuddling in the cold after almost dying. This could be interpreted as Biana being sad that Sophie seems to be choosing Keefe over her, and she's struggling to deal with that. 

*~*

After these moments, Biana kind of fades into the background, along with Dex, until around book 8 (and even then....yes I'm a bit bitter that my girl doesn't get page time), so I'm going to skip ahead. 

Book 8: 

page 135. "...next to her daughter wearing a peacock blue gown with shimmering gold beading that was almost as stunningly beautiful as she was." Reminding you of her constant appeal to Biana's appearance, and also this is after Biana has been MAJORLY scarred, yet Sophie still finds her beautiful and oh look I'm crying now (onto the next!) 

Page 256: "'You okay?' Biana asked, plopping down beside Sophie on the grass and reaching out to brush some of the fallen pinkish, purplish, bluish petals out of Sophie's hair." this kind of thing is generally reserved for Fitz or Keefe, so I was SHOCKED when I read this. She's pulling the 'brushing the person's hair out of their face' ploy and I'm so here for it. 

Also, just Biana's reactions to Sophie dating her brother are a bit odd, as if she is only reluctantly okay with them being together. 

Unlocked (8.5): 

Biana's file: page 76. "Ultimately, though, Biana and Sophie have grown to genuinely respect and admire each other, and are now well and truly friends." This is under the heading explaining that Biana has trouble making friends because of complications with her brother,  and then goes on to mainly explain Biana's friendship with Sophie, which just...points toward the slim possibility of Sophiana. 

I'm not holding out a lot of hope, because I know it's probably not going to become reality, but I do have my reasoning and a decent amount of evidence, and I still can enjoy my ship from afar as the ship wars rage on. Because with these two gals, we could: 

1. Have the possibility of a healthy relationship where neither party is afraid to tell the other something

2. both balance each other out personality-wise

3. they've also gone through some rough spots but in all have retained a steady friendship in which Sophie isn't afraid Biana will betray her or hate her for anything (unlike SOME boys (I'm sorry, I love Keefe it’s just his decisions haven’t been all that great lately)) 

So yeah, tl;dr Biana and Sophie have the possibility of being in a great relationship built on support and trust and I put way too much effort into this

(Part 1 bc I’ll have more evidence eventually)

#this got out of hand #oh well #I love my gay children #gay-otlc #I love that tag #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #shipping #Sophie Foster #Biana Vacker #sophie x biana #these two have quite a bit of shipping fuel ngl #sophiana #kotlc sophie #kotlc biana #kotlc sophiana #this is what I do with my life apparently

[loverofallthingssmart]

he likes boys...

notes: taking a quick little break from trying to figure out how words work for my kotlc collab fic (😩) for this quick little ficlet. <3 everyone say thank you to the amazing, amazing, wonderful, enchanting, talented akki, @i-love-side-characters, for the dialogue prompt (which is in bold) because i went into a frenzy after seeing the prompt and had a LOT of fun with this lmao

(also ask me about tam's debate topic i have so many thoughts on it please please please)

warnings: none!

summary:

“Hey Keefe!”

It’s after school and Tam needs to prep for his debate in class tomorrow. He’s going against Stina and if he doesn’t beat Sophie’s girlfriend, Tam’ll never hear the end of it from both of them during their weekly milkshake nights.

He doesn’t have time for whatever Marella is planning.

“Yes, oh dear, wonderful Marella?” Keefe walks over, wiping the sweat off his brow as he drops in the spot next to Tam. He looks at Tam, smiling slightly and Tam nods in his direction distractedly before turning back to his speech notes.

“Did you know Tam likes you?”

word count: 1251

read it under the cut!

“Hey, Keefe!” Marella’s shout rings across the field where she and Tam are currently sitting on the bleachers. It’s after school and Tam needs to prep for his debate in class tomorrow. He’s going against Stina and if he doesn’t beat Sophie’s girlfriend, Tam’ll never hear the end of it from both of them during their weekly milkshake nights.

He doesn’t have time for whatever Marella is planning.

“Yes, oh dear, wonderful Marella?”

Keefe walks over, wiping the sweat off his brow as he drops in the spot next to Tam. He looks at Tam, smiling slightly and Tam nods in his direction distractedly before turning back to his speech notes.

In contrast to what my companion said, importing a tax on greenhouse gases would solve the issue of pollution faster than just creating methods of transportation to reduce civilian’s carbon footprints---”

“Did you know Tam likes you?” Bang. Tam scrambles up from the floor where he just fell, head ringing as he rushes to cover his best friend’s mouth, smiling sheepishly at Keefe’s bewildered expression.

“Wh--what?” Keefe looks at the both of them. The tone of his voice seems confused, but Tam can see the beginning of a smile forming on his face.

“Oh, yeah, remember that one time you were swimming laps during a meet when we came to cheer you on? I totally saw how Tam wouldn't stop staring at you shirtless. Especially when you came out of the pool all wet and hair dripping and stuff. I mean I don’t see it, you kind of looked like a wet dog to me but that’s just cause I’m a lesbian. He, on the other hand, totally likes you.

“Marella..” Tam warns her, his jaw clenched in embarrassment.

A memory resurfaces in Tam’s mind.

Before dealing with anyone, first, inhale. Then, exhale. Count to 10. Linh’s calm voice echoes in his head.

After counting to 10, if you’re still angry, think of your happy place for a few seconds. And finally, if that doesn’t work you have my full permission to fuck them up.

Tam chuckles at the memory and the horror he felt at the time, hearing his sister curse for the first time, when he's suddenly brought back to reality at the sound of Marella's voice again.

“---like he like likes you. Like he wants to hold your hand and kiss your cheek and hug you and call you his boyfrien---”

“I swear if you open your mouth again—”

“Have fuuuun” Marella croons, standing up and running away from Tam’s death glare into the arms of her awaiting girlfriend.

She tucks her hand into Biana’s back pocket, kissing her on the cheek in lieu of hello as she smiles amusedly at them and after waving goodbye, the both of them leave for Biana’s tennis practice.

Tam feels betrayed. His best friend and his crush’s best friend conspiring against him. What are the odds?

A cough sounds from behind him. Tam turns to see Keefe grinning widely at him. He gestures at Tam to sit next to him and he walks over before plopping down next to him, their knees touching.

“Not a word. Not a single word,” he grumbles. He knows there’s no point when he catches sight of the mischievous glint in his crush’s eyes.

3, 2, 1, And….

“Aww babe, you had a crush on me? That’s so embarrassing.”

There it is.

Keefe smiles crookedly at him and Tam will not blush, no matter how cute the way his boyfriend looks with his face all scrunched up and eyes bright from giddiness.

Keefe gets off the bleachers, stretching his arms out as he waits for his boyfriend. The edge of his shirt rides up and Tam pointedly avoids looking at the small strip of tanned skin peeking out as he packs his things, ignoring the hand held out in front of him and descends down the stairs quickly to avoid the afternoon crowd.

He stops at the bottom and feels Keefe stand behind him, waiting for a response.

Tam purses his lips, “We’re dating, idiot. You’re even the one who confessed to me and asked me to prom. Which is so daring, by the way, like what would you have done if I said no?”

He crosses his arms and turns, leaning his head back against Keefe’s shoulder, eyes closed, soaking up the sun.

Maybe Linh was on to something when she called him a cat,

Arms snake around his waist as Keefe’s head falls on his shoulder. Tam can feel butterfly kisses along his neck as Keefe’s grip around him tightens.

“I love you.”

Tam tries to hide his soft smile, but it’s no use. “That doesn’t answer my question,”

He feels Keefe chuckle along his shoulder.

“ You have to say it back,” he whines, “Otherwise people are going to think you hate me.”

Tam scoffs, “No one will think that, I’ve been obsessed with you and your stupid hair since like middle school.”

“Still,” Keefe’s head lifts up, “Please Bangs Boy? For me?”

He pouts and Tam feels the familiar swell of affection in his heart for this wonderful boy.

He sighs, “I love you too.”

Keefe’s glee is palpable in the air around them. “You do, don’t you?”

Tam’s eyes narrow. He knows that tone….

“You know that’s like kinda cringe of you right?”

Knew it.

Keefe takes his hands away from Tam’s waist, ignoring how he almost makes him fall on the ground and swings their joined hands back and forth as they start to make their way inside.

“I mean the debate king and the swimming champ. Have you heard of a more cliche couple?”

“Uh yeah?”

Tam starts to list names on his fingers, “Sophie’s the school nerd and Stina’s the jock of the school. Dex is also technically a nerd and Fitz is the popular guy. Then there’s Marella who’s dating not only Biana but also my sister so like there’s a numerous amount of cliches in that--”

He’s cut off by Keefe’s chuckle and stops in the middle of the field.

“You really are an oblivious one, aren’t you darling?”

Tam’s heart skips a beat at the term of endearment, “Huh?”

“I was being romantic.”

“Oh.”

Keefe smiles, “Yeah, oh.”

Tam grimaces in apology “I---”

Keefe’s hand darts out to stop his mouth from moving, “Bup bup bup! What did we say about unnecessary apologies?” He raises an eyebrow and Tam stares at him unamused.

“There’s no need for apologies between us.”

Keefe’s eyes crinkle, “Exactly!"

He checks his watch, "Now come on Bangs Boy, it’s almost 6, and Tiergan and Elwin will freak if we’re not in time for joint family dinner.”

He pulls Tam along, running as Tam follows along with him.

Tam grins. He knows soon, in a few hours or so it’ll be time for Keefe to go home so he’ll kiss Tam on the cheek and promise to drive him in the morning before leaving Tam to stay up all night preparing, making sure he’s ready for class tomorrow.

Till then though, he’s with his boyfriend on the way home for dinner with his family. His adoptive dad adores Keefe and Elwin adores him in return. After dinner, they’ll head to Linh’s room so Biana can paint Keefe’s nails while he and Marella braid Linh’s hair.

He’s happy, Tam realizes. He’s so so happy.

And, as he feels the weight of Keefe’s sunshine smile on him, cheeks red from the exhilaration as they race to the parking lot, Tam knows he wouldn’t trade this feeling for the world.

#keefe sencen #tam song #kam #kam fanfic #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #e attempts to words on paper #this was sooooo fun i spent the entire afternoon on it thank you ily akki #2 am ramblings #my post #pushes my marella and tam best friends forever agenda #gives tam all the friends actually #he deserves them <3 #yes the title is the simone battle song i have no idea what to title it shut up okay

[gay-otlc]

Perfect (Keefitz)

Summary: And yet... he can't shake the feeling that, if he wasn't a Vacker, if he wasn't stuck in the cage of perfection... he would love to be with Keefe.

That didn't matter. Whether he likes it or not, Fitz is in his cage of perfection, so he can't want Keefe.

He can't. Because he's perfect.

(Alternatively: 4.5K words of Keefitz angst and about 100 of Keefitz fl*ff)

Trigger warnings: Internalized homophobia, cursing

Words: 4352

(Read on AO3)

Fitz Vacker is perfect.

His friends call him Wonderboy, and that's for a reason. He knows they're making fun of him when they say it, but he can't help but feel the smallest glimmer of pride when he hears the nickname. Maybe a bit more than that. Yes, people are making fun of him for being perfect. That still means they see him as being perfect.

And that's good. That's exactly how he wants it to be.

No, he corrects himself- not how he wants it to be. How it is. People don't just see him as perfect- he is perfect. (Or so he tells himself. But is he, is he really perfect? Or is he just lying, trying to convince himself. Convince everyone else.) Wonderboy is at the top of his class. He's passable at Base Quest and actually quite good at Bramble. Even though his father doesn't approve of the hobby, his talent at baking is undeniable. Every girl at Foxfire is in agreement that he's handsome, with bronze skin, teal eyes, and a smile that makes all of them swoon.

(He doesn't care how many girls like him. He's never liked any of them.)

And Sophie. He's a key member of the Black Swan, and he's Sophie's cognate. They're cognates. And everyone expects them to be a couple.

He's supposed to love her. He can't.

They would be a perfect couple, if only he could feel what he was supposed to.

He can't.

The point is, Fitz is perfect. He's sunshine, blue skies. Flawless. Golden.

Fitz Vacker is perfect. And he can't shake the feeling that perfection is a cage.

---

Keefe Sencen is anything but perfect.

It's obvious from the very moment they meet. Keefe is too loud, too energetic, too obnoxious. He barely pays any attention in his classes and lands in detention every other day. Taking anything seriously seems to be impossible for him. Even his appearance, with messed up hair and the way he "forgets" his cape, reflect on his personality.

Alden disapproves immediately. Keefe would never be a good influence for Fitz, could get him in trouble, damage his reputation. Blah, blah, blah. He does make sense, too; Fitz is a Vacker, and he's the golden boy, so he can only be surrounded by the best. Which likely doesn't include Keefe. But after one conversation with that boy, he finds himself inviting him over to Everglen after school.

After that, they're inseparable, no matter what Alden says.

And Keefe is still far from perfect. He hides everything in jokes and spends too much time obviously crushing on Sophie. (A fact that gives Fitz a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He isn't sure why; maybe it would be weird if two of his best friends started dating?) Keefe's mom is part of the Neverseen and the council banished him to Exillium and he makes reckless decisions.

Odds are, Keefe is a ticking time bomb, and Fitz needs to get away. That's what his brain tells him to do. Then, Keefe tells him Lord Cassius's theory on head and heart emotions, and something clicks. In his head, he wants Keefe gone. In his heart, he needs Keefe to stay.

Shit, he thinks.

Keefe is anything but perfect. He's a hurricane, a natural disaster. Flawed. Broken glass.

Keefe Sencen is anything but perfect. And Fitz cares about Keefe way to much to ever let it come between them. Shit.

---

Fitz nearly dies once, a time most people have forgotten about. He remembers it perfectly.

It's soon after he, Sophie, Dex, Biana, and... Keefe, though Fitz doesn't yet know why he has the ellipses, run away to join the Black Swan in Allavuterre. When they break into Exile to visit Prentice, and the Council comes to stop them. It's the most stupid way to nearly die, but a giant bug stabs Fitz. An arthopleura, eight feet tall and full of poison, stabs him.

And he nearly dies.

Even though he doesn't have a photographic memory, the time plays out perfectly in his mind- everything suddenly aches, he can barely breathe and the world swims before his eyes. His brain feels foggy, clouded by the poison. Through the fog, he can only think of one thing. A name, that he clings to like a lifeline.

And it should be Sophie's name. It should be Sophie's name. He's usually perfect enough to keep control of his thoughts, make sure he wants the right thing and doesn't spend too much time ever longing for the wrong thing.

In his poisoned state, that sort of control is gone, and all he can think of is what he actually wants.

Keefe.

The name echoes in his mind, over and over. When he feels himself only at his last point of consciousness, Keefe's name is still repeating, but he doesn't remember what it means.

Who's Keefe? he thinks.

A memory tickles at the back of his mind. Keefe... he... I... I think I'm in love with him.

He gives into the poison, consciousness gone.

---

When he wakes up, his head still feels foggy and slow. Keefe's name is still there, and it doesn't take long for the rest of Fitz's memories to come slotting into place. I think I'm in love with him.

Where the fuck had that thought come from?

Fitz isn't in love with Keefe. He can't be. He isn't. Fitz is the perfect Vacker, the golden boy. He's going to marry someone on his match list that his father approves of, and then he's going to further the Vacker family name and not dishonor generations of Vackers before him. He'll continue being perfect, something that can't happen if he loves Keefe. Because Keefe is so far from perfect, nothing like anyone those generations of Vackers want him to marry. He's chaotic and disobedient and, well, a boy.

If Fitz is to be perfect, he can't like Keefe.

And he will be perfect.

No, he is.

---

His friends come in, full of concerns and well wishes. Keefe comes in carrying Mr. Snuggles, and thought he's laughing at Fitz, all Fitz can think about is how cute his laugh is, how Keefe hasn't smiled in so long and he's so happy that Keefe is happy. Keefe lights up Fitz's world, and after a bug-induced realization, Fitz notices that Keefe is... well, really hot.

Don't think about that.

Eventually, the rest of his friends leave, and Livvy gives him various elixirs. Della and Biana stay behind, but eventually, Livvy and Della have to talk about something, and he's left alone with Biana.

Biana smirks. "Does Fitzy have a crush?"

His face burns. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Please," she scoffs. "You've been making heart eyes ever since our friends came in. Spill."

"I don't- I'm not-"

"Fitz, you're a terrible liar. Come on, just admit you like Sophie."

Sophie. Yes, he likes Sophie. Sophie is the Moonlark, the most powerful elf; just who the perfect Vacker boy should like. She's pretty, and she's a girl, and she's just as perfect as he is. They're meant to be together.

---

"Yes," he lies. "Fine. I like Sophie. I realized it after almost dying. Happy now?"

"Very."

"But don't... don't tell her." Fitz knows that Sophie has a crush on him; no matter how hard she tries to keep it a secret, it's fairly obvious. He doesn't want her thinking that he likes her, though, because then they'd have to date, and he wouldn't like her. Well, he likes her a lot, but not like that. He likes her enough to not lead her on like that.

Biana gives him a strange look. "You know she likes you, right?"

Shit. Now he has to think of a lie, and as Biana pointed out, he's not good at lying. "I'm... I don't really want a relationship right now. While we're dealing with the Neverseen and all that. I kind of just want to wait, and I'm worried Sophie will take that as I don't like her."

He feels Biana's eyes on him for a long time, but she finally nods. "Makes sense. I'm gonna go... get some sleep, Fitz."

When she leaves, he feels like he can finally exhale. He was nearly caught with a crush on Keefe Sencen, of all people. He managed to lie and divert the attention to Sophie... but that was fucking hard.

It shouldn't be hard. He should forget all about Keefe right now, before he falls in deeper, and like Sophie instead. That's what he has to do, to be perfect again.

And yet... he can't shake the feeling that, if he wasn't a Vacker, if he wasn't stuck in the cage of perfection... he would love to be with Keefe.

That didn't matter. Whether he likes it or not, Fitz is in his cage of perfection, so he can't want Keefe.

He can't. Because he's perfect.

---

As the world continues on, with a mess of Neverseen attacks and near death experiences and drama with their friends, Keefe Sencen never fucking leaves Fitz's head. His stupid smirk and stupid Hair and stupid, stupidly imperfect beauty. He's so stupidly funny and caring and brilliant, and oh, Fitz is so stupidly in love.

It's infuriating.

And yes, he's well aware it's kind of an asshole move, but ever since he recovered from the bug stabbing incident and the feelings for Keefe didn't go away, he's been avoiding him. Every second he spends with Keefe makes him fall even deeper in love. And as he falls deeper in love, he comes closer and closer to falling off his throne.

He can't risk that.

Even strained conversations are difficult. Fitz feels something he can't name, a combination of fury and frustration and love bubbling up in his chest, and he sometimes thinks he'll explode if he doesn't scream it. I'm in love with Keefe. I'm in love with Keefe.

But he can't scream it. So he'll just have to stay away.

Keefe thinks he's jealous, that he and Sophie have something going on, because he thinks Fitz likes Sophie. Fitz is jealous whenever Keefe and Sophie are together, it's true. He wishes he were jealous of Keefe. It's safer to have him believe that. Safer to stay away.

It kills him.

But he can't have both Keefe and perfection, and he's chosen perfection.

---

The perfection he wants (this isn't what he wants, he wants Keefe, he's never wanted this) comes in the form of Sophie Elizabeth Foster and a walk through Everglen. They're discussing matchmaking, dangerous territory- and then the danger becomes real, tipping Fitz into the deep end of a conversation he'd rather avoid.

Sophie starts crying. He's not an idiot; he knows why.

Because she thinks he'll never like her.

(And she's right. He can't like her. He can't like girls.)

Before he can think it through, the words are out of his mouth: "I want it to be you," he blurts. "I want it to be you. On my match list." It's not a lie. He wants her on his match list, and him to be on hers, so they can be matched, and together... and, well, married, as horrifying as that thought is. Married to Sophie. Together for eternity.

(That sounds like a nightmare. He loves her, but not like that. The mere thought of spending eternity together feels like he's already trapped. Caged within perfection.)

He wants to want Sophie like that. And that means he wants her, right?

(He wants Keefe.)

This is what he wants, he reminds himself, as he leans towards her, ready to kiss. He'd never admit it to anyone, but when they're interrupted by Silveny, he's overwhelmingly relieved.

No he isn't.

This is what he wants.

---

He's relieved again when he and Sophie break up. And terrified. She was his safety net, and now, when he falls for Keefe, nothing is going to catch him. Then, he regrets feeling any bit of relief- what kind of boyfriend does that make him?

A gay one.

That's what he is, isn't he? He's not perfect. He's gay. And he thought it would go away. It hasn't. It isn't going to. He's gay, he's gay for Keefe Sencen, and he'll never be perfect. Never be fucking perfect. Unless he pushes the feelings down until he forgets about them. Unless he never tells anyone. Unless he bites his tongue and marries a woman and does everything exactly right. Never slips up. Convinces himself, and everyone else, that he's... normal.

Not just normal.

Perfect.

Fucking perfect.

His plans to repress all Keefe-related emotions fails horribly within a few days. Keefe, the fucking idiot, manages to get himself in a coma, and now Fitz doesn't know whether he'll wake up, and dammit, even ignoring Keefe was better than this. 

He just wants Keefe back, even if it'll be harder to be perfect.

---

The universe rewards him, the time he spends by Keefe's bedside whispering I'll stay away from him, I won't fall in love, I'll forget all about him, if he can stay alive works, or maybe it was just luck. Either way, Keefe is awake.

At first, he has no idea what to feel. Overwhelmingly happy, for one. It's hard to push that down.

He's your best friend. It's normal to feel happy about your best friend not dying. It's fine. This is fine. You're fine.

You're still perfect.

Then, everything spirals very quickly, and it turns out Keefe's mother- shit, Fitz hates her- has managed to ruin everything once again. Fantastic. Now Keefe is scared of himself, and if Fitz is being honest, he's a little scared... but then again, he was always scared of Keefe, wasn't he? Scared of how his laugh made Fitz feel like he'd won a million lusters and how he could be so imperfect yet so wonderful and how sometimes, Fitz thought maybe, it'd be worth it to not be perfect, as long as they could be together.

And scared of how he can't stop thinking about Keefe, so he buys flowers- fucking flowers- and goes to visit him at Elwin's house.

Elwin opens the door. He glances at Fitz, then the flowers, then Fitz again, and smiles knowingly. Fitz wants to shrink into a hole, knowing that Elwin knows- or even suspects- his secret, that he's so far from perfect. Elwin doesn't think of it as a bad thing, though. It's still terrifying. "Keefe is in his room," he says. Fitz nods, not trusting his voice, and walks up the stairs.

---

Keefe opens the door. "Elwin, I said I'd- you're not Elwin."

"Not unless something very confusing just happened, no," Fitz agrees.

"What are you doing here?"

Fitz swallows. "I came to check on you," he says. Then he holds out the flowers. "And to give you these." Keefe stares at the flowers for a long time, long enough to make Fitz extremely uneasy. Oh why did I do this, this was so stupid, Keefe thinks it's stupid, it obviously is, and now Elwin knows, or at least suspects, and maybe Keefe suspects too, and why am I such a fucking idiot? But Keefe takes the flowers eventually.

"Thanks."

The word is clipped, not particularly grateful, but Fitz lets his eyes meet Keefe's and he seems sincere. "No problem." Awkwardly, he shuffles his feet. "How are you?"

"I'm... I'm alright, I guess."

"You guess?"

"I don't really want to talk about it, if that's okay." When Fitz nods, Keefe gives a small smile. "How about you? I heard you and Foster broke up."

Truth be told, Fitz had nearly forgotten about that, which didn't bode well for his whole Yes, I definitely like girls act he was trying to do. "I'm... I think it was the right decision for us. Can I tell you a secret?" he blurts, the last sentence not planned. He hopes Keefe will say no, but of course he says yes, so Fitz swallows. "I don't think I ever liked her, really. I mean, I like her a lot. But not like that. Never like that. I've never liked a girl like that."

Instantly, Fitz regrets specifying a girl, but that was the only way to keep it truthful. Despite that, he regrets not lying as he watches Keefe connect the dots. "You like me, don't you?" Before Fitz can say anything, really even register the question, Keefe continues "It's not bad if you do. In fact, it's good, because I... I like you. A lot. Like that. So it's okay to tell me if you like me. And I promise I won't tell anyone unless you're alright with it."

Fitz nods. Almost in a whisper, he answers "I like you. I... I really like you, so much, so much it physically aches, but Keefe, I can't. You know I can't."

A look Fitz can't quite decipher comes over Keefe, a mixture of pain and anger and joy and... determination. "Tell me if you want me to stop," he whispers, before cupping Fitz's face. Even before their lips touch, Fitz knows it's so unlike the times he and Sophie almost kissed. This time, it feels exactly right.

It feels perfect.

That word, that fucking word, draws Fitz back abruptly away. "I can't," he repeats, taking a step back towards the door. Twists the doorknob. "I can't. I'm sorry, Keefe, but I can't."

Keefe nods. "I know. You have to be perfect." He doesn't sound angry; just resigned.

"I have to be perfect," Fitz agrees, and he leaves.

---

Once again, the world continues on. Keefe slowly begins trusting himself around other people again. Fitz still doesn't trust himself around Keefe. If they're too close for too long, he thinks he might just disregard everything and kiss him again. He thought it was hard before, but after he knows who fucking wonderful it is to kiss Keefe, it's nearly impossible. Keefe is like a drug, and Fitz has to do everything he can not to relapse.

So he stays away.

They fight the Neverseen a few more times. Nearly die once or twice. Elwin basically adopts Keefe. He and Sophie work to rebuild their trust as cognates, but it's hard, because now he's keeping such a big secret.

I never liked you.

I don't like girls.

I'm gay.

I like Keefe.

I kissed Keefe once.

He can't tell her any of that. Can't tell anyone. Keefe is the only person who knows, and even that is far too many people. He has to trust that Keefe won't tell anyone- though Keefe doesn't have as much to lose from it, it can't be good for him either. And Sophie... she's a really good friend, but he still... he can't. He just can't.

Even as their friendship repairs itself, they never date again. He's glad.

And disappointed.

Because he really needs a safety net, now more than ever.

---

Alden convinces him to get a match list, one without Sophie on it. One with a hundred girls, each one of them someone he can never love. Maybe he'll find one he likes well enough. And he can pretend to love her until he's convinced everyone, including himself. A new safety net.

A new mask of perfection.

He throws a Winnowing Gala then, mostly for the food. Unfortunately, he doesn't get to just eat the whole time. He has to dance with people, talk to them, hope to find some sort of spark. It never comes, of course. When he first met Keefe first, he knew that boy would be bad for him, but he couldn't stay away. Every moment talking to him felt like electricity. This is just... dull.

It's nearly torture.

Also, it's what the rest of his life is going to be like.

Fitz already knew perfection was a cage. He chose the cage instead of Keefe. Now he's living with the consequences. This was his choice, and he made his choice, but it's still... so hard. It feels like he's suffocating.

---

"I need some fresh air," he chokes out to the girl he's dancing with now. He can't even remember her name. She's nice, but nothing like Keefe. All of these girls blend together, because none of them are Keefe, and he's too focused on surviving the next few hours to concentrate on any of them.

Without waiting to here her response, he stumbles outside.

"Fitz?" a voice asks. He groans. Keefe. Why did it have to be Keefe?

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"It's nice to see you too. I came to pine as you chose a girl to marry, of course. Didn't expect you to come outside."

Fitz groans, burying his head in his hands. "Sorry to snap at you. I just..."

"You hate this. You hate this so much."

"How do you know?"

"Empath. Also, I know you," Keefe says. Fitz sighs. They fall silent for a long time, but finally, Keefe speaks again. "I still... I can't stop thinking about the kiss. It feels like forever ago, and I still sometimes feel your lips on mine like some sort of phantom. All I can do is think about kissing you again. I really want to kiss you again. I... I really want you." He takes a breath, then resumes, cutting off whatever Fitz was about to say. "But I know. You can't. I understand."

"I... it doesn't feel like I can. At all. But..." Fitz took a deep breath, gesturing at Everglen. "I can't do this either. I can't keep doing this, pretending to be perfect."

Keefe tilted his head to the side. "Fitz?"

"I'm done pretending," Fitz said, and he kissed Keefe once again.

Perfect.

---

When they finally separate, Keefe's ice blue eyes are wide, pupils dilated. "That was... incredible." He touches his fingers to his lips, never taking his eyes off Fitz. Fitz can't see himself, but he's sure he looks just as lovestruck. He's wanted this for years, and finally, finally...

"I want to tell people," Fitz says, his own voice sounding foreign to his ears. He didn't plan to say that, but repeats it. "I want to tell people about... about us."

"You know there's no going back after that," Keefe says, the beautiful smile on his face widening anyway.

Fitz nods. "I know. I don't want to go back. I told you, I'm done pretending."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He pauses. "Unless you don't want to?"

After a quick kiss that makes little fireworks go off in Fitz's head, he smiles again and says "No, I want to. Do you know what you're going to say?" Fitz shakes his head. "Just making it up as you go along. That works. Honestly, the best way to do things. Can I come in with you?" In response, Fitz takes Keefe's hand in his and squeezes it. "Great. Let's go."

With every step Fitz takes, he knows his time being perfect is running out. He's never been happier.

---

"I want to thank you all for coming tonight," Fitz says, waiting for the room to fall silent from the talking and laughing and music. While he waits, his eyes meet Keefe's. His boyfriend's. Keefe smiles, and he gives a tentative smile in return. His stomach flips with anxiety, and doubts of Do I really want to do this? start to creep back in. He briefly closes his eyes and lets the memory of the kiss wash over him, and it's the only thing to get them to go away.

Distantly, he hears a girl whisper-scream "Is he about to propose to someone?"

He clears his throat and continues. "I've really enjoyed getting to speak of all of you and get to know you. Unfortunately..." he swallows. "None of you... my perfect match. There's nothing wrong with any of you, and if I could be attracted to any of you, I would have some good options to choose from. But... I'm not attracted to girls. Any girls. At all."

Behind him, he hears his father hissing "Fitz, what are you doing?"

"Let him finish," his mom murmurs, voice low.

After letting his eyes drift back to Keefe, he takes a deep breath and blurts it out to the entire room. It's been bubbling up in him for so long, with no one knowing, and by tomorrow, everyone in the Lost Cities will know. That's terrifying. But strangely liberating. No more pretending. "I'm gay."

"Fitzroy," his father snaps, instantly. "Stop talking at once."

"No."

"Fitzroy Avery Vacker-"

"No," Fitz repeats, meeting Alden's eyes and ignoring every voice of wisdom telling him to look away. "No. I'm done pretending. And I'm done being perfect. I'm gay, and I'm in love with Keefe, and you're just going to have to fucking deal with that."

---

Without waiting for a response, he turns and walks over to Keefe, collapsing into a hug. "I'm proud of you," he hears in a whisper.

"That was terrifying," he breathes.

"I know. But it's going to be okay."

Fitz tangles his hands in Keefe's stupidly beautiful hair and meets their lips in another earth shattering kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too, Wonderboy."

Things won't ever be perfect again. Alden and Della divorce, and though neither of them says it, Fitz knows it's his fault. Keefe's father is furious, which he knows upsets Keefe even though he lives with Elwin now. Some elves are supportive, and some even come out after Fitz- including Sophie and Biana, who have apparently been dating for months- but other elves whisper about the gay Vacker boy, and how unfortunate it is for the family. The Council has been arguing for months about whether or not Fitz should be allowed to be matched with Keefe. Fighting the Neverseen is still a necessity, and they keep getting hurt.

Things won't ever be perfect again. Fitz won't be "perfect" again.

But it doesn't matter whether he's perfect. He's happy.

#simone types things #keefitz #kotlc #fitz vacker #divorce alden vacker 2021 #cursing tw #internalized homophobia tw #shai's writing

[theunmappedstar]

dorky crimes fitz vacker has canonically committed

yes i classify them as crimes because each time he does shit like this i fall in love

he likes to read books! the first night sophie spent at everglen, she describes waking up the following morning to find fitz curled in an armchair reading a book with some title like 101 Ways To Catch The Wind. this was taught to sophie in her level 2 class only a few chapters later, so that means FITZ ALREADY KNEW HOW TO DO THAT. this dumbass just decided to sit down and READ THAT BOOK FOR FUN

he likes to hold hands so, so much! it's on his mind all the time! when sophie’s enhancing ability was triggered, he slipped his hand into hers and upon feeling the rush, said something similar to, “wow, this is going to make me want to hold your hand even more,” while smiling. b-BITCH?? EXCUSE ME??? I LOVE YOU???

he is scared of looking directly into sophie's eyes for too long because eye contact with her is very intimate and it makes him a fluttery even though he tries to keep his cool! 

he likes dinosaurs and dragons and he owns a fucking sparkly dragon stuffie that he named mr!! fucking!! snuggles!!

he bakes!! he loves baking!! he's GOOD AT BAKING!!

he bakes for his friends just because he wants to see them happy!! he suddenly decides that he needs to make them a treat at 11pm at night because he wants to bring it to them the following morning!!

he sees something in an atlantis shop and it makes him think of his friends!! and he gets it for them!! he gets gifts for them because he sees these things and thinks of them and goes "oh they'd like that"!!!

this DORK did not know what to get his friends originally though so he was a DUMBASS and got them all pens but now he CONSTANTLY TRIES TO PICK OUT PERSONAL ITEMS FOR THEM

he barely had any friends!! he had keefe!! and even then he sat at BIANA'S lunch table with BIANA'S friends because he's AWKWARD

he crushes on sophie WAY AFTER they become friends!!! he crushes on her once he almost DIES and realizes "oh my god i LIKE THIS GIRL. I LIKE THIS GIRL.” HIS OWN NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE MAKES HIM REALIZE HE LOVES HER I-

HE'S a CUDDLER and you CANNOT CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE

keefe LITERALLY SAYS "fitz is a snuggler" AND I AM GOING WITH THE FACT THAT KEEFE KNOWS THAT FROM E X P E R I E N C E

FITZ VACKER HAS WHAT WAS IT TEN PAIRS OF MATCHING PAJAMAS THE ABSOLUTE D U M B A S S E R Y OF ONE BOY I LOVE HIM

HE LIKES TRUST EXERCISES FOR CHRIST'S SAKE

HE LOVES OPENING UP TO SOPHIE

HE LOVES HEARING HER OPEN UP

HE LOVES TRUSTING HER AND GETTING HER TO TRUST HIM AND EARNING THAT TRUST

HIS EYES S P A R K L E D WHEN HE FOUND OUT THEY HAD A CONNECTION STRONG ENOUGH TO HAVE THE POSSIBILITY OF BECOMING COGNATES

HE'S A FAMILY BOY!!! HE LOVES HIS FAMILY SO MUCH!!! HE'D DO ANYTHING FOR THEM!!!! YOU CAN'T TELL ME HE DOESN'T HAVE MOVIE NIGHTS WITH ALDEN AND DELLA SORRY I WANT TO IMAGINE HIM BEING A MOTHER'S BOY AND HE SITS NEXT TO HER AND LEANS HIS HEAD ON HER SHOULDER AND HNNGNGNGNGNGNGNGNN@!N!N!N!N

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN BIANA GOT HURT IN NIGHTFALL AND FITZ DROPPED EVERYTHING TO GO AND FIND HER?? ON THE VERGE OF TEARS??? MY LOVE-

also... this is the boy that was put in charge of his friends while they were running away from the government in Neverseen and he stopped everything to buy them all gelato because he saw how stressed his friends were and thought they needed a pick-me-up—

instead of getting angry (despite it being his coping mechanism) when keefe - his sole best friend since youth - betrayed them and left without a second thought, he broke down and sobbed.

and it doesn’t! stop! there! you can see many more instances like these recorded on my blog! i’m in anguish!

#fitz vacker #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #stan fitz vacker or perish #fitz vacker defense squad

[stardustanddaffodils]

Alternate KotLC Character Arcs: Part 2

Continuation of this post.

Dex:

With Dex, I’ve honestly always thought that the disastrous Dexphie kiss might be a good way to include LGBTQ+ characters (convinces himself he likes Soph because he feels like he should, kisses her and realizes it wasnt really a crush, realizes he convinced himself he liked her bc he couldnt accept the fact that he doesnt like girls that way, and then a journey into self discovery and acceptance from there!). So... this is gonna explore that a bit.

Okay, uhhh. Here we go. This one jumps around a lot, just a warning.

So Dex is that loner kid. No friends, eats lunch in his alchemy session, kinda looked down on because of his family/social status. And then he meets Sophie and he has a friend! For the first time like ever, he has a friend! Aaaaand then he gets kidnapped with his friend. And he gets tortured for his friend. Honestly... I want to see more of how Dex was affected by the kidnapping? He was actually lucid during it... idk, but in canon it seemed like the focus was mostly on Sophie and then they had that one conversation and... just. How was Dex affected? For that matter, how was his family affected?

Anyways. So time goes on and Dex makes the ability restrictor. And he regrets it with all his heart, and they say he’s forgiven, but he’s still insanely guilty for it. He and Sophie do get to have a good talk, though, at some point, where Dex points out how he feels like they’re falling apart and shares his feelings on the restrictor, the kidnapping, everything else, and Sophie listens and they patch things up and he starts to grow past it, slowly. Keefe also helps, after he comes back from the Neverseen they compare mistakes and Dex begins to forgive himself. Tam helps, too, when xe returns from being held hostage and xe and Dex talk about that and compare experiences. Dex also helps Tam work some stuff out.

But the person who helps the most? Probably Elwin. Dex will pop by the healing center and help Elwin make elixirs whenever he’s getting overwhelmed, and focusing on making the elixirs and the textures and sounds and smells and sometimes the feeling of Bullhorn’s fur all helps ground him. Elwin is also a great listening ear and Dex will talk to him about a lot of things that he’d never really tell anyone else. And we’ll just say Elwin is also fairly well-versed in dealing with mental health issues, so Dex comes to lean on him a lot.

Later, Tinker helps a lot too, as does building gadgets. Sprocket is really good at distracting Dex when his thoughts get too overwhelming by trying to dismantle whatever Dex is working on at the time. Tinker proves to be a really good listener, and the quesions they ask in return always lead Dex to trains of thought that help him. And working with gadgets is just so soothing, the way he can almost speak to them, the way he can make them work for him, the way they respond to him, the way that they challenge them, and how they reassure him that he’s helping his friends... even if he’s not around his friends that often and sometimes he wonders if he’s being forgotten.

So between Elwin and Tinker, Dex has two incredible sources of support for dealing with the aftermath of the kidnapping that never seems to go away, as well as whatever other guilt/chaos/trauma/worries he’s dealing with within their friend group.

Still, Dex is kind of alone. Keefe makes time for him, sometimes, but if he’s being honest most of their conversations are frustration about the Neverseen, just Keefe being self deprecating, them talking about pranks and gadgets and trying to pretend that they’re normal, or Keefe talking about Sophie. And okay, sometimes they’re about Dex, too, but also Keefe runs away to the Neverseen twice and gets stuck in the healing center and gets put in a coma and runs away to the forbidden cities and each time, he leaves Dex alone and Dex has no one.

Dex used to have Sophie. Sophie is his first friend and at first everything is amazing and Dex has a friend! But then things change and suddenly they’re less close and she doesn’t have much time for him and he’s a little jealous of all the time she’s spending with Keefe and Wonderboy because why is she including them but not him, aren’t they supposed to be best friends? Or maybe this is just what friendship is like - Dex wouldn’t know.

Since Sophie is Dex’s first friend and Dex had never had a proper friendship before, he assumes he’s crushing on her. Everyone says she’s really pretty, after all, and her brown eyes are really neat, and he does like her a lot and enjoy her company so... it has to be a crush, right? And so he convinces himself of that and finally, finally he confesses to her (sort of) and.... and then she kisses him. And it is nothing like that perfect fairytale kiss that he’s been taught to anticipate. It’s awkward, and clumsy, and weird, and it feels so wrong so wrong so wrong why does it feel so wrong and they pull away and Dex has to admit that there was nothing. And then Sophie goes and he’s alone and his stomach is still twisting from the memory of her lips on his and he still feels so wrong and that’s weird, isn’t it? Because even if there was no spark, it shouldn’t feel this wrong, he shouldn’t feel this messed up because of it.

(I realize this is really similar for the Biana confesses to Keefe thing from the last one but also I had the idea for this one first and it’s a bit more canon compliant so you could also say Biana gets over her crush on Keefe and then starts questioning if it was even a crush in the first place, and then go from there.)

It is then, after Sophie left him reeling and then left, that Dex first entertains the idea that he might be broken. (just for the record he is not, not enjoying kissing or not wanting to kiss a girl or anything does not make you broken but dex still needs to learn that) (also from here there are many ways this could go - dex could be gay or aroace or any sexuality that isn’t attracted to girls, but i’m only exploring one of those for this)

Somewhere along the way, Dex begins spending more time with Linh and Marella and Biana. And it’s nice, because Sophie doesn’t have time for them and Keefe keeps running away and when Tam’s not with the Neverseen xe still isn’t great at opening up and Fitz is dealing with a lot and he keeps pushing himself away.... so somehow, they end up together, training and laughing and talking, and it’s amazing.

The first person to come out to Dex isn’t Marella. It’s Tinker. “What if I told you something about myself?” they wonder one day. “Then I’d listen,” Dex replies, a little caught off guard, and Tinker hesitates for a minute and then blurts, “I’m agender” and it’s not a question so Dex knows that it’s serious. So he stops and he asks what it means because he hasn’t heard that term (his knowledge of the LGBTQ+ community is limited to knowing that the terms lesbian, gay, bi, and trans exist, and vaguely knowing what they mean) and Tinker explains and says that they use they/them pronouns and specifies who Dex is allowed to use those pronouns around because they’re not ready to be out to a lot of people yet.

And then Marella comes out to him and Linh and Biana. And Dex is pretty unfamiliar with the term “pansexual” and Biana didn’t even know it was possible to not be cishet and so Marella and Linh enthusiastically teach them what they can and give them resources to learn more on their own. And Dex goes and he learns and somewhere along the way he finds the term asexual. And then he finds the term aromantic.

And the disastrous kiss with Sophie flashes through his mind and he thinks of just how wrong it felt and oh no oh no oh no oh wait oh no that’s him, isn’t it? He’s aroace. He’s... aroace. He is aroace.

Wow. That’s new.

But Dex doesn’t want to tell anyone because people have scorned him for his parents and they’ve scorned him for his siblings and they’ve scorned him for his grades and he’s been pushed aside by society so many times and he just knows that this will be another instance where people will hurt him and he already deals with enough of that.

Still, it’s a bit of a relief, because he keeps researching what he can from Linh, Marella, and the Black Swan’s limited resources (and maybe part of the reason for that is because he’s hoping to learn that he’s wrong about being aroace) and he learns that maybe he’s not entirely broken. It’s a little hard to believe, but then Marella and Biana tell him and Linh that they’re dating, and one day when they’re talking Tam says that xe’s nonbinary, and Dex feels the ache in his chest somehow dull and worsen simultaneously, but he feels a little more accepting of himself nonetheless.

The first person he tells is Tinker and they give him a hug which is surprising cause they usually don’t enjoy touching but Dex really needs a hug so he’s not complaining. So Tinker remains a quiet source of support.

Surprisingly, the person who really helps him come to terms with himself is Juline. He hasn’t told anyone except for Tinker and Sprocket, but one night she... finds him crying about it, or checks his imparter search history, or he just kinda tells her one day. Cue emotional mother-son moment and Juline coming out to him. Dex is learning to accept himself.

Oh! Shoot! I forgot Juline! Okay so also Dex finds out his mom is Squall at one point, right. And first he’s beating himself up cause how on earth did he not notice that?! And he’s avoiding her because he doesn’t know how to face it and everything that comes with it. He can’t go to his dad, his dad is reeling just as much as he is, if not more. He can’t go to the triplets, they’re too immature and they don’t even know. He can’t go to his friends, they’ll think he’s being silly. He... he had come to rely on his mom, and the one moment he needs her most, she’s the cause of the problem.

Finally, they talk. Juline brings cinnacreme. Dex doesn’t take it. And there’s some shouting, some “how could I not have known?” and “how much of my life was a lie?” and “any other secrets you’re keeping from me?” and “how about when you say you love me? are you lying then, too?” and overall it’s very emotionally fraught and when all that’s said and done and at least partially resolved it comes down to “you knew i was alive. you knew what they were doing to me. and you did nothing” and, well... what was she going to say to that? And then Dex starts crying and he hugs her because sometimes you just need a hug and the only person that you can hug is the person who hurt you so that’s what he does. And then things are strained between them for a while. But eventually, they patch things up. Maybe that’s because they work together on some project for the Black Swan, or in some fight one of them is put in a life or death situation and they realize “hey wait either of us could die anytime and i dont wanna die with my son/mom thinking i hate them”. So that’s... a work in progress. But it happens.

Biana has also started slipping away to the forbidden cities in a quest for knowledge (with the Black Swan’s permission and extra lessons on vanishing etc), and she returns with human books and other resources about the LGBTQ+ community, and they look over them and learn together. Dex learns that he is far less alone than he thought. He learns about all the different types of love and attraction - sexual, romantic, platonic, alterous, queerplatonic, aesthetic, sensual, the list goes on - and he comes to realize that maybe he isn’t broken. (oh, bonus - maybe that’s where Tam learns about neopronouns and realizes that xe/xem fits xem. idk - pretty much nothing in this is well fleshed out)

In the end, with his friend’s help as he learns more, Dex comes to realize that he doesn’t have to be ashamed of his identity. He doesn’t have to feel bad or wrong for not liking kissing and not wanting a typical romantic relationship. In the end, Dex comes to accept himself.

This didn’t really go the way I originally thought it would, but sometimes that’s just what happens. So um, to summarize - Dex is a lonely kid who is all but ditched by his first friend. He’s afraid of gathering even more scorn, especially on a more personal level, and is afraid to accept himself. He convinces himself he has a crush on his best friend because he can’t accept the fact that he just doesn’t like girls - or anyone, really - that way. When that kiss sets things into motion and with the support of his friends and family, Dex comes to learn more about and accept himself.

Might be posting one more sometime between today and tomorrow, we’ll see! (Oh and actually if there’s a character you want me to do one of these for, feel free to send me a message! I make no guarantees, but uhhh... yeah!)

#dex dizznee #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #sophie foster #biana vacker #marella redek #linh song #keefe sencen #tam song #elwin heslege #tinker #juline dizznee #internalized aphobia #tw kidnapping #tw kidnapping mention #tw torture mention #stardusts snippets #thought puddles #alternate kotlc character arcs #please lmk if theres anything else i need to tag #also please tell me if anythings at all offensive and ill change it

[fandomreves]

keith richards - oneshot

TOXIC PART 3  Ⓐ  Ⓕ

Plot: Her and Keith are still together although the relationship has been over for quite sometime.

Request: Is there a chance you’d make a continuation of Keefs fic? I can’t believe how good it is and that I’m asking you to this again but I can’t get enough of your writing! You’re seriously my favourite writer on tumblr. I’m so happy I’ve found your blog. I’ll ask again but nicer this time. Will you, when you have time and want to of course, write continuation of Keith’s shot? Thank you in advance, for whatever your decision will be. I know I’ll stay here for a long time. Best wishes beautiful dove 🤍

A/N: I’m back ya’ll!

That night Keith felt like his world had been flipped upside down, he had no idea what was going to happen later at dinner, he didn’t even know what had happened earlier in the day with you, but he didn’t regret a single thing, he whole mood had been shifted and it was noticeable, he had a sudden glow. 

He felt nervous, and excited, and anxious; he desperately wanted to fix his relationship with you, the toxicity had to be over, and he was determined to put an end to it, and that could either mean you and him were in it for the long run again, or you and him parted ways, and he was hoping you and him fixed your issues and stayed together. 

In your head, everything was spinning. And like Keith, you were feeling all of the emotions, you were ready to address the elephant in the room, come clean about your lovers and emotions, your thoughts, your concerns, you were ready to set everything straight, hoping he would do the same thing, come clean and let you into his world, his head; and from there fix the bond that had been broken and betrayed, or officially end it, part your ways and do your own thing separately. 

The Stones weren’t playing a show that night, they had some press around town, some appearances to make during the day; so the night was clear for both of you to take as much time you needed to talk everything out. 

And so you after changing a thousand times, doing your hair a million different ways, you left the hotel room, Keith had called you during the day to let you know about the reservation he had made, the address of the restaurant and the time, so that’s exactly where you went. 

Keith was waiting for you to show up, his nervousness and anxiety convinced him to show up almost twenty minutes before hand, his hands were sweaty, he kept on ordering water, looking through the windows, the doors, just hoping to see you pass by or walk in, wanting to read you face to try and mentally prepare for what could happen. 

When he saw you walk in he could see a glow around you, you were beautiful, he couldn’t help but stare, and in your face he could tell that just like him, you were reading trying to read him, trying to see what he looked like to try and prepare. 

“Hi, how are you? How was today?”

You were the first to speak, and you did as you sat down, settling down and putting your purse away, giving him a small smile. 

“Hey, I’m good, today was good, everything went by very quickly. How are you?”

He smiled back at you, he could feel the energy between you and him had changed. Before every time you and him were in the same room he felt like the air had been cut short, like there was some pressure on his chest filled with many different emotions; and for the first time in what felt like ages, there was no pressure, no heaviness, even the nervousness he felt was gone. 

And it was the same thing for you, you and Keith were on the same page, finally. You were ready to talk it out, and what was unbelievable for you, was the fact that it all seemed so peaceful. 

So after some small talk, and ordering you food, Keith spoke first. 

“So, I’m aware I’ve fucked up multiple times, we both have, it’s been almost a year since you and I haven’t been the same with each other, and I will take the initial blame. I was under a lot of pressure, and although it’s not an excuse, that’s not what I’m trying to do, justify myself or my actions, I just didn’t know how to take it, and it was pressure from the band, from managers, producers, and instead of letting you in I pushed and pushed, and turned you into this ghost in my life, someone I didn’t want to let go off, and I just want to set everything out there, because I haven’t been my best self, I have been disloyal, and I have been rude and just not good towards you, and I am sorry, but if you are willing to, I want to fix everything, learn from all of our mistakes and really make this work” 

You didn’t expect him to say all that, you hadn’t heard him be this type of honest in a while now. He never denied cheating, he never tried to hide it, and you never tried either, there was just no point in hiding something everyone knew. The scene was just too close and gossip flew by, you knew Keith was fucking groupies before he even came, and Keith knew you were fucking his rockstar friends before you even made it to the taxi on the way to theit hotel or house. 

¨I think we both fucked up, is not a you did this first of I did type of situation. We knew what the other was doing and just continued to hurt each other more and more by not ending our relationship first. Being completely honest, I’m not sure what I want anymore, ever since you asked me when I stopped loving you I’ve been thinking about it, because I don’t know if I stopped loving you.” 

Your chest was tight and your eyes were glued to the table as you spoke, expressing how you felt to Keith turned out to be harder than you thought. On the other hand, he took a deep breath, he didn’t know what that meant exactly, but his heart felt like someone was holding it and crushing it. He was sure that this was it for the two of you, that he would have to go back home and be met with none of your belongings in your shared house. 

Instead you continued talking, “I do want to figure it out though, I don’t want to just end it with you and then regret it later on, not knowing what would’ve happened if we didn’t try to fix us. I’m willing to give it a try, let’s start over, forget about how we fucked up before. Let’s get to know each other again” 

He smiled and his eyes watered, he was so emotional lately, and so were you. He reached out to take your hands in his through the table, smiling at you. 

“Just the two of us” he said. 

“Just the two of us” you said. 

And just then, your food arrived, making you pull your hands from his. Relieved washed all over him, and butterflies grew in your stomach, you were anxious for the future, but in a good way, maybe there was sunshine after the storm.

#the rolling stones #the rolling stones oneshot #the rolling stones imagine #keith richards #keith richards oneshot #keith richards imagine