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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1990 Review: Still Possesses Turtle Power After All These Years

Cowabunga all you happy people! I freaking love the Teenage Ninja Turtles. I grew up with it from Turtles in Time, which was my first video game, to the 2003 cartoon, which I covered the first three episodes of last month, and on to present day as I re-read the idw comics after finally reading the original eastman and laird run of mirage, and impatiently waiting for Shredder’s Revenge to come out after a LONG drout of no good TMNT games. I”m a fan of these heroes four, their dynamic as a family, the endless possiblities that come from it’s long history and ablitlity to go anywhere in any genre, and the wonderful goofy shit that happens when you have a franchise about mutant turtles learning ninjitsu from a rat and fighting a dude covered in knife covered samurai armor.

So with me finally covering the guys after almost a year last month and with a new movie set to debut at some point this year, I had the bright idea to revisit the FIRST TMNT movie after way too many years of not watching it. This movie is anear and dear to my heart: When I first started getting into the boys big as a kid with the 2003 cartoon, I badly wanted more turtles. But back then it wasn’t nearly as easy to glom onto some more of the sewer shock pizza kings: Streaming sites with all the cartoons on them weren’t all that accesable, dvd’s were expensive for the 87 cartoon, Mirage wasn’t reprinting the comics in any meaningful way and my local comic shop didn’t have any at all and I could only play the SNES when my brother had it set up on occasion like at our Grandma’s farm.

As you probably guessed though there was one exception: the original 1990 movie, which I got at Walmart for 5 bucks and haven’t let go of since. It was one of my first dvds and is still one of my most precious. Said film hit the spot just right as like my beloved 2003 series, it was a mildly goofy but still fucking cool adaptation that stuck closer to the mirage comics, even more than the 2003 series would, while taking a few queues from the 87 series. This film is as precious to me as the 2003 series and a with a brand new movie coming up, I figured it was the exact right time to dig into this classic: what makes it still good to this day, what’s fun to point and laugh at, and how the heck Jim Henson got involved in this. So join me under the cut as I take a look at my boys first theatrical outing and why I still love watching a turtle.

No One Wanted To Make This: Before we get into the film itself some background. As usual I struggled a bit, but thankfully found some help in the form of this Hollywood Reporter article. It’s a fascinating read worth your time, providing an oral history of the film from the people who worked on it.

The film was the baby of Gary Propper, a surfer dude and road manager for the prop comic Gallagher, aka that guy who used to smash watermelons but now has instead opted to smash what little’s left of his career by being a homophobic douchenozzle. He found an ally in Showtime producer Kim Dawson who’d produced Gallagher’s special. I don’t think there will be more of an 80′s sentence than “Gallagher’s surfer dude agent wanted to make a teenage mutant ninja turtles movie”. Propper was a huge fan of the comics, and with Dawson’s help convinced Laird and Eastman to let them option it to studios.

It may come as a shock to you but the road agent for a homophobic watermelon man and a producer at a niche cable channel wanting to make a movie based on an underground comic book about masked turtles at a time when the two most recent comic book movies were Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and Howard the Duck, did not go well. Every door in Hollywood got slammed in their face, even Fox> Even the eventual backer of the film, Golden Harvest, a hong kong action film studio, took months to convince to actually back the film.

Things did not get easier from there: The films writer Bobby Herbeck had trouble getting a story agreed on because Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s working relationship had deteroiated horribly from the stress so naturally the two could not agree on a damn thing and argued with each other. Peter Laird made a tense siutation even worse by constnatly sniping at Herbeck and feeling he was a “Hollywood outsider infringing on his vision and characters”

Granted the script was apparently not great... but Pete still comes off as a pretnetious ass who views his weird indie comic as THE HIGHEST OF HIGH CALLINGS HOW DARE YOU SOIL IT. And continued to be kind of a prick like this throughout the rest of his time with the property.

Thankfully the film found i’ts voice, vision and director in Steve Barron. Barron was a music video guy who knew the producers and while reluctant, eventually dove into the project rightfully thinking the film would need to be a mix of the mirage comics and 87 cartoon, keeping aprils’ reporter job, the turtles lvoe of pizza and their iconic color coding from the cartoon but adapting several stories from the comics as the backbone of the film. The guys liked barron MUCH better and things ran smoother.

Barron also brought in one of the film’s biggest selling points and it’s most valuable asset: it’s triumphantly awesome Jim Henson costumes. Barron had worked with good old Jim on the music videos for Labyrinth, and while it took some convincing since the comics were violent as hell and that wasn’t Jim’s style, Barron eventually got him on board. This naturally doubled the budget, but given Henson’s costumes STILL hold up today and look better than the cgi used in the platinum dunes films... it was a good call. And this was brand new tech for jim, having to invent tons of new ideas and mechanisms just to make the things work, and said things still were absolute hell on the actors. Jim later ended up not liking the film for being too violent... which I find hilarious given how many muppets got eaten or blowed up real good on his show but regardless, I thank this legendary and wonderful man as without him this film WOULD NOT have worked. The costumes here look great, feel realistic, and you can’t tell the actors were dubbed much less horribly suffering in those suits. Much like Disney Land.

The film would get picked up for distribution by New Line, and despite i’ts weird as hell origins and the long shot it had.. the film was a MASSIVE hit at the box office, owing to a combination of Batman 89 the previous year having proved comic book movies can work for audiences, the cartoon’s runaway sucess, and a massive marketing campaign. The film made it’s mark. So now we know how we got here let’s get into the film itself.

What’s the Story Morning Glory?:

So the story for this one is largely cobbled together from some of the more notable arcs Eastman and Laird did before handing off the book to others full time as the stress of the company and the mounting tension with each other made it near impossible to work together on the book itself.

To Save time i’m just going through what hte movie takes from the comics plot wise now to save me the trouble later:The movie takes elements from the first issue (The Turtles, Splinter and Shredder’s backstories, Shredder being fully human and the main antagonist, Shredder’s design and the final rooftop showdown that results in Shredder’s death), second and third, (April’s apartment over her dad’s old store and the turtles moving in when their home is ransacked and splinter has gone missing), the rapheal micro series (A tounge in cheek way of cashing in on the Mini-Series craze of the 80s, a one shot by modern standards and something that’s tragically been underused as an idea as only TMNT and MLP have used the idea at IDW, Raph meeting casey and their fight with one another), the return of shredder arc (One of the turtles being ambushed and mobbed by the foot and then thrown though a sky light (Leo in the comic and Raph here), the turtles being horribly outnumbered by them, Casey coming ot the rescue and metting the non-raph turtles for the first time, and them being forced to escape when the place goes up in flames), their exile to northampton (April writing in a journal, casey working on a car with one of the guys and one of hte guys looking over hteir injured brother), and finally, their triumphant return which was very loosely adapted as there are no deformed shredder clones and shredder not being dead yet in this version was not brought back by a colony of super science worms.

So as for how this all comes together: Our story takes place in New York: A crimewave is high with muggings mysterious. There are a ton of phantom thefts going around and at most people have been seeing teens responsibile. And the police.. are at about this level of useful:

The only person doing something is April O’Neil, played by Judith Hoag. Hoag is easily the standout of the film, giving us a strong, confident woman with a wonderful sense of humor. She honestly might be my faviorite April O Neil, and given we’ve had some great ones with 2003, 2012 and Rise, that’s not something I say lightly. I honestly wish I’d recognized her in more stuff as she was both on Nashville and the mom in the Halloween Town films, and most recently was on the ScFy show the magicians. She’s a talented lady and i’m glad she’s still goin.

April is a reporter for Channel 3 like the cartoon, though for some weird reason her boss from the cartoon is replaced by Charles Pennigton, played by Jay Patterson, whose currently dealing with his troubled son Danny, played by Micheal Turney. Pennington is horribly useless at both jobs: At work he tries to ease April off calling out Chief Sterns, who refuses to listen to April’s evidence gathered from japanese immigrants that the crimes resemble similar ones in japan in favor of trying to get charles to shut her up. Danny meanwhile is a member of the foot becase his dad thinks shouting out him and talking about him like he’s not there and generally being a dipstick will actually do anything to help him.

I love the concept for the foot here. In addition to being a Ninja Violence Gang as always, they now recruit new members by finding kids without families or with troubled family lives and giving them a sense of family with the foot, and sweeting the bargin with a giant cave filled with arcade machines, a skate ramp and general late 80′s early 90′s kids goodies. Is it rediculous? Yes. Is it also clever as it gives Shredder an easy army of plausably deniable theives that he can pick the best out of to put in his elite that will be tirelessly loyal to him and him alone? Also yes.

So April being public about this stuff gets her attacked, which naturally leads to our heroes coming in, first in the shadows and later directly when April wont’ give up on the case and Shredder sends some ninjas to go shut her up.. which he does weirdly as the guy jsut slaps her and tells her to cut it out like he’s on a domestically abusive episode of Full House. Raph saves her, and we get the turtles origin.. though weirdly they cut it in half. We get the ooze portion but Splinter’s past with Saki, Saki’s murder of his master and his master’s partern Tang Shen is left for later in the film and the fact Shredder’s saki is treated as a big twist despite the fact the biggest audience for the film would be kids... and kids would’ve been familiar with the cartoon where the giant brain monster routinely screeches out saki at the shredder. Maybe Barron just thought he was an alcoholic I don’t know. It just would’ve made more sense to have it all at once and let the audeince put it together.

April becomes good friends with the turtles over a night of frozen pizza and camradrie, but the Splinters return home to find it ransacked, Splinter kidnapped by the foot, and are forced to Stay with april. Charles meanwhile tries to get April to backoff because he made a deal with the police to clear Danny’s record, without TELLING her any of this mind you, but I will save my rage on that little plot point for in a bit as Danny who he drug along sees the turtles and tells the Shredder.

So we get the return of the shredder arc as Raph goes through a window, our heroes fight valiantly, and Raph’s friend Casey who he met earlier shows up, the two having bonded as all true friends do.. by beating the shit out of each other ending with raph shouting DAMNNNNNNN really big and dramatically into the sky for some reason. The Turtles and friends escape with an injured raph from April’s burning second hand store. She had a second hand store it was poorly established and only there because she had it in the comics.

Our heroes retreat to a farm April’s grandma owned in Northampton, Massachutes, where Mirage was located at the time the original comics where they were exiled to the place were written and a location that has been a staple of the turtles ever since. The turtles slowly recover, lick their wounds, talk about who hooked up with who on gilligans island etc, before Leo connects with Splinter via meditation, who tells them to come back. Splinter also starts to connect with Danny and convinces him to swtich sides.. or at the very least squat in the boys old home.

The boys return home, find danny, and prepare, Danny goes back and ends up giving away the Turtles are home.. but the turtles are ready and in an awesome sequence kick the fuck out of the foot squad sent for them with some well prepared steam vents. Casey goes to get splinter since Danny told them and with Danny’s help, finds him, since Danny found out they were gonna kill him. Casey beats up Tatsu, shredder’s right hand man, and they get him out.

We get our final fight which is awesome up until the climax.. which is splinter casually tripping shredder with nunchucks and thier bloody history being kind of rushed and unsatsifying. Casey crushes shredder with a garbage truck, April gets her job back, more on that in a moment, she and casey hook up, and we end with the fucking awesome song T-U-R-T-L-E Power by partners in cryme. Seriously check it out it’s fucking triumphant.

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The song is just good.. cheesy? Sure but that’s half the fun. It’s the gold standard for movie theme songs for them and stacks up handily with the various animated series themes.. all of which slap. Okay... ALMOST all of which slap. Fast Forwards is aggressively medicore, which is doubly suprising to me since 4kids was REALLY damn good with theme songs. It was one of the three things they were best at along with finding VERY talented voice actors and setting japan based works in america because merica dammit.

The plot is very solid: It skilfully packed half of eastman and laird’s run on TMNT into 90 mintues while adding things like April’s job at channel 9, the way the foot recurited kids etc. The plot flows well for hte most part and apart from one annoying subplot we’ll get to never has a moment that feel unecessary or dosen’t pay off later. And the stellar plot and fun pacing of it helps boilster the characters that do work... and help paper over the ones that are so thin the’yd fall down a grate...

Our Heroes, Villains and Annoying Middle Aged Guys:

Yeahhhh character is hit and miss here. Some are rather strong, others are the bare basics for the character their adapting and most are just to serve the plot but some work some don’t, So let’s talk about it starting with our boys:

Raph is the most fleshed out of the turtles, being the main focus of the first 2/3 of the film, and having his anger be part of what SHOULD be a character arc, learning to temper it. And while granted MOST TMNT properties do this, to the point that Rise Raph is so loveable in part because his boisterous bruiser big bro attitude is a refreshing break from the usual grumpus we get. But at the time this hadn’t been done in every version but the 87 cartoon, so exploring it was valid.. but despite saying this should be a thing htey just forget about it and the most plot relevance he gets is going thorugh a window. He dosen’t really get a resolution.. his arc just kind of stops dead for the final half and it’s one of the film’s weaker points, one I only just now noticed on this rewatch. He’s still the most entertaining.

Leo is the weakest of the turtles. He really lacks a personality here mostly just being leader and while his spirtual side is touched on, it’s mostly a plot device. He’s just kinda the leader because he was in the comics to the point Partners in Cryme called Raph the leader. His role in getting taken out by the foot was taken by Raph, so he just has.. nothing to do for most of the film other than gripe at raph ocasionally and say orders. He’s probably the worst Leo i’ve seen outside of Next Mutation. I prefice that because after watching Phelous’ review it’s VERY clear those four are the worst versions of the characters, and no personality is still better than either having your team do nothing or yelling at them as your personality. I chalk this up to the Mirage Leo, and the mirage turtles to a poit being kind of bland. Not TERRIBLE characters, especially for the time, but not nearly as fleshed out or individualized as they woudl be in other adpatations, and with most traits LEo DID have, like his badassery flat out gone, he’s just.. nothing here.

Mikey and Donnie are a double act here with both sharing a brain. Interestingly instead of his normal genius character, Donnie is Mikey’s best friend and the two simply trade jokes and schtick together. The two are interchangable.. but easily the best part of the film and a lot of the most memorable gags and lines, from Ninja Kick the Damn Rabbit! to “Do you like Penicllin on your pizza”, are from them. Thier there almost entirely as comic relief but it works, with both clealry being more modled ont he 87 cartoon turtles, a move that helps lighten the mood in darker moments. Their just genuinely charming and it’s intresting to see such a diffrent version of Donnie, and other incarnations, specifically the 2003 and Rise versions, would retain the sarcastic edge.

Splinter is splinter. That’s about it, he’s peformed well and the puppet is amazing but he gets kidnapped a half an hour in and outside of influcencing Denny, more on that in a moment, and finishing Shredder he dosen’t do much but spout exposition. He’s not bad or anything, but he’s essentially a rodent shaped plot device. He was also puppeted by Kevin CLash, aka the guy who does Elmo. So there you go.

April on the other hand.. is truly excellent. This might be my faviorite April. Judith’s april nicely blends the cartoon and mirage versions: She has the cartoons energy and job, but the comics sheer will and casual nature. Judith just oozes personality and her April is just a joy to watch, from her breezy chemistry filled interactions with the guys to her confrntation with Chief Sterns, knowing she’ll get thrown out by the asshole. She’s confident, and even when afraid dosen’t back down to her attackers and even helps out during the sewer ambush. I mean it’s a pot on the head but still it’s neat. She’s easily the best part of the flim and the most fleshed out of the cast. The worst I can say is they kinda shove her store from the comics, Second Time Around, in there for no other reason than it was in the comics: It dosen’t come up until it’s needed for the foot’s assault on her place. But overall.. she’s just fantastic to watch.

Speaking of fantastic to watch, Elias Koteas is fantastic as Casey. Seriously he’s only second to the 2003 version in my eyes, getting the concept of a testorone filled average guy who decided to just go out and hit people with sports equipment after watching too much A-Team.. I mean that part of it’s not in this version but it’s implied, just right. Like judith, Elias is just really funny to watch and his big scenes, showing up just in time during the foot assault on april’s place and his fight with Tatsu are some of the best parts of the film, the former taken directly from the comics. This version isn’t without problems: His friendship with Raph, his most endearing aspect and one that has been carried throughout eveyr version Casey’s important, with the only exception so far being rise and we have a movie to fix that, is absent here. HE does save the guy, but they don’t really bond or anything. In fact he disappears for about half an hour after his big fight with Raph. But... again he’s just so damn entertaining, down to his JOSEEEEEEEEEEE Conseco bats (There was a two for one sale!).

Shredder is just a LITTLE better than splinter, if only because his actor projects a true aura of menace and I feel this version had some influence on the pants crappingly terrifying 2003 version. And the idea of the foot recurting teenagers like I said is a good one: He gives them home and a cause, they give him plausably deniable backup. And his fight with the boys in the climax is really awesome... the conclusion sucks but otherwise h’es okay. Not the deepest villian, but he has enough presence to be enjoyable.

His right hand man Tatsu, whose been adapted ocasionally since this and reimaigned as Natsu in the IDW comics, a female version, is also fine. He’s your standard grimacing goon but has enough presence to work.

So that brings us to the penningtons. Charles, april’s boss at the station and his son Danny who’s joined the foot as he feels his dad dosen’t love him. Charles..is about as interesting and likeable as a dog turd and is the worst aspect of the film. No debate there, he just sucks. He sucks so hard he’s classified as a black hole. The film wants you to see him as a put upon wokring dad whose frustrated with his son’s increased moodiness, skipping school and crminal undertakings and just wants to help him and loves him deep down. The problem is his actor’s delivery instead of concerned.. is just pissed. He just seems pissy and upset about the whole thing and comes off like he’s only mad about Danny doing this because he’s embarassing him and not because you know, it’s bad. When confronting Danny about stealing, he dosen’t consider MAYBE he’s part of a gang or needs help, but just wonders “Why are you stealing when I give you stuff”. Because, Dipshit, sometimes kids do crimes not because they need the stuff but because they WANT to, and because they want to act the fuck out.

The most he does for the kid is agree to try and get April to back off the police when Cheif Sterns offers to let Danny go and not put him on record in exchange for it. The problem.. is this makes him even MORE unsympathetic. While I do get wanting to help your child, I do and it’s a sucky position... he again should be sympathetic.. but he handles the thing so badly it sucks. He just tells april to ease off, with no reason given, then fires her when she SHOCKINGLY dosen’t give up taking the guy whose refusing to take her hard work seriously or actually solve the crime wave problem to task for his shitty behavior as ANY person facing a shitty, corrput cop would. She just wants to hold him acountable and get him to actually do something. He clearly knows her on a personal level too as he talks about his issues with his son freely with her, something you don’t do with an employee unless their also a friend on some level.

He could have TOLD april what was going on. She’d be furious at Stern’s naked corrpution and prioritizing shutting her up over actually solving crimes.. and thus put at least some of that energy into shutting him down or finding a way around it, going to the papers or something like that. Even in 1990 pre-internet, there were ways to get around Sterns blackmail and expose him so someone who’d actually do the job could get the job. Instead he just comes off as a selfish coward who rather than try and fight the guy blatantly abusing his power and using Charles own son as barganing chip, goes along with it because it’s the easier option to simply bow to him instead of TRY and stop this. And it’s not like he’s even going after a beloved public figure or someone who could hide behind his rep: Sterns was blatantly failing a crime wave, April had called him out on his failrues and coverups multiple times. The public was against sterns.. finding out he tried to blackmail the media into shutting up about him would PROBABLY end him... I only say probably not because the public wouldn’t skewer him, but because police tend to escape consequences for blatantly murdering someone on a daily basis and Andrew Cumo is STILl mayor over in new york, the same city this movie takes place, 31 years later, depsite EVERYONE asking him to resign over a long history of sexual harassment and a more recent but still horrible history of hiding death numbers. I don’t doubt people being stupid enough to ignore this or the bilaws with cops being stacked enough for him to get away with it, but just because someone gets away with a crime dosen’t mean you shoudln’t try and go after them in the first place. Fuck. Charles. Pennington.

Danny on the other hand is FAR more interesting and I think gets way too much flack when it comes to this subplot. Unlike his dad, whose dead weight, Danny is intresting: He provides a POV character for the foot’s MO in the film of taking in wayward teens, and his character arc is pretty engaging, slowly realizing the foot dosen’t care and that hte turtles are the good guys. HIs actor does a great job and while not the biggest presence, he’s not a bad addition to clan hamaoto and I wish other adaptations would find a way to use him. The pull between doing the right thing and his found family is a good struggle. My only real issue with his plot is the moviies flawed aseop about family. It tries to contrast shredder and his using the kids blatnatly with Splinter and Charles really loving their sons. And it works with Splinter and the kids because despite being a tad strict, Splinter clearly loves his sons and works with them to help them. The problem is ENTIRELY with Charles and Danny. As I said Charles love comes off as transasctional: He either thinks he can buy it or just expects it because he shot a bunch of goop into Danny’s mom after two minutes of disapointment. It dosen’t work with them because neither option is good for Danny. His father is neglectful, chooses throwing his jounralistic integrity out the window over talking to his son or his best friend about another way, and abrasive. Danny is no saint, he does do crimes, but it’s clearly a result of a shitty upbringing and the shredder and co actually offeirng him the love he desperatly craves. Danny goes to the foot because his dad is bad at his job but the film never adresses that and just expects Danny to go back to his dad because the plot says so. Danny would HONESTLY be better off with Splinter. No really. Sure he’d have to live in the sewers.. but he did so for a few weeks in the course of the movie. He’s fine down there. Splitner actually cares about him and took an intrest to him and knows how to raise a child. Let him become the fifth turtle. An aseop about family is not a bad thing: Loaded subject that it can be given how many outright abusive families exist, i’m one of the lucky ones who dosen’t have that issue, family is an important thing and can be a source of comfort and support. But this film tells you you should love and respect someone who does not love, respect or value you because he spent a minute in your mom’s vagina and that’s not how family should work and is outright dangerous to kids in an abusive situation. Love the film otherwise but fuck this aseop skyhigh.

Final thoughts:

Overall though.. the film is bodacious. It’s funny, well paced, has an awesome cast, and outside of a certain bald asswipe... it’s a really good superhero film. Is it the best i’ve seen? Nope. Not even close and character wise most of them are as thin as a wet paper bag covered in ranch dressing. But it’s still a fun as hell with awesome corepgraphy, a killer soundtrack, seriously the soundtrack is damn excellent and only didn’t get it’s own section because I didn’t have enough to say and some of the best effects work i’ve seen in a film in the turtle suits. If you haven’t seen it I urge you to check it out: it’s a breezy 90 minutes, it’s on hbo max and it’s a shell of a time. Will I do the next film?

We’ll see how this one does like wise and such, but I will be doing the rise film whenever it comes out this year. So look for that and keep possesing turtle power my dudes. If you liked this review subscirbe for more, join my patreon to keep this blog a chugging, comission a review if you have more turtle stuff you want me to cover, and comment on this. What do you think of the movie, what are your thoughts on the review, what can I do better, what other turtle stuff would you like me to cover/ Let me know and i’ll see you at hte next rainbow.

#teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles 1990 #leonardo #raphael #donetello #michealangelo #casey jones #april o'neil #the shredder #oroku saki #new line cinema #golden harvest #film #90's movies #the 90's #partners in cryme #judith hoag

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ivysaur-evo · 3 years

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For the p5 songs, rivers in the desert ?

OOOO RIVERS IN THE DESERT!!

This song is honestly one of my favourites. It plays during Shido’s boss, and I believe The Holy Grail and The Twin Wardens.

OH AND AGAIN IN ROYAL WHEN RYUJI MAKES THAT SPECTACULAR APPEARANCE (it lives in my head always)

I’m going to focus on it as it is in Shido’s boss battle and The Holy Grail, as that are the main things the canon story follows.

“It’s now or never, and I’ve got to make my decision”

In my interpretation, I believe that each time during both times that THIS IS THEIR FINAL BATTLE. “It’s now or never, are they up for this?” kind of thing. “This time it could be my moment.” All this story has done has been leading up to that moment against Shido (and then The Holy Grail/Yaldabaoth). It’s their moment to shine, their moment to finish what has lead them all there. Everything bad that happened to each and every one of them stemmed back to Shido, and then The Holy Grail/Yaldabaoth. Kamoshida was only being held there because of the principal, and he was a connection with Shido. Madarame and Kaneshiro I believe we’re paying him? Medjed, and the death of Futaba’s mother were due to Shido, as well as Okumura’s death. Sae was connected to the ISU director or whatever his name is, and he was connected to Shido. You could also argue that she was involved due to her investigation of the mental shutdowns. THE ENTIRE GAME LED UP TO THESE TWO MOMENTS NO MATTER WHAT WAY YOU LOOK AT IT.

“Is this a mirage or a chance to fulfill my mission?” I’m assuming relates to Akira, wondering two things during each of these battles. “Is this real?” and “is this my chance to fulfill (again) what my whole life in Tokyo has led me to”, and even his reasoning for being there. This fight will fulfill his “mission”.

“A river in a dry land

The last ace in a lost hand

A heartbeat for a tin man

Oasis in a singed land”

Honestly some of these lines mean more or less the same thing to me.

“A river in a dry land (desert)” is literally impossible. It’s a dry land for a reason.

“The last ace in a lost hand” last chance I’m assuming? This is their final play, their final card in an empty hand.

“A heartbeat for a tin man” NOT TO MAKE THIS ABOUT THE WIZARD OF OZ BUUUUTTT I’m gonna go off of the tin man from there. The tin man in that story was without a heart. Though, I’m going to take that less as physical, and more like a mentality/emotion kinda thing. Shido literally has no heart, honestly. He’s selfish, and is willing to do whatever he wants for his own doing. They’re going to change that. They’re going to give him that change of heart. They’re going to give an empty tin man his heart.

“An Oasis in a singed land” An “Oasis” is like a nice ‘green’ perfect kind of place, y’know? And “singed” is the opposite. Fire. Destruction. One could say corrupt society. The Phantom Thieves are bringing this “oasis” to the “singed land”.

“I'm keeping the balance, but I'm standing

On razor's edge now

Move quick or my life is over

One strike, just a feint, then ...

I'm outa his field of vision

Don't ask why I'm ready but I'm ready to

Strike/take him down now

A chance at a new start

There's no time for indecision.”

“I'm keeping the balance, but I'm standing

On razor's edge now

(Move quick or my life is over)

One strike, just a feint, then ...

I'm outa his field of vision” I’m honestly seeing this as a description of the fight. A strategic battle, I’m assuming, based off of the descriptions given. Though I left one line in parentheses. “Move quick or my life is over”, this one seems Akira’s point of view. If he doesn’t beat this, his life, The Phantom Thieves lives, EVERYONES lives could be over. Other than that, they all seem like combat attacks and strategic moves. However “Don’t ask why I’m ready, but I’m ready to strike him down now, a chance at a new start. There’s no time for indecision” sticks out as something more. This shit effected everyone, but this is effin’ personal to Akira. Shido literally ruined his entire life, and Yaldabaoth only saw him as a puppet for his own amusement/humanity’s downfall/whatever. This is PERSONAL, and afterwards, it’s Akira’s chance at a new start. Shido confesses, his probation is complete/ridden, The Holy Grail/Yaldabaoth is defeated, his days of being a hero in the shadows are over. He can return to a normal life. “No time for indecision” but does he want it to be over? Does he want to give up his friends and The Phantom Thieves? There’s no time to reconsider, for this is the best decision for everyone.

“(A river in a dry land

The last ace in a lost hand)

When the hope of new beginnings burned our feet

Now we need it:

(A heartbeat for a tin man

An oasis in a singed land)

Remind us what we're here for:

Creating new life

Creating rivers in the desert.”

“The hope of new beginnings burn our feet, now we need it: (a heartbeat for a tin man, an oasis for a singed land)”. There’s hope for a new beginning after these battles are over, states in that line, and what I previously mentioned before. They NEED a heartbeat for this tin man, an oasis for a singed land, because that singed land is burning at their feet. The corrupt state the world is in is fire, and it’s burning them.

“Remind us what we're here for:

Creating new life

Creating rivers in the desert.” The Phantom Thieves end goal is to save humanity from themselves/from the holy grail. Create new life after that fight (as Morgana mentioned, they created a new world). I mentioned rivers in the desert being impossible, and that’s just what they’re doing. The impossible. In order to create new life they need to fight an effin’ god, pretty impossible, but they’ll create that river in the desert. They’ll do the impossible.

“My heart is a furnace,

(It's) Hot as hell in my world of conflict

One goal is what keeps me going

Take back what I lost to ...

The bosses of greed and fear, yeah

Don't ask why I'm ready but I'm ready to take

Them down now

The time for a new start

Is constantly drawing nearer”

This is where I believe the center turns more to being about Yaldabaoth and The Holy Grail

“My heart is a furnace, hot as hell in my world of conflict, one goal is what keeps me going.” The Phantom Thieves aren’t perfect, during the Okumura arc, the team disbands, showing that sometimes they really aren’t doing it for the greater good, simply picking a target listed at the top of the Phan-Site. But their goal kept them going, got them back together, made them get back up one last time.

“Take back what I lost to ...the bosses of greed and fear, yeah.” Bosses of greed and fear, ey? The Phantom Thieves losing their reputation after the collapse of the greed palace (Okumura’s) and people stopped believing they even existed after the fall of Pride (Shido’s). They’re taking back what they lost.

“(Don't ask why I'm ready but I'm ready to take them down now.) The time for a new start

Is constantly drawing nearer” The Phantom Thieves, the more enemies they defeat (Shido, Holy Grail, Yaldabaoth) makes their new start draw nearer. Each step draws them closer and closer to the freedom of what had been laid down upon them.

“(A river in a dry land, the last ace in a lost hand. When the hope of new beginnings burned our feet. Now we need it: A heartbeat for a tin man. An oasis in a singed land. Remind us what we're here for: Creating new life. Creating rivers in the desert.)”

“When a cool drop of water's all I need

Gotta clear my head of anger and greed

A place to refresh heart and mind,”

Honestly it COULD also be when they’re stuck in the velvet room cause they lost all hope, and were angry as all hell. They’d lost to The Holy Grail, they were pissed off, dejected, and honestly? Kinda greedy for wanting to give up. But they’ve got to snap out of it to get back out there. “The cool drop” they need is Akira’s guidance, his role as leader to tell them what’s right, thus them “clearing it”.

“(Can I find

Some time in

Rivers in a dry land

The last ace in a lost hand

When the hope of new beginnings burned our feet

Now we need it:

A heartbeat for a tin man

An oasis in a singed land

Remind us what we're here for:

Creating new life

Creating rivers in the desert)”

(Basically the finale of everything coming together, as mentioned from previous lines when I mentioned all of these)

God I hoped this made sense lmao

#persona #persona series #persona 5 #p5 #akira kurusu #ren amamiya #persona 5 protagonist #ryuji sakamoto #ann takamaki #morgana #yusuke kitawaga #makoto niijima #futaba sakura #haru okumura #masayoshi shido #yaldabaoth #aki answers lmao

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cakeleighh · 3 years

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You ever just create an au crossover with two fandoms you’re currently in? Just cuz? No real plot or idea, just a concept? Like marmite and chocolate. “Idk how the fuck these two got in even 5 meters of each other, but it actually tastes nice????”

Well, I present to you;

Yeah, idk either, but I loved the design so I’m posting it. Fun fact; I drew this lying on my side, my drawing arm under my body, and using my finger on my small phone. Am I proud I made something like this in these conditions? Yes. Should I be? Not really. But oh well.

Also, the reason I’m posting this now is cuz I just created something so cute I had to post it.

If anyone wants to use these designs, go right ahead! I’m probably not gonna go further. And if someone wants to create an in-depth miraculous x teenwolf crossover, feel free. My only aim with this post was show cute fox stiles, and get people inspired.

I do have a small narrative if anyone wants to use it, but it’s not in-depth or even finished, so don’t feel obliged to. The story is like so;

-Trixx’s miraculous has been lost from the miracle box (instead of Nooroo & Duusuu’s), it gets into the hands of someone bad -like a boss- and when he’s defeated, another bad person gets the miraculous. The cycle passing from bad people to bad people continues for years.

-Because of the nature of the fox miraculous, most people who wield it use it very discreetly. So there’s no coverage of a “fox supervillain” in the media. However, if you were to ask someone involved within criminal activity; they’d tell you it was a legend to scare gangs into submission by the police.

-Eventually, a mercenary with the fox miraculous comes to California to lay low for a bit, however, he’s killed by a druid for a sacrifice. The miraculous is left behind on the scene, since the Druid is unaware of what it really is.

-Stiles, who had been looking for clues on the new killer, comes across the now vacant home. It’s obvious that there was a fight, so he starts to record things and collect evidence for himself. He luckily isn’t obliged to tell the police since technically, he shouldn’t even know there’s a killer. So technically to the police, it’s just robbery, not withholding information. In his endeavour, he finds the fox miraculous -thinking it’s a tad tacky, but he never underestimates the small things. Not after his friend was bitten by a werewolf and he got drawn into the weird supernatural world.

-once he gets home it takes him hours of filtering through evidence before he gets the the necklace. It’s at that point it activates and Trixx emerges. It’s not like “AAAAA WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU”, it’s more like “... I didn’t sign up for this, I should really consider just leaving this godforsaken town.”

-Trixx explains what a miraculous is how it can give him amazing powers. But the first thing Stiles asks is who was the guy who had it in the house he found the necklace in. They hesitantly explain he was a mercenary, but they can’t reveal his name.

-Stiles takes a while but he gets exited about having this unique insight on this case. Now they could possibly stop the killer before anyone else has to die. However, he doesn’t actually want to use the miraculous power since “I can’t waste time trying to play super hero! There’s a killer out there and if we needed an enhanced individual to get them, we’d have the werewolves out there. No, for this case we need a detective.”

-Trixx was very surprised when they heard Stiles explain he didn’t want to use the miraculous, but the more they listened, the more they understood the reasoning. Inwardly, they were immensely relieved. They could finally take a break from using their power for bad, and now could maybe even help this little kit out in doing some good.

~time skip as Trixx and Stiles become closer while on the case~

~there’s a point where Stiles is stuck in a the back of a truck with no way out. There was reason to believe the truck belonged to the killer, so Stiles invited himself in (closing the door so no one could see him snooping), and his hunch is right when he sees freezers full of body parts. What he didn’t anticipate though, was that the truck would start moving.

~With rising tensions, Stiles desperately-and yet fruitlessly- tries to find a way out, unless he wanted jump out the back of a moving vehicle at 60+ mph.

~Trixx advises him to use the miraculous, but he’s adamant against it, saying he can find a way out himself. Saying things like, “Scott would find a way.” And “Derek would be disappointed if I used such a cheap trick to get out of this.”

~Eventually, when the supposed killer starts to get to a stop, Stiles finally gives in and uses the miraculous.

~cue typical transformation scene~

~Stiles doesn’t have time to question the outfit before the killer parks, gets out of the car, and seemingly starts to go for the back door.

~Stiles tries to do what Trixx had told him before (regarding the fox miraculous power), and attempts to make himself invisible in the corner by making a mirage of an empty corner in front of him.

~It works and the killer doesn’t suspect a thing. Luckily Stiles was able to escape the truck when the killer went to put the first box in a warehouse. He makes sure to take many photos and notes about where he is, and what the warehouse is like. It’s not in the main town, but it isn’t far. Since it’s surrounded by forests, Stiles was able to slip away from the situation undetected.

~Stiles isn’t stupid, he isn’t going to face a serial killer he knows nothing about, and without his pack. Furthermore, he feels wrong for using Trixx, since they wanted to have a break from being used. So as soon as he was out of view of the warehouse, he powered down to begin a probably long walk back to town.

~Trixx was obviously a bit worn out, but all together happy that Stiles was ok. They found it weird when the kit started to apologise to Trixx, saying how it felt wrong to use someone like that. They found it soothing to have such a respectful miraculous holder, but they assured him it was perfectly fine and that that was the point of the miraculous anyway.

~hours of walking later and Stiles finally gets home, about just as exhausted as Trixx was. He asked if there was anyway to regain the kwami’s energy, which they replied that food would be good enough. So he let them look through all the food he had to see if they had a preference. They didn’t seem that picky, but when they saw a pack of blueberries, they instantly lit up and went for it. Stiles was going to ask if they wanted anything more, but the fox sped off cackling to themself.

~end~

And that’s all I got for more detailed scenes. I guess the general consensus from then on is that Stiles and Trixx go on with the case, and get the entire pack to ambush the killer to take him down. He only uses the fox miraculous if it’s the only way, or if using it would prevent possible casualties.

But as for more hc about it, I guess Stiles wouldn’t be able to tell the pack -secret identities n’ all that- and I’d assume he’d be hesitant to be Vulpy in front of the pack. But for embarrassment or just not wanting to open that can of worms, I have no clue.

I think Stiles would strike up the deal “If you agree to help me on this case, I’ll find and return you to your guardian”. Even though Trixx has no say in whether he can use them or not, it’s a deal they can’t pass up.

Also, just saying, if Stiles got akumatised he would call himself “Nogitsune” ;) which is a good next drawing idea, actually.

Like I said, if anyone wants redo any of this and completely change it, feel free! The idea of all the pack having a miraculous would be very interesting.

[I said I wouldn’t develop it more but I’m a sleep deprived idiot that was like “wouldn’t it be fun to make a animation/animatic of the transformation” and actually did it. I hate myself, but look out for it on my page, I only have a few last things to do.]

#teen wolf #stiles stilinski #miraculous #miraculous ladybug #ladybug #chat noir #derek hale #Trixx #miraculous au #teen wolf au #crossover

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tenscupcake · 5 years

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Kingdom Hearts 3 - An Honest Review

I’d like to preface this review by saying I am an unabashed Kingdom Hearts geek. Like, through and through. I played KH1 when I was just a tween, and have picked up a copy every installment since (in some cases, even bought the entire console just to play that one game). I still have CDs of the game soundtracks, a few discs which have nearly burnt out on replay in my car. Sanctuary After the Battle will forever make me cry, whether or not I’m watching the cutscene that goes along with it. I’ve replayed most of the titles multiple times. Wasted away hours on YouTube watching Story So Far recaps and funny commentaries about the games in preparation for KH3. Like millions of other enthusiasts, I have been eagerly and patiently (all right, sometimes not so patiently) awaiting the arrival of KH3 since the moment I first finished KH2 – 13 very, very long years ago.

At around eight o’clock on premiere night, I took my place in line at my local GameStop wearing my Kingdom Hearts t-shirt and pajama pants, brandishing the miniature Kingdom Key clipped to my lanyard. Finally holding that blue case in my hands was absolutely surreal. One of those natural highs it took me hours to come down from. Tears welled up in my eyes at the first few somber piano keys as the title screen faded into view.

Lots of people asked me, in the weeks and even months leading up to the release (because believe me, at any opportunity, I would not shut up about how excited I was about this game), if I thought it would live up to the hype. Pfft, I thought. People outside the KH fandom never understand. Of course it will. Sure, the series has had its weak links, its hiccups (the battle system in COM and the perpetual re-releases of old games with minor tweaks, to name a couple). But with the compelling cinematic storytelling and uniquely delightful gameplay of the main series’ smash hits - KH1, KH2, and BBS – in their repertoire, I knew the team at Square was capable of pulling this off. To me, it was just a given that it would be epic. That playing it would be worth all the years of waiting. I had absolutely no doubt in my mind this game was going to be lit. As. Hell.

I’m only saying all this so as not to give the impression I went into this game looking to find flaws, to nitpick it. Or with the expectation of being disappointed. In fact, quite the opposite.

I wanted to love this game. To me, loving KH games is one of very few constants in my life. I was supposed to love this game. I needed to love this game.

But the truth is, I didn’t.

That statement has been pretty difficult for me to come to terms with.

In what few early reviews and videos I’ve found of people discussing their thoughts on the game, I’ve found fans to be quite split: with some unreservedly loving, others downright hating the game.

I fall somewhere in the middle of the polarized fandom. I did NOT hate the game. It was actually a good, if not great game. But putting it on a sliding scale of satisfaction and disappointment, I would say it’s tipping toward the latter. And as it’s taken me hours of mulling, reading, and discussing with other players to characterize and articulate precisely why, and because I think I owe it not only to the series and the characters therein, but also my younger self to leave no stone unturned, this review is going to be a long one.

I’m finding it easiest to break it down by category:

Graphics.

This game is beautiful. It was sort of a dream come true to meander around in real time with the gorgeously, smoothly animated versions of Sora and the gang that we’d previously only been able to see in the rare cinematic cutscenes at each game’s beginning and end. Most of the Disney and even Pixar worlds and characters are rendered to nearly the same quality as their film counterparts. I often found myself just standing in place for a while, admiring it all. The vivid green landscapes of Corona, the beaches and sprawling sea in the Caribbean, the towering cityscape of San Fransokyo. And walking on water where the sky meets the sea? Stunning.

Gameplay.

All in all, this game is pretty damn fun to play. It was all I thought about during long days at work: I couldn’t wait to jump back into the action. Pounding on Heartless still brings me back to the good old days. And who doesn’t want to run up the side of buildings as Riku and Roxas demonstrated so epically, so long ago, in the World That Never Was? Soar to sky-high Heartless as easily as you can lock onto them? These new movement aspects brought an almost superhero-esque quality to the game, reminiscent of Spider-man’s wall-crawling or Batman’s grappling hook, that, if a bit unrealistic, I found to be immense fun. And compared to previous games, worlds are no longer cordoned off into many separate areas, and with the sheer scale of them, KH3 experiments with a quasi-open-world style that is rather freeing.

I also really appreciate that the character interactions with your party and with NPCs felt much less clunky. For one thing, they FINALLY did away with the press X-to-progress text-only conversations that were so prevalent in previous games, with all the dialogue left to voice actors. Even minor NPCs that only show up one time were given a voice, making every interaction that much more immersive. Transitions from cutscenes to the action were also much more fluid, and Sora and his current teammates talk to one another as you pow around. Even if it’s just a warning from Goofy you’re going the wrong way, or a heads-up from Donald there’s an ingredient or lucky emblem nearby, it was still a new feature I was glad to have.

Combat-wise, this game has a lot going for it. This installment brings nearly all the combat styles we’ve seen up until this point: magic, combos, form changes, flowmotion, shotlock, companion team-ups, and links. And it even introduces a few new ones on top of all this: the ability to swap between three different keyblades at will, and the new Disney parks-inspired attraction commands, where you can summon roller coasters, tea cups, and spinning carousels to your heart’s content. What this enables is for the player to never get bored during a battle. With so many options to choose from in each new enemy encounter, you never have to stick with the same combat style or get stuck in a rut of just mashing X to hack and slash everything. All things considered, Sora’s got some pretty sick moves this time around. Whipping out Thundaza, watching lightning explode across the screen and zap all the enemies in sight with it? Wicked. Floating above the ground, wreaking ethereal, glowing havoc with the Mirage Staff? Awesome. Surrounded by a sea of Heartless, locking onto 32 different targets at once and unleashing a flurry of lasers to slash through them all? Amazing. Thumbs getting fatigued fighting the third maddening iteration of Xehanort? Give yourself a break from the chaos in a giant, technicolor pirate ship, watching it thwack your adversary on every rock back and forth.

On one hand, the hefty damage most of these combat options deal gives the game an almost Ratchet and Clank-esque ‘blowing shit up’ vibe, which is undeniably fun. But, this array of choices does become a double-edged sword. With grand magic, attraction commands, form changes, and team attacks all fighting for space atop the command deck, they tend to pile up quickly. It’s not at all uncommon to rack up three or four different situation commands after only about 30 seconds of fighting. Sometimes, the constant need to make a choice, especially in a busy battle, can be more of a burden than a blessing. Having to shift between situation command selections on top of attacking, blocking, and accessing your shortcuts can be a bit cumbersome.

Unlike in previous games, there also aren’t many consequences for over-using special attacks. In KH2, your drive gauge ran out and needed to be slowly refilled. You also ran the increasingly high risk of morphing into the near-helpless Anti-Sora by relying too much on drive forms. But here, no matter how many times you’ve used a special attack, your MP will reload in a few seconds, and you can easily just ignore the situation command for Rage Form when it pops up. In BBS, it felt like it took a good while to power up to a form change, whereas in KH3 it seems like you can spend just as much time in a powered-up keyblade form change as in regular combat.

And, because so many of these situation commands are so powerful and frequent, they tend to dominate the entire battle, making the combat in the game much easier than previous games. Bordering on too easy. Where in other entries in the main series, I usually had to die several times on each boss in Proud mode before I devised the right strategy to defeat them, I rarely died at all in this game. On the surface, that isn’t such a bad thing. As I like to say a lot of the time, when I play a game “I’m here for a good time, not a hard time.” But there comes a point when the combat is so easy that it no longer gives you that sense of accomplishment when you progress past a tough batch of heartless or a particularly merciless boss – you know, that punching the air, whooping to yourself sort of pride. I was definitely missing that, at times.

Believe it or not, I think the Disney attraction commands, though powerful, and at first hilarious, were a bit too extra. After only a few hours in they just became annoying, and I was doing my best to ignore them when they popped up, even wishing I could turn them off. Now and then, I’d accidentally trigger the Blaster or the raft ride and just roll my eyes while canceling back out of it. Because it doesn’t really feel like you’re doing any fighting, let alone the real-time keyblade-style fighting uniquely special to this series. And forget trying to effectively aim while you’re in one. After a while the only thing I found them useful for was, as I mentioned earlier, taking a break from a fight when you’re fatigued, as they give your thumbs a break and cause you to take much less damage. While they were cool at first, my final impression of this addition to the combat was all flash, no substance.

I was one of the few who actually liked and took advantage of flowmotion in DDD, and was excited to see it brought back here. But this, too, turned out to be mostly another annoyance. I’m not sure if it’s because the actionable objects are so much more spread out in KH3, or because they actually built in restrictions on combos here, but I was unable to keep a flow going at all. After only one successful strike after leaping off a wall or pole, the blue glow of momentum vanished. It didn’t feel like “flowmotion” at all, just a one-and-done special attack that tended to kill any rhythm I had going moreso than facilitate it. So while conceptually and visually it was promising, I unfortunately no longer found it very useful.

Also, and I realize this is completely subjective, but I found the form changes to be stylistically underwhelming overall. I thought the drive forms in KH2 (especially Master and Final) were visually and stylistically cooler, and seemed to have more finesse.

Worlds.

When I was whisked away from San Fransokyo and landed in the final world of the game, I found myself disappointed by the number of worlds I’d been to, expecting there to be a handful more. Though, when I counted the worlds up, the tally was at nine. So I asked myself why it felt like so little, when nine didn’t seem like a small number. But, tallying up the worlds in previous games, KH1 had 13, KH2 had 15, and BBS had 10. Which does put KH3 on the low end of world count. Also, in all three of these previous games (especially KH2 and BBS), you had to return to these worlds more than once, usually unlocking new content and/or areas each time, leading it to feel like there were more worlds than there actually were. Though KH3 has a comparable length of gameplay to complete the story, it definitely does feel like it comes up short in terms of variety of worlds you get to visit. As a result, some of the worlds where you spend 3 or 4 hours at a time can start to feel like they’re dragging on a little bit. And on the flipside of that, there are certain worlds that you technically do visit in KH3 I did not include in the world count, because you are there for such a fleeting amount of time, or in such a tiny portion of the world – e.g. Land of Departure, the Realm of Darkness. Worlds that would have been awesome to get to actually explore! And perhaps the biggest letdown of all, though you get to visit Destiny Islands and Radiant Garden via cutscenes, there is no play time in either. Serious bummer.

As far as the worlds they did choose to include, the selection admittedly left me ambivalent. I was really glad to see Toy Story, Monsters Inc., and Big Hero 6 included, but wasn’t over the moon about any of the others. I was really counting on having a Wreck-It-Ralph world (I mean, how perfect would that be?), and would love to have seen them tackle Zootopia, Wall-E, Meet the Robinsons, or the Incredibles. I’d even settle for a return to Halloween Town (shameless NBC fangirl, what can I say). The Emperor’s New Groove could have been pretty damn funny. Even A Bug’s Life or Finding Nemo could have offered some unique gameplay opportunities. Certainly better content to work with than Frozen, at any rate.

As far as the plot/experience within the worlds, I also found it to be a mixed bag. I did enjoy all of them, even ones I did not expect to enjoy too much (i.e. Frozen and Pirates). Honestly, though, I found myself a bit bored in worlds where they followed the plot of the films too closely, to the point that it felt like an abridged re-hash of the movies. I know they’ve taken this approach before with earlier Kingdom Hearts games, and I may sound like a hypocrite for only critiquing it now. But I think even in stories where they did do this earlier, like Tarzan or Aladdin, they executed the re-tellings more successfully. The plotline was altered just enough to ensure Sora was a part of the action through and through. After playing those games, Sora was indelibly inserted into those films in my head. To where the next time I watched them, I was jokingly asking myself “Where’s Sora?” But that was not the feeling I got here. In worlds like Corona or the Caribbean, Sora was just sort of jammed into the plot where he didn’t really fit. In many of the longer cutscenes, I actually forgot Sora was even there – even forgot I was playing Kingdom Hearts. Sora didn’t really feel needed. I definitely found it more enjoyable to be part of a new adventure with the characters – like what was done with Toy Story and Big Hero 6, where Sora was able to play more of an active role in progressing the subplot. It was nice to feel like I mattered!

Extras.

These were hit-or-miss for me. I actually screeched with excitement when Sora and the gang ran into Remy, and enjoyed the scavenger hunt for ingredients. And while cooking with little chef was a treat I wouldn’t want to see cut from the game, I found most of the cooking mini-games to be simultaneously too short (less than 10 seconds each!) and needlessly hard to master (especially cracking that egg).

Admittedly a Disney and Disneyland fanatic, I also got a kick out of the lucky emblems (aka hidden mickeys). I thought they were one of the most fun collectibles we’ve seen to date in the franchise.

Which brings me to one of the more controversial extras in the game: the gummiphone! While a lot of people are ragging on the inclusion of this dynamic, I enjoyed it. The Instagram loading screens were a little jarring at first, but they really grew on me. And being able to point the camera at Goofy, Sully, or Hiro and watch them pose for a picture in real-time was nothing short of adorable.

Another thing that surprised me? The game’s occasional self-awareness. I almost included a separate category for this, because I’ve never seen another game do this, and did not see it coming! But the “KINGDOM HEARTS II.9” title screen gave me a good chuckle. It doesn’t make up for all the 1.5, 2.8, 0.2 nonsense we’ve had to put up with, but it’s at least nice to see they can poke fun at their own ridiculousness. And when Sora laments how long it’s been since he’s seen the folks in Twilight Town; then Hayner, confused and even a little creeped out, says “It hasn’t been that long”. Simply acknowledging the vast disconnect between the short time that’s passed in-universe since KH2 and how egregiously long the fans had to wait – well, it had me in stitches. It was morbid laughter, sure, but refreshing nonetheless.

Um, the folk dancing in the square in Corona? Literal funniest thing ever.

One thing that I really missed? Closing keyholes. Finishing worlds wasn’t the same without them.

At this point in the review, I’ve covered basically every aspect I can think of save for one: the story. I’ve purposely saved it for last, because it’s the most important aspect of the series to me, the one that can make or break a Kingdom Hearts game.

From the categories I’ve judged thus far – content, visuals, gameplay, extras – I’d probably give this game a solid 8 or 9/10. I had some issues with the overly cluttered combat, the difficulty level, and the slight disappointment with which worlds were included and the ways they chose to play out the subplots in each. But in the grand scheme of things, all these complaints are minor, and don’t detract from the fact that it’s just plain fun, in a new league with some of the most entertaining and most beautiful titles out there.

But that’s exactly it. Beautiful graphics are the new bare minimum for this generation of console gaming. If a game released for the PS4 or Switch isn’t visually outstanding, it runs a real risk of faltering behind the competition. There is no shortage of beautiful games on the market in 2019.

And if I want a fun game, I can pop back into Mario Odyssey or get a group together to duke it out in Super Smash Ultimate. I can easily download a dozen fun platformers on Steam for less than 50 bucks.

Yes, KH3 is really beautiful, and really fun.

But that’s not why I was so excited to play it.

A legion of kids and teenagers stuck with this series well into their twenties and thirties, never giving up on the release of the next installment. Trudged through handheld games and blocky graphics and clunky battle systems and convoluted plot lines. Why? Well, of course I can’t speak for all KH fans, but for me, and all the ones I know personally, it’s because of the story. It’s always been what, in my mind, sets KH apart from any other video game I’ve ever played. It’s the only game series that’s ever made me cry. The only one I’ve ever owned merchandise for. The only one I’ve ever been so invested in that I can discuss it with friends, even acquaintances, for hours on end. The only one that’s made me care so much about the characters that they feel like my friends. With how much time has passed since I started, maybe even my kids. No pun intended, the series has heart. It contains the same sort of magic that going to Disneyland as a child did. Or, it used to.

Kingdom Hearts 3 didn’t need to just be a great game. It needed to be a Kingdom Hearts game. One that built a wove a compelling story filled with intrigue and emotion from the first hour. One that did justice to all the characters (and by now, there are a lot of them) that we’ve grown to love over the last 17 years. One where a prepubescent kid can yell a speech up at a threatening villain that makes you believe, harder than you’ve ever believed, in the power of friendship. One that instills a childlike optimism that no matter how dark the world gets, as long as someone keeps fighting, good can still triumph over evil. One that tugs on the heartstrings in just the right ways, at just the right moments, to manage to make you cry – repeatedly – over a gang of outspoken, angsty kids with clown feet.

The thing about the story in KH3 is: it’s not inherently a bad story. Sure, it’s a mess, it doesn’t make much sense, it leaves you with more questions than answers, it’s incredibly cheesy, and it retcons a good deal of lore from previous installments. But many of these things could be said of other Kingdom Hearts games. The fact that these descriptors apply to KH3 isn’t what disqualifies it as a worthy entry in the series, in my mind.

For the most part, it’s not the story itself I found disappointing. After all, think about how a summary sounds on paper: reunions with long lost characters, long-awaited battles, conclusions of lengthy character and story arcs.

The biggest problem wasn’t so much the concept of the story, but rather the execution.

First of all, the pacing. The pacing was terrible. Almost nothing happens the first 20-25 hours of the game. I can think of maybe two scenes that got me on the edge of my seat, gripping my controller in the hopes it would advance the plot further: the scene with Mickey and Riku in the realm of darkness where you get to play as Riku for a few minutes (sadly the only time in the game that you do), and running into Vanitas in Monstropolis. Nothing. Else. Happened. Sure you run into Larxene in Arendelle, and goof around chasing Luxord in the Caribbean, but none of this is actually relevant to the plot we care about. Certainly not the plot the story is telling us to care about from the beginning.

And that leads me to the second issue – how vague your objective actually is. The ultimate objective of the game seems clear enough: rescue Aqua from the realm of darkness, maybe worry about the other two Wayfinder trio once we’ve found her, and defeat Xehanort. But this is not Sora’s given objective. Rather, it’s to find the ‘power of waking.’ Which is not explained, either to Sora or the player. Sora, on the other hand, appoints himself to another mission entirely: contemplating the unfairness of Roxas’ disappearance, he seems to mainly be focused on finding him and restoring him to a physical existence. However, this mission is starkly at odds with the canonical explanation of Nobodies in general and Roxas, specifically. The last time we saw Roxas (chronologically speaking) he reunited with Sora, and as far as we know, he’s still part of Sora. So, the mission to “find” Roxas as if he exists as an entity in the real world is perplexing. Second, lacking hearts, Nobodies can’t exist as a whole on their own. So even assuming we can “find” him in Sora, how far we going to bring him back without splintering Sora into a Heartless and a Nobody again? Even according to the series’ own complex lore, it doesn’t make sense. Therefore, the first half or more of the game seems aimless, not really knowing what we’re meant to be doing, or how. It’s hard to be invested in a story with no clear objective. Not something we can easily get on board with like “Find Riku and Kairi” or “Track down the Organization.” Just “Go find the power of waking.” Okay.

And while a lot (and I mean a lot) happens in the last 4-5 hours of the story to tie up loose ends, it’s crammed together in such a jumbled rush that it’s almost impossible to appreciate any of it.

After collecting Aqua and Ventus, long lost characters reappear on screen one right after another assembly-line style, to the point that none of them feels special or poignant anymore.

Not only that, but the characters who are brought back, many of them beloved protagonists from earlier installments in the series, are not given any time to shine.

It was promising when they let Aqua fight Vanitas in the newly restored Land of Departure. Ven is her friend, her responsibility; it was her fight. But with this taste of getting back a playable character from the franchise, I expected that as the plot progressed, it would open up plenty more chances for past protagonists to take the stage. That we’d be able to step back into the oversized shoes of other playable characters we’d missed. That when (or if) others returned in all their glory, they’d get to strut their stuff.

But that is precisely the opposite of what happened.

I mean, Ventus didn’t get to steal the spotlight for the final clash with Vanitas? By definition, his natural foil?

Terra didn’t get to exact his revenge in an epic showdown with Xehanort, the guy who stole his body and enslaved him for more than a decade?

Roxas and Axel, reunited, couldn’t team up to pound on the Organization members that tormented them? Instead, after his surprise entrance, Roxas got hardly any screen presence at all, and Axel’s epic new flaming keyblade got destroyed, making him sit out most of the fighting after all the build up that he was training to fight?

Oh, and you know who else was utterly useless through the final battles, demoted once again to a damsel in distress despite years of hype that she’d wield a keyblade in this installment, and multiple cutscenes indicating she, too, was training to actually fight? Yup. I don’t even need to say the name.

And to only get one small boss fight as Riku, when in the previous installment he had half the screen time?

The heroes we’ve missed for so long and longed to return to the screen are not resurrected with the dignity and respect they deserve. They are relegated to side characters, who are either completely sidelined for the final battles, or else just hacking away mindlessly in the background as you marathon one ridiculously easy “boss” after another Olympus Coliseum-style.

Speaking of resurrecting characters: the manner in which they brought some of them back was so nebulous it was impossible to understand, let alone experience any sort of emotional reaction.

For one: Roxas. For starters, it’s pretty lazy writing to have Sora be the one pursuing his return (however that was supposed to happen), only to have that pursuit peter out completely, and for Roxas to just appear at the final battle with no resolution or explanation of how. (Nor the satisfaction of fleshing out how Sora achieved it.) But more importantly, where did he come from? There was no scene in which he emerged from Sora’s being. So, where was he? Also, I get that they must have used the replica Demyx/Ansem brought Ienzo as a vessel for him, but how does he have his own heart now? There was no evidence to indicate Sora or Ven lost theirs again. This is a pretty glaring plot hole.

Second? Naminé. This one really came out of left field. No one had even spoken about Naminé the entire game, save one throwaway line. Then all of a sudden, near the very end of the game, everyone cares about bringing her back, too? Even Sora, despite his hours-long obsession with bringing back Roxas without a word about Naminé, sees a newly empty vessel and asks “Oh, is that for Naminé?” All I could do at this point was laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Even more confusing? Xion. She was a replica, with no heart, no personality... a walking vial for Sora’s memories. How on Earth did she get brought back? What was there to bring back? And what was the point? Xion always felt far more like a plot device than an actual character.

At this point, so little made sense and so many characters had appeared in a row with no regard for continuity or maintaining canon that my heart was really starting to sink. It all felt like it was meant to be fan service. Bring back everyone’s favorite characters: they’ll love that, right? But the issue is they did it no matter what rules they had to break, or canon they had to ignore. Sure, I wanted a lot of these characters back, I think a lot of people did. But not at the expense of good writing.

Even if one completely excuses the hole-filled poor writing that got us there, it didn’t even feel real that we had these awesome characters back. Because they just sort of existed, as high-def cool anime hair and porcelain skin and not much else. Not only did they not get to show us what they’re made of in epic fight sequences, but there was no meaningful dialogue from any of them. Where was Terra giving his friends any sort of recollection of his time as Ansem’s guardian? Riku and Roxas making amends? Aqua thanking Sora for keeping Ven safe? A brofest about protecting their friends between Riku and Terra? Axel saying anything at all meaningful to his best friend when he finally saw him again? For all the reunions we got, it was shocking how little substance there actually was in any of them.

It was an insanely rushed ending, with stunted, shallow dialogue, and awkward tears that felt forced rather than genuine.

KH3 is to KH1&2 what Moffat Who is to RTD Who. A lot more flash, a lot less substance, and hollowed out characters that no longer provoke deep emotion.

Characters’ emotions were not handled well in this game. Like when Sora, notorious for being a persistent optimist, dissolves to hysterics and claims he’s “nothing” without his friends. But we never get to see this sharp departure from his M.O. (because he has lost his friends over and over throughout the series without reacting this way) really wrestled with. It’s just swept under the rug after a single line from Riku. It’s okay for characters to hit rock bottom: in fact, it’s good for them. But such episodes have to be properly fleshed out, or they won’t have an impact.

Also, just my two cents? Making your characters cry is not a shortcut to get your audience to cry. It’s a lazy way of demonstrating feeling. In the writing world, there’s something called “show, don’t tell.” Making characters cry left and right with hardly any time devoted to the proper dialogue and action is the equivalent of telling, rather than showing. This series is unique to me precisely because it’s the only video game to make me cry (repeatedly). But I didn’t shed a tear in this game. And I think that is so telling. I always think of this behind the scenes video I watched for Doctor Who, in which they filmed different versions of a (very) emotional scene. In one of these versions, the Doctor properly breaks down and cries. David (the actor) upon seeing this version played back to him, said: “I worry if you see him breaking down, it stops you breaking down, as well.” He was onto something there. They didn’t end up using that take in the episode, and I think everyone would agree it was the right call. I’m not saying crying is inherently bad and always to be avoided. In fact, the opposite: it can be very powerful if used sparingly, and at the right moments with the right build-up. But overusing it, with no apparent regard for characterization nuances, basically making it your only method for tell your audience a character is emotional? It’s a little insulting. You also need good dialogue, good acting (or in this case, good animation and voice acting), and proper timing if you want to strike a chord with anyone.

Which, speaking of, I thought both the dialogue and the voice acting in the game as a whole left something to be desired (and seemed almost painfully slow?), and I think a big reason why emotional moments tended to ring hollow.

Onto another aspect of the story: how it ties in to earlier installments in the series. There was a fair amount of speculation going into this game whether or not smaller, handheld-console based installments and extra nuggets from mobile games and re-releases would be relevant in KH3. But regardless of which side of the argument fans fell on, the fact remains that many fans had only played KH1 and KH2, possibly BBS, prior to playing KH3. Many people don’t have the money or the interest in playing on multiple handheld consoles (me being one of them, though I toughed it out in this case) or cell phones, nor the tireless dedication and yes, more money, to purchase games a second time for Final Mix versions and secret endings. This is not a bad thing. It doesn’t mean they are bad fans, or less deserving of playing or enjoying KH3. Someone should not have to be a zealous super-fan to be able to enjoy a video game, or any form of entertainment. If you show up to Avengers: Endgame without having seen some of the previous major installments in the film franchise, you are probably going to be confused. I don’t recommend doing that. But is it necessary to have re-watched them all 20 times, speculated for hours on blogs and message boards, and read decades worth of Avengers comics to be able to understand it? Of course not. Though some insufferable comic book elitists insist they’re better than everyone else because they know more about the Marvel universe, the fact is you don’t have to be a Marvel super-fan to enjoy the films. That’s how it should be. Because it’s okay to be a casual fan of something. Content creators normally recognize this, and respect all of their audience. But here, there was critical information from pretty much every spinoff handheld game that you needed in order to have any idea what was going on. There wasn’t even any recap system like in KH2 (the static memories) to get you up to speed on what had happened in the series up until this point. Not to mention the location of the final boss fight, as well as the very last cutscenes centered around a mobile game/movie that I had never even heard of until I was in the middle of playing KH3. Now I am something of a KH geek as I said, so I’ve sat through Union Cross now and done my best to understand some of the more obscure lore. But, call me crazy, I don’t think it’s fair to expect every single person who plays the game to do that in order to understand it. Games are supposed to be fun, not homework.

Which brings me to my last point: this game was supposed to be the end of the saga as we know it. Whether it’s the end of the series or simply the end of this story arc and subsequent games will follow a villain besides the many iterations of Xehanort is yet to be seen (as of me writing this), but it was established this game would be the end to the main trilogy so far. And, to have that end be the main character swanning off on his own (as some have speculated, possibly to his death)? With everyone else from the series partying on the beach like someone important isn’t missing? As someone who came into this game expecting closure, I felt completely blindsided by this ending. After all he’s been through and all the sacrifices he’s made, Sora deserves better.

Kingdom Hearts 3 was visually and mechanically a blast, and credit should go to the developers, artists, and designers where credit is due. But as a fan who plays this series not for graphics or flashy gameplay, but to immerse myself in the story, I’m left feeling cheated. The way the plot unfolded and the way the characters were handled did a disservice to both long-time fans of the saga and to the characters themselves.

I always have a hard time with this, but if I had to put a number to it? I’d say maybe 6/10.

It hurt just to type that.

I’m not giving up hope in the franchise. If there’s ever a KH4 (which still seems unclear right now), I’ll probably still play it. I’m trying to give the creators the benefit of the doubt: they were under a lot of pressure to create a great game, and had too much time in development on their hands and too many sprawling ideas and tried to do too much at once. I’m all for second chances. But if they want the trust of fans like me back, they’re going to have to earn it.

Over the last couple months as I’ve put together this review, I’ve found myself in doubt. Even, dare I say it, like a bad fan, though in principle I vehemently reject the notion someone is a bad fan for disliking an installment of any franchise they love. Am I just too old for Kingdom Hearts now? I wondered. Was I romanticizing the series the whole time, and it’s not as good as I’ve built it up to be in my head? After all my time spent waiting, am I being too critical? I tortured myself over it. So, a couple of weeks after finishing KH3, I popped in the 1.5/2.5 HD compilation into the PS4 and restarted KH2. I had to see if it even came close to the hype I’d built in my head in the 8 or 9 years since I played it last. Almost 60 hours of gameplay later, I can say with confidence that I had not romanticized it at all. This game is amazing. I didn’t mind watching 30 minutes of cutscenes at a time because everything is so compelling. So the graphics are dated, but who cares? The combat is FUN without ever being cumbersome. It’s just the right level of difficulty that there are still some battles and bosses that require multiple attempts and the journey continuously instills a sense of pride and accomplishment. It has so much heart. I still teared up in the same places I used to as a teenager.

KH2 is still a perfect 10/10, and playing it again with fresh eyes only made me realize just how disappointing KH3 actually was.

There’s an old adage that it’s the things we love most that hurt us the most. I wouldn’t feel so let down, or compelled to write 6800 words why, if I didn’t love this series with all my heart. I’ve seen a lot of fans insulting and belittling anyone who dares to criticize the game online, and frankly I’m baffled by that. I critique and discuss all forms of entertainment I enjoy: and that includes both the strengths and weaknesses, the successes and flaws. And I guess I tend to associate with people who do the same. It doesn’t make us bad fans, but passionate ones. I’m not sending hate mail to Square telling them the game unequivocally sucks. I don’t have any ill will towards them or think they’re irredeemable writers or developers. I’m simply recording and posting my honest thoughts to help myself process how I’m feeling, and perhaps others if they choose to read them.

I’m genuinely happy for the fans who loved the game and felt it worth the wait – I don’t want to pick any fights with them (so please don’t pick any fights with me, either). I’m sadly - believe me, no one is sadder than me to admit this - just not one of them.

#kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 3 #kh meta #kh3 #kh #idk if any of my followers play but #there aren't many places i can post such a long review #so my old blog seemed an appropriate place #written by yours truly

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tzhaar-ket · 7 years

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Ket’s bosses of Dark Souls 3

Written by a terrible Dark Souls player who never played any previous Dark Souls beforehand

21. High Lord Wolnir - This boss was the most disappointing boss in the whole game, after fighting through the catacombs (which by the way are super cool) this is the boss you are greeted with... Hit his rings a few times and he falls into the abyss. With minions more annoying then him I just didn’t think this boss was very hard nor very good

20. Deacons of the Deep - Between two playthroughs this boss has still never killed me (making it the only one to do so). Before playing Dark Souls 3 I heard that this boss was very disappointing and I agree 100%, the fight is not interesting nor very tough, with basic mobs that always respawn and one that becomes super charged sometimes it didn’t make for a very interesting encounter

19. Ancient Wyvern - Urghhhhhh, this boss is such a let-down, after travelling to Archdragon Peak this is the first boss you are faced with? AND YOU DON’T EVEN REALLY FIGHT IT (I mean you could of course, but as with Yhorm, it is not the way you are supposed to fight it) instead you traipse around the arena climbing various ladder and stairs until you are on a broken bridge on top of the dragon’s head, from here just jump and hope you land on his head which will instantly kill it. It is like the developers made the boss specifically designed to teach you that the basic mobs of Archdragon peak are complete nightmares to deal with in large numbers

18. Curse-Rotted Greatwood - Not much to say about the Greatwood, a pretty normal boss fight, different than any boss fought before it due to it having weak spots that must be hit but at the same time it’s attacks are slow and easy to dodge, the second phase is more of a challenge for the stage of the game that it is in but it still suffers from the same problems, not that bad of a boss but a bit too easy, even for a player who has never played another Dark Souls game prior

17. Crystal Sage - I died to this boss more times in my second playthrough than any other boss combined, mostly because I HATE magic attacks, I cannot dodge them to save my life... Anyway this boss doesn’t really have anything special to offer other than having a mirage phase where one of them is real and the others aren’t, it does hit hard for the stage of the game that it is in and can be a pain to deal with sometimes, other than that is is no a terrible boss fight

16. Yhorm the Giant - Being one of the most hyped up bosses in the game, being featured in the opening cutscene and being a lord of cinder and what do you have to do to kill him? run to the end of the room, pick up the sword, navigate your inventory and equip said sword and then blast away at Yhorm’s HP until he died, this makes the fight laughably easy for the late stage of the game that this area is in, I understand it is a Demon Souls callback and all but it feels unsatisfying killing Yhorm this way. At least this is the end point for Siegward’s storyline (which I loved), that makes the fight almost good

15. Champion's Gravetender & Gravetender Greatwolf - A disappointing boss for an overall disappointing DLC, this boss is basically an NPC invader who summons in a giant wolf to fight midway through the battle, this makes the battle 10 times harder as the wolf is fast and hits hard, the reward being the ability to partake in the PvP arena though makes this optional boss worth killing

14. Vordt of the Boreal Valley - The boss has the same problems as the Greatwood, with his attacks being a bit slow and easy to dodge, that is until phase 2 where this boss goes berserk, charging around the room and running over anything in its path, this boss was the first boss that surprised me and for that reason I do like this boss quite a lot

13. Iudex Gundyr - Being the first Dark Souls game that I ever played, this boss kicked my ass for hours (about 3 to be exact) so I do love this boss for that reason, not much of a challenge for any returning Souls players but for a newcomer this boss is your first step into the world that is dying over and over again but still wanting to try again, and again, and again...

12. Old Demon King - Probably the quickest boss of any to get to and also one of the easiest to defeat, however the attacks are all pretty punishing and the area that this demon resides is one of my favourite in the game, with the arena scattered with corpses of defeated demons, when the king is on his last legs and seeing him try to lift his hammer off the floor and failing almost makes you feel sorry for killing him in the end

11 . Oceiros, the Consumed King - I love this boss, mainly because it is vocal during the fight which is unlike any other boss in the game, it is a bit on the easy side and the area that this boss resides is small and also doesn’t garner much whilst exploring it, however this boss gives access to two other parts of the game, both of which are among my favourite parts of Dark Souls 3

10. Aldrich, Devourer of Gods - This boss never gave me any trouble in either playthroughs (mostly because it is super weak to fire) but I do love the attacks that this boss does, it is almost as elegant as the dancer during this fight with the sword swings being slow but fast at the same time, the arrow rain attacks that this boss does wins my award of most annoying attack in the game but I am also a sucker for an arrow rain attack as it always looks amazing and this is no different

9. Soul of Cinder - The final boss of the game is... surprisingly easy? But also one of the best looking and most dynamic boss fights in the game, having the boss switch between weapons mid-fight keeps the player on their toes and changing up their attack style with each change of weapon, the second phase is also one of the most challenging parts of the game as there are some combos that can end your life very quickly if you are not paying attention, overall a very nice end to Dark Souls 3

8. Champion Gundyr - Having the starting area come back in the later game is such a good choice by the developers, especially since this was my first Souls game, I was so happy to go back to the start of my adventure but this time the place is in complete darkness and there are new enemies in the area, oh also Gundyr is back and has been buffed by an absurd amount, this boss bought me back the start of my adventure of Dark Souls 3, dying over and over again to the first boss, his attacks are very strong and extremely rapid (probably the boss is in the game who gives you the least amount of time between attacks), great boss fight

7. Sister Friede - It has a phase 3? OH IT HAS A PHASE 3! I would say to my friends whilst fighting this boss. That moment will stay with me for a long while, being the only boss to do that breaks the mould and I love the boss for that. Being the final boss of the first DLC made the rest of the disappointing DLC all worth it

6. Lorian, Elder Prince & Lothric, Younger Prince - Being the final enemy for most before facing the final boss of the storyline these two do not mess around, the first phase is pretty simple once you get used to it but Lorian having the ability to teleport means that you will be battling the first phase for a good few attempts, and then comes phase 2 which is so punishing, basically any time that you face it, having both strong melee attacks and also magic attacks at the same time makes for a very unique and interesting battle, not to forget it is very, very difficult. Also, great job killing the Demon prince, Lorian ;)

5. Pontiff Sulyvahn - I CAN NEVER DODGE HIS FIRST ATTACK! Right from the beginning of Irithyll you know this place means business, the step up from the catacombs to Irithyll is enormous, in my first playthrough I was stuck on the first 3 enemies (yeah you know the ones) for a good 30 minutes or so, after a while they don’t become a problem however, that is until you meet Pontiff, basically a beefed-up version of these basic Irithyll enemies with 2 swords (which looks amazing), even seeing him from the far end of the room as you enter the fog wall for the first time is enough for a player to want out, he is quick, punishing but if you manage to get a parry off it will feel amazing, did I not mention there are 2 of him later on?

4. Abyss Watchers - The first real boss battle in Dark Souls 3 I felt, and ohhhh boy is it a favourite of mine, fighting one of the watchers is enough of a challenge but oh wait there are 2 of them! Wait... 3? and is he fighting for me? This boss was fun right from the very beginning and phase 2 is very tough for an enemy this early into the game, having no previous Dark Souls experience I was stuck on this boss for an hour or so, I really started to love this game during this boss fight, maybe that is why it ranks so highly

3. Dancer of the Boreal Valley - Honestly I am not sure why everyone says that this boss is so difficult (I know it mixes up the attacks by having a random speed) but I had no trouble with this boss, never the less I adore this boss fight, I had heard nothing about this fight from my friends beforehand and so after defeating Aldrich and being teleported near the start of the game had me very confused, after initiating the cutscene I knew it was going to be a major boss battle. The way the dancer walks around the arena is both elegant and terrifying as it is so different that any other boss in the Dark Souls 3, the attacks are also elegant and the swirl that the dancer does after entering phase 2 is probably my favourite attack in the game.

2. Dragonslayer Armour - I don’t know why I love this boss as much as I do... It is not challenging and is fairly standard by Souls standards but it really struck a tone with me. The attacks are all punishing but are easily dodgeable and the armour gives many opportunities to attack but the arena is probably the coolest looking and the armour itself looks amazing, I don’t know why I love this boss really, it is a strange one

1. Nameless King - I LOVE this boss so much, everything from how you summon him to the cutscene at the end is just perfection, this boss should be the ‘final’ boss of the game (and I know by some people it is treated as such), the final challenge of Dark Souls 3 as it were (at least until The Ringed City releases). After having my ass handed to me multiple times just fighting phase 1 on my first playthrough, having the second phase for the first time in the game felt great, I remember thinking YES there is more of this boss, I never wanted to see it go, but beating it is a fantastic feeling

#Dark Souls #long post #jfc I wrote so much...

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