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robininthelabyrinth · 5 months

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The Other Mountain - ao3 - Chapter 32

Pairing: Lan Qiren/Wen Ruohan

Warning Tags on Ao3

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Dear Shixiong,

Welcome back! I hope you had a very enriching and meaningful year in seclusion.

I wanted to –

(Note to self: when you write the second BETTER version of this, add some formal greetings & well-wishes here first before you get to the actual stuff. DO NOT forget this time! EVEN IF it’s boring! Remember that Shixiong likes it when you’re being properly formal!)

I know it’s a little inappropriate to leave a letter under your doorstep for you to read as soon as you rejoin the world. I know you’re supposed to be spending your final moments of seclusion and your first moments of coming back to the rest of the community in thoughtful contemplation, considering the concepts of transition and the transient nature of time, not immediately getting shoved head-first into the petty matters of the world. I would never want to interrupt you while you do that, since I know how important it is to you, and to your cultivation, and I would definitely never ever EVER do it lightly.

I even admit that sending you a letter like this could maybe be seen as a violation of Do not use frivolous words.

Despite all of that, I hope you can forgive your favorite Shidi for the impertinence. In case all of that wasn’t clear enough, this is Lan Zhijin writing to you. You remember, Lan Yueheng’s eldest son? Lan Yanyu’s little brother? The one who used to always follow you around everywhere -

I assure you, I actually have a very good reason for deviating from tradition in this case. After all, tradition is only tradition, and the rules supersede it, particularly Appreciate good people, see friends as neighbors, and be considerate of others. Also, if you disagree with my evaluation and decide that you’re going to report me to the Discipline Hall anyway, can you at least tell them not to hit too many times, okay? Scratch that, tell them kneeling is sufficient, no hits at all! I’m acting in good faith here, Shixiong, really!

Listen, when you read the rest of this, you’ll see what I mean, and you’re going to thank me for doing this for you, I promise -

You see, Shixiong, ever since you entered strict seclusion a year ago, there have been a number of changes in the Cloud Recesses which are rather more significant than the usual. To put it mildly

I know you must be thinking to yourself, ‘How much can things really have changed? It’s the Cloud Recesses, the Gusu Lan sect, it’s been the same for generation upon generation’ and before you complain, this isn’t a breach of Don’t make assumptions about others, I just know you and of course you’d be right. The fundamental core of our Gusu Lan sect is still there, still going strong, and there are even a few new rules on the Wall of Discipline, as you might have expected. But despite that, there have also been some fairly significant events which have resulted in certain changes that are sufficiently noticeable, and maybe even shocking, that I think that you would want to be prepared in advance before you went out and encountered them.

It’s not gossip if it’s news, you know!

I’m doing this for your sake, Shixiong, really! Not because I want to be the first to tell you –

Really, it would be much funnier if I could see your face when you read this ACTUALLY. But Be easy on others, be hard on yourself is a rule so I won’t prioritize my own amusement over your well-being. See, Shixiong, that’s how much I like you –

First, when you come back, you may very quickly notice a considerable decrease in the average age of the people you see. By this, I mean that you will probably notice pretty quickly that there aren’t any elders walking about the place stroking their beards and talking about the weather and sometimes lecturing innocent juniors who really didn’t mean to break the rule about running, they were just a little bit excited –

It’s not a violation of Talking behind the backs of others is prohibited if it’s true, Shixiong.

Well, when you notice it, rest assured that you aren’t missing anything, and you aren’t just seeing things. There really aren’t any elders around! They’re all temporarily absent, having each and every one of them either retreated into seclusion to go contemplate and cultivate themselves, or else out into the world to increase their virtue through night-hunts and other beneficent acts. Which you really wouldn’t have expected a bunch of old grandpas that usually like to sit around to play weiqi and gossip all day to be able to do but there you go. Don’t make assumptions, right?? Why would they do this, you may ask? Particularly in such numbers? Especially the ones who tended to be a bit more full of themselves? That’s a very good question. You may even now be thinking of all sorts of reasons and engaging in lots of speculation wondering what happened.

Well, you can count on your shidi for the answer, Shixiong, since there is absolutely NO way you are going to be able to guess. EVER. So I’m going to tell you out of the kindness of my heart what happened.

And what happened is this: the elders are all gone because Teacher came back and gave them such an incredibly harsh talking-to for breaking the rules that they all felt so bad about themselves that they decided they needed to do some self-reflection.

Yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds. I KNOW! But on the other hand you’ve got to give it to Teacher, he’s REALLY good at scolding people – you know the type the ones that make you feel both really guilty, like he expected you to do better because he knows you’re better than that, but also really proud, because he has full confidence that you will do better going forward because you’re good like that – anyway, the point is, they all temporarily resigned from their usual duties of supporting the sect through advice and counsel and went to go do other things. All of them. Every single one of them!

Except for one that we’re all pretty sure Teacher just flat-out killed.

Yes, killed. As in dead. As in totally dead. That’s crazy, right? Teacher! Teacher! LAN QIREN! Old righteous and rigid! Who would have thought he had it in him, right???

Trust me, I know it sounds crazy and I know how crazy it sounds, too. If I hadn’t seen it myself – okay, no, Do not tell lies– if I hadn’t seen Teacher come back to the Cloud Recesses with his Someone Did Something Wrong And It’s Actually Serious This Time face, go meet with all the sect elders, and then leave half a day later, and then not very long after there was the announcement about the funeral and Lan Zhengquan wasn’t even that old, okay, and then all the sect elders were talking about their resignation – oh drat, I haven’t explained why Teacher would be coming back yet –

On second thought, let me start from the beginning chronologically, as that may make things a little more less confusing. [Note to self: do NOT send this version of the letter to Shixiong. Remember what Teacher said – use one piece of paper to write down all of your ideas, figure out which ones you want to use and where, and only then use the second to write your final version with elegance and restraint.]

Okay, so –

I need to stop starting sentences like that, it’s actually not a very good transition. Do better!

Do you remember all those times when we were younger when we’d talk with all the other disciples about the Sect Leader? Not Teacher, since he was only ever technically acting sect leader, but the real one, Qingheng-jun, you know, the one who went into seclusion something like ten or eleven years ago and never seemed to come back out? Anyway, remember how we all said that he sounded really cool what with the way everyone always talked about his amazing swordsmanship skills and his handsome looks and the way he was supposed to be both smart and personable and really clever? Remember about how we all said that it sounded like it would be super awesome and cool if he ever came out of seclusion?

Well, about half a month after you went into seclusion, he really did come out.

It was NOT COOL AT ALL.

I mean, okay, it wasn’t that bad, I guess. The Sect Leader really is very smooth and charming and he’s an amazing swordsman from what little I saw, but obviously he’s also Sect Leader and very busy so I didn’t see very much of him at all. But it was so weird! He did everything so differently from Teacher! And not in good ways, I didn’t like it them at all, but in all sorts of weird ways, like the curriculum or discipline or sect priorities.

Shixiong, the older disciples nearly went to WAR!

If you had to go your mother would have been so upset! I would have been upset! I mean, what if you’d gotten hurt or something! I was so happy you were in seclusion and didn’t have to go. Not that I’m saying it’s a good thing you missed out on everything – wait, I got sidetracked.

Everyone was really excited to see the Sect Leader at first, especially the elders that remembered him well from before, and the seniors that were his friends from before he went away. It was a little sad, though, because Madam Lan had just died – you remember, his wife, the one who was sick and never came out? – and little Xichen and Wangji were really sad about that, as you can imagine. And since Teacher is the one raising them, he was really busy dealing with that, or trying to as much as he could, so maybe he didn’t have as much time to tell him about how things in the Cloud Recesses were supposed to work normally.

Personally I think it’s a little weird that the Sect Leader came out right at that time? I mean, his wife had just died! You’d think he’d have more reason to be in seclusion, grieving, rather than less. Jiejie said that some people deal with grief by needing to do work, so maybe that’s the reason? I mean, I don’t really understand why he went into seclusion for so long in the first place, and none of the seniors will explain. Shixiong, if you know, you have to promise to tell me, all right?

I’m sure Teacher would have eventually gotten around to explaining, which might have made it all right, but unfortunately, not long after, Teacher went into seclusion.

Before you start telling me Do not tell lies, I know it sounds weird, but it really did happen!

And no, I don’t mean seclusion like all those times Teacher tried to take a half-month off of work in order to go play music, which don’t really count because he was in his own house and you could still ask him questions as long as you sent them to him by writing, and he was still grading tests and doing sect paperwork (last time around I helped pick it up every morning and drop off the new requests every night, and ooh boy was there a lot of it, you should’ve seen, I NEVER want to be sect leader!!!), and of course Xichen and Wangji were still visiting him every day for dinner. In other words, definitely NOT seclusion. Anyway, I don’t think Teacher actually managed to stay in his house the whole half-month even a single time he tried it, so it really doesn’t count.

No, in this case, I’m talking about real serious business seclusion, like what you have been doing for the past year, the sort where you don’t talk to people on the outside and not even answer notes from your favorite shidi when they get shoved through your window, because you’re mean like that. Would sending one note back really have killed you…?

There were a lot of rumors at the time about why he did that. It just seemed so weird, you know, and badly timed? I’m not saying Teacher isn’t entitled to go into seclusion whenever he wants, of course he is, and he’s even entitled to go into seclusion to have a nice relaxing break because his brother is back and willing to take over sect leader duties, the way some of the sect elders seemed to suggest was the situation, but…it seemed weird and wrong.

I mean, what about poor Xichen and Wangji? Their mother just died! They were so upset already, especially Wangji – he was refusing to talk and tried to sit outside in the snow and it was awful, Shixiong, really awful. And then Teacher, who’s been raising them like they’re his own sons all this time, suddenly goes into seclusion? Something was definitely going on there! Something wrong!

Jiejie says I have a suspicious personality.

Someone claimed that Teacher got into a fight with the Sect Leader and the Sect Leader ordered Teacher to go into seclusion to reflect on himself, as a punishment, but that’s completely crazy, right? I mean, it’s Teacher. Even if he’s going to break a rule, he’s going to do it having drafted his own punishment in advance, and I’m pretty sure he’s never picked seclusion as a punishment. Probably because of all that paperwork.

Someone else said it was because he was actually on a super-secret mission for the sect to do something, but that didn’t really seem reasonable either. I mean, Teacher’s great and all, but he’s not really the super-secret mission sort of person, is he? He’s a little too straightforward.

Anyway, we were all really curious, but no one ever figured it out. The Sect Leader just smiled kind of a weird smile honestly, I’m not going to lie, and even jiejie agrees with me so you know it was really weird and shook his head whenever he heard people speculating, but that doesn’t really mean anything. I guess we’ll never really know. The sect elders never tell people anything if they think they don’t need to know it…

At any rate, as you might expect, the situation with Xichen and Wangji only got worse after Teacher went into seclusion. Xichen got super anxious about everything, really anxious, and Wangji reverted back to biting people and throwing temper tantrums, really bad ones, like some sort of feral street child. He even hit people! None of the teachers or caretakers could do anything to make him stop.

And Teacher didn’t break his seclusion to come help them, which makes it even more suspicious, in my opinion. It just seems so unlike him…I really wish a-Die had been around instead of on that long trip down to the south to get ingredients. He was always one of the few people who could talk to Teacher about things, and he’s always willing to tell me things he hears. My best source of gossip I mean my best source of NEWS abandoned me in my time of need!

Everyone was speculating an awful lot, though, and of course the teachers were handing out punishments for No talking behind the backs of others left, right, and center. And also down, up, and upside-down, but it still didn’t stop anyone.

One time, our whole class derailed because some of the older students wouldn’t stop talking about it in the context of discussing the importance of Honor your teacher and respect his teaching. It was super interesting and really quite clever, but I think it maybe made the teacher kind of uncomfortable? Probably because they were being really aggressive and pointed about some stuff, though I’m not entirely sure what point they were trying to make. That was one of the better teachers, though, because he let us have the debate anyway. Some of the other teachers just canceled class any time someone started talking about it or made us do self-study or whatever. Even after I pointed out that we were starting to miss things on the curriculum Teacher set out at the start of the year, no one seemed to care!

It occurs to me that you don’t care about any of this, so I’ll leave it out of the final version.

After Teacher went into seclusion, a lot of things began changing. At first it seemed just like curriculum changes, like there was a lot more sword training than usual, and also a lot of the seniors got really busy all of a sudden, so we juniors had to pick up a lot more of the chores. But later on we found out that the seniors were getting ready to go out on a super important mission that no one was allowed to know the details of – which was very exciting, at first. Everyone was talking about how it was the Sect Leader’s doing, that it was going to be something really exciting, an opportunity to win glory and honor for our Gusu Lan sect, you know, all the usual.

Except later on (much later, I’m skipping ahead a little), it turned out that the mission was going to be a war. Yes, a war, an affirmative war, by our Gusu Lan sect! I know, it sounds unbelievable, but it’s true. It was supposed to be a little border skirmish, the type everyone does well we usually don’t but OTHER PEOPLE do, but still, there was a lot of preparation and a lot of the seniors got dragged into it, whether they wanted to participate or not.

And before I forget, Xichen and little Wangji, remember how I said they were unhappy? Well, it turned out they were SO unhappy that they ran away from home. For real! They’re not even ten yet! And they MANAGED it! They managed to get out of the Cloud Recesses and all the way to the Nightless City where Teacher was staying!

Actually I’m kind of impressed with that. Even if Cangse Sanren found them nearby by coincidence and took them with her, ending up in the Nightless City by accident because of the war and all that, it’s still an achievement, especially given their ages…

Yes, you read that right, the war stuff happened after they disappeared. It wasn’t that people weren’t looking for them, because of course they were, but then the Sect Leader came back and said not to worry, so people stopped because they thought he knew where they were, and presumably he’d heard from Cangse Sanren or maybe from Teacher about it. I don’t know, the whole thing confuses me, I still don’t understand why we needed to go to war at all – I’m getting away from the point.

And lest you think that’s everything, there’s more to it than that!

See, at some point, Teacher left seclusion to go get married.

Without telling anyone.

Yes, Teacher. Yes, a marriage. Yes, left – he married out, not in. Yes, it was a secret marriage.

YES I KNOW IT’S CRAZY BUT IT’S TRUE!!!

The Sect Leader must have known about it, of course, because he’s both Sect Leader, the head of the clan, and Teacher’s older brother, and we all know that Teacher would never fail to obey proper protocol even if he was going to run off to elope.

Shixiong, I swear I go a little more crazy every time I think about it. I can’t believe Teacher eloped! Teacher! TEACHER!!!

Jiejie says that it’s possible that the Sect Leader arranged the marriage for Teacher, rather than it being at Teacher’s instigation, and that maybe he decided it wasn’t enough to make him go into seclusion but rather that he had to go away entirely. And she says I have a suspicious mind…

I mean, that would be ridiculous, right? If it was an arranged marriage, why would Teacher agree to it? Much less to marry out? And the Sect Leader would have to be the rottenest sort of bastard to set up an arranged marriage and then not give any of us the chance to give Teacher a proper send off, and he’s presumably not like that. I mean, that’s based mostly on my experience with Xichen and Wangji since obviously I’ve never met the Sect Leader myself, but it stands to reason, right? Teacher’s his little brother! No one would be that mean to their little brother, right, Shixiong?

I swear that was a genuine question, not a hint.

But wait – if you think Teacher eloping in a grand romantic fashion is weird, just wait till you find out who it was that he married. See, normally this is when I’d tell you to try to guess, Shixiong, but there’s no way that you’d get it, not even if you guessed a thousand times! And that’s why I’m your favorite shidi, because I’m not going to leave you in suspense about it.

The answer is:

Teacher married Qishan Wen’s Sect Leader Wen.

And before you ask, no, there hasn’t been some sort of coup in Qishan Wen or something. I really am talking about Wen Ruohan. Yes, THAT Wen Ruohan. The Wen Ruohan with the torture palace and the professional army and his fingers in every sect’s pie, the one who’s older than dirt but looks like a pretty boy, except you’re not supposed to say that part out loud. The one that everyone says is completely crazy but also really sneaky and clever, the one everyone says is going to take over the cultivation world one day and oh boy have I got news on that front for you, just be patient –

But you want to know what’s even stranger?

(Yes, Shixiong, I know you must be thinking to yourself: what could be stranger than Teacher marrying Sect Leader Wen?? And in fairness in normal times you’d be right to ask, because that was incredibly strange, but in this instance, the world is weirder than you could have possibly imagined!)

At the discussion conference that wasn’t – wait, I’m getting ahead of myself again

After they eloped, Teacher showed up with Sect Leader Wen to a discussion conference that Yunmeng Jiang sect had organized at the Lotus Pier, and that’s where they ended up announcing their marriage.

(Yes, that was the first announcement we had here, too. The Sect Leader didn’t tell anyone about Teacher marrying out, even though he must have known – he didn’t even pretend to be shocked, to hear some of the people who were at the discussion conference tell it. I guess that’s brotherly solidarity for you. Or something?)

Anyway, while they were there, they didn’t just formally announce the marriage – they also announced that Teacher had been married in as the husband. The HUSBAND!!!

Which, yes, means that Sect Leader Wen is the wife.

His wife.

And Sect Leader Wen agreed with it.

Which means: Wen Ruohan! Is! Teacher’s wife!!!

(As you might imagine, everyone immediately went to the library to read up on the rules regarding honoring your teacher’s wife. There was that one treatise written a few generations ago, the one that goes into detail, you may or may not remember it – well, it got so popular that the librarians had to make a request to the Discipline Hall for assistance in having the disciples who were assigned to writing out lines to make extra copies of it. There was such a fuss over it that I think it even got to the ears of the Sect Leader! I don’t know what he thought about it, but I bet it was really funny. Don’t you agree?)

Anyway, I’m going to let you pause to think about that a little bit more.

Wen Ruohan! The master of torture, the near-god, the would-be madman tyrant…is, to all appearances, extremely happy in his role as our Teacher’s beloved little wife!

I mean, I have no problem believing it of Teacher, if you know what I mean – everyone knows that when Teacher says jump, you say how high, it’s practically an unstated rule, and of course Teacher has always been very doting when it comes to people he loves. Look at how meticulous he’s always been about Xichen and Wangji! I bet that now that he’s married, he probably spoils his wife rotten…not that I think that Sect Leader Wen is easy to spoil. I mean, just think about the size of that dowry, right?

I mean, the Qishan Wen sect is all Sect Leader Wen’s, and he doesn’t even have sect elders to worry about because he’s so old and powerful. Even his wives don’t cause trouble and by all accounts seem to be pretty content with Teacher managing him, which is only reasonable, because Teacher managing anything makes it better. Practically a rule. Qishan Wen really are the sun in the sky, spreading their influence everywhere – I think they control a third of the cultivation world, if not closer to half.

Well back then anyway, before everything went down…I shouldn’t have crossed that out.

Well, it would be correct to say that Qishan Wen controlled a third or maybe a half of the cultivation world before you went into seclusion. There have been a few changes since then.

First off, before I get there, let me start with the mountain, and to explain the mountain, I need to explain the war. I unfortunately can’t tell you too much about exactly what was planned for the war, Shixiong, since I don’t actually know. The long and the short of it is that the Sect Leader decided we were going to have a border skirmish with one of the small independent sects, the sect elders didn’t object (or at least they didn’t succeed in objecting, which I personally think Teacher would have), and a lot of the seniors had to go to fight.

A lot of them were very stressed about it, some of them to the point of throwing up, but there wasn’t any choice. We were all so worried about them, Shixiong! Especially once all the other sects found out about it and it turned into a really big deal – we kept hearing all sorts of updates, about Lanling Jin hiring mercenaries and the local sects activating their defenses and the Wen sect’s army moving into the area – it was very frightening, Shixiong. I’m completely in earnest, it was terrifying. The thought of all of our shixiongs and shijies going to war and maybe getting hurt or even dying…I threw up once or twice myself, actually.

But don’t worry! Despite what a lot of us were afraid of, it all turned out all right in the end. Not because war isn’t as bad as we think it is, but rather because in the end we didn’t end up having to have a war at all.

There was an earthquake instead.

Some people said that it was caused by –

Well, some of the seniors were a little silly and believed –

There was this whole thing with Baoshan Sanren’s mountain supposedly moving –

In a somewhat amusing turn of events, Cangse Sanren, disciple of the celestial immortal mountain of Baoshan Sanren, apparently came by and made a joke that got a little out of hand –

Well, Teacher says that it was obviously a joke, anyway. But on the other hand, according to the seniors the timing was really suspicious and all, and also I think Teacher and Cangse Sanren are friends, so theoretically they could be engaged in some sort of cover-up, who even knows –

Listen, Shixiong, even if it’s fake it would be SO COOL if it were true –

There was an earthquake.

The earthquake was so powerful that it shook the foundations of one of the local mountains in the area (it was in a place called Xixiang, you wouldn’t have heard of it) and kicked off a terrible landslide, which was going to destroy the nearby towns and poison the local reservoir. I say ‘going to,’ because it didn’t, because Sect Leader Wen stopped it.

‘What are you talking about, Zhijin?’ I can hear you saying now. ‘Don’t be ridiculous, everyone knows that it’s impossible to fight a natural disaster, not even if you have a whole bunch of cultivators.’

WELL.

GUESS WHAT.

Turns out that when they say that Sect Leader Wen is powerful, they really, really mean it.

I mean, the entire cultivation world was absolutely shocked by what he did, so it wasn’t just a surprise to us. No one can entirely agree on what exactly he did or how he did it, but they do agree that he used some sort of secret cultivation art and just blasted all the rocks coming down from the mountain into dust before it could hit the towns.

Just…imagine that.

Shixiong, isn’t that so cool? And he’s our Teacher’s wife! Get it, Teacher!

Reminder: implications aren’t a violation of the rule against vulgar language.

Anyway, while or maybe shortly after Teacher’s wife fought a mountain and either won or at least got to a very respectable draw, a bunch of evil spirits (ghosts, spirits, corpses, everything) that had been hiding in the base of the mountain got out and started swarming everywhere. Luckily all the sects or at least many of them were already there, because they were expecting to have to go to war, and so everyone was able to go deal with them at once. It was a whole big thing! Everyone was fighting them, the whole cultivation world working together instead of competing against each other.

(Sadly something like that is not likely to happen ever again in either of our lifetimes outside of something artificial like a discussion conference or a big celebration. And we both missed this one, me because of age and you because of seclusion. Oh, well.)

Anyway, I wouldn’t be wasting your precious just-out-of-seclusion time with this update, Shixiong, unless I really thought it was important – I’m NOT gossiping just for the sake of gossiping – but rather I’m just giving you the background for all the stuff that happened after that. We’re talking big massive shifts in the entire cultivation world, Shixiong, stuff you really need to know about, you understand?

We’re talking about the change of power in multiple Great Sects, the rise of the Wen sect (well, continued rise anyway), and Teacher becoming the second or maybe first most important person in the entire cultivation world, which is so cool I sometimes think about it while daydreaming and then someone scolds me for violating Do not smile foolishly. I’m not the only one, either, everyone is violating that rule these days.

Now, because Do not tell lies,I will admit that I don’t know exactly what happened, since it’s still unclear – some things are really best left to later historians and record-keepers – but I can at least give you the general gist to the best of my understanding.

So, remember how I mentioned all those ghosts and spirits and corpses? Rumor has it that Lanling Jin’s Sect Leader Jin got possessed by one of them, apparently a libidinous ghost. Supposedly that’s how it got through all of his defenses as a cultivator and sect leader, because he was himself so libidinous that it attracted the ghost’s attention and it used that to get him. Jiejie says that it took the form of a beautiful woman and he couldn’t resist grabbing at her and THAT’S how it got him, which just goes to show that our ancestors were right about Do not indulge in debauchery and Promiscuity is forbidden.

It must have been a really super powerful ghost to manage to get to a sect leader like that, and it was a very vicious ghost, too, because it made Sect Leader Jin make a whole bunch of cursed gold coins which then got passed around to everyone in the cultivation world. It was really dangerous, Shixiong – everyone accepted them because it was polite (they were really ugly), but because they had a commemorative design, the sect elders were planning on letting people keep them. Imagine what might have happened if they hadn’t figured out that they were cursed! It would have been awful!

What we THINK happened is that the Sect Leader and Teacher must have met up somewhere on the battlefield and figured out something had gone wrong, somehow, because they were the ones that ultimately solved the issue. The Sect Leader went off to hunt down the libidinous ghost’s tracks, or at least that’s what must have happened because there’s no other reason why he would have just disappeared like that right after a big battle while Teacher and Sect Leader Wen went to investigate the rest of the cultivation world.

Maybe because Sect Leader Wen was the one who fought the mountain landslide, Sect Leader Jin the ghost possessing Sect Leader Jin also tried to have him killed right in the middle of the Lotus Pier. (Yunmeng Jiang sect was hosting a party to make up for the fact that everyone went home after the discussion conference; it’s not really important to the story, Shixiong, but if you have questions I’ll tell you all about it later because it is SOOOO funny). Teacher had to go rushing in to save his wife, like a hero rescuing a damsel in distress, a scene right out of a novel – I wish I was there to see that, even more than the mountain thing. Not because of how good a swordsman Teacher is (the Sect Leader is probably better, I GUESS) but, well, the idea of Teacher waving his sword around and charging in through a door to save his wife just sounds like it would have been amazing, right?

Especially because the wife is Sect Leader Wen. I mean, you’ve got to admit that’s funny, right??

After that, Sect Leader Wen took his army to Lanling City, Unfortunately, they weren’t in time to keep the libidinous ghost from killing Sect Leader Jin – supposedly he died in bed with a whole bunch of prostitutes because the ghost kept going and going until his heart exploded, if you know what I mean – and then possessing someone else, though I’m not sure exactly who. From what I hear, the Sect Leader ended up fighting and killing it in some sort of epic showdown, fighting side-by-side with Sect Leader Wen or something like that, but he was hurt really badly in the process and ended up dying.

Which is heroic and all, I guess, but also a little sad?

He spent so long in seclusion and died so shortly after he got out – it doesn’t seem fair.

Jiejie says that what actually killed the Sect Leader was more likely a broken heart. She says that even though the ghost must have been super powerful if it took over Sect Leader Jin, it wasn’t enough that it would have defeated our Sect Leader – certainly not with Sect Leader Wen to help out, even if he was still super tired from fighting the mountain – but that the Sect Leader was still so sad about his wife dying that he’d just wanted to do one last thing for the sect before he died, so when he defeated the ghost he was satisfied with what he’d done and so he died.

It sounds like a ridiculous load of romantic nonsense to me, but don’t tell Jiejie I said that –

On reflection, the suggestion made was a totally reasonable theory which I definitely don’t doubt in any way and also Jiejie says to say hi and best wishes on your return to you, Shixiong. Which I’m doing, because she’s the kindest, most beautiful and most forgiving jiejie in the world, with the sharpest eyes for READING OVER PEOPLE’S SHOULDERS, and also the one with the strongest pinching fingers with unerring aim right for my ear. Which still hurts.

Anyway.

My point is, think about that, Shixiong: both our Sect Leader and Sect Leader Jin died! And in our case, we didn’t even have Teacher around any more, because he married out, and then he comes back and does the most epic scolding in Gusu Lan history, causing all the sect elders to retire, leaving us completely bereft…!

It’s madness, Shixiong, I’m telling you, madness!

Okay, maybe not madness, I’m exaggerating. It could be much worse. At least we still have Teacher! Even if he is going to be mostly managing the sect providing advice on managing the sect from where he lives in the Nightless City, though of course they’re going to be promoting a lot of the sect seniors that were already doing things to do most of the day-to-day stuff (but more importantly we’ll still have Teacher, too, because Sect Leader Wen has already agreed that they’ll spend a little time out of every season or two in the Cloud Recesses, as needed, until Xichen and Wangji get old enough to start apprenticing as future sect leader/second-in-command).

Before you start worrying, Shixiong, we’re not actually becoming a subsidiary sect of Qishan Wen. Teacher would never let that happen.

Least of all to Xichen and Wangji, who are going to inherit it eventually!

Anyway, we’re still definitely in a better situation than, say, Lanling Jin, whose only option for sect leadership is a six-year-old child. His mother, Madam Jin, is temporarily acting as sect leader in his place, but given everything that happened with the ghost, Sect Leader Wen has stationed a battalion of his army at Jinlin Tower to make sure that nothing goes wrong.

Now THAT is called becoming a subsidiary sect, even if Lanling Jin will never admit it.

At this point, Shixiong, you may be thinking to yourself – wow! That’s a lot of change! The Qishan Wen sect has extended its influence over two Great Sects and all of their subsidiaries!

BUT THERE’S MORE.

It seems like, either during the events of Xixiang or shortly before, Qinghe Nie’s Sect Leader Nie suffered from a minor qi deviation – and you know how Qinghe Nie sect leaders tend to be with qi deviations. Anyway, since he’s friends with Teacher and Sect Leader Wen, they all put their heads together along with the Nie sect doctors and they seem to have come up with a way to keep him from having any more qi deviations. Now obviously I don’t know what that method is, since no matter how it was created, it’s officially a Qinghe Nie sect secret now, but what I do know is that whatever the method is, it involves Sect Leader Nie needing to retire from being sect leader in another year or so.

Apparently he’s going to go travel the world with Cangse Sanren and her husband, because he’s promised to kill some sort of beast for her in exchange for something that she’s doing for him that helps with his qi deviation problem. Jiejie says that Cangse Sanren is so funny that she can use jokes to make his qi travel right and that’s why he needs to be with her all the time, but that seems dumb, right? Maybe? DO NOT TELL JIEJIE OR SHE’LL GET MY EAR AGAIN.

Interestingly enough, Shixiong, they came to check out something in our Cloud Recesses’ library once, and it turns out that Cangse Sanren’s husband – you know, Wei Changze, formerly a servant in Yunmeng Jiang – is actually a historian with an interest in curses and unorthodox cultivation styles. Cool, huh? I think he’s going to stick around for a bit, too, or at least until he’s made his way through most of the library, which will take a while.

What this means, though, is that his son, Nie Mingjue, is going to have to take over, and he’s not even fifteen yet. I think? Maybe he is. He could even be older. You know how the Nie are. Either way, I don’t think the Nie sect is going to install a regent for him, but obviously, at that age, he’s probably going to need a lot of help in running sect matters. His father will be able to help somewhat, but otherwise he’s probably going to need to reach out to his sect’s allies.

Which, if you think about it, are: Gusu Lan and Qishan Wen.

And more specifically, Sect Leader Nie’s good friends, Teacher and Sect Leader Wen.

If you’re keeping track, that’s now three Great Sects that Qishan Wen has somehow managed to get its claws into (with Teacher’s help, which only goes to show you how awesome Teacher is).

Now, Shixiong, you may be thinking to yourself: ‘Okay, I think I see where this is going. Now tell me who died in Yunmeng Jiang!’

Well, I’m pleased to tell you: nobody died. They’re all okay. For once.

They’ve actually had a very positive change for the better. You see, apparently, Madam Yu or maybe we’re supposed to call her Madam Jiang now? Madam Yu got inspired by Sect Leader Wen being Teacher’s wife despite being more powerful and the proper sect bloodline and all that. She apparently went and demanded that Sect Leader Jiang let her be the husband, because she was more suited for the role than he was. And he AGREED!

(Only Yunmeng Jiang, am I right? Attempt the impossible!)

So now Madam Yu is running Yunmeng Jiang and Sect Leader Jiang is helping her do it, I guess, but either way the rumor is that they’re both much happier now. Or at least you don’t hear stories about them fighting all the time anymore, anyway.

Oh, and their kids are also all right. Uh, I may have forgotten to mention, but actually Cangse Sanren temporarily took the two Jiang sect heirs with her so that they could get to know her son while spending time together on a road trip, which turned out to be the same road trip where she happened to trip over Xichen and Wangji. What a coincidence, right?

Which leads me to the best part: TEACHER IS GOING TO BE TEACHING AGAIN!!!

It’s not going to be at home, of course, because he lives in the Nightless City now. But all that means is that all of us juniors get to go to stay at the Nightless City (which is supposedly HUGE) so that we can all do our lessons there together! It’s going to be year-round classes, with month or two month breaks around all the big holidays, and it’s going to be great. Qinghe Nie is sending their young master, Nie Huaisang, with Nie Mingjue going to go as well to learn how to run a sect from Sect Leader Wen, and Lanling Jin’s Jin Zixuan is going to be there (he doesn’t get a choice), Xichen and Wangji are obviously going to be there because Teacher is there, the Wen heirs (I think there’s two of them? maybe more if you count in some of their cousins?) already live there, and the Jiang sect heirs got brought there by Cangse Sanren along with her son…listen, Shixiong, you know how Teacher always invites some people from other sects to join our lessons with him, right?

Well, imagine that, except EVERYONE is going to be there. It’s going to be so much fun!

Yes, you read that right – it’s going to be fun, for me, because your favorite shidi is going to be one of the people that gets to go! I’ve never been happier to be one of the age groups that Teacher teaches…if you come out of seclusion early enough, maybe you can try to get a spot too? You’re not that old, you could probably get in with the older group!

Please, please please, Shixiong? It would be so much fun to have you there!

And even if you can’t get a spot, maybe you can come help teach or something? Teacher has already had to start recruiting extra people to come help with the classes, since there’s probably going to be a fair number of us there. Someone to supervise self-study, keep an eye on the sword training, help the ones who don’t know music with the basics – that sort of thing.

Supposedly Sect Leader Wen even volunteered to personally teach a class on arrays!

Jiejie says Teacher might not let him do it if he doesn’t behave. Then she giggled for some reason? I’m pretty sure it’s some sort of innuendo, but I’m not sure I understand what she was referencing…

Speaking of Sect Leader Wen, if you’re worried about the Fire Palace, don’t be – he’s apparently working on dismantling most of the torture palace aspects of it and turning it into a hobby palace instead. Or, well, apparently it’s always been the Wen sect leader’s hobby palace, only the sect leaders before Sect Leader Wen made it a pleasure palace and he made it a torture palace.

And now it’s going to be a…study palace, I guess?

I don’t know exactly. I think it’s supposed to be a place where people do experiments with arrays, which are Sect Leader Wen’s specialty. I don’t think I know enough about it to really understand, I think, but there was something about studying what happens to spiritual energy when it gets really small or really big and how it interacts with all sorts of things, coming up with rules about how it works and then trying to break them and stuff like that…anyway, all of a-Die’s alchemist and artificer friends got really excited, and a lot of the sect’s philosophers did, too, so I’m taking that to mean that it’s a good thing.

At minimum, it’s lots better than a torture palace, anyway.

Not that I would expect anything less from our Teacher, of course. They say that he can make a gentleman even out of a waste – why not make a good wife out of a tyrant?

Don’t tell Jiejie I said that. Or anyone else. Just imagine if Sect Leader Wen heard about that…!

Actually, I don’t know, maybe he wouldn’t mind?

I actually saw Teacher and Sect Leader Wen recently. They came together to the Cloud Recesses on some sort of business – maybe related to that time Teacher just straight up murdered a sect elder for breaking the rules? Teacher is SO COOL – and they were walking together through the Cloud Recesses, their heads bent together as they spoke with each other. Sect Leader Wen really does only look like he’s only in his twenties, particularly when he smiles, and he was smiling at Teacher, who looked content and pleased and warm in the way he does when he’s had some time to work on his music or spend time on things that make him happy.

His whole face was softer, you know? And for once, he was actually getting the chance to walk around without getting bothered by either the sect elders (not present) or the juniors (too afraid of Sect Leader Wen). I don’t think I’ve ever seen Teacher look so peaceful.

They’re obviously in love.

It’s just nice to see, you know? You hear about all those stories about Gusu Lan as compared to other sects, and particularly about the idiosyncratic yes I know big words too, Shixiong, I can be elegant when I want to be ways that the Lan of Gusu Lan go about falling in love when they end up falling in love. It’s just so - so - why are words hard And in this case I just feel like it sort of feels like the right end, you know? You know the way that Teacher always seemed a little lonely sometimes, like he wanted to be one of the ones that fell in love like that, but he just happened not to have had a chance yet.

And now he found his chance.

I mean…okay, sure, he found his chance and his love with possibly the weirdest person ever. There are definitely people in the sect that are never recovering from the shock they got when word of Teacher’s marriage got out. But you know what, if it works for him, good for him.

I’m glad they’re in love.

And they were obviously in love.

Really obviously in love, even if they weren’t putting it on display or anything.

I mean, they were glowing. Both of them – I think it might even be a bit literally true? They seemed brighter than the surroundings, somehow. I called Jiejie over to look, and she agreed that they were cute! Which wasn’t actually my question, but I guess it’s true.

And I guess I can understand why Teacher decided to elope with him.

(But only because we still get to attend Teacher’s classes. If Sect Leader Wen took away Teacher for good, I would be sooooo mad!)

Anyway, Shixiong, I hope that this is helpful…

Uh, sorry shixiong, it looks like I may have misunderstood the exact time and date and uh, everything, and now I really have to go pack RIGHT NOW because otherwise I’m going to be super late and I mean SUPER LATE so uh I guess you’re just going to have to get this letter as is, hopefully I haven’t forgotten to cross out anything too embarrassing, have a nice time back from seclusion bye!!!

~ Lan Zhijin

P.S. FIND A WAY TO COME TO THE NIGHTLESS CITY! WE’RE ALL GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN!

#mdzs #lan qiren #wen ruohan #my fic #my fics #Megafic

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godsfavdarling · 2 months

Text

01 new beginnings

pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!oc

summary: After nearly two decades with the FBI, Dr. Spencer Reid makes a career shift to teaching at Georgetown University. There, he shares an office with Dr. Brittany Reed, a sociologist.

list of chapters, also available on wattpad and Ao3, my masterlist

warnings: none for this chapter

words: 3,9k

Spencer stood amidst the scattered boxes in the office, meticulously arranging his belongings on his new desk. The scent of fresh paint mingled with the faint aroma of coffee, signaling the start of a new chapter in his life. His gaze wandered to the other desk in the room, its pristine surface a stark contrast to the chaos surrounding him.

The desk was neatly organized, adorned with a half-finished iced latte, stacks of glossy women's magazines, and an array of black pens. A closed laptop sat at the center, flanked by notebooks and a sleek black purse resting nearby. Spencer couldn't help but feel a twinge of curiosity as he surveyed the items, each one offering a glimpse into the personality of his mysterious officemate.

Lost in thought, Spencer was startled by the sound of the door opening. He turned to see a woman entering the room, her presence commanding attention. She was tall and elegant, with long black hair cascading over her shoulders and piercing gray eyes framed by black-rimmed glasses. Dressed in a chic black blouse and wide-legged suit pants, she exuded confidence and poise.

The soft lighting of the office accentuated the delicate features of her face—the slight curve of her lips, the subtle arch of her eyebrows, and the gentle contours of her cheeks. Her long black hair framed her face like a cascading waterfall, adding to her allure.

"Dr. Brittany Reed, I presume?" Spencer said, his voice betraying a hint of nervousness.

The woman flashed him a warm smile as she approached. "That's me. And you must be Dr. Spencer Reid," she replied, extending her hand.

Spencer shook her hand, feeling a surge of awkwardness at the physical contact. "Yes, that's correct. It's nice to meet you, Dr. Reed."

Brittany chuckled, her laughter filling the room. "Call me Brittany. And isn't it funny how our last names sound so similar? Reed and Reid!"

Spencer couldn't help but smile at the coincidence, though his mind was still racing with thoughts and observations. He watched as Brittany settled into her desk, effortlessly navigating the space with a grace he could only admire from afar.

"I hope you don't mind my mess," Brittany said. "They're doing some renovations in the department, so we'll have to make do with sharing for now."

"No problem at all," Spencer replied as he sat down, trying to sound more relaxed than he felt. He couldn't help but observe Brittany. She had an easy going demeanor, and her laughter filled the room as they kept talking.

"So, Spencer, what made you decide to leave the FBI and join us here at Georgetown?"

Spencer shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his mind racing to find the right words. "Well, it's... it's a long story. I suppose I just needed a change of pace, a new challenge."

Brittany nodded understandingly, her gaze curious but non-intrusive. "I can imagine. It must be quite a transition."

"Yeah, it definitely is," Spencer admitted, his voice tinged with uncertainty. "I'm still trying to find my footing, to be honest."

She chuckled and said, "Well, at least you won't have to worry about any serial killers lurking in the halls. Just your typical college students—though some of them could probably use a session or two with a therapist!"

"Actually, statistically speaking, there's quite a bit to consider regarding the prevalence of certain behaviors among college-aged individuals," Spencer began, his tone becoming more animated as he delved into his area of expertise. "For instance, did you know that approximately 10% of college students admit to engaging in some form of criminal activity?"

Brittany's eyebrows raised in interest, encouraging Spencer to continue.

"And when we look at specific types of crimes, the numbers are even more alarming," Spencer continued, his words picking up speed as he delved into his analysis. "According to recent studies, nearly 20% of college students report having committed acts of vandalism, while over 30% admit to underage drinking, and approximately 20% acknowledge using illicit substances."

He paused, taking a moment to gauge Brittany's reaction. To his surprise, she was listening intently, her eyes fixed on him with genuine curiosity.

"But it's not just about the crimes themselves," Spencer continued, his voice gaining momentum. "We also have to consider the underlying factors that contribute to this behavior. Academic stress, peer pressure, and socioeconomic disparities all play a significant role in shaping the choices students make."

As Spencer delved deeper into his analysis, he couldn't help but notice Brittany's attentive demeanor. She didn't interrupt him or try to redirect the conversation—instead, she seemed genuinely interested in what he had to say.

"And when you factor in the influence of social media and online communities," Spencer added, his mind racing with data and statistics, "the potential for criminal behavior among college students becomes even more complex. It's a multifaceted issue that requires a comprehensive understanding of human behavior and societal trends... But you probably know about that because you are an expert in how technology influences society..."

He stared at her in awe, struck by her patience and genuine interest in his ramblings.

"Sorry, I started rambling," Spencer said, his voice filled awkwradness.

Brittany smiled warmly, her gray eyes meeting his with understanding. "No need to apologize, Spencer. I found what you had to say incredibly insightful!"

"Thank you," Spencer said, his voice carrying a hint of gratitude as he turned his gaze away from her. Despite his efforts to maintain composure, he couldn't shake the sheepish feeling that crept over him.

"Have there been any studies on the prevalence of criminal behavior among professors?" she asked him, as she walked over to his desk and sat on the edge, her thigh now partially resting on the wood.

Spencer couldn't help but notice the change in perspective, her presence suddenly more pronounced. From this angle, she looked even more captivating, and Spencer found himself momentarily distracted by her proximity.

"Um, well, criminal tendencies among professors are... um..." Spencer's words trailed off as he struggled to maintain his train of thought, his gaze inadvertently drawn to Brittany's intent expression. He could feel her eyes on him, watching him closely as he stumbled over his words.

"Sorry, I, uh..." Spencer felt a flush of embarrassment color his cheeks. He cleared his throat and continued.

"To answer your question, there have been studies that suggest... um, criminal tendencies within academia have been the subject of numerous studies over the years. While it's true that the vast majority of professors uphold the highest ethical standards, there have been instances where individuals within the academic community have been implicated in criminal activities."

He paused briefly, glancing at Brittany before continuing, captivated by her attentive gaze.

"But it's mostly cases of academic fraud, research misconduct, and even instances of embezzlement within universities," Spencer explained, his words flowing effortlessly as he delved into the nuances of the topic. "The pressures of academia, combined with the temptation of personal gain, can sometimes lead individuals down a dangerous path."

As he spoke, Spencer couldn't help but feel a sense of admiration for Brittany's genuine interest in the subject. Her unwavering attention fueled his confidence, allowing him to articulate his thoughts with clarity and precision.

"And while these cases are relatively rare, they serve as a reminder that no profession is immune to the influence of criminal behavior," he reiterated, his voice filled with conviction. "It's a complex issue that warrants further examination, both from a societal and institutional perspective."

He paused, his eyes lingering on Brittany for a moment longer before a playful glint sparked in them. "But not many serial killers," he added with a hint of amusement, a small smile playing on his lips.

Brittany chuckled softly, her own smile mirroring Spencer's. "Thankfully, we don't have to worry about that here," she replied, her tone light and teasing.

She gracefully turned and walked back to her desk. Spencer couldn't tear his gaze away, mesmerized by the effortless sway of her hips with each step she took. He found himself captivated by the fluidity of her movements, the subtle elegance that seemed to exude from every gesture.

Unconsciously, Spencer leaned back in his chair, his eyes tracing the contours of Brittany's figure as she moved across the room. He felt a rush of warmth flood his cheeks, his pulse quickening at the sight before him.

Once Brittany settled back into her chair, Spencer quickly averted his gaze, focusing intently on the papers scattered across his desk. He could feel the heat still lingering in his cheeks from his earlier observation, and he silently chastised himself for allowing his thoughts to wander.

Her effortless confidence and poise were a stark contrast to Spencer's own awkwardness, and in her presence, he felt acutely aware of his own shortcomings. Her warmth and charisma seemed to draw him in, yet at the same time, they left him feeling vulnerable and exposed.

He busied himself with arranging the papers on his desk, his movements slightly fumbled as he tried to regain his composure.

Despite his best efforts to mask his unease, he couldn't shake the feeling of being out of his depth. It was as if her mere presence had a way of unraveling the carefully constructed walls he had built around himself.

But even as he struggled to find his footing, Spencer couldn't deny the strange allure of Brittany's presence. There was something captivating about her confidence and poise, something that drew him in despite his own insecurities.

As Spencer busied himself with organizing his desk, he felt the weight of Brittany's gaze upon him. Every so often, he would steal a glance in her direction, only to find her looking back at him with a knowing smirk playing at the corners of her lips.

It was as if she could see right through him, could sense the flutter of nerves in his chest and the slight flush that colored his cheeks whenever she glanced his way. Despite his attempts to appear composed, Brittany's perceptive gaze seemed to unravel him with ease.

Spencer couldn't help but feel a mixture of embarrassment and intrigue at the way Brittany seemed to effortlessly read him like an open book.

After a while of engrossed work, a knock on the door interrupted their quiet concentration. Spencer and Brittany exchanged glances before Brittany rose to answer it.

Opening the door, Brittany greeted the woman with a warm smile. "Maya! Come in," she exclaimed, gesturing for the red-haired woman to enter.

Maya stepped into the office with a bright grin. "Hey, Brittany! How's your first day going?" she asked cheerfully, glancing around the room.

Brittany motioned towards Spencer. "Maya, this is Dr. Spencer Reid. He's our new colleague here at our department. And this is Dr. Maya Cooper, her office's next to ours and she's my friend!" she introduced.

Spencer offered a polite smile, feeling a bit self-conscious "Nice to meet you, Dr. Cooper," he greeted.

"Hello Dr. Reid. That's funny you guys share an office... You know... with the names..."

Maya's gaze shifted between Spencer and Brittany before she turned back to Brittany with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "Hey, so I was thinking... Since it's the start of the academic year and all, how about we all go out for drinks later? A little professor integration, if you will," she suggested, a hint of excitement in her voice.

Brittany's eyes lit up with enthusiasm. "That sounds like a fantastic idea! What do you say, Spencer? Would you like to join us?" she asked, her gaze lingering on him with a hopeful smile.

Spencer hesitated for a moment, feeling the familiar tug of apprehension in his chest. The idea of going out for drinks with his new colleagues made him feel slightly uneasy. But as he glanced at Brittany, her warm smile and genuine invitation softened his resolve.

"Um, sure, I... I'd be up for it," Spencer replied, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

The girls' faces lit up with delight at his acceptance, and Maya clapped her hands together excitedly. "Great! It's settled then. Adam and Carly are also coming! Oh, and Brittany, don't forget to ask Lawrence to come along. The more, the merrier!" she exclaimed before turning to leave.

Spencer fidgeted with a pen on his desk, his mind swirling with thoughts about the upcoming gathering.

"Do you and Lawrence know Maya well?" Spencer ventured cautiously, his tone tinged with uncertainty.

"Yeah, we've known each other for a while," Brittany replied with a smile, sensing Spencer's apprehension.

"It's nice that you include him and spend time with both him and your work colleagues," Spencer remarked, hoping to steer the conversation in a casual direction.

Brittany chuckled softly at Spencer's assumption, a knowing smile playing on her lips. "Oh my god? Do you think that Lawrence is my boyfriend?" she replied, amusement evident in her voice.

Spencer's cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he realized his mistake. "Oh, I, uh... I see, I'm sorry. I just thought..." he stammered, feeling relieved yet still unsure of himself.

Brittany's laughter filled the air, her amusement contagious. "Don't worry, Spencer. It's okay. Also Lawrence is very much unavailable... in that way, at least," she teased, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

Spencer's confusion deepened at Brittany's cryptic remark, but before he could inquire further, she offered a reassuring smile. "He's gay, Spencer. Very gay! And he's my neighbor and my best friend!" she clarified with a playful wink.

Understanding dawned on Spencer, and he couldn't help but join in Brittany's laughter. "Got it," he replied, feeling a sense of relief wash over him.

"Do you have a problem with that?" Brittany asked teasingly, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

"What? No, of course not. Why would I..." Spencer started to reply, his voice trailing off as he realized Brittany was joking.

She laughed, the sound light and playful. "I'm joking!" she exclaimed, shaking her head at Spencer's earnest response.

Brittany continued to laugh, finding the idea of Lawrence being her boyfriend utterly hilarious. Spencer couldn't help but laugh along with her, grateful for her easy going nature.

After their classes concluded, Brittany and Spencer made their way to the metro station together, sharing casual conversation along the journey. The excitment of the evening's gathering filled the air as they rode the train to the bar where their colleagues were waiting.

As they arrived at the bar, Spencer took in the ambiance of the place. It was a cozy establishment with dim lighting, exposed brick walls adorned with vintage posters, and a lively atmosphere. The sound of laughter and chatter filled the air, mingling with the soft melody of background music.

Brittany and Spencer found their colleagues gathered around a table in the corner of the bar. Maya and Lawrence were already seated, engaged in animated conversation. Two other individuals, Adam and Carly, joined them, completing the group.

Brittany intoduced Spencer with a warm smile as they approached the table, gesturing for him to take a seat beside her. Lawrence, a tall black man dressed in a bright dress shirt and colorful pants, flashed a friendly grin as they sat down.

"Spencer, this is Lawrence," Brittany introduced, her tone light and playful. "Lawrence, meet Spencer. He thought you were my boyfriend!"

Lawrence's eyes widened in mock horror, and he feigned a dramatic gasp. "Oh no, not another one!" he exclaimed, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I might just have to throw up if I hear that again."

Spencer chuckled nervously, feeling a pang of embarrassment at Lawrence's jest. He glanced at Brittany, who was smiling mischievously, clearly enjoying the exchange.

As Brittany turned to Spencer, her voice laced with amusement, she asked, "So, what'll it be? I'm heading to the bar."

Spencer quickly rose from his seat, a determined look in his eyes as he replied, "I'll order for us."

Brittany raised an eyebrow, clearly puzzled by Spencer's sudden assertiveness. "Oh, really?" she quipped, a playful smirk tugging at her lips. "Quit the gentleman act, Spencer. I'm perfectly capable of buying drinks. You can buy me coffee some day. Now, what are you having?"

Spencer hesitated for a moment, then replied simply, "Water."

Brittany's eyes widened in surprise, a hint of incredulity in her voice as she repeated, "Water?"

"Yes," Spencer confirmed, nodding firmly.

"You'll have water?" Brittany pressed, unable to hide her amusement.

"Yes," Spencer repeated, his tone unwavering.

"Okay," Brittany said, shaking her head with a laugh. "One water for Spencer."

As she made her way to the bar, Spencer couldn't help but smile at Brittany's playful teasing.

They sat at the table, enjoying their drinks and conversation and Brittany sipped on her second beer, the lively atmosphere of the bar enveloping them.

Spencer couldn't help but notice the way Brittany's hand wrapped around the cold glass of beer, her long coffin-shaped nails painted in a subtle beige hue. The soft clinking of her gold rings against the glass created a gentle melody that resonated in the air

Suddenly, one of the bartenders approached, placing a colorful drink before Brittany and pointing to a guy at the bar, indicating that it was from him.

Brittany looked at the drink with a mixture of surprise and mild disgust, then glanced over at the guy at the bar. "Oh my god," she exclaimed, her expression incredulous.

Maya and Lawrence burst into laughter at Brittany's reaction. "Why would he even buy me a drink? I'm drinking beer. Is he blind?" Brittany wondered aloud, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Well, it's not very ladylike of you. He knew better what you'd like!" Lawrence teased, a playful smirk on his lips.

"Yeah, how could you know what you should drink? He's here to tell you!" Carly added, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

Spencer watched the whole interaction unfold, intrigued by the dynamics of Brittany's friendship group. Brittany continued to stare at the drink, seemingly at a loss for what to do with it.

"What am I supposed to do with that?" she mused aloud, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"Go to him and say thank you. He's not that bad looking," Lawrence suggested with a mischievous grin, eliciting laughter from the group.

"I'll take it!" Maya declared enthusiastically, already enjoying a similar drink of her own. Brittany pushed the glass towards her friend with a grateful smile, relieved to be rid of the unexpected gesture.

As they left the bar, Brittany lit up a cigarette, the glow casting a warm light on her face as they continued their conversation. They debated which way to go home, their voices mingling with the sounds of the city streets.

Suddenly, the guy from the bar approached Brittany, catching her attention. "Hey..." he started, but Brittany turned to him with a polite smile, saying hi.

"So, I was thinking..." he began, but Brittany swiftly interrupted him, her hand reaching out to grasp Spencer's arm as she came up with a quick solution to rid themselves of the unwanted attention.

"Sorry," she interjected, her tone firm but friendly. "I'm here with my boyfriend."

As Brittany's hand gently closed around Spencer's arm, a rush of warmth spread through him, unexpected but not unwelcome. Her touch, though brief, sent a jolt of electricity coursing through his veins, stirring something deep within him.

And when she casually referred to him as her boyfriend, a small thrill ran down his spine, igniting a flicker of excitement in his chest. Though he didn't say anything in response, the subtle shift in his demeanor didn't go unnoticed.

The guy's expression shifted, his eyes widening in realization. "Oh, right! Sorry, man! I didn't know. Have a great night!" he exclaimed, before quickly turning and disappearing into the night.

"Okay, we have to go. Bye guys," Carly said quickly, her voice cutting through the chatter as she and Maya and Adam hurriedly hailed a taxi that had just arrived.

Lawrence also chimed in, "I gotta go the other way... I might... have a date..." With a wave, he disappeared into the bustling city streets.

Suddenly, Spencer and Brittany found themselves alone, the noise of the city enveloping them once more. Brittany turned to Spencer, her expression apologetic. "I'm sorry for what I said back there... I didn't mean to imply..."

Spencer nodded understandingly, a small smile playing on his lips. "It's okay, Brittany. I understand," he reassured her, grateful for her quick thinking in diffusing the situation.

Brittany sighed, her shoulders relaxing as she visibly eased into the conversation. "You know, sometimes guys just let go easier when there's a threat of a boyfriend," she explained, a hint of frustration in her voice. "It's like they can't take no for an answer unless they think you're taken."

Spencer nodded in agreement, glanced at her ciggarete and remarked, "6 minutes."

Brittany furrowed her brow in confusion. "What?" she asked

"That's what I used to tell my mom when she'd light a cigarette," Spencer explained, a wistful smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "A cigarette takes 6 minutes of your life, so every time she smoked one, I'd tell her that it's 6 minutes less I get to spend with her."

"That's sweet... I'm still gonna smoke. I only smoke when I drink. I don't know why..." Brittany trailed off, her voice carrying a hint of resignation.

Spencer interrupted her gently, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Actually, there's a psychological explanation for that," he began, his tone measured as he launched into an explanation.

"You see, smoking and drinking often go hand in hand because they both activate the brain's reward system. When you drink alcohol, it increases the levels of dopamine in your brain, which makes you feel good. Smoking can have a similar effect, releasing dopamine and other neurotransmitters that produce feelings of pleasure and relaxation."

Brittany listened intently as Spencer continued to explain, his words weaving a fascinating narrative about the intricate workings of the brain and its response to certain stimuli.

"Additionally, there's also the social aspect to consider," Spencer added. "Smoking is often associated with socializing and relaxation, so when you're out with friends and having a few drinks, the urge to smoke can be especially strong."

Brittany nodded thoughtfully, absorbing Spencer's words with interest. "That makes sense," she mused, a newfound understanding dawning in her eyes.

"Yeah, it's all about the brain's response to different stimuli and the associations we make with certain behaviors," he concluded, his voice warm with enthusiasm.

He smiled as Brittany hummed in response, the sound of her exhaling smoke mingling with the cool evening air. He watched her for a moment, noticing the way her features softened in contemplation, her gray eyes reflecting the glow of the streetlights.

As they continued walking, the realization slowly dawned on them that they were both heading in the same direction. Spencer cleared his throat, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them.

"So, uh, which way are you headed?" he asked, his tone casual but tinged with curiosity.

Brittany glanced at him, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. "Funny enough, I live just a few blocks from here," she replied, her voice warm with surprise.

Spencer's eyes widened in realization. "Really? Me too," he exclaimed, a sense of serendipity settling over him.

Brittany chuckled softly, a twinkle in her eye. "Looks like we're neighbors then," she remarked, her tone light and playful.

"Yeah, it seems that way," he replied.

#dr spencer reid #spencer reid fandom #spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #mgg #criminal minds fanfics #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fandom #spencer reid x oc #spencer reid fanfic #i'm such a fool for you

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nayatarot777 · 9 months

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divine feminine check in • pac • week one {patreon exclusive}

these check-ins will be posted on my patreon (check out my patreon schedule if you’d like to). if these messages resonate with you, then patreon is where you can find them weekly :)

these divine energy check-ins can be used to gain clarity on the divine energy within yourself or they can be used for gaining clarity on the energy of a divine partner/counterpart. a lot of people use divine feminine + divine masculine readings to check in on those who they’re in no contact with, for example. others use them to understand themselves a bit better. it’s up to you.

check out the divine masculine’s energy for this week here

find information about personal readings here

choose your pile from either the photos above or the emojis below:

pile one • 🏆

pile two • 🐕‍🦺

• pile one • 🏆

the divine feminine is very alone currently. shes isolating herself. she’s going through a huge ending that she knows is leading to a brand new beginning, but this transition period is extremely lonely. she feels like it has to be for some reason. like she’s clearing out people, places, and things out of her life and she’s currently just waiting for this ending to complete so that a new beginning can come through for her. she could be waiting on something that she feels would signify the start of her new beginning, but this waiting period is full of isolation. she could be using divination such as tarot for guidance through this difficult time and as a way of tying up loose ends. and i’m hearing that through this, she’s learning how to guide herself. she may be alone because she has found her voice again. she’s speaking up for herself and saying what she truly feels and believes. people may not like that. and as a result, she has let people go. she is being guided to extremely loving people who will replace those who weren’t around her for her highest good. there’s also something about lavender here - she may be feeling extremely anxious and lavender will help with that (whether that’s through aromatherapy, smoking the herb, etc). i’m also seeing that she’s in the process of admitting to herself that she does want love. i have a feeling that she has been alone and in isolation for a long while. and i have a feeling that this was by choice. this isolation period was used for her to figure some shit out about herself and the people around her. but this isolation period is ending. and the quicker that she admits to herself that love is what she’s searching for in a roundabout way, the quicker this uncomfortable transition period will end. this feminine seems closed off to love, but this next chapter of her life is a journey to learn how to accept love and the desire for love too. tarot could be helping her to tap into her shadow side. her heart chakra feels very closed and perhaps that’s why she has been denying her needs for emotional support and nurture. speaking to the one or two people who she still may have around her (who she can tell has genuine love and care for her) may help her overcome this. there are at least a couple of people who are there for her who she has been shutting herself out from, but she is being guided to surround herself with these people a lot more. to surround herself with the energy of love in general. “love is a beautiful thing”.

• pile two • 🐕‍🦺

the divine feminine for this pile feels like she’s living in the energy of a victim complex. she feels like she will always be suffering in life, and like she’ll always be a complete victim to life as well as others as if everything is out of her control. this is because she hasn’t befriended any of her demons that haunt her. they’re demanding to be seen and felt and heard but instead of setting up boundaries with them and forming a beneficial connection with them, she allows them to hijack her mind and her entire being. these demons consist of dark memories and experiences, fears and anxieties, her rage too. she has an extremely strong third eye, and she is able to see the dark truths about life easier than most. it seems like all of the darkness that she’s aware of is weighing extremely heavily on her. again, she doesn’t have boundaries with the dark energies that are either projected onto her, that she comes across, or that dwell within her to begin with. but funnily enough, i’m seeing that she actually has the skill and the ability to use these dark energies to her advantage. through setting intentions of her own based on the knowledge that she knows. this is how she could alchemise and use these dark energies to her advantage. this is how she can create her own guiding light instead of feeling just completely lost and hopeless. there’s some type of creativity that her darkness can be channeled into. this is how the divine source gives her ancient wisdom of some sort - and this is how her ancestors do too. she will continue to suffer if she continues to only pay attention to everything that glitters and catches her eye. everything that is a temptation to her. feeding into her temptations is what makes her suffer - meaning that she’s creating her own suffering in a way. when her temptations are offered to her in some way, she doesn’t pay attention to where they’re coming from or the shadows around her that could be influencing her to accept these things. again, she’s a victim to darker energies when she doesn’t have to be. there’s some ancient wisdom that can be bestowed upon her about influencing and manipulating energies with the dark energy that she’s already heavily surrounded by. this is how she can find her joy again. she needs to direct her awareness into the darkness and create light within it through her own creations in some way, shape or form.

#pick a card #psychic readings #pac #tarot reading #pick a photo #tarot #pac reading #pick a picture #divination

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faceless-mirror · 24 days

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Chapter 4: Rhythm and Rhyme

In a world where vampires are actively trying to fit in with humans, coexist safely and help each other, Vinny and his ESV(Emotional Support Vampire), Ricky, are getting to know each other and learning more and more. Adapting to the life in the contract they both signed, and are living with. As they do they border the line between Friends.... and Lovers.

Tags: @cookiesupplier @phxntxsmicgoricxl @jilliemiw86 @undead-ahead-wh0re @abiomens

Ricky had been with Vinny and the band for the past few days. Day one- Vinny knocked it out of the park. Even Chris had been stunned by the effort the younger threw into it, and tonight was one of the nights Vinny finally came out to socialize with everyone glued to Ricky’s side. Ricky’s arm was thrown over Vinny’s shoulder lightly, talking to Ryan as Vinny played on his phone. Baby steps. Little things.

He smiled a bit at him out of the corner of his eye he could see Vinny was playing a rhythm game on his phone. It was clearly one he had picked up to distract himself. “Vinny- it’s nice to have you with us,” Ryan said making the drummer look up with those sweet green and brown eyes that felt like a forest kaleidoscope.

“W…what me? Oh-”

“It's really nice to have someone new… you also seem cool. Ricky’s been bragging you up.” Ryan commented taking a hit off his vape that smelled of strawberries and cream. “Sorry, I haven’t said much before now.”

Vinny looked up at Ricky lips slightly parted. “I… thanks.” he said turning his attention back to Ryan, “I’m still getting used to everything so it’s no big deal,” he assured the other guitarist. “It’s kinda weird being around everyone and everyone’s so talkative,” he admitted meekly, a small flare of anxiety picking up that was quickly handled by Ricky.

“Nah…I get it,” Ryan admitted warmly to him, smoothing his hair back as she shot a smile at him warmly. “Aren’t you like… twenty?” he asked making the transition to a full conversation at least a minor bit easier for the younger.

“Yeah- Yeah, I am. I know I’m young…” “Not saying it's bad… it's impressive because you’ve mastered drumming the entire show in what… three days? Dude. That’s crazy.” Ryan pointed out, “You’re a helluva good drummer, man. We got lucky.”

Vinny was silent his lips parted in shock unsure how to accept such a compliment. “Th….thanks,” he whispered stunned before there was a noise from the kitchenette where Chris was opening the fridge to get a water bottle.

Vinny fell silent instantly, anxiety almost drowning Ricky in the moment. Chris and Vinny hadn’t been getting along the best, not for Vinny not trying. But rather Chris’s stubbornness of dislike purely because Ricky liked Vinny as did the rest of the band. Chris knew he should be happy about it… but he couldn’t. He didn’t like seeing Ricky with this person, this willowy drummer. Seeing Ricky watch over him with those soft blues.

The drummer swallowed as the Guitarist pulled him closer, taking in all the anxiety and stress he could. He would keep him safe. Ricky was ignoring Chris despite feeling those eyes on him and Vinny.

“So like- you had a band before Motionless right? You mentioned it a few days ago. What kind of music was it?” Ryan asked clearly interested making Chris set his jaw trying to ignore the flare-up of frustration.

“Oh, it was… trap music mostly. I really loved it…” he admitted, “But i fell out of it pretty fast.” Vinny answered as Ricky rubbed his back feeling the grief boil up just a bit. He had read the report. He could understand, the grief that Vinny was trying to process was… so much. Too much.

“Why’d you stop?” Chris finally asked, walking over to sit beside Ryan, who merely shifted some to make room.

Vinny smiled sadly, trying not to overthink. “I… we were… my friend died.”

The bus fell silent. Chris swallowed. He wasn't trying to be a dick this time. Fuck. The grief that filled the room… you didn’t have to be an ESV to sense it and Ricky moved to kneel in front of Vinny, cupping his face and smoothing his hair as he fed off the grief to lower it. The youngest looked into those glowing blues breathing slow and steady, grateful, and sniffled a moment, breathing again after a minute. “T…thanks.” “No problem… wanna go for a walk to clear your head at the rest stop?” he asked to which Vinny immediately agreed.

Chris looked at Ryan, who just watched Vinny sadly, “If you ever need to talk, Vinny, we’re all here… we won’t judge.” he promised, to which Chris nodded.

“I wanted to apologize honestly.” Chris sighed, knowing he needed to at least try to get along with the drummer. It wasn’t Vinny’s fault Chris was a moody bitch lately. It shouldn’t be his problem either. He was smart enough to admit that… even if he hated it. He ran his fingers through his black hair averting his gaze as Vinny turned his full attention on him.

It was silent for a moment before-

“I accept your apology. You didn’t know about anything… so I can’t blame you for wanting to know… it would have been nice to have been given more of a heads up before being told that the drums were set up for me to audition with first time meeting you though… I would have liked to warm up.” he explained softly, though it turned into a quiet ramble.

Ricky smirked at him. Gods… Vinny was a sweetheart. He may have problems but he was sweet when he was given a chance and Ricky adored it. But he wouldn’t fall in love. He had to remember that. He was nothing more than a stepping stone in Vinny’s path to recovery.

He couldn’t resist rubbing Vinny’s cheek before standing up and sitting back down as the bus fell to silence again. It wasn’t long before they pulled into a rest stop and Ricky guided him outside with a gentle smile. “Let’s stretch out a bit. How are you feeling…?”

Following closely, Vinny smiled at him, “Sad… but also a bit happier… I missed talking to people. Ryan’s really nice. I didn’t think he would be so friendly just looking at him.” he mentioned softly, “Chris surprised me too.”

“You’re not the only one.” Ricky mumbled softly as they started to walk.

#vinny mauro fanfic #vinny mauro fic #ricky olson fanfic #vinny x ricky fanfic #ricky olson fanfiction

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shai-manahan · 1 year

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Hollowed Minds Progress Update 5/08/23

Hi! I know I failed at making a progress update last month, so first of all, apologies for that! Things have just been busy tbh and life has been too stressful that at some points I just couldn't write. It's why I've been a bit inactive here as well, and why I've been barely answering the asks I've been receiving.

I cannot report yet how many words I've written for the update so far because I haven't really taken a look at it myself, but I will do so at the end of the month if there's still no confirmed schedule by then. My eye health has just been very consistent at making my life harder as well until recently, and here's hoping I'll at least be able to function properly for a whole month🤞

Some things that will be in the next update:

For Chapter 2's Part 2:

Everything still goes as planned, except now both routes are expected to be fast-paced and action-oriented, though one is still more intense than the other.

This will be a massive one, not because of the word count but because of the variations that will play out. There won't be much issues in arranging the transitions to Chapter 3, so there's at least that, but your choices will matter a lot. So you might have to be careful with them.

One of the routes gets Alonzo actively involved, but please be assured that this doesn't mean you have to romance them. I actually encourage you all to check out both routes once they come because you'll gain more discoveries that way. 👀

Alonzo's route will be so memeworthy, I have to admit. Please try it.

There's an info dump in Chapter 2's Part 1 that I'm not really a fan of, so I'll be moving some of those to this part instead if needed.

For the overall IF:

Alex will now have a set skin tone if a lighter one is chosen for the Ripper. I will discuss this in detail soon, but I just wanted to emphasize that Alex and Ripper's mother are canonically PoC.

You will have options for your Ripper to wear contacts or glasses (or neither ofc).

You'll be able to bring a weapon with you in Chapter 2 depending on your choices so far.

You might remember a section of Chapter 1 where you can choose what your Ripper had been doing for the duration of the five months. I might reduce it to a few, just so I could have them properly recognized in the story.

There will be a couple of changes in the character descriptions in the game's stats page, with plans to make them shorter, too, for easier readability.

I will make sure you'll have saves at the end of this. So please don't be surprised if there'll be more page breaks in the future, as well as more choices (that are still as meaningful.)

In connection to above, I also plan to make the in-game descriptions snappier and easier to read while still maintaining the quality they should have. Your feedback will be very important for this, and this also applies to the beta testers (sorry I've been so silent. I swear I'll get back to you all soon lmao)

Not really too related here, but I also plan to be more consistent with my updates in the future. It's just that my irl schedule is still a huge mess, and it's very hard to be consistent when that happens.

Just a last piece of my mind. Some anons have been very aggressive with harassment the past few months, and I really have no interest for more drama right now. So if you have issues, if you think you can back your own words, send them through a DM or at least turn off anon so we could have a proper conversation.

It's honestly tiring. Being an Asian in this community can already be so tiring, so I am begging people to be mature and responsible with their words. After all, I've repeatedly said that you can always come to me with your concerns or whatever you have against me. As long as we can actually talk about it.

Anyway, that's all, and I hope the week will be good for everyone :) I have a few more things to post on Patreon tomorrow, so if you're a current patron, do look forward to that!

#hollowed minds series #interactive fiction #hollowed minds #wip #writing #hollowed minds book one #if wip #interactive novel #hollowed minds progress update #progress update #interactive game #if game #cyoa

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little-emerald-snake · 3 months

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A check in / posting update

Hello friends, I apologize in advance because this may be a bit of a ramble.

As many of you know, I’ve been on an aggressive posting schedule since October. While it’s been an incredible push to grow as a writer and a challenge to my ADHD to retain a strict schedule I must admit it’s really been stressful behind the scenes.

I’ve recently transitioned into a new full time job (yay better pay and paid benefits) and will be starting school in the fall. That being said, something time wise has to give.

Hang on though, just because I won’t be sticking to a direct posting schedule doesn’t mean I will disappear entirely or stop writing. I still have some requests I’d like to work on as well as some extra ideas I really want to get out there.

All this means is my posting may be a bit sporadic. I’ll still be active and I’ll still take requests as well as post my own ideas. I just need a bit more time in my day for other things. (Like my real actual life. Crazy, I know.)

This also is to help me have the time to make a longer chaptered work I’ve had sitting in my brain and my drafts for ages now.

I really endlessly appreciate all the love and support sent my way and if I could I’d thank each and every single one of you personally for supporting my 4 month writing binge, I would.

As a finale for my insane writing stint. I have one final work set to post tomorrow and that will be the last of my January posts.

Much love, Sylvie 💕

#personal #hogwarts legacy #writing #I’m actually so exhausted it hurts

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gffa · 7 months

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I saw you talking about the ORV novel, if you don’t mind, where do you read it at? I’ve seen a lot of different sites with it translated some complete and some not, so which one do you use?

Hi! I picked it up from this carrd, which is the best version I've seen so far, and I think it's the most complete? If I'm wrong, someone feel free to step in! But this one is a nice, easy, all-in-one epub file and has been edited to have consistent names/terminology, which I appreciate. As someone who has read about 70 chapters of the novel so far, I have to admit, the webtoon for all its faults is a much easier read, the story beats are more impactful, the humor is even funnier, and the art really brings it home, but ALSO I am enjoying the novel a lot for how much deeper it digs into some of the little details and how there's this sense of Kim Dokja being such a squirrelly character, like you're in his head the entire time and it works SO WELL that EVEN THEN you still don't know what the hell he's planning! What an asshole, I love him. So, it's a bit of a rough transition from the webtoon to the novel, but knowing the shape of the story that's coming and caring about the world/characters, I definitely think it's worth pushing forward with it!

#lumi.txt #orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint

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foxymoxynoona · 1 year

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Tell Me What Changed Pt. 8

Banner and lines by the talented @awrkive

Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.

Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC

CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else

Read on AO3 here or below

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

“Hey Hobi, can you grab my hair?” Alex called, arm deep in ground beef and spices she was hand folding. She hadn’t thought about her hair when she started but it kept swinging down in front of her face and it was long enough now to land in the bowl. Maybe it was time for a haircut… but she’d never been good at styling hair and the shorter it was, the more she felt like she needed to do things with it.

In seconds Hoseok was behind her, a ponytail holder from her purse stretched around his fingers. The gentle way he dragged her hair back, sliding his fingers through it to get the last strands, gave her goosebumps in spite of the gross wet feel of fatty meat caked between her fingers. Very disorienting combination.

He twisted it one too few times so it was loose and low on her back but at least it was out of the beef.

“It looks… it smells good,” he corrected himself. She grinned at his eagerness to praise and support her. She had admitted it was daunting to cook for them with Seokjin’s culinary skill on display so often. But Alex had wanted to cook for Hoseok for a while and finally had the time and energy to buy the things she needed.

“What is it?” Seokjin asked, leaning against the counter.

“It’s meatballs,” Milena insisted, to which Seokjin gave an incredulous look until Alex confirmed, “We’re doing American and Chinese fusion tonight…”

“It’s really meatballs?” Hoseok asked, eyes wide with disbelief.

“They’re fancy meatballs,” Alex defended.

“I didn’t mean anything bad! Are they Chinese meatballs?”

“I don’t know,” Alex sulked. “Not really… but usually zha jiang mian has pork or beef in it but you said Ren and Samantha don’t eat meat so I left the pork out of the sauce and the rest of us can add them meatballs–”

Hoseok laughed and touched her hips, “Alex, I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m sure it will be great.”

“It will be great,” she said, but stopped herself before adding Jungkook loves my meatballs!

A cold chill slid across her shoulders but she ignored it and leaned into Hoseok’s warm hands with a hip wiggle before chasing him away so she could continue. Seokjin hovered a bit longer, until she yelled that he was making her nervous, and he laughed and yelled back that she better not poison them, and Hoseok yelled at Seokjin for insulting her, and they went off to set the table.

Even with pressure to cook well, Alex felt more relaxed than she had in weeks. Not that everything was perfect and easy. Living at home again was taking some transitioning. Her whole daily routine and social life felt like it had been tossed into a salad shaker. And also she missed her best friend like fuck.

But she didn’t feel like she was juggling knives. She didn’t walk on eggshells around anyone or feel like she was hiding things or keeping secrets. Her fears that Hoseok would have enough and dumb her for the drama subsided. She didn’t have to worry herself sick trying to figure out what to do because hey, the arm was gone! Just the whole damn arm! She had to learn to live without the arm but people did that all the time! She couldn’t slam her fingers in the kitchen drawer now or something something.

Things were simpler and easier and she took that to be a sign she had done the right thing. Probably living at home was going to drive her crazy before too long, even though she loved her parents, but if all went well, maybe in a year or two she’d be moving in with Hoseok anyway! Oh god. Or if that was too soon, maybe she could jump into a roommate space with Rebekah or Minxi if that freed up. Or if she got too miserable she’d just look for a new roommate on craigslist or whatever. She had options. Tomorrow was a new day. The sky was her oyster or something like that.

Yes, this was the right thing to do. She hummed along to music Milena put on in the living room even though she wasn’t familiar with it and focused on cooking so she wouldn’t accidentally burn it. The meatballs were easy but the zha jiang mian was easy to fuck up if she forgot to pay attention and burned the sauce. One time she and Jungkook had smoked themselves out of the kitchen trying to get it just right– ok, maybe that actually got distracted by videos on his phone–

She hummed louder, and cleared her mind of anything that wasn’t cooking, and smiled at the easy laughter of her friends and the overly loud joke told by her boyfriend that set them off. The doorbell rang, their last two vegetarian guests arriving, and Hoseok went running to answer it like an overexcited puppy. She thought Hoseok was happier too. It was a sad turn of events but everything would be better in the long run, that was the truth.

“Ah those were some damn good meatballs,” Hoseok said once the food had been eaten, dishes cleared away, leftovers stored, and Tate, Milena, Ren, and Samantha had said their farewells. Seokjin was already holed up in his room, the noise of him mumbling to himself as he played his game audible if you lingered near his door, which Alex did not ever, being well acquainted with other noises one might accidentally overhear doing so.

Hoseok and Alex weren’t there for long though. He sexily threw the dishtowel over his shoulder and Alex’s grin must have revealed the appeal because he laughed and gestured her closer.

“Thank you for cooking,” he said, sliding his arms over her shoulders. “It’s cool to show off my girlfriend.”

“Yeah? I’m glad it turned out well.”

He kissed her forehead, which was sweet. Then he hunched further and she leaned up so he could kiss her for real. That easy warm feeling wrapped around her. The fact that kissing Hoseok was normal to her now was in itself still remarkable. She felt like they’d really gone through something together, even if the stress and suffering had been primarily hers, and the fact everything was still so good soothed her soul. She saw so many stories about toxic or messy relationships, it was like the basis of every romantic movie, but her relationship with Hoseok was just easy once she’d cut off the arm that was Jungkook! Was it supposed to be this easy? Was she just really lucky?! That seemed unlikely and yet the proof was there.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked her, arms comfortably wrapped around. Hoseok’s hugs were just something else, they’d made a hugger out of her when she never thought of herself as one before. Being hugged by Hoseok recharged your batteries straight to full.

She wasn’t about to tell him the embarrassing truth: I’m thinking about how the future with you looks so peaceful and steady. A calm, flat horizon with blue skies. Surely something would go wrong at some point but she had a hard time picturing what. Couldn’t they be supportive and kind and just always be ok? Short of one of them doing something wildly out of character, was this it now? Were they just going to be happy forever? Someday they’d move in together and get married and have a baby or something? Or maybe just adopt dogs. But they both had jobs that were good and liked living in this area so probably no major moves. Could life really be as easy as that? No, right?

“Alex,” he murmured, rustling her hair. “You’re quiet. Are you ok?”

“Just digesting,” she assured him. “And thinking about how nice this is.”

“Yeah. It is nice. Oh, I meant to tell you– you know I started going by my old dance school?”

“Mm-hm.”

“I signed up to start taking a few classes again. I miss dancing and I figured why wait? I’m only getting older.”

She pulled away and beamed, “Yeah, you should! I want to watch you dance!”

“Ok, good, I want you there. There’s usually a showcase later in the fall… ah, I’m rusty but I’ll get it back.”

“Yeah! Oh my god, yeah, I can’t wait to see you!”

“Ok ok,” he grinned. “Good then. That’s nice.”

“Yes, that’s nice,” she giggled, and pressed her face back to his chest.

“You know what would be nicer?” he asked after another minute of swaying.

“Um… what?”

“If we got naked,” he whispered. “You, me, my freshly made bed? The meatballs were really good and they gave me a lot of energy. Do you think…”

“Do I think what?”

“Do you want to? We don’t have to if you don’t feel like it–”

“Why wouldn’t I feel like it? Yeah, let’s go! Let me run to the restroom first but…”

“Ok, I don’t want to pressure you though. I know it’s been a few weeks and you haven’t been feeling well…”

Alex paused at the edge of the kitchen, only now realizing he was right. It had been a few weeks since they’d had sex. Their sex life was steady and stable so she didn’t exactly track how often they did the deed, but she happened to know that he was right, they hadn’t had sex since right after she’d moved out of her apartment. She’d been desperate for sex but afterwards wound up feeling like she’d over-exherted herself and had been too distracted to be any real good for Hoseok, though he hadn’t said that. She hadn’t avoided sex on purpose since but it just hadn’t happened again...

“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t realize that– but you’re right! I swear I’m not avoiding sex or anything, I guess I just wasn’t feeling great for a little bit.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said, it’s fine! That happens. You don’t have to apologize,” he insisted, running his hands up to cradle her face. “If you still don’t feel like it–”

“No, I do. Let’s get back in the sack, let’s go,” she assured him. She didn’t know how to explain to him that without understanding it, she’d felt like she was waiting for something… But what? Waiting for something to point out she wanted to and ought to have sex with her boyfriend? Waiting for permission to be normal? It made no sense. She didn’t know anything yet about the ebb and flow of sex in a relationship, just that things were good and she wanted to feel good in that department too.

Fortunately, it was easy to get right back into rhythm together. Alex finished with a happy, satisfied sigh after just the right amount of time fucking, and curled up comfortably, blankets clutched to her chest as she admired Hoseok’s body stretched beside her, unabashedly naked.

“Good?” she asked with a wide grin to show her own answer.

Hoseok matched hers, “Yeah, good. Very good. Always good. Are you staying the night?”

“Uh… I want to but…” She grabbed her phone, which had buzzed right in the middle. She’d had a suspicion that proved to be true: her mom wanted to know when she’d be home. “Well this is going to be annoying…”

“What is?”

“Talking to my mom about the fact I spend the night at my boyfriend’s house sometimes…”

“Oh.” He grimaced. “I didn’t think about that. Is that going to be a problem?”

“It better not be. I’m a grown up!”

“Yeah and you used to live with a guy,” Hoseok pointed out.

“Sure but I wasn’t having sex with him,” she giggled right over the shock that Hoseok would casually mention that sore spot right now. “I’d better go home tonight so I can clarify boundaries before it’s a fight… besides, you work tomorrow don’t you?”

“Not until eight.”

“I don’t want to wake up alone in your bed,” she playfully pouted.

“Yeah it would be hard to leave you alone and naked in my bed,” he agreed, reaching down to kiss her shoulder.

She let out a deep sigh.

“Ok, here I go.”

It still took her fifteen minutes to pull herself from the warmth of his bed, and pee, and dress. She dreaded this talk with her parents even though it had to happen. She couldn’t never spend the night with her boyfriend again just because she was living at home. She was twenty-six now!

Shuffling to her car in the chilly September air to go back to her childhood bedroom after great sex felt all kinds of wrong, but she was happy despite that. This inconvenience would only be temporary. The future had never looked happier and calmer than when she was around Hoseok. She felt more confident in herself, like she was really growing up, making major decisions in her own self-interest, facing any troubles head on, doing what was best. Now, since she didn’t pay rent, she could even build up a savings account! So mature! So adult!

When she left though, and sat in her car, and drove home, that feeling of temporary crept back up. That sense she was waiting for something nudged her in the spine again. Waiting for what? This was it! This was her new normal! She thought maybe her brain was still adjusting to that truth, that being away from her apartment and Jungkook was not just a temporary state but a permanent one. That the arm was really gone, not just asleep.

There might be a shock when that finally set in. But ok. She’d get through that too. Alex 2.0 was on top of her shit and ready to face the world with Hoseok by her side!

Too bad he couldn’t be by her side as she explained to her parents she was twenty-six and sometimes wanted to sleep overnight with her boyfriend after they fucked. Obviously in very very different words than that…

Jungkook craned his neck to watch for the first step as he carried his last box of shit up to the second bedroom in Namjoon’s house. The movers had hauled his stuff over yesterday but since he’d rolled to a monthly lease that went to the end of the month, he still had a week to get the last of his things out. Not that he was dragging his feet or anything because he’d already spent too long alone in that crappy empty apartment. He’d hand-carried the last of his things today. He would schedule the final walkthrough and turn over the key next week. Moving was a pain in the dick, that was all.

He chucked the last box into the pile against the wall, patted Doggo’s head, and then went downstairs where Namjoon stood at the kitchen counter waiting.

“Ok, here’s your key and your garage door opener,” Namjoon said, tapping the counter beside them. “Um… what else…”

“Any more ground rules?” Jungkook asked with a grin. There had been no shortage of discussion once the hangovers after Jungkook’s party wore off and they both recalled that Namjoon had said Jungkook could move in with him. Shockingly, Namjoon didn’t take it back. Though there had been many subsequent conversations about “what was fair” as roommates –what the bills were, when to be quiet, how to clean. “What’s important to you as a roommate?” Namjoon had asked him and Jungkook had just stared at him blankly, no answer in mind. He’d just figured it out with Alex. Back in college, he’d figured it out with Taehyung and Jimin. He wasn’t really a premeditated kind of guy.

Jungkook had braced himself for Namjoon to say something about “visitor policy” or something but it hadn’t come up. The house had two full bathrooms and their rooms were at separate ends of the hall so maybe it wouldn’t be an issue, if Jungkook starting bring girls over all the time or whatever. Which he was totally, absolutely going to do.

“No,” Namjoon said. “No no. I’m sure we can talk through anything that comes up.”

“Yeah, so what were you thinking about the housewarming rager?” Jungkook asked with a playful grin. “I work Friday and Saturday so I was thinking Sunday night–”

“Yeah ok you can do that after you mow the lawn.”

“Ya, did you just let me move in to be your manservant?” Jungkook laughed.

Namjoon was all grins too and Jungkook felt his moving-day tension ease as Namjoon assured him, “No no, you’re helping me out a lot actually.”

“I am?”

“What, you thought I’m just doing this to be a good friend?”

“Well… yeah…”

“Damn, really? You think that highly of me?” Namjoon laughed. He pulled two beers out of the fridge, offering them with a gesture; Jungkook accepted with a nod and made a mental note to buy the next case.

“I know we’re both kind of nervous about how our uh, different styles will mesh,” Namjoon admitted. “But we’re friends, we can figure it out. It’s hard to go from living with someone to then living alone –I had to do that too. And uh… I don’t know, it’s kind of lonely being alone for the first time. I don’t like it as much as I expected to. It’s depressing having to do everything on my own around here. And also way more expensive than I expected.”

“Yeah, I can see that…” His own monthly bills would be a bit higher now; savings in some areas since Namjoon owned, losses in others since this place was bigger and nicer than what he’d been living in with Alex. He could afford it but, well, it was probably good he didn’t need that Europe trip fund anymore.

“So yeah, make yourself at home. If something comes up, I don’t know, just bring it up with me and we’ll talk through it like grown ass adults.”

“Yeah No problem. And seriously, dude, thanks for letting me move in here. The thought of trying to get used to a new roommate I don’t know shit about…”

“Yeah, I remember. I know. Hey, if we’d made different choices in life, maybe this is where we would have been starting after college!”

“Yeah, that’s a way to think about it,” Jungkook agreed.

What Jungkook had appreciated about Namjoon from the start was that he’d never once said anything like dude you’re making too big of a deal, she’s just your friend who moved out. After drunkenly blabbing his bullshit to waaaay too many people at his birthday party until basically everyone knew the whole sob story, he’d braced himself for the teasing, even if his friends meant it lovingly. Instead he could see the careful way his close friends tried to be helpful, and he was really touched by it. Whether that was Namjoon letting him move in, Taehyung scheduling more frequent game sessions, Jimin inviting him over for dinner more often and only asking him to cook half the time. Yes, it all made him feel a little pathetic, but he appreciated their intentions. He didn’t need them to go so out of their way to avoid mentioning Alex but he was also a little grateful for it.

But outside his core circle of friends, he found the “support” a little harder to endure. He thought going out with people a lot would keep him distracted instead of counting the days. It looked good on his Instagram too, in case she happened to be watching; she hadn’t unfollowed him, though she wasn’t posting lately either. But he’d quickly discovered that at the whiff of heartbreak, most people became absolutely well-intentioned assholes. He didn’t just volunteer the information but if it got (easily) dragged out of him (because sometimes talking about it felt like a string still connected them and this was all just a temporary bump), they would inevitably say something like Oh hey, I’ve got a friend I can introduce you to or geez she sounds like a bitch, you’re better off or better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

“Hey, do you think it’s true, that saying about ‘it’s better to have loved and lost–’”

“Nah, it’s bullshit,” Namjoon chuckled as he led the way to the living room. With nothing better to do, Jungkook followed. He sank into one of the two chairs, both positioned so they could look out the windows on either side of the fireplace. Namjoon had a bird feed out there and some little brown things were hopping around chowing down.

“Yeah…”

“I just think it’s trying to stack-rank two things that both suck. Why do people get so competitive about establishing this is better or worse than that? It’s lemons to oranges, they aren’t the same thing even though they’re related. Being lonely sucks but so does having your heart fucked. Not convincing anyone you’re a catch sucks but so does someone thinking you are and then changing their mind, you aren’t worth learning to compromise or whatever… I don’t know. It all sucks.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook agreed. It sucked a little bit less though to hear Namjoon say that. “People keep telling me time heals all wounds, shit like that.”

“Oh yeah. I got uh, ‘there’s more fish in the sea’ so many fucking times.”

“Yeah! But I don’t want time to heal the wound, I want the girl to heal the wound,” Jungkook argued.

“Yeah I didn’t want another fish, I liked the fish I had…. At least for a while. Now I’m over it. But it’s hard when you’re hurting; it feels like no one has ever hurt like you before. So I understand what people mean, they mean well. No one invents heartbreak and it’s hard to watch people hurting so you try to find something to say to make it hurt a little less when the truth is that it just takes time. But we’re conditioned not to want to see people suffer.”

“You think that part’s conditioned or natural?”

“God I’m so glad you moved in,” Namjoon laughed and let his head fall back and kicked his feet up on a little ottoman

“I’m just curious what you think…”

“I don’t think you get enough credit– well probably it’s your own fault. Your instagram doesn’t scream intellectual.”

Jungkook laughed, “Don’t slutshame me, man! I don’t know that I’m an intellectual, I just think sometimes… maybe not enough…” He thought of late night conversations with Alex –drunk, high, or maybe just sleepy. He’d felt understood. With her gone, he worried he’d never feel understood again. One night stands weren’t usually trying to.

But Namjoon understood some of him. Jimin understood some other parts. Taehyung too.

“Oh hey you know what else you can help me with, I just got that record player working again –Yoongi helped me. Ah, is he a bad topic…”

“Nah, it’s fine. What can I help you with?”

“My vinyl collection is small. I want to go thrift store hunting for more, fill up a whole one of those bookcases. You’ve got good music taste, you can help me out, yeah?”

To say Jungkook was flattered was a massive understatement.

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

And it did! It genuinely did sound great. Life with Namjoon in his nice house with his minimal but simple and mature decor would be different than his starter home with Alex, but this could be ok. Hopefully eventually he would feel more like he fit in here. Right now he couldn’t imagine any of his stuff spreading throughout the house or what it was going to actually be like when he was in and out or how Namjoon was going to handle it if Jungkook didn’t keep things exactly the way he wanted him to but he’d figure it out. Of course he felt like a guest right now, he hadn’t even spent his first night here yet. Namjoon was clearly going out of his way to make him feel welcome.

He had really good friends. Maybe Alex wasn’t the only one he hadn’t verbalized enough appreciation for.

“I really appreciate you letting me move in here, man.”

“Stop saying that,” Namjoon laughed. “You’re welcome here. Mi casa es su casa. Just relax and watch the birds.”

“What’s that little black and white one?” he asked. There were a lot of them and it reminded him of Alex.

He had to stop thinking of Alex all the time. It had been almost a month since she moved out. He was still seeing her in a fucking bird, that couldn’t be healthy, right? Time to stop.

He couldn’t stop thinking of Alex. He still thought about her every single day. He didn’t want that to stop so he needed to learn to live with it, that’s what Namjoon had just said and he trusted Namjoon’s advice more than anyone’s. Time, it would just take time, that’s what Namjoon had said.

“That’s a chickadee,” Namjoon snickered. “It’s the most common bird. You don’t know what a chickadee is? God I have so much to teach you about domestic suburban life…”

“Sorry man, I was too busy catching other kinds of chicks.”

“Uh huh.”

“But yeah, teach me about the backyard birds. What’s that black and white one with the red head?”

“You’re trolling me, right? You…everyone knows what a woodpecker is…”

“Pecker? Damn whoever named these birds was kind of horny, huh?”

“Ornithologists.”

“Horny-thologists?”

Namjoon grabbed the small decorative pillow from his chair and launched it at Jungkook; he barely had time to move his beer so it wouldn’t spill, barking out a complaint.

“Isn’t your dick what got you into trouble in the first place?” Namjoon insisted.

“Actually no, my lack of self awareness did.”

Namjoon spluttered with laughter and it made Jungkook laugh too.

“Lack of self-aware– My ex-wife said the same damn thing about me,” Namjoon admitted. “We’ll be all right, JK.

“Yeah I mean there are plenty of birds in the yard,” Jungkook agreed. “Better to have fed and flown away than never to have shat on the feeder that fed you–”

“Stop stop, where is this coming from?”

“Oh shit did heartbreak actually break me? Am I poetic now?”

“You might be poetic now,” Namjoon laughed. “You should write these down!”

“No I shouldn’t, they’re really bad jokes.”

“They’re funny to me.”

“Namjoon, man, you may not be as smart as everyone thinks you are.”

Namjoon was really squirming, he was laughing so hard. The birds in the yard startled and a bunch flew away –but not the chickadees. They just kept going about their business, snarfing down the birdseed while all the scaredy-birds scattered. But within a few minutes, when nothing else startled them, the other birds came back. Ok, maybe Alex looked like a chickadee but she acted more like whatever those other things were. And if he didn’t scare her and just waited very still and patient, maybe she’d come back. And if she didn’t ever, maybe by then he’d have learned to live without her.

“What are those other ones?” he asked Namjoon. “The ones that came back?”

“White-breasted nuthatch–”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Ok how do I sign up to name birds, since any idiot can come up with this shit. I’m going to name that one a Cockenspiel–”

“That’s a grackle.”

“GRACKLE.”

Someday he was going to have Alex in stitches laughing at these bird names. Right now, Namjoon would do.

“Ok let’s see what records you've got so far, what are you missing? We should go to garage sales too, I bet old people sell good shit like that.”

“Yeah, I bet you’re right.”

But they didn’t rush to look at the records. It was nice, just sitting and watching the birds. Not needing to think or feel or do a single thing, just watching the little fluffs eat.

“Ok what about that cute fluffy gray one?”

“I really don’t want to answer that.”

“Joon…”

“It’s a um… it’s a tit. It’s a titmouse…”

“You’re fucking with me.”

“Look these are just backyard birds, they don’t even have the horniest names! Look it up on your phone, I think there are even worse ones– hold on, I’ll look it up…”

Ok. Time was passing and maybe he could do this, one dumb bird at a time.

For two people who had not been married, the deep links of their life continued to surface in unexpected and incredibly annoying ways over time. At first, every few days she noticed something she’d left behind, or something of Jungkook’s she had accidentally thrown in the box –she’d found three of his shirts but the thought of returning them was mortifying in case he thought she’d taken them on purpose, but also she wanted her ceiling projector back which was probably still in his bedroom. They shared streaming services which were all in his name because he’d gotten a discount through work and she spent an afternoon writing down what episode she was on in everything and then couldn’t bring herself to sign up fresh for her own accounts on anything yet. They shared a Google calendar which she had to uninstall from all of her devices so she wouldn’t get reminders of his work shifts because apparently he was still using it and she dreaded the day “Jungkook Pussy Appointment” would pop up on her phone. Several times she accidentally sent packages to the old address and had to sneak into the mailroom to get them; after about two weeks she went to Jimin and In’am’s for dinner and they delivered her a stack of mail Jungkook had passed along. That one hurt a lot because couldn’t he just text her that he had a stack and she could swing by–

But maybe he wasn’t comfortable. Maybe he was making a point of giving her the space she’d asked for. Maybe he was sulking. He’d never responded to her happy birthday message so it was possible he just hated her too.

Of all the bills, the one she dragged her feet on the most though was the phone bill. Alex had been on Jungkook’s phone plan for the last three years, once her parents kicked her off and she and Jungkook realized a family plan would be cheaper, especially with his Verizon employee discount. She wasn’t sure what it would take to roll her number off to its own plan and she dreaded the monthly increase and also doing phone things was just annoying. It had been awesome to just roll into the store last time she needed one and Jungkook did all the things and handed her the phone with the best deals and off she went.

In September, she just Venmoed him her half of the monthly bill like she always did with the note: sorry I’ll get off your plan quick!

She did not get off his plan quick. He accepted the money without comment, no response back, though did transfer her $30 back with for the groceries you left. She thought about trying to return the security deposit again, because she felt guilty she’d left him with so little time to find a roommate. She didn’t know if he’d found one yet. She wasn’t totally avoiding their friends, but she’s only seen Rebekah and Minxi on their own and texted a little with Jimin, and she felt like everyone made a point of not saying anything, not asking anything.

Then she started feeling guilty in case he didn’t realize he was suddenly going to have to pay for the streaming services on his own, so she transferred him half of that too: hey I’m rolling off now, make your new roommate help pay but didn’t want to leave you in a lurch.

He sent it back: it’s $7. I’ll be fine.

She thought his tone was kind of salty and decided that maybe it wasn’t cute to send him these little things. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who needed space. She had, after all, possibly broken his heart. Possibly not. But possibly? It was a major factor in moving out, after all. It was hard to watch someone you loved be with someone else and if he loved her so much that he couldn’t keep it to himself while she had a happy relationship, she didn’t want to put him through watching her be happy.

So she didn’t send him any money for anything else, but also just kind of forgot about it until October when she suddenly remembered the bill would be due again soon and she had not rolled onto her own account. Probably she would have put it off another month and just sent him the money, lazy because he hadn’t demanded she get off or kicked her off himself yet. But then at work she spilled a whole carafe of milk on her pants, and then when trying to clean it up with the case off, she’d kind of accidentally thrown it –look, it was a panicked clumsy mistake, but the screen protector had already been shattered and didn’t save it now, so the screen itself shattered. Plus no matter how well she cleaned it, the whole thing smelled like sour milk within hours. And since she had to transfer off his account anyway, she realized she needed to just go into the store and hope the folks there would recognize her and not press her for account authorization information she didn’t have.

But obviously she wasn’t going to go alone, just in case she did run into Jungkook. She was going to take Hoseok but realized that would turn the mall trip into many hours and anyway he was working the afternoon shift on her free day. She used Siri on her phone to call Rebekah, the one friend she knew would pick up the phone and not just demand to know why she was calling instead of texting. Even though she’d had to endure Rebekah’s teasing, “Does the Sabbath mean nothing to you? You’re lucky I’ll still go shopping… just don’t tell my parents.”

Alex felt like an asshole to not have thought about it, though Rebekah was sometimes loose with which traditions she kept. In this instance, Alex was infinitely grateful for the flexibility. Rebekah’s presence with her at the mall was just what she’d needed.

“We went on three dates but..”

“Oh, not good?” Alex asked as Rebekah caught her up on the things she’d missed in the last five weeks, starting with her own life. Somehow that five weeks felt both very long and like no time at all.

“No he was just kind of… just nothing to him. He had no personality,” Rebekah lamented. “Everything I asked him about, his answer was just ‘well what kind of dessert do you like?’ Look I do not want to make 98% of the decisions in a relationship, I need someone with opinions, and with preferences, and needs.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Alex nodded along, trying not to accidentally make eye contact with anyone as she held the ball of a lollipop in her cheek. She felt like a small child but when they’d passed the candy store right by the front entrance, she’d felt an undeniable need for a cotton candy flavored blue lollipop. There was something about being in a mall when she hadn’t been in it for several months that made her want to do all sorts of stupid mall things. She almost asked Rebekah if she wanted to get soft pretzels too but stopped herself in time because not only did it give her stomach a painful twist thinking of Jungkook, she also remembered the mall ones weren’t kosher, which Rebekah had already mentioned she was keeping more strictly again, motivated by so many recent Jewish holidays with her family.

Honestly, Alex admired her faith and her dedication to it. She wished she was that dedicated to anything. Sure she felt her Chinese heritage threaded through many parts of her life, and she enjoyed a lot of traditional holidays and customs with her family, but it wasn’t quite the same, she thought, as embodying a practice daily the way Rebekah did. There wasn’t really anything she embodied daily: not even drinking water and eating healthy, though she’d started going on Baba’s daily walks with him if she was around. Mostly to get her parents off her back because if she wasn’t with Hoseok, she was basically just hanging around the house which they were far more judgmental about than her previous roommate.

“How’s living at home?” Rebekah asked her once she seemed adequately vented about her disappointing dating life.

“Eh…”

“Sorry, should I not have asked–”

“No, it’s fine, don’t make that part of it awkward. It just feels like moving out was this big step into adulthood and going home is a step backwards and my parents don’t know how to treat me because am I an adult or am I not? If I’m not paying rent or bills, aren’t I just their daughter again? And it’s hard to put my foot down when I’m living off them, you know?”

“What don’t they like?”

“I expected it but… it’s awkward if I stay over at Hoseok’s. The first time it happened I let them know I was staying out and my mom basically didn’t talk to me the next day.”

“But… you used to live with a guy… I thought they were all progressive–”

“They are! I don’t think my mom was disgusted, I think she was just awkward. Like she felt like she ought to say I can’t do that but I’m a grown up. I mean, what’s the worst that happens, Hobi knocks me up and I get married? They love him, I don’t think they’d be mad about that,” Alex laughed.

“Wow, really? Already?”

“Wait, I’m not saying that’ll happen! We’ve only been dating for like… coming up on six months soon, yikes. Anyway, it’s just that, it’s awkward. They don’t know how to ask if I’m going to be home or not and I try to be funny about ‘hey don’t wait up for me’ but then I’ll get text messages at midnight still asking when I’ll be home. And my mom doesn’t like how much time I spend sitting around watching TV.”

“What does she want you doing? It’s not like you aren’t doing anything. You have a good job and a good boyfriend.”

“I know!” Alex cried, throwing her hands up. “I wish you were my mom,” she joked.

“I don’t but thanks, I guess?”

“She thinks I’m getting too fat and she’s worried I don’t have any friends anymore because of breaking up with Jungkook.”

“Well that’s not true, you have me!”

“That’s what I said. You should come to dinner soon. Um… we’ll order food, our kitchen is definitely not kosher… but hey I think it would be great to introduce my parents to other food–”

Rebekah literally patted her head, “Thanks. I’d be happy to come visit and prove to your parents you aren’t a complete loner freak and that you’re actually a moderately capable adult.”

“Ugh.”

“Speaking of which, are you ready for me to hold your hand while we talk to a scary employee about how to fix your phone? Do I need to be ready to cause a distraction in case we run into Jungkook? Both very mature fears, I assure you–”

“You’ve gotten so mean in five weeks,” Alex laughed. “Wasn’t one of those holidays about penance?”

Rebekah laughed and nudged her into the Verizon store.

And honestly, Alex did not feel like a mature, capable adult. She was glad Rebekah was with her. The sight of smarmy dudes in denim button ups and black slacks made her instantly aware she had entered his territory, even though he’d still been wearing the polo and khakis when she moved out. Seasonal uniform change, maybe? Actually it was a little less douchey looking, but she avoided picturing him in it and he wouldn’t be here to give a visual anyway. He was still using the Google calendar, which was kind of soft to her even though it just meant he either hadn’t thought of making his own calendar or was too lazy, so she’d been able to confirm he wasn’t working today. Still, she glanced around every employee to make sure he wasn’t one of them.

She startled when a woman approached, nametag Geneva, and asked what she could help them with.

“I busted my phone so I need the screen fixed. Probably I need a whole new phone. And I need to roll off the family plan I’m on right now to my own.”

“Ok, we can definitely help you with all that! Nate… Yes, Nate will help you.”

Alex was handed off to this other guy who she was pretty sure was the stupid guy Jungkook had always complained about. She did not mention that. Instead she answered more questions like that she needed the cheapest good phone possible, that she needed the cheapest solo plan possible, and that the name on the account was Jungkook Jeon.

“Wait, wha?” Nate asked, eyes going wide.

“Yeah, I know he works here–”

“Well then why did you come in now? He’s not on right now, he could hook you up with all of this.”

Geneva had walked away but doubled back at Jungkook’s name and now Alex realized maybe she should have gone to literally any other Verizon store in the world. Why had she come here?!

“Wait, you’re Jungkook’s roommate?” Geneva asked.

“Um… yeah, I was, but I’m living somewhere else now so I need to get off his family plan.”

Nate was typing into his little employee tablet thing and said, “Well… you’re due for an upgrade on the device, that’s the best deal you’ll get but that’s only if you extend the current plan.”

“I… no, I need to get onto my own plan.”

“Is he paying your phone bill now?” Geneva asked, head tilting. It was such a weird and personal question that Alex also tilted her head and found herself wondering if Jungkook had fucked this woman. Which annoyed her. Because how gross, to have her first thought be did Jungkook fuck this woman and that’s why she’s asking me this weird question because she developed some sort of an attachment to him even if they only had a fling and she wants to know what my business is with him? Or hey, for all she knew, Jungkook had done other shocking things since then and was dating this chick now!

Alex tried to sound like a competent adult and answered, “He is and he shouldn’t be since we live separately now. What’s the best deal I can get for rolling onto my own account?”

“Hm, well… there’s a…” Nate trailed off, scrolling through things. “There is a new account discount with a new device but the discount isn’t as big.”

“Isn’t that kind of weird? Why would I get a bigger discount for staying than as a new customer?”

“Because if we only gave good deals to new customers, people would just bounce,” Geneva pointed out. Was it snippy? It felt snippy to Alex. She looked around for confirmation from Rebekah, but her dear friend who was supposed to support her here had wandered over to watch parents wrangling a toddler throwing a tantrum outside the shop.

“Ok well will I get a better deal than this if I go over to T-mobile?”

“Doubtful and your service will suck,” Nate said.

With a deep sigh because she knew he was right and it had been a reason she’d moved to Jungkook’s Verizon account in the first place, she said, “OK, whatever. Just give me the best deal you can. Make sure it’s something Jungkook would be ok with you doing to me.”

“Are you moving in with that new guy?” Nate asked. Alex laughed at the shock of the question, at first certain she’d misheard him.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to ask a customer about their private life and also what the hell was he telling you about it?!”

Apparently Nate thought they were buddies now though, because he grinned, “Yeah, I got to hear all about it.”

Geneva scowled at Nate, “Make sure you get the right permissions to make changes to the account though.” Then she walked off. Alex felt like she was missing half of the conversation but it didn’t matter. Probably the woman was in love with Jungkook; who wasn’t? She just needed her phone changed.

Nate nodded, “Yeah, if you want to keep your number I’ll need permission from the primary account holder. Looks like he didn’t give you permission to make changes to the account.”

“That ass,” she tried to joke. “It’s because he just dealt with all the phone stuff.”

“If you can answer security questions it might let me bypass, or we can just call him.”

“What are the security questions?” Alex sighed.

“Uh… where did you and your spouse first meet? He doesn’t have a spouse,” Nate snickered.

Alex ignored the painful cramp in her chest as she guessed, “Ashborne. With an ‘e’ on the end.”

“Uh… yep. Ok, now I need– do you know the pin he put on the account?”

Alex didn’t answer at first, hearing delayed as she tried to not shut down at what was stupid and casual and didn’t mean anything: Ashborne was their hometown. She was the fake spouse. It didn’t mean anything, it was just a joke; maybe they had even joked about it at the time. They made jokes like that sometimes, back in the day, that they were an old married couple. At some point it had stopped being funny, maybe once Alex got tired of being his wife only in jokes, never in any real way– Not that she wanted to be his wife! But the idea of her being his wife as the butt of a joke constantly just got old, especially when part of the joke was that obviously she wasn’t ever going to be his actual wife because she wasn’t romantic or sexual or whatever, she was just the one at home doing the cooking and cleaning while he ran around fucking mistresses or whatever.

But he’d set this phone account up longer ago than that. He’d been on his own plan since he turned eighteen because his parents didn’t want to pay for the data he needed for all the mobile gaming he used to do. How long ago had he set this security question?

It didn’t matter. What it meant could be anything. He had claimed to be in love with her a month and a half ago so some random security question referencing a casual joke shouldn’t fluster her like this.

“I don’t know the pin,” she admitted. “So I guess um… what are my options? I just buy a new phone with a new number and he’ll have to close this one down?”

Nate waved her frustration off, because she didn’t want to change her number, “We can just call him and he can give me permission to free up the number and I can roll it over to the new account. Ok, do you know what phone you want? Let’s get that done first.”

He had to walk her through a bunch. Actually he was pretty nice about it considering she didn’t know anything about phones. He seemed to take it seriously that she was a friend of Jungkook’s and steered her away from unnecessary features. Jungkook had talked about this guy like he was a total idiot but he seemed nice to her. He even managed to find the teal blue version of the phone she wanted, the last one, in the back.

“Ok, why don’t you call him and he can just tell me the PIN and permission over the phone,” Nate suggested. “He has to release the number first and then I can set you up.”

“Uh…” Alex froze. Rebekah had wandered closer and she looked at Rebekah and asked, “Could you, um… call Jungkook?”

“Me?!”

“I can’t, my phone doesn’t work,” she pointed out, holding her hands up.

“You can call him on my phone,” Rebekah suggested.

“Wait, I don’t want to talk to–”

“I’m not explaining this to him,” Rebekah argued.

Nate looked between them and asked, “What’s uh… the problem? You can call him with our phone…”

“Why don’t you call him?” Alex suggested, smiling and resting her arms on the table, which was a little too low to do elegantly, even for her. “I don’t know all the things you’re needing so you can just ask him yourself.”

“Why, are you avoiding him or something?” Nate asked. With a neutral smile that was either totally fake or totally brainless.

Alex’s eyes narrowed, “What did he tell you?”

“Nothing. We don’t talk about customers, ma’am.”

“Oh my god,” she gasped. “What did he tell you?!”

But Nate had pulled up his own phone and held it to his ear and held a finger up that he was on a call. Surely Jungkook hadn’t told a random co-worker about the whole confession and space thing… surely he’d just said that Alex was moving out or something because she had her boyfriend? Nate said Jungkook had told him that, but surely not everything. Not that it mattered in the grand scheme of things but… but maybe Nate wasn’t giving her a good deal!

“Hey JK, listen, I’ve got a customer here who’s on your account and she’s wanting to roll over to her own but she doesn’t have permission to– yep. Yeah, her. How many ladies you got on your account, bro? I’m joking,” Nate grinned at her, “I see it’s only the two lines.”

Rebekah and Alex shared a look; Rebekah covered her mouth not to laugh and Alex glared at the traitor.

Suddenly he hung up and said, “He said he’ll be right here.”

“Wait what?”

“Yeah apparently he’s on his way in–”

“He’s not supposed to be working today,” she said to Rebekah, grabbing her arm.

And her dear friend rolled her eyes, “Come on, be an adult.”

And that hurt! Because Alex was being an adult! She’d come here to do her own phone thing and figure that out, she just had hoped not to run into Jungkook because… for reasons…

He walked in right as she looked at the door, wearing a white t shirt tucked into the black slacks, his denim button up slung over his arm and a coffee in the other hand. First time Alex had seen him since she moved out. Same face, same hair, same big dark eyes, same nose, same familiar Jungkook who she’d seen most days of her life until five weeks ago. Six? Something?

Truth be told, which she would never admit, her stomach did a very painful twisty thing and her chest felt like it inflated and relief melted her and shock put her on edge and she just felt like that was maybe not a normal way to react to seeing your old friend again. Like that was not how she’d felt after seeing Rebekah again after a few years apart. That wasn’t how she’d felt seeing her parents when she’d come home from college the first time.

Honestly, the thing it felt closest to was the first time she’d seen Yoongi after they broke up. That same twist of pain and regret and anger and distress and impossible longing. For friendship! Friend longing!

“Hey,” he said, and the smile was in his eyes before it reached his mouth. “Heard you’re bailing on our family plan?”

“Trying to,” she forced out.

“Uh… ok…” He pursed his lips and then admitted, “It’s going to be more expensive for each of us but I get it.”

“I know but I need a new phone.”

“What happened to it? It’s not that old.”

She gestured to it on the counter and explained, “Took a swim in milk and then I uh, kind of threw it on accident and the screen shattered and it smells real funky…”

“You’re up for a renewal and she could get a new one,” Nate tattled, “I told her it’s cheaper to stay than to go.”

Jungkook actually laughed, a sort of below the breath snort, and then greeted, “Hey Rebekah, should have known you were an accomplice.”

“What? Me?! I’m just here for moral support!”

“Oh, am I that scary?” he joked.

Alex intervened, “No, I just don’t know shit about phones, you always handled it.”

“Yeah. What are you getting?” He glanced at the box and seemed to deem it fine, then said, “I really don’t care if you stay on the plan and you can keep venmoing me money but I get it if you want to roll off. Up to you.”

“That’s weird though. If I stayed on.”

“It’s a $10 difference a month, it’s not a big deal either way,” Jungkook told her. “Hundred twenty bucks a year… renewing will save you like… does it work out to $200 savings on the new phone? Fifty buck difference to just getting your own plan.” Jungkook asked Nate, who looked impressed. Clearly Jungkook knew his shit at work. But obviously he did, Alex knew that, he was a really good employee.

“Ok but I still should do it.”

“Ok, that’s fine, I just wanted you to know if you want to save the money you don’t have to– You need me to release the number?” Jungkook asked Nate, not waiting for her to confirm it again. He recited a pin number for Nate –0901, which she should have been able to guess–, looked over Nate’s shoulder, then nodded.

“Ok I’ve got a bunch of questions I’ll need to ask you now,” Nate warned her. “And I’ll have to run a quick credit check and–”

“Wait, what? A credit check?”

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal, it won’t ding your credit or anything.”

“Ok…”

Jungkook patted Nate’s arm, “I’m going to clock in, I’ll be back in case you need anything else from me–”

“Wait a minute,” Alex said without thinking. Then, to cover that she didn’t know why she’d said that, she added, “Why are you even working today? I thought you, uh–”

“Ah, you checked so you could try to avoid me.”

“No! I… maybe…” His crooked grin was annoying. She worried she was hurting him by doing this even though it was the right thing to do. She worried he was hurt rather than understanding about her trying to avoid him. She worried she had lost some of her immunity to that smile; she felt a space between them that had never existed before and she didn’t like it, even though she knew it was right.

“I just didn’t want you to be upset about the uh, phone thing…”

“Nah, it’s fine, I get it. Uh… how are you doing otherwise? Both of you?” he asked between the two of them.

Rebekah nodded and smiled, “Mm-hm! Great!”

“Yeah. Yeah, things are um, good. How are you doing?”

“Really good,” he told her, and smiled from the other side of the canyon. “Living with your parents going ok?”

“Yeah, mostly… I mean, you know, it’s kinda weird but kinda nice. I see your parents a lot.”

“Yeah, I know, more than I do,” he laughed. “They told me you’re a more dutiful son right now.”

“You don’t have to stay away from family dinners or anything.”

“Yeah, you either. Or friend gatherings or anything,” he insisted. “I hope you aren’t just to avoid me.”

“No, of course not,” she lied. “Things aren’t like that.”

“Yeah, I mean you can’t just give me everyone in the divorce, I did not agree to that.”

She laughed but hated the sound of it and stopped as she assured him, “Right, sorry, I’ll stop being such an absent parent. Support payments must not be clearing… I’ve just been busy, that’s all, we’ll be at a thing together again soon. I mean at the same time.”

“I knew what you meant,” he assured her. Nose scrunch. “I’ve gotta clock in, I’m covering for someone. Didn’t put it on the calendar since I didn’t realize you were still checking–”

“No, I’m really not, I just–”

“It’s cool. I get it. It’s not like I go to your coffee shop either. K, I gotta go. Nate, hook her up or I’m stealing your customers.”

“I am!” Nate complained. “You’re the one keeping me from getting her account set up right now.”

“Good to see you!” Jungkook called over his shoulder with a weird sort of over-the-shoulder salute, thumb and first two fingers extended, something between a wave and a peace sign and a thumb’s up. She’d seen him do that before. A casual goodbye to guy friends, that was how he used that.

Fuck she sighed under her breath and turned her full attention to Nate so they could wrap up.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Rebekah said and abandoned her.

Alex felt like she might shit her pants for the rest of the appointment that now felt like it was taking a thousand years. Jungkook’s shift started while she was still stuck there, which meant she could hear his voice and sense his presence as he greeted a young couple and worked with them at a nearby counter. He sounded so professional, so charming in a non-skeevy way. She’d never actually just heard him working before and wondered if he was laying it on thick because she was there, and realized he probably was not and did not care that she was there. From what she could see, the whole thing was behind him. He was so unbothered, he didn’t mind if she stayed on his phone plan. If he loved her, wouldn’t that be excruciating?

She lit out of there without even a wave as soon as her new phone was set up, and was just about to call Rebekah and demand evacuation rescue when her friend sidled up to her again and handed her a soft pretzel.

“They aren’t kosher!” Alex gasped and Rebekah assured her, “I just wanted a coke, thought you could use a snack.”

“Thank you, I forgive you for abandoning me.”

“Abandoning you! I thought you were doing fine! Nate had you taken care of, Jungkook made sure of it. New phone all set?”

Alex started to walk so no one in Verizon store could watch the way she was about to deep throat this pretzel. No cheese but that was fine, cheese would slow her down.

“Yes and I survived talking to Jungkook.”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“No, I know,” Alex said, instantly flushed at feeling like Rebekah was saying she was dramatic and stupid. “I just meant… it’s kind of awkward and I hadn’t seen him in a long time, that’s all. Since…”

“I don’t think you need to feel awkward about anything,” Rebekah assured her.

“I just feel bad, you know?”

“Because he told you he was in love with you and you don’t feel the same?” Rebekah bluntly demanded. Alex had not directly said that to anyone but apparently Jungkook had blabbed some details about it at the birthday party while drunk. According to Minxi, the common knowledge was that he had admitted he thought he had feelings for Alex but she wasn’t interested and didn't feel comfortable living with him anymore so she moved out. Which was harsh, but mostly true… just like it was kind of true what Jungkook had said, that maybe she was avoiding more than just him. She just felt like some of them were more Jungkook’s friends than hers, or that they wouldn’t understand why she didn’t just ditch the outsider and give a relationship with Jungkook a shot. Would they? She was afraid to ask. But she’d always felt like they doted on him, like he was their baby brother, like he could get away with murder, and now she was someone not giving him what he allegedly wanted. She’d rather not set herself up to get kicked out.

“Yeah….”

“I don’t think you need to feel bad about that, you should just make sure you aren’t making a bigger deal out of it than you need to.”

“You mean– what do you mean?” Alex asked skeptically and then shoved pretzel into her mouth.

“I mean ok you moved out, that’s fine, if you weren’t comfortable. But if you’re avoiding everyone–”

“I’m not,” she lied, mouth full of lying pretzel.

“Ok, well don’t. Especially since…”

Alex choked the bite down and asked, “Especially since what?”

“I don’t know… ok I didn’t know whether I should say anything because I don’t know if it’s true but I don’t know if I’m a better friend to tell you or not to tell you… but since you aren’t in love with him back, maybe I should tell you because maybe it’ll help you not feel bad and–”

“Uh you definitely have to tell me whatever you’re now being incredibly cryptic about,” Alex interjected. She felt the pretzel rising back up her throat. “What are you talking about right now?”

“It’s not something I know for sure so I don’t want to gossip but I especially don’t want to hurt you…”

“You’re not, but it’s a bad friend thing to keep secrets–”

“Ok…”

Alex grabbed her arm and plopped down on a mall bench and stared into her soul while chewing furiously on the pretzel. “You got gossip? I love gossip. Lay it on me,” she said, hoping casual would do the trick.

“I just think… he might be dating someone…”

Alex was pretty sure the next three seconds were an out of body experience.

“Oh?” she asked with a voice that was not hers. “Why do you think that? He’s bringing someone around? Like just a new roommate or–”

“Well, you know he’s living with Namjoon now and–”

“Wait, what?! He moved out of the apartment?!”

“Um…”

“Sorry, sorry go on,” Alex insisted. It was shocking that her plan to cut herself out of the loop and disengage with information her friends might share meant she was out of the loop and unaware of the information her friends might have shared.

“Yeah he moved in with Namjoon a few weeks ago. He was introducing this woman around at your joint birthday party, the one you missed, but I didn’t know if they came together, but then I definitely saw them leave together and also– well he might have left with two girls? But he was really drunk, I don’t know… Anyway, I guess he’s hanging out with this one girl a lot though and it just was interesting to me because usually he doesn’t hang out with the same woman right? I wasn’t at Namjoon’s party so I don’t know if he brought her to that. I noticed you didn’t go–.”

“Two women!?”

“Ok I don’t know if he took two home, maybe they were just helping him walk? I wouldn’t have thought about it except that he’s still hanging out with one of them… I don’t know! You would know better, if he’s the kind of guy who would do something like that…”

“How do you know they’ve been hanging out?” Alex asked before she could decide the question sounded too nosy. Two girls?! No. No way. Jungkook hadn’t ever had a threesome though he’d made plenty of longing comments about it so if he did for his birthday, like, good for him, but it shouldn’t happen while he was super drunk, that was shady. Oh god that made her feel kind of sick to her stomach… no, that hadn’t happened, she decided. Women were always handsy with him, it didn’t mean he’d fucked two women at the same time in their apartment right after.

God, if two women were willing to fuck Jungkook in a threesome, there was no way in hell he’d turn that down. It may have happened. He may have been having a threesome while she was sick at home, feeling sorry for herself.

“Uh well he’s been on her instagram a few times –please don’t ask me how I know that,” Rebekah flinched.

“Oh my god you’re such a busybody!” Alex gasped as if she wasn’t fighting the urge to whip out her phone and redownload the app right now. Her voice was too loud. Oops.

“I know,” Rebekah wailed. “I want to say I’m just a good friend but also he’s hot and I just spend a lot of time on instagram, ok? I know he fucks around and leaving with someone from the birthday party if he’s heartbroken over you, that makes sense to me. She may just be a rebound… I thought the way he was introducing her was weirder than him leaving with her but I don’t know, maybe it was nothing! They could just be friends!”

Rebekah was watching her with transparent concern.

Alex laughed. And rolled her eyes. And swallowed the last bite of her pretzel and insisted,

“Come on, don’t be all weird and worried. I told you a thousand times, I have no romantic feelings for him. If he’s seeing someone that is shocking because this is Jungkook but… great! That’s great! Good for– If he’s seeing someone– maybe he was just finally ready to start settling down I guess!”

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. Is it right that I told you that?”

Alex nodded, “Yes, thank you. It does make me feel better. Maybe his feelings for me weren’t even that serious– what did you say the woman’s name is? Someone I know?”

“Anita? Do you–”

“Ah! Anita. Yes.”

“Yes?”

“We had a double date together to the arcade–”

“Oh! I didn’t realize that was the same– oh. Ok. Maybe they are then…”

“Yeah, maybe they are,” Alex agreed. “That’s great.”

So great. Really great. Really fucking great for Jungkook to already be over her. Already replaced. No wonder he could be so magnanimous about the phone thing. Maybe he had a new girlfriend.

That was great!

“Thanks for telling me, Bek. And thanks for coming. And thanks for watching out for me. Sounds like I can stop beating myself up about breaking his heart,” Alex said. “I’ll venmo you for the pretzel.”

“Now I feel like I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“What?! Why? I’m glad you did! I deleted instagram from my phone so I wouldn’t even know and no one says anything to me. I wish you’d told me earlier!”

“Ok. Ok good then, I’m glad I told you if you’re glad! Do you have to go home right away or can we wander over to Primark?”

“Yeah, let’s shop,” Alex agreed even though she really just wanted to go home and think about this and instagram stalk.

Jungkook dating?

No way.

But yes way? Anita was nice. She’d handled his tantrum on the arcade date well. If he was going to date someone, Alex could maybe almost give approval for her…

But really? Didn’t this mean he hadn’t really loved her? You didn’t just–

Unless you were rebounding–

She was thinking about this too much. It didn’t matter. She’d made her choice! That was great for him! He could do whatever he wanted –dating, threesomes, orgies, whatever!

And Alex could pretend to be really glad to hear this!

Jungkook fidgeted with the rings on his fingers and checked his watch again. Anita was supposed to have met him here fifteen minutes ago and now wasn’t answering her phone. He hated that. Yes, he did that sometimes, but he disliked it in other people. Almost as much as he disliked being called, which was the next thing she did.

“Yello?”

“Hey I’m running late–”

“No shit.”

“I’ll be there soon, you can go in and have a drink, I’ll meet you inside.”

“If I go in here alone I might get mobbed.”

“Great, you’ll enjoy the attention.”

“Not the kind of attention I’m looking for,” he grumbled, annoyed that she was right, he would be flattered. He pocketed his phone and decided to head inside, noting the rainbow glow of the sign on his shirt as he showed the doorman his ID and passed through. The bright colors just made him feel already tired, like he was stepping into a rave past his bedtime.

To be clear, Jungkook was perfectly fine in a gay bar. He didn’t frequent them often, but he’d been before, no big deal. And literally no one had hit on him, which he suspected would be the case this time as well. Sure, he didn’t really feel like talking to anyone right now or declining attention, but he also wasn’t feeling up to the blow to his ego of being completely ignored. It still hadn’t recovered from losing out Employee of the month to fucking Nate. What the fuck happened there?!

He tried to look unavailable as he went to the bar and ordered a drink so at least he wouldn’t be empty handed. The place was sort of embarrassingly quiet on a Tuesday night; the Halloween decorations strung around the place looked tacky with only half a dozen well-behaved people circling around high tops. The music felt too quiet for a bar but louder would have been annoying.

Ok, Jungkook was just cranky lately. He’d try to not subject Anita to that. He settled in at a stool on the end of the bar and pulled out his phone to look for something to amuse himself. Cats weren’t doing it for him but some parrots screaming into bowls and cups were good even though he couldn’t really hear the audio over the music.

Hairs on the back of his neck prickled as if someone was watching him and he felt the heaviness of someone drawing close. Assuming it was Anita finally here, he looked up to tease her, but it wasn’t her so he looked back down.

And then looked back.

And then, “Uh… May?”

“Oh my god.”

“You–”

“Hey tian xin,” Minxi sidled up to May with a drink extended and then actually yelped at the sight of Jungkook.

“Holy shit!” Jungkook gasped.

“Holy shit you!” May cried. “Are you–”

“No wait are you– are you two dating?!” he gestured rapidly between them even though obviously they were because there was definitely something in Minxi’s voice when she’d said whatever that was in Chinese and–

“Are you gay?!” May shrieked. “What are you doing in a gay bar?!”

“You’re gay,” Jungkook said, wide eyed. Then, “Holy shit, nobody knows. Does Alex know?”

“No she doesn’t know!” May hissed as Minxi shirked her shoulders and grimaced at Jungkook, looking like she’d pay good money to be literally anywhere but here.

“And dating her friend?!”

“Well does she know you’re–”

“Hey sorry I’m so fucking late,” Anita gasped, stumbling directly into the little scene and then stopping short. “Oh, um.”

“Ok I am so fucking confused. Is this your girlfriend? Are you gay? What the fuck is going on?” May demanded.

“Yeah, Minxi, May, I could say the same fucking thing–”

“Oh boy what did I just walk into,” Anita mumbled and took a dramatic step backwards.

“Why don’t we uh… go to a table,” Minxi suggested. When nobody moved, she just turned and walked away. May and Jungkook stared at each other a moment longer, then Jungkook followed, grabbing Anita’s arm and dragging her along.

“Wait, let me get a drink!”

“There’s table service,” May called over her shoulder.

“Oh, really? I’ve never been here before…”

At the table, May whipped around with the same interrogative energy her sister so easily displayed and demanded, “Explain yourself.”

“Well that’s just not something you can demand–”

“Wait, is the whole fuckboy thing a lie? Or you’re bi–”

“I’m not bi,” Jungkook sighed, “Just… straight. Which I feel really awkward admitting right now in a gay bar… thanks for outing me…”

“So you are dating though,” Minxi said, gesturing between him and Anita.

Immediately Jungkook frowned, “Who says we’re dating?”

“Uh… it’s what everyone thinks?” Minxi answered. She seemed started by Jungkook’s response.

“Who thinks that? Alex thinks that?” He was already sweating but felt a shade of cold added to it. “Why? Who said that?”

“So you’re not dating?” May clarified.

“No, we aren’t dating.”

“I mean we fucked for a while,” Anita helpfully offered. “But I think I might be a lesbian? Or bi? I don’t really know…”

“Oh! Welcome,” Minxi grinned.

“Welcome to… being gay?” Jungkook repeated, head spinning, just confused. “Ok, but wait… fuck, I have so many questions right now.”

May sighed and set her drink down. She closed her eyes, then slowly opened them while Minxi just looked at her with concern. Her hand was on May’s lower back.

“I know what you are,” he mumbled under his breath, memes always on hand at a moment like this.

“Yeah,” May said. “I’m a lesbian. That’s my secret, there you go.”

“But…” He trailed off. “But the banker dude you were dating…”

“Uh, I do social media for a bank,” Minxi said with a laugh.

“Yeah, ok, I haven’t felt comfortable yet coming out to my family,” May admitted. “But I needed my mom to stop trying to introduce me to guys or thinking I couldn’t meet someone on my own, so…”

“But they won’t care,” Jungkook said. “Do you think they will? They’ve never seemed…” He trailed off, realizing maybe he didn’t really know about their parents. Sometimes parents could seem perfectly open-minded and supportive as long as it wasn’t their own child pushing the envelope. “Alex and Edgar won’t care. You think your parents will?”

“I don’t know! They’re not crazy strict but they have an idea about how our lives will go and this was never part of that so… I don’t know. And now you know so I guess it’s time to–”

“Woah,” Jungkook cut her off, “I don’t matter. I’m not saying a word to anyone, that’s your business to share.”

“Even Alex?”

Jungkook made a face and lifted his beer before muttering, “Well, you must be out of the loop…”

“Obviously I’m not, she’s living with my parents again, moping around like a teenager that got dumped even though she’s got a perfectly good boyfriend who’s obsessed with her for some reason I sure can’t figure out.”

Jungkook’s teeth clicked as he bit down on the bottle. It was a stupid thing to do, he hadn’t meant to do that. It was an automatic dumb thing his brain did at this unexpected information chucked at him in the void of any other knowledge. He had no fucking clue how Alex was doing. She’d said she was doing great at the phone store so why wouldn’t he believe her? She’d gotten everything she wanted.

“She um… she’s not doing ok?”

“Would you be if you moved back home?”

“Oh, yeah, right. Right, that’s what you meant…”

“Why, what did you think I meant?” May asked with obvious glee. Only then did Jungkook realize that even May must know about his confession –and that it wasn’t even because Alex had told her, it had probably been Minxi. Her secret girlfriend.

“Let’s talk about how you’re dating Alex’s sister and didn’t tell anyone,” he shifted and pointed at Minxi. “For how long?”

“About six months,” Minxi mumbled into her drink. “But hey, I couldn’t say anything without outing May!”

“We didn’t even know you’re a lesbian. Does Alex know?”

“Look, let’s just all take a moment and embrace the fact that Alex never knows shit about anything,” May insisted. “She didn’t know we’re gay and dating. She didn’t know you’re in love with her. She sure as fuck doesn’t know she’s in love with you. The only thing she does know–”

“Wait what did you say–”

“--is that you two are dating? She might think that? Couldn’t say, Minxi’s the one who told me that gossip but Alex has been extra prickly lately so. Dunno.”

“Yeah, who started the rumor I have a girlfriend? What, days after I confessed to Alex?!” Jungkook asked, but Minxi shrugged. He didn’t think she was the likely source anyway. He tried to think through each friend… but it was so absurd, he couldn’t figure out who would make that assumption and not just ask him about it.

“Could she be fighting with Hoseok? Is that why she’s mopey?” Anita asked, leaning forward on the table with enough interest you would think she was already intimately connected to the friend group. In several ways she was, though not the way Jungkook was now being accused of.

“Ok ok we don’t know, no one here knows, that’s Alex’s business,” Jungkook interrupted before Minxi or May could say anything. Because suddenly this was too much, what May was dumping on the table in front of him. And she had no proof. May had always been kind of a bitch who liked to stir up trouble for Alex, so for all he knew, she was just saying these things to be a bitch. She might take a little too much joy in her sister’s suffering right now but there was no actual reason to believe that suffering was anything more than a sadness at the loss of his friendship. Or like a normal not-relationship-ending fight with her boyfriend. Or a bad day at work.

Besides, she’s said something else much more important, so he scratched his neck and asked casually, “Why um… but why did you say that thing about…”

May sighed and rolled her eyes, “Just ask the question. This is a safe space.”

She could say that, but May wasn’t safe the way Alex was. She’d say whatever she wanted even if it hurt. Maybe that part had been made up to, just to stir up shit. He didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of her. She’d use it against him, she’d never let it go, she’d–

She kept glancing at Minxi, and clicking her nails on her glass, and her leg bouncing was what kept shaking the table. Suddenly he felt like she was offering him information as a trade, which he didn’t like at all. Did she think she could trade Alex’s personal business for a promise Jungkook would keep his mouth closed? Well that sucked in both directions if so. It wasn’t necessary at all. He’d never betray someone’s privacy like that, ever.

He decided to reiterate, “I meant what I said. I’m not going to tell anyone you’re gay or that you’re dating Minxi. I don’t think anyone will care but that’s your private business– ohhh wait, that’s why you went to the Kings of Leon concert with us! I wondered why you came. Damn, no one thought anything about that. You really kept your secret right under our noses.”

“Yeah, I’m good at that and you’re oblivious,” May snapped.

“Ha. Well. You got me there…”

He shared a look with Anita and sipped his beer. Damn Alex was so much cooler than her sister.

“Well,” Anita tried, “I just think if I could make it to twenty-nine and not realize I like fucking women, then I can understand why it would take someone a while to realize they’re in love with their best friend.”

Minxi eagerly nodded, “Yeah, I understand it too. I mean we aren’t that different, I’ve known May for a long time through Alex–”

“Yeah but you kind of always wanted to fuck me,” May grinned at her. It was truly wild to hear her talk like that and to Minxi! Jungkook desperately wanted Alex here seeing this. Thank fuck he didn’t live with her actually because he obviously couldn’t reveal May’s secret but this was quite a thing to have to keep secret from his (previously) best friend. Easy peasy when she wasn’t talking to him anyway.

“I did,” Minxi admitted. Then huffed and elbowed her. “Stop it, don’t embarrass me… and don’t think that’s the only reason I was friends with Alex because it’s not,” she quickly added, pointing at Jungkook. He held his hand up and made a face, gesturing he did not accuse her of that.

Anita was clearly glad to turn the conversation more towards her own reason for being here though and mused, “I always thought I’d be down, but I just thought I was just curious… isn’t everyone curious what it’s like to have sex with women? And I’ve had fun sex with men so…”

Minxi’s smile was so wise and sisterly as she encouraged, “You don’t have to choose, you know.” Jungkook felt like he was definitely seeing a new side to her. He’d always just thought of her as Alex’s nice but kind of quiet, nerdy friend.

“Yeah… I don’t really know where I am for real but I am definitely not straight. Right?” She glanced at Jungkook for confirmation.

Jungkook snickered, “That’s not my decision!” Good. This was good. Go along with the detour and then steer it back and it would keep him from looking too desperate to figure out if May was talking shit or if she knew something.

“I had sex with a woman,” she explained suddenly to May and Minxi. Her new lesbian friends. Jungkook began to wonder if maybe he was no longer needed here but he stayed anyway because fuck if he was leaving without finding out what May had meant.

“And you liked it?” May guessed. “There’s not a test you have to pass. If you think you’re gay, you’re gay, congrats.”

“Yeah. Thanks. I think? I don’t know, maybe it’s just her… I thought maybe if I met another woman I like, it would help me understand myself more and whether it’s just that woman or all women or what. I don’t think it’s that woman though. I mean, she was great but I don’t really want to date her…”

“That’s why you two are here on a Tuesday night? You’re wingmanning for her?” May laughed.

“Yeah. Believe it or not I am a great ally.”

“Yeah, yeah, I believe it actually,” May waved her hand at him.

“We thought it might be too busy and stressful on the weekend,” Anita admitted, but looked shy about it now. “Like maybe on a Tuesday night, I could meet someone more, um, serious or something? I don’t know…”

“Well Anita who I don’t know, you want some sage lesbian advice from the girl who’s too chicken to come out to her own family?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t worry about whether it’s one woman or lots of women or what. It doesn’t matter. Once you know you want someone, just shoot your shot and see where it gets you. For instance, don’t wait until she’s in love with your replacement before you–”

“Ok ok,” Jungkook sighed, and leaned away and motioned towards himself, “Fine. Let’s have it.”

“Did you really really really tell my sister you’re in love with her?” May demanded. “LIke that’s not just a rumor, that’s actually a thing that happened that apparently exploded your entire friend group.”

Jungkook let out a deep sigh and then admitted for a laugh, “I drunkenly kissed her first and then I said it. And then I said it again and we had a fight about it. And then I said it again but real mature, and she moved out the next day.”

“Fuck,” May laughed. “That is the saddest and funniest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Yeah, well…” He laughed too. He wanted to laugh about it. That made it feel a little less raw.

“And you meant it?”

The question brought him up short. His brow scrunched together, whole face briefly serious as he insisted to May, “Yeah, I meant it. Why would I say it if I didn’t?”

“I don’t know–”

“Why would I do something that made my best friend cry her eyeballs out, move out of our home, cut me completely out of her life–”

“Ok ok geez, I get it. Well what took you so long to figure it out? Because honestly you guys have been disgustingly obvious–”

“We haven’t been though,” he argued. “We were just easy with each other. It was always so easy, I just didn’t question it, and it’s not like she was flirting with intentions or anything–”

May growled low in her throat, “I’ve never been a very good sister so I’ll just be a shitty one now too and say it: if you really couldn’t tell she’s been in love with you since like forever, you’re literally the dumbest person I have ever met in my life.”

“I…” He didn’t know what to say to that. Hope and doubt warred in his chest. He couldn't trust anyone saying anything with such confidence when Alex herself had told him the opposite, and yet her own sister said it so confidently! But Alex didn’t know May was gay (haha, it rhymed!) so how could May possibly have any real insight into feelings that Alex herself may or may not have, may or may not realize, may or may not want to admit, and definitely didn’t want to act on.

“Wow,” May mused. “You’re really that dumb. I can see every thought on your face–”

“How can you know that? You two aren’t exactly close.”

“I’m just telling you what I see.”

“Well she said the opposite pretty clearly.”

“I’ll be honest,” Anita butted in, “if I’d been in love with you for years and had to watch you move through women like water and not even consider me, I’d hate you too–”

“But it wasn’t about not considering her! It was just that she was… not like that… untouchable–”

“Fuck,” all three women said at the same time.

“NO not like that! Not interested, not available, not– just too good for someone like me and–”

“Calm down, will you? You’re shouting. We only do that on Wednesdays and Fridays in here.”

But Jungkook’s head was spinning because honestly that was even worse than believing she just didn’t return his feelings. Not that it was the first time someone had suggested it but Alex had always so loudly, vocally shut it down, and he’d believed her. Now, May speaking so confidently terrified him, because what if it was true? What if Alex didn’t hate him because he’d confessed feelings and been all clingy once she had a boyfriend, but because she’d actually always wanted to be that woman for him and he’d–

Fuck. He’d fucked around for years. He’d made no secret of how often he slept with women. He’d flaunted it. It was a point of pride for him, a running joke with their friends. He’d told Alex shit about it all the time to make her laugh because she was so unbothered by it but what if she wasn’t so unbothered by it and instead she was dying inside the way he’d died inside every time she told him about Hoseok?!

Jungkook groaned and slumped forward on the table, pressing his face right down on the sticky top. He deserved it. The brief flicker of hope May had given him fizzled out into abject despair. That was worse. The thought he might have been hurting Alex for years was worse than anything.

“She never cared,” he mumbled into his elbow. Then before anyone could say anything, he beat them to it, “I’m the biggest idiot who ever lived.”

“Yeah pretty much–”

“May,” Minxi scolded. “Come on, you’re being too mean.”

“He’s the one who said it!”

“You’re not the biggest idiot,” Minxi argued. “Just a medium idiot. I don’t know if May’s right but I wouldn’t be surprised either. You two were always something special and it was really sweet but it did seem like she had started to resent your behavior more. But no one could say anything about it either, she was so protective of you and your lifestyle and everything, like you could do no wrong. I was glad when she met Hoseok because she seems so happy with him.”

“Oh yeah, Minx, that was way better,” May laughed.

Jungkook sat up with a sigh. Looking back, he couldn’t pinpoint times, but yeah, Minxi might be right about that too. Not that he and Alex fought a lot but it seemed like they argued more –like about the wedding.

“It’s ok,” Jungkook assured her. “I get it. I fucked up.”

“Ok then my last question is, what are you doing about it? Why did you give up so easily?”

“Because I was being an asshole,” he immediately answered. “I wanted her to break up with Hoseok but –yeah, it was a bad look. I didn’t give up, but I told her how I feel and now I’m giving her the space she wants. She knows where to find me if she changes her mind.”

“Good boy,” Anita smiled and patted his hand. He rolled his eyes.

“Ok well I can’t argue with Minxi, she does seem pretty happy with Hoseok and you were an idiot, but I think you’ve proven by now that making her jealous doesn’t motivate her so if that’s what you were trying to do with people thinking you’re dating–”

“That’s not it,” Jungkook insisted. “I’m not playing a game. I don’t know why anyone thinks I’m suddenly dating. I can have a friend I don’t want to date!”

“Like Alex?” Anita suggested, then covered her mouth and laughed, “Sorry! It was too perfect not to say.”

“Shut up…”

“I’m not saying hound her. I don’t know why my sister does the things she does or makes the choices she makes, maybe she’s made her choice and she’s happy with it,” May admitted, with a shrug. “She’s always been weird, I don’t know. I just mean, she’s really stubborn and you put her in a bad situation to have to change her mind, so just make it easy. I don’t know, she’s grumpy this week, maybe just send her a nice no-pressure thing to remind her you exist…”

“Is she fighting with Hoseok?” Jungkook asked, trying not to sound eager.

“Ok I really don’t know. You are the person she talked to most about anything going on in her life. Who’s replaced you? I don’t think anyone has,” May admitted. “Hoseok? I don’t know. I don’t know what to make of that guy. He’s nice but…”

“Ooh are you going to trash talk the boyfriend?” Anita gasped.

“No, don’t do that,” Jungkook insisted. “I don’t want to hear it. Forget I asked.”

“All right.”

They sipped drinks for a minute. Jungkook’s mind was humming but also completely tripped up. Don’t harass her but make it easy on her… to change her mind? To choose him instead of Hoseok? That’s what he was trying to do, but she was avoiding him! The only time he’d seen her at all was when he just happened to be at the phone store –granted, he was avoiding any friend gathering she might go to after she missed the birthday party because he didn’t want her to feel like she couldn’t go. But there hadn’t been much.

Ok. He’d think about this… once he was past the shock of it. Of May saying Alex might have been in love with him while he just brutalized her heart basically –not about May being gay and dating Minxi, he was already over that, that was so much less important.

May laughed again and shook her head, “Can’t believe you’re just dumb… gay would have been a better explanation.”

“Ok, May, thanks.”

“Look everyone else might be dancing around this whole thing but I’ll always give it to you straight.”

“Speaking of giving it–”

“Don’t make a crude joke–”

“I think you should give your sister a chance,” Jungkook suggested. “Even if you aren’t ready to be totally out, you know she’ll love and support you, yeah? And she’s good to have in your corner, if you’re really worried about your parents.”

“Yeah. She is. I know.”

“That was unusually nice for you to admit–”

Minxi interrupted, “Ok Anita, it's your turn, let’s hear what’s going on with you and this woman who opened your eyes. She was really that good?”

“Ok she’s not that good,” Jungkook snorted.

“You already knew you were straight so how do you know?”

“Ok ok sorry, carry on.”

“Wait, you fucked this woman too?” May asked, suddenly looking more interested. “Minxi, did you fuck her?! Who owns this magical pussy?”

Minxi just closed her eyes and shook her head which Jungkook thought summed up this Tuesday night very well.

In a pure coincidence, Alex had already heard the news, because she followed a link to a funny tweet from a Buzzfeed article and it refreshed her Twitter feed that she didn’t check ever anymore and one of the top Tweets in her timeline was from the arcade with the big announcement: We will be closing our doors on November 5. Come redeem your tickets while you can!

It was like a lightning bolt to the face from the gods. She was struck dumb by this tweet and the combined knowledge that Jungkook had tickets to spend, that he wouldn’t have enough to get the prizes he wanted because they’d stopped going to the arcade, that he had bought a dog and then she’d promptly friend-dumped him, and that after November 5th the opportunity to ever reconcile and finish earning those tickets together and buy the Slushee machine for their shared apartment would be truly and completely lost forever. This felt decidedly more final than the fact that neither of them lived in that apartment anymore. For all she knew, he’d junked the dog.

The tweet left her immobilized in bed for some time. Should she text him? Should she let it go? Maybe he hadn’t seen. Maybe he didn’t care. Maybe the arcade wasn’t anything important to him now. If he was dating Anita, maybe he didn’t even play games– ok, no, he definitely still played games. She could see him dating Anita and living life without Alex but video games were in his deep heart, he’d never give those up completely. But it didn’t mean he cared about the arcade. Or maybe he just didn’t know. Maybe she’d text him about it and he’d be like yeah we should go and say goodbye. But was that bad?

Alex sat up in bed. Should they do that? Go say goodbye to the arcade? No, because it was an important thing about their friendship but yes, too, right? She didn’t hate Jungkook. He didn’t hate her. Their friendship was a precious thing to her and this was the death of a mutual friend and they should be able to bid that friend farewell without it being an issue. She’d just text him. She’d see what he said and if he didn’t care maybe she’d still just, like, drive by on her own or something and wave at the building.

Oh god that was so sad. It was so sad that the arcade was closing. Even though she hadn’t been in months now, that was so fucking sad for it to be done.

She pressed her phone to her mouth and debated. What if Jungkook read into it too much? How could she say they should say farewell without making it sound like she was looking for something more? Or what if he wanted to bring Anita? She’d be hurt. She wasn’t going to bring Hoseok. Wait, should she take Hoseok? Double date repeat?

Her phone buzzed against her mouth.

[JK]: hey arcade is closing down on the 5th

He beat her to it! Alex’s heart leapt into her throat as she jerked backwards against the pillows and texted back, thumbs tapping furiously against her phone.

[Alex]: I just saw the news!! How sad!!!

[Alex]: guess they couldn’t stay afloat when hot girl [me] stopped going

[JK]: the fact you clarified

[JK]: you barely spent any money there

[JK]: I was funding that place!

[Alex]: hope you can live with the blood on your hands

As soon as she sent it, she realized the fucked up implications though. He stopped going because she left. It wasn’t really his fault, it was hers, and the fact he hadn’t simply been taking Anita or some other girl instead of her barely soothed the awkward thing she’d just poked her finger in.

[JK]: actually I want to return to the scene of the crime one last time and get my fucking slushee machine

[Alex]: 😱

[Alex]: do you even have enough tickets? Sure Namjoon is stoked for a slushee machine

Ok. Ok fine she was fishing. A nauseating fear seized her chest as she found herself deadlocked. She should ask. She should be the one to suggest it. But suggesting it… was it a bad idea? How would she explain to Hoseok that actually she was going to go hang out with Jungkook after all… just this one time…

[JK]: I’m close on tickets

[JK]: I’m going there that night to earn the rest and get it

Oh my god just ask me… should I ask?... I should just ask it’s not a big deal…

[JK]: let me know if you want to meet up for one last arcade night

[JK]: if not it’s cool maybe I’ll still let you have a slushee next time you’re at Namjoon’s

[Alex]: Namjoon’s? Isn’t it your place too now that you live there?

[Alex]: but yeah, ok I’ll go

He put a thumbs up on her message but didn’t respond, which was fine with her because her heart was hammering in her chest like she was doing something wrong. But she wasn’t! This was a unique thing! Going to play games with him and say goodbye to the arcade would just be a temporary break in the space, like a truce between warring mob families because the pizza place they both loved and warred over burned to the ground.

Oh god, she couldn’t make it make sense. She had to just lay there in bed and breathe for a moment because a weird clashing of excitement and terror seized her. And it made no sense! It was just going to the arcade with Jungkook! Her friend of forever! The guy she’d practically pissed herself over running into at the mall and now she was already figuring out what to wear that would make her look happy and cool but not too cool that he’d think she changed into a different person or had thought too much about what to wear.

Ok. No, this was fine. It was normal to be relieved and happy to get to hang out with a friend you’d had a major falling out with but hoped to have a low key friendship again with someday! And she had loved going to the arcade with him so it would be fun. And maybe once they could re-establish contact, she wouldn’t have to miss him so damn much, because she could just check in when she needed to. It was cool. Everything was cool.

Everything was not cool. Alex stood by the counter, arms crossed, simmering with annoyance as Hoseok stood by the oven, looking exactly the same.

“I told you about this party weeks ago,” Hoseok argued.

“But you didn’t tell me what day it was,” Alex argued.

“I did, I told you the fifth and you said you’d go–”

“No, you just said in November,” Alex insisted. “And I do want to go with you but I didn’t know it was that day and I have other plans now– you have to tell me the date and then I put it on my calendar immediately.”

But he hadn’t told her the date, she was so sure. Like 95% sure! She would have put it on her calendar. She did remember him telling her about the housewarming party in general –for a college friend of his who was moving to the area, but not quite this area, about an hour away. They’d bought a whole farmhouse or something because that’s what you could do when you inherited money.

But he hadn’t told her the date and so the only thing she had planned for the fifth was the last night of the arcade with Jungkook. But now, three days out, Hoseok had mentioned he bought wine and flowers for them to take, and she had asked “to what?” and now they were all tangled up.

“I did tell you.”

“You didn’t! But– ok but whether you did or didn’t, I still have these other plans that night.” She presented that in the futile hopes he’d just be like ah ok yes I understand, we shall convene another night!

Instead he asked the question she had hoped to gracefully avoid, “What other plans? Can you move them?”

“No, it has to be that night, I don’t control it–”

“Ok but… Alex, this is really important to me. What’s this other thing that’s so much more important?”

“I know you want me there but what’s so important about your thing?” she demanded. “It’s just a housewarming, right? You can go without me and I’ll meet your friends another time!”

“But you told me you’d go!” Hoseok frowned. “I told them you’d go. It’s all my friends from college in one place, that never happens.”

“I get it but it’s just a party.”

“But it’s important to me and you told me you’d go and you won’t even tell me this other thing that’s more important to you.”

Well shit. She definitely couldn’t tell him now that this other thing was going to the arcade for an evening with Jungkook. Not only would it reveal she’d planned this without telling him (she shouldn’t have to! …right?) but also that she was avoiding telling him and that it was more important to her than meeting his college friends.

It just was! She shouldn’t have to explain that. The arcade had been a really constant fun part of her friendship and it was going away and sure maybe they could go on the 4th or the 3rd or something but Jungkook had asked her to go on the 5th. It was the last night. It was meaningful! It was important to her!

“Well?” he demanded.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s a family thing…”

“A family thing?”

“Yeah like a private thing to honor the anniversary of my grandmother dying…”

Oh shit. She was going to hell. But the lie slid off her tongue without anything to grab onto to hold it back.

“So I can’t move it.”

Hoseok looked crestfallen and she realized she’d won. Obviously he couldn’t insist that a housewarming party for his friends was more important than a private memorial service for her dead grandmother.

She hated herself a little in that moment but she couldn’t take it back. She couldn’t think about the ramifications of when that lie would come out. She just stood there with panic trapped behind her teeth as he mulled this over. Victory didn’t feel good.

“Well… ok what if we went to my friends’ house earlier in the day?” he asked. “What time is your family thing?”

“Seven.” She made that up. Maybe she should have said earlier. How long did Jungkook need to earn his tickets? “But I have to get ready too.”

Suddenly Hoseok reanimated, “Oh, not until the evening though? Ok well they’re doing an all day thing because it’s a whole barn and stuff. We can just go earlier!”

“Isn’t it a party?”

“Yeah but it’s kind of a reunion thing, it’s not just a drinking party like your friends have.”

Alex choked on a bit of a saliva. Just a drinking party.

Hoseok didn’t notice and continued, “They have horses we can ride and like a bunch of animals, and they converted the barn into an art gallery–”

“I thought they just bought this place?”

“No no they bought it and paid to have it restored and they’re just now moving in. Ah, ok, this can still work. Is that ok?”

“It’s an hour away, isn’t it? I have to be back in time.”

“Yeah, no problem. We can go– I’ll check with them but we can go for lunch and the afternoon and then I’ll bring you home in time to get ready for your family thing.”

Realizing he might fish for an invitation to a thing that wasn’t happening, and also because she felt guiltier by the second about her lie, she suggested, “Ok but I feel bad for you to miss the evening. I could just drive myself and come back early.”

“No no I can use you as an excuse, I’m sure I’ll be ready to go too, and I’d rather leave together.”

She didn’t understand why. She didn’t understand why this was so important, but trapped now by her own lies, she felt consumed with guilt and didn’t want to argue with him further. Her conscience could rest easier with a compromise like this.

“Ok. Sure. As long as I’m back in time– yeah, we can make this work,” she said. “Ok?”

He nodded slowly. She felt that. It was uncomfortable to argue. They didn’t do that often. And part of her wondered if that was because usually she just went along with whatever. Now that her life had slimmed down, it wasn’t like their schedules were at odds. She rarely had anything going on. She was so eager to be part of his life and world and it pissed her off a little that the one time she had a schedule conflict he wanted to press her for details, as if she ought to defer to his judgment about her priorities!

“Yeah. Ok. Sorry I got spicy about it,” he said and shuffled close. “It’s just really important to me to have you there. I want you to meet all my friends.”

Usually Alex would have purred under the insinuation that he wanted to show her off. But when she already felt pissy and prickly, it didn’t quite hit the same. She had to force the smile. It was uncomfortable to swallow as she forced herself to reciprocate the hug she didn’t want. Maybe the pill wasn’t resentment or anger though, maybe it was guilt. Maybe she needed him to be the bad guy right now because holy shit she was hiding from her boyfriend that she was going to spend the evening with Jungkook and that was an asshole thing to do, wasn’t it?

And yet Alex did it.

Alex had definitely worn the wrong shoes for the farm but Hoseok had too. She loud laughed at the way he cringed every time they picked their way across the muddy farmyard to get to the barn or the firepit or the main house where food and music lured them as much as the shelter from the cold gray day.

But Hoseok’s college friends, it turned out, were made of sterner stuff. They teased Hoseok when he asked for wipes to clean his shoes off. They teased him when he didn’t want to drink. They teased him when he didn’t want to ride a horse. Every time Alex and Hoseok would start to get comfy inside, his friends would beckon them out again to feed the chickens or because everyone was talking about the new roof on the barn and they wanted Hoseok to see it too or because a new friend had arrived and they wanted everyone to return to the barn so that person could talk about the pieces of their art that hung there.

It was fun in the beginning. Alex felt special as the new girlfriend no one knew, and Hoseok was apparently very proud to have her with him, which felt good. She held onto his arm and stomped all over the place and giggle-whispered with Hoseok about the baby goats. She felt like she’d stepped into a different class of people, touristing with Hoseok, and there was camaraderie in that. She got a little prickly about the way they teased him but he didn’t seem to mind so she just squeezed his hand and went along with it.

“Are you going to open this place like a museum?” Alex had foolishly asked while trying to sound really interested and knowledgeable while staring at avant garde art (was that the right word?) hung on the walls of the barn so modernized on the inside she wasn’t sure you could really call it a barn anymore. The question set off a cavalcade of information about non-profits and working farms and private versus public art. Alex had been shocked by the way this group of people seemed all so closely woven. She’d been relieved when Hoseok wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind, but also confused as to how exactly Hoseok fit in with these people.

“So how did you all know each other in school?” she asked Hoseok later as they huddled close by the fire. It was a little too cold for the fire to be fun, but Hoseok had asked if she wanted to and she thought that meant he did so there they were with a few others. By now there were several dozen people roaming the place and she had hoped it would be a little less intense than the hours of acting as a welcoming party that had started the day.

She meant the question just for him but wound up with another earful from the other people around the fire who had apparently eavesdropped and eagerly dumped overlapping stories out as Hoseok tried to get a word in edgewise. Eventually she teased out that Hoseok had been roommates with a few of them, and danced with a few others.

“You quit though after college, right?” one guy asked Hoseok. Alex had given up on remembering their names because most of them had nicknames too so it was impossible to know who anyone was talking about. Also she was cold. And also the sun was starting to go down and that vague antsy feeling she’d had all afternoon about making it home in time was starting to get louder.

She wasn’t too distracted to miss the way another guy kind of scoffed, “Yeah you know it’s not a life that most people are cut out for.”

“Oh, did you tell them you’ve been dancing again?” she asked.

Hoseok shifted uncomfortably in the chair they were wedged into together and grinned, “Oh well that’s not really anything– just starting to get back into it. I miss it, you know? I’m very out of shape…” There was something in his voice Alex found curious but she didn’t press it because one of the girls had just asked her a question.

“How did you two meet again?”

“Work.”

“Where do you work?”

“Starbucks,” Alex answered.

“Oh. Corporate?”

“I was for a while but now I’m an assistant manager. I like being more hands on with a coffee shop,” Hoseok answered. “What about you, what are you doing?”

Alex butted in to clarify, “I’m just a barista.”

Hoseok looked surprised by her defensive tone, but she felt like he’d just tried to hide that she was nothing very ambitious.

“Yeah, you’re great at your job. She’s a shift supervisor. One of the best we’ve got –not at my store though, unfortunately. Then we wouldn’t be able to date so I took the hit professionally,” he chuckled.

Ok, maybe he hadn’t tried to hide it.

“It’s cold, can we go inside and warm up for a little bit?”

“Just sit closer to the fire,” one of the other girls suggested. But the smoke was way too thick for that and all the fire really did was make her face burn and leave her ass cold.

“You’re a city kid, huh?” another unimportant person joked and Alex didn’t appreciate the laugh, or the way Hoseok squeezed her shoulders and agreed, “Yeah.” As if he wasn’t?!

“It’s great to see Hobi in his natural element,” Alex smiled brightly at him. Hoseok’s eyes narrowed and he leaned in and kissed her cheek, laughing as if she’d just meant it as a playful joke. Maybe it would have been playful half an hour ago when she could still feel her nose. “We should probably get going soon though,” she commented, checking her phone. She’d asked to be home by six and it was four now but they could hit traffic.

“Soon,” Hoseok agreed. “Hey, Chris, whatever happened to that dance startup you were so excited about? Is that a sore subject?”

“Soon” apparently meant different things to Hoseok and Alex. Or maybe it was just that every minute seemed to drag worse for her. She wanted to think the stories from college were funny because this was a glimpse into Hoseok’s history she’d never had before, but the stories actually weren’t very funny. Hoseok cleaning a shared suite where it was obvious no one else had helped or appreciated his efforts. Hoseok drunk too quick at parties and left passed out various places as if that was some funny joke. Hoseok failing a test because he’d spent all night designated driving friends and then been such a “good friend” he didn’t rat them out to the professor. Hoseok working his ass off to fill in last minute for a space in their dance crew at a competition, and there was just something in the way they talked about it that made her uncomfortable, “yeah you were crazy motivated, we knew we could give you anything and you’d learn it or die trying.” He was an incredibly motivated person!

And honestly these people were kinda assholes! Whatever novelty had existed in the beginning wore off completely and Alex realized that these college friends of Hoseok’s were nothing more than bullying assholes. It was easy to see now how eager he had probably been in college to maintain these friendships, and how eager he was now to still impress these people who didn’t deserve his effort to impress.

Something to talk about another day, though, because it was time to go.

“Hey, we should head out in case we hit traffic,” Alex said at 4:30. Hoseok checked his watch and nodded, “Ok yeah after this story.”

At 4:45 she went to the bathroom and grabbed Hoseok’s arm and insisted, “Ok, time to go.”

“Sure one sec, let me help –hey, do you need help carrying that inside before it rains?” he called and darted forward to help Madelynn, one of the women who owned the farm. Alex was not actually sure how many people lived here.

Holy shit, was this a cult?

The question still lingered on her tongue when at five she tried to pull Hoseok away again, reminding him, “I need to be back by six to get ready. Can we leave the compound now?”

“The compound? What?”

“Let’s say goodbye, we need to go.”

“Hey Hobi, come look, Riley brought a video of Regionals and you’re in it, we’re putting it on now!’

“Wah, let’s look,” Hoseok pleaded, grabbing her arm. “I want you to see the way I danced in college.”

“Can’t we just watch it another time?”

“I don’t have it, come on, it’ll only take a minute!” He grabbed her arm and dragged her to the house.

Twenty minutes.

Now Alex was starting to get pissed, and pulled him aside to point out, “We need to get going. You don’t even have your coat on. I’m already late to get ready and if we run into traffic–”

“We won’t, there’s not traffic back to the city this time of night.”

“But I’m already going to have less time to get ready.”

“Ok, I know, I’m sorry,” he said, and kissed her forehead. “Let me say bye and we’ll go.”

He meant bye to everyone. It meant stomping back out to the barn and the campfire and through the living room again and getting distracted by the video on the TV.

“Hoseok,” she hissed. “Let’s go.”

It had been too loud. People looked over, and Hoseok got red in the face as he frowned, “Ok, sorry, we’re going. You’re ready?”

“Yes,” she murmured, embarrassed. She didn’t bother waving as they found their way out to the car. But Hoseok stepped in dog shit on the way and had to go back for wipes so he could clean it off before he’d get in the car, while Alex sat in the passenger’s seat fuming.

“Ok,” he finally said, overly cheerful. It thudded to the ground. “Time to go.”

“It was time to go an hour ago,” she pointed out.

“We’ll get home quick–”

“It’s already almost six! We still have an hour to drive!” she pointed out.

“Ok, sorry, you can tell your family it was my fault–”

“Just drive, please,” she said, and pulled out her phone and texted.

[Alex]: hey may be running late, got stuck at another thing

[JK]: k I’m already here

What! She scrolled up to check but they hadn’t ever agreed on a time. She’d assumed seven because… because why?

[Alex]: I’m like an hour away

[JK]: it’s cool I wanted to make sure I have time to get enough tickets so I got here early

Alex appreciated his chill. It was fine. It was fine if she was late to meet Jungkook, there wasn’t a hard timeline, they were just going to play some games and buy a slushie machine and wave goodbye to a building. It was annoying Hoseok had dragged his feet about leaving but she didn’t actually need an hour to get ready to meet Jungkook. She planned to just change clothes and go and she’d already laid everything out. Worst case scenario she could just wear what she was wearing and go right to the arcade. Yeah, maybe she’d do that, because the knowledge that Jungkook was already there made her twitch impatiently in her seat like she was already late.

“Ah, is your family going to be mad at me?” Hoseok asked. “Sorry. Sorry. Do you want me just to drive you straight home and you can get your car later?”

“No, it’s fine. Just focus on driving please.”

An awkward silence ballooned.

“Hey, um… thanks for going with me. I know it’s a big day for you. I’m sorry I kind of lost track of time.”

“How could you lose track of time while I kept harassing you about it?”

He laughed, maybe a little forced, “You know I’m just social. I thought you liked that about me!”

She frowned harder. She did. Usually.

“I do but you knew I had to leave at a certain time.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just get carried away with– I haven’t seen these people in so long. It’s so strange, I feel like I’m right back in college with them.”

“Yeah but is that a good thing?” Alex asked. “They’re assholes.”

“Uh… huh?”

Fuck.

Her bad temper was making her too blunt, so she tried to explain, “I just didn’t think they treated you very well. All their stories were about you working really hard and them not appreciating it.”

“No no, that’s just how they were in college, you know? I was kind of odd. I’m still kind of odd!” he laughed.

“No, you’re great,” she insisted, even while secretly angry with him. Or, well, not so secretly. “I just don��t think they talked very nice to you. You drove all this way and they didn’t seem genuinely interested in you at all, they just wanted to show off their art.”

“They were interested in me…”

“And I think they were judgy about me just being a barista–”

“They weren’t, Alex. Why would they be? Your job is fine!”

“Yeah, ‘fine’ is probably what they thought– why is traffic so slow?” she demanded and began to take her coat off because it was too hot in the car. The slow down had been obvious though, a sea of red brake lights blocking them to a stop.

“Must be an accident,” Hoseok mumbled. His mouth curved downwards. Alex resisted saying anything about it, just looked nervously at the red lights and tried to crane her neck to see how much further it stretched.

For a few minutes the car was painfully tense. Alex’s stomach hurt with the restless frustration. Late. Late late late. Jungkook was already at the arcade and she still had to get her car and get there to meet him. And there would be no rain check. It was tonight or never.

Finally the cars started to move again. Alex let out a sigh of relief and settled back in her chair.

“I’m sorry you didn’t like my college friends,” Hoseok said, cracking the thin peace wide open. “They liked you.”

“I don’t think they did but I’m surprised… you really don’t have an issue with how they treated you?”

“No, Alex, they’re just old friends.”

“That doesn’t give them the right. You just see the good in people too much I guess.”

“Yeah well you too,” he retorted.

She wasn’t used to retorts from Hoseok.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing,” he sighed.

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing. Forget I said anything. I appreciate that you came all the way out here with me today and I’m sorry you didn’t have fun.”

The way he said it made her feel guilty, like she’d only half done what she was supposed to do, like she ought to have just relished the way these college friends were kind of judgmental and rude.

“I thought you’d appreciate that I’m protective of you,” she huffed at him and turned away to chew on her thumbnail which she did not usually do.

“There’s a difference between being protective of me and not wanting to be there.”

“I obviously wanted to be there or I wouldn’t have gone even though it’s making me late for my own plans. I don’t think it’s fair that you’re mad at me that I didn’t like watching college friends bully you for six hours–”

“It wasn’t six hours.”

“We got there at one–”

“Yeah that’s not–”

“And we left at nearly six–”

“That’s only five–”

“Does that one hour really make a difference?!” she cried. She covered her face. “Just… drive…”

“I am driving, as fast as I can, but I’m not going to get into a wreck. Your family would rather you be late and safe, I’m sure.”

“They would have preferred I be on time,” she argued. And felt the defensive rage prickled further because he kept mentioning her family like he knew she had told a lie and wanted to see how many times he could get her to tell it again.

“Is this because I forgot to tell you I dated Angela for a little while–”

“No,” Alex assured him. “I don’t care at all about that, it was years ago.”

“I didn’t realize she’d even be here or I would have told you, but it really wasn’t anything important. We only dated for a few months and now she’s married.”

“I’m not bothered by it,” Alex said again and sincerely meant it. “What, you think I’m just being a jealous bitch right now? I really don’t care about meeting your ex-girlfriend. I’m proud of you for not marrying into that group–”

“You’re being mean–”

“You’re making me late!”

“So call your family! Put them on speaker phone right now and I’ll tell them it’s my fault and–”

“I don’t want my family to be mad at you!”

“I’ll make it up to them.”

“Just drive!” she pleaded and looked at her phone. 7:15.

Her stomach twisted with nausea. Her whole body was bouncing in the seat. She couldn’t look at the clock anymore, she couldn’t get there any faster, and she felt the wires inside her twisting almost to the point of breaking. She was supposed to be at the arcade with Jungkook fifteen minutes ago but Hoseok had made her go to that stupid cold dirty farm party with his asshole friends and now she was already late.

[Alex]: sorry traffic

[JK]: it’s cool

[JK]: they close at 9 tonight they just said

[Alex]: fuck

[Alex]: I’m hurrying

It was a lie. There was nothing she could do to hurry. She gritted her teeth before realizing she was chewing a hole in her cheek. She stopped that and tried to find a position in the seat that would make the car move faster.

“Fuck.”

“What.”

Hoseok didn’t answer at first. He mumbled curses under his breath and pulled onto the exit ramp.

“Hobi?”

“We’re um.. I’m going the wrong way–”

“What?!”

The rage and frustration left her incapable of speech at first. Probably that was for the best. He pulled over and checked directions on his phone and Alex seethed in her seat. He didn’t like to drive with his phone GPS on because he felt like it was distracting. He preferred to just memorize the route. He had a good memory. Usually that worked.

But not fucking today!

He pulled back onto the highway going the other way and Alex thought she might vomit from the stress. She was going to miss it. She was going to miss the whole thing.

She pulled out her phone and did the math.

“How far in the wrong way did we go?” she demanded.

“I’m going to drive faster. Make sure you’re buckled.”

“Hobi…”

The drive became very quiet after that. Alex had nothing to say. Occasionally she looked at her phone. Sometimes only two minutes had passed and that gave her hope. Other times it was longer.

And then.

A loud popping sound made the car jerk and rattle. The cartoonish explosion of the tire was so obvious in an instant. Hoseok immediately pulled over to the shoulder and put the hazards on. Alex immediately burst into tears. And Hoseok did too.

“I’m sorry,” he cried. “I’m trying to get you home fast, I’m sorry I lost track of time.”

Alex just covered her face with her hands and cried, the stress rushing out on trembling breaths. She was going to miss the whole fucking thing. It was eight. They closed at nine. And now they had a flat tire. And her boyfriend was literally in tears, he felt so bad about it and she was literally a liar.

Her tears actually helped though. They vented the anger that had been bubbling up higher and higher. They washed away the pressure because she’d missed it. It was over. There was no point trying to get there anymore and no need to try. The surrender took all the fight out of her.

“Do you have roadside assistance?” she managed to choke out through her tears. She sniffled. Hoseok nodded. She reached out and squeezed his hand. “Ok.”

She listened to the tremble in Hoseok’s voice as he made the call. She kept hold of his hand, trying to pull herself back to sanity. Ok. She’d missed it. That’s all there was to it. All this did was prove she had been right two months ago that she couldn’t do it all. She couldn’t have both. She’d had to choose and she’d made her choice and trying to go back wasn’t possible.

“I lied to you,” she admitted quietly as they sat there waiting. “I don’t have a family thing tonight.”

“What?”

“The arcade I used to go to with Jungkook is closing. Tonight is the last night and I was supposed to meet him so we could finally cash in his tickets and say goodbye to the place.”

He didn’t respond at first. She was afraid to look at him but then curiosity overpowered her shame and she saw he just stared at the steering wheel. She waited for the yelling and the accusations and the anger.

Instead he asked, “Why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place?”

“Because I didn’t want you to get upset I was going to see him again.”

“Alex… I never told you that you couldn’t see him. You’re the one who decided that.”

“Yeah but… it’s not that I really meant to hide it from you or anything but then you had this other party and I figured you wouldn’t understand why this was so important to me. Maybe you would just think I was going back on my word or something but it’s not about him, it’s about… it’s just that this arcade was really important to me for such a long time and…”

“I understand.”

Silence.

“I’m sorry you’re missing it. Tonight is the last night?”

“Yep.”

“What time does it close?”

“Nine.”

They looked the clock on the dash. 8:35.

“Shit,” he muttered. “I’m sorry, Alex.”

What else could either of them say? He hadn’t reacted badly even though she’d lied, which didn't give her any reason to puff up again. Instead it left her feeling stupid for not having been honest in the first place.

“Can I ask you a question and you’ll tell me the truth?”

“Sure,” he agreed.

“If I had told you I wanted to skip the party to go to the arcade with Jungkook, would it have hurt your feelings?”

Hoseok’s mouth twitched was enough of an answer for her. He hesitated before turning to her in the dark car and admitting,

“Yeah. But that doesn’t mean I would have told you not to do it or anything.”

“Now you can just be relieved that my family isn’t upset. Just me.”

“Sorry.” But she knew he wasn’t really. Sorry she was upset, sure. But probably not sorry that he’d gotten to take her to the party and she wasn’t spending the evening with Jungkook after all.

“It’s hard to lose things and people you really cared about,” she told him.

“Even when they’re not what’s best for you anymore?” Hoseok asked.

“Didn’t you still want to impress your college friends?”

“Ah.” He sighed. “Yeah.”

They didn’t have to talk about it more because roadside assistance pulled up then. Instead Hoseok stood outside holding the flashlight while the man put the spare tire on. Hoseok made Alex stand over on the sidewalk under a streetlight because he was worried she’d get hit. In the meantime, she texted Jungkook.

[Alex]: flat tire I’m not going to make it

He didn’t respond. For all she knew, he didn’t even believe her. Jungkook was someone separate from her now. Maybe he thought she just had too much fun at the party with Hoseok and flaked. She hadn’t even told him she was at a party with Hoseok but she wasn’t thinking logically right now about things. She felt exhausted and disappointed by everything.

[Alex]: I’m really sorry I really wanted to be there

When he still didn’t respond, she gave up.

With the spare tire on, Hoseok had to drive extra slow. It was a blessing Alex had already called it because this would definitely have had her scratching holes in the roof of the car. Instead they were both very soft and quiet as Hoseok drove back to his apartment. He thanked her again and apologized again.

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” she said. “And I’m sorry I was a brat about the thing today.”

“I understand. I hope you don’t feel like you have to lie to me ever again though.” Leave it to Hoseok to give her the easy way out. It didn’t make her feel any less shitty. As a punishment, she wasn’t getting her evening with Jungkook anyway. Maybe she would have if she’d told the truth. Or maybe Hoseok was overestimating himself right now and it would have been a fight a few days ago instead. But maybe if they’d fought a few days ago, she could have made it to the arcade, she could have just sped over when Jungkook admitted he was already there.

Was that a shitty thing to think?

They hugged but it was an awkward goodbye. The night buzzed in her ears when she got into her own car to drive home. But the arcade drew her. Even though she’d missed the night, she felt the loss settle deep in her belly, and knew she at least wanted to drive by one more time and peer in the windows and wave. She felt like she deserved at least that.

The emotions of everything still had her overheated so she cracked her window to get some cool air in and stripped her coat off as she drove. Wouldn’t it be ironic to get into a wreck now? She felt wrecked by the day. Probably she was going to cry at the sight of the stupid building.

At 9:23 she pulled up in front of the closed arcade in the emptying parking lot. She grabbed her coat but just carried it over her arm and walked quickly through the parking lot. The cold air felt good, hopefully it was settling her flush. She knew her eyes were swollen.

Jungkook sat on the curb under the street lamp like a delinquent, a box and a bag beside him.

“Oh hey,” he greeted and pushed up, like he’d been waiting for her.

“What are you still doing here!?” she demanded. “I told you I couldn’t make it! We got a flat tire–”

“Phone died,” he admitted with a crooked grin. “I thought you might not be going to make it but figured I’d wait a while, just in case– woooah, hey.”

She started to cry.

“I tried really hard to make it,” she sobbed, crumbling under the weight of the day. “We were at a house party like an hour away and Hobi took forever to leave and then there was traffic and we went the wrong way probably because I kept yelling at him and then we got a flat tire and–”

“Yeah but you still made it,” Jungkook said stupidly as he pulled her into a hug. Or maybe he hadn’t been doing that, and just reacted to her collapsing against him. She couldn’t tell. She didn’t care. His arms were around her and for a moment it really did feel like it was ok, or at least over, she could just vent about it now. The worst was passed.

She whined, “I didn’t make it. We didn’t get to play anything or eat mall pizza and I didn’t even get to see you finally buy your shit. Did you get it?”

“Ah, yeah, come look,” he said, dragging her over with his arm around her shoulder. “I got the Slushie maker! And I had enough to get all this little shit. Figured I’ll pull something out when I need to pretend I was just here,” he joked, opening the plastic bag so she could peer in. It was all foam dice, sparkly pens, plastic topics, finger puppets, and Tootsie Rolls. “They were generous with the ticket costs,” he laughed. “Here.” He pulled out a slap bracelet and smacked it down on her wrist. The sharp edges hurt the exposed skin.

“Ouch,” she said calmly and then laughed at his surprised look.

“It hurt?!”

“I think it slit my wrist. Now we know why they’re closing. Slap bracelet lawsuits.”

He laughed, then saw something over her shoulder and shoved the bag at her, “Here, wait. Hey!” He ran to the door and leaned against it and knocked. She could tell from afar that he’d just cranked his charm up to a hundred, she could recognize it just in his posture.

The lights from inside illuminated the cracked door, but she couldn’t see who was through it.

He came running back, motioning, “Ok, let’s go. We get one game.”

“What?”

“One game of air hockey.”

“What? They’ll let us play–”

“Yeah, one game.” He yanked up the box and her coat she’d let drop, leaving her only the bag of goodies and an expression of confusion as she turned to follow him in.

“Tylerrrr,” Jungkook grinned at their favorite tired employee as he let them in. “I owe you.”

“Yeah a hundred bucks.”

“Dude let us play our game first.”

“Thanks Tyler,” Alex beamed at him, wishing her smile was nearly powerful enough to convey her gratitude.

It was eerie being inside with most of the machines already turned off and the overhead lights on instead of the muted wall lights The prize wall was already stripped down after the last night of trades. The carpet looked dirtier than ever under the bright lights, and the lack of people definitely made it feel like a ghost town.

Jungkook led her right over to the air hockey table, which still had lights on.

“I don’t have my card,” Alex realized.

“I think I’ve got enough.”

He did. The sound of the air whirring to life made Alex’s stomach flip. She sniffled.

“I haven’t even wiped the dirt with you and you’re already in tears?” Jungkook taunted. Alex held her hand over the tiny prickles of air and laughed.

“You fucking wish.”

Alex had the puck to start with but Jungkook blocked her shot.

“You’re rusty.”

He tried to hit the puck but managed to somehow just slide his mallet across it. They both laughed.

“I think you have us confused,” she teased.

He hit it and it bounced to the side. She hit it back, but not full force. He bounced it back. The arhythmic clicks of the mallets and the tink of the puck hitting the walls worked a magic in Alex. She felt herself finally thawing from the long day. The noise, the feeling, the smell of this place was all so achingly familiar.

Jungkook’s empty-eyed concentration, the way his mouth hung open slightly as he tried to time his mallet right to intercept the puck, also achingly familiar. It distracted her long enough he managed to slide the puck into her goal with a poor defense from her.

“Really rusty.”

“Shut up, I’m just warming up.”

“Only one game!” Tyler shouted from somewhere out of sight.

“Shut up, Tyler!” Alex shouted back.

Jungkook laughed, “He’s so excited to never be bullied by you again.”

“I’ve never bullied him! Tyler is a national treasure!”

Jungkook squashed the puck against the wall and it went flipping through the air. They laughed about it like small delighted children.

The tear tracks evaporated as the taunting picked up. Never quite to what it once was, but enough that Alex felt the disappointment of the day slide away. They shouted as they sent the puck soaring again. Jungkook whined when she shot it straight into his goal because he’d bought the fake out and gone the wrong way. She relished in his tiny noise of frustration.

But Alex held back from prompting it again. She didn’t want the game to end so quickly. And when they came to the last tie-breaking goal way longer than it should have taken, she realized he had been too. They bounced the puck back and forth, the click of it taking on a more melancholy pace.

“Sorry I cried on you earlier,” she mumbled over the whir of the machine. “It was a long day.”

“Yeah, sounds like it. Everything ok in general?”

“Yep. Fine. I mean… I miss you, don’t take that the wrong way.”

“Yeah I know,” he snorted. “What’s not to miss?”

“What about you? Are you doing ok? Namjoon treating you well?”

He laughed with his nod, “Yeah. His place is pretty fucking sweet but he’s got a lot of rules.”

“So do my parents.”

“I’m going to start calling him Eomma Kim, I wonder how that will go–”

“Oh my god please don’t be homeless.”

“Ok I do have parents too, Alex,” he scoffed. “But I figured I shouldn’t move in with them right down the street when you were trying to get away from me.” He started really laughing, like he’d thought about it before but now it was suddenly the funniest thing he’d ever considered.

“What? No…. no,” she frowned. “Don’t say it like that!”

His laughter faded out with, “Ok.”

The puck had slowed down with neither of them exerting effort. It came to a stop in the middle of the table.

And then the air stopped.

“Tyler!” they both shouted, looking over where he’d stepped on the extension cord button.

“I gave you the game, you can’t stay here all night. I want to go home!”

“But it’s your last night! Won’t you miss this place?” Alex teased.

“Like a foot in my ass. Who won the last game?”

“It was a draw,” Jungkook said.

“But I would have won,” Alex added. “If I was trying.”

“Only if I let you win.”

“Uh, big talk for the dude who can’t score without my help.”

“I have scored plenty without your help.”

“Wait, what are we talking about?” she demanded, eyes narrowing. And for a moment she was transported backwards to a time where Jungkook scored all the time with every woman in sight and Alex laughed and teased because it sure beat crying about it. Eventually you got used to that kind of hurt, it turned out. Especially when you were funny and good at papering over your feelings with really funny jokes about your manwhore friend.

Except this time his eyes went wide as he cried, “I meant in air hockey!”

“Sure you did!”

“I did!”

“Take it outside, folks,” Tyler wearily sighed and gestured towards the door. It felt good to laugh their way out, bickering again whether Alex would have won or not. She was better at the game, but tired from a long day, and Jungkook suggested maybe he’d been hiding his true skills this time and Alex did not make the easy joke about “where were you hiding skills? With your alleged love?”

“Wait, let’s take a photo. I promise not to post it,” Jungkook said before they got very far away, lifting his phone. Alex agreed to it, stretching high while Jungkook crouched to be in the photo, the air hockey table and empty arcade behind them.

“Nice. Jungkook meets his Air Hockey Idol, that’s what that photo looks like.”

“You have no reason to let me win, you’re just masking,” Jungkook insisted as they walked.

“Uh, because I feel bad.”

“About breaking my heart?”

“About being late!” she screeched. “Jungkook! I did not!”

“Ok ok no, I know, it’s not your fault you were late,” he said, quickly changing the topic and she wondered if he regretted making that joke. It was very Jungkook to make a joke and then have to walk it back. He always took jokes too far. She did it too. Especially about things that were serious and scary. No wonder they never had a serious conversation about things until it was too late.

“It’s not,” she insisted. “It’s never my fault. I’ve never done anything wrong in my life.”

“I know. I know. Ok, here have another slap bracelet,” he said, digging one out of the bag and slapping it onto her other wrist.

“Ouch. That hurt again.”

“But you kinda liked it?”

“I didn’t kinda like it!” she insisted and tried half-heartedly to kick the back of his leg. Just like she used to.

Damn she missed this.

Maybe he thought it at the same time, because his expression shifted and they both got quiet for a moment.

“I’ll walk you to your car,” he offered.

“You don’t have to.”

“Yeah, I do.”

She didn’t argue again. He walked her to the car. She accepted a fistful of candy and tossed her things into the passenger’s seat and congratulated him on the Slushie machine.

“And thanks for messaging me about this. Sorry I missed most of it but I’m glad we got to say goodbye.”

“To the arcade,” he said quickly. “I didn’t go anywhere.”

“Ok well you literally moved out of our apartment–” she joked.

“After you did! And I live with Namjoon, you know where to find me.”

She nodded and pursed her lips, then said, “Yeah, I know.”

“Ok. Well. Night, Alex. Thanks for one last game. Let me know if you ever want a Slushie.”

He waved, like they were friends in passing. She waved back but made it awkward and he laughed. His car wasn’t far and she watched from her driver’s seat to make sure he made it safely before she remembered to start her own car.

She hated that he’d said that. One last game. It wasn’t the last game of anything they’d ever play. It couldn’t be! She wouldn’t let it be. So what if they couldn’t go back to the way it was before? Could this really be enough? Just running into each other every couple of months? Making excuses to keep apart until something major happened?

But it had to be enough. That was the way a normal friendship worked anyway, right? You just saw each other sometimes and it was cool. And she had to be careful about it. Strict. She couldn’t let herself get carried away and try to read too much into why her heart was racing and it took her a few minutes to compose herself to drive because for a brief second the ugly too-bright parking lot lights had felt romantic. Or why the whole rotten day had ceased to matter when she found him sitting there on the curb, still waiting for her. Or why she had never wanted the hockey game to end.

It was just missing a friend. She just missed her friend. She couldn’t go back to feeling more than that. She’d grown up and out of that. She could be normal about him again soon. This had been normal. Clearly he could be normal too.

She adjusted the slap bracelets on her wrists, kind of ok with the way they bit into her skin, and drove back to her parents’ house.

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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 2 years

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Do you have any tips to take care of slightly wavy hair (2a I think ?) please ? And resources too. There’s so many information about wavy / curly / kinky hair and the CGM and the likes, I have not idea where to begin.

Sure! Okay, I'm guessing from this phrasing that you've already read me talking about CGM and are interested, but not sure where to start? So I'll answer along those lines.

First of all, don't listen to YouTubers. Those people are lunatics. They'll be like "Here is a simple video showing you how to do a CGM wash! So first we cowash with a special cleansing product, then we cowash with a conditioner, then we use a detangling spray, then we use a hair mask for three minutes and seventeen seconds before rinsing with coconut water, then we condition with an organic conditioner, then we use a curl cream, then we use a curl custard, then we use a mousse, then we use a gel, then we use a shine spray, and then we add a leave in conditioner! Next up, here's a fifty minute video about the drying process! Love your natural curls uwu like and subscribe" MA'AM WHAT IS NATURAL ABOUT THOSE CURLS

But they can really end up confusing you. So steer clear until you have a handle on the basics! Unless you're looking up a specific technique and need to see it to understand - that's the one time YouTube is useful here.

What I did was I found a Facebook group that was about CGM in the UK specifically. I did it because until I wrapped my head around product ingredients, I wanted to get a list of UK products I could use. As luck would have it, the group I found is run by CGM trained hairdressers who are friends with Lorraine Massey (the CGM founder) and therefore know all the up to date advice and guidance. Their albums are full of both instructions and lists of CG friendly products, so that was mega useful.

I also got the CGM handbook for Christmas. For the most part, that was good - it was especially useful for my sister and cousin, because there's a chapter on how to do the method on kids, and both of them have since birthed curly haired children while having straight hair themselves and as such neither knew wtf to do until I photographed the pages and sent those along. BUT I will freely admit that her styling recommendations in that handbook for wavy hair are absolute dogshit. So there's that.

But ultimately, the biggest advice as you start is KEEP IT SIMPLE. Buy one (1) conditioner, and one (1) styling product (a mousse or a gel). Remember that the first step is transitioning your hair anyway, and that will take probably a week or two, and possibly up to six. Be patient. Don't expect perfect results overnight. Part of this stage is getting used to what natural curls look like - there will be a little bit of frizz, but pictures of curls in the media are always of frizz free tonged curls, not natural ones, so you need to get your eye in, so to speak.

If you're in the UK, I'd recommend you start with Sainsbury's own brand apple conditioner, or Alberto Balsam silicone free raspberry conditioner. Use it to both cowash and condition, because cowashing literally just means 'wash with a conditioner instead of shampoo'. At this time of year, the weather is getting hot and dry, so I'd recommend a glycerin-free styler like Shockwaves Tuff Stuff (the mysteries and mayhem of glycerin and dew points and curls are fascinating, but too complicated if you're new and trying to unknot your brain, so I shan't explain them here.)

Recommended procedure:

Cowash by rubbing that conditioner onto your roots for a few minutes, thoroughly. It doesn't need to be hard, but it does need to be thorough. Rinse it all out.

Put conditioner onto the lengths and ends of your hair. Gently detangle - you can use your fingers. I use a wide toothed comb. The important thing is to be gentle, and let the conditioner lubricate the process. This step takes the longest, btw - the rest is actually very straight forward.

The longer your hair is, the more I recommend you flip your hair upside down for the rest of this process, to help with volume; but you don't have to. HMU if you want an explanation of root clipping instead.

Put your hair back under the water and gently scrunch it from end to root as the conditioner washes out. Pools of water with conditioner should collect in your hands as you do - keep scrunching it back up into your hair until it runs clear. This is a technique called 'squish to condish', often written as 's2c'. It helps encourage the curl, and hydrate the hair shaft.

Squeeze the excess water out of your hair using the same motion.

Get your gel or mousse. You don't need too much, especially when starting out. Get a lil blob and rub it between your hands, until it coats your palms. Then gently scrunch that in, squeezing the water out as you go.

Use either a microfiber towel or a supersoft cotton t-shirt to further gently scrunch the excess water out. There's an appallingly named technique called 'plopping', which is where you wrap the hair up in the towel/t-shirt without disturbing the curls, and that's worth looking up; it's the equivalent of wrapping straight hair into a towel turban to take it from wet to damp.

Diffuse or air-dry! If you don't own a diffuser, look up how to use a colander or sieve, they work in a pinch. Also look up hammock diffusing, which I swear by for longer hair if that's what you have. DON'T FIDDLE WITH IT WHILE IT'S DRYING. Try to touch as little as possible. You will make more frizz the more you disturb it.

And that's it. It sounds more than it actually is in practice. My hair is super long, and the washing takes half an hour, most of which is detangling. Drying does take a while, but I personally find the trade off is more than worth it, because I only need to do it once a week now, rather than every other day like I used to.

And lastly, accept that your hair will never look the same from day to day, and that's part of the fun! Enjoy the process. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

(Also it will grow like a weed now so be prepared for that)

#hair #long post

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athena-xox · 1 month

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Hi! I've been wanting to send asks for a while but couldn't think of a good question until recently.

I have three questions (or perhaps I should say headers).

One: How's your rewrite progressing? At what stages is cannon altered? Are there going to be concepts/characters ignored entirely?

Two: I've seen your (humorous) plea for long/multi chapter eah fics what are some of the favorite's you've read already? Any chance you have an idea of your own outside the rewrite? long or short (chances are yes, for literally anyone in this fandom but it bears asking).

Three: What fairytale(s) would you

A: Like to repeat

B: Could functionally thwart if you had to live through it.

C: Die in, or flee the land to avoid at all cost's.

Omg love the questions. I will admit I’m a bit to brain dead to fully comprehend all the questions so if I answer I different question that what you intended feel free to correct me.

With that being said, the first chapter of my rewrite is done and basically fully edited I believe it’s around 6000/7000 words. Chapter two hadn’t been edited but it’s kinda a weird one so it doesn’t really need to be edited and it’s only around 2000 words.

Chapter 3 I’ve written a bit of it and it’s also a short and I have a layout for it. And chapter 4 is going to be on the longer side probably 6000-10000 words. But after those are done and edited hopefully I’ll publish the fic!!

So that’s the progress, for what parts of canon are being altered, I think a lot of characterization. Bunny, Alistair, Crystal, Milton Grimm, Snow White & EQ are all characters who were either portrayed as good or morally grey that I’m going to make evil (whoops spoilers) and then also kitty isn’t really going to have a redemption arc like she did in spring unsprung, she’s just going to continue to chaotically be herself.

And then just every plotline / character will just be slightly more mature and in depth. And it depends on how you see canon because the rewrite is going to be a mix the tv series + the books which vary a bit on canon. And then obviously a lot more queer representation.

I wouldn’t necessarily say that the epic winter arc is being disgraced but it’s going througu many changes. I’ll probably get ride of the whole through the woods concept because it doesn’t really add anything to the plot (although I am adding a musical that doesn’t really do anything for the plot except allow be to geek (theatre kid) out and give us some cute dizzie moments).

I really want to include her but I don’t think there’s going to be any room for Bella sister. Other things from canon that I’m not including is darise, Meeshell being a horrible singer, DARABELLA, Maddie having visions, the snow king, cupids crush on dexter, the revealer rays, probably lots more but I can’t think of them.

Onto the next question I definitely have some fic recs. I’ll probably make a separate post for it but my top 2 are rewrite ignite restart and a legacy of brambles and thorns.

I think the reason why I’m actually commuting to the rewrite is because it’s really the only eah fic I want to write since I plan to hopefully cover all the characters and ships I like. In my past fandoms I’ve had like 20 different fics I wanted to write but I never got a around to all or them.

Oh wait actually I guess I have one idea but I doubt I’ll ever write it since I want to focus on the rewrite. But during my transition stage from the mlb fandom to the eah I was thinking about an au. Either the eah characters with miraculous’s in the real world or mlb characters at ever after.

Okay and for the last questions im assuming you’re asking which fairytales I’d like to 1. Be a part of 2. Don’t want to be a part of and I could stop it 3. Would have to run away from ?

1. When I was little I had the yearbook thing that had you create your own eah character and I always wanted to be a princess so I made myself goose girl

2. Definitely wouldn’t want to be like Jack in the beanstalk so I just wouldn’t take the beans

3. Sleeping beauty was my fav when I was younger so I definitely wouldn’t want to have Faybelles destiny. Or be an ugly sister, that would kill my self esteem (no wonder Bella and Brutta ran away)

For the last 3 questions I wasn’t sure if you were asking all abt me or if any were for my rewrite.

Anyways tysm for the ask !!

#ever after high #eah #lizzie hearts #apple white #daring charming #raven queen #kitty cheshire #darling charming #Bella sister #eah ask #dizzie #eah rewrite #ever after high rewrite

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class1akids · 2 years

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Thank you for bringing up the hawks bashing. It's a pretty head banging thing bc aren't hawks and lov not so different? The point is that it's a tragic outcome of the hero society, despite the writing flaws. We can be sympathetic to the terrorists with sad backstories but not the hero with similarly sad backstory who in another world might have ended up like the lov?

I'm going to be the first to admit that I do not like how HK handled Hawks after the war. I felt like there was a set-up of a HPSC-focused mini-arc, where they would try to throw Hawks under the bus, and Hawks in turn would investigate them and that's how their dirty secrets would come to light.

I think it would have been a bit of a spiral arc for Hawks, and maybe then be pulled back by Deku somehow. Instead we got Nagant.

As someone who has been around when the manga chapters dropped on Hawks killing Twice, I remember there was a lot of controversy - but the fandom mood turned especially vicious when Hawks' backstory chapter dropped and it became clear that Twice's death will not be addressed. And then the anti sentiment got louder when it became clear that Hawks would support Endeavor.

Now, I think these plots were not handled well at all - the whole fall-out of the war was a big mess, and too rushed to really give us a good view of the state of mind of any character. But because Hawks was such a focal character of the PLF war and his motivations were so long kept ambiguous, I think that lack of introspection really hurt him.

I also feel like that Hawks thinking about how Twice was a "good guy" because he wanted to be useful for his friend, and his takeaway from that being that he, Takami Keigo with his shackles lost should also go back to his truest bond and support the discount bin toy that was sadly his most functional parental figure - I think it makes sense in a sad way.

Because the Endeavor plushie to Hawks represented that hope that even in the most horrible times heroes can make fantasy into reality, what more, even broken, tainted heroes can do it. So I feel like from Hawks' perspective, it makes sense that he wants to be "useful" to Endeavor, that he somehow wants to fix his broken toy and what it represented to him.

Twice was ready to kill for his friends - themselves flawed, broken people who have hurt others - because they gave him a sense of belonging. We can sympathize with them because we've seen their backstories and were presented to us as once-children, victims of the adults around them.

Hawks' support of Endeavor mimics this - he's also willing to put everything on the line for that bond and what it represents for him. But because we have less reason to sympathise with Endeavor, Hawks' actions are seen in a more negative light, I think.

Also, Hawks is the focal character of showing leadership in that transitional period between the end of the PLF war and the start of the final war - which puts him in the position of tons of plot exposition but very little self-reflection.

I'm still hoping that when Sad Girl Parade happens, it happens in Hawks' presence so both he as a character and we as readers can get some kind of a closure on the Hawks-Twice plot with a heartfelt moment of regret, as well as some kind of lesson from it.

For now, Hawks' plot feels a bit like his burnt-off wings - it's former glory is gone, but we didn't go into the territory of permanent loss - it's just kind of there, halfway, every once in a while there are moments that make us remember why we initially loved him as a character.

#c1a asks #hawks #takami keigo

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cursedvibes · 9 months

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I don't know if this is a bit weird but thank you for writing Kenjaku experiencing dysphoria as they got later in pregnancy and gave birth. Like I always headcanoned that Kenjaku's cursed technique gives them some type of protection against it since I always thought that realistically someone with body swapping abilities would likely experience dysphoria/dysmorphia. But then just seeing Kenjaku seem upset when mentioning their original body, describe their own theories and unsureness of how their gender identity/presentation was affected by their cursed technique and experiencing chest dysphoria, discomfort at nursing Yuuji even though they wanted to have him and were okay most of the pregnancy, and dress more masculine/andro after birth was so relieving? Like as someone who is trans and wants to have kids but has some chest dysphoria and is sincerely afraid of how pregnancy would affect me mentally especially after I started to show. I'm a little jealous of Kenjaku I will admit, Jin noticing Kenjaku's behavior changes and how they dress differently and just saying " Do I have a husband now, would you like to call you something else? I melted at that scene, I wish I had a Jin.

Thank you, I'm glad you felt comforted by it. I have to admit it was also a bit self-indulgent on my part, especially the way how Jin reacts to their identity changes. Literally, can't think of a scenario where Jin would push Kenjaku away because of their gender (there are lots of other good reasons) and I would definitely not want to write that. Up until recently, he was glad that he got an excuse to hold onto the name "Kaori" and was very torn about Kenjaku changing bodies, but I still wanted him to be open about everything else. I think if Kenjaku had just chosen to transition with Kaori's body, he probably would've taken it much better. I'm gonna incorporate more of that in the final chapter with his reaction to Kenjaku's new vessel, although I'm not sure how deep I want to explore that.

I hc Kenjaku as genderfluid, but regardless of that, I think it is very likely that their gender doesn't always line up with the body they inhabit. Three out of the four vessels we've seen so far were chosen out of necessity, they needed to inhabit them no matter how they feel about that person's sex. I wish we knew more about their identity and feelings about changing vessels in canon. We do know that they prefer some over others like with how they prefer to be called Kamo Noritoshi instead of Geto Suguru, despite having left that body behind 150 years ago. (You could say it's to take advantage of the Kamo Clan, but they also say that when that wouldn't matter anymore like the meeting with Noritoshi Jr. He knows who they are, there would be no need to clarify if names really didn't matter.)

I kinda wanted to explore all that here and how they might grow uncomfortable with a vessel over time. In this case the genderfluidity plays into it too as they shift from woman to something more in-between. For a long time I was also unsure if I should include Kenjaku's name at all because it was initially not clear to me if "Kenjaku" is just an old name of theirs - their original name - that Tengen uses, but that they don't identify with anymore like the body they were born with or if they still go by that name voluntarily. Thankfully, this fic took so long to write, that that got cleared up in the meantime.

#asks

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yikesitskennawrites · 2 years

Text

Transitions- Chapter Seventeen: Annoying Jake Lockley

Series Masterlist

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Pairings: Steven Grant x (platonic) Reader, Marc Spector x (platonic) Reader, Jake Lockley x (platonic) Reader, Layla El-Faouly x (platonic) Reader

---

“How was your weekend?” Lauren asks as you open your locker and put away your belongings before tying your apron around your waist. You groaned as you shut the small metal door and walked the couple of feet to where she was slicing cucumber.

“Too short.” You state. “I just napped all weekend and ate chicken and rice, while binge watching shitty rom-coms.” Really, you made your weekend not sound as terrible as it actually was. You did nap, but you didn’t sleep well. You tossed and turned on your couch well into the early morning hours after waking from a nightmare as you did every night for the past month. It was nice to try to relax but it didn’t work out so well. You did recover some by eating more than you have been, but you still felt tired; and you were sure that part of the reason was your worry for Marc and Steven.

You know that Jake would protect the body at all costs, but it’s still a body that Marc and Steven share. You began to get anxious whenever Jake was away for too long simply because you didn’t know if they would come back alive. It’s odd worrying for someone that you only knew for nearly three months. Back when you were fourteen and fifteen and you made friends, you didn’t worry this much or become this anxious for them. Perhaps the rooted fact that a cult and an Egyptian god are thrown into the mix is a major factor in how much you care. Also, you hate to think this, but you haven’t been close with anyone for a little over a year, so you understood why you were feeling nervous about the men's return. You were becoming soft for your neighbors.

“How was yours?” You ask while stifling a yawn.

“Kris and I went with the kids over to Canvey Island for the weekend.” She says as she reaches for another cucumber and puts into the slicer before turning the handle. You make an O shape with your mouth. Right, she took over your shift Friday.

“Oh shit.” You state with a wince. “I’m so sorry that Kris and you had to cancel date night.”

“It’s alright,” She waves away your apology. “It’s more memories for the kids and us to share. Besides, you can babysit next time if you’re up for it.” You lean against the sink and cross your arms over your chest.

“I never babysat anyone before.” You admit.

“Not even your siblings?”

“I don’t have any brothers or sisters. Didn’t even babysit the neighbors kids.”

“Well, I was just teasing you about it.” She says with a small smile on her face. You let out a relieved sigh. “I would be willing to help you learn how to take care of small children if you want to.”

“Really?” You say with an arched brow. You were a bit surprised that Lauren would let you trial run with her children. Well, it's under her supervision, so you guess you could understand her proposition. “I know the gist is to make sure that they stay alive.”

“That’s the most important part.” She agrees and laughs a bit. You smile and watch her pick up another cucumber and put it into the slicer before continuing turning the handle.

“So, how was Canvey Island?”

“It was good!” Lauren excitedly says. She briefly pauses in turning the handle and shooting you a grin. The sight of her eyes crinkling in the corners and the twinkles shining in her eyes made you force out a laugh from your tightening chest. She reminded you of your own mom whenever she used to get hyped about something or reminisce about her youth. Your own mother would get a similar expression on her face and tell you all about her past and excitement. You missed her.

Lauren doesn’t seem to notice your faltering smile as she says, “It was low-tide. So we were able to go out a bit and check out the tidepools. Molly loved seeing the starfish and barnacles while Jaime tried to catch fish in those small pools.” You look down at your shoes which looked like they barely had any scuff marks or dirt to signal the two years of use since you scrubbed them clean of blood the day after you were attacked.

Your hands gripped the edge of the sink as you asked, “Did you and Kris have fun?” You shifted your eyes to her and the sight of her eyebrows wiggling a suggestive look in her eyes made you snort and the tightness in your chest loosen a small fraction.

“Oh we sure did.” She grins. “The kids fell asleep in the hotel room and Kris and I went out to the hot-tub.” You stand up straight and begin to mess with the strings of your apron before you walk over to the time clock and punch in to begin your shift.

Lauren peaks around the shelf supplies of mayonnaise, mustard, and seasonings towards you as she asks, “Have you been to Canvey Island?” You shake your head as you adjust the nametag on your cap.

“Nah, but I do want to travel around England.” You say as you walk back to the sink and drain the remaining water.

“Just England?” She gives you a look. “You don’t want to visit anywhere else?”

“Traveling outside of the country doesn’t seem like it's in the cards for me now and I don’t want to get my hopes up.” You shrug. “I do want to do more with my life than just move from America over to the United Kingdom. But, uh, I just don’t know.” You can’t exactly tell her that you don’t want people squinting at your passport and other documents.

“Even with the holiday pay we get?” She pushes as she begins to take apart the slicer and put the metal components in the sink next to you. The loud banging of the metal against the sink causes you to wince from the noise. You nod.

“I kind of want to focus more on saving money and traveling around England.” You say. It wasn’t a lie, you did want to travel around the country. Lauren hums and begins to fill up the sink with warm water. “I have yet to see Big Ben and the London Eye, and I’ve been living here for over a year. I also hear that Manchester is a good place to visit.” She stares at you with an expression of disbelief. You shrug and turn your attention to filling up the sink.

“You lived here for over a year and you haven’t traveled around London?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you serious?”

“Deadass.”

“What?”

“I’m serious, Lauren.” You tell her. You run your hand underneath the running water to check if it's the right temperature before nodding to yourself. You turn back around and she gives you an incredulous look. “It’s not like I didn’t want to. I was just too busy.”

“You get two days off and paid holidays. I know that you’re a workaholic since you ask for shifts on your days off; but, love, it’s rubbish that you haven’t even seen Big Ben. Have you seen Buckingham Palace?”

“Only on television and social media.”

“Only on the telly?”

“Yeah,” You say. “It’s a building.”

“It’s the Queen's Palace.” She empathizes with the word and you shrug.

“Well, when you go to America would you want to see the White House?”

“No, it’s just a building.” She says. You shut off the water and watch a small frown tug at her lips. “I would want to see the Grand Canyon and Yellowstone, maybe try out some New York pizza.” You nod slowly and she bumps her shoulder into yours lightly as she places the cutting board into the new soapy water.

“I think you might know a few places to recommend.” She adds. You push yourself off of the sink and raise your arms above your head to stretch your back. You may be sixteen but sleeping on a couch for a year, excluding the few weeks you robbed your neighbors of their bed, hurts your back.

“I can tell you right off the bat that American life is better in the movies and shows than it is in real life.” You tell her and she nods in agreement.

“I know. I saw the Tiktoks of how the American government is handling the blip is like watching a dumpster fire.” Lauren sympathizes.

“The best sights to visit in New York are the subway system to see rats bigger than your size nine shoes.”

“Oh sod off.” She says and you laugh despite the honesty of it. “Are you joking?”

“I’m deadass.” You answer. “Y’know how bad the seagulls are here in London? The rats are worse.” You once saw someone eating some fries and a seagull swooped down and took them right from in between their fingers. You swore that they nearly lost their digits that day. The rats were worse in your opinion. They were all over the platforms in the subway station and you thought you saw one give birth in between some garbage cans in an alley. It was gross watching them scurry across the cement or in between the tracks as you waited for the subway. Lauren scrunches her nose.

“There is a good restaurant I recommend,” You say after a moment. “It’s not a pizza place but Shawarma Palace is really good.”

“Shawarma.” She says. You hum and grab a food service wiper from the box on the shelves with seasonings.

“Yeah, it became a popular joint after the battle of New York in 2012.” You turn around and begin to wash the dishes. Lauren hums.

“How was that?”

“Shawarma? It was good. It’s kind of like what we do here but just the wraps and they have their own dipping sauce.”

“No, the battle. Although, it does sound good.” She says and you nod in agreement. Man, you would enjoy it now. It became a tourist spot once the Avengers visited the restaurant and the owners posted the pictures of them eating online. But, you visited it a couple of times with your parents.

“Oh, the battle was terrifying. Loki was trying to take over New York and he was doing some weird mind control shit.” You shrug, “Aliens invaded the city and the Avengers took care of it.”

“Are you hearing yourself?” Lauren asks. You look up from the knife you were washing and towards her.

“I can hear myself just fine.”

“You sound mad.” She says while she saran wraps the cucumber container. “I just can’t believe you lived in New York.”

“I wouldn’t have if it was up to me.” You tell her. You return your attention back to the knife you were washing. You don’t know how true the statement was because if you didn’t live in New York you wouldn’t have met your best friend and you probably wouldn’t have the same interests as you do today. But, if you didn’t live in the state, there's the highest possibility that your parents could be alive. They wouldn’t have gotten hit by the car after they came back from the blip.

“The insurance was high but some of the housing was cheap.” You add.

“Did your home ever get destroyed in fights?”

“No, but some of the people I went to high-school with did.” The sound of a bell rigging made you look up at the monitor hanging from the ceiling that shows the lobby and see a customer waiting in line to order.

“I got it.” Lauren says as she picks up the container of cucumbers and begins to walk into the front. You busy yourself with washing the dishes so the pre-closer wouldn’t have a stack of them to work on after the lunch rush hits. You carefully scrub the slicer and spray it with the nozzle before dipping it into the sanitizer and hanging it on the shelf above the sink to dry. From where you were standing, you could hear Lauren asking the customer what they wanted and laughing at something they said. You dry your hands with a paper towel as you gaze at the monitor for a moment.

For as long as you knew Lauren she always managed to stay upbeat and positive. For a while you thought she was putting drugs into her morning tea since you knew a handful of people at your old high-school who did drugs and acted similarly. Lauren never seemed to have a terrible day, she always found the good in something. It took you a long time to come to the conclusion that it’s just the type of person she is.

You toss the paper towels into the garbage can before opening up the fridge door to do your daily task of counting the vegetables and meats to determine how much you have left until delivery day. The sight of a small plastic container filled with red sauce and something else caught your attention. It was decorated with green scribbles on the surface of the container, it was hard to figure out what it was but you could tell that it was a child's drawing.

Lauren passed the open fridge door and so you poked your head out and held up the container while asking, “What’s this?” She stops in her tracks and looks at you and the small box you held.

“I brought you leftovers from last night's lasagna.” She says with a small shrug. Your mouth parts a bit and you feel your chest tighten a little once more.

“You didn’t have to.”

“I know.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t tell-”

“The manager you kept in the fridge. She wouldn’t like it because of the cross-contamination. I know.” You share a smile with her before you gesture to the green markings. “So, what’s with the scribbles?” Lauren eyes it with a frown.

“Molly thought the containers were too boring so she decided to spice it up.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yeah. She took the liberty of decorating the containers. The one you’re holding right now is a spaceship.” She says. You hold it up a little higher so you could see the art piece. It was a lumpy oval with another circle inside of it. Lines were diagonally pointing down, you assumed that part was supposed to be beams of the ship. She adds, “The others have flowers and stars and princesses.” She pinches the bridge of her nose. “Jamie once thought it was a perfect idea to paint the wall with Molly’s finger paint. We’re renting the apartment.” Your mouth drops open as you put the container back onto the shelf and make a mental note to take it back to your place later.

“All it takes is less than thirty seconds with my eyes off of them and they’re up to no good.” Lauren says. Just from listening to her stories about her children you were glad you didn’t have any mini humans to take care of. You crouch down and begin your count of the tomatoes as you listen to your friend ramble about other things Molly did when she was younger. The longer you listen, the less you want children. You don’t know how your parents decided to try for a baby and raise you. Looking back on it, you were kind of a problem child. Your mother told you countless times how you painted your nursery walls with the paint they were going to use for the living room.

She told you how you snuck off to the bathroom and flushed your toys down the toilet and that it caused the apartment building to have pipe issues for days. Your father told you how he brought you to work one day because the babysitter couldn’t watch you and you scribbled on his boss's desk during an important meeting. You don’t remember any of the events that they said you did, but your parents always found it amusing to recount them to you.

“How many tomatoes do we have?” Lauren asks as you finish up your count and stand back up. You try to shake the numbness out of your legs from crouching for so long as you let out a yawn.

“Enough to last us until delivery day on Wednesday.”

“Good.” She replies and you both look up at the monitor as you hear another bell ring.

“I got it.” You tell her. You walk around her and into the front. You shoot a smile at the customer before washing your hands in the small sink on the back counter and drying them with the paper towels as you approach the first station to begin the task of making them a sandwich. The customer was a woman with brown hair and matching eyes. She stared at the menu directly above you as you tossed the towels into the trash can and pulled out the correct size gloves from underneath the first station.

“What can I get started for you?” You ask as you struggle to pull on the plastic gloves onto your wet hands. Your tone was a little friendlier than it would be if you weren’t talking to anyone who wasn’t a customer. The smile you had on your face falters as you lifted the cover and stared at the women. You recognize her, she was the same person from the bus stop last month, your eyes glanced down to her arm and sure enough she had the scale tattoo.

“I don’t know. What do you recommend?” She asks. Her eyes trailed away from the menu and to you. Your hands trembled as you tried to keep calm by placing them onto the white boards in front of you. Your throat tightened and you swore you felt droplets hit your arms and soak the front of your uniform. You felt the blood rush out of your face as you shared eye contact with the women. You knew that if anything would happen it would be on camera and Lauren would be a witness to the crime if she were to survive. She’s probably staring at the monitor right now as both of the women wait to hear your response.

“Number twelve.” You say, your voice cracking halfway through the sentence. “It’s bologna, pepperoni, and bacon with shredded mozzarella.” It was the worst sandwich in your opinion but she didn’t need to know that. She doesn’t look away from you to gaze back at the menu. You shift anxiously from foot to foot as you wait for her to say something.

“You look tired.” She says and tilts her head to the side a bit. Her baby hairs brush against her face. “Rough night?” Your hands grip one another harshly.

“Something like that.” You reply stiffly and she lets a small smile spread across her face.

“I would like a number seven.” She says after a moment. You pull out the deli paper from underneath the line and place it on the white board before turning around and grabbing a loaf of white bread from the cabinet. You reach for the pink handled knife from underneath the line and cut open the bread swiftly before returning it to its slot and reaching for the turkey and ham to place it onto the loaf. She says your name gently as if you were a wild animal. You look up at her with wide eyes. How the fuck did she know your name? Your heart skips a beat in your chest and you feel the room begin to sway.

You swallowed roughly as she says, “I would like cheddar cheese and for it to be toasted.” Your tongue darts out to wet your dry lips and you nod before shakily placing down the remaining amount of meat and reach for the shredded cheddar. You grab the toaster pan and pick up the deli paper with both hands and pop it into the toaster oven. She says your name quietly, you would have been surprised that you heard it since the blood pounding in your ears made it difficult to hear.

“I want cucumbers, tomatoes…” She lists off the vegetables, and usually you would be attentive and be able to memorize the customers order before the timer for the toaster oven would go off. But, with the swaying room and the feeling like you were drowning was a challenge that you were losing to. How the fuck did she know your name? Your trembling hands pulled the sandwich from the oven with the spatula and placed it on the whiteboards before reaching for the vegetables you thought she asked for.

“Can you-?” You clear your throat and try to give her an apologetic smile, but you were sure that it was a fearful grimace instead. “Can you repeat that, ma’am?” You carefully put on the vegetables as she listed them and the appropriate sauce she requested to top it off.

“I would like it to-go.” She says as you cut the sandwich in half. You nod as you struggle to not look like you weren’t failing at not showing your panic. It took you two times to wrap the sandwich and put in your passcode for the tablet to ring her out. It took you a little longer to give her the appropriate amount of change back. Her fingers brushes against yours as you drop the quarters and bills into her hand and you try not to show your cringe at the contact.

“Thank you.” She smiles and places the bills into her pockets before picking up her sandwich. “See you around.” She adds your name as she leaves the restaurant. Your legs shook and you clutched onto the counter as Lauren passed next to you with arms full of stainless steel banes with food to restock before the lunch rush hits. You close your eyes and try to feel like air was filling your lungs and you were above the water rather than below it.

“Are you okay?” Lauren asks. She sounded like she was at the other end of a tunnel. You open your eyes and stare at her, she looked like she was moving slightly from side to side but you knew she was standing still. You couldn’t let her send you home. You already lost a few hours last week for your paycheck.

“How did she know my name?” The question didn’t sound like it came from you despite the vibrations of your voice in your throat..

“Your nametag?” She says incredulously and points to the tag on your cap. “Are you okay? You’re really pale and- are you sweating?” You didn’t know, honestly you didn’t care enough about your well-being at the moment. You swallow dryly and shrug in her direction. The movement caused your tense shoulders to feel more heavy. Your mouth felt dry and stuffed full of cotton.

“Go sit down.” Lauren demands as the bell chimes once again. You nod and the movement itself causes the room to sway even more. It was a mistake to move your head and it was an even greater mistake to walk to the break-chair in the back. You held onto the walls as you struggled to get the room to stop spinning and swaying, but you failed to make it stop like you were on the tea-cup ride at Disney World Amusement Park. You did stumble into the shelves and sink, you hit your hips and arms into the metal surface. You knew bruises will be forming on your body tomorrow but you didn’t care enough about it, you just wanted the world to stop spinning. You reached the break-chair and slid into the seat before placing your elbows on the small table in front of you and supporting your head with your hands.

You knew that the cult members were aware of where you worked and lived and what bus route you took, but for some reason you didn’t think they would have the audacity to walk into the establishment of where you were employed. Perhaps you thought that because of the cameras and the constant flow of people around you, of course you were wrong. You breathe a shuddering breath as tears threaten to spill out of your eyes and drop down onto the table-top. You refused to let the tears fall instead you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, the air filling your lungs helped ground you as you counted to ten and slowly released it before repeating the process.

You only opened your eyes when you heard footsteps approaching you. Lauren looked upset and concerned, it wasn’t a good look for her. The thought made a snort leave you as you wiped your eyes away from any tears with the back of your hand.

“Eat some lasagna and take your lunch early. I don’t want to hear any ifs or buts.” Lauren glares at you as she stops next to the table you sat at. She placed a hand on her hip and gave you a stern, motherly look. “I’m serious, darling.” You didn’t want to go through the process of explaining to her that it wasn’t your lack of eating that caused you to panic but rather that women from a cult that attacked you and your friend who's your neighbor.

“Okay,” You say instead. She walks over to the fridge and grabs the container of the food and a plastic fork from the box of utensils on the shelf before setting both things in front of you.

“Eat. I want to see all of that gone by the time your lunch is over with. I’ll clock you out.” She says and points her two fingers at her eyes and back to you before she walks away to do what she promised and to finish up prepping for the day. You peeled open the plastic lid and set it onto the surface of the table before removing the plastic wrap from around the fork and stabbing the utensil into the pasta. You brought the noodle up to your mouth and chewed on it slowly. It tasted good but you bet that it would taste even better warmed up, but despite that you sat still and chewed on your cold meal.

You leaned back in your seat as you ate quietly, trying not to let yourself become overwhelmed with remembering what just happened a few minutes ago. A noise to your right caught your attention, it was loud and obnoxious. It was coming from one of the lockers. You stood up on wobbling legs and pulled open your locker door to see if it was coming from yours and sure enough your phone was vibrating with Marc's caller ID. You stared at it for a moment, wondering if you were somehow hallucinating this enough to imagine that Marc was calling your phone after a month of not being able to speak with him. Maybe you really were going insane and this was just your brain trying to comfort you. You picked up your phone as soon as the vibrations ended, you stared at your lock-screen of your parents until the screen went black and the phone began to vibrate in your hands. Your thumb hit the accept call button and you brought the device up to your ear.

“Hello?” You answer. You heard soft music in the background and the sound of cars honking at one another.

“It’s Jake,” He tells you. “Come outside.”

“I can’t just go outside.” You tell him, your voice was shaky. “I’m eating my lunch.” The excuse was weak, but you didn’t care, you just didn’t want to go outside and get ambushed by the cult again; and honestly, you didn’t know how brave you could be with facing Jake after what happened with the woman.

“Then why are you answering your phone?”

“Because I thought it was important.” You say with a roll of your eyes.

He pauses and awkward silence falls between you before he says, “When do you get off of work?” You glance at the time on your phone. You had about three hours left of your shift since the assistant of the morning opener always gets about five hours of work. You usually work eight hours since you needed money and your co-workers needed help; but, you decided that you were going to leave at the assigned time because of the creepy lady.

“I get off at two.” You answer. “Why?”

“You’re not riding the bus.”

“What?” You ask and stare in confusion at the wall in front of you. The soft call of your name made you turn your head. Lauren stood next to the freezer and the bread making counter with a look of concern. You hold up your finger to signal to give you a minute. The bell above the door rings and it momentarily distracts both of you before Lauren calls out a greeting to the customer and disappears to head into the front of the store. “What do you mean?”

“I’m waiting outside.” He says. You scrunch your brows and walk into the lobby while gazing out the front windows of the restaurant. All you saw was parked cars along the narrow street and people and traffic passing by.

“I don’t see you.” You say. You lean a little further towards the window to peek down the sidewalk for him to be leaning against the neighboring shops but you still didn’t see him. “Besides, you don’t have a car and I’m not walking to my apartment.”

You were lucky enough to not have to walk the hour and a half long stride to your building. You only goggled the maps to it because you were curious how long it would take for you if you missed the bus and didn’t have enough money to call a taxi or uber. You never missed the bus unless it was on one of your days off because you were more relaxed about taking your time; and even that was pretty rare.

“Si, and Marc and Steven didn’t know I existed until a while ago.” He replies. You shoot a reassuring smile at Lauren as you walk back into the employees only area.

“You really have a car?” You ask. He hums his answer, you can see him rolling his eyes in your mind. “And you’ve been letting Steven take the bus.”

“Well, he doesn’t have his permit.”

“Jake.”

“I’ll be waiting outside.” He says. The beeping coming from the phone made you pull away your device and stare at the black end call screen. Your reflection stared back until the phone Lauren rounds the corner and you glance up at the monitor when the bell rings just to see the customer leaving.

“Is everything okay?” She asks. You breathe out slowly and put your phone back into your locker.

“Everything is good.” You manage to lie. “Just my uncle telling me he was going to pick me up as a surprise so I don’t have to fight for a seat on the bus ride to the apartments.”

“Oh, that's nice of him.” She smiles. “You really need that after what just happened a while ago.”

“Yeah.” You return her smile. “Who’s the pre-closer today?”

“Emily, I think.” Lauren says before walking backwards to the corkboard and reading the schedule. “She gets here at two.” You sigh and nod slowly at Lauren before sitting back down and eating the remaining pasta. God, you just hoped the car Jake had wasn’t a creepy white van and he wasn’t going to kidnap you and kill you and dump your body into the Thames river. Your stomach churned and you breathed out another shuddering breath as you fought your body to hold down your food. It took several minutes just for your stomach to settle down before you were able to take another bite. Maybe you could spend your break with Jake if you feel brave enough to leave the building. That’s only if it slows down enough after the lunch-rush that you won’t feel too guilty about leaving Lauren and Emily alone.

By the time your lunch was over, you only had a small portion left which you didn’t feel too guilty about throwing it away since it was only a small bit. You clocked in and tightened the straps of your cap as the bell rings once more and you put on a smile and greeted the recent customer as cheerfully as you can.

You didn’t get to spend your fifteen minute break with Jake, although you did spend at least five minutes hiding in the bathroom just to be able to get a small amount of time to yourself. Your feet were aching by the end of your shift and you were ready to go to your flat and kick up your feet onto your sofa and relax. You shoot a text to Marc's phone stating that you were leaving the building and to watch for anyone who may try to kidnap you.

“Have a good night, Lauren and Emily.” You say over your shoulder and you pat your pockets for your key to your flat, the Eye of Horus paper, and your phone that was vibrating once again. You pick it up as you push open the door and look both ways down the street.

“Hello?”

“I’m in the white limo.” Jake says. You blink and turn your head to your right to find the exact vehicle he described parked a little further down the street. A limo. Jake Lockley owns a limo.

“At least it’s not a white van.” You say as you walk towards the car.

“¿Qué?”

“What?” You scrunch your brows. You don’t understand much Spanish.

“What did you just say?”

“Oh, you heard me.” You reply. Your eyes catch the license plate and you couldn’t help but breathe out a short laugh at the sight. Jake Lockley owns a limo and the plate had Marc's last name, you weren’t sure if Marc was aware of the purchase or not. Either way, you sure as hell was going to talk Jakes ear off about the purchase. You watch the passenger side window roll down and you hang up the phone and place it in your pocket. You stood a couple of feet away from the car as you bent down a bit to look into it. Jake Lockley sat behind the wheel with his flat cap and his frog-like expression resting on his face. You didn’t know what exactly gave you the impression that he looked like a frog but the more you squint at him you begin to think that it's his cheeks and glaring brown eyes.

“Get in.” He says. You pull open the door and slide onto the leather seat before shutting it behind you. The sound of the car being locked made you turn your head to see the small button pressed down and the window now rolled up completely.

“Why are you picking me up?” You ask as you buckle yourself in.

“The bus isn’t safe.”

“Did you run into that lady too?”

“Lady?”

“The one with the scale tattoo.” You say. “She came into my work.” He stares at you for a moment and you wait for his answer.

“Did she do anything?” He asks, his eyes quickly looking you up and down. If you blinked you probably would have missed it.

“No. Just ordered a turkey and ham sandwich.” You tell him and he nods once before turning the car into traffic while looking out the side mirror. You didn’t even hear the purr of the engine as he pressed down on the accelerator gently. “It was still creepy. She didn’t threaten me or tell me to watch my back or to praise Ammit. She just ordered a sandwich.”

“Her being there is the threat.” Jake states. You shift uncomfortably in your seat and his grip tightens on the steering-wheel. “They’re getting too comfortable being out in the open. They’re not even bothering to pretend that they aren’t trying to get to us. At least with Steven and Marc they pretended to be cops with a search warrant after Marc broke the toilets at the museum.”

“Why do you think that is?” You ask. “Why are they deciding to be comfortable now?”

“To get underneath our skin and because they don’t care anymore.” Jake says while staring ahead through the windshield.

“But why?”

“I don’t have all the answers.”

“Okay, but you’re gone all the time so surely you must know something.” You say while staring at him. He doesn’t reply and his silence becomes an answer for you. He does know something, he just doesn’t want to share with you. “Fine.” You huff out. “The less I know the better, right? Or whatever goddamn bullshit you tell me. But if your lack of answer sharing gets me killed. I’ll wring your neck as a ghost. I’ll haunt your ass, Lockley. You will never know a moment of peace once I’m dead.”

“It would be the same as now.” He says and rolls his eyes. “I don’t know a moment of peace with you.”

“Fuck you, Jake.” You hiss. “I’m fucking scared and you won’t tell me shit.”

“For your own safety.” He didn’t sound angry but rather frustrated at your pressure for him to tell you what he knows. You were frustrated because of how long you’ve been kept in the dark and continue to be even though you were nearly kidnapped and you had a guy's arm spray blood onto you and that you have to watch your back every time you go out in public.

“You look like a frog.” You tell him as you cross your arms and lean back in your seat.

“What?”

“You heard me. You look like a frog.” You say. “Ribbit.”

“You’re calling Steven and Marc a frog?”

“No just you.”

“We share the same body.” He deadpans.

“But you specifically look like a frog. Steven looks like a cinnamon roll and Marc looks like he has a stick up his ass half of the time.” You reply and he barks out a laugh. You didn’t want him to find your jabs humorous, you wanted to hurt him just because of how stressed and anxious his lack of sharing has made you. “You don’t even look like the kissable type of frog from Disney movies.”

“What type of frog do I look like then?” Jake asks. You could tell from his tone that he wasn’t hurt or angry at your jabs but deciding to play along.

“A toad.” You say. Honestly, he doesn’t look like a toad, you just said that in hopes of getting him to be upset about his looks. He laughs loudly, the noise hurts your ears in the small confined space the two of you were in. You frown at the noise and glare at him.

“You’re funny.” He admits and grins at you. The sight of his smile made the next insult in your brain disappear, you knew Jake for a month and your conversations were never this long and you never saw him smile. You let your anger and hurt slowly calm down into a simmer as you did a couple of breathing exercises. The sound of soft mariachi band music plays in the silence between you two.

“So, you have a limo.” You say once you felt calm enough to not take your fear and anger out on him.

“No shit.”

“Why a limo?”

“I’m a limo driver.” He answered and you were surprised that he told you.

You try not to show your surprise on your face as you ask, “For who?”

“Why do you ask so many questions?” He replies. You shrug.

“I’m bored and you’re the only person outside of work who I get to talk to.”

“What about Lauren?” He asks. “Didn’t you go over to her apartment last month?” Your mouth falls open and you turn your head towards him. You weren’t sure what expression you were showing but whatever it was, it didn’t seem to faze him.

“How do you know about Lauren?”

“I know every person who you work with and their history.” He admits and you blink once. “Part of the job of keeping tabs for your safety and Marcs and Stevens.”

“What?”

“Did you suddenly go deaf or something?”

“No,” You shake your head. “I just- you looked up my friends and co-workers history just to keep me safe, but you won’t tell me what you know to keep me safe.”

“If I found something threatening to your life, I would have taken care of it by now.” Jake says. You didn’t need to guess that ‘by take care of’ means killed. You swallow. At least that means any criminal history your co-workers may have wouldn’t be detrimental to you.

“But the cult obviously wants something. They’re stalking and they feel comfortable enough to go into my work place to order food after, you know, you killed six of their members. So, why aren’t they taken care of?” You state at him and watch the subtle tightening of his grip on the steering-wheel. He’s not going to tell you the answer because he claims that it would keep you safe. The less you know the safer you are and whatever bullshit he says. You run your tongue over your teeth as you think about how he’s Khonshus avatar, a god's avatar, and he disappears for days to weeks without telling you where he’s going and yet the cult is still active and wanting something. Maybe there's a reason Jake hasn’t destroyed Harrow's followers.

“You’re doing this for Marc and Steven. The whole… making sure I stay alive.” You wave around with your hand. “Because you want to keep them safe.”

“You got it.” He says. You nod slowly and knit your hands together in your lap. You didn’t know what to say anymore. You were tired of how much you had to fight him for answers. You leaned your head against the window and watched the scenery go by.

“A client of mine pays me to chauffeur them to parties and the airport and their home.” Jake says. The answer surprised you, you lifted your head from the window and turned towards him he didn't add onto it, which you didn’t expect him to, instead he says, “I’m going to be gone for a while.” You give him a look. “Longer than I have been before.”

“You’re going to be gone for more than a week.” You state. “And you’re not going to tell me where you’re going.”

“I think you already know why.” He replies. You huff out a breath before he adds, “I have a friend who is going to stay with you until then.”

“In my apartment?”

“No. You’re staying in the dumbasses flat.”

“Who’s?” You furrowed your brows at him in confusion.

“Stevens and Marcs.”

“I don’t understand.” You shake your head and turn your body towards him. You slightly lean against the car door and pull the seat belt away from your throat. “You’re going to be gone for a while and you have a friend who’s staying with me?”

He ignores your question by saying, “Here.” He digs into his pants pockets before he hands you a silver key with an orange lanyard attached to it. “The spare key to the apartment. Don’t lose it.” You grasp the thin lanyard in your hands, the thread of it was soft and a little warm from his body heat. The apartment complex you both live in doesn’t give extra keys to the tenants when you sign up as a safety precaution, but they do make spares if you were to ask. So that means Jake had to either go to the hardware store to make a spare key or request a spare key for you.

“Attach your apartment key to it so you don’t lose that too.” Jake adds. “It’s a miracle you haven’t lost that one yet.” You don’t bother to tell him the time that you searched your apartment for hours looking for that key only to find it underneath the couch. After that you decided to make the counter next to your door the spot you place it whenever you walk into your apartment. You bite your cheek as you turn your face to look out the window at the passing scenery. It was scary having Jake pick you up from work and suddenly drop the news that he’s going to be gone longer than a few days and that a friend of his is staying with you in Marcs’ and Stevens flat rather than your own.

That friend better not be Khonshu. Whatever has shaken Jake up enough to wait for a few hours outside of your work place just so you wouldn’t be alone on the bus was bad. This whole situation was horrible but it was terrifying in itself for a god's avatar to be taking these measures.

“Jake.” You say, your tone being pleading and firm. He glances away from the road and to you. “It’s bad isn’t it?”

“That’s for me to worry about.” He answers. His hands gripping the steering wheel a little more tighter. “You’re just a kid.” Any hope that you may have allowed yourself to have, wilted with that statement. Of course you shouldn’t have hoped that Jake-the-secretist would tell you shit.

You decided to ignore that last statement by asking, “Who’s the friend?”

“You met her before.” He says. You rack your brain for someone who you met that may have connections to Jake. The only woman you could think of was Marc's ex-wife who you only met once when Marc and Steven suddenly disappeared off of the planet.

“Layla?”

“Bingo.” Jake states. You look out the windshield to see the familiar street with your apartment building.

“Does she know where you’re going?” You ask. He glances away from the road and towards you with a raised brow. “I’m gonna guess you’re keeping her in the dark as much as I am.”

“Why even bother to ask then?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug, a small smile spreading across your face. You hoped the sight would annoy him. “Just to irritate you, I suppose.”

---

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