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giac222 · 30 days

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I’m an Ashley Graves lover and defender till the end 🤞🏻🩷.

This is going to be a deep dive and a pretty long post, just a heads up! There’s a point in the beginning where I briefly discuss something else regarding TCOAAL because I felt that it ties in, but this post will mostly be focusing on Ashley + her experiences, and a little about how Andrew isn’t actually a doormat, not even close. 😶

Let’s get into it:

I adore her and I have the biggest soft spot for her, my empathy for her is through the damn roof. She’s a product of her environment, she wasn’t born the way she is (Andrew wasn’t either). It’s frustrating to see people claim she was born evil. I’d go as far to argue that she isn’t completely evil either. Her soul is the color of pitch black according to the demon in the game. But why is that? What caused it? The reason for this is because of how she’s been treated by everyone else around her throughout her whole life. It’s not like she asked or wanted to become a “tar soul”. Her environment made her sour, it made her hate people.. including herself.

After Ashley sacrifices the warden to the demon, when she’s thinking to herself, a text box comes up that says “You decide not to linger on the fact that your soul is apparently a vicious, pitch-black mess.” and after that we see another one that says “Guess you already knew that”.

I was thinking to myself, why the hell am I so attached to this character? Lmao. Why do I have such a huge soft spot for her? Then when I was thinking about it I realized it’s because I relate to some of what she’s been through. Especially her terribly low self-esteem that causes her to feel unlovable, ooo that hit home for me. For quite some time I dealt with that, and let me tell you, it truly is an awful feeling. It can make you very mean and bitter. It quite literally eats away at you. I’m 22 now and I’m able to reflect on those past experiences, that’s when I realized how bad it really was. When it comes to someone having poor self-esteem and not much self worth, it stems from somewhere. People don’t just randomly start hating themselves, there’s something that causes it to happen. It could be from a variety of things such as trauma, childhood experiences, comparison to others, and discrimination.

It truly sucks to see how many people online that seem to hate her (not on Tumblr, but almost everywhere else). Her backstory breaks my heart, it’s tragic, and it seems that people completely ignore what she’s gone through and what she STILL goes through.

I also hate that the game has kind of, in a way, become a meme due to the controversy. This game delves into very serious and depressing topics, so for losers online with 0 media literacy to water it down to “the incest game” is sooo agitating. This is just a personal opinion of mine, but I also feel as though the controversy made people play the game for the wrong reasons. Including a lot of “edgy” teenagers 😬. I don’t think I need to elaborate on that, I’ve touched on it before in a different post. I mean the amount of loud and wrong takes I’ve seen about the game… All I can do is shake my head 💀.

So, I’ll share my (maybe?) controversial opinion that some of the “fanbase” is part of the problem too, not just the people who hate the game that don’t even know what’s going on. I’ve talked about this before so I’ll keep it brief, but I feel it fits in the post so I’m including it. But on the game’s subreddit there are people who will reduce the game itself to fap material, and it doesn’t make sense to me because there’s quite literally nothing overly sexual or explicit in the game?? Even in the questionable route vision we don’t see anything explicit, we just know what happens. I’m like have y’all forgotten that this is a PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR game?? How some of these people managed to reduce Nemlei’s work that she clearly put a lot of thought and effort into that covers dark topics and serious issues to fap material is beyond me…. What a way… just what a way. Let’s hope they get weeded out of the fandom before ch. 3 drops 🙏🏻.

Just to clarify so no one gets confused, I’m NOT referring to people who create NSFW art/posts of the game, like duh you guys know I love Ashley and Andrew 🤭🤭. I know what I’m about! 😂. Seriously though, I’m referring to people in the Reddit community who will quite literally just take people’s NSFW art (any fan art in general really) and upload it there without the artist’s consent (edit: I think if they give credit it’s not a big deal, and some artists may not care regardless. Some probably care, some don’t). It just seems like the NSFW stuff is the only thing a lot of them care about, and the shit they say is so unhinged at times I’m like???? Seek help. (Obviously it isn’t all of the members, but it’s definitely a lot speaking from my personal experience there before I left). In a way, I can’t blame outsiders for side eyeing the fanbase if that’s their first impression.

Between the amount of haters TCOAAL has and some of the questionable “fans”…. Yeah, we’re in the trenches 😂. That’s part of the reason why I left the server and now only participate in the Tumblr community. Not even trying to gate-keep or sound like an asshole, but a lot of the Reddit community doesn’t fit the game. I said what I said! As I’ve said before in a previous post, most of the trash takes I’ve seen on the game stem from there, and YouTube too. 😬

TCOAAL is a game that requires you to think and dig deeper, that’s why I love it. It touches on very heavy topics. Tbh it’s not something you can simply take at face value, that just defeats the purpose.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about Ashley! 🩷✨

When you pay attention to all the details and look deeper into Ashley’s character, you see that Ashley has quite literally been treated like shit her entire life by EVERYONE around her except for Andrew. That’s why it’s so easy for her to treat people as disposable, because that’s how SHE was treated her entire life 💔.

This scene specifically proves that:

Andrew really is everything to her. That boy is her sun, her moon, and all of her stars. 🥲💚. We see that he’s her main, and basically only source of happiness. He’s the only thing/person she cares about. I find it genuinely heartbreaking that he has been the only person Ashley could depend on throughout her life. Due to this, it makes sense as to why Ashley goes to such extreme measures to keep him around. if she lost him, she’d have no one else. So of course she’s scared that he’ll leave her. Even though we know he’ll stick by her side no matter what, Ashley does not. She’s quite literally the love of his life but she doesn’t know that. 😩

Then again, Andrew doesn’t show it, so of course she doesn’t get it. He’s never said I love you back to her, the closest we get to that is when he says “I like you… but you’re so exhausting” after their huge fight. If you look closely at his face in that scene, you’ll see gray blush lines on his cheek. Ashley has been abandoned by everyone except for Andrew, she needs validation and reassurance from him to know that he’s there to stay. He doesn’t really give that to her though, but he needs to STAT! As I said, we know he’s in it for the long haul, but Ashley does not.

You see, Ashley operates under the idea that Andrew doesn’t actually care about her. She believes that he couldn’t love her of his own will and that she has to manipulate in order for him to stay. I hold the opinion that she doesn’t do those things because she necessarily wants to, she does it because she feels like she has to in order to keep him around. She manipulates, but she isn’t very good at it 🫣.

Thinking about their huge fight in apartment 302 after Andrew killed that lady (she definitely did not attack him first, but we’ll get into that in a minute). When Andrew’s choking Ashley she brings up the fact that she’s the only one who can make his nightmares go away, but guess what we see in ch. 2? Before going to snoop on the cultist, if you go back to their motel room and you interact with the bed. A text box pops up that says “oh yeah, you tooootally have nightmares as often as you claim.”.. So, we now know that Andrew doesn’t actually have that many nightmares, he uses it as an excuse because he wants to sleep next to Ashley and be close to her.

Back to the apartment 302 incident, when Ashley goes back to that apartment after completing the ritual, she sees that Andrew killed the lady that lived there, he claims she attempted to attack him with the nail gun, but the nail gun was in the same damn spot! People should’ve started side eyeing him at that point in the game. I know I did LOL, “doormat extraordinaire” my ass 😂. Btw, there are people who genuinely believe he tried to sleep with the lady in 302, but she wouldn’t do it so he killed her….. 🤦🏻‍♀️. I wish I was joking.

Anyway, in Andrew’s dream when we go over the justified deaths, with the lady in 302, the first reason he mentions is “Ashley would have wanted to kill this one anyway” then he brings up no witnesses. To me, the fact that the first reason he mentions is Ashley wanting to kill her anyway showed that he killed her for Ashley more than anything. I mean, It did make Ashley happy that she died. He didn’t say anything about getting attacked, although it was obvious that was a lie already lmao. I believe that’s why he got so frustrated, which led to him getting pissed off after Ashley started accusing him of trying to sleep with that woman. Especially because once she started, it escalated quickly and she just kept going.. He was like “girl??? I literally killed this woman for YOU.” I could be wrong, but that was my interpretation on the situation.

Another interesting thing I thought about was how during their argument, Andrew tells Ashley to butt out of his love life, and that she always makes up some bullshit crisis for him to leave/stay when he’s out or about to leave to go meet up with someone. But in the flashback with Julia during his dream, while she’s raising genuine concern and mentions that it could be good for Ashley to learn some independence for her own sake. Also for Andrew to stop cutting things short on her, for the sake of their relationship, and so they can spend more time together. Andrew responds to that with “If your sister needed something, wouldn’t you go?” 👀. Andrew likes Ashley being dependent on him, he doesn’t want her to become independent. During their heated argument he admits to knowing her so called crisis she has before he leaves is “bullshit”. Yet he still chooses to leave to be with her anyway. Because again, Ashley’s the love of his life, people can deny it all they want but the proof is right there lmao. Not to mention he looked so sad hugging Julia until he asked her to tie her hair up… I see right through you Andrew 😂.

Also, him bringing up Nina’s death (Julia’s best friend) and lying to Julia’s face about it like he had no part in it, that was actually scary not going to lie 🫢. Plus him lying about Nina’s death affecting Ashley…like you know damn well. After their huge fight, Ashley said she was glad that Nina choked, which Andrew responded with “I know you are”.

That’s the thing about Andrew, he’s very good at lying and we see multiple examples of this in the game. When they were at their parents house Ashley decided to stay quiet because she couldn’t keep up with Andrew’s lies. In a different post of mine I talked about how “Andy” was a facade, but Ashley doesn’t understand that yet. She thinks he’s changing for the worst, but in reality he’s always been that way. His true colors are just now finally coming out.

Andrew and Ashley both had a shitty upbringing. I mean Mrs.Graves made Andrew take care of Ashley when he was a child, and I remember in a flashback he asked Ashley if she wanted to go with him because their mom gave him money for groceries, like ma’am why are you making your child go out to buy groceries??? Also, at the end of the day, she sold them both to organ harvesters. However, Andrew was treated somewhat better than Ashley during their childhood. We see this through the plushies in the puzzle before the questionable route vision, if you set Ashley’s plushie down at the table she immediately falls off. At their parents new home during dinner, Ashley sat on a mini ladder while everyone else had a chair, and simply the fact that Mrs.Graves gave Andrew their new house address, but didn’t give it to Ashley. They always shut Ashley out, they never cared about her nor did they try.

Now, let’s talk about one of, in my opinion, the saddest parts of the game. The flashback of Leyley’s birthday 🥲.

We see that neither her parents nor her friends cared about her birthday, they didn’t even try. She looked so sad talking about her friends here 😭. The fact that she brought up how her friends are always busy when she asks them for something shows that this is a recurring thing, her friends suck. I am in tearsss. I’m sick rn, she deserves everything and more. Andrew attempted to make her birthday special for her at least 🥺.

Also, I know Julia seems sweet from what we’ve seen, but I’m suspicious of her tbh 👀. We know Ashley hung out around her and Nina. I remember seeing one of the screenshots from a progress report where Andrew asks them if they could invite Ashley to sit with them sometime at lunch, so I’m assuming that’s how their “friendship” started.

Nina had a crush on Andrew, and Julia ended up dating him later on. I think it’s possible they only hung out with her just to get closer to Andrew. Julia wasn’t a very good friend to Ashley it seems, so it makes sense that she wouldn’t be thrilled about them dating. Especially because Andrew is the most important, well, really the only important person to her.

Something else to think about when it comes to people in Ashley’s life outside of Andrew: After Andrew killed the warden to protect Ashley and before they left their neighbors apartment, Ashley tells Andrew “I don’t give a rat’s ass about mom or dad. Or any of my so-called friends anymore.” and “Not one of them felt it necessary to answer my calls…”. When she says this she looks very upset. So, even in present time, Ashley still gets treated like shit by everyone around her except for Andrew, this has been an ongoing thing since her childhood.

Next up is this scene with Mrs.Graves while setting up the ritual:

This was after Ashley says “Lookie ma! I drew a circle!”. Mrs.Graves immediately starts putting her down. Ashley’s response to what her mom said shows me that this is something that commonly happened. I’m sure there were many times in Ashley’s life where she’d attempt to impress her mom and receive praise, but would immediately get shut down by her instead. The more I think about how terribly Ashley was really treated, the more sad I get about it, what the fuck 😭.

Ok, last thing to dissect. I wanted to talk about this comment from a YouTube video that came up under the “all” section on there. Beware, it might make you lose braincells. 💀

“Ashley is heavily sexualized” let me stop you right there ✋🏻 lmao. No she is not. At least to me she isn’t, I never got the impression that the game sexualized her. A lot of male players sexualize her (because of course they do 🙄), but the game? I disagree. You could say Ashley views herself as a sex object, but that doesn’t mean she’s sexualized by the game. She views herself that way because of her low self-esteem and the fact that she doesn’t believe someone could genuinely love her. Not to mention her internalized misogyny. Source? I’m speaking from experience. Having terribly low self-esteem really does drive you to dark places. It can lead to you basing your self-worth on people finding you sexually attractive or just attractive in general, like your self worth is based on your looks alone. That’s how you get validation even if it’s from a not so good place. It wears off pretty fast though, and it leaves a poor after taste. It’s only a temporary “good” feeling. If you don’t like yourself, no amount of attention will be ever good enough for you or truly make you feel better.

“Goth-esque fetish ware”, first of all it’s “wear”, and the “fetish wear” in question is just shorts, a black shirt, and a choker 💀. I cannot lmfao. Does that mean Andrew has “goth-esque fetish wear” too? Bc him and Ashley literally dress the same 😂. Not that this matters, but Ashley and Andrew are more emo to me lmao.

“She’s definitely a manipulative psychopath”… opinion immediately discarded because of this part of the comment alone.

“Her heavily sexualized existence”…. Don’t piss me off 🙄 like??? I can’t believe they said that. People with a brain larger than the size of an atom know that Ashley’s entire existence isn’t sexualized, I’d argue that it’s quite literally the opposite. It’s almost like they want Ashley to be this seductive sex kitten, but she just isn’t that. They project that onto her. I feel like some people think that Ashley simply existing with a bigger bust means she’s automatically sexualized, some men feel this way about women with bigger busts in real life too, so them doing it to a fictional character doesn’t shock me. Worms for brains I swear.

The comment Ashley makes about her “big fat tits” in the motel room during her mini argument with Andrew was literally so unserious. There’s the scene where Andrew was lying on the couch in their parents house when Ashley wakes him up out of his dream, and we see him looking at her boobs from his POV. However, that was literally so mild, you hardly even saw anything lmfao. I feel like Nemlei added that in to show that Andrew’s sexually attracted to her, plus it was a little before the scene where Ashley playfully bites him, and (in my opinion) where they almost fully crossed the line (because of Andrew mind you) before their mom came in. We all saw that pillow placement 😂. There are other signs of him being attracted to her before that as well, like when we see him push the thought of hugging her to the back of his mind “where it may fester with all the thoughts he wish he never had” + that scene in the kitchen where he was sort of touching her butt and had his fingers through her belt loop, but when their mom came in he jerked away and looked as if he got caught.

People will claim that Ashley is the only one that’s incestuous and that she “forced” it onto Andrew, but in ch. 2, we see that Andrew is arguably more incestuous than she is. Ashley loves Andrew to death, but she isn’t exactly horny for him the same way he’s horny for her. Think about their reactions to the questionable route vision. Ashley was pretty chill about it, while Andrew was beat red and embarrassed because his repressed inner thoughts just got exposed. The demon clocked his tea 😂.

I’ve spoken about this before so I’ll keep it brief, when it comes to sex Ashley doesn’t care much about it and views it as transactional, as something she can use for personal gain. As I kind of said already, to me, her viewing herself as a sex object and having that view on sex in general ties into the fact that she has internalized misogyny and her personal belief that she’s unlovable. So, not only does she view herself as a sex object, but you could say that she also views other women as sex objects too.

This is my personal opinion which I’ve shared before, but when her and Andrew fully cross the line (because they’re definitely going to) and he finally shows her that he loves her as well, I think her views on sex may change a bit. That she’ll start seeing it as something out of love that they can both enjoy. As something they can experience together, instead of her ignoring her own desires and being his personal sex object to use to attempt to keep him around.

Do I think that Ashley isn’t horny for him at all? Tbh no. I mean she literally says she assumed it would happen between them eventually anyway, so she’s definitely thought about it before. However, it’s nowhere near Andrew’s level lmao. We know Ashley is a virgin and honestly, I think Andrew is the only one she’d happily lose it to. If she were to sleep with anyone else, I doubt she’d enjoy it and would only use it as personal gain for something. As of right now, she views sex as a way of keeping Andrew around, however, I feel this is because of the fact that she doesn’t actually think he loves her and will stay with her on his own. She loves Andrew and wants to be with him, she wants him to reciprocate her love. As I like to say, Andrew’s her boo 😂, that girl doesn’t want anyone else.

Alright, let’s finish dissecting that goofy YouTube comment.

“practically puts the usually male players protective instincts into overdrive.” I don’t know wtf this means lmao, but it made me cringe. Some men need to be banned from speaking on Ashley until we figure out what’s going on 😂. Bc every time they speak on her I lose braincells. “Protective instincts” yet they quite literally don’t understand anything about her character or her struggles 💀. Maybe sit this one out lmao.

Not to sound like a broken record, but a big part of Ashley’s character is that she has very low self-worth and that she doesn’t believe people, more specifically Andrew, could actually love her (💔). I mean think about how she’s been treated for her whole life, it makes sense as to why she developed those feelings about herself and others. Her mindset is “well people never cared about me, so why would I care about them?”. Having people regularly treat you like shit takes a toll on your self-esteem and impacts your world view. Especially if it happens in your childhood.

Ashley quite literally loves Andrew more than she loves herself. I want better for her :’( and she deserves better too. I don’t care about the Ashley haters opinions. There are people who believe that she’s faking her low self-esteem in order to manipulate Andrew….. 🤦🏻‍♀️. Have you even paid attention to anything in the game?? That’s one of the biggest things about her character like hello?

I should have added this in earlier oops, but I’m adding it in now. After her and Andrew first talk to the lady in 302 and they leave her apartment, Ashley asks why the lady got special treatment but they didn’t, and why she didn’t get any food. Andrew responds with “maybe you just aren’t pretty enough”, he wasn’t being serious, but she took it that way. It didn’t help that he said “I mean… wasn’t she?” After Ashley asked if he thought she was pretty. That’s why Ashley wanted to shoot her after the ritual. You can see Ashley looks upset when she asks “do you really think I’m not pretty enough?”. Then gets angry and says “So ugly am I, that I shouldn’t even be fed?”. This is her insecurity and low self-esteem kicking in on full display.

This is a similar situation to what happened when her and Andrew were looking for something to lock Nina in the crate with at the warehouse. She asked him what he thought about Nina and if he found her pretty. He said “she’s fine… I guess”, which made Ashley unhappy. Even though Andrew wasn’t into her, like at all. Ashley has been dealing with insecurity and low self-esteem ever since she was a little girl 😭. I’m so upset for her like you guys have no idea.

After Ashley traps Nina in the crate, there’s a point where she’s crying and says “It’s not fair!! Why does everyone like her better??” “I’m loud and weird and annoying and no one likes me at all!!!”. 😭. My heart is breaking as we speak. It’s hard for me to believe she said all of that just to manipulate Andrew in that scene. I know in ch. 3 we will be delving more into their childhood, and I have a theory that Ashley was also bullied in school. I mean to refer to herself as loud, weird, annoying, and to say that no one likes her at all. That absolutely came from somewhere, and I don’t think it was just from Mrs.Graves.

So, to see people with the emotional depth of a raindrop get online and say that she’s solely the problem, that Andrew needs to get rid of her, and that she’s simply just evil… is, to put it lightly, very annoying. I’m gonna say something, you know I love both Ashley and Andrew, but we need to be honest! People give Andrew too much of a pass. I mean they literally excuse all of the terrible things he’s done and blame Ashley for “making” him do it. They give him a pass for everything, but have 0 empathy for Ashley despite everything going wrong in her life since she was born. They completely ignore that she’s a product of her environment. When it comes down to it, what good experiences in life has she really had?

Also, Andrew is more violent than Ashley is. I think that’s self explanatory. People seem to forget that she quite literally just wants to live a peaceful life with Andrew. During the “quarantine” while they were still in their old apartment, she says “Aside from the starving, it’s not so bad here.” and “Aside from starving, I like it here”. Ashley doesn’t want to live a life of violence and chaos, and we see this in the room before unlocking the door that leads us to the two burial route choices. If you place the knife down (violence) nothing happens, but when you place the flower down (love) - (my bad guys originally I put heart instead of flower, I changed it!) - the door becomes unlocked. She also gets upset when Andrew tells her that they can’t live at their parents new house, she literally doesn’t want to be on the run and just wants stability.

On Pinterest, I see girls talk about how much they hate Ashley in the comment sections. They literally just do this because they think Andrew’s hot 😂. Especially when they call her a bitch, like grow up 🙄. I’ve also seen people refer to her as a “pick me”?? Literally how? Immature teens need to be banned from playing this game LOL. It’s giving those male celebrity fandoms that dig to find anything “problematic” on a girl said male celebrity is dating just because they’re pissed it isn’t them, they don’t actually care if she’s problematic or not.

It’s literally just misogyny, they do this a lot to women in media. Breaking Bad is the biggest example of this, the people that act like Skyler White is worse than Walter are delusional as hell. Sorry, but If you’re misogynistic, lack empathy and/or emotional depth, TCOAAL isn’t for you 🤷🏻‍♀️. Period. That’s why the game deserves a better fanbase than the one it has outside of Tumblr. It deserves better in general.

They don’t care to look into why Ashley is the way she is. If it wasn’t obvious already, Andrew brings out Ashley’s worst behavior and blames her for making him do bad things. In his mind he can’t be guilty, so he needs something on the outside to blame (Ashley). Mrs.Graves contributes to this btw, during the setup of the ritual before they sacrificed her and Mr.Graves she was pretty much saying “I know you don’t want to do this, I know she’s making you do it!” 🤦🏻‍♀️. She sounds like one of those boy moms that go “my son didn’t do shit!” 😂.

The worst are the people who reduce Ashley to fap material and a “hot crazy girl they can fix or make worse” 🤪, and basically fetishize her (unchecked) mental health issues that contribute to how she acts. Again, she’s had crippling insecurities and low self-esteem since she was a kid, Ashley has had just about 0 good life experiences outside of the ones with Andrew. So it is incredibly frustrating to see. I’m like I hate y’all I really do, read the damn room 🙄. They need to stop projecting their weirdo shit onto her.

People who fetishize mental illness and talk about how they want to “date a crazy bitch” are so gross. If/when they actually date someone with said mental health issues, when things get bad and they don’t fit the fantasy anymore, they’ll get disgusted and drop the person struggling with mental issues like trash. Anytime I see a guy say “crazy girls with mental issues are better in bed!”…. I’m like I know what type of man you are 🫥…. Perish 🗣️.

Ashley and Andrew both have unchecked mental illness, we know this. It’s quite literally not their fault. However, I personally don’t feel comfortable diagnosing them. Every time I see someone online say they were a born a psychopath, sociopath, etc. I lose brain cells. Mind you, I’m literally majoring in psychology and I still don’t feel comfortable diagnosing them.

To wrap things up because I know this post is LONG! I empathize with both Andrew and Ashley because they’ve both been dealt a bad hand in life. Their parents failed them in every way, and the society they live in is totally dystopian. However, when it comes to Ashley specifically? I have all the empathy for her in the world, especially because I understand some of the things she’s dealt with and how painful it really is. Digging deeper into her character shows you that she has quite literally been through hell and back. You can say she’s a victim turned villain, but honestly? I don’t really even consider her a villain, maybe that’s controversial to say but 🤷🏻‍♀️, I don’t think she’s irredeemable either. She’s someone who was hurt very badly, her wounds run deep, and she never really got to heal from any of it.

I just want her and Andrew to have a happy ending, it would be nice for them to experience genuine happiness for once. I would also like to see Ashley gain some self love in ch. 3, maybe Andrew will be able to help her with that in a way as their relationship improves.

Honestly, people who act like the questionable burial route is the “bad” ending are in denial so bad. Nemlei has said that “Burial” and “Decay” aren’t an indicator of a “good” or “bad” ending though. There will also be multiple outcomes to discover. I’m both excited, and scared lol.

I love Ashley Graves so much as a character, she’s so interesting and complex. I don’t play about her 😂. When it comes to defending her I’m on the frontlines lmao. The misogyny/hate when it comes to her is crazyyy. I’ll be the odd one out I don’t care, she’s my girlie 💕. It’s always refreshing to see other people who adore her and actually understand her as a character.

~~~~~~~~

Thank you so much for reading ❤️. I think this is my longest post yet 😳.

Also, a big thank you to everyone for all of the notes on my TCOAAL posts! I truly appreciate it. I’m so glad other people adore this game just as much as I do. :)

Unfortunately I’m not able to follow people back since this is a side blog. :/, but I do really appreciate everyone that follows me, I hope you like what I post. 💜

I’m currently working on creating an ooak doll of Ashley! 🤭💕. I’m SO excited to finish it and post her!

I plan on making a post about the Decay route at some point, because I realized I haven’t discussed it much. Probably because that route makes me sad 😓. However, it’s still incredibly interesting and I’m both excited and nervous to see where it goes.

#that one girl who don’t play about ashley graves #ashley graves’s defense attorney #tcoaal spoilers #tcoaal #the coffin of andy and leyley #nemlei #ashley graves #andrew graves #coffincest #gravecest #leyley graves #andy graves #kit9 #i hate reddit #i hate stupid people #this is a pretty long post oops #long post #longer post #just my thoughts

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jellydragons · 1 year

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tetra is having a Day

#my posts #my art #the legend of zelda #wind waker #tloz #tloz wind waker #tloz ww #wind waker fanart #like imagine you break through a window cool as to save your sorta bestie #only oops oh no some dude the size of a mountain wearing a bathrobe has you by the neck and is saying some wild stuff about whatever #and you very reasonably pass out on account of the being strangled #next thing you know you wake up on your sorta bestie’s talking (!) boat not dead which is a definite plus #but also UNDER THE LITERAL ACTUAL OCEAN. OKAY.#so the talking (!!) boat is like ‘go find the whatever’ so your sorta bestie takes you on a quick jaunt through this MASSIVE building #like this thing is bigger than windfall island and just under the ocean?? this whole time apparently??#anyway so it’s pretty chill you go down into the basement there’s some sweet statues and then a dude in ANOTHER bathrobe appears #yada yada says some stuff turns out the talking (!!!) boat was actual the ghost of some long dead rando who’s like a king ig and THEN #HE FIDDLES WITH YOUR MUM’S TRIANGLE NECKLACE AND SUDDENLY YOU’RE IN SOME MUSTY DRESS WITH MORE LACE THAN SENSE AND ALSO A PRINCESS??#which. okay. take a second to process THAT mess and huh if you’re a princess and the dead boat dude is a king wouldn’t that mean- AUGH #this takes place over like maybe 5 hours including the time you were Passed Out On Account Of The Strangulation #AND THEN YOU GET LOCKED IN THE BASEMENT LIKE????#anyways tetra should’ve systematically smashed every stained glass window in the place. she deserved it for having the Worst Day Of Her Life

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fuwapower-prettycure · 4 months

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Happy Holidays from the FuwaPow Team!

wishing you all a happy new year and a wonderful 2024. I’m so thankful for the fanseries community, and can’t wait to make a lot more memories with y’all :)

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jacksprostate · 8 days

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Part 4 (with links to the other parts)

The first thing I do is, I talk to the man who takes my sheets, with his scrapdog ears and eyebrows, and I tell him: address him properly.

The word spreads on its own. I remember, before I was used to it, that knowing lilt. Sir. It’s still present. Take your pills, sir. It’ll be alright, sir. Take your time recovering.

Mills starts cursing at the staff. We pass in the halls, he yells at me, tells me to stop them. He’s not their fucking leader. Call off my dogs.

I smile, too wide. They’ve never listened to me, not really. Especially not on this.

I can’t help you.

Naturally, he hates this.

The second thing I do is, I ask for photographs. News clippings. Marla’s dildo was large, questionable, encouraging of disorder, and a choking hazard. Slips of paper are much more tolerable contraband. I’m given free rein, like one of Zimbardo’s incentivized guards. It’s a psychology experiment in a psychology experiment, and my psychiatrist is playing Jane Goodall.

It’s arts and crafts, and all the attendees are either bruised or braindead. There is no one stopping me. I glue all my collected pieces together into the rough shape of a heart, like it’s Valentine’s Day, and I turn to Mills, trapped at the back of the room. He hasn’t seen a shred of what I’m up to.

Something to remember her by, I say. I don’t call him sir, because I never have. I wonder if he knows this.

I see him look, more instinct than anything from getting layers of paper shoved in his face, and I see how he clenches his teeth so hard his jaw creaks. He rips the collage of his wife out of my hands, and I can tell, he hates me. Real hate, like he wants death to fuck my body until it’s not even for the worms.

He can’t bear to destroy it, and now I know every time he looks at it in his room, he’ll be thinking of me. Funny how that works.

The thing is; Mills actually didn’t try to kill me this time, so I think I need to take it up a notch.

I cross the cafeteria just so I can spit in his food. I piss on his door and get the space monkey janitors to leave it for fifty-seven hours. In group therapy, I take a page from Chloe and monologue about how the last thing I’d like to do is get my rocks off chemically unhindered before the seizure medications they’ve got me on arrest all of my brain activity altogether. A nice nugget for Mills to report back to Somerset about my proposed psychosexual obsession. I segue into discussing how I met Tyler, on the nude beach, grit all across him as he hauled pilings and sat with his bare ass in the sand. It’s the most I’ve ever said about Tyler. The group minder scribbles on her sheet like mad as I describe Tyler’s wet, blond hair. His minute of perfection.

And he still doesn’t try to fight me. I know he wants to. He wants to shake me by my throat and rattle me and slam my head into the ground until it splits open like a rotten egg. But he doesn’t, and he looks torn. Like he’s guilty. Like Tyler could ever really feel guilt.

This is one of the things I want to complain about when Marla calls me.

She still does. More than when she was alive. But she says nothing, and I can’t break the silence. I sit there, orderlies watching as I say nothing, she says nothing, just a whole bunch of dead air between us.

Ghosts were always calling for Marla, at Paper Street.

Now I’ve got Marla’s ghost on the line and Tyler’s ghost in the flesh, and neither want to talk to me.

We get locked up in supervised one-on-one again, now with both of us chained and one twitch away from a new addiction.

I ask Mills, did you talk to her enough, that last week?

Do you think she knew you loved her?

Do you think she felt loved?

Mills asks for the sedation, this time. Polite about it, like he’s not seething. Like I can’t see how his eyes have been only half empty most of these days, since I’ve managed to fill him up with rage at me. Folie à deux, I want it so bad.

I am Jack’s crippling sense of rejection.

My stupid psychiatrist, he lets Mills amble out of the room and traps me in there.

I’m corralled. An angel on either shoulder. All the staff who aren’t from the Project have stopped laughing at my jokes. My antics have not gone unobserved. I’ve been given my time to rein as the world’s most entertaining lab rat, and now this localized god wants results.

“What’s your goal here?”

Isn’t it obvious?

“No. Tell me about what you’re thinking,” he says. I look at him, and I see him, for the first time. Not disillusioned, not holy. Just a sniveling doctor with a penchant for human experimentation and the funding to enable him.

How horribly average.

He says, “I understand this is difficult for you, but we really need to know what’s going on if you want to have continued support in this manner for your recovery.” Play nice, or you’ll lose your favorite toy.

I say, this has never been about recovery. It’s time we faced that, isn’t it?

This man, so used to my religious apathy, has never truly had a challenge. He looks pinched.

He says, “Of course I want you to recover.”

And I laugh, and I point out that we both know those outside these halls are more interested in what’s wrong with me than any semblance of fixing it.

You’re not getting paid to drain the swamp in my head. You’re here to keep it plugged up, decomposing. We both know this, I’m just acknowledging it. I laugh.

I tell this little god, he can write me up in all his little acclaimed journals.

But don’t come to me, saying I have to play your little games or you’ll take Mills away. We both know you won’t. The day I give up, the day I become a real vegetable is the day your cash cow keels over. You’re not going to punish me. Not really. You’ll take away my jello, my oats, you’ll put me on lithium and clozapine and valproic acid, but you don’t really want this to end. You don’t want me to get better. You want Tyler back just as much as I do. You can’t do shit to me. I have nothing to lose.

You have everything.

Tyler’s words, back home in my mouth. They’re mine now. I get up and the orderlies flanking me do nothing. I look down on this small, small man, and I think, he has never known a bigger fish. He doesn’t even know the hands that feed him.

I’ve hit bottom, I say, and it’s not you who holds the shovel. Be grateful I let you observe.

#fight club #my writing #se7 #se7en (1995)#se7en #back on my bullshit !#theres a turn after this. i feel like this fic getting posted in breaks of several weeks is not ideal oops #ill probably go through and try to clean it up when i post it on ao3. but we are still a ways away. getting pretty long. whew #still have several major scenes....

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randomminty · 1 year

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Ive only got sv in the brain right now

#There honestly isnt a single character in sv i dont love to death oh my goooood theyre so good #Spoilers but the build up of each member of the e4 being revealed throughout the game and leaving one member as a complete mystery makes #The final reveal like 1000x funnier i lose my mind #art tag #pokemon #Iono and grusha never interact i think she would use him for clout #Theyre personalities are so different i would kill to see them interact tho #Geeta gives off such evil champion vibes sometimes she just says weird things. Im so glad she isnt actually hiding smth shes just like that #She said she wanted to visit my house. Dont do that maam #Gym leader iono #gym leader grusha #champion geeta #elite four rika #gym leader katy #nothing to say abt rika that hasnt been said. Hello #And katy???? Hi. So cute pretty. Her w a teddiursa is rly cute but her w an ursaring so so so cool #The rivals. Team star. The faculty. I want to talk abt every single character #Read over the tags grammar is very wonky today! Oops. Im not rewriting all of that tho #All these artworks couldve been independent posts but i drew them all in the same day so it feels right #I havent drawn for so long i just had like. A sudden boom and kept drawing #Ok thats all!!! Fav part of posting art is screaming in the tags #sv spoilers #chairwoman geeta #i forgot shes actually a chairwoman oops

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starfacedstudio · 6 months

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Image ID: A detailed digital illustration of a bedroom for Ralsei from Deltarune in a watercolor style. A chandelier lights the scene from above in blue, including a covered 4-poster bed + chair with plenty of books next to it (right / center), a closet filled with clothes (left / center), a bookshelf with a ladder filled with books and crafting supplies (center), a stack of unpacked boxes (left), and a desk cluttered with craft supplies and drawn-on papers (front right). The brick walls are covered with drawings and glow in the dark stars, hearts, and moons, and paper doll garlands line the perimeter. Two tapestries on the rightmost wall frame a large stained glass window. Just middle of left, Ralsei's hat hangs on the back wall. End ID.

Image ID: A page titled "Environment Intensive Packeting: Ralsei's Bedroom. There are 6 called out items from the previous illustration (shown at the top left), which include: 1. Window design, which features the Delta Rune motif / symbol. The bottom part of the window is colorful. 2. Banners (tapestries). They depict two different scenes from Ralsei's prophecies, one shows 3 heroes emerging from the world's edge, and the second depicts a Titan at the world's end. 3. Unused Manual pages, one contains a drawing of Ralsei with the text "Thank you! I'm looking forward to meeting you!" with a heart at the bottom. The second has text that says "Dedicated to the unending pillar of darkness that gives my body form." 4. Desk clutter: pink strings of yarn, dry macaronis, and a green crayon. 5. A string of paper dolls with varying shapes: a darkner, a lightner, a save point, and a heart. 6. Wall decor, including glow in the dark stars and drawings of other characters. End ID.

boy this was meant to be finished like 2 weeks ago but at least im in time for the anniversary babeyyyy!! happy birthday deltarune oh god you're 5 years old now

Here's a bedroom design for Ralsei that I did for class - there's certainly more details hidden in this that I didn't have time to call out, so shout out to anyone who may spot em!

#deltarune #ralsei deltarune #described #fotf #long post #lmao im not tagging everyone else theyre just drawings #finally catching up on work RAHG i had a sudden surgery earlier this month and it set me back quite a bit but its sorted now #this room is moreso catered to fotf ralsei but it can still apply to regular ralsei too #haha. i have some painful plans for him regarding this room. just u wait.#i feel like i should maybe put out a more official announcement for this but i do have to delay FotF's debut more unfortunately. things hav #been really busy this semester (when i thought they wouldn't be) so im now aiming for the end of the year. but i cant promise anything #dont have 2 longass comics in your brain at once man....#anyways. im really happy with this!!! im thankful my professors were really understanding and I wasn't rushed to finish this #it came out pretty much exactly how i imagined it in my head!!!!!!#also this file has far too many layers. i dont know the number i just know its many. oops

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greyias · 7 months

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I love you, you big nerd.

...that buff/blessing lasted for all of five minutes. Seems to go along with her track record so far.

#gale: wait mystra gave me a blessing??? i'm very confused but i accept i will use this gift well--#mystra: oops my bad didn't mean to give you that *lets it expire before we can even use it*#look i'm pretty sure she's actively trying to be as unhelpful as possible at this point #then again shar's blessing ALSO only lasted until a long rest #(things that would be great to know before you trigger them)#so i guess they've all got more important business than making sure we take care of things for them #grey's bg3 tag #bg3 posting #bg3 spoilers #ari's og campaign

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feathers-blown-in-the-wind · 1 year

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A Gorizilla analysis through the Spiderman lens : Why Ladrien is a genius subversion of the Peter/Gwen (and civilian/superhero) ship

Or way too many words of me explaining why Ladrien is good damnit

While the show seems dedicated to use every side of the love square but Ladrien this season, I do sincerely believe Ladrien has one of the most fascinating dynamic I've seen in superhero media.

So here is an analysis of one of their most iconic moment :

THE GORIZILLA SCENE

The scene is crafted to remind the viewer of one of the most well-known tropes in the superhero genre: the love interest is captured by a villain. It's also a very interesting deconstruction of that trope and I will attempt to explain how below.

It's no secret that Spiderman was an inspiration for Ladybug and I'd argue this scene is reminiscent of it in a lot of ways. In the comics and most adaptations, there is one particular use of that kidnapping trope that comes to mind: the death of Gwen Stacy by the hand of the Green Goblin. Now how does that relate to the Ladrien scene? Let's see.

1. Hawkmoth (and Gabriel) as The Green Goblin : a father's gamble

Most people have at least a vague idea of who the Green Goblin is, and that particular inspiration is probably the most obvious between Spiderman and Ladybug: their nemesis is the father of one of their best friends. Which as both of them will realise, sucks a lot.

Now the Green Goblin setup in ML differs from the comics. At the time of the "Gwen Stacy's death" scene, Hawkmoth and Ladybug have no idea who the other is, whereas the Green Goblin and Spiderman are very well aware. This whole situation is a pure coincidence in classic ml fashion, where secret identities are everywhere and get tangled with each other A LOT. There's a reason the two facts people recognize as typical Miraculous are the love square and Hawkmoth's identity: it is a core part of the series, especially in early season 2, right after the audience learned of that fact.

Their identities being unknown to the other doesn't prevent the scene from working, it instead subverts it. It decides to deconstruct this popular trope: Gabriel has no idea that his son is special to Ladybug, but Adrien matters to him personally. You could argue the Gorizilla scene is an AU where the Green Goblin decides to kidnap Harry instead of Gwen (his own son over the love interest) but it would be missing the point of Miraculous "chassé-croisé d'identités". Here Adrien is both Harry, son of a super-villain, and Gwen, Ladybug's love interest, and it's what makes the scene so poignant. The scene is as much about testing how far Gabriel is willing to endanger his son as it is about if Ladybug can save him.

Adrien being directly involved isn't something Gabriel wants at all but he figures he can use it. You could argue this is the first moment in which Gabriel decides no questions asked to involve his son, and for good reason: confirming if Adrien is Chat Noir, his nemesis' partner. Gorizilla and Style Queen are some of the most humanizing moments Gabriel gets. The two moments where he almost lost Adrien, and the two moments where he wonders how far he can go to bring back his wife, wonders if he is willing to put the last thing he has left in danger on a gamble. This time he gambles: if Chat Noir truly is his son, he'll save himself. If he isn't, Ladybug will.

Adrien is missing, and his bodyguard is deeply upset: it's a perfect akuma setup, and the perfect opportunity to fight and potentially de-mask one of his enemies. Two birds one stone as they say. Unknowingly, Gabriel even strikes a third bird with this move : Ladybug's crush is captured.

2. Maribug as Peter Parker and Adrien as Gwen Stacy : the impossible romance

Gwen Stacy is a character that has been adapted and modified a lot. Sometimes made one with Mary Jane — Spider-Man's other well-known love interest — she is however remembered by one scene: her death (or at the very least her fall). For most people anyway. Now that sounds harsh and I don't believe it to be quite this clear cut: Gwen is very loveable during her life, and it's exactly the reason why her death is what we remember most. Her murder is a gut punch to the viewer and to Peter both because we love her as much as Peter does.

Gwen is Peter's "one that got away", the love of his life that he absolutely can't be with (be it to protect her or because she's already dead): something that Adrien is more and more becoming for Marinette as the show goes on. So is Chat Noir, but Chat Noir is a point I will adress later on.

'Truth' confirms the idea that Marinette having a civilian boyfriend is a bad, terrible idea. To add to this lesson, there are many events in the show that adress why Adrien specifically is someone she is so attached to that she does stupid things. In Volpina, Ladybug almost gives up her Miraculous when she thinks that Adrien is in danger (again another instance where the "love interest in danger" trope is used for Ladrien). In the Christmas special, she gets someone akumatised over Adrien being missing. Desperada's whole plot is about how Ladrien makes them both act dumb and against what they should do. In Chat Blanc she is forced to backtrack on her confession to Adrien - the first one to actually go through - in order to save the world. The season 3 finale was kickstarted in part by her feelings for Adrien and her jealousy towards Kagami. The season 4 finale ended the way it did because she trusted who she thought was Adrien. So far it seems that in season 5 Marinette will take all of these lessons to heart: being close and in love with Adrien is bad for her job as hero. (I haven't watched Kwami's choice yet but from what I know of it, it certainly seems to agree)

There is an evident pattern in the show regarding Ladrien's future : as long as Ladybug and Hawkmoth exist, Adrien has to stay a fantasy, an unreachable relationship that Ladybug can't have, just like Gwen is to Peter. Which seems rather fitting for a romance between the son of a supervilain and Paris' Heroine.

Now the fall in Gorizilla is another example of this phenomenon, but it is a very specific one. For the first time, Adrien's safety is directly in danger. And we, as the audience, know it. Where Volpina and Santa Claws were fake-outs to freak out only Ladybug, here WE are in the same boat. We know Adrien is really there and falling to his certain death. And more importantly: we know Chat Noir isn't coming to save him.

3. The subversion : Adrien as Chat Noir (the importance of trust and agency)

Now here comes the real genius of the scene to me (the genius of the Ladrien dynamic and the love square in general really) : we know Adrien is Chat Noir. We know that Adrien isn't as defenseless as Gwen, or as far removed from the conflict as Harry is. Something that neither Ladybug nor Gabriel know. Adrien isn't an innocent bystander pulled into the conflict by his father and his crush: Adrien is Ladybug's partner and Gabriel's enemy.

We know Adrien is more than capable of saving himself because Gabriel is right: his son is a superhero. However just like our favorite blond boy reinforces to Plagg, saving himself by transforming would be a pretty terrible idea. We're left hoping that it doesn't come to that, and yet it's hard to know how they can avoid it.

The audience is well aware that no matter what happens, Adrien won't die permanently : but thanks to the 'Miraculous Ladybug', that doesn't mean Adrien can't die at all. Sure it would be very unlikely to show his dead body or anything in a kids show, but Chat Noir has definitely 'died' before. And the more the scene advances, the more you're left to wonder how the heroes could win without Adrien exposing his identity. And while Chat Blanc hadn't happened yet, we have a vague idea of the consequences this revelation could have based on our interactions with other superheroes media. Given the very specific game of identity going on, Gabriel confirming his theory would make the plot go way faster than expected (and might just end the show).

We know two things given the show's genre:

Adrien really can't be revealing his identity this early on (it would be kept for a finale or a two parter surely)

Ladybug will win the fight in the end

Whether the situation resolves itself before or after Adrien face-planted on the floor is up in the air. His death being only temporary won't change much on how the audience feels because Adrien is just as loveable as Gwen is. Him dying is the last thing we want since we love him as much as Marinette does and the stakes for the episode are therefore raised.

Now the consequences are all clear but I'd want to circle back to the beginning : how did we end up in this situation ?

In the original comics, Gwen is an absolute damsel in this situation : she's unconscious for pretty much the entire scene and basically gets yeeted off the rooftop. Adrien's situation is very different though and it circles back to one of the most important themes in the show: trust.

If anything, the closest description of the gorizilla scene is a giant trust fall. Gabriel, however willing he is to endanger Adrien, doesn't throw him off the building: he actually attempts to protect Adrien by keeping him with his bodyguard. Now how does Adrien fall then ? That's the thing: he doesn't. Adrien doesn't fall, Adrien jumps. As Ladybug arrives on the roof, she asks him to trust her. And as her secret crush or as Gabriels' son, he doesn't have any reason to do so this willingly. Except Adrien isn't just that: Adrien is Chat Noir. And Chat Noir always trusts Ladybug.

In this scene, Adrien keeps his agency, something Gwen (or most civilian love interests really) isn't usually allowed. There is a lot to be said about the Gwen death scene and some of the inherent sexism that existed in the comics (which is unnavoidable given the time period). Heck even the newer movies, who put a lot of efforts into making MJ a 'feminist' character didn't completely drop the damsel trope (it being inherently a good or bad thing is too nuanced a topic to discuss here). There is however one instance I know of in a Spiderman media where the 'someone I love is falling' is also a trust fall : the 2018 ps4 video game. Now why do I bring that up? Interestingly enough, this video game presents Mary Jane as Spiderman's partner. We can even play as her in some missions ! Now that dynamic sounds very familiar. Video game Mary Jane, just like Adrien, puts a great deal of trust in her partner. And it pays off !

Trust is a fundamental aspect of the love square, and most 'damsel in distress' situations showcase that heavily. Ladynoir trust each other through and through, even when they don't have their own mask on. Adrien is Chat Noir and his lady just told him to jump, to trust her. So he does.

Gabriel is completely panicked because he didn't want that. He doesn't want Adrien falling to his certain death and he sure as hell doesn't trust Ladybug to save him. Gabriel can't understand why his son would and yet Adrien did.

Even Ladybug herself gambles heavily in this scene, hoping against all hopes that her partner will come to save Adrien, trusting that he'll be there, as he always is for her.

Ladrien subverts most damsel in distress trope by virtue of Adrien keeping his agency in them. Adrien is still Chat Noir even when he drops the mask. Adrien chooses time and time again to trust Ladybug, to keep on hoping. And she never disappoints, in clear contrast to Gabriel who keeps on disappointing his son. Trust is a core theme of Miraculous, in both romantic and platonic relationships, and an area in which Marinette and Gabriel really show their differences: Adrien's trust in Ladybug is earned and deserved, whereas Gabriel constantly abuses it.

4. Now what ? An attempt at discussing Season 5 and the 'reverse love square'

Season 5 really puts an emphasis on the trust theme, with almost every Gabriel/Adrien scene being filled with manipulation, while Ladynoir reinforces the importance of trust, no matter how their romantic feelings might evolve. Adrienette follows a similar theme, with Marinette becoming Adrien's confidant, trusting her with his deeper feelings in a way he only did with Plagg (and arguably Ladybug) before.

Adrien might be Marinette's one that got away, but Marinette is undoubtly where Adrien's happy ending lies.

Ultimately, the biggest obstacle to Adrienette is Marinette herself: once she lets herself trust Adrien, their relationship will be smooth sailing (if Gabriel doesn't put his ugly nose where it doesn't belong that is). Interestingly enough, that's what Ladybug has to do in Strikeback, both with Adrien (the real one this time) and with Chat Noir.

The love square plays constantly with the angst, and yet we know the fluff will come eventually. Adrienette is basically the happy version of Gwen/Stacy, an updated version where the damsel becomes the partner, where the happy ending will come one day, as long as they both power through. And it's honestly the best way to describe how Ladybug and Spiderman differs: Peter's ending is rarely happy (seriously half of the comics have the worst endings ever) whereas Marinette's journey, hopeless as it can seem, will lead to happiness eventually.

There are thousands of ways in which the show could get there though, many of which are criticised by at least some part of the fandom for one reason or another. The beginning of the season has flip-flopped a lot between Adrienette and Ladynoir, with Marichat fans finally getting their long awaited 'square reversal'. But where does that leave Ladrien ?

Well according to most: nowhere (despite Marichat being the most popular side, even back when it was unrequited but I digress). There's a lot of hints that the reversal might not be as clear cut as some fans believe, but ultimately, until we get a Ladrien scene in Season 5, it will be complicated to truly settle the debate once and for all.

However, I like to believe that Ladrien will never be an inconsequential relationship: the trust between them will never disappear (I'd argue it's getting stronger than ever), and a love as deep as they had won't vanish that easily, no matter how much they may want to move on. There's still a lot of stories that could be told with Ladrien.

A reprise of the Gorizilla scene would be fascinating for example, and truly showcase how far we've come.

With his slow descent into full blown villainy, would Season 5 Gabriel let Adrien die, and with him the last sliver of a potential reconciliation and redemption ?

How would Ladybug react to Adrien's life being put in danger now ? Season 1 Ladybug almost gave up her Miraculous, but I wonder how a Season 5 one would react: would she trust Adrien to save himself ? Especially if this hypothetical scene happens post reveal.

Would Adrien take a gamble and transform despite the risks ?

There's a lot of different ways this situation could end and I'd be disappointed if they don't use it again.

Since the 'Hawkmoth is Gabriel' reveal, Ladrien has been anticipated to be at the core of his demise, and I still believe it will be the case. By then, the reveal will have blurred the lines, but I have no doubt that Adrien (as Hawkmoth's son) and Ladybug (as his nemesis) will matter most: ultimately, they're the ones that Gabriel cares about, and the finale will surely place them at the forefront, as the ending of the Agreste arc and Gabriel's final confrontation with the Guardian.

In the end, Marichat is the fun and chaotic side that sometimes delves deeper, Ladynoir is the workplace relationship based on complete trust, Adrienette is their teenage first love with all the awkwardness that comes with it, and Ladrien is the one that connects best to the plot: the Love Square is a mix of all of them, and something else entirely and I firmly believe that any analysis of their relationship that aims to do more than breach the surface needs to take a look at all of them and that certainly includes Ladrien, be it requited or platonic.

Now I'm certainly no expert and everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I believe that Ladrien still has a lot of things to offer, even now, perhaps especially so.

(Also for every Spiderman fan out there, don't hesitate to correct me on anything I may have said wrong here, I've never actually read the comics myself so my knowledge is mostly second hand and vague memories of the diverse movies.)

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straycalamities · 8 months

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Your post made me curious about Julien.... Would love to hear about him and Andrews relationship

hmm...the conundrum with that is i would like to show it one day so how much to tell...

the thing abt this is julian has ALWAYS been written in andrews life. one of the constants of his story no matter how much he changes. (he used to be named Matty) but ive uh...been a chicken to properly show it because uh its HEAVY.

so hm...i've gone over andrew's family life before so it's not meh to go over it again i think...

that's also mostly stayed the same.

readmore bc...ya boys gonna get long-winded

so andrew has a very strict mother with very high expectations of her children, but especially him. his father is more lax and easy-going, pretty carefree tbh, but bc of this its to a fault where he also just..doesnt want to confront his wife. so things kinda..go out of control in the household as far as...his mom's weird like..competition thing between andrew and his sister

so andrew has a twin sister Alana (anyone remember Jackie? yea) and she's pretty naturally good at whatever she puts her mind to. not that she doesnt bust her ass, but things just? come to her. it's just how it is. and she's very much a daddy's girl which pushes andrew into the role of momma's boy. so then it becomes andrew's dad and alana vs andrew's mom and andrew. except. it's pretty much only andrew's mom pushing this narrative, but she's a very convincing person and is the kinda person to naturally command a room

alana is also a naturally curious person so she likes to pick up hobbies and things and practice them until she's over it or good at it or both. and thus..andrew gets pushed into these things too, to not be outdone

the thing about andrew, though, is that he's got a more particular way that he needs to engage with things to actually pick things up and learn them. first of all, he's a very kinetic learner so just reading or hearing a lecture about it doesn't do anything for him. and unfortunately he doesn't have anyone in his life early on (teachers nor family) who understand this about him. they just think there's something wrong with him or off about him or that he's lazy/doesn't care.

but andrew cares. oh he cares. way too much. and he works. so hard. to try to match with the expectations weighing on him, but it just! doesn't happen! no matter how hard he tries! he can't absorb what he's reading! he can't process what he's hearing! when he DOES get the chance to just get his hands on things and figure things out, he shines

and alana tries to help because despite it all, she cares a lot about him. she tries to show him things or tell him what helped her, but it's just..different. the things that work for her, dont't work for him. and she also can't be with him a lot because she has a lot going on. she has big aspirations and she has lots of friends (more things he struggles with) how did they end up so different u_u

so andrew's daily life is very very stressful. he feels like he's always under watch, under scrutiny, every little thing is being judged, weighed, and measured. and that just makes everything much harder for him. he eventually learns over-time to perform great under pressure but that's because the pressure in his adult-life is nothing like the pressure of his childhood lmao

(and if this is a universe where he's got the necromancy thing goin on, there's THAT whole can of worms too. bc of how looked down on and oo scary necromancy is)

so its like..andrew does have his aspirations, his dreams. he wants to be an astronaut! :) and he maintains some semblance of that goal his whole life. he just likes space! he thinks its neat and would rather just spend all day learning about space than anything he's supposed to be learning. not that it's easier, but he's more motivated lmao

he's a C or low B student (idk how to translate american schooling marks into anything else sorry..american moment) and so he's not doing...too bad, but definitely not enough to his teachers or his parents. and he's "inconsistent" bc go figure sometimes lessons are more to his learning capabilities and he excels so oh no now ppl have Proof He Can Do It why cant he do it All The Time. fantastic.

being so focused on making everyone proud or proving everyone wrong in other cases (yes andrew does operate on a level of spite) has andrew finding little time for himself. especially bc his moms the type to not like uhh idle activities. everythings gotta have a Point of Growth. literally the only reprieve is that his mom works away from home a lot, but she'll definitely call or video-call often to make up for that fact. and andrew's The One she has her eye on. he's Her responsibility to better

(the thing about his mom is god she's a strict hard-ass but she does love him uh...so i'm not trying to make it all Ooo Evil Heartless Mother Time. nah she cares but boy is she awful at showing it. and that's not an excuse but..yaknow. it is how it is. her whole thing abt being such a tyrant is that she's worried about him and wants him to do better and Be better and so she's gonna force it down his throat til it takes ...rip)

ofc his family all has their bonding pleasant moments its not all hell all the time and like i said his dad and sister are more uh..better at showing they care but still not..amazing. the whole household like i said before in another post is more reserved than like..ji-hoon's for example who freely give hugs and stuff

anyways so alll of this uh..stuff is to explain: Andrew Doesn't Have Friends LMAO his entire elementary school experience is spent not having time for friends and eventually just not knowing how to Make them bc he had no practice or experience doing so. and the other kids don't think much about him because he doesn't make time for them? they've got other ppl to hang out with. and when a kid does make an attempt he fucks it up somehow or his mom scares them off with the Restrictions for how andrew is allowed to interact with other kids (if andrew wouldnt tell them tho they wouldnt have to know..smh)

by the time he's transitioning to middle school is when he meets julian. julian ALSO does not have friends (gee wonder why (youll see why)) and julian sees andrew not having friends either and thinks well! time to have this loner be MY friend. and julian is a pretty charismatic person when he wants to be. he knows how to small talk and keep conversations going and all that. i say this like a tween julian already has evil intentions but tbh..nah it DOES honestly start off innocent enough. julian has a lot going on at home too and wants someone to be his friend. simple as that. andrew doesnt already have a group, so..easy choice there. should be

the stuff that usually scares ppl away doesnt work on julian because he's a very anti-rules disobedient sort at this point already anyways. he just sees it as a challenge really so even if andrew makes things awkward by parroting his moms rules on how he can interact with other kids based on her paranoias about the typical Child and what they could teach Her Precious Baby it doesnt phase him. he gonna do it anyway

they do have interests in common, turns out! they like some of the same music. some of the same shows/movies. and things like that. the rest of it Becomes shared interests bc julians the type to go "hey i like this. now you will too" and for the most part? their shared tastes go a long way and andrew DOES end up liking most things julian introduces him to

at first julian does kinda..have no choice but to follow the Hard Rules that andrews got for hanging out so..they pretty much only see each other at school, they start picking up writing letters for each other to read only when they get home so they can write a reply and they get kinda lengthy as more topics get added lol

but eventually julian starts convincing andrew to like..shake things up a bit. asks where he lives. turns up at his window. just to chaaat ofc. theyre not gonna get in trouble psh.. its just talking. then it becomes andrew calling julian at home even tho he's not allowed to be on the phone, but if he does it at night then nobody can catch him (or if his moms away bc tbh does his dad rly care..? but andrew assumes he does)

and so julian and andrew get steadily closer and closer that way and andrew is. ecstatic. his first friend! and a really close one! they're best friends! and for julians credit, he's still just thinking "yay i have a friend. someone that makes life suck less :) even if he's a dweeb who i need to teach to live life"

and okay well anything further about them needs content warnings: very unhealthy, toxic relationship talk. manipulation

so unfortunately. julian has a very uhh extreme view on his life. he likes to exaggerate everything (usually for the worst) and jus tlike in general. not just describing it, he actually feels like his life is the worst life anyone could ever have. his parents split up when he was young and now he's being raised by his grandma who is also strict but in a way where its like..shes strict on him but lives kinda like..whatever, herself. shes very do as i say not as i do but julian hangs onto the Example she's putting off and hates her guts for having the Audacity to try to make him do different when she cant even do it herself. he also has an uncle who has his fingers in a lot of very shady pots and so julian is keen to things he rly shouldnt be at a young age

so with all that, he has a tendency to kinda lash out at the world around him. thats sorta his...uh version of coping. and with so many ppl putting him at arms length mostly because of THIS part of his behavior especially, he's only got one person at his side. loyal. always there for him.

unfortunately thats andrew

and it starts small like..playful insults. nothing rly anything at first it could just be the way he shows affection. but then the insults hit parts that sting deeper and deeper. and get more and more personal. and julian starts making almost memes? of some of andrews faults, weaknesses, and insecurities as if that's just one of their Inside Jokes they have, yknow, as best pals. so andrew feels like oh well i have to like this bc its Special and its just for me. i should appreciate that he's doing this. nobody else has this. and he's not being Mean he's just being playful

and unfortunately the more andrew lets him get away with it, the worse julian gets about it. the thing is that nobody's taught andrew self-worth yet. he's been too busy trying to be what other people want him to be. so here he is, also being what julian wants him to be: a punching bag. but he doesnt realize thats what it is. he just thinks julian wants andrew to be the type to be "playfully rude" with but, again, im saying julian goes way past that

and as julian gets older, the more he reserves what used to be how he was with everyone, being him, being genuine in all the worst and best ways, with only andrew. so everyone else gets this very like..agreeable neutral kinda personality out of julian. so then andrew also sees THAT and thinks wow..i really am special

and as years go by and they go from middle school to high school and social situations change around them, andrew feels even more lucky he's gotten somebody special to him and that he's special to because by highschool it feels like everyones already got their cliques and their partners-in-crime and he'd feel like a mega loser without julian. and julians shown him and taught him so many cool things that give him things to actually talk about with other ppl when they Engage with him?

but yeah throughout highschool julian teaches andrew more and more rulebreaking habits. they even set up ways to make money at school w stuff like..selling test answers or snacks or stuff when they can get away with it. or skipping classes or other things. vandalizing things. pranking ppl (harmless :) ofc..but maybe only physically so)

so we return to julian's uncle. liek i said he's a shady dude. well. he starts involving an older julian in his shady shit. so now julian and andrew are peddling fkn weed and prescription drugs around their school and neighborhood. eventually they're hotwiring vehicles to steal. (kinda uhh tragically this is actually where andrew figures out he's pretty good at cars and likes them a lot and even if he's having a constant crisis about Being Awful, he's also uhhh more motivated to learn how to do a new thing and Be Good At It. bc that's the thing isnt it? he's finally Good At Something) and stealing other things too

and i kinda quickened the pace here but its like..well it does escalate pretty quickly because at some point julian has andrew wrapped around his little finger and tho there are the times one or both of them get caught and andrew gets in trouble, has a crisis, and swears off doing anything like that ever again!! julian just has to warm andrew up to it again. because by highschool julian also has the upper hand in that he's become andrew's gay awakening. so now andrew has a huge crush on him and especially wants to impress him and keep him around and notice him and find him cool and worthwhile

and at first julian is sorta confused?? but diversity win! the manipulative toxic asshole best friend is also into boys! but giving andrew everything he wants wouldnt be very fun would it? he has something to dangle over his head. and he's gotten to the point where this is high risk shit. andrew could very much change his mind about everything about them and leave julian and the longer time goes on, the more paranoid julian becomes of this very thing happening. so he holds onto whatever leashes he can get twisted around andrew

he'll entertain his attraction but never clarifies anything. never gives him like..bold affection. never makes it clear how he feels or if he's even completely fine with it? which adds pressure onto andrew that he's just making all this up. or he's being the weirdo, pushing something on julian who might be straight or something

outside of julian tho, andrew's family is noticing his behavior bc i mean..also hes obviously getting caught doing some of this stuff. and his grades are even worse. and sometimes they get calls abt him missing school? and they try to intervene bc like..andrews got One friend. its gotta be this guy. so they try to ground andrew, ban julian, all kinds of stuff but they're slippery and they've got all sorts of workarounds. and ultimately, they still go to the same school. and..sadly. this, at first, just makes andrew desperate to keep julian all the more bc now he's beome this like..symbol of freedom and having Fun and living life to the fullest and anything related to home starts being associated with prison, suffocation, snuffing out his personality and everything he's learned about himself and like..even if he doesnt rly has Friends outside of julian (he's convinced julian is the only friend he rly wants/needs) he's still seen as cool! the Bad Boy, the Hookup for cool shit (snacks, drugs etc) he's a hit sometimes with the Le Popular Kids ooo... and he might even get invited to get-togethers with julian (julian is actually the introvert to andrews extravert but he Humors ppl for the image and he likes the way andrew always looks at him like a lost puppy when he's trying to figure out what to say in convos with other ppl)

but overtime, julians just gotten too comfortable with being too rough with andrews mentality and his emotions. bc he's never stopped his absolute drilling into andrews squishy parts in order to make himself feel better. or somehow blaming andrew for everything, even julians own shortcomings. and playing hot n cold with andrews emotions and etc. like there's just a lot he does that keeps andrew eternally unsure of where he's standing with julian or if he's doing things Correct or in a way that makes julian Happy. and as andrew gets older and starts Understanding things, he starts Understanding that hey...there's actually a lot about this that he doesnt like. he starts trying to...ask julian to lighten up. to consider his feelings on things. that he wants to do..things he wants to do? why do they always do things julian wants to do. why do they always get into what julian likes but never what andrew likes.

julian is...surprised and he does not Like this change. doesnt like that andrew is trying to cause problems? in their relationship? like why make this a thing? when its nothing? it was fine before? but the thing about letting andrew meet ppl, gain reasons for ppl to wanna talk to him and know him is that he gets to know how other ppl are and how they feel abt him. and though he hasnt made any other Friends, he's just learning how..Normal ppl are. and how julian with him is Not Normal. and its in a bad way bc andrew feels bad! he feels sick to his stomach sometimes. and nobody gets to him like julian does! and he thought before it was the crush but now he's starting to realize...he doesnt actually feel that way about julian anymore because he's just gotten so...Cruel

well now when andrew gets grounded/banned from julian, he doesn't fight it. he doesn't find the loopholes anymore. he lets things go and just kinda...tries to see how he feels? and he finds he...feels better. there's ways he feels worse, but there's a lot more ways he feels like he can breathe. like he's a person. and he likes it so...he starts to just ween himself off julian. and julian starts to act up more bc he doesnt have his usual ways to Cope and gets in trouble more, being at school Less and that just causes more distance

and julian is finally living with what he was most terrified of. and andrew is willingly? throwing him away? and he cant have that. he's at his wits end and panicking

new content warning: whew boy suicide mention/suicide-baiting

and thats all i rly have to say aint it

he holds the fact over his head that if andrew actually does officially cut ties with him, julian will kill himself. that he has no reason to live if he doesn't have andrew. that andrew is his everything and the light of his life, his joy, all that. and he cant't just? leave him like this?

and at first andrews like wait no this is awful dont do that..im sorry and like..tentatively keeps his ties to julian, tries to continue things the wya they were! just uh..different! bc if julian wants andrew to stay then..compromises have to happen okay? and julian says he agrees but catch things getting worse again and andrew in the same boat he was before

distancing

julian freaking out in a panic at 2am on a phone call describing what he's about to do til andrew apologizes again

rinse

repeat

but andrew eventually is just...tired. man. he's getting closer to graduating. he really does NOT need this. it's taking such a heavy toll on him bc rly! nothing else terrible in his life ever really went away, this is just an addition. it's not that his mom saw him acting out and thought oh...this is bc im too hard on him, nah, she stays hard. she gets Harder. his moms stern and affectionless and doesnt understand his plights, his sisters always so busy with her life, and his dad is out of touch. and mostly: andrew doesnt want to bother anyone with his problems. its his own fault, after all. its his mess. and he also is terrified of what anyone would think of even..half the things he'd have to admit to get them to understand. or even a fourth tbh

so one day he just..has had enough. julian threatens to tell his parents what he's done, what he's really like even if it brings julian down too. julian plans to be dead anyways after so what does it matter

and andrew just tells him to do it and hangs up

he feels sick to his stomach for days, but also is too fed up to call and apologize or take it back. he flip-flops on both so much he ends up doing nothing at all

and this is where julian is officially out of his life. i call it Schrodinger's Julian at this point bc did he? or didnt he? well what is the truth is he just does not show up again. so andrew is free but..he literally does not know at what cost. and the guilt eats him up alive for the rest of his life as well as all the damage literally going from like 12-13 to 18 with what this shit did to him

(cw: suicide stuff over)

this is where some of the stories diverge? umm..he either goes immediately to college or waits. with the college timeline Also diverging to oh he makes it somehow or oh he has to drop out

my default tho is that he does try, but he has to drop out. and makes an absolute mess of himself while he's trying. college parties and nightlife and everything else. sex drugs and rock n roll pretty much. everything he knows about connecting to other people is completely Fucked and so he thinks he's making connections but it's not real. and nothing feels like it did with julian but that should be a good thing? or should it. he misses the old julian and he misses the good parts and he feels like he'll never have that with someone again or that maybe...if he did...they'd do the same thing. maybe its dangerous to be that close to anyone. but oh he wants it. so bad.

and we'll continue with my usual story but uh (cw: drugs/drug-use)

we have to delve a bit into the fact he becomes an addict. because he very much does. with all the escapism he does in college because he's just trucking along without processing a drop of this? no therapy? not even someone to vent to or hold onto? nah man. shits rough. and he loses himself in many kinds of drugs but heroin is his Drug of Choice and also loses himself in other people but in shallow ways. he becomes a party animal but in the worst way and that becomes his "college" is just this whole social scene that he's not even engaging with in a meaningful way bc he's too terrified of earnest closeness with another human being

meanwhile his grades tank and he just...stops going. needless to say he becomes very much a disaster of a human being at the end of this. the thing is tho..its all self-internalized. he doesnt take it out on other ppl or even want to make it other ppls problems. he tries to just come off as this rly fun guy whos up for literally anything. and like yeah ppl who hang w him enough can definitely See Somethings Up but he's literally just like oh its nothing! its fine im fine! bc no if he opens up about anything everyones gonna hate and abandon him

and unfortunately this gets back to his mom and she uh...cuts him off. completely. if he wont get cleaned up. if he wont just...BE better jst DONT be this trainwreck of a son or else. dont associate with her. thinking maybe itd be a shock enough he'd just Get Better? (lmao) but lmao no. and he rly spirals bad after that but luckily his dad and his sister still sneak contact with him, doing what they can? with someone who doesnt wanna make anything anyone elses' problem and insists he's fine everythings. Fine.

what Does finally have him like?? find hope again? and cling to it and start to eventually put his life back on its feet again depends on the story im writing but something eventually always does and he always has the same Sponsor to help him :'3 darius...(his old roommate from when he was a teacher at thornville..remember that guy? yea rewrote him into here in a different way) and idk..things do look up for andrew! it's just...a very much uphill battle and that's kinda usually where i place him in like Current Events in whatever sceneario/story im thinking of is after he's gotten on his feet (shakily but he's there) and he's usually a mechanic (sometimes moonlights as a necromancer for hire as well) and he's Working himself up to trying college again but hes taking his time. and he's got some sort of support circle (darius, ji-hoon, and sometimes others)

ji-hoon he actually meets as one of his roommates in college and it takes a lot of Effort from ji-hoon but he sees andrew struggling and kinda nags his way into his life to help and is usually one of the reasons andrew gets inspired to get better bc ji-hoon is literally everything julian wasnt but like in a good way. he cares, unconditionally about ppl in general but especially andrew because idk they just Click right. and like i said in another post, ji-hoon's family basically adopts andrew as well and they're so affectionate and loving and give lots of affirmations and stuff and andrew probably cries bc he's never felt that much love tbh and then feels like shit abt it bc crying is dumb, but then everyone else cries too (happy tears) and its like oh

idk this is where i start having lot sof tangential thoughts so ill leave it here but uh! yeah! so that's the story of julian and andrew! and the damage it did! and yes! this is true in every iteration of andrew ive ever written! (the julian and childhood family stuff part, not necessarily all the rest that comes after, a lot of that's new)

#asks #sharcbait #andrew cho #giant fucking ass-long lore post ig #bless your fucking SOUL if you read it all im your biggest fan #basically andrew's entire story pretty much i guess #oops just kinda typed it up in an ask #sighs one day ill write it/draw it proper

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bear-cubs-art-things · 7 months

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thoughts on your color guard,

i wanna know if you think yours is good

as a color guard kid

well they're certainly flexible (as in adaptable).

We have some pretty good color guard chics I think. The ones in front of me at the end of our opener do some pretty cool shit with the rifles. I don't really know how to explain it other than they flip em around, do some twirly stuff, then drop down into a two legged plus rifle stance that's reminiscent of a pyramid.

I think if I showed you a recording or smthn you'd understand it better fhdhdhdhdhdhf

Also worth mentioning... last year, at our Regional Comp, we had to perform an unfinished show. The band was standing in a form for half of our closer, and our color guard was able to produce something that allowed us not only to make it to finals, but to end up with an 86.3 or smthn IN finals.

I think we're pretty good shfhdjsjdb idk I'm speaking from a band kid perspective 😂😂

#oops long post-#bear answers #color guard #marching band #the color guard also get some pretty cool costumes and props :0 #like the flags this year are PRETTY!!!!!!!!#they're very talented and amazing yall do so much for the band 😭😭#just know we appreciate you even if we give you shit /gen #😭😊🙏🏻

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sophegg · 1 year

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i love the egg child part of the qsmp so much i just need to put it into words. it’s such a smart idea for how to make sure the server stays active — it’s not an activity requirement, but if you don’t take care of your egg, it will die. theoretically, you could just let your egg die and you can let someone else take care of it when you aren’t free to join. but people fall in love with their little pixel children and then they WANT to be active, it’s not an obligation they have to fill but something their consistently excited to do.

and having the parents be an english streamer and a spanish streamer is such a good way to make sure they all interact with each other across the language barrier. sure, there is some in-game translation to make things easier, but they also end up talking on discord to coordinate childcare and in the screenshots we’ve seen i think it’s so interesting how they’ll often speak the other person’s language rather than just picking one to both use or only using their own. co-parenting also gives them the basis for building up strong and unique relationships between the streamers themselves and their qsmp characters, which would’ve been much harder to develop without being given a starting point given the language barrier.

it’s just so clear how much thought quackity has put into this server and it’s so fun to watch everyone fall in love with their little egg children

#also as a side note the people ahead of time being like ‘this is such a random group of people why did q pick them they aren’t even friends’#it makes a lot more sense with the egg context #everyone he picked is someone who will be a good parent #their online personas allow for them to be responsible without losing the way they normally act in content #and they’re all the kind of people who take silly things seriously and won’t think it’s funny just to kill other people’s eggs for no reason #like i love tommy and he is great at loving things in minecraft but it would be SO weird to see him be a parent yknow #like it just doesn’t fit with his online persona he’s presenting more mature as he gets older but still #the ‘child’ propaganda is still too strong rn #and regardless of how close quackity currently is or isn’t with dteam and co #i think it’s pretty clear why he wouldn’t want to include anyone who participated in trying to kill micheal b.#it’s not the vibe he was going for with this server #the way that things have played out with the eggs makes it very clear that everyone was well chosen for this server #it’s good content but still lighthearted and filled with love #very long tag rant oops #qsmp #my post

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leetaehwan · 4 months

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your aura color + bias(es)

tagged by @ambivartence @lee-minhoe & @leewonseo 🤍

i could say i love green until i’m blue in the face and the universe will still tell me purple is my color 🤷🏻‍♀️

tagging @snug-gyu @changbeens @chanrizard @dongkwan @jinniebit if ya want !

#completely forgot to post this it’s been so long oops 😅#but this was cute thanks for tagging me besties 💖#u already know i had to put purplino in here 💜#this feels pretty accurate too though i’m def not very decisive lol #games

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13eyond13 · 6 months

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CAN I FINISH SOME DOODLES FOR Y'ALL THIS AFTERNOON WHO REQUESTED THEN YESTERDAY? I AM SURE GOING TO TRY

#I ALWAYS forget how long it takes me to draw even doodles #I don't make art regularly at all so I am slow and rusty af when I do #but I am determined to finish up #please standby my afternoon is pretty quiet so it should maybe work out #last night I went to another house for halloween and forgot to bring my post it notes with me oops #p

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that-was-anticlimactic · 1 year

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fragments of the day

“You’ve got so many knots tonight, Kento,” Yu commented, and though Kento couldn’t see him, he was sure Yu was frowning. “You gotta tell me when it starts to get this bad, okay?”

“I didn’t want to worry you.”

I didn’t want to bother you.

“You’re my best friend, Kento. I’m always gonna worry about you,” Yu replied easily, pushing into his muscles even harder and damn, that felt amazing; Yu really was good at giving massages. “I don’t like seeing you in pain.”

Kento sucked in a breath, then coughed, trying to play it off as a tic. How was Yu able to be so open with him? How was he able to share what’s in his heart? Hell, Kento can’t even say I love you. He has to rely on don't be stupid and be careful to get the message across.

Sometimes, he wished he were more like Yu.

So, Kento passed him another orange.

[or, nanami has bad shoulder pain and haibara makes it a little better]

⛅️12,868 words | nanami & haibara, nanami & gojo🌥

chapter one

chapter two

#corey writes:)#IT IS HERE!!!#this was originally supposed to be one chapter and then it got long and i felt like splitting it into two would make more sense plot wise tb #*tbh #also i started this in like. june lol i just got VERY stuck and have been stuck for awhile so like. SO excited that i'm getting unstuck haha #the second chapter will prolly be just as long oops but it's about halfway... MAYBE three quarters of the way done??? idk we'll see haha #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fanfic #nanami kento #jjk nanami #haibara yu #gojo satoru #nanami with tourette's #nanami & haibara #nanami fanfic #i'm have. feelings.#sorry for tagging so much lol i just. worked very hard on this and am pretty proud of it iouytfdxfcguiouyfdxfcghujiohftd #i hope to post the second chapter before the end of the year!#okay look. i'm SO CLOSE to having posted 100k words on ao3 this year and i really want to reach that haha #i feel like i haven't really gotten to write a lot this year so it's a goal of mine because i suck lol

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bcdluckstumblcd · 20 days

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//I'm making my way through my long posts. I should have everything finished and out by Friday. (i got my car taken then got hurt lmaooo so i lowkey had to disappear for a sec but i am here and i wanna do short things/maybe build up some threads so !! hit that heart and i'll write a lil starter or i'll throw Jin in your inbox with a meme you recently retweeted (if you prefer that lemme know with a comment <3

#//pretty sure my foot is....badly fractured it hurts like heeeellllll oop #i've got three LONG replies done already and one more to finish then i'll post them all cause i just want to lmaooo #//anyway life has been rough but imma meet hawks' va wearing a twice sweatsuit yeet #okay enough tags! ummm hit that heart or something let's WRITE together #or come in my messages to plot or discord! you're more than welcome!#🎭|| starter call #🎭|| photoshop handsome {ooc}

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sibillascribbles08 · 1 year

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Regardless of What Happens

Whaaat it’s 2023 what if I wrote some Bad Future Jasonnie

Gonna just go ahead and give the heads up for implied sexual content and offscreen canon character death. I’m gonna get crunchy with it like I haven’t already with literally every other bad future thing I write.

Even if the conversation ended with another joke from Leo and both of them laughing, dread still hung like a lead weight at the base of Donatello’s chest. It was such a risky plan, a miracle he even convinced Leo to go along with it. Hacking into Kraang tech, even with all his research he knew it could go backwards so fast. He may not be able to over power it.

In less than twenty-four hours he may not be alive anymore.

Dying didn’t entirely scare him. He accepted death a long time ago.

He just hated the idea of what he might leave behind.

He hadn’t discussed the plan with Mikey yet. He’d have to, or Leo would do it for him. He’d already talked about it with April which ended with them screaming at each other. He’d apologize later, but still announce he was going through with it. She may never forgive him. He understood that.

A lot of people might not forgive him if this idea failed. Including Mikey. Including Casey. Including Leo.

Including...

Donatello glanced in the main computer room. Jase sat in there, like he often did, water bottle in hand as he scrolled through recent drone data. The purple dragons had become allies not long after the invasion started, though there was a ton of friction between them for a while. The need to survive eventually came around to friendship, despite how much Donnie would still bicker with them all from time to time. They didn’t do much field work, but their work with the programming and tech was a life saver on many occasions. It kept some of the workload off Donatello and meant they had backups if something happened to him.

And Jase knew Donnie’s tech better than any of them. Not long after becoming friends, Jase quit following at Kendra’s heels and often turned to Donatello instead. Late nights working on tech became so routine that, even on their nights off, they’d often hole up in each others rooms just to talk.

Donatello often denied the feelings that developed from that. After losing Raph, the idea of letting it become anything more terrified him. Because something could happen to Jase, or something could happen to him, and wouldn’t that just make the loss all the more painful.

But then again...

“How long are you just going to stand there staring?”

Donatello straightened up and glanced at Kendra who stood next to the door now. Right, she was also in the computer room. He absolutely hadn’t been paying attention.

“Lost in thought.” He crossed his arms and met her glare before sparing a glance in Jase’s direction. He turned in his chair, eyebrow raised, but then soon got back to work.

Kendra followed his gaze. “Uh huh, one guess to what you’re thinking about.” She flicked him on the nose.

Donatello snapped at her hand. “Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

She gave him a smirk when she rolled her eyes, then turned her head. “Hey Jeremy, wanna go get a snack?”

Jeremy leaned up from his work. “Huh? But we--”

Kendra must have given him a look because he suddenly straightened up. “Oh, yeah, sure, you want us to bring you something Jase?”

Jase just gave them a non-committal hum and kept scrolling.

Kendra’s smirk remained on her face as she stepped past Donatello and then shoved him through the doorway. He clenched his fists, about to try and insult her when the door closed in his face.

What was the big idea?

She couldn’t possibly know could she?

Donatello chose to ignore it for the time being as he walked up behind Jase’s chair, looking over the screen himself. All activity normal, from the look of things. A nice reprieve from how things were less than a week ago. Still, he didn’t trust it to last. Quiet moments like this often meant the Kraang were poking around for a weak point to strike. They’d learned to grow patient when the war lasted more than one Earth year.

Jase finally got to the bottom and turned away from the screen. “You need something, Donnie?”

He opened his mouth, then closed it, trying to search for the words. It seemed like a bad idea to just start with the whole “hey I might be dying tomorrow” topic.

Jase studied his face for a second before standing. Not like it did much. All these years and Jase barely gained another inch while Donatello sprouted up over a foot and a half. Jase didn’t even reach his shoulders now.

“Donnie?” Jase tilted his head. “Everything okay?”

“I...” He ground his teeth together for a second. “No. Not entirely.”

“What’s wrong? The drones aren’t reporting anything worth noting.”

“It’s not them it’s...” His arms tightened across his chest. He really didn’t know where to begin with this. “I finally got Leo to approve of a desperate plan of mine.”

Jase’s eyes went wide, only to narrow a second later. “What kind of desperate plan?”

He ground his teeth again, unable to meet his gaze. “I’m going to try and hack into Kraang tech.”

“What?” Jase snapped, trying to stand on his toes just to get closer. “Donnie, I know you’re joking. We talked about that dozens of times before. Even if it’s possible the risk is--”

“I know what the risk is.” Donatello snapped. “But look at us, Jase. Ever since Casey--Cassandra dropped our numbers keep dwindling. All our plans are coming up empty. People who were once our allies keep getting turned on us. If I can make this work it could change everything.”

“And if it doesn’t work?” Jase’s voice cracked and he finally grabbed Donatello’s coat in order to pull him down. “What happens to you then? You also just become one of their pawns? They could--”

“I’m aware.” Donatello took in a shaky breath. “That’s why Leo’s going to be there. So if I fail he can--”

“Are you serious!?”

“Jase--”

“No. No.” Jase shoved him back. “I’m not letting you do this.”

God damn it, this was going about as well as his talk with April did. “Jase, we’re running out of options.”

“That doesn’t mean we should jump straight to something like this. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me the statistics of you getting out of this alive.”

Donatello tried to turn his gaze, but he couldn’t hold it. Rather than focusing on Jase’s eyes--so dark brown they were almost black--it kept moving to his messy hair, or the scar on his ear, or the thin line of stubble that made it clear he hadn’t bothered shaving in a few days.

“Donnie.” Jase insisted.

Donatello took a deep breath and forced his eyes to focus. “About seventeen percent.”

“That’s nothing. You can’t be serious. I’m not letting you do this until you can at least get that number higher.”

“We don’t have time for that.”

“You’re just giving up, aren’t you?” Jase’s voice crack again. “That’s what this is.”

Air got caught in Donatello’s throat before he could deny that.

“I’m not stupid, Donnie. I’ve picked out the things you’ve said over all those late night conversations. You’ve thought this war was pointless for years. That if--”

“If it lasted more than a year, we had no chance of winning. I know.” Donatello snapped back. “But I kept going, didn’t I? If I wanted to give up I would have years ago but I didn’t because...”

Because Raph. Because Mikey. Because Leo. Because April. Because Cassandra and now Casey. Because...

Gods, he knew why they were all so upset with this idea. He knew why they kept trying to convince him otherwise. How could he possibly explain to them that he wasn’t scared of dying if it gave them all the chance to turn this whole thing around. The only thing he was scared of was...

He reached out and held Jase’s faced in his hands, so suddenly that his friend’s sharp anger gave way to shock.

“Jase, I’m so sorry.” His breaths felt so unsteady, like he’d forgotten how to do it, like there just wasn’t enough oxygen in the air.

“For what?” Jase bit his lip to keep his voice from stuttering. “For being an idiot?”

“Yes.” The word barely left his lips when he exhaled. Then he pulled Jase into a kiss.

His friend went rigid under his grip, and he thought, briefly, that maybe this had been a very stupid idea.

Then arms were being thrown around his neck and Jase kissed him back, hard. The sudden tug almost had Donatello stumbling forward, so he responded by moving his hands and lifting Jase off the ground.

The motion forced them apart, but only for the length of a breath. Now looking down at him, Jase kissed him again, somehow even harder than the first time. Teeth and lips pinched together. Jase’s hands couldn’t seem to find a place to settle as they ran over Donatello’s cheeks to the back of his head, constantly bumping into his goggles. He was about to toss the damn things to the side. Not close enough. Somehow they weren’t close enough.

He tugged that thought back. A sliver of logic managed to slip through the haze that rapidly took over his brain. He pulled away from this kiss, and Jase started to follow him before he must have also regained his senses.

His cheeks, already bright red, somehow got darker as the color spread to the tips of his ears.

“Oh my god.” Jase’s hands moved to Donatello’s shoulders. “What am I doing?”

Donatello couldn’t help but smirk. “I thought that was obvious.”

Jase managed a glare as he lightly smacked the side of his goggles. “Don’t be such a smart ass, Von Ryan. What are you doing? What are we doing?”

“Well, I was kissing you.” Donatello dropped his grip just a bit so the pair of them were at eye level. “Because, I confess, I’ve wanted to for a few years now even if I tried to pretend I didn’t.”

Jase breathed out a laugh. “Huh, I guess we really are doing the same thing.” He leaned close, peppering kisses from the corner of Donatello’s mouth up his cheek. “I just always figured I wasn’t... That you were so far out of my league...”

Donatello snorted and turned his head to meet his lips. “So smart but so stupid sometimes. Out of your league? Really?”

“Shut up and just look at yourself.” Jase kept kissing him. “The most brilliant mind of our time, strong, tall, gorgeous--”

“Oh?” Donatello raised an eyebrow. “You think so?”

“Don’t sound so smug.” Jase shot him a glare before his hand ran up Donatello’s neck and then rested on his cheek. His thumb pressed against the corner of the turtle’s mouth before tugging his lip down. “But yes.”

Oh. Oh. That finally made a lot more sense. “Wait, is that why you kept staring at my mouth whenever I grinned at you?”

“What can I say? I like ‘em sharp.”

“You’re such a freak.”

“Takes one to know one.”

Donatello tried to lean in for another kiss, but Jase’s hand held him back.

“But jokes and flirting aside,” his tone shifted. “This better not be some stupid confession made because you know you aren’t making it out of this stupid scheme of yours.”

“Um... not entirely?” He tried to smile. “I just... I denied it for so long because after losing Raph it felt like... Like if I let myself have this I’d just be asking for it to get ripped away from me.”

“So you decided to do that to me instead.”

The impact of those words hit him so hard he almost dropped Jase on the floor. The lead weight in his chest dropped to his stomach. “I...”

“You’re such a bastard.” Jase mumbled as he kissed Donatello again. “Such a bastard and I love you. I don’t want to lose you.” His voice cracked again. A sob briefly escaped before he took a deep breath to tug all of it back in. “And I also hate myself for not saying anything sooner. I hate myself for not even being friends sooner. I hate that it took the world ending for us to become friends. I hate...” Another shaky breath. “I hate thinking that if this never happened, if the world was peaceful, would we still hate each other? Would we still be enemies? I don’t... I don’t know what world I’d prefer to live in if that’s the case.”

Donatello studied Jase’s face, once again his mind screaming that they weren’t close enough.

“I want us both to survive this.” Jase pressed their foreheads and their noses together. “I want us to win and try to get back to some kind of normal life again. I want the two of us to... I want...”

Another firm kiss, and this time when Donatello returned it, Jase moaned. Nails lightly scrapped against the back of Donatello’s neck, making him shiver. Jase parted his lips and Donatello followed suit.

Not close enough. Not close enough.

Jase barely moved away when he stopped, breath brushing past Donatello’s cheek when he spoke. “Your room or mine?”

The haze in his brain returned ten fold, but that sliver of logic fought to stay on the surface. “Are you sure about that? We--”

Jase’s hands practically slapped against his cheeks before he smooshed Donatello’s face. “I know I’m not going to stop you from doing this stupid, idiotic, reckless idea of yours. And if this really is some stupid, last minute, desperate confession then let me have this. Your room or mine.”

He said that last sentence so forcefully that the sliver of logic finally vanished in the haze. Donatello barely kept himself from pinning Jase to the nearby desk. “Yours.”

---------------------

Donatello must have dozed off. Not too surprising, considering the past few sleepless nights due to the stress and well... what just happened.

Jase lay curled up under his arm, pressed against his chest, not quite asleep but definitely not all awake either.

Donatello didn’t want to move. He really didn’t want to move. He at least allowed himself another few quiet seconds, pressing his nose to Jase’s forehead.

But then he rolled over, looking for wherever he placed his gauntlet on the nearby desk to check the time.

Yeesh, it’d almost been two hours since he and Jase first started talking back in the main computer room. He couldn’t waste too much time laying around. He had to prep some things before tomorrow. He had to talk to Mikey, and April, and--

Jase shifted behind him. Then two arms wrapped around his stomach as his friend--boyfriend--pressed up against his shell.

“You’re not leaving, are you?” Jase mumbled.

“Not yet.” Donatello left the gauntlet next to the pillow as his hand rested on Jase’s wrist. “But I can’t stay here all afternoon.”

Jase tightened his grip. “Will I see you again tonight?”

Donatello wiggled himself loose, just enough to roll back over. “Most likely.”

“Good.” Jase kissed him on the collar, then the throat. “I’m not done with you yet.”

Donatello smirked. “Hm, dare I ask what that means.”

“Use your imagination.” Jase trailed a few more kisses, but slowed to a stop. “You are going to try, right? To stay alive, I mean.”

“Of course I am. But you know me. I have to be realistic. No matter how hard I try it may not...”

He didn’t finish the thought, couldn’t. Instead he reached up to hold Jase’s face, making sure his boyfriend was looking at him. “Regardless of what happens, I love you. No matter where I end up, I love you. One way or another, I’ll see you again. And one way or another, I’ll be sure to leave you a part of me you can carry with you.” He sealed that promise with a quick kiss.

Jase looked at him, almost star struck, before it fell back to his usual smirk. “Wow, where did you find that sappy piece of dialogue?”

“Oh shush.” Donatello smiled back at him as he tugged the pillow down over Jase’s head. Not a very comfy one, full of old clothes they’d scavenged for, but better than rocks.

A beep from his gauntlet had to ruin the moment. He rolled over to check it again, knew it was an incoming call from the noise. Leo.

Donatello forced himself to sit up and snapped the gauntlet back on his wrist before answering it. “Yes, Leo?”

“Donnie, where are you? I’ve been looking all over the base for you. Main computer room says you’re still in here.”

“I am.” He wiped his eyes. “I’m in Jason’s quarters.”

His brother’s silence made him realize what he just said. His palm slapped against his forehead.

“Wait. Is that why Kendra is insisting I owe her ten dollars?”

“Huh?” Donatello shouted into the gauntlet and saw Jase trying to hide himself under the covers. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh my god, oh my god, no. I swore up and down you two would never--”

“You had a bet?”

“Dude, half the family does. I should get your own recordings and show you just how you two constantly stare at each other. Like, fifty times I swore I was going to vomit.”

“Okay, where are you?” Donatello tossed the covers off his legs and started to scramble for his clothes. “I’m coming to kick your ass right now.”

“Hang on, I have to give Kendra ten dollars before you do.”

“Nardo!”

-------------------

Jason didn’t know what he expected.

It was late a night when he saw Donnie again. He looked lost, then frustrated, then lost all over again. Evidently talking about the plan with the others didn’t go over too well. Part of Jason hoped that would discourage Donnie from trying it.

It didn’t.

So Jason clung to him like it was the last night on Earth, like if his lips left his, he would suffocate. Words were whispered back and forth, so quietly, but he remembered every one of them.

“I’m so sorry for doing this to you.” Donnie mumbled at one point. “I’m still not sure what’s worse. Telling you now at the risk of leaving, or you never knowing at all.”

At the time, he didn’t have an answer to that.

He didn’t think too hard afterwards, drifting off to sleep, because he assumed he’d see Donnie one more time in the morning.

But when he woke up, his arm reached out to find nothing. He groaned and sat up, opening his eyes to still find nothing. Just crumpled sheets and something round and grey sitting next to the pillow.

Jason fumbled for his glasses and put them on. Damn lenses that would never be clean again. They couldn’t spend the resources making fancy new ones.

He could see the object more clearly now. A simple speaker with one button on it. Donnie often used them to leave messages when bases had to be abandoned, leaving coded messages for other resistance members to follow.

But why was it here?

Jason swallowed before giving into his curiosity and hitting play.

“Regardless of what happens, I love you.” The words from yesterday afternoon played back to him. “No matter where I end up, I love you. One way or another, I’ll see you again. And one way or another, I’ll be sure to leave you a part of me you can carry with you.”

Jason stared at the speaker in his hand.

Is this what he meant when he said that?

Suddenly an uneasy feeling twisted in his stomach.

He scrambled out of bed and put on his uniform. With everything ready he sprinted out of his quarters and towards the main computer room. No one else was inside yet, too early perhaps? He hadn’t even looked at the time. He wouldn’t. Vitals. He needed to check vitals. His palm swiped across the screen until it showed the correct list.

One of them was flatlined.

One of them was--

He hit the play button.

“Regardless of what happens, I love you.”

He hit it again.

“Regardless of what happens, I love you.”

Jason swallowed back the lump in his throat and forced his gaze to move over to the name next to the unwavering thread of life.

Again.

“Regardless of what happens, I love you.”

“Regardless of what happens--”

What happened?

Jason took off again. Leonardo. He had to find Leonardo if he was in the base. He’d know exactly what happened, right?

Did Jason even want an answer to that?

Most of the cave tunnels remained empty. Sometimes he passed by some rooms where people lingered, but none of them called after him.

He kept moving. Heading for the med bay. That’d be a logical place to look, right? He saw the doorway to it, saw April standing inside with her back turned. He opened his mouth to call out to her when his chest struck something metal. He would have fallen back if the culprit hadn’t caught him.

His hands rested on Leonardo’s prosthetic before he glanced at the turtle. His eyes were red, cheeks damp, but his expression was firm.

“Leo.” Jason tried to catch his breath. “What-- What happened? Where is he?”

Leonardo flinched, but his gaze only faltered for a second. “Jase trust me you don’t...” He swallowed. “You don’t want to go in there right now.”

“What happened?” He demanded as he pulled free. “What--” Only now with this distance did he get a good look at Leo’s sword. The red mask on the hilt was now perfectly complimented by the deep red stains that still lined the blade.

He felt so numb. Static formed in his palm where the recording pressed against it and slowly traveled up to his shoulder. This couldn’t be real. Maybe he was just having a nightmare. Any minute now he’d wake up in the real world and Donnie would still be right next to him, whispering a proper goodbye before he headed out on this doomed mission.

“Did he even try?” Jason choked the words out.

Leonardo grit his teeth, clearly struggling to speak for a second. “He gave it everything he had. It just wasn’t... enough.”

And what could he even say to that? The devastation was plain on Leo’s face. It’d probably be plain on April’s as well, and Mikey’s and even young Casey. Jase knew he wasn’t the only one being crushed by this, he never was when other reports of lost members came flooding in after a mission. He never was when he and his team watched those flat lines crop up one by one. In some ways this one should hardly be any different but the pins and needles in his arm hurt.

“Jase?” Leonardo took a step toward him. “Jase, I’m sorry--”

Why was he apologizing? This wasn’t his fault. It was Donatello’s stupid, stupid plan.

“Look, you should--”

As soon as the turtle reached out, Jason flinched backwards. His hand tensed around the device, causing him to hit the play button once more.

“Regardless of what happens, I love you.”

Leonardo’s eyes went wide.

“No matter where I end up, I love you.”

“Jase... where did you--”

“One way or another, I’ll see you again.”

Leo’s shoulders went tense before his left hand covered his face, clearly trying to hide his tears.

“And one way or another.”

Jason took off in the opposite direction. He couldn’t be doing this to Leo, shouldn’t be. The recording already wrenched his own heart in two, just what was it doing to Donatello’s twin?

“I’ll be sure to leave you a part of me you can carry with you.”

Jason kept going, all the way back to his quarters where he slammed to the door shut before sliding down onto the floor.

He hit the button again.

“Regardless of what happens, I love you.”

He double tapped this time, rewind.

“I love you.”

Again.

“I love you.”

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Jason failed to hold back his sob this time, loud enough that it drowned out the rest of the recording as it played from his hand.

“I’m still not sure what’s worse. Telling you now at the risk of leaving, or you never knowing at all.”

Jason still didn’t have an answer to that. Was one truly worse than the other?

Or did they just hurt in different ways.

Again.

“Regardless of what happens, I love you.”

#scribbly fics #jasonnie #rottmnt #uuuh wow oops this got long #maybe I should cross post it to AO3 #not tonight tho #there's some gaps in here but I mostly just wanted to focus on these two #so you don't get the additional devastation of donnie arguing with april and mikey F #ofc donnie left recordings for everyone else #they just haven't found them yet #me has two characters confess and then kills one of them #hee hoo #if you've read my fic about how donnie dies you already know what happens to him #not pretty !

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