#this dialog would also fit every vampire

[periodcostumefantasylover]

#shadow and bone #the darkling #ben barnes #aleksander morozova #alina starkov #shadowandboneedit #grishaverse #perioddramaedit #jessie mei li #the definition of a immortal being in the world of men #this dialog would also fit every vampire #is it wrong that i want to punch alina for her general coldness in this season? #when you think about all that aleksander has been through

[fang-and-feather]

by  @xxsycamore and @queengiuliettafirstlady

Day 2 - Angels and Demons AU and Day 5 - Forbidden Love AU

Time with You

Ikemen Vampire - Shakespeare x Vincent

This wasn't on my initial plans for this event. It was supposed to be a project for next month, but I was surprisingly inspired and finished this way early - most like got my burst of inspiration interrupted but realized it still fit this event's prompts and thought it complete enough to fit with most of my fics for this event, a small scene of a much bigger project I may or may not write in full in the future.

First time actually writing a M/M fic without, even if background, polyamory (although my first plan was a triad fic with MC that I still plan on writing next month). It had to be an AU as far removed from canon as I could (and yet not enough) but I managed to do it.

This is one of the pairings suggested to me months ago that I never took for a test-drive fic, but this specific instance was inspired by @yanderepuck.

Despite the dramatic prompts this scene is just a short bit of fluff.

Also first time writing Will. Getting him and especially his dialog in character is still a work in progress (especially with how sleepy I was while editing it)...

AO3 Link / IkeVamp Masterlist / General Masterlist

Will looked over at Vincent, who’d fallen asleep snuggled up to him, and combed his fingers through the angel’s golden locks.

Maintaining a physical manifestation like they did required regular rest, which he was sure Vincent hadn’t been getting while he worked on one more of his art projects.

Will was much the same sometimes, when deeply focused on his craft, so he understood.

He enjoyed the simple act of having Vincent by his side like this. Every moment they had together was precious. When had he fallen so helplessly in love?

“To think someone like thee could capture mine heart in such a way. How mine darkened soul craves the warmth of thy light, and I wish to trap thee hither with me, far from these misguided angels.”

Placing a soft kiss on Vincent’s forehead, Will shifted enough to pick him up and carry him to bed. Vincent was slightly taller, but his body was light. But when Will tried to set him down, Vincent woke up.

“Will?” Vincent tried to blink away sleep as he sat up, Will sitting by his aide. He looked around, confused, before realizing where he was. “Oh. I’m sorry, Will. I was the one who visited you, yet I was napping.”

“Rest as thee needeth, Vincent. I don’t mind. I enjoy thy company either way. I wilt head to town and procure some ingredients so we can at least dine together and thee can sleep in the meantime.”

“No.” Vincent shook his head and rubbed his eyes. “I want to go shopping with you. I like when we can go out together. It’s just… sometimes I forget I need rest in this form, so…” Vincent smiled, sheepishly “do you mind if I sleep here with you tonight? I know I’ll rest well then.”

Will pulled Vincent closer and gently brought their foreheads together, then reached to caress his cheek.

“T’would beest mine pleasure to has’t thy company for the remainder of this day, Vincent. Nothing maketh me happier than the time we spendeth together. I would keepeth thee hither still, if only thee would allow me.”

Vincent laughed softly at it. He always did. But Will only spoke the truth.

“Will.” It was Vincent’s turn to touch him. Will always found these touches warm and soothing in ways he never imagined being touched could feel. “You don’t have to fear losing me.”

Will knew. Yet, it still bothered him greatly to know Vincent lived among the lost cases that were the other angels housed by the archangel known among humans as Saint-Germain.

Will had been one of them once. One of the stray angels Saint-Germain hoped to save. But he chose to follow his passions, even if it meant falling from grace.

“I knoweth so.” Or he would make sure so, against all odds. He pulled away and stood up, offering a hand to Vincent. “Shalt we headeth for a pleasant stroll together, then?”

Smiling, Vincent took his hand, lacing their fingers together.

“Of course.”

They would have to let go when they arrived at the city but, until then, they had the carriage ride to enjoy each other’s warmth. And even if they had to pretend to be just friends among humans, it was worth it just to have the other close enough for as long as they could.

IkeVamp Masterlist / General Masterlist

#different universe same love ccc #ikemen vampire #angels au #forbidden love au #ikevamp shakespeare #ikevamp vincent #shakespeare x vincent #ikevamp #fang's writing #fanfiction #ikevamp fanfic

[lilbreck]

ST:TOS 101- The Man Trap

Here’s the thing, if we’re not supposed to ship Kirk with McCoy and Spock, then they shouldn’t have done so many soft gaze/smolder close-ups of Shatner when he was looking at either men. I don’t remember that happening a lot with women. I guess we’ll see as the rewatch continues.

Either way, let us talk about the episode where McCoy brings the boys around to meet an old flame, and it does not go to plan. And I will be sneaking in a few of my old graphics, just because.

I’m showing this first shot just because I like to see Uhura up front occasionally as well as seeing Spock in the captain’s chair. Yes, I will add in a shippy cap later for those of you who ship it. The second shot is to show that there are some changes from The Cage, and one of them is that they upgraded their big screen TV.

During the rewatch, one of the funny moments is when my daughter glanced at the screen and was convinced that Starfleet was too cheap to get pants that fit. It took me too long to figure out where she was getting that idea.

In case you can’t see where she got the idea, she thought the phasers were pulling down the waistbands of Kirk and Darnell’s pants. I had to tell her that those were sash/holsters and not actually their midriffs showing.

My daughter felt the need to point out that these were not flowers, instead they were a sprig of wheat. But I do like that we get full on McKirk flirting. Yes, I will be spending this post talking about this particular ship. I cannot help it. It colors everything I see in this episode. For example:

McCoy sees Nancy as she was when he last saw her: 10 years younger than she should be. Darnell sees some random woman from a pleasure planet (and is very rude and disrespectful about how he announces it). Meanwhile, what does Kirk see?

He sees Nancy looking probably about the age she should be. Now, this could mean Kirk is attracted to distinguished looking women with greying hair… or he just really wants reassurance that McCoy isn’t going to leave him for someone younger and prettier. You can guess which one I choose to believe… though I wouldn’t argue against that other one either.

I will not be posting screencaps of it, but I am still disgusted that Kirk just reached into the dead man’s mouth. Apparently, in the future, no one knows better than to go around poking and proding dead bodies with their bare hands. I’ll ignore the question of how the fuck he knew there would be something in there given that he wasn’t shown to be looking at all, he just honed directly onto that poor guys mouth. I will also ignore how obvious it was that the actor was opening his mouth wider.

Side note: I’m impressed with how commited they are to making sure everyone in the outdoor scenes looks like they’re fresh out of a sauna except, it seems, for “Nancy.” I’m wondering if that’s just because it’s an actress, or because the character is a freaking salt vampire. My daughter said “both.”

One of these is strictly for the Spock/Uhura shippers, while the other is for me because both drama and damn but Nichelle is stunning in every scene:

When McCoy finally figures out that Darnell died from a sudden loss of salt, the follow scene occurs that I love:

I love it both because of how flirty Kirk gets with McCoy as well as the faces McCoy makes and the way he says “error.” Also, poor Spock stuck in the corner forced to watch as these two idiots flirt with each other next to a dead body. You know, I think I need to figure out the coloring I used on this set because I think I like it better.

Yes, this is actual dialog from the show. It makes sense in context, but still… Also, this next one is just for me:

This is the bit that really bothers my daughter:

Not only does Rand grab a piece of celery and take a bite, she also just puts it back and carries on like it came that way. Is Sulu just supposed to be eating after her? Are they really that close? While I don’t love that they had Rand being ogled earlier in this scene, or the fact that she’s essentially a glorified go-fer (my daughter isn’t happy about that either), I do enjoy this scene. Only half the reason is because that plant is just a freaking person wearing a decorated glove.

I just needed to put these together to ask… why does the salt vampire have to come across as a bit creepy? I get that it’s just biting its knuckle… but still, it’s screaming “I shouldn’t be trusted alone with anyone.”

Yes, I figured out what coloring I used, or, more specifically, what coloring I skipped. I could go back and redo all the caps, but I’m too lazy for that. I will redo this one for the Spock/Uhura shippers, though:

This set is for me and any other McCoy/Kirk shippers:

Apparently, the salt vampire isn’t just in it for the salt. It needs that lurve.

You need to understand, one of the things this show is loved for is the ridiculous physical aspects. What do I mean by that? Why, the odd version of zigzag running that Kirk does. It wouldn’t actually keep him from getting shot, but it is amusing to watch how his lower half moves much more than his upper half. Also, I just really like how this set makes it look like Spock is trying to take Kirk alive if you don’t have the context.

Obviously more happens in this episode, but there are two things that I think actually matter:

I get that Kirk is supposed to be frozen/hypnotized, but the salt vamp is moving extremely slow. It adds up to make it look like they’re competing for most campy actor in scene award. The second cap… It’s hilarious because, not only is it very obvious that neither actor makes contact with the other, but it also looks like Spock is holding an invisible bat.

End of episode tallies (details by daughter)

UNPROFESSIONAL BEHAVIOR: 04 (Darnell’s unnecessary comment about the pleasure planet, Uhura overtly flirting with Spock, Rand stealing a singular bite of Sulu’s lunch, Starfleet crew overtly ogling Rand. The salt vampire, not being Starfleet, is exempt from this counter.)

Starfleet Are Cheapskates: 01 (McCoy has no blanket :()

Reasons Why Enterprise Needs a Counselor: 01 (McCoy had to kill a creature that looked like a woman he cares for)

Early Episode Weirdness: 01 (Spock claims Vulcan has no moon)

Final thoughts:

Me: It's got enough cheese to keep me happy with enough McKirk flirting to keep me coming back for more.

Daughter: It's a much better introduction to the series than The Cage. It's also very cheesy in a fun way.

#star trek #star trek: the original series #tonya watch along #star trek: tos

[facelessxchurch]

What we’re your thoughts about the book?

Some asks were answered already in this post already so I just smacked those asks in here at the part where I talk about the topic in question, which is why the answer may not 100% fit the question.

Massive “Seasons of War” spoilers below the cut:

First off, of all, this book read like GoT/any zombie movie ever. With the necromancers being like the white walkers, Vile is the night king and daugar are the wights. even with the necromancers crumbling away after Vile got killed Tell me I’m not the only one seeing that.

I think there was a lot of fanservice and some confirmed headcanons in the book, which I really liked. Saracen magic got revealed, there was a return to the Leibniz dimension, the Vile vs Vile fight so many wanted finally happened (tho that was kinda underwhelming) and the Dead Men returned which I’m sure made a lot of people happy. 

Ravel poisoning Saracen during the war and Vile being so powerful bc of being dead were two popular headcanons that got confirmed. And I am personally so happy that this book killed the ‘there is no sarcasm in the Leibniz dimension’ headcanon bc I bloody hated that.

Finally, Landy tries to please the old fans instead instead of what feels like purposefully pissing them off. I guess the phase 2 book sales weren’t that great so far (nice try blaming it on the pandemic, but no). 

I’m also glad that the romance in this book was kept to a minimum bc The Val/Militsa kiss in the beginning, yikes, fanfiction has better written kisses than that. And the the dialog for the lesbian love triangle (bc for some reason Ms.Wicked aka Laura’s self insert is Militsa’s ex??) was cringy and stiff as hell, it felt more like first graders trying to do a dramatic play and not natural at all.

Surprisingly enough Mevolent’s and Serafina’s relationship seems to be the most healthy and romantic in the entire series and I have no idea if that was on purpose or if Landy just has twisted views on relationships.

I however am actually kinda happy with how Mev was written. He was sympathetic and charismatic, tho some of the stuff he did doesn’t fit to they way he’s characterised when he’s on screen (I know he is probably lying 90% of the time he speaks, but still). Like, banning all languages apart from English doesn’t seem like something a man who cares about culture, literature and art would do. It also seems kinda stupid bc those languages will be forgotten eventually and if they need an old text translated no one will be able to do it. Also, why English? Isn’t Mev old enough that his first/original language should be Gaelic? So weird. I have the feeling this was mainly done so Valkyrie (and with that the audience) can understand what the people on the continent are saying bc I very much doubt she understands/speaks any languages apart from English. 

But I loved that Mev was also shown as insanely smart. He managed to outsmart Val multiple times. And I love how he doesn’t need his magic to fight, how quick and agil and skilled he is. So I take it that his fighting style is more based on agility and not getting hit, and he uses brute force only when forced into it (by Darquesse/the Unnamed). I was wondering about that bc his armor is made of leather and chainmail instead of metal plates which is considered light armor and not something a tank type of fighter would wear.

What really rubbed me the wrong way tho was when he was talking Tanith and Skul and more or less stated the war wasn’t a challenge anymore ever since Skul died. Or when he was talking to Val being like ‘you’re more powerful than I could ever hope to be’.It bothers me even more knowing that Val is based on girlfriend!Laura. Does really everyone and everything in-vers, even a big bad like Mev, rub Skul’s/Landy’s and Val’s/Laura’s ego? Big yikes.

Crespular Vies is surprisingly fun. At first I thought the two men going after the Obsidian Blade were hired by the Unnamed, but since that wasn’t the case, I think Crespular Vines hired them that so he could show up in time to save Omen and his friends. I think him opening up to Omen about being Skul’s former partner came too unprompted, too quickly and that he is trying to gain Omen’s trust so he can get close to Skul through him. I think another giveaway that that’s the case is bc one of the men Omen had to meet to get his brother back wore a Cleaver outfit and Vies gave that man probably the same reasoning Omen gave him.

That said Omen’s chapters were surprisingly enjoyable. By what I had heard of others I expected a sad sack that can’t fight worth a damn. 

I’m not found of the Temper/Kierre stuff, it came out of nowhere.

Val is overpowered AF, it seems that she can get on Darquesses level with more practise/learning how to keep the doors open. She certainly needs to be nerfed.

Also I skipped the Darquesse chapters bc I’m giving negative fucks about her and the plague doctor.

The last 10% of the book were too rushed and felt like half finished thoughts.

Also I was kinda really bothered by the citizen of the Leibniz dimension. They were cartoonishly racist and it was very pretty black and white for the most part AKA everybody good is in the Resistance and all other sorcerers are evil/corrupt. That is also shown by there being children in the Resistance camp while there was no mention of children in the mage cities. In reality, most people are fairly mellow and it’s just a small percentage that is either really good or really wicked. I would have liked to see more racism towards mortals in form of apathy or ‘the soft bigotry of low expectations’ like I’ve seen it from Serpine in DotL. You know, make it a little less black and white.

Also, I understand the mermaids, but the bats in Europe were random AF. Like, I would understand it if they were just in Romania/Transylvania as a nod to the Dracula-typ vampire legends originating from there. As a plot-device they weren’t really needed to keep the protagonists from flying bc the danger of getting spotted by necromancer by doing so should be enough of a threat to keep them on the ground. This might seem nit-picky of me, but the bats just seemed so bloody random to me like wtf????

And also bc I’m a slut for magical creatures, I would have really liked to see more of them than just daugar and giant bats. Some undead cut together and resurrected necromancer experiments would have been pretty cool tbh. Like whatever the hell this is.

Something like zombie bears would have also been acceptable, I mean, bears are fucking terrifying on their own, let alone when undead and decaying.

I’m kinda pissed at China that she wanted Skul to kill Nef, but it does seem in character. Of course I still don’t like it bc I headcanon as Nef, Eliza and China having been besties during the war (no matter what canon says, I’m keeping that headcanon). I’m surprised Skul didn’t let Wreath have Nef considering that. Then again, he thought Nef might still be useful. And he was right. I loved how Nef actually had an essential part in saving the world by throwing the bomb. So proud of my boi <3 But Skul refused to kill him even after that. Could it be that Skul is finally getting character growth and development? 👀

Aaaand, China’s continuing to be a tyrant. With Tanith’s sense of justices flaring up shown when he killed the city governor, Erato, and Nef being shown to go after people that betray him (Lorien) I think those two are being set up to go after China to kill her (and to probably kill Creed too). Imagine Eliza joining the team bc she want a piece of China too.

I feel sorry for Baron, but at least he got a few speaking lines this time around. Still, I really wanted Nef to save him. :C Like, he suffered so much before he died too considering he spend a year alone starving and thirsty with broken legs in the middle of nowhere wft, why is Baron getting fucked over like this? #BaronDeservedBetter2020 he is the only honorable person of all faceless followers and he’s the one that gets screwed over in every book he shows up in, why tho- 😭

Speaking of Nef, I absolutely loved him in this book, he was a delight and stealing the show whenever he was on the page, despite being used as  punching bag through pretty much the entire book. If people have always treated him that way I can see why he turned evil jfc that poor man. Despite that, he was still being such a clever, funny and relatable bae <3 He’s described as ‘cynical, and nasty but also kinda cheerful’ and as liking to ‘needle’ people (aka trolling and roasting) by Val and that essentially describes every shitposter on the internet ever. And I so loved the way he roasted Saracen lmao

And how he’s so clever, like the Lorien part was my favourite scene closely followed by how Nef essentially talked Remus Crux into getting himself killed, just 👌 smart snek boi, I love him <3 Also I hope he keeps poisoning everybody thoughts against Skul like how he had already been doing it to Tanith, he’s poison in human form and that’s just my jam.

That obedience bracelet was kinda fucked up tho.

Why does this thing even exist? Aren't electro shocks or any other form of pain enough instead of shutting his nervous system down/rendering him completely defenceless? I feel like some messed up mage 100% used it to keep himself (sex) slaves at some point in time :/ Landy might have gotten that idea from some fucked up hentai. Even the implications of the name "obedience bracelet".... I can’t be the only one that got creepy perv vibes from that thing, right?

Btw what the fuck happened to Harmony? You know, Leibniz Serpine’s girlfriend. She hasn’t been mentioned again. Did she die? She didn’t seem too found of him in DotL, was she plotting against him and he found out about it, killed her and fled the Resistance? Or did she die prior to him leaving and it was part of the reason he left bc she was the only thing that had tied him emotionally to the Resistance?? Or Landy just forgot  she existed. I would not be surprised.

Of course my biggest issue with this book was how he retconned Nef’s magic and how he took his trademark, his red hand, away, but more about that in a different post.

TL;DR: Nef was a delight even though he was done dirty. Mev’s scenes were a 50/50 split between good and bad. I actually liked the Crespulare and Omen chapters. The Unnamed was a disappointment. The last 10% of the book were to rushed and the final fights that were supposed to be the biggest were underwhelming. The rest is meh, didn’t really care tbh. Let’s be real here, I only bought this book bc Nef played a bigger role in it, anyways.

#skulduggery pleasant #seasons of war #seasons of war spoilers #review #book review #I hate 'read more' #but this got so bloody long #RIP mobile users #long post #Anonymous #answered

[constant-questions]

13 - 31 🙏

Hi! Thanks for playing. Long post ahead. Here we go:

13. Describe your writing process.

- I don’t really have a process. Sometimes I just get in the mood and start writing. I listen to music a lot and get inspiration from that. I also do not write in a linear fashion. I actually have a “reading order” doc for one of my books. I write whatever has my interest at the moment and then make them fit later. 

14. What does it take for you to be ready to write a book? (i.e. do you research? outline? make a playlist or Pinterest board? wing it?)

- I have so many Pinterest boards! I go to them when I want to do productive writing things without actually writing. I also have several different folders on google docs that compile different things like characters, places, outfits, etc. But I really just wing it a lot.

15. How do you deal with self-doubt when writing?

- I don’t. lol. I make jokes and then don’t write for a while. 

16. Cover love/dream covers?

- I am not good at covers nor do I really know what I want. 

17. What things (scenes/topics/character types) are you most comfortable writing?

- I really like any and all dialog stuffs. 

18. Tell us about that one book you’ll never let anyone read

- So there’s this one story I wrote when I was like 15. It was a vampire type story. It was the longest story I wrote until recently, and despite the god awful writing, I still really like the concept. Maybe if I ever get up to rewriting it I’ll let someone read it. Until then, even I don’t want to read it. 

19. How do you cope with writer’s block?

- I go into my character folder on google docs and add more details to the characters whose story I am working on until I have an idea. 

20. Any advice for young writers/advice you wish someone would have given you early on?

- If you are in the mood to write, just start writing. Don’t worry about making sure every detail fits or everything is perfect. You can edit later. Editing while writing can kill the mood and make you lose your train of thought (especially while writing smut). 

21. What aspect of your writing are you most proud of?

- I am really proud of how I make all my characters fit together. I have worked really hard and long to make them all blend together nicely. 

22. Tell us about the books on your “to write” list.

- I have two books that I am writing currently, but they are of the same universe and have some overlap. One focuses on a girl named Sorina who is a masked fighter trying to liberate a very oppressed group of people with the help of 8 others (Together they are all called The 9). The other is the story of a girl named Callaway who is struggling, living in the group of oppressed people mentioned above. She has been trained since very young to be a call girl/ hit for hire. She eventually joins a group called The 13 Terrors (which are loosely based on the 7 deadly sins). They are in search of the leader’s head (he’s a dullahan/ horseman type dude).

23. Most anticipated upcoming books?

- Words can’t explain how excited I am for the above-mentioned books.

24. Do you remember the moment you decided to become a writer/author?

- I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. I have always used writing as an escape. 

25. What’s your worldbuilding process like?

- Questionable at best. haha. So I found this thing that has like 200 questions about your world. I try to answer those. I also use notebook.ai which I can’t recommend enough!

26. What’s the most research you’ve ever put into a book?

- I put a lot of research into all of my books. From fighting styles, to clothes, to weapons, to facial expressions, to wounds, to locations, to anything and everything in between. I’ve researched it all. 

27. Every writer’s least favorite question - where does your inspiration come from? Do you do certain things to make yourself more inspired? Is it easy for you to come up with story ideas?

- I scroll through Pinterest and look at dialog prompts until something gives me a good idea and then roll with that. I have so many story ideas, it’s crazy. I can’t ever write all of them, and I still come up with more. 

28. How do you stay focused on your own work and how do you deal with comparison?

- I have no focus whatsoever. It’s bad. I actually compare my own stuff to other books a lot. It doesn’t bother me. Comparing does not mean it’s the same. 

29. Is writing more of a hobby or do you write with the intention of getting published?

- Right now it’s more of a hobby, but I have always wanted to be published. 

30. Do you like to read books similar to your project while you’re drafting or do you stick to non-fiction/un-similar works?

- I love reading books that are similar. It helps get the ideas flowing. I also read a LOT of fanfiction.

31. Top five favorite books in your genre?

- The Name of the Wind (Patrick Rothfuss), Throne of Glass (Sarah J. Maas), A Court of Thorns and Roses (Sarah J. Maas), Vampire Academy (Rachelle Mead), Night Angel (Brent Weeks), and Nevernight (Jay Kristoff). Yes I know that was 6, fight me. 

[myupostsheadcanons]

Books “Read” in 2019

I am going to rank these by how much i enjoyed them vs. any actual literary quality. often well written books aren’t always the most entertaining books.

Note: i listen to many of these books at work, which is why i am able to go through so many of them in a year.

List from 2017 List from 2018

------- My Favs of the Year ----

Novels from The First Law:

Best Served Cold (#1), The Heroes(#3), Red Country(#4), Sharp Ends(#5).

A Little Hatred (#2) (Age of Madness, sequel to The First Law)

I read “The First Law Trilogy” about a year or two ago and finally got around to reading the rest of the books, just in time for a new series taking place in the same world to start up (Age of Madness) and now i am waiting like everybody else for the next two books to come out in 2020 and 2021. A Little Hatred shouldn’t be read as a stand alone, a lot of what goes on is dependent mainly on knowledge from the first trilogy and in The Heroes, then bits and pieces from Best Served Cold and Red Country. So much of your enjoyment of each book is based on what you’ve learned in other ones (character development or seemingly useless information being not so useless later).

Age of Legend (Book 4,  Legend of the First Empire)

This is more-or-less an “aftermath” book where the main characters are still reeling about what happened in the previous book and are trying to make plans for what they are going to do next. I still like the characters and the world/setting it takes place in.

House of Assassins (Saga of the Forgotten Warrior, Book 2)

I’ve been waiting for the next book in this series to come out the second i finished the first book in the series. It is one of those Science fiction in the disguise of Fantasy settings and I am on the edge of my seat waiting to see how that plot/revelation comes out (I am certain that the location the story takes place is Earth, more specifically around Asia/India, but in a post-invasion apocalypse setting where nobody remembers anything prior to the invasion). I also really like how much of a badass Ashok is... i have a thing for emotionally stunted badass characters, especially when their flaws are held up to a mirror and have real consequences.

R. R. Haywood’s Worldship Humility & Extinct (Extracted, Book 3)

I love the way Haywood writes characters and dialog. I was at-first iffy about WSH, but was won over after i warmed up to the new characters.

Shades of Magic Trilogy (A Darker Shade of Magic, A Gathering of Shadows, A Conjuring of Shadows)

Solid multi-verse and magic system world. Well-written characters, some minor nitpicks on plot points, but can be easily ignored. LGBTQ rep, the gays don’t stay buried.

“Don’t you have enough [knives]?” “You can never have too many.” [me, every time: LOL]

One of the few times when a character deserves a redemption arc, doesn’t really get one, dies, and i am perfectly fine with it because it is done well.

Assassin’s Fate (Fitz and the Fool, Book 3)

I read this one in book-book form, but i already knew most of the emotionally painful parts of the book by spoiling it to myself when it first came out a couple years ago. The main appeal is the inner monologues of the two main characters, even if like 50% of this trilogy is basically spending weeks/months trying to go from Point A to Point B, when many other books would have glossed over the details of travel.. but you can really feel the stress as they dwell in their thoughts and struggles.

Madeline Miller’s The Song of Achilles & Circe

Re-Imagining of the Iliad and The Odyssey. Focusing not on the characters of Achilles or Odysseus, but on Petroclus (Achilles’ lover) and Circe the sea nymph witch that Odysseus had an affair and child with.

The Spear of the Stars (Cycle of Galand, Book 5)

Still love Dante and Bleys... This is where they really get into the meat of world building and solving the mysteries of the Arawn Cycle (the book/bible) and peel back the layers of their reality.

Dust (Silo Book 3)

A great ending to a good series, it answers whether or not humanity can or has survived what had caused them to be locked away in the silos.

Blackthorn and Grim (Dreamer’s Pool, Tower of Thorns, Den of Wolves)

I like the premise of the books, the two main characters first seeking out revenge, but end up wanting to become better people due to magic shenanigans.... One part Fantasy, One Part Mystery, One Part Lovestory.

The Dispatcher (Audible Free Book) 

I want a whole series based off this novella. It is John Scalzi so he can write a good story. I had previously read Android’s Dream by him, which it didn’t make it into my top-10 that year, but was still decent, even if the subject matter was a bit gross... The Dispatcher world is a Sci-Fi Noir, not quite Cyberpunk, where people don’t die by anything other than natural causes. The Dispatcher’s job is to kill people before something goes does wrong and the person “resets” to when they where safe and sound.

---- this is the “Above Average” Zone ----

All the Pretty Horses & Blood Meridian: Or the Evening Redness in the West

The master of bleak and depressing fiction. if regular Dark Fiction isn’t enough for you.... there is Cormac McCarthy books. Get use to the “purple prose” that fills up pages with no dialog.

The Golem and the Jinni

Supernatural world of the far past dealing with Edwardian New York and Immigration. It not only is a “fish out of water” story of the two main characters trying to fit in with society but they are among communities that are also new to America and trying to find their own place in the world. There are love subplots but most of those kind of fizzle out.

The Axe and the Throne: Bounds of Redemption Vol. 1.

“Discount First Law” book... it is lacking the dark humor that made TFL series far more entertaining.  This was also the book that was prefaced by warning people about how grim and dark the setting was... Hahahaha. I still found it entertaining none the less, and hope the rest would show up on audible soon.

Black Snow, White Crow (Audible Free Book) 

Another one of those short stories that should have a larger saga to its name. Fantasy Industrial Punk. It has the whole equality role reversal thing going on, it isn’t done quite as well as Left Hand of Darkness (but that book leaned onto the boring side of things).

Stephen King’s IT, Pet Semetary, and Carrie

It’s Stephen King. Classic King. Not much else to say.

Watership Down

Depressing Rabbit Book. Though I did like all the stories and mythology the rabbits had.

Bloody Acquisitions (Fred the Vampire Accountant, Book 3)

A series that is always fun to listen to. I wish the audio books were cheaper because they are rather short.

Lethal White (Cormoran Strike, Book 4)

shuddup, i don’t care if it is Rowling... i have a low-key crush on Cormoran.... he just hits that big-burly tragic-backstory man-shaped soft-spot of mine. These stories are also her “for adults” writings so...  expect more racism and garbage values.

The Eye of the World (Book 1, Wheel of Time)

Classic set up to a long running series, though i am reluctant to go further as the middling books in this series are said to drag out the story too much.... It’s not as self-centered as Wizard’s First Rule and the characters are more relatable and stick to their fantasy tropes. This is the “mold” that other modern fantasy try to subvert by going “darker and edgier.”

The Exorcist

If you like the movie, read the book. There is a lot of back story that the movie wasn’t able to adapt.

---- This is the “AVERAGE, but Still Good”  Zone ---

The Iliad and The Odyssey

Classics. I am still on the hunt for an unabridged version of Jason and the Argonauts story. I also have Virgil’s Aeneid in my wishlist to get too soon.

Phillipa Gregory’s Plantagonate Novels (The Lady of the Rivers, The Red Queen, White Queen, The Kingmaker’s Daughter)

Sometimes it is like reading the same book 5x in a row. other times you end up not liking the previous protagonist in a book you just finished reading because of how the current protagonist sees them from their POV.

Return of the King (Lord of the Rings, Book 3)

Read the other books last year and didn’t get around to this one for a few months.

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Fuck... I’m a janitor... why can’t i afford a house?   If you liked Stephen King’s “IT” go back and read this book.

Alien Franchise Dramatizations: Alien: Sea of Sorrows, Alien: The Cold Forge (Audible Free Book) Alien III (Audible Free Book)

I don’t mind that they all are done with a full cast. Though often I end up wanting to find the actual book and listen to them with just one narrator and descriptions.

The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe (Narnia, Book 1)

I would like to get the rest of the books in this series, but for books that are only 5-7 hours long they want 20$ a book for them. It needs to go into an omnibus.

Stephen Fry’s Victorian Secrets (Audible Free Book)

It’s Stephen Fry... he’s funny and a good narrator.

Wizard’s First Rule (Book 1, Sword of Truth)

I don’t like Richard. He started off alright, but even before he got tortured 2/3rds into the book, i was starting to dislike his personality.  Other than that, the side characters and world are solid, but it was like taking an R-rated movie and cutting it down for TV. There is somethings that are vaguely described when i am use to harder fiction like ASoIaF, The First Law, Dresden, and McCarthy books actually describing those things.

Halloween (2018, movie novel)

Like I said when i first read the book, it would’ve benefited by a second re-write before being published. But, i like the movie and so I liked the book.

Don Quixote

Another classic read. I did find it hilarious that the Author spent a good chunk of the second book complaining about Fanfiction of his own book... in the 1600′s.

The Princess Diarist

I listened this book instead of going to see TROS. worth it.

Smoke Gets in Your eyes: And other Lessons from the Crematorium

Non-Fiction, If you want to know the ins and outs of the funeral business and get told in an informative yet non-clinical way with lots of tidbits and history facts tossed in as well as a semi-autobiographical account of the Author’s life.

--- These Books are “Alright” ---

Frank L. Baum’s Wizard of Oz books

I ligit got into an argument with a 70yo man in a comic book shop about how Canon the other Oz books were post Baum’s death. He was looking for Oz comic books and I brought up reading the first 14 books, and he’s like “There’s over 100 of them” and i was all “but all those are written by somebody else.” and he got all “they are still canon...” 

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

If you want to know about the In//cel ideology in a classic literary form, this fits the bill. So much man pain.

A Christmas Carol (Tim Curry) (Audible Free Book)

Tim Curry, guys.....

The Poetic Edda (Norse God Mythology)

I listened this book twice. I bought two Edda books thinking I’d get some extra content, but no... same book just different production teams and readers. Returned the one with the worst translation.

Treasure Island (Audible Free Book, dramatization)

I need to read the actual book sometime, but i did like the cast and thought they did a good job.

Wally Roux, Quantum Mechanic (Audible Free Book)

A YA coming of age story about diversity and acceptance... with wacky science fiction. 

Carmilla (Audible Free Book, dramatization)

The vampire before Dracula. Victorian Lesbian love story.

Even Tree Nymphs get the Blues (Audible Free Book)

A novella from one of those “love on the Bayou” romance series with supernatural creatures. Could practically take place in the same world of either True Blood, Dresden, or Fred the Vampire Accountant.

Mystwick School of Musicraft (Audible Free Book)

Harry Potter lite. For 10yo girls.

A Grown-up’s Guide to Dinosaurs (Audible Free Book)

I like dinosaurs.

Rivals! Frenemies Who Changed the World (Audible Free Book, Dramatization)

Interesting way on telling us about the Fossil Wars and Puma vs. Adidas.

True-Crime from Audible: Body of Proof (Audible Free Book),   Midnight Son (Audible Free Book), The Demon Next Door (Audible Free Book), Killer By Nature (Audible Free Book)

Why is True-Crime or YA fiction the only halfway-decent things Audible is giving us? But yeah, these are basically the type of reporting that the two journalists from Halloween were trying to do. Where they go around and gather up information about semi-famous cases and present it in a Podcast-like format.

---- Meh... ---

Camp Red Moon (Audible Free Book)

Would’ve been better if they were actually written by R. L. Stein.

More Bedtime Stories for Cynics (Audible Free Book)

No... half of these aren’t written very well.

The Darkwater Bride (Audible Free Book, Dramatization)

The setting is nice, but it is far too .... Soap Opera Dramatic.

Junk (Audible Free Book)

A cross between Alien Invasion and Zombie outbreak, read by John Waters and written as if it was a bad version of a Philip K. Dick Novel.

Rip Off!! (Audible Free Book)

Most of them are duds and boring. I don’t even remember half of them without having to look them up. The two that stood out the most for me where the “Other Darren/Bewitched” and the “Dark and Stormy Night” stories, the rest were rather garbled.

--- Garbage... ---

Dodge and Twist (Audible Free Book, Dramatization)

No, you are not being edgy or kool.

Unread:

Siege Tactics (Spells, Swords, & Stealth. Book 4)

Triumphant (Genesis Fleet, Book 3)

Earthsea (Tehanu and Tales from Earthsea, i am going to re-listen to the first three before i get to these)

Into the Wilds (Warriors, Book 1)

Pout Neuf (Audible Free Book)

House of Teeth (Audible Free Book)

Viva Durant and the Secret of the Silver Buttons (Audible Free Book)

The Other Boleyn Girl (Phillipa Gregory)

#the first law #legend of the first empire #saga of the forgotten warrior #realm of the elderlings #a darker shade of magic #the song of achilles #john scalzi #r. r. haywood #Cycle of Galand #blackthorn and grim #myu reads #long post

[hope-for-olicity]

Crushing the romance stigma once and for all Romance novel sales tally in the billions of dollars every year. (That's right: billions. With a "b".) And still, literary critics and other various bookish snobs continue to malign the genre, loudly and with great disdain. Why is that? If you ask these folks, they'll tell you romance novels are nothing but badly written trash. So, y'all have read a bunch of romance novels before forming that opinion, I assume? ​Oh, no, they'll say, noses tipped heavenward. They don't read romance (with all the contempt in the world placed on the word "romance"). Huh. Now I'm confused. Why would people be so openly hostile to a genre they've never read? I think I can tell you why.​The romance stigma and genre misconceptions are so deeply ingrained in us as a society that we have trouble overlooking them, even with glaring examples to the contrary. Heck, even bestselling romance authors like Nicholas Sparks hesitate to admit they write romance. Mr. Sparks insists that he writes “love stories”. On his website, Sparks lays out the difference between “love stories” and romance as follows: “It’s equivalent to the difference between a "legal thriller" and a "techno-thriller." In that instance, both novels include many of the same elements: suspense, good and bad forces pitted against each other, scenes that build to a major plot point, etc. But aside from the obvious, those novels are in different sub-genres and the sub-genres have different requirements. For instance, legal thrillers generally have a court room scene on center stage, techno-thrillers use the world or a city as their setting. Legal thrillers explore the nuances of law, techno-thrillers explore the nuances of scientific or military conflict. ​ The same situation applies with romance novels and love stories. Though both have romantic elements, the sub-genres have different requirements. Love stories must use universal characters and settings. Romance novels are not bound by this requirement and characters can be rich, famous, or people who lived centuries ago, and the settings can be exotic. Love stories can differ in theme, romance novels have a general theme—‘the taming of a man.’ And finally, romance novels usually have happy endings while love stories are not bound by this requirement. Love stories usually end tragically or, at best, on a bittersweet note.” I’m sorry, no disrespect intended, but if you’ve written a story in which the romantic relationship between two characters is the focus, you’ve written a romance novel, Mr. Sparks. The rest is just splitting hairs and can probably be construed as you protesting a bit too much. Throwing in a depressing ending doesn’t completely excuse you from the genre. Sorry. So, let’s take a look at the most common romance complaints and see if there’s actually anything to them: Romance novels are badly written I don’t know if y’all picked up on the implied “all” in that sentence, but I sure did. I don’t know of any genre outside of romance where people feel comfortable saying “all” of it is badly written. Are there some stinkers in the bunch? Absolutely. But I’ve also read plenty of stinkers in the sci fi, horror and mystery genres. I suppose my response to critics who say romance novels are badly written would be: have you read all romance novels? No? Well…there you go. And further...if they’re so badly written, why are they selling so well? Romance novels are formulaic I suppose this might depend on how broadly you define “formula”. For example: 1 person + 1 person = love and happiness Is that how a formula is defined? Because if that’s the definition, it could be argued that romance novels are formulaic. It is a somewhat unspoken “rule” that romance novels end with a HEA (happily ever after). But in my opinion, there’s A LOT that can happen in the middle of that particular formula, and there’s about a gazillion ways that particular equation can be worked out. I’ve read romance novels about everyday people with typical problems, and I’ve read romance novels about vampires and witches and angels. All the lovely variations in which the “formula” can be worked out and twisted about sure can make for some entertaining reading. Romance novels are predictable Again with the implied “all”. Sigh. I’m pretty hard to surprise. I knew that Darth Vadar was Luke’s father well before Luke did. I knew that one of the dead people Haley Joel Osment was seeing was Bruce Willis way before Bruce Willis knew. I knew what was going on at The Red Wedding well before Talisa took that knife to the gut. But I can honestly say that more than a few romance authors have managed to throw me for a loop with their plot gymnastics. (I’m looking at you, J.A. Redmerski!) So, are there some predictable romances out there? Sure. Can it be argued that the HEA is predictable? Absolutely. But to those still arguing this point, I have to ask: is your enjoyment of a book dependent on your inability to predict the story’s ultimate direction? Even if you know where the story will end up, can you not just enjoy the ebb and flow of the story, the writer’s word choices, the snap of the dialog and crackling chemistry between characters? If not...well, that’s kind of sad! Why bother reading at all if that’s the case?     There’s no plot; it’s all just about sex This is another one of those all-inclusive statements that should just be ignored. Are there some romance novels that are all about sex? Sure. And there are plenty of others that are intricately plotted (author Tarryn Fisher comes immediately to mind here) and meticulously researched. Beyond that, there’s even an entire subcategory of sweet and clean romances (even some Amish romances) that don’t contain any sex at all. Lesson to be learned here: As a rule, “all” and “never” statements are crap. “Real” writers don’t write romance Who gets to define what a “real” writer is? Was there some kind of specially appointed task force for this that I wasn’t aware of? As it turns out, writing is an art. So, just like any other art form, opinions on what is “good” and what is “real” will tend to vary greatly. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and there are no wrong answers. And just for the record, Jane Austen wrote romance novels. Anyone care to tell her—and her legions of rabid fans—that she wasn’t a real writer? No? Didn’t think so. Romance novels are unrealistic The “unrealistic” criticism usually exists in a couple of different forms: 1. The heroes and heroines are all perfect looking It’s true that as a society, we like pretty stuff. For that reason, you will find an abundance of pretty, seemingly perfect people in romance novels (especially on the covers). But, you’ll also find plenty of people who don’t fit into a perfect Barbie-and-Ken mold. I’ve read romances about a paraplegic hero, a heroine with CP, and a heroine so unattractive the hero is uncomfortable around her until he gets to know and love her.   2. HEAs don’t happen in real life You know who doesn’t believe in HEAs? Unhappy people. It’s true that no one is happy all the time, but to assume that no one ever gets a HEA is insane. There’s plenty of happiness out there for those who are willing to reach for it. And on a less philosophical note, I think romance readers generally understand that “HEA” is just a phrase. No one assumes that the main couple in the story continued to live out their lives without ever having another care in the world. The HEA is just where the story ends. Romance novels are just “bodice rippers” This one stems from a trend in the 70s and 80s that had innocent virgins (mostly in historical novels) on book covers being accosted by burly, half-dressed dudes (often Fabio) who were pretty much forcing themselves on them. Much like clothing and hairstyles, romance novel trends have also changed quite a bit since the 70s and 80s. For anyone who believes that all romance novels are “bodice rippers”, I encourage you to change out of your velour leisure suit, shut off your 8-track player and lava lamp, and venture to your local bookstore’s romance section. You’re in for a big surprise.   Romance novels promote abusive relationships I’ll let you in on a little secret, folks. (Come closer…wouldn’t want this one getting out to just anyone) Women sometimes fantasize about being overpowered by a man. It’s a pretty standard fantasy, actually. Some dude (who looks like Thor or Wolverine) overcomes all of her good-girl protests and better judgement with nothing more than the raw animal power of his overwhelming manly hotness. No consequences, no one gets hurt. Does reading about such a fantasy make women prone to asking their husband/partner/lover to abuse and overpower them on a regular basis? No more so than reading To Kill a Mockingbird makes people prone to becoming lawyers, or reading The Bourne Identity makes people prone to amnesia. Typically, readers are capable of distinguishing between fantasy and reality. Critics who spew drivel about romance novels promoting abuse against women seem to think otherwise, though. And further, as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve read a lot of romance novels. A. Lot. The portion of those novels that featured a man overpowering a woman amounts to maybe 2% of the total. It’s hardly fair to assume that all romance novels—or even a majority of romance novels, for that matter--promote that kind of relationship.   It’s just “mommy porn”       Sorry, but it’s just not statistically possible that all of the billions of dollars’ worth of romances sold each year were read by mommies. Women and men (yes, men read romance, too) of all ages enjoy romances. This statement is just a desperate attempt by critics to shame readers into buying the types of books theythink everyone should be reading. It’s like trying to convince people they should be watching PBS all the time. PBS is a great channel, but sometimes, you need a little HBO. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Anyone who tells you otherwise is just an egocentric bully trying to promote his/her own agenda. Romance novels are silly fluff     I’m not going to argue that romance novels are doing their part to cure cancer or end world hunger. (And truthfully, neither are any novels) Some romances are about light subject matter, and others cover much deeper topics such as the grief of losing a spouse, kidnapping and child abuse, murder and even survival in a post-apocalyptic world. And those are just a few examples of the not-so-silly-fluffy topics you can find in romance novels today. There’s plenty more where those came from. Long-story-short, it would appear that nothing is wrong with the romance genre that isn’t also a problem for any other genre, other than what ignorant critics think of it. So, what can romance lovers do to help crush the romance stigma once and for all? Well, the first step is to admit, out loud and to anyone who asks, that you love romance novels. No more sheepishness. No more hiding your romance novels in speculative fiction dust jackets. No more refusing to let anyone see your Amazon browsing history or your Kindle’s contents. Be PROUD of what you read. The second step is to promote the books you read that help crush these myths. That’s what we’ll be doing here at Romance Rehab. What about all of you proud romance readers out there? What other romance misconceptions piss you off? Let’s talk.

#romance novels

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Gormless Ch. 4 - Dab on them Pineapples

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

Last time on Gormless:

There’s some mysterious force that’s turning the Vampires and werewolves into humans. Alexia is in charge of figuring out that deal, and she is doing a bad job at it.  Her husband is in charge of the Supernatrual Police (BUR) so he’s going to Scotland about it.

There’s a dude named Channing who wants to punch and have sex with Alexia, and Ivy is getting married to some rich slub, even though she’s in wub with Maccon’s servant Tunstell.

Alexia’s hubby told her to go to a hat store for mysterious plot reasons, she brings her dopey friend Ivy.  The hat store is run by a hot lesbian and as they’re chatting BOOM an explosion! GOLLY WHAT’S NEXT!?

Chapter 4 - Dab on them Pineapples

This chapter starts off totally under described.  Basically the explosion shook the hats on their nice dangling hooks, and turned out the lights.  They don’t even describe it as unbalancing Alexia.  So the whole next bit makes so little sense.  She first reacts by feeling around for Ivy.  She finds Ivy has fainted…cause okay? Ivy is whispering about Tunstell though so she’s like, “YEAH MY FRIEND UNCONCIOUS ON THE FLOOR AFTER AN EXPLOSION IS FINE! BYE LOSER!”

She immediately starts scurrying around for that secret passage she thought she saw earlier. Finds it, goes in, and down an elevator. I just…I was so flummoxed that this was her first response?  All it would take for this to make more sense is to write, “It sounded as if the explosion happened below them, and Alexia would bet you 100 pounds that this secret passage would lead her straight to it. And what if someone was hurt down there?”

It seemed so bizarre for her to go, “EXPLOSION? I’M GOING TO MAKE A BEELINE FOR THE SECRET PASSAGE! MY FRIEND OUT COLD? WHATEVER!”

When she gets down there she finds a messy workshop, where a small explosion clearly took place.  She finds LeFoux yelling at a child and there’s a ghost lady just chilling there.  The gist of the conversation is that the child threw a rag soaked in ETHER into a huge furnace which caused the explosion.  The boy is just like, “lol it went bang.”  And Alexia thinks that’s hilarious and reintroduces herself. LeFoux has to remark that WOW ISN’T LADY MACCON SMART FOR FINDING OUT THE SECRET PASSAGEWAY? GOSH I KNOW I CONFIRMED IT TO HER MINUTES AGO! BUT SHE’S SO SMART!  The ghost is LeFoux’s aunt Beatrice, and the boy is introduced as LeFoux’s son Quesnel even though the two do not look related.

I also find it odd that LeFoux, the owner of this establishment, with a shop full of customers, just slips into the passage and doesn’t give a token, “DO NOT PANIC CUSTOMERS I’M GOING TO FIGURE OUT THE ISSUE, PLEASE STAY WHERE YOU ARE!”

Alexia praises the child for the explosion.  I can’t help but feel a bit exasperated by the book’s tone for this.  This child could have not only killed himself on a flight of fancy but perhaps a block worth of buildings full of humans in a crowded city, and the story treats it like he stole a pudding out of the fridge he wasn’t supposed to have.  But I mean, my job is to worry for the well-being of children and I have a habit of overthinking this shit so take that paragraph with as much or as little care as you see fit.

LeFoux punishes Quesnel and tells her aunt to take him away so she can have sexual tension with Alexia.  Alexia, you do not deserve the sexual attention of anybody except your dipshit husband. Leave the MacDougalls and LeFouxs for the more-deserving slutty, bisexual hate-readers okay.

Faps you realize you will never be able to have sex with a fictional character right?

Faps why would you want to bang a fictional character in a story you don’t even like?

I HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING TO ENJOY HERE OKAY!?

During some mild flirtation where Alexia first realizes women are hot, LeFoux explains that Maccon commissioned a gift that is ready for her.

It’s a huge ugly umbrella that takes a page to describe just its physical appearance, which was hard to follow.  My favorite detail is,

“The handle looked like something that might top an ancient Egyptian column, carved with lotus flowers---or a very enthusiastic pineapple.”

I don’t know what the fuck that’s supposed to mean but with that line I have decided that the handle of her umbrella looks like this:

(Picture of a pineapple dabbing, while wearing bright red shoes.)

And you cannot convince me otherwise.

We spend a few more pages explaining what her James Bond styled umbrella can do. Which includes:

Shoots poison darts.

Can switch between a silver and wooden tip depending on if you’re stabbing vampires or werewolves.

Can emit a magnetic field which can disrupt steam engines temporarily.

Can spray different kinds of toxic mists which can kill humans, and severely injure werewolves and vampires.  

Okay sure, she gets a proper weapon with a lot of weird uses. Sure good!

So now it’s time for me to complain about some writing choices!

Much to my annoyance, every time LeFoux smiles at all (which is a fucking lot) instead of using multiple verbs and descriptors such as, “She smiles, grins, smirks, beams, looks amused/smug/delighted/etc.” She says LeFoux ~dimples~ 100% of the time. And I’m like nobody verbs dimples that way you fucking weirdo who writes like they’re 12.

There’s also this really clumsy pointless exchange where it’s revealed that LeFoux has made special equipment for Prof. Lyall, and she remarks that he’s a curious man. Alexia says he’s not a man at all (cause he’s a werewolf) and LeFoux remarks, “I, too, am not a man. I simply enjoy dressing like one.”

….This is like super clumsy and not how humans talk at all. And there’s no reason why you need to bring that up AGAIN at all? We can tell she enjoys masculine dress because…she’s described as dressing masculine. Like….why? 

Like I know this isn’t meant to be a complex novel, but like I feel condescended to how often unimportant shit needs to be brought up again and again. UGH!

So they head back upstairs, Tunstell shows up so he and Ivy can stare longingly at each other, and OH YEAH tell Alexia Lyall wants to speak with her.

You gotta do more for me to ship Tunstell/Ivy then like show them cozy with one another and shouting in my ear about how they pine for one another.  Like maybe some dialog besides, “How are you?” “Oh I’m fine”?

So Alexia goes to see Lyall. She struts in swinging her new umbrella like HEY! HEY! ASK ABOUT MY NEW TOY!  Lyall does not.  Lyall has his issues don’t get me wrong.  But I find it so refreshing that he refuses to feed Maccon and Alexia’s shitty little egos.

Lyall says the humanization phenomenon has been ~spotted~ again and it’s moving toward Scotland, a bit ahead of Maccon, who is also heading that way.  Maccon doesn’t know he’ll be meeting the mysterious soul-sucking power soon, which could be a problem since he’s only useful in the sense that he has powers.

Alexia takes note of this, and decides she wants to have Lord Akeldama and LeFoux meet cause that would be cool I guess.  That’s where we leave off.  I’m not sure if the two are going to get along immediately upon meeting or hate each other’s guts. I hope they hate the other’s guts cause I think that would be more entertaining.

Say something nice Faps:

These chapters don’t always end and start on similar notes. So it doesn’t feel repetitive.

Lyall, while not totally free from this writing’s bullshit, helps ground this material by being a voice of sanity. A lot of authors can get caught up in HOW FUCKING COOL THEIR PERFECT FUN CHARACTERS ARE and it’s just kinda refreshing that this author has enough self-awareness to realize how exhausting and irritating their antics/personalities can sometimes be. Or in the very least enough awareness of writing to know when to slow it done and take a breather.

 LeFoux is hot.

Since I have identified her new murder parasol as having a dabbing pineapple handle, all mentions of it conjure hilarious mental images for me.  She was described as cradling it like a baby, and swinging it wildly in order for it to fail to catch Lyall’s attention.

 I also kinda like how despite getting a badass weapon crafted for her, it’s hideous.  Like perhaps it’s for the humor sake, but I appreciate we’re not just going to steamroll how cool and great Alexia is. Even though she got this super rad weapon with all these functions without having to earn it. The item does have the downside of being tacky and heavy. You know?

#gormless #changeless #riffing

[barzombi-shitpost]

So I just finished playing Vampyr...

This game is fucking good.

I was expecting a good game, and I walk away from what is probably my favorite game of all times, or at least a strong contender (Senua’s Sacrifice is probably there too).

The problems with the game do exist, however. Drops of framerate, some dialogue choices not that clear on consequences, not-that-good motion capture, some awkward moments (you can accuse someone of poisoning another person, and they’ll continue to talk to you like nothing happened !), and a sometimes clunky battle system.

But aside from that, I loved EVERYTHING. The question of which NPC to eat or spare, and the consequences of your choices, are the best mecanic of the game ! Because to get more XP out of an NPC, you need to know them, their little secrets, who cares for them, etc... so most of the time, you look at an NPC, worth sometimes thousands of XP, and think “Nah... I can’t eat them, who will take care of their grandma ?”, and you think about that PRECISELY because you have to know them before eating them for the sacrifice to be worth it !

It’s fucking genius.

Aside from that, good quality of dialog if you like melancolic gothic horror (and lucky me, I do !), and every single NPC is unique and has their little story and features. There isn’t a single one of them who has nothing to say, even though some of them are not as well-written and important as others.

Good diversity, also, even though, again, it could have been even better.

There’s something like 40-ish male characters, and 20-ish female characters, with something like ten of them being PoC. 

I know for a lot of people it’s not enough, but for a game about gothic themes and vampires, I was (sadly) expecting an almost all-white cast (*cough* The Order 1886 *cough*), and some women, but not much.

The LGBT community is... well almost not there, alas (at least officialy), but there IS an openly gay couple, and for a game set in 1918, that’s something, at least.

The main story is good, but I honestly prefered the interactions with the NPC and the sidequests. Some of them are extremely sad, others are hilarious.

The big boss battles are... untertaining, but clearly the game shines more in its quiet, intimate moments and in the narration. Don’t go in there thinking it’s gonna be Bloodborne all over again.

Oof. There, finished. I might add some other things later, but I’d like to talk a bit about big fat SPOILERS, now. Just one thing, about a debate on the main character love interest.

SPOILERS  SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

Honestly, I don’t get WHY people are so mad about lady Ashbury and Jonathan Reid. Really.

I mean, yes, it IS a heterosexual relationship. Yes, it IS an indivisible part of the story. But, seriously, it’s not enough to ruin a game, as I have seen some proclaim.

The same thing more or less happens in Life is Strange AND Life is Strange : Before the Storm (althought they aren’t cishet relationships, I’ll give you that), and it doesn’t ruin the game : it tells a story.

But in these three games, the love story in here to reinforce the theme : highschool life and discovery of life in the titles of Life is Strange, and gothic, “noble” and almost Arthurian themes and relationships in Vampyre.

Would I had prefered to have the choice ? Yes. But considering the very end of the game, or at least the one I had, it fits the theme so perfectly that to change it would be stupid, in my opinion.

I also see people saying Jonathan has more alchemy with McCullum, that we encounter exactly FOUR TIMES in the game (and twice less than 10 seconds), than with Lady Ashbury, who is here from almost the very beginning. 

I disagree.

Jonathan and McCullum DO have alchemy, it’s true. As adversaries, not really as love interests. The battle against McCullum (the Boss battle, I mean) is very interesting, because YOU are the usual antagonist, and the fact that you can spare the lad, after telling him that you want the same thing, and aren’t really that different... Well it was fucking good, and an excellent use of the trope in reverse.

But I’d rather have a hundred stories of Victorian slow burn with Lady Ashbury than to basically rape a man who wants to kill me to make him a vampire.

Because that’s option number two, after the Boss battle, and I’ve seen people ship these two together because of that. And it honestly makes me uneasy.

I precise that this man is, for what I know, the ONLY NPC you can turn that would undertake the transformation unwillingly, where you have to force-feed him your blood.

So think what you will of Lady Ashbury, but please don’t give me this excuse as a “better couple”.

At least Doctor Swansea would have taken the blood with pleasure ^^

#vampyr #vampyr spoilers #vampyr game #lady ashbury #don't give me this kind of excuse... #good game though #l'opinion d'un petit croissant

[flickdirect]

With its thirteenth season debuting in a couple of weeks Supernatural continues to be the longest running CW network show. But how did it get to this point? What makes this show so popular? Well to answer these and other questions you may want to catch up with season Twelve before Lucky number thirteen starts this October.

The Road So Far…..In the first eleven seasons, we met the brothers, Sam (Jared Padalecki; Friday the 13th) and Dean (Jensen Akles; Smallville) Winchester, learned about their complicated past, and watched as they saved the world from multiple apocalypses. The most recent one, which happened at the end of Season Eleven, included God's sister, Amara (Emily Shallow; The Mentalist) ending all creation. Luckily Dean convinced her to change her mind at the last minute giving us Season 12. As a thank you for bringing Amara and God back together she gave Dean what he wanted most…His Mother, Mary Winchester (Samantha Smith; Transformers).

With Mom's return, the theme of Season 12 is "Family". Besides the Winchesters getting reunited, The devil (Mark Pellegrino; National Treasure) is having a baby, Crowely (Mark Sheppard; Battlestar Galactica) and Rowena (Ruth Connell; For the Love of George) are back and she finally meets her grandson and some of the " Monster of the Week" episodes were family themed as well. They managed to fit all of these storylines in with the British Men of letters as well as the return of the King of all Vampires, Bobby Singer (Jim Beaver; Deadwood), and Sherriff Jody Mills (Kim Rhodes; The Suite Life of Zach and Cody).

Creator Eric Kripke (Timeless) had a vision for this show that ended with Season 5. The latter seasons seemed to have veered in a different direction but I'm happy to say Season 12 seems to go back to that earlier feel making it very enjoyable. Smith adds a great, new dynamic to the show that rival's Jeffery Dean Morgan's (Watchmen) portrayal of Sam and Dean's Dad and interestingly, this is the first season in which the "Big Bad' is not a supernatural being.

Supernatural Season 12 is presented in 1080p AVC. Warner Bros. usually goes all out on its video quality and Supernatural is no exception. Blacks are true, colors are vivid, and there are no signs of artificating present through the season's 23 episodes. While the season would definitely benefit from a 4K UHD transfer this presentation is miles better than its Digital HD counterparts. The DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 lossless soundtrack provides a powerful punch to the box set. The audio contains a wide dynamic field with crisp and clear dialog as well as allowing the listeners to hear the even the tiniest special effect sound such as the wind rustling through the trees. It is this attention to every detail that makes this set a standout in today&#39;s home theater market.

Aside from the Blu-rays themselves, the set contains a Digital HD copy of all the episodes of the show, and as with most television shows, Supernatural spreads out its audio commentary and deleted scenes over multiple discs. However, all the featurettes are contained on disc four including The Winchester Mythology: Mary Winchester, The Winchester Mythology: A Hunter&#39;s Life, The Winchester Mythology: Clash of the British Men of Letters, The Supernatural: 2016 Comic-Con Panel. and a hysterical gag reel.

With The CW agreeing to fund Supernatural as long as Jared and Jensen want to do it there seems to be no end in site for the Winchester brothers and things that go bump in the night. However, it is a comforting thought that the show appears to be back on the right track and is fun and enjoyable watch. Carry on my wayward son. Carry on.

About Nathan M Rose Nathan Rose is chief executive officer and is in charge of overseeing day-to-day operations. In addition to overseeing operations of FlickDirect, Nathan has also appeared in various online productions and films.

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