#things will be fine but they rlly suck rn

[cas---2y5]

i am depressed and anxious and have picked my skin horribly on my face and scalp :))) now it’s all scabby which makes me pick more which makes me more anxious and depressed :)))))))) not to say I’m spiraling but I feel like it’s close. the only thing keeping me sane is escapism which is also not really a great basket to put all my eggs into. love the holidays :))))

#oh blorbos we’re really in it now #sabriel save me #sabriel - save me sabriel #things will be fine but they rlly suck rn #personal

[silenthillbunni]

being in pain is so isolating nd alienating lol >.<

#bc the thing is nobody cares abt your pain. like that's simply human psychology #so even if that's how the human mind is built nd it's understandable. it still sucks to receive so little sympathy nd understanding #like i mean ppl get sick nd tired of u when u talk abt the pain nd just want u to stop complaining nd be positive #nd they're rlly unsympathetic nd just want u to shut up nd do the things you're supposed to do without whining #so yes idk having to shut up abt it makes me feel like im stuck all alone inside this miserable bubble #either way im getting better nd better at not talking abt it!!!!! even on here i dont say like 80% of what i wanna vent abt sksksks #ppl always treat me as if im exaggarating or just anxious nd worried nd that i need to relax nd that everythings fine #so i've gotten way better at keeping it inside nd not bothering anyone w it!!! thats good #i mean it hurts nd makes me feel isolated buuut it's better than being a burden nd a bother nd making ppl roll their eyes nd sigh at me #but it's also so hard for me to seek medical attention for anything bc i feel like im just being dramatic nd annoying #idk... anyway so many things i wanna complain abt rn pain wise but im doing so good at shutting up abt them i need a gold star ⭐️ #hand in hand w this im getting better at just shutting up nd doing what ppl want me to do nd think im supposed to do even if im in pain

[queer-trashmouth]

Net-Zero information search engine

#so what I’m getting is that both it is totally fine to take expired meds and that I should do no such thing under any circumstances #google rlly sucks rn #me #I just wanted to know if I could take expired excederin (if it smells like vinegar don’t)

[exopelagic]

once again facing unstoppable force (anxiety-driven need to finish my work) vs immovable object (brain doesn’t wanna do anything but think abt little gay people)

#solution: write tumblr post #I JUST figured out a fix to my plot problem in this story I’ve been thinking abt #and I rlly rlly badly wanna start fleshing out these characters bc this is the story I’ve been most excited abt in a long time #it’s also combining a bunch of elements I’ve been playing with for a long time but never fit #and I am obsessed with all of the character concepts I have rn. there are 4 and this caters DIRECTLY to me #I’m getting much better at crushing the anxiety spikes that are uh. like. vaguely scrupulously ig that kept me from making things do ages #in favour of going hard on self indulgence and I’m having a great time #scrupulosity* as in i worry incessantly abt readings and sociopolitical implications until I’m just exhausted by the concept and drop it #sometimes you can just have fun luke it’s okay #but yeah I am!! and I wanna draw them all and do more stuff but #I have THIS FUCKING LECTURE. most boring frustrating man alive hislectures SHOULD BE GOOD but he SUCKS #he cannot get to the point and takes so many detours which are COOL but he’s so pretentious about it his lectures are PAINFUL #I get headaches within a few minutes of listening to him talk this hasn’t happened since I was sleep deprived in the v basic first year 9ams #and I’m on the last one. out of four. I have half an hour left. but this half an hour is insurmountable #and I gotta finish it bc I have so much other stuff to do (only two more lectures (better)!!! but also coursework now #which is easier!! and I know how to do both of them but it’ll take a chunk of time and I’m committed to getting it done by end of next week #okay. okay fine. I will watch this dumb fucking lecture and it will hurt #but once it’s done I will literally never have to listen to him talk again this is it forever. one last stretch #and then I can mess w my story while I have food. I can do this. pray for me #luke.txt

[sjhhemmings]

Accident

Connor Rhodes x Fem!Reader

A/N: cutesy little one shot that i dont rlly like but whatever. hope you guys enjoy it. I love Connor, but god I really need to pick a hyper fixation. Guess who’s loving Chicago P.D. rn???

warnings: cussing (i think), not proofread, canon typical medical talk? (i think), kissing, confrontation.

You always hated driving. Not that you sucked at it or anything, you just never trusted any other driver on the road.

It could be considered an ‘irrational fear’ but you would consider it being cautionary and safe. Nothing wrong with that. Well until you actually had to drive for yourself. Then there was everything wrong with it. The unnecessary anxiety, triple checking your surroundings, not being able to fully be comfortable. Just not your cup of tea. Especially today.

Moments like these make you miss your ex. He always drove you everywhere. It was like a deal you guys had, he would drive and you would cook. It’s not like either of you weren’t capable of doing those tasks, it’s just when you have someone else who would rather do it for you, why not?

Today however there was no avoiding you driving. You had to testify in court for a case you worked awhile back. Perks of being a detective. Well at least the plan was to testify in court. That was until about an hour ago before you got T-boned in the middle of an intersection.

A drunk driver ran a red light hitting your driver side door trapping you in the car. You became unconscious on impact, but luckily for you Firehouse 51 had been the one to respond to your accident.

You woke up in the ambulance shocked of course, but relief came over you as you realized Sylvie Brett had been your EMT.

“What happened?” You asked a little out of breath.

“Hey you’re okay. It was just a car accident. Other driver was completely fine, Burgess and Atwater took him in. You were unconscious when we found you, but we think it was just from shock. You have no major injuries besides what may be a fracture on your left forearm, we’re taking you to med to have them run some more tests.”

Processing the information, you look at your left arm to see that it is definitely broken. Lucky for you, you can’t exactly feel it at the moment so you just sigh. After a few seconds you feel like you’re forgetting something. Wait. Shit.

“Do you think i’ll be able to make it to court in…” checking the time on your now broken watch, “15 minutes.” Fuck.

“I think you’ll be lucky if they don’t keep you overnight for observation,” She says will a wry smile.

“We’re about 3 minutes from med if that helps!” Chout tells from the drivers seat.

No Chout. It doesn’t help.

“Just my luck.” You mutter rolling your eyes.

When you arrived at Med, Will Halstead ended up being your doctor.

“Jeez Y/N, what’d you do this time?” He asks with a joking smile as you’re rolled into the treatment room.

“Oh y’know, the usual.” You joke back wincing a little as he checks your arm.

“Well, as you probably know this arm is definitely broken. April order a portable x-ray and push some pain meds for our dear Y/N here. As for right now since your lucid we can rule out any major injuries, I’m gonna do some more tests to make sure you don’t have a concussion but-”

“Y/N, what the hell happened?!”

Both you and Will look at the man who interrupted him, of course he showed up. Somehow despite you guys being broken up, he still shows up everywhere.

“Connor, what are you doing here?” You ask as he approaches you with more ease.

“Yeah, Connor, Y/N is my patient and I’m pretty sure this would still be considered conflict of interest.” Will adds on earning an eye roll from Dr. Rhodes.

“I’m still your emergency contact.” Connor says holding up your possessions in a matter of fact tone.

“Oh.” Is all your able to say before Will takes a big inhale.

“Well, I’m gonna come back when the x-ray gets here.” Will says a little awkwardly as he shuffles out of the room.

Connor hands sets your things at the foot of your bed earning a muttered thanks from you. Connor turns to leave, but ultimately turns around to stay.

“What happened?” He asks again more worried this time.

“I’m fine-”

“That’s not what I asked. You’re in my ED with a broken forearm and a narly cut on your head, what happened?” He asks folding his arms with a furrowed brow.

“Car accident. I got t-boned at the intersection next to the court house. Guy ran a red light…” You say sheepishly not looking Connor in the eye.

Before you know it Connor had marched his way over to you grabbing your jaw gently to get a better look at your head.

“The cut doesn’t seem too bad. Halstead should be able to close it without stitches.” Connor looked at you with soft eyes, the way he would when you guys were together. Still holding your face, you couldn’t help but melt under his gaze. Subconsciously leaning into his hold you look up at him through your lashes.

“Thanks for being here.”

Connor nods in response and finally lets you go. Sitting in the chair behind him you give him a quizzical look.

“I’m not leaving until you’re all taken care of. You shouldn’t have to sit here alone.” He says resting in the chair kicking one leg over the other.

You chuckle at his response and slightly frown.

“Before I leave I’ll make sure I take you off my emergency contact list,” You say avoiding his gaze.

“What? No? You don’t have to do that.” He says defiantly.

“Yes I do? We broke up remember.” You say finally looking at him again.

“Okay, well,”

“Exactly. There’s no reason you should be getting called when-”

“When you have an emergency? Yeah. Okay.” He interrupts you rolling his eyes.

“Connor, we’re not together anymore. Frankly it’s non of your business what emergencies I have.” You say shrugging. Having this conversation was hurting you more than you let on but it was necessary.

“Well what if we were together? Then what?” He asks making you furrow your brows.

“We’re not though?”

“But what if we were? What if we got back together?”

“We won’t. We wanted different things. We were never meant to work out.”

“But what if we wanted the same things? There’s no reason we should be broken up right now.”

“Connor! What do you want?! You left me!” You say finally snapping with tears coming to your eyes.

“I want you.” He says standing up and grabbing your hand.

“When I got the call that you got hurt, I finally realized that I couldn’t live without you. I’ve been trying for these last few weeks, to make you happy. We had the talk where we wanted different things, and I just made the choice for the both of us. It was wrong. You could’ve died today and I cannot live without you any longer Y/N.”

You deeply exhale as you let his words sink in.

“You just can’t cook on your own can you, Connor?” You asked semi-jokingly but also semi-serious.

Connor scoffs and puts a hand to his chest in disbelief. “Me? Not being able to cook without you? How dare you ever insinuate such a thing!”

Rolling your eyes you pull his hand that you’re still holding closer to you, bringing him down to your level.

Pressing a deep kiss to his lips he holds your face with his other hand. Only pulling away slightly you look into his eyes to try and see what he’s thinking.

“So do you want to try again?” He asks anxiously.

Kissing him again harshly he chuckles in response.

“Does that answer your question?” You ask him to which he smiles.

“Without a doubt.” He says leaning his forehead against yours.

#one chicago #chicago med x reader #chicago med one shot #chicago med fanfiction #chicago med #connor rhodes chicago med #connor rhodes one shot #connor x reader #i love connor rhodes #connor rhodes fanfic #connor rhodes x reader #connor rhodes

[oohbuggypie]

oh it's a yip yap kind of night okayy . for anybody that follows me SOLELY for Punch Out!! Wii posting i def reccomend u block the tag #purrrsonal bcuz i think its a spam night 🩷 anyway putting all this below a cut cuz it's actually just incoherent babbling abt nothing

anyway im literally jittering in my seat and feeling an intense sickness bcuz i haven't pen + crayon doodled in like two days ? BUT NOTHING LOOKS HOW I WANTT AND NOTHING IS COMING OUT RIGHT.. and i literally wanna write so bad but i never wanna release anything bcuz the fact there r ppl who r gonna see it and not care SCARES ME SO BADD its not that im hungry for the likes or the fact that people will consume anything i put out its just like ? the general embarrassment of being like "okay im gonna b rlly brave and show the world some really cool writing i wrote that i really enjoyed writing !" AND THEN NOBODYS GAFS ... LIKE OMG ??????? THATS SO TERRIFYINGGG so then i keep it all to myself but KEEPING IT ALL TO MYSELF MAKES ME MISERABLE AS FUCKK bcuz now i don't have anybody to be like "hey ! cool writing !" AND NOBODY TO EVEN EXPRESS SLIGHT INTEREST IN THE THINGS IVE DONE ... LIKE OML .. i know the real reason i don't release writing is cuz a majority of it isnt made for a blog like mine which is fine like okay whatever .. BUT FOR THE THINGS THAT RRRR .. THEY JUST .. SIT THERE?? like not having anybody to care simultaneously motivates me bcuz its like okay then i can just keep writing all this fun stuff that i conjured up from my brain ! but on the other hand it sucks sm bcuz if there's nobody to be my motivation than it's JUST me ,, and now that means it's all just on me all me like it's MY stuff that I have to look at . AND THEN IT ISNT FUN OR COOL ANYMORE .. from the struggle rn omg. AND THEN I HAVE SO MANY GOOD IDEAS AND THERES SO MUCH EMOTION AND EXPRESSION IN THAT WRITING THAT I CANT EXPRESS THRU MY REGULAR POSTS ON HERE AND IT IS SO SOO HARD CONTAINING EMOTIONS LIKE MINEEE cuz i just wanna share all my fun and love with the world and a lot of that ..... is conveyed thru my writing . so it's either be brave and release stuff i usually never would and face the general fear that comes with it, or it's keep it all locked up and just think abt it to urself and urself exclusively . MISERYYYYYYY

#purrrsonal #bro im literally sitting here with a headache over this WHY MUST ART AND WRITING BE SO SCARYY #im telling u guys there is genuinely so many ideas and pieces of art and excerpts of writing i could explode this page with but its all just #tucked away in here . like it actually starts to suck bcuz like wtf am i gonna dooo ?????? theres so much yet so little i rlly can do abt it #STRUUUUUGGGLEEEEE

[matd0]

life update ig ??:

hi hi hi hi hi hi hi !!!

ok so

1. i mentioned about having medical issues and some people got concerned so i just want to quickly explain the thing yk; in short it turns out having anxiety can cause heart arrhythmia ????? which can be like kinda dangerous;; but like in most cases it's fairly harmless so i should be alright :] !! still have to go check it out at the hospital (which i have been sorta putting off for a while bc yk. anxiety,, lol) but like other than it stressing me out a bit, everything is relatively fine :]

2. school is kicking my ass rn 💀 have a lot of unfinished work and missed a ton of classes bc my mental health kinda sucks,, so yk it's not exactly going great lol. but uhhhhhhhhhh im sure I'll figure it out ? ig ?? ye.

3. got a small art block. well it's more like "i have so much work to do, how dare i draw at a time like this" (and then just go to sleep bc im soo stressed and overwhelmed about everything 💀) but like. I'll probably get over it soon 🤷

idk i also just feel super obligated to always post super high effort paintings if i have many followers yk? like alot of the time i just feel like my drawings aren't good enough and everyone will like despise me for it;; and idk ig i just need constant approval for everything i do for some reason sjdhjshd. ik it's like. a really inaccurate and terrible way to look at it but i just can't rlly help it;;

uhhh all that to say, i hope it's alright if i post more sketches and unfinished drawings ? ;;

4. i would like to formally apologize for barely responding to literally anything. like. im so sorry dudes;;;;;;; unfortunately i have. very intense social anxiety and literally do not respond to anyone ever. (/srs it's like. a genuine issue in my life. whoops) but like i feel super bad about it bc i don't want to seem like i don't care T_T cuz lik e. i literally read every comment, message, tag, etc. and they always make me so so so happy ;;;;; like i routinely show screencaps of random comment to my friends gush about how nice they are 💀 idk point being; im a loser, i love all of you and it blows my mind that anyone cares about my silly drawings for a p much dead fandom lol.

extra: also i uh made a creepypasta oc 🧍‍♂️might post about him maybe idk im scared it'll be cringe sjhsjsgdhgdhd epic

TLDR; pretty stressed, small art block, school suckz, might die but probably not lol.

(sorry this came off super negative and sort of venty 💀 its all good i swear, im just silly)

[sexydreamgirl]

i feel sad because i don’t really believe in the law anymore and cant even be bothered to test it out since i think it’ll be for nothing, like, i know i can get what i want and ive gotten to manifest stuff in the past but those same things couldve easily been a bunch of coincidences specially since theyre not rlly important and wouldve happened anyway even without me trying (as in, good grades for example)

part of me feels like im missing out by not giving it a chance, theres so many things id love to do and have but i really cant bring myself to believe in manifestation anymore after almost four years of nothing, itll probably give me peace of mind to just accept this isnt a thing and give up but idfk, what if it is?? i dont have motivation to learn, i cant believe anything neville or any of these blogs are saying and it sucks because i really want this to be true

sorry this probs doesnt make much sense im sleep deprived rn, where should i go from here,,,,??

I think the last thing you want to hear right now is to give it another chance and keep going, but I'm afraid that's precisely what I would advise. I wouldn't be here investing my time into two blogs with posts and your questions answered if I hadn't tested the law out for myself and proven it to be true. That would be a waste of my time and yours. If you choose to no longer believe in the law and you're done with it, that's completely fine. Go right ahead. But if this is really something important to you, you won't accept what you don't want.

[dontttmindmeeeeee]

birdflash [shock]

I have been thinking about these for a couple of years and now I wish to put my pain upon you.

counting spoilers

[1] the slowburn *eats bars*

you CANNOT tell me this never happen. Who fell first? For me it’d be Wally sense he can love so much (about TOO much) and yk, Dick was raised by Bruce so yk.. pulling the mess that Young justice is, I feel like that’s when Dick had feelings for Wally. But Wally did try to move on and Artemis was a perfect distraction (not that Wally never loved her. He did, I find the ship quite cute but it ain’t my #1). Roy is sick and TIRED of seeing them pin for each other but they’re too blind to see. (😭) ofc, Wally “moved” on but Dick couldn’t quite do the same.. NOW

Edit: Bruce and Barry know each other and each other’s identity, don’t tell me why but it feels right and I’ve had this HC for so long.

[2] Wally’s death. (My personal hate.)

WALLY DIES. And he dies right after he and Dick fight. Dick ofc blames himself sense that’s HIS best friend and HIS long crush. He blames himself for not taking Wally sooner. He blames himself for not checking the outcomes that could’ve come so that they could’ve saved Wally. He blames himself for fighting Wally. He blames himself for basically everything that he couldn’t really change. (Other than confessing yk..) in the show it doesn’t even show anything ?? (Which sucks sense that’s literally his BEST FRIEND. Even platonic would’ve been fine. 🙄😒)

[3] Wally coming back.

My personally favorite, Wally coming back? Yes please. I’m not gonna get TOO much into it, might make another whole thing abt that BUT just so you know it was totally unpredictable and may be Bart’s fault.. (Wally was never mean to Bart, I REFUSE to think so. I also think he can talk super fast (and hear) but he’s also slow (not like comics)) but he meant well sense he literally brought him back

[4] the process of coming back.

noww, I think the flash family would kinda hide him, you might ask why? Let me tell you. That’s their Wally and he’s been gone for gods know long. (I don’t keep time well) and ofc, even in the speedthingy (forgot the name) he aged, sense that also confuse me. But yk, they hide him. But they can’t hide anything from Batman sense well.. HE’S BATMAN. So, when he show up (Wally) he’s super confused sense, new team?? New people?? Where his friends?? Where’s the mountain?? (Let’s say that if it was already destroyed before he left.. it wasn’t and I’m making HC, okay?) and yk, a lot of confusion.

[5] the meeting/reunion

Wally is just standing on Barry’s league chair while he and Bruce argue with each other. He’s bored Af but Barry told him to stay so he’ll listen. (For now.) that is until he hears a sharp breath and sense that someone is there. He turns around and sees Dick. Huh. Dick was there? (Loading screen appears right on his face) DICK WAS THERE?? He speed right there and jumps to give him a hug. “Dick!!” he yells excitedly and hugs him tightly. Dick literally has tears into his eyes (but has his mask so they don’t rlly see it) but hugs Wally back! They stay like that for a long time. On the ground. Hugging. I feel like Wally never had anyone with him and was always alone, how he hasn’t gotten crazy? Bro idk 🤷‍♀️

I’ll do another part with more but rn Im running out of time so like, yeah!! I’ll see you in the other part

#birdflash #wally west #my boy <3 #im dying #my boy deserves the worlds #my sunshine <3 #he deserves the world #dick grayson #sigh #he needs a break #and needs to confess #it’s getting ridiculous #and late #gotham #central city #the flash #the flash family #i love them #the batfamily #In the other part #part 1 #goodbye #see you

[lesbianboyfriend]

2, 7, 21, 25 !!

2. picture of my handwriting:

7. what scares me the most and why: well i am scared of a lot of things…..i think one of the things i’m most afraid of is that while i’m sleeping ill go into cardiac arrest and die. there’s a history of that happening in my family lmao and i get recurrent heart palpitations….my cardiological tests have always been fine but i’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. and recently i’ve had some compounding symptoms that have me convinced it’s now lmao….well i have a cardiologist appt next week so we’ll see!!!

21. are you a spiritual person: i consider myself a spiritual person….i still haven’t rlly sorted out what’s going on with me religion-wise after the shitshow of ten years of catholic school but i do still believe in Something. i’m not quite sure what it is or how to describe it but it is important to me you know ?

25. favorite season and why: this is hard for me because i’m always torn between summer and winter….in terms of what’s usually going on in my life i feel like summer is usually better BUT i’m so so heat intolerant and it’s so fucking hot here….winter is the only time the weather is somewhat tolerable for me and i love getting to dress in layers. and while i recognize many valid critiques of christmas etc i do really enjoy the holiday season. but also fall has halloween….but i never get to enjoy halloween to its potential because of school. i think basically i’m a grass is always greener guy who views every season as beautiful and rife with potential except for when i’m living it and then i’m like well my life sucks rn. whoops!

#jules.txt #ask games #asks

[divorcetual]

HAD SUCH A GOOD DAY 2DAY !!! omg omg so first we went to the tokyo fish market and actually that part sucked (not bcs the fish surprisingly) mostly bcs it started raining (also not why) so told my dad i was gonna go to a convience store to get some umbrellas but I couldnt find one for like ever (also not why) but then when I finally DID find one I went to go back and had no idea where I was (this is why)

and bcs I dont have a sim card here I didnt have any data to use google maps or text my dad or anything so I was lost for like 50 minutes (we were supposed to meet back in TEN) and I kept going into 7/11s and family marts being like "do u speak english I need 2 know where the fish market is" but obv none of them spoke english so I kept being lost until I hacked a hotels wifi (guessed the password) and found my way to the fish market where I then found the first non japanese person I could and I was like crying at this point barely holding it back and I asked to use his phone so I could email my dad where I was (by the eggs) and he let me so I was fine 👍

ANYWAY THO after that we went to a nearby shrinw which was rlly cool and went to nakamise-dori which was SUPER cool I had candied strawberries and it was sooo tasty. My dad also bought a tengu mask (he + my mom collect masks) then we went to sensō-ji temple and it was SOOOO cool I got an omamori for passing exams ^.^

N E WAY after that we were gonna go to this one udon restaurant but it was closed :( so we got some ramen !!! super tasty super tasty we also got cat doughnuts in the subway (we ate them b4 getting a pic :( ) n they were also rlly good.

THEN !!!!!!! we were gonna go to sunshine 60 for the aquarium but the tickets were a hassle so we postponed until tmrw. But we were already there so I went into soke clothing stores and they were SO cool im so obsessed w/ the fashion here. So I got a few things but theyre in tax free bags rn (if ur a tourist you dont have 2 pay taxtes but u have 2 keep them in this sealed bag until ur out of the country or smth idk idk) so I cqnt shoe yall :/ BUT IT WAS AMAZINGGGGGG

[regular-tumbled]

i rlly like having long nails and painting them silly colors but here are the worst parts of having long nails

dirt gets underneath them and the longer they are the harder it is to clean out

using touch screen with long nails sucks and makes a clicking sound

breaking a nail hurts

or just like, hitting or finger nail or something

i scratch myself a lot

i also scratch other things, leaving fine lines in soft objects

im sure theres more but thats all i can think of rn

[what-if-nct]

hiiii is it ok if i ask for some advice? im sorry im gonna sound rambly but uhhh i'm 14 and starting high school next year (which i alrdy dont feel too good abt haha) and my (overbearing asian) parents are going to send me to this private lutheran hs instead of the public one i was supposed to go to bc its more upper class and smart (?). tbh i was genuinely surprised that i liked the school, academic-wise, and i rlly liked that i had the space in my schedule to take more fine arts classes (i dont have any in my hs) but like the first thing the principal said to me was that i "needed to learn to be a good christian". a whole hour each week is dedicated to jesus and i just know my atheist ass is going to be uncomfortable asf. first, one of my best friends has a thing for jesus (he says jesus is too hot to be straight 😭) and i cant tell if hes joking anymore, and second, i dont have a problem with people who are religious, but i do when they are flat out hateful and harrassing people from communities they "dont agree with", and i just know the people preaching at this school are the latter.

also rn i am the *only* poc in my entire school, and i noticed there were a lot more asian students and students of color, so hopefully there'll be less kids pulling at their eyes or calling me slurs :D

anyways i not a fan of the fact that "homosexual behavior on or off campus" warranted for expulsion, since i am a *very* queer and bisexual individual. at my current school, i dont really need to hide my gayness bc no one cares, and my teachers are accepting (my homeroom teachers a lesbian lol <33). i dont think i can handle having to hide such a big part of my identity at home *and* at school :( too add to that i really suck at making friends, so being somewhere without people i'm comfortable with, my anxiety gets really bad, and i just shut down completely.

my hs is p rundown (like most public highschools are) and the classes are average at best, so idk man, im torn :( i dont know if i should suck it up and go to lutheran school bc their good academics, or ✨be myself✨ and go to p shitty school :/

i dont know what to do (or if i can even do anything) abt it i just dont feel too good about this :( you've mentioned you went to a christian school, so do you have any advice? even if you dont, thank you so so much for listening to me rant for a moment there <33 i really treasure you and your blog, atp you feel like the big sister i've never had. i love youuuu <333

That is such a sticky situation. Cause maybe you can try to persuade your parents especially since they'll be paying for the private school on top of college tuition in the future, it can be a huge selling point. I know that's how I won in the decision of beauty school over college it's cheaper. And christian and catholic schools are heavily based in religion like it's a huge part of it so if you don't believe in it it can be absolutely mind numbing. I actually didn't go to Christian school, actually wasn't forced to go to church as a child, I was like 11 and for some reason told grandma Christianity is responsible for all the bad things that happened in the world. Which is wild that I even was able to come to that conclusion as a child she just brushed me off. But I did go to church summer camp to be with my friends which my friend and I got scolded for holding hands but she was just leading me through the crowd of people. So that's still unfortunately a huge part of christian beliefs

the thing that really caught me off guard is the homosexual activity off campus can lead to expulsion. On campus like sucks but is expected of a christian school sadly. But off campus in your day to day life is like your actions off campus shouldn't be judged by the school. Like I can't wrap my mind around that. I think since you have a whole summer maybe look for more schools you can attend I remember doing this in middle school because my home high school was an F school so you could choose any high school within a certain range. You'd be really surprised with how many schools are around you I'm assuming you're in the us but I'm sure everywhere has a ton of schools. And look for a school that holds some of what your parents want and also your own values and needs for your education. And maybe your parents seeing you take initiative might be an extra point.

If your parents are deadset on it. I think try to make the best out of it as much as you can usually there's a group of people in the same boat you're in where their parents forced them to be there. Trust me no matter where you go you will always be drawn to those like you every single time. But if you do get the choice of going to the original public school firstly screw every single racist little bitch who does that to you that is horrid I am so sorry you have to endure that. People suck. But you can also learn extra independently I always did that cause I was a bit ahead of my class. But I really think researching more schools in your area would help you find the perfect school for you. I personally was in love with Waldorf schools they're more creative led schools and freer, I wanted to go to one so badly. So figure out the exact kind of education you want like a magnet school, charter school it doesn't hurt to see how receptive your parents will be to it.

I really hope this helped at all and I hope it works out well for you. And Awwww it's so sweet you see me as a big sister, I gladly be your big sister, love you too🌸🌸🌸

[bookwyrminspiration]

Hi! I saw you rb'd the post about autism and I rlly wanted to talk abt it! I don't live in the US, and therapists where i live are almost the same as you described. Idk if i have ADHD or Autism or something else entirely, but I do know there's something different from me than other people. I've known ever since I was little. I know my brain works differently, I see things differently, and I feel left out because of it. I relate to almost every obscure ADHD symptom (like i relate to the "i got distracted" but also the very specific "not everyone goes through that" ones).

I don't want to self diagnose because I'm nowhere near being an expert on neurodivergency, but I also know I'm different. Idk what to do because I talked to a therapist once about it (we didnt discuss it, i just mentioned it) and she said that if I've gotten this far (i'm 17) without a diagnosis and I've done fine, a diagnosis won't change that. I think that a diagnosis would 100% help because i would at least know for sure because rn i feel like i'm going crazy. Maybe everything I've been experiencing has just been the product of undealt with trauma, idk, but i rlly wish i knew for sure.

I imposter syndrome myself into thinking i'm actually just as normal as everyone else and am just thinking this becusde i want to think i'm "special". Which isn't true i'm 99% sure-

Sorry for the rant. I just dont know what to do :(

Hello, Nonsie! No need to apologize for the rant, I'm sorry you're in this situation. It absolutely sucks when therapists and other mental health professionals are like that. Sometimes it feels like they've made a decision about you already and are just tolerating you the rest of the time and dismissing everything else.

I've also been through the exact same thing with the "I know there's something different about me." I always chalked it up to me being "the gifted kid," but then I was different from all the other gifted kids as well. I didn't know what it was, so I instead turned to fiction and to stories. Especially those with magic and inhuman creatures, because I knew that whatever it was that made someone human, I didn't have it. So I saw myself instead in fairies and fae and as I got older, in monsters (I mean this in a good way). My point is that I think I understand the knowing you're different but not being able to put a finger on it experience. I often describe it as living in a bubble where I can see everyone else and they can see me, but I'm not with them. I'm separate even amongst everyone.

I will just say that if you don't think you're qualified to self-diagnose, I'd suggest looking into it more! Self-diagnoses are incredibly valid and are fairly accepted from what I've seen. Most people are very understanding about the process and about reasons why you might not be able to/not want to get an official diagnosis. I think almost all people who have diagnosed have also had the "I don't know enough to make this call" experience and then go on to look into it before doing so. They're generally not made lightly, instead made with the insight and reflection of weeks, months, years worth of work and research.

Also, I don't know how the rules work wherever you live, but it's possible that you'd be able to look into evaluations outside of your therapist if she is adamant about you not needing one. I know where I live I could find an evaluation location and submit the paperwork independently--though I think as a minor I'd need to include parent contact information, but then again maybe not. And that's also just where I am

You could also approach her or another therapist about it again and say that it's an avenue you'd like to explore even if it won't change much. Therapy is about you, so if you want something you're allowed to express that. One note I'd like to add is that I'd advise against relying on outside sources entirely for confirmation that your experiences aren't you "going crazy." That's not to say that an official diagnosis wouldn't be a relief or a breath of fresh air and a "finally! it was real!" That's an entirely understandable reason to want an evaluation or diagnosis, it's just that things don't always work perfectly and people can be wrong. So if you're basing your understanding entirely on someone else's assessment and they miss something, it can feel like a huge disappointment. And it's more likely when the system isn't friendly towards you.

I can tell you that you aren't making it up and that whatever you've experienced and been through, it is real and valid and you deserve answers about it. Whether those answers come from yourself or through treatment, I hope you find what you're looking for. I actually think a very common and relatable finding out you might be autistic/adhd/something else is obsessing over it and then convincing yourself you're making everything up and are actually normal and just suck at being a person.

I don't know if you want advice, but I think if I were in your situation (based on the knowledge I have) I'd look into it more. There are plenty of YouTube videos and online resources you can use to help figure things out, and if it's something you want then research what options are available in your area and what the requirements are (e.g. age/information/if you can do it alone or not). When I was first exploring all these possibilities, I started a thing in my notes app to keep track of different experiences that could potentially indicate or relate to something so I could look into it later, so maybe that could help!

I'm wishing you the best of luck in whatever comes next for you in this experience <33

#quil's queries #nonsie #autism #adhd #neurodiveristy #I don't know what other areas you might want to look into but if you wanted a few references for looking into autism #then I could share some #in terms of like. online information #different tests you can take (not official evaluations) to give you a sense #or if anyone else wants them :) #long post

[mochiwrites]

A bit late cause im a bit busy with college today wjdjjj

But hey mochi, i feel ya on that part. I have been so stressed out with work here too that I haven't written stuff for like,,,,a few days. Heck, i even stopped drawing bc im so stressed and stuck.

But i know, like always, this is just stress catching up on us. all i can give advice to is to take it easy. Yes it sucks we can't do shit we rlly passionate about, but rn we are bricked/blocked bc of smth irl. And thats fine!! Take a break, do smth different, let ur mind rest for a bit. After getting some kind of refresher, that's when u can pick things back up!

Im picking my stuff up slowly myself, slowly getting back to the groove of writing and drawing. All in all, just take it easy m8 ^^

- purp anon

ueueueue ty 🥺

I’m like 99.9% sure the writer’s block is because of how stressed I am with college, so I’m trying to take a step back and not write anything big until I’m on break (after all I’ve got plans for the one year anniversary of amor lunae <3)

but god yeah it sucks that when irl shit gets super stressful the first thing to go is the ability to do something we’re passionate about. but I’ll be done with this semester next friday so!! hopefully my creative ability will come back full force

#mochi speaks #purp anon #hoping the same for you as well <33

[yomiurinikei]

You doing okay?

hi this is vvv messy but its only under the cut for length reasons (+ vvv brief mention of proshippers/abusers?)

but uhm. yeas everything’s okie + thank u for checking up on me anon i hope ur all good <33

at first i thought this was sent to my spam and was like….. “very weird moment to send an ask about a now deleted post made almost 12 hours ago” BUT then i realized

i am very okay!!!! i’ve been seeing a lot of posts in the sdra tags recently that have me a bit like… side eyeing some people but. my minor crisis’s/“wh… where are you guys hearing this information?” aside, yeas!! mostly it is just funny, but it’s never like… emotionally weighing on me ajsjsjs

i have been…. gennntly considering like. answering the asks i have now and then closing my inbox and making this blog inactive (just keeping it up as an archive) cuz. liiike. it’s hard being in the fandom as long as i have because i see a new person and boom they’re interacting with six people who i know to be pro shippers/in some cases. literal abusers, and so then i feel icky interacting with them/don’t reach out, and then i blink and there’s 30 new friend groups, and it’s just… a Lot?

buuut. ya know. ultimately, i’ve been here since imaginefanganronpas and that whole group, been here through all the insta drama, been here for wikitoria and vvao and on and on and like. akskkdkdkdks i’ll probably never leave, even if sometimes the environment is. a bit stressful to be in. 

i feel like a lot of people who are active right now don’t have context/information on linuj and sdra2 past. the very very basic game, and so like. the experience they’re having with it as people who are getting english translations of dra and sdra2 and can consume everything as quickly as possible is very different to the one i had when like. getting into the game as people were working on dissecting the chapter that had just released, and dra still had like… only the prologue translated. 

uhhh tl;dr - the tumblr fandom is more active now than it’s been in a long while and it’s full of people with a very different understanding of sdra than i have, who i’m not always…. keen on interacting with because they tend to interact with people who i know to be gross but who are good at hiding this, and it’s just. a lot! if i reached out and chatted im sure things would be fine but for assorted reasons, it’s hard to do that.

i need to be more conscientious of the different understandings people have but it’s always been hard for me to process the scope of people who see my posts and to account for what they’re bringing with them when they come to talk to me,, rlly i just need to work up the energy to make my analysis posts and talk to people but. aksjdjdjkd yk 

(also regarding my energy sucking/my not wanting to reach out to people: there is reasons for that but i’m going to talk to my counselor. literally in less than 24 hours and i hope that then i’ll like….. b able to get something done about all that so! it’s okay <3)

…tldr again: ultimately everything’s okay im just stressed and i’ve and rlly rlly bad experiences here before (as we all know akskdksk) so it makes handling the reasons i’m side eyeing people harder, and it’s harder to get over those past fears rn because im. Really Stressed ajsjdjsj. 

it’ll be okay tho <3