#things to talk to my therapist abt ig

[tangledinink]

me and my friends were discussing a dumb personality quiz thing which led to me being told that i'm "the least anxious out of all of us" and "generally very down to earth and relaxed" and that "my version of dangerous thoughts on a bender is just to make TMNT fanart" and im sitting here like

... me?

#damn i really dont tell you guys shit huh #things to talk to my therapist abt ig #i protested to being told that im not an anxious person #and a friend refuted with “oh well the most dangerous thoughts youve ever had while on adderall” #“is making new TMNT AUs” #“as opposed to ME who does X--” #and im like #ok well first of all i take a very low dose of adderall for #you know #adhd #.... which is not the same context as you were always taking it in #also that #its #thats not really #the case #goddamn is this really how you guys view me? #jesus christ #personal #vent

[silenthillbunni]

🎚🥀⛓

#it's so frustrating. i've been having bad anxiety everyday for a couple of months now #and i need to talk about it #but. now the psychiatric said that basically they have different sections responsible for different things. #and where im in contact with now said they dont think they can take me on as a patient bc they dont offer treatment for my issues basically #so they've sent a referral to a clinic for personality disorders #however... they said this can take time and i just have to wait. but i also dont know IF they'll offer me treatment or cant help me #apparently if i get worse i should contact my health care center... i had my last appt w the therapist there yesterday #so..... yeah im just supposed to keep waiting and get no help skskksks #i feel worse than ever rn and i just wanted to talk abt it w someone #'get worse' i am already drowning lmaooooooo #ig i just have to deal w it by myself and endure it. i journal abt it everyday but it isnt doing anything. whatever

[myatlantispoets]

Imagine being a student and only having to worry abt studying...couldn't be me

#i'm handling 3882 things on top of my studies #i love my bff but we're from like. two different realities it's tragically hilarious #like they're posting abt their 7th trip of the year on their insta story and i'm sitting here wondering when i'm getting my meal tickets #from the government so my sister and i can eat smth other than like bread/pretzels #and i'm not envious cuz i also know they have a lot of issues and their mom is a tool but ig #i'm just bitter abt the fact that like. other people get to have the college life everyone talks just cuz they were born in the right family #y'know?? #and it's not smth i like to dwell on for too long but i just had therapy and we talked abt this #and my therapist pointed out that like. i simply do not have a 'typical' reality. her exact words #and yeah #venting #personal

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

i know i make this post like once a month but i love trying to figure out whether whatever’s going on with my body is just my body, from being anxious, or if i have covid (sarcasm)

#my tonsil is swollen which happens every couple months #but i feel a tickle in my throat and am trying to figure out if im actually having weird breathing things or if it’s pollen/me being anxious #things to talk to my therapist abt ig but. #seriously worried that the girl Friday morning gave me something #i was standing next to her and she pulled down her mask to blow her nose and it wasn’t an n95 so im. kinda freaking out abt that #might lose it. who knows #vent tw #not next to the girl but like. 2 ft away. bc i was by the door and she came in a few minutes after me

[rainbowtvz]

i just remembered some rly old fandom discourse abt how shipping fran bow with sal from sally face was problematic bc according to the timelines fran would be waaaaay older than sal and he would be a teen and like...... idk if this was prior to chapter 4 but bro is an adult the entire game and his story is being told to us (the viewer/jury) via dreams, and retelling memories.

#ppl find the bizarrest things to be upset about i feel #my “”“theory”“” if you can call it that is backed up by canon ingame cutscenes when he's talking to his #government assigned therapist and then later the judge/jury #like the gavel scene in particular interrupts part of what he's talking abt #ch 5 is the only Current Events part of the game #well part of ch 4 too ig bc theres a bit of a timeskip before 5 starts #but ykwim

[beachboysnatural]

My relationship to food is so crazy fr and by that I mean just this side of unhealthy

#trigger warning for food discussion stuff ig things got personal in the tags #i like eating and i have no problems with how my body looks!! i'm hot and i know it #but like there is a Pattern of weird food related shit in my life #like when i was hella depressed i wasn't eating enough obvi and i think my stomach like shrank or smth #and then there was the time in the sixth grade where i tried to give myself an ed which is its own can of worms #i think i felt pressured to have one because it was a common experience or smth?? I dont even know #i was soooo not ok in middle school. this will shock no one #and then like sometimes i'll just not eat even though im starving and have food nearby #which is probs part of the adhd/autism package #but like WHY #WHY do i do that?? #im worried abt health issues in college because of food and not having my parents around to be like 'eat' #but also i'll be able to control everything that i eat and no one will tell me not to eat something #so maybe it wont be that bad!! #i should talk to my therapist abt all of this wtf. #persannal #dont rb or else

[snekdood]

No one accepted you and loved you unconditionally and instead of doing it for yourself you take it out on anyone who has figured out how to do it for themselves.

#mood #ig im just builp dipperent #like. no one accepted me for shit either. everyone around me had somethin judgemental to say about me. #but i knew it was important to be myself and i knew how much fun i had being myself and that was the most important thing to me. #i always had more fun being myself even when i was alone than submitting and trying to be someone else to make others happy #idk. ig this is the two sides of where ones life ends up of they actually try to do something about loving themselves instead of tkaing it #out on everyone around you. its not like i dont understand its just not an excuse and it still wasnt okay and you've hurt MANY people. #all bc your heart is so bitter and you cant even being yourself to even imagine loving yourself genuinely. you rely so heavily on everyone #outsid eof you to validate that you're good and lovable but even the people around you have shit to talk to #thats an unstable way to feel like who you are is inherently lovable. you and i both know that and you and i both know why #ig lets keep praying they dont find out. #idk why i do this or try to help you sort through your trauma. i guess i feel so guilty that you have no one to work on this with bc you #probably cant afford a therapist or dont care enough abt yourself to get one. #its not my job to help you introspect but ig for the sake of you learning how important it is to be honest with others but more importantly #yourself i feel some type of obligation. #but i cant keep doing this. i cant keep trying to understand you and your thought process.i cant keep sitting here letting you bully me in #public but we both know you're looking at this sorta shit in private. #i dont deserve to be abused like this and its not my job to make you feel better or figure yourself out or help you work on your trauma #or help you recognize where the bs behavior you have comes from and help you try to work on it to become better #bc truth is. idk if you actually care about being better or you just like to know that i still care about you on some level in spite of #everything youve done. ig im hopeful you can be brought out of your shitty resentful bitter vengeful state against humanity that leads you #to hurt people with no mercy all for your own gain. ig im hopeful you can change but quite honestly its not my job to help you with it #esp with the way you treat me publicly anyways. #part of me really hopes you're not just one of those edgy disecfected people from 4chan or whatever who just doesnt care about hurting ppl #and justifies it bc you think someones cringe. im sure thats what you try to tell everyone im like but im finding more and mkre that #iterally everything you accuse me of is projection. even aside from the sa. just so ppl dont look into your history and focus on attacking #me instead. #hell. i wouldnt be surprised to find out you're a kiwifarmer weaponziing ppl on heres intention to help and be moral and weaponizing #the fact that ppl used to think callouts were the way to do that. literally wouldnt surprise me an inch.

[ieatsoapdotcom]

hngh

#recently talked with my therapist abt my social needs #and i know i have a pretty high one #but it was usually kept at bay because i was talking with people in vc almost rvery day #but now that everythings kinda quiet and i havent fone that in a couple days i feel very #lonely.. ig??? i dont wanna be annoying tho or force anything so ill just wait for things to become more lively again #i also have my own shit to handle rn but still #¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i feel bad but it may also be the winter depression speaking #whatever idc im fine

[generalmalfeasance]

Me 6pm : yah I'll totally go berry picking w u mom! And I will try to do more around the house

Me currently 11 hours later: not asleep depressed, taking a bath, "mmmmm what if I was depressed tho"

#i cant see my therapist till i pay off my payment thing cause i dont wanna have another payment added #and then like #idek #ive just been hella depressed abt my career goals and major and job #how i interact with people #how i approach conflict #idk lotsa things swimming around in my brain #been staying up late more bc of my meds #its funny cause nortryptaline is supposed to help u w pain but tapering off of it made my pain worse...and when i was on it it just raised #my blood pressure #i have a guest staying at my house and constantly interacting with her is getting annoying #shes a nice person i just... #yeah #i called her kid cause shes younger than me but it felt weird cause of my old friend who used to call me that ...and was GROSS #so ig i wont anymore #idk its weird #i dont talk to him anymore #im glad #of all the friendships ive severed im not sad about him #sure he helped me out when i needed it #but he also made me feel like shit #im less mentally ok than i think #then i blame my tiredness and mental drainage on myself #just continually going at it #im not like mentally stable #lately not acknowledging st and just #pretending it doesnt exist is the way ive been coping #people in my life #still in my life have done wrong #and have caused me pain and yet im supposed to forgive them with a simple apology

[mx-misty-eyed]

yo so turns out i do have ocd

#was talking to my therapist and she was like “yeah you have ocd” #and she said she’d prescribe me meds for it if she could #honestly i’m really glad to have a ‘diagnosis’ (i don’t think it’s technically an official one i mean but still) because it’s just rly #validating yknow #idk how to articulate it but it’s just nice knowing that it’s a real/valid thing that i’m going through if that makes sense #but yea she said she’d talk to my mom abt getting meds but so far my mom has been really against it #but yeah we’ll see ig #crow

[crazykitsch]

heyy babe! just had a thought abt marc and reader being in the same friend group and they have a friends with benefits thing going and at a party some guy is flirting with her and he gets jealous and there’s an angsty confession🫣

Marc Guiu : killin’ me good

pairing: marc guiu x reader

warnings: none(?) apart from my terrible writing

❝I think of you more than I should, I die when you give me that look. You’re killin’ me, killin’ me good.❞

Recently my .. friend I guess? Well, Marc has been gaining quite a lot of attention from the media. What nobody knows though, is that me and him kind of have a thing going on. I mean we’re definitely not official, it’s more a friends with benefits kind of thing.

It started with one kiss, and then one more came and more and more and we kind of started acting like a couple when no one’s around but then again also not?? Really confusing, I know.

One big thing about being friends with benefits is obviously to not catch feelings. Failed. Can you blame me though? He’s fine, tall, sweet and I can go on for an hour. I don’t think he likes me like that though, im not really a special girl or anything to be honest.

~

GROUPCHAT: la masia 💙❤️ + y/n & liz😒

lamain hoe:

are we still all going to mateo’s party tonight ??

pau cubarsi:

depends if youre all going

liz gf mwah 💋:

im going if y/n’s going 🤷‍♀️

hector 👎:

same thing for marc

y/n:

im coming for liz ❤️❤️

liz gf mwah 💋:

love you bae

marc 🫶:

hi

hector next time i see you i’ll hit you and drag you to the ground

but yes im coming too

lamain hoe:

didnt need to know all that but okay! i’ll see all of you then ig ??

~

PRIVATE CHAT: liz gf mwah 💋 & y/n bae 🎀

y/n bae 🎀:

kill me 🙏🙏🙏🙏

liz gf mwah 💋:

oh

no hi

no good evening

but alright!

want me to get you a therapist?

y/n bae 🎀:

my life is too complicated for a therapist to handle

friends with benefits is the dumbest thing i’ve ever done oh my god how did i fall for him

liz gf mwah 💋:

OOOOOOOOOH

YOU LIKE MARC?!??!?,?

y/n bae 🎀

STOP.

i dont know what to do ☹️

and that party tonight ????should i talk to other guys??? or is that weird???? and would he want to talk to other girls????

i guess theres only one solution: moving to a another country 🎀💌🩷🦢

liz gf mwah 💋:

i mean if you want to talk to other guys you should do it, you could try to get over him if thats what you want

and if you move to another country pls take me with you 🙏

y/n bae 🎀:

thank you queen you’re so wise

~

I’m getting ready for tonight while listening to some music. I can’t stop thinking about marc though.. but I guess that’s a problem for in an hour.

Okay i’m finally ready and hear the bell ring, I look out of my window and see Liz. I run downstairs and open the door. ‘Hi future mrs Guiu!’ she says teasingly, ‘Liz oh my god shut up.’ I reply. I mean not that I wouldn’t like it.. but still.

‘Are you ready to go y/n?’ ‘Yes Liz’ I say and we start walking to the party. Luckily Mateo only lives like 7 minutes away from us. As we enter his house we see Lamine and Hector and greet them. We talk for a bit but then I really needed to go to the bathroom. ‘I’ll be back in a few minutes, bye!’ I say.

I’ve been at Mateo’s house a few time so luckily I know where the bathroom is.

After i’m done I wanted to walk back to where my friends were but then a guy walked up to me. He’s quite tall and attractive.. but nothing next to Marc though.

‘Hey pretty girl.’ he says.. oh my god what do I say!?!?? ‘Hey, i’ve never seen you before’ I reply. I suck at talking to guys oh my god. ‘I’ve never seen such pretty girls in Barcelona either’ ‘Oh really? There are a lot.’ I say, my god y/n am I trying to introduce him to other girls or something?? ‘Hmm I highly doubt it.’ he says and I notice he’s standing closer to me now.

I smile as we hold eye contact but then I look to my left.. from all the people I could see right now I see Marc. Marc Guiu. This world is plotting against me.

I see him looking kind of annoyed? But at the same time upset and mad. What do I do? Do I go after a guy that’s technically just a friend or do I stay here talking to a guy thats actually interested in me? The first option.

‘Sorry.. i’ll be back!’ I say to the guy who’s name I didn’t even get. I walk towards where Marc was walking and see he’s with our friend group.

‘Hi..’ I say. ‘You took long, thought you were making out with someone for a minute’ Liz says and I can see Marc getting more annoyed.. ‘Wouldn’t be surprised at this point.’ Lamine says jokingly and I reply ‘Don’t be mad at me because you cant pull Lamine.’

‘I’m going home, you coming with me Hector?’ Marc says all of a sudden. ‘Oh yeah sure.’ Hector replies. ‘Oh.. ehm, bye Marc.’ I say but he ignores me, maybe he just didn’t hear me.. but then again when the rest of the group says bye he does say something, odd.

A few hours later the party is done and me and Liz walk home. ‘Liz? After I went to the bathroom a guy walked up to me.. we started talking and he seemed interested.’ I say. ‘Oh my god really? Im so happy for you!’ ‘Thank you, don’t think Marc is happy for me though. He saw us and didn’t look too excited for me.. and when we both were back to our friendgroup he also looked annoyed and ignored me.’ I say. ‘You know what that means right y/n?? He likes you.’ You see, I really love Liz.. but sometimes she IS delusional because there’s no way.

The next day I wake up and luckily it’s still weekend. I open my phone and decide to text Marc since we were supposed to hang out today.

~

PRIVATE CHAT: marc 🫶 & y/n 😺

y/n 😺:

hi marc

are we still hanging out today ?

marc 🫶:

dont know

wouldnt u prefer to hang out with that ugly, shrek looking guy?

y/n 😺:

wdym?

is that why you didnt talk to me at all yesterday?

please reply ☹️

~

Fuck. He’s leaving me on opened. Now a smart woman would take this as a sign to leave him alone and move on. Yet I am not that intelligent so I decide to text Hector.

~

PRIVATE CHAT: hector 👎 & y/n 🦭

y/n 🦭:

hiiiii bff!

hector 👎:

since when

y/n 🦭:

since now.

look you and marc are besties right

and you love me right😁

hector 👎:

no

y/n 🦭:

oh

well ..

would you be so kind to tell me why marc is so upset with me all of a sudden

hector 👎:

not saying marc said anything to me, but imagine if a guy you really liked started flirting with other girls all of a sudden 🤷‍♀️

y/n 🦭:

OH

~

What do you mean Marc likes me? What the fuck should I do now??? Okay you know, fuck it i guess i’ll just go to his house.

Ten minutes later i’m walking to his house and think about what I should say to him. Before I know it i’m there and knock on the door. ‘Okay girl, you got this.’ I say to myself.

His mom opens the door, okay atleast it’s not Marc. ‘Hi y/n! Marc is in his room.’ she says, ‘Hi, thank you’ I say as I walk in. ‘He seems a bit upset.. maybe you can cheer him up?’ his mom says. ‘Yeah I noticed, i’ll try.’ I say and I walk to his bedroom. Okay girl you got this just knock on his door and tell him how you feel.

I knock on his door and walk in ‘H- Hi Marc..’ I say, god why do I do these things to myself. ‘Hm? What do you want?’ he says. ‘Uhm.. I..’ I say, I can’t find the words to tell him how I feel. ‘Continue.’ he says. Okay this is my chance, don’t fuck up. ‘Look, long story short.. I do not want to be friends with benefits, as a matter of fact I.. I do not want to be friends at all. I like you. As in more than a friend and more than a friend with benefits way.’ I say and only now I realize what I just said. I hope he really does feel the same.

Marc is silent for a minute and right when i’m about to freak out he says ‘I like you too. I don’t want to be friends with benefits anymore either.’

‘Then.. lets not be.’ I say. ‘Y/n, will you let me be your boyfriend?’ He asks and that question sounds unreal to me. I never really expected Marc to ask me that. I reply ‘Yes, i’d love that Marc.’

I smile at him and hug him, he grabs my waist. ‘Were you jealous? back at that party?’ I ask him, ‘How could you tell?’ he says while laughing like it wasn’t obvious. ‘You’re not the best at hiding your emotions.’ I say. ‘Can’t help it when someone flirts with you, don’t like it when you give other guys attention.’ he says. I laugh and say ‘I won’t from now on.’

His mother walks towards the stairs and shouts ‘Y/n? Are you staying for dinner tonight?’ I smile, look at Marc and say ‘Yes i’d love to!’

A/n: Hellaurrrr pookies,, im a bit slow I apologize but im trying my best to work on all requests!! Hope you like it 😜🫶

#fc barcelona #marc guiu #marc guiu x reader #marc guiu fluff #la masia #barca

[aroaceconfessions]

i would be interested in having sex in theory, but then i remember that it would require me to take my clothes off and i don't know if i could ever be fully comfortable with that... ig it's a combination of gender issues and just not liking the feeling of being naked, and also the idea of having to be naked in front of????? another person???? is so wild to me???? is it really something most people r just chill with??? bc i can't even begin to conceptualize that. it's just such an alien idea in my head

idk i guess i just have this weird thing in my head where i'm like yes i know my body is normal and there's nothing particularly weird abt my features but also somehow i'm just Different and Hideous and anyone who ever saw me naked would would only be grossed out. logically i know that's not true!! but emotionally i can't shake it. the idea of another human being seeing my body makes me want to cry. maybe i should talk to a therapist about that lol

#questioning #sex averse #sex favorable #i'm assuming the gender issues are a trans thing? #dysphoria #gender dysphoria #trans #transgender #nonbinary #non binary #non-binary #nb #enby #self esteem #body dysmorphia #mental health

[coexistentialism]

tws in tags

i have 0 actual memories, keep in mind, save for a possible rape memory from when i was 8 but look im in denial of everything so that memory isnt real /vented joke - but my art and writing that involve csa stuff, a lot of involve like.. "being forced to be a child porn actor" for child sexual exploitation material. essentially

and just like. other stuff similar to that and whatever that really Only happen in oa settings, from my understanding

which is (partially) Why i suspect oa

*the other reason is some like. weird, out of place memories that feel weird to me, ill get to that maybe



and when i talked to my therapist about all of this, i like. couldnt even say that my artwork and writing depicted that stuff, like out loud i couldnt say "child sexual exploitation material" i just Couldn't. or even describe really what my art and writing depict

and then like a couple minutes later, i was like. able to say it, with at least just a little bit of discomfort and difficulty

like i couldnt say it when it came to explaining what my writing and artwork depicted, but when it came to explaining like what i mean by organized abuse, i was able to say it out loud, at least with less difficulty

i couldnt say what my art and writing depicted, but i was able to explain it definitionally ?? is how id explain it ig lol

and im thinking abt this bc i know ive heard of other programming and/or oa survivors describe having this difficulty with Saying The Things Out Loud and im just kinda. hm.

obviously i can type this stuff out here lol. just saying things out loud is different, obviously

"being forced to being a child porn actor for csem" is. good descriptor for it all. like yeah that about kinda sums it up. even w/out the csem part tho, still forced to be some child porn star for whoever

#my posts #tw oa #tw organized abuse #tw csa #possibly delete later bc god knows u cant b open abt csa stuff like this on tumblr w/out horrific inbox msgs #also embarrassed abt this post lmfao

[girlwithfish]

i havent talked abt some of the most traumatic things that have happened in my relationship w my therapist. ive mentioned a few things but theres sm more i havent said or has ckme up ig. idk is it productive to even talk abt. but like idk shld my therapist known ive been smothered and attacked and shit idk 😎👍

#she knows he wld grab me and wed get into physical fights but yeah #lol.. #idk #I feel i need a more structured plan 4 Healing like what am i eben doing w my life lol #but idk if thats how healing works. Lol

[yuukei-yikes]

love ur shinaya breakup tbh read all of it and it's honestly accurate i think the screaming match isnt necessarily ooc bc ayano has the capacity to get ANGRY and yell honestly i think it would be more like shintaro raises his voice and then ayano snaps and starts screaming and shintaro instantly is like O_O kind of just freezes bc THIS isnt the ayano he knows (the one he usually sees/i feel like he would know that this part of ayano is a real part of her but he doesnt like it bc some part of him still relies on her to be the usual "ayano" as a form of consistency in his life especially post str bc if ayano acts like ayano then that means things r okay and normal and he doesnt have to think abt the timelines where ayano died and STAYED dead and also specifically ayak) he doesnt know how to deal with that rn so after a bit of being yelled at he basically stops talking and ayano is like WHY ARENT U SAYING ANYTHING and shintaro is just like ermmm well uhmmm which pisses off ayano even more she just starts crying bc she's so overwhelmed and doesnt know what to do with herself anymore and shintaro is awkwardly standing there and then they just dont talk abt it or breaking up but they basically break up after that erm sorry for the long ask

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES god this ask made me so excited i fell off my chair no joke. bc i was reading and i was agreeing so hard i was excited. and i um fell off my chair.

IM GONNA BE HONEST I SAID "OOC" AS SORT OF A DISCLAIMER BC ITS KINDA A HOT TAKE IG.... i was like (looks around) i dont wanna be called out or something. but to me its totally in character. i mean ayano gets angry in canon. i love that its canon that she really plays the nice girl role in front of shintaro (and haruka&takane) but at home with mekatrio we see her a lot more vulnerable/able to be angry.

the way i imagine them is usually ayano ending in tears most of the time but when They Break Up like for realsies it's when ayano is just PISSED. shitshow gone too far mode. and i think it starts off from something completely stupid like always, something casual abt WHY WONT U HOLD MY HAND IN PUBLIC!! like something totally idiotic but like i said in the other ask its just all these bottled up emotions and eventually ayano just fucking explodes lmao. shintaro is totally shocked like u say but i think it's such a relief for him somehow because this is it. THIS is what he deserved all along. THIS is what he's been searching for. ayano being mad at him. ayano making him pay for everything. and he's like YEAH!! YELL AT ME MORE!! I DESERVE IT!!! I CAN FINALLY MAKE THINGS UP TO YOU IF UR ANGRY. and that pisses ayano off even more because WHAT are you talking about??? since when is this about what u deserve?? since when am i some sort of trophy wife you feel guilty for having??? i dont want that!! have you been doing this on purpose!?!?!?!? and she DUMPS HIS ASS

everytime theyve broken up before (on and off slay) it's by shintaro and ayano ends in dramatic tears while shintaro is just like angrily pacing around his room. when AYANO dumps him this time and for good, shintaro is in tears. he's such a mess. takane who's been comforting ayano each and every single time shintaro has made her cry and per her request playing this crazy relationship therapist, goes to her fully intending to do it again. like fully intending to comfort her and talk some sense into her thinking theyre just gonna get back together like always. but this time ayano isn't crying at all, she just breathes in relief and talks about the huge weight she got off her back. and takane's like ...ohhh... this time it's different.

usually, the procedure would be ayano sobbing to takane BWAA PLEASE TALK TO HIM and then takane going to yell at shintaro but this time it's SHINTARO who's like. PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU TALK TO HER.

shintaro on the other hand is such a mess. sorry to bring takane into everything💖 but having him sob in her arms is like the icing on the cake bc his thing with her is not THE problem but one of the (many) problems and shintaro REALLY doesn't learn. he is despaired over ayano and crying on takane again, just like back then. and he loves it in an insane way. because this is so comfortable. this is familiar. it is so so painful. he is so heartbroken but it is so familiar. its not more painful than having ayano by his side because ayano's company terrifies him. her survival is one in its kind in all the timelines, and it has been so terrifying to see something new after seeing the same for so long. especially because the something new is her going out with him of all things?? he has so much regret and self loathing and guilt and FEAR OF LOSING EVERYTHING BC NOW ITS NEW AND IT'S NEVER BEEN NEW AND THAT'S SO SCARY to work through that he cannot enjoy it, he's terrified of it instead and acted the way he did essentially so it'd end the way it'd end. and yeah he's whining about wanting her back and he really does but it's like... you know, the same as back then. lol.

so like ayano, he is also relieved. but in totally different ways. does that make sense. erm. hehe

#ask tag #headcanons #ayashin divorce

[megbonney]

this year has felt way too fast because i realise for 80% of it i was getting mentally rotted by men. let's do a wrapped (of the ones i haven't forgotten).

EBF: first bf for like 2 years. i cut off my best friend under his influence. tried to convince me they were grooming me. tried to convince me i wasn't genderfluid. tried to get his therapist to therapise me. tried to get me to see a therapist. dropped out of school and had virtually no ambition. i had to pretend to be straight infront of his friends. accused me of cheating on him with one of said friends. i felt like he was cheating on me with my "friend" at the time. i had no one besides him. he was attached to me like a parasite and i hated it. dumped him. couldn't handle just staying friends. also killed my self image. went celibate after. oh and he went thru my dms bc that's totally normal. cancer man. 2. RICHIE RICH: was into him during "friends" stage with EBF. met on ow but never really played together. went to a private roman catholic school. led me on. sent me music recs but they were too indie for my teen angst at the time. "friend" made me let her follow him bc she's weird. he didn't see anything wrong with it despite my discomfort. got sick of it bc he was stringing me on and blocked me for being upset. also was confused as to why i wasn't able to go shopping every wknd and didn't understand why i wanted a job bc he was privileged and had an allowance. i tried to meet up but he folded. followed me back on insta 2 or so weeks ago. we haven't spoken. goofy 3. COWORKER: met at first shift. i called him pretty bc that's the only word to rlly describe him and he told other coworkers i tried to ask him out. shorter than me. played war thunder. was really sweet at first. suddenly had coworkers asking if i'd date him. realised he was running his mouth. we watched fury and bladerunner 2077 together. began going dry after i told him i was moving. started being a dickhead. started telling coworkers i was a lesbian. i tried to sort it out but he tried to gaslight me about it. i think he quit atp. good riddance 3. NARC: 23 or 21 yr old man idk. bastion main. had a gf i didn't know abt. treated me like a gf. had an entire fake life. claimed to be a "narcissist and compulsive liar." talked abt his ex the entire time. very degrading. i found his ig and he was actually ugly af. only good thing was that he wasn't codependent. ghosted him after he went dry on me when i got my period. msged his gf and it's been like a month or two without a response. he bought me nitro tho so that was sick. 4. FURRY: was friends with him at the same time as NARC. he also knew about COWORKER because it was roughly right as we met. wanted to be a musician and twitch streamer. 19. balding. had a mommy kink but tried to make me sub. gained feelings for me. i friendzoned him. then he tried to say he was in love a week later. he was parasite #2. friends with MANCHILD. double texted all the time. gooner. cut him off. tried to create tension between fig and i. into the weirdest shit i've ever seen. objectified me. genuinely liked oliver tree. also bought me nitro. 5. MANCHILD: turned 20 like last week. had a gf. never hung out with her. spent everyday hanging out with fig and i. was too stupid so him and fig argued often. tried to make me mediate. most stressful time of yr. i bought him 2 games and he lied to his gf about where he got them from. he also lied about why he got rdr2. backseat gamed everything. whiny. asked me how many fingers i could fit on vc at 2am. also asked me if i'd ever have a 4sum with fig . is now insisting i trapped him because i told people about what happened. 6. CURRENTLY: nothing! i probs forgot some things but a funny thing to note was that i know every guy on this lists' names and most info about them. it was also hard because i wanted to keep all of them approx the same length. happy 2023 ?