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puffins-studio · 7 months

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Jason Grace ⚡️

I think the reason am so excited now for the Percy Jack and the Chalice of the gods, is I think it seems like it a chance to experience Percy Jackson in the moment. I been in the fandom for a bit, even tho it seems like it just me in my little corner when the books come out. But I got into them when the Apollo trials were being released. And this is the first time for me me a book is going to come out that has Percy as a main character. So my brain is just making it randomly special. Last minute I decided I wanted to post something, and I have the 7 made plus two mystery people, so I decided to post one of them and I thought what better why to celebrate then with a joke. As aren’t you wondering ’where’s percy?’

I do love Jason, he deserved to have lived. It why he lives in my headcannons

Hazel

Percy & Annabeth

Nico & Will (tsats spoilers)

Leo

Many Jason headcannons below as I love headcannons and love sharing them.

[ID: The picture is a felt doll that is the shape of a gingerbread men with a big circle head he is Jason Grace from Percy Jackson. He have light skin felt, blond short hair, Gold rim glass, and a little scar where a mouth would’ve be. He have on a yellow shirt, tan jacket, that have a purple, orange, and yellow bead for pins. He in light blue jeans that are cuffed, and a chain hanging on his right side. He in black converse like shoes. He have a bracelet on this right that is a braid of purple,blue, and black. And another that is an asexual color one, black,grey,white,purple. He have a camp half blood necklace with a purple and a yellow bead. And he have a white round bead that is supposed to be a stand in for a moon theme necklace.:ID]

Jason headcannons

Surviving

Either Hera was watching and was mad that Zeus’s punishment for Apollo would get her champion killed and give Apollo some of his healing powers or saved Jason from the killing blow. Kinda to also show the gods can be cruel but also kind. Or Artemis save him as she save Apollo and Jason is also like a brother as Thalia convince her. It also as he had plans to build the temples so maybe one of the minor god healed him as he maybe for Storm to fall, Jason just need to let go and fall a get high. Lol like god level trust fall.

Pants

Jason had a hard time trying to find pants that would fit and when he finally found pant that fit his waist they were too long in the leg. He was going to hem them but he keep forgetting so he just cuff them and Will sees and ask Nico about it and Nico is like should I tell him- no this is funny. And it just Jason doing a ton of bi things without knowing

the chain, Nico and Jason do activities together as they both have memories parts, and Nico take it upon himself as a favor for Thaila, to show him the way of being a punk. Just imagine the first day of this, Nico just clip the chain to his pants and he just “look at you, already looking the part” and the black shoes are a part of this. Thinking he may try to paint lights bolts on them or something.

Jacket

power wise with Jason’s flight a aviator jacket is better for him when flighting but he doesn’t want to copy Nico’s look in case it upset him (it won’t, Nico would just tease him about it) but so he gets this coat and Nico end up teasing him as it an old man jacket and Jason tease back saying if course Nico knows this as he is an old man. (When trying to find a reference picture i didn’t know what this jacket was calls and so typed old man jackets and it popped up

Pins I kinda can’t remember as I forgot to note it down, but I think it the two camps, and some random lighting pin Nico, or Leo found, or they can just be pins the 7 found that made them think of Jason so he have something that reminds him that he is someone.

Bracelets

Going with Nico’s adventure with the Apollo bracelet making. He makes Jason and Percy matching bug 3 bl as they always joke they are brothers and just Nico leaving them in their cabins as he doesn’t want to make a scene, but Jason and Percy find one of them in cabin 1 when Percy was hanging out together and they are like wait and run to cabin 3 to find Percy’s and they put them on and go run over to find Nico and they make a big fus about Nico does love them and Nico is like no thr purl for heazl, black is for him and he likes the color blue but they just ruffles his hair.

And he have a ace bracelet from Nico too. He the first to get a pride bracelet from Nico and he help Nico put on his as he helped him get to this place where he could be proud so Nico wanted him to tie it as like a sign of trust.

Asexual

I feel like a headcannon a lot of Percy Jackson characters as ace but we deserve it. As also like sex repulsedace son of Jupiter/ Zeus kinda funny in my book. Like Dad is basically known for hooking up and Jason is like nope. Him and Nico being two confused aces together as like Nico trying to explain it to him and Jason like isn’t that how everyone feels? And once Nico knows what he feeling has a name, he runs to Jason to tell him too.

I headcannon Artemis lets any gender join the hunter they just have to sworn off sex and be loyal to her (if you like that took then look up the myth of hippolytus by Overly Sarcastic Productions. I love that channel too!). And each time the hunters visit campus they ask if anyone want to join. One time when they come around when Nico and Will got together, before Nico tells Thalia about them, she ask if he wants to join as she thought he still didn’t feel like he has a place and he like no I think if found a place with the help of Will, Jason, and everyone here. and then she also asked Jason if he want to join them. and he thought about it for a moment and realized he already been through a lot, does he really want an immoral life of it, and what sold him on not joining is he happens to looked over to where Nico was watching him and he saw Nico’s worry eyes, a look basically pleading him not to go. And that night Jason and Nico have a sleepover in the hades cabin, with Nico may or may not having saying that he wants Jason to be his brother and he will be his brother in return.

The necklace is also like a thing for Artemis/Diana (for if she the one who save him), the hunt/his sister, and ace pride. I feel in his look for his identity, finally realizing one part of himself that makes him him, he would just be happy about it, and full embrace it.

Random

Him and Percy dare each other to do stupid things like when Jason meet a new camp just hit himself with lightning and act as if nothing happens

Am going to add another headcannon here as I like it and I need it.

Being hit in the head

Jason with actual brain damage from all his concussion . I want him with a TBI, him having memory problems, having a harder time spelling and reading. As someone with a TBI I want a character with a brain injury that isn’t a vegetable, who just get angered every 10 minutes or just walks it off. Him talking with Will/Chiron about concussions and stuff and him being a bit worried about hitting his head again, him and Nico talking about memory issues. Give him a bit of a speech impediment or sensitive to lights and sounds. Jason and Nico hanging out in the dark hades cabin when they have migraine days. Jason asking Will for help for a talk to the camp about being cautious about any type of brain injury. As the brain is important and weird and it can behave differently for everyone, and healing magic can’t heal it completely, so they need to be careful.

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andromeddog · 3 months

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i just discovered your art and just- wow. where did you learn to draw??

hi wow thanks for the ask!! this is such an interesting question let me see if i can do it justice uuhhhHHHH ive been drawing basically for most of my life but i only rly started taking it seriously/wanting to rly study and improve when i was in junior year of hs i think. then i went to art school (shout out vcuarts) and got my bachelors in communication arts (basically illustration)

since i left school its been a whole thing to keep myself learning. i do figure drawing stuff here and there, i study other artists i admire, i try to keep it fun for myself and also! the past few years i’ve been rly pivoting my professional career to a graphic design + illustration sort of thing and it’s been going well, getting more into design has rly helped with color and hierarchy and composition

THO i have to say while i learned a lot of technical stuff in school i didnt rly feel my work improving until post college… the stuff i made in school was so heinously bad im a little shocked lol (this is where id post some college stuff if my laptop didnt die and lose almost all of my digital work from 2013-2017ish) after college i just…. kept drawing! except it was mostly for my enjoyment which is where i rly began to get better. something about getting to do what i wanted to do instead of what i thought people wanted me to do was really an incentive to keep going

ALSO SHOUT OUT TO 2019 ACADEMY AWARD WINNING FILM 1917 for setting me down a path of insane obsession that years later has me averaging 3-6 hours a day working on uniform and various war related drawings. being disgustingly and obscenely obsessed with something is really how you learn and improve

#asks #anon #does this answer the question #i’m like 28 now so college was a hot minute ago #i get most of my learning from my job now which is primarily design related #but it does bleed into my illustrations #it’s allllll connected #sorry for this long ass answer anon lol #what’s up with the asks i’ve been getting btw they’re the sweetest nicest things ever

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lemmetreatya · 1 year

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Husband!Reiner x Black!fem Reader

this isnt as hunky dory as i initially thought this to be but i think its still a valid insight into life with rei. surprisingly ive been having a lot of news, convos and experiences with various people in my own life about marriage and children so i guess this post was a subconscious embodiment of that. either way, enjoy 🫶🏾

Husband!Reiner knows he lucked out in bagging you and he absolutely adores people coveting him. everytime he tells someone hes cuffed, he literally cannot wait to show them a picture of you

Husband!Reiner always spoils you when it comes to bringing home gifts. Its rare that he ever comes home empty handed. more times than less he’s entering in with your favourite snacks or maybe a bracelet he thought suited you whilst he was on break earlier in the day

Husband!Reiner isnt picky when it comes to food. that man would eat just about ANYTHING you feed him and say how its the best thing hes ever tasted. not that youre a bad cook, but he’d find a way to praise even the simplest of meals.

“god, baby, this so good!” reiner’s cheeks were bulging full of food whilst he gave his compliment.

with a sweet laugh, you shook your head whilst opening a beer for him by cocking the tin lid with an opener.

“its literally just rice and stew. you eat it all the time by now.” placing the bottle next to his plate, you bent down to kiss his forehead.

he made a grunt of disagreement.

“dont change the fact that it’s always so good!”

Husband!Reiner is quite reserved when it comes to intimacy and sex. the furthest he’d go in terms of public displays of attraction is hold your hand or a quick peck on the cheek. he’d occasionally lean his chin on your shoulder when in the presence of other company.

however, in the private presence of each other, his attitude towards public reservations has never stopped him from pulling you to the side for a quick fuck before you go out with the girls or letting you go down on him once parked outside his family home for a visit.

Husband!Reiner isnt the best with chores. He tried to help in the past, and has the utmost purest intentions when offering his help, but his standard of clean isn’t the same as yours and so you believe you’re better off just doing everything yourself.

Husband!Reiner is really handy with manual labour tho!! if anythings broken around the apartment hes more than happy to get on it right away. if hes unsure how, he’ll find a tutorial on youtube and work it out from there

Husband!Reiner helps with all the tricky stuff with your hair. whether it be helping you to twist it before bed, wash day or being a live wighead for you to style your pieces — he’s available.

he learnt especially for you but always says if he’s possibly going to have a black daughter one day then hes gonna have to learn.

Husband!Reiner wants kids. its one of the few things the two of you disagree on and several arguments have lead out from that. he loves kids in general but he gets particularly broody whenever he babysits or goes to visit his baby cousin gabi.

it also doesnt help that Husband!Reiner has a particular breeding kink. hes okay with you going on BC because that’s your business and it means he can bottom out anytime! but it does sadden him that in result it means he cant give smol gabi a playmate

“i just think it’d be nice for her to have someone to play with!” he said as he tooths another parting in your hair with the metal rod of the comb. he gingerly took a scoop of hair grease from the tub before layering it down onto your exposed scalp.

“but rei, thats not your— our —responsibility to deal with. its her parents job to give her a sibling if need be so you gotta stop stressing about it like it’s your problem to solve.”

the man was quiet for awhile as he continued to grease your head. when he sighed, he looked over at the two of you within the mirror.

“i know.” he said after awhile. “i just…i never had any siblings or cousins growing up, you know? i don’t know if id want her to go through the same thing i did.”

Husband!Reiner is very family oriented. even though its just the two of you, he still tries his best to make the most of holidays and time off. he always insists you have at least two ‘holidays’ to yourselves a year — sometimes abroad, sometimes on an excursion or even just a spa weekend away. that way when it comes to festive holidays, there isn’t a feeling of fatigue from NOT spending time with each other, meaning you can spend it with extended family and not feel drained from lack of timeout

Husband!Reiner smokes as a habit rather than a coping mechanism. his favourite brands are malboros but you absolutely hate the fresh smell of the smoke once hes come to you after one. he doesnt smoke as much as he did when you first met him.

(back then, he promised to ween off of them if you were to give him a chance! — he did for awhile but after he got closer to the Jaeger’s around a year ago, he picked up the habit again. that’s another thing you two argue about)

“reiner, that fucking stinks. get the fuck outside with that shit, i’ve told you about smoking that nastiness inside here.” you say, flailing your arms by your side as you walk into the living room.

turning around with a face of confusion, reiner spoke slowly in a low tone.

“but i literally am outside, im on the balcony.”

“then close the door! all that smoke is coming inside and it’s stinking up the place.” you exclaimed.

“but i wanna watch the match at the same time.” reiner pointed towards the tv but you could only shrug.

“watch it through the window then.”

“but then i wouldn’t be able to hear the tv!”

“reiner james braun, i swear—”

reiner didn’t want, nor wait, to hear what else you had to say to him. with a grumble beneath his breath, reiner complied and leaned backwards to slide the balcony door shut, the action slightly shaking the walls.

Husband!Reiner is hospitable but mostly for people he’s used to. he loves setting up gatherings for your friends to come round and enjoy each other’s company. since uni, a lot of you haven’t been able to see each other a lot but reiners a bit like the glue that keeps everyone in touch

however, since all of you know each other from around the same time (and because they paired the two of you up!) your friends sometimes felt responsible for your relationship and were weary of any ‘threat’ made towards it

“you two thinking of extending the family anytime soon?” mikasa said, her voice hushed as you, her and annie sat on the balcony and away from the bustle of everyone else inside

you made a noise of surprise at her inquiry.

“actually, we have been! i was thinking of getting either a cat or a puppy. im not too keen on dogs but they say if you nurse them from young, you can get them to behave really well.” you deflected as your mug of hot beverage made its way to your lips.

with an amused hum, annie side eyed you.

“you know thats not what she meant.” she said as she took an inhale of her cigarette. “she’s talking about kids and you know it.”

as soon as annie spoke, your mood suddenly soured. with a huff you looked up towards the night sky.

“why does everyone keep asking me this question? im sure no ones asking pieck and porco this shit and they’ve been together longer than us. or you and bertholdt! so why is it me thats always being asked this stuff?”

mikasa shuffled awkwardly in her seat. hugging the blanket she had over her higher towards her chin, she made a dejected sound before speaking. from that alone, you knew she was reluctant to say her next words.

“yeah but…you dont see either of them loudly proclaiming their contrasting ideas. all of them have decided between each other what they want and seem at peace with that. but reiner’s like…the broodiest man ever and never fails to remind us. the fact that you two dont have kids yet means there’s obviously a hold up on your behalf.”

at mikasas bold words, a dry laugh left your mouth. was this seriously the conversation you were having right now?

shrugging your shoulders, you gave her a wild look

“so?! is it such a bad thing for me to not want them? why’s everyone coddling around reiner and his needs of wanting kids? whys no one thinking of me — the person whos gonna have to carry said child and be their primary care giver — who says im ready to give this life up for that?! why’s no one taking my choices into consideration?”

softly hopping in her seat, mikasa briefly hid her face behind the blanket before pouting over at you.

“i am taking you into consideration! and i know! and im sorry for bringing it up again. eren put me up for asking because he says hes sick of reiner’s whining in the guy’s groupchat. you know im on your side regardless.”

mikasa laid her hand over on your exposed arm, her face laced with remorse but you couldn’t help but feel a twinge of discontent at the knowledge that reiner was vocal to your friends about you not wanting children.

blinking forwards, you could only weakly shrug. even though mikasa had given her reasoning for asking, you still couldn’t help but feel slightly betrayed

“i know, man but just… miss me with that bullshit. i know what im saying when i say i don’t want em right now.” you mumbled, now feeling more conflicted than before.

that night, you and Husband!Reiner have a bit of a honest conversation about how reiner talks about the whole kid thing with his friends. hes very quick to assure you that he doesn’t talk bad about you behind your back but tells them that he cant have them right now when you have a contrasting opinion to him

you personally dont have a problem with that because these were your friends too — theyed be quick to g-check reiner if he ever said something less than positive about you and then report it directly to you

but for the sake of the situation and with how sensitive it was, you asked reiner if he could refrain from sharing that personal aspect of your life with them

“i know i’ve said it way too many times now but im truly sorry for all this. mika was wrong for asking you that.” reiner says as you lay under his arm. you found solace by burying your face into his side.

“well i dont blame her. if you’re constantly telling people in the groupchat that kinda stuff then yeah, of course they’re gonna feel like they have to intervene. they’re our friends and they only want the best for us.”

you could really tell reiner was thinking this all over in his head by the way he made subconscious groans.

when he had finally made up his mind, he slightly bent down to kiss your forehead.

“yeah i guess so. i wont bring that stuff up again, im sorry for putting you in that position, baby.”

the two of you laid up next to each other, and went on to talk about other miscellaneous things. however, just when you were about to fall asleep, you tiredly mumbled into reiner’s skin.

“its not that i don’t ever want kids. i just…not now, rei. im still very much enjoying life with just the two of us. kids are hard work and a lifelong commitment. everything i know and do will have to change from here on out and i just dont think im ready for that kinda burden yet.”

with a lethargic hum, reiner nods his head.

“yeah, i get you.” he mumbles.

although Husband!Reiner still wants kids, he agrees to getting a puppy in the mean time. he says he might as well get the practice while he waits.

surprisingly Husband!Reiner is in absolute adoration of the new bundled edition. the pup is boisterous and hyper but listens to commands well and learns quickly

the puppy is even more enamoured by smol gabi who always seems to have either its tail or ear within her chubby small hands. still, the puppy only sees it as a bunch of fun

Husband!Reiner isnt perfect, and definitely has so many flaws where he needs to fix up on but he’s trying and he really does love you so you’re okay with working him through all of that.

#reiner braun #reiner aot #reiner x reader #reiner headcanons #reiner x black reader #reiner x y/n

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canaidliafail · 10 months

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untitled

streamer ellie Williams x dancer reader 🌿

Id call this an excessively long shitpost. It is in the same timeline with staygrounded but I wrote it down for self indulgent reasons such as -to no ones surprise- venting. It ain’t good btw but its getting better I think.

CW: first of all, reader is a dancer/ dance teacher || short mention of self harm || MDI: there are sexual themes if I remember correctly || Ellie being very gay

If you by any chance do enjoy this concept I don’t mind writing a part 2 tho. Requests are open ✨

“you blame it on the drugs I dont give a fuck cause the damage is done,

and you talk about suicide, its the way you manipulate”

1:35 ───ㅇ───── 3:47 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

gossip, rumors, spreading a false narrative and falling in love with being a victim of life and most importantly a victim of you.

So many things that could have been said about her. So many and yet all sat stale at the tip of your tongue. You wanted to rip her to shreds, put a curse on her and considered spending life in prison for premeditated murder. Then you cried and just prayed she would leave you alone and that she would find happiness and that you would never hear anything about it. You scratched your arms, the stitches holding your flesh together getting irritably itchier day by day. flesh that you so willingly sliced a week ago and regretted right after.

It was fucking embarrassing to fall to such depths of despair and misery cause of love. In life we allow things to happen to us. Saying that was comfort of some sorts. It gave you control over a situation that you were dragged around like a puppet.

Could truly another person's venom poison you this irreversibly?

And while you did crave love and attention you refused to humiliate yourself by asking for it,let alone admit to it.

“she didn’t love you, she loved the idea of being with you. You have to realize it baby, You are a known figure now…People will do that to you. This is a whole new world you just entered”

You shook your head and dully stared at the screen playing lo-fi on loop

“New world ? Feels like I'm back in high school”

You sat on the other end of the couch numb and mute. It had been a week since you spoke to your roommate and two since you last saw your whole friend group. You warned them

“I can’t talk but I really need you”

and they came and would chime in to whatever little but you were willing to share that night.

You all woke up around the same time the next day, exam season not really willing to cooperate with your mental breakdown and started getting ready. You had already failed 2 subjects. shit was not going your way so on the fourth day you just gave up and decided to go with the flow

“how bad can it get”

bit of advice fellas, never fucking say that cause it CAN get worse.

While initially you were well prepared for exams, You mixed up the days when you were supposed to submit assignments and the days when you were taking a written exam.

2 failed subjects, 4 more to go.

4 failed subjects… 2 more to go

Hot girl summer just doesn’t feel the same once you hit your 20s it seems.

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

You were aimlessly watching one story after the other,barely there and hardly caring what exactly you were looking at. Abby had just posted one cryptic photo with a girl you saw around in the community and smiled. You could tell something was going on with her and that other streamer girl and you smiled. You thought they were a good match and quite frankly you were just glad to see that some people were doing better in their love life than you ever could. It gave you hope that things like that still existed even if you weren't meant to experience them. Ellie had also just posted and you took a minute longer to appreciate her slender form dressed in tights and a top while horse riding. She was hot and she knew it and you liked that attitude of hers. You checked the next story which was a black screen with a text

*I fell off my horse two minutes after taking that pic*

And chuckled. Your eyes drifted off to the green square mark and cocked a brow

Oh?

So you were in her close friends ?

You sat up

“Wait since when has she-” You asked yourself out loud and noticed that indeed she was following you. In the midst of working on new content and getting out of your depressive slump you started checking your social less and less too busy with dance practice and trying to enjoy life and it seemed like in the middle of your subtle break things…. Happened

Maybe a few months ago when you were down bad for her this would’ve affected you but now you just shrugged and closed your phone. You need to get back to practicing a new dance combo for a video and you couldn’t be bothered. Your ex had scared you off from dating public figures for good. Dating was a strong word…You hardly wanted even a fling at this point.

You got dressed up and put on a wig, fixing your makeup in place and making a movement test before you went to the studio to record the new choreo so that you could only worry about the variation and not have any unnecessary technical issues. The studio was a few minutes away from your place by bus and you put on the songs you planned on rehearsing to get in the mood on your way there humming softly and tuning out any other thought polluting your mind.

There's was a text notification from the user

Elliefuckingwilliams

Which you forced yourself to ignore refusing to entertain whatever she could have texted you. If this was a month ago maybe you would have but now you didnt want to.

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

Ignoring her was your plan until you posted the new video of your dance which admittedly you did look good and may have been one of your best videos up to date. Ellie Was the third like on that post and she had shamelessly double texted you. You chewed on your lip nervous and uncertain

“She texted me again”

Ophelia, your roommate, peeked her head from her iPad and looked at you curious

“Who?”

“Ellie”

“ELLIE?! WAIT THE ELLIE?!” She jumped up and for a moment you for sure she came for your throat but instead clutched the blankets on your couch

“And what do you mean again ?! When did all of this happen ?”

“Relax it all started today and you know I wanted to tell you once we had time to properly hang out” You said fighting back a smile knowing that this was a victory. Ophelia had suffered you for months crying over your ex, then thirsting over Ellie and then back to square one. You owed her an update on your emotional affairs which you swore that they would stay stagnant.

“So what did she say ?”

You opened the Direct messages

Elliefuckingwilliams: Hey I have a question

Elliefuckingwilliams: Is your studio in Seattle ?

Elliefuckingwilliams: I have a project and am looking for a dance instructor. Let me know if you would be interested in a collab

“Ah. Just work stuff it seems”

“EXCUSES SHE JUST WANTS TO EAT YOU OUT AND IS LOOKING FOR A EXCUSE”

“You are shameless”

You stared at each other with a smirk fighting to break through, wanting to seem equally serious despite the ridiculous situation.

“She does not”

“She does. I’m betting 50 dollars”

Oh fuck off ill just roll you a blunt”

“A WIN IS A WIN” she said with her hands in the air “No come on! Respond already you are driving me crazy”

You rolled your eyes and considered her offer. You were taken aback cause Ellie didn’t seem like she would do anything with…dancing. However you weren’t new to influencers trying new things to get back on the algorithms favor so you brushed it off as her chasing new heights to her already growing fame.

-Hey, I’m not sure where you are exactly and it isn’t my studio. I am just renting the space but I could give you a lesson or two

Elliefuckingwilliams: Sweet! When are you available ? I have a gap next week otherwise it can be next month

You stared at her immediate response and quirked your brow in approval. Professional and straight to the point. You could respect that. Not what you were aiming for. You tried to ignore the previous conversations you two had that showed above her new messages. Your fruitless attempts at getting her attention in the most stupid of ways. Can’t blame a girl for trying. Shoot for the stars they say. You’ll land on dirt but hey, at least you gave it a fair shot and therefore no one could blame you for trying.

-This week is good. Say Friday ?

Elliefuckingwilliams: Yeah yeah cool! I'll text you the day before so that you can tell me your location and everything

You pursed your lips and turned to look at Ophelia who was on all fours on your couch desperately trying to steal a glance at your phone screen. You tossed it on one of the floor cushions

“Not a date. I’m just gonna be her dance instructor so looks like you owe me that blunt”

“Nu-uh. Bet you’ll be raw dogging in the studio. We will see who wins on Friday”

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

“And the dance floor is filling up with blood, But oh, Lord you’ve never been so in love”

ELLIE’s POV

Ellie was convinced that God had specifically hand crafted her body to be incapable of dancing. She had no coordination and perhaps was even tone deaf which was ridiculous for someone who played the guitar and sang. Not that she was a pro at that either but who creates a musician who doesn’t understand how to step on notes in any way other than with an instrument ? So now that she had texted you she was frantic, bouncing her leg up and down and chewing on the flesh around her fingernails.

“What's gotten into you?”

Dina asked while folding clothes. She was at her and Jesse's apartment for the night and she had yet to tell them about her new crush and her impatient attempt at getting to see you as soon as possible. Ellie was aware of you as a creator. Be it from a post-share on her friends stories or you falling on her timeline she would see you here and there. She vividly remembered a month where you peaked and she went from seeing you once every two months at best to seeing you every week. And she was curious as to why was everyone going crazy over you and your content. You seemed to interact mostly with Abby’s girl.

That’s how Ellie referred to the girl Abby seemed to be crushing on. In a game of broken telephone and who told what, Ellie planned on seeing how close Abby was with her girl and if that was close enough for her to ask if she could…well ask her about you and then somehow for that information to get back to you.

But all that plan failed the second Ellie asked

“So is Cotton dating anyone?”

And Abby took that horribly wrong and now was set on gatekeeping her. Ellie was awkward and a mess and couldn’t communicate properly what she wanted because to her, what she asked was obvious and had no hidden meaning or intention but the world around her didn’t work like that and she struggled so fucking hard with it.

Ellie’s second grant failure was when she followed you back. She was sure that you wouldn’t have missed it. But the silence was so loud it was deafening. You were still posting but you were otherwise quiet everywhere else. You rarely even watched her stories at this point so Ellie decided to grow a backbone and some balls and directly message you.

She flinched at the dry responses she gave you to your previous interactions which back then seemed professional but now they seemed…So distant.

Finally, she texted you.

and you responded.

“Dina I did a stupid thing”

Dina tossed the clothes in the wardrobe and kicked close giving up on tidying Jesse’s shit

“Ok, stupid how? Like speaking money or-”

“I texted my crush-”

“You have a crush?”

“Yes and so I texted her and-”

“Who is she ?”

“A content creator, anyways so I texted her”

“WHo?”

“Dina can you let me talk?!” she said frustrated and Dina grinned. She went to the kitchen aisle to grab a bottle of water and tossed another one Ellie’s way. She leaned against the counter listening to her friend endless yawping about this new crush. she called her twice a day until Friday, and would recite every move and gesture she planned on using to seduce you. Dina would turn each one down by saying

“You do realize that when you see her you will just shit your pants from excitement and won't say anything right?”

So ellie would hang up and call a few hours later with a new plan that aligned more with how she typically acted.

When Friday came she showered twice and changed outfits over and over again, as a result she was late. She was proud of her fit since the sleeveless turtleneck did a nice job at hugging her slim, well built frame and showed off her toned arms that took years of calisthenics to build and paired with a baggy pair of sweatpants she felt like she had the biggest dick in the city.

But once she parked outside of the studio you mentioned cold sweat ran down her spine and her hands felt clammy and sticky from anxiety.

what the hell am I doing

she questioned and rested her head against the steering wheel. She drummed her fingers on the soft leather and hummed a melody to ease her nerves till she heard light tapping on the window. She lifted her head and looked up and there you were. hair loose, shorts and a baggy graphic T that had a faded graffiti-like artwork of spiderman.

She hated how much she loved the sight in front of her.

she opened her door and slid out trying to gather her stuff in a hurry

“Hi sorry, were you waiting long? I missed the bus and had to wait a bit until the next one came…”

“no no! Its cool I was just, ugh trying to calm down cause I'm nervous”

you smiled and lowered your brows in empathy

“I assumed you would. You don't have experience in dancing right? Or at least you haven’t mentioned it anywhere”

She winced at how obvious her lie was and she didn’t know how to answer to that

I don’t dance but If that’s what it takes to fuck you then sure I can learn how to do a Ronde de Jambe

“ah yeah you got me there, I’ve never danced before”

“That’s cool with me. Just curious on what piqued your interest to start now. New hobby or…?”

“yeah new hobby!” she hurried to answer, glad that you inspired her on what lie to use for the day.

You nodded while checking her out head to toe and before she had time to boost her ego and assume that you did because you found her hot you said-

“Hm. I will need you to wear tighter pants next time so that I can see what you are doing with your legs. But for today it's fine”

and took the keys out of your duffel bag

“Well. Ellie williams. Ready to start?”

“ah yeah just, be gentle…? I've never done anything remotely close to dancing with my body and I might be pretty stiff”

“Don’t worry about it. I've had every type of student and all of them managed to pull a few cool moves in their second month. If there’s a will there’s a way”

she smiled more nervous than before. You were formal and professional leaving little close to no space for her to get flirty and she was at a loss. She should’ve done more research on dancer etiquette so that she wouldn’t have looked like such an uneducated swine but there was no point in getting angry over that now.

“We will start with basic breathing exercises and a warm up just to get you in the swing of things. We will start with body isolations”

Ellie stared at you from the mirror as you showed her the first few basic motions

“Alright so for the warmup just follow my lead”

you grabbed the remote and put on “never ending song” by Conan Grey which had a pretty standard rhythm and was easy to dance along to. Ellie was in awe with the plasticity of your body, every move being a continuation of the previous one all like a rolling tide of emotions complimenting the beat and the beat complimenting you.

On the other end, Ellie was too embarrassed to look at her own reflection

“alright so first to isolate your hips from your chest” you said and let the next song play. You laid your palm flat on her back and pointed a bit below her collarbones holding your fist in the air

“move with me, breathe in” you said and she tried to copy your move watching your chest rise. You shook your head

“no, I need only your chest to move. Relax your shoulders love” you teased with an easy smile and Ellie by now was a mess, from the proximity and from the simple exercise of trying to move your breathing pattern

You were oblivious to it all going from one body part to another occasionally fixing up her posture and tapping the part that she had to focus on, but all hell broke loose in your brain when you laid your hand on her stomach asking her to clench and unclench her core hunching within herself.

“You were so dramatic before, look at you Els. You just needed a little basic guidance “ you encouraged and she smiled and looked at you in excitement, oblivious to the fact that when she turned her head she was a breath away from accidentally kissing you

“ah! I-“

you smirked and pulled away

“I've been rehearsing this one choreo, best way to understand these exercises is through a dance routine. How do you feel about that?”

Ellie agreed and while dancing she kept being thrown off balance at the sharp turns that she had to take which in return slowed her down and she would miss a few steps. You let the music play in the background and let out an awkward chuckle

“Fuck ok this is my fault see I forgot to tell you about spotting”

“Spotting?”

You nodded and you pushed her back by her shoulder freeing up a line for you

“See when we turn, we always have a spot” You said and stepped into the appropriate preparation to do 8 simple turns, your head always snapping the back to the invisible mark you held with your eyes

Ellie pursed her lips. Seemed like such an obvious trick but one that went completely over her head

“Now I see that you struggle to look at yourself in the mirror, Which is fine. I’m sure you'll get used to it eventually, so instead try taking a few turns while holding eye contact with me, yeah ?”

You offered and she took a couple steps back

“Ugh…what were all those moves you made before spinning?”

“Oh don’t worry about that,thats ballet stuff. Just spin. Bent your elbows and hold your arms against your chest if it helps”

Ellie started off slow, picking up the pace as she neared you, eventually losing sight of what was in front of her

“Wow-wow-wowwww I got you” you said and steadied her by her shoulders and held her in place. She looked up at you taking in deep breaths, cheeks flushed and eyes wide open with her lips parted in a soft smile

“That went well, How do you feel?”

You said and you gently rubbed your thumb against the naked skin of her biceps.

“Great, I… I liked this it makes more sense now”

She said filled with excitement

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

Every time Ellie liked your story you felt your heart skip a few beats. You were in the studio for your solo dancing practice and kept bouncing from one leg to the other to keep your muscles warm while you scrolled through your phone to find some inspiration or a pic that you could post and in return give Ellie an opening to respond to. The image of her timidly trying to follow along through your every move, her flushed cheeks and her voice shaking did things to your brain chemistry, re-wiring its entire structure and flow. Every time she posted a story with a smug smile and pants lower than her boxer briefs you just laughed remembering what a shy and soft mess of words the girl was and felt an unhealthy amount of endearment. A spark re-ignited in your dead heart and you liked it. You liked ellie when you didn’t know her, and you liked her even more now that you did.

By now it had been…a good two weeks that consisted of 4 dance practices that you had with her. The first time you saw her up close all you thought was a “huh”

And then a “she is shorter than me-“ which for you was dangerous. You had an incredibly soft spot for masc lesbians who were shorter than you. Unfortunately they were never attracted to you though. You had always attracted the exact opposite of what you wanted and you blamed that on your overly dominant attitude.

On the second day you both had the same idea of treating each other to a coffee and so you ended up with 4 paper cups of iced almond milk lattes which you laughed about for a good 10 minutes

“We are so in sync!” You commented and she nodded excitedly, blushing all the way to her ears.

On the third dance practice you purposely pretended to assist her and correct her to find an excuse to touch her and when you saw how positively she reacted to it you pushed on the advantage that you had, heavily , which made you believe that maybe there really was some kind of ulterior motive as to why Ellie was so set on having you as a dancing coach.

On the fourth day there was a shift in the tide and something was in the waters. Ellie had her hair gathered and decided to wear the sluttiest outfit on earth ( aka a white top and grey sweatpants )

She went to greet you with a hug and you noticed her perfume, subtle but there to make you lust after it. She asked if she could record the Dance you were rehearsing for a post and you felt alright with that. And she excelled. She was a fast learner and her body had a good flow. It did need polishing but she wasn’t half as bad as she claimed to be. The fifth video take was close to perfection and in her excitement she yanked you towards her and wrapped you in a tight hug which you immediately reciprocated eager for the contact with the sex God standing before you. You took in the blended smell of her perfume and her sweat which had you feel insufferable discomfort with how tight your pants were. Something about her raw scent had you horny like a dog and you had to clench your jaw in patience not to act out of instinct and try to get closer than needed.

You both laughed and she yelled in excitement “I fucking did it”

And then your voice followed, a bit quieter “I told you, you could do it” she pulled back her arm still on your waist, her thumb caressing the skin as she watched the video a second time in excitement. You took the chance to stand a bit closer to her while she in sync wrapped her whole arm around you and leaned her head against your chest enjoying the dance and pointing out things that you could do differently next time, all in the comfort of each other’s embrace.

She posted the video and in the daze of the excitement of seeing what you two looked like next to each other you forgot to worry about the fact that you were yet again getting entangled with a public figure. An actually big one. While your previous relationship was just your ex leeching off of you and your success, this one…it had to be different. Ellie had nothing to gain from you and you put your trust in that and in the fact that the two of you seemed to genuinely get along

You decided to text her first

“You impatient fuck. We could’ve filmed a better take tomorrow”

“You are such an ass, let me enjoy my accomplishments”

You started tidying up the studio and decided to leave your bag with your ballet clothes and pointe there since you would come tomorrow for Ellie’s lessons anyways. You chatted back and forth all the way back and you almost tripped on your staircase too busy typing a response. You banged your head against your door though thinking you had unlocked it to find that you didn’t. Ophelia opened it for you

“Girl?”

You looked at each other and you immediately broke into a smile the split your lips

“Ellie posted our video. And she left in the part where she hugged me”

“Oh-hooooo” she exclaimed and rushed you in. She tossed the mop on the side of the wall and nudged you to the couch abandoning whatever housework she was in the middle of to listen to you

“Aaaand we are still talking” You said smiling and Ophelia clapped cheering for you while you swung your way inside the house and fell dramatically on the couch.

“Oh my, I’m so glad the Gods heard our prayers cause I was sure I was about to send you off to priesthood”

“It wasn’t that bad”

You said with an offended gasp and she scoffed

“Honey, one more month and you were about to grow back your virginity. I’m just happy to see you back out there and not just with anyone but with The Ellie fucking williams!” She said getting louder with every word. You joined her cheerful demeanor hopping on the couch and you both started bouncing on it like kids in a playground

“I can’t believe this. I wanna wear something good for our practice tomorrow”

“Shorts and that nice red bodysuit!”

“But-“

“No buts! I know it’s uncomfortable but she will see you and rip it off right away so how much will you really suffer, you know?”

Ophelia coming through with the obvious answer to any and every world known issue was exactly what you needed to finish off your day. Though to be fair, if there was anything you should have listened to regarding -making a move on your crush- that would have to be her. She had a banging record of pulling every single guy she set her eyes on and one night standing them for her own satisfaction. Of course now she had her sights on someone specific but that didn’t change or erase all previously acquired skills in the flirting department. Despite all of that, You ended up rejecting the bodysuit idea because that would be a hassle to actually get off if things would go anywhere and even if they wouldn't, anything that tight during summer was a nightmare in general.

“Hey can I borrow that white top you have?”

“Borrow whatever you want and do whatever you want just never let me know about it”

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

on the day that you fully planned on making a move a couple things went wrong. First and foremost well, It decided to rain down which meant you had to run all the way from the bus stop to the studio in a hopeless attempt to preserve your hair and outfit. It didn’t do much since you ended up like a drenched cat either way but you refused to let your mood falter.

You tried texting Ellie to ask if she could bring coffee for you two.

Few minutes later she came in with two iced coffees, not a drop of rain on her which you were awfully jealous of. Her cropped hair was once again all gathered in a short ponytail and she wore two sports wristbands around her arms which did unimaginable things to you. It was good sight with her sleeveless baggy tshirt. Ellie just knew how to dress plain and attractive.

“Looking good” she teased when she found you furiously trying to dry the ends of your hair with a towel

“Shut up. Please shut up”

“So sensitive” she said and rolled her eyes making her way to you and taking the towel from your hands

“Let me help” it wasn’t so much of a request as it was a demand when she pulled the towel out of your hands and moved behind you, wrapping your hair in it and squeezing it to get most of the water out. You felt your body temperature rise at the awfully tender gesture and unsure of what to do you just fidgeted with your hands looking at the floor

“ I can drive you back to your place if you want”

“No, it's fine. Ill wait it out”

“No no, I insist. Let me drive you back and look cool while doing so”

A soft chuckle escaped your lips as she rounded you up to give you the towel with a small shy smile, her cheeks a shade of pink now.

Practice was good if you were to ignore that Ellie seemed a lot more focused on your assets rather than the moves you were showing. You knew the biker shorts you were gave her a 4K view of your ass but you didn't expect her to be this obvious about it. You stepped back after a moment and just watched as she rehearsed the dance on her own and you were in awe on how much more comfortable she seemed with her body now

“Good. This one was very good. Want me to film you so that you look at yourself?”

you asked and she shook her head satisfied with the progress. You slouched on the ground, legs spread and ankles on your knees wiping the sweat of your brow carefully as not wipe your brow completely off with it and looked at the time

“Well we are pretty much done then for today. Unless there’s anything you wanted to ask me or anything else you wanna try doing?” you asked and Ellie followed your lead walking over to you across the room and crouching down on her knees in front of you

“Oh yeah I did wanna ask something”

“go ahead then” you said dreading having to get up. You didn’t have to though

“Can I take you out on a date ? for coffee perhaps?”

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #tlou2

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wrens-versus-the-world · 4 months

Text

Intertwined With the Inhuman

Hehe :D Heres the first chapter!

Cross posted on wattpad under Dontjudgemepels

chapter one: and so it begins

(next chapter: 2)

as I looked at the letter for the fifth time today, I still couldn't believe it.

I, Y/n L/n, got a free ticket to japan and a free ticket back as well. I am so happy that I kept entering into those raffles!

I packed up my bags and prepared every thing that I may need while in japan. Another thing that I'm happy about is that, since I kept entering into the raffles I have quite a lot of yen, as well as a free hotel room and some free- non- expiring tickets to various events, which makes my life as a college student extremely easy, and my summer all the more fun!

I texted my group chat:

three best friends in a room:

depression (jerry), Cat lover(you), and smart one (cherry (cher for short))

Cat lover:

I'm so excited, but I'm also sad, since I won't see y'all and I cant afford to pay for the out of county wifi. D:

Smart one:

Well, that part sucks but japan is a safe country, and plus It'll be a good way to relax after the school year. those finals were rough

Depression:

thats for sure, those finals fucked me up, I didn't sleep for four days to study and then right after them I slept for two and a half days straight!

Smart one:

...

Jerry that's not safe.

anyways...

Y/n take lots of pictures, get us souvenirs and have fun! that's the best thing you can do okay! And if you ever feel unsafe just call the cops on a public phone, okay?

Cat lover:

see this is why you're my smart friend, And I'll try to keep that in mind... Anyways, I have a flight early in the morning, love y'all I'll try to take lots of pictures and get you gifts and food lol! ttyl

depression:

...

I thought i was your smart friend too...

Cat lover:

You are!!

depression:

yea sure, anyway, have fun loser, we'll miss you

smart one:

...

cat lover:

...

depression:

cat lover:

awww you'll miss me :D

*depression has logged off*

cat lover:

pft...

Smart one:

ignore him, he's right tho, we will indeed miss you! so you'd better have enough fun for all of us! love you, and get to bed

*Smart one has logged off*

I turned my phone off smiling to myself, my friends are so great!

Time skip: the next day (3: 30am)

I ran around the house making sure I had everything, seeing that I did, I called my uber and let them know to pick me up.

I walked out the door, and brought my suitcases out with me, and sat at the curb to wait.

while I waited I decided to play some honkai star rail, since I wouldn't be able to play it in japan (no wifi and all)...

the sound of a car pulling up brought be back to reality, and a girl with rich dark skip stepped out, "are you, Y/n, the cat lover?" she asked.

"yes, are you Trina...?" I asked unsure.

"yes! yes I am, okay hop in, let me help you with your bags." she beamed.

the ride to the airport was nice, the time flew by as I talked with trina, she was a really nice person. As we talked I found out that she also played star rail and we bonded over that, at the end of the ride we made sure to exchange ids (in game).

I made my way into the airport after saying goodbye to trina.

After checking in, checking my bags, and going through security I went to sit at my gate (for the flight).

Time skip: In japan

the voice of the flight attendant woke me up:

"Welcome to japan, and thanks for flying with our airlines!"

and she said that i looked out the window, to see the airport in japan, it was quite something (especially knowing i went across the globe to come here).

"we will now begin un-boarding."

Time skip: at the hotel:

the hotel was beautiful, the pictures did it no justice. The hotel was supposed to be a more modern twist on a traditional japanese design.

There was a closet, a bathroom and plenty of other things in the suite.

I unpacked some into the room, putting my clothes into the closet, my toiletries into the bathroom, and organizing everything else.

after I was settled in and had showered I looked at my To-Do list

1- go to a shrine

'seems simple enough' I thought to myself as I changed into a modest outfit, and grabbed the map, smoothly making my way out the door.

Saying goodbye to the staff as I left and letting them know that I'd be out. (Y/n speaking no japanese the staff thankfully speak english too)

the staff were even nice enough to point me in the direction of the shrine that I wanted to go to.

thanking them, I ran out the door, eager to get there! I made my way down the roads following their directions.

after a while, I found myself lost.

"that's okay I have my phone, Gps is good for this." I said to myself as I pulled my phone out.

"no wifi"

"...l-I forgot about that." I said as I read the error message that showed up as I tried to use the gps app.

as I was cursing my luck a blue haired male bumped into me causing me to drop my phone.

"Sorry miss, here let me get it for you" he said as he bent down and grabbed my phone. handing it to me when he stood back up.

"oh don't worry about it, thanks." I responded

'he's so nice'

I looked up at him to meet his eyes only to be met with a mask covering them.

"say, sir, I'm lost do you mind giving me directions to the shrine." I asked, inwardly hoping that I wasn't bothering him.

"Why of course." he said as he continued to give me the directions

"Thank you so much" I said as he finished, " I really owe you one-"

I was about to offer to buy him coffee but I was interrupted by the shout of a mad in a black coat and glasses, with black hair.

"Dottore! we're going to be late." he shouted

'oh'

"I'll let you get going, sorry to take up so much of your time, thanks again." I said to him as I made my way to the shrine, finding it much easier now that i had clearer directions.

Time skip: at the shrine

I got a fortune slip, and some pictures for my friends. and on the way to the shrine I happened to see a traditional dango stand... so I had to get some

it was very good, Jerry would be very jealous.

The sun started to set, so I finished up my time at the shrine, concluding it by ringing the bell three times and praying.

time skip: at the hotel

It was so fun, as I came back into the suite room I set down my shoes and got ready for a shower, where I washed up for bed.

after the shower I put some of the things I got for my friends into my empty suitcase, before getting into the bed.

Sighing contently, I turned to the lamp next to me and turned it off. trying to get comfortable in the bed (you're wearing a robe to sleep in btw).

as I let my eyes wonder I was met with some lifeless blue eyes.

a small 'ah' left my lips as I shot up from the covers.

the eyes just stayed there, neither of use made an attempt to move.

"wh- what do you want?" I questioned quietly, almost a whisper.

as I said that the man began to move towards me , soon the bed dipped as he crawled towards me. we were face to face, I began to lean away from him, my body leaning into the mattress as his towered over me and leaned in closer.

if we had been lovers the position would have been romantic, but I had never seen this man.

I soon had no where to lean now and he was awfully close to my face. I turned my head away from him, which in turn gave him access to my neck, to which he buried his nose into, and he seemed to be swelling me.

"you smell so good" the ginger haired male said in a deep voice as he attempted to bury his head further into my next, where my neck met my collar bone.

when i suddenly felt something wet on my neck i reflexively pushed him, causing our eyes to meet once more.

"you're quite the interesting human, I wonder." he said as I shook slightly

"who-"

"why do you smell like dottore?" the ginger growled

at the name of the man I'd seen earlier I relaxed some, although i'm not sure why.

"huh, are you perhaps in some sort of relationship with that man?" he asked his voice laced with venom as he mentioned him. "Your body relaxed when I said his name."

I wanted to reply, I just couldn't find my voice.

'who was this man?'

"childe I do suggest you don't go marking that which isn't yours." a deep voice interrupted.

the two of us turned our attention to a grey older man, who was illuminated by the moon light.

the man's above me, childe, obliged and got off of me, which allowed me to sit up and scoot away.

looking at the grey older man once more, I noticed that he had some sort of mask covering half of his face. and I also noticed his eye and how it seemed to glow.

I gazed back to childe and noticed how he looked like dog following its master's rules.

"I do apologize about his behavior, it is almost the full moon and he must not have been able to control himself." the older man said.

I opened my mouth to speak, but ultimately didnt know how to respond, " Uh, I suppose it should be okay... as long as it doesn't happen again..." I said, unsure the entire time.

suddenly I saw a flash of blue and heard a thud.

childe was on the ground four feet from the bed, i suddenly felt two arms wrapping themselves around me, I looked around and I couldn't tell who's arms they were.

childe was on the ground and the older man's was still standing.

the person behind me began to lean down to where my neck met my collar bone.

"it's okay, it's just me" Dottores voice whispered against my skin and he loosened his grip on my waist, allowing me to turn around to see him.

In my fear ridden state I clung to him, my arms wrapped around his neck, and in turn his arms tightened around my waist.

"I'm sorry" I whispered to him, so quietly, that he almost didn't catch it.

he rubbed his hand on the small of my back and glared at childe, and said, "I don't know why you're apologizing, but if anyone should apologize it should be me."

His sudden confession caused me to look up at him, only for him to lean down into my exposed neck (the robe was now slightly disheveled now thanks to childe) and bit down, causing me to gasp in surprise.

a deep sense of sleep soon took over me, as I began to hear dottore gulp , and my vision faded in and out, before faded to black.

A/n:

>:D

How is everyone liking it so far?

also, im glad people here (tumblr) are enjoying this far more than the people on wattpad (which is a little surprising to me, but anyways.)

#childe x reader #genshin impact #dottore #il dottore #fatui harbingers #pantalone #fatui x reader #genshin pierro #childe is a little creepy in this part #childe tartaglia ajax #childe

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up-in-flames-writing · 6 months

Text

This is an old Twitter thread I'm posting here as an archive, when I eventually get banned on there for not tolerating transphobic abuse against me.

Still pretty relevant tho, even tho it was written almost a year & a half ago.

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do alt text, so here is the image ID under the cut:

[Image ID: A Twitter thread made by user Booker-Garet Feniks @abookandabun. The thread reads:

So, lately, I've been seeing some Takes™ on transition on here, & as a transman who looks like a baby butch lesbian, I have some Thoughts™, so here's a thread

First thing's first: I am short. I am skinny (read: underweight), & curvy. I have a more or less conventional hourglass figure. I also have a soft face, big lips & big eyes with long lashes. I keep my nails long & my hair long & when I cut them, they grow back fast

By all means, if I were a woman, I would be, if not conventionally attractive, at least conventionally feminine, with my small waist, wide hips, my long legs, & even my tiny tits. Despite this, I dress masculine. I hold myself like a man, I deepen my voice

My voice is naturally a bit deep, but not deep enough for there to be any ambiguity about what's in my pants. I still speak in a fake, deep voice, & when I introduce myself, I do it with a grin & tell everyone very openly 'my name is Booker-Garet'

Despite this, I do not pass. I am constantly Miss'ed & Ma'am'ed when I'm out & about. People who know me need to be told that I'm a man & go by he/him pronouns. Imagine that, imagine calling a teenage boy with an unambiguous male name 'she'. Imagine how I feel

How I feel when none of my efforts matter. How, when I'm at my most masculine while pre-op & pre-T, people see meas nothing more than a girl. It's distressing. I know what they're thinking, that I'm a tomboy or a lesbian. If they recognise that I'm trans, they don't show it

And, I feel like it's easy to get mad at GNC women. It's easy to get mad at the tomboys & the butches & the studs. 'They think I'm you' you might think. 'You're too visible & I'm not, & they think I'm you.'

I find it easy to blame a lot of ciswomen for this. The ones who tell me I should've just stayed a lesbian (which I never was), that I should've just been a tomboy (which I was), that I'm a traitor to womanhood (so be it). It is easy to get mad at them

It's hard being a trans guy, when the only pieces of masculinity coming from a female person people are aware of are the ones who are women, who stay women & who love being women. I didn't love being a woman. I love women, I love my cis & trans sisters

But I can't help feeling bitter when they perform masculinity & no one denies their womanhood, no one on the right side of history. But I can be my most manly self & even my allies feel that I'd just be better off as a lesbian, as a masculine woman.

As if masculinity is alright, is safe, as long as you're a woman who performs it, but the moment you're a man performing masculinity, you're not worth the time, the effort, the brain power.

Almost as I'd it's easier for people to accept me as a masculine woman, with my deep voice & my masculine name, than admit to the fact that I am a man

It's hard to admit that you don't pass. It's hard to admit that I'm not a 'real man', whatever that means. It's not, however, hard to admit that I don't have privilege. It's not hard to admit that I face misogyny.

It's not hard to admit that if you're AFAB & masc presenting, nothing short of a Thor voice & a Gandalf beard, & body hair like a gorilla will make people see you as anything but a woman. Because if I don't say this, who else will? I can't let people live a lie

I can't let people keep on believing that 'transmascs have it easier', that it's easier for us to pass. I can't let people keep believing that we 'run away from womanhood to have male privilege'. Where's my male privilege, Joanne? Did it get lost in the Owl Mail?

People will keep on believing that we have it easier, that we don't face discrimination, that we don't get misgendered & assaulted & killed. They will keep believing that, & they will keep ignoring us & our oppression, unless someone finally says 'Enough!' & tells their story

& I'm a good story teller, so I'm telling you. I don't pass, I wish I did, but I don't. Many of my brothers do not pass. Stop ignoring us just because you think we have it 'easier'. We don't, & your inaction is allowing us to get killed. Do better

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#booker speaks #transgender #transphobia #transandrophobia

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be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie · 1 year

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Ok first id like to share some good news: finished all my tests for the semester, and i think i only failed like 2 or 3!! More good news, more fics that ill get around to writing!! Or ill just post my unfinished drafts. I mean there's a yandere Jake (platonic dad yandere) fic and a "spider w permanant brain damage from the scanner fic" and even more just absolutely collecting dust in my drafts

New idea that I'll def finish this time tho: Humans but there unrealistically better than they are. There's no RDA, no big mining operation, no deforestation or driving natives out or dying earth, just humans being natural born explorers who are mind blown at an entire different planet with life.

And that's wild! They thought they were alone, the universe looking back on itself, explorers of a vast and endless yet lonely expanse. Then boom! Life! Life on a different planet, life so different yet similar. A life that has their own culture and languages, that's so intertwined with nature, they're capable of forming a deep connection at a moments notice! That's amazing! (Forgive me for my amazement, watching Rio and i just love the movie)

Anyway, in this au with no evil corporation only interested in money heading this operation, humans are way nicer! And weirder.

I imagine the Na'vis early experiences w humans are like what some of us think that aliens are doing (crop circles, abducting cows, just standing around naked) (and i say naked because most photos of aliens have em in no clothes. Or they're wearing a full body grey suit). I imagine that at first they don't believe humans are real because they don't show themselves often, only spotted by like a handful. Like "i saw this small pink creature by the river today! It had hair and eyes and hands and feet, and walked on it's legs!" "What the Eywa are you talking abt"

I imagine the first human they meet is a weirdo who's exceptionally brave. They walk up to a Na'vi and just start speaking in the most nonsensical Na'vi ever, that they managed to learn from observing them. They just follow them atound all day, keeps saying Na'vi phrases until whoever they're following just walks to camp and presents them and they're like "hey what is this."

Or, alternatively

Humans try staying away from them cause they're like twice their size and capable of making weapons, except for one person. This one spends their time following around a specific Na'vi and annoying them. They hum little tunes, they're spotted once and disapear behind the trees, they're daring enough to get ahold of their tools and try to study them. Then they start trying to communicate with them, little phrases yadda yadda. All while the Na'vi is going back home like "no mom, i promise i didn't loose my knife, this small pink creature stole it!"

They're like so fed up with the human and everyone around them cause they're like "what are you talking abt" so they're trying to get evidence of their existance. Eventually they do get them and present them to the tribe like "see!! I told you they were real!!!" And they're like "huh. Ok. What is this thing."

Dont have any idea how im gonna further w this but ye! Humans are way nicer and not run by a greedy corporation au

VERY EXCITING! I'm very sure you didn't fail anything. I want bOTH of those collecting dust drafts please and thank you.

No Rio and Avatar have been going hand and fucking hand lately lol. This idea is so fucking funny dude. I'm CACKLING. I absolutely adore the idea of humans being perceived as the aliens in any context and just how weird that would be, and it's not touched upon ENOUGH in Avatar because we come into the world when they have known each other. Hit us with that Grace and Mo'at developing friendship dude. I've always loved that and wanted it explored more.

#grace augustine #mo'at #avatar #avatar the way of water #james cameron avatar #melissa's asks #melissa on avatar (cameron)

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eroticwound · 8 months

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Maybe part of my resistance to boxing Carmy and Sydney strictly into the “platonic” category is that I’m not even sure, based on what we’ve seen over the two seasons, if they are even friends. Sydney has been at the Beef/The Bear for a little over a year now (?), so maybe the window has been small to get super close, but you look at her relationships with the other characters and there’s imo much more clarity as to those friendships: she and Marcus of course are very good friends, he was probably her first friend at The Beef; she and Tina, it took some time to build that trust but once it was there Tina became her work mom and Syd values her companionship; although not shown explicitly, I also want to argue that Sydney and Nat have built a friendship of sorts since the end of s1 - they came up with CP at some point, meaning Syd felt comfortable enough (and Nat encouraged) talking shit about Carmy with her when he’s being Carmy. And the omelette was such a lovely act of kindness and care. Syd and Richie’s dynamic is significantly better than in s1, but it’s a bit awkward and kinda in the category of work friend that was once your nemesis but now you happily tolerate, if that makes sense? I do think it’s less intense between them by E10, and I’m curious how them working together like that on expo will make Syd more inclined to trust Richie more. The rest of the crew id say are amicable work friends to just associates?

That leaves her and Carmy. They’ve got crazy chemistry off the bat, their minds operate on almost the same level, completing each others sentences, etc etc. But while that’s great evidence of their strong work relationship, I can see Sydney if asked saying that Carmy is more so just a guy she works (and now is a business partner) with, whereas she’d definitely say Marcus is a good friend, yknow? Syd has huge emotional walls built up, doesn’t like to be vulnerable, though she’s done so when either one of the guys urge her to share more. From Carmy’s end, he actually might (subconsciously) view Sydney as his friend thanks to their easy connection. He also picked Sydney, whereas all of his current “friends” were just inherited from Mikey (sorry Fak). Doesn’t mean he loves them any less or that they aren’t his actual friends — just that with Syd, he’s starting fresh in making a friend. He really wants to get to know Sydney — how she’s feeling, what her former bosses think of her, what Sheridan was like, what her relationship with her parents is like (and he feels guilty for not knowing about her mom) — but his probing always happens in the context of cooking or the kitchen, and so Syd’s default is to be guarded or resort to humor. And I think that there were indications that they were growing closer through the chaos menu, but then he starts to date Claire and that project (and building a friendship) was put on hold for a long time and instead there was big a disconnect cause they weren’t communicating. So like yeah, there are platonic elements, but I say these two are operating as a more ambiguous, “secret third thing”. And especially after E10, I don’t know where their pre-friendship progress stands going forward cause I see their relationship as the one that may need the most repairing post Friends & Family 😔

hey anon! sorry for the delay answering this. i appreciate you dropping these bear thoughts in my inbox :)

i’m not sure what made you think i believe syd and carm are platonic? unless maybe you saw me tag something with “i’m a sydcarmy queer platonic truther.” if that’s the case, let me assure you that puts me firmly in the “secret third thing” camp with you. basically, i think it’s likely carmy is on the asexual spectrum, and what’s more “secret third thing” than a queer platonic relationship?

i agree with your reads on the other, clearer relationships between syd and the bear employees (tho i think there’s also a mentor (syd)/mentee (tina) quality between syd and tina. and marcus obvi feels less platonic/more romantic towards syd)

as for syd and carmy… idk, it’s the most complicated dynamic on the show. i disagree that syd views carmy as “just a guy she works with”—this is a guy she can be *creatively vulnerable* with, a colleague who has serious accolades who is telling her they’re working at the same level. who is telling her out of all the high end chefs he knows, he wants to collaborate with her. like, he believes in her and her food so much that he’s made her his partner in all of this. and that’s in addition to the crazy chemistry you reference! being a chef isn’t just a job for them, it’s an artistic calling. collaborating like they do is more on par with a directing duo than people who just work together in the same department. they make each other better at their chosen art (like that’s straight from under the table scene)

but i agree their friendship is.. in its infancy at the least lmao. and i think your reads for why syd is hesitant are correct. carmy’s only tryna get close and ask personal questions when they’re cooking (because he doesn’t know any other way to bond). that being said, besides her dad, she’s never shown chilling with anyone outside of former or current coworkers. syd clearly forms great relationships with her coworkers, like you point out and as further evidenced by her food crawl in sundae. but it’s heavily implied that syd is just as addicted to work as carm, and might not have a huge circle she hangs out with regularly (yet another syd/carm parallel). she’s got walls, like you say, and is shown to be uncomfortable with a lot of emotion (and can sometimes be a dick about it, like with mikey’s hat <3 ). so there’s allll that at play from syd’s end.

and i do agree that carmy views her as a close friend. i like that you point out everyone in carmy’s life except syd is an inherited relationship. that’s SO TRUE. in general, carmy is really delayed and unaware when it comes to relationships—ALL relationships, not just romantic. fak claims carmy and him are best friends but carm doesn’t think so, or rather he’s not really sure. he hasn’t had enough close friends to say. he thought mikey was his best friend, but then was frozen out and realized he knew nothing about him. he wants to be closer with syd, suggested the palate cleanser, which would have been a great way for syd and him to build their friendship, but then claire came along :\

i *am* super stoked to see where syd and carm’s relationship shakes out next season. like carm’s in suuuuch a bad place, and then syd is SOOO anxious about failing. i fear it’s going to get worse before it gets better… but i do think they’re meant to be together in the best (secret third thing) way :)

#anon #the bear #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #sydney adamu #bear meta #meta #sydcarmy #but qpr sydcarmy >:)

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