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#theyre literally such losers they do everything wrong and they all die for it.
marklikely · 1 year
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cishet men have convinced me that im wrong about movies but like do they understand that the reservoir dogs are. big idiot losers
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goremet-chef · 11 months
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guhh im so bothered rnn (vent/rant)
so... i? idk. ive been out as trans in my house since 2020. my mom doesnt call me dom (sometimes she does if my sibling encourages her to, but she defaults back to my deadname anyways) and ive learned to accept it. i dont think she ever will and its sad for me, the reality that once i start my transition, ill need to just.. leave a lot of my family behind. they think its some rebellious choice like i hate all of them but im more worried about them hating me
my mom says shes supportive but is actively right wing, shes having an inner battle with her ideologies, i know that. i can tell by how she talks about homeless people vs how she talks about us being queer
so. whatever. thats my mom i guess. but for a long time, i wasnt out to my moms husband. i despise him and ive never intentionally started a conversation with him, let alone come out. ive started to not care about what he thinks. i know what he thinks, he thinks gays should die, said it straight to my gay siblings face. okay, cool. doesnt concern me, moms bf is absolutely fucking nothing to me.
to remedy this sort of like... we didnt wanna DEAL with what he might say if he heard both my siblings calling me dom, cuz both of them do, so whenever theyre around they would just refer to my deadname, but i saw it made them cringe, so now everyone calls me 'that one child'
that one, other one, etc etc
no one even calls me my name anymore
it makes me feel so hopeless. ive EXPRESSED it makes me upset but my younger sibling doesnt care (the one most guilty of it), because they dont understand why it upsets me, i guess thats enough reason to keep going
its so dehumanizing to be reduced to actually nothing. i ALREADY have heaps and heaps and HEAPS of identity issues. sometimes it gets so bad i start having crazy ass delusions, sometimes im not even present and its a different part of my mind in my body
its hard enough as is!!! now my family wont call me anything at all
it makes me feel less bad about leaving, but i dont think ill ever leave at this rate
need to start T, change my name, get a job, all in that order. starting T seems impossible at this rate. i.. dont know what to do. i cant keep LIVING like this, because im not living at all
i never leave my house because im too ashamed in how i look, i cant BEAR the thought of anyone else perceiving me as female, i cant fucking do it!!! im so tired. my house is like a prison for me, genuinely.
and my family dont get it, obviously. they think its my choice, im some kind of hermit who doesnt care about being outside because i have internet. they are so fucking wrong. i miss going out, i miss being around people, i miss existing like everyone else, but i just cant do it man. not like this
so it becomes a waiting game, when am i gonna bring up starting it? how do i even move forward once i do? what if she says no? id have to do it on my own but i cant.. i cant even order things for myself without freezing like shutting up will get me out of there, i cant fucking do it
she doesnt even know!! we were in the car together and she was like yknow theres people who cant even make a doctors appointment. what losers.
IM losers, would she have said that if she knew? does she know and decided to say it anyways? i dont know, but its just.. everything seems so hopeless at this point. i want to just give up, accept im not gonna be who i truly am, but man i cant stand being any more miserable
it makes me wanna cry, the only time i get to feel myself how i think i should be is either if i draw something fictitious, or if i spend hours in the mirror making sure i look masculine, my mustache is convincing, etc. AND FOR WHAT? literally for fucking WHAT, because i dont leave the house anyways!!!!! dolled up like i have somewhere to be, like my appearance will get me what i want, when im stuck at home! i got nothing to prove to them, they think what they think
its fucking dreadful. im so scared of my life passing me by, and here i am wasting away in my bedroom for the last 3 years. no progress, nothing. at first, i was scared about even starting T because theres a higher risk of heart disease, but. i dont fucking care if it KILLS me. i dont care!!! if it kills me i dont fucking care im not living the life i want to live anyways. the risk of death is worth it at this point, i mean that so seriously
idk. im just tired, is all. i wish everyone could perceive me the way i dream they would. only time that happens is online, or when im not with my family at all and instead with my friends. but we only hang out like. once in a blue moon
and yknow what? im not even safe then. i remember we were at my friends house for halloween last year (we always meet up). i had my full leatherface costume one, my face was touched up to make it look like the mask. and still. dressed that way, when my friends mom asked me what my name was, i said dom and she was immediately like. "oh, dominique?" no. my name is fucking DOMINIC.
i didnt say anything besides correcting her, but it was such a blow, man. the only time ill be happy is if im closely monitoring every single thing i do, to make sure i dont appear feminine at all. no matter how i look, now matter how deep my voice is. miserable. why would anyone think that id choose this
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relaxxattack · 3 years
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oh youre alive :D glad you had a nice time pigs are very fun. anyways i dont follow enough dsmp people to know what the discourse is all about but i did watch ranboos lis stream which was very fun. i will not spoil but it was so fucking queer. he got through 3/4 chapters and is gonna do the last one tomorrow :] otherwise uhhh i remember making enderman hcs before passing out last night but for the most part todays just been very very chill.
also yeah tubbos no light player, not in that hes just super Not a light player at all (he does share some traits with lifebound players), but ultimately knowledge/relevancy isnt really his main focus, hes just smart and likes history lol.
i did check and theyre saying hes a page of light which is a definite no on my end. pages have to learn their aspect and tubbos the type to have always been connected to his aspect (which yeah. is space lmao), plus he just doesnt really have the personality of one id say? like compared to our canonical pages (jake, tavros, and horuss), tubbos just never been in like. the kind of pathetic loser stage. i can see why they pegged him as one though, what with, again, him being smart and wanting history to be preserved (plus his worry about who would tell him and tommys stories were they to die), as well as i can see why they would see him as starting out with a disadvantage and becoming more powerful, because, well, it could fit! i just think pages are like, charismatic assholes who get away with shit, and tubbo kind of just. isnt like that, because he gets the shit beat out of him verbally and physically for everything ever 😔
basically, theyre not like.. incredibly wrong, but page of light is a classpect that doesnt really fit the themes of tubbos story, it just happens to fit because of his story of gaining power (even though he doesnt truly want it). he shares certain traits, but ultimately his story fits other classpects better (like, of course, heir of space lmao). its kind of funny looking at the classpecting going on over there honestly, because they also had bloodbound tommy and heartbound radioduo, though tommy was put as a rogue and ranboo as a knight, with wilbur as a bard which is.. really fucking funny to me because those are literally the opposite classes of what we have listed for those three (even if i see tommy as a knight, he does fit thief very well). theres also techno as either a page of rage (funny to me because haha thats what im thinking could be ranboo) or a prince of blood (also funny to me because thats what i see dream as). i dont actually have any thoughts on techno yet though dont ask me i still have to finish that fucking ranboo essay lmao -🎭🎪
this was a treat to read
cannot wait to watch the ranboo vod
i had techno as a prince of rage just because. i mean, obvious reasons. but if we end up classpecting him deeper i would be interested 👀
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739337369137371082 · 4 years
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Hey so I found u thru the Halved Live Funnies and I gotta ask... whose Leon? What series these dudes from?
i got this ask and then forgot about it for like 2 days. anyways.
IVE ANSWERED THIS BEFORE BUT. GOD. LEON. ok so like....... long story short last year was when i first played resident evil........ bc we got a copy of re2remake in and.... jesus christ. i hyperfixated so fucking hard for the better part of a year going on into this year. and then i watched hl/vr and well. we know where that went. but now i am once again hyperfixated and now im back to where i was in like.... june of last year LMAO. but anyways i am once again going to ramble under the cut about them <3 (seriously. its very long and doesnt go much of anywhere. also spoilers)
tl/dr:
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OK. SO. resident evil. the last time i answered this ask i either hadnt played some of them or just completely forgot the plot of others LOL but now upon beating/playing a large majority of them (besides 6 which i have not touched yet, and 7 is first person and im not rly interested in it rn)...... well others have said this as well but if you like cheesy b action movies you would love resident evil!!! 
the orig 1-2 are more survival horror which is what i like the most. 3 is where it starts branching into more actiony stuff but is still survival horror. but 4 and after is just like..... cheesy action stuff which is fine but not really like.... my thing. altho i do think that they are fun in a “this plot is hilariously bad” type way because i do enjoy horrible things. but people who like resident evil dont like it for the plot they like it for the characters. and for me i latched the fuck onto leon kennedy and tyrant t-00 aka mr fucking x
listen.......... you guys know me relatively well enough to know that i have a type......... and i would define leon as not really fitting under it usually because he is 1. under 6 foot 2. human and 3. very much not a villain. but something about (mostly remake) leon hits fucking different!!!!!! hes kind and means well, thinks about others constantly, looks like an actual fucking person in the in game graphics instead of being some manufactured perfect model, nice voice, etc....... i fucking care him so much. also gameplay wise i find his weapons to be more enjoyable than claires so i always end up playing his route/2nd route the most compared to hers. but i do also like claire :) shes nice and epic
i dont really like the newer leons (4 and afterwards) as much.... i mean a lot of it has to do with trauma and general “growing up” after what happened in re2 but hes just so constantly... snarky? jaded? constantly spouting lines to make him seem cool? when in my head hes very much like... a loser LMAO. i mean dont get me wrong hes a badass. he survives a fucking zombie outbreak and nearly gets murdered dozens of time. thats the definition of badass. but also you cannot change my mind that hes also a anxious loser twunk. there is literally nothing you can do to convince me he is “cool” like the games and movies want to think. this is probably heresy to re fans but this is my truth
https://youtu.be/aVZWuSfGStk?t=129
here is a vid of his cutscenes. obvious spoilers in there but you can skip around and see how cute he is. also yes in his first cutscene he is listening to butt rock. i switch between thinking hes just listening to it because nothing else is on the radio or his taste really is that terrible
also you literally CANNOT convince me that he is straight. the games try SOOOOO hard to get you to ship leon/ada or leon/claire but like...... i cannot see it. he has one of the gayest run animations i have ever seen in re2 remake and i mean... he just radiates gay trans man energy to me. also please look at this small scene from one of the animated movies where a licker jumps on top of him and he wraps his legs around its hips and lifts it off of him to not die. gay king
https://youtu.be/d-VNikxYBPw?t=9
but yes ive basically decided to ignore all characterization from re4 and onwards regarding leon at least. every leon after that is not my leon (except in special cases when im thinking about something like leon/jd from re damnation..... they did jd so dirty and they should have fucking kissed. or how cute he looked in vendetta sometimes)
ANYWAYS. MR X
so basically there are these enemies in resident evil called “tyrants” that are manufactured by the evil capitalist company umbrella that are near indestructible save for like.... rocket launchers or super heavy artillery that youre not buying at your local gun store. and in re2 one of them get sent to the police station where leon and claire are and is told to wipe out all witnesses. (i also do think that 2 or more were sent there... or at least in the area when this happened due to some very obvious plot hole stuff on each route no matter how you play, even tho the devs have come out and said that only 1 existed in the game and that each route is like “a parallel dimension” to each other. i wont go into it more than that but i choose to ignore that)
and well. when i first played it i knew of mr x but didnt like... know much about him other than that he was a monster and Tall (like 7 or 8 feet tall) and that he chased you around. that already sold me on him but then. well. you first encounter him because he lifts up an entire goddamn helicopter and then proceeds to chase you. and it was then that i knew i was in deep shit because he fucking stomped his way into my heart and never left.
mr x basically has serious Side Character Disorder where (even tho the remake made him very cool and epic and did him really well compared to nemesis in re3 remake which is an entire different can of worms) he has LITERALLY no personality or like. thoughts. or anything. hes only there to chase you around and be on screen for like 10 seconds for a couple of cutscenes and then not show up again until the very end of the game for you to fight on leons route. but god. he means so fucking much to me. 
you know how people latch onto random side characters that have no personality and essentially flesh them out more than the creators ever will? thats me with mr x. its gotten to the point where certain songs come on on my spotify and i actually get EMOTIONS or even TEARS because they remind me of him, but its not even really HIM, its the fucking ideas that ive come up with regarding him because all he ever does in game is chase you around and punch you and then die and is never brought up again
but anyways. mr x is a tall monster who chases leon and claire around in their routes but mr x is leons main monster in the game (claire has a different one). he chases leon around, literally never stops looking at him as he chases him, gets hit by an entire fucking car which then explodes BUT THEN chases him down into the sewers and into a secret underground lab just to get to him like a fucking bloodhound who, once he has the scent, will never stop chasing him
(you can see why this made me kind of insane)
just. AGHHH. the tyrants in this series get treated so dirty. i desperately want capcom to give us some sort of tyrant that can actually fucking like.... go against orders and brainwashing or whatever and actually have emotions and thoughts!!!!!!!!!! but capcom would never do anything with it cause its a rough and tough action series and people arent here to see tyrants have some sort of thought process beyond punching and killing and people only want to shoot guns at them instead of thinking about the possibilities of a tyrant that goes against its programming.
i so desperately want an au where mr x got the transmitter shot off of the side of his head (and while capcom never mentioned this ever many re2 fans have since decided that it is what feeds info/orders to him. i flip flop between thinking that it either is near controlling him and prevents free will and thought or that its just giving him orders and that hes just burying/hiding/not showing free will and thought in fear of being killed. either that or someone at umbrella is “piloting” him but also the whole point of tyrants is that theyre supposed to be smart enough to think for themselves somewhat so... eh). GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
ive explained a bunch of this stuff in my other ask about it but just...... xleon means so much to me when it should not and will never be actually canon
anyways please play re2 remake at least, you dont have to know everything about re1 to like it, just go into it knowing that a few months ago in the mountains outside raccoon city claires brother chris and a few members on his team went to a mansion where they discovered umbrella doing shady zombie shit there. re2 remake was hyped up for years for a reason and it is really good, even if its short (altho i do appreciate short games in this day and age cause not every game needs to be like 60 plus hours long). 
maybe one day when its not late and i can actually think i will explain all this better but todays not that day <3
(EDIT: ALSO RE DAMNATION TYRANTS ARE 14 FEET TALL. AND CHASE AROUND LEON AND ACTUALLY FUCKING RUN. FUN FACT! anyways while i do think jd in that movie and leon should kiss i also want leon and a tyrant from that movie to kiss. bye)
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cockbiteproductions · 5 years
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primed to scream PRIMES! PRIMES! PRIMES!!
f i just typed the answer to most of these questions and chrome crashed so christ i have to fucking retype all these but much condensed because i am lazy.
2. chocolate bars or lollipops?
chocolate bars. but only milk. my mom buys exclusively Very Dark Chocolate though so i usually just stare at those and Wish.
3. bubblegum or cotton candy?
well bubblegum or cotton candy flavored stuff neither they both taste nauseating. if we’re talking about the actual stuff then bubblegum because i can pop it. this actually reminded me i have gum in the pantry from the beginning of the semester i havent even opened yet so now my roommates have you to thank for popping noises the next hr or so
5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?
soda bottles because i dont like to drink soda quickly and so i want to close it and not let the carbon dioxide escape. soda cans a close second because it’s satisfying to open the tab.
7. earbuds or headphones?
wired earbuds because headphones are too big and clunky and you cant easily lay on your side with headphones on. but if my next pair of earbuds break within a month i might consider Switching because ive had 3 break on me in the past month and half and im at my wits end with earbuds.
11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?
i dont eat much for breakfast cause i want to sleep in until the last possible moment and i get stomachaches when i eat a lot in the morning but ill eat a piece of bread and yogurt maybe.
13. lanyard or key ring?
key ring but that’s just because i havent used a lanyard before. i think i would like a lanyard. im constantly looking for my keys in bags.
17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?
this pair of black sandals that i have tan lines on my feet from how much ive worn them
19. sleeping position?
ill sleep however... i like sleeping on my left side. on my stomach with my head to the right. on my back with my arms crossover my chest to keep warm. at the end of the bed with my head where my feet should be. i dont move at all when i sleep so freshman year when i had a lofted bed i think my roommate was a bit concerned in the beginning when i refused a bedrail because she thought i might fall. i never fell which was nice.
23. strange habits?
oh man idk i probably have a lot of those but nothing i can think about right now when im being put on the spot.
in elementary school i used to refuse to step on the yellow tiles at school.
29. best way to bond with you?
talk to me about the stuff i love!!!! and watch the stuff i love with me!!!! i am always down to [whatever the rabb.it replacement is these days] stuff with people and just generally both yell at each other and be passionate about stuff. currently what im passionate about is the stuff im screaming over at @winstonbillions​ so talk to me about that stuff!! please. i am always 3 seconds from screaming about ANY of that stuff.
31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?
idk about outfits to kick ass and take names but i have outfits where i get my ass kicked and name taken aka what i wear to exams. which is my tower of pimps shirt which ive deemed lucky. is it lucky in any way? no, but i’m hoping if i wear it enough to exams it might.
37. suitcase or duffel bag?
duffel bag. suitcases are so large and unwieldily. that reminds me i have a suitcase of winter clothes in my trunk i need to take out.
41. last person you texted?
as in actual texts on my phone? that would be my dad. asking him if i should drop my class im failing. 
as for the last person i instant messaged, that would be one of my mutuals through my musical theater sideblog im currently yelling at about [musical theater related interest]. im not kidding guys talk to me about the stuff i post about on @winstonbillions​ PLEASE
43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?
2 months ago i would have said hoodie but im kinda becoming a cardigan kind of person now. theyre just Soft and and Long and Casual and i love them. hoodies are too hard to take off.
47. favorite type of cheese?
mild cheddar, american, and mozzarella. i actually only Recently started cataloging cheeses in my brain to their actual names so for my entire life i was like i just like cheese even though there are certain ones i hate like swiss and blue cheese.
53. what is the current state of your hands?
a bit cold and a bit tired from typing all the answers to all these asks tbh. but other than that good. i just cut my nails because they were atrociously long. 
59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?
“worm” or “fuck” or “no!” according to my roommate
61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?
oh my ogdokh oym ogdos sd fdospohm to mo edf ucmign fugod mfyo uacant just ask me this im going to absolutely die
in absolutely no order, all from completely from memory, and favorite for a variety of different reasons
“fuck you, math man. if you’re such a genius why can’t you count to loyalty” - mafee in 4x11 lamster billions
“captain, he think, and feels that much more powerful” - luminousbeings in you don’t have to (say yes) the star trek fic
“more than you know, i understand wanting to walk away from the jedi”“i know.” - anakin skywalker and ahsoka tano in 5x12 the wrong jedi star wars the clone wars
“i won’t leave you, not this time.” “then you will die” - ahsoka tano and darth vader in 2x12 twilight of the apprentice star wars rebels
“there is nothing so pure as a man on a mission. when faced with the fire, never quivers or runs. there is nothing so noble as sticking together, for lonely is the life lead when sticking to its guns." - narrator in bloodsong of love by joe iconis
“now i’ve got myself a name and i’m ready to risk it with a battle cry disguised as a sing-along” - never heard nothing by joe iconis
“i’m frickin done with being the loser, the wuss, the underdog. being the misfit, the old school analog. being the oddball, the weakling freak. the failure, the sucker, the please-don’t-speak. oh i can’t hardly wait for the moment when i’m not the loser the geek or whatever, ever again” - jeremy heere in be more chill by joe iconis
“i’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that i am” - various in be more chill by joe iconis
“q is for quantitative, baby!” - winston in 4x12 extreme sandbox billions
“the cheering is just as important as the song” - lisa and ms. werring in the black suits by joe iconis
“first, best destiny” - spock in star trek ii wrath of khan
“be proud of your place in the cosmos. it is small, and yet it is. how unlikely. how fantastic, and stupid. and excellent.” - cecil in welcome to night vale old oak doors part b
“are we living a life that is safe from harm? of course not. we never are. the questions is are we living a life that is worth the harm?” - cecil in welcome to night vale parade day
“as I turned and my eyes beheld you, i displayed emotion. i beg forgiveness.” - spock somewhere in star trek tos
“the sky collapsed without a sound. these broken pieces hit the ground.  the rain fell down around me and i drowned, but i will save you.” - part of me from dear evan hansen
“this is, after all, the story of how i died” - epsilon in the rvb13 trailer
“and while the law has many punishments for the atrocities we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors we inflict on ourselves.” - the director in the s6 finale of red vs blue
that was in no way an exhaustive list but all i could think of at the moment
67. good luck charms?
not really any tbh. i try to wear my tower of pimps shirt whenever i take an exam but that’s about it.
71. least favorite pattern?
what does this even fucking mean?????? i will say the observer design pattern in programming because i don’t understand it well despite having used it twice now.
73. favorite weird flavor combo?
oh god idk why are all these questions getting harder. nothing i can think of at the moment.
79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?
i say school id tentatively, but neither of them looks great. my school id photo was a selfie.
83. writing or drawing?
writing. i wish to GOD i could draw and i probably could if i put in the amount of time i need to to learn how to draw but im a lazy bastard. but i’m not that great at writing either as i’ve found out. everything is way too short and out of character and too venty and i am weird about letting people i know read what i write (sorry @ all the people who keep asking me to let them read my writing.  it’s not that great you’re not missing out at all and i hate the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known) and i abandon ideas literal minutes after getting them.
89. who would you put before everyone else?
what the fuck kind of question is this?????? i GUESS the answer should be me but uh i am not even putting myself before myself as i am procrastinating on a shitload of homework with this. i guess my “close” friends. they’re pretty chill. but generally ill do anything for anyone all you have to do is ask.
97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?
4, my own, my home landline, my dad’s cell, and my dad’s work.
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johnnysseocute · 6 years
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Enemies to lovers - Lee Donghyuck
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Warnings lot of cursing, a little kiss, FLUFFF !!
A/N: this is unedited but its kinda cute i worked hard pls enjoy
when donghyuck hates someone he HATES them
its just the gemini in him
like it didnt take much for him to hate yoy either
you and mark shared a class so ofc when you and him started hanging out around the dorms and shit he wasnt having ut
walking around with your cute laugh and beautiful smile HYUCK WAS NOT HAVING !! IT
so when you tried to introduce yourself he was weirdly distant and a little rude
which was confusing a bit to you bc you couldve sworn you were smiling your winning smile to try and win him over but he wasnt won over
and from then on the glares and bumping began in the halls
and from then on you couldnt stand him
you had no idea what his problem was all you knew was he had a sly comment whenever you said anything and continuously glared daggers into your skull
so fuck hyuck ! AAAAA I HAD TO
you and your mutual hatred for hyuck made it a lil awkward for you guys to all hang out
like mark or any of the other dreamies wanted you to come over to the dorms they wpuld always have to go through the petty arguments yall had Y/N v hyuck !!
and one day after a huge argument over some dumb shit it was over what movie to watch smh mark sent donghyucks grumpy ass into the room to have a talk with him
"i dont even know why you hate them they've literally done nothing to you"
mark was right but he still sat on the bed w his arms folded pouting ITS VERY CUTE MIGHT I ADD
so mark knowing hyuck continue
"y'know yall are very similar i bet thats why you hate them so much, its like when little boys pull little girls pigtails on the playground bc they have a crush on th-"
"FUCK OFF MARK, IM NOT 8"
and mark laughed bc he knew he was right and he knew donghyuck knew too so his work was done
"come out when your ready to be civil and apologize"
but ofc while mark was giving hyuck his mini talk jaemin and jeno sat you down and told you they hated seeing their best friends hate each other
so somehow with the help of jaemins very convincing smile you agreed to hang out with hyuck ... alone
so when donghyuck came out to apologize you said sorry too and offered the cute little 'friend date' idea jeno came up with
before donghyuck could say he would rather die mark stepped saying he agreed setting a time and date so you two can finally get to know eachother
you guys met up at a local cafe to study
and at first it seemed like it would be a complete disaster
but you both showed up trying your hardest not to be complete asses
you both ended up ordering the same thing which hyuck laugh a little
maybe mark was actually on to smth abt the similarity thing but he would never admit to mark being right
"wow maybe your laugh isnt annoying"
your comment making you both laugh
you guys continued the lil study session it getting more bearable over time
finding out abt that you guys have some of the same interests
like music, tv shows, movies ALL KINDS OF SHIT
yall were just clicking and it was surprising but nice
and it was almost time for you to go hone so hyuck panicked and said that he didnt understand a certain section of the notes so he asked of you could teach him it "even though your still dumb as shit"
he made sure to add so you wouldnt ofc get the wrong idea
"but coming from the dumb ass asking me for help but go off !"
and for the first time both of yohr insults were lighthearted and left hyuck feeling a little fuzzy inside and when you left he just sat there
like what the fuck was he doing he understood those notes he fucking wrote them he just wanted you be there back with him,,,, just the two of you
he couldnt stand being in the room with you but now he wanted to spend as much time with your bitchass as possible
so this continued for a couple of weeks
he continued not to understand things and help you with the things you understand too
his insults began to lose their edge and turned into things like 'u cute loser'
and he began texting you more often and somehow getting more touchy with you, offering to walk you home and playfully trying to hold your hand
mark ofc noticed how he would ask abt you more often and try his damn hardest to somehow wedge you into the convo
"so hyuck hows your study sessions Y/N going ??"
"fine, theyre pretty dumb"
mark turned around to scold him but he stopped bc he saw him,,,,, smiling,,,,, the lee donghyuck was smiling,,,,, all bc of you
and then. thats when mark knew.
"WHAT YOU TAKE THAT BACK I DO NOT LIKE THEM THATS FUCKING GROSS EW"
buuuuut mark saw right through him, hed known donghyuck for way too long so he pushed him more
"so you dont like anything abt them ??? at all ??"
"i mean they're not that bad i guess. kinda cute and funny and they have the cutest little giggle and they way they scrunch theyre nose an-"
"OH MY GOD I KNEW"
"THAT MEANS NOTHING YOU DUMB BITCH LEAVE ME ALONE"
so hyuck went to bed with a lot on his mind and ofc the next day he had to see you
on your study session he was weirdly quiet and wasnt giving you his usual witty retorts to any of your comments so you knew something was off
"hey hyuck is everything alright i know you really cant stand me but if theres something wrong im here to talk"
"HOLY SHIT I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH YOU"
shit shit shit he didnt mean to blurt it out like that you just looked extra cute that day and you were beong extra sweet and plus you used his nickname AND IT WAS TOO MUCH FOR HIM !!
as he went to apologize and desperately look for a way to cover it up
"HOLY SHIT I FEEL THE SAME WAY"
and he froze,,,,,,
"ITS JUST I THOUGHT YOU STILL HATED ME SO I WAS SCARED TO ADMIT IT BUT I REALLY LIKE BEING AROUND YOU AND YOURE SO CUTE HYUCK I JUST WANTED TO KISS YOU"
"OH MY GOD I WAS TOO SCARED YOU HATED ME STILL LIKE THATS WHY I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING BUT IT WAS KILLING ME BC MY GOD YOU ARE CUTE Y/N"
so basically you and hyuck screamed abt you guys liked eachother for a good 5 min until yall calmed down and just giggled
but it was already time for you to go so you asked him to walk you home in the quietest voice and his heart dropped
like yes !! you cute bitch !!
and he actually held your hand this time swinging it and lifting it up to kiss your hand every once in a while just to hear your giggle
and it was sooo nice to actually be able to express how he felt abt you
and once you reached your house, you gave him a quick peck on his lips holding his face in your hands
"now i want a real date you cute loser"
"whatever you say you adorable dork"
and with that donghyuck was off with the brightest smile on his face
until he remembered he would have to see tge dreamies and all their smug asses
but for now he'll just bask in the fact that the cutest person to walk the earth just kissed him
171 notes · View notes
jiilys · 7 years
Text
my sort of thing
Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: turn down gasolina
Sirius Black: ur literally miles away
Remus Lupin: are you playing it
Sirius Black: well yeah
Remus Lupin: turn it down
Lily Evans to Sirius Black: tell potter to stop trying to engage me with fruit based wordplay
Sirius Black: he’ll be gutted
Sirius Black: also how did u get this number
Lily Evans: its written in the girls bathroom with TWAT over it
Sirius Black: and u assumed it was me
Lily Evans: well potter doesnt have an 021 number
Peter Pettigrew to gross gang: DISASTER ALERT
Peter Pettigrew: the vending machine ate my dollar and didnt give me my crisps
Peter Pettigrew to gross gang: stop seening me
James Potter to crew (cuts should b our new Look™): U LOT ARE NEVER GOING TO FUCKING BELIEVE THIS
James Potter to Lily Evans: i cant believe u rear ended me
Lily Evans: i said id cover the damage
James Potter: will u get my personalized plate fixed
Lily Evans: i’ll do u one better and buy u a new one
James Potter to Lily Evans: so my ‘’’’personalized plate’’’’’ just arrived
James Potter: it’s a bit of paper with ‘shitbitch’ on it
Lily Evans: i also drew a border
Sirius Black: to if we renacted Lizzie McGuire (2001-2004) who would be lizzie: if there was a nuclear apocalypse i would save any dog over all of u
Remus Lupin: what brought this on
Sirius Black: just saw a dog and wanted 2 be clear  
Peter Pettigrew to James Potter: why is there a piece of paper with ‘shitbitch’ on it on ur car
Sirius Black to James Potter: im in the assembly hall replacing all the trophies with vodka bottles
James Potter: no ur not
James Potter: cause im in the assembly hall replacing the curtains with glad wrap
Sirius Black: nah im in dumstrams assembly hall
James Potter: we dont go to dumstram
Sirius Black: whats ur point
James Potter to Lily Evans: remember last night when u asked me what my favourite kitchen utensil was
Lily Evans: no
James Potter: it was after beer pong but before you dumped a bag of flour on my head and called me a snowman
Lily Evans: still no
James Potter: well anyway ive had a thought and decided its the can opener
Peter Pettigrew to sirius you are neither cool nor a drug dealer: the assemblies projector is impossible to hack
Remus Lupin: don’t say hack when ur just swapping the DVDs
Peter Pettigrew: u never let me b cool
James Potter to Lily Evans: can i borrow ur chem hmw
James Potter: by borrow i mean copy
Lily Evans: i didnt do it i was gunna ask u
Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: hey remus
Remus Lupin: i didnt do the chem homework either
Lily Evans: bye remus
James Potter to can giraffes get ripped: if evans asks I dont know who coldplay is
Sirius Black to Lily Evans: potter loves coldplay and went to their concert in 2011
Peter Pettigrew to Lily Evans: james’ favourite coldplay song is charlie brown
Remus Lupin to Lily Evans: if u play ‘fix you’ once james has had one (1) beer he will tear up and pretend its hay fever  
James Potter to can giraffes get ripped: no one here has any fucking loyalty
Peter Pettigrew to it should be pengu not pingu: sirius u ate all the humus and now mums pissed
Sirius Black: did u tell liz it was me
Sirius Black: say it was lupin
Remus Lupin: do not
Sirius Black changed the group name to (do it pete) get fucked remus
Unknown to James Potter: i think we need to get our stories straight
James Potter: who is this ??
Unknown: lily obvsly
Unknown: im using a burner in case the police hack my phone
James Potter: christ
James Potter: we spilt water on one library book
Unknown: so long dickweed im going underground
James Potter: does this mean ur missing bake off
Unknown: no obvsly ill go after bake off im not an animal
James Potter to Sirius Black: would u marry me to stop me from getting deported
Sirius Black: obviously
Sirius Black: why
James Potter: just checking
Sirius Black to Lily Evans: u want me and james 2 punch avery 4 the calling u poor thing
Lily Evans: no
Lily Evans: do not do that
Sirius Black: wish youd sent this earlier
Lily Evans: i replied literally a minute after u sent this
Lily Evans: sirius what have u done
Lily Evans to James Potter: i dont need you lot punching people for me its really not on
James Potter: technically i was keying avery’s car so didn’t punch anyone
James Potter: however sirius did
James Potter: also remus
James Potter: peter was in the bathroom
James Potter: also u coating mulciber’s locker with rotten banana after he ripped remus’ bag last week was ‘really not on’ either but you still did it
Sirius Black to Remus Lupin: u look awful did u sleep last night
Sirius Black: go home
Remus Lupin: i cant miss bio
Sirius Black: ill go for u
Remus Lupin: u dont take bio
Sirius Black: irrelevant
James Potter to Lily Evans: if i didn’t know better id say u were getting detentions just to see me
Lily Evans: good thing u know better then
Lily Evans to Sirius Black: am currently covered in greek yoghurt & hiding in slughorns toilet
Sirius Black: hot
Lily Evans: that was meant for james
Lily Evans: also whats wrong with you  
Lily Evans to James Potter: U DRAGGED ME TO THIS FUCKING MOVIE AND UR FUCKING LATE
Lily Evans: UNBELIEVABLE
Lily Evans: IM SITTING IN THE CINEMA ALONE
Lily Evans: oh
Lily Evans: ok Slight Problem i am in the Wrong Cinema
Remus Lupin to Peter Pettigrew: tell sirius his bag is open
Peter Pettigrew: why don’t u tell him
Remus Lupin: im not speaking to him bc he said james glasses’ made me look like a wombat
Peter Pettigrew to peter doesnt eat the carrot skin and Its Weak: just saw evans eating a lemonade ice block
Sirius Black: theyre famously bland u have to drop her james
James Potter: fat chance
Lily Evans to James Potter: if/when we’re on a panel show our team name will be pottered plants
Lily Evans: dont u dare seen this ive never been funnier
Sirius Black to loser lane: good morning friends
Sirius Black: get fucked peter
Peter Pettigrew: i SAID SORRY i didn’t know it was ur bagel  
Sirius Black: lupin tell peter that i am not speaking to him
Remus Lupin: peter, sirius says he wants to blow you
Peter Pettigrew: i decline
Sirius Black: u fucking what
Sirius Black: it would be THE HONOUR OF YOUR LIFE to get blown by me u fucking heathen
Lily Evans to James Potter: sirius just said i look pretty and didnt ask to borrow gas money after
James Potter: unheard of
James Potter: you do look pretty tonight
Lily Evans: cheers
Lily Evans: youve never said that to me before are you sneaking wine behind slughorns back
James Potter: no
James Potter (yes)
James Potter: if i said u looked pretty every time you did id never say anything else
Sirius Black: to hmu bitch: who took my FUCKING LAVA LAMP
James Potter: u don’t even use it
Sirius Black: give it back judas
James Potter to Lily Evans: i hate everyone here
Lily Evans: dont let sirius hear u say that
James Potter: hes making out with mcdonald he cant hear anything
James Potter: if you were here this would be bearable
Lily Evans: nah id just drink ur beer and be annoying
James Potter: true
James Potter: still want you here like mad
Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: can u die from eating to much pasta
Remus Lupin: why would i know this
Sirius Black to Lily Evans: heard ur dying
Sirius Black: can i have ur nice waterbottle
Lily Evans to James Potter: come over please
James Potter: you alright?
James Potter: you never say please when you ask me round
Lily Evans: everything has gone a little bit horrible and petunia has left and i have broken a plate
Lily Evans: please come and do that thing you do where everything isnt as bad when youre here
James Potter to Peter Pettigrew: when im in india can u feed the fish
Peter Pettigrew: ?? u don’t have fish
James Potter: yes we do theyre in the pond
Peter Pettigrew: sirius has pushed me into that pond 17 times ive never seen any fish
James Potter: hold on
James Potter: ur never going to believe this my mum has been playing this fish joke on me for seven fucking years im
James Potter: WHY WOULD ANYONE JOKE ABT SOMETHING LIKE THIS
Lily Evans to James Potter: christ i miss u
Lily Evans: didnt realise how serious that would sound over text
Lily Evans: its just its only been four days since u left but i have 983293 things to tell u and ur not here
Lily Evans: anyway
Lily Evans: i feel like an idiot goodnight
James Potter to Lupin more like LupLAME: I HAVE RETURNED  
Sirius Black: did u bring gifts
James Potter: no
Sirius Black: go back
Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: not 2 b dramatic but anything james can do i can do better
Lily Evans: including eating the most grapes in 2 minutes which i have just proven
Remus Lupin: are you two ever just normal
Remus Lupin changed the group name to uncultured shits
James Potter: we’re not uncultured just cause we dont like crackers
Sirius Black: i love crackers but only with caviar
Remus Lupin: dont align yourself with me
James Potter to Lily Evans: thanks for the oranges
James Potter: also why the oranges
Lily Evans: because you like them and our neighbors tree is low hanging  
James Potter: oh
James Potter: shit im glad i know you
Lily Evans to Sirius Black: james just fell in the parking lot and set off a car alarm
Sirius Black: typical
Sirius Black: i cant believe you want to fuck this guy
Lily Evans: yeah
Lily Evans: WAIT
Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: so u know today when james nearly died trying to jump off the assembly balcony to win a fiver
Sirius Black: i think i do recall
Remus Lupin: remember when he was on the ground and everyone was yelling and you asked me what the number for 000 was
Sirius Black: i was STRESSED
Remus Lupin: this isnt about you do you know what lily said to peter abt james
Remus Lupin: peter was bein all dramatic and said ‘hes dying’
Remus Lupin: and lily said ‘dont be ridiculous he would never do that to me’
Sirius Black: when are they going to fuck
Remus Lupin: yeah i thought it was rather romantic myself
Lily Evans to James Potter: at the risk of sounding like a tit im rlly tired of not kissing you
Lily Evans: as in i would really very much like to kiss you now and often
Lily Evans: its so late and i like you so much
Lily Evans: you always know how to make me laugh
James Potter: open your window
Lily Evans: its three in the morning
James Potter: if i keep running these red lights like i am i should be outside urs in 3 minutes  
Lily Evans: oh thank god
Sirius Black to if birds get the flu can they still call it bird flu??: james has changed his profile pic from The Boys™ to one of him and lil
James Potter: why are you talking abt me like im not in this chat
Sirius Black: lupin, tell potter im not speaking to him
Remus Lupin: james, sirius says he wants to blow you
James Potter: id rather he didnt
Sirius Black: WHY DOES NO ONE WANT ME TO BLOW THEM WHEN WILL I FIND REAL MATES
4K notes · View notes
snarkingonfatlogic · 6 years
Note
Fuck it, confession. My weight makes me want to kill myself. Every single day I'm over 140 pounds is a day in hell. My periods make it difficult to lost weight at this point. I would literally have to lose just 10 pounds and my body becomes a stubborn cunt because it just screams "Binge! Binge!" when I'm on my period. I've tried to control it. I've tried and tried and I'm at a point where I would rather die than look the way I do. I'm sick of people telling me I'm not fat. Theyre wrong.
And my periods last anywhere from 2 weeks to an entire month. I spend 90% of my life in agony, a combination of physical and emotional. I wish I wasn't a fucking weak loser. I wish I could just eat fucking less. I'll cut off my fucking tongue. I'll drink fucking drain cleaner and jab knives into my gut I'm just desperate. I'm ready to od on stimulants and laxatives because I hate myself. I hate everything that I am. And all that I am, is fucking fat and worthless. I want to die.
I'm at my wits end. I'll admit it. I'm too weak to keep doing this by myself. I'm too weak and want help but I can't get it at all. No one cares. They just think I'm insane. No, I bleed for weeks at a time and struggle with losing weight because I'm a disgusting cow. I just wish that I could never eat again. If it were that easy, I would NEVER touch food or even look at it. I would completely keep it out of my life but you need it to live! It's bullshit. It's evil and an addiction. It sucks
My brain doesn't make feel good chemicals or chemicals that tell my body to work. So eating is incredibly pointless but my body keeps trying to get that high from eating. It keeps trying and it can't. I literally cannot derive any pleasure from eating at all. It's nothing more than a worthless, pathetic compulsion that makes me weak and fat. I'm useless. I'm nothing because I'm too much. I wish I could drop dead. I wish I didn't want to drop dead. I want a normal fucking life for once.
And my whole family was obese when I was growing up. I was always told I'd be fat and stay fat for the rest of my life. I'm the lowest weight I've ever been and I just want to shed another 40-50 pounds. I only really need to lose 10, but fuck bmi I don't care if losing more would make me underweight. I just want to be happy with myself for once. I don't want periods. I don't want all these menstrual disorders that make every form of treatment useless. I want it all to stop. I want my life back.
Damn, anon. I’m sorry to hear all of that... It sounds like you have a whole lot of difficult shit going on in your life.
It sounds like you might be able to use mental health and endocrine referrals from your doctor.  
I can’t think of what I might say to help you out, other than to say that I hope things get better for you.
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chamaelhyun · 7 years
Text
so i just finished reading stephen king’s it...
... and i have too much feelings for it i think i have to write everything down, more for myself than for anything else lmao
first and foremost, bill loves georgie so much just thinking about them makes me so fucking soft??? and georgie kissing him on his cheek that day legit brought tears to my eyes knowing what’s gonna happen to him
also, stanley did not take that fucking bath i refuse to believe it no sir
“it was easier to be brave when you were someone else” - richie tozier
eddie my dear boy why would you marry your mother smh
ben loves beverly so much okay!!!!
i feel like bill and eddie’s friendship is so underrated so let me just put it right here -- bill thinks of eddie as his only real friend prior to everything that happened that summer and eddie "would have died for bill", if bill had asked him he would have just responded: “sure, big bill.. you got a time in mind yet?”
"..richie’s mouth was like a half-tamed horse that has a way of bolting for absolutely no reason at all” uhHHH IF THIS AINT THE TRUEST THING LMAO
“maybe sometimes things didn’t just go wrong and then stop; maybe sometimes they just kept going wronger and wronger until everything was totally fucked up”
“HE HAD HATED IT WHEN RICHIE CALLED HIM EDS... BUT HE HAD SORT OF LIKED IT, TOO” OKAYYYYYYY 
eddie loves bill like a big brother or a father if this isnt the purest thing ever im crying
RICHIE LIKES PINCHING EDDIE’S CHEEKS OKAY DO NOT TOUCH ME “i hate it when you do that, richie” “ah, you love it, eds” 
i’m such a trash but richie!!! winking!!! at!!! eddie!!!
uhh richie telling eddie about his ambition when they were hanging out in eddie’s garage??? good shit right here
from eddie’s pov -- richie has an “enchanting, often exhausting charm” okay
the savage bill that usually comes out when richie is being such a little shit, i love it!! “best part of you ran down your father’s leg” kids pls lmao
UGHH I’M SUCH A REDDIE TRASH BUT RICHIE??? PINCHING EDDIE’S CHEEKS??? WHILE COOING “CUTE, CUTE, CUTE”???? sign me the fuck up
stan “i think that must have been my father” the man
“it was just richie. he could drive you bugshit.. but it was still sort of nice to have him around” oh eddie spaghetti
isn’t it adorable how whenever richie says something which eddie thinks is bullshit but he isnt really sure is bullshit, he just turns to bill for confirmation??? “is there such a thing as a sift bill” 
“you know about fucking, don’t you, eds?” uhhh richie dont corrupt my innocent little son like this??? (tho of course my son is well aware thanks to this taliendo boy?? whoever he is??)
uh ben is such a genius??? youngest architect y’all. this. my son. right here.
that time when they were caught by mr. nell building the dam and everybody -- even richie himself -- was like, “shut the fuck up richie gdi!!!” and stan was holding on to richie’s arm ready to squeeze him hard if he starts being a little shit it’s like one of my faves of them idek why it’s just so funny to me??
also, richie is such a trash for bill istg??? “..maybe just seeing bill’s eyes light up with their own excitement was enough” ???
ONE OF MY MOST FAVORITE RICHIE MOMENTS (and there’s a lot considering he’s my fave loser) -- him making bill feel better and less guilty about georgie’s death and then comforting bill, tho awkwardly, when the latter started crying 
uh idk if i maybe missed it in the book or in the movie but why is almost the entire fandom saying that his parents dont give a shit about richie?? cause i think out of all the losers, his parents are fairly regular (bill said so himself) he even gets to joke around with them?? and from richie’s pov: “he could read both of his parents like books -- well-worn and well-loved books” so im really kinda confused??
“they’ll pinch my cheeks and tell me how much i’ve grown” “that’s cause they know how cute you are, eds -- just like me. i saw what a cutie you were the first time i met you” uhh richie how many times are you gonna call eddie cute?? well i dont really blame you, my son is a reaal cutie
also!!!! bev and richie’s frienship??? hello why was it not in the movie????? cigarette buddies??? my badass babies??? 
richie: “likes bev a lot. well, he likes her, but not that way.’
also richie: *blushes and flustered when bev teased him if he was asking her out on a date*
ben not believing himself when he told richie to shut up, oh child you have all the right in the world to make him shut up lmao
bill and richie are like two of the bravest losers but after escaping the werefolf from the neibolt house they both just hugged each other and cried and oh my god my poor sons they do not deserve any of this theyre just kids ffs
uhhh beverly on the plane on the way back to derry was just a mess who couldnt stop laughing and just?? if i could smack tom rogan i would gladly do so and her father too for good measure
ben and bev and eddie just hysterically laughing is my aesthetic my kids deserve all the happiness in the world pls
ben always stands up for bev he’s so sweet?? he doesnt even care much what others say to him as long as they arent disrespecting bev and i just????
my pure innocent eddie not understanding why bev isnt allowed to have boys into the house when there inst anyone else there oh boy so precious
what’s worse than frightening stan uris? offending him, that’s right
the losers have forgotten about each other for more than twenty years but when they remembered and met up again its like nothing has changed at all????
uhh richie trying to calm eddie down but the latter just rounded on him telling him not to call him eds!!! and not to pinch his cheeks!!! cause he hates it!!! and richie recoiled and just?? my heart hurts
BEEP-BEEP RICHIE
“i wish stan was here” you and me both mikey
“she wouldve died for him” why are they all willing to die for bill oh god these kids
“he thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts”
dafuq richie is really so funny istg??? im not playing favorites with my kids here but he’s so funny?? his voices are so funny i hate him lmao
The Apocalyptic Rockfight (need i say more?????)
excuse me but richie (and bev) taking care of eddie after said rockfight
bill is like the president of the losers club and richie is his right hand man am i right or amirite
I JUST LOVE HOW THESE LOSERS KEEP SAYING THEY LOVE EACH OTHER??? they’re so vocal about it and just??? idc if they were, like, brought together by this turtle to fight it,, their friendship is one of a kind and they deserve all the best thinsg in life
“stan did not have much sense of humor, and the bit he did have was sort of peculiar” UHH I SHOULDNT BE LAUGHING THIS HARD
“i don’t call you dick, as in ‘you got any gum on ya, dick?’“ OHH EDDIE STRIKES BACK YES
uhm excuse the fuck outta me but richie called eddie “my love” do not fucking touch me
“the losers are still losing, but stanley uris is finally ahead” uhhh fuck you pennywise???
I JUST LOVE IT WHEN THE LOSERS ARE BEING KIDS AND JUST PLAYING AROUND TOGETHER HAPPILY this is how it shouldve been anyways they should all just be happy and protected 
stan catching the losers’ crazy yup
BEVERLY MARSH IS BADASS WHO DONT NEED PROTECTING JUST BECAUSE SHES A GIRL YOU TELL THEM LOSERS, HON
richie being so proud of them, of his friends?? losers or not losers?? he;s just proud that theyre all together?? im so soft
"he shouldnt be down here” - richie when he heard eddie coughing when they were in the smokehole im such a reddie trash i feel like i notice every little thing between them lol
bill is eddie’s hero it’s canon
EDDIE MY BOY STANDING UP TO HIS MOTHER YOU GO SON
uhh when the losers visited eddie in the hospital and not even richie was smiling uhh why dont you just step on my heart???
“no good friends. no bad friend. only people you want, need to be with; people who build their houses in your heart.”
"it hurts, doesn’t it?” “yeah, why, sure. it hurts.” RICHIE CRYING CAUSE OF STAN SOMEBODY HOLD ME
richie asking for eddie’s aspirator and the others doing the same before they entered the house on neibolt street
UHH EDDIE IS LIKE THE LITERAL BABY OF THE LOSERS DON’T FIGHT ME ON THIS he’s often called cute (by richie of course) and often described as fragile, vulnerable and beautiful. and also,ticklish. so yup. a baby. The Baby.
“sure i can. i was alone last time. this time i’m with my friends.” SEE AN ACTUAL BABY THAT MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS
“anyone who tries to steal your aspirator, we kill him. but we kill him slow.” oh richie just say outright that youll protect the baby itsokay son say it
“hey eddie needs help okay?” richie making sure the baby is properly assisted by the losers (ok im such a trash really, sue me)
stan,,,,, makes me so sad istg yes he’s like the weakest among the losers in some ways but he was brave enough to go with them that summer okay and that says so much about my poor baby!! “i don’t have anything” YOU HAVE YOUR FRIEMNDS SON PLS DONT HURT ME LIKE THIS
IT IS SCARED OF THESE SEVEN KIDS HA
uhh can i just say,, i love all my children,,, but no to cheating pls????
these kids are such,,, kids lmao that part where eddie wanted a lick on richie’s ice cream (i think) and richie’s like no??? germs??? sharing??? your mom wouldnt like it?? then began to eat faster and eddie’s just like, i’ll chance it. so richie reluctantly let him have a taste but snatched it away quick lmao then stan offered his to eddie
“she says henrys gone crazy” “shit you mean he used to be sane??” richie istg
baby eddie!!!!! richie’s like no eds youre not going your arm is still broken and bill’s like he has to so walk with me eddie ill keep an eye on you (and protect you and carry you on my back and)
that moment when eddie called the others fucking pussies cause he’s doing that mashed potatoes all over it and he’s got a broken arm!!!!! ahhh i love this kid so much?????
and then after when the eye is gone and richie is mimicking eddie and was like “not too shabby, eds” and eddie was all “i hate it when you call me eds” and richie just goes i know and HUGGED EDDIE and says, “but somebody has to toughen you up, eds...” I LOVE THEM SO MUCH?????
FUCKKKKKK it’s the part when my kid’s arm got cut off and my heart just hurts so fucking much????? he doesnt deseve this?? none of them does????
‘richie was weaving and tumbling toward him like a drunk at the end of a long hard night’ “--eds--” STAB ME IN THE HEART WHY DONT YOU
 “richie, don’t call me eds. you know i..i...” FUCK YOU ALL I HATE YOU ALL
uhhh lets not talk about that thing that happened so they could get out of there im still so fukcing disturbed??? 
“son, you did real good” i wouldve smacked this turtle thing or whatever had i been a loser,,, i mean???
“we gotta get him out of here” “it’s too dark, you know.. it’s too dark. eds.. he.” RICHIE MY POOR BOY MY SON MY MOST PRECIOUS SOBBING OVER HIS BELOVED
“fuck you, bitch!!!” 
ben and beverly yes its what they both deserve
“even if we forget each other, we’ll remember in our dreams”
mike went through so much,,, i mean he was the only one who stayed in derry and looked into all that happened there beginning from god knows when. he was scared as fuck when the killings started again but he put off calling the others cause he wanted to be absolutely sure it is back before he disrupts the other losers’ lives??? he wasnt envious whatsoever of the success of the other losers even though the difference between him and them is so fucking vast?? he accepted it -- that he stayed in derry for a reason and that is to call the others back to finally end it hwen it comes back. he has done all these and more. let us not sleep on him. my boy deserves all the love and recognition he deserves. 
YOU KNOW WHAT FUCKS ME UP SO MUCH IT’S NOT JUST THE DEATHS OF MY KIDS it’s the fact that after everything theyve gone through together, they forgot about each other in the end
but maybe it was better for them too. to not think about the nightmares. to not think about the lives lost. but is forgetting really better than not knowing at all?
they went thorugh so much together and in the end they’ll forget
maybe cause as richie said, “nothing lasts forever”
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rhodopsins · 7 years
Text
we’ll reach the end together
91line-centric, woohyun/sunggyu, sungyeol/myungsoo, howon/sungjong ; 5.5k
17:29 nam woohyun: sup 17:30 lee howon: lolol hi 17:30 lee sungyeol: lol u guys r so stupid 17:30 nam woohyun: says the idiot who got a 68 on korean 17:30 nam woohyun: are u even korean? 17:30 lee howon: lmaooooo nice one 17:31 lee sungyeol: omg shut up ssaem likes me 17:31 lee sungyeol: more than she likes u 17:31 lee howon: yeah well too bad 17:31 lee howon: ssaem isnt coming to high school with us next yrrr 17:31 nam woohyun: loooooooool 17:31 nam woohyun: can we come over today 17:32 lee sungyeol: idk 17:32 lee sungyeol: lemme see if my dumb brothers home 17:32 lee sungyeol: his dumb friend might be here too 17:32 lee sungyeol: oh yeah they r 17:32 lee sungyeol: :( sorry 17:33 lee howon: can we still come over 17:33 lee howon: ur house is the biggest 17:34 nam woohyun: yeah i like ur house the most 17:34 nam woohyun: pls can we come over 17:34 lee sungyeol: ughghhhhh fine 17:34 lee sungyeol: but not for long i think my bros friend is sleeping 17:34 lee sungyeol: so dont be too loud 17:35 nam woohyun: lmao ok what are u his boyfriend??? 17:35 nam woohyun: kissy kissy 17:35 lee sungyeol: ew stop theyre like babies 17:40 lee howon: lololol ok we’re here 17:40 nam woohyun: open up
20:09 woohyun: lmao howonie u DOG 20:11 sungyeol: what happened 20:11 woohyun: u wanna tell him or should i 20:11 woohyun: i saw him making out with hyojin-noona after school 20:11 sungyeol: DUDE 20:11 sungyeol: HOWWOOONNN 20:12 howon: -___- 20:12 howon: woohyun u fucking voyeur 20:12 woohyun: it’s not called voyeurism if literally everyone saw 20:13 sungyeol: do u have pics?? 20:13 sungyeol: lol 20:14 woohyun: Image sent. 20:14 woohyun: Image sent. 20:14 woohyun: Image sent. 20:15 sungyeol: oh damn 20:15 sungyeol: you went IN 20:15 sungyeol: ooooh howonie 20:15 sungyeol: oooooooooooh 20:16 howon: i hope you die 20:16 howon: i hope i die 20:16 howon: i never want to see u ever again 20:17 howon: ever 20:17 woohyun: what about hyojin-noona 20:17 woohyun: u wanna see her again? 20:17 woohyun: ;) 20:18 howon: fuck off man 20:18 howon: hate you 20:18 woohyun: ilu too
12:36 sungyeolie: omgomgomogmogmgomg 12:36 sungyeolie: woohyun come here 12:36 sungyeolie: we have juicy gossip 12:36 woohyunie: wait i cant :( im stuck in meeting 12:37 woohyunie: tell me anyway?? 12:37 sungyeolie: sigh ur such a goody two shoes 12:37 sungyeolie: howonie lost his virginity 12:37 sungyeolie: HAHAHAHAH 12:37 sungyeolie: our baby is grown up 12:37 sungyeolie: our little baby 12:38 woohyunie: omg what the FUCK 12:38 woohyunie: why do i have meeting omg 12:38 woohyunie: who was it 12:38 woohyunie: when 12:38 woohyunie: where 12:38 woohyunie: how 12:38 woohyunie: most importantly 12:38 woohyunie: WHY 12:39 sungyeolie: who knows 12:39 sungyeolie: she mustve been desperate as hell 12:39 sungyeolie: our little sweet potato 12:39 sungyeolie: goguma 12:39 sungyeolie: he lost his everything before we did 12:39 sungyeolie: we are so good 12:39 sungyeolie: waiting until marriage 12:40 woohyunie: speak for urself 12:40 woohyunie: im waiting for sunggyu-hyung to notice me 12:41 sungyeolie: lol gross 12:41 woohyunie: ur the one who wants to fuck a middle schooler 12:41 sungyeolie: omg i do NOT want to fuck a middle schooler 12:41 sungyeolie: imma sue ur ass for libel and slander and defamation 12:41 woohyunie: wow such big words sungyeol 12:41 woohyunie: now can u use them in a sentence? 12:42 sungyeolie: fuck u lol 12:55 howonie: i literally hate you all so much
15:38 goguma: uh what the fuck 15:38 goguma: change it back 15:39 sungyeolie: no u lost lol 15:39 sungyeolie: keep it for a week potato 15:41 goguma: omg the terms were just 50000 won 15:41 goguma: not this 15:41 woohyunie: wtf ur more worried about ur chat name 15:41 woohyunie: than u are about actual money???? 15:41 woohyunie: whats wrong w u 15:42 goguma: fck off 15:42 woohyunie: anyway now that i know sunggyu-hyung is experienced 15:43 sungyeolie: lmao what makes u think hes gonna like u 15:43 sungyeolie: like literally if hes fucked everyone important here 15:43 sungyeolie: why u 15:44 woohyunie: bc im smarter than him and it pisses him off 15:44 woohyunie: :3 15:44 sungyeolie: u have the strangest kinks 15:44 sungyeolie: ever 15:45 goguma: -___- 15:45 goguma: woohyun has a problem i thought we alr established this 15:46 woohyunie: nuh UH 15:46 goguma: yeah u do 15:46 woohyunie: if my problem is loving sunggyu-hyung 15:46 woohyunie: then i don’t want to not have any problems 15:47 sungyeolie: barffffffff
17:32 dead because sunggyu killed him: i did it 17:32 dead because sunggyu killed him: i asked him out 17:33 dead because sunggyu killed him: and myungsoo said yes 17:33 dead because sunggyu killed him: yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay 17:33 howonie: are u sure he just doesnt have a hearing problem 17:33 howonie: or like a comprehension problem 17:33 howonie: bc i feel like he might 17:33 howonie: to go out with someone like u 17:34 dead because sunggyu killed him: also just fyi woohyun 17:34 dead because sunggyu killed him: sunggyu didn’t even kill me 17:34 dead because sunggyu killed him: so theres no need for this name 17:34 dead because sunggyu killed him: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA 17:34 dead because sunggyu killed him: sucks to suck loser 17:35 dead because sunggyu kissed him: whatever 17:35 dead because sunggyu kissed him: im the one hes kissing sooo 17:35 dead because sunggyu kissed him: idc!!!!!! 17:35 dead because sunggyu kissed him: sunggyu-hyung is smarter 17:35 dead because sunggyu kissed him: anyway 17:35 dead because sunggyu kissed him: and cuter 17:36 dead because sunggyu killed him: omfg literally do u wanna fight 17:36 dead because sunggyu killed him: bc we will go 17:36 dead because sunggyu killed him: nam woohyun 17:36 dead because sunggyu killed him: fight me 17:37 howonie: u guys r so fucking stupid 17:37 howonie: why am i even here 17:37 howonie: ugh 17:39 dead because sunggyu killed him: bc u looooove us 17:39 dead because sunggyu kissed him: smoochy smoochy
20:18 a fucking cradle robber: is no one gonna ask me how my date went 20:18 a fucking cradle robber: bc it went amazingly 20:18 a fucking cradle robber: sungjong is so cute 20:18 a fucking cradle robber: and so nice 20:18 a fucking cradle robber: and his hands are soft 20:18 a fucking cradle robber: and his lips? 20:18 a fucking cradle robber: even softer 20:19 currently dating the cutest person ever: i didnt need to know that 20:19 currently dating the cutest person ever: about my own brother 20:19 currently dating the cutest person ever: literally disgusting 20:21 currently dating the cutest hamster ever: im not even involved 20:21 currently dating the cutest hamster ever: and thats disgusting 20:21 currently dating the cutest hamster ever: what kinda third year 20:21 currently dating the cutest hamster ever: dates first years anyway 20:22 currently dating the cutest person ever: …… 20:22 currently dating the cutest person ever: does the name 20:22 currently dating the cutest person ever: kim sunggyu 20:22 currently dating the cutest person ever: ring any bells 20:22 currently dating the cutest person ever: ?????? 20:23 currently dating the cutest hamster ever: he doesnt count 20:23 currently dating the cutest hamster ever: its PURE 20:23 currently dating the cutest hamster ever: the purest love ever 20:24 a fucking cradle robber: ewwww my god why 20:24 a fucking cradle robber: what did i ever do 20:24 a fucking cradle robber: to deserve this……. 20:25 currently dating the cutest person ever: you 20:25 currently dating the cutest person ever: robbed 20:25 currently dating the cutest person ever: my 20:25 currently dating the cutest person ever: baby 20:25 currently dating the cutest person ever: brother’s 20:25 currently dating the cutest person ever: cradle 20:25 currently dating the cutest person ever: you 20:25 currently dating the cutest person ever: deserve 20:25 currently dating the cutest person ever: to 20:25 currently dating the cutest person ever: die 20:27 a fucking cradle robber: :(
02:38 i love kim sunggyu: i am so scared lol 02:38 i love kim sunggyu: sunggyu-hyung’s housemates 02:38 i love kim sunggyu: are so scary 02:38 i love kim sunggyu: omfg 02:38 i love kim sunggyu: i swear they both want me dead 02:38 i love kim sunggyu: ahhhHH 02:38 i love kim sunggyu: if my pretty face ends up on the news 02:38 i love kim sunggyu: tell them i was a good person 02:45 i love kim myungsoo more: nah 02:45 i love kim myungsoo more: you can just rot 02:45 i love kim myungsoo more: and your reputation can rot too 02:45 i love kim myungsoo more: srsly 02:45 i love kim myungsoo more: cant believe u literally 02:45 i love kim myungsoo more: went allllllll the way 02:46 i love kim myungsoo more: to fuckin gwanak 02:46 i love kim myungsoo more: just to bone someone 02:47 i love kim sunggyu most: wait omg 02:47 i love kim sunggyu most: lol apparently 02:47 i love kim sunggyu most: he didnt even know im an alpha 02:47 i love kim sunggyu most: like 02:48 i love kim myungsoo mostest: wait what lmao?? 02:48 i love kim myungsoo mostest: how tf does that happen 02:48 i love kim sunggyu most: like i mean we fucked right 02:48 i love kim sunggyu most: oh i guess u wouldnt know 02:48 i love kim sunggyu most: our poor sweet resident virgin 02:48 i love kim sunggyu most: anyway we fucked 02:48 i love kim sunggyu most: and obv my knot popped in him 02:48 i love kim sunggyu most: and i was like oops 02:49 i love kim sunggyu most: and he was like WTF 02:49 i love kim sunggyu most: and i was like WTF? 02:49 i love kim sunggyu most: because he was like WTF 02:50 i love kim sunggyu most: and like 02:50 i love kim sunggyu most: i guess he just thought i was a beta or smth 02:50 i love kim sunggyu most: lol like u 02:50 i love kim sunggyu most: but ye lol 02:50 i love kim sunggyu most: its been cleared up 02:50 i love kim sunggyu most: and hes sleeping next to me rn 02:50 i love kim sunggyu most: so cute <3 02:52 i love kim myungsoo mostest: wow that was actually disg 02:52 i love kim myungsoo mostest: from start 02:52 i love kim myungsoo mostest: to finish 02:52 i love kim myungsoo mostest: eugh i need a shower 02:53 i love kim sunggyu mosterest: love u too 02:53 i love kim sunggyu mosterest: lmao 02:53 i love kim sunggyu mosterest: <3
22:15 namu-ssaem: omg how did it go 22:16 bora-ssaem: details plz 23:10 dooly-haksaeng: okay 23:10 dooly-haksaeng: it was 23:10 dooly-haksaeng: really 23:10 dooly-haksaeng: really really 23:10 dooly-haksaeng: really really really 23:10 dooly-haksaeng: fucking good 23:11 dooly-haksaeng: and thats all i’ll say :) 23:16 namu-ssaem: awwww omg 23:16 namu-ssaem: we r gonna get details u know 23:16 namu-ssaem: one way or another 23:16 dooly-haksaeng: lol nah 23:16 dooly-haksaeng: never 23:18 namu-ssaem: but we’re ur teachers 23:19 dooly-haksaeng: and hes my bf so no :) 23:20 namu-ssaem: wow that was 23:20 namu-ssaem: actually 23:20 namu-ssaem: inspiring 23:20 namu-ssaem: i almost shed a tear 23:20 namu-ssaem: howonie? 22:26 bora-ssaem: me too 22:26 bora-ssaem: out of how sad he is 22:26 bora-ssaem: jk it was cute 22:26 bora-ssaem: ur cute yeolah 22:26 bora-ssaem: looooooool 23:29 dooly-haksaeng: thanks tho 23:29 dooly-haksaeng: u guys rly came through 23:29 dooly-haksaeng: u helped a lot 23:29 dooly-haksaeng: thanks <3 23:30 namu-ssaem: SCREENSHOT THIS 23:30 namu-ssaem: SAVE IT FOREVER 23:30 namu-ssaem: ON EVERY PLATFORM 23:31 bora-ssaem: DONE 23:34 dooly-haksaeng: ㅗㅗ
16:24 namunamunamu: lmao sooo uh 16:24 namunamunamu: is anyone gonna talk abt 16:24 namunamunamu: the proverbial 16:24 namunamunamu: elephant in the room 16:24 namunamunamu: ??????????? 16:25 namunamunamu: lee howon 16:25 namunamunamu: i found a fuckin red tie 16:25 namunamunamu: on the dance prac room floor 16:25 namunamunamu: u and i both kno 16:25 namunamunamu: what year wears the red ones 16:26 namunamunamu: if i texted a certain 16:26 namunamunamu: idk 16:26 namunamunamu: lee sungjong 16:26 namunamunamu: would he be missing a tie?????? 16:27 namunamunamu: omfg u know hes a good catholic boy 16:27 namunamunamu: u know that right 16:27 namunamunamu: omg answer me 16:27 namunamunamu: i hate being ignored 16:30 hoyahoyahoya: omfg its just some rando first years 16:30 hoyahoyahoya: sungjong alr went on his youth field trip 16:30 hoyahoyahoya: calm ur tits 16:30 hoyahoyahoya: srsly 16:30 hoyahoyahoya: i kno hes a good catholic boy 16:30 hoyahoyahoya: :) 16:32 yeolieyeolieyeolie: … 16:32 yeolieyeolieyeolie: …….. 16:32 yeolieyeolieyeolie: ……………. 16:32 yeolieyeolieyeolie: …………………….. 16:32 yeolieyeolieyeolie: …………………………….. 16:32 yeolieyeolieyeolie: ……………………………………. 16:32 yeolieyeolieyeolie: listen up 16:33 yeolieyeolieyeolie: listen up reeeaaaaal fukin close 16:33 yeolieyeolieyeolie: if i ever hear u 16:33 yeolieyeolieyeolie: or see u 16:33 yeolieyeolieyeolie: or even feel u 16:33 yeolieyeolieyeolie: thinkin ANYTHING 16:33 yeolieyeolieyeolie: about how 16:33 yeolieyeolieyeolie: hes gonna 16:33 yeolieyeolieyeolie: be good on his knees 16:34 yeolieyeolieyeolie: as a good catholic boy 16:34 yeolieyeolieyeolie: imma rip ur balls from u so hard 16:34 yeolieyeolieyeolie: ur fucking grandpa is gonna feel it 16:34 yeolieyeolieyeolie: k? 16:36 hoyahoyahoya: i wasnt thinkin that before 16:36 hoyahoyahoya: but thx fr the image :) 16:37 yeolieyeolieyeolie: DIE OMFG
19:43 day 18 of where is sungyeol: yeol 19:43 day 18 of where is sungyeol: wanna come to movie with us? 19:43 day 18 of where is sungyeol: the four of us r havin a double date 19:43 day 18 of where is sungyeol: :)))))))) 19:45 i havent seen u guys in days: nah 19:45 i havent seen u guys in days: im good 19:45 i havent seen u guys in days: thx tho 19:45 i havent seen u guys in days: sry 19:48 sometimes we can hear his voice: wait dude 19:48 sometimes we can hear his voice: srsly whats up 19:48 sometimes we can hear his voice: u havent been coming to anything 19:48 sometimes we can hear his voice: is smth wrong? 19:48 sometimes we can hear his voice: u can tell us 19:49 i havent seen u guys in days: guys omg 19:49 i havent seen u guys in days: im srsly fine 19:49 i havent seen u guys in days: lol thx for worrying 19:49 i havent seen u guys in days: sry my job starts now 19:49 i havent seen u guys in days: gtg 19:52 sometimes we can hear his voice: wait i thought u dont work 19:52 sometimes we can hear his voice: like on weekdays 19:52 sometimes we can hear his voice: ??? 19:52 sometimes we can hear his voice: i thought this was a parttime 19:52 sometimes we can hear his voice: why r u in so often 19:52 sometimes we can hear his voice: yeolie?? 19:54 day 18 of where is sungyeol: who knows 19:54 day 18 of where is sungyeol: lol 19:54 day 18 of where is sungyeol: maybe he loves waiting tables 19:54 day 18 of where is sungyeol: ok it starts in like 6 mins lets go lol
21:45 second place: that was cute man 21:45 second place: like 21:45 second place: super cute 21:47 first place: aw thanks 21:47 first place: :) 21:48 third place: why am i third place 21:48 third place: why 21:50 second place: bc u didnt get ur bf a 200000 won camera 21:50 first place: bc ur a cradle robber 21:50 first place: oh that too 21:52 third place: :(
00:21 woohyun: sungyeol 00:21 woohyun: dude 00:21 woohyun: if you ever 00:21 woohyun: need to talk 00:21 woohyun: we’re here ok? 00:24 howon: dont keep it in 00:24 howon: just tell us whats wrong 00:24 howon: please 00:30 sungyeol: im fine u guys :) 00:30 sungyeol: rly i am 00:30 sungyeol: thx for asking 00:32 woohyun: :( 00:32 woohyun: im sorry 00:33 sungyeol: lol u dont have anything to be sorry for 00:33 sungyeol: its fine
15:23 seoul national university: omg !!!! 15:23 seoul national university: we’re all going to college!!!! 15:23 seoul national university: you guys!!!!!!!!!!! 15:23 seoul national university: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 15:25 hongik university: YAAA 15:26 sungkyunkwan university: ahahhahaha 15:26 sungkyunkwan university: yoooo 15:26 sungkyunkwan university: yeol 15:26 sungkyunkwan university: ur in hongdae 15:26 sungkyunkwan university: but dont party too much lol okk 15:27 hongik university: lol 15:27 hongik university: dw i wont
15:38 business school fucker: dude i havent talked to u guys in ages 15:38 business school fucker: miss ya 15:38 business school fucker: :( 16:02 engineering school fucker: i miss ur ugly face 16:02 engineering school fucker: but dont tell anyone 16:02 engineering school fucker: just got outta class 16:02 engineering school fucker: fuck 16:02 engineering school fucker: i hate physics 16:08 business school fucker: yeolie u alive? 16:08 business school fucker: we comin down to hongdae tonight 16:08 business school fucker: we gon party 16:08 business school fucker: its friday night 16:28 business school fucker: yeolie????? 16:32 engineering school fucker: lemme try 16:32 engineering school fucker: sungjong looks good on his knees 16:48 engineering school fucker: holy shit no response 16:52 business school fucker: shit man 16:52 business school fucker: somethings up 16:52 business school fucker: we gotta 16:52 business school fucker: stage a rescue mission
04:23 woohyun loves sunggyu: lmao i cant believe 04:23 woohyun loves sunggyu: he punched u in the face 04:23 woohyun loves sunggyu: lmaaaaoooooooo 04:23 woohyun loves sunggyu: i love it 04:36 howon loves sungjong: i cant believe he had that strength in him 04:36 howon loves sungjong: like 04:36 howon loves sungjong: physically 04:36 howon loves sungjong: AND 04:36 howon loves sungjong: mentally 04:36 howon loves sungjong: kim myungsoo u go 04:36 howon loves sungjong: u go boy 04:50 sungyeol loves myungsoo: lol fuck off 04:50 sungyeol loves myungsoo: my face rly hurts 04:50 sungyeol loves myungsoo: so much lool 04:53 woohyun loves sunggyu: at least u got ur bae back 04:53 woohyun loves sunggyu: we told u it was stupid 04:53 woohyun loves sunggyu: bc myungsoo doesnt care abt like 04:53 woohyun loves sunggyu: things like that 04:53 woohyun loves sunggyu: srsly 04:53 woohyun loves sunggyu: hes not that kinda person 04:56 howon loves sungjong: dude u shoulda told us before tho 04:56 howon loves sungjong: :( 05:00 sungyeol loves myungsoo: its fineee 05:00 sungyeol loves myungsoo: all in the past ok 05:00 sungyeol loves myungsoo: thx guys 05:00 sungyeol loves myungsoo: for being here n shit 05:00 sungyeol loves myungsoo: <3 05:03 woohyun loves sunggyu: <3 05:06 howon loves sungjong: <3
15:00 sungyeol loves myungsoo: uhhhh dude u know 15:00 sungyeol loves myungsoo: sungjongs going away 15:00 sungyeol loves myungsoo: for a semester right 15:00 sungyeol loves myungsoo: hes going abroad? 15:02 howon loves sungjong: yeah i know 15:02 howon loves sungjong: why 15:04 sungyeol loves myungsoo: ok just wondering 15:04 sungyeol loves myungsoo: dont keep ur thoughts to urself k.. 15:04 sungyeol loves myungsoo: we all know how badly that turned out 15:04 sungyeol loves myungsoo: last time lol 15:07 woohyun loves sunggyu: :( howonie 15:07 woohyun loves sunggyu: its ok u guys can still like skype sex 15:07 woohyun loves sunggyu: or whatever 15:08 sungyeol loves myungsoo: OMG DIE
14:19 what the fuck?: um nam woohyun 14:19 what the fuck?: what the fuck man 14:19 what the fuck?: dude 14:19 what the fuck?: u cant go upstaging us 14:19 what the fuck?: and proposing like that 14:19 what the fuck?: omfggggggggggggggggggggg 14:23 what the fuck woohyun: yeah seriously omfg 14:23 what the fuck woohyun: hate u so much 14:23 what the fuck woohyun: god 14:25 i won: heheheh 14:25 i won: they hate me 14:25 i won: cuz they aint me 14:25 i won: suck on it bitches 14:25 i won: im a married man 14:26 what the fuck?: ur engaged 14:26 i won: technicalities schmechnicalities 14:26 i won: one day lee sungyeol 14:26 i won: u too 14:26 i won: will understand 14:26 i won: the days of being married to a kim omega 14:27 i won: they were the best of times 14:27 i won: they were the worst of times 14:28 what the fuck?: im telling him u said that lol 14:28 i won: NO
19:30 I WON: GUESS WHO’S PREGNANT 19:34 WHAT THE FUCK?: OMFG 19:35 WHAT THE FUCK WOOHYUN: YOU DID NOT 19:36 I WON: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA 19:36 I WON: I WIN 19:36 I WON: YOU LOSE 19:36 I WON: MY BABY IS GONNA BE 19:36 I WON: THE CUTEST FUCKING BABY IN THE ENTIRE 19:36 I WON: GODDAMN 19:36 I WON: UNIVERSE 19:36 I WON: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA 19:37 WHAT THE FUCK?: i hope sunggyu-hyung kills u 19:37 I WON: dw he already tried lol 19:37 I WON: but i escaped 19:37 I WON: with my manly reflexes 19:37 I WON: hauhauhauhauhahehauhae 19:38 WHAT THE FUCK WOOHYUN: oh my god….
10:38 dooly is designing a house: hey 10:38 dooly is designing a house: do u wanna be there 10:38 dooly is designing a house: when i ask myungsoo 10:38 dooly is designing a house: to take pics 10:38 dooly is designing a house: ? 10:39 im a married man now: wait u wanna ask myungsoo 10:39 im a married man now: to take pics for you? 10:41 my boyfriend’s job hates me: no you dumbfuck 10:41 my boyfriend’s job hates me: hes going to ask 10:41 my boyfriend’s job hates me: myungsoo to MARRY HIM 10:41 my boyfriend’s job hates me: and he wants us to take pics 10:41 my boyfriend’s job hates me: omfg ur so stupid 10:42 im a married man now: ohhhhhhhh 10:42 im a married man now: why didnt u just say so
18:29 sadface: yo can one of u drive me to the airport 18:29 sadface: i have a flight to catch 18:29 sadface: to paris :) 18:31 THREE WEEKS LEFT: shit man 18:31 THREE WEEKS LEFT: i would 18:31 THREE WEEKS LEFT: but i gotta take sunggyu-hyung to the obgyn 18:31 THREE WEEKS LEFT: later 18:31 THREE WEEKS LEFT: :( 18:32 sadface: wait so late? 18:32 sadface: is everything ok 18:32 sadface: with the kids 18:33 THREE WEEKS LEFT: yah they wanna just keep him there 18:33 THREE WEEKS LEFT: for observation 18:33 THREE WEEKS LEFT: n shit 18:33 THREE WEEKS LEFT: idk 18:35 JUST MOVED IN: yo i can 18:35 JUST MOVED IN: when should i pick u up? 18:35 sadface: i knew u loved me 18:35 sadface: thx dude 18:35 sadface: like maybe in 30 mins or so? 18:37 JUST MOVED IN: k sounds gud
20:39 IM A DAD: BITCHES 20:39 IM A DAD: Image sent. 20:39 IM A DAD: COME QUICK 20:39 IM A DAD: PLSSSSSSSSSS 20:39 IM A DAD: THEYRE SO CUTE 20:41 IM AN UNCLE: DUMBFUCK 20:41 IM AN UNCLE: MYUNGSOO AND I ARE ALR HERE 20:41 IM AN UNCLE: WE’VE BEEN HERE FOREVER 20:42 IM A DAD: I KNOW BUT HOWONIE ISNT 20:42 IM A DAD: BITCH COME ON 20:42 IM A DAD: GET UR ASS HERE 20:43 IM ALSO AN UNCLE I GUESS: FUCK U MAN 20:43 IM ALSO AN UNCLE I GUESS: TRAFFIC FROM AIRPORT 20:43 IM ALSO AN UNCLE I GUESS: SO GODDAMN CLOGGED 20:43 IM ALSO AN UNCLE I GUESS: OMFG 20:43 IM ALSO AN UNCLE I GUESS: THEY HAVE NO EYES LOL 20:43 IM ALSO AN UNCLE I GUESS: HANG ON 20:44 IM ALSO AN UNCLE I GUESS: LEMME LET SUNGJONG TEXT 20:44 IM ALSO AN UNCLE I GUESS: theyre cute!!! :) 20:45 IM A DAD: THANKS SUNGJONGIE 20:45 IM A DAD: CANT FEEL MY HANDS ANYMORE 20:45 IM A DAD: BUT IT WAS WORTH IT 20:45 IM A DAD: SO FUCKIN WORTH IT
09:32 may or may not be a dad soon: so uh 09:32 may or may not be a dad soon: sungyeolie 09:32 may or may not be a dad soon: :) 09:32 may or may not be a dad soon: did your brother text u? 09:32 may or may not be a dad soon: :)? 09:34 zookeeper: uh hang on 09:34 zookeeper: wait 09:34 zookeeper: whys ur name… 09:34 zookeeper: LEE HOWON 09:34 zookeeper: ILL KILL U 09:34 zookeeper: OMFG 09:35 zookeeper: ILL RIP UR FUCKING KNOT OFF 09:35 zookeeper: I SWEAR TO GOD 09:36 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: LMAOOOOOOO 09:36 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: AYYYYYY 09:36 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: CONGRATS HOE 09:36 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: KNEW U ALWAYS HAD IT IN U 09:36 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: MY MAN 09:38 zookeeper: ill kill u so dead
01:02 daewon’s appa: :) 01:02 daewon’s appa: Image sent. 01:02 daewon’s appa: :))))))) 01:03 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: omg 01:03 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: WE’LL VISIT 01:03 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: IN THE MORNING 01:03 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: also how does sungjong 01:03 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: like 01:03 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: how does he look so damn good lol 01:05 zookeeper: bc my baby always looks good 01:05 zookeeper: :) 01:05 zookeeper: lee family genes ya kno 01:06 daewon’s appa: oh my god 01:06 daewon’s appa: get out 01:06 daewon’s appa: but ur right lol
15:38 junki’s appa: Image sent. 15:56 daewon’s appa: WAIT 15:56 daewon’s appa: WAIT WHAT THE FUCK 15:56 daewon’s appa: WAIT?????? 15:56 daewon’s appa: WHAT????????????? 15:56 daewon’s appa: THE FUCK??????????????????? 16:02 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: OMG WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS 16:02 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: WHERE THIS 16:02 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: WHERE 16:02 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: HOW 16:02 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: WHAT 16:02 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: WHEN 16:02 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: WHY 16:02 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: WHERE???? BABY 16:02 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: ITS SO FUCKING CUTE? 16:03 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: OMG WHO IS JUNKI 16:03 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: OMG IS THAT THE BABY 16:03 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKK 16:06 daewon’s appa: WAIT I SAW MYUNGSOO LITERALLY 16:06 daewon’s appa: LIKE 16:06 daewon’s appa: JUST 16:06 daewon’s appa: TWO DAYS AGO 16:06 daewon’s appa: AND HE WASNT PREGNANT 16:06 daewon’s appa: WAIT WTF?????????????? 16:07 daewon’s appa: FUCKING REPLY OMG 16:07 daewon’s appa: I SHOWED SUNGJONG 16:07 daewon’s appa: AND HES GONNA KILL ME 16:07 daewon’s appa: IF YOU DONT REPLY BACK 16:07 daewon’s appa: SO PLEASE 16:07 daewon’s appa: REPLY 16:09 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: YEAH 16:09 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: SUNGGYU IS LITERALLY 16:09 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: LIKE 16:09 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: THIS CLOSE 16:09 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: TO MURDERING ME 16:09 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: AND IM NOT EVEN RELATED TO THIS 16:09 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: OH MY GOD LEE SUNGYEOL 16:09 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: WHAT THE FUCK 16:10 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: WHAT THE FUCK???? 16:10 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: WHAT KINDA SECRETS 16:10 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: DO YOU HAVE 16:10 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: OMFG 16:10 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: OMFGGGGGG 16:10 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: REPLY BITCH 16:10 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: REPLY 16:27 daewon’s appa: open your fucking door 16:27 daewon’s appa: we aint playin 16:27 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: ill call ur property manager 16:27 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: swear to god 16:27 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: are u sleeping 16:27 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: we comin in
13:37 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: yo i heard 13:37 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: abt sungjong’s move 13:37 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: good for u guys 13:37 daewon’s appa: yeah its been a long time coming 13:37 daewon’s appa: imo 13:38 junki’s appa: :( 13:38 junki’s appa: im happy for u guys 13:38 junki’s appa: at least until things settle 13:38 junki’s appa: hopefully he stays 13:39 daewon’s appa: you know what 13:39 daewon’s appa: i really hope so too
05:23 daewon and haewon’s appa: surprise bitches 05:23 daewon and haewon’s appa: Image sent. 05:23 daewon and haewon’s appa: lmao 06:10 junki’s appa: your baby picked 06:10 junki’s appa: literally the most inconvenient time 06:10 junki’s appa: to come out 06:10 junki’s appa: like what the fuck 06:11 junki’s appa: lmao dude…… 06:11 junki’s appa: ur kids…. 06:11 junki’s appa: r less than a year apart... 06:12 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: i havent slept in four years kill me 06:12 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: congrats on baby 06:12 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: wish it didnt have ur eyebrows 06:12 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: lol jk 06:12 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: u have cute eyebrows 06:12 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: lmao 06:13 daewon and haewon’s appa: lolol die 06:13 daewon and haewon’s appa: wish ur kids didnt have ur nose 06:13 daewon and haewon’s appa: surprised their noses 06:13 daewon and haewon’s appa: didnt break sunggyus water for him 06:13 daewon and haewon’s appa: lmao 06:14 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: i am proud of my nose 06:14 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: and i believe 06:14 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: that sunggyu is too 06:15 daewon and haewon’s appa: k keep telling urself that lolol
16:20 junki and jieun’s appa: Image sent. 16:25 daewon and haewon’s appa: OMG 16:25 daewon and haewon’s appa: DUDE 16:25 daewon and haewon’s appa: WHY DO U ALWAYS DO THIS 16:25 daewon and haewon’s appa: THERES ANOTHER ONE? 16:25 daewon and haewon’s appa: OMG 16:25 daewon and haewon’s appa: JEUN 16:26 daewon and haewon’s appa: JIEUN 16:26 daewon and haewon’s appa: ITS A GIRL 16:32 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: CAN U LITERALLY 16:32 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: CAN U STOP 16:32 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: DOING SHT LIKE THIS 16:32 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: OH MY GODDDDD 16:32 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: LEE FUKING SUNGYEOL 16:32 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: WHY ARE U LIKE THIS MAN 16:32 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: FUCKING HATE U 16:35 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: SUNGGYU JUST SAW 16:35 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: AND HE WAS LIKE 16:35 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: WHY DIDNT U GIVE ME ANY GIRLS 16:35 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: AND IM LIKE 16:35 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: ???? 16:35 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: SORRY??????? 16:36 daewon and haewon’s appa: OMFG SUNGJONG LITERALLY 16:36 daewon and haewon’s appa: HE DID THE SAME THING 16:36 daewon and haewon’s appa: LOL FUCK 16:36 daewon and haewon’s appa: SUNGYEOL WYD 16:36 daewon and haewon’s appa: OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY 16:36 daewon and haewon’s appa: shes so cute :( 16:36 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: i kno she cute :( 16:36 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: good thing she looks nothing 16:36 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: like sungyeol lol 16:40 junki and jieun’s appa: thx bitches 16:40 junki and jieun’s appa: be fucking jealous 16:40 junki and jieun’s appa: Image sent. 16:41 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: :( 16:42 daewon and haewon’s appa: :(
17:31 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: can we come over today 17:32 junki and jieun’s appa: uhhhh 17:32 junki and jieun’s appa: idk 17:32 junki and jieun’s appa: maybe not now? 17:32 junki and jieun’s appa: myungsoo and kids r sleeping 17:32 junki and jieun’s appa: and i dont wanna wake them 17:33 daewon and haewon’s appa: can we come over tho 17:33 daewon and haewon’s appa: ur house is nice 17:34 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: u have the biggest house 17:34 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: since u like 17:34 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: actually have a house 17:34 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: lol 17:34 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: cmonnn 17:35 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: just for a bit 17:35 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: pls 17:36 junki and jieun’s appa: sigh ok fine later tho 17:37 daewon and haewon’s appa: omg i just realized 17:37 daewon and haewon’s appa: arent we all like 17:37 daewon and haewon’s appa: brothers in law 17:37 daewon and haewon’s appa: ??????? 17:38 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: oh SHIT 17:38 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: OMFG 17:38 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: ME AND SUNGYEOL 17:38 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: R CONNECTED 17:38 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: THRU MYUNGSOO 17:38 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: AND SUNGGYU 17:39 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: AND SUNGYEOL AND U 17:39 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: R CONNECTED 17:39 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: THROUGH SUNGJONG 17:39 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: OMG 17:40 junki and jieun’s appa: WE R ALL BROTHERS 17:41 daewon and haewon’s appa: new years money is gon be shit 17:41 daewon and haewon’s appa: like actually 17:41 daewon and haewon’s appa: rip savings 17:41 junki and jieun’s appa: remember to give my princess a lot :) 17:41 junki and jieun’s appa: :) 17:42 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: fuck u man 17:42 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: this cute tax 17:42 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: its prob unconstitutional 17:42 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: imma ask sunggyu later 17:42 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: u suk 17:43 junki and jieun’s appa: :))))))) not my fault my babies r the cutest 17:45 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: ur 10000% right 17:45 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: they arent cute bc of u 17:45 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: theyre cute bc of myungsoo 17:46 daewon and haewon’s appa: LMAO 17:46 daewon and haewon’s appa: SAVAGE 17:47 junki and jieun’s appa: i cant even argue 17:47 junki and jieun’s appa: bc ur right :( 19:02 daewon and haewon’s appa: ok lol 19:02 daewon and haewon’s appa: we’re all outside 19:03 hyunwoo and hyunsoo’s appa: open up
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i feel neutrally tired about all of this. you know, i’m not angry or sad or stressed, i’m just kind of tired of this whole routine. it’s become glaringly obvious that this man is very very spoiled and ungrateful. 
yesterday was a fine day. he took me to the farm to get a pumpkin like i asked. he bought me food and was overall really nice and in a good mood - he was focused on pei and the things he would do or need for his trip. i felt comfortable and relaxed despite not even having weed and not having much sleep. 
this morning when we woke up, we had sex and i went about my morning - made a tea, had a smoke and he had a shower. he asked his mother for the survey plans for their cottage in pei so he knew what to prepare for when he wanted to build this garage (the whole 6 month master plan’s goal). she said she would have to look. this set off a chain reaction - he went to look for a crock pot the family owned but he had never used ad couldnt find it immediately, when his mother offered cookig advice he freaked out ad then when she asked him about a few set of chores he was supposed to do, he freaked out again.
at this point i had literally spoken no words from when we had sex. i was just passively floatig throughout the house, gathering my things just to be organized. i went to look at what he was actually making and he said something like “i’m going to drive you home after this i want to do my own thing and i dont want to be around you”. to be fair, he couldve said “people” - i’m ot entirely sure what i heard but it more likely sounded like you. i simply turned around, got my bag from downstairs, got my stuff from outside and walked home. i did not even reply or say goodbye - theres not even a point. like i would get either some argument about how he said he would drive me home or a grunt goodbye; both still equally rude replies. 
but i was kind of proud of how i reacted very immediately and without hesistation. i didt think like ~what would he want or ~whats appropriate to do. i just did what i wanted to do which was leave. it wasnt like oh i think id like to sped the day alone, do you wat a ride home - it was just ‘fuck off’ without being ‘fuck off’. and i don’t deserve that. 
on top of this, during sex he asked outright if anyone else has touched me. not like ~oh no one else ca touch you or ~would you let anyone touch you - just outright ‘have you let anyone’ and its not a light thing. its not joking. if i said yes it would hurt and we’d probably stop. but the parameters he stil puts forth is that he “cant” cheat. but what about me? and why am i used like this? i literally spoke _no words_. 
its very unhealthy. and i dont believe its about me. i’m glad ive come so far in personal relationships that i am able to seperate myself from them and not take things personally.and like i do feel “used” but its not like this is the absolute worst part of it. he said to me, “you havent been around long enough - this is what i do, im excited about something until im not and then i drop everything and go to the next thing” -- as if i havet been witnessing this the entire time weve been together. its all one exciting thing to the next and nothig is ever what its hoped to be. 
and hes very negative. which i guess is a bit ironic coming from me. but everything - everything sucks. and like to its greatest pit of whatever terrible thing it could have. you know - “king of the losers”. acknowledging that “i’m” okay but its really just being on top of a pile of shit. 
its just.. its getting too hard to remain optimistic about a future with him. whatever my life is doesnt affect him nearly as much as his does me. my whole life is built around being available to him and i was okay with this becuse it was like “investing” in a future i wanted to have. or i do want to have. i want a partner. some “family”. but i just dont feel optimistic like this is going to lead to idyllic happiness. not the way he sees it. and why should i spend my time following such a volatile perso who is unable to commit to anything. i guess it was easy to walk away because i thought like - what if i was across the country? what if i coulnt just walk away from this rude person and i was _stuck_? i dont want that and i guess if i dont want that, i dont want him. i’m just... too scared to live with him. like i want to live with him. i reall really do but everything in my being says omg no. no no no no. anyone i told that this was a thing would tell me absolutely do not move across the country with this person. its not like.. dont change. dont live somewhere else. its that this particular person is very ... not the right person to do this with. maybe i need to be a ifferent person too. maybe i need to be a very strong indpendent individual who works super hard and hustles lots of cash an then its all just fun and games and wooo life. but i cannot be dependent on this person. they are not dependable in any way shape or form. they are a fucking prayer. and in order for me to make such huge changes in life i would be very dependent on this person. especially right now. maybe in two years ill be a better version of me but the me right now would need a lot of hand holding an encouragement to make such drastic life changes and decisions. 
if it was plausible to just get a nice apartment in this city together - great. thank you. not even long term, lets just exist with each other before making giant life decisions. thats a marriage. with no commitment. i cant. i just cant. 
and you know - i’m very sympathetic. i know exactly what it feels like. to have no fucking clue what you want, where to go, what to do, who to be friends with, who to have a relationship with - i get it. i’m really confused too. and this is such a shitty time - i dont know if other times have been more shitty but this seems like a pretty shitty time after society going through so many wars in the past 100 years that have grown more powerful under the advancements and like we, collectively, are different people from 50 years ago so what was “right” and “good” 50 years ago is not relevant to today and we are floating without guidance. how do we survive now? weve evolved to a different mental state and we dont know how to nourish this. its like falling into great advancements with no mental capacity to understand their affect on the social psyche. 
theyre right.  the colective “they” - your parents have little to do with your chances. their social standing and coping amongst evolution to bring them to such standing has a lot more to do with your chances but if along the line you figure out your way of coping in evolution then you may rise above or find your own level of “happiness” which is mostly fulfilling basic personal needs. but when evolution continually transitions through different ways to fulfill these basic needs or possibly gives you even more ways to do this, it becomes more difficult to realize how you will find your way to cope in evolution. milennials are realy seen as weak and a joke; like re-branded hippies but focused on mental health and emotions, “refusing” employment to ‘feel better’ in life when there was a time when people just took any job because the only way to cope within that evolution was to exhance your service for money or boarding itself. thats not the case anymore. society evolved in such a way that this generation is capable of fulfilling may basic personal needs sometimes by just existing; perhaps their parents pay for food and shelter and provide them with clothing well into their “adult” years. many older generations started working to SURVIVE at 12 - 14 years old. our generation worked because “thats what you do” or to save up for an iphone. most of our grandparents worked to buy bottles of milk or to help the family or for their own vehicle but why save for one when your parents let you drive theirs anyways?
and again - it’s not the parents fault. it’s now easy in society for parents to do this. a large majority of parents, nd the majority leads the collective society. could my parents? no. but a lot of people around me did have parents that did this and my parents cared for me in other ways. society allowed them to breed children who would become introspective because they were no longer in such dire straits for survival. and older generations are upset about this - dont you know they had to want to die regularly to survive? why shouldt we? 
so as we gain this introspective into ourselves and “new” psychological ideas come up and vast people are “diagnosed”, it becomes harder to accept things which harm our psyche. so we get a big rise in racial inequality and gay rights and things which seem “liberal” but is simply termed this way because some people - maybe a large amount even, could not refuse employment and worked to survive even in this era. that was the generational hand down - exchange your service for money or starve. and theyre not “in the wrong”. other things affect how you build your coping tools - where you live, the climate of politics etc. maybe you realy just had to do that and there wasnt time to invest in this modern evolution of introspection. you dont have time to look within when youre starving on the outside. so this resentmet and bitterness builds between these two sides which may even exist in the same generation but neither of them is wrong. should one work to survive? probably. animals hunt most of their lives. we should probably work to survive. no one can just be handed food ad shelter forever unless you’re a very unique and special person in royalty. and 99.9% of us are not. but should we also kill our psyche? animals dont deal with smart phones and insurance rates and credit scores and bankruptcy. they just go out and take what they want and our society has evolved past this. so we cannot just assume you just work to survive when survival has been complicated. it takes a higher level of thinking which wemay not fully even comprehend at this stage in the evolution. 
i think psychology is very important because we dont understand why people are people. we dont know. we know why the sky is blue but we dont know why we are people. and not just psychology but science and the belief of how our being, our physical being on this planet came to be. we collectively have not agreed despite the very obvious misgivings of current theological theories. 
how or in what way should you survive on this planet? why are we required to exist as we are in this society upon birth. like all of these rules and obligations an responsibilities of being a “good human” are placed on you for the rest of your life and all you did was be born. all you want are basic needs fulfilled but you cant even do that until you acknowledge the land you were popped out on to does not belong to you so you abide by these rules now whether you want to or not. and thats just government and law but on this deeper spectrum its an obligation to be a ‘good child’ a ‘good citizen’ - pay your taxes, go to work, have children, buy a house; these are the quest objectives. but why? i think our generation is not the first to ask why but the first in a very long long time to ask why are we doing it this way. not so much why are we here. many of us have decided for ourselves. but why are we livingin society in this particular way and what can we do to survive in a society which is not designed to really benefit anyone. its not about that homeless man geting up and feeding himself, its about taking responsibility to feed that person. animals do a better job at this and we feel we’re in evolved thinking. 
society has become very convoluted and confused which has bred confusion in its most recent generation. ive lived a very unique life and yet feel the same way abou these things as my peers because the “temperature” of the environment is the same. its hot, we all know its hot an we’re trying to figure out ways to deal whether its running through a sprinkler, going to a public pool or looking ridiculous in a kiddie pool on your front lawn. it’s gross, it’s not a good time, no one wants to do anything and we’re not feeling it. and this evolution is like climate change. there is absolutely still people capable of coping under this stress, farmers still work, lumberjack still cut wood but theyre fucking miserable and they do it because theyre used to feeling like they want to die to survive. but its getting hotter and its getting harder and even though they feel it the only thing they know is to keep working until they cant anymore then die crippled and miserable. being popped out inexperienced and then thrown into a change which even the experienced are struggling with creates a lot of unrest. a lot of anxious and depressed people. 
what do we do? what should we do? you cant change society you can only follow the ebb and flow like flock of birds or schools of fish. this is how we cope as humans, to live as a society. and if society is in upheaval it directly affects the ability to easily obtain our basic needs. 
i used to feel envious of stupid people. like atleast they didnt ~know this shit. because this felt depressing. like being stupi would be easier and id be happier but those who choose to remain ignorant or passive hurt a lot and they struggle through some of the barest traps society has created durig this shitty time and now i feel sorry for them. spinning your wheels over and over, dragging yourself through the mud, throwing away money, living extravagantly and ignorantly but going absolutely no where. not going up, down, side ways - no where. i’m there too. i’m right there too on the train stopped at the station waiting to fucking go and we’re here nd we’re buying shit from the dining car and we’re chatting and excited but we’re not goig and we’re not really sure why and we’re all talking about why we’re not going but we’re still not going but hey atleast hey still got cookies. 
no one person is driving the train either. its like a group effort where everyone on the train has to believe youre moving forward for it to start but if one jack ass thinks youre not, then its a complete halt. 
life is hard but i dont think alot of people realize exactly how hard it is. im trying to learn to appreciate the little things. people with greater minds who had better understanding and less luxuries of the era coped with appreciating little things. taking bike rides in the fall in the nice downtown streets; it’s been a highlight of the season. painting in a studio this week; sure it was not glamorous or anything but i actively went out and created art with others. my room is neat and clean and organized. i did laundry with ease on my own time for free. 
i wasnt upset i “had to” walk home. i apreciated the fall weather & buzz of halloween approaching, time to think without screens of distraction, exersize and activity, the ability to buy cat food & cat litter. im not angry about it. i’m tired of being angry about a train im not really driving. if i can never truly conceptualize what i want because of society why keep trying. why cry over spilled milk. 
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