#they're so mean all the time and in the last week I've been harassed by them multiple times

[cosmicjoke]

Just adding this on, but this isn't an attempt on my part or an encouragement to harass these people, though I'm sure everyone reading this already knows that. Just a means of letting others know who's behind at least some of the harassment lately.

Alright, well, here comes the call-out post that I promised anon. Have fun with it, I guess. It's about to get long, folks. A group of @tsuki-no-ura followers, who's been obviously vague posting about me for months at this point, specifically targeting every topic I discuss on my blog by making counterarguments to it on their blog, even though I never directed any of my analysis posts or anything else at them, nor has anything I've ever written been in direct response to anything they've written, is certainly behind at least some of the harassment. And other than the times I've tried having conversations with tsuki in the past, when I used to follow them, and wanted to discuss their posts with them, which almost always went ignored, I haven't at all addressed them or made reference to them, either implied or specifically, in any of my analysis posts. I only made reference to them a few weeks back when I found out that they'd essentially said my defense of Levi's violence was tantamount to Nazism, which I wasn't going to let stand. That's the only time I've ever directly referenced them. And yet, every time I make an analysis post, a counterargument to it magically appears on their blog the same day or a few days later, something that was brought to my attention by a mutual of mine. I had no idea until a couple weeks ago that this was happening, because I stopped following them more than a year ago, and only just recently blocked them. But they're obviously stalking me. And, inevitably, every time they do this, a slew of anon hate messages get sent, both to me and various other blogs that I follow, or that follow me. This isn't a coincidence:

@clearavenuelover, @66honeybadgers, and I'm sure various other of their groupies, are the ones almost assuredly largely behind the anonymous attacks on Levi blogs over the last, several months. They start out with their passive-aggressive bullshit, and eventually, of course, it turns to outright hostility, because that's just who these people are. @clearavenuelover purposefully tagged me in one of tsuki's posts, and so obviously they're aware of their followers harassing other Levi fan blogs. This is the link to the post they tagged me and other Levi fan blogs in: https://www.tumblr.com/tsuki-no-ura/739123803956854784/okay-so-here-i-come-with-my-discourse-causing

And yet more evidence that these people all congregate in the same circles and circle-jerk each other over how they think they're "winning" some non-existent contest against me and other Levi fan blogs.

And look who liked this answer as soon as it was put up:

And here @66honeybadgers is again, name-dropping tsuki-no-ura while they continue to harass me:

And this is clearly the same douche-bag that asked me a few weeks back if I considered myself a "Levi expert", and has now, over the last two days, continued to harass me for daring to express my opinion about Levi on my own blog, dropping the "friendly" act and showing their outright hostility:

This is clear harassment from a very specific corner of the fandom, mainly, surprise, surprise, eruri shippers, or even just Erwin stans who want to make everything about him, and get angry at anyone who dares to express any different view from the ones they hold, to the point of actively seeking out and stalking our blogs, hate reading our posts, going into our inboxs and sending us anonymous hate messages, trying to cram their opinions down our throats and then getting upset when we don't listen or accept their views. And then they want to go around acting like they're all the victims. What a joke these people are. Anyway, I just thought I should make this post so that actual Levi fan blogs can know to avoid and block these assholes. I can't say if they're behind ALL of the harassment, but they're certainly behind some of it, and it's good to expose them because they're cowards, and once they've been exposed, they won't have the fucking balls to continue.

#call out post #harassment #anon hate #anon asks #you asked for it #so now you're gonna get it #have fun with your new-found fame #anon discourse #discourse #anon harassment #fandom discourse

[azrielgreen]

The Way It Shouldn't Be - Final Part

They're playing a song Eddie would hate and everyone's paired up and pretending like they got ANY of Tommy's liquor, dancing wildly and laughing loud but not loud enough to drown out the song Eddie would hate.

Steve's on the fringes, watching.

Has his own alcohol, got a never ending supply from his Dad's office. He thinks of the massive blowout party he and Tommy and the boys always planned for. Post Prom Insanity: partying for two maybe three days and then taking a roadtrip together, see other places, go on adventures.

Tommy's engaged to Carol, who's pregnant and no one's meant to know but of course everyone does. He's gonna work for his Dad, the thing he always said he never wanted to do. Everyone else, Steve wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire so yeah, no party.

No road trip.

No Eddie.

But Steve's there; hired the tux and everything, so why fuckin' not?

He drinks and imagines fucking Eddie somewhere on campus, the music playing while they kiss. He imagines a lot of shit that's not ever gonna happen because good things don't last.

They're not made to last.

It's not the way things are.

Whatever.

Stupid Enola Gay comes on and Steve tries not get all caught up in the melody, the way the minor keys fuck him up.

Eddie's not coming.

He knows because he swung by Eddie's trailer earlier, met Wayne.

The older man was kind, but really clear when he said Eddie was staying with friends for a few days.

Steve is sulking.

Kind of spoiling for a fight.

First dick he sees harassing a girl is gonna eat it, simple as that.

God, he feels like a chaperone.

Like he's a thousand years old.

Cannot wait to get home, cry and jerk off before he falls asleep. Wonderful plans. Stellar.

'Fuck you,' he mutters, takes another slug. Enola Gay always moves him.

He gives up when the song ends, what's the literal point of staying when the best song is already gone.

He's sulky, moody and still heartbroken.

Still in love.

It's not how it should be.

He knows that.

But it's how it fucking is.

He's leaving, he decides.

He feels ruthlessly good about it when someone grabs his hand and yanks him with knowing roughness.

'Dumping out, Harrington?'

He whirls, blinks.

Is a little drunk but like... not enough for this.

'Eddie?'

He looks...

Oh my god he's kind of dressed up.

For Eddie, he's dressed up, meaning he looks way more Devil Worshipper than usual. Hair all roughed up and wavy, eyeliner, all black, laced untied and that godforsaken Dio cut off he adores.

He's got a silver earring in; a dangly rose. It's undoubtedly something a girl would wear, all sparkly.

'Oh my god,' Steve mutters, dazed.

Then he shakes himself and smacks Eddie around the face.

'OK, ow.'

'You fucker! You don't call me for weeks and now you just rock up here, looking stupidly hot--'

'Aww thanks, babe.'

'--like no time has passed and nothing happened!'

Eddie sighs, glances around.

'People are staring.'

'I don't care!'

'You're drunk!'

'Well, you're an idiot!'

'Well, I love you.'

'Well, I love YOU-wait, no. What?'

Eddie rolls his eyes, pulls Steve close.

'I want us too.' Then he lets out a shaky sigh, strokes Steve's face. 'Christ, everyone is literally staring but i--'

Steve kisses him.

The world jumps the tracks.

The song skips.

Nothing will ever be the same.

It's the best fucking kiss of his life.

'I wanna fuck you.'

'Right here?' Eddie's kissing him back, its delightful, fucking gorgeius. 'Man, you really are a kinky fucker, but I've actually for a surprise for you?'

'You're not gonna sing to me, right?'

'Have a little faith in me, Harrington.'

'Does it get us the fuck out of here?'

Eddie grins, grabs his hand again.

*

'So, what do you think?'

Steve can't think. His brain is all mushy.

'Um.'

'You don't like it.'

'Eddie,' he says with soft astonishment. 'You didn't have to do this.'

The van is big, spacious. Steve's been in it before when it was not spacious, at all. Eddie has cleared the back completely but more than that, he's got supplies inside. Bedrolls, pillows, knives (of course) as well as cases of bottled water, canned good, tools, a compass and a map.

'I heard good things about Chicago.'

'From who?'

'A lady trying to sell me tickets to Chicago, but look.' Eddie sighs, wraps his arms around Steve's middle from behind. 'I just wanna try. I wanna be with you and not be scared to lose out. I can't run, don't wanna do that.' He kisses his neck. 'I'm in if you are.'

'We could go anywhere?'

'Anywhere.'

'What if you hate me after a week?'

'That's why god invented hatefucking.'

'What if we get lost?'

Eddie's lips are warm against his skin. 'Sounds fun.'

'What if--?'

'Gonna save you some time, Harrington, there's a million reasons not to do something, OK? We don't have to, but I saw the maps on your wall. I know you want to blast outta this town and so do I. I love you, Steve. I'm being brave. You wanna be brave too?'

Steve leans his head back, looks up at the stars. He can hear the music from inside, muffled but still undeniable. Eddie's all around him, they're swaying a little.

He closes his eyes, smiles.

'Dance with me first?'

~ the end.

💕💕💕

#thewayitshouldn'tbe #the way it shouldn't be #oonionchiver #steddie #steddie fic #fanfiction #my writing #spilled thoughts #askaz #onionchiver

[hoodharlow]

Que Asterik

AN: I was taking a break but then I saw @jacksmoviestar post and had to make an Insta AU. Tyyy for letting me use your idea <3 I had this queued but redid it bc Jackman had the audacity to go to the Givenchy mens fashion show

Requested? No

Warnings: none general fluff

Word Count:

@'mdmupdates: Miriam Instagram Stories (June 19)

@'jackfan: lol his team learnt their lesson and flew out to be there the day before

@'miriamstan: she did my man dirty with those captions 😭

-> @'mackshipper: well he is nosy remember the Drake video from Turks and Caicos lol

@'mackshipper: I love that she can be unserious with him. They bring thst out of each other

@'mdmxjhupdates: 😭

View all 2343 comments

•••

@'mackupdates: Jack and Miriam out in Cannes

@'mdmxjh: not them color coordinating 😭😭😭

@'antimack: honestly, all she does is follow Jack around

->@'miriamxjack: they haven't been together since their double date with Zendaya and Tom Holland in Oakland. she was promoting her new movie the last few weeks while Jack was in Louisville and Boston.

@'mdmclosets: not Miriam wearing Jack's pants

-> jackfan: where are they from?

->@'mdmclosets: they're ones he wore on his Boston concert back in October

View all 2,975 comments

•••

@'mdm: eso eso que asterik, que asterik

@'jackharlow: okay bisexuality

-> @'mdm: do you mean duality 💀

->@'memepage: every queer girl needs her hetero himbo

@'josephdominguez: since when can you swim

->@'Taylorrooks: we were on the shallow end

->@'mdm: don't expose me like that

@'theestallion: I mean c'mon

@'zendaya: stunning 😍

@'haileybieber: what a cutie

@'mdmxjhupdates: how can she be adorable and hot at the same time 😫

View all 36,782 comments

•••

@jackharlowsource: Jack and Miriam leaving a restaurant in Cannes

@'jackstan: oh he looks pissed

->@'miriamstan: the pap that tried to sue Miriam for assault when she was there and kept harassing Miriam

->@'Twitterstan: huh?!?!

->@'miriamstan: check her Wikipedia, there's a whole section on it. Apparently the guy grabbed her as a joke at a fashion show and she kicked him in the nuts

@'mackshipper: Miriam pulling him like a wattpad girlfriend 😭

@'miramismother: why he kinda 🥵 when he's telling off the pap

View all 382 comments

•••

Jack via Instagram Stories

•••

Miriam via Instagram Stories

•••

@'mackupdates: Jack and Miriam at the Givenchy show

@'mdmclosets: I just know Miriam styled him 😫

@'mackaremyparents: they finally went to a fashion show, I've been waiting for this since forever

@'miriamfan: they both look so effortlessly good

@'jackxmiriam: Miriam did THAT

@'antimack: it's not that hard to pick clothes, idk why y'all are praising Miriam 🙄

->@'mdmxjh: babe it is, why do you think @'hautelemode would make fun of Jack when his old stylist dressed him. Miriam has videos and written articles on this, don't come for her when you obviously don't know

View all 4,882 comments

Taglist: @heavyhitterheaux @cherry4everrr ​ @carma-fanficaddict ​ @youngharleezy @youngharleezyxo ​ @babyharleezy ​ @that-90s-girllll ​ @alinaharlow @harlowcomehome @nattinatalia @webinurcloset @gassyandsassy1 @jackharloww @awhore4moree @noescapricho-essentimiento @a-moment-captured @neon-lights-and-glitter @purecinnamonextract @whywontyoulovemecami @camificrecs

#jack harlow #jack harlow insta au #jack harlow instagram au #jack and miriam

[blood-teeth]

TMITAWH is 2 years old????!!!!

i cant believe i missed it that sounds so ridiculous to me! in my defense, i was driving for two weeks straight

i don't have anything planned for celebration; i'm so sorry! but i do have some updates!

for those that missed it, tmitawh is now a novel and will no longer be told in an interactive fiction format. this has upset a lot of people. i've lost a lot of followers over this announcement. and i can understand this to some extent, but largely i have to continue to be unapologetic about my choices.

this story is one that has, in every meaning of the phrase, saved my life. writing in this little world has gotten me through some of the darkest times and carried me through to the next day. at some point, IF stopped being a media that was capable of telling the story i wanted to tell.

i'm disheartened by a lot of the anons i've received. some are hateful and unkind. others are upset that they no longer will have the opportunity to pursue Cain or Ezio, and a few mention that they're not interested in reading a lesbian story and will not be reading the book if it ever makes it to publication. i've disregarded the first, but the second cuts the deepest i think.

i have never, ever been shy on this app that i'm a lesbian. i feel as though i've talked endlessly about it. being a lesbian is a huge facet of my identity and being told that, in so many words, a story written for myself, with other queer people in mind, is not for them seems like such a stupid thing to say. like, i didnt write it for you. i wrote it for me. i wrote it for the lesbians who love so violently that they have to hide it away under their clothes, in between their teeth. i wrote it for the lesbians who have been told their love is disgusting, or wrong, or sexy and for a male's pleasure only. i wrote it for the lesbians who are told their love is okay as long as they never show it- as long as they only hold hands at most but never kiss in public. i wrote it for the lesbian who sits in pews and breathes over their hands and wonders if God loves them still.

i'm not sorry to not have written a story catered for you when the whole world is for you. leave me out of your self-absorbed, hateful little orbit.

please know, this blog does not tolerate hatred, bigotry, or harassment in any shape or form. and if you're going to fuck around with me, you sure as hell are going to find out with me.

on a more positive note!

i want to thank you all who have been overwhelmingly positive and supportive of my endeavors!! it means the absolute world to me!! i sometimes hold myself at night and think of all the kind words y'all have sent over these past two years and just sob. never in my life before this could i have imagined sharing my work with people who give a shit and care. it warms me in ways i cannot begin to describe. i love you and i hope you are well as always. my inbox/dms are open ANYTIME if you just want to chat, catch up, rant to me, or tell me about your pet. actually, please tell me about your pet.

Some quick publishing updates:

I'm 20k words out of 90k into draft 2. and i think this is going to be the last draft before i query (?????) i'm really very happy with the muscles and bones of the manuscript. now it's just some meticulous line editing i have to work through.

after this, i'm off to the query trenches. (im scared) if anybody has gone through this process before and has any tips, i'd love to hear them!

here's a little excerpt:

"She grabs hard enough to make sure of her presence, not enough to bruise. Some sick part of the Traveler’s brain says, Yes. Please. More. Press deeper. Press harder. Bruise me. Hurt me. She delights in the heat that blossoms from where the Reverie digs her fingers into skin. Eyes earnest, stubborn disposition to her jaw as the thick muscle there flickers in an implication of anger. “I will find you,” she’s shaping her tongue into a dagger at the Traveler’s throat. “I will find you again, and that is a promise.” The Traveler gasps, tilting her head higher. She blinks and— The Reverie’s mouth is on hers, hot and aching, and the Traveler blinks— Want flavors the Traveler’s tongue, the Reverie’s hands pressed tightly against her collarbone, teeth at her jaw. She blinks and— Is this Before or After?"

i also, stupidly, have officially started a twitter that i want to start working with. i know twitter is dead, but it remains to be very useful for publishing. if you'd like to follow me, im there on @ morganhollow25. i dont know how to use it. im scared to use it. but if you have a twitter maybe follow me there too! i absolutely plan to be on tumblr primarily. i love it here and have grown a tiny home in these webs.

i'll have more updates coming soon regarding FTMTB and other works. thank you all again <3

#long post #long update #update #tmitawh #tell me if there's a way home #this was a lot more lecture-y than i meant it to be #but i dont think i said anything unnecesary #writeblr

[kerrikins]

It's hard for me to tell at the moment whether I can't see anything in the Build tag because of the massive amounts of spam or if it's just that people aren't saying anything, but I guess that is neither here nor there, other than that if nobody is saying anything after the last week it leaves me a bit ??

I last posted about this whole topic back in July - if I remember it was right at the start of the July 17th leaks, though at this point I'll admit that it's all become a bit of a blur. We've had what, now, five leaks since May? Yeah.

I've thought a lot about whether or not to post again since then. I had a friend visiting from out of the country at the time, and between that and the insanity that is my workplace at the moment, I quite frankly did not have the time or the brain space to actually work through my thoughts and put them down on paper, so to speak. When I did have some more time things had quieted down again, and I thought - well, no use dredging it up again, since I'd already laid out a lot of my thoughts here and then on twitter, too. There was also the unspoken fact that I didn't know whether or not there would be another leak, of course.

So here we are a month later coming off of another round, and after the last week I feel the need to finally get some things off my chest.

First of all, I've done some poking around and I'm disappointed but unsurprised to see that as usual, there is very little discussion outside of pro-Build spaces about how disturbing and obsessive all this is. The campaign of hate, bullying, harassment, coercion and blackmail continues and by and large people are happy to participate in it because apparently those things become okay when they are dealing with someone they view as a bad person as long as they pay lip service to 'well they're both bad people', which does not even come close to being an actual criticism of what she's doing. As always, there's also little discussion of the clear fact that she obviously doesn't care who she hurts during this process, even if it's the faves of the same fans participating in the hate campaign.

None of this aligns with my moral code. It never will. I think it's disgusting and I think that the people participating in it should be ashamed of themselves, though I know that they never will be.

I've gone into detail on all of this before, however, so I don't see the point in going into it again. I will simply state that yes, I do still believe in second chances and opportunities for redemption for anyone, regardless of what they have done. So I will always say that people should give Build the chance to try and be a better person, and that they shouldn't try to dictate to others whether or not they support him.

However (you knew that was coming, right?) - what's in those messages doesn't align with my moral code either. And yeah, I do feel like I need to say it, partly because I feel like the bubble/byl fandom at large is being a bit too dismissive of it.

I get it. I laid out up above why I think what is being done to Build is wrong. I haven't changed my mind on that. People feel so strongly that what is being done to him is wrong that it makes them extremely defensive of him.

But this situation isn't black and white and never has been, and multiple things can be true.

Example A: Some people who hate Build are guilty of behaving extremely badly and contributing to the harassment and bullying and blackmail.

On the flip side: some people who support him are guilty of hating on the other cast members in spite of the fact that there's no evidence of them doing anything. Some are also guilty of willfully turning a blind eye to the fact that he has admitted the messages are his and has apologized for them - which means that as of today the current evidence we have says that they are his, they're not fake, and he is taking responsibility for them.

Example B: His ex is clearly mentally unwell, a narcissist who is obsessed with revenge and is conducting a hate campaign to turpedo his life and career while benefiting her own.

On the flip side: it seems clear that Build is guilty of awful behaviour, of saying horrible things about people who were seemingly nothing but kind to him, of being homophobic, racist and sexist. (I'm not going to touch on the abuse allegations here because I've discussed those previously.)

Again: yes, I do think he should be given the chance to start over and redeem himself and I like to think he's capable of it, but fans really should be acknowledging what he's redeeming himself FROM.

From what I've witnessed in a lot of spaces - that's not happening. I've seen a lot of denial, I've seen a lot of handwaving and glossing over the situation. I've seen some insane claims, too. Some fans are going so far as to say that they think that his show was never going to happen, that the messages are all doctored and this is all a plot between the company, his ex and his former co-stars. (Which is just - ??? I don't even know where to start.)

Some are simply refusing to read the messages (how can a person defend him if they don't know what they're defending? I don't quite understand) while others simultaneously claim that the translations out there are misleading - but refuse to share 'acceptable' translations because that's privacy invasion. Again - ???

It's insane and downright exhausting and I am just... done. I speak up for what I think is right and call out what I think is wrong, and I while I think the handling of this is horrendous and has been from the start, I also think it's wrong to minimize and downplay what he's done. In his apology he's holding himself accountable for what he did, why won't some of his fandom? How can people argue for him to get a second chance if they won't even admit what he did that he needs a second chance for? Technically this is a third chance, I might add, because some of those messages are from after his scandal last summer.

I want to reiterate here that I don't hate Build. It seems like so often any criticism of his behaviour at all means that suddenly you're an anti or that you hate him or you're against him. I'm not going to suddenly go on diatribes about how he's a horrible person. I think it's likely that there's a lot more going on here than what meets the eye, particularly since there are people who are still well liked by most of the fandom who have stood by him until July (a certain picture that was posted with a filter comes to mind, as does someone who liked every single one of his posts since his return until they were mentioned in one of the leaked messages).

What I mean here is simply this: I don't think Build is a cartoon villain, I think he's a whole person capable of a variety of things, both good and bad.

I also want to make it clear here that I'm not here to hate on people in the fandom. I mean - glass house, stones, all that. But also I think we've had enough of that. This fandom is one of the most polarized I've ever been in and the vitriol is off the charts, I'm not going to contribute to it.

I guess my hope is just that people will think about why and how they're choosing to come to his defense, if for no other reason than the fact that in my opinon and experience, the more extreme fan claims are making it worse for him, not better. I've said this on twitter and I'll say it here - when people are confronted with attempts to downplay things, it makes them more intent on proving the opposite. If you acknowledge them then you change the footing and the conversation can move on to other things.

As I said, this is a complex situation. It's okay to acknowledge that. Things don't have to be black and white. A lot of fans are in echo chambers right now on both sides of the aisle.

Anyway. I truly hope that this will be the last post that I ever have to make on this subject. For now, at least, I've said my piece and addressed what I need to in order to feel comfortable and not just like I'm avoiding talking about the topic.

In the meantime I've turned my attention to Bible and the rest of the cast because I always have and continue to adore them and I feel like I've neglected them over the last six months (as much as a fan can neglect celebrities, of course). For all my issues with the company, I've always loved the cast.

I'm more active on Twitter than here, but I do go back and forth between the two sites.

Take care. 💗

#build jakapan

[creaturefeaster]

new day new morning post

Currently 06:55 PST as I begin this post.

Does anyone else listen to The Cure? They're touring this year overseas, the last time they did was 8 years ago. I'm going in June to see them live, and I'm very excited. When buying tickets with my husband, I remarked that a The Cure concert is probably one of the only places I could be where people wouldn't stare at me (my fashion is what I'd call dark and loud)-- something I found funny.

On top of this, I was asked if I wanted to get a tattoo for my birthday. I have been considering a tattoo for a while now, though I've been on the fence because the idea of putting something permanent on my body is a hard hurdle to get over in my brain. Or moreso, I'd just want to make sure it isn't something I would regret down the line. I'm considering imagery of things I've always loved; Cow skulls, roses & thorns, eyes, a few things that cross my mind that are also pretty safe and hard to get wrong on a tattoo.

Maybe I'll find someone to help design a tattoo for me. That'd be fun. But also perhaps difficult when there's only a couple of weeks left until my birthday. Much to think about.

Speaking of much to think about, I succumbed to one of my usual dreams of dire last night. I have always been a nightmare dreamer, usually about zombie invasions, or an indescribable entity that kills the population in swathes. Tonight though, it was a dream about someone who was considered to be so perfect (for reasons I don't know. the guy was kind of a dick imo), that there was a mad chase to both capture this guy, and also keep him safe from harm.

My dream ended sort of abruptly near the end. I don't remember much about the details of the dream, other than that it was a lot of sneaking around in the dark. One of the ending scenes though was someone attacking this 'perfect guy,' completely severing his hand and pulling his arm so harshly you could see it hanging from the ligaments that attached it to his shoulder.

People in my group, that I was apparently in, flipped the fuck out and decided the only way to balance justice in this situation was to axe the attacker right in the forehead. The gore was excessive!

I'm not sure why this dream was so brutal and graphic. But I have awoken quickly because of it, meaning I can start my day early and more awake. I'll take it.

...

RE: To follow up with my little grumbles in my last morning post, nobody is harassing me. That hasn't happened in years. It's moreso an influx of people either messaging me and begging me to come back, or people messaging me asking if they can have my ask blogs. Both insensitive considering that I feel I've been pretty clear on my stances with the blog & fandom. But also everyone gives the fandom too much credit for making me pull away from the show. One of the biggest things for me was some of the more recent stuff they had in the show that made me feel so sickened, I just couldn't enjoy it anymore.

I've considered recently just unfollowing people who post about the show on the regular, or even blocking some, because tumblr reallllly likes to recommend me blogs just loaded with SP content still, and it's starting to get on my nerves. That, and the more I think on what happened in the show, the more it makes me uncomfortable to be around people who just pretend it never happened/ignore it.

...

Anyways, this is more than I wanted to say on the subject already. I'm over it for now.

P.S. By the way, I loved reading from you guys how you've all been doing. Some left replies, some sent me asks, some DMed. It's nice to know what people around me have going on :3.

Here's this morning's question: What's the latest dream you can remember having?

#yknow spacehey was going to be the place for these rambles #and i love that site still don't get me wrong #but i ran into some issues that make it hard for me to use #so i guess for now until i figure that all out #i continue to ramble here

[katyspersonal]

I really need a mental health break from social media, sorry.

I just can't recover from what happened this summer. Like.. sure, Percy-nal Offence finally slipping and sending their harassment mail off anon let me sigh with relief at last, but not only it was a bit too late to heal the damage from being stalked and harassed that much, but also it was soured by a person that backstabbed me and my friends earlier (I just call her A here) coming to me right after, to lie that she never doubted that anon was them (when she literally chose to throw me away all because she defended Percy and I blew up over it) and worse yet, victim blame me for being angry at her betrayal. Could not be happy that the truth finally came up when I had to hear "well yeah I threw you to the wolves but you are really mean still being salty about it :/". ...and, then, in August, someone else betrayed me, with empty promises. Yes, the guy that crawled to me begging to live together and claiming his life was nothing without me, but then changed his opinion 10 days later and ditched me like dead weight that "wasted his time", although I've been there for him through his worst and lowest and tolerated his BPD abuse, when his current friends that are oh so much better than me are only there for him when he is stable and happy.

Normally I am able to cope and distract myself and just.. bear with it. Like A is pretty much thriving and very active on Tumblr, so most of the time I have to see her somewhat and it is fine, but recently something seriously opened the wound again. And with the guy, TOO many things remind me of him, and yesterday something reminded me of his broken promise again and I just.. I just can't. I broke into a sobbing, helpless mess completely.

The problem is, my mom left in another town (really has to do some stuff there). For like, a week... I am feeling at my lowest, and for at least a week there won't be anyone to control me if I want to do something bad. I don't have any help right now. I have no more irl friends left since everyone left the city/country and the last one ditched me when she found a boyfriend. I can't seek a therapist in my sorry financial state, I can't count on my online friends since our timezones are very different and they're either too busy with work/school or have their own problems to deal with. Like... I am scared. I am very unstable and no one will help me for at least one week. The only choice I have left is to remove myself from everything that could remind me of either of those two people, or otherwise destabilize me.. And that means avoiding first of all, this fandom, especially on Tumblr, until mom is back or better yet, until I am stable again

Just, don't worry about me, okay? I've done urgent removal of myself from social media before, and it often helps to stabilize emotionally. It is just all a very, very bad timing, and I am constantly exposed to things that provoke bad memories and make me spiral, and there is no way to do anything but to let the time make me not care anymore. But I can't ALWAYS be strong and distracted with memes and fun things that make me happy. I've just cracked, but I can't afford trusting myself with social media at this time. I'll come back later, okay? Okay

#/vent #personal #/suicide mention #mental health #depression

[galaxietm]

so mini updates on my situation under a read more!

mini updates aside- i'm going to be easing back into activity here, because hopefully, this means i'll start having energy to be online / write more (because, hoo boy, all that's been going on has been taking it out of me BIG time!) thanks for being patient ya'll! i miss being here and writing with you guys, but alas, life got chaotic for a while there /sobs i've been looking at some muses that i wanna pick up- partially as a form of comfort during all that's happened, but also because yeah, i'm trash and i love them lol

- we're waiting to hear back from my lawyer w/taking one of the roommates being evicted to court because he's being an ass / refusing to leave. either me or my mother are going to call the lawyer tomorrow since he's not open on the weekends. hopefully he filed that paperwork because i'm tired of waiting / of not being able to relax in my living room because of the roommates being evicted. (watch, he gets served with his paperwork and they get salty yet again that they're being kicked out and try to cause more bs lol because hooo boy, i do NOT want a repeat of the week before this last one because of them) - the roommate who was harassing me through messenger just up and left a week and a half ago, came back for some of her things when i was at work a few days ago but she's gone and thank goodness - i'm waiting to see if the other 2 who were evicted are going to be just as bad with moving out, but they have until the end of this month to be out, so unless they've completely stopped packing / start unpacking their stuff, we don't have much to worry about - however, i'm irritated because they're causing certain things with this house to deteriorate and?? dude i'm just so done and want them gone lmao - my mom's got a theory that one of the main people causing issues since they got kicked out is jealous, because i'm the one the landlord wants to rent to, because i have a job and coworkers who support me (as well as a department manager that's been giving me more hours) and because i'm happy being by myself / because i'm content being single, while she's said to me before she doesn't know how to be by herself / doesn't want to be lonely, while i'm okay with being by myself-- and honestly?? i can see it. i'm just so tired and the sooner they're gone, the sooner i don't have to worry about dealing with them. -- so fingers crossed they'll be out soon!

#;; ‘the nerd speaketh’ ( ooc tag.) #tbd later // #// i may start going through and deleting ooc posts on what's been going on soonish #// i've been trying not to post too much on here because i don't wanna? drag ya'll down #// bc the fact that i'm having to deal with this is so dumb #// but oh well- the sooner they're moved out; the sooner i can work on getting peace / quiet in my home again

[witherburn-news-transcripts]

Episode 6: The After Party

-This episode of Witherburn After School News contains depictions of harassment. Viewer discretion is advised.

Hello Witherburn!

I'll be honest. Its been a good week in our little town. There's still news so don't worry, but nothing too dramatic which I feel like this town needed. I mean, I feel like we haven't had a week like this in months. With all the havoc that's been happening recently, it's just nice to have a little breather. You know?

Anyways on the agenda today is the Clark family and the land they're buying at the base of the mountain, the rumors about Ivy Groter, and the local celebrity that's coming back to town.

All that and more coming up on-

[phone pings repetitively]

Well shit...

Sorry about that, listeners, but the sophomore group chat just started blowing up with information about Scarlett's Homecoming party.

Now this is a developing story so take what I'm about to say with a grain of salt, but apparently there is evidence of Amelia being harassed by Hunter. I'm reading that there is a video somewhere and people were saying that Hunter was acting weird that night. To be fair, when is he not? We will obviously get back to this and report when we know more, but for now let's get on with our first story.

Notable figure Collin Portman has decided to return to Witherburn. Colin Portman of FBI Seattle fame is coming back to town to help take care of his elderly mother. How sweet.

Now a lot of the younger people of Witherburn don't realize that Collin Portman is a Witherburn native. He left for Hollywood nearly twenty years ago and tries to keep his visits back to town very hush-hush. He says that Witherburn will always be his fave place and he tries not to ruin it with paparazzi.

Collin Portman says that while he is here, he is going to open an acting studio in towns square. He's also donating enough money to renovate the park, which desperately needs it.

His reasoning is that he just wants to give back to the town that raised him. Though to be honest, listeners? I don't know if I believe him. Maybe I just have a mistrust of rich white men, but every interview I've seen from him just seems.. disingenuous. Also his mother talks about him and she's one of the Newberry porch sitters. In fact I talked to Mrs. Portman earlier this week and she seemed in perfect health, able to take care of herself. Then when I asked about her son coming back, she said that he just needed a bit of support right now. I didn't ask anymore questions, because despite what my critics say, I'm not here to expose someone going through a rough time. I'm just here to point out that this situation is strange.

It doesn't matter what I think though. I hope Collin Portman has a nice stay in Witherburn.

It's time for monster of the week, brought to you by Mr. Pickler. This week Mr. Pickler was apparently hunting in the woods when he saw something darting behind the trees. According to him, he also felt like he was being watched his entire hunting trip. He also swore he could hear rustling in the branches but when he turned around, there was nothing there. It wasn't until the last day of his hunting trip that he saw it: a towering dark figure that had arms as thin as twigs. He looked like he was made of only skin and bones. He had claws that were long and sharp as knives. His eyes were sunken and shrunk. Then.. Actually I'll let Mr. Pickler tell you the rest.

"Right when I went to look at it, it was gone. I immediately knew what it was and what I had to do. I downed my whole flask and that thing didn't come 'round me no more."

Now this was an interesting creature, listeners. I believe that the creature Mr. Pickler believes he saw was the Hidebehind and warning, don't listen to this if you ever want to go into the woods again. The Hidebehind legend was started by woodsmen of America, specifically the West Coast loggers of the 1800's. The creature, true to its name, was known to hide behind the trees and stalk its victims. It was credited with many disappearances of loggers that wouldn't return home.

Whenever someone looked directly at it, it would use its long and thin limbs to hide behind the nearest tree. An d also apparently had superhuman speed that allowed it to stay hidden. It has thick and sharp claws that it uses to disembowel its victims. According to legend, the Hidebehind would watch you for days before making you its next meal. It would wait for the perfect moment and then would slice open your stomach. And according to some legends, you would still be alive while it dragged you to its nest and began to eat you. The only way to prevent this creature from attacking you is to drink alcohol because it hates the taste and smell of liquor.

Luckily for us, this is most likely an old tale told by forest men to come to terms with the dangerous business of logging. Often in the olden days. lumberjacks wouldn't come home after logging accidents. It was a dangerous field with one in every hundred lumberjacks dying on the job. Whether it was a tree falling the wrong way or a mountain lion, it didn't matter because it still would've been a terrifying reality to live in for most lumberjacks. They would often drink to deal with the passing of their friends which is probably the birth of this legend. Lumberjacks trying to make sense of all the death and convincing themselves that alcohol would protect them.

Knowing this background, I can confidently say that Mr. Pickler was probably drunk. He was seeing things while on that hunting trip and we should be happy he didn't shoot his hand off on accident. Seriously it wouldn't be the first time he hurt himself like that. Though it makes sense. Mr. Pickler was probably using alcohol to pass the time and that combined with the days he spent alone caused him to see a creature from his childhood. So don't be too terrified next time you go in the woods. It's probably just a squirrel you're hearing. Thanks again to Mr. Pickler for sponsoring Monster of the Week. Maybe next time though, don't drink alone in the woods.

Our next story is about Chris Breckenridge, or Dyce as he prefers to be called. Apparently his twitch streams have reached over 50,000 viewers at one point and he was rated by this streamer, Smash, which is a good thing . I'm like 85% sure of that. Apparently he is even thinking of dropping out of school to pursue his gaming career which I am begging him not to do that. We all know Chris can do stupid things like that one time he agreed to eat dog feces for $5 and then was in the hospital for 2 weeks, but genuinely this is one of the stupidest ideas he's proposed. Especially since his Esports team is doing very well. No one is more shocked than me, I promise.

Chris says it's due to the fact that he is quote "a goat at video games" but I'd be willing to bet that it also has something to do with his talented and less annoying teammate. They have one last game to win before they qualify for the district Championship. That game is Tuesday in the gym if anyone wants to go watch it. It will also be live streamed so finally a socially acceptable way to support the school in your pajamas. Go turtles and let's hope we can see our Esports team at District.

Listeners I have an update on Scarlett's party. Here's the story that we know so far: Amelia was brought to the party by her friends and was the designated driver. Amelia has never been to a high school party before and was quote "only there to make observations." She also jokingly called this whole thing a science experiment, saying "I want to see my fellow high schoolers in their natural habitat." Though she didn't really socialize much until about 1:00 a.m. when a large group of peopled decided to play Truth or Dare. One of the people playing was Hunter. This becomes important later. Amelia spends most of the game telling truths and giving generally boring answers. "Sorry guys," she had said. "I'm just not that interesting." But when it was Hunter's turn he chose Amelia, who picked truth again. He said something along the lines of "stop being boring" and encouraged her to choose dare, which she did. Once this happened, he dared Amelia to kiss him. She immediately told him she wasn't doing that and to pick something else, but Hunter kept pushing it. Soon enough Scarlett stepped in and told Hunter to knock it off and that he was being a creep. Hunter then stormed off and wasn't seen for the rest of the game. Amelia quietly thanks Scarlett and they continue with their game, but that's not all that happened. Later on in the night around 2 a.m. Amelia went to the bathroom to catch her breath and get a moment of quiet. Her friends have said she was starting to get tired and overwhelmed so they were starting to get their stuff together so they could leave. Though Hunter apparently followed Amelia into the bathroom and tried to have a conversation with her. By the end of this conversation Amelia was storming out of the bathroom looking pale as a ghost. She apparently told Hunter to never speak to her again and quickly left with her friends. I am being told that someone was on a live stream during this time and we are going to be looking for the video. It's said to have some of their conversation on it.

All of my support goes to Amelia. We all know Hunter can be a creep but God this is on a new level. I mean following someone into the bathroom? Why would he ever think that's okay? Take a few days to get some rest, Amelia. We all know you deserve it.

As long as we are discussing one member of the Clark family we might as well discuss the others. The Clark parents have bought some land at the bottom of the mountain. Apparently they are using this land for hunting purposes, but the Clarks are not the type to get their hands dirty like that. People nearby have reported seeing construction equipment being moved in and out during the night so whatever they're doing there is something they don't want people to know about. Neighbors have made noise complaints and one even asked the mayor if they had a building permit, but the mayor simply said there wasn't any proof of construction on the site. Which is just a load of BS. I mean how hard would it even be for them to get a building permit? I swear it's literally impossible for that family to play by the rules. I wish I had more information for the story, Listeners, but I couldn't explore the grounds due to a barbed wire fence surrounding the property. So much for being hunting grounds...

Don't worry I will keep investigating this and will inform y'all the moment I get new information.

Let's move on to some nicer segments, shall we? The library is starting a knitting circle in an effort to get younger people into the art of textiles. You don't even need to knit. Crochet, needlework or embroidery: all of it is welcomed at the library. All the librarians ask is that you bring a project and some good conversation, which sign me up. I have been needing an excuse to get back into crafting. It meets on Wednesday night at 7:00 in the group room of the library. Hope to see y'all there.

Now we get to talk about what was supposed to be our main story today. Ivy Groter apparently wants to start a Wicca and Pagan club at school. There is significant interest in the club, not just from the three actual pagans at the school but from a couple of people who are simply into astrology, crystals and other forms of spirituality.

Now I think any sane person can see that this is a harmless club, but sadly Witherburn isn't filled with sane people. Some local churchgoers are saying that this club is satanic and can't be approved by the school. Others are starting to spread rumors that Ivy is actually practicing dark magic in the woods. Ivy says that this is very offensive and that it's very dehumanizing to see people treat her religion as evil and not safe for school especially when the school currently has a bible club. But let's be honest, Listeners, these rumors are unsubstantiated and I think point to a bigger problem in Witherburn.

We aren't accepting of different people. I mean seriously, Ivy Groter is a straight A student and an active member of student counsel yet people are acting like she's some cartoon villain. It doesn't take a genius to realize this is giving "I saw Goody Proctor at the Devil Sacrament" vibes. Did the satanic panic not end in the nineties? Why are we looking at a perfectly fine young lady and acting like she's summoning Lucifer in her free time, because what? She's a goth Pagan? I feel like this is an issue that needs to be talked about.

Witherburn has been and always will be a small town that has a lot of diversity and thought and we should be fostering that diversity, not stifling it. Paganism and spirituality are on the rise and I hate to be the one to break it to those church ladies- Oh who am I kidding? I'm fine with making them mad, but stats show that over 33% of Americans identify with the term spiritual over religious and that number is rising. It was only a matter of time before this mindset came to Witherburn. From what I can tell, these churchgoers have one of two options. They can either keep going down the path they're on and temporarily prevent change from happening, but go down in WItherburn history as bigots and Puritans or they could accept this club and recognize that other ideas should be allowed to flourish in town. I think we all know what they're going to choose though. Best of luck to the Pagan club. I hope to see your posters in our halls very soon.

Okay everyone I found the video of Hunter and Amelia at the party. Apparently Chris was live streaming for his twitch and that's how we got this recording. Be warned. There is some mildly disturbing stuff on here including what might be assault and what is definitely crossing a boundary. Here's that video.

DYCE: "Oh yeah, chat! I'm at the Homecoming afterparty hosted by the wonderful Scarlett Johnson" [Muted woo in the background] "Yeah it's been pretty chill tonight, guys. Wait, wait did Hunter just go into the bathroom with Amelia? Oh my god these guys think they're sly. Seriously though why would they hook up in a bathroom? Ha, the chat wants me to eavesdrop. You know, why not? Maybe I'll knock on the door and scare them after a few minutes, teach them not to make out where people pee."

HUNTER: "No one would care about you, but one day you will slip. God, will that be nice."

AMELIA: "Hunter please get off me."

HUNTER: "I do what I want."

AMELIA: "I said don't touch me."

DYCE: "Whoa, Amelia are you okay?"

AMELIA: "I'm fine. Hunter's just fucking drunk."

DYCE: "Um, I'm going to end the stream here guys. Dyce out."

THE REPORTER:

So... that was intense. The group chat is still blowing up. Apparently Amelia doesn't want to talk about it, which is fair and we should respect her wishes, but also Hunter has left the group chat. Many people have reported this to the principal already and one person has reported it to the police but they're saying there's not enough evidence for an investigation. To be frank listeners, I think we all know how this ends. If Hunter was harassing Amelia there will be no repercussions for his actions. He is always getting away with these things. This is the Clark's town and we are just living in it.

I don't know how to end this episode, folks. I mean I am angry as hell but it's also just.. sad. No one should have to deal with this. I guess I can only say that if you have any more evidence against Hunter Clark then please send it into the police. Also make sure Amelia knows that we stand behind her. Don't press her for story or for gossip, but let her know that we are here and on her side. And to Amelia, I really really hope you understand the love this community has for you.

That's all for today. Tune in next week to Witherburn After School News. I'm The Reporter, signing off.

WitherBurn After School News is written and directed by Jordan Oliver. Edited by Frances Hughes. The Title Song is by FutureMe Amelia Farrow-Gracia is played by Miranda T. Grauzas. Hunter Clark is Played by Xavier Ledesma. Dyce is played by Miles Hannah

#witherburn #witherburn after school news #fictional podcast #podcast transcript #wasn

[imightgetbetter]

this will probably be quite long-winded so i'm going to put it under a read more. this has nothing to do with matty or the band, it's my other favorite artists, but i just can't talk about this on my main blog because i fear the people i am talking about will find it and harass me and talk shit about me for weeks again (this happened after an anon mistake and a bit of an impulse decision back a few years ago and i hated my life and almost deleted my blog because of it) so i trust that this will stay between us (as much as it can on the internet)

so my main blog is a primarily harry styles/niall horan blog with a whole bunch of my shitty diary posts and things i think are silly. it started with niall and harry writing and then when niall went on hiatus after his last album it became a primarily harry blog because i wrote my biggest story in the height of the pandemic and it gained a lot of traction during quarantine. in that height, someone started talking shit about niall and i went to his defence as any lonesome teenager does and it backfired on me gravely and this group of harry styles blogs that think they're very popular and cool harassed me about it. it was awful for weeks. i basically couldn't go online without having a panic attack. anyways, it's that same group.

all they do is talk about how much they think niall is a copy and paste of harry or that he isn't marketable or that he can't pick singles or that he pushes his streams and charts too much. all while claiming they don't care about him and hate him or whatever. they say all these things that simply aren't true. harry didn't "create" marketing campaigns on websites, neither did niall! however, niall's last album was marketed through a website and videos everyday and all this. harry isn't original in his techniques, the difference is that his following is so insane that they will do every single marketing thing for him. he doesn't need a team of people to do it. these fans are so insane that they are doing a job that people get paid to do. niall does his job! that's why he's telling people to stream and whatnot.

niall's songwriting is miles and miles better than harry's, but because of the way they think harry is the best at everything, they don't recognize that. niall started working with amy allen (a writer harry worked with on his last album) nearly six years ago, maybe even seven. she co-wrote my favorite niall horan song, to this day. like, they saw amy allen and tobias jesso jr and freaked out that niall was copying harry, as if niall isn't also a songwriter in the industry. like .. i genuinely am so sick of this conversation! (i also would compare niall's songwriting in depth and meaning to matty's, which is why i love it so much)

it's also very fucking annoying that harry stans have created this whole culture around going to concerts and liking artists that is so toxic and annoying that i can't stand it. like, half of the people at niall's pop up shop today weren't even singing his songs, they were singing the harry songs that were on the playlist. or the way all these harry stans are suddenly talking about niall on tiktok to get clout or merch or whatever it is. i've literally been a niall fan or whatever since the very beginning of one direction, i followed him on tour way back when, he's the reason i love live music and want to work in touring. i love harry, i do, i've gone to his shows plenty of times and talk about him and have a blog and a story, i'm not saying anything bad really about him, but it's so frustrating to see how people treat other artists just compared to harry styles and i literally am getting so annoyed every day.

okay i think i'm done. like i said .. this is between you and me and god.

#do not reblog

[elinaline]

lmao i just realize you asked for an ask game and what i'm asking is not one, but what do you think of the french government threatening to block twitter? they say it's because of the suggestive content but isn't the timing a bit suspect? with all the pictures of protests and stories from protesters they are getting shared there?

Oh no they've been talking about restricting access to potential pornography for years, but so far haven't found an effective way to control identity without risk of personal information leak. I mean I'm definitely more worried about the law project to ban people from all social media for harassment, when they said last week that organizing a gathering for a ministre is harassment...

Tbh from what I've seen most pictures and videos of the protests also end up on Instagram and many newspapers so until they fully lock everything, we will still have access to these images.

Regarding Twitter I also wouldn't fall in the conspiracy theory stuff because it is such a convenient social network for the right as well, they're doing continuous propaganda on here and harassment of climatologists and activists, it's definitely a tool for radicalization, so if we go the conspiracy path it wouldn't make sense to justify closing it with "yeah there's pics of protests" when under every pic of a protest you have hundreds of right wing people radicalizing centrists and saying protesters are violent terrorists.

[hxllishrebuke]

Hello its me ive had time to think everything over and I wanted to clear some things and apologize for others. i finally have the words to the thoughts that's been buzzing in my skull.

So here we go.

all the stols conversations, ranting, and insults, happened probably last year I think all of those chats are gone now and don't exist and I personally have told the owner of this blog my deep regret to stols and what I did however I am unable to apologize to stols directly as they have me blocked. if I could I would but I'm not gonna block evade to apologize. If Stols doesn't wanna talk with me I'll respect that and leave their space alone. but I do want stols to know I do deeply regret the things I did. From all I've seen you really are trying and all my assumptions and baseless evidences were...well beyond ok. I can only apologize for the anger full bull only see red behavior I had and hope one day you can forgive me. I'm sorry, truly.

2. I don't have communication or know lokes victims I personally never interacted but I do know that this account has a lot of lokes victims so it's the best way that I can say this. I deeply apologize to anyone that I may have hurt or offended by defending loke I have blocked loke on everything and made it clear that I won't be associating with them anymore in private to the owner of this account but now I'm publically saying as well. as the owner has said I've been taking a bit of a mental health break from this all. it's been a lot. but know that I am doing my best to not associate myself with people like this in the future I won't be acting on blind faith that the offender has gotten better and I'm going to make sure I read the docs of offenders as I'm sure if many of lokes supporters actually read what's in those docs. they wouldn't be supporters anymore, I know reading those is what finally brought the horrible truth to my eyes and practically ate me alive.

3. What has been said on the server is pretty true. it's fucking cliquey as hell. personally, I'm really rarely on it. I work a majority of the week the time I'm off I usually game, on tumble, or interact in other groups from my own personal experience. I've come to blows with Loke and other cliquey members. My rping style is agnst, I RP dark themes and sad/angry/depressed characters. It's what I like it's fun for me. which means a lot of my characters don't take shit, they're opinionated, and they get into fights, of course, theirs calm and silly moments but it happens and I'm fine with it I love it when my muses talk shit and get hit. I find it personally fun and I've made this clear several times in the server. however despite that in my own experience most of the times I would interact with either loke when their were in there, roman and scion. {roman=five-eyed-peacock scion=explosionpalmed} were assholes complete fucking assholes.

essentially my experience in the server was to rp. somehow, somewhen, eventually, I would offend them in rp, and then after the fact they would grill me that I offended them and that I should stop and I need to stop doing this. whilst pretending to both IC and ooc that everything was fine. they would bully, harass, etc after the rp was over. so I sat there and thought everything was fine, and then after I would be assaulted with harmful words and pointed fingers.

I've talked with toastie several times about this weird abusive behavior but toastie just played neutral. Recently I finally stood up for myself and told them I wasn't gonna let them keep treating me like this, they both blocked me and left the server. all the whilst I always told anyone if you have an issue if you don't like where a thread is going don't interact, or let me know I'll move it to a different chat whatever you need. despite this, they interacted pretended things were fine and then afterward would bully and harass me. always with claims that I was letting ooc slip into ic with no proof and I've essentially always answered the same to this accusation "It's ic, not ooc, there is no offense being taken to your character. nor am I trying to bully you ooc. I've told you this several times now." despite it. I don't know if it's like paranoia or if they only used to uwu rps where every character is a nice uwu boi and never gets into arguments because I'll tell you there was a lot of those kinds of rps. I don't know. they claimed to be friends with me and they loved all characters and rp styles with one side of their face whilst actively abusing me with the other side.

since they left the server is effectively dead they were one of the more active members. and now the server barely has a post or two. and honestly, I'm a bit glad. the entire server was a clusterfuck it was great. I know a lot of posts try to say it was constant fights, arguments, and people being bullied and harassed. maybe there was I do remember at the start I had a lot of fun more than any server in the past decade. as I've said I wasn't active most days before roman and scion began to ramp up the harassment towards me I had a lot of fun we did a lot of cool RPing events. I don't know what changed whilst I was gone but it's definitely not like it was. maybe it was never like I thought it was and I was just either gone or blind to it. I don't know.

4. And I'll say this as an ending defense towards toastie. they've been dealing with a lot, school, their server, and this drama around loke. it took me what...a month or two to finally write this all up for everyone to see and I was only dealing with the stress of this situation. I know a lot of people here want to believe that toastie is still secretly a loke supporter and is still just as toxic as before. but c'mon guys give 'em time. if it took me a month or two to write this all up give them a bit longer. their dealing with a lot of real-life stuff. give them a chance before you completely demonize toastie again. you guys gave me a chance. give them a chance to grow from this. It is sadly not an overnight thing and I know toastie knew loke for a lot longer than I did. I believe toastie will come and do the right thing, they're a good person who got wrapped up in a lot of bad things. just like I did. and just like me was a hard defender believing in faith that loke was different. just give them a chance. is all I ask.

alright i think thats all the points I wanted to get across. sorry for typos and the like I did get Grammarly to try and spruce up all the red I see on my screen right now. i hope everyone has a good day and remember everyone can change if they're willing to accept the faults they made and own up to them. sometimes it takes longer than others. but we should always believe that a person can change.

posting as is but I did wish toastie didn’t block me out of the blue and then turn around to speak ill. I gave Toastie a chance and they spat in my face, blocked me, and spoke talked ill to the point one of their followers spoke up against them.

#toastie

[the-firebird69]

Charles Spencer shares breathtaking photo of Princess Diana's resting place at first light | HELLO!

And it is time for us to check a lot of people said. This guy has been on the grounds and say it's his house now he's living there and is Trump and Sarah and people want to know what the status is and they want to know why he's so cocky this is coming up very soon and he's going to be out of commission other people are going to be doing his job and he doesn't know it a lot of people don't think it's true but it is and it's going to happen very soon. Right now the foreign fleet has pulled off and is making repairs and it is adding ships by taking them on the ground and building ships separately and taking them from morlock the minority more luck and regular morlock this is a few hundred billion ships that were left that they are going around and taking. They're free to be about 1.5 trillion our fleet is about 8 trillion and we're going to add to it from buried stuff and we're going to take our share of course. We have the largest fleet on Earth. Now I know that it caused a lot of attention to the max and I'm feeling some of it but we're hiding the fleet and we do have plans about Saturn which will launch shortly that fleet is humongous is Titanic there's nothing more impressive it's impressive because it's full of individuals who are individuals taking as well as working with us in forests and they are us it's not like seeing a planet movie it's really intense it's a feeling of power I haven't felt for a long time because of you idiots here. It's a matter of greatness it's very impressive. And we will continue onwards and are endeavors but we must utilize it well and right now foreigners are going to press into Florida and they are going to probably remove the blackships if not the pseudo empire as they are fighting both and both don't seem to have much of a chance they're going to fight over Titan shortly and that will draw ships off of us and offers off of Earth it will start shortly and we mean today

-other things are going to happen today as well they are very large and they are going to be helpful to see our son is getting ready to go up to his appointment at the doctors today. There are a lot of people who want to mess around them and they're going to get hit and that's one thing

-another is he's supposed to be growing and people don't see it frankly he's not saying it we don't see a huge change and it is going to come along eventually right around this time but it seems to be the same SO waiting and we do here word it takes a few weeks so we're going to stand by and wait

-these people are trying to arrest him and so forth we want them out they're very tired of hearing this stupid crap from them they're having a fight in the sheriffs and please and police but it's not good enough and we need them out it's happening pretty soon it's a lot of them but really just needs to be worked on

-so today we can expect the pseudo empire to invade they were attacked last night and a lot of them are leaving and a lot will come here to get the job done massive numbers and they're moving out right now to Florida I also going all over the world but there's a major destination they're coming here as a priority and to assist the program there's a few other things happening today that are noteworthy we are in receipt of several warnings about the doctor but they're coming from the wrong side okay we also heard from the sheriff and he is back to cause problems and we hear that he is not being a nice person anywhere to our son so we going to do things to him rather soon that he was not expecting he should be in court right now but he is left at to sit here and harass our son and thinking he's getting stuff I've never heard of someone falling for it so much this guy is a giant fool he's a freaking idiot all for this stuff so often and he's just complete fast as well about everything it says we don't know we're doing or talking about and of benefits of having sex with these short lives and all this isn't anything about us a lot of people say they've been around and it seems like you haven't and the sun says he got it in the head have some mercy on him part of him left and they say it sounds like a smart person as opposed to you and then they heard their son again he actually got hit in the head and they say furthermore you actually got hit in the head in your stupid and they don't like him and they're telling him off you did get in the head and you're stupid and he's right you're dumb for real and some people are angry at him and they say it you should not be out here fooling people that you're fine when you are a disaster and you need to be in a hospital and you need to be away from people and he won't do it so we tried to look him up on the internet now you know all that stuff about him and yeah he and his are the ones who don't know squat about what they're talking about so we went ahead and we put orders on him and putting some more on right he doesn't belong here he's not legally here and we're going to have him removed by the state and Jason has been getting ready to do so and has been aggravated to hell by him for almost any reason over the past few years and the guys are nasty nasty b**** he's a heinous heinous loser and he's acting on things when he doesn't have ability to do anything we are compiling a list of things to do to him and I want it distributed to people who want to do them so they get done and I'm doing it right now if anybody objects to do anything to this guy please tell us and tell us why we know the reasons are usually very valid we need to know more shortly and yet he interrupted again

Thor Freya

Olympus

We want them out he's taking time with everybody's and everybody can't stand him so if there are people who don't want them out we need to know why it's very important our survival is in question this guy is a threat

Hera Zeus

We know some of the reasons but we have to know them all we have to get them all in we have to work as teams to fix these reasons you cannot let someone have power and not tell us why

Savage opress

[heartxdecay]

WHY do bad things always have to happen to me so close together like I did not NEED the combo of an acquaintance I was attempting to befriend blowing up at me and threatening to kill themselves over them deciding I said something I didn't (fuck being autistic why does everyone assume I'm inferring things when I'm actually NOT) and then my stalker who I haven't seen in about a year suddenly decides to show up at my place of work and ask MY BOYFRIEND if I was there (he lied and said I wasn't but I still caught a glimpse of him so he might have seen me) which lead to me finding out he never actually moved like he said he was going to which means realistically he could go right back to stalking and harassing me any time he wants. In the span of like 3 days. And of course right now we're like 3 weeks away from the big traumaversary time from when I left the cult + this is the midst of when I was reporting aforementioned stalker last year so I'm already constantly on high alert anyway. So now I'm constantly struggling just to stay awake let alone work and I already had to drop out of school and lie to my parents about it because the condition of me living here is remaining in school which means since I'm not they're going to kick me out if they know. So I can't NOT go to school AND not work especially because I'm trying to save as much money as possible in order to move out of this stupid hellhole of a "family" home where I'm constantly used as a third parent for my younger siblings. But I'm so tired all the time from stress keeping me awake at all hours and being completely unable to leave fight or flight mode when awake that I can barely find the energy to move, and my work is extremely tiring. I work retail as a supervisor and I have to deal with my coworkers not doing as much of the workload despite all being full time while I'm part time, none of the people I'm in charge of taking me seriously because I'm either younger than them or the same age as them, regular stress that comes with working retail and dealing with customers, and a management change that is leading to us getting a notoriously rude + perfectionist manager who I have personally seen throw an actual tantrum over having to do his JOB. Which means I can't afford to be tired and grumpy because I have to remain professional and productive. But every time something slightly off happens I want to burst into tears. Nobody there respects me and it's hard enough to handle when I'm NOT dealing with all of this. And of course because God hates me all of this happened when I decided to try to cut back on constantly vaping so after incident #2 I immediately gave up on that and I honestly think I've been going through cartridges FASTER. It's genuinely such a struggle every day to not relapse on self harm or turn to alcoholism and I'm not sure how much longer I can last. Especially because my literal only IRL support system is my boyfriend, because my parents are worth jack shit, my siblings are children, and my only "friend" in person is an objectively terrible human that I only still have around because they were my FP for a really long time and I have a hard time letting go of that relationship (every time I try I end up running back) and I just KNOW that if I even TRY to breach any of this with them they're either going to hit me with an "oof/yikes" and nothing else or spread my PERSONAL shit to everyone they know INCLUDING my extremely abusive ex that they refuse to totally cut contact with because it's "mean". which means I actually have nobody to turn to except the internet friends in my phone who for one aren't online all the time and have lives but two since they're my ONLY SUPPORT SYSTEM I cannot keep dumping everything on them constantly or I'll overwhelm them. Not to mention they have also had to deal with the acquaintance I mentioned at the start because they're actually THEIR friend, not mine, so if anything it's an even bigger deal to them. This leaves me with only my boyfriend who I already feel shitty enough about given the raging BPD.

#i cant keep turning to him he's dealing with enough from my constant reassurance and fear he's going to suddenly thrn into a horrible person #like my other relationships and past fp did #he's so wonderful and supportive and i already put him through enough #i cant keep doing this i actually cannot live like this #i have work but here i am on tumblr breaking post lengths complaining about my life at 4am #like this will fuxking help anything at all because nobody will ever see this or if they do they'll ve a STRANGER who cannot help me at all #so im just yelling into the void so at least i can say i talked about it and maybe itll make everythibg feel just a little bit lighter #because im tired of everything weighing on me so heavily all the time i #i didnt even get into the physical problems or the increase in fatigue making me fucking sleep 10-12 hours at any given moment and sleeo #through all my alarms and make me late to work twice in just the ladt WEEK #which means I only have one more tome before my final warning #BUT HERE I AM. AWAKE. because for some reason my stupid fucking brain wont let me sleep #no matter how physically exhausted I am #I'm just fed up and tired and i want all of this to go away #but i cant end it because i actually have people who will miss me and i cant fucking burden them with the fact that their friend/partner #killed themself because i KNOW they'll blame themselves like they're bot the only reason i didnt do it 3 years ago #vent

[whatifsandspheres]

I had this really cliché moment with myself earlier today. So cliché but so very meaningful to me in the midst of all the hate and dysfunction around me from everyone else.

I picked the first two guava fruits off the tree in the patio that I've been taking care of. I rinsed them right then and there and ate them. They were so sweet, like nectar. I tasted it on my breath even after.

I have been eating the chilli peppers and some Chaya leaves, limes I froze early in the spring and fresh ones already ripening again. I got some sow thistle leaves and have been eating the cactus pads from both of the species I'm tending to.

I don't see it.

I don't see why they hate me so much and want to gaslight me and blame me for everything.

I don't see how what they do to me is excusable and how easily they can discount what I value as worthless and frivolous.

I know, I have had so much proof! I could feed myself a nutritionally balanced diet, all organic, all homegrown, all from my own work and deliberation, all through my patience and care.

They hate me.

They won't stop with the complications and antagonisms. The deceit and the harassment. Just today while I cleaned out the cats' litterbox and came into the house for the other one, they threw another rock or brick or something at my gate. Everyone who saw did nothing, the next door neighbors were almost pleased.

It wasn't enough to complicate and harass my progress on watering and tending plants in the park. I used to go out there almost every single week and water trees several times a week, usually at night if it was summer. No it's not enough for them. It wasn't enough everything they've done since and I'm too exhausted to describe it all in detail or roughly list it out. Now in my own home they come in and break my plants, harass me from outside, goad and taunt and gloat. Two times the asshole next door has broken in uninvited, illegally. And twice nobody has set him straight.

That guava tasted like nectar. It was beautiful for a moment.

I remember when I got back here from Coamiles, after my parents promised me they were sorry for what they had done to me and nothing like it would ever happen. I remember the flavor those fruits from the same tree had this month in 2020. It was weak, bland, even the texture was just mediocre. They were all smaller than average and didn't develop any flavor even left to ripen fully.

It's not me. I'm not my problems.

I wish the commons existed. The wilderness. Something like an "outside."

I've washed my clothes with my own hands for a year, not for anyone to pat my back and give me a medal, but that doesn't mean I did it so that little pieces of shit who never have to clean their own toilet could puff their chest and live to old age without being knocked down to the position they should be in society.

A man could steal bread to feed his starving family as a last resort, or he could live a shameless career of thieving, and flaunt it. A group of adolescents could steal that same bread to get a rush and feel something, either throwing it away, ruining it, or actually eating it. A person could steal that same bread just to prevent a sale or purchase. A person could rub their dirty hands on that bread, sneeze on it, rub it on their boot.

It's not that complicated. But it's not so simple. Anyone with any sincere eyes can find the sense in these situations. Instead of a piece of bread, they've trampled on human rights, civil rights, dignity, decency, humanity. For what? Because it's very clear to me it hasn't been to figuratively save a starving family from hunger. I see greed, and I see ego and I see so much hate. I see selfishness, and I see so much pride and self-righteousness among all their double standards. They're blind to all the relevant details, they draw conclusions they already preconceived and stitch connections that aren't meant to be, out of order or priority, out of place and uncalled for. Meanwhile they ignore the obvious, as if they truly don't recognize anything as true as the facts and never would, blinded by hate.

#personal #txt

[sinisterlyliv]

Pass the happy! When you receive this list 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the last people in your notifications 😙✨

This ask blog thing we've got going for characters. I only use this for rp. And I used to rp before on another site but it...wasn't that great? People took it way too seriously. Like, they were more worried about a word count than the story and characters and having fun. And personally I find word counts to be the least important in rp (I do understand wanting to have long paragraphs in some rps but I would never get mad at someone for having 230 words instead of 250). So I stopped because that sucked. But if I can send an ask to you or another blog like yours, I get a little taste of rp in a way that doesn't suck. And I've had WAY more fun than I thought I would and it's become way more of a thing for me. It started out as just anon asks since I don't use my main blog, I only use a side blog. I went and made a whole new account for this because I was having fun.

Family. Had a family get together this week so I've been having fun with them. They're family I haven't seen in forever too (they live on the East Coast and I live in a Western state) so it's great. And I've been seeing family a lot more lately since I'm going to live out of the country temporarily and I have a few cousins doing similar things, so we've been seeing each other more often to make up for the time we won't see each other. But I just love my family. My relationships aren't perfect by any means. But I know they won't abandon me because of something big or small.

So, I'll be living in Brazil temporarily, and I know no Portuguese. So I've been using Duolingo to learn some basics. And I took five years of Spanish between middle and high school, but that was pre-covid and I've lost a lot of it since then. But it's almost like I'm relearning Spanish as I'm learning Portuguese. Because in some ways Portuguese feels like Spanish that is written completely differently and has a very different accent. So far with the most basic of the basics, I can understand Portuguese if spoken and I can kind of speak it (still trying to get the handle of Portuguese pronunciation instead of Spanish pronunciation), but reading and writing is so much harder because there's different characters and everything is spelled way different (yo vs. eu). But then there's words that look like they might be exactly the same (como and bebo) but so far Duolingo has only shown me the one conjugation so I don't know what's going on with anything else or what the infinitive is. But it's actually so much fun. I'm relearning one language while learning another. And I have a knack for languages in general and enjoying learning languages, so this is really fun for me.

Writing. Writing fanfiction is just so fun and therapeutic and makes my brain go insane with happiness. All of my fics are linked on my other account, and to be honest I don't know if they'd appeal to any of the people I've interacted with here (you wouldn't guess that I don't have any Doctor Strange fics, would you? Stephen is a big deal in one of my Loki fics though, and I'm planning out some fics for Stephen and variants, but from this blog you'd think Stephen is my favorite when he actually isn't! He is in my top 4 though! Loki, Bucky, Coulson, Stephen, order can vary. Now that I got that tangent out of the way...).

Food. I love food. And I love cooking. I don't normally talk religiously (yes, I am Christian, a minority in Christianity too, I was harassed on a side blog on my other account by someone saying that Christians can't be queer and they called me terrible things so I don't feel comfortable talking about it that often any more), but the fact that we have both the ability to taste and so many ingredients that can be cooked and combined in delicious ways, at least to me, is very strong evidence that God loves us. Currently in a big nutella thing. Also, since I'm going to Brazil, people having been giving me Guaraná Soda, this Brazilian pop that tastes amazing, and I may have been looking up where I can buy it in the States by my house. Sushi is also extremely delicious. And I could go on and on but I'll stop now to save you all time.

#ty for the ask #fun fact this is the first ask on this blog so thats cool