paint the town red - part thirteen
TONY, PLEASE DON'T KILL YOUR FIRST DRIVER
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"LECLERC I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW-" tony was cut off by hurried steps. the steps came to a stop at the front of the door, bianca and charles stood silent, hoping it was cause tony to go away. they prayed to every deity out there that it wasn’t a paparazzi or a hotel staff member.
"what on earth are you doing?" pepper potts' voice is heard asking tony. the couple on the other side of the door let out a breath they didn't know they had been holding in.
bianca and charles turned to frantically find a way out of their current predicament. they were trying to figure out what on earth they're supposed to do next. charles turns to look at bianca, "what do we do?"
"how am i supposed to know? i've never been in this position before? do i sneak out the window? what do i do?" bianca frantically asked.
"do not sneak out the window," charles said, "we're thirty stories up!"
"i got kidnapped by obadiah stane when i was a kid. i can easily get to my room from here," bianca paused for a moment, "and we are way higher than thirty stories."
"we don't have time to unpack that right now," charles said, "am i potentially going to die right now?" bianca shrugged, "what do you mean you don't know?!"
"LECLERC! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! OPEN THE DOOR!" tony shouted again.
"tony, calm down," pepper pleaded.
"CALM DOWN?! MY DRIVER HAS BEEN DEFILING MY BABY! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST CALM DOWN?!"
"ooh," a different voice is heard saying, probably harley, "you're dead tony," that had definitely been harley.
pepper is heard chuckling, "did you just yell at me?"
"no, i-" tony cuts himself off, "pepper, that- he- my baby."
"she is a grown woman anthony," pepper tells him.
"but he's a whore," tony rebutts, "my baby deserves better than that."
the door to charles hotel room opens, bianca and charles stand on the other side, both shocked. the ferrari team, tony, and pepper stand opposite of them. carlos looks close to tears from laughter, harley is holding him up, truly the only reason carlos hasn't collapsed. sebastian looks like he would rather be anywhere else then there, while isaiah looks constipated, but that could just be the hangover.
"i am not a whore," charles argues.
"anyone who dates my daughter is a whore unless proven otherwise," tony says nonchalantly, his gaze set on pepper. realization dawns on him, he slowly turns to look at charles, the monegasque freezes, "you."
tony launches himself at charles, before sebastian jumps to grab him, isaiah helping him. bianca pushes charles behind her, carlos and harley being no help. peter is simply watching the situation with wide eyes, while pepper rushes to pull her phone out, calling someone.
"dad," bianca begins, "think very wisely about what you're about to do."
"oh, i am thinking," tony says, "i'm thinking that i should be asking f.r.i.d.a.y. to bring my suit. i'm about to murder that- that- twink!"
"twink?" charles questions, cocking his head to the side, "what is a twink?"
harley snorts, "tony, you can't go around calling people twinks."
"sure i can!" tony argues, "he's a twink whore who defiled my baby!"
the sound of the elevator opening is heard, several footsteps come running down the hallway. the sight of tony being held back by sebastian and isaiah send bucky and sam into a fit of laughter. steve smacks both of their heads, causing them to calm down. with them are also yelena, natasha, and joaquin.
"great!" tony says spotting steve and bucky, "bucky, can i borrow your metal arm?"
bucky stares at tony, before staring back down at his arm, “i’m afraid to say yes. what are you going to do with it?”
tony turned to glare at charles, who is still partially hidden by bianca, “i’m about to pulverize a twink.”
sam quickly realizes what’s going on, “LECLERC! IT’S LECLERC?! OH I JUST LOST SO MUCH MONEY!”
joaquin laughs loudly, “I JUST WON SO MUCH MONEY!”
“i’m not giving you my arm so you can kill your 1st driver. i have been apart of enough murders against my will, ferrari’s golden boy will not be added to that list. i already have a president on that list.”
“you people have a so many issues,” isaiah muttered, before pausing, processing what bucky had said, "you killed a president?" bucky winked at him and isaiah began wondering which president it could’ve been.
“do you maybe think, you’re overreacting tony?” steve questioned, “it’s charles. you like charles.”
“i liked him better when he wasn’t sleeping with my daughter!” tony shouted.
“who said we’re sleeping together?!” bianca questioned.
“harry!”
“you two were in the same hotel room,” sam pointed out. bianca glared at him, “because we were drunk samuel! people who are dating take care of each other!”
“i would never do anything-” charles began but was cut off by pepper glaring at her husband, “since when do you believe a thing an osborn says?”
“this is not something that should be happening in the middle of a hotel hallway,” sebastian said, “maybe we could head inside?”
“yelena stop giving everyone a play by play! put the phone away!” natasha scolded as they headed inside charles’ hotel room. yelena scoffed, “the people deserve to know.”
suddenly the elevator dinged, alerting them to the presence of more people arriving soon. everyone froze, waiting to see who it would be. clint, alex, kate, lando, max, america, scott, and george all ran out of the elevator.
“don’t kill him!” lando pleaded, “he is but a man in love!”
“kill him,” max argued, “that puts him out of contention!”
“i can’t believe you would stoop so low verstappen,” kate muttered.
“oh shut up,” max argued, “you said you would enjoy watching charles get beat up by an old man pushing 70.”
“HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM?!” tony shouted.
“old enough to live through the great depression?” america tried.
everyone stifled their laughter as tony made a sound of disapproval. tony turned to glare at charles, “i know you’re not laughing twink.”
“stop calling him a twink!” harley scolded the older man. tony rolled his eyes. bianca smiled politely at her dad, tony shook his head, “don’t give me that smile.”
“dad,” bianca tried, tony cut her off, “a driver? you just had to date a driver? you couldn’t go for an engineer or something? what about isaiah? he’s a great guy!”
“dad,” bianca tried again, tony once again ignored his daughter, "i mean seriously, anyone would've been better than my driver! you couldn't have picked like oscar? or logan? hell, i would've settled for max."
"i have a girlfriend," max pointed out. tony waved him off too, "or you could've gone for fernando. maybe jenson? or mick? or even lewis!"
"i'm pregnant!" bianca shouted. the room fell silent, before it exploded into a flurry of words and emotions, "i'm actually not but no will listen to me!"
"i'm about to die and you're making jokes?!" charles questioned, running around the room, being chased by tony, "i'm going to kill that monegasque twink!"
"why is he calling him a twink?" america asked, no one answered her question, being to occupied with trying to separate tony and charles. tony, who was currently trying to smother charles with a pillow while charles was trying to carefully throw tony off of him. carlos and harley were still in a corner of the room laughing as tears streamed down their faces.
"ANTHONY EDWARD STARK!" pepper shouted, causing the room to fall silent again, the only sound being carlos and harley's giggles. pepper marched towards tony, prying him off of charles, "you will leave that boy alone, sit down, and listen to what your daughter has to say," she turned to look at the crowd in the room, "as for the rest of you, all of you will get out!"
the small army that had been gathered in charles' hotel room quickly ran out, all of them pushing each other to try and get out of the room faster. pepper approached charles and helped him stand up, she quietly led him out of the room as tony sat on the couch.
charles stopped at the door turning around to stare at bianca, before turning to look at pepper, "will she be okay? he won't- he won't hate her, will he? for being with me?"
"oh," pepper quickly realised, "oh no, he won't hate her. tony's just- he has a flair for the dramatic. when it comes to any of his children he's quite over protective," she led charles out of the room without him realising it, "you should've seen him when he found out peter was dating mj."
the father and daughter duo sat quietly, one on the bed and the other on the couch. tony finally turned to look at his daughter, "why him? i don't mean why a driver, why charles? you could have anyone els-"
"i don't want anyone else," bianca cut her father off, "i'm happy with charles."
"bianca, it's charles."
"that's exactly why i want him, because it's charles!" bianca shouted at her father, "the same charles who texts me good morning and good night every day. the same charles who has memorized my coffee order, no matter how complicated it is. the same charles who begs for just a few more minutes of enzo’s cuddles with a giant pout on his face. the same charles who’s been asking me for weeks to tell you about us because he thinks i'm ashamed of him!"
“so why didn’t you?”
“because once i tell you that makes it real and when things are real people get hurt. i don’t want to get hurt, not again.”
“oh tesoro,” tony softly said, rushing to hug his daughter. bianca wrapped her hands around her father, crying as she told her father, “i don’t want to get hurt again.”
they sat there for what felt like hours, but was only minutes, "are you ashamed of him?" tony whispered.
"no dad, i think i love him."
"you think or you know?" tony questioned, "because if you think i'll give him crap for the longest time but if you know, i might learn to accept it. of course, i will give crap sometimes."
bianca looked up at her dad, eyes wide, tears falling from her eyes. tony swore she looked so much like the little girl she once was. the same little girl who cried when she accidentally crushed a worm or who cried watching marley and me. bianca always wore her heart on her sleeve but this it was difficult what she felt.
"oh," bianca whispered, "oh. dad i love him."
"and what are you going to do about it?"
"buy him a dog."
"what?" tony asked, "why would you get him a dog?"
"that's not important dad!"
"okay fine, get him the dog."
"dad," bianca said grabbing her dad's face, "i'm in love, be happier for me!"
"i'm happy for you, but i will pulverize that twink if he ever hurts you."
when i get my hands on you, you're fucking dead osborn.
is that a threat stark? i don't think daddy dearest would love to learn through the media that you're threatening me.
oh i bet you would just love that. but i know how to make you disappear osborn, you're own father would never even question it. don't fucking contact my father ever again.
maybe i should show charles what a psychotic bitch you are
that's psychotic to you? personally i would think it's the giant purple space man who loved shiny rocks but to each their own 🤷🏻♂️ - charles
you're both insane and you deserve each other.
bisous 😘 - charles
daniel ricciardo is he still alive? or did he get killed by tony stark?
lando norris as much as kate would've loved to see that, he's still alive.
max verstappen well as far as we know. when we left the room and he was still alive.
daniel ricciardo YOU PEOPLE JUST LEFT HIM THERE??
daniel ricciardo HE COULD GET PULVERIZED BY IRON MAN?
alex albon not pulverized but he did get called twink repeatedly.
oscar piastri charles got called twink by tony stark?
lando norris it was honestly hilarious.
charles leclerc i lived bitches!
charles leclerc thanks for having fucking confidence in me.
charles leclerc i can still hear you laughing carlos.
carlos sainz the highlight of my career
carlos sainz this was better than winning my home race.
george russell okay as hilarious as it was it wasn't that funny.
carlos sainz george you don't get to have an opinion. shut up.
max verstappen it was pretty funny.
charles leclerc I ALMOST DIED BECAUSE OF IRON MAN!! STOP MAKING FUN OF ME ASSHOLES!
alex albon okay, twink, shut up. it was hilarious.
logan sargeant imagine getting beat up by a man in a coca cola suit.
lando norris why the hell does he get to make fun of the avengers?
logan sargeant I'M AMERICAN BITCHES!!
logan sargeant except for natasha and wanda. i'm actually terrified of them. and nick fury. they are very scary.
oscar piastri he gets special privileges because he's american.
daniel ricciardo i think the avengers might cry when logan gets a podium.
logan sargeant you bitches wish you could be supported by the avengers.
tony stark ALL OF YOU KNEW AND YOU SAID NOTHING??!!
peter parker i didn't know.
harley keener okay, in my defense, she said she would take my lab privileges away and you know how sacred those are to me.
isaiah atkins i just wanted to know how far those two would take it. same goes for seb.
carlos sainz it was funny to watch them scramble each times someone asked who they were dating.
ollie bearman harley kept dropping hints and i put the piece together
arthur leclerc i wanted to see my brother get pulverized by iron man.
sebastian vettel you told me, and i quote, ‘i don’t need her to tell me who it is, i’ll figure it out on my own. i’m a genius like that.’ so i didn’t tell you.
sebastian vettel you can only blame yourself for this anthony.
tony stark STOP! I CAN'T BE BLAMED FOR THIS SEBASTIAN!!
charles leclerc is this a safe space?
tony stark go away you twink.
isaiah atkins tony, you can't call him a twink.
tony stark i can in private. in public it's a different matter.
charles leclerc listen. i can deal with him calling me a twink.
bianca stark-potts father you will be nice to him or so help me i will tell mom.
ollie bearman does this make me their child??
arthur leclerc tony's going to kill him now because he's a grandpa.
harley keener tony, there had to be a reason enzo loved him so much.
tony stark I AM A GENIUS HOW THE HELL DID I NOT PUT THE PUZZLE PICES TOGETHER?
sebastian vettel clearly you're not as smart as you thought you were.
tony stark i can still fire you sebastian.
isaiah atkins do you know how many italians and tifosi you would piss off if that were to happen?
carlos sainz i'd quit.
charles leclerc so would i.
tony stark i could care less about you charles.
bianca stark-potts dad.
tony stark i mean, oh no charles, what would i do if my 1st driver left the team?
isaiah atkins i should've gone to mercedes when i had the chance.
peter parker I KNEW YOU WERE A BLOODY TRAITOR! YOU WOULD WORK FOR TORGER INSTEAD OF US?
isaiah atkins THIS PLACE IS HELL! T
isaiah atkins HE OWNER IS CONSTANTLY CALLING HIS 1ST DRIVER A TWINK! CARLOS IS ALWAYS FLIRTING WITH DEATH (NATASHA)
isaiah atkins AND CHARLES IS DATING BIANCA (SAID OWNER'S DAUGHTER)
isaiah atkins THIS IS HELL FOR ANY PR MANAGER!
joaquin torres PAY THE FUCK UP BITCHES!! I WAS SO RIGHT!!
sam wilson of course she had to go for the silly little monegasque man.
sam wilson YOU COULDN'T GO FOR THE AMERICAN OR A BRIT??
clint barton SHE'S DATING CHARLES?? WHY NOT FERNANDO??
queen shuri and how exactly did you people figure it out?
america chavez osborn told tony, who caused a scene at the hotel.
tony stark i did not cause a scene...
harley keener you called him a twink repeatedly. and threatened to bust out the suit to pulverize him.
scott lang honestly the signs were all there, it's on us if we didn't put them together.
bucky barnes the best part was when bianca nearly gave tony a heart attack by declaring that she was pregnant
tony stark that was not funny barnes
bianca stark-potts oh but the look on your face was hilarious.
america chavez i got excited i thought i was going to be a godmother.
wanda maximoff if anything i would be godmother.
peter parker well who gets to be godfather. it's me right?
kate bishop they have children what are you people talking about?
tony stark WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT BISHOP?
yelena belova she is clearly talking about enzo and oliver. they are bianca and charles children.
harley keener funny, ollie said the same thing earlier.
bianca stark-potts add anthony jr to the list.
joaquin torres wait, are you actually pregnant?
bianca stark-potts look it's anthony jr!
tony stark what kind of ugly rat is that?
natasha romanoff aww he's adorable. is he for charles?
peter parker should i be getting my girlfriend a dog?
wanda maximoff she's an mit college student living on campus. a dog is not a good idea.
peter parker oh, maybe a snake or spider is a a better idea.
carol danvers do we need to remind you of what happened the last time you were near a spider?
cassie lang OH CAN I GET A DOG??
hope van dyne NO!
scott lang no freakin' way.
cassie lang booo!!
harley keener please tell me you were able to convince charles to name the dog anthony jr.
bianca stark-potts i haven't given the puppy to him yet, but i will try my hardest to get him to name the puppy anthony jr just to piss off my dad.
tony stark this is why i'll never like your boyfriend
steve rogers he's leading the championship and he is part of the reason why ferrari is constructor's champion. cut the guy some slack.
yelena belova so who won the bet?
wanda maximoff joaquin.
joaquin torres ALL OF YOU THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY! BUT I WAS FUCKING RIGHT!!
sam wilson he's never going to let this go. ever.
bucky barnes oh good. and i have a mission with him next week. i'm going to suffer.
america chavez i just don't think it's unfair that i wasn't allowed to bet
riri williams you knew who it was!
america chavez i still would've loved to win some money riri!
stephen strange this. this is my personal hell.
may parker so tony finally figured out who bianca was dating?
tony stark WAS THERE ANYONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW?!?!?!
happy hogan i didn't know
james rhodes i didn't think she was dating charles. i was confident it was lando.
peter parker i also didn't know.
may parker what gave it away was the monaco post.
tony stark HOW THE FUCK DID I NOT SEE IT COMING??
pepper potts tony, he's exactly her type. i don't know how you didn't see this coming from the start.
tony stark I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD HAPPEN!
bianca stark-potts dad, you said you would stop being so dramatic.
tony stark i said i wouldn't give charles anymore shit. i never agreed to stop being dramatic.
tony stark my oldest daughter is dating a driver. i'm allowed to be dramatic.
harley keener that was the highlight of my day. best choice i've ever made working for ferrari.
harley keener i've never seen tony turn that shade of red. it was glorious.
tony stark i'm telling nebula.
bianca stark-potts YOU ARE NOT TELLING YOU ASSASIN ALIEN DAUGHTER ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND! IT'S BAD ENOUGH NAT AND WANDA BROKE INTO HIS APARTMENT
tony stark NATASHA KNEW BEFORE ME? THAT'S BETRAYAL BIANCA!
tony stark i can be a dick to him all i want and no one can complain.
pepper potts anthony stark, you will be nice to that boy or so help me.
pepper potts he's a good kid and it could literally be worse. so please. shut up about it already.
tony stark but pepper
pepper potts anthony, that boy was terrified you would be upset with bianca for dating him. as i said, he's a good kid, stop worrying.
may parker well, i managed to get time off for texas so i expect to meet the boy there.
james rhodes pepper's right, it could be worse, she could be back with harry.
happy hogan you do realize this is the exact reason she never told you.
tony stark all of you are against me.
bianca stark-potts you're so dramatic dad. this is why i didn't tell you in the first place.
i may have done something rash and i need your help.
once, again. i am not helping you hide harry's body if you've killed him. i wouldn't survive in jail.
he's still alive.
unfortunately.
okay, so what did you do? and does it involve anything illegal?
why do you automatically assume i did something illegal? i can do things legally!
well did you do something illegal? also, i’ve met harley
well between us harley is the idiot not me. he’s the one who decided it was a genius idea to send peter after the former us president.
bianca, what did you do?
i got another dog. he's so little that i'm afraid enzo might crush him.
mon chou, he's adorable but what does that have to do with me?
do you want him? if you can't then i'll give him to someone else or even morgan.
she's been asking dad for a dog. apparently the llamas aren't enough for her. it also doesn't help that kate has pizza dog.
kate named her dog pizza dog?
his name is lucky but he loves pizza so we call him pizza dog.
CAN I HAVE HIM?
okay, here's the truth, he was originally he was for you but i chickened out so i told you a lie.
oh mon dieu. i get a puppy??
oh i could seriously tell you i love you right about now.
do it.
i dare you.
i will. i swear.
liked by biancastark_potts, michellejones, cassie_lang and others
charles_leclerc the best present i could ever receive.
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username now who gave you that dog mr.eclair?
↳ username i think the better question is who's hand is that mr. eclair?
username HE'S A DOG DAD GUYS!!
maxverstappen1 cats are still better. make sure your girlfriend knows that.
↳ charles_leclerc she wants me to let you know that you're wrong. she's ready to fight you.
↳ maxverstappen1 tell her we'll settle this on the track in baku.
↳ harleykeener LMFAO!! YOU'RE GONNA LOSE VERSTAPPEN!! YOU SHOULD BE USED TO THAT BY NOW!!
username oh how cute 🥰
username charles leclerc becoming a dog dad in 2024 was not on my bingo card but it is so fucking adorable.
harryosborn hmm. seems familiar
↳ biancastark_potts i will fucking drop kick you osborn.
↳ peterparker i will tie you to the red bull garage. i learned that threat from isaiah!
↳ harleykeener i will send the cavalry after you bitch. fuck off.
cassie_lang oh do tell what is the adorable pooch's name.
↳ charles_leclerc undecided, it's all depending on how much i want to live.
↳ tonystark leclerc i swear to god.
landonorris you win the constructors championship and your girlfriend gets you a dog. it's not fair, i want a dog.
↳ alex_albon then go adopt one lando
↳ landonorris it's not the same alex.
michellejones i've been informed of what the calvary planned. i vote you name him leo anthony, to upset tony.
↳ charles_leclerc it's not like he can kill me without being the main suspect. leo anthony it is.
↳ joaquintorres THE CALVARY WINS!
↳ tonystark if charles goes missing, it wasn't me.
↳ pepperpotts anthony. behave.
↳ tonystark yes ma'am
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¡leclerc-s speaks!
i love just randomly throwing in taylor swift references.
¡disclaimer!
this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!
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So if Wukong didn't know MK was playing superhero, why was he able to be caught by Spider Queen? The answer is clear. He took the younger cubs down to see the parade. That way, he could be closer to the fireworks, and his kids are entertained. He ended up being caught up in the initial attack and discovered MK playing hero while trying to evacuate the cubs away from the angry spider lady trying to turn people into spider zombies.
Wukong is not happy, but at this point there are far more important things to deal with. He orders MK to get his siblings somewhere safe while he handles Spider Queen. When MK protests, he tells him that MK's arachnophobia would only get in the way, and he is still Sun Wukong, the gods be damned Great Sage Equal To Heaven and the Monkey King. He isn't so far into his retirement that he can't put an upstart little princess in her place.
The plan backfires and Wukong gets captured by LBD and Spider Queen, of course, but hey, the Noodle Crew gets to meet MK's siblings! Sandy babysits them while they're in Heaven trying to get the stuff. All they know of it is that MK's mom was caught by the Spider Queen, they don't know yet exactly who his parent is. Not until much later when Wukong and DBK break out of their bonds and save them.
"Holy shit, is that Sun Wukong!?" ;Probably Tang
"Mom!" :MK
"MOM!?" :Literally eveyone
After all is said and dine Wukong makes good on his promise of a long talk, or rather lecture, and MK is grounded.
"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD BE SO RECKLESS! Xiaotian, your father an I taught you better than this! What were you thinking!?"
"But when you were my age you were at war with Heaven, though!"
"And look what that got me! Thrown in a furnace and pinned under a mountain for 500 years! What you did was stupid and reckless. What if you'd gotten hurt!? Your still mortal, MK!"
Referencing.
Yesss. Wukong canonically adores New Years, and I def agree that love extends to the cubs too.
Wukong does a "surprise" visit to Megapolis to show the younger cubs the New Years Parade + check up on his eldest while MK is helping Pigsy with the foodtruck. Likely all in glamours, but MK 100% gets an embarassing visit from his mom at work. The Noodle shop gang tease him endlessly about it.
Then cue the Spider Queen's invasion, and Wukong giving MK the cubs to watch for the moment while he Kings Up. MK doesn't want his mom to go in his condition, but Wukong is still The Monkey King, and has no idea that his son has been superhero-ing for the past couple of months.
The gang all meet up on Sandy's airship, and the kiddos glamours all drop from stress. This is where the gang confirms (they had suspiscions) that MK is a disguised demon - they dont mind since thats sadly common in human-dominated cities. MK specifically being a monkey demon gets Tang asking questions though.
Red Son shows up and has a brain-fart mid-plan when he recognises who "Noodle Boy" actually is;
Red Son: "Xiaotian!? I haven't seen you since we were calves! This explains so much!"
MK, nervous sweating: "Not now dude! My mom got captured by the Spider Queen, and my dad is MIA right now."
Red Son: "Ah but of course. Seems we have the same predicament then. No fear, I have a plan to defeat the Spider Queen and save our respective parents."
Tang, panic-nerding: "MK, how do you know Red Son!?"
MK, flash of SWK-esque anger: "NOT NOW."
The gang get to the Celestial Realm and retrieve what they need to make the antidote - though not without attracting the attention of a certain hound that just realised her fave monkey is here.
MK, petting the dog: "I'm sorry Quan. I can't play right now! I'm saving the city."
Xiaotian Quan: (*sad whine!*)
Meanwhile at the Spider Mech; DBK has finally met his little brother/enemy once again. DBK in his anger, yells about Sun Wukong's "little-thief successor MK" ruining so many of his family's attempts at gaining power, and Wukong just blanks;
Wukong, scary parent voice: "Xiaotian has been doing what!?"
DBK: "The Little Thief is Xiaotian!?"
DBK would also shout at Wukong for putting himself in danger in his condition, but quiets when he learns that Macaque is missing. Tieshan had seemed worried since DBK got back (infact, maybe its why she decided to free him), and everyone knows that the shadow monkey wouldn't leave his mate without reason. When LBD arrives, DBK and Wukong immediate get a chill up their spines. They both know that she's somehow involved with Mac's disappearance... DBK has his super-saiyan moment of worried-anger and frees both himself and his xiandi so that they can find their reckless kids.
The Noodle Shop gang (+ Red Son and the cubs) bust on through with the spider-venom antidote and manage to subdue the Spider Queen with their combined forces.
Tang is about to fanboy at the sight of Sun Wukong in the flesh when MK and the cubs yell something that shatters his preconceptions.
MK & the cubs: "Mom!" "Mama!"
Noodle Shop Gang: "MOM?!?"
Wukong, swarmed by baby monkeys: "Thank Nuwa you're all ok!" (*hugs them all tight*)
Wukong: (*suddenly bonks MK on head with a sandal*)
Wukong: "And you! How dare you not tell me that you've been fighting demons this whole time! You told me you were only getting a job for mortal experience!"
MK: "But mom! I did get a job! I've been using my spare time trying to figure out what happened to dad!"
Wukong: "Which I specifically told you Not to do!! Your father has gotten himself tangled up with a very dangerous witch and I'm not letting you run into one of her traps!"
Noddle Shop Gang + DB fam: (*standing at a safe distance from the yelling*)
Tang, dizzy with excitement: "Anyone else feel like they're in a fantasy right now?"
Mei: "Hm, not really. I knew Xiaotian since we were pups. My grunkle Ao Lie is the same dragon-horse from the stories."
Tang: "Excuse me!?"
Erlang shows up on Earth asking Wukong tf just happened - his third eye showed him the chaos in the Celestial Realm and Lao Tzu is pissed for his missing pills and Furnace. But he immediately leaves when he sees tje carnage of a saved mortal city + Sun Wukong. (Erlang: "Ah. Say no more.")
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Auditor, Phobos, 2BDamned and Sanford with a reader that overworks themselves. Prioritizing work over mental and physical health, pushing themselves to their breaking point, skipping meals and only getting a few hours of sleep. I just need these four in particular to tell me to take care of myself and care about me argggh
Overworked reader
Audi, Phobos, Doc, Sanford
CW: bit of a mental spiral on San's end, ends well tho.
Burnouts a bitch man, don't wear yourself thin over shit, y'hear?
Auditor
"Are the chef's meals not to your liking?" You nearly jumped out of your seat when Auditor's ghostly whisper filled your ear. Casting your aching, tired eyes from your paperwork at the once hot meal, still arranged with care on the plate, completely untouched from the moment it left the kitchen.
"Oh, no. Of course not. They're good, don't worry." You offered him a weak smile. "I'll have it later, I just need to finish this up." Audi's eyes narrowed as you gestured meekly to your desk, piled high with reports, cloning records, casualty tallies, and other such boring admin work.
"It's cold." He grumbled, spinning your chair to face him, hands on his hips. "You're going to really hurt yourself and burn out if you keep pulling these awkward hours. Don't think I haven't noticed you slipping from our bed to come back to this. Did you forget how light a sleeper I am?"
Audi's stern demeanour dropped as your features fell, already feeling low because of how your body was struggling, now having your boss/lover add to that. "I just need to be able to keep up with you. What use am I really if I can't handle a fraction of the work you do?"
His hand rested under your chin, thumb delicately stroking your cheek. "You could never keep up with me, my flame, I was made to handle this. You're just a delicate mortal, you do more than enough without stressing yourself trying to level with me. Allow me to finish this later, mea vita, you are going to get a hot, fresh meal while I draw a bath for us, and after you will get the rest your body needs. That's an order, from your employer, understood?"
"Yes, but-"
He cut you off. "No 'ifs, ands, or buts,' You are going to hurt yourself, and I refuse to allow anyone to hurt you, even self inflicted pain. I, as your partner and boss, will clear this burden for you. When I asked for your best, I meant the best you can consistently handle, not this. You're not yourself, and I command you seek out that old self that I fell for and bring them back to me instantly."
Phobos
Being the director's lover had essentially no downsides, nobody spoke a bad word around you, people helped you far more than before, not to mention the adoration of the most powerful figure in the physical realm. However, that same man would often breathe down your neck, commanding you to stay by his side constantly.
Phobos relished in you, watching you, listening to you, being around you. He wished to be adored equally in return, however your work proved to be a distraction from him. He was... a tad obsessive, but how could he not be? He's a god, it was only right you'd devote yourself to him and him alone.
"Leave that alone will you? Your god requires your attention." A large clawed hand rested on your shoulder, the other pulling down his bandages from his mouth. "Your recent neglect of me is not going unnoticed, dear."
You rubbed your aching eyes, staring at a computer screen all day and most of the night irritated them. "I'm sorry Bo, but there's a lot of work that needs reviewing, I've got weeks of backlog to go through, and Christoff, Crackpot and Gonne have all submitted new reports today with pages and pages of intel to go through."
His hands wrapped around your middle, he lifted you up and took your place on the chair, resting you in his far more comfortable lap. "Bah, they're not worthy of your time. I'll command someone else to do it, the short fat one, whatever his name is. He enjoys paperwork and the like."
"Hofnarr is no doubt as swamped as I am." He took your face in one of his hands, his cracked and damaged lips pressing against your cheek.
"Someone else then, if it pleases you. Whatever it takes for you to spend time with me." You leaned into him, your back pressing against his chest, and he emitted a deep purr. "I am a god amongst men, dear, I don't beg for what I desire. I take it. And yet I allow you this honour. So please..."
Your stomach rumbled against his hand. "Harumph! Neglecting yourself as much as you've neglected me?! How dare you, enough is enough. I command you take care of yourself!" Phobos picked you up with ease, holding you level to his eye. To anyone else, he'd be holding them by their collar, or neck to meet his gaze, but with you, he was softer. A hand under your rump and the other on your back, supporting your weight comfortably.
"You are the lover of a god, think how pitiful it would look if I can't even take care of my equal? You stand above others, the right hand of my throne. Your duties have changed, lesser beings will take charge of them. Your only priorities are yourself and me, and the family we will create." Phobos snapped his fingers, and one of the guards at the door came forward.
"See to it that the chefs prepare your God's favourites, find someone to take their duties on and allow them to be truly indulged as they should be." Phobos looked back to you, his eye narrowing. "I will tear this world asunder for you, and build it up as you desire. I will give you anything your heart pines for, never again shall you be run ragged like this."
Phobos was self assured, a god of the highest order, surrounded by weaker, lesser beings. And yet here he was, begging at your altar. He wished you'd devote yourself equally to worshipping you as he did, and he would make damn sure that happened.
2BDamned
3 AM. Doc was in the kitchen, boiling some water over the stove. Hank has smashed the coffee maker earlier in the day, said he'd accidentally dropped the thing, yet couldn't explain the crowbar in his hands. Doc gritted his teeth, damn Wimbleton, making his hard job harder with their stupid thoughtless actions.
He had no doubt the fool had burned themselves on the machine and gone overboard against the poor helpless thing in revenge. Now here he stood, using the stove to make both his coffee and his snack. Instant noodles, his saving grace in the world. Easy to prepare, quick to eat, and filling.
With bleary, tired eyes, you wandered into the dim kitchen, hearing Doc grumbling to himself about 'Getting that moron to find another working machine or he'll have his spine inserted upside down next time.'
"Hey sweetheart." Yawning and setting your tablet down, you wrapped your arms around his midriff and leaned your face into his back. One hand pulled way from the stove, running down your arm before resting atop your hand, feeling the ring around your finger.
"You should be asleep, love." Doc murmured, his animosity towards Hank gone in the wind. You inhaled deeply, basking in his familiar scent.
"I could say the same to you, Kyle." He let out a soft 'Hm.', agreeing without agreeing. You were right, of course. "Debugging with Dei was going well, till he nodded off. San came by on one of his usual bathroom breaks and picked him up."
Doc poured the water into his noodle cup. "You want some coffee?" He took your favourite mug out of the cupboard.
"I thought you wanted me to sleep." You teased tiredly.
"You're my spouse. I know you well enough to know that's not gonna happen anytime soon, even if I would like it if you did." He tossed some powdered milk into the cups along with the beans. "We don't have any sugar left I'm afraid, or sweetener. It's become so scarce these days. Ration packages can't even supply a tiny packet anymore."
"I can get sugar anytime I've got you around." Doc smiled and turned off the hob, turning around to pull you into his arms. "Can I get some now?"
As far as you two were concerned, nothing else existed, everything except what was in both your arms was null and void. He tilted his head down slightly, lips catching yours softly. Butterflies fluttered in your tummy, they flared up every time your husband kissed you.
You rested your head on his chest, it was rare you two had a truly private moment together, as much as you both tried. Being enemies of the state was hard work, who'd have thought?
"You should really lay down dear." Your eyes fluttered open, and you looked up to him. You hadn't even realised you'd started dozing off in his arms.
"No, I've got work to do." You yawned, and Doc chuckled softly.
"You're really stubborn sometimes, you know that?" He picked up both coffees and his noodles. "Tell you what, grab your tablet and we can get cosy in bed together. Work can wait until later, I think we've overdue some private couple time."
Nestled in the crook of Doc's arm felt like the safest place in the world, even with coffee in your system, you couldn't help but fall asleep with him. Trust and love deep rooted, he was your sanctuary.
And damn it, he was going to get you into a healthier sleep routine.
Sanford
It'd been a couple weeks since you'd seen Ford, Doc had sent him off on recon work with Deimos and a splinter group from a faction allied with the SQ, they'd been on the other side of Nevada having heard whispering of something dangerous settling out there.
Two weeks of silence left you anxious, pacing around often, skipping meals and staying up into the early hours of the morning. Longing makes the heart sick, and a sick heart makes the body weak.
The only think you could do to keep your mind occupied was cleaning out the gun stash, checking over the stocked rounds repeatedly, despite the numbers never changing, cleaning already dirt and grime free steel.
A scrubbing brush in hand, you scraped at one of the many swords Hank had salvaged, violently jolting the bristles back and forth over either rust, or really crusted on blood just above the hilt.
Doc usually kept you in the loop of long jobs, sometimes you'd even be in walkie talkie range of your partner and could hear his voice. He could be hurt, he could be dead, you'd be none the wiser, and that was maddening.
Of course you weren't needy and dependant on him, that'd be too much, but just a sign he was okay would've been enough to give you peace of mind. It's the not knowing that drove you to dark places.
Bang!
You jumped in your seat as the front door slammed. "Baby, you here? I'm back." Dropping the blade, you got to you feet and rushed to the door.
"Sanford, you're okay?!" You leaped into his arms, and he caught you easily. Oh sweet security, your world had come home to you safely.
"Yeah babe," San leaned back slightly to get a good look at you, his loving gaze turning to concern. "uh, hope you don't mind me sayin' doll/stud, but you look like hell." His hands brushed over your hair. "...When did you last shower?"
Suddenly you felt rather embarrassed, it'd been a.... couple days at least. Probably about a week since you'd stopped properly taking care of yourself. Swapping meals out for multiple junk snacks, a fucked up sleeping schedule consisting of occasional naps but mostly anxious pacing and activity.
"Uhm..." That was an answer enough for him.
"Baby," Sanford rubbed his cheek, clearing off some dust from his face. "you need to take care of yourself." He sighed and took off his sunglasses. "Have you even been eating properly?"
You didn't meet his gaze. "Okay. Tell you what," He took off his dirty tank top and tossed it aside. "I'll pull out something from the freezer, shove it in the oven while we get a nice shower, and then we can eat and get some rest." Just being near him, hearing his melodic voice again was enough to bring you to a sense of normalcy.
Sanford was fine, he was alive, he was here.
"Things have just been a bit... off without you." You sighed, clinging to his frame, almost afraid if you let him go, he'd run off for another two weeks, or longer. "Sorry, it's just been a lot to deal with, not knowing where you were, if you were safe... It's been hard."
"I get it. I do, I really do," Sanford had his own experiences with deep depression, despite being the large stoic type, the horrors of war, what he and his friends had to do to get an advantage against everything haunted him. "fight, flight, freeze is a real thing, but you can't just shut down baby. You gotta keep fightin, keep yourself in good shape 'cause it's a scary world out there."
"I know. It's easier said than done though." Sanford pulled out a tray of his legendary frozen mac n cheese, you hadn't checked the freezer since he'd left, otherwise that would've been long gone. You didn't know how he did it, but it was godly each time he made it.
"I get that." He shoved the tray into the oven, flicking switches to heat up the frozen dish. "You gotta change how you think, baby." You watched him take off his bandanna, revealing his hair. Or lack thereof.
"You shaved your head?" Usually he'd grow out his hair, style it into long locs and keep them tied back and under his bandanna, but once in a blue moon he'd get bored of maintaining them, and shave it off to start again.
Sanford ran a hand over his scalp, feeling the small curls starting to reappear. "Yeah, easier than trying to keep it clean out there. Dusty as hell." His hands came to rest on your shoulders, turning you to the bathroom. "No bother, I've got your hair to care for now. I'mma spoil you rotten."
Years of caring for his baby siblings had taught the beefcake that just telling someone what to do usually didn't help, but doing it along side them helped solidify the action. He'd help you get cleaned up, get back to eating proper food and getting proper sleep.
He needed to fall into the routine too, sleeping rough in trucks was a pain in his back, and access to his comfy old bed would do him wonders to getting decent sleep again. A full belly and his favourite person in the entire world cuddling into his pecs definitely helped too.
Yes, he needed this just as much as you did.
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