#they dont appreciate you there either youre fucking disposable

[pega-chan]

not to be like nationalistic or whatever but you can want to "escape" your country to live abroad bc you think it's better without generalizing the country, its government, the people, culture, etc. as an overall bad place and incapable of getting better

#pegapersonal #so so sick of wni trashing indonesia and lifting up other countries as automatically better just bc they hate certain parts of indo #literally fucking shut up shut up right now. #klo mau jadi wna or whatever silahkan but you odnt get to have a superiority complex over it and think indonesia is gonna be horrible #for all time #banyak negara di luar negeri juga ada kekurangannya. dont worship where you 'escape to' so blindly #'it looks like they appreciate you more abroad' do they or are you just being exploited bc youre from a developing country? please bffr #you cant look me in the eye and seriously expect me to believe america is a better prospect than here #they dont appreciate you there either youre fucking disposable #this is like coming from an indo tck who's grown up in first world countries btw #yall are so allergic to believing in progress #i know maybe certain countries abroad are better places to live but we are not the worst country on the planet #just stop generalizing is my stance on the matter

[afunfunkytime]

fack you, go drink water- the northeast

so, my friends, i was given a request relating to the northeastern 'family' dynamics (@h4ndz4ey4z (: i hope this is what you wanted)

so the northeast fights. a lot. the longest time without a fight between them is under two hours.

however.

they care about each other<3

they refuse to act like it but they notice little things about each other, picking up on each others moods and tells for what's going on. they usually never acknowledge this but they know the others know

maine has his life pulled together the most and as the leader of the northeast, he is unofficially dad and thus ensures everybody drinks water and eats food

definitely has a few sneaky lobster rolls hidden on his person just to ensure his definitely not friends consume food

connecticut is a little bit of a workaholic, he likes to pretend he's put together but this man chugs red bulls hunched over a desk at 4:38AM with no intention of going to sleep. whenever he's caught doing this he is DRAGGED into bed, usually by new york because he's also definitely awake- butthatsinsomniaandhesNOTahypocrite,cut

vermont and new hampshire like to just take care of each other. theyre either best friends or boyfriends but hold hands regardless. they notice when the other is stressed immediately. louis and florida wish they were this in sync. they go camping together and cuddle under the stars until the stress is gone. new hampshire is serious about living free or dying, he refuses to be anything but free. vermont is not so chill but that's okay, kissies fix everything.

new jersey and rhode are highkey lowkey besties. both have anger issues and take it out with baseball bats and old furniture in the middle of nowhere. talking about your feelings is overrated in their humble opinions, breaking shit is absolutely not. fuck up your enemies. theyre aggressive homies, refuse to hug but they are always there to work shit out with each other.

massachusetts will fucking make you drink water. he will. nobody kills you but him. he'll help with northeastern states paperwork when theyre stressed, hes a nerd and uses it well. also wont hug but he gives angry helpful advice. "if hes facking breaking your heart, facking break his kneecaps. or break up. i dont facking care, ill just facking dispose the body" definitely committed several crimes for the sake of his absolutely not friends

PA is like the only northeastern state who will hug the others. not often enough for it to be a thing, they all think each other are all sewer rats, but he'll do it if they need it. his pockets are filled with snacks because he knows these hoes don't eat, and chocolate makes massachusetts slightly more tolerable. florida doesnt call him papa just because of his abbreviation, PA has a habit of giving dad lectures to the rest of the northeast. has called rhode 'kiddo' more than once.

new york totally hates them. definitely. absolutely doesn't shove water bottles into their hands and go out of his way to get them pizza from their states. he'd never dream of buying mass dunks when he's hungover. would rather die than make new jersey go to sleep when he catches him up at 2am watching vampire diaries. he says as he does all of these things. big softie, they are his rats.

mary and delaware are honourary northeastern states (apparently they are in the south which is bullshit in my humble opinion). mary is that wine mom that straightens up their clothes and lets them angrily vent whilst he watches golden girls. goes fishing with maine whenever both feel cooped up in the statehouse. can pinch rhode islands cheeks without being bitten. delaware is less affectionate but as the oldest state he feels he should take a kind of responsibility over his horrible little 'children'. he checks in on them every day, kinda like the 'are ya winning son?' guy. particularly likes doing paperwork in silence with connecticut. appreciates presence, not words. words are for losers.

TLDR: rats with anger issues care about each other

mwah congrats if you read this whole thing

#ben brainard #welcome to the statehouse #welcome to the table #wttsh #wttt #the table #the northeast are all rats and i love them #however i do not know them very well</3 #i hope this is not garbage #mary wine mom is my favourite thing and no i will not drop it #fack you go drink water #eat food dumbass

[yank-a-ton]

I know there's no canon ending but what was your motivation in picking B? I feel like both A and B are possible for different reasons and depending on how the player interprets Franklin's relationships and loyalties. I really love the other endings for all the implications and possibilities there is and it's a shame that C overshadows them because it's the Vaguely Happy Ending.

aw man. To me B felt like the choice Franklin would make. Get ready for a long one because I have a lot to say

Here's some of the bigger examples:

Michael is his mentor, he looks up to him a lot. He introduced him to an entirely different world of crime and pushed him to become something great. He admires him and he'll always be appreciative of the things he was taught. He's a role-model in a lot of ways.

But throughout the story Michael does little things to let him down. Shows his true colors a bit. I think that'd influence Franklin's final decision.

When Devin withholds the payment for the cars, Franklin asks Michael for help. Michael is dismissive at first (kinda understandable, the meathook incident just happened, i'd be dismissive in that moment too lol) but eventually says "i've got this other deal with Weston, down at the film studio. So we gotta wait for that to play out before I got any leverage over your deal". There's no leverage to be had by being a producer at majestic. Mikey has his dream job, and he wont jeopardize that opportunity. He frankly doesnt care if Franklin gets paid, because It's not his problem. It's invested. it'll work out.

In the fireman approach to the FIB heist, Franklin gets knocked out. He wakes up alone, M and the team already gone. Michael calls him over the coms relieved he's okay, telling him to meet up. Micheal had the mission on his mind and decided Franklin was either already dead, or would maybe meet up with them later. Which I understand for a random heist member, he tends to not care when they die (The helicopter crash in the obvious approach to The Big One is a good example. Trevor is upset with Mike "You dont even realize the people you employed are dead" and all Michael can say is "and the metal?" only concerned about the lost gold.) For him to treat Franklin the same way, as someone disposable, that's gotta stick with a guy. Especially after everything Franklin has done for Micheal.

And the Coup de Grace imo. Franklin has a front row seat to how Mike treats Trevor. Trevor is loyal and honest. He views M as his best friend, even after everything they've been through. Franklin knows this. At every turn Michael tells Franklin that T is a monster, that he'll do something awful eventually. Kill either of them.

After the Fresh Meat mission, Franklin asks Michael what happened in Ludendorf. Michael is cagey, tries to get out of the conversation. He's trying to protect himself. "We're up in North Yankton, right? And he goes off on one. He's about to kill me Franklin." or the alternate dialogue "Ah shit. We're up there and Trevor freaks the fuck out. He was about to kill me, Franklin" which we all know is not how it went down. They get to Mike's house and Franklin asks about Brad. About everything that happened to make Michael and Trevor so unstable when it comes to each other. Mike doesn't give him a solid answer. His answers are vague. "I made a judgment call. I dont know if it was the right one. I did what I thought I had to do" is about all he gets out of him. Franklin telling him "Man, you burned every motherfucker you've ever known."

Frank was with Trevor right before Fresh Meat. He saw how fucked up whatever happened in Yankton made him. He's prone to anger and outbursts, but his behavior after coming back is a whole other level of hatred and hurt. Michael refusing to tell Franklin what happened is suspicious as all hell.

In the end I think all these little things would add up. How can you trust a guy so willing to burn every person he comes across. People that would die for him, do anything for him. He sold out his best friend to the FIB. He ignores Franklin when it doesn't work in his favor. He lies and lies and lies.

Who's to say he wont turn on Franklin too?

#I could go on about why I think he wouldn't choose Trevor too #but this is already so long holy shit #thanks for this ask i was so excited to receive it #this is something im like. agh. i love it #ending c i think is canon bc of the online dlc and i'm really happy it is #but ending b i think is the most realistic #talkaton #and i mean a TON fuck me #i keep having to stop myself from going back and adding more lol

[zeldahime]

r/Relationship_Advice

this is my gift to @omgpurplefattie​ for the Eat Rocks,Troll! Xiyao exchange! The ao3 link will be in the first reblog, and a transcript can be found under the readmore!

r/Relationship_Advice

Trying to Make Sworn Brotherhood Work - posted by u/throwRAthirdbrother

This is an unusual situation, but I really want to make this work.

Me (20M), my close friend Blue (20M), and his friend & my former boss Green (22M) swore ourselves to each other in a sacred ceremony to bring our families closer together. I went into this hoping that it would bring the three of us closer together too -- Green and I had a bit of a spat about two years ago, and he still harbors resentment from the incident. 

Green still sometimes treats me like I'm his employee, while also expecting me to be able to reverse my father's decisions. My relationship with my father is complex and I won't get into it, but suffice to say Green should know I have no influence over what he or his company does. Regardless, it's best to appease him. Green has a disorder that makes emotional regulation difficult; even with his medication, he is prone to fits of rage or paranoia, which often cast me as the "bad guy." I know that based on just this information, many of you will tell me to dump him; that is not an option I want to pursue at the moment. I want to explore every option to overcome our problems, not dispose of them.

This situation is putting pressure on my relationship with Blue as well -- he's a wonderful, kind, generous man who I admire greatly, and I don't wish for all our time together to be spent talking about Green. Currently, he is teaching me the qin, and how to play the song Green's psychiatrist has recommended playing to help calm him; it is going well, and I wish to continue these lessons once I have learned the song. However -- we're both very busy, and have limited time together. I'm afraid that when all our interactions revolve around Green, I am not as able to savor it as much as I would like. 

I seek advice about how to better manage Green, so that his fits do not escalate, and to repair our relationship. I truly do want to come to a better place with him, where we can interact on a more even footing; in the meantime, I need to remain safe. If anyone has been in a similar situation, I welcome your guidance especially. 

Thank you very much in advance.

Replies: u/AnOriginalCharacter: okay question: are you married to them? it sounds like you're married to them. anyway. you should probably divorce green. 

u/TheManWithTheFan: SAN-GE! dont worry i wont tell da-ge ;) but hes being a big jerk about the whole xue yang thing & probably give him a day or two to calm down before you come back to our house? anyway. hed be a lot calmer if you just kissed him i think. ill give him some books to explain his Big Emotions (in his heart, and other places). and dont worry about er-ge! hes definitely going to keep giving you.... "private lessons" wink wink

u/throwRAthirdbrother: Don't you dare.

u/TheManWithTheFan: ;) ;) ;)

u/throwRAthirdbrother: You already gave him the books, didn't you.

u/JiangYanli: This is certainly a complicated situation! DH's brother is going through something similar. I think a good first step would be to sit down with Green and have a conversation about the incident from two years ago -- and crucially, to apologize for whatever parts of it caused the most hurt. I know that is the hardest part, but it also needs to happen in order for your relationship to begin to heal. I also hope that you know that your friends and family are there to support you -- don't hesitate to reach out to them! I would be honored if my BIL trusted me enough to ask for my help, and I am sure there are people in your life for whom this is true as well. Best wishes, Yanli.

u/throwRAthirdbrother: Thank you for your advice. I am sure your brother-in-law appreciates your kindness. ^_^

u/Xiyao_troll:  YTA for letting a toxic relationship go on for so long. You should break up with both of them before everything inevitably collapses, move away, and never talk to either of them again so that they can both move on. Maybe marry a nice girl who isn't your half sister.

u/yiling-laozu: wrong sub, fuck off

u/AnOriginalCharacter: woah dude harsh??? just because him and green don't get along doesn't mean he needs to burn everything to the ground smdh. & what are you talking about with the sister thing? he literally did not mention any girls at all?

u/yiling-laozu: oh shit dude! i'm going through the same thing kind of, like the guy i'm in love with hates my guts, so anyway i solved this issue by moving to the outskirts of a village in the middle of nowhere and not answering my phone for five months. it's kind of miserable to eat nothing but top ramen while we wait for our vegetable harvest but you know what, it's better than seeing him every day knowing he hates me? i don't recommend it but i don't not recommend it ykwim

u/throwRAthirdbrother: Our situations are not the same at all.

#omgpurplefattie #eat rocks troll #xiyao #3zun #the venerated triad #jin guangyao #meng yao #jgy #my writing #cql #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #mdzs

[crusty]

Bro how did you start out animating? I want to start doing animation and I really admire you. Like what are things you wish you knew earlier or some cool tricks idk you’re awesome

I got flipnote studio for the dsi back in 2008.... I was maybe 10 or so... and just. Got hooked on it 🥺🥺 it took me around 5 years to figure out the program and in that time I improved my art drastically and took animation and digital media classes offered at my high school (thank god) which allowed me to learn photoshop and adobe flash (now adobe animate), which I was able to learn quickly bc of my experience with flipnote, which is a very simple animation program. I took classes for maybe 3 years or so before I graduated high school and enrolled in an animation program in college, and I was able to learn more about the history of animation, the process of pitching, storyboarding, psychology of compositions, adobe animate/after effects, and 3d max... I dropped out of this program due to my mental health getting really bad, but now that I'm in a much better place I've been thinking about getting back into it!

I definitely am not full on professional level yet, but I do have a healthy amount of experience with programs, and animating just comes naturally to me! Thank you so much for appreciating my skillz 🥺🥺 sadly due to work and time restraints I'm not able to put my true skills out there bc. Well. Animating is.. a lot.

There are many tools and websites online as well as classes that can get you started with learning Adobe Animate/Photoshop/After Effects and Encoder, which are all great programs for beginners!! You can either purchase the software (which. I do not recommend its horribly expensive even with student discount) or you can.... acquire the software through.. totally Legal means :))

Once you get started with it I would recommend watching as many flash tutorials as you can on youtube, theres SO MUCH SHIT at your disposal guys. Like. Wow. HOLY fuck??

I am currently learning how to use TV Paint, which is a more professional software with a lot more shit than flash, however it is not a vector based software! It is a raster or bitmap based software, similar to photoshop, which means you dont get cool and handy infinite scaling, bezier curves, etc all the cool line editing shit you can do in most vector based programs like Clip Studio provides or Adobe Illustrator.

As for Flash/Animate tips and tricks..... I like to do the shitty line bubbling/boiling technique for certain scenes, which basically calls for whatever character or object I'm animating to be made into a symbol, set it as a Graphic, and then double clicking the symbol to get into its personal animation timeline, extend the frames about 3 times and set each one as a keyframe without deleting the whole image, select the entire image with a marquee tool and click a little button at the very bottom of your tool bar called SMOOTHING (it's got a lil squiggly line 😌) On the first keyframe, leave the image how it was, second keyframe SMOOTH IT, and the third keyframe SMOOTH IT a few times.... playing the symbol now you will get... a shitty boiling effect..... that plays automatically for every instance of the symbol :) it's how lazy asses cheat animation LOL

ALSO TWEENING IS YOUR FRIEND.... I've seen people use it seriously and not as a joke (like I do) but got. When you just need to shit a piece out. Tweens got your back...

Anyways I hope this was somewhat informative, if you guys actually care about this I may consider making some kinda Animation tutorial video ?? Maybe...

#crustybabbles #animation tutorial #long post

[mousehole5000]

tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...

okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....

honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)

mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh

“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood

“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!

“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you

okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.

BOOK 4!!!! im scared

“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(

“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad

wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...

“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping

i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......

“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious

i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....

“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!

“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts

“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind

but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....

“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” -  i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol

“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad

oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day

“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all

god..... this is just... a sad time....

“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it

white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...

“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;

“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc

“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin

“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!

the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!

“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going

“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry

“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............

“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is

“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child

“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with

“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF

okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now

#half of my commentary is just me going wow im sad!! this is sad!! pain!! wow sad!!! #anyway i love xianle trio with my whole heart they really do feel so real #mouse mumbles #tgcf liveblog #hc also feels real but in a way i might not ever talk about lol we'll see

[felicityfiction]

[bulletproof glass part 4] part 3

a/n: its 5am. i needed a study break. this is terrible. im very disappointed in myself but also not sure if i can put anything out thats better. i have failed, please dont hate me :(

god, do they even teach them how to shoot?

san smirks, easily dodging a badly aimed bullet from a poorly hidden sniper. not really a sniper at all, if you ask him. just someone too cowardly to come down and face the action on the ground.

weakness.

in the chaos of a building carpark, there are guns blazing and shouts echoing, the occasional yell of pain or shattering of glass as these terribly trained excuses of henchmen hit a car instead of their intended human target.

it’s music to san’s ears.

to his left, he registers seonghwa, barrelling towards him with a wholehearted intention to get him into a car and to safety, but san is just starting to have fun.

he takes down two guys who have at least a foot on him, but he barely breaks a sweat. adrenaline is pumping through his veins, and he thinks that maybe he doesn’t have to smoke tonight to be able to get high.

this is his drug. san is addicted to the danger of it all. it’s messy and wonderful, a dance that is ingrained into san’s brain and burned into his muscle from years of first hand experience. choi san is talented, and he’s about to show it.

he sees seonghwa veer sharply to his right, and he spares a glance in his direction. just in time to see seonghwa gun down two guys who were surrounding hongjoong, trying to take him down. the leader was to be captured alive, no doubt, to be used as leverage. if his father was here, these guys would be all over him like hyenas to a carcass. but he isn’t, content to let san and seonghwa handle tonight’s minor matters.

he’s mine.

the words thrum in his ears, fuelling his slightly fatigued muscles to keep going until all their enemies were down. he was the next in line to inherit the choi name, and he sure as hell was going to make his name known to everyone in the underground.

and perhaps the child in him still preens under his father’s praise, and he’s greedy for more.

but san is amused by the sight of seonghwa fumbling in his attempt to get to hongjoong, his usual grace lost in his worry. he almost reaches out to hongjoong, then freezes and recoils like hongjoong at shot him. san feels a stab of pity, but also a brief inkling of scorn

this is what affection does to you.

hongjoong had come with few guards, despite knowing that there was a high chance that this deal would go south. perhaps he trusted san more than he let on, or he thought that san had a bigger target on his back, and he would be able to escape unscathed if it came down to it

or, san thinks, maybe he knows someone here will die to protect him.

a hand comes flying out of nowhere, barely missing san’s face, and san whips around faster than lightning. he grabs the wrist, and is about to twist and snap it when he registers the face in front of him. a smile curls onto his face.

“we’re allies here, did you forget? how can it be acceptable to try and take me out?”

“wasn’t trying to take you out. distracted. person shooting. wanted to get your attention.” yunho is speaking in breathless pants, sweat beading on his forehead. he grabs san and tugs, and san finds himself going willingly. he lets himself get pushed behind a pillar, as yunho scans for more aggressive men in black.

there’s a feeling san can’t pinpoint blooming in his chest, and he shoves it away, letting his god awful flirtatious nature come up as a defence.

“so sweet of you, darling. but you look more tired than me. i’d have been perfectly fine, but i appreciate the sentiment.”

yunho doesn’t realise he’s stilll holding san’s wrist, too busy being on the lookout.

“shut up.” he scowls

san sees a brief release of tension in yunho’s shoulders when he spots hongjoong safe, a few meters away surrounded by the remainder of his guards.

“you should go join them, sweetheart. it’s time for you to flee.”

yunho’s eyes snap towards him, and he angrily spits, “we’re not fleeing, you bastard.”

san wants to laugh again, because infruriating yunho is so, so enjoyable. “i didn’t mean anything. they’re all gone, anyway. we won. no point staying around for the cleanup.” he lifts his wrist to yunho’s eyes, and they widen exponentially. yunho drops his wrist and steps back, putting some distance between him and san. san decides he preferred it when yunho was pressed against him.

yunho makes to walk away towards a gesturing hongjoong, but san’s the one to reach out this time.

“thank you, yunho. i appreciate it.” yunho seems surprised by the sincereity that laces san’s words, but he quickly reminds himself that san is more than a proficient liar. he pushes san’s hand off his wrist, suddenly wishing he hadn’t tried to help.

stupid, stupid yunho.

“and don’t worry, baby. you always have my attention.”

and there it is, classic san. can’t have a conversation without dropping some kind of comment that made yunho’s skin crawl. yunho flinches, and walks away. san is staring after him, his lips upturned.

yunho picks his way through the bodies littered on the ground, trying to ignore both the vast amounts of blood, and the way that his ears are burning.

if hongjoong notices how red he is, he presumes that it’s from the physical exertion. he’s scanning yunho for injuries, relieved to find none. regardless, he pushes yunho towards the car, ready to take him away from everything and shelter him as best he can.

he shouldn’t have brought him here in the first place.

hongjoong can’t help the deep tug in his gut that compels him to look around once more before stepping into the car.

seonghwa is rushing towards san, and san is smiling so broadly it disturbs hongjoong. he’s certain that san is a psychopath, or at least someone who enjoys witnessing pain. or maybe he’s so desensitized that this has all become a game for him.

either way, hongjoong darts his eyes down and gets into the car. he pretends that the relief flooding his chest is for himself, for yunho and for his other men. not for the bodyguard of his rival gang leader, who just so happened to perhaps have saved his life.

fuck this.

hongjoong is absolutely fucking screwed.

yunho spends the same car ride trying to forget the deep voice echoing in his ears and the hand around his wrist. he’s all too aware that he was frantically searching for san the entire time the fight was happening, barely registering his members. he should feel guilty, he knows, and he berates himself fiercely.

why yunho, why? he’s a sadistic monster, he could have killed you and called it an accident!

but somehow, yunho can’t bring himself to regret that he threw himself in front of a guy that could very well be holding a gun to his temple in the near future.

yunho is also, absolutely fucking screwed

“he tried to help me, hwa. isn’t that so cute? i could’ve taken all of them blindfolded, but it’s still adorable.”

seonghwa purses his lips, a sharp pang striking a chord in his heart.

san is sitting on his desk, swinging his legs back and forth as he recounts the night to him, nevermind that seonghwa was supposed to be the one delivering the report.

“that’s the first time someone besides me has done that for you, san.” seonghwa says quietly, more to himself than to san. but his charge, his friend, hears it anyway.

“i’m attractive, hwa. what can i say? you tried to play hero too. good job on that, by the way.”

seonghwa flinches at the reminder. it was too close for comfort, the way hongjoong had been a split second from being overpowered, and seonghwa had moved before he had time to think.

“i’m sorry for getting distracted.” he had failed. seonghwa was supposed to protect san, yet he had some kind of messed up tunnel vision and sixth sense that led him to jump to the defence of someone he isn’t even supposed to associate with-

“don’t apologise. i’m a better fighter than you, or him. i didn’t need it.”

i forgive you. i understand. don’t worry, you did the right thing.

that’s how they communicate. with hidden meanings and the hope that the other party understands.

in spite of everything that went down, seonghwa’s frantic about one thing, and one thing above all.

it absolutely terrifies him how choi san is whistling a happy tune from his lips recounting the way jung yunho had tried to press him into a wall for his own safety. san chalks it all up to nothing, but seonghwa sees more. san isn’t just amused, he’s happy.

he’s happy that jung yunho had tried to save him.

it’s mortifying, seeing this unknown emotion on san. seonghwa knows how to deal with an angry san, a drunk san and an indifferent san. seonghwa knows san.

but seonghwa has never seen san care. and it sure as hell feels like san is starting to care.

“would you have done it?” he whispers, and san trails off, narrowing his eyes at him.

“what are you talking about?”

“would you have jumped in front of a gun to save him?” seonghwa bites his lip. please, please say something snarky and cocky and arrogant.

“i’d just shoot the source of danger, hwa. have you lost your touch? can’t protect someone if i’m dead, now can i? remember that next time, i doubt hongjoong would want to see you die in front of him.”

seonghwa’s ears are ringing.

protect someone? san, since when have you ever wanted to protect someone? everyone is disposable to you, no? why him? why now?

but seonghwa swallows all his words, and san continues on his painfully oblivious humming. he can’t even tell that this emotion is new and different. he can’t tell that his mind is drifting to a hand gripping his wrist, and the pressure of another body pressed against his.

word of the day: endearment. maybe san would do good to learn some new vocabulary, so he can put a label to that weird sensation in his chest, and his burning desire to see jung yunho again.

maybe, san would come to his senses. seonghwa can only hope.

#ateez #fanfic #kpop #ao3 #yunsan #choi san #jung yunho #seongjoong #ateez seonghwa #park seonghwa #kim hongjoong

[diamondcamefromhell]

Dance

Summary: this was a request by @rosasteri [who may as well be dubbed my creative muse bc the request i get from them make me super inspired ]“ hi, can I request Jaskier x reader? jask, geralt and reader stay in tavern. jaskier plays his music, but other bard comes and jaskier decides to take a rest. people start to dance so jaskier offers to reader his hand and trying to convince her to dance. but reader doesn't know how to dance so Jask teaches her “

Warnings: swearing

Word Count: 2,019

A/N: i really dont have anything to say, lmao, for some reason im at a loss for words today - spent most of it writing original story, and now have an this dying rge to read percy jackson, so guess i know what i will do tonight, lol, either way

any and all feedback is appreciated and can be left anonymously on my ask page <3

I heard raindrops outside before Jaskier strung his lute again. I peak out the window to see lighting strike somewhere far away. The tavern, however is dry and safe. A fireplace is lit near me, providing a good bit of warmth. I lean my back against it now, looking at Jask.

His shadows remind me of the monsters Geralt slays, splashed across the floor. The wood creaks beneath his feet, but his music overpowers it as his singing fills the room. I hear Geralt grunt in front of me as he chugs his ale. Our eyes meet, and while he seems annoyed, he also looks happy. He got rid of some noonwraiths today, so we were celebrating. The townsfolk were welcoming to their newly found hero and his sidekicks.

Jaskier prances to our table, as if to check if his friends were paying attention to him. He made it really hard not to. I wink at him, as he offers me a smile, dancing away now. I sip my wine, taking eyes off the bard to look at the witcher. His gaze was glued to the window, but a smile was on his lips. I decided not to bother.

I hear some disturbance come from the entrance, as a man rushes in. He’s wet from the rain, but I doubt he cares about that. From underneath his jacket he pulls out a lute, inspecting it to see if there is any rain damage on it. I see his shoulders relax and the answer is clear.

Jaskier seems to notice a fellow bard too, stopping his lute. He waves the guy in, allowing him to take the honours of entertaining the guests, as he drops next to Geralt.

“I need a break.” He exhales the words, taking his ale and sipping it.

“Oh yes, being a bard is sure tiring.” Geralt teases, as Jask nudges him.

“Try to do it yourself, then.” I smirk at them, twirling the drink in my glass. “Y/N, do you think being a bard is easy?”

“Easier than being a witcher.” I mumble, chuckling. “But sure, it’s not easy.”

“I have to entertain the masses, you know what happens when they aren’t pleased?” Jaskier dramatically throws his hands in the air, looking to Geralt and back to me.

“They throw rocks at you?” I can’t help but let out a laugh and Geralt’s comment, who in response smirks. “Because that’s what some do when they see a witcher. They throw rocks or whatever happens to be at their disposal. One time it was a cat.”

“Oh no.” I say, now fully laughing. I see Jaskier break character too, as he giggles. “Cats hate you, Geralt.”

“Feelings mutual.” He smirks, as I giggle again.

The silence between is comfortable, but soon the rained upon bard fills it. His lute sounds different, not the sounds I’m used to, but it’s still pleasant. His voice now fills the tavern and I steal a glance at Jaskier, to see what he thinks.

From what I can tell, he likes it. His lips are curled in a smile, and he’s nodding along, without realizing it. I relax, glad he’s not getting competitive. Our eyes meet and he sticks his tongue out.

“I wont try to overplay him.” He says, as I smirk.

“Not again.” Geralt corrects the bard, who flushes red, downing his drink.

“Shut up.” He practically gargles at us.

I laugh. One time at a similar evening, another bard came in and Jaskier wasn’t happy about it. He also wasn’t on his first ale. Or his fifth, for that matter. So he tried to overplay the other guy, and things went wrong faster than Geralt and I could grasp. Our good friend was trying so hard, he danced into a pillar, breaking his lute in half, and then crying.

We helped him out. After we stopped laughing.

I see people spring to their feet now, as the empty space is filling up with patrons, dancing. Couples and friends alike start to move. In turn, bard makes his melody more cheery. I appreciate that, nudging my head side to side in beat.

“Y/N! Let’s dance!” Jaskier yells suddenly, startling me. I stare at the bard, who is already on his feet.

“Jaskier, you know I don’t dance.” I say, as he rolls his eyes.

“Stop being a party pooper and just do it.” He teases as I cross my arms. He grabs my shoulder shaking me.

“I don’t know how to dance!” I argue, and he stops the shaking only to start poking my arm.

“I’ll teach you.” He argues back and I see Geralt raise his eyebrows.

“Teach Y/N how to dance into pillars? Don’t let her embarrass herself like that.” I give witcher a thankful look, but Jaskier is relentless.

“Geralt, fuck off.” He puts his hand right up Geralt’s face, before looking to me again. “Y/N, let’s go!”

“Fine!” I finally give in, as Geralt looks like he is really close to losing his shit and hitting Jask or, gods forbid, his lute. I’d rather avoid another broken-lute-and-cry situation, as funny as it was.

I lazily stand up, and before I can even gain proper footing, Jaskier drags me out. I nearly run into one of the dancers, but at a last second, Jask pulls me out of the way. I glare at the bard who offers me an apologetic smile.

I straighten up, as he starts to step around, dancing. I blankly stare at him, not moving an inch of my body. Jaskier sighs, grabbing my hand and waving it around.

“Loosen up, Y/N.” I roll my eyes.

“I’m dancing. It’s called a statue.” I tease, as Jaskier nudges me, laughing.

“Just step around.” I raise my eyebrows. “Like you really need to use the restroom, but in time with the music.”

“What now?” I laugh, as he rolls his eyes, pulling away.

I try to take his advice the best of my ability, stepping around a little, but timing it with the music. Jaskier grins and I can tell he’s trying to hold back a laugh. I stop, getting embarrassed, once he realizes that, he laughs and hugs me.

“I’m sorry, it’s just your legs, they move, but from waist up you look dead.” He laughs in my ear as my face heats up.

“Well should I just act like I’m dying and shake all around?” He snickers, pulling away. His hand still on my shoulder now slides to my hand.

“Let me lead you.” I press my lips, nodding.

“Sure.” I say, through my teeth.

“Do the leg thing.” I am not sure what he means, so the bard sighs. “The toilet dance.”

“Right.”

I do ‘the leg thing’ as Jask gently moves my arms around. He sees that I am not showing much, if any, restraint, so he grows more confident and bold in his moves. I feel like a ragdoll, dragged around, and he starts spinning.

Until I trip, falling and getting under his feet. He crashes on top of me, and I swear I hear Geralt laugh.

“I can’t breathe!” I grunt, as I feel Jaskier vibrate on top of me. It takes me a moment to realize he’s laughing. I try to push him, but the bard just won’t budge. “Jaskier, for the love of god!”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” He says, finally lifting himself off me. I glare at him as he extends his arm to me, helping me up. He breaks out into laughter yet again. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” I say, cleaning my dress with my hands. I feel my cheeks heat up as I see people snickering looking our way.

“Like you hate me.” He pokes my cheek, removing his hand before I can punch it away.

“But I do.” I respond, as the bard ends his song. People cheer for him, as Jaskier and I stare at each other. I struggle to keep a straight face, breaking into a smile. “I hate you.”

“Sure you do.” Jaskier purrs, winking at me, before the bard plays another song, and he starts dancing around.

I don’t wait for him to drag me around again, and I start moving. I do the toilet dance, not forgetting my upper body this time. Jaskier looks me up and down, smiling. The tune pics up in speed, and I struggle to keep up, scared of tripping.

“Don’t be so scared.” I hear the familiar voice, as if he just read my mind. I give a quick glare at the bard, before focusing back to my feet. “You’re thinking too much.”

“If I don’t, I’ll be falling too much.” I hiss, still not lifting my eyes, until his hand lands on my shoulder, stopping me.

“Just look at me or close your eyes, and listen to the music.” He does a twist, grinning. “Let the music carry you.”

“I’m not a musician, Jaskier. Music doesn’t carry me.” He beeps my nose in response, an even bigger grin painting across his face.

“Music has a power to carry anyone. You just need to allow it to do it.” He waves me closer to himself, so I lean in. “And the secret is, nobody knows how to dance. That’s why nobody also judges others. We all just… allow ourselves to move.”

I step back, taking a deep breath in. I close my eyes, listening to the fast-cheery tune. I focus on the bards voice, as it wraps around me. I try to let go off my anxiety and fears, letting my body lose. I try not to think of what I’ doing and who may be watching. I follow the notes like my body is the instrument.

It feels freeing, as if some weight has been lifted off my chest.

I open my eyes, expecting to see some judgemental looks, hear some laughter, but just like Jaskier said, nobody was judging me. I even stole a glance at Geralt, who was simply paying no attention to us. I look at the bard, as he gives me an encouraging nod.

The song dramatically slows, and he now steps closer, extending his arm. I never danced with anyone, but Jaskier seemed like a good practise. We were great friends, so if something went wrong, I am less likely to want to dig myself into a hole.

His hand lands on my waist as I put mine on his shoulder. He takes our free hands, lifting it to the side. I know males lead, so I try to do the same thing. Give in to music, and follow the energy, which in this case was my partner. Our eyes meet and his blue ones shine, reflecting the fire. I smile, not even realizing we are, in fact dancing.

“You’re a natural.” He says, gently pushing me so I would turn.

“Maybe you’re a good lead.” He pretends to be surprised, twisting me around.

“Yes, I think that’s it.” He finally agrees, winking, as I let out a giggle. “See, dancing isn’t that bad.”

“I guess so.” I am reluctant to agree, I know he wont let me live this down. “As long as no pillars happen to be in a way.”

“You will never forget it, will you?” He says through his giggle, and I shrug.

“Maybe. But I wont forget this either.” I say, as he gives me a kind smile.

The song ends and I don’t let go off his hand, dragging us back to our table. We sit down and Geralt looks at us.

“You two danced well.” He says and I am taken back, as it is rare to get a compliment from witcher.

“Thanks.” I whisper, looking at the table.

I let go off Jaskiers hand, my heart beating faster. I don’t hear whatever he starts to blabber about, and I notice Geralt look away too. A different song picks up, and I cant stop my feet from dancing under the table.

I look out the window to see the rain has passed. The sky is clearing up.

#jaskier request #jaskier x reader #jaskier fluff #but not really?? #witcher imagine #jaskier imagine #jaskier one shot #tagging makes me so tired #after like two tags im so over it #but exposure #i want it #pls

[eyeslikefoxglove]

Episode 21 - The PTSD is strong with this one & we need more braincells

Hello hello! Welcome to the commentary. How’s everyone? I’m frozen solid because it’s mid-June in Spain and yet we had 11°C yesterday. Fucking awesome!

I AM NOT WEARING MASCARA SO I CAN CRY ALL I WANT. I DONT KNOW IF THATS GOOD OR BAD THO.

Can I just take a second to appreciate how much this big strong powerful men emote? I mean, I know this isn’t western media where the tough guy can’t show emotions, and I don’t know that eastern media has the same hangups about men emoting but just... it’s so refreshing.

Huaisang bb you’re so sweet.

Oh, oh the PTSD is strong with this one.

Also, bless both JC and NHS, they absolutely noticed WWX flinch and, in their own ways, went and steamrolled over it so WWX wouldn’t feel scrutinised.

WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST TO INFORM YALL THAT I GOT A KITTEN ON MY LAP. (She’s kneading my boob, which, ow, but...)

*BICHEN GRIIIIIIIP*

How do y’all think the guards go deliver bad news to WRH? Like do they paper-rock-scissor it? Draw straws?

NMJ did you have to?

And once again I wonder what would’ve happened if JFM had let sect leader Yao kick it.

Ughvhfnevus it’s this clown. Same as with Su She, if you see a bunch of screaming it’s just me not wanting to listen to Jin ZiXun.

The Nies: let’s throw a banquet to honour WWX’s return

Every asshole there: *gossips about WWX while in the room with him*

Once again I wish I could transmigrate (and speak mandarin lol) and just start delivering tongue lashings.

Listen, I have no idea how to play Guqin, but I did play the guitar for years and even from here I can see how much YiBo’s hands don’t match the melody. Nothing against him but why does this always happen? I know they got classes, so was the music not written by that time or something? Because one thing is not hitting the correct notes, another is plucking slow notes when the tempo is much faster.

JC: Since yours and LWJ’s unhappy separation...

My dumbass: do you mean breakup? *eyebrow waggle*

You will pry my “JC knows his brother is pinning after LWJ, he probably doesn’t want to know anything else” hc out of my cold dead hands thankyouverymuch.

WWX: *spouts a bunch of misdirection to avoid giving JC a straight answer*

JC: Bull-fucking-shit.

Should I count how many times WWX PTSDs all over the place or would you like me to leave your hearts intact? That’s two so far.

Ok ok, I feel that, if someone with a bit less trauma and a bit of insight (NHS maybe?) had seen the bit where ChenQing fucking hurts Shijie thing would’ve gone differently. I mean, yes, LWJ keeps warning WWX that this shit is gonna fuck him up, but as I said in my previous commentary LWJ also has the communication skills of a hermit crab so that wouldn’t work, and JC would be too wound up and WWX too busy trying to conceal his lack of golden core for that conversation to go anywhere. But if someone who WWX knows is a good egg (I’m not gonna say trusts bc paranoia) had sat him down and told him “your new instrument that you use for your new form of cultivation just hurt the person you love most please be careful when you use it.” I think it would’ve worked wonders towards his health overall.

I know Shijie says it’s like Zidian, but she’s not working with the fact that this thing is made for and by the Dark Side of the Force and I’m sorry but I can’t help but see ChenQing as a bit of a horrocrux almost. Or like, if you like me think the Burial Mounds is an Entity, something that’s a bit more sentient that it lets on.

Speaking of reputations and NHS being a good egg, I have oh-so-many ideas (I won’t say plot bunnies because I can’t write for shit) in which NHS for Reasons (time-travel? Letter from the future? His massive brain?) realises just how much damage WWX is doing to his public image. And he might be a sheltered dandy, but he saw what being the son of a sex worker did to Meng Yao despite how hard he worked (I’m assuming he doesn’t know about the whole betrayal business). This is way fucking worse, like hell is he going to let one of his best friends paint a target on his back. So he pulls back his sleeves, engages his slytherin brain and proceeds to lay down a plan to throughly destroy WWX’s reputation as a powerful genius.

I’m guessing LWJ and JC protest, and maybe WWX, and NHS just hits them with “do you want him respected or alive?” And they shut tf up. He glues himself to WWX, and brings up as many instances in which their behaviour can be compared as he can (we got drunk and punished at cloud recesses, we slept in class, we skipped to go fishing, I don’t carry my sword either). And, because assholes be assholes, people like Sect Leader Yao or Clown Cousin are quick to start spouting their own derogatory bullshit and thus WWX the untamed powerful prodigy dies a fiery death. Now he’s just a mouthy kid with a quick mind that “does tricks instead of battle” (I’ll never get bored of using that Thor quote). I also like to think that people who personally know WWX and are not pieces of shit go give NHS a tongue lashing for messing with what they thought was his friend, NHS takes that as a test of good eggness and bring them into the plan. Soon the whole Cloud Recesses class is swearing up, down, left, right and centre that all the shit WWX has ever successfully pulled is just an insane amount of luck and quick thinking.

I don’t know how would they work him into the battlefield (disguise? Mask?) to unleash his demonic cultivation but that’s Plot and I don’t do that.

Also, because I’m a terrible human being I want to say that people assume LWJ is on “pretty but useless” WWX like white on rice because *insert derogatory comment about being good in bed and sexual favours*. Because y’all know the assholes here are Like That. And WWX is horrified because holy fucking shit he’s gonna drag LWJ’s reputation down, he can’t have people thinking HGJ is ok with having him as a concubine pretty much. But before he can act LWJ politely all but confirms that yeah, he’s tapping that, y’all wish you were but he doesn’t share and none of y’all are good enough for his Wei Ying anyway. CUE FAKE/PRETEND RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I AM INDEED TRASH FOR THAT TROPE.

Muahahahaha y’all thought I was gonna devolve into my personal hcs and not include my fave trope? Shouldn’t y’all know me better by now?

(Btw I like this bit ^ so I might polish it a little and post it separately as well, just a warning if you find yourself reading an eerily similar post by me)

WuJi is playing and LWJ is pining so much. Also, if LWJ did not just realise that, just like Yu the Great, WWX had no other option but tame resentful energy I’ll eat my blanket.

I refuse to believe Jiang Yanli didn’t become the unofficial war camp therapist/sounding board/only sane person/everyone’s mum/I just need a hug and a corner to cry in peace. There are not enough fics about Shijie being her gentle BAMF self while in the camp and it’s a pity. My crops are dying y’all!

Also, I will fight anyone who scoffs at Shijie being the epitome of the “gentle woman who cooks and waits for the men to come back from war”. Look at her mum, do you think it is easy for a kid (she was a kid in the flashback when WWX ran away) to see that day in and day out, to have that as a “role model” and decide that she was not going to be like her mum? That she didn’t like what she saw in her so she was going to be kind and gentle? And do you think it is easy for a person barely in their twenties to deal with years of verbal and psychological abuse for again, being gentle and kind, and not grow a hard shell of bitterness to protect themselves? And to keep being gentle and kind while at war, with your parents dead and your siblings unraveling before your very eyes? Shijie is so fucking strong and I love her.

Hey look, the White Walkers!

“Resentful energy is just energy” ok, valid. But my dude, you’ve got black ghost smoke coming out of you and can hear people screaming in your head. I’m not saying it is evil, like someone’s uptight set in his ways arrogant uncle; but it sure as shit ain’t healthy.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH (that’s a Clown Cousin scream btw)

Ok ok, just one little thing: IF SOMEONE ELSE CALLS WWX WEI YING AS A SHOW OF DISRESPECT IMMA SCALP THEM.

...are those crows eating that man alive? Yikes on bikes.

(Assume my comment about YiBo’s Guqin playing also goes for Xiao Zhan and his flute. I can’t play the flute but the tempo doesn’t match his fingers)

I’m just gonna say it, I think 3zun (well, 2zun as of now) suspect shit went down badly for WWX, that’s two questions by both of them in a very soft conciliatory tone. They are genuinely interested/worried about the topic, and don’t seem to come off as chiding or judgemental. I mean WWX is a weirdo irreverent kid and they’re sect leaders, they outrank him so much it’s ridiculous. I’m also counting the fact that both their baby brothers like him towards them being so kind. But I also think WWX just triggers all their big brother instincts the second he walks in.

Oh there’s a thought, Shijie, Wen Qing, NMJ and LXC take a look at everyone’s shitty parents and just decide to adopt everyone.

What happened at Yiling was a traumatised teenager (is WWX even 20?) PTSDing all over the place with the Dark Side of the Force whispering in his ear and an all powerful trinket at his disposal. Not saying I approve of all the torture and murder but he clearly isn’t revelling in them.

That is some outstanding bit of big-brothering on LXC’s side and I love it. Also, my dumbass just realised LWJ probably wasn’t quoting WWX when he was being punished (what is white what is black?) I think he was quoting his big brother. Which is magnitudes deep too, but in a different direction and I might love that scene even more.

Ok fuck it, I’m gonna tangent. So I had a terrible boyfriend when I was 15-18. He alienated me from my friends, sunk my self-esteem to the molten core of the earth, tried to convince me my parents were abusive and encouraged (aka threatened manipulated and cajoled) the slow tanking of my high school marks. I have A Problem when I see media where someone latches onto their significant other and everything they are shifts towards that person. Now, love, true genuine love, is powerful, and I believe it can be the catalyst for shifting your world-view for the better. I don’t have a problem with that. I don’t have a problem with people sticking with their romantic partner if it is clear their previous “family” is so much shit. I don’t have a problem with LWJ coming out of his shell and defying corrupt precepts because his love for WWX made them see they were wrong, or getting sassy and unrepentant during his punishment (I have a problem with the punishment bc that’s abuse but...). But I do side-eye WangXian being the only thing in their orbit. People need people, and WangXian have other good people around them. So I kind of love that yes, WWX showed him the system was corrupt, but it is the words of his brother he is sticking by to the defy said system.

Let’s go back to our scheduled slew of held pinning glances shall we?

LXC after That awkward run-in: WangJi I wasn’t gone that long, what the fuck did you two oblivious pining idiots do?

(LXC has “bitching” tea sessions with Shijie and you can’t convince me otherwise)

LWJ: *is being dramatic and not knocking on WWX’s door*

Me: oh my god you fucking idiot

Shijie: *walks in*

Me: oh thank god someone with a braincell.

Ah yes, there we go triggering WWX’s paranoia again. Why would he get a break.

OH MY GOD YOU PAIR OF FUCKING IDIOTS. THATS IT, FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUT.

@ LWJ: bitch wtf was that? I know you’re shit at talking but have you thought about writing it down? Letters anyone? It worked for mr. Darcy.

(Yes LWJ is mr darcy and now I want an au where LWJ writes WWX letters and just pours everything in them, WWX finds them, any everything is sunshine and rainbows)

While this bullshit fight/misunderstanding is all on LWJ’s shoulders, I’m also going to scream at WWX. Because yes, he is in PTSD hell, but he trusted LWJ before, and yet he can’t get past his perceived notion of LWJ’s character (and his own inadequacies) to trust him again and ask for help. Plus, you know, he thinks he doesn’t deserve he’ll bc *waves hand at WWX’s trauma conga line*

These episodes can’t be good for my BP.

Thanks for reading!

#the untamed #cql #mdzs live action #mdzs #foxglove watches cql #foxglove watches the untamed #lan wangji #wei wuxian #wangxian #jiang yanli #jiang cheng #yunmeng trio #yunmeng siblings #commentary

[sagittariusboyfriend]

lmao oh man. ok ive been talking to a guy who from the start knew i wasnt interested in any romantic stuff - i told him up front, he told me he wasnt either. cool cool. so we met for a coffee and yeah im not attracted to him, but he is intellectually stimulating u know. like where you can have many hours of conversation because hes really communicative and blunt and honest and has a very different view on life than me etc. which i like about him. i learn so much from direct opposites. we become friends. well, flirty friends, but honestly he is the only one doing the flirting during this entire time. ive been very specific not to as to not send any mixed signals, and have had to dodge some straight-forward sexual stuff a few times. not at all because i dont want to talk sex, we have absolutely talked sex, but not with each other, and i just really dont want him to think im attracted.

however he turned out to be a pretty... petty and unchill person. at times, anyway. as i said i like talking to him and do so quite often, or did so anyway, up until recently. a while ago he started to get very contrarian, like, edgy? rude, but at first in a playful way. i dont have a problem with rude when its in a playful/comunicative way, im amused by that and i indulge in dishing it back playfully from time to time. but it was very obvious he was doing it because i mentioned i was into "rude" guys, maybe once, when we were talking about my former love interests. and by rude i definitely dont mean as in someone whos all high and mighty, self-entitled, or stuff like personal attacks, im talking about a kind of humor, or in a charming, charismatic and mischievous way. and maybe that is my fault for not specifying what that actually meant, idk. its still kind of strange completely rearranging your personality based on something i said once, you know? it all felt very contrived to me.

but anyway, he also started to get pissed off that i would see my friends but couldnt see him (he lives in a different city...) and about how i could afford to go drink beer with my friends and not drink tea at his place (he also doesnt drink and, again, lives in a different city) and im like... ok first, im not even that into you in comparison, i will always pick my friends over others, i prioritize my money (i am by NO MEANS wealthy omfg) the way i want and on what is proportional to what i get out of the experience. im not going to put out a lot of money on a train ticket to sit at home with you, a guy ive met in public ONCE, when i have all of my biggest friend groups in this city, here, where i live, and we enjoy drinking beer, watching soccer, going to the beach, hanging out in parks, having game nights and hosting and going to parties etc etc. heck yes im going to spend my last money on being with them. and i have told him this, and also that if i had more of a disposable income right now i would obviously be freer to do whatever. ive never been against going to his place to hang out and not having it involve any alcohol, thats all cool, but right now i just cant afford it, and i would prefer to hang out in public some more. but hes not into my scene, so what am i gonna do. and i dont think its strange to think like, i know my last bucks will get me two beers at the cheapest bar, but two beers are still not the price of a (one-way) train ticket. but he just... gets mad about it. in a very childish way. and i keep a very open an honest discussion with him, and most of the time he gets it. hes not dumb or socially awkward, i know hes not, but hes kind of... hard to deal with, i guess is the right word, when there is a personal relationship. in a not so charming way. where he can come off as uncertain, distristful(!) and a bit egocentrical. a classic "ive been hurt by hierarchy for most of my life so now im always on high alert and im going to be as obtuse and snarky as possible so i can feel like i have some sort of control and i WILL take up space and society WILL give me what i feel ive been cheated of my entire life also emotionally im a scared child and really really need validation but im never ever going to admit that". most of the time hes not, but when he started "demanding" to know why i couldnt hang out, or what my expenses were(!!) i immediately got turned off. having to motivate or explain your life and choices to a person youve met once and that you, sure, appreciate, but that you dont really know? no thanks. people not trusting me or my reasons makes me angry, because i put so much value in honesty, so i got angry at him (which is VERY not my character). and he kind of took a step back.

we havent spoken as intensely since then, maybe two weeks ago, and i honestly dont mind except for i like to write and communicate with a lot of people about a lot of stuff to keep myself occupied and he is now one less person to do that with i guess. but now he casually struck up a convo on my snapchat on a post "where i looked hot". i was like heh thanks! and he went on saying "i need to remind myself of how good-looking you are sometimes... kind of stupid actually"

so im like... uhuh... why would you need to remind yourself of that? already finding it a bit cringey

and he says "because i forget about you? xD"

aaaand im rolling my eyes trying not to gag. he is obviously looking for a reaction and im like wtf are we 15

then he fucking says, all philosophical like: "sometimes we need to be reminded why we start talking to/hitting on someone in the first place" and i was just like...... ok stop... what a fucking backhanded compliment. that actually was you telling me that i havent been paying attention to you that much and you want my attention.

god.

again, so turned off by this kind of personality. and i dont mean that only sexually, i mean... i dont think we can be friends, man. youre acting kinda gross. "we" as in, people of the earth, dont need to be reminded of that. that is not a universal truth. this is cringyness, a wounded ego on a high horse.

idk maybe he was trying to be nice or trying to say hes sorry because he was out of line earlier, but i genuinely dont think he thinks so himself, but... ugh. i am not into this. i am not into him. i have been doing my best not to string him along by the way, by being veeeery open about the fact that i sleep with different people, and not just guys, and that i like being single right now and that i have many issues to take care of and heal, so i hope he doesnt feel like ive been doing that to him for some reason.

im just very over this guy. i basically answered him that it sounded more like a backhanded compliment than anything else and that i know ive been bad at ~paying attention~ to him in that way lately, and that im aware of that because im just not interested in paying that kind of attention to anyone at all right now. lets see what his response is. i bet on either a douche guy "lmao ok i was just giving you a compliment chill" or a niceguy/neckbeard "wow youre not better than me". or perhaps hell be an adult about it. i feel like i do have some faith in him still.

but jesus christ the cringe

update: this was a while ago and i dont remember what he answered but it surprisingly wasnt any of the above. we stopped talking for a few months tho and now im in love with a gorgeous person that i recently became exclusive with. this guy is still someone i talk to now and then on snapchat. he semi-regularly drops compliments on my selfies and i guess thats just fine, but his snaps are very very bitter and sometimes i can tell he wants to get my attention. 🤷‍♂️

#what a fuckin #nice guy #right?? #honestly... it hurts me to say but he kind of reminds me of a #neckbeard #not an #incel #although he can come off as bitter at the world but i know hes not delusional #im just... so done #hey! #cuestar

[darnara-vas-rayya]

Emergency Situation.

Hello all I do not enjoy writing this journal, in all honesty im disgusted. But this is a serious situation. TLDR: Dad's a fucking ass, shitton of debt he's in, if anyone can spare anything...i literally beg of you, even if its 50cents! Anything your willing to safely give to go towards food, electricity and gas meters can be done here; paypal.me/DarNara If you want something tangible in exchange for your money then please see below. If anyone wants to discuss this in private, my Discord is Dar'Nara#4818 My unending thanks to those who have already helped, i have made sure its been used wisely to get nessecary items (Food, electricity and gas meter top-ups etc...), so thank you very much! ;-; =================== The long version; An emergency situation has arisen. As some of you who i talk to regular will know, my dad has been an absolute asshole and got himself into huge sums of debt that he clearly has no plan to pay off. He's maxed out all his accounts, and almost dragged my mum down with him and had her in debt too. When i found out about this, i tried to help them both out. £3000 or so i used between them both and now mum is back in the green, accounts suspended whilst her credit rating goes back up and she gets things in order. Dad was in the green at least, still in debt, but not over-limit but now he's just spent what he was given and is back in the red. Waaaay in the red. >_< The emergency situation here is that, because he has done this there is now little to no disposable income for even the basics, like food. Dad has quite proudly said he will tell debt collectors 'he doesnt live here'. I cannot comprehend this logic. It is on a whole other level of stupid. From him saying that alone, after i helped him, i definetely got burned here and so would my mum have been too as he evidently doesnt even want to pay this debt off and is quite happy to spend everything and try and tell the law that 'he doesnt live here'. I've had a long chat with my mum about dads actions and made sure that when her accounts are un-blocked that she doesnt let him anywhere near them. His debt total? Near £10,000 now. Over 5 or more credit cards and a few catalog accounts. All likely with 49.9+% interest. And thats just what we know about! All over-limit and demanding their money immediately. This is an absolute clusterfuck and i'm at wits end here. Dad's been getting final notice calls and letters and we're at risk of having our stuff taken away by debt collectors! I've recently been made aware that i can get around that so long as i can prove whats mine and my mums, but what we wont get around is if the creditors want to take the house! Which they can! I've tried going through official channels, reporting this and hoping to at least get his ability to keep getting credit blocked outright as clearly he is a risk but nobody wants to listen yet clearly places are still readilly borrowing to him. His credit score i am 99% sure is <100. Not even a shady payday loan company would take that on surely?! But someone is.... I am out of money i can safely provide to keep things going. So here i am. Having to beg for money so we can keep the lights on and i can get food for everyone because dad sure as hell isnt buying it. He's also made it very clear that he wont be contributing anything more than £35/month to the electricity meter.....we go through about £59/week and he says if it gets shut off that he just doesnt care. And, i dont even know where he's getting this £35 either or how he's paying other bills like the internet and water bills, or his own phonebill. Though in all likelihood, he probably isnt. If your willing to give anything, doesnt matter if its just 50cents, it is highly appreciated and you can use this link; paypal.me/DarNara For those of you whom have already helped, you have my undying and unending thanks and appreciation. It really does mean alot and will have helped in some way! I feel so horrible about all this, you dont exactly expect your own father to do stuff like this. And as much as i'd like to just up and leave. I cannot. In the UK thats called making yourself 'intentionally homeless' since im not being 'physically abused'. I would not qualify for emergency housing and receive no aid from the local Council or police. Family who know about this have all taken a dim view on this but have said they're not going to help and i dont expect friends to put me up long term either. I do also have commitments to my mum and my sister who live here as well so just ditching them is not really an option and would only cause further issues. Anything given will be put in the following priority order. Food, then electricity meter, then gas meter (both are prepaid meters we use for electricity and gas/hot water meaning that money gets put onto a special card thing at a shop, it then has to go into the meter and credit gets added to it that gets used as you use the service its providing), then trying to save anything else incase any other shitty problem arises here. Again im really sorry to be asking at all, but this is such a bitch of a situation. If anyone wants something tangible for any money they give, i have got some stuff to sell in order to try help with this situation and will be happy to exchange this for money. The following things are available; 1.) Apple MacBook Pro - £200 (2012 model, 256GB Samsung SSD + 500GB hard disk - few dents around casing but nothing that affects performance - Comes with charger (UK plug)) 2.) LS240 SuperDisk Drive £55 (new) or £30 (used) (2 of these, one is brand new in box - Each will come with 1x new sealed disk to use with it) 3.) Official Mass Effect 3 signed Prothean Lithograph (61/500) - £50 (no frame) or £65 (with frame) 4 ) Official Mass Effect 3 signed Prothean Battle Lithograph (89/500) - £50 (no frame) or £65 (with frame) 5.) Official Mass Effect 3 signed Anderson Lithograph (103/500) - £60 (no frame) or £75 (with frame) 6.) Official Mass Effect 3 Reaper Attack Lithograph (44/500) - £60 (no frame) or £75 (with frame) 7.) Iomega Jaz 2GB Drive + 1 2GB cartridge + SCSI cable - £50 8.) Iomega REV Drive 35GB (Have 2 of these, 1 is Firewire connection and the other is IDE/ATAPI) - £50/each + 1 35GB cartridge with each drive. 9.) Various old computer parts - £30 for whole box (500GB-1TBhard disks, cables, etc...whole mix of things. Cannot garuntee working however. Just thrown into box and left.) If anyone wants any of these, kindly send me a private message and lets arrange something. Please be aware that shipping IN the UK is £11 via Special Delivery (no exceptions). Shipping OUTSIDE the UK - This STARTS at £19 and can go up from there. I will not send anything un-tracked.

#Some fucking humans are just intolerably stupid. I wish i could just leave.

[feralhogs]

ANSWER 1 THROUGH 65 HO

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

WPOOOOO LETS GO 

Y E E T

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

nnnnooooooo. its called holding onto my last marble.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. sometimes i can freak myself out going to the bathroom at night but bro. i take walks at like 11pm or whenever the hell i please. and i LIKE IT.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

i would not care to meet dick face

4. What is your favorite word?

worm

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

well darn i dont really knowwww!!!!!!! the big jungle one from minecraft. but i love weeping willows of course.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didnt think

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my pyjama shirt from new vegas. las vegas. oh my god. not that i went there. my friend did. ive been wearing it for 3 days now. because its fine.

8. What do you label yourself as?

androgynouOOUUSSSSSSS i heard it described the most accurately for me as “in between blue and pink, purple is a blend while not being either of them.” yes this SPECIFICALLY. i could never be feminine while female presenting, but now that im usually read as masculine i go around seeming gay as fuck. and even though this sounds like heresy considering how i instinctively want to throat punch people who feminize me, i have comfortably considered myself a woman lately ONLYYYYYYYY BY being as butch as a butch can possibly butch. maybe without the cars. i would NEVER go by she/her NEVER NEVER NEVER. like there literally are butch women who go on T and use he/him pronouns. that brings me euphoria too and i find people reallllyyyyyy get mind-bent at this point. i really also get irritated at the idea that identifying with both lessens one or the other... thats why i like the purple thing so much. like im 100% of the thing. i was watching on queer eye, once, there was this part where all these women met up and one of them who was really masculine was saying how “a woman can look like this too” and i was like “i am probably crying for an important reason right now” and sometimes i feel attraction to women that is nOT of the ManTM just... i can do what i want. 

but my point is it’s like im only happy if i have a blend. theres even a particular quality of it i can put my finger on, like a rugged, handsome feel... and then a flamboyant, passionate feel... mix em all up... 

9. Bright room or dark room?

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT 

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

transition juice, or fucking around with cs paint with some gentle existential dread

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this one, because my life is not hell, and i know a few basics about adulting now

12. Who told you they loved you last?

the sister. i said it for damage control because she had blown a fuse the other day. i was being very fake on purpose because i’m not being vulnerable with someone who will blow up. when she says it all i feel is pain. like cold paralyzing needles in my soul. i cant say i love you to her and mean it, even if i want to. honestly i wish people would say this to me. the most i love yous i remember are from family members putting band aids on the wreckage of our relationships, so i can feel a little twang of guilt and longing for what could have been and should have been. and feel like i should be doing something more. and feeling awkward because you both know they fucked up and it’s the elephant in the room. and i can feel their confusion and sickness causing them pain, feeling that pain for them. 

13. Your worst enemy?

hmmm. anyone who made me feel like less than i am. anyone 

14. What is your current desktop picture?

cherry blossoms and a city at night that i stole off the internet

15. Do you like someone?

like like crushes right? i fucking wish. i am so god damn sick of myself. i dont feel fuck or shit for anyone. its a fucking wasteland. yes im on T so i want to fuck anything that moves. and yet? can i please have some feelings? please may i have some feelings? not aesthetic appreciation. not moral, personality appreciation. or even just a deep respect and compassion. these are all fine things of course. but cant someone just drive me crazy? cant i have that extra spice of life? cant i just have a little bit of happy crazy? i will know a perfectly lovely person and ill WANT to have feelings for them. but i FUCKEN DONT. I DONT!!!! SHIT!!!!! WHAT IS THE MEANIGN?!?!??!??!?!1 i have fucking YET to meet anyone im more obsessed with than some really gay ocs. come on universe!!!! bring it!!! poor oscar. poor fucking oscar. whatever wavelength im vibing on man you are not on it. i wish you were on it. i wish you were on it oscar. you are hot you are hot with your bike oscar. and the rose quartz i gave you. the rose quartz you wanted. but i feel no authentic electric connection to you. i feel like all i just see is how your brain works with a coolheaded certainty. all i do is analyze what you are wearing so i can be as hot as you. maybe id like to draw you. and girls from work. you are so beautiful and amazing. i see you in bikinis on instagram. and im like oh beauty standards. look at you go, adhering to them. my heart rate goes right along at the same old pace. dont tell me this is principles. does someone have to smell bad? like edward cullen?? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SEDUCE ME?!!!?? ID LOVE SOME EXTRA WILL TO LIVE! THEN MY STORIES WILL BE BETTER!!!! see this is the whole problem

16. The last song you listened to?

what am i to you by finn the human or actually that asgore fight song that i do not know the context of and dont want to until i play the game for myself

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would save this button for a karen.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

jk rowling. every time i see her face in a news article about why her bland new transphobia anvil book is pretty bland without addressing the raging transphobia in it and around it, i take a minute and contemplate shoving a pie in her face, and agonizing that i cannot do it from this distance.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

a... slave? is this a kink thing? im fucking laughing this is going to be so honest. probably a toxic person from my past i have unresolved sexual tension with, especially since i was in my abused kid shell and was a huge doormat so now im all vengeful with issues. since this is totally something i am open to considering right now i would like to browse this concept’s menu

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

yknow what? yknow what? i am just going to say all of me. i am feeling very body positive right now. i often feel isolated as fuck because of trans stuff and male body standards, but thats Also What Makes Me Special :) i like me, i like my face, i think i am very cool and unique, and i can walk fast.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

GOD DAMN IT THIS FUCKING QUESTION AGAIN

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

yes. but it’s a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

deep sea creatures. idk. even if its small and not even ugly. i just lose my fucking mind. i jump out of my chair. i get the heebies and the jeebies.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

okay. chicken. cheese. something spicy so it wont be boring. a fuck ton of veggies so i can be healthy. and some olives, fuck olive haters.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

IM GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY LANDLORD <3

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico city to see what all my friends are talking about.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

............................................................................

w    h       y

okay. i would go around tasting a bunch of fucking. really fancy old wines. listen i dont really drink okay. but with a very fancy old wine i can go around with a like, glass and look really sophisticated and tell gay things to gay people. hello boys. so id find one that strategically i would like the most for the rest of my life and choose it. and if its expensive i can sell it.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i would stick a bell in the middle of it and all of us have to go there at six o’clock and throw bread at each other and fuck.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

cunt. i dont really use it ever, but boy it can pack a punch! 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

that means my trees because theyre living things? good. my phone. i need it to function. everything else i have on the clouds and i can just write on a napkin if i really need.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

:( 

i wanna say nothing because the good and the bad made me who i am and all that. and they’re learning experiences and healthy stuff. but some of my sisters abuse that has destroyed my psyche, literally just ruined my life, it would make things easier if that hadnt happened.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

WHAT I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS LIFE STOP TELL ME HOW I GET THERE

Okay i’m moving to... greece and i’m going to study ancient greek everything and live right on the edge of the sea where the water’s lapping the doorsteps. and im gonna learn greek by immersion

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

i am not surprised whatsoever death is a cool entity.

probably someone who died really sadly and too soon in my life (no one close to me thank god) but just as a service to society

34. What was your last dream about?

wolves with bombs were chasing me around a giant university. it was all part of the game. i was trying to protect some people... soldiers were chasing me... i was hiding under the floor... hiding from authorities and war are VERY common dreams for me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Writer? Yes. am i saying that to sound full of myself? no. i am fighting very hard to maintain some self-confidence. i have done some writing recently and i am proud as fuck of myself. i caught myself thinking, “now that was banging, i know that was banging.” and so i just admitted it to myself.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nooooot reeeaaaalllyyyyyy. i went in an ambulance for my face swelling up! still dont know if i needed to. still think i was allergic to the person i was talking to at the time. seriously when i stopped talking to them the hives went away. they literally gave me hives sdjfnskjndsjknfkjsfnjskdnfdsjknfjknf

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

they have inuyashas on them

39. What type of music do you like?

dark, longing, aching, angry, raw, disappointed, serious, low songs that get intense as fuck.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises for the concept, sunsets for the looks

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

you know what? i dont really like milkshakes. they dont feel good in my tummy even if it’s not my stomach having a fucking meltdown.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

the fuck is football

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, most of them are from dermatillomania, two big cool-looking ones on my hands from touching a cookie sheet without an oven mitt and pouring microwaved coffee all over my thumb because literally every inch of the counter had a foot of dishes on it and i didn’t simply heat up the water normally because everything was dirty

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i want to be a psychologist and an author

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id like a dong please

46. Are you reliable?

yeeeeeesssssss...... but the adhd wins sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

future self: even if you’re in a worse off place than where i am right now, don’t regret anything, don’t beat yourself up. sometimes it’s realistic to have hope. you don’t have to be hard on yourself all the time just because it’s familiar and natural to you. so stop thinking “if i see a note from my past self ill be filled with rueful self awareness”

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes. i feel like im saving my soul a little and taking some power back when i am able to say “that hurt, that was wrong, and you don’t get access to me anymore, i don’t have to forgive you” it’s admitting that my own pain is real so i can listen to and protect myself. i wish i was more of a forgiving person but i spent too much time trying to forgive unorganically for the sake of being moral that i just can’t, can’t can’t now. it hurts so existentially and i deserve better. time for me to be mean and hold grudges. a little mean is okay.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a DOG  CAT????????

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“doesn’t having a human-shaped robot with smoke coming out of it in the corner of your shop scare you late at night?”

“yes, sometimes i see it and jump a little”

51. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i’m dedicated. getting my birth certificate back? oscar worthy

52. How long could you go without talking?

i live like this lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

once upon a time i had bangs. and a bob cut

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes bitch

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes bitch i can do a convincing british accent but i don’t want to broadcast that fact because being british is cringe and plus my name is gordon and im already trans and interested in cooking and my greatest fear is that people think i am trying to become him when i am deeply offended when people assume i make personal decisions for anyone other than myself. no one has ever actually voiced this theory to me but it haunts me late at night. i can honestly probably do any accent if i listen to it for a little bit. i find it very easy to imitate sounds and like individual speaking styles to the point of stealing them even when i dont want to. like actually this is something that just comes to me easily i think.

56. What do you like on your toast?

fuck toast. i make a grill cheese. cheese and garlic.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

i tried digitally painting a generic girl who ended up looking really simliar to someone i went to school with only i made the eyes way too small and i would show you except it’s too much work

58. What would be you dream car?

vw bug with giant monster wheels, black with flames, big booming stereo. eyelashes in a drag way. ill run pickup trucks off the road

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i sang in the shower back when i felt free to annoy everyone in the house. oH WAIT IT DOESNT ANNOY PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND TO ME

...........

they taught me i was annoying. ANYWAY. i am too shy to sing in the shower but id love to. i dont really do anything unusual except that i take really long in there but yknow im not actually doing what people think im doing when i take long. im literally just sitting there decomposing, head empty.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes, of course, i have been telling everyone theres water under mars since day one and now look. now look

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yes. im a sagittarius and clearly it is needed because CLEARLY theres no other fucking sagittariuses

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G, because my name starts with that and i’m just great. really, i like... it has a chonk to it. like a reliable chonk to it

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

YKNOW WHAT? im going with dragons because of the fantasy, fire breathing and so on but yknow for my wip i was going to have both dragons and dinosaurs at a reptile like shelter

64. What do you think about babies?

i think they should be loved and nurtured, but they are too much work for me to want for myself at this point of life, and you should definitely read some manuals before having one if you can because people can and do mess this the fuck up

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t ask anything here so im just going to tell you something. i am going to tell you that i have always been so hell bent on writing even when i hate it because sometimes when things are going well i feel like i am just so in another world and i feel like im doing something im really really supposed to do. it is such a euphoria and it has an effect on my whole aura. i really wish i had never made myself stop but we can’t change the past so i shall just have to never stop again.

THANKS HOOOOO

#chatty #notthecanadianaverage #bug