#they COULD be motivated they COULD be productive

[reiding-writing]

Congrats on 1000 followers! That's such a huge milestone! For the climacteric event, could you do a continuation of 'Takedown'? Maybe a role reversal, where cold!reader witnesses a badass moment from Spencer (whether his 'takedown' is physical or verbal is up to you) and gets flustered about it? I love your cold!reader series so much, it's such a great character dynamic with the rest of the cast!! Congrats again!

TAKEDOWN [CLIMACTERIC]

/ˈteɪkˌdaʊn/ /part one/

Spencer might be a know-it-all, but at least he actually knows the things that he talks about.

WARNINGS: fem!reader, just some guy being really obnoxious and annoying, mild mansplaining

spencer reid x cold!reader || fluff || 2.4k || event masterlist!!

a/n: we’re gonna ignore i uploaded this prematurely and just focus on the fic thanks 😭🫶

main masterlist!! ⋆｡°✩ cold!reader masterlist!!

this is a continuation of my original ’takedown’ fic for cold!reader with a role reversal!

Spencer wouldn’t say that he liked to ‘show off’.

He knew he was smarter than most people, and his teammates knew he was smarter than most people, and that meant that when he displayed his intelligence to provide important details about a case, the team would take his word for it.

It saved a lot of time in explanations for where he got his information from and allowed for profiles to be built at twice the speed.

But sometimes asking someone to quote a source was necessary.

Case in point, a police detective from Indiana who just would not leave the BAU team alone as they tried to curate a profile for the serial killer they were hunting.

Some of his muses, most definitely flukes in knowledge, actually did have a productive outcome.

“A majority of stabbing cases have an underlying sexual motive, so I’ve taken the liberty of looking into the sex-offences registry for anyone who could be our killer,”

And some…

“Have we considered the possibility that our killer is actually killers, I mean if you look at the stab patterns across the victims, there’s a clear dominant and submissive personality no?”

…were the exact opposite.

“What you’re seeing is a progression of the unsub’s confidence,” Spencer shook his head slightly at the detectives attempt at an explanation. “The slashes are only jagged and uncertain in the two first victims, with all of the victims after that displaying much more confident wounds, which clearly shows the evolution of one individual, not multiple,”

He didn’t like having to shut other people’s trains of thought down, it was something that he’d gone through enough to not want to put anyone else through it, but when they were the complete opposite of productive, sometimes it was for the best.

It was remarkably easy to tell when somebody had read something on the internet rather than actually going through the training required to be competent in a certain specialty. Especially when it came to the forensic side of things.

Throwing in key words like dominant and submissive personalities didn’t mean that he knew what he was on about. It just meant that he’d read a few case articles on a certain subject and then passed that off as a rounded understanding of whatever concept he was trying to explain.

And it was really frustrating.

“What’s wrong with you today?” You enter the put aside meeting room with narrowed eyes, a cup of takeout coffee in your hand that serves as a relic of you being able to escape from the hellhole that Spencer was inherently trapped in.

“It’s nothing, i’m alright,” He presses his lips into that awkward smile of his, but it lacks any of the genuity that it’s usually accompanied by, merely a shell of a smile that Spencer knows you’re not buying.

A quirk of your eyebrow is the only push needed for his façade to break immediately.

“It’s just—” Spencer exhales heavily through his nose, biting the inside of his mouth in a will for him to keep himself together. “I’m just frustrated.”

You gesture with your head for him to continue, and it’s like you’ve blown a hole in a dam with how fast everything comes tumbling out.

“Officer Harrison keeps interrupting the investigation and talking about absolute nonsense under the guise of it being objective fact and I’ve spent so long correcting him that I haven’t actually managed to do anything,” He gets it all out in a single breath, and it’s honestly quite impressive to watch until he’s caught at the end with barely any air left in his lungs and has to take a moment to catch it up.

“I just wish he would leave me alone,”

You haven’t met Officer Harrison, too busy with the coroner and taking interviews, but if you had to make an educated guess you’d say Spencer’s apparent frustration was well founded.

He wasn’t one to exaggerate things.

“Tell him to then,” You shrug out your answer like it’s easy, leaning your lower back against the table to sip at your coffee.

“I’m not like you,” Spencer sighs exasperatedly, his shoulders in a slump alongside his mind. “I can’t just— scare people off,”

You give a small quirk of your eyebrow at his assessment of your personality, and Spencer can see the small traces of amusement in the corners of your mouth. “You have the authority Reid, you outrank him tenfold,”

“I know, I just—” Spencer shrugs, defeated. “I don’t know, I just can’t,” He uncaps his marker to return to the barren whiteboard to try and actually get some decent headway on the profile with a solemn expression, submitting himself to the inevitability of having to do two jobs at once.

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Your offer sounds almost like an assassination proposal, monotonous and almost too serious.

“No,” Spencer shakes his head lightly. “No it’s alright, it’s not your problem, I’ll be okay,”

“You’e sure?”

“Yeah,” He gives you a small nod over his shoulder, lips pressed into a line as a grateful but dismissive smile. “Thanks anyway,”

You push yourself from the table with a sigh, joining Spencer at his side to pull the marker from his hand.

“Wh—“

“Go make yourself a coffee Reid.” You cap the marker with a knowing tilt of your head, putting it away in your back pocket so he can’t try and take it back from you. “You need to take five and calm down, you aren’t going to get anything done like this,”

You can see the want to turn your idea down, to say that he’s fine and not affected by the officer in his expression, but you both know it’s not something to be acted on, and so gives you a small nod with an exasperated exhale as he drags himself out of the meeting room to do as you’d asked.

He’s grateful for it really, the warm ceramic under his hands serving as a grounding point and sickly sweetness of the drink as it reaches his taste-buds a welcome distraction from the rampant frustration inhabiting his prefrontal cortex, but that small voice in the back of his head continues to torment him about the inevitability of having to deal with the officer again and all of th

He knows he should at least try to let it go over his head. If he stepped back into the meeting room like he was you probably wouldn’t even let him get one foot in the door before sending him on a longer break, but he didn’t want a break, he wanted to work, to crack this profile open and actually make some real headway.

He just needed to take a second to breathe.

When he does return to the meeting room, you’re not alone anymore, and Spencer can practically feel the amount of will power you’re using to keep your mouth shut as Officer Harrison rambles on about something he’s not quite close enough to hear yet.

“…very unlikely for that to actually happen,” The officer points to a section of scrawl you’d added to the whiteboard after Spencer’s departure, something about brief episodes of mania as a possible reason behind the unsub’s violent attacks.

“That’s not actually true, it’s been disproved dozens of times over,” You shake off his attempt at over-explaining your own theory to you with a full tone and a shake of your head, a clear indication for him to leave you alone.

He doesn’t of course, and Spencer swears he sees your eye twitch as Officer Harrison continues to talk aimlessly.

“I’m just saying, there’s research to support the idea that serial killers make their crimes more gruesome than they need to post-mortem so they can plead insanity in court if they’re caught,” He raises his hands in mock surrender, and you quirk your eyebrow at his explanation.

“And where did you get that information from?”

“A doctorate thesis paper from Stanford,” Officer Harrison crosses his arms like he’s secured a victory over you in knowing something that an expert doesn’t. “You’ve probably never read it, it was an investigation into the differences between legal and clinical insanity, and it concluded that serial murderers over gruesomise their kills to plead legal insanity in court despite being completely sound of mind,” He points back at your scribbling with his index finger, knocking his knuckle against the board. “So this theory isn’t worth looking into sweetheart, trust me,”

The use of the placeholder ‘pet’ name makes your eyebrows furrow until there’s a prominent frown line between them. “I have read that paper, for your information,” You spin the whiteboard marker between the fingers of your left hand, likely a way to expel some of the tension in your muscles as you grow increasingly frustrated with the man.

“You don’t have to lie sweetheart, it’s alright, no one’s expecting you to have read an 85,000 word paper from almost a decade ago, I just like to educate myself in my free time,” He shrugs with a nonchalant expression, but there are traces of what’s almost condescendion in his tone and Spencer decides it’s time to stop this little debate before Officer Harrison ends up with a broken nose and you end up getting a very long talk from Hotch.

“She wrote it,” Spencer presses his lips into a tight line as he walks around the table to join you at the whiteboard.

“Excuse me?” The officer blinks at Spencer blankly, eyebrows knitting together in a mix of confusion and a slight amount of irritation at Spencer’s intrusion.

“The thesis paper you’re talking about? She was the one who wrote it,” He nods his head in your direction, and he can physically see the way the officer’s air of intellectual superiority drains from his face.

“And I’m not actually convinced that you’ve read the whole thing yourself, everything you mentioned was part of the paper’s abstract, which at an average reading speed of 238 words per minute, should have only taken you a minute and 24 seconds to read, rather than the 5 hours and 54 minutes to read the whole thing,” Spencer feels a little guilty for how good the drop in Officer Harrison’s face makes him feel, but it’s easily overrun by inherent relief at getting the frustration off his chest.

“Can you name anything important from that paper apart from what you just mentioned? Anything at all?” The frustration underlying Spencer’s tone was obvious, and it was almost gratifying for you to watch him take a stand in his own beliefs for once.

There’s a few moments where he pauses, giving Officer Harrison the very slim opportunity to redeem himself and prove he had actually read through the whole document.

Neither of you needed to watch him try and stumble through his answer to know that he didn’t.

“Maybe if you had read it you’d know that the ‘fact’ you just mentioned, was proportional to the percentage of serial murderers that weren’t diagnosed with any mental illness prior to their arrest, which was only 63% of the total sample that was analysed. 114 of the murderers were actually diagnosed with some form of clinical psychosis, which is still entirely probable for the unsub that we’re looking for,” There’s a lingering trace of snark dousing Spencer’s tone, joined by an elevated sense of conviction as he narrows his eyes towards Officer Harrison. “Or maybe you’d at least remember that it was actually 97,502 words long, not 85,000,”

The fact that Spencer recalled such specific details of your thesis shouldn’t be a shock to you, his eidetic memory was practically a staple of his character after all, but considering you weren’t even aware he’d read it in the first place until five minutes ago made that revelation hit you just a little harder than it probably should.

“If you want to act like an expert in something, become an expert in something,” Spencer crosses his arms and it may as well have been a done deal. “Don’t pass off surface level, incorrect information as objective fact, all you’re doing is slowing the real experts down,”

The assertiveness in his tone, whilst occasionally used when arguing his point for a specific topic, was much more present as he shut down the Officer, and it was almost a little too gratifying to watch the wind get knocked out of his sails at Spencer’s reprimand.

“Now if you’d please excuse us, we have a profile to work on,” He gestures to the whiteboard with his head, and Officer Harrison is off like a whippet, retreating out of the room with his tail between his legs and a traffic light red coating his face from the embarrassment.

You give a dragged out whistle as the door closes. “Congratulations on telling him to leave you alone,”

Spencer laughs almost pathetically. Was he really so socially inept that he had to be congratulated on standing up for himself?

“Thanks,” He presses his lips into that typical Spencer smile as he fiddles aimlessly with the button on the cuff of his right sleeve. “And uh, thanks for letting me handle it on my own,”

You shrug nonchalantly. “You asked me to,”

“I know, I just— thank you,”

“It’s nothing to thank me for Reid,” You shake your head dismissively, but Spencer knows you’ve accepted his thanks through the slight quirk in the corners of your mouth that break the ever-present scowl that cements itself on your face. “I didn’t know you read my thesis,”

Spencer blinks for a moment before giving you a small and enthusiastic nod. “Three times actually, it’s extremely well written from a logical perspective, and the transcripts from the interviews you held were very interesting,”

And there’s the Spencer you knew.

“You’re an incredible psychologist, it’s no wonder you skipped your bachelors,” He emphasises his words with exaggerated head movements that make the curls of his hair bounce against his forehead.

“Thank you, Reid, that’s very sweet,” There’s a fondness to your voice that you’d deny if he pointed out, but you’re trying much less to hide it from Spencer than you would from anyone else in your team.

Spencer Reid had read your thesis three times. You wouldn’t be surprised if he knew it better than you did. You’re almost certain he knew it better than you did. He could probably recite the whole thing word for word where chunks of it had already been forgotten in your mind.

It wasn’t exactly something revolutionary, but it may as well have been.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds fluff #climacteric 🪶

[strawglicks]

cathal is a rlly fun character to dive into when it comes to his mental state and general view on life. they seek too much for a "meaning" to the things they do, and if they dont see a meaning or a point to it, it demotivates them from engaging in it at all. it causes them to slack off so much in their work bc they dont see an end goal to it, considering they find the toons vs cogs war pointless. if the cycle's just gonna repeat whats the point of trying? whats the point of doing any of his work?

and while this is frustrating to an outside perspective aka their coworkers, its clear that cathal is. depressed. their constant exhaustion, lack of motivation, and general apathy and carelessness points to this. these aren't just things any ordinary lazy person does.

HOWEVER i think its worth mentioning that, due to their environment, cathal has BECOME lazy, which might make the underlying issue (depression) less obvious . what i mean is, his job is directly harming his mental state bc it basically encourages his apathy and carelessness. they have everything handed to them without trying, so whats the point. when they get in trouble, their dad makes sure they keep their job, so whats the point of following the rules. they dont even need to do any real work bc, again, no matter what, they wont lose their job. so whats the point?

this will definitely steer someone in a more lazy direction even tho the root problem is something more serious . cathal is now unwilling to do even the smallest of tasks and would rather have his coworkers do them instead, as shown in that one comic from a few months back (i dont feel like grabbing it ill just assume you know what im talking abt LMAO)

this has also given them a bit of an ego! which is very bad. they actively take pride in their ability to waste time and how they dont have to try. which isnt something one should be proud of or strive for. its very unhealthy

i hope this gets built on and cathal doesnt get boiled down to "lol look how lazy this character is all they do is eat and sleep!!!" bc i think the laziness drives from a deeper issue . and their job rlly isnt helping

#toontown #ttcc #toontown corporate clash #toontown multislacker #cathal bravecog #cathal ray toby bravecog #my big juicy brain in full effect #so. #i had a bunch of cathal thoughts. didnt wanna make a structured organized psot #heres this wall of rambles #i just love thinking and talking abt him . he is so fascinating #need to study his deteriorating mental state #ALSO the fact that they can get a lot done when properly motivated #further proves that. the issue is not just laziness #they COULD be motivated they COULD be productive #but. this job just doesnt have stakes that motivate cathal

[welcometogrouchland]

I love Steph's origin as told in the Secret Origins 80 page giant- I just overall think it strengthens her character by giving her a lot of pathos and adding to her heroism (which isn't something writers were focused on in her actual intro in detective comics #647 since she was just meant to act as a plot device back then) BUT there is one tiny detail in it i will begrudge, and that is the portrayal of her having a minor love at first sight moment for tim

Secret origins 80 page giant, ID in alt

(or well, technically this was their second meeting in that story (the brick was the first) so...love at second sight?)

Mostly because Stephanie showed no interest in her introduction and only showed romantic feelings towards Tim AFTER this moment here:

Robin (1993) #4, ID in alt

Straight up the progression here goes:

The adventure in 'tec where they first meet -> Tim investigating the same crime scene as Steph -> she beats him up not knowing it's him at first, apologizes but says he shouldn't have scared her -> he remembers her/the moniker she goes by -> they talk about plot for a few pages -> Stephanie starts flirting

Robin (1993) #4, ID in alt

Which...is so fascinating to me and says so much about Stephanie. She highlights the fact that Tim "remembered" her. Like. Steph. Girl. This is our bar? It's sweet but kind of speaks to how much Stephanie is ignored at home/how little and sporadically she's shown interacting with her peers (and rarely ever the same kids twice). Her idea of peak romance is just...being on someone's mind even when you're not there.

Kind of also adds layers to Steph's proclivity towards jealousy later on, a manifestation of her insecurity and loneliness (though don't get it twisted, she's not written this way bc Dixon and co think it's an interesting character flaw, they wrote it bc they think it's an inherent character flaw of (particularly young) women/girls, which is very apparent in how he approaches Ariana's character as well from what I've read)

Also the fact that Steph becomes so smitten for Tim almost immediately after this is (a few issues later she aggressively flirts with him during AN ACTIVE HOSTAGE SITUATION. WHERE SHE'S THE HOSTAGE) again is kind of a mixture of kind of funny and sad. One boy is nice to her once and she's fully ready to wife him. Girl you are deranged (affectionate) (concerned)

#ramblings of a lunatic #dc comics #stephanie brown #tim drake #timsteph #meta #< ??? ig #robin 1993 #made this post and forgot to finish. saved it in drafts. saw posts that annoyed me. proceeded to finish it #the subset of fans who think they're doing a righteous feminism by giving steph more flaws than she has in canon...headaches #yes flawed female characters are important representation no i dont think you projecting chuck dixons conservative values onto her- #-is doing her character a great favour. if so you need to commit to the bit and make tim a stone cold nark /j #sorry okay im done vaguing. there's real things going on in the world that matter. the bad take is the mind killer etc etc #anyway the zero to 100 progression of early timsteph is fascinating. on the one hand i know it's mostly a product of its time #both in terms of portrayals of romance (esp teen romance) and partially of women and girls by dixon (not extremely boy obsessed- #-but there's a. dark shadow of the boy crazy trope. a gentle whiff of it in the air. just a little) #but bc this aspect isn't blatantly/egregiously author bias i choose to analyse it #i could also analyse how steph in general is portrayed as liking guys she can't/shouldn't have a little #(her crush on the much older detective in bg2009 and also tim a little bit w/ the secret identity thing) #(but that's a whole other discussion. also that aspect of the romance in bg2009 is. also a little sexistly motivated- #-and also dropped part way through to an extent so like..not exactly ripe for analysis) #ANYWHO i love you Steph <3 you're unwell and yet so adorable and compelling Steph <3

[rileys-battlecats]

gonna post some animation practice in a couple days!! Procreate Dreams has been equal parts fun and frustrating to figure out lol

#rye.txt #literally so happy I could actually like #finish a project #been in a bad space creatively lately and couldn’t find the motivation for any of my projects #but the past few days have been good!! #and I’m happy with how the final product turned out!!

[neet-aspirant]

20–02–2024, Tuesday

I've got psychology finals tomorrow. *screaming, crying, throwing up* i hope it goes really well 😃🕯

2 hour lecture

psychology

ranting in tags

#honestly regretting my life choices #WHOO DA HECK TOLD ME TO TAKE UP PSYCHOLOGY AS THE 6TH SUBJECT #!?!?!? #1. it was an option 2. i could have not opted for it 3. i had a choice 4. i had 3 months to change my decision as well #BUT NOOO I HAD TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT AND STUDY THIS GODDAMN SUBJECT AND WAIT FOR THE BOARD REGISTRATION FOR NEXT YEAR TO GET OVER UNTIL #I FINALLY STARTED REGRETTING MY STUPID DECISION #i hate u bianca di i mean i love u but i hate that i got SO motivated by seeing u take up science AND psych that i opted for it the minute #it was my turn WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT #oooh my god i hate this i hate this i hate this #I'll hate this into a wonderful paper #just wait & watch #productivity #neetcore #neetblr #studyblr #study motivation #studying #neet #neet preparation #stem #study blog

[ashs-reverie]

46 Days until finals

Topics I covered in Psychology today:

Perceptual Constancy

Illusions

Did some textback questions

Things i need to do tomorrow:

More of Psychology (ofc)

Review stack of flashcards (which i have been ignoring for more than a week)

Learn atleast 5 more (just. five. but i dont think my brain would let me do those either cos flashcards are too intimidating :')

Last 10 nights of ramadan start from tmrw so inshaAllah hopefully i am able to do a bunch of stuff in the day and not waste my time :)

#ashsreverie.study #<- this is my tracking tag #? #idk how that really works #so if someone could enlighten me plss #studyblr #study blog #studyspo #exam preparation #studyblr community #study inspiration #student #study #study motivation #psychology student #dop #productivity

[skibasyndrome]

You crave the Applause / Yet hate the Attention // Wilmon

He can't really pinpoint when exactly it started or where it really came from, but there's just something about the way Simon praises him. Or: How Wilhelm realizes that maybe, if you squint a little, he might have a praise kink.

(rated E, 1.8 k words)

Read on AO3

I am obsessed with head-canoning this and if you are, too (or even just slightly interested), I hope you enjoy <3

#somehow..... this new found motivation is giving me a production speed i've never known before #anyways in-need-for-praise-wille is a topic i could talk about FOR HOURS #wilmon #wilmon fanfic #simon x wilhelm #wilhelm x simon #young royals fanfic #young royals #my fanfic

[lightdancer1]

See the further irony is:

That in using 'Mall Goth Sauron' as the take on Dark Willow over 'misogynist has character randomly killed for LULZ' it also allows for greater accountability on the one hand and for Season 7 to thematically focus on repairing all this damage in the midst of facing an enemy of shadows reliant on lies to further itself. The only way to break the Druj is the absolute Truth in a very Zoroastrian sense. Characters don't get to neatly skip past accountability for their actions, and this would spiral over into further later seasons with the essential reality that in an otherwise lower-level setting this one random girl from California is a Dark Phoenix-tier reality warper and the most powerful person on the planet, or the universe.

And the questions of how that power could and should be employed on the one hand and that Willow is essentially a Doctor Strange type who beats up Gods and Eldritch Abominations for her regular line of work where her counterparts deal with the more 'street level' crises would in turn be the logical conclusion of where the show ends. She doesn't do as much physical fighting for the same reason that Stephen Strange never uses magic to go punch the Hulk in the face, her narrative role is ultimately that of Sorceress Supreme of Earth, with literally nobody in an ancient established war anticipating that this one random ginger from California was and is the new Sorceress Supreme and that if they had had such awareness the realities are that this power would and could have taken worse forms.

Unfortunately for the world, the reality too is that it is a shy computer geek who has a not at all subtle dark side and the usual teenage anxieties and insecurities given the equivalent of being able to reliably actually do things other people might dream of but can never do.

But again as long as Dawn Summers being a good thing is a narrative convention that's established memory magic is a poor choice to show the corrupting effects of reality-warping. It's a case of 'yes as established in canon all of this is true for that one season but then they decided to retcon it, so the fans are not obligated to care about it any more than the canon does about this itself.'

#willow rosenberg #tara maclay #dawn summers #you will never convince me as long as Dawn Summers is a plot device that 'memory magic unforgivable' is anything but bad writing #it was the choice used but there are other equally toxic things that could have been done instead #the basic theme of 'very powerful person decides things for another in an abusive fashion' works just as well without it #Tara's growth arc in refusing to tolerate abuse even from the person who brought her out of her shell can stand perfectly fine #it works even better with a budding Sauron than abruptly deciding 'wholesale memory rewrites good retail unforgivable.' #killing Tara off also denies her any sense of closure or ability to get that closure with the person who does this #the entire element here with the way things went down is bad writing from Point A to point Z #and it's also easily forgotten but Tara wasn't in fact intended to be Willow's love interest #she was replacement Willow for sympathy points #her entire arc as such became Willow X Tara but it was a choice from actor chemistry #So in giving Tara a role besides 'Willow's Girlfriend' it arguably does better by her character #tara x willow #btvs #and yes yes the 'scale changes things' argument is true but only to a point #it's really no different to introduce Dawn than what Willow did #if the retail is wrong so is the wholesale and the decisions to make this that point of no return is an avoidable mistake #plus honestly imagine a Season 7 Tara going 'sweetie no' and a Season 7 Willow dealing with those consequences in real time #equally one can have Tara's cold turkey approach stick exactly as it was #and serve as her role in the time bomb because she's a product of an abusive family and not an infallible moral guide #she rightly sees the problem and at least tries to address it when nobody else did #but unfortunately her solution was pouring gasoline on the fire and then vacating the range where the fire would burn #still further between that and Willow being human enough to resent being told to take that pain and do it going it alone #there'd be plenty of reasons for a surviving Tara and Willow to spend season 7 broken up as is #Tara would not at all be wrong to be wary and not want to touch reformed Sauron with a 400 foot pole #Willow equally would resent someone whose bad advice helped create the problem and who evades any recognition thereof #good old fashioned drama with entirely human motives

[coffeebanana]

i have such a weird difficulty balancing real life productivity and creative productivity. like when if i'm having a day where i'm getting lots of things done irl, even if i block out 30m to write and i have the time, i'll be too tired or uninspired to get myself to do it. i'm basically overwhelmed by the concept of doing Real Life Things and Writing Things in one day i almost need to carve out entire days for writing if i want to really get any done. and kjfdnkj that then keeps me from getting life things done because i get into a writing cycle and i can't get myself to stop neglecting real life until i finish the chapter/oneshot/draft/etc... i'm working on. which can take days. and then it's harder to motivate myself to get back to the Real Life Things

#kayla rambles #this was definitely...a big factor in my not being successful in grad school #though not the only one because i also could not bring myself to care about the research. and...other things regarding my supervisor #but lately i HAVE been caring about life things! #i'm taking care of my space and myself better again which has been a problem these past years #and i'm okay mostly if that means less writing time #but i know soon enough i'll be back working again and it'll get even harder to find writing time #ironically i'll be motivated to do more life things probably #but kjdbfsfkd i want to find a way to be creative too #and i DO think i'm getting better at balancing the two but aaaah it's an eternal struggle #today was suppose to be a writing focused day #but because i put too many other things on my to do list it overwhelmed me and i was like nah #but if it's a life productive day with NO writing i could have even more things on my to do list and be absolutely fine #it's so weird kajfbgkfdjf

[hella1975]

tbf i really deserved to lose that poll im stupid af

#i need to come off the pill it’s not funny anymore 😂🙏🏼 #like it was already hard getting myself motivated for a degree i hate and then there’s the adhd shit on top of that #which is literally the productivity killer but now the pill on top of all that has just taken any fear factor i might have had #like i don’t feel anything I’m not nervous there’s no concept of repurcussions in my mind #and it’s meant I’ve basically hardly fucking studied and it’s entirely my fault and im GOING to fail #like you cannot walk into a uni exam with the barebones knowledge i have and still pass you just can’t #like i spent all of yesterday trying to study and i didn’t get anything fucking done until 11pm #when I did like. a solid hour. that’s it #and it’s so frustrating bc it’s like well why didn’t you just study #and im like i CANT it’s like an actual physical block stopping me #and ik thats the adhd but I could handle it before I knew if I left it last minute the panic would set in and I’d be suddenly productive #but now? nothing #i just don’t feel anything ever and haven’t since literally march #and even that the only reason i remember it as march so vividly is bc i had a fucking depressive episode #physically the pill has done bits but it’s shredded the little mental stability i had and now we’re here and I’m failing my stupid degree #even now it’s like. why am I on tumblr. the exam is in 1.5 hours. i have so much to do bc i did nothing yesterday #and instead of me feeling panic or guilty or ANYTHING? #nothing. just absolutely nothing it’s like im not even here #hella goes to uni

[m-for-now]

Improving in your life is actually kinda hard and sucks, I'm gonna pretend I'm at the beginning of my anime arc now

#now this ones a hard one to tag #but can you tell i've just rewatched the Inarizaki match in Haikyuu? #probably not actually #but like damn #i'm gonna pretend Kita is someone i actually met #shinsuke kita #haikyuu kita #this is so random #writing this at almost 1am while eating slightly over-salted pasta after not being able to be productive on a day #(due to slight physical exhaustion and pain) #this is the regular #“i'm questioning my life in the middle of the night because what am i even doing” #do i ... do i tag this with HQ!!? #i only mentioned Kita in the tags... #well it can't hurt #pls Haikyuu people feel free to ignore this #haikyuu!! #inarizaki #haikyuu #honestly i could start getting into blue lock in the tags... #idk how many i have left though; i'm kinda just rambling #i hope no one wastes their time reading these #it's mostly to distract from my over-salted food #bc i was hungry but i'm too tired and would feel too bad throwing it away to get new food #it's not actually That bad #this is kinda pointless but hey #let's hope i can start my anime journey of kinda getting my shit together after i've slept #(i told myself this 500 times by now but like... it's gotta work at Some point) #and also ngl Haikyuu just kinda makes you wanna be A Person #i love all the arcs and motives and views and stuff. it's genuinely awesome

[rindemption]

I have a question

Posting my drawing practice and doodles and wips has, in the past, been a pretty effective way to get me to keep drawing. Accountability and all that.

Would there be any interest in seeing those posts here on my main blog, or would people rather I kept it to a side blog?

#sorry if this is a weird question #i just don't want to start posting drawings on my main if people aren't interested #as much as i wish i could self- motivate on the regular it doesn't always work #posting that I'm doing something puts it in my head that there's an expectation to finish it #which actually kinda works for me in most cases #whether or not it gets any interaction #but I'm well aware that I'm out of practice and my stuff doesn't look great right now #so i don't want to make anyone feel like they have to engage with something they didn't sign up to see #don't get me wrong #once I'm back on the horse anything I'm proud of is getting put on my main regardless #y'all are getting the chance to avoid the practice but the finished product is inescapable #I've got a migraine so I'm on a lot of painkillers right now I'll stop rambling 😅

[anoptimisticadventurer]

i'll be your valentine's if you'll... 💘

#happy valentine's day #i tried my best #but i have had a very struggling disappointed and self-depricated 3 weeks or so now #that being said #i kept my word and it is what is #you're looking at someone who just recently started getting active again and is slowly motivating themselves to be productive #please don't be mean and body shame #it wouldn't let me add the gifs naturally because apparently the mb was bigger than 10mb so oof #this was the best i could do #i was like 70% hard. i couldn't get myself super hard my apologies. i really really made an effort to do so but alas #anyways #i feel like shit but whatever life goes on and this feeling won't last forever. getting back on track 👍🏽 #i am going to be a-fucking-okay 👊🏽 #😊😊😊 #a rose colored tease #personal #🥀🖤 #stay sexy y'all

[wecandoit]

17.06.2022 // It’s past midnight and i’m too lazy to edit so we’re going ~unfiltered~ for today. Turns out I still prefer acrylic paint to watercolour…

🎧: make you mine - public ☁️

#now that i consider he could be a rendition of michelango’s david don’t you think #idk though #studyblr #studyspo #productivity #motivation #artblr #painting #art #student #student life #academia #original

[icewindandboringhorror]

Some recent pressed leaves and stuff to add to the collection :0

#LOV giant nasturtium leaves #and they press weirdly thin like when they dry out it's almost like a super super fragile sheet of tracing paper or something #I also just really enjoy collecting textures and patterns and stuff. like it's not really about them looking pretty but more just #something notable. like the cool dotted pattern or the stripey veiny looking one #I have so much I want to get done by the end of the year but have been so unproductive still lol ToT #I've had new costumes and like Actual Stuff To Post for probably 2 months now but they just sit in a folder and I forget about #them and like walk in circles talking to myself all day instead or something hhh #I think it's the classic cycle of like 'I am too stressed to be productive > the fact that i'm not being productive stresses me out > i am #even more stressed and no more productive > being unproductive stresses me out > so on and so forth forever' lol #or the 'I have so many goals in life and so much motivation and so many things I love and want to do > there are too many things to do #at once and it's overwhelming > do none of them instead' cycle lol #I think my main focuses in the new year though are to finally finish the worldbuilding slideshow. Do more costumes. And do more sculptures #since I haven't done a lot of those in a while. And still work on my games and short stories and stuff that takes place in my worldbuilding #world but those are more difficult longterm tasks so I think they should be like. not the MAIN main focus or else I'll never feel like I do #anything. I think that was the problem for the past while is that the things I had delegated as my Main Focuses That Go Above All Else #are so long and difficult and tedious that you never feel like you're making progress so it's like you're ignoring all the other stuff you #could be doing in favor of a thing that feels like you're not doing anything thus you get a chronic feeling of never finishing anything ever #Whereas like. I can do a sculpture in a day or two. and I can do costumes in a day or less. Having a steadier flow of Small Things i can fee #l like I'm actually accomplishing will maybe help it not just be like 'okay I spent a whole day doing somehting and have nothing tangible to #show for it because it's just text in a word document that probably nothing will ever even come of because it will take me years to finish' #The biggest insurmountable task at the moment is the worldbuilding slideshow but I am chugging through.. slowly lol.. It takes me about #2 hours to read 25 slides (they're not bullet points it's like little paragraphs on each slide). and I have about 800 to go. so thats.. #naur.. i shant even calculate it... plus editing one hour of vidoe usually takes about 2 hours so you double it. if I have that much recordi #ng of me reading slides to edit. then turning them all into a final video should take.... i cannot say. i shall not think of it #And I've just had a very stressful few weeks HOWEVER I just always like tp start the new year with stuff cleared like.. all of my messages I #haven't answered in 3+ weeks responded to. all of my emails to my doctors checked. house cleaned and organized. photos cleared and organized #off of the computer. everyting backed up in some sort of physical storage. clear out drafts. rewrite all of my main todo lists. decide prio #rities and yearly/monthly/weekly goals. consider the trajectory of my life and what I need to do. etc. etc. So I feel like I don't have any #time to waste and can't rest. yet.. alas.. It doesn't help that I feel sick out of nowehre like 50% of the time #I know some poeple can work/focus on tasks with body aches and etc. but my brain is just always like 'No. :)' .. grrrbb

[green-eyes-and-orange-ties]

Things I should be doing - my job

Things I've done - planned a 23chapter fanfiction where the chapters follow the character playlist I made and each chapter is titled accordingly ...

#So still a little bit productive... Maybe #I'm tempted to actually try to do write this ... Feel like AO3 has unlocked some kind of planning/posting/motivation thing #Could be fun to write (by fun I mean heartbreaking BC have y'all listened to Austin's playlist?) #night shift podcast #nsp #green rambles #Austin #Veil touched #Ember also features BC obvs I can't help myself #night shift pod