#theres too much going on all at once

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

#delete later #this is literally the worst time for a breakdown #i need to sleep to do the fun thung tomorrow. if i dont do the fun thing tomorrow i will fully regret it #i am panicking and on the verge of tears for no reason #theres too much going on all at once #and i love having ppl in the flat i do but fuck it always triggers the shit out of me #i am both really hapoy to see yhe person abd really happy shes coming to the thing. i am also terrified someone is gonna #go for me. its not logical. im fucking terrified #and theres so many unknowns tomorrow abd im freaking out. i managed to keep myself from aaking if i was allowed to travel #with them tomorrow when they sent me the timings. bc of course thats what that meant. it wasnt a heads up to avoid those times #but now im panicking about it bc not getting the reassurance is adding to the fear. even though the point of exposure therapy #is not getting reassurance for all intrusive thoughts. this is what im meant to do #im still freaking out. tye good thing is that the game specifies that if youre overwhelmed step outside #so i can escape if i need to and probably wont shut down #ill take my headphones abd my beanie and my safe items #i dont care if i look childish. i just gotta get through it to the enjoying bit #fucking. its not pity party time. wait like one week then you can have a breakdown. cut it off. cry at therapy #also want to reiterate i love that my flatmates have ppl round. uts good and nornal and GOOD #its entirely a me problem that ut freaks me out so badly. it breaks all the rules that were hammered into me abd i become convinced #im gonna be punished for disrespecting ppl. thats a me problem. i just cabt have it just be in ny head bc im gonna explode #time to play #will the weighted blanket allow me to better dissociate or make me feel every emotion and sob #neither options are fun!!!

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

Hiii everyone, say, how do your Hawkes go go about sharing their estate? If they do it at all? Is everyone free to come and go or are they more private? Or do they only invite their LI to stay? I'm curious!! :)

#lay rambles #my ocs #oc: liam hawke #oc: lilian hawke #both my hawkes are very social w their friends but i love comparing their boundaries around it #theres variation in rules for specific ppl with both of them ofc but theres still general differences #with liam its all very open and everyone can p much come and go whenever #they dont get extra keys (theyll get lost and he doesnt want randos finding them lol) but they know where to find the spare key #and bodhan and sandal and orana know to let them in whenever #hes very lenient in this this regard but he does have rules abt what he does and doesnt want them to do #mostly its about not making too much of a mess lol bc liam prefers to clean himself #(he doesnt trust the crew with his household and also he has particular ways of doing things and Hates when theyre done differently) #so things like keep your dirty garb at the entrance dont cook by yourselves (this was banned after they did it one (1) time lol) etc #also no fucking allowed. do that somewhere else for the love of the maker he does NOT want to walk into that in his own house #(and it also comes back to liam not trusting them with cleaning but also Not wanting to clean that up lol) #also he is not fond of them going into his room uninvited. most of the house is chill but that is *his* space #he accommodates these rules by e.g. having spare slippers and a little washing basin in the entrance hall for dirty shoes/feet #always makes sure to have snacks in stock that he knows they like #food will have notes abt what to leave for leandra/orana/etc but otherwise food is prepared with his friends in mind #and in general he'll make sure to adjust the space/routine in little ways to accommodate them #(air out when fen isnt there cus he doesnt like drafts; keep curtains open cus anders prefers open spaces; etc) #lilian on the other hand doesnt like when her friends come into the estate without a heads up (cept for emergencies) #but once they have her 'ok' its basically mi casa es su casa #dont yknow. overdo it and get too rowdy but otherwise do whatever #however. she also expects everyone to clean up after themselves. she aint here to play maid and youre all adults #also liam has a general 'please try to not be too wild when leandra is here' and lilian doesnt #not cos she doesnt care but cos leandra is bothered by sth she can speak up herself #oh and lilian uses the basement space as temporary refuge for anyone who needs it (mostly escaped mages) #also side note: both offered gamlen to stay but he refused (out of pride/remorse) #...this got long and i ran out of tag space lmfao so this is it for now xD

[puppyeared]

isnt it great when u take your adhd meds and instead of using that brainpower for stuff like ASSIGNMENTS. AND PROJECTS. your brain decides the next 6 hours will be brainstorming ponysona names and making oc playlists

#IM LITERALLY IN HELL. IM SCRATCHING AT THE WALLS IM ON MY HANDS AND KNEES HERE PEOPLE #im having fun. but i also hate it because i should be focusing. but im so bored. but i need to do SOMETHING interesting or ill DIE #i want.. to make a character with a cupid theme.. name ideas i have rn are 'heart throb' 'love letter' and 'yours truly' #and i have an idea for a ponysona. its name is ripple effect and its special talent is skipping stones #but im also in class rn and we're going over the next project and i KNOW i have so many ideas for it and i want to everything ALL AT ONCE #for the assignment we have to redesign a brand design system and im going claires because i fucking hate the shade of purple they use #but even if theres no problem energy wise my motivation levels go up and down. its so over its so back #ill be like i can get some of this done rn. and then ill be like oooh i got plany of time. and then ill be like what if i lied to #buy more time. and then ill be like there are so many steps this is too much. and it just. constantly switches between those rapidly #and because i hyperfocused on playing tetris yesterday i now have tetris running in the back of my head. wtf #yapping

[intotheelliwoods]

Gonna ask this to a few people that inspire me, but how do you take inspiration from things without feeling like whatever you make is just bad in comparison? Or like a downgraded version of the thing(s) that inspired you?

(If this is too negative feel free to delete/ignore, I'm sorry)

Oh gosh this is such an interesting question since, I dont think I really have feelings of thinking my version is bad? Or that I am just a copy?

I am honestly just grateful my work became as popular as it is in the first place haha- low expectations going in to begin with. That and, I am very aware my art style isnt as defined and polished as other peoples styles, but I have come to terms with this! And hey the improvement in my own artwork over the past year is a massive trip if you go back through some of my older stuff- I am improving, slowly.

I mean, 2AL started by complete accident, and was "inspired" from me wishing the Leos from OMO or MNMC would hug it out already- but if you were to compare 2AL to one of those, they are very different. Hell even comparing OMO and MNMC, same starting point, but still very different.

I think my only advice to other people trying to make an AU is to try and find some core theme/idea and work around that, rather than gather a bunch of little things from other sources you like into a big pile. Find some key message to start up a base with.

#asks #no seriously 2al was by COMPLETE accident #and then it exploded so I kept it going #oh well #also like!!!! #seriously #the people you are probably comparing yourself too #chances are just have wayyy more experience and practice than you #like!!!! dude sometimes it hits me how many of my friends and other “big blogs” are either #1. professional artists who do this shit for a living anyways #or 2. have been drawing digitally for way way longer than me #digital art is still new territory for me so I am giving myself some slack here #that and I have no interest in art for a career #this is just my side hobby! #yknow!!!! #for FUN!!!!!!!!!!!! #and wheres the fun in going #“damn this person who has years more experience than me and draws for a living is... somehow better at drawing than me this is so unfair” #answer: theres no fun in that #but also fr- #I have only been doing digital art consistently (in this style specifically) for. #a year- #deadass. #I have not done much art before all this outside notebook paper doodles #and the occasional once every month or two painting #all this is so new to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #im learning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #I deserve to give myself so so much slack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #I have also improved so much in the past year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #oops tag ramble

[larabar]

never getting over how. melancholy im here sounds

the chords in the chorus sound a little more triumphant at first but it kinda just sounds like a half victory. the pain of the journey is still there, even at the end of it all. but its alright. i will be with you. im here

#yeah im listening to it again #i dont think any song has had this much of an impression on me. MAN #its a leitmotif too ! while its not all over the place it definitely plays when it matters #when sonics losing himself. when he comes right back. when the journey is nearly over. when it truly is #as well as. gh the strings in the song 'friends' in the final horizon ost #and in the final battle #man when the. the guitar ? synth ? starts playing in the intro for the revisited version of im here. its different in the perfect way #sounds corrupted. still the same just. theres something off #whether thats for supreme and its whole deal with the end #or sonic and his newfound power regarding the corruption. idk #but. augh once it comes to the part. the turning point. the breakdown #when sonic decides its all out or nothing #now or never #and it REALLY picks up. #i dont even know where im going with this anymore its just music and a game with a nice story #but its so good #i love you music ily #sth #sonic frontiers spoilers #frontiers dlc spoilers #rambles #its midnight .

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hello helloo! i just read through your modern au and I'm in love (shocker), i wanted to ask if you'd give some more info on poppy? apologies if there's already a dedicated post to her, looking is not my specialty

there is not! i will gladly ramble!

~

in this au, Poppy is slightly less fearful than canon. this is for several reasons! 1) years of therapy. 2) anxiety meds. 3) teenage years of her friends dragging her out for Shenanigans & hyping her tf up! but she's still a worrywart! she's very cautious! she can and Will see the bad/dengerous side to every situation. but! now she has the tools to not only cope with but combat her intrusive thoughts & fears <3

i think i mentioned it before but she Did Not Realize she was trans until highschool! specifically, when she met Sally! Poppy had to stop by the theater department after school for some reason or another, and Sally noticed her looking longingly at the costume dresses (Poppy thought she was alone lol)

and while Poppy was mortified at being caught, Sally was delighted. they only knew each other in passing and from reputation but Sally started holding up dresses to Poppy and complimenting how well they suited her. (i could joke about how Sally could sniff out the lesbian in her before Poppy even knew she was a girl!) Poppy, flustered by the sudden attention and apparent acceptance, didn't know how to handle it and fled. then started avoiding Sally in the halls. but! eventually she had to go back for Insert Reason Here, and ofc Sally was there. this time around Sally is a little gentler and less assertive, but manages to coax Poppy into checking out the more ~feminine~ costumes again. thus begins their little meetings where Poppy tries on costumes and Sally is her biggest hypeman

it takes a while for things to Click in Poppy's mind! it isn't until she tries on a dress that Sally custom-made for her, wearing some makeup and a wig, that Poppy has her oh moment. unfortunately, some of their ~mutual friends~ (Wally, Barnaby, Howdy) walk in on them. there's a short, terrifying moment where Wally is all "who's your friend, Sally?" and Barnaby has to lean over to let him know "that's Poppy, bud". before Poppy can fully freak out, Wally immediately goes OH! and starts complimenting how pretty she looks. Barnaby chimes in next to ask if the dress is home-made bc it fits Poppy beautifully, Howdy nabs a necklace from the nearby gathered accessories and put it on her to "tie the outfit together". in short! Poppy finds nothing but support from her buddies & they're more than happy to help her figure out this new internal crisis / revelation

then of course eventually she's found out by her family, which goes very well (im using sarcasm! it goes terribly!). Poppy isn't outright disowned or kicked out or in immediate danger, but her relationship with her family is ruined by their transphobic bigotry. her friends have her back throughout this, and the guest room at the Beagle farm is always open to her! Sally continues to make custom clothes for Poppy (something that becomes a love language for the two of them <3).

honestly, this period in Poppy's life is part of what like... idk... strengthens her, in a way? her continuing to be herself and actively rebelling against her family, i mean. Poppy becomes a pretty stellar liar lol (lying to her parents about where she's going, who she's hanging out with, what she does after school, etc). she's very cautious about all of it, but she does it! she's determined to pursue and discover and Realize the woman inside her! i have this sweet scene in my mind of the Group at the Beagle farm chilling on the floor with notebooks, brainstorming on possible names. (Sally enthusiastically says a variation of 'exquisite' to each one, and then when Poppy says 'im not sure about that one' Sally - still enthusiastically - says a variation of 'horrible terrible how could you suggest such an ill-fitting name'). despite everyone's efforts, i like to think that Poppy finds her name entirely on accident! maybe during the Gap Year Road Trip! maybe they stop by a SoCal poppy reserve in superbloom and the flowers Resonate with her! who's to say!

but Poppy begins her (medical) transition in college! she, of course, gets shit for it, but she also begins to find community and enjoyment in the local queer community. and of course, she has her buddies <3

but anyway! i like to think that Poppy participates in local farmer's markets with her crochet work & baked goods, the latter of which is a complete hit! that, plus her first experience with going to a tearoom inspires her to strive towards owning her own! tearooms are right up her alley, i'd say - calm, quiet, and Poppy can make peoples' days a little brighter with a tranquil atmosphere & delicious treats! i swear i have a reason between 'Poppy british = she goes into tea business'. honestly! tearooms are more about the tiny sammies & tasty cones w/ cream! and feeling Fancy while chatting!

i think it takes a while for her to actually be able to start up a tearoom. I'd imagine she starts by holding a small, single-table reservation-based one in her own place once the Group decides on what town to move to. it's successful, slowly (but steadily) grows, until she can get an actual House and transform the ground floor into a full tearoom. lil shop by the checkout counter, several different rooms, a sizeable kitchen. staff! the tearoom is a humble one, but it's a killer holiday & tourist destination! the high ratings even bring in people from out of town!

and when it comes to Poppy & Sally, bc yall know i'm a sucker for Popstar - i like to think that they start dating after (mostly) all of them move into their new town. & after they both have been in prior relationships! and then they never stop dating. well, they do, but that's so that they can upgrade to Wife Status. and then they never stop being wives so there <3

but Poppy is successful and happy! she had a rough go of it but she Makes It! and she continues to make it!

#i hope this Suffices! #ofc the ~lore~ in my mind is a lil more complex #but its Too Much to fully write out yk yk #giving her a tearoom was uhhhhh a bit of Personal Indulgence i will admit! #i used to have a tradition with my mother/grandma/sister where we'd all go to a tearoom once a year #but then grammie bit the dust (or rather - got turned into it) and that tradition uh. kinda stopped #i have very fond memories! i'd like to go to one again someday! perhaps with friends! #so when i was thinking 'what modern day profession would suit poppy' i do think owning a high english tearoom would fit #theres also just a level of personal influence to that ahaha #also if i went to a nice tearoom and the owner was a gorgeous 6'8 woman. ough. thats all im gonna say about it. ough <3 #rambles from the bog #wh modern human au #sally likes to waltz into the tearoom while poppy is working to buy One (one) little box of tea and also flirt over the counter for an hour #and there's an upstairs room reserved for Poppy & her friends!! #it's free for them to use at any time! #though they still always pay. they have a lil game with poppy where she tries her best to refuse #but they manage to sneak the payment past her anyway #or they so happen to 'leave a tip that just so happens to be the exact payment' on their chair #on top of the tearoom she also supplies some baked goods for Howdy's shop #it was something they started when she was first getting her lil business off the ground #it evolves into just 'poppy bakes a batch of muffins as her morning ritual and sends them to howdys' #she supplies more when she can! or when she stress bakes! or when she and frank stress bake together! the entire group gets fresh tasties!

[dennisboobs]

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#absolutely do not want to argue because i get where the post is coming from with but im gonna give some thots #re: dennis autism!!!! ok!!!!! #ive talked about it before but there is WAY more to him being autistic than just the buzzer noises. when i first watched that i was like #is THIS really why people hc him as autistic. :/ and i get it! i do! i think he has misophonia inherited from glenn personally #its actually why i captioned the noise sensitive den gifsets as that rather than just. autism. #but personally i see his scripted social interactions and i go. yeah. me. me fuckin too. #and his outbursts. which are VERY personally relatable to me #i have uh. basically the same triggers? very similar triggers at least #i think dennis' neurodivergency presents itself differently because of his upbringing and thats why a lot of ppl go ???? when you say. #'yea i think den's autistic actually' #and like i said i was absolutely like. what the hell are people talking about. he's not autistic #but uh. on rewatches? hm. #dennis quite literally masks almost 24/7 #charlie has no qualms about being perceived as like. weird. but dennis masks SO hard. SSSSSSOOOOO hard #i once saw a post like. charlie has boy autism and dennis has girl autism which honestly fucking hate that but its... kiiiind of true #ASD presents itself differently in adults depending on early social conditioning #mac fights gay marriage. group dates. new wheels. dee day. celebrity booze. all the big ones. all the hits. #look how he acts when he goes off script and is forced to speak off the cuff #the way glenn describes him as being very emotional but unable to adequately express his emotions too like. yeah. same. #theres so much more than the noise sensitivity #i could go on and on about how many fucking boxes he ticks but i honestly hate that shit. i know how autism works and that bitch is autisti #im going to refrain from commenting on the reasons why i feel charlie is more acceptably hced as autistic vs dennis because mmmmm but #dennis being 'hypersexual' (not about the sex. at all) and socially adept (has scripts/systems. charlie is more emotionally intelligent) #smells a lil stinky. smells a little bit like infantilization on charlie's part. #ada speaks #ok ill spare you guys. someday ill write a proper meta on this. ive talked about it before but.

[foileadeux]

palewatcher sketch page dump! its got everything!! fluff!!! angst!!!! mildly suggestive content(?)!!!!!! enjoy the tonal whiplash i cant be serious abt them for more than 2 seconds

#theres some post pkradi stuff in here. i mentioned like a few days ago the phantom pain idea w/ all the damage pkradi got dealt #hitting pk all at once once he returned to his body #wl and the other dreamers watching this like ☹️ #guhhhh some of this references my other palewatcher sketch pages so go look at those too #my art #hollow knight gijinka #false king au #pale king #lurien #tries to be normal abt them (fails miserably) #ive got more palewatcher content but id have to explain so much #dont look at me!!!!!!!!!!! #(yelling from the back of a crowd) GET A FUCKING ROOM

[suffarustuffaru]

ok but im getting emo over heinkel again so im gonna talk about him again because yeah hes yet another sad character in a sea of sad characters and i love rezero for that but like he is a character consistently characterized by one loss after the other. it's a rollercoaster and its going straight fucking down and he is so miserable and absolutely alone and its both his fault and not his fault at all. but the way it starts is - its all out of his control. the more you think about the trajectory of his life the sadder it gets.

imagine you are heinkel and your parents are the sword saint and the sword demon and you come from a long line of knights and sword saints so thats almost definitely where youre headed, right? thats whats expected of you. you are nineteen years old and youre a knight in the royal guard, which was expected of you, and you have a wife and a beautiful baby boy, which was also expected of you, but at least you have so much joy and love for the latter while the former is just another chain on the astrea family line of people who are stuck to knighthood whether they like it or not. but your family is also just another chain because youre nineteen and your mother is still the sword saint and youre playing with fate here because either youre going to be the sword saint or your son will be.

your wife, the only equal you have, falls asleep one day and never wakes up. you are twenty-one years old and a single parent and then you are twenty-three years old and your son's fate is so much bigger than youll ever be. having the worlds love means that your love pales in comparison, doesnt it? everyone knows about your comatose wife because you keep searching so much for a cure that its just another thing to gossip about. every year that passes by she just continues to look the same as she did when she was awake and alive and loved you. (you dont know it yet but your son is going to reach the same age as her, because you dont find a cure for another sixteen years and you know that she wont love you anymore because who does? theres no one left because your son doesnt count.)

and everyone knows about you because of your family. because yeah, youre a good swordsman, but youre not liked by anyone in the knights. youre not a friend and youre certainly not a sword saint or sword demon. your son mind controls someone because he loves you so much that he would do anything for you and looks up to you like youre some hero, but youre just a wreck whos scrambling to keep what little you have. youre twenty-four and you lose your mom because you were too scared to go on the mission you were assigned on, because youre a coward and youre in over your head and you know, because everyone knows, that you dont measure up. you could never be prepared for this. in a long line of people who have to carry the weight of the world, you crumble easily. your mom goes on that mission and dies and your son becomes the sword saint like this was always going to happen. this is what being loved by the world means. you just killed your mom because you just couldnt suck it up and die on that mission instead. on top of that, your dad says that your five-year-old god of a son killed your mom. its just you and your son and the two of you both killed your mom but youre the worlds biggest laughing stock and your son is the up and coming hero and monster. but you still love your son. you really do.

right?

#rezero #heinkel astrea #i have. many feelings on him always. no i do not condone his abuse and i never will. but he is such a fascinating character #and this is not even getting into like. post-reinhard being five years old. cries. there is so much happening my god. the tragedy of it all #i swear theresia and wilhelm act like they dont even like heinkel fr sometimes too i swear aldfjldfjl theres just implications behind that #relationship too. and implications to heinkel and reinhards Everything with what little we've seen of them. like little kid reinhard truste #his dad SO MUCH heinkel was very loving in the beginning. it hurts how badly it turns out later alsdlfj bc you just Know that reinhard is #internalizing this like. my dad used to love me and now he doesnt anymore and its all my fault. #BUT HE STILL DOES LOVE REINHARD DEEP DOWN BC WHY ELSE WOULD HE HAVE SCHULT AS A REPLACEMENT. GOD. GOD. #arc 5 spoilers #i always like. theorize that heinkel used to be someone who tried to follow the rules to the T. try his best. try to be a good perfect #knight. a bit of a people pleaser. WHICH IS LIKE REINHARD RIGHT and it explains why heinkel is so bitter and jaded and angry now. god. i #hate it here. the astreas make me sooo crazy #like heinkel really does seem like a guy whos just trying to be a goody two shoes in like the once upon a time from lugunica ss but he fail #miserably bc hes too Emotional and also going through a lot of stress aljsdlfj

[kate-m-art]

I get it now, I get the hype, sassy vampire man beloved andjfkmsm

#just need *somewhere* to talk cause nowhere near finishing the game yet still im act 2 but ajskdk #caved and bought bg3 its looked so cool ajdjf #been wanting to play it for a long time now but dont have the hardware but ajdkffk #just discovered geforce now and gosh what a game changer #streams the game instead and i dont think my laptop has overheated once aksjfk #but like!! #yeeeeee im having sm fun w my wood elf druid love her sm #and all the npcs and astarion beloved #feel like a little school girl w goofy smiles whenever theres a new convo w him ajskfk #and idk just like ajsjdj no one to talk to about it and usually at that point just go on youtube to listen to other people talk #but i dont want to accidentally spoil too much so ajdjfk #just sitting here a hyper giddy little mess over how much fun im having #ye anyways if ive seemed kinda mia the past week or so thats why #new hyperfixation for a while i guess but im not mad about it ajsjfk #lowkey wanna doodle characters but akdkg also wanna see how things play out first and hhhhhhhh

[pr]

does anyone else have parents that give you "gifts" and by all outside accounts it should be something nice that youre grateful for, but the reality is they give you gifts you do not need and do not ask for and do not have room for, and they make you feel guilty if you reject them so you have no choice but to take them?

#my mom gives me so much fucking shit and it just accumulates in our house #she gives me shit every fucking time we see her and believe me i DO say no im not a pushover #in fact im arguably too aggressive. but instead of accepting no she goes why not? this would look so cute on you #this would go great in this part of your house. oh well WHY dont you want it? ugh FINE i will just TAKE it BACK #and it is for EVERY. SINGLE. ITEM. she gets us #and we see her ONCE A WEEK!!! #its just so frustrating bc idk how to articulate to outside parties how this is actually fucking manipulative #bc it sounds like im being ungrateful #but theres just shit scattered all over my apartment!!! idk where to put it!!! and i dont get off work until goodwill is closed #so its not like i have that many opportunities to to drop stuff off #op

[munamania]

ok im a really chill and normal person and i get over things and am well adjusted but take a walk with me here. just give me my time to complain when im not in the absolute fucking trenches. and yes i believe i suffered more than those in trench warfare. it was literally a lesbian situationship with a bistraight girl come on. just. magenta choppy shag with the roots coming in. camo cargo pants black t shirt with red lettering and striped long sleeve (sign someone likes music. confirmed). lip ring big black stud earrings and nails. red docs. i think lesbians should be allowed to kill one dyke baiter in their lifetime idc

#and now we're gonna get into some quiet parts and youre just gonna let me have this #i. am so sick. first of all it was kinda funny how people ik ended up sorta surrounding her. felt good. but like we've shared a space #together since everything. i can like be in her presence it's seriously fine. that said. i do sometimes miss her #i say this after going through the really hating her guts period bc of her evil evil evil ways. and feeling like she's lame as hell bc she #s. but i mean it's me talking i have my problems too. i Hate the way we always so naturally act in sync. and i hate that we've both picked #each others' brains for hours so it's like. i knew you once and now we can't even look each other in the eye and that just really sucks #and i feel like. not that i strictly believe in these things. but we were sort of twin flames. i largely suffered for like. basically #falling in love w her. and i know i didn't leave as much of a mark. but i still hope it sucked a little for her #and i'll admit i think it'd be some sort of miracle if we could ever talk civilly. unfortunately we work in two ways #literally behaving in Ways and borderline fucking or not speaking. so. here we are #and i already humiliatingly tried to extend an olive branch this summer so im not gonna be fucking stupid. yk #but GOD how annoying. i did talk to situationship today and we were relatively normal so at least that's not deathly awkward #it's still. definitely um. stiff. but not terrible #i need to get to the club. pretend theres a cig emoji im on desktop rn #sorry for this. #film girl saga

[rubiesintherough]

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#(( ooc. )) #venting tw #negativity tw #gonna try to do some writing today but motivation is real low. #i guess that's what happens when you get called stupid useless and lazy to your face by someone who then expects you #to bow and scrape and wait on them hand and foot #and also now im expected to pay the electric bill on top of doing all the housework. literally all of it. in a home of 3 #fucking adults. and bow im also the one having to handle a lot of maintenance work around the place on top of keeping #it spotless bc no one else 'feels like doing it' #and the whole time i get to be insulted and told that im fat. stupid. lazy. while im cleajing up their messes. and fixing stuff for them. #and doing a bunch of cooking bc they get pissy if i dont also feed them on top of doing literally all the housework. and maintenance work. #and also now being expected to pay half the electric bill. again house of 3 people. and im not even allowed to take a hot shower when i need #to in order to get the pain spikes under control from yknow. flaring up my fibro from overworking myself CLEANING AND TAKING CARE OF THE #DAMN HOUSE FOR THEM #bc it takes too much electricity. the electricity i mostly paid for last month #sorry i needed to get that out #suicide tw #abuse tw #not me debating offing myself bc theres no end in sight and no way out and i cant keep going from one abusive situation to another #and just trying to survive. almost 30 yrs old and ive never once felt safe or at home anywhere ive ever lived. not once. in almost 30 #years have i ever felt safe. or like im my own person. or that im valued. or wanted. or listened to. not once in almost 30 years #have i ever felt like im actually loved (wanted) beyond my usefullness. #shit sucks man. anyway sorry for the spam of negativity lately. im not trying to be a downer. #gonna go hang out in my inbox for a while and see if anything pops out that my muses wanna jump on 🤞

[storytellering]

How do you draw V’s tattoos? I’ve tried so hard to get them down but I’ve never been able to and yours always come out so well!

I use a brush!!!

I wouldn't put myself through the agony that is drawing all of his tattoos from hand, and I don't think anyone else should either for that matter, please do yourself a favor and get those brushes they're a lifesaver

#asks #seriously anon theres way too much going on to not cheat at it #i know my boyfriend did them all from scratch once when he did a v pinup for a calendar and it looked like so much work #i had to draw them on when i cosplayed v and yeah. wouldn't recommend

[ajdrawshq]

listening to octopath music and drawing and writing stuff for my octopath pmd au so The Horrors(tm) dont get me

#i am getting WAY too in depth with these character profiles but if i dont hyperfocus on it i will implode . #like. we got species (including fusions/variants) types (may differ due to species) (plus an extra type bc of mixing in octopath mechanics) #also bc they can have up to 3 types at once i calculated everyones weaknesses and resistances which is actually kinda fun w tri-typed mons #also movesets up to 9 moves including 8 from their species(es.?) and 1 from their extra type . bc octopath #and abilities which everyone can have up to 2 of bc of how the older pmd games worked #tho each start with one and gain one in a similar way to octopath which allows for more mismatching #and also making it easier to choose fitting abilities for everyone they otherwise woildnt have access to #their IQ groups (tho. i am mildly tempted to scrap that and make my own groups. no yeah thats my next task now) #held items and general/single use items theyd most likely have #and any other individual notes i have on them 👍 like therion being unable to evolve further bc part of his lineage is a 2 stage evo #ohhh i also need to note where everyone comes from. except maybe therion bc we dont know his hometown at all #thats gonna be kinda hard bc each continent has pretty much all the biomes but psmd changed that up a bit..... hm.... #and the sand continent is straight up from psmd only unlike the rest so i need to check if theres anything besides deserts there #bc i could theoretically put 2 travellers per continent and go from there.. OH wait that works hold on. im a genius #maybe i need to replay psmd again and see.. i gotta be at least partway in my current playthrough it camt be too hard #id like to mimic where everyone starts out as much as i can.. tho i cant remember if theres a livable tundra area in pmd #still gotta do those iq groups tho . that goes first #octotag

[sevenyeargap]

thinking about phoenix picking up art during the 7yg again and i need to chew on drywall

#its about him reconnecting with his inner self. learning how to trust people again but also how to trust HIMSELF #its about art and how he loved it so much once but was forced to hate it bc it would hurt too much to keep on loving it #but art isnr the only thing that fits the description!!!!!!!! do you see where im going here #its also about the meeting of past & future - hes still the same person after all!!! theres still hope left in him!!!!!!! he can save trucy #just like he saved edgeworth. and thats a start. he can help people WITHOUT being a lawyer. which is something thats important for him to #realize imo. #anyway mom astri sevenyeargap is once again rambling about artist phoenix moooom #one day this will be made into a proper essay too #🦔 : chatters