#its entirely a me problem that ut freaks me out so badly. it breaks all the rules that were hammered into me abd i become convinced

[steampoweredskeleton]

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#delete later #this is literally the worst time for a breakdown #i need to sleep to do the fun thung tomorrow. if i dont do the fun thing tomorrow i will fully regret it #i am panicking and on the verge of tears for no reason #theres too much going on all at once #and i love having ppl in the flat i do but fuck it always triggers the shit out of me #i am both really hapoy to see yhe person abd really happy shes coming to the thing. i am also terrified someone is gonna #go for me. its not logical. im fucking terrified #and theres so many unknowns tomorrow abd im freaking out. i managed to keep myself from aaking if i was allowed to travel #with them tomorrow when they sent me the timings. bc of course thats what that meant. it wasnt a heads up to avoid those times #but now im panicking about it bc not getting the reassurance is adding to the fear. even though the point of exposure therapy #is not getting reassurance for all intrusive thoughts. this is what im meant to do #im still freaking out. tye good thing is that the game specifies that if youre overwhelmed step outside #so i can escape if i need to and probably wont shut down #ill take my headphones abd my beanie and my safe items #i dont care if i look childish. i just gotta get through it to the enjoying bit #fucking. its not pity party time. wait like one week then you can have a breakdown. cut it off. cry at therapy #also want to reiterate i love that my flatmates have ppl round. uts good and nornal and GOOD #its entirely a me problem that ut freaks me out so badly. it breaks all the rules that were hammered into me abd i become convinced #im gonna be punished for disrespecting ppl. thats a me problem. i just cabt have it just be in ny head bc im gonna explode #time to play #will the weighted blanket allow me to better dissociate or make me feel every emotion and sob #neither options are fun!!!