#go for me. its not logical. im fucking terrified

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

#delete later #this is literally the worst time for a breakdown #i need to sleep to do the fun thung tomorrow. if i dont do the fun thing tomorrow i will fully regret it #i am panicking and on the verge of tears for no reason #theres too much going on all at once #and i love having ppl in the flat i do but fuck it always triggers the shit out of me #i am both really hapoy to see yhe person abd really happy shes coming to the thing. i am also terrified someone is gonna #go for me. its not logical. im fucking terrified #and theres so many unknowns tomorrow abd im freaking out. i managed to keep myself from aaking if i was allowed to travel #with them tomorrow when they sent me the timings. bc of course thats what that meant. it wasnt a heads up to avoid those times #but now im panicking about it bc not getting the reassurance is adding to the fear. even though the point of exposure therapy #is not getting reassurance for all intrusive thoughts. this is what im meant to do #im still freaking out. tye good thing is that the game specifies that if youre overwhelmed step outside #so i can escape if i need to and probably wont shut down #ill take my headphones abd my beanie and my safe items #i dont care if i look childish. i just gotta get through it to the enjoying bit #fucking. its not pity party time. wait like one week then you can have a breakdown. cut it off. cry at therapy #also want to reiterate i love that my flatmates have ppl round. uts good and nornal and GOOD #its entirely a me problem that ut freaks me out so badly. it breaks all the rules that were hammered into me abd i become convinced #im gonna be punished for disrespecting ppl. thats a me problem. i just cabt have it just be in ny head bc im gonna explode #time to play #will the weighted blanket allow me to better dissociate or make me feel every emotion and sob #neither options are fun!!!

[toytulini]

hit tag limit on the last post cos i started talking about roller coasters again 😔

#toy txt post #wish there was a way for me to like. Do. something. with my roller coaster hyperfixation. but im not an engineer i dont want to design them #thats so scary and i couldnt be a ride op cos im scared of riding most of them (disclaimer I KNOW HOW SAFE THEY ARE THATS NOT THE PROBLEM #I DONT HANDLE THE PHYSICAL EXPERIENCE OF THRILL RIDES FILLING ME WITH ADRENALINE VERY WELL IT CAUSES ME PAIN #i do not enjoy it. but i love to see coasters and watch them and read about them 🥺 and also sometimea i read about. the incidents which #felt like very foolish at first like okay this isnt gonna help me get comfortable riding them but honestly actually it did help? #to see how many of the incidents are like. truly like either freak accidents or someone fucked up #but like the rides safety mechanisms usually are very good and not the reason for an accident. most errors seem to be like. act of god or #like. operator or rider error. and some of the operator errors are kind of terrifying BUT ALSO seem like things that can be prevented #maybe the new wave of unionizing in the us will sweep into theme park employees and make sure theyre paid well and recieve good benefits #and that they are not pressured to prioritize profits or faster throughput at the expense of safety. and (really optimistic i know) maybe #we as a society and culture can unlearn our systemic fatphobia to the point that its doable to turn someone away for being #too big to ride safely without making them feel like shit or like its their fault and MAYBE we'll even possibly just maybe figure out how #to make rides that can actually accommodate larger guests safely so they can participate in the fun without fear or bodyshaming #logically i know theres no way to remove 100% of risk and that there is still heightened risk especially for ppl w various #medical conditions but idk i think we as a society can keep theme parks and do them well. i believe in us. #i should go to more of them....ive been to like. not that many but i do still have favorites #hershey my beloved. i LOVE how visible all the coasters are all the time i LOVE the skyview going right through great bears track #i hope i can go again this yr and see the new wildcat 🥺 absolutely not going to ride that fucking thing but i am definitely going to stare #at it. jenn if youre reading this i cannot fucking believe you got me to ride og wildcat honestly #p sure that rattle gave me a headache and i would not do it again that was a rough fucking ride lol but im glad u somehow got me into that #i have. such a complicated relationship with being peer pressured onto rides lol #like on the one hand i do need that a little bit or i definitely wont do it but on the other. being forced onto comet as a child was #slightly traumatizing and definitely marked my turn from wanting to ride all the coasters to jot wanting to ride anything #to my parents credit on that one they do recognize it as a mistake and were sorry about it like immediately so i dont hold it against them #but also dont. force ur children to ride coasters lol. but i do need to go spend a day at hershey just forcing myself to ride great bear #over and over. fav coaster best coaster. its so fucking loud. its shaped so good. pretty color scheme. its constellation themed #i do love and am obsessed with how hershey packs all those tracks together like that it looks so cool i love to see it #candymonium right at the entrance like that is Extremely distracting very immediately

[batemanofficial]

i need weed. i need a medical card so bad or im gonna go out of my fuckign GOURD

#speak friend and enter #let me preface this by saying that im doing everything in my power to not let mental illness wipe its greasy hands on me #however. im insane in the membrane and i can feel myself slipping back into lunatic mode #i have to go for an mri next week and i genuinely don't know if i can do it. i am so fucking terrified you have no idea #i'll spare y'all the grisly details but i was chronically ill as a kid (and not just like sick a lot it was touch and go there for a bit) #and as a result of certain procedures i had to undergo to abate the aforementioned chronic illness #i developed ptsd that manifests as an irrational but obscenely debilitating fear of hospitals #like i can't go in a hospital without having a psychotic episode. like clinically i just can't do it #but as part of my yearly post-whatever care i have to get imaging done and this year that entails an mri and. im just scared #i spent a significant portion of my time immediately post ptsd symptom presentation believing that my doctors were trying to kill me #like for sport. like i thought there was some larger deep state esque plan in place to enact further medical barbarism upon me for giggles #and obviously you and i both know that's a delusion with no basis in reality but that doesn't mean i can stop myself from believing it. #it's like a word-of-god thing. i know logically that it's not true but there's a voice in my head screaming 'they want to flay you alive' #and i am currently between therapists and also unmedicated bc my last therapist was too focused on inner child work #to give me the prozac and weed card i really need #like that's great that you think healing my inner child will solve this but my inner child is covered in her own viscera. can we pivot mayb #but anyway for the moment im just wallowing in my own fear and im doubly scared bc im finding myself falling into rabbit holes again #like empirically the worst thing that's gonna happen as a result of this mri is that they're gonna say i have to have another surgery #and the technology has advanced to a point where its way less invasive than what ive had previously #but the constant dull roar of my thoughts about the whole deal is just. increasingly delusional nonsense #and not to be overly morbid or anything but i decided a long time ago that if i ever had to be admitted to the hospital again i would rathe #well you know. and i don't wanna die. honestly i don't. but the idea of wading through that particular brand of hell again is torture #and im not gonna kill myself. im not. ive been working on that impulse for a long time and i don't want to undo all of that work #but im scared and i dont wanna spend the rest of my life in n out of the hospital or as a substance-abusing recluse. is that so much to ask #i want to fix this. i do. i don't wanna live in a hole anymore as fantastic mr fox would say. but the horrors persist #and i often find myself increasingly unable to cope. hence why i need the weed #anyway i'll be fine. eventually. i hope. but in the meantime i do want to say i appreciate you all. i mean it #i tend to regard myself (fairly or otherwise) as difficult to get along with in real life so despite the fact that i don't talk w y'all muc #i do appreciate y'all being there and making me feel like more of a person than i feel like i am lately <3

[29121996]

.

#realising today that like . all of This makes me uncomfy bc ive been in a similar position before #2yrs ago and . theres a potentual it could turn out the same way it did last time #and i sont think it will #i dont want it to and i rdguse to ljke go down that path and spiral. but. #anyway my therapist making me actuvely look at my past trauma and dig through memories is so fucking . infuriating even tho ik its the point #like shes not just a soundboars for me to bounxe my thoughts off (which is what 70% of my sessions are tbh) #like its 70% me bitching abt smth and then maybe 10% her Correcting me and 20% trauma Digging and opening uo wounds i still have #anyway. this is so fucked i want to fix it - partly bc i do l*ve h*m and partly bc im such a fucking . #i will not let things Go until im batteres ans bruised in every shape and form #and i hate that this means . dragging him along with it #even tho he has freewill and can iterally just Leave me if he wanted to. #im bitter and uncomfortable and feeling unwanted bc this is just a state of . Confusion and instability #until ive got Answers and until hes . at a level where hes not so pissed at me hes blinded by hurt n rage :/ #and logically i should . just leave :( bc as much as i wanna be all *im so gonna do better and get better!!!!! nothing will ever happen* #i have Patterns that are a bitch to break. #trying not to be angrt and act like a xhild is Not my strong point either #my 1st instinct when im hurt is to act like a child and be childish and lash out whicb obviously gets me nowhere half the time. #and i also dont know if this arrangement we have rn . i dont know how to go abt it lime tjeres so mhch uncertainty #and i know it couls just be easily fixed if i communicated and asked questions and got boundaries in place #but im terrified to get yelled at or met with dry answers and no useful info. #im gonna give it an hour and then . see what i can do i need to mull itnover #switched my thinking from spiralling and overthinking to *what the fuck can i do abt it thats positive* #and OH BOY is that a hard thing to be constsntly aware of :( #getting better is so fucking hard i do . get why people just stay sick and mentslly ill and dont do the hard work. bc it is exhausting #i burned myself out and reached a boiling point bc i was doing it incorrectly the 1st time around apparently #i wasnt - but my efforts were NOT recognised and that felt kjke being slapped in the face tbh.

[fabulouslygaybean]

kitkat's breathing is fucked up so we gotta try and take her to the vet within the week and im kind of terrified that it's smth bad

#like. what if it's something bad? im so scared its gonna be something awful and that she's in danger #idk how reasonable that is but. god i love this cat. im terrified that the worst is gonna happen and im gonna lose her. #logically i know it might. just be a little sickness or even just allergies bc she has seasonal allergies just like me #but they've never been this bad for her so im doubting it #i can hear her breathing from across the room and she keeps hacking and snorting and wheezing #she's eating and drinking just fine and she's as active and playful as she always is #but im still terrified that its something bad. we leave for cali in one week so we have to hurry and get her in asap #im also worried bc like. if she gets medication or something then someone's gonna have to give it to her but we'll be gone #she was gonna be staying at home with snickers bc they're set up with an auto feeder and a water fountain and plenty of space #one of my mom's friends and my brother were gonna take turns stopping by to check on them but i don't know if that'll be enough #she might have to go stay with my mom's friend so she can be monitored more closely #but she's so skittish and so fearful of strangers. i hate putting that kind of stress onto her #god she's cleaning herself next to me and it's so loud bc her breathing is just so fucked #i hope we can get her in as soon as possible. like within the next two days at MOST kind of soon #i hope that it's just allergies or a mild illness that can clear up on its own or with a simple medication #i hope it's nothing insanely serious that could really truly harm her #idk if we can afford that rn. i already offered to give my next paycheck to my mom to help her cover the costs but she refused #ill probably end up pitching it in either way even if it's not a lot

[moonfungers]

this is sort of random as hell but i can't help but think of like. a funger termina isekai fic. 💀 no but like. FEAR AND HUNGER IS THE WORST universe to be inside, really. it's all misery!!! pain!! suffering!! and i'm just picturing this like, regular person gets transported into the universe and just absolutely loses her shit bc she KNOWS, she KNOWS DAMN WELL exactly how she's screwed, far better than anyone else!! she's played the games dozens and dozens of times, died so many times, and now she's IN that setting, she's in that world, and death is now PERMANENT with REAL stakes. she knows the entire game like the back of her hand, but what does it matter, bc it's fear and hunger. there's only so much knowledge that can help you . .

in my head, in a lot of isekai fic and stuff, ocs tend to like, hide the fact that they know things? but i feel like a modern-day oc who gets transported into fear and hunger would be forced into a position where she has to be honest bc its the best chance of survival. this isn't a game where she can just follow the right steps, recruit the people, get them to do the things, this is now real and dangerous and terrifying, and she knows that she can't do it alone.

and i'm just picturing like. d1, she wakes up before everyone else, loses her shit, and then promptly refuses to let ANYONE leave the train. no no but like, also can you picture what im seeing, this woman just pacing back and forth frantically, very clearly losing it, and she's like "you fuckers are not going ANYWHERE, we are all traveling TOGETHER, bc you all do not understand how much danger we're in" and then the others are like, you know, the train just stopped, weird dream, they haven't even been to prehevil yet so they don't know how fucked up everything is over there, and now this random stranger is just losing her shit, they don't take her seriously bc honestly who would, and so she just. she just starts fucking putting them on blast

"o'saa i know you went into the dungeons and nasrah's with you" "pav you will SIT your motherfucking ass down, you do not stand a chance against the fucking kaiser and it isn't even the REAL one you fucking idiot"

"levi i know youre going thru like. withdrawal right now and its totally ok and we have a doctor here and i will get you some heroin if i need to but like please dont run off where i cant find you"

and just basically knows stuff she absolutely shouldn't know, and she's like "YOU GUYS GOTTA BELIEVE ME BC OTHERWISE WE WILL LITERALLY ALL DIE, DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND. there is only ONE way to guarantee us to live and im telling you this bc i know how screwed we are and i cant do it alone ive never even held a fucking weapon in my entire LIFE i just play video games at home-" and also how fucked up is it, that this isekai oc would know damn well that no matter what, someone has to die? like. you either kill everyone else and like get sulfurized/escape, you get moonscorched bc you run out of time, or someone has to become one with logic. aka to get the best "everyone lives" run, someone still needs to die

idk my brain just had this pop into my brain and won't let it go. it'd like, a cliche trope ofc, but i feel like in the context of fear and hunger, it'd be just so horrifying and awful and so WONDERFUL to read

bc its like, fear and hunger is a game series that we know damn well is a horrible like, UNIVERSE to be in, its depressing and awful for the characters who live in it, but can you imagine the ripe ANGST of having an isekai oc from our world go into it? they have our world as a reference point, in the way none of the other characters do, bc this is their world, they don't know anything else, how could they? but this isekai oc would just be so fucking-- innocent in the way the others aren't, bc she hasn't lived through the horrible F&H world and like, the dynamic there is so so interesting too bc all of the characters in termina, all of them on that train are AWARE or have been involved/done bad things, and this here is a character who hasn't, who hasn't seen blood or misery for her entire fucking LIFE. she'd be an "everyman" character by our standards, you know, but by their standards? she'd be such a fucking anomaly with the shit she says, the things she believes in. and also, you know, the fact she knows things about all of them and the situation they're in she has absolutely no right to know and its so SO interesting to think about, actually?? like genuinely losing my mind thinking about this rn

#fear and hunger termina #fear and hunger termina spoilers #rambles #funger #f&h #fear and hunger #my post #god i rambled so hard #if anyone has other thoughts on this idea please ramble too im kjfldsjfksd #I HAVE NO IDEA IF ANYONE WILL EVEN READ THIS #BUT RAAHHHHH

[ariesbilly]

I was re-reading one of my favorite Harringrove fics just now and had a pretty niche thought that goes hand in hand with being an abuse survivor and also understanding how much of Billy's life has been cut down to revolving around Max.

Because in almost every fanfiction, without fail, when people find out Billy is being abused the first thing they ask about is Max.

Is Max safe? Does he hit Max too? Does Max need help? Where is Max now? Why hasn't Billy gotten Max help yet?

And I can but I also can't imagine how fucking soul crushing it must be to someone who's abuse is most often associated with Max (like we see in the show) to admit to or to have something that vulnerable and terrifying revealed only to immediately be sidelined for Max.

(And obviously its one of the logical things to ask; there are two kids in an abusive home, usually the odds are it isn't just one being abused.)

Everyone's first concern when they hear Billy is being abused is Max.

It has me up in my feels about a Billy who gets it in his head that people just don't care. Its fine for him to take the punches as long as Max isn't. Starts getting used to having to pre-emptively say Max is fine whenever the truth comes to light, voice level with defeat.

And it'd be nice if, just once, Harrington is the one to break that cycle.

OKAY SHUT UP CUZ I THINK ABOUT THIS TOO 😭😭😭

It does get annoying sometimes when I’m reading a fic about this and immediately max is brought up im like damn girl can anyone prioritize billy for once in his god forsaken life…

Heather would do that I think 😔 besties 👉🏻👈🏻

But yeah it would be nice to read a fic once where billys abuse is brought to light and the first questions out of whoever’s mouth is “oh my god are you okay? Thats horrible you don’t deserve that how can I help you?” Instead of “but what about max…”

Would actually love a fic exploring billy getting pissed at someone bringing up max like “well fuck me i guess cuz apparently I don’t matter” and then him going on a whole tirade about how it would be nice for someone to put his own wellbeing first for a change. He deserves to make people feel bad actually, that is my core belief. Cuz all these hobgoblins around him ain’t SHIT and I’ve had enough!

#briana answers things

[musashi]

very sorry if youre getting this twice my wifi lost connection the first time i hit send so im asking again in case didnt get through. its a relief to see you say writers block is just a state of mind issue! do you have any advice for people who are still stuck in it to stop being that way? what part of my thinking has to change to get better? and this has nothing to do with the topic but thank you for being one of the few mayomei sickfic writers in western fandom! finally some good fucking food

honestly its a hard thing to advise because i quite literally just brute force 90% of things in my life out of spite. but i think just internalizing it is a good first step?

like. writer's block is. how do i phrase this. it's just a term we have invented for feeling "stuck." which can be useful, except... it has now kind of taken on a life of its own, where people kind of talk about it as if it is... a condition? something that you can "come down with" so to speak. but in reality all it means is that you are stuck. something isn't working.

why are you stuck?

that's the thing to figure out. some people get stuck by many things. some people are only ever stuck via one thing. but when you chalk it up to "writer's block" what you are basically doing is giving yourself an excuse to not examine it further. you are saying to yourself, well, it's writer's block, hopefully it passes soon. and you are taking away the agency from yourself to help it pass, giving yourself over to the whim of it. you are relenting.

i am bad at relenting.

this goes hand in hand with the other thing that annoys me to hear people talk about--"inspiration." a lot of writers consider this to be an opposite of writer's block, so to speak. sometimes its inspiration, sometimes its motivation, but much like with writer's block, they consider it this kinda nebulous cloud that settles over them and oh! suddenly they can create!

this, again, takes away the writer's agency. they are simply at the behest of writer's block and its opposite, motivation. internalizing this mindset pretty much guarantees that your output will stagger. that terrifies me. the idea that i must go long swaths of time waiting to feel "inspired" or "motivated" sounds like hell. writing, creating, making something is what keeps me alive, and i think if i stopped i'd die.

so, once again i reiterate: what writer's block is, is a writer being stuck. the writer needs to unpack why they are stuck. instead of just saying 'oh lol its writer's block' and leaving it at that.

for me, what i thought was "writer's block" was actually perfectionism and a dissatisfaction with how the story looked in my head vs how it came across on paper. i felt the words i was putting on the page did not match the story i wanted to tell, and i would lock up and feel foggy and uninspired. but when i did that, i was angry, because it felt like giving up, and i fucking hate giving up. i hate failing even more than i hate being stumbling and imperfect.

more than that, i was writing nothing. i came to a conclusion: as i grew as a writer, my standards would shift and change. therefore, there will never exist a timeline where i am 100% satisfied and proud of everything i've ever written. furthermore, this paralytic fear of not telling the story i wanted to tell meant i wasn't telling a story at all. i was setting myself up to fail regardless, so i may as well tell a story while i do it.

the choice came down to, write hundreds of shitty words that were not up to my own (impossible) standard, or write nothing and hope and pray that one day i feel "inspired" enough to get the story in my head out. from a purely logistical standpoint, i think anyone can see which outcome is favourable.

and then i wrote stuff. and, uh, it turns out literally no one feels the same about my writing as i do. i think it sucks shit but everyone else LOVES it and thinks its top tier. which, again, just logically that tells me that my opinion is biased--i'm sitting with the story all day, so it looks predictable and uninspired to me. but no one else has that viewpoint. everyone else is just eating that shit like candy. again, just logistically, this makes it a lot easier to talk down the voice in my head that says i'm not making good enough art. i can just give it a chocolate candy and be like, calm down, little thing. clearly i am.

so to loop it back around: writer's block is just a term people use as a crutch to avoid examining why they feel unable to write. i personally found that saying instead what i am actually struggling with literally instead of chalking it up to some nebulous affliction made me a much more productive writer. i have a general word count i want to make every day and regardless of how i'm feeling i try my best to hit it. and thats why i can just write 45645645 fics all the time like it's nothing.

anyways THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i will write mayomei forever if people keep talking to me abt it. they are so precious to me

#wendy rambles #wendy answers

[cryptidafter]

do u remember some time ago when we where talking about woh and its potential for a horroredit??? im gathering inspiration and ill probably ask u at some point to lend me ur expertise in that area but for now i just want to ask what u like abt horror, as a viewer! what do u enjoy? what would u like to see explored more, what have movies (or books!?) done before that excites u and that u could talk abt for hours? if u want pls do go deep into the technical aspects if u have any thoughts from a storyteller's perspective! youve shared your thoughts with me a bit before so view this as the extended cut!

Oooh yes, of course I remember (and am still incredibly excited about the idea)!

You asked for the extended cut so this is probably going to be another long one (get comfortable lol).

If we're specifically talking about film, what I like about horror as a genre is its ability to personify and often contextualize the complicated and uncomfortable emotions most of us have a difficult time unpacking. Grief, trauma, rage, anger, fear - they're all given a name and/or a face and by taking those abstract concepts and re-imagining them as something tangible and real, it provides me with a sense of catharsis that few other genres can.

More below the cut <3

I enjoy having that control. I'm choosing to sit down and watch a piece of media that will force me to confront those abstract unknowns in a way that's not as overwhelming as IRL. I've been drawn to darker themes from a young age (I think because death was something I had to grapple with when I was too young to really understand it) and I've always been fascinated by the parts of life people shy away from or outright refuse to acknowledge. I grew up on Goosebumps, Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark, and whatever vampire books I could get my hands on. Horror just hooked me.

Something I'd like to see explored more in horror is race but not in the way it's usually done. I don't want the story to be tailored for a non-black/non-poc audience. I want horror that focuses on all those nasty bits of racism that fester beneath the surface. The microaggressions and the respectability politics and the ever-looming discomfort that comes from trying to fit yourself into spaces that were never made for you in the first place. Get Out touches on some of this (hence why it's such a cultural touchstone) but even it doesn't get down into the weeds like I want. Give me the specter of racism! Make it a silent, sneaking embodiment of minstrelsy that waits in the shadows to mock you. Give me two versions of the same person: code-switching taken to its extreme. Idk, I just think there are so many terrifying but subtle ways that racism presents itself that could be personified in a way that might be hugely impactful for non-white audiences. Most people understand that slavery is bad and that you shouldn't call people slurs. Now, lets go deeper.

I've made posts about some of my favorite horror media but, like you said, I can talk about this stuff for hours and I don't think I've discussed unique types of filmmaking/writing execution before.

I'm a huge fan of psychological horror. Yes, I can get down with a good gory slasher, I LOVE zombie everything, but psychological horror is my true love. I'm a sucker for horror where something isn't quite right even if you can't put your finger on it. Something that seems ordinary and should be a safe space (like your home) suddenly becoming unfamiliar. That lingering sense of dread that comes from feeling like your surroundings are off but not knowing why or how. Seeing something that should not be possible and trying to apply logic and reason to what can never be explained. That will always fuck me up in the best ways lol. Taking the mundane and twisting it beyond recognition *chef's kiss*, I love it.

Junji Ito is one of my favorite manga writers for this reason. Not only is his art style PHENOMENAL but a lot of his stories revolve around the ordinary turned monstrous (Uzumaki, Tomie). A town that's doomed to always be consumed by spirals for reasons unknown. A girl who dies only to suddenly turn back up but something about her isn't the same. So great!

Another fantastic example of this is House of Leaves, which genuinely unnerved me so much so that I still haven't finished reading it.

The way House of Leaves has the text itself morph and change, becoming entirely nonsensical at times, really heightens the anxiety and discomfort I feel. I never know what's going to happen next, both in the actual narrative and on the page. Books have always frightened me more than visual media because my mind will always conjure up the most terrifying images imaginable lol. It's difficult to make something look as scary on screen as it does in my head (not impossible, of course, just tough).

Skinamarink is another fantastic exploration of this theme. Your home - the place where you rest, make memories, get to fully be yourself - has become a hostile environment. I won't get into how the movie is (imo) an incredibly well-done metaphor for childhood trauma (your house becomes a prison that you can't escape and your parents are demonic entities that frighten and harm you; though I can also get behind the other theory I've seen where normal things can seem more confusing and scary as a child because you have no frame of reference for what's happening). But wow this movie stuck with me. I know you're not into horror but I have to share the short film that was the inspiration behind the full-length movie to really get the message across (headphones are best because there's a lot of audio distortion).

Visually, my favorite types of horror do a lot with a little. You don't need jumpscares and buckets of fake blood to get the job done (though those are fun lol). Playing around with lighting, depth of field, focus, etc. can do a lot to make you disoriented or nervous. Take liminal spaces for instance (which I love).

There's nothing inherently strange about these images but they're unnerving. You get the sense that something could be lurking, that you might turn a corner and encounter danger. Something about being utterly alone does weird things to your brain sometimes which is really the core of what I'm getting at: good horror asks the viewer to sit with discomfort, get familiar with it.

Okay, I have rambled long enough lol. You know my DMs are always open for more discussion of this topic (especially as it pertains to WOH) <3

#asked and answered #cryptid's thoughts #horror films #horror novel #liminal spaces

[noctualagenaria]

OK. THANK YOU TUMBLR URL @THELUNATICGHOST FOR SPONSORING ME AND MY THOUGHTS.

[im going to use he/him pronouns for furina (and focalors by extension]

furina genshin impact. you know him, the guy who acted a part in a play that wasnt his own play for like 500 years the guy who yes, can be annoying but is honestly just a silly little guy!! thats all he is!! thats all hes ever wanted to be; himself

furina genshin impact is in canon, a she/her, i heavily disagree with this because of his design, and his overal character being made 1) from someone else and 2) "[he] was made to be the perfect human" that focalors created for himself, focalors is also trans but more genderfuckery because his gender is Divinity and also dead. anyways.

focalors design is a mirror image of furina's "archon" outfit the light one, pneuma version i believe, and in focalors top part of the dress, its quite revealing! theres a lot of chest skin showing there and the most important thing about this; flat. literally no tiddy there at all in the slightest.

now because focalors made furina based on himself, they have the exact same body, just duplicated, meaning! furina also has literally no tiddy!! nothing!! zip zilch na da!!! he has a very rectangular torso (adding evidence to my transmasc idea), even if he did have canon tits (which he does not this is proven) he is purposefully covering them up with the french ass ruffles hes got going on up there, /purposefully/ covering.

the most exposed furinas design is, is his legs, he has rather short shorts (akin to hu tao who Also has no titty but there is room to see a curve there because hu tao doesnt have. the chest ruffles) ((this could lead to how hu taos design is also quite tmasc coded but sadly enough im not a hu tao insaner)) so i could Maybe sort of if i squint real hard i can see why people would want to exaggerate the legs a little

But when people ( the horny + uninformed.. usually..) give him the most hourglass shape figure?? or even Big Boobs im like??????? first off did yall play the archon quest and second ????????? of all genshin characters you think furina deserves boobs??? Flawed logic he is not who you think he is, like even ignoring my headcanons In Canon he is very much jus living his best life being a theater director !!!!!!! hes not an actor anymore !!!!!! furina genshin impact is the wrong character to put your horny beams on !!!!

and for the people in the back

Furina Genshin Impact Is The Wrong Character to Put Your Horny Beam On

does any of this make much sense? probably not,, do i care not rlly i jus hate how the fandom treats him so so so so much its why i cant really consume fancontent of him anymore that isnt made by a trusted mutual of mine, we are saving him from fanons grabby dirty hands and putting him in our own grabby dirty hands :3

what makes it worse is neuvifuri. there are people who believe that neuvifuri are either 1) father/daughter (this is the same crowd who think zhongxiao are also father/son) 2) siblings or 3) a cishet married couple with furina as the UwU Wifey and neuvi as the gigachad husband.

These are All Wrong

pushing most of my headcanons aside, literally in canon neuvi is the one constantly down bad for furi, Constantly!!!! he had a moment of realisation in the archon quest, realising he appreciates furina a lot more than he first thought he did (see furina story quest AND neuvi birthday letter)

and also in canon furina is Terrified of losing him, so he distanced himself (see his about neuvillette line)

now headcanon territory kinda ; neuvi watched focalors fucking Die in front of him, whilst givhim the original dragon power back, that shit was still traumatising as all hell , i think neuvi is just as equally afraid of losing furi as furi is of losing him

,, if i keep going i wont stop about how much i adore their specific dynamic but ANYWAYS. back to the point;

Fanon is Wrong

(have an old doodle as thanks for reading,,,)

thank you for reading all this, it sounded more composed in my head i swear i jus uwauwuuawu biting fandom so hard

#making this its own post rather than adding on to the og.. #ehe.. #nya.txt #thank you lunaaaaaaaa

[voigtvir]

even though im very very early on, i think i may end up liking little hope more than man of medan

man of medan wins for setting, but little hope (granted im literally SOOO early) may win for story.

man of medan's setting if you know anything about me was like perfect. i have a weird past life thing going on with ww1 and because of that im big into war memorabilia and any war stories in general. all quiet is my favorite classic novel. etc etc. AND i am a lover and admirer of the ocean in that "she terrifies me and i am in awe of her" kind of way. so a ww2 ghost ship stranded in the middle of the ocean well thats a fucking perfect setting for me.

buttttt after you piece together what the story is, it lost its fear factor for me. once i realize ah. its not ghosts. the only danger is the fishermen (who eventually all died for me) and any time i see spooky things i shldnt run or anything. and i do love the knowledge that the majority of haunted house reports irl were likely due to things like carbon monoxide sometimes even mold. there were cool reveals like what those skeletons were from and the biowarfare. but idk.

now. little hope. colonial town. salem type town origin. thats a cool setting, not as tailor made for me but still up my alley. but the STORY is already SO intriguing with the 70s family dying and then this modern day bus crash being full of people who look the exact same and this one guy doesnt remember these people or the bus crashing and that soooooo interesting.

im curious if this will turn out like man of medan where it wasnt actually a supernatural thing. i hope not i like actual supernatural > it has a logical reasoning sdjfhgshj

[sysmedsaresexist]

sorry if this may sound dumb, or like im just Really New (i am!) can i still call myself endogenic even if i KNOW theres trauma? its like, logically i know with dissociative disorders this thing happens where you convince yourself Its Not Traumagenic to shield urself from truly knowing.... but IS that whats happening?

(I realized after I had written this that you didn't give me an age for trauma, so the first half of this post goes out to anyone who's struggling with this same question and that has childhood trauma-- anon, if you do not have childhood trauma, jump to the second half of this post)

Anon, I promise you, that is what's happening

That is the disorder

You will reject and doubt your trauma down to the most minute point, that you end up convinced everything is unrelated

- childhood trauma? ✔️

- system? ✔️

- struggling with said system and/or said trauma? ✔️

- PTSD/CPTSD? ✔️

In the nicest way possible, you're not special

I'm not special

We are not going to be that 1 in 1,000,000 case where they are, actually, for once, unrelated

(Potentially "welcome back, anon")

Even worse, eventually you'll just accept that you will never truly know for sure

Do you think I don't wonder the same thing? Everytime things start to settle in my life, I become convinced that there must be some mistake, somewhere

But here's the thing, you don't need to know 100% in order to say that you're struggling and to get the help you need

And to take it a step further, a diagnosis is never required. Even in the case of requiring accommodations and insurance, people can typically get away with a more vague diagnosis, and no one in the community (worth their weight) will bat an eye, because we all understand how this shit works

So, to answer your question, I mean, I guess you can, even I wouldn't try to stop you

But why? Are you actually more like (the proposed, stereotypical) endogenic systems? Or do you just want to be, because it makes you feel better? I do get it. Recognizing that you are traumatized, that no, that really did happen to you, it's fucking terrifying.

In the end, does it actually matter?

Honestly, I'm more concerned about where and how you might be struggling to be considering a diagnosis, and whether you're currently getting any help.

Who gives two shits about origin, tell me your worries and struggles with diagnosis and I'll try to send you resources

#answered asks

[ninjasmudge]

Random idea that I thought you might appreciate. The showrunners really leaned into the horror aspects of Macaque's powers in S3Ep4, and I can't help but think about how much nightmare fuel he would be with a more unhinged personality. Like say, transplant the personality of Freddy from Nightmare on Elm Street into Mac and he would be truly terrifying, maybe even more than LBD. LBD at least operates on some sort of logic, but Mac would be motivated only by his own twisted sense of humor.

I LOVE THIS QUESTION OK IM ABOUT TO RAMBLE BUT I THINK ITS LEGIBLE AT LEAST

ok so part of the reason i love canon macaque is that hes literally Just Some Guy. his motives start and end at selfish 'ive been hurt, time to make other hurt' and thats it. like. everyone knew the story of DBK, and once DBK gained power again his plan was 'take over the city and rule'. same for spider queen, who wants to rule the city and LBD who wants to (control?) change the world but macaque doesnt want any of that, he has no higher purpose hes literally Just Some Random Guy that even MK doesnt know. so like him going off the rails? COMPLETELY unpredictable, noone would know what hes doing next, least of all him! its gonna come across much more joker-esque than evil warlord or controlling monarch (disclaimer- i havent seen with any media with the joker in since heath ledger and under red hood djdjdkddjd so its not a specific version joker im talking about) im gonna talk about the actual powers and then the horror part below a cut so it doesnt get too long

and, like you mentioned, his powers were done SO well in s3, the amount of times he dips in and out of the shadows, steps backwards into them, completely used to how they work, and how he changes the atmosphere when he turns up? MY GOD some of my actual favourite use of powers like that ive ever seen in media. hes COMPLETELY my aesthetic, and i LOVED how they used his powers in ep4, bathing everything in magenta and stark black, and the voice acting when he sings out 'its just you and me now~' WAS SO FUCKING COOL IM STILL REELING. NOW IMAGINE THAT SITUATION IF HE ACTUALLY WANTED TO HURT MK rather than just scare him. THATS TERRIFYING cause his powers are so so good for chaos, hes got bandages that can grab people, he can teleport, step in and and out of shadows, make whole buildings/vehicles out of clones, and while theyre in there he can just? drag them into the abyss?? and this is all stuff he did when he wasnt really hurting them that much, i dread to think what else he'd be able to do if he was out for blood.

and he already uses the scare factor quite a bit but like, the ability to separate people like that is really really good for horror. and hed think it was SO funny to do it. AND THE CONSTANT TALKING? hed watch some run through a shadow maze and just laugh at them and tell them all the ways they could die. i dont even think youd have to change his personality that much, just make him a bit more violent. (although im aware weve only seen him in the show at his very worst (around swk, the person who killed him, in s1&2, and then desperate and trying to escape an abusive situation in s3. this doesnt absolve him of anything but weve definitely only seen him at his worst times))

can you imagine? being stuck in the dark? void in all directions and the remains of the room you were in just cutting off in artificial darkness? you dont know where you are, you dont know where HE is, theres one light and youre staying under it in some illusion of safety because you KNOW he thrives in the shadows and maybe, just maybe if you stay in the light youll stand a chance. youre trying to stay quiet despite knowing he already knows where you are, trying to control your breathing and listen for him. is he circling out there just beyond where the light touches, waiting? can you bring yourself to step into the shadows or are you going to stay under the light until it- flickers. and flickers again. and then goes out. because it was an illusion of safety to begin with, and this was just a game for him, and he thinks is funny when he kills you. :D i love horror

#lego monkie kid #monkie kid #six eared macaque #mk #mk writing #idk what to tag as its basically just an analysis of how cool i think maqs powers are and then a snippet of horror #anon is SO RIGHT

[dunmer-pussy]

hey guys can i admit an insecurity slash issue that's actually sorta crushing me but i cant shake it no matter how hard i try. it's under a cut so you can scroll past it, idk if this would be considered vent-y or not but i gotta say something somewhere n it's also my blog and i post whatever i want on it. though i do talk abt my ex and the emotional/mental abuse i was put through. so be warned.

keep in mind it's 4am when im writing this

okay so my boyfriend-slash-prospective-husband is going to university soon. he doesn't want to.

now i am consumed with this overwhelming dread, overwhelming terror, that this is the end for our relationship. sounds pretty silly huh. why should i be so panicked about a simple fact of life that some of us might decide to tackle through our lifetimes. so why be so upset about it?

HOWEVER. my head is severely screwed up.

my ex happened to be extremely emotionally manipulative/abusive and the damage that they've caused rears its ugly head here more than anything else. i am terrified, and i mean deeply so, of my boyfriend becoming too busy for me and forgetting about me and dragging me through an absolutely vicious period of neglect (which is what my ex did, and punctuated it by confessing to me that they never loved me to begin with and that our entire bond was a lie among other things SUCH AS successfully manipulating an entire group of people against me in order to hurt me, and demanding i stay silent about how i was treated among other things but that's a story for much later when I'm more ready to tell it)

now i know, logically, that that isn't going to happen. my boyfriend genuinely loves me even if my trauma wants to grab me by the throat and spit in my face about otherwise in the voice of my ex. i know he loves me, i know he will keep up with me as i will with him. hell we have no reason not to. he's given me the strongest sense of stability and love i haven't had since my ex had me believing they actually wanted me.

and my perception of love and my relationship with love is very, very broken as a result of the life I've lived and the fucking shitstain that was my ex. so it's scary to put so much trust in someone and so much love in someone despite my raging terror that it will all explode back in my face.

heartache is part of life and pain is part of life but when you've experienced it so much you want to get out of it and when you're this fucked up the releases from this pain are just as scary as the reasons you're in so much agony.

I am eternally grateful that my love is so patient with me. he doesn't judge me, or wish to hurt me, and it's like we grow closer and closer every single day. i am so in love with him that sometimes it feels like a physical pain in my chest and like every wound i have is healed or at least numbed. when we met there was love in his eyes, and i felt that it was real and true. which i cant say about my ex when we met last year and they essentially treated me and my mom like fucking maids and had a bitchfit when we called them out LMAO

my sister would psychoanalyze me, say that my lack of personal stability is going to drive my boyfriend away. that I'm setting our relationship up to fail, etc etc etc, a self-fulfilling prophecy. i disagree but only on the grounds that i need to heal into love rather than separate from it and that my boyfriend is just the stability i need while he lays my aching heart to rest and helps me heal. i dont trust, because of how my ex manipulated me, so having things proven with time is just what I need and just what my boyfriend is providing. I'm a battered shelter dog and i don't need to be alone anymore. I've been alone enough.

because of how my ex practically rewired my head and exploited my fears and vulnerabilities and left me with damage that is worse than any other situation I've been in, its difficult to trust people closest to me. i try, i genuinely try, but it's an ugly defence mechanism. it's why I'm so reclusive.

it's why i'm so deeply terrified of my beloved going off to uni and forgetting about me.

"give him space, he has work to do, let him be," my sister would say. trying to paint me as clingy. I'm just scared. i know all i have to do is put faith in my boyfriend (i do) but it's so fucking hard when you're this screwed up and can't tell the future.

i just wish i could have some certainty of what's going to happen. I'm terrified my world is going to end again this September and i wont survive it. i am so fucking scared. it's like I'm grieving someone i haven't even lost (and wont loose) yet.

i hate this. i dont want to feel like this.

#caydeposting #i cannot take someone labelling me a thousand buzzwords again #i am me. and i have real human pains and i know what's good for me. #i'm sorry

[reel-fear]

Love as a construct rambling below bc Im thinking so fucking hard abt it rn

one of my favorite bits ever since I read the fic as a kid who has just played portal 2 in elementry [yes I've loved it for that long, I still remember looking up GLaDOS x Wheately on my first shitty little windows computer when I stumbled upon it haha and man did I love it] was the one where Rick shows up, both bc its hilarious and very fun but also because it's just... It's such a delight. Everything about it. I've got so many lines from this fic outright memorized bc of how often I read it. If all fics were suddenly wiped one day this is the fic I would desperately try to keep archived no matter what.

ANYWAYS THO THE RICK CHAPTERS, not only hilarious but a great dissection of Wheatley's character and his true love for GLaDOS. The way his character contrasts with Rick is soooo well explored and in mere words is put out so plainly and well in character. Having Rick go full out Alpha Male Podcaster in this chapter was a great way to show just how well intentioned Wheatley always is. Rick speaks of trying to bed GLaDOS and who Wheatley is a little idiot who will never Get anything out of his relationship with her leaves Wheately baffled and confused. Because he's not in this relationship to try and wrangle something out of GLaDOS, Rick is projecting and Wheatley can't even seem to understand how or why Rick would view GLaDOS almost like an object for him to own.

It baffles and terrifies him. How could someone ever view the amazing, complex, powerful and beautiful GLaDOS like that? The way he starts to view Rick for the weirdo hunter/predator he is also shows Wheatley's intelligence, which is ironic but regardless. He might be stupid but he knows GLaDOS deserves better than that and that the way Rick thinks of and talks about her is demeaning.

But specifically these lines in particular.

everything about it potrays Wheatley so in character, the way his thoughts are so scattered, he gets off topic so quickly in a way that only makes sense in his brain. Me and Roddy have talked at length about how in this fic GLaDOS and Wheatley easily potray neurodivergence and Wheatley in particular has a very frantic fast and panicked mind. He screams ADHD or Autism mixed with an anxiety disorder to me. The way he thinks, the way he tries to talk it reminds me a lot of myself. Even if generally I find GLaDOS the most relatable character here.

Hell Wheatley after this thinks of how strange it would sound to tell GLaDOS he was visualizing her as a butterfly. Her brain just doesn't work the same way his does.

Not to mention it shows one of the best things about Wheatley's inner conflict here, how does he protect someone he views as so much more powerful than he is? He can't just disregard the idea of protecting her. Even if it doesn't make sense logically. He wants to protect her more than anything in the world, she might not need that protecting, he might not be able to do it, but those facts don't matter to him. His love for GLaDOS overpowers everything.

When Rick implies GLaDOS made a mistake Wheatley tells him bluntly GLaDOS Doesn't make mistakes, even when she herself has admitted it to him that she's not perfect. Wheatley just thinks the world of her and while Rick passively demeans her Wheatley sings her praises.

When Rick shoves him his instinct is to shove back but his second thought, what would GLaDOS want? This is the thing that makes Wheatley not like Rick, even in this part where Wheatley can be read as somewhat protective and possessive, this thought in particular shuts down the idea Wheatley would ever let such things overide GLaDOS' desires. He wants to protect her and keep her close to him, that's his first thought but his second? What does She want? What would She do?

THIS, is what makes Wheatley different than Rick. Wheatley doesn't want to warn GLaDOS about Rick so she won't hang out with other men or so she won't fall in love with them. He doesn't want her to do those things of course, but most of all he wants her to be able to make an informed decision about what she is doing. If Rick and her did get together, he wanted there to be no deception, no tricks or manipulation. That's what he wants for GLaDOS that's how he protects her.

It's not about keeping her to himself, it's about knowing if he lets go... She'll still be okay and happy.

#gladley #wheatdos #portal 2 #ramblez #I have so many other thoughts buzzing in my brain rn but ogh I gotta focus on school rn so those will wait until later-

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

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Mis publicaciones más populares este 2022:

5

“black jilbabs and niqabs are boring and unstylish” to YOU. I get it though.

5151 notas. Fecha de publicación: 17 de enero de 2022

4

I think if I put aside like, the poltical and hateful aspect of it, part of the reason people react so strongly and are so frightened of me when I’m in public is because of horror. Like. Their immediete association with a faceless human shaped figure draped in all black is more like

like straight up im pretty sure if you asked people on campus they would have a “ghost story” of their experience seeing a terrifying ghost but in reality it was just me like, getting some mail or working at night. its interesting how peoples brains in my experience jump to “holy fuck a ghost” and start screaming as being the most logical interpretation of seeing me instead of “hey maybe its a muslim woman”.

Anyways this is all to say if I saw a shadow demon or grim reaper i would probably be psyched and say “Assalam alaikum” and then go about my day.

8244 notas. Fecha de publicación: 14 de febrero de 2022

3

ik “blorbo from my shows” is a meme, but the heart of it (tagging a post with a character/fandom thing) has been an issue since for so long. I remember seeing people tag shit about religious discrimination with like voltron characters, seeing people use real life tragedies as prompts for fandom things, tagging posts about activism or struggles as a minority by bringing up your favourite fandom character. in that same wheelhouse there’s been people who write OTP prompts who come up with shit like “imagine character A sees someones hijab ripped off and--” or “imagine character A (a PoC) is pulled over by police and character B--”. like. can we just acknowledge how massively fucked up it all is? how someone’s post about activism or their experience with racism will get tagged with “omg this is JUST like [fictional character]”? how people will see someone’s traumatic experience being assulted because of their religion and turn it into some fun fandom thing? can we step back and realize this is fucked up and not normal behavior?

12.132 notas. Fecha de publicación: 20 de enero de 2022

2

why do i end up sitting straight up in my sleep. ignore how many blankets I use.

31.684 notas. Fecha de publicación: 14 de agosto de 2022

Mi publicación más popular de 2022

“but shrouded black figures are scary!” not when ur muslim. its the funniest fucking thing. this is labeled on pinterest under shit like “classic horror” “scary phone wallpaper”

but that LITERALLY just looks like a niqabi or someone in a jilbab. Like Look at this pic of me (from a self photoshoot, now w/o the dramatic lighting and dark background)

or this pic of me

Descúbrela

41.118 notas. Fecha de publicación: 2 de marzo de 2022

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