#theres nothing to worry about or anything lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr was the first site to host the blog for President Barack Obama in 2011.

#theres nothing to worry about or anything lol

00ops1e · 10 months

Text

taskforce 141 + könig x sick! reader

warnings: emetophobia trigger warning, mentions of puking/being sick, fluff, hurt/comfort maybe??, not proofread a/n: omg here it is. the first cod thing ive written! but not actually theres some filth hiding in my documents. this is totally lowkey a self insert. geared towards female! reader but if you squint at the petnames could be gn. i've been so so sick lately and tbh scares me a lil but what cant be fixed by fictional men?? nothing.

Ghost

A little bit of a germaphobe

Will take off his mask, but replace it with a medical mask

Only so he can still hold you, just with a peace of mind

He does NOT want to get sick too

Because then how could he take care of you?

Always has a puke bowl at the ready

Orders your favorite takeout, even if you don’t feel like eating

Because hes a firm believer in leftovers.

Which may just be the cause of this

But you'd never tell him. poor man would get so guilty he had forgotten to throw it away.

Puts on a movie and lets you fall asleep on his chest

I feel like he’s a cold-blooded type of person, doesn’t generate much heat

but makes up for it in comfort

so many blankets

so so many.

Checks your temperature in your sleep

Lowkey counts respirations just to be sure

Makes sure you keep hydrated

Will bring you to urgent care if he’s really worried

No matter how much you protest!

Soap

Squeamish when it comes to throwing up

Will try his very best to stay with you, but sometimes ends up running from the room

Because the last thing he'd wanna do is gag at you

While hes ran away he gets a cold rag to press on your forehead, and clean you up a bit in the process

"yer hidin? awh bonnie i wasnt meanin' to embarrass ye" he says while taking your chin in his hand, forcing you to meet his eyes

"sickness and health yeah? i wanna take care of you"

Insists on rubbing vicks/ vaporub on you

Not because hes a little perv (he is)

But because he loves you and the sniffles break his little heart

peppers kisses across your collarbones, vicks smell clogging his nose

but he’s too focused on the goosebumps that rise on your skin, your little shivers

“Awh, my poor sick lass,”

Constantly checking for a fever

Forcing you to stay in bed, even after you feel better, “not takin chances, rest up.”

this man on the other hand is a human space heater

throwing a blanket on and off the two of you, getting too hot and then shortly after too cold.

not as convenient when it’s hot out lol

head rubs

Gaz

Tries to bring you to a doctor/ urgent care immediatley

Will try to call an ambulance over a slight fever

Stocks up on pedialyte/makes sure youre hydrated

Cuddles constantly, does not care if he catches anything

loves being the big spoon so he can lay in the crook of your neck and still hold onto you tight

Has extra blankets on deck

entertains you with silly little jokes

but then apologizes while giggling because you laughed so hard it hurt a little.

Will feed you cold medicine/tums

teases you when you complain about taking them

“i don’t need you gettin any grumpier love”

Will hold back your hair/ stroke your back while youre getting sick

gets offended when you get embarrassed about it

“are you judging my girl?” he teases you

Tries his best to cook, but lowkey fails miserably

Resorts to cup of noodles and lipton packets.

Price

Such dad vibes

Will make soup or other comfort foods from scratch

And his cooking skills are unmatched

Runs you a shower/bath and washes your hair for you

back rubs and massages

pressing small kisses to your shoulders as he works

also a human heater but not too hot, just the perfect temperature

also just the perfect shape to spoon you, cradling every inch of your body

“I hate it when my baby’s sick,” he says, rubbing soft circles into your side

Doesnt even have to make a pharmacy run because hes so well prepared

Feeds you medicine, on the dot, every few hours after it wears off

(he totally sets reminders in his phone. [typing like an old person with reading glasses on])

Will stay in bed all day with you, quietly typing and mumbling to himself while you nap at his side

occasionally leaning down to kiss your forehead while he works

the computer goes away as soon as you wake up

"how're you feeling princess?"

loves having you in his arms, pulled close to his chest

Carries you to bed if you fall asleep on the couch (bridal style ofc)

Will hold your hair back, refuses to leave your side

“Of course youre not gross darling, we all get sick,”

Konig

rubs your back as you're hunched over the toilet

will sit down with you on the floor, back up against the bathtub when its too much of a risk to leave the bathroom

just wants to keep you company :(

"take as long as you need, liebling"

fills up the tub while still convincing you to get in

he promises you'll feel better after

caves and offers to join you as a last resort to get you cleaned up

Long baths, cuddling in the warm water

Letting the steam clear your sinus

Brushes and braids your hair

when you start feeling better but are still running a fever, hes worried.

but youre dealing with a burst of energy and simply must start with the housework

konig will put you over his shoulder and escort you back to bed

will paint your nails in bed to entertain you, anything to keep you still and in bed

Lets you put your cold feet on him, but only when you dont feel good

totally unprepared because i feel like this man has an immune system of steel

makes a quick pharmacy run, but has to call you for the shopping list bc oops he forgot

depending on how sick you are, lets you come along for the ride

“promise you’ll stay in the car ja?”

always returns with a sweet little treat or small gift/toy for you

“gesundheit!” as he chuckles at your sneeze

jokes that maybe he should put a mask on you

722 notes · View notes

sugar-omi · 10 months

Note

Hi! Your writing is amazing and makes my day every time I see you post. Could I request Cove while trying for a baby with a female MC? He’s so sweet and emotional I can totally imagine it would be equal parts super fluffy/adorable and spicy/hot Thank you! ✨

omg ty thats so nice of you to say!!! also tysm for this rq, i've been waiting for someone to ask smth like this bc i was worried i was the only one thinkin shit like this!!! also i think this is a bit more horny than fluffy, which is why i tried to make up for it w lots of kisses from cove LOL but ykw.. i feel like a part 2 wouldnt be so bad either 👀

tags : NSFW, ok for fem/nb readers, after step 4/wedding dlc, buff cove lol, breeding kink, creampie, overstimulation, cove w oral fixation(? a bit implied), cunnilingus, cove "uses" a nickname that you can "insert" bc i can but also cant see him using pet names, + he calls u good girl, "multiple choice" dialogue (just read 1 of the colored text "options" than continue w the rest of the fic, theres no links or anything <3)

synopsis : you and cove try for a baby.

cove tries to be calm.

and he is! after a bit of panic of course, caused by his worries but excitement for fatherhood but also you want him to.. to... oh god he's too embarrassed to think about it, from finally deciding to have a baby the only natural next emotion is calm! he is cooler than a cucumber!

but now you're laid out under him, as beautiful as ever, and even after years of being together cove can't get enough of you; especially when you're so sweet to have like this.

"cove.." your gasp drug cove out of his daze.

you reach up and cup his face, cove leaning into your touch. "y/n.." he kisses your wrist.

"what're you thinking about?"

cove flushes. there's no way he could tell you exactly what he was thinking, saying that he found the idea of coming inside was totally different from thinking it and he was not ready to that something clicked in him when you finally talked about being ready for a baby...

"you.. just- just you, and how lucky i am." cove decided to distract you by kissing down your neck, leaving a new mark under your ear. thankfully it worked, although maybe you just gave it up because you already know what's going through his head.

he starts working his way down your body, and you fall back on the pillows and let cove treat himself to your cunt.

cove tossed your panties somewhere beyond the bed, his days of nervously folding your panties over. and he latches onto your thighs, sucking more marks into your skin and his fingers lovingly work your clit.

"cove.. i wan' more..." you tangle your hands in his hair, tugging on the strands. wordlessly he moves on to your twitchy core, his tongue slipping inside and lapping up your slick.

cove's boisterous ministrations has you grinding against his face, gasping as he works your sensitive clit and adds a couple fingers to the mix, speeding up the process so he can be inside you.

cove hopes you don't see him grinding against the mattress.

he sits up, his fingers spreading you open easily. while you're panting dozily, cove's fingers abandons your cunt so he can grab the lube from the bedside.

"habit.." cove laughs it off sheepishly.

he instinctually reaches for a condom, but realizes and a wave of heat rushes over him. you won't be needing those for awhile...

cove meets your hooded gaze, a knowing look in your eyes.

you grin, full of mischief. "guess we're gonna have to break it."

cove growls lowly, slapping a hand over his eyes. it does nothing to hide his blush and he curses himself when his cock twitches against his leg.

deciding to come out of hiding, cove peers at you from over his nose and you feel your own heart pick up sped at the stark look of his eyes. something about cove seems like he could devour you, but when he leans down to kiss you so tenderly you think otherwise.

cove poured the lube over his hand, coating his length and he hisses at the heat between his hand and cock. hazily cove thinks that this is the hardest he's been since he was a clumsy teenager.

cove captures you in another loving kiss, wanting to be close to you as he sinks inside.

this is your first time going without a condom, being connected like this has both of you holding onto each other, your nails scratching down his shoulder at the new but welcomed sensation.

this isn't the first time you and cove have done it unprotected, but it has been awhile so you both can't help but pull the other person closer, needing more.

cove buries his face in your shoulder, shaking from how wet and hot you are inside like this. he can feel the way your gummy walls flex around him and he pulls his hips back- the whine that comes out of your taut throat has cove closing his eyes and taking in your every sound as he moves so slowly, so sensually but so lovingly when he grinds his hips into yours.

finally, he finds the strength to remove himself from your shoulder, needing to see your face in ecstasy.

cove looked down at your own blissed out face, and if he could see his own face he'd notice that his own face his flushed and if it was possible, his pupils would turn into hearts from how lost in pleasure and love for you he's in.

he situates his hands on your hips, the pads of his thumbs rubbing affectionate circles into your skin.

"ah- cove, cove.. please move." you reach for him, intertwining one of his hands with your own.

he gives a kiss to the back of your hand, and when he rears back his hips to start a rough pace, if you could you'd think that the kiss was an apology for the way he's using your cunt.

cove's grip on your hand and hip is solid, it grounds you and the only thing you can think of is how deliciously cove is fucking you, his cock brushing and bumping against the sensitive and deepest parts of your insides.

you whine loudly and can't help but throw your head back because it's like he's going faster and when your eyes return from their trip to the back of your head, you open your eyes to feast on the sight of your husband/boyfriend.

and it's self explanatory why you're more aroused than a just moment ago; cove's hair is mused from all your tugging, and his glasses are long abandoned so that way he can see the way his cock pumps in and out of your cunt and the creamy ring around the base of his dick.

"ah- i love you. y-you're so beautiful..." cove soothes you, kissing your cheek.

"i- oh fuck right there!" your nails run down his chest, cove is going to be a mural of hickeys and scratches. "i love you too, ahh- cove!"

cove lets go of your hand in favor of your clit, already knowing your body well enough to know when you're going to cum.

"fuck... that's it, y/n, cum for me."

"hah, cove! f-finish with me, please. want- want..." you pant, hazy and driven to babbling from the way cove has worked you up all night.

"i know n/n, cum with me. that's it, good girl." cove leans down to kiss you.

tangled in a passionate kiss, your moans blend together as you finish. cove grinds his hips into you, his cock rubbing the deepest part of your insides and painting them white.

he falls into your shoulder, panting and planting a kiss there.

cove gets up, realizing you don't need a wall of muscle crushing you.

"y/n..."

he starts to pull out, and cove has another revelation that he did not think this through...

his cum is leaking from your spent hole, more cum pushing out with every squeeze of your insides, still twitchy from your orgasm.

"yes cove?"

cove swallows, meeting your eyes and he feels embarrassed that you already know what he's going to say. and that you clearly know how much this is turning him on.

"one.. one more round? i'll be more gentle, i just uh.."

you put your ankle on cove's shoulder. "cove, fuck me again."

cove tenses up, this is gonna end up being a long night...

#cove holden #our life: beginnings & always #smut #olba #cove holden x reader #cove x mc #cove x reader #cove holden smut #our life cove #cove our life #cove holden x reader smut #cove holden x mc #cove holden x mc smut

368 notes · View notes

tempvstas · 6 months

Text

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

Content Warning(s): some angst, leona being emo lol

Character(s): GN!Reader(no pronouns mentioned), Leona Kingscholar

Authors Notes: Hello all, I am not dead, just busy :] Life update, started uni so I've been busy with that, also, bit off more than I could chew so I burned out HARD. Genuinely lost motivation to write. But I do want to get back into the flow of writing. I'll try and fulfill requests(esp the ones sitting in my inbox, sorry to everyone who sent me requests before im not ignoring you i swear 💀) when I can but theres no guarantee. I wanna write what I can and what I want to and atm its Leona :]]. Please enjoy LMAO

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

Leona couldn't remember the last time he had felt the warmth of another.

Moonlight filters through the open balcony of his room, a gentle breeze causing the curtains to sway slightly. He can feel your hands curled around his waist, his tail wrapped around your leg respectively. He stares at you, watching your chest rise and fall slowly, your soft snores seemingly filling up the room.

Silly Herbivore. He muses, brushing a stray strand of hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear. You're so vulnerable, nestled against his chest. Wholeheartedly clinging onto him as if you were afraid he'd disappear. As he stares at you, he can't help the slight bitterness that wells up in his throat.

Why did you choose him out of everyone? Out of pity? He's never been good enough. The elders and servants back home made that quite obvious enough. He almost laughs out loud at the thought. He would never be good enough, would never be anyone's first choice, and would never put in enough effort because he was just too damn lazy.

A worthless, selfish, arrogant, too prideful for his own good, lazy, a good-for-nothing second prince who will never amount to anything.

Does he even deserve you?

Your slight movements startle him out of his thoughts as he stares down at you, blinking up at him with bleary eyes.

"Leona?" You mumble, rubbing your eyes. "Can't sleep? That's unusual," you tease him, shooting him a sleepy grin. Unwittingly, Leona feels the edges of his lips quirk up, "I was planning on it, until you started squirming around," he huffed. You study his face, a frown marring your features. Leona pokes your brow where it's creased, chuckling slightly, "Don't do that, your face will get stuck like that." You scowl at him, "I'm not a kid," you grumble, "Besides you have that look on your face and I'm worried about you."

Leona stares at you, an eyebrow raised, "Mind elaborating on what 'that look' means." You sit up so that you're face to face with him. "You know, that look! When you get all broody and emo, and all 'oh my sevens im so angsty grr'. That look." Leona wrinkles his nose at your wording, "Very funny Herbivore." You continue to stare at him, concern causes your brow to crease even more.

"Leona, what's wrong? I can tell something's up with you. I know you don't like opening up, and that's fine, but you know I'm here for you, right?" You reach over, taking his hand in yours and giving it a gentle squeeze. Leona's breath hitches in his throat for a second, he finds himself shutting his eyes for a moment. When he opens them again, he finds your gaze trained on his.

Not looking away from him, holding his gaze unwaveringly. Genuine sincerity in your eyes.

"Leona." His ears twitch at the sound of his name being called. Your voice is firm, to get his attention, but soft enough that he doesn't feel the urge to flinch away. He sighs, feeling that you wouldn't let this matter go easily.

"I know you are. If you want the truth, no I'm not fine." Leona grimaces, this feeling of opening himself up was foreign to him. "I'm far from fine. I'm just.....what did I do to deserve you?" His voice breaks a little at the last part, but he continues. "I'm worthless, selfish, arrogant, too prideful for my own good, lazy, a good-for-nothing second prince who will never amount to anything. Compared to Farena or that damned lizard Malleus, I'm nothing. I have nothing. I will never be anything more because I will always be overshadowed by people like them." He takes a second to collect his thoughts before continuing. "I've always had to work hard to earn my keep only for everything to crumble like sand. All my hard work amounting to nothing because someone just so happens to be lucky enough to just be better." His ears flatten against his head out of irritation.

You listen to his words, staying silent. You give him a moment to catch his breath before hesitantly reaching over, pressing a hand to his cheek. Leona flinches, but then leans into your touch after a brief second. "Hey...look at me," you nudge his face so that he's staring at you.

"Look, I will admit you can be selfish, hell sometimes kind of a dick. You irritate me and sometimes I want to strangle you cause you won't let me get to class on time because you won't get off me." You pause, before continuing, "But you are not worthless. And you're not a good-for-nothing second prince. I love you, faults and all. You, Leona Kingscholar, are the best damn thing that has ever happened to me okay? I would go to hell and back for your stinky ass." Leona laughs softly at your nickname for him, leaning more into your hand. "You are worthy. I didn't choose to love you because I felt pity for you, I love you because of who you are. You say that all your hard work crumbles to sand? I've seen you pick yourself back up again. You're passionate about what you're interested in, and even if you won't outwardly say it, I know you care. You're not a saint by any means, far from it. But that's what I love about you. You're flawed and imperfect, and I say that's better than some perfect curated image of who you're supposed to be." You poke his chest to emphasize your point.

"So don't you ever question why I love you okay?" Your thumb brushes over the scar over his left eye, pressing a soft kiss to his eyelid. His eyelashes tickle your face as you do so. "I love you, scars and all. And I'll say it as many times as I need to."

Leona stares at you, a mix of emotions in his gaze. He clears his throat, his tail tugging you closer to him. "Fuck...that was hot," he smirks, leaning in, his nose brushing against yours. "Seriously? I give you this long speech and thats what you have to say?" You roll your eyes playfully, smacking his shoulder lightly. Leona's laughter rumbles in his throat as a hand gently holds onto the back of your neck, pulling you in for a kiss. Despite his rough exterior, his kisses are gentle, his lips molding against yours. His other hand finds its way to your waist, holding you in place as you straddle his hips.

The two of you part for air, small gasps can be heard between you. You wrap your arms around his neck as you settle next to him, head nestled in his neck. Leona adjusts his position into a more comfortable one, his chin resting against the top of your head. The two of you lay in silence, the only audible sound being the occasional breeze that ruffles the curtains. Slowly you find yourself falling into the embrace of sleep.

"Herbivore?" You hear his voice above you. "Mhmm?" you mumble sleepily, feeling your eyes drooping.

"....I love you." You smile, hearing his words, before drifting off.

Ensuring that you're asleep, Leona leans over, kissing your forehead, watching your sleeping face. "....Thank you for being in my life.....and for not giving up on me," he whispers, before settling against you and drifting off himself.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

Back to Navigation [ ❖ ]

Back to the Masterlist [ ❖ ]

Request Tracker [ ❖ ]

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #disney twisted wonderland #ashers writing #twisted wonderland imagines #twst x reader #disney twst #leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader #leona kingscholar twisted wonderland #leona kingscholar x you #YALL DONT UNDERSTAND THE CHOKEHOLD THIS MAN HAS ON ME #I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH #IF HE WAS A CHEW TOY I WOULD THROW HIM AROUND(affectionate)#GRRR CURSE YOU LEONA KINGSCHOLAR #anyways im not dead guys hello #im so normal about him

227 notes · View notes

imperfection-in-one-human · 6 months

Text

The odd one.

Tav x Everyone

Warnings: depressions ; self harming behaviour ; bad english ; bad written lol ; im not good at writing endings ngl ; self doubts ; thoughts about suicide and even mentions ; descriptions of wounds ; teeny tiny bit of fluff ; drama ; angst ; idk poly relationship?

Note: hello everyone who thinks this is gonna be good lol. Its just a little drabble i really wanted to write but thats like my first fic/drabble ever so please be kind :') still i hope you enjoy that small thingy. Also i used they/them as tavs pronouns and theres no specific description to their look. Also there might be typos etc. English is not my native language!

If someone has to describe tav than they would probably take the word "odd". Odd because they were so clumsy that it was nothing new when they tripped over their own feet or stumble right into a trap, indicators where most started to think that they're absolutely not capable of fighting or at least not being good at it. Most would think that they're just gonna stumble into sword, or spells, and call it a day. But, much to everyones suprises, it wasnt like that. Tav was rather good at slaying things, beheading goblins or punch someone so hard that they're loosing foot - they were even good at taking hits until their nose run bloody and their lips were chapped, even bruised. The description of "odd' was perfect for them and still, it seems that there were even more things about them that made them so weird. Not only had they a habit of not treating their wounds probably, no, they also tried to downplay them and saying that they are not as bad as you think it is. Even when shadowheart tried to heal a claffing wound on their arm they just tried to get away from her healing spell - something about "dont waste it in me shadowheart, keep it until someone really needs it. Wyll got wounded too". It was weird but no one really questioned it, they shoved it onto the fact that tav was indeed a very selfless person. Always trying to do something good or even trying to give most of their being to people so that they didnt have to suffer - may it be a healing potion, a weapon or even the safe space behind a wall. Tav would always give up things like that, taking hits for every companion they got ans smile at them afterwards with reassuring words because "it doesnt hurt that much! Dont you worry!"

It was only time later when they found out the truth and its all because of that artist. Someone who they thought they're never gonna see ever again but here he was with a ghost in front of him and said ghost was just so mad at him that everyone was ready again to fight but instead they got to hear the whole story and when the ghost said why she was dead tavs eyes got dull for a second.

A second where it felt as if the ocean crashed right onto them, waves of unspoken sadness and a hidden longing no one wanted a admit, tidal waves who threaten to consume every last single bit of them, swallowing them whole and keeping them right into their embrace. It was as if someone spoke the right words for a curse to be lifted, a lingering curse everyone knew that it existed but no one wanted to admit. It was only then where everyone kind of knew why tav did things the way they did, why they never quite let their wounds heal or reopening them again in a battle. Why they never quite cared enough about themself to even try to heal anything about them. Why they never really took onto the pretty words everyone said to them in and out of camp, why they shied away from any ounce of love even though every single one loved them with such a burning passion that it would burn them and they would happily accept it. They would love to crumble under that heat and still they never really got it, of course they exchanged small little affecrionate gestures like hugs, cuddles or kisses on the cheek but it never seemed to go further than that. They knew that their tav was in shatters and pieces, still they tried to but them back together.. it just seemed that they never quite made it. As if it they were million miles away even though tav was right infront of them. Still that didnt stopped any of them to express their love for their leader, there was still hope that one day they would get into that broken little heart. Maybe they just needed time? Maybe love wouldnt heal them completely?

Maybe everything came into a full picture right here and then even though it was just a small second. After that incident everyone went back to camp where the inevitable came - all of them wanted to know what was going on but no one really dared to ask. It was such a delicate topic, they were scared that their beloved leader would built up even more walls, what they didnt know was the fact how much tavs heart ached - how much they yearned for the love they could have and even the relationship what was right infront of them. The only thing holding them back was fear. Fear that every single of them would see them as they see themself. That they would leave them with their heart in their hands and crush it like fallen leaves from a tree. They were so love and touched starved sometimes it felt like they were going crazy! They wanted all of this to be real and still there was a small voice in their heads telling them that they deserved none of this, that they are not important enough that someone would even care when they were gone. Just died in a battle or got swept away from the absolute. That all of them just love them because they were travelling together and as soon as the journey ends they going seperate ways. Astarion would live the life he wanted, karlach would get her own small home again, laezel fullfilling her wish of ascending, wyll roaming the coast, gale going back to tara and his tower, shadowheart living with her parents and halsin going back into the shadowlands so he can be with his old and beloved friend. That sounded real. That sounded like it would happen and not their little dream of living with them until death itselfs collects them. Still.. they dreamed about that little fantasy everyday, selfishly wanting that and nothing more. Just living in peace with every person they love.. then why does their heart hurt so much as soon as they're showing love for them? Is it too good to be true? Were they scared? Probably everything of the above.

So they really needed to talk to them all of them. And they're gonna do that, letting all of them into that broken heart of theirs and allowing themself to be happy?

... maybe if they let a little bit of sunshine into their pierced heart they may allow themself to dream a little longer with the. To accept the love they wanted to give. Maybe it wasnt such a bad wish after all?

184 notes · View notes

ganondoodle · 5 months

Text

im pretty sure i mentioned all these things before but its too late to start drawing anything and each time i see someone talk about totk i just get sad and frustrated again

literally by FAR the biggest problem about totk is that it REFUSES to connect to botw in any way beyond reusing the same map and character models, and even taking the things botw had established and ruin them entirely

ancient hero? BAM weird sonau dog thing that remains completely unexplained and out of nowhere eight heroine myster- BAM just some guy long gone sonau peopl- BAM here they are and they have zero connection to the ones of botw mystical dragons gracing the skies with their presence- BAM probably some dude who ate a magic pebble once strange mystical nature god you could rarely encounter in one specific spot and the area was made to feel utteraly unsettling but also divine- BAM now hes everywhere and only serves you as a shorthand for man pointing at cave the strange energy all shiekah tech was powered with with certain locations being ones where alot of it was concentrated including beneath hyrule castle clearly stating that somethings up with that- welp theres evil guy donw there but he has zero connection to all that lol

the whole shiekah tech thing, i just- WHY???? LIKE THAT??? there was so much stuff in botw that seemed deliberately placed that there IS more to it and now it all vanished and nothing of that mattered??? i saw a video of someone comparing certain places directly and on some where towers literally broke away tons of debris where just like .. sanded back down like nothing ever happened???; the fuking mechanism of how the towers and shrines and the pillars around the castle worked AND WHAT THE BOTW BOSS ARENA WAS ACTUALLY FOR?? its all gone and replaced with dirt; tHE ANCIENT FUCKING FURNANCES UTTERLY GONE AND REPLACED WITH ROCKS HUH???? so nothing of all that talk about their mystery and mechanism mattered???? the luminous stoens and its connection to spirits and how concentrated spiritual energy might have been what powered the tech- like you could connect things, and they made SENSE, so much sense that that seemed like it was intentionally setting up- only for it all to be just GONE?? to literally say lol it all vanished and that we shouldnt worry about it- like what the FUCK (and it also AGAIN doesnt make sense in itself bc WE SEE GUARDIAN PARTS in the towers, and some parts of them too are made of clearly shiekah tech stuff so it cant all have vanished- all their mystery doesnt matter bc idk it just works i guess lol and its not even called shiekah tech at any point either its just there and also not lol-)

(and even the smaller things like .. where the fuck does link live if everyone treats him like a goddamn stranger in the town you had to buy a house in botw for it to not be demolished and now that house is there but its not yours and noone knows you??? sth i personalyl found strange too that dumsda, the guy you help build an entire town, taburasa, had a very specific talking quirk i loved, and its all just gone in totk too, he talks like any other person all of the sudden

also at the end of botw finally being reunited with zelda and giving you the taste of being in the game WITH her at the same time in the intro to totk- WOOP away she goes! shes your pretty prize at the end and nothing more, what a way to disrespect her and her character..)

imagine if majoras mask didnt have the opening like it has and it otherwise stayed the same and they tried to tell you that its a direct sequel happening exactly where ocarina of time happened in the same world, zelda who?? ganondorf who??? things seem weird and off? lol dont worry about that :)) that would be weird and not make any sense at all now would it??

... sorry going on another rant again, ill just never be able to accept everything from botw didnt actually matter, and despite what some people might say, its pretty hard to ignore totk bc i LOVE botw, and as much as i hate it, they are connected in canon, even if it makes no sense

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #totk #ganondoodles rants #i know im jsut repeating myself at this point #but some things just #i CANNOT understand why they did it like this #where the hell did kashiwa go man #i miss that funky bird #was he too much associated with botw and so it had to be done away with bc all botw things BAD??#what i would have given for seeing the titans now enshrined as temples to honor their service and their champion #to have broken shiekah shrines in the depths #old research labs with unreadable text but clear hints to how they made the guardians cores #the yiga rediscovering their lost heritage #..#i could talk about so much stuff again and again but i have done that about most thigns already #this game grinds my gears #sand in the maschine #ouch urhg ack gah

127 notes · View notes

lains-reality · 10 months

Note

hello! i rlly love your blog and the way you explain things

how do i just apply? whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info and things i have to make sure i’m doing right then i spiral and over consume again. i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore.

what’s the simplest way to apply all of this and just “manifest” (i don’t rlly like this word bc it implies there’s a process or that i’m trying to get) my dream life? thank you

hi! ty!

it takes some courage! i also read a lot as a way to feel secure, but eventually i just got tired and just decided 'i have no more fears from this day on! done with this!' and i made it a practise to stop avoiding myself whenever something comes up

its all very natural, i can't say how you'll just finally decide that your over this lol

"whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info"

well, learn how to stop yourself in the moment. you're putting too much pressure on your character! it only know what it knows now, it will not accept anything outside of what it already knows! thats why you leave it alone. read all you want to read, but stop when you feel like you have to. like you must. let yourself relax.

"i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore."

good! keep going!

"what’s the simplest way to apply all of this"

just do it. try it and see. something that is a recurent theme in all the posts and book i read, is to try it. experiment. just for this one moment, let all the worries go. promise to never make problems for yourself again. you've given up troubles now, no more. just test it and see. surrender. let the mind cry and scream, for this moment, you won't allow it to deter you from freedom.

i'll give a list of stuff that helped me

theres only now -> stop bringing the past to now, learn to sit in the present moment

stop avoiding emotions, sit with the fear, discomfort etc

you already are Self! nothing can undo that!

be patient

non attachment (or detachment)

experiment - take something you already know and test it

question everything

find out what are the stories you want, what the desire will supposedly give you

it is not necessary to get rid of thoughts or images just stop deriving identity from them

"am i arguing for my limitations?"

soon more lovely thoughts and images will appear in your awareness and you can choose what you want

can you outgrow it? not you. observe it? not you. in the absense of it, you don't dissapear? not you.

be okay with not having it. get to a place where no one and no thing can disturb you (and your happiness and peace)

just see how absurd all this shit is. like i was born? what was it like before i was born? why is it normal to hear your voice in your head? no one knows what tomorrow is but we all worry abt it, where tf does the voice in your head come from? how can we actually identify feelings, what if the feeling pride isn't actually pride and you've been lied to? do you know how crazy this is for an infant?! we say we are an [x] person and that changes and so we say we are an [y] person, so who are we?? if we can change like that? being a human is confusing, seek the truth out and question all

just start to disidentify as the body-mind. when you disidentify as the body-mind you'll start to feel better as all the pressure you put on your character falls away. this will intice you to keep going as you feel freer!

have fun!! go and live life!! appriciate what you have now - this is all expressing the character, omnipr3sence, perfectly! you'll start to see "i barely thought abt x 2 days ago and now i see it here lol" "i was worrying about y and now i see it here too" "oh so this comes along with being the character too, maybe i should change that story"

you're in your own dream, see it as your dream and you'll start seeing the connections.

no need to convince the character, just move on. let yourself doubt this 'reality'

disclaimer: i'm still learning too! so please keep practising and have your own epiphanies!

reading

habit

no need to convince

behaviour

#lainsmail #to the other anon who wanted to start applying: here u are

264 notes · View notes

fatuismooches · 3 months

Note

AUAUUAGGWGGSFYEUVUDVIBDIBFKN HIIII Giggling about akademiya dottore again...

Like one day theres a group assignment but he finds himself with no partners!!! mostly because he's so difficult to work with. But suddenly reader just jumps out of their seat, strolls over to the teacher, and DEMANDS to be Dottore's partner.

Everyone just kinda goes "huh???" and before the teacher can even answer reader just strolls over and sits next to Dottore with a smile. ACTING LIKE NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED? Dottore is so confused and in shock. I like to think he just STARES at them for a good 3 minutes straight. agauuuaaggh

my brain hasn't thought of anything after that but the brainrot is REAL. MY BRAIN SO BIG AND FULL OF DOTTORE. I need to force myself to write omg 😭 im so lazy.

also im glad u like my art LOL ig u just know who I am now 💀 its funny tho so no worries - 🐓

It's not uncommon for Dottore to be partnerless for group activities. There was probably a point when some scholars tried to be paired with him so they could get good grades thanks to him, but needless to say it... didn't work out the way they planned. So usually it's either he has no partner for group assignments, or the professor picks partners and he's forced to work with someone else (he had zero communication with said partner... this is the only time he gets a less than-perfect grade, for poor collaboration... he's always grumpy about it).

When the professor lets the other students mingle with each other, Zandik doesn't even bother to move from his seat, already planning out everything he needs to do for the project. He just hopes he'll be able to work by himself in peace, and that he won't be bothered by the shallow minds of his fellow classmates. However, he could not have predicted your little... show. Just what do you think you're doing? And who are you even? He can't seem to recall your face.

(Little does he know, you've signed up for this class just because you heard he was enrolled in it, and you've been waiting for a group project to be assigned so you can be his partner, and then (hopefully) befriend him).

Other students are incredibly worried for you, like hey, you can join our group! Three people in a group are totally fine! You don't need to subject yourself to working with the Outcast! But nope, you've already made yourself cozy in the seat next to Zandik's, inwardly SO giddy but meanwhile, your partner has a dozen thoughts running through his mind. Mostly he wonders what's wrong with you and the feeling that this group project won't be the normal kind.

He's right on both of those things because no matter how hard he tries to avoid you, after that day you always seem to pop up out of nowhere, genuinely excited to work on the project with him and listen to his thoughts. (You even came to his dorm room with your part??) It's really weird and you are too.

But by the end of the project, he hates how he wants more.

#smooches talks #🐓 anon #dottore love notes <3 #HI THANK YOU AS ALWAYS FOR DOTTORE THOUGHTS... ILY #we love a reader who doesnt give up #PLS IM SORRY 🐓 ANON... kind of want to reblog some of ur art but i didn't want to make u uncomfy or something... 😭#AND DONT WORRY ABT FORCING URSELF TO WRITE just let it come to you

48 notes · View notes

thatdeadaquarius · 1 year

Note

I found one of your sagau posts about language and got me thinking xD

Reader who knows a lot of languages which gets people confused. Are they speaking in their godly language? Are they really that mad that they switched to another language? Why are they smirking like that--- (Aether/Lumine who understood everything trying so hard not to laugh at people's reactions)

Why did I imagine that after a flowery speech Reader delivers a response so blunt the vine boom sfx can be heard---

Reader trying out flowery speech and failing, while the rest of the people in the background are either A.) Trying to convince you that its alright to talk simply (oh now you turn the tables--) or B.) Some of them fainting in devotion/cuteness because their god looks at them so eagerly for feedback

I heard somewhere that Mondstadt is based on Germany and another post about Snezhnaya (bruh whats the spelling 🤣💀) based on Russia, so I thought that while they speak english they also throw in a couple words of their respective language (or in some drunk cases, full out native language). Cue reader just.... 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♀️

Bilingual reader who uses full advantage of their knowledge into making puns and jokes to Cyno----

WE CAUGHT ANOTHER ONE BOYS

YES YES THE PSPSPSPSS NEVER FAILSSS🛐🛐🛐

(subliminalmessagingpspspspsscometomeaskscomepspspspspssubliminalmessaging)

___________

DUDE ive thought abt just making it where Aether/Lumine are the only ones who understand English/ur language and like, while u can (or maybe cant for shenanigans) speak Teyvatian (ew theres gotta be a better word for that?) Theres NOTHING as amazing as the bilingual experience of pranking bitches

Eula gives like a whole poetry book of a speech to you guys to be more responsible abt gliding in the city (its cute <3 shes actually very concerned bc you know you would do sm that would worry her, i mean i know im just flinging myself off of every surface all the time, esp in Mondstadt im not using no stairs💀)

And you just... turn to Aether/Lumine and say smth in English and they bust out laughing

(Or worse, u two are giggling like little shits✨️)

Dont feel too bad Eula, they do this to everyone

(Paimon's constantly on ya'lls case abt it)

Like u didnt even say anything rude (probably), as u explained to Eula, but its like this all the time, sm ppl even find themsleves jealous of this bond you two have got, tho whether they are jealous of Aether/Lumine or you is still still hard to tell,,)

♧

IM SO GLAD ONE PERSON OUT THERE GOT THE FLOWERY SPEECH -> YOU REPLY -> VINE BOOM 🤝🤝🤝 THING I WAS TRYING TO CONVEY

Thats deadass like how i imagine half the time it would be like talking to ppl, esp if ur critizing smth that person was doing lmao (like roasting them)

Its even funnier if like, u didnt hear the vine boom so to speak, like u got ur back to the rest of the characters/npcs while ur talking to this one person and u dont even know u just said smth that's got like one person crying laughing

(KAEYA, aether/lumine, hu tao, KAVEH, Venti, childe, Yae Miko, SCARAMOUCHE/WANDERER, beidou, off the top of my head)

♡

Another one is just standing there in shock, when will they unfreeze? Only time can tell

(Zhongli, jean, eula, keqing, ayaka, ganyu, kuki shinobu, once again off the top of my head theres so many characters at this point in genshin help)

♡

They're just like,, processing still, theyre probably overthinking everything u say bc to them you give so little information 💀 i can see the like transparent images of their thinking faces floating around them now LMAO

(Alhaitham, zhongli again rip, DILUC, kaeya's also laughing at him not just you his stomach hurts help him, Ei, XIAO, ALBEDO, Ayato but he'd also be muffling a laugh, Kazuha maybe i can also see him just giggling n shit, Kokomi, CYNO, Tighnari but also he'll react like its the funniest joke ever while he's trying to actually think abt it, so he just ends up standing there, thinking outloud, then cracking up over and over again lol)

♤

Oh Cyno u sweet summer child, as soon as u started making puns it was over for him, no one can stop you, even if Tighnari can't understand ur language rn he can definitely just sense there's bad jokes being made, esp if Cyno gets it and his lip like, twitches upward or even worse, he chuckles.

(Tighnari's totally getting onto him for corrupting you)

☆

pLEASE US ACTUALLY TRYING TO SPEAK LIKE THEM 😭😭😭

What a cute image, just some of them reassuring us and some of them thinking its cute for trying, and we look around the room when we try for feedback i know i would 😭😭

If i actually got close tho they better give me a headpat or smth

___________

Anyway THANK YOU for the ask!! (subliminalmessingpspspspspscometomeaskscomepspsps)

That was a BEAUTIFUL✨️ thing to read, got my heart doin backflips and shit 😳😊🥰

God this is so long im so sorry everyone

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

#my asks #ask box open #please send asks #genshin sagau #not really #im gonna still label it that but its really #genshin isekai #genshin imagines #genshin sagau ideas #genshin impact #im not putting character tags suffer #genshin god reader

401 notes · View notes

yoonsdoll · 7 months

Text

[ 19 : 53 ] - lsm

content : bf!dk x gn!reader ; fluff , comfort , drabble ; 0.6k words warnings : pet names (dk uses the term 'sweetheart') - you and seokmin come back from a date, just to spend more time together an : this was a little rushed but i wanted to write about boyfriend dk lols

[ 19 : 53 ]

‘seokmin, you should have let me pay this time’ you huffed as you walked into the dark lit house, seokmin right behind you, admiring the way you relax as soon as you step into the small home you both found just a few months prior.

‘you know ill never let you pay as long as im with you’ he chuckled sweetly in response, taking off his shoes and coat, placing them neatly at the entrance as he knew how much you hated the sight of a mess; especially in the morning once you woke up, ruining your mood. you both just returned from a (dinner) date, one that he promises you every week, a day where nothing gets in the way between you two. a day where you swear all your stress can go away for a moment and a day where he gets to treat you to as many things you'd like just to see the smile on your face - which he claims to be his favourite sight. ‘are you tired?’ he softly asks as he walks towards the kitchen, ‘i was thinking… lets have a movie night?’ you were a little tired, but theres no way you would ever miss a movie night with your boyfriend, especially when you knew it would just end up with you falling asleep in his arms, and him falling asleep not long after you too. you nodded to the request as your cheeks tinted a light pink colour just thinking about it all, about him. you never knew how you got so lucky to get a boyfriend like seokmin, one who listens to all your needs and struggles and doesnt expect anything in return (but of course, you provide the same comfort to him), a boyfriend that reminds you how much you mean to him, leaving no space for any worries that you may ever have. and he thought the same about you too, he waited for nights like these to snuggle up close to you, to hold you in his arms and whisper sweet nothings into your ear, melting his own hardships away. the fact you were now his, absolutely blew him away considering he was nervously asking his best friends, seungkwan and soonyoung, how to ask you out, all just under a year ago. before you knew it, seokmin was already sitting on the couch with you, putting on a movie on netflix and passing you the bowl full of salted popcorn, holding a cup of tea that he was waiting to give you. you ended up ‘watching’ the truman show, mostly paying attention to seokmin, how he looked at you so dearly and the way his smile lines showed so prominently when he smiled looking at you.

‘i love you so much’ you slipped out suddenly as you looked at him, his attention on the tv breaking to look at you. you always managed to make his cheeks a little redder, even from a few words that you tell each other everyday. it was silly, the way you were dating for months now but you still managed to make him feel like that. it felt like he could never get bored of your pretty face or your tired voice in the mornings, never get bored of moments like these, never get bored of you. he opened up his arms for you to rest in, his heart practically overflowing with happiness.

‘i love you so much more sweetheart’

#seventeen fanfic #dokyeom #seokmin fluff #lee seokmin #seokmin x reader #svt seokmin #dk #seventeen #svt dk #dk x reader #dokyeom x reader #seventeen fluff #drabble #fluff #comfort #yoonsdoll #laura : drabbles !#laura : writing !

99 notes · View notes

rainbowpui · 9 months

Note

"SJ abused many talented disciples"

But it wasn't mentioned anywhere other than SY's chapters and I dont trust SY's pov on SJ especially not when he thought that SJ SA-ed NYY,SJ was in love with QHT, killed LQG and helped LBH to kill YQY.

LITERALLY SY is an unreliable narrator. he THINKS he knows everything about PIDW but most of what he thought at the beginning of the novel gets disproved. its... literally an important plot point that SY makes problems for himself bc hes too hung up on what he THINKS he knows about the characters. But like..... 99% of this is shown to be wrong....

in fact... realizing that almost everything he thought about sj is wrong.... is part of what makes him realize that what he has been thinking about LBH has been wrong too. why would we have to take his word from the START OF THE NOVEL about that when he discover he was wrong about everything else?

when sy wakes up all of sj's disciples were crowded around him worried and wanting for their shizun to wake up (except lbh). that.. doesnt exactly make me feel like they all hate him.

sy claims that sj was a lecher who lusted after his students..... but when we actually see sj's pov it turns out he isnt going to the brothels for sex but because thats the only place he can feel comfortable away from men bc of his trauma. we know its canon that he cares for nyy bc sy literally uses sj's care for her as a way to get around ooc and help lbh, but theres literally nothing to imply his affection is sexual in nature. sj saves qht and drags her away from the fire bc he feels indebted to her for being his only escape from the abuse by the other members of her household, not bc hes in love with her. even when saving her puts him in danger bc thats a loose end that can and does come back to bite him. tbh i cant say its canon that hes gay.... but he certainly doesnt seem to show any interest in women and gives "all of his loyalty" to another man and waits for him like a maiden waiting for her lover to return lol

we learn in the sqh extras that not only did sj not kill lqg in the caves but he tried to save him and just failed that time. we literally SEE sj save lqg on the mission with sqh and then get embarrassed and not even ask for credit for it.

sy blames sj for "killing yqy" but when we see the 79 extras.... he literally tries to push him away and tells him to leave when hes captured so that yqy stays safe and literally mentions that when he was FORCED BY LBH to write the letter he tried to make it obvious that its a trap. why is sj being blamed for lbh killing yqy just to hurt him???? sy CLAIMS to know everything about PIDW but literally the point mxtx is making by showing that sy is wrong about everything about sj.... is that maybe he doesnt know as much as he thinks... he thinks that lbh was the cause of the jinlani city plague as well and THAT is wrong too. (it was actually..... sy's fault. for releasing zzl.. OOPS.)

I dont care if he THOUGHT sj was like that at the start of the novel. hes not actually a reliable source!! esp at the start sj definitely DID abuse lbh. i dont think most sj stans will deny that or pretend that what he did was right. but.... we dont actually see him treat any other disciples poorly. if anything sy is the one making everyone else run laps and teaching them nothing to the point that sqh mentions that the disciples turn from "scholars" into "adhd children".... sy HIMSELF admits that its a good thing sj taught his students enough that they can basically run the sect on their own so that he can be lazy and do nothing and delegate to everyone else. i imagine that he might have been a bit strict as a teacher to the other students but thats not the same as abusing all of them. its literally just lbh he had an issue with

sometimes i feel like ppl didnt even read the same book when they take everything sy says at face value. hes a flawed character who is forced to rethink all the things he thought about BOTH sj AND lbh after witnessing sj's backstory makes him realize..... he cant actually assume he knows everything about these characters just bc he read PIDW. SQH himself admits that the sv universe is based on his rough draft, NOT on the dumbed down version that he was forced to write for the $$$ that sy ended up reading

somehow ppl can admit that sy was wrong about other characters but not about sj even when we see him proven wrong on screen??? its really strange... sj did SOME things wrong but not 99% of the shit ppl accuse him of

#svsss #shen jiu #shen yuan #asks

101 notes · View notes

inkysquelched · 2 months

Text

Them.

I drew my bozos and there’s nothing you can do about it. Now get ready for a long post as I talk about my headcannons for them. Feel free to ask me anything about them, I love rambling:

Agent 3: Has a major RBF, but she’s nice I promise you. She’s been enjoying her role as captain but was overwhelmed at first.

Weapon preferences: shooters, chargers

Fave Special: Splashdown

Agent 4: Just vibing honestly, she’s gotten pretty good at hacking/research over the years.

Weapon preferences: daulies, brushes

Fave Special: Boyah Bomb

Agent 8: Curses in octarian at least 5 times a day. Remarkably relaxed despite all the bs shes been through.

Weapon preferences: shooters

Fave Special: Triple Inkstrike

Neo 3: A chaotic child, will occasionally eat stuff off the floor.

Weapon preferences: tri-stringer, blasters if shes feeling spicy

Fave Special: Super Chump

Some Honorable Mentions:

3 has a major sweet tooth and she won’t apologize for it. (shes awful with spicy food tho gchfxgfz)

Neo really likes bread.

8 will eat the most criminally offensive spicy food without a reaction.

3 likes to sleep in her squidform, it’s kinda weird to others. It’s honestly more worrying if she doesn’t shift forms. (hc that people usually only do that when theyre really sick…..and then theres 3)

4 listens to her music too loud.

3 and 4 bicker all the time, but it rarely gets to a point where they’re actually upset. They especially fight about how to lead on missions (this is moot bc 3 is the captain lol) because 3 prefers the “slow and steady” approach and 4 prefers to play “fast and loose”, if that makes sense. (8s just here for the ride)

The squid sisters like to say that 3 and 4 are twins and they both hate it.

3 is a runaway, Neo is an orphan. Different circumstances, same outcome. They relate to each other a lot and I think thats awesome (and sad).

Neo (and 8) will occasionally say some out of pocket shit without realizing just how messed up it really is: “what? you’ve never had to eat out of the trash before?”

3 is very emotionally numb and has a hard time expressing any care towards others, so she ends up showing it through favors/giving advice/“are you ok?”s. She’ll tell you to put on a jacket when it’s 70 degrees out lol. (this is also why she’s a mess around 8, those are feelings she has no idea how to deal with)

3 is terrified of being sick (like bedridden sick, haha sanitization go brr) and will inwardly panic the whole time.

3 has the worst alcohol tolerance behind Marie and 4. (Callie will drink 12 shots of vodka without flinching)

Octolings have a very different view on relationships than inklings do; inklings will date/marry out of love while octolings will treat it more as a transaction (not saying they can’t, love just isn’t a priority). 8 as had and infatuation for 3 for years but doesn’t act on it because she wasn’t sure if she really felt the way she did. She knows inklings hold more weight to relationships and didn’t want to risk hurting 3 if she was wrong. (the events of side order really helped her figure it out)

After the events of Splatoon 2, 4 took a back seat on being an agent. Less frontlines and more research focused. (like Marie lol) She hated this at first, but grew to like it.

3s alter ego is DJ Sango, she uses her rapping/singing to vent. 4 and 8 play dumb and pretend they don’t know about her account. (They both listen to her music tho 😶)

8 is extremely calm, you’d have to be trying to piss her off.

Inklings are like mood rings, there tentacles will change color depending on their mood (think like streaks or spots of other colors) The more intense the emotion, the deeper the color.

8 and 3 both have to clean/replace their weapon filters more often than most but for different reasons: for eight its bc shes an octoling (their ink is more abrasive) while 3 has thicker ink than normal as the last remnant of being partially sanitized.

3 isn’t actually as stinky as the squid sisters will have you believe. She one time came back from a mission smelling particularly RANKED that day, and they’ve never let her live it down.

There’s probably more but I can’t think of any rn

k bye <3

34 notes · View notes

wooahaes · 1 year

Text

cause you’re my flower

pairing: non-idol!seungkwan x gn!reader, ft roommate!dk

word count: 9.3k~

warnings: angst, no happy ending. usage of the hanahaki disease trope + mentions of surgery (& hospitals). heartbreak, depictions of illness (via hanahaki), reader struggles with breathing some. vernon says ‘dude’ but its unclear whether its aimed at reader or toward chan (it can be easily read either way). minimal proofreading, my bad.

daisy’s notes: ok google play flower + fallin’ flower by svt. in my heart theres a sequel of reader n joshua + jeonghan (or just reader and seokmin tbh, both could work) slowly falling in love lol but i doubt anyone wants that fic

It all started with a tickle in the back of your throat in early winter.

In your defense, you’d just thought you were coming down with something. From the corner of a cozy cafe, you waited for Seungkwan with a burning hot cup of tea in a to-go cup between your hands. Maybe you’d make another cup when you went home--black tea, maybe, with honey for your health. Seokmin would probably give you a soup recipe if you asked and help you make it, too (the perks of having a lovely roommate). But that could wait, as you saw Seungkwan walk into the cafe. He spotted you, smiling and waving before he went to order his Americano. He’d asked you to meet him here, and yet you’d arrived before he did. You’d tease him about it later: you always seemed to be the one who showed up to places before he did (out of habit for getting places early, to be fair).

Soon enough, Seungkwan had sat across from you, making small talk while he opened the plastic. You’d been talking about work when you noticed the way he fumbled the straw, the plastic hitting the table.

Was he nervous...?

“Everything okay?” You tilted your head, as if it’d give you a better look at him. His eyes flickered up to meet your own, and you smiled. “You can tell me anything, you know.”

Seungkwan let out a sigh a moment later, annoyed that his nerves had triumphed over his attempt to act casual. “I went out on a date.”

For a second, your smile faltered. “Oh?”

“And it went well,” he said, pushing his straw into his drink. The ice clinked as he picked it up, taking a long sip before setting it back down. “She wants to go out again, but...”

“But?”

He met your gaze again. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

In another life, you’d probably laugh at him. Tease him over being clueless before asking what they’d agreed on. But that damn tickle in the back of your throat made you cough, smile falling as you reached for your drink. Seungkwan, kind as he always was, had immediately moved to push it into your hands. He waited, watching you take a long sip of your tea until your throat felt soothed.

“Are you sick?” He frowned, brows drawing tightly together. “I should have asked before asking you to meet me--”

You waved him off. “I’m fine, Kwannie,” you forced your voice to stay lighter, as if nothing was wrong. “Don’t worry about me.”

Yet he pouted, “Have you been taking your vitamins? It’s cold out. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll get sick...”

Again, you dismissed the thought. “I’m fine,” you pushed further. “So... Do you like her?”

His face flushed at the question as he averted his gaze, taking another long sip through his straw instead of answering your question. “She’s... really kind,” he settled on a moment later. “I think she really likes me.”

Who wouldn’t like you? You cast that thought aside. “That’s good,” you kept your tone even. “So... You’re telling me all of this because...?”

“I want to buy her flowers,” he said. “And I want someone to go with me, and Vernon can’t--not that I’d ask him. You know flowers. So...”

Despite that same damn feeling in your throat picking back up, you swallowed hard and nodded. “Of course I’ll go with you,” you said. “You didn’t have to ask me out to coffee to ask that.”

Seungkwan’s face flushed once more. “I...” He knew you had a point. “I just wanted to see you. Is that so wrong?” When you began to cough again, Seungkwan frowned, “I’ll get you some napkins. You should go home and rest,” he stood up. “Seriously...” He huffed, “We’re friends. You should have told me you weren’t feeling well.”

Truthfully, you didn’t know you were coming down with something. You’d been fine up until he asked you to come meet him, and even then it had only been that tiny tickle in the back of your throat. With napkins pushed into your hands, you bid Seungkwan farewell before leaving--but not without him saying he’d text Seokmin and demand that he take care of you. He was your close friend, that’s what friends were for (and Seungkwan could probably recount the times he’d helped Vernon and Chan when they were feeling awful, albeit from a distance with a mask on and a bag of medicine held as far from himself as possible to minimize the risk of getting sick himself). You’d promised him that you’d let him know when you were home safe and sound, because Seungkwan was a worrier when the people he cared about were struggling, and that had been enough for him to finally let you go.

When you came home, Seokmin had been looking through the fridge. “Seungkwan said you’re sick,” he called out without looking up. “I think I have a recipe--”

“Oh my god, it’s not that serious,” you said, slipping into your house slippers. “I might be getting a cold. I’ll make some tea and rest--it won’t be a big deal.”

Seokmin looked up. “Are you sure? I’ll make us soup tonight,” he turned his attention back to the fridge. “I might run to the store--”

You immediately began to sputter and cough again, something in your throat moving upward with each hack. Seokmin immediately rushed over to you, wide-eyed as he hit you between the shoulder blades as you leaned over the sink. Gasping for air, you continued to choke until something finally fell from your mouth: a wet glob of petals, bright yellow standing out against the stainless steel. You stood there, heaving as Seokmin wordlessly rubbed circles into your back as you caught your breath.

Fuck.

Hanahaki Disease. Of all the things your family was saddled with, this was the absolute fucking worst. While not purely related to genetics, there were the rare families that were more prone to the stupid disease. You’d never win the lottery, but you’d win this shit. Your mother had it once when she was a teenager, and so did her father, and her father’s grandmother because not every bitch in your family has been saddled with this shit. You’d hoped that you’d lucked out.

Considering you were sitting on an examination table and the plastic bag of those stupid yellow carnation petals you’d coughed up, clearly you had not. Seokmin had brought you to the doctor, insisting that you have someone out in the waiting room. And since you knew exactly who these feelings were linked to, you refused to bring Seungkwan or Vernon or Chan into this: two of them would spill shit because this was too big to keep secret.

“Surgery is an option,” the doctor said to you. In your pissed state, you almost wanted to snap back that you knew that because of your family history. But she hadn’t done anything to you, and you bit back any bitter comments as she continued to talk about how the procedure was entirely safe.

Your parents, luckily, had already agreed to pay for the procedure before you even brought it up. You’d called them after spitting up the flower, and your mother had said they’d pay for it to save your life. What you hadn’t told them was that you weren’t entirely sure about the procedure at the moment. You’d heard the horror stories both from family and people outside of it. Your mother had woken up and gone back to school a few days later, and she felt... nothing when she saw her former crush. He used to be her friend, and the surgery had been what led to their friendship ending. Your grandpa told you that he hadn’t regret itted in the slightest: the young man he’d been smitten for had moved on, he never saw him again, and he recovered well.

But you? Seungkwan was your friend. One of your close friends. How were you supposed to face him after surgery and feel nothing? At the worst, you might not even remember him since the recovery period differed for plenty of people. Your grandpa had told you that: his grandpa had told him when he was a boy that he forgot her face entirely, and that it was for the best. Better to live without remembering them than die gasping for another breath and choking up flowers. How were you supposed to tell Seungkwan that you couldn’t get close to him again? That this would be it between the two of you because if you stayed around him too much, you held the risk of it coming back?

You couldn’t. The idea of hurting Seungkwan was... hard to swallow. Or maybe that was also the petals you started coughing up again, your doctor quickly pushing a paper towel into your hands.

“Luckily we have medication that’ll help slow the process,” she told you, already jotting something down. “A surgeon will get in touch with you to help you figure out what comes next, alright? I’ll give you a call in a day once we get those x-rays back.”

You mumbled some sort of thanks before gathering your things. Seokmin rose once you re-entered the waiting room post-payment for your visit, and made his way over to you.

“I’m fine,” you said, continuing past him. “Gotta stop by the pharmacy.”

Seokmin’s gaze softened. “Well? What did she say?”

You waited until the two of you were outside. “I guess I’m getting surgery.”

“You guess?! You have to get it,” Seokmin said, “you’ll die if you don’t! You aren’t considering not--”

“I don’t know!” You hugged yourself tight. “I just--I don’t know. How am I supposed to tell Seungkwan I can’t see him anymore?”

Seokmin slowed to a stop, staring at you. “It’s Seungkwan?”

... Fuck, you weren’t supposed to say that. No one was supposed to know. But if you had to pick a person, Seokmin was trustworthy. He wouldn’t tell. Not until later, at least. And if you went through the procedure, you’d at least have someone who could keep him away, if not break the news for you...

Seokmin said your name, pity in his eyes. “You should tell him.”

“I can’t.”

Seokmin reached for your hands, gently curling his fingers around them. “You should,” he pushed further. “I’ll be there with you if you want me to be. But you should tell him. What are you going to do if you don’t? Just stop seeing him?”

Honestly, it didn’t seem like such a bad plan. A dick move, definitely, but cutting him out entirely and letting the news get to him secondhand? He’d never want to see you again after that heartbreak. It’d do the job.

“Don’t,” Seokmin said, knowing the look on your face. “We need to go to the pharmacy, right?”

You nodded, pulling your hands free from his. You started forward, only to feel the telltale feeling in your throat of flower petals again. With a tissue pushed into your hand from Seokmin, you coughed up a few petals before curling your fingers around them tight, hands shaking. Seokmin came back to your side, leaning forward to see that tears were brimming around your eyes.

Your name fell from his lips, and before you knew it, Seokmin had enveloped you in his warm embrace. “It’s okay,” he promised. “I’ll help you. You’re not in this alone.”

At least you had Seokmin. In the end, he’d be all you’d have, and you knew it. But you could manage with just Seokmin for right now.

“Seokmin said you went to the doctor.”

Seungkwan stood a little further from you, happily looking over the different flowers on display. True to your word, you’d come with him after promising that you were fine. The medication was working at temporarily slowing down the disease’s progression (thank you, modern medicine--you only choked up flowers every once in a while now), and you hadn’t felt anything. Maybe a little numbness in your chest, but nothing major. That was a normal side effect, apparently, to help with the whole flowers-growing-in-your-lungs thing. You side-eyed the stupid bouquet of yellow carnations, though.

Seungkwan called your name, and your attention snapped back to him. He’d come over, looking down at the flowers. “These are pretty.”

“You don’t want them,” you pushed past him. “If you’re going to pick carnations, you should pick the red ones. Or the pink ones, if you want.”

He’d stayed right where he was. “I don’t know,” he said. “These are pretty.”

“There’s better yellow flowers,” you said. “If she knows anything about flower language, you’d be telling her a big ole “nope, not interested.””

Seungkwan immediately turned away. “This is why I have you here,” he made his way back to you, already latching himself back onto your arm. “You’re the expert... What do you think? I want to give her something bright and pretty.”

You were far from an expert. You just... looked up flower meanings sometimes. Maybe it came from a morbid curiosity when your mother told you, after your badgering, what flowers she had (purple hyacinth--sorrow, a beg for forgiveness). You had looked up your own: of course loving Seungkwan would give you something pretty and bright like him. At least they were better than the red spider lilies (death) that your grandfather had coughed up.

“Are roses off the table?”

“Aren’t they too serious?” Seungkwan frowned at you. “This is our second date... I don’t want it to look like I’m moving too fast.”

“Then go for tulips,” you said, guiding him over to where a bouquet stood of pink tulips. “The pink ones would work.”

“Are you sure?”

If you didn’t know that Seungkwan was anxious, you would have rolled your eyes. He... really seemed to like this girl. There were legends that said if you could convince him to love you back, the flowers would go away on their own. But if doing that tore him away from someone else he already liked...

“Of course I’m sure,” you smiled at him. “She’ll love them.”

Seungkwan had smiled at you, squeezing your arm. “This is why you’re my best friend,” he said. “Besides Vernon.”

The disclaimer there made you smile. If he didn’t specify, you would have texted Vernon immediately. You turned your attention away from him for a moment, gaze caught on a bouquet of white lilies kept in a case. Seungkwan followed your gaze, his grasp on you easing up. He quietly excused himself to go speak to the florist, and you made up something about needing fresh air.

Standing outside the shop, you watched people trudge past. The paint on the bench was beginning to flake off, pieces of dark green and pale white petals coming off onto your fingers. You dragged your hand along the leg of your jeans, and pulled out your phone. You’d need to take your medicine in another few hours, before you went to bed. Once in the morning, once at night: the nightly dose kept you from waking up with petals in your throat (as well as knocked you out pretty well). It worked. It wouldn’t work forever, not when the disease became worse, but at least you had a little more time before you needed surgery. It gave you time to think about what really mattered now.

“Is something wrong?” Seungkwan had exited the store, bell still jingling as the door shut behind him. He held the bouquet in his arms securely, yet gentle enough to keep from crushing a single flower.

Tell him. You could practically hear Seokmin urging you to do so. “Seungkwan...” You felt your hope dwindle in your chest. Guilt. Don’t ruin this. Leave him with good memories of you. “What would you do if something happened to us?”

He frowned, settling into the spot next to you. “Did the doctor say something?”

“No! No, just...” You frowned. “Theoretically... if we couldn’t be friends anymore... Would you move on?”

Seungkwan watched you with careful eyes, mouth slightly agape as he struggled to answer the question. How would you answer that kind of thing? “You’re scaring me,” he said a moment later. “If something’s wrong--”

“Nothing’s wrong,” you insisted. “It’s just--I dunno, I watched a stupid movie the other day,” you lied, hoping he would buy it. “And I just kept wondering about what would happen if we couldn’t be friends anymore. It’s stupid.”

He let out a sigh of relief, back falling against the bench before he immediately smacked your arm. “You scared me! I thought you were dying!” He huffed, “You shouldn’t talk so seriously about a movie. Seriously...”

“You didn’t answer the question,” you pouted at him. “Would you move on?”

“No,” he said, “because you’re stuck with me forever.”

You rolled your eyes, fighting back a smile. “Uh-huh.”

“You love me,” he laughed, one of his arms slipping through your own. His cheek pressed against your shoulder. “Right?”

... Right.

Seokmin sat behind the wheel, fingers drumming against it as he slightly bobbed his head to the music. He still hadn’t told you where the two of you were going--only that you had to go with him because this was important. Important enough that he was driving to a different part of the city, listening carefully to each instruction from his phone’s map service. He told you that he’d explain when you got there (which was what he told you after he told you he’d explain in the car). Despite your slight demand that he take you out to dinner at a casual place in the area that Mingyu had been raving about, you trusted Seokmin enough to blindly follow him like this.

He pulled the car into a spot, quickly shooting a text to someone before he turned his attention to scrounging up the change to pay for parking. “Okay,” he said. “You said the surgeon called for an exam before setting the date.”

“Uh-huh?”

“And you told me that you were still on the fence about it.”

Stupidly, you had. Although, when you thought about it, it was good that you told someone. Your parents were completely set on it without giving you space to decide: Seokmin at least listened to you.

“I’m going to help you make up your mind,” he said. He pointed up to a higher apartment on the building. “My friends live there. I’ll introduce you when we get there.”

Once he’d paid the meter, Seokmin took your arm and guided you into the building. Soon enough, the two of you were standing in an elevator. You ignored the worried look Seokmin gave you when you coughed up petals into another tissue (this time your own--you’d stolen one of those pocket packs from Seokmin so he wouldn’t have to dote on you so heavily). The elevator whisked the two of you higher and higher before chiming, and Seokmin gestured for you to follow as he looked back at his phone. Wordlessly, you followed him down the hallway until he finally arrived at a door.

Before he could even knock, the door opened. A pretty man stood in the doorway, hair pulled back into the tiniest of ponytails as he warmly greeted Seokmin. Then his gaze met your own, and that warm smile fell a little.

“Is this them?”

Seokmin nodded. He said your name, before turning back to his friend, “this is Jeonghan. We were in a choir together in college.”

Jeonghan stepped out of the way. “I’ll let him know you’re here,” he said. “Just a warning that he doesn’t really remember too much, so... Please don’t stress him out too much.”

The two of you stood in the entryway as Jeonghan left, calling out for someone named Joshua. With a curious glance to Seokmin, you began to pull off your coat to leave behind as Jeonghan returned with another man--equally handsome in looks, with the gentlest eyes you thought you’d ever seen on a person.

“Hi,” he said, voice warm already, “so, uh... You’re the one with Hanahaki?” When you mustered up a nod, he extended a hand to you. “I’m Joshua.”

You introduced yourself in turn, giving Seokmin another weird look. “And... I’m here because...?”

“Hanahaki nearly killed me,” Joshua told you outright. “And Seokmin said you’re considering not getting the surgery. I’m supposed to tell you why it’s a really bad idea before you make up your mind.”

You immediately glared at Seokmin. “I thought you said you wouldn’t force me to change my mind--”

“And he’s not,” Joshua said, gently guiding you forward. “I wasn’t going to get them removed either. But things were... really, really bad. So I just want to tell you what you’re signing yourself up for.”

Jeonghan made a comment about making the two of you some tea, and you followed Joshua out onto the balcony for some privacy. He brushed a hand through his hair, settling into a cozy chair. There was an easel set up in the corner, empty of a canvas but stained with paint. Joshua followed your gaze to it.

“Do you paint?” He asked, and when you shook your head, he smiled. “I don’t, either. It’s Jeonghan’s.”

“And you two are...?”

“Friends,” he clarified easily. “Really close friends. Look... Seokmin told me a little about you. You’re in love with your friend, right?”

It felt weird for a stranger to say it out loud. But you settled into your chair, nodding. “Yeah. His name is Seungkwan,” you said quietly, “and I didn’t mean to fall for him, but I did, and now...”

The conversation died as Jeonghan stepped out, setting two mugs between the two of you. You thanked him, and waited until the balcony door slid shut again before reaching for your own mug.

“And now you’re coughing up petals,” Joshua said, taking his own mug. “I get it. I didn’t think it’d happen to me, either.”

“What happened?”

Joshua opened his mouth to speak, only to wince for a moment. “Shit--” He lifted a hand to his temple, rubbing at it before setting down the mug. You watched the way he went quiet, eyes squeezing shut. “I--I don’t know,” he said. “Jeonghan told me that there was a girl. I fell in love with her, she rejected me, and then I started coughing up flowers.”

You raised a brow. “He told you?”

The pain began to subside, and Joshua opened his eyes again after a moment before nodding. “He told you, right? I don’t remember all of it. Her name, her face... her favorite color.” He stared off for a moment. “Nothing. I’m apparently a rare case, but the doctors said it’s because I let it progress too far.”

“You didn’t see anyone?”

He shook his head. “I told Jeonghan I wasn’t going to. He’ll say I was being dramatic, and maybe I was, but... I didn’t want to lose her. I loved her,” his gaze didn’t meet yours again. “It wasn’t her fault she didn’t love me. Not all cases are fatal, I mean. Jeonghan says I had this stupid hope she’d change her mind because the guy she liked was a dick. My mom kept telling me that I needed to see someone. I think...”

He took a deep breath. And then he slowly exhaled, curling back up in his chair. The thick sweater he wore fell down over his hands, and those pretty pale brown curls were rustled by the cold breeze. But neither of you moved to go back inside.

“I think I was punishing myself. I don’t remember why, or how I came to that conclusion, but it makes sense. I was the one who fell in love with her when it wasn’t going to happen. I was the one who deserved to suffer for it.”

Something about the somber way he spoke shook you. Like he had resigned himself to death there, the heartbreak of a love so powerful not being returned had broken him. Maybe that was why you still weren’t sure about the surgery. It’d be admitting you were stupid enough to fall for someone who never liked you.

“So it got worse,” Joshua continued after a moment, lidded eyes staring down into his tea. “And worse. And then Jeonghan came home one day, and found me collapsed and gasping for air. He called the paramedics, they managed to clear my airway of the blood and flowers, and I was taken in for an emergency procedure to remove the flowers. If he hadn’t come home, I would have died...”

He didn’t need to say more. You understood the feeling well. If Seokmin hadn’t pushed you to see someone, you’d probably be in the same boat. A morbid part of you had to wonder if you’d be the same way: lying on the kitchen floor, cold tiles under your fingers as you gasped for one last breath of air.

“I’m a rare case,” he said, eyes meeting your own again. “Most people who get the procedure done before it progresses too much still retain all their memories. And I know there’s research still being done on whether Hanahaki always returns if you stay around the person, since a lot of people are reluctant to break ties when they’ve fallen in love with their friend. But if I could go back in time... I don’t think I would hesitate.”

“Have you met other people?” The question pushed out of you before you could process it.

He smiled at you warmly. “I’ve met you.” But then he laughed softly, “A few. No one I’ve liked yet, but I have hope. I started seeing a therapist once I was released from the hospital, and she’s helped me with everything. They say it’s really rare for Hanahaki to take hold twice in the same person--something about the antibodies created, I’m not sure.” He set his mug down. “But... I think Seokmin’s worried you’re trying to punish yourself, too. Just because you fell in love with your friend.”

You said nothing, arms curling back around yourself to hug yourself tight.

“It’s not a crime to fall in love with someone,” Joshua said slowly and clearly. “Just like how it’s not a crime he doesn’t love you back. I know you don’t want to cut him out of your life, but you need to do what’s best for you. You’ll love someone else one day. But if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t live to experience it.”

Not all cases are fatal, you wanted to point out to him again. It goes away in rare cases.

Rare. Just like the disease itself.

He began to reach into his pockets, pulling out his wallet. “The therapist I see is a grief counselor, but she apparently did some major studies in helping people like us recover after the surgery. If you tell me your room number, I’ll send you a bear.” He slid the card across the table to you. “I figured you’d be tired of flowers.”

The thought made you smile. Without a word, you accept the card, pushing it into your own wallet to consider later. “I didn’t say I’d go through with it.”

“I know. Send me your room number. I’ll give you my number when we’re back inside,” he pushed back his chair. “It’s freezing out here.”

You scooted your own chair back, about to stand when Joshua turned back to you.

“When you tell him,” Joshua said, “make sure you tell him that you still treasure him. Okay?”

You stared at him a moment, brows drawing together.

“Jeonghan didn’t get to do the same before his own procedure,” he said quieter. “She was his friend, too."

(It wasn’t until then that you noticed the top few buttons of Jeonghan’s shirt were open, and you could see the faint incision scar up the center of his chest.)

Seungkwan had invited you over to a movie night--just the two of you. With your medicine kicking in, you’d agreed. Saturday night movie nights were a longstanding tradition, sometimes including Vernon if he wasn’t busy (and occasionally Chan, ever since you unbanned him from them (he had bad taste in college)). But tonight would just be the two of you, and you’d had a long day at work, so something about curling up with Seungkwan and watching something stupid seemed more appealing. At least the petals weren’t a huge deal. You could hide them if need be, but they hadn’t been acting up too badly yet. Maybe you coughed them up a bit more, which wasn’t great when you had to answer phone calls at work, but people were usually understanding when you made a quick apology and went straight back into that mask of professionalism. You’d fully be off while you recovered from surgery, taking off a few personal days leading up to it as well, and hopefully be fine to return soon enough. But you kept tissues on your desk and had grown better at coughing up the petals and immediately tossing them away before anyone could see or be bothered by it. Even Seokmin rarely noticed when it was acting up again.

And yet the universe seemed to have the absolute worst fucking timing.

“You didn’t have to say yes,” Seungkwan said from the other end of the couch as he watched you shift uncomfortably, coughing into your elbow while searching for your pack of tissues. “If you aren’t feeling well, you should be resting. I don’t know why you’re even at work right now. Your doctor should have given you the written excuse to get your boss off your back.”

“She did, I just didn’t use it. I’ll take off next week.”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to the drama on the screen--something he’d been meaning to watch. “I have extra vitamins you can take with you. Remind me and I’ll give them to you before you leave.”

The female lead had begun coughing up flowers dramatically on the screen, and you felt a sense of bitterness at the sight of it. You had seen this one already. She’d die in the end, right before the male lead could confess that he fell for her instead. It was the dramatic tragedy of someone suffering for their love. Talking to Joshua had been enough to push that thought out of your mind: you’d get the procedure done to remove your own flowers. The harder part, and maybe the part people didn’t talk about often, was the way to cut someone out. You’d read articles both for people like you and for people trying to get out of toxic situations in general.

They said that you didn’t owe anyone an explanation. To do it publicly to keep yourself safe. That this was a process you had to go through, too, and that it was okay to dwell... except for the timer you had on your own situation, but you still had a little more time. Some lists even said to block them entirely once everything was over, just to keep them away for good. Other people said to have a real talk with someone, to explain the situation to them in order to ensure your health in the future. Everyone said it was the hardest thing to do to tell someone that you loved them and that them not reciprocating meant you were struggling worse all because of stupid flowers in your lungs, but to make it clear that it wasn’t their fault (although you’d seen people bitter and angry on both sides, some claiming it was guilt-tripping, others claiming that it technically was their fault). There was a mature way to say “I love you, I know you don’t love me back, so we need to end this so that I can live” according to plenty of people. Some people said the distance helped once the conversation was over.

But every time you looked at Seungkwan, you felt an ache in your heart and a deeper one in your lungs.

“Does this ever bother you?” He said, not looking up. He picked up another piece of popcorn. “Seeing it treated like this?”

“It’s dramatic,” you shrugged. “People use illness all the time for stuff.”

“Still...” He sighed. “I can’t imagine what it feels like to be physically hurting like this. Heartbreak is hard enough. But coughing up flowers? Isn’t that worse?”

“It is,” you hummed. “That’s what my family said, at least.”

He sighed. “If this ever happens to you, I’m taking care of you until you recover. I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Kwannie.”

He looked at you, offended. “I would be a great nurse! You know that,” he huffed.

You wanted to respond and say he couldn’t keep that kind of promise to you. But instead you turned over, watching the secondary male lead in a scene with his own love interest and the actual male lead eavesdropping. “What would your girlfriend think, hm?” You settled on teasing him, if nothing else but to shove your own feelings aside. “Taking care of someone else...”

“She knows I love my friends,” he said. And then you felt him smack your leg. “She’s not my girlfriend yet!”

“Yet.”

He looked sheepish at his slip of the tongue. “It feels a little too soon,” he said, turning back away from you. “I’ve known her for a while, but...”

“If you love her, you shouldn’t hesitate.” You curled up into yourself a little. “Life is short. What if something happens? You shouldn’t wait forever to tell someone how much they mean to you.”

“I know that,” he said, casual as could be. “That’s why I tell you all how much I love you.”

You cracked a small smile, almost telling him that he only did that because he was a big softie who loved all his friends (and liked being told in return that he was loved, too). Seungkwan was always the most physically touchy of your friend circle: that was why he was either hanging off of you or Vernon most of the time, more than content to be snuggled up to your arm or hugging you from behind during casual moments. It’s something that’s made both of you be mistaken for Seungkwan’s partner, sure, but you were always able to laugh it off both before and after you developed feelings for him.

(There was one instance of the two of you playing up the dramatics when someone tried to tell you that your boyfriend was cheating on you with the other person. Vernon had mouthed for you to slap him, and you’d stormed off only to meet back up in the car with a incredibly flustered Seungkwan who swore he couldn’t take the two of you anywhere anymore.)

“Yeah,” you said, half-heartedly as realization hit you again that these moments were fleeting. Soon you wouldn’t be able to see him anymore, not for prolonged moments. You couldn’t risk the flowers coming back once they were gone. “Love you, too, Seungkwan.”

Maybe one day you’d tell him just how much before you lost the feeling entirely.

You’d set the date. You’d gone in for the visit your surgeon had requested, which was primarily for them to take a new x-ray to check the progress. In another world, you’d be looking at the flowers on that results sheet and thinking that it was a pretty art project. But the reality of the situation was that the disease had progressed, and you’d be going in on Friday to have them surgically removed. Your parents had already come into the city with a hotel room booked for the week (the downside of your apartment with Seokmin being so small: you sure as hell weren’t going to boot him from his own room despite his offer, and your parents would rather stay somewhere closer to the hospital). You’d had dinner with them yesterday night after your appointment, talking through everything with them. Although your father would never know the feelings your mother described to you, he had been supportive as he could be while she talked you through the procedure for the third time since that first phone call.

Which was why you were now, on Wednesday, waiting for Seungkwan... and Vernon and Chan. Seokmin was sitting next to you, happy to play moral support as you broke the news. You’d figured everything out: you’d tell them about the procedure, and then ask for a day with Seungkwan tomorrow in order to experience something nice before you were stuck in the hospital for your recovery period. Except for the past where you broke the news that you could never see him again, that you loved him, and that you treasured your friendship and would never hold it against him that he didn’t reciprocate. Maybe Vernon and Chan would never speak to you again, too, but that was a fallout for later you.

Except you could see Vernon and Chan walking up to the restaurant without Seungkwan, and you knew for a fact that they would have come together.

“Seungkwan couldn’t make it,” Chan had said as he took his seat. “Didn’t he text you?”

(He did: his sister was in the city for the day and he rarely got to see her, so he apologized and said he’d talk to you tomorrow. You just hadn’t heard your phone go off, or you would have left with Seokmin far earlier and figured out something else.)

Seokmin could see the panic on your face. He said your name, hand grazing your arm as you pushed it away.

“I’m fine,” he said.

He lowered his voice, albeit it was useless considering how close the other two were, “You’re supposed to be taking it easy now. Panicking only makes it worse--”

“Makes what worse?” Chan asked, looking between the two of you. “Wait. Are you dying?”

“No--” You said, and at the worst fucking possible moment, you began to cough. “Shit.”

Seokmin reached for the napkins as you shielded yourself as best as you could, flower petals falling in a thick clump into the white napkin. The petals, while on your medication, were rare. Not gone entirely, and of course they’d pick this moment to act up.

Vernon stared at you, hand groping through the air until it hit Chan’s arm. “Dude.”

You could practically see two bulbs light up above each guy’s head. “Don’t tell Seungkwan.”

“What the fuck do you mean ‘don’t tell Seungkwan’?!” To your surprise, Vernon had raised his voice a little. He immediately lowered it after nodding in apology to the other patrons, “you have Hanahaki! You could die if--”

“My surgery’s on Friday,” you said, “so technically I won’t die.”

“That’s beside the point!” Chan stared at you. “You’re--Why didn’t you tell us sooner?! How long have you known?!”

You said nothing. Seokmin only looked at you.

“A few weeks,” you finally confessed. “But I’m fine and I’m getting them removed, so I’ll be fine. Just... I wanted to tell Seungkwan myself.” I needed to tell him I love him before I don’t remember feeling it anymore.

Vernon knew you, though. Chan might be a little oblivious at times, but Vernon had observed you and Seungkwan enough to know. He tore his eyes away from your own, and you could hear him mumble something about how this was awful timing. The thought made your chest ache.

This was awful timing? For who? For Seungkwan? Sure, you were pretty much dying right now and having to make sure you didn’t choke to death on flowers in your sleep--But, fuck, this was inconvenient timing for Seungkwan apparently. If you had it your way, you wouldn’t have ever developed feelings for him. But Seungkwan was sweet. He was your close friend. He was the one who came over and nursed you back to health a year ago when you had the flu, even if he scolded you for not taking better care of your health.

He’d probably scold you now, too. Seungkwan would have told you off for not telling him sooner, and then he would probably have let you cry in his arms because of how terrified you were underneath everything. The procedure itself was safe: the aftermath could be anything. Meeting Joshua had confirmed that for you. What if you were like him one day? Still living with your roommate, unable to remember the reason behind the scars on your sides (or down the center of your chest--you shivered to imagine what that would mean for you, and you refused to bring that topic up to Jeonghan who clearly would rather not talk about it) without pain? You’d looked it up before: the pain was a psychological thing... or, at least, that was the leading theory. Joshua was rare, people were still researching it in full, but they said it was in the same vein as people who lived through trauma only to not remember a thing because they blocked it all out. A safety measure out of your own control.

(Sometimes you wonder whether Joshua even wanted to remember.)

Hanahaki tore people apart. The fact that you were more prone to it only made you angrier at the world, at the stupid flowers stuck in your lungs. At yourself for being so foolish to fall for Boo Seungkwan when he was only ever going to be your friend.

Vernon’s gaze softened as he watched you, so quiet and acting so much smaller. Like a child, almost: uncertain of what would come next, but with only so much guidance that you could fully understand. The swelling, the stiffness, the different feelings around your incisions. But what about what really came next? The empty feeling when you saw Seungkwan again unless you pulled yourself together to tell him that he couldn’t see you again. Not for long, not without risking yourself. He’d heard the stories and was lucky enough that his own instances of unrequited love were met with plenty of chocolate and nights with his friends, watching movies and giving him a space to feel and breathe and think.

“So what do you want us to do?”

You lifted your gaze from where you’d begun staring down into your lap, meeting Vernon’s eyes. “I...”

“We’re not gonna tell him,” he promised, despite the look Chan gave him. “I mean, that’s your thing, right? It’s your thing to tell, unless you want us to tell.”

You shook your head. “I’ll meet up with him tomorrow,” you said. “And I’ll tell him everything.”

Chan looked between the two of you, realization slowly swallowing him whole. “We’ll come visit,” he said quietly. “Is that okay?”

“It’s not a huge deal,” you shrugged. “I mean. It’s surgery, but they’ll probably keep me in for a few days of observation before I can go home. Just... Don’t send me flowers.”

It’s a weak joke, but it earned a smile from Chan. With that, you decided to shove the conversation aside for a meal with your friends instead. It felt comforting to pretend that everything was okay, as much as you wished Seungkwan was there with you. It’d be nice to hold his hand under the table for a minute, just to know that he cared about you still. That, even after you walk out of his life for good, he’d still care for you in the future.

It wasn’t until you were back in the passenger side of Seokmin’s car that you called Joshua and asked if he was busy. That night, the two of you were sitting in the Hong-Yoon apartment so you could have a cozy night. As much as you wanted to go out for dinner with your parents, you needed to stay away from surgery talk (and, unfortunately for you, that was how your mother calmed herself down: going over the procedure out loud to try and reassure both of you that everything was going to be fine). Joshua had an arm draped around your shoulders, blanketing you in his warmth as the four of you were watching some drama they’d found on Netflix.

Seokmin left to use the bathroom, and Jeonghan shifted over so that he’d be resting against Joshua’s other side. A moment later, he lifted his head, eyes meeting your own. “It’s going to be okay,” he reached out, hand finding your own for a reassuring squeeze. “I recovered well. You’ll be okay.”

Wordlessly, you snuggled further into Joshua’s chest now that you didn’t have Seokmin anchoring you from the other side, still holding Jeonghan’s hand for a moment longer. You shut your eyes for a moment, just listening to the sound of Joshua’s heartbeat. “Which one of you was first?”

Quiet. The sound of the movie felt so distant, a mere mumble of background noise as Jeonghan let out a long sigh.

“He was,” Jeonghan said. “I thought I’d be okay. Then we had to call our friend, Seungcheol, to help us.”

Joshua wrapped an arm around you. “Do you want me to be honest?”

You nodded.

“They still hurt sometimes,” he said. “The incisions. I can barely see them, but they’re still there.”

Suddenly, your stomach turned at the thought. You squeezed your eyes shut a little more. “I’m sorry--I know I brought it up, but can we drop this?”

Neither said anything. You merely curled up closer to the two people who’d been strangers until days ago, yet already felt so safe to be around. They felt like an escape from what you knew would come tomorrow. Even when Seokmin returned, curling up close to this bundle of limbs and shared trauma, you only felt safer.

Seungkwan had asked her to be his girlfriend. You only found out because he’d blasted it on every social media platform he was on, only tagged with the caption ‘day one ❤��‘ alongside a picture of the two of them silhouetted with the sunset in the background. Any other life and it’d be sweet. In this one, you merely felt bitter as you finally sent the text you’d been sitting on all day.

it’s really important. can we meet at the usual spot?

The moment he gave you his confirmation, you left your apartment. The park wasn’t too far from where you lived, although you’d always prefer to take the bus to it instead. With your coat pulled over your hoodie, you made the trek by foot instead. This used to be your picnic spot with Seungkwan, although you could easily see him going on dates there instead. As much as you wanted to be happy for him, the stupid ache in your lungs and the tickle of petals that eternally seemed to be plaguing you (at least it would be until you took your last dose of medicine before surgery--a smaller one than what you usually took to avoid complications, but enough that you’d be able to sleep easily) served as a cruel reminder of what would never be. That this would be the end.

Yet you saw him sitting on that stupid bench the two of you always met at, the glow of a streetlamp bathing him in light and making him look stupidly radiant. Or maybe that was what love could do to a person. The moment he saw you, he stood up, coming to hug you tight.

“Vernon said you’re having surgery tomorrow,” he said once he stepped back, hands holding your own. “Is it true?”

... At this point, you couldn’t be surprised Vernon would at least let that slip. Maybe he’d been debating coming to see you, and Vernon told him outright how important it was.

His fingers tangled with your own as he brought you to the bench, sitting down next to you. “Is it serious?” He paused, and then vaguely gestured toward his mouth and throat, “is it... you know?”

Seungkwan knew of your family history. You’d lamented it to him forever ago, saying that you hoped you’d be lucky enough to be spared by it. When you nodded, his gaze softened tremendously.

“Do they know?”

You don’t, you almost wanted to say. It’s you. I’m sorry. “I don’t know if I want to tell him.”

“Do I know them?”

You shook your head, unable to verbally lie to him.

He stared ahead, visibly upset. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t notice it sooner. I’ve just...”

He’d been falling for someone else more and more with each day. Deep down, you couldn’t blame him for that. If you didn’t know someone was going through it, you’d probably be blissfully doing the same.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you,” he said a moment later. “Are you scared?”

“Terrified.” You tucked your hands into your hoodie pockets, leg bouncing. “I don’t know how I’m going to react.”

Seungkwan was good at faking smiles when things were rough, just to try and instill some confidence into someone who needed it. “You’ll pull through,” he squeezed your knee gently, and he left his hand there. “You’re strong. And... and when you get out, we’ll go out. Just the two of us. I’ll pay for our meal, and you can pick, and... and it’ll be thanks for helping me while you were struggling.”

Something about how genuine he sounded squeezed your heart tight, almost as if it’d pop with just a little more pressure. You looked up, “Seungkwan, I...”

I love you. I know you don’t love me back, and it’s okay. I’m sorry our friendship has to end like this.

And then he smiled at you, a little more genuine than before, just to reassure you. “It’ll be okay,” he said again, clueless to the storm inside of you.

Your words died in your throat. Instead, you just bit back your tears as you dove forward, hugging him tight. “I love you,” you said, a confession you couldn’t make directly to his face. “Thank you for being a good friend.”

His arms wound around you after a moment, squeezing you tight. “You’re not going to die, you know,” he said, laughing just a little. “It’s a safe procedure. I’ll see you when you wake up. Okay?”

Drifting back from him, you lied again, “Yeah. I’ll... I’ll see you then.”

With one truth spilling from your lips about going home and getting proper rest, the two of you parted ways. Despite the fact it only served to make your lungs ache worse, you jogged the way home. The sooner you were inside, the better. With the door shut and secured behind you, you let out a long sigh and then a groan of frustration at backing out yet again. You’d been pulling your jacket off when you heard Seokmin call out your name.

“Did you tell him?”

You sniffled hard, already feeling those tears welling back up. He opened his arms to you, and you almost tripped over yourself rushing to him as you broke down crying.

“I-I couldn’t,” you said between sobs.

And Seokmin could do nothing else but hold you tight, head resting against your own as he sheltered you through your storm.

Everything felt fuzzy.

The anesthesia hadn’t fully worn off by the time you were a little more awake. You’d answered their questions as best as you could while your head still felt full of clouds, but the procedure had been a success. The flowers were gone to good, likely going to get tossed out with the other waste and burned. Your mother recognized how completely out of it you still were, but you could see the relief on her face that you were okay. It took the sound of your dad gently coaxing her for her to agree to come back when you were far more lucid and well-rested.

At some point, Seokmin came in to see you. You barely remembered the encounter, but you stared at the teddy bear that sat nearby with a card being held between its plush paws (thanks to Seokmin’s efforts). It wasn’t from him, you’d later discover, but from Joshua and Jeonghan wishing you well (and making promises to see you again once you were discharged, maybe while you were recovering if they could make it during visiting hours).

Three days into your stay, you were fully aware and alert... and also recognizing the annoying tinge of pain that came from your incisions every single time you moved or even breathed. You could breathe clearer now, sure, but the ache was annoying nonetheless. Your doctor had been kind to you, understanding how tiring it could be to recover from the procedure. Your nurse, a tall kind man named Wonwoo, had taken your vitals. So when you heard a knock on your door, you were sure it was either whatever breakfast you were getting (you barely remembered your own order now), or your parents.

And after you called out for whoever it was to come in, you were met with Vernon’s face. He stopped where he stood, staring at you for a moment before apologizing and saying he wasn’t sure what to do. Chan was with him, too, hugging a big teddy bear that was clutching a ‘get well soon’ heart.

“You said not to send you flowers,” Chan said as he made his way over to you, and you accepted the stuffed animal with a thanks. “It was my idea.”

“Our idea,” Vernon rolled his eyes. Then he stopped, looking at the open door. “You wanted to see them. They’re awake.”

The guy that Vernon had been talking to walked into the room, pushing the door shut with an apology for hesitating. He started rambling about how he didn’t know whether you’d want so many people crowding you at once, sitting down at the edge of your bed as he started asking how you were doing. Were the flowers gone? Was the staff taking care of you? If you needed someone to speak on your behalf while your parents were gone, he would happily do it for you.

Vernon noticed the confused look on your face as this guy--friendly as he might be--kept talking to you. You’d answered his questions, sure, but you could see the way this stranger’s heart was visibly breaking in his eyes. His smile fell, and Vernon nudged him out of the way so that he could sit and talk to you for a few minutes.

“Is there anything we can do for you? I mean, we were gonna pool together for one of those edible arrangements, but I wasn’t sure if your doctor was gonna restrict any of it...”

Chan had apologized, saying he needed a cup of coffee--it was too early for him--and he left with the other guy.

Vernon pushed himself back into your field of vision, and you felt yourself flounder a little for words. “No restrictions,” you said, brain still catching up as you had questions. “Sorry, Vernon, do I know him--”

He shook his head. “Nope. Just, uh... Rest up,” he patted your thigh. “I’ll see you when you get out, yeah?”

When he stepped back into the hallway, it was to the sound of Seungkwan sobbing. Chan had already gone to him, holding him and waving off any concerned staff that had probably seen this kind of thing before.

One of his best friends didn’t recognize him at all. He knew that that meant when it came to Hanahaki.

Chan had patted his back gently. “It’s not your fault you moved on,” he said quietly. “You didn’t know. None of us knew they liked you back--”

Vernon could feel his heart sink in his chest as he made his way over. His own future with you (as well as Chan’s) was in the air--both knowing the weight of keeping you in their lives could lead to future pain for both you and Seungkwan. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I told you--”

But Seungkwan shook his head, the weight of his own decisions beginning to suffocate him. “You were right,” he started to walk away, his heart breaking all over again. “I shouldn’t have come.”

taglist: @twancingyunhao @synthetickitsune @wonuziex

#wooahaes.fic #seventeen imagine #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #svt x reader #svt imagine #svt x you #seventeen angst #seungkwan angst #seungkwan x reader #seungkwan x you #boo seungkwan x reader #boo seungkwan x you

226 notes · View notes

alicentsgf · 1 year

Text

ok so fans who hate alicent LOVE to say shit like "book alicent was beefing with a child lol" totally unironically. and it just confuses me. like Bro... all f&b tells us is she Stopped Being Nice to rhaenyra after aegon was born (when viserys showed no sign of naming him heir). because, reportedly, she was originally kind to rhaenyra. apparently kind enough for at least one or two people to note a sudden change in demeanor.

and like im sorry. is it that crazy that when alicent began to understand rhaenyra and her own son were going to be pitted against each other in the future she chose aegon and distanced herself from rhaenyra? she wasnt "beefing with a child" like i feel thats so clearly just a little joke someone made thats been taken at face value and regurgitated. because its not true. or at least f&b gives us no indication of it - we're never told about her acting maliciously toward a young rhaenyra. in fact i dont think we're given much indication they really interacted at all. and anyway, wouldnt it have been worse for her to continue to keep rhaenyra close ? so she could try and manipulate her?? people make book alicent into this great seductress and manipulator and theres basically no textual evidence to support it. if anything i feel like alicent distancing herself shows she very possibly DID genuinely care about rhaenyra once, perhaps enough to worry her attachment might undermine her cause to prioritise aegon in some way. and this is only further supported by rhaenyra's decision to spare alicents life later when the rest of the greens became dragon snacks.

then theres the fact book alicent was the one who asked viserys to betroth aegon to rhaenyra. why would she do that? a woman from a house with such close ties to the faith no less. she asked when aegon was 6 and she must have known by that point viserys was likely never going to name aegon heir - imo she was exhausting options to try and protect her children. no matter what choices aegon made he had every chance of becoming a symbol others would use, forcing rhaenyra to make an example of him to maintain control. marrying them to each other would do a lot to avoid that eventuality. it was both a smart political match and what Targaryen tradition demanded. viserys was convinced alicent was only acting out of ambition which is why he rebuffed her, but we're repeatedly shown viserys is kind of an idiot. especially politically.

theres this Obsession with the idea alicents characterisation was changed so dramatically for the show. 'i wish they'd made her like book alicent' they did...? they made her a victim who is scared and anxious and bitter. theres nothing to suggest that wasnt who book alicent was. everything we know of her is filtered through layers of bias - her story told by men who dont give a shit what she felt or desired. and what? you dont like it because you wanted her to be some one dimensional villian? because doubling down of f&bs oft misogynistic, cardboard cutout representation of her would have been So great. like please, i get that so much of f&b can be interpreted a whole bunch of ways but 'alicent the evil step mother' is the most basic, boring interpretation. it shows no depth of thought at all. theres at least a few clues in there as to who she Actually might have been, if you bother to look.

its just insane to me honestly. you read that book and thought she was pure evil? this woman who doted on her daughter and grandchildren so completely that her grandson's murderers knew to find them in her rooms. this woman who spent her last moments embracing death, pining for her dead children and speaking fondly of the old man she used read to as a girl. its really not that hard to percieve book alicent as a trapped and embittered woman desperately scared for the lives of her children. seriously. where is the critical thought? the empathy?? im so tired.

#ur daily pro alicent rant here you go #eat up babes #alicent apologist til death #yes even book alicent #hotd #hotd fandom critical #pro alicent hightower #pro book alicent #this is basically just the conclusion of my book alicent breakdown but Mean #f&b #fire and blood #this is very rushed i feel like im gonna regret posting

250 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

akaichoo

★彡

nangullasmu

Art of Anayanci Nangullasmú

diannaphantomfiction

Welcome to AU Hell

here4funalso

Untitled

fromjlootoyou

from j.loo to you