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normal-thoughts-official · 5 years

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Umm teenage malec au where Magnus is a chem-genius and Alec is a secret superhero in need of a Chem-genius...

i smell shenanigans???? mayhaps a secret identity drama??????? mutual pining???? do i hear the sounds of cliché drama 2nite?

really tho. call me cliché and uninspired but. Alec knows Magnus from uni. Magnus is still majoring in chemistry but hes clearly so talented and smart he already has made some incredible discoveries and is working and studying in like doctorate level classes. he's a genius, and he's creative, and he wants to use his knowledge to create good and accessible stuff. hes also beautiful and fine maybe Alec has a crush on him.

"sue me" - Alec, probably

but hes never really had,,,, the Opportunity to talk to him? theyve done a few group projects together and they got along fine but Magnus is always busy with his research and his thousands of groups and studies you know

anyway Alec is like.... an unwilling superhero because his sister is fucking crazy but also he loves her and ain't gonna let her deal with criminals™ alone so now he's her sidekick. his superhero persona is even grumpier than his usual persona and that is definitely saying something

anyway, they need magnus' help with some shit, i dont know, identifying some supervillain who leaves these weird substances behind? dude i dont know

so naturally Alec is like "well we could get magnus' help... you know.... hes smart...... and right there...... and hes nice hed probably help us" and izzy is like "yes Alec you should totally ask him out" and Alec is like "shut up"

so he goes to magnus as his superhero persona and asks him for help? and of course it isnt as simple as it looks so they need to come to magnus for help A Lot and him (as his superhero persona) and Magnus become pretty good friends and ah yes fuck this crush is starting to grow

magnus becomes kind of an honorary member of their little team after that and helps them with most cases. theres always something he can help them with. even when its not chemistry-related, hes smart and good at profiling and reading people. and he helps Alec relax. you know. and that makes it easier for everyone. right? yea

but look, look. he needs to keep his distance. its dangerous enough as it is and if magnus gets too involved that's gonna put him in danger. the last thing he wanted was to get another person he loved liked knew in danger. and if Magnus knew about their secret identities that would compromise izzy and he cant do that. not even their little brother Max knows!! so like, distance. totally

except he sucks, of course, and finds himself talking to Magnus for hours on end instead of actually doing his thing more often than not. and he totally falls in love. like completely. fuck

and on magnus' end........ well, hes hurt, because hes falling for this grumpy little weirdo whos so attached to rules and yet is willing to throw them out of the window to protect his little sister, who is genuinely interest in magnus' babble that only the other chem guys listen to (but are too busy trying to prove theyre better than him to actually have a nice, interesting conversation), who cares for his interest, cares for him. asks how hes doing and demands that he sleeps well and listens to his complaints. you know. he likes the both of them a lot, and for the first times he feels not only like he belongs, but like he's allowed to be. not to mention wanted and cared for.

but they dont trust him. which, look - its stupid. they dont owe him anything! and they are friends. they do tell him stuff that matters. he knows everything about their lifes but their names and the names of the people in their lives. and they have a lot at stake! and Magnus is an eccentric weirdo anyway. its good enough that theyre friends! really!

but hes pining, because theres this guy whom Magnus doesnt even know the appearance of, and who likes him, but doesnt trust him. he knows if it were up to the sister theyd have told him by now and it hurts that he doesnt trust him.

but it makes sense, too, again, Magnus shouldn't be demanding him that. but fuck hes fallen in love with him and he doesnt even trust magnus in return

it just hurts

and theres lots and lots of mutual pining and issues and Magnus not voicing his concerns because its fine!!! and he has no right to be upset!! and hes being stupid anyway and theyre right not to tell him

and he closes off in that way he does - by always being extra smooth and casual and using that as armor. and Alec is hurt, too, because he knows Magnus is closing off, but who the fuck is him to ask? Magnus just thinks their whole superhero thing is interesting. and he cant really demand anything out of Magnus when he cant be open with Magnus, either, and anyway he deserves better than this mess

anyway theres lots of drama for a while until eventually of course the dam breaks somehow. idk, i like to think Alec decided to tell him rather than him finding out on accident, but i dont know what exactly would lead him to do that. maybe he just gets tired of it and snaps. maybe he just shows up at Magnus' in civilian clothes like "hello it is me". maybe he just gets tired one night and it's like. hes already tired of lying and hiding and Magnus is already in too deep anyway, and hes thinking it over, he is, hes gonna tell him... and then something happens that would mean it would be slightly inconveniencing for him to turn around so as to not reveal his identity (like, idk, he needs to look at something but he cant see right with the mask lol) and hes like "fuck it [removes mask] my names Alec btw" and Magnus is like "woah ur the hot guy from that group project????"

anyway because im really slowburning today that doesn't mean they tell each other how they feel, of course. Magnus is still convinced Alec isnt into him (hes just told Magnus who he is! really, this is more than enough) and Alec is still an idiot. but it does have the upside of them getting to talk during the day and stuff! which is great, except awful because now they can Pine at any time of the day

anyway i dont even know how this gets solved tbh irhejdndkd its already too long, i dont wanna go the "Magnus is kidnapped and Alec realizes life is short" route because this is cliché enough but. uhh i dont know Magnus gets some prize on his research on uuuhhhhh clean energy? fuck if i know. and Alec attends and hes just so proud of him and so happy for him he kind of does the whole "i love you" thing and Magnus is like "you do??" and Alec is like "Magnus. Of course" and they kiss the end

#ask #pastaownsmylife #long post #malec #malec au #malec ficlet #someone should write this cuz it wont be me #malec prompt #a long one but eh #sh #magnus bane #alec lightwood

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simsstuffmarie · 7 years

Text

TAG / 100 QUESTIONS NOBODY ASKED

I was tagged by the beautiful @yesdarlingsims. Thanks bean

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? I have no choice as its a built in wardrobe, and when the carpet men fitted the carpet they did it so the doors cant close!!

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? Not usually, because they are awful on my hair

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? Definitely out!!!

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? Does a traffic cone count....I wore it on my head like a hat

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? Only when I’m studying

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? We don’t really have them in the UK

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? The bear only wants a cuddle

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? Only when the sun comes out....over my nose

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? Not a big toothy smile...I generally smirk

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? People with no manners

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? I wear a step counter at work to see how much I’ve done

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? Yep!

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? Not that I remember

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING? Yeah....when I get a song stuck in my head

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? I don’t chew them, but I suck the end

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK? I’m female....its not the right week for such activites lol

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? Double

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? Despacito....it keeps getting stuck in my head because its always on the radio

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? Yeah....if it suits them

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? American Dad and Family Guy....do they count?!

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? I don’t really know tbh

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? That’s for me to know and you to never find out

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? Any liquid

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? Mayonnaise!!

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? Macaroni cheese

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? Green Mile...I cry every time

27. LAST PERSON, YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? William, my one and only

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT I was in the rainbows

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? Nobody wants to see my body

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? Nearly every week at work

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? No, but I can change tyres

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? I don’t think you can get them by walking

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? Nope

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? A ham and cheese salad in garlic and herb pitta bread

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? A full english breakfast

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? When I’m tired

37. ARE YOU LAZY? Depends what I’ve been doing all week

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? Either a cat or a ghost

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? I think I’m an Ox

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? English and a tiny bit of Spanish

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? Nah

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? Lego....I have no clue what Lincoln Logs are!!

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? Definitely

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? Haven’t watched either of them....

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? I used to watch Eastenders religiously, but I don’t any more

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? Totally! I cried on the London Eye

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? That’s a must

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? When nobody is in

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? Yep, because I don’t drive so I’m the annoying passenger

50. EVER USED A GUN? I used an air rifle when I was little

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? When I did this “modelling” thing

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? Totally, but they are so good to watch

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? Only if you’re not organised

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? What is that?

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? Cherry Pie

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? ballerina, vet, doctor, air hostess, night club owner, architect

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? Yep, a lot

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? Quite often

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? I go out daily so I get vitamin D from that

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? Yep, because I’m cool!!!

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE? Nope, they annoy me

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? Depends on the weather

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? It was supposed to be a band called 5ive (Five) but they bailed and ended up being a band called Damage

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? We have none of them

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? I have 2 pairs of Adidas Superstars

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? Cheetos!!!

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? Peanuts will kill me and sunflower seeds are for planting...

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? Who?!

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? Nope

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? He wants to be an online games streamer

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? Nope....I cant even roll my R’s

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? We don’t have them in England

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? Yeah....when my best friends got married (they are twins and got married a year apart)

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? Yeah....they are hiding somewhere

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? Yeah

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? Not regularly.

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yeah....3rd time lucky

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? Coldplay

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? I went to V Festival, so saw loads of different people

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? Either

81. TEA OR COFFEE? Either

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? Cookies

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? Not overly well....I nearly drowned when I was younger so its kinda put me off

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? Yeah

85. ARE YOU PATIENT? Not if someone is being a knob cheese

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? Both

87. EVER WON A CONTEST? Nope :’(

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? No....but I’m not apposed to it 89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? Neither....they are like salty balls

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? I’ve tried both and can’t do neither. I can cross-stitch

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? The front room

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? Yeah....I’m always making plans in my head

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? I’m not married yet

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH? Oh I changed them every month hahaha

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? No....I just do it anyway

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Not yet

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS? Defo

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? Oranges, yellows, reds

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? William, and my friends....haven’t seen them in ages because of uni/work

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT? I don’t know who has done this yet but @edgypandasimmer @haleingsimblr @alwaysimming @coliemoon4sims4

#100 questions #non-sims

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andystanberg · 7 years

Text

~ still not gay ~

Word Count: 2 800

Genre: chat fic, coming out, coming to terms with sexuality, humour

Pairing(s): phan, tiny mention of kickthestickz

Warnings: swearing, so many spelling/grammar mistakes (all on purpose as it’s a chat fic), mentioned homophobia, sexual humour (not a lot)

Summary:

crabstickzzz has added PJ to the chat. PJ: what? dannyboy: chris and co. think im gay

A/N Shout out to the (formerly) ~ still not gay ~ chat, thanks for not believing I was straight. (Loosely based off my own unconventional coming out.)

AUGUST 12TH

dan is gay

crabstickzzz has added PJ to the chat.

PJ: what?

dannyboy: chris and co. think im gay

PJ: you are.

crabstickzzz: SUCK IT HOWELL

LouiseP: Chris, Dan clearly isn’t ready for blowjobs yet.

dannyboy: IM NOT GAY

PJ: sure.

crabstickzzz: wat about ur crush on phil

AmazingPhil: His what now

dannyboy: i dont have a crush on phil

PJ: sure.

dannyboy: im straight guys cmon

PJ has changed the chat name to dan is in denial and gay.

dannyboy: oh for fucks sake

dannyboy: seriously guys im 100% sure im straight

PJ: sure.

AUGUST 15TH

dan is in denial and gay

AmazingPhil: Why is the name always about Dan

LouiseP: This group chat is dedicated to whether or not Dan is gay. And memes.

crabstickzzz: thats all we talk about so theres no point in creating another

PJ: i’ve been in this group chat for two days and it’s true.

dannyboy: why does it matter what i am

crabstickzzz: bc u wont admit ur gay! we r teaching u to love and accept urself 4 who u r!!!

dannyboy: bullshit

AmazingPhil: Maybe we should lay off Dan a bit

dannyboy: thank you filip

AmazingPhil: Never mind please continue

dannyboy changed the chat name to i hate you all

Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil.

AmazingPhil: You’re not mad, are you?

dannyboy: no

AmazingPhil: Sure?

dannyboy: its fine. theyre joking and having fun. i just dont get why they care so much about my sexuality though

AmazingPhil: Maybe Crabstickzzz and PJ have a crush on you and Louise is trying to wingman both???

dannyboy: yeah right. can you imagine?

AmazingPhil: You never know

dannyboy: for starters, nobody has, or ever had, or ever will have a crush on me, and secondly, crabstickzzz and pj are dating

AmazingPhil: WHAT? WHEN? HOW?

dannyboy: well i dont know for sure but cmon

AmazingPhil: Oh good. I thought I had missed their big reveal

AmazingPhil: Also don’t be so sure about the crush thing

dannyboy: what? who has a crush on me?!

dannyboy: PHIL LESTER ANSWER ME

NOVEMBER 20TH

i hate you all

dannyboy: GUYS OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THE PIC ZAC EFRON JUST POSTED

LouiseP: Who’s Zack?

PJ: oh boy.

dannyboy: HOW DARE YOU! ZAC**** IS THE ACTOR OF TROY BOLTON AKA MY SPIRIT ANIMAL

AmazingPhil: I JUST SAW IT TOO HE LOOKS SO GOOD

dannyboy: I KNOW RIGHT?????

LouiseP: daNIEL

PJ: HAH KNEW IT.

dannyboy: what

crabstickzzz: ur not good at being straight, my friend

dannyboy: oh come on! i may be straight but im not BLIND!

PJ: sure.

dannyboy: phil back me up!

AmazingPhil: Dan has a point.

crabstickzzz: spoil sport

crabstickzzz has kicked AmazingPhil from the chat.

dannyboy: OI

LouiseP: Chris, add him back in.

crabstickzzz: fineeee only cause ur scary

crabstickzzz has added AmazingPhil to the chat.

dannyboy has changed the chat name to welcome back fil.

AmazingPhil has changed the chat name to chris sucks.

dannyboy: i second that

crabstickzzz: wat did i do???

PJ: you’re really asking yourself that?

NOVEMBER 25TH

chris sucks

LouiseP: It’s been five days are you all dea?

crabstickzzz: yep im so dea

LouiseP: Oh shut up, like you can talk.

PJ: he never stops talking. don’t encourage him, for my sake.

crabstickzzz: do not

AmazingPhil: Do too

PJ: do too.

dannyboy: do too

crabstickzzz: alright i get it

LouiseP: Do too.

LouiseP: Whoops.

crabstickzzz: watevr

crabstickzzz: so dan have u figured out that ur gay yet

dannyboy: for the last time, im like 99% sure im straight

PJ: that’s 1% less than last time.

crabstickzzz: progress!!!

dannyboy: no its just that if evan peters wanted to fuck me, i wouldnt say no

LouiseP: Hardly anyone would.

dannyboy: see? it doesnt prove anything

AmazingPhil: well…

dannyboy: I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE

PJ: welcome to the dark side.

AmazingPhil: I just go for whatever side is winning! Can’t blame a man for surviving

dannyboy: thats not the saying

AmazingPhil: It is now!

dannyboy: weve been over this! you cant steal sayings and try to change them

AmazingPhil: I just did

dannyboy: why am i friends with you

crabstickzzz: bc u like him

dannyboy changed the chat name to ~ still not gay ~.

PJ: sure.

LouiseP: You say that a lot.

PJ: it’s because it’s needed. if dan didn’t deny the blatantly obvious, i wouldn’t have to be sarcastic all the time.

crabstickzzz: dont lie to urself

NOVEMBER 27TH

~ still not gay~

dannyboy: oh my god oh m y god

AmazingPhil: What?!

dannyboy: fcukin evan peters in ahs

AmazingPhil: ARE YOU WATCHING WITHOUT ME

dannyboy: maybe…

AmazingPhil: BETRAYAL

crabstickzzz: gayyyyyy

dannyboy: fuck off let me have this chris

PJ: yeah chris, fuck off.

dannyboy: thanks pj

PJ: it’s okay. also...

dannyboy: what

PJ: gayyyyy.

AmazingPhil: Okay but Dan has a point

LouiseP: True!

dannyboy: phil and louise are my only friends

crabstickzzz: danyul they both like guys doesnt that say something

dannyboy: psh whatever

DECEMBER 25TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: ugh im stuck with sucky wifi away from home :(

AmazingPhil: Aw! Does that mean no skype tonight?

dannyboy: im using my data rn and its so slow, skype would be a nightmare. sorry phil

AmazingPhil: I’ll see you when you get back, then.

dannyboy: yeah :)

crabstickzzz: ugh stop flirting

PJ: yeah, get your own chat.

LouiseP: I think it’s cute.

dannyboy: yeah okay im leaving

PJ: he didn’t deny the flirting part though.

JANUARY 1ST

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: new years and no one to kiss wow what a surprise

AmazingPhil: My offer still stands ;)

LouiseP: WAIT, WHAT OFFER?!

crabstickzzz: yeah wat offer

PJ: is no one gonna..?

PJ: okay fine I guess I’ll have to do it.

PJ: gayyyyyyy

AmazingPhil: I wish

dannyboy: keep dreaming philly ;)

LouiseP: I ship it.

PJ: join the club.

dannyboy: can anybody read what the title of this chat is

crabstickzzz: we can we just dont care

PJ: the only reason no one has changed it is because of its irony.

JANUARY 12TH

Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil

dannyboy: ahH EVAN PETERS

AmazingPhil: Dan are you sure you’re not gay

dannyboy: well i mean i have liked girls before so even if i did like guys i wouldnt be gay

AmazingPhil: Bi?

dannyboy: maybe idk

dannyboy: but anyway EVAN PETERS

JANUARY 16TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: this chat is so quiet

AmazingPhil: For the first time in forever

dannyboy: did you literally just reference Frozen

LouiseP: What’s wrong with Frozen?!

AmazingPhil: Yeah Dan what’s wrong with Frozen

PJ: he probably thinks its gay lmao.

crabstickzzz: dans literally the epitome of no homo

dannyboy: wow what a big word you used there chris

dannyboy: do you even know what it means

dannyboy: also i’ll have you know i have proudly never said no homo

AmazingPhil: I’ve tested that ;)

PJ: WOAH WHAT DID PHIL JUST MAKE A DIRTY JOKE?

LouiseP: PHIL, I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU TO BE A GOOD CHILD.

crabstickzzz: DAN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM

dannyboy: wouldnt you like to know

crabstickzzz: wht te h fcuk

PJ: … GAYYYYYYY.

LouiseP: I second that.

AmazingPhil: I hope that

dannyboy: that doesnt make sense

PJ: okay, straight boy, he meant ‘fil hopes you’re gay, as in attracted to boys, no “no homo”’.

dannyboy: im not an idiot

crabstickzzz: debateble

dannyboy: debatable* dumbass

JANUARY 30TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHIL MY BEST FRIEND

LouiseP: Happy birthday! Wow, January went by quickly.

dannyboy: yeah can you believe that Phil Lester created January and the world was so hyped for his birthday it sped up time

PJ: oh my god, guys, holy shit.

crabstickzzz: what

PJ: DAN DIDN’T TALK ABOUT HOW BIRTHDAYS ARE A STEP CLOSER TO DEATH. AM I ALIVE?

crabstickzzz: hoLY FUCK UR RIGHT

LouiseP: Dan, you feeling okay?

dannyboy: jeez sorry for wishing my friend a happy birthday

AmazingPhil: I thought it was sweet

crabstickzzz: yeah we get it u love each other

PJ: they’re so cute but so gross.

dannyboy: i dont like phil cmon guys

AmazingPhil: I thought we had something :( you even forgot to talk about the inevitability of death for me :((((

PJ: hey, at least he didn’t say he doesn’t like guys or reference the chat name.

FEBRUARY 3RD

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: ugh people suck

AmazingPhil: What happened?

dannyboy: nothing

PJ: sure.

LouiseP: You can tell us, Dan.

crabstickzzz: as long as its not blackmail worthy bc in that case dont be so sure

LouiseP: Chris.

crabstickzzz: i was joking, ofc he can tell us

dannyboy: nvm, i said it was nothing

Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil

AmazingPhil: Seriously what happened

dannyboy: one of my old friends from uni keeps asking me when im getting a girlfriend or making jokes about my lack of love life every time he sees me and im sick of it

AmazingPhil: You’ve complained about him before and it you never seemed too bothered

dannyboy: yeah well…

AmazingPhil: ?

dannyboy: i know it shouldnt bother me but this time when i tried to ignore all of his questions about getting a girlfriend or whatever he said “you’re gonna turn gay and be alone”

dannyboy: like i know gay isnt an insult but at the same time it bugs me? is that wrong?

AmazingPhil: I don’t think so. Maybe it was just that he said something like that in the first place

dannyboy: maybe… or like some internalised homophobia idk i feel shitty

dannyboy: im just so tired of everyone asking me when im gonna get a relationship

dannyboy: my mum has been making hints at it lately

AmazingPhil: I love your mum but everyone should back off

dannyboy: this is cheesy but you’re the best

AmazingPhil: No problem <3

dannyboy: <3

FEBRUARY 4TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: youll all be happy to know that i almost accidentally kissed a guy today

crabstickzzz: o H YM GOD DANYUL WELCOME TO THE GAY SIDE

dannyboy: a l m o s t + a c c i d e n t a l l y

PJ: sure.

dannyboy: i thought you had stopped with the sarcastic sures

PJ: keep dreaming, howell.

crabstickzzz: shut up time for the important qs

crabstickzzz: was it fil

LouiseP: Please for the love of god let it be Phil.

AmazingPhil: Let what be me

dannyboy: they’re freaking out over the almost kiss

AmazingPhil: Oh! Sorry guys, it wasn’t me

crabstickzzz: NOOOOOOOOO

PJ: sure.

LouiseP: Liesssssssssssssss.

dannyboy: it was this cute guy who ive been friends with for a while and we were messing around and whispering in each others ears to waste time during some meeting that was probably important and i turned just as he was whispering something and our lips almost touched

dannyboy: we jumped back just in time

PJ: there was so much gay in that that I can’t even form a coherent reason as to why it was gay.

AmazingPhil: Can you believe that Dan cheated on me :(((((()(09()

crabstickzzz: CUTE GUY? WHISPERING IN EARS? HOWL U R GAY OK

PJ: good news, chris just said my reasons for me.

LouiseP: Who’s the lucky guy?

dannyboy: first of all, weve been over this. i know when someone is cute, guy or girl. second of all, we were whispering creepy stuff like “mayonnaise” to try and freak each other out and third of all, not telling because id know you guys would stalk him

AmazingPhil: I know who it is ;)

PJ: i bet it’s phil.

dannyboy: nope. i said CUTE guy

AmazingPhil: HEY!

dannyboy: kidding. but no, it wasnt phil

FEBRUARY 8TH

~ still not gay ~

LouiseP: Alright, for today we put a halt on the usual Dan is gay discourse.

dannyboy: thank you friend

PJ: why? did someone die?

crabstickzzz: BREAKING TRADITION IS NOT ALLWD!!!

LouiseP: Shush, let me talk about a cute guy I saw today.

LouiseP: Anyway how do I ask him out?

AmazingPhil: Wait until Valentines and anonymously get him a rose.

dannyboy: ask him out or let your feelings pile up and watch him inevitably move on because you’re too scared to make a move

PJ: talk to him on the internet until you become best friends and be gay oops i meant straight for each other.

crabstickzzz: love poems via mysterious skype calls no one gets to know the contents of

LouiseP: The last two are unrealistic. Who talks to a stranger on the internet??? Stanger danger!1!!1!

dannyboy: fil i think theyre picking on us

AmazingPhil: Fair enough

dannyboy: YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE

FEBRUARY 11TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: i cant wait to get nothing on valentines

LouiseP: Same.

AmazingPhil: Same

PJ: same.

crabstickzzz: sam

crabstickzzz: samr*

crabstickzzz: SAME****

dannyboy: this chat is so depressing

dannyboy: also learn how to spell

crabstickzzz: np

crabstickzzz: no*

FEBRUARY 13TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy changed the chat name to ~ not gay, but bi ~

crabstickzzz: I KNEW IR

dannyboy: shush

crabstickzzz: I FCUKIGN KNEWS IT

dannyboy: you saw nothing

crabstickzzz: YOURE BI

dannyboy: i was right about not being gay though

crabstickzzz: BUT I KNEW YOU WERENT STRAIGHT

PJ: WOAH WOAH WAIT WHAT’S HAPPENIGN OH MT FGDPL.

LouiseP: PJ ISN’T USING FULL STOPS!!! HE’S BROKEN!

LouiseP: DAN, YOU’VE BROKEN ALL OF US!!!

dannyboy: I SAID I WAS 99% SURE I WAS STRAIGHT

crabstickzzz: I WAS RIGHT AND YOU WERE WRONG

dannyboy: NO YOU THOUGHT I WAS GAY

dannyboy: WE WERE ALL WRONG

PJ: S T I L L.

AmazingPhil: This is so amusing

LouiseP: WHY ISN’T PHIL JOINING OUR FREAKING OUT?!

dannyboy: … might have came out already yesterday maybe haha dont kill me

PJ: WHAT?

crabstickzzz: FUK U FIL AND DANYUL

LouiseP: AND YOU’RE ONLY TELLING US NOW??????

dannyboy: yeah well coming out to phil was the first time ive ever done it so it was a little emotionally exhausted and i shook so much that i needed to recharge

AmazingPhil: He was so nervous but I’m proud of him

PJ: yeah, same.

LouiseP: I second that!

crabstickzzz: I FUCKING NKEW TOU WERE GAY

AmazingPhil: I thought we had gotten past this bit

dannyboy: chris, read the new name. im still not gay, just extremely bi

crabstickzzz: sry but i cant believe ur finally coming out

LouiseP: If you don’t mind me asking, what made you realise you were bi?

dannyboy: it all started with this one guy in high school who was so fucking hot and i had like a teensy bit of a crush on him and omg he was so pretty and one time i saw him literally leaning against a wall with his hair messed up and i died

dannyboy: i thought it was a one-time thing and i wasnt really sure if it counted considering ive only ever been attracted to girls before that, but recently ive just come to terms with that and the other thing

crabstickzzz: WHICH IS

dannyboy: nnnnnnnothing

PJ: sure.

AmazingPhil: Ha you guys aren’t on best friend level, so of course you don’t know

crabstickzzz: r00d

dannyboy: dont worry he doesnt know either, hes just being a little shit

AmazingPhil: Love you too

LouiseP: Can you imagine how much we would’ve freaked out over Phil’s message in August?

PJ: seasons change and people do too, apparently.

FEBRUARY 14TH

~ not gay, but bi ~

dannyboy: [image attached] someone sent me this chocolate rose with a note saying “- Voldemort” i wonder who that could be??!?!?

PJ: yeah, can anyone think of a super pale nerd who likes Harry Potter almost as much as Dan does and knows where he lives??? I’m coming up blank!!!1!!

LouiseP: Awwww, that’s so sweet!

crabstickzzz: barf

AmazingPhil: Thanks Louise I spent 2 whole pounds on it

dannyboy: spending so much for his boyfriend ew sap stop wasting money

PJ: bOYFRIEND?

crabstickzzz: WAIT I THOUGHT U 2 WERE JUST BEING WEIRD AND PLATONIC COUPLEY LIKE U ALWAYS R AND UR TELLING ME UR DATING

AmazingPhil: It turns out that the “other thing” Dan mentioned was him liking me

dannyboy: and also staring at his lips whenever he talks to me and thinkingaboutkissingthemmaybehah

LouiseP: CONGRATS, GUYS!

PJ: this is like my OTP.

crabstickzzz: *teenage girl voice* OH MY GOD MY OTP

dannyboy: lets leave before they start being weird

AmazingPhil: They’re our friends, don’t worry so much

crabstickzzz: so like did your first kiss involve tongue or

AmazingPhil: Yeah, bye.

crabstickzzz: he didnt say no

LouiseP: cHRIS.

dannyboy: if you must know, it involved NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

dannyboy has left the chat.

AmazingPhil has left the chat.

PJ: …there was definitely tongue.

LouiseP: Agreed.

#phanfiction #phandom #phanfic #phan #came out last monday (13th feb)#to the still not gay chat #came out to the very inactive class chat this sunday (19th feb)#(only like four people saw hah)#and am planning to maybe come out to my immediate group of friends tomorrow????#who knows #now time for the tags to promote my stuff #chat fic #coming out #humour #kickthestickz #homophobia mention

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thespanglydragon · 7 years

Text

a brief (not at all brief) update on my life until the next time I remember i have this blog and need to sort out my thoughts:

i got a 1st in my first project of the year. I find out my dissertation and second project marks next week, and if they’re both in the high 60s i might be able to graduate with a 1st overall. Which is scary, because if I could then I will feel really disappointed if i dont manage it. I cant tell how to deal with that... but a 2:1 is awesome and would be fitting. I expect that mark, I dont know if I expect a 1st.

I’m fairly stressed in a preemptive way because of all of the work I need to be doing soon, I’m learning lots of things in these projects that I wish I’d learned last year (which I didnt learn because instead I was trying to direct a project which was another learning curve. I wish I had more time to fit in what I’m learning now, cause I wish I knew it now to make my input into my current projects all it could be). Another 6 months of this course would have done me well.

The boy I like, I’m constantly between ‘hes cute and nice’ and ‘hes a friend’ because he is both - i’ve gotten to know him better and i like that regardless of whatever my romantic feelings are. I’m still not 100%, and it’s a crush, but I’m happy not doing anything much about it. I take the opportunity to spend more time with him, but I also do that more with my close friends anyway because I think i’m feeling that soon, once we graduate, we’ll all split off and I love these guys so much in such a gentle friendly way.

I’m feeling really good about having a crush because... for once, even though I’ve always been ‘im happy not doing anything about it’, it’s not preventing me from being the best I can be. I’m not avoiding him or feeling weird around him at all, if anything it’s making me feel more confident about myself because it just feels very nice and my life is culminating right now into a place where I feel good about myself and my friends, where I could go with my career, and having a crush is a part of life that is enjoyable, and i’m happy and surprised that i’m more confident around him than I ever was before I liked him (since we’ve been friends for almost 2 years).

That said, I’m annoyed because I’d told people a few months ago I liked him, but now another person gave away the game to another friend and it’s not something I want to go around. I know full well how I feel about him but that doesnt mean I want other people to know, mainly because of that first issue - I’m happy with him as a friend, and I dont want to disrupt that friendship because people find out and try to either force a situation, or let him know which could very easily disrupt a normal friendship. I’m getting to the point where I just want people to shut up about anything involving me and relationships - because there are also people who still bring up my ex being like ‘oh how’s he’ ‘oh what about ryan’ or making comments implying theres something there when there isn’t. Leave it. I’ve gotten over it, he has too, it was almost 2 years ago now, I dont see him much but you guys see him a lot because the friends group has gone that way. Just allow us to exist as people who arent involved in each others lives beyond being on the same course and having similar friends circles. It really pisses me off.

However, I definitely dont help this point because I’ve developed a habit of being ruthlessly truthful as a defense mechanism, specifically about feelings. I think I got to the point where being totally accepting of my feelings, and not hiding that (in fact letting people know) about them was a good thing I got into when I was getting out of depression, cause I could accept any emotion I had at the time and do something about it, and was very unapologetic if people expressed any kind of intrigue. I used it when I was younger and depressed as a way to try to give blame to other people by making them feel guilty, but it turned into just not letting me blame myself for the illness. Growing out of that kind of means now, I’m overly happy to share my feelings or secrets, when in reality I dont really want people in on the situation. I’m slowly trying to learn about .... emotional modesty? I dont need people to know everything I’ve ever felt, I dont need to tell my every hearts desire or secret. I think acknowledging that is part of me feeling much better about myself and my life in general that’s been happening over the past year - I dont feel like I need other people’s validation to be happy (which is something that plagued me in first year). But I just need to get out of the habit of being so wanting of attention in that way. I’m good as I am, people do like me, I have awesome friends who love me, I dont need some kind of extra quirk or something that will make me interesting.

Oh, and my parents got a new puppy!!!! and i went to an AWESOME harry potter quiz with alcoholic (and delicious) butterbeer that was waaaaaay better than the stuff you get at the studios tbh, me and my sisters and co came 15th out of about 50 which isn’t bad considering some of the rounds were so hard I’m amazed people actually got any answers (such as naming the specific scene a short clip of music was from - and they were obscure like ‘the first time the staircase moves in the first film’ but not when they go into the out of bounds corridor etc)

I’ve also gotten into a routine (something I’m sure 16 year old me would attack me for) of being in uni by 10 (soon to turn to 9), staying tile 8 each night, doing work, not letting myself have facebook on my main computer screen, and i’m really... enjoying it? Posting my collaboration work on the group each evening to recieve feedback. We had two media weeks (bit like reading weeks) where I was in every day, and now lessons have started back again I’m getting annoyed cause I cant do as much work as usual because lectures are getting in the way! I’m really liking it! It’s really nice to feel because the routine is making me feel better, sleep better, not so much eat better cause I’d rather cook for lunch than spend but ehh, but it’s just nice to feel like I’m now someone who can work in this kind of ‘working life’ routine, I will actually fit in and enjoy office work if it’s like my uni work life now (I’m not the only one spending days in our uni room doing work rather than staying at home - a core group of us are agreeing that separating home life and uni life is definitely beneficial to our work and keeping on track, and that being a good feeling rather than feeling like a chore). It’s nice to experience learning that, rather than having that idea forced on young people as it sometimes seems to be (ending up with people who isolate themselves and are unhappy and dont know why, because they’ve not learnt to have a working life balance) I dont know, everything’s really good right now, I actually feel like I want a career in this, I am enjoying my work, I’m doing well at uni, I have lovely friends, I cant get over how lovely and yet calm my life is. It’s like everything is happening in my life with this tinge of yellowy sunlight, bad things may happen but overall, my life is good and regular and I have aims and there are things that could be better, but that’s good because i can work to get them.

#.personal.#this is odd. it's just clearing and solidifying my thoughts which is nice #it's good to see it written and have a plan

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