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mikuni14 · 3 months

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I wanted to reply to this post by @italianpersonwithashippersheart and it turned out to be a very long text, so I'm posting it separately 😉

I have a tactic of reading posts on Tumblr, that as soon as I start reading and see that the author is going in a direction that I know I won't like, I immediately stop and move on (ALTHOUGH sometimes the author writes something I don't agree with in such an engaging way that I read it to the end for intellectual pleasure, or it's someone I like with whom I disagree just this time, but I read it anyway because, after all, I like that person for a reason 😚). That's why, fortunately, I usually (<- key word, usually) avoid fandom wars and problematic fandom behavior. I do this because I know how irritating fandom can be sometimes, especially when a it goes to war to defend its blorbo, or ship, or the entire series. And I regret to say that defenders are the most aggressive... Personally, I don't mind fans living on ships, their blorbo, squealing about them and so on. (I mean, I do that!) Unfortunately, as I'm sure you all know, so many fans who live it, LIVE IT and it's not just fun for them, it's the meaning of their lives. This is where the attacks on actors come from, like the recent attack on Nut, a homewrecker 😆 in Pit Babe, having the audacity to be friends with the actor playing Alan AND HE BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE!, or, as in the case of DFF, tearing Ta into two parts by his ukes two fandoms lmao. Unfortunately, such behavior poisons a positive fandom experience and even I can see it, even though I try very hard NOT to see it.

It also seems to me that DFF viewers could be divided into two distinct groups: DFF fans and BL fans 😉 I'm a DFF fan and that's why I'm interested in meta, theories and Tan. I like PheeJin for their dynamic, but, I don't really care if they end the series as a couple. Besides, for me DFF is a mystery/thriller/slasher/social commentary series with BL elements, in which I DON'T HAVE to have a happy ending for BL relationships to be happy, I only want Tan to be happy. However, someone for whom DFF is only a BL series could be frustrated because 1) there is no monogamy 😬 2) there is "cheating" 3) the characters behave unpleasantly 4) the characters behave in ambiguous ways and it's often not clear what they think and whom they truly love 5) the characters behaviour becomes unpredictable and non-standard and often problematic 6) the plot keeps getting weird, instructions unclear 7) what about my ship?? *panic*

Regarding the concerns about the ending of the series: in any other series I would have EXACTLY THE SAME worries. But I look at DFF in two categories:

as a slasher

as a story about life, without a moral lesson

This makes me NOT worry about the ending because:

if you look at it as a slasher and my favorite film of this type, i.e. Scream and to some extent also Final Destination, there is no moralizing here, because the victims are often innocent and still die, because this is the rule of this genre: people die in masses

if we do NOT look at it as a story with a moral lesson, we also get rid of the compulsion to judge, like, did they deserve or not to die?

I know that in the DFF fandom we often joke, more or less seriously, that we would like this one or that one to die, or for everyone to die, but this is completely normal behavior when consuming media in which someone gets hurt. In the case of DFF, emotions are high because we naturally stand on the side of someone who is bullied and we see how others, through their actions or omissions, or often making stupid mistakes, saying cruel words in anger, contributed to the great tragedy of the entire family. But what I noticed is that the series does not actually moralize. It emphasizes very clearly that Non is a victim, but he is not entirely innocent and has made many stupid decisions himself, having had other choices, while also showing why he makes such choices. It shows Por as a complete asshole, while showing his environment and expectations towards him, but it does not absolve him. It even shows Keng not as a typical sweaty, brutal pedo, but someone who is genuinely concerned about Non, AT THE SAME TIME showing the issue of his pressure on Non, the money, the grooming.

The series presents dry facts, shows characters from different sides, in different situations, it also shows how events move from point A to B and further along the letters of the alphabet :) all the time discovering new facts that explain more and more, sometimes posing a seemingly already explained situation in a completely new perspective.

Personally, I don't get the impression that the series even WANTS us to moralize in our high glass tower, because the series clearly shows that the innocent, defenseless and vulnerable suffer and no one helps them. That a stupid event can lead to tragedy with the butterfly effect. That sometimes things happen beyond our knowledge, that we are just a pawn in someone else's game and, despite our sincere intentions, we cannot stop the course of events. And that the poor have a hard time and lose entire families and their future, with the first fatality in the series being the only son and the future of the richest family.

Therefore, I am 99% sure that:

we do not know all the facts that can turn all our predictions, judgments and faith in what is happening on the screen 180 degrees

whatever happens to Tan, Phee and Jin, I doubt it will be presented as a punishment/reward for anything

Tan can kill them all and not be the winner, Phee can kill Tan and live with it for the rest of his life as a loser

there is no way for the series to end sensibly AND with "the victory of good over evil" and"justice", because evil has been winning all the time and every kick to Non's face, the death of his parents, Tan's "madness", the death of two young people, the trauma of the others were proof of that, also all the lives lost and their future in which change for good is possible

At the moment, I have nothing to complain about the 10 episodes so far, for me the series is run logically, and any question marks that appear in my head, I am calmly waiting for their answers in the next episodes. THERE IS HOWEVER ONE THING THAT WILL ANGRY ME ABOUT THE ENDING: IF THE SERIES MAKES TAN A CONVERTED SINNER WHO CHOOSES LOVE, PEACE AND FORGIVENESS AT THE LAST MOMENT 🤮 I don't even want to think about it. This is the worst thing that can happen.

Despite everything, I still believe that the series will not do something so stupid at the end, that from a painfully realistic story about life with hints of a thriller and a slasher, it will turn into a fairy tale with a moral lesson, in which good (the established social order) will be rewarded and evil (anarchy represented by Tan) will be punished.

I have my dream ending, but whatever, it's my fantasy 😍 But at least 3 BL series from recent weeks ended exactly NOT the way I wanted, so I'm resigned to the fact that DFF may also fail in this matter 🤡

tl;dr everything will be fine, and if it's not fine, we have a great team to sit together and bitch together 🥳

@italianpersonwithashippersheart I fucking love rant posts 😤😤 I LOVED YOURS 💖💖💖

#dead friend forever #thai bl #bl drama

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schrijverr · 10 months

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What a 'Your Mom' Joke Can Get You

Richie accidentally comes out on twitter. He has a panic attack about it, but his friends are always in his corner.

On AO3.

Ships: reddie

Warnings: homophobia mention, panic attack

~~~~~~~~~

Richie comes out on a whim. Well, not so much a whim as an accident, but a planned accident, or more well put, an accident that came from something he wanted to do, but never dared yet played so much on the background that he did it without taking a moment to reflect on it.

He’s scrolling through twitter, head resting on Eddie’s lap (who honestly should have stopped him, in Richie’s defense). However, Eddie himself isn’t a twitter person and isn’t paying attention to Richie’s giggles as he amuses himself on twitter, a common occurrence.

After their reunion, Richie took a step back from being in the spotlight. He stayed with Eddie as he recovered and went through his divorce at the same time, something that wasn’t easy. But now, two years after the reunion, Eddie is a divorcee and they are happily together.

About half a year, Richie slowly got back into the spotlights with the tweet: Rumors of my drug addiction have been vastly exaggerated

Later he went on an interview and explained how he got news of the loss of a close childhood friend, with whom he lost contact (Stan). And how another of his old friends got into an accident when they all met up and he has helped during his recovery (Eddie).

Overnight his story about drug abuse and rock bottom turned into one of loss, reaching out, and healing. It was crazy to see how people received him differently and it allowed him to change his stand up. To change views, write his own stuff, present himself differently.

He has been happier with his work and glad he gets to be more open with people without as much of the backlash he would have gotten otherwise. He has been able to shift his content and audience to a place he’s happy with. And with the support of Eddie, being in a happy relationship for the first time in his life, he has been playing with the idea of coming out as mentioned before.

With the new leaf he turned over, he’s become more active on social media, dropping the techno-inept dude for becoming hip with the kids and failing at meme’s in his own way. It was easier to ease back into the scene like that and built up a different audience before he went up on stage again, plus he found he quite enjoys memes.

One of his favorite things to do is to send them to the groups chat and watch no one but Beverly and Ben get them. The other Losers attempting to guess and failing miserably.

His other favorite thing to do, is to comment on the posts of random users that are obviously not meant to see the light of day or posting his own random thoughts on twitter. This is what he is doing on that faithful evening it happens (he would emphasize the it, but bad memories and all that).

He’s looking at funny tweets, commenting where he goes when he sees a post that claims gay people just flirt in the worsts ways. Richie snorts to himself and without think he responds: Uhm, excuse me, if I can get a boyfriend with my ‘your mom’ jokes then I don’t want criticism on my methods

Right as he presses tweet Eddie randomly starts groaning, so Richie locks his phone and frowns in concern. He asks: “Are you okay, Eds?”

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie says, choosing snark first, before saying: “My back is acting up. I’m going to lie down on the floor for a bit.”

“Want me to give you a massage?” Richie asks.

Eddie gives him a look and replies: “Really?”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Eduardo,” Richie says. “I meant an actual massage.”

“Oh, yeah, that would be nice actually,” Eddie tells him and Richie forgets all about messing about on twitter in favor of making sure Eddie is comfortable and cared for.

They make it an early night and since Richie doesn’t need to get up early, he leaves his phone near the couch. He snuggles into the bed with his boyfriend and is comfortable, unaware of the shitstorm that is happening on the internet.

The next morning he wakes equally oblivious. Eddie is already out on his run, because he is an insane person, so even weekends aren’t holy to him. 9-5 freak, Richie mentally calls him with a fondness that was unknown to him before Eddie. With that he gets out of bed and starts some coffee and breakfast for the two of them.

It’s not until he’s waiting for Eddie to come back with finished breakfast that he is bored enough to want to catch up on the world.

He finds his phone near the couch and vaguely remembers being on twitter before leaving it there, as he grabs it. His anxiety starts to spike, however, when he sees the thousands of notifications on his phone, trying to remember what his last tweet was. Maybe he accidentally tweeted slur mcslurton and he is getting canceled!

With shaking hands he unlocks the phone. The tweet he posted yesterday is still open on his phone, now with thousands of likes, replies and retweets.

Richie’s heart drops to his stomach.

Uhm, excuse me, if I can get a boyfriend with my ‘your mom’ jokes then I don’t want criticism on my methods

He tweeted that.

He just threw that out in the world.

He wasn’t thinking.

Without his consent his hands start to shake worse and he drops his phone as his breath starts to catch in his throat, the oxygen burning. Tears gather in his eyes and his vision blurs. His knees buckle and he sinks to the ground as he attempts to get his breathing back in check.

That is how Eddie finds him when he comes back, still a little sweaty, but satisfied from his run. He is humming and calls out a greeting to Richie, not yet spotting him.

Richie desperately tries to stop. He doesn’t want to worry his Eds. However, it’s no use. His lungs aren’t cooperating and when he greets back, he sounds out of breath and distressed, which is perfectly matched with mood.

He hears Eddie’s footfalls pause, before they speed up as they get closer to him. Concerned Eddie gasps: “Oh my god, Richie! Are you okay? What happened?”

“I-” Richie starts to answer, to explain, to soothe Eddie’s worries. But the words catch in his throat and he starts to spiral again as he thinks of what happened.

He hates how he is still reacting like this to something he was planning on doing at some point. It’s just that he hasn’t been able to check the reactions and his brain is working overtime to supply him with all the ways this can blow back up into his face. He wants to be queer and comfortable, but he isn’t fully there yet it seems.

Helplessly he gestures to his dropped phone, hoping Eddie can figure it out himself as Richie goes through his breathing exercises.

Eddie knows Richie hates being touched whenever he has a panic attack, so he sits down on the floor close to Richie, letting him know he’s there for him without distressing him more.

As he waits, he picks up the phone to check whatever happened to trigger Richie. Richie is glad that Eddie will be the one to break the news of how it’s going to him, that he doesn’t have to see the hate himself. Even if he does feel a little bad about making Eddie see it and more anxious when Eddie gasps as he sees, before clicking more.

Richie ignores it best he can as he calms himself down, going through all the exercises he and his therapist worked on. Until, he feels well enough to crawl to Eddie and curl up next to him and ask him: “What are they saying?” in a meek voice.

“It’s a mix up between people who think it’s a bit and people who are nice. And some mean people, but those are a lot less,” Eddie tells him. “#UselessGayTozier is trending. Also, you have a lot of missed calls from Steve.”

“Fuckkk, he’s gonna be pissed,” Richie whines, hiding his face in Eddie’s shoulder, being comforted by his smell. Then he can’t help but ask again: “But there is truly not a lot of hate? I’m not, like, getting canceled or something?”

Eddie gives him a comforting smile and says: “No, you’re not being canceled, except by a few who think it’s a bit and you’re taking the shit out of gay people.”

“Rude, I am gay people,” Richie replies, feeling capable of joking now that he got the panic out of his system.

His sweet Eddie snorts at his admittedly shitty joke and says: “You’re an idiot.” Then there is a beat of silence, before Eddie tentatively asks: “How are you doing?”

After a moment of reflection, Richie answers honestly: “A bit tired and anxious, but better. I’ve been hyping myself up to do it, now I did it. That should be a good thing, right?”

“If you’re comfortable with it being out there than that is a good thing,” Eddie agrees. “I’m here for you, whatever you decide. If you want to deny and take it back, you can do that and I’ll still love you. We’re going to be fine.”

It is really comforting to hear it said out loud, even if Richie knew already. He and Eddie both had their own journey to being comfortable with their queerness and being together. So, Eddie would never pressure him to be out, hell, Eddie isn’t out at work.

However, there is more to Richie being out than Eddie being out. He sighs: “I don’t think I can take this back without looking a giant asshole, but thank you, Eds.”

Eddie doesn’t even protest the nickname like he usually does, just holds Richie tight and lets him gather himself. Just the two of them on the floor of their apartment, Eddie sweaty and Richie still sleep rumpled.

Richie leeches all the comfort he can out of Eddie until he feels human again. He’s sure that with enough time, he’ll find this hysterical. Perhaps he can even make a bit out of it for his new show that he’s working on. He lets out a groan at the thought.

“You okay?” Eddie immediately asks and Richie is touched by his concern.

“Yeah,” he smiles, “just realized I’ll have to rewrite a bunch of my show with this information known. I had a whole bit about dating your mom.”

“Fuck you, dude,” Eddie say as he pinches him, but he is also laughing as Richie squeaks and tries to get away from the attack.

“Breakfast is probably cold now,” Richie comments after a moment.

“That’s okay,” Eddie tells him and gets up, pulling Richie up as well, using the moment to check Richie over. God, he truly got so lucky with Eddie as his boyfriend. He never had someone care for him like Eddie does, except his parents, but even that was different.

Eddie cares deeply without making Richie feel incompetent or a chore. He just chose Richie and loves him, thus wants him to be alright. It takes his breath away.

Eddie cares by gently encouraging him when they work out together, by cooking healthy and delicious foods, by being there when the nerves get to him, by holding him when he wants to be held, and by listening to his comedy, giving genuine feedback, yet also compliments and the validation Richie has always craved. And Eddie is the one person who can keep up with Richie the best, both in banter and how his thoughts jump around.

Of course he cares about Eddie as well, but after his mother and then Myra, Richie knows better than to care in an overbearing manner. He’ll do chores, keeping the house clean as Eddie works, cuddle with him on the couch or in bed, help him with chronic pain, but back off if asked. He likes being able to care for Eddie like that, in a way that makes him feel safe.

They just care differently.

Right now, Eddie needs to be assured that Richie is okay and Richie needs to feel like someone will always be in his corner.

After Eddie has ensured Richie is truly as okay as he will be, he gives him a kiss on the nose that has Richie grinning like a loon. He manages to blink out of it and follow Eddie to the breakfast bar where they eat the cold breakfast.

All throughout Richie is distracted, but for once Eddie doesn’t scold him for being on his phone. He checks the damages, trying to gauge the reactions and come up with what to do next. He should definitely call his manager back. Fuck, Steve will have his head. But he’ll also help him with coming up with a statement or something.

Beyond twitter, he also has a bunch of message from people he hasn’t spoken with in forever reaching out now that he’s in the midst of a controversy.

Luckily, all the Losers have also reached out, both private and in the groups chat. It truly warms his heart and he feels so blessed that he has these people back into his life again. They were the pieces that have been missing for so long. The people who were meant to fill the loneliness.

He ignores most people that have reached out, but replies to the Losers, having his confidence boosted by their support. It’s such a nice feeling to know he won’t be alone again.

When breakfast is done, he bites the bullet and calls Steve, his manager. Anxiously clicking the button, not even having a few rings to steel himself as Steve picks up immediately: “What the hell, Rich! You could have at least prepared me for this stunt.”

“It was an accident,” Richie mumbles, feeling a little sheepish about it.

“An- An accident!” Steve exclaims. “How do you always manage to do this?”

“Steve,” Richie sighs, not in the mood to be berated. “I know I fucked up. I can’t take this back. I know, trust me. Lets just talk solutions.”

And Steve must hear something in his voice, because he drops it. Richie can almost picture him rub his forehead tiredly as he says: “Alright. So, it’s not too bad. But you need to say something. People are taking your silence and running with it. You need to confirm or go underground again and have a long while of no comment and I don’t know if you can manage that.”

“I think I need to confirm,” Richie says.

“Good, good, that’s good,” Steve sounds so relieved as he agrees, like he feared Richie would not want to, which would make his life so much harder. It makes Richie snort a little.

The snort lightens the mood a little, which Eddie picks up on. He quirks his brow up from where he’s seated close for moral support. Richie smiles and Eddie smiles back. That smile only hardens Richie’s resolve. So, he asks: “What’s the plan now?”

“We can go through normal media lines, but that gives you less control about it and most get their news from social media anyway,” Steve explains. “So, I think it’s best to get a message out there on twitter. You can do just do a conformation tweet, but you can also go video. Send it to me before posting it, please, Richie.”

“Ahw, don’t you trust me?” Richie pouts, playfully.

“No, I know you, that’s different,” Steve tells him, which is both fair and unfair. Richie has gotten better, but Steve has been there for all his lows and stupid shit.

So, he says: “Alright, I’ll let you check.”

“Good,” Steve nods. “Now, are you okay by yourself to figure this out?”

“Yeah, I have Eds as back up,” Richie assures Steve.

“Alright,” Steve says. “Call me if you’re stuck.”

“I will,” Richie promises, before they both hang up. And Richie is confronted with the silence that means he has to face the reality and do something about it now.

He’s broken out of his stare into a different dimension by Eddie nudging him and softly asking: “Hi, you doing okay?”

Richie looks up and grins, pushing Eddie’s sweaty hair up his forehead and says: “With you smelly presence here, I am fabulous.”

“Oh fuck you, dude,” Eddie replies, both of them knowing he hasn’t showered yet to support Richie emotionally.

“I love you too,” Richie grins, before assuring him: “You can go shower, sweetie-sweaty. I have to pick whether I want to put effort into this or not.”

“Asshole,” Eddie says, but he’s smiling again (not that Richie doesn’t love his little frown) and he goes to shower.

Richie sits down and contemplates. He could make a video. He is known for performances, so video should be his comfort zone. He also wouldn’t be bound to the character limit twitter sets. However, that would mean making a script and getting psycho-analyzed for his body language by randos on the internet. Plus, the idea of having the perform makes him want to vomit.

Text it is! He can just take a screenshot of his notes should it come to that.

Now to think of what to say. He already has decided that he wants to confirm. But should he explain? Should he give backstory? Should he be short yet sweet? Or try and be funny? And he mentioned his boyfriend, how does Eddie see this? Should he say something about that?

He opens the notes app on his phone and stares at it, before he decides to just start trying things and find what feels right. Starting with typing: Yeah, I’m gay lmao

It’s short and funny. It would give everyone the information to end canceling campaigns, but it wouldn't put him in a position to be open and vulnerable. Richie likes it, but the more he stares at it, the more it starts to feel dismissive. He doesn’t want to come across as an asshole, he’s already done that for most of his career.

So, he sighs and deletes the text, before trying again: Surprise, I am gay! No, I didn’t make it up for attention, please ignore it ever happened

That’s a little pathetic and vulnerable, albeit true. He wants people to know, he doesn’t care if they do if he’s quite honest, he just doesn’t want to talk about it ever. Okay, so maybe he’s not yet fully comfortable, but it happened and it’s more that he knows it will always be a topic and people are going to be invasive that bothers him, more than people actually knowing does.

He sighs and deletes it as well, staring at his blinking indicator on screen, before trying a different route: As you’ve all seen, I posted a jokey comment yesterday. It was not my intent to come out, the chance for comedy overtook me and I forgot I wasn’t out yet. But now here I am. Out. Hopefully everyone understands that this is not a topic I wish to comment on more for now, once I do you will all know, because gay jokes will make me unstoppable. For now, I will just confirm and go hibernate like a bear ;p

This is more honest and would be a screenshot of his notes to post. However, it makes him look like an idiot.

Hell, he feels like an idiot. Who the fuck forgets they’re not out? Him, apparently.

Fuck, he just likes talking about Eddie, alright. None of their friends ever let him forget how obnoxious they are now that they’re not both repressing how they’re feelings. They’re just that couple, who constantly talks about and teases the other. It’s a brand. He just saw the opportunity and took it, like he has done his entire life with jokes.

Before he can delete this version too, however, he is distracted by Eddie returning now wet from his shower. He sees Richie on the couch, still in his pajamas and asks: “You doing okay? Found something to post?”

Richie sighs and gestures to his phone as he says: “It all sucks,” before explaining his attempts to Eddie.

Eddie just listens as he explains, nodding along to show that he understands, that he is listening to his words. Richie can’t explain how much he appreciates that. Because, yeah, they’re often lovingly bullying each other, but they know when the other isn’t in a mindset to be teased. And Eddie knows that Richie never had many people willing to listen to him, how relieved he is that Eddie is listening to him, not dismissing him.

Plus, of course, Eddie is part of this conversation. Which Richie acknowledges and also hates about the whole situation. “I also mentioned you, well, not you-you, but a boyfriend, which does not have to be you, but people will speculate. And I don’t know if I should say something about it or not, because it can just encourage some people to pry.”

He cards his hands through his hair and heaves a deep breath, done with speaking and feeling a little empty after.

Next to him, Eddie gives a thoughtful hum. He is still nodding as he thinks, before he says: “Well, I don’t want to be mentioned by name and if looking into me could be discouraged, I would be in favor of that.”

“In favor of that,” Richie repeats. “Are you a senator or something? You don’t have to lobby here, we can make this together. It’s your life too.”

“Thanks,” Eddie gives a lopsided smile, before he exclaims: “But I totally could be a senator. I have the face.”

“Yeah, a generic white guy, who fits into corporate America,” Richie rolls his eyes, but he’s laughing. “They’d eat you up.”

“Hell yeah they would,” Eddie smirks.

There’s a natural pause in the conversation, before Richie says: “So, a note about not looking you up, got it. Let’s start again.” He grabs his phone and mumbles as he types: “Yes, this is my confession, or coming out, or whatever you want to call it. I am gay. However, before I go into my sob story, I want to state that I will not answer any questions about my boyfriend. I gave up a little privacy to become a public figure, he did not. Respect that.” Then he looks up at Eddie and asks him: “What do you think of that?”

“Little dramatic,” Eddie critiques.

“I am dramatic,” Richie guffaws, offended, before dropping the show. “Is it too dramatic?”

“Depends,” Eddie shrugs. “It fits with your personality, but you weren’t ready to come out yet and now you’re talking about telling your sob story? How far do you want to get into it?”

Richie sighs again, he’s been doing that a lot this morning, then tries to follow his own thoughts, made easier by verbalizing them. “I don’t know. I wanted to just post a quick confirmation, but then everyone will ask me about it. If I just throw the story out there and then hide until the latest scandal, then- I mean, I guess I hope they just forget to ask me anything about it.”

“Do you think that will work?” Eddie asks. He doesn’t know much of this lifestyle, tries not to be involved, so his only source is Richie.

“Depends on how interesting they find it,” Richie shrugs. “Right now they smell a scandal. They see ‘Comedian Richie Tozier Mocks LGBTQ Community’ on the covers of their gossip rags and while ‘Comedian Richie Tozier Comes Out as Gay’ is also a story, but its less of scandal than the first. If someone else does something noteworthy it will likely over shine it. But that is only when they don’t decide to pull up all my old work and try to cancel me over it or analyze me about it and try to dig into all the reasons I repressed myself.”

Now it’s Eddie turn to sigh as he wonders out loud: “Are they ever going to let you forget that? I mean, you’ve changed.”

“I know, but I know it was shit. People will always be mad about it,” Richie says. He isn’t proud of the sexist jokes he used to tell, who he hears them quote. He was an asshole and the people who he hurt can bring it up whenever they want in his book. He just hates it when the magazines come after him, trying to condemn him for things he is trying to correct. As if they don’t allow him to grow as a person, as if they have that power over him. It drives him mad.

“I don’t like that they keep reminding you of it,” Eddie still pouts. “You’re a braver person than they’ll ever know. They don’t know what you’ve been through. How much you’ve had to deal with, how much you worked on yourself. Derry sucked and it took all of us years to recover from it. Your stupid mistakes are just on the record.”

It does something with Richie’s heart to see Eddie so protective over him and he can’t help but place a soft kiss on his cheek. The texture of the scar under his lips feels familiar and it makes him all the more grateful that Eddie is alive. That he is here with him.

“What was that for?” Eddie asks, an instinctual smile on his face, making his dimples appear, which Richie loves so much.

Richie’s own face contort into a smile as well as he softly replies: “I just love you.”

Eddie melts besides him and says: “I love you too, you absolute softie.”

“Fuck you, you’re just as bad,” Richie argues with a smile. He likes this ribbing a lot more than the serious conversation from before.

“Am not,” Eddie protests.

“Are too,” Richie shoots back just to be annoying, even sticking out his tongue to go with it.

“I have never done anything soft in my life,” Eddie huffs dramatically.

“Yeah, right, tell that to the roses that got delivered to my dressing room the first time I went back on stage,” Richie says, recalling that memory with a wave of fondness for the man next to him.

“Shut up,” Eddie blushes, not meeting Richie eyes.

“Ahww, Eddie spaghetti, the cutest there is!” Richie exclaims, pinching Eddie’s cheek as he does.

“Stop it,” Eddie says as he swats Richie hand away, but he can’t hide the laughter in his voice as he does.

The action reminds him of their childhood. Of Richie annoying Eddie and Eddie pretending he hated it, while sharing in a blush. How they have been years in the making, even if they forgot each other for a long while.

Eddie has always been part of his life, part of the person he wants to be. Eddie keeps him grounded and makes him feel loved. Makes it feel like all those years of self-hatred, of loneliness, were worth it, because he gets to have this life with Eddie now. And he’d go through what happened a hundred times over if it means this is the outcome.

His past is part of him. It has shaped him, shaped them. He can’t forget that. Derry is intertwined with who they were, who they grew up to be. His reaction to the whole thing won’t make sense without that part of him, he can mention it.

“Where did you go?” Eddie asks, after a few seconds, having noticed that Richie’s thoughts drifted away to a different places.

“Yeah,” Richie smiles reassuringly. “I think I wanna talk a little about Derry in the post. Will you read it after I type it?”

“Of course,” Eddie says without hesitation. “Take your time.”

“Thanks,” Richie says, before setting to work crafting the message he wants to send out into the world. It takes a little time to fine tune it, before letting Eddie check it over and making the last adjustment.

With both of them happy he sends it to Steve to be checked over. He gets a thumbs up back after a few minutes, thus screenshots what he wrote and posts it on twitter. It reads:

Hi, if you’re aware of me enough to read this you have probably seen my latest (albeit hilarious and completely true) reaction to a tweet. It has sparked some controversy because I have never said that I was gay. And that is correct! I forgot I am not out and just saw the opportunity for a joke and took it, because – to put an end the rumors – I am gay. It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I am comfortable enough to joke around with my sexuality like this, since I grew up in a highly homophobic small town. Slurs and bullying have followed me for a long time and I repressed a lot of those feeling for a long time, hiding behind a facade of misogynist straight guy as to not raise suspicion, which I regret. However, I have been able to work through those feelings, helped by support from my friends and my lovely boyfriend. I am very thankful for them and glad I got to grow. I am very happy where I am right now, but coming out was an accident. I will likely not share more about it until I am more comfortable, thank you for understanding. I also ask you all not to pry into the life of my boyfriend. I have chosen to be a public figure, he absolutely has not, so please respect that. That is all I wish to say about the situation now.

He posts it with as caption: Tl;DR: yeah, I’m gay lmao

Once he’s done so, he texts to the groups chat that he’s okay, just turning his phone off for a bit and to text Eddie if they want to reach him, before putting his phone away. A part of him wants to religiously check all the reactions, the other part of him wants to put his fingers into his ears and lalalala his way into forgetting it exists.

Eddie takes him into his arms, saying nothing and just rubbing his back. It allows Richie to let himself be comforted without feeling like he has to do something, give a reaction. He can just exist with a far away stare.

It’s nice to lie like this and he’s glad this didn’t happen on a day when Eddie had to go to work. He honestly doesn’t know what he would do without Eddie.

“I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you too,” Eddie replies easily, planting a kiss on his forehead and holding him closer.

When lunch time rolls around Eddie gets Richie snapped out of it a little, not wanting him to disappear too far into his own world. Eddie cooks something nice as Richie scrolls through the messages of the other Losers on Eddie’s phone.

Beverly has shared some of the memes people made about the situation to cheer him up. His favorite is one reading: When the urge to make a gay joke is so big but you’re not out with the image of the bulging veins boy below it.

Meanwhile, Billy has gone through the pits of twitter to find nice encouraging messages from people to Richie, which nearly makes him cry, though he doesn’t say that. Billy himself has also posted words of encouragement on twitter, as did Bev.

Ben isn’t famous like Beverly, Billy and Richie are, but he’s just send encouraging words and offered his wood cottage if he needs to get away from bustling Hollywood, which he might take him up on if this ends in him being stopped in the street every time he goes out.

Mike isn’t famous at all, but that isn’t stopping him from being vocal, though not over text. He has chosen to pick fights with random people online, who are shitheads. Richie and Eddie are kept up to date about his shenanigans in the group chat.

At some point Richie sends Mike a text that it’s very sweet, but he doesn’t have to do that, because that might get hatred redirected at Mike.

To that Mike responds: Man, I have pulled you out of your life towards Derry and there you saved my life, of course I’m going to protect you from these assholes. Besides, they’re nothing against It and they have nothing on me. I’m out here exploring the world, they have to find me first if they want to come fight me.

It makes Richie again feel so lucky with his friends. They have all decided that Mike gave up enough, so they all sponsor him, so he can go see the world, yet Mike doesn’t let the time he was trapped in Derry make him bitter. He still loves them and this is how he shows it.

Somehow he is reminded of the time they were both stuck in the vision, back when they fought It as kids when they came together in the clubhouse to do the smoke ritual. Back then it was the two of them as well and they kept each other safe. In a way, they’re still living the echoes of then.

By the time lunch is over #protectiveboyMike is on the trending page right next to #UselessGayTozier.

A lot of people think Mike is the boyfriend. Mike denies it with the statement: I’m not, but what if I was? That a problem?, which only invites more reactions.

The whole thing makes Richie feel much better about himself. Just three years ago, he would have lost his mind at the idea of being out, of being comfortable with what has always floated beneath the surface. And he never would have believed he has the support system that he does. Yet, here they are. His friends. He feels like a very lucky man.

Eddie kisses his cheek, snapping him out of his musings. He says: “Had enough scrolling for today?”

“Yeah,” Richie says, feeling a lot better about himself.

A/N:

Do y’all ever really panic and then ur like, done. Like, you can’t be bothered anymore, because you got all the panic out and now you feel a bit like a drama queen.

#rr writing #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it stephen king #it 2019 #eddie lives au #the losers club #reddie #richie x eddie

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prodigal-explorer · 3 months

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You say that both Palestine and Israel are in the right and wrong, which first of all is the most bullshit I've ever heard.

Stop saying that you're "staying neutral" when it's fucked up, sick headed people like you that the government leeches off of. Its your ignorance that they profit off of, your privilege to lay in bed, to watch a fun movie, to hang out with friends and eat your full plate. That is a privilege that Palestines dream of.

Little kids dreams of Palestine dream of watch TV. They dream of playing outside without the fear of their lives on the line. They dream of going to school, having families, growing old, yet Israel kills them for no reason. This is genocide of innocent civilians.

And don't say "BuT hAmAs!!" As if that's your supporting argument. Nothing, and I mean nothing in the world can justify the genocide happening in Palestine right now. The numbers don't lie, Annie. The 30,000+ people didn't deserve it.

I hope you enjoy riding Israel dick and I hope the true guilt you feel once you finally see past your comfort zone hurts you so bad.

Genuinely, for all of us. Delete your pathetic excuse of an account and never post a thing ever again.

hey!

first of all, i never said that i’m staying neutral. wanting peace isn’t the same as staying neutral. i’m not encouraging the genocide just because i’m holding empathy for both sides and wanting both sides to have peace.

your cruel words are just a further example of all the hate that social media is spreading that isn’t helping anyone. i’m spreading information about charities to SUPPORT PALESTINE. i’m spreading information to uplift the voices of israeli and palestinian people who have LOST FAMILY MEMBERS due to this conflict, and trying to uplift the things THEY are saying. if i deleted my account, all of that stuff would be gone. the stuff that’s helping palestine. so you want palestine to have less help? that’s so woke of you. /s

i never said that israel should be bombing innocent people. i’m not supporting that and i never ever did. i never justified the genocide one single time and the fact that you think i did only goes to show that you didn’t read my posts. you just wanted to get angry and righteous and you chose me to attack, but it’s not going to work. i will apologize for saying that both sides are in the wrong because that is a bit of a bold statement which could easily be taken as excusing the actions of the israeli government, which was not my intention. palestine didn’t do anything to deserve this attack. the actions of hamas do not represent palestine as a whole.

for the record, if i had to choose a side, i would choose palestine. the way that the israeli government is using the money america is feeding them is horrible and disgusting. too many people have died in this conflict. but it is unfair to paint israel as a whole in a light that suggests that they are trying to wipe out the palestinian race because that’s not what’s happening. did you know that in israel, citizens are required BY LAW to serve in the military? they’re sacrificing their lives and being forced to do things they don’t agree with because the government is forcing them. israeli people don’t enjoy doing this. if you’re going to point fingers at someone, point at the 0.01% of israeli government officials who are making these decisions. not at an entire race, an entire population of people who are just doing what they are forced to do. it’s hypocritical to get mad at people for addressing hamas while also accusing all of israel of terrorism when the only real decision makers are the government. it’s the same thing, blaming an entire population for something that only a small group of people are responsible for. neither should be encouraged.

i don’t agree with what the israeli government is doing whatsoever. but that is not an excuse to wish death upon the people who didn’t even make any of these choices. these people were born in israel and they have to follow the laws. you can’t stand here while you’re privileged and on your phone typing angry little paragraphs that you wouldn’t do the same to keep yourself and your family safe.

so many people are using this issue as an excuse to be antisemitic. that is what i’m addressing in these posts. people like you are so fucking performative that you can’t see what the real issue is.

i know both israeli and palestinian people whose families have died. who’s YOUNG family members have died due to this conflict. and you know what they are telling me?

they aren’t telling me to go on social media and attack random people. they aren’t telling me to post about how all israelis/palestinians are awful people who deserve to die. they are telling me that the only way to stop all these innocent children and people as a whole from dying is to promote PEACE. and guess what. it isn’t just palestinian people saying this to me. ITS ISRAELI PEOPLE TOO.

THATS WHAT IM ADDRESSING IN MY POSTS. promoting PEACE is how we can do more for these poor children than just getting angry on social media. when we pick sides and polarize, we create more of a divide between two beautiful nations who deserve to live in peace and harmony. we further remove the chances of there being a reconciliation.

what do you suggest we do? kill all the israeli children? what will that accomplish??? this is so much more complicated than petty revenge. what feeds a war is the possibility of winning. and creating sides and pretending that the other side are full of evil heartless monsters who are doing this for no reason is only making the war WORSE because it fabricated the possibility of one side winning MORE.

so if you think you’re helping anybody with this bullshit, you’re not. your mindset is a prime example of the horrible performative activism that america is doing in order to pretend to be helpful while thousands of innocent children are dying.

maybe put some of this righteous energy into donating, or listening to israeli and palestinian voices instead of talking over them and speaking for them. that’s what would really be helpful in a time like this.

#israel #palestine #israel palestine tensions #israel palestine conflict #israel palestine war #palestine deserves to be free #free israel from hamas #free israel from terrorism #free palestine #free israel #PRO PEACE

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wild-at-mind · 25 days

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I don't want to be shitty to younger people on tumblr and in social justice spaces (teens and early 20s) and their absolutism and black and white thinking because I totally was like that too. I absolutely loved that thing where someone said something bad about a tumblr user and then you could act like everything they said was suspect forever. It was so convenient, to put things neatly into boxes. Social justice on here was very different back then, this would have been the early 2010s and a lot of it was about cultural appropriation vs appreciation. I think that is a very important conversation but this too was very black and white. I noticed that the only person injecting any nuance was an activist in her 40s I used to follow. Through her I learned also that some topics are really loaded for certain people but others might not feel the same because of different life experiences, even if they were the same ethnic group encountering the same type of potential appropriation. She got me primed for nuance I would later need, when my brain flat out stopped letting me deal with black and white thinking after my breakdown in 2015 and the fallout going up till 2017 and beyond. It's only now that I am really getting better. With occassional lapses. (Like when people on here were lauding protest suicide, that messed with my brain so much. Activists like the one I used to follow who don't like that kind of thinking, or the bloodthirstiness of a lot of the 'activism' shit on here, leave tumblr. They do, because it is shit here. You can get attacked for opposing the violence and self flaggelation in the rhetoric on here. By people you broadly agree with!!)

I think the reason youth tends to come with this kind of thinking is because they haven't seen it happen many times before and not lead to revolution. I can only assume that there really are people using social media to make young people interested in activism think that accelerationism is the only pure policy- by not doing things that might make things slightly better, society will be forced to fall and revolutionise into something much better. That means you don't become impure in the eyes of some internet strangers who don't give a fuck about you as a person, which is important to most people especially younger ones who haven't found their 'people' yet- everyone wants to be accepted. So you wait, years and years, the revolution doesn't happen. Things get worse in many ways, but it's never worse enough for society to fall. Because it won't. Or I guess probability means statistically, it could. But the older you get, the less likely it seems. What will you do?

I think the only thing that helped me out of this headspace was meeting people in real life who believed the same things as me, but who I disagreed with slightly. I found out oh wait, I do not have to do as the internet says and cast these people out. I can slightly disagree on how ideally an issue should be handled and that is ok. Now, many years later, I'm reclaiming my right to think the way I do, and to not trick myself into thinking I am a way I am not. The way my brain works may not be how my friend's brain works, but I can trust she won't reject me because I find JK Rowling's opinions offensive but don't find content dunking on her interesting in any way. Because she's my friend, and at the end of the day we share the same values.

To someone not online I don't think this stuff would make sense at all. Sadly I'm too weak to not be online, and I have this long background of being in that space which influences all the pushback with myself I've had to do. Its hard to get rid of that history, and hard to ignore the posting on here that seems to validate things that people living with OCD cannot put stock in (e.g. your feelings and thoughts are objectively real and also show what kind of person you really are- absolutely not something we can accept and still live with ourselves.) But I have to do it. I have to keep living. I have to believe that would be a net good. If I can't stay offline, maybe by writing this stuff it will help me and others who think like me.

My top tips for when you realise society isn't falling and won't just reset and come back better:

Join IRL activists, support their actions, plan actions with them. Get used to the variety of shapes activism takes. Talk with them about the things you disagree with. Your ability to ally with people you slightly disagree with but agree on most issues is the number 1 way you become set apart from internet-based activism.

Be suspicious of anyone promoting inaction as activism. (Yes that's about the not voting people.) You don't become impure if you vote for the candidate who is the least shit, or has the most chance of getting in and making things less shit. That's OCD thinking that for some reason has become mainstream on tumblr among non-sufferers and sufferers alike.

Posting on tumblr doesn't matter. I have seen people who convinced themselves it did go down conspiracy rabbit holes very easily. (You know- 'they are trying to silence us because of the importance of our posting!' and then it spirals from there)

People trying to guilt and shame you into doing certain things, such as rejecting your long-term mental health, or tell you that if you feel like shit all the time it's a good thing somehow- stay away from that thinking like its infectious. The most effective activism comes from people who are in an ok place mentally so they can plan and work together, not people who feel like them feeling ok is bad or offensive somehow and are making snap decisions based on this. You feeling bad doesn't help anyone.

#morality based ocd #ocd and activism #ocd and politics #leftism and ocd #existing with ocd on the left #unproofread sorry

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sunnydalestudies · 3 months

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992) Whedon's Version

Part 1/3: Changes to the Script and Story

When discussing BtVS, many people often focus solely on the show without considering what the additional media has to offer. There are comics, accompanying novels, and even a prequel film that many people forget about. Indeed, the world’s first introduction to Buffy happened in 1992 with the movie starring Kristen Swanson, and that is where I want to start.

Joss Whedon claims that the character of Buffy Summers had been with him for a long time, but when he sold his script to Sandollar in 1991, he was not pleased with the results. Whether it was Fran Rubel Kuzui as director, the 20th Century Fox executives, the actors changing their lines, or whatever else that made the changes, the original script and the film we can watch now are not quite the same. Here, I will highlight some critical changes that change how we interpret the film.

First, the film made various changes to the script’s dialogue, which impacted jokes, foreshadowing, and misogynistic conversations. Thankfully, in the audience’s first introduction to Buffy, the film preserves Whedon’s dialogue. Buffy’s Valley Girl persona is alive and well, and we see her as the popular, air-headed, hilarious, and beautiful character all fans love. The dialogue in this scene is beautifully Whedon: full of quick-witted and fast-paced jokes and slang. Although I can’t say that I support Whedon in any way, I have to say that dialogue is one of his greatest strengths. That is why it is so disappointing when, shortly after, Buffy makes an unimpressive joke about doing her homework. In the script, Buffy says to Cassandra, “there’s a lot cooler things that you could be doing than your homework,” to which Cassandra asks, “like what,” and Buffy replies, “like my homework.” In the movie, as they are making plans, Buffy instead says, “I don’t know, guys. I really wanna get a head start on my homework,” which her friends laugh at. Despite this being a minute change to the script, it is disappointing to see alterations that waste Whedon’s writing and replace it with a subpar joke.

A more meaningful dialogue change appears when Buffy and her friends first run into Pike and Benny in the movie theatre. After Benny shushes the chatting group of girls, Buffy predicts the plot so he doesn’t have to follow as closely: “everyone gets horribly killed except the blonde girl in the nightie, who finally kills the monster with a machete but it’s not really dead.” It’s a simple plot summary of several popular horror films, but what is telling here is what it says about Buffy and the Buffyverse. Firstly, this explanation loosely foreshadows the rest of the movie by portraying what will happen at the dance: many students are horribly killed except the blonde girl in a white dress, who finally kills Lothos and Amilyn, but Lothos lamely covering his face and Amilyn’s overly dramatic flailing around the basement after Buffy stakes them indicate they might not be dead—although this may be due to the fans of the series expecting them to dust, and he does dust in the script, so it was probably due to the film’s low budget since the dusting effect was surprisingly pricey. Secondly, this knowing explanation displays Buffy’s intelligence. She may not be classically book-smart, but Buffy’s intelligence concerning pop culture and social situations gives her the upper hand throughout the film, show, and comics. This intelligence leads to my third point: Buffy exemplifies many contradictory horror tropes. Whedon founded the character of Buffy on the subversion of the trope of the blonde girl walking into the alley and getting attacked. In his version, the girl is who wins. Alongside this trope, this film also plays with those of the ‘final girl’ and ‘promiscuous blonde girl who gets killed off first.’ Whedon also plays with these tropes in his horror satire film Cabin in the Woods(2012), which is a trope lover’s delight, but he only uses the tropes there rather than subverting them. Only in the Buffyverse do we see the intersection of these two tropes: the promiscuous (and yes, film Buffy is promiscuous) blonde girl evolving into the final girl, becoming the one to outsmart the bad guys, not despite her initial airheadedness, but because of it, using her social skills and catty attitude to save the day. At first glance, this is a simple line, but it holds layers of meaning, and it is too bad that the film omits it.

Before moving on from dialogue, I want to touch on a few instances of misogynistic language and actions in the script and film. In the scene where Buffy kisses her boyfriend in his car by laying across his friend’s lap with her butt in his face, the friend calls the boyfriend a ‘pushover’ for spending time with her and asks to ‘borrow’ Buffy. In the script, the friend calls him ‘pussy-whipped,’ and Buffy remains silent after this comment, but the film changes this term, and Buffy displays more agency as she voices her discontent at this comment. The scene remains uncomfortable and gross, but the changes make it slightly easier to digest. An exchange from the script that the film thankfully omitted appears a little later when Buffy runs into her absentee mother in the kitchen, who asks her, “have you gained a few pounds? maybe it’s that outfit,” before asking what her boyfriend will think about it. This type of exchange is not atypical for the 90s, but I am still glad they decided to take it out. Finally, near the end of the film, a piece of dialogue I believe they should have removed is when Buffy steals a man’s motorcycle after he hits on her, to which he responds by calling her a ‘dyke.’ This homophobia is prevalent in 90s movies—take a look at Bring It On (1999) to see a horrific example—but it is still disappointing to see that Whedon wrote this line, especially considering the empowering lesbian characters he would later write.

As much as these changes to the dialogue can impact our understanding of the film, the plot is also significantly changed, and even the script’s first scene is completely absent from the film. Perhaps the first rule of any form of storytelling is that a successful story shows rather than tells. Yet, the film decides to tell us. Whedon’s script opens with a historical twist on the ‘blonde girl walks into a dark alleyway, gets attacked, wins’ horror genre subversion as a ‘dark ages’ barmaid saves a knight from a vampire before a group of vampires, including Lothos, kills her, and a watcher explains the slayer line to the next chosen one. The film, instead, skips this first scene and delivers the exposition by voiceover, which is not an inherently negative way to contextualize, but the hook—and the entire idea of slayers—is lost in these opening moments. Fans watching the film today are likely familiar with the concept of slayers and how it all works, but this context is bland and forgettable for those who may not be familiar with Whedon's world-building.

The most notable alteration to Whedon’s script appears in Buffy’s first meeting with Lothos and Merrick’s death. If you are a fan of the series, you would know that Merrick’s death greatly impacted Buffy and is a primary reason she claims to be ‘retired’ in the first episode: because she lost him and blames herself for it. Interestingly, Whedon’s version of this scene in the script is more fast-paced and nearly emotionless. In fact, in Whedon’s version, Merrick brings a gun to confront Lothos while Buffy hides in the shadows, and just as Lothos is about to attack Merrick, Merrick shoots himself in the head and dies instantly. The script skims over this formative experience for Buffy while the film depicts a tender moment and explains why Buffy blames herself. In the film, Merrick is the one hiding in the shadows as Lothos hypnotizes Buffy, and as Lothos is about to bite her, Merrick rushes out with a knife, which Lothos quickly turns on Merrick and stabs him in the chest. Buffy then cradles Merrick as he dies, and he tells her, “remember about the music. Listen. When the music stops, the rest is…” before trailing off and passing away. I will feature the use of guns in the Buffyverse and Donald Sutherland’s changes to his dialogue in future posts, but this line is vital to the plot yet absent from the script. In the film, Merrick’s last words allow Buffy to tune out Lothos’ voice and focus on the silence to resist being hypnotized, ultimately allowing her to beat him, but it is entirely absent from the script. I cannot say why the film added this line of dialogue, but I believe the touching final moment that Merrick and Buffy share is an incredible addition that humanizes the characters and solidifies Merrick as an essential influence in Buffy’s life.

There are a lot of differences between the script and the final film, ranging from alterations to dialogue to changes in setting, all the way to reconstructing plot points. The script was Whedon’s making, but ultimately, he lost control over the final project once he sold it; thus, is it his? Is the film canonical? How does it fit with the series? I am glad they made some of these changes while disappointed with others, but in the end, however you feel about this film as part of the Buffyverse, it is an incredibly entertaining piece of 90s media that I would recommend to Buffy fans and non-fans alike.

That’s that for this Sunnydale study session!

Liz

#buffythevampireslayer #buffy #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy summers #buffyverse #btvs #buffy movie #buffystudies

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sixty-silver-wishes · 6 days

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Reading Junji Ito's "Billions Alone" from a post-lockdown, culturally individualist perspective

Today, I met up with some local writers at a cafe/comic shop for some group discussion and writing. One of them is a fiction writer like myself; the other is a video essayist. Since becoming more involved in the local artistic scene, both as an artist and a writer, I feel like my mental health has been improving, at least when it comes to my personal life- I'm building a circle of like-minded creatives, surrounding myself with others who have similar beliefs and interests as me. As I'm finding community in the creative scene, however, I'm also realizing that many people I'm meeting feel much of the same way.

At the writers' meeting, while we discussed our stories, our goals, and our writing challenges, the idea of "third spaces" also frequently came up as well. My video essayist friend was talking about a new project studying how public infrastructure is designed to favor drivers over pedestrians, and we all agreed on something that I've been hearing many times in online circles- the internet itself is changing. Despite social media platforms supposedly promising to bring people together, they've only become more isolating as they've become more corporate, AI, and algorithm-driven. We talked how lots of online users are returning to the "old internet," forming their own blogs and seeking an escape from the increasingly stifling major platforms. We discussed how while everything is filled with SEO and short-form content, nobody actually likes TikTok or Instagram, but they've become so ingrained in online society that we tolerate them, using them to promote our small businesses or connect with others.

After the meeting, I decided to look around the comic store, and was drawn to a copy of Junji Ito's manga collection, Venus in the Blind Spot. I'd become a Junji Ito fan way back in college, and his art style has had a big influence on my own work. While I also take heavy inspiration from styles like Expressionism and New Objectivity, and artists such as Edward Gorey and Stephen Gammell, Junji Ito's painstaking pen-and-ink hatching, bulging eyeballs, and grotesque faces have played a distinct role in my artistic growth. However, I didn't own any of his mangas (having read some online), but I'd been wanting to get one so I could study his art style up close. I ended up buying Venus, and after my conversation with my writer friends, it was strangely coincidental that the first story in the collection was Billions Alone.

Junji Ito's Billions Alone tells the story of Michio, a reclusive young man who has a crush on his former classmate, Natsuko. Natsuko is planning a school reunion, and invites Michio to reconnect and meet her new friend group. Meanwhile, a mysterious series of mass murders have been taking place, as a group called "Billions Alone" appears to be killing people en masse and sewing their bodies together. As Michio and Natusko's friends are killed and the heaps of bodies grow bigger and bigger, the public is warned not to form gatherings, and to isolate from one another. Eventually, Michio sees military planes that he thinks are attacking Billions Alone aircrafts, but are actually dropping pamphlets about "coming together" onto the town. As he thinks the government is finally taking action against the murders, he goes to tell Natusko, only to see her sewing the bodies of her family together, implying that the murders have not been carried out by an organized crime group as suspected, but rather civilians being compelled or brainwashed into killing each other. I've seen analyses before that Billions Alone is a commentary on Japan's collectivist culture, and that many of Junji Ito's works critique different aspects of Japanese culture- for instance, Gyo has been interpreted as a metaphor for the Japanese government's denial of atrocities committed by Japan during WW2, such as in Nanking, China, while My Dear Ancestors has been read as a criticism of the concept of filial piety. While these interpretations are certainly fascinating, I admittedly don't know enough about Japanese culture to properly analyze Ito's works from that lens, and will leave that up to people more knowledgeable than I am. However, coming from the United States, which has a heavily individualist culture as opposed to collectivism, Billions Alone resonated with me in a different way, especially after the Covid lockdowns and the increasing isolation of people, ironically in part due to the internet, which has simultaneously allowed people to "come together" and drive them apart.

Before I get into my thoughts on Billions Alone from my own cultural perspective, I want to add a disclaimer- just because Covid lockdowns are over doesn't mean that Covid itself is over. People still get the disease, it's still contagious, and it's still deadly. If you're sick and going out in public, it's common decency to wear a mask; public health is still important. This analysis is not anti-mask or anti-lockdown, but does discuss the social and psychological effects of lockdowns. I'd also like to say that when I call myself "culturally individualist," I mean that I come from an individualist culture, not that I consider individualism to be a superior ideology; both individualism and collectivism have their pros and cons. That being said, back to Junji Ito.

One thing that stood out to me the most in Billions Alone is the way the concepts of togetherness vs. isolation are framed in both positive and negative ways. Natsuko is a very social character; she has a friend group, a fiancee, and is planning the school reunion. She's also the only character shown sewing people together at the end. Meanwhile, Michio is very isolated; he's spent the last seven years at home. He misses Natsuko at the beginning of the story, and while he wants to confess his feelings towards her, while he's been shut up in his house, she's found someone else she loves. Togetherness prevents social death, but it also means physical death. Isolation means mental anguish and loneliness, but it also means survival.

The characters in Billions Alone both crave and are terrified of togetherness. As they're ordered to stay separated by the authorities, many young people, including the main characters, ignore the orders to gather in groups. This definitely brought the Covid lockdowns to mind for me; like the characters in the manga, to protect ourselves and the people we loved, we had to avoid gathering with them. Michio thinks that by the end, the Japanese government "finally" decides to take action combatting Billions Alone, but only after the death toll has become impossible to ignore and increasingly large masses of bodies begin to appear in public spaces. Worse yet, the planes he sees are in the control of Billions Alone, dropping propaganda to even more people (this page points out they're possibly an allusion to Allied planes during WW2; the allusion to John Lennon's music on the radio also makes a possible case for an analysis of the Billions Alone group symbolizing western globalization, but that's a study for another time). Notably, the bodies don't appear in workplaces or the home, but rather in "third spaces"- public parks, hiking trails, and areas being used for parties, like the school reunion. To survive, people must avoid these places, leading them to become more and more isolated. Natsuko's desire for social connection leads her to continue with the reunion despite Michio's insistence, justifying it as a "memorial" for the members of her friend group. However, the auditorium is empty, and she and Michio are confronted with a large web of bodies.

Looking at Ito's (frankly amazing) drawings of the corpses (I found myself analyzing his use of hatching and texture in every single one), I was reminded of the discussion my friends and I had about the modern Internet. In the story, technology is shown as a way to keep people connected while isolating from each other; Michio watches the news on the television for updates, calls Natsuko on the phone, and reads online forums to see what people are saying about the murders. But, as in real life, technology is not a substitute for social interaction, and while people can communicate and receive information over long distances while being isolated, they still continue to gather, despite knowing about the murders. They increasingly rely on technology, but still crave connection, enough to risk their lives for it; even Michio, who is used to being alone, says he wouldn't mind being sewn to his crush Natsuko as he ventures to see her again despite the risks. It's a line that was probably intended to be humorous, but speaks to the fact that even for him, there's only so much isolation he can take. When he sees the military planes, she's the first person he goes to talk to- if not the only person he knows who's still alive.

Overall, I think there's a lot to analyze with Billions Alone, and while I saw some people on the internet also drawing parallels with the Covid lockdowns like I did, I think what we can interpret from it in terms of the long-term increasing isolation of society- while we paradoxically "come together" with the internet- and the disappearance of third spaces is just as interesting. Like my friends and I in the comic store today, the characters are desperate for connection, and lament not being able to have it. Even if isolation may help them survive, they ultimately fall victim to their desire to live.

#analysis #media analysis #junji ito #manga #billions alone #army of one

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good-old-gossip · 23 days

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During its forced evacuation of civilians, Israeli army kills 12 members of same family for no reason

Palestinian Territory - Twelve civilians were killed and three others were injured in a direct and deliberate attack by Israel on 4 December 2023, for no reason, a Euro-Med Human Rights Monitor investigation conducted over the past months has revealed.

In the first week of December 2023, activists shared a video clip on social media that depicts a group of people—including women and children—lying on the ground by a cart on a Gaza City street. The Euro-Med Monitor teamcaptured the video and visited the targeted site to ascertain its characteristics and attempt to identify the victims, who appeared to be civilians.

Euro-Med Monitor field investigations into this incidenthave identified the victims as civilian members of the Abu Al-Ain family. The victims were targeted twice by two missiles fired by an Israeli drone in a non-conflict zone, which directly hit them as they were in the process of being displaced.

According to the findings, the Israeli army killed 12members of the Abu Al-Ain family—including five women and four children—and injured three more—a man, his child, and an elderly woman.

At around 3 pm on 4 December 2023, two missiles fired by Israeli drones, several minutes apart, targeted a group of civilians belonging to the Abu al-Ain family. The family members were in the Unknown Soldier’s Square, in the west of Gaza City, at the start of the street leading north, to the Friends of the Patient Hospital. The civilians had been forced to relocate westward on a horse-drawn cart from their home in the neighbourhood of Al-Daraj, after their house was hit by Israeli artillery shells.

The first missile claimed the lives of Yusra Muhammad Shehta Abu Al-Ain - Al-Dalu, 30, and her two children, Muhammad, 12, and Mira, 6. Moments later, another missile was fired, killing Mahmoud Muhammad Abu Al-Ain, 33, his wife Ghadeer Muhammad Al-Dawahidi, 30, their child Eileen, 6, and his two sisters Yara Muhammad Shaaban Abu Al-Ain, 33, and Badriya Muhammad Abu Al-Ain, 33, as well as her husband Hazem Hamdi Al-Jamali, 51. Fahima Rabah Abu Al-Ain, 58, was also killed, along with her son Saqr Yahya Abu Al-Ain, 20, and her grandson Fayez Ahmed Arqeq, 7.

The injured include Shaaban Muhammad Shaaban Abu Al-Ain, 36, who lost his sight in one eye, had his right hand amputated, and had shrapnel all over his body; his 10-year-old child Abdullah, who suffered injuries from shrapnel in his right hand and below his eye and chest; and Nima Rabah Awad Abu Al-Ain, 60, a chronically ill woman who suffers from multiple diseases and was injured by shrapnel in her left hand and other parts of her body.

Following two hours of bombing in the area, the three injured and nine dead were taken to Al-Shifa Hospital, in the west of Gaza City, via a civilian car and animal-drawn vehicles. There, the dead were buried alongside other displaced victims in a mass grave near the hospital’s eastern gate. Those buried include Yusra Abu Al-Ain and her two children, Muhammad and Mira; Ghadeer Muhammad Al-Dawahidi and her child, Eileen; Fahima Abu Al-Ain and son, Saqr, plus her grandson, Fayez; and Yara Muhammad Abu Al-Ain. As for the rest, they were buried in Al-Sidra cemetery in the Daraj neighbourhood.

Shaaban Abu Al-Ain, 36, who survived the attack and whose wife Yusra was killed along with their two children, Muhammad and Mira, spoke with the Euro-Med team.According to Al-Ain, the family was forced to evacuate from their Al-Daraj home in a vehicle towards his brother Mahmoud’s X-ray clinic, where they had decided to take temporary shelter. “I asked the family to wait while I went to prepare the clinic, which was around 150 metres away,” he explained.

Al-Ain stated: “I was shocked to [hear an explosion]coming from a bombing that was occurring in the same direction as my family. As I rushed the area, I noticed another missile heading toward them, which struck my brother’s family and other family members directly, injuring me at the same time.

“We spent at least two hours with the bodies on the ground before being taken to Al-Shifa Hospital in animal-drawn cars and a civilian car after the Israeli army bombed the ambulances at the scene,” Al-Ain continued. “Later, we, the injured, were transferred to the Baptist Hospital in Gaza[City].”

Four of the nine family members’ remains were found in a mass grave in Al-Shifa Hospital’s courtyard on 7 May2024. The victims who were found and reburied in Al-Sidra cemetery were Ghadeer Muhammad Al-Dawahidi and her child, Eileen Mahmoud Abu Al-Ain, as well as Muhammad Shaaban Abu Al-Ain and Yara Muhammad Abu Al-Ain. The remains of the remaining victims have not yet been located.

Euro-Med Monitor’s investigation has confirmed that theIsraeli army had no reason to target the civilians, as there were no fighters among them and no military targets in the area. As a result, Euro-Med Monitor concludes that thefamily members were killed deliberately in the context of Israeli crimes against civilians, i.e. were targeted simply because they were Palestinians in the Gaza Strip during Israel’s crime of genocide, ongoing since 7 October 2023.

Field teams from Euro-Med Human Rights Monitor are diligently and retroactively documenting war crimes, including planned killings of civilians throughout the Gaza Strip. The Israeli army has committed hundreds of crimes, the details of which are still unknown due to the ongoing Israeli invasion and attacks.

An urgent need remains for the swift formation of an international investigation committee, and experts must be sent to the Strip to investigate the genocide unfolding thereand to collect evidence before it is destroyed by Israel.

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yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit · 1 month

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Idk who needs to hear this but uh... Criminals and organized crime aren't special back-woods exceptions of people out there who magically do not go online or have internet. I don't mean this in a "be wary" kind of way either. I intend it as general cultural and situational awareness.

Everyone currently getting away with massive fraud, running and making drugs, actual human trafficking, actual grave robbing and various high profile thefts, crimes against children, profiteering etc... are ALSO just some guy on the internet who's probably scrolling social media and seeing largely the same posts as you.

Same with many celebrities and rich people, btw...

I am starting to get the impression that the average internet user assumes these people exist in a fully separate world, so if I or anyone refers to these groups of people in a post in language that directly addresses them, it is assumed we are simply likening another group to them to be dramatic and make a strawman of them, instead of taking what we are saying the way it is meant, literally and at face value.

For example, if I go on a post by an Egyptologist, and agree with them about Egyptian curses, and then -for example- go on to say that anyone removing things from tombs disrespectfully or in a way that isn't meant to conserve culture [names and identities etc], ie; actual grave robbers, are the ones who have to worry about curses and should "put it back"... I do not know why the base assumption being made is that I am calling Egyptologists grave robbers, instead of say, addressing people actually taking artifacts from sites without proper clearance and cooperation from the relevant government and cultures. You know, actual grave robbers, who actually exist, are committing an actual crime, and do in fact use the internet and see posts because I don't think most criminals operating in international markets can afford to not be internet literate. You utter fucking tumbleweeds [and to such a degree I had to block about 100 people to get the anon bullshit out of my inbox].

The only reason I can come up with for this kind of misunderstanding happening on various topics, is to think the base assumption being made is that the groups I am actually referring to or turning to address directly for a moment, are being assumed to not actually exist or be present in order to be addressed... And that the person getting sensitive is also insecure about being lumped in with that group for some reason [possibly legitimate or not depending on the circumstances], to the point that their reading comprehension starts to fail.

I think it would help reading comprehension and social media literacy in general if more people were to understand that a certain percentage of a post or reply is phrased in a way that is also meant to be seen by the general public, and EVERYONE that public contains, including fringe individuals.

Similarly, even when you are replying to a friend over a topic, you are ALSO generally phrasing it as something that will be seen by a general audience, and specifically by other people who generally hold similar political views as them. Otherwise you'd just be DMing each other.

So taking every side note and incidental phrasing as if it is intended as a deeply personal accusation, attack or criticism, instead of something said to be really clear to a wider audience with a lot of potential viewpoints and sticking points... Is a little fucking weird.

When I am replying to someone in public, I am replying to them, but also generally for the benefit of the audience, unless it's very personal joking around, casual back and forth or said in notes and sometimes tags [before they became the accepted way to comment at all].

If I get into explaining weird caveats, it isn't because I assume THEY or OP needs me to, it is because SOMEONE in the audience, including said fringe or exceptional individuals, might benefit from the added information, or might be someone I am just taking the opening to address because a subject came up in a public place.

Every time I get into an argument online, it really seems like the other person is mad because they are taking absolutely everything I am saying as if it is personally directed at only them for only their benefit and just *happens* to be taking place in front of strangers.

And it is deeply weird to me that they view the interaction that way to begin with, when to me -dare I say to most- that is antithetical to sites like tumblr being a public forum instead of a network of DMs.

So I just wanted to check in, and make sure, that everyone actually realizes that EVERYONE in the general public, some representation of pretty much every group you can imagine, has access to the internet and uses it regularly as some random user. The internet is truly the MOST public and varied space you can imagine. You need to understand that a lot of people make and reply to posts as if their audience is potentially that general, because they ARE generally aware of this.

There are organ traffickers on your posts right now, there are government officials, there are people who have illegally bought or sold ivory or human bones, there are doctors, republicans, lawyers, people who just woke up and are on their 20th day of consecutive brain fog, mycology enthusiasts, sex workers, steel workers, school teachers and their worst nightmares, there might even be a cop or two, there are murders, house wives, and violent rapists, there are literal children and people ranging up to the human limits of age. There are geologists, people you went to school with and people from every other country in the world. There are people who buy and sell human fingernails. You probably shouldn't continue being this online if you cannot internalize that.

The internet can feel like a series of closed safe corners, but the thing is that the doors are perpetually open to everyone you can imagine. We are all of us tossed in together and arguing over pokemon types and whether or not some groups of humans are okay to dehumanize. When you address the room, you are addressing all of them. When you are addressing op or another user, you are also doing it at all of them. All of these people each get that post up on their dash and read it as intimately and often as personally as you do as if it was served up to them, because it was, it came up on their dash just like it came up on yours.

Hope that helps <3

#psa

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heartlandians · 1 year

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EXCLUSIVE: 'A gay guy should play a gay guy': Heartland star Aidan Moreno believes it's no longer 'authentic' for a straight actor to take on an LGBTQ+ character

Aidan Moreno believes straight actors should 'step aside and let the gay and trans community represent themselves'.

The actor, who plays the first LGBTQ+ character Rick on the hit Netflix show Heartland, said he doesn't think it is 'authentic' for a show to have a straight individual play a gay role.

He explained he understands when a 'big lead actor' takes on a gay role because it can 'bring awareness' to the LGBTQ+ community.

In an exclusive interview with MailOnline, Aidan revealed how he feels about straight actors playing gay roles.

He said: 'I would say I'm leaning towards a gay guy should play a gay guy. This is a weird one because I understand how some characters need a straight actor because it adds more of a platform and focus to gay stories.

'But now I think we are in a place where we should step a side and let gay and trans represent their own community through their own voice.

'Same with any minority its all well and good having diversity but if its a straight white man at the top making those decisions and writing the script its still coming through from a straight white man's lens.

'We have to try and make sure every level, for whatever group we are representing, is involved so whether that is a gay actor playing the gay role I think they need to be as much involved as possible.

'Otherwise you're playing a stereotype and it wont be authentic which I think in this day and age it needs to be.'

Following Aidan joining Heartland four seasons ago, his role has introduced storylines such as gay marriage and adoption.

The Netflix series has received lots of positive feedback from fans but these important storylines have unfortunately raised homophobic commentary which has been difficult for Aidan to stomach.

He said: 'It was really hard at first but I think I've built up such a tough skin from my background of growing up on a council estate in the Midlands. It wasn't until I was 19 or 20 years old I came out, so I'm used to the homophobic comments anyways.'

The actor added that he found it a struggle to 'separate himself from the character' due to his role being similar to his real life.

He continued: 'It made the experience very difficult reading the comments because I love social media and interacting with the majority of the show's fans but I couldn't separate myself from the character.

'Even though I'm playing a character, a lot of that role is who I am and represents me and that is how I know it is so important for any gay kid watching the show.

'When people attack Rick they are attacking the entire LGBTQ community they are saying you are not accepted.

'It is such a shame and it is surprising it still exists. I really thought we had come so much further.

'I'm trying to remain better not bitter but it is very hard and it does get to me. It's so easy to focus on the negatives sometimes and I think we all do that on social media but we have to learn to flip that switch and focus on the positives.'

Netflix is set to drop season 16 of Heartland later this month and Aidan revealed fans will see a 'more vulnerable side' to his role.

The actor said he thinks 'it is pretty iconic for the writers to take such a risk' with his character in the new series.

He said: 'I'm really excited for it to come out because we shot it last summer, my mum and grandparents are like, "when can we see it?, I think half of my friends don't believe I'm actually on the tele.

'I think fans are definitely going to see a more vulnerable side to my character this season. With him being the first LGBTQ+ character in the shows 16 years history I think it is pretty iconic for the writers to take that risk with my character.

'I think with the first two or three seasons that I've been in it's been a caricature leaning into the general queer characters we see on TV its there for comedy and its never the hero story.

'This year they have wanted to show the more humanity level of Rick, we will see him possibly adopting a baby.

'We are going to be introduced to his on screen husband because that has been alluded for two years and it's been like "well where is he?" We will see a different side of him there and he will take charge in the work place as well.'

When he first landed the role, Aidan thought it was just 'a throw away character' but he now sees it as a 'responsibility to use his voice' to allow families watching the show to have open conversations about sexuality.

He believes that the show network 'is very inclusive and diverse' but the reason it took so long to introduce a gay character to Heartland was down to the 'very toxic masculine environment' of rodeos, cowboys and cowgirls.

Aidan explained: 'I think the network is very inclusive and diverse but this show in particular is specific to a western culture that is a very masculine and also a toxic masculine environment, so I think they had to tread very very carefully.

'Also I think people in those communities who are part of LGBTQ have never had many characters they could draw upon.

'More and more we need to push to be able to see us in every situation so people feel comfortable and safe coming out in those communities. We've come a long way but people still need to do a hell of a lot better.'

Heartland officially started filming season 17 on Monday and Aidan added that he hopes Rick will develop further 'to be the hero in that gay kid's living room instead of the side piece or best friend'.

Heartland Season 16 will be released on Netflix across the UK, Ireland, and Australia on May 17.

Source

#heartland #aidan moreno #interview #daily mail #representation #lgbtq+#social media

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vro0m · 4 months

Note

Hiiiii

So I’ve discovered what I found familiar and disliked about the interactions from your anon with the negative views and parasocial thing re:Lewis

Team LH on twt keep involving themselves in places that aren’t LH friendly and demand that others share their views which is nonsensical because if these ppl hate LH why are you engaging with them

They complain about ppl mentioning LH for clicks and then they respond and quote twts providing engagement and furthering the reach of these ppl

This part here is an assumption but if I had to deal with racism and discrimination on work (within f1) unprovoked and then my fans keep adding fire to those flames via sm engagement I might just spend less time on sm since I’m not about to quit my job

LH seems like the kind of person that would focus on making changes in areas he can control (sm, vacation activities, privacy etc)

Anyway I’m rambling now but yeah…..team LH complain about everything but engage with the very same ppl and articles they should ignore and it’s very pessimistic and argumentative behaviour

Hi! So there's a few things here. I wanna start by saying although you're taking Team LH as an example I think it's important to recognize that this isn't specific to them, nor F1.

I've had a twitter account for more than a decade – I don't engage with F1 content there myself, I'm just not interested – and I see very similar behaviour in my timeline although it's not fandom-based at all but queers and leftists and feminists and generally cool people and/or my friends. They tend to quote tweets that make them react (which is the equivalent of pointing directly at someone in front of your group of friends and saying look how stupid this guy is basically) and that makes other people react and so on and that's just how twitter is built. That's how twitter works. Twitter's foundation IS people yelling at each other. Is it stupid? Absolutely. But that's genuinely just what this platform is about and how interactions happen there most of the time. (Also not just there tbc I've seen such things happen here on tumblr and on every social media but twitter absolutely favours this more than any other social media).

And then you add fan behaviour on top of that and yeah. A lot of people tend to engage and get into fights about what or who they like and that's a human thing that's then sometimes magnified by parasociality and just. The fact that you're generally invested, you know? You invest time, and energy, and most of all emotions into a person, or a band, or an actor/actress, or a topic or whatever, that means something to you and that makes you feel something. And ultimately being a fan of something tends to be a bit of a foggy self-identification process, right? It becomes a part of you. So when people attack it, it feels like they're attacking you, they're judging you, because you don't like the right thing the right way, and it feels personal and so you feel the need to defend it because you feel the need to defend yourself for what you like and how you like it. It's an emotional thing. I think it's easy to get caught up in that. I remember how personally I took it when people made fun of things that I liked and projected myself into and made me feel joy at some points in my life. That's why I don't blame Anon from the other day. Because it's not easy to detach from what other people think of what we like and what we do and ultimately of who we are. Maybe I'm getting a bit deep about this but you get what I mean : people get emotional about stuff they like and identify with.

Still I think it's always important although maybe not always easy to try to be a bit meta about things and take a step back and be like okay wait a minute because how did I get here at first I was just enjoying this cool thing and sharing my enjoyment with people and now I'm anxious and angry what is this about and how do I get back to the part where it's nice and joyful? Because that thing that made you feel good should make you feel good.

Good luck trying to explain that to fucking twitter though.

#vro0m's asks

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fandomsoda · 6 months

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Let's play a game! Spot the difference!

Look at the replies in these two posts.

https://www.tumblr.com/a-god-selfmade/735285489689608192/you-ever-apologize-and-then-get-absolutely?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/largefound/734626740408893440/announcement-related-with-the-vent?source=share

What's something they have in common? You.

What's something they don't they have in common? You being a decent human being who can feel for others.

Before you attack an innocent person again, Largefound did not send me.

First, you completely ignore people trying to help you keep safe from Skeletal. You were told things about him, with proof, but you're blinded by favoritism.

Secondly, take a minute to breathe. Emotions are weird, I know, but you can at least take a little snack break instead of just immediately yelling at people about emotions you haven't processed.

For once, can childish people like you and Skeletal not fuck things up? I've sent you both asks before, being polite, but I don't have fucking time for that anymore. Fuck you and Skeletal for being such attention whores.

Get your unloyal ass off social media, you fake ass bitch. This is meant to be somewhere safe, don't fuck it up.

I was going to ignore/delete this one just like all your other asks, but I know from experience that you will only continue to harass me and will use my silence against me, so I will respond.

Long post ahead boys, strap in.

Ok so I’ll start with addressing the replies, since that’s the most genuine thing in this ask.

The second link you provided shows a reply I left 1-2 weeks ago and genuinely meant and still mean. I genuinely wish Large well, and as far as I am concerned we are cool.

The first one listed was made a few days ago very early in the morning and was made impulsively. My emotions got disregulated and so I assumed the worst. I am not proud of this comment and I would have deleted it if I had remembered it existed. Not to “cover my tracks” or any shit like that, but because that statement was genuinely hasty, unkind, and inconsiderate of me to make. And I regret it.

I actively want to move on and be cool with Large, I have reconciled my own anger and all the miscommunication from past events. I do not hold whatever happened here against them as that would be ridiculous for me to do considering I don’t actually know what happened and was just going off of Skeletal’s tags. I wasn’t gonna start a problem over this because that would just be shitty of me and make things worse.

One of these comments was absolutely wrong to make and doesn’t reflect my true feelings, but it doesn’t mean I somehow am not a decent human being or can’t feel for others, nor does it somehow prove me as “fake”. People feel differently about the same thing at different points in time depending on mindset and context.

Now allow me to tear into all your other statements/points because as far as I’m concerned the rest of this is bull.

Firstly I know damn well that Large didn’t send you because I know that Large is not ok with harassment and shit like this, several times offering to make posts to tell people like you to leave me alone. Also you say “again” and I’m not sure what you’re referring to, I don’t believe I’ve ever directly accosted someone about an ask I received on their behalf. Nor do I believe that you actually know anything about how this situation played out between the parties involved considering most of it was in private conversations.

Now let’s talk about Skeletal because y’all are really fucking disconnected on this one. (I say y’all because I know it’s not just you under these false beliefs)

Let me start off my saying your claims are just flat-out wrong. But let me elaborate on why. Firstly let me say that you actually never did give me proof, but I did see you give “proof” to someone else and it’s all garbage.

“Oh this person’s friend who is in the same/a similar age group, identity, and arts class sounds similar to them and has similar hobbies? That must mean they’re the same person and this friend isn’t real!”

Do you have any fucking idea how ridiculous that is.

I honesty will not believe you until you have like. Actual visual evidence of him planning to do this or whatever.

And as someone who was keeping tabs on Skeletal a lot beforehand and was there to watch their entire reaction to the situation unfold, it would make no logical sense for him to have done this.

They took the rejection pretty well all things considered and were behaving very stably before that happened. Skeletal was actively moving on and growing and showed no true resentment nor hostility towards Tundra about this.

And when I caught wind of the situation, I actually was very afraid that he had been responsible for this. I left void a bunch of messages out of worry, and when he got on that day his initial response was intense confusion and having no idea what I was talking about, with me soon being able to explain and say who was responsible. I watched him confront them. Skeletal still cared about Tundra, even after everything and it showed.

Until Tundra somehow managed to do a bunch of mental gymnastics and convince herself of this and you along with her.

But I know my son, I’ve talked to him about this whole situation several times, I’ve shown him your asks and accusations, and I am convinced that he isn’t capable of this. It isn’t impossible, but it’s highly unlikely and if it is true I will have been lied to over and over again to my face, I will be fucking devastated. But I don’t think it is. Because I don’t believe he’s capable of that.

I don’t need to be protected from Skeletal.

Now let me just go over the rest of this because wow-

It’s really amusing that you call me and Skeletal “attention whores” when we have been ACTIVELY AVOIDING/IGNORING YOU and have been trying to resolve our own damn personal issues calmly, responsibly, and privately. We want to move on, we want to put this to rest.

You are the one constantly begging for us to respond to you and pay attention to you and you’re the one being loud and immature. You are the only person keeping this shit going.

And you going from saying “I understand feelings can be hard” to calling me a “fake ass bitch” not three paragraphs later is downright comical honestly like what the hell dude-

I am not stirring up issues, I am not making this place more unsafe, I am just trying to live my life and you are the one showing up to hurl insults at me and antagonize me. You have not been polite, all of your asks have come off as underhanded and petty.

The people you’re trying to defend would NEVER approve of your behavior right now and they do not agree with you. Please relax.

This is also like. None of your business. That’s why I’ve avoided addressing you directly for so long, it’s because this isn’t you nor anyone else’s business. You are not involved, this is not your place.

You’ve been obsessing about me for what might be over a month now. That is not healthy. And I know that can’t feel good either. I know that rage, that anguish, that sickly cycle of thinking about that person several times a day. I know the feeling where the fact that you can’t speak to them directly causes you to start to construct a monster in your mind, how you start to subconsciously dehumanize them. I know that hatred, that grudge. And I hope you manage to let it go, let your malice melt away and reason take hold once more. Because holding grudges like that is painful and it’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Despite all of this I still do wish you the best. “The best” being that you get out of this unhealthy mindset and stop being so cruel. I know that you probably have a good heart, you just want to do what’s right and you view me as a monster. Therefore you want me slain. And that’s a feeling that I understand but is not one that will ever get you what you want in life.

I want to be clear that I don’t look down on you, I’m just upset at you and honestly scared of you. All of this has left me bewildered and upset. But I know that if I can grow and change, so can you. Even if I know that you’ll probably think I’m being disingenuous when I say that.

I wish you well, but as long as you are so spiteful and cruel I do not want you anywhere near me.

5 notes · View notes