#the process is a nightmare as well

[anguishmacgyver]

#stargate sg1 #stargate sg1 4x10 #nightmares #whump #whumpedit #well technically- #daniel jackson #i dont know how to tag this #startling awake #?? #help #also his lip is bloody #what's the story here #did he resist the memory alteration process whatever? #im very curious and i will entertain thoughts FOREVER

[sydsliftingface]

Hey guys! Top surgery is really hard! I find a lot of people sort of skip over how difficult major surgery is to go through because of course it’s worth it but !!!!!! Please!!!!!!! If this is a process you are considering going through PLEASE do all of your prep and research and be very prepared to go through an ordeal fr. This is no joke.

#and if you have sensory issues you are in for a straight up nightmare #and the complications are very real as well #make sure you have AT LEAST one or two people available to you most of the time for at least the first 2 weeks #I am so grateful to be where I am and it’s totally worth it in every way #I am so so happy to be free from my breasts fr #but I was blindsided and I was not properly informed of how intense a process this can be. #so please don’t go into this blind and naive. #and make sure you are receiving mental health support as well.

[somegrumpynerd]

Okay I’m going to sleep right after I post this but I need to write it down so I don’t forget

Does anyone know if there’s a canon way Killer got his name? Like other Sanses are usually named after their au (Horror, Fell, Outer, etc.) but his au is Something New, so did he choose it himself or was it given to him?

I’m only asking because I have a fun idea for my truce au about it

#UTDR #UTMV #Truce au #I find it hard to find info on Killer’s au since it was so long ago #And tumblr’s search feature is as functional as always #My idea for truce is that Nightmare named him #He didn’t mean to but he did #It was his first mortal okay it’s a learning process #Anyway I just wanna check there isn’t some major name-related character event I’m overriding #Well see y’all tomorrow night everyone o/

[firedjinni]

a puppet can be a creature too i think

(previously...)

#rain world #rainworld #iterators #headcanons #yeah these guys have a headcanon doc too lol #the process of making them is So Fucked Up #there's more in here that i couldnt fit but there should be some long term data storage parts as well. also some puppet models have “lungs” #or a sorta lower digestive tract #experimental designs! #the wiring in these things must be a nightmare... #ALSO: the muscle + camera eye thing is shamelessly yoinked from @spotsupstuff's headcanons because i really liked it lol #awful squishy meat machines my beloved...

[quiescentdestiny]

I wonder if Kevin ever thinks back to the Kathy Ferdinand show and how he actively forced Neil into the spotlight on live national TV, now that he knows everything and that was 100% a death sentence.

lmao he really sat there accusing Neil of not trying and that boy did the most.

I mean, he probably just straight up blocked that shit out since it went way down hill real quick for him, but you know, I'm just curious if he ever just sits there in intense guilt over that or not.

#my posts #aftg #like #look man it all worked out but jesus christ I would feel so intensely guilty #upon realizing I 100% set up the first domino of all this nonsense. #I'm not going to even include him recruiting him cause like Niel 100% could have refused that one and just never called them #and like it would be such a complicated thought process as well #because if Neil hadn't been there that show would have been 10x worse a nightmare for him #but Neil standing in between Kevin and Riko really did put the target on his back too. like man I'd spend so much time awake #thinking about it

[katyspersonal]

I like how everyone in the Lore Council specializes on noticing some particular sort of details in Bloodb0rne xd

Fantomette always notices environment and model details, often in the game itself withough any special viewers, that no sane person would spot + can recognize which designs and objects are real historical legacy inspired

I notice and remember every single obscure bit of information and every single placement of item or clothes, but also notice absolutely unhinged ways to connect all this information together

Crow notices every single gameplay and mechanic moment and draws tons of information from it (I didn't know about many things about Eileen, for example, because I am a bad gamer yfhshfhfhs)

Val finds every single thing from 'perifery' - cut content names and models, where to find every texture for every obscure mob, every single video and image from beta of development, every single translation difference in every country, fuckin Japan exclusive information, pages of wikias no one else knows EXIST, etc

Like, while we all can notice each of these things, these are our specialities xd (yeah Val is the most shy and mysterious one of us, but he is actually secretly the most insane)

#lore council #friends #yeah crow is actually the most gamer one of us #fantomette plays very well actually but just like me she gets caught in analyzing MANY things #I am just the information person #I process everything that is thrown at me and come up with insane theories fsjhhfd #but yeah Val travels somewhere in the nightmare realm and back #he is like Patches frrrrr loooooool #omg omg wait #crow is like eileen and fantomette is like gehrman (according to dolls clothes he is super autistic about details and paying attention) #and I am like Rom (i look at literally everything and need to be DIRECTED at certain spot or I get lost) #and Val is like Patches (he can find everything lmao)

[fallen-goldfishcracker]

I love watching the "shadow and bone cast answer Tumblr questions" interview, because Jessie and Daisy and Ben are their usual sparkling selves, and Patty and the twins are pulling some pretty good answers, making me laugh, and then the crows all look like they're dead on the inside.

#(affectionate) #I mean it doesn't help that they didn't really have any “question” questions #About the process or anything #I mean I was having the time of my life but I'm sure answering nonsense after nonsense questions is hard #Cal's “this is my worst nightmare I think” had me CACKLING #With every question I could just see the light drain from their eyes #My favorite style interviews #I don't want long well thought out interviews anymore give me a bunch of actors who haven't sleep a day in their lives #Shadow and bone #The crows #Grishaverse #Patrick Gibson #jessie mei li #Ben Barnes #Daisy head #anna leong brophy #Lewis tan #Callahan skogman #Shadow and bone press tour #netflix shadow and bone

[valentinonono]

i think vaggie and angel have more in common then vaggie is willing to admit. i think vaggie's glee when adam got murdered is deeper than it seems. i think vaggie's dislike of angel's attitude is deeper than it seems. i think adam calling the exorcists "his girls" is deeper than it seems. is this anything.

#the fact that vaggie didnt think adam would recognize her haunts me. his girls are interchangeable to him—except for when they arent #i feel like angel dust is living vaggie's nightmare and shes incapable of processing that. #what happened with adam was a dirty little secret everyone knew about and no one did shit about. #what happened to vaggie is one of her deepest shames that she refuses to touch with a ten ft pole. she left that behind in heaven. #if she forgets about how fucked up she is the past cant hurt her. if she focuses her energy on supporting charlie she wont think abt hersel #and then here comes along angel. and she hates how he's coping with it all because she can see the appeal of self ruin & self erasing #she knows what its like to be trapped & she knows what its like to hurt ppl bc of it. & she doesnt WANT to know that. how DARE he remind he #he shows off his golden cage and vaggie hides her former golden cage #rewatching the first ep and. vaggie's disgust at angel talking abt how his body was 'made to be exploited' is. well. #considering how vaggie got her name i feel like it strikes a painful chord for her #tw: noncon #vaggie hazbin hotel #vaggie headcanons

[gale-in-space]

I feel like I don’t even have a good enough reason to be as burnt out as I am 😭 I graduated almost 5 years ago with a 3.8 GPA and an award in psychology, but it was easy because a) I took mostly all arts and humanities courses, and b) I really liked most of my courses and liked to study. Oh, and it was a small school too, which means it didn’t take much to stand out and look good compared to other students. I did have a couple of part-time jobs and an internship on top of school, but my jobs were really low-effort and I actually liked doing them.

I have a really nice job right now, but I don’t like doing it at all even though it is very easy. I literally think about having a meltdown every time I sit down to do work.

Idk what’s wrong, I wish I felt more like a functional human being that could hold down a job and make meaningful contributions to society, but I’m so tired and brain-fogged all the time. I want to be a doctor and take care of people, but sometimes I feel like I need to be taken care of more than I am able to pay it forward.

#being stuck inside due to wind chill advisories means you guys are stuck with my rambles. sorry 💔 #i almost wish i qualified for disability but it’s such a fucking nightmare process to go through here #i wish society was better #oh well 🫠

[llycaons]

and like....a huge part of wwx’s character/desires even though it rarely comes though in his actual actions (bc he’s driven by things other than what he personally wants) is how deeply he wants to be part of a home and to belong somewhere, and to belong with someone. and this arose naturally due to his childhood but it keeps getting reinforced throughout each tragedy he encounters in the story as well

orphaned at such a young age, naturally he clung to LP and to the family he found there and to the community of people there....and later he threw everything he had into making the BM hospitable and the wens made it more comfortable for him by building him a place that reminded him of his old home...he loves so fiercely and so selflessly and every single family he’s had and every single home he’s had he’s lost to violence and destruction and misfortune and cruelty and he’s been abandoned, relentlessly, again and again and again, left to pick up the pieces and expected to deal with it all alone, rarely with anyone to comfort or reassure him. all this as a teenager/very young adult. all this. the fight that killed jxz was terrible for so many reasons, but one of the smallest details was the most painful - jin ling’s bracelet being destroyed, wwx being told you can never have this, you don’t belong with them. no wonder he was moved to tears when jiang yanli stepped in front of him to defend him to the jins. no wonder he took the estrangement with the jiangs so poorly. no wonder he craves returning to LP long after he believes it to be impossible

and that’s (one of the reasons) why lwj simply standing beside him and vowing to help him postres is so important to him. even if he can’t articulate it, even if he’s too used to solitude not to deny himself it out of habit. there’s a lot of things he wants but this reassurance from lwj satisfied a very deep need he’s had for a long time. to belong with someone, to be supported, to be able to rely on someone else and not do everything alone. something this basic, this foundational to him that he craves even as he reflexively rejects it

I do think he needed that journey at the end of the show but I also think once he’s done with it he’ll never want to be alone for that long again. I think postcanon wwx wants stability. a home. to belong to a place and to a community, and most importantly, to belong with a person, a partner who’s on his side. and I don’t know if that place will be CR but that person will definitely be lwj

#I didn;t know how to end this I started tearing up because I love him so bad and his story hurts so much #he's everything to me <3 #I want him to reconcile w his brother...I want him to spend time with jin ling....I want him to hang out with the wens... #I want him to be a very cherished and fulfilled and well-fed husband and I want him to go home to a place he knows will welcome him #I want him to be protected and defended by the people around him!! and not just lan teenagers!!! #I WANT HIM TO PROCESS HIS TRAUMA INSTEAD OF TRYING TO IGNORE IT!!!! #trying to move past it is great except he won't even dwell on it enough for that to be possible #he could use a little wallowing. maybe he needs to get it out #I feel like he's been unable to grieve for anyone since his parents died bc it wasn't his right or because #other people were more important and had to be prioritized or something #it's a particular cruelty that I don't think any other character is subjected to #I want HIM to be prioritized for once!! I want him to take care of himself and be talen care of!! #I want him to be able to grieve! he has like one scene w jyl but that's IT!!! #I want him to be able to express himself and know he won't be punished for it! I want him not to feel guilty about receiving affection! #<- when I get really into it I start channeling the spirit of lwj. but I can't help it he stresses me out so much and I love him to death #nobody ever sat down and said 'wow the way the jiang parents treated you while send you all away during the attack was really messed up #and its not true it wasn't your fault and you should have been protected' BUT NOBODY WILL. because he won't TELL anyone about it and jc #probably didn't even register since he was in a nightmare of his own #like I know jc and wwx love each other but jc does not have the emotional capacity to be who wwx needs....not even that it's a failing #on jc's part it's just too much of an emotional burden and he's not used to needing to handle it bc wwx lies about it #jc is not. suited for taking care of people to put it lightly. he tries. he does love. but he's...continuously led by his own needs/wants #and he seems to find it difficult to empathize with or prioritize others #and even when he does it's very. rough. agressive. I see glimmers of hope for the future in the final scene. he smiled!!! #but the way he;s been so far #which makes it nightmarishly difficult to maintain or create a relationship w him. even his siblings found it hard/draining #except jyl ig bc shes an ANGEL but if that was my brother. god id be tired all day #cql txp

[frecklystars]

Hi frecklydork!! I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you- I just got out of a convo w/ a therapist where I realized I was in a really bad relationship and she mentioned I was displaying PTSD like symptoms. I just wanted you to know that theres someone out there who's super super super DUPER proud of you and all the work you've put into managing your PTSD- Feeling constant overwhelming anxiety helped me understand a little of what you must be going through, I can't imagine how stressful your day to day life is and I'm feeling overwhelmed rn! I hope you can take some comfort in this

Goodnight! Or Good day, or good morning whenever you get this!

Hi sweetheart. I'm so sorry to hear that you have gone through a relationship so devastating that it left this much of an impact on you. My heart goes out to you, it's not fun, to say the least, it is a really horrible time and it's especially difficult (in my opinion) when it's repetitive actions from someone you trusted... it's like an extra layer of betrayal on top of everything else. I'm so sorry. I know how badly that hurts.

My response is kind of long so I'm gonna put it under a readmore for ya:

I am so touched that you thought of me, and even more touched that you took the time out of your day to tell me that you thought of me. I hope you don't mind it took me a few days to finally crack open my inbox. I reread this a few times because it really warmed my heart. Thank you for being proud of me. I'm so proud of you, too. I'm so happy you've (I'm assuming, hoping, praying) gotten out of the relationship, or in the very least I'm reassured that you've realized how unhealthy the relationship was for you and you can take the steps to overcome and heal from it now. It's SO HARD getting out of relationships, but nobody else can do it for you, it's always you who has to take those steps, and I'm so proud of you for pushing yourself to take those steps!!!! I know it isn't easy!!!!! I think one of the loneliest feelings in the world is knowing that you're in an unhealthy friendship/relationship with someone and you can literally feel this person draining your energy and making you feel hopeless and worthless and numb. I have never felt more empty than when I was trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship/friendship. It's awful. Getting out of that kind of situation is so difficult, so I am so damn proud of you for recognizing that you deserve better!!! Because you do!!! You deserve the whole world and I'm sorry somebody didn't give you the respect you deserved. It's not your fault. Nothing you went through is your fault at all, and I'll say that as many times as you want to hear it.

I completely hear you on the stress side of things -- thank you for empathizing with me. My God, isn't it the fucking worst? The constant stress?? I PROMISE YOU IT GETS BETTER, I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISE!!!!!!!!!! I am finally at a point where my anxiety is not killing me 24/7. It took a hot fuckin minute to get here, but I am at a point now where my anxiety will only eat at me for a chunk of my day instead of my whole day. Getting into the Barbie movie literally saved my life. But, like... it's literally a stress disorder, an anxiety disorder. That feeling of it literally EATING at you every single second that you're awake, and even giving you nightmares when you're asleep -- jesus!!! it's so much!!! it's!!! A LOT and it's intense and it's like you never get any peace. BUT I PROMISE IT GETS BETTER!!!!! 😭😭💙💙💙 IT GETS BETTER ANON I SWEAR TO YOU. I AM HOLDING YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING!!!!!

One day you will wake up and the person who traumatized you, the events that traumatized you, will NOT be the very first thing popping into your head. One day you'll be able to sit down and eat a sandwich and think to yourself "oh I just went 20 whole seconds without thinking about it". One day you'll be tying your shoe and thinking "oh I think i just went five whole minutes without thinking about it!" slowly, gradually, you will have healed so much, you will look back and think "oh. I'm... so much better than I was."

I actually had this revelation a few weeks ago, I sat down making comics, and then I thought to myself... "...oh... I don't think I thought about my abuser... at all... when a trigger was right in front of my face... for a solid two minutes." I saw a gifset where Margot Robbie was wearing an article of clothing that normally triggers me into a panic attack, but I just kept looking at Margot and thinking "hehehe that's my Barbie!!! <3" and then i realized the trigger was right in front of my face but I was so focused on being gay asf I didn't even realize the trigger was there. And then when I noticed it, my body was like "oh. time to panic" but I managed to push away those feelings and say "nope. nope. that's Barbie. and Barbie is safe. and everything is ok!!!" And two minutes of handling a certain trigger may not seem like a long time, at first... but when you're constantly overwhelmed every single second of every single day... two minutes looks like a blessing. and one day you won't even have to count the minutes anymore. you'll just exist and the misery will only be momentary.

But aside from triggers, now, just in general, I am at a point where I can go hours without remembering my abuser or the events that gave me literally DOZENS of triggers in the first place. Flashbacks are rare, when they used to be constant. I'm not as jittery as I used to be, I'm not as... uh, feeling like I'm going out of my mind, I don't know how else to phrase it, but the anxiety that ptsd gives you literally makes you feel like you're losing your sense of self, and I promise you that feeling goes away with time. I promise you it gets better. I didn't have a support system during my time of need, so my healing process is taking much longer than it would have, so I am hopeful that your healing process is actually going much speedier than mine, even if our circumstances may not be exactly the same ofc but just hearing that you have a therapist helping you out with this is absolutely wonderful. Therapy is so important, paired with self care.

I'm so proud of you anon. I'm so sorry you're going through this and ahhh sorry I'm scatterbrained, it's been a long day and my brain cells are on fire, but!!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU and I LOVE YOU and IT'S GONNA BE OKAY!!!! IT'S GONNA GET BETTER!!!!!! That feeling of constant anxiety 24/7 is an absolute bitch, but it gets better!!! It gets better!!!! I'll say it a million times, it gets better!!!! And I'm here for you the whole way okay? Please feel free to message me anytime. Ilusm I'm sending you so many hugs and I will be keeping you in my thoughts. 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

#thank you for taking the time to empathize with me holy shit #i feel like a lot of ppl dont rly. understand ptsd. unless if they have it. which is normal ofc #or just trauma in general. which is fine! u cant fully understand smth til u go thru it #so when you mentioned the CONSTANT anxiety i was just nodding my head while reading #24/7 your brain is making you remember things you wish you could forget and it aint fun #tips: journal your thoughts everyday to reduce nightmares #bc it helps your brain process things while its awake #so it wont process AS much when youre asleep. that way you get BETTER sleep #more tips: sleeping is so good for u. drinking water is so good for ur Scared Brain #EXERCISING!!!! going for walks in the sunlight helps you with vitamin D + tiring u out faster #so u can sleep easier. bc again. oh my god the sleep is so important. #and sleep is the thing i struggle with the most i only get 3 or 4 hours every night #being social helps so much. im going out with friends at LEAST once a week #and scheduling hangouts with online friends once a week as well. or voice calling #i know it hurts so fucking bad right now but i promise it gets better #i am holding your hand the entire time ok you're not alone. im here for you. #anonymous #asks #ptsd #keepsake

[biblically-accurate-soup]

working in mental healthcare sucks sometimes

#not for reasons most people immediately think #i just have to witness firsthand the hurdles people have to jump through to get help and i can’t. do anything about it. #because although i would love it if our wait times were short and we could get people in immediately #the therapists have all full case loads. and it’s like well. what now #just feeling sorry. and bad #the mental healthcare specialist shortage is real and alive and i can do only so much to help about it #i can do what i can and let people know i sympathize. i’ve been on the other side. i swear i know how frustrating it is #i can’t do anything but i wish i could #god #most days i don’t feel this bad about it because i feel like at least i’m helping. at least there’s #another set of hands helping with the bottleneck situation. at least that’s something #some days though. i just sit here and wish i could do more #uriel posting #feel free to ignore i’m just angsting #if anyone is currently on the other end of this nightmare process i just hope you know that i see you and i wish it was better. i really do

[nellectronic]

someone needs to bully me into working on my thesis

#for some reason it’s so much easier to force #myself to get up and do an experiment #than to force myself to face the data analysis and writing #even tho the data analysis is the part that’s actually interesting #but alas i cannot do an experiment right now because we fucking ran out of toluene. #AND [other chemical i’m working with that someone in another lab has to make for us] #i can’t even bug my PI with my incessant questions bc she’s not here. probably busy with meetings or something. i sent her an email. #who knows when she’ll respond #not that she ever answers my questions anyway!!! she’s always like ‘well what do you think?’ #ik she’s doing it to build my confidence and bc she trusts my judgement but it’s kind of infuriating sometimes #anyway all this to say it’s just me vs. my word doc #plus a mountain of disorganized .txt files and even more disorganized corresponding .csv files #several google sheets #a handful of unprocessed FTIR spectra that theoretically i should know how to process and analyze (but really i haven’t the faintest clue) #and my reasonably well-organized lab notebook which somehow still feels like a nightmare to navigate because it’s in chronological order #and not organized by type of experiment #i do love my mad scientist job but sometimes it just feels like too many things #also surface science is not really my passion and i’m looking forward to doing something different in grad school #screams into the void

[vinkumakkara]

the srr dlc has like a bunch of references to the old games in one of the missions but specifically only srtt and sriv from what i’ve seen. it’s a mission pack featuring some kinda movie star and you rob his mansion or something so are those supposed to be movie props? did they seriously just go “yea the Steelport era games were just movies Actually” because that’s pretty funny

#well technically i guess sriv would be a movie but srtt coulda happened. unfortunately #hell world alternative: srr is another nightmare sim #boring alternative: there was no thought process behind their inclusion beyond ''people like references to the old stuff'' #i've just been seeing posts abt it i'll play through it myself when i feel better. maybe. #gta self made posting

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#god. ok. so i should really b reading papers rn but my lab mate called me needy today and it just keeps cycling in my head #like ive spent way too much time around him bc of field work and the thing abt me is that i just say whatever tf is in my brain so hes #basically been exposed to a scattershot of anxious thoughts in my head idk wtf he must think of me but today he said #the more i learn abt u the more i realize ur needy in these v specific ways #and i think it bothers me a lot bc needy isnt the right word. im not needy. i dont plead for help. im just a semi non functional person. #i just lay here not dealing with all these problems i have. but i generally try just make it my own problem. im just a bit pathetic like #that. do i need help? maybe but im not like needy. im just semi nonfunctional and rather compulsive and controling over myself. i live in a #world full of invisible walls as dictated by my stupid brain. but its all internal control i can put up with a lot as long as i have ctrl #over myself. its not especially healthy but it makes me pretty easy going i suppose. ugh! needy! he obviously hit a nerve how annoying #whatever im exhausted bc i had to b a scribe all day and i had a phd meeting this morning. the project sounds v cool and apparently im the #most qualified person to approach them so far but idk itll be v competitive and do i really want a uk phd? idk idk #at least this guy conducted it like an actual interview. i was like fuck finally some structure! and he said i talk well lol thanks dude #so he thinks id do ok getting grilled by a pannel. idk i kinda wanna apply just to see how far id get into the process #unrelated #i was also having harrowing nightmares last night abt climbing mt everest. at least i got 8hrs sleep lol fml i leave for sampling again #tomorrow afternoon. this is what i get for trying to have even a tiny bit of a social life rip

[the-busy-ghost]

Not me genuinely considering trying to wrangle tickets for rugby internationals because at least then I would have an excuse to wear my new skirt

#Look I love clothes but I don't buy them often because shopping in this hellish age of global capitalism is a nightmare #And honestly I don't usually need them but having been inside for most of the last three years I only really own dungarees now #And both because I haven't had other new clothes for a long time and because I'm getting older and trying to raise my clothing game a bit #I've been trying to buy a few comfortable but also loosely smart things so that I don't feel like I'm ten years old all the time #So bit by bit I'm trying to get a few things that I can wear but it's a piecemeal process and women's clothing is a minefield #So the only shirt I own that *might* be able to be worn with my skirt happens to be my Scotland top #(1970s vintage style of course not like a modern rugby top) #This is getting ridiculous but I refuse to let a skirt languish in a cupboard #And bizarrely rugby tickets sometimes cost less than a good white shirt #What a world we live in #Thing is it was hammered into us at school and at home that it was bad manners to wear football tops in public/official spaces #Unless actively attending a match or sporting event #And even though nobody really meant that to extend to rugby tops it sort of stuck in my head and I'm not sure that I'd be comfortable #Wandering around in a Scotland top unless it was either a laundry day or there was an international match on #Also I end up looking vaguely 1980s which was not really the vibe I was going for but oh well