#the place's last owner Didnt Fucking Clean though

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

WIFI IS MINE ONCE AGAIN as i sit on a mattress on the floor

#it feels like ive been without it for so long... #it has been... three and a half days... i am Weak.... #nah jk i wouldve been find without it for much longer #but boy howdy am i Glad to be able to use my dear beloved laptop again #i am In The New Place i am Beginning To Settle #tomorrow i begin unpacking my own stuff!!! exciting!!! #i cant wait to admire all of my Things! #ohhhh and i finally have a spot on the wall for my combo whiteboard/corkboard.... #im still very stressed and i want to lay in a hole but!! #i am doing slightly better than a few days ago! #the weather has been nice... cool and rainy... i am not used to cool and rainy #its also cold and i am - unfortunately - a desert creature #suffice to say i am wearing hand warmers a hoodie and a blanket #absolutely unprompted #the place's last owner Didnt Fucking Clean though #so there have been many spiders. and cobwebs. and general Grime we will have to scrub #like seriously today i was dusting the ceiling. THE CEILING. #had to dust & vacuum the windowsills... gonna scrub my bathroom tomorrow... #theres a large tear in my bedroom carpet too... #ugh and the cabinets are Small so organizing all the spices and shit has been Rancid #stuff has to go out of place and you cant see it all and MY ORGANIZATIONAL SYSTEMS ARE CRUMBLING #sometimes it feels like my adhd and autism are fistfighting but during a move? #lockstep babeyyyy. they are Streamlined. lots of things and lots of sorting & placing and eeheehee #i have also killed most of the freakishly huge mosquitos in the house so! things are better! #that first night was Rough! its better now! this shell is becoming a House!

[voidwritesstuff]

Long Way To The Truth

Cw:misgendering (accidental).

Summary: Lucas makes it to Colorado and helps a young kid with their identity.

->chapter 4: Colorado.

By Next morning he was already in Colorado, as he has breakfast in a small cafeteria, he thinks back on last night. In hindsight,he feels like he just pulled a Wheeler and acted as the guidance counselor of three 20 Year olds. And it didnt bother him one bit.

For lunch, he stops at a small family owned restaurant. Its really quaint with its ochre colored walls, the plants growing from the pots placed infront of the blue framed Windows.

He steps through the double Doors made of some dark brown wood, and the smell of spicy,home made food greets him. He relaxes a little, Rolling Back one of his shoulders instintctually to then take off his army baseball cap.

As he joins the line,he sees a young kid going out to take the trash that Belongs to the stablishment. They have long dyed purple hair in box braids, tied up by a yellow and white bandana, they drag the heavy trash bag as they walk down one of the back area halls, the door to said Hall is Open which is why Lucas can see the kid.

--Thanks son!--Says a male voice from the kitchen. The kid seems to scowl and mutter something under their breath before resuming their walk.

Lucas orders once its his turn, as he eats hes contempt to watch the news since hes written down his entry of the day during breakfast. The news show how in a few months,a New ship was going to be comissioned by Mayer, the SS Thanatos.

"Kind of an edgy name,isnt it " he thinks,munching down on his chili. The spiciness of it all Burning his tongue,but he doesnt seem to care." Though, its interesting,why would mayer comission a New ship? What are they bringing?".

Hes quick to Scribble down his thoughts on his Journal in a small spot between his Many little doodles he had done during a particular terrible traffic jam on the way here.

--Ive told him so Many fucking times-- he hears the kid from before say-- its not- its not son,goddamnit-- Lucas perks up at the voice,filled with anger and sadness. Theres this look in their eyes of feeling misunderstood.

He watches them walk away and outside the restaurant through that Hall they went down earlier. Theres a slight suspicion in his mind as to what the kids discontent had to do with, bit he knows its none of his business.

"This ain't a song for the broken-hearted

No silent prayer for the faith-departed

I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd

You're gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud"

As the News didnt show anything interesting after a while, the owner changed the channel to MTV. Where Bon jovi's "its my life" was playing.

Lucas drums along to the rythm of the song as he walks out of the restaurant. He gets approached by the owner of the restaurant,tall,dark skin and warm brown eyes, he looks worried.

--Hey,Sir. Excuse me- have you seen my son? His-their name is Juniper-- he asked,cleaning his sweaty hands on his apron-- about yay high,purple hair?

It takes him a moment to pinpoint the kid as he puts on his army baseball cap-- uh yeah, why?

--Hes been missing and he hasnt been replying to my calls-- he explains-- he seemed a little annoyed and I wanted to ask him where he was

Always the Smart one, the ex soldier nodds-- yeah,saw 'im by the parkin' lot-- he replied ,gesturing to the opposite side of where the kid had actually gone. The Dad runs away in a panic, and he takes that opportunity to go the actual way the kid left.

He knows he shouldnt have lied,but from experience he knew that sometimes parents would make things worse. And it looks like Wheeler rubbed off of on him because hes on his way to adopt yet another child.

Now that the owner wasnt there,nobody paid him any attention as he snuck into the Hall that the kid left through, it leads down an empty sort of backyard. Theres a small half broken concrete wall that seemed to be the wall that acted as a barrier to a previous,smaller, Back yard and the outside world.

Through the cracks and missing chunks of the wall,he can spot a set of purple hair blowing in the passing breeze. He sighs inwardly and tries to channel Wheeler as he leans on the Fallen wall and says.

--Yer dad's lookin' for ya

The kid gets startled, throwing a small pebble sized Chunk of Fallen wall towards him. He barely ducks out of the way and adds-- nice aim

--Who are you and what do you want?--The kid asks, pressing their knees against their chest. Their locks fall to cover half of their face since the bandana is no longer restricting them.

--'m the guy who told yer dad to go the other way so he didnt piss you off further

The kid looks at him and then looks away, growling-- good. I wouldve ripped his face off.

--Can I at least ask whats pissin' you off before I leave you alone? You look like yer either gonna hurl a piece of debrie at yer old Man or break down cryin'

--You wouldnt get it-- they reply,looking away

--kid, you'd be surprised at the ammount of shit ive seen. Try me

The kid sighs loudly and gets ready to throw another pebble sized chunk. But its not at Lucas, he throws it at a nearby tree stumpt And misses it by an INCH.

--So...so i dont really feel like a boy,or- or a girl-- they start, grabbing another pebble-- I asked my folks recently if they could use well- gender neutral words for me- but they Keep forgetting, especially my dad

"It's my life, it's now or never

I ain't gonna live forever

I just want to live while I'm alive"

God,how loud was the TV? He could hear it all the way from here.

Lucas nodds,folding his arms over his chest-- n 'm guessing thats what pissed you off?

They nodd-- its not that hard-- They followed up-- and it hurts when they dont do it- I call 'em ma and pa but they cant use the words I like?

--I get that kiddo-- he replied,looking at the tree stumpt,littered with previous atrempts of hitting it. His eyes narrow as he calculates the distance between them and the stumpt.-- parents can take a while to accept New things 'bout their kids

--How would you know?--his companion asked, throwing the pebble and missing,again,by an inch.

--well,kid-- the ex soldier grabs a pebble and throws it at the stumpt, hitting it dead in the middle--im Bisexual,and a soldier with PTSD,from a family of soldiers who also had....issues . So I'd get it

When the kid sees Lucas hit the stumpt,they look up at him and ask-- HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

he chuckled-- permission to approach?

--Uh,permission granted--They followed along with the joke,a small excited smile.

Lucas sits with them and grabs another pebble,handing it over. Now up close he can see that their eyes are puffy and a little red,and he softens his gaze-- keep your pulse steady-- he starts,showing them how to fix their aim.

His companion tries again and they hit the stumpt dead in the centre. They look all happy and they smile wide.

--Yknow,your old Man worried about you. Even corrected himself when he messed up your pronouns. -- the ex soldier added as the kid tried again.

--did...did he?--They ask,Setting down the pebble.

--Yup, do you go by juniper?

They nodd enthusiastically-- he even remembered my name?

--Yeah

Juniper smiled and stood up, all happy and with a Pep in their step. Lucas noticed the bon jovi black shirt and raised an eyebrow internally. They tie their yellow and white bandana around their purple hair and dust off their black shirt, they flap their hands a little.

--'m gonna talk to him-- they said,walking past Lucas.

--Hey kid, just one thing. Tell yer dad that it makes you feel bad when he doesnt use the right words. Otherwise he wouldntve known I think, but also know that not all parents Will understand New things

The kid puts their hands inside their pockets-- and what If he doesnt understand?

--Well...-- he trails off and points to the air,as if hes pointing at the music hanging on the breeze.

"It's my life

My heart is like the open highway

Like Frankie said I did it my way

I just wanna live while I'm alive

It's my life"

--I dont like the idea of my dad not understanding though-- Juniper adds, looking a little concerned. Their eyes go to the entrance of the Hall that they came out of.

--i understand but ive realized that well, if it makes you happy then its worth it. Parents be damned-- Lucas stands up,holding Back a wince as his back stings a little. But he manages and leans on the wall-- hell,im drivin' all the way from Florida to Washington

--Why would you do that?--his companion asked-- thats kinda weird --Theres a brief silence and they add-- right,because it makes you happy

--'m tellin' you this cuz when I was your age,I wouldve liked to know that i dont--he makes a pause,hands going to the dogtags around his neck-- that I dont need other peoples approval to be enough.

Juniper nodds,to then perk up as they hear their dad calling out for them-- thanks -- they reply, glancing Back at the ex soldier-- hey by the way,if you go all around over there-- he points at to where Lucas' Back is facing-- youll come out the other way. Just so my dad doesnt think anything weird if he sees you with me

He nodds-- ten four,much obliged-- he tips the visor of his cap like a cowboy would, making the kid laugh at his slight weirdness before leaving for the restaurant.

Lucas goes back to his van through the way the kid told him, and just as he hops into his vehicle, through the outside mirror he sees Juniper and their dad talking. The kid seems dead serious as they talk to their old Man,who nodds and gives them a big hug.

--There we go,happy thoughts kid-- he mutters,seeing a little of his past in the way the father and the kid hug things out. Whenever he would get into dumb arguments with Wheeler,they'd talk it out and hug it out.

He clears his throat,Trying to not get sappy this early in the day,and so he continued his merry way through Colorado.

Switching the radio on, he hears.

"This is for the ones who stood their ground

It's for Tommy and Gina who never backed down

Tomorrow's getting harder, make no mistake

Luck, it ain't enough, you've got to make your own breaks"

But as he drives he notices something in the rearview mirror,a black SUV following along a few cars away. He squints and decides to take an alternative Route he had mapped for ocassions like this.

Thankfully,he does lose them and by nightfall, he stays on a small inconspicuous motel on the outskirts of the state of Utah. Keeping an eye out on his van and resting in between watches

#in sound mind #ism #ism lucas #lucas cole #ism lucas cole #ism character study #in sound mind lucas cole

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[mssjynx]

love

ohmtoonz warnings: MAJOR CRACKFIC 1882 words . i didnt edit this. i skimmed it for mistakes but its super messy and was born because of the last hour or so of me and @heyyglasses swapping the cutest softest songs back and forth and screaming about them.  so this is for her!! 

Luke hated nothing more than when Ryan left.

Being home without him simply put him in a bad mood, though he’d never admit that to Ryan himself. Lies like, “I’ll love the peace and quiet,” and “I hardly notice you’re even gone,” slip off his tongue anytime the topic is mentioned. Not because he doesn’t care, but because he knows that Ryan knows that he doesn’t mean a word.

From the way Ryan’s eyes roll, lips pulling up in a knowing smile before he turns away from Luke and remarks something simple like: “I’m sure, Love,” or “I miss you too.” And Luke is left in the bedroom, or the kitchen, or on the front step, grinning to himself and pressing a hand to his own chest to feel the warmth that always spreads beneath his ribcage when Ryan smiles like that.

So when Ryan had left on a trip to Los Angeles, totaling four full days and two half days away from Luke, the older man was miserable in their empty home. He woke in a cold bed each morning. He stepped out of the shower to a lack of soft music and the usual delicious scent of breakfast. God, did he miss Ryan’s cooking.

Sitting on the couch with a controller in his hands, or some stupid tv show playing through Netflix, he could hardly pay attention. It was as though without Ryan, a cloud hovered over his head all day and all night and he longed for the moment Ryan walked through the front door, car keys jingling and the soft thuds sounding as he kicked off his shoes.

“You’re like a fucking puppy!” Delirious crowed during a recording session in which Luke had been playing like horse shit. The comment had his irritation narrowing. “Your owner’s gone to the shops and- and you’re jus’ sitting at the door waitin’ for him to come home!” The hysterical laughter filled his annoyance further but he couldn’t really be mad at his friend.

He wasn’t wrong after all.

But barking out a short, “Don’t act like you ain’t whining for Evan’s attention all damn day. You’re the definition of his bitch,” did the trick just fine and left his friend spluttering and stumbling over excuses as the other three men in the call laughed and echoed insults back at him.

They forgot about Ryan, but Luke didn’t.

He couldn’t.

The trip was too long, too far away and each day without Ryan, Luke grew more and more agitated and whiny. Delirious could hardly stay on the phone with him for five minutes without him whining like a kid about how he missed his lover, and how he hated being alone. While on the phone to Ryan, he refrained from admitting anything of the sort. That silly sense of pride, the face of tough, carelessness he pretended to wear.

Ryan saw right through him.

He knew he missed him, of course. He knew Luke loved him, adored him, despised being without him. But Luke held his pride in the little things that Ryan didn’t know.

Like how Luke missed being able to pay his boyfriend for a morning coffee with a gentle kiss to his temple. How he adored the way Ryan would lose himself talking about something he was passionate about, excitement shining in those pretty eyes and freckles dancing across his cheeks. The way Ryan would play with Luke’s fingers without realising, brushing his soft fingertips against the callouses to capped Luke’s.

Being without Ryan was more than just missing his boyfriend. It was missing the every little thing about him.

Having to pick up his towel off the carpet because Ryan could never damn remember to put it back in the bathroom. Scolding the love of his life with as stern a voice he could muster when facing that guilty smile and genuine apology, knowing all too well that next time Ryan would still leave his towel on the carpet.

Playing games with his arms around Ryan and his hands on his controller, having to look over his boyfriend’s shoulder; complaining even though the last thing he wanted was for Ryan to get up. It wasn’t as fun when Ryan sat beside him, or on the floor in front of him. It was nicest when Luke could thoughtlessly drop kisses to Ryan’s bare shoulder, or the nape of his neck. When he could whisper teasing words in his ear and feel Ryan’s laugh against his own chest.

The look of concentration Ryan wore when working at the dining table. The dim light above, glow of his screen reflecting off his thick-rimmed glasses that always, always, always, seemed to sit askew (no matter how many times Luke fixed them). Luke had never known someone to look so breathtakingly beautiful, sitting behind a computer screen in comfy pjs, with wonky glasses and hair messy from the fingers that frequented it.

And the simple way Ryan sighed. He was someone who sighed a lot, perhaps without really realising so. When he was tired, amused, bored, content, in love. He sighed. And it was one of Luke’s favourite sounds. Up there with the sound of Ryan’s laugh: when he was being devious and hiding something, when he was too breathless to form words, when he teased Luke relentlessly to see that silly pout.

It was all worth it.

Always, always worth it.

So when Luke awoke on Thursday, the day Ryan was due to come back, he was giddy with excitement. He woke with a shiver, didn’t have to stop on the way to the kitchen to return Ryan’s towel, made his own shitty breakfast and spent an hour or so cleaning, organising and hoping time passed quicker.

The very thought of Ryan in his arms had his heart crying with excitement, longing to be with his other half again. He knew he would lose his tough guy act the moment the door opened. He knew he couldn’t sustain it when he had missed Ryan so heavily.

He wouldn’t waste time on pretending.

And he didn’t. Sitting on the couch, not paying attention to the stupid anime Delirious had recommended he watch, the sound of the car engine pulling in had him on his feet in moments. His smile was instant, striding to the window and pulling aside the curtains to watch his boyfriend step out of the car and pull his suitcase out with him. When he reached the front door and pushed it open, Luke practically yanked him inside without a care for the bag that fell to the floor. Muscled arms encircled him, tight enough to limit his breathing, not that he cared as Luke buried his face in his neck and breathed in deeply.

“Jesus, fuck-” He laughed openly, arms curling around Luke’s neck as the bearded man reminded himself of his boyfriend’s scent, warmth and touch. “Did you miss me?” he teased, glancing around the unusually clean house as Luke’s arms curled tighter, placing little kisses on the ticklish skin of Ryan’s neck, loving the way he squirmed and giggled.

“You’re not allowed to ever leave me alone again,” grumbled Luke, not lifting his face at all as Ryan tried to push him away. After a few more seconds of savouring the embrace, Luke finally complied and eased back. Taking in the picture of Ryan’s broad smile and flushed cheeks, sparkling green eyes and spotted freckles; Luke felt like he’d been hit by a truck as the breath swept from his lungs. Ryan seemed content to hold onto the moment, eyes dancing over Luke’s face and hands resting flat against his chest. He leaned into Luke’s touch when the southern man cupped his face, smiling gently.

Yeah. No more tough guy.

“I missed your smile.” Blunt. Obvious. Luke found no reason for beating around the bush, and by the surprised look on Ryan’s face, he hadn’t been expecting the admission. His eyes fell in his fluster, turning to close the door and kick his bag aside. Luke wasn’t ready to let space stay between them for long though and as soon as Ryan turned back to him, he was enveloped into another embrace, Luke pressing kisses to his spotted cheeks and nose as the younger man laughed and squeezed his eyes shut. “I missed your freckles. I missed your stupid face and your laugh. And that you never put your towel away, and you never have your glasses straight, and sitting with you watching movies and playing stupid games, and-”

Luke had so much more to say, so much more to miss, so much more to love. But Ryan didn’t let him, catching his jaw and holding his face still so he could lean in and press his lips to Luke’s. Luke melted into it, pressing forward and holding Ryan tight around the waist, feeling the man’s arms tighten over his shoulders, fingers playing with the hair at the back of his head.

He eased back for a breath, sighing and releasing billions of butterflies within Luke’s chest. “Luke?” A breathless question that received a low sound in response, sharp dark eyes examining Ryan’s freckles, trying to count them in his head but losing count before he could even reach ten. “Don’t tell me about it. Show me.”

Fuck, did Luke love him.

He found a soft hand in his and didn’t hesitate to pull the giggling man after him, to their bedroom. Luke lost himself in Ryan. He lost himself in the love of his life, his touch, his scent, his beauty. Pretty sounds, giggles, sighs: they spent hours kissing and whispering sweet nothings, and indulging in exactly what they had been craving for days and days.

“I love you,” Luke murmured as he laid kisses from Ryan’s wrist to the inside of his palm to his the pad of his thumb. “You’re not leaving again. Not for a long time.”

Ryan smiled up at him, accepting the chaste kiss to his lips as he released a soft exhale. “I want to stay with you.” He let his fingers push through Luke’s hair, smiling at the way his eyes lingered in a blink, enjoying Ryan’s simple touch.

“Good,” he grumbled, catching Ryan’s hand and pressing a kiss to each fingertip. It wasn’t often Luke was seen so affectionate and sappy. Ryan loved it. He adored it. He savoured every second.

“I love you.” Ryan’s voice grew softer, another sigh leaving his lips as the drowsiness from his flight caught up to him. Luke smiled gently as pretty green eyes fluttered shut. “Nap with me? Please?” When they blinked open up at him, pleading and hopeful, there was no way in the world Luke would have the power to refuse.

Leaving kisses atop Ryan’s eyelids, he allowed his lover to curl up against him, hiding his face against the older man’s neck and sighing with content.

Three words, repeated in a breathy whisper, rolled over Luke’s collarbone as he laid a kiss to the mess of brown hair atop Ryan’s head. “I love you…”

With Luke’s lover drifting off to sleep in his arms, nothing else in the world mattered. He had him back. And he wasn’t going to let him go again easily, that was for certain.

#crackfic #ohmtoonz #ohmtoonz fic #ohmtoonz fanfic #bbs #banana bus squad #song inspo #music inspo #god this was fun to write #its been too long since ive done ohmtoonz #how lovely #its shit but its cute shit and thats whats damn important #enjoy!

[cordytriestowrite]

Battle of the Bars

Bucky x Reader

Summary: When you finally achieved your dream of opening a bar on Stark Street you had no idea you'd have competition or that the owner of the bar across the street would be so cute. (Business Owner Bucky AU)

"Holy shit this place is awesome!" Your best friend Wanda exclaimed, her voice echoing through the empty space. You nodded in agreement with a satisfied smile. You folded your arms as you watched Wanda maneuver around the tables, exploring every inch of your new place of business.

It had been hard work snagging a piece of real estate on the most popular party street in the city, but somehow you managed to be in the right place at the right time with just enough money in your savings account. So now you were broke, happy, and ready to open tomorrow. That is if Wanda was willing to help. You watched her make her way behind the bar, her delicate hands trailing along the polished wood.

"You look good behind the bar, Maximoff." You smirked when Wanda rolled her eyes.

"I haven't been behind a bar since college and I swore I would never work one again once I graduated." She scoffed.

You approached the bar and leaned against it, your smirk still firmly affixed. "But you didnt graduate did you Wanda?"

She bit her lip, trying to keep her smile from showing itself to you, but you knew you had caught her in a loophole to her own promise since she never finished her last semester. Her eyes fell closed as she let her head fall back with a groan.

"When do I start?" She asked with a smack of her small hands on the polished bar.

"I want to open tomorrow. A Friday night will bring good traffic." You explained, walking along the bar to join Wanda behind it. She nodded in agreement and accepted your grateful hug.

"Pietro could help too. My brother would do anything for you." Wanda offered. You made a noncommittal noise in your throat. Pietro was a harmless flirt and she knew that, but it didn't stop her from teasing you for occasionally indulging in his flirtatious compliments.

"I'll take all the help I can get." You concluded, looking around the room. Imagining all the people who would fill the space tomorrow, talking and laughing and enjoying your hard work.

-

Music blasted through the room sounding loud in the mostly empty bar. You felt helpless as you watched droves of small and large groups pass right by your open door.

"Why aren't they coming in?" You asked no one in particular, a slight whine in your tone.

"It's still early." Wanda said checking her watch.

"Its eight o'clock," Pietro countered, leaning against the bar gnawing on a toothpick, "people want to drink, just not here."

"Not helping." Wanda shot at her brother through clenched teeth, Pietro straightened and strode over to you, placing his hands on your shoulders.

"Want me to go out there, huh? Get some of the ladies in here with my charm and good looks" He mumbled into your ear. You shook your head and pulled away from his touch. You leaned in the open doorway, not bothering now to hide how you watched the people pass your bar with not even a second glance.

What were you missing? Your bar was modern, clean, had good music, and a good looking staff. Why did no one want to come in and have a drink?

"You open?" A voice rang out over the chatter on the street.

When you had pictured your bar patrons as you fell asleep last night you imagined cute instagram-worthy guys and gals who couldn't wait to tag your bar in their photos that always get a thousand likes. When you lay in bed at night feeling lonely you imagined this kind of man doing anything he wanted with you until your spent body fell into dreamland. He was, in a word, hot. His broad shoulders were covered by a worn leather jacket, his strong thighs clad in dark wash jeans, his hair was long and his strong jaw stubbled with a five o'clock shadow. He was gorgeous and dark and obviously waiting for an answer.

You cleared your throat and straighted up, "Yes we are. Come on in." You moved out of the doorway so he could move past you.

"Could've fooled me." He smirked as his shoulder brushed yours. You had almost missed his jab as you caught a whiff of worn leather and gasoline, a surprisingly comforting smell. You followed him in with a slight frown.

Wanda took care of him quickly, flashing her lovely smile and leaning forward on the bar as she took his order. You could tell she was checking him out just as you had. You felt no ounce of jealousy at her appreciating gaze, knowing Wanda was more in to preppy nerds than biker boys. He must have ordered a drink because Wanda was now turned around, staring at the wall of liquor holding an empty glass.

You didn't want to seem like a creep but you couldn't keep your eyes off your only patron as he sipped the whiskey Wanda poured for him. Your eyes only left him when his eyes met yours, so stunningly blue and filled with mirth they were hard to look at for more than a moment.

"Join me for a drink, doll?" He lifted his glass in your direction and you found yourself feeling suddenly coy at the pet name. Still, you put up a confident front, allowing your hips to sway with swagger as you strode over to join him.

He offered you his hand and his name, James; you did the same cordially. Wanda placed an amaretto sour in front of you with a subtle wink. It was your favorite drink when you were in a flirty mood and as your best friend she knew that, the tramp. You turned, intending to ask him how he was enjoying his drink.

"Wanna know why no one is coming in to your bar?" James interrupted as he brought the whiskey to his lips draining the glass and declining another drink when Wanda came along with the bottle.

You felt your mood shift from friendly flirtation to full on defensive stubbornness. You had a feeling his criticism would not be constructive. "If you are so inclined to tell me without prompting."

He smirked and turned fully to face you, his knees hitting the side of your thigh as you kept your body and stare straight ahead, prepared to secure yourself emotionally.

"No sign, no flyers, no hype men or plants to make your place seem like a happening spot, you don't have any drink specials and if I were to guess you dont even have a target audience. You'll be out of business in a month if you don't get your head out of your ass."

"Fuck you." You seethed before you could admit to yourself that he was right. You hadn't even though to do any of those things before he mentioned them, too worried about meeting an imaginary deadline to really think about the small details that would make your business successful.

"Just trying to help, doll face." James pulled his wallet from his back pocket and threw down a generous stack of bills next to his empty glass.

"If you want to see a real bar come to Bucky's," he whispered into your ear as he stood up to leave, his body leaning over yours and encompassing you in the smell of whiskey and leather, a smell you were forcing yourself to detest. "Its where all your potential customers are headed anyway."

You pulled your head back and glared at him, making sure he saw the hard line of your lips when he glanced down to them briefly.

"Get out."

He let out a small chuckle and pushed himself away from you.

"Not a problem, doll."

You watched him stroll leisurely out the door and kept your eyes trained on his retreating form until losing him on the crowded street just outside. You turned away at the sound of a low whistle behind you.

"That was kind of hot. All that tension." Pietro said lowly, earning a smack on the arm from his sister.

"That was insulting." She countered angrily, "I can't believe he said that. Who does he think he is?"

You turned back to the entrance, you eyes scanning the street once more expecting to see James' smirking face in each passerby. Your eyes lifted a little higher than the crowd, seeing a neon red sign across the road, the word Bucky's lighting up the crowded street in a red glow.

"I don't know," your eyebrows furrowed in determination, "but I'm sure as hell never going to Bucky's to find out."

Tag list is open and feedback is welcome! @starfisharchives @depressedcoffeebean @lilypalmer1987 @bambamwolf87 @sleeplessnights06 @suckmyrichardx @soldierplum @kali-mav @illegalportkey @just-some-stuff-in-life @oursickestsecrets @sammbubble @leftmewaitinginthecold13 @love-pinknblue @sky-the-squirrel @lauxxury @bedtimeserenades @waywarddemigod221b @fanfictionrecommendations-com @sawdustandsugar @chickenandrea @elwenia

#bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky fic #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky au #wanda maximoff #pietro maximoff #marvel fandom #marvel fanfiction #marvel #avengers fic #avengers fanfiction

[strawberryspeachy]

Man. I really am a cat person I guess

My last cat died almost a year ago... but i didnt even get to be with her. She was young and i left her with my best friend when I moved to Japan. She had seizures...

I really miss her

I miss all my babies

But im feeling serious pet withdrawl. I have NEVER been without pets for this long in my LIFE. I grew up on a farm. I only went to college for like 3 months or less at a time and got to go home and see my babies

I want a kitten SO BAD - ive always thought that when I get my own clean place that I wont get animals because I always wanted to be able to keep a place clean and not having cat hair alllllll overrrrr alllllll my clothes was nice in college

But I NEED A CAT. I NEEDDDDDD TO FEEL THE PURRING. I NEED KITTY KISSES AND CUDDLES AND THEIR LITTLE mew mews

I feel starved for real

So many of my cats have passed and I know any future cats will before me as well

But i still want them

Dogs though

I fucking ADORED my dog

I begged my mom for my own puppy for YEARS before Kiki was sent to me from the universe basically. Her moms owners husband threatened to kill her and her siblings if they werent gotten rid of. So my family took them at about a month old - just old enough that they could survive without their mother

There were 6-7 of them. And they were all normal puppies except for my Kiki! She was always staring at them like they were annoying and preferred to sit in the back of their pen away from their jumping. When they came out to eat and play, shed find a quiet spot to eat and then go hide under the couch (it was funny cause they all moved too much and my mom and i couldnt count them when we put them away because they kept moving. So wed just assume we got them all - then a couple hours later Kiki would emerge from under the couch yawning and wed be like oh! There was another puppy!)

I remember debating between a couple of the puppies when my mom hinted that I could keep one. But ultimately I chose my Kiki. I didnt even have a particular reason why - I was about 7 and I remember imagining how if I chose one of her siblings I’d finally have one of those movie dogs. I did of course like that she was the runt - but there was something else about her

As I grew up and became more isolated and miserable myself (not to say Kiki was miserable by any standard. But she was a very picky dog with an animated face) we just matched

Kiki honestly got happier after all her siblings were adopted out. We played all the time when she was a puppy. And as I got older, I didnt want to go roll around in the snow or go for long as hikes. And while that would upset most dogs - honestly Kiki seemed content to be let be. Like she seemed to have age the same as me and we were both like - dude. Im glad you dont wanna play all day long - i need my me time. (And by me time i mean we were both happy to just exist in the same room together)

Wed both get random spurts of energy and play for an hour or so instigated by the other

There was this mac and cheese I ate and never finished and I would give the leftovers to her - there came a time that when she smelled it she KNEW and the second i looked like I was done her head would shoot up - she was ready

Sometimes my mom would eat half and Kiki would look at her like - the fuck?!

And my mom would tell her sorry i know this is yours

She was the best fucking dog. My best friend. We understood each other. We loved each other.

It still makes me cry having to remember her finaly days. She got cancer. I had to put her down. She was almost 13 - which is young :(

And I still cant bear the idea of getting anther dog.

My cat was 18 when she passed. She lived in my room for reasons. And I had the same relationship with Star. I miss her so dearly and no cat could replicate or minimize those feelings

But i still want cats

But.... not a dog.... and I think it’s because. And I always knew it

Kiki was so different from other dogs. We matched personalities - but because Kikis personality was closer to that of a cats than a dogs.

I never look for an animal that reminds me of one from the past. It sounds too cruel first off. And meeting new personalities is wonderful. Im still kinda sad that I couldnt adopt a cat from a store who wanted to play fetch in her cage and who i fell in love with right there and then. I hope she found a good home 😭

But most dog personalites dont mesh with me. I like them. I wanna play with and visit them. But i dont wanna own them.

My best friend who basically lives in a zoo felt the same way about her first dog. I kinda think maybe its because we just connected with our dogs as children and while they were puppies. Connected intially because we were similar and then as we grew together - our dogs - understanding that we too were children - took care of us. Like a reciprical parent child relationship and so we grew up with dogs who took on our ways of interacting. They understood that regardless of what was going on - we had unconditional love for them which stopped that dog urge of - constantly trying to prove to you that theyre worthy of your love. And they know you - for example. Kiki still did bad things sometimes - but she’d avoid things that she knew really bothered me. Maybe shed decide to chew something up, eat something she shouldnt, or poop where she shouldnt —— well in her case - shed purposely target things that didnt belong to me. Or poop in a spot where i didnt usually walk

My family would get mad at me about it - why whenever your dog misbehaves, its never YOUR STUFF ?! Cause she knows its my stuff

Yeah. Just. I miss my pets. My dog was perfect. And i want a cuddily kitty purring next to me right now

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

My mom worked in a bar, a bartender, weekend nights as she went to school to be a nurse. My dad just wanted to be a musician. So I grew up in the bar.

That's my mom.

So I met Jesse in the bar. He taught me to play poker. I was extremely skilled at it. So i became a hot shot at age one. I would win bets all kinds. Who would think a kid in diapers could win at poker?

They didn't even know i potty trained myself and didn't piss nor shit in my diaper but panties were too small for me.

So i wore a diaper.

My dad was in the military, too. But someone told him he could go with them to get a music career started.

That is how he got kidnapped.

My mom went to look... Followed the same guy into the parking lot and got kidnapped.

She left me in the bar. The guy said my dad was outside all drunk and bottled up. "Oh I'll be right back"

So I tended bar for the rest of the night. Locked up when everyone left. Slept on the floor.

I looked for my mom but it was cold and the air felt strange. Danger like. Still and eerie. Bad.

So i went in, shut the door and locked it. Yelled "mom i locked it but you can come in" just in case she could hear. May be she was in a car talking to my dad. I yelled for 10 minutes. A couple men went to the door but i refused to open it. Cried myself to sleep in the floor. Scared for my parents.

It was two days before anyone noticed it was weird I was making margaritas and serving beer. One and a half year old tending bar. No one thought it was weird . i was a hot shot.

I told every one I couldn't find my mom. They didnt care. Just another beer.

It wasn't till Monday night that any one noticed and that's only cause that's when the new bartender showed up.

So i helped her that night. She was impressed. When i locked the door from the inside and got myself ready to sleep in the same place i cried myself to sleep in before...

The door opened and light spilled in, "mom?"

But it was the late night bartender, "oh you." She closed the door and locked it. "You can't stay here"

"I can. I been here since Friday. I can lock the door. Im safe. I can be, too"

"There's kidnappers outside"

"Yeah since Friday and they took my mom and I serve them beer and they don't pay. Just walk out. I should beat them up"

She took me to Miss Leena's house the next morning. We both slept in the bar floor. In front of the locked door.

"Miss Leena, i don't know what to do" she said.

Miss Leena kept me in the trailer park. Out of foster care. Let me go wherever whenever.

I never saw my parents again.

I saw George a few times. But he wasn't a man. Some monster. Some sick in the head creep. This thing with legs and arms and a head. No heart.

That's when I learned the difference between a me problem and a you problem. Even when it came to families, there was rarely an Us problem.

He's been eradicated. There was no hope of healing him and i being able to tolerate him if he did heal.

My Uncle wasn't the best father. I'll be curt. But thats because he knew I had a dad out there somewhere. But he was the best father i had. He never hit me or sexually abused me. He defended me. Stood up for me. Took care of me and supported me.

He is a real man.

Point is. One day you'll be almost two years old tending bar alone. Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

And no one will care. They will think it's neat.

And yeah it is. Its fun doing moms job. And doing it well.

But comes the point that you're an orphan. Locked in the bar with kidnappers outside, crying yourself to sleep on the floor, in front of the door. Hoping you may not be. An Orphan.

Wearing the same clothes. Same diaper. And keeping it so clean that by Monday the late late night bartender doesn't realize you've been in them 4 days.

That photo above was taken the night she disappeared. I was in the bathroom. There's one of me with her, the same night.

The last photo we took together. Before I took one next to her coffin. I was two then.

The person sitting on Jupiter killed and raped her. For no reason other than he was outlaw Jesse James. So he named himself. He was rich. His father a store owner down the street. Sold groceries. Got women's names and addresses off checks. The son Jesse did.

Self-entitled Jack ass.

For no reason im an orphan.

If they were in a car wreck or something that would be tragic and dangerous. But murdered so the criminal wouldn't get in trouble for rape. Kidnapped for ransom the military refused to pay.

Doesn't make sense to me.

They never even bothered to look for my father.

I did. But by the time I found him, he was no longer a man.

"Don't forget i raised you"

I was 3. Half my life i raised myself and more than half the life i had with him he was working.

"I don't even know you -- Do you -- are you saying you want to come home?"

"Not yet im working"

"You want to come home and be my dad?"

"No I've told you time and time again I'm working"

What piece of shit says that. I spent nearly 2 years looking for him to take him home. He was too busy mopping floors?

I saw him again 5 years later... Just gassing people. Anyone he could get in a room. Like a Nazi. Kids. Moms. Didn't matter.

So i sorted out the evil ones for about a year so he wasn't killing innocent people. But then he turned on me. And I left.

He was gonna end up killing me. I called the police. Had him arrested.

Spent 2 years in The penitentiary.

I was 9 when he got out. We moved the year before so he couldn't find me.

I killed Pablo Escobar the year after he got out.

He did have ways to find me, though. Steal my kids and freeze them and put them in car panels.

Never made sense why he would. Just crazy I guess.

He used to be a good man.

But after he did that to me. He had to been eradicated.

He couldn't see past his crazy to ser his own daughter. I can see going nuts and being afraid to leave. But then...

Why attack me? Take my kids.

There was no reason

He took my father away from me.

He had no right to take anything else.

I grew up with a photo of him in our house. I don't know if he was crazy then. Evil.

I know I am. Crazy. But there's a difference between caring and not.

Her name was Deborah Anne. I think she was lucky to die.

My dad became a herion addict. Shooting up with needles 19 pints a day of black tar herion. Which pints is a term like nickel. Dime or quartet in marijuana. It means full 5 cc needle one hour a day sleeping 5 hours a day.

5 mL of black tar herion 19 times a day.

That's 95 mL of herion.

3.212 ounces

A cup is 8 ounces so it's nearly a half cup and you know sometimes he did at least 3/4 of a cup.

Not around me... Because.. One time i told him "why don't you just get a bigger needle? I mean syringe? The tube part?"

"Get away from me. You're not smarter than me"

"Yeah well sure but you're doing it every 15 minutes"

And while pints is a term like nickel or dime... My dad really did 19 liquid pints of herion a day.

So when I was around I made him feel dumb, insecure and selfish. So he did less.

"Who is taking care of you?"

"I work. I have a job. I make more money than you"

"I make none. You could make a penny and its more than what I -- hey you think you could buy me herion off the street? I think it's better than what i got. Or maybe not im told it's pure. Never mind you're a kid. No buy me some. I said buy me some. I didn't mean to grab your arm"

"Like a mad man all crazy? Because you did"

"I didn't mean to. I said i didn't mean to!" Injecting his arm again

"Hey fill these up for me again. Do something useful"

"Talking to you ain't useful?"

"Not if you want me to go home it ain't. I'm the boss"

"Give me the syringe. How come if you're the boss you're only bossing me? Where's everyone else?"

"At work they know what to do"

I start laughing. And laughing. "There is no one! I sent them home! All is left is you!!"

"Then I'll start gassing. If they escape i have to gas who is left and they start over"

"You could just go home like they do"

"You mean escape? I'll start gassing"

"There is no one left but you. Come on I'll show you"

"Nope bring them to me. Ill start gassing the place up let them burn. I like that. Like im a Nazi"

"The who? I'm calling the police" i pick up the phone "911" i dial im not playing. He's fucking crazy. "My dad said he will start gassing. Hes all doped up and" my dad stopped shooting up to stare at me "you don't know what you're saying!!!" He stormed the floor and grabbed the phone and hung up

"Don't you call the police on me again. Im just doing my job"

"You're shooting up" i stood to get the phone

He snatched it "I said do not call the police on me again!" He stood over me not like a threat but as a threat

"I'm gonna puke"

"And she did. You know you ain't gotta say every nasty thing you gotta do to me. Now that's gonna stink. Dad let's go home every two goddam minutes." He snatched the trash can from me and i fell. "Oh my God it's the police! How did they get here so fast?!?! You didn't even give them the address. They're going to think I'm herion dealing. And it's just for me!"

"Dad they're the CIA they're here to help!"

"Oh my God i was in the military. They don't care. Now it's the CIA. They don't care"

"Dad i care. Please"

"You're just a kid"

"I work for the CIA"

"No you don't. You're just a lying." He leans down towards me and whispers "why don't they just Come in?" And he shoved me.

He hit me in the side of the head. Covered my mouth with his hand. I shoved him off. He pulled me by my hair.

"QUIT!!!! IM SO SICK OF YOUR SHIT!!!"

He acted like i beat him.

"I'm opening the door stay calm" i opened the door. "Arrest him. I think he broke my teeth"

I held my face and felt sad

"Sabrina, I've seen you be hurt worse than that. Are you sure you're okay?" Asked Matt Hagan's FBI grandpa.

"Its just my dad. It hurts more because emotionally. Im going to cry. I'll just lay my head on This desk and cry awhile"

Of course my dad was out the next week to gas people and kill them. Of course he was.

[eileentheraven]

Ignore this huge rant about my new job. Everyone is fucking asleep and I'm shitty.

Dude. I fucking HATE the food industry. I swear to fucking god ANYONE that owns a fucking diner is so shitty to their employees. I showed up 15 mins early to my first shift. I didnt get acknowledged until 8:06. To which I was finally brought back, immediatly chastised for my attire which was because I had a black and white stripped shirt instead of all white. [I only have this one shirt, but this is not the point.] I was very hastily shown around the area and I IMMEDIATELY started applying myself. And I tell you people I worked my ASS off for the whole 8 hour shift until 2:30am. I was on top of prebussing, I was making everyone's shakes and drinks, I was carying out food, writing down orders, prep work for milkshakes, rising dishes, and even had a hand with the fryers. I was never still, I was cleaning things, checking up on my tables and getting refills-which I never saw the waitresses interact with their tables???? I was taught how to do everything just once, and if I made a mistale unknowingly you bet your sweet ass I was lectured. Owner explains the wash system, I learn initiate active listening, good. I go bus a table and he's rinsing dishes so I set them down to clean the table. He stops to lecture me about how he's the owner and he doesn't HAVE to wash the dishes and there is no higherarchy in the building and I need to wash dishes. Okay. So. I bring more plates and wait patiently for him to finish, which angers him and he takes the plates from me. Later in the evening I am busy with two table's requests and a prebus- so I ask him to fill a mini water real quick as I pass by to clean the plates. He literally looked at me and set it down pretty much saying no. Okay. Did I mention the buss/prepcook/everything else(?) Didnt speak any English?? He was super sweet and him and I worked together well minus the barrier and I would help any tables he couldn't understand. One mishap and miscommunication he handed me a bag and told me which customer it went to. The owner said it was this mans. I repeated the order to the man. He said yes and then took it. I didn't double check the ticket and it wasn't his. He never came back but the man who's food he took got shitty just as his new burger was BEING PLATED and asked for a refund. The manager woman bitched at me then and told the customer it was my fault. The owner bitched at me. Later before close she lectured me again in the kitchen and said she shouldnt have to repeat herself twice and they lost 10$ because of me. LATER as she clocked me out she lectured me again about it all even shitter then said I could go home. I didnt make any of the tip money because "she and the cooks did all the work". She LAUGHED when I asked about the pay periods...like that isnt information I would want to know? Then started on about the 10 dollars again and how she would charge me if it happened again. Two dudes were denied a thing of ranch (because they charge .50 cents for it and you have to pay cash) they wrote "Ranch?" In ketchup across their plate and overturned the other plate and made a huge mess. Like. I put up with crazy on drugs, high, too stupid drunk, and assholes the whole day (cause its Downtown Long Beach bar area). I jumped into that place feet fucking first only to be lectured and never once told I was doing okay. Even though the two waitresses left 2 houes In to my 8 hour shift and I was left to man the boat. No. Fuck them. OH one last Bitch. When she clocked me in at the end of the day she asked what I actually started working. That the pisspoor 10 minute "training" wasnt paid and started my paid time an hour later. So I've like got blisters on my feet. Had to take my septum out. Just to be bitched at and told I didnt do good enough. And. Not told when I work next. So. Its 4am now and I'm pissed y'all.

#fucking rant #fuck #fuck you #fuck everyone #goddamnit

[astropissbaby]

Troll fic

So back in 2013 my friend and I decided we wanted to make a TERRIBLE FANFIC and we did here it is lmao Forbidden Love: Chapter One. I really haven't meant to make everyone so mad at me, I've just been far to stressed out at work, constant missions, everyone flipping shit on everything. Keyholes, hearts, completing kingdom hearts. Nag nag nag, never enough time to sit and play my sitar, so again I was sent off to do bitch work in the store rooms. Storing shit, taking inventory on their supplies. At lest I mused with a wary grin, I had time to myself to fuck off, Why doesn't anyone like me? Why does everyone think I'm stupid, I just just try so hard to please their majesties. I sat down on a box of organization 13 matching coffee mugs, for the employees to boost moral! I didn't even want the stupid fucken coffee mug, they made me pay 6 whole dollars for a cheap piece of breakable china shit that probably wouldn't even last a week. Well, i'm tired of their ching-chong China Shit. I'm gonna..... I'm gonna DO something about it! I edged store room, sneaking past the office thingy, going all double 007 on those hallways looking over my shoulder I felt SOOO bad ass had it in my sights the break room! Doing a cool ninja somersault behind some unsuspecting GIRLS!!!!11111 I quickly opened the door and snuck in shutting the door behind me uiet as a mouse. I opened the fridge door an looked through my eyes lazily jumping shelf to shelf until I saw the powered doughnuts. I LOVE DOUGHNUTS!!!! A satisfied sigh flowing past my lips at finding the thing I so wanted. Delicious powered doughnuts. grinning I lifted the bag out of fridge and opened it i ripped off the stupid tag that read "Axel" These straight to my ass, reclining back on a box of stupid employee plates, and dug into my stolen snack reveling in how naughty it was and how someone would have my balls in his mouth if he found out I was eating his doughnuts. As I was deep within the bag I could hear someone walking towards the break room, I looked up with an air of panic and quickly stuffed the bag of doughnuts down my cloak, wiping my white powdered hands off on the bottom of my cloak, Uh-oh. A quilty look fills my face as none other than Axel walks in, Him the owner of the doughnuts I had just devoured, Quickly I tried to hide only ending up tripping over myself breaking the special employee mugs in my haste. Oh shit. Axel walked into the room looking angry as ever. "You fucken little bastard, you better not be eatting MY powdered-" His green eyes widen as he takes in the white powder all over my face and hands. I stood up quickly my hands rising palm side out in a warding gesture . "DON'T SHOOT!" The words came flowing out of my mouth, before I could even think about something clever to say. The bag of doughnuts fell out of my cloak and fell upon the ground in a burst of white powder. He grinned slowly and walked towards me menacingly. "Well I'd hate to kill the suspense." he whispered in a low scary voice. I picked up the bag and started doing a SUPER OMEGA NINJA STAR ATTACK with the doughnuts, each one that hit him leaving a white mark in in its place. He stiffened for a bit taking the onslaught before a smile quirked up his lips as he picked them back and started flinging them back, before i got in a lucky hit and got him right where it counts throwing with enough force to double him over right in the vital regions. Axel doubled over "Oooh my mommy and daddy buttons." he groaned I started to laugh and he grabbed some doughnuts in his hand and pounces upon me driving me to the powder covered ground rubbing doughnuts into my face. The floor was covered in scuffed up footprint marred white, our wrestling covered our cloaks and hair in white powder I got up to my feet and shoved him away giggling. Axle shoved me up against the fridge pinning my hands above my head getting all up in my face grinning and panting slightly covered head to toe in white. " Hey, I just kicked your ass. Got it memorized?" He leaned in a little closer pushing against me harder, I tried to lean back, and BANG! CRASH! POW! BOOM! We knocked the fridge over, Axel landing on top of me briefly before someones voice yelled out "WHAT THE FUCK!?" and the sound of many feet. Running into see the shit going down in break room. Axel scrambled off me and yanked me to my feet. Xiomes WALKED IN seeing the destruction and mess. his eyes widening before he yelled "YOU TWO! MY OFFICE! NOW!!!!!!!!!!" CHAPTER 2: As we followed Xemnest down the ugly ass hallway Axel and I tried to figure out how we were going to get out of this fucking mess. "You fucking idoit!! If you didnt have to go do something stupid we wouldn't be in this predicament!" Axel whispered. As we walked, I could hear people whispering and laughing at us because we were covered in powder. We went from black to white like ying and yang or something else thats totally stupid and DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! "Oh yeah? Well if you didnt have such a wierd ass cold doughnut fetish this wouldnt have happened you moron!" I said in response to his stupid stupidity!! "WHAT?!?!! That was my lunch and nothing more!" Axel looked at my with angry green orbs. "Yeah! Ive seen you after work with your 'lunch' before, Axel! Ive seen what you have done to those poor doughnut souls!" "Oh my god... If you say anything to ANYONE im gonna--" Axel grabbed my cloak forcefully but was interrupted my Xemnas. "Shut the hell up back there!" We arrived at his office and walked with our heads hanging low like an old man's balls. We sat in the two chairs in front of his desk and mine made a gross farting sound when i sat. Xemnas glared at me while I looked as sorry as I could, even though it wasn't me. He sat there in front of us nonspeaking, his eyes narrowed and stormy, the silence that stretched over us deafening, I could see Axel uncomfortably shift in his seat sinking a little bit, his shoulders slumped and his eyes slowly narrowing trying to escape to whatever dumb place inside him that made the since not seem as terrifying. I looked back up at Xemnas his eyes still narrowed, his lips a tight hard line, god couldn't this prick ever fucken smile? I shifted and looked away from him, it was quiet enough I could hear the blood pounding in my ears and the sound of mutted combat out in the training grounds. Finaly Xemnas shifted straighten up and opening his lips to speak. "Do you two have anyting to say for yourselves?" He said quietly Axel opened his eyes and glared at me before turning his head back to Xemnas his fiery hair shifiting a bit "Well, this fuck ass decided to go out and eat my lunch then proceaed to attack me with the doughnuts." Axel's voice was rough with anger. Xemnas turned back to me raiseing his eyebrows in disbelif. I looked down at my feet. God, am I stupid, no wonder no one likes me I just fuck everything up. "Well, Demryx is this true?" I simply nodded unable to speak past the lump in my throat. Xemnas nodded at me "I see" he turned back to Axel. "And you decided to attack back? You couldn't just walk away and come to me? You are just as much at fault, now don't you think?" Axel stiffened and opened his mouth but, thought about it and closed his mouth with a click and glared at me out of the corner of his eyes and mouthed "You are so dead" Xenmas got up and paced around behind us. "So, now. I think it is only fair that the two of you clean up the break room Yes? Yes. And since you two can't seem to be getting along. You are now shareing a room, doing missions together, everything. Until further notice. Now get out of my sight." He turned his back to us and walked back to his window and stared out of it silently bidding us goodbye. Axel turned on me his eyes flameing, he got up and stalked out his fists clenched tight. I got up to my feet and quickly walked out fearfully. I started to walk past him and he grabbed my cloak and yanked me back clenching his fists in the front of my cloak his face inches from mine. he hissed out quietly and quickly so no one would over hear his threats "You stupid fucken little prick. I will make your life hell, do you understand? Every wakeing moment of your life will be hell. Got it memorized?" I mewed softly and nodded quickly grinning up at him "Y-yes sir." He grinned wickedly at me and shoved me a bit "Get walking" I nodded and started quickly walking to the break room the white powder still on my cloak and a new fear greater than the one of Xenmas filled me with a bitter taste. Axel was far more terrorfying than Xenmas by far. I hurried along to the breakroom every now and then looking over my shoulder to see if Axel as still following me, he was. Little whispers and snickers could be heard comeing from the other people as we were still white as freshly driven snow, or as a fucken virgins pure untouched body, I walked into the breakroom nearly tripping over osme stupid thing, I turned around and watched Axel walk in and watched him shut the door. I grabbed a mop and broom and started to clean I knew he was watching me, so I turned around and threw the broom at him " Why aren't you fucken helping?" I all but yelled at him The broom lands at his feet and he picks it up and starts to sweep glaring at me from under his stupid bangs. We swept for a little bit in silence until I accidental hit his thigh his with my broom. "you stupid shit!" He turned around and glared at me "We wouldn't be in this mess if you didn't like have some fucked up romantic love for doughnuts" I yelled at him throwing down the broom and balling my fists. He fucken punched me in the shoulder as he hissed out "And I wouldn't have to deal with you if you didn't FUCKEN EAT MY LUNCH" Where he punched me started to throb. "Ow! What the fuck Axel!?" I Shoved him back a bit and glared up at him putting all of my hate of him into one look " Why do you hate me so much Axel! What did I ever fucken do to you !" I whispered out dragging the back of my hand over my eyes ridding them of tears I didn't even know were there. He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me up against the wall tilting my head back so he could see my face,he leaned in closely and spoke softly " Do you really wanna know why i dislike you Demryx? Do you even know WHAT you do to me?" I stared into his green orbs and shook my head quickly feeling slighty naked under his gaze, like his eyes could stare into my soul and know all of my secrets. He grinned at me and his hands slip down off of my chest to rest on my chest like what the fuck. He glanced down at my chest for a momnet before he looked back up, grinned and spoke. "Because, Dem, you are so oblivious to everything that happens when you are around me. Fucken blind" He grabbed my hair with one hand and FUCKED IT UP!| "WHAT THE FUCK AXEL!??" I glared at him and hit him softly in the chest. he only chuckled at me and swiftly leaned in and kissed me. my jaw dropped as he walked off to finish cleaning chuckling darkly, leaving me in my stunned silence. What the fuck. My mind was reeling . What. The. Fuck. Axel fucken kissed me. OH MY GOD. I started cleaning silently, unable to believe what just happened. What the fuck No homo dude. My god....Axel. FUCKEN. KISSED. ME! I dragged my hand across my lips and glared at his back, what the fuck is his deal? I am SO going to bring this up with his pretty boy ass later. I picked my broom back up and started sweeping up broken glass, my mind still in shambles I knew I was blushing, I just refused to acknowledge that fact. I could hear him humming in his dumb ass voice, god Axel is probably Bi-polar he needs meds or some shit. I could feel his eyes on my back as I swept; but I didn't give him the satisfaction of seeing me turn around, I just kept cleaning silently for awhile trying to work out what was on my mind. Him. As I finished cleaning I knew he was leaning against the wall like the stupid fuck he is because he already finished, I hope he wasn't fucken getting off on watching me cleaning.

#badfanfic #kingdom hearts #godhasleft

[rainwoman-world]

My dreams

My dreams have been all over the place.

Three nights in a row, I dreamt about dating my ex and asking to have him back. Qhen he pissed me off the other night, I had an interesting dream, that i wont get into to. Laat night, i dreamy about apologizing to him for making him feel like he wanted to die.

There was something he said to me not to long ago, or smth he said in general. Like i never cared about it?

I literally hate it when he says that, cause like i did care about him, he was literally my world and i did love him with all my heart, until he started ignoring me and not telling me why. I mean, hell, i gave him my first kiss! That's really hella important to me. Dont you hate it when the people you cared about the most say you never cared about them? Thats one of the worse things to me, because its like, hellooo! I loved you so much, i cared about you for so long, I stayed here when you had an anxoety attack, I was here when you cried, I was always trying to be there for you. Some guys just dont get it.

Like i know i became a bitch to him, but thats because he shattered my heart when i poured it out to him and his reaction was idk, it just broke me, and i snapped. I dont think i ever did that to a person but the thing is...

What I wrote meant so much to me, all my feelings were there, all i felt for him, how i fucked up, how i loved him, how I'll always have some feelings for him no matter what because its hard to not have feelings for someone you were with for seven months no matter what happens. And then his reaction was "idk".

I have no idea why that made me snap, maybe because i poured my heart out to this dude and he gave me three letters back? I mean, that kinda was an asshole move...

Do you ever love someone with all your heart and soul then they accuse you of you never loving them? Because if that has happened to you, then same.

And he said i was never there for him i was there for me, NO, because when i was in denial after the breakup, i wouldve been fine not talking to him but i stayed because i wanted to make sure he was okay. I always wanted to make sure hes okay, because hes a good person and I loved him.

Exs are so weird right? I mean the guy exs are weird too sometimes. Or exs that accuse you of never caring or never loving them? Like wow, okay. It just ruffles my feathers a bit like big oof-

You know, he said dating me was a living hell, but last night i talked to a friend and they said he probably didnt mean that, and that he was just mad at me too in the moment.

I know dating me wasnt a living hell, so i know he didnt mean that. And i know he did love dating me until we broke up.

Because he's like, out of all the relationships I've had, that was probably the best one, i dont know if he'd say the same though.

You know, when i broke up with him, i never meant to hurt him, but in a breakup someone is always bound to get hurt.

I didnt wanna talk to him about what was going on in my head, and thats why everything ended. But i know to be more communication savvy in my next relationship, so I'm glad for that.

Im like 85% over him, and looking back at everything that has happened, i realized, this breakup was woahhhh. I mean i was an asshole after but he was a bit more of an asshole, ill take like 40% of being an asshole and he was the other 60-

Im joking haha, but its a breakup? What can you do? Not all break ups are gonna be clean, right? This whole experience was fun, and i learned how mean i could be to a person which was... WOW i fucking snapped and it was nice to be mean for one instesd of nice and holding it in, its just i was rude to the wrong person.

But he was mean back so, even now?

Sometimes i look at his tumblr posts *cough*EMOTIONAL SELF HARM*cough* yes i know the signs.

And i see things like "I know we broke up/you'll find someone else to love but fuck i think youre mine" which he said about me.

I wonder what happened to that.

But like i said in one of my earlier posts, he lost feelings because i made him feel like an asshole, but...

If you really love someone... I really dont think he'd get over me that quickly despite what happened.

So there's something I dont know, either he never really loved me or hes not completely over me.

I realized what animal I'm like. Im like a dog.

Im an energetic moody motherfucker sometimes, so like a kinda moody dog, but the right affection and love will make me feel amazing! Also the random bursts of energy i get sometimes are kinda like a dog haha. But mostly... Because im loyal. Thats how i am, im loyal, and getting rid of me, is like getting rid of a dog.

The dog always wonders what it did wrong, why it wasnt good enough, how is it's owner/person doing, because it still cares and its loyal to what it has loved.

I figured out my animal yay!

I think thats all for this morning haha.

I had a lot to say, you know. I think imma write about my ex often because there is soooooo much i had to say in the past i never got to say and this is my chance! So yeah!

Have a good day/night everyone!