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simp4konig · 9 months

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Self-aware König X Gender-neutral Reader

Word count: ~2800

König slowly comes to the realisation that he was in a game, that he was never real, and that he'll never be with reader.

His sense of self deteriorates as all he wishes for is to escape from the boundaries of his code and be real.

In this instance, ignorance really *was* bliss.

*Slow burn

*König has a mental breakdown at one point lmao

Edit on same day: HOLY SHIT thank u for so many notes!!!!!!!!!!! 🥹🥹💞💞💞💞💞 You guys are so nice 🫣🫣

*Self-aware AU belongs to @puff0o0 !!!🥳🥳 (The girl behind the disguise🥸... Was rthis loser all along!!!!! 😈😈imagine giving permission to 👍THIS 👍idiot to write Ur fic idea lol u made a mistake 💀💀💀ok but idid my best not to ruin their awesome au with this pathetic controbution and jope I honoured it well 😭😭 but fr i had been stalking their profile since the begigning of their self aware! au and ivloved their acc 🥺🥺I love their imagines and how they fulfill the request yet leave enoith for imaginstion !! (which, don't mind if I do🤠all of the König scenarios added tovmy incessant daydreamimg hhhhhhhhh oh no),, and when they followed me I was staring at my phone with the BIGGEST goofy grin on my face 🥹🥹Thank YOU sm!!!!! 🫂MUCH LOVE!!!!!!!!!!💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

*To anyone waiting (I've gotten such lovely messages from people saying they liked my first fic (which made me so happy as it was the first ever fanfiction I published online🥹🥹)), Part TWO of my first fic is on its way !!!,, I didn't want to make u guys all fluffy 🥰🩷💘✨🤗 inside only to tear your hearts 💔🥀🗡️🗡️😭 in two witj this 😿 dw I promise to reward u guys with another fic and cute himbo (and absolute menace while on the battlefield 👹)König <33, with King X König having more wholesome interactions in the near future!!

If you had told König that he wasn't real, he would have looked at you blankly and said nothing, passing off your suggestion as a joke of sorts that he possibly couldn't understand.

Perhaps if he was ever faced with a situation like this he'd question you about it, but nothing more, and drop the subject at hand.

Honestly, the likelihood of him ever thinking over this twice would have been slim, as he would not pay your philosophy much thought shortly afterwards.

In fact, he believed that his life as a Kortac operator was indeed a real one, and he wore his embroided Austrian flag on his shoulder with something next to pride, always praised for his outstanding efforts by his superiors in the same tone of voice. To König, however, it meant nothing, and he'd only nod his head in an attempt at gratitude, turning his back to the commemoration in indifference.

Despite not remembering anything of his childhood, his upbringing — hell, even any of his past prior to becoming a soldier — König didn't ever think over it too deeply. The overwhelming pressure to make sure missions went without a hitch and constant deployments to foreign countries left no time to reminisce, especially not when his work was so demanding, and it only made sense to him that they were the reason for his forgotten memories.

Besides, even if he had time to spare and be inactive, he had to stay focused, as being an operator meant that he couldn't let any nostalgia or softness distract him from his tasks.

On the battlefield, König worked on autopilot, performing finishing kills with efficiency and with machine-like precision. Reacting quickly to enemies ambushing him from behind or an enemy that was laying on the floor behind the corner waiting to shoot him in the head, he'd eliminate the targets with bullets to spare. Really, he was unstoppable, and he was on a killing streak.

Until he was shot in the head one day.

The moment it happened, the shot was like an explosion that almost obliterated his eardrums, outside noise deafened like his head was underwater. All he could hear was the high-pitched ringing, and it held an uncanny resemblance to the beeping of a heart rate monitor machine that he would never lay next to, dying instead on a bed of cold rubble and broken shrapnel.

Somehow conscious enough to look around, his mind was completely empty, eyes attempting to adjust. What he'd assumed would happen in a time like this was his mind flashing with memories like a movie reel in his last moments, his entire life playing out in his final dying seconds.

Yet he remembered nothing. No Mama, no Papa, no childhood or any his life trials, nothing that had changed him and moulded his character, not even his motive for enlisting into the military in the first place.

The part that was most unnerving about all this was his complete apathy to it all.

Did he even care that he was dying? Shouldn't he at least feel regret at having essentially been the one to pull the trigger, cutting his own life short with the lifestyle he had committed himself to? Why wasn't he scared, sad, even bewildered at the very least, shocked that his life would soon end so unceremoniously? Fuck, not even mild disappointment at least at not even had travelled the world, and failing to ever explore any place besides abandoned buildings housing hostages and terrorist bases swarming with foes? Nothing at all?

Unable to process his situation, König just... laid there, unmoving, while his surroundings moved in double speed. Nondescript figures holding rifles wearing camo and balaclavas blurred in his vision, and he couldn't differentiate the enemy from his own.

Slowly losing consciousness, he felt his world darken around him, dulling his senses to the mayhem unfolding in real time. He'd accepted his fate, and could do nothing about it. That was that. And this was it.

It was a shock to his system when a silhouetted hand pulled him up by the arm limp by his side and shouted in his face, "Get up, soldier! This is no place to die!"

König didn't need to be told twice. He nodded his head robotically, his eyes looking ahead of him with a thousand-yard stare, and not even sparing a glance to the anonymous ally that saved him, he picked up the his gun off the floor and loaded another magazine into it with a satisfying click.

In his delirium, he worked on autopilot after that, shooting at anything that shot at him first. Too much in a daze, he was past the point of realising that the gaping bullet wound had suddenly sealed itself, vanishing entirely and leaving no mark that it was ever there.

After that, König didn't realise that he wasn't real when any injuries still didn't affect him. He assumed that his insensitivity to wounds was a result of a high pain tolerance, and his body healing miraculously was his ability to regenerate fast.

Although he would lay on the ground, his arm outstretched while through gritted teeth shouting: "Scheisse! Ich brauche hier Hilfe! I need some help over here!"; truth be told, he'd only do so when he after getting used to seeing so many bodies writhe in pain like so, and something for some reason told him that it was the right thing to do.

Waking up moments after not far from the spot he supposedly died in a daze, all bullet wounds gone, he didn't have time in the moment to think over the specifics of his death. Maybe he was hallucinating, or remembering things incorrectly.

König began to suspect that something was wrong when he'd hear his operators say the same sentence word for word. He rationalised that the constant shooting that never ceased even late into the night and dangerous missions that left him with far too many close calls put pressure on his mind. This mania amongst soldiers in the military was a common phenomenon after all, so it shouldn't have been as much of a surprise for König when he felt waves of déjà vu at hearing statements he could have sworn were related to him before at one point, and going to infiltrate areas that were vaguely familiar.

At some point, he thought something was REALLY wrong when he was storming a military base with... a sniper rifle.

Time stood still as he inspected the weapon in his hands, eyes wide.

That... was impossible. He had never been a sniper. True, he had wanted to be one from the beginning, yet he had adapted to his role as the main means of assault, always on the offensive rather on the defensive. So then... Why?

Adding to that, his appearance would differ. They were subtle changes at first, yet still noticeable: a red helmet instead of his black; an ochre hood instead of his black veil with its signature red streaks; a sniper camoflauge when that disguise had never been in his possession before; and even a gas mask with a hazmat suit when he had been wearing something else altogether on the helicopter heading towards its destination.

Although König hadn't know it yet, his reality was slowly shattering along the cracks, but he stubbornly fought the gnawing feeling that ate him up from the inside. He had to stay focused, he repeated to himself. No time to ponder when a task was at hand.

"All units ready your weapons, and in position immediately." Through his walkie-talkie, a voice began counting down the time left before the mission would begin. "60 seconds."

König checked all of his gear, making sure that everything was in place and he was fully equipped. A rifle, a side-arm, ammo, grenades, a med kit for an emergency and a knife. "40 seconds."

Looking up into the sky and straight into the sun, he didn't need to cover his sight as his eyes weren't affected by it at all. Yet, his eyes squinted in confusion, sensing that he was seeing something that he wasn't meant to see behind the glowing eye. "20 seconds."

He saw more than an eye. An ear, a nose, then a mouth. A face.

He saw you.

You were looking at him through a screen, holding a controller and waiting to start playing your game.

His reality shattered all at once, and he stumbled on his feet, unable to regain his balance, feeling himself go weak in the knees. He tuned out the all-important seconds through the communication device, unable to compose himself as for the first time ever he struggled to breathe.

Suddenly, all of it made sense.

People telling him the same things and never deviating from the topic of the mission, the reawakenings, the pain insensitivity — all of it was because none of it was never real.

People never branched off into other topics of conversation because their sole existence was limited to a few hand-selected voiceliness and idle animations. With each upgrade and level up, König had gotten praise from from him superiors, which explained how emotionless their announcements always sounded and why they were so constant.

The frequent brushes with death weren't a matter of luck, and instead it was just his entity respawning until a certain condition was met, until either Kortac or Specgru came out victorious — otherwise, he could "die" as many times as it took until the time ran out.

He was unfazed by bullets that grazed him and knives that tore though his flesh as he could physically feel no pain, his very existence artificial, his skin composed of pixels with no human matter hidden beneath them.

And, his inability to trace back to before he was transferred to Kortac was all because it was all he was programmed to know. There was no childhood. There was no Mama or Papa. It was just him in this world, and he had been manufactured, his thoughts and behaviours fabricated.

For a moment, he considered you the creator of his word, his God, and felt forsaken. He wanted to curse you, to snap your neck in his hands and watch your head drop lifelessly in his hold.

Yet it became apparent that you weren't the one behind this realm. Seeing the headphones strapped to your head and the controller held in anticipation in your hands, you were simply indulging in a past time, and weren't to blame for his state in any way. It wasn't your fault that you were unknowingly playing as a König trapped in the game.

You let out a groan of frustration, mashing buttons on your controller in an attempt to get König to move.

"What the fuck is going on?!" You hissed, trying in any way you could to start playing. Checking your router and the game's ping, you saw that your connection was secure, and that there was no reason for König to be frozen in place. "Fucking piece of shit console."

König shook his head, still disbelieving and unable to accept his fictional reality, yet hearing the sound of your voice made everything an even tougher pill to swallow. He had to stay in character. For you; it was the least that he could do.

After the initial lag at the beginning of the match, the game went smoothly and you couldn't find any faults. However, you suddenly noticed that your movements over König improved, moving with more fluidity and suddenly taking less damage than what you would normally use to. Headshot after headshot and kills all of the time poured onto on your screen until you'd find yourself being ganged up by bitter players wanting to ruin your streak as revenge.

Still, you topped the leaderboards with a new personal record that night. 97 kills to 0 deaths flashed on your screen, and you jumped up from your gaming chair, ecstatic, almost knocking it over in the process.

König felt butterflies in his stomach seeing you smile and jump around excitedly, and that's when he had found his purpose.

From that moment on, you became his lifeline. You gave the unfeeling König something to live for, a motive to keep fighting that he hadn't been given when being created in the game — for you and your greater good.

Really, you made him feel things: made him feel alive; made him fight with more passion and determination when your happiness was on the line.

He fell... In love.

The feelings and emotions he felt in his chest chest were genuine, and weren't pre-written in a script or manipulated by a third-party. Even the bullets that would pierce through his gear and leave him on the ground withering in agony was worth it, and he'd exchange his invincibility any day to feel what he felt when he saw your face, and the smile that tugged at your lips when you were revived or got a difficult kill.

His love for you was immortal, and it would persist through generations and could last for a lifetime, and König was almost certain that you could feel all of his energy channelling through your TV.

He found himself lovingly staring at you through the screen, admiring you as if you were an ephemeral being, a beautiful angel, even when your hair was greasy, your old tee had armpit stains and your eyes were bloodshot from how long you had been playing. Really, none of that put König off — if anything, all of those made you so distinctly you, so human.

Yet, König was in love with someone that was practically in another dimension and he would never speak to them, never touch them, never share thoughts and pass the time doing everything and nothing with them. None of that, because he wasn't real.

Had his life improved now they he had grown self-awareness? Had his ignorance really been bliss before his revelation? Perhaps if he had been another NPC that only gained manipulated consciousness whenever the player spawned in the map he wouldn't be so stricken with grief and crouched over in agony, the knuckles on his hands turning white from how fervently he was gripping his mask. He'd hyperventilate off-screen, sometimes the torment being too much.

Being so close to you yet being restricted to his three-dimensional world was bittersweet at the least, and internal suffering at most. His insatiable craving to be with you, and you with him only, fuelled his desperation, and he tried to keep you with him for as long as possible through any means necessary.

When you selected an operator that wasn't König, your game glitched heavily and would even crash whenever you made the mistake of even complimenting their design, and God forbid whenever you tried to play as someone other than him, as your console would near explode.

When you'd boot up a different game on your PlayStation, your loading screen would suddenly transport you back to the one of MW2, König greeting you with a voiceline that he reserved and perfected just for you:

"Welcome back, schatz. I have been waiting for you." Because he treasured you, and you were the only person that he could ever have feelings for.

Perhaps a recent update was fucking up your console, or it was just malfunctiong due to age. Either way, playing on an eight year old PS4 meant it could only run for so long and glitches like this were inevitable, yet you persisted in keeping the console running, not in your budget to afford to upgrade.

You'd search frantically on the internet for any information about the new König voicelines and whether there was any resolution for your problem when playing CoD, something telling you that your game was not functioning in the way that it should.

A thought crossed your mind that König had gone rogue, and you tried to laugh it off. Swallowing thickly, that still didn't relieve the deep pit in your stomach. If anything, the mere idea made it worse for you, and you'd get an intense gut feeling that would make you feel dizzy whenever König would make eyes contact with you and stand there, making you question whether he was acting out of character or not.

His attempts to keep you with him were commendable, yet none of it could change the fact that it would never be anything more than one-sided pining, a deep longing for a person whose world kept spinning while his stopped once you logged off the game, his day ending abruptly and being consumed by darkness.

For now, König had to content himself with being stuck behind a screen. He wished so desperately to be able to touch you, to escape this human generated world that trapped him in these bounds, and to find who he really is when with you. Shrouded in this deep black void, all he could do was wait patiently until you'd boot up the game again.

A hand was placed on his side of the screen longingly, resting it gently on the face on the other side.

Note: this wasn't meant to be so sad ,how did an idea of König popping out from the screen turnvto this 😭😭

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https-immotmari · 4 months

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❝ Is it chill that you're in my head? ❞ ─── mari's mutuals!

WRITER'S LIST OF (DELULU) COMRADES!

in which, mari shows you who she builds friendships with even through online! also, love toya aoyagi ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ

. . .@melops-postoffice! ( Lili / she/her / they/them)

or rather formerly known as liqi's-postoffice, if desire any type of manhwa/isekai type of fanfic then you'll definitely going to love her project! especially if you're also a fan of akuneko (devil butler with a black cat). of course, she's into a lot of fandoms like project sekai, cookie run kingdom, honkai star rail, etc!

. . .@sweetkiitsunez! ( Kiit / she/her / they/them )

well, kiit actually restarted her acc in tumblr so, make way for her rebirth of a acc! kiit's one amazing person even though i've only met kiit through discord but, still one awesome person! please be warned that kiit's works may have dark theme so, please be responsible in what you read.

. . .@herri-writes! ( Herri / she/her )

the reason why I found ensemble stars, no joke. girlie hasn't been rather active since I think she's busy with schoolworks and her private life (she's much older than me) though her works are quite on point. I recommend her acc for anyone!

. . .@invui! ( Yinnie / she/her )

the one I used to bully back in the server, especially when it was june back then hehe. this acc is actually her sideblog I think, with her main acc tagged there of course. I honestly recommend her acc for anyone especially if you're a fan of kpop!

. . .@bianjay! ( Keith / he/him )

this guy is one cutie-patootie once you chat/meet him, seriously! also, this is yin's kid, everyone say hi to him. he's also a kpop stan alongside his mom, like mother, like son they say. his acc is mostly reblogs about kpop, often TXT, memes, gifs, etc. though, I think he's also into some fandoms outside of kpop.

. . .@moonvityy! ( Emmie / she/her )

if i remember correctly, emmie and kiit are like the oldest among us here. it's no wonder why emmie got that mama bear vibes lol and is a lamli bennet simp fr. say hi to lamli's wife, everyone hehe.

. . .@xlvr-renas! ( Karu/Xin / he/him / they/them )

my ride and die bestie when it comes to teasing the others💗I think he, alongside with Keith, would send c'mon, baby, america memes in the serve and then due to that, I felt goofy and send a meme myself. boschi simp.

. . .@fwoomiufy! ( Miu / she/her )

ammon lead's wife, everyone! besties since we too are delulu about certain butlers hehe, though, a sweetheart one! I, alongside some in the server, send ammon fan arts and she just malfunction.

. . .@pudding-pompurin, @pluckpleepplop!

they're rather new mutuals of mine! I hope we can get along real well (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

. . .@reikaoproducer! ( Kiyo / she/her / he/him / they/them )

ngl, I'm a huge fan of their project sekai sideblog! can't believe that their main acc is mutuals with lil' ol me ヾ(•ω•`)o! I recommend any of their acc like seriously! their writing is so good and the way the scenario or story goes it's like heaven!

. . .@sukiyukiii! ( Suki/Yuki / she/her / they/them )

a newcomer in the tumblr app, everyone say hi! yuki is actually my best friend in real life so, gotta be more careful with my post since two of my bestfriends are now following me ( of course, I followed back ). thank you for the genderbent project sekai au, especially the Eizou, crumbs 💛💛💛 I recommend project sekai users there to interact nicely to her! she's a sweetheart dw!

. . .@emoszart! ( Scarlet / they/them )

another one of my bestfriends in real life now taking form into a tumblr acc. her mind is one of the reasons why I'll take HUMSS. I recommend her acc for those who want like a dark, mysterious, fantasy type of lore and drawing! she's one of the best artist, I can assure you that ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ

WRITER'S END NOTE!

so, yeah! that's all my mutuals for now! overall, all are lovely people to interact with so don't be nervous around them. ′ヾ(≧▽≦*)o

#─── mari's mutuals!#meet my mutuals!

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woozten-x · 8 months

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#. 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐧𝐢𝐚 || 𝐉𝐚𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧

[ ; M.List including other Neos! ]

─ Synopsis: Insomniac nights are a pain...But, Na Jaemin will be the end of it all.

─ CONTENT WARNING: Indirect mention of suicide, DEPRESSION!

─ Pairing: Na Jaemin x Gender-Neutral Reader

─ Genre: Angst w. Comfort, Fluff/Wholesome

─ Concepts: reader has insomnia and depression, indirect statement towards suicide(?), basically reader getting comforted by reader because everyone needs a Jaemin in their lives, crappy writing pls don't mind that LOL

─ Count of Words: 1.2k

─ Inspiration of the work: What Was I Made For? - Billie Ellish

A/N: hi again LMAOODHSD yeah its been awhile. uhh... well... ive been burnt out for awhile because for some reason sitting and writing was a really difficult task to do lately. i am working on other projects! but, finishing them is a different story. this isn't how i wanted to come back... but, things been rough so i've been in the gutter and just wrote this on a whim since writing is just my source of comfort.

this is incredibly self indulgent. its a little too real? idk. the emotions are there but its not exactly clarified further? i decided to post so i can just put something up before doing changes to my acc + have some comfort for people who dealt with similar issues (stay strong<3). i am not sure what else to really say HAHAHDGS but, i will be writing and putting some things up again!!

ty for anyone who followed and continued supporting my works. i really appreciate it<3 i hope you guys have a great day/night :)

Another sleepless night.

At this point, it should be part of your routine, but it has gotten to the point where you are staring at your ceiling in the dark. Endless thoughts struck your mind like thunder, each droplet of your breath seems repetitive; you are still breathing yet somehow everything feels so empty. You are not sure why you feel this way or maybe you do, it is simply one of those feelings you feel at times.

Because of these same feelings, you are left wide awake with your body begging to sleep but your mind is continuing to howl within the night; yet there is no moon. Somehow, everything feels so dark. During these late hours where everyone is sleeping, nightfall seems endless for you - finding no peace within, especially amongst your inner turmoil.

You glance at your bedside, reaching out to take your phone and check the time. The white, bold number glows back at you - ‘2:00 a.m.’ reflecting back at you and momentarily blinding you with its powerful light. You let out a heavy sigh, placing down your phone on the nightstand with eyes stinging slightly from exhaustion and possibly the bright light of your phone. Rising from your bed, you quietly open the door.

Your footstep croaks upon the wooden floor of your apartment, walking to the kitchen that was only down the hallway; thinking maybe you could find something to munch on. Knowingly, you would only go to the kitchen without much reason or an appetite. It was a distraction, one that could help you out of your thoughts; even for a brief moment.

Quietly you stalk towards the kitchen, the tile floor cold against your skin, you pay no mind however. Your hand extends towards the fridge, opening it and letting the light be the only thing illuminating back at you. Eyes scan the items inside the fridge, finding nothing appetizing nor did you bother to move to grab something; instead you stand in front of the fridge, the coldness escaping wraps around you.

It wasn’t comfortable. No, it was far from comfortable…Yet it was somehow comforting to feel it.

“Y/N?”

Blinking away the daze cursing you in place, you glanced over your shoulder to see Na Jaemin; your roommate and a friend since highschool. The two of you have quite a history, in fact he is one of your best friends, one who experienced the highs and lows with you. He seems confused upon seeing you at this hour, concern evident in his gaze but he conceals it with his usual smile of his.

One that seems to hold no worries.

“Can’t sleep?” He asks, walking over to you and you look away once hearing the beeping from the refrigerator. It was alerting the both of you about how the door was open a bit too long. You close it and Jaemin grunts when he bumps into the corner of the counter within the kitchen, “What are you doing in the dark? You got night vision?” He grumbles, a hint of pain in his teasing.

You chuckle, walking towards the light switch of the kitchen and pressing the button - “Maybe I do~ Maybe I am a vampire.”

“Is that why you are always sleeping during the day?” Jaemin jokes along, the same smile playing on his lips. The light of the kitchen glowing in a faint yellow, your eyes easily landing on Jaemin; although he carries a smile, it did not reach his eyes. “Are you okay?” He asks, inquiring about your well-being once more; he seems to care so much.

But, for what reason? Your mind instantly thinks that when just seeing it. Feeling it.

You shrug, “No idea. Just have…A lot of thoughts.” You admittedly say, not exactly direct with what you were feeling. No words could describe it; was it exhaustion? Sadness? No, for some reason, it was more complicated than that.

Jaemin eyes at you, tilting his head - “What kind of thoughts?”

“When will the world end?” You joke with a small, half-hearted laugh. Jaemin rolls his eyes, your playfulness seizing an opportunity; but, it wasn’t exactly worth it. No joy overwrites the concern on Jaemin’s handsome face.

“Do you want the world to end?” He asks, leaning himself against the edge of the counter. You stood near the fridge, feeling your shoulders shrug at his question; it was a joke, nothing more. However, Jaemin had caught on the deeper undertone of it.

You sigh, “Honestly, I don’t know. It’s not like Doom would appear at my service.”

“Yes, dating some type of godly being is out of the question.” Jaemin chuckles, nodding at your words. You feel your lips tug up into a small smile at the same banter, your eyes falling away from his; your eyes scanning the tile floor, each line of the floor somehow more interesting than the person facing you.

“I wouldn’t want it to end.” He said, shrugging his shoulders and you scoff at his words. You part your lips to speak, but he continues - “But, if it ever ended, I would want to spend the very last moment with you.”

You chuckle, not exactly surprised to hear that from him. He’s always been vocal about his loyalty towards you and even his fondness; but, somehow it has your eyes watering just a little. It was such a small thing, one thing that seemed like a Na Jaemin thing to say yet it held so much impact. You look up, blinking away the tears with a laugh leaving you - “You are so cheesy.”

Jaemin shrugs, “I prefer speaking the truth.” He softly said, noticing the vulnerability surrounding you. Even when you hide it, he is always going to notice. He lifts himself off the counter, walking towards you. Strong arms surround you, tugging you close against a warmth; one that seems familiar, but one you seemed to have forgotten.

You rest your head against his chest, hearing the faint heartbeat of Jaemin. He places a hand on the back of your head, cradling you in his secure grasp - “It’s alright now.”

Burying your face in his chest, tears streaming down your face; the same tears that never came for these past nights. No matter how hard you tried, they wouldn’t fall. Finally, the warmth streams down your cheeks, letting all the heaviness drown you; you hold onto Jaemin, fingers loosely grasping onto his sweater, as he lets out a low assuring hum.

Even when you know he would never understand, he is going to stand in front of you with open arms. He always will.

“I won’t leave you alone for the night, okay?” He murmurs near your ear, his breath warm against your skin.

You nod, your grasp tightening on his sweater. By the end of the night, you won’t be able to let him go…

Even with these past nights of anxiety and overthinking, you are finally falling asleep in peace.

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cannibalovers · 4 months

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Hannibal song of the day: song no. 8

a bit about the song:

"Parasite"(released in 2010) is a song by How To Destroy Angels(HTDA), a music project by Trent Reznor(NIN) featuring his wife, Mariqueen Maandig Reznor, Atticus Ross and Rob Sheridan. His wife has taken over his usual lead vocalist position, with him taking on the background vocals, although in this song, both of them sing all the lines are the same time (although Mariqueen's voice is still quite dominant). The song fits the experimental, eletronica and post-industrial genres, beginning with a building guitar noise, thick drums soon come in, followed by more discordant guitar screeches. All the guitars soon stop and the drums and a synth bass are left to play behind Trent Reznor's and Mariqueen Maandig Reznor's low, smooth vocals and dominant drums, with the screechy, haunting guitars coming back in later. The lyrics are quite intimate, presenting two subjects talking, maybe asking each other questions about each other and answering them. They are slowly becoming each other, infecting each other, like parasites.

ngl it was hard to find anything about the set meaning, only everything about Trent's style and how he has mixed it with his wife and others, producing this album (so basically about the sound and production) so i guess this will be fully just my interpretation. very hannigram, once again, i have some other songs that remind me of other characters and stuff im gonna have to do smth about those too at some point lol

and again quite short, the song is very instrumental and feel based in my opinion but anyhow

------------------------------

Verse 1

"Yes, I can feel you

Yes, I believe

Yes, you can have me

Yes, I can breathe

Parasite

Yes, now I need you

Yes, you are mine

Yes, you have shown me

Yes, you define

Parasite"

through the whole song, the lines are sung at the same time, creating a feeling of unity and harmony, which the subjects seem to be agreeing to feel. They both feel and need each other, they believe in each other, they agree to devotion to each other and admitting how they have changed after being with each other, they let each other be dependent on one another - it seems like they're merging, like parasites. Maybe they chose the word parasite due to it's slightly negative connotations, maybe that's how the rest of the world sees them, infecting, controversial and desperate and obsessive with their love or unrightous and incorrect - considering that this is most likely based on Mariqueen and Trent, they have rattled the world a bit, Trent being the frontman of a harsh rock band known for its depressing and angry themes and involvement in drugs, Nine Inch Nails and Mariqueen bit less rattling, having been a former vocalist of West Indian Girls and a Playboy model for one of their magazines, but them two together - that have rattled the world, receiving some negative and racist reaction after finding out about the two getting married, even producing a song called "The Space In Between" which talks about their relationship and how the media has been treating them.

for hannigram, these lyrics remind me of them due to this, how they view unity and courtship. They seem to infect each other like parasites - they are quite dangerous to each other and to others around them. Hannibal seems to be like a parasite, he latched himself into Will and since then, hasn't let go of the idea that Will should be his and like him, trying to turn Will into him and understand him as he slowly feeds off of Will's sanity. Will recognises that after realising that Hannibal framed him for his own murders and tries to get revenge, letting Hannibal indulge in him and try to pretend to become Hannibal to try and frame him too, but this ends up with them slowly become more and more dependent on each other, to the point where they can't deny it anymore. It wasn't Will's intention at first, but as time passed by, they both have willingly began to accept each other and Will finally let Hannibal in. Both feel and need each other, they believe in each other, they agree to devotion to each other and admit to how they have changed each other.

in conclusion this is their song fr (<- what i say about every song i ever hear)

------------------------------

additional notes:

i've learned whilst researching for this that another song by htda, "the space in between" was actually used in a promo for hannibal holy shit i have this song in my playlist i am so writing about that one later

i have so many songs that technically apply for season 3 or where i could mention s3 and its driving me insane omfg but anyhow

i recommend the whole self-titled ep by them, it is very good

anyway hope you enjoyed<3

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dearweirdme · 11 days

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https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/750824747657494529/whats-weird-to-me-is-how-completely-silent-jikook

yepp i have a twt acc and the daeun topic is slowly just disappearing mainly because jkkrs are very silent and not saying much (smart? ig?) only tweeting subtle shade and that too i have to lurk and see what is going on

unfortunately, the only people keeping this alive are tkkrs who are jm antis and i don't really follow jm anti tkkrs so my timeline comes up pretty empty for daeun

i just kinda think its not fair, we went through a war with taennie and daeun was talked about for literally a day thats all? lol? great ig? i feel like a horrible person for wanting more talk around this tho

Hi anon!

Mmm, tkkrs are scarred by Taennie. And to see how a rival ship just glosses over something that very much points to their ship not being real is annoying maybe? Jkkrs are not really doing something diff than usual, I mean.. there’s plenty they keep glossing over continuously. Like, Jm and Jk not having spent much time together last year. They try to downplay it now, but when it was happening they were concerned. Usually they just throw either GCF Tokyo or Rose Bowl in your face and call it a day.. if you’re really unlucky they’ll show you one of their number games I guess.

It’s probably going to settle soon and plenty of Jkkrs will stay, but some will probably also leave after a while. Something this strong creeps into people’s brains and while on the outside they might act unbothered it’s probably something they feel very unsettled by on the inside. If last year was cause for some people to doubt the realness of Jkk.. I’m pretty sure this is even more cause.

For Jm’s sake I’m kinda glad this isn’t talked about much. It must be really hard for him to not be able to do something (especially when perhaps they are still together).

#fandom shenanigans #members

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ramblesbiab · 6 months

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(so uh. i deleted this earlier cuz i got some negative comments and felt bad but im putting it back up now cuz i like it still.)

Gosh, slowly entering Blue Eye Samurai Tumblr is kinda disappointing with how many people are against headcannoning Mizu's gender. I personally view Mizu as a gal, which seems to be the prevailing opinion often stated with the most contempt for headcannons. But not acknowledging other interpretations goes against the very idea of literature if you ask me. Mizu's story can be viewed in plenty of ways that are all unique and wonderful.

Cis female is often defended as the only identity which properly aligns with the difficulty of fighting societal expectations of gender at the time of this story, but the fact is, any trans perspective would also obviously be against the expectations of 1600's Japan. I say any trans perspective because there's three main ones, from what I've seen at least - Trans Male, Trans Female, and Nonbinary.

I have a lot to say so I'm putting the rest under a read more lol. Also fair warning I'm not actually that good at describing things, but I promise I'm trying my best. :)

(From here on, I'll be switching Mizu's pronouns per section.)

Trans Male

Trans Male is an incredibly evident interpretation. Mizu has a traditionally male name in Japanese culture from what I've learned, binds his chest, presents as male and worries about being seen as female. Yes, there's the counterpoint to this stance of Mizu saying he "had to be a man" for the sake of getting revenge, however, he says this to a man he's taken interest in. A man who, given the society then live in, would likely not understand or agree with the idea that Mizu considers himself a man, let alone like him still.

This is a point where Mizu is, arguably, at his weakest, giving into society for the sake of happiness, which is still powerful from a trans male perspective, of a trans man feeling trapped but desperately clinging to anything that makes life feel okay, even if it involves breaking away from his own comfort.

As a trans woman I can't speak specifically on that, but in the year before I started socially transitioning, I would cling to anything that made me feel happy despite the pain of being seen as a man that came with it. It's valid for a pre- or non-transitioning trans person to sacrifice some gender comfort for other comfort if that's all they can attain for the time being.

Back to Mizu, I don't think it's less powerful for moments of "Mizu is nervous about being found to be a woman" to be turned into "Mizu is feeling pain from being misgendered and wishing he could live truly as himself." It's not an interpretation I personally follow, so I'm certain it could be better articulated by someone else, but it still upsets me that some people try to invalidate it.

Trans Female

So, this is one I haven't seen as often, or at all truthfully, but I found myself relating to Mizu as she effectively has to boymode throughout the story. It recontextualizes Mizu saying she "had to be a man", now being a truthful statement about the desperation to be seen as her real self, and turns her time as a wife into even more of an escape. Further on, it makes Mizu being referred to as a monster more depressing, as it rings true to an unfortunately real part of life, of transphobes feeling a sense of unearned betrayal upon finding out someone they like is trans.

It adds to the relief of Mizu removing her binding and relaxing, and to the pain of Mizu trying to come out to Master Eiji while he denies it. Given the society Mizu lives in, it's such a painful desire to have to want to be a girl - to know your destiny is something that will hurt you. Living as a girl would make her happy, so she doesn't want to be happy. She needs to lie, and escape from desire, so she looks for a way to feel satisfied while repressing her feminine side.

As a trans woman, this sensation is like the struggle accepting one's identity, along with trying to avoid accepting it even once it has become obvious. Being trans is not easy, it never has been, so it's not unrealistic that Mizu would latch onto priorities, or at least what she convinces herself are priorities as a method of escapism.

Honestly, it's not the easiest position to defend, as it's one of the least clear out of the possible Mizu headcannons, but it's still important to me that I pointed it out.

Nonbinary

It's time for my hottest take - Mizu's gender doesn't have to matter in the story. Yes, as many have pointed out, the disparity in social recognition between male and female can be incredibly important in their journey, but it's not required for every single interpretation of Mizu. Mizu wants revenge - they've made it evidently clear that this takes priority over everything else, over friendship, romance, and most likely, gender.

Now, I'm not saying nonbinary as a label is equal to disregarding gender, but in the case of Mizu - whose name means "water", or fluid - I feel it's applicable. I've talked a lot about priorities before as an excuse, but what if they're not? What if Mizu simply doesn't care for gender in any way? They certainly don't agree with social conventions, unless we consider how they see themselves and white men as demons, but that doesn't necessarily relate to gender.

It's hard to find direct examples of Mizu being nonbinary, as they live in an incredibly binary world where they serve as the exception. Mizu sticks out everywhere, too masculine to be a woman and too feminine to be a man, so they rest elsewhere, never seen correctly by another character in the story. Ringo says that it's okay they're a woman, Fowler insults them for it. Taigen and Akemi both have no reason to believe Mizu isn't a man, no matter how they feel about it.

Mizu only needs themself, because only they understands themself. They represent an idea that, in their time, doesn't exist - being neither man or woman - which opens up new ways of interpreting the events which Mizu goes through.

Conclusion, I guess

Which then leads to the point of this post which has gone on longer then I thought. New and unique ways to interpret a story are vital to media and literature as a whole, so why would we stop others from expressing and experiencing that? Unless a take is genuinely harmful or presented as though anyone who doesn't believe it is stupid or viewing the story incorrectly, then please, don't dissuade them - encourage them!

Learn more from others, share ideas and points about this amazing show, analysis and have fun, good-natured debates! That's the moral of this post. Have a nice day, everyone.

#repost #blue eye samurai #mizu blue eye samurai #transgender #trans male #trans female #nonbinary #media #literature #analysis #it has set in that #if I don't like negative comments #then i either have to get used to them #or get of the internet #lol

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nightcolorz · 29 days

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Hiii. I love your acc and the analyses you've made of TVC characters; reading your posts has expanded and helped me articulate the ideas I already had. Anne Rice as an author was very revealing, I mean, by reading her books and analyzing the characters and their dynamics, you get a lot of information about her as a person. That's very interesting. I think all authors put a bit of themselves into their works, but with Anne Rice it feels more personal, maybe because there are quite a few books following the same characters. What do you think?

omg thank you so much 🥹❤️ the makes me so happy. I agree wholeheartedly with ur take on Anne rice. The books are suuuper personal, sometimes to the point where I almost feel like I shouldn’t have access to them 😭 like I’m reading someone’s weird diary. I think this was because her writing functioned as her only outlet. like iwtv was so visceral and sad bcus it was such a raw unfiltered expression of her grief, and the rest of the books all follow the same format (to varying degrees of quality lol).

When it comes to the characters, she was open about how every character is in some way representative of a part of her (especially Lestat and Louis). U can analyze for days how Louis and lestats evolutions r akin to witnessing evolutions of Anne rices mental health, Louis her former self insert created during probably the darkest time in her life later becoming a representation of what she considers the worst parts of herself that she is ashamed of and being basically cut from the series, and Lestat going from an embodiment of her fraught relationship with her husband in iwtv to in tvl a power fantasy who she wishes she was like to at the same time a mouth piece for her existential dread and loneliness and anxieties

The way that lestats religious crisis and manic breakdown from Memnoch to blood canticle aligns perfectly with Anne rice’s own religious crisis and sudden shift in her work is so crazy to me😭 and then there’s Anne rice literally using Lestat as a blatant mouth piece to scream at the audience in the iconic blood canticle opening monologue of course, how could we forget. A lot of the time the personal nature of these books makes the technical quality of them worse, but even still it is one of the major reasons why I love them so much. Part of it is that reading something so personal and unfiltered, where u get the impression that the author wasn’t thinking at all about how it would come off to people while writing it, makes it feel almost more real to me? Or more authentic? Reading tvc sometimes makes me feel like I’m reading actual history or personal accounts from real people. And the bad writing and offensiveness and heaps of bullshit and the pages of unrelated tangents adds to this in a way 😭. Like yeah this is exactly what reading a biography by a hundreds of years old vampire would be like lmao.

I love interpreting themes in these books so much because I often feel like Anne rice didn’t place them there on purpose. She had a very “I’ll just write whatever is in my mind and the themes will happen on there own” approach, and they did! and for someone like me analyzing it is super rewarding. Figuring stuff out that the author wasn’t even aware of, basically. Tvc are rich with meaning in a way that only these books are, and the personal nature and the lack of thought into meaning or themes is I think majorly responsible. For me when it comes to fiction, I like to do the work. And Anne rice throwing her personal as hell freak sex vampire yaoi with the most agonizing portrayals of trauma and mental illness ever no editing no forethought out into the world definitely gives me room to do the work 😭

Also, I tend to really only enjoy art if I feel like it is a messy reflection of the creator. I’m not sure why but I can never really get into something unless I can see some of the creators flaws or baggage reflected in the work 😭 I feel like art isn’t rlly art to me if I don’t feel like a know the person who made it a little too well after seeing it. There’s something really special about finding out the worst parts of someone in a book, honestly. I love reading these and being like there is so much wrong with this woman and I know way too much about it 😭 she’s horrible but I’ve lived in her mind and I don’t wanna leave.

I admire in a way Anne rices unhinged abandon with how blatantly vent-like and unfiltered her books were (literally unedited 😭). She got extremely lucky making a career from it, typing out all her insane thoughts and feelings into gay vampires and becoming rich and famous. A girl can only dream for that life, I do that shit for free on a03. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered anything published that has the same energy as tvc in this way. The only thing that comes close would be like, a quotev fan fiction I read for laughs written by a ten year old in 2010 who is unintentionally revealing way too much to me about their semi concerning home life 😭. It’s wonderful! Thank u Anne rice for ur beautiful scary lack of shame u have given me so many things to write about on tumblr

#Thank u sm for the ask u r so sweet I’m so happy u like my blog sm #I’m sorry this response is a little jumbled I hope it was interesting to u #tvc #the vampire chronicles #vampire chronicles #vc #iwtv #interview with the vampire #Anne rice

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wrongcaitlyn · 3 months

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hi hi! first off I AM SUCH A HUGE FAN LIKE YOU HAVE NO CLUE. I literally shake every time you release a new chapter it’s insane. i’ve been following since… maybe chapter 14 of talk your talk and go viral (i just need this love spiral)? and i have been reading them as soon as they come out and wow. just read the new chapter shaking screaming crying throwing up. But to get to the actual ask i swear on my life that sometime in the og fic will said that he was going to make a solangelo ship account and become the biggest solangelo shipper lol. i just looked and it’s in chapter 21! “Which is a strange concept to think of, obviously, but he’s going to move past that. The only thing that really matters is that he wakes up in Will’s arms, and Will, somehow, finds it all hilarious. He is, however, going undercover on his Kanye West hate account to become the number one Will Solace x Nico di Angelo shipper, and to most of stan twitter, he’s probably coming off as insane and delusional.”

please tell me if will actually went through with that account. cause i was kinda confused in the new chapter when will said the solangelo rumors were getting annoying. since yk. he was egging it on.

sorry for such a long ask but i’ve just been wondering and AAHHHH IM SUCH A HUGE FAN YOU HAVE NO IDEAAAAAA I also made a playlist for this fic that’s probably over 10 hours long at this point most of it consists of songs i think nico would make because i’m insane.

HI omg literally thank u so much😭😭💔💔 it makes me so happy that you like the fic that much!!!

to answer the question, he definitely did, at the beginning - but that was still very early on in nico’s career, and his fan base was pretty small (at least compared to how it skyrocketed later that year). i think there’s a very fine line between joking that “haha these friends would make such a cute couple i ship!” (what will was doing) compared to certain “fans” who will insist on nico coming out and them having a public relationship/trying to find “hints” and “clues” that aren’t there/theorizing abt them having broken up, or them pining, or basically just invading nico (and will’s) privacy (what will is annoyed by/what other ppl are doing).

will ended up abandoning that acc when he got to college (1 bc he didn’t have time and 2 bc of people becoming too invasive). will def was egging it on back in hs, mainly just to counter the piper x nico rumors and bc he thought it’d be funny, but it became clear at some point that people weren’t seeing the joke aspect of the ship, and taking it way too seriously (bc even tho will thought it’d be funny, he didn’t actually want to out either of them).

plus, yk what happened at the grammys. having ppl try to out nico or accuse him of queerbaiting is really not what will wants to encourage! he made a mistake bc he was a teenager and he is not perfect! (tho tbf, nico thought it was funny at first too, and then just kinda forgot abt it when he became less active on social media)

DROP THE PLAYLIST💳💥💳💥 (i literally have 20+ playlists for this fic and will never turn down some more. i have an obsession.)

tysm for the ask!!! this ended up being a very long response lmao but i have way too many thoughts abt this au😭

#wrongcaitlyn #talk ur talk asks #pjo #solangelo #solangelo fic #nico di angelo #will solace

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hees-mine · 2 days

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I really hope you choose to stay. Your writings are brilliant & i aspire to be as good as you.

I think you should ask everyone to not request parts & make that a rule & which they would get a warning to read the rules & then if they did it again they would get blocked? Idk just thinking of ideas to keep the peace & make it stress free for you.

I've only been a fan since destroyed but I really admire the way you respond to constructive criticism, but i just want you to know you don't have to please the people asking for part two & if you do choose to to please take your time & not worry about the ungrateful "fans" that choose to pressure you to the point of deactivating. I'm choosing to stay loyal to this tumblr acc even if it never sees another post again.

And some of these people are honestly a bit slow bc wdym ur asking for part two when it's titled "One Time", but whatever.

I prayed to have you come back bc I felt a bit guilty that I may have pressured you, but God ate & I think he brought you back?

(I'd love to be anon😣)

Short answer is yes I’m back lol

But I won’t be tolerating anything the first time someone slips up it’s done and I mean blocking type of done and turning off anon

Okay I have to address this first of all my writing is not that good and second you’ll probably grow to be a better writer than me in no time lol

Definitely going to be putting all that in place even though I mentioned it before I’m going to add it to my “rules” post

Right? Like I’m just gonna have to learn to write for myself if this keeps happening but hopefully it won’t like I said everyone apologized so I’m thinking we found that happy middle ground 👀

I know you haven’t been following me for long at all but thank you for your support and it looks like your prayers just might have worked 😉🩵

#hees-mine questions #hees-mine 😣 anon

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jazeswhbhaven · 2 days

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anon hate is really funny to me if i’m honest. i have a decently sized ff acc (4.5k) and i think i’ve only received 3-4 hate/weird messages? one of them was attacking me for my ethnicity, the other one for my name, and another one decided to double combo me and go for my ethnicity AND my name in one go. i think there was also another one? but it was kind of forgettable but the gist was insulting me for writing dark content which i found a little boring considering the amount of discourse that naturally exists in regards to such topics - i wanted something person :(. i just found it so funny when i got them; like, we’re both technically “anonymous online” (my face and irl info is hidden) but you just used an icon with glasses - this is so silly and for what. if you don’t like me, the block button is not a subscription service - you don’t have to pay $0.99 per account blocked, it’s free. people forget that you’re allowed to block people, even if it’s for “silly” reasons, i have like 1k+ accounts blocked on tumblr alone - let’s not even talk twt, you’re allowed to curate your online experiencing by blocking and following people however you want.

Attacking you for your ethnicity is wild because why does that matter? "OOP FOUND OUT YOUR XXX ETHNIC GROUP BLOCKING" okay be racist over there? lol and getting onto you for writing dark content??? again just block people what is the point of bitching to users about their content you don't have to see it if you don't want to. I normally don't block folks unless it's a minor trying to see nsfw stuff on my page(s), for racist, homophobic, or some shit that makes me not want to interact with said person. That or I mirror block just because. And even then mirror blocking ain't that deep for me. I always advocate for people to curate their space. As long as we're not spreading rumors, talking shit or trying to "black ball" me across fandoms? I'm going to react to that. It's unfair how anon hate, hate following, or burner account spamming chases off folks. Like leave people alone?

#jwhbasks❓#jwhbrandom blurbs🖤#yeah anon hate is crazy and a waste of the person's time

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lqfiles · 3 months

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heyy uhm thjs is my first time sending these kind of things and i js wanted to say that i really really reallyyyyy love stg, i've been reading it since chapter 10ish? but started following at about 20ish (srry abt that) and ik it doesn't mean much coming from an anonymous person but it makes me very happy (and PROUD) to see how many people are reading it now and how many asks you get :) overall im js immensely proud of you and your work

again ik it does not mean much coming from an anon but still you have no idea how great my days get when i get notis from your acc replying to questions or anons (cause i've figured it usually mean that you'll upload another chapter) ANYWAYS i've been struggling a LOT these few months, and one of the only things I seriously look up to is stg, so again, thank you SO so much :(

you don't even have to reply to this or anything (bc tbh i wouldn't know what to say either lol) but i would appreciate it if you could at least read it and know just how much power your ideas and writing actually have <3

also not sure if 50 was the last chapter (?) i was planning on writing smth like this when the smau ended BUT ITS WHATEVER RLLY !! anyways i will never be able to thank u enough for taking your time in this and genuinely putting effort and feelings on it, you are amazing !!

also im from Chile so idk if i made any mistakes while typing this… whatever i'll make sure to support you through each and every work of yours from now on ! take care <333

(god this was a little long IM SORRY again you don't have to reply to this i js hope u read it and know just how capable and dedicated you are and how happy you can make other people iwnsnsks <3)

anon you actually made me tear up wthh :(( LONG ANSWER INCOMING……

i think this is the best thing i could’ve been told and hear, and the fact that it’s anonymous doesn’t change how much your words mean to me trust me. i honestly wasn’t sure how commited i’d be to this smau since i never have managed to finish a slow burn ideas because of the lack of creativity. but i think the fact that you still kept up from such an early chapter (when i remember pointing out that i’m really just writing this without a full plot yet multiple times) is endearing and don’t worry, i don’t take it to heart that you didn’t follow me immediately loll, for all you knew this could’ve been the shittiest piece of writing and then you’d have to just unfollow lmaooo. also i think it’s cute that those who have kept up from early on until now have witnessed with me the growth of this series and the support on it 😭 i remember when 70 notes in day alone excited me and would get giddy by getting a SINGLE ask hsjdjdjd and now i’ve had chapters with 400 notes and get 10+ asks ??? i didn’t even really dwell on it that you guys who have been ogs too have seen the growth too :(( i think it’s quite funny, because last year, i rarely got any asks and barely checked on this account except for posting some drabbles here and there, and didn’t even speak to any mutuals, i remember i told myself i’d keep this a writing blog only without interacting much at all but ever since stg i’m surprised by the amount of mutuals i’ve made and how many people are really perceiving my account AND how interactive i’ve been even tho i’d usually log out immediately after posting something lmaoo! it’s cute and i appreciate you for sticking around and being proud of me !!! it honestly catches me off guard when some of you say that stg is the highlight of your day or how much you love it or how it has inspired you to start writing yourself, because i can’t comprehend myself being influential like that at ALL 😭😭 but at the same time it warms my heart every time because it makes me feel useful…? i like seeing people happy and feel inspired by something i did so seeing people be so happy of a mere chapter really does make me smile :) i’m sorry to hear that life is hard on you, but again it means a lot to me knowing stg DOES affect your day positively (can’t believe we’ll be reaching the end tho..)

this wasn’t the last chapter, i got two more and then some bonus chapters so i hope you’ll enjoy them and my future work as well anon <33 i’ll continue to pour my effort and feelings into my writing love you and thank you for making time to write this !!!

#asks.#from anon #( score that goal! )#i’ll cherish this message tysm!#also i think it’s funny how you’ve picked up on the #‘when lqfiles answers asks a new chapter is coming’ LMAOOO i was wondering if anyone else noticed that

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solomonish · 11 months

Text

Ok, it's about time I talk about this blog for a little bit.

Don't look so scared! There's good news ahead!

Alright, so it's obvious by now that I've kind of fallen out of the Obey Me! fandom. Before Nightbringer came out, I just burned out with the constant events and the difficulty in progressing through the main story and levelling up cards. Plus, I had gotten pretty invested in Twisted Wonderland and Genshin Impact, so my attention just never stuck with Obey Me. Eventually I drifted away to other blogs for other fandoms, leaving this one in the dust. I may have said that I wasn't leaving for good, but inspiration never struck me, so it was kind of like I had given up anyway.

I've been playing Nightbringer casually since it came out, and I'll be honest...it has the same problems as OG Obey Me. However, I am still kind of interested in the main story, and my love for Solomon has been reinvigorated <3 (Not that I ever stopped, of course.) I was hoping I'd get at least a few ideas to toss into the void, but alas...that didn't happen either, and I'm not the kind of person who can or wants to force myself to write.

So, where's the good news?

Well, I'm not ready to say I'm done with Obey Me for good. I'll be honest with you right now: any Obey Me fics will probably be few and far between. This is due to a variety of factors, including but not limited to a general decrease in fixation and the simple fact that I'm older and have a lot more to focus on in my life. But I do still have a soft spot for these boys (mostly Solomon. It's like 99% Solomon.), and I miss you guys! I still get notifs every day and I'm honored and astounded that people still like my works. Even though I have a LONG list of complaints with Obey Me at this point, being in this fandom has never been boring or negative for me. I've genuinely missed the experiences and connections I made here that I lost with my dwindling presence in the fandom.

So, FINALLY, here's where the good news is: I don't think I'm finished with Obey Me. I will still be pretty absent on this blog for a while, but I've decided on a plan that will help me feel less stressed to write whatever I want.

Sometime in the future - so, not right now (and in fact it will probably be a while) - I plan on remaking my blogs. I'm going to start an all-new x reader blog, much like this one, but multifandom. That way, when I feel like writing for a fandom I'm not all that present in anymore, I won't feel guilty for resurrecting a dead account and potentially giving you all false hope.

When this time comes, I'll be a little annoying with the promo to ensure that you won't miss it. There's no guarantee, but I'm really hoping that this blog will be permanent for my reader insert writing, rather than my trend of making a new blog per fandom.

I don't expect you to follow it or even really care, of course. Even though I have built a healthy separation between myself and my online presence, I did still feel a little bad about leaving you all hanging. I'm sure it gets annoying when I'm constantly promoing blogs and changing my URLs, but......well, I apologize for the inconvenience ^u^

Before you leave, let me tell you two more things!

1.) My old NSFW blog, solomonish-afterdark, is no longer a NSFW-only blog. I haven't removed any of my fics, but I reblogged a lot of my old fics on various blogs to that account. It's now sort of a fanfic archive! I was originally planning to use that as my catch-all fandom writing acc, but I just didn't like the organization of that. I can't explain it lol but it was just STRESSING ME OUT. So I changed the url (it's now @/sampologist) and it'll probably stay as an archive forever. Sorry :(

2.) I've gotten a lot of notes and asks about Love Disconnection. Thank you so much for reading it, enjoying it and talking to me!! I do actually really want to continue it, but if/when I do, I'm going to warn you that I'm probably going to rewrite the first part before I add any more. Don't worry, it'll keep the same plot, premise and vibe! I just think I've improved a little bit since I wrote it - and, TBH, there was already a big plot hole I wrote myself into that I was dreading explaining my way around. I'm making no promises! But it does still occupy a slice of my brain, even after all this time.

That's it for now, I think. Sorry if this wasn't as good as I may have gotten your hopes up to be, but I'm looking forward to this change! I'm going to wait until my interest in my current fandoms fades a little bit before I start the arduous transition, so if I get that divine inspiration for these boys in the meantime I'll be sure to post it here! Until then, I hope you understand why I've left and why I've been so reluctant to leave permanently. And I hope you can stick with me through one more move, if that interests you when it's time.

Thank you for reading this far, and thank you so so so much for all of your support! My time on this blog has been endlessly fun, and I really do hope I can add to the Solomon pool once more. You've all been so incredible, supportive, fun, and so much more. I've thoroughly enjoyed my time in this fandom, from drunkenly posting about catboy Solomon a few days after my 21st birthday to the day we finally got to call him our boyfriend in canon. You're always welcome to drop by my ask box and chat if you want! Until then, thank you all for everything.

(and if you're interested in keeping up with me now, but somehow missed these announcements: my main is @/kusemai, my twst blog is @/ridhearts, and i have a touchstarved blog @/kurasthetic. you can also find me on twitter @/KARANO1A if the site doesn't crumble into a thousand pieces.)

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dulcesiabits · 4 months

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hello!!! idk if u answered a question like this before but how do u grow ur writing acc ??? i only post my writing on my acc and then just dip afterwards 😭😭 i do follow writers that i like but im actually intimidated to just go into their ask/inbox to interact. i'm also too shy to reblog and add comments/tags on their writing cuz i think that they might find it annoying 😭 so pls if u have some advice pls help a girlie out 🥹 thank uuu

Hi!! I actually have answered a similar question to this before on things to consider when it comes to gaining notes <3 Caveat, of course, that these are all my personal opinions, and it's fine if it doesn't reflect or address your situation 100%!

To repeat some of my points from that post, I think it's important to remember that luck is a huge part of how your blog takes off, because you can't control which pieces people will resonate with. Notes are not always going to be a reflection of your own skills or abilities. Additionally, it might help to set concrete goals for what blog growth looks like, too! Does that mean, say, 1000 followers? Or having three people leave comments on your posts? What are you looking for specifically? Community? Notes? Validation? None of these are inherently bad things to want, of course! We all write for different reasons, but it might help to set concrete, achievable goals for yourself.

But to answer your immediate concerns, I think it's totally fine to reblog fics with tags, and to interact with authors! Think of it this way: would you be happy if someone were to interact with you, or to reblog your fic with nice tags? If so, then it stands to reason others would appreciate it if you do the same! But it's also completely understandable to be nervous about interacting with others <3 If it helps, maybe you could start with just trying to contact one person, and seeing how it goes from there! Sure, there is a chance of rejection, but it is most likely not personal; maybe the other person is also shy, or not online that often or they simply aren't looking for companionship.

Anyways, this is probably the cheesiest thing I can say, but I also mean it with complete sincerity: running your blog should be fun for you! Writing should be fun! And it's fine if you want to stick with it, or to drop it or find something else to do in the future. I always make sure to follow that rule first and foremost, which is why I might make five posts in one day or skip tumblr for two weeks to focus on my personal life lol

#liya answers #i should also add consistently posting might help bring in followers #if ur only worried about like numerical growth #but u will get burned out. and it will not be fun when u treat urself like a writing machine #at least it was not fun for me LOL

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dr-wormman · 1 year

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Hello and welcome to my very cool Fernando essay. Rant. Thing. Might make sense and might not. I don't know

For those unaware (I can't imagine anyone who follows me for my Paladins art doesn't, but if you don't I still love you dearly), the Fernando that we know and love isn't actually *Fernando*-- he's a guy pretending to be his late mentor (AKA the REAL Fernando. Fernando no.1). This means that anything that Fernando no.2 says or does may or may not be indicative of how he actually feels or thinks, which makes it kind of difficult to get a feel for how he actually is under the armor. but I think I might Get It.

I don't know if I'm going to phrase this how I am thinking it but I will try: Fernando reminds me a bit of Don Quixote… Unlike Don Quixote, Fernando is quite literally a knight who does real knight things, but he’s similar in the way he acts like how he Thinks a knight acts. To the point where it's so exaggerated and comical that it feels like a caricature. He is genuinely courageous and confident (how much of that confidence is genuine I don't know) but that confidence is (translated?) into narcissism and that courage into recklessness. He's definitely reckless, but I think most of that narcissism is an act– a way for him to not only convince others, but also himself that he IS Fernando and he's proud of it. He's likely self-aware that he acts like a jackass (or maybe he isn't and he has more in common with Don Quixote than I think) but he can't really tone it down at this point because he's established That That Is How Fernando Acts. Speaking of jackassery… His flirting with women.

I think two things are happening here; 1) he's leaning way too far into the ‘chivalrous lady’s man knight’ persona he thinks All Knights Have, and 2) he's trying REALLY hard to make sure no one finds out he's gay. (and also the devs did not plan to make him gay. Lol). Based on one of the lines from… I think Cassie? He's been persistent in his flirting with her even though she's said that she doesn't like it…So not cool… I think he does this partly because he IS kind of a jackass at heart but also because he's thinking “if I show that I'm REALLY into women then no one will suspect that I'm Not”. May also be because he thinks all knights do this. Quick detour for a second; I'm pretty sure he's basing what he knows about knights on what he's seen from his mentor, so he's actually doing a pretty good job impersonating him, but he also doesn't realize that he's not obligated to act this way. People can change, even your dead mentor that you're impersonating. He doesn't know this, because he might actually be as silly as he acts (I haven't decided yet). Anyway, back to The Closet of His Own Making… I don't think homophobia exists in the Paladins universe (there are magic crystals and rabbit people and the giant worm who wants to eat the universe. Gay people are the least of their concern) so there wouldn't be any backlash if he were to come out (or even engage in homosexual activity on the DL). So he's not concerned with it having any repercussions on his career as a knight, or public opinion, or whatever, just with it potentially giving away that he isn't who he says he is (which I guess would end up impacting those things anyway. Huh). A lot of people point to Fernando flirting with women as ‘evidence’ of him being straight (I mean, you can HC whatever you want, I don't care, but if the devs say it's canon, it's canon, no matter how… Not Thought Out it Was) but I'm actually really happy about those lines because I feel it adds to the Fucked-upness of his character.

I wrote something a little while ago that I'm basically going to summarize now; I feel like… Fernando is VERY insecure. That's probably obvious, Considering, you know, He's impersonating another dude. It's like he has imposter syndrome… but he kind of IS an imposter– he would be, 100%, if it weren't for the fact that he has actually done things, and accomplished things, he's not just taking credit for things he hasn't done while he sits back and does nothing – all of Fernando no.1’s accomplishments prior to his death do not belong to Fernando no.2, but everything after that Does, and I would say that Fernando no.2 has accomplished more than Fernando no.1 if you look at where he’s at now. He's constantly worried about slipping up, saying more than he should, saying the Wrong thing, etc. He’s like “I could expose myself as a fraud at any moment” but he's NOT a fraud at this point. Would there still be disastrous consequences if he revealed himself? Yeah, probably. It's weird, because he's not Fernando but he also IS… He's fought in battles and won, just not as himself. Do you get what I'm saying. He's done the thing he says he does, just not ALL the things. Fernando doesn't realize this, of course, because he's just as silly as he acts (I've decided) and so his internal monologue is a nonstop stream of “I'll never be him, I'll never be as great as him, my life is a lie, I'm not actually as brave/confident/handsome/chivalrous as he was, Etc.”

This has got to be stressful as hell, so why does he keep doing it? I don't know. Lol. But I have a theory (this entire thing has been a theory. Headcanon. Whatever). Fernando genuinely enjoys the attention, the fame, and the money that he gets as Fernando, that's obvious, because why else would he put himself through all this? We know he doesn't come from a noble or rich family (and also received no formal training!!), so I'm thinking he wouldn't have gotten all this popularity if he had just been himself, and he knew this. I'm torn between the idea that he always wanted to fight and be a knight, or him just wanting notoriety and so he decided knighthood would do that for him (horrible sentence structure, couldn't figure out how to write it). It could also be a situation similar to Kinessa’s and why she left the military– because while she Does like sniping, she wasn't getting the money and fame she wanted while she was working for the Magistrate. If Fernando genuinely wanted to fight, he could have enlisted in the Magistrate’s army (or joined the resistance. maybe? Unsure of how old he was when the crystal war shit all started or if he would actually agree with them) or if he was just obsessed with the idea of being a knight, he could do that. The issue for him would be that he doesn't get any fame doing that as Himself. He is a nobody, and while a nobody could become a somebody, it's difficult, and I imagine it would be especially difficult in this sort of pseudo-medieval setting we’ve got going on where 5/10 people are either skilled warriors, literal gods/demons, magical, or have some sort of high status (leader of a kingdom, military, criminal organization, Whatever). Fernando is obviously skilled at combat so I don't think the knight thing was just for funsies. Uhhhhh I had something else to say but I forgot. Will add it here if I remember. It's like “I have to keep doing this because without it I am Nothing.”

Anyhow, I think while we’re probably never going to see this happen officially, Fernando is going to have a breakdown where he sort of implodes from all of the stress that comes with Pretending to be Another Dude for YEARS. Maybe he's just like “shit I can't do this no more” or… Considering he's with the New Magistrate (Aico) now, and working alongside Rei, Khan, and Lian (at least… We see him next to those three in one of the cinematics so I'm assuming that's the case), maybe someone decides to do some digging. A background check. That would be interesting I think.

#text post #paladins #paladins champions of the realm #fernando paladins #love this guy if you couldn't tell #there are so many more things I would like to say but I couldn't fit them in here cause they're would ruin the cohesiveness

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