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jasperwhitcock · 4 years

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02. DISTRACTIONS

i’ve decided to continue with the au of bella as a vampire & edward as a human inspired by a post from @bellasredchevy, so here’s another installment (you can read the first chapter here). if anyone has thoughts on if it’d be more preferable for me to post this fanfic on wattpad/fanfiction.net/another website rather than posting it on tumblr, let me know :-) if not, i’ll continue to post here & figure out some tag to make it easier to find!

The boys had left for a hunting trip, so I found myself falling victim to what Alice liked to call a “sleepover”. It was a ridiculous name for this kind of occasion. An unfortunate part of what we were consequently lost us the ability to sleep and thus, dream. I had found this to be something I considered an advantage when I was first changed. I had so much extra time I could devote to reading! Unfortunately, the excitement didn’t last very long. I still enjoyed the benefits of all the ample time, but I did miss the creativity of my subconscious that allowed me to live in other worlds unrestricted by the more sentient, aware parts of my mind. I missed escapism.

I even missed the nightmares at times. I had been such a vivid dreamer.

Additionally, it was even further ridiculous to refer to this as a sleepover when we spent every night together. Without the sleep and the ‘over’ aspect of spending the night away from home, this was definitely the worst sleepover I’d been to in the course of my existence.

Although, as a bonding time amongst the women of the Olympic Coven, with the exception of some of Alice’s ideas for activities, I enjoyed this kind of night very much. I’d have gone with the boys to hunt if I had any intention of returning to school tomorrow. I’d owe them an explanation when they returned as for the tension that filled the car as we drove home from school. I hated to be the center of attention, so I was appreciative when Alice and Rosalie agreed to keep the horrific encounter a secret for now. I didn’t want the scrutiny of their concern nor the dramatics of the situation.

I was lucky that they had plans with Carlisle. Rosalie was able to convince Emmett and Jasper to begin their night early by allowing us to drop them off at the hospital – much to the dismay of my bulkier brother who had spent his day eagerly anticipating our rematch. My other sister easily dismissed their suspicion of our motives. Nobody questioned Alice twice. I was glad to have more time to mull over what to say to Carlisle. As much as I wanted his guidance, if I could put off growing the audience to my moment of weakness for another couple of hours, I’d gladly take the distraction of Alice braiding my hair into a long plait down my back while she blasted music in the garage where Rosalie worked.

Typically when we had nights like these, we each selected an activity to do together. Alice made the choice – unfortunately for me – to sort through all of our closets and rid them of items she no longer deemed wearable. With the exception of a few favorites, we rarely wore the same things twice, so it seemed like a waste of time. That is until I realized that this was all just a ruse to chastise me for the items of clothing she stocked in my closet that I didn’t wear. My small, voyeuristic sister was pleased with Rosalie and Esme, creating a nice, substantial pile of clothing to donate, whereas my closet ended up acquiring even more clothing than before. I was far too moody to care to protest.

Esme arranged for the four of us to paint together while some french movie played in the background. As an added challenge, she had Alice describe a vision to us, and we all attempted to capture the image on our canvases. Rosalie simply wanted our company as she continued her ongoing project of restoring yet another classic car that she’d eventually gift as an item for a charity auction. My activity of choice usually was the same: I’d select a book for us to read, and we’d have a book club to conclude the night once we’d all finished.

Tonight, however, I wasn’t feeling entirely up for it. Although I definitely wouldn’t mind the fictional escape away from Forks, I didn’t have it in me to sincerely participate in the conversation that would follow.

I wanted to move beyond the events of this afternoon already. As much as it disconcerted me, I didn’t want to be so severely consumed. I was growing irritated with the feelings of disappointment that preoccupied me. I had taken my ease in this life for granted.

Although I knew it wasn’t his fault, I found myself becoming frustrated with the Masen kid. When I began to see eyes materializing in the green brush strokes of the trees of my painting, I unintentionally destroyed my canvas. Something about the perplexity in his shockingly perceptive irises and the intelligence that marked his thick eyebrows when they pulled together was inexplicably haunting me. The irony of feeling haunted when I was the undead creature was not lost on me.

“I’ll grab you another one, dear,” Esme soothed, exchanging worried glances with Rosalie and Alice before disappearing to bring me another large square of coarse, woven white fabric to vandalize.

When the lyrics of the song Alice sang along to as Esme handed Rosalie the tools she needed began to creep into my head and develop new meanings I didn’t want to hear, I abruptly sprang from the driver's seat of Rose’s convertible and ran from the garage. I wanted to unravel in peace.

I stopped when I reached the large, grey stones of the riverbank.

The forest was peaceful. It was nearly dawn; a pale, purple-grey tinted light cloaked the scenery before me, the orange and pink hues of the morning sun that should fade into the navy-black of the night sky were hidden behind a thick layer of rain clouds. The water of the river flowed sinuously by as some birds sang far in the distance. The greenery was enveloped in the fallen rain of the night, droplets of water clinging stunningly to every blade of grass, every needle of pine of the lush vegetation like crystals and diamonds. A cold mist intimately caressed the river, enveloping the landscape in a fresh haze. I could now see the vision Alice described a few hours prior come to life. Here I stood now, quietly, amongst the skyline of trees in daybreak.

I closed my eyes to the muted beauty of this morning, indifferent to the ephemerality of the moment. How many mornings had I seen like this? They were all already cemented in my infallible mind. I breathed in, the cold air whistling deliciously down my throat. On my tongue I could taste the minty, rain-kissed evergreens, the warm streams of blood pumping the tiny, fluttering heartbeats of the smallest animals, the earthy, sweet brooks leading back to the river. The wind softly stroked the sparkling spring water, and as I focused on the faint whisper of an insect’s fluttering wings, I heard the lithe, recognizable stride of my adopted mother approaching. With her came new scents and sounds – white gardenia, freshly baked bread, honey, peach blossoms, a whisper of lush silk, a hiss of air, a gentle nuzzling of fast footsteps on glossy moss.

She arrived by my side but said nothing, joining me in my silent reverie.

“You have nothing to say?” I asked after we stood there for some time, Esme watching what I assumed was the faint hint of the sun rising beyond the clouds, lifting the overcast view into lighter shades of blue-grey. I could feel the slight difference in temperature against my skin.

“Is there something you wish for me to say, sweetheart?” Esme asked gently.

I finally opened my eyes, turning to meet her topaz eyes full of love and patience.

“Not really,” I half-smiled, feeling guilty.

Her beautiful mouth widened into a smile, lighting up her heart-shaped face. She seemed to find some humor in my honesty, letting out a peal of laughter that frightened some distant creatures into silence at the unexpected sound of bells. Her caramel-colored waves of hair shook lightly with the motion.

“Oh, my Bella.” Instantaneously, I was enveloped in her warm, velvet arms. “It is absolutely valid to feel such despondency, but we must celebrate that we are not mourning the loss of another life! For that, I am very proud of you. And I’ve been so relieved that in this life you’ve never had to grieve the mistakes that even I have made...but we would never feel differently towards you if you had. Nor do we feel differently that you’re experiencing a struggle much more strenuous than before.”

She paused before continuing more fervently, “it makes you no less strong, and you will have the strength to resist...I believe that with all my heart. Please don’t feel so disappointed with yourself. You must give yourself some credit and patience and forgiveness. It pains me to see you so cheerless!”

“I’m sorry I seem so...down,” I sighed, resting my head dejectedly on her shoulder. “I guess, to be frank, it just...sucks to feel like I don’t have the super sense of self control that I thought I did. I’m beginning to feel bad for Jasper now,” I snorted bitterly.

She laughed again at my colloquial choice of words.

“Perhaps you owe him an apology. You and your brother have given him an awful lot of trouble for how he struggles,” my mother accused me teasingly, stroking my hair just as my sisters had. The comfort was nice, but I also felt irrationally remorseful to have any need for it.

“Yeah, maybe I do,” I frowned, thinking of having to put aside my pride.

She pulled away to hold me at arm’s length, cautiously studying my face.

After a moment, she pulled me against her again in another embrace.

“I will leave you alone now. It seems you would benefit from some more time by yourself to think without your sisters’ futile attempts to distract you.”

I could tell she was smiling from the way the words left her mouth. “But I won’t allow you to wallow in pity forever.”

Esme released me from the hug and reappeared four yards away from me, the expression on her perfect face stern. “So take the time you need to process how you’re feeling. But only be alone if you need to be. Don’t let yourself be lonely. That’s very important...You know where we will be.”

With that, she was gone.

I couldn’t understand why I was so inconsolable. Of course, I valued her words and the sentiment. My family’s understanding and support were wonderful to have, but I couldn’t shake the upheaval the boy’s blood had wreaked on my thoughts. It seemed to me a cruel joke, that after all these years of so naturally adjusting to this life, I now experienced the true, macabre consequences of this form. Would I have traded the ease that had accompanied me until now if it meant I’d never have experienced a magnetism as strong as the sweet scent that lingered just beneath the Masen boy’s frail skin? Would I have chosen to struggle more the entirety of my existence if it meant I’d have avoided the ferocity of that moment in my suddenly not so banal biology class? Maybe I would have.

This must be some kind of punishment from some god somewhere. Why else would I experience such effortlessness only to be met with an unendurable, unassailable call to reject everything good about my existence? I never gave much thought to religion in either of my lives. I suppose that after I’d been changed, it’d seem like a far more interesting subject because what could be the implications of an existence such as mine? Did my being a monster provide more validity to the existence of a god? If mythological evil creatures plagued the earth, then couldn’t a supernatural deity who created the universe exist as well? Or did my being a monster provide evidence that there was no god – because who could create such a despicable creature?

It had been far more evocative a topic to Carlisle who had spent much of his life after his transformation pondering these questions, but in all truthfulness, it never bothered me much. I adjusted well to this life. I understood why I was changed and didn’t long for my humanity the way some of my other family members did. Of course, I hated the risk I posed to human life, but my conscience felt clear as my record remained clean. I never endured any self loathing for what I was.

Only now did I question myself. Only now did I wrestle with the ramifications of my immortality. Only now did I feel in its entirety – I had experienced strong desires for human blood before but never like this – the true shame of lusting for the end to someone’s precious life. Only now did I truly feel like the monster I was.

I was finally recognizing the wrongness within me.

I was mistaken to feel resentful and angry with the human boy. He did not make me this way. I had always been this way. I had just been blind to the fact for all these years. I had been naive.

He was entirely innocent and deserving of the life he would live. One where his future would not be stolen in a high school biology classroom as his body emptied. One where he would graduate and go on to better schools. One where he would have a successful job in something he was interested in that provided him with purpose. One where he would meet someone smart and kind. One where he would marry, have a family, and grow old surrounded by his progeny.

I suddenly experienced a strange sensation. A feeling I hadn’t felt in years – jealousy. Though I’d never envied a human before, I envied the possibilities this boy had. I never mourned the choices that were no longer available to me. I graduated countless times. I held countless jobs. I felt fulfilled in providing to the world with our philanthropy and loving my family. In that, I found purpose. I didn’t care to have children.

But did I care to experience romantic love?

I loved romance, but I never minded that it was unattainable to me beyond the pages of a novel. I’d met other vampires, but were the odds in my favor to find a soulmate amongst such a rare kind? I didn’t think so, and I was fine with that. I was happy in my solitude. At times, I was the odd one out in my coupled-off family, but I had often felt like the odd one out in my previous life. It wasn’t a new experience, so I never cared. But in thinking of this human boy’s life, free of monsters, free of me, I came to the realization that unlike myself, he could have anyone he wanted. He was not bound by anything other than maybe his own inhibitions. He had the luxury of choice in every aspect of his life but also in love. He had simply the luxury of love itself.

Why were these thoughts coming to me now? I had so much time to ponder my existence, and suddenly this encounter had me incomprehensibly considering inessential things.

I take back my previous feelings about the boy’s innocence. He is stupid and culpable. He’s inspiring stupidity in me.

He’s very fortunate that I have a conscience. I could just as easily murder him in irritation of the havoc his existence is inflicting on my life.

I refocused my thoughts on the scenery before me, longing for the previous morning where I watched the verdant motion of the trees outside the car window after Emmett’s silly destruction of the novel I still had yet to fix. Somehow, it seemed like a long time ago.

In that memory, I eventually found a small moment of peace again.

No painted eyes could haunt me here.

And yet, I was left with a sense of uneasiness, feeling as if my life thus far had been a long exposition, and I had just encountered the inciting incident. I was feeling – though I’d been irrevocably altered once before – as if something would soon change me forever.

we all know stubborn bella wouldn’t yeet herself to alaska like edward’s dramatic ass. hope y’all enjoy hehe <3

#twilight fanfiction #twilight renaissance #twilight au #twilight saga #the twilight saga #bella swan #edward cullen #jasperwhitcock #esme cullen #alice cullen #rosalie hale #vampire #equinoxjw

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mememanufactorum · 4 years

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Final Fantasy XIV Primal lyric starters

* FEEL FREE TO SHARE AS YOU PLEASE, NO CREDIT NEEDED. CHANGE PRONOUNS OR ANYTHING ELSE AS DESIRED.

-Under the Weight-

Cold are the hands that grasp at your soul

Bound to the dark, for the light I shun

Succumb to the hate that corrupts your fate

In spite of the blood that was spilt before, you whet your blades, you thirst for more

Now kneel, overdweller, your lord commands

There’s no salvation for the sons of man

The skies will tremble and the earth will quake

From the crumbling walls, no one escapes

I’ll drag you down to the seventh gate

-Thunder Rolls-

Thine advent quelleth creeping night

The wicked burn, their pyres bright

Soul without a name, heed my call

Sin doth stain the hearts of us all

Soon he too shall reap what is sown

Step into the storm, know its mercy

Let the wind and the rain crash down over thee

Soul fallen from grace, ware thee well

Judgment thou must face, thine own hell

Soul, thine end is nigh

Take my hand

All life must return to the land

Purge thy flesh of fear and be strong

Step in from the storm, praise its mercy

Let the sting of the rain never stray far from thee

Now lift thine heavy head and vanquish thine sorrow

Now turn thy gaze ahead and look to the morrow

-Oblivion-

There’s nothing left

Now close my eyes for one last time and say goodbye

The pain won’t cease

I’ll find no peace

We are taught to fear the reaper

I try and try but I can’t say no

This endless nightmare has just begun

My heart is dragging me down unto oblivion

The endless lies, I’ve cast aside

Steeled is my soul, my blood grown cold

I gain control

We all learn to fight the reaper

Can’t defeat her, so instead I’ll have to be her

My mind’s made up, my fear is gone

-Unbending Steel-

Red bloometh the rose of conviction

Red bloometh the rose of hate

Red bloometh the rose of conquest

Only blood will sate

The war, it wageth on

The storm, it rageth on

The bold ever fight on, their lives echo in song

All, like snow, they fall, petals plucked and strewn

The war still wageth on

The storm still rageth on

The bold blindly march on, their lives lost in a song

-Fiend-

What is it like when you pull back the curtain and realize every wrong is a right?

Your world is rusted like a dirty razor

You walk the path laid before you

The call of reason, you refuse to abide

Necessity is an inventive mother

You’ll find slumber when the world comes tumbling down

Retreat where lesser men lead

Flee from what you do not see

Heed the dark within your being

Waste no more time fighting your demons

Lay down your arms and let the evil inside

You let it eat until there’s nothing left at all, so you can feel that you are truly alive

Better to serve in a waking nightmare than to live in their paradise

What is gold always glitters, but it still comes with an unpayable price

You are the night at the end of the tunnel

The angels graze in the meadows of excess

-Equilibrium-

A heartbeat without harmony is moonlight without dark

The heart seeketh equilibrium

With balance will your worry part

-Locus-

Let go this destiny

You’re caught in a trance

The mortal coil we serve is taut like a spring

Our world’s a fantasy, no more than a test

No time enough tomorrow for turning back to where we began

This mortal coil we serve is naught but a spring

Your world’s a fantasy, you’ve failed the test

-Beauty’s Wicked Wiles-

In time, you shall follow

Behold as our burdens become south with the sun

Step from the dark to the light

Give into your hunger

Cast off inhibition, let passion run wild

Fuel the unquenchable fire

You needn’t hide

-Wayward Daughter-

Each petal a promise torn, shorn one by one and cast to the winds

I gave unto them my all

Wayward daughter, step into the night

Naught save the night shall know our sorrow

We give unto it our all

-Amatsu Kaze-

Is this divine torment or judgment, I know not

To the end of the world I flee to surrender to the whims of fate

He shirks not from my rage and speaks of destiny and defiance

Surrender to the wind

Surrender to the rage

-Sunrise-

Stranger to kindness until freed by love eternal, you and I

Honor binds me unto errant kin

If here I find my end, stay your tears for we shall meet again

As the light of the setting sun fades, bid farewell to me, beloved

In these fleeting moments, hold my hand as I whisper a silent prayer

Should dawn never break on this thousand thousand year night, I promise

Should I take to wing and seek you in every distant sky

One more life for us, one more chance – for this I pray, I beg, I plead

Dreams of you and me in my heart I hold forevermore

Wait for me, wait for me, my love

-eScape-

Come ride, heroes, ride

The storm heads gather

Why do weathered warriors wander their way whither wanting wonders wait?

Twixt the leaves you’ll find naught amiss – missing aughts and crossing fates

Dare the dead tread ahead on a road that was borrowed design

Through the sum of their suns do they seek tomorrow

Witness as the end shall begin what was final

-What Angel Wakes Me-

Yet with each descent do we rise again to our hearts’ content

Fly away, my friend, for a day and then we’ll begin again

Do you love me not?

Will you, when I’m gone, remember me?

Braving anything together, we learn to play our part

Catch a falling star, lock it in our hearts eternally

To these crowns we cling for we’ll all be kings tomorrow

Summer child with heavy eyes, come our angel nigh, sing in our sweet lullaby

Time wilts and fades, luster lost in the rain, bows to the blade, till the spring calls again

-Invincible-

These memories ache with the weight of fate

Ever we fight, never we fly

Ever we fall, forever we fall

Now breathe deep of the darkness beneath the flood, where all of the proud angels drink to their deeds of blood

Their lies, twisted and torn, into dreams they’ve spun

Yet ever we will stand stall, invincible

-Return to Oblivion-

My sins claim me

How long have I waited to open my wings?

The soul longs for oblivion

A slave to my fate, ever doomed to repeat this

No more goodbyes, though my heart is still aching

Now open my eyes one more time, here I come

Spring’s promise of sun is honored when winter’s weighed upon us

Clear as diamond, yet fragile as ice

My heart is racing

Falling too fast, but the fall will not break me

No more goodbyes, I am tired of waiting

-To The Edge-

All our splendor bathed black in silence, our surrender, a somber reverie

Know our places, for worth is wordless

Brother, stay this descent to madness

Come and save us

Catch us before we fall

Don’t lose hope

Like broken angels, wingless, cast from heaven’s gates, we only fly when falling far from grace

Hell can take us, heaven can wait

Quick to their ends, our candles burn until we’re free

In monochrome melodies, our tears are painted in red

Deep inside, we’re nothing more than scions and sinners

In the rain do light and darkness fade

Time circles endlessly, the hands of fate trained ahead

All things change, drawn to the flame to rise from the ashes

To begin, we first must see the end

Rock of ages, we cast the first stone

We know not what we do

Tomorrow’s come too soon

Follow blindly like lambs to slaughter, at the mercy of those who ply the sword

We’re forgotten, now and forevermore

Without a compass, wandering lost in lies and faith, only alive when fighting death’s amber embrace

Our hearts beat loud, unafraid

On hands and knees we pray to gods we’ve never seen

Come, shadow, come follow me

The final hour upon us, no more time to breathe

#Final Fantasy XIV #Final Fantasy #roleplay meme #roleplay prompt #rp meme #rp prompt #I know I skipped a few songs.#Mostly because I didn't find their lyrics particularly workable into a meme format.

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human-antithesis · 3 years

Video

youtube

Silent Hill Original Soundtrack

Tracklist:

Silent Hill - 00:00

All - 02:51

The Wait - 04:59

Until Death - 05:08

Over - 06:00

Devil’s Lyric - 08:04

Rising Sun - 09:31

For All - 10:28

Follow The Leader - 13:07

Claw Finger - 14:01

Hear Nothing - 15:33

Children Kill - 17:06

Killed By Death - 17:26

Don’t Cry - 18:50

The Bitter Season - 20:19

Moonchild - 21:46

Never Again - 24:34

Fear of The Dark - 25:19

Half Day - 26:33

Heaven Give Me Say - 27:12

Far - 29:00

I’ll Kill You - 30:15

My Justice For You - 33:07

Devil’s Lyric 2 - 34:28

Dead End - 34:53

Ain’t Gonna Rain - 35:11

Nothing Else - 36:23

Alive - 37:14

Die - 38:49

Never End - 39:46

Down Time - 40:32

Kill Angels - 42:11

Only You - 43:27

Not Tomorrow 1 - 44:44

Not Tomorrow 2 - 45:32

My Heaven - 47:11

Tears of... 50:29

Killing Time - 53:44

She - 56:39

Otherside - 59:15

Piano (Bonus Track) - 01:00:57

Not Tomorrow (Long Version) - 01:04:03

Harry Is Gone! - 01:07:00

The Return of Harry - 01:09:30

Lets End This Nightmare - 01:10:46

#Silent Hill #Akira Yamaoka #Japan #OST #Soundtrack #Original Soundtrack

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kpop-uni · 5 years

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Through the Lens // Three

Christian YuxYouTuber!Reader Words: 5K A/N: Sorry about the wait, I have the day off and decided to celebrate with posting the chapter and most likely posting a drabble tomorrow~ Let me know how you guys feel about this chapter, and if there are any mistakes, let me know as well! Thanks for reading!

Chapter Two // Chapter Four

You stayed silent, camera aimed at Christian who worked silently. He ignored everything around him, too lost in his own world as he fixed his camera lens. You walked over, recording the camera before moving away, walking over to the colorful car that was waiting for Gyungmo. You filmed it a bit, only looking up when your name was called, walking over to Jungmoo who showed you how the video was going to go.

You sat in the spare seat when the recording started, the camera now recording the music that played over the speakers, Christian filming the colorful car being driven by Gyungmo. You followed along with your camera, smiling softly when Jaean joined you, sitting next to you.

"I never expected Gyungmo to have such a voice," You whispered, leaning in toward Jaean as he nodded, eyes glued to the scene.

"He's very talented, and the fans were up for an album of just his music so he said he would just add in lyrics,"

You didn't answer, the sound of Christian's "Cut!" rang through the air, the car coming to a halt and everyone gathering to see the recorded scene.

You turned your camera off, taking your phone out and only taking a picture of your feet hanging off the chair, adding the shushing emoji. You looked through your feed, swinging your legs a bit before growing bored, looking out into the scenery.

There wasn't much to see ahead, just endless dirt and the bright sun, making you almost regret wearing black jeans. Almost... they worked well with your outfit.

The call of your name made you turn to the colorful car, spotting Scott who was waving you over. You looked over the group who still watched the screen, looking back at Scott as you hopped off the chair, heading over to him.

"What's up?" You asked as you got closer, Scott opening the passenger door for you.

"Wanna go for a ride?" You grinned widely and rushed inside, buckling up as Scott closed the door, heading around to the driver's side. You held on when Scott stepped the gas, the car jolting forward and speeding down the dirt road.

You laughed at the sharp turns Scott made, slowing down a bit when Gyungmo made his way over, yelling something out only for Scott to speed again. "Scott! Gyungmo was saying something!" You yelled over the car engine, still laughing at another turn.

"What?" Scott called back, laughing when you screamed a bit when he braked roughly, catching your breath.

"Nothing..." You sighed, getting out of the car and stumbling a little, laughing as you almost fell. You leaned on Scott as he reached you, pulling you with him back to the tent where the equipment was. You leaned on one of the tables, laughing as Scott leaned on it next to you, the two of you giggling as Gyungmo walked over.

"Had fun?" He asked, sitting on the table as you nodded, sighing and hopping on the table, sitting next to him.

"Tons," You closed your eyes, resting your head on Gyungmo's shoulder, listening to his voice as the song started again. "You sing nice, has anyone told you that?” You tilted your head up a bit to look at Gyungmo. He shook his head, looking down at you before softly thanking you, patting your thigh with his hand.

You hummed, eyes closing again as voices rang around you, hearing the song grow louder. "You should do a punk or rock song," You mussed, Gyungmo looked down at you, humming a bit as he looked over at Scott who was lost in thought at the idea.

"Rock... That could be an idea," Scott looked back at Gyungmo who now had his phone out, typing in some lyrics.

You sat up when Gyungmo's name was called, letting him join the group before Scott joined as well, leaving you alone on the table. You looked out into the scenery again, taking in the now setting sun, humming softly to the music.

Ian 6:32 PM: Bored?

You couldn't help but smile at the text, looking over at Christian as he stood with his arms crossed, eyes on the screen before they looked up at you. He gave you a smile, eyes going back to the screen before pointing something out, Gyungmo nodding along.

Y/N 6:33 PM: A little, I don't want to be in the way and there's only so much I can record Y/N 6:33 PM: But this is interesting, it's cool to see something like this come to life!

You sent the texts, faintly hearing your stomach rumbling, patting it a bit. "Food..." You mumbled to yourself, pouting.

Ian 6:34 PM: Glad you think that Ian 6:35 PM: We'll go order take out after this

And true to his word, it was almost 9 when laughter rang through the spacious room in their building. You hid your face behind one of Cline's Pikachu's, avoiding his attempts to feed you a piece of seafood. You finally took a bite of it, wrinkling your nose before swallowing the food. You all ate in peace, talking about the progress that was made today, and sharing ideas. You waited until the conversation changed to something else, taking your camera and filming the gang eat, leaning back and recording Christian as he walked in with drinks, the video playing upside down as he leaned down close to the camera lens, making a face.

You laughed, pulling the camera away to ruffle his hair, scooting closer to Scott so Christian could sit and eat. "How's the food?"

"Amazing!" You exclaimed, grinning. "I wanna live here so I can eat this good all the time."

You sat up in bed on Friday, eyes drooping as music filled your ears, looking out the window as the sun was barely rising. You groaned, knowing another night was spent without sleep. You threw yourself back into bed, reaching for your phone as you yawned.

Y/N 5:56 AM: Hey, I won't be heading over today, I don't feel so good

You sent the text over to Scott, laying back down and relaxing, letting the brightness of the sun warm you up.

You woke up in a start to knocks on your door, groaning as you sat up. You slowly climbed out of bed, fixing your joggers and ruffling your hair. You groaned when the knocks started again, lazily trudging to the door, opening it. You looked up into the worried eyes of Christian, rubbing your cheek.

"Hey, I thought maybe Scott read my message..." You moved aside to let Christian in, closing the door behind him.

"He did, but then you wouldn't answer calls or our texts and we got worried. The guys bought food but I came by to see if you're okay," Christian took a seat on the corner of your bed, the bag carefully sitting next to him, hand still holding the handles. You took a seat on the bed, crossing your legs and yawning, rubbing your eyes.

"Do you want medicine?" Christian took out a small bag from inside the bigger, dumping out different types of liquid medicine and pills, frowning slightly. "I didn't know what was wrong so I just... brought everything."

You frowned, looking through the bottles before grabbing your phone, eyes widening. "Wait! Is it really almost 6?" You asked, blinked to try and see if your phone clock was correct, seeing all the missed calls from the guys and the texts.

"Yeah, why do you think we were so worried?" Christian asked, watching as you dropped your phone, right away digging into the bag of food.

"I'm sorry, I just haven't been sleeping..." You took out the containers of food, smelling it before eating a bit, tasting it before eating more.

"Why is that? Is it still the jet lag?"

Christian watched you slow down on your eating, swallowing the food you had before nodding a bit. "Yeah, that, but I suffer from nightmares?" It was more of a question than a statement, looking up at him. "It's like... how do I explain..." You trailed off, trying to think a bit before frowning.

"My sister and I got in a car accident one summer, we were going on this stupid trip to the lake and we knew it wasn't a good idea to go so late but we figured we left late and spent all day in the water," You shrugged a shoulder, keeping your eyes down, staring at your food. "I sleep and I get these annoying nightmares of the crash and I hate it..."

Christian was quiet, watching as you played with the food, finally dropping the fork. "Thank you for sharing that with me," He whispered, your eyes looking up at him. "You know we're here for you. Like, yeah, you're only with us for a bit before you leave, but take advantage of us when you can," You gulped, nodding and eating more of your food, taking your time.

It was quiet between the two of you, except the sounds of ruffling occasionally from you eating and Christian shifting a bit. You set the container of food down, looking at the other container of rice, taking it out and beginning to eat some.

"Can I meet Lori?"

"Oh my goodness!" You exclaimed, hands-on your cheek as you fell to your knees. You admired how Lori wagged her tail, paws tapping on the floor out of excitement before she climbed on your thighs, sniffing your face. "You're so cute!" You praised her, petting her head and kissing it softly.

"She loves compliments," Christian smiled, closing his front door and locking it, leaving the bag of containers on the tall table next to the door. You smiled as Lori rushed to her owner, leaning up to rest her front paws on his legs, giving him a soft bark.

"No, quiet, Lori." Christian pet her head, Lori rushed back to you. You gently picked her up, kissing her head and laughing when she licked your cheek.

"She's the most adorable pup I've ever seen! I wanna stay here forever," You giggled, Lori, looking at you and panting, wiggling out of your hold and rushing to get her stuffed toy. You stayed on the ground, watching as she moved to lay on the couch, toy in mouth, eyes on you and Christian.

You took in a breath, standing up and looking around the home. You took a couple steps deeper inside, looking out the window to the sunset, watching the buildings light up. "I like this view... it's high and you get to see the whole city," You whispered, mostly to yourself, but to Christian too, he was next to you after all.

"You should see it during sunrise, it's beautiful," You smiled, eyes still out on the view.

Christian couldn't remove his eyes from you, watching how your eyes danced around, how you turned your head slightly to take in another part of the view. He watched how you parted your lips, the tip of your tongue wetting them before you pressed them into a hard line, relaxing.

You pulled your phone out, making sure you had steady hands as you took a short video, lights from the buildings lighting up as the sun was setting. You stopped the video after a minute, pocketing your phone again, looking up at Christian.

"I'm gonna work a little bit," You whispered, pulling your laptop out from your bag and opening it up. You took the memory card from the small pocket, inserting it and waiting for everything to load.

Christian took a seat next to you, the two of you working quietly and comfortably. Christian edited his videos, hand resting on his chin as he clicked around. You trimmed videos, separating them into a different folder to not mix them up.

About an hour later, Christian took his spot where Lori was, laying with her and turning on some soft music, looking over at you. "Is this okay?"

You gently swayed your head to the music, giving him a smile. "Perfectly fine,"

When you finished with the videos, you looked over at Christian, smiling a little at the sight of him. He was fast asleep on his couch, Lori right under his hand also fast asleep. You silently hopped off the chair, hesitating a little before sneaking away to find a blanket. You wandered the hall a bit peeking into the rooms before coming across the bedroom, opening the door wider.

You stepped in, the smell of cologne lingered in the air and you relaxed your shoulders, the smell making you sigh softly. You walked in deeper in the room, looking out the tall windows, seeing the other side of the city, admiring the lights. You turned to the bed, grabbed the blanket and enjoying the lingering warmth it gave, scurrying back to the living room.

You carefully draped the blanket over Christian, shushing Lori as she perked up, watching you before laying back down. You softly kissed her head, wishing her goodnight before you looked at Christian's face, smiling softly.

"Night, Ian,"

"When did you leave?"

You looked up at Christian from your spot in line, Scott having gone to the bathroom. "Like an hour after you fell asleep, I didn't want to impose, plus, Scott gave me a ride back,"

"Yeah, she said you were out cold," Scott joined, arm wrapping around your shoulders.

Christian hummed at his friend, eyes landing on his arm, clearing his throat. He could feel the jealousy bubbling up as you wrapped your arms around Scott, smiling up at him. "Like a light!" You exclaimed, Scott, turning the both of you around when it was your turn, telling him your order.

"My wallet is regretting everything but my stomach isn't," You say, taking another bite of your burger, Scott laughing as he ate his.

Christian looked at the two of you, watching as the two of you seemed to move in sync, the way you shifted in your seat, to when he moved slightly closer. How you would lean in and he would give you a fry, to how you offered him a bite of your burger. Christian ate his order of fries, staying silent until the rest of the guys joined, all of them ordering their food.

The group talked within themselves until Gyungmo asked you to switch places with him, the two of you exchanging your food trays before moving. You looked up at Christian, giving him a warm smile and offered him a bite of your burger, pouting as he shook his head, letting you eat more.

You grinned at the camera when Jungmoo took it from you, filming the whole crew walking out of the restaurant. You took your spot next to Scott, the two of you chatting when Gyungmo joined in, telling you about his upcoming project.

"So, about that rock song," You stared up at Gyungmo, waiting for him to finish as he flashed you a smile, "I think it's going to happen,"

"No way!" You grinned, getting giddy. "I told you guys it was a good idea! I can't wait until it comes out!"

Jungmoo went ahead at the group, filming them as they all talked within themselves, discussing upcoming plans and events.

You looked ahead at the call of your name, looking at Jungmoo who now walked backward, filming Christian as he was on his phone, taking a picture of Jungmoo. "Are you doing anything tonight?"

You hummed, thinking about the sleep you could catch on, shrugging a shoulder. "Nothing set in stone, but sleep."

"Oh yeah, you're still a bit jet-lagged," Jungmoo lowered he camera a bit, making eye contact with you. "There's a house party we're going to, thought maybe you'd like to go and join us for a chill night."

"Rain check maybe?" You smiled, earning a nod from Jungmoo.

"All of us are going, so let us know if you want to," Christian looked back at you, hoping that you would get the hint that he wanted you there.

"All of you guys?" You asked, Christian, shooting you a smile.

"All of us except Jaean," You hummed, shrugging a shoulder.

Scott 9:56PM: This is the address, let us know if you want to go

You looked at the text one more time, looking at your reflection once more. They said it was a chill house party, and if they were anything like America, which you weren't sure since this was your first Korean house party, you wore what deemed a suitable outfit.

You fixed the lace in your pale pink Converse, your skinny light blue jeans fitting snug and the loose dark blue shirt was, what you thought, a good enough outfit. You put in the directions on your phone, struggling a bit with knowing which way to go before grabbing your bag and key card, heading out.

You frowned at the directions, getting lost slightly for a couple minutes before finding your way again, going down the small street before spotting the house. Music faintly seeping out the windows and walls, your feet hesitating to step in. A call made you turn to a guy, he nodded at you, beginning to talk in Korean, making you shake your head, biting your lip.

"I'm sorry... I don't... Uhm..." You trailed off as the guy nodded, pointing to the door, waving you inside. You looked at the door, seeing a girl walk in, barely closing it.

Christian held the glass cup in his hand, talking with Woo about plans to hang and ride their motorcycles. Woo was mid-conversation before he looked behind Christian, catching a glimpse of you walking in, looking around hesitantly as a couple girls passed you. He noted how you sighed out, shoulders visibly relaxing when you took in their choice of clothes, not much different from yours, save for the heels.

Christian looked up at his friend who stopped talking, attention now on something else that made Christian turn, spotting you. He watched as you looked around the spacious house, blue lights dimmed but he still saw how beautiful you looked.

"Who's that?" Woo asked, eyes still glued to you before you looked over, smiling brightly. "Wow..."

You eagerly walked closer, stopping right next to Christian, waving a hello. "Thought I would stop by for a couple drinks,"

"You sure sleep can wait?" Christian wanted to seem considerate, which he was, don't get him wrong, he wanted to be sure you stayed healthy and sleep was definitely how you needed to be. But he wasn't going to lie, he was over ecstatic to know you came by.

"Sleep is for the weak," You joked, laughing a bit, looking at Woo. "Hi, I'm y/n,"

Christian watched as you both talked, Woo's eyes crinkling as you made him laugh, his smile wide. You laughed along with him, in your hand now a drink that was given to you by Christian, the cold copper liquid burning your throat but you could handle it.

"You came?"

Christian's shoulder's slumped when Scott spotted you, your smile widening lot more, rushing over and accepting his hug. "Thought this party might need a little of an American touch," You joked, taking a sip of your drink. Christian spent the night watching how you got along with almost everyone there. You gave everyone kind smiles and joined in on the laughs.

It was 2 in the morning when Christian leaned on the bar counter, his third drink of the night in his hand as his eyes were glued on you. The music was oozing out of the speakers and the rhythm helped your hips sway to it, fifth drink in hand. Hyuk stood in front of you, letting you lead him to the dance floor the two of you smiling and moving your hips to the beat. You held his hand tightly, a light blush on Hyuk's cheeks as he followed along with you.

"Are you going to dance with her?" Christian looked over at his muscular friend, laughing a bit.

"She's too busy with Hyuk," Christian shook his head, content with just watching you, even if he did want to join you.

You held Hyuk's hand high, twirling under it and giggling as you finished your drink in one gulp, Hyuk's eyes widen as he laughed. You let go of his hand, eyes looking at the bar with your mindset to get another drink when Christian's smile caught your eye, making you wave at Hyuk, walking toward Christian and Woo.

"Having fun?" You grinned up at Woo, nodding your head and setting your cup down.

"Are you guys going to dance?" You asked, thanking the guy behind the bar as he gave you another cup.

"We will, I'm just finishing this one," Christian showed you his still full cup, making you roll your eyes.

"You've had that cup for an hour, come on," You didn't hesitate to hold Christian's hand in yours, pulling him to the dance floor. Christian followed along, letting you drag him between the swaying bodies before you stopped in the little clearing, pulling Christian close to you.

“You should know how to dance, or at least move your hips to a beat,” You have him a smile, letting your hips lead into the dance, hand still holding Christian’s. He gulped down his drink, setting it down on the nearby counter, taking yours and letting it join his before his hands moved to your hips.

His fingers looped into the belt loops of your jeans, keeping your hips on his as he danced with you, your hands on his upper arms, slowly moving down to his forearms. “I know how to dance, it’s just been a while since I’ve danced with a pretty girl,”

Christian didn’t know what came over him, but it seemed to be the alcohol talking, and he was going to blame it on that. But still, your neck grew warm at the compliment, your bright smile making his heart flip as you pressed yourself closer, chest against his.

“Bet you tell that to all the ladies,”

Christian didn’t answer, only moving a hand to your lower back, dangerously low but you didn’t complain. He thought you didn’t notice, hell, he didn’t even notice how low he moved his hand before he felt the seam of your back pocket on his fingertips. But you kept dancing, hands moving back up his arms and onto the back of his neck, playing with the ends of his hair.

"Just the foreign ones," You laughed at the tease, head falling back slightly as you continued to move. Christian leaned down a bit, nose skimming your jaw before his lips brushed against your ear, looking around at the party guests, none of them paying the two of you any attention.

"And even then, I like them to act as goofy as I do,"

You took in a slight breath, the smell of Christian's drink mixing with his cologne made your head swirl, unconsciously leaning into him more. You ran your fingers into his hair more, body pressing closer as his hands pressed into your back, keeping you close.

You laughed when Christian twirled you, pressing you back into him letting the two of you sway. Your hands were back on his neck, holding onto him, alcohol running in your system as you looked up at Christian. He held your gaze for a bit, letting your hands press into the back of his neck, pulling him down to you.

Your lips gently brushed his, your teeth biting down on your bottom one as Christian wrapped his arms around you tighter. You stood up on your toes, pulling back only a sliver as he smiled, face leaning in to close the gap between the two of you.

You turned your head to Scott who walked over, phone camera pointing at you as he drunkenly called out your name. You waved eagerly, letting go of Christian and going to Scott. You wrapped your arms around him, grinning widely into the camera as he recorded the two of you.

Christian grabbed his glass and your from where he set them, watching you now coaxing Scott to dance, earning whines from him, only to have you pout. Christian walked back to the bar, sitting on the stool as Gyungmo walked over, ordering another cup.

"You looked like you were having fun,"

Christian nodded, accepting his new glass and taking a sip, eyes on the different bottles of drinks behind the bar. "Do you think she likes him?"

Gyungmo turned to see you now dancing with Woo, new drink in hand as he spun you, making you laugh and swing your hips more. "Him who? Woo? I think it's the other way around,"

"No," Christian sighed, head lifting to look at Gyungmo, a scowl on Christian's lips. "Scott, they're always together and it just..." Christian rubbed his face, sighing heavily before standing.

"I think I'm done for the night,"

Without another word, Christian left. He walked out the door, barely making it down the stairs and about to call a car when he perked up at your voice.

"Ian!" You called, holding on to the door and then to the railing, walking down the stairs. You looped your arm around Ian's arm, giving him a huge grin. "Can you take me home? Scott is too busy with some girl in there,"

Christian noticed your scoff, thinking you were jealous, but you just scoffed at the fact that Scott had your phone as he recorded the party.

"You sure?" You hummed, nodding your head as you leaned it on his arm, closing your eyes.

"I wanna see Lori again," You whispered, Christian, smiling a bit and nodding.

"We can see her,"

Christian let you hold on to him when the car arrived, helping you inside and climbing in. He sat as you looked out the window, hands on your lap as you took in the sights. Christian looked over at you, watching as your eyes drooped a bit, opening again as she shook your head slightly, sighing.

"Still haven't been able to sleep?"

You turned your head to Christian, giving him a smile and shaking your head. "No, but it's okay... I take naps during the night or I call some friends..." You trailed off when Christian's house came into view, a grin appearing when you spotted Lori at the window.

The moment the car stopped, you jumped out, rushing, rather clumsily, to the window to wave at Lori. You grinned at her bark, looking back at Christian who thanked the driver, getting out of the car on his own pace, your bag in his hand. You took a head start up to Christian's door, hearing Lori quietly bark as you tapped the door.

"Open the door, Lori!" You laughed as she barked louder, crouching to hear her better, Christian reaching the door, unlocking it. You immediately rushed in, picking Lori up and peppering kisses on her head,

"I missed you, gorgeous!" You giggled as Lori licked your cheek, turning to Christian who locked the door. Lori gently licked his hand when he pet her head, Lori silently asking for more attention.

"I'll leave your bag on the table," You turned your head, silent as you watched Christian set your bag down, giving him a smile when he looked at you.

"Thank you!" You exclaimed, Lori, giving a small bark. You gently put her down, humming a song from earlier in the night, and dancing a bit. You grinned as Lori began to move around with you, twirling and giggling when she twirled with you.

"Ian!" You exclaimed, turning to the living room where you had last seen him, pouting when he wasn't there anymore. "Lori, we lost your dad,"

You lead the way down the hall, singing along to the song in your head, Lori walking next to you before running into Christian's bedroom. "I'm coming in so be decent," You exclaimed, knocking on the door. You poked your head in, Christian taking off his watch, out of his jeans and t-shirt and into a pair of joggers and a loose shirt.

"You two having fun?" Christian looked at you, softly smiling as you nodded, walking to the windows and looking out into the city.

"Lori and I are best friends, so of course we're having fun," You gently pet Lori's head when she jumped on the bed, getting comfortable.

Christian leaned on his vanity, watching you pet Lori and smoother her in kisses and affection. Christian crossed his arms, tilting his head as he visioned coming home from work to this sight. He didn't want anything else, he didn't want to come home to just Lori, alone and waiting for him.

"You okay?"

Christian blinked, coming back to reality as you watched him from your spot on his bed, Lori laying her head on your thigh. "Just thinking, want some food?"

You thought for a bit before shaking your head. "I'll take water?" You asked, Christian, smiling and nodding.

He went to the kitchen, opening his fridge for the cold pitcher of water, pouring some in a cup for you. Christian pocketed his phone, grabbing your bag as he made his way back into his room before he stopped, staring at you.

You were curled into yourself, on one side of the bed, Lori snuggled in your hold. You yawned in your sleep, covering your face with your arm, as Lori shifted a bit, curling to get more warmth. The blankets had been pushed over to the other side, giving you so much room to spread out but you only claimed the tiny space.

Christian gently set the cup down on the bedside table, pulling the blanket securely around you. He gently brushed the strand of hair away from your face, admiring you before licking his lips. He laid down on his side, Lori between the two of you as she opened her eyes to see him, closing them again.

Christian stayed silent, reaching over to turn the lights off, letting the lights from the city below illuminate the room. Christian turned to you, getting comfortable.

"Tomorrow, I'm going to tell you how I feel,"

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bangtanuniverse-bts · 5 years

Text

WHAT THE WINGS ALBUM WAS ALL ABOUT: The Final Answer?

BTS THEORY POST #3 - Master List HERE

Now it’s 2019 and it’s all about Boy with Luv, and yet some people might STILL be confused about WINGS -probably gave it up as a bad job a long time ago like me lol. Right? Well, LOOK NO FURTHER. I’ve got you on this one- if you care to take the dive in to my brain (and extensive research) I’ve done my BEST to make it as easy to read as possible :’)

LONG POST AHEAD c: - unless you’re just scrolling past (You nice. Keep going!)

So I KNOW, this particular era’s music videos had the entire fandom going ballistic, losing their last few brain cells trying to figure out what the actual HELL was going on. (The Japanese version of BS&T released 7 months later just made me want to throw my computer through the wall istg. I don’t joke.)

It’s ALL because they chose to base it on a deeply philosophical novel that seems to be very popular in the Korean school curriculum, though written by a German a hundred years ago. (1919 to be precise)

YES. (The book being Demian by Hermann Hesse) And yes, if he hadn’t, the fandom would still have half the brain cells they lost trying to put theories together. Not ranting, the concept was incredible.

BUT, I think I’ve (dare I say it?) finally understood what they were actually trying to say. I mean, really trying to convey through this whole concept IN. REAL. LIFE. (Stay with me on this: WINGS, while being the most incomprehensible album was also, in case you forgot, the most personal album they’ve ever released. The 7 SOLOS! Co-written by the members themselves??) Made me think that there’s more to it than meets the eye- more than just an outrageously daring concept- and I surprised myself by blowing my own mind with the answer.

THE CATCH is that in order to understand my interpretation of and the answer to WINGS, you need to understand the story of Emil Sinclair in Demian. (Yeah sorry, I actually read the whole book) And THAT’S why this theory is divided into 2 parts:

Pt. 1 is a nice, long explanation of Demian for you

Pt. 2 will be the actual analysis, interpretation and MY THEORY

Happy reading :’)

Pt. 1 - A DETAILED EXPLANATION of Demian and everything in WINGS that is based on the book

Okay. So WHY am I focusing a lot on the book, Demian, you ask?BECAUSE:

It’s DIRECTLY quoted in ALL the music videos of the album.

Some MVs have whole scenes (Begin, BS&T) or symbols that are directly from the book.

It is a text that RM found inspirational; Which means he’s read it and understood it completely. (And RM co-wrote all the member’s solos. More on this laters.)

Basically, this entire album’s concept came out of this book.

BigHit. Knows. US. They chose this book on purpose. We were meant to read into this like our lives depended on it.

DISCLAIMER: I have taken the most accurate explanation I found in my research for this post, summarized it and added my own thoughts to it. But if you want to be xxxtra you can refer to it here because it links WINGS to to the previous eras.

OKAY. LET’S GET IT.

First of all, understand that:

● The book 'Demian' is also known as 'The story of Emil Sinclair's youth'.

● The book is written from Sinclair's point of view

THE MAJOR CHARACTERS:

Emil Sinclair is the protagonist of the novel. Sinclair is confused as to what his life is, and is going to be, and constantly seeks mentorship throughout the novel.

Max Demian is a childhood friend, who is 2 years older and a mentor of Sinclair. Demian leads Sinclair to his eventual self-realization.

Frau Eva is Max Demian's mother. She steadily becomes Sinclair's ideal characterisation in life, first in his pictures and visions, then in person.

Pistorius is a rector, an organist at a local church, and a temporary mentor for Sinclair. Pistorius teaches Sinclair how to look inside himself for spiritual guidance.

Abraxas, is a mixture of God and the devil | Kromer, the boy who initially pulls Sinclair into sin before Sinclair meets Demian, after which he isn’t important.

THE MAJOR CHARACTERS IN CONNECTION WITH BTS (this part just might leave you jungshooketh)

(Don’t worry if any of the following confuses you, it’ll all become clear later as I explain in detail!)

SO THE CHARACTERS OF DEMIAN AS THE MEMBERS OF BTS :

Straightforwardly:

EACH member, except Namjoon, represents Sinclair in 6 different stages of his life. Jungkook, Jimin, Taehyung, Yoongi, Hoseok and Seokjin - They are each Sinclair in their own respective stories.

Namjoon represents Pistorius; he is the only member who doesn’t represent Sinclair at any point.

Now for the Duality:

Remember the official BU member pairings? It’s YoonKook, JiHope, and VMon, and Jin, alone.

So the hyung line: Yoongi, Hoseok and Namjoon are ALSO the Demians in the lives of their paired Sinclair- the maknae line, respectively: Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung.

The maknae line never represent Demian at any point; they’re each only ever Sinclair.

Jin always stood alone, hence has both Sinclair and Demian in him.

Hoseok also represents Eva at one point in his story.

OKAY? So consider one last thing:

To explain the ideas in the book we can say that Sinclair’s friend Demian is in fact a part of Sinclair’s own subconscious, which he brings to life in order to deal with his changing world. (Think Calvin and Hobbes: where Hobbes is really Calvin’s own, usually opposing, subconscious.)

IF we consider Demian a part of Sinclair, that means other characters could also be a manifestation of Sinclair’s mind, right?

Well, in fact Eva, Demian’s mother is also a part of Sinclair’s mind.

This makes the book simpler and easier to understand.

[NOTE: I'm repeating that Demian and Eva aren't actually real people ONLY FOR EXPLANATION PURPOSES. It does make sense but is purely on the surface. The Pt.2 - Analysis will consider the deeper theory.]

FINALLY, it’s now explanation tiiiime

1) Jungkook and Begin: THE FIRST STAGE OF SINCLAIR’S YOUTH. (The first taints in his purity)

JK = the earliest childhood of Sinclair/ The Sinclair at the start of his story

EXPLANATION:

1)THE BOOK

Sinclair, the child, is innocent and strongly believes in Jehova- the Jewish god.

He looks up to his sisters and respects his parents a lot. According to him, the heaven is where his parents are.

He encounters Kromer, a bad influence, and in order to impress him lies that he stole apples from the village farmer.

Kromer holds this against him and blackmails him in exchange for keeping this a secret. Sinclair carries this as a huge burden on his own.

With that small lie, which eventually leads to others, he made his first step into the dark world of sin, but still lived in the world of his parents, one of light and purity.

For the first time has a sense that there is more to the world than what he learns in school and from his parents.

2) THE SHORT FILM

Unlike the others, JK is seen to be pure and doesn't do anything destructive.

This JK / Sinclair has begun his life as a mentally precocious fifteen-year-old boy.

He wakes up from a nightmare, but reality seems to be worse.

Like Sinclair, he realises that his reality has changed, that there is more going on in his world. This is also a reason why he cries. (The other explained in Pt. 2)

3) THE LYRICS of Begin in the film,

Basically state “The 15 year old me who didn’t have anything"

Which equals to JungKook, the Kpop Idol at the inception of his career, parallel to Sinclair, the child, at the inception of losing his innocence.

Career = the losing of innocence (The beginning of the end of his pure childhood/ the start of his journey to find himself)

4) THE QUOTES:

THE DEMIAN BOOK QUOTE at the beginning of the short film - 'The realms of day and night. Two different worlds coming from two opposite poles mingled during this time'

MEANS: Pure Sinclair (JK) believes that there are 2 different realms, day and night/ dark and light/ GOOD and EVIL. - which NOW ‘begin’ to merge during this period of early childhood.

THE HANGUL QUOTE

About 50 seconds in reads, “The dawn right before the sun rises is the darkest.” (Lyric from an older song ‘Tomorrow’ thanks @btsvsmysanity) -->

Stepping into this dawn = Begin.

Because Begin is when he first enters the dark realm. The dawn represents his journey through the dark realm- the sunrise, his final coming-of-age.

5) SYMBOLS:

THE WHISTLE, at the start of the short film

Kromer often whistled to summon Sinclair and threaten him.

Sinclair is afraid of Kromer who represents the dark realm and so, he even feared the whistle and panicked whenever he heard it.

Sometimes he would be so caught up in his fears that he heard the whistle even in his dreams and woke up terrified.

6) LINKING JK to Yoongi:

THE PAINTING of the face -

This is a scene much later in the book. Sinclair keeps denying his attraction to Demian and tries to find things he can project it onto, so one day he buys a picture of a beautiful woman.

She reminds him of someone but he doesn't know of whom yet and he calls her "Beatrice".

He then treats her as a lover and a goddess until he one day realizes that the painting is not perfect so he starts to redraw it and does this over and over again until it looks completely like Demian/Yoongi and has even more meaning to him. (Source: allkpop forum, user ‘DISABLED#4′)

Later he pins the painting to a window and when the sun rays pass through it, the painting has the features of JK /Sinclair himself!

(Further ahead in the book he discovers that the painting is of Eva. Now consider the subconscious concept I explained before? : it makes things simpler if Sinclair IS Demian and is ALSO Eva. However, this is NOT evident in WINGS so it is irrelevant)

THE LETTER -

JK Sinclair has sent the painting to Demian and who sent a reply.

That’s why the letter he holds first is a picture of Yoongi/ Demian which he drops, and then it changes to a picture of a sparrow hawk bird when he picks it up- Signifying the sending and receiving of the letter by Sinclair.

In Demian’s letter was written (as in the book): "The bird fights the egg, the egg is the world. Who would be born must first destroy a world. The bird flies to god. This god's name is Abraxas". (Quote from Jin’s Awake, Analysed in Pt. 2)

That's why JK has the shadow of a bird at the end of the short film. He has destroyed his pure world and found himself instead.

7) THE UNRESOLVED THINGS in the film:

Because these are unrelated to Demian and belong PURELY to the Bangtan Universe Story I will not explain it here:

Maybe in a seperate post: just know that it’s all in the BU story told in Save Me, the Webtoon

The sudden rain, The painting and piano catching fire, The blood spatter, The water splatter, The water sloshing down the painting, The sound of a car crash, Glass shattering, Birds flying etc.

8) LASTLY:

The painting catches fire and the glass shatters. Shattering of glass can be considered a transition from his childhood to his adolescence. More like, Jungkook/ Sinclair breaks out of his childhood because he has sinned- and steps in to Lie.

Because Part 1 IS NOW LONGER THAN I ANTICIPATED I will spread it across a couple of numbered posts.

CONTINUE TO PT 1.2 - Jimin’s LIE

I stopped here for this post because the introduction was very long as it is. Feedback is very welcome! If you’ve read until the end, that is (thank you!) :’) (Sorry, if you’ve already read and understood Demian and don’t really need this explanation (You rock) but you’ll have to be patient for Pt. 2!)

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drakewalkerfantasy · 5 years

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Alive (Beckett x F!MC): Part 5

Summary: This takes place two days after Beckett falls in a coma, will he be able to fight his demons and get back to the girl he loves or he will fall further into his nightmares? And what will await these two seeking and loving souls IF he will be able to come back? How many more obstacles will they face and whether they will need to part before reconnecting again?

Author note’s: This is AU for my MC Maeve Raven and Beckett Harrington. AU where happiness seems not possible for this two but is it so? All characters as usually belong to PB. Please let me know if you want to be tagged or removed from the tag list.

@fluffy-marshmallow-heart huge thank you, I’m not sure what I would do without you. Thank you for asking to split this huge chapter. Now you can have tomorrow a read too :) :) :) Also somehow my 3/5 part story that later supposed to be 7 part story turned to be 8 part story, probably with follow up 1-2 parts.

And thank for anyone who didn’t abandon this series just yet and read them :)

Author note’s 2: This lyric belongs to Aria (Kipelov), this is Russian Heavy Metal band and the name of the song is Alive. This song almost ideal for this chapter. Warning: A bit of blood and violence. WARNING next part after will be NSFW please let me know who DON’T WANT to be tagged.

Words: 1533

Attunements:

Maeve Raven: Sun and Earth

Beckett Harrington: Moon and Metal

Tagging: @fluffy-marshmallow-heart @elles-choices @feartheendlesssummer @walkerismychoice @tmarie82 @darley1101 @boneandfur @brightpinkpeppercorn @briarsunicorn @damienazarionos @scgdoeswhat @symonde @too-many-choices-too-little-time @harrington-sinclaire @timmagicktoad

The daylight was slowly fading marking this the end of the second day of Beckett’s coma. Maeve, still stubbornly, refused to leave him even for a moment, too afraid that something may happen and she would be not by his side. She was exhausted, from the lack of sleep, from constant concentration on his wounds and from still holding protection around them. Maeve gritted her teeth and scrunched her nose when she sees another wound formed on Beckett’s body near to his heart. She swore, trying again and again healing but failing in this, watching the blood soaking into Beckett’s clothes. She could feel panic started to rise inside her and her heart dropped in the pit of her stomach. As through the veil, she could hear Professor Kontos return, rushing to her immediately, Beckett’s watch still in his hand. She couldn't tell how much time had passed, before another wound formed on his neck making her gasp, she could feel Kontos magick combined with hers. Maeve could feel the lump forming in her throat and tears started to roll down her face. She pushed everything out of her mind trying to heal Beckett’s wounds no matter what it would cost her. Maeve’s nose started to bleed from too much concentration. She felt panic when she sees Beckett’s body started convulsing on the elevation and the blood from his wounds started to flow faster.

- I can’t heal him, - cries Maeve feeling her heart sank and the drops of blood fell down on her shaken hands.

- You cannot because he is losing, he cannot fight anymore. Try and use his watch to pull him out.

- But how?

- Take his watch in one hand and place the other here, - Professor Kontos guided Maeve wrapping her fingers around watch and placing her other hand over Beckett’s heart. She could see Beckett’s face contorted from pain automatically trying to pull the hand back, but Professor firmly kept it in place, - now close your eyes, push all your thoughts away. Think of the best moment you spent with him, to fill his heart with hope, feel it yourself, - Professor Kontos’ voice sounded deep and as if from far away calming her, reassuring. Maeve’s thoughts turned to the first time they kissed when his lips hesitantly captured hers exploring this new feeling, making them both fall in love. She could feel the warmth began to spread throughout her body, feeling her hands become warm on the watch and over Beckett’s heart, - now you should think of the worst moment you both had, take half of this pain from his heart, share it with him, make the connection that no one would be able to break. Create a connection that will keep you together and the one that would be impossible to destroy, - continued Professor Kontos. Maeve’s thoughts turned to the moment, she would want to forget. She could feel hot tears welled up in her eyes make her heart ached when his heartless words echoed through her mind: “Sometimes, love is not enough.”. She could feel the cold spreading through Beckett’s body reaching his heart and then melting under her warm touch reaching deep into him,- good, keep going. Now locate a piece of your magick caught in them, - after a moment of silence, Professor’s voice ringed again. She could feel her magick sense it present in this watch she once used, - Good, just like this. Keep going. Now slowly combine your energy with Mr. Harrington’s Moon side. Ground him to the outside world, make him feel that there is something beyond the place he is in.

Maeve could feel how her magick intertwined with Beckett’s and the watch in her hand starts to shine with Northern lights, reaching for him. She can feel Beckett’s body stops convulsing and his breathing becomes more steady under her gentle touch. Their hearts beat in unison bringing them closer to each other, making them feel each other with every cell in their bodies. Maeve’s heart racing, calling for him, making him feel that there is something beyond this cursed place, making him feel and giving hope that his life is worth fighting for. She could feel him reaching for her until heard the faint gasp, making her golden eyes to fly open meeting Beckett’s cloud grey eyes. Beckett sharply drew in the air from the pain enveloping his entire body making Maeve aware of his bleeding wounds. She quickly pulled her hand away, pressing it over her pounding heart while their eyes still connected. She could feel her magick heals him, making him release the breath he was holding all this time. It was hard to say how much time past when she heard a delicate cough next to her tearing her out of oblivion.

- Ms. Raven, I think this is my turn to have a look at Mr. Harrington, - Professor Kontos said gently moving her aside and stepping closer to Beckett. He carefully examined Beckett's body, looking for the wounds on him, checking if everything has been healed properly. Asking him a couple of questions while examining his pupils and probing his head. Satisfied by the external examination, Professor Kontos went one step back, - Mr. Harrington, thanks to Ms. Raven it seems that all your external wounds have been healed and no longterm damaged done. Now, I will need to check if your Metal magick has been intact. And if your Moon magick has been released. Let’s start with your Second Attunement. Can you please magnetize..., - Professor looked around looking for anything made from metal, what can be magnetized when his eyes stopped on Maeve’s hands fiddling with Beckett’s watch nervously, - Mr. Harrington, can you please magnetize this watch, - he said, nodding for Maeve to come closer and extend her hand. Their eyes met, while Beckett started to summon his metal magick slowly building it up making Maeve feel a tingling sensation in a place where watch has been touching her palm. They could see how Beckett’s watch started to sparkle with little bolts of lightning, rising up above Maeve’s hand and then slowly coming down, ceasing to sparkle, - Good, now I need to perform another test, to confirm that your Moon Attunement has been awakened. Can you please close your eyes and focus. Now take this watch from Ms. Raven and we will see what will happen, - Beckett took the watch out of Maeve's hands, feeling electric cold impulse shot through his body from the contact with them. He slowly opened his eyes watching the blue glow starting to come from his hands, filling the room.

The sun was coming up when Professor Kontos confirmed, that ceremony went successfully and no changes detected. For a moment they stood still, all submerged in their own thoughts, feeling the relief wash over all of them.

- What now, - finally asked Beckett pulling everyone out of their reverie.

- I will need to speak with Professor Swan, so you could start your lessons. Also, I don’t think that there is a need to remind you to keep in secrecy what happened here, for your own and everyone else involved safety. From what I learned about your mother she will be not pleased if she will ever find out about this, - Professor Kontos looked at them expectantly waiting for them to nod, - I’m glad we came to understanding here. One more thing before we will part tonight, - Professor sighed, looking at his best students who went through all of this pain probably for nothing, - I don’t think that this would be safe for you to see each other until Mr. Harrington will learn to control his abilities. It’s your decision to make, but be careful especially while your mother involved, - and with this Professor Kontos left, leaving them alone, in complete silence.

- What Professor Kontos suggestion means to us, - Maeve said wearily looking on Beckett.

- It means we will need to keep looking for a way to be together. I will never give up on us... everything we've been through here wasn’t for nothing as he thinks... I will never let it be for nothing... Mae, please don’t give up on us, as I will never be able to let you go... please

- I will never, - she spoke softly watching his eyes sparkle with relief.

- We will find a way, I promise you, we will. But for now, keep this watch as a symbol of that promise, - Beckett gently dropped his watch on her palm their eyes met with a longing. They fought the urge to kiss with all their being knowing that they will be not able to stop, as the kiss will be not enough. With the last glance, Maeve turned away swallowing tears, trying not to break while he still could hear her. Not hearing him whispering gently after her “I will get stronger and I will bring you back to this cave to turn the dark memory into a beautiful one. To keep a promise I made.”

#te #the elementalists #beckett harrington #beckett x mc

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