#the flaming tuba

[onbearfeet]

Bloodstone Manor Location Masterpost

Okay, since the next bit of Monster Mash is gonna have to happen at/near Bloodstone Manor and Ted needs to go for a walk in the woods nearby, where do we think it is? The US and UK are the leading candidates in the fandom, but I need to pick a spot so my characters can get the fuck out of Ohio. My money is on the US, but I'm open to counterpoints.

Things to bear in mind:

1. Ulysses had a British accent. Elsa's accent is posh British. Verussa had an American accent, with some Broadway Mid-Atlantic that could suggest fancy New England OR just putting on airs. It's entirely possible one of the couple moved to be with the other, but that doesn’t settle which side of the ocean it happened on. Elsa's accent could be from a UK childhood OR a UK boarding school OR a choice to emulate her mother and annoy Verussa.

2. The house is old--or at least full of old stuff--but there's something of a history of Europeans bringing their weird-ass shit across the Atlantic and building absolutely batshit mansions in the US. Probably because there's more open space for it here.

3. The establishing shot of the rotunda shows it in hilly or mountainous terrain, with what looks like pine forest around it, and it sits on a parcel that is either big enough or far enough from neighbors that no one expects any outside response to roars, screams, explosions, etc. Either there's no one around to hear it or people REALLY mind their own business.

4. Of the hunters who make it to the funeral, one has a Scottish accent, two have American or Canadian accents, and one has what sounds like a South Korean accent (although apparently the actor was born in Argentina and moved to the US in the 90s, and I'm going off the many Korean-American voices I've heard at work, so "Korean-American" might be a better descriptor). Those are the people with connections to Ulysses and the time, resources, and motivation to show up to wherever this is. That suggests the location is most accessible to these people and not others. (Yes, I know, I've left out Jack's accent, but he was going to travel to wherever Ted was anyway; he had enough motivation that distance alone wasn't going to stop him.) North America has the numbers here; it's more likely that one Scot got on an international flight than that two North Americans did.

5. The guards are wearing "tacticool" BDUs and carrying some kind of zappy sticks or stun batons. The lack of guns is interesting and may indicate a location with stricter gun laws than the US ... or just that Verussa didn't want to accidentally kill her captive and that a lot of monsters are bulletproof anyway. The guards look and move a hell of a lot like an American tactical team and sound vaguely American when they're screaming. Would Verussa import guards, or hire local muscle? My money is on the latter.

6. Ulysses was old as balls. In the comics, he was positively ancient, and the opening narration implies he was old enough to be wearing pre-20th-century clothes in a flashback. He's definitely old enough to have gotten his hands on a nice piece of property in the UK, but also rich enough to have just bought a mountain in the US. He was also around for the last century-plus of history, and that may have affected his choice of headquarters. If the original Bloodstone Manor got bombed out during World War 2, for example, he might have moved to a less bomb-filled location.

7. Corpse Muppet! Verussa found somebody willing to turn her husband's remains into a Cryptkeeper animatronic. I have no idea whether that's a thing in the UK, but there are definitely enough weirdo taxidermists, puppeteers, and general pieces of work here that someone would take Verussa's money to do it. There are even subcultures here that traditionally sit the corpse up at the table for the wake, so it might not even be that weird to the right professional.

8. Flaming Tuba Guy is available for the funeral. Real Flaming Tuba Guy is American and takes his flaming tuba to Burning Man. I have no idea whether the UK is also a likely place to find a dude with a flaming tuba, but I have difficulty imagining a smooth process for getting a combination brass instrument/flamethrower through customs. I don't think there's a lot of international Flaming Tuba action unless private jets get involved. Wherever Flaming Tuba is from, I'm betting that's the jurisdiction where Bloodstone Manor is.

9. Jack makes it to Bloodstone Manor. Now, I've talked before about his being highly motivated and distance not being an obstacle for him, but if we assume he didn't use a magic portal or something (big if, I know), he had to go by land, sea, or air, and that takes time, no matter how motivated he is. Jack is centuries old, has a history of involvement with violence, and speaks with a Mexican accent. Wherever the Manor is, a dude matching that description was able to get there in time without setting off a ton of international alerts. The fact that Jack is as old as he is AND unknown to the hunters despite being a werewolf suggests that he prefers to keep a low profile, and by now he's practiced at it. He wouldn't want to leave a paper trail, especially when he's on a rescue mission that he knows will likely involve killing people. (I know he doesn't WANT to kill anybody, but the odds of him and Ted getting out of there with a zero body count were always slim. And he brought a bomb in his pocket.) Between his money and his accent, Jack would have an easier time moving around undetected in North America; he could reach a North American Manor by car rather than having to smuggle himself on a boat, charter a private plane (with a flight plan!), or go through customs at Heathrow or wherever. Not that he wouldn't risk getting on SHIELD's radar to save Ted, but if the hunt happened soon after Ted's capture, Jack would be more likely to physically reach the Manor in time if it were in North America.

10. Ted! Ted is at the funeral, obviously. In the comics, Ted canonically lives in the Everglades and honestly that's the best place for him. Verussa would have to have Ted transported from Florida to wherever the Manor is. All the logistical problems of moving Jack across an ocean are magnified in moving TED across an ocean. Again, it's much easier to move him within North America, which I'd consider a point in favor of a North American Manor. If the Manor were in the UK, wouldn't Verussa have gone for a victim based closer to home?

11. Sushi. "Let's do sushi; I owe you that." Apparently Jack and Ted have a history with sushi. I have absolutely no idea how common sushi restaurants are in the UK, but on the west coast of North America, you can pretty much throw a stick and hit one. (I know this because I moved last fall, and one of my first priorities in the new place was Find The Good Local Restaurants. Google was like OH, YOU WANT SUSHI?! HERE ARE TWENTY PLACES. Seriously, it's almost as common as pizza, at least in California.) I assume the boys aren't heading into a major urban center for food after their escape, so wherever Bloodstone Manor is, Jack thinks he can find a rural, exurban, or suburban sushi restaurant within a couple hours' travel (close enough that he can go, pick up their order, and make it back to Ted before raw fish goes funky). Sushi restaurants, at least in the western US, tend to be run by East Asian immigrants--part of the larger culture of immigrants starting restaurants within the first or second generation of arriving here. For stupid racist reasons, most East Asian immigration to the US took place after 1965, so there are a lot of sushi restaurants here that were established in or after the 1980s. Sushi restaurants also tend to be more common in coastal regions here, presumably because REALLY fresh ocean fish get more expensive and harder to acquire farther inland. Jack proposing sushi, if he and Ted are sitting on a log in the US, suggests they're somewhere near a coast, in a region with a sizable post-1965 East Asian immigrant population. (BTW, the reason I keep saying "East Asian" instead of "Japanese" is because a LOT of these restaurants in my area are run by Korean families, more rarely Chinese or Vietnamese ones. I've been in exactly one sushi restaurant here that was run by a Japanese family, and it was 40 years old.) Of course, I don't know shit about the takeout culture of the UK; maybe Yorkshire is full of sushi restaurants or something.

Conclusions.

Between the geography, the accents, the material culture, and the logistics, I think the balance of probability suggests that Bloodstone Manor is in North America, most likely the United States. There are multiple hilly or mountainous regions with pine forests near coasts, close enough to centers of East Asian immigration that the boys can reliably get their sushi.

So with all that in mind ...

#fanfiction #monster mash #werewolf by night #bloodstone manor #a fun thought exercise #seriously what's up with flaming tuba guy #damn now i want sushi #long post

[bluemoonperegrine]

It's tough to be a monster.

Hat tip to @my-secret-shame for the "Local man" text post

#werewolf by night #werewolf by night memes #werewolf by night text posts #ted sallis #man thing #elsa bloodstone #jack russell #flaming tuba guy #(it's really a sousaphone) #marvel #memes

[abirdie]

Slightly random crossover inspired by wherever my brain went in the discussion on this post.

#werewolf by night #werewolf by night memes #werewolf by night text posts #elsa bloodstone #flaming tuba guy #dwight mendenhall #fame #fame text posts i guess #is that a thing? #sousaphone ftw #proud to have the only post on tumblr tagged 'dwight mendenhall'

[kropotkindersurprise]

July 17, 2022 - Resistance against the Israeli occupiers in Tubas, the West Bank, Palestine. [video]

#palestine #free palestine #resistance #occupation #molotov #gif #2022 #fire #flames #israel #idf #tubas

[tea-with-cinnamontoast]

the flaming tuba player was so real

#werewolf by night #tea with cinnamontoast #i want to play a flaming tuba too

[thepixelelf]

every group/artist has that one song that will be the hill you die on so rb with yours in the tags and tell me all about it

#for me: golcha let me #if that was their first comeback after damdadi they'd be the top 3.5 gen group #and I will swear by that #ALSO ASTRO HIDE N SEEK #I LOVE THAT SONG #IT DESERVED BETTER #and astro blue flame #idk why i lot of aroha didn't like it she was a BOP #the tuba?? FUCK ME UP #THAT'S a hill I will die on #also I know people will disagree but I really like svt chuck lol #stickynotes.tpe

[zvaigzdelasas]

[TimesOfIsrael is Israeli Private Media]

Settlers just torched a home in the southern West Bank Palestinian hamlet of Masafer Yatta before fleeing the scene, an eyewitness tells the Haaretz daily. Footage shows the home up in flames. The witness says that around the same time, another group of settlers arrived in Masafer Yatta after first raiding the nearby village of Tuba to hurl rocks at homes in both locations

30 Oct 23

[skellymom]

"Silent But Deadly"

The FIRST Bad Batch Comedy One Shot in the ONE SHIT SERIES!

Background: A stinky stench "rustles up" controversy.

Word Count: 780 words

Warning: Farts, fiery crop dusting, stinky humor, swearing.

The Bad Batch landed on Anaxis at the meeting point with the 212th for a special mission. Hunter led the way and greeted Commander Cody who introduced them to Rex. 

Cody’s clone troopers loaded onto their flying transport first with The Batch filing in after them. The door slid closed as the ship ascended on its journey to Skako Minor. All was quiet as each soldier stared ahead, contemplating the scope of this mission...until... 

...Hunter suddenly started with a coughing fit. 

“You ok, Sergeant?” Cody concerned, watched Hunter thump his chest with a closed fist, struggling to articulate his issue. 

“Uh...cough...be...ok...” 

Then the ruckus began. Cody and Rex watched as each Reg in the 212th violently protested one by one. Falling out of formation like a line of dominoes. 

“WHAT THE KRIFF!?” 

“Smells like a Rancor crapped in here!” 

“What died???” 

“I’m gonna die!” 

“Who shit themselves???” 

One trooper even tried to put his helmet on to avoid the fumes...to find the horrendous smell was trapped in with him, “GAAAAH!” 

It wafted up to Cody and Rex who grimaced and gagged. 

Every Reg in the 212th angrily glared back at The Batch. 

Hunter, ever the gentleman and a leader, tried to take the blame. “Uh, sorry Lads...huh, gag...too many rations for...gag...breakfast.” He exhaled, fanning himself. 

An angry Reg spoke up, “NO! I think it was the big guy!!! No way Sergeant Super Smeller did that!!!” 

Everyone stared at Wrecker. 

“WHAAAT???” Wrecker clearly had NO clue what was going on...as his sense of smell was deader than a Drydak. 

Another Reg threw in his guess. “Yeah! The other two look like their asses are so tight you’d hear a SQUEAK!!!” 

Tech’s head shot up from his data pad and gazed over alarmed at the Reg who was speaking with authority about HIS anatomy. 

“ENOUGH!!!” Cody bellowed. Everyone immediately straightened up to full attention. “Corporal, open the bay door and air it out!” 

Rex, speechless, put his hand over his nose. 

Tech quietly glanced at Crosshair. There was a satisfied look on Cross’ face with just a hint of a grin. Cross gave Tech the side eye. Tech glared back at Crosshair with his best dignified, “YOU ASSHOLE” expression. Cross just chewed on his toothpick. He was clearly VERY pleased with himself. 

Hunter leaned into Crosshair and whispered. “Do it again and I’m personally throwing your ass off this ship.” 

“Mhm...Almost worth it.” He snarked back arrogantly. 

Even though quiet and still standing at attention, it was clear the 212th Regs were fuming during the rest of the ride to Skako Minor. 

Finally landing sometime later, the men filed out of the ship with several of the Regs body checking Wrecker as they walked past. 

“HEY!” Wrecker protested. 

“Get out of my way you STINKY BEAST!” 

“YEAH, were you trying to gas us out back there!!!” 

“THAT’S IT! Tech, gimme your repair torch!!!” Wrecker had enough of this BS. 

Tech protested “I don’t see how that’s relevant to this situation...” 

Wrecker yanked the torch off Tech’s utility belt and turned towards the two Regs. 

“For the record...I’M NOT QUIET!” His voice rising.  

“What are you going on about STINKY???” The Reg stood his ground sneering. 

Wrecker wasn’t going to let this go. “You know what I like to do???” 

Both Regs stood there looking at Wrecker, then glanced at each other, then back at Wrecker and just shrugged. 

“I LIKE TO BLOW THINGS UP!!!” Wrecker shouted. With that he turned around, bent over, engaged the torch and squeezed out a LOUD fart that sounded like a TUBA BLAST. It ignited like a flame thrower, shooting out a jet of fire from his bum. The blast rolled over both Regs where they stood. Two high pitched Wilhelm screams were heard as both Regs took off running...their heads smoldering. 

Wrecker laughed like a maniac...and handed the torch back to Tech. 

Tech embarrassedly cleared his throat. “Uh...I assume those soldiers will need medical assistance...” 

Rex turned to Cody mortified. “THESE are the guys that are supposed to help us find ECHO???” 

“Yep...” Cody deadpanned. 

***************************************** 

Later, after Kix had medically treated the Regs, Cody marched them over to Wrecker to apologize. Both men were noticeably missing two things: Dignity and their eyebrows. 

Wrecker couldn’t help himself. “Whattsamatter? You BOTH look so...SURPRISED!” 

The rest of the 212th erupted in hysterical laughter. From then on NOBODY picked on Wrecker and he was the regiment favorite. 

Crosshair sat nearby on a boulder watching all the action go down. 

Hunter strolled up to Crosshair and kicked his boot. “You know this is all your fault, right?” 

Cross pulled out a fresh toothpick, inserting it into his mouth. 

“Hmmm...and enjoying EVERY minute of it.” 

PLEASE like, comment, and/or REBLOG!

(Please let me know if you want ON or OFF the taglist. Thanks!)

To read #2 in this series:

https://www.tumblr.com/skellymom/740278235151106049/bombs-away?source=share

#star wars #the bad batch #tbb #bad batch #clone force 99 #hunter #tbb hunter #tech #tbb tech #wrecker #tbb wrecker #crosshair #tbb crosshair #tbb fan fic #tbb fanfic #tbb fanfiction #the bad batch fanfic #the bad batch fan fic #the bad batch fanfiction #tbb one shot #tbb oneshot #the bad batch oneshot #skellymom #silent but deadly #the bad batch one shit #wrecker is a human flame thrower

[annaofaza]

Vash decides a few hours in that professional mixers are not his thing.

Or maybe it's this particular group that's a bust. He loves Nai, but the people he hangs out with are... something else; one blue-haired guy cornered him about "changing the world" and "showing the way" with his pupils just a bit too wide and his presence far too close. Another guy with a tuba tried to fight him over his senior thesis on UN peacekeeping tactics, and when he'd tried to hide in the bathroom, he'd received a loud "FUCK OFF" from someone smoking in the only closed stall.

Nai is thriving in the competitive, cutthroat future CEOs environment, and Vash just has a stomachache from eating twelve quiches and almost all the dessert charcuterie board.

He texts Nai heading out, meet back home before beating his retreat out the back door, pulling out his phone. Nai drove them here, so he's going to either have to Uber or find a viable bus route, but between the peak prices soaring with every second and the "forty minutes of walking" on the shortest routes home, neither really appeal to him. He saw some hipster doughnut shop nearby, so maybe he can at least make the way back more bearable—

"Hey, blondie."

Vash whips his head up, hand moving instinctively to the small, unused canister of pepper spray Meryl had given him after freshman orientation ("Trust me, you'll need it."), but pauses when he sees him.

He's under a streetlight, back against the brick wall, playing with a lighter. It's not a cheap BIC one, either; it looks like real silver, and the way it flashes through the twiddling fingers makes Vash pause like a moth to the flame.

The guy's handsome, too, even if he's wearing sunglasses at night—and Vash, although he's seen many Dateline episodes that begin like this, emits a "Hey."

"Hey yourself," the guy says, "escaping the party?"

Vash laughs. "Yeah. I came with my brother for moral support, but he seems to be doing okay on his own. You?"

"Same here—though mine wanted to try to walk around on his own for a bit. I'm here in case he needs to be bailed out."

Vash smiles. "That's nice of you."

"Hey, he's my little brother; I'd do anything for him. Except maybe stand in the same room as some guy talking about the pros of nuclear and biochemical weapons. "

Vash laughs awkwardly. "That might have been my brother. But I swear he's sane. I think."

The guy chuckles. "I'll take your word for it. By the way, do you have...?" He gestures to his lighter.

"Oh, no, I don't," Vash apologizes. "I don't smoke."

"Damn. Well, worth a shot." The guy grimaces, but sticks his hand out. "Sorry, usually I ask someone's name before I start shaking them down. I'm Wolfwood."

"Vash."

"Vash," Wolfwood repeats, drawing out the syllable. "Looking good."

"Have we met before?"

"I would have remembered someone as beautiful like you."

Oh, a real charmer. Vash isn't opposed to it, though. "Same here—" he begins, lowering his voice.

Then it hits him. "You're the asshole from the bathroom! You told me to fuck off!"

Wolfwood bursts out laughing. "Did I? Well, I'm sorry about that; I was avoiding that blue-haired guy who was clutching my arm and asking me what faith meant to me."

"Oh. I get it now. Do you think he's a Scientologist? He had that energy."

"Has to be. Definitely something evangelical. I'm familiar with that." Wolfwood plucks something underneath his shirt, frowning.

"Oh?" Vash doesn't know if he should pry further, but Wolfwood shrugs.

"Grew up in a cult, actually."

"I'm sorry?"

"It was a long time ago," Wolfwood mutters, then flicks off the lighter with a sharp click. "But we got out in the end."

Vash moves to lean against the wall, feeling the bricks dig into his back. Wolfwood is a comforting presence, somehow, next to him. "It must have been tough, especially with your brother, too."

"Like I said, I'd do anything for him." Wolfwood shakes his head. "But this isn't the conversation I want to be having with you."

Vash takes the opening: "And just what do you want to discuss? Politics? Etiquette? Global—" His eyes veer to the curb, where an undoubtedly fine motorcycle is parked. "Or that?"

Wolfwood grins, excitement dancing in his eyes. "Angelina? She was rescued from the scrap heap and restored. You know about bikes?"

"No," Vash confesses. "I haven't even ridden one."

"No?" Wolfwood straightens up and slips his lighter into his pocket. Vash mentally sighs; no cigarettes, no bikes, that's as good as three strikes, he's out. At least doughnuts haven't let him down...

But Wolfwood surprises him.

He turns his head and crooks his finger at Vash. "That settles it. Let's go."

"Weren't you supposed to wait for your brother?" Vash asks, heart jumping.

"We can just take a few laps around the parking lot. Coming?"

Yes!

But Vash puts his hands on his hips. "Do you have a helmet?" Some things Rem instilled in him still remain.

Wolfwood snorts. "Yeah. Look in the basket."

Vash opens it and sees exactly one. "What, nothing for you? Don't you care about your head?"

Wolfwood sighs. "You're sounding a lot like Livio. Do you want a ride, or are you going to quote danger statistics, too?"

Normally, Vash would, but... He's a simple man in the end. "Just be gentle, " he warns, with a mischievous smile as he buckles the helmet, "It's my first time."

Smirking, Wolfwood swings one leg over the seat and pats behind him. "Certainly. Arms around me tight, sweetheart."

The engine roars to life, seat purring and vibrating underneath his thighs, and Vash grins, nestling his chest tight against Wolfwood's back. "Like you had to ask."

#vashwood #trigun #my fic #totally based off a few of my mixer/party experiences #unfortunately the dude did not have a helmet at all so i did not take that offer but vash gets to have fun

[sanderstime]

My favorite headcanons, Dark Side Edition

Orange Side: "wow, you're including him?"

Yeah I know, I'm so great for doing so. - He is an instigator, he causes fights and debates constantly by blurting out an opinion he knows the other sides will hate just so he has an excuse to yell (he thinks it's fun.)

-He's naturally a loud guy, his whispers are barely quieter than normal talking.

-His handwriting is TERRIBLE. No one can really read it, except Remus because he taught him how to decode it. Just so he can annoy Janus when he can't figure it out.

-Remus and Janus are his best friends, and he specifically loves to make Logan mad.

-He's tried to make Patton mad and has only succeeded once, and never again. He keeps trying though.

-Loves spicy things. Probably eats takis for breakfast.

-dyes his hair flaming hot-Cheeto ass red, and he's iconic for it.

-He wears leather jackets... yeah...yeah he does.

-Cronus. that is his name ty

Remus:

Where.... where do I even BEGIN

-He's slightly taller than Roman and holds it over him constantly "Oh you can't reach the top shelf? let the BIGGER brother get it for you."

-Remus definitely writes fanfiction. Thats it.

-He is very musically gifted with instruments, especially the Tuba. He will convince Roman to perform with him and make him sing along to his tuba for 'brotherly bonding.'

-The first one to get lost if they went to an amusement park together, Logan would have the map and then turn around to see Remus is already missing.

-Dude is weirdly extremely flexible, like nearly contortionist-level of flexibility.

-he made a deal to marry Janus if they were single by 40. He initiated it and bothered him until Janus sighed and went "Fineeee."

-Like Roman, he sings on a daily basis, just... a lot more purposefully obnoxious.

-He likes to go into Romans room and make things just out of place, like stealing a single bulb from his fairy lights or moving things slightly to the left.

-He loves to play hide and seek, sometimes he'll just hide for no reason until someone finds him and screams when he gets scared.

-He also loves Disney, but he likes bringing up the disturbing behind-the-scenes facts that he knows.

-He actively thinks about the Roman Empire, as a joke.

-He does his makeup too, and he often does Romans' makeup too- it's one of the few parts of the day when they don't argue at all.

Janus:

-Despite loving snakes, he actually has pet rats. Two of them.

-He's the kind of guy to start a fight between two people and then begin recording when it escalates "Oooh did he just call you that? You going to let that slide?"

-In AU's where they have powers, I like him having the ability to shapeshift into people he makes a connection with. So when he finally opens up with someone he transforms into them and back to his normal self to prove that he cares y'know...

-He does care a lot, even though he fights often with the other sides he sees them all as his friends. Remus will always be who he's closest with.

-He and Virgil being bitter exes makes sense. idk it just does. I don't make the rules.

-His favorite board game is Secret Hitler. Because he is great at it.

-Birds creep him out, he doesn't like how they look up close and how loud they can be.

-Made a fake account posting fake science facts and tagging Logan, so Logan will go on long tangents about how wrong he is. Then he will reply with "Nope."

-Every time someone asks him to hand them something he will say "No." and hand it to them anyway.

-Makes sure everyone is taking care of themselves, he may not get along with everyone all the time but at the end of the day, he makes sure they are properly taken care of.

-would definitely get a two-headed snake tattoo.

- he NEEDS snakebites, like... c'mon.

#remus sanders #janus sanders #deciet sanders #dark sides #orange side #sanders sides #sanders sides headcanon

[bluemoonperegrine]

A study in contrasts

I have half a mind to make the flaming sousaphone guy one my background despite the lousy image resolution. 😂

Hat tip to @johannesviii for the "consumed by darkness" text post

#werewolf by night #werewolf by night memes #werewolf by night text posts #flaming tuba guy #flaming sousaphone guy #living his best life #elsa bloodstone #jack russell #marvel #memes

[laughingsquid]

An Amazing Flame-Throwing Tuba

[honourablejester]

Okay. So I saw a giftset of Werewolf by Night, and it’s the first thing Marvel has done in a decade that actually interested me. I’ve never read any of the associated comics, but it looked really fun. So I borrowed my sister’s Disney+ account and watched it. I’m a sucker for a good Universal-style horror.

And it was a good Universal-style horror. I actually enjoyed that. A lot!

Spoilers and more detailed (long) reaction under the cut:

I can see the Wolfman and King Kong influences, definitely. There’s also a distinct House on Haunted Hill/Clue vibe as well, and a bit of Tales from the Crypt/The Abominable Dr Phibes for Ulysses Bloodstone. And a fair bit of Young Frankenstein for the ‘will reading’ and the choice of black-and-white. I also got a bit of The Breed from the cage scene, but I doubt that one was intentional, just where my brain went. All round, a fabulous selection of classic screen horror influences.

Also. Jack Russell. Is adorable. I have so many questions. How did this idiot manage to infiltrate a secret organisation designed to kill him while apparently fucking YOLOing it the entire fucking time. He somehow got a medallion for entry (off a hunter?), he got explosives, he got explosives he doesn’t know how to use, and just … strolled up and figured he’d come up with a plan as he went? Ted! Ted, you can’t let him out alone like this!

(Apparently Ted is exactly as bad, Ted is a danger magnet, Jack YOLOs shit all the time because Ted is always getting captured, I cannot with these two. They’re idiots. And adorable)

Like, Elsa lands in the middle of this idiot convention, and hats off to her for rolling with it spectacularly.

Of course, from Jack’s perspective, he’s landing in the middle of her idiot convention. I fucking love his expression during the ‘will reading’, like trying not to glance around during the animatronic corpse recital all ‘what. the fuck. is this normal for you? do you people live like this?’. I love when you hit the first reveal of Ted, and you realise that this is not Jack’s scene, and from Jack’s POV he’s infiltrated the weirdest collection of psychos on the planet. Like he rocked up without a plan, to a society dedicated to killing people like him, and now there’s a wind-up clockwork corpse and a flaming tuba and five psychos trying to kill each other (and him, and Ted) over a rock. He’s so hilariously awkward trying to fit in, but like … how do you roll with that sight unseen? He did pretty good for a guy with zero preparation who walked into that.

(To be fair, the other hunters were also perturbed by the whole animatronic corpse thing)

Sidenote: Harriet Sansom Harris is having a ball as Verusa, and more power to her. If you’re going to be the vindictive, crackpot widow of the Abominable Dr Phibes, you might as well go all out.

And Elsa? You turned out surprisingly well, considering. Well done girl.

Also? Further question on Jack, with his cover story of a 100 kills. Did he … pick that number? Was he just brainstorming ‘what’s a good, round number of monsters for a hunter to have killed’? Did he mean to be the most apparently prolific killer there? Was that a real number? I have so many questions on how the hell he figured out where to rock up, how he got access to this event, did he kill a hunter to get here, did he just make a cover story up off the top of his head, did they verify his story at all? Like, how did he get here? What was the time frame from Ted being taken to Jack rocking up with his snazzy suit and his medallion and his explosives to get him out?

This werewolf boy is amazingly competent for such an absolute idiot.

On the flipside, mind you, this collection of psycho hunters are amazingly incompetent for a group of elite hunters dedicated to slaying monsters.

Poor Elsa. She’s pretty much the only relatively sane and competent person there. Which is amazing, given that that’s her dad’s talking corpse up there making death puns.

That being said, she does fully roll with the ‘fight each other to the death’ part of this ceremony as completely normal, while poor Jack is over here going, again, do you people live like this?

I adore Jack’s reunion with Ted in the maze. Like, the pair of them chiding each other for getting into trouble, and comforting each other, and being completely blasé like, this is fine, no problem, we’ll get out of this no trouble. Absolute idiots. I cannot. Who let them out alone?

This is followed immediately by a hunter overhearing them and Jack getting chased into and locked into a crypt. Because, again. Who let them out alone?

Whereupon he finds Elsa injured, and immediately offers to help, because she’s the only one who didn’t attack him on sight, and he’s just soft that way. He’s adorable. And more than Elsa can deal with, because who let this puppy into this death match? He takes off his snazzy tie to bind her wounds, and she already cannot with this man. He’s supposed to kill her, that is the entire point of this whole ritual bullshit, but he doesn’t know that, because he’s only here to rescue his friend (family) and these people are actually insane, and Elsa is just … okay. We’re doing this. I will help you save your friend. The monster. Named Ted. Because you are actually insane, but why not. Sure.

I love how she rolls with it. How despite being raised as a hunter by actual psychos, she immediately is onboard with nonlethal negotiation and taking the monsters at their word and putting her weapons away to deal with them. (I love this so much later, when she gets the Bloodstone before werewolf!Jack can get up, and then she puts it away, even though he’s just messily slaughtered an entire room, because him remembering her might work, and she’s willing to risk her life on that rather than hurt him unnecessarily. She’s visibly shit-scared during the entire cage scene and battle scene, but she takes her life and her nerve in her hands for his sake, despite having only just met him and the fact that he’s been secretly a monster. And her, a hunter and a hunter’s daughter)

They’re amazing, that conversation they have in the tomb, finding common ground, taking chances, thinking each other absolutely insane but in, like, a good way. She hands him down bits of her aunt’s corpse while she looks for keys, and he’s just … righto. He tells her to call Ted by his name and she’s all … the monster is named Ted, okay then. Family, right? Families are just like that.

Ted? You have a lovely name. Elsa! Because she’s also a bit of an awkward idiot at times.

Also. I absolutely cannot get over that Jack didn’t know how to use the explosives. He turns it on by accident. He’s running around with a hot grenade because he’s a fucking idiot who brought explosives that he didn’t know how to use. And the wall. Getting the sticky bomb in the crack in the wall. I cried. Buddy! Buddy! Just put it in the crack. Holy God. How? How is he alive? How is Ted alive? What is keeping this pair of morons in one piece? Aside from divine fucking providence.

I love Elsa’s giddy smile at seeing Ted run to freedom as well. Like, being polite to him worked, and he treated her right and sanely as soon as she did the same to him, and she’s legit happy that he’s free, monster or no monster.

And then Jack tries to return the favour, tries to pick up and give her the Bloodstone, and he’s a werewolf, and the mystic hunter artefact immediately lays him flat and exposes him for a secret monster too, and her whole face just falls. Not so much at the monster part, I think, and more because he fooled her, and now she doesn’t know how much of what went previously was real. Is he a lovable idiot who’s casually gentle with her, or did she get suckered by something more sinister yet again?

Also they’re both about to die, so there’s that. And he’s going to kill her.

The whole cage scene, her being locked in to be killed as a traitor by the monster she aided, really did jump my brain back to The Breed, just for the scene of Steven Grant being locked in with his vampiric and starving partner who he’s only shakily beginning to trust. I like what I like, okay? This is a good trope, I like it a lot.

And he’s still calm as anything, I’ve got 5 days until the full moon, we’ve got plenty of time to figure shit out! Honey. You’re in a cage, in a society of monster hunters, and they know you’re a werewolf. Could you maybe be a little bit worried? Does this man have any survival instincts?

And his first question is if Elsa is okay. And she still cannot with him. He is a monster, and he’s going to kill her, can he not with the sweet idiot thing? And he’s trying, because he knows he’s a monster, and he’s trying to control the harm he does, and he is essentially a sweet idiot. Who happens to turn into a ravenous monster once a month.

But he’s in the hands of different monsters now. And Elsa knows how they work. And she knows he’s going to be forced to kill her no matter what controls and systems he has.

And there he turns serious. There he turns afraid. Not that he might be hurt, but that he might actually be forced to hurt her. She’s taking it with desperate sarcasm and equanimity, but he’s suddenly deadly serious. Willing to beg. Willing to plead. And desperate to try and protect her from himself.

A tiny thing about the sniffing scene? Where a werewolf lunges across the cage, a strange man, and starts wrapping himself around her and smelling her? She’s a hunter. She’s a training fucking hunter who disliked the ritual on moral grounds but still saw nothing particularly weird about a ritualised fight to the death for a rock, and who has brutally killed one person and thrown down with several more so far. He lunges over and starts sniffing her, and she doesn’t kill him. Or even flinch, really, just asks what the fuck. She … very clearly, already, instinctively, wants to trust him. Even when he’s being really fucking weird and possibly deadly. You’re a woman in a cage with a strange man who you’ve only known for like two hours, and he jumps into your space and starts smelling your hair and skin, and you just … you roll with it? You let him? You immediately grok what he’s trying, and you just ask him if maybe it’ll work?

She’s trying to trust him. Despite him really not earning it yet. She’s trying to hope, not in her family, who she knows will betray her, but in a strange kind monster that she’s known for twenty minutes. She asks him if it will work. Does it work.

And he says … Once. One time. One time this saved a life, my wolf knowing someone’s scent. Once.

And then he stands up and begs not to be used against her, to be killed as he is, the only casualty of his idiocy.

I love when werewolves get the proper Universal Wolf Man treatment, the proper tragedy and desperate fear and hope for your loved one’s safety from your own monstrosity. Of all the classic horror tropes y’all could have picked, you picked a good ‘un.

But he’s also, the second he knows this is for real, immediately planning to fuck shit up for the assholes who’ve put him there. He’s looking around the room and planning. If they going to turn him against his will, he’s going to try to keep Elsa safe, and he’s going to fuck them up. He tells them to kill him as a man, or there will be no mercy, and he means it. As a man, not just as a wolf. If they want to open that box, okay. He’ll open it with them. He was planning. Where he’d hide. Where he’d strike. Before ever they turned him, he was planning how he’d kill them for it.

They are incompetent. I know they didn’t expect a werewolf to crash the party, but this hunter society are absolute morons who apparently have no idea what a werewolf can actually handle and do. They put him in a cage that can’t hold him and deliberately wake the monster. And then stand close enough to be mauled for it. Like. That is 100% on you, babes.

I love that Elsa is visibly terrified the entire time in this scene. She’s covering it with brittle sardonic asides, as best she can, but it’s clearly a faltering cover. And I don’t … I don’t love that she’s terrified because it’s a throwback to the damsels of classic horror, I love it because it isn’t. She’s terrified because she’s trapped helpless with a creature who will tear her limb from limb, and it’s her family that have put her here, and there’s no way not to be afraid of that. She’s terrified because she’s going to die, at the hands of a monster.

And despite that terror, despite that clear, scene-long agony of fear, she still makes the decision to trust him. She takes the risk of putting the stone away. When she gets it. With a rampaging werewolf on the loose, she takes the lessons he gave her with Ted, how terrifying things will treat you with respect and dignity if you only do the same for them, she takes this thing that goes against everything she’s lived and been taught and learned, and she risks her life on it. To avoid hurting a man who was only there to save his friend. He said he might remember her, even as a werewolf, a one in however many hundred chance of him not killing her, and that and how he’s treated her are enough for her to risk everything she’s terrified of.

I love the terror because it’s so clearly the groundwork for her absolute courage later. Her attempt to repay dignity with dignity, even at the risk of death.

Courage is not necessarily taking a weapon and facing a monster. Sometimes courage is dropping the weapon, despite everything you’ve ever learned, and trying to reach the monster instead. Not blindly, but because he did his best to reach and protect you as well, and because he and his friend have consistently showed what kindness and dignity are worth in the little time you’ve known them.

She’s a fucking good one, Elsa Bloodstone. No better black sheep to be caged with.

Also? Congratulations to this show on a good old fashioned monster scene. An excellent shadowy transformation and then a bloody, brutal fight scene. In which the two most brutal kills are Elsa’s, if only because we actually saw them, while Jack’s are mostly covered by blood splatter on the camera. She can fight. She could have fought him. She could have hidden behind the Bloodstone and just put him on the ground as Verusa did. But she didn’t. She saved him and put her weapon away to speak with him instead. Even with a werewolf straddling her, claws at the ready while she shakes with terror, she just holds his eyes and gently touches his face. Dignity for dignity, gentleness for gentleness.

And because of that, he recognised and spared her, even as a maddened, injured wolf among enemies, and Ted fucking swoops back in to save her life from her step-mother. Ted the tree monster, who can incinerate a person with a touch, crashes back through the glass fucking ceiling and saves her life. Because she helped out him and his bro.

They are morons, and I love them.

And then we finish to ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’ as the scene shifts back from the black-and-white of Ulysses Bloodstone and his ritual deathmatch, to the warm colours of Elsa picking up the pieces, and Ted and a werewolf-hungover Jack continuing their exhausted bromance-slash-marriage in the woods.

I wanna say congrats to the boys for surviving the Bloodstone family madness. And I wanna say congrats to Elsa, for surviving their idiocy.

I enjoyed this. Deeply. Like I said, it’s the first thing Marvel has done that I’ve enjoyed in a solid decade. Granted, a good riff on classic horror movies, while avoiding most of the MCU continuity, is likely cheating, but still. This, and only this, I would like to save and have on DVD. It was good.

And, to reiterate, who is letting Jack and Ted out alone? They’re idiots.

For the love of god, learn how to use your explosives. Before you accidentally set them off. Mother of the good god.

#werewolf by night #reaction #review #spoilers #classic horror #jack russell #man thing #elsa bloodstone #this was an excellent riff on classic horror #and i enjoyed it #a lot

[dorksidefiker]

Every Funeral Hunt needs a flaming tuba.

#werewolf by night

[mxlovinovargas]

TREMENDOUS DYNAMITE — PRUSSIA x READER

Synopsis: He's after you.

Tremendous Dynamite

CW: Stalking, Predator-Prey Scenario, Obsessive Thoughts, Obsessive Behavior, Creepy Behavior, Uncomfortable Scenario, Use of Country Names, Reader-Insert.

Word Count: .800

I am El Hombre Lobo. 

But you?

You were something that made Prussia quack in his very wake, like a sick puppy staring into the mouth of a deadly disease that wanted to open its maw and swallow whole, like there was a blade chopping down and his head would roll. You were a force—something beautiful and something clean, dirtied only by the blood on your knuckles and the skin of your teeth that glistened with the sweat from a battle. Prussia always turned his head whenever you walked into the room. 

Nothing short of a thrusting storm, of a hurricane carrying the ichor of the sea ready to sweep him off of his feet; like the day dips into the horizon, and Prussia was on the prowl for a restless night. 

He dodged behind the crevice of two tightly pressed together business buildings, unimportant and his only source of shelter, as he staked you out like a cat hunts a mouse. You walked so boldly, so sure even in the dead of the night and Prussia felt the rhythm of his head pound away like parade drums in his head. The spin of color guard flags, the sound they make as fabric pulls taut and flaps, the way the wind blows through them. The trumpets on high, the tuba on low—of screeching flutes and humming trombones, Prussia hears the whole damn thing playing in his frustrated head and he grimaces thickly. This was a game Prussia was messing with that he knew could end in explosions galore that shatter through his very soul to send him running for the hills to never be seen again (messing with you was always like that), but he’s got a fuse that he can light. He flicks the flame of a match, shh chaaa, and red spindles flicker like seeding fireweed. 

She’s tremendous, she’s dynamite—

Prussia steps out into the limelight, doused by pale yellow from dinky old street lamps that don't offer much but enough to cast deep shadows across his grim face. The shadows dance for a brief moment as he moves forward, following following following, as Prussia trails after your retreating form. You don't notice. 

Or, at least, Prussia thinks you don't notice. 

His first footfall makes an echoing clap that resounds off of the wall, reverberates like bubblegum and glue, and clings to the shell of his ear like a formidable gunshot. Then, you run. Prussia splutters like a dying lemon’s transmission before he sprints forward like his life depended on it. He grits his teeth so harshly that they make a terrible squeak in his mouth as he balls his fists and chops his arms to the pace of his running feet. He should have expected nothing less! The grit turns into a halfhearted smirk. Oil spills of maroon and violet eat up your form as Prussia stares, watches your every move and every turn. He twists his body to follow after you. You are one helluva little opponent—Prussia knew it wouldn't be this easy. 

She could put up a hard-won fight. 

You’re so clever. If Prussia didn’t know these streets like the back of his hand, he would have definitely lost you by now; fortunately, for the dastardly man chasing after you, he did and he was gaining on you fast. Your head might be screwed on real tight, but there's only some many bobs and weaves you can do until—

until you're at a dead end. 

And this, this truly is your birthright. 

Tremendous dynamite you may be, but every explosion has its smoke and mirrors before it evanescences and then disappears in the fade of char and misery. 

I am El Hombre Lobo, Prussia thinks to himself as he stands so tall and so looming behind you, in front of you, before you. He traps off your escape and he can see your shoulders heaving. He stalks forward, leering with those schmears of red and purple looking so insanely pleased and victorious. Prussia takes in all you have to offer, basking in it so appraisingly and so willingly and so greedily and so needily. He can't help but feel giddy, can't help but feel the sparks of electricity in the tips of his fingers as he draws near. The way your shoulders pinch, the way your breath seems to hitch in fear at each of Prussia's footsteps. The heels of his boot click like a bomb by the second and he's so close that if he opened his mouth to breathe you in, he would taste you too. 

On the prowl, Prussia comes, and then he sees you turn so demurely that it feels like slow music and he can hear the band in his head go into a slow rocky jazz that leaves a one-two riff strumming in his aching eardrums. It’s past midnight. You turn around fully. And Prussia’s dartin’ under the town’s searchlight as he closes in totally. 

But it’s all worth it to take a bite. 

You're tremendous, you’re dynamite.

#hws prussia #prussia x reader #hetalia world twinkle #hetalia x reader #yandere x you #yandere x y/n #yandere x reader #prussia x y/n #prussia x you #yandere prussia #yandere hetalia #yandere hetalia x reader #Cib Writes SPICY Fics

[juicesnatcher]

Man, Pseudoregalia could really use some extra bosses. Sprinkle a few of them in near the Major Keys, rather than it just being the tutorial fight, and the final boss. Maybe some new, stronger variants of the basic enemies, since you can just one shot most of them using the dream breaker kick move. Give me new egg guys, new tuba goobies, another flame maid, stronger soldiers, something!!! Combat is simple but good, and it's got a nice risk reward system with its charge meter (choosing between keeping your damage buff or healing and losing some of your strength), but it's so underutilized!!!

I want to design some concepts for them, even if I know I could never model or add them to the game no matter how badly it'd benefit from them. It'll just be fun to come up with ideas of what could have been.

#juice rambles #pseudoregalia