#the emotional toll it takes

[thirstghosting]

my blog title is still buffy angstposting but like I burned through all of the arcs that actually pay off and I just. its like slitting my actual wrists to carry the series to term ykwim

#tw self harm mention #im not being flippant watching buffy chronologically is in fact self harm #ough #the emotional toll it takes #where do we go from here #ONCE MORE. WITH FEHFHUEBFHSDDFBHRFJSKSJDHFH #the fact that i same hat so hard when buffy sings about 'why wont you let me die!!' #actually thats an amazing meme premise #ref

[simptasia]

my mum died last night

#i was with her. i spoke comforting words to her as her breathing slowed #she didn't suffer - she wasn't in any pain. she heard me and became slower and slower then i... saw her die #i never predicted i'd be there at the moment of death #it was her time. her body had been slowly shutting down the last three days and she'd been officially dying for 5 months #she was so strong. she was hanging on for me. needing to know i'd be able to survive with her gone #once it was clear that things were gonna be fine (besides the emotional toll) she started to truly let go #i've been with her whenever i could be the last three days. and night nurses watched her as i slept #last nights nurse woke me to be with her in her final moments #besides hearing me talk the last few days - i was also running star trek for her to listen to #she couldn't communicate or move but we all knew she was aware of things around her #i gave her words of reassurance and comfort and the last words she heard me say were ''i love you'' #and three days ago before she lost the ability to speak the last words she managed were ''i love you'' #so things went as well as they could be considering the situation #she died a little over 12 hours ago. it was 7 hours before they could take the body away. that was. haunting #it's been a rough day. worst day of my life. but mum is at peace now. and i have a lot of kind people to support me #everything will be okay eventually and i have my whole life ahead of me and mum wants that life to be good #so i musn't give up. now matter how depressed i feel

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

okay firstly I AM IN LOVE with miles’s new single, but secondly oh my GOD i have literally never encountered anyone who’s so able to capture the profound and timeless heartbreak/elation/serenity emotional rollercoaster of a twin-flame kind of connection with someone

#i’m not saying who that twin flame is #(because although i have my own suspicions they’re just that - i obviously don’t know anything about the reality of his personal life) #but god #‘rest your soul on me/rest your bones on me/take your toll on me’ #i feel this so deep in my bones #thank you miles for your ability to capture such huge emotions and turn them into such beautiful and relatable songs #this is going straight to the top of my list of favourite songs of his #💖 #miles kane #the wonder #lulu posts

[e-dubbc11]

Happy Thursday, my lovelies!!

Just wanted to jump on here and say hellllooooo!

But also, your girl is STRUGGLING to be creative. I’m feel like I’m so behind on everything. I do hope to have something new for you tomorrow though.

For fans of the Sweetest Pain Series, I started a little something today. Little Anna Raven is getting a sibling and for everyone who’s read A Memory from Come in Raven, This is Blackbird, you know that Little Raven is getting a baby brother. We’ll see how she handles it 🤣

#ericca rambles #I’ll delete this later #the sweetest pain #something else I’m working on is taking it’s emotional toll on me #but i like it so far #tattoo artist billy russo

[starscelly]

#okay . sorry. i’m at the acceptance stage of grieving but i had to have a little bit of a not normal moment #thinking abt tyler having to just chuckle saying hockey is hard #tyler seguin who has been to 3 stanley cup finals and the only one he didn’t appreciate was the one he won #trying to chase the feeling of being 19 and the top of the world again #with a group of guys you actually love. a room you’ve cultivated to be loving. to be a family #and hockey is hard. the sport is hard and the emotions are hard and the toll it takes on your body and mind is HARD #but you can’t be the overpaid millionaire who complains that hockey is hard #you can’t stand up there and cry #acknowledge how it’s stolen time from your family you love so much away from you #it’s stolen your body from you. your mind. your heart. #and you give everything to it and it just keeps spitting in your face #and hockey hasn’t loved you since you were a teenager but you loved it and you love the people it brings into your life #and you can’t even cry about it because you’re a millionaire man playing a game for a living #so you just have to laugh and say hockey is hard like more pieces of your heart aren’t being torn off every year #okay anyways #yap yap yapping #dallas stars i love u and u will always be famous. the love will be enough eventually. tyler i need you to know the love will be enough

[thatgirl4815]

Transitions & Tension

I know we’ve all been praising Mile and Apo for their acting this episode, but I want to jump in and say that what’s impressive isn’t only their execution of immense tonal shifts but the speed and at which they execute these shifts. Their mood changes are seamless rather than choppy and divided. Not only does it make the scenes more entertaining and realistic, but it also makes them feel whole. 

Like in this beloved scene:

The shift happens right in this gif. Kinn’s face falls ever so slightly--without saying a word, we’ve already connected the dots about what he’s feeling. It reminds me of Ep6 in a way. This flirtation between them is a break from the real world. Kinn gets caught up in the moment before reality crashes back in. Porsche’s smiling face brings him joy, but everything about their situation is fragile. Porsche is still Kinn’s bodyguard, and he must assume all of the duties that come with that, but Kinn has never really wanted Porsche in this position (and I don’t think he ever really will). In the first few episodes, it was out of obstinance and annoyance with Porsche’s attitude. But oh how the tables have turned by Ep7. Kinn has acted as Porsche’s bodyguard in previous episodes, and it’s all been leading to this realization that the only way for Kinn to guard his heart is for Porsche not to guard his body. It’s an unwinnable situation though, because regardless of Kinn’s authority, Porsche still has to assume his role, no matter how dangerous it is. Kinn failed to free him from it in Ep6, so the only option now is to keep Porsche close and pray for his safety. 

Back to my point: the fact that this one scene--this one gif--can bring all of this context to mind shows just how natural and impactful the transition is. The mood flips as Kinn’s expression changes, but that’s all we need to understand the gravity of this moment. They can flirt and play with each other, but there is always this underlying threat to their interactions--the thought that for all they have gone through together, they could be ripped apart in a million different ways. 

(We won’t talk about the fact that this scene also uses three different music selections, each with varying tone, to coincide with these transitions. It’s a risky move to use so many selections, but in my opinion, it works. And Jeff’s soaring vocals of “Why don’t you stay?” as they look at each other??? Yeah.)

Let’s not even get started on the newest installment of The Scene™, because that’s got mood changes galore. Rage, frustration, heartbreak, guilt, forgiveness, desperation, lust, love: all in the span of only a few minutes. Mile and Apo have proven themselves to be phenomenal actors on their own, but they have a unique way of communicating with each other through their expressions alone. Their emotions are almost palpable, and they silently interact in a way that heightens these mood transitions effortlessly and realistically. 

From a screenwriting and acting perspective, this final scene is risky. It quickly becomes sexual, but this isn’t a hate-sex moment, as it very well could’ve been. Kinn and Porsche are very clearly sexually attracted to one another, but their coming together isn’t initiated solely by lust; as in both of KP’s sex scenes so far, the physical intimacy is inextricably tethered to the emotional intimacy. As @fleet-off​ mentioned in one of her posts, television doesn’t show emotionally-invested sex scenes very often, but that’s what makes KP’s so poignant. The tonal transition feel seamless at the end of Ep7 (at least in my opinion) because of these emotional layers they have built up so carefully over the course of the last seven episodes. I personally went into the show expecting the feelings to come after the sex, but I have been pleasantly surprised by the added layer of emotion because it makes everything feel not only necessary, but richer. And I think it’s really difficult to portray a relatively graphic sex scene and make it feel as if it really needs to be there.

Anyways, I go into more detail about how cinematographic features like lighting and camera angle play into these mood changes in this post.

As usual, this post became a lot longer than I intended, but my concluding thought is that KinnPorsche manages to handle transitions in a masterful way that I adore very much. 🙂

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche meta #Update: #I have rewatched the first gif of Kinn at least 1000 times now #His smile makes my heart so happy #He just wants to be with Porsche so badly ugh #I make so many serious meta posts but these tags are the place I can rant #because seriously they were making so many dirty jokes here but my heart couldn't handle the cuteness #PAPA KORN DARES TO INTERFERE IN THIS #Korn must know the toll that Kinn's role takes on him #He seems content letting his other two sons do what they want so long as he has somebody he can count on #I want Kinn to tell him off so badly but also #Can Porsche tell him off? #I'd pay to see that #LET YOUR SON BREATHE #Maybe if you weren't always strangling his emotions then he wouldn't be like that #The main thing I take away from this episode #Is that Kinn is desperate #It piggybacks nicely off of last episode #kinnporsche ep7 #kinnporsche episode 7 #kinnporsche ep 7

[fellhellion]

love that for all he has this massive interdimensional team, miguel feels desperately isolated in the emotional burden of what he does. men will literally have breakdowns about how they’re supposedly the only one holding it all together and claim all the responsibility for how to approach these issues (probably because that suffering feels like the closest measure to atonement), instead of going to therapy. or like. confiding in literally anybody about this before you start breakdown-blaming a teenager. 

#his issues? i analyse that #the worst bit of it all is that hes not alone but doesnt confide w literally ANYONE w the emotional toll its all taking #<- not to mention miles is gonna probably prove that emotional burden was unnecessary in the first place GOD lmao #tunes talks spiderverse #miguel o'hara

[mhaynoot]

i am gripped by the ankles at the thought of lee seolhwa and kim dokja doing makeup and skincare routines together, and like just exploring her relationship with kim dokja in general. like how he saved her, how he said it was because of yjh, how he carefully makes efforts to separate her (and lee jihye) into yjh centred boundaries, off limits to kdj's deepest affections, and yet look how he readily sacrifices and hurts for her just as easily, also how she drugged him to sleep alongside kimcom

#orv #orv spoiler #hawrites #gonna put hsy fic on hold because that is taking an emotional toll on me that i am not ready to confront and also because of this #i want to write lsh & kdj bonding as he recovers #i want to write the in between states #i want them to explore dokkaebi skills and makeup and skincare #i kinda wanna just explore how he gave her autonomy back to herself after getting posessed by an insect #itd be funnn

[finelinens]

#also said in the replies: #“Actual adults have to deal with the emotional toll of your tantrums.” #“Grow up and take some responsibility for your own discomfort and disgust.” #good shit #i could talk about this for days but i will not #ok i sleep now bye

[tzufcallsmeshomps]

Just a moment of rest would be nice

#shompsketch #blaze royal #blaze #oc #original #the mental exhaustion has me wishing i could just go to sleep #but then there’s the nightmares #it doesn’t cancel out the love and support of my people… neither cancel each other out #and having these two emotions at such an extreme for a prolonged period of time takes it’s toll. #a 9 month old just turned 10 months old in an underground tunnel and i can only wish his mom gets to hug him (she’s a hostage too). #there are 3 and 4 year old hostages who’ve gone a month without a hug #and even when they’re hopefully rescued their parents won’t be there to receive them #they’ve been surrounded by their parents’ murderers this whole time #they shouldn’t need to go through this #will they ever recover #just. it’s this loop of grief and stress and urgency and worry and betrayal from those who see no problem tearing their pictures down. #with a latte in their other hand and a smug sickening smirk. #crumbling the paper. throwing it on the sidewalk. stomping on it and walking away like it’s nothing. #…can’t write more. rant over. #over and out #why am i even putting this in my art tags i don’t even know #but can’t bring myself to remove and put in a separate post

[unnecessarilygrandiose]

here's the thing: buck had already begun to understand his worth, even before the coma.

his coma dream wasn't an alternate dimension he travelled to, it was, as coma!bobby said, a dark part of his subconscious. and if buck truly underestimated his worth to others, i think everyone in his dream would be living a fine and dandy life without him. but no, even though daniel was alive, in this world where buck never became a firefighter, maddie was stuck with doug (more permanently, since they had a kid), eddie had lost his son, bobby was dead. deep down, he knows that he's important to them.

but for the first time, he's learning to be important to himself. he's learning that he's not defined by what he can do for others, that what he does for himself matters too.

yes, his family has his back, but now, after this, he's going to have his own too.

i just think that's beautiful.

#god this show #i was so afraid they'd drop the ball on this part but they delivered #now i just hope that they close the buckley parents chapter in a satisfying way... it seems like buck's giving them a second chance #i hope they have at least one conversation about everything #and as for the sperm donor plot... yknow now i'm not so afraid for buck #i mean yeah it'll still probably take an emotional toll on him but hey that might be setting up to buck wanting to officially become #a parent next season #and... well.... #911 fox #evan buckley

[vampiremansionpoolboy-moved]

going insane over the fact that happiness and care and concern and love is underneath every interaction between newt and hermann in pacific rim

#HEAR ME OUT. they’re introduced and newt and being a groupie and behind him hermann is all huffing and rolling his eyes and shaking his #head but he’s Not Angry. no. he jumps to defend newt albeit in a somewhat mocking and sarcastic way BUT THE THOUGHT IS THERE. and then when #hermann is rambling on about numbers being the handwriting of god newt is in the background smiling and laughing and making silly #hand motions and yes the hand motion was a bit mocking BUT THATS THEIR WHOLW THINF. anyways i’m not done. when newt drifts with the kaiju #and pentecost is there talking to him and hermann and newt r yelling back in forth u can hear the unease and shakiness in their voices and #especially the frustration in hermanns. he’s frustrated abt newt risking his life and is worried abt that which translates out in anger. #and yeah maybe he’s salty abt being proven wrong too lmao. BUT CONTINUING ON. stacker could have just told newt to go to hannibal chau and #he would have done it. but instead they watch the film of him on HERMANNS computer as HERMANN controls the computer to look at the film. if #thé film was shown it was for a reason. newt doesn’t seem like the type to need reassurance abt chau before he goes. he was willing to die #for his trash drift. and stacker gave him the card and info so there’s no need to do anything else. the video is most likely there for the #viewers but it needs a reason to be there in the show. hence my reasoning that HERMANN asked to see it out of concern for newt who would be #doinf this alone. hermann demanded to see some proof to reassure himself. stacker having the card on him makes sense. him having that bulky #tape doesn’t. meaning hermann pressured him into leaving getting the tape and coming back to show him. anyways one more bit. so the drift. #hermann is clearly scared out of his mind and thinking abt the impending triple event. yet he still drifts with newt he does it to protect #him to take part of the neural load. and it takes a toll on hermann it makes a big enough mess of his brain that he ends with him bleeding #and shaking and sweating and coughing and throwing up. and he knew it would take a toll. he knew it would be a lot he’s seen the jaegers. #he’s seen what happens. he knows it will be rough. he knows it’ll be much worse for him who wasn’t drifted then for newt who has. yet he #still does it to help newt and to show his care and trust and concern and love and THEYRE DRIFT COMPATIBLE U DONT UNDERSTANDABLE HOW #EMOTIONAL I AM OVER THIS FUCKING OVER THEM #anyways one last thing. the way that they full body slapping each other on the back bear hugged when the throat collapsed (they were behind #herc and tendo so it was a little hard to see. i missed it the first time) in pure adrenaline happiness before we see the quiet tender hug #when they know everything is over for good (for now at least) when it’s time to celebrate when it time to think abt their drift and their #bond and their relationship and their LOVE. i’m so ok abt them rn actually #toad.txt #i wish i wrote this in a keep reading bit and not the tags now. anyways #pacific rim #pacific rim spoilers #newton geiszler #hermann gottlieb #newmann

[pinkminimarshmallow]

the effect of "if you do your job well then you get zero appreciation but if you slip up even a little then you instantly start hearing WHY IS THIS BROKEN" feels like such a common and frequent experience that applies to many different maintenance fields, i'm honestly upset it doesn't have a name. some sort of term to refer to this by. like "maintenance fatigue" or something

#is that a sign that people don't really talk about it? #WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT IT MORE #IT TAKES AN EMOTIONAL TOLL ON YOU #zoey's

[isekyaaa]

Alh*itham & K*veh relationship analysis (spoilers below)

I said before that Alh*itham holds a level of "resentment" for K*veh, but what I really meant was "contempt." It's the contempt you feel when you're pushed past the point of sympathy and pity. You see someone you care about that's in a bad state, but the thing is that they're ALWAYS in a bad state due to nobody's fault but their own. They go from pitying to pathetic and pitiful.

This line isn't because Alh*itham literally refuses to do good deeds. It's because giving into K*veh's nagging would only serve to enable his guilty conscience. K*veh's guilt is what pushes him to clean and do things. One would think that helping K*veh would help ease his guilt and ease his stress, but all that does is put a bandaid on a gaping wound. What K*veh needs to learn is simply to stop. Learn he doesn't need to clean. He doesn't need to do the errands. He doesn't need to be "good." He doesn't need to give. He doesn't need to DO. He can just BE and that's okay.

But K*veh doesn't learn. He doesn't catch the hint. He doesn't change. Then the thought comes, "Why should I care about someone that doesn't want to get better?" And the next thought, "But unfortunately I DO care, so this whole situation irritates me even more." Alh*itham can ignore K*veh for the most part, but the times he gets too much, Alh*itham's irritation and contempt begins to seep in and he gets more biting.

It confuses me why people pair these two together because they are not what the other person needs. K*veh needs care. He needs love. He needs reassurance. Alh*itham needs independence. He needs low maintenance. He needs stability. As of right now, they only make the other worse.

#analysis #kaveh #alhaitham #spoilers #i don't want to post this on my writing blog haha #feel free to reblog though #as for that last sentence tho some people just like dysfunctional relationship #so like that last paragraph isn't directed at you guys haha #it's at people that genuinely think they can be good for each other lol #as someone that has been and is now to a lesser degree in alhaitham's shoes i'd literally die than get paired up with someone like kaveh #the kavehs in my life are actually of the closest people to me #i love them very much #and yet their helplessness and addiction to self sabotage annoys the hell out of me #people are like 'why don't you help them and support them more???? aren't they your friend??' #and it's like... #why should I willingly drown trying to bucket out water from a sinking ship? #people like that take a heavy toll on your mental and emotional reserves #why would I do that to myself for someone who REFUSES to improve themselves and get better? #i'm not that altruistic #i know it sounds like i'm dissing kaveh a lot here but ppl like him are my favorite kinds of people #he (like the people in my life) are not the summation of their faults #however you can get your bottom dollar that that doesn't mean I'll pretend they won't exist HAHAHA #using caps for things bc i can't italicize on mobile browser

[crawlingwithmagg0ts]

Google how do I chloroform a man with no head

#i cant leave him on his own another year man he just a baby #the emotional toll it is taking on me that i can't stare at him just standing there #galloper thompson #gunnar thrymson #ssoblr #sso #star stable #star stable online #starstable #starstableonline #ssomemes #starstablememes #sso halloween

[r2y9s]

[ the great ace attorney ]

who everyone thinks is a vampire ->

<- actual vampire

au where ryuunosuke is a vampire but no one suspects him bc he's a literal ray of sunshine but they do suspect his tall dark and brooding prosecutor bf who is acutally very human

#the great ace attorney #tgaa #baroryuu #brry #dgs #barok van zieks #ryunosuke naruhodo #ryu feeds off the positive emotions of others so he's always trying to help ppl or make them happy #kinda like ludmilla from rf5 #zieks is more than happy to pull attention away from ryu mostly to protect him #difficult trials tend to drain ryuu and when soggy and zieks notice that it's taking its toll they call for a recess and shower ryu with #hugs and kisses and words of praise until he feels better #and of course even more once the trial is finally over #idk why he has fangs he prolly doesn't even drink blood lmao