#thats basically her asking how she's able to go to college. she should have brain damage after being technically dead for minutes like that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

selfcareparker · 3 years

Note

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag????#aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘#love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop.#my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me???#or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘#imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so)#i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀#sentencessss*

6 notes · View notes

mochismilesbrighterthansun · 5 years

Text

Poisoned

Chapter 2

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x reader

Warnings: This story in general deals with dark themes but more into the story. Smut. Choking, dark smut. Degrading names, rough dirty smut.

Word Count: 4,499

Genre: Smut, Angst

Summary: You always knew what you wanted, you had it all planned out. But on a vacation to visit your parents you met the new tattoo artist in town and you couldn’t stay away from him.

A/N: This story will deal with darker themes. I suck I’ve been meaning to update but I hadn’t had the time. I promise not to wait so long to update again.

You couldn’t sleep after that, your mind kept revolving around one little fact. You basically agreed to sleep with the guy and he flat out rejected you. How were you supposed to face him in the morning? You hugged the covers to your chest thought about leaving.

So you waited until you heard no sounds, then you got up and walked past a sleeping Tae. You went downstairs and exited making sure to semi lock the door before leaving. It was almost dawn and it was freezing. By the time you made it to Jungkook’s the sun was already up.

It wasn’t until you knocked and a disheveled Jungkook answered the door that you realized he didn’t sleep looking for you.

“Where the fuck were you?!” He asked frantically looking you over.

“I’m sorry there was a storm and I was hiding out in one of the shops downtown.” you explained not completely lying.

“Whose clothes are those?” Jungkook eyed you suspiciously.

“It’s just some sweats Jungkook. Sorry I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Not just me, your parents have been calling me non stop. They said you ran away and they assumed you’d be here. I mean same I thought the same you know?, courtesy and all.”

He eyed you suspiciously. He knew you were hiding something but didn’t want to push you too much.

“I have my clothes. Can we just dry them?” you began moving inside his home.

This you were familiar with. His home, his parents gone already running the super stores in town. Your head kept going back to Tae and you couldn’t help the humiliation that overflowed within you. But you would make it a point to avoid him at all costs. And it wasn’t like it would be that hard I mean you barely saw the guy.

That day you spent it with Jungkook hiding from everyone in his bedroom watching movies all day. The day was pretty gloomy outside either way. You decided to go back home the next day, but you asked Jungkook for a ride instead.

“Are you ever gonna tell me what really happened or is that to remain a mystery?” he asked while driving.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” you replied looking out the window.

“Whatever you say. Just remember I am your best friend and I do think I know you pretty well.” he probed before ignoring you completely.

Your parents decided to ignore you throughout the day. Even during dinner silence prevailed, while you looked between both of them you realized you were at your breaking point. This was pointless. They would never let it go, or you for that matter.

So on the fourth day of their silent treatment you decided to start packing. You stared at your suitcase for what seemed like hours before you placed it on your bed and began slowly packing your clothes.

“Is this a joke?” Jungkook’s angry voice filtered through the silence. His voice rose even more after you stayed silent and continued shoving clothing into the suitcase. “Y/N, Is this a fucking joke?” he pulled on your wrists to face you and realized you were crying.

“I can’t do this. You said they supported you while you needed them. Why can’t they do the same for me?, if they love me why won’t they want what makes me happy?” you asked brokenly.

Jungkook sighed and wrapped his arms around you.

“I guess they think that by trying to make you do what they want it will make everything better for you. That eventually you’ll be happy.”

“They don’t understand and I can’t be here and feel like I am not.”

“Why don’t we both talk to them?” Jungkook suggested.

You shook your head. “I’ll talk to them.”

Jungkook went outside and waited for you to talk to your parents. You sat down at the living room where they sat.

“I have something to say.” you announced.

Only your mom turned to look at you.

“If you guys mean it and think that what I am doing is wasting my time. I am leaving right now. My bags are packed. But if you want to make an effort for our relationship to be better we can do it, I’ll stay until it’s better. I love you guys.”

“Honey we want you to stay. We only want what is best for you.”

“I know that mom, but I know what I want and what will make me happy.”

At that your dad turned.

“Whatever makes you happy should make us happy.” he mumbled. “That’s what Jungkook said before leaving.” he turned back to the television. “We want you to stay.” you were about to object but he continued, “For however long you can. And then I’ll drive you to the airport.”

He didn’t move, too stubborn to show even the lightest affection towards you. You rose from your seat and hugged him tightly before kissing his cheek and doing the same to your mom. You rushed outside finding Jungkook by his truck. He saw your smile and rolled his eyes. But you still hugged him.

“Thank you.” you mumbled.

“No problem.” he mumbled against your hair. “Now let’s go celebrate.”

You both made your way to the club; the only source of entertainment in this small town. As you entered you couldn’t help but to feel wary, searching for the dark brown eyes that had haunted your memories for the last couple of days.

But as you entered you didn’t see him anywhere. Finally you gave up and went to sit at your usual stool with Jungkook. You stayed there for a couple of hours and then Jungkook walked you home. Your mind was still thinking about him when you felt a shiver run through you. You stopped and turned expecting to find someone behind you.

“You okay?” Jungkook asked stopping to watch you.

“Yeah I just could have sworn ….” you trailed off, “let’s just get home yeah?” You smiled at Jungkook and continued to walk towards your house.

As soon as you arrived you realized something was wrong, there was a small brown suitcase at the entrance. You took your coat off and hanged it looking around for either one of your parents.

“Mom? Dad?” You called into the house.

Your mom appeared by the doorway to the kitchen.

“Sorry sweetie we didn’t hear you come in.” She wiped her hands in a cloth.

“It’s okay I just got here.” You pointed to the suitcase. “What is that for?”

“Oh your dad received a call earlier. Thomas his friend from the city said his wife unfortunately passed away, so we are going to go to the funeral. We weren’t sure if you’d want to go.” Your mom explained.

“Oh I’m sorry, well I didn’t really know them” you stared at the suitcase. “When do you guys leave?”

“Tomorrow early in the morning, we should be back in a day or two. Will you be okay on your own?” She played with the small necklace around her neck, despite you living on your own she still felt nervous about leaving you by yourself.

“Oh yeah, I’ll call Jungkook. I’ll be fine mom go.”

She approached you and hugged you tightly against her.

“Okay, Dinner is almost ready.” she turned and walked back into the kitchen.

Dinner was something comfortable now. Conversation didn’t flow as easily as you wanted but they still asked questions about your life in college. And you answered them fully and eager for more questions. You liked them being interested in that other part of your life that was very important as well.

After dinner you went to your bedroom and closed the blinds, you began pulling your pijama out from your drawer when you felt a hand wrap against your mouth. The hand muffled the scream that tore out from your chest.

“Sshhh it’s just me.” Tae whispered against your ear.

His body was flush against your back as he held you tightly against him.

“I’m going to move my hand now, don’t scream yeah?”

You nodded quickly. He removed his hand and stepped away from you. You were confused and angered as you turned to face him.

“What the fuck is your problem why did you sneak into my bedroom?” You whispered harshly.

“You left, why did you leave?”

Your face scrunched up at that, “huh?”

“You left before I woke up why?” he tried again.

“What do you mean? How did you even know this was my bedroom??”

“I watched you move your curtains.”

“Oh God is that supposed to make it less creepy or more creepy?” Your voice was coming out in angry whispers.

“Will you just answer my fucking question?”

You sighed. “What?”

“Why did you leave? Last night?” he tried again.

“I didn’t I mean I stayed till the rain passed.” You eyed him then, “Why does it even matter it’s not like you wanted me there.” You turned away your cheeks burning in shame.

“Why cause I didn’t fuck you silly?” He was already at your back and you jumped at his deep voice against your ear.

You turned not moving away from him.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” You tried to sound bored but your heart was beating faster by the second.

He backed you against the wall.

“Last night. When you asked me to help you sleep princess.” His arms caged you against the wall.

“My brain was all wobbly I don’t remember.” You lied.

“How about now?, do you want me to help you sleep?”

You looked up at him at that, your mouth turning dry at his words.

“I bet you do, I bet you’re wet just thinking about the things I’d do to you.”

You were breathing hard, you squeezed your legs together at the shot of arousal that shot through you.

“Would you like to know?” He asked, his breath fanned your face. Slowly you nodded not being able to talk out loud. “Oh you have no idea, first I’d make you beg for me. And you would, you would be desperate for me to touch you. Just like you are now.” You made no move to deny his comment.

The tips of his fingers played with the waistband of your jeans. Your breathing came out shallow. You made no move to stop him as he began unbuttoning your jeans. You said nothing as you leaned completely against the wall. His eyes didn’t leave yours as his hand dipped inside your jeans and began touching you through your underwear. You left out a shaky sigh at the contact.

Tae growled as his fingers began massaging your folds through your underwear. “So fucking wet like I knew you would be.” You grabbed onto his shoulders as his pace quickened. He buried his face on your neck, “I wonder if you taste as sweet as I imagine.” You moaned at that, “would you like that? Would you like it for me to get on my knees right now and eat you up?” He growled against your skin.

Before you could nod or make any affirmative indication there was a soft knock on your door. It was soft but you heard it nonetheless. You jumped and pulled Tae’s hand from your pants as you made your way to your door in shaky legs. You turned off the light.

“I’m getting dressed!” You yelled through the door.

“I just wanted to say goodnight and we’ll see you soon sweetie. In case we don’t see you in the morning.” Your mom's voice filtered through the door.

“Okay mom have a safe trip.” you locked the door and turned to find Tae grabbing a pig from your bed. When he noticed you staring he smirked, and threw the plushie down. “You need to leave.” You said pointing at him.

“That’s not what you were saying a couple of minutes ago.” He plopped down on your bed.

“Listen I’m sorry for leaving like that but you can’t be in here my parents are down the hall.” You crossed your arms across your chest.

He rose from the bed then walking towards you in short strikes across your bedroom finally reaching you. His whole presence was intimidating as he looked down on you with dark eyes.

“Come to my place tomorrow.” He demanded. It wasn’t a question.

“What?”

He rolled his eyes. “I said fucking come over tomorrow.”

“This is a very unconventional way of asking someone out.”

“No princess this isn’t a date, just to finish what we started. I want to fuck you dirty, the kind that doesn’t wash off.” He reached for your hand and placed it over his clothed dick. It was hard, and the bulge was big. Your eyes widened at the contact. “Fuck, what I wouldn’t do to have those pretty lips wrapped around my cock right now.” Your eyes shot up to meet his. He walked away from your touch towards your window. “If you wanna fuck you know where to find me.” He called out before slipping out the window.

The next couple of days you spent them in a foul mood. First of all Tae had left you horny, and all you could think about was his fingers on you. His hands on you, and that clouded everything else. You went to the bar on two occasions looking to get at least a glance of him. But he was nowhere to be seen.

So on the fourth day Jungkook finally snapped.

“What the fuck is up your ass?” he complained harshly.

You turned away from him, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Fucking bullshit, you’ve been acting like a fucking stick is up your ass so fucking explain or calm the fuck down.”

“I’m just….” you trailed off.

“Just????” He prodded.

Your cheeks burned in shame.

“Just horny” you mumbled.

“Huh I didn’t hear you?” Jungkook asked getting closer.

“Horny! Okay? I’m fucking horny get off my ass!” You yelled out in frustration.

A couple of persons turned to look at you but you hurried down the hall pushing the grocery cart. Jungkook trailed closely behind you.

“Fuck, shit my bad. I didn’t know.” he tried scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Look sorry alright? It’s just been a while.”

“Um your hand?”

“Can we just change topics please?” You begged in shame.

“Of course. When are your parents coming back? It was supposed to be a short trip?”

“Uh yea they called me earlier, they told me they were gonna take a few more days.” You pushed the cart further down the aisle with Jungkook right behind you.

“Do you not own a vibrator or-?”

You stopped abruptly causing him to crash against your back.

“Jungkook we are done talking about this, let’s go pay so I can go home and burn in shame.”

Jungkook chuckled walking with you to the register, he drove you home but only dropped you off leaving you alone to fix the groceries by yourself.

You had thought about going to Tae but you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. He plainly stated all he wanted was sex, and by this point you were so horny any doubts were beginning to fade. Maybe just one time to get him out of your head. One time to know what sex with him felt like. You knew Jungkook would not come back for today, it was already late.

You thought about just going ang giving into this lust you felt. You sighed and decided to go take a warm shower and go to bed. After you showered you went into your room looking for a brush for your hair. You shivered as you felt a breeze.

You frowned as you went to close the window, you didn’t remember leaving it open. You closed it fully and pulled on the curtain. As you turned you saw someone laying down on your bed. You jumped in fear but it soon dissipated as you recognized him.

“Tae you gotta stop sneaking through my window and knock on the front door like a civilized fucking person would.” You complained ignoring him and walking into the bathroom.

“And miss that cute face you make when you are terrified come on now.” He leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed.

He played with the lip piercing on his lip and you wished it was you playing with it. He smirked through the mirror.

“I thought I told you to come see me.” His gaze turned dark.

“Uh yeah, but where is the fun in doing whatever you ask me to do.” you said before starting to brush your teeth.

“Oh you will princess. You will start doing exactly as I say.”

You rinsed and walked past Tae into your room. Your heart was pounding in your chest as you began to prepare for bed.

“Is there something you needed?” You stared impatiently, feigning boredom but that only made his smile widen.

“Why are you acting like you don’t want me to fuck you, we both know you have been drooling for my cock ever since you touched it.”

That did it. The shred of pride left vanished and all you wanted in that moment was for him to take you however he wanted. He must have noticed a change on your face because his smirk returned. He went to sit on the chair by your desk and widened his legs. You took that as and invitation and on wobbly legs you began walking towards him only to have him lift his hand to stop you.

“First you are gonna be a good girl and sit on the bed.”

You frowned but did as he said.

“Open your legs, show me that pussy.”

You blushed, and when you hesitated he groaned.

“Do what I’m telling you or else I’m leaving.” He threatened.

You slowly parted your legs, you shivered as you felt the breeze against your bare pussy.

“Touch yourself for me.”

“What?” Your face showed your surprise, you had never done anything like that in front of anyone before. Your legs sealed shut and you rose from the bed clenching the towel against your body.

You saw Tae rolling his eyes and eyeing you.

He tapped his thigh.

“Come sit here princess.”

You looked around your room awkwardly and then back to him.

“I won’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with.” He tried again.

You walked to him slowly and sat awkwardly on his lap. He began rubbing your thighs slowly, he grabbed your hips and positioned you to sit in between his legs. He kept rubbing your thighs and slowly his fingers inched to where you wanted him. The rings on his fingers felt cold against your skin.

His fingers reached your pussy and began sliding his finger across your slit. He groaned at the contact.

“You’re so fucking wet like I knew you would be princess,”

You rested your head against his shoulder as you let out a soft moan.

“That’s it princess let go,” he mumbled against your neck.

You began moving your hips chasing his fingers.

He chuckled lowly, “what do you need princess?, tell me what you want.”

“Your fingers Tae please.” You moaned out.

“I like hearing you beg, do it again.” He demanded stilling your movements with his other hand.

“Please, please finger me I need it so bad Tae please.”

“I like how pretty you sound begging. But wouldn’t you rather my cock?”

You moaned at that and nodded quickly.

“You need to earn my cock though baby.” He mumbled sucking on the skin on your shoulder.

“Pleasee.” You tried again because you needed his fingers anything.

“I said you need to earn my cock.” He said more forceful.

“How?” You groaned.

“You know how.”

Oh, you did in that moment. You knew he wanted you to blow him. And right then you didn’t care.

“Okay.” You said.

He stopped all of his movements and allowed you to get on your knees in between his legs. He leaned against the cushioned chair and placed his arms against the arm rest.

He caressed your face then. “Are you gonna be a good slut and suck my cock?” His words shot arousal straight to your center. You nodded. “Take me out then.”

You unbuckled his belt and began undoing his jeans. You reached for his dick and when you grasped it your eyes widened. It was so much bigger than you anticipated, long and thick and that was not gonna fit your mouth.

“I wanna see you choking on my cock like a good slut yeah? I’m gonna fuck your mouth and I won’t stop till I want.”

You looked up at him and didn’t respond because yeah you were so turned on you wanted all of that. So you allowed him to wrap his long fingers on your hair and lead you to his already hard dick. You opened your mouth as wide as you could. He began pushing you slowly down his length. He let out a growl as your mouth wrapped around his tip and he had to stop the urge to thrust into your warm wet mouth.

“Fuck yeah just like that fuck your mouth feels so fucking good…… come on take a little more for daddy you can do it.” He encouraged pushing you further down. Your eyes began to water as he pushed you further down his length. Once you gagged he pulled you off saliva dripping from your lips. “Do that one more time and I’ll fuck you. Choke on my cock for a little longer and I’ll give you what you want.” He led you once again but faster, this time not stopping when you gagged or as years began streaming down your face. He groaned loudly and pulled you off his dick. “Fuck I was about to cum down your throat.” He looked down on you with lust filled eyes. “Hands and knees on the edge of your bed.”

You rushed to comply, you heard slow steps behind you and the sound of his belt being pulled off. He ripped the towel from your body and caressed your ass with one hand.

“Do you trust me?” His voice was even deeper and it made you shiver.

“Yes.” You mumbled.

He leaned over you and placed the belt around your throat, you flinched and tried to move away.

“No baby wait, I’m not gonna hurt you.” He whispered against your ear.

You stopped moving as he placed a finger against your throat and tightened the belt not completely choking you. He pulled on the belt and you realized then it was like a leash. He was treating you like his animal and you didn’t know why but that just turned you on even more.

“I’m gonna fuck you now.” He warned aa his length dipped along your pussy collecting your juices. “Do you want it?” He asked teasing your clit with his tip.

“Yeeees pleasee” you moaned out.

“How bad do you want it slut?” His pace was torturously slow.

“Fuck soo much I need your cock so bad Tae, please just fuck me.” You begged.

“I don’t know if you really want it you didn’t come to my place like a good slut would.” He stopped his movements and pulled on the belt.

“Fuck I’ll come everyday for your cock please, please give me your cock.” You didn’t even know what you were saying all you knew was you wanted him to fuck you.

“Yeah? You’ll come get fucked everyday?” He began squeezing your ass with one hand as he pulled on the belt.

“Yes please.”

“Just for me right?”

“Yes Tae just for you please I’ll do anything.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” He growled, then you felt the tip against your entrance. He began pushing slowly, the burn replaced by pleasure almost immediately. “You’re so fucking tight.” He groaned as he continued to push. And in a final push he seethed himself all the way. You moaned loudly and when you tried burying your face against the sheets he pulled on the belt harder. “I don’t think so, all those sweet moans belong to me, this belongs to me now get me?” When you didn’t respond he pulled on the belt.

“Yes fuck yes it’s yours Tae.” You almost screamed.

You couldn’t see the smirk he had at that moment. But almost instantly he began a brutal pace, you felt as if you were gonna cum almost instantly. And he felt your walls tightening around his dick.

“Do not cum unless I tell you to, be a good slut and hold on for me.” He said pounding into you as hard as he could. The headboard began slamming against the wall at the brutal pace he was going and you were pretty sure your moans could be heard outside but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. “You are such a good bitch for me holding on, this tight cunt feels so good around my cock fuck.” He growled.

“I need to cum Tae please.” You said hoarsely.

“No.” Was all he said before spanking your ass. You moaned louder at that. “Fuck you like that?” He did it again eliciting another moan for him. “Fuck you’re perfect, I’m gonna fuck you so good little whore.” He pulled on the belt and you were almost kneeling on the bed completely standing up. He reached for your clit and began rubbing in fast circles. You whimpered at that. “Fucking cum around my cock right now.” He wasn’t asking he was demanding, and you did in a silent scream. Your orgasm was so intense you fell forward on your hands. He let go of the belt and grabbed your hips as he began an even more brutal pace pulling your hips to meet his. You began feeling yourself nearing another orgasm. “Where do I cum?”

“Inside my pussy, fill me up with your cum.” You groaned feeling yourself about to cum again.

He reached for your clit again. “Fucking cum, squeeze my cock again.” He demanded, he felt your walls tightening around him once again and he came almost instantly, you felt his cum inside and all you could do was whimper.

You never felt his weight on top of you. So you turned to see him using your towel to clean his dick. You looked at him curiously.

He looked at you when he felt you staring. “Fuck princess you look so good all fucked out with my cum seeping out from your cunt.” He tucked himself in and chuckled when he saw you shivering. “You like dirty talk?” He questioned. All you did was nod. “Good to know,” he turned and walked to your door. “I’ll call.” He said before opening the door and leaving.

A/N: thanks so much for reading!

#Taehyung smut #kim taehyung smut #bts smut #BTS fanfic #smut #angst #Jungkook #Tae smut #Bangtan Boys #Hoseok #Taehyung x reader #tattoo artist au #tae #bts scenarios #taehyung fanfic #BTS imagines

212 notes · View notes

saturnmyg · 6 years

Text

The devil wears givenchy (1) | Min Yoongi

❝ You’re a therapist who one day gets a call from someone who claims to be satan asking for an appointment. On the day of the appointment you expect to see a teenager or someone in their mid twenties instead you’re met with a man in a screaming red suit whose hair and eyes are as dark as the night but with an attitude of a spoiled brat, he surely cant be satan. ❞

➵ paring: Satan! Yoongi x Therapist reader

➵ author’s note: im excited for this series to start so i hope yall like it, also the question yn asks are question therapist have asked me on the first counselling session this is all based on experience.

➵ requested by : no one

| warnings in this chapter : cursing, mention of death

Masterlist

@minyoonjiswifey

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

‘’Miss Y/n’’

A deep voice followed by a knock rips you out of your thoughts and you look over to the door. The office's secretary Mr Kim stands there holding a planner in his hand

‘’There was a request or should i say a demand for a counseling session’’ Kim continues brows furrowing together telling you that he's mildly annoyed ‘’by someone claiming to be satan’’

‘’Excuse me what?’’ you fully turn towards secretary Kim with raised eyebrows.

‘’As i said he claimed to-’’

‘’No i understood that’’ you interrupt waving your hand dismissively ‘’did you ask what his real name is?’’

‘’I did-’’ Kim answers monotone ‘’- he said mortals shall call him Min Yoongi. i set an appointment this friday five o'clock’’

‘’Alright thank you for notifying me’’ you smile at the stoic man who just nods in reply, bows slightly and walks out of your office.

Mr Kim is.. a peculiar person. He's a man of a few words with an expressionless yet handsome face and mouse grey dyed hair thats most of the times slicked back. Though when finally does decide to talk, he tells the wildest stories that often gives you a whiplash.He's also an undefeated champion when it comes to giving backhanded compliments or at least they seem to be.

You'd think working together for almost nine years you'd be used to him.

Thats right, its been nine years since you started working as a therapist. You've always had an affinity to listening to other peoples concerns and to look at the problem objectively without it affecting you. Its funny though that you ended up in this profession. The past you was.. wild, especially during college. Don't get it wrong it wasn't that you were out partying all time but you and your group of friends were up to no good.

Your family was very poor when your mother was still alive. She loved gambling and spending her money on alcohol to the point where you had no food left at home. Which meant that fourteen years old you had to work, at a strip club as waitress. Not the best place for a minor to be considering the leeching looks the people sometimes threw at you but fortunately one of the security guys always looked out for you. until one day a sleazy looking man gave you his business card saying that he was looking for someone who'd be able to deliver stuff for him. Of course you were weary but the promise of a paycheck that was three times higher than the one you were already earning was too good of an opportunity to let it slip past you.

And thats basically how you became a drug dealer and how you met your friends who were either also working for your ex boss or working for his friend who often had his folks deliver drugs to your boss. Of course that slowed down the moment you became a senior. You started studying and participating in class more, the pressure of finding a socially accepted job after college weighing on your shoulder like a huge rock. You and some of your friends completely stopped dealing when graduation was nearing and your boss thankfully let you go but offered that the there would be always a spot open for you if you ever needed it.

Shaking your head you chuckle slightly and turn back to the computer. You've met countless types of people but no one ever has introduced themselves as satan. You're intrigued in finding out what type of person your client is going to be.

Shutting off the laptop you stand up from the table, take your jacket and put it on. Flickering off the lights you turn around and give your office a last glance before you exit out of the room. Walking down the pristine hallway towards where the reception you fumble with your car keys lost in your thoughts. Arriving at the entrance you see Secretary Kim sitting behind the computer typing something at a fast speed. Walking up to the reception table you knock on the dark hard wood a few times ‘’I'm clocking off’’

Secretary Kim looks up from the computer and nods curtly, the glasses sitting low on his nose bridge, before immersing himself in whatever he was doing before and you let out a small sigh

‘’don’t stay too long’’ you warn him and leave the office.

Standing in front of the elevator you hum a quiet tune waiting for the doors to open. A few seconds later a quiet ping indicates that the elevator has arrived at your level and the doors open. Surprised you see a tall man wearing a black coat with a book in his hand

‘’Ah good evening Y/n’’ The man greets you as you walk into the elevator, dimples poking out of his cheeks.

‘’Its already night Namjoon’’ you greet back with a small chuckle.

Namjoon works at the dental praxis that is one floor above you so you constantly run into each other. He's playful man who most of the times has a mischievous glint in his eyes yet from what you've seen is very serious about his job. Another thing is he's quite popular, even amongst your own coworker alongside with secretary Kim. But with those looks who wouldn't be, tan skin with deep dimples and voice, beautiful thick hair and legs so long they belong on a runway. Plus he got the brains too, he's what you call a total package, anyone would be drooling for him.

Namjoon reaches over and presses the button ‘’since its only 07:55pm its still evening’’

‘’Semantics’’ you reply with an eye roll and namjoon just chuckles. A comfortable hush falls over the both of you and you take out your phone. Your'e so immersed in looking at your schedule that you dont notice that the doors have opened. Namjoon nudges you and you snap out of it, bashfully you tuck your phone back into your pocket and walks towards the building's entrance.

‘’See you Y/n’’ Namjoon turns around smiles, his eyes turn into crescents.

‘’Bye’’ you wave and you both part ways. Taking your scarf out of the purse, you wrap it around your neck before tugging the jacket closer to your body. Winter has finally settled and you're overjoyed. You love November, you love how the city smells of cinnamon and mulled wine. How around every corner you can hear people already singing Christmas carols and how everyone just looks so happy.

Besides Christmas you love winter nights, specifically nights where you wake up at three in the morning to pee and you look outside to find freshly fallen snow. The snow making the environment look brighter and slightly alienating, kind of as if you live in a picture. Yet for whatever reasons that sight makes your bed seem more comfortable and warm.

Scurrying across the parking lot you take out your keys and unlock the vehicle. Quickly you get into it and slam the door behind you. Throwing your purse on the passenger seat you plug your phone in, scroll through Spotify till you find your playlist and press play. A smooth melody with a deep bass vibrates through the car as you're backing out of the parking spot and you quietly hum along.

The only thing about winter you don’t really like is driving on the iced street. Along with the lingering paranoia that any car could lose control and crash into yours.

Thats a bad habit of yours, imagining the worst possible outcomes of any situation. You could be walking down the stairs and suddenly you'll think about how you could fall down, hit your head and die instantly cause your neck snapped. So most of your rides are filled with anxiety and extreme caution.

Sighing slightly you shake your head before focusing back on the road.

⤑ ⤑ ⤑ ⤑

Unlocking the door you enter you home, take off your shoes off. Walking down the hallway into the living room you throw your jacket onto the gray couch and grab the remote control. Turning on the tv you continue to walk into the kitchen.

Your kitchen is pretty nice though, black tiles decorating the wall along with white and gray cabinets. As a matter of fact you decorated your place only with monochrome colors, to the point where even your dishes match the look you're going for. The plants that are widespread throughout the apartment finishes the look with a splash of green color.

To be honest, you've been meaning to change the color scheme but you're either are too lazy or too busy to do so. Maybe its cause you've gotten older but often times the colors make you feel alienating, kind of the same feeling you get when you enter an apple store. Future-esque but not homely or welcoming.

Opening the refrigerator you groan at the sight, slamming the fridge shut you notice the post on note. ''buy groceries!'' it says in bright red cursive letters. Great, whats the point of using post on notes when you don't even see them cause apparently now you're blind.

Grimacing your reach over to the house phone hanging on the wall corner that separates the kitchen and living room, and dial the pizzeria's number. The phone rings a few times until it clicks

‘’Dio's pizzeria how can i help you?’’ asks a lazy voice.

You give them your order and address and they tell you that the pizza should arrive in thirty minutes. Hanging up the phone you walk out of the kitchen, down the hallway into your room.

Your bedroom just like the rest of the apartment is decked out in the same monochromic colors , even your sheets and pillows match. Hanging on your wall are cute pictures of your college friends that you try to meet up at least once a week. Overall the room has a nice feeling to it but if the pictures weren't there no one could tell that this room belongs to you.

Putting the light on you stop in your tracks. Something is off, you cant really pin point what but it feels like someone was in your bedroom when you weren't home. Looking at the pictures on the wall you see that they're all intact and untouched. Walking towards the desk you carefully look at the papers and other items, wondering if you truly left your desk this disorganized.

With quiet steps you walk to the closet and take out your pajamas and scurry out of the room. ''What is this , final destination?' you mutter under your breath and enter the bathroom. Feeling like someone is watching you quickly undress and jump into the shower.

After serenading several songs you remember that the pizza should be arriving any minute you jump out of the shower and dry yourself with a fluffy towel you bought a few months ago. As you're wrapping the towel around your head you hear the doorbell ring so you walk out of the bathroom, take your purse out of the bag that you left in the hallway and open the door.

In front of you stands a boy that looks like he's in his early twenties. Tall, with honey dipped tan skin and Dark hair that reaches the tip of his chin. A face that's so flawless you're sure he was sculpted by god himself. Yet the longer you stare at him the more its off putting. Kind of like how the longer you look into the mirror the more grotesque you think the reflection has become. His eyes is what makes the alarm bells ring in your head. They're big and dark but soulless to the point where for a second you think a other worldly being stands in front of you.

‘’One prosciutto e funghi pizza for Y/n?’’ He asks his voice deep and you notice that his canines are unusually pointy.

‘’Thats me’’ you answer , take the pizza. As you're handing him the money, your finger tips graze the palm of his cold hand a electric shock goes through your body.

‘’Always be careful to not touch supernatural beings’’ a vague memory of an old woman flashes through your head and you quickly retract your hand, clutching it against your chest.

The delivery boy who stiffed up at the skin contact, hastily takes a step back, runs his fingers through his hair , acting nonchalant but his eyes are still wide. ''Have a nice day'' he says, his smile even more menacing than before and it sends a shiver up your spine.

You nod slowly, and he turns around and leaves. Your eyes following his back until he walks down the stairs and you cant see him anymore , before you walk back into your home and close the door. Walking into the living room you put the pizza on the small table by the couch and you sit down.

‘’Its just paranoia’’ you mutter, reach over and take a piece out of the carton. ''Is it though? you ask yourself while biting into the food. You're not sure why you even had such a flashback earlier and why your grandma was in it. As much as you know she's was an ordinary old sweet lady who loved spoiling her grandchild, though there is a big junk of your memory missing due to an incident that happened when you were a child.

Shaking your head you decide to worry about it when the time comes and try to enjoy the rest of the night.

‘’How could you do this to me?’’ the woman on tv cries and you scrunch your nose. The acting is horrible, similar to how the late eighties movie were, over dramatic with a lousy plot and weird sense of humor. Taking the remote control, you take a bite off the pizza and switch the channel.

⤑ ⤑ ⤑ ⤑

Annoyed Yoongi sits in the waiting room, tapping his fingers against his thigh rhythmically. He's only here because his advisor- Jimin basically blackmailed him to go to therapy, which in yoongi's eyes is ridiculous. As a matter of fact , Yoongi had rolled his eyes when jimin came up with the proposition. He doesn't need therapy he's perfectly fine but according to Jimin ,yoongi is brash, pompous and needs a ''reality'' check. Yoongi thinks jimin is only saying that because of the way he treats his employees. Sure he's a hard-to- please- boss and likes to nitpick at everything, he is satan after all but he has seen human's who were in his position treat their employees way worse than he does.

Yet here he is, sitting in the waiting room in a uncomfortable chair while starring at the white eggshell wall that's decorated with various framed pop art posters. The atmosphere heavy reminding yoongi of the dread of lost souls and he wants to smack his head against the wall. The tapping on his thigh speeds up , making the small thumping sound echo through the room and the man sitting opposite of yoongi shoots hime a glare. Before yoongi can retaliate the door opens and you step into the room.

‘’Min Yoongi?’’

Yoongi stand up and fixes his blazer and walks towards you.

The first thing you notice about the Yoongi is the suit he's wearing. The red is so bright it makes you want to gauge your eyes out, you cant fathom for the life of you why someone would wear that color but then again secretary Kim did tell you that the person on the phone was strange. The suit though fits his form quite and goes well with the white turtleneck that he's wearing underneath the blazer.

‘’That's me’’Yoongi replies, stretching out his hand.

‘’Y/n’’ you take his hand into yours and shake it briefly. The second thing you notice is how deep yet slightly nasal his voice is, which matches his image impeccably.

‘’Please follow me’’ you say and turn around to walk down the hallway with yoongi on your heel. Opening your office door you step aside and let him enter the room first. ‘’Would you like something to drink?’’ you ask walking over to the coffee machine standing on top of the gray table thats by the wall.

‘’Coffee, black’’ Yoongi curtly answers, while looking around the room before sitting down on the arm chair.

Yoongi feels uncomfortable. Theres this weird feeling in his gut that started the moment his skin touched yours and that feeling only got stronger when he walked into your office. Your office looks like any normal office would look, white walls also decorated with the same overrated pop art posters that every college student that majors in art surely has hanging in their room. Gray armchairs and a plant by your desk that looks like its five minutes away from dying. Yoongi isn't sure if the plant is supposed to be like that or if you're really just careless and if the latter is the case, does that mean you care about your clients the same way as that plant?

‘’Here’’ you speak up ripping yoongi out of his thoughts, putting the mug on the small table in front of him before taking a seat opposite of yoongi.

Yoongi was surprised earlier when you greeted him. He expected his therapist to be an older woman in her fifties who had a kind grandmother face and a soft voice. Instead he was met with you, who stood as if you were being pulled up by the roots of your hair, wearing black from head to toe with your hair pulled into a tight ponytail and oval glasses sitting on top of your nose. Which made you look more like the grim reaper instead of a professional who listens and helps people coping being alive. Even know as you're sitting in front of him, you're posture is straight as a wooden board which adds an air of elegance to your being but in yoongi's eyes you look prudish and stern.

‘’Tell me why you're here’’ you say looking up from your notebook where you wrote down todays date and his name.

Picking the cup up Yoongi takes a sip before sighing deeply ''i was forced to be here''

That doesn't surprise you, his whole body language and vibe screams that he doesn't want to be here at all and you're sure he's doing that on purpose. ‘’Forced? by who?’’

‘’By my advisor’’ Yoongi answers ‘’he thinks i have behavioral issues’’, he makes air quotes. ‘’Which is complete bullshit considering we work in hell and compared to the human bosses who are way more corrupted that we demons are i'm actually quite lenient’’

You stop writing on your notebook and blink at him multiples times. The fact that he even said that whole speech with a straight face makes you think you dissociated for a second. Raising your eyebrows slightly you continue to write.

calls workplace hell and refers to coworkers as demons. advisor sent him to counseling.

‘’I assume then that you haven't seen a therapist or counselor before?’’ you ask and cross your legs.

‘’correct’’ Yoongi sighs ‘’i'm going to be honest i'm not exactly expecting much from this i'm only here cause of my advisor who otherwise would get angry it wouldn't surprise me if he ratted me out to the angels’’

That the action of someone nonchalantly shrugging their shoulders could look so arrogantly never occurred to you until you met him. Nodding your head you continue to ask

‘’What do you see as being the biggest problem?’’

‘’Work’’ Yoongi answers so fast the words practically fly out of his mouth. ‘’Some would say its me but its the workers. We're not understaffed but the workers love lazying around and gossip. And hiring new people would take up too much time considering that they'd need training and honestly i don’t have the patience cause they're more likely to make mistakes and i hate mistakes. he stresses the word hate.

likes consistency ,seems very particular about surroundings.

‘’What exactly is your occupation?’’

‘’I thought you humans knew what we demons do’’ Yoongi states taking another sip of the coffee. ‘’Considering that mankind worship god and its ways, though the holy scriptures aren't accurate at all i mean they were written by humans , which by the way half of those people didn't even exist, and then translated into other languages over decades which means most of what was originally written is lost in translation.’’

If this were The Office this would be the scene where you'd blankly stare into the camera for a few seconds but it isn't so you just choose to stay quiet.

‘’But you know what's ridiculous?’’ Yoongi continues ‘’i got casted out , told that i will never return to heaven, which yeah was shitty but the real trauma is how when i fell i was immense pain cause my wings started to burn off and my wings were my pride you know. Just cause i didn't agree with their vision, and now i constantly have gods followers on my ass, acting like I'm the bad one when in actuality I'm just doing my job and its those unemployed demons that wreck havoc in the human world.’’

Refers to parental figure as god, meaning that person is the authorial person in the household. overall cites and talks about the bible, could mean the household is extremely religious.. Says angels are after him and the coworkers, possibly trying to tarnish the company's name. Has implied that he is satan, possible the black sheep of the family.

‘’I thought satan is responsible for all demons’’ you decide to humor him.

‘’Don't be silly human' Yoongi waves dismissively his hand ‘’that would make me a god, which i'm not. To be a god i'd need to have a lot more followers and willing sacrifices which i honestly don't have the time for cause you humans are dying at an alarming rate and we have to overwork ourselves.’’ He sends you a nasty glare you decide to ignore.

‘’What would be the solution?’’ you look up from your notes

‘’if they stop fucking misplacing the documents, pens and everything else. Theres a manual where it specifically states that if you put documents on my table it has to be on the right side four centimeters away from the left and three centimeters from the part of the desk thats the closest to you .’’ he rubs his temples with furrowed brows.

‘’Why those numbers specifically?’’

‘’because thats the most efficient way’’ Yoongi answers with a tone that makes you think you asked the world's dumbest question.

‘’They stress me out so much to the point where i feel like screaming every time i see their faces, sometimes i feel like they're doing this on purpose cause when my advisor orders them to do something they'll happily comply. im sure its because of his looks’’ he mutters the last part.

gets stressed out to the point of exhaustion if he doesn't have full control of his environment.

‘’What positive changes would you like to see happen in your life?’’

‘’this is going to sound crazy since i'm satan’’ Yoongi sighs deeply and stares at the dying plant behind you ''but i want things to be more peaceful and right now hell is in utter chaos, as i mentioned earlier a lot of demons are not working, not due that there aren't any jobs but because they still have that old mindset that their only mission in life is to kill humans. Don't get me wrong i could care less about you guys but its my company that has to overwork itself cause of it’’

You raise your eyebrows ‘’don't souls go to hell cause they used to be a sinner?’’

Yoongi scoffs and rolls his eyes ‘’ hell is just another word for the underworld. Souls come down to us to get judgment of their previous life and if they were a goodie two shoes they get sent to heaven by following the holy light that shines down when the gates open up. Though i am glad my advisor was able to negotiate with the angels to let them into heaven cause it was getting overcrowded down there and all the demons we sent up to bring the souls were brutally attacked by them’’

For someone who claims to hate humankind yoongi sure likes and takes his time to explain to you how hell really works. As if you're going to correct anyones assumptions about hell , which by the way you don’t believe that he's satan, there is no actual evidence that demons exist. So you decided a long time ago that you wont believe in such folklore.

You stare at the paper in your lap for a few seconds, raking your brain on what to write down of what he just told you, since you cant compare it to anything logical. The only explanation on why the ''angel's '' would attack yoongi's worker would be that he works in the shady field, you know, like being a drug lord or anything else that isn't accepted in society.

‘’you know’’ you speak up, deciding to document that last part later when you have time to think everything through. ‘’although you are not a god, you're still the most powerful demon in the underworld no?’’

‘’Not exactly, after i fell i became one of the ten kings of hell, mostly because i was the one who contributed the most when it came to establish the underworld. Though i am the one who makes the final decision hence why i get the most workload.’’

‘’hm’’ you hum ‘’it sounds like the reason why you're not being listened to is because you haven't clearly established the hierarchy in your environment’’

‘’I clearly have but they don't-’’

‘’Being the boss does not mean you scream or fuss at your subordinates, but that you reward them for their good work and fire them if it needs to be done’’ you give him an intense look. ‘’With you lashing out shows that you have time to be emotional which means theres time to dilly dally’’

‘’Their reward is a good paycheck’’ Yoongi counters clasping his hands ‘’there are no holidays for us because you humans die whenever its convenient and theres a special regiment that needs to be followed for the souls to either get reincarnated or go to heaven. And firing my workers is out of question’’

‘’Then what about proposing the idea to the others ,of making a trainee department where you recruit people who want or are desperate for money since you said the paycheck is hefty. It would benefit you in the way that , the trainee's can see what working in your department would be like and then decide if they want to stay or not, and if they stay your workload will sink significantly’’

Yoongi touches his lips for a few times, lost in his thoughts trying to process what you said before he snaps his fingers and points it at you. ‘’Human that is actually a very good idea, do you want to work for me?’’

A feeling similar to disgust washes over you with the way he said human, as if you're lower than him, lower than an insect even and your first instinct is to grimace. Instead you smile, squinting your eyes ever so slightly to give the illusion that the expression is real. ‘’No thank you i'm quite content with my job’’ you politely refuse.

‘’Thats a shame’’ Yoongi shrugs his shoulders ‘’you would fit into the underworld quite well’’

You're not sure if that is a compliment of it he's telling you that you're demonic. Either way you decide to ignore his statement and close the file in your lap. ‘’The session will end in five minutes , but before that i want to ask you, how do you feel now?’’

''Better'' Yoongi answers ‘’less stressed as when i walked in which surprises me , you're quite good i wouldn't mind the weekly sessions.’’

‘’Thank you’’ you answer ‘’do you have any questions?’’

‘’everything i tell you is confidential right?’’

‘’Yes, unless you've killed someone or are threatening general public i would have to report you but otherwise no one knows anything, even your advisor wont get told what happened in here’’ you reply.

‘’i wouldn't say that’’ Yoongi hums ‘’he has quite a way with words and is able to persuade anyone’’

‘’we'll have to see’’ you retort and take your planner from the small table ‘’is next week on thursday at four o'clock in the afternoon good for you?’’

‘’Yes’’ Yoongi answers as he's looking at the schedule on his phone.

‘’Good’’ you close the planner ‘’before you go i want you do this every time you feel like your anger and stress is getting to you, take deep breaths and slowly count to ten, that should help you calm down a little and think rationally, well talk on how effective it was next week then’’

Yoongi nods and you stand up, walks towards the door and open it. As you turn around to face him you see him standing just a few feet away from the couch starring out of the window, his brows furrowed and his lips tight. He turns around and walks towards you in long strides an hint of annoyance on his face.

‘’I'll see you next week then’’ you stretch out your hand ‘’if something should come up and you’re not able to come please do call and cancel a day before the appointment’’

''Alright '' Yoongi replies and takes your outstretched hand into his

When Yoongi's hand touch your skin your earlier suspicions are confirmed. His hand are icy cold to the point that it feels like your skin is burning at the mere contact. Which is worrying because the only time a human ever has a temperature that low is when they're dying of hypothermia yet the man in front of you looks like he has drank out of the fountain of youth.

He grips your hand tighter and says in a low voice ‘’be careful in the next few days’’

Not sure if he's warning or threatening you, you blankly stare at him before nodding silently and Yoongi lets go of your hand. Gives you one last glance before he walks out of the room and you close the door. Walking over to your desk you plump into the chair and sigh deeply, you have no idea what that so called warning is about, yet another part of your brain instantly goes to how you thought your apartment was broken in a few days ago. But how can Yoongi even know about that, considering the fact that you've just met an hour ago unless the whole thing about him being satan is actually true.

You shake your head, there is no way Yoongi is satan, sure he looks devilishly good despite the ugly red highlighter colored type of suit he was wearing and the black hair compliments his skin color impeccably. But you're also pretty sure the overlord would have more blood thirst and wouldn't be so merciful like yoongi ,who took his sweet time to explain details about hell to you. Almost coming off like that one kid at a slumber party who corrects the other kids when they state they had fun today , saying since its past twelve it technically ''tomorrow'' hence why they had ''fun yesterday''

Basically a kill joy.

Tapping the pen against the desk for a few times you snort out loud before putting the utensil down. Its out of question that demons and otherworldly beings are real, so for now in your eyes yoongi's using religion as metaphor for his own life.

Opening the laptop you wait for it to start up so that you can write about the session. After around twenty minutes of you trying to find the right words for the report without making it seem like you made the whole thing up ,you notice the time and shut off your laptop. Looking out of the window you notice that the sky is already dark and snowflakes are falling from the sky.

‘’I hope Christmas comes soon’’ you murmur with a small smile before turning around and taking your jacket from the chair. After wrapping the scarf around your neck and picking up your bag you walk towards the door, shut the light off and exit the room.

Christmas has a special place in your heart. Until you were fourteen you had never experienced Christmas, it was something you'd only see on tv and thats was rarely cause your mom almost never paid the electricity bill. And the only time you did was when you were seven, because your grandmother came and took you away from your delirious mother. Though you cant remember it because you had an accident that was severe enough to wipe out your memories of that entire winter.

After you started working as a waitress and the girls who worked there found out that you never celebrated the holiday they made it a tradition to throw a party after work. Everyone would bring food , cake and gifts and would just have a jolly time. And till to this day you continue on with that tradition.

‘’Im clocking out’’ You say as you arrive at the reception to just to find it empty. Confused you look around until you see secretary Kim coming out of the break room with a cup of coffee.

‘’See you on monday’’ he says in his soothing deep voice and holds the cup higher in salutations. You give him a bright smile and walk out of the praxis.

⤑ ⤑ ⤑ ⤑

The reason why you're standing in the middle of the grocery store is because you still haven't bought food. You don't even have an excuse for it, sure technically your'e now seen as an adult but your mind is still that of an nineteen year old college student who doesn't know what budgeting is. Its pure laziness, the mere thought of having to cook and then wash the pots and pans has you groaning for eternity. Hence why your basket is filled with food that can be cooked under fifteen minutes, such as ramen, bread ,cheese, all types of sweets and of course beer.

The convenient store is relatively empty, besides you there are two other people in it one which is the cashier. Mariya takeuchi's song plays in the background but its not the same melody as you remember it. Its funkier than usual which gives the whole store a weird vibe to it. Stores at night are generally a place where it seems like reality is altered. you know the same way how when you're at your friends house and wake up in the middle of the night and everything just seems like its from another dimension? exactly that.

Putting the last chocolate bar into your basket you walk towards where the cashier is located. The cashier is a tall girl who has turquoise blue hair and a mole underneath her left eye. Her whole demeanor is screaming that she's bored but she doesn't attempt to make small talk with you which is something you appreciate. After paying you bid her goodbye and walk out of the store only to bump into someone.

‘’oh shit sorry’’ you aplogize and take a step back. The person you notice, is a male with a black hoodie on, his eyes weirdly soulless as he glances at you not even bothering to give you a reply yet for unknown reasons the hairs on your neck raise and you get goosebumps. Scurrying across the parking lot you open your car door and put the bags into the passengers seat. A feeling of paranoia washes over you and you quickly get into the car.

‘’be careful- '' yoongi's voice rings in your ear and you shake your head.

‘’Im starting to loose my damn marbles’’ you murmur, set the gear into reverse and back out of your spot before driving out of the parking lot , towards home. no music is playing because you feel like if it was on you'd miss clues on if someone is following you, also you can concentrate better that way. Thankfully it doesn't take too long for you to arrive home and you park your car into the spot that was given to you by the landlord of the housing complex.

You tighten the scarf around your neck because the cold wind picks up. Heave your purse over your shoulder as you take the two bags full of food, close the door and lock it before walking up to the building your apartment is in. As you climb up the stairs you notice how the closer you get to your apartment the louder the thumping sound is.

Its your neighbors. Two boys who love to party constantly, which is really annoying even though they're always very polite to you and sometimes when the partying gets too much, they leave you a token of gratitude for not calling the police on them. Its not all that bad though a pair of ear plugs can solve the problem pretty quick and once you're asleep its like you're dead anyways, well unless someone enters your room thats when you wake up in 0000.3 seconds.

You unlock your apartment door and get inside, take off your shoes and walk into the kitchen. You set the bags on the counter, rip the post it note from the fridge and throw it into the garbage can. You leave one ramen on the counter while you put the food into the cupboard, take a small pot and fill it with water before turning on the stove and walk out the kitchen towards your bedroom.

Putting on the light you notice that your room actually looks untouched and your sigh relieved. You get out of your clothes, carelessly throwing the on the floor and put your pajama on, which of course are black. You tie your hair into a bun, take your phone and walk back into the living room. Put on the television and realize that the water should be boiling by now.

you smile slightly when you see the water is indeed boiling, kind of proud at how accurate your timing is but thats no feat for someone who cooks ramen constantly. Literally after ten minutes the food is cooked and you put water into the pan to ‘’let it soak’’ knowing well that you’re using that an excuse to just not have to wash it now. Taking the bowl you walk over to the living room where you sit on the couch and watch the variety show thats playing on tv.

Chuckling at the funny reactions of the idols you put the now empty bowl on the small table in front of you and lay down on the couch, your hand underneath the pillow. This position , combined with your full stomach and the temperature of the living room has you growing tired and its just takes a few seconds before you fall asleep.

⤑ ⤑ ⤑ ⤑

The loud banging on the door wakes you up and alarmed you jump up from the couch. Looking at the clock you see that its eight in the morning and grumble ‘’Who the hell has the nerve to disturb me at ass o clock on a saturday morning somebody better be dying’’

You walk up to the door , open it and see two police officers , whose annoyed expression disappears , in front of you.

‘’ yes?’’ you ask

‘’ma’am we’d like to question you on where you were yesterday when the murder happened next door‘’

#bts x reader #kkreationsnet #kpopwritingnet #bangtanbuds #prettyboysnetwork #kpop x reader #bts scenario #bts scenarios #min yoongi x reader #kim namjoon x reader #kim taehyung x reader #kim seokjin x reader #jungkook x reader #jung hoseok x reader #park jimin x reader #demon au

555 notes · View notes

pokemonmastersean · 6 years

Text

Anxiety, Depression and My Life

I don't expect people to read this, I don't expect people to see me differently and I don't expect to change but recently I’ve had a lot in my head and I just need to get it all out of my head... If you do read this then well you'll know a lot about me and well how you see me is how you will.

When I started middle school I started to figure out who I was, in 6th grade I just was an annoying little kid with a buzzed hair cut being awkward like any middle schooler. Once 7th grade began I started to become comfortable with the idea of who I truly was and I thought I had a group of close enough friends ti be able to finally tell then who I really was and what I felt. When I came out to my friend within hours my phone started blowing up because everyone started finding out as well, some good and some bad. When I started seeing all the hate I began self harming. I remember clearly that I had this purple jacket (which was my favorite because I love the color purple) and underneath the sleeves my wrists were slit in every direction, bright red from all the fresh cuts and dark red with the previous ones starting to heal. That year I found out who my true friends were and I began making the close group of friends that I have today. When I went to school people wanted to fight me and I wanted to fight them also because I didn't want to be afraid of who I truly was. When I decided to come out to my parents they didn't really take it the best of ways.. I just remember my mom yelling at me and slapping me multiple times crying, I remember my dad looking at me in such disgust and the moment my mom walked away he grabbed me by my neck and started choking me against the wall, to this day if my little brother didn't come downstairs crying I believe that I wouldn't be here.. I remember running up to my room in such fear as I fell to my bed and thinking of how nice it would have been to die.. to hang myself and just not be there anymore.

Once 8th grade started all my close group of friends that I had moved to the new middle school and I basically had to start over which was good and bad. People still hated me and I didn't truly care cause at the time I started to hate myself also. Later that year (around easter time) my older cousin saw that I had been self harming myself and told my aunt, which informed my parents. Their response to me doing that was that I was “looking for attention” and decided that the best thing to do was ground me instead of wanting to talk about it, which didn't make matters any better..

9th grade began and I was starting to feel a little better, I was thinking that a new school could possibly help and I could start being myself more.. within the second month of school starting I lost my friend Amanda through suicide... a week later my friend Adrian did the same. When I found out I started walking around school numb and just went and left. A couple of weeks had passed from their passing and my mom pulls me out of class bawling her eyes out (thinking to myself that someone had passed away) I asked her if she was ok and I got no response, instead she drove me home where I noticed my dad was also there. Thinking that someone had died we walking into the kitchen where they sat me down and started questioning me on my friends and that I needed to stop hanging out with them cause they were a bad influence. Later I find out that my step cousin told his mom that I was going to kill myself so that was why my mom pulled me out of class. I was sitting in my kitchen being yelled at saying that I was hurting my parents when not once did they ask how I was taking the passing of my friends. Later the next day I went to school and I vividly remember my friend Karla pulling me to the side and asking if I was ok cause she was having dreams of me, and that I was hanging myself (little did she know I was having dreams like that also) but I had told her I was fine and continue walking to my class.

My sophomore year was just an uneventful time and it was ok until my anxiety started coming into my life. Having my anxiety I got nervous around anything that was new to me and it made my constantly throw up blood. I would go a day or two without eating cause I was constantly anxious about what could happen next.. at this point in time I was with my close group of friends so they helped and understood but I felt like complete shit cause I couldn't even go out to eat with them cause if I did id get sick and throw everything up. I started losing weight and I realized that I wasn't healthy anymore and thats how I was going to stay.

Junior year started off the same as Sophomore and I respected that. the self harming was slowly going to away but once and awhile I’d relapse and start scratching myself until I would bleed. Around valentines that year two of my friends (one that I knew since elementary school and the other since middle school) went off campus and didn't return. They got in a wreck and one of them passed away on site and the other was rushed to the hospital with major brain damage. That day I walked home numb, I remember calling my mom telling her that I didn't want to go to SAT prep and when she asked why I just broke down in my back yard.. About a week later Gina (who had brain damage) passed away at the hospital and it was just killer. I finished that year by having to make up 42 hours of school cause I just decided to stop going.. I wan’t feeling it anymore.

My senior year went my by fast and I was glad that it did, I went to class and I left, I stayed to my close group of friends and left it at that.

Once I started college I met this guy and things were actually looking up for once, I was extremely happy and though that he could actually be the one (little did I know that that wasn't the case) We got together and my anxiety continued to the point where he didn't want to go eat out with me publicly cause he was embarrassed (but I knew everyone was honestly). We continued to date and one day my parents were mad that I was hanging out with him a lot and they mad ehe make the decision of living with them or to be an adult so I packed my things and I wanted to leave. When my parents saw my stuff they didn't take it the right way and my dad wanted to fight. He punched my and my mom hit me again, I tried getting my things and they pushed me down the stares. Once my ex (boyfriend at the time) was at my house to help me get my things and move in with him he had to call the cops on my parents cause they weren’t letting me leave... its shitty having to be escorted by cops to your room to get your things while your parents are trying to fight you. Knowing that it was a hard decision to make, I got my things and left, I didn't talk to my parents for a couple of months and eventually they reached out to me and wanted to see me. When I went to go see them they just wanted to fight, every time and I absolutely hated it. I remember going back to my ex’s crying cause they would say so much and wouldn't let me leave. A few months had passed since we started living to together and things were great (well I thought) around Thanksgiving he began hanging out with his coworker quite frequently and didn't want to do anything with me anymore. Later that year (the day before Valentines) I found out that he was cheating on me with his coworker for the past few months (go figure) I had told him that that was what I was thinking and he continued to turn it on me, saying that I was crazy and that I needed help... Between November and February of that year I remember crying my eyes out so much cause of how he mad ehe seem that I was insane and that I needed all this help that I was jealous and all this shit when in the end I was right. (Want to know something funny?) He texted me a few months later asking if I wanted to marry him and that he missed me... No

Later that year I hung out with this guy not expecting anything to happen and not wanting anything to happen but, did that stop him? No it didn't, and I started having thought of self harming again cause I wanted to forget what had he had done.

Eventually I started to black out things from my mind to try and help my situations with how I fell... I mean if I can’t remember it maybe I won't feel? Well I was wrong..

At the end of my relationship I started drinking constantly to just not remember a thing.. I would drink 6-7 nights a week and just drink. I was out every night just drinking my life away and I was happy sue I didn’t feel anything and thats what I wanted.

Recently this year I lost another friend in an accident this past January and three more since then. I started losing myself again and I decided to drop out of college.. I stopped attending classes and just stopped caring about school cause truthfully I don't believe that I will be here long (and I’m ok with that)

Currently I’ve been going to the gym everyday cause the nights I don't I stay up late trying to not cry. I go running to get my mind off of the things in my life and that has helped. I have this image in my mind of how I want to look, I saw how I did before and it makes me sick, I want to be covered in tattoos to hit my skin and I want to have muscle so it seems that I’m strong. Maybe I am strong, having thought of ending it for 8 years should count fro something right?...

I’m trying to get better, my depression still hits me daily, I can be perfectly fine one minute and the next I’m holding back tears. That is me.. and this is who I’ll always be. I’m broken and at this point in time I’m ok with that.. no one will truly know my story and I don’t expect people to but I am me and that isn’t going to change.

Goodnight

4 notes · View notes

buzzmemes · 4 years

Text

Best Memes of February 2020: Get ready for fun

Best Memes of February 2020

We have compiled for you the best memes made in February 2020 It's 2020 and there's no deficiency of memes clearing the web. It doesn't take well before the most up to date memes are moving image sweethearts to make their own amusing adaptations and flooding internet based life nourishes wherever with them.

I feel this

Where the Newest Memes Come From

You can depend on a significant number of the most up to date memes to originate from huge occasions or patterns in amusement, sports, style, governmental issues, news and other general subjects of intrigue. For example, you ought to have the option to detect a ton of the accompanying memes from well known TV appears, Hollywood tattle, unscripted television, broadcast sports games and even mechanical advancements. An ancient format

Wtf how could I even forget Ben Swolo was a thing

How Are the Newest Memes Being Used in February 2020?

The most up to date memes are being utilized similarly as they generally have — via web-based networking media as tweets, pictures, GIFs, and short recordings. Whether you're reblogging an image on Tumblr or utilizing an image as an amusing response picture to a hypothetical circumstance portrayed in a Twitter tweet, there's basically no incorrect method to utilize an image in fubruary 2020 as long as you will probably be clever (and not offensive). To speed you up, we've compiled the best and funniest memes we've seen in 2020. These memes are the most liked memes from reddit, instagram, facebook and twitter. languages in a nutshell : Memes

Chinese Writing: We're talking about THIS Chinese Speaking: Squidward playing the clarinet Poor yoda : Memes

Kill myself I must,annoying luke is Advertising done right : Memes

it’s antibacterial itachi Americans when they wake up: angry noises : Memes

You underestimate the power of people with really bad sleep schedules. Big brain : Memes

The bridge contains metal. I don't want me or my kids any part of it! Water is H2O and much healthier! Ayy sexy lady : Memes

and then, just like a storm, it passed It's honest work : Memes

In Assassin's Creed II I restarted a whole sequence in Venice because I didn't press shift to hug Leonardo. He looked so dissapointed and sad. :( How companies think we see prices : Memes

$15 + $5 shipping? No thanks! $20 and free shipping? Hell yes! We are always watching : Memes

And we are mostly lurkers. Truly the superior studio : Memes

Kronk would like to have a word. I’m proud of that dude : Memes

I wish i could work for him. Maybe he wouldn't be a dick head boss when i fuck up. A pro gamer move : Memes

Whether we wanted it or not.... Like postman, like son : Memes

Who know maybe his mom is a fucking Amazon warrior princess Porn is a curse : Memes

An old friend of mine is a porn star. She started getting ‘milf’ roles in her mid-20s. Then again, maybe that’s a british thing? That really hurts : Memes

I don't care what universe your from,thats gotta hurt. I mean, she’s just kind of roasting herself by saying attractive people aren’t attracted to her, right? Like what does that say about her? Victory screech : Memes

My parents were so confused by that lmao. They whipped their heads around to look at me and were like, ", why did she do that???" It really do be that way : Memes

Damn Rowan Atkinson is hot Not just hot, he's burning All Ya had to do was follow the damn train mr bean "im gonna save you 20 minutes of ranting" : Memes

Me: The grades in American high school include 9th, 11th, 12th, et cetera Always gotta leave one out in case people ask for more examples Then you go, "well there are certainly too many more for a comprehensive list, but one major example is 10th grade" and then introduce some kind of non sequitur: "but in reality, undergraduate college grades are what we should be talking about" in the hopes they won't press you any further about high school grades. Most of the jobs I land have this problem : Memes

Anyone else rather have 2? It seems to come with a Doge! Less maintenance on #2. Guaranteed. More sedimental value on #2 Hmmm lots of rock value Just keeps getting better : Memes

Sounds like you got yourself a sugar mamma Sally Mae? Me too brother Good job 👍 : Memes

YES, I was playing Pokemon whilst browsing reddit, and a shiny Sobble came out the egg as soon as I went onto your post, ironic lol congrats on your shiny :) Thank you:) Did you capture it? Yep Show me a better hero : Memes

man, imagine the pressure for her to not do shitty in school now At least she gets to go there Going to college, but not being able to finish can sometimes make someone worse off than if they'd never gone to college at all. Paying for education is the deadliest trap card.............. Only in certain countries... nostalgic : Memes

I do that too. I just have 300 or so songs I hunted down from 2014 to now, and just cycle them. Hey, I've seen you on brawlstars Exposed Why tf did I get downvoted???? At this point, Reddit is just Russian roulette. It's actually called karma roulette I think. There’s a sub for that called karmaroulette And what is happening there? People get their posts upvoted or downvoted Any post because it seems there are only memes. If I post a picture of the floor for example could I get upvoted? Gym Leader : Memes

Nah man. That’s the human version of a Minecraft grass block. is your name a starcraft reference? Yes Because that's what hero's do. That's the untoxic clean supportive community of reddit “I wasn’t even trying to win dude, here’s your gym badge tho” that's not a gym leader that's zygarde in human form "Zygarde used Bad Guy! Super effective!" That’s gotta hurt : Memes

That's what happens when you fish for compliments in shark infested waters Exactly. Dude had it coming for that obvious shit. When a chick be complaining about her looks in my presence and I can tell she wants me to be like,"no you look great" 😒 That's when you respond with "oh, sucks to suck I guess" Definitely wont get you laid, but she'll stop telling you how ugly she finds herself If a girl asks you If she looks fat say ‘you’re not fat. You’re just easy to see’. I mean, say it from the other side of the room, preferably with an obstacle to duck behind for when she starts throwing things at you. i require haha and coom : Memes

Wait so people actually use this as a social media platform? No means no : Memes

"Here wear this jacket. Go hug that soldier" "Lets burn some books!" “I’m massively into swastikas” "You mean you're hindu" "No, just into swastikas" Reading between the lines : Memes

It’s funny cause when I saw diplo, he did in fact throw down hard but he wouldn’t shut up through out the set and I just wanted to headbang without a dry cracky voice booming “How we feelin tonight?” Over and over Read the full article

#Memes #Funnymemes #dankmemes #animememes #historymemes

0 notes

b00bstone · 7 years

Note

All the even numbers!

thats a lot. and 72 was repeated twice but i had to renumber them since i copied and pasted adn forgot it was repeated. but anyway.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

mostly shy i think but i can be outgoing if im comfortable.

4 Are you easy to get along with?

not really. i can be quite moody. and i unfortunately have a short temper (which im trying to work on) and im depressed adn suicidal so i think the answer is no.

6 What kind of people are you attracted to?

smart funny ones.

8Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

my friend the nerd because i was talking to them and my friend rabbit earlier.

10Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

probs my therapist since we talked just earlier today.

12What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

1.awkward by hailey knox

2 beautiful girl by sara barielles

3. plot twist by sigrid

4 waving through a window from dear evan hansen

and 5. dissapear also from dear evan hansen.

14Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yeah but my luck is shitty and miracles happen to other people. so basically yes but not for me lmao

16Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yeah. if she were down. but like shes really straight. so i doubt she would be.

18Do you still talk to your first crush?

occasionally. hes a dick now tho. fraternity guy. and voted for trump.

20Do you like your neighbors?

well the ones i know are pretty cool.

22Where would you like to travel?

narnia. one of those planets they discovered that are super far away but similar to earth. but like on this planet? probs travel around europe.

24Favorite part of your daily routine?

going to bed.

26What do you do when you wake up?

lie there and try to go back to sleep.

28Who are you most comfortable around?

probs my friend rabbit.

30Do you ever want to get married?

one day yeah. but only if i find the right person u know.

32Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

oohhhh ummm hmmm. chris pratt. aubrey plaza and john boyega. i feel like aubrey would bring a sarcastic element which would help with the pressure and nervousness and john and chris. well u can just see in their eyes that theyre really gentle people that will treat u right.

34do you play sports? What sports?

hahaha no. ive always wanted to dance and/or be on a swimteam. but my lungs hate me

36Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

i think ive only told like 1 or 2 people that ive liked that i liked them. and ive liked a lot of people so yes. i have hidden that i liked someone before. many many times.

38Describe your dream girl/guy?

theyre taller than me. i dunno why but ive always liked wavy/curly hair. not blonde. or brunette. so that leaves unnatural hair color or black or red. good bone structure. theyre really smart. like they know lots of stuff academically but theyre also just generally smart u know. and they know lots of lil random facts about random things. really nice. but not in like a sugar nice way but more like sun beams when it feels like theyre warming u from the inside kinda nice. kind eyes. color doesnt really matter since i keep changing my mind. strong. but not necessarily muscular. i want them to be able to pick me up and twirl me around but not like theyve got a sixpack or anything. sixpacks are kinda weird looking tbh. wed have to have most of the same values. not too talkative but not like ALWAYS quiet. theyd prefer staying in most weekend and watchng shows but dont mind the occassional night out. theyd like the beach. because what kind of crazy person doesnt like the beach (people that dont beach right thats who). theyd also like biking and hiking and swimming. very much an animal person. not lazy. good listener. intuitive. would understand that some days i just cant fucking stand physical touch. and others i crave it in a way ive never craved anything before. and other days its kinda meh whatever. people that take interest in what im interested in because im interested in it. and whose interests are cool. because i love to take interest in things my friends are interested in but sometimes its so boring. nothing particular comes to mind. but im sure its happened. someone who doesnt check up on me when im crying. because tbh i hate it when people do that. unless its through texting or a phone call. but like people in person asking “are u ok?” while im sobbing my eyes out? fuck no go away. someone who understands that im really fucking bad with words. and sometimes me trying to say something will take a while and it may not make sense. theyd be patient. they wouldnt mock me. or be manipulative. and i think this list is long enough.

40What do you want to do after high school?

travel the world and end up famous, but not like papparazzi following me famous. famous like i appear on snl every once in a while and drop bangers or rad filsm or whatever i do and thats all. what will i probs end up doing? crying a lot and going to community college. and applying to as many colleges as i have the energy to.

42If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

it might mean im busy. or just listening. or really pissed off. or upset. or just have nothing to say.

44Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space.

46What are you paranoid about?

everything

48Have you ever been drunk?

not yet. but sometimes i want to be

50What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

blue i think?

52 One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

everything. but like one specific thing? id like to get rid of my depression, fears, and this brain fog that haunts me

.54 Favourite store?

trader joes or target

56Favourite color?

yellow

58 Last thing you ate?

well rn im eating plain potato chips and mayo (please dont judge me. i know its disgusting)

60Ever won a competition? For what?

i used to do mma i won like one or two of those. i also run a riding competition once.

62Been arrested? For what?

not yet. but im sure one day i will be.

64tell us the story of your first kiss?

we were in her parents bathroom and were 7. thats all i remember. havent kissed anyone since. which isnt for lack of wanting to.

68Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

i dont really have any tumblr friends that arent my real friends yet? so like i cant answer that.

70 Twitter or Tumblr?

well i spend all my time here and not on twitter so lets go with tumblr. altho i do have a twitter im never on

72Names of your best friends?

adi, heather, rabecca, joaquin, celestine.

74What colour are your towels?

blue, red and white. and theres some hawaiin print ones and a yellow one.

76How many pillows do you sleep with?

3...

78How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

like 40? dont judge. i kept asking as a kid and my parents kept giving them to me for christmas and my birthday. they should have stopped.

80What colour is your underwear?

rn its grey. but its not the only color i have

82Favourite ice cream flavor?

fuck. ummmmm coffee?

84What colour pants?

rn theyre black. but on the front of the thighs they have zebra striping.

86Favourite movie?

thats not an easy question to answer. im gonna say bringing up baby just because.

90Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

both? i mean i prefer mean girls a lil more bu 21 jumpstreet isnt bad either

92 Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

dory. we are both scatterbrained.

94Last person you talked to today?

adi. but like in person? rabbit and the nerd.

96Name a person you love?

celestine. (not romantically)

98In a fight with someone?

not as far as i know. but i always kinda feel like im in a fight with monkey.

100How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

like 4? i know i know i dont have very many.

102Favourite actress?

aubrey plaza.

104Do you tan a lot?

nope. i try at least once every summer. but my skin either stays as pale as snow or i burn really bad then my skin shift to a slightly more offwhite shade of snow.

106. How are you feeling?

blergh. potato chips and mayo are really gross. and im tired and sick of people telling me shit.

108Do you regret anything from your past?

i regret everything ive ever done.

110Do you miss anyone from your past?

well there is this one guy i used to talk to but i miss the attention and not him so that doesnt count. i kinda miss a friend of mine named shannon from elementary school sunday school

112Ever broken someone’s heart?

i dont think so.

114What should you be doing?

school. but ive given up on that. so.

.116 Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

oh yeah. ive liked 2 peoplethat much. altho i barely knew the first person and it was more me projecting my ideals of the prefect person onto them.

118Who was the last person you cried in front of?

probs my therapist.

120Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah. i was just in virginia last week. i live in california so id say thats definitely out of state.

122Are you listening to music right now?

nope.

124Do you like Chinese food?

americanized or traditional? americanized: yessss that shit i shte bomb. traditional? i dont know ive never had it.

126Are you afraid of the dark?

yes. very. i need a light source or i start to panic.

.128 Is cheating ever okay?

like on a partner or on a test or something? on a partner? no way. u should never do that. like thatll really fuck them up and make them mistrustful for the rest of their life. on a test? if its necessary sure go for it. i dont care. im not ur teacher.

130Do you believe in love at first sight?

yeah. but its not something thatll ever happen to me lmao.

132. Are you currently bored?

im always bored.

134 Would you change your name?

last name? yes 100% absolutely. first name? maybe.

136Do you like subway?

like the sandwich shop? fuck no! the first time i ate it i threw up. the second time was ok. and thei third time i got serious stomach cramps afterwards. it was these awful sharp shooting pains all through my stomach.

138Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

probs my therapist.

140Can you count to one million?

theoretically? yes. but will i? no

142Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed! my closet freaks me out but the office across from my bedroom freaks me out more. and also like i dont want cats walking on my face. or to wake up at 7 am and find that my dog has taken up the very middle of the bed.

144Curly or Straight hair?

rn? mostly straight. but when it gets longer it kinda curls a lil.

146Summer or Winter?

yes. i like both. dont make me choose.

148 Favourite month?

july. thats when im born so it has to be my fav.

150Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

152Was today a good day?

no.

154What’s your favourite quote?

in the beginning the universe was created a lot of people regard t as a bad move. and i messed that quote up. but yeah.

156Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

the terms braided and woven refer to the structure of the elastic.

1 note · View note

avasilvugh · 7 years

Note

TELL ME! I always love your thoughts!

BLESS U

so the all the kids love their moms a Whole Heck of a Lot right and obviously kara and lena love their kiddos more than words can describe and its not that there’s any favoritism?? at all, like none, its just that stella is sort of naturally closer to lena?? in the same way that finn and maia are sort of naturally closer to kara, like there’s a certain sort of distance created when you’re a kid and you physically can’t Be a certain way around one of your parents

so there’s not distance per se but just....things that kara can do with finn and maia that she cant do with stella and things that lena can do with stella that she cant do with finn and maia

and its not a Thing but then it sort of becomes a Thing ?? not so much for finn and maia bc lena and kara have gotten creative in making sure that lena’s always been able to be as involved in their lives as kara

but heres the deal: maia and finn have kara’s powers and kara trains them. that’s cool, thats fine, stella gets why she does; kara takes them to the deo with her a lot and they punch cars together (especially maia, she’s got a Lot of Rage to work through) and they go flying and kara helps them practice control over their powers and stella can’t help but feel a little left out?? bc for the most part, because her siblings are in control of their powers, they have the option to do everything she can with lena but stella doesnt have the same option with kara

and she hides it rlly well! she does! bc its not kara’s fault and its not finn and maia’s fault, its just how they are, and stella decides it has to be her fault which in turn feeds into the dark thoughts she already has bc, you know, empath that acts as an emotional sponge for the world

kara and lena both notice little stella withdrawing, kara notices its more around her than lena and is like..heartbroken. just fucking devastated bc holy shit what did she do how did this happen she fucked up she fucked up and lena tries to comfort her but she’s p worried too like fuck whats going on

and it doesnt help that stella can literally feel everything that they feel??? so she just shoves her feelings down even more and bounces back and then it boils over and this one in her class says her brother said that her brother is a word that makes stella shake with anger and she just hauls off and punches the girl

lena’s usually the parent the school calls first but she’s in opal city for a conference so lena calls kara, then the school calls kara and she’s in the middle of an interview and she let lena go to voicemail bc if its urgent she’ll call back but then she’s like “crap, it’s my daughter’s school” and her subject (idk wonder woman or smth) is like “omg no don’t worry, family first” and is super understanding when kara bolts

and like.......she would have expected this from maia, maybe (maia, who still takes the supplement that suppresses her powers bc she doesnt trust herself not to, maia, who gets so numb she just sometimes hits stuff just to feel something) but not stella?? not tiny little stella that used to sob when she accidentally pulled lena’s hair as a toddler or completely forgot kara had superstrength and would apply bandaid after bandaid when she bumped her elbow on the table

so she gets to the school and stella’s just Not Talking, in full shut down like she gets when she gets fried from the world (its sort of sensory overload?? thats the best way to describe it) and she shies away when kara reaches for her, tries to tip her face up to get a better look at the black eye she’s got forming

pls note that stella’s maybe eleven and still Small and she looks even tinier to kara now, looks more like the baby she pulled out of an abandoned car on the pier, and kara’s heart twists and twists at the way stella wont look at her

so she lays her phone on the chair next to stella and marches into the principals office and, while she agrees that stella shouldnt have resorted to violence, she also fully trusts and believes that her daughter wouldnt do anything without reason and she just verbally eviscerates the other mom, who tries to make it out like her daughter hasnt been harassing stella for years or anything (bc kara fucking commits every name to memory, every person that has ever hurt her kids, remembers their names what they said or did and she seethes bc she cant ?? fix all their problems for them???)

and when she marches back out, stella’s playing candy crush and has managed to escape with only suspension for the rest of the day and she still wont look at kara but she grabs onto kara’s hand with surprising force and kara’s like Okay, everything is going to be Okay

eventually stella says it, not to kara, but to alex bc she cant face her mom, either of her moms, with this, not when she’ll feel everything kara feels and she cant handle how it’ll hurt her to know that stella feels so angry and so useless, feels like she cant keep up with kara so she doesnt feel like she should even try, like she doesnt deserve to be kara zor-el’s daughter

so alex asks if she cant tell this to kara and stella sort of sobs out a please and alex is a lot better at compartmentalizing, which is a skill stella appreciates bc it means all she can feel is alex’s love for her, kindness, warmth, not the way alex’s heart is breaking for her youngest niece

so alex tells kara and kara is fucking devastated like holy shit how did she not see this and alex and lena both are like hey its okay, she buries her feelings, thats part of her powers and lena’s like i didnt see it either but none of it helps bc kara’s like i failed her, i failed my kid

stella usually carpools w/ her best friend home or to lena’s office after school but kara all but demands an afternoon off, storming into snapper’s office and throwing him for like.....several loops with the way she basically tells him she’s taking this thursday and every thursday hereafter off. and she calls ari’s mom to tell her that she’s picking up stella and she’s the first car at pick up and she picked up stella’s favorite drink from starbucks on her way over and her heart sort of twists a little at the obvious surprise on stella’s face to see her but she works extra hard to box that up and it must be working because stella’s stormy expression has already cleared a bit by the time she makes it to the car

when they pull up to the deo, stella figures that it must be time for her like biannual brain scans, to see how she’s matching up with other telepathic aliens bc they still dont know that much abt her species, but then kara’s guiding her down a different hallway, still just chatting with her abt her day and stuff like that

they walk into one of the Many training rooms and stella’s like ????? and kara tosses her a gym bag from a locker that stella notices has her name on it and is like i know it’s really hard to not be able to do what your brother and sister can and i am so sorry that i never saw how much you’re struggling. and i know its not fair that you dont get to punch cars with us, but you can punch this punching bag and talk to me and stella’s sort of overwhelmed?? but in a good way for once

so thats how they start spending thursday afternoons. kara has alex teach stella proper form after that first day and then they figure out a routine—kara greets stella with a snack afterschool and they head to the deo and dont talk about the heavy stuff until after stella’s changed, after kara’s wrapped stella’s hands, until stella’s gotten a few good punches in, kara steadying the bag. then it all starts coming out, all the terrible thoughts stella has, all the horrible things she feels that arent even her feelings to begin with, all these awful orphaned emotions that she takes on without meaning to

the system works rlly well bc stellas too wrapped up in her own head, in her words and in making sure she’s in the proper stance, throwing her weight the right way to notice anything kara’s thinking or feeling which is good bc she’s a kid and she shouldnt be worried about her mom’s stuff, she should just feel safe enough to let kara carry some of the burden

THIS GOT RLLY LONG AND I HAVE MORE SO ITS UNDER THE CUT SRY

IM GOING TO SCREAM ABT THE DYNAMIC BTWN THE KIDDOS FOR A MINUTE OKAY

finn is the Ultimate big brother but he is So Soft oh my god. like?? he Will Not hurt anyone, he refuses to but the absolute second it looks like someone’s fucking with his sisters he makes it seem like he is absolutely willing to hurt someone. he’s only hit someone once, and that’s this one guy that was pulling shit with stella he shouldnt have been (stella was visiting finn at college and definitely wasnt supposed to be at the omega phi party but well u kno how dumb teenagers can be) and finn punched him once, with nowhere near his full strength and the asshole cried and finn only felt a little bad

but ! for the most part he’s not the beat ppl up for my sisters kind of brother, he’s the do you wanna talk about it brother, the you’re on your period so i ran over to the corner store and got those stick on heat packs you like and also three pints of ben and jerrys brother, the your date bailed and youre crying in your room and think i cant hear it so i cancelled my plans and now we’re going to have a movie night on the couch, mama ordered chinese food brother

he’s the one that follows maia and cleans up the mess she’s made but only after he’s wrapped her up in the tightest hug he thinks she’ll tolerate and promised not to tell moms anything. he’s the one that helps her keep a lid on it most days, appearing from a classroom and pulling her into it when it looks like she’s about to rip a locker door off its hinges. the one that intervenes with teachers on her behalf after she blows up in class, smoothes things over so their moms dont have to get involved or ever know about it

he’s the one that acts as a buffer for stella a lot of the time, especially when they’re very little. he keeps by her side when she’s very small, still unsteady on her feet and that’s their holding pattern, her stumbling and him right beside her and offering her his hand. he’s the one that acts as a go between for her when the world overwhelms her and, ranking just below their moms, is one of her favorite people and one of her Certified Safe Places. the list is a small one (basically consisting of lena, kara, finn, alex, maggie, eliza, and j’onn), it’s v prestigious in his opinion

sweet child of mine, i could wax poetic abt how soft and gentle finn is with his sisters and his mothers and the world in general

MAIA IS SUCH A FIRE STARTER OH MY GOD i love her i love her so much but she is destructive as hell. like the best way to describe it is this—u know how soft finn is? he’s kara danvers. maia? kara zor-el when angered. she screams and she rages and she’s a hurricane and she breaks things and burns things but she is so fucking careful with the people she loves and even though she loves flying, she loves not worrying about hurting them more so she keeps her powers suppressed for like.....basically from birth to when she’s about twenty or so and she’s a mess but she’s a mess you call when you’re in a fight in a denny’s parking lot and you know she’ll show up even though it’s 2am and you started the fight

and she loves her family so so much?? so much it hurts??? and she’s not good with feelings like finn and can’t read ppl like stella so she doesn’t know what to do with the way she feels most of the time so she beats ppl up for her siblings without them even having to ask

she finds finn locked in the girls bathroom once and doesnt even say a fucking word, she just storms into the boys locker room and starts threatening ppl until they point her to the ringleader and he well he never messes with finn ever again and quite honestly flinches whenever maia danvers walks into a room

stella gets called a freak? technically maia doesn’t beat the kid up that said it, bc he’s like twelve, but she still intimidates the hell out of him. in college, stella comes out and like most ppl r cool w/ it but this one dude in her freshmen seminar calls her a dyke and stella doesnt even necessarily tell maia, but she’s in the city and has brunch with her the next day and can fucking see it in her face and so she does beat him up

most ppl at school dont realize their mom is Lena Luthor bc she’s mostly known as mrs danvers or maia/finn/stella’s mom/other mom and she rlly looks v different when she’s at the school or at a recital or performance or game, usually in casual clothes with her hair down and sunglasses on, so no one ever rlly puts it together but once maia heard these kids saying that any luthor still standing is a threat, you know? and she sort of destroys them

i mean, to be clear, they r alive

they also dont ever say the name luthor within their high school ever again

when she gets older, she sort of mellows out thanks to age and maturity and also a fuck ton of therapy but she still verbally destroys ppl and is that person that’s always like they’re not treating you right? leave their ass

and stella oh little stella

she’s like very much the baby of the family, like there’s abt five years btwn her and finn and three btwn her and maia and she idolizes her siblings even if she’ll never voice it

she is also a giant brat sometimes like she mercilessly blackmails them for rides and party invites and whatever else she wants (obviously not mercilessly, never about the big stuff, never about anything real) and they know she’d never follow through on her threats but they give her whatever it is she wants anyway bc that’s sort of part of the game they play, you know?

she also takes like.....a lot of care for them. like as much as they protect her, she protects them. she’s usually the first line of defense when things get shitty, bc she feels it?? and is sort of forced into noticing first. when finn starts getting nightmares, it’s stella that clambers into his bed and starts telling him stories. she’s the first to get a Bad Vibe from maia’s bf and she fucking acts on it, tells their moms. she knows when her siblings are happy and she cheers them on so fucking loudly and she knows when theyre hurting and she’s the first to bring them kleenex and snacks

#kara danvers #lena luthor #im yelling this got so long oh my god #supergirl #supercorp #superbabies #thats it thats my tag for this series #tinytoffeebean #human interaction

73 notes · View notes

flipomatic · 7 years

Text

Sticky Notes

Chapter 1: First Contact

Summary: Eli scrutinized the room carefully, and paused when she reached the mirror. It felt like her heart skipped a beat at the realization. A purple note in the shape of a heart sat where the blue note had been before. Eli didn’t recognize the handwriting. It read: thats ok!!! are you feeling better :? For a second, all Eli could do was blink at it. Someone had replied to her note. A person had entered the shared bathroom, seen the note, and felt concerned enough to write a reply. That was literally the last thing she expected to happen.

The idea for this came from some of my own experiences in college, along with a suggestion from my friend bax. I plan on making this multiple chapters, though I’m not sure how many.

Eli lives in a dorm room that is connected to another dorm room by a bathroom. Two college students live in each room, and all four of them share the bathroom. The doors lock from the outside only. In the rooms, the beds are lofted, which means they are basically bunk beds with only the top bunk in place.

Before Eli opened her eyes, she could already feel her head throbbing. Each beat of her heart sent blood pounding through her skull. She started to open her eyes, but screwed them shut against the harsh light pouring in her dorm room’s one window. For some reason the blinds were pulled wide open, though there was only one person to blame for that.

“Honoka,” Eli groaned, her own voice echoing painfully in her ears. She raised one hand to cover her strained eyes. “Close the window.” Eli counted the pulsing of her brain while waiting for a response; she made it to 30 before she realized no one was responding. Slowly rotating her head towards the center of the room, Eli peeked down through the cracks of her eyelids.

Honoka wasn’t there. From her vantage point of lying prone in her lofted bed, it seemed like Eli was alone in the dorm. With another groan, she mustered all her strength to kick her blanket off, sit half way up, and crawl extremely slowly towards the ladder on her loft, which was on the end of the bed. She was careful not to hit her head on the ceiling; a concussion would only make her hangover worse. The motion brought a wave of nausea to her throat, but managed not to barf.

By some miracle, Eli made it down the ladder and onto solid ground. As she suspected, her roommate Honoka was nowhere to be found. Eli glared at the alarm clock as if it could change her situation, and resisted another groan when she saw it was already 12:24. She’d slept practically her whole Sunday away.

After leaning over, and immediately regretting it, to check if the light was on in the bathroom, Eli knocked gently on the door before unlocking it and entering the conjoining room. The door on the other side was closed, and Eli could see some light through the bottom crack. She stepped over to the sink, turning it on and splashing some cold water on her face. It brought her a small amount of relief, but wasn’t enough to fight off her migraine.

Eli lifted her face to see just how disheveled she looked in the mirror, but stopped when something light blue caught her eye.

About half way up the mirror, right near the middle, a blue sticky note stuck to the surface. Much to Eli’s dismay, she recognized the handwriting. The note read:

sorry its so gross in here :( i feel soooooo sick right now :( :( :( :(

There was no doubt about it, that handwriting was her own. Eli glanced over at the toilet, but it looked about as clean as it normally did. If it was clean then that meant… Eli didn’t want to think too hard about it. Besides, her brain was only functioning at about 25 percent capacity right now.

With a sigh she reached up and pulled the note off the mirror. At least drunk her was considerate, she thought as she re-stuck the blue square to the right edge of the surface. If there did turn out to be a pool of vomit somewhere, at least she left a note. Hopefully her suitemates wouldn’t be too mad.

With that done, Eli flicked the light off and vacated the bathroom. She relocked her side of the suite, and looked in her desk for some pain killers. After a few moments of digging she found some ibuprofen, which she consumed eagerly. After that, Eli took a sip of water from a bottle she had on her desk, and started the laborious climb back up to her lofted bed. She made it somehow without vomiting, and collapsed back into hungover slumber.

For the next few days the blue note remained up in the bathroom. Eli ignored it whenever she went in there, but Honoka always had a comment when she noticed its presence. Honoka joked about how she never actually found that mess, and how their suitemates never seemed to care about keeping the bathroom clean anyway.

Three days after the initial note placement, on Wednesday evening, Eli was studying in her dorm room. Honoka was supposed to be studying as well, but she spent far more time playing games on her phone. She also took relatively frequent bathroom breaks to aid in procrastination. Eli was busy copying some definitions from a textbook when Honoka emerged from one such break.

“I don’t know how you did it,” the bubbly girl chirped as she plopped down at her desk, grabbing Eli’s attention. “That’s some magic trick.”

What was Honoka babbling about this time? “What do you mean?” Eli looked up from her notes to ask, turning slightly towards her roommate.

“You made it purple somehow., without even going in there.” Honoka said as if that would help, while looking at Eli expectantly. Eli inhaled deeply, trying to formulate a response of some kind. She had no idea what Honoka was actually trying to say. The best way to find out would be to just look in the bathroom herself, since Honoka didn’t seem like she was going to continue speaking.

Since Honoka had just come out, Eli was able to enter the bathroom without having to wait. When she turned the light on, it looked the same as it normally did. Eli scrutinized the room carefully, and paused when she reached the mirror. It felt like her heart skipped a beat at the realization. A purple note in the shape of a heart sat where the blue note had been before. Eli didn’t recognize the handwriting. It read:

thats ok!!! are you feeling better :?

For a second, all Eli could do was blink at it. Someone had replied to her note. A person had entered the shared bathroom, seen the note, and felt concerned enough to write a reply. That was literally the last thing she expected to happen. With a sharp inhale Eli retreated back to her dorm room. She left the light on in the bathroom and made sure the door was closed before speaking, since her suitemates would be able to hear her if the bathroom door was open.

“Honoka,” she said slowly and steadily. “Are you pranking me?” It had happened before, more than once.

“What! Of course not!” Honoka insisted with a pout. “Not since last month!” Ah yes, the fake spider in the fridge had been last month’s delightful prank.

“Then who wrote that note?” Eli crossed her arms, leaning against the bathroom door.

“It wasn’t you?” Honoka’s eyes widened, and she sounded so surprised Eli decided to believe her.

“No.” Eli frowned. “It must’ve been our suitemates.” That was odd though, because they weren’t close to their suitemates. The two girls on the other side had roomed together intentionally, while both Eli and Honoka had roomed blind. They’d introduced themselves at the beginning of the year, but Eli forgot their names.

Honoka’s eyebrows knight together thoughtfully. “Hmmmm.” She tilted her head to one side. “You should respond.” Was the conclusion she came to.

Eli wasn’t sure she agreed with that idea. “I dunno.” She tried to think of a way to explain her hesitation, but struggled to put it into words.

“C’mon, it’ll be fun!” Honoka jumped up for emphasis and leverage. “Besides, we don’t eeeever talk to them, so this is a chance to make new friends.” She insisted, inching into Eli’s personal space.

“Fine,” Eli acquiesced, leaning away from Honoka. “Just this once though.” She stepped over to her desk and grabbed the pad of blue sticky notes along with a pencil. She gave it a few seconds of thought, and then scribbled:

I’m feeling much better, thank you!

That was good enough, she decided, and re-entered the bathroom to place it on the mirror. Since the other person took the original note, Eli figured she should take the purple one. She peeled the heart shaped note off and replaced it with her response.

Eli only looked back once as she flipped the light off and left the bathroom. Once the door was shut and locked, she looked for a spot on her desk to put the purple heart. She ended up sticking it to a piece of loose-leaf paper, and putting in one of the desk drawers.

“Done.” She said to Honoka, who shot back a thumbs up in response. There was no way someone would respond to that note, and even if they did Eli was determined not to respond again.

She planned to stick to that decision.

Eli was wrong.

A few days later, she found a new purple note plastered where hers had been. It said:

im glad! the cards told me but i wanted to confirm it :D

Eli couldn’t help but write back:

What do you mean by the cards???

#nozoeli #ayase eli #toujou nozomi #love live #love live fanfiction #we'll see how many chapters I end up with #but here's the first one #I'm kind of excited for this fic

21 notes · View notes

ramblingsandruminations · 7 years

Text

When Suicidal Ideation is the norm

All the help in the world becomes a muddy puddle of shitty affirmations, thorned gaslighting, and useless guilt. If one more person tells me "have you tried yoga/deepbreaths/vitamin B..." Ugh. Who am i kidding? This is tumblr, where you can always find somone who says exactly what you are thinking ( #omgmetho #datme #meirl ). Weve all heard the "stop giving advice and atart taking it " speech, we're all likely to have read some post about the "evils" and " abuses" of therapy and inpatient treatment, and I'll bet a paper hat, some vending machine doodad, or some shitty-yet-adorably-hipsterly prize that within 100 reblogs someone links to some news article about "Queer Youth Completes Suicide And We Think You Will Pay Us to Feel Bad About It, Don't Forget To Like, Share, and Subscribe to Trevor Project, Your Reblog Will Save A Life (And Keep Us Relevant For Our Advertisers)." Tomorrow(well, next daylight hours) my 26-year-old depressed college freshman self is going to walk into my schools coubseling office and tell them i never recieved the location for the therapist they reffered me to (true story--Honestly not avoiding treatmwnt, even if it is useless) and request a second referral. Ill sit through some lecture about self-advocacy veiled in "concerned questions" and once again be misgendered, deadnamed, and criticized for giving a fuck (note: commenters looking to describe me with the word "cuck," i see you there, good for you, let me know how that white kkknight holier than thou red pill rage fest dopamine addiction is filling the gaping void of existential dread within you). After that, there is always a small chance they'll see just how depressed i am, and faster than you can say "looney is a word based in misogynistic beliefs of womens mental health and menstrual cycles being unhealthily and unscientifically connected to the moon," ill be fielding questions which boil down to "do you want to kill yourself" and "do you have a plan." By this time in my life, i've gotten pretty used to BSing my way around psychology. All it really takes is knowing that all they can take you on is your word, and nothing else. "Do you want to kill yourself?" they ask, and i reply "*short pause, heavy, short exhale denoting weight and truth* Well, yeah. But quite frankly, suicidal ideation is a part of my everyday life- nothing i do isn't plagued with some form of "i should wrap this mouse cord aroubd my neck and die" or " i wonder if that branch is strong enough to support my weight" or "man, my head hurts, but i bet a bottle or two of ibuprofen could make it stop." For me, its not a question of wanting to die, its a matter of what do i have to live for, and ive been through enough inpatient DBT and group therapy to help me cope, using breathing techniques and self-care tips to push me through the worst of it." This is usually if not always all they need to hear. Sure, im depressed, but anything they could tell me is something i know and am already doing-i sound to them more like a patient leaving inpatient than one entering it. Our hospitals are overfilled, understaffed, prqctucally unfunded; if im "stable" im staying out of their ledger book. Occasionally, they still worry, having one of those "consciences" their peers claim to have lost when a schizophrenic patient tried to bite their ear off, and ask a follow up "but are you sure? You seem distressed, and if you need some help, we are here for you," to which all i have to do is look at them through sad, but strong eyes and say "Thank you, but i have a great support network of friends and of course, my boyfriend. He's fantastic, and one of the most important things to have happened to me. He keeps me on this side of the dirt." A small tired chuckle, and their focus diverts towards affirmations of how good it is to have support, their therapy brains running on autopilot. Then all it needs is some "active" listening, uh-huhs, and compliant assurance that ill keep working on myself to assuage them of any guilt or corncern. Maybe, though, ill tell them the truth, and let them take me in. Three hots and a cot, after all. I'll fight through my dysphoria as they ogle every nook and cranny of my malformed body trying to see if im hiding a weapon or some drugs; I'll continue to insist on a private room and remind them calmly yet firmly that no, i will *not* room with a male, and their lack of knowledge on how to treat a transgender non-binary patient is well behind on proper treatment according to WPATH, the APA, and our state govt. When i get a room, theyll say that i should take as much time as i need to get acclimated, and not worry about what the rwat of group is qorking on, and then contradict themselves within 5 minutes and say i need to go to group, theyre waiting on me. In my fresh new scrubs, ill walk in and within seconds, ill identify how th staff monitors who came in when (usually different colored scrubs based on different halves of the week, and of course, anyone likely to leave within 48 hours wearing "normal" clothes), and see the therapist or doctor talking about emotional management techniques. When i sit down, eeyes will be on me, some with looks of angey jusgemwnt, some with awe and wonder: what could THEY be in for? The group leader will ask me my name, ill state it and my pronouns (to several uncomfortable shifts in the room), and theyll let me know what they were talking about. Ill make a good effort to participate, play along, etc. Someone in the group will be desperate to control the conversation, talking more and more as if this entire experience is just for them- another person will be too dissociated to say anyrhing, despite the doctors attebpts to get them to open up. Already, the cliques will become apparent; humans are aocial creatures, after all. When we leave for the next scheduled activity (either rec or lunch, depending on the time) the docs will be watching me- im on suicide watch, and they expe t me to jump out a window or try and slit my wrists with a paperclip or something. Im not a danger in this regard; ive been threatened with solitary and ECT if i dont comply before- i am their prisoner and i must comply. Within an hour or two of being there, ill be able to notice how well funded they are (or more likely, arent.) The quality of their reading materials; the availability of puzzles abd how well taken care of they appear. Recreation will be the most bare of kindergarden activities; coloring books, maybe a tv with basic cable. A daycare for adults, abd not the cool buzzfeed articles. Someone, probably an addict, will be trying to fanangle their attendee into giving them special treatement- a snack, or an extra smoke break. I'll be sitting in a corner, smirking- the staff arent even an eigth as dumb as this person thinks, and they've seen this type before. They might get something, but itll cost them sour looks from staff and less accommodating treatment with the doctors. After the second hour, we'll have another activity (second group, rec, or maybe "outside time" if its a particularly fancy facility; while the sun will certainly be shining, our feelings of freedom will be dampened by the high fances and walls keeping us from getting away). This is usually wheb the realization sets in that im stuck here for 72 hours plus, and ill be counting them down to stave off boredom. 15-30 minutes in to this third hour, ill be called in to meet tye psychiatrist, fisrt meeting with an attendee to fill out the generic details, then 30-45 minutes of diagnosis before im told ill be put on ab antidepressant, an anxiolytic, and tramodol, a sedative marketed as "something to help me sleep" and "another antidepressant" which makes me laugh every time. Tramodol is the auppressant, the "slow down" drug which helps keep everyobe on a nice, calm level thats safer for the orderlies. Were i violent, id concur; instead, i begin to wonder how long it will take before i no longer feel persistently asleep once i leave. A couple weeks, likely. Hopefully, the food will be good, but not likely 5 star- one place ive stayed had been cooking for us in the break room, sometimes PB&J, sometimes microwaved quesadillas. Maybe theyll have more drink options than coffee, water, and sugar-free koolaid- maybe not. Likely not. Some of us will complain; most of us will know it is a fruitless endeavor. After another group or two, it will be dinner, then wrap up group. We will discuss what progress we think we made today, and be sent to bed after meds are distributed in little paper ketchup cups. Most places wont do the "cuckoos nest" tongue check, but some will, particularly the ones with kleptos and pill ODers. Lights oyt will be around 10 pm, the beds will be plasticky and the blankets thin, and sleep will only cone rhanks to our sedatives. Day two, we'll be woken early, around 6-7, by an orderly checking our blood pressure and body temp. Well all gather in the hallway, rubbing sleep out of our eyes and head to the eating area for breakfast- which loooking back will likely be the best meal of the day, not the least be ause we have access to augar and caffiene. By now, i will likely have made a friend, probably with an older woman or two, and we will enjoy surreptitiously smirking at each other when the teoublemaker patwnt tries to get an omlette or something silly. Someone will start telling fanciful stories dreamed up in the night; talk will eventually turn to who is leaving today. The orderlies will be trying to not look too interested in what we reveal to each other instead of them. They will not succeed in this. Ths first morning they will use as a test of how i deal with frustration. An older nurse will act exasperated, as though taking care of me is a curse she was tasked with. She will try to cut theough any response i give her, and rudely discount anything i try to say, as if accuaing me of lying. Knowing it is coming doesnt help it hurt less. If it overwhelms me, ill be labeled as dramatic- if not, as detached. Sluggish from the new medications, i will be treated as though i ahould not be here, and will be led aroubd more quickly than i am rady to be. I will notice that part of it is that i am beginning to realize how broken down i feel i am. Reaching out will result in canned answers and "the doctor is busy's". After all, this iant about me, and theyve seen my type before. At lunch, i will be upset by the bland meal, abd ask if they have any hot sauce, or maybethey will be out of a preferred tea, or the food will not be enough to feed me. The newcomer who arrived at morning group will share a look with the quiet patient. I will try not to notice the parallels. A therapist will ask to talk to me today. It may be a nice session, but will essebtially boil down to "let me give you ideas for solving your problems, so that your depression seems more managed." By the end of the day, they will already begin my release plan. Theyve fixed me, they are sure. I will also get my clothes back. The aurvey will be slightly different today; instead of asking on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being best abd 10 being worst how was my day, it will be the opposite: scale of 1-10 with 1 being worst and 10 being best. This way, they can track how much is me being honest, and how much is me remembering numbers to fake it. (Once, a nurse messed up so often that it was a sentence by sentence change). Later, if there is any improvement, it will be used by the hospital as signs that treatment is helping; if it gets worse, that i had a rough day and shouldnt think much of it. Bedtime will come, and i will relish it- being sedated takes a lot out of a person. When morning comes, the eggs will feel soggy and cereal with be a much better choice. A bagel will be carried into morning group and more DBT will be discussed. I will mostly be checked out; they are pulling most of their material from a 12 step program, and the leader is a student of psychology learning how to help people, but ive heard it all before, and that sense of guilt just pushes me towards suicide harder. At this point, ill feel just how desperate they are to get me out; nurses eill hint at things being the "wrong" answer with " you dont REALLY mean that, do you sweetie?" and " well, you cant keep thinking THAT way, or we'll have to keep you here longer." Boredom and longing for home will encourage me to pretend to be better, and not tell them how last night before falling asleep i stared at the vedfrane wondering if i could take it apart and form a springwire noose, or tear the blankets to make a rope. When they ask if im feeling better, it will actually mean "are you done with your timeout from reality? Have you learned how to fit in properly yet?" The meds wont really begin having a noticable effect for months- they know im lying. What they hope for is a glimmer of hope and a mountain of guilt for wanting to hurt others by hurting myself. Ill fake those, too. Still, ill be misgendered. Still, theyll blame hormones and buzzfeed rather than neurology and chemistry. After all, im well-adjusted, not at all like the Caitlyn Jenners and Wachowskis they read about on their facebooks. Its just a phase, and im just confused. I didnt try to hurt myself- nothing is *really* wrong with me. What can i do? Try and strangle myaelf, or others? That just means im lashing out, and ill get a new med regime and another 3 days, this time strapped down. Being strapped to a bed and left alone is mind-numbingly boring. If i tell them i still want to kill myaelf, theyll just nod their head and tell me it will go away soon; if i say i have a plan, rheyll keep me playing chess and reading AA papers until i apologize. Their job is not to fix me, their job is to stabilize me and make sure i dont break myself more. The fixing is my responsibility. Day four is release day. They will claim i have made improvements and have me fill out an action plan for when i feel depressed again. It will include people i can call, and ways i can push through bad feelings. It is my exit exam.when i pass, ill be set up with a therapist outside the hospital later in the week, and told how to connect with various resources. They will think i didnt know there were trans support groups. I will think that if it was just a support group i needed, i wouldnt dream of death. Neither of us will admit these things. And so, ill come back to school. Late on homework, i will have to prostrate myaelf with dictors note beggibg for forgiveness. I will get it, more due to policy than empathy, and at the end of the day, i will lay in bed, stare up at the ceiling, and contemplate which of my top three anchor spots would be the best ending to my story. Other than medical bills, nothing will have changed. Life drones on. I think i understand why death seems,so much better. In death, i can pretend there is a solution. In death, i can imagine a cure. In death, i can envision a caretaker and easier existence. It doesnt matter that death is the end of it all- i can pretend it willl be more, and my imagination can create many comforts in that void. But even death is a lie, and nothing will ever stop hurting.

#psychology #depression #inpatient #suicidal ideation #existentialism

1 note · View note

cringeynews · 7 years

Text

New Post has been published on

New Post has been published on http://cringeynews.com/uncategorized/21-men-and-women-who-killed-in-self-defense-share-exactly-what-life-is-like-knowing-they-killed-someone/

21 Men And Women Who Killed In Self Defense Share Exactly What Life Is Like Knowing They Killed Someone

Back in 2012 two men busted in my back door. It took them a few minutes as it was a metal door on a metal frame with sturdy hinges and a lock. One of the guys was probably 6′ 6″ and pretty large; he was finally able to break it off the hinge with a crowbar. When I heard them start hammering on the door I told my wife to call the police and lock herself and our baby behind two doors and I went out into the hallway with a shotgun. I kept yelling at them to leave and that the cops were coming and that I was armed – they kept coming. Eventually I heard a pop and the banging stopped and I knew they were through. I told them in no uncertain terms that if I saw them in my house, I was going to kill them.

A few seconds later they came around the corner both holding what appeared to be weapons and I shot the bigger one twice in the chest. The other one just stood there confused, probably trying process what in the hell had just happened. He took one step towards me and I shot him as well. Police showed up about two minutes later – both died at the scene. One had a knife and duct tape, the other had the crowbar. I later found out that the larger one was wanted for some sort of manslaughter charge because he killed his girlfriend a state over.

I have zero regrets about that night. They had multiple chances to leave and I have no doubt that they would have hurt my family if I had not stopped them.

—sd___throwaway

This was about 2004-2006. I don’t remember the exact year anymore.

I killed a guy that tried to break into my apartment because he was wanting his wife that he had just beat the shit out of.

2am. I hear them arguing. I could hear it through my bathroom wall. I shut my bathroom then bedroom to drown it out.

2:15am. She’s banging on my door, broken nose, left eye swollen, and limping from tripping and falling to get out of the apartment. Told her to go to the bathroom, clean herself up, then hide in my bedroom.

Husband comes out of the apartment, yelling her name, and he notices her blood trail to my apartment. Starts banging on my door, yelling to let him in. I warned him 3 times that he doesn’t stop, I will kill you. He kicks the lock on the door, door swings open, and I swing my baseball bat down onto his head.

He falls to the ground stunned. He lands stomach first and I see a handgun tucked into the back of his shirt. I grab it, throw it into my apartment, and warned him one more time.

He got up, came at me, I slam my bat into his stomach, then slam my bat over his head one last time which caved his skull in. I knew from the blood spatter from when I hit, he was dead. Thankfully, the neighbors had called the police when it started and the second he fell to the ground dead, police had made it to the top of the steps.

It never affected me as much as it should have. I reacted the best way I could for the situation I was in.

I don’t think about what I did anymore. I can’t fix the past.

—_hardliner_

I was jumped by 4 guys about 10 years ago. I was down on the ground and they were kicking and punching me. I grabbed my knife from my pocket, reached up and stabbed one of them in the stomach. Blood everywhere. some mine, mostly his. they all ran. One of them yelled back that he would find me later and kill me. He later died at a hospital because he took too long to get help.

Basically I never really felt bad about it and I don’t regret it. It has popped into my head randomly from time to time and it weirds me out that I took a persons life but thats about it.. doesn’t last long. My thoughts about it are that I was protecting myself and whether or not they would have killed me I feel it was not just justified but exactly what I should have done.

—OnwardtoGehenna

My senior year of college, I had an off campus apartment in a really shitty part of town. I often went to the batting cages with my roommates just for fun, so we each had our own baseball bat.

It was a Friday night and I heard a bang at the backdoor. I honestly thought it was just one of my roommates who had locked themselves out drunkenly. Well I get down there and there’s a guy in the kitchen wearing a ski mask. I just grabbed one of the baseball bats and swung at this guy as hard as humanly possible.

Well I hit the guy square in the head. He fell back, broke down the sliding closet door. Two of my roommates came running out, and I was just standing over this guy, who was profusely bleeding on our kitchen floor. One called 911 and the other one took off the guys ski mask and we tried to stop the bleeding with it. At this point the lights were still off and I didn’t actually realize how much blood was everywhere.

Two cops show up what felt like an eternity later, and then an ambulance wheeled him off. He died not too long after that. Our last roommate showed up while police were still taking statements. He just walks in and gives us this look like “what the hell happened?” And I just said “I broke your bat, I’m sorry”. He didn’t really give a shit about the baseball bat, I just didn’t know what else to say.

None of us slept that night. We just watched south park on Netflix and all called out of work the next day. I remember there was a lot of disbelief. I mean I couldn’t believe that had just happened. Never felt bad about it though. I did often wonder for awhile what led that guy to break into our place.

I do however own a .22 revolver now.

—DoesTheNameGoHere

Back in 1995 I lived in a quiet neighborhood in the SF East Bay with my wife of a few years and our 20 month old daughter. We had a small 3 bedroom two story house, and one of our second floor bedrooms doubled as my home office. One quiet Saturday morning I was in my office playing Command and Conquer on my computer with my headphones on, oblivious to the sounds of the outside world.

I’d probably been playing for an hour or so when, during one particularly quiet moment, I faintly heard my wife cry out downstairs. Knowing that she was down there with our daughter, I pulled my headphones off to see if she needed help with anything. Until the day I take my last breath, I’ll never forget what I heard when I pulled them off. I heard the voice of a man, with a thick Mexican accent, shout, “Quit yelling bitch, or I’ll fucking cut your head off and fuck your fucking daughter!” My daughter was crying hysterically.

After that, it was like some switch was thrown in me and my higher brain just shut off. I wasn’t making decisions. I just acted. I don’t even remember pulling the .45 from the lockbox in my desk, I just remember walking down the stairs slowly, scared as hell that I was going to see my wife dead when I reached the bottom. Instead, when I reached the bottom, I saw my wife half naked, bent over the couch, bleeding from somewhere in her upper body, while being raped from behind by some burly guy with a knife in his hand. He wasn’t TRYING to rape her, he was in the middle of the deed and was probably nearing climax.

I never said a word to the guy. Not while I was upstairs, not while I was coming down the stairs, and not when I walked into the room. His back was to me, so he had no idea I was even standing there.

He was holding his knife in his right hand, so that was the arm I grabbed with my left when I pulled him off. He spun away from her and me with a confused look on his face, and I shot him square in the chest at nearly point blank range before he had a chance to say a single word. His face went pale as he went onto one knee, and I fired twice more. One hit his neck, and the second missed entirely. I was told later that the first shot was the fatal one.

What happened next has always been a point of shame for me. The only thought going through my head at that point was that I couldn’t let my daughter watch this man die. Without even checking on my wife, I scooped my daughter up and walked out my front door. As I walked out to my driveway, I saw one of my neighbors standing there staring at my house (he’d heard the gunshots). The poor guy went pale when he saw me walk out, and I vaguely remember asking him to hold my daughter while I went and checked on my wife. The neighbor asked me if I’d shot her, and I told him, “No, I shot the man who was raping her.” I didn’t realize at the time that I had the guys blood spray covering half my body, and that I looked like something out of a horror movie. I then handed him my daughter and my gun (I also have no idea why I gave him my gun), and went back into my house to help my wife.

The police and DA gave me some flak about the exact circumstances of the shooting (one of the detectives told me that it was more of an “execution” than a “defense”), but in the end they declined to pursue any charges. The man who attacked her turned out to be a guy with serious mental issues who had been previously convicted of two violent rapes, one of which was against a 9 year old girl. Under California’s then-new 3 Strikes law, he’d have gone to prison for life if I hadn’t killed him.

As for recovery; I like to think that I’ve recovered from it, but it certainly induced a few behavioral changes. To this day, for example, I can’t wear headphones that block out background noise. Even after years of counseling, over-ear and noise cancelling headphones give me panic attacks because I can’t hear what’s happening around me. I found out later that he’d been raping my wife for nearly 10 minutes before I heard him, and that he’d actually told my wife THREE TIMES that he was going to rape my daughter when he was finished with her. I was sitting 30 feet away and had no idea it was going on, and that fact has fucked with me for years.

My wife had a much worse time of it though. In addition to two stab wounds to her shoulder and upper arm, and the bruising and injuries from the forceful rape, she ended up having a mental break and took years to really recover. For the first 6 months, she absolutely could not be in any room by herself. For more than a year, she couldn’t be in a house by herself (and she NEVER reentered the house where this happened). For several years, she’d break out in a sweat when she heard men with deep hispanic accents talking, because she’d hear his voice again. Even now, decades later, she starts shaking if you try to talk to her about it. She’s fine in every other sense, but even discussing it freaks her out.

—ta_aimtrue

I got assaulted in an alley in New Orleans 20 years ago. The guy hit me in the back of the head, cut me a few times with a knife, put the knife to my throat and told me that he was going to rape and kill me. I choked him to death. Felt his windpipe crumble in my hands. I’ve had PTSD ever since. Constant nightmares. I see his face turn red, blue, and purple. I hear the crunch of his windpipe. I feel him struggle against me. I have scars I see every time I get out of the shower. I did what I had to do and don’t regret it but killing a man with your bare hands is a lifelong struggle.

—Offtopic_bear

My house had been robbed twice while I was at work. One day I had to call out sick and while I was sleeping I heard someone downstairs. I called out “Who’s there?” When we’re sick, our supervisors come to see if we’re actually home, but I was worried because they always knock first, and I was sure I didn’t hear any knock or doorbell.

I heard footsteps running up the stairs and I called out that I was armed. My supervisor definitely would have stopped, but the footsteps got louder. I got behind the door and two men charged into my room with guns. I moved my arm and they turned around. I shot one of them in the neck while he shot the wall behind me, the other man ran downstairs.

It turns out I shot my coworker’s cousin, who knew my schedule of when I wasn’t going to be home. The coworker was not in on anything. The other man was the cousin’s friend.

I was not charged. I do not feel guilty because the last two months made me feel very violated. I changed jobs because I was uncomfortable working with people who knew about it.

—ThrowawayKillSD

Happened about a decade ago. I was walking back home and these 2 kids tried to rob me. I don’t necessarily know what age they were, but they were somewhat short (I live in a country in which the average person isn’t very tall) and pretty scrawny. I was pretty deep into depression that had me at a point in which I didn’t really care about much of anything.. and was contemplating suicide constantly, so as weird as it might be to say, I wasn’t particularly scared, which is probably why he kept getting even more agitated.

Both were probably on drugs, one with the gun was yelling more and more and for some reason I reached out for his gun, in the struggle the gun fired twice, both times he got shot and died. The other one started yelling for his brother, charged me with the knife he had, I shot and kept shooting until the gun ran out.

Called the police, they couldn’t pretend to care less, two junkie kids on drugs, yeah. Would probably be different in the US.

At the time the only thing that freaked me out was the fact I wasn’t freaking out. I kept thinking I was some kind of monster, yet was mostly indifferent towards it.

A year later after I got on meds for my depression and it felt like it crashed on me pretty hard. Got heavily into drinking.

—deleted

I work graveyards at a gas station in that grey area part of my town where a good neighborhood is immediately bordered by an extremely bad one, so I see all sorts of shit, both good and bad.

A couple years ago (4-5 now maybe? I usually try not to think about it.), I was in the back room stocking, and hear the front door open, so I come out face first into two younger guys running in with guns drawn. I carry, but I’m not the idiot that thinks he can draw, ready, aim and fire before someone with a ready weapon kills me, so I put my hands up and stop moving. Guy 1 keeps coming and grabs me by the back of the shirt while Guy 2 peels off and starts grabbing all of the Newports and scratch tickets. Guy 1 puts the gun to the back of my head and brings me around to the register area, where I open the register. He pulls me to the back of the register area by the cigarette display and his friends moves over to empty the till.

While they’re changing places, Guy 1 says “Hurry up blood let’s merc this fool” (or something very similar), and gestures with his gun in such a way that I got a look at it. He. Had. No. Magazine. His friend may have, but he was facing away, on one knee, with his weapon stuffed in his rear waist band with his fucking comically long shirt over it. Unfortunately for them my CZ-75 compact most certainly did. I smacked Guy 1 in the head with right hand as hard as I could, and drew while shooting upwards at him. I wasn’t really aiming, just fired twice into center of mass from just above my hip. First round caught him in the upper sternum/collar bone area, and the second caught him in the base of the neck and travelled upwards through his skull, before finally ruining the Marlboro light display with bits of his head. (Oddly, those cigarette cartons with the red on the white and gold are my clearest memory of that night.) I spun towards Guy 2 and fired three more times, catching him once in the upper abdomen and twice in the chest.

I immediately called 911, and then proceeded to sit on the floor in silence for the ten minutes it took them to get there, shaking. After all, the adrenaline was wearing off. All said and done, I was questioned for about twenty minutes, and my weapon was confiscated for the duration, but other than that and ~a month of nightmares I was fine. Nightmares stopped once the detective in charge of the case let me know that I was wasn’t the first store they’d robbed, and killed or severely beaten the other checkers. Then I was just glad that I’d removed trash like that from the world. Can’t hurt anyone now.

—F_N_DB

I was in an incident where I shot and killed a squatter during an eviction. In all honesty, he shot me first, and I dont really remember all the details which is probably a good thing. I was also present with a marshal at the time, so there wasnt much of a report to take.

I think about it sometimes, especially when my shoulder hurts. Hard not to honestly. I’m alive, and he isnt, and at the end of the day I feel pretty good about that. I never knew his name, or why he fired his weapon at me instead of just walking out peacefully. He’s probably in an unmarked grave somewhere in Michigan, and that doesnt bother me too much. I don’t intend to end up like that man.

—kegman83

Having lived in a more dangerous neighborhood growing up, I was taught as a teen gun safety and was at the shooting range regularly with my dad and brothers. One day I arrived home after college to find someone going through my things in my bedroom. He came at me with a knife as soon as he saw me. I pulled my gun out of my purse and shot him in the chest.

It happened so quickly, all I could think of was the knife and his proximity and that he had physical advantage over me and I needed to do something before he got within arms length and could use his strength to rape me. I didn’t take time to aim, I certainly didn’t intend to kill him. I wanted him to not be able to come near to me.

I don’t regret pulling the trigger. I do have nightmares about it and what would have happened if i didn’t have a gun that day.

In regards to the “he’s gonna rape me” mentality. I live in South Africa, where some believe (incorrectly) that sex with a virgin cures AIDS. There were a number of reports of rapes in my neighborhood at the time.

—deleted

Was getting out of the Army a few years ago. I took my wife and kids home early in order to focus on getting out and finish selling the house before I completely left the area. I left both of my cars at home with my wife (had a buddy who was also leaving the Army, drive me around) so there was zero cars at my house. Anyways, the front door opened to a hallway to go to the kitchen and backdoor and the stairs to go upstairs. I was sleeping on the floor in the master bedroom where the top of the stairs led because all my stuff had been packed except for a few knick knacks… and my .45 S&W M&P.

Three guys broke in that night, shattered my back door (big center window in door) which woke me up. I didn’t have much to take.. but my laptop and tv was the only thing downstairs. I heard them talking.. heard them say stuff about not having much and taking the laptop and tv. Then heard them talk about looking upstairs. As soon as I heard the first step creak, I yelled out that I have a gun. No movement… then they pretty much bum rushed the stairs and into my room. I shot the first guy in the neck, his buddy took a shot at me and missed where he then was shot in the shoulder. The third guy rushed back outside and left his buddies. The guy shot in the neck was dead instantly, guy with a gsw in shoulder was withering in pain. Kicked their guns down the stairs and called 911. Cops were there in about 10 minutes. Took my statement, took my gun and offered an ambulance. Don’t think they ever found the third guy also.

3 years later and I think about it from time to time. What bothers me most is that I didn’t kill the guy I shot in the shoulder so I do fear he could find me again and also… that the house was nearly empty.. so that dude lost his life over nothing. I’m pretty much fucked in the head from deployments and such.. so this just adds on to it. I just smoke a lot of weed to deal with it.

—unknownshadow2419

Well, I was sitting in a gas station parking lot when a man knocked on my passengers side window. I was waiting while my friend grabbed some beer and he had just walked in. I live in an area with a lot of homeless people and being the too nice person I am I rolled the window down to give the guy some of the change sitting in a cup holder. He pulled a gun on me and unlocked the door to get in. I had a gun but it was in an awkward position. I had never had to pull it before so I didn’t really know how well it would work but it was the most reasonable place I could think of, not to mention I was a newbie gun owner at the time (left side in the cup holder on the door). You never really know what the best course of action is until it happens to you.

I do exactly as he says and pull away. I didn’t know what the hell was going to happen but I was scared shitless and I really hoped he wouldn’t see my gun. We end up pulling into an old dark parking lot.

To give a little context on why what happened next happened how it did, I drive a little kia soul stick shift and it jumps speed bumps. Like jumps them. I see one and at this point the guy isn’t really paying attention to me so I put my foot to the floor, jump this speed bump, he hits his head on the roof and his gun falls in my lap so I grabbed it and pointed it at him.

At this point I expected him to get spooked and get away but I was wrong. The guy had a pocket knife and he pulled it. He stabbed me 2 times before I could get a shot off. Everything went dark and that’s all I remember.

When I woke up I found out he died in my car and I actually shot him 2 times. It turned into a huge legal battle because the gun was stolen and he had drugs on him. Everyone thought it was a drug deal gone bad. I’ve dealt with it for years and to this day I’m still not the same. My family disowned me because of it. Ive also turned into a hermit that lives in the woods away from everyone because I don’t trust anyone. It can get lonely sometimes but its alright.

The one question I saw a lot “why did your family disown you?” They thought I was dealing drugs along with the rest of the city. I lived in a small Southern town where everyone talks at their tea parties and spread the rumors/drama. Also, my friend at the gas station is the reason I didn’t get locked up for murder. He testified and I got out of trouble. It still took forever. I mean, it was a death not just a gunshot wound. Everyone had a lot of questions and didn’t feel they were getting the answer they wanted to hear.

—TranquilW0lf

I am female, 5’2 and weigh a little south of 100 lbs. I’ve always been on the smaller side and I used to always have earphones on. I was always decked out in “nicer clothes”. Looking back, I was probably an easy target.I’ve always grown up on the “greener grass”. My parents are both successful and I’m an only child. It was a huge culture shock for me when I decided to go to college in a not-so-safe area. My school is a fairly high ranked private school in probably the worst location of SoCal. Really high crime rates & all that fun stuff.

I was walking to my apartment after a long day at the library – it was around 1 am or so. I normally drive, but that day I had lent my roommate my car so I decided to walk to school instead. I could’ve taken the shuttle, but I figured I should exercise and all that fun stuff. I was young and reckless.

I think I was about 10 minutes away from my place when I noticed I was being followed. I didnt think much of it, so I kept going. There are a lot of homeless people in the neighborhood and they’re fairly harmless, so I figured it was one of them panhandling or something. What I didn’t know was that there was someone else in front that was “following” me too. The cops said they had planned it from the start – I wasn’t a random target. They were herding me to a location they wanted me to be in. I dont really remember how it happened, but I turned the corner and everything went black. When I woke up I was sitting on the floor of the alleyway in the corner and there were about 3 guys towering over me. Two of them had a knife and they told me if I screamed they would make sure the cops wouldn’t be able to identify my body.

I remember them grabbing me by my hair and dragging me further down the alley, and being forced on the floor on my stomach. One of them held on to my hair and my hands so I couldnt move my head and I felt strong pressure on the back of my calves & thighs. I imagine they were probably stepping on my legs so I couldnt move. I remember crying and choking on my snot & tears while trying not to make a sound. I also felt something really cold on my neck – I knew it was the knife so I kept quiet. They rummaged through my bag and took everything worth while, and threw the rest in the giant trash bins. Whoever was stepping on my legs bent down and started patting me down to make sure I didnt have anything on me that was worth stealing. They took my iPod, iPhone& around 200 in cash from my pocket. I felt really strong pressure on my side after that knocked the wind out of me – I felt like I was going to die. I imagine they kicked me. I couldnt curl up into a ball and cry though, they were still holding on to me. The part after that is a blur – I remember one of the guys saying “lets bounce” and another voice saying “lets have some fun with this asian bitch”. I think there was a small debate whether or not I was asian (I’m half) but I dont really remember. I think my adrenaline kicked in when I felt pressure on my lower back and someone pulling down my jeans. I started flailing and screaming then. They kicked me a lot more and cut my shoulder from my flailing. I think that scared them – they weren’t really planning on hurting me. I got an arm free and grabbed the knife by the blade. I remember it stinging and thinking “YES”. It was more of a “I’m still alive” than a “yes, I can hurt these guys”. I managed to wrestle the knife away from the guy holding my hair and tried to stab him. I felt some pain in my back (which later turned out to be stab wounds).

What they don’t tell you in movies is how hard it is to stab someone. I think I tried to stab his legs, his arms, stomach, anything I could reach. I couldn’t fully get it in but I knew he was hurting because he kept screaming. I think when I realized I had done something was when I felt the knife slide in and the other guys yelling and running. When there was no more pressure on me I looked up and saw that I had managed to stab the guy in the eye. He stopped moving and just fell. I don’t know if he was dead then – I want to imagine it was the shock that caused him to pass out. I started screaming and crying and yelling. I think I passed out too. I remember waking up to sirens and going to the hospital. I had multiple stab wounds and had to go through intensive surgery. I also had 3 broken ribs, a fuck ton of fractured bones and all that fun stuff.

A couple days later the detectives on my case told me that the guy didn’t make it and that they were sorry his shitty ass couldn’t rot in prison. I just remember thinking “Good, I hope he rots in hell.”

—deleted

Attempted carjacking by two “refugee” fucks in the wake of a massive natural disaster. Far enough away to avoid being completely destroyed, but close enough that practically all law enforcement and EMS were sent out of the area to assist in the worst spots. Rather unscrupulous individuals took advantage of this. Waves of people fleeing the worst of it, no electricity, awful heat, break-ins, theft, rapes, lady down the street found with her head stove in; pleasant time.

Made a run into town to obtain some supplies, and was hauling gas and food back to the house in a pickup. Probably should have covered the bed, but in any case, got jumped at a stop sign by two guys, one with a machete and the other with what looked like a HiPoint handgun. Both waving their weapons about and screaming “Get the fuck out of the car” and related pleasantries.

Fortunately, the Glock was right in the door. Felt like time slowed down, remember seeing the gunman’s eyes widen at the sight of it. Shot the gunman in the stomach and chest and hit the other in the chin. Bled way more than a deer would, the teeth were a rather unpleasant sight, and they never really mention people shitting or pissing themselves on death in the movies. Machete died extremely fast, gunman curled up and was making some kind of noises (gunshots had fucked up hearing). Took ages for the deputies and EMS to show up, with the gunman dying shortly afterward. Cut and dried affair legally speaking, deemed clear case of a justified shooting.

Didn’t exactly shed any tears over them. When you attack someone, that is an outcome you can expect. Been more on my guard in the years since, and had random adrenaline rushes and unprovoked feelings of extreme danger present for a few weeks afterwards.

—DGUthrowaway1

About 11 years ago (late 1999) I was jumped by two guys at a small park in Whitney, WA. It was 8:45 – 9:00 PM, I had just gotten off of work and was going to run a few laps to burn off some excess energy. The sun was just about set as it was summer time, but there was a little bit of natural light left. The park was located on top of a plateau-type land formation and there was only two ways in or out — the road leading up and a small dirt trail at the opposite end of the park. I had been there for about 15 or 20 minutes when I realized that I not only was being watched by two men, I was being ‘herded’ into a corner away from both exits.

Initially, I told myself I was being paranoid. I picked up my pace in the direction of the dirt path and that’s when one of the guys started running at me and I knew shit was really going down. I started running full tilt toward the dirt path at the end of the park. Unfortunately, he had a good angle on me and slammed into my hip/lower body and took me to the ground. At this point, my memory gets very hazy. The first guy who got to me was unarmed — we struggled on the ground for a few moments (years). One thing I remember specifically about this moment was that when you’re in a life or death situation all bets are off — I was scratching his face and gouging at his eyes and pulling his hair and was basically just going ape shit to get away. Shortly after getting tackled, the second guy arrived and he WAS armed with a knife. I was still struggling with the first guy when I was first stabbed (total of 3 times) in the right thigh. I’m not sure if didn’t want to kill me or if he had poor aim, but I was fortunate I was not stabbed in the throat or stomach.

The third time I was stabbed I thrashed and my second assailant lost hold of the knife. I picked it up on impulse and hit him with the butt of the knife in the temple repeatedly until he stopped moving. To be honest, my memory of actually ending his life is almost non-existent. It happened very quickly. His ‘buddy’ booked it after his companion went down and I was left at the park with 3 serious stab wounds and a body (this was before I had a cell phone). It was the two hours it took for me to get help that have stuck with me over the years. I remember being so so so scared that I was going to jail, being so so so scared the other guys was coming back, and overall just being so so so fucking scared.

At the end of the day, I don’t regret what I did. I was not only threatened, I was actually attacked and wounded. I simply defended myself to the best of my abilities. The long term damage mostly has to do with paranoia in concerns to be followed and watched.

—tea_train

My parents went out for date night when I was 10. Got me a babysitter from the neighborhood who was 14 or 15. He’d been my babysitter a few times before. I always wanted an older brother. Both my parents worked and my brother is 7 years younger than me, so I never got to have much playtime. He and I would play video games, play with lego, stuff like that. It was a lot of fun.

This night he tried to molest me. He got on top of me and started touching me. He wasn’t much bigger than me so I was able to get away. We were in the TV room and I ran to my room on the other side of the house. I got my baseball bat and hid behind the door. When he came in I hit him in the knees and he fell down. I just kept hitting him on the ground. Don’t know how long. Eventually I ran away and called the police and told them to come over. I remember being really scared that he was going to get up and chase after me when I was making the call. Once the call was done and I went over to watch him I realized he was dead. His face was all mushed up and bleeding but he still looked surprised.

Not really recovered psychologically. I try not to think about it too much. I think about it a lot.

—hailfishscale

Someone tried to rob me with a knife. I was on my way home from my shitty job at college where I got paid under the table. It was Friday and I was walking the three blocks to my house with a wad of cash in my pocket that I needed. He stepped out and waved the knife and told me to empty my pockets. My immediate thought was Fuck no you junkie. My second thought was the words of my friend, a black belt in kyokushin karate, “If you get in a knife fight don’t be afraid to get cut. It’s gonna happen anyway, just don’t let it be bad.” We were half joking when he said that. When was I ever gonna get into a knife fight?

I said “No” to emptying my pockets. He stepped forward brandishing the knife. So I threw all 230lbs of myself at this spindly man that should probably weigh 170-ish but was instead closer to 140 lbs. I did get stabbed. Honestly, with my adrenaline running I hardly felt it. It felt like a hard punch at first. I eventually tackled him, and from on top slammed his head into the sidewalk once and he went limp.

He was still alive at the time, if unconscious. The problem was actually that he actually started a brain hemorrhage (or some sort of brain bleeding) and died after reaching the hospital.

Anyway, right after he went limp and I started to calm down a bit did I realize that my side hurt really fucking bad. Far more pain than I remember ever feeling. That was when I noticed I had been stabbed. Which was weird, because I remember that when I took the slash on my arm it hurt really bad the second it happened. Anyway, I also had a trip to the hospital.

—deleted

I got carjacked almost 25 years ago in Newport News, VA when it was all the rage in certain shithole eastern US cities. Instead of just shooting me with the little semi the guy had, he had me drive him to a couple of crack houses (also all the rage 25 years ago). Dragged my ass inside to two or three, used cash he made me pull out of an ATM to buy for him, back in the car for another go around.

Seems like this went on all night, but it was probably only an hour or two. Regardless, at some point the guy started to bug out and wasn’t paying attention to me when we got back in the car for round number whatever. My tire iron was under the front seat of my car, and I flat out smashed his face in with it. Heard bone break, blood all over, the whole nasty deal. Pushed him out the door and drove home.

Honestly, I puked a bunch, got shitfaced drunk, puked some more, raged quite a bit, and then passed out. Never called the cops, never got questioned, and talked about it with only a couple of friends. Since maybe the first couple of days, when the adrenaline come-down felt like it was going to kill me, I haven’t though that much about it. It’s possible I didn’t kill him, although I doubt it and always assumed he died.

Sounds weird, but I haven’t lost much sleep over it either. I’m fairly certain he would have killed me if I hadn’t hit him. Anyhow, it lurks in the back of my thoughts, and if nothing else I know that I could kill someone if necessary, because I certainly tried to kill that guy, and to the best of my knowledge I did.

—SD_Killer

Via

#Creepy #Creepy Catalog #Reddit #True Crime

4 notes · View notes

sadddbreakfast-blog · 5 years

Text

Something about Cleveland man...

Again I am writing this hoping that my dog will go to bed. Right now he is starring at me and kinda making a fussing sound but hopefully he will calm down soon. But while he is trying to settle down, I can tell you a story about an experience that I had and how it kinda, but not really, relates to a recent news story. So I’m sure that most people by now have heard about the missing college student in Utah. Basically what happened in a nut shell is that she met some dude up at 3am (that I believe she met through some dating app?) and they drove off in a car together. That was the last time anyone saw her but what happens is that he kills her and burns her body in his backyard. So after word gets out about a missing college student, some of his neighbors report to the police that this guy was burning something in his back yard that had a horrible smell. There was also a handyman that reported to the police about how this guy asked him to build a soundproof room with hooks in it. So long story short, the police arrest this creepy guy and he is more than likely going to be tried for the murder of this college girl (unless some weird thing happens were the charges are pulled).

The article I read today was saying that her friends from college are speaking out against people who are saying that this girl deserved what happened to her. And my first reaction was “wow, those are some sick people in this world of ours”. Like who fucking says that about some poor young girl who got murder by a creepy guy. It wasn’t her fault that some guy decide that he was going to prey upon and murder a young girl. SHE DIDN’T DESERVE THAT. Now I know most people’s defense to this is that “WeLl ShE sHoUlD hAvE kNoWn BeTteR tHaN tO mEeT sOmE dUdE oFf SoMe ApP aT 3am”. Now grant you there are precautions you have to take when meeting somebody off social media or a dating app and I will get to that later on in this post but still SHE DIDN’T DESERVE that some guy decided to murder her. WE do not know what was going on in this girls mind, mentally if she was in a very insecure place and was just looking for someone to talk to that was of the opposite sex. Or if there were other things going on in her life that were going on were she was in a very venerable state. WE don’t know. And we will never know what was going on in her mind when she decided to meet this guy.

Now I will tell you a story about a time when I was in a venerable state and could have been in a situation like this girl. Back when i was going to college in Ohio, I decided that it was a GENIUS idea to stay on campus for Thanksgiving and not to travel back home to iaintfuckingtellingyouwhereiamfrom. So I told my best friend and her sister this and they decided to fly up and spend Thanksgiving with me in Ohio. I cannot tell you how excited I was to see them because I was finally able to be around people who I felt comfortable with. So they fly up and we stayed a few days on campus. Then we conclude that it would be awesome to drive to Cleveland and spend the rest of their time there. So we packed up our shit, booked the hotel, and set off to Cleveland. So we do some cool shit there blah blah blah fast forward to Wednesday night. We’re bored, there is nothing else better to do so my best friend sees that there is a show going on at the House of Blues and we decide to go. I showed up a little late because of FUCKING HOMEWORK (seriously what psychopath gives homework over Thanksgiving break). So I get there and order something to drink while my friends have already got a head start on that. I think I ordered about 5 different drink till I found one that I was in the mood for (which was a long island ice tea) while passing off my rejected drink to my best friend’s sister. So I start hammering down the long islands like it was fucking sweet tea while my best friend was pounding down the PBR. Anyway, WE.ARE.HAMMERED. All of us. So while in our best cognitive state, we meet a group of guy and start talking to them while this fucking EDM show is going on in the background (usually we would never be caught dead at an EDM show, just not our style).

Shows over. Me, my friends and the guys that we meet all head out of the venue. Still all of us fucked up but are still willing to drink MORE (alcohol. hell of a drug). The guys start talking about how they are down to drink more. Fucking Sweet, sounds good to us. Their uber XL arrives to pick them up and they head into the uber. AND THEN WE GET INTO THE UBER AS WELL. No idea where its going. No idea who the fuck these guys are. We just got in. LA DE DA nothing ever happens to college girls like us. So the uber pulls up to their house and we all get out and GO INSIDE THIER FUCKING HOUSE. Obviously no RED FLAGS are popping up in our dopamine saturated brains. We just chill in their house for God knows how long because time stands still when I am fucked. After a good while, I start sobering up and start to analyze the situation that the three of us are in. And then it finally hits me…WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING HERE!!! There is the RED FLAG my sober brain has been looking for. The same time that hits me I look up and my best friends has the same exact look on her face that I do. With what I could only describe as telepathic communication, we both agree that weneedtogetthefuckoutofhere and that I should call an uber to get us the FUCK OUTTA HERE. Our uber gets there, all three of us get into the car and we head back to our hotel. It was just a long moment of silence the whole car ride back to the hotel. I think the three of us were all on the same page which was HOLY FUCK.

Now I will be the first one to tell you that me being in that situation was complete my fault. Being that drunk and allowing myself to place me and my friends in that kind of situation, thats on me 100%. Because I know better than to do that and yet I still did it. Luckily for us, the guys were not trying to do anything weird with us, they were just wanting to party a little more after the concert (or whatever the fuck that was). But thats not to say that if I get into that situation again everything will end up okay like this one did. We could have easily fallen into the wrong hands that night and ended up as an episode on dateline investigations. But if that happened that night and we ended up dead, we wouldn’t have DESERVED what had happened to us. That is just fucked up in every way possible to say that someone deserved something horrible happening to them.

What needs to be said in response to what happened to this poor girl, is to teach girl (and guys) to have precautions about meeting people you have never met before or barley know. Don’t get into cars with people you barley know. Don’t put yourself in a situation you can escape from with people you barley know. Be smart about meeting up with people from dating apps or social media. If you do, have a group of friends with you and meet up in a public place. Don’t go off on your own with this new person. And don’t meet up with them alone EVER! If your in a tough place in your life and need to have someone to talk to about it, go to your family or friends that care about you. If you can’t go to them, go to a counselor. Its not embarrassing to go to counseling to talk about your problems. More people do it than you realize.

All in all, be safe and know that someone who cares about you is always there for you.

SAd

#personal ramblings #personal blog #blogging #blog post #diary #holy fuuuuuck

0 notes

cyberdelusionphilosopher-blog · 6 years

Text

Kalona Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 52247

"Kalona Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 52247

Kalona Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 52247

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://salecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr