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Exhibit 1 — The Comedy of Errors:

ACT 1

Scene 1

Enter ⌜Solinus⌝ the Duke of Ephesus, with ⌜Egeon⌝ the Merchant of Syracuse, Jailer, and other Attendants.

EGEON Proceed, Solinus, to procure my fall, And by the doom of death end woes and all. DUKE Merchant of Syracusa, plead no more. I am not partial to infringe our laws. 5 The enmity and discord which of late Sprung from the rancorous outrage of your duke To merchants, our well-dealing countrymen, Who, wanting guilders to redeem their lives, Have sealed his rigorous statutes with their bloods, 10 Excludes all pity from our threat’ning looks. For since the mortal and intestine jars ’Twixt thy seditious countrymen and us, It hath in solemn synods been decreed, Both by the Syracusians and ourselves, 15 To admit no traffic to our adverse towns. Nay, more, if any born at Ephesus Be seen at Syracusian marts and fairs; Again, if any Syracusian born Come to the bay of Ephesus, he dies, 20 His goods confiscate to the Duke’s dispose,

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Unless a thousand marks be levièd To quit the penalty and to ransom him. Thy substance, valued at the highest rate, Cannot amount unto a hundred marks; 25 Therefore by law thou art condemned to die. EGEON Yet this my comfort: when your words are done, My woes end likewise with the evening sun. DUKE Well, Syracusian, say in brief the cause Why thou departedst from thy native home 30 And for what cause thou cam’st to Ephesus. EGEON A heavier task could not have been imposed Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable; Yet, that the world may witness that my end Was wrought by nature, not by vile offense, 35 I’ll utter what my sorrow gives me leave. In Syracusa was I born, and wed Unto a woman happy but for me, And by me, had not our hap been bad. With her I lived in joy. Our wealth increased 40 By prosperous voyages I often made To Epidamium, till my factor’s death And ⌜the⌝ great care of goods at random left Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse; From whom my absence was not six months old 45 Before herself—almost at fainting under The pleasing punishment that women bear— Had made provision for her following me And soon and safe arrivèd where I was. There had she not been long but she became 50 A joyful mother of two goodly sons, And, which was strange, the one so like the other As could not be distinguished but by names.

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That very hour, and in the selfsame inn, A mean woman was deliverèd 55 Of such a burden, male twins, both alike. Those, for their parents were exceeding poor, I bought and brought up to attend my sons. My wife, not meanly proud of two such boys, Made daily motions for our home return. 60 Unwilling, I agreed. Alas, too soon We came aboard. A league from Epidamium had we sailed Before the always-wind-obeying deep Gave any tragic instance of our harm; 65 But longer did we not retain much hope, For what obscurèd light the heavens did grant Did but convey unto our fearful minds A doubtful warrant of immediate death, Which though myself would gladly have embraced, 70 Yet the incessant weepings of my wife, Weeping before for what she saw must come, And piteous plainings of the pretty babes, That mourned for fashion, ignorant what to fear, Forced me to seek delays for them and me. 75 And this it was, for other means was none: The sailors sought for safety by our boat And left the ship, then sinking-ripe, to us. My wife, more careful for the latter-born, Had fastened him unto a small spare mast, 80 Such as seafaring men provide for storms. To him one of the other twins was bound, Whilst I had been like heedful of the other. The children thus disposed, my wife and I, Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fixed, 85 Fastened ourselves at either end the mast And, floating straight, obedient to the stream, Was carried towards Corinth, as we thought.

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At length the sun, gazing upon the earth, Dispersed those vapors that offended us, 90 And by the benefit of his wished light The seas waxed calm, and we discoverèd Two ships from far, making amain to us, Of Corinth that, of Epidaurus this. But ere they came—O, let me say no more! 95 Gather the sequel by that went before. DUKE Nay, forward, old man. Do not break off so, For we may pity though not pardon thee. EGEON O, had the gods done so, I had not now Worthily termed them merciless to us. 100 For, ere the ships could meet by twice five leagues, We were encountered by a mighty rock, Which being violently borne ⌜upon,⌝ Our helpful ship was splitted in the midst; So that, in this unjust divorce of us, 105 Fortune had left to both of us alike What to delight in, what to sorrow for. Her part, poor soul, seeming as burdenèd With lesser weight, but not with lesser woe, Was carried with more speed before the wind, 110 And in our sight they three were taken up By fishermen of Corinth, as we thought. At length, another ship had seized on us And, knowing whom it was their hap to save, Gave healthful welcome to their shipwracked guests, 115 And would have reft the fishers of their prey Had not their ⌜bark⌝ been very slow of sail; And therefore homeward did they bend their course. Thus have you heard me severed from my bliss, That by misfortunes was my life prolonged 120 To tell sad stories of my own mishaps.

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DUKE And for the sake of them thou sorrowest for, Do me the favor to dilate at full What have befall’n of them and ⌜thee⌝ till now. EGEON My youngest boy, and yet my eldest care, 125 At eighteen years became inquisitive After his brother, and importuned me That his attendant—so his case was like, Reft of his brother, but retained his name— Might bear him company in the quest of him, 130 Whom whilst I labored of a love to see, I hazarded the loss of whom I loved. Five summers have I spent in farthest Greece, Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia, And, coasting homeward, came to Ephesus, 135 Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought Or that or any place that harbors men. But here must end the story of my life; And happy were I in my timely death Could all my travels warrant me they live. DUKE 140 Hapless Egeon, whom the fates have marked To bear the extremity of dire mishap, Now, trust me, were it not against our laws, Against my crown, my oath, my dignity, Which princes, would they, may not disannul, 145 My soul should sue as advocate for thee. But though thou art adjudgèd to the death, And passèd sentence may not be recalled But to our honor’s great disparagement, Yet will I favor thee in what I can. 150 Therefore, merchant, I’ll limit thee this day To seek thy ⌜life⌝ by beneficial help. Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus; Beg thou, or borrow, to make up the sum,

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And live. If no, then thou art doomed to die.— 155 Jailer, take him to thy custody. JAILER I will, my lord. EGEON Hopeless and helpless doth Egeon wend, But to procrastinate his lifeless end. They exit.

⌜Scene 2⌝

Enter Antipholus ⌜of Syracuse, First⌝ Merchant, and Dromio ⌜of Syracuse.⌝

⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT Therefore give out you are of Epidamium, Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate. This very day a Syracusian merchant Is apprehended for arrival here 5 And, not being able to buy out his life, According to the statute of the town Dies ere the weary sun set in the west. There is your money that I had to keep. ⌜He gives money.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, handing money to Dromio⌝ Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host, 10 And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee. Within this hour it will be dinnertime. Till that, I’ll view the manners of the town, Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings, And then return and sleep within mine inn, 15 For with long travel I am stiff and weary. Get thee away. DROMIO ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Many a man would take you at your word And go indeed, having so good a mean. Dromio ⌜of Syracuse⌝ exits.

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ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ A trusty villain, sir, that very oft, 20 When I am dull with care and melancholy, Lightens my humor with his merry jests. What, will you walk with me about the town And then go to my inn and dine with me? ⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT I am invited, sir, to certain merchants, 25 Of whom I hope to make much benefit. I crave your pardon. Soon at five o’clock, Please you, I’ll meet with you upon the mart And afterward consort you till bedtime. My present business calls me from you now. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 30 Farewell till then. I will go lose myself And wander up and down to view the city. ⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT Sir, I commend you to your own content.⌜He exits.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ He that commends me to mine own content Commends me to the thing I cannot get. 35 I to the world am like a drop of water That in the ocean seeks another drop, Who, falling there to find his fellow forth, Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself. So I, to find a mother and a brother, 40 In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.

Enter Dromio of Ephesus.

Here comes the almanac of my true date.— What now? How chance thou art returned so soon? DROMIO OF EPHESUS Returned so soon? Rather approached too late! The capon burns; the pig falls from the spit; 45 The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell; My mistress made it one upon my cheek.

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She is so hot because the meat is cold; The meat is cold because you come not home; You come not home because you have no stomach; 50 You have no stomach, having broke your fast. But we that know what ’tis to fast and pray Are penitent for your default today. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Stop in your wind, sir. Tell me this, I pray: Where have you left the money that I gave you? DROMIO OF EPHESUS 55 O, sixpence that I had o’ Wednesday last To pay the saddler for my mistress’ crupper? The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ I am not in a sportive humor now. Tell me, and dally not: where is the money? 60 We being strangers here, how dar’st thou trust So great a charge from thine own custody? DROMIO OF EPHESUS I pray you, jest, sir, as you sit at dinner. I from my mistress come to you in post; If I return, I shall be post indeed, 65 For she will scour your fault upon my pate. Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your ⌜clock,⌝ And strike you home without a messenger. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season. 70 Reserve them till a merrier hour than this. Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee? DROMIO OF EPHESUS To me, sir? Why, you gave no gold to me! ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness, And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.

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DROMIO OF EPHESUS 75 My charge was but to fetch you from the mart Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner. My mistress and her sister stays for you. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Now, as I am a Christian, answer me In what safe place you have bestowed my money, 80 Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours That stands on tricks when I am undisposed. Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me? DROMIO OF EPHESUS I have some marks of yours upon my pate, Some of my mistress’ marks upon my shoulders, 85 But not a thousand marks between you both. If I should pay your Worship those again, Perchance you will not bear them patiently. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Thy mistress’ marks? What mistress, slave, hast thou? DROMIO OF EPHESUS 90 Your Worship’s wife, my mistress at the Phoenix, She that doth fast till you come home to dinner And prays that you will hie you home to dinner. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, beating Dromio⌝ What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face, Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave. DROMIO OF EPHESUS 95 What mean you, sir? For God’s sake, hold your hands. Nay, an you will not, sir, I’ll take my heels. Dromio ⌜of⌝ Ephesus exits. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Upon my life, by some device or other The villain is ⌜o’erraught⌝ of all my money. 100 They say this town is full of cozenage, As nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,

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Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind, Soul-killing witches that deform the body, Disguisèd cheaters, prating mountebanks, 105 And many suchlike liberties of sin. If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner. I’ll to the Centaur to go seek this slave. I greatly fear my money is not safe. He exits.

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ACT 2

⌜Scene 1⌝

Enter Adriana, wife to Antipholus ⌜of Ephesus,⌝ with Luciana, her sister.

ADRIANA Neither my husband nor the slave returned That in such haste I sent to seek his master? Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock. LUCIANA Perhaps some merchant hath invited him, 5 And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner. Good sister, let us dine, and never fret. A man is master of his liberty; Time is their master, and when they see time They’ll go or come. If so, be patient, sister. ADRIANA 10 Why should their liberty than ours be more? LUCIANA Because their business still lies out o’ door. ADRIANA Look when I serve him so, he takes it ⌜ill.⌝ LUCIANA O, know he is the bridle of your will. ADRIANA There’s none but asses will be bridled so. LUCIANA 15 Why, headstrong liberty is lashed with woe.

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There’s nothing situate under heaven’s eye But hath his bound in earth, in sea, in sky. The beasts, the fishes, and the wingèd fowls Are their males’ subjects and at their controls. 20 Man, more divine, the master of all these, Lord of the wide world and wild wat’ry seas, Endued with intellectual sense and souls, Of more preeminence than fish and fowls, Are masters to their females, and their lords. 25 Then let your will attend on their accords. ADRIANA This servitude makes you to keep unwed. LUCIANA Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed. ADRIANA But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway. LUCIANA Ere I learn love, I’ll practice to obey. ADRIANA 30 How if your husband start some otherwhere? LUCIANA Till he come home again, I would forbear. ADRIANA Patience unmoved! No marvel though she pause; They can be meek that have no other cause. A wretched soul bruised with adversity 35 We bid be quiet when we hear it cry, But were we burdened with like weight of pain, As much or more we should ourselves complain. So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee, With urging helpless patience would relieve me; 40 But if thou live to see like right bereft, This fool-begged patience in thee will be left. LUCIANA Well, I will marry one day, but to try. Here comes your man. Now is your husband nigh.

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Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Ephesus.

ADRIANA Say, is your tardy master now at hand? DROMIO OF EPHESUS 45Nay, he’s at two hands with me, and that my two ears can witness. ADRIANA Say, didst thou speak with him? Know’st thou his mind? DROMIO OF EPHESUS Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear. 50 Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it. LUCIANA Spake he so doubtfully thou couldst not feel his meaning? DROMIO OF EPHESUS Nay, he struck so plainly I could too well feel his blows, and withal so doubtfully 55 that I could scarce understand them. ADRIANA But say, I prithee, is he coming home? It seems he hath great care to please his wife. DROMIO OF EPHESUS Why, mistress, sure my master is horn mad. ADRIANA Horn mad, thou villain? DROMIO OF EPHESUS 60 I mean not cuckold mad, But sure he is stark mad. When I desired him to come home to dinner, He asked me for a ⌜thousand⌝ marks in gold. “’Tis dinnertime,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he. 65 “Your meat doth burn,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he. “Will you come?” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he. “Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?” “The pig,” quoth I, “is burned.” “My gold,” quoth 70 he.

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“My mistress, sir,” quoth I. “Hang up thy mistress! I know not thy mistress. Out on thy mistress!” LUCIANA Quoth who? DROMIO OF EPHESUS Quoth my master. 75 “I know,” quoth he, “no house, no wife, no mistress.” So that my errand, due unto my tongue, I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders, For, in conclusion, he did beat me there. ADRIANA 80 Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home. DROMIO OF EPHESUS Go back again and be new beaten home? For God’s sake, send some other messenger. ADRIANA Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across. DROMIO OF EPHESUS And he will bless that cross with other beating. 85 Between you, I shall have a holy head. ADRIANA Hence, prating peasant. Fetch thy master home. DROMIO OF EPHESUS Am I so round with you as you with me, That like a football you do spurn me thus? You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither. 90 If I last in this service, you must case me in leather. ⌜He exits.⌝ LUCIANA Fie, how impatience loureth in your face. ADRIANA His company must do his minions grace, Whilst I at home starve for a merry look. Hath homely age th’ alluring beauty took 95 From my poor cheek? Then he hath wasted it. Are my discourses dull? Barren my wit? If voluble and sharp discourse be marred,

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Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard. Do their gay vestments his affections bait? 100 That’s not my fault; he’s master of my state. What ruins are in me that can be found By him not ruined? Then is he the ground Of my defeatures. My decayèd fair A sunny look of his would soon repair. 105 But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale And feeds from home. Poor I am but his stale. LUCIANA Self-harming jealousy, fie, beat it hence. ADRIANA Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense. I know his eye doth homage otherwhere, 110 Or else what lets it but he would be here? Sister, you know he promised me a chain. Would that alone o’ love he would detain, So he would keep fair quarter with his bed. I see the jewel best enamelèd 115 Will lose his beauty. Yet the gold bides still That others touch, and often touching will ⌜Wear⌝ gold; ⌜yet⌝ no man that hath a name By falsehood and corruption doth it shame. Since that my beauty cannot please his eye, 120 I’ll weep what’s left away, and weeping die. LUCIANA How many fond fools serve mad jealousy! ⌜They⌝ exit.

⌜Scene 2⌝

Enter Antipholus ⌜of Syracuse.⌝

ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up Safe at the Centaur, and the heedful slave

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Is wandered forth in care to seek me out. By computation and mine host’s report, 5 I could not speak with Dromio since at first I sent him from the mart. See, here he comes.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.

How now, sir? Is your merry humor altered? As you love strokes, so jest with me again. You know no Centaur? You received no gold? 10 Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner? My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad, That thus so madly thou didst answer me? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE What answer, sir? When spake I such a word? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Even now, even here, not half an hour since. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 15 I did not see you since you sent me hence, Home to the Centaur with the gold you gave me. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Villain, thou didst deny the gold’s receipt And told’st me of a mistress and a dinner, For which I hope thou felt’st I was displeased. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 20 I am glad to see you in this merry vein. What means this jest, I pray you, master, tell me? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth? Think’st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that and that. Beats Dromio. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Hold, sir, for God’s sake! Now your jest is earnest. 25 Upon what bargain do you give it me? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Because that I familiarly sometimes Do use you for my fool and chat with you,

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Your sauciness will jest upon my love And make a common of my serious hours. 30 When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport, But creep in crannies when he hides his beams. If you will jest with me, know my aspect, And fashion your demeanor to my looks, Or I will beat this method in your sconce. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 35“Sconce” call you it? So you would leave battering, I had rather have it a “head.” An you use these blows long, I must get a sconce for my head and ensconce it too, or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders. But I pray, sir, 40 why am I beaten? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Dost thou not know? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Nothing, sir, but that I am beaten. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Shall I tell you why? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 45Ay, sir, and wherefore, for they say every why hath a wherefore. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ “Why” first: for flouting me; and then “wherefore”: for urging it the second time to me. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 50 Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season, When in the “why” and the “wherefore” is neither rhyme nor reason? Well, sir, I thank you. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Thank me, sir, for what? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 55Marry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ I’ll make you amends next, to give you nothing for something. But say, sir, is it dinnertime? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 60No, sir, I think the meat wants that I have.

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ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ In good time, sir, what’s that? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Basting. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 65Well, sir, then ’twill be dry. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE If it be, sir, I pray you eat none of it. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Your reason? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Lest it make you choleric and 70 purchase me another dry basting. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Well, sir, learn to jest in good time. There’s a time for all things. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I durst have denied that before you were so choleric. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 75By what rule, sir? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald pate of Father Time himself. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Let’s hear it. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE There’s no time for a man to 80 recover his hair that grows bald by nature. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ May he not do it by fine and recovery? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Yes, to pay a fine for a periwig, and recover the lost hair of another man. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 85Why is Time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Because it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts, and what he hath scanted ⌜men⌝ in hair, he hath given them in wit. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 90Why, but there’s many a man hath more hair than wit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his hair. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Why, thou didst conclude 95 hairy men plain dealers without wit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE The plainer dealer, the sooner lost. Yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity.

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ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ For what reason? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE For two, and sound ones too. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 100Nay, not sound, I pray you. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Sure ones, then. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Certain ones, then. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 105Name them. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE The one, to save the money that he spends in ⌜tiring;⌝ the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ You would all this time 110 have proved there is no time for all things. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, and did, sir: namely, e’en no time to recover hair lost by nature. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ But your reason was not substantial why there is no time to recover. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 115Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald and therefore, to the world’s end, will have bald followers. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ I knew ’twould be a bald conclusion. But soft, who wafts us yonder?

Enter Adriana, ⌜beckoning them,⌝ and Luciana.

ADRIANA 120 Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown. Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects. I am not Adriana, nor thy wife. The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow That never words were music to thine ear, 125 That never object pleasing in thine eye, That never touch well welcome to thy hand, That never meat sweet-savored in thy taste, Unless I spake, or looked, or touched, or carved to thee. 130 How comes it now, my husband, O, how comes it

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That thou art then estrangèd from thyself? “Thyself” I call it, being strange to me, That, undividable, incorporate, Am better than thy dear self’s better part. 135 Ah, do not tear away thyself from me! For know, my love, as easy mayst thou fall A drop of water in the breaking gulf, And take unmingled thence that drop again Without addition or diminishing, 140 As take from me thyself and not me too. How dearly would it touch thee to the quick, Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious And that this body, consecrate to thee, By ruffian lust should be contaminate! 145 Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurn at me, And hurl the name of husband in my face, And tear the stained skin off my harlot brow, And from my false hand cut the wedding ring, And break it with a deep-divorcing vow? 150 I know thou canst, and therefore see thou do it. I am possessed with an adulterate blot; My blood is mingled with the crime of lust; For if we two be one, and thou play false, I do digest the poison of thy flesh, 155 Being strumpeted by thy contagion. Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed, I live distained, thou undishonorèd. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not. In Ephesus I am but two hours old, 160 As strange unto your town as to your talk, Who, every word by all my wit being scanned, Wants wit in all one word to understand. LUCIANA Fie, brother, how the world is changed with you!

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When were you wont to use my sister thus? 165 She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ By Dromio? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE By me? ADRIANA By thee; and this thou didst return from him: That he did buffet thee and, in his blows, 170 Denied my house for his, me for his wife. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman? What is the course and drift of your compact? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I, sir? I never saw her till this time. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Villain, thou liest, for even her very words 175 Didst thou deliver to me on the mart. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I never spake with her in all my life. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ How can she thus then call us by our names— Unless it be by inspiration? ADRIANA How ill agrees it with your gravity 180 To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave, Abetting him to thwart me in my mood. Be it my wrong you are from me exempt, But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt. Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine. ⌜She takes his arm.⌝ 185 Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine, Whose weakness, married to thy ⌜stronger⌝ state, Makes me with thy strength to communicate. If aught possess thee from me, it is dross, Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss, 190 Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion Infect thy sap and live on thy confusion.

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ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, aside⌝ To me she speaks; she moves me for her theme. What, was I married to her in my dream? Or sleep I now and think I hear all this? 195 What error drives our eyes and ears amiss? Until I know this sure uncertainty I’ll entertain the ⌜offered⌝ fallacy. LUCIANA Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner. ⌜He crosses himself.⌝ 200 This is the fairy land. O spite of spites! We talk with goblins, owls, and sprites. If we obey them not, this will ensue: They’ll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue. LUCIANA Why prat’st thou to thyself and answer’st not? 205 Dromio—thou, Dromio—thou snail, thou slug, thou sot. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I am transformèd, master, am I not? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ I think thou art in mind, and so am I. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Nay, master, both in mind and in my shape. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 210 Thou hast thine own form. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No, I am an ape. LUCIANA If thou art changed to aught, ’tis to an ass. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE ’Tis true. She rides me, and I long for grass. ’Tis so. I am an ass; else it could never be 215 But I should know her as well as she knows me.

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ADRIANA Come, come, no longer will I be a fool, To put the finger in the eye and weep Whilst man and master laughs my woes to scorn. Come, sir, to dinner.—Dromio, keep the gate.— 220 Husband, I’ll dine above with you today, And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks. ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Sirrah, if any ask you for your master, Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.— Come, sister.—Dromio, play the porter well. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, aside⌝ 225 Am I in Earth, in heaven, or in hell? Sleeping or waking, mad or well-advised? Known unto these, and to myself disguised! I’ll say as they say, and persever so, And in this mist at all adventures go. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 230 Master, shall I be porter at the gate? ADRIANA Ay, and let none enter, lest I break your pate. LUCIANA Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late. ⌜They exit.⌝

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ACT 3

Scene 1

Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, his man Dromio, Angelo the goldsmith, and Balthasar the merchant.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all; My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours. Say that I lingered with you at your shop To see the making of her carcanet, 5 And that tomorrow you will bring it home. But here’s a villain that would face me down He met me on the mart, and that I beat him And charged him with a thousand marks in gold, And that I did deny my wife and house.— 10 Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this? DROMIO OF EPHESUS Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know. That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to show; If the skin were parchment and the blows you gave 15 were ink, Your own handwriting would tell you what I think. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS I think thou art an ass. DROMIO OF EPHESUS Marry, so it doth appear By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.

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20 I should kick being kicked and, being at that pass, You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS You’re sad, Signior Balthasar. Pray God our cheer May answer my goodwill and your good welcome here. BALTHASAR 25 I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS O Signior Balthasar, either at flesh or fish A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish. BALTHASAR 30 Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but words. BALTHASAR Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 35 Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest. But though my cates be mean, take them in good part. Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.⌜He attempts to open the door.⌝ 40 But soft! My door is locked. ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Go, bid them let us in. DROMIO OF EPHESUS Maud, Bridget, Marian, Ciceley, Gillian, Ginn! DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝ Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch! Either get thee from the door or sit down at the 45 hatch.

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Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for such store When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door. DROMIO OF EPHESUS 50 What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝ Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on ’s feet. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Who talks within there? Ho, open the door. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝ 55 Right, sir, I’ll tell you when an you’ll tell me wherefore. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Wherefore? For my dinner. I have not dined today. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝ Nor today here you must not. Come again when you may. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 60 What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I owe? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝ The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio. DROMIO OF EPHESUS O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my 65 name! The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle blame. If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place, Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name, or 70 thy name for an ass.

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Enter Luce ⌜above, unseen by Antipholus of Ephesus and his company.⌝

LUCE What a coil is there, Dromio! Who are those at the gate? DROMIO OF EPHESUS Let my master in, Luce. LUCE Faith, no, he comes too late, 75 And so tell your master. DROMIO OF EPHESUS O Lord, I must laugh. Have at you with a proverb: shall I set in my staff? LUCE Have at you with another: that’s—When, can you tell? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝ 80 If thy name be called “Luce,” Luce, thou hast answered him well. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Luce⌝ Do you hear, you minion? You’ll let us in, I hope? LUCE I thought to have asked you. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝ And you said no. DROMIO OF EPHESUS 85 So, come help. Well struck! There was blow for blow. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Luce⌝ Thou baggage, let me in. LUCE Can you tell for whose sake? DROMIO OF EPHESUS Master, knock the door hard. LUCE 90 Let him knock till it ache. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down. ⌜He beats on the door.⌝

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LUCE What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?

Enter Adriana, ⌜above, unseen by Antipholus of Ephesus and his company.⌝

ADRIANA Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝ 95 By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Are you there, wife? You might have come before. ADRIANA Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door. ⌜Adriana and Luce exit.⌝ DROMIO OF EPHESUS If you went in pain, master, this knave would go 100 sore. ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝ Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome. We would fain have either. BALTHASAR In debating which was best, we shall part with neither. DROMIO OF EPHESUS 105 They stand at the door, master. Bid them welcome hither. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in. DROMIO OF EPHESUS You would say so, master, if your garments were 110 thin. Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in the cold.

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It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and sold. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 115 Go, fetch me something. I’ll break ope the gate. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝ Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s pate. DROMIO OF EPHESUS A man may break a word with ⌜you,⌝ sir, and words are but wind, 120 Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝ It seems thou want’st breaking. Out upon thee, hind! DROMIO OF EPHESUS Here’s too much “Out upon thee!” I pray thee, let me in. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝ 125 Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no fin. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Dromio of Ephesus⌝ Well, I’ll break in. Go, borrow me a crow. DROMIO OF EPHESUS A crow without feather? Master, mean you so? For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a 130 feather.— If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow together. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Go, get thee gone. Fetch me an iron crow. BALTHASAR Have patience, sir. O, let it not be so. 135 Herein you war against your reputation, And draw within the compass of suspect Th’ unviolated honor of your wife. Once this: your long experience of ⌜her⌝ wisdom,

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Her sober virtue, years, and modesty 140 Plead on ⌜her⌝ part some cause to you unknown. And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse Why at this time the doors are made against you. Be ruled by me; depart in patience, And let us to the Tiger all to dinner, 145 And about evening come yourself alone To know the reason of this strange restraint. If by strong hand you offer to break in Now in the stirring passage of the day, A vulgar comment will be made of it; 150 And that supposèd by the common rout Against your yet ungallèd estimation That may with foul intrusion enter in And dwell upon your grave when you are dead; For slander lives upon succession, 155 Forever housèd where it gets possession. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS You have prevailed. I will depart in quiet And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry. I know a wench of excellent discourse, Pretty and witty, wild and yet, too, gentle. 160 There will we dine. This woman that I mean, My wife—but, I protest, without desert— Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal; To her will we to dinner. ⌜To Angelo.⌝ Get you home And fetch the chain; by this, I know, ’tis made. 165 Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine, For there’s the house. That chain will I bestow— Be it for nothing but to spite my wife— Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste. Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me, 170 I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me. ANGELO I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense. They exit.

⌜Scene 2⌝

Enter ⌜Luciana⌝ with Antipholus of Syracuse.

⌜LUCIANA⌝ And may it be that you have quite forgot A husband’s office? Shall, Antipholus, Even in the spring of love thy love-springs rot? Shall love, in ⌜building,⌝ grow so ⌜ruinous?⌝ 5 If you did wed my sister for her wealth, Then for her wealth’s sake use her with more kindness. Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth — Muffle your false love with some show of 10 blindness. Let not my sister read it in your eye; Be not thy tongue thy own shame’s orator; Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty; Apparel vice like virtue’s harbinger. 15 Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted. Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint. Be secret-false. What need she be acquainted? What simple thief brags of his own ⌜attaint?⌝ ’Tis double wrong to truant with your bed 20 And let her read it in thy looks at board. Shame hath a bastard fame, well managèd; Ill deeds is doubled with an evil word. Alas, poor women, make us ⌜but⌝ believe, Being compact of credit, that you love us. 25 Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve; We in your motion turn, and you may move us.

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Then, gentle brother, get you in again. Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her ⌜wife.⌝ ’Tis holy sport to be a little vain 30 When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Sweet mistress—what your name is else I know not, Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine— Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not Than our Earth’s wonder, more than Earth divine. 35 Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak. Lay open to my earthy gross conceit, Smothered in errors, feeble, shallow, weak, The folded meaning of your words’ deceit. Against my soul’s pure truth why labor you 40 To make it wander in an unknown field? Are you a god? Would you create me new? Transform me, then, and to your power I’ll yield. But if that I am I, then well I know Your weeping sister is no wife of mine, 45 Nor to her bed no homage do I owe. Far more, far more, to you do I decline. O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note To drown me in thy ⌜sister’s⌝ flood of tears. Sing, Siren, for thyself, and I will dote. 50 Spread o’er the silver waves thy golden hairs, And as a ⌜bed⌝ I’ll take ⌜them⌝ and there lie, And in that glorious supposition think He gains by death that hath such means to die. Let love, being light, be drownèd if she sink. LUCIANA 55 What, are you mad that you do reason so? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Not mad, but mated—how, I do not know. LUCIANA It is a fault that springeth from your eye.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by. LUCIANA Gaze when you should, and that will clear your 60 sight. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night. LUCIANA Why call you me “love”? Call my sister so. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Thy sister’s sister. LUCIANA That’s my sister. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 65 No, It is thyself, mine own self’s better part, Mine eye’s clear eye, my dear heart’s dearer heart, My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope’s aim, My sole Earth’s heaven, and my heaven’s claim. LUCIANA 70 All this my sister is, or else should be. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Call thyself “sister,” sweet, for I am thee. Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life; Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife. Give me thy hand. LUCIANA 75 O soft, sir. Hold you still. I’ll fetch my sister to get her goodwill.She exits.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse, ⌜running.⌝

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Why, how now, Dromio. Where runn’st thou so fast? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Do you know me, sir? Am I 80 Dromio? Am I your man? Am I myself? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I am an ass, I am a woman’s man, and besides myself.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 85What woman’s man? And how besides thyself? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir, besides myself I am due to a woman, one that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 90What claim lays she to thee? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir, such claim as you would lay to your horse, and she would have me as a beast; not that I being a beast she would have me, but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays 95 claim to me. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What is she? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE A very reverend body, ay, such a one as a man may not speak of without he say “sir-reverence.” I have but lean luck in the match, 100 and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE How dost thou mean a “fat marriage”? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir, she’s the kitchen wench, and all grease, and I know not what use to 105 put her to but to make a lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I warrant her rags and the tallow in them will burn a Poland winter. If she lives till doomsday, she’ll burn a week longer than the whole world. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 110What complexion is she of? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Swart like my shoe, but her face nothing like so clean kept. For why? She sweats. A man may go overshoes in the grime of it. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE That’s a fault that water will 115 mend. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No, sir, ’tis in grain; Noah’s flood could not do it. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What’s her name? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Nell, sir, but her name ⌜and⌝

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120 three quarters—that’s an ell and three quarters— will not measure her from hip to hip. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Then she bears some breadth? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No longer from head to foot than 125 from hip to hip. She is spherical, like a globe. I could find out countries in her. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE In what part of her body stands Ireland? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir, in her buttocks. I 130 found it out by the bogs. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where Scotland? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I found it by the barrenness, hard in the palm of the hand. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where France? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 135In her forehead, armed and reverted, making war against her heir. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where England? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no whiteness in them. But I guess it 140 stood in her chin, by the salt rheum that ran between France and it. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where Spain? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Faith, I saw it not, but I felt it hot in her breath. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 145Where America, the Indies? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE O, sir, upon her nose, all o’erembellished with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain, who sent whole armadas of carracks to be 150 ballast at her nose. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE O, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude: this drudge or diviner laid claim to me,

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155 called me Dromio, swore I was assured to her, told me what privy marks I had about me, as the mark of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my left arm, that I, amazed, ran from her as a witch. 160 And, I think, if my breast had not been made of faith, and my heart of steel, She had transformed me to a curtal dog and made me turn i’ th’ wheel. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Go, hie thee presently. Post to the road. 165 An if the wind blow any way from shore, I will not harbor in this town tonight. If any bark put forth, come to the mart, Where I will walk till thou return to me. If everyone knows us, and we know none, 170 ’Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack, and be gone. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE As from a bear a man would run for life, So fly I from her that would be my wife.He exits. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE There’s none but witches do inhabit here, And therefore ’tis high time that I were hence. 175 She that doth call me husband, even my soul Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister, Possessed with such a gentle sovereign grace, Of such enchanting presence and discourse, Hath almost made me traitor to myself. 180 But lest myself be guilty to self wrong, I’ll stop mine ears against the mermaid’s song.

Enter Angelo with the chain.

ANGELO Master Antipholus. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Ay, that’s my name.

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ANGELO I know it well, sir. Lo, here’s the chain. 185 I thought to have ta’en you at the Porpentine; The chain unfinished made me stay thus long. ⌜He gives Antipholus a chain.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What is your will that I shall do with this? ANGELO What please yourself, sir. I have made it for you. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Made it for me, sir? I bespoke it not. ANGELO 190 Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have. Go home with it, and please your wife withal, And soon at supper time I’ll visit you And then receive my money for the chain. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE I pray you, sir, receive the money now, 195 For fear you ne’er see chain nor money more. ANGELO You are a merry man, sir. Fare you well.He exits. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What I should think of this I cannot tell, But this I think: there’s no man is so vain That would refuse so fair an offered chain. 200 I see a man here needs not live by shifts When in the streets he meets such golden gifts. I’ll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay. If any ship put out, then straight away. He exits.

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ACT 4

Scene 1

Enter a ⌜Second⌝ Merchant, ⌜Angelo the⌝ Goldsmith, and an Officer.

⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Angelo⌝ You know since Pentecost the sum is due, And since I have not much importuned you, Nor now I had not, but that I am bound To Persia and want guilders for my voyage. 5 Therefore make present satisfaction, Or I’ll attach you by this officer. ANGELO Even just the sum that I do owe to you Is growing to me by Antipholus. And in the instant that I met with you, 10 He had of me a chain. At five o’clock I shall receive the money for the same. Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house, I will discharge my bond and thank you too.

Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Ephesus ⌜and⌝ Dromio ⌜of Ephesus⌝ from the Courtesan’s.

OFFICER That labor may you save. See where he comes. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Dromio of Ephesus⌝ 15 While I go to the goldsmith’s house, go thou

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And buy a rope’s end. That will I bestow Among my wife and ⌜her⌝ confederates For locking me out of my doors by day. But soft. I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone. 20 Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me. DROMIO ⌜OF EPHESUS⌝ I buy a thousand pound a year! I buy a rope! Dromio exits. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Angelo⌝ A man is well holp up that trusts to you! I promisèd your presence and the chain, But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me. 25 Belike you thought our love would last too long If it were chained together, and therefore came not. ANGELO, ⌜handing a paper to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝ Saving your merry humor, here’s the note How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat, The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion, 30 Which doth amount to three-odd ducats more Than I stand debted to this gentleman. I pray you, see him presently discharged, For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS I am not furnished with the present money. 35 Besides, I have some business in the town. Good signior, take the stranger to my house, And with you take the chain, and bid my wife Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof. Perchance I will be there as soon as you. ANGELO 40 Then you will bring the chain to her yourself. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS No, bear it with you lest I come not time enough. ANGELO Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?

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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS An if I have not, sir, I hope you have, Or else you may return without your money. ANGELO 45 Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain. Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman, And I, to blame, have held him here too long. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Good Lord! You use this dalliance to excuse Your breach of promise to the Porpentine. 50 I should have chid you for not bringing it, But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Angelo⌝ The hour steals on. I pray you, sir, dispatch. ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝ You hear how he importunes me. The chain! ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money. ANGELO 55 Come, come. You know I gave it you even now. Either send the chain, or send ⌜by me⌝ some token. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Fie, now you run this humor out of breath. Come, where’s the chain? I pray you, let me see it. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT My business cannot brook this dalliance. 60 Good sir, say whe’er you’ll answer me or no. If not, I’ll leave him to the Officer. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS I answer you? What should I answer you? ANGELO The money that you owe me for the chain. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS I owe you none till I receive the chain. ANGELO 65 You know I gave it you half an hour since.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS You gave me none. You wrong me much to say so. ANGELO You wrong me more, sir, in denying it. Consider how it stands upon my credit. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT Well, officer, arrest him at my suit. OFFICER, ⌜to Angelo⌝ 70 I do, and charge you in the Duke’s name to obey me. ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝ This touches me in reputation. Either consent to pay this sum for me, Or I attach you by this officer. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 75 Consent to pay thee that I never had?— Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar’st. ANGELO, ⌜to Officer⌝ Here is thy fee. Arrest him, officer.⌜Giving money.⌝ I would not spare my brother in this case If he should scorn me so apparently. OFFICER, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝ 80 I do arrest you, sir. You hear the suit. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS I do obey thee till I give thee bail. ⌜To Angelo.⌝ But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear As all the metal in your shop will answer. ANGELO 85 Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus, To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse from the bay.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Master, there’s a bark of Epidamium That stays but till her owner comes aboard,

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And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir, 90 I have conveyed aboard, and I have bought The oil, the balsamum, and aqua vitae. The ship is in her trim; the merry wind Blows fair from land. They stay for naught at all But for their owner, master, and yourself. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 95 How now? A madman? Why, thou peevish sheep, What ship of Epidamium stays for me? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope And told thee to what purpose and what end. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 100 You sent me for a rope’s end as soon. You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS I will debate this matter at more leisure And teach your ears to list me with more heed. To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight. ⌜He gives a key.⌝ 105 Give her this key, and tell her in the desk That’s covered o’er with Turkish tapestry There is a purse of ducats. Let her send it. Tell her I am arrested in the street, And that shall bail me. Hie thee, slave. Begone.— 110 On, officer, to prison till it come. ⌜All but Dromio of Syracuse⌝ exit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE To Adriana. That is where we dined, Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband. She is too big, I hope, for me to compass. Thither I must, although against my will, 115 For servants must their masters’ minds fulfill. He exits.

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⌜Scene 2⌝

Enter Adriana and Luciana.

ADRIANA Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so? Might’st thou perceive austerely in his eye That he did plead in earnest, yea or no? Looked he or red or pale, or sad or merrily? 5 What observation mad’st thou in this case ⌜Of⌝ his heart’s meteors tilting in his face? LUCIANA First he denied you had in him no right. ADRIANA He meant he did me none; the more my spite. LUCIANA Then swore he that he was a stranger here. ADRIANA 10 And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were. LUCIANA Then pleaded I for you. ADRIANA And what said he? LUCIANA That love I begged for you he begged of me. ADRIANA With what persuasion did he tempt thy love? LUCIANA 15 With words that in an honest suit might move. First he did praise my beauty, then my speech. ADRIANA Did’st speak him fair? LUCIANA Have patience, I beseech. ADRIANA I cannot, nor I will not hold me still. 20 My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will. He is deformèd, crooked, old, and sere, Ill-faced, worse-bodied, shapeless everywhere,

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Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind, Stigmatical in making, worse in mind. LUCIANA 25 Who would be jealous, then, of such a one? No evil lost is wailed when it is gone. ADRIANA Ah, but I think him better than I say, And yet would herein others’ eyes were worse. Far from her nest the lapwing cries away. 30 My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse ⌜with the key.⌝

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Here, go—the desk, the purse! Sweet, now make haste. LUCIANA How hast thou lost thy breath? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 35 By running fast. ADRIANA Where is thy master, Dromio? Is he well? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No, he’s in Tartar limbo, worse than hell. A devil in an everlasting garment hath him, One whose hard heart is buttoned up with steel; 40 A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough; A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff; A backfriend, a shoulder clapper, one that countermands The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands; 45 A hound that runs counter and yet draws dryfoot well, One that before the judgment carries poor souls to hell. ADRIANA Why, man, what is the matter?

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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 50 I do not know the matter. He is ’rested on the case. ADRIANA What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I know not at whose suit he is arrested well, But is in a suit of buff which ’rested him; that can I tell. 55 Will you send him, mistress, redemption—the money in his desk? ADRIANA Go fetch it, sister. (Luciana exits.) This I wonder at, ⌜That⌝ he, unknown to me, should be in debt. Tell me, was he arrested on a band? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 60 Not on a band, but on a stronger thing: A chain, a chain. Do you not hear it ring? ADRIANA What, the chain? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No, no, the bell. ’Tis time that I were gone. It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes 65 one. ADRIANA The hours come back. That did I never hear. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE O yes, if any hour meet a sergeant, he turns back for very fear. ADRIANA As if time were in debt. How fondly dost thou 70 reason! DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Time is a very bankrout and owes more than he’s worth to season. Nay, he’s a thief too. Have you not heard men say That time comes stealing on by night and day?

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75 If ⌜he⌝ be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way, Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?

Enter Luciana, ⌜with the purse.⌝

ADRIANA Go, Dromio. There’s the money. Bear it straight, And bring thy master home immediately. ⌜Dromio exits.⌝ 80 Come, sister, I am pressed down with conceit: Conceit, my comfort and my injury. ⌜They⌝ exit.

⌜Scene 3⌝

Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Syracuse, ⌜wearing the chain.⌝

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me As if I were their well-acquainted friend, And everyone doth call me by my name. Some tender money to me; some invite me; 5 Some other give me thanks for kindnesses; Some offer me commodities to buy. Even now a tailor called me in his shop And showed me silks that he had bought for me, And therewithal took measure of my body. 10 Sure these are but imaginary wiles, And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse ⌜with the purse.⌝

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Master, here’s the gold you sent me for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam new-appareled? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 15 What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?

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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Not that Adam that kept the Paradise, but that Adam that keeps the prison; he that goes in the calf’s skin that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil 20 angel, and bid you forsake your liberty. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE I understand thee not. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No? Why, ’tis a plain case: he that went like a bass viol in a case of leather; the man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives 25 them a sob and ’rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a morris-pike. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What, thou mean’st an 30 officer? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band; he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed and says “God give you good rest.” ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 35Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any ships puts forth tonight? May we be gone? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the bark Expedition put forth tonight, 40 and then were you hindered by the sergeant to tarry for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to deliver you.⌜He gives the purse.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE The fellow is distract, and so am I, And here we wander in illusions. 45 Some blessèd power deliver us from hence!

Enter a Courtesan.

COURTESAN Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.

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I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now. Is that the chain you promised me today? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 50 Master, is this Mistress Satan? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE It is the devil. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Nay, she is worse; she is the devil’s dam, and here she comes in the habit of a light wench. And thereof comes that the wenches 55 say “God damn me”; that’s as much to say “God make me a light wench.” It is written they appear to men like angels of light. Light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn: ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her. COURTESAN 60 Your man and you are marvelous merry, sir. Will you go with me? We’ll mend our dinner here. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Master, if ⌜you⌝ do, expect spoon meat, or bespeak a long spoon. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Why, Dromio? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 65Marry, he must have a long spoon that must eat with the devil. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to the Courtesan⌝ Avoid then, fiend! What tell’st thou me of supping? Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress. I conjure thee to leave me and be gone. COURTESAN 70 Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised, And I’ll be gone, sir, and not trouble you. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Some devils ask but the parings of one’s nail, a rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, a 75 nut, a cherrystone; but she, more covetous, would have a chain. Master, be wise. An if you give it her, the devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.

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COURTESAN I pray you, sir, my ring or else the chain. I hope you do not mean to cheat me so. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 80 Avaunt, thou witch!—Come, Dromio, let us go. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE “Fly pride,” says the peacock. Mistress, that you know. ⌜Antipholus and Dromio⌝ exit. COURTESAN Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad; Else would he never so demean himself. 85 A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats, And for the same he promised me a chain. Both one and other he denies me now. The reason that I gather he is mad, Besides this present instance of his rage, 90 Is a mad tale he told today at dinner Of his own doors being shut against his entrance. Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits, On purpose shut the doors against his way. My way is now to hie home to his house 95 And tell his wife that, being lunatic, He rushed into my house and took perforce My ring away. This course I fittest choose, For forty ducats is too much to lose. ⌜She exits.⌝

⌜Scene 4⌝

Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Ephesus with a Jailer, ⌜the Officer.⌝

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Fear me not, man. I will not break away. I’ll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money, To warrant thee, as I am ’rested for. My wife is in a wayward mood today

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5 And will not lightly trust the messenger That I should be attached in Ephesus. I tell you, ’twill sound harshly in her ears.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Ephesus with a rope’s end.

Here comes my man. I think he brings the money. 10 How now, sir? Have you that I sent you for? DROMIO OF EPHESUS, ⌜handing over the rope’s end⌝ Here’s that, I warrant you, will pay them all. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS But where’s the money? DROMIO OF EPHESUS Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope? DROMIO OF EPHESUS 15 I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS To what end did I bid thee hie thee home? DROMIO OF EPHESUS To a rope’s end, sir, and to that end am I returned. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜beating Dromio⌝ And to that end, sir, I will welcome you. OFFICER 20Good sir, be patient. DROMIO OF EPHESUS Nay, ’tis for me to be patient. I am in adversity. OFFICER Good now, hold thy tongue. DROMIO OF EPHESUS Nay, rather persuade him to hold 25 his hands. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Thou whoreson, senseless villain. DROMIO OF EPHESUS I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 30Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.

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DROMIO OF EPHESUS I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long ears.—I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have 35 nothing at his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me with beating. I am waked with it when I sleep, raised with it when I sit, driven out of doors with it when I go from home, 40 welcomed home with it when I return. Nay, I bear it on my shoulders as a beggar wont her brat, and I think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.

Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan, and a Schoolmaster called Pinch.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Come, go along. My wife is coming yonder. DROMIO OF EPHESUS 45Mistress, respice finem, respect your end, or rather, the prophecy like the parrot, “Beware the rope’s end.” ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Wilt thou still talk? Beats Dromio. COURTESAN, ⌜to Adriana⌝ How say you now? Is not your husband mad? ADRIANA 50 His incivility confirms no less.— Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer; Establish him in his true sense again, And I will please you what you will demand. LUCIANA Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks! COURTESAN 55 Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy. PINCH, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝ Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜striking Pinch⌝ There is my hand, and let it feel your ear. PINCH I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man, To yield possession to my holy prayers, 60 And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight. I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Peace, doting wizard, peace. I am not mad. ADRIANA O, that thou wert not, poor distressèd soul! ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS You minion, you, are these your customers? 65 Did this companion with the saffron face Revel and feast it at my house today Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut And I denied to enter in my house? ADRIANA O husband, God doth know you dined at home, 70 Where would you had remained until this time, Free from these slanders and this open shame. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS “Dined at home”? ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Thou villain, what sayest thou? DROMIO OF EPHESUS Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 75 Were not my doors locked up and I shut out? DROMIO OF EPHESUS Perdie, your doors were locked, and you shut out. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS And did not she herself revile me there? DROMIO OF EPHESUS Sans fable, she herself reviled you there. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Did not her kitchen maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

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DROMIO OF EPHESUS 80 Certes, she did; the kitchen vestal scorned you. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS And did not I in rage depart from thence? DROMIO OF EPHESUS In verity you did.—My bones bears witness, That since have felt the vigor of his rage. ADRIANA, ⌜to Pinch⌝ Is ’t good to soothe him in these contraries? PINCH 85 It is no shame. The fellow finds his vein And, yielding to him, humors well his frenzy. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Adriana⌝ Thou hast suborned the goldsmith to arrest me. ADRIANA Alas, I sent you money to redeem you By Dromio here, who came in haste for it. DROMIO OF EPHESUS 90 Money by me? Heart and goodwill you might, But surely, master, not a rag of money. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Went’st not thou to her for a purse of ducats? ADRIANA He came to me, and I delivered it. LUCIANA And I am witness with her that she did. DROMIO OF EPHESUS 95 God and the rope-maker bear me witness That I was sent for nothing but a rope. PINCH Mistress, both man and master is possessed. I know it by their pale and deadly looks. They must be bound and laid in some dark room. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Adriana⌝ 100 Say wherefore didst thou lock me forth today.

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⌜To Dromio of Ephesus.⌝ And why dost thou deny the bag of gold? ADRIANA I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth. DROMIO OF EPHESUS And, gentle master, I received no gold. 105 But I confess, sir, that we were locked out. ADRIANA Dissembling villain, thou speak’st false in both. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all, And art confederate with a damnèd pack To make a loathsome abject scorn of me. 110 But with these nails I’ll pluck out these false eyes That would behold in me this shameful sport. ADRIANA O bind him, bind him! Let him not come near me.

Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives.

PINCH More company! The fiend is strong within him. LUCIANA Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks! ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 115 What, will you murder me?—Thou jailer, thou, I am thy prisoner. Wilt thou suffer them To make a rescue? OFFICER Masters, let him go. He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him. PINCH 120 Go, bind this man, for he is frantic too. ⌜Dromio is bound.⌝ ADRIANA, ⌜to Officer⌝ What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer? Hast thou delight to see a wretched man Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

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OFFICER He is my prisoner. If I let him go, 125 The debt he owes will be required of me. ADRIANA I will discharge thee ere I go from thee. Bear me forthwith unto his creditor, And knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.— Good Master Doctor, see him safe conveyed 130 Home to my house. O most unhappy day! ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS O most unhappy strumpet! DROMIO OF EPHESUS Master, I am here entered in bond for you. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Out on thee, villain! Wherefore dost thou mad me? DROMIO OF EPHESUS Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad, good 135 master. Cry “The devil!” LUCIANA God help poor souls! How idly do they talk! ADRIANA, ⌜to Pinch⌝ Go bear him hence. ⌜Pinch and his men⌝ exit ⌜with Antipholus and Dromio of Ephesus.⌝ Officer, Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan remain. Sister, go you with me. 140 ⌜To Officer.⌝ Say now whose suit is he arrested at. OFFICER One Angelo, a goldsmith. Do you know him? ADRIANA I know the man. What is the sum he owes? OFFICER Two hundred ducats. ADRIANA Say, how grows it due? OFFICER 145 Due for a chain your husband had of him.

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ADRIANA He did bespeak a chain for me but had it not. COURTESAN Whenas your husband all in rage today Came to my house and took away my ring, The ring I saw upon his finger now, 150 Straight after did I meet him with a chain. ADRIANA It may be so, but I did never see it.— Come, jailer, bring me where the goldsmith is. I long to know the truth hereof at large.

Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.

LUCIANA God for Thy mercy, they are loose again! ADRIANA 155 And come with naked swords. Let’s call more help To have them bound again. OFFICER Away! They’ll kill us. Run all out as fast as may be, frighted. ⌜Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse remain.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE I see these witches are afraid of swords. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE She that would be your wife now ran from you. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 160 Come to the Centaur. Fetch our stuff from thence. I long that we were safe and sound aboard. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Faith, stay here this night. They will surely do us no harm. You saw they speak us fair, give us gold. Methinks they are such a gentle 165 nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay here still, and turn witch.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE I will not stay tonight for all the town. Therefore, away, to get our stuff aboard. They exit.

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ACT 5

Scene 1

Enter the ⌜Second⌝ Merchant and ⌜Angelo⌝ the Goldsmith.

ANGELO I am sorry, sir, that I have hindered you, But I protest he had the chain of me, Though most dishonestly he doth deny it. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT How is the man esteemed here in the city? ANGELO 5 Of very reverend reputation, sir, Of credit infinite, highly beloved, Second to none that lives here in the city. His word might bear my wealth at any time. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT Speak softly. Yonder, as I think, he walks.

Enter Antipholus and Dromio ⌜of Syracuse⌝ again, ⌜Antipholus wearing the chain.⌝

ANGELO 10 ’Tis so, and that self chain about his neck Which he forswore most monstrously to have. Good sir, draw near to me. I’ll speak to him.— Signior Antipholus, I wonder much That you would put me to this shame and trouble, 15 And not without some scandal to yourself,

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With circumstance and oaths so to deny This chain, which now you wear so openly. Besides the charge, the shame, imprisonment, You have done wrong to this my honest friend, 20 Who, but for staying on our controversy, Had hoisted sail and put to sea today. This chain you had of me. Can you deny it? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ I think I had. I never did deny it. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 25 Who heard me to deny it or forswear it? ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT These ears of mine, thou know’st, did hear thee. Fie on thee, wretch. ’Tis pity that thou liv’st To walk where any honest men resort. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Thou art a villain to impeach me thus. 30 I’ll prove mine honor and mine honesty Against thee presently if thou dar’st stand. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.They draw.

Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan, and others.

ADRIANA Hold, hurt him not, for God’s sake. He is mad.— Some get within him; take his sword away. 35 Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house! DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Run, master, run. For God’s sake, take a house. This is some priory. In, or we are spoiled. ⌜Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse⌝ exit to the Priory.

Enter Lady Abbess.

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ABBESS Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither? ADRIANA To fetch my poor distracted husband hence. 40 Let us come in, that we may bind him fast And bear him home for his recovery. ANGELO I knew he was not in his perfect wits. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT I am sorry now that I did draw on him. ABBESS How long hath this possession held the man? ADRIANA 45 This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad, And much different from the man he was. But till this afternoon his passion Ne’er brake into extremity of rage. ABBESS Hath he not lost much wealth by wrack of sea? 50 Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye Strayed his affection in unlawful love, A sin prevailing much in youthful men Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing? Which of these sorrows is he subject to? ADRIANA 55 To none of these, except it be the last, Namely, some love that drew him oft from home. ABBESS You should for that have reprehended him. ADRIANA Why, so I did. ABBESS Ay, but not rough enough. ADRIANA 60 As roughly as my modesty would let me. ABBESS Haply in private.

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ADRIANA And in assemblies too. ABBESS Ay, but not enough. ADRIANA It was the copy of our conference. 65 In bed he slept not for my urging it; At board he fed not for my urging it. Alone, it was the subject of my theme; In company I often glancèd it. Still did I tell him it was vile and bad. ABBESS 70 And thereof came it that the man was mad. The venom clamors of a jealous woman Poisons more deadly than a mad dog’s tooth. It seems his sleeps were hindered by thy railing, And thereof comes it that his head is light. 75 Thou sayst his meat was sauced with thy upbraidings. Unquiet meals make ill digestions. Thereof the raging fire of fever bred, And what’s a fever but a fit of madness? 80 Thou sayest his sports were hindered by thy brawls. Sweet recreation barred, what doth ensue But moody and dull melancholy, Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair, And at her heels a huge infectious troop 85 Of pale distemperatures and foes to life? In food, in sport, and life-preserving rest To be disturbed would mad or man or beast. The consequence is, then, thy jealous fits Hath scared thy husband from the use of wits. LUCIANA 90 She never reprehended him but mildly When he demeaned himself rough, rude, and wildly.— Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?

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ADRIANA She did betray me to my own reproof.— 95 Good people, enter and lay hold on him. ABBESS No, not a creature enters in my house. ADRIANA Then let your servants bring my husband forth. ABBESS Neither. He took this place for sanctuary, And it shall privilege him from your hands 100 Till I have brought him to his wits again Or lose my labor in assaying it. ADRIANA I will attend my husband, be his nurse, Diet his sickness, for it is my office And will have no attorney but myself; 105 And therefore let me have him home with me. ABBESS Be patient, for I will not let him stir Till I have used the approvèd means I have, With wholesome syrups, drugs, and holy prayers, To make of him a formal man again. 110 It is a branch and parcel of mine oath, A charitable duty of my order. Therefore depart and leave him here with me. ADRIANA I will not hence and leave my husband here; And ill it doth beseem your holiness 115 To separate the husband and the wife. ABBESS Be quiet and depart. Thou shalt not have him. ⌜She exits.⌝ LUCIANA, ⌜to Adriana⌝ Complain unto the Duke of this indignity. ADRIANA Come, go. I will fall prostrate at his feet And never rise until my tears and prayers

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120 Have won his grace to come in person hither And take perforce my husband from the Abbess. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT By this, I think, the dial points at five. Anon, I’m sure, the Duke himself in person Comes this way to the melancholy vale, 125 The place of ⌜death⌝ and sorry execution Behind the ditches of the abbey here. ANGELO Upon what cause? ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT To see a reverend Syracusian merchant, Who put unluckily into this bay 130 Against the laws and statutes of this town, Beheaded publicly for his offense. ANGELO See where they come. We will behold his death. LUCIANA, ⌜to Adriana⌝ Kneel to the Duke before he pass the abbey.

Enter the Duke of Ephesus, and ⌜Egeon⌝ the Merchant of Syracuse, bare head, with the Headsman and other Officers.

DUKE Yet once again proclaim it publicly, 135 If any friend will pay the sum for him, He shall not die; so much we tender him. ADRIANA, ⌜kneeling⌝ Justice, most sacred duke, against the Abbess. DUKE She is a virtuous and a reverend lady. It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong. ADRIANA 140 May it please your Grace, Antipholus my husband, Who I made lord of me and all I had At your important letters, this ill day A most outrageous fit of madness took him,

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That desp’rately he hurried through the street, 145 With him his bondman, all as mad as he, Doing displeasure to the citizens By rushing in their houses, bearing thence Rings, jewels, anything his rage did like. Once did I get him bound and sent him home 150 Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went That here and there his fury had committed. Anon, I wot not by what strong escape, He broke from those that had the guard of him, And with his mad attendant and himself, 155 Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords, Met us again and, madly bent on us, Chased us away, till raising of more aid, We came again to bind them. Then they fled Into this abbey, whither we pursued them, 160 And here the Abbess shuts the gates on us And will not suffer us to fetch him out, Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence. Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command Let him be brought forth and borne hence for help. DUKE 165 Long since, thy husband served me in my wars, And I to thee engaged a prince’s word, When thou didst make him master of thy bed, To do him all the grace and good I could. Go, some of you, knock at the abbey gate, 170 And bid the Lady Abbess come to me. I will determine this before I stir.⌜Adriana rises.⌝

Enter a Messenger.

⌜MESSENGER⌝ O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself. My master and his man are both broke loose, Beaten the maids a-row, and bound the doctor,

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175 Whose beard they have singed off with brands of fire, And ever as it blazed they threw on him Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair. My master preaches patience to him, and the while 180 His man with scissors nicks him like a fool; And sure, unless you send some present help, Between them they will kill the conjurer. ADRIANA Peace, fool. Thy master and his man are here, And that is false thou dost report to us. MESSENGER 185 Mistress, upon my life I tell you true. I have not breathed almost since I did see it. He cries for you and vows, if he can take you, To scorch your face and to disfigure you.Cry within. Hark, hark, I hear him, mistress. Fly, begone! DUKE 190 Come, stand by me. Fear nothing.—Guard with halberds.

Enter Antipholus and Dromio of Ephesus.

ADRIANA Ay me, it is my husband. Witness you That he is borne about invisible. Even now we housed him in the abbey here, 195 And now he’s there, past thought of human reason. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Justice, most gracious duke. O, grant me justice, Even for the service that long since I did thee When I bestrid thee in the wars and took Deep scars to save thy life. Even for the blood 200 That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice. EGEON, ⌜aside⌝ Unless the fear of death doth make me dote, I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.

p. 145

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there, She whom thou gav’st to me to be my wife, 205 That hath abusèd and dishonored me Even in the strength and height of injury. Beyond imagination is the wrong That she this day hath shameless thrown on me. DUKE Discover how, and thou shalt find me just. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 210 This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me While she with harlots feasted in my house. DUKE A grievous fault.—Say, woman, didst thou so? ADRIANA No, my good lord. Myself, he, and my sister Today did dine together. So befall my soul 215 As this is false he burdens me withal. LUCIANA Ne’er may I look on day nor sleep on night But she tells to your Highness simple truth. ANGELO O perjured woman!—They are both forsworn. In this the madman justly chargeth them. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 220 My liege, I am advisèd what I say, Neither disturbed with the effect of wine, Nor heady-rash provoked with raging ire, Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad. This woman locked me out this day from dinner. 225 That goldsmith there, were he not packed with her, Could witness it, for he was with me then, Who parted with me to go fetch a chain, Promising to bring it to the Porpentine, Where Balthasar and I did dine together. 230 Our dinner done and he not coming thither,

p. 147

I went to seek him. In the street I met him, And in his company that gentleman. ⌜He points to Second Merchant.⌝ There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down That I this day of him received the chain, 235 Which, God He knows, I saw not; for the which He did arrest me with an officer. I did obey and sent my peasant home For certain ducats. He with none returned. Then fairly I bespoke the officer 240 To go in person with me to my house. By th’ way we met My wife, her sister, and a rabble more Of vile confederates. Along with them They brought one Pinch, a hungry, lean-faced 245 villain, A mere anatomy, a mountebank, A threadbare juggler, and a fortune-teller, A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch, A living dead man. This pernicious slave, 250 Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer, And, gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse, And with no face (as ’twere) outfacing me, Cries out I was possessed. Then all together They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence, 255 And in a dark and dankish vault at home There left me and my man, both bound together, Till gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder, I gained my freedom and immediately Ran hither to your Grace, whom I beseech 260 To give me ample satisfaction For these deep shames and great indignities. ANGELO My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him: That he dined not at home, but was locked out.

p. 149

DUKE But had he such a chain of thee or no? ANGELO 265 He had, my lord, and when he ran in here, These people saw the chain about his neck. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝ Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine Heard you confess you had the chain of him After you first forswore it on the mart, 270 And thereupon I drew my sword on you, And then you fled into this abbey here, From whence I think you are come by miracle. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS I never came within these abbey walls, Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me. 275 I never saw the chain, so help me heaven, And this is false you burden me withal. DUKE Why, what an intricate impeach is this! I think you all have drunk of Circe’s cup. If here you housed him, here he would have been. 280 If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly. ⌜To Adriana.⌝ You say he dined at home; the goldsmith here Denies that saying. ⌜To Dromio of Ephesus.⌝ Sirrah, what say you? DROMIO OF EPHESUS, ⌜pointing to the Courtesan⌝ 285 Sir, he dined with her there at the Porpentine. COURTESAN He did, and from my finger snatched that ring. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜showing a ring⌝ ’Tis true, my liege, this ring I had of her. DUKE, ⌜to Courtesan⌝ Saw’st thou him enter at the abbey here? COURTESAN As sure, my liege, as I do see your Grace.

p. 151

DUKE 290 Why, this is strange.—Go call the Abbess hither. Exit one to the Abbess. I think you are all mated or stark mad. EGEON Most mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word. Haply I see a friend will save my life And pay the sum that may deliver me. DUKE 295 Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt. EGEON, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝ Is not your name, sir, called Antipholus? And is not that your bondman Dromio? DROMIO OF EPHESUS Within this hour I was his bondman, sir, But he, I thank him, gnawed in two my cords. 300 Now am I Dromio, and his man, unbound. EGEON I am sure you both of you remember me. DROMIO OF EPHESUS Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you, For lately we were bound as you are now. You are not Pinch’s patient, are you, sir? EGEON, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝ 305 Why look you strange on me? You know me well. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS I never saw you in my life till now. EGEON O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last, And careful hours with time’s deformèd hand Have written strange defeatures in my face. 310 But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice? ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Neither. EGEON Dromio, nor thou? DROMIO OF EPHESUS No, trust me, sir, nor I.

p. 153

EGEON I am sure thou dost. DROMIO OF EPHESUS 315Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not, and whatsoever a man denies, you are now bound to believe him. EGEON Not know my voice! O time’s extremity, Hast thou so cracked and splitted my poor tongue 320 In seven short years that here my only son Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares? Though now this grainèd face of mine be hid In sap-consuming winter’s drizzled snow, And all the conduits of my blood froze up, 325 Yet hath my night of life some memory, My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left, My dull deaf ears a little use to hear. All these old witnesses—I cannot err— Tell me thou art my son Antipholus. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 330 I never saw my father in my life. EGEON But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy, Thou know’st we parted. But perhaps, my son, Thou sham’st to acknowledge me in misery. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS The Duke and all that know me in the city 335 Can witness with me that it is not so. I ne’er saw Syracusa in my life. DUKE I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years Have I been patron to Antipholus, During which time he ne’er saw Syracusa. 340 I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.

Enter ⌜Emilia⌝ the Abbess, with Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Syracuse and Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.

p. 155

ABBESS Most mighty duke, behold a man much wronged. All gather to see them. ADRIANA I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me. DUKE One of these men is genius to the other. And so, of these, which is the natural man 345 And which the spirit? Who deciphers them? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I, sir, am Dromio. Command him away. DROMIO OF EPHESUS I, sir, am Dromio. Pray, let me stay. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Egeon art thou not, or else his ghost? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE O, my old master.—Who hath bound him here? ABBESS 350 Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds And gain a husband by his liberty.— Speak, old Egeon, if thou be’st the man That hadst a wife once called Emilia, That bore thee at a burden two fair sons. 355 O, if thou be’st the same Egeon, speak, And speak unto the same Emilia. DUKE Why, here begins his morning story right: These two Antipholus’, these two so like, And these two Dromios, one in semblance— 360 Besides her urging of her wrack at sea— These are the parents to these children, Which accidentally are met together. EGEON If I dream not, thou art Emilia. If thou art she, tell me, where is that son 365 That floated with thee on the fatal raft?

p. 157

ABBESS By men of Epidamium he and I And the twin Dromio all were taken up; But by and by rude fishermen of Corinth By force took Dromio and my son from them, 370 And me they left with those of Epidamium. What then became of them I cannot tell; I to this fortune that you see me in. DUKE, ⌜to Antipholus of Syracuse⌝ Antipholus, thou cam’st from Corinth first. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE No, sir, not I. I came from Syracuse. DUKE 375 Stay, stand apart. I know not which is which. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord. DROMIO OF EPHESUS And I with him. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Brought to this town by that most famous warrior Duke Menaphon, your most renownèd uncle. ADRIANA 380 Which of you two did dine with me today? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE I, gentle mistress. ADRIANA And are not you my husband? ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS No, I say nay to that. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE And so do I, yet did she call me so, 385 And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here, Did call me brother. ⌜To Luciana.⌝ What I told you then I hope I shall have leisure to make good, If this be not a dream I see and hear. ANGELO, ⌜turning to Antipholus of Syracuse⌝ 390 That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.

p. 159

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE I think it be, sir. I deny it not. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Angelo⌝ And you, sir, for this chain arrested me. ANGELO I think I did, sir. I deny it not. ADRIANA, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝ I sent you money, sir, to be your bail 395 By Dromio, but I think he brought it not. DROMIO OF EPHESUS No, none by me. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Adriana⌝ This purse of ducats I received from you, And Dromio my man did bring them me. I see we still did meet each other’s man, 400 And I was ta’en for him, and he for me, And thereupon these errors are arose. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to the Duke⌝ These ducats pawn I for my father here. DUKE It shall not need. Thy father hath his life. COURTESAN, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝ Sir, I must have that diamond from you. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 405 There, take it, and much thanks for my good cheer. ABBESS Renownèd duke, vouchsafe to take the pains To go with us into the abbey here And hear at large discoursèd all our fortunes, And all that are assembled in this place 410 That by this sympathizèd one day’s error Have suffered wrong. Go, keep us company, And we shall make full satisfaction.— Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail Of you, my sons, and till this present hour 415 My heavy burden ⌜ne’er⌝ deliverèd.— The Duke, my husband, and my children both,

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And you, the calendars of their nativity, Go to a gossips’ feast, and go with me. After so long grief, such nativity! DUKE 420 With all my heart I’ll gossip at this feast. All exit except the two Dromios and ⌜the⌝ two brothers ⌜Antipholus.⌝ DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝ Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard? ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embarked? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝ He speaks to me.—I am your master, Dromio. 425 Come, go with us. We’ll look to that anon. Embrace thy brother there. Rejoice with him. ⌜The brothers Antipholus⌝ exit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE There is a fat friend at your master’s house That kitchened me for you today at dinner. She now shall be my sister, not my wife. DROMIO OF EPHESUS 430 Methinks you are my glass, and not my brother. I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth. Will you walk in to see their gossiping? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Not I, sir. You are my elder. DROMIO OF EPHESUS That’s a question. How shall we 435 try it? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE We’ll draw cuts for the signior. Till then, lead thou first. DROMIO OF EPHESUS Nay, then, thus: We came into the world like brother and brother, 440 And now let’s go hand in hand, not one before another. They exit.

#shakespeare #the comedy of errors #william shakespeare #english literature #its free and the government can’t stop you #english

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queenimmadolla · 1 year

Note

ALWAYS, ok just a fun little question, I need to know why you’re so drawn to Eddie, JUST GO HAM AND GUSH ABOUT IT BABE

Boy am I glad I fixed (i think) the read more thing because I’ll give you everything I got:

I gotta start this off by saying i had no intentions and no interest in watching stranger things 4 when it premiered. The wait between season 3 and 4 was pretty long, especially because of covid and while i had attempted to keep the interest up, there wasn’t a whole lot of the fandom active until a little before st4 dropped, but the last time i was here, it was dead as hell. And so i left, not ever expecting to come back. then one day, after st4 had started streaming i was just scrolling through twitter and i saw a picture of Eddie. He piqued my interest immediately, the only thing i could equate it to is like when you were in high school, catching sight of someone you never really noticed before and being completely smitten at first sight. I wanted to know more about him, needed to. So i finally started the new season.

One thing that’s important to know before i detail exactly why i became so interested in Eddie is a little background information that i wont go too deep into detail about, but i lost my dad in early 2021. We were very close, he also liked Stranger Things (both of my parents did but we’re not gonna talk about my mom’s favs rn) and our bond only deepened during my late teenage years because of how into 70s and 80s music i was (am, but you’d think I was a 70s girl if you saw me)—like everyone else who was a teenager through st1-3, IT, and watched all the 80s tv shows that aired on like nick at night, tbs, tvland, etc.—and those were my dad’s golden years, he’d been in several bands and a DJ. He played the guitar (left me with so many guitars and a ton of amps) and he could absolutely SHRED it. He appreciated all genres—really, he just loved any song with a good guitar solo—but he loved rock and heavy metal, for obvious reasons (the guitar shredding). He was definitely a metal head, though he didn’t look the part (he’s black, heavily resembled Wesley Snipes especially back then, and you wont ever see a whole lot of aesthetics of black metal heads of the 80s for obvious reasons, and he was rocking the jerry curl lol, but it was a mullet). He was a pretty intimidating looking dude, that never stopped him from singing along to R5 with me and the Jonas brothers, one direction, Kelly clarkson, he’d encourage my love for music in whatever form/genre I liked. He got so excited when I also finally started appreciating the same type of music he did, but that wasn’t til around 2 or 3 years before he passed. And then when he did, i didn’t have any to talk to about it.

And here came Eddie, to the rescue (he and the rest of the Hawkins gang also popped up when I was being iced out of my only friend group at the time and I was really depressed). I liked Eddie, not only because I was INSTANTLY attracted to him, I also liked his style, I liked his hair, his pretty brown eyes (what they do to me should be illegal), how adaptable he was (stern when the hellfire boys needed it, gentle around people he could tell were shaken) and how he encouraged people to maintain their individuality (namely Dustin, while Eddie was really hot in the cafeteria scene, I wasn’t too fond of how he was ragging on people for what they liked, because they weren’t like him—when they weren’t even harassing or bothering him and I didn’t care for how he was unwilling to see Lucas—one of his little sheepies who was finding his way—play in one of the most important games to him but we got more Erica out of it so I’ll forgive him). His voice is also surprisingly comforting to me, I can’t explain why. AND HIS THEATRICS! My god, I could imagine watching him goof around, letting himself collapse onto the floor because of trivial things and just being dramatic and funny, all day long. The best part about him, is that he’s the most real feeling boy out of the “core three” (Steve, Jonathan and Eddie, I don’t count Billy for me because I don’t like him for obvious reasons) to me. See, I’ve been interested in all three of those boys. Jonathan first, then Steve (and still kind of) but my loyalty is to Eddie. Jonathan was first because it was Jonathan VS Steve, you know? The quiet underdog from the wrong side of the tracks, the good boy. it’s a character trope but a good one. And then Steve, former mean rich boy with a heart of gold. Another excellent character trope. Both of those boys are picture perfect Teenage Dreams. Then you have Eddie, who—I can’t explain how I know, I just do—would bark at someone who was bothering him until they were freaked out enough to go away. He’s considered trailer trash, a metal head with messy hair who deals drugs, becomes a friend to freshmen who no one else wants to associate with, starts arguments with the ‘popular’ crowd—that boy is NOT a victim, if Chrissy hadn’t died in that trailer he would have been harassing Jason and his crew more than the other way around lol—talks in weird voices, has weird gimmicks all while comforting sad girls, being chivalrous enough to help them into boats and holding Robin during the quakes in the Upside Down. In my opinion he’s far from a bad boy and difficult to stick into one character trope box. And out of all the boys, he’s the most realistic Teenage Dream. He’s one of a kind but it also feels like I could find him somewhere out in the world.

But my favorite thing about Eddie is the fact that I know I’d be gushing all about my love for him to my dad if he were alive. And my dad wouldn’t mind because he’d be his favorite character, too, with all of their shared interests and how Eddie is kind of the epitome for the crowd he used to be a part of. Sometimes, I entertain the idea it’d feel an awful lot like telling my dad about a boyfriend and him finally like him, my dad hated all my boyfriends and refused to let me tell him ANYTHING about them. Like everyone else who loves Eddie, I wish he was real, but mostly for that reason. Honestly, I’d barely be able to be friends with Eddie. My crush on him would be way too intense for me to like operate as a normal human being around him and with him, I can tell I’d regress to my high school self and love/admire from afar because of my shyness. Those high school crushes were pretty magical for me, though nothing ever came from them (I didn’t start my maneater ways until after high school when I got hot and started doing drugs) and yeah, that’s the type of teenage dream he is for me. My love for him is intense enough to have me not only reading fanfiction—which isn’t all that surprising because I’ve been doing it since elementary school—but freaking WRITING it!!! I can count the amount of times I’d done so in the past on one hand (most of which I deleted a long ass time ago) and still have fingers available. Now, i can’t stop. I just can’t. And it’s all because of him. Everything i write is like my way of writing a love letter to Eddie. Even if I did stop writing, I wouldn’t ever stop being drawn to him.

So, all of that is why I’m so drawn to him, why I really do love him, and why I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let him go. And you might notice a lot of that also reflects in my writing.

#WHEW #that was kind of therapeutic #vivi rambles #like she really freaking rambles #Eddie really did save me #Juniebee 🐝#Eddie munson #$ replies #queenie replies

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biggestsimp12 · 1 year

Text

🔞Smut prompts🔞

____________________

1. "There's only one rule. You can't use your hands."

2. "Look deep into my eyes, sweetheart."

3. "I want you to leave marks."

4. "I want to watch you fall apart."

5. "I dreamed of you all night."

6. "Face down on the bed. Now."

7. "Don't apologize about your morning wood."

8. "Fuck me like you mean it"

9. "Spank me."

10. "Take me now."

11. "Tell me how you like it."

12. "I just want to please you."

13. "Tell me I'm a good boy/girl/lover."

14. "I know for a fact that you can be a hell of a lot louder than that."

15. "We've been at it like rabbits, how are you still horny?!"

16. "It was so worth the injury though!"

17. "Saddle up doll."

18. "Did you just look me up and down and then bite your lip? 'Cause if you did we're having sex. Right now."

19. "Your ass is going to be seven different shades of red after that little stunt."

20. "God damnit, now all I can think about right now is you licking my cock like its that ice cream cone."

21. "If I have to pull over, you won't be able to walk for the next week."

22. "Don't make me take you home and punish you."

23. "I've never wanted anyone to fuck me this badly."

24. "You're not going out in that outfit."

25. "Don't give me that look."

26. "You're more than just a one night stand."

27. "Would you just shut up and kiss me already?"

28. "You want me to give you your book/phone/item back? Make me."

29. "Like what you see?"

30. "Try to stay quiet, understand?"

31. "We're in public, you know."

32. "I didn't know you were so sensitive."

33. "Don't be so rough. there can't be any marks."

34. "I really don't care. You still look hot and I'm trying not to kiss/fuck you senseless right now."

35. "Are you sure? Once we start, I might not be able to stop."

36. "No, I'm supposed to be making you feel good."

37. "Make me."

38. "Stop teasing me so much."

39. "You're in trouble now.'

40. "Take off your clothes."

41. "I'm waiting."

42. "First one to make a noise loses."

43. "Me."

44. "We can't do that here!"

45. "Behave."

46. "What did you just say?"

47. "You little slut."

48. "Your screams are melody to my ears"

49. "Call me master."

50."Trying to test me?"

51."You want to have sex in the elevator? Challenge accepted!"

52. "Why did you wear underwear, when you know I'm going to tear it off anyway?"

53. "Isn't the thrill of getting caught half of the fun?"

54. "Since I've been good, it's time you let me have a taste of you."

55. "You want to put what, where?!"

56. "Your ass or your breasts... the choice is up to you."

57. "Show me how you play with yourself."

58. "Using your teeth, is the only way I'm granting you access tonight."

59. "I don't 'make love', I fuck."

60. "I'd fuck you all night long."

61. "You look like a fucking dog in heat."

62. "You look so fucking hot right now."

63. "Fuck-faster~"

64. "FUCK, I'm gonna come!"

65. "I'll fuck you right here, right now."

66. "Babe, fuck-not here."

67. "You're one cocky motherfucker. Let's go back to my place."

68. "I want to bend you over and fuck you until you can't walk."

69. "I want you to fuck me until I can't walk."

70. "F-fuck-please--"

71. "I'd let you fuck me any day."

72. "You better use a fucking condom."

73. "Tell me what you want me to fucking do to you."

74 "Come here."

75. "Watch me."

77. "I don't want to hear your excuses anymore."

78. "If you can't sleep...then how about we have sex?"

79. "Put that thing away!"

80. "Don't kink shame me."

81. "If you interrupt me one more time, so help me god.

82. "I'm going to put on some clothes before you say anything else."

83. "Tell me what you want." 84. "Beat me."

85. "If you insist."

86. "Could he make you feel as good as I do?"

87. "You're n-not um, w-wearing anything under that. are you..?"

88. "Are you trying to turn me on or are you really just that oblivious?"

89. "You taste like fucking candy."

90. "The only way you're getting off is on my thigh."

91. "You make a sound and its game over."

92. "Just let me finish this/this level and I swear ill go

down on you until you cum at least three times."

93. "If I have to stop what I'm doing, you won't be able to walk for the next week."

94. "I could just pull your bikini bottoms to the side. no one will notice."

95. "I haven't even touched you and you're already this wet.

96. "Were you just masturbating?"

97. "U-uh.no, i was just.."

98. "Want some help?"

99. "Ngh.. Fuck it"

100. "Look how pretty you look all fucked up"

___________________________

Feel free to use!

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faerywhimsy · 1 year

Text

My heart is full today and I just gotta do a quick shout out to all the fan artists (I've loved before): @le-cabinet-du-garei @xxhellonursexx @nasnyys @sheepskeleton. Special mentions for @cup-of-lixx for that short ficlet about Daniel hitting his head on the coffin lid, and @eosphoroz for that throw away comment about vampires who don't know themselves enough to love in healthy ways.

This piece is basically my little love letter to you all and the angst great feels you inspire. <3

~*~*~

They got just one full good year together, Daniel and Armand.

Almost a decade of Daniel’s begging, pleading and threats over being turned into a vampire like Armand, the two of them got one good year after Armand actually did it.

And then, it all went to hell.

When Armand told him outright they’d be together in hell, Daniel just didn’t imagine it being like this. Maybe that was his stupid fault for being so naïve. But Daniel honestly couldn’t say Armand hadn’t told him so, hadn’t warned him what awaited the two of them.

The shit of it was, it really was great for a minute there. The best time of Daniel’s whole life.

His body felt alive and new in a way he could barely remember, and certainly never remembered without drugs in his system. Alcohol had become a downer for longer than Daniel had been willing to admit. And yet, it had remained what he reached for, like after Armand filmed his hair growing back on VHS, then suggested they watched it. (Only, they both knew it wasn’t a ‘suggestion’, it was their activity of the night in place of going out to watch the opera.)

Or, after it had already been established that Armand chose Daniel’s clothes each night, Armand suddenly decided that it was the 80s, and that necessitated a complete rehaul of his existing wardrobe in favour of a different look. (“I actually change with every era, Daniel. Keep up.” “… an ‘era’ is not the same as a decade… babe.”)

Daniel thought it was great, because he already knew so much about Armand (that he hates his name and the age he was turned, the style in which he best prefers Daniel to cut his hair, the way he doesn’t like to talk much, the way he has a type and Daniel knows full well he’s the least high maintenance out of himself, Lestat and Marius. But also how sometimes Armand likes to wear stockings under his clothes, even if no one but Daniel knows about it. And other times especially when no one but Daniel knows about it).

But what Daniel didn’t consider (didn’t know to consider) was that just becoming a vampire would be a learning curve too.

It wasn’t just about becoming the same as Armand. It was about Daniel having to learn himself all over again. A second fucking puberty. Allowing himself to see himself through the lens of really making the decision of being queer in the ‘70s and all that would entail for the first time again.

Only, this time it came without that tantalising option of simply… opting out in favour of a simpler life.

Because Daniel had asked for this, begged for it and, ultimately, completely consented to it regardless of all of Armand’s prior warnings.

For the most part, Daniel still didn’t regret it. Not when the reality of no longer hearing Armand’s voice in his head began to sunk in. He said to himself it was more than worth the price to pay for the privacy of his own thoughts and opinions that he was granted back. And he meant it! (At least that first two months.)

Hitting his head on the edge of the coffin at the end of every night was… less than ideal. Beds weren’t supposed to have lids. And he’d been so excited to go out shopping with Armand for his very first coffin It was part of the ritual, a rite of passage. But, ultimately, Daniel hadn’t complained when—a few months in—Armand very casually informed Daniel that they were moving an actual bed into the basement. (“Coffins are so very 19th century anyway, beloved. And we’re nearing the beginning of the 21st now.”)

Daniel very much liked when Armand was the first one of them to wake up each evening, and relished in every time when he woke up to find Armand staring at is blinking return from repose with that particular expression of quiet adoration on his features that only Daniel ever got from him. (“I love you too, boss.”)

The way Armand informed him of things was different too, after Daniel became a vampire. While he could (and did!) still make the ultimate decision over Daniel’s wardrobe, Daniel’s human food decisions were no longer on the table. Daniel sometimes got the feeling that Armand wanted them to be more like equals now that he was Armand’s child in the Blood, but then Armand would turn around and announce he had the final say and Daniel would be left scrambling as to where he stood all over again.

Sometimes he thought Armand was still trying to figure this out as well, given he’d never had another fledgling before.

And because of Daniel’s own devotion to Armand, he didn’t want to add the things he was trying to figure out onto Armand’s plate.

Like, when it started to seem overwhelming out on the street at nights because the juxtaposition of car headlights was too much for his eyes to process against the backdrop of the night. Or when Daniel downplayed times he lost himself so much in a vinyl playing on his record player that he’d be left sitting in front of it for he had no idea how long after it had stopped playing, until Armand came in to ask him what he was up to.

That was just the first six months.

By the second half of that first year, Daniel started to realise that he couldn’t easily remember the last time Armand had worn those stockings under his own clothing (and honestly Daniel wasn’t sure if it was that his memory was wonky, or Armand had actually stopped, and either way he didn’t want to ask and implicate himself or start another argument).

Not being able to hear Armand’s thoughts in his head meant that, more and more of the time, Daniel began to struggle with knowing what Armand was actually thinking given it wasn’t like he started speaking a whole lot more than he once did. Daniel found himself floundering and reaching for the things that he knew about Armand from before he’d been turned, but that started to feel stagnant. Like, shouldn’t he keep learning new things about the guy he loved?

Because, in the meantime, Armand kept noticing things about Daniel, like the way he preferred to feed. Daniel wasn’t interested in completely abstaining from blood like Louis, but neither did he want to kill humans now that he no longer was one. Maybe that would change over time, but for the beginning of his life as a vampire, Daniel only wanted to indulge in what he learned was called the Little Drink. He didn’t ask or expect for Armand to change his feeding habits to suit, and Armand didn’t ask him to help dispose of his victims.

Daniel wondered if Armand also happened to notice how Daniel was beginning to lose himself in things (time and memory mostly). There were patches in that second half of the first year where Daniel actively had to strive now to remain in the present. He was sure it would pass, otherwise Armand would have obviously said something.

Or… maybe not.

Because there was a definite communication problem between them. The two of them had spent over a decade before Daniel was turned where the mind gift made up such a large part of Armand and Daniel’s every day conversation and relationship. There wasn’t a switch after the veil of silence fell down between them where the habit of speaking that way was also broken. It wasn’t as though Armand suddenly enjoyed talking all the time.

Daniel recognised the issue and started trying to reverse their trajectory, to undo some of that damage. But he felt the heavy despondency, like it was too late even at the start doing much about it. And Daniel was already trying to balance too much; adjusting to being a vampire, staying present in the moment and now attempting to heal their fractured conversation skills. It was too much at one time.

He and Armand fought with one another, unable to meet in the middle because their life together up till then had been structured in a way where they both felt like they were already doing so much for the other. Daniel started wondering—in the constant privacy of his own mind—if there was too much separation between a 500 year old vampire and a 30 year old man-just-turned-fledgling. What if they couldn’t bridge that gap between them?

What if they just... couldn’t bridge it?

Somehow, it had all seemed smaller when Daniel was Armand’s mortal minion, almost as though that was more the natural way it ought to go between someone like Armand and someone like Daniel. As though, with his endless demands for something more, Daniel had taken them against the natural order of things.

Did he really believe that vampires had a place in the natural order of the world, to be able to go against it?

That was far too philosophical for Daniel in those last few months; not a thought he could hold onto without falling into another worrying spiral.

Finally, Daniel pushed himself to be the one to start the hard conversation.

“This isn’t working.”

Armand looked up at him from between long, uncut, auburn strands. He’d known this was coming, he must have. They couldn’t keep going like this, and it had become clear that Armand wasn’t going to be the one to start the conversation.

They got one good year, Daniel and Armand, before it all went to hell.

“I think... it’s not a good fit right now. Like, I need to figure out how to be a vampire, and how to be with you as a vampire… separately.”

Armand’s nose crinkled under his curls even as he looked down to the floor. Still, he didn’t say anything out loud.

Daniel imagined he was thinking plenty, and silently he damned Armand for not being willing—or able?—to say any of it where Daniel could hear.

It left Daniel with the onus to be the only one speaking his thoughts. Yeah, he definitely resented Armand in that moment for that. He took his time, trying hard to find words that wouldn’t betray feelings of bitterness, but would still keep clear the things he’d been thinking in his head. Alone, always alone in his head now. Forever.

“We have a lot of time stretching out in front of us now, right? None of this, us, is in a hurry anymore. We just… need to get through this rough part.”

“You don’t… want to be with me.” Armand’s voice hitched, and that was the first sign Daniel had that Armand had started crying.

“No, babe… No, that’s not it. I do want to be with you. That’s why I’m doing this. I think… it’s gonna break us if we keep pushing through like this the way we are. What we’re doing isn’t working. I’m not working. I need to… to… figure out myself before we can be…” Was that right? Had Daniel really known so much about himself when he’d been drinking himself to oblivion? Taking uppers just to keep up with Armand?

Was that really what the problem was? Or was he just second guessing himself now so he’d get to stay? Stay…

Daniel was kneeling in front of Armand before he could stop himself, wiping away those stray tears that escaped past Armand’s resolve. Damnit, he couldn’t stand to see his boss cry.

“Please don’t,” Daniel whispered, only to then call himself a fool, cause this was real feeling Armand was showing Daniel right now. Showing in maybe the only way left Armand felt comfortable sharing.

What did Daniel know anymore?

~*~*~

from:

#fandom experience #fanfic #vc #the vampire chronicles #daniel/armand #the devil's minion

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helenadurazzo · 5 months

Text

Ranking Taylor Swift Songs

1. Enchanted

2. Haunted

3. Picture To Burn

4. Better Than Revenge

5. Mr Perfectly Fine

6. Don’t Blame Me

7. Wildest Dreams

8. Getaway Car

9. Timeless

10. London Boy

11. Story Of Us

12. Love Story

13. Mine

14. Long Live

15. Forever and Always

16. Sparks Fly

17. Cruel Summer

18. Our Song

19. The Way I Loved You

20. Bejeweled

21. Dear John

22. The Last Time

23. Now That We Don’t Talk

24. All Too Well

25. Lavender Haze

26. Wonderland

27. Out Of The Woods

28. White Horse

29. Should’ve Said No

30. The Man

31. The Last Great American Dynasty

32. August

33. Long Story Short

34. Fearless

35. Back To December

36. Hey Stephen

37. Message In A Bottle

38. Safe and Sound

39. New Romantics

40. Karma

41. End Game

42. Look What You Made Me Do

43. Exile

44. Welcome To New York

45. Electric Touch

46. Delicate

47. A Place In This World

48. Mean

49. Change

50. I Almost Do

51. I Bet You Think About Me

52. Willow

53. Paper Rings

54. Fifteen

55. Blank Space

56. Style

57. Snow On The Beach

58. Never Grow Up

59. Breathe

60. Castles Crumbling

61. Ours

62. Anti Hero

63. Marjorie

64. It’s Nice To Have A Friend

65. Bad Blood

66. Lover

67. Cardigan

68. Cornelia Street

69. Labyrinth

70. Holy Ground

71. Treacherous

72. You Need to Calm Down

73. Never Getting Back Together

74. 22

75. I Knew You Were Trouble

76. The Best Day

77. I’m Only Me When I’m With You

78. I Can See You

79. Midnight Rain

80. You’re Not Sorry

81. Gorgeous

82. Seven

83. Mirrorball

84. Afterglow

85. Daylight

86. The 1

87. Red

88. I Did Something Bad

89. You’re On Your Own Kid

90. Great War

91. Me

92. This Is Me Trying

93. State of Grace

94. Invisible

95. The Outside

96. You Belong With Me

97. Teardrops On My Guitar

98. Untouchable

99. Today Was a Fairytale

100. Tell Me Why

101. Mary’s Song

102. Tim McGraw

103. Superman

104. Speak Now

105. That’s When

106. Gold Rush

107. No Body No Crime

108. Right Where You Left Me

109. My Tears Ricochet

110. Superstar

111. Don’t You

112. Jump Then Fall

113. Bye Bye Baby

114. I Know Places

115. Ivy

116. Is It Over Now

117. I Think He Knows

118. Cold As You

119. Last Kiss

120. You All Over Me

121. Say Don’t Go

122. Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

123. I Don’t Want To Live Forever

124. Shake It Off

125. Tolerate It

126. Maroon

127. Champagne Problems

128. Mad Woman

129. Tis The Damn Season

130. Starlight

131. The Other Side Of The Door

132. Come In With The Rain

133. You’re Losing Me

134. Invisible String

135. Illicit Affairs

136. Everything Has Changed

137. A Perfectly Good Heart

138. We Were Happy

139. Babe

140. Suburban Legends

141. Stay

142. The Very First Night

143. Wish You Would

144. Bigger Than The Whole Sky

145. Ready For It

146. Come Back Be Here

147. Closure

148. Mastermind

149. Sweet Nothing

150. Sad Beautiful Tragic

151. Stay Beautiful

152. The Lucky One

153. Begin Again

154. Girl At Home

155. Nothing New

156. Better Man

157. Miss Americana and the HBP

158. Paris

159. Question

160. Ronan

161. Forever Winter

162. Tied Together With A Smile

163. The Moment I Knew

164. Betty

165. Hoax

166. Coney Island

167. Clean

168. Call It What You Want

169. New Years Day

170. False God

171. King of My Heart

172. How You Get The Girl

173. You Are In Love

174. High Infidelity

175. Innocent

176. Foolish One

177. Death By A Thousand Cuts

178. This Love

179. So It Goes

180. The Archer

181. The Lakes

182. Dear Reader

183. Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve

184. I Forgot That You Existed

185. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

186. Dorothea

187. When Emma Falls In Love

188. Run

189. It’s Time To Go

190. Cowboy Like Me

191. Glitch

192. Dress

193. Peace

194. Epiphany

195. Soon You’ll Get Better

196. Evermore

197. Happiness

198. Slut

199. Vigilante Shit

200. Stay Stay Stay

#tried to put every song on here #probably forgot one though #so if I did just comment #Taylor Swift #Fearless #Speak Now #Red #1989 #Reputation #Lover #Folklore #Evermore #Midnights #Taylor Swift Songs #Swifities #taylor’s version

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brightgnosis · 1 year

Text

I found some really great finds today while Antiquing with my Husband; we went out to get out traditional Valentine's Tea Cup for me (which we forgot to get around valentine's because it was just too busy for us) and came back with a lot of other stuff- plus a Tea Pot, instead.

We couldn't find any Tea Cups again this year, but I did find a stunning Sadler England Tea Pot that was hand gilded for $40 (bit on the pricier side but it was worth it); there's a number on the bottom, but I can't read it. It's gorgeous, though, and I love it. So I picked that up as my Valentine's gift instead.

Unfortunately I've had zero luck dating this babe so far. RIP.

I also got a DonnKenny Casuals sweater (s1186216) in Small, as well, for $3. It's so soft and comfortable, and I feel so warm the second I put it on. Nothing like modern sweaters at all. This is wonderful.

Who wants to do the "I snagged a 1990's sweater" dance with me?

There was the most perfect Art Unlimited Sportswear shirt (s82847) in Large, with a Hummingbird print, too, that I snagged for $3; it feels like someone's starched it, but I'm hoping that feeling goes away after a proper wash.

There's two versions of this print- the one I have, and another one from the 90's. It looks like this one may be the 80's version. The "starched" feeling did mostly go away after a wash, but it's going to need a good salt water treatment before the fabric's fully soft enough it doesn't agitate my Fibro.

A Fire-Islander shirt (s2519) in Medium Petite for $3; it's a bit short because I have a "normal sized" torso and I'm not stocky like most petites. But otherwise it fits pretty great (especially once I pulled the shoulder pads out).

After some digging, it seems this shirt may be from the late 70's, early 80's- officially making it my earliest find in shirts. How neat!

I feel like @buddyblanc will be proud of me for this one.

Jewelry wise I picked up a white Peony or Rose (I'm pretty sure Rose) brooch for $5, that I thought matched the red Rose one I found last time really nicely.

Also snagged a set of pink balloon screwback earrings for $1 as well.

Plus a stained glass Fish necklace that I fully plan on turning into an Amulet at some point because it's too perfect not to. It was $5, too.

A necklace and earring set that kind of reminds me of Chestnut seeds, honestly? Or ... Some other kind of seed. I'm not sure what kind. I have one around here somewhere, though. But this set reminded me of it and I had to have it? The whole set was $5.

Also got a set of metal inset bird clip-on earrings, and a set of enameled metal floral clip-on earrings- each for $5 apiece.

All of the jewelry was, unfortunately, unsigned. So I have no way of dating or identifying most of it outside of basic features- and my jewelry identification isn't that great yet.

@satsekhem's (I think it was them, at least) Ancestor Reading for me said "Adorn Yourself" and I really said "Dress Hella Bolder" this year, huh?

#I'm Going To Be Radiating 80's JewISH Babushka Energy at This Rate But Nothing Will Compare To The Day I Was Mistaken For A Slavic Immigrant #Personal #2023 #Ye True Olden Days #Face & Body #Food Is The Ultimate Love Language #A Dragon's Hoard Of Tea

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collectivecloseness · 1 year

Text

Prompt list

Prompts are now closed! To be opened again for general use soon

Please send in the prompt, including which characters are involved, who is saying what (if you want that specificity), and the genre (eg fluff, angst, smut, etc)!

Reblogs are fine, but do not repost

1) hey. You know i love you, right?

2) I’m blushing because you look good!

3) I’m not letting you go, it’s too risky

4) nobody’s ever done anything like that for me before

5) I only trust you

6) please don’t go, please. Please don’t leave me

7) please? Just one more kiss

8) I got you something

9) you’re cute. // Thanks! ...wait what!?

10) hold my hand

11) tell me you love me

12) don’t let go!

13) I’m not scared when I’m with you

14) I’ve never been in love before

15) this is all your fault

16) I’m gonna catch you

17) *clinging onto their leg*

18) I thought we agreed, no breaking the law unless we were together

19) what are you hiding?

20) you look pretty... I said you look shitty!!!

21) who did this?

22) hey! Don’t talk about yourself like that

23) don’t touch me

24) how am I supposed to trust you

25) that’s where all my clothes went

26) I’m the luckiest person alive

27) I’m packing. What does it look like?

28) it was supposed to be a secret

29) I can’t wait to have this/a baby with you

30) why would you do this? I thought you loved me

31) I can’t do this without you

32) who trashed the place?

33) let me smother you in love!

34) What the hell is that?!?!

35) how are you so perfect?

36) I’m so sorry, I can change

37) I thought you didn’t love me anymore

38) such a good girl/boy/(pet name)

39) no! Hey! Don’t cry!

40) babe. I know you’re not dumb... but how did you believe that???

41) I know you can’t resist my charm

42) what do you mean I can’t go home?

43) do we have to get you to a hospital?

44) I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that

45) how can someone as perfect as you, like someone like me?

46) wait, you really wanna date? Oh thank God, me too

47) how do I ask people out?

48) I need you to get out of my house now

49) but... I love you

50) I have a crush

51) you’re my best friend, I’m here for you

52) oh my god. I think I’m going to faint

53) babe I’m so sorry, but that’s the funniest shit I’ve seen/heard in my life

54) what’s updog?

55) Ow! Why’d you hit me?

56) I don’t believe you

57) did you just smell me?

58) oh my god I wanna have their babies

59) I don’t just want to be friends

60) don’t ever put yourself in danger again!

61) if I find out who did this, I’ll kill them

62) I hate you!

63) you’re so warm/cold

64) (name), it’s me

65) please don’t hurt me/them

66) I had a nightmare

67) you’re too sweet

68) I’m desperately in love with you

69) I’m not going to lie I’m horny as fuck right now

70) I don’t want to do this, but it’s for the best

71) help me...

72) if i don’t get to snuggle with you right now I am going to scream

73) noooo. I’m too sleepy

74) carry me?

75) you want to have a threesome?

76) baby no, how could you ever think that?

77) ...did you just lick me?

78) what the fuck is wrong with you

79) you’re my soulmate

80) no, I’m not going if you’re/they’re not going

81) they’re not dead!

82) it’s not stalking

83) hey, I heard someone’s feeling down

84) I wanna taste you

85) get away from me, leave me alone

86) I can’t handle you being mad at me anymore

87) you’ve been so good

88) no no I want to buy dinner tonight

89) why don’t you go hang out with (name)?

90) quick hide!

91) really? Again?

92) you know I never meant to hurt you

93) wait are you jealous

94) I can’t lose you!

95) I feel like I’m suffocating when you’re not around

96) do you hate me?

97) I can’t do this anymore

98) shit? They told you?

99) don’t be scared, it’s just me

100) I like like you

101) you’re too nice to me

102) you’re a jerk

103) I’m going to save them if I die trying

104) no you’re too pretty

105) it’s all my fault

106) what do you mean they’re in the upside down

107) you don’t have to hide around me

108) that tickles

109) come out come out wherever you are

110) just tell me what’s wrong

111) who knew our first (kiss/date/blank) would be in a hellhole dimension

112) I’ll never let anything like that happen to you again

113) you’re safe now, you’re safe with me

114) if you don’t die I’m going to kill you

115) my family is still here!

116) I almost lost you once. I’m not doing it again

117) please open the door

118) I was so worried about you

119) what’s your problem?

120) come back to bed

121) you’re the only person who hasn’t hurt me

122) please hold on

123) put some clothes on

124) fuck. I could watch you forever

125) you’re way too drunk for that

126) it’s only weed!

127) how are you always falling over?

128) you know I have a front door. Why’d you always use my window?

129) it’s so late, why’d you call

130) I can’t go to sleep without you

131) I think that’s an actual war crime

132) is that blood?

133) I’d never make fun of you

134) you just make me nervous

135) why do crushes make you panic so much?

136) how are they so hot

137) I’ll be your wingman

138) okay what did you do

139) I feel like I don’t need to explain why that’s a bad idea

140) catch me! // NO WAIT IM HOLDING-

141) if (weird habit/kink) is wrong then I don’t want to be right

142) smug ass // you love it

143) I’m not wearing THAT

144) maybe we should wear a disguise

145) should I call sheriff Hopper

146) something’s wrong... they’re missing

147) what no i don’t even like them

148) I’m just going to assume that blood is fake

149) this isn’t my bed

150) I can’t believe this is the moment we’ll have to tell people we fell in love

151) I totally got/scared/pranked you, I can tell

152) who knew fighting a literal monster would look so sexy?

153) hey hey hey, stop that

154) I don’t think I remember the last time we weren’t touching

155) get a room!

156) if I see either of your body parts again I’m taking out my own eyes

157) why date one of us, when you could have us both/all?

158) I thought I’d lost you

159) I love your best friend, but do they have to always be around?

160) you’re such a dork. It’s very attractive

161) you’re lucky you’re cute

162) uh uh! You owe me one

163) quit your job. I’ll look after you!

164) want me to beat them up for you?

165) I think something’s out there

166) I think someone’s watching/following me

167) I don’t want to go back to the upside down

168) fuck... you look so pretty under me like that

169) f- shit yeah! You can dom me!

170) why don’t you care?

171) i just want to make you happy/smile

172) I’m not letting you torture yourself anymore

173) it was an accident, I swear

174) uh, yeah, no, we’re not doing that

175) are you trying to get yourself killed?

176) I could listen to you laugh all day

177) I don’t care what people say, I love you

178) I don’t want a partner I want you!

179) wait did someone hurt you

180) tell me what’s going on

181) you’ve got trauma, it’s not your fault

182) I’ll never let anything happen to you

183) were they bothering you?

184) do you like them more than me?

185) Forget them! You’ve got me. I’m awesome

186) To me, you’re everything

187) I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you

188) No! They’re dead. I don’t care what happens to me

189) Let me pay!

190) Wait, you’ve already planned the date?

191) I’m not calling my kids that

192) It’s not fair! You know you’ve got me wrapped around your evil finger!

193) You know I was joking... right?

194) I promise you that’s not true

195) I can’t lose them

196) are you ignoring me?

197) nice of you to finally drop by

198) they’re not even that good looking

199) hold on tight

200) Fuck me // you wish

#prompt list #Fruity four/reader #Eddie Munson/reader #Kurt Kunkle/reader #Steve Harrington/reader #Robin Buckley/reader #Nancy Wheeler/reader #Joyce Byers/reader #Chrissy Cunningham/reader #Ronance/reader #Steddie/reader #stancy/reader #platonic stobin/reader #hellcheer/reader

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green-socks · 1 year

Text

I posted 3,142 times in 2022

That's 260 more posts than 2021!

197 posts created (6%)

2,945 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lorecraft

@outercrasis

@writeforfandoms

@wyn-n-tonic

@a-reader-and-a-writer

I tagged 2,569 of my posts in 2022

Only 18% of my posts had no tags

#fic rec - 999 posts

#fanart - 211 posts

#comment reblog - 205 posts

#<3 - 135 posts

#sock drawer - 116 posts

#thank you! - 80 posts

#jake hangman seresin x reader - 79 posts

#robert bob floyd x reader - 70 posts

#top gun brainrot - 68 posts

#!! - 68 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#this might be weird but everytime we talk you make me feel like i have something worthwhile to contribute in the conversation lol

My Top Posts in 2022:

Restraint

Pairing: Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x F!reader

Summary: Ah, the good ole plot summary for a smut fic without any plot.. Jake wants to push your buttons, but you show him that you can handle him and then some.

Words: 2.7k

Warnings: SMUT, !!adults only!! and I wont tell you twice!; subby Jake, belt as a restraint, some spanking, calling Jake a dirty boy, oral (f), pegging, pwp

Notes: The smut demon took over and this happened. Thank you to @callsign-phoenix and @skvatnavle for reading this through for me!! <3 First time writing Jake and this wasn't how it was supposed to happen but then again maybe it was.

MASTERLIST

”Hangman, give Bob back his cue stick,” you demand.

You know he doesn’t mean anything by it, just likes to tease Bob, maybe to see if he could get a reaction out of the WSO one of these days, who knows. You’re not trying to figure out how Hangman’s weirdly emotionally stunted brain works, you’re just sick of him not letting Bob finish a game. Especially when Bob is playing with you.

“But babe, I wanna play with you now,” Hangman mock-pouts.

“I’ll play with you if I beat Bob. You know the rules. And that can’t happen if you won’t let Bob play. Now give the stick back and wait for your turn like a big boy.”

“Or what, you’ll punish me?” Hangman snorts, clearly not taking you very seriously.

“If I have to,” you shrug.

Hangman narrows his eyes, trying to suss out if you’re being serious or not. Apparently, he settles for a compromise: still holding eye contact with you, he bends low on the table and bags the eight ball with a wink before thrusting the cue stick back at Bob, saying, “Have at it, Bobby,” and walking away.

You grit your teeth and glare daggers at his glorious, broad, retreating back. He really likes to push your buttons, that man.

There’s an obvious current of sexual tension between the two of you, has been for the past two weeks, and it annoys you how much you wanted him. He seems to feel the same way about you. Or maybe he just really liked teasing you. Whatever the case, you swear you won’t be the first one to crack. He’d have to come to you.

In the end, you’re not quite sure your resolve held the way you had planned.

Somehow the intense and nearly angry flirting had escalated from the moment with the cue stick into such obscene proportions that you were kindly asked to take it outside, preferably “to a room”.

So back to your room you had stormed, closing the door with a bang, only to have Hangman knocking on it not a minute later. Technically, he did come to you first, but you were the one who pulled him in and told him to kiss you, so all in all you’d have to call it even.

His tongue is in your mouth and you’re already moaning, trying to rip off his shirt, when he murmurs, “Yeah, you want it bad baby?”

And that cocky question reminds you of earlier. About what he said.

“Yea, I do want it. I want to give you that punishment we talked about. Isn’t that why you came here?” you ask, playing innocent while definitely not innocent.

Hangman stops and raises his eyebrows. “You’re being serious?” When your expression doesn’t waver, he grins that stupid broad grin of his. “Alright, let’s see what you got. I’m in. Do your worst, honey.”

“Oh, Jake, you couldn’t handle my worst,” you grin back devilishly.

In truth you have no plan on how to proceed in the slightest and are actually hoping for some sort of divine inspiration to hit you before you embarrass yourself.

“Oh yeah? You gonna spank me or something?” Jake asks, still grinning as if this was amusing to him, and pulls off his shirt before going for his belt.

Ah, the divine inspiration. There it is.

“Oh, I might,” you say lightly, while reaching for his discarded belt. “But at first, I’ll make sure you won’t be misbehaving during it.”

Hangman looks confused, and you can’t help the smile on your face as you instruct him to lie down on the bed with his feet on the ground and face down on the mattress. To his credit, he goes willingly, still not shedding his cocky attitude, which you use to your advantage. Before Jake has even fully realized it, you have grabbed his hands and brought them behind his back, tying them together using the belt, creating a nice restraint.

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212 notes - Posted July 9, 2022

Don't Turn Away

Pairing: Robert 'Bob' Floyd x gn!reader

Summary: Bob had felt more or less invisible all his life. When that became a reality, he didn't feel like much had changed. But you still saw him.

Words: 2.8k

Warnings: Bob has a very sad backstory for the purposes of this fic. He's basically some sort of ghost but also not, like he sort of died but also didn't?? Made it up as I went. It's cute tho I promise.

Notes: This was one of those where an idea hit and four hours later I had a fic ready. I quite liked writing this! Thank you to @wyn-n-tonic for the plotting help and to @a-reader-and-a-writer for the incredibly quick and helpful beta and also for just existing. <3

MASTERLIST

Working at The Hard Deck you saw all sorts of people every day. Mostly Navy personnel, sure, but there was variety in that group also. They certainly provided a variety of entertainment. You had been working at the bar even before Penny bought it, but she had let you stay on, and to be honest, you preferred her as an employer, so it all worked out for you. She often left you in charge since you had the most experience out of the younger staff. As it was, you were well used to handling the rush hours, the late nights, the drunk customers, and the surprisingly weird shenanigans they could get up to. You always thought you’d seen everything, and every time they proved you wrong.

Lately, however, you had begun to suspect that the late nights were getting to you after all. Or maybe you were somehow in a permanently drunken state being around all that beer all the time. Whatever it was, you were… Well, you were sort of getting the feeling that one of your customers was.. invisible?

It started with small, almost unnoticeable things happening here and there. One time you were carrying empty glasses back to the kitchens and nearly dropped them trying to avoid a customer running into you, but the pile of glassware somehow stayed upright even though there was no one else near to help you. A few times you came to the opening shift and could’ve sworn the place was somehow cleaner than when you had closed off the night before, as if there was some magical barmaid fairy polishing after you. (You weren’t sure if you should have felt guilty about not doing your own work well enough or offended that someone seemed to think there was room for improvement). Then there was the fact that you kept seeing payments for snacks you were pretty sure you hadn’t sold. It was messing with your head – and the bookkeeping!

Not that you’d ever say something like that out loud to anyone. Those who wouldn’t believe you would think you’re being silly at best, and then those who might believe you would just freak out. You weren’t even totally certain if you believed in that stuff yourself, but you had a childhood friend who you knew not only believed in it but had spent her whole life studying all paranormal things. She would have believed you, but you weren’t really ready to call her yet either.

However, all of these little things kept piling up over the course of several months, and at some point, you were forced to admit you truly weren’t hallucinating. So then you started really looking.

It was (obviously) easier said than done, trying to catch an invisible being, but you thought you noticed when they were around a lot, and then times when they were completely absent for days, or even weeks. Those were the times you’d start thinking you had imagined it all, but then the signs would show up again, and you felt a sort of sense of relief. It was real, and it was something you had learned to expect now. It would be odd if it stopped completely. Besides, whoever or whatever this being was, they were very polite and helpful. You weren’t planning on getting rid of your friendly bar fairy.

It took several weeks, but eventually you were able to catch the being in action. You had closed the bar as usual and gotten to your car when you realized you were still wearing your work shoes and had left your usual shoes behind. Knowing you’d need your normal shoes tomorrow morning, you went back to switch them.

A pool cue that was floating in mid-air clattered to the floor when you stepped back inside. Someone else might have chalked it up to the cue just dropping from where it had been left, but you knew what it was. Who it was.

“You’re here!” you gasped quietly. You didn’t move, but your body was buzzing and your senses felt alert. “Who are you? Why have you been helping us?”

There was no answer. You felt a little disappointed, but at the same time you hadn’t truly expected an answer.

“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful,” you went on, aiming for a soothing tone. “I appreciate it a lot. All you’ve done, being helpful. It must have been you who left that tip for me last night when that one guy forgot, right?”

Still no answer.

“I just came to switch my shoes. Left with the wrong ones on again. You can continue whatever you are here to do. I’ll leave you to it in just a moment.”

It felt weird aiming your smile at thin air, but you tried. No harm in trying, right?

You were like 99% confident the being wouldn’t harm you in any way, but your body still tingled with adrenaline and the feeling of the eyes you were sure were on your back as you snuck into the staff room. When you returned, the cue stick had been returned to its place on the rack, which to you seemed like your bar fairy had confirmed their existence without words.

“Good night, friend. Maybe I’ll see you again tomorrow,” you said softly as you left.

Heart still pounding, you belatedly wondered if it had been offensive to say “see you” to someone you couldn’t see. Oh, well.

A few days later when you were on closing shift again, you dawdled on purpose, making sure you were the last one there and working much slower than usual, hoping they would be here again. You felt certain they had been at the bar at least earlier in the evening, because there was again a bag of peanuts gone, but the usual extra payment was there as well. You had no idea if invisible creatures could even eat but you’d place your bets on yes, because this one seemed to enjoy salty snacks.

“Are you here again? I’d like to talk to you if you are.”

No answer. Maybe they were just really shy? You kept talking.

“You know, at first I wondered if you were here to tell me to do my job better, since you always leave this place in neater shape than I do,” you chuckled.

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242 notes - Posted September 16, 2022

Simple Comforts

Pairing: Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson x F!reader

Summary: You're on your period and feel crummy, but your husband takes care of you.

Words: 900

Warnings: Reader is on her period. We call Cyclone Daddy in this scenario. If that makes you feel weird, don't read! No hard feelings!

Notes: I have felt so shitty all week and my period only makes it worse, so I wanted some comfort, and I think Cyclone's chest would be a great place to get that. I have no idea if this short thing is worth anything to anyone else but this is what I needed rn! (Also in my head this ties into a larger story I'm working on and that's what the hint of backstory is about but more on that later)

MASTERLIST

“Hey honey! Have you started on dinner yet? Because I was thinking–“ your husband stops abruptly when he sees you lying on the couch looking miserable.

Beau worked long days most of the time, which meant that even working overtime you had still beat him home, though not by much. You’d just collapsed on the couch fifteen minutes ago and not moved since. You hope he won’t mind that you’ll be pretty much useless for the rest of the day.

Beau comes to sit next to you on the couch, brow furrowed in concern. “Is everything alright?”

All of it hits you at once, and tears start welling up in your eyes, now that you’re finally free to let them. You take a while to answer, not really knowing how to put into words how you’re feeling. But there’s really only one thing you need right now.

"Daddy."

It's only a whimpered little plea as you reach for him, but Beau immediately understands. You need him to take care of you tonight, to provide comfort and make sure you’re not neglecting yourself in any way. He jumps into action, pulling you tight against his broad chest. "It's okay, I got you; Daddy's got you," he murmurs soothingly. "Will you tell me what's wrong, sweet girl?"

“Nothing really happened. I just feel awful. My period started, and I had so much to do today but I couldn't get any of it done; I was so tired and feeling really lousy all day. My body and my brain feel like they’re lagging, and I hate it,” you unload, sniffling. “I just– I don’t know, hated everything about myself today. Everything felt wrong and bad.”

“I miss having your couch to rest on when it gets like this,” you continue, voice muffled by his shirt.

“I know, baby girl. I wish I could still give you that.”

Back when you’d been working at the base a couple of years ago, he’d offered you the couch in his private office after he’d noticed how bad your cramps got, and told you to rest there whenever you needed a moment. That was before you two even got involved, and you had appreciated the gesture so much you’d wanted to cry. And then after you did get involved, you would go and lie there in his office for a moment while he gently petted your hair, and you’d feel so much better. You miss having that.

“Have you eaten today?”

“Not much. Felt like throwing up all day,” you grumble.

“Should I get the bucket?”

“I probably won’t, it’s fine.”

Beau is still holding you half in his lap, but he guides your head to look up to him so he can see your eyes. “How about you take a shower? That usually makes you feel better. I’ll get your hot water bottle and some painkillers, okay?”

You just whine in response. You know you’re being a little silly, but everything sounds like too much work right now.

“I know, princess, but you’ll feel better. Then you won’t have to lift a finger for the rest of the day, okay?”

“Okay.”

Beau helps you to walk to the bedroom and helps you out of your clothes, undressing you gently but efficiently. Once he’s seen you settled in the shower, he leaves your side only for a few minutes to fetch the hot water bottle shaped like a teddy bear and the painkillers.

He was right of course; the shower does make you feel significantly less crummy. The hot water soothes your aching body and takes away the gross feeling you inherently get when it’s warm and you have your period.

Once you decide you’ve stood there long enough, Beau is back to help you towel off.

“Can we cuddle now?” you ask, pouting just a little after taking your medicine.

“Of course, c’mere.” He settles on the bed, having somehow had time to change out of the khaki uniform into some pajama pants and a t-shirt. “But you still have to eat tonight too, so I’m making you dinner before you fall asleep on me completely, alright? You know you get sleepy, but you gotta eat, baby girl.”

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242 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

Dubious Times at the El Royale

Pairing: Miles Miller x F!reader

Summary: You have a major crush on your colleague Miles. One evening after a long shift Miles takes some new drug, and ends up thinking he's just having very vivid fantasies, when in reality you really are naked under him, even though you thought you knew better.

Words: 3.1k

Warnings: Please read these! This is over 18 only!! Unprotected PiV (we know better!), !!dubious consent due to Miles' drug use!!, an unknown/unspecified drug, loss of virginity, coming inside without permission. Reader has a lot of guilt over having sex before marriage because she was raised like that and the movie was set in the 60s and not like 2019, so. If these things make you uncomfortable, don't read, thanks! (All ends well tho so it's alright)

Notes: I have never written anything like this before, but something about Miles' face all bloody and pretty made me want to go a touch darker than usual? I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm experimenting. Fortunately, I can thank @hederasgarden and @lorecraft for being absolutely amazing betas and helping me make sense of all this. Love you! Special shoutout to @hederasgarden for listening me talk about this a lot and not hating me for it <;3 Also I'm sorry about the silly title lmaoo

MASTERLIST

gif by the beautiful @a-reader-and-a-writer

You liked Miles Miller. Well, more than liked. Head over heels was probably a better way to describe it. He was so sweet and considerate, always so polite to you and everyone, and not to mention handsome. You often found yourself gazing at him from across the hotel lobby, completely lost in a daydream, until something jolted you out of it and you remembered where you were.

But Miles wasn’t all bright eyes and soft smiles. One time you had accidentally discovered his secret, the addiction he was trying to hide from everyone, and while you had been shocked, you also understood. You had heard how many veterans turned to drugs to deal with everything they had experienced in the war. You didn’t know if you could rightly judge him for that, since you couldn’t even imagine the horrors he must have seen.

Of course, you worried for him a bit, but didn’t want to seem overbearing. It wasn’t your place. You just tried to make sure you were always kind to him in return and helped around as much as you could. You wanted to make his life a little bit easier, make him smile more often.

You weren’t sure if he returned your feelings, though that didn’t stop you from dreaming about it. And sometimes you did feel like he maybe liked you back, but then again it was a little hard to tell for certain since he got easily flustered with most people anyway. Which you found totally adorable.

It had been a really long day. You were tidying up the very last of the rooms, but you were stumped. The previous resident had rearranged the room to their liking, apparently, and you were trying to move all the furniture back into their right places.

Thing was, you were only one person, and the furniture was pretty heavy. You would need help to be able to move them all. Everyone else had already gone home, it was just you and Miles, so you left to go get him. Surely the two of you could handle the furniture easily. Plus, you were thrilled at the possibility of spending more time alone with Miles.

Miles wasn’t at the front desk, so you went to check the storage room where he often went. And sure enough, there he was sitting on the floor.

It was clear from his face that he had taken something already. Probably not a lot, but some. He still looked fit to help you work though, so you asked him to come with you.

Miles even removed his jacket to lift and move the pieces of furniture, and you tried not to openly gawk while his surprisingly strong arms lifted the chairs you were unable to. It was making you feel quite tingly. The bed you moved together since it was so big, and afterwards, when the last piece was in its right place and you had changed the sheets, you collapsed on the bed. Just to rest your legs for a little while.

Miles sat down next to you, and when you turned to look at him, he was watching you with a strange expression on his face. You couldn’t really tell what he was thinking at all.

“What?” you chuckled.

“Uhm..” He pulled what looked like a cigarette out of his pocket. “A guest gave this to me earlier. I was thinkin’ of smoking it tonight.”

“Oh. Well, you can go ahead,” you shrugged, not really knowing if it was a good idea or bad to stay with him here, but you figured you could still talk while he smoked.

“He said it was somethin’ new, but that I would be sure to enjoy it,” he explained while lighting it.

“Are you sure that’s safe?” you asked carefully.

“Yeah- yeah he’s gotten me stuff before,” Miles said, giving a rueful smile. “And it can’t be worse than what I usually do.”

His voice was laced with guilt, and you felt bad for him. He clearly carried a lot inside him.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Though you didn’t know what exactly was okay, you still put a hand on his arm to show him you meant to comfort.

“You’re too good to me, you know,” Miles mumbled.

“Nonsense, Miles! Besides, you’re always so kind to me, too. I like you for it,” you finished shyly.

“You’re like an angel on earth,” he said wistfully, as if he didn’t notice he said it out loud.

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308 notes - Posted July 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Bear With Me

Pairing: Pero Tovar x F!reader

Summary: Pero was cursed when he was young, and now he lives cut off from everyone and everything. You enter his life unexpectedly - will he let you stay?

Words: 9.3k (I slipped)

Warnings: very AU, Pero turns into a literal bear. But nothing major really. Kinda sorta implied possibility of domestic violence? But nothing is ever explicitly said and nothing happens to anyone.

Notes: Oh man, I've been at this for weeks and now I'm ready to not look at it anymore. All born because one morning I saw a picture of a bear and thought "hey, looks kinda cuddly" and now we're here. Also inspired by Beorn from The Hobbit a bit. The title is my plea to you all lmao. I'm immensely grateful for @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange who is the loveliest and offered her knowledge of Spanish to help my duolingo-skipping ass. lly bby <3.

Tagged the usuals plus those who asked/seemed interested.

MASTERLIST

You are lost. Terribly lost, and alone, stumbling through the woods, your only focus on putting one foot in front of the other and getting as far away as you can from what you left behind. Branches have cut into your face and hands, and they sting in the cold night air.

If you’re being honest, you hadn’t really planned this desperate escape very well at all, just seized the opportunity to run as soon as it came. You hadn’t packed clothes, just grabbed your traveling cloak and a little food for the journey. You have some coins, but a fat lot of good those would do if you lost yourself in the middle of nowhere with no inns or markets for miles. And there would be search parties, you knew that. This was all very unfitting and improper for a lady, and truthfully, that was the spiteful spark that kept you going.

That, and the thought of that horrible, vile, disgusting man your family was forcing you to marry. It would have been a good, beneficial match for both families, but you refused to throw your life away and sacrifice your happiness even for such a cause. Besides, you had always dreamed that getting a husband would be your ticket to something better, never really feeling loved or appreciated in your own home. Marrying some old idiot who treats other humans like garbage is not the way. You know the man is violent and cruel, and you do not want a part in that life.

So, you ran away and kept on running, and got lost, and now you're so very tired and cold and thirsty and scared. For some reason, you had thought it would be safer to walk in the woods rather than on the road at night, and in a way, you were right, because you have not seen another living creature bigger than a squirrel for hours. The problem is that in the darkness you had lost your way and were no longer at all sure of the direction nor the goal of your journey. In the darkness everything seems to be moving and staying still at the same time, creeping you out more and more the deeper you go. You think – hope – you were hallucinating when you saw a giant something moving beyond the trees some time ago.

Eventually, you don’t have any more strength to go on and you have no choice but to stop and rest for a while. Your last thought is that you would probably die and get eaten by a bear as you curl into a ball on the forest floor and pass out, the exhaustion overtaking you.

--------

Pero wakes up that following morning not long after daybreak, which is much earlier than he should like, to a very insistent goose honking at him and biting his ankles to wake him up. He opens his eyes just so he can glare at the goose.

“Qué quieres?” he grunts. “You know better than to come wake me this early.”

The goose doesn’t quit honking, and behind the noisy bird there’s also his trusted ewe.

Okay, they must really have something important to say if they both came to wake him up.

“What is it? Is someone hurt?”

The answer is clearly an affirmative, so he quickly moves to get up.

“Lead the way then.”

He is surprised, though, when his companions lead him farther into the forest, beyond his immediate garden, beyond all the stables and little lodgings for all his friends.

There are birds twittering around a lump lying on the ground, which Pero immediately recognizes as a human, not an animal. He had been aware of someone walking in the forest last night, but he had taken off in the other direction as stealthily as he could to not endanger the person and to protect himself from being seen as well.

He doesn’t know how long it has been since he has last been in contact with another human, but he’s sure it’s been several long years. He would rather keep all potential visitors far, far away from his cabin, but he can’t very well leave an innocent woman to die on his land. He would try to help her, as he helped all the creatures he found as best he could, though he has to admit he has never done that for a human before.

The woman seems to be unconscious, because she doesn’t stir at all even when he lifts her up in his arms. Pero makes his way back to his cabin, trailed by the animal company observing the situation. He lays her down on his bed before moving quickly to find some herbs that could help, as well as some food and water, hoping she’d stir sooner rather than later. He leaves the ewe in charge of the situation, knowing she will take the responsibility seriously.

--------

You wake up to sunlight filling your bedroom – only it isn’t your bedroom. Someone else’s bedroom entirely, in a house you don’t remember ever visiting.

You had flitted in and out of consciousness during the night. Day? How long have you been asleep for anyway? What day is it? What time is it? Your stomach growls, saying time to eat.

The room around you is unfamiliar, but the warm sunlight makes it feel welcoming and cozy. The bed is very large and quite comfortable with lovely blankets and pillows. There’s not much furniture though, only a cabinet on the far side from the bed, which you suspect holds clothes and such, and what looked like a basin, presumably for washing up.

New clothes have been laid out for you on the foot of the bed. You faintly remember hearing a man’s low voice a couple of times, and you think you maybe saw a sheep watching you at some point, but you probably dreamed that. Pulling on the clothes you notice that they are ridiculously large on you, the shirt much too broad in the shoulders and the sleeves far too long. You have to roll the sleeves several times to get your hand to peek out of them and tie the pants up with a string. The pants at the very least confirm that these are a man’s clothes, which alarms you just a little, because it seems you are alone in a house with at least one man, and seemingly no women.

Getting ready to leave the room, you are surprised to find a tray of food waiting for you outside the door. There is a fresh loaf of bread, cheese and butter, eggs, a flagon of water, a big pile of berries and fruits, and even a pastry! You come from a very wealthy family, and yet you could not have hoped for a better spread to sate your hunger. The man who lives here must be quite wealthy too, then, and it baffles you that such a man doesn’t seem to have even a maid in his house.

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380 notes - Posted March 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#my 2022 tumblr year in review #sorry to my friends who i harrass all the time #Damn almost 1000 fic recs

9 notes · View notes

ryeriy · 1 year

Text

PROMPT LIST

* at most three prompts per request *

last updated 4/29/23

1. "You're such a nerd"

2. "I've always loved you"

3. "I have no regrets in it at all"

4. "Just this one time"

5. "What about now?"

6. "Is it almost over?"

7. "Why can't you see that I love you!"

8. "Quick it's time to be real!"

9. "No way a stranger just said that they love me"

10. "This reminded me of you"

11. "I'm not blushing. I don't blush"

12. "Oh thank goodness your alive!"

13. "Don't do that! You scared me!"

14. "Boo!"

15. "You look beautiful tonight"

16. "Just shut up and kiss me!"

17. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

18. "I knew you'd come back to me"

19. "Please don't cry"

20. "What can I do to make it up to you?"

21. "It doesn't look like you're okay, you're crying very hard"

22. "I think I might love you?"

23. "Do it just for me, please?"

24. "You're the best"

25. "How can I help?"

26. "Come home as soon as you can!"

27. "Why are you awake it's like 2am"

28. "I need a hug right now"

29. "What is it this time?"

30. "You know you love me."

31. "Please don't go"

32. "I just need to be held right now

33. "Your chest makes a good pillow"

34. "Your hair is so soft"

35. "We should get a dog"

36. "How do you keep winning?!"

37. "Someone's gotta crush"

38. "Do you love me?"

39. "Say you love."

40. "Are you almost done?"

41. "I wouldn't change you even if I had the option"

42. "Babe, you burnt it again"

43. "Well, we're offically a family now"

44. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

45. "Are you drunk?"

46. "Let's just go get eloped"

47. "Why are you wearing my clothes"

48. "Do it for me:

49. "I'm scared"

50. "Don't do this to me"

51. "I got into a fight"

52. "Hey ummm I'm at the hospital, you might want to come"

53. "Wow your baking it amazing"

54. "Babe you didn't have to do this"

55. "Well only for you"

56. "If you insist"

57. "Ladies first"

58. "I'll get you out on the floor"

59. "Can I get your number?"

60. "I'm on my tallest tiptoes"

61. "Me dance? No. Never."

62. "Your not like a regular person"

63. "Oh will you hush!"

64. "I'm still a believer"

65. "I've never been a natural"

66. "I'm trying everything right now to keep you looking at me"

67. "Did I mention I love you?"

68. "Who knew you had a sweet side"

69. "Let me take care of you"

70. "Soon you'll get better"

71. "You deserve better"

72. "Let me just hold you"

73. "I need you"

74. "Do you remember the first day we met?"

75. "I was thinking about you"

76. "Well I can't sleep and it's 2am and all I could think about was you"

77. "Can I help you?"

78. "You're such a drama queen"

79. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

80. "Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

81. "I think I'm wine drunk?"

#ryeriysprompts #ryeriy

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bratshaws · 1 year

Text

through the hourglass 80. brb x oc

a/n: apparently this hellsite can't handle the amount of chapters I have??? 8) so I uh, cut them in half but kept chapter one because it's the main masterlist for all the chapters. IM TIRED OF THIS WEBSITE I SWEAR part 2. this is how it's going to go now folks :(

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: fluff................plus smth else uwu

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

chapter

50/51/52/53/54/55/56/57/58/59/60/61/62/63/64/65/66/67/68/69/70/71/72/73/74/75/76/77/78/79

(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! )

taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @shrimping-for-all @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix

@lizzie-rdj @fanboyluvr @atarmychick007 @comebacktoearthpls

@peachiicherries @mak-32 @lizziespidiepridie @roosterswifey @ollyoxenfrees @piceous21 @sqrlgrl22 @hofficoffi @lexhalstead3 @lorilane33 @legendarydreamersharkparty @luckyladycreator2

@emilybradshaw @j-6o @louisahale @leobabbyyy @kulicny @winter-run @ktjmac @graciereads @bigpoppajes @taytaylala12

@caitsymichelle13 @becks-things @caatheeriinee07 @dhwanishah09 @jesfreedark @katiemcrae @lilmonstrjedi @hobiismyhopeu @teacupsandtopgun @insominac23 @gh0stsgoodgirl

A few things happened before the Hard Deck’s Halloween party:

Evelyn told Jake about the pregnancy.

Jake told everyone in the group chat about the pregnancy

Guillermo was coming back to California.

Beatrice couldn’t believe it when Leonardo told her about it and she felt a bit nervous because the last time she talked with her brother it wasn’t…nice. They hadn’t really chatted fully ever since their argument about their cousins so hearing that he was coming to California was strange.

She even told Rooster that and her husband just looked back at her to say that ‘maybe he just wanted to see you’ which would be understandable. She didn’t know when she’d be able to see her brother, but she’d like to…just so they could resolve everything.

Beatrice sighed deeply,closing her eyes as she sat on the edge of the bathtub, fluffy robe covering her body and the steam from her bath still swirling in the air. She couldn’t help but smile a little when she heard Rooster’s voice as he talked to Nicole downstairs, letting their daughter know of their plans for that day was absolutely adorable and helped her heart feel at ease.

Not only that but she was happy that Nikki could handle being away from them a little better now, she was going to stay with her nonni and her cousins for tonight, Bianca and Éwoyn were already attached to Nicole the moment they met her. Not to mention that Bianca was already old enough to carry Nikki around even without being asked to.

Beatrice rubbed her face before holding it up with her hands as she stared at the tiles beneath her feet, she could see part of her reflection on them. She was a bit tired, she had to admit, thankfully the work with Marcus was at its end so she wouldn’t have to worry about it for too long. With motherhood,the bar and Marcus she was surprised she was still standing…although Rooster always helped her whenever he could and he did a wonderful job.

She knew she needed a bit of rest and she rarely took more than a few days off from the bar…maybe she should talk to Penny about it? She knew her boss would understand,especially because of Jessie now.

“Babe?” Rooster’s voice comes from behind the closed door “Gorgeous,you there?”

‘Yeah,” she says,dropping her hands to squeeze them between her thighs, “I’m here.”

‘Everything okay?”

Oh, he was so sweet. She smiles before replying, “Everything good,Roos. Everything okay with Nikki?”

“Yeah,she’s bouncing around a bit but she’s fine. Aren’t you honey?”

Beatrice smiles hearing Nicole’s babbling from beyond the door, looking down at her robe covered self and finally standing up to open it. The vision of her handsome husband holding their adorable daughter would never tire her if she was completely honest with herself, “Well,hello!” she coos as she leans closer to pick Nicole up, grinning at her baby girl “You look so cute like this, daddy did a wonderful job!”

And he was getting better at dressing Nicole up too, he often leaned towards colorful pants and one of the mini band shirts he was hellbent on buying for Nicole but it was adorable. Right now she was wearing a Fleetwood Mac shirt - the Rumors Album, one of Beatrice’s favorites - and soft blue pants with her hair pulled up in pigtails, “I think I’m getting used to it, isn’t that right honey?” he says gently, kissing his daughter’s cheek, “Anyway, you wanna go get ready?”

“Oh,I will.” she smiles, “I’m glad she had fun with you.”

“She did, we always have fun don’t we Birdie?”

Beatrice smiles up at him, leaning up to kiss his chin, “I’ll wait for you outside.” she says sweetly, holding Nicole close to herself as she leaves the bathroom but not before giving her husband an appreciative look and only looking away when he closed the door, smirking at her. She breathed in slowly, “Alright,so,Nikki.” she smiles down at her daughter, “Here’s what’s going to happen tonight: me and daddy are going out tonight and you’ll have to spend the night with your nonni. Just for a little bit…and tomorrow is Halloween! Isn’t that fun? Your very first Halloween!”

Nicole had no idea what Halloween was but her mother’s happy expression was more than enough for her to smile, “Oh,oh! Roos!”

She hears the showers’ door open as the water keeps on falling “Yeah?”

“Nikki is five months old!” she smiles at the baby girl who was too busy running her hands on the soft texture of her mother’s robe, “Can you believe it?”

“...wait,already?”

“Yeah!”

“Holy shit.”

Beatrice laughs at Rooster’s absolutely stupefied response, the door sliding shut because it was very possible her husband still had to digest how fast Nicole was growing. Their daughter already knew how to lift her head and turn to look at people, she knew how to roll onto her stomach and hold herself up with her elbows, “...soon enough you’ll be going to college-”

“Don’t even joke about that!”

“I didn’t know you were still listening!”

“I have amazing hearing,gorgeous.”

Beatrice just smiles more, kissing the top of Nicole’s head before she settles the baby down on the bed. They didn’t mind having a couples costume in mind…however, Beatrice still had that flapper outfit Shells got her and Rooster had a few other suits he never wore so, two birds one stone!

As Beatrice changed into her costume, she kept her eyes on Nicole at all times, only moving her gaze away when she heard her phone buzz on the nightstand, “It’s probably your grandparents.” she smiles at Nicole, “Wanting to know when you are showing up.” but the second she unlocks her phone to check, she’s surprised to see that the one in question is Guillermo,not her parents.

She hesitates in opening his message, even if she could see it was only the curt message of ‘hi’ and nothing more. She was still unsure about his presence in California, she didn’t know exactly what he wanted to accomplish - she knew he’d never come to the bar either, so she could relax on that part, he wouldn’t show up unannounced there.

Right?

Beatrice was still staring at her phone, debating if she should reply or not, groaning quietly only for her to toss it to the side and focus on anything else but her older brother. Nicole just stared up at her, big light green eyes meeting her mother’s darker ones and Beatrice’s humor lifted completely just by her baby daughter’s expression, “You are so cute, yes you are!” she coos, leaning down to kiss Nicole’s neck, loving how she giggled and waved her hands in the air, “You are the cutest thing ever!”

And Beatrice should think about other things in the end.

It wasn’t like she’d see Guillermo so soon.

The last time she saw her brother in the bar, it wasn’t pretty, in fact it was one of the worst nights of her life since she started working there. But it was the beginning of her and Rooster’s relationship, if it wasn’t for that specific moment he wouldn’t have asked her out and she wouldn’t have accepted so eagerly.

So seeing Guillermo’s name on her phone again she wished to forget. She stood behind the counter, slowly sliding behind Penny and shoving her phone inside the hidden pockets of her dress, choosing to ignore him for now…only for her to stand in front of Michael Myers’ pale face. “You know you can’t hide from him.” Mikey was so creative with his costumes.

Beatrice sent a glare to the expressionless latex mask, looking back to where the phone was and then back to Michael, “I am going to try.”

Her brother lifted the bottom of the mask to pull it up to his forehead, beads of sweat sliding down his cheeks and neck, “Listen, just answer him once you are on break.” he shrugs, lifting the bottle to his lips, “You know he’s not going to stop until you do answer him.”

“Michael, I don't really want to talk to him.”

“I’m just sayin’.” he shrugs, “Rip the band aid where it hurts.”

But Beatrice didn’t want to do that yet, especially considering that her brother wasn’t there, at the bar, with everyone else. She just shook her head, avoiding the fourth oldest sibling by walking away. As she moves however, her humor shifts when she sees Rooster there, leaning his elbow on the countertop and his opposite hand in his pants pocket, “Hi.” he grins, “Don’t you look ravishing?”

She just looked down at her flapper outfit, swinging her hips just so the tiny beads moved along with it, “I feel pretty good, yeah…anyway, second round?”

“Oh yeah,Jake is having a great time,” both of them turned to where Hangman was alongside Evelyn. Both of them were dressed as zombies - of course they were - and Jake had one of his hands atop his girlfriend’s stomach, “At least Nikki will have a buddy soon.”

“Yeah.” Bea smiles, “I think so too. Be right back.” she turns away from him to grab the said beers, only to look back at the three recruits entering the bar. The three men met her gaze, saluted and then awkwardly lowered their hands to give her a wave, one she reciprocated with a smile.

She wasn’t looking but she heard the known ‘sir!’ coming from them as they walked past Rooster ‘you look really good,sir!’ ‘you don’t have to call me sir all the time.’ ‘okay sir!’ she had to bite her lip to hold back the laughter because of Rooster’s tone.

As she returns, placing the bottles in front of him, he just gives her a tired look, “Your fanboys are here,I see.”

“Oh,not you too.”

“What? I think it’s cute.”

Her husband just gives her another look, but this one instead of turning into a glare, slowly slides down her body to where her stocking clad thighs were visible, “Cute,huh? I’ll remember that.” he straightens himself to grab the bottles, still looking over at Beatrice as he backs away from the bar, smirking at her flushed complexion until he turns around.

Beatrice just smiles, turning around to greet another patron only to feel a presence on her side. Big blue eyes stared right back at her, brows low and eyelids narrowed just enough, “Shells?”

“When did you find out that Ev had a baby?”

Beatrice looks from the blonde to the patron - who luckily was too busy chatting with his friends to notice this conversation - and back at her, “Shells maybe we shouldn’t talk about this here and now,huh? Let’s just focus on giving people their drinks.”

“Okay, but when did you find that out?”

Beatrice sighed heavily, turning around to place the drinks on the blonde’s tray, gently turning her around and patting her shoulders, “Go on now, there’s stuff to do Shells.” and while she understood her friend’s curiosity about the subject - something undoubtedly would be the main focus of many conversations for a long time - she knew that Evelyn wouldn’t want ot have her personal life shared within the vicinity of the bar itself.

“Bea,” Penny calls from the side, seeing her boss dressed like an elf was weirdly fitting for her, “Can you please take this outside?” she holds a box filled with paper cups, “The last patrons made a huge mess and I only managed to clean it now.”

‘Sure,Penny!” Beatrice takes hold of the box, looking back to see Rooster’s head already lifted to meet her gaze, “I’ll be right back.’ and her husband immediately stood up, following her outside until she reached the large trash bins.

Beatrice didn’t even have to turn around to feel the warmth that exuded from him, it was like a cocoon that wrapped itself around her no matter how far he was, “Roos.” she begins as she shoves the box into the trash bin, “You didn’t have to follow me outside.”

“Hm,I didn’t, but I wanted to.” he smirks, looking around to check if they were alone to press a quick kiss on her cheek.

“Roos! I’m working!”

“It’s a quick kiss! And Penny is inside and we are alone here.” he whispers, kissing her cheek again, “You can’t be mad at me for wanting to kiss that pretty face of yours.”

Beatrice just giggles quietly, gently swatting his chest with the back of her hand and stepping away from him when she feels his large hand hovering by her hip, turning around just enough to give him a look, “Can you behave until we leave for the party?” his eyes drop down her body then move back up to her face, that boyish grin appearing and making her knees weak.

“I always behave.”

“Do you?’

“When time calls for it.” he says with a half shrug, “God,Bea, I swear there’s not a day that goes by without you getting prettier. It’s unfair.” his wife just blushes a bright red, rolling her eyes playfully as she laughs. “Can I get just one kiss before we go back?”

“You already kissed me.” she smiles, “Besides it’s not my break yet.”

“Please? It’s Halloween.”

“So?” she giggles at his pout, making those lips of his appear even more delicious than they already were, “Tell you what, if you behave well enough tonight…I will…give you more than a kiss later.” she says with her hands behind her back, backing away from him with that cute smile adorning her face.

“Oh?”

“Hmhm…” she drawls out while nodding, “And I’ll use my mouth…for other things.” and she bit her lower lip. Rooster had to hold back, he physically had to clench his legs so he wouldn’t lunge himself at her. He chews the inside of his cheek, the movement creating a little dimple on it as he looks at her face, pursing his lips to hold back his smile.

“Careful.” he says after a while, voice deep and with hints of pure want in every syllable, “Keep talking like that and the later will be sooner than you think.” his eyes follow every shiny bead on that dress, the low neckline that showed some of her cleavage and the tiny particles of glitter that stick to her skin.

“Is that a warning,Lieutenant?”

He inhales sharply, “It’s a promise.” he steps closer to their chests are barely touching, looking down at those big green eyes and red lips with so much desire Beatrice was sure she’d faint because of the intensity, “And you know I never break my promises.”

“I know.’ she whispers, running her hands on the black tie that hid under the dark gray vest, “...you know you look really good like this.” that vest made his broad shoulders appear broader and tapered at his waist in a way it made him look so much bigger than normal. She loved it. She gently thumbed the dark buttons, “We better go back inside.”

“We better.” he smirks, “The sooner you go back, the sooner we can leave.”

“Oh? You suddenly wants me to get out sooner than planned,Rooster?”

“I’d love that.” he coos, gently touching the side of her face, “But you still have your job and Penny needs you.”

Beatrice smiles sweetly at him, quickly kissing the tip of his thumb before walking away from him. Rooster has to wait a bit, chuckling to himself and running his hand through the combed back sandy brown strands as he tried to control his dirty thoughts, Beatrice leaving him alone there as he does so.

But when he looks back up, about to turn to go back inside the bar, he stops. A flash of blue catches the corner of his eye, right on the road and he stops. He moves his eyes around a bit, trying to get used to the certain parts of light within his view, especially the ones closest to the road…he couldn’t see anything.

The only blue car within his view was his own.

Rooster’s brows furrowed, his jaw clenched and he gave another once over around the area just to check. He could swear he saw Eric’s car driving by…but there was no way, he had no idea where Beatrice worked and he doubted that he’d show up at the bar.

Of all places, showing up where most of her friends and her husband were Naval officers seems a bit stupid. But he stands there, still moving his eyes around, a sudden wave of protectiveness taking over him as he tries to figure out if he’s imagining things or not.

“Brad?”

He blinks, looking back to where Beatrice was standing with one of her hands on the door, offering him a confused smile, “What are you doing out here still?”

How could he explain to his wife, and hope she wouldn’t be nervous, that he might’ve seen her ex’s car driving by? And how could he tell himself that? After all, it was all but a glimpse, nothing more than a blue of blue by the corner of his eyes, “...I thought I saw a raccoon.” he lies, and he hates that he did, but there was no proof to his own thoughts about it.

Beatrice looks back at the trash bin, the best she can since it was partially hidden behind the wall, “Oh,again? I better tell Penny about it.” she looks up, pointing at the cameras, “These stopped working too, Penny thinks the salt from the ocean is drying the cables or something.” she then smiles at him, “You coming inside?”

“Yeah, sure gorgeous.” he smirks, “I’ll follow you anywhere, you know that.” and she laughs sweetly from the door, walking inside as he follows - just like he said he would - only to stop and give the street one last look, narrowing his eyes a bit just to be sure there was nothing hiding in the darkness. Once he was done with it, he finally got back into the Hard Deck.

Luckily,time went by quickly and they were ready for the second part of the night: the party. It’d be the second time they went out together as a group ever since him and Bea got together. Evelyn however said she’d pass - for obvious reasons - saying she still had to figure out a way to talk to her parents and she’d need a good night’s rest too.

So, Hangman and Evelyn were substituted by Leonardo and Cynthia who were more than happy to have a good time at a party - how long has it been since they’ve had the chance?- with Michael to boot! Michael just said he was going for the free drinks, nothing more, but they knew he’d have fun.

They waved Penny goodbye, before Rooster opened the passenger door for Bea, offering her his hand so she could get inside, “Miss.”

“Oh you,” she laughs but accepts his hand, kissing his lips sweetly, “Ah, there’s lipstick on your face, hold on.” she wipes it off with her thumb, smiling at the result, “There, all better now.”

“Hmhm.” Bradley smiles,kissing the inside of her palm, “All better.” he watches as she gets comfortable inside the car, tossing her back on the back seat as he closes the door. He turns one last time towards the street, this time only being able to see their friends’ cars leaving and nothing else.

Bradley could look more, but he felt Beatrice’s soft hand touching his as she window rolled down, “Brad?” she calls again, softly, furrowing her brows “Ready to go?” and he licked his lips and nodded, giving his wife a loving stare before he walks to the driver’s seat.

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