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clowncollectr · 1 year

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Arknights - Won't you look at me? (Liang Xun / Lee) - Chapter 1

Rating: G (this chapter), E / M (whole story)

Word Count: 2021 (this chapter), 11117 (whole story)

Summary: The person he’s spent his entire life looking at has finally noticed him and returned his feelings. A lifelong dream come true. Lee should have already been satisfied with just this. There was no need to monopolize his attention. But he still wanted it.

Notes: This has an established relationship setting. Compared to my last work, it falls more on the comedy side I think. My initial goal was to try to right something that would get me a rating above G on AO3 LOL Don't worry though. The part that actually earns this an Explicit rating is Chapter 4 and you can just skip it since it's just smut at the end. The story itself is very tame! Finally, I made a few memes about this story if you wanna check those out and see which ones start to make sense as you read this :)

AO3 Link

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Extra

Chapter 1 Lee’s tail lightly patted the chair he was sitting in over and over. It was as if his tail was irritated for him. He quietly sipped his tea to keep himself calm. Not annoyed at all. He glanced over at the man across the room, who was currently discussing something that looked important with a coworker. The man pointed at something on a piece of paper he was holding, and his coworker leaned over to take a closer look. Just then, the young lady’s eyes brightened and she smiled, taking the paper back into her hands. She bowed politely to the man before walking away. Lee’s eyes narrowed a little.

Even now, you’re still the type of person everyone can depend on. It’s no surprise that you’re so popular.

Ever since he and Liang Xun had started dating, it was Liang Xun who took the initiative to travel to Lungmen and visit Lee often. He had argued with Liang Xun about it at first, upset at the realization that he was putting his political career in jeopardy just to visit him. This person was too important to be fooling around like this. Lee had waited decades for him. Even if it wasn’t what he preferred, he could wait several more months or even years to see him again.

“Don’t you dare throw your dream away just for this”, he had told Liang Xun, outraged.

But it was a mistake for him to underestimate this person. For each of Liang Xun’s visits to Lungmen, he always found a work-related reason for his travels. Remarkably, he has never wasted his time during any of his visits, and it even began to affect his reputation favorably. The ever diligent magistrate Liang Xun, who takes time to improve diplomatic and economic ties with other cities on top of his already extensive duties. The quality of his work did not decline at all with the added responsibilities. What an admirable leader.

I forgot how terrifying he can be when he puts his mind to something, Lee thought, shuddering a little. Maybe he, Huai, and Liang Xun had become friends simply because they were all different flavors of crazy.

Regardless, that was how it is. Against all odds, Liang Xun had found a way to consistently meet with him despite them living in entirely different cities with entirely different professions. The crazy bastard. But it left Lee feeling a bit guilty. Between the two of them, he was the one with more freedom to travel. He owned his own business after all. He can come and go as he pleases. So why is it that the high ranking government official was the one knocking on his door every few months? Eventually, everyone at the agency had gotten tired of having to open the door for him, so Lee just gave him his own key to the house. It’s because of this that Lee finally decided to take a vacation and visit Shangshu again. Waai Fu, Aak, and Hung are all grown up now. They can handle things while he’s away, and he’s saved up enough money that taking a laid-back trip like this wasn’t much of a problem. He thought he’d surprise Liang Xun and come visit for a week or two.

This was a mistake.

He should have given him a head’s up. Because when Lee arrived at Shangshu, he quickly learned that he had arrived at the worst time possible. Of course it would be when he decides to take a break from being a detective that he’s punished for not doing his research. Just his luck. Apparently, this season is an extremely busy time for Shangshu and its local government. It was around this time that the government revisited many policies related to tourism and commerce. It was a big enough event that a public conference was held where any citizen could attend to learn about what the government wanted to change. It also gave citizens the opportunity to hear from and ask any questions they might have to the government officials directly. Naturally this meant that Liang Xun, the city’s magistrate, would be in attendance as well. And unsurprisingly, he was immensely busy with preparations for the event at this time.

When Lee finally got ahold of him, all Liang Xun could do was apologize and offer him anything he could possibly want, including the nicest room at the magistrate’s residence with all of his expenses paid for during his trip. But Lee didn’t come to this city for a luxury trip. He came here to spend time with his lover. It wasn’t long before he found himself wandering around the bustling city, feeling bored and somewhat lonely. Eventually, he got sick of his aimless walks. His current situation made him feel like he was an old man in a retirement home. Finally, he thought:

Well, I came here to see Liang Xun. Why not see what he’s up to?

After all, the place where he was currently working was open to the public. So that’s how Lee found himself in his current situation. Watching Liang Xun from afar, somehow feeling more miserable than before. It really was his own personal hell, being forced to watch the man from a distance, knowing that he would only be interrupting if he approached him. It was like some cruel joke. Everyone is allowed to approach Mr. Liang except for his partner, the one who loves him the most. So irritating.

The worst part was that he’s now suddenly being forced to witness the extent of Liang Xun’s popularity. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that his coworkers were quite fond of him. Based on the expression on some people’s faces, it seemed like having to go to him for help was more like a reward than an inconvenience. And Lee, perceptive at reading people as he was, could easily identify which people looked at Liang Xun in more ways than a coworker should. It didn’t take him long to figure out which people had some affection for the man. It shouldn’t have been a surprise to him. This person has a successful career, a good personality, wealth, and of course, he was fairly attractive. They had decided to keep their relationship discreet since they were both well known in their respective cities. As far as the public knows, the alluring magistrate Liang Xun is still very single. Lee clenched his teeth and rubbed his palm across his face.

What a stupid thing to get upset over , Lee thought to himself, feeling more than a little foolish.

Anyway, it didn’t matter. In the end, Liang Xun had chosen him. The way these other people feel wouldn’t change that. Still, Lee didn’t like being left out. He had to admit, ever since Liang Xun started visiting him more often, he had subconsciously gotten used to monopolizing the other man’s attention. He was like a child who had become spoiled after finally getting what he wanted after a long time. But now he was more like a burdenbeast trudging along sadly with a carrot dangling in front of him. Look but don’t touch.

As he was thinking this, he watched another person approach Liang Xun. This time it was a casually dressed man with a lanyard and badge hanging from his neck. Compared to the other people here, he wasn’t dressed in any sort of uniform and his mannerisms were more relaxed. He carried a pen and paper with him and had begun taking notes the moment Liang Xun spoke back to him, nodding in acknowledgement. Probably a journalist.

Lee watched the two talk to each other with a lazy curiosity, half staring in a daze as he wondered what they were talking about. Suddenly, the journalist laughed and lightly slapped Liang Xun on the shoulder a couple times. The Kuranta looked a little surprised by the sudden physical contact but retained his professional and courteous demeanor. Lee on the other hand, was incredulous, not quite believing what he had just witnessed.

This person is several ranks above you! Why would you treat him like your best friend, especially while you’re conducting an interview like this?!

He seriously couldn’t believe it. Lee has conducted several interviews because of his line of work. He understood the importance of keeping the atmosphere casual and informal so as to not make the other person nervous. But really, this was just unprofessional. This would be like if he and Wei Yenwu were out in public, joking together with his hand on the other’s shoulder as he laughed. Lee scowled. What an absurd mental image. He got up from his chair. He’d seen enough. This whole situation was bad for his heart. And admittedly, he was also disappointed with himself for being so immature. This kind of thing wasn’t a problem for him in the past. Why is it such a touchy subject for him now?

Without even saying goodbye to Liang Xun, he excused himself.

In the end, he was right back to what he was doing before. Wandering around Shangshu’s city districts. After his last trip to this place, he’s had his fill of sightseeing the Seventeen Peaks this place is so famous for. Although the city’s attractions didn’t interest him too much either. He’s only been here for a couple days, but it already feels like he’s visited everything that might have been of interest to him. In the first place, he was not a very materialistic person so most of the shops were like backdrops to him. Just part of the scenery. He had to admit the food was good. He’d killed a bit of time going to some restaurants here and there and trying menu items that he typically wouldn’t find in Lungmen. But activities like eating a meal or drinking tea…well, these kinds of things were always more enjoyable when you had company. He thought about doing some investigative work. Maybe look for more leads on Huai’s whereabouts, but it felt like it would be defeating the point of a vacation. He’d been working pretty diligently for the past month or so, having promised himself that he would take a well-deserved break once he found the chance.

Without realizing it, Lee found himself staring into the display window of a shop he’s already passed several times before. He wasn’t particularly interested in anything, absentmindedly gazing at the items on display. Again, shopping wasn’t really his thing. His eyes fell upon a pair of golden spectacles on display not too different from the one he was currently wearing. The main difference being that this one had a more ornate design.

Hmph. What a waste of LMD. Why bother with fancy stuff like this when you can get something that’s both cheaper and more durable. This kind of thing, it’s only good for getting other people’s attention.

. . .

He had an idea. A very embarrassing one, sure. But he was bored and on vacation. Wasn’t this a time when he was supposed to be doing whatever he wanted?

Lee looked back at his own reflection through the glass display. He thinks the way he dresses is just fine, even if his kids like to tell him that he dresses like an old man. His attire was comfortable, easy to move around in, and not so eye-catching that it got him into trouble. It was the perfect outfit for a detective to wear. But right now, he wasn’t playing the part of a detective. He was a lovestruck fool that thought it would be a good idea to surprise his lover with a sudden visit, and he hasn’t been very successful on that front. So maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea. He was bored out of his mind anyway. It was impossible to ask for the other person’s attention at this time. But if he would look his way, even if only for a little bit, even if just to acknowledge him, then…then…

Lee decided that he had nothing to lose and entered the store.

#miko the clowncollectr's fic tag #LiangLee / 梁鯉 #lee arknights #liang xun arknights

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rockislandadultreads · 2 years

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Read-Alikes: Horse by Geraldine Brooks

French Braid by Anne Tyler

The Garretts take their first and last family vacation in the summer of 1959. They hardly ever leave home, but in some ways they have never been farther apart. Mercy has trouble resisting the siren call of her aspirations to be a painter, which means less time keeping house for her husband, Robin. Their teenage daughters, steady Alice and boy-crazy Lily, could not have less in common. Their youngest, David, is already intent on escaping his family's orbit, for reasons none of them understand. Yet, as these lives advance across decades, the Garretts' influences on one another ripple ineffably but unmistakably through each generation. Full of heartbreak and hilarity, French Braid is classic Anne Tyler: a stirring, uncannily insightful novel of tremendous warmth and humor that illuminates the kindnesses and cruelties of our daily lives, the impossibility of breaking free from those who love us, and how close - yet how unknowable - every family is to itself.

A Shout in the Ruins by Kevin Powers

Spanning over one hundred years, from the antebellum era to the 1980s, A Shout in the Ruins examines the fates of a diverse cast of characters connected to Beauvais Plantation in Chesterfield County, Virginia. When war arrives, the master of Beauvais, Anthony Levallios, foresees that mastery in a new America will be measured not in acres of tobacco under cultivation by his slaves, but in industry and capital. A grievously wounded Confederate veteran loses his grip on a world he no longer understands, and his daughter finds herself married to Levallois, an arrangement that feels little better than imprisonment. And two people enslaved at Beauvais plantation, Nurse and Rawls, overcome impossible odds to be together, only to find that the promise of coming freedom may not be something they will live to see. Seamlessly interwoven is the story of George Seldom, a man orphaned by the storm of the Civil War, looking back from the 1950s on the void where his childhood ought to have been. Watching the government destroy his neighborhood to build a stretch of the interstate highway system through Richmond, Virginia, and recognizing that his days on earth are coming to an end, he travels south to try to fill in that void. With the help of a young woman, he goes in search of his beginnings, all the while remembering the life that witnessed so much change during the 20th century, and so much that didn't. As the narrative finds that young woman farther in the future, now in her middle age, the questions remain: How do we live in a world built on the suffering of others? And can love exist in a place where for 400 years violence has been the strongest form of intimacy?

Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Gyasi

Gifty is a fifth-year candidate in neuroscience at Stanford School of Medicine studying reward-seeking behavior in mice and the neural circuits of depression and addiction. Her brother, Nana, was a gifted high school athlete who died of a heroin overdose after a knee injury left him hooked on OxyContin. Her suicidal mother is living in her bed. Gifty is determined to discover the scientific basis for the suffering she sees all around her. But even as she turns to the hard sciences to unlock the mystery of her family's loss, she finds herself hungering for her childhood faith and grappling with the evangelical church in which she was raised, whose promise of salvation remains as tantalizing as it is elusive. Transcendent Kingdom is a deeply moving portrait of a family of Ghanaian immigrants ravaged by depression and addiction and grief - a novel about faith, science, religion, love. Exquisitely written, emotionally searing, this is an exceptionally powerful follow-up to Gyasi's phenomenal debut.

The Last Wild Horses by Maja Lunde

Mikhail lives in Russia in 1881. When a skeleton of a rare wild horse is brought to him, the zoologist plans an expedition to Mongolia to find the fabled Przewalski horse, a journey that tests not only his physicality, but his heart. In 1992, Karin, alongside her troubled son Mathias and several Przewalski horses, travels to Mongolia to re-introduce the magnificent horses to their native land. The veterinarian has dedicated her life to saving the breed from extinction, prioritizing the wild horses, even over her own son. Europe’s future is uncertain in 2064, but Eva is willing to sacrifice nearly everything to hold onto her family’s farm. Her teenage daughter implores Eva to leave the farm and Norway, but a pregnant wild mare Eva is tending is about to foal. Then, a young woman named Louise unexpectedly arrives on the farm, with mysterious intentions that will either bring them all together, or devastate them one by one.

#literary fiction #fiction #to read #tbr #TBR pile #booklr #library books #reading recommendations #book recommendations #book recs

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sonyadance · 9 months

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Travels and Dancing 19

Back to our scheduled program. No seriously, I need to write more of these: maybe every six months? I’ve been slacking. In my defense, life has been crazy. Is it ever not though?

The last Travels and dancing was a short list of what I could express after the year I had gone through. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Obviously, I didn’t realize it while I was in it. In fact, when I met him, I thought I’ve never felt so respected and safe and I felt like I could be myself. How could that go wrong? Well… we met in Mexico. He was on vacations, and I was there to stay for a while. We had a good time and I thought nothing more of it. Then he called me to know if I wanted to come to Toronto to see him and see if it could develop into something beautiful. I thought about it for a month and a half (which is really long for my normal speed), and then I said yes. I sent most of my stuff with a stranger back to my parent’s place because it felt too much of a commitment to get to his place with my house in my luggage. He told me I should have brought it all. He welcomed me with open arms. He asked me if I wanted to have kids. We went to Montreal to get all my stuff. We moved in, and then… and then, I don’t know. I’m still confused about the whole thing. I know why I stayed: I’m secretly petrified that I’m a bad person (and that I resemble my mom in certain unhealthy aspects), so when the small comments started, I thought: Of course! I’m not perfect. If I was, the relationship would work. I need to work on myself more. I started going to therapy with the premise that he was amazing and I was broken. And it continued until I was only a shred of the person I used to be. I thought dance left me. I thought nothing was possible anymore. And then I found out some… things (and I’ll assure you, what you’re thinking was there -talks of other women-, but that was the least bad of the whole thing). I panicked. It jerked me out of my trance, I called my father and he left at 5am from Montreal on a Sunday to drive all the way to Toronto to pick me up and my stuff and be gone before my partner would come back. That’s all I’ll say about this for now.

Then I got to Montreal and my body started acting up. I was sick, not feeling well emotionally and physically, but at the same time, I had a feeling of freedom and that I could do anything, dance was coming back, all I thought was, wasn’t true. I finished schoolwork for the year in a week and went on a high trying to reorganize my life, find an apartment and much more. My body didn’t like it. I started doing medical tests and then I left for contracts I already had booked, which are really important for me to honor.

BTO Open was the beginning of me seeing the contrast in my real world from what I had been living in for a year: people appreciated me, were nice and full of love, I wasn’t a piece of shit. Wow. I had an amazing time teaching my intensive about mental preparation for competition, dancing with everybody, chatting, competing in JnJ and Strictly (which I thought I wasn’t going to do because I felt at 10% and someone told me: even at 10% I’d like to see you dance). I had amazing dances and placements, which I normally don’t care so much about, but I needed it as I was in the first stages of putting the pieces of myself back together. And of course, spending time with Nelson as we could through the event to create a short, fun routine for the Saturday night show. I needed that. The fun, the camaraderie, the expression, firing up some creativity. Thank you to everybody that was around for the weekend.

Then I drove all the way to Toronto with some good friends so I could catch an early morning flight to Victoria where I was teaching for a week. I got there and felt really tired. Oh well, it’s pretty normal before an event. I thought two full days of privates and I crashed. I was supposed to go skiing and I had to cancel last minute. I tried to handle myself, but it was really bad and I ended up in the hospital (which, if you know me, I don’t go to). I was petrified that I caught something and was going to make everybody sick, but nobody got sick. It was really my body. I managed to teach all my Saturday workshops, they asked me if I wanted to cancel, but I had to do it, for my mental health. I postponed my departure, finished teaching some privates, got a bit better and I left on a cross-country trip to bring my car and my things back to Québec. Oh yeah, I think I skipped that story. In the fall, I was visiting my best friend who had moved to BC, my partner was supposed to join me there. He postponed because of some work things, then called to say he wanted to break up, had packed all my stuff and where did I want him to send it. So I was stranded in BC with only my carry-on, I freaked out, he changed his mind and came back, said he loved me, I decided to keep trying, but I didn’t want to go back to Toronto because I needed to have some self-respect through it all (should have had more). I had a little bit of money aside that I had been piling up for years in the hopes to have a cash down for a house and as things were going, I realized that I was never going to achieve that with the meagre amount I had, so I decided to buy a used car, built something to sleep in it and go explore Victoria and the community there. I’m skipping a lot of details, but that’s basically why I was retrieving my car to now go settle back in Québec.

I took the ferry to the mainland, discovered how much I love to drive just for the sake of having time in my head: nobody to talk too, no internet, no distractions. I went all the way to Castlegar where my friend lives and visited for a few days to spend time with her and the kids. They are amazing, a beautiful family and it was really interesting to see how their personalities had change even from the fall to the spring. My friend and her husband have been there for me since the fall and the mess in my relationship and I hope they know how much it was appreciated and essential to have a safe haven were I could catch my breath for a while.

Driving through Banff, I got to Calgary Dance Stampede. I haven’t done many country events before, but I will say: I loved it! I found everybody nice and relatable, and I absolutely loved doing the Invitational JnJ which I learned was five dances to be determined on the spot… with a twist. So 2m before going on stage, I asked Marc Davidson if he could give me a run down of the rhythms and specificity. It went a bit like this: cha-cha it’s the same, two-step obvisously slowslowquickquickslow…, waltz you know, wcs ok, polka chasse up chasse up – no up on turns, east coast ok… anyway, it went beautifully. I got to my first partner, whom I’d obviously never danced with, and they called a waltz. Perfect, I got this… without touching each other. I had a long sleeve jacket still on: I took it off, put it around my shoulders and had my partner hold the sleeves. We did a beautiful waltz across the floor which some people called cheating, I just called it smart. Then it was a chacha. Ok… with crazy rhythms change throughout. A dance, which I don’t even remember the name, that is not even part of the 8… everybody looked a bit silly on this one, so perfect for my skill level. Then came the line dance. A 64 counts line dance with two walls that we had to learn on the spot and then face the leaders to create this cool effect. Things were going fairly well, they had said we had to do the whole things twice, so after that, the lady called out: Do whatever you want! Which she said because half the people were messing up the steps, but I took as a call to… do whatever I wanted. I ended spinning on my butt and crawling on the floor with some hair flip and John Lindo walking over me. I think that’s what did it. We ended up with a polka/wcs. I got 5th place for the follows and I’m actually really proud of it even if nobody cared about the placements. 😊 After more teaching, judging, dancing, hanging out with the staff, I left early Monday morning to continue my road east.

I somehow miscalculated the number of days I had to get to my next gig in Toronto and thought I had to drive 12h/day. I did that the first day. No. Just no. Not fun. I crashed when I got to my hotel and thanked the lady who made me a salad even if the restaurant was closed because she saw how weary I was. The next day I drove 10 hours, which is more human, but still not super fun, only to realize I had one more day than I thought to get to my destination. I did 7 hours, which was smooth in comparison and then 5 hours the next day. 5 hours is ideal if you are on a road trip: you actually have time to enjoy, smell the roses and get to destination. I finally made it to Toronto where I was welcomed as my home, met with some of the best people in town, taught a workshop and privates, danced and left for the last leg of the trip.

I was so happy to make it to Montreal, to my parent’s place. At first, I was really adamant in finding an apartment for my return and make sure I had a home, but being able to stay with my family for a while really saved my ass in all the ways possible. I got settles into the room they had emptied and prepared for me, and again, I felt a surge of love I haven’t felt before. I think there were always a lot of people who loved me around, and I knew it, but I didn’t properly feel it. After that relationship, the contrast is so stark, that there is no other option than to feel it! I have to admit, the rest of the return to Québec wasn’t smooth at all: I received a bill from the Victoria hospital that I had to pay and supposedly get reimburse by Québec (they paid a 1/6 of it…), I learned that my car had to get inspected to change province and started an epic run around to get all things done to stop paying the 256$/month insurance associated with the BC car insurance system, it ended up costing me 3000$ for unuseful things, more organizational and financial stuff came up, and my body crashed completely. I think it knew I was done with my main contracts and I had a break. I ended up on a list for surgery, needing to cancel a month of work, only to get a call three days before telling me they had to postpone to next month. I still haven’t done the surgery. I think I’ll ride it out as long as possible: I don’t see an option were I can cancel another month of work in the near future.

Change of topic to brighter things. I had an amazing weekend with Flore that we organized at a big chalet in Québec, only for women. It was a soft, touching, slow paced weekend, where beautiful connections were made. I then flew to Arizona to coach one of my student, I had been coaching online for months, but had never met in person! It was a beautiful weekend, with a workshop, lots of privates, walks in the park, ended up in the first pride parade of Tempe, a nice game night and a visit to the desert botanical garden. I started coaching again in Montreal, choreographing for people, and then I got to Liberty. Honestly, preparing for the opening ceremony with all my peers, I hadn’t seen in ages, was probably the highlight of my weekend! I had a blast being there, seeing everybody, dancing, judging, teaching privates, walking around the area and competing. Strictly was on Friday and although we didn’t make it to finals, I was really happy with how we presented ourselves. By Sunday, when JnJ was, I was completely exhausted… I hadn’t recuperated yet from all the health stuff and I got carried away with wanting to social dance and be out and about all weekend. So yeah, JnJ was pretty horrendous from my part. Life happens. 😉

I went to TOSHC in Toronto for the first time. It feels so good to be at a hometown event. I also love the crossover events where you get to meet new people and mingle and exchange with pros from another genre. The hustle room was awesome, the west coast swing vibes were impeccable, and the Invitational was… insane! I’m not sure how many dances total ended up in there: it was initially supposed to be hustle and wcs, but there was salsa, chacha, twostep, balboa, lindy, rumba, and more! And let’s not forget the all-skate where things went sideways in the best way possible and where Stephen and I did an impromptu lift, I wish we had on camera!

Rock the barn came with its midnight sun, beautiful people and fresh air. As always, it’s my favorite event of the year. It’s the mix of dancing outside (well, in open air barns), eating delicious meals at the cafeteria with everybody, teaching tons of lessons, having heated technical discussions with the staff in our little house, dancing with everybody, feeling relaxed even if I work the most of all year, the pre-event barbecue, the tent crawl… this event has personality. I got to share it with one of my favorite person this year: Nelson Clarke. And last, but definitely not least, I dared to teach a concept I had been wanting to teach in wcs since I started osteopathy but didn’t know if people were actually going to be receptive. And omg they were! I had a whole class of advanced and AS touching each other’s forearm for about 45m and everybody loved it. Some even said it was the best AS class they had done. The concept I talked about is so important in how you approach your partner and to make sure you get the best response out of your partner: them feeling relaxed, free in their body and trusting. I taught it twice now (the second time not to a wcs crowd) and it needs to be an intensive. I think 4h would be ideal to start and get a good feel for it… anyway, more on that in another blog. Feel free to contact me if you want more info and for me to come teach it in your city. 😉

I came back to Montreal, went and stayed with my grandmother since she just got surgery, and it was really a blast: I hadn’t spent time face to face with her since Covid… wow. I taught a workshop, privates, packed my bags and left for a magical road trip. A student from Toronto met me in Montreal and we drove to Halifax stopping by an auberge by the water I had been wanting to visit for years. It was the perfect set up and felt really peaceful. We then stopped in Moncton, and I found this beautiful cycling trail by the water, so I woke up early before the end of the drive to get a move on. I am so thankful for my student who found this bicycle rack for me and allowed me to spend time on the best cycling trails on the east coast. I had the most magical welcome in Halifax, in a beautiful home, by beautiful humans, who even went online to find vegan recipes and food they could cook for me. It was so good, and I was so full by the end of the weekend! We had a beautiful Friday dance by the waterfront, and I put my eyes on an island I wanted to go visit. Saturday were the workshops and teacher’s training, then dinner with the collective. Sunday morning, a group of people came with me to George’s island and we had beautiful weather for the dancing barbecue in the afternoon. I even found time to go to two pole class during the weekend in between all the activities, the workshops and the privates.

I decided to go to Prince-Edward-Island since I had already crossed most of the provinces by car this year. The only one I’m missing is Newfoundland. I tried to make it work, but it was too much of a detour. One ferry over, a detour to visit Charlottetown and I got to Stanhope for cold beach time, some car camping, improvised folk songs at the campground, a peaceful bike ride by the ocean, and… my first fire! Almost… I had to go ask a park ranger to help me. I felt a bit ashamed to ask, but they told me people asked all the time. Turns out, everything was really wet and even the ranger’s skills weren’t enough to make the fire go. We fortunately got rescued by a neighbor, his axe and hand sanitizer. That’s the cheat code! In the morning, after getting poured on all night, I felt like I had to leave in a hurry. I drove and crossed the confederation bridge, and they closed it soon after because of wind gusts and heavy rain. Oufff… saved by intuition. I drove through New Brunswick, visited the giant lobster and started looking for a coffee shop as I was exhausted of driving in torrential rains. I found a Manor coffee house and made a detour to get there. There was no sign about it being anything else than a house, but I was so desperate for my drug of choice (besides chocolate, wine and cheese), that I decided to ring the doorbell anyway. A lady in a nurse uniform answered, I said I was looking for a cup of coffee, and she sat me at a table. She brought me a coffee and told me that this wasn’t really a coffeeshop (no kidding), but an integration house for people with mental disabilities. One of the participants came to my table with another coffee he had made just for me, while another one made me toast. They were so happy and awesome. I sat and chatted with some of them for a while, while ingesting way too much caffeine for my own I good. After being asked out by one of the man, and giving a donation to the center, I left for the rest of the road. I got to Carleton-Sur-Mer for more car camping by the sea. My original campground was flooded so I had to be moved and I cooked dinner under the rain. There was just enough time in the morning for me to get another amazing bike ride by the sea, a quick swim in cold water, a warm coffee and leave for another wet dry. This time there was fog also. So I saw nothing but fog the entire time on winding mountain roads. It was still beautiful and unique, although not the desired view. I just found the concentration it took a bit exhausting.

My friend Jade, whom I studied dance in Cegep with, met me at Parc Forillon. We both car camped, which was fortunate cause… rain! Omg. That was the theme of the trip. Some people’s tent were not as waterproof as they thought, our neighbors got stuck in the mud on their site, all the trails were closed because of the water, we tried and sort of managed to start a fire literally in mud. Everything was so wet, that the logs were leaking and created little pools of water. We deiced to drive close to Percé to see a waterfall spot where the water is transparent and supposedly beautiful… it was closed. You guessed it: the water went up and ripped the installations, so they had to close the site. We still had a nice boat ride around Rocher Percé and I managed to get soaked by standing at the bow. The main reason for this entire trip, was to see the Show of the Rising Sun, which happens every year in that park as part of the End of The World Music Festival (not because the world is going to end, but because it’s the end of the land, the most eastern tip). You have to get to the site before 4am, the artist starts singing, set up at the edge of a cliff, and as the show goes on, the sun rises and gives up another show. You bring your camp chair and they serve you coffee and a little sweet. This year, we were camped right besides, so we woke up and walked 10m to the show. Klo Pelgag was the artist, which I hadn’t heard before, it was amazing. My friend left and I stayed one more day to enjoy an hour on a nearby beach and a beautiful, and hard, bike ride in the hilly coast… before it started pouring again.

I left the next day in pouring rain and more fog to meet my friend in a nice little auberge on the coast, have a drink and see an outdoor circus show. You enter the woods on a wooden bridge while the artists are set up in different spots around. Then you get to three sides of three stories high stacked containers with bug screens where you will sit and watch the show. They are set up on a cliff. The use of the lighting (the show is at night, in the dark), the tramp wall they built, aerial dancing, catapult on a net that comes down from the cliff… the whole thing is brilliant in the use of the space. Well worth the ticket. The next day I visited a bird watching site before heading to Quebec City. I taught a workshop and privates, went dancing and got hosted by really nice people. It was only two days, but filled with dance, love and really resourcing relationally.

I found a campground at Petite-Rivière-St-François, which is situated at the bottom of one of the biggest skill hills, by the water. The camping is a coop that is super well organized with a little coffeeshop, one shower for all, a youth hostel, a community room, and a community fire. I heard a lady talk about a free show on the village’s quay. A beautiful woman created the character of a bird-woman with huge wings. She sings opera with the water in the background and brings you in her world. It was truly magical. A new friend from Québec ended up meeting me there. We had a beautiful bike ride by the water and an intense hike on the mountain. I was burning up with my long sleeves and pants, that were needed to counteract the mosquitoes, when we happened by a waterfall. We found a calm spot in the water, stripped down, and got some much-needed refreshment in the one ray of sun that came out that day. I thought to myself afterwards that I’d love to have a picture in that set up, but when would the opportunity ever come? We came back down and back up to see a point of view before it started raining. Obviously. I finally managed to score tickets to a show on the mountain I had been wanting to see and had been full for weeks. We drove 5m to the bottom of the mountain and waited for dark. They got us up on the ski lift, which they slowed down, and as we progressed to the top, we saw an inspiring light and music show they set up on the ground beneath us. We then walked in the mountain with a lantern that was provided, got to the next chair lift where we went down in darkness with a magnificent view of the St-Laurent’s River and the lights of far away villages on the other side.

Finally, if you are still reading, we are almost done! I drove further east on the north coast this time around (I drove over 4000km in two weeks), to get to Up The Moon Festival. What a treat. You get to the land, drive in for a while and park your car, then have to walk a while to get to the site where there is a movement space, a workshop space and a show space. People are camping everywhere, there is a coffee and cacao tent, a sacred tipi, some food, only cash accepted, no cell phone connection or internet at all, only a couple Sanivac, no running water, and beautiful people. My favorite spot was the sacred tipi: it had a fire and a guardian running 24/7, with sacred chants and a beautiful energy. The opening ceremony was powerful and made me feel like maybe I’d want to stay in Quebec for the first time in my life. We got more downpour the first night and after having my feet wet for the last three weeks, I decided I had enough and went to my car early for some reading and slept beautifully. The next morning, I walked to the river decided to get a natural bath and go in naked. I happened by a professional photographer I had met before at the river mouth. Funny how life works. So after my river bath, I asked him for some pictures: it’s amazing to be able to have a visual reminder of a favorite feeling! I went to a few workshops and then I taught my Conscious Partner Approach workshop which is the same concept I had taught in Sweden, adapted to a different crowd. Everything felt so right the entire weekend. I didn’t stay up late that night again and left early on Sunday after another river bath. I stopped by Quebec City to see my sister and her three daughters. We had a bunch of fun in the pool and I got asked if I was still young enough to have babies… I said I still had a few years. More questions came about why I didn’t have any and if I was going to have some… I replied that I needed to find a nice man who’d want babies also, to which I got told by a 9 years old that it wasn’t true, that now I could do a baby by myself. Well f*&*. Now I’m rethinking my entire life…

I’m back in Montreal now, with my energy levels going up, tons of projects in the making, and I want to make sure I still pace myself, so I don’t burn out again. This was an extra long Travels and dancing, maybe to make up for the fact that the last one was so short. Thank you for reading until The End. (of this one, not my life) 😉

#travelsanddancing dance westcoastswing festivals love

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jaydenheartstaylor · 1 year

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Music & Mental Health

I know Taylor has helped us all through a lot but I’m gonna talk about 2020. The first half was because of the pandemic, but the second half was seasonal depression. So, not a good year for me mentally.

March 2020

We all know what happened. Everyone was home, drove me crazy, but I finally listened to reputation (since the vibes weren’t something I was into in 2017) and I fell in love. I realized it was such a good album. I guess timing is everything because I really needed it in those moments. Everything was dark, I started writing darker lyrics, I wore darker colors, I would tell myself everyday not to talk, and I was in college, taking classes that were new to me: audio production and design. I ended up with highest honors on the dean’s list after that semester. A crazy accomplishment.

November 2020

I was living on campus at college, and I had a boyfriend (who I plan on marrying next year?), and I couldn’t have asked for a better school year. Until November hit. Little did I know that I would get seasonal depression. I didn’t understand why cause I was so happy there. I had freedom, friends, a boyfriend, and everything Id wanted in a college year. Maybe it’s because I had a lot of super high highs and when that slightly dwindled, I was met with super low lows. I even wrote a song called November Fire about how bad it was. It lasted into like January I think? It was hard. At this point, we had folklore and evermore. I remember specifically there was a day I was supposed to go hang out with my boyfriend and I couldn’t get out of bed. That had never happened to me before (and it’s only happened one other time since).

Skip To Today: March 2023

Here I am. Without a job again. I graduated May 2021, but I feel so behind and like a failure. But my constants in life are: my boyfriend, writing songs, the Taylor fandom on Instagram, and Taylor. I’ve put out a collection and an album on Spotify. I just went on vacation last month. And now I’m awaiting tour to start tomorrow.

Timing can be everything, and I know that not a single person will read this, but writing is my way of processing things, and here I am.

@taylorswift @taylornation

#taylorswift #taylornation #swiftie #swifties #tstheerastour #taylorswiftedit #taylor lurking #minneapoliststheerastour #music #mental health #writing #journal #diaryposting #tumblr diary #tumblr blog #tumblrlife

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xocontinentaldrift · 1 year

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I miss myself.

I have this strange thought sometimes, when I'm waiting for my son to come out of school to the car at the end of his day. Or maybe at the end of my own day, which is much longer than his. Or when I'm chopping onions, or paying bills late at night. Or just staring into the mirror and dismayed at how tired and desultory I look, with my eyes drooping from fatigue and my gray hairs popping out from the waterfall of black that was the mane of my younger adulthood.

I try very hard to “be present,” and to enjoy the gifts of my life. Appreciate how engaging and sweet and curious and smart my little boy is. Appreciate how hard my partner is trying. Our cozy, cheerful home, the meals we have together, our trips and memories and shared laughter. It's all good, but I still miss myself.

I miss waking up and reading for an hour in bed, just lost in the beautiful world painted by another person’s words. I miss peace and quiet. I miss having the entirety of my focus and energy to myself, even for just a few hours. I miss not having to cut short a shower because I have to pick up someone, or make dinner, or return emails before the end of the day. I miss wandering in a new place by myself and spending time just watching people. I miss freedom.

I know this is just growing up, or adulting, or the inevitable decline into the endgame of mortality in a hyper-capitalistic age. But sometimes as I imagine myself through an outside lens -- me, sitting on the sofa with Verizon customer service trying to activate a locked iPad, or filling out some dumb form -- I think, “Is this really all it adds up to?” How did my precious hours get eaten up by so much LIFE ADMIN? I used to think that grown-ups stopped evolving and growing and learning because getting older was inherently limiting. But I think that isn't true, at all. My drive towards curiosity and adventure and freedom and creativity are still there, still burning inside me. It's just that the time and energy I have to pursue and cultivate them are just eaten away by inept Verizon customer support. Thus, self-alienation.

I read somewhere that age 47 is the unhappiest year of the average American life, the year of the mid-life crisis. I have to admit, it is a struggle to sustain happiness here. I look around and so many of my peers in my age group are burned out. Feeling stuck. Feeling overwhelmed with obligations to tend to aging parents and young children at the same time. Tired. There are so many divorces now, so many separations, so many job shuffles. These all come with great cost.

"I miss myself" is really about missing youth and freedom, though to be real...I don't want to be in my 20s or early 30s. (I would love to be in the dark side of my 30s again, though!) I miss the possibilities of youth, the lightness of burden and freedom from high-stakes responsibility.

I'm not writing anything new, of course. Honestly, this is me just venting because my kiddo has been on Christmas vacation from school for over a week now. And for over a week, I haven't been alone AT ALL. It's slowly driving me crazy! Actually, I may just be crazy already. But the midlife malaise is real. I'm trying hard to maintain energy and positivity but my energy is sapped. My spirits are low at times, and I'm pulled in a million directions. I have no answers, just a desperate inchoate feeling that something has to give.

#dailylife

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confessionsfromthebarbietreefort · 2 years

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Can we just talk about summer break….

I’m not really sure why this feels like my first real summer break I’ve had in years. Maybe it's because Benny is more independent now. Maybe it’s due to having our first real structured school year for kindergarten? What ever the reason, it’s taking a bit of time to adjust. It is the strangest feeling to wake up and think “What are we going to do today?’ If I’m honest, it's almost like a reckless freedom. An open ended day that could wander anywhere. I haven’t wandered very much. I sit most morning clutching my day planner feeling like I need to write something grown up or extremely productive in it. Though I’m not really sure why. I could abandon all reasoning and watch tv all day, except we don’t have a television. I could sit on the couch and eat junk food and waste the day away, except we don’t have junk food in the house, and when I sit on the couch its usually to read a book. I’ve really fun proofed myself over the years and I fear I’ve grown into a very responsible adult. Though quite by accident. I now think about wild crazy stuff like shuffling around money in our budget to sneak off to Goodwill and buy a book. I mean when will this party train ever stop?

This flows over into Benny as well. I continually fight the urge to entertain him when he tells me he’s bored. I usually say something lame like “creative people are never bored!" as I wonder what I’m going to do next myself…because creative people are never bored. Just sometimes. Do you know what creative people struggle with? The gap between their creative highs. It's true. I love nothing more then when I know an idea is brewing. I can’t see it yet, but everything tells me I’m about to have a new idea about something. It's when I feel like my creative coffee pot is unplugged that the restlessness starts. It’s funny because you can walk around your mind and try to go into rooms that you’ve stored ideas or things you’re interested in, only to find the door locked for some unknown reason. I get frustrated because I think “Hey this is my idea!” And my brain’s like “not today it isn't.” This is usually the time Benny wants a snack and I panic and wonder if I can muster the creativity to make a sandwich. I think this is where the idea of fruit shaped animals came from. Some creative barren soul panicked and was looking for a little self redemption. I hear you fruit sculptors of the world! I'm still obsessing over how to make those salami rosettes for my charcuterie board.

Wait. Where was I? Oh yes, waiting for my next creative inspiration, while trying to relax and not be over productive, but begging to be overly creative on my summer vacation. In the meantime, I’m sure grocery shopping will be taken to the next level tomorrow.

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ppersonna · 4 years

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right here - jjk | m

↳ summary- a cruise with your best fuck buddy takes an interesting turn.

↳ rating- explicit/18+/nsfw

↳ pairing- jeon jungkook x reader

↳ word count- 1.6k

↳ genre- REQUEST, smut

↳ warnings- fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (wrap it UP), slight dirty talk, exhibitionism, teasing, creampie, whew lindy you sure have a niche kink that you must write about in every fic huh :/ this is all smut im sorry that there’s bare minimum plot lol

↳ a/n- here’s my first drabble request for jk! i’m excited to give cherry koo his time to shine. i’ll be working on all the requests ive been given and making nice little banners for them too. thanks to @ladyartemesia and @taetaewonderland and @chimoona and @sombreboy for reading over this and helping me not want to quit writing lol

This request was “I could just pull your bikini bottoms to the side, no one will notice.”

Jungkook stares at you as if you’re his last meal, and he’s a prisoner on death row.

It’s shameless the way he ogles you. He doesn’t even wear sunglasses as he stares at your long legs unabashedly while lounging on the secluded deck of the cruise ship. You can see the way his eyes trail over your body, following the beads of sweat that trickle down from the beating of the hot sun.

“Jungkook,” you murmur quietly. “You’re staring.”

It shakes him out of the daze your body put him in—the spell he always falls under when he gets a look at you in the tiny bikini you wear when you want to avoid unsightly tan lines.

“Was I?” He asks as he licks his lips and takes a sip of his beer.

You smirk fondly and continue reading your book. Jungkook doesn't stop staring. His eyes rest on your chest, watching the way your breasts lift and fall with each breath. You can tell he’s getting worked up now by the way his thighs tense as he tries to control himself.

A delicious thought crosses your mind and it makes you smirk.

“Hey,” you speak as you turn on the lounge bed towards your stomach, exposing your backside to the hot sun. “Could you help me lotion up my back? I don’t want to burn.”

Jungkook stills for a moment, visibly swallowing. You idly wonder if teasing your best friend and fuck buddy like this is going too far. But, he did mention something about seeing a girl named Jessica next week when you get home from vacation and maybe it’s best if you remind him just what he’d miss out on. You couldn’t help the jealousy building inside of you at the idea of Jungkook with another woman.

“Alright,” he says after a moment of consideration.

He sets his cold beer on the deck and stands, adjusting his tight swim shorts as he does so. You can’t help but grin, knowing he needs his adjustments due to the precarious situation you’ve put him in.

He locates the white bottle of sunscreen lotion and squirts a hefty amount into his palms and rubs them together, before kneeling over your body. Each knee brackets your body and he hovers over your ass, swim bottoms exposing clefts of your lower cheeks. You can feel the way his knees tighten around you, hold you tighter.

The lotion is cold as he places his hands on you, rubbing small circles on your lower back and working his way upwards, ensuring the white cream is thoroughly blended into your smooth skin.

“Shit,” he murmurs as he caresses you. The skin of your body drives him crazy. You feel like silk and he wants to run his hands all over you. Both hands work eagerly now, no longer focused on the sunscreen and instead on the way your skin feels under his touch.

“You okay?” You ask coyly, turning your head towards the cherry-headed boy above you.

“Fucking tease.”

You stifle a laugh with your hand and wiggle your hips gently.

“You caught on quick.”

Jungkook grunts as his hands tug at your bikini bottoms, snapping the elastic against your skin.

“I could just pull these to the side,” he muses as his hand trails hot on your covered ass. “No one would even notice.”

You bite your lip as the fire within you roars to life. His hand slides down to the exposed skin your bottoms don’t cover, the cheeky globes tempting him to expose more.

“I could just fuck you right here.”

You chance a glance around you, noticing the upper deck of the ship you’re on is still deserted save for an old couple far on the other side.

Jungkook notices your glances and chuckles.

“You actually want that, don’t you?” He asks, tugging the fabric that covers your core to the side. “Little exhibitionist, aren’t you?”

He exposes your pussy to the open air of the ship and you can feel the slight breeze that accompanies the heat of the summer sun.

“Kook,” you whine as your stomach tightens. You can feel him push it even further, exposing the lips of your cunt to anyone who walks by.

He grabs your hips and lifts slightly, stuffing the towel underneath you in a ball to elevate your hips permanently.

“Gonna fuck you right here,” he states as he unties the string of his shorts and pulls them down just enough to allow his cock freedom.

You can’t help but stare at the way he grips his length, stroking gently as he lets his eyes wash in the sight of your silken folds.

He releases his length to tease a finger at the slit, then pushes inside you fully with the digit.

“Wet already? Are you that excited at the idea of me taking you right here? Letting me fuck you stupid on the deck?” He smirks as he speaks and spears in another finger, dragging a quiet moan from your lips.

He scissors you apart and watches as you gasp for air, hands gripping the warm plastic of your lounge chair. Jungkook’s fingers feel so hot, so thick inside you.

Once he deems you satisfactory, he pulls from within you and smears the slick from his hands on to his cock.

“Mm,” he sighs as he pumps himself, head tilting back in pleasure. “You ready, baby?”

You nod quickly, hips elevated and pussy dripping in anticipation. Birds chirp over heard and you can hear the dull sounds of people around on the ship, and the crashing sounds of the waves hitting against it as it plows through the ocean.

“Shit, this is so hot,” he groans as he rubs the head of his cock against the slick folds he just exited moments before. “Can’t believe you’re letting me fuck you like this.”

“Please,” you whimper. “I need you so bad.”

Jungkook looks proud at your desperation and hisses as he pushes himself inside the scorching heat of your cunt.

“Fuck,” he whispers as he bottoms out. Your brain short circuits, only capable of thinking about Jungkook and the way his length stretches you open and feels like fucking heaven. His cock is sun-warned and he smells like sweat and coconut sunscreen.

“You’re so hot,” he grunts as he begins to pull his length out. He marvels at the way his cock shines with your slick arousal, before he pushes back in and groans at the sound of the wetness squelching with his thrusts.

“Fuck me hard, please,” you beg. Your voice is broken, needy and you’re desperate for him to move faster.

“As you wish,” he sighs as he sets a pace. He whines as your back arches and he takes the opportunity to grab a bunch of your hair and tug your head back.

“Look at you taking my cock right here,” he murmurs. “Naughty girl getting fucked for anyone to see.”

You keen at the feeling of pain at his grip on your hair, and it makes your eyes wide as you gasp for air.

He keeps going, pistoning his hips and watches as your ass bounces with each thrust. He can’t wait to fuck you again and again in the privacy of your cabin, so he can watch your tits bounce in his face. But he loves the exhibitionism of taking you here, hot cunt exposed to anyone who happens to walk by.

He can feel himself coming close to the end, balls tightening in anticipation. It’s the thrill and rush of being caught that spurs him closer and closer, and the sounds of your delicious squeaks and whines for more.

“You want to cum for me, baby? You want to cum so hard the whole ship knows how well I fuck you?” He asked as he increases his speed and lets go of your hair, opting to grip your hips with both hands. “Let everyone know, baby.”

Your eyes squeeze tight as the knot in your stomach pulls so tight until it snaps, cunt pulsing wildly around his cock and gripping him tight. It makes him gasp as you moan—body milking him for his own release.

“Shit, look at you getting my cock so fucking creamy,” he bites his lip as his length gathers your juicy finish, painting his whole cock white.

The final spasms of your pussy sends him reeling and he groans as he feels the pulses of hot cum pump out of him and fills you up. Your breathy moans quicken as you feel him empty himself inside you. You can’t catch your breath, over-exerted from the high of your orgasm catching you off guard.

Jungkook stills as he lets himself come down from bliss, before he gently pulls out of your spent hole.

“Oh shit,” he groans as he watches his cum trail out with him. He catches it with his fingers and pushes it back into you, causing you to squeak at the sensitivity.

“Let’s go back to the room,” he demands as he moves your bottoms to cover your cunt once more. “Keep it all in there and I’ll eat it out of you.”

You jump up and nearly spill his beer as he adjusts himself back into his shorts. You’re grabbing your things and Jungkook snorts a laugh.

“Shut up,” you pout. “Let’s go.”

You grab his hand and drag him off the deck and towards the hallway of rooms that leads to yours.

Jungkook smiles and stares at you, soaking in your tanned skin and messy hair from his grasp.

He definitely knows he won’t be able to stop staring any time soon—and he doesn’t think he wants to either.

#bts smut #bts jungkook #jungkook smut #bts drabble #bts fic #jeon jungkook #ficswithluv #heartsforbtsnet #bangtanarmynet #ksmutclub #btswriterscollective #goldenclosetnet #maknae smut #bts maknae #bts maknae line fic

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billionairesitgirl · 3 years

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Do you have any tips to help someone who keeps failing? I have been trying for several years now to get started and feeling more and more hopeless every year. I have attended $$$ events, lost weight, moved closer to major cities. Then of course COVID struck and made things worse. Is there something I can do that can help me gain an "in" or are certain things just not meant for some girls.

KEEP TRYING !!!

Yes i screamed it... but that’s because thats the most important thing in succeeding.

Secondly Congrats on taking the steps and trying.....

(THIS MIGHT MAKE MAKE YOU NEUROTIC.... If you already are then DO NOT DO THIS)

The following is also important

1.) Have you asked your self why you keep failing?

Take a pen and paper and spend an entire day by yourself. Think, play things over in your head and Analyze.... This is probably the only time i truly suggested, over analyzing the crap out of your life, decisions, faliures and successes.

(a) What mistakes, do you keep making? or What mistakes do you think you keep making.

(b) what makes them mistakes

(d) who and/or what would this action work on

2.) List your obstacles ... Every single one you could think of...

Make 3 categories

.....Obstacles you have gone through - What caused it? who caused it? (Regardless of who caused it... You owe some responsibility... so still own up to it... But remember BE KIND to yourself...)

There is a fine line between being kind to yourself and completely absolving yourself of any responsibility when owning up to the responsibility of things gone wrong

......Obstacles repeated - How do you NOT repeat this Again?

.......Obstacles Imagined and Obstacles that could still happen (based on different things, character flaws, finances, men’s personalities, race, looks, nature) Get as detailed as needed.

Man plans and God unplans ...

However, as humans we have ability to at least create contingencies... try to come up with possible contingency plan and POSSIBLE action on how to still not stand still when one of those obstacles appear... Basically figure out another way to scale through, wiggle through, swim through... whatever way (As long as there is life, health and will... there is a way.... After all people have clawed out of dungeous using only a stick or even their finger nails)

3.) What have you tried that didnt work? or keeps failing... List it

4.) What ever #3 is that didnt work... What is the alternative that you haven’t tried.

5.) Clearly you see this as an investment if you have lost weight, moved etc... What is missing in the picture? (I don’t know you, nor have I spent time with you or know your thinking process or views... So this is something even if you dont know what is missing... You have to sit and think... Sleep on it, give it time but remain introspective but be mindful to know when clarity presents itself.

Being brutally Honest with yourself is the only way to know what is missing and where you are missing.

Example: I met a gorgeous black girl A few months ago. From the get go, I knew she was hypergamous... The men also knew. But there was something missing and i couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Until we were all talking with the men present.

She carried herself as a pretty girl, sweet and bubbly... But she made the mistake of trying to emulate the white woman’s countenance... So she could be doted on same as a white woman... I can’t explain this in detail.

But while it is good to emulate things noteworthy in other people... She lost her self and her own personal spark. As a black woman... She avoided the pitfalls of a stereotypical black woman (quote on quote)... in the process, she mistakenly lost her goddess quality and blended in with the rest. The men moved on from her.

My Point is: WHAT IS MISSING... Are your run of the Mill? What is your core

6.) Standard -

Do you have set standards? expectations of yourself and of the Men and of your surroundings?

Do you keep it? Do you up hold it or do you switch or lower it under pressure?

Not to give too much information... I refused to live in the poor neighborhood when i moved off college campus. I lived in a condo and lived Smack in the center of the wealthy part of the city. I was not in this lifestyle then... But it was simply my standards... And even though it meant staying on campus longer till i got it... I did that.

Example 2: I have friends who do not care what hole they enter to get entertained (granted you can meet people anywhere)... But I am not the type that goes out very often... So why will i waste my few outings in some frat boys bar or club. So I go to high end places.

Example 3: I met a man who recently sold his company with upwards of $80 Million... I wasn’t told... I was aware of the process and listened to him through the proceess complain about delay in the closing and trying to avoid tax etc

He was deperate to meet me in person. As a matter of fact the day he closed. He flew me to his city (I went cause i was bored). Long story Short... He is the type of man that got lucky... There isn’t much in terms of comparison... Thinks he knows everything, thinks himself black people’s savior and makes comments such as “If there were black women like you”... Has some racists views he doesn’t think is racists... I met his friends... I liked one (But he just recently got remarried and was the smartest of the bunch). They had pissing games who had thr most rolex collection etc... He was crazy about me... Still is even without so much as a kiss and i spent a weekend there. (Had my own hotel room)

But, I knew while the money was there, he was generous and was crazy about me... It would drive me nuts being with him and interacting with his friends... My standard here is that I won’t deal with any man who so much as stresses me mentally especially as I am a black woman... I won’t take nonsense.

My Point is : What do you compromise on that you do? It is a long road being steadfast to your standard... But it has been worth it for me.

Do not use anyone’s standard... Create your own and work on keeping it... Men will despise you for it... But respect you all the same.... It is a weird placed to be.

7.) What type of events do you attend. When you attend events, go out etc... What do you do? How do you approach these events? Do you wing it? Do you plan it? Are you fearless and confident or shy or just pleasant enough to exchange pleasantries alone? What vibe do you give off?

How do you dress? Different styles can come across different ways... Some ooze Sexy, some ooze elegance with a hint of sexy, some basic, some regular, some say just another event person

8.) Closer to Major cities : what part of that do you live? Even if you are not in the center of things... Where do you go when you go out? How often to do go to wealthy areas, who do you interact with there?

There is a plethora of questions who have to ask yourself.

With Covid I have met people (but then, I work for myself and have more freedom to move around and also take mini vacation in other cities) And I already have a network... So, I have a leg up -

But, I know girls here and people are also still meeting people.

What is stopping you? What avenues and methods have you tried? Have you thought outside the box?

Hopeless? No... Wrong direction... As you fail you learn things that dont work so that should make you hopeful.

Also, I am a big beliver in manifestation and law of attraction. Feeling hopless will only make things more hopless...It will attract more faliure...

Find ways to think more positively, ways to turn negative things into potentially positive things... In this case you do not have to be rational... Imagine everything negative happening has a positive...

e.g : A man cancelled on you = It wasn’t meant to be... It might have turned into a terrible situation for you... Thank God or the universe for saving you from whatever it is you arent aware of.

eg : Covid happening : Time to make more money, invest. Brush yourself up, level up some more, learn new ways to meet this men and become more resilient so you come out fire when, the world isnt tupsy turvy

e.g : Getting older: Perfect, the more sure and certain you become in yourself, the more you actually find out what makes you stand apart, the more you find out who you are and realize that whatever amount a man was going to give you last year, you’ve outgrown it with age, maturity, acheivements etc.

You get the gist.... NEVER FEEL HOPELESS

You can feel sad... But not hopeless... Dust yourself up and try again...

Maybe one day i will take time out to share some of my own short comings and faliures... Cause i think we share the successes much more; that people think there aren’t mistakes and faliures and short comings... I have had them, and I continue to work and fix them.

The only thing is after my introspection... and brow beating myself and figuring it out...i don’t like to dwell on the faliures... I put my self to work updating myself. Besides I think sharing more good news brings more good news and vibes... But, there isn’t anyone that can claim to not have had obstacles and faliures.

Finally: My sister beleives everyone has a destiny... But everyone is also capable of changing theirs...

With regards to your question... About certain type of girls ...

The Answer is NO...

Some people might find it harder, or lack the resources and know how

But trying, pushing ones self, acquiring knowlegde and doing whatever it takes (of course within reason and comfines of morality ) Is what makes the difference.

As i write... I know women who took their entire savings to go to ST Barts for New Year... (Would I? NO) But some would... My point is.

You will go as far as you are capable of seeing yourself go.

So if you want a change in your pattern... You have to break the wheel... Try something new you haven’t tried yet... And a new approach.

Question for you: “Gain an in?” Into what circle do you want an in? What type of man

#hypergamy, #datingtips #sugardatingtips #sugardatingadvice #levelup #levelupadvice #sugardatingtip #sugardating

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sarahlynnirl · 3 years

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Losing my best friend - Sugar Daddy culture is not empowering

I finally feel strong enough to talk about this and hopefully get some love, support, and reassurance from other women who agree that this is fucked up. I’ve never been “terfy on main” before so here goes. (TW child abuse + SA but no graphic descriptions of SA)

My mother is a narcissist who financially and emotionally abused my father and myself, with some additional physical abuse of me, for as long as I can remember. My dad made plenty of money but my mom controlled it all and made sure it didn’t go towards anything for me beyond the bare minimum required not to look obviously guilty of child abuse and neglect. I met Kiara (not her real name) when I was a junior in highschool and she was a freshman. Her mom was a single Korean woman doing her best to support Kiara and her 2 sisters while also running a Korean restaurant. My first jobs were a summer camp counselor and fitting room attendant at Forever 21. I would spend the last scraps of my paycheck making sure Kiara was able to order a full meal when our friends went out to dinner, buying her little gifts, and generally trying to keep us both as happy and healthy as possible.

When Kiara graduated highschool her mom drove her into Koreatown New Jersey, got her a room in the apartment of an acquaintance, and basically left her to fend for herself. Kiara spoke barely any Korean. She began working at a Korean salon where she met Ariana (not her real name). She had a NY cosmetology license, not an NJ one, while Ariana was an illegal immigrant from Korea so they were both overworked, underpaid, forced to work overtime, paid under minimum wage, and deprived of their tips. They couldn’t report or complain about this since they were both working illegally.

Kiara had to pay rent for the one room she occupied despite her land lady yelling at her, walking into her room while she slept, banning her from having friends over, and reporting to her mom if she spoke to a guy on the phone or a guy dropped her off. I was working at a restaurant in my college town on top of my classes and doing my best to keep surprising her with little gifts, but neither of us had enough disposable income to afford to visit each other. This was really difficult for me as she was my favorite person in the world and I was used to spending every second with her when we both lived in upstate NY. Ariana got them both to start using SeekingArrangement for one time meet ups with Sugar Daddies where they were paid anywhere from $200-2000 for sex. “The first time I ever did it I walked out of the hotel and just screamed because I was so disgusted and I was thinking about his wrinkly skin touching mine and all I wanted to do was get in the shower and scrub it off but I had $1000 cash in my hand for a couple hours of work which was so crazy and kinda made it all worth it ya know?” - Ariana to me

I was immediately skeptical and a little grossed out but Kiara genuinely seemed happier. She was buying new clothes for herself, ordering food to the apartment when she was hungry, and taking trips into NYC to have fun with Ariana and her friends. By the beginning of the summer of 2019, Kiara had found the Sugar Daddy who she would establish a long term agreement with and who ultimately ended up completely supporting her. I’m not going to say his name here but if people want to know it just ask, I am willing to share. He moved her into a much nicer much bigger apartment with Ariana as her roommate. He paid for me to fly up and visit her, and all of our activities during this vacation. I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I’m so sorry. I wish I shoved the money back in her hand before it was too late, I wish I worked harder and longer hours and got us an apartment in Florida and paid both of our rent. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t listen to my instincts and allowed her to brush off my concerns. It was the most freedom we had ever had, I ran around NYC by myself while she was at work, and my ex took the bus to NJ from upstate NY and joined us for a few days. I feel so selfish but I also didn’t know how bad things would get.

One night Kiara and I went to NYC for dinner with her SD and she took the bus back to the apartment because she had to work early the next morning. It made sense for me to stay in the city because I was supposed to visit my friend at NYU the next morning. In the Uber to his apartment alone with him he was drunk and high and I very clearly looked scared shitless. At this point she was 19 (but she had looked that way since age 17 and I doubt he would have minded if she was lying about her age), I was 21 and he was 44. He seemed offended by my discomfort and was basically like “jeez relax I’m not gonna touch you, I really care about Kiara I think she’s so amazing, just go to the guest room and sleep, make a left to walk to NYU when you wake up.” I peaced the fuck out of there early the next morning.

After that summer Kiara and Ariana quit their jobs at the Korean salon and sugaring became their sole incomes. Ariana was still doing one time meet ups, not nearly as financially stable as Kiara, and got herself into a lot of credit card debt that to my knowledge she’s still in. At this point Kiara was flying down and staying with me in Florida so often that people at my college thought she went there too. I also wasn’t working at this point because college had gotten harder and my ex was fucking up my mental health real bad. He had given me a coke problem and Kiara sending me “grocery money” was enabling me to continue. I wasn’t honest with her about where all the money was going. During Halloween week we didn’t know that she couldn’t just snort molly (MDMA) with the frequency I was doing coke, she ODed, my guy best friend took us to the ER, it was so fucking scary, she got IV fluids for 2 hours and made a full recovery, she stopped doing molly, I kept doing coke. I’m so sorry :(

In November her SD paid for us to take a trip to Cancun Mexico. He was with us for the first part of the trip and this is where things started to get really bad. He tried to be my friend and act the way a boyfriend of my best friend who was my age would, but it was creepy and wrong and I was so uncomfortable. He asked about my drug use in a way that was gross and shamey and basically him seeing me as the “coke whore” stereotype...while continuing to buy me more coke. He also brought and gave us ecstasy pills. He asked really invasive questions about my relationship with my ex, why I stayed, my sex life, etc. It felt like an uncle asking me these questions, I did NOT wanna talk about any of this with him. But from what I did say it was very clear to someone with 44 years of life experience that I had an abusive mother, an addictive personality, and was in an unhealthy relationship. He offered to set me up with an SD friend of his looking for a sugar baby. I of course declined because I always knew this was a boundary I wasn’t willing to cross. No matter how bad my addictions got I would NOT give up that piece of myself in return for money.

In this part of Mexico, drugs that were only given with a prescription in the US were available over the counter. Kiara and I got a little box of 1mg Xanax with my money. My ex had given us Xanax a couple times in NY and we had fun with it, but at this point in time we did NOT have a problem with it. We had bought one bar, broken it in half, and each took half one night of Halloween week and called it “xanpires”, but this wasn’t something we were scripted or buying regularly from plugs. We went to dinner with her SD, we got up to go to the bathroom, and she immediately slipped and hit the ground. I was like woah did you take one of the xans and forget? Because we were supposed to tell each other if we were taking one so we could look out for each other. I was never mad at her! I never wanted money from her! I was just a little concerned, and once I determined that she was safe we thought it was kinda funny that she had taken a xan without realizing and started joking around about it. Her SD of course didn’t understand how a 19 year old and 21 year old girl joke with each other because he was a creepy old man, decided that we were “arguing”, and got up from the restaurant, walked across the street, bought a 90 count bottle of 2mg xans and gave it to me. This was honestly the most irresponsible way someone has ever treated me in my life, and this is coming from someone with an abusive and neglectful parent. Google “benzo withdrawal” if you’re not familiar with it.

We went to a different hotel, and Kiara and I both took xans and blacked out. I passed out on the guest bed, while Kiara was awake but in a conscious blackout. I woke up on the couch on the balcony (which was fine, it was comfy and I saw the sunrise over the beach. The gross part was that meant her SD had picked me up, put his hands on my body while I was unconscious and carried me out there). I remembered that at one point I had woken up, wanted to go to the bathroom or get something from inside, caught a glimpse of what I thought was them having sex, and went back outside. I mentioned it to Kiara and she had no memory of it whatsoever, she thought all she had done was gone to sleep. She was rightfully pissed the fuck off that her SD had taken advantage and done things with her while she was blacked, screamed at him, he gave us a half ass apology, and bought us more stuff (buying our silence). He finally flew home and we got to enjoy the trip with just each other, but I was careless with the dosage of a drug called tramadol, and I ODed with my head in her lap...I’m sorry. When I woke up I was hallucinating, hearing voices, crying hysterically and terrified. Kiara called my ex who asked how many mg I took, told us I was 100mg short of the amount that would require medical attention, made me laugh, and told me to go to sleep. I recognize how scary and unfair to her this was and I really do take responsibility for my actions. The day I was supposed to leave I did ecstasy, hooked up with a guy from Canada, and tried to skip my flight. She was mad because like yeah what the fuck. She got me on the flight, the ecstasy comedown hit, and there’s pictures of me crying in the airport because I hated when we fought.

I was supposed to stop in Miami, then fly back to my college town but while in Miami I texted my granny that I was “sad and really didn’t feel good and could she and my uncle visit me at the airport and bring my uncles dog?”. Her parenting instincts went off that something was very wrong, made me skip the flight, picked me up from the airport and took me to her house where I immediately threw up and ran an extremely high fever that night. She said it was one of the scariest nights of her life and she kept checking on me to see if I needed to go to the hospital. She drove me back to my college town where my guy best friend took me to the ER and it came out that Kiaras SD, in addition to giving me drugs, had also allowed me to drink Mexican tap water throughout the entire trip. I was treated for that + given chlamydia meds just in case since I’d had unprotected sex in a foreign country. I was fine, promised to do better, Kiara forgave me, things started to go back to normal. Except I had begun taking Xanax daily to deal with the anxiety of the illness...and she had a trip to Bali planned.

During that trip things managed to get even worse. She was there with her SD and another Korean friend and her SD was pressuring her and guilting her into sex, isolating her from her friend, going through her phone, and becoming extremely aggressive. She would call me crying and having panic attacks and I would walk out of class to try to comfort her over FaceTime. She did not have panic attacks before this trip. She begged to go home early because something was very wrong but he said it was a waste of money and kept her in Bali until the planned end of the trip. I think it was almost a month. She sent me a recording she secretly took of him screaming at her and her saying “don’t touch me, don’t grab me like that, leave me alone”. When she got back to the US I was begging her to stop. I was so worried for her safety. I said the money wasn’t worth it, we’ll get jobs, please just stop. I’m pretty sure he read those messages. We also had a suspicion that he had installed spyware on her phone but were never able to prove it. At this point I also reached out to my dad for help and his response was basically “I don’t care, not my problem, focus on school”. I reached out to my granny who absolutely cared, but her response was “I’m sorry but I can’t afford to support her, I have to focus on taking care of you, if she won’t stop this you’ll have to stop being friends with her”.

I went home to New York for winter break, suffered through my first round of Xanax withdrawal and was truly trying to get better but my ex manipulated his was back in my life and got me addicted again....but now this bottle of 90 had run out. I went back to my college town, got scripted, and was copping street bars when my script inevitably ran out early. What comes next is blurry for obvious reasons. We moved to the town in Florida my granny lived in and got an apartment together. The female friends she made in our town (my current home) she got most of them into sugaring and using SeekingArrangement. Things deteriorated super fast at this point. I was struggling hard, failing my online classes, and eventually got completely financially cut off by my parents. My granny was paying my half of the rent and my puppy’s vet bills but I was too embarrassed to admit I couldn’t afford groceries. Kiara was pressuring me hard to go on SeekingArrangement but I still refused. I would sit on the floor of the bathroom in a towel after I showered and just cry because the steam made me nauseous and dizzy since I wasn’t eating.

I met my current boyfriend and something just started to click: I didn’t wanna live like this anymore. The mom of a friend from this town who also refuses to sugar landed me an interview at the gym I currently work at, I fought for the job, and I got it. Now I knew I didn’t wanna be completely fucked up all the time anymore but I was still doing enough Xanax to keep me out of withdrawal. The 2mg that had blacked me out at the beginning were now just barely enough to keep me functional. Kiara and I were fighting frequently and bad by this time. She and her partner in sugaring, Mena (not her real name but pretty close to it, fuck this bitch fr) were expecting me to keep how they made their money a secret....from friends and guys that I saw every single day. They both very obviously did not work and were flexing new cars, designer clothes, and cash all over their social media. Kiara thought she could cover her ass by saying she dealt drugs but it was also obvious that she wasn’t putting the time into that to come up with the amount of money she had. The only one dealing drugs was me, and not enough to do anything flashy, just enough that in addition to my work money I was usually getting enough to eat. But there were still some times when the previous weeks paycheck had run out and I was having my first meal of the day at 3pm after someone had bought adderall from me. We had our serious serious fight where she threw my stuff in the lawn and I lived with my current boyfriend full time for about a couple weeks since my bedroom at my granny’s was getting refloored when this happened.

By January 20th he was concerned by my Xanax problem and wanted me to seriously try to stop. At the time I started tapering because I wanted the girlfriend title but I’m forever grateful for him giving me a reason, even if it was a shallow one, because I just needed to START. We tried to reconcile once, despite boyfriend and guy best friend begging me not to, and of course the same problems reappeared, we had another serious fight and haven’t spoken since.

Now the fog is clearing and today I’m 96 days clean of xanax, 16 days clean of all benzos, and 19 days clean of gabapentin (what was keeping me from having a seizure while quitting benzos). But it’s hard because being out of the fog means feeling all of my emotions, even the really bad ones. This past week I’ve been waking up and crying sitting in front of my mirror trying to put my makeup on for work and it just drips right off and I have to start over. She was my best friend for 8 years. My favorite person. My partner in life. I loved her more than anyone.

My boyfriend and guy best friend are pretty uncomfortable when they hear someone express an opinion of me that’s “Kiara’s side of the story” and I don’t correct it. Both of them saw exactly how bad it got near the very end and don’t get why I don’t defend myself more or tell people about her letting my dog eat dab (THC) wax while she was supposed to be watching her and having to be rushed to the animal hospital TWO separate times. (She’s a Pomeranian and the highly concentrated THC was super dangerous to her tiny little body). Yelling at me and giving me the silent treatment because less than 48 hours after my SA she expected me to drive her to a hair appointment in Miami and I woke up late and didn’t get her there on time with traffic. Me begging her to be there for me when it felt like everything was falling apart and I self harmed for the first time and her leaving me to go on a vacation to Orlando with a girl we didn’t even really like. Me not wanting to sleep in the apartment alone after my SA and her not letting me sleep in her bed anymore, her and Mena just dumping me at the neighbor’s so they could continue to sugar, party, and see guys our age at night (this sounds super awful but neighbors roommate —> current boyfriend. He kept me safe until I felt better, was really sweet and careful, and I was the one to make the first move). There’s more but I really don’t like talking about it, after the abuse she went through and I assume is still going through, I expect her to be pretty damaged and not have it in her to treat people right all the time. Not exposing every bad thing she’s ever done to all our mutual friends and acquaintances is kind of my last gift to her.

I also admit that sugaring wasn’t responsible for everything that went wrong. Loving an addict is difficult and exhausting and I went through it myself with my ex. I was also out bi and she was “probably straight, maybe a little bi-curious” in her words. But when she was drunk or on Xanax she’d kiss me first...we had done more than kiss but only during 3somes with a guy. I don’t know, I think I loved her more than I was supposed to and some of the stuff she’d say made me think she saw me in a way she really didn’t. When we first moved to this town I had a thing with a girl and expected it to be no big deal but things here were different than up north. I got called the d slur for the first time by someone who wasn’t joking. It was like getting slapped I was so shocked and hurt, I truly didn’t think that happened anymore. I think she saw what happened to me and kinda closed off that part of herself because she didn’t wanna experience that herself. She stopped making out with me at bars and parties after that and it made me sad and maybe a little jealous. But I really do blame her SD for basically “breaking her”, for handing me that first bottle of free Xanax, for a lot of other little things that I can’t possibly include because this is already way too long. This is my first time even saying this much. Feel free to add your own experiences or thoughts on this or anything you’d like. [I’m prepared to get death threats or called a SWERF or whatever but I don’t care, now that I started talking about this I’m not going to stop.]

#terf safe #terfs please touch #terfs please interact #radfem #radical feminists please touch #radical feminst #radical feminism #terf #swerfs please interact #swerf #anti prostitution #addiction #recovery #terfs do touch #sugardadddy

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bisexual-horror-fan · 3 years

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Stu Macher Sugar Daddy AU Headcannons.

So back when I did Kinky December, to close out that super fun event, I wrote this, fun little peice, an AU story about an older Stu Macher being your sugar daddy and it was on my mind and figured fuck it, why not do a personal headcannon post for this AU? If you like this and got any additions or ideas, have it, shoot me an ask or something! I like to think in this AU Stu has some big job he got via family connections in the financial district in New York and also while he and Billy have some certain tastes, they never indulged fully but that is part of where you come in! So let's get into it under the cut.

This is a sex worker positive space and sex work is valid work, if you don't think so, move on.

Rating: NSFW. Length: 1.5K. Warnings: Daddy Kink. General Poly!Ghostface Fuckery.

-Stu and you start this with the explicit implication of what your relationship was meant to be. He found you through the site you advertise yourself through for sugaring. The usual protocol followed after that. A date to determine how compatible you both were and you were both kind of surprised by how well you got along on that first date.

-You both obviously wanted to see each other again and so after discussing the usual things, expectations, wants, needs, allowance, and so the arrangement began officially.

-Neither of you expected how quickly it would escalate or how well you would truly get along. You and Stu got on like a house on fire. Conversation was lively and frequent, he was true to his word and gave even more than initially promised. Money was seemingly no object, he would pick up the tab without question, and would surprise you frequently.

-You dropped your other regular dates shortly after that. He didn’t ask you to but it was something you wanted to do, simply wanted to spend as much time as possible with him and be available whenever he needed and money wasn’t an issue at all anymore.

-It wasn’t just a business relationship anymore, developed into more than that and you couldn’t be happier about it.

-Yes you do call him Daddy, but not explicitly in public a lot of the time, something he asks, but it makes the times he TELLS you to call him it in public that much hotter. He calls you tons of pet names and you love it.

-He takes the title seriously. He actually CARES for you. It is about a hell of a lot more than just the sexual angle.

-You would stay over at Stu’s constantly, loved his place and he loved to have you around. He still insisted that you have your own place, paid for by him of course, he would even come by on occasion but much preferred to go out or have you over at his place. He liked you having your own space in case you ever needed it and didn’t want to intrude on YOUR space, even tho it was intruding at all.

-He loves to bring you to work events and show you off. Not just how you look and how well you are dressed and the finery he buys for you to trot you out in but also with the intelligent and insightful things you have to say and contribute. He also may or may not have given you pointers on shit pertaining to the business he was in prior to the event to make you look even better than you already were. You had done the going to work functions thing in your line of work a lot and were no slouch and it was something else that made this set up all the better.

-What is your poison because my God Stu is gonna be giving you it so much. You a fan of high end coffee? Yup you can count on him bringing you one or asking you out for coffee, dropping one off or sending someone over with one or hell getting an expensive and personal machine installed in your kitchen. You like getting your nails done? Well fuck how much babe, let him flash some cash and let you go get the most crazy nails your heart desires. You a foodie or a total lush? Lucky you! He loved going out to eat and for drinks. Or do you have a total shoe fetish? You getting any and all pairs of shoes you have ever even remotely laid your eyes on with even mildly passing interest. Clothes too duh, he loves to dress you up.

-So what interests you? Because Stu is interested in it now as well. He could listen to you go on about what was important to you for literal hours and you better believe he uses every little bit of info to better spoil you! While he loved to get you the more obvious things, food, clothes, money, basic luxuries you better believe he would get you items especially tailored to your hobbies and likes.

-Any place you ever wanted to travel too? Oh what a wild coincidence! All of a sudden a beautifully planned and paid for trip that Stu just HAPPENS to have tickets as well as his scheduled opening up all MAGICALLY coincides and you have the best time.

-The sex is insane. I mean duh, of fucking course, that happened early and often and was a big factor in determining your compatibility. He loved to spoil you in that way too, lingerie and toys and lavishing you with attention. My God he sure liked to use that mouth of his for more than just talking.

-He loves semi-public stuff. Loves pushing boundaries too. He adores going out for dinner with you looking just so dressed up and gorgeous and not being able to wait to get back to his place and fucking you in the back of the towncar on the way home.

-Having you suck him off under his desk at work on a lunch break.

-Having you ON that desk after hours.

-Fucking you on literally every surface of his apartment.

-So it doesn’t stay just Stu, you know that right? Once he is sure that you are an amazing fit he introduces you to Billy. Tells you that they have been friends for-fucking-ever and that you both liking eachother was important to him.

-You get along great with him too. You loved to see how they were together, he brought out this side in Stu that was so fun, not like he wasn’t fun usually but it was just kinda different, more playful you could say.

-You realize that you are introduced to Billy for more than just friendship.

-You are not opposed to this at all. You ask if they have done this before and the answer is yes. Sharing partners? Yep. Just them being together? Yes. Swapping? Naturally. Billy was hot and fun and treated you well too and again, the sex was fuckin’ good.

-So when the three of you were fully into the swing of this arrangement it was really fucking good. Plus you were literally never lonely. Some dates were just Stu and some were both and if Stu ever had to go out of town for some reason and you couldn’t come, well then Billy got you all to himself.

-He would insist that you stay at his place during those times to- “Properly keep an eye on you.” and you did not complain. Nights in with take-out that ended with you both on the couch or the mornings you’d share a shower before he had work or coming to his office all dressed up with lunch to impress his co-workers and maybe give him some head under his desk just like you do for Stu, all amazing.

His place was nice and you loved getting to have some time with just him, it was a great change of pace and Stu would love to come back to see you two being even closer.

-Stu coming back was so good too because of how he treated you when he missed you, a big date was a must after he was away and the way he fucked you after was specatular. The way he would whisper to you, asking about what you did this week and wanting to be filled in on all the dirty details of what you did with his best friend while he was away. You were all too happy to fill him in.

-Billy and Stu have some particular tastes. They suggest a weekend away, they have a game they want to play with you and you tentatively agree. You trust them both with your life and when you worded it that way the look they shared with a smirk should have been telling.

-A big rented beach house, a phone call, a “break in”, ropes and knives and costumes and more and oh my fucking God you got it. You understood it and were hooked and when it was all said and done and the ropes were being untied and you were still coming down with stars in your eyes and them praising the literal fuck out of you that they let it slip how often they had fantasized about this. That part of why they picked you, because Billy had been a bit more involved in the process of selecting you than you were initially made aware of, was how good they thought you would look being fucked by knifepoint.

-By what a-"pretty little victim you’d make” and well you knew you would be doing this again sometime. And it becomes a semi-regular occurrence in your sex lives.

-You spoil Stu in all kinds of ways. You surprise him with meals he loves, surprise visits when he is working, dropping in with the sweetest gifts, you try to remember all the little things he likes and love to listen to him. He knows he is in deep when you are traveling somewhere together the next day, a vacation, he works that day, comes back to his apartment to find you packed for him. You paid such close attention to detail and he felt so seen and appreciated.

-You do all the little things. Making breakfast the way he likes when you stay over, keeping in mind which clothes and lingerie he likes on you best, making notes when he particularly likes something you do or a color you wear.

-You still have your own life outside of your relationship. Friends and freedom, independence and it is all fucking great.

#BHF headcannons #Stu Macher #Billy Loomis #Poly!Ghostface #Sugar Daddy AU #I had a lot of fun with this #I gotta do more posts like this #You like?#Lemme know!

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prettyboyjackhughes · 3 years

Text

-Little Crosby- |D. Cozens| [Part 1]

It’s finally here! @workhorsefromwhitehorse24�� and I have been working on this for a while now and I can honestly say that this is probably my favorite thing we’ve collaborated on! This was a little outside my comfort zone but I enjoyed writing it so much! Hope you enjoy! Let us know what you think!!

“Ava Grace I’m home!” Dad calls from downstairs. I sit up and grab my sweatshirt off of the floor.

“Coming!” I say as I pull it over my head and run out into the hall. I attempt to make it down the stairs without dying but almost fail as I get to the bottom step. “Whoops! Sorry!” I yell as I knock one of the pictures off the wall. He stands in the kitchen doorway and watches me, amused, as I fix the picture then turn to face him, a grin on my face. He had been gone for 2 weeks on a 5 game road trip, resulting in the Penguins going 4-1. Dad scored a pair of goals in the first two games. But sadly, it wasn’t enough of a push to get them to the playoffs.

“Hi Daddy!” I say, running to hug him. He lifts me off the ground and kisses the top of my head. Dad and I have always been super close. It’s been just him and I for years. Ever since I was born, it’s just been Dad and I. Grandma and Grandpa were always in the picture too, along with Aunt Taylor. The 4 of them have been my entire world and my family for the past 17 years. My mom has never been in the picture since she and Dad had me when they were super young, before Dad was in the NHL. Dad had moved from Nova Scotia by himself when he was 15, down to Faribault, Minnesota. Mom and Dad met within his first week of school. Dad tells me I look just like her but from what I can tell, the older I get, the more I look like Dad. But basically one thing turned to another, Dad had his first taste of freedom, being away from his parents and all, and 9 months later, I was born. As soon as Grandma and Grandpa found out, they moved Taylor and everything else down to be with my dad and help out with me. But one Saturday, Mom dropped me off with Dad and told him she had decided she wanted more than raising a baby and my dad so she left me with Dad and left. I’ve never heard from her, except for one birthday card when I turned 6. Grandma and Grandpa raised me alongside Taylor until Dad’s first season in the NHL. That’s when he moved me to Pittsburgh with him. I mean, before he was in the NHL, he made sure that he was a part of my life and made sure I knew that I was his little girl. But it hasn’t really been that big of a deal that Mom hasn’t been in the picture since I’ve had Dad, Grandma and Grandpa, and Aunt Taylor, plus all of Dad’s teammates through the years. It’s been a ride, having a dad like I do. I mean, he’s pretty much the face of the NHL and one of the greatest players to ever play hockey, being Sidney Crosby and all. Everywhere we go, he gets recognized so it was always hard for him to come to my things as I was growing up. But he always made sure that someone was there for me, whether it was one of my grandparents or Aunt Taylor. But even through all of that, my dad is my best friend. I’ve never needed anyone else.

“I missed you so much!” He says, setting me down and looking at me. I smile and nod.

“I missed you too! Nice set of goals by the way. Sorry about the playoffs...” I say, smiling as he walks into the kitchen. He shrugs as I follow him into the kitchen and sit down at the table, watching him wander around the kitchen, making one of his shakes he always drinks.

“It was a long two weeks for sure, but I’m glad I have you to come home too.” I nod and smile.

“Oh Sweetheart, before I forget, we’re going up to Toronto next weekend for the Leafs’ first playoff game, for your birthday. We’ll spend two weeks up in Toronto.” The Penguins missed out on the playoffs, ending their season early. But my Leafs made it to the first round of the playoffs. He smiles as my face lights up. The Toronto Maple Leafs are my favorite team. As disappointed as Dad was in me when he found out, he still supports it, just happy that I like hockey. My favorite player is Mitch Marner, which is a player Dad approves of. He raised me on the ice, around his team and made sure I loved hockey as much as he does. I played for 6 years but I decided I liked watching hockey better than playing.

“Really? We are?” I say, giddy.

“Yep, I think Tanger and Geno are going to come with us. I invited Taylor too, figured we could make a whole vacation of the trip. We can go out to dinner, shopping, all the fun, girly stuff you love. Oh and there’s a surprise flying out to see you too.” Kris Letang and Evgeni Malkin are Dad’s alternate captains and my honorary uncles. Up until about 4 years ago, I had 3 honorary uncles. Marc-André Fleury, the Penguins' goalie and now the Vegas Golden Knights’ goalie was the third. He and Dad are still close which means he still claims the third honorary uncle spot. When he got married in 2012, I was the flower girl. I’ve actually been in all 3 of my “uncle’s” weddings. They’ve been a huge part of my life since I was little, even when Dad was trying to keep me out of the spotlight. I smile, pushing my hair out of my face. I think the thing that everyone always finds so interesting about Dad and I, is that he did such a good job keeping me out of the spotlight up until I was old enough to understand what was going on. But as soon as I started going to events with him, everyone knew I was his daughter. I mean, I look and act like a female version of Dad so it makes perfect sense that I’m his daughter.

“Ava girl, do you want to see if one of your friends wants to come with us? Might be a little boring to spend your birthday weekend with a bunch of old people.” Dad says, finally sitting down with his gross shake. I nod and laugh, thinking of who I could invite. I go to Shady Side Academy in downtown Pittsburgh, which is a big, fancy private school. There’s a little over 1,100 kids that go to my school, but only about 70 of them are in my grade.

“Oh, I’ll invite Carter. Let me text her and see if she can go.” Carter James has been my best friend since 2nd grade. She’s my total opposite and somehow, it works.

“Okay Honey. I’m going to go lay down for a little bit. Our flight left pretty early this morning so I’m pretty tired. Go ahead and order something for dinner. Anything but pizza please.” I pout a little, my bottom lip jutting out. He smiles and drops a kiss on the top of my head as he walks out of the kitchen and up the stairs. I walk out to the living room and flop on the couch, getting on my phone to watch Tik Tok for a while. Suddenly, the door to the house flies open and my Aunt Taylor waltzes in.

“Hello my absolute favorite niece in the entire world!” She calls, dumping her purse and everything in her hands onto the bench by the door. Grandma decorated the entire house. Dad was going to hire a decorator but Grandma insisted and somehow, Dad ended up liking what she did with the place.

“I’m your only niece so I hope I’m your favorite. But hey Aunt Tay. What’s up?” I asked, sitting up.

“Nothing much. Just came home to drive my big brother crazy and talk about your birthday trip with you. How excited are you? Hey wait, isn’t it your 18th birthday?” I smile and nod again. Aunt Tay is a little scatterbrained and once forgot how old I was turning and bought me a 13th birthday card. I was turning 11. But of course, she always means well and loves me a ton.

“Carter is coming with us. Do you know what the surprise is? Dad just told me there is one but didn’t say anything else.” Taylor grins as she nods.

“I’m not telling you but just know this, you’re gonna be really really excited.” She says, sitting down on the couch by my feet.

“So how’s things at school? Still thinking about going to UPenn?” She asks, tapping her thumb against my knee. I sigh.

“Ugh I don’t know anymore. I fell in love with UPenn when I visited there with Grandma last fall but I don’t know if I want to be that far away from everyone. I mean, it’s only 4 hours but going from how things are now to that? That’s a lot to process.” She nods, watching me.

“Well Honey, you know your dad would make sure you had a car on campus and everything. So you can always come back home and visit. But I mean, it’s been you and your dad since you were a baby. Maybe it’s time to go out on your own a little?” I cringe a little at the thought.

“I don’t wanna leave!” I say, falling into Taylor’s lap and drawing out the end of the word. She laughs and smooths my hair down.

“We’ll figure something out. You’ve still got time, Ava Grace.” She says and somehow, those words make all the anxiety I have about college and everything else coming up in my future fade to a dull roar instead of the screams it has been for the past couple weeks. I’ve always been able to talk to Dad about anything which is why he and I have such a good relationship now. But the one thing I haven’t been able to talk to him about is college. Dad went straight from high school into the NHL. He always claims to understand but I’m pretty sure it just confuses him sometimes.

“Okay you two, it’s very hard to sleep when all I can hear is laughing and carrying on.” Dad says, coming back downstairs.

“Yeah yeah, keep it down, Patrick.” Taylor says, looking up at Dad. Dad hates being called by his middle name which is why Taylor calls him that. He rolls his eyes and bats her hand away as she reaches up to poke him. When the two of them are together, Grandma always says they act like they did when they were little.

“Have you girls figured out everything for us leaving on Thursday? Ava, is Carter going with us?” I grab my phone off the arm of the couch and turn it on, quickly reading the notifications on the screen.

“Yeah she’s going. And she’s gonna be here in 3, 2, 1!” I count down as the door bursts open again. Carter and my Aunt Taylor are two peas in a pod. They’re practically the same person which is why I love them both so much.

“Hello Crosby family!” She shouts, sliding across the floor and landing on top of me.

“Oh this is going to be a long two weeks.” Dad says, laughing and rubbing his forehead.

“So we’re going to Toronto for your 18th birthday? And to see the love of your life? Hell yeah this is going to be a great trip.” Carter says, looking up at me.

“Okay, Carter James, slow down please.” I say, patting her head.

“Wait, isn’t the legal drinking age in Canada, 18?” Carter asks, sitting up and looking at Dad.

“Oh my God Sidney Patrick. You’re taking your daughter to Canada to drink for her 18th birthday?” Taylor says, looking over at Dad with a smirk on her face.

“Taylor Jane, you’d better cut it out or you’re not going anymore.” He says, shaking his finger at her. Carter and I laugh and Taylor rolls her eyes.

“She’s responsible enough to handle this. You two are the ones I have to worry about.” Dad says, pointing at Carter and Aunt Taylor.

“Tanger and Geno are going too? Oh this is going to be a blast!” Taylor says, rubbing her hands together and grinning evilly. Dad’s head drops into his hands and the 3 of us burst out laughing. Carter and I spend the rest of the evening planning our trip out while Dad and Aunt Taylor watch the St. Cloud game. The week leading up to our trip to Toronto flies by, but my excitement for the game only builds. It’s not the first time I’ve been to a Leafs game, nor is it the first time I’ve gotten to watch my favorite player play. But it’s happening on my 18th birthday and that makes it even more exciting.

Thursday morning, two days before my birthday, Carter wakes me up by bouncing on my bed.

“We’re leaving today!” She sings, bouncing more. I roll over and groan.

“Carter James, it’s too early!” I say, shoving her. She laughs at me and I sit up.

“Come on, we’re going to dinner with the love of your life tonight!” She says. I jump out of bed and look at her, eyes wide. I’m 100% a Mitch Marner fan girl. Carter thinks it’s hilarious but she’s the exact same way for Patrick Kane. We ran into him at the Stanley Cup Finals one year and she was speechless.

“What are you talking about? Dinner with who?” I ask. Dad walks in and is now standing in my doorway.

“I called in a few favors and we’re going to dinner with Mitch Marner and Morgan Rielly tonight. How does that sound?” He says, as my mouth drops open.

“Oh my God thank you thank you Daddy!” I say, running over to hug him. He smiles and Carter laughs.

“She’s gonna faint as soon as she sees him. Total freak out.” Carter says, crossing her arms and laughing.

“I am not! I’ll be perfectly fine. It’s just another hockey player. Not like I’m in love with him or anything.” I say, pointing at her. She rolls her eyes and we both laugh.

“Where my favorite birthday girl?” I hear a deep voice call from downstairs.

“Geno, it’s too early for you to be this loud. Shut up.” I hear Taylor say.

“I take it G and Tanger just got here?” Dad calls and Taylor groans in response.

“Alright girls get ready and we’ll leave in a little over an hour. Go down and say hi to everyone first though.” I nod and follow Dad downstairs, Carter tagging along behind me.

“Hi Uncle Geno, Uncle Kris!” I say, running to hug both of them as they stand up from where they were sitting on the couch. Taylor is taking up the other end of the couch, facedown in a pillow. “Are you excited for your birthday trip?” Kris asks, patting my back as he hugs me.

“I’m so excited. Do you know what my surprise is? Dad still won’t tell me.” Geno laughs, still too loud for Taylor apparently because a pillow goes flying across the room and just misses his head.

“Tay, go drink some coffee please, you’re being a brat right now.” Dad says, patting her head.

“I know surprise. You like a lot.” Geno says, crossing his arms and looking down at me. I raise an eyebrow. I’ve been the victim of one of Dad’s surprises before and let’s just say he doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to surprises.

“Is it bad that I’ve been your best friend for 12 years and I still can’t understand what he’s saying?” Carter asks, leaning over to me. I laugh and Geno looks between the two of us.

“Who you? You Ava’s best friend?” Carter rolls her eyes and nudges Geno, who laughs again and hugs her. “Alright, Little Crosby, let’s get this show on the road.” Kris says, pointing towards the stairs. I smile and rush upstairs to get dressed and grab my bags. I pick out a pair of black leggings and a peach colored Adidas sweatshirt. I change into the clothes and put my pajamas in the dirty clothes. I put on mascara quickly, finishing everything off with some lip gloss. I grab my Birkenstocks and slip them on.

“Okay, I’m ready!” I call as I drag my bag down the stairs behind me. I again attempt not to die on my way down the stairs. But yet again, I fail.

“Oh God, Little Crosby.” Kris says, somehow managing to catch me as I trip down the last 3 steps.

“Your daughter is a human wrecking ball. You know that, right Sid?” Dad laughs and nods.

“I haven’t killed myself yet. So far, we’re safe.” Everyone laughs and I smile. All these people filling this house are my entire family. They’ve raised me and I wouldn’t be who I am without all of them.

“Okay, let’s get going! Our flight leaves in 45 minutes!” Dad calls, attempting to herd us all towards the door. Taylor has finally had her coffee and returned to the world of the living.

“Toronto here we come!” She calls as we all get out the door and into the two cars we’re taking. Dad locks the door behind us and turns to look at me.

“You excited, Ava Grace?” I nod and he hugs me to his side.“I hope this lives up to your idea of the perfect 18th birthday.” I laugh and nod again as we head to his car.

The drive to the airport and the flight to Toronto are pretty boring but Kris and Taylor keep everyone entertained the whole trip. Carter finally crashed after the Red Bulls she had while we were waiting for our flight to get called in the airport, leaving me to my own thoughts pretty much the entire flight. When we land in Toronto, everyone is pretty excited for the next two weeks.

“Little Crosby surprise time!” Geno calls from the back of our group.

“Geno, we’re still in an airport. Keep it down a little please?” Carter says, patting his arm. Dad scoffs and looks between me and Carter.

“He’s right though, your surprise is right through those doors.” Dad says, pointing towards the exit of the airport. I see Taylor pull her phone out of her pocket and start recording me. I hand my bag to Kris and look over at Geno who motions me towards the door. I walk towards the doors, which slide open. I glanced around then back at Dad and Taylor who followed me out.

“Little Crosby!” I hear a very familiar voice yell over the buzz of the airport.

“Oh my God! Uncle Flower!” I shout, rushing towards my uncle Marc and hugging him.

“Surprise!” Dad calls, smiling as I hug Marc.

“So you were my surprise?” I say, stepping back and looking at him.

“Yep, I was the big wonderful surprise. Hope you weren’t too disappointed.” He says, smiling as his arm rests around my shoulders.

“I figured you’d want all of your uncles here for your big 18th birthday. So we worked it out and got him here for you.” I smile, quickly hugging Dad before returning to hug Marc again.

“Alright well, it’s time to get heading to the hotel. We’re going to dinner at 6:30 tonight. Geno, Flower and Kris are taking Tay to something that I know nothing about. And you’re okay with Carter going with us?” I nod as Marc leads us and the rest of our group to the waiting van.

“I’m taking a nap when we get to the hotel. You woke me up too early this morning.” I say, nudging Carter as she slides into the van next to me.

“Sounds like a plan. The Red Bull ran out.” She says, laying her head on my shoulder. The two of us manage to fall asleep on the 20 minute drive to the hotel. Geno shakes us both awake when we get to the hotel. We sleepily wander into the hotel and wait in the lobby while Dad and Tay get everything figured out. The adults herd us all over to the elevator and into it, somehow managing to get us all to the conjoined rooms we have for the next two weeks. As soon as we make it into the rooms, Carter and I collapse onto the bed we’ll be sharing and fall asleep.

About 2 and a half hours later, Dad comes in and wakes us up.

“Girls, we have about an hour before we have to leave for dinner. Go ahead and start getting ready.” He calls as he closes the door behind him. I sit up and stretch, the excitement building in my chest all over again.

“Okay, I think I’m gonna curl my hair and wear that frilly, layered red skirt with the white sweater and my little brown boots. What about you, Carter?” I ask, looking back at her who is still laying in bed.

“So I have to dress nice right? I think the army green pants romper thing with my jean jacket, Vans and straight hair. Sound good?” She asks, finally sitting up. I nod and get started curling my hair. She gets started on doing her makeup while I work on my hair. Somehow, we both end up being done with plenty of time left to spare. So we do what typical teenagers do and spend the extra 15 minutes we have, on our phones. Dad comes in and the two of us follow him down to the elevator and out to the car. It’s some super nice, fancy car; just like the one that lives in our garage except on home game days. Dad lets Carter play music which automatically, I can tell, he regrets as Cotton Eye Joe plays for the third time. Carter is having the time of her life and I can’t help but laugh along with her. When we get to the restaurant, it’s one Dad and I came to, back when we came to Toronto for some charity event a few years ago.

“Alright, how excited are you?” Dad asks, as he parks the car and we climb out. I squeal a little and Carter laughs. Dad smiles, draping his arm around my shoulders as I link arms with Carter. The 3 of us waltz into the restaurant and walk up to the hostess.

“Hello, Mr. Crosby. Your two guests are already seated.” I squeeze Carter’s arm and we squeal a little together. As we follow the hostess to our table, back in the back, we pass a table with two teenage boys. One looks Carter up and down, obviously checking her out, while the other locks eyes with me. I smile, forcing myself to look away as we disappear into the back, private room Dad reserved for us.

“Holy crap, did you see those guys?” Carter whisper-yells into my ear. I nod, trying to focus on the fact that Mitch Marner is standing a few feet away from me, a grin on his face, instead of the guy I just saw.

“Hey Sid. This must be Ava and Carter. Nice to meet you girls.” Mitch says, reaching his hand out. I shake it, the smile on my face impossibly large. Morgan Rielly stands next to him and shakes our hands as well. As we all sit down, I happen to glance around the room and see that both of the boys are looking into the room. As much as I want to pay attention to what Mitch, Mo and Dad are talking about, I can’t. I’m too distracted by the boy I saw. Carter, apparently can’t either.

“Ava, they were literally so hot. Can I please go get their numbers?” She asks, nudging me when she catches me staring again.

“No! Dad will kill me if he catches me talking to a boy!” I whisper-yell, glancing up at Dad and Mitch.

“Ava Grace, that could be your freaking soulmate and you’ll never know because you won’t let me go get their numbers!” I roll my eyes and glance over my shoulder at the boys’ table. Sadly, they’re gone and I sigh, looking over at Carter.

“They’re gone anyway. Not like we’re ever gonna see them again anyways.” I say, glumly, resting my chin on my hand. She shakes her head. “There went your soulmate.” I sigh, knowing she won’t let me live this down. Dad clears his throat, pulling Carter and I back to the conversation happening at the table.

“So Ava, I hear you’re a pretty big fan of mine.” Mitch says, leaning on his elbows against the table. I smile, taking in all of his features.

“Yeah, you’ve been my favorite since you came into the league. Dad’s always a little disappointed when I don’t tell people he’s my favorite player.” Mitch and Mo laugh. The rest of the evening, conversation flows easily and Carter and I both have a blast. As I glance at my Apple watch and see the time, Carter nudges me again.

“Your dad is looking at you funny.” She says, nodding her head towards Dad. I look up, my eyes meeting my dad’s gaze.

“It’s getting late, are you girls ready to head back to the hotel? Your aunt and uncles should be getting back soon too.” Carter and I nod and I turn to look at Mitch.

“I’ll be wearing your jersey on Saturday night. Don’t disappoint me. Also it’s my birthday so a goal or two would be nice.” Mitch and Mo laugh as Dad smiles down at me.

“I will try my hardest. Glad we could spend the evening with you lovely ladies. See you on Saturday after the game? There’ll be passes for your whole group at the ticket desk.” My face lights up and I know Carter’s does too.“Okay great! See you then! Good luck!” I say, standing and hugging Mitch. Mo shakes Dad’s hand and then the two of them head out.

“You two seemed very distracted all during dinner. Was everything okay?” Dad asks as the 3 of us head back out to the car after he pays.“Yeah everything was fine. Dinner was super good and fun. Carter just saw some cute boy and wouldn’t shut up about him.” Dad laughs and rolls his eyes.

“Hey, in my defense, your daughter was looking too so it wasn’t just me.” Carter says, crossing her arms. Dad’s head whips around as we climb in the car.

“A boy? What?” I groan internally and elbow Carter. I’ve never been that into boys. I mean, I’ve thought plenty of boys were cute and had quite a few guy friends but I’ve never had the time or the effort that comes with having a relationship. So it’s never been a topic of conversation for Dad and I.

“Nothing, it was nothing. Don’t worry about it, Dad.” I say, trying to avoid the topic.

“It’s interesting though. I was just talking to your uncle Kris about how you’ve never had a boyfriend or anything like that. Which is fine with me because I know what boys are like.” Dad says as we drive back to the hotel. Carter is dying sitting next to me, her hand pressed against her mouth to avoid laughing out loud.

“I-I know...I’ve just never had the time or wanted one.” I say, burying my head in my hands.

“Well you don’t need one. You have all the guys you need in your life. Me, your Uncle Geno, Uncle Kris, Uncle Marc, and Grandpa.” Carter finally bursts out laughing and Dad looks in the rearview mirror at me.

“I’m serious, Ava Grace. Why do you need a boyfriend?” Dad has never really been the overprotective dad. He’s protective for sure but he kind of lets me do my own thing most of the time. He knows if I need to, I’ll come to him or one of the other main adults in my life. But he lets me make my own decisions and figure life out by myself. This whole ‘no boyfriend’ thing that he’s doing right now is new.

“I guess I don’t. You’re right.” I say, putting an end to the conversation by turning and looking out the window. Thankfully, Dad doesn’t push any farther. The 3 of us ride in silence, the radio off, the rest of the way back to the hotel. Once we get into the hotel and up to our rooms, I tell Dad goodnight, give him a hug and a kiss then follow Carter into our room. Carter distracts me from the disaster of a conversation that was with Dad and forces me to watch some cheesy rom-com with her. I fall asleep midway through and sleep in late the next day. Taylor takes Carter and I out shopping all day on Friday while my dad and the uncles do who knows what. The topic of boys is avoided all day, All night at dinner on Friday, we catch up with everyone. I fill Marc in on what Dad’s latest old person moment was, even though he’s only 33. Everything seems so perfect and happy but I keep replaying the conversation with Dad over and over again in my head.

Saturday morning, my birthday morning, Carter wakes me up with cake in bed. It’s a tradition we started when we were 12. Every year on our birthday, the other girl brings the birthday girl cake in bed. It’s one of my favorite birthday traditions.

“Happy birthday Little Crosby! You are adult now!” Geno calls, leading the rest of my family into my room. Dad brings up the end of the line and walks over to the bed. He hugs me, pressing a kiss to my forehead.“Happy birthday my sweet girl.” He says, smoothing my hair down and getting all teary-eyed.

“I can’t believe the young lady you’ve grown into. You are beautiful, strong, independent and so responsible. I...I didn’t think things would end up this way, especially with your mom not being in the picture. But I look around you and I see all these people who helped raise you and I know, you’ve turned out more than okay. I love you Ava Grace and will always love you. Happy birthday.” Dad says. I take another bite of the cake Carter brought me and smile up at him.

“I love you so much, Daddy. Thank you for everything. Thank you everyone for everything you’ve done for me. I love all of you.” They all share a sappy smile and I keep eating my cake. The rest of the day, we hang out at the hotel, lounging around before the game tonight at 7. Marc and Geno see how many pieces of pizza they can eat while Dad keeps score. Taylor paints Carter’s nails and I pick at mine. Kris sneaks out to buy me ice cream and comes back with at least 10 different kinds, all of them my favorite in one way or another.

Carter and I start getting ready around 4:30 so we’re ready to leave by 5. I straighten my hair and do just light makeup. I dig my Mitch Marner jersey out of my bag and put it on with some black leggings. Carter wears the jersey of the only Leaf she likes, Frederik Andersen. She opted for black ripped jeans instead of leggings. Everyone else is just dressed casual. Marc did wear a Leafs hat just to please me. The drive to the arena, Carter gets to play music again. She plays our ‘Hockey Game Hype Up’ playlist, something we made a few years ago. Even though I’m the music person, she’s much better at putting playlists together. I’m only really good at finding one or two songs I love and just playing them over and over again. As the songs ‘Auston Matthews’ by Svdvm and ‘Toronto Maple Leafs Anthem’ by JDME play back to back, we pull into the arena parking lot. No matter how many times I’ve been to Scotiabank Arena, it never ceases to amaze me. I think I’ve been here a grand total of like 15 times in the last 10 years, solidifying it as my favorite arena.

“Come on Ava, let’s go watch your boy play.” Carter says, linking her arm through mine. She leads me and the rest of our group into the arena. Everyone else heads to the box but I decide to stay down in the main area and wander around a bit, making sure I get the full experience again. All around me, Leafs fans are hurrying to one place or another. I take everything, wanting to remember this for the rest of my life. As I’m walking down a small set of stairs, I collide with a pretty solid body. And of course, with my human wrecking ball abilities, I manage to take both of us down, all the way to the ground. “Shit! I’m so sorry, are you okay?” I ask, sitting up and looking at the boy I collided with. He sits up, looks at me, down at the ground, then back up at me. His eyes are huge.

“I-Oh my God. Yeah-Yeah I’m okay! Are you?” He asks, jumping to his feet and reaching his hand out to help me up. I take his hand and he pulls me to my feet. “Yeah I’m all good. Sorry for taking you out. I’m known for being clumsy. Like the jersey by the way.” I say, pointing to where the number 16 is stitched into the arm of his jersey. The same number sprawled across my back.

“Hey, I like yours too. Marner your favorite player?” I nod, pushing my hair back out of my face.

“Yeah, I grew up a Penguins fan because of my dad but the Leafs are my favorite team.” He smiles and nods. He looks so familiar but I can’t place where I know him from. Talking to him comes so naturally and it seems like the world just goes on around us while we stand there and talk. Before I know it, they’re starting the lineup announcements.

“Oh shoot, I gotta get going. Enjoy the game!” I call over my shoulder as I run back towards the box we’re all sitting in. Of course, I trip up the steps and almost fall. As I glance over my shoulder, I see the boy with a smirk on his face. I blush and mentally kick myself for first off accidentally tackling a cute boy then tripping and almost falling in front of him. As I rush back into the box, Dad eyes me with a raised eyebrow. I huff and flop into my seat next to Marc and Carter. Carter glances at me out of the corner of her eye and smirks.

“Why are you all red and bothered about?” I bite my lip and Marc looks over at me.“I accidentally tackled a cute boy…” I say, burying my head in my hands. Carter and Marc laugh and Marc pats my back.

“There there, Little Crosby. I did much worse to your aunt Véronique.” I laugh and lean my head on his shoulder. Geno and Kris are behind us, teasing Taylor as Dad watches what’s going on down on the ice. His hand is resting on my shoulder, absentmindedly squeezing and releasing in a protective way. As I sit there, watching the game, all I can think about is the boy. But as I do, I think about the conversation Dad and I had last night in the car. Did he really mean what he said? Would he really get upset if I did ever decide to have a boyfriend?

#sidney crosby #dylan cozens #nhl #nhl hockey #nhl imagine #Dylan Cozens imagine #hockey imagine #nhl fanfiction #hockey #hockey boys

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marypsue · 3 years

Text

a theory of Kids On Bikes

A dirt road. An asphalt backroad. A suburban street.

One bike zips past. Two. Three. Four.

I say, “kids on bikes”, and it’s likely a story comes to mind. E.T. The Goonies. Stand By Me. This is a theory of nostalgia as much as it is of narrative. Even new stories often place their kids within one of two decades. The Iron Giant. Super 8. Stranger Things. The kids bike eternally through nineteen fifty-something, nineteen eighty-something; through an artifice of universal childhood, universal innocence.

The base unit of kids on bikes is four. It can go up as high as seven or eight, but at that point, group cohesion begins to break down. And group cohesion is important. The kids-on-bikes story is a thesis on friendship, the kind of friends you had when you were twelve.

The kids-on-bikes story might be set in any place, at any time, but somehow it’s always about the summer you were twelve years old. The long days, lying empty before you and rich with possibility. The intoxicating feeling of freedom.

The summer you were twelve is a place, a moment frozen in amber, and the kids-on-bikes story is the long car ride taking you there for one shining, finite, ephemeral week of vacation. The summer you were twelve could be a week in November, or years before you were even born. The summer you were twelve could be a state you’ve never visited and likely never will. The summer you were twelve is a state of mind, and so is a story about kids on bikes.

Now and Then. Stand By Me. Kids on bikes don’t need to face fantastical monsters.

IT. N0S48U. They don’t need to be kids.

Scooby Doo. Gravity Falls. They don’t even need bikes.

It’s more than just a handful of aesthetic elements that unite them, though of course it is that too. Bikes, of course. Scabby knees and bandages. Scuffed sneakers with trailing laces. Oversized glasses with thick frames. Missing teeth, and pigtails, and shorts. Analog technology. Horizontal stripes. Scout uniforms. Pocket knives. Slime.

Monsters.

But it’s also a sensibility. Love - romantic and otherwise. The incredible power of friendship, of community, to forge bonds between strangers with little in common, bonds that can become stronger than the fear of death. Courage, and kindness, and the value of wonder in a world overflowing with amazing - and terrible - things that most of us, caught up in the day-to-day, never see.

The world the kids on bikes inhabit asks only whether those wonders might include the fantastical. The world the kids on bikes inhabit is the world we all inhabit, but more so. Everything is outsized. The joys, the sorrows, are too vast for one person to contain, spilling over onto endless summer skies. The colours are more saturated. The shadows are darker - and full, teeming with some nameless menace that cannot quite ever really be defined, cannot quite ever really be defeated. The edges are sharper between them.

There is a faint golden nostalgia that lies over it all, of course. Like an August evening in the hour before sunset. I never had any friends later on like the friends I had when I was twelve. The kids-on-bikes story is not written, usually, by the child. The kids-on-bikes story is written by the adult, or perhaps the child within the adult. Looking back and seeing, for the first time, the value of something they didn’t know was precious when it was still within their grasp.

And it asks us to believe that we all had that same precious thing.

But the haze of memory and wistful regret colour everything. Blur detail outside the central focus. Bestow a false innocence on the deliberate structure of a story. Nineteen fifty-something, nineteen eighty-something. Four (or more) boys and one girl. One of them is fat. One of them is black. One of them might be queer, but only as an insult.

They live and roam in an unmarked summerland, a world without history. Cruel or kind, the world is made new for them and them alone. The world, too, is adolescent and teetering on the cusp between innocence and hard-won experience.

The unmarked is not innocent. The unremarkable is not innocent. Monsters hide in plain sight, in the world of kids on bikes. Monsters that a stolid adult world dismisses as imagination or insanity. Monsters that, for all they disappear, chameleonic, behind the camouflage of adult assumptions of reality, can - and do - kill.

The kids-on-bikes story uses metaphor as both shield and sword. David Harbour speaks on an awards show stage about standing up for the underdogs, while Jim Hopper threatens children with bodily harm and calls a traumatised woman crazy to her face. The Goonies befriend a man the world thinks is a monster for his face, while the story mocks one of their number for his size. At twelve years old, it’s easy to see when you’re being bullied. It’s harder to see when you’re being the bully.

Love - and hatred. The incredible power of friendship, of community, to forge bonds between strangers with little in common - bonds that can exclude those stuck on the outside looking in. Courage, and kindness - and abuse of strength and power, and oblivious, childish cruelty.

The kids-on-bikes story is an adolescent itself. Teetering on the cusp between innocence and hard-earned experience. The kids-on-bikes story is, I think, afraid of growing up.

And well it might be. It’s set itself up in opposition to the adult world, the world of hard realities, the world where the terrors lurking in the shadows are easily seen and recognised, where those terrors have clear forms and names that are known. Against the world that understands and is understood. Once the world is familiar, it becomes a little smaller. Once the monster is seen, once it is called by name, it loses a little of its terror. Sometimes, it becomes clear that it was never anything more than a greedy, bitter old man in a mask.

And without those shadows, without the possibility of nameless menace, there is a fear of losing that saturated, golden sunlight. There is a fear of losing the joy with the terror.

But everyone had a summer when they were twelve. And they were not all the same summer.

There is room, I think, to tell stories about kids on bikes that haven’t already been told. There are still sun-drenched days of glorious freedom and unending possibility, where that possibility is wider than Ray Bradbury or Stephen King could ever imagine. There are still worlds and worlds of unspoken, unspeakable monsters, nameless and menacing, lurking in those summers’ teeming shadows. There is room to grow.

And kids on bikes don’t always need to be kids.

#mary writes #where the upside ends #maybe humanities academia stopped letting people just publish their rambly navel-gazings>#<on whatever was snagged on their brains that month #without requiring them to back it all up with extensively quoted sources and context and support from other academics #and just call it a 'theory'#or maybe i just never got far enough in academia to unlock the They Let You Just Say Stuff tier #either way I'm not an academic anymore #and i can write and post 'susan sontag's notes on the genre stranger things fits into' if i WANT #also I've been stewing on a queer evil-circus kids-on-bikes novel for literally a decade now #and it's given me a Lot of thoughts on the construction of the kids-on-bikes story that i wanted Out

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cloveroctobers · 4 years

Text

(A/n: this might be a little biased since I’m in love with this man & I’m basing the relationship parts of this on my mc/myself so hope y’all don’t mind 😬)

IG info/bio: @/lucas.koh | 93.1k followers | for business inquires please visit: kohptr.com

LUCAS KOH —

27 (28) years old

From Oxford, England

Father is Korean & a car salesman at a Nissan dealership, he’s a strict/serious man who has high morals but beyond that he can actually be a softie in rare moments (+ that’s who Lucas gets his height from 🤤)

Mother is actually Chinese but lived in Korea studying abroad and eventually became a successful chiropractor (s/o to doctor mondragon on YouTube who I watch to help me sleep some nights and wish I could see! Lol) with her own practice. She’s a firecracker, intelligent, and quick to say what’s on her mind and doesn’t care if you like what she’s got to say. Most patients like that about her, she’s honest and her family is used to her ways but in the same way it’s more loving than offensive? (Smol woman but will remind you when she’s cracking your body she’s got enough power in her)

Either he’s a only child or he comes from a family of all boys with two younger brothers (they’re all in their 20’s) or he has one younger brother and one younger sister idk you decide

I’m feeling like he’s a Sagittarius? Carefree in the terms of he wasn’t viewing finally getting with MC when she’s dating someone else as cheating. Mans was READY to risk it all for me okay and I was down for it but ofc I had to react realistically and NOT “cheat.” *sigh* one part of me was debating ‘are we really dating tho bobby? We’re on reality tv. We’re not gonna die without each other if we hang out in seperate rooms’ *cough* Nope. but I’m a woman about her loyalty

He’s definitely adventurous. I don’t see him as the type to want to stay home all the time even tho his work definitely keeps him busy/exhausted. He’s down for road trips 💯

Occupation? Physicotherapist. His mother inspired him to get into the field and watching sports + the way players got their injuries always intrigued him? So to provide the best plan to have someone heal was something he loved to do plus being hands on while teaching/helping was a passion for him + I feel like he would also use a massaging technique instead of the usual exercise part of it

Now as someone who suffered a ACL & Mensicus tear & is STILL dealing with this BS pain years later, I would be so thankful to have him around! I feel like he’d have a optimistic attitude towards his patients and that’s what people need not someone that’s insensitive (like my surgeon/PT’s I had)

He models from time to time, when he was first approached about it he was upfront about not wanting to do it. It was much different than getting your picture taken for the office. That’s usually quick, the whole modeling process felt longer but somehow he was talked into it by his brother who’s a photographer and his mother. “Do you think you’re ugly? ‘Cause I’m not and you’re a part of me, so therefore there’s no such thing. Just look at your cheekbones, your jawline! I gave you those. The only good thing your father gave you was height.” Which filled the house with snickers while Lucas’ father just rolled his eyes and continued reading his newspaper for breakfast

Has a motorcycle and some luxurious car—not a Tesla those are basic now 🤷🏽‍♀️

Loves his motorcycle so much he’s got a tat of it on his right bicep

He has two available parking spaces in his parking garage at his penthouse but keeps his bike away in a storage unit due to a neighbor scratching it after his girlfriend broke up with him? Saying she was off to date Lucas? But that wasn’t true at all. He barely knew the girl, they didn’t live on the same floor. People were crazy but if you push him his temper might come out

Owns a leather jacket that he paid a lot for

Believes in “treat yo self” if it means in quality when shopping and has no issue being a big spender but he knows how to manage it well (his father told him all about how his own father dealt with bankruptcy)

Since he’s often at the office the whole day, he’s usually a night owl. He loves night drives and night dining. That’s usually when he finds the best places to eat

There’s this one pho spot that he loves and it’s his go to spot when he wants something quick on the way home

Cannot sleep with his entire body covered in covers, either his arms/shoulders have to be out or his legs, which would be a issue for me/mc since I sleep with the covers over my entire body...yes even in hot weather with the AC cranked up😂

He also makes great kimchi fried rice & loves Italian food

Will wine and dine. I believe it. I envision it! He loves going out on dates with his significant other (If he’s single and not with me, I think he’d try out speed dating)

Will dress to impress, will buy you a new fit he wants to see you/us/mc in especially if it’s your anniversary

Loves taking bubble bath’s with infused oils or flower petals with significant other

He’s the type that takes long showers & it brings him a true sense of freedom. He’s never able to take a quick shower, he gets lost in his ideas of what to do next in this world & it’s limitless

If he’s in for the day, which usually doesn’t last long—he’s either in sweats or in a robe all day

Only drives his bike on the weekend or if he’s going out of town but if he’s going on a trip for a couple of days with MC & if she’s got a bit of anxiety like me? He’ll stick to his car to make them comfortable

I feel like he enjoys the winter season. Maybe if it’s a slushy rainy winter more than a blizzards/snowy season. He loves bundling up, much to people’s surprise. He’s more than just his good looks and body love island fans!!!

Doesn’t post much on his socials. If you need to see what he’s about then you should do so in person or already know who he is. The internet can’t tell you much, in his opinion

Keeps himself in good health, I mean duh what kind of PT would he be 😉 goes on night jogs with reflector clothes on & occasionally morning jogs & at home workouts

Probably will date someone younger than him. Not by much, I don’t think he can take immaturity well. (That maybe how he views it) The most is 4 years younger than him

Henrik is his best bud from the show. They hang out all the time, crash at each other’s places, and vacation together all the time. They will be each other’s future best men forsure

Doesn’t go out of his way to talk to the rest of the guys from the show but if he happens to browse his feed and sees something he wants to comment on then he’ll carry a conversation of course

Far as the girls? He talks to Hannah & Priya from time to time. He also follows Hope and they like each other’s posts but not much communication is there either?

Either has a mint or black phone case, probably a Samsung galaxy user

Likes pistachio frozen yogurt but he’s lactose & doesn’t want to believe it :(

Smokes cigars when he’s out with his boys

Has a tight knit group of friends, majority of them are from the medical field since they all went to uni together + most of them are also married so the pressure is so on

*He’s the oldest out of his sibs so according to his parents he’s expected to be married first yet his baby sis is engaged and she’s 23*

wants a family...eventually. Probably will happen in his early thirties? The max for children is 2 for him. He knows they can be a HANDFUL due to his own friends who have kids + he’s a godfather and he’s babysat before so he knows how it goes!

enjoys his freedom as stated which further proves he’s a sag lol

Enjoys going to saunas to cleanse his pores/ get rid of toxins. It’s the easiest way for him to do so even tho his brother clowns him for it

His love language is deff physical touch. He loves hugs and resting his chin on top of your head, forehead to forehead, his nose pressed in between the space of your neck and shoulder, gentle squeezes, sitting next to each other with your legs touching, cuddling, sleeping on top of you or you on him, etc

He loves kissing. It’s automatic for him and it can also easily rile him up

Has strong opinions & will show them but will feel like he’s being attacked if it brings on a confrontation/argument

Will forgive and forget

Plays strategy board games

Makes his own natural healing creams & gives samples to his patients depending on their needs

His fav colors are: blue, white, & grey

Will grow a bit of facial hair in the cooler months if it’ll make mc happy (I’m a sucker for facial hair but hate it on myself lmao) but if he dislikes the feeling on his face he will shave and finds he likes a shaven face better, the facial hair makes him look a bit older—which is okay but that’s just his preference

When he stops putting gel in his hair/styling his hair in a quiff hairstyle it shocks fans with mc commenting on one of his pics, “you’re welcome x”

Likes going to the Hard Rock Cafe on causal weekends

also likes getting freaky in public, down for whatever 🤪

He’s a traveler so if he leaves the UK, I’m seeing him land in Toronto, Canada first and falling in love with it. I feel he would vibe well with the culture there, might even consider getting a vacation home in that location

Celeb crushes? Anne Hathaway, Beyoncé, Lupita Nyong'o, Anna Diop, Imaan Hammam, Jodie Comer, Megan Fox, Shay Mitchell, & Cassie Ventura Fine

Oh Lucas. I feel like we have similar tastes? Somewhat. He probably listens to more rock than I do? Maybe 80s rock moreso? & He listens to: WALK THE MOON, Allen Stone (his fav) , Emily king, Gavin Turek, Melanie Fiona, THEY., DPR live, & Sik-k

Anthem = Young the Giant, “Something to believe in”

#litg #litg2 #litg s2 #litg lucas #litg henrik #litg mc #litg au #litg headcanon #litg headcanons #litg hannah #litg hope #litg nope

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juzaa · 4 years

Text

Idol!MANKAI AU: Spring troupe

Hi everyone! @ary-se and I came up with an Idol!Mankai au, so here’s spring troupe! I hope you enjoy it as much as we did writing it!

PLACED UNDER THE CUT FOR LENGTH:

Sakuya:

He was the one who started it all!

He was trying to get into the idol business for a while, but never really saw the opportunity until he found Mankai Agency

At first, he was really new to everything and wasn’t very confident, but over time, the fans really appreciate his development and growth as an idol!

He loves seeing his fans happy, so he posts a lot about how he stays happy with such a hectic job

He’s really scared during fan meet and greets and doesn’t like when the fans get super rabid,,,,

He ALWAYS takes the time to thank fans who show up to live events and meet and greets

He’s someone who usually helps out in daycares or pet shops

and sometimes people come up to him and go like "hey aren't you the one from..."

and he is like “Yes! Would you like an autograph??”

also he is an only child so taking care and having fun with children and animals makes him so happy

HE HOLDS TROUPE BONDING SESSIONS!!

even though he is the least experienced among them in terms of the industry, he is also a vital asset because without him putting in the effort to do movie nights and all that, the tension will still be high among the spring troupe members

MCs on the side for a bunch of variety shows because of his enthusiasm

Masumi:

Aloof but still very popular due to his bad boy image

He will 100% fall asleep in the middle of an interview

Unlike hisoka, masumi actually wakes up whenever his name is mentioned

One time, he just falls flat on his face during an interview and he realizes that Izumi is watching so he tries to act all smooth

“Masumi we all saw that”

After that, lots of rumors spread around his relationship with Izumi

His dancing is very low effort but still very good!

He only puts in effort when they actually record and live shows

There are 2 fan compilations that get a lot of attention: one of him sleeping during interviews, and one of him about to fall asleep during interviews

and the compilation of him almost falling asleep has MORE CONTENT

Fan: "Masumi isn't getting enough sleep!!" Entirety of mankai: "um no it's actually Tsuzuru but okay"

Tsuzuru:

Official Mankai songwriter!!

he composes b/c he’s a music student

He gets a little sleep in this au

Izumi always helps him out ever since she realized Tsuzuru had a tendency to keep going with the lyrics until he is done

She and Sakyo are like: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF DUMBASS, YOU’RE AN IDOL!!

Special orders the strongest coffee he can find

Tsuzuru is always the one who breaks the coffee machine

One day, Tsuzuru got a really bad writer’s block and he got so desperate that he resorted to Homare's poems

IMAGINE HOMARE SPOUTING NONSENSE IN THE LOUNGE and tsuzuru goes like WAIT HOLY SHIT THAT'S IT!!!!!

and when the songs are done tsuzuru just sings them and everybody goes like "....holy crap that sounds phenomenal but what in the world does that MEAN"

THE FANS GIVE THEIR OWN INTERPRETATIONS

their interpretations are so deep (ex: "letting go of your pain and everything that you're holding back to taste the feeling of freedom" and it actually only means homare taking a shit and it feels good)

After that, Homare’s poems are only used in the rap parts of their songs (b/c they’re bullcrap)

Tzusuru learns this the hard way

He was stumped on a song for an entire week b/c he needed a melody for Homare’s poem

So out of pure frustration he says it in an angry tone and it?? Sounds good?? :0

Itaru:

He doesn’t try to hide the fact that he games

He’s one of Mankai’s most popular idols because of his relatability

Banri and Itaru stream some of their gaming sessions

They manage to rack up over 100,000 views in the first 5 minutes of their streams

He streams solo as well, and he has a day where he just goes through games that fans have requested

Itaru can't swear during gaming sessions (it’s in his contract) so he uses very "creative" insults

One time Itaru slipped and swore accidentally

Unfortunately SAKYO SAW IT

AND HE BARGED INTO ITARU'S ROOM AND SLAPPED HIM

EVERYONE WAS LITERALLY WATCHING SAKYO WHACK THE HELL OUT OF ITARU

and after the whacking session itaru goes back to his livestream as if nothing happened

“sorry for that guys! we're back on track, as of this livestream, my videos will be child friendly"

LIKE FOR A WEEK OR TWO ITARU DEADASS RELEASED VIDEOS FOR BABIES TO SPITE SAKYO

SAKYO GETS MAD BUT ITARU TECHNICALLY HASN’T DONE ANYTHING WRONG

after some time itaru just went back to his normal live streams LOL

Because he stays up late to game, Azami HATES how he doesn’t take care of his skin and hair

There’s a week where Itaru actually has a bedtime because he refuses to take care of himself

Citron:

He's a zahran idol, and through a merge between companies he's shifted into mankai

Because he isn’t the best at Japanese, he keeps adding really unexpected twists to songs

If he trips on a word he stops to laugh a little, even during a live performance

there is a fan compilation of his little laughs whenever he trips over his words

the OP of the video compilation: "total count as of now is.... 420"

CITRON 100% WATCHES HIS LAUGH CAMS

Citron loves researching places that the boys tour!

what if there'll be a time when spring troupe (except citron) is on a vid and around the end of the vid they'll be like "if y'all are wondering why Citron isn't here, he’s on a vacation in Hawaii!"

then they switch the camera to Citron on itaru's pc, going through a road in Hawaii LMAO

Citron makes mini Mankai members for everyone’s birthdays! Every year you notice that he’s improved significantly

A lot of the members hold on to them

Sakyo has his in a display case

Chikage:

He does the spicy foods challenge!!

It’s funny when he eats something that looks like the most red food on earth and he just stares at the fucking camera with no emotion as he eats

He just goes like "so this is it??? Why the hype over this?? Are y’all weak???"

He would 100% stare at the camera during dance videos and vlogs

Extremely unsettling, but the fans go crazy over it

He’s a very talented dancer, but Chikage is slimy so he doesn't help with the choreography unless they are actually in trouble

He has a modeling job on the side, has worn Yuki’s designs to shoots

Gets a lot of hype surrounding Yuki’s clothing!!

Fans always try to find him due to meet and greets but he constantly slips away because people aren’t really his thing

#a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#a3! headcanons #idol!mankai #spring troupe #a3! sakuya #a3! masumi #a3! tsuzuru #a3! itaru #a3! citron #a3! chikage #nidswrites

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chappedandfadedvds · 3 years

Text

Nov 26th, Thursday 23:17

„I thought you’d be in bed already?“

Jens had just finished the dishes, ready to head to bed, after he spent hours trying to get all his notes for his french test ready next week. He wasn’t worried that he would fail. Perhaps a little worried.

His mother stood in the doorway to her room, when he reached the last step, causing him to watch her perplexed.

„Me too, but it looks like my side of the bed was taken before I had a chance.“

Curious Jens went up to her, sticking his head over her shoulder. Lotte was his mom’s bed, sleeping peacefuly despite the lamp on the night stand lighting the room.

They just stood there for a moment and watched the little girl. Til his mom took a step back, weak on her feet. He helped her get down and joined right after. Causing them both to sit side by side, propped up against the wall across the stairs. He had his legs pulled up, his arms hugging his knees as he stared straight ahead.

„Lucas is my boyfriend.“

It just bursted out of him, the first thing that had come to mind. He probably should have said it sooner. He didn’t even know why he hadn’t done that til now.

„No! Really?“ His mother exclaimed shoked in pretence, nudging him lightly as she chuckled.

„What reaction do you want? Strict parent, or not understanding mother, or perhaps I could tell you, I always knew you weren’t as hetero as you believed. Even though that would be a lie.“

Jens bit his lip to contain his amusement. Instead he tilted his head as if he needed to consider her words. Jens definitely knew who was responsible for his personality. Even though they only had gotten as close and on par with each other since the diagnoses. She wasn’t just a parent any longer to him. He wished they had been like that earlier. They had fought rather often. Certainly him having been to blame for most of it. Sneaking out to meet Britt and later Jana, or getting caught coming home high and drunk. Perhaps he had to change first to get to this point.

„How about your genuine feelings?“

He therefore asked, not much worried that she would dismiss his boyfriend. It took her a second to think about it before she spoke.

„Obviously I like him a lot, and I’m glad you have him, you always seem happier with Lucas around. He is very kind. And he can keep up with your assholery.“

„Assholery?“ He snorted.

„Yes, hush! You can really suck sometimes. And regarding him being a boy. I don’t care. I just want you to be loved, respected and supported. That’s all that is important to me.“

Lucas was that, wasn’t he?

„I just wanted to actually tell you this, you know, in person. Out loud.“

His mother nodded, grinning at him, as they both had turned their heads while talking. Though he brought his eyes back onto the banister of the stairs infront of him, pulling on the ends of his hoodie’s sleves.

„Don’t you think it’s unfair to him?“

„What is?“

„This. Like I know I’m his real first relationship. And I had Britt and Jana and, like, other girls before him. I feel like I’m keeping him from something. I don’t know what exactly. Dating around. Hooking up casually. Not remembering the girl you drunk kissed last night at a party.“

„Speaking from experience, I take it.“ His mother sounded gleeful as she said it. She wasn’t wrong. Not that he would actually tell her that. She knew anyway. So he went on.

„Just something that makes him regret it in the future, if he stays for all of this that is my fucking life.“

„You haven’t talked about this with him?“

Jens stayed silent. They both knew better than expecting him openly talking about his personal feelings. Late night talks with his mom though made it easier.

„I think Lucas is at an age to decide that for himself. In fact you are both graduating soon, just enjoy the time you two get to have. You are both teenagers. Nobody expects this to last forever. You are dating for what? A month? Don’t worry about what’s after, and talk to him, tell him what you think. Take it easy.“

She concluded, reaching over to place her hand on his knee. Her thumb brushing over it in light circles.

„I don’t know.“

„Then what do you actually know?“

Sometimes his mother murdered him in cold blood with her quips.

“Hey!” He exclaimed accusatory. She was his mother. She had to love him unconditional. Not be mean to him.

They both were nonetheless enjoying the quiet banter and even the silence that followed when the two of them were each sunken in their own heads.

„I’ve written your father.“ His mother suddenly said, making his head spun round. He hadn’t known they were in contact. The last two years went completely by without any message nor a mention of his dad.

„I don’t have his phone number, but his mail adress, and so I’ve told him today about everything that is happening right now. He is still the man I had planned to grow old with, the man I’d die next to. Even after all these years I can’t quite forget about him. He should know at least.“

She sounded saddened as she spoke, her voice low and resigned.

„I’m not gonna let him come back here and take Lotte.“

It was all Jens honestly cared for, even if it was cold to ignore his mothers remeining love for his father. He knew that his parents were officially still married. To his knowledge neither his father nor his mother ever hadn’t gotten into a serious relationship after they broke it off.

„Let me finish, okay?“ She interrupted his thoughts. „I also did it to send him a form Alex gave me for him to sign, and waive his position of choice as the legal guardian. I thought you may not want to talk to him yourself. It’s also one less thing for you to worry about it.“

„Thank you.“ He was greateful for that, honestly. He should have stopped at that, yet still found himself asking: „Why did you let him do this to you?“

„What?“ She looked at him puzzled, perhaps retracing her words to figure out what Jens was getting at.

„Let him leave you.“ He expanded on his question. Something he realised he had thought about since his father had left them six years ago. Jens probably should have asked this years ago in order to understand, because he never could figure it out. His father was just gone for months on end, and one day for good.

„It wasn’t something that came over night. We both knew since we began dating at university. He had always talked about his plans and ambitions. And I always reminded him that I wanted children more than anything else. So he gave me you three to love and I gave him his freedom.“

„Aren’t you regretting it?“

„Letting him go?“

Jens nodded. Yes exactly. Like how can you merry a person you know will leave you at some point. Maybe even a fixed point as his father began his expeditions and travels right after his phd.

„No. Well sometimes. When you three drove me crazy. Especially that one day you decided to give your baby sister the cream jar, for her to smear all over the living room, herself and you included. I had to bath you three for an hour to get everything washed out. Cried two more hours after. And the armchair, the poor armchair had to be thrown out.“

She laughed, as she indulged in her reminiscence. He couldn’t help but smile at her. They really had done some dumb stuff when they were younger. How his mother had managed to keep Lies and him in check while tending to Lotte was a mystery to Jens.

„But no I don’t regret ever having had all of you. Nor having let him follow his passion and do his work. I think he would have stayed had I asked him to. But he would have come to resent me for it one day. Sometimes you have to let people go because you love them.“

„Sounds stupid.“

His mother just giggled at his blunt response. She rose her hand ruffling his hair, ignoring his complaint as leaned away to escape her teasing.

„Maybe you are right.“ She admitted sheeply. „I am your mother, but I really don’t know shit.“ She grinned brightly at him as he watched her amused. „To let you in on the secret of adulthood. You just have to wing it most of the times and hope for the best.“

His groan could have probably woken his sister if she wouldn’t be such a deep sleeper.

„This sucks.“

„It does.“ She agreed without hesitation, trying to comfort him with a kiss to his forehead. It helped a little.

„So what are your plans?“

„For what?“

„I don’t know.“ She shrugged, leaving him none the wiser on if she was playing at something. Maybe Lucas had talked to her today?

„Senne invited us all for christmas to go to his grandparent’s cabin in switzerland.“

„Really?“ He hadn’t expected her to look so happy while surprised.

„Yes.“ The confirmation was just a little whisper. He was uncomfortable to talk about it. Jens knew she would want him to go. And he knew he couldn’t just leave her at home, and enjoy his holidays, knowing his mom’s declining health. What kind of son would he be?

„Wow now I’m very jealous.“

„I’m not going.“ He cut her off, before she could say anything else. Of course it was already to late, her cheery expression already faltering.

„Why? Come on, Jens, tell them that you will join their trip.“

„It would be our last christmas.“

He only had to send her one look, to make her understand and sigh.

„I know. But I’d rather have you spend some weeks away from all of this. Get your head free a little, get distracted. I had planned to go see my mom in Brussel anyway, if I can, before... You know. So you could drop off Lotte and me on the way and then see your friends. Sit in front of a fire with them. Kiss your boyfriend on a mountaintop. I don’t know. Just enjoy your time, before you’ll have your little sister tag along on any other vacation for the next couple of years.“

It sounded so easy when his mother said it. As if he could just turn his brain off for a moment and not think about her all the time when she wasn’t around. But he supposed she had a point. Especially at the end of her little monologue.

„Geez. You might be right.“

„I always am. So you are going?“

He kinda hated how bold she smiled, knowing she had made him consider it and probably accept Senne’s invitation. Damn her.

„I’ll sleep on it.“ He sighed once more, while he rolled his eyes especially hard.

„Good enough for me. We should probably head to bed as well. When will Lucas be here with his mom for breakfast again?“

Oh. That reminded Jens of what he actually had wanted to do after dinner, when he had stood in his room questioning why he had made the trip upstairs in the first place He definitely had taken his phone off the charger and down back to the kitchen, didn’t meant he had actually sent the text.

„Eh... Shit, should probably message him. I forgot. What was it? Nine thirty? Ten?“

Lucas had said something before he had left.

„I can’t believe I am leaving all of this and the responsibitliies to you.“

His mother cluck her tounge, as she shook her head. Her expression definitely amused.

„Funny. Come, I’ll help you up.“ He said getting to his feet first before he extended his hand for her to take. They both needed a moment to recover, stretching in place after having lingered in the same position for a while. And on the hard floor as well.

In turn it was her now reaching out for him, to nudge him towards her room. Both squeezing in on the free side of the bed. His mother only reaching over to turn off the light and call it a day.

__ __ __

tagged: @odi-et-amo85, @tayspots

#week 5 #wtfock #skam #vds #jens stoffels #lucas van der heijden #chapped and faded #mama stoffels #i'll miss writing these #one of the last easy talks between them

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