#that one tried to follow me into the fine arts building one night last week and that was very startling

[whynotcherries]

i am both ( -- not exaggerating -- ) terrified of and so incredibly allergic to cats but i just saw one on tiktok HUGGING IT'S TAIL. and i WANT ONE.

#i am only scared because... let's say i babysat a kid with a cat once and i have the scar to prove it #i have little experience with cats because they literally make my face swell but i want one i want one i want one #we have campus cats one of their names is pumpkin #that one tried to follow me into the fine arts building one night last week and that was very startling #i was not expecting the outdoor cat to try to get inside but yk #non-authoring shit

[blysse-and-blunder]

I posted 6,790 times in 2022

That's 346 more posts than 2021!

58 posts created (1%)

6,732 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@leitharstjarna

@masteroffoolhardyplans

@knifepadme

@fade-steppin

@dying-suffering-french-stalkers

I tagged 2,104 of my posts in 2022

#the untamed - 287 posts

#art - 204 posts

#cql - 179 posts

#the untamed fanart - 165 posts

#mdzs - 87 posts

#goncharov - 86 posts

#the goncharoverse - 74 posts

#unreality cw - 63 posts

#postry - 53 posts

#ilcb - 47 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#‘you’re right i did need to see that’ ‘if you share the link i can watch from here!’ ‘i missed this but that’s so cool thank you’

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

in lieu of a moon cake

aug 29 - sept 11, 2022

where have the ilcb posts been the last four weeks, i hear you cry? well genuinely, the end of summer took me and i wandered out of time and thought. did watch the moon rise rich and golden last night, though, so--on balance--we're doing just fine.

reading finished my ancillary justice re-read this morning and i got so much more out of it the second time, newly attuned to the little differences between this and all the other space opera i've been enjoying. also finished obernewtyn (isobel carmodie), one of the growing list of YA sci/fantasy i'm catching up on using libby. spent a lot of last week reading or what you will, jo walton, which i think i will have more to say about when i finish it, and listening to ann leckie's the raven tower as an audiobook on various commutes-- perhaps not the best medium for it, but the reader's absolutely eating the accent work which does liven things up. i also acquired a romance novel from @dimir-charmer which is Certainly Something, not quite up to the level of some of the classics @pandolfo-malatesta would review but which has made me say out loud 'stop using that word, i do not think it means what you think it means!' every time this poor author tries to call someone 'contemporaries.'

listening so i know we all remember (for better or worse) passenger's 'let her go' from 2013 or whenever, but i have very specific tender feelings and memories attached to that whole album. a recent re-listen, followed by a tour through his recent, extensive new discography (like five albums since i last checked, holy shit), has shown me that i'm not even remotely capable of being objective, but i do think? that none of the new stuff has grabbed me? like it all sounds consistent, it all sounds, uh, the same, and the nuances and things i can pick out in the tracks from all the little lights (2012) or hell even whisper (2014) are just...not discernible (is this just a question of production)(possibly). to quote one of the new songs, uh, it leaves me cold? whereas 'feather on clyde' is still revealing and teaching me new things to get teary-eyed about (this time it was the line 'well god knows that i've failed, but he knows that i've tried'), and just...plus the string duet at the opening of 'things that stop you dreaming,' the way it builds up so, so sweetly, the lyrics taking you by surprise by leaving no breaks or breaths until the chorus, playing with pace and rhythm--still not tired of it.

watching i spent most of last week cycling between 'sandman', 'doulou continent', and 'oath of love', with a brief detour to the mdzs donghua with @hematiterings as per us-- sandman is good, though i haven't finished it. i got to the death episode and did briefly cry actual human tears about the old violinist and the young honeymooners, only to have the rest of the episode with its chronological humor (reminding me of ep 3 of 'good omens', what with the 'let's put our cast in several different centuries and enjoy what that does to their hair', thank you neilman) give me slight emotional whiplash. the problem with my cdrama habit is that, especially with duolou continent, i've had a hard time believing i've seen as many episodes as i actually have (also viki is...incapable of keeping my place) so i tend to back up to whichever episode number sort of feels right? which means i've seen episodes 11-15 like three times each. at least now i'm getting people's names.

playing finished up summer and fall of year two in stardew, won the grange fair and the ice fishing contest now that it's winter, and just bought a duck! (her name is fern)

making i think the garden is fading, we're still harvesting tomatoes but a lot of the leaves have turned yellow and crinkly, meanwhile the squash (?) vines have all withered except for one, perplexingly round little green squash (?) with a few nibbles out of it courtesy of the neighborhood fauna. when do i pluck it? is it still...getting anything out of being on its vine?

working on *cue panicked laughter* chapter 1! also that presentation / conference paper based on chapter-1-or-possibly-the-old-book-practicum! also that presentation based on chapter-2-or-possibly-chapters-1-and-2-OR-possibly-the-diss-proposal! with all the complaining i've done to various friends and colleagues, its no wonder there's not been any. further writing. distracting myself by insisting on doing things for the incoming students, which has been very fun and diverting since they are cute and much easier to help.

20 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

#4

in lieu of a break

10pm, sept 25, 2022

the title is a lie, today and yesterday have both been breaks in their own ways! but the days do start coming and they really don't stop coming, do they. kay @girlfriendsofthegalaxy did a really nice couple of posts not long ago explaining the Theory of her tuesdayposts, to which i have only to add that-- i think for me these are turning into a steam valve, where i let out whatever is happening in my head that has built up over the past little while; they are analytical or creative endeavors in their own way, sometimes, but i mainly write them for myself and my own recall (so that i can go back and check out what i wrote about first watching the untamed, for example, please see iclb 2 or 3 from way back), and to keep track of my days. which is going to mean they aren't Reviews or really Criticism, though i may dabble in both, and any enjoyment or enlightenment anyone else gets out of reading these is incidental. for this one, it's a real head empty no thoughts list of titles, so hold on to your butts let's go.

reading the big mention here is that i just finished susanna clarke's piranesi, which i didn't know how to feel about until like 30% of the way in, and then began to enjoy quite a bit as the whole conceit became clearer, and then found...melancholy but beautiful by the end. honorable mentions over the past mumblemumble weeks to (checks storygraph): squire by tamora pierce (reread), ancillary justice by ann leckie (also a reread); the raven tower (not a reread, also by ann leckie--though i still haven't finished it); and the duchess romance which i did finish mostly out of morbid curiosity.

watching strangely this will be the largest section for once! the escapism has been strong lately-- and there have been many excellent movie and tv show friendship opportunities. in reverse order, i have now seen two episodes of the new netflix bee and puppycat and find it delightful if inscrutable; i have now seen two episodes of the second season of fate: a winx saga also on netflix which i found less delightful, even more inscrutable (since i hadn't seen the first season or the previous show, lmao) but extremely funny to watch alongside more deeply invested jammies; i have now seen the first three episodes of andor and found diego luna as charming as ever; i have now seen the prestige (2006) and it did lodge in my brain in the way only very rare movies do; i have now seen the newest three (?) episodes of star trek: lower decks and did think the most recent one with the recruiting booth and the rutherford memories plotline to be incredible star trek and some of the best lower deck stuff yet; i did make my housemates watch a double-feature of the princess diaries (2001) and the princess diaries 2: royal engagement (2004), which were extremely fun and also wild opportunities for early- oughts media criticism and an in-depth examination of the portrayal of hereditary monarchy (and on the heels of qe 2's death, no less);

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20 notes - Posted September 25, 2022

#3

In lieu of a commonplace book: summer nights

begun 9pm, monday, july 25, 2022 continued 11pm, monday, august 1

this post is like a week overdue, and has been tricky to write because i've had such high hopes for it. because this post? full of things that sparked joy. so i want to do them justice! finally finished a bunch of books, finally started listening to some new music which has been so good for my mood; it's felt like (last week and this weekend in particular) there's been novelty and enrichment in my enclosure. wrote my way into something i think i can now be happy with, at least; it's long, but it's true, and i can be grateful for the small victories.

reading i want to commemorate the fact that, somehow, i ended up finishing hilary mantel's the mirror and the light on the exact day, july 28, that it ends-- *spoilers* the anniversary of cromwell's death *spoilers*-- which given that i probably started reading it like 18 months ago at this point, feels absolutely fated. also if you're laughing at the fact that i felt the need to spoiler that, just know that i didn't know he died at the end. also, didn't know his involvement in the anne of cleves marriage! also didn't quite know political the kathryn howard marriage was-- but of course it must have been, had to have been. the last, oh, maybe 100 pages of this book, where it all starts to unravel, were the most engaging of the whole thing. i think the goal for the book, the intended tone, was this slowly mounting sense of melancholy, or of fatigue, of things falling apart, but it didn't translate to suspense or tension or uhhh pathos for me, except for maybe a few brief chunks in the last five pages that were then overwritten by how...tacky the last few lines were? i wish i could say that my feelings upon finishing this book were more than just, well thank goodness that's over. i think this one was a victim of its predecessors' success, in the sense that-- it took what i liked or what worked from the first two, and overdid it.

in contrast, and what an interesting world it is that i ended up getting to read these two in conversation, my loan for victoria goddard's the hands of the emperor came in on july 18 and, despite being actually longer than mirror and the light i have already finished it, and in fact started it over again from the beginning immediately. it...stunned me a little to think about the broad similarities between these two, but think about it: two main characters who are, essentially, self-made men who worked in and through governmental policies to change the world on behalf of a monarch ruling with the force of state and church and tradition, whose succession is a Big Issue and whose temperament, for better or worse, makes all the difference. i wouldn't say that's necessarily what hote is actually *about*, but putting it out like that was a fun thought-experiment.

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22 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

#2

in lieu of a commonplace book has fans??

8 pm, july 11, 2022

wow y'all . in the last week i've been tagged in three (three? 3!!) other weekly roundup post from... loyal readers, what the fuck. friends!! first, i love that this series has been entertaining for literally anyone apart from its intended audience (i.e. future me). indescribable feeling. second, feeling flattered but dismayed by the folks who say they have never liked or commented on an ilcb post, but have apparently been reading them this whole time. wild. i had...no idea. you are all hereby empowered to engage, if you'd like (which i'd like!), and i'll do the same on yours! i love this for you guys. please revel in all the things you like and the delights that are you.

now, this post is delayed (again), because as much as i like to have them published on weekends, weekends are also where i tend to get the material i talk about. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ read on for some discussion of stranger things s4 episodes 1-5, and an extremely goofy medieval-renaissance video game. mild spoilers for the lloyd alexander novel the black cauldron.

reading i finished lloyd alexander's the black cauldron after having lingered on the last 3 pages for like....multiple weeks. (i thought there was more to go, but it turned out the last few pages were a preview of the last book.) i know a lot of people in welsh / celtic studies have nostalgia for these books but at the same time may or may not actually like them, because of the way they play with characters or lore from the Four Branches. personally i'm kind of into it? i didn't read them as a kid, so i don't have nostalgia per se-- i'm into the fact that i can recognize things, tone or theme as much as substance, and that i can imagine reading this aloud and enjoying the pronunciations and inspiring whatever children might be listening. also, the change from the first book to this one, and the changes made between this book and the movie, made me really enjoy this book. i liked adaon, and i was okay with the presence of ellidyr (he's very consistent with the spirit of efnysien, if not the reality, which could also be said about most of the book). i was...almost ecstatic about the way it wasn't gurgi, in the end, it just made so much more sense this way. this falls into the same category of reading YA fantasy i missed as a kid, initiated by the dianna wynne jones books and alison croggon's books of pellinor last year, and contrasts interestingly with the tamora pierce reread i've been doing.

listening a weird mashup of the a short hike soundtrack and the reddit manwhore playlist , because work and focus has continued to be. weird and challenging. the video game 'energizing but also focus' music is usually helpful but i nearly dozed off at my desk yesterday. still, i like that i've discovered a new game ost (owlboy) which is a lot of fun. do i know anything about the game? no! i'll have to investigate it.

watching episodes 1-5 of stranger things season 4. i'm not...having as much fun with this season as i remember having with season 3? it's something about how spread out and disconnected the cast are (they split the party ☹️) and partly also, that... as the kids have grown up, the differences in acting skill level have become more obvious. i just...have so much more fun watching joe keery and sadie sink and millie bobbie brown do their things, than i do the rest of them? the fact that david harbour basically doesn't get to speak for these whole first five episodes (plus the fact that his whole story line is just not that interesting?) feels like such a waste. a lot of what they give joyce and robin to say also feel like a waste? murray is fun but like...he's light comic relief now. what happened. the first episode of this season felt like it had a coherent vision with the dnd / hellfire stuff, but it's diffused a lot at this point. though i do giggle like a maniac when they so earnestly name-drop vecna-- having listened to crit role campaign one, i go 'oh hey i know him!' every time. i guess the thing for me is, i've always come to this show for the way it imitates and references horror/80s thrillers/etc, for the loving callbacks, more than these things themselves. i don't want or need it to be like. actually these things. and the more it tries to be, the less fun i have?

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25 notes - Posted July 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

My dash did a thing I thought amusing

175 notes - Posted November 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#gosh this is so funny #my top posts in 2022: word vomit #long post #year in review #tumblr wrapped #tumblr 2022 #Youtube

[avocado-frog]

Forget-me-not. 25

Chapter rating: T Chapter warnings: Nothing really. I think it's okay. A bit of arguing Chapter title: 3/13/2019 Word count: 2000 Summary: The only redeemable thing about this chapter is the opening line past that it sucks. Lily goes to get Elliot, and is horrible at interacting with kids

"Oh my god, we fucking lost Elliot."

It was dinner that night when they noticed that Elliot was not in the house. Lily's gaze drifted to Jaxon, who shot his hands up in defense.

"What? I didn't lose him!"

"You were the last person he was with," Leo tried to reason. "He didn't say anything?"

"No!"

"Guys, guys," Logan, now, was attempting to reason. He set his fork down, and the rest of them followed. "Now isn't the time. What's important is making sure he gets home safely, not who lost him."

"Even though it was Jaxon," Lily muttered. Jaxon slammed his hands on the table, opening his mouth, and Logan cleared his throat.

"Lily," Logan warned, glaring a bit. Lily slumped back. "There's supposed to be a snowstorm soon, and he's out there by himself, so I'll go with Jaxon, the twins will go together, and Lily can go with-"

"I'll go alone," Lily offered. "Snowstorm, don't want any of the younger ones going off on their own, y'know? I'm not handling sick Dylan ever again."

She and Jaxon both shivered at the memory. That had been the longest two weeks she had ever had suffered through. Sick Dylan was a small bundle of twenty blankets, tears, and rage. Dylan had once attacked her and Jaxon with an art easel for trying to give them water and then immediately proceeded to burst into tears when the water spilled. Eventually, they moved them to the attic and left it to be Logan's problem.

"That is fair," Logan decided, and turned to Dylan, beginning to sign. "Stay with them, okay?"

Dylan responded with a thumbs up, and led the remaining two triplets to the couch in the living room. Lily could only hope they wouldn't burn the place down. Dylan would probably be fine, but Ryan and Sam were at each other's throats with the world's largest machetes. And Dylan got overwhelmed with other people fighting.

Logan seemed to think the same thing, as he winced, and ran to catch up to Dylan. He told Sam to go up to his room and Ryan to stay with Dylan. They seemed to be okay with that arrangement.

Lily turned to leave while the others were getting ready, Logan was already starting to go out the door- he didn't need a coat, since he had ice magic, invulnerability to the cold- and was met with a sharp gust of cold air. The air was hazy with white, fast snow, the streetlights were barely visible, cars sped away to try to escape.

Hopefully Elliot wasn't hit by a car. That thought made her go a bit faster.

The others had split off to go find him. Lily searched the general area and almost slipped on the ice. She caught a glimpse of a woman in a dress and a scarf talking to a boy in a purple t-shirt- shit.

And he started walking off towards a different building. Lily's heart shot up as he walked into the traffic. She ran over to the woman and nearly tripped on the ice again, swiftly grabbing onto the woman's wrist.

"Excuse me-" Lily coughed with the effort of running and the cold air in her throat. "That boy that you were talking to, he's... my friend's brother... he wandered off. Did he say where he was going?"

The woman looked a bit skeptical, but sighed, and tugged a blanket tighter over a baby in her arm. "That boy said he was looking for his mother. He said she was going to meet him at the cemetery."

And again, the heart rate fucking spiked.

The woman must have noticed her sudden panic, placing an arm gently on her shoulder. Her breathing was too fast.

"His mother's dead," Lily tried to explain. The woman's eyes went a little wide. "Fuck, okay. Fuck. I have to go get him, thank you."

The woman still looked a little baffled, but nodded, mumbled a no problem and so Lily was off again. At least she had the common sense to wait for traffic, unlike the delusional child she was chasing.

She darted across the street, stalking through the snow in front of the church, and grabbed the metal bars of the gate, hopping over the fence.

She saw Elliot standing in front of a tree, staring at nothing. The lavender t-shirt he wore blew in the harsh wind, his shoulders moved as if he was talking to someone. Lily kept walking through the thick snow, cold seeping through her coat, until she got to him.

For a moment, she wondered if Elliot had been meaning to visit his mother, as in her grave, since he was in a cemetery of all places. The only thing was, was that she knew Elliot, and he had an episode similar to this, sometime in February, when he refused to leave his room because he thought he was being watched. When Lily asked who he thought was watching him, it'd been his dead mother. The headless corpse, to be specific.

And if he'd wanted to see the grave, he could've just asked. When they'd first moved to the triplet's old house, obviously the body had been abandoned there, and Logan hadn't let her inside until it was gone and the house was bleached. She assumed the body was buried in the backyard, because Logan didn't call the police, knowing they'd be taken back to the lab.

Elliot hummed like he was thinking, before going back to speaking to the air. "I'll get to come home soon, don't worry."

That raised concerns, but Lily was too curious to stop him. He kept talking for a while, head moving a little, raising his head when Lily assumed he was talking to his mother, and leveling it when she assumed a second person had entered the conversation.

If Lily didn't know that he would be sent to the lab again, she would've taken him to at least ten different therapists by this point.

Eventually it'd been too long, and she grabbed him by the shoulder. Elliot whipped around, frantic. He did not relax upon seeing her, and instead grew more tense.

"Elliot," Lily tried to keep her voice calm, despite it shaking from the freezing cold. "We have to go home. Now."

Elliot stared at the ground for a moment. His face was pale, lips looked almost light blue. That was bad. He shook his head, and Lily wanted to strangle him. She didn't.

"I want to stay here."

"This isn't up for negotiation." Lily exhaled, slow, cautious. "It's like, ten degrees outside, you'll get sick, okay? Come on."

Elliot huffed, and shook his head again.

"Ell-" Deep breath. "Elliot, it's going to storm. You don't like storms, right?"

Elliot considered that statement, and shook his head. They were getting somewhere.

"Okay, and you don't like being sick either, right?" Elliot shook his head. "That's what I thought. What if we went home, and did something that's... I don't know, warmer?"

Elliot crossed his arms, shaking his head. Lily made a strangled sound through her teeth.

"Why?" It was hard to hear over the wind, but Lily decided it didn't matter what Elliot's response was, as she abruptly grabbed him by the wrist, and lifted him up. He scratched her neck and kicked the back of her knees, but otherwise, gave up relatively quickly. Lily tried to cover his arms with her hoodie sleeve.

It took at least thirty minutes, despite the short distance, as a result of the fast wind, speeding cars, and heavy, blinding snow, to get home, but eventually, they did, and Elliot was asleep, and everyone else was home. When she opened the door, Logan was pacing a hole into the carpet, and Leo was waiting by the front door.

"I've gotta talk to you later," Lily pointed at Leo, handing the girl's brother to her. "He thinks your mother wanted him at the church."

Leo's eyes widened in understanding, as she carried him to the couch. She used a bit of fire magic, enough to heat up her hands, to warm him up. Keep him from dying, and shit.

"Ah, shit," Leo cursed. "Bleh. Kid got sick."

"No-fucking-shit Sherlock," Jaxon deadpanned, and Leo glared at him.

"You're the one that let him outside in the first place!"

"I didn't even notice he was gone!"

"Exactly, dumbass!"

"Guys!" Logan finally snapped. "Can it wait?"

Jaxon made an annoyed sound, and Leo apologized. Logan sighed quietly, sounding irritated. Lily chuckled, leaning back into the couch cushion. Elliot made a small, grumbling sound, as he leaned into Lily's shoulder. Unused to that, she raised her hands, not quite sure how to respond. She patted him on the head.

They finally broke Logan, as the eldest began- in all fairness quite softly- scolding the younger two. Lily didn't think she'd ever see Logan actually get in an argument with anyone who wasn't herself (even then, it was jokingly) and yet, here they were.

Likely because Logan cried when he got angry. Lily wouldn't argue with people if she started crying, either. Logan was sensitive. Lily was sure it was a crime to upset him. If it wasn't, it should be.

"How old are you guys? Can't you just drop it for two minutes?"

"Oh boy," Lily hissed through her teeth. Elliot tensed under her arm. "Hey, are you good?"

Elliot responded with a soft, panicked sort of whimper. Lily sighed, and picked up one of the couch pillows, chucking it at Logan's head.

"Hey you fuckers! Shut the hell up! You're upsetting Elliot. Probably the other kids- who're definitely listening- too. Do we need to perform a calming circle? Hold hands and sing?"

Logan took a small breath. "Right. Sorry."

---

They had a truce. For the time being.

Logan hadn't said a word since the argument- Lily knew he probably felt bad, since it was Logan- and the twins weren't talking, and neither were Leo and Jaxon, or Ryan and Sam. Elliot was currently in his room sleeping. At the very least, they weren't actively fighting.

Lily had to be the one to break the silence. "Okay, so does schizophrenia run in your family?"

Leo and Cass both shrugged, as to be expected, Sam clearly had no idea what words just came out of her mouth, and so she turned to Ryan.

"Dunno," Ryan mumbled. She hadn't really known what she was expecting.

"Environmental factors can play a role." Lily chewed on a piece of bread. "And I think that's what the kid has. For reasons I hope I don't have to explain."

He was talking to himself again when Lily tried to get him to his room. He had stopped, staring at the staircase, and threw up. So that had been unpleasant.

"And we can't take him anywhere to get diagnosed," Leo asked, glancing at Logan, who nodded. "Fucking bullshit."

They would just have to hope for the best.

#confirming elliot as schizophrenic this chapter #writing #writers #original work

[queenshelby]

My Friend’s Father (Part Six)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Age Gap, Mild Sexual References

Words: 1,937

Notes:

I have decided to make this into a series.

Alright, no judgment. This was a dream of mine and I felt like I had to write it down. Everyone in this Fic is over the age of 18 and this Fic is in no way based on Cillian’s real family life. It’s pure filth.

 *************************

The Afternoon Before (Cillian’s POV)

Before the opening, Denise had the opportunity to show both of her parents the art which she had created.

Neither of them had seen the photographs before and were rather excited to see what all the fuss was about.

‘Alight, alright…here they are’ Denise said with excitement and, whilst her mother smiled and told her how beautiful they were, Cillian gulped harshly in surprise.

‘Dad, do you not like them?’ Denise asked as he stood there, chin dropped and speechless.

‘They are amazing’ he confirmed although he wished that he had some warning beforehand when it came to the content of the pictures.

Cillian wasn’t sure whether he should look at the pictures in detail or whether he should try and look away. Seeing you like this was difficult and his manhood soon began to stir as his eyes gazed over your perfectly shaped breasts and your messy hair.

The Opening Night

You stood in front of the large mirror in your bedroom at your parent’s house just outside Galway and tried hard to clip your hair up which had always been a struggle.

Somehow, you managed and the tucked-up hair allowed you to show off your exposed shoulders and back.

The black dress you had chosen for the gallery opening was made out of stretchy fabric. It was simple but yet elegant and left the entirety of your back exposed while a rim of fabric ran across your neck.

You were lucky that your breasts were small as there was no way you could wear a bra with your dress and you certainly didn’t need to.

The dress was flattering around your hips and finished just below your knees.

‘You look nice’ Connor said as he picked you up from your house and, fortunately for you, your father wasn’t home in order to make a scene about your revealing outfit. Your parents were strictly catholic and wouldn’t have approved, nor did they approve of Connor who, in their opinion, was way too old for you.

‘I look nice, do I?’ you chuckled, having hoped for him to choose a different word perhaps, such as ‘beautiful’ or ‘stunning’.

‘Yes, very nice…let’s go, huh?’ he then said and you nodded, following him to the car.

The drive to the gallery took only 15 minutes and, after Connor had handed his car keys to the valet, you walked inside the building where, almost immediately, you spotted Denise and both of her parents.

‘Oh wow, you look amazing’ you said to Denise before giving her a big hug. As usual, her clothes were colourful and unique.

‘So do you in your sexy black dress…Connor, isn’t she stunning?’ Denise winked, before saying hello to him also.

‘Yeah, she looks nice’ Connor then said, causing Cillian, who was standing behind Connor, to cock an eyebrow. You noticed him looking at you with burning eyes, clearly having noticed the fact that you weren’t wearing a bra.

‘Hey Y/N’ he then said, before giving you a friendly hug as well before you greeted Denise’s mother the same way.

Breathing in Cillian’s scent took your breath away and you immediately forgot about Connor by your side until Denise took it upon herself to introduce Cillian and her mother to Connor as well.

Just as you got talking, the others arrived and it was Amalie who stole the show, wearing the shortest dress she could have possibly found.

You couldn’t help but notice that Connor was staring at her and it was obvious to you that he would have liked it if you wore something more revealing like her.

‘Can’t walk in heels Y/N?’ Amalie then asked sarcastically and you shook your head, wearing nice but flat sandals with your dress.

‘I never saw the point of high heels. They are rather impractical, don’t you think?’ you asked, but Amalie ignored your question and immediately began to hit on Cillian instead which was rather amusing to watch.

***

After the initial chat, you allowed Denise and her parents to talk to some of the other artists and guests and disappeared into the crowd with Connor, trying to hunt down the photographs Denise had taken and which you had not yet seen.

‘You didn’t tell me you knew Cillian Murphy’ Connor said somewhat surprised and you told him that he was just Denise’s father so you didn’t think to mention it. Of course, you would never have wanted Connor to know that you had, in fact, slept with Cillian.

‘Whoah…and you also didn’t tell me that you look like this beneath all your clothes’ Connor then said all of a sudden, interrupting you mid-sentence, as he glanced over to where the photographs of you were displayed.

‘Well, if you had bothered to take off my clothes first before we had sex then you would have known’ you winked as you grabbed one of the glasses of champaign from the bar.

‘We were short of time but, perhaps, I can make it up to you tonight’ Connor then winked and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, thinking back at this one night a week or so go which was the first and last time you had sex.

‘Apparently you were short for time, yes’ you said teasingly, reminding him that, after ten minutes of missionary, he realised that the football was on and left you high and dry and certainly dissatisfied.

‘Tonight, you can show me what’s under this dress and I will worship this body of yours’ Connor said and his comment made you chuckle.

‘We will see’ you smirked and, just as you did, Cillian walked past the two of you and smiled.

You hoped that he didn’t hear any of this but, then again, if he did, you hoped that it made him at least a little bit jealous.

‘So, what do you think?’ you then suddenly heard Denise ask from behind and, because you were so busy starring at her father, you didn’t realise that she was there.

‘These pictures are amazing Denise’ you said as you were extremely happy with the result.

‘That’s what dad said too actually’ she then said, causing you to blush.

***

As the evening went by and Connor had one glass of wine after another and making several inappropriate and rather controlling remarks, you knew it was time to leave but, Denise didn’t want you to go just yet and, in the end, you told Connor to take a taxi home and that you would see him in the morning.

Luckily for you, he agreed and you were beyond embarrassed by his behaviour as he was trying to dictate what you could do and what you couldn’t as the night went on.

‘He is…uhm…interesting Y/N’ Denise’s mother then said before continuing on and asking you whether you don’t think that he’s a bit too old for you.

‘Oh, I see, you spoke to my parents’ you chuckled as you watched Cillian sip on his glass of wine while cocking an eyebrow.

‘I am just saying, I can see their concerns’ she went on to say, causing Denise to roll her eyes and it was at this point when Cillian interrupted his ex-wife.

‘That’s enough. I think she’s old enough to make her own decisions’ Cillian said and it wasn’t until, some point later when you followed Cillian down one of the hallways to get your coats from the cloak that you had some privacy and Cillian voiced his concerns.

***

‘Be careful alright’ he said after he told you that he was concerned that Connor acted in a controlling way and that he didn’t like the way he was speaking to you.

‘This is not how I meant it Y/N. I am just trying to look out for you’ he said and you couldn’t help but laugh, which is when he pulled you around the corner of the hallway, worried about someone listening to your conversation.

‘Listen, I don’t need you to tell m what to do. I am not your child’ you huffed out somewhat irritated by his comments and you weren’t sure whether it was his concerns that bothered you or the fact that he never contacted you again.

‘Look out for me? That’s funny. It really is’ you chuckled before asking him why he had never contacted you after your visit to Dublin.

‘Why would I have contacted you? I made it pretty clear that, what happened between us, was a mistake. It can’t happen again’ Cillian huffed out and, just as he did, you shook your head in disbelieve.

‘Alright, that’s fine…but stay out of my private life then, please. I don’t need this kind of lecture about who I should be with and who I shouldn’t be with from you’ you said angrily.

‘Common Y/N, you can’t tell me that you actually have feelings for a guy like this. You are more sensible than that’ Cillian said with frustration.

‘I think neither of us have been acting sensibly lately Cillian, wouldn’t you agree?’ you asked, raising your eyebrows.

‘That’s not the same Y/N. Like you said, it was just sex between us. But with him, it’s more than that isn’t it? You are dating him, are you not?’ Cillian then asked sternly.

‘Oh my god, are you jealous?’ you asked angrily.

‘I am not fucking jealous. Why would I be jealous?’ Cillian then asked annoyed.

‘How the fuck do I know. I don’t know how the hell your brain works. After all, you made the same mistake twice. Once, I can understand, but twice?’ you asked with fury.

‘And so did you’ Cillian blurted out.

‘Uhm, yeah, but I didn’t say it was a mistake, you did. For me, it wasn’t’ you huffed out.

‘Fuck, this isn’t going anywhere, is it?’ Cillian then conceded angrily and you shook your head.

‘No, it’s not, just leave me alone, okay?’ you then huffed out angrily and, just as you did, you could feel Cillian’s hands on your hips and your back pressed against the wall behind you near the stairway.

There was an awkward silence between you as you stared into each other’s eyes and, just after Cillian looked over to both sides to ensure that you were alone, he pressed his lips onto yours firmly.

You parted your lips slightly, allowing his tongue to invade your mouth as you gave into this kiss. Your hands were soon tangled in the top of his hair while his hands were caressing your face.

But then, all of a sudden, you pulled away and shook your head.

‘No…no I am not letting you do this again’ you huffed out before walking off.

Whilst you wanted him badly, you didn’t want him to walk away from you again, saying it was a mistake.

   Tag List:

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@peaky-cillian​

@severewobblerlightdragon​  @ysmmsy​  

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy x you

[cinnamonest]

I am loving all these "Bitter Albedo getting revenge and doing as he wants with the reader"— but also, equally as bitter Creator! Reader growing resentful towards Albedo and wanting to do to him what he's done to her, or even _worse_. Anything to take him out of her life, so she half bakes a plan to "finetune" later, first starting off by building up some trust to get on Albedo's good side, she "gives in", plays nice and gets to work on alchemy with him.

She follows this routine, playing the loving glorified "housepet". But all the while, she's been fine-tuning her escape plan. It would either put him in an equal disadvantage to him, or it might kill her. At this point, either outcome would be mercy. She tells him there's still things from the Art of Khemia she hadn't taught him.

Things she'd learned in her travels while experimenting, not long after they'd gone their separate ways.

It starts out with gathering ingredients for tamer recipes, and just like she'd promised

New techniques, new creations and new knowledge was gained.

She makes him believe that she's adapting to his existence, maybe even tolerating him, but he didn't expect for her to only grow more and more bitter as time went on. The only thing growing in her heart was the resentment she harbored for him, any sort of admiration or genuine adoration she held for her creation all but crushed. She wanted nothing of him ever again, he had gone too far, miscalculated even, in his theory that reluctant "love" would follow his treatment.

Over the course of a few weeks, she has him carefully wrapped around his finger, unknown to him that she would show him just how much mercy she showed him when she sent him his own separate way. He was suspicious at first, of course, but in his moment of weakness, in his need for the approval she had been "showering" him in, he pushes the thoughts aside when he sees that her claims seem to be "valid enough".

He follows her instructions, and each time he gains new information on old, or even lost, techniques. Raging from little things she'd kept to herself so that he wouldn't have to interact with him when they worked together, To combinations only a mad woman who's challenged nature would dare think up.

and one day, she's telling him that she thinks he's ready to try the last thing she had managed to research on her own. He mixes the ingredients according to her instructions, everything seems to be going fine until he adds the last thing— and it's immediately reacted in a messy blast.

Albedo finds himself blinded by the fallout, as well as finding a surprising lack of digits on where his hands should be. His ears are ringing, obviously, such a blast would deafen anyone.

It's the creator's way of getting her own vengeance for the position he's put her in, at least this way, maybe, _maybe_, she can have a chance to finally put her failed created behind her. After all, he was always her most _disappointing_ creation.

AHHHHHH anon that took me aback at the last bit I was not expecting that. Poor little thing, how could master be so cruel...?

After the obvious resulting chaos (and agony), he'd be quiet for a long time. He ties you to the bed with what's left of his hands, having to use his mouth to tie the knot, and... leaves. Usually he's good about leaving you food when he goes out for the day, but not this time. He doesn't say a word as he leaves, even if you call out to him.

And he's gone for several days. You're starving, but even when he comes back, he doesn't say a word at first. Doesn't acknowledge your presence, no matter how many times you call out to him. It goes on like that for hours until eventually, without prompting, after you've given up calling for him, he just simply states a few thoughts.

He was... too kind. He understands that now. You didn't deserve it. You didn't appreciate it properly. So now, you will earn your way back to the way things were.

For starters, he takes the legs off at the scar. No real reason other than to hurt you. To see your horror when you fully wake up, pain, having to adjust. He pulls the same shit where he makes you beg for anesthetic and painkiller, but it's infinitely more painful this time. He keeps you just a little bit awake for the whole thing, even if you beg enough to be given some anesthetic during the procedure.

And after that, he stops talking to you. For good.

He himself is learning to adjust, having been given a prosthetics for fingers (literally Fullmetal Alchemist lmao) that he can make do with. You can learn how to adjust, too. Having *no* legs is actually different than just having numb ones, and learning to live without them is harder than you thought it would be -- your center of gravity and sense of balance changes, you have to avoid certain positions or risk a sharp shooting pain, etc. But even when you stumble and fall, and call out for help... nothing happens. You have to fix it on your own, or, if stuck too far to move, wait until he comes by up to hours later and silently sets you upright. If you call out in what sounds like high distress, he might come running over to make sure you're not in immediate danger, but after looking you up and down and ascertaining you're just uncomfortable and/or stuck, he slowly turns back, deciding he'll help you when he feels like it later.

You don't eat together anymore. He feeds you in a bowl on the ground. The first time, you turn your nose up and fold your arms in disgust... even though you haven't eaten the entire time he was gone. You're just that stubborn. No matter. Eventually, you cave, maybe the second day, maybe the third or fourth. He doesn't say anything the whole time, just takes the food when you make it clear you won't eat it, and puts it out each night, until you give in.

You sleep on the floor. Chained by the neck to the bedpost. You understand the message without needing to be asked out loud. You hated him so much, didn't you? You'd much rather be on the cold, hard floor than in bed, since he's in it, wouldn't you? Since you hate him so much?

And still, he doesn't talk. Somehow, that hurts the most. He was never very talkative, but he'd comment every now and then, ask you for your thoughts on something, but he now acts like you're not even there. No matter how many times you call out to him, he acts like he doesn't hear it.

It goes on like that for a month or so until you finally break down. Latch onto his leg and sob and plead. You feel like you're going insane, you say. You just want him to acknowledge you exist again.

...But why should he, he asks? It's the first thing he's said to you since the leg removal. He won't turn his head or eyes to look at you. What does he get from talking to you? You were so mean. For the few months leading up to the incident, you were so, so, so mean. He tried to be nice and get you adjusted, and you fought him every step (well... not that you were taking many literal steps) of the way. Remember? You were mean from the moment you woke up then. And then, when you were finally nice -- when he trusted you -- you went and did what you did. What reason does he have to acknowledge you? You'll either be mean to him or plot against him again. And that's all he's willing to say.

A few more weeks. A few more breakdowns. You know the intention -- he wants to truly, completely break you in a way that he never could when he was showing you any kindness. And, you hate it, but it's working. You find yourself begging. Sobbing. Rocking back and forth and clinging to his legs. Utterly pathetic, pitiful, humiliating displays of neediness and weakness. It breaks you down until he finally deems you complete, and one day finally makes eye contact with you for the first time in months.

There's not much left of "you" per se, though. The nasty attitude you had back before is almost completely gone. You're finally happy when he talks to you -- something that, after so many months of going insane from silence, you consider a privilege. After so many breakdowns and humiliation, you don't have much pride left to get in the way of begging, no shame about anything you do. It's perfect.

Not that it doesn't come back, sometimes. Sometimes, when you're having good days, you get a bit too comfortable, you forget what a privilege it is to be like this together, and you almost get mean again. But it's fairly easy to shut down with a very specific look that shuts you up immediately.

Oh, and he finds a way to fix himself, in the end. Being an artificial creation, he has a different compositional makeup than a person, so there are... ways to adjust and repair the body he has. In fact, he might even find one that would work on even an organic human, a miracle regenerative formula.

Not that he'd give it to you. But he makes sure to tell you all about it, showing off just how perfectly it regenerated his hands... just to see the look on your face.

#tw: violence #lena's asks #q #.al #.creator

[futuremrsreid]

Baby Steps

Request: @gubswh0re requested: "hi! could you do 20,25 & 48 from the promt list all in one? would be amazing, thank you!!"

Summary: A case gone wrong and Spencer blames himself. Reader tries to make him feel better.

Couple: Spencer Reid x reader

Category: hurt/comfort, angst, a bit of fluff if you never felt happiness before

CW: sad as fuck uhm I lowkey broke my own heart but its also really sweet

Word Count: 1,9k

If I had to describe Spencer Reid handling his emotions in two words, they would be “quiet suffering”. In the two years I have known him he only opened up a handful of times. Not in the sense of him never talking about his past or things that happened to him, but whenever he talked about these things, he tells them like one of his facts. He tells you that his mother has schizophrenia, but he doesn't tell you how he feels about it. It always reminds me of a medical anamnesis.

On rare occasions, he would break. Everything became too much, even for him. I remember the first time I witnessed it very clearly. It was after he visited his mom for a few days and, from what he told me, she was in such a bad condition that she didn’t even recognize him. He was devastated and when he was on his way back he drove straight to my apartment, not knowing how to deal with everything. Spencer didn’t call or text before he arrived there and saying I was surprised when I opened my door doesn't even come close. His eyes were bloodshot and it looked like he hadn’t slept for weeks. Truth be told, I was very overwhelmed so I did the only thing I could think of. I pulled him inside and hugged him as hard as humanly possible. 

In the office everyone always jokes about Dr Reid and his fear of human touch, but he hugged me back so hard that breathing became just a little difficult, and in that moment I realized the reason he doesn’t hug people isn’t because of his fear of bacteria. It’s because of the closeness of it. My heart cracked then.

The next discovery I made was that Spencer is a quiet cryer. I didn’t even notice it until his tears started seeping through my shirt and I could feel the wetness. I don’t know how long we stood there, but when I could feel him calming down a bit, I pulled away just enough to be able to look at him. He was extremely embarrassed and started to pull away completely to cover his face with his hands, but I’m too stubborn for that, so I grabbed his wrists and made him look at me. He started crying again then. 

It took an hour until he started telling me what got him so upset and after that we talked the whole night, about his mother, her sickness and everything related to it. I always hoped that he would open up about it eventually, but when he finally did, I couldn’t handle it very well. I tried not to cry myself, but that is hard when the person you love most breaks down in front of you like that. 

That night I held him close, let him lie on my chest, played with his hair - everything to try and make his pain go away. And after that day I thought things would have changed, that he would stop hiding and open up more to me,  but I was very wrong. When he woke up the next morning he apologized about a hundred times and no words or reassurance made him less ashamed. Afterwards he tried to act like nothing had ever happened.

So in conclusion: I had done a lot of difficult tasks in my life, but getting Spencer Reid to talk about his feelings was by far the most difficult. Nonetheless, today was one of those rare days.

We just came back from a really shitty case that resulted in more victims than it should have due to the police department holding back evidence. It was messy and frustrating and exhausting. Spencer was there when one of the victims was shot and he blamed himself for not preventing it, even though we all told them that there was no chance that he could have done it.

And as if the case itself wasn't bad enough, we were stuck for more time back in the office to do the paperwork. When the clock turned 8 pm Hotch came out of his office to tell us to go home. We all sighed in relief and started packing up our things. All of us except a particular dr. He was still sitting at his desk, typing away on his computer. I watched him for a while, contemplating what to do, and after everyone said their goodbyes, I walked over to him.

“Come on. I’ll take you home”, I said, leaning on his desk trying to catch his eyes with mine. No luck.

“I still have work to do, I’ll take the subway home later.” He continued typing like i wasn’t even there and I got frustrated. The case was already bad enough and I would not stand here watching him torture himself.

“That wasn’t a request, Spencer.” I didn’t intend to sound so harsh but hey, at least it made him look at me. “We are gonna leave. Now.” He opened his mouth to protest and closed it again, he knew better than to argue with me. My eyes said it all: If he would stay, I would stay. And since Spencer Reid cares about everyone but himself, he closed his computer and packed up his things.

The walk to my car was quiet, and so were the first 5 minutes of driving. I kept glancing at him from the driver's seat, but he was looking out of the window, lost in thought. The guy on the radio made a stupid comment and normally he would have immidiatly complained, but it seemed like he didn’t even hear it. His brain is a beautiful place with a million facts and ideas, yet I can imagine how scary it can be as well. When Spencer gets really lost in his thoughts he begins to spiral and I can just guess that that is what happened at that moment. Only then I came to the conclusion that he wanted to stay and work because that would distract him from anything going on inside. 

“Talk to me, Spence.” My tone was pleading, practically begging at this point.

“I’m fine, y/n.” I sighed. I was thinking about just letting it go, but then I thought about him alone in his apartment, stuck in this beautiful scary brain of his. I wanted to help, but I didn’t know how. I took a deep breath. If you're lost, stick to what you know.

“Do you trust me?”

“What?”, he turned to me with a quizzical expression on his face.

“Do you trust me?”, I asked again, looking him in the eyes this time.

“Of course I trust you. Why are you even asking me this?”

“We’re making a detour. I’m gonna show you something.” My words didn’t leave room for questions so we just fell silent again. He continued to watch me with a questioning look, but i tried to ignore him. I was too focused on taking the right turns anyway. It was hard to find my way in the dark, but 5 minutes later we were there. I got out of the car and waited for Spencer to do the same and after he did, he seemed more confused than ever. I walked over to the familiar building and fished for a key at the same moment. 

“What is this place?”

“It’s an art gallery. My mom used to work here.” I found what I was looking for and started to unlock the door.

“And you just have a key to this place?” If the circumstances were different, I would have laughed at his confusion, however, the circumstances weren’t different.

“Yep.” The door opened and I looked for the light switch. “Come on, just follow me.” 

I led us up the 5 flights of stairs and then, after 2 more doors we were finally there. The place that has been the only place I called home for the years before I joined the team.

“Are you sure we should be doing this? We’re not breaking in right now, are we?” At this I did laugh. I stepped further onto the rooftop. 

“Relax Spence, we are not breaking any laws.” He was still hesitant so I took his hand and pulled him to the edge. The railing was high, meaning there was no danger of falling down. I let go of his hand and leaned on it. The building was on a small hill and since it had a few stories, you were able to look over a big part of the city. It was always a beautiful view, but that night was extra special. It was a Friday in the late summer, which didn’t only mean the sky was clear, there were also a lot of traffic lights and buildings that shone bright. 

I just watched and after a few minutes Spencer stood beside me and did the same. Some time passed before I broke the silence.

“How many people are living in the US?” He didn’t hesitate before answering. It was like a reflex for him by now. I liked to ask random questions all the time and to this day, he always had an answer.

“331.002.651 people.” I paused for a few seconds.

“You can’t protect all of them, Spencer.”

“Y/n I-”

“I mean it, Spence. It is humanly impossible to protect everyone. You can protect some of them, maybe even a lot, but you won’t ever be able to do that if you keep beating yourself up over incidents like today.” He sighed and opened his mouth to speak, but I wasn’t done. “I know how you feel and I know it’s not easy. There was no chance for you to save that girl, Spencer. Zero. And if you can’t accept that, you will lose yourself. And then you won’t be able to save anyone anymore.” I know it was harsh, however, sometimes that's the only language he understands.

“You could have said all of that in the car.” He paused. “Why did you take me here?” I didn’t expect him to comment on what I said. He knew I was right, that’s all I needed.

“My mom sometimes took me with her on her shifts and after she was done we would go up here. After she died the owner gave me a key so that I could come here every time I needed it. Or needed her.”

“Do you come here often?”

“Not anymore. This place was the only thing making me feel at home for years and I came almost every day, but when I started working at the BAU I stopped going here more and more. And now I don’t really need it anymore, because my apartment finally started feeling like home. Especially when you are there.” I looked at him while saying that last sentence and I saw him smile for the first time in days. His eyes caught mine.

“Thank you, y/n.” Those words could have many different meanings. Thank you for taking me here. Thank you for staying. Thank you for making me feel better. But it didn’t matter what he meant, because I knew.

“Do you want to go home?”

“I think I’d like to stay for a bit longer.”

And that's what we did. We stayed there for hours. That night we talked through every possible way of how Spencer could have acted differently, yet every scenario ended with the death of that girl. After that he finally accepted that it wasn’t his fault. Baby steps.

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #reider #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #this one hurt ngl

[formidxble]

summary: you and chan follow a routine every night. tonight’s different. 

pairing: bang chan x female reader 

word count: 3.1k

genre: angst, like Extreme Angst™️, college!au, established relationship

warnings: a lot of swearing, toxic relationship, mentions of sex ( oh and btw, this is not beta read. we die like men)

note: omg? finally? i got to write something and now i’m posting it on here? confidently??? who is she, we don’t know her! enough jokes though, this is my first fic ever that’s going to be posted on this platform, so i’m excited! constructive criticism and feedback are welcome 👉🏻👈🏻. 

tagged ❤️: @popisdead @hanflix

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ masterlist

it’s become routine at this point. 

when chan sees your room’s light turn off, it’s a signal that your roommates are now headed to bed and that you’re ready to come out and meet him. it’s been a busy few months for the both of you and the nights were the only time you two could meet. he’s a business major working on his business proposals for the semester and you’re a performing arts student, preparing for this semester’s art production. saying it was hard to make time to see each other was an understatement. nevertheless, you two made sure you still met, may it be only for a few minutes. some nights you were lucky, being able to meet for an hour or so. nights were reserved for chan and for chan only. 

after putting on your coat, you reached out for the door knob as you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. “are you coming or not? i’m freezing” you sigh softly.

the first few nights were fun, you have to admit. impromptu grocery shopping for the both of your food supplies for rest of the week, a few make out sessions here and there, and sometimes, leading to even more if you both were lucky enough. it gave you a high you never thought you would ever come down from. whenever he kissed you after a long day, you felt as if the weight on your shoulders fell off, even for just a moment. whenever chan held you in his arms and told you it was going to be okay, your chest loosened, even for just a moment. chan was the calm in the chaos and when you were in his car, holding his hand and feeling his lips lingering on yours, he provided the needed break you longed for during the day.

but, as the days and weeks passed by, the nights became shorter and quieter. rides became quicker and the good conversations slowly turned into mere small talk. no longer would he give you soft touches, no longer would he ask how your day went, and no longer would chan look at you the way he did before. no more i love you’s, no more second glances when he dropped you off at your dorm during the early hours of the morning. you excused the change of behavior as the result of your fatigue in school. the change was expected, you always told yourself.

it’s become a mantra now, something you repeated to yourself as you lied in bed at night, a routine. a routine. 

you close your eyes for a moment as you twist the doorknob to open the door. you focus on your phone again as soon as you got out of your dorm. “coming."

you spotted chan’s car a mile away. before, he would put the window down to greet you, a soft smile spreading across his face. now, you were faced with the car’s tinted windows, your reflection staring back at you as you wrapped your fingers around the handle of the car door. you heard the lock click. 

“hey,” you mumbled. you heard a soft hum in response. you quietly put the seatbelt on, relaxing your back on the seat as you stared ahead. chan was on his phone, seatbelt off. light from his phone illuminated his features. the bags under his eyes were a little bit more prominent than the last time you noticed. you wonder if he’s been eating, getting enough sleep, but you weren’t in the position to ask now. not when frustration is starting to boil in your chest.  

you didn’t know if you should call him out. it was his way to unwind as well, but then again, he was there to pick you up for a short date. this was the only time you both had for yourselves, yet here he was, texting away on his phone. this shouldn’t annoy you as much as it does now because chan does this whenever he was waiting. 

“hey,” you repeat louder. chan looks up from his phone, an eyebrow raised. 

“yes?” he asks, turning his phone off. the two of you are surrounded in darkness, with only the light from the lamp posts outside lighting the interior of the car. 

“what do you mean, ‘yes?’ are you serious?” chan furrows his eyebrows at your words as he straps himself in. he turns to you, blinking. you suck in a breath. 

“this is the only time we get to spend together and you’re on your phone? are you ser—“

“i’m sorry. there,” he breathes,  “can we move past this? i’m not in the mood to fight.” he interrupts. you open your mouth to say something back, but you’re cut off by the movement of the car. 

the air inside the car was heavy, heavier than usual. sure, you and chan had a couple of unresolved fights the other nights and sure, you spent you early mornings crying over him, but it should have been resolved with the few kisses he gives you, right? then why are you so upset now? chan makes amends, tells you he’s sorry for raising his voice, for ignoring you the whole day. he was busy, right? of course he’ll end up not texting you. he kisses the pain away, even though he’s the reason for said pain. he talks his way out and if he avoids the topic of the fight, you wouldn’t mind. that was the routine. but not tonight, apparently. 

“you’re always not in the mood.” you whisper, crossing your arms in front of your chest. you watch the trees outside of the car starting to blur as chan’s driving sped up. this night will end as quick as it started, you thought. you hear a sigh beside you. 

“i just—“ chan starts, “i can’t fight anymore, y/n. i’m tired.”

��and you think i’m not?” you answer back, looking at the man beside you, “god, we never talk anymore, chan. all we ever do is fuck the pain away and—“

you’re cut off by the sight of chan’s knuckles slowly turning white on the steering wheel. you almost don’t see the way he clenches his jaw. he pulls the car over at the side of the road and for a second, you think you two will be able to finally talk about your issues, the problems that were never muttered, but still plagued your relationship. god knows you wanted to hear from him, anything— fuck, just anything to finally resolve it, fix it. to finally end the routine you both had. but that hope shatters as soon as his mouth opens. 

“what do you want me to say? we’ve been okay, we’ve been fin—“

you let out an exasperated sigh, eyes meeting his, “we aren’t fine, chan, we haven’t bee—“

“what do you mean?” chan questions. he removes his seatbelt to turn to you. a gentleman he still was, even though you knew he was avoiding the topic. again. “fuck, what do you want me to say? i was on the phone. how does that merit a full blown argu—“

“it’s not about the damn phone!” you exclaim, finally feeling the frustration in your chest blow over. 

were you going crazy? why didn’t he see the changes? doesn’t he feel the frustration? were you the only one feeling this way, then? does he feel that everything was okay or were you that good at acting that everything was okay, that nothing was wrong? you run a hand down your face as you try to collect yourself.  the car became quiet, as always. chan was never really vocal about things like this and let you do the talking. maybe this is why issues were never resolved. 

“then, what is it about?” chan mumbles, eyes never leaving your form. you let out a soft scoff.

"what is it abou—are you kidding me? are you fucking with me?”chan raises an eyebrow in response, furrowing it afterwards. he lets out a sarcastic laugh after a few beats of silence. he shook his head as he turned to face the road again. 

“is this fight going to last all night? if so, i’d rather just drop you off,” he starts to put his seatbelt on, "we can continue our date when you’re not this moody."

and at that moment, your world nearly stops. the silence in the car was loud and the tension, if you could see it, could be cut with a knife. his words echo in your mind as the car starts moving again, chan preparing to make a u-turn to go back in the direction of your dorm. 

“not...this...moody?” you repeat to yourself. chan nonchalantly hums in response. 

you couldn’t even look at this man anymore. it was as if you didn’t know him anymore. he carried the name of your boyfriend, but was he really the chan you knew? the chan you knew won’t be able to say these things to you, let alone treat you like this. you feel like a deer in headlights, shocked at how everything led up to this moment. and to think that the turning point of your relationship was something as simple as chan being on his phone. you closed your eyes as you tried to fight the lump forming in your throat. 

“so, what am i supposed to do?” you ask. "just go home and think about what i did? what i said?”

chan shrugs. he shrugs. you couldn’t believe how he didn’t take this conversation seriously. was it because you’ve been in this exact same situation before? sure, fights have been frequent, but were they frequent to the point that chan just straight up ignored them? to the point that he never brought the topics up again? no effort to try and fix it?

was he that tired that he was willing to let everything pass? let you suffer in silence? 

“stop the car,” you whisper shakily. chan doesn’t listen, though. he never does, he rarely does. he never listens anymore. 

“chan, please stop the car,” you feel stupid begging, but that does it. he stops the car again, your dorm building in sight. his knuckles start to turn white again, but he closes his eyes this time. you hear him take a sharp inhale through his nose. 

“i can’t fight anymore, y/n, please, just...we can fix it tomorrow, whatever it is.”

you let out a soft sob at his words. “chan, you always say that, god, you always say that.”

chan grips his steering wheel tighter. “yes, i do, but we always fix it. we always end up fixing it.”

“no, we fucking don’t!” you scream now, releasing the frustration that has been clawing to come out, “no, we don’t fix things, we fuck it away and we pray that things magically turn okay in the morning, but it never does! it never fucking does!”

chan stays quiet, eyes drifting to the car floor. you wish you could know what he was thinking. you wish he would talk to you, tell you what he really felt instead of just sitting there. god, were you tired. you were tired of pretending things were okay when they aren’t. you were tired of telling yourself it would be fixed, that the relationship would go back to normal, but it never does. and you just somehow have to live with it because that’s how it is with you and him. that’s the routine, right? and even though you hated it, you tolerated it because you loved him. but people will reach an end point, one way or the other. you can’t help but feel that this was yours. 

“loving you is so exhausting, chan, i—“ your voice cracks, “i’m supposed to be content with this treatment? you and i not talking the whole day and then meeting at night just to make up for lost time, have sex, and pretend that everything’s okay, that the fights have not gotten out of hand, that we’re going to be ok—“

“we are going to be okay, fuck, it’s not that easy,” chan mumbles, “i’m trying, y/n, but i can’t give you everything you need, not anymore.”

silence fills the car and it engulfs the two of you. 

"what changed?" you sob softly, tears now slowly flowing down your cheeks. it was okay, a few weeks ago. days became busier, tasks became heavier, but did that mean that your relationship had to deteriorate the way it has been? 

“nothing changed, please, y/n,”chan breathes, not turning to look at you, “we just got busier and—"

“we weren’t like this, chan, we used to talk about things. w-we used to...talk. we can’t even do that now? am i asking for too much? i shouldn’t be begging for your time, chan, please—“you cry out softly. “why am i always second to you, chan? i try to be the best for you, chan, please.”

chan lets out a shaky breath as he tries to find the words to respond with. “y/n, it’s not y—“

“spare me the bullshit. spare me the "it’s not you, it’s me”. at least, be honest with me.” you say firmly, wiping away the tears on your cheeks harshly. 

“i...i just don’t feel like i’m ready for this yet, okay? i want to fo—"

your feel something in your chest. a pain you’ve never felt before. chan’s words become a blur as you feel your back hit the seat. 

you’re taken back to a time in your childhood when you were trying out the jump rope your friends had. being the idiot you were, you jumped in time with the rope and it tangled on your feet. you ended up falling on your chin, scraping it in the process. the pain rang through your skull and for a while, you couldn’t move, tears merely streaming down your cheeks. and to that that one time during one of the art productions in university, you ended up falling off of the stage. of course, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but maybe if they turned on the lights before lowering the stage, you wouldn’t have broken your ankle. you remember how worried chan was, but most importantly, you remember how much it hurt. you couldn’t walk and if you tried, it would shoot pain up your leg. 

adding all the pain you’ve felt in all those moments, it wouldn’t amount to the pain you feel now. 

not ready? not ready after 3 years? how could he say that? this was the man you saw your future with, someone who was supposed to be your soulmate. that was him, that was chan. the nights you shared, the words you uttered, were all those fake? were all those just to make everything feel okay? 

not ready? 

not ready.

the words echo in your mind like a broken record. were you supposed to beg him to stay? beg him to be ready when he just admitted that he wasn’t? as you turned to look at him, you didn’t see the chan who loved you. instead, it was the shell of the man who used to love you, care for you. fuck, was love supposed to hurt this bad? you feel your heart starting to crack even more.

if this was love, you didn’t want it. not anymore.

“drop me off,”you mumble after a deafening silence, voice shaking as a sob threatens to come out of your mouth. chan turns to look at you, finally. you don’t meet his eyes anymore. you, instead, just look straight ahead. if he wasn’t ready for a commitment, even after 3 long years, then you were not about to beg him to stay. chan opens his mouth to say something, but you notice that he just swallows his words. he turns to look in front of him as he pushes on the gas again to drive back to your dorm. if he wasn’t ready, then he wasn’t ready. there’s no point in trying to convince him he is. the next best thing is to leave and let him figure out what he needed to figure out. if he needed space, he could have told you. what bothered you the most is the fact that chan’s always been about communication, but somehow and somewhere along the journey, he changed. maybe that’s just how it goes. 

when he pulls up in front of your dorm building, chan turns to look at you again, eyes scanning your features. “i’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

you shake your head, eyes closing as you tried to fight the urge to cry again. the question he asked has always confused you. it was always like this, that even after a fight, he expects to see you again, the same time, the same place. you were tired and it didn’t help that you now knew why he wasn’t acting the same— he wasn’t ready to commit to you, even after all this time. 

“i’m ending it here, chan."

“ending what?”

ending the routine, ending the cycle, ending us. these words rang through your head and you didn’t know which to answer. was he acting aloof so that he could get off easily? that maybe you’ll let him off again because he somehow can’t understand what was happening? you swallowed. 

“us, chan, i—i can’t go on like this anymore,” you pause. was this what you really wanted or were you doing this to prove a point? you weren’t sure, but one thing’s clear, you had to do this, not only for him, but for you. you can’t subject yourself to this cycle anymore. you had to break it sooner or later. “when i get out of this car, we’re over."

chan’s car became a place of love and security in a world full of uncertainty and chaos. it was where you both spent time together when you needed a break, when you needed to be together. now, it was a place of loneliness and despair. it became a place full of resentment and unresolved issues and you can’t help but wonder how chan will be able to sit in his car again without thinking of this moment. before he could respond, you were out of the car. 

in the back of your mind, you hoped that he would call you, run after you. beg you to stay, tell you that everything will be fixed if you just gave him time. you prayed in your head desperately. if he did so, you know you’ll come crawling back to him. if he showed some sort of care, some sort of longing, some sort of initiative that he wanted things to work out, that he wanted this as much as you do, then maybe you’ll come back to him again. that’s how it always was, right?

right?

behind you, you hear the car drive away.

#stray kids #bang chan au #bang chan x reader #skz #college!au #bang chan #the way i sobbed while writing this is criminal #kpop scenarios #kpop #skz imagines #bang chan angst #skz chan #skz angst #thanks for reading!! #kim tries to write #archive #stray kids imagines #skzstorynet

[jujutsu-headcanons]

Gojo Satoru general headcanons

Let's get one thing clear: this man is absolutely chaotic. He is always full of energy. His energy levels never reach below 50%. He is loud and proud, always running, and never takes a minute to relax.

Do not give him Monster. Shoko did that once and it took her forever to get him off the ceiling. Also, avoid caffeine. Shoko replaces his normal coffee with decaf and he still hasn't noticed the difference. Keep it that way.

He was the class clown when he was younger. He wasn't exactly a trouble maker, but he may as well be. I cannot word that sentence and I am sorry. Next.

All of his teachers assumed he never listened in class, so they always called in him when they thought he wasn't paying attention. It still shocked them every time he rattled off the correct answer.

Not only did he answer the question correctly, but he could also explain his reasoning behind the answer, and if it was multiple choice, explain why the other answers were wrong. 

This tall man child would march up to the board and absolutely fill it to the brim with work, turn around, drop the chalk-like a mic drop and walk back to his desk with the smuggest look on his face.

That doesn't mean he did the work tho

Idk how schools in japan work but we all know schools in America only care about the amount of work you do and not what you actually know so we'll use that for the sake of the headcanon: he had straight D's bc he never turned in his work

Despite not doing the work snd goofing off, teachers actually really liked him

A lot of people liked him and he was super popular, but he still felt alone

Fake friends, you know how that works, he didn't meet any real friends until he became a shaman

Clean freak. This dude actually makes his bed. He scrubs his bathroom twice a week. His desk can get cluttered but he straightens up once a week. He's not exactly a germaphobe because

He cannot respect your personal space and that's actually canon but let me take it a step further 

He's a slapper. Especially when he laughs. It doesn't hurt, it's playful dw. He hugs you from behind especially when he's cold. He picks you up and carries you around. He will grab your wrist, arm, or hand and lead you around even if you're following him. He lays his legs across you or lays across your lap. Puts his head on your shoulder. Platonic cuddling between friends is mandatory. He's just so hands-on it's ridiculous.

Unless you explicitly tell him you're uncomfortable he won't stop

Don't worry, if you aren't in that type of relationship, your no-no square is safe. Except, if you seem chill, he will slap your ass regardless of friendship status. His ass is also slappable. You can't tell me Geto and Gojo didn't run around slapping each other asses, okay

He was weird and scrawny as a child. He didn't start beefing out until he started training to be a shaman and he's still kinda smaller than most beefy boys

He can pick you up and throw you around easily. He carried around a 170 pound Yuji like a sack of potatoes and can easily carry around three times that weight

It's amazing he's so tiny because you remember 2014 Shane Dawson making all of those wack ass desserts that was just s pile of chaos wrapped in chocolate?

He can eat every last bite of one of those monstrosities without getting a stomach ache, gaining weight, or dying basically

He knows bc Yuji dared him to do it

He has really cold hands and feet

He sounds old. Let me elaborate. He's constantly cracking his joints. They also creak when he moves. He complains about body pains like he's 80 y/o

He also shares wisdom with the kids as if he's actually 80 y/o

It's irrelevant advice that doesn't make sense but is also useful. Megumi can't count the number of times he's asked Gojo for feedback on his technique but had been told to remember to chew 40 times or never go to bed angry

Starts off sentences with "now son" and "when I was your age"

He uses his blindfold as a headband when he wants his hair out of his face. He also uses headbands as... Headbands... When he wants to wear sunglasses but get his hair out of his face

He owns so many pairs of sunglasses but he always wears the same pair

He's only bought a handful of them himself, most of them are gifts

No one knows what to get him for Christmas or his birthday bc he has everything, so they resort to sunglasses

His favorite pair is a pair that Shoko and Geto bought him as a gag. He thought they were dead serious, though, so he wore them around for a month

They were heart-shaped, rose-tinted glasses

Can you believe this man doesn't use any gel or anything to keep his hair spiky with the blindfold on? It just naturally defies gravity when the blindfold is on

Tell this man he's pretty because he already knows. He's narcissistic but not the cringy kind

Photogenic as hell. Takes great pictures from any angle. 

He gives everyone a different story as to why he covers his eyes. Sometimes he says it's because his eyes are too pretty and are a distraction. Sometimes he says it's because the sunglasses/bandages/blindfold look cooler than his eyes. Sometimes he says it's to protect the six eyes from seeing things he doesn't want to see. The world may never know

He's tried covering his whole face before, but he thinks he's too pretty for that. He at least wants one of his many amazing features to be shown at all times.

So about his driver's license;

He knows how to drive. He can be a good driver. When he wants to be. He just doesn't have a driver's license.

Now he TELLS people he just never got around to getting one, however, there's a rumor he lost it due to too many parking tickets

It's amazing the only tickets he's ever gotten have been from that and once he got caught without a seatbelt; he would have gotten out of that one if he hadn't been flirting with the police officer so bad

This doesn't stop Gojo from driving places though

He steals Ijichi's car a LOT and Ijichi DOESN'T KNOW HOW like??? The windows are never broken and it doesn't look hotwired-

Gojo has a key

You're not even supposed to be able to duplicate car keys but Gojo did 

Also; none of the first-year trio knows he doesn't have a driver's license, though that much should be painfully obvious

He whips around corners, speeds up at yellow lights, goes "watch this" and does a donut, it's just a mess

The poor students have to sit in the backseat too. Just imagine Megumi with all three seatbelts around him like that one meme.

He thrives off of Nobara and Yuji screaming from the backseat, and he can see Megumi being smooshed because he thought the middle seat was the safest through the rearview mirror

Which he doesn't even need because of the six eyes

Despite being such a reckless driver, he knows when danger will happen, so he's never once gotten in a wreck

He blasts the radio, which makes up for the driving.

Has a habit of getting in a car and ending up in the McDonalds drive-thru

Steals other people's fries and keeps the fullest one for himself.

He was rebellious as a kid and teenager, but hey, at least his juvie record is sealed 

He's been detained and in the back of a cop car many times, but the reason was never really bad enough for him to be arrested. Mostly he's just being mouthy. And the time he got caught spray painting on the side of a building. And that one time he and Getou hopped the fence to get into the local pool. And that other time-

It got worse after Getou wasn't around to get him out of trouble. Suddenly, breaking the rules wasn't fun anymore and he mellowed out. 

Tried alcohol and cigarettes before he was legal. Decided neither was his thing, however, he did start drinking occasionally when he was legal.

He's a fucking chaotic drunk. Oh my god he's absolutely feral

Most bars in the vicinity know him by name and they sigh whenever he walks in

Shoko is his emergency contact. She hates it

Shoko has to drag drunk Gojo home at least twice a month and is not happy about it

Once she left him in an alley. He made it home okay so she guesses it's fine

Once he got so drunk he spilled beer on his sock. The thought the fastest way to dry them was by sticking them in the microwave. Forgot about it until someone asked, "Who the fuck is cooking socks???"

I feel it important he was in the break room of the local grocery store and no one knows how he got there

As he was escorted out he stole a grocery cart and rode away in it while singing Don't Threaten Me (With A Good Time) by Panic! At The Disco

He has no alcohol tolerance at all what so ever

He will literally just stare at you and giggle

It's funny he's really flirty but also doesn't seal the deal. Literally, every woman in that bar is willing to get in his bed but he declines every offer. No one knows why

Its because he respects women

He helps his students break the rules as long as they're within reason. Once night Yuji was really hungry and after having a temper tantrum he couldn't order Uber eats bc the school is supposed to be secret Gojo helped sneak him out to get food. Who needs curfew anyway.

The shirts in his closet range from like twenty bucks to the iconic rich bitch shirt the kids ruined in that one chapter we all know the one 

He still wears that by the way, he calls it "art" 

When he was younger, Megumi drew a picture of Gojo being eaten by his shadow dogs. Gojo found it and now it's framed in his room.

He keeps up with current trends and memes like no one's business. This is how he bonds with his kids.

Don't call him old, but also, he'll tell you to respect your elders it's a mess

He has a lot of games on his phone. You can usually find him holding his phone sideways playing some RPG game he probably spent too much money on 

He did hop on the Pokemon Go hype train but after becoming overpowered he got bored

This happens to a lot of games. He pays way too much money, gets to be the strongest in the server, and gets bored

He likes games where you can kill other people's troops and likes to watch as they lose all their power

I canon him as being borderline sadistic

This is why he's Sakata Gintoki reincarnated

White hair, sweet tooth, black leather clothes, dad vibes, never takes anything seriously bc when he does he's scary as fuck, the works.

He is Sakata Gintoki

He liked Gintama growing up. He watched a lot of iconic shows as they aired. He considers himself an og

He's hella bilingual

Because he's the strongest he goes overseas for missions a lot. Because of this he speaks a lot of languages and knows a lot about international cuisine 

He takes pictures of himself eating disgusting foods like snails. He never likes them but he loves the idea of Nobara gagging back in japan

Has paperwork sitting untouched on his desk from three months ago that he will not touch for at least another three months

Does the crossword puzzles in the newspaper every week

Uses humor as a coping mechanism and it honestly just became a personality

Constantly popping his joints. I'm sorry if you find this gross I too find it gross.

Probably brought home every stray animal he ever met ever until he was at least like 22 y/o

Tags: @wasabito @kittaliapenn

#jjk #jjk spoilers #jjk headcanons #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #jjk gojo #jjk satoru #gojo headcanons #gojo satoru headcanons

[petri808]

Nalu Yakuza Au *cover art by @jmoart214 💜

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |

The tit for tat game was well known to both of their top confidants and lieutenants because it had been going on ever since Natsu and Lucy broke up. Plus, it was hard to get around such knowledge considering most of them came from the same neighborhoods. These intrigues ebbed and flowed like waves. Months could pass by without any interactions between the two, at other times they’d go back and forth continuously until one of them finally gave up, and on the odd occasion ended in a huge fight that led to another round of ignoring each other. Up until now, it had been kind of amusing to watch them torture each other because it was better than a drama shows on television. But that didn’t mean Natsu, and Lucy’s friends didn’t worry about one or both being truly hurt one day because of it.

“It’s fine,” Natsu rolled his eyes as Gray chastised him after the soapland incident. The two men were at Natsu’s home after work hours and supposed to be relaxing. But clearly his friend didn’t want to drop the subject. “What’s the big deal?”

“Dude, you let yourself be blindfolded in a public space! Have you forgotten what kind of business we’re in? What if it had been an assassin instead?”

“Oh, that’s just ridiculous. We’re talking about Lucy’s company, and I trust their security measures because she has just as much to lose if a hit took place there.”

“Still, you should be more careful, at least take a bodyguard with you…”

Natsu’s eyebrow twitched in irritation. “And what, so they can watch the show? We got any voyeurs on the payroll? Cause I can’t think of anyone here who’d wanna see another guy getting his balls fondled!”

Gray ran a hand down his face. “So not the mental image I wanted. You’re missing the point.” He sighed. “Natsu you are the head of this clan, and your safety is my top priority.”

“I get it, I get it,” Natsu drawled.

“And frankly,” Gray continued, “you’ve become distracted by her lately.”

“Tch! No, I haven’t!”

“Yeah, you are. You think I haven’t noticed? I know you drive by her place sometimes. I know you’ve followed her to that coffee shop she likes to frequent. But ever since her employee was robbed, things have escalated again.”

“You’re imagining things and apparently spying on me. I’m just keeping an eye on the competition.”

“Watching over you is my job! That’s not spying.” Gray crossed his arms. “And oh, it’s no doubt that you’re keeping an eye on her. That’s why you went to Katsunuma’s party and to soapland too. The problem is you’re getting sloppy and sloppy gets people killed.”

Natsu groaned. “Are you done yet? We’re supposed to be enjoying the baseball game, not psychoanalyzing my life.”

“Almost.” Gray placed a hand on his friends’ knee and leaned in. “Natsu, you’ve been chasing that tail since high school, just lock her down and convince her to work together already.”

Natsu snorted a laugh. “Gray we all grew up together, so what in all these years makes you think that’s a possibility? You know damn well Lucy’s not a woman you can control without her consent.” Natsu knew that, and frankly he loved that part of her. In fact, it made him even more fired up whenever he thought about it, just like a treasure you don’t just find but must win at the end of a game. “I’ll find a way, some day.”

“Well until that day arrives, could you promise me you’ll be more cautious?”

“Fine, fine,” Natsu waved his hand. “I’ll back off of Lucy for now.”

“Good.” Gray relaxed back onto his recliner thinking the drama was over.

“However, there is a new guy I want surveillance placed on.”

“Who?”

“The bartender from the party.”

Gray groaned. “Seriously? Why? He’s just a bartender!”

“I don’t trust him.”

“Was he spiking the drinks or something? Dealing drugs at the party?”

“Maybe.”

Gray huffed. “You really gonna try that? Do I look like an idiot? This is just straight jealousy talking.”

“I don’t care! I want someone to dig up what they can on the guy!”

“No, what you wanna know is if he fucked Lucy that night!”

Natsu jumped up with his fists clenched. “Fuck you!”

“Fuck you too!” Gray stood up and matched his boss’s energy. “Unless you give me a damn good reason to check into him, I’m not wasting my guy’s time! You might be the boss, but don’t you fucking forget who you’re talking to! I’m not some punk off the streets!”

Realizing he was taking things too far, Natsu sat back down. “Sorry.”

Gray sighed and plopped back down too. “I only joined because you asked me to and you’re my best friend, then I helped you build this new empire, so I’m just as invested in protecting it as you are. But Natsu, personal emotions have led to the downfall of many in this business, and as a friend, I’ll check you any time I think you’re going to far.”

“You’re right…” Natsu sighed too. “She just gets me so worked up.”

“Don’t I know it,” Gray laughed, but stopped when Natsu glared at him. “Sorry, it slipped out.”

“But I swear, there’s something suspicious about him. When he saw me, I thought he just reacted because he thought I was Lucy’s boyfriend or something, but the more I think about it, he might have recognized me.”

“Well, that wouldn’t necessarily be suspicious either.”

“True. But the look in his eyes just made me wonder.”

“Alright…” Gray groaned, “if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll have someone do some digging. So, you said he has orange hair and glasses, and the name on his tag was Loke?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s an unusual name, shouldn’t be too hard to check on.”

Over the course of a couple of weeks, Gray sent out feelers for any information on this Loke guy. Katsunuma junior gave them their first small lead that the bartender had worked the party through a local food catering company. That catering company was a legitimate business who had both full-time staff as well as independent contractors brought in per event as needed. Loke had been one of the latter. From there Gray obtained a last name, de Lioncourt.

According to his sources at the local precinct, Loke de Lioncourt had no rap sheet, no prior dealings with police, and for all they knew was an average citizen. The man’s Line blog profile listed him as a 28-year-old, Japanese/French American, model and bartender, and it was filled with pictures from events, parties, as well as many gorgeous women— none of which contained Lucy. But as Gray trolled through the man’s feed, he did come across one person he recognized and passed the information along to Natsu.

“Wow, she’s in a bunch of photos,” Natsu mumbled as he scrolled through the blog.

“Well, considering Cana’s reputation are you surprised. Parties and alcohol are the two things that woman lives for.” Gray laughed. “Now see, this makes sense to me. Lucy and him, not so much.”

“Tch… still pisses me off he even tried.”

“Lucy’s a free woman, she can go out with whoever she wants to.”

“We’ll see about that,” Natsu mumbled low.

“What was that?” Gray asked with a raised brow.

“Nothing.”

“Better be nothing, cause this is a dead end. He’s just a flirty bartender. It’s how they make tips.”

“Yeah, yeah, fine.” Natsu sat back in his chair. “So, back to business. What this I heard about some missing stock?”

“Oh, right. One of the warehouse clerks noticed a shortage, but when I checked with Yura, he said the books were fine. I had him show it to me, and it appears the numbers were just inverted by accident. So, instead of 185 kilos, it’s supposed to be 158 kilos.”

“Did you talk to the clerk again? Does he have any history of messing up like this?”

“Nah, he’s one of our better clerks.”

“Just keep an eye on it.”

“Sure thing, boss. By the way, have you seen Gajeel today?” Gray questioned. “I haven’t seen him.”

“He called me this morning said he wasn’t feeling well, thinks he ate something bad for dinner last night.”

“Tch, seriously? Thought he had an iron stomach?”

Natsu shrugged. “Must’a been some bad sushi or something. We ain’t got much happening today, so it’s fine. Anything else? I got some stuff I need to finish.”

Gray tapped his chin. “Just a reminder you have an appointment with our tech guy dropping by later this week to go over some upgrades on the system.”

“Like I’m supposed to know anything about that stuff, it’s what I pay him for.”

“You still gotta approve it,” Gray shrugged and took his leave.

Once the man was completely out of the office, Natsu opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a nondescript box he’d hidden inside. He grinned to himself. It was time to make another special delivery. Even though he’d told Gray he was backing off the whole Lucy and Loke subject, there was no way he was gonna let it slide. Natsu didn’t care if the man seemed legit, and he wasn’t the first nor would probably be the last that he’d eventually scared away. And besides, being a Yakuza boss had a lot of down times too, easily filled with having a little fun.

Today’s little care package was being sent to Lucy by a courier service and Natsu just had to drop it off to the delivery company. Just a normal company like Kuroneko Yamato so it wouldn’t rouse too many suspicions. It was turning into a fun game for him just coming up with ideas of what he could do to rile Lucy up or irritate this Loke guy. Natsu chuckled to himself. So far, his favorite prank was a box of small sized condoms and a bottle of enhancement pills that he’d had delivered to Loke while on the job at another party. He’d even snuck in to watch it delivered, gaining a good laugh when the man took a peek in the box and frowned at its contents.

It was childish, but Natsu didn’t care. Every day for two weeks now, something new was sent to Loke. Random gifts like children’s candy to a toy gun, a big bottle of lubricant wrapped in a bow, a week’s worth of meals sent for lunch one day, even an empty box with rocks inside it just to drive the man crazy wondering who in the world was sending them. Lucy too wasn’t immune to his pranks, though hers had a different feel to them. Flowers with no note attached. Tickets to a canceled show he made up. A supposed dinner invite from Loke that wasn’t real— okay that was to test her, but she didn’t fall for it. And today’s little care package fit right into his prank scheme.

Natsu dropped off the package at a Kuroneko Yamato office with the address instructions already filled out and paid the company’s employee extra to keep their mouths shut. ‘She’s gonna kill me one day,’ he laughed to himself as he rode back to his office. ‘If it’s suffocation by her boobs it wouldn’t be a bad way to go!’

“Anymore stops sir?” The driver asked Natsu.

“Nope. Back to the office.”

He looked at his watch. The package should be arriving at Lucy’s office within the hour. Give or take another to open it, and by 4pm he would be receiving another phone call. Maybe he won’t answer it. Oh, that would piss her off even more! ‘Well, if she’d just take the hint...’

The afternoon was supposed to be mellow at headquarters that day. No shipments, and no appointments. But when Natsu got back, another general in the organization named Jellal Fernandez came to his office to inform him of a problem. One of the new local restaurants in their territory was refusing to cooperate and he wanted to know how Natsu wanted it handled. They were right in the middle of discussing it, when Natsu’s office door flew open with a loud bang!

In stomped Lucy who immediately threw a box at his head, causing Natsu to duck and Jellal to pull his gun.

“Don’t!” Natsu screamed at his general and motioned for him to stand down, to which the man complied. “Do you have a death wish Lucy!”

“Get. Out.” She snapped at the general. “Get out! This is between me and your boss!”

Jellal looked to Natsu, who nodded his head to scram. “I got this, don’t worry.” The man holstered his gun and left, but Natsu could see he’d stayed right outside of the now closed door.

“I take it you didn’t like the gift,” Natsu pretended to stay calm.

“Gee, me throwing it at you give you that impression? I know it’s you sending all these damn deliveries to me and Loke. That needs to stop now!”

He crossed his arms and scoffed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Play dumb all you want. Just stop! Why are you even doing this?!”

“Take a guess,” he sneered back.

“I could’ve sworn we were adults now, but apparently I’m the only one who grew up. Stay out of my love life Natsu!”

“So, you admit you’re sleeping with the guy!”

“That’s none of your damn business! I can fuck whoever I want!”

“Not as long as I’m alive,” Natsu growled back.

Lucy crossed her arms. “That could be arranged.”

“Is that a threat?!”

“Yes! If you don’t stay out of my love life!”

“A woman shouldn’t be sleepi—”

“Don’t you finish that sentence!” Lucy grabbed a stapler that was within reach and chucked it at Natsu’s head. “Stop trying to control me!”

“Are you crazy?!”

At that moment, Gray barged into the room. He’d heard the screaming from the other side of the office, and when he got close enough to see Jellal standing outside the door, he became alarmed. Why would a general leave Natsu vulnerable! The man told him their boss told him to leave, but as the sounds inside escalated, Gray couldn’t wait anymore.

“Stop it!!” Gray got between them. “What are you two doing! Lucy you shouldn’t be here!”

“Then tell your damn boss to leave me the fuck alone!” Lucy spat back. “Ask him how he’s been harassing Loke and me!”

Gray turned to his boss with a groan. “Natsu, we talked about this!”

“Tell Gray what you been doing!” Lucy pressed. “Show him the stupid packages you send!”

“What packages?” Gray looked to Lucy, then repeated the question as he stared at his boss. “What packages?”

“Tch,” Natsu crossed his arms, “it’s not even that bad.”

Lucy stomped over to where the box fell and picked it up, pulling the contents out. “Bullshit!” She snapped as she held up a very racy, red nightie with flame prints, a pair of fluffy handcuffs, and a large dildo. “See this shit?!” Lucy shook the floppy latex toy at Gray before chucking it to the ground again. “He includes messages too,” then handed the man a folded piece of paper.

Gray read it aloud, “to make up for what playboy lacks. Had it custom made to my size wink wink. Ugh, seriously man,” he tossed the letter.

Natsu shrugged. “I was just having fun.”

“This is the yakuza, not a daycare!” Gray snaps. “I’m not here to babysit the boss so he stops harassing the competition! There’s more important business to worry about!”

“That’s right listen to Gray,” Lucy sneered.

Gray turned to her. “Oh, you ain’t innocent either, so don’t even try it. You both do things to purposely rile the other up and get mad when there’s consequences. Stop it!” He looked back and forth between the two. “Just stop it already!”

Natsu and Lucy looked away from the man with scowls on their faces. Neither wanted to admit he was right.

“Jellal,” Gray called out. When the man entered, he instructed him to escort Lucy out of there. “Next time, just call me instead. It’s best you two just stay away from each other. Got it?!”

“Yeah,” Lucy grumped.

“Got it?!” Gray questioned his boss.

“Yeah,” Natsu mumbled.

“Fucking like high school,” Gray ran a hand down his face in irritation. “You two need therapy.”

#nalu #nalu au #nalu fan fic #nalu fan fiction #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #ch 6 #we'll take back heaven #petri808

[stiltonbasket]

If you’re still accepting prompts, I’m curious how much chaos qin su!wwx was able to subtly cause at jinlintai without being caught? bc i don’t think he could go that many months without doing Something to Someone lol

(brief author’s note: this au is entirely prompt-based, so please reblog if you can for future updates!)

Three months into his stay at the Jinlintai, Wei Wuxian discovers that he dislikes Su She even more than he dislikes his husband.

It’s not even that he falls all over himself doing Jin Guangyao’s bidding, because he doesn’t, he reflects, observing the two in conference at one of the Jin sect’s private banquets. Su She’s really loyal to him, and that’s even worse.

Before her death, Qin Su was almost certain that Su She had taken part in Jin Rusong’s murder, simply because Jin Guangyao could never have done the killing alone. She maintained that Jin Guangyao would not have been able to go to the guest kitchens, poison the plate intended for him, and visit He Su’s private quarters with time to spare; and Wei Wuxian agrees with her, if only because plotting the murder of a young sect heir in public would require a like-minded accomplice.

“Poor A-Song,” Wei Wuxian sighs, laying down his embroidery as his two handmaidens hurry to his elbow to comfort him with tea and snacks. “Yongpei, what will I do?”

“Nothing will bring our A-Song back,” the elder maidservant says, with tears already welling in her eyes at the mention of her mistress’s son. “But Mistress, just because it hasn’t worked in these last years, you mustn’t give up persuading the master to give you another baby! Mistress hasn’t said anything about it this last year, and A-Tai and I feared you’d lost hope--but Mistress, you are so pretty, and you love your husband so dearly, so how long can he resist favoring you even if he can’t bear the thought of losing a second child? Mistress gave Sect Leader a wonderful baby boy, it wasn’t any fault of yours that our xiao-gongzi passed away--and surely the same horrible tragedy can’t happen twice! You can’t give in, no matter what the master says about it.”

“A-Pei,” Wei Wuxian says gently, “this mistress is grateful for your faith, but in the end, I am A-Yao’s wife, and in matters such as these, I must respect his wishes. What kind of shameless woman would I be if I forced my husband to my bed, when I know he wants nothing less than to have another child with me?”

“A woman should have a child!” Shao Tai cries. “Mistress, it’s not the same at all! When Sect Leader first stopped favoring you, you never said a word, and it was all right before we lost A-Song--Mistress only wanted to be a good mother to her baby, and obey Sect Leader faithfully in all things! But now, even though it’s been more than ten years since xiao-gongzi died, he still...”

“Do you really think it’s unkind of him?” Wei Wuxian murmurs, glancing down at his half-embroidered handkerchiefs and pretending to blink back a few tears of his own. “He says he’s afraid for my health, but...”

“Yes, he is being unkind! Mistress shouldn’t be afraid to ask for what she wants!”

Wei Wuxian chews on his lip for a moment. “Do A-Pei and A-Tai really think I should go ahead with this?”

The two women both nod forcefully, setting the tea and cakes down on the desk so that they can kneel by his feet. “You have served Sect Leader without a word of complaint all this time, so why shouldn’t he grant you this one wish?” Yongpei says. “Mistress, if you leave it to us, we will see to all the preparations!”

A-Tai gives a timid cough. “But jiejie, if Mistress acts too suddenly, won’t he be suspicious?”

“Well, what else is she supposed to do?”

“No more of that,” Wei Wuxian scolds, barely keeping his lips from twitching as he finally thinks of another way to approach his plans to escape the Jinlintai by seducing Jin Guangyao. “Yongpei, A-Tai, you know this mistress of yours is a skilled cook?”

For once, Wei Wuxian isn’t actually pretending; he is a good cook, having learned the art at Jiang Yanli’s knee, even if he ruins all his dishes at the last moment by pouring chili oil into them. “Yes,” A-Tai replies, clearly confused. “Do you want to cook for your husband, my lady?”

“Not for my husband,” he smiles, brightening up like a summer sun cresting the horizon at daybreak as he looks at his fine-featured reflection in the mirror. “I’ve cooked for us often, so doing it again won’t mean anything much. But he has a dinner with Su-zongzhu and Zhang-zongzhu scheduled for the end of next week, so I’ll tell him I mean to cook all the dishes myself.”

“But, Mistress...!”

“Nonsense. I’ve made up my mind, and that’s what I’m going to do,” Wei Wuxian says briskly, putting away his embroidery needles. “And you two ought to get to bed, you know. It’s nearly eleven o’clock!”

It goes without saying that Wei Wuxian has no interest whatsoever in cooking for any of Jin Guangyao’s associates.

However, he does have access to a small store of hot Yunmeng spices laid aside for Jin Guangyao’s personal use, and he knows well enough that Jin Guangyao likes them--and that Su She, whose clan is native to Lan Zhan’s Suzhou, will not be able to tolerate so much as a speck of it.

(The plan goes off without a hitch, and Su She’s mouth and stomach fare so badly after eating a dish Wei Wuxian swore was meant for his husband that he has to take three rest days in the guest house to recover.)

__

“No way!” Jin Zixuan crows delightedly, as Wei Wuxian finishes narrating Su She’s unfortunate encounter with the mighty trifecta of Sichuan peppercorns, horseradish, and the spiciest chillies that Lanling gold could buy. “I wish I’d been there to see it. Who knew you could be so sneaky, Wei Wuxian?”

“It had a greater purpose,” Wei Wuxian shrugs. “I didn’t just do it for fun. I had to keep making overtures to Jin Guangyao so that he wouldn’t have any choice but to send me away when I finally tried to seduce him.”

On the other side of the campfire, Lan Zhan goes still. “Seduce?”

“Yes, of course. How else did you think that Jin-furen, wife to a zongzhu and xiandu all at once, could ever manage to get away from the Jinlintai without her husband noticing? He tried for months to placate me when I cooked him dinner and dressed in the colors he liked and proposed building a temple in Meng-furen and A-Song’s names, and then I finally had my handmaidens prepare me to receive him in my chambers and gave him the fright of his life. Smart, don’t you think?”

Lan Zhan’s face pales. “You ought not to have taken such measures,” he says hoarsely. “What if something had happened to you?”

“I’m his wife,” Wei Wuxian replies, bemused. “What could possibly have happened to me? Everyone thinks Qin Su must be barren, so no one would even try bumping me off to make sure Jin Guangyao could never have another heir. And he does care about her, you know.”

In answer, Lan Zhan only lets out a small scoff and turns his back to the fire, facing out into the night while Wei Wuxian and Jin Zixuan exchange puzzled glances over his head. “Rest, both of you,” he says quietly. “We will have to ride on towards Yunmeng in the morning, just in case that courtesan Mo-gongzi mentioned in his letter might be there.”

And then, as the three of them have done for the last month’s worth of nights they spent traveling together, Lan Zhan drifts off to sleep first, and Jin Zixuan and Wei Wuxian follow into a mist of uneasy dreams.

#wangxian #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #jin zixuan #qin su!wwx #my fic

[starlingflight]

@thisismegz as requested, the missing scenes from Everything I Wanted of Ginny dealing with her guilt over how things went between her and Dean. 

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The sun felt especially bright contrasted as it was by nearly a full day in the dungeons with no one but Snape for company. Harry savoured the way the light summer breeze tickled his uncovered arms and the way Ginny’s hand felt in his as they made their way out into the grounds. 

It seemed the majority of Hogwarts’ population had decided to take advantage of the good weather, for the lawn beside the lake was crowded with huddles of students. Their usual tree was already taken by a noisy group of fourth-year girls and so Ginny led him to a free patch of grass not far from the lake's stony shore. She sat cross-legged on the ground, pulling Harry with her. 

He went to position himself beside her but Ginny clearly had other ideas, she shuffled slightly, placing her hands on his shoulders and smoothly guided Harry’s head into her lap so that he was lying on the soft grass with Ginny above him, her fingers tracing lightly across his forehead. 

“If your brother sees this he’s going to lose his mind,” Harry warned, though in truth he was finding it difficult to care. The headache that had been building behind his eyes, caused by a long day in the dark, stuffy dungeon was receding with every stroke of Ginny’s fingers over his skin.

Unsurprisingly, Ginny seemed to care even less about Ron’s reaction than Harry did. Her only response to his warning was to gently slide his glasses off and place them carefully on the grass beside them, making it easier for her fingers to trace the features of his face without obstruction. 

Neither of them said anything for a while, Ginny was now little more than a blur of creamy skin and striking red hair above him. Eventually, Harry let his eyes slowly drift closed, revelling in the feel of her fingers on his face and the sweet, floral smell of her shampoo drifting to him on the summer breeze. 

Snape became nought but a distant memory under Ginny’s careful attention and Harry was vaguely considering that there was a strong chance he was going to fall asleep, warm and content as he was, when Ginny broke the silence between them. 

“I think I'm going to apologise to Dean," She declared. 

It took Harry a moment to register what she’d said, his brain felt fuzzy from the heat. When his wits finally caught up with him, Harry almost asked her why but he immediately realised he didn’t need to. 

He’d seen the guilt on Ginny’s face last night and he’d felt the same thing himself. They’d both admitted they’d been in denial about their feelings for each other for a while and maybe that was no one’s fault but it didn’t change the fact that Dean had been caught up in it. 

“If I tell you I think it’s a bad idea are you going to think it’s because I’m jealous or threatened or something?” 

Ginny's fingers were still stroking lightly across his cheeks, over the bridge of his nose, across his forehead and Harry found that it was almost impossible to feel jealous given his current situation. 

“No,” She said mildly. “I’m going to ask you why you think that, though.” 

He’d rather she didn’t but if Harry was being honest with himself, he knew her better than to expect Ginny to blindly accept what he was saying. “I’ve been in his position. I watched you with him for months, and I didn’t expect you to break up or begrudge either of you your happiness or anything but…” 

Harry trailed off, still not used to telling anyone his deepest feelings and still not entirely comfortable with it. 

"But?" Ginny prompted, one of her hands working its way up into Harry's hair, massaging his scalp. He felt himself relax immediately. 

"But there isn't anything you could have said to me to make me feel better about the situation, to make me not want you." 

Ginny's hands didn't stop their slow exploration of his hair for even a second. "It's not the same thing," She said without missing a beat. 

"How isn't it?" 

"It was never like this with Dean," Ginny unwound one of her hands from his hair in order to gesture between the two of them before quickly returning it, much to Harry's delight. "I was never this happy, not even at the start. The thing that you were waiting for is so much better than what Dean lost." 

Secretly, Harry wholeheartedly disagreed with this. The thing that he'd been waiting for, the thing that Dean lost, was Ginny and there were no words on the planet that could ease the devastating blow that Harry already knew would come from ever losing her. 

"You really want to talk to him?" Harry asked, knowing it was pointless to argue with her when she'd already made her mind up. 

“I really do,” Ginny responded and Harry knew the matter was settled. 

“Okay,” He agreed. “Did you want to go now?” He added reluctantly, he could quite happily stay in this spot for the rest of his life. 

“No,” Ginny said quickly, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss to Harry’s lips. “I’ve been waiting all day for you to get out of detention, you’re staying right where you are.” 

**

Ginny and Dean did not cross paths for the rest of the weekend. Nor was he anywhere to be seen at breakfast or lunch on Monday. Ginny was beginning to strongly suspect that he was avoiding her when she quite literally walked into him on her way out of Ancient Runes on Monday afternoon. 

“Sorry - oh!” Dean’s apologetic smile faltered as he took Ginny in. 

“I’ve been looking for you!” Ginny said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster, though Dean still didn’t look cheered at her pronouncement. 

“Er, have you?” 

“Yeah, do you mind if we go somewhere and talk?” 

Dean’s eyes narrowed suspiciously in a way that made Ginny’s heart sink. They’d been friends for years, they’d been close since the first D.A. meeting and now the two of them had reached a point where the prospect of holding a conversation was enough to set Dean on edge. 

“It’ll be really quick, I promise.” Ginny tried again, hoping her face held as much sincerity as she currently felt. 

“Alright,” Dean said reluctantly, gesturing for Ginny to lead the way. 

There was a low wooden bench halfway down the corridor, under a row of mullioned windows which revealed the sweeping vistas of the Hogwarts grounds and the lake. If nothing else, at least the view would be pleasant. 

Ginny took a seat on the bench and Dean followed her lead; she couldn’t help but note he was sitting as far away from her as physically possible. One good shove and he’d topple over onto the castle’s stone floor. 

“How have you been?” She began cautiously. 

“Fine,” Dean responded. Ginny raised a sceptical eyebrow. Dean had always been forthcoming with his feelings, one-word answers weren’t his style at all. “I’ve been good, Ginny. I’ve been working on my art - I’ve had a lot of emotion to channel into my drawings, I think I’ve got some really good ones for my portfolio.” 

Ginny nodded, trying not to think too hard about what emotions Dean may have been using to fuel his creative pursuits. “You were always very talented.” 

It was Dean’s turn to raise a dubious eyebrow at Ginny now. “Is that what you wanted to say to me? You like my drawings?”

“No, I wanted to apologise,” She said slowly, half-expecting Dean to shut her down before she’d explained herself. When he said nothing, but continued to look at her expectantly Ginny took a deep breath before continuing. “I should have ended things between us long before I did. I knew your feelings were stronger than mine and I shouldn’t have kept stringing you along.” 

Dean listened patiently as Ginny spoke, but he began to shake his head in disagreement as she finished. “That wasn’t what bothered me. It was that I could clearly see where things were going between the two of you, but you were so adamant that I was seeing things that weren’t there. It was frustrating.” 

Ginny began to fiddle nervously with the ends of her hair, slipping the long strands between the ends of her fingers. “You’re right,” She said quietly, looking not at Dean but out of the window where she could just make out the Giant Squid’s tentacles rising out of the water in the distance. “I know it probably doesn’t help, but I hope you know I wasn’t lying to you on purpose - I really believed our banter and joking was innocent, it was unbelievable to me that Harry might actually have liked me.” 

Dean made a noise halfway between a snort and a chuckle; Ginny looked back from the window to find that he was smiling at her. “Of course he liked you, have you seen you?” 

“Stop it!” Ginny exclaimed, reaching out and shoving Dean lightly enough that he didn’t fall off the bench as she’d been worried he might earlier. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” 

“You stop it!” Dean argued through a laugh. “Serious conversations don’t suit you at all!” 

Ginny grinned, it had been so long since they’d joked with one another. Even in the weeks before they’d broken up all they’d done was argue. “Does that mean we can be friends?” 

“Honestly, I think friends will suit us better than a relationship ever did,” Dean said sincerely. “No offence, but I didn’t find the constant fighting particularly enjoyable and I don’t think you did either.” 

Ginny chose not to answer, there was no point in going over their old fights now. When she looked back on her time with Dean it was as though she was remembering something from a different lifetime. Instead, she pushed herself up from the bench and waited for Dean to join her. “Come on, let’s go and set the Hogwarts rumour mill alight by walking into dinner together.” 

Dean fell into step beside Ginny without protest, the cautious, guarded look that had been upon his face at the beginning of the conversation was no longer in sight. 

#hinny #harry x ginny #dean thomas #hp fanfic #hbp missing moment

[anissanightyoung]

Paint my world | Minghao

[SUMMARY] At the age of eighteen, you received your soulmate mark, which reduced your vision to black and white. It seems as if fate is playing tricks on you when you receive a vibrant bouquet.

Soulmate au

1,450 words

You walked into your favorite café and sat at the corner table when the waiter asked, "Same as always ma'am?" You politely nodded and replied, "Same as always, Mingyu." And I thought I told you to avoid addressing me as ma'am because we're the same age.” That comment made him laugh, and he reminded you that this is his workplace, and his boss is inside. You loved this table by the corner because it gives you some sort of privacy where you can see and hear other people. At the same time, it gives them the impression that you’re not to be disturbed. You have always been independent and you are proud of that.

Your mother, on the other hand, doesn't approve. "You're already 24 years old and you still haven't met your soulmate." You would have been fine with that, but your family is putting more pressure on you as each cousin and friend marries or meets their soulmate. The problem is that you don't understand why they're putting so much pressure on you. "It's not like I'm avoiding him," you explain to your mother, "it's just fate." The way you see it, this is just not the time to meet him.

You wish your family could comprehend what you're going through. It's been six years since you lost the ability to see colors and could only see black and white. It's difficult for you to see someone else enjoying the world's colors and marveling at its wonders with their soulmate.

You went to work after finishing your meal at the café. You have a 9-to-5 career that you don't like, but the pay keeps you afloat, so you stick it out. Since you don't see colors anywhere in the building, you know your soulmate isn't one of your coworkers. You had hoped he worked there, but you knew fate wouldn't let you find your soulmate that easily.

“Good morning Y/n,” your co-worker, Seokmin, greeted you with a flower in front of you.

“Oh. Hey Minnie, what’s up?” Seokmin urged you to take the flowers from him. “What’s this for?”

“To brighten up your day.” and smiled at you.

“Thank you, Minnie. They’re wonderful, the colors complement each other.”

You were about to start work when you realized what you said. “..the colors complement each other?” So you immediately get the flowers and look at them, staring in disbelief at how the flowers have colors - white daisies with yellow-green pollens, surrounded by tiny yellow roses, with green scrunched leaves in between, wrapped in brown paper, with a yellow ribbon linking it all together. You were afraid your heart would fly out of your rib cage because it was pounding too fast and too hard. This can only mean one thing.

You’re close to meeting your soulmate.

--

On the other hand, Minghao is an art student, particularly skilled at painting when he lost his sight of colors. Did he get upset? Of course, he did. Minghao was very passionate about painting. He loved how intricate coloring can be. He knows he won't be satisfied with the color mixes until he sees it himself, which is why he dropped out of university for the meantime. Provided that the majority of people with color blindness as a soulmate mark were always artists, the administration was understanding of the situation.

His aunt is particularly fond of him, so she offered him a job at her flower store to keep Minghao occupied. Minghao initially hated the idea, as flower arrangements are often based on color palettes. His aunt, however, insisted that he only receive the same sort of flowers in complementary colors. Minghao agreed with this.

Did he hate you? No, of course not. He can't hate someone who is going through the same things he is, and the problem isn't your fault in the first place. It's something about which neither of you has any control over.

He had just finished delivering a bouquet that someone had requested three days prior and was about to deliver another when he decided to stop by a café where his friend, Mingyu, works. It's his first time there, and Mingyu has been pleading with him to come for months because he knows Minghao will adore the setup. He met Mingyu at university, and the two of them shared a passion for photography. He's one of Minghao's friends who respects his privacy about his soulmate mark, and he likes him for it.

“Where are you going to deliver those? They’re very pretty.”

Minghao replied, “down by the corner, that’s why I came here first. Can I order now and get it on my way home?” He has been craving that mushroom pasta that Mingyu cooked for him one night. So, he ordered that and asked Mingyu to add a drink that goes best with the pasta. He took a look around the cafe after he placed his order. When he saw a colored table, he couldn't believe his eyes.

“Hey, everything fine? You look pale,” giving him a worried look. 

“I-I’m fine, I’ll come back for my order okay?” On his way out he kept thinking, if that table has a color, that means you would’ve frequented that table to fill it. This means he'll just have to return to the café at various times in the hopes of bumping into you.

--

Minghao stuck to his original idea of visiting the café every day at various times to see if there were any new colors. So far, it seems that you haven't returned; the café is only black and white, with a single colored table. So he went during Mingyu's shift one day with a different goal in mind: to touch as many things as he could.

“Hey, how long have you been waiting?” He'd request Mingyu's schedule and inform him that he'd be waiting outside.

Minghao responded, “No, I just got here,” eager to enter the café and touch anything he could. It might sound strange, but it's the only way he'll be able to find his soulmate.

“So listen,” Mingyu says, interrupting Minghao's thoughts, “I know you work at your aunt's flower store, but my boss has been seeing you coming here for the past two weeks. He was considering-"

“-God I’m sorry Mingyu. Were you scolded because of that-“

“No! He was considering giving you a place here. They said you've been here a lot in the last few weeks  and figured that you have a lot of free time.” 

Minghao got embarrassed at that thought. It is true, though. He was eagerly waiting for you to return, awaiting the moment when he would finally meet you. "Uh, what job though?”

“Cashier, so they can transfer me to the kitchen full time.”

Minghao didn’t have to think twice. He needs this job to meet you. “Okay then. When can I begin?”

--

You didn't have time to return to the cafe for some reason. And after a few weeks, you're the most free you've ever been. As a result, you were happily trotting down the street on your way to the cafe. Once you were in front of it, you were astounded with the colored handprints on the window wall that read "here". “God, he's here,” you think as your heart races. With so many emotions running through your mind, you tried to breathe calmly. As you enter the cafe, the colors gradually appear before your eyes, until you notice that only a small portion of it is black and white.

Minghao experienced the same thing. He was having lunch in the kitchen with Mingyu when the colors appeared out of nowhere, glistening on his peripherals. “Mingyu, she's here.”

“W-what?! What are you doing! Get up and go!” Mingyu pushed him out of his seat, his face confused by the vibrant colors.

Both of you were looking down at your own feet as you followed the still black and white path. When you saw another pair that wasn't yours, you slowly looked up, stunned by the emotions and colors that were bombarding you, as well as the outline of the man in front of you. You see him, but due to the colors, your vision is still hazy. You were both squeezing your eyes, trying to figure out who was in front of you.

You were able to see this wonderful person in front of you when the surroundings went clear.

“Hey, I’m Y/n.” you were going for a handshake, to not make it awkward, when he pulled you to him and hugged you. “Minghao.” He takes a deep breath and exhales contentedly, “Finally. Thank you for bringing color back into my life.”

--

Ackkk finally. This was long overdue Im sorry. 🥺 I was overthinking every scene and I changed this plot around three (?) times. Hope you like it. 💖

#seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seventeen x reader #seventeen x y/n #seventeen x you #svt x reader #svt x you #seventeen imagines #svt #svt the8 #svt minghao #svt myungho #xu minghao #seo myungho #the8 imagines #minghao imagines #seventeen myungho #the8 x reader #minghao x you #minghao x reader

[onlythebrave-mp3]

my top 2020 fics!

okay! so i recently jumped back into this fandom after a couple of years, and started reading fic again, and i wanted to rec some of my favorites that were written this year. there’s ten on this list, and i probably could’ve done like 30 but this is already so long lol. it’s kind of in a general order, so #1 is my fav for this year, but i tried not to focus on the ranking too much because it stresses me out and i don’t need any more anxiety so it’s ended up being a pretty vague system.

1.  Our Lives, Non-Fiction (113k) by @indiaalphawhiskey 

listen. I’ve reblogged this fic like 10 times. I’ve read it twice already and it came out less than 3 weeks ago. It is an instant classic, right up there with fics like TIF or Wear it like a Crown. It has gorgeous, gorgeous writing, a thoroughly developed plot and well written character development, and such a compelling story. It is a marcel/louis fic, and I usually shy away from that kind of thing, but i’m so glad i didn’t this time because god, this one is so good. Seriously, if anyone ends up reading it, come and rant to me about it and we can cry together. Halfway through the second chapter, I created a note on my phone so I could keep track of everything I loved, and my comment on that fic is essentially a love letter to @indiaalphawhiskey. It's just so good. If you’re going to read one fic off this list, read this one. 

2. Loving You's a Bloodsport (106k) by @rosesau

okay i’m pretty sure this one made me cry like four times, which is a feat for me because i’m not usually a crier. Its soulmates with a little bit of a twist, and the plot is so well developed. Harry and louis’ feelings and their progression are written so vividly and i wish i could forget that i read it so i could go and read it again for the first time. It's also got some enemies to lovers, which is my favorite trope, and all of the side characters are beautifully developed as well. Prince!Harry, soldier!Louis, angsty soulmates. What more could you want? Oh and if you’re not convinced enough, here is a quote that fucking follows me around because its so beautiful: “Love and hate are two sharp knives balanced on a very fine line and I’ve cut myself on both because of you.” (ohmygod)

3. Mine Would Be You (114k) by @crinkle-eyed-boo

okay this one is listed at number three but it really should be 1c lol. I started this one at 11 pm like an idiot, and i don’t think i slept that night at all. It's Exes to lovers, and it's so well written. It switches between the past and the present, it's  heartbreakingly beautiful, the breakup and resolution are both so realistically written as well, and there's a great ot5 plotline too that i really loved. This one was also an instant classic- i bookmarked it before i even finished reading it. It's also got beautiful art and Louis and Harry are both artists in NYC, which I'm a slut for. Please read this one, it's so good.

okay i just realized how long this got so i’m putting the rest under the cut

4. The Murmur of Yearning (93k) by @mediawhorefics (for some reason tumblr isn’t letting me tag them??) | mediawhore on ao3 

I just finished this one, and my goddddddd it's so good. I read it in a day, and it's essentially 100k. Which isn’t that unusual for me except I did skip a class to get through it (an exam prep class. Not my finest moment but I passed. so.) There are tons of original characters that draw you in, and the whole world that is created is so fascinating and detailed. There's also no homophobia, so if you like historical fics but get triggered by that kind of thing, this is for you! Also, if you’re worried about the non-con elements, I'm sure you could message the author but also feel free to check in with me! I’ll definitely be rereading it in the near future and am totally up for discussing and crying over this fic with anyone.

5. Remember Me Fondly by @bluejeanlouis | kiddle on ao3 

ahhhhhhh this one made me sob too! It's set in both the present and the past, and I fell in love with all of the characters. This one is also heartbreaking, but I promise there’s a happy ending. Also, they way this fic deals with the fame and the homophobia and tours that harry and louis went through -even if it isn’t actually canon and is set in the 90s- is so vividly painful and realistic. It's written half through a journalist’s eyes and half through harry and louis, yet the switch in pov is so seamless and fluid and adds so much to the piece. 11/10.

6. Nothing But You On My Mind (83k) by @absoloutenonsense | nonsensedarling on ao3

okay. I started this in the middle of the night, and told myself I'd read one chapter to see if I liked it and then I would go to sleep. I'm pretty sure I read like 6. It sucks you in right from the beginning, and there's such a well developed plot. And it's so unpredictable and all of the details are so nuanced and tiny and then you look back at everything after you’ve finished it and go oh. Ohhhhhh. This one is also enemies to lovers. Are we sensing a pattern here?

7. An Invincible Summer (44k) by @twopoppies | Brooklyn_Babylon on ao3 

so as you can see this one is only 45k but i just love it so much that i’m rec’ing in anyways. It’s such a gentle, exploratory piece of literal art, and I kind of want to stay in the world that was created forever. Its set in the 1940s on a farm and i know @twopoppies has said that it started off as an excuse for barn sex, but it such a vivid story and its heartbreaking and emotional and uplifting all at once and please please please go read this. The only critique I have of it is that it's only 40k.

8. Somewhere in Between Lightning (99k) by @nauticalleeds, @shiningdistraction, and jassy117 on ao3

So this one's exes-to-lovers as well, and it's written in such a realistic way. Also i’m in love with the concept of louis on love island, despite the fact that he said he hates it. There's a sauna scene that I still think about sometimes. It's got just the right amount of angst and fluff and pining and despite the fact that it's set on a show that is usually pretty dramatic and unrealistic, this is written in a really beautiful but pragmatic way. I love it. i’ve got it  downloaded on my phone so I can read little snippets of it sometimes if I have to wait somewhere.

9. You’ve Got My Devotion (Hate You Sometimes) (95k) by @harryrainbows | lucythegoosey on ao3 

god so this one incorporates some of Fine Line into it, and wouldn’t say it's a song fic so much as it is written as a canon compliant fic that ties harry’s songs into it and its done so fucking well oh my god. Harry and Louis are exes in this one too (lol i'm sorry) and the build up of them getting together and the pining and longing is written really well.

10. At Risk, I Fold (15k) by @bearmustard | clare328 on ao3 

so i know this one is only 15k, but I put this in the list anyways. It's canon compliant, and it does mention the stunts (as stunts), but don’t let that deter you. Harry and Louis are written almost exactly as i’ve imagined them, and this one is such a heartbreaking look into the resilience and love and bravery that they have. It made me cry despite the fact that it’s not really a glum fic. The only reason it is last on the list is because it's shorter and i was mostly intending this to be a long fic rec. The love that they have for each other really shines through in this one, and it’s super gentle and soft and sad and happy all at once and just please go read it.

#my fic rec #hoping this doesnt flop lol #if people like this i might do more #we'll see lmao #also #if you ask me who tops/bottoms #in any of these fics #you owe me $10 #reading fics specifically for who takes it up the arse is weird <3

[trashforhockeyguys]

Don’t Hold Me -16- Carter Hart

A/N: Alright...here we go. It’s beginning now. So, I’m sorry. Like very very sorry. But um...enjoy? As always all previous parts are linked in my masterlist.

You sat alone in your dorm room, trying to figure out what you were meant to do. Three days had passed since the break in. Carter was trying to give you space, he was trying his hardest not to smother you. He seemed to understand that you needed to process what was happening now. But he missed you, and you missed him. 

You weren’t sure how this was supposed to go. You didn’t know how you were supposed to keep him safe, but still keep him close. You loved him, but you loved him too much to let him stay. 

Not as you stared at the note that fell out of your textbook a few days prior. He sent one warning, he told you what was coming. He wanted to torment you, let you know he was there. He was everywhere, always watching, just waiting for the perfect time to strike. This was a game to him, a game he was going to keep playing with you until you didn’t have anything left. 

You felt like the walls were closing in on you. Like the whole city was closing in on you. But there was nowhere that you could go to get away from this. It would follow you everywhere...he would follow you everywhere. You had to figure out a way to keep him away from everyone you cared about. You had to keep them safe.

You pulled out the note that had fallen from your textbook just a few days before.

YOU CANT IGNORE ME FOREVER

He already knew how to get to Carter, he knew where Travis lived. He found you at school, and likely had a way into your dorm. There was no running from him this time, he had you cornered again. The only option you had was to play along with his game, whatever it would be. 

You jumped when your alarm went off, reminding you of the class you had in fifteen minutes. Kora was already gone. You’d have to walk by yourself. What if he was waiting for you? You wouldn’t put it past him. In truth, you were terrified, more so than you had been since he showed up here in Philly. Because now you knew he really meant it, he was going to do everything he could to burn your life to the ground. 

You had three unread texts from Carter, a missed call from Travis, and both from Ethan. They were all worried, and this time they had every right to be. This was real now, there was no more denying that he was here and he wanted to wreck it all.

Taking a deep breath, you gathered all of your books and shoved them into your bag. You had an art presentation at the end of the week, and all of your pieces no longer seemed as bright and clear as they once were. Shadows covered all of them, looks of worry seemed to make their way into the eyes of those you drew. 

You tried to keep your head down as you made your way into the correct building. You tried to avoid everyone you could. Tried not to think about how he could be watching you right now, or watching Carter or Travis. He could have someone back home ready to mess with Ethan...he could be planning anything. 

Maybe this is what he wanted, he wanted to drive you insane before he struck. Maybe he was just waiting until you were at your weakest again so it would be easier to finally finish whatever plan he had. 

“Y/N! Hey, I’ve been looking all over campus for you!” Kora exclaimed as she ran into the small lounge in the student center. 

Your head snapped up from your sketchbook, hours passed since your last class. You were trying to get out some of the feelings that were trapped in your body. Drawing seemed to be the easiest way for you to do that, even if all you could do was draw all of the people you loved scared or in pain. 

“Oh..yeah sorry. I um- I guess I lost track of time.”

“The guys were worried sick,” She plopped into the seat next to you, “Travis wanted to know if you’d feel better staying with him.”

“No...I need to stay here,” You replied slowly. 

He would do something if you went to Travis’ place. Somehow staying here in the dorm seemed like the safest option for everyone. He couldn’t get into the dorm or know which room you were in. This felt like the best option to keep everyone safe. 

“You’ve seen him again, haven’t you?” She questioned.

You nodded slowly, “He’s everywhere. Kora...stay away from any strange guys, okay?” 

“Y/N….”

“I’m fine. It’s going to be okay,” You forced a smile, “I should go, there’s a game tonight. I can’t miss it.”

“Are you sure you should go?”

You weren’t sure at all. In fact you were pretty sure that you shouldn’t go at all. But Carter and Travis were expecting you to be there. You were at every home game. You couldn’t start missing them now because they’d know something was really wrong. 

“I’ll be fine. Promise.”

Even if you didn’t believe it yourself, you had to make everyone else think that you did. You wanted them all to believe you were fine, so that they wouldn’t worry about you. You couldn’t handle them all thinking you were one step away from breaking down again. That was really the last thing you wanted.

The boys finally stopped looking at you like you’d fall apart at any moment, you didn’t want to go back to that, you couldn’t. Not after you had to go through so much to make sure they didn’t see you as that girl anymore. But, even now you could feel yourself starting to slip back into it all. Back into the fear.

You quickly changed when you got back to your dorm, your fingers ghosted over all of the jerseys and shirseys you had. Some of the shirseys dated back to long before you met Travis, and a lot of them had been handed down to you by Ethan. They were all so worn in and soft. You pulled out the oldest one you had, which was nearly worn out. There were holes along the collar and sleeves, and it was three sizes too big for you, but it never failed to make you feel safe. Ethan gave it to you when you left for school, just for that purpose. You quickly pulled it on before slipping Carter’s jersey over top of it. 

You really didn’t want to go, you wanted to hide for the rest of the night. But you knew both Travis and Carter would be here and ready to bust down your door if you didn’t go. So you forced yourself out of the dorm and into the waiting cab. You made your legs move towards the area and through security. You tried to act happy and carefree as you sat with everyone else. You tried...because that's all you could do.

“How are you doing? The guys said Carter’s worried,” One of the wives asked. 

“Oh, I’m fine! Finals are just coming up soon,” You shrugged, trying to get off of the topic. 

They didn’t need to know you were scared of your own shadow, and all that could go bump in the night. You were scared of what you knew was waiting for you, somewhere in the city. He was probably here tonight, ready to strike the moment he could. The only thing you knew to do was try and minimize whatever fallout would come on the team. 

“Are you sure? That breakin was horrible.”

You nodded and forced a smile, “They’ve fixed the issue with security, and the apartment is fine. I really have been busy with classes that’s all! Promise.”

You hoped you convinced them. You didn’t want to answer any more questions about how you were doing. Carter was worried, you knew that, just like you knew that Travis was worried too. There wasn’t much you could do to relieve their fears. They knew you too well. You were sure Nolan was just as worried. And Ethan...you didn’t even want to think about how he must be going out of his mind. You hoped Kora was doing a good job of making sure he thought you were fine. You didn’t want him getting on a plane and coming back out here again. 

Your skin was crawling during the first period. You knew someone was watching you somewhere in the arena. You looked to the bench, none of the guys were focused on you. Travis and Nolan were on the ice, Carter busy in net. It wasn’t a member of the team. That only meant that you were being paranoid, or he was here. 

Half way through the second, you got a text. You were scared to look at it, having the dreadful feeling in the pit of your stomach that it was going to be him. How he would’ve gotten your number didn’t even cross your mind. He was crafty, and when he wanted something he made sure he could get it. Especially if it meant he’d get to ruin you. He made that very clear. 

GET AWAY FROM YOUR BODYGUARDS IF YOU'RE SMART. THE SMALL TEAM STORE BY YOUR SECTION. FIVE MINUTES 

It was like ice water was poured all over you. He really was here. He knew where you were, and the fact that you were surrounded by the families of all of the players. There were arena attendants right by all of you. You had a feeling Travis and Carter asked for one of them to keep an eye on you while you were at the game, just so they could feel at ease.

You looked around, trying to figure out what to do. It was the middle of the game. None of the guys could help you. You looked up to the player box, where a few injured or scratched players were watching the game. You didn’t know any of them enough to ask them to come with you. This would have to be something you did solely on your own. Which was exactly how he wanted it.

“I’ll be right back,” You told the girls around you, “My parents want me to give them a call. I guess my brother didn’t really explain what happened very well.”

You forced another smile, this one hopefully just as convincing. It seemed to work because none of them questioned as you got up. They didn’t watch you as you walked away, there didn’t seem to be any worry at all. It was just as you needed it to be. 

But, that didn’t stop your own heart from trying to pound out of your chest. Your ears were ringing as you climbed the steps towards the concourse. There was no telling what he wanted from you this time, but you could only hope that you would make it out okay since you were in public this time. You were in an area where you were known. It was no secret that you were dating Carter, or that you were like a sister to Travis and Nolan. 

Your legs shook as you walked along the concourse towards the team store. You just wanted all of this to be over. Life was so different before he came back. There was a period of pure bliss with Carter. And before he was even a big part of your life, you were so happy and didn’t know any different. Life was good. Life was great. Everything was new, and exciting. You didn’t know much about pain, or being hurt by people you loved. Now you did...and it was because of him. 

“Look at you, wearing his jersey.”

Your whole body went cold. He was standing just before you, dressed in black like he used to. For just a moment you hoped he wouldn’t even be here, you hoped he was just playing with you again. But he was here...and how he had you in his trap. 

“He’s my boyfriend, he wanted me to wear it.”

He smiled, but it wasn’t kind. Nothing about him was kind. Nothing was comforting, or felt right. Every part of him was now a warning telling you to run as fast as you could. But your feet stayed right where they were. You didn’t move any closer, and neither did he. You were in a stalemate. 

“You look like shit.”

You let out a bitter laugh, “What do you want?”

He took a step closer, watching you like a predator stalks its prey, “Oh, Doll. Don’t you want to play a game? You used to love our games.”

You shook your head, “You loved them. I never had a choice. You forced me into all of it.”

He cocked his head to the side, “I remember you used to beg for more.”

You hated who he made you then. You did all that you could to keep him with you because he’d convinced you that no one would want you after him. He made you into something you hated because you felt like you didn’t have a choice. He stripped away everything that you were and made you into his own personal little toy...his doll that he could play with.

“You made me into that person,” You hissed, “You broke me.”

He laughed, such a mincing sound that you wished you’d never have to hear again, “Oh Doll, I was just getting started.”

“Zachary, please stop,” You begged, “Leave now and I won’t tell a soul. It’ll be like you were never here.”

“And miss out on the real fun? Oh no I don’t think so. We’re just getting started.”

“Zack, please. I haven’t done anything. I left, I moved on. I haven’t been home in years,” You felt tears burning your eyes. You tried everything to force them back, “I gave up everything because you nearly killed me.”

“No. No, you don’t get to keep playing the victim. Not now. I ruined you? No. I lost my scholarship. No college would even consider me. No one in town will hire me. You ruined my life, all because you had to go cry big bad wolf. It’s time for you to pay up.”

“I’m begging you. Please just leave. The court records are sealed, you can go somewhere else. No one would have to know.”

“Oh, but this is going to be so much fun, Y/N. I don’t think you’ll have a need for that jersey when we’re done though.”

“Zachary, don’t touch him. Please. Leave Carter out of this, he has nothing to do with you and me.”

“Haven’t you figured it out? He has everything to do with this. Him, and Konecny and his little lap dog Patrick. All of them,” He explained, “And that hot roommate of yours, who’s so very sweet. She loves to help people.”

Kora...anyone but Kora. 

“I wonder just how Ethan would feel if I was to get my hands on her? I’ve fucked his sister, might as well add his girlfriend to the list too.”

You surged forward, “If you lay a hand on her I swear to god-”

“See, now you’re willing to play. I knew one of them would convince you. So you’re going to go back to that group over there, and you’re going to tell them that you’re done for the night and you’re going to go home. And when he calls, because we both know he will, you tell him that you’re fine. And you keep telling him that.”

“Zach-”

“Shh, I’m not done yet. From now on, you don’t get to ignore me. Understand? I know where to find all of them. I’ve beaten Konecny before, I’ll gladly do it again.”

Fear rose up in you, because you knew he meant it. He never got along with Travis. Travis always saw right through him and he couldn’t stand that. He always took every chance he got to remind Travis how much he didn’t like him. You knew if he got the chance here, he’d do his very worst. 

You knew he wasn’t kidding about any of it. Not anymore. He meant every word, and if you didn’t do what he wanted he would make due on all of the threats. You didn’t have a choice anymore. You couldn’t go to the police, they wouldn’t believe you. You had no evidence of what he’d done before because the records were sealed due to the fact that you were a minor when it all took place. So they closed and sealed them to protect you. Never did you think that it would turn around and hurt you.

“Just don’t hurt them,” Your voice was small and broken, “Do whatever you want to me, but don’t hurt them. Please.”

“Oh, I plan on doing a lot with you, Doll,” He winked at you and held up his phone, “I’ll be seeing you soon.”

He smiled again and turned to walk away. He got a couple of yards away from you before turning back around, “And don’t think about breaking up with him to save him, it won’t work. It’ll only make things worse for everyone. Have a good night, Y/N.”

Your whole body shook as you slowly turned around. You really wouldn’t be getting away from it this time. He had you trapped. There would be no running, no cunning away to save everyone you loved from getting hurt. They’d all get hurt somehow. But you hoped you could shoulder most of it and save them from as much pain as you could. You were strong enough to handle it all again. You made it out alive once before, you could do it again.

Slowly, you made your way back to your seat and informed the group that you weren’t feeling well and were going to go home. You weren’t even sure your legs would be able to carry you out. You tried not to look back towards the ice. Not as tears finally started to fall. You were doing this to keep Carter and Travis safe. You were doing it to make sure Nolan never had to know what you really had to go through before he met you. 

And Kora...You would do a lot of things to make sure she was safe. She didn’t need to see any of it first hand. She didn’t need to experience how horrible all of it could be. You wanted to make sure that she would still be the same Kora by the end of all of this. If you had to, you’d cut her out after it was all over, just so she would never have to know. 

And Carter...you wished you could’ve frozen those moments of peace and love with him. You wished you could’ve stayed in bed that day, in your own little world with him. Or that you two could’ve met in a different life, one where you’d never loved Zachary. One where the two of you could just be normal. Where he wouldn’t feel the need to keep protecting you from everything. You wished your life would’ve been different, not for yourself, but for the people that you might end up dragging down with you. 

You never wanted to hurt any of them. You always knew you’d fall...but you never thought you’d end up bringing them along too. So, you’d play the game, you’d do whatever you had to do. Just to save them. You were already gone, there was nothing you could do about that anymore. But you still had a shot at keeping them out of it. And you were going to ensure it stayed that way.

#carter hart imagine #Carter hart imagines #Carter hart fanfic #Carter hart fanfiction #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #nhl fanfiction #nhl fanfic #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #hockey fanfic #hockey fanfiction #Philly Flyers #Philly flyers imagine #Philly flyers imagines #nicolewritesthings

[queenshelby]

DRAMA TEACHER – PART ONE

Featuring: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Smut, Divorce, Broken Relationship, Mention of Abuse

Words: 3,567

***New to Dublin***

It has been several weeks since you moved from the UK to Dublin to start a new life with your son Lucas who recently turned 16.

You left an abusive relationship and finally filed for divorce. Nonetheless, Lucas blamed you for everything even for the fact that his father wasn’t allowed to see him until the court orders have been finalised due to his addictions and history of violence.

Lucas hated the fact that he was now attending a new school and, just after two days, he was getting himself into trouble for smoking weed on school premises.

Despite this, you enjoyed your new job as a drama teacher and had recently suggested to the director of the school that it would be fantastic for the children who enrolled into your extra curriculum arts program to participate in an actual play in front of their families and the teachers of the school.

‘What do you think about it Adam?’ you asked. Adam was the school principal and your friend since high school. He always had a crush on you, but never admitted it. It wasn’t until recently that he finally asked you for a date, an offer which you declined since you were working with him on a daily basis.

‘Sure, if you think the students are willing and able to put in this kind of effort, why not?’ Adam said, allowing you to take charge of the extra curriculum drama activities as you see fit. He was just glad to have you on board after the last drama and literature teacher employed by the school was a disaster.

‘I have about six students in two of my classes who seem to be very talented and I think it would be beneficial for them to build up the confidence they need if they want to pursue a career in acting’ you explained before giving Adam the names of the six students.

‘Perhaps you can suggest it to their parents?’ you then went on to say and Adam agreed.

Three weeks later, you got notice from Adam advising you that five out of the six students wish to participate in the program but, in order to be signed off by the board, you would need to find five more students and a volunteer parent to assist you with any work that is to be conducted outside school premises due to regulations imposed by the board.

‘You’ve got anyone in mind?’ you asked.

‘Actually, one of the parents has offered and I think he would be a good fit as he is a well-known actor and has had several stage performances himself’ Adam explained.

‘I assume you are talking about Hendrix and Charlie’s dad?’ you asked, remembering having met him a few times already at pick up on Wednesdays and every second Friday.

‘Yes, Cillian Murphy’ Adam said before continuing on ‘Cillian mentioned that he’s got no engagements for the next three months, so I suggest you talk to him’ Adam suggested.

‘Alright. So, do you know each other since you are on first name basis?’ you asked surprised.

‘Yes, for a matter of fact, I do. His brother is married to my sister. We occasionally have a few drinks. He is easy going. You will get along just fine’ Adam said.

‘Alright, I will talk to him then. Thanks Adam’ you said before quickly leaving Adam’s office.

Adam had recently made yet another attempt to ask for a date which you pushed back on, which meant that you tried to engage in as little small talk as possible.

***Interested in Someone Else***

The following Wednesday, when Cillian picked up his boys from school, you approached him. You felt somewhat uncomfortable about it, knowing that he was probably overqualified for this task. But, he had offered and there was no one else who you thought could do a better job with the students than someone like him, someone with experience.

‘Uhm, Mr Murphy, do you have a minute?’ you asked as he was trying to get his sons to pack up their bags while they were too busy fighting with each other once again. They both were very creative, but also very messy and constantly argued.

‘Oh no…what did they do?’ he chuckled as he pulled Hendrix’s bag apart looking for the rest of the mandarin peel which Charlie had stuffed in there just seconds ago to get under Hendrix’s skin.

‘Jesus Hendrix’ he huffed as he found three empty chocolate wrappers instead and put them into the bin.

‘Sorry Miss L/N, you have my attention now…you were saying?’ he chuckled

‘The boys are great, really well behaved’ you said as you noticed that Cillian looked at you with concern, thinking his sons were in trouble.

‘Really? I find that hard to believe’ he laughed before telling them off again for fighting with each other.

‘I have spoken to our principal, Mr Walsh, and he mentioned that you would be willing to get involved in the drama project as a volunteer. In order to get it approved by our board, I would need one parent to volunteer’ you explained shyly.

‘That’s right, so long as it is within the next three months. After that I will be in the US for a few months for work’ Cillian explained just before the boys interrupted him.

‘I assume that’s what the beard is for?’ you grinned, having noticed that it has slowly been growing longer and longer over the past few weeks.

‘Unfortunately’ he laughed, running one of his hands over his stubble just as Charlie came over and interrupted him.

‘Seriously Dad? Do you know how embarrassing this will be for us if you are working with Miss L/N?’ Charlie huffed.

‘Yes, Charlie wants to impress Nadine Seymour and you are really going to ruin it’ Hendrix teased, causing Charlie to nudge him

‘No fighting and no girlfriends! Understood?’ Cillian chuckled before inviting you for a coffee on Friday after school so that you can discuss the drama program.

You gladly accepted Cillian’s invitation, much to his sons’ disappointment.

‘Are you having a date with our teacher? That’s so disgusting’ you then heard Hendrix say as Cillian was walking off with them.

***Two Weeks Later***

Two weeks later, your drama project was in full swing and you had decided to allow the students to practise their play at a real theatre in Dublin once per week when Cillian was available.

You and Cillian got along well and his boys continuously teased him about hanging out with their teacher. But there was nothing awkward between you until, one day, you engaged into some deeper conversation while none of the children were around.

Cillian had found out about your son’s problems at school. His boys had told him about Lucas’s reputation and, over a few hours and a few beers following theatre practise, you opened up to him about your divorce and your relationship with Lucas’s father.

You didn’t know why you told him, but you enjoyed his company. He was a good listener and he was quite reserved and private which made you trust him.

But, over the following week, you started to enjoy his company a little too much. He certainly was an attractive man and, by what you could tell, a fantastic father. He seemed perfect and you knew you shouldn’t fantasise about him the way you did over that past week.

This was easier said than done. He had everything your ex lacked. He was patient, kind and empathetic. You enjoyed working with him and your son soon noticed, giving you a hard time about it soon enough.

To your surprise, after about three weeks of working together and following the last practise, Cillian took matters a little further than you had expected and, after all the kids had left and his boys had been picked up by their mother, Cillian asked you whether you wanted to have dinner with him some time.

You politely declined his offer, explaining to him that you weren’t ready to start dating and that sure felt like a date to you.

That same night, you regretted your decision after talking to your sister about it. You trusted your sister with everything and you encouraged you to give him a chance.

You were afraid to develop feeling, to let anyone to your life, but you were of the view that you must learn how to trust before you can love again.

‘Does your dinner offer still stand?’ you texted Cillian that night, hoping that he would reply quickly to your message.

‘It sure does’ Cillian texted back within seconds.

‘Pick me up at 6 o’clock tomorrow? Lucas is having a sleep over at a friend’s place’ you responded.

‘6 o’clock it is’ Cillian texted back.  

***Date Night***

The following evening, Cillian picked you up at 6 o’clock as promised and, after complimenting your outfit, which was a black buttoned dress, you both got into his car and drove into Dublin’s city centre.

‘So where are you taking me?’ you asked somewhat shyly and Cillian was quick to hand you a pamphlet.

‘A theatre?’ you asked surprised.

‘Sort of. It is a restaurant in the arts district where you can watch pop up shows during the drama festival. It’s contemporary, but you might spot some real good talent there’ Cillian explained and your excitement was growing.

His idea was very thoughtful and you appreciated the fact that this wasn’t going to be your average Italian restaurant date.

Over dinner you and Cillian talked a lot about your lives, your relationships and your children while watching the most interesting people perform the most interesting short plays. Some of them were real pieces of art and the performers put an immense effort into their performance and costumes.

After about two hours, Cillian offered to drive you home and you gladly accepted his offer.

‘Uhm would you like to come up for a drink?’ you asked as you arrived at your apartment building.

‘Sure, yes, why not’ Cillian said before turning off his car and following you to your apartment.

But the drink never eventuated and, as soon as you opened the door to your apartment, Cillian’s lips were on yours.

‘Fuck I am sorry Y/N’ Cillian said, pulling back quite quickly as he realised that things were probably moving too fast for you after what you had told him a few days ago.

‘No, don’t. I want this’ you reassured him, your voice quiet and your eyes fierce before pressing your lips back onto his.

‘For once, I want to feel like a real woman. I want to be desired... loved, I want to know what this feels like’ you said as you could see the fire in his eyes as you slowly dragged him into your bedroom.

He stepped forward then, tilting your chin up with his finger, brushing his lips over yours, and allowing his tongue to caress your lower lip. Your body shook softly as you melted into his embrace, your lips parting, granting access to Cillian's tongue, which immediately snaked into your mouth and embarked on a search for yours.

You sighed softly, draping your arms around his neck and pressing your body against Cillian's torso. The kiss was deep, passionate and almost immediately took your breath away. It was unlike anything you had ever experienced, stoking the fire already burning deep within your body. When Cillian finally released you from his embrace you were left panting and wanting more.

‘You are beautiful, you know that?’ Cillian whispered as he started unbuttoning the black dress that draped so alluringly across your breasts and waist.

‘If you say so’ you giggled before looking straight into his eyes. You proceeded to shrug the dress from your shoulders, blushing as Cillian's eyes consumed you.

He kissed you again, his hands sliding down to cup your ass as he pressed his fully hard cock against you.

‘I want you, Cillian’ you gasped softly as you felt him rubbing against you.

He walked you slowly back to the bed, laying you down gently and stripping his clothes from his body. You looked up at him, biting your lip, as he first pulled his t-shirt over his head, exposing his perfectly shaped chest and torso. Your heart began to pound as he kicked off his shoes and undid his pants, dropping them to his ankles. In no time at all his cock was free and pointing proudly to the ceiling.

You stared at it from your place on the bed, mesmerized by the way it bobbed and weaved as he gazed lustily at your nearly naked body.

You gasped when Cillian got to his knees, spreading your legs and placing soft butterfly kisses on your thighs. You blushed, knowing what Cillian intended, an act that your ex-husband had never, in all your years of marriage, performed.

‘Cillian’ you said quietly, attempting to close your legs.

Cillian held them apart gently as he looked up at your quizzically.

‘I've never...I've never had anyone do that to me’ you said, refusing to meet his eyes.

‘Really?’ he asked surprised and you answered by shaking your head almost shyly.

‘Well, there is a first time for everything Y/N. Just relax. I will stop whenever you tell me to, alright?’ he said, attempting to soothe and calm you and you nodded, biting your lip in anticipation.

And with that he reached up and grasped the waist of your panties, tugging at them gently. You submitted, lifting your hips and closing your eyes as Cillian slid the panties down your thighs. You kept your legs clamped tightly together however as he dropped them to the floor.

Your ex husband had been the first and only men you’ve been with and you were beyond nervous.

‘Cillian’ you murmured as he pressed gently on the insides of your knees in a silent request.

Your legs parted in response and you blushed a deep red at the thought of your most intimate spot exposed to Cillian's gaze. Leaning forward, he kissed the inside of each of your thighs before, a moment later, his tongue was buried in your soft folds, tasting your sweetness. Your body bucked wildly as he drew his tongue through your sweet flesh, your hips rising from the bed from the jolts of pure pleasure that shot through your body when he discovered the little bud that was your clit.

‘Oh God, Cillian!’ you moaned, covering your eyes with the back of your hand.

He opened your legs a little more, twisting his head and running the tip of his tongue the full length of your glistening pussy, savoring the sweet taste of your juice. Reaching up, he found one of your stiff nipples and tugged at it softly as he continued exploring you with his mouth.

You moaned, squirming on the bed from the pleasure building within you as he relentlessly worked at your pussy.

‘Don't stop please, fuck’ you hissed, grasping at the sheet and closing your thighs around his head.

Cillian had no intention of stopping as his tongue lapped at you, his mouth moving in circles as he sought ways to enhance your pleasure. Your body arched upwards when his lips closed around your clit, sucking it into his mouth and flicking at it gently with the very tip of his tongue. Your breathing was ragged, your moans increasing in volume as his mouth worked relentlessly at your sex. It took no more than a few minutes for your pleasure to build to an overwhelming level.

‘Oh my God! Cillian! Oh my God!’ you screamed as a searing orgasm claimed you.

Your entire body shuddered and shook as wave after wave of pleasure coursed through you. Cillian simply gripped your thighs and continued to lick your clit as your body convulsed on the bed. The orgasm seemed to go on forever and it was at least a minute before your mind was once again in control, Finally, your eyes flickered open and you looked at Cillian shyly, his head still positioned between your thighs.

‘Cillian, that was...oh my God, it was amazing. I never imagined...’ you said exhausted.

Cillian raised his head, grinning.

‘There's a lot more to come, Y/N’ he replied, raising himself to your knees.

He could see the trepidation on your face as you eyed his hard, swollen cock which pointed eagerly towards the ceiling.

‘It's okay, I will go slowly’ he said softly, caressing your thigh with his fingers. ‘Do you have…?’ he then went on to ask and, before he could finish his sentence, you shook your head.

‘I’ve just had my implant replaced’ you assured him and this was all he needed to hear.

Reaching down and grasping his member he dragged his head through your folds, causing you to moan once again. The heat from his cock was palpable, the touch of it electric, as he moved it through your puffy lips.

‘Cillian, please... I need you’ you moaned.

‘Not yet, Y/N’ he teased, sliding the head of his cock up and down your slick slit, spreading your soft lips but refusing to penetrate your just yet.

‘God, Cillian... please’ you begged.

He relented then, groaning as he pushed the head of his cock into you, your tight walls gripping him as he pushed deeper, filling you.

‘Oh god yes’ you hissed, your eyes glued to his as he began stroking the full length of his cock into you.

He kissed you, taking your mouth with his as you moaned in pleasure. Drawing his hips back, Cillian's cock slid easily from your sex, eliciting a delicious whimper from your throat. Immediately he thrust back into you in one smooth movement and then repeated the action, giving you deep hard strokes as he built to a steady rhythm.

You moaned and squirmed beneath him; your body rising from the bed to meet each thrust of his almost perfect manhood.

‘Cillian, fuck’ you gasped as he worked himself in and out of you. Your body was on fire, every nerve alight as Cillian fucked you in a way you had never before experienced. Usually, your ex-husband would mount you and simply jackhammer into you for a couple of minutes before gasping in your ear as he came. Cillian, however, was intent on ensuring your pleasure, varying the pace and depth of his thrusts, gyrating his hips against yours, and changing the angle now and then to ensure that he ground against your clit.

Fuck, Y/N... you are so tight. It feels so good’ Cillian moaned.

Cillian, no...’ you whimpered as he pulled his cock from you.

‘Don’t worry, I am not finished with you yet. Turn over’ he chuckled.

You scrambled to your hands and knees quickly, the need to have Cillian's cock inside you driving your movements. Cillian, for his part, felt the same and he wasted no time in entering you again.

He thrust deep into you, driving the breath from your body as he pounded his cock into your sweet, tight pussy over and over. You were in heaven; Cillian was taking you in exactly the way you had imagined so many times over the past few weeks when you dreamt about him. His desire for you palpable in every thrust of his rock-hard member.

As Cillian continued to thrust into you, you buried your face in the pillow, moaning continuously as Cillian took you, the friction of his shaft against your tight walls sending waves of pleasure to the sensory centers of your brain. Instinctively, you pushed back against him, attempting to get every inch of him into you. You were rewarded with a long, guttural moan.

‘Y/N, I'm close’ he warned you.

‘Good, so am I’ you gasped in response. ‘Take me, Cillian’ you moaned.

He picked up the pace, his thrusting becoming almost desperate as he fought to make you finish before he did. He held you in place tightly, his solid shaft slamming into you again and again.

Suddenly you were there, crying out loudly as an intense, almost nuclear, burst of pleasure erupted from deep within and spread through your body.

‘Oh god yes, Cillian fuck’ you screamed, your pussy convulsing around Cillian's shaft.

The sight and sound of your orgasm was too much for Cillian and after just a few more thrusts, he too erupted, forcing spurts of warm cum into you. His eyes glazed and he lost all sense of time and place as he surrendered to the intense pleasure swamping his body.

‘Fuck, that's so good!’ he panted as the two of you, shuddering and shaking in unison, reveled in the fruits of your labor.

Finally, it was over. Gently, you uncoupled your panting bodies and, rolling onto his back, Cillian gasped again, eliciting a wide smile from you.

You snuggled against his warm chest, your thigh cast carelessly over his legs. You were content, basking in the warm glow of perfect sex.

But, your sense of lust and desire was soon to come to an end as you heard Lucas shouting.

‘Mum, are you home?’ he yelled out, causing both Cillian’s and your eyes to widen.

   Tag List (Cillian):

@lilymurphy03  @deefigs @theflamecrystal   @desperate-and-broken  @weepingstudentfishhorse   @livinginfantaxy  @rosey1981  @atomicsoulcollecto  @peakyboyslover  @nerdy4itall  @elenavampire21  @hanster1998  @mariapaiva13  @fairypitou  @harry-is-my-sunflower  @zozeebo  @lauren-raines-x @kasaikawa  @littlewierdalien  @sad-huffle-nerd  @theflamecrystal   @peakymalfoyscullymulder  @themissthang  @0ghostwriter0  @stylescanbeatmyback  @1-800-peakyblinders @datewithgianni  @momoneymolife  @ntmynouis @lilymurphy03  @mcntsee@cloudofdisney @missymurphy1985 @peakymalfoyscullymulder  @otterly-fey @janelongxox  @uchihacumdump @basiclassy  @being-worthy  @chaotic-bean-of-smolness  @margoo0 @chocolatehalo​  @vhscillian​  @ysmmsy​  

Cannot Tag (please check your settings):

@l0tsofpennies @trolleydolly @avonlady1985 @chrisevanshoeee  @daydreamingnymph  @fookingshelby

#cillian murphy #Cillian Murphy x Reader #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy imagine

[raeandwhatnot]

Hold Your Breath- Alive!Luke Patterson Imagine

Summary: You have a big test coming up, but what happens if the test happened earlier than expected?

Warnings: anxiety attack

Words: 3.8k

Masterlist

A/N: Hello, I am thinking of taking requests for imagines. So far, I’ve only done Luke/Charlie. However, I attached a masterlist that shows everything I am comfortable writing so far. For marvel, I can try to write for other superheroes, so that way I can learn how to write for them. But yeah, if you want me to write something, request away! I will say, I'm in college so it will take a bit. Alrighty, enjoy this imagine! 

Beep beep beep

I wake up to the annoying noise that is my alarm clock. It was already 6:45? I barely got any sleep last night from studying for the upcoming history test. I hate taking tests, so I stress myself out by studying as much as I can so I can get a good grade. I sit up on my bed to see my textbook and papers laid out around me. I turn to my alarm and shut it off. I grab my phone from my night stand to see that Reggie texted me.

Hey, I’m going to be a little late picking you up today. I’ll be over around 7:45. See ya soon- Reg

I reply with a simple okay to let Reggie know that I got the message. I collect my textbook and papers and place them on the night stand. I didn’t feel like getting 100% ready. I walk to the bathroom and turn on the light to see what the damage looked like. My hair was a mess and I had major bags under my eyes. I brush my (Y/H/C) hair and put it in a messy bun. I decided I was going to do extra light makeup today. I normally do a natural look, but today I was going extra natural. I put some concealer under my eyes so I don’t look scary. I then put some mascara and eyebrows. I quickly brush my teeth so I don’t have to look at my reflection anymore. Once I finish in the bathroom, I walk back to my room to put on different clothes. Even though I felt like absolute crap and didn’t even feel like putting on jeans, I knew my friends would realize something was wrong if I didn’t wear jeans. I changed the shirt I slept in into a graphic band tee, and I changed from shorts to jeans. To finish the outfit, I put on my checkered vans. I grab textbook and papers from my night stand and put it in my backpack.

After zipping my backpack, I took a deep breath to try to calm me down. I could feel my heart picking up its pace as I was stressing about going to school. I don’t do well when I don’t get a goodnights rest. This past week, I haven’t been getting enough sleep and it is now starting to hit me. I tried to remind myself that it was a Thursday and that I have one more day to study before the test. I took another deep breath and shake my hands to try to get the stress out of me a little bit. I grab my backpack and head to the kitchen for breakfast.

When I get to the kitchen, I place my backpack near the kitchen table. I wasn’t entirely all that hungry, so I just grab a bagel and put it in the toaster. I get the cream cheese from the fridge and wait for my bagel to finish toasting. I suddenly hear a knock at the door. I furrow my brows and look at my phone. It was 7:40. I guess I was having a quicker morning than I thought. I walk to the door and open it to see Reggie. “Hey, (Y/N)!” Reggie smiled.

I smile back, “Hi, Reggie. I’m just heating up a bagel real quick. Come on in.” I step to the side so Reggie can walk in. He nods and steps through the door. I close it behind him as I hear my bagel pop out of the toaster.

“How has your morning been?” Reggie asks as we both walk to the kitchen.

“It’s been alright. I’m a little tired from studying last night,” I say while spreading cream cheese on the bagel.

Reggie leans against counter, “But (Y/N/N), you’ve been studying all week!”

“I know, I know. I just want to do well!” I exclaim.

“Is that why you haven’t come to Julie and the Phantoms rehearsals recently?” Reggie questions. Even though Reggie can be a bit of an airhead, he does notice a lot of things about his friends.

“Maybe,” I mumble as I finish spreading the cream cheese and put it back in the fridge.

Reggie steps over to me and grabs my shoulders to stop me from moving. “(Y/N), you are going to be fine! You always do good enough on your tests,” he says.

I slightly smile at his comforting words, “Thanks, Reg.” Reggie smiles and drops his hands from my shoulders. I grab my bagel and backpack. “Okay, I’m ready to go now!”

“Sweet,” Reggie says. “Also, sorry for being late! I was fixing my amp in the rain last night. I think it messed up my car a little bit, so I had to have my dad jump my car.”

I slowly take a bite out of my bagel listening to Reggie’s explanation. “I don’t think you should be doing that, but okay,” I whisper as we walk to Reggie’s car. We climb in the car at the same time and start heading to school. Thankfully, school wasn’t terribly far away. To be honest, I could walk to school, but who wants to do that?

I finish eating my breakfast as Reggie pulled into the parking lot. Reggie’s assigned parking space was right next to Alex’s. Alex, Luke, and Julie were clumped around Alex’s car waiting for us to join them. “Hey guys!” Reggie says as he gets out of the car. I follow him out and join the group. I keep next to Reggie as I didn’t want my boyfriend, Luke, to see me in my anxious state.

“You guys are late!” Julie exclaims.

“Yeah, that’s my bad! I tried fixing my amp while it was raining outside last night and it did something to my car,” Reggie explains to everyone. They all gave Reggie a questioning look.

“How are you still alive?” Julie asks out of the blue. We all chuckle and Reggie looked confused. Luke pats Reggie on the back as we start walking to the school building.

As we were walking, Alex tugs on my arm to slow us down and be more behind the group. “Hey, are you okay?” he asks.

I shrug my shoulders, “Yeah, of course. Why?”

“You are more quiet than normal. You also look really tired,” Alex says quietly so the rest of the group doesn’t hear. Alex also suffers from anxiety like I do, so we understand each other. It’s really hard to hide it from him, but I always try to.

I scoff at his statement, “Alex, I’m fine. I’m just tired from studying last night; that’s all!”

Alex squints his eyes at me. “Okay, if you say so. You know you can talk to me, right? Or you can talk to Luke. I know he is more than willing to help you out. You are his girlfriend after all.”

I stop at my locker. “Yes, I know. I don’t want to bother Luke with my troubles. He’s been focusing on the band a lot recently. I don’t want to put more weight on his shoulders. Anyways, hurry and get to class. First period is about to start,” I say to him while putting in the code to my locker.

“Yes, ma’am!” Alex says while walking backwards and saluting. He turns around and walks to his first class. I have class with everyone in our group. First period (History) is with Luke, second period (Art) is with Julie and Flynn, third period (Biology) is with Willy, forth period (theatre 3) is with Luke, Alex, Reggie, and Julie, fifth period is lunch with everyone, sixth period (Pre-Cal) is with Alex, and seventh period (English) is with Julie and Willy. It was nice to always have a friend in class.

I grab my art supplies from my locker as I don’t have time to swing by locker between first and second period. Since art class on the other side of school, I have to put my supplies in my backpack now or else I would be late trying to get my supplies between classes.

I close my locker to see Luke leaning against the locker next to me. “Jeez!” I jumped as Luke scared me by his presence. “You’ve got to stop doing that!”

Luke laughs at how scared I was, “Normally, that doesn’t scare you that bad. What’s going on in your mind?”

I shake my head, “Nothing important!”

Luke tilts his head, not believing what I said. “Sure, whatever you say, (Y/L/N), You ready for history?” Luke asks as he stands up from the lockers and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

I turn my heel to walk to class. “Am I ever ready for history? No! Whenever Mr. Hall teaches, it goes in one ear and straight out the other. I just have a hard time retaining history.” I answer.

As we get to Mr. Halls door, Luke unwraps his arm around me and stands in front of me. “You got this, bubs. You always do good in class!” Luke says trying to cheer me up.

“Thanks,” I murmur against my breath as I look down and play with my fingers. I was starting to feel anxious.

Luke notices and grabs my hand, “Believe me, you are insanely smart! You can do this.”

I look up at Luke who had a slight smile on his face. I nod my head, “Thanks, bubs.” He lets go of my hands and wraps his arms around my head. I hug back by wrapping my arms around his waist. I start to feel slightly less anxious with the hug. Luke always gives good hugs. He rubs my head slightly and gives me a kiss on the top of my head. I pull away from the hug to give him a double thumbs up. Luke smiles wider, snaps his fingers, and turns his heel to walk in the classroom. I take a deep breath and walk in the room. Luke and I take our spots in the back of the classroom; I sit right in front of Luke. Not too long after we sat down, the first period bell rang and the morning announcements started. I tune out whatever was being said over the intercom, not caring what they had to say. I didn’t even stand up to do the pledge of allegiance. I don’t know why I was feeling so anxious; the test is tomorrow!

Suddenly, I feel a kick on my heel. I snap my head towards Luke. “You’re shaking your desk with your leg bouncing and it’s making a squeaking sound,” Luke whispers. I didn’t even notice that I was bouncing my leg.

I immediately stop bouncing my leg, “Oh, sorry!” I turn back to face the front.

Finally, the morning announcements were over. Mr. Hall stood up from his desk to stand in front of the class, “Good morning class. I have a few things to say before we get started today. First thing, I will not be here tomorrow because we have an away baseball game.” A few boys in the class let out some hoots as they are part of the baseball team. I slightly chuckle at their actions. “I normally am here in the mornings when we have baseball games. However, it’s a few hours away, so I will be gone all day. Therefore, we are going to have our test today instead of tomorrow! Surprise! I hope you guys are ready!”

My heart sunk to the floor. This couldn’t be happening. We can’t take this test early; I’m not ready for it! “Clean off your desks, everyone. Let’s get started!” Mr. Hall announces.

I lean down to my backpack that was on the floor to grab a pencil. I open up every zipper to search for a pencil, but I couldn’t find one. I was starting to panic as my anxiety started to get worse. I then feel a tap on my shoulder. I look to see Luke handing me a pencil. I zip my backpack closed and take the pencil from him. “Hey, you okay?” Luke asks as I turn back to the front. I nod my head because I knew if I tried to speak, I would just break down crying. I set down the pencil Luke gave me and wipe my hands on my pants as they became super clammy. Mr. Hall walked by and past tests row by row. He finally placed a test packet on my desk. I pick it up to look at the back to see how many questions was on the test. There were 30 questions.

“Alright, you have until the rest of the class period to do the test. Good luck!” Mr. Hall says and sits down at his desk. My shaky hand picks up the pencil and my vision starts to get a blurry and watery as tears started to brew in my eyes. I shut my eyes hard to make sure tears don’t fall. I take a deep, shaking breath and try to read the first question.

What year did the Holocaust begin?

My mind went blank. I’ve been studying this all week, and I couldn’t remember a thing. I skip around the questions to see if I could find a question that I knew at the top of my head. There weren’t many, but thankfully I found a couple of questions I could answer confidently. I look at the clock to see we have 30 minutes left of class which is enough time to do a test. However, in my mind, it’s not enough at all!

Suddenly, I feel Luke’s foot kick my heel, again. I look up at Mr. Hall to see him on his computer. I turn around at Luke, “What?” I barely whisper. Luke tilts his head to the ground. I look down to see a folded piece of paper next to my backpack. I pick it up, glance at Mr. Hall, and open the folded paper.

Are you sure you’re okay? You keep fidgeting in your desk.

Luke’s awful handwriting was hard to read, and I didn’t have time to answer him back as I needed to finish this test. I fold the paper back and slip it in my bag.

Time passes, and I was down to three questions that were absolutely stumping me. I reread the questions about 15 times each to make sure I could understand the questions. I run my fingers through my hair in frustration and let out a heavy sigh. I look around to see almost everyone done and sitting with their phones. I turn around at Luke who was done as well. How was he already done?!

“5 more minutes!” Mr. Hall announces. I snap my head to the clock; class was almost over. My heart starts racing and beating hard in my chest. I look back to my test. Do I just BS this and guess? Do I even have time to figure the questions out? After a minute or two, I guess the last three questions as best as I can and turn in my test at the front. I try to take more deep breaths to try to calm my heart down. Tears were threatening to fall down my face.

Finally, the bell rang to end class. I grabbed my bag as quick as I could and sprinted out of class. I heard Luke calling out my name, but I couldn’t face him like this. He has never seen my anxiety so bad, and I don’t want it to be at school. I walk into the girl’s restroom, walk in a stall, and lock it. I drop my bag to the floor and lean against the wall. My breath was uneven and quick. I can’t be doing this in public. I need to calm down! I try to do the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 anxiety trick, but I couldn’t focus on anything. The tears that have been trying to fall finally fell, and I lost it. I place my hand on my mouth to try to hold the sobs coming out of my mouth.

“(Y/N)?” I hear Julie call out. I gasp as I wasn’t expecting her to know where I was? I look at the floor to see her standing in front of the stall I was in. “Hey, are you okay? Luke said you ran out of history.”

I attempt to speak clearly, but a loud sob left my mouth. “I-I’m f-f-in-ne,” I barely spoke in-between sobs.

Through my blurry vision, I saw Julie exit out of the bathroom. I exhale the breath that I didn’t know I was holding. My legs started to feel like jello; I couldn’t hold myself up anymore. Thankfully, the toilet seat was down as I sat down on the toilet. I then noticed that I was hyperventilating. I was having a full out panic attack.

“Bubs?” I hear Luke softly call out. I shake my head as I knew Julie told him I was in here. I try make my breath quiet. “Bubs, can you let me in? Please?” he asked. I could barely move. It felt as if I was a statue and I couldn’t move.

“(Y/N), I know you’re in there,” he states, not knowing I physically couldn’t move.

“I-I-“ I attempt to speak, but words couldn’t form as my hyperventilating kept me from speaking. Next thing I know, Luke drops his backpack on the floor and so does he. He crawls under the crack between the floor and the door. I back further on the toilet and look down so he couldn’t see my face.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Luke whispers and grabs my face to make me look at him. My cheeks were red and tears and tear stains on my cheeks. My nose was running from me crying. He trys to wipe away tears, but they kept falling on my hot cheeks. “Try to breath with me, okay? Inhale through the nose; exhale out of the mouth.”

I nod my head slightly. Luke moves his hands from my face and holds my hands. As Luke inhales, I inhale. As Luke exhales, I let out a shaky exhale that ended in a sob. He does it again, but as I exhaled, all that came out was a sob. I then hyperventilated again and shook my head. This wasn’t working.

“No, no, no, that was supposed to work!” Luke mumbled under his breathe. In the distance, I heard the bell ring to indicate that it was time for second period. This made me panic even more as I can’t be late for class! I squeezed Luke’s hands that my nails digged into his skin slightly. I noticed Luke defeated as he wasn’t sure what to do. Suddenly, I feel him remove his hands from mine and place them back on my face. This time, he pulled me close to him and slammed his lips on mine. My eyes widened as I was shocked at his sudden action. I finally give in a little in the kiss and close my eyes and release the breath I was accidently holding. After a minute, Luke slowly pulled away.

I open my eyes to see him looking at me with a worried look on his face. I then noticed that my breathing was slightly back to normal. “H-How did you that?” I ask.

Luke rubs his thumbs on the apples of my cheeks. “I uh, read about it actually,” Luke states. “When Alex told me he had anxiety, I skimmed some articles on how to help and support someone with anxiety. I read that holding your breath can help, and when I kissed you, you held your breath.”

I couldn’t believe what Luke was saying! “Wow, t-that’s really smart, Luke. Thank you.”

Luke slightly nods his head. He pulls down my head and slightly kisses my forehead. “How come you never mentioned your anxiety was so bad?” Luke questions.

I take Luke’s hand from my face to hold them in my own hands. “I don’t want to bother anyone with my burdens,” I say embarrassed.

“Look, bubs,” Luke whispers. “You don’t have to be embarrassed about your anxiety. I will always be here to help you if you feel really anxious or anything,” I give Luke a slight smile. “Also, I told Flynn and Julie to tell your art teacher that you wouldn’t make it into class, so don’t worry about class right now.”

“What about you?” I question, not wanting him to miss class.

Luke shrugs, “Reggie is covering for me. It’s okay.” I feel slightly guilty that he is missing class because of me. Luke stood up, “Do you want some water?” I nod my head as I slowly stand up from the toilet.  Once I stood up, I felt a little dizzy and placed my head on his chest. Luke placed a kiss on the top of my head. “You good?”

“Mmhm,” I hum quietly. My head finally stopped spinning after a minute. I took my head off of Luke’s chest and stood up straight. “I’m good.”

Luke squeezes my hand and unlocked the bathroom stall door. Thankfully, during this whole time, no one had come into the restroom. However, it might look weird that the both of us are walking out together, but I don’t care at this point. We walk out of the bathroom and head towards the cafeteria where the vending machines were.

“Wait!” I stop my tracks, still holding Luke’s hand which made him stop as well in front of me.

“What?” he questions.

I look at Luke dead in the eyes and ask in a very serious tone, “Do I hold my breathe while we kiss often?”

Luke tries to hide the smile that was forming on his face, “No?”

My mouth opens wide, “Wait, really?!” Luke laughs out loud and walks closer to me. He wraps his arms around my shoulders. “I didn’t know that!” I exclaimed.

“It’s okay, (Y/N)! You know, because you do that, I was able to help you today,” he says while unwrapping his arms around my shoulders and instead places them on my waist.

I roll my eyes and lightly punch up on the chest, “Okay, okay, that’s true. Thank you, again.”

Luke kisses my nose sweetly. “Anything for you, bubs,” he smiles. I smile back. “Hey, there’s that beautiful smile.” I blush at the comment and give him a peck on the lips.

“Let’s go get water,” I say as I grab Luke’s hand and tug towards the cafeteria.

“There’s my girl,” I hear Luke whisper as he walks next to me. As we walk next to each other hand in hand, I take my other hand, wrap it around his arm, and place my head on his bicep. I’m grateful to have Luke in my life.

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