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vampire-meta-knight · 6 months

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I swear, some of these "goth is whatever you want it to be" people act like telling them they're not goth means the Federal Bureau of Goths is going to break down their door and confiscate all their black clothes.

Loves, no one is gatekeeping what you wear. No one is even gatekeeping goth events! You can still go to goth clubs as a non-goth--you just may not enjoy it as much if you don't like the music. All we ask is that you not use the label, which is shorthand for "fan of goth music," to describe yourself if you are not, in fact, a fan of goth music.

We love seeing your cool outfits and gorgeous makeup and flawlessly-dyed hair, and we love sharing aspects of our subculture! But the second you try to redefine it and take away the ONE requirement, we get protective. Darkly-inclined is a wonderful label--use it! Use alternative! Don't use goth, emo, punk, or grunge if you aren't fans of the corresponding music genres. Can you imagine if I, who's never listened to K-pop, only heard of two K-pop bands, and couldn't name a single member of BTS called myself a K-pop stan? (Punk is probably the only one here that's a little more flexible, since it's also rooted in a political movement and protesting, but it still found its birthplace in the music--music which then led to post-punk and goth rock, might I add).

Subcultures have to have a barrier of entry to be a subculture. There has to be a way to set apart the people who are in it and those who aren't. Saying someone isn't goth is not an insult! We don't look down upon you. We get annoyed with poseurs, but not someone who's just into the fashion and makeup aspect and doesn't try to redefine what a goth is. I guarantee there's probably a spooky, black-clad non-goth that I've followed a makeup or DIY tutorial from, and I think that's wonderful. I love that we have this shared interest, even if we have different taste in music.

We're not trying to be mean when we enforce the one rule to be a goth (there is a second unspoken rule, to not be a bigot, but that's a rule that goes without saying for most groups--please know that when you see a so-called "goth" spewing racist bullshit or other kinds of hatred, the rest of us are NOT in agreement with them and want them evicted from our subculture). We love welcoming new people in, and we love seeing the goth scene thriving. It's just that our subculture means a lot to us, and although fashion is a big part of it, it has always truly been about the music. The music came first (watch old videos of 80's goth clubs--hardly anyone there looks recognizable as a goth today!), and it's the backbone of goth. When you call yourself goth, you're telling fellow goths "we like the same kinds of music." I want to get music recommendations from you, dang it, and share some of mine! I've had so many people insult the music I like and tell me my taste is shit, so it's nice to find someone who likes the same sounds and connects with the same lyrics, you know? Music is the strong glue that holds us together and unites us all. It brought us together in the 80's and has kept us together up until now. So when you try to take that away, to mold the goth label into whatever it takes to fit you because you didn't fit it, that's when we've got a problem.

And if you're into the fashion but don't like goth music now, do not despair, because that doesn't mean you'll never be a goth! Give it a listen. Check out different subgenres and bands. You might like what you hear. Synth and EBM were what bridged the gap for me. I started off being super into the fashion, but would be hard-pressed to name a goth band other than Bauhaus or Siouxsie and the Banshees. I was listening to Halloween Vocaloid songs and Lady Gaga, for the most part. I tried a few goth rock songs and didn't like them. And then I found The Birthday Massacre, and suddenly, those goth rock songs didn't sound so bad anymore. They sounded beautiful, atmospheric, ethereal, melancholy in a way you can still dance to. It wasn't long before I was devouring every subgenre of goth music I could get my hands on and making an ever-growing list of bands to check out and songs I liked. I was digging goth music like a grave, and all it took was a band that fit somewhere in the middle of the upbeat, techno dance-worthy music I was used to, the spooky lyrics I liked, and a gothy sound that got me craving more. Sometimes that's all it takes. Goth music is noticeably different from other genres, and hearing the unfamiliar sometimes results in dislike. It's an acquired taste for some, kind of like coffee, but once you get into it, you'll wonder how you even hated it at all in the first place.

Goth is my home, my family, and although I welcome all who show an interest, there's a difference between someone who actually wants to get involved in the subculture and those who wear a mask so they can pretend to be because they like the sound of the label, the allure, how cool it makes them feel, and insist they must be goth and all who tell them otherwise are just elitists. We call those people "poseurs," friend--don't be like them. If goth music just isn't for you, but you love the fashion, that's cool. Just don't call yourself "goth" if you're not a fan of goth music, since that's what the word means in the first place.

#so this unexpectedly turned into a rant #but I've seen some nonsense recently and it's annoying so--#goth #gothgoth #goth subculture #goth music #goth rant

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mlmxreader · 4 months

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let's talk about konigsblog. like, seriously.

if you're in the COD fandom, you probably already know exactly who they are and what level of depravity and disgust that they engage in. so let's talk about it.

for those who don't know: konigsblog routinely writes rape and pseudo-incest fic and tries to brush it off as "dark fic" and as "dead dove", whilst simultaneously trying to negate and undermine the experiences of irl survivors of incest, rape and other abuses by claiming that bc they're writing fiction, it's fine. anyone with a brain worth 2 pence can tell you that their excuses are bullshit and that they're just a fetisher who doesn't actually give a shit about the people who are genuinely hurt by such disgusting material.

now. I write dark fic routinely, I have written about topics such as trauma, heavy gore, serial killing, etc. what makes dark fic dark is the fact that it is about a topic of which you would expect in something akin to a horror film or a horror novel - something like the Dexter Morgan novel series or Thomas Harris' Red Dragon trilogy. dark fic is not, and never will be, the promotion, fetishisation and romanticisation of rape, incest, and pedophilia. the usage of "dark fic" within those circles is merely to avoid accountability and to avoid any and all criticism.

konigsblog thinks that they cannot be held accountable, as they're writing fiction, but when you look at genuinely dark novels from across the spectrum, you can see that they're nothing like whatever abhorrent fiction that konigsblog write. let me give you some examples:

in the Red Dragon trilogy by Thomas Harris, Mason Verger (an incestuous pedophilic rapist) is never written to be seen as someone who is desirable or whose actions are anything but disgusting. Hannibal Lecter (a cannibalistic serial killer) even says this openly several times that Verger is, essentially, a piece of shit.

in American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis, Patrick Bateman (a misogynistic, homophobic, racist serial killer who sexually assaults several women before killing them) is never written to be seen as someone who you want to be near or want to know. he is written as a depraved, disgusting, human being, and is treated accordingly - the novel is written from his POV, but Ellis makes it clear that his actions are VILE.

in Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, the male lead (a pedophilic rapist) is routinely written in a way of which makes audiences DESPISE him and his actions as much as they do his ideology and his thought processes surrounding a child. Nabokov makes it clear that rape and pedophilia are something that should be condemned and can NEVER be something romantic or appealing in the slightest. (side note: Nabokov was a piece of shit who wanted Russia to colonise Ukraine, so he wasn't exactly a good guy anyway)

in The 120 Days of Sodom, Marquis De Sade makes it clear that the rapists and pedophiles within the novel are awful people and he makes it explicit in their actions as well as the way of which they speak; you are not supposed to side with them, or to feel anything except disgust and horror that someone can commit such atrocious acts without having a second thought. the rape scenes are written to PURPOSEFULLY make you (the reader) feel disgust and to feel hatred for these characters.

do you see the difference?

dark novels surrounding topics such as pedophilia, rape and incest are written in a way of which does NOT condone these actions and does NOT treat them as desirable or as material used for one to masturbate to. whereas what konigsblog writes is explicitly written to be the opposite - its written to be desirable, to be something that you (the reader) should find attractive and WANT, it's written for you to masturbate to.

how abhorrent can you be that you would sit there and try to condone such vile and depraved writings? how apathetic towards your fellow man can you be to engage with this?

and there's no point in saying "Well, don't like, don't read" - no. because this is genuinely harmful material of which promotes and fetishises the most abhorrent and morally bankrupt acts known to mankind. this is genuinely harmful, its not a kink that people aren't into and is tagged properly (bc konigsblog RARELY tags accordingly), it is taking the WORST thing that can happen to somebody and turning it into pornography.

if you engage with or even support konigsblog, you do not support or care for rape, incest and abuse survivors - you do not. and don't try and pretend that you do. so many survivors routinely, openly and honestly, talk about how rape pornography, especially in fanfiction circles, is abhorrent and should NEVER be celebrated, engaged with, or supported - and its a travesty that we have to keep doing it and we have to keep saying "no, stop it, this is harmful".

if konigsblog continues to produce these works, and continues to improperly tag and continues to expose these themes as desirable and attempts to normalise this - it is going to hurt people. it is going to cause someone to actually get hurt.

I'm gonna tag a couple of mutuals in this, if only so that they can add their 2 pennies as well; @mockerycrow @kivino

#call of duty #cod

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doberbutts · 7 months

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he's already pointed out the post himself, where he said that it wouldn't be right for israelis to move to america because it's also colonised land- but the way he phrased it was as if it was an afterthought, a footnote, to the more important fact that america is an antisemitic country, and also as though the colonisation of america has already been "completed" and is not also still being actively fought against. personally i felt like it was a little tokenising and insensitive, NOT purposeful or deserving of bigotry in response, but like, that's the thing with microaggressions? they're very small and it's easy to dismiss them as unimportant when you're not on the receiving end. and a lot of indigenous people are on edge right now, for reasons he should understand- because there's just as much anti-native sentiment flying around as antisemitism right now, and i wish there was some care taken in these conversations for our sake, even if it is just small things

While as a black and indigenous person myself I understand that those microaggressions are incredibly frustrating, I also want you to consider that you're upset at an autistic person about phrasing of all things and you're trying to tell me the correct response to an autistic person having maybe clumsy phrasing (a common problem with autism!) is to go on a multi-post rant about how terrible of a person they are instead of just being like. "Hey. I get it. I also think your phrasing sucks btw." And then being mad when said person goes "HEY" in response to the multi-post rant.

And I understand that maybe you don't have the relationship with him to feel comfortable doing that but like. I have absolutely poked various blogs that I genuinely like and enjoy and want to read their posts about their phrasing, and they have all gone "oh shit I didn't know" and fixed their phrasing. Not everyone is out to get you. We can always block those who go "no fuck you I MEANT IT" after all.

As I just said to someone else, we are all traumatized by bigotry and oppression. None of us are unharmed by it. Let us show a little solidarity among us and fix our issues with grace, because, as you said, it probably wasn't intentional, and he probably didn't realize it because for him the more pressing issue is antisemitism. Of course it is, he's literally Jewish? I think the most pressing issue in my life is antiblackness because it's mainly only other Natives who recognize me as Native without me having to bring it up. That means I might not realize if I've said something or phrased something in a way that is insensitive to someone who has lived a more Native experience than me. That's okay. I'm allowed to be wrong. As long as I strive to fix it and do better when it's pointed out to me.

I think that's worlds apart from a, ahem, racist sycophant.

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weaselle · 2 months

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my mother, bless her soul, is a genuinely good person who has literally saved many lives, but she does not understand what internalized bigotry is.

like she'll say "i'm so glad you kids didn't turn out to be racist" and I'll try to explain why that's wrong (i am racist, actually, and worse, i am racist in ways i don't recognize because i was so smothered in racism by my culture that there are parts of me that are racist but don't register as racist to myself when i think those thoughts or do those things, and the MOST important part of changing that about myself is knowing that it's true) but she just doesn't get it

so i'll have conversations like that one i just had, where she's like "i don't mind gay people" (which is true, right, she is totally good with gay people when they are a human person in front of her existing as a human who is gay) "BUT i don't like how all the TV shows i watch are turning into shows that are basically all gay people now".

smh. Like, c'mon ma, i know you're better than this. Be better than this.

and i was like "okay name a show" and she named a law enforcement show (whole other problem) and i was like "how many main characters are there" and she was like "about twelve" and i was all "okay probably about half of them are men?" and she was all "yeah" and i'm like "okay the, whatever, chief character, that's probably a man right, is he straight or gay" and she was like "straight" and i was like "alright and there's probably a tough guy character is he straight or gay" and he was straight and we established that it was half straight guys and half gay guys

so then she's like "but i don't like how in my face it is there's all these sex scenes" and i was like "okay so the sex senes are all gay sex?" and she's like "no but there's so much sex now and these shows used to be about the who done it and the action" and i'm like "okay so your issue is there's just, too much sex in the show" and she's like "yeah!" and i was all "okay so that's not a gay issue that's a sexual content issue, you should probably not conflate those two things" and she was like "but there's so much gay stuff" ...

(please keep in mind this is a woman who would take in a gay runaway cousin without a second thought, votes for candidates that support gay rights, etc, she really is a mostly good person, she's just a product of her generation and doesn't understand things like intersectionalism and internalization or see how problematic this point of view she's having is)

anyway we go round and round like this and she's getting more and more agitated because she wants to say she's bothered by gay lifestyles being featured on TV shows she likes, but she doesn't want to admit that this is a homophobic reaction, and since it's impossible to say those two contradictory positions are simultaneously true i'm easily making it impossible for her to justify.

Finally when i can tell she's had enough and will take any out offered, i tell her "i'm just saying, it can be easy to feel like a normal amount of gay representation is an unreasonable amount when what you are used to is none." and walked out the door. Hopefully that gets through to her.

But it's frustrating how many fundamentally good people there are who are still part of the problem because they've spent so long equating bigotry to pure evil that they can't contemplate the possibility that they, a good person, have bigoted thoughts and reactions to things.

And it's difficult to keep having these conversations (which i feel are necessary to have if we are to change as a society) when every time you try to explain it they react like you are calling them literally Evil Bad People.

but you gotta. you just gotta

#my life

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thelikesoffinn · 2 years

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Billy Hargrove was not irredeemable.

This boy needed help. He needed someone to show him that life was not just pain and suffering, that there was more once you break through years of abuse.

And I'm not talking as a sappy fan here, but as a licensed social worker.

Without a doubt, this bitch would have been my favourite client. He already IS my favourite client.

Now, would it be hard to work with him?

Fuck yeah.

He would Rebel against anything I say, he would try to intimidate me and keep me far away, he would most definitely be rude as fuck and make fun of most things that leave my mouth. And he would flip his shit hard whenever I touch any subject he doesn't want to talk about.

On bad days, days where he was beaten and abused again, he would be an absolute menace. He would probably throw chairs and tables around, start fist fights with the other kids in my group and just be a proper pain in my arse.

So yes, Billy hargrove would be difficult. Especially in the beginning.

But that's what abused kids do.

They want you to stay the fuck away from them. Because all they know is pain. They've been hurt so much, that they can't believe it's not normal. That not every one is out to hurt them. Because people don't care for them. They don't care about them.

Social workers are "in it for the money" anyway. They don't give a shit, much less about them. Much less about kids like Billy.

Good things don't happen to them.

Good people don't just stumble into their lives.

Because nothing good ever does.

But you know what kids like Billy also do? What I've seen so many times at my job, working with troubled youths?

I've seen kids like Billy Hargrove beam at compliments. At genuine compliments, compliments that aren't used to get them to do something. They dead arse break a grin so wide it blinds you, despite not wanting to.

I've seen them get glassy eyes when you welcome them and tell them you're happy to see them around. Because they feel appreciated, like them being there is a good thing.

I've seen them slowly opening up, once they realise that I'm not going anywhere and that I, in fact, actually care about their well being.

I've seen them go all soft and huggy because they crave warmth and kindness. They crave what they never get at home.

I've seen kids have fun, fun that they've never been allowed to have at home. They are the older siblings, the only providers. They carry responsibilities the shouldn't have to carry at home. But with my colleagues and I, they don't. They can be themselves and have fun. Being silly, being young and being genuinely happy because they are allowed to be.

Just imagine Billy breaking an involuntary grin because you tell him how neat his camaro looks, all clean and shiny today.

Imagine him getting flustered when you tell him how nice it is to have him back with the group while you pass along some sweets or whatever.

Respect and responsibility? My arse. Everyone get the waterballoons, we'll have a fight. And we all know Billy would hold back at first, pretend it's stupid, before ambition hits and the kid tries to be the last dry one standing. he's laughing with the other kids, dripping wet by the end of it. And he enjoys it massively.

How he suddenly allows other people to pat his back, hug him or bump his hips. How he actually starts liking it, touch starved as the boy likely is.

Now imagine Billy Hargroves face once he realises that he doesn't have to scare people away because whatever his dad taught him was bullshit. That he really doesn't need to repeat any of the homophobic or racist slurs Neil threw around ever again because he doesn't believe them anyway.

So yes, Billy Hargrove was not irredeemable. He was not. He was a boy that needed work, definitely, but he was far FAR from being a lost cause.

Billy was just a poor eighteen year old boy that needed warmth and softness. That needed a chance to learn that people cared, truly cared, about him like no one in fucking Hawkins ever did. Not his father, not Susan, not Max.

Billy needed one person who understood him, cared for him and taught him that life was more than pain and suffering.

And its fucking bullshit that he never got to meet that person because killing him was easier.

No, he was not irredeemable and everyone who says he was just chooses the easy road. Because seeing and accepting layers is so much harder than saying he's a piece of shit, am I right?

#billy hargrove #stranger things #billy stranger things #billy needs a hug #billy needs help #get my boy a social worker #fuck neil hargrove #billy x platonic!reader #billy hargrove appreciation #justice for billy hargrove #billy x reader #last one is just for the attention #a penny for my thoughts #billy hargrove cuddles #we love our boy

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olderthannetfic · 3 months

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While we're on the topic of Mainstream Publishing Discourse...

There's a lot of discussion about how a lot of sci-fi/fantasy written by women and especially WOC that is not YA gets miscategorized as YA on Goodreads and other sites like that. And sure, sometimes it's unfair and just misogynistic/racist. Like, no one should be calling NK Jemisin's writing "YA."

But sometimes you get writers who will make that argument about where you're like.... okay, the reason people keep thinking you're YA is because of actual features of your writing that are similar to YA. Like if R.F. Kuang (she's the one I feel like gets complained about the most lately and I recently read Poppy War and Babel and agree with the complaints) wants to stop being seen as YA, she could maybe learn to have enough faith in her readers to not feel like she has to mention the moral of the story - that is already obvious from every other feature of the story - explicitly spelled out like 50x. She also seems to assume that her reader will disagree with her unless she does that, which is a strange thing to conclude about "colonialism bad" which I don't think anyone who is picking up Babel and reading the description on it is going to go in thinking the opposite of! And that is what makes it feel like YA: because so much YA is designed as intros to "serious issues" for teens that writers assume don't pick up on that stuff without explicitly being told (which I think is a bit insulting to teens, but whatever, it is the genre convention and it is why by 15 I was already reading books for grown-ups in both my free time and my classes). You don't NEED to do that and if you didn't, way fewer people would think your books are YA!

Or like Erin Morgenstern, you'll be seen as YA less if you were able to construct a coherent plot and characterization and didn't instead seem to be going entirely on aesthetics and vibes. Or like Casey McQuiston, whose books absolutely do read like YA books that just have more explicit, fanficcy sex scenes in it. You cannot be shocked people think of Red White and Royal Blue that way when it has such a YA-tastic romance premise that there have been multiple actual YA books since that were blatant rip-offs of it.

I also saw a post about how a lot of these books seem to be set in things like "magical boarding school" or focus on teen protagonists and like, yeah, I feel like in general if your books keep focusing on teenagers in a very similar to way books written FOR teenagers, you can't be shocked that people keep thinking they're YA. Of course there are books about teens that are for adults, but they are usually approached in a very different way with different plots.

Anyway, I do wish people would stop assuming that books that are clearly not YA "are YA" because they are sci-fi/fantasy written by women, because it just makes it that much harder to talk about the ones that really do feel like YA in ways where the authors should probably take that criticism to heart a little bit more. Someone like Kuang clearly does want to be writing for a more adult-litfic-style audience, and should probably listen to the people telling her that her books are too didactic in a way that feels insulting to people who aren't BookTok YA readers.

I tried to bring that up to my book club though when we read Poppy War and one person wouldn't stop shouting me down about how it's "just sexism and racism." And I had to keep shouting back, dude, yeah, I know that's what the discourse is. I know that's why writers like this can brush that off. I'm saying though that in this case, I think some of it's warranted based on how *the book is actually written*

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queermania · 1 year

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I think you should get into the Jackles and Chaos Machine of it all (this is a sincere request)

so the thing is that jensen has said/done some genuinely hurtful things in the past and i don't begrudge anyone who has felt or continues to feel hurt by that. that's perfectly valid. BUT the narrative that he is this insidious homophobe who is not-so-secretly disgusted by gay people is not only deeply annoying, but actively harmful.

this is a man who has taken very obvious steps to grow and become a better ally. is he always the most eloquent with his words? no, he is not. but to me actions speak way louder than words and what we know about his actions are that he 1. is lovely and open and accepting to queer fans who tell them how much dean and destiel mean to them. 2. is vocally supportive of the queer community and queer causes and most importantly 3. created an entire production company with a mission statement to uplift diverse stories and creators and is actually doing that.

the winchesters has two (probably straight) white characters that are what they are by virtue of their origin and there's nothing we can do about that but almost every other character has been a person of color with interiority and nuance and a backstory and a life outside of john and mary. like, there are two interracial romantic pairings already and neither of them include a white person and we're only on episode six.

and we have queer characters!!! queer characters who are not reduced to their sexuality or shoehorned in for the sake of diversity while meaning absolutely nothing to the plot/story!!! they matter. and we've got quotes from the creative team about how even if the language wasn't there at the time, those people existed and their stories deserve to be told!!! like. y'all can make all the jokes you want about homophobic texas christian boy jensen ackles who hasn't said dean wants to shove his tongue in cas' mouth so he must hate gay people.... but the man is out here hiring queer creatives and uplifting their voices and getting their pronouns right and being fucking normal about it unlike y'all who somehow manage to have the most insanely biphobic and acephobic takes while supposedly defending queer people and that means so much more to me than his opinion on a ship that he has zero control over.

like. if you can't get over the hurtful things he's said in the past, that's fine. there's no judgement from me on that front. but please don't pretend like they are indicative of what he is currently doing and please don't pretend like you actually care about the problems that supernatural had if you're out here disparaging the winchesters every time you even look in the spn-universe's direction without ever having watched the show (especially if you're saying you refuse to watch the winchesters because spn was racist/homophobic/whatever.... but are still watching spn?? like?? WHAT?). the show that jensen put his creative heart and soul into is actively working to fix the things you supposedly hated about spn and your hottest take is that it still sucks because jensen doesn't have a perfect track record? wow, cool. i hope the view is nice from up there on your high horse where you can't even see the people you're claiming to stand up for.

#replies #anonymous #jackles #mp #wank for ts

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rhaenin-time · 25 days

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So, as a native on the internet, this happens every so often in a similar vain, and it's gotten me thinking — and wanting to answer it for anyone else wondering. But first, I'll share an example of a conversation (with permission).

Asker: Can I ask you a question?

Me: sure

Asker: You are native american, right? I don't know if asking this is super offensive (tell me if it is), but what tribe (is that the right word?) are you a part of?

Me: Oh that's not offensive at all. If someone ever tells you that they're "native american" or Indigenous and gets offended at the question or refuses to tell you, that's a red flag. In Canada we tend to either just ask where you're from, or use the word "nation." In the US I think the word "tribe" is a lot more common.

*I'll add an addendum (not part of the conversation) that in an anonymous situation someone might choose not to share because they worry it's too specific — especially if they're from a smaller nation — and could risk doxing. But it's not an 'offensive' question.

Me Again: I'm Cree-Michif. It's actually a little complicated to explain without a background of Canadian history and politics, because there's kind of a misconception that Michif/Métis just means "mixed." But it's just a nation/power structure that formed after the Europeans started to colonize, but before Western Canada was fully colonized.

*ie before "Canada" advanced westward, before smallpox and several epidemics and willful destruction of the environment and food supply enabled that advancement, several overlapping Indigenous multi-national (you might think, "multi-tribal") confederations ruled Western "Canada" and controlled trade with Europeans long after colonial powers would have you believe settlers "owned" and controlled said land.

My overexplaining ass again: But my family is based in a community where you get Métis (Michif), [redacted nation because the combination is too specific], and Cree in close proximity so to avoid confusion I say Cree-Michif so people know I have no [redacted nation] connections. Nations are complicated lol

*another addendum not in conversation: In my case where you're family is both Cree (I won't elaborate on the particular type of Cree because that does get a little too specific for the scary white part of the internet that could put this information together) or another First Nation and Michif, you tend to identify by your political identity/citizenship. Which for me right now is Michif but that might well change to [redacted type of] Cree as more and more past exclusionary laws are repealed (complicated). For many people in certain parts of Canada, the difference between being a member of a "First Nation" or Métis is whether your great great (possibly further) grandparents were enrolled into a "First Nation" and relocated to a reserve (sometimes consisting of multiple nations at that), or "compensated" with scrip (complicated) and fated to join what I'll semi-affectionately call the Métis Road Trash. It's more complicated than that of course but I'm trying to keep it as simple as I can.

Poor Asker who didn't know what they were getting into: Well, I definitely don't have a 10 in Canadian story. Or that class at all.

Me: haha probably not because it's intentional disinformation on Canada's part

"What was that about?" you might ask.

Well, I notice this issue comes up a lot around circles not exposed to "Native Americans." I use that term for the sake of recognition. In a formal setting typically "Indigenous" works if you're talking in a broad sense, but the problem is that it often has a broader interpretation than "Indigenous to North America." Both work in a pinch, though they might come off a little awkward in the wrong situation they won't come off as rude. "Native" kind of gets a bad reputation because of the way racists will use it, but honestly it's the term most natives are comfortable using in informal settings when not referring to a specific nation (see, I even did it there) and "Indigenous" comes off as a little too formal or awkward. But if you're an "outsider" to the subject it's still probably the safest term. Just don't say "Indian." Some natives from the older generations and certain... (subcultures? I want to say?) will use it but it's specific to those contexts. "Indigenous" works fine most times with the occasional "Native American" if you need to get more specific. Even if you're talking about natives in Canada. "Aboriginal" kind of works but it's really fallen out of favour and these days it's more associated with Australia.

Where was I? Right. The colonial powers deliberately under-educate and misinform the world about the matter and I find people are unsure of how to approach it.

So I prefer to compartmentalize my various online activities and so usually keep my real world politics to my real identity, and the politics I can’t do there to… somewhere else. But I have an interesting, diverse reach here not only of people I probably wouldn’t ordinarily engage with, but of people who might not normally engage with or be educated on the subject.

And I do feel like people are often scared to ask questions they worry that, out of ignorance, might come off as “stupid” or racist. But those are also often the questions on people’s minds…

I end up in situations a lot, be it voluntary or accidental, formally and informally, where I'm designated the educator on “native matters” to an assortment of people, even international groups. Moreso than other natives because I tend to operate in more international environments, am formally educated on the matter, and... I’m on the whiter side of the “racially ambiguous” spectrum and for some reason people in general seem to trust my ability to speak “objectively” on the matter than they might otherwise. Can’t imagine why…

So I figured this might be good practice for real life, for anticipating and preparing for those questions people might be afraid to ask.

So I'm starting a sideblog where the anon asks are enabled. Where people can ask whatever "stupid" question regarding Indigeneity has been on their minds. Keep in mind that I am one person with one citizenship with one experience, and I obviously don't speak for all natives, or even all of my nation. But I do have a lot of experience, and knowledge of other experiences, that I reflect on. And I'd call myself knowledgeable and pretty (formally and informally) educated on a lot of matters related to colonization to the point where it makes people uncomfortable — always a good sign.

So what can you ask? Pretty much anything regarding the general concept of Indigeneity as pertains to North America. I'm sure I'll get more specific later on but for now I'm just starting out informally

For example:

my experience or "qualifications" (that I'll explain as specifically as I feel comfortable on the internet. I'll probably also make my own post about it pretty soon)

fictional portrayals

history

terminology

"appropriate" language

"stupid" questions you were too afraid to ask

Some I'll answer in my own opinion, in my experience, to my knowledge, and/or according to my research. I'll try to make it clear which one I speak from.

Again, starting informally. Start off little by little, see what people want to know. And maybe we'll get into some deep dives that I can actually use in real life.

!!! My One Boundary

I'm going to be coming at this in good faith because again, I don't want people to worry about their questions sounding racist. Which means that, to the point where I can be sure the racism is unintentional (don't worry, you won't cross that line by mistake) I'm going to be answering in good faith. Intentional racism will be mocked and debunked accordingly, unless I simply lose the patience and choose to ignore it.

So since I'm already going to be extending my patience a lot in the interest of educating and debunking colonial myths, I am not interested in over-extending it for fandom war gamergate 2.0 nonsense.

The anon option is only for questions regarding Indigeneity. It is not for your fandom war bullshit. It is not a way to reach me after I decided you were annoying or troubling or simply did not have the patience for your nonsense and blocked you. I disable anons here for the same reason I block — I am not interested and I do not have the patience. I know that some of you are reading this because I know that some of you are obsessed. So let me make this clear: if you abuse a tool meant to prepare me to educate others in real life about colonization and Indigeneity, and to educate people here who are interested, you're being a fucking racist.

I know better than most just how much fiction — and popular interpretations of fiction — shape our reality and serve to either challenge or reinforce underlying biases. I find it distasteful enough that a story about the patriarchy has been twisted the way that it has by playing into the bothsidesism and contrarianism that hbo encouraged for profit and is one of the things they’re going to hell for. I reserve the right to choose not to engage with the circles dependent on justifying, denying, and outright endorsing an assortment of bigoted mindsets through, of all things, Catholic-flavoured victim-reversal. No. Take that shit elsewhere. Bury it to be safe.

You can ask me questions about my personal and/or educated opinion on fictional portrayals of Indigeneity or colonialism, including the worldbuilding of ASoIaF. But I repeat, this is not a channel for you to whine to me about your fandom nonsense. I'm coming into this with an extremely open attitude (as open as I can manage at least), and this is the boundary I'm setting. If you cross it by sending shit to waste my patience that I've chosen to extend for completely different reasons, you will not like what I do with it. That threat may sound vague, but my planned course of action is not.

It is so sad that I needed to write that, but I did. And it probably didn't work. But at least I get to be mad about it when it doesn't. And that's what's important.

Anyways... back to the asks!

If it’s a general question, maybe include where you’re from what your education was like. So I can get a sense of how different people are educated on the matter. And ask away! Don't worry if it's not answered right away. Like I said, I'm starting off slowly and informally, with different kinds of answers, sitting on some asks for awhile, until I find a groove.

You can follow/ask me at ask-a-native!

(And I'll likely be reblogging answers here as well. How much depends on how much fandom nonsense ends up funneling through)

#ndn #native american #indigenous #indigenous peoples #first nations #indigenous history

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markheathcliff1 · 2 months

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Just gotta say some things rn

1. The Alex kister drama situation:

im just here to talk about the Alex drama that is happening rn I keep seeing people attacking Alex without knowing who is the real victim... You can't just blow up the target before knowing the truth behind... As you can tell Ven said in the doc that they are "a spy who came to destroy alex life" and that's a bit suspicious of someone to say that in the doc so you mean like you just came here to destroy alex career and life is that what you want?... If that so then you are a fucking monster Ven just gotta say it you're a horrible person who destroy people life and if you are one of their friends you should be ashamed of what they did

2. The drama:

I have seen some people doing the fucking "grommer nae nae" trend with Alex and it's not funny and another thing saying "Alex in my new jail!" And putting him in a jail with a problematic people is not fucking funny ok you seriously not funny another thing when that goofy Russian person who just made a horrible Photoshop of Alex wearing a shit thing and saying "b-but I still call him a fembo-" your not cool for that do you like me calling you a brat when you don't want that mf stop being selfish 💀

3. exposed/doxxed:

buddy buddy do you really think that's a really good idea to do?... I don't fucking think it's cool to do that shit buddy exposing/ doxxing has family and dead grandpa or something is cool? You think it will make it not worse? No you litterly made it even worse then before he litterly got ghosted by DB and they we're a bad partner for him honestly what a horrible people....

4. why Alex didn't mentions the other victims:

Bc they weren't that important DB and Ven are the most important people bc they are the reason that ruined Alex life and he had to mention some things about it and how they really didn't feel uncomfortable...like bro if you we're uncomfortable you can just say it and Alex will probably just fucking stop it don't you have mind you litterly said "no I'm fine with it I'm not uncomfortable!" DB said that to Alex and Ven when he self-haram you didn't actually care we know that

5. Alex being racist but he's not:

Buddy please what the frick man? You litterly faked Alex being racist just for your goofy friend and do you think SORRY WILL litterly fix everything? No no no YOU RUIN IT EVEN MORE AND MAKE IT WORSE DUMMY Alex never said racist things to Andrew and you litterly saying I'm the doc "I don't have proof" but guess what some people actually believe that shit like what THERE WAS LITTERLY NO PROOF????

6. why the doc is fake:

ok here is why the doc is fake just honestly Ven had just faked some images and times and hopefully there were some people who find out about it don't think your not in w big trouble Ven you in a worse trouble rn your just a coward Ven and you you know that

7. More drama:

"quite saying Alex is innocent!" "Alex is not fully innocen-" ok buddy we know Alex is not fully innocent but what the hell you want else "you can't forgive him ye-" buddy please stop this is not about you some people can forgive him and some people not but now he turned out to be innocent and guilty and he's now the real victim here he have been doxxed/ghosted/exposed/people send him death threats/all the actors left him just for what? For a fucking relationship drama like what else you want you want him to go to Ven house and beg for apologize what's wrong with you... "I will support Alex victims until I di-" who cares if you die it's not like the victims will care if you support them bc they just want attention

8. Problematic/grommer:

do you guys remember when Ven said that Alex is a grommer and a pedophile? Well he's not actually vent has deleted the post they made on tumble like it was nothing and then apologize for calling Alex a grommer and saying "we never mean Alex being grommer or pedophile" then why you said in the doc that he is pedo and manipulate then it turns out he's not? Crazy Ven you know people have fall for that shit weirdo

- I just want this drama to end already and idc if you attack me it's not like I'm the only person who is on Alex side mf I ain't scared of no shit let us have the fun we always do I feel like this year destroy everything I hole everything get back to normal again

#alex kister #the mandela catalogue #mandela catalouge fanart #mark heathcliff #alex kister drama #drama

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epithetical · 5 months

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2024 UPDATE (OFFICIAL)

Hey, everyone. Longtime no talk. Despite being weirdly active on this account, I haven't really made any textposts since high school. So I've decided to fix this by giving a gigantic update post about my very busy 2023. If you're new and don't know anything about me, or knew me as a teen and are wondering what I'm up to now: buckle up.

TL;DR:

Dropped out of art school. Released an award-nominated(???) dating sim, ValiDate. Killed the Golden Girls Take Manhattan DX. Conquered Jaw Explosion Disease. Hung out with some friends. (Also, a lot of NDA shit that I can’t talk about.)

ART-SCHOOL DROPOUT

From 2021 to 2022, I was attending a prestigious and overly-expensive art school for their (brand new!) game design program. When I first graduated from high school, this college was my dream choice, and coming off the success of my early game dev career, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to polish my skills while I kept working on the side. My first commercial game was still in development, but we were feeling comfortable, and I felt like getting greedy.

Pride before the fall. Full Icarus mode. You know how it goes.

The school itself was…alright. Satellite campus, mid-pandemic, hybrid learning. Close enough to commute comfortably, classes just long enough for masks to not give me a headache, and the handful of remote courses helped keep my medical problems at bay. Problems that the school was a little unequipped to help with, though the disability office did their best. I had to drop a class because my body, at the time, couldn’t handle eight hours of classes without some Crazy Side Effects.

(Keep in mind that every class was, minimum, four hours. And I had to take at least five a semester. Each class also saw me make an entire game from scratch. My body was already at its limit.)

If you knew me in high school, you’re probably waiting for the shoe to drop: I was, famously, the worst at academics. Never did homework, rarely finished projects, slept through first period at least once a week. Surprise, though: I was fucking great at this. My GPA doubled. Turns out that going to school for a discipline you already have a career in, and are kinda obsessed with, kinda does wonders for you. Unfortunately, I picked the worst time to care about school, since my commercial game’s release was the same exact night that my five school games were due.

TL;DR, I didn’t sleep for a week, almost fucked both up, and got burnout so bad that I couldn’t do anything for a calendar year. So I dropped out! Now, about a year of job hunting later (the game’s industry is imploding right now, and the only studios that considered me were… questionable, to say the least), the expensive art school wants me back. So badly. Turns out the whole school is so broke and understaffed right now that they’re basically chomping at the bit for that tuition money. Got a week to decide. Jury’s still out.

VALIDATE POST-MORTEM

So, if you couldn’t tell from the above section, we released a game in 2022! I was supposed to write a post-mortem for it, but… burnout from the above, combined with general “post-release depression,” and I didn’t feel like touching it.

Part of me still doesn’t!

Yet I kinda think the feeling of me not wanting to talk about ValiDate is still worth discussing, so here we go:

For those of you that aren’t aware, I was a head dev on ValiDate, a dating sim that released in 2022. Volume 1 (of 3) did, anyway.

Did a lot of music, did a lot of writing, created some characters people really care about, created some characters people really want to fuck, made a couple Tweets that my boss hated, got accused of being reverse racist a few times. It was truly one of the most exciting and rewarding experiences of my life. And, yes, we’re still working on Vol. 2 behind the scenes.

That’s actually the reason why it’s kinda hard to talk about Vol. 1!

It was my first commercial game, my first publicly released game, and I think there’s always gonna be a… natural embarrassment toward your first “real” project. Combine that with my natural “if you stare at me for too long, I will kill myself” tendencies, and the game’s release was a special type of torture. It’s one thing to watch people play through a game that you poured your blood, sweat, and tears into, knowing full well that they might hate it (or just misunderstand it), but shit gets so much worse when you know that you could have done better.

It’s a very special kind of psychological torture to have creative decisions you feel were mistakes, things you half-assed because of burnout or deadlines, or things you did wrong because you just didn’t know any better! The embarrassment was overwhelming, so I just… dipped for a while. Didn’t watch gameplay or read reviews, didn’t do much of anything.

Took me a while to realize that me being embarrassed about the project isn’t because ValiDate was bad or anything. I was embarrassed because it was an incredible learning opportunity for me. The amount that I picked up on game design, community management, leadership, marketing, pitching, porting, etc. in two years is more than any school could teach you in four. Volume 1 was a game made by amateurs, still wet behind the ears, trying to build something from grassroots.

But Volume 2 is a game-ass game.

And having done all the work we have on Vol. 2 (which, while I can’t talk about it publicly, is a lot!), looking back at our first release feels like… revisiting your awkward middle school photos. Sometimes it’s hard to not feel contempt for who you were when your biggest struggle was becoming, but learning to choke down that shame? It taught me to feel grateful for the you of yesterday, who clawed their way through uncertainty so that you, today, can stand on sturdier ground. Growing up is embarrassing, and it turns out you keep doing it well into your twenties! Sucks.

For the past few days, Dani and I have been watching a Twitch streamer play through Volume 1. We’ve been so deep in planning for the future that we figured, hey, may as well revisit the past. Detached from all that embarrassment of becoming, I gotta admit: we made a fun little dating sim. People like it. Hell, I like it. Sure, I know all of its flaws and shortcuts, and I have my fair share of critiques… but fact of the matter is, if I have a problem with something, I can just fix it.

Admittedly, In the past, that attitude of mine has actually been more of a problem than a solution. “I can fix this myself!” is all fine and good when you’re a solo dev trying to throw something together, but it turns out taking on excess responsibility in a collaborative setting is a way to make shit suck for you and your team. During the Kickstarter demo era, I was literally on every team besides art. Writing, programming, music, I got my fingers in all those pies. It was fun to me, and more importantly, it was sustainable.

Until it wasn’t.

Volume 1 coinciding with my tenure at [art school], using a (finicky and, frankly, shitty) new game engine, being much larger in scope, introducing minigames (which, surprise, I was team lead on)... I pretty much killed myself trying to get it all done. Honestly, I blame half of our day-one bugfixes on me specifically. Every single one of them was an oversight made because I was pulling the classic “I’m unmedicated so crunching is the only way I can feel alive” type shit.

Except for the OST. That one sucked because art school sucks all the joy out of creating.

Happy to say that our workflow for Volume 2 has been much more sustainable for me, even if I’ve officially broken my “no art” rule for it. Yeah, turns out I’m finally making use of that animation major. Sucks.

Self reflection over. Except for one last note:

If you’ve followed ValiDate, played our demo, donated to the Kickstarter, replied to our Tweets, played our second demo, bought our game, or just talked about us to a friend… I am so, so grateful. Beyond what words could possibly describe. It’s been my dream for as long as I can remember become a game developer, and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you guys. Vd8 wasn’t what I expected the cornerstone of my career to be, but honestly? I couldn’t have asked for a better one. We have Vriska in our game. How many people can possibly say that?

And to those of you still waiting for Volume 2:

You haven’t seen anything yet.

GAYMING AWARDS

Speaking of ValiDate… Did you hear we were nominated for some Gayming Awards last year? We were!

Three other head Vd8 devs (Dani: Production, Alexis: Art, Cam: Code) flew out to beautiful New York City for the award show last March, which was actually our first time actually meeting up IRL. Really funny how I’ve known Dani since I was fifteen, but here we were, a decade later, finally meeting face to face. She’s so much taller in person. I’m still taller, but barely.

Meeting up with internet friends is one thing (and more on that later!), but meeting up with internet coworkers? It’s interesting. This was the first moment that ValiDate felt “real,” seeing as it was suddenly important enough to give us comp’d flights and a hotel room, but more than that: the people I’ve been working with for years exist? We’re all hanging out together? We’re wandering through Manhattan all day? We’re eating the most disgusting food at Junior’s in Times Square? We’re trying to figure out what this mystery liquid is? How much did this food cost again? (Seriously, my onion rings were 90% dough and 10% onion.)

While I won’t bore you with the minutiae—I think my friends would prefer the privacy anyway—the entire trip to NYC was fun, exhausting, and a dream-come-true.

Except for that goddamn award show. Jesus CHRIST, what a trainwreck.

No, I’m not saying that just because we lost. We did lose, though. (Personally, I was fine with it, but I also had to travel the least distance to get there. So…) I’m saying that because the entire Gayming Awards industrial complex was, uh, kinda busted this year?

So imagine, you’re us: bunch of twenty-somethings on your Sex and the City shit. Big award show tonight, formal attire. We’re talking high heels, long dresses, full suits, the whole nine yards. Now what do you do in Manhattan? Walk. Sure, we weren’t walking in formal attire the entire time, but it was still a good five blocks to the award center where—wait, what do you mean they relocated the ceremony? The hall they rented is closed for mysterious reasons? Where the hell are we doing the award show?

If you answered “the drag bar where the afterparty was supposed to take place,” congrats, here’s $20. Way further away from our hotel, which meant more walking, and also a way smaller venue with a lot less… formality, let’s say. But we’re young gay people, we don’t care about formalities, who gives a shit! As long as it can seat all of us, then—oh there’s no seating. Ohhhh. Oh! Okay.

I’ll admit, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. There were a handful of couches, VIPs only. Realizing quickly that, oh shit, we’re VIPs, we managed to snag some front-seat couches before any of the pesky old people could. (We’re young! We deserve to sit! You’ve had your entire lives to sit, established games industry people! Let the new generation have a turn!) Unfortunately, when I got up to cash in my free-drink voucher, my seat was stolen by some white lady.

So I sat on the floor.

March 2023. You, sitting at home, have decided to tune into the Gayming Awards “live” on Twitch, curious to see what Britain’s premiere gayming magazine had to say about, uh, esports.

This is important to you.

Fortunately, this year you’re watching a decently shot and scripted award show filmed in a (noticeably claustrophobic) little bar, complete with charming presenters (many of whom are local drag queens) and a myriad of corporate sponsors. You can hardly tell that the entire show was uprooted and moved hours prior!

Yet, for some reason, whenever the cameras cut to the audience… There’s some large man, right in front of the crowd, slumped down on the floor as if he’s bleeding out. With every award given, his clapping grows weaker. The more the camera cuts to him, the more life drains from his body, as if his existence itself is anathema to “gayming.”

Imagine, for a moment, that this man is nominated for an award.

Imagine that he, after a lifetime of potassium deficiency, has been teetering on the edge of a Charlie Horse Reckoning for hours.

Imagine that the microsecond that his game’s name is called as a nominee, the Reckoning begins.

Now imagine a world where he wins that award.

A world where he is forced to stand—from his corpse’s rightful place on the ground!—in front of his peers and superiors, pretending as if he’s not afflicted with a life-ending muscle cramp.

So, yeah. I was pretty fine with losing.

Later, we ditched the “afterparty” to drink at Applebees. (Turns out “green tea shots” don’t have any green tea in ‘em?)

EULOGY FOR THE GOLDEN GIRLS TAKE MANHATTAN DX

Big announcement! I was a team lead on The Golden Girls Take Manhattan DX, a certified Tumblr Gold™ fan-project (by the immortal Grawly) about the eponymous Gold Girls in a Persona-esque parody game!

Slightly bigger announcement! The game got cancelled. Sorry.

Feels a little weird talking about this, since the year-ish I spent working on the game passed in the blink of an eye, and I’m not going to lie and say that I was an instrumental piece of the team or whatever. I was lucky enough to lead a very talented team, and to play with some very fun devtools, but the game was definitely more important to me than I was to it. (Grawly, if by some off-chance you’re reading this, please click off now. You can peek back in at the Jaw Explosion Disease subheader. I promise I’m very nice and respectful.)

I was in high school when I was first made aware of TGGTMDX. My friend group was very into Persona (in the pre-P5 days), and one of our favorite video subgenres was “videogame UI on top of sitcom scenes.” It didn’t take us long to stumble onto early-build footage of TGGTMDX on Tumblr, and what spawned was a years-long fascination. I’d even consider it one of my many… game dev awakenings? The idea that the only thing stopping me from making “American Persona”—one of my many white whales—was commitment to the bit. Just one of the many things that fueled my teenaged suicidal overconfidence.

Speaking of suicidal overconfidence, about a decade later, I was invited to work on the game! Coming fresh off ValiDate, I was desperate for a chance to make a real portfolio piece (visual novels, while popular, will never get you a job), and this sort of opportunity only presents itself once in a lifetime. Fulfilling a teenage dream while furthering your career? What could possibly go wrong!

That makes it seem like there was some explosive drama behind the scenes that ruined everything. Sorry to say that most game cancellations aren’t that exciting, and that this game’s death was by a thousand microscopic cuts. Most of which are not my place to talk about: this game wasn’t my baby, and cancelling it wasn’t my choice to make! Many people worked on this for much, much longer than I even knew how to code, and they deserve to have their feelings prioritized. Whenever that post mortem gets published, I’ll be the first to reblog it, trust me.

Instead, I’d prefer to talk a little about this as being my first real “loss” as a game dev. Certainly not my first project to go under, and I’ve had my fair share of shelved prototypes, but something about this cancellation was… different. Working on your dream project is all fun and games until you feel partially responsible for it dying, y’know? It felt Sisyphean at a point, like trying to dig a hole in the sand with a pitchfork. I would work at the game, and work at the game, but nothing I did felt like it made a dent.

Part of me knew I wasn’t giving it my all, between the school-based burnout (above), jaw explosion disease (below), and ValiDate (omnipresent), it’s not like I could’ve afforded to put more of myself into it. Besides, I was literally a team lead, half my job was telling other people what to do. But the spectre of “you’re not doing enough” was hard to shake. Even when all these other responsibilities ebbed and I could afford to give this game my all, the difference felt minimal.

We spend a lot of time pitying Sisyphus for having to push that boulder uphill over and over, but none of us ask ourselves “could we even move that big fucking rock in the first place?” Apparently, I couldn’t.

I wasn’t the only one that felt that way, it turned out. In fact, pretty much all the friends I made on the project felt the same. If there’s any “real” reason why the project got cancelled, it’s that. No big falling out, Disney didn’t give us a cease and desist, no secret rebrand going on in the background. Just a bunch of lads getting sick of pushing a boulder. Hell, Grawly’s been doing it for a decade. Let him rest.

Not too much rest, though: we’re already working on a different game together (Date Knight: check it out if you haven’t!), and some of us ex-Golden Girls devs have some ideas for what else we can cook up.

For money, this time.

JAW EXPLOSION DISEASE

Probably the biggest “development” of 2023 was my sudden horrible nerve pain in July, which started as a sinus infection on the left side of my face, and soon became a horrific jaw pain. Long after my sinus infection healed, the jaw pain remained, which is a pretty bad hand to draw when a considerable portion of your day is spent “talking,” or “eating.” So, for the back half of 2023, I didn’t do much of either.

Instead, I had to take a considerable amount of ibuprofen, visit one doctor, three dentists, two hospitals, and four oral surgeons to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. The dentists discovered an exposed nerve, caused by wisdom tooth removal complications (sick!), the oral surgeons went “okay, we can fix that,” got me all numbed up. But it turns out that my left jaw is immune to local anesthesia! Thinking this was an infection, they kept putting me on antibiotics over and over in the hopes that it’d suddenly work. Took a note from my childhood dentist explaining that, “no, he’s always been like this” to find a surgeon willing to put me all the way under. (And then, the first time they tried, I woke up in the middle anyway! I got a full refund on the copay, at least.)

Ultimately, I found a very nice surgeon in December that treated me same-day, and did it perfectly, but the damage to my liver from all that ibuprofen was… bad. But it turns out that livers just… regenerate naturally? So, give it a few months, I’ll be at 100%. Hopefully.

OOMFCON

Hilariously, six months after we met up for the Gayming Awards, Dani and Alexis found their way back to NYC for a little combination meet-up/vacation we affectionately titled “Oomfcon 2023.” This time, with bonus friends! Our entire friend server, whose name I’ve been advised not to post publicly, had rented an AirBnB for anyone willing to drop everything and go to Brooklyn.

It took about a year of planning (mostly by Alexis) to get us all out there, but Jesus Christ, it actually worked.

Admittedly I’m a bit hesitant to talk at length about “taking a vacation”—even though I’m already… from here?—but it really was the highlight of my year. First for actually happening, when most friend groups I’ve had would have written the idea off as a pipedream, but mostly for being a really good time. A lot of walking, a lot of talking, a lot of drinking, a lot of dining. (This was during Jaw Explosion Disease, so you can imagine how my body took most of that.)

To Dani, Alexis, Miles, Haven, Grim, Xtine, and Ty: thanks for coming up here! The city is a lot more boring without you guys in it. I promise to have less health issues when we do this again!

And to everyone else outside the groupchat that I met and bored with my job hunt stories: Nice meeting you guys! Sorry that fate decided every single one of you is forced to keep in touch with me. (And I didn’t even get the shitty corporate job!)

#save.#this is a lot longer than i wanted it to be; but i had a lot to say.#turns out i actually have a lot of tumblr followers. so. time to actually engage with them.

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rhersimp · 1 year

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Rating Every Monster in the first Fear and Hunger on how Hard they Fuck:

For the sake of simplicity, I'm specifically using this list only to talk about Fear and Hunger's Monsters. Gods both new and old won't be included, but humanoid or formerly human beings like the cavedwellers or Pocket Cat will be. Got it? Cool. I’m only making a part two if Miro sees this and demands it of me.

_______________________

1) Maneba - Something something tentacle sex monster joke yada yada. But for real tho, you'd probably get the same amount of sexual satisfaction jacking off into a plastic grocery bag in my opinion. Plus, talking to them reveals that they aren't very passionate creatures overall, so foreplay would probably suck. 4/10

2) The Guards - Probably some of the most intense dick game you're ever going to get in your life, provided that you survive it of course. Otherwise, they're pretty graceless, they can't dirty talk you, and you might lose one or more limbs. Not a great package deal for most. 5/10

3) Ghouls - Probably your most sympathetic option. The fact that they were once normal humans can abate some of the horrors if you're into fucking corpses. Not to mention that showing them love through marriage to become a more powerful being entirely. Truly a romance endorsed by Sylvian. Just keep in mind the corpse smell is there forever. 7/10

4) Lizardman – A beast for the scalies out there. These guys fight hard and fuck hard, but it's probably a little crude and simplistic. If you're a human, they're probably going to skin you alive at some point, though preferably after the sex? Don't overestimate the lizard tongue thing tho, it's not worth the hype. 5/10

5) The Night Lurch – There are just a lot of rapists in the dungeon aren't there? Like it's not just me? The dungeon must just be primo real estate to these guys I guess. Anyway, their spiny cock is probably a masochist's dream, and the extra prehensile cocks are def a nice touch, but unless you're a biastophile, they might come off a little too pushy in the long run. It would probably be a one-and-done and he wouldn't kiss you goodnight. 6/10

6) Cavedwellers - Despite the weird, semi-racist implications of their origin, I think these guys are real gentlemen underneath it all. They're likely very practiced from having nothing to do but fuck all day to stay busy, and they'd make sure that you got off before they finished. They've also got some incredible endurance, so they can wait out the long game if you need to. So long as you never attempt to have a conversation with them they'll probably love you long time. 6 or 7/10

7) Miner Spectre and Other Spectres– Something tells me that the combination of existing only as ethereal beings plus the downside of being in a constant state of bitterness and agony isn't a recipe for good head. 0/10

8) Mumbler – This is a case of 'don't judge a book by its cover'. It's sad too, cause they're constantly erect and they've definitely got the goods, but even without the explosion hazard they're pretty unwieldy and hard to smash, plus fucking them is just an increased chance of brain-eating syphilis. Also, they're just terrible kissers. 2/10

9) Greater Mumbler – Now this is a creature of charisma, of elegance and joie de vivre! Unlike their counterparts, they've really got everything going for themselves: supple bodies, sexual versatility, free will from the god of the depths. I really don't think you get much sexier than that. Yes, there's still the explosion risk and the brain illness to consider, but also consider the depthussy. High 7 to 8/10

10) Scarab – I mean, if you can talk to them it might be down to clown. They're pretty reasonable manners wise, so they'd probably try to make sure you were having a good time. There's just no real way to do anything other than hands and mouth stuff, and you can't even get them off as a thank you so the whole affair just feels one-sided and awkward (unless maybe they cum acid?) Don't get me wrong, it's okay if you do tap it, but if I were you I wouldn't brag about having done it, you know what I mean? 4/10

11) Moonless Guard – Considering that the reason this thing exists at all is because a guard convinced a moonless wolf to a marriage is probably a sign of what you're getting into here. Trying to fuck this thing looks like it comes with more downsides then up ones though, mostly thanks to a giant mouth that cannot suck or smooch you. Is the half-animal half-guard dick good enough to risk the endless track marks and the very possible limb loss? Eh. 4/10

12) Body Snatcher – This thing knows the human body inside and out for sure, and it can use its multiple arms to tickle your ass into willing submission. Additionally, as a follower of the depths, it can probably hit your prostate/g-spot pretty fast and hard. If anything, this guy is probably a show-off with how much skill its got. The only turn-off comes from the fact that it's more insect than it is a doll/humanoid puppet figure, and that's more of a matter of perspective than anything else wouldn't you say? 8/10

13) Lord of the Flies - They've good a lot of strong qualities for sure. Big and burly, fluffy, Gordon Ramsey's face, ect. They could also manhandle your ass real good to be really domineering if that's your thing. It's too bad that they're insanely smelly tho, cause unless you get hot for the smell of wet dog rot, you're probably gonna puke all over him and that might kill the mood. Still, if you can stomach the smell, they might be worth it, provided he doesn't just kill you on sight or whatever. 7/10

14) Uterus – You know, I thought these things were called mannequins before looking more into their origins. That was a simpler, kinder time of ignorance. These things were created by a very bad person for extremely niche sexual reasons. Yes, you can sex it up, but know that if you do fuck it, you've earned every bit of judgment and revulsion that comes your way babe. 5/10

15) White Angel – Now this is hunk, pure and simple. Not exactly everyone's first choice what with the lack of genitalia and their dopey-looking arms, but just look at the fucking build of this thing! This guy's prime material for rutting up against on a cold night for sure, and who says hand stuff is off the table completely? He looks like he's got a couple of malformed fingers he could stick up your holes. The whole 'him being born out of your grudges' thing is also incredibly sexy all by itself like c'mon. 7 or 8/10

16) Lizardmage – With the proficiency of the yellow mages and the lizardmen's strength you've got something special on your hands if you manage to swing one of them. It'd be an interesting challenge to make out for sure, but this is probably the closest chance you're going to get to suck and fuck a magic dinosaur. Don't you dare tell me that you'd pass that up just because 'you can't get into a comfortable position' or 'the whole affair feels a little too close to having sex with a horse' or whatever. Pussy excuses! I will actively mock you if you turn down this incredible opportunity. 7/10

17) Cavemother – If you tell me that all you want in life is to smash your frothy sex organs up against the Cavemother, my only response to that will be 'Good, about time'. This poor creature lives for the sole purpose of getting laid and if you make it your mission in life to help them fulfill that goal I think that says a lot about your good and moral character. However, this is definitely a charity project, cause I get the impression smashing this creature probably just feels like rubbing yourself down with beef jerky before you get crushed under their weight anyway. They do have nice tits that can be milked, however. 5/10

18) Crow Mauler – Easily everyone's first choice, and how could you blame them? This dude's got train engine hips that can body you in a minute and abs like a garage door. The fact that he stalks you through the dungeon determined to decapitate you in a single blow is just the cherry on top of it all really. Honestly, your chances of getting laid before he kills your ass are fairly low, but it really comes down to the kinda bets you're willing to take. If you manage to pull it off and still have a pulse you're a goddamned sigma chad beast. 10/10

19) Molded – If you've got a thing for fucking raw meat I guess these are your guys. The whole thing does vibe on like an ero guro type level or whatever. I just feel like you'd also have to be aroused by misery too though, cause these things are sad to just look at for fuck's sake. No hands, arms, dicks, or even a decent fighting strategy, they're truly pathetic. I mean idk dude, feels a little mean-spirited to entertain the thought even. 3/10

20) Blights – They're literal god dinosaurs that can fly around and eat your face off. You could probably manage a much more viscerally graphic and sensual 'magic carpet ride' scene if you were seeking romance beforehand. I'm not seeing much in the way of 'fun stuff to stuff your genitals in' however, and what's more, they kind've have a similar texture to the molded which is kinda ehhh. A unique choice and it'll give you an interesting story, but I don't see it developing into romance or much else after the deed's been done. 6/10

21) Cavegnomes - The cavemother's kids, but lord are they hella dumb. They seem so unenthusiastic about doing basic shit like even just engaging with you that I have a difficult time understanding where the apple fell in relation to the tree. If you manage to track one down and put your hot bod anywhere near them it's probably not going to last longer than a few minutes and you'll have nothing to show for the wasted effort. Good job genius, you basically just tried to fuck a bird. 2/10

22) Butterfly – Honestly fuck the cockroach king, what a fucking loser. The butterfly is sweet and has an earnest goal they're working toward. If the prospect of becoming their final form came through the two of you fucking they'd likely be down, but I somehow doubt the God of the Depths is that good-natured. If you're anything like me you'll probably want to baby him and make the whole affair very sweet, especially rubbing his lil wing nubs a bunch as you kiss his proboscis. If you are anything but gentle and sweet to the butterfly I will hunt you down myself. 7 or 8/10

23) Human Hydra – Now I know what you're thinking, 'Isn't this thing basically already just a big orgy ball of people as is? What will adding my weight actually do in the long run?' The answer is nothing! It's virtually useless! You'd have a better time losing yourself to the Sylvian bunny cult, cause at least they're not going to taunt you with COD lobby-level insults about your mom or whatever. 1/10

24) Black Witch – Just your average working-class gal living it up in the dungeon. Probably into some freaky pain-play magic stuff thanks to Gro-goroth so if that's up your alley then you're definitely in for a good time for sure. Not gonna lie tho, her lips look hella chapped and while I can completely sympathize (chapped-lipped girl gang for life), it does raise the question of how much bodily maintenance she's up kept to this point. Then again, you're fucking monsters in a dungeon so like…why am I even bringing this up? Whatever, she's got a mad sexy laugh. 7 or 8/10

25) Iron Shakespeare – The Statue of Liberty's sexy serial killer cousin. While kissing is probably off the table unless you like the taste of rusty coins, it looks like it'd be a lot of fun to spank his iron butt armor just to hear the 'PTUUUUUUUNG' sound that would come out of doing so. The fire is a bit of a hazard, and maybe you don't want to get too serious in the throes of passion as a result, but grinding up on some semi-warm metal probably isn't too different from your average night alone amirite y'all? 7/10

26) Trotur – This guy was definitely banned from most BDSM munches and it really shows. The dude does not have a safe word and does not care about whether or not you get off or not. Just a really horrible dom all around and I would not recommend giving him your Fetlife account. Like yeah, I get that there's someone for everyone out there, but I promise you that endurance is a finite resource and eventually this dude's 'I'm going to torture you past your human limits' act is going to get old. 3/10

27) Skin Granny – I'm just thinking that if that's what it'll do to your face imagine what it'll do to your foreskin amirite? 1/10

28) Salmonsnake – It's got good voring potential, and I imagine that its skin is probably very self-lubricating which gives it some points. The tongue also has some interesting capabilities, but truthfully, it comes across as a monster you'd have more fun eating seasoned than eating out. Then again, there's no rule saying that you can't do both, just make sure you tell people you fucked something closer to a dragon than an axolotl so that people will be more impressed. 6/10

29) Double-Headed Crow Mauler – I wish I could say that there's never too much of a good thing, but in this case I feel like you're not going to get a double dose of all the good stuff if you know what I mean. Still, it might be nice to have a partner coax one of the heads into some heavy petting while you go nuts on it from the other end. He'll definitely murder you both once you're done so it's absolutely worth the effort imo. 9.5/10

30) Red Man – Poor little guy, fuck Ronn Chambara's sadistic ass. This dude just needs some kisses and loving whispers and he'll be super sweet on you. It'll probably be the first pleasurable experience he's had in a long time, so don't take it too personally if he tries to smash you with his big fists at first. It might be kind've brutal foreplay, but patience and care will turn this angy boy into a gentle pile of salami. 7/10

31) Nameless – This guy is very much about quality control, so he's not going to let just anyone slob his knob. I like to imagine that he holds the exact same trials to bone him as he does to pass through the Golden Temple. Suffice to say the man (golem?) has high standards, very much so for what ultimately boils down to fucking a giant rock. Also, unless you're really into the taste of grit, this might be a make-out session worth skipping. 4 or 5/10

32) Old Guardian – A big ol' Alll-Mer simp, he's definitely going to play hard to get. Still, I don't see why that should restrict the guy from getting some game on in the meantime. Aside from his amazing fashion sense, I imagine that he and the Nameless are probably alike in many ways, the biggest of which being that they're both sentient rock people who probably fuck like rocks and have very high standards. The main difference between them is the patience of the Guardian, so chances are you can stand to fuck up a little more moves-wise around this guy and he'll be less judgemental. Well, you know, hopefully. 5/10

33) Harvestman – ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 10/10

34) Lady of the Moon – Normally I'd just chalk this up to being a Maneba on classy mode, but there's genuinely some sexual provenance here. She's got three very kissable faces and I imagine it would probably feel really nice to run your fingers through her tentacles. Sure, she might ask you to commit some child trafficking, but that's just the sort of trade-off you have to decide is worth your while or not! How far are you willing to go to get sloppy toppy off one of Rher's finest minions? And is anyone really gonna blame you for falling into the temptation? Probably, but fuck 'em. 8 or 9/10

35) Pocket Cat – Speaking of Rher's finest minions and all, I'd be remiss not to include the man, the myth, the legend himself. He's a gentleman, a man of consent and good standing and good breeding! It's too bad that you're probably too old for him in this go around, but again, I'm sure that for the small price of child abuse he'd be willing to give you a little peck on the cheek. Is it worth it? Yes. 10/10

#fear and hunger #fear & hunger #funger

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